People Give Us A Look Into Their “Am I The Jerk?” Problems
21. AITJ For Giving Away My Sister's Room After She Stopped Babysitting?
“My sister Lanie lived with my family for her first year of university. We didn’t charge her anything. In return, she was supposed to help around the house and babysit for us when we needed. It was maximum two weeknights and one day/night on the weekend.
It worked great until it didn’t. After her first semester, she decided it was unfair and started refusing to do it.
Our kids aren’t in diapers and are pretty self-sufficient. We just needed an adult there to make sure they were okay.
We talked to my mom and dad about it and they said that she deserved a social life.
My wife has a lot of family and friends who send their kids to the States for an education. So we made arrangements to get one of her “cousins” to come stay with us.
My sister moved out to go home for the summer. My wife’s family friend moved in.
We made sure we told my parents about it so they could arrange for my sister to stay in dorms or rent an apartment with friends. They understood.
My sister has gone nuts, however. She is upset that I gave away “her room”. That she didn’t pay for and that came with free food, internet, utilities, and access to a car if she needed.
She thinks we are being vindictive. I think we had a deal and she and our parents tried to change it.
Maria, the girl staying with us has been great. She tutors the kids and we have to tell her to stop cleaning because we have a cleaning lady.
Maria is getting four nights a week to herself and one weekend day. The exact same as my sister. We are helping her get a license so she can drive the kids if she needs. We will give her access to a car as well if we aren’t using them.
My sister is upset because she was going to use the money from her summer job as fun money for the year and now she will have to use it for housing, transportation, and food. She will also need a job during the school year so her social life will be impacted.
I tried talking to her about it but she said I was being unfair and cheap.
If we pretend we were paying her $25 an hour that would be 16 hours X $25 X 4 weeks, $1,600 a month.
Rent, all utilities, food, and access to a car for $1,600 is pretty good in our city.
Dorms plus a meal plan will be more this fall.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister had a sweet deal with free rent in exchange for babysitting, then reneged. You found a similar arrangement with Maria who actually fulfills the babysitting duties. Your sister’s upset about losing the perks, but you offered a fair alternative and kept costs low for her.
Explain the situation, highlight the benefits of dorms, and offer help finding a part-time job.” Babesmichelle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! She bit the hand that was feeding her. Guess what, grow up little girl! Life is not as easy as she would like it to be, we all feel that way.
She is upset because she now has to actually be responsible for herself and become an adult, boo hoo! And congratulations on graduating into the real world! You did the right thing, she had to stand on her own at some point. It will be good for her to struggle some, it will teach her some humility and build her self-confidence, hopefully.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To start that was never her room. It was a guest room you allowed her to use. She also moved out without checking if she’d be allowed back the next year. It’s your room. Let whoever you want use it. “…now she will have to use it for housing, transportation, and food.
She will also need a job during the school year…” Well well well if it isn’t the consequences of her actions. Also, she was supposed to have a job last year. She opted not to do it and you were generous enough to not kick her out.
Instead, she got to quit the agreement/job, finish out the school year in your guest room, and move out on her own timetable when summer began. That’s exceedingly generous. Ignore your ungrateful sister. Her temper tantrum will end soon enough. I’m glad Maria is working out so well.” ApprehensiveBook4214
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend To Join My Fiancé And Me On Our Romantic Trip?
“My (22F) fiance (23M) and I are going on our first trip together. I’m really excited as this is my first time on a plane, and even leaving the state I’ve lived in my whole life.
We’ve been planning for this trip since earlier this year, and we’ve gotten our tickets as well as accommodations. Altogether, we’ve already spent about $4500 USD on everything, which has been something we’ve been saving for as we’re both college students.
Our trip is in about a month, and in comes my friend, we’ll call her Ashley (22F), who’s been my friend for about a year.
She’d brought up going to Japan as well, kind of jokingly, when we told her about the trip. I didn’t think she was serious, but then she brought it up a few more times, even saying that she had a family member she could stay with.
She asked if she could spend some time during the days joining us on our adventures while this family member was at work. I was supportive of this idea, as I know this would be her first time in Japan as well, and I care about her.
However, all of a sudden, she told me she wanted to get the tickets, but her family member no longer would have space for her to stay. She wants to know if she can stay in our accommodations and join us on our flight back home.
I let her know that our accommodation has strict rules against having more than 2 people, and there’s only one small bed in this studio. She said she’d be fine sleeping anywhere on the floor or couch, etc. I told her that I’d feel more comfortable if we didn’t chance a fee or getting in trouble in general, as I really just want a comfortable stay.
I told her that we’re still willing to spend time with her during the day, and I began sending her accommodations in her budget. I was hoping this would be enough. Instead, she’s just asking if we can cancel our accommodations and pay for larger accommodations that can have a bed for her as well.
Mind you, she’s not saying she will help us pay for the more expensive accommodation or anything else for that matter. She simply just wants to stay with us and for us to pay for a different accommodation.
It seems like no matter what I say, she just keeps trying to manipulate me into letting her stay with us.
This is also hard cause I know my fiance and I really wanted this to be a romantic trip for us both, as we likely won’t be able to afford another for a few years as we finish school. I’m just stuck on what to say or do, and if I’m the jerk here.
Should I be okay with my friend staying in our accommodation and joining in on our trip?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you will be if you allow her to go. This was to be a romantic trip for you and your partner. She invited herself claiming she had someone she could stay with.
This was probably false all along and she waited until the last minute to ask if she could stay with you, thinking she could guilt you into it. Then when you told her no she wanted you to pay for a larger accommodation so she could stay, but she offered you no money.
Chances are she also has no money for accommodations or food and planned to mooch off you and your partner on all your sightseeing and meals. Just tell her no. You are not willing for her to join at all, maybe sometime in the future but this is just a trip for you and your partner.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“Can’t people just tell the truth? Tell your friend it’s a romantic trip for two and that we cannot accommodate you because we want to be alone for a romantic trip. If you are in Japan while we’re there, we can make some time to hook up during the day, but at night we have plans.
And they do not include a third. Just be honest, it’s a romantic trip for two. Tell her it’s your first trip together as a couple and you wanted to be lovey-dovey and romantic. All the beating around the bush and wondering what to say gets old.
Be the adult you are and actually use your words and tell her the truth. You don’t want to be mean about it, but you don’t want a third wheel, and explain that to her in a nice and loving way. It’s really simple. You’re making this much harder than it needs to be.
NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I also have a friend who has major issues with boundaries and it took me a long time to figure out she didn’t mean to step over me, she just didn’t understand the subtleties of saying no. Whenever I would say a no that gives outside excuses that many people would normally understand (like you saying that your room doesn’t allow one more person) she would hear “it would be a yes if it wasn’t for this one little detail, so I am determined to find a solution!” All the while I thought her finding workarounds for my “no” was rude and boundary stomping.
Ever since I realized that she simply didn’t understand, I have been more direct with saying no and she’s really happy to respect boundaries. It was a game-changer! Even a gentle “No, sorry, I don’t feel like it” she’d just go “Okay!” with no repercussions or drama.
It’s unfortunate because she has lost many friends due to this. Saying “No, sorry, it’s supposed to be a romantic getaway, so we can’t really have a 3rd person tagging along” can go a long way! Hopefully for you, she’s a bit like my friend in that way.
We never know, some people really are that rude and entitled.” Soumeeimhere
19. AITJ For Choosing My Best Friend Over My Stepsister For A School Ski Trip?
“My high school does a ski trip for juniors every year in April or May. This year we went in May. My stepsister and I are both 17 and we went on the trip.
My mom and her husband apparently expected us to “buddy up”, which is what our school calls choosing a roommate lol, for the trip but my best friend and I had already made plans way ahead of time. Plus I really didn’t love the idea of having my stepsister as a roommate.
I don’t really care much for her and I already live with her so I wanted a break.
But one student ended up not coming because she was sick so they had an uneven number of students and we were asked to “buddy up” again.
I chose my best friend again and because they don’t like each other at all (best friend and stepsister) we were never contenders for my stepsister to share with. She ended up with two other girls. My mom and her husband were so angry when they learned my stepsister ended up with two girls she didn’t really know.
It was explained to them why the buddy-up happened the way it did and they told me I should have chosen my stepsister over my best friend for that, especially when my best friend has more friends and would’ve had more fun without me than my stepsister could.
So the issues with my best friend and stepsister started back in second grade. This was before my stepsister was my stepsister. It got worse when my mom married again because my stepsister wanted me to choose her over my best friend and I never have, never will.
She wanted a sister and best friend in one but I didn’t want that. Since then her jealousy got so bad. She’ll complain that I do stuff with my best friend like share a bed, (on vacation we had to share a room before and only had one bed and I took the couch in the room instead) or that I shop for my best friend’s birthday but let mom take care of gifts for her.
She’s jealous that my best friend and I have matching friendship necklaces. She pestered me for selfies together because I have loads of me and my best friend and one of those is the contact photo on my phone but I have nothing special for her.
I did try to hang out with my stepsister a few times but she expected me to drop my best friend so I stopped hanging out with her.
My stepsister was hurt I wouldn’t choose her for the buddy-up thing, her dad was angry and took my phone and laptop for a week, my mom let him and told me it could have been a good chance for us to have a “sister moment” and when I made a face she told me I could have my stepsister a lot longer than my best friend.
I told her even if my best friend and I drift apart or we’re not friends in the future I wouldn’t see my stepsister as my sibling or my sister. Mom was like oh that’s really unfortunate because she is and I can’t change that even if I don’t want her.
She also told me it was still no excuse to not make sure my stepsister was with me on the trip and I had chosen badly.
It’s still this really annoying topic in our house and it’s a month later. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
A forced relationship is never going to work, and if you weren’t forced to be this girl’s step-sister then you wouldn’t even talk with her. You guys don’t mesh together, and that’s fine. It’s insane you were punished for this, and very sad that your mother supported this ridiculous punishment.
Must be tough living with bullies like that. You aren’t responsible for making sure your step-sister has a good time. You aren’t her babysitter. Sounds like she doesn’t have many friends? If that’s the case, then it’s likely her causing that – again, not your problem.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your mom you want her to solve the problem by divorcing her husband, falling in love with your best friend’s father, and marrying him. When she tells you that’s not an option, tell her people are not interchangeable for you either, and you cannot just stop loving one person and start loving another to suit HER preferences for HER relationships.
And it is as unfair to punish you for not making your stepsister your favorite bestest friend because your mother happened to marry her father as it would be to punish your mother for falling in love with your stepsister’s dad instead of your best friend’s dad when you would have preferred to have her for a sister.” Katja1236
Another User Comments:
“You are 17 and your parents are still trying to force a sisterly relationship where there isn’t one? That seems incredibly shortsighted and like inept parenting. In a little while they will have no power to enforce their way of thinking and then what?
Try to explain to them that they aren’t making you feel closer to her, only making you resent both them and her. Then remind them that you won’t be under their roof forever, but in the time you have left, they are actively working towards destroying any chance of a real and natural relationship with her, by forcing it.
Anyway, consider your options for when you are 18. I moved out and in with my best friend because home was unbearable. Perhaps you have such an option.” Silmariel
18. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend Who Constantly Tries To Convert Me To His Religion?
“I am an atheist and I don’t talk about it unless the topic of religion comes up. A month ago, my friend asked if I wanted to go to church and I said that I am an atheist. Since then, he regularly sends me reels that ‘prove’ atheism is stupid and he tells me this in person too.
He won’t change the subject, so after a month, it was the last straw when he said, ‘You’re going to a bad place because you don’t believe in God.’
I snapped and said, ‘WELL SORRY FOR NOT BELIEVING IN SOME RANDOM GUY WHO LIVED 2000 YEARS AGO.’ And now he and a few other friends are calling me out, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People loooove to push their religion onto others and deem they must believe what they do (while crying about “agendas” from other people, but that’s a different story.) Then cry and play victim when they’re called out on it. Cut him off because he sounds bad.
Or start sending him scientific links debunking his religious beliefs. Since he loved to do that to you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
““You’re going to a bad place because you don’t believe in God” is such a weird thing to say to someone who, you know, doesn’t believe in such.
If your God is all-loving then he would understand why I don’t believe in something with no evidence and let me into heaven. If he’s all-knowing, he wouldn’t be surprised. If your God sends people to a bad place for not believing in him, then he’s kind of a jerk and I feel justified in not believing him.
To be fair, he also gives kids cancer so this is probably the case anyway. In which case, why would I want to be wherever he is? Plus, I’m pretty sure all the fun people would be in a bad place. The bacon too.” In_need_of_chocolate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (and I say this as a Christian who would happily take you to church with me). Atheism isn’t “stupid”. The fact that I think your belief that God doesn’t exist is wrong doesn’t mean that it’s not rational – in fact, most of the “proofs” that atheism is wrong that are put out by conservative evangelicals (your friend is a conservative evangelical, isn’t he?) are irrational and contain a whole bunch of logic holes.
I don’t think I can prove God’s existence to you. We could have a conversation about why I believe what I do, but I can’t make you agree with me. And I don’t find your statement offensive. You don’t think God exists, you don’t think Jesus is God, and so, to you, he was just “some random guy 2000 years ago”.
I think snapping at him after he won’t stop going on about your lack of religion is understandable. Sure, it’s better not to lose your temper, but most people will yell and shout if provoked enough.” _mmiggs_
17. AITJ For Kicking My Stepsister Out Of My Birthday Trip For Body Shaming My Friend?
“I (19F) am the daughter of separated parents, and my father’s new wife has a daughter, Sophie (18F).
Last year my friends and I, including my best friend, May (20F), Debby (20F), and another 4 girls, decided to go on a trip to celebrate my birthday.
My father called me to ask me to take Sophie with us because she felt a little left out and I accepted it, even if Sophie and I didn’t have a close relationship.
The trip was one of the best of my life, but I noticed that May was a little down.
I asked what was wrong and she said she was fine, just a little tired, so I believed her.
When we returned home, we promised that the following year we would repeat the trip if possible.
But this year, when I started preparing everything, Debby came to talk to me and showed me prints from a group chat that I was not part of, which had the exact date of the time we were on the trip, last year, where Sophie was talking bad about May and calling her names, like “Whale”, “Fat jerk” and other cruel things.
(For context, May is a larger woman.)
I spoke to May and she confirmed that during the trip, Sophie was completely unpleasant to her, always commenting on her body and her personality, for no apparent reason. But she didn’t say anything, so as not to ruin the vibe of the trip party, and to not create tension between me and my father’s side of the family, and after the trip, she ended up forgetting about it completely.
I went to my father’s house and told Sophie that I knew everything, and she turned pale when she saw the prints I had.
I basically kicked her out of the trip and told her I didn’t want to see her again.
Now, the other girls in the group, apart from Debby and May, are saying that I was a jerk for kicking Sophie out for something so insignificant, and that if Sophie doesn’t go, neither will they.
Am I a jerk for kicking her out?”
Another User Comments:
“OP. For the record, May is a keeper and a true friend. She put up with a lot from Sophie so as not to ruin your trip. She is not a drama queen and neither is Debby.
These are friends you can trust and depend on. Sophie sounds like someone who puts others down so she can feel superior. It is a low self-esteem thing. Kinda sad if you think about it. You could almost feel sorry for her if she wasn’t being so hurtful.” Key_Plastic_3372
Another User Comments:
“To be honest, there seems to be more to the group’s dynamic than what the post lets on. More than someone simply bringing a stepsister along for the ride on a trip. Why is there a chat among her friends that includes the stepsister but excludes the OP?
It sounds like Sophie may have had a closer prior relationship with at least some of them than the OP herself, which explains why they would now take Sophie’s side. NTJ, and OP, it sounds like you have outgrown this friend group. Keep the ones you want, and ditch the rest.” Little-Rise798
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – put it this way, if you let Sophie go, you will be the biggest jerk to your friend, May, who sounds like a real friend. She thought of YOUR feelings and took abuse to protect YOU and make sure YOU had a good birthday and that YOUR family dynamic wasn’t upset.
Think about that. Think about what she endured for YOU. And here you are, actually wondering if you should bring Sophie along? Wow. That shouldn’t even be a consideration. Go with May and Debby – they sound like the “real” and “authentic” human beings in this dynamic.
Friends capable of empathy and consideration, friends who care about YOU. I hope you can rise to their level and be the friend that THEY both deserve.” DragonFireLettuce
16. AITJ For Calling My Sister-In-Law A Spoiled Brat After Years Of Jealousy And Resentment?
“My wife Lauren (35f) has a younger sister Karley (27f) and the two of them have a very strained relationship. A lot of this is from Karley being the baby who was babied and the center of attention for many, many years.
She loves having the spotlight on her and always seemed to dislike Lauren getting any of the attention. When Lauren graduated high school a very big deal was made out of it and Karley threw a huge tantrum so their father had to leave the celebrations with Karley so Lauren and the rest of the family could celebrate.
She was only 10 at the time and a kid, so I know kids don’t always act the best. But that was just the beginning of what seems to be jealousy or resentment of Lauren whenever she gets any attention. Karley fussed when Lauren and I got married because she wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid and was told she could not wear the white dress she got for it.
She was 16 at the time and whined like a 6-year-old over that dress. She tried to wear it on the day and was told she would be left at home if she didn’t wear something else.
When she heard Lauren and I were struggling with infertility she made some snarky comments whenever anyone told us not to lose hope or that we’d be okay no matter what.
Some of them were cold. Like when she said it wasn’t like we lost a baby. Just bad.
Then when Lauren did miscarry and was in the hospital, Karley announced her own pregnancy at Lauren’s bedside to us and their parents. She also chose Lauren’s birthday for her baby shower and shut down any mention of Lauren’s birthday on the day.
Karley has a 5-year-old daughter with her partner and apparently, they have been trying for baby number two unsuccessfully. So when Lauren and I successfully had two children together, she went crazy. It was after our son was born actually (our youngest). He’s 6 weeks old and Karley admitted to everyone in a rant that she was hoping Lauren wouldn’t be able to get pregnant or would miscarry every time, she admitted to praying for that, she said someone as fat and ugly as Lauren doesn’t get to have kids, while someone skinny like her should have no problems. She accused us of stealing the name she wanted for a girl when we named our daughter Ella.
We had no idea she ever wanted that name and her partner said no. But apparently, he agreed it could be used for a second girl. She also called Lauren a bad sister for having two kids when she was struggling to conceive again.
It shocked their parents when she came out with all of this.
They scolded her. But she didn’t stop there and went directly to Lauren after the first outburst and said all these things to her about being selfish. Which is when I stepped in and called her a spoiled little brat. Karley and her partner said I should have stayed out of it and was cruel when it wasn’t my place.
Lauren was grateful because she was hurting too much at the time to respond.
But did I go too far with it?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. “It shocked their parents when she came out with all of this.” It sounds like they have spent 27 years creating and catering to this jerk and now they’re shocked that… she’s a royal jerk?
“Karley and her partner said I should have stayed out of it and was cruel when it wasn’t my place.” Stayed out of it? She was verbally abusive to your wife. She admitted that wished harm on your helpless baby. You were 100% invited into it and in my opinion, you didn’t go nearly far enough.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for intervening when your wife was being verbally abused. But spoiled brat? That no longer applies at 27 – Karley sounds more like a sociopath. Whatever her glitch is, it’s no longer excusable by being overindulged as a child, and the abuse she’s inflicting on Lauren and the toxicity she will bring into the lives of your children needs to be dealt with in the manner you would if she weren’t a b***d relative.” Beginning-Credit6621
Another User Comments:
“Karley sounds unhinged. Commenters are calling for you to go NC with her because you don’t need that toxicity in your life. I agree. But from what you’ve said, her parents babied her, and have only recently started holding her accountable for her actions.
And you’re backing your wife now too. She’ll only get more frustrated and angry as people get fed up with her behavior. I’m concerned at some point she may try to do some real harm. You know her. Is it better to go NC or to keep an eye on her?
Make sure your children’s schools know she is NEVER to pick them up. Teach your kids a code word in case you need someone they don’t know to get them in an emergency. Keep a close eye on your credit accounts. Maybe get a camera for your house.
I hope she never escalates, but people like her sometimes do. It’s better to be safe.” star_tyger
Go either no contact or very low contact.
15. AITJ For Snapping At My Dad About Not Wanting To Continue The Family Legacy?
“I (26m), single, live in a small mobile home community. I’ve been told numerous times by my dad to get a partner, marry, and have kids. I personally don’t really want any of that as I will never be able to afford it.
I’ve lied to my dad saying that I ‘might’.
After a few times of saying I ‘might’, he told me that I need to do this for the family name, I finally snapped and told him that “If this is so darn important to you then you pull your checkbook out and pay for it.” That made him angry until I rubbed it in further and said, “I don’t care about our family name, we’re not rich millionaires, I can barely afford to get a partner in the first place.” I finally told him that I’d rather go out with friends, find new hobbies, work hard on my career, and in the future, travel to places I dream of going to.
So AITJ for not doing what my father wants?”
Another User Comments:
“Family name legacies are so silly. Nobody has a unique last name. Your “family legacy” means nothing. It’s just a weird archaic way to stroke your own ego. NTJ. Although in the year of our lord 2024, should you ever wish to have a partner because you desire companionship, you don’t need money for that.
Women can buy their own stuff now. If you ever crave a romantic companion, find you a girl who is happy to pay her own bills and take turns paying for dates. Just food for thought, you don’t have to be single due to income.” Lost_Dish4290
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I basically had to say the same thing to my parents last weekend. They have been hounding me for a child since I was 20 (I’m 35) and I finally just snapped and told them that if they wanted to pay for me to be able to live in a house and help me out and basically pay for me to have a kid, then sure I’d have a kid.
I told them I needed them to never mention having a child to me again. It’s just so unfair to put that on someone else. It was your dad’s journey to have kids, it doesn’t have to be yours. No one gets to put that on you.” CantStopThisShizz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – my youngest son (26) had a vasectomy at age 24. He does not want children and I respect his decision. My oldest son (28) is married and I have never asked him if they plan to have kids or not. As a woman who was constantly badgered by her late mother about making her a grandmother, I believe that it is my son’s (and their partner’s) decision to have or not have children.
They have to raise them, I don’t. Truthfully it’s really none of my business! Personally speaking, I married the wrong guy to have children with. He’s a heavy-drinking narcissist with a perpetually broken zipper and I have been divorced from him for almost 20 years and raised my sons on my own.
I would not wish my personal situation on anyone as it was very hard.” Equivalent-Talk-7095
14. AITJ For Demanding My Sister Apologize For Calling My Children Bad?
“My sister said (in front of 3 of my children) that my kids are bad kids.
This was at lunch with our parents, my son (6) stepped on a lady’s foot walking into the restaurant. He felt bad about it, like a small child does, and handled it like he should have.
My wife has cried over this, my mother defended my children.
I believe my sister should apologize before we let her around my children again.
My mother says this won’t happen and that we will tear the family apart doing this. I am honestly tired of my sister doing and saying whatever she wants and it being my job to apologize or forgive while she gets to believe she did nothing wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: A six-year-old accidentally stepping on someone’s foot and apologizing does not explain at all calling three children “bad”. Your language is really vague. Was it an accident? How did he handle it? WHY did your sister say that about all three kids?
“My mother says this won’t happen and that we will tear the family apart doing this. ” Whether your kids were well behaved or not, telling her not to call a six-year-old ‘bad’ to their face is reasonable, and asking for an apology isn’t “tearing the family apart” unless your sister and mom make it so.” Irish_Whiskey
Another User Comments:
“If it’s literally how you say, you are not the jerk. Stepping on a foot by accident is such a nothing reason to call a kid “bad” like the exact same thing can happen to adults. But leaving aside the part where no adult should call a kid “bad” while frustrated, is there more to this story where your kids were acting up–whether in typical kid fashion or not–which bothered your sister or is your sister just extremely weird about kids?
The fact your wife cried over this (I mean come on “your kids are bad” is a nasty thing to say to the kids, but it’s not exactly harsh language) and your mom thinks this will “tear the family apart” makes it sound like you have said the absolute bare bones summary of some much larger problem with your sister and/or family.
Why do you have any feeling of having to forgive your sister when your mom is on your side? Is your dad on your sister’s side? Is your sister also a child? Can’t you just ignore her? If you’re so fed up with her for reasons you haven’t explained, stop interacting.
Or maybe your kids are rowdy and your sister is fed up with you, it’s hard to tell.” CarbonationRequired
Another User Comments:
“Well speaking from experience with this situation I haven’t talked to my brother in over 12 years because of how he and his wife treated my daughter.
Except I have a mother that defended him. So long story short I haven’t talked to her in over 12 years either. Sometimes you just have to let them go. I have had a much better life without them. Sometimes I wish it were different, but I know I did everything in my power to keep everyone happy.
It just never worked and my 12-year-old son has never met them. Life is too short to have someone in your life that makes you miserable. Oh, and my daughter is now 21. So you have a few choices, make her apologize (I absolutely would) and also make her understand how she is.
Or live with the way she is and be miserable. I’m sorry to say this but if her needing to apologize for what she said will tear your family apart, then so be it! Just to be clear on my end I’m not a monster that just walked away from family.
The rest of my family aunts, uncles, and grandparents (now deceased) all felt I did the right thing. And I am still close with them. I’m not saying to do what I did but man you can’t pick your family and sometimes you have to do what you have to do.” Olhenry
13. AITJ For Stepping Back From My Verbally Abusive Stepson?
“My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We have 3 sons 23, 18, and 10. The 2 elder boys are my husband’s from a previous marriage, but I have been in their lives for 17 years, while their mother has little to no contact/input, by her own choice, and their choice as they got older.
I have always acted in a parent-type role, cooking, doing schoolwork, buying clothes, attending sports and school events, but I have never been called mum by them and always encouraged them to think of their bio-mum as mum.
Our 18-year-old is very disrespectful and verbally aggressive towards me, but only when my husband or older son are not around.
This has been a thing for about 3 years and has become increasingly more frequent. Approximately 3 months ago, after being asked to put away his laundry, for the umpteenth time, he unleashed on me. I was called every name under the sun, screw this, screw that, freaking witch, etc. Not to mention the obligatory, you’re not my mother etc etc.
So I said, “That’s fine, we’re done. Do not ask me to do things for you, if that’s how you feel.”
So I haven’t. If I’m cooking, I cook for everyone, but otherwise nada. I’ve just stepped back.
My husband thinks I’m being unfair because he’s a teenager and he gets frustrated. But this isn’t the first time he has behaved towards me that way.
He often behaves the same way towards his younger brother, but again NOT when his father is around, to the point where the 10-year-old will also steer clear when dad is not at home. He is always very careful to speak nicely when his father is around but reverts to snarky and disrespectful when he is not, which has been observed by other people, who have also told my husband.
By stepping back and not engaging, I’m just trying to protect myself from further abuse and giving 18yo exactly what he wants. I think 18yo has some issues that need addressing, however, I’m not going to place myself (or my younger son) in the firing line because someone else is frustrated. I think by excusing the behavior, my husband is making the behavior acceptable.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he’s abusive and you don’t have to tolerate that. I would be more drastic – cameras and I’m not going to be with him at home without his dad. Your husband would have to figure that out but if it were me, I’m not going to be abused. It doesn’t matter how frustrated a teenager gets that behavior is unacceptable.
Plus he is clearly manipulative to ensure he checks his “frustration” when Dad’s around.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“While I’m loath to advise taping someone with their knowledge or consent, your husband not believing you somewhat forces your hand. Incidentally, I’d be withdrawing from hubby at this point.
You need his trust and support. And he’s giving neither. Purely because he hasn’t witnessed it himself? He should know you enough to know you’re acting this way now due to being pushed beyond what you can take. And he should be listening and reacting.
And he isn’t. That’s pretty awful of him. I’d say you’re NTJ as stepson should learn that bad behavior has consequences. He may have mental health concerns that need addressing. Or it could be that his bio mum is useless, and wants to feel like he belongs and is considered a son by OP?
Her reminder that she isn’t mum, could lead to him feeling rejected by two mums? Husband needs to pay attention and if that means being presented with evidence, so be it. But he should be careful. And be listening to wife and younger son.
18 needs therapy. And the wider family does too.” Gemethyst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. YOUR REAL PROBLEM IS YOUR HUSBAND! It’s troubling that your husband is brushing aside the stepson’s aggressive behavior. Such behavior can escalate at any time into physical abuse. What would be your husband’s excuse then?
That all boys roughhouse? As it is, your husband’s unwillingness to see and to address what is staring him in the face MUST be addressed and resolved in some way that everyone benefits. You may want to seek domestic counseling for yourself and for the family.
Such domestic poison has a way of leeching into everyone and everything it touches.” j4ckb1ng
12. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable That My Husband Gave His T-Shirt To His Female Trainer?
“My (37f) husband (37m) is overseas and currently attending a safety training course. He messaged me last night over WhatsApp saying his trainer (50+f) during the class said she really really likes the t-shirt he is wearing and that she wants him to give it to her.
He said he wasn’t sure if she was being serious or was just joking but he ended up changing out of his t-shirt (he had an extra jacket) and ended up giving the shirt to her to which she was apparently really happy about and gave him a book in return.
For context, the t-shirt has the logo of the company he works for (Which she is not affiliated with) and also the logo of the end user client whom she has worked with before.
I got really surprised when he told me that he did actually pass the t-shirt on and I asked him if he thought it was appropriate if a male trainer had asked me for my t-shirt to which he didn’t reply and I told him this situation has made me feel uncomfortable.
I’m not sure if I’m overreacting because he checked with his other friends and apparently none of them thought there was anything weird about it.
So, can you please tell me if I’m the jerk for thinking this exchange is inappropriate and that my husband shouldn’t have given his t-shirt?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can’t imagine any good reason why a professional at work (the trainer) would ask a client (your husband) to give them the clothes they were wearing. I can’t imagine how any person mentally capable enough to have a normal job (your husband) would agree to such a request, or be surprised when anyone else thought it was strange and inappropriate.
So of course you reacted negatively to a negative situation involving your husband that is at least in the neighborhood of flirtation.” Rikutopas
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Worst case scenario she has a crush on him, but he has given you no indication that he’s into her, so what’s the problem?
Maybe suggest that he doesn’t give her any more little gifts so she doesn’t see it as him leading her on, and of course make a police report if she shows any signs of being a stalker, but asking for one shirt is so not there yet.
It’s weird, but there could be many explanations.” Nemesis0408
Another User Comments:
“I think you are overreacting. In some industries, it’s pretty common for people to collect branded swag with the logos of customers and vendors on it. I have customers who pretty much demand that I bring them hats and such with my company logo.
If I happen to be wearing a polo or something with a logo they’ll beg me to try to get one for them. I don’t understand it, but it is absolutely a thing. I don’t know that this woman was actually asking for the shirt off of your husband’s back, and maybe he misinterpreted that, but I think she’s probably just one of these collectors.
No jerks here.” 1Negative_Person
11. AITJ For Telling My Brother That Our Family Isn't Responsible For His Stepkids' College Fund?
“My brother and his wife got married 6ish years ago. They were two single parents who wanted to be married to each other but the kids were not as into the idea as the adults. So they decided to live as a married couple with two separate families.
My brother’s kids were parented by my brother and my brother only. His wife’s kids were parented by his wife and his wife only. His kids interacted with our family. Her kids interacted with hers. The kids interacted with their bio siblings only. They were not a blended family or even a family unit.
It was very much two family units centered around a married couple. It was weird to members on both sides of their families but it just was what it was.
I always saw a time when they would regret it especially if they ever wanted to change how things worked and the kids were against it or no love developed for step-relatives we have no ongoing relationship with.
But I also knew it wasn’t my place to interfere.
Well, the day has come and regret has already sunk in. So my brother’s oldest graduated high school a couple of weeks ago and my parents told them that they had saved for each grandkid’s future and they now had access to money to pay for college or to get them started if they went for an apprenticeship.
Of course, my brother’s oldest was excited. But my brother and his wife not so much because the money saved will be for each bio grandkid, not the wife’s kids, and they do not have the same help and support from their bio grandparents.
My brother and his wife told my parents they can’t give to some and not all.
They said the stepkids are not a part of our family and are not their grandkids and therefore they do not owe them any money. My brother attempted to talk to his kids about the money and they said they didn’t care about his wife’s kids or if they struggle or not so they’re not worried about them.
My brother and his wife are now upset with both their families for the “very clear and very hurtful divide in their family” and I told my brother he has no business blaming us for the regret he and his wife feel when they made the decisions they did and now have the outcome that was always inevitable.
I told him the kids all seem happy so they should get over it. He was upset.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents don’t owe the steps college money even if your bro and SIL parented differently. The fact that you say your parents saved for the money implies there’s not some unlimited well of cash that they can throw around to all of them.
Now, add the way they didn’t blend, it’s a no-brainer.” Spare-Article-396
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother and his wife desperately need a reality check. “The money saved will be for each bio grandkid, not the wife’s kids, and they do not have the same help and support from their bio grandparents.” I missed the part where that’s your parents’ problem.
They decided to make the selfish decision to be together despite knowing their kids were not on board. Completely dismissing the kids’ feelings as if they weren’t human beings with thoughts & opinions. Prioritizing their new lovers over their own children, and now they ended up with… whatever this dynamic is.
“My brother and his wife are now upset with both their families for the “very clear and very hurtful divide in their family.”” They never had a “family” to begin with. The “divide” has always been there for the past 6 years. But when money was involved, suddenly they cared?
What a joke.” Frankensteins_Kid
Another User Comments:
“What did they think was going to happen? They were willfully ignorant to the mess they created and now are surprised it’s blowing up in their faces. They created this divide. Their unwillingness to work to properly blend their families due to their own selfishness has caught up with them because they cared more about getting together than being there for their kids.
Now all of a sudden they expect your parents to shell out money for kids they have no relationship with because they didn’t allow it and expect his kids to suddenly care about their step-siblings when they’ve actively prevented them from ever forming a bond.
And even if they did parent differently, your parents still wouldn’t be responsible for their stepkids. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. NTJ.” s**********y
10. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom She's Causing Distance With Her Disparaging Comments About Our Bio Mom?
“My stepmom has been in my life since I was 4 and my siblings were 2 and 1. Our parents are divorced. Our mom is not in our lives anymore and she was a very inconsistent presence even when she was in our lives.
I’m 17f now for context. I generally get along okay with my stepmom but this past year more than any other has been so bad.
It started when my sister (14) asked dad about mom. It was because of something that came up in school but my stepmom got so jealous when the question was asked and ever since that day she will randomly make disparaging comments about mom around us or directly to us.
She has made it a point to say mom didn’t want us, that mom chose mental illness over us, substances over us (that one we never knew about and dad was upset at her for telling us the way she did). She also made a comment to my brother another time when he was doing a project on DNA that DNA isn’t so great when DNA doesn’t want you.
We all pulled away from her because of this and her comments got worse over time. To the point where she was getting irate about the topic of mom and us and mom abandoning us. I told her she wasn’t helping close the distance between us with her anger and comments and she told me we were treating her like trash for no reason and disrespecting her by bringing up the mom who abandoned us when she’s right there.
She told me she can’t understand us treating her the way we have been for the last year when she is the one who raised us, not our bio mom.
I told her that her comments about our bio mom were exactly why we pulled back.
I said we know our mom left us, we know she chose to leave, we know she isn’t a good mom, but she’s still our mom. She still made us. We still had a bond with her. We still have some love and mixed emotions about her.
I told her nobody wants to be reminded of that day after day or have it thrown in their face. I told her she’s the adult. We’re the kids. She’s been throwing a year-long tantrum and dividing us with her comments. I told her she wouldn’t like it if we started making comments about her dad (who wasn’t a great guy) and if we told her that her dad never loved her, he never wanted her.
So why would we want to hear that about our mom? I told her if she doesn’t want us to grow apart then she needs to apologize and stop making those comments, and I reiterated that a couple of times, that we pulled back because of the comments not because we’re trying to disrespect her.
By the end of the conversation, she told me I had spoken to her like she was dumb and I didn’t need to keep making the same point over again. She told me it made her feel disrespected and she left the room. Ever since there has been a new tension there.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sadly, she chose to ignore the substance of what you were telling her, which got to the very root of the problem and also included the solution. Instead, she chose to look at it so she could reject it on the grounds of her (mis)interpretation of the style in which you told her the truth.
I would ask her to please think about the substance of what you said and that you didn’t intend to speak to her disrespectfully. You have to stand by the content of what you said because it really is the key to the whole thing.
I suspect she will react by protecting her own ingrained view of the situation, which allows her to feel she is justified and the victim, but you can try. You certainly aren’t at fault for the content of what you said — it was very well phrased. Unfortunately, very often people will reject anything that requires them to give up the view they are clinging onto or that requires them to admit to themselves that they were wrong.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“This is a common problem with step-parents: even if the bio parent is dead, often they feel they are in competition with this absent adult. And for some reason, your stepmother is jealous about your bio mom, despite the fact she wasn’t a good nurturer & was (most likely) a bad influence.
What she needs to realize is that you & your siblings will never accept her as a 100% substitute for your bio mom. Maybe 90%, maybe 60%, but not entirely. Which is not unusual, but instead of building a steady bond with you 3 on what you are willing to give she is upset that it is not 100%.
In short, the problem is with her, not you. Especially if you explained the issue with the same words you used here. She needs counseling to understand this before she drives all of you away. So NTJ. Good luck with her.” FunnyAnchor123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like there’s a lot of unresolved issues for your stepmom when it comes to your bio mom. Where they stem from can be anyone’s guess. I agree that you pointing out what she did threw her for a loop, but I think she’s more stunned at having her behavior pointed out to her than anything.
How has she treated you guys otherwise? Has she been a loving and supportive mom? As a mother of 4 natural and 2 bonus children, I can vouch for the fact that no matter how hard we try, we will stumble sometimes. IMO she needs to apologize and move on, I love all my children, and having them pull away would be extremely painful.” Gypsygoth
9. AITJ For Planning To Ghost My Lazy Project Partner On Her Second Chance Exam Day?
“This semester, our lecturer assigned a WordPress project that would be reviewed in each lecture for marks.
The practical part of our final exam would be based on this project, requiring us to demonstrate and answer questions about our work.
I partnered with a girl who provided no assistance throughout the semester. While I pulled multiple all-nighters to complete the project, she spent her time watching movies and taking selfies.
Despite my efforts to help her, including creating tutorial videos at her request, she failed to watch them and thus performed poorly in the weekly assessments.
As a result, she received low pre-final marks and needed high marks in the final exam to pass. Although I successfully completed the project and passed, she did not.
The lecturer has given her a second chance to pass the final.
The project is saved on my laptop, and transferring it to hers has proven problematic. Despite my extensive efforts to help her throughout the semester, I now have to wake up early and go to campus during my summer to bring my laptop to campus.
I don’t have my own car so I have to use public transportation which means I have to wake up really early. I find this extremely unfair given her lack of effort and responsibility. I am pretty sure even if I go she will fail again so why should I?
I can’t tell her I intend not to come either, because I have no excuse to not go other than I don’t want to help someone who didn’t help herself and me the entire semester. I am planning to ghost her the day of the second chance exam.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I can’t tell her I intend not to come either, because I have no excuse to not go other than I don’t want to help someone that didn’t help herself and me the entire semester” .. sounds like a VERY good reason.
Send her a text with a link and all the files and “I already passed and will not be investing any more effort in the project. Here is everything, use it the way you like. Good luck” – and then be done with her.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ if you ghost her. Shoot her a message a week earlier “Due to circumstances out of my control, I cannot attend you at campus on the second-chance day. You are free to come over and transfer the project. This is all I am willing to do to accommodate you after you showed zero interest in carrying your part.”” Express-Break8727
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So this is your first experience with lazy people trying to guilt you into doing extra work that only benefits them. I’m sorry to say it won’t be the last. You’re done. You passed and therefore have no excuse for why you’re continuing to waste your time on this.
Your time is valuable. Even if you just want to sleep in. It’s valuable and you get to decide how to spend it. You are not her tutor. You have no vested interest in helping her after numerous attempts to do so. At this point, it’s weaponized incompetence.
Ghost her. Set up a Google voicemail account and forward her to it. I’d say block, but this is better if you think she’d try calling from fake numbers or blocking her caller ID.” ApprehensiveBook4214
8. AITJ For Refusing To Clean My Brothers' Room?
“My brothers never clean their room. They’re 17 and 13. My mom told me many times before to clean their room but I refused and have discussed with her repeatedly they’re old enough to make their own beds, especially my 17-year-old brother. If he can drive and stay out late with his friends, then he can surely make his own bed…
Because I refuse and have set a boundary with my mom for this “chore”, my sister tends to do their beds and clean their room not because she wants to, but because she doesn’t want my mom to get angry. Both of my parents have anger issues and always yell which is something for another time.
Anyway, today, my sister chose not to and so my mom asked me to make their beds. She yelled at me and told me “when I tell you to do something you do it” and compared me making their beds to other chores but that’s not the same thing…I do whatever chore she tells me but I have set a boundary with her for making my brothers’ beds and I repeated this to her.
She left me alone, but after lunch in the afternoon, she made me go to my brothers’ room, so I only made my 13-year-old brother’s bed and left.
I’m probably going to get my phone taken away today if she finds out I didn’t make the other bed l**o or she’ll just sigh and ignore it.
I’m so sick of living like this. My parents wonder why my brothers are careless and it’s because they were never disciplined or given chores to learn to be responsible!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the sexism here is thick. I saw from your other comment that your brothers don’t have chores to do while you and your sister do.
My mom was the same making me do all the “woman’s work” while my brother did nothing. And when I asked why he doesn’t help my dad mow the lawn or anything else I got yelled at. My mom used to clean my brother’s room for him but when she was too tired she’d make me do it.
Eventually, I put my foot down and said no…. well really he moved out and then I moved out but I like to think I eventually grew a backbone. Now that I’m out of that house I definitely stand up to her because she has nothing over me lol.
I definitely wish you the best here, I know it’s hard trying to stand up for yourself vs just doing it to keep the peace in a house and anger and yelling but one day soon you’ll be out of there! Good luck with these people!” SPlNPlNS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Big sister curse. You are right to stand up for yourself. But when you mention other chores, those too should be divided between you guys. So maybe instead of saying no, just no, maybe suggest creating a chore sheet for the whole family?
Perhaps ask your mom, why something is mandatory for you and not for them? (Mom of 2 little ones. I also moved out right after graduation at 19, so if that is an option, go for it…)” Shot-Career8962
Another User Comments:
“OP, I understand your situation. I come from a culture where boys are given priority.
And I also know how limited your options are. My suggestion would be to focus on your studies and your career. Maybe get a job. And while you’re dependent on your parents, listen to them and follow their rules. Once you get independent, leave. Also, teach the same to your sister.
Stay in contact with her. I know what I’m saying is not okay but sometimes you’ll have to sacrifice for a greater good. We have a saying “at times, we have to identify a donkey as our father” (it’s better in Urdu, lol). Good luck!
I’m sure you’ll succeed in your life.” Useful-Emphasis-6787
7. AITJ For Leaving Unannounced During A Family Argument About Titles?
“Last Sunday was my dad’s birthday and my parents and I (16f) were celebrating with my half-brothers, who are dad’s sons from his first marriage, and their wives and kids. My half-brothers are both in their early 30s.
So the fight started because one of my dad’s grandkids called my mom by her first name and then pointed at an old family photo of my dad and his first wife with my half-brothers and called her “gamma” and she was waving at my half-brothers’ mom in the photo.
For whatever reason it only clicked with my parents then that my half-brother’s kids use mom’s first name for her and never call her grandma. I always noticed. They only use my name too while my other half-brother gets called Uncle Name. This started a fight where Dad asked why Mom was only her name and not Grandma name and how come a 3-year-old doesn’t even call her grandma when she’s young enough to naturally call Mom grandma.
My half-brothers said my mom isn’t their grandma and they never claimed she was. Things started to get really intense from there with my parents and I tried leaving the room but I could still hear the fight. So then I left the house for a couple of hours and when I came back my half brothers and their families were gone and my parents were mad that I’d left unannounced.
I told my parents I hadn’t wanted to get caught up in the fight. My dad told me I should have stayed and supported Mom because imagine how difficult that fight was for her. They also said I didn’t seem surprised or upset and I said I never heard the kids call her grandma and I was never aunt either so it didn’t come as a surprise.
They told me this was more of a reason to stay and be supportive and stand up for what’s right and how cruel my half-brothers are being in treating us that way. I pointed out how they were never close to me or Mom but I got shut down.
My parents lectured me about how wrong I was to leave like I did.
AITJ?
Oh, and before I forget, my dad’s first wife died, my half-brothers were 5 and 6. My parents met 3/4 years later. I was born like 1 or 2 years into their marriage. My half-brothers never called my mom mom or called mom and dad their parents.
It was always like our dad and his wife from them. I was always half sister with the half heavily emphasized and really we were never close. I know they went to therapy together before I was born and after.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like they don’t listen to any of the children, so leaving or staying isn’t really an issue.
It sounds like they never noticed the divide in the house the whole time you were growing up. It’s amazing it took this long for the whole thing to suddenly become clear to them now. Even if you stayed, there was nothing you could do, nothing you could change.
This is not your fight. They shouldn’t ask that of you, and it’s disgusting to push you into it. You have been in the middle of this family drama your whole life, while they have had their heads in the sand ignoring the whole problem.
I’m so sorry. They won’t listen to reason, so stay strong until you can get out. Good luck.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not obligated to stay just to add numbers to their side in an argument. Sometimes if folks are het up enough, there’s no space for a reasonable person to participate in the “discussion”.
However, you should have told someone not right in the heat of things that you were leaving. I’ve definitely Irish goodbyed arguments that I had no stake in, for my mental health. Know your boundaries.” Suspicious-Duck-1288
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents however are jerks.
They have absolutely no right whatsoever to demand that your mother is called grandma. All they can expect is that your half-brothers and their families are civil to her and you. And from what you wrote, your half-brothers behave just fine, it’s your parents who turn this situation into a problem.
That they want to involve you too just shows their selfishness and how they care more about their petty demands than the well-being of you and your half-brothers.” Ok-Passenger-2133
6. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About Her Spending Habits Over Her Daughter's Needs?
“I, 25F have been friends with “Emily,” 25F, since middle school.
I want to preface a couple of things: Emily and I had similar upbringings. We grew up on the poverty line, using food banks and being close to being evicted as children. I am also childfree by choice, as I am self-aware enough to know that I am too selfish of a person now to have children.
I had nothing as a kid, I want all my things now. Emily, also a relatively selfish person, is not so self-aware and does not like to sacrifice her joys in life for anyone. Unfortunately, this also includes her 6-year-old daughter, “Emma.”
Emily has many vices that she enjoys – shopping, some drinks, fast food, and, most of all, smoking.
Money is tight for everyone, but she ensures she always has what she needs… especially the last one.
In the past few months, Emma has asked for several things and the answer has always been no. The biggest one being a bike for her birthday, and then more recently, swim lessons, as it’s June and her friends all go to the rec center to swim.
Yesterday, while running errands, we were in a store and Emma asked again if she could have swim lessons because she wanted to be able to go to the pool with her friends over summer break from school. Emily once again told her that they were too expensive and that they couldn’t afford them, and Emma started to cry.
Emily apologized to her and explained that money was tight… before turning around to pay for her two cartons of smokes.
When we got back to their place, Emma, who was still upset, went to the couch and put on a movie. I pulled Emily into her bedroom and took the opportunity to explain that I believe it’s important for Emma to take those lessons.
Emily repeated that she didn’t have the money and I said “You don’t have the money for her, but you have the money to smoke?” Emily immediately became defensive and called me a jerk who “doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a single mom.” I agreed but reminded her that we both know what it’s like to miss out on things in childhood, and it felt like Emma was going to suffer the same fate.
Emily basically told me to leave if I was going to accuse her of being a bad parent, before leaving her bedroom and storming outside to have a smoke. I ended up leaving after saying goodbye to Emma, and now Emily is refusing to speak to me.
I am just worried that this kid is going to be on the outside looking in because her mom isn’t prioritizing her, but I know I could have worded things better. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t accusing her of being a bad parent.
You’re pointing out that she is choosing to spend her money in certain ways that aren’t necessary instead of on her child. Swimming lessons in my opinion are necessary for all children. Being able to swim is a survival skill and she’s decided that she’d rather smoke, drink, and shop than give her child access to learn a necessary survival skill.
You pointing this out isn’t what makes her a bad parent, she simply is a bad parent.” Bubbly_ladybug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but also this doesn’t seem to be just about money but lazy parenting. Can’t Emily find a used bike for cheap on some online platform or somewhere or reach out to family and friends?
I’m a single mom too and my daughter has had 2 used bikes passed down to her by a neighbor and family member. Also, she didn’t have swim lessons but she can swim because I taught her. She’s going to summer camp this summer because I found a YMCA camp that offers financial aid.
Even in poverty, there are always options to make sure your kid doesn’t miss out. Also if she can afford large amounts of smokes and drinks she’s not as poor as she’s pretending. At my poorest, I didn’t even buy soda or treats at the grocery store because it put me over budget.
It’s about priorities.” Minute_Writing_8645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave Emily a reality check. She is the jerk who doesn’t want to see it, doesn’t want to hear it, and tries to drown any guilty feelings. The child is the poor victim of this and sadly there isn’t much you can do about it if her mother won’t listen.
You can – if you want – take things into your own hands and offer Emma some of her wishes to be paid for by you. Or if you think it reaches a level of negligence, call CPS on her (or the baby daddy if he is paying child support and if possible, that he court orders her to show all the expenses for Emma his child support money goes to so she can’t use child support money for smokes and other stuff.) But most likely you can’t do anything about it.
And maybe it is time to cancel the friendship if you don’t want to see the child suffer without any possibility to help her.” Trevena_Ice
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-in-Law To Live In Our Uninsulated Shed?
“We live in Texas. It was 95 degrees outside today. I’ll just start with that. My wife wants her mom to live in our shed until she can get back on her feet and find a place to live.
Our shed is not insulated and does not have electricity since it is for storing lawn equipment. I don’t even think that it’s something that can be lived in, either legally or just due to the heat and lack of ventilation. She wants to just run an extension cord to it so she can have a fan or something.
Please be kind to my wife, she is a caring person and doesn’t want her mom to be homeless, I just don’t think it’s feasible or legal, and is potentially dangerous. Also, her mother is not very likely to find new accommodations very quickly and we literally have no room in our house.
4 people in a relatively small 3 bedroom house, we have 2 daughters and 1 is only 2.
Her mom also has some psychological issues, nothing dangerous, that prevent her from reliably being able to provide for herself, due to this she lives on disability. The only way she has found places to stay in the past is by living with a relative and chipping in a small amount for rent.
AITJ for not thinking this is possible or a good idea?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Be very careful. Your wife obviously doesn’t want her mum to live in the shed. She wants her to come to your place, and then she will tell you (feigning surprise) “Oh no, the shed is not livable, I didn’t expect that!
Let’s have mom live with us for a bit!” and then she lives with you forever. If that’s not something you want, talk to your wife, VERY VERY soon.” Individual_Complex_6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a super bad idea. Where would she go to the toilet, store and prepare her food, shower?
Is she expected to live in your home during the day and only sleep in this shed? This sounds illegal so I wouldn’t even risk it, besides the obvious comfort/safety concerns. The mother should reach out to the local government for assistance with securing housing.
She should be looking for her own place whether that’s a small (studio) flat or a private bedroom in a shared house. The latter isn’t ideal but if she’s not organized anything else for herself and she’s not making enough for her own place, then a shared house it is.
In major cities with high COL, plenty of people over 30 (and even a lot older) live in shared housing with friends or strangers. I don’t see why she can’t do that.” wandering_salad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife only suggested the shed because she knew you’d say no to letting her live in the house.
Your mil is not going to live in the shed. She will be in the house like a human being unless you have a real conversation about it with your wife. Explain your concerns. You mention she has psychological issues, but isn’t dangerous, but is on disability.
Obviously, there’s a reason she’s getting booted from her current residence. I’d find out what’s going on there. You need more info, and honestly, I have to ask if it’s possible for her to crash on an air mattress in the garage until you and your wife come up with a better solution, together.” R4eth
4. AITJ For Not Inviting My Daughter's Friend To Her Birthday Party Because Of Her Mother's Behavior?
“I (31F) have a daughter, Mary (9F). She is quite popular and is friends with all of the other children in her class. My daughter is turning 10 this weekend and wanted to have a party with all of the children in her class at a local kid’s venue, as she has had in previous years.
However, she didn’t want to invite a girl called Ella (9F).
Last year, Ella (who was new to the class) was invited to her birthday party. Ella is a lovely girl, and she and my daughter actually get along really well, the real issue is the girl’s mother.
During the last party, Ella fell over and grazed her knee, she cried a little but I put a plaster on it and she was back to playing in no time. However, when Ella’s mum came to collect her after the party and I explained what happened, she lost it.
Her daughter was trying to say it was fine, but she cursed me and multiple parents out in front of the children and tried to complain to the school.
As close as my daughter and Ella are, Mary is now scared of Ella’s mum and is worried that the same thing will happen again if Ella is invited. When I sent out invites this Monday, I did so privately so that Ella wouldn’t find out, and I told everyone to please not mention it to everyone saying that I wanted something smaller this year.
However, I received a message from Ella’s mother in which she was very angry and very rude. She called me a narcissistic bully and even suggested that the fact her daughter wasn’t invited was racially motivated.
I messaged back and explained it was because of what happened last year, however, she kept on insisting that was my fault.
She sent me another message today saying that she has mental health problems and can’t control herself sometimes, and asking for a second chance, but I said no and asked her not to contact me unless she really needed to. I still feel bad for Ella, and now I am wondering, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I understand you not wanting to deal with her mother, but I don’t think excluding Ella is the right idea. You said that she is a very sweet child and that she and your daughter are really close. I think it would be hurtful to both children if Ella isn’t invited. She may think she is being punished because of her mother.
Is it an option for Ella’s father to drop her off? If not, maybe ask the mother to meet you for coffee or something to discuss the matter. Tell her that you want to keep things civil and that you’d like to include Ella, but that you WILL NOT tolerate the behavior that she exhibited last year.
Please don’t punish the child for the mother’s actions. I hope you can work something out. Good luck and happy birthday to your little girl.” dlb1995
Another User Comments:
“You’re a SOFT jerk here. Five years ago I shocked everyone when my PTA Perfect Life fell apart and my chronic substance addiction was exposed. My poor child had her entire world torn apart because her mummy messed up.
Thankfully she wasn’t excluded from ANYTHING. Every single party and event she was still invited to. The judgment was on ME not my daughter. While I was shunned and gossiped about, my daughter was still included and treated the same. I beg you to reconsider.
I’m four years and six months free of my addiction. Life is amazing for everyone now. During my very exposed and very public nervous breakdown, I guarantee I behaved a LOT worse than this child’s mother did. Please please please see if there is a way this girl can attend.” Leading_Dealer_8018
Another User Comments:
“We shouldn’t ever leave children out when they haven’t done anything wrong. My kid is the same age as yours and has been a victim of some mean behavior for quite a while now. No little kid deserves to be left out.
I could understand if this child had been unkind or done something wrong, but she hasn’t. Same as mine, she also hadn’t done anything wrong, she was singled out by one kid as not wanted and the others followed along, and have made her feel like crap for a long time now, pretending to be her friend and picking on her at the same time, not inviting her to things and then rubbing her face in it, etc. NO kid deserves that feeling of being purposely left out, especially by kids who are supposed to be their friends.
I understand there are issues with the parent, but that would seem like all the more reason to be kind to this little girl. It might be one of the few bright spots for her.” KoaaalaaaMama
3. AITJ For Not Telling My Wife About Our Tax Return?
“My wife and I have been struggling financially for a few years and have been trying to get our debts paid off.
Within the last 1.5 years, we’ve gone from a single to dual-income household making $60K a year to over $100K a year and still living paycheck to paycheck.
She gets stressed and overwhelmed whenever “unexpected” bills come in that are usually medically related to her and then begins to tell everybody how we are struggling and can’t afford food or our basic necessities.
I had filed our taxes and got them back, but did not tell her that we received it so we could use it as a buffer for these “unexpected” bills that come in. I finally told her last night and she got angry and upset that I had lied about it and how she was counting on that money to pay back other debts.
AITJ not telling her about it?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You don’t get to singlehandedly decide what happens with your joint money (assuming that you filed jointly and the return was also for her income as well.) You need to have a conversation with your wife about what you think the money should be used for – if you are worried about not having a buffer or an emergency fund, tell her that and make a plan together to build one.” user_isnull
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and this is about so much more than a tax return. You guys need to sit down and have a real discussion about your finances. You guys got a $40k raise and still can’t make ends meet. Time to stop being overwhelmed by the “unexpected” and start making actual plans to tackle your debt.
She can’t hide her head in the sand anymore and you can’t hide money from her. Absolutely ridiculous both of you.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, dude, it’s time for you and your wife to sit down with someone or take a class on financial management and possibly get some marriage counseling, she shouldn’t be telling others about your personal business but you also need to get on the same page asap, finances are one of the most common reasons for divorce.
Nip it in the bud now. Regardless, you are not a one-man band, you’re married and you don’t get to make unilateral decisions.” mortgage_gurl
2. AITJ For Banning My Stepdaughter From Eating With Us Due To Her Constant Singing?
“I have 2 stepdaughters, Scarlett (18), and Ava (16).
Scarlett is an amazing singer.
She’s been in some kind of voice lessons since she was 10 and just graduated from one of the best performing arts schools in the state, where she went on a full scholarship since 6th grade. She has a YouTube channel where she sings that she’s starting to make money from and was accepted into some very prestigious music schools.
Additionally, she has been working paid gigs for the last 2 years and makes at least $500-1000 per week, more in the summers. She’s even been the opening artist at a few concerts. I’m not trying to brag, I’m just saying she’s an objectively good singer.
Ava, on the other hand, is not a good singer. She likes to believe she is and she might become one if she actually stuck with voice lessons or choir classes but she always quits after 1-2 weeks because they’re “bullying her” (giving constructive feedback, I’ve seen the notes her classmates and teachers have given her).
Ava also likes to sing very loudly and/or at bad times. For example, if she feels that we’re too quiet at the dinner table she starts to loudly sing. It doesn’t sound good and I honestly don’t know how she doesn’t hear it. If you ask her to stop she keeps going and if you’re blunt and say stop, that doesn’t sound good/we don’t want to hear it she keeps going and gets even louder just to annoy you.
If we’re in the car and we don’t let her choose the songs she’ll loudly sing whatever she wants, not what’s playing, to annoy us, and responds the same way to us telling her to stop. The only person she listens to is her dad.
A few weeks ago we were trying to eat and she was singing again. I told her to stop and she refused so I took her plate and told her from now on she is no longer allowed to eat at my table. She can eat in her room, the backyard, her car, the garage, wherever she wants as long as we can’t hear her from the dining room and that this will continue until she can behave appropriately at the table.
My husband and I argued about it but he’s not home for dinner so there isn’t much he can do about it. Today she was eating lunch with us and started singing again. I told her to stop and she didn’t listen so I again took her plate and told her to eat somewhere where we can’t hear her if she doesn’t want to act appropriately.
Ava argued that she’s a better singer than Scarlett and that Scarlett sings all the time. I was done with her nonsense so I asked her how many times someone other than her dad has actually asked her to sing, not even paying her to be there, just ask her to sing or how many performing arts schools she’s gotten accepted to (she’s applied to many).
She started to cry and my husband wants me to apologize for being rude to her and is insisting I allow her to eat with the family again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Okay for almost the entirety of this story, I was ready to say NTJ until the very end.
So her sister gets to sing at the dinner table? Just not her? I mean I think it’s weird to sing at the dinner table anyway but if you have a double standard going on here then YTJ. Ava is YOUNGER than her sister, sometimes it takes some time to get better at something, and acting rude to her and discouraging her because you clearly don’t like her makes you a jerk.
Either ban singing at the dinner table completely or keep your mouth shut and invoke the Thumper rule, “If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.”” Specialist-Owl2660
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Ava just because she sounds annoying and you because you’re a parent and she’s a child and you’ve (seemingly repeatedly) told her she’s not good at something she’s passionate about and not in a nice way.
Encourage her to follow other pursuits, and definitely continue to enforce that it’s inappropriate to loudly sing when people want a quiet meal but brutally laying out that she’s rubbish at the one thing she’s passionate about and rubbing in her failure to succeed is pretty harsh when it’s coming from a parental figure.
Especially when it’s followed up with ‘and now go eat alone.'” Bn0503
Another User Comments:
“Is the punishment as such appropriate? Yes. But! Extreme escalations like this one do not work. Tolerating then exploding doesn’t teach, it antagonizes. Set expectations, outline consequences in advance, and follow through.
First, you set the expectation, which incidentally provides you with an opportunity to realize whether the expectations are reasonable: No singing at the dinner table unless you are making $500 a week from singing = not reasonable. No rude disruptive singing at the dinner table = reasonable, but difficult to enforce.
No singing at the dinner table = reasonable. Then you discuss the consequences. Which allows your husband to let you know when he has a problem right then, instead of completely destroying every last shred of authority you ever had by completely undermining you after you dished out the punishment.
And the best thing? You only have to follow through once or twice, then they understand how this works for everything as long as you manage to be consistent and fair. Unless the child has ODD. But that’s a topic for another day.” Appropriate-Draft-91
The stepmom needs to learn how to parent. Both parents need to be on the same page. Family counseling is needed stepmom must not belittle, dad needs to be more aware. I didn’t interpret this as the older daughter singing at the table (when younger thinks it is too quiet she sings. Also no mention of older daughter singing in the car) Older daughter being in prestigious schools REQUIRES a lot of practice time to maintain scholarships. THAT IS PASSION
1. AITJ For Not Throwing My Husband A Big 30th Birthday Party Because I'm Pregnant?
“I am upset and think my husband is being selfish right now. I, a 32-year-old woman, am married to Alex, a 30-year-old man.
I am currently three months pregnant and this pregnancy has been really hard on me. In the past, I have miscarried so we are keeping this pregnancy a secret until approximately 4 months and will not tell friends and family until then.
I have awful morning sickness that has let up in the past month, and as I can’t tell anyone it has been hard, but Alex has really supported me in this time.
Alex’s 30th birthday was Wednesday and I invited close family and friends over and got catering from his favourite restaurant. I can’t cook huge volumes of food for guests or be up on my feet very long and made sure the party was short by throwing it on Sunday, so people would leave early for work the next day.
The party for me was tiring and while I wanted to be there for Alex, I was glad when everyone left as I just wanted to go to bed. The morning after Alex said he had fun and I thought that was the end of it.
For his actual birthday on Wednesday, I made him a cake and got him a birthday present. He seemed disappointed and when I asked why he asked me if this was it. I was confused and he said he assumed I was throwing him a big surprise birthday as I knew how much celebrating his 30th meant to him.
I told him no his party was what happened on Sunday and that I had been too sick and tired to plan anything bigger. That party alone was a huge effort for me, especially coordinating what worked for everyone else, which happened to be the Sunday and worked out best for me.
I got upset, called him selfish, and have avoided him ever since.
He is upset as for my 30th he planned a big celebration and even invited my college friend from another country. I obviously appreciated his effort and that was the best birthday anyone has ever planned for me, but that isn’t possible for me to do for him with my pregnancy and I told him we have different priorities now and he said that the baby wasn’t even here yet.
Alex has made it clear in the past that he wanted to throw a big birthday for his 30th, but with my pregnancy and him seeing how it affects me day to day, I thought he would be more understanding of the effort I did make and be more aware of what is possible for his birthday.”
Another User Comments:
“This is wild and like almost every couples-related situation on here comes down to lack of proper communication. You knew what he wanted and knew you couldn’t provide it for him right now, so why did you wait for the day and why were you surprised he was disappointed?
All you needed to do is say in advance “Alex I know it’s your big birthday that you have always wanted a huge celebration for and I’m really sorry but I just can’t right now. But, I promise that we’ll make 31 the new 30.” Or something like that.” aVerySpecialHunt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but not because you didn’t plan and throw a big bash. You should have talked with him about it, especially knowing how important it was for him. He sees how bad you’re feeling, but may have taken the lack of communication as a sign that you were planning something.
That’s a big assumption on my part, but it’s something to consider.” Daniboi1977
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Mainly because you are being selfish and inconsiderate. Because you’re doing everything based on what you want and what is convenient for you. Short party and held on a day when people would leave early so you wouldn’t have to deal with them for long.
Then just a cake and a present on the actual day. All done to what was best for you and no consideration to how it would make your husband feel on what was supposed to be his day. I get that pregnancy can be hard.
That you’re worried about a miscarriage. Which I can relate to because I have had several myself in the past. However, that doesn’t mean that the world revolves around what you want. Other people’s needs/wants and feelings matter too. Only you’re refusing to acknowledge that.
Instead opting for calling your husband selfish when he expressed his disappointment and hurt. Feelings that are totally valid regardless of what anyone says.” Old_Inevitable8553
