People Are Left Wondering In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
29. AITJ For Telling My Daughter She Can't Live With Me If She Gets Pregnant?
“My daughter is 21 and decided to leave college and focus on working. I am a dad and my daughter has never lived with me so I was excited about the prospect of us living together for the first time on a full-time basis. She is a very hard worker and has goals to complete a cosmetology program.
She works full-time and helps with food for the apartment. She is currently seeing a 23-year-old guy with no job and is living with his grandparents because his mom kicked him out.
My daughter has been taking the birth control shot but recently stopped, and refuses to even take the pills.
She remarked that birth control affects her mood and emotions. She has made remarks to me about seeing a friend with a baby and getting “baby fever” as a result. She also recently keeps asking if she can live with me until she is 30. My response is that let’s not put an arbitrary time limit on it.
I told her she could stay as long as she needed to save and be able to live on her own. My caveat was this: If she gets pregnant then it will be time for her to make arrangements to live with her baby’s father before the child is born.
I told her I am 46 and work full time, and having a grandchild in the home is not conducive to my life right now or even for her for that matter. I am not willing to provide childcare and honestly, I travel so much for work I would not be able to.
More importantly, I feel if she and her adult partner decide to have a baby they need to be adults and live together and raise their child. My daughter told my ex-wife and my ex said I was unreasonable and harsh for telling my daughter this.
Am I in the wrong for this?”
Another User Comments:
“Your ex disagrees with your position? Perfect, she can offer to put up her child and grandchild (and most likely the father as well). Win-win! NTJ. There is no reason to enable your daughter to become a freeloader.
Hopefully, she pulls her head out of her backside soon and turfs the lazy bf, he seems to be a bad influence on her.” Ok-Map-6599
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re setting your daughter straight from the jump and making sure she has no illusions you’ll be financially supporting her, her partner, or a grandchild if she decides to make those adult decisions.
Since your ex doesn’t agree with you, it’s perfect. If your daughter and her unemployed partner decide to start a family and play house, they can do so under *her* roof, and with all the support, your ex will happily give them.” Anxious-Routine-5526
28. AITJ For Refusing To Have A Gender Reveal Party Despite My MIL's Insistence?
“I (23f) and my fiance (20m) are expecting our first child. We found out I was pregnant in early December and announced it to our families on Christmas. Everyone was super excited and supportive until the end of March when it came time to find out the gender of the baby.
My fiance and I decided not to have a gender reveal due to a lack of funds, space, and energy, and the fact that this pregnancy hasn’t been the easiest for me(symptom-wise). We let our families know there would be no grand reveal and that it would just be announced through social media or personal calls.
Everyone was okay and accepted that, understanding our reasons. Everyone but my MIL. She took it as a personal attack on her and tried to beg or push us into letting her plan a reveal and that she’d pay for it. We still told her no as I would still have to plan for my family and my dad was working out of town a lot at that time.
She since has been very rude to my fiance and I. We’ve done what we can to be civil and I’ve even kept my distance from her.
I last saw her when we all got together for FIL’s birthday but she refused to say even a word to me.
My fiance’s SIL talked to him about it a day or 2 after and told him that I wasn’t handling the situation properly and that MIL was in the right. She said I’m the jerk for depriving MIL of this for her grandchild. MIL also thinks that I solely made this decision to hurt her even though my fiance has explained that we made this decision together for my health and what I could handle through this time.
My friends and family say I’m not the jerk for doing what’s best for us but the females in my fiance’s family say that I am the jerk. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let this be a lesson. MIL sees your pregnancy as an experience for her.
You are just a surrogate for her grandchild. This is just the beginning of her antics. Have a serious talk with DH about what the plan will be if or when his mother acts up again. Especially when she sends in her flying monkeys to emotionally manipulate you into agreeing to her demands.” KingsRansom79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Strong opinion: Gender reveals are the worst cultural invention of the last 20 years. They bring out the worst in the worst people. Whole forests burned down because of silly rockets and smoke bombs. Grown men crying because they aren’t having a son, now immortalized for posterity.
A baby is coming. Celebrate that! Babies do not care about pink or blue, they just are happy to be alive.” NopeRope777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. MIL is making this about herself. Gender reveals are only a recent phenomenon. MIL is old enough to remember when they didn’t happen at all.
It sounds like MIL is starving for attention. Sorry OP. I hope your pregnancy gets easier.” goldenfingernails
27. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Self-Diagnosed ADHD As An Excuse For Her Bad Behavior?
“I invited my friend to go with me to see an art exhibition.
After several weeks of trying to organize a day and time, we finally found a weekend when we were both free. I told her to advise me by Friday when she wanted to go and confirm the details with me (this part is important).
I never heard back from her and I assumed she changed her mind but on a Sunday morning she messaged me with two hours’ notice and I couldn’t go because I was unwell and didn’t even see the message until later.
She began to send passive-aggressive messages about how I had no regard for her feelings and the least I could have done was respond to her immediately. I wasn’t in the mood for her nonsense so I didn’t respond.
She then proceeded to record a video and uploaded it to social media calling me a lousy friend who “disrespects” her and followed it up with a written post. I should add, that she said I used my medical condition as an excuse not to respond.
This was not the case.
I waited a few days before contacting her and said “You cannot make plans at the last minute and expect people to be available. Also, you humiliated me on social media and tried to minimize my medical condition which is very real. I have tolerated your excessive tardiness, constant canceling, excessive emotional outbursts, and never complained to all our friends.”
Her response was “I have ADHD sensitivity so I react differently to you and your reaction proves you are not a supportive friend”. That is when I told her that her ADHD sensitivity was not real but an excuse for her bad behavior. I should also mention that she is a grown woman who self-diagnosed and managed to convince doctors she has ADHD but refuses to take medication.
AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most ADHDers experience emotions differently than other people. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is real, it exists and it’s a symptom of ADHD. However it does not make people jerks, and it does not make people talk nonsense about their friends online.
That’s on her, not on ADHD.” KTaeH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, can confirm procrastination and time blindness are real, but ADHD medication has significantly helped to reduce the frequency and severity of my symptoms, so I don’t know why your friend would refuse medication.
She just sounds like an inconsiderate person who failed to communicate and doesn’t want to take responsibility.” SpicyGoose37
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she hasn’t been diagnosed by a professional, she does not have ADHD. I don’t care what social media or self-help gurus say, she does not have ADHD if she isn’t diagnosed, and lying about a real mental condition to excuse her bad behavior.” overtheta
26. AITJ For Ending A Tutoring Session When Time Was Up?
“I’m a senior in high school and I do some online tutoring to make some funds so that I don’t have to get a part-time job.
I only have about 6 students, and so far their parents have all been wonderful. The issue is with this one mom. In the first class, I did with her daughter, she sat there the whole time and interrupted me constantly to scold her daughter for not understanding “simple” things.
Since the class was on teams, it was kind of hard for me to figure out what was going on on their end, so it wasn’t as productive as I expected. The mom had sent me some questions to finish, and when the time was up we still had two questions- so I asked the kid if she could stay for a few more minutes so we could finish.
We did. Then the next few classes, I also stayed a couple of of mins past the hour just to finish up the question we were working on. But this last time, the mom had sent me multiple docs of questions, and there was no way we were finishing that in an hour.
So I just told the kid that we’d finish next week, and she said bye to me as well. So I left the meeting.
Then the mom texted me and said she was disappointed that I left without telling her. And also that I should come back and finish the questions.
I said there were too many to finish in a few minutes, so if she wanted them to be done this week, she could schedule another class even later today. She then said that I’m only obsessed with time now and not dedicated to being a good tutor.
She said she’d pay what she owed but didn’t want me to teach her daughter anymore. I don’t mind, I have easier students lol. But I’m wondering if I was in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re providing a service.
You deserve to be paid for the time you put in. Sounds like this mother is trying to guilt you into providing extra services for free. Common enough manipulation, lots of people with bad attitudes do it, but that doesn’t make it right. A customer or employer is only entitled to the hours that they schedule and pay for.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The mother is not respecting your time (or her daughter’s). She’s paying for the service, has been getting a little extra from you, and is trying to push it even further. Honestly, soft YTJ to yourself for setting the precedent of giving a little extra after time is up.
Don’t get me wrong, I get it – you do care about doing a good job and teaching your students. You’re just going to have to make a decision going forward: Either set firm bounds for your time and stick to them rigidly or deal with the occasional bad actor, like this woman, who will try to take advantage of them.
I’m not saying either choice is “better” than the other, but it is the choice you have to make.” jedirieb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You worked your hour and got through as many problems as you could with the kid in that time. Finishing off the problem you’re working on, rather than just leaving abruptly when the clock ticks over is reasonable.
Doing a whole bunch of extra work isn’t.” _mmiggs_
25. AITJ For Not Waking Up Earlier To Motivate My Wife To Get Ready On Time?
” I’m confused. My wife and I both work. No kids. When we wake up in the morning, it naturally takes her a good bit longer to get ready. Women have the added pressure of putting on makeup and are sometimes judged more on their appearance than men.
Not saying it’s fair. The wife just likes to look good for the day and that’s how she chooses to do it.
Anyway, I get up when I need to be on time for work. I’m lucky it takes me less time and it’s not her fault it takes her longer.
But even if I’m standing by the door ready to go in the morning (we drive together), she still blames me for us running behind. The time for us to leave will come and go so sometimes I have to call an Uber and leave her the car or vice versa.
When I ask if she’s about ready or if I should go she gets mad when she’s not ready. I’m not trying to badger her but I need to know what the situation is. I have a job too. She might be late but it shouldn’t make me late.
When we talk about this her repeated argument is that she stays in bed longer than she should because I don’t get up when she needs to be up. I tell her to set a separate alarm and to get up whenever she needs so she can get ready and be on time.
It’s not like I’m sitting around while she makes me breakfast or something I could do for her to lighten the load – at least I genuinely can’t think of anything that would help. When I asked she said it would help if I got up earlier so it would motivate her to get up too.
That just seems ridiculous to me though. Get up and do what? Force her out of bed? Please help me understand.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is being unreasonable, unfair, and a bit immature. But, I suggest you ask yourself this …. does she often do things for you that are above and beyond?
Things that make you say to yourself “I can’t believe she did that for me … I am so lucky!” If the answer is “No, never, in fact, I do a lot of stuff like that and never get anything in return” then this may be a warning sign that things aren’t going well and may get worse.
If the answer is “Yes”, then, even though she is not being reasonable on this, give it to her, just to make her happy. You’ll be happy in the long run too.” ivefallenandicantget
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sorry to say this, but your wife is being a child.
EDIT: And to add, the fact that you turned to the internet out of genuine worry that you might be in the wrong is concerning. It is at moments like these where you put your foot down.” Ravensmindr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “her repeated argument is that she stays in bed longer than she should because I don’t get up when she needs to be up.” How the what the who?
No wonder you need help understanding, cause that doesn’t make sense. You’re not responsible for her getting up on time so she has enough time to get her stuff done. Her relying/waiting to do what she needs to get done but limiting herself to the time frame you stick to, and faulting you for it, is immature and selfish.” brad35309
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To Upscale Places With My Unhygienic Friend?
“My friend May and I have been friends since high school.
We’re both in our early 30s now. May doesn’t take her hygiene seriously and thinks it’s funny.
As an example, once after a multiple-day hiking/camping trip, she went to the airport and boarded her flight immediately after coming out of the woods.
Those in her row were understandably very unhappy to be seated with a muddy, grubby person and gave her disgusted looks, even asking the stewardesses to change their seats but got denied as there were none to spare. May was laughing while telling me this story, as though it were funny while I was horrified.
(I had asked her why on earth would she go straight to boarding her plane not having showered throughout a 4-day hiking and camping trip and she said she had no time. But seriously, shouldn’t any sane person have accounted for this and not booked your flight the same afternoon your camping trip would end?!
Also FYI this is not the only incident)
It may be shallow but I also can’t help but be embarrassed by some of the other things she does, such as chewing with her mouth open and bits of food falling out onto the table, burping loudly and glaringly picking her teeth with her fingernails to dislodge bits of food particles stuck in her molars after we are done eating.
When I mentioned how inappropriate and ill-mannered it was, she thought I needed to chill and not take things too seriously.
By extension, she also thinks that dressing and grooming are vanity and wears oversized button-down checkered shirts, ripped stained jeans, and ratty sneakers everywhere.
She has also had the same bowl haircut since we were 8. When I’ve tried to encourage better styling (she’s told me numerous times she wishes she could have a better sense of style), she thinks it’s too much effort and expensive.
Anyway, she had expressed her interest in going to some nice upscale classy bars and restaurants which coincidentally had also been on my list (but I’ve never mentioned to her, because I wouldn’t wanna go with her) and suggested we check them out together.
I told her ‘maybe’ and then ended up going with some other friends and she saw it on Instagram. She then messaged me about blowing her off.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Even in today’s society where things are way more casual manners still matter. If she can’t bother to at least be clean and not smelly or disgusting.
Or not even show basic table manners or etiquette, then there’s no reason to embarrass yourself and go out with her. If she says you’re blowing her off, tell the truth and that the way you present yourself in public does matter and that while you’re willing to go hiking with her and to other places, you’re not willing to go to with her to certain places because some of her antics embarrass you?” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Look, you can just say – you’ve told me how silly and unimportant you think hygiene and style are – and that is fine for you. They are important to me. There are experiences we will not enjoy together because of this – and plenty of others we can still enjoy.
You would not enjoy a hiking trip with me if I insisted on staying in a hotel, hot showers, cute shoes, etc – things that do not suit the activity as you enjoy doing it. This is the same. I will not enjoy going to a trendy stylish space if you insist on not putting any effort to suit the activity.
Putting some thought into my appearance is part of what makes the activity of going out enjoyable to me. ETA – since she has expressed wanting to have more style etc- you can offer to work on this with her if she is interested.” OLAZ3000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve made quick trips to the corner store to pick up milk looking like a mess at times, but it’s different at places like restaurants/bars where a modicum of decorum is expected. Not to mention the fact that she thinks burping aloud and chewing with her mouth open is acceptable behavior for an adult (in public, anyway) says a lot about her maturity.
I’m hoping she has some other qualities about her that are so amazing that they somehow offset her immaturity because otherwise, I can’t see what exactly you’re getting out of this friendship other than embarrassment.” User
23. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out At 17 With My Partner Against My Mom's Wishes?
“I (16f) and my partner (17m) have been together for around a year. We are both close with each other’s families and have been planning on moving in together after both of our birthdays have passed. I will be turning 17 and he will be turning 18 in June.
We are planning on moving into his dad’s basement which has been renovated as our apartment.
Both of my parents have known about this plan since December of this year and have only said that we would work out the details once the time comes.
My dad was okay with it after I had explained to him the plan for the future. My partner works 2 jobs and I am going to work as well while I do online trade school. I started to pack up a few non-essentials recently which caused an outburst from my mom.
My parents have now changed their minds on the whole situation. My mom says that if I leave I will have to pay for the pills that I am prescribed for my anxiety and ADHD, which I am fine with. Now she is saying that if I move out I will be ruining the family bond.
I took that concern to heart and told her that once a week I would come over for a family dinner and game night as well as an additional night for a girl’s movie night. The girl’s movie night will include me sleeping over so she will still have me around when I can be there but she is not happy about it.
I am trying to start a new chapter in my life and if it ends up being a mistake then it will be mine to fix. I just want my mom’s support in this new journey but she doesn’t support it.
Am I the jerk for wanting to move out at 17 with my partner even though my mom doesn’t approve of it?
I have known my partner for years before we made it official. I will be finished schooling when I move in with him and I will be doing online trade school from his place while working. Where I am from you can move out at 16 yrs old.
My mom’s only concern with this is financial stability. I have been saving funds for years and will be working after high school to financially help myself more.”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You’re young and immature and still growing. You’re a teenager in a relationship for about a year and think it’s your whole world and this is perfect. Any adult reading this I believe myself included sees a disaster waiting to happen. ” Alternative-Gur-6208
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but you are just plain ignorant and your parents are right. You are a kid and you have the opportunity to be a kid and live at home. Instead, you’re rushing out into the real world to take on adult tasks unnecessarily.
You have anxiety and ADHD. You are going to kick those up several notches trying to become a grownup prematurely. You are so going to regret playing house so young. These should be some of the funniest years of your life and you are going to turn them into the most stressful.
Childhood is fleeting – you have 60-70 years to be an adult with adult responsibilities.” Pipsnsqueek
Another User Comments:
“Eh. Soft YTJ. Your parents have a better sense of how hard life can be and how badly poor choices at this age can affect you forever.
Try working enough to pay for your rent, your meds, your food, your clothes, insurance, and medical care for 6 months. Find out how much that is. Relying on his dad for a place to live is short-sighted on his part and yours. You do not need to move in together now.” MadTownMich
22. AITJ For Wanting To Spend My Long Weekend Relaxing Instead Of Going Out?
“I live in the UK so this weekend is a long weekend for me so I get 3 days off. I decided to use a day of annual leave to extend it further so I have Friday-Monday off. My partner and I live together and on Saturday we are out for the day going to an event my partner wanted to go to.
I decided I’d spend the rest of the days off relaxing since I haven’t had much time to relax lately.
I planned to just chill out at home on Friday and watch Netflix, read, play video games etc. I thought I’d do the same thing on Monday and then on Sunday I’d go to the gym, go for a walk and then spend half of the day at home.
Normally we have plans both days on a weekend so it’s nice to have a weekend that not full with plans.
I mentioned this to my partner and she said she thought we could go on another 2 days out and had pretty much planned them.
I told her no and that if she wants to make plans she has to actually discuss them with me and not just expect me to go along with them.
She said since we don’t have anything else planned she doesn’t see the issue but I told her I’m planning to relax like I’ve just told her.
She said I can always do that another weekend but I just pointed out we could also do the days out she wants on another weekend.
She said I shouldn’t be wasting our weekend and should be making plans with her. I told her she’s more than welcome to spend the time relaxing with me but she just said I should want to go out and actually do something.
I told her I’m happy to go on days out next weekend but I’m spending this weekend relaxing.
She called me inconsiderate and said I’m wasting the weekend. AITJ for spending the weekend relaxing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ discussing with your partner on what to do in your free time is always a must. Making plans for them without discussing it‘s not ok.Everyone needs some time to just sit around and relax.
She sounds a bit controlling to be honest” m0veal0ngplease
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, relaxing is an “activity.” Also, independence in a relationship is healthy when balanced properly. Also, for some personality types, perhaps like yours, alone/relaxing-don’t-do-much time is when we re-charge our batteries to be fully present and ‘on’ the rest of the week.
She simply doesn’t understand your perspective, or unfortunately, doesn’t care to embrace it. The source of her reaction could simply be disappointment. She has seemingly invested time thinking about and looking forward to a fun-filled four-day weekend that just got cancelled. Hopefully the disappointment will fade shortly and not turn into resentment.
Though, re-reading your side of the story, phrases like “**our** weekend” and “should be making plans with her” implies you are her sole source of entertainment. You are an individual, a different person than her, with varying needs at varying times. This weekend, you need the time to recharge.
Continue to encourage her to join you, or even better, let her know it’s a great weekend for her to hang with her other friends or do activities she doesn’t want to drag you to. If she doesn’t have any other options and refuses to relax with you… You’re still NTJ.” Sea-Lingonberry2947
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ. And I say this as someone who overbooks herself all the time. Relaxing and destressing is a plan for the weekend. Also, you didn’t make plans for her – she can’t make plans for you. Communication is key.
My spouse and I had to understand that “relaxing” is different for both of us. He wants to go hiking, I am not relaxed unless I’m in my own home.” BoringMongoose4296
21. AITJ For Changing My Mind About Giving My Wii To My Cousin?
“So my cousin who I had not seen in awhile came to visit me (19M) and we caught up and stuff over drinks.
She had brought her kid because she wanted me to look after her for the weekend while she did Uber. I didn’t mind because I knew she was just doing her thing and trying to hustle.
After we caught up, we got on the topic of the Wii because I mentioned that I the kid could play Just Dance with my old Wii while she was gone.
She was surprised I still had it and we reminisced on how we used to play it together as kids. Somewhere down the line, I said that I could give it to her because I hardly play it anymore. She was happy to hear it and was soon on her way.
Now this may sound messed up, but I forgot how much they didn’t tend to take care of stuff on that side of the family. I remember how when I was younger my mom used to give her stuff to them, nice things, and it would always turn up missing or damaged when she asked them about it again.
Mind you, I had my Wii since it first came out in 06, and it still looks and plays the same. After contemplating for some time I rethought my decision. I decided I was just going to buy her one instead of giving mine away.
When she came back over to pick up the kid she mentioned it again.
I felt bad so I didn’t tell her why I changed my mind. I just said I would buy a brand-new one for her since they were fairly cheap. She got so angry and went off on me calling me conceited and selfish and saying how she couldn’t wait to spread the word around.
Am I in the wrong? Let me know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You made a promise, realized you couldn’t commit to it, and offered a suitable replacement. You are in the clear. Your cousin, on the other hand, wanting to “spread the word,” calling you “selfish” and “conceited” like that while still getting her a Wii anyway is just repulsive.” ScarletleavesNL
20. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Fix His Car Without Getting Us Further Into Debt?
“My husband and I have two very old cars. We both work full-time and have two school-aged kids. He recently got a “new” old car, despite my voicing concerns about it (German make, high maintenance, expensive repairs, it’s older than his previous car, etc.) He’s had it for a month, now, and has spent all of his free time working on it, fixing little issues, replacing parts, etc. We have emptied our car maintenance fund, and now a major part has stopped working.
A shop quoted us $1500 to fix it, which is more than what we paid for the car. He decided to try to fix it himself. The repair didn’t work and we’re now $300+ in and still no drivable car.
I’m the one who handles all of our finances – he refuses to participate because he’s “no good at it and would screw it up”.
So I’m the one stressing about how we’re going to afford this and how he’s going to get to work every day until it’s fixed. His solution will most likely be to get a credit card or a loan, which is what he has done in the past when faced with a large financial burden.
Except we’re actively trying to climb out of debt right now, and I refuse to get farther into debt for this frustrating car.
Meanwhile, my car is falling apart at the seams and we can’t afford to get it fixed because we’re spending all our funds on his car.
I’m so stressed thinking of the prospect of having to drive him to work get the kids to school and get myself to work on time when mornings are already stressful enough as it is.
WIBTJ if I told him that he has to fix his car situation on his own, without my input, and without getting us further into debt, and also tell him that I’m NOT giving him rides to work and picking him up every day in the meantime?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Your idea would not make you a jerk. However, it doesn’t sound like it will solve your situation, either. Sounds like it would result in the husband not getting to work and being left messing with a useless car.
I think you’re on the right track, though, leaving your husband to suffer the consequences of bad decisions and having to problem-solve for himself. You’ve been handling it and he’s been shielded from shouldering consequences. Not sure though how you get out of the current pickle.
Perhaps the answer is something along the lines of taking a loan to replace the car (probably at a loss) and choosing the next car (even though it’s “his”) – because gone are the days he leaves all the responsibility and finances to you while making bad decisions.
Then HE has to work to pay down the new debt through some fixed plan and timeline. Some would say this is treating your husband like your kid, but you’re already doing that if he’s dumping finances on you (because he’s “bad” at it) and meanwhile ruining your household budget with bad decisions you bear the brunt of.” Justsaying0000
19. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Sketchy Booktok Practices?
“My sister started posting “booktok” videos in October of last year. If you are not familiar, it is the part of TikTok where people post about books. People post reviews, lists of recommendations, book hauls, etc. She’s always been a big reader so I wanted to support her in this.
Her videos are not super popular and she’s perpetually stuck in “200-view jail” as they call it.
She decided that for her to get more views and engagement she would need to do the thing that gets people a lot of views and post “book hauls” which is just ‘here’s a bunch of books I bought.’ I do not get it, but whatever.
Well, what she decided to do was go buy a ton of books and then return them. And she kept doing it too. I was shocked when she told me and asked her why she’d do that. She said it was just so she could get the views.
I asked why she didn’t just take videos in the store and she said there was no way to make it “aesthetic” in the store. I told her this was sketchy behavior, and when she said it was from our local bookstore and not the big box one, I said that makes it 10x worse.
She told me I was being a bad, unsupportive sister and that she is trying her hardest to come up with ideas and break into Booktok, that it’s hard because there are already people with 10k followers and she will never get there. I told her that she should spend more time researching and working on her content, maybe she can come up with ideas that aren’t so sketchy.
She’s mad at me and made a video talking about her unsupportive family. It got 200 views so it didn’t exactly work out for her. Was it wrong of me to call her out for how she gets the books and returns them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sure she’s following the bookstore’s policy, but she is abusing the system and hurting that bookstore’s profitability. Even if she returned the books in pristine condition, the bookstore had to pay employees to check her out and then refund her funds and restock the shelves.
She is costing the store funds. Real book lovers also love independent bookstores and want them to succeed. I think the reason she isn’t “taking off” on Booktok is that she’s a fake and everyone can see it. She may like to read, but she’s even more interested in being Tiktok famous.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m an author. Just an FYI for people considering this tactic. DO NOT DO THIS! The retailers get my book for a discount of 55%. That means I earn roughly $2.12/book after printing fees. When a book is returned to the publisher, it is ME that owes the store the returned amount.
I can wind up paying more than I ever earned. It’s kind of complicated, but if you want to know more, you can look up the return information on Ingram Sparks.” Inevitable_Wear681
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I have a very small (under 2k followers) booktok account and it’s unfortunately very true that people love to see book hauls.
People love shopping and love to be encouraged to shop. One of the many reasons I know my account will probably never get over 2k followers of that I am a big library user and rarely buy new books. I don’t have a huge shelf display either.
When I post my library hauls, I rarely get more than 400 views, but it’s not that bad. It’s authentic to who I am as a reader. Tell her to engage more with her followers and community and to remember that booksellers can be a huge help if needed. Don’t burn that bridge!” greenwitchy
18. AITJ For Wanting To Charge My Mum Babysitting Fees?
“I recently turned 18 and want to go out and enjoy myself. My mum had me young (17) and I was an only child for a while then she had my two younger sisters (12 & 13).
Recently she’s been “reliving her youth” that she missed out on because she had me and I’m made to look after my younger sisters, my problem is I’m 18 and I want to start going out with my friends and enjoy my life.
I pay all my bills such as my car, car insurance, phone bill, etc, and the funds I have left mean I can go out.
I’ve addressed this issue many times now to her and every time it’s a big argument resulting in me being “selfish” and “horrible”.
I don’t mind looking after them for her to go to work or on a night out if I’m not doing anything anyway at the end of the day everyone deserves a night out once in a while but recently it’s a lot. I’ve been looking after them.
Such as now my mum’s gone on a solo trip meaning I have to look after them every day, get them up for school, take them to school, go to work, and then look after them at night also.
I’ve saved her a lot of funds on babysitting fees just to be called selfish so I brought up the fact that if you want me to look after them all the time I’m going to start charging you not a lot but it means I have extra funds to do things I want to do or buy things I want to buy.
She didn’t take this well and again I was selfish and she wouldn’t be asking me to watch them again if I’m going to act like that… then the guilt hit me and I’ve continued watching them for nothing and not being able to go out.
So my question is AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom missed out because she had you young. I get that. But, that was the consequence of her actions. The problem is now she’s wanting *you* to also miss out because of the consequences of *her* actions as well.
You don’t owe it to her to lose your youthful experiences to make up for her not having hers.” Anxious-Routine-5526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother is parenting you. She had your siblings. They are her children. Not yours. They are your mother’s responsibility. Not yours.
You are NOT selfish or horrible. Your mother is. Sadly, there is not much you can do, unless you can move out. I mean, your mother can punish you or kick you out if you refuse to be a free full-time nanny. Charging babysitting fees?
You don’t have the power to do that. Your mother can simply refuse. There is nothing you can do about that, as unfair as it is. It’s so sad that you feel guilty. Your mother is the one who should feel guilty.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Cut Contact With Her Ex-Partner?
“We’ve been in a relationship for 23 years and married for 18 years (2 children – 14 and 7).
We’ve had some ups and downs through the years, but the worst was when she had an affair a few years ago. I started walking away when she admitted it, but she begged me not to go. We went through couples therapy for about three years (in which both of us reflected on how our relationship had been before and tried to fix all that).
Therapy made our relationship stronger, but after a few years (in which I had – and still have – to deal with some serious mental health problems), we started getting apart. I must stress here that I acknowledge the heavy burden she had to withstand because, for a long time, I had no condition of being either a decent partner or a lover.
Since a few years ago, I have been feeling much better, recovered a lot (still struggling a little), and resumed sharing our lives and taking care of the kids again.
A few weeks ago, she got in contact with an ex-partner that she had not talked with for 30 years.
They started messaging each other a lot, and I noticed she talked about some very intimate stuff related to our relationship (I oversaw some screens from her Messenger app). I didn’t tell her that I had some idea of their talking, but when I confronted her, she said that she had a history before me, that talking to the guy had nothing to do with us, and that the guy knew different aspects of her and she liked talking about that.
I am thinking about asking her to completely cut off contact with him because that makes me very, very insecure, and I am getting very anxious about that. Would I be a jerk if I asked her that, or asked her to show all of the talks they are having?”
Another User Comments:
“So her ex knows things about her from 30+ years ago… I guess you need to hit up some of your exes to talk to them about your wife being unfaithful to you. And let your wife know you are going to do this.
If she gets upset, you know she is at least emotionally unfaithful.” killjoygrr
Another User Comments:
“She needs to be completely honest about what she’s talking about and then a discussion can follow from there. There is no end to reconciliation. Your trust in her will never be 100% but you both need to be able to manage that.
Your unfaithful partner contacting an ex-lover and keeping their friendship and discussions from you is a major problem and a blow to trust. You are not in the wrong to be concerned and to talk this through. Good luck.” AllInkalicious
16. AITJ For Telling My Colleague Her Youth Doesn't Give Her An Advantage Over Our Married Colleague's Wife?
“So I have this colleague Jada (f26) who is very obviously infatuated (or in crush is maybe a better term since I believe true love comes after knowing a person) anyway, she is in crush with another colleague. This dude is 40 and he is stunningly handsome so I get the crush.
Anyway, he brought his wife to work once and she is as stunning if not even more. She looked around his age too. Then I knew for sure that she was 42 because Jada did some snooping online. She said now she is old. I thought it was a silly comment but ok.
But ever since, she’s been relentless in her attempts to pursue our colleague. It had gotten out of hand and it was getting unbearable since we three work very close together. I confronted her and asked her what she was doing. You saw that he had a wife and he seemed very happy in his marriage.
“That old cow?”
The “cow” is maybe 120lbs. I ignored this comment. I told her she wasn’t old, she was his age. What I said next might be a jerk. I told her that she was crazy if she thought just because she was younger she would automatically have an advantage over the wife since beauty outweighs youth.
She got very upset and accused me of calling her ugly. Not at all I said, just that the wife is very VERY beautiful. Besides all of this isn’t important because he obviously loves his wife and to go ahead and try and if she succeeded, it won’t be because she is young and the wife is an old cow.
It would be because the guy is unfaithful or doesn’t love his wife.
She thought I was the jerk and was livid with me. Insisted that I called her ugly. I told her finely! I haven’t spoken to her and the atmosphere is very awkward now.
Did I say anything wrong? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This girl is pathetic and the 40-year-old colleague probably knows how to handle himself (she’s likely not the first twit to throw herself at him). So it’s too bad you have to be around it, but hopefully, Mr. Good Looks will find a way to shut it down.” Justsaying0000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You hit her with a dose of reality. The 40s are not “old,” and it sounds like his wife is an absolute jewel. Your colleague will be in her 40s before she knows it, too. She’s grasping at something flimsy and superficial because she’s jealous and threatened by his wife.
Good for you for calling her on it.” bantling00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s probably just embarrassed to get called out on her cringe behavior and didn’t appreciate the reality check. I don’t think it would hurt to go to HR and get ahead of this.
That she’s been relentlessly pursuing your colleague which is making you uncomfortable and impacting your ability to work in a small group with them. Depending on what she’s been doing she could very well be harassing him.” Gold-Somewhere1770
15. AITJ For Making My Son Pay For His Dental Implants After A Dangerous Prank?
“My (F42) son (M15) has recently become friends with a new group at school, and his relative level-headedness has disappeared in place of wanting to take part in all kinds of shenanigans.
They have been relatively harmless until this point, but I have asked him on more than one occasion to be smart in his decision-making.
Recently, my son saw a video online where someone put a cob of corn on a drill and tried to eat it while the drill was spinning.
Stupid at best and dangerous at worst. Unfortunately, my son’s friends convinced him to do this and he ripped out two of his front teeth.
Of course, I was worried, so I rushed him to our family dentist who was thankfully able to fit him in.
My son was in a lot of pain, but the dentist was fantastic! Unfortunately, we had to go down the route of dental implants.
After this very expensive exercise, I told my son that I expected him to pay me back. If an accident had happened or he needed dental work as part of his daily life, I would have no problem as this is my obligation as a parent.
However, he chose to do something reckless and stupid and now must face the consequences. What makes it worse is that he knew the risks – the man in the original video ripped his teeth out too!
My son says that this is incredibly unfair, he says that he was acting like any teenager would and I should be prepared for unexpected costs as the parent of a teenager.
He says that I am putting him at a disadvantage because he will either have to get a job or dip into funds from his grandparents. I told him it was high time he got a job anyway to try and learn some sense of responsibility, but he said I was being too harsh.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your son is going to mimic moronic videos he sees on the internet he’s responsible for the outcome. I realize he’s only 15 years old but you have to start learning responsibility at some point in your life.
Your son is learning the hard way actions have consequences and some of them are financial.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I might maybe pay for the stupidity if one of my teens did this depending on their attitude. The painful dental work and the whole experience is a punishments.
But if we had been fighting about their stupidity and they think it’s just teenager stuff, then they can pay for it. I tell them every so often that they can keep doing something I’ve warned them about but I’m not paying for it — “told you not to try to yank that stump with my 4×4 but if the strap breaks you pay for the strap and the damage!
“. That usually makes them stop way before I tell them not to do it. Actions have consequences. Welcome to growing up.” Icy-Pineapple-farmer
14. AITJ For Wanting To Cancel My Daughter's Quinceañera Over Disagreements With My Late Husband's Family?
“Me, an American mother, married my ex right out of high school. We have 2 kids together.
My ex suffered from a terminal illness and passed away. His family, however, has hated me from the beginning and alienated me even when I wanted to be there for him while he was sick. They never made me feel comfortable, welcome, or respected but they have continued to see the children.
With that being said, my daughter’s Quinceañera is coming up and they have completely left me and my family out of the plans of it. I have looked forward to this since I found out we were having a girl. I do not want them to serve drinks since it is a 15-year-old’s party.
I would like to be included in the plans, but they have left me out completely. Her father very clearly stated years ago that her dress should be white.
When this point was brought up, it was completely ignored. I feel like they are treating me as if I have also passed. This is my child and I want her to have her party but I do not want her to have a party that does not include me and disrespects the wishes of her late father.
Am I the jerk if I tell her she can’t have it if the only two things requested from me and her father are not respected? I have already decided that due to not being welcome, I will not be attending as the deep-seated hatred his family has towards me would ruin her day.
I would throw her another Quinceañera party but my American family does not support me in this stating “it’s not our culture”. Am I the jerk for saying she can’t have her Quinceañera because they refused to not serve drinks and her dresses a color her dad did not want?
She can have the party. The only thing I ask is her dress be white at the church, she can have a color at the party, and no drinks. The way I see it is that if they are so stuck on serving drinks, the party isn’t truly for her anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – This is all about you. It’s unfortunate that your husband died but life has moved on and your daughter appears to want different things. If he had been alive then it would be different but he is not. Don’t lose your daughter over this because you are making this about your reality and that does not exist. Also, the fact that you skip weddings or dinners at restaurants that serve drinks is again what makes this more about you.
You keep referencing the hatred his family has towards you but you aren’t accepting societal norms which then makes you a jerk. Let your daughter have this and let go, Mom.” lux_semois
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You go on and on about people following the rules you set for your child.
However, that’s your problem. The only one that you’re concerned about is yourself and what you want. Not once do I see you being considerate of how your daughter feels or what she wants. Because in truth, this day is about her. Not you or what your husband wanted. So stop being so controlling and let her have this moment.” Old_Inevitable8553
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can micromanage her Quince as much as you want but you’re clearly only driving a bigger wedge between your children and their Dad’s side of the family. You also sound so rigid about respect (always a red flag) that I think you are going to be in for a rude awakening when your daughter is old enough to leave your home and have her own relationship with the other side of her family without you controlling everything you can.
It’s incredibly obvious why your in-laws do not include you.” Open-Incident-3601
13. AITJ For Expecting More Contribution From My Mom Living Rent-Free In My Home?
“AITJ for being frustrated with my mom?
I live in Florida with my husband. Back in March 2022, we moved my mom (45) and sisters (16/13) here into our 4bd home with us from Texas. I agreed to help my mom out for a year or two living with us.
Well, my mom has lived here for two years now. She doesn’t exactly pay a flat rate in rent or for other bills. She just sends funds whenever. I calculated the cost and that’s not counting rent it’s just utilities and stuff. So technically she lives rent-free here.
She just works comes home and goes straight to her room. I get it, I don’t work, I’m home all day. But I still pay for the bills. I just wanted help with dishes cause they pile up fast with 4 people.
That was the first problem.
She doesn’t try cooking at least sometimes either. I feel like she lives rent-free and at least tries helping a little more but in her head her being there shouldn’t be a big deal because we’d be paying what we pay regardless and she shouldn’t have to help because she’s never really home and hardly makes a mess.
Anyways, she’s tired of living here because she feels like we are jerks. After all, we feel we contribute more financially and she doesn’t help. So she wants 500 a month from me and 300 from my brother to help her move out and have her place.
I was annoyed because I feel like I’ve already done a lot to support her and she still needs more even though she’s a grown woman capable of taking care of herself. Instead of figuring it out by looking for a better job or a second job, she expects me to help even though it’s been two years and she still doesn’t have things figured out.
Am I the jerk for expecting a little bit more out of her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you can do all the calculating you want, the bottom line is your mother doesn’t feel like she needs to do anything in return. I would pony up the funds for two months and get her out.
As galling as it is, in the long run, it will be much cheaper. Lesson learned, don’t let her back.” Ok_Homework8692
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that you moved her from Texas to Florida is part of the problem. Housing is much less affordable in FL.
That said, ultimately your mother is responsible for herself and her two minor children. OP is not. Expecting you and your brother to supplement her monthly income to the tune of $800/mo. just so she can get her place is not a sustainable solution.” cheekmo_52
12. AITJ For Turning Away My Late Father Who Prioritized Groceries Over Visiting His Grandson?
“My father lives roughly 1:10h away from me. We made arrangements for him and his wife to come visit us today.
He said they would be at our place “a little after noon”, they have to drive their son to work first, who starts at noon and doesn’t have a driver’s license yet, and then they would drive to our place. A little after noon, considering he needs a little more than an hour to get to me, is 1-2 pm in my book.
This is the time that we planned out the entire day around.
He then had the idea to go to a big grocery store that’s close to us and cheap, but which they usually wouldn’t go to because apart from being close to me, they would never drive there otherwise.
I told him to call me when they’re close and if our baby is asleep at that point, go ahead and do the shopping first, but if he’s awake, to please come visit us first and THEN do the shopping.
He doesn’t call, he decides without consulting me to do the shopping first. It’s a giant jerk grocery store and they take their sweet time, announcing their arrival at 4 pm.
I told him to go home because at this point, the baby was asleep and my husband had left to go run errands that we otherwise wouldn’t have had time for if we waited any longer or even entertained them. Theoretically, they could have dropped by, but they would’ve only seen me instead of all of us and it would’ve been a very short visit because they arrived so late.
He was miffed about that as he doesn’t get to see his (first and only) grandson very often, but I told him with a baby and errands/obligations to take care of, I don’t have the liberty to just wait around for visitors. If you say you’ll be here around noon but effectively show up at 4, don’t be mad if I turn you away.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad gave inaccurate times, didn’t call when you asked him to and got mad that you didn’t accommodate his bad decisions at your own expense. Good job holding the line. If he wants to see his first and only grandson more often he should stop choosing to act in a way that prevents it.” Brainjacker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He was disrespectful of your time expecting you to wait around for him to grace you with his presence after changing plans. Visiting you seems like an afterthought once he saw what else he could accomplish. I live an hour away from most things.
I’m used to the concept of “b*******d plans.” It’s not a big deal to have to reschedule when a visit with you is more of a priority.” CapricornCrude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my mother does this every time she comes to visit. She will say she is going to leave at 10 am- it takes about 4 hours to get to us driving at the longest, but it should only take 2 1/2 hours realistically.
Anyway, she won’t end up leaving until hours after she said she would then doesn’t call. So I’ll be waiting around for hours thinking well she should have been here 3 hours ago is she ok? But she just doesn’t care about time and that it affects what our plans are when she arrives 4-5 sometimes 6 hours after she said she would.
I’ve never turned her away because I don’t have a young child, but I would if that were the case especially since she’s shown up at 11 pm before. Your dad just expected you to work around his schedule, which is rude. ” Special_Cloud3326
11. AITJ For Refusing To Sell My Classic Sports Car?
“My wife and I have been together for seven years, married for two, and now we have a toddler together. I’ve always been the breadwinner in the relationship – I pay the mortgage and bills and manage our finances. She works part-time to cover some extras and is our son’s primary caregiver.
Becoming a mother was her #1 life goal, whereas for me it was one of the multiple milestones I wanted to achieve in life, alongside having a fulfilling career, traveling to certain places, and the achievement in question here – owning a nice car.
Just before we began seeing each other, I bought a classic sports car, fulfilling a big life goal of mine – I’ve been obsessed with cars and car culture since I could walk and talk.
However, once we bought a fixer-upper house together and had a baby, I didn’t have the funds, time, or space to tinker with it or drive it anymore, so the car is currently in storage (not costing us anything). We also own a big family car.
Over the last couple of years, my wife has brought up selling the car now and again. She did it again yesterday – only this time, she said that even if I sold that car for a huge profit or we otherwise came into a lot of funds somehow, she wouldn’t expect me to “waste” funds on buying another car for myself.
I got annoyed and told her that as a car enthusiast, owning a classic/sports car was always part of my life plan, long before I met her. I explained that I’d always prioritize keeping a roof over our heads and ensuring we had a good standard of living, but she couldn’t tell me to sell my car, nor say I wasn’t allowed to tinker and drive it (or buy a different one) when funds allowed for it.
It then descended into an argument, and we haven’t spoken to each other since yesterday. AITJ for getting angry about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it seems to me there’s no reason to sell the car. It’s something you’ve always wanted and it’s not an expense or anything so why sell it?
Yes, your wife is upset but she’s being unreasonable, she can’t expect you to sell it because she just wants to neither can she decide whether you can drive it around or not.” NoExplnations
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was your dream for a long time and it would seem you have funds for everything else so I don’t see the reason why should you sell it.
It feels to me like she wasn’t aware why you bought the car or she’s not understanding it, or she’s trying to be controlling. In any case, it is your dream and you are doing well in any area so you are not in the wrong for wanting to keep the car.
Your child won’t be a toddler forever and in time you’ll have more time to tinker and drive the car, maybe with your child in the passenger seat. You’ll be the cool daddy with a cool car who drives his kid to school in a classic sports car.” DivineJerziboss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – why does she not want you to have a car? I don’t get it. It seems like the end goal is to remove the classic and leave you reliant on the one-family car which she needs primarily as she is the primary carer of the kid.
As someone who has one car, I wish we had two again for times my guy needs to travel for work or just wants to go out without taking ‘my’ car (it is technically mine as it’s in my name but we share it, which has the car seat.” CrankyArtichoke
10. AITJ For Supporting My Sister's Decision Not To Name Her Son After Her Husband?
“So my sister (23F) is pregnant with her first child with her husband, my brother-in-law (23M). They recently found out they’re having a boy and everyone including me (21F) is very happy.
However, they’ve had a big fight recently because – my BIL wanted the son to be named after him – I don’t know if they meant just his name or if they’re planning to add a Jr or have it be an inspired nickname, but the point is he wants the boy to be named after him.
My sister blatantly and completely refused to even consider it, and both families have gotten involved – my parents initially thought they should reach a compromise and so did his.
However, they changed opinions when she explained her reasoning – she said that she thinks that after she’s going to carry a boy for nine months and go through all the pain and exhaustion of pregnancy she thinks it’s insulting that he should be honored by naming a child after him when he didn’t do all the work.
She also said she thinks that naming a child after their parents strips them of their identity and makes them seem like property too so she would never do it regardless, so once again the family suggested a compromise maybe a reference to him or a name he liked, etc.
But she just doubled down that she would never consider naming a child she labored for over her husband who “does nothing but gets the snacks” in any respect. Now I agreed with her completely and thought her logic made sense but both parents are very offended by her and say she has no respect for her husband.
Her husband tried to talk to me personally and was furious and told me I was enabling her “cold mentality” when I said I supported her.
So AITJ for supporting my sister’s reasoning for not naming her son after her husband?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here This is between the parents of the yet-to-be-born child, both of whom have terrible attitudes. The rest of you need to back off and tell them they need to start acting like grown-ups and sort out their issues, regardless of whether they are mature enough to do so.” GenxBaby2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Names are a two yes one no situation. Both parents need to agree, and your sister doesn’t agree, so the husband’s name is off the list. End of story. If this was so important to him then he needed to let your sister know about his requirements ahead of time (as in pre-pregnancy, and frankly pre-marriage) so that she could realize he isn’t the type of man she wants to raise a child with.” starbiebarbie99
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your sister is right. Every child deserves their name. Name a child “John Edward Smith, Jr” after his father and he will forever be Johnnie, or JE, or Junior, or (Goddess forbid! Junie. Or some other equally stupid nickname, like Spud or Bubba.
In the family, he’ll forever be less than his father. And by the time his father dies, they’ll be so used to calling him Johnnie/Junior/Spud that nobody can change to John.” TheFilthyDIL
9. AITJ For Yelling At My Friend During A Mock Interview?
“I was helping a friend with mock interviews for a new job after a long period of unemployment.
I mentioned that while her responses to my questions were good, she used a lot of passive language and “we did …” instead of “I did …” about projects that she led to success. I advised her to be more confident in owning up to her success.
She explained to me that she doesn’t feel confident at all, she thinks she did a terrible job at her last job. I got confused and asked her if she had lied to me about projects she did well. She told me she didn’t lie about any of that.
So she’s done some good things at her job, right?
I said “Even if you made some mistakes, that doesn’t mean the projects you led to success are suddenly mistakes, too. Just speak about what you did well on your last job with confidence, you’re allowed to do that and deserve that.”
She said that it makes her feel like she’s lying. I tried to convince her otherwise, but she was very stubborn.
At this point, I had been helping her for 2 hours with this mock interview on Zoom on a weeknight and was tired + frustrated. I yelled, “Are you trying to get a job or are you confessing to a priest?”
She quietly answered “a confession to a priest” and visibly got upset, saying she “just wants to show her real self”. I said that’s not showing your real self, that’s just you shooting yourself in the foot, punishing yourself too much for your mistakes. She then started crying and hung up on me.
I’m feeling guilty, I feel like I pushed her too much and I definitely shouldn’t have yelled. But I’m also frustrated why my good friend, who has a great work ethic and is a very accomplished woman, is downgrading herself like this so much.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Everything was fine until the end. Then it was just aggressive. I understand the concept of the “we” too. It’s perspective. Even if I led something to success, if I had a team behind me – I’d probably regurgitate it that way too.
But, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying hey utilize ‘I’, or at the least state like “with the help of my team” or something where it credits someone else and downplays yourself to a degree. I feel like it’s normal for people to feel like they were bad at their job, even if others feel like they were/are.
It’s cool to help her out, give her soft tips, hype her up – but she’s already anxious/nervous as it is – maybe you need to tone down the blunt love, and give some soft love.” secondarytrash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re taking time out to help a friend get a job.
Giving her good advice constructively, and then some straight talk when she wouldn’t take it. Your intentions were pretty straightforward. She took it badly and you can certainly call her back to say you didn’t mean to upset her. But you’re not wrong.
You seem to believe in her more than she believes in herself. Maybe it’s not the most effective tactic with this person, but it doesn’t make you a jerk.” hammystyle
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not sure what she’s going through, but your job was to coach, not berate.
A behavioral interview (which she will likely get) expects responses in terms of 1. What was the situation? 2. what did you do? 3. what was the outcome? Even if the interviewer hasn’t been trained, a good interviewee can answer like that. And it helps to avoid doubt for all parties.” Cjack66
8. AITJ For Not Cooking Extra Food For My Cousins?
” I live with my grandmother, aunt, and 2 cousins. I wouldn’t say we struggle too much, but we have our ups and downs.
My cousins’ dad has been paying for their food ever since he broke up with their mom (my aunt).
Now here’s where I may sound like the jerk.
I was cooking lunch for myself, and my grandmother, who was sitting in the kitchen had told me to cook extra for my cousins. I said, “No because their dad is already buying them lunch and dinner”. She told me to still cook just in case, I then told her again, “No, it’d be a waste of food because their dad is already buying them food and they won’t be able to finish the food I cooked for them.”
By that point, she got angry and said I was being selfish, but their dad practically buys them food every day and I have to look for something to eat (and sometimes wound up not being able to eat since we run out of groceries).
You could question why don’t they just buy me food in turn, to that my answer is that their dad or mom doesn’t care if I’m fed. As long as my 2 cousins have food they could care less if I had any groceries left.
My grandmother sends me out to get groceries, but by then my cousins will stack it all up for themselves and I’m left with nothing and get scolded if I take something from their rooms.
I said no to my grandmother only because we had just gotten this month’s groceries and tend to run out in the middle of the month and barely make it by for next month. In saying no this food could last ME far longer compared to if I just cooked more for my cousins when their dad has already said he’s buying their food.
Was I justified in saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because OP commented that the grandmother doesn’t allow leftovers to sit in the fridge overnight and throws everything away. However, there is room to improve family communication about whether the cousins will be hungry when they get home or not.” InappropriateAccess
Another User Comments:
“This is slightly off topic of your question. However, have you ever considered getting a cheap mini fridge from the online marketplace or something and keeping it in your room so you can store leftovers? I don’t know how old you are but if you are struggling you have enough food you should reach out for support through pantries or whatever food support is where you live” Ornery-Food-1803
Another User Comments:
“Gently, YTJ. You could have cooked extra, if they had eaten – put them away for leftovers for you, reheat the next day or something. Doesn’t mean food will be thrown.” atealein
7. AITJ For Reporting An Uber Driver Who Refused To Cancel My Ride?
“The other day, I (M 30) called an Uber to pick me up from work to take me to my weekly trivia game. I don’t drive due to a medical condition.
The driver they assigned me refused to pick me up. And he refused to cancel the ride.
“You can do it,” he kept saying over and over. After several back and forths of me telling him “No, you cancel it” if he didn’t want to pick me up, he left me on read. I suspected he wouldn’t cancel it himself because he thought he’d still get some kind of compensation due to the cancellation fee, so I gave him one more chance and told him, “If you don’t cancel it, I’ll be calling Uber right after I do.” Again, he left me on read.
I was already running late at this point, so true to my word, I canceled the ride, got another ride through Lyft, and used Uber’s help feature to explain the situation and report this guy so as not to be charged the cancellation fee. The person they had me texting with said it would be taken care of.
I thought that was the end of it.
–until yesterday, when the guy showed up at the school! (I guess he screenshot the ride or wrote down the address before I canceled, I don’t know.) He confronted me in the parking lot as I was walking to that day’s Uber because Uber deactivated his account, pending an official review.
This dude was IRATE. Another teacher had to come and break it up. He got in his car and drove off.
Because it was so noticeable what happened, today, it got around the school to the staff and even some students the basics of what happened. Some of my co-workers are saying I shouldn’t have reported him, that potentially costing this man his job was not worth the $35 refund.
I don’t think I did anything wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Either they do the job or they cancel it. You did the right thing. Now, report his stalking you to UBER and your local police department… But, this type of stuff is why one doesn’t use so-called ‘ride-sharing’ which is actually ‘unregulated taxi service’… –” theory240
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. You need to get back on the phone with Uber and let them know exactly what happened. This guy could’ve hurt you. He’s unhinged and I wouldn’t want to be getting a ride from someone like that. Please make a report with the police and make sure you contact Uber support again and let them know exactly what this guy did.
If something like that is even possible then a lot of other people wouldn’t be comfortable using this app.” Regulator951
Another User Comments:
“If he’s not doing his job then yes report him. I don’t know how that part of Uber works though.
Can drivers refuse rides if they want? I don’t know. But coming to your place of employment is harassment/stalking. I’d possibly amend my report to include that and also inform the police. NTJ.” singingkiltmygrandma
6. AITJ For Not Attending My Cousin's Wedding Due To Finals And Clinicals?
“My cousin is getting married in a few months across the country (literally on a whole other coast) on a Monday night. I’m currently in a very intense grad school program and I found out a couple of weeks ago that on the same day as the wedding, I have two online finals, as well as clinical the next day.
This month has been crazy with exams and also guess what? Finals, so I haven’t given it serious thought if I could make it work or wanted to tell my cousin yet that I don’t think I can come. We aren’t extremely close but do see each other every few months and were close when we were kids.
I finally decided today I won’t attend the wedding. I want to, and I have so much guilt, but this program is already stressful enough…. trying to see if I could take the finals early or trying to take them in a hotel room gives me SO much anxiety.
Also, there’s going to be a lot of festivities the days before and I wouldn’t be able to participate and would be stuck in a hotel room studying. In addition, I would have to miss my clinical the next day, which also gives me a lot of anxiety using the few sick days I’m allowed so early in a 2 year program and I’ll have only been in clinicals for a few weeks and I feel like that time is so vital to be learning.
Anyways I have a lot of guilt and feel bad but I don’t want to deal with the stress of trying to make it work somehow. I’m going to tell my cousin this weekend once this semester’s finals week is over. Am I the jerk?
Is this a legit reason? I’m just ready for the guilt trip from my mom and aunt and potentially even my cousin and feel caught between making them happy and what is best for me”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You cannot skip your finals. The end.
When your cousin scheduled a Monday wedding, they knew that a lot of people wouldn’t be able to come – particularly not out-of-town guests. Let go of the guilt. You cannot tank your finals. Tell your cousin you’ll be there in spirit.” pineboxwaiting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She is having a wedding across the country on a business day. You’re a student and her wedding is taking place during finals. This is a valid reason to miss the wedding. Inform her as soon as possible, your one mistake is that you have known for weeks and did not tell her.” Miserable_Cow403
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Celebrate Mother's Day With My MIL After Giving Birth?
“My (34 F) husband (41 M) and I are about to have our second child, and I’ve had a horrible pregnancy. It turns out I have a complication where I’ll need to be induced early, about 2 days before Mother’s Day this year.
Because I’ve had such an awful time with this pregnancy, I don’t want visitors at the hospital, or home for the first couple weeks.
The problem is every year Mother’s Day is a huge ordeal. My husband and his mom (69 F) don’t get along, so he rarely wants to go to her house for Mother’s Day (though we always get pressured into it anyway).
I lost my mom as a teenager so Mother’s Day is always hard for me, but when I’ve expressed that to my MIL her response is usually along the lines of “But it’s my day too”. She and I do not have a bad relationship 90% of the time, so when I had my first child she did make an effort to celebrate me too.
I just still don’t enjoy Mother’s Day, and don’t like celebrating it because it reminds me too much of my mom.
The major complication this year is that my husband’s younger brother died late last year, so this will be my MIL’s first Mother’s Day without him here.
My husband and I both hate the idea of her being sad on Mother’s Day, but I genuinely cannot handle being around anyone 2 days after I give birth following a pretty traumatic pregnancy (almost especially because I’ve had to go through this without my mom).
I’m dreading the conversation with MIL because I know it won’t go well. My husband has no issue having the conversation with her, but she often doesn’t respect him or his boundaries, so sometimes things have to come from me for her to take it seriously.
WIBTJ for telling her we are not going to celebrate Mother’s Day at all this year/don’t want visitors at the hospital even though it’ll be a hard year for her?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. You’re going through a major life change and induced labor is no joke.
Tell your husband to deal with this. Be kind but firm. Their bad relationship is not your fault and you shouldn’t have to manage their feelings this way amid a difficult pregnancy.” TheMightyGeese
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get that this may be a hard Mother’s Day for your MIL but you will have just given birth TWO DAYS prior, have another child, and have your grief surrounding the loss of your mom.
The timing is hard but you need to take care of yourself and your new addition first and foremost. The more warning you can give your MIL before your birth the better.” Miserable_Cow403
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I encourage you to set your MIL’s expectations now.
Tell her that due to pending delivery, you all will be celebrating Mother’s Day a week early. Plan a nice but manageable day/ meal where your family can celebrate her. Let her know due to the nature of your delivery, she will be getting a FaceTime first view of the new family member on May 11th or 12th, with an official first visit as soon as you can manage once you are home.
Congratulations on your new baby!” EmploymentOk1421
4. AITJ For Not Sending My Ex A Baby Shower Gift?
“Two years ago I (M32) saw someone (F26).
It started casual at first and we mutually agreed it was just a fling. Over time we bonded and it got serious enough that we became exclusive. We never put a title on it due to lingering doubts on both parties. That being said we loved each other.
A year later her feelings deepened but I still had doubts and decided it was best not to pursue the relationship further. We split. It wasn’t mutual, but it was amicable. We decided to attempt to stay friends.
Note: this is NOT my norm.
Once we’re done, we’re done. But at a young age and since she treated me well, I decided to try. I explained to her how hard that was for me and that we’d have to ease into it.
A month later she began seeing someone else, a month after that he moved in, a month after that they’re engaged!!
I’ll tell you this, I was not ready to cope with all the news.
Nevertheless, I fought my natural jealous instincts and remained platonic with her. I’ll skip the part where I made a move on her a few months later (I’m embarrassed about it).
Even through that, we kept the friendship.
On New Year’s Eve, she calls me and tells me she’s pregnant with his kid. I held it together. I didn’t feel I had the right to comment; couples have kids.
Today … she sends the baby shower registry!
And I can’t. A year ago at this time, we were still together!!
AITJ for not sending her a baby shower gift?
I didn’t even bring up the fact that I got laid off or that I was struggling financially even before the layoff.
I just told her (respectfully) that I don’t think it’s something I can do. Between us here, I can’t bring myself to send a gift to my Ex and her new guy for their baby. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for the gift but for being a salty jealous ex.
You broke up the relationship. She has the right to move on, get married, and have kids in a span of a few months if she wants you. “I held it together” DUDE YOU BROKE UP WITH HER. Edit: spelling” Fluid_Lengthiness_98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not buying a gift. YTJ for dumping her even though you claimed to love her, because you “had doubts” aka so you could go out and make sure that there weren’t any other girls you were more into, and then being jealous she didn’t wait for you.” LadyKnightAngie
Another User Comments:
“So when you were 30 you were having a fling with a 24-year-old and once she developed feelings for you, you broke up with her but said you wanted to remain friends…and when she sends you a link to her baby registry, as she probably did all of her friends, you got upset?
NTJ for not sending her a gift, but it for seeing and being less mature than someone without a fully formed frontal lobe.” Extreme_Mixture_8702
3. AITJ For Going Out For Drinks With My Female Colleague After My Partner Refused To Join?
“I’ve worked in my current job for over 2 years now and throughout that time I have had 10 exams I have had to complete.
I started at the same time as two other people, let’s call them Nicole and Liam. The three of us get on well and have helped each other out and supported each other throughout exams.
As the job is primarily work from home, we haven’t met up in person as much as we would like.
Liam lives in a different town to me and Nicole and our office is in a town none of us live in.
We recently found out we had passed our final exam so Nicole suggested we all go out for drinks to celebrate. I agreed and said it would be good for us to meet up.
Liam apologized but said it wouldn’t be easy for him to get to us but for us to still meet up anyway and he’ll see us in the office another time.
Since it was just going to be me and Nicole we suggested inviting our partners along.
Nicole’s partner messaged me to thank me for the invite but said he was away with work so would not be able to make it but that he hoped we have a good night. I invited my partner and she just refused. She didn’t have a reason, she just said she didn’t want to.
I said fair enough but mentioned I was still planning on going out to celebrate.
My partner said I should not be going out with just Nicole but I pointed out the only reason it is just me and Nicole is because she is refusing to come.
My partner said it was disrespectful but I just repeated that I was still going and that I deserved to go and celebrate my achievements.
She just repeated that I was being disrespectful and unreasonable and that I should be canceling.
AITJ for going for drinks with a colleague?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her a perfect compromise, which she rejected. If she wants to socially isolate, that’s her prerogative, but refusing to compromise and forcing you to socially isolate is absurdly controlling. Hot take: If you can’t trust your partner around their coworkers, of all people, then you shouldn’t be together due to the foundational lack of trust in the relationship.” sav575757
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, on paper there’s nothing wrong here however, in my relationship, I personally wouldn’t do it. I would reschedule and celebrate another time. It’s up to your relationship dynamic, but I always strive to keep myself out of situations that could make my partner uncomfortable.
That may seem extreme to some and I still have guy friends, I just wouldn’t hang out with them on one. It’s up to you and your partner to decide what boundaries are acceptable and if it’s worth making each other uncomfortable in the long run.” village
2. AITJ For Not Changing My Blue Hair For A Theatre Show?
“So I (17) started theatre at the beginning of last autumn. Now to specify this theatre is not a part of school and does not affect any kind of grades (just wanted to make it clear I’m not messing up anyone in the group).
During Autumn I dyed my hair blue and got no response from her so I assumed that it wasn’t a big deal, time went on and my hair lost a lot of its color so I decided it was time to re-dye it. I get to the theatre group that Tuesday and another person makes a joke about it.
This got her attention and she got an annoyed tone and said something about how I couldn’t have dyed hair during the show as it was “unrealistic” I suggested that I wear a wig because I have one at home and she said in a sweet yet still slightly annoyed tone that I don’t have to do that and I said it was fine.
She dropped the subject at that point and when I got home to look for the wig. A few weeks later I found it and I told her the next time I saw her. She yet again gets annoyed and says that I shouldn’t use a wig because it will be noticeable and it will just look like I’m in costume and my hair dye will be washed out when the play arrives anyway.
But it’s not going to be washed out it’s still going to be blue and I already have the wig. She almost gets angry at me and just tells us to get to rehearsing in a very cold way. I don’t think anyone is going to flip out because of blue hair or a wig but it might be easier just to do what she wants.
AITJ for not wanting to change my hair/appearance because of one 90-minute show?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand the comment that wearing a wig will make you look like you are in a costume. Um…. Yeah. That’s what you wear when you do theater.
Costumes. Wigs and clothing you don’t typically wear are all part of theater. Make this make sense.” Aviendha13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You make a point about how this is not a school-related group so since it doesn’t affect grades “it’s not messing up anyone in the group.” This is what makes you more of a jerk.
That kind of group means it’s made up of people taking it more seriously than a school assignment, but you make a point about it not mattering because they aren’t getting “graded.” Why are you even in a theater group if you don’t care about it?” SubarcticFarmer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just because something doesn’t matter to you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t to everyone. This is a group experience also, not just yours, you should join everyone else for a group experience. Do you want to be mature and be in plays for the sake of the craft?
Then actually be mature. Do as your director is asking or don’t be shocked if they tell you to leave after this or make sure you do not have any really important roles to do on stage. Those who want to do this for the sake of the craft and art should be left to do it in peace.
If you want to be more lucky go free, maybe step into production where you could look like the purple people eater and it wouldn’t have an impact on everyone else’s experience in the play.” HyenaStraight8737
1. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Mother's Old-School Child Discipline Method?
“I (30f) had a phone call with my mother (71f) yesterday to catch up. Since she’s much more actively social than I am, talking to her is usually a good way to get updated on the family as a whole.
While talking about my youngest niece Lana (fake name, about 18 months), mom mentioned that Lana had been biting her teachers at daycare.
She then went into detail about the technique to stop biting she had learned in her child psychology class in college: take an all-fabric doll and have the child bite the doll over and over until their jaw starts to hurt and they can’t bite anymore.
When they cry, explain in plain language that this is what will happen every time they bite someone.
I was pretty horrified. I said to her that it seemed like an awful way to make a kid stop biting people. She insisted that it worked and that it had been used in the daycare her college ran (apparently, anyone in child development classes was required to put in hours working there).
I came back at her that while I don’t doubt her observations, she took this class in the early 70s when they barely had ethical standards for psychological research, and this sounded like the kind of thing that would “create the next Ted Bundy.”
She was very upset with me and said I didn’t know what I was talking about.
She said the professor of that class was an expert, while I don’t even have children. I apologized for being snarky and for upsetting her. We switched to other topics, but I could tell she was still angry and felt insulted.
In hindsight, I’m starting to feel bad about my reaction.
Maybe I should have left it alone or not defaulted to sarcasm, but I stand by my belief that it doesn’t sound like a physically or emotionally healthy way to teach Lana (or any child) not to bite. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, mom felt the need to dig in her heels.
It’s okay to disagree. Also, spanking was a fully embraced technique that worked until people started to recognize the negative effects. But I’m wondering about why you’re ruminating about it. You disagreed with your mom. She didn’t like it. End of story.
Are you feeling the need to follow up? If so, why?” Skeedurah
