People Get Called Out In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Kid-Friendly Vacation With My Friend?
“I work 50-60 hour weeks and I hate my job. I get 18 days off a year.
Those 18 days I want to just do what I enjoy. I don’t want to do things that are ‘kid-friendly,’ and I sure as heck don’t want to babysit.
But now my friend is ‘disappointed’ that we won’t hang out because we are in different countries.
But I just don’t want to do a kid-friendly holiday. I want to drink cocktails by the pool with no shrieking in the background, go rock climbing, rent a yacht, etc. And definitely no vomit or poopy diapers.
So AITJ for “abandoning” my friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You definitely have the right to have a kid-free vacation. Unfortunately, relationship dynamics change, especially when your friends have kids. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, you guys will just have to adapt and cope with not hanging out. Maybe one day she’ll get a week off to come visit you so you two can spend some time together.
Probably not but most good friendships are maintainable long distance. One of my best friends lives in the same city and we haven’t seen each other in over a year due to us being busy, but our bond is still just as strong. Hopefully, your friend can get over it.
Also, it’s ok for people to be disappointed, it doesn’t mean that “you” disappointed them or let them down.” _PSO_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a parent. Kids are a LOT of work. Endless compromises, supervision, bartering, and sometimes begging, even “easy” kids have their moments.
You aren’t abandoning your friend. You’re setting a boundary. A friend will understand that. You can still show your friend she’s valued and important to you. My childhood best friend had her first kid about a decade before I did. I didn’t do many family activities with her and her kids but I did make sure I’d spend a day with them every once in a while, even for just a few hours.
A decade later, she still tells me how I was “the only friend who didn’t abandon her” when she became a young mom — mind you, I never went on vacation/day trips with her and her family, just made it a point to call/text often (to be honest nearly daily but that was our normal chat schedule), visit every few months and made the effort to keep our friendship alive even though our paths had temporarily gone in completely different directions.
At the time I worked with kids, so kids during my time off to be honest was NOT something I was eager about lol but our friendship endured and we’ve managed to continue our now 3-decade-old friendship. Don’t be afraid to be honest with your friend and let the friendship wax and wane like every healthy relationship does.” becausenope
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with no jerks here because it’s ok that the friend is disappointed and I don’t think that’s jerk behavior unless they push the issue. Not everyone enjoys vacationing with children. Unless the children are at the age where they require little supervision, then it’s possible you’ll just be trying to interact with your friend during small pockets of time while they tend to their child.
Then the interaction usually has to be child-appropriate if the children nearby are old enough to understand words. Plus activities will have to be child-friendly if you don’t want to split off from your friend. Back when I was working in education, I was able to be more accommodating during my time off in these scenarios because I had so much of it (at least 13 weeks).
But when I worked in another industry, I got 3 weeks so I understand where you’re coming from when you say you’re being very deliberate in how you spend what little time off you have.
As far as maintaining your friendship, you can still do that through calls and texts.
I know in-person interactions are important to a lot of people. If that’s important for this particular friendship, you can propose a vacation where a place is both child-friendly and has aspects of it that are adult-only. Friend can do family-friendly stuff in the day while you do your own thing.
Maybe meet up with your friend in the evenings if they can arrange childcare. This would mean you are both compromising, so it’s not just one person accommodating the other.” paul_rudds_drag_race
21. AITJ For Not Inviting One Kid To My Graduation Pool Party?
“Since my partner and I are graduating high school we decided to throw a graduation pool party and invite our entire grade and a couple of our friends from the lower grades. We literally planned and paid for everything with no help from parents and even booked a DJ.
We decided to do it in my house since it has the biggest pool by far. We invited everyone in the grade except Daniel who’s an autistic kid, yes this goes against school rules for parties but technically we graduated already so that doesn’t matter, anyways here are the reasons:
He’s really smart and draws really well but does not do well with social cues. I get that since he’s autistic, he can’t help it. But he’s mean to say the least.
He’s known to be touchy, it’s not his fault, but darn it’s annoying, especially when we’ll all be wearing bathing suits, especially the girls.
We’re gonna serve booze and he can’t drink apparently.
He talks way too loud.
He’s known for getting really angry in even the smallest argument.
I got into a (not physical) fight with him earlier in the year because he was touching me.
He has scars and nobody wants to see that.
We all have stuff we wanna do as a class but he can’t keep his mouth shut so we’d get in trouble.
He’s just overall childish, to be honest.
My parents are angry that I didn’t invite him and we fought about it as well, they claim it’s bullying but I say that I can invite whoever I want.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. If you had just said you weren’t inviting him because he touches girls and you without consent, that’s plenty of a reason. That has nothing to do with his autism. Signed, an autistic woman who completely understands consent.
His parents and potential authorities need to know that he is repeatedly engaged in offensive touching behavior. Now that he’s an adult he can get charged legally for that.” RussianCat26
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk “he has scars and no one wants to see that.” Thanks for insulting all people who have scars, of course seeing scars is not making anyone happy, but they are just scars and every scar has a story behind it.
I have scars and I can tell that your comment is extremely hurtful for someone who feels like they have to hide their scars. “He’s just overall childish to be honest.” Maybe you just have the wrong perspective, autistic people often like things that are seen as childish.
I am autistic and yes I’m sometimes childish. But I can tell that I can hear everything you speak and I understand so much more than you’d think. So you’re the jerk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Ehhhh I’m gonna go with everyone’s a jerk here.
You listed some faults that were really unkind (having scars for example) and it’s mean to single out just one person, BUT if he’s touching people without their consent, yelling all the time and easily offended when people tell him to calm down, I can understand why no one wants him around if he’s that poorly adjusted. You don’t have to invite him but maybe be more cautious in how you describe things that bother you about people because some things really aren’t anyone’s fault.
You’re like, 17-18 though I’m guessing so I’m not surprised by the slight immaturity. Just. Be more tactful. Good on you for not putting up with harassment though.” sapphicsapphires
20. AITJ For Giving My Daughter An AirTag For Her Safety?
“I’m a dad of a 14-year-old daughter… I purchased an AirTag for when she goes out with friends and now all her friends say that it’s like a dog collar tracker and have been making fun of her for it and I’m confused as I intended it to be something for her protection in case of an emergency.
I worry about kidnappings as every day I see girls disappearing and never to be found again due to various issues and now my daughter hates me for it but I swear my intentions were for her safety and cannot live with myself if something were to happen to her… She says I should trust her but it’s not her I don’t trust but the world we live in I don’t trust…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Slightly YTJ – I don’t think it’s okay to teach kids (especially young women) that they should be okay with having their every movement tracked in the name of safety. She’s right on the cusp of being too old for this kind of thing.
You’re better off checking “find my friends” occasionally instead of using an air tag. Especially if her FMF can be set up to just be for you. Air tags ping all Apple products don’t they? Aren’t you just broadcasting her location to everyone with an iPhone in her vicinity?
Seems way more dangerous than not using one, plus it’s basically worthless on her keychain. That would be dumped in a second. This isn’t actually protecting her – it’s just feeding into your paranoia and the confirmation bias caused by your detective brother telling you horror stories.” soaringcomet11
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get your reasoning. However, putting it on a lanyard is pointless. The bad guys will throw it out first chance. If you are concerned then she should put just the airtag in her pocket. Her friends won’t know it’s there if she doesn’t tell them.
Your daughter is only upset because of being made fun of. Sit her down again and tell her that since you don’t want her to be made fun of, see if that is a good alternative (put airtag in her pocket). You can also turn on the tracking feature of her phone, but that would be pitched first thing too by any kidnappers.
But kidnappings aren’t common. So you need to also look at how you want to do this going forward. You can’t do it forever so under what conditions will you stop doing it? Have a conversation between you and your spouse first then bring your daughter into it.” Sledge313
19. AITJ For Covering My Face When A Teacher Wanted To Take My Picture?
“I (F17) had cross-country today. Due to being incredibly unfit at an athletic school, probably undiagnosed asthmatic, and having a terrible toe infection that makes it hurt to even stand still, I was second to last in the race.
As I was crossing the finish line, a teacher pulled up her phone to take a photo of me.
I obviously didn’t want to have a photo of me taken and posted on the school’s social media. (Not to mention the fact that I suffer from some gender dysphoria, a condition which means my brain gets upset about my female biology. I wasn’t binding my chest at this time due to the fact I was exercising.) I covered my face with my hands to signal that I wouldn’t like my photo taken.
Then I got in trouble for this. Now I’m starting to doubt myself. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not required to have your photo taken without your permission. Not sure what you mean by “got in trouble”, but whoever that is needs to be put in their place.
If anything, that teacher should be getting in trouble for attempting to take your photo without at least asking if you were okay with it.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in fact I’d probably complain to the head above them (whether a dean or VP/AP or principal/head) about the fact that they punished you for it.
I’d also look up laws before that about what pictures can be used for what purposes and legalities of taking those pictures (in some places a school is not considered private and thus you have no reasonable expectation of privacy and can be photographed legally, but you can always cover your face and the punishment for that is unacceptable).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Teacher shouldn’t have her phone out. I’m not sure what other schools do but the school my kids go to had someone from the Office take pictures of the different days they would do. Like for Dr. Seuss Week or right to read week or school spirit week.
I think the teacher was looking to humiliate you, in private, amongst their friends and other teachers. I’d tell the school that you did not consent to having your photo taken and if anyone should get in trouble it should be the teacher.” Dangerous_Mail1939
18. AITJ For Drinking Wine And Serving Salad At My Son's Playdate?
“My son had a playdate yesterday, and his little friend ended up staying for dinner. We had spinach salad with chicken for dinner. The kids drank watered-down apple juice, and my husband and I each had a glass of wine.
When Timmy’s (not his real name obviously) mom came to pick him up she saw our wine glasses and asked if we were drinking in front of her son.
We said yes, but it’s wine. A glass of red with dinner helps with digestion. She said that was completely inappropriate. She also didn’t like that we served her kid rabbit food (even though there was chicken in the salad) for dinner because now she’s going to “have to serve him a real dinner at home.”
AITJ for drinking in front of an eight-year-old and serving him chicken and spinach salad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; you’re not daycare/a restaurant and (I assume) you weren’t going to be driving anywhere. It’s not like you’d downed half a bottle of vodka and stripped in front of Timmy.
Re. the “rabbit food”, on playdates my daughter often got served food she couldn’t eat; I always thanked the parents for feeding her, and gave her a snack when she got home. That mother sounds like an entitled baggage with no manners. Poor Timmy.” mrs_spanner
Another User Comments:
“Man, the fact that Timmy’s mother is angry that you fed him salad is really throwing me for a loop here. I’m having trouble wrapping my head around that. If the wine was the only part of it, I might be inclined to say no jerks here.
Who knows Timmy’s situation? Maybe his father is a heavy drinker and that’s why his mother (over)reacted in that way. When I was growing up, my parents wanted a clean home environment for their children. No booze and my father wouldn’t smoke at home or in the car.
I would go to friends’ houses and some of their parents smoked in the house or had beers in the fridge. My parents were alright with this after having some sit-down conversations with me about substances when I was young. I could imagine a scenario where my parents might have become offended if they felt that I was “overexposed” at one of these households.
I guess their bar for “overexposure” was pretty high. Again, the salad thing. We’ve gotta be missing something.” MrMathematicsMan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I personally don’t really drink much, and I probably wouldn’t if I had someone else’s kid around, but I wouldn’t be upset if I picked up my kid(s) and their friend’s parents had a glass of wine with dinner.
I also wouldn’t complain about what my kid was fed, even if my kid was still hungry. It sounds like Timmy’s mom isn’t a good fit for playdates with your son. That really sucks, and I feel bad for the kids, but I definitely wouldn’t host again after that.” BICSb4DICS
17. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom's Behavior Over A Mistaken Tip?
“My mom and I (21M) went out for dinner at a sub shop. She paid for both of our food. When she went to pay, she accidentally tipped 20% on the card machine ($5.62 tip).
The two guys working were younger and weren’t sure how to cancel the payment.
My mom told them it was a mistake and requested the money back. When the employees said they didn’t know how to cancel the payment after it had gone through, she got visibly irritated. She never insulted or raised her voice but was condescending to the workers.
Ultimately they called a manager who wasn’t there and the manager told them to reimburse her out of the tip jar.
After we sat down with our food I told her that it was humiliating that she was so adamant about getting the money back since it was such a small amount and was a tip to the employees who she was talking down to.
She then got mad at me saying that I get mad at her for everything she does.
AITJ for telling my mom she humiliated herself and me after demanding the tip back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ since the tip was her mistake. If it hadn’t been her error I could have gotten behind her on this, but it was on her so, in my opinion, she just needed to live with it and take it as a reminder to be more careful next time.
I’m not sure this put her all the way to jerk level but driving people crazy for your own mistake is super annoying. That said, I often work at a register and I have learned, you have to know how to deal with these things.” ServelanDarrow
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like mom was in control of how much she could tip, just tap the button for the % she wanted. She messed up and decided to punish the poor minimum-wage workers for her mistake. It’s entirely possible those workers were not trained/did not have access to refund the money.
It’s pretty common for that to be a management-only decision. If the 20% tip was over $5, they were already at a higher-priced sub-shop. Mom should have just eaten the cost and paid more attention next time. NTJ, that is embarrassing behavior.” jgarmartner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I used to manage restaurants. The POS system we used authorized transactions for 20% more than the bill, but posted whatever the actual total was, including tip. One day, a woman called about her card being overcharged by $1. I pulled up her ticket and explained that it was an authorization, not a charge, and when AMEX posted the next day, it would be fine.
She wasn’t having it. LOL. She told me I needed to drive a dollar over to her. I said I would if she promised to bring it back the next day when her charge actually posted. The ignorant indignants are the worst.” Wonderful_Horror7315
16. AITJ For Putting Instruction Notes Around The House For My Messy Partner?
“For the past ten years, I have had the same arguments with my partner. Wipe the coffee you spill off the counter. Wipe the tomato sauce from around the hob before it dries. Put dirty laundry in the basket not on the floor etc. After each argument, the behavior will be corrected for a week max before it reverts.
This morning I got up, had a look around, lost my temper, and went around putting notes next to the crime scenes. STOP! Have you wiped the spills? STOP! Are dirty clothes in the laundry basket? That sort of thing. Partner got up, saw the notes, cursed about the state of our relationship, and went to have breakfast on their own.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve hit a breaking point. Some comments say YTJ because you should talk it out like adults, but after 10 years on the same topic, I think you deserve drastic measures. Call him on the “state of your relationship” and ask him what he feels are the issues.
I bet he won’t like when 90% boils down to his weaponized incompetence – including loss of attraction, by the way. It’s hard to have an attraction to someone you have to mother.” killerklixx
Another User Comments:
“Why are you still trying to get them to change when it’s obvious they are not going to?
You can only change how you react. To me, some options would be to put aside money to get a housekeeper so neither of you have to deal with it, or split chores so you deal with this stuff that drives you crazy and he deals with other stuff.
Maybe he could choose to organize dinners or date nights instead. Maybe you can just leave his clothes on the floor and don’t wash them. Or you could choose not to accept it anymore and leave. You can’t force other people to behave differently. Personally, if I know an action upsets someone I won’t do it again or do it more often, depending on the reaction I want.” oldandopinionated
Another User Comments:
“1000% NTJ. As someone who is very much lazy (clean but cluttered) even I know to clean spills right away and put clothes in not near the laundry basket. Can you talk about why he doesn’t like to do these things? Can you see what other consequences there are?
Like if he puts stuff outside the laundry basket you’ll gather it and spread it in your backyard. Every time. Or throw it out. Every time. These small things end up impacting you – more work to gather clothes. More work to clean. It’s also unhygienic.
I’m not sure what will get through to him but he has formed habits and does not want to change them. He needs to connect with how important it is. Or create a chore chart with him so you all are on the same page.” bahahaha2001
15. AITJ For Changing My Son's Pajamas Into Regular Clothes At School?
“My ex and I have an arrangement that we both see our sons off to school whether they are with us or not.
I was running late and did not see my ex but saw my 7-year-old wearing the same clothes he wears to bed. A shirt and pajama bottoms.
I texted my ex and asked her “really?” She told me to get over it and it was fine.
It wasn’t. I always keep spare clothes in my car and I dressed him in the parking lot which he wasn’t happy about.
Later my ex asked me why he was wearing different clothes than she left him in and I told her. She accused me of undermining her.”
Another User Comments:
“Your ex didn’t want to have a power struggle with an elementary-age child over something that is ultimately, not a safety issue. That is not the same as neglect. I’m sure she was pressed for time, you choose your battles as a parent.
You chose to engage in the power struggle with your son, however, and you decided to assume the worst of your ex (she doesn’t care). So you’re the jerk for that. For making your ex wrong over something that is not a big issue. I don’t know that I’d call it undermining, but it wasn’t great behavior on your part.
I don’t know why people think it’s a big deal if your son changed clothes in the car, out of view of others. Also not a big deal as long as you weren’t shouting or making him upset over it. But I think you got bent out of shape over nothing and you’re letting your feelings about your ex color how you see her decisions.
I am a former elementary teacher. Most kids show up in pajamas or with crazy hair or mismatched shoes at least once. If it is a weekly or daily thing – that is a concern. And if anything, most of the other kids think it’s great they’re wearing pajamas at school.
It is pretty widely accepted in my area anyway, it isn’t seen as an embarrassment, kids at this age are pretty accepting.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“INFO. There has got to be more context here. What specifically were you undermining? Has your son been refusing to get dressed and Mom finally cracked and said “fine, go to school in your pajamas”?
Was it pajama day? Is a 7-year-old expected to do his own laundry or something? Did you make your son stand in a public place to change? Why couldn’t he do so in the backseat or at least let him go to the bathroom in the school?” gingergale312
14. AITJ For Wanting My Recovering Addict Partner To Move Out And Keeping The Expensive Gifts I Bought Him?
“I 39F have been seeing my partner 33M for 3 years. A large chunk of that time he was in active addiction and a missing person. I have always supported him when he was in jail.
Spending thousands on visits and food. I have gotten him out of jail and got him all new clothes and so forth and put him in treatment twice. I have taken leave from work to make sure he is OK and safe and sober jeopardizing my job.
I have gone above and beyond for this man since the day I met him.
For the first time in several years, he is 6 months clean and I allowed him to move into my apartment. He has never raised his voice to me, called me names, stolen from me.
I always believed he was an amazing man who was sick and struggling. Since I let him move in a few weeks ago his behavior is completely foreign to me. If he asks me for something (material things or for me to blindly trust him as if nothing happened) and I don’t say yes he intentionally treats me badly.
Basically acts like a child throwing a tantrum which he has literally never done before. He deliberately withholds affection, pretends I am invisible in my own home (which he pays no bills in as he isn’t working) ignores me when I ask to talk through issues, lets me cry for hours, and gives me the silent treatment.
As if he is punishing me for saying no to him until he gets his way.
Today I got fed up. I packed up his $330 gaming system that I just bought after 3 days of him being withholding and acting like a child, and I took back his iPhone and AirPods that I paid for and pay the bill for.
I’m not trying to be petty but why am I going to buy expensive gifts and pay a phone bill for someone who intentionally tries to hurt me so I will cave and give him his way? At this point, I really don’t think he cares about me and I want him to move out and go back to sober living.
I haven’t told him that yet. I love him and want him to be happy and healthy and sober and I just feel like he can’t possibly care about me at all to behave this way. AITJ if I tell him he can’t live here anymore and needs to go to sober living and keep the expensive things I paid for?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t bring up even one positive aspect of him or your relationship for all 3 years and red flags out the wazoo. Or not even red flags anymore, he’s literally just abusive. Like Jesus, do it for yourself and get rid of him.
Also obviously I have zero idea where you live and what the laws are, remember to not break any out of spite or something. You sadly laid the egg of letting that guy into your apartment and it might get ugly to actually get him out.
Also, if you gifted him something, you might not just be able to take it back because it’s legally a transfer of ownership and it might get counted as theft. Sadly yes, you probably messed up by letting him in and paying for him and buying him things and so on, just try getting out of the mess.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a clear theme in what you’re saying: You recognize the toxicity but seem trapped by the idea of sunk cost fallacy – where you’ve invested so much time and effort, it feels wrong to give up now. But here’s the thing, OP – it’s not about giving up, it’s about moving forward for your own well-being.
He’s made his choices, and unfortunately, they’re detrimental to not only his health but also to the health of your relationship and your personal peace. It’s not selfish to prioritize your happiness and mental health. In fact, it’s necessary. Make the decision that serves your future, not the one anchored to the unstable foundations of the past.” AvaNebulaMist
Another User Comments:
“Stop setting yourself on fire to keep this user warm. You’re right, he doesn’t care for you only what you can do for him. Kick him out, change your number if you can and if you rent, move as soon as you are able.
Otherwise, he will just keep popping up when he needs something. It’s a shame that you have the consequences of his addiction, but that is what happens when the sober one tries to get the addicted one help. Usually, help that they don’t actually want.
They just want to keep someone on a string for a meal, a place to stay, money, whatever. In a year, you will be kicking yourself for not doing this sooner. Good luck.” Mysterious_Try_4453
13. AITJ For Telling A Woman To Wait Her Turn At The Tire Center?
“I waited in line to ask the tire center person if they had time to work on my issue.
The moment I got to the front of the line and before I could speak, a woman came in and said “Hi I just have a quick question.”
The question was not quick, I turned around with my arms crossed looking at her like, seriously?
I finally said “Excuse me, I waited in line. It is now my turn. Please wait your turn.” She replied, “You don’t have to be such a witch.” I was shocked. I managed to say, “Please leave” and she turned around and left. Honestly, I know I don’t own the tire store, nor is it my place to police the crowd.
I felt so attacked.
I turned around and apologized to the gentleman working, addressed my issue, and discovered that they would not have time for my car. I thanked him and apologized again for the interaction, at some point the woman snuck back in and heard my second apology to the man and yelled “OH I’M THE WOMAN YOU YELLED AT YOU CAN APOLOGIZE TO ME.” I ignored her and left.
I normally don’t talk to people like that. I let a lot of things slide off my back, this time. I can’t tell if I stood up for myself or if I’m a jerk. I recognize I was incredibly grumpy about my car issue.
PS, I did get back to my car and I was so mad I went back to wait for her outside to explain that it is extremely rude to interrupt people.
I was seeing red. My husband called and I said “I CAN’T TALK I HAVE TO RIP THIS WOMAN A NEW ONE” and everyone heard and turned around. I left. I know that wasn’t nice, I was seething. Mostly wondering about the part when I asked her not to interrupt.
Have since calmed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for telling the woman to get to the back of the line. She wasn’t just cutting in front of you, she was cutting in front of everyone behind you. TBH, if I had been behind you and you let her cut the line, I would have thought you were the jerk.
At best, the woman could have gotten to the front of the line and called out to everyone, “Hi folks, I just have a very fast question, and if it takes more than 1 minute to answer me, I’m going to get back in line.
But she didn’t want to do that. I also think the clerk could have helped here—by telling the woman that her question was not a trivial one and that you need to take care of customers who were there before her.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, good for you for calling her out. It is people like her that make life frustrating for others. If I said something, it would totally matter on the kind of day I was having. Sometimes I’m annoyed, but more like “whatever”, and sometimes it’s “oh no you didn’t just do that.” The woman was either trying to save face and redirect the focus on you, or she was clueless and really didn’t think she did anything wrong.
Either way, she is the one owing an apology.” Back-to-HAT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your responses inside the tire center. You tried to be civil, she was the jerk. Waiting for her outside was a really bad idea. You already knew she was unreasonable, so you wanted to provoke another confrontation, “taking this outside”?
Picture how that would actually go. You would scream at her. She would scream back. There might be some shoving. If anyone was thinking clearly they would call the cops. Someone in the parking lot would definitely record it and post it online. What if she pulled out a gun?
What if it went viral and everyone you knew saw it? What if things escalated with the cops?” NapalmAxolotl
12. AITJ For Being Upset After Being Excluded From My Partner's Concert Plans?
“Keinemusik is playing in London in June at Gunnersbury Park.
My partner, Tina, is a fan and asked if I wanted to go. I said yes. She also video-called her sister Yasmin to confirm she was attending. Yasmin is bringing her partner Jim, and Tina’s friend Yvonne is also coming. Yasmin asked Tina to buy tickets.
During the call, Tina joked about buying four tickets but not confirming who they were for. She said, “OP and I are going, Yvonne is going—I’m not sure who the fourth ticket is for.” Over the next few days, Tina repeatedly asked me if I was sure I wanted to go.
Each time, I confirmed that I did, as I enjoy their music (even if I’m not as big of a fan as Tina or her friends). I’ve been intrigued by the hype, and events like this are something Tina and I typically do together.
Today, however, her tone shifted. Tina said Yasmin had shown her a new set she thought I might not like. I reassured her I did like their music and asked if she was trying to get me to say I didn’t want to go.
To my surprise, Tina admitted she’d been thinking it over and decided she’d like to make it a girls’ night with Yvonne, as they rarely get the chance to do things like this together.
I asked if Yasmin and Jim were still going, which Tina confirmed but said, “I’m not going with them—I don’t think I’ll see much of them.” I felt rejected. Instead of an open and loving conversation, it felt like she drip-fed me hints to manipulate me into not going.
She could’ve said, “I’d like this to be a girls’ night—would you mind inviting a friend?” Instead, it felt calculated, and that she didn’t want me there.
What makes it harder is picturing Tina, Yvonne, Yasmin, and Jim having fun without me— and not only not missing me but actively having arranged for me not to be there.
I actually did what Tina suggested earlier and listened to their latest set to make sure I would like it, only to be hurt more when I was temporarily made to be even more excited for the event only to then realize I had to find someone who actually wanted to go with me.
I also sort of don’t want to go on my own or with anyone else because I feel like I’ll be in my head about whether Tina is having more fun without me and it’ll ruin the experience.
Tina has since apologized for the way she handled it and admitted that she should have just been honest and direct, but something still isn’t sitting right with me about essentially being excluded from this event.
She did say in passing that perhaps I should invite two other friends (a couple, interestingly enough she assumed they would come as an item even though we seemingly do not) and go with them, but her not wanting to spend this time with me is hurting.
We do have other plans lined up—a trip in December and another event in June 2025—so this isn’t a pattern of exclusion. Still, I can’t shake the hurt, especially since I’m used to us doing things like this together.
WIBTJ for not accepting this apology and making a bigger deal out of this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people want something but suck at communicating it. Tina is allowed to want to do things without you, but she messed up with how to organize it. I think if you want to uninvite someone from an event you should be direct and uninvite them, but also immediately offer to make it up to them to avoid them feeling excluded. It changes it from “I don’t want to go out with you” to “I want to go out with you at this time instead”.
The new event you invite them to needs to be of equivalent social value. Eg you can’t replace a wedding invite with a coffee invite.” Knightofaus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Looks like Tina is laying down the groundwork to end your relationship. First of all, she was dishonest in not letting you know she wanted to have a “girl’s night” but Jim (who I assume is male) would be there.
Next is the trying to gaslight you by asking “are you sure you would enjoy?” “I don’t think you would like this set” when you already clearly said that you do enjoy their music. Then asking you to invite two other friends to occupy you since she had no intention of being in your company that night.
Tina is not looking for a girl’s night, she is looking for a night away from you. She sounds like she’s getting ready to leave. Prepare yourself and know that you deserve better.” kepo242
Another User Comments:
“Cancel your two planned trips. Seriously, inviting someone to an event and then trying to manipulate them into canceling of their own accord before finally disinviting them is incredibly rude, and doubly so to do to a partner like that.
The sheer disrespect at hand is mind-boggling, and her excuse just goes to show she won’t fight for you as her partner. I don’t know how long y’all have been together, but this would be enough that I seriously rethink my relationship if I were in your shoes OP.
So cancel your trips with her and invite some friends along. Tell her you decided these trips would be better with loyal friends, a guy’s trip, and that since it’s okay for her to jerk you around in such a way, it should be fine reversed. Either she’ll see how much she hurt you and actually try to make amends, or she’ll blow up and accuse you of being petty (admittedly it would be petty, but so are her actions).
Let her know that nothing is set in stone, but it just doesn’t seem right that she gets to pull that stuff and not you.” Aidyn_the_Grey
11. AITJ For Embracing Filipino Culture At Work And Alienating Other Colleagues?
“I (25f white British) recently changed jobs and am currently a student nurse in a hospital, the senior nurses are all Filipino. My previous job had about a 40% Filipino and 20% Indonesian workforce so I’m somewhat familiar with the culture.
I’m a friendly person and try to get on with everyone, from my previous work I know that as a whole respect tends to be a big thing for their culture, I call the nurses “*name tita*” (auntie from what I get) when I ask them questions, I love their cuisine and often make it at home, my husband is Taiwanese so even though its different food he loves it more than “British” food.
So if I have leftovers (maybe every other week) I’ll bring in some egg sambal or pancit and they’ve done the same for me and refer to the younger ones as my paisano (friend I think).
It turns out they’ve taken a shine to me, and apparently can be quite cliquey and don’t like the other white girls who don’t make an effort with them.
If I have any questions they’ll help, if I have a difficult patient or someone rude to me they’ll step in, but to be fair they don’t do this with any of the other girls, they do treat me better than the others.
The others have noticed and have been giving me the cold shoulder saying I’m sucking up and purposely making them look bad, that it’s cultural appropriation, and that all I’m doing is pandering and trying to be Filipino because I’m a white girl who’s never actually been to the Philippines and my partner isn’t actually from there.
So AITJ? Should I stop? Should I ask the others if they find it too much, should I stop with the food and the slang, etc.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am the honorary Filipino at work, (long-term care). The culture is great, the food even better and they work hard.
The white girls are catty, lazy, and racist, I am Indigenous. I don’t find them cliquey, they are just used to racism so don’t offer much because they always get blamed for stuff. It is NOT that hard to get in with Filipinos. They are friendly and generous.
I would trust my Filipino coworkers with my LIFE.” SheWolfInTheWoods
Another User Comments:
““Apparently can be quite cliquey and don’t like the other white girls who don’t make an effort with them. If I have any questions they’ll help, if I have a difficult patient or someone rude to me they’ll step in, but to be fair they don’t do this with any of the other girls.” Question… is it the senior nurses’ job to help the student nurses?
Or to sit by and watch them struggle. Basically, are they giving you extra-special treatment, or punishing the other white girls? The other girls might be angry with the wrong people. There’s nothing wrong with you bringing them food and stuff, but the others shouldn’t have to do things like that to bribe them to make an effort, if indeed that’s what they’re supposed to do.
It sounds to me like the senior nurses might be the jerks here. Also, you “think” you’re calling them auntie and friend? Isn’t it kinda weird to call someone something without even being sure what it means?” EmilyAnne1170
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re being kind and respectful and care about them and they care about you.
That’s what friendly relationships are. Clearly, they appreciate what you do, and it’s a mutual thing, so anyone who objects is being ridiculous. Those others are basically being the dudes to try to tear down a guy who treats women as humans because “then women won’t pay attention to us.”” RivSilver
10. AITJ For Cursing At My Partner For Pressuring Me To Buy A TV?
“I (23F) started seeing this guy (20M) a few months ago (it’s been two months since we became official) and things have been going really well. This is not a partner diss track.
We usually hang out at my place since he lives with his parents, and he noticed that I don’t own a TV and finds it weird.
Now I’ve been living by myself for years and I’ve never owned one simply because I never felt like I needed one. Everything I like to do in my free time, I can do on my laptop. My parents own a TV but I never ever use theirs when I visit them.
It’s just not my thing. I have one bed, one couch, and one beanbag(he bought it for me) in my apt and that’s it. No chair, no additional lights (I use candles), no TV or gadgets, no thank you.
He’s been suggesting me to buy a TV for a while saying that it’ll be nice to be able to watch something and have something to talk about.
He’s a gamer and said he could bring his game consoles so we can play some video games together. He said that people would find it odd that I don’t own a TV if I invite them over since everyone owns one.
I don’t agree with any of the points he made.
We can watch shows on my laptop (a bigger screen would be better, that’s what he said, I think not), the video game thing, that’s mainly what he wants to do as I’m not a gamer myself. The last point, I find it most outrageous, because, who cares what others think?
I don’t even like to invite people over in general and if I do and if they have issues with me not owning a TV they can pack and leave. It’s my apartment, I have no obligation to cater to anybody else besides me. I’ve made it clear to him that I’m not getting a TV and he keeps being persistent.
And one day when I had enough of him pressuring me to buy something I don’t want, I cursed at him. I told him that he’s being a real jerk and if he wants a TV in my apartment that much he can buy me one and set that up all by himself.
He has a tendency to be bossy or give me lots of advice and it usually doesn’t bother me and I even appreciate it sometimes (I can be spacey and reckless) because I know that he means well. But some of the suggestions he makes I find off-putting like this TV thing or him telling me to buy more utensils (I have one pair of fork and knife, no spoon, I eat out 5-6 days of the week).
He seemed really hurt when I cursed him out, and now I feel like maybe I could’ve been less mean.
He comes over to my apartment about once a week if any of y’all are curious.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Him: He shouldn’t boss you around.
You: You’re so far into single life that your life is entirely counter to being in a relationship. This isn’t about a TV or utensils – it’s about the fact you have literally no room in your life (or your apartment) for someone else. But you’re inviting someone into your life, and it sounds like you’ve been inviting your partner to your apartment.
How is he supposed to even eat there if you only have one fork and one knife? You rejecting getting even basics such as an additional knife and fork for guests tells him that you don’t want to include him in your life. The TV is along the same vein: he’s looking for something to do with you as a couple in your apartment besides just being intimate.” Mobile_Following_198
Another User Comments:
“I am saying this as someone who has not owned a TV for nine years and hardly notices anymore: his hints to buy a TV/spare fork are him saying “I am not happy to do nothing but cuddle/be intimate, I would like to occasionally eat something and not use be stuck using my fingers while watching you eat with your Worth-only Fork.” Right now you’re not set up to share your life.
That’s fine. But you’re missing the giant neon sign where he is asking if you’d consider sharing (parts of) your life, like cooking, eating, entertainment, in the way that partners do—and you’re so unaware of what he’s saying that you see it as an Attack on Your Lifestyle and not “I feel like you don’t care whether I’m here or not” Just saying, if I was with someone and said “I feel like you don’t care whether I’m here or not”, and they said “screw you, that’s an Attack On My Lifestyle” I would consider that a pretty clear statement about where they see the relationship going, and I would get gone.
About the TV thing, yeah, he’s incorrect and pushy, but his sucky focus on that is so massively outweighed by you here that I gotta go with YTJ (Also, wow, candles cost way more than electricity and give less/dimmer light, you are giving yourself expensive eyestrain—though I guess it’ll just be another way you’re blind to things, good luck).” kelpieconundrum
Another User Comments:
“How about buying a projector and some speakers that you can hook up to your laptop? You can have the proper movie-watching experience with your partner, then put them away when you’re done. Your partner is just trying to share things he enjoys with you and you’re flat out refusing to show any interest or consideration for how he might be feeling.
It sounds like you’re taking what you want from this relationship and not giving anything in return. From your own description, it doesn’t even sound like you want to be in it. Maybe something to think about…” stepintothefairyring
9. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Help My Parents After Their Reckless Spending?
“My parents have a long history of terrible financial and money-related decisions. Growing up, I was led to believe we were essentially poor and just scraping by. Asking to participate in school-related or other activities that required money was always a no. I started working at a young age, bought my own car, insurance, etc. Everything I had as an adolescent, I earned myself.
As I got older, I realized both my parents had decent-paying jobs, funds were coming in, and they were even putting some money away for retirement, despite the impression they gave me. Around the time I left to live on my own, they started spending above their means.
Long vacations to tropical destinations, new cars every year, they even bought a boat. They also purchased several time-shares as well as got involved in MLM schemes. To “afford” it, they repeatedly refinanced their home, resetting the mortgage and taking out equity. They would also open credit cards and transfer balances around to get promotional rates without paying down the debt.
The frustrating part is that over the years they would ask me for advice about various financial decisions or a new scheme they found. I would take my time to research and explain why I didn’t think it was a good decision. In every single case, they ignored my advice and did whatever they wanted.
Ok now for the big event … they called me not too long ago and proceeded to tell me that all of their income is gone, they are broke. They explained that over the past several years they have been emptying out their retirement accounts and putting it in a retirement “fund” run by a good friend.
Well, it turns out this fund was a Ponzi scheme and as all Ponzi schemes eventually do, it collapsed. I’ve gone through the full gamut of emotions since they told me. I’m angry that they decided to hide this “fund” from me for years, most likely because they knew I would tell them something wasn’t right about it.
How they bought into the promise of unrealistic returns, even with all the red flags. They had no reservations about asking me for financial assistance. Even though they are retired they still have a mortgage, no surprise there.
They floated the idea of me paying their mortgage for them, but without providing me any equity in return.
I decided not to help them, I feel like they’ve never taken my advice, were excessively frugal when I was young, and even if I did help them, they would probably find a way to squander it.”
Another User Comments:
“OP, yes, they would absolutely find a way to squander the funds you put into the house.
They would also expect you to assist them in other ways … utilities, groceries, transportation. Eventually, they’ll want to move in with you. They chose to bring you into this world and were obligated to care for you; however, you are not required to care for your parents.
It sounds like they expected you to be a minimal financial burden on them growing up, so they should be prepared to live the same way themselves. Did they ever offer to take you on vacation with them? If they never shared with you when money was bountiful, why should they expect your financial help now?
They are only in your life now because they want your money. NTJ.” Snuffles2023
Another User Comments:
“Wow OP I’m so sorry. This is not fair to you at all. How long ago did you find this out? YWNBTJ to make whatever decision you can live with.
It sounds like you’re already trying to think of ways to help them so clearly you are not comfortable telling them, too bad so sad, because you are a good moral person. Take some more time with this and whatever you decide you are willing to do, present it as a fact, not a discussion, with lawyers involved to protect yourself.
They don’t get a vote. They get whatever help you feel comfortable providing and if that’s zero…. so be it. Whatever you decide just be 100% sure you’re comfortable with it. I’m so sorry.” Ok-Position7403
Another User Comments:
“Hey, I know this is a hard situation, but I’m telling you, you have to distance yourself emotionally from your parents’ decisions.
They do sound still young enough in a sense that It doesn’t sound like they are 70 or 74 years old (correct me if I’m wrong) but I’m telling you right now things will not get easier with your parents as they age. They literally become like children.
I’m not saying that it’s easy to do but you have to tell them that they messed up and if they cannot afford a house anymore, they need to sell it and they can rent and live on a budget. You are definitely NTJ you gave them advice on multiple occasions and if they want any retribution from anyone it should be from the people who took their funds.” Deep_Interview_3337
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change My Dream Wedding Venue To Accommodate My Family?
“I (26F) am getting married soon to the most wonderful man (29M) ever! Let’s call him S. So it’s been a dream of mine since I was 13 to have a wedding by Lake Como and I always just treated it as a dream since it was too expensive, but fortunately, my fiancé and I have enough saved up to host this wedding.
However, the issue is that both of us are Indian (we live in Boston) and our family members back home will require visas. S’s family is slightly more well-off than mine and will be able to afford the traveling costs. However, my mom’s side of the family is struggling financially, and even if they can manage to travel, getting a visa will be hard for them as Schengen visas are hard to get for Indians, let alone those with low income.
They’re saying that they cannot afford the tickets but they want to attend my wedding, so they want me to change my venue to somewhere in India. My parents are telling me I need to stop being selfish and my family has a right to be there to see me get married, which I agree with, but I really do not want to change my venue, after all, it’s been my dream since forever!
I suggested a compromise to having a wedding in a really pretty Indian state. But even despite that, they’re saying that since my grandmother is pretty old and gets sick while traveling (even by car to distant places) they want me to keep it within the state they live in (it’s a very boring state and I won’t get the kind of wedding I want there).
S is siding with my family and says we could always just have the wedding in the state, but his parents disagree with him and are saying that since it’s our wedding, it should be our choice. S didn’t really have much of an opinion in picking a location and says he’s “okay with anything”.
I really don’t want to give up my dream wedding, when I can well afford it. I do understand their problems but I can’t help but think that it’s my wedding and therefore it should be my decision. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re going to get very different responses from people with a very different background from yours. Your family wants, probably, a traditional Indian wedding where the families joining together is a veeery significant part, so it is in this context important to allow them to be there.
Unlike other cultures, where the couple is the only one deciding stuff, this is a very social affair and naturally, they want to do the wedding in that way. You want a more personal wedding of your dreams, which sounds like it’s more of a Western style of celebration.
And that’s also absolutely fine if that’s what you prefer, but the social cost in regards to your family can be a bit high. If I were you, I would rather have the honeymoon in a beautiful and chic hotel by the lake and discover the area for two weeks in late summer and have the wedding in India with my family, but that’s my preference.” stressedpesitter
Another User Comments:
“Well YTJ for knowing that your choice of venue would be a problem for your family to attend. Also, the extravagant cost of this dream wedding should have included paying for your guests’ travel and accommodations to said venue. It’s your choice, yes.
So get married where you want without your family or hold a second wedding in India so your elderly grandmother and other family can be there. No one wants you to give up on your dream but you need to be realistic, did this dream include having your family be at the lake too OR would you rather marry at the lake without your family there?
If you chose the latter, you’ve chosen location over family which may be very hurtful to them.” Original_Thanks_9435
Another User Comments:
“All the people voting NTJ are not understanding the cultural context. Indian or South Asian families are not like American or European families.
Extended families are very intertwined and families do so much for each other. Family members genuinely want to be present at weddings to give their blessings and it’s a matter of basic respect and gratitude to hold a wedding everyone can attend. Not to mention the drama it would cause for OP’s parents, siblings, and in-laws for many years to come.
Surely OP can do a small party in Como with a few friends to do a small ceremony. But at least the religious ceremony needs to be with family present. If OP is Hindu, a Hindu religious ceremony in Como would be a nightmare to organize.” AdmirableCost5692
7. AITJ For Considering Reporting A Student For Illegally Passing My School Bus?
“I’m a school bus driver, specifically a minibus for special education students of varying levels of ability.
I was picking up a student this morning, and a car with two kids neighbor kids in it was stopped at my reds going the other way.
Apparently loading my student and getting them buckled in was taking too long for their liking and they just decided to go while the red lights were still flashing and the stop sign was deployed.
I asked my boss what the procedure for this was and she said there’s a police report to file but not much usually comes of that but since it was kids at the school we service their parking pass will get pulled.
Normally I’d be 100% for mess around and find out, you’re breaking an important traffic law that is literally in place to save kids’ lives, but the only thing that’s kind of hanging in the back of my mind is that what they did literally wasn’t dangerous, just illegal. My student was already on the bus and we were at the very end of a cul de sac so there wasn’t any other form of traffic at all.
I was given the paperwork to file once I had the license plate, which I will easily get since I see this car every day, but it’s very unlikely my boss will follow up on what was a pretty quick, informal chat, so it really is pretty much up to me what happens here.
I’m feeling kind of guilty because it’s only November and that’s a long rest of the school year for a senior to have to take the bus.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh yeah, I’d 100% file the police report not just the school report.
That results in action around here, just from residents reporting and if they can’t get enough plate there will be police around the next few days skulking. Little gets them out otherwise, but school bus violations are a big deal. It is dangerous and illegal. NTJ… but only if you carry through.
Otherwise YTJ or maybe get called for a deposition when he hurts someone. This is wildly unacceptable behavior and should absolutely be reported.” shoobe01
Another User Comments:
“Question – If you know you have no other kids registered for this stop, can you pull in the stop sign (presumably turning off the red flashers as well) while assisting that student who’s already on the bus?
I live at the end of a cul de sac with a special needs kid a few doors down. Every morning (this was a few years ago, not anymore) I’d have to rush my kids out of the house by a certain time because if they were just one minute late, we’d be stuck by the bus assisting that neighbor.
Is it frustrating to know that there are no other kids coming but you have to wait anyway because the stop sign is still out? For me, most mornings, absolutely. But that’s still no excuse to blow the stop sign. When people think they can assess a situation and decide on their own if they need to follow a safety law or not, they will likely cause harm.
When children make decisions that way, harm is imminent. These kids need to learn to make better decisions now before they hurt someone. Having to take the bus or park a few blocks away and walk is not the end of the world. Allowing them to continue to arrogantly make unsafe decisions could be the end of someone else’s though.
Also – I am becoming more and more distraught with all of the various ways people take responsibility for someone else’s earned consequences. If their pass gets pulled, it’s because they broke the law. That’s the only reason. Because they broke the law.” Temporary_Pudding_29
6. AITJ For Defending My Fiancée Against My Family's Accusations About 'Half' Sibling Relationships?
“I’m (25m) engaged to Ash (25f) and recently we had an incident with my family where I put my foot down with my family and they think I’m the jerk.
So we were all having dinner, mom and dad, half-siblings (mom’s kids with her ex-husband) and their spouses, full siblings, and me and Ash. During dinner, my parents asked Ash if she’d heard from her siblings recently and Ash said no and she wouldn’t expect to ever hear from them.
Ash was raised with half-siblings who were older than her but did not like that she existed and made sure she knew she was less than in their eyes for being half. They chose no contact once they turned 18 and cut off their (shared) dad too.
Ash carries some sadness around because of it. She’s an only child otherwise and still loves them and sometimes struggles with the little girl inside of her who really looked up to them. But she’s working with a therapist to make sure she’s doing better mentally.
Especially now that she’s an adult who has accepted she’ll never have a relationship with them.
My siblings brought up that they find the half thing weird and we never used it and nobody they know would ever personally use it. Mom said it’s not something that should be encouraged and she’ll never understand anyone dividing family up that way.
My half-siblings said they just don’t want to think people use it, but they do all of the time. They said they always used it for us. That most of us just closed our ears off to it and liked to pretend we’re all full siblings.
They said we’re not and the relationship they have with the rest of us will always be less than the one they have with each other because they have an entirely different side of their family from us and a different dad to us and we only think it’s the same because we never went through divorce and/or death of a parent.
They went through both. My half-siblings went on to say their kids know we’re not their real aunts and uncles and that our dad isn’t their real grandpa. And it’s dumb to think step and half are ignored.
My half siblings left and the rest of my family tried blaming Ash because she brought it up (my parents did, not Ash) and look what she started kind of thing.
My mom said that kind of talk was never in our house before. I told them to stop and when they tried to say Ash working on accepting “half is less” (which she’s not working to accept but to accept her half-siblings not wanting anything to do with her).
I suggested to Ash that we leave and told my family that I was not going to tolerate that from them. I told them it was inappropriate and we would not come back if they were going to keep blaming Ash for something she had no role in.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to have sit down with your mom (the person who is to blame for it). Did she know the situation with your fiancée and her siblings beforehand? If so why would she even think to bring them up?
Maybe to try and brag about the dynamic she believed y’alls family had. How was it like growing up? Did your half-siblings seem to be pushed into everything without actually getting talked to? I have 2 half-sisters and 1 full brother, but I’ve never seen my little sisters as “half-siblings.” They were just my siblings period I love them just as much as my brother even if we don’t share the same father.
The older of the two looks like my twin and the younger one looks like my brother. I know not all families see it that way and I usually see it as because parents don’t take accountability of their children’s feelings and have a talk with them to see how they are feeling about it all.
I don’t agree with the part about your half-siblings saying y’all aren’t “real aunts and uncles” because y’all are. Y’all are siblings sharing the same mother. It seems your half-siblings have some unresolved feelings that have been dismissed by your mother, maybe father, maybe you, and your other siblings.
But your mother does need a reality check.” EstrellaA11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an awesome partner to Ash! Also, LOL! I wonder how long your half-siblings have been holding back that information until finally having a chance to tell the truth in front of the whole family.
I imagine they feel some relief. You and Ash are not the cause of this conversation! I suggest, however, that you and Ash congratulate yourselves for providing relief for your half-siblings! (I’m a glass-half-full person, obviously!)” Ravenmn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well, paint me green and call me Gumby!
Who would have thought that people with different parents wouldn’t consider themselves full siblings? Your mom needs to open her eyes to the situation she has helped create. From the half’s reaction, it sounds like this has been an ongoing situation and your mom has chosen to ignore it.
Of course your fiancée didn’t do anything wrong! I’m appalled at your mom’s treatment of her. I think it was definitely time to set some boundaries, so good for you for refusing to come back until your mom recognizes her nonsense. This obviously isn’t about your fiancée’s relationship with her half siblings and your mom’s behavior was delusional. You probably need to have a private talk with your mom.
Because if your mom believes it’s ok to basically verbally attack your SO over… well, anything really then you need to continue keeping NC between your SO and her.” Dewhickey76
5. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out And Prioritize My Well-Being After Financially Supporting My Family?
“I’m the eldest son of South Asian parents who moved to the West before I was born. Despite financial strain, they sent funds abroad to support their families. Religion was core to their lives, and when I tried to step away from it, they labeled me as delusional.
As a teenager, I struggled with depression, and my lecturers reached out to my parents, hoping I’d get help. On the way to the doctor, my dad dismissed my struggles, saying I was weak and had never faced “real” hardship like those in third-world countries.
My mom suggested I just talk to her, so I downplayed my feelings to the doctor.
I’d wanted to move away for university, but my dad insisted I stay, saying I was too young and it would upset him. Not wanting to study from home, I got a job instead and was asked to start contributing to the household bills right away.
I have two older sisters and a younger brother. My oldest sister and I are the primary earners, while my second-oldest sister quit her job and isn’t on the mortgage. My dad works part-time due to back pain and has a lot of debt, while my mom is a stay-at-home mom.
Although I try to support her emotionally, she insists she’s happy with her life.
Eventually, I received a promotion and got a new job with private healthcare, which allowed me to access a therapist who helped me recover. Still, when I confided in my family, I was judged and made to feel weak.
After another promotion, I decided it was time to move out. My family initially supported my mortgage but later turned against me, pressuring me to buy a house with my oldest sister, tying me down financially.
When my second-oldest sister quit her job, nearly my whole salary went toward household expenses, and I took on £10,000 in debt for renovations.
With only two earners at the time, I was told to “deal with it” as the oldest son. My dad’s limited income went mostly to his own debt, and he expects us to support him in retirement. My younger brother, now in university, doesn’t contribute much financially, though my second-oldest sister’s new job has relieved some pressure.
Still, I’m left with a £10,000 debt—for a house I didn’t want.
My parents also disapprove of my partner because she’s from a different background and isn’t religious. They’ve even said they won’t meet her for years. That was the tipping point for me.
I told them I’d sell my share of the mortgage to a family member, reclaim my contributions, and move out. The bank approved, but my dad called me selfish and ridiculous, fearing they’d be left without a backup if my sisters decide to move out too.
After supporting my family financially for so long, I feel it’s time to prioritize my well-being. Once I’ve paid off my debt and the mortgage is off my name, I plan to move out. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Why not sell off the house and pay off your debt right now?
NTJ. Because you’re supporting everyone. They’ll never let you get away. As soon as the reno mortgage is close to being paid off, there’ll be some brand new emergency that you have to go back into debt over. You’re the meal ticket; they’ll bleed you dry.
What I’m saying is that there will be no polite, conflict-free way for you to win your way free. They’ll fight, and fight hard to keep you tied to and subservient to them. I bet they even think it’s *their* house, not yours. They just let you live there.
As long as you pay for everything.” _s1m0n_s3z
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand the burden of responsibility, especially the responsibility that’s put on you and you’re expected to comply. It’s unfair because it wasn’t what you wanted in the first place, and it took shaming, disrespecting, and guilt-tripping you to comply.
If they want to live their lives this way, that’s fine. But you don’t have to. You’ve given them so much of your time already, time you didn’t owe them or weren’t obligated to give. Nor the funds. It sounds like you’ve gone above and beyond to help but it’s unrealistic to expect you to not live your life.
Be happy. They can figure it out themselves. I’d follow through with removing your name and getting out of there before your sisters do, because then you might feel responsible to stay. And they’ve already done that to you enough. Get out of there. If you want to help them, do it from your own space with your own boundaries in place.
I hope your depression is doing better, I know that’s not at all easy to manage on top of all this. Wishing you the best, OP!” Legolaslegs
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re not a jerk, and I am SO PROUD of you for standing up for yourself and taking care of your mental health!
Like the majority of health conditions, depression is caused by a combination of environment, genetics, and also psychology. The fact that your parents are so demanding and have so little empathy may be a major contributor to that. Seems like you have an enmeshment with them and your therapist will go a long way to helping you with that.
Some of us get bombarded with so much guilt and demands it’s really hard to do what you did, so, again, PROUD of you! Children ARE NOT a retirement plan for parents and the care and things they provided you with were their job because they were the ones who chose to/had children.
Sure, do not abandon them, but don’t give up your life to stay chained down to people who are being abusive. You deserve to live your life however you think it’s best without hurting anyone – which you aren’t.” Dry_Response4914
4. AITJ For Being Upset At My Partner's Surprise Visit After He Lied About His Arrival?
“My (23f) partner (26M) had been away for almost a month and was supposed to return this morning from his trip, but told me that at the last minute, he decided that he wanted to stay one more day at his sister’s (who he hadn’t seen in a while) place.
I had been waiting excitedly for an entire month just to see him, made some decorations and wore his favorite clothes, ordered his favorite snacks, etc., and was very disappointed and upset when he changed his plan last minute. He had no particular reason to want to stay one extra day, so that made me even more upset.
The thing is, he has surprised me in the past by showing up earlier than he was supposed to, so I asked him at least 5 times whether he was lying to me because he wanted to surprise me, because if he was, I would be really upset only to realize that it is not real and do not want to go through a set of negative emotions for no reason.
He said he is being genuine and even sent me a screenshot of the “canceled” ticket. So, I let it go and took down the decor, changed, ate some of the snacks, and cried myself to sleep.
But guess what happens? He shows up on the day (today morning) he was supposed to.
I was obviously happy to see him but not as enthusiastic as I should have been. He asked me why I was being somewhat dry and distant, so I explained that I had told him very clearly that I did not want to feel disappointed for no reason and him telling me intricate lies that made me feel really sad, only to show up anyways made me feel like he did not value my feelings.
He got mad and said I was being unreasonable because “everyone likes surprises”. I told him that while usually I do too, this absolutely did not feel like a surprise, and left the room and went to my friend’s room. I got a bunch of text messages from him saying I am being unreasonable and that I am overreacting.
My friend also thinks that maybe I am being a bit unreasonable to leave him alone when I haven’t seen him in so long, so now I feel a little guilty for walking out; AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!!! He has the nerve to ask you “why” when you so CLEARLY and CONSIDERATELY outlined all the reasons for him!
That leaves two possibilities: 1. He’s stupid 2. He values his plans over your feelings. Neither of these are good things. Also in this instance do not allow friends to pressure you into swallowing your feelings. Do not let him use their opinions as pressure. The relationship is between you two, the friends were not privy to your conversation and your real feelings in the moment.
They didn’t hear your vulnerability when you explained it to him or how easily he lied to you about his plans. This isn’t a ‘surprise’ but a mean-spirited prank where he’s chuckling at how sad you feel and then hoping to be the hero when he shows up early.
He’s throwing a tantrum because he’s not receiving the attention he wanted by pretending to restrict your access to him. And honestly, it’s not even that good of a prank—you already CALLED it and addressed it directly! It’s something he’s DONE BEFORE!
If he wanted to ‘surprise’ you maybe he should have been less predictable! I’d have honestly made plans not to be home—‘surprise I made plans that don’t include you why are you upset? You weren’t supposed to be back!’ He needs to grow up and get a sense of humor that doesn’t come at your expense.” daifukumochi8282
Another User Comments:
“”He said he is being genuine and even sent me a screenshot of the “canceled” ticket. So, I let it go and took down the decor, changed, ate some of the snacks, and cried myself to sleep.” Explain this to him. Also, point out that what he did was NOT a surprise as much as it was a trick.
Also, NO, not everybody likes surprises. Quite a few people do not like them in fact. You clarified with him that you wouldn’t enjoy it (in fact would be upset) if he was lying about coming home a day later and he doubled down. You took down the decor, put up the snacks, and cried yourself to sleep.
Then he has the audacity to show up the next morning and be upset you weren’t jumping for joy. I would have dumped the cat’s water bowl on his head. He completely and utterly disrespected your feelings to do something you explicitly stated you wouldn’t enjoy and would in fact upset you for his own enjoyment.
NTJ. Does he respect you at all? If this is normal behavior I’d be rethinking the relationship. If he’s still in denial about your valid response have him read the responses below where I have no doubt he’s getting ripped to shreds.” KimB-booksncats-11
Another User Comments:
“His “surprise” was just doing what he was supposed to be doing to start with. So instead of putting effort into an actual thoughtful surprise or even gesture, he put in work into bringing your emotions down in a bad attempt to make you happy about him just doing what he was already going to do.
That’s bad. And it’s even worse that he did so after you specifically and multiple times asked him not to do just what he ended up doing. He doesn’t care about your feelings; he cares about doing what he wants to do more.
NTJ obviously. But he is.” Tanyec
3. AITJ For Telling My Pregnant Friend Her Negativity Is Ruining My Pregnancy?
“I (F29) am 7 months pregnant. My friend Cassie (25F) is also pregnant, and about 7 weeks ahead of me.
At first, it was awesome being pregnant together— we’d vent about things, talk about how excited we are, plan mommy-to-be dates, etc. But now her attitude has been rubbing me the wrong way and I can’t stand talking to her about it anymore.
She’s gone from occasional venting to texting me upwards of 5 times a day about every horrible symptom she has. What bothers me is that I also have a lot of the same irritating pregnancy symptoms, but when I try to sympathize she pulls the “oh just WAIT until you’re at _____ weeks!” card as if it’s some strange competition.
So I dropped the sympathy angle and decided to just send her positive messages instead. But she totally sidesteps my attempts at positivity or my suggestions and complains about something else. For example, if I suggested a medicine I took for heartburn she’d reply “no I’ll just throw it up.” If I tried to suggest that she take some time off work because she’s clearly unhappy, she’d reply “I can’t I don’t have enough sick days.” Which is fair, I guess, but it gets old very quickly being shot down over and over.
She ignores all my upbeat messages about staying strong and that she’s almost there and that she can do it and replies with “I’m miserable” instead.
What pushed me over the edge is she also stopped asking me about my pregnancy completely. Never checks in with me, never asks about my baby, and when I try to share anything positive she hardly acknowledges it.
I went from feeling like we were in this together to feeling like she is the only pregnant one. I finally snapped when she texted me about her swollen ankles for the 20th time and said that I’m already anxious enough with my own due date creeping up and that her negativity is ruining my own pregnancy.
I told her that I’m not feeling great either, but I’m not sending her lists of ailments every morning and I suggested she start venting to her husband instead.
I obviously hurt her feelings— she read it and hasn’t spoken to me since.
I feel completely justified, but my husband said I shouldn’t have said anything, that she’s “clearly struggling more”, and that I should just basically treat her with pity because she’s so unhappy. I think she’s a total downer and I don’t need that energy weighing me down, but now I’m wondering if I’m being insensitive because she is so close to giving birth and clearly having more complications than I am.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this sounds like a real pain to deal with and you already have enough of those. Venting is the kind of thing that should be either brief or mutual, imho. Hers is all the time and all about her, which is not okay.
Also, mention to your husband that she isn’t actually “clearly struggling more” as you deal with all the same problems she does (as you mentioned up top) and you don’t have the bandwidth to play silent listening ear on top of that. If she wants to have an actual conversation where you both are heard, she knows where to find you.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get your frustration. I didn’t have a friend like that while pregnant but I absolutely have a mom friend like that. Recently I realized our mutual friend also has this problem with her and has been cooling off the friendship so it’s not just me.
She’s just a martyr. Every time we hang out it’s about how her kid is running her ragged, her husband sucks (he does, but there is no indication that she ever let on that she’s unhappy or what he could change to make her happy.
If she is as passive-aggressive as she sounds to me, then she is the cause of a lot of her own problems), her family sucks, her landlord sucks, her neighbors have it out for her. And if I try to suggest any solution (including, but not limited to, just TALKING to the people who make her unhappy) she always has a reason why the problem is unfixable.
It’s exhausting. I never feel like I had fun after being around her. So I just don’t hang out with her much anymore. No need to confront. Just gray rock until she (hopefully) gets over it.” ObligationWeekly9117
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she’s miserable, even if she thinks she’s warning you, it’s clearly too much.
You are not her emotional punching bag and she sounds like an energy vampire. I would reach out and calmly explain that you need her to know that you love and care for her but that the complaining is taking a toll and filling you with dread for your own pregnancy.
Say that she doesn’t ask about you and it feels too lopsided to always focus on her because her baby is coming sooner (also is that going to be the norm as your kids grow up? Hers may crawl first so she gets complaining rights?).
Let her know you’ve set boundaries with other people about what you want to talk about or hear and to stay friends and stay in touch you need her to stop whining to you about her symptoms.” justanother1014
2. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Roommate's Disrespectful Partner?
“I (23F) live with three other girls: Kelly (23), Gina (22), and Jasmine (20). We’re college students in a four-bedroom, two-bathroom duplex.
I’ve lived here for three years, two of them with Gina. Before she moved in, I told her I’m strict about keeping shared spaces clean. She’s an only child and has never lived with others, so it’s been an adjustment for her, but she’s improved—except when her partner, Jake (22), is over.
Jake lives with his parents and visits often, but he has zero regard for our space or basic etiquette. He’s left trash around, size-13 shoes blocking the doorway, and stained my couch and rug with food. I’ve asked Gina multiple times to talk to him, but she just gets annoyed with me and says it’s “not her responsibility.” The other roommates agree with my standards, but I’m usually the only one who speaks up.
The final straw was one morning when I found our shared bathroom soaked. The floor mats and towels were drenched, the shower curtain was barely hanging, and there was clutter everywhere—like Jake showered outside the shower. I couldn’t even use the sink without cleaning up first. Then, when I went to make breakfast, I found their half-eaten fast food left all over the stove.
Frustrated, I threw it out.
I texted Gina about this mess, and she told me to bring it up directly with Jake since “he did it.” So, I texted him, explaining that if he couldn’t respect our space, he couldn’t use anything I owned in the house, which included most of the living room and kitchen items. He apologized but dismissed it as usual. He responded, “I’ll just stay in Gina’s room then.”
Gina then texted me, hysterical and crying. She was on our porch, telling Jake how “unfair” I was being, saying it’s “not her fault.” She demanded I let Jake use my things, arguing it’s her house too. I told her he can use her things in her space, like her room or the shared bathroom, but not mine.
I pointed out that, like with a pet, she’s responsible for her guest’s mess. She’s now telling people I’m “banning” Jake from the house (not true—I just limited his use of my stuff), and they’re threatening to report me.
I laughed and said they could.
Am I the jerk? I haven’t yelled, called names, or banned him—I just set boundaries with my things since he disrespects them.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh my god NTJ! My ex-roommate had her partner stay over for a week without even letting me know.
We had a shared bathroom and he was leaving dirty socks on the floor. The shower was always gross after he used it so I couldn’t shower till I got rid of the gunk. I told them to stop leaving dirty clothes behind and to clean up after themselves which they just ignored. My last straw was when I came home and realized the bathroom mat was soaking wet.
I kicked it a little to the side and noticed a stain underneath. I flipped it over and it was covered in mud. What the heck? I knocked on her door and of course she wasn’t there. For context, we were mostly on non-speaking terms but that’s a whole different story.
She got back a week later and I told her about what happened and she kept insisting it wasn’t them. I know for sure it wasn’t me so who else would have done it? Eventually, she told me to bring it up with him since she wasn’t the one who did it.
I said fine and she said she’d give me his number. She never did. Two days later she moved out without notice. LMAO.” ___meepmoop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good for you for handling both Gina and Jake (and even your other two ‘not going to get involved’ roommates) so beautifully!
Don’t wait for the leasing office to come to you. Go to them first and document how often Jake is at the place and share your photos. As for the “people” she’s bad-mouthing you to, don’t worry about that. (1) They may know Jake’s and her character.
(2) They may know your character. (3) They may know that it is not their business to even worry about or judge. (4) They may come to you to hear ‘the other side’ and you can choose to tell them as much or as little as you like.
All of these possibilities are good. The 5th possibility is that a few of those ‘people’ choose to judge you based on the skewed words of Jake and Gina. Are they people whose opinion you are really going to care about? You’ve done great. I don’t think there’s much more you need to do or worry about.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re absolutely in the right to set boundaries regarding your personal space and belongings. You’ve asked Gina multiple times to talk to her partner about respecting the shared spaces, and she’s been dismissive of your concerns. Texting Jake directly, as Gina suggested, was a reasonable step given the situation.” twilightmia
1. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Christmas At Home Instead Of Driving To My In-Laws?
“My wife (30) and I (28) are debating where to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My wife wants to go to her parents’ house, which is a four-hour drive from where we live.
Then we will need to return to our house because she has work on the 26th morning.
I told her that I don’t want to go because for sure I am the driver and that will be tiring for us and our son (3).
And she said that her sister can fetch them from our house if I don’t want to go to them.
I told her, “Okay, I think I’m going to spend Christmas alone.” Then she said fine no problem.
Now, I’m here to ask for advice. I want to spend this holiday with them, but her family is so clingy. For sure, her parents are going to be mad at me when I don’t let them come.
P.S. I’ll pick being home alone at Christmas than go to somebody else’s house tired and with nothing to do except wait to go home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is a common problem in any marriage. I think it’s important to sit down with your wife and have a conversation about who’s spending which holiday with what family, or if you’re going to celebrate alone.
A common solution is (if you’re in the US) to switch between Thanksgiving and Christmas: your family for Christmas, hers for Thanksgiving, and then the next year, hers for Christmas and yours for Thanksgiving.” Fujou_
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk because you & your wife haven’t communicated and figured out how y’all want Christmas to work for your new family.
You’re splitting up and doing different things instead of resolving the issue. Maybe do every other Christmas with her family and the other Christmases with the 3 of you at home? You and your wife and your child are now a nuclear family. This family should be y’all’s priority at holidays, not the families you had before.
So you and your wife probably won’t spend holidays the same way you spent them before you got married and had a kid. This is a normal change that happens in most families and your wife needs to consider that.” Sunshiny__Day
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have as much right to want to stay home with your family and celebrate, especially with those drive times. Is the 4 hours a round trip? If not, then you should lay down a boundary of only ONE trip for the entire holiday season, especially when the dates are close together like Christmas and New Year’s.
Tell your wife that you appreciate her desire to spend time with her parents and siblings, but you want to develop a family tradition of celebrating at home and now is a good time to start with your kiddo still being so young. Maybe compromise that you go to her parents every other year for a few years (maybe 2 rounds so a total of 4 years) then either start extending it to every third year or longer or start at home permanently after that.
She also needs to consider work schedules. If one or both of you has to work until either the 24th or return the 26th then make that year off the table for travel. Either that or she needs to put on her big girl pants and accept that she will have to drive at least half the time.
I’d also check in with her sister/siblings. She says her sister can come get her and kiddo then deliver them home. Does sis know yet? Right now, I wouldn’t put it past your wife to pull a “sis can’t do it so you need to take us now” or not go and be passive-aggressive about it through New Year’s because you refuse to cave to her demands.
Heck, for all your wife knows whoever takes her and your son will suddenly say “Nope. Staying through (date). Tough luck” and suddenly your wife is scrambling to get home for work or calls out then makes you go pick them up so she can at least make the next work day.” ToriBethATX
