People Feel Insulted In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Calling My Partner's Brother Mentally Unstable After A Heated Discussion?
“My partner and I have been together for a year and a half now. She has a younger brother who I’ve only met a few times but we seemed to really get along all the time. I thought he’s really cool and chill. But she often complained to me about him for being “difficult”, he apparently has BPD.
Anyway, a couple of friends and he came to our apartment to hang out. Everything was fine and we had a smoke on our balcony. We talked about our gym progress and we complimented each other but also teased each other. He said it’s easier for him to bulk up since I’m 6’4 and he’s 5’11 or 6 foot.
I told him that I’m still more buff though and it was all light-hearted until it wasn’t.
Suddenly the conversation became serious out of nowhere. He started to really debate me for no reason. “Okay you might be more buff and taller but that doesn’t make you a good person”.
It became like that. I told him to calm down and he just said “yeah whatever, you’re an idiot.”
He went inside and locked himself in our bathroom. My partner went after him and I heard him bawling through the door. I heard him say “your partner is a jerk, how can you be with such a jerk, you deserve much better, I’d never be with a girl who talked to you like this.”
He wanted to leave and I told him that’s probably better since he seems mentally unstable. My partner scoffed at me and said to give him time since he’s going through it right now.
Him crying like that and playing the victim makes me look bad but I also feel kinda bad since he seriously looked not well and in distress.”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve literally never seen gym bros teasing each other about who is more or less buff end without a full-on tantrum from someone but also your partner told you her brother had BPD. You aren’t the jerk for his outburst, but YTJ for telling him he seemed mentally unstable and should go.
That’s literally never not a jerk move, especially to someone who you know has mental health issues.” sadsleepygay
Another User Comments:
“So a dude shorter than you (obvious insecurity) tried to feel better about themselves by saying well hey at least I can bulk up easier, and instead of just letting them have that, you decided to basically just say “no I’m actually better than you”.
You can be more buff and still have a harder time than him, and that isn’t an insult to you. Personally, if I was him I would’ve laughed in your face if you said that, but I’m not surprised by his reaction either.
Things get heated when the conversation is “hey which one of us would win in a fight har har”. I’ve had best friends actually fistfight over stupid conversations like that. Just take your ego off a little bit, and if you truly believe you’re better off than someone, then recognize that you have nothing to prove and let them have the little wins, just be mature.” Ancient-Tomato1153
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for saying he’s not as buff as you, get real. It’s for knowing he has BPD and the first time it expresses itself, you call him mentally unstable. If you saw a person in a wheelchair going to use a ramp, would you approach them and say “probably for the best, you seem crippled”?
Why is it so hard for you, a supposedly mentally stable person, to recognize he’s emotionally distressed from something you clearly didn’t say or do to him? Why are you, again, supposedly stable, finding it so hard to recognize a miscommunication and for you to be the bigger, older, allegedly more emotionally stable person, to say “I’m sorry you feel like I was being a jerk, but I don’t think we were understanding each other, you can leave if you want, but I don’t want you to think I don’t like you or was purposefully being mean to you, can we talk this out?”?
He’s trying to remove himself from the situation, which is what he needs to cope with his current emotions, and you insult him on the way out and come here like: aM i ThE jerk fOr SaYiNg I’m BuFf? Take some accountability for goodness sake.
If you’re so mentally stable and all.” yesnomaybenotso
21. AITJ For Not Buying A Homeless Man A Beer When I Bought Him Food?
“When I went to a restaurant to pick up dinner for my family there were a few homeless people sitting in the shop front a couple of doors away.
One lady approached me and asked if I had any spare change or if I could buy her a meal.
I agreed to buy the 3 people there a meal. One of them did ask for a beer but I pointed at my scarf and laughingly said “No, I’m sorry but I’ll happily get you something else!”
The guy also laughed so I figured we were cool.
I went inside, got my order and the other takeaway order, and went back out. I handed over their food and started walking away.
All of a sudden this guy starts yelling and calling me a jerk and a mean person for not buying him a beer.
He said I thought I was better than him which is so definitely not the case.
I was never going to voluntarily buy him a beer but was it really that much of a jerk move to make?”
Another User Comments:
“You are most definitely not the jerk but that guy who cursed you out is.
You did a very kind thing that most people wouldn’t and don’t. You bought 3 people a meal out of the kindness of your heart when I’m sure most people pretend to not even see them. You deserved gratitude in return and not to be insulted. For clarification, when you said scarf did you mean a religious headscarf?
That is what I understood. In any case rest assured that even if you did not have a religious prohibition re: booze you would still not be the jerk. You did someone a favor and you are under no obligation to fulfill all of their wishes.
What’s next, he’ll curse you out for not offering your home to him?” Visible-Fly-9840
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I almost had an all-out fistfight with a homeless man at an intersection once. My then 7-year-old daughter wanted to make a bunch of care bags for the homeless.
Water, hot hands, crackers and trail mix, chapstick, tissues. Stuff like that. She gave one out to a man one afternoon and he went off. I would have just pulled away but then he threw the bag back into the window at my kid. I don’t think I’ve ever pulled over and got out of the car so fast in my life.
Then I remembered I had my 7yo in the car. So I got back in and we had a chat at the park about how some people just need more help than we are able to give. Anyway, I shared that because it’s a common occurrence and you shouldn’t feel bad.” banjosullivan
Another User Comments:
“You’re nicer than I am. I would have snatched that meal from him and walked away. You don’t get to verbally abuse the person who was kind enough to buy food. You’re not the jerk here. I grew up with a heavy drinker parent so I have very little tolerance for addicts and their behavior.” Peachgirl_21
20. AITJ For Taking Back My Car To Teach My Partner A Lesson?
“A year ago, my partner and I met at work, but we’ve only been together for 3 months. We became close after she experienced a traumatic event and I wanted to support her due to my own experience with abuse.
We fell in love quickly despite our pasts. Although we both have trust issues, we’re learning to communicate and work through our disagreements. However, she often threatens to end the relationship when she gets upset, causing stress for me.
Halloween night, we were having fun at my house.
I was trying to clean up before bed, but I was in a lot of pain due to a back injury. I commented, “I feel like a maid.” She instantly got upset. I calmed her down and apologized, telling her I’m in pain so everything feels harder than normal.
She asked for a ride to get clothes for work the next day, but I’d been drinking and didn’t feel safe driving. She said she felt fine, asking to drive my car instead. I agreed, telling her to text me when she was on her way back.
She took all her things with her, which seemed odd since she was coming back.
After falling asleep briefly, I woke up to find her gone and a text saying she wouldn’t be returning my car, but would pick me up for work in the morning.
I tried calling her but it went straight to voicemail and she wasn’t answering my texts. With a spare car and house key, I decided to take an Uber to her apartment so we could talk. I quickly learned she suspended my access code to get into the apartment complex.
I was locked out and unable to contact her. Feeling furious, I ended up driving my car back home, unable to resolve the situation.
She called me in the morning, upset because I was mad at her for taking my car. I explained she can’t keep it without permission.
I said, “you knew you weren’t coming back when you took all her things last night.” Her response was “so!” I stated she should’ve taken an Uber instead. She angrily agreed to return my car and hung up on me. I decided to let her panic by not revealing that I already had the car.
She called 38 times and texted repeatedly, asking if I had the car, but I ignored her. After 45 minutes, I called her revealing I had taken it last night to teach her a lesson. She was furious! Saying “never contact me again, please get help!”
At this point, she still had my car keys with my house/mail/parents’ keys attached to them.
Asking her to bring them back, she ignored me by putting her phone on Do Not Disturb. I warned her I’d call the police if she didn’t return them. After waiting and getting no response, I called the police to help. They couldn’t come for hours due to being busy.
Worried that she may have thrown my keys away, I changed the lock on my front door. Later that day, she returned my keys, including the spare key I gave her, leaving them on my doorstep. I only saw her back as she was leaving, but she seemed sad.
Am I the jerk for trying to teach her a lesson? Would you have been upset if you were me? Should I reach out to her or let her come to me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She had no right to take your car and keep it without your permission and then hold your stuff hostage when you asked for it back.
There is WAY TOO MUCH drama in your relationship at the 3-month mark. This exchange kind of sounds like you have broken up, which is probably for the best.” KateCapella
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You two fell in love BECAUSE of unresolved trauma. You accepted unacceptable behaviors.
Continuous threats to leave is abuse. Getting immediately offended and expecting you to apologize is abuse. Stealing a car is abuse. You also were abusive. Taking the car and not telling her was wrong. You both need therapy before you get into your next relationship.” LadyLightTravel
Another User Comments:
“What the heck did I just read? ESH. She doesn’t get to keep your car and her attitude and behavior were self-centered and toxic. YOU taking the car to “teach her a lesson” was equally toxic. Ignoring each other, blocking each other, grand power moves – this all sounds terrible.
And after calling the cops on her, you think you should still be a couple? You say you’ve both experienced trauma and I think from what you’ve outlined, neither of you are behaving in a healthy way; therapy and different partners would be the best path at this juncture.” No_Ad_770
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Involved With My Inconsistent Father's New Family?
“My dad is so inconsistent about being in my life. He and my mom divorced when I was 1 but he bailed days after I was born, came back when I was 8 months old and my mom let him stay a month before realizing he wasn’t serious about being a family with us and just used her for a place to stay.
Once he realized she wasn’t going to give in he bailed again. He was in my life for a year when I was 3-4 years old. Then he was gone again. The next time I was 8. He was in my life for a few months under supervision but he left again and he made 2 appearances when I was 10.
He didn’t really pay child support either, which I learned this summer. Some money was given for me but probably less than $400 in the last 16 years if what he said is right.
When I was 13 he moved here for good, or so he says. He was married again and he had some kids with his wife.
He went back to restart visitation with me, got some supervised visits again that became one overnight a month. Until finally I have to spend every other weekend at his house even though I don’t want to. And I did speak to a judge about my wishes but he told me it was in my best interest to have a relationship with “my family.”
I really don’t like being there and I try to only sleep in the bed I have at his house. I never take anything I care about and I don’t have the room personalized or anything.
The thing about all this is my dad and his wife encourage their kids to spend time with me and engage with me.
They like having me there and they told me before they wish I’d spend more time there and with them. The kids did nothing wrong but I don’t want to focus on a relationship with them. I feel nothing for them. But it’s expected that I’d be there for the big moments in their lives.
Not just by their parents but my dad’s parents, who I don’t know outside of some of the time I spent with him, also feel like I need to be a good brother and they expect me to take the role seriously. Which I find crazy since I don’t know any of these people all that much and I don’t want to.
If it’s not my dad’s weekends, I do miss the big stuff and I don’t try to be there for them.
I got invited to go trick-or-treating with them on Halloween. I said no. I got a reply back that they really wanted me to come.
I didn’t, and I got sent so many texts from my dad’s phone and phones that I assume are his wife’s and his parents claiming I’m not good for missing another big moment for my half-siblings. I blocked the others but Dad’s number is still doing this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your dad is trying to force a connection with you in spite of basically abandoning you for years. He wants the illusion of a happy family without the work of trying to actually take any accountability for his actions or doing the necessary work to try and repair the relationship he destroyed. Even if he was willing though…some things, once destroyed, can’t be rebuilt.
My only question is how is he getting court-mandated visitation if he is still not paying child support? That seems a little weird unless your mother is on board forcing the issue.” bestbobever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d be honest with your dad – he wasn’t around and you don’t view him as a parent as a result.
You are only there because a judge is forcing you. It’s very unkind of him to be absent for these moments while you were growing up but force you to be part of these moments for his new family. The harassment is unwarranted and unappreciated – you have the right to your feelings, experiences, and most importantly your own life away from his new family.
This is not on you to fix. Your dad needs to do that, if it’s possible at this point. Block your grandparents permanently.” whichwitch9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – up until you were 13 years old, he spent less than 2 years of time in your life.
How does he and his family expect you to have a father/son relationship with him when he was not there for the biggest bonding years of your life? He literally abandoned you multiple times. He has earned the relationship he has with you through his awful behavior in the first 13 years of your life.
He needs to understand that, as well as the fact that you do not wish to have a relationship with the family that has the father that he should have been when you were their age. Ask them where your family (him, his parents) were for the “important” trick-or-treating years for you.
If he cares so much about it now, he should have cared about it then.” Top_Sheepherder_6041
18. AITJ For Being Upset After Not Receiving A Promised Phone For My Birthday?
“I (17f) will turn 18 in 2 days.
For some context, my phone hasn’t been working properly for a few months, and when I told my mom she told me that I could have a new one for my birthday if I just waited. Two weeks ago, it completely stopped working and hasn’t turned on since.
I told my mom and again she told me that I would get one for my birthday. I’ve had that phone for 6 years and took great care of it, and I wasn’t asking for a super expensive phone, just a nice one, that works well and lasts more than 2 years.
I normally don’t ask for anything for my birthday, but this time I really needed it.
Yesterday, my parents went to go pick up my present and when they got home they told me that I could get one hint about what it was. I asked “what brand is it?” thinking that I was getting a phone, but my mom told me “there’s no brand”, so I was a bit confused. I asked “it’s not a phone?” And she told me no. I later found out through my brother (16m) that they had bought me 2 books for school and 3 books that I had been wanting.
It’s a very nice present of course, and I’m not complaining, it’s just that I thought I was getting a phone and I really needed one.
So I went back to my parents and asked why I didn’t get a phone. My mom told me that she “thought this present was better”, to which I told her that I really needed a phone because I haven’t had one for weeks and it’s making it very hard to communicate with people, or do other things.
She started to get upset with me and told me that I shouldn’t expect something and that they didn’t owe me a phone. I just said “but you told me I was getting one” and she snapped at me and told me that I was entitled and spoiled, and then said, “what did I do to deserve such an ungrateful daughter.”
I know that I could’ve reacted better and showed gratitude for my present, and I wish I had, but I was just very confused and didn’t understand. I also feel like this is a bit unfair in a way. This summer she just bought my brother a very nice phone because he broke his last one after having it for less than 2 years.
And there wasn’t any occasion, it wasn’t a present, she just bought it. But when I ask for a phone I’m entitled and spoiled. AITJ for this? Should I just shut up and be grateful or am I right to feel like it’s a bit unfair?”
Another User Comments:
“So you’ve been doing what you could with a busted phone for months with the promise of a new one for your birthday. Two weeks prior, the busted phone dies and again you get the promise of a new phone for your birthday.
Now it’s your birthday, you get books instead of a phone and are rightfully upset. You share your feelings with your mom and she calls you ungrateful?! Yet brother gets one right away, no need to wait for a birthday or anything. I’m feeling like this is a bit of a golden child situation.
NTJ and I am so sorry that you were called ungrateful on your birthday by your mom of all people.” myirsia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother made a promise and broke it, that’s a pretty rotten thing to do to someone for their 18th birthday.
I’d say you’re perfectly entitled to be upset at your brother getting a new phone after he broke his and then your parents going back on their word to buy you one for your 18th birthday. Especially when your mother decided to be insulting about it as well.
I’m sorry you’ve been let down like that, and hope you have an otherwise happy birthday.” Phil_Oop_North
Another User Comments:
“It really sounds like they favor your brother, could it be because he’s a boy? How do they treat the two of you apart from this, allowance, chores, expectations, plans for college, etc?
Books for school is not a birthday present, that’s just mean. 3 books you wanted can’t have cost more than $100. If your family is fairly affluent and your mother could have afforded to get you a phone and didn’t because this was a ‘better’ gift, then it’s pretty obviously not an equivalent.
I would not let this go and I would highlight the disparity with your brother clearly. You are not far off from being an adult and your parents will get the relationship with you after that that you choose based on how they treat you now/up to this point.
It is not spoiled or entitled to expect to be treated equally to a sibling. NTJ.” procrastinatorgirl
17. AITJ For Refusing To Wear A Dress To My Sister's Wedding?
“I (29f) bought a very nice suit (cute lilac blazer and pants) for my sister’s wedding next month, and when I showed it to her, she said I can’t wear pants to her wedding, and told me to buy a dress.
I have nothing against dresses but I do have something against controlling people, and I told her that I’m either wearing my suit or I’m simply not going. She said I’m a jerk because she’s only asking me to wear a skirt on the one day when she wants us to “look nice in the family pictures”, and that it would take me very little effort to comply.
I noped out of the conversation at the word comply and told her that unless she changes her mind, she shouldn’t expect me there. It’s not like I want to wear something unsuitable for a wedding, and I’m not a bridesmaid (we don’t really do bridesmaids around here).
AITJ for refusing to wear a dress?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – sort of. Your sister only mildly sucks here. It’s not unusual for people to coordinate outfits or have a theme for family photos and add to this it’s a family photo at her wedding.
I get that you don’t like to be told what to do, and it’s your body, yes – I see all of the comments complaining about dress codes. We all want to be fiercely independent and do whatever we want. Our clothes are our expression of who we are and all that.
Is it really that important? I see people saying it shouldn’t be important to her what you wear, okay, yes, but is this really important enough to you to dig your figurative heels in so much that you would refuse to go to the wedding over it?
When picking your battles with your family, is this skirt really the hill you want to die on?
Could you maybe offer a compromise and wear a skirt during the posed photo time? Wear a long skirt that covers the pants, then stuff it back in your purse when the photos are done.
You literally said in your post that you don’t object to wearing dresses (assuming this includes skirts), so what you’re saying here is: “Wearing pants because I was asked not to is more important to me than being part of (what should be) one of the most important events in my sister’s life.” If this is a normal pattern for you – objecting to things just because they asked and not because it’s usually an issue, then you have jerk potential or maybe you need therapy to talk to a professional and work out why you feel so sensitive and insecure about your independence.” reluctantgamergirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t think some people understand how deeply uncomfortable wearing a dress or skirt can be. It’s somehow assumed that this is just a fashion choice, but for many people, it carries a lifetime of baggage about being forced into uncomfortable clothing and uniforms and made to go places you never wanted to be at in the first place.
One of the very large privileges of adulthood is not being forced into clothing that makes you uncomfortable. If there are jobs or events where a certain attire is required, we’re free to find different work or skip the event. Going to the wedding and wearing a dress would make the wedding completely unenjoyable for OP, and it’s unreasonable and yes, controlling, of her sister to ask that of her.” HomelyHobbit
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with YTJ. You don’t have an issue with wearing a dress and are only doing it to spite your sister because she asked you to. That isn’t a good enough reason to not comply with her wishes, which isn’t completely out of the ordinary.
And why are people so easily willing to not go to their siblings’ weddings? It’s like the biggest day of her life and you wanna act up.” Respond-Dapper
16. AITJ For Making My Sister Sleep On The Hotel Room Floor?
“My sister (20f) and I (19m) go to different colleges in Boston and we had to stay overnight at a hotel room near the Atlanta airport since it was a two-flight journey from Boston to Atlanta and then Atlanta to San Francisco (where we live) and our San Fran flight was in the next morning.
We could only afford one hotel room because we didn’t plan on staying at a hotel so our parents couldn’t pay for a two-bedroom room as they didn’t know we were going to stay in a hotel, so we had to sleep in the same bed. The bed was small and it couldn’t fit my skinny 6’2 self but it could fit my 5’4 sister.
I ended up sleeping diagonally on the bed and my sister tried to sleep in it but I kind of wrestled her off.
She’s a lot weaker so she couldn’t force herself back in bed and ended up being upset that she had to sleep on the floor.
Anyway, we woke up the next morning with me in bed and my sis sleeping on the floor but she was still upset that she had to sleep on the floor. I know it’s been two weeks and all has been forgiven but I just discovered this subreddit so I wanted to know if I was in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My not-skinny 6’2 husband and my far from skinny 5’3 self can share a hotel double bed. I’m assuming it was at least a double so there is no excuse. In fact, many hotel rooms with one bed have a queen.
AND the two of us end up having a 5-year-old crawl between us in our queen-sized bed at home. It wasn’t that the bed was too small, you are just selfish and immature.” MomisTired12160926
Another User Comments:
“This is a genuine question… why would the OP think that this was in ANY way an acceptable way to behave as an adult, and even a question at all about who was in the right?
I see no reason why he would be entitled to the bed and no good excuse for doing this to his sister and thinking it is okay, so I’m just wondering the reason why he “might NOT be the jerk here”? I think almost everyone agrees he is, but I think the more curious thing is what sort of logic or rationalizing makes a person believe they even could be justified in doing this just because they are bigger and have more brute force?” Princess-of-Power-42
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How nice that you physically forced your smaller, less strong sister to do what you wanted. You’re quite the princess and the pea. Do you often lord your size and strength over her? Would you think this is acceptable with any other woman?
You need to apologize and do something nice for her. The correct thing would be to ask for a rollaway or switch out overnight. Or just deal with a little discomfort so you can both get some sleep instead of being a jerk and pushing her out.
One thing you will learn from dorm life is that two people can absolutely fit in a twin-sized bed if they need to, and not in an exclusively romantic way.” adlittle
15. AITJ For Telling My Daughter Her Absentee Father Is Dead?
“My daughter (4) has only seen her father twice since she’s been in this world.
Once when she was 6 months & once when she was 2. Ever since she could understand that her dad wasn’t around, she’s asked where he’s at & I always just say “he’s out of town working so that’s why he isn’t able to come see you.” The truth is, he never wanted me to have her.
He was adamant about me not continuing the pregnancy and I refused.
I just had my second daughter almost a year ago (she’s 10 months) and her father is very active in her life. My oldest saw this and got sad and asked why she never saw her daddy like her sister sees hers?
I was torn to pieces and struggled to find yet another excuse for why he was absent so I told her he had died in an accident. She vaguely understands the concept that when someone dies they go far away and don’t come back. AITJ?
I think I’m the jerk because I told a very serious lie to my four-year-old instead of trying to tell her the truth about her dad.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…Jesus, there was no need to lie about something like that. It’s almost an unspoken rule to not lie, or even joke, about something like that.
In case you haven’t noticed, we live in different times now. There are plenty of children from single-parent, or separated homes. You no longer need to tell your children that a parent has died, or just can’t “find their way home”. If he is an absent father, just tell her in a way that she can understand and won’t make her feel like she is unwanted. Something along the lines of: “Sometimes mommies and daddies don’t get along well and they decide that it will be best for the children if they live apart.
Your daddy decided that you would be happier if you were living with me.” Or: “We both decided that your life would be much easier if you were living with me. Some kids live with their mom and dad, or just their mom, or their grandma.
Families are all different.” I literally just copied and pasted that from online. Also, I wouldn’t create more stress for yourself trying to beg that man to be a father. He knows he has a daughter, he knows he is missing out on a lifetime of experiences.
He knows where to find your daughter and how to contact you both. You’ve given him enough opportunity, you’re not obligated to do anything else. You’d be better off focusing on your children and your life.” Comfortable_Teaching
Another User Comments:
“Oof. The lie to spare her now might end up hurting her more down the line… I think a better idea would have been to go talk to a therapist about what to do before just Willy Billy killing off his character, now you have to live in fear that he tries a Chapter 32 redemption arc and she is like why did I think my father was dead?
The real scenario is those DNA tests everywhere DEFINITELY end up exposing this down the line. Gentle YTJ and you need to go find that therapist and ask them what to do before you say anything else about it to her because you have to fix this and you have to do it right.” BuzzyMcNutt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Correct it now. You don’t correct it by blurting out ‘because your dad is a dummy who wants nothing to do with you.’ Firstly, how to backtrack that he’s dead, I might say something like “remember when mummy said that daddy wasn’t alive anymore – well I was wrong!
Just like (little sister) you live with your mum and sister, and your dad lives in another house. If she keeps asking, I might say something like “Some daddies live in their house with mum and kids, some live on their own, and visit their kids sometimes, some live on their own and don’t visit, it all depends on the daddy”.
There are even some books you can get to read to them about different families. About how some families have 2 mums, 2 dads, mum and dad, just mum, just dad, or mum and grandma, whatever…. Keep it neutral, no judgemental or sarcastic tones when talking about it.
No comments about how bad he is, or how much you hate what he did, or whatever. Keep your own adult stuff out of it, for your kid’s sake. If she asks to contact him and see him, perhaps help her write a letter and post it to him.
He may choose to ignore it, that’s his prerogative. She will find out what he’s like quickly if he keeps ignoring her, but it will be on his head. Always be the loving place for her to fall when it (almost inevitably) happens. Been through this with my own kids.” Suspicious-Willow-86
14. AITJ For Telling My Friend I'm Not Surprised His Partner Two-Timed Him?
“I have (or had) two friends from college “Frank” (M25) and “Amy” (F26).
When we all met Amy had a partner, and later down the line they got engaged. But last Halloween we went to a party where Amy and Frank hooked up and started a relationship behind Amy’s fiancé’s back. I talk to her and convince her to tell her fiancé, she does and he forgives her, but she doesn’t stop, a month later she calls off the wedding and starts seeing Frank exclusively.
Things are going great for them, until Amy’s ex needs a ride from the airport, despite the circumstances they remained friends after the breakup so she goes, and they end up in a compromising situation. She tells Frank and he texts me furious telling me he can’t believe her, how could she do this, etc, etc. And he goes: CAN YOU BELIEVE SHE WOULD DO THIS?
And I said yes, I can. Cause I do, she was unfaithful to her fiancé and called off a wedding, of course I can believe she would be unfaithful to her new partner.
They make up and are calling me the jerk for saying that “behind her back” and not giving her a chance to defend herself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Both dudes are idiots if they are still chasing after her, but want it to be exclusive. She was unfaithful twice, three times wouldn’t make a difference for her. Sounds like it’s just gonna be an endless cycle. You should reconsider your friends.
They even both turned on you after they made up. He asked you a question and you gave an honest answer. That’s not talking behind someone’s back.” UnicornXyla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He asked, you answered. You’re the bad guy because your answer pointed out the truth and they want to live in denial. That is one woman that when ends up pregnant whom I would demand a paternity test from if I were a man.
I dislike those who are unfaithful and I can’t be friends with someone for whom I have no respect. Consider how much you actually trust them to be involved in your life. They are both unfaithful. Those who are unfaithful not only do that. They are liars and manipulators so they can do what they do.” embracedthegrey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Amy and Frank are laughable, saying you did this behind her back. I nearly spat my affogato all over the screen lol. Let’s see who went behind who’s back. Amy was unfaithful to ex with Frank. Amy was unfaithful to Frank with the ex.
Frank also was unfaithful with Amy, while she was engaged. The king and queen of going behind people’s backs are …. FRANK AND AMY! Op you need better friends. They suck.” KarenMaca
13. AITJ For Wanting To Charge My Roommate For Internet Usage?
“I’ve had this roommate for about 2 years now, her rent was 500 a month and the internet was considered a bonus. The house we live in is owned by my mother. She pays the rent to my mom. But recently, I have fully taken over the house.
I pay significantly more in rent as I use more of the space. We recently changed internet providers and I set it up as it made more sense for me to pay. I have been paying for it for about 3 months now.
We have opposite schedules so I do not regularly see my roommate.
I reached out to her via text about a week ago asking for a portion of the internet as I’ve been paying it for the whole house. She asked for my email and there was no further discussion. This was last week.
I followed up about 2 days later and she replied she hit her etransfer limit and will send it when it’s reset.
I waited another 2 days before telling her I had not received anything. This time, however, she ignored my message.
Yesterday I decided to message her again explaining the situation, asking if she could afford the extra portion, and that we could work something between her, my mom, and me if she could not afford it.
I asked what she would like to do. She still has not replied.
I’ve had other issues with her in the past, such as eating my stuff out of the fridge or not cleaning up after herself. While not relevant, it has me close to the breaking point.
So, would I be the jerk, if I changed the password and kicked her off the internet? Obviously, I’m paying the same amount either way, but I’m just getting frustrated at this point. I’d be open to negotiating afterward as well.”
Another User Comments:
“Full stop.
Before you do anything, anything at all about this, you need to set up a REAL rental contract with a signed lease agreement. You can download one or get one at an office supply store. The lease agreement formalizes the arrangement of who pays for what and how much.
This protects both parties and sets out the agreements, costs, and covenants plainly. I’m just guessing here but imagine that the tenant thinks that, though the ISP has changed, the internet cost is still included in the rent. And that’s why you need a formal lease agreement.
Good luck.” WildBlue2525Potato
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is being the biggest jerk here, if the deal was that the internet was included, then she should have fixed the internet long ago. Your roommate shouldn’t have to pay more for internet if the internet is supposedly included in the agreement.
You are in a tough situation where you decided to get your own internet and expect your roommate to pay the other half, but if you look at it from your roommate’s perspective, YOU ARE THE LANDLORD’S DAUGHTER, so it’s like she is paying the landlord more for something that should already be included.
You have 2 options, you cover for your mom and let the girl use the internet for free and then ask your mom to pay you for the other half (because I’m guessing your mom hasn’t been paying for any internet since you got this new service) and this way things can be more peaceful between you and your roommate and mom OR you change the password but then be prepared for your roommate possibly being upset at you, and then upset at your mom, then expect your mom to possibly be mad at you for not helping out with the issue.
I’m guessing your mom probably gives you a “family” rent price, so it would be a jerk move to not help your mom deal with this issue regarding the internet. Your mom is the real jerk here, and before doing anything just talk to your mom, either she fixes the internet services or pays the other half of the internet.” Leoxwhite
Another User Comments:
“This is why it’s bad to have vague or informal rental/sublet agreements, even worse to inherit them. It should have specified whether the Internet was included. Not hard to imagine that there wasn’t a shared/agreed understanding of what was meant by the Internet being a “bonus”, in your words.
That could reasonably read as something that was properly included as part of the rent (something that would remain so). Couched another way it could read as something that could “go away”. Given those legitimate ambiguities, at this early stage, it’s not unreasonable to formalize the arrangement and wait at least one pay cycle to sort it out, but you would be the jerk if you cut it off at this preliminary stage.” SessionIndependent17
12. AITJ For Refusing To Eat The Food My FIL Made Due To My Eating Disorder?
“I (26F) have been married to my husband Nikolas (29M) for over a year.
He was raised in the UK, his father is Greek and his mother is English. When his parents got divorced, his father moved back to Greece, and because Niko has always had a strained relationship with his father, they don’t talk or see each other very much – but they tend to get together to have dinner whenever he’s back in the UK.
This time he was back for a month and he rented out an apartment and so he invited the both of us around – he didn’t specify that we were going to eat anything, just said we could have a few drinks and chat. I’ve only met him once or twice before now, and I didn’t see any reason not to do so and figured that it would be some good backup for Niko if he wanted to leave early or anything.
So we went around yesterday at around 9 pm.
When we got there, FIL had made a traditional Greek dish called spanakopita (sort of like a pie but it’s made with filo pastry, it has spinach and feta). For context, I have a history of anorexia, and eating in front of people that I don’t really know is still an issue for me, and anything with pastry is something that I tend to avoid even now.
He was pleasant enough, welcomed us all in, and offered us the food, and I said no thank you because I was anxious about the situation.
Niko caught on that I was uncomfortable and so told his dad that we’d already eaten, but his dad kept insisting that we should try it.
At us saying no again, he got very up in arms about how he’d gone to the effort of making the food, and that it shouldn’t be such an issue for us to just have some of it, and that he felt as though we were disrespecting him by refusing to eat the food.
So husband and I apologised, and offered to stay for drinks, but ultimately left as he remained angry about the situation. I know I could have explained why I didn’t want to eat it, but I felt uncomfortable trauma dumping on him about the real reason why, or I could have tried a little bit and then just left it and he probably would have been fine.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP – you’re NTJ, but in some instances, a little personal discomfort can smooth the waters long-term. I have a condition where unless I know exactly what is in food (and how it was prepared) I run the risk of reacting poorly to it.
Innocuous things like “too much of any form of fat – vegetable oils, nut oils, fatty meats” will cause me to react to it. A cornerstone of hospitality in many places across the world is food. Food is used as a point of connection – and it is really difficult for those of us who, for whatever reason, trying to feed us is basically an act of aggression.
It can be uncomfortable to disclose, but if you give people a chance to be understanding – a lot of the times, they want to understand. I don’t want to talk about my medical situation. But when I offer a little insight, people are typically very warm and accepting.
You’re NTJ for not eating, but it might be fair to consider a somewhat sanitized explanation you can offer (both Niko’s father, and to others in the future) that gives people a general idea of your reasoning, which means you can avoid someone identifying you as rude or unwelcoming (which again – isn’t fair, for those of us with difficult relationships with food, it’s really difficult because meals are such a foundation for bonding, social outings, hospitality, etc – being thought of as rude for not partaking in a meal stinks for us, but that’s the environment we’re operating in so we should understand the common assumptions we’re going to have to contend with).” Dramatic_Attempt4318
Another User Comments:
“A Greek father. I can imagine how much he wanted you to eat because some old-school parents believe food=love. NTJ. But I wonder if it would be helpful to come up with a response in these situations that makes it clear it’s not the host but doesn’t invite further questions.
“I wish I could eat the food, but I have a medical issue that doesn’t allow me to. It’s something I don’t care to discuss.” I’m just throwing something out there; I’m not saying you should say these exact words.
Also – I hate spanakopita. So you’re not alone my friend.” Aware_Welcome_8866
There's something to be said for the type of old-fashioned good manners by which you will eat or drink something that you don't much like, because someone has put effort into providing it, though this doesn't apply to things that will actually make you unwell, though.
11. AITJ For Being Upset At My Partner's Game Prompt About My Deceased Birth Mother?
“I (F) was playing games with my partner and his friends. We played a game where the goal was to make a controversial prompt that the players of the game would be split on. The more split it is, the more points.
Some more background about me, this is important.
I was adopted by other relatives and have lived with them since I was 1. My bio mother is dead and has been for my entire life. I don’t remember anything about her.
I don’t fully remember what the prompt was, it was something about getting money by having to delete the only picture of something you have from your phone.
My partner filled in the blank and wrote that the only picture you’d have to delete would be of your birth mom.
I immediately said I felt targeted, and he told me I was. I was not happy and I asked him why he did that in our DMs. He told me he did it because he wanted to win and wanted the split.
He said sorry, but, he was insistent that he thought it wouldn’t be a big deal and I wouldn’t be so hurt. He told me he felt awful afterward and like I had gotten way too upset. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think there’s a boundary between being irreverent vs mentioning something someone has to specifically deal with.
Like, even in Cards Against Humanity, you wouldn’t make medical procedure jokes in front of someone who has had one. Like, that’s just not cool. Your partner is upset because you made him feel bad; not because he did something that upset you. Just because he doesn’t think it is a big deal doesn’t mean that it isn’t to you, and he needs to get his head out of his rear in that regard.
Sure, it’s a game, even a raunchy one where you’re supposed to say something controversial, but he didn’t have to use your dead mom to win a round. He could’ve easily picked anything else but chose not to.” GreekDudeYiannis
Another User Comments:
“The thing with games like Cards Against Humanity and Jackbox party games (I’m assuming you were playing a game like Split the Room on Jackbox) is that they are really only as fun as the people you play with and that is a parameter that everyone sets in their own head.
I wouldn’t necessarily say that anyone is the jerk here. You are allowed to be offended by something, but also a game like this often encourages offensive responses. It’s just a little different because this was done by your partner – arguably the person you trust most in life.
He expressed that he didn’t realize you would be offended and apologized. I can’t tell you how to feel, but it sounds like he recognized things went too far and feels bad about it. Personally, I’d cut him some slack.” rotmonster
10. AITJ For Over-Decorating For Halloween And Upsetting My New Neighbor?
“I (22m) LOVE Halloween. It’s my absolute favorite holiday. When I was younger my parents did Halloween big with loads of decorations, parties, and planned events.
Last year we moved into a new village and I had a great Halloween, I took my brother’s kids out trick-or-treating and handed out sweets to the kids at the door.
I decorated big and had no problems.
This year new neighbors moved in next door and have a son who is lovely (I guess about 7 or 8 years old).
I decorated big again and when my neighbors came to the door we started chatting, the wife commented on my display in the front garden.
Complete with teddies shoved in a black bag and a shovel with fake gravestones and bones. (Everyone else loved it.)
I apologized if it was a bit much for the kids but she said that wasn’t her issue, she said: “you’re making the rest of the village look like we don’t care, some of us work and have kids to look after so we don’t have time”.
I kind of ignored her, gave her kid some sweets, and bid them a happy Halloween. This morning I saw a post on the community social media page of her going on a rant about rude young people and the same statements she gave me last night.
No one really commented on it besides her husband.
I showed my mum and she agreed that it was a bit crazy that she posted that but that I do tend to go overboard and I joked about how that’s how she raised me and we laughed. She said next year maybe tone it down though.
AITJ for this? It’s not like my house is out of place, literally like 10% more decorations than the rest of the village. But I’m worried about causing problems for my mum with the neighbors when they were friends beforehand.”
Another User Comments:
“Let’s look at the key points here.
Point 1: *”Last year we moved into a new village and I had a great Halloween, I took my brother’s kids out trick or treating and handed out sweets to the kids at the door. I decorated big and had no problems.” Point 2: “This year new neighbors moved in next door…” Point 3: “I decorated big again and when my neighbors came to the door we started chatting, the wife commented on my display.” So the takeaway I’m getting here is that you did something one year that no one had any problems with, and this year someone else moves into the area and takes umbrage against this thing that no one else had a problem with.
You are NTJ here. Put simply, you’re doing nothing illegal, before her no one else had any problems with this, you have the right to decorate how you want. This person is just being a joy-killing, soul-sucking miserable individual that really needs to perform an auto-rectal craniotomy (pull her head out of her backside) if she actually wants to have friends.” Random-widget
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my neighborhood growing up, we had one house that had two big skeletons in their front yard. Every day in the month of October, the skeletons would be doing something different: runway show, hair salon, dentist, etc. Most of the neighborhood didn’t have many decorations, for various reasons, but that house did, and they were everyone’s favorite place because their skeletons made the neighborhood feel festive and alive.
Never lose your passion for things like this. While you might be making one woman upset, you may also be making the days of tons of other people.” Always-Anxious-
Another User Comments:
“A huge part of the fun is looking at everyone’s decorations regardless of how your own house looks.
It sounds like she has a strong case of mom guilt and is taking it out on you. You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. Yes, being a working mom is hard, and creating holiday magic is a metric ton of work. But I have a strong feeling she’s being hard on herself and you in turn.
NTJ.” ladysuccubus
9. AITJ For Asking My Mother-In-Law To Stop Comparing Me To My Husband's Ex?
“My husband Raphael (31M) and I (28F) have been married for almost two years. His mother has always been polite but distant. Though lately she’s been bringing up his ex-partner, Jo, in a lot of conversations.
For context, Raphael had a five-year-long relationship with her from when he was 20-25, and it was the only other serious relationship aside from me that he’s had. They broke up because she told him that she’d lost feelings for him and it just wasn’t the same anymore.
It’s been comments like, ‘Oh, Jo always used to make the best lasagne’, or ‘Jo always dressed so well’. I shrugged it off at first because it wasn’t frequent and I know that she liked Jo a lot when they were together. But it’s getting worse.
Last weekend, she came over after dinner and spent a lot of the time (at least while I was present) talking about how Jo would have done anything that I did differently. I felt uncomfortable & Raph did as well, but when he told her to stop she just kind of brushed him off.
I talked to him after everything and he agreed that it was weird and disrespectful. I decided to organize to speak to her. We went for coffee and I explained that the comparisons were hurtful and that I’d appreciate it if she could stop mentioning Jo.
She was taken aback and told me that I was being overly sensitive and trying to drive a wedge between her and her son. Now I’m wondering if I went too far and should have just left it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“God no. She‘s the one who trying to drive wedges.
Frankly disappointed in your husband. It should have been him who talked to your MIL. I find his inaction a bit concerning. It’s all well and good to say he agrees but he actually has to do something. It is his mother who is being rude.
He needs to take action – the fact he says nothing to her about it encourages her to go further and further because his silence is tacit agreement. I wonder if he still holds a candle for the ex. NTJ.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…But there are ways to get your point across. Jo’s food was so much better. “You know MIL, you have said that many times. It is clear you do not like anything I cook for you, so I will stop doing so”. You say calmly, politely, and sweetly.
And you do not cook for her again or for a very long time. If she says something, “Sorry MIL, but it is much less stressful and not hurtful for me to not cook for you than to hear you compare everything I do cook to Jo”.
Whatever topic she brings up, put it on her. “Well, Jo would have decorated this way. Look around and go hmmm, “really? I did not know you find my home so offensive. Let me show you the door. Hub and I will just visit you from now on.
When we are able to”. MIL wants to bring up Jo all the time, you and your husband need to throw it back at her. Hubs needs to say, (if you do plan on having children), Mom, wife is not Jo. And I for one am glad that is so.
I love my wife and I will not have her disrespected any longer. Someday, you might be a grandmother. But if I hear the name Jo ever again, it will be in name only, because you will not see the child.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This one is a slam dunk. The MIL should not be saying these things, especially with the frequency you describe. It’s good that you have the support of your husband and the way you tried to deal with it by having a conversation instead of erupting when she got on your last nerve.
Perhaps she will stop or slow down now that you said something, and if she’s so worried about a wedge between her and her son and doesn’t want to hurt that relationship, maybe he should continue to say something to her when and if she continues.
It doesn’t matter if she thinks you are oversensitive, it only matters if she stops. Another idea is to say something like ‘Maybe you should give her a call, I’m sure she would love to hear from you’, and if she gets upset tell her she’s being oversensitive, that you were only concerned about her obviously missing the ex.
Nice should work if she cares about her son and you. If it doesn’t, you have to either let it slide (I wouldn’t) or step it up. Hopefully, your husband will be a little firmer in his rebukes if she continues. She will eventually listen to him, even if she won’t listen to you.
The stigma of MILs is no accident.” Heathcoatman
8. AITJ For Snapping At My Partner Over Money Issues?
“I (30F) and my partner (35M) have been together for 1 year, known each other for 10. I want to start this off by saying that we both grew up in similar situations – food wasn’t always on the table, clothes were hand-me-downs or thrift store, toys were a luxury, etc.
My partner has a good job, but it doesn’t pay well. He’s also really good at his job, and I’m super proud of him.
Before we started seeing each other, I had a horrible 9-5 job that I was absolutely miserable at. My co-workers were jerks, and my boss was extremely sexist. In my downtime, I began to write my first book.
I’ve always loved writing and dreamed about being a real author someday.
Apparently, it was meant to be because after I finished my first book, it blew up. I was getting demands for a sequel (which I did write and published), and now I’m getting demands for the third and the mini-series.
(I won’t list the book titles here, I’d like my personal stuff and work stuff to remain separate).
One day, my partner looked at me and said, “You make in a month what I make in a year.” He didn’t say it maliciously, but it had me wondering if maybe he resented me a bit.
I asked him, but he said he didn’t. He said he was proud of me. He even started helping me promote my books, and when I wrote my first non-fiction book, he said he was even more proud.
But lately, whenever the topic of money comes up, he gets really quiet and really moody.
I’ve always told him it’s not MY money, it’s OUR money. I wouldn’t be where I am today without his encouragement. I’d probably still be in that awful 9-5 job.
This started when he asked me for help with his car. He was behind a couple of payments, and obviously, I paid it.
I don’t drive, but he does take me wherever I need to go, so I chip in for gas, and of course, I’ll make a payment if he can’t. But now his brakes are going too. I told him to make an appointment and he said he can’t afford it.
I said, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of it.” He got super moody, and it bugged me a little.
It’s been weeks, and he still hasn’t made the appointment. I’m uncomfortable getting in the car now because I don’t want the brakes to fail while I’m in there.
I don’t want the brakes to fail while HE’s in there! When I brought it up again, he said he’ll make the appointment when he can afford it. I snapped and told him to just do it, the car needs to be safe.
I feel like he’s actually starting to resent me because I make more money.
He won’t admit it, but he won’t tell me what’s actually wrong, either. Now, I feel I made things worse because I snapped at him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think he resents you. I think he’s embarrassed that he can’t meet your success in that department.
He’s probably doom spiraling thinking you couldn’t possibly be happy with him if he can’t meet you financially. Also, the “our” money thing… that only really counts if you have shared accounts, if you guys have separate it basically means it’s your money that he’s allowed to ask for.
Which, that’s not gonna happen. We’re talking about gender norms that span generations here, I think an actual conversation about this would be better. And yes snapping about it didn’t do you any favors. No jerks here.” AppropriateListen981
Another User Comments:
“I think you just need to sit down and express how this is making you feel.
Of course I don’t know everything, but from what I got from this post..it seems like he feels bad for having you pay for things. I know personally I am independent and like to take care of myself. I appreciate it when I do get help, but it gives me kind of a sour feeling deep down.
If that makes sense. Now the moodyness, he probably should work on. But either way, you guys should have some time together to let feelings out on both sides so you can meet in the middle and not walk on eggshells with each other.” Sapphire71519
Another User Comments:
“It might be a weird imbalance because of how long you’ve been seeing each other, especially when it comes to your sudden success. If I’m reading this correctly, you haven’t really blown up other than in the last year, but I doubt you wrote 2 very successful books from start to finish through all the publishing to popularity as an unknown in just that year.
Talking about it as well as figuring out what you both want in the future and how you can balance that will be important. If you live together, maybe make rent proportional to income or consider always paying 1/3 of the car payment since you don’t drive but use it enough.
Don’t cave and become a total sugar momma, because they clearly want some sort of good feeling about bringing in some of the cash, but doing what you can to make it look fair, and help relieve his financial stress without emasculating him will do wonders long term, again, if that is what works for both of you.” yeahillhaveanother
7. AITJ For Defending My Mom's Financial Choices Against My Husband And In-Laws?
“I come from a family of 3 including my mom and my little sis. I lost my dad when I was 10 and my mom single-handedly did her very best to make everything seem as if dad were still around. She never had support from relatives and obviously made countless sacrifices as we were growing up.
I got married in 2022 and moved to NZ. As soon as we got married, my in-laws spun into action by making me convert all my bank accounts into joint accounts with my husband. At the time, their reason was that it would be beneficial for my move to NZ.
I constantly turned a blind eye giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Enter husband. The red flags started popping up immediately after our wedding. His total lack of compassion is mind-boggling. I used to tell myself maybe he’s just shy. I used to get depressed constantly, but I told myself that I’m stuck with this now and maybe I’m the one who needs an attitude change.
So the latest issue began when my mom told me over the phone that she would really like to visit Turkey with one of her friends. My husband who was attending the call with me just stormed off, making the whole thing really odd. He then started arguing with me that I should make her understand that going on expensive international trips at this time is a bad idea, she should be saving money for my sister when she needs to get married. Truth be told, even I thought it was a bad idea at the time since mom just traveled to Singapore this year.
But I brushed off his concerns saying that even if I am to object, she wouldn’t listen to me and would end up in an argument. Besides, the trip wasn’t confirmed at all. We ended up not speaking that whole weekend.
I finally lost it and started pushing his buttons to know why exactly he’s so concerned about this and ultimately it slipped from his mouth – he doesn’t want my mom to approach us for money after she spends all of hers.
I told him it’s none of his business what my mom chooses to do with her money and she’s never approached us for help. Even if she does, it’s my responsibility and I will not abandon my family. My mom’s getting older and has the fear of missing out about not being able to travel and see beautiful places.
Things escalated pretty quickly after that and my in-laws got involved. I work a good job and am single-handedly putting my husband through college. If I ever mention even in the slightest way about me being the breadwinner, they turn the whole thing against me.
This was the first time I raised my voice against them because I understood that they really look down on me and my family. Everything’s come crashing down on me to the point that even the things I do on a daily basis while maintaining a busy schedule are at fault.
It seems like they want me to cast out my side of the family completely. I’m not totally a saint here. I should have controlled my emotions better. But I expect any good human being to stand up for their family when they are being treated wrongly.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“So you are the sole wage earner in your family, have put all your monies into shared accounts, and live different country distant from your family. You absolutely have to stand up for yourself and have to be aware that your social support network is distant so you’ll get a skewed view of what’s appropriate if your only contact points are your in-laws.
You should always have your own private and secure bank account, private and password-protected email, and control of your passport. Doesn’t matter where you live, with whom, or how much you trust people. NTJ.” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next paycheck, open a private account, at a different bank, in just your name.
Put some money in it from every check. The majority in the joint, household account, but you should always have some money that is just for you. His parents should have no say in your finances. You are the sole wage earner. You should get a say in how YOUR money is handled. If your mother has never asked you for money, what makes him think she will now?
And your sister’s wedding? When is that happening? There is still time for your sister to save up for her own wedding. And with your own money, you can help her if you want to. Your in-laws sound very controlling. They should stay out of your relationship with your husband.
Too much interference from family often leads to divorce.” Fickle_Toe1724
Another User Comments:
“Why do your in-laws know so much about your finances? It’s not their business. Open a bank account for yourself at a different bank to the joint account and have your salary paid into it.
You can then transfer enough for the bills into the joint account. You seem to be controlled by your husband and his family and it seems their end game is to isolate you from your family. This is very dangerous ground. You need an escape fund if the worst comes to worst. This whole situation seems very troubling to me.” manygoodies
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Best Friend's Partner To Join Our Planned Backpacking Trip?
“My best friend (23F) and I (23F) have been planning a backpacking trip through Europe for what feels like forever. It’s been one of those “bucket list” things we always talked about in college, just us out there exploring, having the time of our lives.
To me, this was going to be our special adventure as best friends—a chance to bond, be silly, and make the kinds of memories you can only really make when it’s just the two of you.
Recently, though, she started seeing a guy (24M).
He’s a nice guy, and I was happy for her, especially seeing her so excited. But when I brought up finalizing our trip, she surprised me by saying she thought it would be fun if he came along. She said she’d always pictured this as more of a shared experience with other people jumping in too.
I get it—She’s more social than I am, and she’s never been one for rigid plans—but I feel like bringing him changes the entire dynamic.
I tried explaining that it was always about us for me, and I don’t want to feel like I’m intruding on a couple’s trip or a bigger friend-group thing.
She said it wouldn’t be like that, that we’d still have plenty of time to ourselves, but it feels different now. This was supposed to be our best friend trip, not just any trip. I want her to understand that this isn’t about him; it’s about the fact that, for me, this was a chance for us to focus on our friendship without anyone else around.
She says I’m being unfair and that I’m “limiting” what this trip could be. I don’t want to be unreasonable or make her feel like she has to choose, but I’m honestly just…hurt. AITJ for asking her to keep it the way we originally planned?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think that she might be discounting that this affects your trip experience in a big way. It doesn’t sound like you have a history with this man, and traveling with a man that you’ve never spent much time with at all?
I think I would be a bit on edge the entire time, would be more guarded/feel less safe, and wouldn’t enjoy myself nearly as much. If it were me and she insisted on bringing him, I would give her the travel plans, tell her to enjoy herself with him, and then start planning a different trip for another time (I’m glad to hear that this happened before it was finalized).
Time is important, and at that point, I wouldn’t waste mine.” TheKidKaz
Another User Comments:
““She said it wouldn’t be like that.” From experience, it is always like that. Every meal on this trip is going to be either you third-wheeling to their date or you eating alone.
Happen upon a view you really want to take in with your friend? You’re an accessory to them having a romantic moment. They’re also a recent pair who’s never traveled together right? Oh boy, imagine the fun of being at ground zero when one of the 9 billion possible tiffs happens whilst they’re literally stuck with each other.
Backpacking will stress test the heck out of their romance and you’ll be along for the ride. NTJ. I wouldn’t go if I was getting paid.” salmalight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it’s not so much about feelings, but about the fact that she’s proposing a change to the planned trip, and you don’t want that change.
She can ask, but it’s fair enough for you to disagree – few people would want to be the odd one out in a trip involving three people because the other two are a couple. I think you need to tell her that you’re not interested in her proposed trip, and if she wants to go to Europe with her partner instead of on the trip you and she had planned, that’s fine with you.
(OK, it isn’t really, but you want to sound mature about this.) You’ll go on your own (or invite another friend to travel with you in her place, whichever you prefer). Make it clear that she has to let you know now, so you can change plans, bookings, etc, if she chooses a trip with her partner.” SavingsRhubarb8746
5. AITJ For Refusing To Combine My Wedding With My Future Mother-In-Law's?
“I (25 F) have been engaged to my lovely fiance (27 M) for a few months now, everything has been perfect, my family absolutely adores him and his family is just the kindest. They are so comforting to be around and they welcome me with open arms.
But here’s the problem, aside from me and my fiance getting married so is his (56 F) mother with whom I have never had a problem. In fact, I’m very happy for her, we have been planning our weddings together and it’s just been such a delight.
We have bonded so much from these meetups and I’ve learned so much about her. At one of our meetups, she brings up having our weddings combined together and states “so we can experience the same love”. I say no to this because I am not comfortable with sharing my wedding with someone else due to the fact my wedding is supposed to be about me and my fiance only.
I tell her that I am not comfortable with that thought and it would just be better if our weddings stayed separate, she said she understands but keeps on pushing with the matter to the point where I burst and tell her that I am not comfortable with sharing my wedding with someone who is 21 years older than me and on their 3rd marriage.
She began uncontrollably sobbing telling me I’m a nasty person that can’t take care of myself. She informs her and my family about what happened and also posted about the issue on social media saying how I’m gonna be a terrible wife to my husband and an even worse mom to his kids.
My husband and his family are absolutely outraged with me meanwhile some people are on my side. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that she took it to social media is ominous to me. She’s 51 publicly dumping on her future daughter-in-law because she would not take NO as your answer.
And your fiancé is angry with you? He should be livid that his mother would go to this kind of extreme. What kind of premarital counseling do you have set up? Your fiancé’s relationship with his mother needs to be discussed with an objective 3rd party.” 5115E
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course – your wedding SHOULD be your own but wow…that took a turn really sharply and quickly! Everything was sunshine and roses then BAM! NTJ of course but your fiance should have taken up the argument against the same-day wedding once you said your initial ‘no’.
You went a little overboard with throwing in her age and that it’s her 3rd marriage..that gives the implication there is something wrong with HER and not just that you didn’t want to share a wedding with ANYONE. Your ‘husband’ (did you already get married?) is right to be outraged at the insult but should have your back with the no joint wedding thing.
That your future MIL trashed you all over social media is so crappy. You need a heart-to-heart with your fiance. Quickly.” tinny36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, I’m getting a creepy Jocasta vibe from the fact that she wants to get married with her son.
And your fiance is choosing his mother’s side. Think about putting wedding planning on hold for a while. Just don’t talk about wedding plans, don’t look at dresses or venues, and don’t book anything. Set it all aside. Ask your fiance to go to couples counseling with you.
The two of you have some stuff you should work through before marriage. And when you are ready to resume wedding planning, don’t discuss any of your plans with fMIL. Don’t offer suggestions, don’t compare notes, don’t tell her any details of your plans at all.
And also, set passwords with every vendor. Don’t tell your fiance the passwords. Just set passwords. And make sure all of the contracts are only in your name, so no one else can cancel or alter your arrangements.” teresajs
4. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Partner For Eating My Dumplings?
“My partner (24M) and I (24F) went to a restaurant for only our second time eating out together. This week has been really rough at work, and I asked him to go out for food, saying I needed a pick-me-up. I mentioned I wasn’t super hungry since I had already eaten, but I was really looking forward to having some dumplings and soup—I even talked about how excited I was for the dumplings during the drive there.
When we ordered, I made it clear that I only wanted four dumplings and some soup. My partner ordered two large mains for himself since he has a bigger appetite. When the food arrived, I shared my soup with him and tasted a bite of his food, but I was mostly focused on my dumplings.
When my dumplings came, I ate one before I needed to run to the bathroom. When I got back, he had eaten both of the remaining dumplings! I was really upset because I had been looking forward to them and only got to eat one.
I told him how disappointed I was and called him selfish, saying he never thinks of me. I asked him to pay for how much he ate since I had specifically wanted those dumplings.
I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but I feel like he should have asked before just taking them, especially since I had expressed how excited I was.
AITJ for getting upset, calling him out for being selfish, and asking him to pay more?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but fighting over food is never a problem in these situations. Sorry for making an assumption but I don’t think it’s the food that angered but a reoccurring pattern from him.
Why don’t you guys have a long conversation? When there’s a big problem that couples refuse to talk about they will fight about smaller things to release the steam but also making up after it is easier. If there’s a bigger problem in your relationship, smaller fights will occur more often.” InformalTranslator97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have very strong feelings about food sharing. And my closest people are on the same page and we have respect for it. I still remember the day over 10 years ago when my ex asked for a bite of my burger and my father and I watched him take the LARGEST bite he could possibly take.
My father saw my face drop. It was right from the center of the burger too. He had his own. I should have known our fate then…. All that is to say – he should have asked. And if your relationship is still young I would leave if he can’t understand the issue and take accountability.
Especially with dumplings! Dumplings are sacred!” Galloping-Scallop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – is this an ongoing issue? My husband and I struggled with this – he would snipe food from my plate before I was finished or full. He has gotten a fork stab, death glares, and a chewing out many times.
About a year in, he learned to ask and now, after 16 years, he just reads the signs of me slowing down. I have also learned to explicitly state, ”DO NOT EAT THIS” if I have leftovers or walk away for any reason. Explicit communication is not hot, but it prevents a whole lot of issues.” Still-Degree8376
3. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Skip His Annual Golf Trip After Our Baby Is Born?
“My husband has an annual golf trip with his buddies, but this year it’s 6 hours away for a weekend. I know a weekend doesn’t seem like a lot, but it’s 4 weeks after we have our first child (assuming he’s not late) and it’s going to be a heavy drinking fest, so if something happens it’s not like he can drive home and be here.
So far things look good (i.e. no c-section), but you never know and if things turn, I probably still won’t even be able to lift much at that time. Also, we’ve talked and I’ve agreed that throughout the week no matter what I’ll tend to all feedings so he can sleep and feel well-rested for work, but on weekends it’s a shared responsibility and I feel like at 4 weeks old getting used to a new life with a baby is still going to be very difficult and I’ll need that one or two days of shared responsibility.
This golf trip happens every single year and he’s making it seem like a big deal that I’ve asked him to miss it this year and has labeled me as controlling. AITJ and overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a dad. I didn’t know how much of a toll birth was going to take, and I did a ton of research.
You’re likely to be 3 weeks postpartum. You’re going to be held together by hormones & stitches even if you don’t have major abdominal surgery. You’re going to be figuring out feeding, sleeping, toys, doctors, and he’s going right back to work? Then leaving for a weekend?
He needs to realize this is the time to step up for the family. Send apologies for the next 2 years, and the friends will welcome him back.” Stuck_With_Name
Another User Comments:
“A lot of very good NTJ reasons posted here already. You do not get a weekend away with a newborn.
I can’t believe he is even contemplating this. But I wanted to say that the whole thing of you doing all the nighttime feeds during the week so he can be well-rested for work is quite selfish. Your 24-hour-a-day job is keeping the baby alive and you need to get some rest so that you can do that without falling apart.
Sleep deprivation is literally torture. He needs to step up.” bingbobadeggins
Another User Comments:
“Oh man 100% NTJ. You’re absolutely right about the due date – they’re really only a guess and few babies are born exactly when expected. But beyond that, I don’t think he yet understands how emotionally and physically draining a newborn is.
Even your plan of being responsible for all feedings during the week makes me skeptical (no criticism implied at all! It sounds like you’re the one really stepping up here.) Babies need to be fed basically every 2-3 hours 24 hours a day. It takes a while to feed them (30 minutes minimum) and they don’t just sleep in between.
My point is, it’s a nearly impossible sleep schedule for you to keep up, and not one designed to be taken on by one person. Is he taking any time off work at the beginning? Have you got family round who can help? Your partner needs to be stepping up – not asking what the minimum is but trying to shoulder the maximum load because newborns are difficult and it will be hard on both of you for those first couple months or so.
Essentially I’m just trying to say that I don’t think your partner understands what’s coming. It’s ok to be unprepared, but he needs to get prepared quick. It is not ok to only be a dad on weekends. It is not ok to leave for something optional and non-essential while you are still actively recovering from pushing out his child.” humanobservatory
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Make A Sandwich While My Partner Was Cleaning The Kitchen?
“My partner (35F) and I (36M) are hosting my brother (34M) for two weeks because he has a training in our city. It’s the first time we’ve hosted him for this long (usually he comes to visit for just a weekend), and for such a long stay, differences in eating habits, cleanliness, helpfulness with chores, etc. are starting to clash (politely, but still).
My partner and I spend a few hours on Saturdays cleaning our apartment and cooking for the next few days. I was hoping my brother would at least propose to help but he hasn’t, he went for a walk when we started, came back later and stayed on his laptop, then took a nap.
At 4 pm he was hungry (he had snacked on a hot dog in town during his walk instead of coming back to eat with us for lunch), so he asked me if he could make himself a sandwich. I said “sure but if (my partner) is cleaning the kitchen, you should wait, or eat a banana or an apple”.
I know that my partner doesn’t want anyone in the way when she’s cleaning a room. She is using that time to call her family. Besides, I was already a bit annoyed that my brother hadn’t proposed to help, so to go as far as sitting in the kitchen eating a sandwich while she is cleaning, I found this rude.
He doesn’t want a banana and would like bread and ham. I said “ask (partner) if you can, but don’t be surprised if she says no”. He went into the kitchen to ask. She was cleaning and calling her mom. The kitchen table was full of stuff (blender, soap, etc.) that she had just put aside, she would have needed to move them to make space for him, or let him use the counter, which she was cleaning.
She pointed him to the fruit basket and, just like I did, told him he can have a fruit. He didn’t take anything.
He came back to me and complained that we are “extreme” for not letting him have a sandwich, that he has never seen that anywhere, and that anyone would find it abnormal. I had no response.
To me, it sounded absolutely normal that if you are invited in someone’s home, especially for such a long stay, you don’t get in their way when they are busy cleaning. But my partner’s mother had overheard on the phone when he had come into the kitchen, and told my partner “come on, let him have his sandwich, the poor thing will starve”, so she came out and told him he could have it.
Now I’m not sure whether we are the jerk for telling him no in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, except for your partner. Yes, your brother is apparently an entitled jerk when it comes to visiting family. But how exactly is this a surprise to you, when your mom says he does the same at her place?
How do you not open your mouth and clearly state your expectations, rather than expect without cause that things would be different this time? And then to put the cherry on top, you send him into the kitchen to your partner to burden her with saying no to him, again, rather than you taking up this apparently very necessary discussion with him.
C’mon dude. Step up here.” HoldFastO2
Another User Comments:
“Typically, you treat guests. Yes, he is your brother, and he is old enough to wait on a sandwich, but usually, people keep to their own routine. Asking him to clean up after himself is one thing, but to help deep clean your place when he is only staying a few weeks is strange.
Getting mad after not asking him to help and not communicating is your problem. It sounds like he just has different things he sees as respectful since you didn’t lay out the rules. He could think that staying out of the way while you and your wife are busy is being respectful.
He asked about food, and you told him to ask your wife. He did. You both are being nit-picky over nothing. You and your wife are the jerks here.” InfamousCup7097
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk – Who deep cleans their house when they have guests?
It’s really rude. If this is a regular clean then surely your house isn’t going to be that dirty and a quick sweep around the house is fine for a weekend or two. If you are taking all day, every week, you must be cleaning the floor with a toothbrush.
He’s visiting, go spend time with him! Join him on his walk, take him to see some sights, make the most of your time with him. Home deep cleaning is not a quality shared activity. If I have guests then there is no way I would expect them to do any housework.
If they want to cook (my brother loves cooking for example) then fair enough but I wouldn’t expect that. They are your guests, you make sure they have a great time.” My_sloth_life
1. AITJ For Being Upset At My Mom For Accessing My Medical Records Without My Consent?
“I (19M) had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for this morning to go over some bloodwork and heart exams.
My doctor unfortunately had an emergency and canceled so I have to wait for a week. My exams are available on an app but I didn’t want to look at raw data without a diagnosis or solutions.
My mom (51F) disagreed and has been pushing me to download the app since I had my first exam done. I didn’t.
Today she went around me and somehow got a hold of my medical records. I don’t know if it was through insurance or if she used my social security number to make an account.
She told me everything even though I didn’t want to know. I told her I didn’t want to know after and she claimed I was attacking her for being concerned. She then said she pities anyone who has to be my partner and I said I doubt I’ll ever get to have one because I have so many health problems now which she never responded to.
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a legal issue with the medical facility and your mom. She can legally get in trouble for what she did, considering you are 19. I would call and find out how it happened, is it on your mom’s side that she did something or the medical facility?
If you want to continue treatment there should be no way for her to get the files. Second, insurance doesn’t have access to it, and they don’t release files unless you submit for them. Highly doubt that happened since they just got released and insurance mostly likely doesn’t have the data from it yet.
So if she downloaded the app, put in your info, that’s illegal. Call the medical facility and ask for advice to shut down the account made fraudulently.” ashvin812
Another User Comments:
“Your mother should respect your wishes, but clearly she is not the type who is going to take no for an answer.
I would contact the doctor and restrict her access, but when you do, she is going to call you the jerk again because she feels she has a right as your mother. Guessing she feels she has a right to do a lot of things as your mother and this is going to be a hard habit to break.
Making parents act within boundaries is very difficult for both parties, because parents will, especially invasive parents, will continually consider their intrusive behavior as caring and loving and when you reject that, they don’t understand. Stand strong and if necessary, let your doctor explain why it is wrong for her to invade your privacy like that.” Ruby6693
Another User Comments:
“Is there a jerk here? She’s your mother who’s concerned about your health. Most mothers are nosy about their kid’s health. You are scared about the future, and your health. Sometimes it’s better for someone else to manage some things when you get diagnosed because it all gets too overwhelming (example – someone cooks dinner or sets up appointments, maybe even drives you to them.)This all sounds really tough and you need someone to talk to.
Doesn’t have to be your mom.” Crimsontideforever
