People Wonder Who Is Wrong In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
18. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Parents Financially After Years Of Neglect?
“I (23M) am the black sheep of my family.
My parents have always wanted a girl and were disappointed when I was born. When they had my little sister ( who is 21 ), she was always favored over me in any circumstance. My parents never supported me when I was on my school’s soccer team and never came to any games, meanwhile when my sister joined art club, they wanted to be there and bought her expensive supplies.
I never got anything I wanted for Christmas and I stopped getting gifts when I was 13, but she got anything and everything until she was 17.
I don’t blame my sister at all. Even though I was extremely jealous of her as a kid she did make an attempt to include me in everything she was able to do and would even have tantrums if my parents told her I couldn’t do this with her, forcing them to bring me along.
When I got older I began to appreciate her more because of that and even felt bad for her as she was a teenage girl begging to have her own space but my parents would not give her that as she was their miracle. She couldn’t even have her own job when she turned 16 because they would just give her any money she wanted which would’ve been more than her job was ever paying her.
When I was 18 I moved out with money I had set aside when the day did come, and my parents did not care at all. If anything they were more excited since three days after they took my sister to a week long vacation in California.
I was too fed up to even be mad or sad at this and ended up going no contact with them. I only remained in contact with my sister and we would make up for the time I couldn’t have with her because of my parents being with her for everything.
But then something happened. After years of spending unnecessary money on my sister it’s now just starting to hit them how much money they really have. Rent has gone up where they live and my mother was always a stay at home mom, but now she works to help pay the rent as my dad’s current job isn’t enough.
My sister didn’t give them my contact info but they were able to get it out of my aunt, and they had called and texted me a million times to ask if I can come back home and help them out in any way I could.
They didn’t ask my sister, who also has a good job.
I asked them why should I help with anything if they didn’t even know who I was. My dad argued back that we were family and family help each other. I responded by asking them what my birthday was.
My dad couldn’t even answer and my mom made an attempt but got it months off. I told them that should tell them everything they need to know and blocked them, but for safe measure I’m thinking about just changing my number.
Of course they told my other family and now they’re mad at me because I’m being petty and we should all reconcile over this but I refuse to.
My sister is the only one on my side and if I keep getting bombarded with texts from family then she’ll be the only one I’ll be in contact with.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by a mile your whole family excluding your sister shunned you to the point they don’t even remember when you were born and clearly neglected you the moment that they were down they wanted you to come back to help when they didn’t care about you in the past. Your parents are easily the jerks for only wanting to talk to you when they are on the bottom.
Your rest of the family can help them themselves if they have all the heat for you” Organic-Manner-2969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your own personal reasons and such child neglect could have affected you way more without your compassionate sister. Parents always play out this card but are not willing to change or take any responsibility for their behavior.
It’s not your responsibility to take care if they can’t handle their finances well. They never really supported you and from what you’ve told, just sound like jerks to me. It’s not about petty it’s about having your own life and to heal from this.
They chose to have kids, you didn’t ask to be born and it’s not your fault that you didn’t meet up their expectations. It’s hypocritical of them to think that you should meet theirs now if they can’t even acknowledge what went wrong. But even if they apologize, the harm has been done and you’ve gotten used to be on your own.
It’s something your parents contributed too and they can’t expect from you to live after ideals they didn’t even meet up too. Do your own thing and screw them. They are adults and you are an adolescent trying to figure out their own life. I may sound harsh but I experienced something similar with my absent father who wants my help now because he is sick.
It’s not my responsibility to heal their wounds and feed his ego. Some people need to learn the hard way that you can’t get away with everything just because you’re b***d related.” Rosy_thorn
Another User Comments:
“I would text all those people. Family loves and cares for each other.
They do not neglect one child over another. They do not stop gifts at a young age while continuing with the other. They do not ignore achievements and go to things but do for another. They try and keep in touch. They care. But yet that was NOT my life.
If they did not need money, they would not have contacted me. You say forgive, but there are some things you don’t forgive, and one of them is taking out on a child what gender they were born. You want to support them and get involved in something you have NEVER done.
Say you have a right or make demands or guilt me. Where were you as family to support and love me? Well, your words mean nothing. You back them then you can give them money because I have no parents. They darn well made sure I knew that.
You want to try and use family as a means to get me to do what they want so YOU don’t have to support them, but guess what? You were never family to a child. You never took up for me, so you can be happy in helping to support the people who neglected and made sure to prove had no love for one child.
You keep up with involving yourself in something that has nothing to do with you, then you can join my parents in having no contact.” tiny-pest
17. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Distressed Mother And Later Checking On Her?
“So my (28 F) mum (50 F) struggles with her mental health. She’s diagnosed with ADHD, refuses to take meds for it, but has been on antidepressants for as long as I can remember.
I have a 10 week old baby and live around a 20min drive away from my mum but due to roadworks going on for the next few weeks, diversions make it 30-35mins. My mum doesn’t drive. This info is vital to the story.
She called me today crying down the phone that she’s had an awful day and to top it off, she’s got on the wrong bus when she was trying to head home, and had gotten off and sat in a local park.
She sounded so distraught and I thought she’d just called to talk it out and calm herself down. As I picked up the call, it was around 2pm and I had my baby on the play mat trying to keep him occupied for 5mins when he was due a feed, whilst I tried to wolf down my first meal of the day.
I was literally minutes away from him screaming the house down for milk! I told her she needs to just get onto another bus back into town, and catch the right one. She responds with “well can’t you just pick me up”. Not asking like “is there any chance you could pick me up”, she’d literally called expecting me to do so.
I said no I can’t and explained why, and she sarcastically said “thanks” and hung up. It would have taken over an hour to pick her up and take her home, plus the time it would take to get a jacket on a hungry screaming baby and get him into the car seat.
Not to mention the fact that I’m not going to leave my baby hungry…
I texted her later on to ask if she’d got home okay – no response. I called multiple times – she didn’t answer.
It got to 9:30pm and I still hadn’t heard anything so I sent a message in a WhatsApp group we have with my brother (who lives 200miles from us so couldn’t have helped even if he wanted to) to ask if he’d heard from her, because I was about to drive to her house to check on her.
No response from either, so I left the baby with my exhausted partner who’d been working all day and drove the 30ish mins to her house.
I have a key so tried it, but she’d deadlocked the door, and turns out also put the chain on.
She never does this. She doesn’t take home security seriously at all. I bang on the door and she answers saying “why are you banging on my door”. Sorry what? She says she didn’t answer the phone because she was in a state and didn’t want to talk to anyone and still doesn’t want to talk to anyone so I walked off and went home.
I know she saw the message saying I was going round as there’s no other reason she would have put the chain on the door. I sent an angry message in our WhatsApp group and then left the group.
I’m feeling like I may have slightly overreacted by leaving the group but she knows I don’t have the time or energy for this, nor the money for fuel doing a round trip of the city to check on her just because she can’t send one message.
am I the jerk? Should I have just picked her up? Tried to be more understanding? Just left her to it instead of checking in?!”
Another User Comments:
“It is what it is. You can’t doubt yourself. You had reasons. I imagine you’ve had to deal with a lot of stuff like this, and that there’s an expectation that you’ll drop everything.
I’m a crazy person, too. I have no children. I treat my illness and do my best to not rest my troubles on others’ shoulders. Some people aren’t able to do that, or unwilling. I don’t judge these folks, or at least I try not to.
I get why you went over there, but you didn’t have to do that. Feeling like you have to watch out for and take care of her to your or your family’s detriment looks to be a cycle you’re caught in. You might have to start learning to say: she’ll be okay.
If anything, I would encourage you to work with a therapist on establishing a healthier understanding of your role in your mother’s life. Because it looks like as soon as you state a boundary, your mother will be determined to punish you. I’m sure she was distraught, but that doesn’t make it your problem.
At some point, you’d think she’d look out the window. NTJ” Frank_Jesus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re allowing her to manipulate you. You shouldn’t have driven over. She hung up on you angrily and wouldn’t respond to your texts. It’s so obvious she was fine, and you wasted your time by going over.
You should have just left her to it. Next time this happens, and it will, don’t fall for her BS. Crying wolf has consequences.” blumenfe
16. AITJ For Removing My MOH From My Wedding After She Misused Funds Meant For My Bachelorette Party?
“I’m (23F) getting married in a couple of days.
Most of this is in the last two weeks.
My MOH (26F), M, was in charge of planning my bachelorette party, which I wanted to be a surprise. We live in a city, but none of us live downtown, so I was hoping for a hotel room downtown and having a fun night out with friends, maybe a brunch.
Most of the bridal party live locally, but two girls flew in for it.
When M picked me up 2 weeks ago on Friday, I was excited to see where we were going and what we were doing. We ended up going to M’s 1 bedroom townhome and spent the whole weekend there.
There are 8 of us, so it was cramped and we kept running into issues with only 1 bathroom. On Friday night we had games and ordered pizza, on Saturday we had a mimosa bar, went shopping, ordered food, and watched a movie, before parting ways on Sunday.
It wasn’t the bachelorette party of my dreams or a particularly fun weekend, but it was ok, and I appreciated it.
Last weekend, my fiancé (32m), J, had just returned from a work trip. I hadn’t caught him up to speed on the party, because there wasn’t much to report.
But when he returned, we were chatting and I told him about the party. He looked confused but said nothing else that evening.
The next day, I got a message from M asking to meet up to talk about “something.” M revealed that J had given her a significant amount of money over a year ago, with the intention that it was used to pay for a bachelorette party.
It would have been enough to pay for the entire bridal party to do a week-long vacation out of town, including airfare, hotel, food, drinks, and fun. I wasn’t expecting this type of event; a weekend downtown would have been wonderful, and even though the party at her home wasn’t what I hoped for, I was fine with it because I got to be with all of my friends.
She, instead, used the money to pay off credit card debt and hoped that no one would notice.
I told her I needed some time to process and went home. After talking with J about it, I decided, that the best action would be to remove her from the wedding.
I came to this decision because I don’t feel I can trust her and don’t want her to be standing next to me at my wedding. I slept on it overnight and sent her a text saying this on Monday.
Since then, I have been getting texts from her mom and partner telling me how awful I am for doing this since I didn’t need a big party and M was able to financially benefit.
My mom is also against removing her from the wedding, as she’s like a sister to our family and it would be tragic for me to get married without M there. The rest of the bridal party is split, with half saying I shouldn’t have kicked her out and the other half agreeing with me.
M has called me crying because she already has her dress (J and I paid for all the dresses) and she can’t wear it anywhere else.
At this point, I want the wedding to be over with so I can be on my honeymoon and not have to deal with these people.
So, was my action too extreme? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She STOLE MONEY from you and it sounds like it was a decent chunk of money too. I would honestly have a stern talking to with your mom and maybe cut off people who are taking her side.
This is ridiculous that anyone wouldn’t immediately be on your side after she misappropriated money meant for your bachelorette. She also obviously knew it was wrong because she told you out of guilt. ETA: Stealing $25,000 is insane. Put her on blast to everyone and file a police report.
She also only told you because she was pressured. Cut contact and let the law handle it at this point.” dunks615
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Next time someone decides to try to guilt you whether it be her, family, or friend tell them that embezzlement is a felony in most states.
Want to be petty about it? Tell her she is still invited and you hope she comes that way when you call the police you can tell them exactly where she is. Then stop responding. Congrats on your upcoming nuptials My condolences you have such bad people in your life that they think it’s okay for her to steal from your fiancé to pay money she should have never spent in the first place.
Lastly, make sure you put an armed guard on your gift table and your money basket because it is ok for people to take things that don’t belong to them simply because it will financially benefit them.” judgeeveryonesbiznes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The word to describe M is THIEF.
Your fiancé gave her a chunk of change for one purpose and she stole it. And how stupid is M to think you wouldn’t tell your fiancé? As to her mother and partner essentially saying how you got a party you should be thankful for and besides it helped M benefit financially – DUH thieves always benefit financially.
And no you do not want a thief standing up with you as your MOH. If M ever had a key to your place get the locks changed.” 3Heathens_Mom
15. AITJ For Wanting My Brother, Not My Father, To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I (26F) have a… strained relationship with my parents to say the least. They weren’t necessarily abusive, but they were neglectful and overly critical of me when I was a kid. They kept me dry and fed and made sure I got treatment when I was sick or injured, but for the most part, that was it.
Mom and Dad kind of ignored me for the most part unless I did something they disapproved of.
The one looking out for me was my older brother, who I’ll call Dave (36M). Dave was always there when I needed anything. He read bedtime stories to me, helped me with my homework, drove me to my first date, etc. Just about any basic human abilities you can think of, I probably learned from him.
I even went to live with him when I was 14. Dave never had custody of me, but Mom and Dad never tried to get me to come home, so on all accounts, that hardly matters.
I officially went No Contact when I was 19 and they tried to make me change my College Major, but during a difficult time, my Mom sent me an email.
My Dad was ill and it seemed like we might lose him for a bit, though he managed to pull through. It put things into perspective for them and she asked to speak with me. I agreed, and the two apologized to me and acknowledged they treated me badly.
I didn’t trust it then, but they respected my boundaries, all four of us went to family therapy together and we’ve slowly built a better relationship over the last three years.
Which brings us to now. My fiancé Max (27M) and I are getting married in spring.
For probably obvious reasons, I want Dave to walk me down the aisle and give me away. Our parents have some opinions on that. My Dad somehow just expected to be the one to do it and when I told him that that’s not what’s gonna happen, he thought I was kidding.
I told him I wasn’t and he got sad, but I think accepted it.
Then my Mom learned about it. And she kind of went off on me. She told me that having my brother give me away is inappropriate and that she thought we were over me “holding a grudge” over their mistakes.
I told her that I’m not holding a grudge at all, but that I’m also certainly not going to forget how they treated me. Besides, Dave was more of a parent to me when he was barely a teenager than either her or my Dad, which I also pointed out is majorly messed up.
My Mom again accused me of holding it against them and then I told them that Dave is going to give me away, end of story, and if they have a problem with that they can just stay home that day.
Max is entirely on my side, probably because he was around before and during my family’s reconciliation, so he’s more than aware of how important Dave is to me.
Dave on the other hand has told me to just let Dad do it because he doesn’t want to cause drama. I told him he isn’t. They are. He still thinks I should let our father do it just so the wedding day can go off without a hitch.
So, am I the jerk for wanting my brother to walk me down the aisle?”
Another User Comments:
“If you don’t want your dad walking you down the Isle, don’t have him do so. It is your day your choice. Tell your brother that when it comes to your day, your 1st choice of who walks you down the Isle is him.
If he doesn’t want to do this or doesn’t feel comfortable doing that that is OK however if he chooses not to it doesn’t mean your dad will have that honor and if needs be you will either walk down the Isle with your groom or hold your head up high and walk solo.
Your parents may be working on building a relationship with you, but that doesn’t mean they can make decisions when it comes to what you and your partner want your day to be or take on roles you don’t feel they are deserving of NTJ” GeekyFreak07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The day is about you and not about your father. It makes perfect sense to have your brother walk you down the aisle! But your special day is likely to be overshadowed to some degree by the buzz among your guests.
Would you consider having your brother walk you down the majority of the aisle, stop for a few seconds while your dad and brother switch, and your father can walk with you for the last few steps?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A total guess on my part but I wonder if your mother is actually concerned about ‘how it will look to others’ when your brother walks you down the aisle.
Does she think your friends and relatives don’t know you left to live with your brother for x years and only recently established contact again? Regardless your brother is actually the one who raised you and as you want someone to walk you down the aisle then it should be him.
You dad may be hurt and your mom upset but you are correct. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. Your mom believing apologizing gets her a new ‘do over’ is just wrong. Best wishes to you OP on your upcoming wedding.” 3Heathens_Mom
14. AITJ For Telling My Parents That They Weren't The Reason My Sister And I Reconciled?
“My sister was 4 when I was born and we were not close growing up.
She resented me from a very early age and made her dislike of me quite clear. As a kid it upset me a lot. She was my cooler older sister and Gabi was so well liked by others that it made me crazy that she was so awful to me.
Our extended family used to tell my parents that they had changed Gabi’s life too much and she was resentful of me because of the changes but our parents would say Gabi was just a brat and she would be thankful for a sister one day and I would be the most important person in her life.
My parents and Gabi fought a lot when I was a kid and I remember them telling her she’d be sorry she rejected me and that one day she would realize I am the most important person and relationship in her life. Gabi would tell them that the kid they replaced her with would never mean that much to her.
My parents said she was overdramatic. They would also take me to do stuff that Gabi loved and that they used to say was their thing with her. That used to upset her a lot and made her dislike for me grow.
I’m 23 and Gabi is 27.
For the last 3 years our relationship has changed from being very cold and hostile to us getting along. Gabi apologized for how she treated me and said it was a terrible thing she did, taking her issues out on me, that were really issues with our parents.
I told her I understood.
After we started getting along our parents became so smug and they gloated to Gabi that they were right and she was wrong and look at us now, etc. Gabi would argue back but they would hammer their point home.
A few times they even brought up Gabi’s past treatment of me around others so they would know exactly how things used to be. Gabi grew frustrated and over a year ago she told our parents that they were not right about everything. That yeah, we were closer now, but I was not the most important person or relationship in her life.
She said her most important relationship was the woman she loved more than anything, the woman she married, and they were wrong to think I would come before her wife. Our parents laughed in her face, told her she was still childish, and they were right.
She went no contact that day.
I went low contact after that and I was disgusted by how they treated Gabi. They didn’t like it and recently they tried to talk to me during my cousin’s quinceañera and find out why I was being so distant.
During the same party they were bringing up how silly Gabi was and how right they were, etc. So when they came back to me I said if they only care about being right then they should leave me alone because I did not credit them for Gabi and me working out our relationship.
My parents were yelling and cursing and telling me I was disrespectful to them when Gabi was the one who treated me badly and that I should be more respectful, etc. They really derailed the party. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your parents clearly were and still are jerks to Gabi and know they are also jerks to you.
The whole bad relationship between you and your sister is their own fault, not Gabi’s. And to this day they still refuse to see it. Thinking your sibling should be more important than your marriage partner is also delusional. Stick to your guns, good luck.” Budget_Avocado6204
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and what is wrong with your parents?!? Why are they so obsessed with this? What did they do when Gabi was little to create this rift and “disrupt her life”?! There’s a lot of weirdness around the edges here. And even more that your parents had to start loudly screaming and making a scene at someone else’s big event.
I hope you and Gabi can continue to support each other against them.” Lily_May
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s good to hear you and Gabi were able to reconcile and become at least friendly with each other. But you’re absolutely right. Your parents clearly only really care about being right, and not about either of your feelings.
From a parental figure, that’s wrong in all kinds of ways, and calling them out on that was 100% the right thing to do, blunt or not.” sabre1229
13. AITJ For Defending My Autistic Son Against My Mother's Partner?
“So I (25f) have a child who is 2. He was recently diagnosed with autism. However, he is very smart and a very happy child. He just has a hard time expressing how he feels especially since he doesn’t talk much besides little words here or there.
Or him singing his ABCs or counting up to 10. He is in speech therapy and we have a teacher come over every Friday to help him adjust and learn through his autism.
So tonight my son was having a hard day and didn’t know how to express himself and was throwing fits.
Sometimes I cater to him and sometimes I don’t, it depends on what he did. He wanted my phone but I said not right now and took it away and he got upset. I tried to calm him down and direct his attention elsewhere. He didn’t do anything wrong.
However, my mom’s partner (50-something) decided to yell at him and threaten to throw his toys away. I was like “No you won’t” and he tried to explain to me he was just trying to put it into his head. I said threatening my kid isn’t helping, you’re putting fear in him.
The partner decided to throw his fit and was like “Okay cool he has no punishment let the baby do whatever he wants to consequences.” I rolled my eyes because whatever dude.
By then my son wasn’t screaming, but just kicking not aggressively. He proceeds to try to stand over my kid but I move in between the both of them and he sits back down.
About 10 minutes later my son tells me he wants a bath so I go bath him. My son got super excited so he was playing and then he started to get out of the bath, run out of the bathroom, come back, get in the bath, and do that for a while.
So after telling him many times if he gets out of the bath, bath time will be over. He proceeded to do it so I drained the bath and shut the door. He of course started crying. Now I know this was a true rage fit so I decided not to give into it.
He didn’t want to put on a diaper, clothes, or anything. So I just let him do whatever to calm himself down and about 5 min later he came back laid next to me and allowed me to change and dress him.
As I laid my son to sleep he didn’t exactly want to so I turned off all lights, shut the door, and made sure he knew it was bedtime.
So my bathroom is in my bedroom, the only one in the house, my mom’s partner came in and started yelling at my son telling him to go to bed. Every noise that came from the bathroom had my son worried to where he also didn’t want to fall asleep.
My mom’s partner came out of the shower and just started telling me how I should cater to him and whatnot. And that I baby him. And it’s not even that I don’t believe your kids should fear you to listen. He’s also my kid, I do what I want.
He’s also 2 and autistic and has no idea how to understand/process his emotions.
AITJ for the way I parent my son? From older generations I get people mad at me that I let him scream it out especially when he’s mad but he has a hard time with emotions, I hug him and let him know everything is okay.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Start locking your doors and looking for somewhere else to live. He’s not your parent and if your mom refuses to set him straight then you’ll have to enforce your boundaries until you can get away from him. When he starts in, grab your son and leave the room, locking your door behind you.
Get a noise machine with soothing sounds so you can’t hear that jerk.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son is 2yo. Half of what you described is usual 2yo stuff. They have more thoughts than they can express, so there is a meltdown. How you parent is your own business.
It doesn’t mean people won’t have opinions, but it should have no bearing on you. Your son is not safe in this house, with the partner. Standing over a child, physically intimidating them, threatening them, is horrendous. Your mom won’t defend you or your son.
The sooner you can separate yourself from your mom and her partner, the safer you’ll be. In the meantime, hold your boundaries and continue to protect your son. This (both your support and the partner’s verbal mistreatment) will impact him, even if he doesn’t remember later.” HighlyImprobable42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact is you are already taking steps to make sure your son is going to understand boundaries and the consequences of unacceptable behavior. You also already have an actual licensed professional involved in his development. You would only be a jerk if you didn’t listen to professional advice or didn’t want to seek it, to begin with.
I know this may not be an option, you may be relying on your mother’s financial help, or for some childcare, but if not, and she is unwilling to keep her partner out of your apartment, you may want to reevaluate living with her.
Nothing you have said about this guy’s behavior indicates he is going to ever not give his opinion. Also if he is this aggressive with trying to discipline your son when you’re there, I would be concerned about when you are not.” KMK_Direct
12. AITJ For Explaining To My Kids Why Their Half-Brother Doesn't Seem To Like Them?
“My husband and I are raising three kids. My husband was married before me and he has a son, Cole (16m) from his first marriage. Cole’s mom died 11 years ago and my husband and I met 9 years ago and married 7 years ago. Together my husband and I have a daughter Freya (6) and Theo (5).
Cole has never really accepted me as family or the kids. He’s not unkind but disinterested in us, especially the kids. It’s not that he doesn’t like kids. He’s great with other kids.
Cole was in therapy after his mom died and we did family therapy together before my husband and I married. He never spoke against marriage or us having kids.
But he’s not very warm toward us either. It really shows with the kids more because they really want to be closer to him. They want him to take the same interest in them as he does in other kids. They have seen him with his friends much younger siblings and with young cousins and kids in the neighborhood.
My husband and I don’t push too hard. I will take Cole to pick up a video game every few weeks because he loves gaming and I ask him questions about the games he enjoys as a way of trying to bond. We also go to arcades, and the pool and we go for walks all together.
Yesterday I was taking the kids to a Halloween party and Freya asked me why Cole doesn’t like them and I asked what she meant. She said she asked why he likes other kids more than them and he told her they don’t have the same mom.
Theo didn’t understand most of it but Freya understood enough to be upset. She was crying and Theo was confused more than anything. This all came up because Freya wanted to show off her costume to Cole but he wasn’t interested. Yet he does show interest in other kids’ costumes.
I told them sometimes, when a kid ends up with their parents no longer together and they fight a lot or when a kid loses their mommy or daddy young like Cole lost his mommy, it means they find it hard to let some people into their heart.
That Cole lost his mommy and it made it harder for him to feel about us the way we feel about him. Freya said her best friend has a sister who has a different dad but she loves her. I told her it doesn’t happen all of the time and sometimes it gets better but that how Cole feels does happen at times and all we can do is try to accept it and respect the way he feels.
I also told them it was not their fault, at all.
My husband wasn’t home at the time but when he did I told him what happened. His parents were also home because they wanted to see the kids all dressed up. They heard what I told my husband and they told me I should never have said that to the kids because I should know Cole isn’t being fully honest when he says things about not loving them and I will make the kids think it’s true when they’re so little and too young to understand the complexities and I made it so black and white for them.
My husband told his parents they needed to leave. But they called me a bad mom before they left. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Thank you for trying to explain complex family dynamics to your kids in a way that respects the feelings of all involved, puts no blame on anyone, and enables your blended family to live together as best they can.
Also, refreshing to read a story where the stepmom is not stomping on boundaries and forcibly claiming the title of mom. I’m pretty sure Cole appreciates that in a way he cannot really express yet. Inlaws need to stay in their lane. Good on your husband for backing you up.” spoonfullofrage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You chose to be honest with your children in an age-appropriate manner. You have been handling this situation with grace and dignity. Quite frankly, his outright treatment of them is appalling. He treats them worse than strangers and your young children have noticed this.
They’ve noticed that they are LESS to him than random strangers. If he was disinterested in all children they wouldn’t notice, but he seems to go out of his way to treat strangers kinder than he does them. It may be time to revisit family therapy.
Your young children are being harmed by this dynamic, and they deserve a voice and help to process this. You did a phenomenal job right now, but this feeling of rejection and abandonment will continue to grow as they continue to witness themselves being less.
He doesn’t need to treat them like they are super close siblings. But he shouldn’t be treating them so noticeably different than he treats random kids in the neighborhood.” Ohcrumbcakes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But I will say, when I was 16 I loved my biologically 100% related siblings a lot but I was still way kinder and more adult with young kids out of the family.
It’s easy to be the coolest teenager in the world to a kid if you only have to be accessible for 15 minutes. At 16 privacy maturity and peace were huge needs for me because it was a stressful time. Having 5 and 6-year-olds in the house might just be genuinely stressful for him at times.
I would also remind your kids that at 16 different things are important to him right now. I guess 1 small info request, how have Freya and Theo never heard of Cole’s mom? Is she not talked about much and are there no pictures of her in the home?” AugustNClementine
11. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Move Out After 12 Years Of Living Together?
“12 years ago my husband and I were making a big move and my parents were interested in moving too. We made a deal that I would go first as my job came through first then my mom and daughter would come live with me to help with my daughter since I couldn’t find childcare to fit my schedule.
In exchange, we would pay for everything for her as well as pay the mortgage on my parent’s home until everyone got settled.
My parents were in a bad place so my dad moved with my brother for a while but my dad has since passed away.
My mom helped take care of my daughter for a while then once my husband followed and we got things figured out she started working but still lived with us. Financially things were tight for us, we had a second child and bought a home.
A couple years after buying the home we had to replace the whole heating and AC unit. This put us in some debt as it was very expensive. My mom came into some money when my dad died from life insurance and the sale of their home.
She offered to loan us $40,000.00 to pay off some debt.
We immediately started paying her monthly payments to pay her back. After a while, she said not to pay her as she would pay $500 a month in rent and we could just write that off the total owed each month.
This was agreed and that’s how we moved forward. She lived with us and we paid for everything except $500 off the amount owed each month. This started 8 years ago.
Almost 2 years ago now my husband and I split. I kept the home and had the kids the majority of the time.
My kids are older now and we have settled into our new life, but my mom still lives here. She is retired now and does help me with the kids at times, but I am ready for my space. She has lived with me for 12 years now.
I still pay for everything and she lives here. I am grateful for everything that she has done, but I want time with my kids, I want time to myself!
She doesn’t act like a grandparent and often butts in when I’m having conversations with my kids.
I have tried to nicely tell her that I need her not to do that as I am the parent. I am 41 years old and I just want to live my life, but if I don’t invite her or ask her to do things with us she gets upset and says she doesn’t feel included.
I pay for everything, occasionally she will buy some groceries, and once in a while she will give me a couple hundred dollars, but I cover all living expenses. The one time I asked if she could go stay with her sister for a weekend as my kids would be gone and I really just wanted a weekend to myself she got upset and suggested I go get a hotel room.
I can’t afford a hotel and why should I have to pay for my house? My brother rarely sees her and she doesn’t get to spend much time with his kids so I understand that is part of the problem, but AITJ for wanting her to move out and just be a grandma and not act like a second parent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but this is going to be messy! This living situation has evolved and changed and gone on for so long, that I am 100% sure your mom sees your home as hers, as the arrangement you made over a decade ago never came to pass.
You need to start having this conversation now and start it with clear boundaries, as you have already made your decision and are not looking to invite other options. “Mom, I’ve appreciated everything you’ve done over the last 12 years. Our arrangement was meant to be temporary when moving here, and I’ve come to realize that I need to have my space back.
I’m going to give you __however many weeks/months to find a place, but this is non-negotiable.”” KBD_in_PDX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What a mess. Consider a mediator/counselor to help you and your mother come to an agreeable understanding?” Middle_Advisor_5979
10. AITJ For Wanting To Travel To Wales Alone Despite My Mother's Anxiety?
“I, 22F, have wanted to visit Wales for years ever since I saw it on Torchwood.
I’ve just finished up a season of trail work, I have decent savings, and I’m unlikely to be able to find a job in my field too quickly. Also, I still live at home, and likely will for a while as job hunting sucks right now and I’m in the stage where I expect to apply to like at least 50 jobs.
One thing about my family is that my mom has an anxiety disorder that wasn’t treated at all until a few years ago. My dad just enables her.
Some of it I kind of understand, like her not wanting me to go to the movies by myself at night, but then she also stopped me from going to prom because I didn’t have a date, refused to let me go on my first date (I was 20.
She physically stopped me from leaving.) She also thought I was going to develop a serious psychiatric disorder that her brother has. My therapist had to tell her to stop accusing me of having this because I have shown no signs of it and the constant accusations and controlling my behavior was causing me serious anxiety.
I told my parents a few days ago that I was planning on going to Wales. They asked if I was going by myself. I said yes. I can afford this trip. Obviously, it would be “better” financially if I just saved my money and didn’t do anything but I refuse to live my life like that.
I had a very stressful few months and I deserve a vacation. My parents are concerned that I can’t afford it. They could start charging me rent so I have no savings, but I highly doubt that would happen since they are genuinely worried about me.
My mom also told me that I don’t deserve/need a vacation and I just need to get used to being an adult and working all the time.
They are also concerned that I’m going to miss a family birthday party. I have told my mom about 30 times that there is no way I am missing it but she keeps claiming that I said I would (?).
I asked my brother at dinner if he would be willing to drive me to the airport and she completely blew up. Telling me I can’t buy a ticket or anything without asking her first and I don’t get to just leave without permission. Later I ran into her while I was grabbing my laundry and she said “I’m really unhappy right now.” Which I ignored, because I have nothing productive to add to that.
She then stood in front of me to stop me from leaving and freaked out about said birthday party again and started yelling at me saying I can’t just leave and she thought it was a terrible idea. I refused to yell back at her anymore so I just left. She asked me why I didn’t answer and I said I had nothing to say right now, and she started yelling at me again.
The thing is, I would consider a vacation closer to home (I’m American) but I literally can’t do anything without her freaking out and being horribly anxious and yelling at me. This has stunted my social development literally my entire life and I can’t put up with it anymore.
I have so many regrets and I don’t want this to be another one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your money, your time, your vacation. Honestly, I’m all for you going on this trip, but your money would be put to better use if you planned for a different living arrangement.
At least part of the stressful nature of the past few months (if not years) involves dealing with your mother’s demands. I understand anxiety, trust me, I have it to the point of it being recognized as a disability, but you’re an adult and you can’t live your life like this.
If I were you, I’d focus not on a short respite, but on a long-term plan. Wales will be there a few years from now; your mental health, I’m not so sure. And nothing will be solved once you come back if you go to Wales now.
Please consider it.” ladyteruki
Another User Comments:
“You’re 22. I left home to go to college at 17. And I don’t think adults need to negotiate things like trips with their parents. NTJ. Just stop telegraphing your intentions in front of her before she figures out a way to thwart your entire agenda.
I’d email her my itinerary just before the plane takes off. And unless it’s your birthday party and you’re the grand guest of honor? You can miss this one.” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ You’re an adult now, and your parents needed to take responsibility and action for your mother’s anxiety a long time ago since it’s preventing you from having other relationships and realizing ambitions.
You need an escape plan, friends you can stay with, and get out of the house what you need. Do not communicate anything of this to your parents and try to make it seem you’re keeping to routine as much as possible. Don’t make the trip until you’ve gotten out of the house and gone NC with your parents with as little financial dependence as you can get.
Ianto’s Shrine is amazing, something maintained for over a decade!” lemon_charlie
Have a brilliant trip. This trip will do you more immediate good than saving up to move out because it will help you break free of her in your head.
9. AITJ For Telling My Sister I Can Handle Her Autistic Son Better Than Her?
“I (32F) have a twin sister, and we are the only kids in our family. When we were 12 my father was taking my sister “Clara” to lacrosse practice. My dad got into an accident, with a tipsy driver, killing him instantly.
She was a complete wreck after this, and I became her rock. She blamed herself because she hated lacrosse she only played it to get in well with the popular girls in our class. She felt extreme guilt over it, and I tried to help her through this.
She nearly dropped out of school and barely finished 6th form (high school equivalent in UK).
I had no time for anything but school or my sister and devoted myself to her and my schooling. My sister on the other hand fell in love with “Matt” (34M) shortly after graduating.
She fell pregnant and they married shortly after.
Clara gave birth years ago to a son we’ll call “Carl.” (12M) Carl seemed to be a slow starter in everything, he didn’t even speak until he was 4. After tests, it was revealed he is on the autism spectrum and will likely not be high functioning for his entire life.
He is very destructive and has a meltdown whenever he doesn’t get his way. Due to the damage he has inflicted to their home and the therapy he requires Clara has had to take a part-time job.
I and my partner “Liza” (30F) are childfree, but we happily agreed to help her with babysitting while Clara works.
It is only a few hours, usually 2-5 on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. I work from home and Liza works the night shift so this isn’t a great problem. Liza works as a behavioral psychologist for kids, she’s seen many kids like Carl. I also googled appropriate ways to interact with Carl, coupled with her advice.
We’ve got a working relationship with him and his meltdowns have tapered to a minimum.
Recently though he’s started to fuss and get loud whenever he leaves my home. Clara tells me she cannot handle him after he comes back from our house. Recently Clara was complaining about how she had to decline a shift because Matt is going to a training seminar.
I said of course she doesn’t have to decline, I and Lisa can take care of Carl. She said my “influence wasn’t necessary” and it would only cause more problems. I asked what she meant and she said Carl would always scream that Auntie would always let him do this or that.
I gently reminded her she could use the same techniques I and Lisa do, but she blew up at me and said it’s way easier for me to be the “cool parent” because he is only there for a few hours and I don’t have to deal with him all day.
I lost my temper and said maybe it means something that a person other than her can get Carl to behave. She started screaming at me, and called me a jerk for backseat parenting.
My family has blown up my phone saying I don’t know true parenting.
I’m wondering if I did underestimate and if I overstepped my bounds when I have fairly little contact with Carl.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were kind enough to spend the time learning how to help the child cope in his world and you had the expertise of a professional who deals with this regularly to help you even further.
Not being a biological parent doesn’t mean someone is instantly ignorant about children. She just bit the hand that was helping her. Try not to be too distressed, she has chosen this route out of jealousy and there is nothing you can do about it.
Her child was happy at your house because the child felt communicated with. She noticed it when she picked her kid up and that when she came in the door everything was fine. You had made progress she hadn’t been able to achieve. She prob was just giving in to the child’s demands rather than trying to learn how you did so well and is doing more harm than good in the long run.
The child is the one who will suffer from his mother’s ignorance. I wish you all the best.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“Soft ESH. As the parent of a special needs child they do act their worst (as any kid) at home. I had a teacher always telling me how much better the child acted in school.
It is a different environment and the teacher is not their soft place to land. That being said my husband and I took more than one parenting class because things that work with our other two certainly did not work with this one. I hope you show her this because taking the classes helps so much and everyone could use help.
Second I hope maybe you keep offering to watch Carl but refrain was saying how much better you and your partner are at this. Unless you have a special child 24/7 you will not understand this.” ComprehensiveOne3176
8. AITJ For Rejecting My Dad And His Family's Apologies After They Sided With My Stepmom Over Me?
“I (20m) moved out of my dad’s house when I was 16 and went to live with my maternal grandparents in another state because things with my dad and his family became so toxic.
The reason for this is that they chose my dad’s second wife over me. I was 6 when I lost my mom and 8 when my dad met Diane. I never liked Diane. Initially, it was because I saw her presence as being disrespectful to my mom.
I was a kid, a little boy who lost his mom and I was a momma’s boy so maybe not too surprising. But Diane showed me early that she did not like mentions of my mom. She never said it to my dad or his family, just to me.
She’d say it hurt her feelings that I would talk about mom around her like mom was somehow better than her or that I would rather have my mom back. I told my dad and my extended family and they were like oh don’t be silly, Diane loves us and she talks about your mom when we do, this is because you don’t like your dad moving on.
Over the following few years, dad and Diane got married and had kids together and Diane would tell me how much she hated the fact even Dad’s family missed Mom and spoke about her on occasion. She said we were all supposed to be hers now.
The more I spoke out the more Dad would tell me I was trying to ruin his new happiness and that it was cruel to expect him to stay alone forever. I told him he could do better than Diane and I got a lecture from him and my family saying Diane was amazing and mom would have loved her.
I even showed them a video I took of Diane making annoyed and disgusted faces and rolling her eyes when mom was mentioned and I was told she knew I was filming and she was sick of my nonsense.
My dad agreed to let me go at 16 because I told him I would not try to get along better with Diane and I wanted no part of his family anymore.
Two months ago Diane exposed herself to the family and showed them how she felt about mom. One of my cousins was celebrating her birthday and it was one of the milestone birthdays mom was mentioned and photos were shown of Mom since she was my cousin’s godmother.
Diane went off on how she hated my mom and was glad she was dead and she wishes she could erase her from everyone’s memories and a bunch of other stuff.
My dad and his family (minus his younger kids of course) all came crawling back and sent me messages apologizing.
I ignored them until it got so overwhelming that they all got together while Dad called my grandparents to talk to me. They apologized again and when I said nothing right away they told me I should accept their apology and talk to them. This is when I told them their apology is meaningless to me.
They told me I shouldn’t say that, I’m being petty because they’re trying to make amends. My dad said nothing was so bad that they couldn’t make up for it and I said it was still meaningless. They ended the call annoyed at me and saying I was being childish.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They keep on trying to tell you how to feel, rather than respecting those feelings and dealing with you accordingly. It’s the same nonsense now, just with new packaging. I’d be annoyed too. They harmed way back when and let the wound scar over.
Only you can decide if it’s worth trying to repair things and when that process will take place.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but… Their apologies are not meaningless. They are VINDICATION! You told them what she was doing. They dismissed you. And it got so bad that you moved out.
Feel free to hold that over Dad’s head all you like. You now at least can try to repair your relationship, if not right away. Tell them you need time. You might be going away to college if you aren’t already there. You can work on the relationships in baby steps at your discretion.
The fact that they are coming to you saying that you were right, gives you a lot of control on how to proceed from here.” frostedtim
7. AITJ For Wanting My Freeloading Cousin To Move Out?
“My aunt asked me (36f) to take her son Jake (21m) in 9 months ago as he left home due to issues with his dad and was couch surfing.
It is just me and my daughter (13) here and I was happy to help. He has his room and I provide him with meals – he buys his snacks. Jake has not hidden the fact that this was not his choice and has told me that my aunt made him move in with me.
I didn’t ask for him to pay board to begin with as he was having a hard time emotionally and I didn’t know how long he would be here. The only thing I asked was that he keep the bathroom clean. He does not clean and it gets to the point where I have to scrub the pee off the floor myself.
(He shares the bathroom with my daughter, but she has other chores and it’s not fair to ask her to do this too. I also know the mess my daughter makes, it is considerably more now).
Jake also has no consideration for my house. Ex, he will leave his window wide open when he goes out and it’s pouring rain.
I bring my concerns up to him and he will say throwaway things like “I was planning on cleaning later today”. I know they are basic issues but its constant and things I shouldn’t have to tell an adult.
There is also the increased cost to me.
I am a single parent and while I could support myself and my daughter, I am struggling with the extra costs. I couldn’t even afford to get my mother some flowers for her birthday this year and while I know she understands I still feel horrible.
2.5 months ago I told Jake that I needed him to contribute. I did some research into reasonable board took my own increased costs into account and decided on $150pw. He said it was too much, so I lowered it to $100pw. He paid that week but not the next 4.
I brought it up that he paid one week, and then my aunt paid the next week. A week later she paid again but only half. Then nothing and no communication about it. I don’t want to have to chase up money every week. I know he has money as while he is a student he has a job and he also receives money from the government.
I also think it is unfair that my daughter is missing out on things while I am having to cover the increased costs due to Jake being here.
Between the above and the attitude, (most days he will just grunt at me when I speak) I feel I am almost at breaking point.
Me and my daughter now spend most of the time in our rooms as I feel uncomfortable in my own house.
I feel like I am being taken advantage of and want to ask him to leave (I would give him time). He can move back in with his family, he just doesn’t want to due to not getting along with his dad and he would have to share a room with his brother again.
I’m also worried about the repercussions with my family. I know my immediate family will support me, but I am concerned that the rest of my family will be mad at me for asking him to leave.
So WIBTJ for asking him to move out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You *are* being taken advantage of. And now you realize why your cousin is no longer welcome at home. You should not feel at all guilty about telling him to leave – after all your aunt dumped him on you without a second thought knowing exactly what he would be like.
If anyone should be worried about repercussions, it should be your aunt – after all, she is dumping her family’s problems on other people.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, and the only reason you feel like you’re being taken advantage of is because… You are!
He sounds like a bit of a leech and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this right now. If you want to try and have another conversation with him that might help, but you might wanna print out the eviction papers regardless” nayciajazomo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your home and your daughter’s. Your responsibility is to the two of you, not to him. And I can’t believe his mother asked you to take him in and expected you to cover the increased costs. Tell them that you agreed to do this as a favor, bit it’s not working out and you need him to move out.
Don’t take no for an answer, because you’ve already raised issues multiple times which they have not taken seriously: He does not clean and it gets to the point where I have to scrub the pee off the floor myself. Jake also has no consideration for my house, he will say throwaway things like “I was planning on cleaning later today”.
Most days he will just grunt at me when I speak. He paid that week but not the next 4. My aunt paid the next week. A week later she paid again but only half. Then nothing.” I’m not surprised there’s conflict between him and his father, he’s behaving like a spoilt brat.
But that’s not your problem. If they’re the type of people who will gossip about this and try to blame you, you might want to mention what’s going on to some of your family ahead of time, so that you don’t have additional drama to deal with.” Moose-Live
6. AITJ For Leaving My Aunt's Home After Uncomfortable Situations With Her Partner?
“I (f21) moved to Germany in Winter, I came from a tropical country. At first, I decided to live at my aunt’s (58) home before finding a place on my own. My aunt has a partner who comes every weekend. At first, I thought he was kind, but then I noticed that he would touch me every chance he got, and just too close to me so it made me uncomfortable.
One day he asked me if I could swim, and I said yes. We were supposed to go to the park that weekend but then he suddenly changed his mind and said that we would go swimming at 4 pm. I told them it was cold.
They told me it’s warm inside the sauna (they say the swimming pool has a sauna in it and they have it on a package). Around 3 pm he told my aunt that we would go there at 9 pm because there would be so many people at 4 pm, and he didn’t like it.
But when I checked the weather, it’d be 1°C at 9 pm, I didn’t really wanna go because I knew they were going to a sauna, and the rule here is that you have to be unclothed in the sauna. I don’t wanna be unclothed in front of my aunt and her partner.
Then I told my aunt that I wouldn’t come with them because I wanna go out w/ my friend. My aunt was so happy and even told me that I should go out with my friends often. But then the next day my aunt suddenly got angry at me.
I was confused because she used to encourage me to hang out with/ my friends often, even sleep at a friend’s house on the weekend. It turned out that her partner got upset that I didn’t go to the sauna with them. He got mad at her, she got mad at me.
That creeps me out.
My aunt was always good every time he was not around. I told my aunt I’d to do a group project with my friend and went to sleep at another of my friend’s houses and will be back on Sunday. But then on Monday, she got upset again.
She said that her partner got angry and didn’t feel appreciated at all. She told me that “he is a guest”,& I’d to entertain him so I decided to stay on the weekend& tried to entertain him even though he ignored me at first.
Then the next weekend I had to help an aupair girl who had just been kicked out of her home, I was afraid this girl had trauma so I decided to keep her company at a friend’s house. I told my aunt I was staying at a friend’s house and she was okay with it.
But when I got back I got scolded by my aunt again when I explained the situation then she told me to go find another place to stay and to live at my friend’s house. She did the same thing I told her about the Aupair girl’s situation so I’d experienced what the Aupair girl did.
I was so scared, kept crying, and asked around for help. I finally had someone who wanted to help me so I packed all my stuff and went out of there early in the next morning for good. I left all her stuff there, and the key in the post box.
I didn’t dare to face my aunt, I was so afraid of her. Then she told her kid so her kid hated me for it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any way. I’m so sorry you were put in that position by your aunt, it is truly creepy and nasty the lengths some people will go to to appease a partner.
You were very smart and exactly right to get yourself out of there, who knows what her partner had planned for you.” InterabangSmoose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What your aunt and her partner did was messed up, your aunt shouldn’t have been angry at you, she should have been asking you questions if you felt comfortable going there, she knew that at the sauna you had to be unclothed, she should have told her partner that it was weird that he wanted to see you there, knowing that he would see you unclothed, she shouldn’t have kicked you out, out of anyone, she should have kicked her partner out, and her partner is disgusting, he knows that he’s with your aunt and he still touched you and still wanted to see you unclothed!
If I were your aunt, I would have broken up with the partner and I would have never kicked you out of the house! I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that, I hope you’re doing better now!” SpareMedical2964
5. AITJ For Choosing Who To Share My Pregnancy News With First?
“Did one of my best friends ruin my pregnancy announcement and am I at fault?
This is my first time as an expectant mother. I fell pregnant with an IUD. The father of the baby and I had only been seeing each other for about 3 weeks.
So I have been riddled with anxiety and nerves about what to do. I never wanted children so the whole experience has been very confusing.
I have a group of friends that I have been close with for over 10 years. There has been distance at times due to life changes (locations, work, and general life getting in the way) but we always found a way to reconnect.
In that group, some of us are more closely connected, some more than others. I confided in 3 of them all separately about my pregnancy as 1 was getting married overseas when the baby was going to be 3 months old (so I needed logistical information before she announced it to know if traveling as a first-time mum with a newborn was feasible).
I confided in the other two because they are both super realistic and parents themselves so I wanted the raw truth if motherhood was really “for me”. Again, nobody I had told knew I had told anyone else (so maybe this is all my fault?)
One of the people I had told accidentally let it slip to someone in the group that I was pregnant. She begged the person to not tell anyone at all because she realized the mistake she made. (She has since apologized to me and I accepted).
The person she let it slip to though lasted all of ONE HOUR before she intended to expose my secret to the wider friend group (robbing me of this chance to tell my friends myself). To my benefit, the two people she planned to tell were the other two in the group who already knew.
She could tell from their response when she went to tell them that they both knew. She lost her temper and wrote me a text message in a group chat of others who didn’t know about my pregnancy saying “Congratulations”. It was very spiteful, I feel like she took the chance away from me to a) tell her to her face I was pregnant and b) tell other people in the group who didn’t know I was pregnant.
She then started sending me these awful messages about how hurt she was that I didn’t consider her feelings when telling people I was pregnant. She was making out as if she was the only person on the planet that didn’t know, she even went as far as to say I had told everyone else but her so I could make a fool of her.
None of this was true or my intention at all. I had planned to tell her and the other friends the following weekend at a face-to-face lunch so we could celebrate together. She has since spent the last week attacking everyone in the group who knew, saying “How dare they keep secrets from her”.
I’m really confused. I felt like my pregnancy news was my news to share when I felt like sharing it and with whoever I felt like sharing it with, and in no particular order. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This “friend” sounds controlling, jealous, and a bit insecure, and wants the world to revolve around her.
You had very valid, logical reasons to choose those three other friends to tell first. Your friend is taking it personally and is not considering how you feel, and I bet that had she been one of the people you chose to tell first, for whatever reason, she wouldn’t be acting this way.
It sounds like she has anxious attachment issues or issues related to this, but regardless, this is extremely disrespectful and I’m sorry that they ruined this for you. They are not a good friend and have some of their issues to work through.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your pregnancy is your news to share with whomever and whenever you are comfortable. Your friend asked why you didn’t share it with her. This behavior right now is why. How dare people keep secrets from her – it wasn’t their secret to share!
P.S. Don’t get hung up on the “ruining pregnancy announcement”. This isn’t such a big deal as people make it. Once your friends and family know doesn’t matter how they found out or when, it matters how they are supporting you.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You specifically asked all three to keep your pregnancy a secret and one could not oblige. She chose to megaphone the news on social media. This person is responsible for disclosing news she was not to share with anyone. This is a clear-cut NTJ situation based on fact.
Best to you!” DesertSong-LaLa
4. AITJ For Tripping Over A Suitcase My Husband Refused To Move?
“I (F32) am currently eight months pregnant with our first, and I am trying to do everything I can to make sure the house is ready.
This started with little spring cleaning jobs, but has developed into a full blown deep clean of everything.
One of the things I have decluttered recently was mine and my husband’s (M33) closet. I donated everything we don’t wear, and have folded and put away everything that we won’t need during winter.
Some of this clothing has gone into a suitcase, which is currently sitting on our bedroom floor because it is too heavy for me to lift and put away. I have asked my husband to please help me more than once, but he is always either too tired after finishing work or he says that it slips his mind.
All in all, the suitcase is currently looking like a permanent installation in our bedroom. He has at least shifted it out of the main walkway in the interim.
Last night, I woke up to go to the bathroom and ended up tripping over the suitcase as I fumbled in the dark.
I do obviously know where it is after it has been there for so long, but I was half asleep and trying to avoid our sleeping pup. While the fall wasn’t bad, I did wake my husband in the process.
My husband was initially quite worried – especially since our midwife told us any fall needed a trip to the hospital – but once he realised it was because of the suitcase, he became quite upset.
He said that there is no way I could have tripped over the suitcase unintentionally as he has moved it out of the walkway, and I had done it to “prove a point”. He said that he could not believe I would behave so passive-aggressively and put our baby’s life at risk rather than just asking him again, and that forgetting to move the case is not a crime.
The more I tried to explain that I was trying to avoid waking him and tripping over the dog, the more he said that these were just convenient excuses to make him look lazy and unhelpful around the house. He said I was punishing him for not getting to the suitcase sooner, and that if anything, I should have had a plan to deal with it from the beginning as it was me who had wanted to sort out the closet in the first place.
My husband was fired up again after I mentioned to the midwife this morning that I had tripped over a suitcase, and he said I could have just told her that I had fallen over the dog or my shoelaces. He said that he had made his feelings clear during the night when we had our discussion, and I was rubbing salt in the wounds now.
I spoke to my mom (F61) about it after we got back from the midwife because I wanted to vent, and she surprisingly took his side and said I was letting my emotions get the best of me.
My mom said I should have been more graceful bringing it up in front of the midwife (although I will say that I never said anything about asking him to move it), and she said that the situation has probably made my husband feel quite bad about himself which is why it has turned into such a “big drama”.”
Another User Comments:
“First of all, I am so sorry you are married to an insensitive jerk, who cannot understand the consequences of his actions or a lack of thereof in your case. I cannot believe that you are even thinking about the ways of not making him look bad, when he so much should.
Please, stop considering the fragile feelings of a grown husband. It is essentially his fault that you tripped over the suitcase since it was his job to have it removed. If you tripped over the dog or shoelaces (who is even wearing shoes with laces at night), you would be just saying that.
If he wants you to not say that, he might just move the suitcase. As easy as that. Your husband is a jerk, not you.” annawrite
Another User Comments:
“Certainly NTJ. Doesn’t matter if something has been there one day or thirty years, in the middle of the night it’s still possible to make a wrong step in the wrong direction as the dark tends to disorientate you.
Example: When I was pregnant I used to get up in the dark when I needed the bathroom. Not only did it not disturb my ex but also helped me get back to sleep faster. And I felt I needed all the sleep I could get!
(Never enough btw…) Some thirty years later I still get up in the dark if I need to go and pee. I know my bedroom like the back of my hand but am still capable of blundering into a piece of furniture instead of the door if I’m really not very awake.” ShineAtom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Holy moly. You DO NOT LIE about how you got an injury, especially if it’s due to negligent actions by your husband. He’s blaming you for his lazy behavior, it sounds like it’s just one suitcase and all he had to do is put it away, probably a job that will take less than 10 minutes.
Your mother is not being helpful at all, she is excusing his behavior. You are making space for your baby and preparing for life with them, how are you your and husband helping with this it sounds like they are just making your life harder.” International-Fee255
3. AITJ For Sharing My Gaming Account With A Friend And Then Taking It Back?
“I, F15 am an avid gamer and play games on all types of devices; Nintendo, PlayStation, PC, laptop, etc. I mostly play on my PC because most of my games are Windows compatible so I got Steam and I had Steam for a while like a year before I met my friend Sana in my new school, He liked the game Omori and couldn’t play the game because he didn’t have the resources to buy it so I offered to let him use my account to play the game and then he can sign off, I didn’t give him my log in details on that day saying I forgot them but my card details were linked to the account so when I went home I disconnected my card and forgot it off the account and the next day I gave Sana the login details, he played for days on end, he’s done everything you can do in Omori.
I was playing overwatch and Sana called me and I declined because my sister and brother came over and were watching me play, I received multiple calls from Sana and I couldn’t text back because he was spamming me, I blocked calls from my computer so I could text him and tell him why I couldn’t respond when I told him he told me “Fine.
I get that you don’t wanna call with me.” he then ended the call and put his phone on DND, I texted him that I’m sorry and that I’m not allowed to call when family comes over, in the morning he texted “ok”.
I saw him playing Omori and I wanted to watch him play so I called him but he didn’t respond, I called him a second time a couple of minutes later because I thought he was AFK but again no response.
I looked at the Omori tab, he had been playing Omori for 9 hours straight, I saw the CONNECT option, I wanted to see what it did because it said I could connect to his laptop. I connected and he was playing and I could hear him, he was watching TikTok and playing so I called him again and I heard it ring and I heard the decline sound and he said “Bro why does this girl keep calling me” So I turned his sound off and started playing with remote play.
He started to angrily text me and said “What are you doing????” “I’m trying to play” “Leave me alone” and I said “What are you talking about” “I’m not doing anything” He responded with “Yes you are” “Can you stop” “You’re so annoying” He called me and I accepted He started to shout “WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING YOU’RE SO ANNOYING CAN YOU STOP YOU’RE BEING SUCH A JERK” I ended the call after saying “Sorry”.
When I went to school, he didn’t say a word to me and just made faces at me, he had told our whole friend group and during the break, they all told me I was being a jerk and it wasn’t funny and to go say sorry to him I gave him a heartfelt apology and he didn’t expect and when I went home I logged him out, he’s not gonna act that way and still have control over my account, when I went to school my friends were furious and didn’t talk to me until they told me I couldn’t do that and that it was his account too and I had no right to do that, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is so dumb, YTJ for sharing your account, NEVER share your Steam account with someone. Change the password, and don’t do that again.” Irdgafbra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Long am a gamer with a family of gamers. The #1 rule is to never share your account with friends or acquaintances.
Anything and everything he does reflects on you. If he violates rules you could get in trouble. If he figures out your info he could make purchases or lock you out. It would be on you because you permitted him. I understand you were being a friend but he is not being one after that behavior and tell your friends that it ISN’T his account too.
You paid for it, it’s your account, etc. You let him play but that’s it. Because it it your account you logged him out because of the way he treated you and the one who owes an apology is him. If they feel so bad for him they should pool resources together and buy it for him.
The problem was solved on their end. Even If he apologizes DO NOT give him access to the account. He could be petty and cause issues. Just tell him sorry, that you don’t share your accounts, and that it would be best if he buys his own.
A real friend may not like it but will accept your decision. His behavior after you let him know you won’t let him back on to your account will show you what kind of friend he is and you may have to cut ties and move on.” rowanspride
2. AITJ For Refusing To Host My Ex-Friends After They Blocked Me?
“I had a group of three friends that consisted of Carly, Sam, and Dee they all live in the same state together whereas I live in a different one. We met in an online game and became best friends, we would play games with each other every night and eventually started planning/going on trips with each other multiple times a year.
The thing about them is that they don’t want anything else in life other than sitting at the computer and playing games. They have no interest in having actual local friends and have no plans for the future.
I suddenly became consistently pretty busy, I got a long-time partner, found a lot of really amazing friends surrounding me, started working a full-time job, and also am a part-time student.
Most of the time they are online gaming from the time I go to work until the late evening. And by the time I get off I’m tired, have homework, and want to spend some time with my partner. That said I would still try to find some time when I had it to get on to play with them.
But I could tell that they started to have a problem with me and I had no idea why until I went onto the computer one free night and saw they kicked me from the discord and every group chat I was in with them.
So I reached out to Sam (the girl I was closest with in the group) and was shocked by her response. To keep it short she told me that it was obvious I didn’t value them and our friendship and I should’ve made more time for them.
She told me that my priorities weren’t in the right place and that it hurt to see me post about being out with my other friends when I could’ve been home with them. She thought it was ridiculous that after my job and finishing my homework, I was “too tired” to get on and play with them.
And she ended it with if I really wanted to be their friend I would’ve “freed up” my schedule to spend time with them. And then she blocked me so I didn’t have a chance to respond. I tried to reach out to the other girls as well and found I was blocked too.
I didn’t hear from them for about two months and honestly, I was okay with it. They didn’t understand I had different priorities and didn’t appreciate the time I made for them when I could. So anyway I start receiving messages from all three of them asking how I’m doing etc. which I ignore.
Then a couple of days later I got a call from Sam she asked me how I was doing doesn’t even wait for a response and continued to tell me that she, Dee, and Carly were going to be in town to go to the amusement park I live by and was wondering if they could stay with me and if I could drop them off at the park and pick them up to save money because they have no money left between them three to get a hotel and transportation after paying for their flights and tickets.
I just hung up. She proceeded to blow up my phone with calls and texts telling me I was a terrible person that I was leaving them homeless in my city and that if anything happened to them it was my fault.
I responded not my problem and blocked them all AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve moved on in life and have other priorities now. Your friends are adults and it is their responsibility to understand and navigate personal boundaries carefully. If they truly value this friendship, then, they should be reaching out to you more kindly and gently.
If they do not get a response from you, the message is loud, clear, and obvious. They should quietly move on as most well-adjusted adults do. Instead, their response sounds like a tantrum.” Electronic_Papaya500
Another User Comments:
“You are NOT the jerk. There’s more to life than video games which you seemed to have found, and are flourishing because of it.
Once they removed you from Discord, that was them saying that they no longer see you as a friend… Oh but NOW they get in contact with you when it benefits them? To save money being in your town? Gtfo. You had every right to hang up on them and go no contact.
Again, NTJ” PiccoloAlive9830
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They made it clear they don’t want to be friends with you anymore by blocking you with no explanation, you got one eventually but you had to ask for it. You don’t get friendship perks without being friends.
Clearly they weren’t great friends, to begin with, focus on the life you’re cultivating and put them out of your mind.” No-Function223
1. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister Who Always Thinks She's Right About My Relationships?
“My sister(33F) is 9 years older than me and growing up she did a lot in terms of raising me since our mom was in and out of our lives.
Our mom had drinking issues and our dad abandoned us for another family when we were young. I don’t remember our dad much but my sister does and she has a deep seated hatred for him. We see him every few years but basically he pretends we don’t exist. Our grandma raised us when our mom wasn’t mentally there sometimes but she was disabled since my sister was in middle school.
My sister did work very hard to help raise me. She got jobs as soon as anyone would hire her working part time after school and full time during the summers. She drove us to school everyday when I was attending high school farther away from home.
She was my sister but she acted like an overbearing parent most of the time. Telling me to stay away from any guy and calling most of my male friends losers and constantly warning me not to get pregnant. She was always monitoring me and it was so annoying.
Then I met my ex who was 32 when I was 19 and my sister freaked out and threatened him with the cops. I was really isolated at the time and he was offered to take me to Boston. We lived in a small town and the idea of getting away was really appealing.
I was young and in love. We started seeing each other and I got pregnant by accident after 8 months. My sister wanted me to not keep the baby and I refused. We fought over it until it became impossible to and I had my son when I was 20.
My ex and I broke up after 2 more years. He is extremely immature and very lazy and honestly I regretted seeing him but I would never admit it to my sister because she is so smug and sure she is always right. She is always telling me how to live my life.
I had been moved out at this point and refused to go back even when it was difficult raising my son alone.
I met my ex fiancé a year later and we had my youngest together. He was unfaithful with a mutual friend. My sister disliked him as well and constantly told me he was useless and I was constantly defending him.
It was so exhausting having to defend all of my relationships against her and worse when they didn’t work out because it felt like she was right.
I have 2 young children and after the breakup I pretty desperate and had to ask her to let me move in.
Our grandma offered but she moved to an assisted living place and I didn’t want to force her to rent because of me again. My sister let me stay in the basement of her place. Last night she was bringing up my ex fiancé and reminding me how many times she told me he was a bad bet and a loser but I didn’t listen.
I lost my temper and yelled at her for her smug attitude and always having to remind me she’s right and I failed. She pointed out she always needs to save me because of my bad choices and she won’t do it again because I refuse to listen to her.
We had a huge fight and her husband had to separate us.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. People who are always giving their opinions can be tough to take, but it seems like at this point you may need to do some serious self-reflection and ask yourself why she is always right (by your own admission).
It seems like you’re more focused on being angry at her for being a better judge of character than you are rather than trying to either listen to her (as apparently she is actually solid source of good advice) or figure out how to learn that skill yourself.
Focusing your anger at her seems misdirected. You’re angry at your horrible exes and disappointed with yourself.” Illustrious-Shirt569
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your sister stepped up and did her best to raise you when your parents couldn’t. She was a child raising a child.
She had better judgment & decision-making skills than you & rather than listening to her, you have lashed out at her and punished her for being right or for seeing things in people that you have missed or willingly overlooked. If you don’t like the outcomes of your decisions, then make better decisions.” floppybunny86
Another User Comments:
“Your sister had all the adults who were meant to look after and protect her behave irresponsibly and left her with her younger sister to take care of. Now you, who don’t appreciate that she is not your parent, she was a teen/young adult going through all that with you, are making the same irresponsible decisions that her parents made.
Who’s looking after your kids if you die? Not those unfaithful, dusty men you keep choosing despite her warnings. Probably her. So you ruin what’s left of her life as well. Give her a break. YTJ” Scouty2010
