People Are Stuck In Their Ways In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Fly Twice In One Month To Honor My Late Mother-In-Law?
“My husband’s mother passed away 3 years ago. She was diagnosed with cancer and unfortunately died within a year. Some background; we didn’t have the best relationship as she was very traditional and would make very rude and offensive comments towards me.
My husband and I have the same qualifications and jobs, but I was still expected to do everything around the house, cook, etc. So, we were never very close.
Regardless, obviously I was there for her and my husband after her diagnosis. When we found out she was terminally ill, we were about to start our summer holidays.
We are both teachers and live in another country, over 3 hours away from his home city by plane. We canceled all of our summer plans and flew back to spend 7 weeks with his parents, helping out as much as we could. When she passed away, we both got time off work to go back home again.
My current issue is that my husband and his father don’t think that I’m doing enough to honor her memory. The main issue is that her anniversary is coming up soon, which of course I will fly over for and attend. However, it is also her birthday in the same month, and I’m expected to fly over again for a family meal. This means, that in 1 month, I have to fly to another country twice from Friday evening to Sunday.
I can’t get any holiday time because of my profession. It is expensive (as well as flights, we have to arrange a pet sitter) and exhausting as it is the most tiring time of the year, and his home city is a 2-hour drive from the airport – so 10 hours of traveling in 1 weekend.
I am more than happy for my husband to go back as often as he needs to. I have also suggested that we find a halfway point to meet which has been shut down. I feel like I’m being guilted and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Respectfully, she’s not really yours to honor. You didn’t get along. You didn’t live in the same country, so I must wonder if you even knew each other very well? Your part in this is to support your husband, and it looks to me like you’re doing that.
If he wants to celebrate her birthday, he can. If he wants to commemorate her anniversary, he can. But even for a mother/son relationship, this is a lot. It’s not something I would expect of you even if there was no travel involved, and it’s certainly not something you should feel obligated to do.
He can honor his mother however he wishes, but that’s for him. You still get to choose for yourself. Repeated flights to a different country is not the end all be all of love and empathy.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“This feels like being expected to put in appearances for the living.
You can honor that person’s memory anywhere, especially their late birthday. This feels bizarre that you are expected to fly to her home city to celebrate her birthday. The date of her passing… maybe (optional to you with no guilt or shame if you decline), but those expectations should wane over time.
Also bizarre that your husband doesn’t have your back. It’s his late mother, not yours. NTJ.” Snackinpenguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The anniversary of her passing (at least the first year) – attend. Her birthday? No, unless the birthday of a deceased relative is culturally important.
Presumably, your husband will fly over for both events? Will he be doing this every year? That will chew up a lot of money and time and you don’t want to encourage an expectation that you will attend every year. I can imagine a scenario where you are expected to attend two anniversaries for MIL, eventually FIL, perhaps grandparents, siblings, cousins.” Aw_Yeah_Nuh
20. AITJ For Wanting To Euthanize Our Senile Family Dog?
“My husband and I live together and my stepdaughter (22) lives between our house and her mum’s. She probably spends 65% of her time here. I also have a stepson but he’s at university.
We have a 12-year-old Labrador, Lola. Lola was dumped on my husband at the age of 1 by his ex (stepchildren’s mum) because she couldn’t be bothered with her and has a history of selling family pets when she gets bored/overwhelmed with caring for them.
My husband took Lola in (and a cat, but that’s another story) and has provided all of her care for 11 years. His kids would go out for walks with Lola as a family from time to time, but aside from that he does everything. I met Lola when she was 9 and her decline since then is very evident.
The problem is Lola has become senile and regardless of how many times we let her out before bed, we will wake up to urine/poo on the carpet. We rent so putting down better flooring isn’t really an option. My husband has cleaned the carpet every morning since I can remember due to this.
It’s unsanitary and we’re embarrassed to have people over because of the stains and the smell, we literally can’t keep on top of it. When Lola does pass on we will get the carpet a deep professional clean as many times as it’s needed, but at the moment it would be a futile effort.
My husband works from home so Lola can use the garden whenever she needs. She can’t really go on walks longer than 10 minutes anymore.
My husband and I are at the end of our tether and Lola’s quality of life, if I’m honest, is poor.
She sleeps, eats, and then relieves herself on the carpet at night. She’s started barking through the night for no reason and we’ve had to put a stair gate up as she attempts to climb the stairs which her joints can’t manage anymore.
Stepdaughter, however, when we talk about euthanasia due to all of the above, tells us we want to euthanize Lola simply because we can’t be bothered with her anymore.
She feels that the situation with Lola’s incontinence isn’t enough to warrant euthanasia and that we are being heartless and overzealous. We advised today that this will probably be Lola’s last Christmas and we’ll make the most of it. Stepdaughter left the room crying.
I for the most part have tried to keep out of it despite the situation getting me down because this isn’t my childhood dog, so I feel that I don’t really get a say in it, despite living here.
My husband has no attachment to Lola anymore because of the situation and is still caring for her but resents her if I’m honest. Every time we try to bring up the subject, stepdaughter cries and leaves the room and it’s causing a lot of tension in the house.
We feel like she doesn’t appreciate how hard the incontinence is to manage/how unclean it is, she thinks we’re heartless.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re both NTJ and YTJ – I just went through this for several months with our family dog. We finally put her down, because she stopped eating, and it was time (Vet actually said we timed it perfectly, she had 24-48 hrs left).
It’s an incredibly difficult situation to be in when the dog is senile and just relieving themselves everywhere. Before you put the family dog down, have you looked into diapers? They make both disposable and washable diapers for dogs, that will help keep the pee/poo off the floor.
We used washables with inserts. Also, you can try changing the dog’s food to see if that helps. When we switched to a more expensive, fresh food, she peed and pooed much less often inside…there were entire days that were without offerings on the floor.
Lastly, we started putting her in a cage at bedtime/when we left for more than an hour. Dogs will not go in a small enclosed area if they have to stay near their leavings. Good luck!” garulousmonkey
Another User Comments:
“At the beginning of your post, I wanted to say YTJ, you’re highlighting all the issues that affect you and it makes you seem callous.
However, what you’ve described of Lola is a dog that’s near the end of her life. She cannot run & play anymore, she cannot walk up the stairs, she cannot sleep peacefully. That is not a happy dog. Could you prolong her life with interventions like diapers & meds?
Possibly. Should you? I’d say no. IMO waiting until a dog is so old & sick that they’re absolutely miserable – just laying around & existing, is not ethical. Keeping them alive at that point is solely for the benefit of the humans because we don’t want to lose something that we love so deeply, but that is selfish.
I would rather euthanize my dog a week too early rather than a day too late. NTJ.” SvipulFrelse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have you talked to the vet about the barking? In our case, it was determined to be dementia and loss of sight. We had to leave night lights on for him to see he was home and even then if he couldn’t see one of us he would get scared and start barking.
The incontinence is exhausting but even with diapers, it’s just a waiting game for an infection. Someone else posted a link to a worksheet on determining quality of life instead of quantity. Download it and go through it honestly. It’s going to be a tough day whenever you decide it’s time, but having an honest assessment of Lola’s quality of life will help you.” twostar01
19. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Playing The Victim At Thanksgiving Dinner?
“My mom and I have always had a strained relationship. Growing up, I learned early that everything had to be about her, her needs, her feelings. I was expected to manage my emotions around her, tiptoeing through every interaction to keep the peace.
If something didn’t go her way, she’d somehow twist the situation until she was the one hurt, the one who’d “done everything right” and was never appreciated. I hated the way it made me feel, but I told myself that one day, I’d have a chance to set boundaries, to live my life without walking on eggshells.
But as an adult, nothing’s really changed. I still find myself anxiously checking my tone, weighing every word before I speak, just to keep her from making herself the victim. This year, I decided to host Thanksgiving for the family, and I promised myself it’d be a peaceful day.
My mom could come, but I’d just focus on keeping things calm. No drama.
Things were fine at first. My dad was cracking jokes, everyone was catching up, and I started to think maybe this time would be different. Then, as we sat down to eat, my mom started in.
First, it was the small jabs and comments about how I “never call,” and how I’m always “too busy” for her. I tried to brush them off, but then she moved on to bigger things, saying how “family means so much to her” but she feels like she’s the only one who cares.
That’s when she launched into her usual spiel about how much she’s sacrificed, how no one appreciates her, and how she’s such a “good mother who’s never shown gratitude.”
I could feel my blood start to boil. I tried to hold my tongue, but I couldn’t do it.
I snapped and said, “Mom, you really need to stop playing the victim. It’s exhausting, and it’s why we don’t get along.”
The room went dead silent. She sat there, shocked before her face crumpled, and she started crying. She called me cruel, heartless, and said I’d ruined Thanksgiving.
She said she’d only ever tried to love me, but I was too “selfish” to see it. She stormed out, and my dad followed her, giving me a sad look like he knew this was coming but couldn’t do anything about it.
Now the family is completely divided. Some of my relatives have called me to say they understand, that she needed to hear it, but others think I was heartless, and that I could’ve been kinder or more tactful.
They keep saying she’s my mother and that one day I’ll regret speaking to her this way. But a part of me feels like I had to say it; if I didn’t draw a line now, I’d be stuck in this cycle forever.
I’m conflicted because I never wanted to hurt her, especially not on Thanksgiving. I just couldn’t keep pretending her behavior was okay. She refuses to see her role in our issues, and I’m tired of always being the one who has to accommodate her feelings.
So… AITJ for finally telling her the truth, even if it hurt her?”
Another User Comments:
“I have something similar in my family. A person who is the family bomb. Everybody walks on eggshells so as not to set the bomb off. I quit doing that a while back.
I set off that bomb big time and I quit walking on eggshells. Sometimes you need to be true to yourself and not worry about what other people are going to do or say. If you’re not being a bully, then you have nothing to apologize for.
She has a need to feel the power she gets from people kowtowing to her and now you refuse. Continue to. Just be you. Don’t go back to the toxicity of eggshells. NTJ.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“I hate these situations where being a jerk or not doesn’t really apply.
It’s not fair to call an abuse victim a jerk. Honestly, it’s probably not fair to call someone with a mental health issue and lacking the capacity to do anything about it a jerk either. Your mom was failed by everyone when she started to behave this way and the adults in her life did nothing.
You were failed by a father who didn’t remove you from the situation and protect you. Your entire family was failed by the people who are now criticizing you for how you’ve chosen to protect yourself when none of them ever did. You’re not a jerk.
You’re experiencing the fallout of stuffing down your feelings and being afraid to stand up for yourself properly and in a healthy way though. Hopefully, this situation will show you how important it is not to let things fester until we lose control of them.
If the people criticizing you cared that much about your mother, they would have intervened when you were a child, before she ruined any opportunity to raise children that could love and respect her.” wwydinthismess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The reason you were never ever able to fully heal is because you continued to give attention and time to your abuser.
You should consider individual therapy, creating and enforcing boundaries, and developing a strong shiny spine (I acknowledge its growth). Your mom likely didn’t want to hear the truth, especially in front of others, but it needed to be said. I think that this is a great opportunity to build upon.
Your mom now knows why you don’t have a great relationship, she can decide what to do next. She got up and left (to cry, which I’m not convinced were real tears) which stopped a potentially great conversation from happening, see what she decides to do if she contacts you.
If she doesn’t – it’s a win anyway. She shouldn’t contact you if she’s unwilling to change.
If she does contact you and is unwilling to change you can just lay out facts for her. “You asked me questions publicly so I responded in the same way.
The conversation we had should have been discussed in private. While I love you as my mother, I don’t like you as a person. I was honest in what I said at the table, you seem to find a way to make yourself the victim when possible.
(List clear examples) This isn’t the behavior I want to be around or put up with. Now that the truth is out there for both of us, you know what is needed to have a relationship with me. It’s up to you if you want to do the work.” I realize that this may cause some of your family members to become upset with you.
But that’s okay. People that would ask you to suppress your own emotions, caused by the person they’re defending, don’t deserve any consideration. Just leave them on read and if they try to converse about it “I realize this started publicly, but moving forward Mom and I will be handling it privately” and walk away.” EJ_1004
18. AITJ For Refusing To Assist My Boss With His Love Life?
“I’m currently working as an executive assistant to the biggest jerk in the world aka the son of my dad’s best friend.
I would’ve quit after the first day but my dad is forcing me to work for him for at least a year.
I feel like he’s intentionally making my life as difficult as possible but I finally decided to just refuse to do certain things.
One thing I’m no longer helping him with is his love life. I told him I wouldn’t be buying gifts for the women in his life or arranging dates anymore. We had an argument over it in front of the other EA because I kept insisting it wasn’t part of my job description and he said my job was to do whatever he told me to do.
He told me if I didn’t do it, he could fire me. I don’t think he actually will because he won’t want to look like a jerk to my dad.
The other EA is also annoyed at me because he thinks I’m going to make life difficult for both of us.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Do your job. Executive assistants are asked to handle pieces of the executive’s personal life all the time. Also, are you a child? Because if not, your dad is not capable of “forcing” you to do anything, and even if you are one he can’t force you not to quit.
Take control of your own life instead of doing a poor job at the job you’re being paid for. You’re also being unfair to the other executive assistant, who is going to end up having to handle the work you refuse to do. I’d be shocked if “other duties as assigned” was not somewhere in your job description.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Thank goodness I live in Alaska and work in the construction industry. I’m an executive assistant and would laugh at anyone asking me to manage their personal life. One-offs are okay, as a personal favor but long term? No way. So many people in this thread are saying that’s part of the job description.
Seriously though, nepotism like this tends to make a very toxic work environment. You’re there for daddy and he’s daddy’s best friend’s son so you two probably have some sort of history. Either do your job or leave. Arguments in the workplace are unprofessional and it’s unfair to your co-workers to have to work around it.
Have daddy put you somewhere else or grow a spine and quit.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have a clear & civil conversation with both fathers (yours & his) & let them know the crux of the matter… I’m sure (hopefully) your dad will take your side on this.
As for his father, well, his response to this matter will let you determine your future course of action. Regardless, if nothing works, report to the HR… last resort, ofc… Keep a record/log of the conversations where he asks you to do such tasks, messages, chats, video/audio (call) recordings, etc. Just talk to someone legally competent to make sure which of the above you’re legally allowed to record/log & present in court later (in case this escalates to that point).” nskvts
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Coworker Rides Anymore After She Mocked My Scooter?
“3 months ago, I (17M) started working part-time at an ice cream and treats shop after school. One of my coworkers (20F), lives in the same neighborhood as me. When she noticed that I had a scooter motorcycle she asked if I’d be okay dropping her off at her house because she had scary experiences with some Careem (Uber equivalent in my country) drivers at night.
I told her no problem and so whenever she worked an evening shift I would drop her off after work.
Last Saturday after we closed she was with her friends outside. While I was on the scooter I asked her if she was going back to her house.
Her friends started laughing and she was visibly embarrassed. I took the cue and left.
The day after, she called me saying I was a jerk for embarrassing her with my stupid beat-up scooter in front of her friends and that she obviously didn’t need a ride from me that night because they were going to a party.
She has an evening shift tomorrow and I don’t intend to take her back with me anymore. I know this might be petty and stupid but I’ve been working and saving for a year and a half to buy the scooter with my parents helping me so if someone mocks it it’s like mocking me even though I know it’s a less than perfect scooter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she made a choice, she could have said “no thank you” when you asked in front of her friends. She could have not called you to tell you what she told you. She could have ignored the whole thing and still would be taking free safe rides home from work.
Instead, she chose to mock you, which pretty much leaves you no option but to refuse to give her any more rides or lose quite a lot of self-respect. So this is all on her, not you.” fotli3146
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow. That’s a prime example of someone using you for their convenience.
Do not feel obligated to offer her a ride again. She can call family or a friend she likes enough not to insult because she and her friends are shallow. You never need to offer her a ride on your “stupid beat-up scooter“ again. (Please always ride defensively assuming every car and patch of gravel on the road actively wants to kill you and wear a helmet.
There’s a reason medics call motorcycles and scooters Donorcycles.)” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“My mother passed when my son was 16. She was driving a 12-year-old Saturn wagon, but it only had 28,000 miles. I inherited it and gave it to my son who was thrilled to death to get a car of his own and was extremely careful and safe when driving.
He had a friend from back in middle school who was also at the high school. This kid would tease my son about his “grandma car, grocery getter station wagon.” Then one day, friend was taking home his band instrument, didn’t want to get on the bus because he thought kids would tease him about having a tenor sax case, and it was raining so he didn’t want to walk home with it in the rain.
He asked my son for a ride home. Son just looked at him and said “I would not embarrass you by being seen in my grocery-getter grandma car, so you’ll have to find a ride from someone with a better car.” Kid was surprised someone called him out on his behavior and couldn’t take it.” LadyGrassLake
16. AITJ For Not Washing My Cast Iron Pan With Soap?
“I only use the cast iron for steaks or other similar things. I never “wash” it, which is to say that I don’t scrub it with soap and a sponge.
I typically rinse it with water and pat it down with a paper towel to get rid of any leftover bits, this is because I don’t want to get rid of the buildup that gives the food flavor.
Anyways. I had a new partner over last night and I made dinner for us using the cast iron.
We were cleaning up together afterwards and they were about to wash it and I asked them not to. They asked me how I wash it and I told them my method of cleaning it and they said that that’s disgusting. I said that I’ve been doing it like that for ages and I (or anybody else) have never gotten sick and it doesn’t lead to mold or anything.
They argue that it’s disgusting and in fact, if they knew that I do it this way then they would not have eaten the meal, and I should disclose this to other people before they eat food that’s been cooked in the pan.
Personally, I don’t see a big deal but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH/No jerks here. A bit of mild dishwashing soap is fine to use in a properly seasoned cast iron pan. It will not ruin it. What you don’t want to do is soak a cast iron pan.
And your partner is being a pearl clutcher for saying your way is disgusting. It’s a common fallacy that you can’t use soap on a cast iron pan and yet there is not a wide spread of food poisoning as a result. That being said, there’s a reason why it’s recommended to wash meaty surfaces with soap.” throwaway20698059
Another User Comments:
“Cast iron can have a little soap, as a treat. But seriously, modern dishwashing detergent is perfectly safe for cast iron. There is no reason to avoid it. Clean your pans well, using a chainmail scrubber if necessary. Then dry over a burner on medium until it’s hot.
Then very lightly oil your pan and let cool. That will keep your seasoning going. Don’t believe me? This is the method recommended by the Butterpat people (who sell outrageously expensive cast iron). Oh, and no jerks here. You are free to care for your pan as you wish and they are free to think it’s gross.” DaughterOfFishes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like you are not washing your cast iron pan as thoroughly as you should for optimal care. You’re not supposed to aggressively scrub cast iron, and many people oppose using soap on it at all, or at least avoiding certain modern cleaning products that might damage the patina – but you still have to put some effort into cleaning it.
The patina that builds up on well-cared-for cast iron cookware should create a non-stick cooking surface but should not impart any flavor to your food. If you think the buildup in your pan is imparting a flavor (even if you like that flavor) that means you’re not washing it correctly.
Watch some YouTube videos on caring for cast iron and carbon steel.” Rojaddit
15. AITJ For Defending Parents Who Choose To Travel The World With Their Kids For A Year?
“My mum’s friend’s relatives have two kids aged 4 and 6. The couple is very well off and has decided to take a year off of work to travel the world with their kids. My mum was telling me about this, and insisted that it was “so unfair to those kids” and “it’s kind of mistreatment to keep them out of school and drag them around travelling like that.”
I told my mum that she was being unbelievably ridiculous to think this and that she should keep those comments to herself. She told me to stop being a jerk and that she would be upset if I “ever did that” to my kids.
Personally, I think it would be an amazing opportunity to do this with my kids, and I would be beyond blessed to have the means to give them that experience.
My mum thinks that this couple is denying their kids the structure of kindergarten and that you can’t expect kids of that age to enjoy travelling.
Am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“I think there are no jerks here. Both you and your mom have expressed your opinions about a subject and it’s OK to disagree.
I, personally, am of the opinion that children that age need a fixed place to call home and return to. School, likewise, is very important and it’s also there that children develop their social skills. I have nothing against travelling, especially during holidays – go for it if you have that kind of money!
However, from what I know, adults who were always moving when they were children usually hated that.” Arroios
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Though your mom is definitely overreacting by calling it mistreatment, there is merit to keeping things more stable at such a young age and saving trips like that for summer vacations and/or when they’re older.
You are also right about it being an amazing opportunity to expose the kids to new cultures and experiences. Though continuous travel for a year could be a bit of a strain on kids that young, it could also be a really fun adventure too.” TheGoodJeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s just plain wrong. A couple of my friends travelled around the world on motorcycles with their toddlers, when they were young. Their kids are some of the most well-rounded, full of healthy self-esteem, and well-put-together people today. One is a professional musician, the other is a good teacher, and the third is an author who owns her own travelling company.
I think it was the wife of the couple who once wrote in one of her successful books about bringing your kids while travelling: “The kids don’t care where they are, as long as mom and dad are there, and everyone’s happy, healthy, well fed and dry.” These kids have travelled through jungles, deserts, mountains, and whatever else the world has to offer.
Sometimes in the sidecar of the motorcycles, sometimes sitting on the gas tank when the sidecar became too boring, and frankly, I think that kids are far more robust and open to new experiences, as long as the parents are there and can take good care of the kids, and talk with the kids about everything they experience.
An acquaintance married the son of a famous Danish captain, they brought their three sons on their own ship and took them travelling all over the world. A few years ago, the two oldest sons borrowed their parents’ ship Havana and sailed around the world for three years by themselves.
Now one has a little son that the young couple is raising, sometimes aboard the family ships. So no, it isn’t mistreatment by any means, it’s quite the contrary.” MBAdk
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Helicopter Mom To Move With Me To College?
“I (17, junior) have been looking to go to college. I have a low GPA and low SAT score and am hoping to be an art teacher. I found a college that I have a chance of getting into, and I briefly mentioned it to my mom.
She’s a helicopter parent, divorced from my dad, and has done/said the worst things to me to the point CPS was called (they did not do anything but that’s beside the point).
I mentioned the college, and she said “(state of the college since it’s out of state and rather far)?
Guess I’ll start looking for houses there.” And I looked at her shockingly and told her no, I’d be living in a dorm. She looked at me upset and told me that I should be living with her. And I told her no, I don’t want to live with her.
Because she never gives me privacy, and I want college to be a time where I can be myself.
She got extremely upset and yelled. And is getting mad and wants me to go to the community college near us. AITJ for not wanting to live with her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But drop it for now with your mom. Get all your paperwork together. Submit financial aid documents ASAP and tell your mom you decided on a local college. Get your birth certificate, driver’s license, social security card, passport and HIDE THEM.
Give them to a close friend or family member you can trust. Then make plans to disappear while she’s at work. Leave her a letter and tell her you will call/email but NOT where you are going.” Interesting_You_2315
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although you should seriously consider how expensive this out-of-state school will be if you’re trying to become an art teacher.
The best way to ensure you can get free and stay free is to be financially independent. If you end up relying on her to help with living expenses after college because you have big loans to pay off, that could become a problem. So, do what’s right for you, but consider whether that’s trying to save money during college so you can have greater independence later or whether you can move away now and not put yourself in dire financial straits later.” Errvalunia
Another User Comments:
“Separation time, when the kid grows up & moves out, is difficult for parents. For some, like your mom, it’s REALLY difficult. I understand your mom. I disagree with her, though. When my daughter went off to college last fall, I had to suppress all kinds of controlling ideas I had.
And I did. And guess what????? Nothing horrible happened. Regarding your situation: To the extent that your mom pays your bills, she controls you. That’s the way it is. It sucks, and it’s not a healthy use of your mom’s power & control, but it is what it is.
NTJ. And good luck with college.” lapsteelguitar
13. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Criticizing My Dog's Diet?
“My friend recently got a dog and it’s made her super obnoxious about other people’s dogs.
She organizes dog play dates with my dogs which is fine but when we go to the dog park she will talk about other people’s dogs like, “Wow she’s long overdue for a groom that owner is negligent!” or “That dog is too fat/skinny”.
It’s annoying but I didn’t care too much until she saw me feeding my dog Savannah dog food.
She eats the blue Buffalo brand and when I brought it out she was horrified and preceded to talk about how all dog food was made in China and toxic and that I need to feed my dog a raw diet or she will die.
My dog is 12 and is perfectly healthy and she’s eaten dog food her whole life with some veg and meat as treats.
I know she brags about spending over $400 on her dog’s raw diet every month but I don’t have any intention of switching.
I told her so and she continued to talk about how if I don’t switch I’m ok with slowly poisoning my dog. I had enough and told her to F off and got out of there ASAP. AITJ here for not wanting to receive unsolicited advice about how to feed my dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, raw diets are horrible for dogs. Grain-free diets cause serious heart problems. If it is a soft diet, it is also bad for their teeth. My dog eats Eukanuba. We checked it’s one of the good ones for the taurine issue that causes heart problems. She also gets a Kirkland fish oil and a canine joint supplement daily.
The fish oil is a cheap alternative to coat supplements, and they work. My dog loves both pills.” GarnetShaddow
Another User Comments:
“If she’s this insufferable over the “right” way to raise a dog, just imagine how she’d be with a child… NTJ OP – despite her newfound “expertise”, she has zero right to comment or complain about your canine care choices, and you don’t need to hand prepare doggie hors d’oeuvres on the daily to demonstrate your commitment to your pup’s well being.
She sounds like a nightmare and someone who desperately needs something to lord over other people to feel good about herself. Yikes.” Sarendipity_28
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So I feed my dogs a raw diet…but you know what else one of them eats? Poop.
Nothing I’ve done changes that, we just keep it picked up out back. You can spend hundreds per month on your pup and they’ll still find ways to eat random crap. They’re dogs. They survived tens of thousands of years eating random crap.
Yours will be fine. I’m sure your dog has a lovely life and at 12 seems to be going strong. You obviously know your dog. Ignore her weird advice. Your dog is A-OK and a raw diet isn’t necessary.” Apple_Shampoo1234
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Sister's Wedding On My Birthday?
“I (13f) have recently gotten the news that my sister (28f) wants me to be the flower girl at her wedding. I was absolutely overjoyed. She even asked about my opinions on some things.
Everything was going great until we had a family dinner yesterday.
My sister and BIL had an announcement to make. I was overjoyed because I thought it would be about the wedding. It was about the wedding. It was about the date. That’s on my birthday.
I didn’t really say anything much because I didn’t want to upset my sister.
But I don’t really know if I want to go. I really want to have a party and the wedding is going to be out of town. I’m considering staying with my grandma because she’s not invited. (I don’t exactly know why this is.)
I’m leaning on going. But on the other hand, I also wanted to do something for my birthday. So would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“So in all the days of the year, they chose your birthday to get married on – that’s super weird, selfish, thoughtless, and very tacky.
Speak to your mom and find out what the reasoning behind it is and you can let her know you are a bit hurt and upset. Many of us celebrate our birthdays with friends on days closest to our birthdays because life happens and plans need to be adapted. Have more class than your sister, you can be there for your mom and enjoy yourself on the day but definitely ask your mom to have the weekend before or after your birthday as a celebration with friends/family.
You’re NTJ for feeling upset however but it’s what you choose to do.” MersWhaawhaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my husband’s sister did the same thing to me, small wedding only 8 people were allowed in the venue, including the bride and groom, the groom had 2 people, the bride had 4.
I wasn’t one of the 4. I was left, dressed up, in the parking lot of the venue. I wasn’t invited to the wedding, but I got to go to the dinner after. During dinner, I went to the bathroom and cried because it seemed like everyone had forgotten my 34th.
It must’ve made them realize I was upset, they gave me $20 in the parking lot after and told me they scheduled it on my birthday because they didn’t want to ruin her birthday which is 7 days after mine. And to all the people saying that you are the jerk because “it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event for your sister, you have a birthday every year” are not realizing that now you probably won’t have any kind of celebration on future birthdays, because now her wedding anniversary will be celebrated before your birthday is even considered. As far as advice on what you should do?
If you’ve committed to being her flower girl, and you did beforehand, you should go. If you feel you will be angry during then you shouldn’t go.” punkin763822914
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have to go, but if your ENTIRE family is going to be out of town for a wedding, except your grandma, probably due to issues with mobility to go to an out-of-state wedding.
I really don’t expect your parents to let you throw a party when they aren’t there, especially paying for it. I have gone to a lot of weddings on people’s birthdays, typically if it’s close family or friends, they normally have a small cake, and make a small speech about it.
So ask your sister, if she realized it was your birthday. And if not then you’ll have other birthdays. Maybe a good way to get some cash from some distant relatives, just kidding. Look what you don’t realize now, especially after 2 years of the world shutting down, is you get the date you can get.
Sometimes it’s not the most convenient for everyone but it is what it is, is she going to postpone for a whole year or months just because it’s your birthday, probably not. No jerks here.” Intelligent-Ad-4568
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sell The ATV I Rebuilt For My Stepson?
“At the behest of my wife, I bought my stepson a 2004 Yamaha Warrior 350cc for his 14th birthday for $1600. It’s been a great little ATV. He and his friends rode it, and have ridden it, very hard for 4 years, frequently “breaking it”.
Due to this, I have completely rebuilt it from the ground up: new springs, struts, a-arms, new swingarm, new plastics, new graphics, new lights, new brakes, new wheels, new tires, spent $2100 on rebuilding the engine, and countless $$$, hours, and nightmares troubleshooting it. I have literally been in the garage overnight working on it.
The only thing not new is the frame, the seat, and the electrical.
Every time something wrong happens, I ask what exactly happened and get the same answer: “I don’t know?” I never get any help, curiosity, or participation regarding the failure, the troubleshooting, or the work, and sometimes clever tricks required to get it going again.
It’s been a labor of love, but only for me, unfortunately.
Now, after the latest failure (electrical, I’m still troubleshooting) his mother is pressuring me to sell it and give him the money. My argument is “It stays here for him and his friends to enjoy.”
We have 3 ATVs and land that they can romp around on, which is loads of fun. He’s 18, barely works (maybe 20 hours a week?), does the absolute minimum of online school to graduate this year, and frankly, I feel taken advantage of and do not think it’s right to reward him for all my hard work for which I’ve received zero appreciation — no thanks and absolutely no love, nothing from the wife (seriously, she never touches me).
My wife says I’m being selfish by not wanting to sell it and give him the money.
I agree there are several underlying issues going on adding to my overall sentiment. However, regarding the ATV, Am I the jerk? I understand it was a gift, but something doesn’t feel right.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I mean everyone. You gave a gift, yes. You chose to put more time and money into it repeatedly. That still didn’t make it any less of a gift. Your son should appreciate that. Your son also should have taken care of it.
Your wife should also appreciate that. You get bonus jerk points for the “seriously, she never touched me” as if you’re expecting physical intimacy as a reward for tinkering with an ATV. Honestly, the least jerk in this story is the son, because it sounds like he’s just the product of you and your wife, so his behavior would really not be unexpected.” Mobile_Following_198
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re caught in the middle and trying to do the right thing. At the end of the day, what it comes down to is your son and his friends are abusing this quad and when these things are pushed beyond their limits – as you’ve found out – everything takes wear and needs attention.
If he’s going to jump, drop, and generally ride the thing into the ground, your son either needs to help you repair it, chip in financially, or have his metaphorical keys taken away. To round out my rather blunt point, tinkering and rebuilding stuff you destroyed is a good way to learn, and a good way to use time not spent doing schoolwork.” MattFuthaMuckas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This post isn’t about you and your ATV, this post is about you and your wife. But I think you know that already. So I will address the question. Let’s look at stepson. He’s 18, works 20 hours a week, and is finishing school.
He may not be exceeding in life, but he is doing what he should be doing, working and finishing school. He may seem lazy and ungrateful, that’s teen years, and, taking into consideration his mom, I think there may be some other things going on here as he is “inheriting” her attitude with you.
That’s what kids do. They watch and learn. He has learned you are simply someone to be taken advantage of.
Now, the ATV. You gave it to him as a birthday gift. IMHO, that makes it his. You are the one who chose to work on his ATV.
Good, bad, or indifferent, that’s the reality of this. His ATV, your choices with it. I’m not in the “Kids never own anything” camp. That’s how you breed resentment in them. The choices you have presented are “Fix it, sell it, and give him the money” or “Keep it for him to enjoy.” These are your wife’s demands and your response.
You have ignored the obvious. He is 18 with a job. Just give him the keys. His ATV, his problem, his choices. He wants to sell it, that’s fine. But he is responsible for getting it running or selling it as is. I would make it very clear when you hand over the keys that, as he has an ATV, he has no claim on the others in your fleet.
Then find another hobby to occupy your time that you get enjoyment from.” WhereWeretheAdults
10. AITJ For Refusing To Do More Chores Until My Parents Pay Me My Past Due Allowance?
“I (16F) have had this arrangement with my parents that if I do my chores every month I will get $25. This includes doing the laundry, dishes, and sometimes also sweeping the floor. I have diligently been doing them basically every day I could except for a few days when I’ve been bone exhausted from school (I’m a part of the IB Diploma and try super hard to get straight 7s/A’s).
So yeah, there have been a few days where I haven’t been able to do said chores but because of that my parents are refusing to pay me my monthly allowance.
My dad just told me today that if I teach my sister every day after school he’ll give me another $50 in return.
So at first, I thought this would be great because I’ve been saving up and it would really help me out to get $75 per month rather than just $25 but here’s the catch:
My parents are actually really horrible at paying me previously – I’ve been doing this for a while but they keep on refusing to pay me.
For my September allowance, they straight up didn’t pay me until mid-October during a festival where it’s customary to give some money for good luck – strictly speaking, the money I got during the festival should be unconnected to my Sep allowance but I didn’t really care much at the time because I was just glad to finally be paid.
And today when my dad just offered me the $50, I pointed out that he didn’t pay me my Oct allowance and I didn’t want to take up the extra offer and waste another hour of each day teaching my sister because frankly some days I have a 9 hour school day + 2 hours taken in public transport from going to school and back.
That’s 11 hours of my day just in school and I already have my own homework to do.
So logically I pointed that out and asked for him to pay me the $25 from my Oct chores first and guess what – my dad said he already paid me for October.
I asked when and he told me that what he gave me during the festival was my Oct allowance and what the heck – not only was the money I got there NOT supposed to be from my allowance BUT THE FACT that he claimed it was my Oct allowance rather than my Sep one…
He claimed that since he gave it to me in Oct it counts as the Oct allowance EVEN THOUGH it was his fault for not paying me in Sep and paying late. So now I’m honestly considering refusing to teach my sister because I don’t want to waste my limited time and now when I brought it up he’s saying that if I’m going to be so picky about it I should just pay my tuition fee myself and pay rent and cook for myself etc. So genuinely am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are not decent people, your word is your bond, old-fashioned but true. They cannot do this in the shops, get a service & do not pay. But they can with you because they are adults & you are a child, so there is a power imbalance.
This is a contract, A does X & B pays A, in a more equitable situation A does not do X, the chores, but in this case, would this get you into trouble with your parents that would have lasting effects on you. Even if you cannot do anything, just tell your father, very calmly & quietly, that while you cannot do anything now, you will never forget that your father robbed you/committed fraud and it will affect how you see him for the rest of your life, then just walk away.” Ireland1169
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are paying you to do chores in the house so that they don’t have to do that themselves. If you didn’t do it, then they would have to do it themselves or force you to do it without pay by threatening you (which isn’t exactly loving).
They pay for the convenience of not having to do the chores themselves. A housekeeper would charge MUCH more even for something as simple as doing the laundry or catching up on the dishes. They’re getting a bargain from you and they benefit greatly from this deal. If they want to continue to benefit from the deal, then they need to honor their end of the deal which is to pay you the $25 regularly.
If you do not get the money, do not continue to do the work. In the real world, if your work stops paying you, it’s perfectly reasonable to stop doing the work because your labor is not free. If they want you to teach your sister, then they will need to be sure that they make a commitment to paying you what y’all agreed upon.
Otherwise, they’re just asking you to do more labor for free and you have limited time and energy to begin with. You could be doing something else for your own benefit with the time you’d be using to teach your sister. Time isn’t free. It has a cost and if they want you to dedicate time after school each and every day to teach your sister, they need to honor that and reward that somehow.” AlexGrahamBellHater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your frustrations are valid. Morally and probably legally depending on where you live, your parents owe you food, clothing, housing, medical care, and other basic care until you are a legal adult. Even if you do no chores. Do you live in the UK?
Your dad is gaslighting you and acting like rubbish. I’m sorry you’re in this position. However, they do not legally owe you anything after you become a legal adult. Alas. So there are a couple of ways to play this. How much do you see yourself relying on them once you turn 18 (assuming 18 is a legal adult where you live)?
If you will still need their financial help, then you may have to suck it up until you no longer need their help. If you will not need their help after you’re an adult, then sure. Refuse to do chores and if they try to kick you out (assuming that’s not legal where you live) then report them to the appropriate authorities.
If they want you to spend hours tutoring your sister, can you spend those hours somehow doing a job that earns you actual money? Can you spend the time you do your chores on a job instead? Are there any trusted adults, preferably relatives, you can talk to about this?
You’re NTJ but you are also kind of stuck for a few years. Good luck. Hang in there.” KingBretwald
9. AITJ For Choosing My School Trip Over A Family Vacation?
“For school, everyone is required to pick a trip to go on, so it’s mandatory there are options for trips in both June and March.
About 2 months ago I chose a trip in June that I genuinely really wanted to go on and was looking forward to it.
Recently, maybe about a week or so ago, my mom brought up a trip to Korea that she wanted my whole family to go on in June.
For context, my two sisters go to school elsewhere, and usually, they don’t have overlap in their school holidays. I agreed and did want to go on the family vacation as well, but I did remind my mom that I have a trip in June (she knew, and I told her when in June it would be) and the vacation couldn’t be scheduled during that time, and she basically brushed it off and said it would be fine and the dates wouldn’t clash.
Well, now she has told me the dates of the holiday, and went ahead and booked the flights and everything. The dates of the holiday are right during my school trip. I went and told her again what happened, I wasn’t angry at that point since she didn’t realize, and she explained that week was the only week both my siblings could make it.
I told her that I would be going on my school trip that I have chosen and the rest of the family could have fun in Korea since going on the trip is mandatory, and I didn’t want to pick a different one.
Afterward, she told me that I had to reconsider, and just pick a trip in March instead, that she would email the school and ask for it to be changed. I refused since the trips I wanted to go on were all in June, and most of the March trips my parents wouldn’t let me go on anyway because of supposed safety issues in those places, so I had very little to pick from.
Now I am being blamed by her for wasting the flight ticket since it’s non-refundable, and she keeps saying how it’s the only time the family is together and we can go on vacation, but I’m not even coming.
I just think she should have considered my schedule since I even reminded her, but I may be the jerk since it’s one of the only times my siblings are all here for a family vacation, and I don’t want to choose a different trip.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already decided on this school trip earlier on, and you told your mother about that. In this case, it’s quite understandable for you to keep that commitment. You made it sound as if you really wanted to participate in the very same trip of your choice because it is compulsory for your school.
What’s really going on is that your mom decided to book this vacation with the family without considering your schedule. She should be contented with her desire for a family vacation. However, she should have considered the fact that your school trip had already been scheduled. You have made it clear that you cannot change your trip, and in as much as that would be the case, it is not unfair on your part to stand by your previous plans.” lilythefirefly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She had enough information to make a decision. She chose to believe she could manipulate you and force you to do what she wanted. You’re teaching her that you really are becoming an adult and can make decisions for yourself.
It’s a hard lesson for some parents to learn. I think she’s unlikely to make this mistake again.” Hour_Type_5506
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t state your age but you are clearly in the transition between childhood and adulthood. This transition can be very difficult for parents to see their child as an autonomous adult.
(Yes, this could last forever.) They have spent decades planning every aspect of your life and your opinion on things was irrelevant. They are not accustomed to consulting you before making plans. It takes time to develop an adult relationship with a parent especially if one party is resistant.
You can contribute by understanding your mother’s point of view but standing firm on your position that you need boundaries to determine your own schedule. You informed her in advance of the potential conflict and she chose to ignore it. That’s on her.
She should have asked you about the conflict before spending non-refundable money, but that also doesn’t make her a jerk. Blaming you for her mistake does. This will not be the last incident of parental overreach. You’ll need to handle them with maturity and compassion so as to not alienate anyone.” mjo69
8. AITJ For Keeping The Watch My Mother Randomly Assigned To Me?
“My (15M) grandad passed away last year in December, my mum was recently given two watches that my grandad used to own by my grandma.
She didn’t specify which one was for whom, she just said to give me and my younger brother (12M) one each.
My mum came in holding two boxes, she had just picked them up randomly and assigned one to each of us, she had said that she would just give us each one unless one of us had a burning desire for one of them – but if we were going to disagree on who should have which one, then she would just give us the one she had randomly assigned us.
When I opened mine, my brother said that he really wanted it, but I also really wanted it. The watch my brother had been given was also really nice and was honestly worth a lot more than mine, but he started complaining that he wanted mine.
He ended up storming out and saying it wasn’t fair.
I honestly think it’s kind of gross that this is tearing us apart, so I’m wondering if I am the jerk for keeping the one randomly assigned to me, even though he also wants it.
Maybe I should just give it to him to keep the peace because I don’t want to turn this into an argument, I just want to respect my grandad’s memory, and although I do really love mine, I obviously wouldn’t make a huge fuss over being given the other one, as this is a gift and a piece of my grandad.
So should I give it to my brother, or just keep the one I’ve got?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry for your loss. Sounds like your brother has a lot of growing up to do. A lot of younger children find themselves wanting what they can’t have, and I suspect if the watches had been distributed the other way around he might still have caused a fight.
In retrospect, I think your mother shouldn’t have even given you a choice. She should have just made an executive decision right from the start to avoid arguments. But it’s too late for that now, and she’s probably still grieving a bit too. I think that swapping watches with your brother would be a really noble thing to do if you’re perfectly happy with either watch.
But you have to use your own judgment on that. Would it make you happy, or would you end up privately resenting it? Do you necessarily want to set a tone with your brother that he can always get his own way if he throws a big enough tantrum?
I’d consider discussing this privately with your mum first and see what she thinks.” crazyheather345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I went through something similar when my great-grandmother died and left a pair of stud diamond earrings, each 3/4 carat, mined in the 1850s, and valuable. My sister got to pick her stud earring and she set it in a necklace.
I got the one that was left and set it in a ring (it’s now my wedding ring). We both had our items appraised and found that her diamond was flawed. Mine is nearly perfect and 30 years ago, it was valued at around 5k.
She started complaining and moaning about how it wasn’t fair. She wanted to switch. I ignored the griping. She got the first choice and it was random. It’s not my problem. The fact that she’s the golden child and always thinks everyone should cater to her is also not my problem and it significantly decreases my sympathy for her.
You should ignore your brother, too. It was random and luck of the draw. You don’t always get what you want, but you need to graciously accept the gift you’ve been given, even if it’s not exactly what you wanted. When he’s an adult, he can decide if he wants to do anything about it.” CPSue
Another User Comments:
“My sister did the same thing with our great-grandmother’s sewing boxes. My mom gave us each one randomly but my sister was very jealous of the one I got. They are very different: mine is more ornamental but a (monetarily) worthless reproduction, hers is simpler but much older and an antique.
There is no comparing them! I was happy to have something from my great grandmother but my sister made a big stink about it for a while. Sadly this is just how she behaves and it might also be how your brother behaves.” Reinardd
7. AITJ For Suing My In-Laws To Reclaim The Truck My Husband Signed Over To Them?
“I F35 and my husband M36 were gifted a truck by my father last year to start our own Excavation business. This truck is a Dodge Diesel truck, used mostly for pulling heavy equipment. (This truck was not cheap but wasn’t brand new either.)
My husband got on substances and unfortunately, I had him arrested for DV. My plan initially was to file for divorce as this isn’t tolerated by family and most importantly, myself.
We live in the middle of nowhere and our truck broke down in our driveway.
One day, I was outside and a tow truck pulled up and started loading up our truck. The guys were my husband’s Ironworkers buddies and I told them to drop the truck and to get off my property as per my no trespassing signs.
They refused so I called the police. Turns out my husband had signed the title to our truck over to his mom and they sent these guys to come pick it up. I told the officer that I did not sign the title over but because it said OR and not AND on the title, it was legal and she could take the truck.
My husband ends up staying in jail for over a year and I continue for 6 months asking his mom for it back. I explained that I was having car trouble and that I needed it because I and my kids were snowed in for 2 weeks without the 4-wheel drive.
They wanted to fix the truck and I said no, if they could tow it back over and sign the title back, I would fix it. They agreed and the day before I was supposed to get it, they refused. They said they had fixed the truck and I owed them $800 and that I had to drive 2 hours away to come get the truck or they weren’t signing the title back over.
My husband called us from the jail and told them to sign the truck back over because he didn’t want me and the kids stranded without a vehicle. They told him and me that they would sign it back over, but refused.
I contacted a detective in my county who advised me to text them in a group text, saying they had until a set date to return to truck and title over, or I was filing with the courts.
They ignored me and the date came and went. 2 days later, I filed. It cost me over $200 to file. The date was set. We went to court and the only way I could get my truck back was to pay them the $800 and they wanted me to put insurance on it to drive it back to my house.
So, I did and they drove it over, signed over the title. I drove the truck for one week and it broke down again. The $800 was for them fixing the flywheel and putting 2 “new” batteries in it.
My mother-in-law texted me a couple of times asking about the kids.
I initially ignored her but I got so mad and went off on her and she still thinks she did nothing morally wrong. (She works at a Helping Hands church helping people in need). I ended up just blocking her and focusing on my kids and myself.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your in-laws are in the wrong. They should have just signed it back to you. Your husband is super in the wrong. Why are you still with him? Once he gets back home, if he’s not able to leave the bad situation alone this truck thing will be the tip of the iceberg.
And you are delulu that somehow it’s your in-law’s fault for this when your husband is the toxic match to this flame. Now you are out $1000 ($200 for suing and $800 for paying for bs “repairs”). Your question was AITJ for suing my in-laws. NTJ for that, if it made you feel better, but you didn’t have a leg to stand on because the sign-over was done legally.
But YTJ for the denial you are in about your husband and the blame you are heaping on the wrong people. Don’t keep in touch with your kids’ grandparents. They’re not kind people, and they weren’t trying to help you. What have you learned from this?
How to sign title to a vehicle for one (and not or) and hopefully don’t trust or keep your dear backstabbing hubby.” joosdeproon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother-in-law’s actions were unfair considering that the truck was a crucial tool for you and your kids to get by while your husband was in jail.
She was aware of your situation and still made it difficult for you to get the truck back, even after promising to return it. Charging you $800 and making you drive to pick it up after they took it without your consent sounds manipulative and disrespectful.
You did what you had to do to get back what was rightfully yours and setting boundaries by blocking her seems reasonable given how she handled the situation.” imalkrz
Another User Comments:
“Weirdly, everyone’s a jerk here. Everyone else in your story is a jerk for obvious reasons.
You’re a jerk because 100% of this is your husband’s fault – why are you suing MIL? Your husband signed it into her name – why? You already had it confirmed that this was legal for some reason. Why does MIL legally owe you a truck?
It sounds like your husband gave it to her. Now it is hers. Everything in this story is your husband’s fault, not your MIL’s.” FacetiousTomato
6. AITJ For Asking My Neighbor To Stop Storing Their Stroller On Our Bikes?
“We live in an apartment complex with a shared storage space for bikes. The bigger apartments have their own storage, and the smaller ones share one big space for bikes. Besides that, the smaller apartments have a bigger storage space inside of their apartments. We have one of the smaller apartments.
For a few months now, one of our neighbors has been storing their kid’s stroller literally on top of our bikes. It’s mostly on my partner’s bike, but it’s usually partly on my bike as well so if I take my bike out I have to take it off as well for safety.
I’ve taken it off a bunch of times now but they just keep putting it back. Even though there is enough space in the room to just store it on the ground. My partner and I don’t use our bikes that much so I’m guessing that’s why they do it, but I still think it’s just extremely weird and rude.
Besides that, I’m pretty short and the stroller is quite heavy so it’s always a bit difficult and painful to get it off.
WIBTJ if I asked them to stop doing it? We don’t use our bikes that much so I feel like maybe we should just let it go, but it’s also just not sitting right with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s incredibly rude. The only thing I can think is that they somehow believe that the spot where your bikes are is supposed to be their spot. Have you tried moving your bikes further away from the door, and leaving their stroller where your bikes were?
If they go past an empty spot to again put their stroller on top of your bikes, then they are being intentionally difficult. Unless the person placing the stroller thinks those bikes belong to their partner???” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take pictures every time you see this happening.
Inform management (with the pictures) that this has been happening and that you are concerned about damage to your belongings as well as injury to yourself every time you have to remove it. Also that you are concerned about being held liable if it gets damaged, either due to you removing it or if it happens to get damaged the owner(s) will claim it was you/your partner.
Even if you hardly use the bicycles, check the storage daily to see if it’s on the bikes. You may want to consider taking them out daily for a 30-minute to 1-hour “exercise” trip. If the stroller owner sees that your bikes are now being used daily, they may stop putting the stroller on top of the bikes.
My guess is that they’re putting the stroller on top of the bike to keep it off the floor where critters or other “icky stuff” (don’t ask me, I wouldn’t know what your neighbors would think is icky) would get on it.
In their mind, putting it up off the floor would keep it cleaner and safer for their kid. They just happened to notice that you hardly move your bikes, so they figured they could get away with this behavior.
Getting management involved may at least let you find out who is doing this.
You could also get some tiny cameras (if there are cameras that are small enough to be part of a USB plug without making the plug look weird, then there should be little ones you can get stand-alone) and attach them to the bikes to see who it is.
If anyone calls you out on it, you could pose it as you wanted to protect your bikes from theft when outside the storage area. It might be annoying to have phone alerts for anyone who would trigger the cameras, but it would at least net you who it is with the stroller.” ToriBethATX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Leave a note on it asking them not to place the stroller on the bikes. If they continue contact apartment management and let them deal with it. Tell them you are worried the stroller will damage your bikes and it is a storage area for bikes, not strollers.
Let them be the bad guys.” RedHolly
5. AITJ For Not Trusting My Mother To Pay More Rent?
“I (28/F) still live at home, with my mother. Mainly because housing is a joke, no houses available for newcomers on the market. I’m currently paying an estimated 80% of the rent, but just got the “announcement” that I will need to pay an extra €100 a month starting next year.
The €100 is an estimate of how much higher my salary will be.
I have a mentally disabled sister who doesn’t live at home. As far as things go regarding buying her necessities my mother ruined it so bad that my sister’s finances are being done by an administrative company that helps with paying bills and debt of people with mental disabilities.
Because of this, I’m the one paying for her phone/tablet/headphones/cables/etc. My mother only buys things she might want, but everything she needs is taken care of by me and the administrative company.
I’m basically paying 25% of my income to my mother, who works 2 jobs (not because she has to, but because she wants to).
I’m currently still paying off debts she made in my name. I tried to have a conversation about how it’s unfair for me to pay such a big part of the rent as I’m the one taking care of my own bills/groceries/etc. & I’m the one paying the yearly water bill.
Even with me paying her every month she still chooses not to pay bills so she can go on vacation or buy something unnecessary. I’ve told her that if she has trouble paying bills we would have to discuss her spending habits, but I got looked at like a traitor for even suggesting that.
I’m 1 year clear of paying all my debt and she’s only making more for herself.
Am I the jerk for not trusting her enough to pay more rent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is straight-up abuse. If it was just the rent it’d be one thing, but paying rent means you don’t pay the other bills and caring for your sister on top of it while your mother just has the house in her name because she’s older it’s absolutely absurd.
Honestly, I’d just stop paying rent until she changes her tune, it’d take a year for her to kick you out legally if you fought it smart, she can’t hold on that long, and even if she kicked you out who would pay her bills?” FlyingFightingType
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should never let someone else take a loan in your name, also just because you are earning a higher income doesn’t mean you should pay more rent, that’s just stupid. And if she cared about you and your sister, she wouldn’t go on vacations while her daughter is mentally disabled and her son pays 80% of the rent, the yearly water bill and for his groceries, and other bills.
Your mother is clearly a jerk, there is none of your fault here.” MysterY089
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d start only paying for my things (and sister’s if you want to) since she wants to abuse your money like that. You have no obligation to pay her extra money especially since you’re already paying for so many things.
If it were in a contract it would be different but since it’s not you have no obligation to anything. If I were you I’d look into leaving. You said housing is poor but I’m sure there’s apartments or something that you can find to get away.” Impressive_Way9259
4. AITJ For Not Staining The New Fence I Built For My Neighbor?
“I replaced the fence on all four sides of my house.
One of the sides backs up to a neighbor, I thought the fence was undoubtedly mine because the posts of the fence are on my side and it connected to the rest of the fence which is clearly mine.
However, as the fence contractor took it down, the neighbor came out panicked and asked why we were taking down their fence. We ultimately measured the property lines with a survey and the fence was built exactly on the property line between my house and theirs.
To keep the peace, I paid all costs to rebuild the fence promptly and it was complete within two days. I purchased materials and paid my fence contractor to build it exactly where it was and in the same style of fence. I then had my fence contractor build my new fence up against this fence but on my property line so I wouldn’t have any further issues.
(In my opinion, all fences should be built within one’s own property to avoid these issues…)
I thought that was sufficient, however, now the neighbor is pressing me to also pay to have the new fence we built them stained. The old fence was so old and falling over I hadn’t even noticed it was stained, but they claim it was stained on their side.
Thoughts? Do I need to pay to stain the fence as well?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My neighbors and I share a fence along our property line. Our side is professionally stained, they do not have their side stained and you can see how decrepit the fence looks on their side.
If they had taken the fence down without telling us and then left us to pay for restaining our fence, I’d be pretty upset. Is their fence stained on other parts of their property line? Or is this the only fencing they have on their property?” skempoz
Another User Comments:
“Wouldn’t staining it offer more wood protection? On both sides? Your investment. You might just need to stain it but let the neighbor know if you stain the side facing him, it’s the stain color you want. But otherwise, he is free to stain in a tint he wants on his side.
Likely best you stain it your way so when it needs to be stained again, you are free to ignore what he wants. Legally, no idea. Doubt he would go to small claims court. No idea if he could win having you take it down and put it on your side.” pensaha
Another User Comments:
“Can he prove he built the fence? Two of the fences bordering my yard have the smooth side facing and belong to the neighbors. The third has the posts on my side, and is mine. The fourth ’side’ are two gates that butt up to the house.
No fence company I know puts the post side FACING the neighbor – you need to be able to get to it, for repairs. I would seriously question if that guy REALLY owns that fence. There was an empty lot next to my house, and when they built a house on it, they offered to replace the fence for free.
They STILL put it with the posts on my side, and not the new owner.” JunkMail0604
3. AITJ For Telling My Wife Her Parents Will Die Someday?
“I (39 M) and my wife (36 F) have been together for 14 years and have what I consider a great marriage. We very rarely have arguments and in general, have a pretty good life.
My wife had a pretty good, middle-class childhood, no major issues other than the typical stuff you experience as you grow up. Her parents were loving and did the best they could for her and her brother. There are no buried secrets or hidden abuses.
Her parents are divorced but still on great terms with one another and with the family at large. They live about 1,200 miles away from us so we don’t see them as often as I would like. Her parents have always been there for us and on more than a few occasions have helped us financially when we needed it.
Honestly, they are a somewhat boring Hallmark channel family and I cherish it.
Shortly after getting married, my father passed away and my mother passed about a year later. I was very close to both of them and the loss was terrible. I often think about every time I didn’t pick up the phone to call them or would put off a visit because I’d “do it next time”.
My wife is really terrible about being in contact with her family, especially her parents. She just… doesn’t make an effort. I will often ask her if she has spoken to anyone and she just says “I will later” and then never does. Sometimes weeks go by and she won’t reach out to them at all.
Her mother made a comment once that she knows everyone is busy but she wished her children would reach out a little more. It drives me crazy that she just doesn’t try- there is no reason. I could understand if they had been bad parents or had done something to her but that isn’t the case.
When I ask her why she won’t do it she says she doesn’t need to.
I told her a few weeks ago that I encouraged her to speak to her parents because I miss mine terribly and I really regret every missed opportunity. I just don’t want her to have the same regrets.
She said just doesn’t feel that way and kinda moved on without saying much more.
Her parents sent us some money to cover an unexpected medical bill and I thanked them but told my wife she really should reach out and at least say thank you.
She said she would “later”. I am embarrassed to say that I got angry and said “You know, they’ll be dead someday and there won’t be a later!” She began crying and told me that I was cruel and should never have said something like that.
I apologized to her profusely and again told her I just have my own baggage from my parents and it gets to me sometimes. I told her I just wanted her to use the chances she has now. She told me she would never be able to forgive me and that she would always “think about how cruel” I was to her.
I know I messed up but I still don’t understand why she can’t just speak to her parents. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I know I have to give a judgment but I feel like neither of you is a jerk. So I’ll say no jerks here.
I lost and miss my dad so much, I was living away from him and my mum and I regret not coming home more. Not spending more time with him. I can’t make someone feel the way I do, and I get where you are coming from, but life does get in the way and maybe that’s just the way your wife is.
My thought is that you should call, sounds like you have a good relationship with them. Maybe if your wife sees you calling and chatting away with her mum and dad, she’ll talk to them more. Lead by example, my friend… it’s not weird to give them a call and ask how they are, talk to her pop about football or something he enjoys.
Might be helpful for you too to connect.” Andr3aJones13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she couldn’t even call and say “thank you” for the assistance? Checking in occasionally is nice but not calling and thanking them for their recent help is classless. And flipping it on you saying you’re the jerk for saying they won’t be around forever?
Jerk behavior. Maybe you were crass the way you told her, but maybe she needs a wake-up call, sometimes the blunt truth is the only way it registers. I bet when that time comes, she’s gonna be the first to cry about how unfair it was that she didn’t get to spend more time with them.
Have a sibling that was the same way, then when my parents passed they cried about not getting to spend more time with them, even though they literally drove by my parents’ house every day on the way to work. I told them they had every chance, but never did, so STFU.
Of course I was the jerk for saying that, but I don’t care.” Common_Bill_4222
2. AITJ For Choosing To Stay With My Grandparents Over My Dad And Stepsister For The Holidays?
“I (18f) started college a few months ago and I moved out of my dad’s house over the summer. Dad assumed that for the holidays and summer, I would come back home to stay with him, his wife, and my stepsister (7f). But after thinking it over since September I decided to speak to my grandparents, my dad’s parents, and asked if I could spend the holidays with them and they said yes.
My dad’s upset about this and so is my stepsister. My dad’s wife is plain old mad at me though.
I have a reason I decided this. I was 14 when my dad and his wife got married and we moved in together 2 months before the wedding.
At that point, my stepsister was 3 and we had to share a bedroom until I moved out. If I go back to Dad’s place I’ll be forced to share a room with her again and I don’t want that. I resented it when I still lived there and it made things awkward.
Since they don’t have another room that could double as a bedroom I’d only have that option if I stayed there.
Last week my dad mentioned me coming home again and I told him what I’d decided to do instead. He was like why would you do that, this is your home and I told him I’d be more comfortable with my grandparents since there’s more space for me and a room to myself.
He told me my room was still there for me too and I told him a room that I would be sharing with a young kid. My dad’s wife was in the background and could hear what we were saying and when dad and I finished talking she called me up and she told me the fact I said a really young kid and not my sister spoke about what this was really about and she told me I couldn’t make it any clearer that I want to avoid her daughter and then she told me her daughter would be so upset.
A couple of days ago then my dad put my stepsister on the phone and she was asking if I was really not coming to stay and she started to cry and said she’d missed me and wanted to sleep in the room with me again.
I told her I was sorry but that couldn’t happen. My dad’s wife tried to get my grandparents to agree to let my stepsister stay some nights I was there but they said no.
The whole thing has become such a mess.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! No way should you be obligated to share space with a 7-year-old. Had you been close to her, then it would have been a different story but since you are not, you standing your ground is appropriate. 1) Tell your father this is not what you want.
2) This isn’t a mandate where you have to forcibly stay with them. 3) You are more comfortable with your grandparents and your father should accept that. 4) It is in your best interest to stay away from your step-sister and dad’s wife. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.” BoredofBin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father and stepmother should have been tempering her expectations, and explaining to her that teenagers want privacy, she’ll understand it better when she’s older, and that maybe for next year, they can figure out a solution that gives you privacy while still letting you visit.
Unfortunately, as we see too often, it appears that instead of trying to mitigate the situation, they were actively using it in a bizarre attempt to create their image of a pseudo-happy family. The fact that these attempts to force things inevitably result in worse relationships among step-families is just a sad reality.
And very definitely makes them the jerks.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The grandparents are a much better option for you and I’m glad you have that option. Watch for the flying monkeys – others that your parents send to try to guilt you into staying with them.
Tell them that you don’t want to room with a child and that you decline to be the built-in babysitter for your stepmom. I’ll bet that babysitting is the reason for stepmom being upset. Congrats on completing that first semester. I hope you continue all the way through.” LabInner262
1. AITJ For Excluding My Stepmom From My Life Events To Avoid Upsetting My Bio Mom?
“I (22f) am wondering if I’m the jerk. My stepmom (who married my dad) isn’t a bad person and we have a good relationship, but I didn’t want to upset my mom so when it was Mother’s Day, my graduation, or any event, I didn’t invite her because I didn’t want to upset my mom and I love spending time with her (this upset my stepmom).
My fiance proposed to me 6 months ago, and it’s my wedding but I don’t want to invite or include my stepmother to avoid making my bio mom uncomfortable. When I told my stepmother, she just responded “Oh” and walked off.
(My stepmother has been in my life since I was 8 (she and my dad met 2 years after my parents divorced).
I thought she was ok with it, but I heard her cry to my dad about how excluded I make her feel, she’s not trying to replace my mom and she was being friendly. My siblings are on my side, but my friends told me I was harsh.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You say you have a good relationship with your stepmother, but then you say you heard her cry when you didn’t invite her – I suspect that she would not say you have a good relationship. You’ve been excluding her from every event since you were 8 years old, all because you are afraid of upsetting your mother, but you have absolutely no qualms about upsetting your stepmother (or your father).
It’s obvious whose side you (and your siblings) took in the divorce. And you freely admit she has been nothing but nice to you. At this point, I think no one would blame her if she wanted nothing more to do with you. She has spent all these years trying to be nice to you and you keep giving her the cold shoulder and making it clear you don’t consider her family, or even that you want her around.
The only reason you think she was OK with it is because she is too polite to tell you how she really feels and that you have no empathy towards the woman.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you claim you have a good relationship with your stepmom but then she isn’t welcome in any big event in your life because you don’t want to upset your mom.
Stop. Just stop. You either do, or you don’t have a good relationship. By excluding her from everything, you’re showing her that she isn’t that important in your life. Your mom is an adult, she has to get over the fact your dad moved on after her.
You’re punishing your stepmom to make your mom happy. All you’re doing is going, “yeah you married my dad, that’s great, but you don’t matter enough in my life to involve you because it might make my mom upset that my dad is happy so bugger off.”” whitewer
Another User Comments:
“Whoa! “Feel excluded”? The way I read it, you’ve been excluding her from any and all events that take place in your life. Do you think she feels excluded? She has been excluded from practically everything – even while you state she’s been nothing but nice to you and your siblings.
As a stepdad myself, trying to be the best example I can be for my stepdaughter as well as giving her the best care I possibly can as a parent, this is rather hurtful to read. OP, YTJ. If I was in her shoes, I would cut all contact with you as soon as you moved out.
You’re lucky she hasn’t, as she seems to give you chance after chance to make her part of your life. Yes, that includes all those important events. Invite her to your wedding.” Dork86
