People Get Frustrated In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Being Upset That My Fiance Had His Sick Mom Pick Up Our Kids?
“My fiance (31m) and myself (27f) both had work the other day. He works as a manager at a store and I work as a tech at a retail pharmacy. Our schedules ended up conflicting. I always close (6 pm) on Tuesdays and he was scheduled off at 5.
However, he had a meeting for work that would include a late dinner. He texted me at about 4 pm and asked whether he would be going to get the kids from daycare, and I received no response for quite some time. Their daycare closes at 6.
When he responds he says he thinks he’ll make it in time. I heard nothing else so I assumed he would. I got off work and went to get my stepdaughter from my parent’s house as she was there due to school being out. Around 6:30 I get a call from his mom.
She said the boys are still here and he said he’d be done at 6. I said wait you have the boys? She said yeah he asked me to pick them up. I hung up with her and immediately called him twice with no answer.
I was angry because he sent his kids to his mom when she was sick and needed rest. She was in the ER with the flu 2 days prior.
I don’t think she should have ever been asked to watch them when it was known she wasn’t feeling well. He didn’t call me or text me to let me know that he couldn’t get them, I had no clue he had someone pick them up.
When his mom called I was on my way home expecting my kids to be there. He was supposed to pick them up, but instead, because I couldn’t get ahold of him and his mom was calling me because she didn’t feel good and couldn’t keep up with them, I ended up picking them up.
He doesn’t think asking his mom was wrong, because she said she’d do it. I think it’s selfish and inconsiderate. He doesn’t think the whole situation is a big deal, that I should not be angry, when I didn’t even know my children were with someone else after daycare was closed.
He thinks that it’s fine he asked his mom, and that he just solved the problem. I think he should’ve called me and one of us should’ve left work to get them, and his mom shouldn’t have been an option. I then asked if this dinner was mandatory and he said no but it would’ve looked bad not to go, and I think he should’ve just said he couldn’t go to the dinner to get the kids considering I was scheduled until daycare was closed. He believes that this whole thing is not a big deal and that I’m making it a big deal. Am I the jerk for being mad?
Am I truly making this a big deal when it’s not? I need opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He told you he was going to get them. He got someone who needed rest to get them. He didn’t pick them up from his mom when he said he would and she was ill.
You would never have found out she’d picked them up if he had gotten them – no way was he eating dinner and getting to her house by 6. And most importantly, he left your children with someone who was hospitalized with flu, so now you have to wait and see if they have it too.
I hope they’re not very young. Your husband has no common sense, imposed terribly on his sick mother, and doesn’t care, because nonmandatory dinner was more important to him.” Vuirneen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ a lot is going on here. The reason it’s ok that you’re mad is that your hub knew he was doing the wrong thing.
If he thought it was the right thing to do, he would’ve kept you in the loop and returned your calls. He was a jerk for taking advantage of his sick mother and for exposing his kids to the flu.” pineboxwaiting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That was rotten of him, in all the ways other commenters have mentioned. I want to emphasize how wrong it was to take advantage of his mother. An aging neighbor told me that years ago when his kids were little, he asked his mother to pick them up from school.
She let him know she wasn’t feeling well, but my neighbor insisted that he was busy and needed her to go get them. I’ve noticed that he tends to be a pushy, selfish guy. His Mom (edit to add: reluctantly gave in and) left to get his kids.
While stopped for gas, she lost her balance, fell off the curb by the gas pump, and died. My neighbor told me about it, expecting that I’d feel sorry for him over the fact that his siblings blamed him for his mother’s death. “Can you believe that?!” He said incredulously.
I was thinking but didn’t say it: “Yes. Yes, you did kill her.”” Expert_Slip7543
22. AITJ For Disapproving Of My Mom's Extravagant Party Plans?
“My (19F) brother (24M) graduated from college a few months ago. We both live at home.
Our family isn’t well-off so celebrations were done on a limited budget. Rather than have a big party, we went to a really fancy restaurant that my brother likes, the week after his graduation. It was agreed that we don’t have the resources for a party.
Now, some months later, my mother wants to host a celebration party in his honor, and invite the entire “village”. I initially didn’t see an issue with it until I saw her plans for the event: A guest list of nearly 40 people! Let it be known that I am an introvert, so I don’t enjoy public gatherings anyway.
My mom is an unemployed housewife and gets an allowance from my father for personal needs and household expenses. My father has decided that he wants nothing to do with the party since it’s not in the budget, and is not funding it at all.
Therefore, my mother who has like no savings is using the resources allocated for household expenses (groceries, etc).
When asked, I suggested some garden/picnic venues in the area, and getting some nice finger food platters from a caterer, or some restaurants. Mom insists on cooking the meal herself and hosting it at our house because a caterer/venue is too expensive.
She’s since been on a cleaning spree of removing and cleaning EVERYTHING, ordering me to move tables, this carpet is ugly let’s remove it, etc. It’s a lot of work, especially since I’m writing finals and this event is tomorrow.
I managed to talk her down to about 25 people, but that’s still a lot to host in our house.
She’s since continued to ask me my opinion on the event and I let her know that I don’t approve: we already had an intimate celebration, which Brother is fine with, we don’t have the resources to do this, and doing all the cooking, cleaning, hosting is burdensome on both me and her (girl in a POC household=maid).
I said that I understood why she wanted to celebrate, but I wouldn’t have done it her way, and that she was creating a lot of unnecessary stress. To add on, Bro didn’t ask for the event and has not been involved in the prep or planning at all.
Bro doesn’t care for the event, dad is expressly against it, and now she’s upset that she’s “in this alone”. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but she asked for my opinion and I gave it. I’ll still help out obviously, though…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- all of your reasons are completely valid, but the one you should focus on the most with your mother is the fact that you need to work on your exams. Can you go to the library to work on them? That way you won’t get pulled into helping, and your mom can see that you really are too busy.
Hopefully, you can get your dad on your side and let her know that your education needs to come before a party. And as to the finances, while you are definitely correct, it may be difficult to get through to your mom, because sometimes parents think that their children should stay out of their financial concerns.
That should probably be a discussion for your mom and dad. But your exams need to come first for you, not this party. Get yourself out of the house to focus on what you need to do. Good luck with everything- you got this!” TinyLittleHamster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s never your feelings that make you the jerk, it’s your actions. You’ve helped with suggestions and said you will still help out. You aren’t even harassing her about your opinion, just giving it when asked. You are golden. For some reason, this means a lot to your mom and she’s kind of losing her mind.
Do you have any idea where this is coming from? Not that it matters but might help you if you understood where she’s coming from. Just do your best to remain sympathetic and kind to her while this plays out, and don’t offer more help than you are comfortable with.” Ok-Position7403
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom’s prioritizing a party over actual household necessities is wild. Using grocery resources for a massive event when the family isn’t even on board? Red flag central. Sounds like financial stress is creating family tension. Your dad refusing to engage, mom going nuclear with party planning – there’s definitely some underlying communication issues here.” glitteringstarbreeze
21. AITJ For Breaking Family Tradition Of Naming Children After Months?
“My (25M) wife (24F) gave birth to our son two weeks ago. My family has had the tradition of naming the child months of the year for 5 generations on my mum’s side.
My name is December (I’ve shortened it to Dec hoping people will think it’s short for Declan or something normal), my brothers are called August (not so common in the UK) and July (poor guy, nothing you can do about that one) and my sisters are called April, June and May (not so bad).
My wife and I called our son Tobias. We kept the name a secret until after he was born and we had signed the birth certificate so it couldn’t be changed. When we told my parents a week ago, they were most certainly not happy.
Even though my dad has the nice normal name of Alex, he liked the tradition. My sister, June, named her daughter March to keep with the tradition so my parents expected me to do the same. My mum continually said that we should call the baby September for a girl and October for a boy throughout the pregnancy.
I never outright said I wasn’t going to because I knew what lengths they would go to to make sure my baby would have a month as a name. My brothers were on board when we told them, understanding growing up with the teasing.
My parents left after saying we were disrespecting my heritage by not following the tradition. I told them I wasn’t going to name my child a ridiculous name because some old, long-dead, crazy man decided months of the year would be good names and just because my mum was stupid enough to join him and his madness, didn’t mean I had to.
They stormed out and haven’t spoken to me since.
My sisters have said I should have just named him a month to keep the peace and I’m a jerk for insulting my mum and her family. I feel as though I’m just looking out for what’s best for my son.
My family seems to think my wife has “brainwashed” me into calling him something normal even though I have never made it a secret that I hate my name.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The boy options apart from August (and that makes me think of Augustus Gloop from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) are weak.
You’d go through life hating the name and he would probably go through life getting bullied. Even as a middle name, I don’t see why you should be bullied into something you don’t want. But let me get this straight – it isn’t even related to the month the child was born, given your Mum wanted September for a girl and October for a boy.
April, May, and June are ok for girls, but only if the parents liked the names. But the whole thing seems very random and kind of like a tradition that needs to just fade out. Your son will thank you later and your mother will get over it eventually.” KBobbetyBobbins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your kid, your choice in names. Also: 1. It’s not like you were breaking tradition by not naming him after a beloved, deceased relative (you’d still not be the jerk if you did break that tradition). 2. With only 12 months and this going on for 5 generations, that must mean that there are so many duplicate names for different family members.
There is nothing wrong with that, but if it were me I would not want my child to be one of the 10 (or whatever) people named after a particular month.” Hello_JustSayin
20. AITJ For Expecting My Sister To Pay Me More For The Car I Sold Her?
“I (23) sold my car to my sister (27) a little over two months ago. At the time we were both still studying and tight on funds, so we agreed on 2700, which she would transfer in monthly installments. She mentioned it would be around 500 each month, but that she’d have to see exactly how much it would be later on.
She finished her studies shortly after we agreed on things, and started her job as a doctor, earning herself a nice paycheck. Since then she’s paid me 400 last month, and 200 this month. I was a bit surprised to only see 200 come in this month, so I texted her about it, asking her how she was planning to go about it exactly.
She told me she’s still struggling and paying off debts, so she’ll pay me what she can.
Normally I wouldn’t take any issue with this, but the thing is, I know she’s been making other expensive purchases left and right since she started with her job.
A 500 euro hair straightener, or new decoration for her apartment. She feels she deserves to spoil herself after studying hard for nearly ten years. Sure I get that, I just feel like the more sensible thing to do is take care of our agreement, and then buy nice things for yourself.
On top of that I think if she’s gonna pay me way less or varying amounts every month, then the least she can do is let me know in advance, so I know what to expect.
All in all, I do feel a little let down by this.
It’s not a huge issue and it’s not like I’m in super desperate need for funds, but I do need to know what my budget is like for each month, and I feel like she’s not really prioritizing our agreement. Should I mention any of this to her or not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d mention it to her, but be aware it’s not going to be a fun chat. I’d normally be pretty forgiving because she is probably not kidding about the amount of debt she’s got, but if she’s spending money on herself (eg the straightener) then yeah, she should be paying you back.
At the very least, discuss it with you before just shorting a payment.” riddermarkrider
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to feel annoyed by it. One option is to say to her that you need the stability of knowing your income and you want to agree to a fixed monthly repayment so you can plan, and it will help her plan too.
Then figure out an amount that works for you both e.g. maybe 300 a month. Remember this lesson. She is not a reliable person to lend money to, don’t do this again. Alternatively, you can presume you are getting nothing each month (so don’t budget for it) and it is bonus money when it comes in.
I would also not give her a birthday present or Christmas present but knock an amount off the loan instead of the gift.” MisaOEB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Do a little straight talk with her. She might not really understand your position. You are right, she does need to follow the contract as discussed, hopefully you had her sign a note.
I never sell anything to family and don’t lend them money either. Best way to lose family and create heartburn!” Willy3726
19. AITJ For Calling My Husband Self-Centered For Commandeering The TV?
“My husband likes to sit in our family room and watch football, sports shows, etc. We have an open floor plan home where the kitchen & family room are merged and our large screen TV is in the central hub of the house on the first floor.
My husband spent most of the weekend watching games while I was out & about with our houseguest. At about 9 pm Sunday, I found myself alone in the family room & sat down to watch a show after clearing dishes, etc. My husband had gone upstairs to take a shower.
Upon returning to the family room he asked if I was “kicking him out”. I said no, I was just watching TV. He said he’d go to our bedroom to watch his show. I detected a bit of irritation in his voice but I ignored it.
This morning I came downstairs to make breakfast; my husband was leaving to run an errand. While I went upstairs he told our guest not to turn off the TV or change the channel because he was watching a show and wanted to rewind what he missed while out.
So our guest and I didn’t touch the TV while drinking our coffee & having breakfast.
When my husband returned an hour later, I mentioned privately that I didn’t change the channel but I thought it was a bit much of him to ask that we not considering he wasn’t even home to use the TV and it’s an ESPN show which will run again today.
He got angry and said I was trying to make him feel like a jerk; that it wasn’t a big request. I pointed out that it’s a shared living space, that he tends to commandeer it, and he’d used it all weekend without interruption as I was gone & our DD was on her tablet or in our room.
It felt a bit unfair. I told him that it seemed self-centered and a bit entitled. I truly attempted to give my perspective without being hostile but he still got mad even though I had complied with his request & hadn’t changed channel. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ there’s a great article about women hating open-concept homes because it means they have to just watch their useless husbands sit on their backsides all day. I wish I could find the article, but oh well! Yeah, it seems like your husband thinks he’s like the captain of the Living Room Media Center but is just being lowkey rude and annoying.” TallLoss2.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ although I do wonder how you got to this point. This is standard behavior on the part of your husband, and having a houseguest over doesn’t interrupt that. If he’s always got the TV on weekends before this, when expecting a change without talking about making the change beforehand isn’t acceptable.
However… your husband is still the jerk here, for the very strange reason that I do not know of any modern TV system that requires you to leave the TV ON and on the actual channel to record a show. If your husband is that obsessed about watching his favorite show, he sets it up to record and then you and your guest can watch something else.
That’s been possible for a decade. It was even possible when VCRs were a thing since you could split your cable and have the VCR record one channel while you watch another on the actual set. So, your husband is 35 years out of date on his ability to commandeer the TV in the family room, and that’s so dumb.” rockology_adam
18. AITJ For Being Upset That My Father Left My Wedding To Take My Sister To The Airport?
“Growing up I (28 yo female Asian) was constantly being compared to by my parents with my sister (25 yo). I tried my best to please them but it was never enough. I left to study abroad when I was 20.
The trauma from the past is always haunting me to the point that I feel like I have no self-esteem and am afraid of heights because I constantly have nightmares about jumping out of the window after a fight with my parents.
This year, I decided to marry my now husband in July.
I always wanted a small wedding. Being traditional Asians, my parents insisted on a big wedding with 1000 guests, most of them my husband and I don’t know. I invited only 1 best friend from high school because my other friends were in Europe.
I don’t like the idea of a big wedding but I am okay with it to please my parents.
My sister mentioned that she cannot attend the wedding (in my hometown) because she has an exam after 2 days. My parents wanted her to be there so they could present her with all their friends. We came to the solution that she would attend the ceremony and leave early to fly back to Europe.
During the wedding, everything went great for about an hour.
After the ceremony, I went to a separate room to fix my makeup, I heard that my sister had gone to the airport to catch her flight back to Europe. What I cannot imagine is my dad abandoned me at my wedding with 1000 of his guests and went to the airport with her because he worried about her being alone.
Mind you, we have our driver who drove her directly from the wedding to the airport, and she has flown back and forth several times. He never came back until the end of the night. When I was in the lounge all the guests asked me where is your father?
After I told them he was gone, they had nothing more to say to me. (My dad is a powerful man in my hometown and most of the guests are at my wedding to please him). When he is not there, they start to leave.
I stood there all alone (my husband went with his parents to greet his relatives), everyone saw me, but no one talked to me. I felt like I was just airing in a gigantic hall of 1000 guests.
After standing there for about 15 minutes with no one interacting with me, I went to the makeup room and cried until my husband looked for me and told me that all the guests had left and we should go home.
After the wedding, my dad came home and apologized for not coming back earlier because of the traffic jam, but he had done the right thing because she needed him more and he stayed long enough for the ceremony. My mom told me that I was a jealous person, they gave me a luxury wedding, what more could I ask for?
I didn’t remember what happened after that. Now after 4 months when I think about it, I still cry. My husband comforted me but he didn’t understand my pain because he is loved by his parents. Many times I blocked them but after 2 weeks began to think about whether I overreacted and whether should I give them a chance.
Until now I just can’t because I love my family but I hate them also.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have learned a painful lesson about going against your instincts. Next time, do what you know in your heart is best. Let this go, and rejoice in the fact that you have a husband who loves you and understands your needs.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But a suggestion: have the wedding you want. A redo. Nothing extravagant or expensive. Have a few close friends and an officiant (or just the two of you) and head off to the mountains, or beach, or courthouse, or your living room.
You can do it now, on Dec 31 (for the New Year), or on your 1st anniversary (continued commitment to each other). Don’t tell, but a few people you can trust completely. You had the big lavish wedding your parents wanted, now, do the small intimate wedding that you wanted.” pinkflamingo-lj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t overreact. You did the wedding they wanted, not you and they couldn’t even stick around for you. Do not contact them again. They showed that they couldn’t even put you first for one day. For the ruined wedding, maybe ask your husband if you can do a vow renewal kind of wedding next year in Europe with just your (his and your) friends and if he wants his relatives again.
Do the small wedding you dreamed of and don’t be bothered by your family. Celebrate with people who care about you – and then the horror of this first wedding can be forgotten over a perfect wedding for you.” Trevena_Ice.
17. AITJ For Not Paying For A Trip I Didn't Attend Despite Giving Advance Notice?
“Back in July/August, I (23f) was supposed to take a trip to Ibiza with my friends (all 22fs).
The trip had been planned since February 2024, but while planning it I kept feeling left out. It looked like they were trying to get me to not go, either by booking the most expensive flights or by not listening to anything I had to say, despite me being the only one who spoke Spanish and understood the descriptions and locations of the hotels and apartments they were looking at.
We finally decided on an apartment that wasn’t too cheap but doable and paid for the flight. It’s important to note that we didn’t have to pay in advance, there were no cancellation fees until 4 days before our departure, and it was booked using one of my friend’s accounts on booking.
Fast forward to April. I got a call back for a job I wanted and I was due to start working on May 3. This meant I was probably unable to attend this summer trip. I told my friends, in advance, that there was the possibility I couldn’t go.
As soon as I started working my, now, manager confirmed that I would not be able to mature enough vacation days to be able to go, so I told my friends, offered to help them find someone to replace and told them to text me if they needed anything such as help finding a new place to stay as we could cancel the booking and not pay any fees.
None of them looked or acted disappointed I couldn’t go. They didn’t even answer my text.
Fast forward to July 1, the day the free cancellation expired. My friends finally texted me saying they tried to ask around a bit but no one could join them and take my place, so, thinking they cared for me and understood my situation I offered to try and help with the money for the apartment.
Which, I know was a mistake on my part but I honestly thought they would’ve done the same for me if I were in their situation.
Well, they asked me to pay for the entirety of my share, which I didn’t find right as I had given them a 2-month notice, plus we did not have to give any deposit and they had two months to cancel and book somewhere else.
In the end, they ended up paying a hundred extra euros (per person) for the apartment. They texted me in late August just to tell me how I had broken an almost 10-year-old friendship and I didn’t have any respect for their money. I completely cut ties with them but some of our old friend group sided with them and kept telling me I was the jerk as it was my responsibility to help them out.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there was no refund, or they were out because of you cancelling at the last minute, I’d say you were out of luck. But that isn’t what happened. You let them know, far in advance, that you would be unable to make the trip.
There was no deposit paid at that time. They should have changed the booking if the apartment wasn’t something they felt they could afford. Instead, they chose to ignore it and failed to fix any issues they may have had. They own this one. Don’t accept their blame game.
Tell them they showed no respect for YOU by not taking it seriously when you told them you could not go. They broke the friendship by trying to take advantage of the situation. Those are NOT friends.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“Did you ever find out what their real reason was for excluding you earlier?
If you can get somebody to leak the real story to you, then you can use that to defend your honor, to all the other friends who were misled about you mistreating your ex-friends.” LTK622
Another User Comments:
“They were already ignoring you and didn’t react or care when you told them in advance you couldn’t go.
They decided to go ahead with the holiday as planned without asking anyone else to join, and chanced their luck by playing on their goodwill and conscience to top up their holiday budget. Good that you stuck up for yourself and didn’t let them take advantage of you.
Don’t care what others say, being used is wrong.” Novel_Pickle820
16. AITJ For Refusing To Lie To My Kids About My Ex's Affair?
“My ex (31f) and I (30m) have two kids together (10 and 9). Our marriage ended when I learned she was being unfaithful to me. The guy she was being unfaithful with is now her husband. They had been “together” since before our first child was even conceived and when I learned this I paid for a DNA test to make sure our children were mine.
They’re mine biologically. That was confirmed. And once that was confirmed and we had attended 3 co-parenting classes we were shared physical and legal custody. This means the children spend 50% of the time at both my and my ex’s houses.
In June of this year, my kids told me that their grandmother (ex’s mom) had told them that their mom and her husband were unfaithful and broke up our family and that’s why they (their mom and her husband) hate me.
I didn’t lie to the kids and say it wasn’t true. But I did talk to them and assured them they didn’t need to hate anyone on my behalf and I told them it didn’t have to change things.
But it has. The kids have brought it up to my ex repeatedly since they learned this and they call my ex’s husband mean now.
The kids didn’t have the greatest relationship with him before this but now they don’t want to spend time with him and they say he’s really mean.
My ex was furious with her mom when she realized what her mom had done. She had blamed me for telling them beforehand (though not to my face).
Now that she knows what happened she has been telling me to lie and say they never were unfaithful and they met after we broke up. I refused and she said I’m a failure as a parent, I’m hurting our kids, ruining their family, and that I should love our kids more than I hate her and make sure they can love and respect her again.
I said I wouldn’t lie and that I had already talked to our kids and I refused to cover for her.
She has fired more and more accusations of me mistreating our kids.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t tell the kids yourself, and you did make it clear that you don’t want them to hate your ex and her husband because of it.
But kids aren’t dumb just because they’re young. They can form their own opinions and determine what’s right or what’s wrong for themselves. Your ex just has to accept that her actions have consequences and that you won’t be doing her any favors by covering up something she did (which was her betraying you and ruining your marriage, by the way).” charmer143
Another User Comments:
“Your ex-wife sure is projecting. She’s guilty of everything she accused you of. Frankly, her problem should be with her mother. You did the right thing by not dragging your kids into her mess and assuring them they don’t need to hate anyone on your behalf.
The cat is out of the bag, and your attempting to lie to them now is only going to make them distrust you too. NTJ.” fiestafan73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ here is the thing about secrets they always come out. Your kids respect and trust you enough to not lie to them.
If you do your ex’s bidding and lie the kids will realize they can’t trust either parent. Your kids need therapy. Not to make them reconcile with mom but to let them talk through their feelings. In a short amount of time, they lost the family they had, had a new person become part of their life, and now found out their mom is the reason their world got turned upside down.
Tell your ex instead of doubling down on the lie, which won’t work, try putting in the effort and time to rebuild trust with her children.” angry-always80
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear White At My Best Friend's Wedding?
“Me and my best friend, Poetry, have been best friends since like 3rd or 4th grade now and we are in our 20s/30s.
And we’ve been through thick and thin and we got into a lot of trouble so just imagine how much we mean to each other.
And I don’t know if it’s official but I don’t think her fiancée, Sam, likes me.
I mean, she asks me if I want to go on their outings sometimes and I say no because they deserve alone time together in and outside of where they live, but I do say yes when it’s a group hangout or someone else is with them.
So a few hours after the proposal, Poetry called me and asked if I could come and I said of course. And she was doing all the planning and all that and all that time later she asked me if I wanted to wear white or red (she’s Indian)
I was questioning it because the rule in a lot of places is the bride wears a certain color the guests and bridesmaids don’t. And I was most definitely going to get some looks even if I do explain I had permission to wear this color.
And I guess there was some fight with her fiancée because he doesn’t want me to wear white to their wedding and I understand that. I don’t want drama so I said I’ll just wear what all the other bridesmaids are wearing or I could wear colors like the groomsmen if that was cool.
And Poetry was saying that her accomplishments are mine and all that. The wedding is in a few weeks and I’m not trying to get her future husband not to like me and not to be in their life, and I don’t want to be a possible chance to ruin their relationship at all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds super creepy: “And Poetry was saying that her accomplishments are mine and all that.” They’re not, and marriage is not an “accomplishment.” It’s an event that will change her life forever, not a trophy that she’s going to keep on the shelf.
This guy isn’t marrying both of you. He’s marrying her.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“In Indian culture (I’m assuming you mean the Asian country) if it’s a traditional wedding everyone wears as much color as possible (generally not red though as that’s usually the color the bride wears).
White is generally worn to funerals – it can be worn to weddings if it is heavily embellished with jewels and threads. I think you need to get them in the same room – be it physical or chat or Zoom (with her mother, if possible) and hash it out so that if anyone takes offense at the color of your garb people know it was the bride’s choice.” East_Parking8340
14. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Abusive Father And Sister?
“Okay, so some background information on this. I have always had a strained relationship with my father, for as long as I can remember. He has always verbally mistreated me and sometimes also physically through smaller incidents. It’s important to note that my mum(47f) and father(48m) are divorced and my sister isn’t my mums.
My father has always disliked my mum after they split because she wouldn’t deal with his unfaithfulness with my stepmum. He’s throughout the years called my mum names and so on to my face and on multiple occasions told me to not end up like her.
He called me disgusting and made me sleep in a cold garage because I got lice in school from my classmate I shared a desk. On multiple occasions he told me I was not allowed to have guy friends, because I would just start being intimate with all of them and girls and boys couldn’t be friends.
I had no contact for a few years when I was 13-17 and slowly after that started seeing my family on that side again because I wanted a relationship with my siblings. This was more seeing them about 5-10 times a year. While the relationship was still very strained, it seemed to get a bit better.
There were of course hurtful little backhanded comments along the way that I ignored to keep the relationship with my siblings. Until earlier this year when everything again went to ruin.
Back in March this year my partner and I went to an Easter lunch with my stepmom’s side of the family, and for a while leading up I had told both my mum, brother from my mum’s side, and my partner that I really didn’t feel comfortable and I felt like something was gonna go wrong.
All three of them proceeded to tell me that I didn’t need to worry so much and just relax and have fun.
The thing is though, that my father is a heavy drinker (I believe – no one else seems to mind his everyday need for a ton of drinks) and my partner had promised me that he would not drink much at lunch, and he would be there for me, and to let him know when I started to feel like he should calm down.
My father kept saying stuff to me during the day in front of the family, that I pulled the most amazing man and I was so lucky to find someone so great, to then laugh at me and say he was unfortunate for finding someone like me.
And many other embarrassing and humiliating comments of the sort.
At some point, he got my partner so intoxicated on schnapps that he could barely stand, and was just laughing in my face about it, and I kinda just flipped out because of the whole situation.
This led to me blowing up on my father, and my sister coming to his rescue telling me that it was not his fault that my partner got so intoxicated off the schnapps. He is not from my country and has never had it before – while I did warn him it was a dangerous game.
We got in a spat, and I told her to go away and she didn’t know what father he was to me, because he certainly wasn’t the same to her.
We left shortly after that and I have not spoken to any of them since.
Now my going no contact with them has meant that I’ve had to decline coming to other family parties because I knew they’d be there. And my grandma told me quite frankly that she’s tired of me not being an adult and trying to mend the relationship with my sister and father.
I told her that I’d given my father multiple chances over the years, and I just couldn’t keep being anxious about having a relationship with him. And while it made me very sad to have no contact with my sister, it was as much her choice as mine.
My grandma thinks I’m the jerk in this situation because he is my father and how could I do that to him, but also because my sister is “too young” to understand the whole situation.
So I guess my question is, am I the jerk?
How do I go about handling this situation, as I feel like the whole family is picking my father/sister’s side?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all of this. It sounds incredibly exhausting and painful to deal with a parent like your father and the dynamics within your family.
You’ve already shown a lot of resilience by setting boundaries and standing up for yourself when those lines were crossed. Your father’s behavior is abusive—both emotionally and physically—and it’s completely reasonable for you to have no contact. It’s not your job to keep enduring that kind of treatment just because he’s your father.
Being a parent doesn’t give someone a free pass to treat their child like that. As for your sister, while it’s unfortunate that your relationship with her has also been affected, it’s not entirely on you. She chose to defend your father in the moment, even though you were clearly upset and vulnerable.
It’s understandable that she might not fully grasp the extent of his behavior toward you if her experience with him has been different, but that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to keep enduring harm for the sake of keeping the peace.” User
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Accommodate My Twin Sister On Our Birthday?
“My twin and I’s birthday is coming up pretty soon and we’re turning 30.
She’s going through kind of a rough time and her ex-partner broke up recently after having moved to another state together a few months ago and (obviously) getting an apartment/signing a lease together. Our mom just told me that my twin would be coming here to our home state and mentioned the possibility of my twin staying with me.
Essentially before they broke up, she was kind of nasty to me when I told her something she didn’t want to hear at the time.
Now, for our birthday, I planned to camp alone for a couple of days, one of those being the actual day of our birthday.
Am I a jerk for not wanting her to stay with me in my apartment and not wanting to move around my original plan to accommodate her? This will be the first time in the year and for some change, I would have a guest in my studio apartment.
Not only that, I didn’t want to do anything big with anyone (except for my mom) for my birthday this year even though I’m turning 30. I know she’s going through a tough time with her breakup and if my mom had just told me she was coming back home for our birthday rather than her suggesting my sister stay with me, I would be there for her.
But suggesting she stay with me wasn’t my idea in the first place. I just wonder if I’m being selfish/a jerk or if what I’m feeling is valid.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not sharing your home. Or for going camping alone.
But you mention wanting to celebrate your birthday with just your mum. Your mum has two kids with the same bday, don’t make her choose between the two of you who to celebrate with. Do your camping alone, but whatever you do with your mum (bday dinner, etc) if it’s on your actual bday your sister should join you there.
A few hours for a bday dinner or something so mum can celebrate with both kids is a lot different than having her stay with you or join you on your alone time camping. If you and your sister can’t get along at all, then celebrate on different days with mum.
You go camping on your bday while your sister celebrates however she wants with mum, then you and mum celebrate on a different day.” Spacetime23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Go on your planned camping trip. It’s your birthday, spend it how you want. If they keep pressuring you about letting her stay, tell them you would be violating a lease rule about extended guest stays.
It doesn’t sound like she’s just going to be there for a weekend. It’s better to not let her into your place at all. You won’t be able to get rid of her.” throw_whey_protein
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s good to have sympathy for your twin & be there for her during a rough time but as you said she did disrespect you when you were trying to be honest & help her.
She still needs to reconcile that. At least reaching out to you personally to apologize & then ask would have been the place to start. Maybe still show up to spend time with her & your mom on your guy’s birthday. But you’re within right to want to protect your personal space.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Using Only My Mom's Unique Surname Professionally?
“I (27f) have divorced parents and I have two surnames, one from each parent. My dad’s surname is a very common name (like Smith or Jones), and my mom’s surname is very unique and different.
My mom’s surname has made it so I am the only person in the world with my combination of names, and I still would be if I only used her name.
If I only used my dad’s surname, there would be hundreds, maybe thousands with the same name.
Recently I have been trying to brand myself on LinkedIn, and I have made my own website. I have finished my degree and I want a job in marketing, preferably something creative.
I am trying to network and make people remember my name, which is why I like it short and easy to remember.
This decision to only use one surname is logical and basedonf the word in itself. It is not based on how much I love each parent.
And I am not going to change it legally. Even if I get married or something, my name stays the same on paper, because I love it.
Now my dad feels hurt by this. He says that his surname is good and he doesn’t understand why I want to act like it doesn’t exist. My mom also has his surname from the marriage, but my dad didn’t take my mom’s.
So he feels his name is much more the family name than my mom’s.
I don’t act like it doesn’t exist. I just don’t use it in a professional context.
Even though I feel like this is a stupid disagreement, I don’t want to hurt my dad, and I don’t want him to feel like I am ashamed of the name or something.
I love his name, because it has been passed down from many generations of farmers, and I love the combinations of names I have.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re branding not altering your birth certificate (and you’d be justified in ignoring him there too, if that was what you wanted or needed to do).
I can see why your dad is upset though, and while other commenters are right that it’s a patriarchal norm and we need to move past that, I do want to take a moment to stand up for your dad’s feelings. Do not alter your plans.
Do not alter your branding. Do not put his name in. But take a moment to think about it from a dad’s perspective. You are great, and you are planning something big. You are creating a brand, a name that the world will know you by professionally.
He’s going to be proud of you, and he’s going to tell people about it, and people are going to say “But her name is X.” This is still a patriarchal thing. This is a holdover from generations back. But your dad feels a claim to you not of ownership (I hope) but of pride, and this interferes with that.
He feels the same pride in the name that you do… but he doesn’t think you feel that because you aren’t putting it out there the same way you are with your mother’s name. He needs to get over it. But old dogs, new tricks, and all that.
He’ll need time and some kid gloves. Old dads are like that. If he’s a decent dad, he comes around, even if he didn’t start in the right place.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If your father cannot see that using her surname professionally, then he is just being dense.
Or petty. Seriously, does he not see the value in making your name stand out with how competitive job acquisition can become? This is a stupid hill for him to die on. I don’t think you need to cater to his whiny attitude.” SubjectBuilder3793
Another User Comments:
“This idea of branding yourself using your name is not all bad. Ie Cher as a brand or celebrity has no last name. But in practicality, how do you get paid as Leslie Z when your banking information is all Leslie Z-Smith? Endless explanations, I guess.
Someone very successful is probably somehow incorporated. Something to consider. That is not helpful with your Dad. But if you are female you could point out you might eventually change your name anyway if you married. If you are male, it is a tougher discussion.
Ultimately even famous or known people can fade from memory. What will linger through subsequent generations is your father’s last name. Right or wrong, maybe he just wants to hold onto that connection?” crabbyoldmaid
11. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate To Take Care Of Her Cats?
“I [24F] have been living with Samantha [28F] for about 6 months.
When we moved in together, she brought her 2 cats, and I brought mine. Shortly after we signed our lease, she convinced me to be okay with her adopting an 8-week-old kitten. As kittens are, she was energetic, which led to my roommate leaving the house constantly because she was too overwhelmed by her, or locking her in our guest bedroom all day.
Right now, the kitten is bonded to me instead of her because I stayed home to take care of her.
Now, she is gone for 14-17 hours a day. She works from 7:30 am until about 4 pm and then goes over to her mother’s house until right before I get home from work at 10:30, or later depending on the day.
Due to this, she never feeds any of her cats scoops any litter boxes, plays with them or cuddles them, etc. She’s pretty much just here to sleep. So all the responsibility for all 5 cats has fallen onto me and honestly, I’m extremely overwhelmed. Her cats are stressed and keep fighting with mine and making their lives miserable, I’m running out of cat food quickly for my girls because I keep having to feed hers when she won’t buy them food.
I’m scooping every litter box by myself without any help from her. I feel terrible for her cats because they’re just stressed and wanting attention but it’s overstimulating to me when her cats try to lay on me (I’m on the spectrum, and having something that heavy lay on my chest makes me feel anxious.
My cats know not to do that and just sit next to me or lean on me).
I will also admit that, while I know it’s selfish, the help with cleaning and caring for them would also be nice. I have a few physical disabilities that make standing or moving around for a long time range from painful to impossible because I will faint on occasion.
I want to ask my roommate to start coming home after work and taking care of her cats, but I know that it’s not my place to do so. I know that I can’t control her or what she does, and I feel like it would be a jerk move for me to try to ask her to stay home more often, especially since it would be for my benefit.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just tell her that you will drop her cat at the nearest shelter if she doesn’t start to look after it. She is an extremely irresponsible pet owner, the poor cat deserves a better owner. Unfortunately, your roommate is so used to you doing everything that there is no need for her to step up.
You deserve better, please put a stop to this nonsense.” Kukka63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’d approach it as she needs to start taking care of her cats more often and pay for their food as you are not a built-in free catsitter. If she can’t handle being around them or paying for their food, care, etc. then she needs to unfortunately rehome them.” Stranger0nReddit
10. AITJ For Asking My Ex For More Child Support Despite His Other Financial Obligations?
“So I have 3 kids with my ex all under 5. I just finished my MBA and am actively seeking new employment in my field.
Right now I am still working at the same company I worked for before finishing school. I make 50K a year. My ex has 2 other children with another woman. These children live in a different state.
Recently my ex has been putting pressure on me to find another job using my MBA.
I’ve been applying since June when I finished my program. As of yet, I haven’t found anything. He is giving monthly support of $350 a month which is not a lot because I understand he has other kids but I do ask him to help with items like clothing once in a while.
But I do bargain shop and usually can get anything my kids need. He is paying support to the other mother of his kids. She makes over 100k a year. Recently I asked him to help buy winter clothing for kids. My proposal was that he give me $100 extra this month to cover new shoes and coats for the kids.
I will bargain shop and put the rest to it.
Yesterday he came yelling at me when he dropped off his monthly payment saying that he’s tired of supporting 3 households and that I should just use the $300. I use the $300 to help pay the kid’s health insurance premium each month.
I told him and he’s telling me to go on Medicaid. I don’t qualify for Medicaid in my state and for some reason and he thinks I’m lying. He stays telling me how the mother of his other kids is struggling and that they’ve had their water disconnected. I thought it was a lie until he showed me the disconnect notice.
I’m not sure how someone with that much income doesn’t have water but I feel like that’s not my fault. He’s told me that he’s paying her close to $700 a month because she’s struggling because her bills are higher. I’m confused because if I made that much money my life would be easier.
I still made him give me the extra money because I felt like my kids were in need too. AITJ for still making him pay the extra $100?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex should definitely have the interests of his own kids at heart, and he should probably balance things out if you’re making literally half of what his other (ex?) partner is making.
I understand that he may be struggling financially and that paying you more might be stressing him, but if that’s the case, he should’ve thought about being a dad before having so many kids.” wombatlikesgrass
9. AITJ For Covering Up My Own Artwork That My Parents Framed Without My Consent?
“I (17F) have recently been trying to get back into art. I used to love drawing and painting when I was younger, but haven’t since 5th grade because my parents were pushing me to be more like my older siblings.
That meant advanced math and science, learning violin, joining Key Club and NHS, etc, and less time for things that I wanted to do.
Two years ago we had to move for my dad’s job and my new school is a lot smaller. There aren’t as many clubs or teams, but there is more free time.
I started drawing/sketching on my phone. But I still just wanted to make something physical, so I found a small flat piece of wood and bought some cheap acrylic paints.
I was just playing around so I wasn’t anticipating that I would make something great on my first try.
I didn’t know how much I would hate it though. I kept trying to fix it but it kept getting worse because it was still wet, so figured I could just let it dry and paint over it. My mom found it though when it was drying and decided she liked it.
She and my dad framed it and hung it up on the wall across from my bedroom door and I have to see it every day. I’ve asked them many times to take it down or to at least hang up something I was proud of and they refused. It’s the only art of mine they’ve ever hung up and I think even kept.
My dad can be scary when he is mad, and I knew my dad would be angry at me if I took it down myself. I was tired of looking at it though after like a year and I figured since it wasn’t BIG I could maybe hide it without them noticing.
So I drew something on some paper and slipped it into the frame in front to cover it up.
It did take them a long time to notice, but when they did they were obviously upset. My mom and dad say that I should be grateful that they’re supportive of my hobbies but I don’t feel very supported and I hate looking at it and didn’t even intend for them to ever see it.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Their attempt at support *seems* nice, but they should respect your feelings about your own work. >I used to love drawing and painting when I was younger, but haven’t since 5th grade because my parents were pushing me to be more like my older siblings Are you sure they’re trying to encourage you now, or is hanging something you dislike a weird ploy to actually discourage you from making more art?” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“This is something your parents love and you made it. It’s not about if it’s good or not it’s that YOU MADE IT. My Dad still has this terrible painting I did for him at four years old. He hung it up in his office.
It’s about the memories of the journey. Just let them have it, but maybe ask them to hang it in their room instead. It’s better to have it than to not; life is gone too soon so enjoy the journey and make many mementos to look back on.” CyaanKnight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They think that you should be grateful that they paid to frame your art, which they think was them being supportive. Even though they didn’t ask at the time. That frame is a trophy celebrating their ‘excellent’ parenting, and they’re hurt that you have refused their gesture.
They’re not listening and don’t want to hear how it actually makes you feel.” _s1m0n_s3z
8. AITJ For Insisting On Paying For Myself After Partner's Unexpected Request To Split Trip Costs?
“I’ve (F26) recently started seeing someone (M37), and there’s been a bit of a learning curve.
I’m of Middle Eastern descent—both my parents were born in a war-torn ME country and immigrated here. I grew up in the US with exposure to both cultures, though American culture is more ingrained in me. My partner is also ME but immigrated when he was my age.
He grew up in his ME country, raised Muslim, and while Americanized, he still holds strong ties to his home/culture.
We’ve butted heads about gender roles and relationship dynamics. For example, he insists on paying for everything when we go out and won’t let me contribute, despite my efforts.
He’s also playfully suggested I move in with him & not worry about paying bills (since we live an hour apart). I shut that down.
I was raised to be independent, so I’m used to going 50/50 or taking turns paying. For me, it’s more about mutual care than cost, and I feel both partners should contribute.
However, I’ve since let this go, recognizing it’s culturally ingrained in him to be the “provider.” I try to show my appreciation in other ways in return.
A month ago, he mentioned wanting to “take me on a trip” or “go on a trip together.” I was excited—I’m self-employed with a physical job, so I rarely take time off.
He suggested a road trip in an RV to visit national parks with our dogs. I mentioned from the start that it would be difficult to swing because when I’m not working, I’m not making money, though I have an employee who could cover for me.
Still, I’d lose some revenue, but I was willing to go since I needed a break.
Once I confirmed that my employee could cover me, I told him excitedly. Then, out of nowhere, he mentioned, “I want to make sure you have enough to pay your half.” I was surprised—he’s never let me pay for anything before, so I didn’t expect to cover half of the trip costs.
I’m not entitled—in any other relationship, I’d expect to split the costs, and for this trip, I planned to contribute to gas or food when I could (usually by beating him to the card machine). He knows my financial situation—I’m in the early stages of building a service-based business that relies on me being physically present.
Meanwhile, he’s in a better financial position: he’s a senior engineer, owns a home, two cars, and works remotely. His phrasing of the invite and his actions leading up to the trip indicated to me that the precedent he set would be upheld.
I explained my misunderstanding and assumptions to him, feeling embarrassed since I couldn’t afford to do the trip without his help. He was kind about it and said he likes to “pay for things when he can.” Fair enough.
Now, WIBTJ if I insisted on paying for myself going forward?
I feel weird about the whole situation now.”
Another User Comments:
“Why are you going out with a man 11 years older than you? Would you date a 15 yo? There’s a reason he’s not with someone his own age and that’s usually because women his age won’t put up with his behavior.
He’s manipulating you with finances. Especially if he knows you can’t afford to go halves for an RV, and springs the bill on you. He knew you’d be embarrassed, that’s why he did it.” MissionHoneydew2209
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, and I would think hard about whether he’s setting you up to feel like you’re exploiting him for his finances; building the expectation that he’s going to pay for everything and that you’d be rude and uncaring to fight about it, and then pulling the rug out from under you once you gave up and started going along with him.
This feels like to me like an “every dog gets one bite” situation. Maybe it’s just a miscommunication, but I would be incredibly careful about counting on him for anything: I would not make any plans that would leave me in a bad spot if he unexpectedly couldn’t pay his share.
And if he showed any further signs of being manipulative about finances, I would be gone immediately.” Serpents_disobeyed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How long were you seeing him before he mentioned you moving in with him? Even said playfully, that’s striking me as a red flag.
He essentially was suggesting you drop the business you’re establishing to move an hour away and become completely financially dependent on him. You are still staying financially independent, and I wonder if he’s punishing you for that, even subconsciously, by suddenly expecting you to pay for a portion of the trip.
I think he’s a red flag man, unfortunately.” HowlPen
7. AITJ For Prioritizing My Studies Over Caring For My Autistic Brother?
“I’m 17 and in my final year of high school. I have a little brother who we’ll call James (age 5), who is in the process of getting an autism and adhd diagnosis.
I love James, he’s a really sweet kid. Since he isn’t able to keep many friends with his social difficulties, I’m the only person he really talks to on a daily basis.
We’re really close, but that’s kind of the problem.
The problem arose when I started my final year of high school, and my workload increased. I’m planning on getting into medical school after high school, and I’m in gifted education, so my study schedule is very rigorous.
My brother has no understanding of this, of course, so he’s been very upset for the past few months that I’ve been studying so much.
My brother is always ecstatic when I get home, rambling about what games we should play, and planning hours of stuff for us to do.
And every day I have to remind him, “Sorry buddy, I have study/homework/ assignments. Maybe later?” So instead, he sits in my room with me and plays with toys or his iPad.
The problem is, it’s impossible to study when he’s in my room.
Due to his ADHD, he’s constantly jumping, making noise, rolling around, muttering to himself, etc. He can’t control it, I don’t blame him, but it’s very distracting.
I’m not talking about regular kid babbling. He never stops making noise.
And more recently, since he’s alone for so many hours, he’s started to get upset to the point of tears if I don’t play with him for at least an hour after school each day.
He’s even started hiding my stuff for attention. He hid my phone for a week before I found it in his laundry.
I can’t always play with him, and my parents don’t understand that.
Any time he makes noise runs around, or plays with toys too loud, my parents will yell at me.
They believe that since I’m the oldest sibling, and they have full-time jobs, it’s my responsibility to make sure that he’s eating healthy, not making any mess and not making too much noise (which if you’ve ever met a 5-year-old you know is impossible, especially James).
It’s really hard for me to keep up with my studies like this. I failed a calculus test recently, and my other class grades are slipping too. My parents don’t seem to be worried, but I am.
So I made a plan that I’d stay two hours after school every second day, so I could study in peace in the library.
Then, when I came home I could give my undivided attention to my brother until he fell asleep, then continue my work after his bedtime. My parents already picked up my brother from school, so he could be taken care of by them until I came back at 5:30 pm.
After the week of this, my mum confronted me. She told me that my brother was too distracting and hard to take care of while she had to do emails for work. She was also upset that he wouldn’t eat the food she made because I always prepared his after-school snacks.
I told her that if he was too distracting for her, how was I expected to study with him?
She told me that I was being disrespectful and that I was prioritizing myself over the family’s needs. She also said that since my dad has had a bad injury for the past few months, I was putting unfair pressure on her to take care of the whole family.
That was never my intention. I never wanted to disrespect her or harm the family. I just don’t have enough time in the day to keep my grades up, complete my assignments, and babysit my brother. I already work from 10 am to 11 pm every Saturday and Sunday, and I give all the money to my parents to help out.
I offered to quit my job instead so I could study on the weekends, but they told me that was a bad decision. I tried to arrange for James to have playdates and after-school activities, but his behavior is too “unmanageable” for most parents and instructors (usually just stimming too much, or constantly speaking).
I don’t know what else to do, but something has to give. So far, it’s just been my mental health. I’ve literally been shaking every day for the past three weeks because I’m so worried about all of my assignments. Sometimes I find that even when I do have time to study, I just sit there paralyzed with anxiety because I don’t know how long it will be until I’m interrupted, or my brother draws on my work again, or my parents need me, or my boss calls me in for an unexpected shift I can’t say no to, or….
and by the time I realize I’m doing it it’s 11 pm and there’s no time left. My parents have been supportive of that, but the main issue still remains. (If anyone has advice for anxiety I will sell you my kidneys in trade for it).
I can’t keep babysitting my brother, and I’m not going to stop going to the library.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 17, and it sounds like you’ve already taken on far more responsibility than most people your age. Balancing school, a part-time job and the pressure of essentially being a third parent is a lot for anyone, let alone someone trying to prepare for medical school.
It’s clear that you love your brother and want to help him, but you’re being stretched way too thin. Your plan to stay at the library after school was a thoughtful solution—it allows you to study in peace while still giving your brother your attention when you get home.
Unfortunately, it sounds like your parents are putting an unfair amount of responsibility on you, expecting you to meet their needs without considering how much it’s affecting you.” User
6. AITJ For Swearing At My Mom For Parking In Handicapped Spots?
“I (30M) recently decided to go back to college and earn a degree in computer science.
For some important background, I have very flat feet and wear insoles, and have always had some trouble walking long distances.
About two years ago, I was in a bad car accident and broke my femur. My parents were strict with me regarding following the doctor’s orders and not putting too much weight on my broken leg. For the first six months after the accident, I had a temporary disabled placard.
When I was cleared to resume driving, I’ll admit that being able to park in the handicapped spot made it much easier to get around the college campus, and meant that I didn’t need to fight for a parking spot. Nonetheless, when my placard expired, my doctor said I didn’t meet the qualifications to get another one.
The whole experience made me really understand and appreciate the importance of needing these designated spaces.
Parking at my college is a big hassle and I often arrive extra early and circle the parking lot until I find an empty spot. Sometimes when it’s convenient, my mom drives me to and from the college.
About a week ago, when my mom was dropping me off, she pulled into a handicapped spot. I told her she shouldn’t park there and she told me she was only going to be there for less than a minute while I got out of the car.
She said she didn’t see the big deal. I had other things to worry about so I got out of the car and went to my class. When she picked me up I was waiting at the curb near the loading zone.
A few days later she gave me a ride again and this time dropped me off near the loading zone but not in it.
At the time, the handicapped spots were occupied. About five minutes before my class let out, she texted me and said she had arrived a bit early and was waiting for me. When I got to the parking lot, I saw that she was parked in the handicapped spot!
When I got in the car, the first thing out of my mouth was “What the heck is wrong with you?!!” She got mad at me for swearing and said it wasn’t a big deal, as there were no cars in the other handicapped spaces.
I apologized for swearing but told her she couldn’t park there, and that there were other empty, non-handicapped spots she could wait at as well as the loading zone. We argued and she again said it wasn’t a big deal.
Today I asked her if she could give me a ride again, and she asked if I was going to swear at her again.
I told her I wouldn’t as long as she stayed out of the handicap spot. We argued some more before I decided just to drive myself. It was a hassle, but I managed. I don’t understand why she’s upset at me! Due to my experience with needing to park in the handicapped spot, I know why those spots are reserved, and don’t understand why my mom can’t respect this.
AITJ for getting angry and swearing? I’ll admit that a few bad words flew out of my mouth before I realized it, but even still, I was mad. My mom continues to insist that I’m making a big stink over nothing. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. What your Mom is doing is crappy but if you were my kid, the day you screamed and swore at me would be the last day you got a ride. Arguing or making a case is fine, but you can’t scream at someone and then expect them to keep doing you favors.” PurpleWeasel
5. AITJ For Telling My Friends To Stop Over-Sharing Their Kid's Photos In Our Group Chat?
“I’m in a group chat with a few close buddies (all between the ages of 30-40).
We grew up together and are all semi-new dads. Being new dads, everyone enjoys sharing the occasional pic or video of their kid/s. With that said, there are a couple of friends in the group who I feel take the sharing to the next level.
I’m not talking about sharing a pic or clip once or twice a week. I’m talking about multiple pics and clips in a single day of kids doing typical kid stuff. And their kids are cute and it was fine at first, but it got old and out of hand real quick.
Inevitably, it got to the point where I boiled over and let them know that the constant pics were obnoxious and that they needed to stop forcing feeding their kids down our throats. I also told them that if they felt the need to receive the attention they crave, they should post them on a platform that’s meant for pictures and videos like Instagram or a social media platform (which they do also).
This led to some division within the group. A couple of my buddies agree with me while 3 (which includes the 2 habitual offenders) are calling me a jerk. It’s gotten to the point where it’s driving a wedge between us. I don’t share any pics with my friends to not be a hypocrite.
The 2 are still being toddler terrorists and the rest question every pic and clip they want to send to not stir up any dust. So tell it to me straight, AITJ here?
It should also be noted that I have left the chat on multiple occasions because I do need a break every so often (not solely because of over-sharing but it doesn’t help).
This leads to us ending up in another smaller group chat with each other and then they end up pulling me back into the bigger one and the same conversation pops up every single time. I can’t escape them which is fine because I do love them.
I just don’t want to see their kids every day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a new dad and I’ve seen how new parents can blow up a chat with non-stop videos and pics of their kids doing normal stuff. It’s no different than someone dominating a conversation and only talking about their favorite hobby, even though not everyone is that interested. The new parents need to chill out and realize that although this is their whole lives right now, it’s not everyone’s whole lives.
And they need to provide space for everyone to talk about the things that are important to them.” NArcadia11
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, could you propose having two chats instead? One could have cute, funny pictures, videos, memes, etc., while the other could have actual chats.
One problem is that actual chats are often very time-critical, so you want to be alerted to them, but the funny pictures, videos, etc., could be leisurely browsed at a convenient time every few days. Therefore, you either get “binged” for random pictures or can’t follow a conversation because you have muted alerts.
Separating the two types of content could make the chat more useful for everyone.” ContentContact3254
4. AITJ For Wanting To Ban My Cousin From My Mother's Future Funeral?
“This is a rough one for me to ask, but here goes. I (53f) have a cousin (54f) we’ll call “Melanie” who was like a sister to me growing up. We lived next door to each other in a very rural area. We did everything together and my parents were somewhat parents by proxy to her as her mother worked long hours as a nurse and she was left on her own a lot.
Time goes by, we grow up, go our separate paths, I was around 19 & made an incredibly dumb decision involving her, being extremely naive. My parents were great, but they did tend to shelter me a lot as a kid, thinking “if we can keep her away from all things bad, then nothing will ever hurt her.” So I knew what I did was not good, I just didn’t understand HOW “not good” it was.
Melanie made it a point after that to ignore me at any family gathering or whenever our paths crossed. Would not speak to me, just would not acknowledge that I was in the same room. Fast forward a few years. Our grandmother passed away, and Melanie decided that life was too short and it was time to let bygones be bygones.
We made up and for a long time, everything was just fine again.
One evening, we were chatting on Skype just getting caught up, and she mentioned some issues with one of our cousins. I told her only what I’d been told, nothing bad and then we moved on and finished our conversation.
The next morning, I found myself blocked on Skype and every social media platform that we had been friended on. I reached out to her husband and asked what was going on, no response. We’ve had quite a few deaths in the family since, & at each funeral, she once again makes it a point to look the other way and walk right past me.
I have even said “Hey can we talk?” and she pretends she doesn’t hear me.
So, my mother is almost 75 y/o and not in the best of health. I mean realistically she could live to be 80 or even 90, the women in her family typically do live longer, but still.
I have told my children as well as my brother that I don’t want Melanie at Mom’s funeral when the time comes. That is going to be a deeply emotional time for me. My dad passed years ago and to lose my only remaining parent is already going to be something I truly struggle with.
Having Melanie there, more or less “showing her butt” as my Granny would’ve said, will just add more fuel to the fire. My brother & my youngest son said I’m taking it a bit too far & that Melanie should have the right to pay condolences & grieve just like anyone else.
I argue that she can grieve anywhere else but at the funeral, and she can pay condolences at a time when myself and my children are not there. I know this sounds incredibly petty, but it’s not. Just trying to avoid more pain at what’s going to be an already painful time in my life.
So, WIBTJ for telling her via a 3rd party that she is not welcome at my mother’s funeral at all, when the time comes?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your mom isn’t sick or dying from what I can tell. So near as I can tell, you’re sitting around thinking of ways to stick it to your cousin.
There’s a lot missing in your story, which makes me think there’s something major there you’re trying to keep from us.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“YTJ preemptively planning your mother’s funeral is slightly morbid. Also, it’s rude to exclude your cousin. You may not be close anymore.
Sounds like from the choices you made. But regardless it’s a jerk move to ban her when she hasn’t really done anything wrong. So she ignores you?? Oh well, move on.” WebAcceptable7932
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – What the actual heck. Your mom while not doing well [and for that I am deeply sorry to hear], and you’re already making plans in your head to punish your cousin by banning her from a funeral of people who she considered her parents.
Like unless she is actively trying to ruin you there really is no reason to ban her from a funeral where the person hasn’t even passed yet.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister To Join My Partner And I's Couple Costume?
“For a bit of back story, for the past 2 years, my sister (32F) and I (29F) have entered a costume contest at a local festival. We haven’t done matching or coordinating costumes before, both years we were each something completely different.
This year I have a partner and we wanted to do a couple’s costume. Well, my mom told my sister our idea, and now she wants to be part of our costume. I don’t want to say exactly what our costumes are in case anyone I know sees this, but we’re planning to be a married couple from a TV show and my sister wants to dress up as that couple’s kid.
Neither of us wants her to be part of our costume anyway because we just want it to be our own thing, but I think it would be especially weird if my older sister dressed up as our kid.
I already told my mom that I didn’t want my sister to be part of our costume, and she said why not, it would be cute.” So it seems like my mom has already encouraged my sister with the idea before even asking me.
She’s even already started picking out her outfit. My mom told me that I needed to be the one to tell her if I didn’t want her to do it. I think she should have told her in the first place that she should have asked us first before running with the idea.
I don’t want to hurt my sister’s feelings, but I also don’t want to include her in something that was just supposed to be between my partner and me.
It seems like my mom already thinks I’m the jerk, and I also posted in a social media group and got mixed answers with some people agreeing with me and some people thinking I’m the jerk, so I thought I would see what the online community thought.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it feels like you two are 12-year-olds. Tell her it’s just a couple of costumes this year, and the couple is you and your partner. Maybe another year you three can do something together but not this year. Based on how childish this sounds, the next update will be everyone losing their cool after you break it to her.” GrumpyLump91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I were your mom, I’d be a little concerned that your half-sister is so insistent on third-wheeling it with you and your partner instead of wanting to be independent. You have to start drawing the line somewhere before you end up married with your half-sister living with you.
If your mom is encouraging this, as you suspect, that needs to stop as well.” Upset-Cake6139
Another User Comments:
“How are you nearly 30 and this childish? It’s a Halloween costume. Who cares if she’s part of the theme or not? It sounds like you and your partner are going to be Morticia and Gomez Addams and she wants to be Wednesday.
There’s nothing weird about any of it unless you make it weird. No one thinks she’s your actual child, geez! Get over yourself.” SchipperLeeLuv
2. AITJ For Accidentally Using A Tone With My Partner?
“So my partner (M47) and I (F36) have been together for 16 months. Our relationship for the most part is great and I love him. However, we have recurring rows because he believes I’m insinuating negative things about him.
An example of this began last night when I went to empty our hoover and I noticed a crack at the end of the part that the bin slides on and off of.
I said “Oh no!” which my partner heard and asked about. I showed it to him, and as I walked back to get the bin container to reattach them I said “We need to be careful with it”. He immediately said, “As I am with it”.
Now, we both use the hoover so it’s 50:50 which one of us broke, and it’s not even important. What is important is it’s broken now so we both need to be conscious of it so it doesn’t get worse.
I got a bit upset and told him I wasn’t accusing him of anything – only that we need to be mindful about it, both of us, because we’re a team, right?
He told me it sounded to him like I was having a dig at him. I assured him I was not and he apologized. However, it still didn’t sit right.
I went on to discuss that this happens more than I’d like, he can be so defensive or passive-aggressive without good reason.
I reminded him of an incident that happened 2 days prior; he was working a shift that was difficult for him to get the bus in time for, so I woke up a half hour before he needed to leave to drive him in. We were just ready to go I just had one thing I needed to grab from inside.
He was between me and the front door and he asked me for my keys (he was gonna start the car to get it warmed up). He then reaches for the front door and starts putting the keys in. My stupid morning brain was confused (after just handing over my keys my brain automatically thought he was already locking up) and I said while reaching out to him “No-no-no”.
It was just a knee-jerk response. But my partner turned to look at me and very slowly and enunciated “I’m putting keys in the door for you to lock it”. I had to angle my head around him to look at the door and I saw his keys in there.
I said something along the lines of “Oh they’re your keys” and we both carried on. The thing is that incident also felt off to me. I hate the way he spoke to me almost like I was stupid or nasty. And the uncomfortable eye contact.
So he started to elaborate on that incident and I was a little bit shocked to realize that it was 100% his intent to speak to me that way, and he was angry because I was implying he was “stupid” because of my “tone” when I said ‘no no no’.
This unfortunately escalated the argument and we started going back and forth. He is adamant that I had a bad tone and I should be apologetic about it. I am feeling kinda alarmed at all of this.
But could I have had a tone?? AITJ and should I apologize?
I honestly didn’t mean to imply he was stupid. And while he can make mistakes, so can I, and I’m willing to try and learn if I’m doing something wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds to me like you both need to sit down and figure out what causes these episodes and come up with a solution.
You both may have some past experiences or behaviors that cause these arguments. Everyone gets emotionally triggered by one thing or another. Be aware of your triggers and share them with your partner. Do the same with his. My partner of 20 years suffers from PTSD and anxiety.
He has what is known as pressured speech. What sounds to him like simple statements often come across as accusatory. When this occurs I either ask him if was it said in anger or if was it just pressured speech. Either that or I get triggered, upset, and sulk for a bit.
We then talk it out after we are both calm. By doing this we have only had 4 really bad verbal spats in the time we’ve been together.” PackmuleIT
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Spending time with someone who’s looking for you to mess up is exhausting.
If you don’t know which keys he’s putting in the door saying “no no no” to him like a baby or a bad dog is kinda bad, especially if we’re only backtracking because of a mistake that you made (leaving something inside) that he was gracious about and didn’t rub your nose in.
I had a partner once who would always watch over my shoulder to preemptively correct me for such things so often that she wouldn’t have the attention span to complete her tasks. One time we cooked and I was measuring a cup of flour, and she was watching me SUPER intently and saying stuff like “Remember, 1 cup of flour, not too much” and while she was watching me, the small measuring cup SHE was pouring oil into overflowed. Ultimately I couldn’t be with someone who needed to talk to me this way.” CleanWholesomePhun
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Ex-Friend To My Friendsgiving Party?
“I used to have a good group of 5 female friends and 2 male friends, we used to see each other quite regularly for over the last two years. During the latter half of the second year this one friend, let’s say “O” started to pull away from me and 2 others in the group, in favor of 1 or 2 other group members until I barely saw her at all unless it was a group gathering.
I also noticed she exhibited traits I didn’t value in a friend and she just generally wasn’t a good friend to me so I didn’t mind her pulling away. I knew officially telling her I wasn’t interested in being friends anymore would ruin the group so I held off but my last straw was when she held a group Christmas party but left me and my partner out of it completely.
She knew Christmases for me have always been terrible. I politely told her how I felt and she didn’t really care, citing she didn’t want too big of a group because her cats would freak out (I was the one who babysat those cats while she was on vacation for three weeks so they know me well).
After that I politely told her I wasn’t interested in being friends, her response was lackluster and we left it at that.
Since then we’ve seen each other at group gatherings (because we still all occasionally meet for a movie night) and we barely talk but are civil.
This year I’m hosting Friendsgiving and I’ve invited our group of friends so far except her. My partner is hosting at his home and he doesn’t want her there either. Some of the people in the group think it’s rude to invite everyone but her, but I think that if she’s not my friend why would I invite her into my home?
The rest of the group are still friends(ish) more like acquaintances with her but we (my partner and I) are not. AITJ if I don’t extend her an invite?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Invite who you want. However, it seems that the current friend set likes this person so you’d probably do well to clarify to your friends that so-and-so is not coming because you’re not close anymore.
Leave it at that. Do not badmouth her. Mentioning your specific intention in a low-key way will also ensure one of them does not bring her. Note: if the friends think it’s “rude” you didn’t invite this person, then they might be closer to her than you think.
Just warning you that you may end up having some of this friend circle “defect” if the other girl decides to be petty and talk badly about you.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“I think she and the friends saying, “It’s rude!” I think they ALL need to be reminded that you & bf weren’t invited to Christmas last year.
She claims it was a “Small” party and didn’t want people “scaring her cats” So now you can also say, “I’m keeping it small this year and she made it VERY clear that I AM NOT HER FRIEND”. Have you all been around this last year?
Best wishes.” Effective-Hour8642
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not friends anymore so why would she score an invite to “Friendsgiving,” the next time one of the friends mentions it’s rude to invite everyone but her, kindly remind them that she did it to you and no one batted an eye when she invited everyone but you to her Christmas party, and just like she was able to give excuses you/your partner are perfectly justified in deciding who you want in your home.” [deleted]
