People Read Into These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Walking My Daughter Down The Aisle Instead Of My Husband?
“I have two children with my late ex Colin. My son is now 27 and my daughter is now 25. Colin and I broke up while I was pregnant with our daughter.
But he remained a part of their lives until his passing just 6 months after our daughter was born. We hadn’t worked out as partners. But we got along okay. They were just very different people who couldn’t make a relationship work and had kids very early in our relationship.
Colin’s family was in my children’s lives from the start and remained a part of their lives long after he was gone. We never got along but they adored my children and my children loved them in return. Their favorite thing was the week they spent with his family each summer.
When my daughter was 7 and my son was 9 I met my husband. We married after 2.5 years of being together and we had already lived together for a year. My husband has no children of his own. We had none together. He was a very loving stepdad to my kids.
My kids and him have a nice relationship but neither of them called him dad and neither wanted to be adopted by him… which did come up a year into our marriage. He asked. I wanted to find out what the children wanted and spoke to them.
They said no. This was not something they later asked for or wanted.
My daughter is getting married next year and she asked me if I would walk her down the aisle. I immediately said yes and was so moved by the fact she felt I was the best and only, person for the job.
She even told me how much it meant to her that I never erased her dad when we weren’t even together when he passed. She said I always put them first and I had been the best mom. I cried so hard. She asked her brother to dance with her in honor of their dad.
My husband was upset he wasn’t asked to walk her alongside me. And he was hurt that I accepted without suggesting we should both do it. I explained that my daughter had her reasons to ask me. Then he mentioned the dance in honor of her dad and how she wasn’t even doing that with him.
I told him I was sorry he was feeling so hurt. He told me he felt like all the little things she asked him to do were just a way to keep the peace instead of her truly wanting him to have a role in her wedding.
I’m still not sure what these things were, and I did ask, but he wasn’t happy about them. He told me I should take a stand and insist he be included or I don’t walk her down the aisle. I told him I wasn’t willing to let my daughter down or myself.
I told him it was very special to me and my daughter. He told me I’m not honoring our vows if I do this.
WIBTJ if I walk her down the aisle?”
Another User Comments:
“Completely NTJ!! For my wedding, I asked my mother to be my matron of honor because frankly, she was an incredible mother.
My parents were separated since I was a child, Dad walked me down the aisle but I wanted a special place for Mum. If this is how your daughter wants to honor you at her wedding, you should let her, and know how special your relationship is.
Ask your husband, if he were to do this, what role he thinks you should have. I’m genuinely curious as to his logic here…” DgShwgrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s your daughter’s choice and her wedding. I can understand why he would be hurt, but for whatever reason he never bonded with your daughter in that way and she doesn’t see him as a father figure.
Strangely, both of your kids don’t seem to be close to him despite him being around since they were pretty young. Did you ask them why they didn’t want to be adopted or talked to them recently about him? TBH his reaction to this isn’t the best look and may hint at more.” Wild_Ad4599
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is misogynistic. I love that your husband has been so willing to love your children, that’s awesome! But what about you? Why shouldn’t you be allowed to walk your daughter down the aisle? Why should he have the privilege?
And he’s being incredibly rude to his stepchildren. They can love him and still not see him as their dad. He’s being disrespectful to both you and your kids. This is a sad hill to die on for him.” glorious_echidna
18. AITJ For Causing A Scene After My Family Ignored My Birthday Wishes?
“I have ADHD and really struggle with social events and unfortunately still live with my parents at 30. I’ve never had good birthdays so I’ve been very clear with family and friends that all I want is a “happy birthday” text, no dinner, no gifts, no cake.
If there has to be a dinner, all I want (as I have for over 10 years now) is a pepperoni pizza from Domino (my comfort food) and minimal social contact.
Anyway, for the past 5 years, I’ve been incredibly vocal about this desire, and every year they schedule a family dinner without asking me and don’t tell me till the day of.
It’s always roast beef and potatoes; the same meal we’ve had at every family event for the past 25 years straight. Every year I tell them I don’t want cake, and that I would have preferred pizza if it’s “my birthday meal”.
This year, I was told as my family was walking in the door we were having a birthday dinner (context: I need 24+ hours notice for social gatherings to be able to mentally prep for minimal burnout after) and barely had enough time to even have a shower.
I got a bit snippy during dinner and told them it wasn’t my birthday dinner because this is none of the things I like (they even chose the one form of corn I don’t like). Everyone ignored me, even cracking a few jokes about the fact I wanted pizza instead of a home-cooked roast. I barely ate and left after about 20 minutes at the table and secluded myself in my room (not without a few comments from the peanut gallery first about leaving the table).
An hour later I get summoned back because it’s cake time even though I just told them I didn’t want any. I took a minute to compose myself with the intent of just getting a slice to keep peace, but when I got to the kitchen they had already cut it and were eating the cake without me.
This is where I might be the jerk, because as soon as I saw that they didn’t even wait for me (they started dinner while I was in the shower too), any composure I had went out the window and I interrupted their conversation to tell them I don’t want “their” cake and start explaining why I’m upset and that none of this was actually for me.
Then my sister interrupted me “Even if you don’t eat the cake you’re still getting older” and my other sister said “It’s just dinner then! Not birthday dinner!” effectively saying I’m old and cranky and pretending I have no grounds to be upset. So I responded with “Well enjoy your dessert then” and left. (Additional context: I was told several times beforehand it was my birthday dinner despite it being several days before my real birthday).
Now both of my sisters are mad at me for causing a scene “over cake”. And I feel like even more garbage for standing up for myself than I would if I’d just suffered quietly.
AITJ for causing a scene and calling out everyone for blatantly ignoring my Birthday wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your birthday is just an excuse for the more social family members to get together and do what they like while ignoring that it’s not how you want to celebrate your birthday. Honestly, I’d make myself unavailable in the future, I’d go for a pizza and a movie on my own and go home late.
You can tell your sisters you didn’t cause a scene over the cake, you caused a scene because while everyone was lying and saying it was for your birthday they did the cake cutting while you weren’t even in the room – very clearly sending the message that it wasn’t a birthday cake, it was just another excuse the family used to have a get together while excluding you.” Tree_Chemistry_Plz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve set your boundaries and told them several times what you want. It’s your birthday and if they get upset over you expressing that this goes against your set boundaries, then that’s on them. I go through a similar hurdle every birthday (forced into a family dinner even if I’m an adult and live on my own, even if I say that I do not want anything), so I 100% see and understand why this is so aggravating.” Unlucky-Gift-9360
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Next year, don’t be at home and turn off your phone. Go to a hotel or a friend’s house. I know I would have no problems having a friend over to have some pizza and downtime. Don’t tell your family. Just leave sometime in the afternoon and don’t come back until the day after.
When they confront you, just ask when they scheduled with you, since it’s your birthday and you had a friend invitation first.” Technical_Lawbster
17. AITJ For Leaving My Toxic Mother After She Verbally Mistreated Me?
“I (27F), have a toxic family. I know this.
Admittedly, I have played into the cycle in the sense that all I ever wanted to do was make my mother (55F) proud of me. At all costs.
Since I was 18, I was forfeiting portions of my paychecks to my mom to cover the expenses lost from child support since I aged out of it.
As I got older, I’d continue to give her money for various reasons (a few that come to mind are how I dropped like 300 bucks during a difficult time to get a bidet so she wouldn’t have to fight for toilet paper). I was never mad about giving money.
If anything, I liked being helpful.
(No, my mom doesn’t work, can’t work due to an injury, and when we’ve asked about WFH jobs, she simply says she’s “too old to figure out how computers work now” and won’t do it).
Flash forward to last year. I got a really good job where I was making great money (abt 2500 each payday) and I was able to save up well and support her. I was really happy. And then I unexpectedly lost my job earlier this year, which forced me to look for emergency work.
The job I have now, I’m lucky to make 900 after taxes. And yet I still gave her up to half of my paychecks to make sure she had what she needed.
My mom ended up leaving to go see my grandfather (85M) in another state because he was sick.
She left in an RV with my aunt (58F) (which I paid for, gas, repairs, inspection, etc, on this meager paycheck) and has been gone for two months. I’ve told her I was planning to move out there with her, but between supplementing her and such, it would take me a long time to save up and get there.
Last night she ripped into me about how I abandoned her out there, how I’m selfish and a failure of a daughter, a horrible person, I was okay with her being by herself, and how she failed to raise me. I was on the phone for two hours, stuck in an emotionally / verbally abusive cycle of “hang up, I don’t wanna talk to you anymore” and “Oh, so you’re just gonna hang up?
You’re just gonna go? Am I wasting your time that much?”
In the call, she told me that she was coming back to the state here to collect her belongings and move back to my grandpa permanently and that I better not be here when she gets back.
So fine. My heart broke and I’m packing my things to go move in with my fiancé (who I have not already lived with due to religious reasons, but desperate times call for desperate measures) in a few days.
I need to know because, in the last few days, I’ve kept being told how I’m a horrible person and how I abandoned her, how I should’ve sold my belongings to move out there with her.
After all, she was alone and needed me. AITJ? Did I abandon her? Did I screw up? And will my leaving make things worse?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are two kinds of parents. Those who will do everything for their kids, and those who want everything from their kids.
(In reality,y most people fall somewhere between the two) Your mother, however, is very strongly the latter. She is a narcissist, and I think if you go to r/entitledparents, you will find more stories and possibly better advice on dealing with the psychological trauma and ways to deal with the guilt your mother gave you.
I need you to know that it’s not your fault, extreme narcissists simply can not love anyone more than themselves. You trying to get her love is one, a waste of your time, and two, a lack of value in yourself. Why isn’t she looking for your love?
Why isn’t she worried about what you think of her? Narcissists take advantage of psychological imbalances in which you seek love, but they care for control.” Sea-Strategy-8815
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is an emotionally manipulative user. You already know your family is toxic.
You already know you shouldn’t be giving her money. What you *should* be doing is cutting off all contact with her. It is *not* your responsibility or duty to take care of your parents and it never was. That goes for anyone. Why do you want to make a person that treats you like this happy?
This is not how a mother should act towards a child. Please, OP, get out. As soon as you can. Change your phone number, move to another address.” BlackFenrir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve done a lot for your mother, and it’s clear you’ve tried to be there for her.
However, you also deserve to take care of yourself and pursue a healthy, supportive relationship with your fiancé, your mother’s reactions may stem from her own issues but that doesn’t mean you are responsible for her happiness or well-being. Moving out could be a positive step for you, and it may help you set healthier boundaries in the future” thoniaberry
16. AITJ For Choosing To Leave My Dad In The US To Care For My Sick Mom In Asia?
“I (30F) choose to leave my dad (70M) to go back to take care of my sick mom(61F)?
To give context, I grew up with my mom in Asia. My dad and mom are in a long-distance relationship. They were never married but my dad has always showered me with everything I want and need. I lived with a gold spoon in my mouth and never really struggled. I graduated in 2019 and passed my board exam in my home country but the salary for my occupation wasn’t that high.
My dad suggested I come work in the US, but to do that, I had to study for a few more years because of the different curriculum. My mom, knowing I’d have more opportunities in the US, agreed.
My life in the US was nice.
I get to experience the other half of me. The culture I never really experienced. My dad paid for college and my apartment, he also gave me an allowance because he wanted me to focus on my school work instead of working part-time. He’s a really good dad and sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve him.
During a difficult time, my mom has acquired kidney failure and has to undergo dialysis. This broke my heart knowing that I am far away when she’s sick; I am an only child so knowing she’s dealing with that all alone pains me.
Even going against my dad’s wishes, I did part-time jobs to send my mom funds because her treatments and medication cost a lot.
Fast forward to August of this year, my mom’s condition worsened. She was in and out of the hospital and started vomiting blood.
She only had a caregiver next to her and I couldn’t bear the thought of her not having me next to her. So I told my dad I was going home.
At this point, I had already graduated from an American university and was getting ready to take the board exams.
My dad got mad at me saying I don’t belong in the Philippines and that I should just start working instead of going back. He even threatened to cut me off if I left for my home country. I have saved a lot through the years of part-time and not having to pay for my apartment so I had funds for the plane ticket and my living expenses for a few months.
My dad didn’t understand why I had to leave. He knows what happened to my mom and it disappoints me he cared so little of her.
So, my dad never agreed to me leaving, but I knew I was running out of time. I booked the first flight home.
Now my dad’s blowing up my phone, calling me ungrateful and stupid to be leaving all of it behind.
So does going home without his approval make me a jerk? I’m 30 years old but in Asia or in the country I grew up in, it doesn’t matter how old a child gets, parents always have to be right, so it’s making me feel guilty.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are an exceptional daughter, and please don’t feel like you did wrong. You seem to be your mother’s only support, and no amount of funds can override that. Certainly, you can still be grateful to your father, but his lack of concern for your mother is disturbing.
If you ignored your mother’s very real needs, you would probably regret it for the rest of your life. You can always resume your studies. Good luck to you, dear.” Humblefreindly
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is wrong. Would he feel the same if the situation were reversed and it was he who was possibly on his deathbed?
I get that he feels you’ve spent a lot of time and he’s spent a lot of funds getting you through US schooling but none of that is more important than being with your mom right now. It seems he doesn’t care about her as much as he claims but you’re NTJ” TaylorMade2566
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 1. you’re not turning your back on him or his gifts, you’re going home to help your mom for a while. 2. You’re a grown woman, you can do whatever you want. It’s your life to live. 3. Sounds like he just needs to understand this isn’t necessarily a permanent change in your life and that you may be able to come back.
At the end of the day, the only person who can live your life is you. You have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and accept the person you see looking back at you.” Demented-Alpaca
15. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister After She Got Crazy At A Charity Event?
“I am president of a sorority at my uni. I got into the sorority freshman year and have been president since my sophomore year. Ever since I was president my mom and dad have told my sister that she should rush and join our sorority.
I’ve always told her that she is welcome to rush but I cannot confirm or deny she will get in because I don’t want to be accused of nepotism. My sister rushed this year and was doing well and a lot of my sisters liked her and told me how much they liked her.
Since I know people will ask: I was not involved in her rush at all and let everyone know that nothing to do with her I wasn’t be involved since I wanted to avoid my biases affecting her rush results, and she was pledged without my help.
At an August charity event, my sister was one of the people who was there to set up. It was a heels race to raise money for a breast cancer foundation we frequently donate to. My sister ended up getting, I am not exaggerating, extremely intoxicated at this charity event and I got multiple complaints about her after the event because she threw up in front of a large group of people and then had to be dragged away crying.
Someone from the fraternity we were doing the event with recorded her and posted it on Yikyak. It was like the Cassie hot tub scene from Euphoria. I had to leave the event early because of an emergency with my car and I didn’t see the video or hear about it until the morning after.
I called her into standards immediately. My sister in charge of standards and the drop process let me know they had let her know that she would be meeting with me, and she had been MIA and not responding until she showed up to the meeting about 20 minutes late.
This is where I feel bad. I told her that she was a complete idiot for day drinking and being underage while at a literal breast cancer charity event. I just yelled at her and told her how this makes the entire sorority look particularly bad because she’s the president’s younger sister.
I told her she had to move out of the house, and she was dropped effective immediately. I was so upset, I don’t even remember all that I said, only that I yelled at her. My parents called me later that week and told me how could I betray my sister like that.
I do think that her behavior warranted her getting dropped, but I didn’t set up any meetings to discuss with my sisters, and I didn’t ask her what happened. I just saw the video and heard what happened and called her in. My sister is also telling people on campus that people get scolded in person when they get dropped from our house, which has never happened before as far as I know outside of her.
I feel as though I could have gone about it more officially, but I was reassured by my sisters that they would have done the same in my situation. AITJ for yelling at my sister after she got intoxicated at a charity event?”
Another User Comments:
“Got to agree, YTJ – not necessarily for kicking her out (if that’s what should happen for this infraction) but by the way you went about it. You ensured that she wouldn’t get any benefit from being related to you, then went ahead and gave her the disadvantage of being related to you.
Ask yourself- would you act in the same way if another one of your sorority sisters did this? If the answer is “yes”, then you are simply unprofessional. If the answer is “no” then you are a hypocrite.” DirectConversation48
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Well, you reached your goal of making sure she had no benefits from being your sister.
She had it worse. In your own words, you viewed her actions through the lens of “particularly bad as Pres’ younger sister.” Your thoughts were all about yourself. Instead of asking her if she was okay, and talking through how to avoid this in the future, you jumped right to kicking her out.
How does that help her? Is there any way to let her pledge again? She is a freshman at the start of school. One bad day does not mean she’s stuck there.” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand why you were involved at all.
So you were careful to stay out of her joining because you’re related, but when it comes to tossing her out on her butt you were happy to do that personally YTJ for not removing yourself from the situation completely and letting the rest of the people in charge decide what to do.
Doubly a jerk for throwing a tantrum about it I hope you don’t need anything from your sister anytime soon since you kinda burned that bridge Also the sorority rep will be fine but that doesn’t mean yours will personally if your sister is telling people *who* pitched a fit at her” azure275
14. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Housemate's Partner Move In Without My Consent?
“A little background, this friend I bought a house with and I have known each other for almost 20 years now.
Last year, we decided it was in our financial best interest to get a house. Before we had even closed, I agreed that one of the spare bedrooms could be rented out by her on-again-off-again partner of about 12 years. I know him, he has a steady job and is a nice guy.
Three adult incomes lessen the financial burden of a mortgage these days, so we could focus on saving.
I will say this not from a place of judgment but from one of conveying all of the facts: this friend does not consider herself polyamorous but in her relationship with her partner, she is allowed to see women and not have it be considered “unfaithful”.
He has, however, in private, referred to it as being unfaithful. Meanwhile, I have known her long enough to have seen her cycle through at LEAST four relationships with women where it is casual, then intense and serious, and then they break up.
This year, this friend has been seeing a new girl since May.
This friend and I typically talk every day. I find it annoying when she’s in these relationships, so we hang out a lot less. Previously, she’s referred to these women she’s seen in the past as her wife. None have lived with her. So I think little of it.
This all came to a head a few days ago when I was home alone and (not for the first time) this partner who does not live in our house came in unannounced. I texted my friend and asked why her guest was in our home when she was not.
To which she responded that that was her wife who was always doing things for her so “of course she’s gonna be around but has a lease til May”. Which I realized was an implication that, without so much as bringing this to me as a discussion, she intended to move this girl into the house.
A fight ensued where I insisted that the house belongs to both of us and whoever lives here has to be spoken about and decided by both of us. To which she replied -and this is the exact quote- “We have a 30-year mortgage did you just assume I would live alone?” To which I will remind the dear reader that her partner currently lives in the bedroom next to mine.
Infuriated mostly by what has been a complete disregard for me as a person, a so-called friend, and most importantly an owner of the house, I looked into the laws in PA and found that the law is on my side and that, regardless of marital status (whether or not that’s real idgaf) the property owners have to agree on who lives in the house.
Obviously from her perspective, I’m being unreasonable and mean, but I’m interested if people who are not involved at all in this would also see it that way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would say hey come with me and take her to her partner’s room and point and say who’s partner is this?
Why do you get to pack the house with people with no care or consideration for me? And somehow I’m unreasonable. I know this person; I get along with this person; I trust this person…these are things that need to be there for me to agree to have a person move in.
If you thought you could just willy-nilly move people in without my permission, you should not have bought a property with me. It works the same for me. I can’t just move people in without your permission as well.” AdOne6099
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, of course, you both have to decide together who lives there.
I understand why you don‘t want her to live there with you especially when the partner lives there too as this might lead to stress and negative vibes in your own home. Just wondering why you feel so negative about the woman your friend is seeing.
What exactly annoys you about it?” Background_Storm6209
13. AITJ For Wanting An Apology From My Partner's Sister For Ruining Our Vacation Plans?
“I (32F) have been with my partner (31M) for a little over two and a half years now. He is a loving and caring partner; his family, though generally nice to me, are extremely verbally abusive toward each other (mainly his father and his older sister).
His father even threatened to physically hurt his mother once.
This doesn’t sit right with me. I know it’s not my place to change their dynamics, and I understand that we should love people as they are and that no one chooses their family. However, mistreatment toward women is a big no-no for me.
So, I talked to my partner about it, explaining why I wanted to keep some distance from them. He got furious at his father and started ranting about him to me.
Fast forward to this summer: We all live in Paris, France, his family however owns a small beach house (322 ft²) that my partner was eager to take me to, so he announced to his family earlier this year that he “reserved” the house for us.
They also inherited a larger flat, a 10-minute walk from the house. The parents announced they would stay in the flat with a couple of friends while we stayed at the beach house. A couple of days later my partner’s sister announced that she was also coming with her parents to the flat.
Then, just two days before our departure, the sister informed my partner that she, her husband, their 3-year-old son, and their cat would all be joining us in the beach house as they could no longer stay in the flat. My partner was (rightfully) upset, and so was I.
My summer plans were completely ruined. We quickly booked another hotel in a different city for the week, which I hated having to do. We ended up driving back and forth to his parent’s place and having dinner with the whole family.
During dinner, his sister apologized to him.
I was seated in front of my partner, and she was next to him. She said, “I’m sorry, A” (A being my partner’s initial) three times. Not once did she apologize to me—neither she nor her husband. He brushed the whole thing off, and now he just wants everything to go back to normal. After the summer vacation was done, we all got back to our city, last weekend, he went to his parents’ place, where his sister and her family were also invited for lunch.
I declined the invitation and told him that I needed an apology, at least from his sister.
He changed the subject and started telling me how hurt he felt when he showed up alone at his parents’ house. He didn’t want to stir up more problems in his family, and they apologized and promised it would never happen again.
I, however, still feel I need a form of apology from his sister because I too suffered from her non-organisation! On the other hand, I feel awful for making him feel bad.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. If you wanted an apology why didn’t you speak up at dinner?
Why in the world do you want to get involved with this family? They sound awful and your partner seems like the trauma of living with them has dissolved his backbone.” IHaveBoxerDogs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you and your partner both had your plans ruined. His sister should apologize to you and acknowledge that she did you dirty too.
Your partner should also realize that his sister blatantly ignored you and that type of behaviour is problematic and childish. He should tell his sister that you are his partner and you are owed an apology. You shouldn’t feel guilt-tripped into going to a place where you feel unwelcome just because it makes your partner uncomfortable.
He needs to put himself in your shoes and stand up to his family” LowAd815.
12. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Sister's Wedding And Keeping Our Family Heirloom?
“I (32F) lost my wife, Lily (30F), two years ago in a driving accident. Losing her shattered my world, and I’ve been trying to pick up the pieces ever since.
My family, though, has never really understood what I’ve been going through. To be honest, they never fully accepted my marriage to Lily in the first place.
When we got married, my grandma gave me a necklace that’s been passed down in our family for generations.
It’s a tradition that the women in the family get it when they marry, and it meant the world to me because it felt like one of the few times my marriage to Lily was recognized as real. Since Lily passed, my sister Emma (28F), who’s always been the golden child, has been eyeing the necklace.
She’s getting married soon and recently mentioned how, now that I’m “not married anymore,” I should pass it on to her.
That was hard to hear, but what broke me happened last week at a family dinner. We were talking about her wedding, and she made a joke about setting me up with one of her fiancé Luke’s (35M) friends.
I felt uncomfortable but tried to brush it off. Then she said, “At least Lily won’t be there to haunt you if you hook up with someone!”
I couldn’t believe she said that. I didn’t even know how to react—I just sat there.
Later, when I told her how hurtful it was, she rolled her eyes and told me I was being “too sensitive,” and that I needed to stop being “so depressing” and “lighten up.” Then she brought up one of her bridesmaids, Sarah, who had a crush on me even when Lily was alive, and suggested I “have some fun” with her at the wedding.
As if my wife hadn’t mattered.
I told her there was no way I could come to the wedding if that’s how she felt about Lily and my grief. Things escalated from there. Emma accused me of being “dramatic” and said I was ruining her big day over “one little joke.” My parents took her side, saying I should just let it go and show up to support my sister.
They even mentioned again how I should give Emma the family necklace, saying that since I’m “not using it anymore,” it should go to her now.
Since then, I’ve been bombarded with calls from my parents, Emma, and even Luke. They’ve all told me I’m selfish, that I need to “move on” and stop holding onto the past. Luke even said I should be grateful my family didn’t disown me when I came out, as if I owe them something for barely tolerating me.
Now, I’m questioning everything. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to go to her wedding after all this? Part of me wonders if I should just suck it up and go, but another part of me can’t believe how little my family seems to care about Lily, or me, for that matter.
Sorry if this is a bit rambling—I’ve had a few drinks and I’m still trying to process everything. There’s more to this, but I’m running out of space. AITJ for refusing to go to the wedding and keeping the family necklace, or should I just give in to keep the peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Please put the necklace in a safe deposit box at a bank so no one can steal it from you. And make other plans (weekend away or time with a couple of friends) instead of attending the wedding. Message a family member to let them know that you’re safe but won’t be attending Emma’s wedding due to her poor treatment of you. Then, immediately turn your phone completely off for the entire weekend.” Teresa’s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – no one should force you out of grief and mourning. Only you can determine when you are ready to move on. Your family is being complete jerks because what they are telling you with this is that they have no more room for you to deal with the loss of your wife, which is appalling.
Your sister is a jerk for obvious reasons, but your parents are too because they have decided that it is easier to try and push you out of mourning than it is to admonish your sister who has a wedding coming up. They’ve probably put a lot of money into the wedding and don’t want to chance at being uninvited should they side with you, OP.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I wanna give you a big hug!” Roderick567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grieving the loss of a spouse is a deeply personal and painful process, and it’s incredibly unfair for anyone to expect you to move on according to their timeline or comfort level.
The comments from your sister were beyond insensitive—they were cruel and dismissive of your feelings. The necklace was given to you as a recognition of your marriage, and it remains yours to honor your relationship with Lily. It’s entirely reasonable for you to skip the wedding if you feel disrespected and hurt.
Family should be a source of support, not additional pain.” StudentAdmirable6302
11. AITJ For Uninviting My Mother To My College Graduation After She Missed My High School One?
“Recently, I have been constantly arguing with my mother over my college advances, hurtful things have been said. Out of the blue she mentioned being excited about my college graduation, something about it just made me snap. I told her she wasn’t invited, but it’s not like she’d care anyway since she skipped my high school graduation.
She was dumbfounded for a moment before starting yet another screaming match.
For context, in my country high school graduations don’t get huge celebrations. Some fancier schools rent special halls to host solemn roll calls for their graduates, so my school decided to do this.
We were told a month prior that a celebration would be held, but the reservation was done last minute so we didn’t know the time and place until a week before the event.
I told my mother about my upcoming high school graduation a month in advance, but couldn’t give her the time and place until a week before.
I let her know as soon as I got the information, but she told me that she had a meeting with a friend planned for the same day. I asked her to please reschedule. She said that she’d see what she could do, but that it was important.
According to her, it was work-related, but she didn’t specify.
On the day of my graduation, when I got to the hall in the afternoon she was already there, looking kind of mad and impatient. Our seats were separated for the convenience of getting up later and collecting the diploma on stage.
The speeches were dragging out quite a bit, but the school board organized small musical numbers for the entertainment of the guests. Finally, the moment of handing out diplomas came. My name was called and I got up to join the rest of my class on stage.
I was really happy until I looked at my mother’s seat. It was empty, she left without a word. I was holding back tears throughout all the pictures. When I got back home my mom was already there, drinking coffee and gossiping with her friend.
I ignored them and went to my room. For the rest of the evening, I heard them laughing until the friend left.
Finally, she took an interest in me and asked to see the diploma. I asked her why she left before the handouts. She said that I knew that she had an „important meeting” with her friend, so she left to meet her, and that the speeches were boring and dragged out anyway.
I was too exhausted to make a fuss at this point, so I just said „ok”.
Going back, between the screams I told her that it was her fault for missing my first graduation, she made her choice and she didn’t deserve to see the second one.
She said that I was being unfair, it was my fault that she missed it, I didn’t tell her about it soon enough and she just couldn’t change the plans. Am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not a jerk.
If you’re not comfortable with her being there that’s your choice. Her visiting with a friend during your graduation is not acceptable. Hopefully, you’ll have other family members or friends there for your college graduation.” Archie3874
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother was more interested in her meeting with a friend than in seeing you graduate high school.
Now that you are graduating college she wants to be there for the reflected glory. Considering her behavior, I wouldn’t want her around my graduation, or my life. Screaming at you is abusive, not the sign of a decent parent who cares about her child.” solitarybydesign
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I was in this same scenario. I have a parent who has never attended one of my three graduation ceremonies. When I bring it up, they get defensive and say they were there, I just don’t remember. The conversation is never about what I want it to be (answers for why they weren’t there) and instead becomes Rashomon: Party Edition.
What do you want to achieve when you bring this up? What is likely to be the result? Is the result worth the pain of the argument? Do you think your parent will listen to you with an open mind? I just gave up on that front.
We don’t talk about it, and I share a little bit less of my life with them.” MycroftNext
10. AITJ For Changing My Diet Due To Medication Side Effects While Living With A Family Traumatized By Eating Disorders?delete
“I (20F) am living with my parents and siblings at home over the Summer and recently I have been getting a lot of criticism from my mom in particular with my diet. For backstory, my younger sister who is 18 used to have an ED a few years ago and was hospitalized for it, it was a very dark time for our family as my sister was extremely sick mentally.
She has been recovering for a while now but obviously, our family is very familiar with eating disorders and their symptoms. I have a long history of mental illness myself (major depression, OCD, and anxiety) and after an upsetting year at college and a lot of triggering events by the time I got home for summer, I was pretty emotionally shattered and was using substances to cope.
My mom encouraged me to get back onto medication for my mental health which I decided would be a good idea so I got started on Wellbutrin. One of the main side effects of Wellbutrin is loss of appetite. While I have always been a healthy weight, I have always struggled with body image especially because my mom and my sister are very thin and I am significantly more curvy in comparison (I also gained a bit of weight during the school year due to my drinking habits).
Once the medication started kicking in I had a lot more energy to exercise and have had a pretty significant loss of appetite however I still eat regularly and have a perfectly healthy diet. I have lost a bit of weight, probably around 10 pounds since getting on the medication.
About a week ago my mom said she needed to have a “talk” with me. She told me that what I was doing was “dangerous” and she was concerned just because I stopped snacking as much and she wasn’t seeing me “properly nourish my body”.
I assured her that I was fine and the eating was just a symptom of the medication but then she started lashing out at me and telling me that if I continued this “behavior” she was going to take away my car so I couldn’t take it with me to college, and threatened to take away other things.
She made me feel extremely guilty and started telling me how our family was “traumatized” by my sister’s struggles and it would be wrong to make my family go through that again even after I told her I was perfectly fine. Now she has been trying to control my diet and forcefully get me to eat more which I find extremely bothersome as she will come into my room and start asking me what I am going to eat aggressively.
I feel bad because it is something she worries about but trying to punish me for eating less feels wrong to me. She made me feel super selfish for eating less just because it was also triggering to my siblings. Even if I was struggling with those thoughts why would she threaten me for feeling that way?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Eating disorders can be deadly and your mom has PTSD and guilt from your sister’s. You more than likely didn’t know how bad it was because parents don’t always tell their children. Like others have said you and your mom could both use some support.
I would honestly tell her that she is projecting onto you and you know she means well but it is making you uncomfortable. Also, lay off the booze at school, it’s not the crutch you want it to be and can also lead to dark times.
Something to talk to the therapist about, substances are fine until they aren’t and with all the trauma you have been through it’s better to find a different outlet.” Unicorn_bear_market
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m on an ADHD med that messes with my appetite.
I eat when I’m hungry but I’m not always as hungry as I would be without the meds (thanks to adhd stim seeking behavior, I would mindlessly snack all day long before meds, even when not hungry, which isn’t healthy) That said I’m always eating lunch and dinner, I’m just not snacking throughout the day much like you’re describing.
I want you to say that your mom is probably in need of therapy to deal with your sister’s ED because it does affect the whole family. (I had an ED throughout my teens and 20’s). I’m sorry you’re going through this, hopefully, your mom can get the help that she needs to see that your eating habits have nothing to do with an ED and that the medication just limits hunger signals that your body gives.” Lacroix24601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please have your mom reach out to professionals to talk about her behavior and what she is seeking to achieve. Forced eating and punishments are awful, especially if she thinks you have an ED. Please talk to your Dr about it because her behavior is wrong and you need support not punishments for trying to get your mental health in order.” GCM005476
9. AITJ For Buying My Own Phone After My Dad Read Through My Texts?
“I (18f) am living with my parents (50s). I’m going off to college in two weeks.
I use my phone like most normal people my age would, if anything, a little less. For reference, my screen on my phone for the past few months is a 1-hour average.
Social media, games, text. That might seem like a lot to some people but compared to my peers, it’s relatively normal if not less than normal.
A week ago I found out that my dad read through my texts. All of them. I knew this because that morning I woke up to check my phone for an email I was supposed to get and the phone opened to my text app and it was scrolled down the bottom.
I knew that I didn’t text anyone before going to bed so I immediately knew something was up. I confronted my dad about this (he has had a history of being invasive in the past) and he admitted to it right away. I was mad.
I asked why. He said that he was concerned about me hanging out with the wrong people. I have done nothing, no behavior that would make him concerned. I have not hung out with anyone new except for my friends whom he’s known for years.
I have never sent any texts or photos of explicit nature to anybody in my life. I have not had any behavioral incidents or big fights with friends, the last time something like that happened was in 6th grade. I am also not currently seeing anyone.
I don’t know why he would be so concerned about me that instead of talking with me, he just went straight to going through all my text conversations.
I was doing everything I could to not yell so I very passively aggressively asked why was he so concerned about me and told him he had no right to go through my texts.
My dad got defensive too and said that he had every right to go through them because he paid for that phone. I said fine and just walked off.
I talked with my mom (she also dislikes my dad but that’s a whole unrelated story) and she agreed to let me buy my phone if I pay for the phone and a phone plan myself.
I was like sure, no problem. I have $20k saved up from working a job during the past year and I had no problem spending $800 and a monthly fee if it meant my dad would leave me alone.
Yesterday my dad found out about the new phone and blew up on me.
He said that as my parent he has the right to check in on me whenever he feels concerned. I said that checking in on me was fine, but going through my conversations was not. He called me a stupid freaking jerk and went on a rant about how he is my DAD, blah blah.
I was tuning him out tbh. The last thing I said was that it’s my money and I wanted to use it how I please.
Don’t know if this is relevant but the phone I was using was old anyway. So I probably would have replaced it in a year if I didn’t do it now.
I don’t know, AITJ? Bonus points if you could help me figure out why he would possibly want to do this because I’m genuinely confused. ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dad doesn’t seem to realize you’re an adult now and his parental “rights” to control anything about your life or to access your messages without consent have terminated. Regardless of whether he pays for the phone plan or not, unless he had your consent, what he did was technically a crime.
You might want to inform him of that and ask if maybe he’s hanging out with any bad influences who would send him down this dark path.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“It’s creepy as heck that your dad thinks it’s normal to go through your phone when you’re an adult.
Can you imagine if he found… adult things on an adult’s phone? GROSS! You’re NTJ for getting your phone, along with privacy and peace of mind. You KNOW that wasn’t the first time he looked at your messages, right? It’s so nasty, and now you’re done with him having access to your private conversations.
He’s your dad, not your prison warden, and has no right to look at your phone.” MissionHoneydew2209
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s honestly a warning sign that you thought you might be; it means he’s taught you that he will always control you. Even minors have privacy rights, and you’re an adult, so he was WAY out of line.
It’s good you’re going to school. I hope it’s too far away for him to just turn up there. I’d advise you to tell him as few details as possible about where you live on campus and embrace your freedom now that you get to decide for yourself how much of him you want in your life.
Lastly, his tantrums were abusive and gross. What a child” 30Helenssaygetlost
8. AITJ For Not Giving My Expensive RC Car To My Entitled Cousin?
“When I was a kid, I saved up money for quite some time because I wanted to buy a fairly expensive (around 1500 USD) RC Car that I wanted. I saved the money and bought the RC Car I always dreamt about. It was one of the best feelings I can remember from my childhood.
I used it a lot and since I played always outside I cleaned it up after every use.
Fast forward 20 years, my wife and I (28 y/o Man) decided to move to Europe, and that meant quite some preparation time, deciding what to sell, what to keep, what to give away, etc. We spent some time on it, and after we had almost everything ready, I still had to decide what to do with my RC Car.
After giving it some thought, I decided to give it to someone who would play with it and care for it like I did. Taking it with me didn’t make that much sense, and selling it after so many years would make even less sense.
It had a lot of sentimental value. I just had to find the right person.
After considering it, I thought that my little Cousin (let’s call him Ben – he was 6 y/o) would be perfect for it. I was extremely happy about that because he loves to play outside and enjoys everything car-related.
My family threw a goodbye party for us three days before moving, and I took the RC car with me and planned to give it to Ben at some point during the party. While we were there, I took the car out of the box and played with it for one last time.
The kids saw me do it, and I gave Ben the remote control to see how he played with it. He played for like two hours and he enjoyed it so much.
Here is the tricky part. After playing with it, he came to me, and before I could say anything he said “Give it to me!”, I said “Sorry, what?”, he replied “Yeah, I think I’m just gonna keep it.
You are moving to Europe anyway, and you probably don’t have any more space in your luggage. I will just keep it.” After thinking about it for like 15 seconds, I replied “No. I will probably sell it since it was a super expensive RC Car”.
I took it with me and put it in the box again. The car meant a lot to me so I didn’t think Ben was worthy of the gift. He acted kind of entitled and ruined the moment in my opinion.
My wife saw the whole thing, and she knew my plan of giving Ben the Car, so she looked confused. After the party, she told me I was sort of a jerk and that I should have just given him the toy anyway.
He is just a kid.
Once in a while, this topic comes up in the family and we cannot decide if I’m the jerk or not. So, AITJ for not giving my little cousin a toy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And that was not a toy.
I bought my 1/12 scale stock car for $308 in the mid-1970s. Still have it. Those words came from his parents or your wife, not him. There is no way he thought about how much space it would take or anything like that. Doesn’t even sound likely he is that kind of a kid to demand it like that.” Top_Bluejay_5323
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for sure and the people saying you aren’t are clueless. I’ve worked with this age group extensively, in schools and as a counselor. They know how to use politeness in situations they’ve encountered before, such as can I have something to eat, please.
But they have no frame of reference for wanting something so badly they can’t express it in a socially acceptable way. You showed the kid something any kid would die for and then canceled your plans to give it to him because you didn’t approve of the off-the-cuff phrasing?
Now THAT is entitled. You could’ve turned it into a teachable moment and taught him how to say what you wanted to hear, but having given him no guidelines for polite interaction in that unique setting at all, no way to correct his mistake, and *not even explaining what he should’ve done differently*…you are overwhelmingly and completely the jerk here.” Meet_in_Potatoes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he acted ungrateful, and you don’t give to him as a result. You can change your mind since who would give a literal 6-year-old such an expensive and memorable gift, they’re only going to break it. Honestly, it seems your logic kicked in when you realized that a 6-year-old wouldn’t truly be able to value such an expensive gift. Tho, how can you say a $1500 RC car is just fairly expensive???
Edit: Although if this was a cheaper and less personal gift, I would think you are more of a jerk since you can’t expect an energetic kid to always be very polite, should have told him he needs to be polite and then given it.” Sea_Kaleidoscope6626
7. AITJ For Taking Over MOH Duties And Ending A 20-Year Friendship?
“I, 28F, grew up being BFFs with sisters, both 28F. We were close and accepted me as family.
In early 2023, one of the sisters announced her engagement.
I was thrilled. Myself and her sister already knew we would be the bridesmaids, her sister being MOH.
To give the MOH some context, a few months before her sister’s engagement, MOH and her significant other had a very bad break, and met at the same time her sister met her BF.
After this, MOH went straight back out to see other people. She would also act out in public where kids she knew from her job saw her. She would also expect her parents to pay for everything and throw tantrums.
As the wedding grew closer, I urged MOH to start a plan on what to do for her own sister’s party.
She just shrugged it off and said she would think about it.
4 weeks before the wedding, nothing had been done. When I urged her again, she acted as if it was no big deal.
I decided to reach out to the bride. The bride then admitted to me that she knew her sister was not doing the job, and was happy that I was.
1 week before the wedding, the MOH knew I was planning the party and everything else.
On the day our flight went out, MOH started complaining about her unfair life. I snapped.
I told her I was angry with her behavior towards the wedding and told her off for not stepping up.
Not great timing I admit.
The next day, I mentioned I needed to go shopping for the bachelorette party items. The bride and groom were shocked when MOH refused to help. Thankfully, the bride and groom stepped up and took me shopping, where I paid for everything.
We were now staying at the hotel – the FOB paying for the room MOH and I were staying in. I was prepared to pay for my half of the room, but MOH was not, sounding rather entitled to how her father should pay.
The Bachelorette was great.
Everyone knew I was the one who had planned and paid for it all, making things with MOH more tense.
On the day of the wedding, MOH was happy to be pampered but did not want to do her MOH duties. During the ceremony, MOH proceeded to speak while the celebrant was talking and during the vows.
At the reception, she partied hard.
Weeks after the wedding, MOH told me she wanted space. 20 years of friendship, done.
She decided that I was rude and negative, that I labeled her ‘lazy’, and that she was hurt for not having the final say in everything.
She unfriended me and blocked me on all social media.
10 months later, we have not spoken.
I am still friends with my other BFF, and happy with my actions at the wedding.
I understand I went too far, and it was not my place to step in the way I did, but I stand by the fact that her lack of care towards her sister as MOH was ridiculous.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The bride was lucky you stepped up. It sounds like your friendship with the sister was already going sour. She is going through a hard time now, but one day she might be grateful to you for seeing that her sister still had a lovely wedding.” Maximum-Swan-1009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did everything a good bridesmaid/MOH should have done. The MOH is blaming you because it’s easier than blaming herself. Compared to your behaviour she comes off looking awful. She isn’t your friend anymore because she feels shame when she thinks of her pathetic behavior and it’s easier to blame you for making her look bad than to realize she did just fine all on her own.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning toward ESH. You shouldn’t have just stepped in, your friend should have told her sister if she wasn’t happy with what she was doing and replaced her as MOH or made it a ‘joint’ thing, you shouldn’t have yelled at the sister, and the sister should’ve helped more if she knew that was the expectation.” User
6. AITJ For Confronting My Sister-In-Law Over Her Disruptive Behavior At My Son's Birthday Party?
“I (F33) am a mother of two. The other day was my son’s fifth birthday and my husband and I threw a party at our home.
The party has caused a bit of a rift between me and my husband’s twin sister, ‘Eve’ (F36). Eve and I don’t have much in common and usually, I only see her during holidays and special occasions. She and my husband are not particularly close either.
For context, Eve has three kids, ages 9, 5 and 2.
A few days before the party, Eve messaged me that she may not go because it would be during her youngest’s nap time. I told her that her kid is more than welcome to sleep at our home and we can put her in our youngest’s bed. Eve said she would think about it but that she probably will not come.
Eve didn’t message me or my husband again so we assumed she was not coming but she did turn up on the day. Like 5 minutes after she arrived she asked if the bed was set up for her youngest and I explained we weren’t expecting them so I’ll need a few minutes to get it ready.
Eve asked if we don’t keep our kids’ bedrooms tidy which really irritated me!
Eve’s daughter slept fine. She did fuss a bit waking up but at least the nap time issue was solved.
She saw the cake we had for our son which was hidden in our kitchen so he wouldn’t see it before it was time to blow out the candles.
She said that her kids would not eat that kind of cake, it was lemon cake if that matters. I know that a lot of kids probably aren’t keen on lemon cake but it’s what my son likes. I told Eve that we did have some candy in our kitchen that her kids could have so they don’t feel left out of having a treat.
They ended up leaving abruptly before we got the cake out and only said bye to my husband. They then came back with chocolate cupcakes from the corner shop (before we’d done cake and candles for my son, they were only gone for maybe 20-30 minutes) and started serving them to their kids.
This caused some of the younger kids at the party to start fussing because they wanted the cupcakes too and there wasn’t enough to go around.
Eve also repeatedly connected her phone to our Bluetooth speakers to play music without asking us (when we already had music playing).
I asked her to stop because it was just making the house sound like a mishmash of music and she said that I was “being a grump”.
I guess that was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me and after the party, I told her that the world doesn’t revolve around her and her kids.
She called me selfish and said that I needed to lighten up. She and her family quickly left. My mother-in-law and father-in-law were still at our house which made things quite awkward.
Eve has been giving my husband the cold shoulder since and I’m wondering if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister-in-law is quite the entitled brat. What clueless self-centered person does what she did? Normal people do not. And I can well understand why mother-in-law and father-in-law may have been awkward as they were primarily responsible for raising this brat in the first place, sucks to be them, right?
Have your husband tell your sister if she cannot act like a decent adult in your house she won’t ever be invited back again. Her kids were fine though, so I guess there’s that.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“I’m wondering why you were the one who kept trying to contain Eve.
Your husband should’ve been the one to confront her about her constant rudeness and if he’s incapable, you need to let him know she and her kids won’t be allowed in your home. You can’t help how she acts elsewhere but at least in your home, she needs to be respectful.
NTJ but your husband needs to man up” TaylorMade2566
5. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Use Her Shared Savings With Friends For Our House Down Payment?
“I’m a 34 yr old M married to the love of my life a 33 yr old F. My wife is kind, nurturing, and motivated in her career. She does a lot for me at home since I work LONG hours. We married 4 months ago. We were together for 8 years.
We’re both easygoing have the same sense of humor and rarely argue.
I make 4x more money (I’m in Healthcare) but she makes a good salary as well. Since I make 4x what she does I tend to pay for most things (dinners, weekend trips, mall shopping) which I do not mind.
With bigger purchases, we pay for things together in proportion to what we make. She’s usually OK with paying her share of things (1/4 of the rent and groceries) and will sometimes offer to pay for dinners and dates.
She’s VERY close with her best friends (she has 4).
They’re great people, But they’re basically attached to the hip and talk daily in a group chat. Which is fine, everyone needs a support system. I have similar friends.
She and her 4 friends have combined savings accounts together for “investing in something together”. They’ve each been putting in a few hundred dollars per month EACH.
I’ve known about this for years and didn’t love the idea initially, which I expressed. But she was adamant she wanted this and at the time we weren’t hurting for the money and it was ultimately her money and her decision.
We are now looking to buy a home (in one of the most expensive real-estate markets in the US) she expresses that she doesn’t have much in her own savings but has 20k of her own money tied in with her friend’s combined savings.
Over the last year, they’ve been told by 2 financial advisors that 5 people attempting to invest together in real estate or stocks or a business wasn’t a great idea. They also recommended splitting the funds into 5 separate accounts since the account is under 1 of the friend’s names and there are tax implications for having that amount of money in her name (100k).
The homes we’re looking at need around 60-70k for a down payment. I stated I was willing to spend nearly all my savings on the down payment for a home (50k). So I told her she should pull that money from her joint friend’s account to help with the down payment.
It’s a huge purchase and I don’t think it should be my burden alone. She got really upset and told me “I don’t want to touch that money, I promised my friends it would be for investing together, we should look for a less expensive home then, maybe a fixer” She then stated, “It would be easier for you to accrue the money back since you make so much more.”
This was VERY frustrating and I told her, “it’s unfair I have to spend nearly all my savings and you don’t. Your friend fund is stupid, and it’s stupid not to use that money for OUR future home.”
AITJ for asking her to use HER cash from her “friends” account, break that promise to her friends so we can buy a nice home together?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait so she and her friends have a shared savings account that they’ve been adding to together with the intent of eventually investing in as in the money is currently just sitting there in one person’s account? NTJ that is ridiculous. I could see the value in having a shared bank account between close friends to go on trips and vacations together since you could just pull money for deposits instead of playing the Venmo game but this is ridiculous and makes it seem like she cares more about planning for her future with her friends than with her husband.
YIKES. Also maybe I just live somewhere really expensive but I’m shocked that 60-70k isn’t already the minimum down payment possible on a fixer-upper.” starbiebarbie99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ married or not I would not buy a house with someone who would rather have an uncertain investment fund with friends than help me with the down payment of our shared house and consider my savings our savings and her savings her savings.
Also, I don’t fault you for calling the fund stupid, because it sounds stupid since 2 financial planners have said it’s ill-advised and told them to split it up again.” Outside_Guidance4752
Another User Comments:
“The account is under only ONE friend’s name???
That is freaking nuts! So that friend gets into a fight with the others and can snatch the whole thing? Major bad juju there! Does she and the other friends have full access to this account? If the answer is no, she is for sure YTJ!
I can’t see how anyone would pool this kind of serious money with friends and no legal ties. Maybe I’m missing something here? Hubby, NTJ. Wife YTJ” Aviatrix36440
4. AITJ For Changing My Name To Feel Unique And Not Like My Late Grandmother?
“I’ve (19F) changed my name socially recently since I’ve always hated it. There are several reasons why I made this decision: 1. It is known as an ‘old lady name’… e.g Gertrude (not my name but an example) and it doesn’t translate that well in the modern age.
2. I barely feel unique with it.
In some sort of coincidence, my birthday is on the same date as the death day of my grandma and I was named after her (explains the old lady’s name). For context, my father was abandoned as a child and my ‘foster’ grandma adopted him as a single mother- he has always held her in high regard, and everyone in my family highly respected her.
While this is a sweet backstory, this led to some people thinking I’m her reincarnated and comparing me to her almost every single day. I could be making a snack and it’s ‘OMG! Gertrude used to love strawberries’ or ‘Gertrude hated that too!’.
What’s even weirder is that a lot of people randomly think I have maternal qualities too.
The number of times I had to hold my baby cousins simply because I’m named after my grandma is crazy- they would also say things like ‘Wow she takes after Gertrude, look at her holding the baby!’. My father is probably the worst at this and encourages comments like that.
My mom thinks it’s sweet and recognizes that this is how they cope with her loss.
Unfortunately, this has led to me not feeling unique, I barely feel like my own person because of it. I know my family would go crazy if I changed it but it weighs down on me every time my name is mentioned. People also typically mispronounce it since it’s not that common.
I decided to socially change it (among friends and online) to test it out and I’ve liked it. I chose a name that is pretty common in the country I live in.
Since my friends don’t know about Gertrude’s legacy, they are more accepting- however, some believe that the new name I chose discounts my cultural heritage since the one I chose is based on the country I lived in for ease.
I didn’t think it was a big deal since I plan on living there for the rest of my life and is a huge part of me.
I remember I tried discussing this problem with my parents and my mom got mad that I ‘was taking this away from my father’ and that he loves the name (as well as his entire family).
My mom told me to not tell my father if I do decide to change it since he might actually disown me if he found out. She believes that my reasoning isn’t that great so I should learn to deal with it.
I feel conflicted and I’m not sure if my reasoning is enough- I am also wondering if I should choose a name that reflects my heritage (for context I’m biracial and my friends believe the name is too ‘white’).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ with a caveat. You can choose your name – that’s your right. Your father might be upset and that’s his right. Ultimately, you’re the one living with the name. The only thing I bump into is when you say you’re biracial and wonder if you should choose a name that reflects your heritage.
It sounds like your heritage is more nuanced than what your friends believe it should be and you should choose what you believe is right for you. Not what your friends today think of it. You can always change it back.” unsure
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You don’t say how old you are, and I don’t know if you mean legally changing your name or just asking that people call you something else. You don’t have to have a good reason to do the latter, but since the former can be a real PITA it’s worth taking a while before making that step.
You might also change your mind at some point, and decide you want to keep that name as a middle name or keep it as something your family uses (lots of people do that–keep a family nickname). I can imagine what your father and family are doing is irritating, but it’s their way of handling grief.
He isn’t a jerk for wanting you to keep the name, and you aren’t a jerk for wanting to change it. If he did disown you over this, then he’d be a jerk.” hubertburnette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I have a super old lady name that’s been misspelled and mispronounced my whole life.
Same thing, it was a family member’s name that had a tragic story so my mom thought I should be named after her. I can’t stand it or the tragic story so I socially changed my name. It annoys my mom but whatever. I’m my person and don’t relate or like my name.” Reckless_Teacup
3. AITJ For Yelling At My Step-Mom For Trying To Write In My Deceased Mom's Scrapbook?
“My mom passed away when I (16f) was 6 and my brother (20m) was 10. She had created these scrapbooks of memories and letters for us and she encouraged us to be a part of creating them. My brother was writing in his before he passed away but I mostly drew or maybe made some small notes.
When mom passed away my brother wrote in both of ours and encouraged me to keep drawing/making notes and later writing. Dad never had much to do with them. He always said it was more of mom’s thing and he never was good with words, written or otherwise, which is true.
When I was 10 he remarried. His wife asked about the book a lot and she offered to take over the book for me (though not my brother because he was always rude to her). I said no. She asked multiple times. I told her no and that Mom hadn’t wanted Dad’s new wife to take over what she started. She was hurt when I told her and my dad suggested that I didn’t need to say something like that to her and I should forget about what mom would have wanted. I told him I had already said no before and she kept asking.
That it was true and he knew it. He said mom was selfish for that. That it put him in a bad place for remarrying. I told him that wasn’t my fault and I could understand why she wouldn’t want her replacement to do it.
He told me his wife wasn’t a replacement and was special and important to us in her own right. I said she was acting like she was Mom’s replacement when she refused to take no for an answer. He asked me to see the positive instead of the negative.
My brother was more rude after he heard about what went down. She kept asking every couple of weeks since. I always said no.
A few days ago I came home from school early and my dad and his wife were home. She had my book out and was trying to think of something to write in it.
I snatched it off her before she could do it. She started crying and I started yelling. Dad told me to calm down and she was trying to show her love. I told him I didn’t care and he knew I didn’t want her writing in it.
That he knew it wasn’t for her. He told me to calm down and I only said that because of what mom said. I told him he disrespected her memory by almost letting it happen. He asked how I could say that, he loved Mom and he had her longer than me, and that I was only trying to hurt him by saying that.
Then he told me Mom’s been dead a long time now. I told him I know but he only cares about his new wife now. He went into my room afterward and told me I hurt him and shouldn’t accuse him of disrespecting the woman who made him a dad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a stepparent myself. This was very disrespectful to you and the boundaries you established around an emotionally meaningful item. Please hide the book or give it to your brother to keep safe at his place. Your dad’s wife was way out of line and he should have ensured that the book was kept safe rather than insisting she get your way.
I’m sorry about the loss of your mom, the violation of your book, and the damage this has most certainly done to your relationship with your dad.” MiddleHuckleberry445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but not for the reasons most might think. My mom died in 2018, dad died in 1999.
People try to ask me “What would your mom want” and the truth is, I don’t care. She’s dead. She doesn’t get a say. Dad’s dead, he doesn’t get a say either. I’m not living my life in the shadow of someone else’s memory, no matter how much that person mattered to me.
Now you putting all of this on “what mom would have wanted” is kind of a bad move. She doesn’t get a vote. It’s what YOU want. Do YOU want her writing in the book? No. Done. That’s the end of it and your dad needs to respect that.
Don’t hide behind your mom’s memory. Your dad didn’t disrespect her by letting his new wife write in your book, he disrespected YOU. You made your feelings clear and he disregarded YOU.” Demented-Alpaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad did disrespect her when he allowed the new wife to take it and almost write in it.
And he did disrespect you because you repeatedly told them you didn’t want it. No matter how long it has been, your mom has her place and it needs to be respected. I suggest, if you want to, to speak to maybe a grandparent or an aunt or uncle that you trust, and ask if they would keep your book for you, so you feel safer with it being outside the house.
That is if you are okay with not having it with you all the time. You can write on it when you’re visiting.” Sad-Currency-3235
2. AITJ For Hiring A Babysitter After My Mom Kept My Daughter From Daycare Out Of Jealousy?
“I’m a single mom with a 4-year-old daughter, Anna. Anna and I live with my mom. We both work and Anna goes to daycare full time. Daycare would be about half my income so I get a subsidy that covers $1400 out of her $2000 tuition. The only condition of the subsidy is that she has to show up.
If she misses too many days I lose the subsidy. I go to work at 7:30 and daycare opens at 8 so my mom would be the one to take Anna to daycare.
Anna’s main teacher is a 20/21-year-old girl. When I’ve talked to her she’s always been very animated and energetic.
She’s great with the kids. Anna always comes home saying this teacher brought stickers, she brought juice, she brought bubbles, she did face painting, etc., and always has fun crafts that she did with her teacher. This teacher is her favorite person in the world right now and Anna often runs away from my mom to jump on this teacher in the mornings and hides when my mom picks her up because she doesn’t want to leave this teacher.
My mom started to get jealous that Anna liked the teacher better than her so she started keeping her home from daycare on her days off/when she only had 1-2 easy clients (she cleans houses).
I found out Anna missed 5 days over the past 3 weeks.
I asked my mom about it and she told me she wanted Anna to spend more time with family instead of with teachers. I told my mom Anna needed to be in daycare unless she was sick or I would lose the subsidy. She was arguing that if Anna needs to be in daycare, she should be in one with more family values and not some “rich girl trying to save the poor kids” (the teacher is a girl from a well-off family marrying into a well-off family and the daycare isn’t in the most well off neighborhood.) She has bins full of clothes for the kids, gives everyone a water bottle with their name on it, has a much nicer classroom than the other teachers, and drives a car worth more than my mom and I combined could make in a year.
She’s setting up a field trip to the local airport so her fiance can talk to the kids about flying planes and so they can look at his jet. I told her I wouldn’t. This is the best daycare that takes this subsidy and I won’t be moving her just because she’s jealous.
She was still insisting on Anna either being with family or being in a more family-based daycare so I got her a babysitter. I drop her off at my neighbor’s at 7:30 when I leave for work and she drops Anna off at 8:15 on her way to take her kids to school.
She only charges me $10 a day. I don’t love the breakfasts that she gives Anna but I know she’s going to daycare and I won’t lose the subsidy.
Now my mom is angry that I’m keeping Anna away from her. AITJ for sending Anna to a babysitter in the mornings because my mom wasn’t taking Anna to daycare?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You sound like a responsible parent, and you did a good job solving a problem here. Congrats on getting your daughter a slot in an excellent daycare/preschool and for doing what you need to do to keep the subsidy that pays for it.
Early childhood education is super important! It sounds like your daughter is learning and socializing in a positive environment and that she loves being there. That’s awesome, and it will help lay the foundation for future success in school. Your mom is being unreasonable (and sounds like you already know that).
Would she be interfering with your daughter’s education and keeping her home from school randomly if she was in 3rd grade? What about 11th grade? Sigh. Good luck as you continue to navigate this, and you’re NTJ here.” If if-anything
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter is THRIVING in her classroom and her teacher genuinely cares about her students.
And most importantly, your daughter loves her. That stuff she’s giving to students, those activities? Mostly come out of her finances. How is this not family values? Teaching compassion and spreading joy? That’s the best lesson to teach. Mom needs a refresher on that. Do whatever you can to keep your kid in this woman’s class, if you need to have a friend pick her up to go to school, do it.
If you can negotiate with your employer or the school to get a better drop-off time, do that. Whatever you need to do.” Yellow-beef
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mom endangered one of your important resources for your daughter. She did it deceptively, not telling you on the days she decided to keep the child out of daycare.
Her reasons are petty and selfish. But her ACTIONS were huge violations of your daughter and your safety and resources and of your autonomy. It sounds as if you feel a lot of responsibility towards supporting your mom as well as your child. Beware. Your mom is not a supportive and trustworthy partner.” curiousity60
1. AITJ For Buying An Expensive Guitar With My Partner's Credit Card As A Surprise Gift?
“Me (23F ) and my partner, (27M ) Mark have been together for 3 years. I decided I wanted to get my partner a gift. Our anniversary is coming up and I wanted to do something really nice for him.
He is a guitarist and has been wanting this one particular guitar ( Jackson King V series Pro). He talked about it and said he’d love to own one. So I have always heard that the best gift is something that someone wants but will never get for themselves.
I was at a guitar store looking for a gift or something and then I saw it. It was a Jackson King V series Pro. It was not exactly the one he always showed me, but it was close enough. It had the weird part where the strings attach with that little lever thingy and the bottom of the guitar is all spiked (sorry I don’t know guitars).
I knew he wanted it so I thought I would surprise him. We are by no means rich but we live comfortably so I didn’t think he’d mind paying 2400.
I ended up buying him the guitar, I did use his credit card, which in hindsight I guess wasn’t a good idea.
I just figured it wouldn’t matter since he never makes me pay for anything. I figured it would be an okay gift. I took it out of the case it came with and propped it up in the living room. And waiting for Mark to get home, we
When he came in I hugged him kissed him and told him “Happy anniversary, I got you something special”. He went into the living room and just about jumped through the roof with excitement. He instantly started thanking me and telling me all about how special this particular guitar was in comparison to the regular King V.
And I just said “What can I say … I have good taste”, and we talked and then it happened.
“How much did you end up paying for this thing? “ Mark asked, and I nonchalantly answered, “It was like 2500 bucks, but I don’t think we will have a problem paying it off “.
Then he just stared and asked me what I was talking about. I proceeded to explain how I wanted to do something nice but 2400 bucks was a bit much upfront so I put it on his credit card and I figured we’d pay it off together.
Mark is not an angry person, but he was more angry than I ever imagined he could be. He just started yelling at me. I know I messed up but, he could at least be a bit grateful, that someone cares as much as I do right?
But he ended up bringing it back to the guitar store but I guess they can’t return it because it was on a cc or something I don’t remember. When he got home, I thought he’d be in a better mood but he didn’t end up coming home until late, and then when he did he just went straight to bed. This was 2 days ago and he still hasn’t spoken to me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…Is this for real? I spit my coffee out laughing when I got to the part where you did not think HE would mind paying 2400, so you used his credit card. First of all, a gift is something YOU pay for.
Second, you do not use anyone’s credit card without permission. This is called theft. I am hoping that you are listed as a user on said card. Third, most partners do not spend over a certain amount unless discussing together beforehand. How can you not see yourself as a jerk?
I find it odd that he cannot return the guitar, but I do not know what the return policy is. If you charged that amount of money on his card without asking about that policy yourself before doing so, you are even more the jerk.
You will be lucky if you are still a couple. I suggest you figure out a way to pay for all of that guitar yourself.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you made a major purchase on his card as a ‘gift’ to him without asking, Who the heck makes the recipient of a gift pay for it?
That purchase should have been solely your responsibility to pay for on your card, he shouldn’t have to pay a dime, because that’s how presents work. You made him buy something he wasn’t expecting without asking him first and it’s not even a tiny expense, it’s a large purchase he wasn’t expecting.
What the heck.” Halleaon
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There are just so many many many things wrong with this situation. “We are by no means rich but we live comfortably so I didn’t think he’d mind paying 2400.”- You don’t get to decide what he is comfortable spending.
” I just figured it won’t matter since he never makes me pay for anything.”- So you planned that he would pay for his OWN GIFT? You messed up big time. It’s not the place of a bunch of random people on Reddit to say they hope that partner breaks up with you, but… What you did was bad.
You used someone else’s credit card to spend a lot of money and you did not plan to pay them back. That’s what this comes down to. YTJ x a million” Logical_Read9153
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