People Trust That We’ll Be Fair In Judging Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Defending My Brother's Interest In A Boyband Against Our Parents' Teasing And Prejudice?
“My brother Leo (16) is a really quiet kid. He mostly keeps to himself and doesn’t even talk to the family much. While we know what he likes and what he doesn’t in the general sense, we don’t know much about his interests.
We were eating dinner as a family a while ago when he suddenly asked if he could go to a concert. Our parents said sure and asked him for the details (who, where, when, price, etc). He was extremely hesitant and clearly didn’t want to tell but our parents were insistent and he told us it was some boyband.
Everyone was a little taken aback and Dad was like “a boyband? Are you going with a girl?” but Leo said it was just him.
Well, I was visiting yesterday and my brother was in a really bad mood. I asked my other brother what was up and he said Mom and Dad had been teasing him a lot about the boyband thing and he didn’t end up buying a ticket and missed the concert (which was yesterday?).
I felt really sad for him because he seemed to really like this group so I ordered him a lot of merch. It was pretty pricey and it’ll take a while to get here because it’s from abroad but I don’t regret it one bit.
I told my mom about it because I was going to buy her something she asked for but I decided to use that money for my brother instead.
She sort of laughed and then told me I should just go ahead and cancel the orders because he might not be grateful and “he’s a guy, what’s he going to do with all that anyways.” She went on to say some homophobic things about her own son.
She was also being racist towards the boyband which is silly because dad is pretty much the same race as them (my brothers and I are literally mixed???).
I was extremely angry and told her that she’s being very nasty. She tried to act oblivious but I told her that no one’s falling for it and that she’s disappointed me bad.
She got all quiet and said she was just joking and I’m overreacting. I told her to take her jokes somewhere else and hung up on her. She’s been texting me since last night sending me all kinds of apologies as well as “it’s not that serious for you to be acting this way.” Maybe it isn’t, but I’m hurt, so I can’t imagine how Leo feels.
Still, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good work. This was not nice of your parents. The red flags of racism and homophobia that your mother has raised this time are going to have to be something you and your other sibling need to stay alert for, I’m afraid.
It does sound like your mother knew what she was saying was gross. That gives me a bit of hope. It was lovely of you to order Leo merch. See if L will open up to you a little more too – he will probably need a bit of reassurance and support from his older (?) siblings after this.
Don’t wait until the merch arrives. You sound like a wonderful sibling. You should be proud of yourself.” Immediate-Zombie-735
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have a hunch I know the group because I’m planning to see them when they come to a nearby city in a couple of weeks.
If I’m right about the group then they have more shows across the country. It’d be totally cool if you could take him on a little vacation to see them. With the plus that he’d get a break from your parents. I’m a girl, but my own family has said some pretty bad things about the group and myself.
“Teasing” that I’ll only marry a man of that ethnicity and must be disgusted when a white guy asks me out (at least they started getting the country right, they used to say whatever random country that came to mind).” Curlycue1412
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… What is wrong with your parents? Your bro doesn’t have many interests you know about…. And they shoot him down when he shows interest in something? Who cares if it’s a boy band, girl band, martian band, raccoon band, whatever! We all like different things.
Glad you stick up for your bro… I imagine your mum has massively set back his self-confidence.” Swimming_Possible_68
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Nephew Win At Chess?
“Two back points – I’m good at chess but nothing special. I win more than I lose against adults, but you are never going to see me playing on ESPN.
I think my sister is too indulgent with her kids. We have never talked about it to the point of conflict but I’m more of a strict parent than her. She is likely aware of this, but I don’t openly criticize her.
So!
My sister is visiting with her family (my mother lives close by me) and her six-year-old has taken a casual interest in chess. Last night she suggested we play, and we set up the board. I’m helping the kid with minor rule errors, and he is not bad, but I am letting him make his mistakes and taking advantage of them as I would in any other game.
To be clear, I’m not clowning the boy but I’m taking the attitude that this is how you learn.
In the interest of honesty, I did become aware about 5 minutes in that this kid expects to win and thinks he is really good.
It did occur to me that people have been letting him win and I made a conscious choice to not do that. To that point, I am not innocent. I suspected that losing might upset him but took that attitude of “That’s life!”
Fast forward, he is down to about 5-6 pieces, on the ropes and getting upset.
I keep telling him that you don’t get good at a game like this overnight, and you have to learn from your mistakes. He says he needs to use the potty and storms off. At this point, my sister who has been watching the whole time gives me “What are you doing!?” with my Mom backing her up.
Evidently, I was 100% supposed to let the kid win and was supposed to understand this as a moral imperative. I ask “How is he supposed to learn if you let him win? Do you still wipe his butt for him?” (That set her off because it turns out she actually does sometimes.) This quickly devolves into me being a competitive jerk and enjoying beating a child at a game.
I make it clear that I do not believe it does him any favors to allow him to think he is better than he is and that is going to cause him problems down the road. Now I’m a sack-of-junk who is telling her how to raise her kids and if I enjoy emotionally scaring my kids that is fine but studies show…etc, etc, etc…Basically, I’m the literal embodiment of the patriarchy.
The kid comes out of the bathroom and has obviously been crying…not sobbing, but teary-eyed. They expect me to apologize, I refuse. I simply tell him again that you aren’t always going to win in life and you need to learn to deal with it.
They pack up and head back over to my Mom’s house for the night.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Letting someone win doesn’t help them in the long run. It might be understandable a few times when they’re learning the game (i.e. saying stuff like ‘now, if you move this piece here, you’ll have my (insert piece) in check’ and things of that nature), but at some point, that stops and serious gameplay begins.
Your nephew finally found an opponent who would treat them as a serious opponent rather than a cute kid who’s just learning the game.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he’ll get over it. Losing with grace and using your mistakes as learning opportunities is an important part of life, and 6 is old enough to start teaching that lesson.
IMO the one thing you could’ve done differently is offer to go over his moves and discuss strategy for next time, but then again he may have been too emotional for that at the moment. Also, you may have helped him realize that he doesn’t like chess so much as he likes winning.
Nothing inherently wrong with that; pretty much all kids like winning. But it’s an important distinction for his parents to make as he’s getting old enough to start pursuing lessons, clubs, etc.” No_Introduction1721
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I probably would have gone about it differently, eg.
when he made a move, allow it, then show the consequences and allow a rewind-time button so he could rethink that move. I use this quite frequently when I DM for kids playing D&D and they make a ridiculous decision that would get everyone killed. We play it through as they want, and predictably everyone dies, then I ask, “Ok so, you played that through in your head yep?
A vision flashes before your eyes in an instant as you see what might happen because of what you were only thinking of doing? We didn’t move any pieces, didn’t roll any dice right then? Nope nothing just happened (reset the tokens). SO, to go back to reality… you are entering the dungeon, what would you like to do…?”” Own-Kangaroo6931
20. AITJ For Wanting To Voice Concerns About My Friend's Rash Decision Making?
“I (29f) am friends with “Lauren”(33f). She is one of the most loving, welcoming, giving people on the planet and was there for me through the lowest point of my life.
Over the course of our friendship, I’ve noticed some patterns of hers that concern me; but as a friend I just held the belief that she is on her own journey and all will be well.
For example; she would state she wants a financially stable, family man but sees men who live at home and hold minimum wage jobs – only to make that the cause of fights in their relationships. She is very vocal about how badly she wants to settle down and be a mom.
She meets a man and after one date, she would say “I’ve never felt this way about someone”, “we’re so connected”, “I think he’s my person”, and then three weeks later she can’t stand him and it’s all his fault.
These men are often fresh out of long-term relationships, in between jobs, or love to party when she is consciously sober. However, she often gets clouded by how good the man is in bed and how “we were intimate for hours”.
Again, all of this is her body and her choice and if she is okay with her choices, then they don’t affect me so why should I judge?
For the record, part of me is jealous because I have NEVER been intimate for hours and she makes it sound like a bunch of fun haha.
She also lives a very bohemian lifestyle with multiple roommates, performing gigs, lots of concerts and spends a lot of money on her (gorgeous) tattoos.
Now, here’s where I may be being a jerk. Recently, we caught up and she was telling me about Jeremy (34m). She’s met him a total of three times in as many weeks and has decided he is her “person”, saying all the things she has before.
At first I’m thinking “Fine, do your thing girl.” She THEN says that right before she met him, she decided to stop taking birth control, and “the next man I sleep with is going to be the father of my babies”. I asked if Jeremy knew that (after they’d already been intimate), and she said no. She also said that Jeremy is fresh out of a relationship and still in talks with his ex-partner; potentially on the verge of reconciling.
I asked her if it was a good idea to keep sleeping with him with all these unknowns and she said “I hear you, but I’d do anything for him”. In the same conversation, she mentioned wanting to buy a house in the next six months by asking friends to borrow thousands of dollars and immediately followed that up with how she is draining her savings to finish her tattoo sleeve.
Again, most of these choices don’t have an effect on ME and I get that, hence my concern I may be the jerk. But I can’t help but feel for the potential unborn child of some random dude that she barely knows born into a financially unstable environment just because she feels her biological clock ticking.
WIBTJ for voicing my concerns about her lack of forethought and rash decision-making? Am I just being “too traditional” in my thinking?”
Another User Comments:
“I think Jeremy has a right to know what’s in her head at the moment. “She THEN says that right before she met him, she decided to stop taking birth control and “the next man I sleep with is going to be the father of my babies”.
I asked if Jeremy knew that (after they’d already been intimate), and she said no.” I don’t think the ‘irresponsible’ line of thought will do much good, but to secretly make a guy into a dad, right out of a relationship, that’s pretty messed up.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not only not ready to be a mum, but not ready to be a valuable member of society to begin with: Spending her time baby-trapping random men and meanwhile wasting money she borrowed to buy a house on tattoos instead?
Yeah, sounds like a great person!” fondoffonts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However please understand you literally will NOT “win” here. If you voice your concerns she won’t change, you may even lose a friend. If you say nothing, there will likely be a baby in the world with a mother who clearly can’t cope and an absent father who ran for the hills.
She clearly convinces herself that her aspirations are not straight out of a loony bin (I’ll stop birth control have a baby with a guy I’ve known 3 weeks, he’ll commit and marry me despite me basically trapping him, we’ll be together forever and I’ll borrow $$$$$ off all my friends to get a house, which I haven’t even thought about how I might start paying them back whilst affording the mortgage.
But it’s ok because Jeremy will suddenly make 200k a year and everything will be like a fairy tale”). Seriously. She won’t change. I think the only thing you need to do is ask Jeremy about kids, and quietly mention that your friend isn’t on birth control.
It’s not about protecting him or trying to hurt her, but end of the day bringing a baby into the world is the LAST thing that should happen.” Deisidaimonia
19. AITJ For Not Insisting On Paying My Fiancé's Bills After He Declined My Offer?
“I (28F) and my fiancé (34M) have been together for 3 years now, and recently had been down on luck. About 2 months ago I lost my job and got a new one 2 weeks later and now the same is happening for him.
He has been searching and I have been helping with his search but he’s just not getting the jobs in the field he wants to be in.
Now on to the reason for this post. I make enough at my new job to pay my bills and some of his but definitely not all.
About 2 weeks ago I had asked him if he needed me to get cash or just send the bill money to his card. His response was “I don’t want or need you to pay my bills for me. I’ll figure it out. Thank you but no thank you, Love.”
I say okay and move past it and almost forget about it honestly; now I’m coming out of our room and I overhear him on the phone with my soon to be father-in-law saying that he “can’t rely on me” and “yes she asked if I needed money and how I wanted her to give it to me but when I said I didn’t want it she didn’t push it further or give it to me anyway.
It’s the principle of the matter pops, she knows my situation and isn’t helping me.” Now I have no clue what his father said to him but now I can’t help but think that he really believes that I’m in the wrong here for not giving him the money when he told me he didn’t want it.
So am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancé declined your offer for help, only to complain about you not helping behind your back. Does he expect you to beg him to let you help? You’re not obligated to pay his bills.
You’re not required to take care of him. I’m assuming he didn’t help you when you were looking for a new job… He’s being a jerk, and I really hope him talking about you behind your back isn’t a common thing for him.” wanderlustbimbo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your fiance is. You asked if you could help, and he said no, while secretly meaning yes. Now, if you live in a culture where people expect to be offered something several times, even though they decline several times before they finally accept, then that’s different.
You would be the rude person, the jerk. But if you are not living in one of those cultures, then I think you were justified in taking him at his word. I also think you would be justified in being alarmed/offended/angry at what you heard him say to his father.” Catsbirdshorses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I strongly believe that part of being in a relationship is respecting your partner’s choices which would mean taking him at his word when he says he doesn’t need/want your money. The fact that he’s turning around and saying something else to his family is concerning.
How confident are you about what you heard? If you know you heard it right I would confront him directly. Hopefully, it’s a productive conversation but I wouldn’t be shocked if he tries to tell you he never said that.” Shoddy-Cupcake-1145
18. AITJ For Not Babysitting My Siblings Unexpectedly And Threatening To Call CPS On My Parents?
“I am the oldest of my 7 siblings. My parents worked a lot when I was a kid so I always took care of my younger siblings.
Two years ago I got a better paying job that was far from my parents so I told my parents that they couldn’t drop off the kids anymore. Yesterday they called me and told me that they were going to drop off 3 of my siblings.
Now they usually give advanced notice so I thought maybe it was an emergency.
Well, turns out they wanted to go to a destination wedding and needed a babysitter for 4 days. I told them no because a. my place isn’t big enough for 3 extra people to sleep at, b.
I lived far from them now and wouldn’t be able to drive them to school, and c. I didn’t have the time or resources to take care of 3 little kids for 4 days.
They responded with “oh we’ll give you money to buy them food and airmats and they can skip school.” I then told them no again to which they responded “we are at your house already open up.” I wasn’t home at the time and told them that I wouldn’t be home for 20 mins.
They said fine that they can wait and I said that I’m not gonna watch them but we can talk in person when I get there (big mistake).
I arrive home and I see my siblings at my doorstep. Worried that they were just left on my doorstep, I looked around for my parents.
I spot their car and make eye contact with them. As soon as we lock eyes they, I kid you not, drive away. I take the kids inside to figure out what to do as I can’t watch them. I call them like 20 times (no answer obviously) then I call my sisters (18f and 16f) and explain to them what happened. They were shocked and I told them that I was dropping the kids back off and going to get our parents back.
I dropped them off with my sisters and then called my parents from my sister’s phone. My parents picked up the phone and I told them that I was at their house with their kids, I was going to leave them with my sisters and if they don’t come back to watch the kids or arrange for them to have a proper babysitter within 2 hours, I am calling cps on them.
As I left I told my sisters to call me if they need anything, give me updates, and let me know if our parents weren’t back/haven’t figured out babysitting arrangements in the next 2 hours.
Well anyway, 2 hours passed and I got no updates so I texted my sister and asked if she got any response from my parents.
She said no and that they aren’t responding to their texts. After no response, I called my police friend to do a wellness check just to scare them into coming back. It worked and they returned, missing the wedding. Once they got back they started blasting me with messages calling me vindictive.
I blocked them so my mom took my sister’s phone and started texting me as my sister basically saying “you’re a jerk for blocking mom.”
So idk maybe it was a bit harsh to make them come back and then block them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t choose to babysit your siblings. Therefore, it’s child abandonment. Simple as that. A real babysitter is someone who agrees in advance to watch the children, usually for pay. And usually in the kids’ home, not the sitter’s home.” AwayWithDumb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not your responsibility. You surely love your siblings, but your parents needed to not have seven kids if they couldn’t take care of them all. One of the things people must deal with when they have that many kids is the sacrifice that inherently comes with it.
If they had called you and arranged something way ahead of time that was acceptable to you, great. Handling it the way they did was the most egregious jerk move they could have sprung on you. You did amazing at setting boundaries and you need to stick to them.” stove1336
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were right to call CPS. You told them in no uncertain terms that you absolutely could not babysit. Your parents are selfish & entitled. Then they don’t come home when you tell them they’re being left with their teenage sisters?
That IS child abandonment & calling your friend was the right thing to do. You weren’t being vindictive you were being…..responsible. Something your parents don’t know how to be.” NOTTHATKAREN1
17. AITJ For Yelling At My Neighbor For Testing His Lawnmower On My Lawn Without Permission?
“I recently moved to a new house and next to me, there is a house still in the finishing stage.
I woke up tonight with the neighbor trying his lawnmower on my lawn because he doesn’t have one yet.
So he bought his lawnmower and tried it on my lawn without asking my permission.
The lawn is in front of the house and is not bounded by any fence, but it is my property.
I yelled at him because it doesn’t seem normal to me to do this without asking for my consent.
He also left the grass he removed on my alley.
AITJ? My father tells me I am at wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“I mean… I suppose he’s trespassing, and I have to admit it’s weird that he wouldn’t even knock on the door first “hey, this is going to seem odd, but I just got this mower, and I’m excited about it.
I don’t have a lawn yet, so would you mind if I tested it out on your grass? ” So I can see the standpoint of “ok I have this strange man in my yard.” ALSO and INFO: you say “I woke up tonight..” What time was this that he was mowing your yard?
I will personally state I do have a pet peeve of people mowing their lawns after like 7-8ish. Having a stranger show up during sunset and start mowing my lawn seems like we’ve crossed a bit of a line. If he’s out there past, say, 9 pm, I think I would agree with the raised voice “dude what are you doing right now” route.” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing if you’ve got a good enough relationship with your neighbor where it’s okay if they come over and mow your lawn if it needs it. From the sounds of things, none of that is the case. Your lawn also didn’t need to be mowed, very likely.
He should have come to you and said: “Hey, OP, I want to try my lawnmower out for (insert reason). Is it okay if I try it on your lawn?” While I can understand why he might have wanted to try the lawnmower out, he went about it all wrong.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The second I read you woke up tonight I got upset. Your neighbor should’ve asked for your permission IN THE MORNING which is a whole lot better, and most agreeable time if I’m not mistaken, than 10 pm at NIGHT. Not gonna lie I would’ve thrown something at him from my window for waking me up mowing my lawn without my permission.
Tell him next time he buys something he wants to try then he should buy it when he actually is gonna need it and not try out on other people’s property.” Pandarise
16. AITJ For Not Allowing The Housekeeper To Clean After My Jobless Older Brother?
“My older half-brother, 46 (yes, this age is correct) moved in with my mom in 2021 after he got laid off and couldn’t afford his mortgage.
My dad passed away in 2020. My brother hasn’t found a job that was paying what it was in 2020 and refuses to take another job.
My mom cooks, cleans, and does his laundry. She is retired and has a limited income and had to get food stamps because of my brother.
I and my other siblings and half-siblings (2 others) help my mom with food and sometimes utilities while my brother does nothing but complain about his situation.
Mom has an aggressive form of stomach cancer and has always been a neat freak but hasn’t had the energy to clean and garden like she used to.
(She does all the yard work also)
My other sibling and I are pitching in to get her a gardener and housekeeper. The only way I could get everyone to agree on this is that the services would not go to my brother. The housekeeper will not clean his bathroom, or bedroom, or do his laundry.
I told my mom and my brother this and he called us a bunch of dumb jerks. Saying it is not fair to do that to him. He said he is busy searching for a job and taking classes. (He has said this since 2020) so that’s why he can’t help out with chores.
My mom asked us to reconsider the maid but my oldest sister (his full sister) said she will not contribute any money if the housekeeper picks up after our brother.
He called her a jerk over it and let everyone on social media know how terrible his family is to him and how he is so busy he can not do those chores himself.”
Another User Comments:
“Have the brother show proof he has signed up and finished any class at all during the time he has been living there. My paranoid side says to talk to your mother about who is getting the house in her will and make sure she is not leaving it all to that brother, “since he needs the help.”” floridaeng
Another User Comments:
“Blast him back on social media that he’s been leeching off your cancer-diagnosed retired mom for the past 3 years so much that your mom has to get food stamps and that he doesn’t help out AT ALL so that other family members have had to pay for a maid TO HELP YOUR MOM out and now he’s turned into a loser making it all about him.
Go nuclear on him. Go round there a few times a week and have someone take Mom out for whatever reason idk tea & cake at a cafe, pick up all his mess and toss it into his room, and tell him if you find his mess spread around again you’ll toss it in the bin and he needs to step up for his mom for goodness sake.
Do a family intervention on him while someone’s taken Mom for a nice outing. NTJ.” lookthepenguins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the lazy bum can clean after himself. Also, what makes me mad is that if your mom passes away from this cancer, she’s likely to leave her house, belongings, and money to him in her will, citing that all you other kids are well-adjusted and don’t need it like HE does.
Also, he hasn’t worked in 4 years but I bet anything he’ll have some form of job a week after she passes away now that he won’t be able to mooch off her anymore because I’m sure you nor your siblings will take his lazy self in after she passes.
You really need to talk to your mom to see what her end-of-life plans are.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Not Loving My Father Due To His Constant Criticism And Disrespect?
“I (15F) don’t love my father.
While he has good moments, most of my memories of him throughout my childhood are of him overreacting to things we did wrong and him being overly cruel with punishments, such as not letting us have dinner for a messy room or kicking my sister out of the home for having attitude but then taking her phone off her when she tried to leave.
He has an insecurity about his weight and so he constantly calls us children fat and lazy. Aside from this, he says he loves us but is CONSTANTLY putting us down. Like today for example, I’d spent all day studying and so didn’t get a chance to clean my room like I’d planned. When he opened my door (without knocking) to say goodnight, he told me he was disappointed in me for the way my room looks.
That’s normal I think.
But after he said that, he told me he was also disappointed in me for the way I look and then acted as if he was the parent of the year for not yelling at me despite literally telling me he’s disappointed in me for the way I look.
For context, I was wearing plain shorts and a t-shirt with no makeup and cut my hair short a few months ago which he hates.
Anyway, this situation got me thinking. I realized I don’t love him and actually preferred when he was away from home in hospital for two months because he wasn’t there to bully me.
Every time I’ve told people I don’t really like my dad they get mad at me and say “he’s still your father” and because of this, I thought I had to love him.
He has some childhood trauma that makes him think he is the best parent ever because he is better than his own parents.
But he also has an ego and takes credit for everything I accomplish despite him having no part in it. I know it is his first time on earth too but I just can’t get over the way he puts me down and ignores any boundaries I set.
Nobody would tell me to love my school bullies because they are mean. Nobody would tell me to love somebody who tells me I don’t belong somewhere. Nobody would tell me to love somebody who doesn’t like that I am not a girly girl (I might not even be a girl but that’s a separate thing).
Nobody would tell me to love somebody who guilt trips me or who doesn’t respect boundaries like personal space or not wanting to be on their social media. Nobody would tell me to love somebody who takes credit for my accomplishments. My logic is that he does all those things so why should I love him?
Everybody I say anything similar to this tells me I am too harsh and that he is my father and no parent is perfect. I’m starting to think they are right and that I am cruel for wanting to cut contact in two years when I turn 18.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Just because it’s not physical doesn’t mean that emotional or verbal abuse isn’t abuse. NTJ. I’m just an outsider, so I’ll try to give the best advice I can. Is it your father’s first time living too?
Yes. But it’s also your first time here – so don’t keep sacrificing your life accommodating for him. In a sense, it’s everyone’s first time living and we don’t bend over backwards for other people right? Your dad has his good moments? Yes, and that’s what makes things hard.
You think of those good moments and think that he’s not so bad, and then he goes and does something to cross you. And it’s the guilt from those good moments that makes you keep second-guessing if he’s such a terrible dad, isn’t it? In combination with societal pressure, that is.
Do other people have it worse? Yes, probably. But if we kept applying this same mindset to everyone in miserable situations, then is only one person allowed to be miserable at a time? Someone else’s trauma doesn’t negate yours. If you’re still conflicted, then I recommend talking it out with a therapist. Best of luck to you, OP.” PretendingToBeSma-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Not even one little bit. He hasn’t given you a reason to love him or want anything to do with him. I’m surprised a dude old enough to have a nearly grown daughter still hasn’t realized that his actions have consequences.
I cut off all contact with my own father when I was 20 and it was the best decision I ever made. Never once regretted it – why, what would I even miss? Being insulted? I promise you, you won’t miss that either. If it doesn’t spark joy, throw it out.
Just as true for people as for clutter.” RafflesiaArnoldii
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m in my 40s. My father was also a jerk. My memories of him as a child were of him drinking because he had a drinking problem. He didn’t get sober until I was around 11 or 12 or so and thought “Finally, he’s stopped drinking so I can have a proper caring, loving father”.
Nope, he was just a sober jerk. He still constantly criticized and belittled me, dismissed all my accomplishments and highlighted all my failures, and made homophobic comments because I wasn’t the sort of “manly man” he thought I should be (I’m not gay nor trans, I just don’t like sports and enjoy cooking), blamed me for things I didn’t do because he decided I did and refused to be convinced by any evidence to the contrary, and basically just made my life miserable.
So no. You shouldn’t feel the need to feel any emotions about someone just because they’re a b***d relative. Life will be easier on you if you keep up some appearances – it’ll keep you from having to explain why you don’t have them on your social media or why you didn’t go to their birthday party or whatever by going over all the reasons why you don’t like them – but no, you’re not required to feel anything you don’t feel for someone who spent your entire life being a jerk.” Abstruse
14. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Ex's Tattoo Cover Up?
“My ex-partner got an intricate tattoo on his right forearm. It is my name in Gallifreyan (Doctor Who language) with a Lord of the Rings quote around it in Sindarin, and lastly a Haida-style orca in the center.
My name, my favorite books, my favorite show, and my favorite animal. I did not ask him to get the tattoo, in fact, I told him not to get my name on him anywhere. He made his own choice.
We broke up about two months after he got it.
I got a better job in a different city.
It’s been about six months and I guess his current partner took a picture of the tattoo and took the time to interpret it. She hates it and because he is a pushover he wants to cover it up.
He messaged me and said I should pay for half of the cover-up tattoo. I laughed and called him dumb. I said that he chose to get the tattoo all on his own and that I didn’t owe him anything. I blocked him.
We have mutual friends and a couple think I should help him out since my new job pays well.”
Another User Comments:
“Let’s see if those friends are willing to put their money where their mouths are, and chip in for the tattoo coverup/removal! Or perhaps the new partner might want to contribute? It sounds like you had a lucky (or well-planned) escape from that particular man…don’t look back (not even for a last glimpse of that tattoo!), and certainly don’t send him money.
NTJ (and I’m still baffled about how this could possibly be your responsibility!)” tinyd71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t your fault. It was his own decision to get that tattoo. Besides that, in my opinion, it’s a stupid idea to get a tattoo maybe with their significant other’s name or other things related to their significant other, because you’ll never know… Some day it all can be over and then there’s still the tattoo.” Aggrofant
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ – Rule #1 for tattoos is only get names that are permanent people in your life, like children, parents, and pets. These people will always be part of your life in some way or another forever. Your ex is 100% responsible for paying for it and anyone who thinks he shouldn’t pay for it all needs to put their money where their mouth is.
I have a friend who did the same thing, not once but twice. We laughed at his stupidity when he did it the second time because he didn’t learn after the first time. Even the tattoo artist tried to talk him out of it the second time.” Seanyd78
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Wife Drive My New Car After She Damaged It?
“So we bought a brand new car 2 weeks ago. 6 days after buying the car, and only 300 miles in, my wife and her sister were having a girl’s day. They made it 4 blocks when my wife ran over a large chunk of concrete blowing out the tire and rim.
It cost me $1000 to fix and about a week without a car. I got the car back last night, and she asked if she could use it to get the groceries, and she was upset when I told her no.
Please note that we have a second car that she drives on a regular basis.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Husband and I are going car shopping tomorrow for him. I am banned from driving it for a while due to the fact it will be: 1. His primary vehicle 2. He’s getting an SUV/Crossover and I struggle with vehicles larger than my tiny Ford Focus.
I, however, am very excited to be his passenger. It’ll also be nice to have on longer trips. Plus it’ll be our first vehicle newer than a 2010, and we are both so excited for the new bells and whistles vehicles come with since then.” tabby51260
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She had her chance to show that she can be a responsible driver with this vehicle and blew it. Literally. No more chances. She has her own vehicle anyway, she doesn’t need to drive the new car. She just wants to because it’s newer/nicer than hers.
It could also be a way for her to show that she always gets the new car – even when someone else buys it, she gets to drive the new car whenever she wants.” Ich_bin_keine_Banane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you are in the wrong for giving the wife a little timeout from driving the car.
Especially after she damaged it. Now I don’t know what the financial situation is and if you share bank accounts, one is head of household, etc. From what it sounds like, you are the breadwinner of the household and I’m going on that assumption. I am also assuming that the car she drives on a regular basis was the “new” car the last time of which she was the primary driver before and you had the hand me down.” UltimatelyCoolDude
12. AITJ For Refusing To Move From A Comfy Chair In A Coffee Shop When A Group Asked?
“I (23f) recently moved to a new place and am getting to know my neighborhood. A week ago I found a small coffee shop with great cake. So yesterday I went for a coffee. I freelance so I set my own hours.
The coffee shop is relatively small, with under 10 tables available.
I sat at the most comfortable-looking chair in the shop, one of four chairs at the biggest table. I was a little into my drink and cake when a group of 4 middle-aged people asked me if I could move so they could sit together there.
All 4 were on the larger size and I could understand how they would be uncomfortable on other seats in the shop. The one I was sitting in had high back, armrests and was plush with soft leather. I, however, would also like to sit comfortably.
I told them they were free to take the other three chairs and pull an extra one to the table.
They told me they had something to discuss among themselves and would appreciate it if I move. Again, I told them I like the chair and I was there first so I wouldn’t move.
They grumbled about selfish youngsters, gave me the stink eye, and asked the shop to make their orders to go.
When I told my family about this, my mom told me it was selfish of me to take a table for 4 when I was there by myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Some people will probably tell you, that it is your right to sit wherever you like and to keep sitting there. But taking the biggest table at a small shop when you are alone is a selfish move. This is about morality and in my opinion, it is morally wrong to take the biggest table alone.
It is bad for the shop and inconsiderate for the other customers. Again, legally you can do it. Free seating, nothing is reserved.” CakeEatingRabbit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I also can’t stand people like you that go and nest in a small shop with their laptop and sit there for hours.
Get a desk, a small coffee shop is not your workspace to hog a place for hours…and you are doing that on the biggest table in a small coffee shop, the entitlement is unbelievable.” TheDIYEd
Another User Comments:
“Firstly commenting on the size of someone’s body does make you a jerk.
Secondly, it sounds like it’s a small business and you feeling entitled to take up the biggest table in the place preventing other customers from using it makes you a jerk to the small business trying to survive during hard times preventing them from hosting more customers.
Lastly, if the chair was so important could you not have asked the owner if you could move one of the comfortable chairs to a smaller table? That way you can sit comfortably at a reasonable-sized table allowing other customers to also use the coffee shop?
Not to sound harsh but all in all, you sound like an entitled jerk who thinks that the world should evolve around your comfort and schedule but you are in good company as there are many like you in the world.” No-Sandwich1511
11. AITJ For Not Lending My Jacket To My Cold Wife During Breakfast?
“Yesterday my wife (‘Tara’) and I went out for breakfast for our anniversary, and we ended up at a café in a beachside suburb. It was crowded inside so we took a table outside. It’s autumn here and it was fairly cold outside, with no heaters.
Tara was wearing a T-shirt and cardigan; I was wearing a T-shirt, a windbreaker, and a big comfy and warm jacket. Tara had a coat but left it in the car, about a 4-minute walk away. She told me she was feeling cold, to which I replied that I’d be happy to walk back to the car to get her coat.
She said that if I was a good husband I would lend her my jacket – I laughed, said something like “yeah that’s not happening” and again offered to retrieve her jacket from the car. Tara declined and we had our breakfast. I was pretty comfy in my jacket.
I thought it was all done with but Tara made a point of mentioning it again this morning. She has since pointed out that if we were in a relationship and not married I would have lent her my jacket… admittedly that’s probably true. So I humbly place myself before you for judgment – am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife was getting off on the idea of you being chivalrous by sacrificing your comfort for her sake. The thing is, she was going out of her way to create this situation rather than accepting your obvious solution of going to get her jacket.
Your sacrifice of time wasn’t enough; she wanted you to be cold while she was warm. That’s too much and it’s just game-playing — her wanting to feel warm and fuzzy over how much you love her, while being oblivious to the fact that her being fine with you being cold doesn’t speak well of how much she cares about your comfort and well-being.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ is your wife unable to behave like an adult in other ways? Everyone, and I do mean everyone behaves differently while courting. While I can read that some people here think it’s problematic that you aren’t as gallant now than back in your courting days, I find it much more unfortunate, that your wife would be fine with you being cold, so long as she got the gallant action – and that she declined your solution, which would have kept you both warm.
That’s just not nice. You never should set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. And in this case, you shouldn’t be freezing because she refuses your offer to bring her coat – that she left behind, back to her. I think your kind offer to retrieve it from the car for her, was gallant enough tbh.” Silmariel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Certainly, her asking to borrow your jacket is fine, but when you said, no seemingly because it was cold and you wanted your jacket, you offered to get hers. That’s a big offer. She forgot her jacket and offered to get it for her.
Her only acceptable solution was you give up your coat because she forgot hers AND you don’t leave her alone. She is probably right that you’d have done it if you were only in a relationship, but that doesn’t justify her imposing a hardship on you because she forgot the jacket.
If you had the coat hanging on the back of your chair, then that’s different, but not the facts here. Not saying she’s a raging jerk, but rather a soft one.” catskilkid
10. AITJ For Insisting On Having My Own Room During A Vacation With Friends?
“I (F) am going on vacation with five of my friends. We want to rent a whole house together. Four of them are in a relationship, so they will have two rooms as a couple. So there is me and the male friend left. Of course it would be way cheaper if we slept in a room together and would not have to rent a 4-bedroom house.
I’ve shared a bed with him before during a short vacation and he’s a good friend, but this time I insisted on having my own room. I’m going to spend 1600$ on a 2-week long vacation.
I’m honestly sick of always having to share a bed with someone I’m not in a relationship with or sleep on the couch during vacation, just because I don’t have a partner.
I know he doesn’t have any intentions to make a move on me, I just want to have some space for myself to relax and not have to worry about another person in my room (changing clothes, different sleeping schedules…) during my vacation. I even offered to pay extra for having a room to myself.
The problem is, he can’t afford to pay extra. AITJ for still insisting on having my own bedroom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s nothing wrong with wanting privacy on your vacation. Tbh I’m not really comfortable sleeping in the same room with someone else, let alone the same bed. Even when it’s a friend.
If he can’t afford to pay extra, maybe he’d be ok sleeping on a couch or a mattress in the living room? Or maybe he shouldn’t go on the vacation at all.” _guesswhomd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing for a night or two but I wouldn’t want to share a bed with a male or female friend for 2 weeks. That’s not much of a holiday.
Perhaps he can sleep in the living room on a pull-out if that’s all he can afford and you can pay a bit extra for the private room.” Longjumping-Lab-1916
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Maybe a bit controversial but I don’t think either of you is wrong.
It’s perfectly fair you want to have your own room but as a single person, I know how much a single room bumps up the costs, so I cannot blame him for wanting to do something that you’ve always done before. Is a twin room a possibility?
Sharing the room but not the bed might make it more comfortable for you and bring the cost down. The sleep schedules become a little bit less of a problem than when you are actually sharing a bed.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Moving Out Without Discussing It With My Boundary-Crossing Roommate?
“I moved in with a friend (22F) from college. I’ll call her Violet for this. Violet and I met during my freshman year of college because we both worked at our on-campus coffee shop. She has never really done anything I would consider “weird.” It was very clear from the beginning that we just grew up differently.
I started seeing my partner in my sophomore year of college. When I brought him around, Violet never did anything weird other than tease us about seeing each other. It was childish, yes, but it never bothered me or my partner. But when we graduated, we decided to get an apartment together.
I, of course, had my partner over a lot. Sometimes when we would be in my room with the door closed, she would randomly barge in and sit on the bed and start talking to me, like my partner and I weren’t cuddled up sleeping.
My partner and I both ignored it the first few times it happened. I eventually expressed my discomfort with this and said that she was welcome to come in if the door was open but to knock if the door was closed. Her response was always, “It’s not like you guys were doing anything.”
The final straw was when my door was literally closed and I had two friends and my partner over, and Violet barged in on us. We were just sitting there talking, but it still made me uncomfortable. She sat on the bed (which all four of us were already sitting on) and tried to include herself in the conversation.
This would have been fine if the door were open. I later talked to her, and she made comments about my two friends. These two friends are male, yes. She went on a rant about how she was uncomfortable with me having “all these men” in my room alone.
The two guys I had over are seeing each other and are openly gay. I told her this, and she said, “Well, they don’t look it, and your partner always looks at me weird.” I want to make it clear that my partner does not like her, and he has tolerated her throughout our relationship.
I decided I was going to move out that night.
A month ago, I started slowly moving my stuff into my partner’s house. I finally have everything moved into his house, but she is only now noticing that all of my stuff is gone. It seems like she doesn’t want to barge into my room now that I stopped having people over.
She started crying, and I told her that we can still be friends, but she’s not respecting my boundaries at all, so I think it’s best if I leave. When she found out that I was moving in with my partner, she went on a tangent about how “dangerous” he is and how she has “known me longer” (she has not; my partner and I went to high school together).
But I talked with other people about it, and they think I’m a jerk for it because I didn’t talk with her about moving out and didn’t do anything when she was crying. Am I the jerk???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe consideration to people who don’t respect your boundaries.
It sounds like maybe your friend has some attachment or abandonment issues, that she perhaps should work on either through introspection, therapy, or both. I don’t feel like you’re the jerk for not telling her, it sounds like she cannot handle rejection, which again isn’t your issue.” Ehrlichs-Reagent
Another User Comments:
“Just building on what other people have said. There are so many possible explanations for her behavior. She could be socially awkward and not know how to involve herself in friendship in a typical way, and might just have different boundaries and not understand what is normal for other people.
She could be lonely or jealous that you have a relationship like this and you don’t. It doesn’t make her refusing to ignore your requests OK, but if you do want to be friends still it might be worth asking about because it’ll be a major barrier otherwise.
As for the moving out, you’re NTJ for leaving but the way you did it wasn’t ok. I was in a similar situation to her. My mental health took a steep decline and I was behaving awfully. I have no resentment toward my former friend for moving out, it was the right move, but having it dumped on me when I was really sick with no warning was unnecessarily traumatizing.” Larkus_Says
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think it would have been better if you had talked with her to let her know that if she didn’t stop, you’d move out. My guess is that she was raised in a very conservative/religious household and has problems with an adult, but unmarried, woman having guys in her bedroom with the door closed. She may think she was being a good person by “chaperoning” to make sure things don’t get out of hand and is upset because you don’t see it that way.
She might even think she’s failed you because now you’re at your SO’s place so she can’t keep trying to save you from sin.” MythologicalRiddle
8. AITJ For Keeping My Son Away From His Uninvolved Father?
“For context, my son is almost two and has met his father less than 5 times (due to issues on both sides.
I didn’t trust him and canceled and he would be busy frequently or wouldn’t ask to see him). I don’t want to use identifiers in this so I will refer to my son as Tom and his father as BD.
BD doesn’t call about Tom, doesn’t video chat him, knows almost nothing about his son other than his name and birthday, and never really asks about Tom.
About 6 months ago he blocked me and I didn’t try reaching out. In that time I moved about halfway across the country and didn’t even bother to tell him. Well about a week ago he called claiming that I was keeping his son from him and wanting to know how he was.
I was shocked to say the least and said he was fine. The conversation lasted all of 1 minute and he did not ask to speak to Tom or know anything other than “how he was”.
About 3 days after that I reached out to let BD know that if he wanted anything to do with his son then he could start small and call him to talk.
Eventually he “video chatted” to talk to Tom. He kept his camera off the whole time and said nothing to Tom. Now BD is demanding I give him custody and bring him down this weekend. He’s claiming that I am denying him his rights, threatening to sue, and overall attacking my character.
Due to some issues in our past, I have no desire to let him know I moved or let him around Tom but I feel guilty because this is my son’s father. I want my son to have a father but I fear that his biological one might not be the best. As of right now, I think keeping him out of Tom’s life is the best, does that make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can try and sue, but I work in family court. Judges have fun with parents like this. Keep track of every call. Every message. He most likely won’t sue. He would have done it by now. I’d let him know if he wants to see Tom, he can take you to court.
Depending on state laws, he will have to come to your state and sue. It will cost him a ton of money. He can try suing in his state, but again he’s going to be paying a lot. He is just using this as a way to have some control over you.
Besides, doing it the legal way protects you both. But let him do it. I’d bet he gives up when he realizes it’s going to cost thousands.” GoreGoddezz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, BD sounds toxic and uninvolved. Not sure what state you’re in, but in mine that’s considered abandonment if there’s no contact from the other parent for 3 months.
He’d also have to sue you for custody. You should consult Council ASAP though, most will do a free consultation. See what the laws are in your state and any possible threats or options. I’ve also been in your situation, he’ll lose interest soon and disappear again, most likely.” teacat888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ get a lawyer and tell BD any further contact needs to be through your attorney. He wants to sue for custody, fine. I don’t think he has a leg to stand on after he abandoned his son. But there is no reason for you to talk to him directly if all he is going to do is insult you and make irrational demands.
Definitely do not leave your son with him. My nephew’s father picked him up for visitation and then filed for custody. He did not have to send my nephew home until after the court date. My sister got supervised weekend visits with my nephew until it was resolved (my sister won primary custody, he got visitation but then completely bailed on my nephew.
My nephew is 22 now and he hasn’t spoken to his dad since he was 14 when his dad formally disowned him. He hasn’t seen him in person since he was about 10). In my state, wherever the child is at when custody is filed is where they will stay until a formal agreement is reached.” WifeofBath1984
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend A Family Event Because Of My Rude Brother-In-Law?
“I (22f) until a few months ago lived with my sister (28f) and her husband (31m).
In January I had an errand to run after work that would take less than 10 minutes (driving time included). As I was getting in my car my sister stopped me and said BIL had to go to the same place so we should just go together.
I really insisted that I’ll just go alone and I didn’t want to ride with him but after a lot of convincing eventually caved. BIL said he was putting pants on and we would leave in a minute. I had worked a 10-hour shift starting at 4 am that day so I was really tired and just wanted to get this done and go to sleep.
So after waiting half an hour and him still not being ready I just left by myself and went to bed. I wasn’t mad about it, just tired, so I just forgot about the whole incident.
After that, I started to notice BIL blatantly ignoring me or making mean comments about me.
So after about a month, I asked him if I had done something and was willing to apologize cause I didn’t want to have conflict. He said no but he continued to ignore me and be rude.
In March I was really struggling financially and my sister told me she was gonna let me not pay rent that month cause she knew I was broke but that BIL said not to help me cause he was angry at me and wanted to make sure I “struggled in life” and I didn’t deserve help from them.
She said he was still mad about what happened in January and is angry that I never apologized. I asked why he didn’t say anything when I asked him and he said he shouldn’t have to tell me how I disrespected him, I should just remember.
So I just apologized to him for not remembering and I didn’t mean to disrespect him. He still ignores me and makes rude comments so I am protecting my peace and making sure to stay low contact with BIL.
I’ve got my own apartment now so I don’t have to live with him anymore.
A few days ago my sister invited me to go do an escape room with her and some family this Friday and I immediately said yes. After I found out BIL is coming too I told her that since he is going I’d rather stay home and that we should go another time without him as a girls’ night.
Sister said she thought I was joking in March when I said I didn’t want to speak to BIL again. Now my sister and mom are saying I’m a jerk and I should just get over it and that I’m having a dramatic reaction to an insignificant comment.
Should I get over it and still go or stick to my gut and stay home? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get over it? But, it’s still happening! He never stopped being horrible. You can’t be expected to get over something that’s still an issue.
Also: “wanted to make sure I “struggled in life.”” This isn’t an ‘insignificant comment’, it sounds like a threat. I don’t know why your family is treating you like that, but if they aren’t going to stick up for you, it’s down to you to stick up for yourself.” stophittingthyself
Another User Comments:
“LOL of course you’re NTJ. BIL and sister started it in the first place with the errand when they treated you badly, and BIL has had a severe and undeserved victim mentality ever since. In fact, his behavior here and stance towards you is so extreme, given the very minor initial provocation (which HE started), he seems like someone who is probably pretty toxic and dangerous… he seems punitive, manipulative, controlling, and all the things that make someone a jerk husband, partner, acquaintance.
HE has made it clear he will treat you badly indefinitely at this point. Your sister should be turning to him if she’s unhappy with the fallout of this conflict. Tell her and your mother that you don’t feel a desire to spend time socially with someone who acts angry at you, months after an apology, for a situation in which you did nothing wrong.
Point out that ONLY YOU have taken any steps to resolve the conflict, and that you aren’t going to be some jerk’s whipping post. Firmly hold your ground. They may eventually come to feel angry at him for the distance, hopefully. BTW, are women generally dismissed and minimized in your family?
The fact that your sister and mother would gang up on you when he is so clearly the jerk is troubling. Proceed with caution.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ, and just stand your ground. Assuming your story is factual and you aren’t making it sound better for you than it was, he is being ridiculously petty over an extremely minor slight, if you can even call it that when he is the one that had made you wait just to go to the store quickly.
Quite honestly, I’m worried a bit for OP’s sister. Guys like that are the type who end up abusing their spouses with little-to-no provocation.” Rattimus
6. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Wife Compares My Salary To Others'?
“I went to a very selective business school (and dang expensive) and work in a selective industry. Bonuses were bad (in my industry bonuses are a big portion of comp) and I’m at a place that pays lower than the industry average.
Those factors combined mean my year really sucked. School was expensive and I work a lot.
For the last week, my wife has taken every opportunity to compare my salary to everyone else – friends, neighbors, parents, kids.
No question my salary is ludicrous given the situation, but it’s very hurtful to be reminded of it so often. So when she does, I’ve gotten snippy.
Sure, I’m being sensitive. And I get she’s not being malicious. But it upsets me.
AITJ for getting upset when she does this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That sounds very undermining and mean of your wife. What’s bothering her? Does she understand your circumstances and the potential for growth?
And what is she contributing to your mutual finances? Do you really want to be with someone so materialistic?” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“Why don’t I be your friend and you can say one guy makes less than you. Seriousness aside, that’s a red flag.
You should invest less in her but also at the same time perhaps look for another job that may pay you more with experience. You know her best and can tell if it’s in a way where she wants you to improve versus having animosity.
I was seeing a girl who surrounded herself with guys that make a lot more money, even more than my potential cap unless I get no days off. But I believe she was armed with trying to bring me down in the first place before even meeting me so I just stepped back.” Unbiased_Membrane
Another User Comments:
“INFO: what is the context? Is your wife bringing up your pay while discussing spending or planned spending or retirement goals? Was this low bonus a surprise to her (and/or you) and she was expecting you to make more this year?
Is she talking about you leaving your current role and trying to get a more lucrative position that is closer to the industry average? Or is she bringing it up to make you feel inadequate? I also would be interested in knowing how you financed your dang expensive business school, and if you did so with the joint expectation that your salary would be higher as a result.” Unable_Pumpkin987
5. AITJ For Refusing To Get Any More Pets After My Family Keeps Ignoring Them?
“So my wife and kids have a history of this. One of them will want a pet, the others all say “omg yes, great idea!!” I give in to the idea to make them happy, pet gets attention for a week or two and then is ignored. Which means the responsibility is put on me to take care of them.
Don’t get me wrong, the wife would feed it, but that’s pretty much where it ends. It’s not a fair life for them and I didn’t particularly want it in the first place, because I knew how it would end. Because of this, we’ve had to give pets up to new homes.
We have two well-looked-after (by me) dogs, and I think that’s how it should stay. We have a full house as it is with four kids.
However, the new idea is that we should get a rabbit. We already had a rabbit and it went as above.
“This time will be different.” Nope, I’ve heard it all before!! I said I absolutely refuse to have any more pets in the home. There’s been mumbles about me being controlling and unfair from wife and kids. Tears from the teenage daughters. I say I don’t care and it’s not happening.
I even suggest they all move out and start their own pet shop. I know that was a bit mean and petty and did say sorry for that one. But really their comments start getting to me and I wonder if I’m really being the jerk??
Hate to be called controlling.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Last time we got a rabbit, you lost interest after a week and I had to take care of it. If you want me to believe that ‘this time will be different’, you’re going to have to prove it to me.
For the next two months, you are responsible for taking care of the dogs. They need to be fed, watered, and walked twice a day. You four can work out amongst yourselves who will take which chores. If there’s a time when you are all busy at the same time, I will take care of them, but ONLY if you ask me in advance.” “If at any time in the next two months I notice that the dogs aren’t being properly cared for and I have to step in, then there will be no more talk of new pets for at least a year.
If you can take care of the dogs for 2 months, then I’ll take you to the shelter to adopt a rabbit.”” zimboptoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No. Nope. Not happening. Don’t budge on this. The average lifespan of a house rabbit is anywhere from 5-12 years (based solely on search results).
How long ago did y’all have a rabbit that you had to give away? Was it fewer than, say, six years ago? If so, this might be a jerk thing to say to them, but you could point out that they would likely have a rabbit this very moment if they had taken care of their first rabbit.
I get six years is a significant amount of time for the kids to grow up and learn responsibility. But the other catch is that they’ll be graduating high school and leaving for college in the blink of an eye. Is one of them going to take the rabbit to college with them?” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pets are a LIFETIME commitment. If you have a history of getting rid of pets, your family does NOT get more pets. PERIOD. It is incredibly traumatic for animals to rehome them, and it also sets a rotten example for your children every time this happens.
Oh, you have this tremendous responsibility to a living being….until you’re bored with it. Guess what Parent, you have a responsibility to NOT let these kids play with more animals. Thank you for putting your foot down.” tictactoss
4. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Watch My Baby After She Overstepped Boundaries?
“I (F23) and my husband (M24) welcomed our baby (M) in September of last year.
We moved from his hometown to mine (in January) in hopes of saving up to buy a house. We moved in with my mom (50); something she very enthusiastically agreed to.
Throughout our few months, she’s been a little weird. She’s constantly checking to see if he has teeth, pushing for us to stop feeding him milk, tries to give him really complicated food (like candy yams).
Her defense is: (I did with you and you survived).
Most recently, she was holding him and playfully asked him if he wanted water, in which I responded: ‘Do not give him water Mom.” She proceeds to give it to him and goes: “See, he’s fine.
He isn’t dead.”
I immediately took my child from her and informed her that she will no longer be watching the baby alone since she is constantly overstepping my boundaries and doing everything I ask her to not do.
She isn’t talking to me now and told me I made her feel like a bad parent and grandparent.
AITJ? Is there something I should be doing to make her talk to me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: although, 6/7 months, it’s safe to give a baby water. You mentioned milk, not formula. If it’s cow’s milk, before a year is a huge no-no. If it’s formula, doctors do suggest water in between bottles.
In fact, they suggest starting babies on soft food, especially after their teeth come in. Introducing baby food or soft foods at 4- 6 is perfectly healthy. Only Introduce one food at a time in case of allergies. Your mother is the grandmother, not the mother.
Being a grandmother, myself, I babysat my grandchildren over weekends. I still asked what was allowed to be given and not given. The things your mother is doing is perfectly healthy, but, it’s your choice, not hers. I think you overreacted, especially with the water.
But, to punish your mother and say she can not watch the baby, is a little on the mean side. Sit down with her, if need be, at the baby’s next appointment, take your mother with. Discuss these issues with the pediatrician.” Prestigious_Corgi_92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your child, your rules/decisions. Full stop. Unless your mother believes you are doing something that is actively harming your baby she should step ALL the way back and respect how you want to raise your son. Offering you a place to stay should have zero bearing on whether or not she follows the guidelines you set up for caring for your child.
The giving-him-water incident is crazy boundary overstepping and a direct power play. You did the right thing. You’re a mother now and you are responsible for your son, not for your mother. You clearly need to move out ASAP. It may take longer to save to buy a house but this is not a sustainable solution.
She will go behind your back and do whatever she wants with your baby if you stay. If she comes to you truly penitent at some point you might consider letting her see your baby but I would hesitate myself to leave him alone with her.” Austen-aficionado
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s just emotionally immature and placed you in a role of “daughter” still instead of seeing you for the grown woman and mother you are now. You’re validated in worrying about your baby being internally drowned in a water-to-nutrient ratio – that IS a thing!
Babies CAN have too much water via water intoxication – it is dangerous! I think it would be better to leave, as long as you’re under her roof she will see you as her daughter and not a grown woman because she’s emotionally immature and has her own growing to do through her emotional wounds.
How do I know this? She got defensive and turned herself into the victim when your baby could have been hurt. GET OUT.” macrameandcheese6822
Your issue isn't your mom giving the baby water, it's about her not respecting boundaries. This is a hill to die on. If she doesn't respect you for little things what would happen with the big issues? It's hard but enforce those boundaries.
3. AITJ For Being Upset My Wife Kept Her Cancer Diagnosis From Me?
“I met my wife in class and we have been together for 20 years.
We have done everything together and normally we tell each other the first thing about any new news.
She recently started to develop a few concerning symptoms and we went to the GP who referred us to a cancer clinic. We were very scared and I went with her for the whole thing taking time off work.
We were told they did see a small lump on a scan but it was probably nothing and took a biopsy. We would be told in a few weeks what the results were and told not to worry.
It’s been 6 weeks and I thought we hadn’t heard anything, which had been playing on my mind.
I had made a few passing comments and my wife had just shrugged.
Last week, I sat her down and explained we should raise it with the hospital and complain as it wasn’t fair how long we were waiting. My wife uncharacteristically started arguing with me and ended up shouting that she already knew the results.
She had been asked to come in and took one of her friends with her three weeks ago. They had told her she had localized breast cancer and they were planning chemo and surgery. It would mean we would need to speak and go through egg storage for fertility and she was worried she would upset me causing me to leave.
I’m obviously devastated and scared for my wife. She’s my best friend and I don’t want to lose her. I don’t care about anything else I just want to be there for her even if it means not having children. I’m just hurt and worried that she felt she couldn’t tell me or involve me.
It hurts to know she has been dealing with it on her own and I couldn’t support her.
I will not or ever leave her no matter what and I know she needs my support right now. However, I have found I have stopped talking about what is going on in my life or my stresses and just closing down any conversations about my day, etc.
My wife has accused me of planning to leave or being unfaithful and says I am being an over-sensitive jerk. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but understand that the numbers say husbands often leave after the wife gets cancer. It is statistically a fact, unfortunately.
Someone somewhere may have asked or suggested she bring a friend and not her husband to that appointment. I have heard this from numerous women with cancer, nurses, and doctors. It hurts but try not to take it personally even though it kinda is. Try some counseling together and separately cancer is no joke.
Just try to stay positive and hope for the best on all fronts. None of this is going to be easy. I wish you all the luck, hope, love, and prayers.” Fancy-Repair-2893
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s alright for you to feel hurt, but also you need to take a long look at yourself and your relationship and figure out why she had those fears.
The fact that you chose what is, at heart, an abusive silent treatment kind of response to this, signals to me pretty clearly that you don’t handle things well. Also, consider the fact that with breast cancer, she might have found the support of a female absolutely crucial because there are a lot of emotions and fears about a woman’s body that men just can’t understand no matter how much they love and support someone.
It is also a fact that men often leave when women get sick. So she likely has a lot of fears right now and instead of trying to figure out how to help, you’ve chosen to give life to them. Talk to her about your fears and hurt and let her know you will be there for her.
If you don’t, then this becomes a YTJ for sure.” kittygattochat
Another User Comments:
“Currently, NTJ. You were hurt about the fact that your SO hid the results from you, and that she chose somebody over you when they went for the results, you probably felt that she didn’t have the same trust that you have for her, even though you’ve been together for 20 years.
Since it is something that’s more personal than anything else that went through your life, you should’ve been the one she went with first. However, you would be the jerk if you continued with what you’re doing right now. Talk. Just talk.
Have a deep talk with each other. Talk about why she thought about you leaving her, talk about the actions that she did that hurt your feelings, and say that for 20 years, the idea never crossed your mind. That you’ll support her just as you’ve done in those 20 years.
Just talk it out. Side note though, the thought probably never crossed her mind until one or more of her friends brought it up, and I hope to God this isn’t true and that she has good friends, but if it is, then that friend may even suggest things that you both will come to regret.
So talk.” Realistic_Reading_76
2. AITJ For Jokingly Calling Out My Brother For Revealing My Pregnancy News?
“My (35m) wife (31m) and I are expecting our first child in June. We found out in mid-October but didn’t tell anyone until Christmas after tests came back clean. On Christmas Eve both of our families were together and we were 12 weeks in, so we made the announcement.
My mom asked if she could tell her friends, and I said she could tell anyone that I don’t talk to or wasn’t going to see soon.
On Christmas Day there was another dinner with other relatives, but my brother (29m) wasn’t going to be able to make it to this dinner.
We have an aunt in her 80s who isn’t in great health and who was going to be at dinner, and my brother decided to stop by on Christmas morning to say hi before he left town. He had partially overheard my response to my mom’s question and I guess didn’t catch the context, so while he was there he broke the news that my wife and I were expecting.
When I got to dinner I didn’t tell everyone immediately since people were preparing food and I figured I’d just wait until we were all sitting down together. My mom was talking with my aunt alone, and when I went to chat with them they let me know that my brother had already spilled the beans but that nobody else knew yet.
I said “oh, ok”, she said congrats, and we went about catching up – it wasn’t a big deal. When we sat down to eat I told everyone else.
The next day my brother and I were texting about how nice Christmas was and I gave him some grief by texting “Also (our aunt) was like the one person you needed to manage to not tell that we were expecting lol”.
I thought it was just some light-hearted banter because he was basically only going to be seeing one person that I was going to be seeing soon and he managed to tell her in that time. He immediately called me and asked if he’d spoiled some surprise.
I said it’s typically the parents’ news to break but that it really wasn’t a big deal and I was just giving him grief. He said something like “well what else was I supposed to talk about” and I said “basically anything else” and I reminded him I’d been holding in the news for months, but I reiterated that it really wasn’t a big deal and we ended the call.
I texted him about other things over the following week but got no responses. It’s now 3+ months later and still nothing. No response to texts, to ultrasound pics, or our baby shower invite. My dad says my brother told him I’m not getting a response until I apologize to him; he thinks I didn’t appreciate he’s just excited to be an uncle.
I don’t even know what I’d apologize for – I wasn’t mad and I don’t think I could have made that more clear when he called, and I obviously moved on immediately when I kept texting him about other stuff.
I don’t think I’m the jerk here but I feel like I need a sense check because it’s legitimately insane to me that I’ve been cut out of his life over this text while I’m going through the most exciting change of my life.
Was my text mean? Did I not appreciate his excitement? Should I be apologizing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – only because you didn’t go at him in a bad way. His reaction is unacceptable. OP if I were you, I’d seriously consider waiting for an apology from HIM and no meeting baby till then.
It’s a bit ridiculous his argument is that he hasn’t spoken to you in 3 months and is ignoring you because he’s waiting for an apology but he told your aunt because he’s “excited to be an uncle” at this rate he won’t be because he won’t be an uncle to your child.
It’s not SO serious but it is sort of when he’s getting so upset about something you threw under the rug a while ago.” NoIntroduction1035
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As everyone else said it’s your news to share and any adult should know that.
If he was a kid, it could be understandable but 29 is well past the age and he should know better. You don’t owe him any apology but he does, at least for the silent treatment. Maybe you can tell that to your father and tell him that it seems your brother doesn’t want to meet his niece/nephew.” TwinZylander214
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Your brother is taking this too seriously. And you and your spouse are being completely ridiculous and precious about your various and sundry announcements. I get keeping pregnancy news private. I get telling only, for example, parents. But you had told your parents.
You had told everyone at the Christmas Eve dinner. From that point on, everyone was allowed to tell everyone they wanted except people you might be seeing at some point soon? It’s like, Monday we tell Mom and Dad. Tuesday we tell our siblings, except for Bob who won’t be at dinner.
Nobody tell Bob! And Wednesday is second cousins except nobody tell Susie because we don’t like her, but make sure that Betsy is at our lunch announcement because even though she’s a third cousin we really like her a LOT. But she may NOT tell her mom who ticked me off once when I was 15.
You need to get over yourselves, a little.” Active-Anteater1884
1. AITJ For Washing My Hands Of My Wife's DIY Disaster?
“We both do laundry but my wife wanted the laundry done upstairs because she dreads going down to our little basement dungeon whereas I don’t care.
She gets the idea that the back porch of the house can be turned into a laundry/mud room. We talked about it and while I’m pretty handy around the house, I can’t basically build an addition. A project like that done by professionals would be quite expensive and while we do pretty good as a family it would’ve been something we couldn’t afford.
Not to be deterred, she enlisted the help of a family member who knows a handyman who works “cheap”.
I’m kind of against it but my wife is like a dog with a bone when she wants something and it happened. The guy did the plumbing work, electrical, drywall, and new siding on the house.
I’ll admit it looked ok but the problems started basically from day one. First there was a leak in the cold water line and guess who had to call the guy to get him to come and fix it? I should add here the only advice I gave my wife is to make sure the guy knows to insulate the piping so it doesn’t freeze and break in the cold winter months.
She told me he was on it. She had him install insulation and heat tape. Guess what happened that winter. Frozen pipes. So you know who was thawing pipes with a hair dryer? Ol hubby.
So over the few winters we’d have, we’d have days in the single digits, and guess who’s up at night running water so the pipes don’t freeze?
Mr. Husband, that’s who. Where’s Mrs Wife while all this is happening you might ask? She’s sound asleep because she doesn’t have to think about it. Who’s tracking the weather from November to April because they need to be ready? Me that’s who. And when I finally had had enough and copped an attitude because it had gotten old.
I told her it sucks that I have to carry the mental load of a project that was her idea. When something happens I have to make the phone calls, I have to wait around for the plumber, etc.
This past year though is the final straw for me.
The access to the plumbing is a tiny little hole to a literal crawl space. We had another freezing incident and being over it, I made my way through the hole only to discover the reason why it kept freezing. My guy put the heat tape on the outside of the insulation.
I lost it. I told her it was nonsense that I have to keep dealing with this, while she doesn’t give it another thought and she said I’m blaming her making it her fault for rubbing her nose in it. I’m tired of it. It’s all on her now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is her fault. You warned her of the dangers of hiring cheap and have spent ample time dealing with her mistake. It’s perfectly reasonable to have her deal with the problems she caused. Of course, this doesn’t actually fix your plumbing problem.” jedirieb
Another User Comments:
“When my dad was renovating his shop and needed an electrician, one of his suppliers recommended his pal saying he’d give a nice discount, etc. Warned my dad multiple times about doing business with “friends of friends”. Turns out the reason he gave a discount was because he was a raging drinker who couldn’t hold down a job, did a bad job, and didn’t even finish.
Took the money and bounced. Left my dad’s shop a complete electrical hazardous mess for two extra months until we could get someone else in. The supplier: “my friend would never, idk what happened” but of course would not divulge where his friend was. NTJ.” hahaz13
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You and your wife are both jerks for having unpermitted work done on your house. Your wife is a jerk for not getting someone competent to do the work, and you’re both the jerk for not getting someone to fix it in the last few years.
Just hire someone to fix it! You’ve had a few years to save up. Stop being jerks to one another and just get it done. Also, you don’t get to wash your hands of major construction work being done on your house. That means you, in regards to having nothing to do with the decision to hire someone to do an illegal addition, and includes your wife for not being involved in solutions to fix the problem.” ChonkButt510
