People Worry They Got It All Wrong In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Asking My Brother To Buy Me Pads?
“I’m the only girl in the family which sucks especially when I’m on period because I feel like no one knows what I go through (yes I have a mom I’m just dramatic lol).
Ever since I’ve had my first period I’ve always been told to never talk about it to boys and almost made to feel shamed for having it so telling my brothers to leave me alone or explaining why I can’t swim or something like that was a little awkward.
Anyway, I was on my period one time and when I went to put a pad on I noticed it was my last one and I desperately needed more. I was freaking out because I don’t have transportation to go to the store and buy some like a normal human being and my mom doesn’t drive so I was stuck.
I didn’t know what to do but then I remembered “I have brothers” so using my big brain I decided to text my brother if he could buy me some on the way home. Although I’ve asked if they can buy me some in the past, I still felt awkward because my mom and dad always made it seem like it was taboo to even mention periods.
Luckily he was cool about it and even called me asking which brand I wanted, with wings or no wings. Overall he was very helpful.
Thinking the phone call was a bit silly I mentioned it to my mom as soon as I hung up.
I was telling her about how it was like the movies where the guy was clueless about buying them. While telling her this she had an unimpressed face with a hint of disgust and said “but why did you tell him? Isn’t that a bit too much?
Why didn’t you tell your dad instead?” I don’t know about you guys but I’d rather ask my brother if he could buy me some instead of my dad. I asked “what do you mean? You always tell them to help me out, especially with things like that.
Why is it such a big deal?” She just scoffed and ignored me. Whatever I thought I was just hoping he’d get here fast. My dad ended up coming back home before my brother but he was very tired from work so I didn’t want to bother him with the task plus it was also late.
My brother came home with double of what I asked for and when my mom saw that he actually bought me them she was mad! “Why did you buy those? Aren’t you embarrassed?” My brother just answered “No? Why would I be embarrassed? Would you rather her bleed without using one?” And she just stayed silent.
The next day it was just my mom and me and she said that I shouldn’t ask them to buy me that type of stuff and I should only ask her or my dad because it isn’t “appropriate”. I told it really shouldn’t matter who I ask, how would she act if my brothers got partners and they needed to buy them.
I mean I did already know that my mom would be upset and my dad was home I could’ve just asked him but I honestly didn’t think it would be such a big deal so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Brothers are incredibly resilient and can persevere when given the opportunity, even in the tampon aisle.
My mom thought my brother couldn’t handle girl stuff and I told him it was not a secret. He is raising a daughter now, and has two stepdaughters and a wife so he considers my efforts to normalize periods necessary awkwardness! He is handling it like a champ and checked with me about stuff that worked for me because his wife is squeamish even after having 4 kids and having two other daughters go through puberty.
I am glad my niece has a parent who wants to understand her needs and how to be a good supportive parent.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your parents have some very weird values. I can see why you’d be more comfortable asking your brother.
I’m glad your parent’s menstrual lunacy didn’t rub off on him. Honestly, I would be cautious and examine pretty much anything they’ve taught you if this is how they handle something as simple as menstruation. The fact that they were willing to put WHO you asked for pads (which, by the way, should be anyone convenient) over you bleeding through your clothes is… massively concerning.
Good on you and your brother for being logical about the situation despite your upbringing. Big bro came through and handled it perfectly.” CinnamonSugarCream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does she think that your brother doesn’t know that his sister and his mother have periods, why is she being weird about this?
That’s the kind of thing that people born in the 1930s do because it’s not polite and blah blah blah. I literally was expecting you to tell us that your brother brought you back diaper-sized pads because Matt doesn’t know anything about pads.
Your brother does not seem to have a single problem that’s your mom’s thing and she needs to handle her own feelings. This is not a normal reaction.” ZOE_XCII
20. AITJ For Being Upset My Roommate's Parents Replaced Our Furniture Without Consulting Me?
“My future roommate and I have known each other since we were kids, and her parents who work in residential development were recently involved in the construction of a new apartment complex in our neighborhood.
They offered her one of the building’s units and my friend asked if I wanted to split the rent and room with her (we’re both 22F).
Because the building wouldn’t be ready to move into until this month, my roommate and I spent the first few months of 2022 talking about how we would arrange the place.
For the living room, we agreed that I would buy our couch and coffee table, while my roommate would be in charge of ordering everything else we needed. I was fully on board with this plan and proceeded to dedicate A LOT of hours to finding us the right couch that we could both agree upon.
I also made sure to consult with her about specific styles/sizes before finalizing my decision, and we ended up scoring a used online marketplace Structube Falcon couch for 300 USD (which retails for $799).
Everything was OK until her parents learned a few weeks ago that they could now take display furniture from showroom units because the new building would soon be ready to live in.
That said, I was open to us taking some display pieces and was happy about not needing to buy anything else after that.
My roommate’s parents, on the other hand, requested that she take EVERYTHING from this one particular showroom and have it be moved into our apartment unit.
They encouraged it unbeknownst to me because the new furniture cost them thousands of dollars and they wanted to keep it. However, we weren’t exactly fans of the pieces because they were all beige and bulky with granny vibes that don’t really suit two girls in their early twenties.
Also, imagine two floor-to-ceiling bookcases squeezed into an already narrow living room…
But I was never consulted in any of these decisions. My roommate just walked into our apartment unit one day while I was sick at home and noticed that all of our previous furniture, including the couch and coffee table I bought, had vanished and been replaced with the all-beige granny furniture.
I’m trying to be understanding because her parents believe they did us a favor, but it seems inconsiderate and unreasonable that this was never run by me because I’m now going to be paying rent in a space I’m not particularly excited to live in right now.
I just spent hundreds on furniture I actually liked that I can’t use anymore and am now being forced to get rid of it because what I picked out was “too cheap.”
When I tried to express my frustrations to my roommate, she said she’d have a hard time convincing her parents of my POV because of the logistics of the money they invested, despite the fact that they won’t be living there.
As a result, I feel cornered now and as if my opinions are unimportant to everyone.”
Another User Comments:
“It is the easiest thing in the world to cover free furniture with commercial covers, throw blankets and fuzzy pillows, or even tie-dyed sheets. And to paint solid furniture.
Is each piece comfortable to sit on/put food on/hang clothes on/whatever it is designed for? Keep it and cover it with paint or fabric or bedazzle it in geometric patterns. Or – Ask them what happened to your personal property – the couch – and politely demand to be fully compensated for the theft of your property.
They’ll say the new couch is yours now and worth more anyway. Agree and get that in writing, along with a statement that the rest of the furniture belongs to you & roommate. Then sell off whatever you and your roommate hate and use the proceeds to buy something you like.
Of course, any of those actions may lose you Free Rent!!!, which will matter a little or a lot depending on your income level.” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“My thought is: this furniture is expensive, so be very careful how you use it. You are going to be walking on eggshells in your own apartment.
That’s the joy of your own things. You never want anything to go wrong: but if it does at least you don’t answer to anyone! My suggestion is that they give you a substantial rent discount for storing their stuff in your space.
See how that goes….” boniemonie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have her parents reimbursed you for the furniture you purchased and they stole? Can the 2 of you afford to rent an apartment elsewhere? That way her parents won’t be involved and you can prevent them from having keys.
If her parents don’t own the building and won’t be paying rent then tell your friend that either your furniture is returned to you or the deal is off. Also, her parents are to return their keys immediately.” Knittingfairy09113
19. AITJ For Defending My Partner's Blue-Collar Job To My Family?
“I 22f come from a family of men who do not do laboring jobs and will opt to pay someone to fix something rather than do it themselves. I have been with my partner (24m) for 6 years and when he started working he went into warehouse/factory work.
Recently there was a get-together in which they asked how he has been doing so he said how he had applied for a manager/trainer position at his job. He explained to them what type of work is done at his. They laughed at him and then said to me how I picked the bottom of the barrel to be with a guy who does physical labor.
I just simply said well I like a guy who can actually fix stuff and take care (as in maintenance) of the home. They all got upset and started saying things like “well he can fix stuff but I actually have the money for the project” “he dresses like a homeless man they actually good better.” The icing on the cake was when one of them said that I’m part of the issue for choosing men like my partner over them.
I asked “why does your niece/younger cousin’s preference in men affect you so much because you sound like creeps?” A lot of them started to stutter saying it’s not like that yadda yadda yadda.
Days later I was told by my older cousin I was a jerk for making it weird and demanded I apologize and say they weren’t creeps and I would be lucky to even find a man like them.
I laughed and hung up. My partner thinks I am being a jerk too by not being the bigger person in the situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They made it weird by going on a contest about your partner. Talk about fragile toxic masculinity when you have to crap on your niece/younger cousin’s partner’s job in order to feel better about yourself.
You called them out on it and good on ya! I don’t know if your partner’s reaction is down to wanting to be liked or de-escalating the situation but it might be worth a discussion because it’s good that you stood up for your partner and that was the right thing to do.” wanesandwaves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You clearly touched a nerve by saying you’d like someone who can fix things. You’ve hurt their egos, so they’re going to be very reactive. But They started it by giving your bf trouble and trying to make it seem like he’s below them for doing blue collar work.
I’d love to know: what exactly is “the problem” that you’re a part of for picking a partner who does blue-collar work? This is disorienting for me because I have uncles and cousins with the same attitude but they’re blue-collar hating on white-collar.
Not sure why your white-collar relatives are so triggered?” Newtonz5thLaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is it super weird for them to take your choice of a partner so personally, but also… there’s nothing wrong with warehouse work. It’s a necessary job to make the world functional!
My husband works in a warehouse and is quite capable (tho tbh I’m the handy one around the house just because I like fixing things). Shame on them for making your relationship about them somehow, and double shame on them for being elitist.” Odd-Astronaut-92
18. AITJ For Snapping At My Freeloading Roommate And Being Glad They Left?
“I’m f(22) and my husband is m(22).
We live in our own apartment with pets and whatnot.
A year ago I made a friend on a pc game. This friend (18) said they were going through bad stuff at home with their heavy drinker mother so I offered them a place to stay.
I only made them pay 2 bills that didn’t cost more than $300 and I paid for the majority of their expenses. They didn’t have a license so my husband drove them back and forth to work without gas money being asked. We paid for groceries too.
This friend never kept a job and only stayed with us for 3 months until they finally left. They never really cleaned and kept bringing their mother’s rules into not only my home but also my OWN mother’s home. They even left food out letting it rot or get eaten by my cats.
They barely paid for anything at all.
One day I finally snapped. They have been leeching off of us and started annoying us with gaslighting and saying “slay” every 5 seconds. I told them to stop and that I was getting tired of them. Days go by since then and they left us with a long text message basically saying they’re leaving and that we weren’t “kind” them.
They left a HUGE mess and left the majority of their stuff behind. I texted them asking if they wanted any of it and they said no. I asked for the bill amount they owe and they proceeded to send that to me. We haven’t talked since then but I found out they’ve been going around and saying we “abused” them but with no context.
Ever since they left, I’ve been so much happier and never felt more alive.
So AITJ for reacting the way I did and being glad they left?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They bit the hand that fed them and threw a temper tantrum when they were swatted down.
Good on you and hubby for trying to do the right thing.” MuskyLion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Be very careful living with young/first-timers. Some people need to be called out because they don’t realize how much they suck. Especially if they are used to parents cleaning up after them.” Dear_Pay7221
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And maybe the story with the heavy drinker mother wasn’t even true and she was just a normal parent sick of their behavior. But it really seems like the “friend” used you. You wanted to do something good and it bit you in you butt.” EvilFinch
17. AITJ For Not Washing My Partner's Clothes That Weren't In The Hamper?
“I (23 F) have lived with my partner (27M) for a little over a year, been together for 2.5 years. He refuses to put clothes in the hamper. I work full time as a nurse and still manage to do all of our household chores, while he works full time also but almost expects me to do everything.
I think he expects it because I’ve always done it, but I’ve always done it because I can’t stand it not being done. If I don’t do our chores they will never get done. He will ask me where a shirt or pair of pants are and I tell him, because I do all the laundry.
I simply asked him to put his clothes in the hamper to make my life easier and to keep our home tidy, but he always “forgets”. I now only do the clothes that make it in the hamper, which is always only my clothes.
He had an important meeting today and asked me where a specific shirt and pants were.
I told him I only did the laundry that was in the hamper. He got mad and told me I should have known he had this meeting and should have at least washed those. He was late because he didn’t have clean clothes and had to quickly wash those.
I feel bad he was late for an important meeting, but I am not his mother. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but understand – you’re choosing this. You’re choosing a relationship where you work full-time in a draining job and do all the chores.
You’re choosing a guy who does nothing to help. Not doing the laundry one time is not addressing the real issue in any way. You deserve a better partner. Or being on your own is fine, and much better than being with a bad partner (the chores are half the size!).
In what ways is he even a partner? How does he contribute to your team?” Honest_Ebb_8328
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time for a big sit-down. You both work full-time. You both have different expectations for household chores and cleanliness. Putting dirty clothes in a hamper is a minimal, basic thing.
STICK to this point. You’ll still wash/dry/fold/whatever it is in the hamper. If there’s a household with very clean people and slightly messy people, it is not the job of the very messy people to keep clean to the clean freaks’ standards.
The clean freaks have to clean the environment to their liking… from some base middle point. Below the middle point includes things like: put dirty cups and bottles in the sink, don’t leave them around; pick up things from the floor; put dishes in the dishwasher; put dirty clothes in the hamper; rinse spit and hair out of the sink; wipe or/and leave your dirty boots outside, etc…
Basic courtesy stuff. He doesn’t really forget. He “forgets” in order to train. Those are small asks. Gotta sort out your household expectations, before things progress into a marriage. It will only go downhill from here.” WittyClerk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I did the same when I first moved in with my husband, if it is not in the hamper I do not wash it.
Also, you should not be doing everything if you are both working then the chores should be split between you, if he can not handle this then maybe it is not time for you to be living together. It is supposed to be a partnership, not one person working full time at work and at home.
I really need a tidy house but it took time for my husband to realize I was not going to pick up after him. If you do not put your foot down now you will be doing everything, and if he won’t do his fair share then ditch the lazy jerk.” Heartsuk
16. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My In-Laws After They Disregarded Our Wishes During My Wife's Hospitalization?
“My wife (30F) and I (32M) have been married for six years and recently moved overseas for my job. A few weeks ago, my wife, let’s call her Judy, was admitted to the hospital. Judy was worried that if we let her parents know she was in the hospital, they would worry.
FIL has a history of depression and MIL is a nurse so Judy was worried that they would mentally spiral. I knew they would feel hurt if they found out after the fact that she was in the hospital and did not tell them. After some discussion, we decided I should call my in-laws to let them know the situation.
They were calm, supportive, and made it clear that if we needed them, MIL could catch a flight and be here for us. I told them I appreciated the thought but that it was not necessary. Judy was very clear she did not want her mother here and she did not want them to see her during her vulnerable moments.
It was determined that Judy needed surgery. They found the cause of the pain: pelvic masses that could be cancerous and had implications for her fertility. I called my in-laws that night to let them know surgery was going to happen tomorrow but left out the other bits so we had time to process that information together.
The next morning, I asked Judy if she wanted her mom to come to Amsterdam. She asked me to invite her for the end of the week (in 5 days). This would give us time to deal with whatever comes our way. Preparing her for surgery was by far the scariest moment in our lives.
Once they took her to the OR, I called my in-laws to let them know Judy was taken into the OR and to ask my MIL to come in at the end of the week to help with the recovery. My MIL then informed me she and FIL were “just too worried” and that she was already in Amsterdam and on her way to the hospital (ETA: 10 minutes).
My whole body froze and I said what I needed to get off the phone. My mind raced about how Judy would react to seeing her mother unexpectedly when she woke up from her operation. I knew Judy would have a meltdown processing all of it – her mother’s presence, her pain, maybe cancer, lack of fertility, her recovery, my well-being.
I completely broke down in the hospital garden and cried my eyes out, gasping for air. Ultimately, I collected myself and decided that MIL was already here and to make the best of the situation for Judy’s sake.
I felt ambushed and betrayed by my in-laws because we explicitly asked MIL not to come, but she came anyway.
According to my parents, they would have done the same thing. I need to understand that it’s their (my in-law’s) daughter and I need to “get over it”.
I want to have a candid conversation about what happened but worry about the long-term repercussions of our relationship with Judy’s parents.
Would I be a jerk if I confronted my MIL/FIL and told them that they were selfish, overstepped, and to never visit us again without permission?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh I can totally empathize with you and Judy. First off let me say that I’m sending all the positive vibes for her recovery and future health and happiness.
Now as far as the judgement, I’m thinking it’s a soft No jerks here. MIL did act impulsively, but I would guess she was acting from a good-intentioned place. I totally applaud you for working actively to support your wife’s feelings and wishes though, but I think it might be better if you asked MIL to hang back a few days in a hotel.
Call it panini precautions. Let Judy know and include her in the decision for whatever action is taken. Again, no jerks here but tread carefully. And again, I’m sending good vibes.” MadHatter06
Another User Comments:
“Like it or not, being a parent does not give you the right to ignore the boundaries/desires of your adult children.
Your MIL broke the rules. Your wife has every right to control who can and cannot visit her in the hospital. If it isn’t too late, arrange to have your MIL barred from your wife’s hospital room until your wife is ready to allow her to visit.
This is what your wife needs. What her mother wants/needs is far less important. YWBTJ if you did not confront your in-laws and make it clear that they overstepped. That they ignored your wife’s wants and needs.” Infamous-Wasabi-9007
Another User Comments:
“I’m sure it’s upsetting that the IL’s ran over your wife’s boundaries like this, and put you in a tough spot when you are also under a lot of stress.
But please don’t turn it into a conflict, especially since they also love her and are worried about her and they are also clearly under stress. By now the crisis about whether or not J wakes up to find her mother in her hospital room has passed, and without knowing what happened, I’d suggest that the two of you make the best of it, try to receive it in the spirit it was meant, and once things settle down more, maybe you can sit down together first, make sure you’re on the same page, and then sit the two of them down and clarify those boundaries for the future.
NTJ, only because I get how upset you are and they are trampling your boundaries. But I really hope you do find a better way to handle it.” ElisMaddy
15. AITJ For Wanting To Take An Earlier Train Since My Wife And I Don't Sit Together?
“I (27M) and my newly married wife (26F) work in the central business district of our city.
I finish work at around 7 PM, she finishes around 7:30 PM. We commute to and from work by train, and it is a 1+ hour journey. Since we both finish work within half an hour of each other, I usually wait, and we go home together. There are trains every few minutes, however, very few of these are airconditioned (AC) there is only about 1 AC train an hour.
There is one specific air-conditioned train, at 7:49 PM, which is the train we both aim to take to go home together.
To give additional context, there are no safety issues involved in travelling alone, this is just for convenience.
Recently, however, my wife found out that the first and last coaches of the AC train are women-only coaches, and are usually much emptier than the usual coaches.
Where in the normal coaches you’d be packed like sardines, in the women’s coaches there is a high probability of getting a seat to sit. So for the past week or two, she has been going to the women’s coach, and leaving me alone in the normal coach.
This morning, I told my wife that since we are travelling separately anyway, I will take an earlier train, after my work finishes, and see her at home, whenever she gets back. She told me I was reacting childishly, and called me a jerk for not waiting and travelling with her.
When I pointed out that I am not travelling with her – she said I am making an issue out of nothing. If she were travelling in my coach, I’d be more than ok waiting for her and going home with her.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sheesh. Get on the earlier ride and enjoy some downtime. Or get a chore done or a head start on dinner. You’ve been hanging around the train station for an extra 45 minutes to sit with her and talk for an hour. Now you’re just sitting around for 45 minutes for nothing.
If she wants to walk with you from the station you can still meet her there. But at least you can like change clothes or hang out with friends in your neighborhood.” Live_Background_6239
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How far is the last stop from home?
If you do take an earlier train is it a huge inconvenience to maybe meet her at the platform? I’m wondering if walking the last part together would pacify her. That said. She’s not sitting with you. So you aren’t travelling together. Have you asked her how safe she feels?
Safety for women is quite differently perceived and experienced by women. We are taught from a young age to always be watchful etc. I’ve talked with male friends and it was quite the eye-opener how we both saw the areas we were walking at different times of the day.” Federal-Ferret-970
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My ex-husband used to do this and make me wait for him to finish work instead of letting me go to the supermarket by myself or go home early and relax for a bit! It was so annoying and I soon resented him.
There is no point wasting 50 mins waiting for her just to sit separately, get home and enjoy having some wind-down time.” RavenBlueEyes84
14. AITJ For Falling Asleep And Missing Plans With My Sister?
“I (f18) am a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant), it’s a hard job, to say the least. I work 8–12 hour shifts with normally only 1 day off during the week.
Yesterday was my day off and my sister (f22) wanted to hang out. My sister has a wealthy fiancé who basically pays for everything while she does whatever.
So I was all ready to hang out but my sister needed to run a few things to her fiancé at his work.
Fine by me, I was just going to watch some TV while I waited for her to be done.
I ended up falling asleep and slept through my sister texting and calling because my phone was on silent from work and I just didn’t turn it on.
Well, she came banging on my door, and I of course woke up. She got mad and said how I barely had to wait for her yet I still fell asleep. I said well I’m tired from having to work, we don’t all have a wealthy fiancé who can pay for everything.
She called me a jerk and a heartless person and slammed my door shut. I got a call from my mom also getting mad at me saying my sister just wanted to spend time with me. Even when I tried to explain how I work all the time and I think I have a right to be tired. It’s like nobody cares.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but not just for the reasons I’m seeing a lot on here. It was a pretty low blow to attack her right off the bat for being frustrated, that much is obvious. I want you to think about something though.
I don’t know if your sister is anything like me, but if I had plans with someone and they very suddenly went from responsive to radio silent, I’d grow concerned pretty quickly that something might have happened and the person I was meant to see was in danger.
You very easily could have just told her she startled you and that you were sorry you dozed off. Jumping right to the bitter response you gave her was uncalled for.” L3v14th4nTh3Th1rd
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sure, you work hard and get tired; we understand.
But the bottom line is, you 1. made plans with your sister, 2. stood her up, and 3. didn’t respond to her calls and texts. And, most importantly, you 4. then lashed out at her. . . for having a wealthy fiancé. Nothing here was her fault. If you didn’t want to go out with her on your only day off, you should have said so in the first place.
There’s nothing in your post that indicates she bullied you into making plans with her. You need to apologize.” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“Started off thinking NTJ until this; well I’m tired from having to work we don’t all have a rich fiancé who can pay for everything.
This immediately turned into YTJ real fast. If you were that tired you could have planned to take a nap before you went out or spent time with her, this just sounds like you’re jealous and resent her for the fact you have to work and she doesn’t.
For her, it’s the time she wanted to spend with you that she was looking forward to and you all of a sudden just stopped replying, which could send most people into a frenzy. But seems like all you care about is how you work and she doesn’t, like that even matters.
I work 9-hour days, it is mentally exhausting and sometimes I don’t want to do anything, but I don’t make this a reason to be a jerk to people who don’t work as long or don’t have as much stress and I can easily cancel or reschedule plans if I’m not feeling up to it.
You sound like the type of person to moan about how nobody cares that you work a lot, but it’s more so that they care about time spent with you that they don’t get and then you say crappy things to offset the fact you could have just taken a nap and then proceeded with plans.” Reddit User
13. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Wife's Friend For Flirting With Her?
“My wife used to model professionally and kept a friend group from those days. Her friend Sam from that group is “naturally flirty” and it’s excused by the whole friend group since “that’s just how he is”, “Sam talks to everyone like that”, and my personal favorite: “he’s a musician, it’s okay.”
Sam recently had a get-together and we were invited. We hadn’t seen him for almost a year and a half. We get there and Sam runs up to us and gives my wife a tight hug and picks her up and twirls her around. Kinda weird to both of us.
He then chats her up (right in front of me) until my wife includes me in the conversation – then he finally said hello and shook my hand. They talk and sure enough, he begins telling my wife crap like she “looks hotter every year” and how “she’s rocking her dress”.
I have a drink in my hand, so I’m tolerating it. We go mingle with another group of people, and then sure enough Sam wanders over after a bit. This is where it gets bad.
It’s about ten of us talking but clearly it wasn’t about Sam, because he then steals the spotlight and starts telling a story about a trip to Colombia.
I stop listening completely but everyone else is eating it up – he then starts talking about how beautiful the women there were and adds “but no one was as h0t as Gabriela” (my wife) and everyone laughs. He then follows that up by saying “seriously, if it doesn’t work out with Jeremy (me) please give me a call” and winks at her.
It was a little much, and she shoots me a look sorta like she was acknowledging my thoughts and halfway apologizing for him at the same time. That was the final straw. I realized that my suffering this type of comments from anyone to fit in is nonsense.
I interrupt him right then and asked what he meant by that comment in a very direct tone, making eye contact. He stops telling his story and tells me he’s just teasing. I tell him it’s a disrespectful thing to say to someone’s wife in front of their husband – to which he tells me “not to worry” since he and my wife have joked like that for years.
I kinda lose it and tell him that “I don’t really give a crap how you and my wife used to joke. You need to be respectful when I’m around.”
The room kinda goes quiet after that. Sam is in full retreat mode after that and says that’s how he talks to everyone, to which I tell him that “your personality doesn’t grant you blanked immunity from being a disrespectful jerk”.
My wife takes my cue and says that maybe it’s time to go so we leave. In the car, we talk about it and she mentions that my reaction might have been a little too much as I apparently “got scary” but she also felt like he was going a little too far.
By the end of the night, she had several texts from that friend group telling her I was in the wrong and that I probably have an anger problem, etc. So now everyone is mad at us for my “outburst” and my wife is possibly at ending being friends with some people.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Fundamentally Sam wasn’t talking to you – and you don’t actually describe him saying anything bad ABOUT you. He was talking to your wife – and it was up to her to draw any boundaries there she felt appropriate under the circumstances.
You moved in and made Sam about you, instead of talking to your wife about your discomfort either then or later or meeting Sam on his actual terrain. Fwiw, I think he was trying to cause an issue between you two out of sheer mischief, and he succeeded specifically because you went for macho posturing instead of communicating with your wife.” poddy_fries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I agree you were maybe more aggressive than you needed to be, but he was blatantly being disrespectful. Who WOULDN’T be disrespected by what he said? That is objectively rude. With that in mind, there are obviously more complex issues here.
You clearly take a lot of pride in the fact that your wife is attractive, and other men notice her. And I have a sneaking suspicion that your wife enjoys the attention, and that’s why she hasn’t put a stop to it. I’m not saying she’s interested in her friend, but I’m sure she likes the little ego boost of knowing other men still find her attractive.
I think you two should have a serious conversation about it because it justifiably bothers you. He can’t keep saying things like that, and then using the “I’m like that with everyone” excuse.” hopskipandajump7
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You’ve never said a word about your distaste for this man’s comments.
So of course everyone in the party is going to think that you have anger problems when you just have a random outburst over this guy. These are long-time friends of your wives and to them, it seems like you have issues, which you do.
Next time before jumping down somebody’s throat try having an actual conversation with them and you might get further but I have a feeling that this isn’t the first time you’ve been silent and then had a blowout fight or screaming match with someone.
I also feel bad for your wife because you just embarrassed her in front of all of her friends.” One_Condition_7001
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My SodaStream With My Roommate?
“My roommate wants to use my SodaStream. I suggested he buy his own. My reasons are as follows.
1. I only have two bottles and don’t want to be limited to one soda at a time.
2. I drink directly from the bottles, so sharing won’t exactly be sanitary.
3. The CO2 will run out faster, which I will have to pay for.
I suggested he buy his own Sodastream and said it was well worth the cost. He said it’s stupid for one household to have two Sodastreams. He said he will buy extra bottles and I should stop drinking directly from the bottles anyway because it’s gross.
He also said he would split the cost of the next CO2 container with me.
I still don’t want to. I want to just use it for myself. He says I am being a jerk. Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, yeah, YTJ for rejecting his reasonable solution of buying his own bottles and splitting the cost of the next CO2 container.
If he is sharing the costs of this equally with you, why would you not want him to use it? To add, I feel like this would be like buying a TV or microwave and not letting your roommates use it. If they’re sharing the cost equally, it’s weird not to share.” 2ndgenerationcatlady
Another User Comments:
“This just sounds like petty roommate stuff. Once it gets into things like these, usually spirals into dumb stuff like “only the person who bought the tv can use it, only the owner of the blender can use it, etc.” The purpose of this is to avoid overcrowding limited space with double everything just to avoid having someone else use it.
Usually, the things in communal areas should be available for the rest to use so long as they’re respectful of those things or if they’ve given you another reason otherwise. He gave you a very reasonable solution but it just sounds like you just don’t want him to touch it at all.
If that’s the case, I’d just bring it into your room. For that I’ll say YTJ.” lobosaguila
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not quite the same but I had a roommate who used my blender and always left it dirty. I would come home from a long day of work and it’d have egg and protein powder on it so I’d have to clean it before use.
I politely asked him to clean it more thoroughly. He said okay, but never did. I started keeping it in my room. He got upset but ended up buying his own. It’s your property. You don’t have to share if you don’t want to.
SodaStreams are cheap on marketplace anyway. You can get a secondhand one for half the price or less.” Fiber_Prize2336
11. AITJ For Lying About My Invisible Disability On Job Applications?
“I’m 21M and have an invisible disability, epilepsy.
It’s generally well-controlled, although here and there I’ll have a brief focal seizure.
I’ve spent the last 3 months or so looking for a new job. I currently work in food service but I’m looking to get a software engineering job (I graduated from a coding Boot Camp earlier this year).
Last night I was on Discord with my friends. We were chatting about jobs and I was streaming my application/cover letter writing process to get advice. The job was a decent, entry-level position at a mid-tier software company. Somewhere along the application process, a question popped up asking if I had any of the listed disabilities, of which epilepsy was included. I clicked that I didn’t have a disability.
My buddy noticed this and asked why I lied. I explained to him how whenever, in the past, I’d click yes, I would never hear back, but when I started clicking no, I suddenly had callbacks.
He chewed me out and told me I was being deceitful to my future employer by denying my disability.
He said it’s no wonder we’re in a hiring crisis because employers end up hiring liars and fakers like myself. I was blown away by his hostility. I called him a jerk before disconnecting from the call.
My other friend on the call messaged me later apologizing for our buddy.
He said while he was on my side, he does think it’s wrong of me to lie about having a disability, even if it furthers my chances of getting a job interview.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you have an invisible disability and don’t click no, you get filtered out.
And a lot of times with that question they mean that for more “visible” disabilities and it could be them assuming that you may have a wheelchair or need physical accommodations that their place of work can’t accommodate (think a small kitchen in a cafe).
Since it’s an invisible disability, I totally understand lying. I also have an invisible disability (narcolepsy with cataplexy) and though I’m open about it now, I wasn’t always. I have lied on many applications knowing that if I didn’t I wouldn’t be considered or get an interview.
I DID let management know about my disability AFTER I was hired and told them I’m medicated and any necessary steps needed for accommodation. This is after the first few shifts or so after they can see that I’m capable of doing the work so there isn’t judgment.
I think your friend means well but doesn’t understand how difficult it is or how the algorithms work. And yes there are anti-discrimination laws, but it’s really hard to prove when you don’t even get a chance to have an interview.” Chiphotochic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you are in the US literally the department that asks for this question has said clearly on their website that you can answer no to if you have a disability. Hiring managers are jerks and do discriminate on all sorts of things.
The question I believe you are referring to is supposed to be used for tracking by the government and not for hiring decisions. And yet people illegally use it for hiring decisions. You can say ‘no’ and it is literally your right to do so.
The questions about gender, race, veteran status, and disability are not part of your actual application and are for the government. I have no idea why so many people with no understanding of the law or what it is like to be discriminated against think they have any clue as to what it is like to look for a job when you are disabled.” Ocelot-Worried
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who is also disabled, it is the only way for us to even get an interview. While discrimination against the disabled is technically illegal, there’s no way to conclusively prove that a company denied us work because of it, since they can just say “we found someone more qualified for the position.” Then the companies (like Goodwill) who do hire disabled people, aren’t required to pay us even the actual minimum wage.
We are just their inspiration. If we don’t lie, we are purposely taken advantage of or denied altogether. There are so many loopholes that it doesn’t matter if the discrimination is technically illegal or not. Heck, most jobs have “requirements” to specifically weed out disabled people from even applying.
The whole “must be able to live this much, have a valid driver’s license, must be available on call at all hours, so on and so forth” are all legal ways of discriminating against us before we can even get an application in. If they didn’t want us to lie, maybe they shouldn’t put so many measures in place to even keep us from applying in the first place.
Because in the U.S., getting on disability is way harder than most seem to think (10,000 people a year die waiting to be approved), and we still have to work to survive. But that’s a whole other rant about how disability is perceived as a moral failing.
You are 100% NTJ and this is something that someone who is not disabled will actually be able to understand because the world was literally built for them. Meanwhile, we have roadblocks at every stage of our existence, just because we dare to exist.” Hyperion_Heathen
10. AITJ For Leaving An Incriminating To-Do List On Display During My Landlord's Apartment Tours?
“My landlord is kind of a slumlord and I’m moving out because of it. He was showing the apartment and I wrote a to-do list on my whiteboard saying:
TO DO:
PAY BILLS:
- Rent: 700
- Electric: 300
- Cell Phone: 62
BUY:
- Toilet Paper
- More Roach Traps
- Rat Traps
CHORES:
- Car Oil Change
- Move things out of closet with plumbing leak above
- Laundry (handwash blazers)
- Buy Mom birthday gift and card
- Follow up on repairs (roaches/ceiling leak/mold/no hot water)
- Pack for Seattle work trip
WORK:
- (A bunch of work tasks listed)
I wrote it in permanent marker figuring he might try to wipe off the parts that mention roaches and water leaks and stuff. (It can still come off with a sanitizing wipe.)
And whenever he showed it, I think people noticed because nobody had been interested in the apartment.
He’s also noticed and told me to take it down and I ignored the messages.
Yesterday he came by with a family and asked me if I could remove the whiteboard and I said “maybe after work, I’m going to need it for my afternoon meetings,” and didn’t really say more.
He was trying to say something else and I said it was the middle of my workday and having tours come by was already an interruption and I needed to get back to work.
AITJ for leaving that sign in my apartment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t want to rent somewhere with broken promises. I don’t want to rent somewhere that may have a rat or roach problem. I don’t want to rent somewhere that has leaks. I don’t want to rent somewhere that is overcharging me. I also don’t want to rent somewhere my apartment will be shown while I still live there.
I don’t care about who moves in when I move out, and I don’t care if the landlord loses a month of rent, I don’t want strangers in my home whether I am there or not.” LilaJax22
Another User Comments:
“Dude, NTJ, I had friends in college who rented an apartment together.
When they looked at it they noticed a funny chemical smell throughout the building but the apartment was well-sized, reasonably priced, and up the street from the school so they signed the lease. Cut to 2-3 weeks later. They discovered the place was infested – not just with roaches and mice but ants, fruit flies, and even centipedes.
The things wouldn’t even run when the lights went on, just carried on with their doings. Turns out the landlord just called fumigators to the building whenever there was an open apartment to show. It wasn’t long before they were getting notices to be out of the building at certain times for fumigation.
Most of their neighbors were in poverty and couldn’t afford to move or international students who didn’t know their rights so he’d gotten away with it. My friends took a ton of pictures and called the Board of Health. They arranged an appointment for an inspection of their apartment and got legal permission to break their lease.
The board of health people were appalled and began procedures to fine the landlord. My friends wrote everything down in a letter and slipped a copy under every door when they left. You’re right- if you see one, there are MANY more in hiding.
Good on you for warning others!” PineapplePizza-4eva
Another User Comments:
“I absolutely did something similar when a slumlord was showing our house. We weren’t even able to live in it by that point due to the mold and mildew inside, we were living in our pitiful old RV outside.
There was an “as-is” clause in the lease that wouldn’t let us get out of it even though it was fuzzy from floor to ceiling in every room once warm weather started. We lost couches, leather clothes, cloth-bound books, and even cassette tapes and VHS tapes were ruined by mold inside their cases.
We left sticky notes everywhere, hidden in the bathroom cabinets, the kitchen, the fridge. We did our best to make sure there were enough that he couldn’t find them all in advance of the showing. I even wrote “BLACK MOLD” in Sharpie on the inside of the cabinet doors under the kitchen sink.
He sent us a nasty note and told us we weren’t getting our deposit back but based on the reviews of this landlord, we wouldn’t have gotten that anyway.” A_Bookish_One
9. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Ignore My Friends' Jokes About Him?
“I (20M) was a jock in high school you know football, baseball, wrestling, etc. I live and grew up in a pretty small town in Tennessee and so most of my friends are guys I grew up with playing sports.
I live with my partner, “Jeb” (21M) who’s a nerdy guy who likes to paint his nails sometimes and a tad fem.
My friends come over a lot and sometimes they joke around with him call him my old lady or ask if I’ve given him funds to get his hair done etc. Just kidding stuff and yeah sometimes I indulge a little but it’s all in good fun.
He told me it bothers him a bit but I reassured him they didn’t mean anything by it. A few weeks ago he just straight up started ignoring my friends when they came over and I asked why he was being rude and he blew up at me saying they’re constantly making fun of him.
I got upset and told him they’re not being serious and it’s just always been like that with the guys and he just let it go.
The guys came over yesterday to play cards and they started ribbing Jeb again and Jeb just went off on them and told them to get out cause “he’s had enough of their nonsense.” I told him to calm down and maybe he wouldn’t get so upset if he didn’t take the jokes so seriously and he started crying and said I was a jerk and went over to his older brother’s.
I’ve gotten calls from both of Jeb’s brothers telling me I’m an inconsiderate jerk and that I need to dump my friends and apologize. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “Call him my old lady or ask if I gave him funds to get his hair done etc.” This is offensive by any standards.
“Sometimes I indulge a little but it’s all in good fun.” Good fun for you and your friends, but at his expense. Never automatically expect people to be okay with people “indulging in good fun” at your expense. “I tell him to calm down and maybe he wouldn’t get so upset if he didn’t take the jokes so seriously.” So I can barrage you with insults and mock you as a person 24/7 because you shouldn’t take jokes so seriously?
YTJ man you need to apologize 100% and yes, you are being very inconsiderate. You don’t need to necessarily dump your friends but you need to shut down their offensive behavior and stand up for your partner.” ThomzLC
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Grow the heck up already.
Your partner has told you and your buddies repeatedly that he’s fed up with your “joking”- what will it take for you to knock it off? Your partner wasn’t being rude by ignoring your friends – he’s not inviting the same treatment he’s been getting from you all.
You all have been ignoring your partner every dang time he tells you all to stop. These aren’t jokes- they aren’t funny. It’s freaking hazing at this point. I’m surprised your partner has endured it this long and hasn’t broken up with you.
You take your partner for granted. It’s not your partner’s job to put up with these “jokes”- he shouldn’t ever have to put up with anything that makes him feel uncomfortable, unheard, and unloved – especially in his own home.” SilentCounter6750
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just because they’re joking doesn’t mean the words don’t hurt. And it sounds like they’re all aiming their jokes at him. Even if somebody could take a joke, when the entire group is focusing all the jokes on one person it tends to get overwhelming and too hard to take.
It seems like he is continuously the butt of the jokes here and you’ve got to ask yourself – is it really just all harmless fun or is this just a way for your friends to get away with treating your partner like crap, hiding their behavior in jokes?
Even if it is just harmless fun in their eyes, can’t you see how somebody would have a hard time taking these constant jokes? You definitely invalidated his feelings. Even if you feel like your partner is overreacting, it’s still unfair of you not to listen to his feelings and at least lighten up on him.
But in this situation, I definitely think he is NOT overreacting and I think you were very blind to what’s going on here. It seems like you prefer the endorsement of your friends and are too afraid to confront them because you don’t want them to think you’re a wuss or “femme“ like your partner.” suliasoul
8. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Mom Over My Graduation Outfit?
“This Monday I am graduating after just barely getting my grades up to the standard, I didn’t think I would walk the stage so I didn’t worry about an outfit or anything but I just found out I am.
I got home and started trying on some outfits then went out shopping because I couldn’t figure out what to wear for my pants and I came back with some up to my knee baggy jeans.
My mom saw them and immediately started yelling at me, saying they made me look fat (mind you I am literally almost underweight and I’ve struggled with an ED all my life) and I couldn’t wear that on my big day, how she didn’t like them and was in all being extremely rude.
I completely broke down crying and started yelling at her and I said quote this “You’re so selfish thinking about yourself on the one day it’s supposed to actually be about me. I’ve tried so hard for 4 years just to walk the stage to make you a little happy and you still think about yourself and critique me when all I ever want to do is make you happy and proud.
You think just because you give me money and buy me things it makes it ok for you to say whatever you want to me and get away with it but it doesn’t, I personally don’t like your clothing and I would even say it’s ugly but guess what?
I actually care about making you feel bad so I don’t. You’re just a bitter selfish person who only thinks for themselves.”
She was furious. She told me I had no right talking to her like this and now she’s refusing to even look at me.
I’m thinking back now through my ugly tears and considering I went too far.
So, am I the jerk for being rude to my mother and calling her selfish for telling me I can’t wear my choice of bottoms?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say both jerks.
Emotions ran high in this instance and you were both awful to each other. Your mom wanted you to look nice for graduation and she wasn’t able to communicate that to you in a way that didn’t make you feel attacked. Obviously, this one comment wasn’t the only incident where she’s been mean to you – and heck maybe there are other stressors that made you snap.
But assuming that your mom is supportive and doing her best, and not a toxic jerk then it was an overreaction. Both of you should apologize to each other and probably sit down and talk about your feelings. Also if my kid got shorts for their graduation outfit, I would be frustrated too.
Typically graduation is a business casual clothing event (button down and khakis or slacks; dress or blouse with a skirt etc).” amanakinskywalker
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm… I would say ESH. First of all, OP. I do think your mother went too far with her comment about your condition and your outfit.
She could’ve just talked to you calmly about your outfits and helped you consider some options for what you’ll wear for your grad. But she didn’t. Which led to the reason why I said ESH – both of you said some hurtful words towards each other.
Her for her comments and being mean first, and you as well for your comments towards her after. I think you owe her an apology for your choice of words toward her. But ultimately, it’s up to you if you will. Of course, she also owes you an apology, too.
And I also think you both need to talk because, I’m only assuming, this runs deeper than just this incident.
I’m not trying to project, but my mother shows her displeasure sometimes that it is borderline hurtful (I grew up in an Asian household, and I know the stereotypes aren’t 100% accurate, but for my family it is).
Words are powerful. It hurts and it will also give you closure to your mom. If she is not someone who’s easily able to open up, you and your mom’s relationship might further get strained. I don’t know how you’ll be able to handle it, and what would you do in that scenario, so I’m sorry I couldn’t offer more perspective that would be helpful in that case.
But please do consider approaching your mother first and opening up about this incident with her when both of you have calmed down.
Finally, I would like to say, congratulations! Despite this incident, you did well and came this far in your education, that in itself is something to celebrate about.
Four grueling years is not a walk in the park, so I really hope that you will enjoy your big day, but also! get to settle things with your mom. Good luck OP! I wish you the best in your future endeavors.” 36green
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have a similar mom to this. For as long as I’ve lived under her roof I had no say in what I could wear when we went out, I had no say on my hairstyle, I was not allowed to hang with friends without a one-week notice, I was not allowed a partner, no cellphone until I was 16 and everything I did had to be done her way.
I really wanted to snap on her but I have no mean genes in me so I never did and just endured until I became independent. Maybe blowing up on her was a bit overkill but if you don’t put your foot down she won’t know how you feel and won’t stop.” Stormwind969
7. AITJ For Not Giving My Partner Part Of My Second Birthday Cake?
“My (F22) partner (M26) of almost two years and I recently moved in together. I am happier than ever and we love each other very much. Yet, he sometimes is very defiant and childish.
It was my birthday a few days ago and my mother sent me a chocolate cake.
We both ate from that one – he ate most of it and that is completely fine. To celebrate with me in person my mother baked another smaller cake for Sunday. My partner was at work that day and therefore didn’t get a piece.
I told him (when the first cake arrived at our home) that I wanted to give a big piece to our landlords as I consider it a polite thing to do because we just moved here. That’s why I didn’t want him to get a piece of that cake as there only was <1/4 left. He got defiant and childish again, saying I got everything and he nothing and implied I wouldn’t do as much for him as he does for me.
After a bit of a childish discussion, I cut off a piece of that cake. Now he got this piece as well as the rest of the chocolate cake. He refuses to eat it, is upset at me, and will not apologize for the comments, provoking noises, etc. he made during our argument because he sees himself in the right.
AITJ for not giving him a piece when he first asked even though I already had told him I wanted to give the rest to our landlords?
INFO: I realize all of this might sound petty and I know I sometimes am – too – a pain in the backside but I ALWAYS apologize when I was in the wrong.
My father never apologized once, we have a difficult relationship and therefore my partner knows how important that is for me.”
Another User Comments:
“So I was gonna say you’re both kinda in the wrong but… listen… OP: This man is 4 years your senior and still throwing baby tantrums like he’s only 4 years old.
Think very seriously about if you want to be this man’s mom. Because that’s what relationships like this become. You become the new mommy to tantrum at, to baby him, to take care of him. YTJ to yourself if you ignore the fact this behavior is a red flag.” SlammyWhammies
Another User Comments:
“So, he ate over half of the original cake and then wanted more of the very small cake that your mom brought over to celebrate with you while he was at work? You wanted to give part of that cake to your new landlords AND had discussed this with him previously?
Now, he thinks he’s not a priority, even though he got over half of the original cake? And he’s sulking even though you cut him a small piece of the small second cake? Just making sure I have everything correct. INFO: what did he do for your birthday?
Any gifts, dinner out? My judgment is NTJ. I think your partner is incredibly juvenile, though.” IcyIssue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At first I was going to say no jerks here because I misread and thought he didn’t get any cake at all, which would still be silly to throw a whole fit over.
But nah, I think your partner is definitely to blame for his little tantrum. This is incredibly childish, reminds me of my best friend’s toddlers. Yeesh. Are you sure he’s ONLY mad about the cake? That would be a total lack of communication on his part but would make a lot more sense than getting mad he couldn’t eat most of your birthday cake.” Moonmold
6. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Half For A Treat My Stepmom Bought Without Prior Agreement?
“I live in Dubai with my (18M) dad (41M) dad, my stepmom (27F), and my stepbrother (5M).
We have lived here for 6 years ever since my dad landed a well-paying job. I’m still in contact with my mom (36F) but we don’t see each other that often since she lives in Europe.
My dad makes a lot of money and although my stepmom does work too she doesn’t work full-time and neither does she earn that much.
This means that my dad pays for a lot of her stuff. When we’re out and about she has always paid for small things like ice cream if my dad isn’t with us.
I had a day off at school today and she didn’t have work so we decided to go to the mall to walk around.
Everything was going fine and we decided to buy a baklava to bring home from this premium shop they have downstairs. It’s extremely good but also extremely expensive. One quite small box is about $30. We ended up buying it and eating it at home since eating in public is rude during Ramadan.
Here comes the twist though. We had eaten the box with the three of us but after a while, she comes knocking on my door asking me to pay half of it. See, I don’t have any problem paying my half if she informs me about it but she had never told me that I had to pay my part.
I told her exactly that and that I would be open to paying my share next time as long as she informed me in advance.
She got really angry at me and now we have this petty thing going on.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The window for negotiating splitting costs is up until the time of purchase.
It would be a different story if she had asked “hey would you mind paying half of this, sorry I didn’t bring it up earlier” instead of getting mad about it, but you’d still be in the clear.” icouldliveinhope
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should’ve made her expectations clear before buying it not after it had been eaten.
Also don’t understand why she’s asking for half when 3 of you shared it. I understand your stepbrother wouldn’t be able to pay at 5 but that doesn’t automatically bump your share to half.” SalamanderTemporary7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve rarely heard of a parent asking a kid to pay for “their half” of a shared treat.
Even an expensive one. I hate to say it, but I suspect that the issue here is that your stepmom is so close in age to you that she sees hanging out with you and sharing treats as more like hanging with a friend than with her stepkid, which is not a bad relationship to have if it works for you, but it would also clearly skew her attitude about “who pays for what” if she doesn’t see herself as your “parental figure”.
Either way, you’re NTJ because you’re right, if she wanted you to pay half she should have said something at the time you bought it. And she IS your stepmom, and clearly YOU see her that way since you refer to her that way (which honestly, I think is refreshing .
. . it’s nice that y’all get along so well given the age situation).” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
5. AITJ For Feeling Used And Ignored At My Friend's Wedding?
“I, 30 y/o female, attended a friend’s wedding where my fiancé was a groomsman. The bride and I became close during her wedding planning, talking daily and sharing details. She initially asked me to be a bridesmaid, retracted the offer, asked again, and then retracted it again.
As the wedding approached, she relied on me for emotional support, particularly about issues with her MOH, who was problematic and almost got kicked out.
Fast forward to the wedding weekend. For context, the Airbnb to the venue is 1 hour, and the bride’s house is in the middle.
We all stayed in an Airbnb at the bride’s request. She asked me to pick up the wedding cake, which was an hour from the Airbnb and two hours from the venue. I agreed. Later, I was asked to pick up supplies from her house and bring them to the Airbnb, which I also did.
While the bridal party was at rehearsal, a friend Kayla and I were tasked with setting up a Mamma Mia night for the bride after one bridesmaid ran out of time. However, although Kayla and I were initially told we were invited, when it started, the MOH slammed the door on us, saying it was for bridesmaids only.
One bridesmaid, Amanda, started making advances toward my fiancé and other married men, saying she didn’t care if they were married. Jamie, another friend, overheard this and told Kayla and me.
Saturday: wedding day. I helped decorate the bridal suite, which another bridesmaid failed to do.
I also steamed six groomsmen’s suits since I was the only one with a steamer and they were all horribly wrinkled. The wedding was poorly organized: no non-booze drinks except water, reused unrinsed cups, and insufficient food (dry, cold pasta). The bride ignored Kayla, Jamie, and me the entire time.
After the wedding, Amanda continued to make advances.
Sunday: “I Do” BBQ, the bride confronted me in the bathroom. I explained everything, but she dismissed it as a miscommunication. When Amanda continued her inappropriate behavior, I warned the bride I would handle it. Amanda’s advances continued, even spreading her legs in front of the men.
Many people, including the groom’s family and friends, noticed Amanda’s behavior and asked us about it. Later, Amanda boxed me in when I tried to talk to my fiancé, exaggerating her reaction when I bumped her with my elbow throwing herself onto the couch spreading her legs in the air all while in a dress.
The bride cracked and started yelling and screaming at everyone.
Monday: we’d had enough. The bride was yelling at everyone to clean the Airbnb. Kayla, Jamie, and I decided we were done, packed up, didn’t help, and waited to say goodbye. The bride ignored my attempt to say goodbye and subsequently blocked us on social media.
I was used and taken advantage of throughout this entire friendship; never thanked for everything I did that weekend. My fiancé talked to the groom, and apparently, he understands and agrees, but I still haven’t gotten an apology from the groom or bride. In the end, the joke is on me: the groom is a groomsman at my wedding, and we still have to invite her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself. Not only were you used, treated horribly, and never got an apology from both the groom and bride but you still want them in your own wedding. You must be a masochist or sucker more of an idiot for still wanting them in it.
You should have a discussion with your fiancé about all of the horrible treatment you got before and during the wedding and ask yourself if this is the kind of friend you still want to see or keep, I certainly would not. They showed you who they really are and frankly, they do not deserve to be in your wedding even more as friends.
There is a saying, you deserve what you allow or tolerate.” adie_sammy1202
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for letting the friendship end. You didn’t provide any info that there was a friendship. You were an acquaintance. And apparently, you are a really nice person that she saw as usable.
That’s who and what she is. But now it’s your time to shine! If your fiancé is worthy of becoming your husband, then he will support you in any decision you make about her attendance. Maybe you do feel obligated to invite her. But you don’t have to do anything else.
You don’t need to be concerned about her comfort, wishes, or inclusion in any way. She can simply be the chick on the groom’s arm. Congratulations! Happy wedding and happy life!” groovymama98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nope. Hard nope on inviting her to the wedding, which means her husband won’t be a groomsman.
After what his wife put you through, there’s no way your fiancé’s friend should be standing up with him or even going to your wedding. Your future spouse needs to understand that you’re not trying to dictate his relationship with his friend but that the two couples are never going to be close because of how his wife chose to behave towards you.
I don’t care if they’ve been lifelong childhood friends. This is about your fiancé understanding that his loyalty now belongs first to you. In the future, if the two guys want to hang out one-on-one, that’s okay–but inviting her by extension to your wedding? Not even hardly.
(And you already know she won’t let him come without her).” moew4974
4. AITJ For Choosing A Hotel Over Family Home During Our Visit To Maintain Our Mental Health?
“I’m 38, married with two kids, and have been living out-of-state for the past 16 years. My childhood was complicated by my parents’ divorce, which often left me feeling divided between two homes.
We’re planning a trip back to my hometown for a week to visit family and friends, including my mom, stepdad, dad, stepmom, sister, stepsister, cousins, and sister-in-law.
My mom and stepdad plan to take my eldest child to a family camp with their other grandchildren, which I think is a wonderful opportunity for them to bond.
In preparation for our visit, I booked flights and a hotel that’s centrally located and within 30 minutes of everyone we wanted to see.
The hotel has a pool and other amenities that will make our stay more like a vacation. When I shared our plans with my mom, including the hotel booking, she seemed disappointed and offered her house instead, saying it’s nicer than a hotel.
I explained that while we appreciate her offer, we need our own space and want to ensure our trip feels like a vacation.
I also mentioned that we’ve had similar offers from other family members, but we believe a hotel provides a neutral location that’s fair to everyone.
My mom expressed that she was hurt by our decision. She couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t want to stay in her home, especially since she was offering us the entire downstairs basement, which she insists is nicer than any hotel room.
I reiterated that our choice to stay in a hotel is not a slight against her. It’s about managing the stress that comes with visiting so many family members and ensuring that we have a fair and balanced experience. Staying at a hotel gives us the chance to recharge and be fully present when we’re spending time with family.
She continued to push back, arguing that staying at her house would save us money and provide an opportunity for deeper family bonding. She listed the amenities of her home, like the lake, club pool, and ample space for hosting gatherings, as reasons why we should reconsider.
Later, my sister reached out via text, saying that our decision felt like a slap in the face. She emphasized that the kids were looking forward to spending time together and that family should make sacrifices for each other.
I responded by saying that our decision to stay at a hotel won’t affect the quality time we spend with family.
It’s about creating a balanced experience for everyone involved and taking care of our mental health. We need a place where we can decompress after a day of visiting.
My sister replied, saying that I am being selfish for the one week a year we’re in town.
She said it’s important to be with family and that we should stay with them while still having the freedom to see everyone we want. My sister does not live with my parents, but is in the next neighborhood over from them.
Despite the insult, I thanked her for her understanding.
So, AITJ for choosing a hotel to maintain our mental health, even if it means upsetting my mom and sister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We travel across the US to visit family and I’ll no longer stay at anyone’s house. It’s hard to manage your own family in someone else’s home.
You have to sort of adjust to their schedule and be “on” all the time. Having a hotel etc allows you to recharge, have some privacy, and not worry about everyone else. I have two young kids and it’s so difficult to have to watch them like hawks to make sure they don’t accidentally damage something.
In someone else’s house, you don’t know what their expectations are, what items are not kid-friendly, etc. It’s just a lot to deal with when you’re supposed to be on a “vacation.”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like you’re getting a hotel room a hundred miles away.
You’re trying to accommodate everyone you want to see without choosing one group or person over another. Furthermore, you’re giving your core family room to decompress after so much together time. When my family would have reunions, it would be 15 people in a 4-bedroom house.
There was no quiet, no alone time, no calm time. The younger kids would sneak into rooms; the older kids would sneak out. There was no downtime to decompress. If you’re okay with the kids potentially missing out on midnight shenanigans, then staying separate is better.” bare_bear_ftm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m 4 months pregnant, and we are visiting my MIL in 2 weeks’ time and booked a B&B nearby. She is incredibly insulted and arguing with us – she feels it’s a personal slight on her home and hospitality. I’m just super uncomfortable all the time as is and want my own space and my own bathroom (they only have one in the whole house for everyone) in the evenings to make it a little easier.
I have stayed in her home, in my husband’s childhood bed which gives me back pain, every visit for 10 years without complaint. She said she’d rather we didn’t come if we didn’t want to see them – it’s about control.” DaBaileys
3. AITJ For Not Being Interested In Baby Shopping With My Pregnant Wife?
“Let me be clear I am over the moon my wife is pregnant and we are having a baby.
Like really, really excited. However, I am just not that into discussing the intricacies of strollers, car seats, and cribs yet. Like I really just don’t care at this moment as I’ve got a lot else going on. Plus, we will be moving before the baby arrives and I look at it all as just more stuff I’m going to have to move around.
So today, my first day off in a while, I was going to do some errands for myself. Wife wanted to join to get out of the house – no problem. After popping into a few stores she wants to go check out some cribs & car seats – no problem.
So she’s looking at them in the store and I’m following her around, texting friends on my phone while she looks.
After a while, she accuses me of not being into it, and to be honest I’m really just not into the whole shopping thing and I could care less what type of crib/bassinet/car seat/stroller we get as long as it’s safe.
Apparently, this is a problem and my day off just went sour.
Am I the jerk for not really being that into this stuff at this point? Is it standard practice to accumulate all this stuff so far in advance? Are most husbands that into talking about this stuff for hours?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A major one. Your wife is going to get more uncomfortable as the pregnancy goes on. Do you think she will be able to walk around shopping any easier when you decide you can be bothered in a few months?
And it will just get more stressful to get certain things like strollers. A lot of this stuff needs to be ordered in and can take several weeks or months to arrive. Never mind the expense and stress on her needing to buy it all last minute.
This is clearly important to your wife and you’re kind of being selfish and lazy. You made the choice to have a kid. So be an adult and step up. If you think it’s hard shopping for a kid, wait until you’re actually raising it… they don’t give a care if you’re “feeling it” that day or not.” Excellent-Ostrich908
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife is right. It needs to get done. I left things too late in my pregnancy with my 4mo and he ended up being 6 weeks early. I had to send my parents to Target to buy baby clothes and blankets after my son was born, because we had nothing to bring my son home in, in January.
Get the car seat and bassinet. Make sure you open the boxes and confirm everything is in working order. We didn’t open our car seat when it arrived. It sat in the box only for my poor husband to discover it was broken after I was already admitted to the hospital for my emergency induction.
He got stuck scrambling around fixing all our mistakes. None of the baby furniture was put together. It made for an uncomfortable time. Just get it knocked out now, and then you can relax. If you don’t care what she picks, that’s one thing. Let her choose whatever she likes.
If she insists you be involved, feign enthusiasm and agree with her on every choice.” ArcheryOnThursday
Another User Comments:
“Ugh yes YTJ. Please look into emotional labor, because that’s what you’re forcing your wife to do all of. You say you only care that the baby stuff is safe, right?
Okay so did you look them up and find the ones with the highest safety ratings? I’m gonna assume you didn’t. So you don’t really care about making sure it’s safe, you care about making your wife make sure it’s safe because SOMEONE HAS TO, and if you aren’t helping at all then it’s all on her.
It’s fine for you to not be as enthused about it as she is, she’s probably nesting after all while you just aren’t because you’re not pregnant, but it’s not fine for you to not participate. You don’t need to actually buy the baby stuff right now, but it will serve you well to at least write down lists of your top 3 in each category.
You’re in for a rude awakening when the baby comes if you don’t know the features/how to work your own child’s things. How do we fold up this stroller? How do we detach/attach the car seat? Where is the ______? Unless you plan on making your wife do all of the child care or force her to teach you how to use your own child’s things… which makes you an even bigger jerk.” Reddit User
2. AITJ For Charging My Sister's Friends For Being Their Designated Driver?
“I (F21) have a sister (F18) who is going to a party this weekend. Now, I am not one to condone underage drinking, but she did just graduate high school and just wants to have fun. She asked me to be the designated driver, which I agreed to because I want her to be safe.
I am not going to be at the party, I’m just dropping her off and picking her up.
Yesterday, she made me aware that I was going to be picking up her friends and dropping them back off at their respective houses as well.
All in all, it would be almost an hour each way to get them all to and from the party location. I decided to charge them because, as we all know, gas is very expensive these days and I’ll be taking time out of my night and staying up late to do this.
Literally just $5 a person to pick them up from their houses, drop them all off at the party, pick them up again (very late at night I may add), and drop them back off at their houses.
My sister is now mad at me for charging them.
I told her she could either find someone else in her group to be the DD or she could Uber. I’m not going to the party, so I would be driving them with basically no reward or compensation in the end. She hasn’t spoken to me since.
Every time I walk into the room, she rolls her eyes and leaves. My mom thinks I’m the jerk as well. What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“With the price of gas at the moment, NTJ. Even without the price of gas, you are giving up two hours of your free time.
Your sister needs to learn that there is “no free lunch” in this life. This isn’t the same thing as giving your sister a lift somewhere. This is you being a taxi driver. Stick to your guns.” Infamous-Wasabi-9007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! As someone who is DD regularly for friends and family, I always ask for gas money.
AND they are underage, so you could potentially get into a lot of trouble. If they got an Uber it would cost more than that, and they will be safer riding with you than a stranger. You are taking time out of your night to ensure that they are safe, that’s definitely worth the measly 5 bucks compensation.” julielorilee-
Another User Comments:
“You’re kinda the jerk. You’re the big sister. She’s likely bragged about you to her friends & now she has to tell them that you’re actually charging them. Make your sister pay you back another way. Have her wash your car or pay for lunch.
This is how favors work. You’ll score cool points with her friends, repair things with her & have yourself a favor coming to you.” HandfulOfEarth
1. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mom Because She Won't Let My Partner Stay With Us?
“I’m 24M, my partner is 25M and we live together. I’m out to my mum, but not to my dad.
They are divorced and are barely civil – they speak to each other only if it has something to do with me. Since I don’t feel my dad would be supportive of me, I’m not planning on coming out to him any time soon.
Since we live in a different city from them, it’s been easy hiding my life from my dad.
On to the story: My partner and I are supposed to visit my hometown, and our original plan was to stay with a friend so we could be together.
Today we found out this won’t be possible due to unforeseen circumstances. I asked my mum if we could stay with her and she said that I can always come stay with her, but not my partner, because I’m not out to my dad, and she doesn’t want to lie to him.
If I told my dad the truth, my partner could come. Please note that my mum and dad don’t live together or interact with each other on a regular basis.
This made me very upset and we had a fight. I told her that if she does this, my relationship with her will greatly deteriorate.
She said that I’m blackmailing her, because she has to do what I say, and potentially upset my dad, or lose me. That is what made me feel like I might be the jerk. We haven’t spoken since.
So tell me did I go too far or am I being reasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I know I’ll probably get downvoted for this because my reasoning is even more ‘radical’ than the other NTJ votes so far. Your mom has a duty to protect you first and foremost. Some people here are saying ‘well you shouldn’t be forced to come out, but it’s not fair to put her in a position where she has to lie…” Actually?
That’s the least she can do to support her LGBTQ kid. People are always asking “how can we be a good ally?” THIS is how. She can decide that her child means more to her than the small possibility of maybe having to lie to a man she barely even speaks to.
While she is still an autonomous individual who can set her own boundaries and make her own choices, it’s absolutely valid to inform her that if she’s unwilling to be in your corner on this, you see your relationship with her suffering. Yep, it’s still her decision and you can’t force her to let you stay with her, but her being allowed to make those choices doesn’t exempt her from being considered morally wrong or otherwise “a jerk.” We always say being legally right doesn’t automatically make someone morally right, and this is a case where while she can do what she chooses to do, I will absolutely judge that choice as morally wrong.
She’s trying to be “neutral” instead of supporting her LGBTQ child.” notokintheslightest
Another User Comments:
“Ohhh, so she’s one of THOSE people. From an older queen, you are NTJ. Who gets told and when should always be decided by the person coming out (unless they are someone actively campaigning against LGBTQIA+ rights).
I suspect that your mother is doing this for the same reason mine does. She likes the attention she feels she gets when she is the first to deliver news. You can bet it wouldn’t stop at your father. Once the dam is broken, all of your relatives would mysteriously start finding out as well.
In conclusion, your mother sounds like an attention-seeking gossip who can’t bear to keep a secret. Been there, done that, and got the unpleasant t-shirt as a memento. Do what is right for you. Anyone who tries to dictate these situations or make it about themselves can just leave!” Agitated_Try_8662
Another User Comments:
“You’re being unreasonable. It’s terrible to be in the closet. When you come out to people but then ask them to treat this as a secret from others, you’re not actually coming out, you’re just pulling more people into the closet with you.
It’s a crappy position to put others in, especially indefinitely. Your mom has really good reasons to not want to have to actively lie to her fellow parent, even though their contact is quite minimal. Just come out to your dad already. Or don’t if your relationship is that bad, but lift the veil of silence from your mom.
Sounds like your mom has been plenty accommodating already. It’s more than fair of her to set this as the boundary where it feels too actively deceptive for her to go along with. YTJ.” Jaded_Lab_1539
