People Obsess Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Kicking Out My Ex-Best Friend Who Stole From Me?
“(I’m 19F) I’ve known my ex-best friend (19F, we’ll call her Chloe) since early 2019 and we used to be close.
Even though our friendship was okay then, I noticed Chloe had an issue with stealing small things. Back around the beginning of 2023 Chloe moved in with us because she had been having issues with an ex of hers living close to her, and she couldn’t continue living with her current friend because they were pregnant and needed the room for the baby.
I didn’t want her living so close to someone like that so I offered to let her move in, so she did. She moved into our basement which happened to be larger than everyone else’s room in the house. I noticed she would always talk negatively about the girl who let her live with her before.
We were about to take a trip to Florida when she moved in, so we invited her to come along. We paid for her. All she did the entire trip was complain and it honestly ruined the trip for me. Things just got worse.
Chloe claimed she’d pay rent but never did even when we were struggling with finances, started stealing from me and my other best friend (who we’ll call Maddy 18F) that she was already jealous of because my family liked her more and we’d known her for much longer, but Maddy was nothing but nice to her and even gave her a ton of cute clothes because her ex had thrown hers out and she never wore them and would complain about not having anything.
I would have to go to her room and collect our clothes, makeup, and more. I woke up once to her sneaking around in my room (my door was locked by the way) and she called me defensive for asking what she was doing. She started becoming rude with me every time I tried to talk to her, always keeping this annoyed tone and would always start arguing with me, calling me obsessive and manipulative for trying to hang out with her and making a joke once about how she’d rather I not exist near the end of our friendship and more.
She asked if her current partner could visit for 3 days and then kept having him stay over for a whole month. After around 6 months of tolerating her behavior we told her she had to leave before Christmas, still in the nicest way possible even though we were all fed up with it.
She did leave, although not without taking an expensive perfume that was supposed to be my Christmas gift on the way.
That’s not even half of the things she did. Recently she unfollowed me on everything to “make it clear we’re not friends” randomly which didn’t really bother me, but earlier today I found out she’s going to the same party that I am tomorrow and she found out and basically called me immature and acted like I was in the wrong, saying that if I ‘start anything she won’t play’.
And when I mention how she was to our other friends they act weird, like they don’t agree with me. AITJ for kicking her out even though she was acting this way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “I woke up once to her sneaking around in my room (my door was locked by the way) ” I’d have given notice/kicked her out at that point.
“Calling me obsessive and manipulative for trying to hang out with her” Projection. “And making a joke once about how she’d rather I not exist near the end of our friendship and more. Psychopathic. You helped her in good faith. Your other friends may be acting “weird” because she’s still fooling them the way she fooled you.
Be careful if you do go to the party.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, OP, you have to be smarter than this. If you watch a dog bite one person after another, and then you walk up and offer it your arm, you can’t be surprised and upset when it bites you.
In the future, if you see someone with these kinds of behaviors and morals, don’t make them your friend, keep them far away from you.” crystallz2000
Another User Comments:
“Sigh… there really needs to be a separate sub called “I took pity on some rando and let them move into my house, and unbelievably it didn’t work out just amazing.” If it gets any worse it’s going to crowd out all of the important “My husband does no chores,” “I’m 39 and can’t stand to live with my toxic mother,” and “baby names” posts.
At least the child free weddings posts seem to have slacked off. NTJ” CalendarDad
18. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Estranged Cousin's Baby Shower?
“I have a little cousin who I’ve been pretty close with our whole lives. She even lived with my parents and me while she was in college, so our bond is almost that of sisters.
We haven’t spoken in almost two years. At that time she was in the beginning stages of a new relationship with this guy who she’d been on and off with since high school. He wasn’t always great to her and even admitted that he was embarrassed to be with her publicly.
He was unfaithful to her a lot. At one point, he didn’t even bother with the breakup, just left the state and didn’t talk to her for a few years. For all of these reasons, I’m not this guy’s biggest fan, but my cousin seemed to be happy so I told her she should bring him to come hang out with me and my husband next time she’s in town.
That was the last time we spoke outside of a “Merry Christmas” “Happy New Year” or “Happy Birthday” text with no real conversation attached. I found out she married him when I saw all the pictures of their wedding on Instagram. I was hurt she didn’t even tell me she got engaged and that I wasn’t invited, but I assumed it was an affair and brushed it off and told her how beautiful she looked with no response from her.
About 4-5 months ago, my sister told me that our cousin is pregnant, but she didn’t want too many people to know just yet so I had to pretend I didn’t know. I was again hurt that she wouldn’t tell me, but she’s an adult and given that her pregnancy would likely be a high-risk one, I understand wanting to keep it private until it’s safe.
About a month ago my mom asked my aunt (cousin’s mom) about it and was told my cousin specifically said she didn’t want my mom or I to know and asked her not to tell us. She said we’d never approved of her man and talked a lot of mess about him and she didn’t want our negativity to ruin this happy time in her life.
This hurt in a big way. Sure I’d talked badly about him, but it was when I was agreeing with her all those times he’d hurt her.
I’ve never been anything but supportive towards her and I couldn’t believe she’d want to exclude me from her life like this.
I managed to get over it and just unfollowed all of her socials so I didn’t need to see the life she didn’t want me to be a part of and moved on.
A few days ago, she texted me and asked for my address so she could send a baby shower invitation, still not actually even telling me that’s married or pregnant, just that she’d like to send an invite.
I told my mom about it who immediately said I should just forgive her and go. I’m absolutely not going. She’s clearly told people that she doesn’t want me involved with this part of her life. I think it’s ridiculous to ask me to show up and give her gifts and baby items for the baby she didn’t even want me to know she was having.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ RSVP, no and include a note of congratulations on the baby. You can add that if she’d like, she can set a time to chat with you at a later date. If she would actually like to reconnect, she’ll reach out and you can consider what you want to do.
If she just wants you to show up at the shower after cutting you out of her life, that’s not relationship-mending and you don’t need to do anything. Your mom is free to go or not, as she pleases; you are free to go or not, as you please.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t even give her your address. She’s only calling you because she needs the gifts now, baby daddy is definitely broke. She’ll start gaslighting and emotionally blackmailing you if you let her into your life while she’s married to that bloke.
Take care of yourself!” Altruistic-Hippo8200
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t just ignore someone for who knows how long and then expect them to be all happy and eager to jump on an invite to a party. Especially one where you expect them to give you a gift. She put up the fence, she can make the effort to tear it down and open some proper communication with you that doesn’t involve her getting something material in return.” Owenashi
17. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Little Brother Due To My Busy Schedule?
“I am 20 years old, living with my partner halfway across the city by my means. I work two jobs with athletic commitments and weekly court-ordered meetings. Needless to say, I lead a busy life.
Anyway, my mother makes a last-minute call to me every so often to ask if I can babysit my little brother because they are going out of town for business. They are CEO’s and so this happens quite often. I love my family and my little brother so I have been giving consistent yes’s to taking care of him often requiring me to drop something from my schedule.
In this current time frame, I have been extra busy, and I have multiple mandatory commitments to go to tomorrow that require me to have a good sleep if I am to even think of completing them with a positive attitude.
My mother called and said she was going to Toronto, and asked that I go home to take care of my little brother.
I said, “No, I can’t because I have work early tomorrow,” She said, “Just sleep here and send him off to school”. I say, “I can’t because it’s too far and I have to wake up early.” Then she insists, and insists and questions me on what I am planning to do, when I am going, and why I can’t just do this little thing for her?
And trying to say that because she’s going to be further away from the house, it only makes sense that I have to take care of my little brother. I am confused and fed up at this point, I say “he’s not my son” and she hangs up without saying anything.
From the 18 years I had of living with her, if I have learned anything about her, it is that this is not good news. Either a severe emergency popped up, or she is offended and that is not good news for anybody. Most likely the latter.
She will try to punish me in some way shape or form, and try to make me feel her anger and make me apologize. Knowing that this was coming, I sent her a long message about how I had mandatory commitments, I needed my rest, and that her behavior was ridiculous, that I love them both but I am not an on-call babysitter, and that if she was going anyways and leaving him alone, I will have to go anyways and I will tell him everything that has happened here.
I also told her that if she keeps treating me like this I don’t want to keep doing favours for her.
She responded “You don’t need to come. I will take care of it.”
End of messages
I feel like a jerk for lecturing my mother like this, but a part of me feels that it was justified.”
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. You never asked for this and u need to live your own life. If she decides to have a kid then she is responsible and not you. If u often take him upon you then u can say no without feeling any type of guilt.
She should come with this info earlier and not so last minute cause then she should be expecting that u have plans already and not be mad about it if u do. ” Startwithtoothpaste
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stand your ground. This is the uncomfortable part about establishing your boundaries with your parents.
They will try to push past them. Your reasons are valid. They will try to play the guilt card. You had mandatory commitments. Her lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on your part. She needs to learn this.” golden fingernails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re correct, the kid is not your son and he is her responsibility, not yours. You need to get some space from your mom for your mental well-being. Stop being her go-to babysitter and focus on yourself. Who cares if she is upset, it’s on her to plan properly.” User
16. AITJ For Considering Suing My Parents Over Misused College Funds?
“I, 17F, am graduating high school next month and am set to attend my first-choice college with a partial scholarship in the fall.
It’s an instate school about an hour away, and because of my dual enrollment credits, I should only be 5 semesters from finishing my bachelor’s degree and then going for the master’s degree I need for the career I want.
Five years ago my Mamaw, (mom’s mom) passed away, leaving behind a college fund for me and my siblings, Kyle (M25) and Kelsey (F22).
Mom’s Aunt Teresa was supposed to oversee it, but she passed away in 2020, and somehow my parents wound up in charge. I don’t know all the details because I was 12 when Mamaw passed away and 14 when Aunt Teresa passed away. I’m not even sure exactly how it was structured or how much there was, except that it was supposed to be enough to cover a significant amount of our expenses if not everything.
Kelsey is a fine arts major and her first year of college was derailed, and she wound up losing an entire year. She was supposed to go back for her final year next fall just as I am starting college, but last night at our Grandpa’s birthday dinner (Dad’s dad) she announced that she had been invited to participate in a Junior Artist in Residence study program and was deferring her last year of college.
Everyone congratulated her and my grandparents asked about what sort of stipend she was getting. She said there wasn’t one, but Mamaw’s funds would cover her living expenses.
My uncle said that between me starting college and them covering that, the fund would be empty soon, and would her share be enough to pay for her final year after?
That’s when my dad said that since I had scholarships and my sister needed them more, I wouldn’t be getting any of the funds Mamaw left for us. Everyone was shocked and started asking questions, but my parents insisted that it was important to support my sister’s artistic goals “the way we never were”, and that I’d be fine.
When my grandparents argued with them, Mom said I could take out loans for what my scholarship didn’t cover and live at home to save funds. I was in tears and my sister was upset that people weren’t happier for her. When my uncle asked if there were even going to be funds left for my sister to go back and graduate, my parents said they would take out a loan against the house to cover it.
Everyone got into a huge argument and my parents and sister left. My grandparents, uncle, and aunt got to talking and my uncle, who is a lawyer, says he’s going to look into it and that we may have to sue them for my share of the college funds because he believes they mismanaged it.
My grandparents are worried about them mortgaging the house and losing it and suggested we take out a lien against the house for my tuition funds so they can’t use it to get a loan to pay for my sister’s expenses.
WIBTJ if I sued my parents for my college tuition and put a lien against their house as my grandparents suggested?
Update: Thank you all for the advice. I know you can’t just “put a lien” against the house, but my uncle and grandparents are talking about suing for the funds, and since my parents won’t have it, putting a lien against the house. They want to move quickly before my parents can “do any other foolish actions” as my Grandpa put it.
We all know if my parents spent the funds, there is no way they would be able to pay it back, neither will my sister, and Grandma told me, “but at least they won’t be able to lose the house”. My parents inheriting the house from Mamaw was the only way they could afford a home, they have never been good with funds, so growing up my grandparents covered a lot of their bills so we could have groceries and that is probably why Mamaw left Aunt Teresa in charge of it.
They are worried what will happen to my parents if they do take out a loan on the house because none of us believe they would be able to pay it back.
My uncle is going to talk to his law partner about taking the case, but most importantly, I was able to call Kyle and since he was an adult when Mamaw passed away he actually has a copy of the will somewhere that he says he’ll find and send to us, but he knew how much was in the account and where it came from.
According to Kyle there was a 300,000 life insurance policy from when PopPop, my maternal grandfather, passed away, and Mamaw saved it for us to use for college. He’s not sure how it was structured exactly, except he is upset because his college didn’t cost very much and what wasn’t used was supposed to be distributed when we all graduated or turned 25, whichever happened first. So they stole not only from me but from him too.
I knew my sisters school was expensive, it’s a private college, but I guess I assumed she was using loans or a scholarship or something? I never really thought about how they were affording her college, I just focused on doing well and getting as many dual enrollment credits as my school would allow so I wouldn’t have to spend as much time or funds when I graduated and went to college.
When he told me I was in tears because 100K would more than cover my bachelors degree and probably my masters degree too. What I want to do (meteorology) really requires a masters or even a doctorate if you want to do any of the really interesting stuff.
My parents were mad at me when I went home last night like I had caused the fight, so I just went to bed then went to work this morning, and am just sort of drained or like I got hit by a truck. My best friend says I didn’t do anything wrong and just sort of got sucked into everyone else’s drama and scheming, which seems pretty accurate.
Even more foolish is that my grandparents told me that because they knew I had a “decent amount” from Mamaw, they only saved for my aunts kids college funds, so they feel bad too, and Grandpa’s birthday dinner got ruined. I got him some cheesecake from my work and I’m going to take it over to him when they get back from church tonight.
Either way I got into my first choice college and am going to go, even if I have to sell b***d or take out loans, so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice. I’m trying really hard not to let this affect me too much because I still have final exams coming up and even though my grades are good I don’t want to let this screw up anything else since some of my scholarships are dependent on my grades.
My brother suggested in the meanwhile that I can file paperwork for my fafsa to not have my parents income counted, just my own, so I might be able to qualify for more aid, so I’m going to talk to my guidance counselor tomorrow about that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking the question, but this is outside our pay grade. You need a lawyer. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, it’s a horrible situation to be in and a terrible thing to even have to contemplate. Good luck.
EDIT: sorry I missed that your uncle was a lawyer earlier. No, it doesn’t make you the jerk here if you sued them. But you’re the one who has to live with the fall out a lawsuit will create and we don’t know what your family dynamic is or how it would affect you to potentially be extra from your parents permanently, which could be the result of a lawsuit.
I’m not trying to sound discouraging, just thinking realistically of the long term impact on your family relationship. If they mismanaged the funds they need to be held accountable, hopefully it can be resolved quickly for you. Good luck.” kiwihoney
Another User Comments:
“I’m not sure about the legal aspects of this “fund.” I suspect it does depend on how it was structured (like whether your grandma left instructions in a will on how much funds were to go to each child’s education, or if it was just up to whoever was overseeing, and when it’s gone it’s gone. Keep in mind that what was considered a lot of funds 5 years ago is probably a lot less now. If there are funds left and IF you can prove it was mismanaged I think you’re NTJ. It does sound like your parents are being unfair to you. ” Both-Ad1586
Another User Comments:
“Luckily this was caught now and your uncle and grandparents have your back! You should also check your credit to make sure they haven’t used your SS# to make any purchases or loans. If your Mamaw also willed her property to your parents, finding a way for you and your brother to claim it because of the mismanagement of the college fund is the best course of action.
It doesn’t mean you have to kick them out, but hopefully, the title can be changed to you and your brother (if your sister has already eaten up her third of $300,000). Good luck, you are doing the right thing. You are NOT hurting your parents.
They did this to themselves.” miracle-maxine
15. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Forgive My Friend Who Excluded Her From His Wedding?
“This is a bit of a complicated story, but I’ll try to summarize it as best I can. It involves me (29M), my partner (28F, let’s call her Mary), my brother (28M, let’s call him Dan), my brother’s ex (25F, let’s call her Sarah) and two friends (28M, let’s call him Roger and 29M, let’s call him Joe) and Roger’s now wife (28F, let’s call her Jenny).
We were all part of the same group of friends for many years, then things went South.
The whole thing started back in 2019. My brother Dan had been seeing Sarah for about 2 years. She was seriously toxic and abusive towards him. They broke up in August; it was nasty.
A week later, they started going out again. But at the same time, she was seeing Joe behind Dan’s back.
Long story short: Joe came clean to me and asked me not to tell anyone. When Sarah felt Dan was about to find out, she threw Joe under the bus to make it appear like she was manipulated into seeing him.
I told Joe’s side of the story, they both ditched Sarah and our friendship got “rocky”, to say the least.
Fast forward to 2022, and Joe tells me he likes Sarah and wants to see her; that they’ve become very close. I told him to first talk to Dan before doing anything.
He does tell him eventually over text, but the thing is: By that time, they’d been in a relationship for about four months. I was honestly furious at the realization that he would lie about this again; I lost my trust in him.
This drove a wedge between our group of friends, with some taking Joe’s side and some taking me and Dan’s side.
I personally don’t want them to choose sides; we’re not in high school anymore. But I avoid seeing Joe as best I can.
And then, we come to 2024. Joe’s still seeing Sarah, my brother is in a nurturing relationship, and I’ve been seeing Mary for a year.
Mary’s been part of our group of friends since 2019, and she’s everything I could ask for in a woman and a whole lot more.
Now, Roger has been part of our group pf friends since 2015, and throughout this whole thing, he’s tried to be neutral. Twice in a row, when I threw a birthday party and none of my friends came, Roger and his then-partner Jenny were the only ones to show up and we did have a great time.
So Roger and Jenny became engaged last year and they got married last Friday. When they came to bring mine and Dan’s invitation, he told us we were not allowed to bring our partners, nor was Joe allowed to bring Sarah. This because of the growing tensions in the group.
Dan’s partner understood; not sure how Sarah took it.
Mary didn’t take this well. She had been part of the group for years and felt Roger should’ve at least called her to explain. Roger’s the last of the group that I still consider a friend, and I’ve had a hard time asking Mary to give him one more chance.
AITJ for asking her to see his side of the story and to give him another chance, considering he’s one of the few friends I have left?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH This is just a big messy pot of teenage drama. Roger and Jenny took the cowards way out.
They punished innocent people in the name of “fairness” to avoid difficult conversations. That never succeeds as an adult You need to stand up for your partner. It’s total nonsense she wasn’t invited because of the Joe/Sarah/Dan drama, and you need to call that out Joe/Sarah/Dan is just a mess and making the situation worse” AgnarCrackenhammer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, because it sounds like you’re not asking her to forgive a friend of yours that she only knew through you for this snub (which would still be a snub even if that were the case), but you’re trying to ask her to forgive someone she has an independent relationship with for excluding her from their wedding.
She’s been part of your friend group for five years. Presumably she has at least some extant relationship with Roger and Jenny, separate from you. When they excluded her on the basis of her being your partner, they basically said that they don’t see her as an individual who they’d want to invite on her own merit.
They’re treating her like she’s tangential to you, and not their friend in her own right. That would make anyone reconsider a friendship, and it’s not your place to tell her how she’s supposed to feel about it.” AliceInWeirdoland
Another User Comments:
“YTJ he did not have enough respect to tell her why she was not invited yes its his wedding and he can choose not to invite anyone he wants to but he also has to accept responsibility of that decision has he apologised to her or tried to make amends you are putting all the responsibility on your partner when your friend is the one responsible” Spiritual-Mammoth254
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Bring A Plus One To My Wedding?
“I am having a dilemma with my sister because she’s offended she’s not getting a “plus one”.
Some background: my fiancé and I are getting married in Aug. My sister knew my fiancé before I met him and she introduced me to him when we first met. My sister has three kids and has been separated from her husband for about six years but nothing official yet about divorce or official separation (it’s messy).
This sister also has strained relationships with most of my other siblings.
Some months ago, she mentioned to me that she wouldn’t be sitting with the family at the wedding but wanted to sit at a table with her friends. I asked her “Why would your friends be invited to my wedding?” She said they would be my fiancé’s friends too.
I let this go and just told her I’m not sure who he’s inviting or if we’re doing assigned seating.
Another month passes, and the conversation comes up again, she asks who my fiancé is inviting and I say I’m not sure who’s on his guest list. Then she says “You’re not inviting *separated husband name*, right?
So, I should get a plus one, right? And I want to invite my neighbor.” I say “I’m not sure talk to my fiancé about it.” Fast forward to this weekend, she texts my fiancé asking if her plus one can be her friend, friend’s mom, her neighbor, and her neighbor 8 yr 8-year-old daughter, in addition to her three kids, and that she’d cover the cost of the table.
My fiancé responded saying we are already cutting from the guest list as is and not sure we can accommodate all those guests but that he’d check with me first. She responds that she’d minimally like to bring her friend as a plus one.
My fiancé checks in with me and we agree we want to keep the wedding small and don’t want to invite people we don’t know. So he texts her back saying unfortunately we can’t accommodate your friend and thanks for understanding.
My sister and her three kids are invited to the wedding.
I also invited her neighbor, who I know, because I saw her recently and knew my sister wanted to invite her. After my sister got the text from my fiancé saying we can’t accommodate her friend, she responded “So you’re saying I can’t bring a plus one?” And she then called me and expressed that she was deeply offended and that if everyone else was bringing a spouse why couldn’t she bring her friend and why did I assume her separated husband wouldn’t be invited?
I said and my fiancé had a deal we are only inviting people we know and want the wedding to be more intimate. She hung up on me. I have no idea who her friend is and she’s already coming with her three kids.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I used to be of the mindset that “everyone gets a +1” but not anymore. First, of all stuff ain’t free. Second the neighbor who she wants to sit with will be there. She will not be alone. This isn’t a party where your sister gets to curate a social circle to be with.
This is a celebration of YOUR marriage to your spouse.” Tomboyish717
Another User Comments:
“YTJ it is cheap and tacky not to give your sister a +1. “… and she’s already coming with her three kids.” .. don’t delude yourself. She won’t come to your wedding.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“Your sister is acting like a child who asks the parent who might say yes, instead of the parent who will say no. You have already been very generous in inviting people for her, you don’t have to have any more of them.
If you think that the seating may cause issues you could use a seating chart and place cards. NTJ” Swedishpunsch
13. AITJ For Ignoring My Clean Freak Roommate's Complaints And Eventually Making Him Leave?
“So me Sam (M18) and my long-time roommate and best friend Greg (m20) recently got a new roommate Frank (m23) and ‘ran him out’, we are not sure if we are the villains in this story so were turning to you all.
It all started this summer, to preface, Greg and I are VERY MESSY, we are clear about this in all of our roommate postings, but we try to keep it clean if the other person is. We told Frank this, and he said he didnt care too much, but he loved to clean so he would keep parts of the room very nice.
When it came time to move in, Frank immediately had issues with the condition of our room like peeling paint and dusty windows (We live in a dorm so all of these issues are not really fixable by us) Both Greg and I don’t care much about small stuff, so we pretty much ignored his concerns, and said if he wanted to file a complaint, he could.
This tendency to file complaints continued throughout our living arrangement, with Frank complaining and us mostly ignoring them, until one significant issue, bed bugs. Frank had stated he was bitten, and found a dead bed bug. Frank felt convinced that we had bed bugs because Greg and I leave piles of our clothes out (In front of closets, by the dresser, etc.) However, we both checked our room for bed bugs extensively and found nothing, so the issue was ignored by us again.
We mostly dropped the issue and told Frank it was probably spider or mosquito bites.
In addition to the cleaning issues, Frank, Greg, and I also had very different living styles. Frank would often take tests in the room and wanted complete silence or for us to be gone for hours at a time so they could be done.
We mostly obliged, as Greg and I like to be out most of the day anyways. However, once Frank got a partner, it became super often that he would kick us out or ask us to leave so he could spend time with her. The issue became that when we would ask Frank to leave, he always had an issue and would often refuse to leave the room altogether, so out of pettiness, we followed suit.
It all came to a head when we walked in on Frank and his partner (After spending time together but still in bed) and refused to leave, as we had already been out for about 4 hours that day. Nothing else eventful really happened after that, until Frank’s family came to town.
Frank and his family came to visit, and while here, his family came into the room and was making derogatory comments towards us about being messy and slobs (I had actually spent ~3 hours that day cleaning my entire room because I wanted to have a fresh start so this really angered me).
Additionally, their talking was LOUD and it was clear that they had no regard for us hearing them while they talked about us.
This culminated in Frank again showing up with his family one day and completely packing all of his things silently and moving out.”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like you warned him so he shouldn’t have made comments about you being messy. Also rude of him to expect you to leave the dorm room you PAY FOR, he didn’t need to have it all the time for his partner.
I’m glad he left, he wasn’t compatible, and you’re NTJ.” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t force Frank to leave, it sounds like his family did after seeing his living quarters. It was all for the best. It sounds like you/Greg and Frank were incompatible as roommates.
But ESH. You’re adults and sharing a space means that everyone needs to compromise. Frank chose to move in despite knowing he had a different standard of cleanliness, but you didn’t have to ignore him. Even though he sounds exhausting, the three of you could’ve talked over the issue of needing privacy and how much/how long instead of getting petty.
Frank’s family were jerks though. While they’re entitled to their opinions, they were guests in your home and were rude to treat you like that.” juliemoo88
Another User Comments:
“You’re kids, of course, you’re slobs. This time of living on your own is your time not to care.
But get it out of your system because you can’t stay like this forever or you will make your future partners miserable. NTJ, you warned him and it sounded like he was a bit of a selfish jerk. You didn’t run him out, his family made him leave when they saw how he was living.
Now get in there and clean your room!!” Pure-Relationship125
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Unruly Siblings At My Theatre Show?
“I (14f) have two younger siblings (8f and 10m) who do not know how to control themselves in public and cannot be quiet. I have always loved theatre, but I was too nervous to join because if your family caused constant interruptions, you wouldn’t be allowed in any future shows.
I know my siblings can’t be quiet, but for the last two years, I’ve been very distant from my family. They don’t give me rides to school events, my mom doesn’t even live in the home, my father is always at work, and I actively go out of my way to avoid my family due to how often they pick fights with me and each other.
My siblings have a nanny, so they’re always with her.
It may sound like I’m being dramatic, but there was a three-week period where I didn’t say anything to my family except “hello” “goodbye” “good morning” and “goodnight.” It was only broken by my father yelling at me.
My family doesn’t attend anything for me, I’ve gotten used to it, they aren’t my family figuratively anymore, and quite frankly, I don’t really want them there at this point. The only thing they’ve ever done for me at my events is hold me back, cause problems, or complain about my friends, classmates, or teachers.
It may seem weird that I defend my classmates and such so much, but they’re closer to my family than my real family.
In fact, my old friend group all had family problems, some better than mine some worse, and we would pretend to be a family, which I only recently realized was us compensating.
The only problem is now they want to come to my show. I would be okay with it being just my parents, I can stop just my parents from doing anything. But they want to bring my siblings.
My siblings cannot sit still until an intermission.
They’ve gotten us kicked out of theaters, sporting events, and public gatherings. They cannot be quiet.
If they come then I will surely not be able to participate in any high school shows. I only joined this year because I was sure that my family wouldn’t want to come.
They hate musicals, they don’t seem to care much about what I do, and they’ve never wanted to come to anything for me ever before.
And then they overheard me talking to my friend about how I could finally do it since they wouldn’t be coming.
They decided today, two days before the show, that they wanted to come and bring my siblings. I am doing everything in my power to get them blacklisted because I know they aren’t doing this for me and they’re only doing this to teach me a lesson about something stupid like “things don’t always work out in our favor” and I will not be able to do anything in the theatre again if they ruin this for me.
But I feel like I’m being selfish. I don’t want my siblings to ruin this for me but I feel like I’m more or less ruining it for them. The fact that both of my parents agree that what I’m doing is jerkish and that I’m stripping them of the right to see me perform doesn’t help either, but I’ve told them multiple times that my siblings CANNOT COME.
So… am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you think that it will help, please talk to your teacher and explain the problem. Perhaps you can work together to prepare for your parents trying to sabotage your performance. I expect that your teacher has had to deal with this sort of thing before and you are doing everything within your control to avoid problems.” latents
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I hope you will talk to your teachers or even the principal or a counselor about what’s going on here. It sounds as though they are trying to sabotage you. And I hope you can at least concentrate on your grades and get away to a good uni or college on a scholarship that leaves you less dependent on their income.” cadaloz1
11. AITJ For Telling My Daughter The Truth About Her Father's Absence?
“I 36f have a daughter 12f with my ex-husband. My ex-husband and I split almost ten years ago when our daughter was two. We did not split on good terms due to his unfaithfulness. However, I have never wanted to jeopardize their relationship, especially since she has always been a big dad’s girl.
So to give some background, we have done 50/50 since the divorce, but when our daughter turned 4 he started making excuses. He was going on a work trip, he was unwell, and he had a stressful week, and a deadline to meet. When he eventually took her for his week, she started being more angry at me.
She more tantrums whenever she got home, refusing to listen to me telling me that she hated me, and asking me why I hated her dad so much. At first, I didn’t understand why, but then one time she just started crying after I picked her up.
She told me “Mommy, can I please stay with Dad for another week”. I texted him and asked, he told me that he didn’t want to. This started happening every time after I picked her up.
Eventually, she just asked me why I couldn’t let her spend another week at her dad’s and why I was lying about him being busy.
I have never told her the truth because when he even has her for his week, he is a fantastic father and she loves him.
The older she has gotten, the more angry with me she has gotten. Last week her dad had her after refusing for 2 months, when she got home she immediately started having an attitude.
Telling me that I was a bitter psycho and that she hated me, started throwing her clothes and telling me that she just wished I would let her be with her dad instead of forcing her to stay here for so long at a time.
After two hours of this, or more like 8 years, I got fed up. I told her that it is her dad that is causing this and that he doesn’t want to see her. She did not believe me until I handed her my phone so she could read our text.
After this she just shut down, she told me that she was sorry for everything and had been crying asking what she ever did to him.
On top of this, her dad texted me asking what was wrong with me for telling her this and that I have now ruined their relationship forever.
He has sent a few more texts, basically boiling it down to me being the biggest jerk at the time. I feel like a bad mom for causing my daughter to feel like this, but after so many years I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I know it was probably wrong, but I don’t know what else I could have done. He has been telling her for so long that I am the one not letting her see him, and has caused my relationship with her to be so bad that she at days has refused to even talk with me.
Was I the jerk for telling my daughter this?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t be so hard on yourself.. the parental alienation he was pulling was not fair to you or your daughter. It will probably leave some scars, but you gracefully protected her from it for a long time.
His bad parenting is his problem to deal with now. She’s feeling major rejection for the first time in her life and feels very guilty for being so harsh on you. This age is tricky because we don’t have enough experience to deal with the things we’re getting mature enough to perceive.
Just work on your relationship with her and take her and yourself to therapy.” Docmarin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I sat at a similar table as your daughter when I was about 8 and it’s brutal. Please sit her down and talk to her about it some more, she’s most likely feeling very guilty for how she’s been treating you.
Maybe start by apologizing for the way this information came to light. Tell her that you didn’t want to hurt her but it was time for the truth because she means too much to you and you don’t want your relationship with her to be ruined because of the choices her dad makes.
That isn’t fair to you or her and she’s old enough to start to see that. Remind Daddy dearest that actions have consequences and even though it took a while, he’s finally getting to the consequence part. You aren’t a bad mom because you refuse to let your relationship with your daughter continue to suffer because he’s a jerk, no matter what he says.
Support your daughter through this and follow her lead, but don’t help him fix things between him and your daughter. If she’s important to him he’ll get off the bench and put in the work. If he doesn’t, she’ll still know you’re always there to catch her.” hbekk92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for telling her. But you are the jerk for letting this go on for so long without amending the custody agreement. Does dad pay child support? If not, then he should since you are the primary parent. Also, what he was doing was parental alienation.
It’s something that could be brought in court for grounds of having more custody.” in2thegray
10. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Contact With My MIL Over Her Partner's Behavior?
“I (26F) have been married to my husband (26M) for two years. We were high school sweethearts and have been together since we were 16. We have a beautiful baby (7mo M) and for the sake of our family’s safety, I want to go to no contact with my MIL, even temporarily.
We’ve had spats here and there but it’s never been anything too serious. We moved a few states away from where we grew up and MIL came with us. She helped with the moving costs so we were extremely appreciative and open to it. After moving, my MIL met her partner and in the beginning, everything seemed great.
Both my husband and I were happy for her because she left her entire life behind to move and start over and we were excited she found someone to start over with. He was over the top, but again, we were just happy for my MIL.
We began to see his true colors as time went on. We suspect he is probably using some sort of substance but we can’t prove it so that’s just our suspicion. In the time they’ve been together, he’s had 2 cars repossessed and been evicted from 3 apartments.
My MIL moved in with us and subsequently, her partner did as well. They regularly borrowed funds from my husband, paid no bills, and contributed nothing towards groceries/utilities/etc, despite both of them working average decent-paying jobs. She was not making payments on her car and her partner didn’t have one, so my husband and I quite literally had no idea where all of their funds were going.
A few weeks ago, we received a notice from our landlord that they had 14 days to move due to it being a 2-bedroom apartment over occupancy issues. This stresses out both of them and while this is happening, she loses her car. She was using a rental for a little bit but now wants to rely on us for rides everywhere.
She and her partner moved into an apartment a few miles up the road but she works over 45 minutes away and on night shift, so we’d have to take her and pick her up. They lost it when we said no.
MIL was claiming my husband owed her?
She wasn’t even really asking for help, just berating us, telling us we HAVE to help her because she’s broke. Her partner is very manic and unpredictable, to the point that we changed our locks and moved our car in front of our apartment’s office building where there are cameras because we were afraid he’d vandalize our car for not helping.
We can’t have any time with just my MIL because her partner is always with her, so we can’t even talk to her about our concerns. I haven’t discussed this NC idea with my husband yet because I don’t think he’d agree but I don’t want to have to worry about our safety because of my MIL partner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Talk with your husband and make sure he’s on your side. If he’s not willing to go to NC, then start with LC. (I don’t see that working, but hey, I’m a rando on the internet.) Either way, you need to be clear about these concerns and he needs to be willing to work with you to address this, as this situation is not going to improve by ignoring it.” jedirieb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – OP your MIL is an adult and is choosing this deadbeat over you and your husband’s well-being. Neither of you owes her anything, and it sounds as though she is allowing herself to be manipulated by the relationship. The problem here is at her age, she should know better and there’s absolutely nothing that you or your husband can say that she’ll listen to at this point.
The notice from your landlord was a saving grace for both you and your husband, as them continuing to stay with you would put added stress daily that would only get worse as time went on. If the situation continues to decline with the MIL; NC would be the best solution until she realizes what she’s doing is her fault and comes to terms with it.
Neither you, nor your husband deserve the way she’s treating you, nor do you deserve to live in fear.” Otherwise-Wallaby815
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am sorry this is happening to you. She needs a wake up to see how this boyfriend is affecting everyone in your family.
No relationship is worth this mess.” Trick_Few
9. AITJ For Not Becoming Friends With A Regular Customer?
“In customer service, I (27,f) get A LOT of weird requests. I work in a gift shop, and a guest, Justin (45??m) comes in once a week and tries to make small talk with me. I’m always polite because I’m the manager and he’s a guest. He buys something every time and shows me photos he takes of animals at our local zoo.
He’s always pleasant and nice but I cannot shake this feeling that there’s something wrong. A few visits ago Justin came in and was showing me his photos and asked my name. I told him my first name. We don’t wear name tags.
My name is spelled differently than it’s said. My employees are all trained to give out first names only and not disclose anyone else’s schedules to guests for safety. We’re mainly women over here.
Once he asked me what city I lived in, I told him the one I grew up in, not the one I’m currently residing in.
He asked me how my vacation was, I was unsure how he knew I went on vacation. Strange things that didn’t sit well but were not alarming enough to say anything about.
The next time I saw him I was running from one location to the next.
My heart sank as I heard him calling my name from a few stores down. I reluctantly turned around. He was very excited to see me and rubbed my upper arm in his greeting. In work mode, I just stepped back and continued the conversation.
He asked me where I was coming from and that he was just in my store, I told him I would talk to him next time. He pulled out a business card and asked me to add his photography business on social media and add his one.
I said I would check it out and sprinted into my store then office.
A couple of days passed, and I forgot about Justin. I did not look him up or do anything with the card. Suddenly I have a friend request from him. My heart sank.
I’m very private online. The only things you can see are my name, current city, cover photo, and profile photo. My name is spelled very differently than how it is spoken, my city is different than what I told him, my job is not listed anywhere, my profile photo has me looking away in the dark, and we don’t have mutual friends.
I have no idea how he found me.
It was alarming, that I did not respond to the request. I saw him in my store, he asked a supervisor if I was there and she said I stepped out. This happened twice.
The other day I looked in my spam message requests on social media messenger and I had 34 messages from him.
Tons of photos of animals, him saying hello multiple times, asking me why I’m not adding him back, and telling me he’s on his way to my store.
My cousin said I’m the jerk here for thinking the worst and Justin probably just wants a friend.
The manager in me feels like a jerk for denying my guest. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That behavior is alarming, you should listen to your instincts. It’s making you uncomfortable and that’s all that matters. Whatever reason he’s doing it for is irrelevant and your cousin should stop excusing men’s creepy behaviour.
My advice will be don’t respond at all on social media, not even to tell him you won’t add him. If you feel able I’d go as far as to block him. If he asks about it in person at the store tell him you don’t add guests on your personal social media account.” moonagecydonia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the guy has developed some form of crush or obsession with you and his behavior is at best inappropriate and at worst stalking. I’m pretty concerned about your friend’s and boss’s response as well, to be honest. Do whatever you can to put distance between you & him – do you feel able to respond to his message by saying you keep personal and business relationships separate?” Adorable-Address5718
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This could go south really fast. I’m not saying he’s a creep (I work with several people who don’t understand the inappropriateness of their actions without being dangerous) but his behavior is creepy nonetheless. I would make clear boundaries and scale back the chatter.
Also, inform your partner and colleagues just in case. There’s safety in the number of people who know about this.” Justaredditor85
8. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Helping My Friend On Her Assignments?
“I (17F) have a friend, Emma (17F). We go to an academically rigorous school and take a few dual-credit college classes at our community college.
I’ve always been an academically driven person and highly pride myself in my ability to study and perform well in school. Emma prides herself in the same things, however, she rarely puts in the same amount of work as I do.
Current school work is becoming an issue.
We take MATH143 and CHEM111 which are both necessary for high school graduation. She completely relies on me to remind her of the due dates for every assignment in our college classes. This wouldn’t necessarily be a problem, but she always texts me asking if there is anything due that night or tomorrow.
She texts me late at night asking if I’ve done an assignment and if I’ll send the answers. She texts me to ask about the most basic and simple things that you can find in the syllabus.
So, she is just constantly asking me for things she can do on her own.
Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind collaborating, going 50/50, or answering a few questions, but sometimes when she is fully aware of an assignment, she’ll just not do it and fully expect me to give her all of my answers. So, I’ve begun to stop reminding her about what is due.
I know that so far she has missed about half of a semester’s worth of math homework.
Tonight, we had chemistry lab calculations, and as I was doing 3 math assignments that night, she was asking me how to do the chemistry. I hadn’t done it, I told her that, and she doesn’t even do it.
After our math Zoom, I ask her if she has done it and she says no. Then, she asks if I will send it to her once I am done. At this point, I’ve sent her so much homework of mine and done so much to help her, but truly, I’m over being walked all over.
I say I’ll go 50/50 (we were lab partners) and she dares to say no. I do the lab by myself, and I’m confident that she will just get points deducted for lateness. She is so darn lazy.
Even though I believe I’m fully in the reason for doing all this, I still feel awful when I know that there is an important deadline or assignment due and she has no idea.
I’m busy working away and she is out with her friends. I feel like a bad person, and that it would just be easier and less stressful to just give her what she wants. But the more I give to her, I know that she will only want more.
So, am I the jerk in this situation? Should I just remind her about deadlines and send her what she wants?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is using you for her meal ticket. She has to put the work in just as well as you do.
She has been able to rely on you for so long that it’s kind of an expectation at this point. I smell this friendship going to shambles soon. Keep up the good work though, OP!” DarkAngel_DA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t keep sending her stuff.
You’re not her friend, she’s using you to do her assignments and work. Her academic success is not your responsibility. She’s not disabled, if she wants to succeed all she has to do is sit down and do the work. So let her face the consequences of her actions.
And stop letting people use you.” Confidenceisbetter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There will always be people needing help. The question is why are you helping them? Because they’ll grow and mature and reciprocate your kindness or pay it forward? Or will they keep relying on you and live an easier life off of your sweat and hard work?
There’s going to be no shortage of people wanting to use you. If there’s no reciprocity, you’re able to draw the line as to what you can and can’t do.” Ash_an_bun
7. AITJ For Threatening To Cancel My Wedding If My In-Laws Don't Invite My Best Friend?
“Me (m), my wife “Nancy” and my best friend Alex (f) are all in our early 30s.
Nancy and Alex know each other and even hang out alone and have their girl time when Alex comes to visit as she lives in a different country.
Now, me and Alex used to be in a relationship back in high school but broke up before we turned 18 as we found we wanted different things in life.
However, despite the breakup, we became best friends and never displayed anything romantic towards each other. She is like a sister to me. She supported me through a lot of hardships before I met Nancy. She is my rock and the person I am comfortable to open up to and she also gives advice if I mess up with Nancy and explains why I am an idiot.
It is also important that she has a long-term partner who both me and Nancy get along well.
Now to the problem: me and Nancy are getting married in a couple of months and I have noticed that we haven’t received RSVP from Alex. My future mother and sister-in-law were in charge of invitations, so I messaged Alex to see if she received anything and what her answer would be.
Alex confirmed she and her partner would be happy to attend and how excited she is to see me and Nancy getting married.
I have contacted my in-laws and asked why Alex hasn’t received an invitation and have tried to be as polite as possible thinking it might just be a delivery issue or lost in the mail, but both MIL and SIL have told me they have never sent an invite as they believe my friendship with Alex is inappropriate and I would be disrespecting Nancy by having Alex in our wedding.
I was confused as Nancy was also really excited to see her as they grew close. I have tried to reason with them but they said if I invite Alex they won’t come to the wedding.
I have checked with Nancy and she is visibly upset about the whole deal as she doesn’t think it is fair to leave Alex out.
Here is where I can be a jerk: after some consideration and discussion with Nancy, I have sent my in-laws a message saying there will be no wedding if they are not comfortable with Alex attending. Of course, it tipped them off with my MIL and SIL believing I was a huge jerk and spreading rumors to distant family.
It is also important to know that the wedding was only happening to keep her side of the family happy and we would preferred to elope and have a small celebration at a restaurant with close friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – make this your hill to die on.
You and Nancy should invite Alex to be your witness at the local justice of the peace for the wedding you and Nancy want. Make this your hill to die on OP, otherwise, your inlaws will think they can dictate other areas of your life whether you want them to or not.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If you two were going to elope, then clarify to MIL and SIL that if they continue like this, you will cancel the big wedding that you’re only having for them, and will elope instead. Give them a deadline. If Alex is not invited by then, cancel the venue.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You and Nancy should be the deciders on who gets an invitation and who doesn’t, not her parents. (In deciding which family and friends will be invited, her parents can have some say, but it’s her wedding, and they should be inviting the friends she wants to invite.) Your future ILs seem to want to control this issue; how many other issues in the future will they want to control?
Are they going to try to keep Alex away from you both for eternity? How much say will you and Nancy be giving them in how you live your married life together? If you want to make your own decisions together in the future, stomp on this nonsense now.
You and Nancy should be a united front on this: either we get to invite whoever we want, or we will ask our friends to be our witnesses when we elope. No big wedding, no other guests, including them.” TabbieAbbie
6. AITJ For Wanting To Attend My Best Friend's Wedding Without My Insecure Partner?
“I separated from my ex-wife 4 years ago. I have since started seeing my new partner of 2 years – we share a ton of interests, have great chemistry and deep conversations, and have an intellectual kinship.
However, she is very insecure and jealous and has intense emotional reactions when triggered. At times we could barely go out in public without her becoming upset because she thought I was checking out another woman, even though I had no idea who she was talking about.
This has improved over time, but there is still a cycle of positive connection followed by her being triggered by what to me feels like nothing.
Her insecurity comes down to not feeling “seen” enough in my life. When we started seeing each other, we were both going through a divorce; we’ve since become much more open with friends, hanging out and even traveling together, though we haven’t gone as far as meeting family.
Now, my best friend’s wedding is coming up, and he has asked me to perform the ceremony. We met in college and they live outside the US, so it will be a destination wedding, with many old friends in attendance — and since both he and his fiance are friends with my ex, she is invited as well.
They don’t know my partner, and it’s unlikely she could attend as she is not a US citizen, and getting a visa would be difficult. Even if she did go, I am afraid that she would have an anxiety attack/jealous blowup and impact the festivities.
I have absolutely no romantic intentions with my ex, and my partner knows and believes this.
To her, though, having me go to this event with my friends, with my ex there, and my partner being left out is unacceptably painful. It is a symbol to her that what we have isn’t real, and that I will be seen there with my ex and all my friends, without my partner as part of my life.
I empathize with the pain this can cause – at the same time, I don’t think that my friend’s wedding should be used as a vehicle to resolve our relationship issues. It’s not about us; it’s about them.
My partner says this will be too much for her to bear, and that she needs me to change my plans or that she needs to break up and start emotionally distancing herself.
She has stated that her basic need is to feel important and that if I change plans because of her feelings, this will help her feel more validated. But isn’t this a bad precedent to set?
If this is her boundary, I will have to respect it; but I can’t help feeling that this ultimatum is unfair.
It seems my options are:
a) Break up and go ahead with the wedding as planned
b) Not go to the wedding to avoid the trauma/drama, sacrificing an important life milestone with a good friend
c) Compromise by only going for the 2 days of the wedding and come back immediately after, and telling my friends it’s because my partner is uncomfortable.
(this will involve changing international travel plans and mean missing out on time with my friends.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go to the wedding as the officiant, and spend time with your best friend and other friends. Enjoy this milestone. Tell your partner you care for her very much, and will miss her there, but understand the challenge of getting a visa.
Tell her you are glad she understands you aren’t into your ex. Call her a lot from the destination. Send her flowers. Don’t go home early. Do what is best for you and your friendships, and your relationship, which is living up to the best you can do, and vice versa.
She’ll either accept you as you are or leave the relationship. Don’t let her bully you.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“I remember being pretty insecure when I was in my late teens and early twenties, but even then I didn’t behave the way your very adult partner does.
Her behavior is immature, but more importantly, quite concerning. This isn’t the way a mentally stable person acts. She needs therapy and lots of it. Whether it stems from her divorce/previous marriage or something in her childhood, she needs to unpack it and work through it.
NTJ. Don’t miss your friend’s wedding because your partner has issues. Only she can work through them. If you stay, you’ll be enabling her further, which does her no favors.” MonOubliette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, option A. If y’all were in your early twenties, it would be more understandable (not acceptable, just understandable) for her to be like this, but quite frankly, 36 is WAY too old to be this exhausting.
Break up with her and live a life where you don’t need to walk on eggshells.” remigrey
5. AITJ For Wanting To Buy A House That Doesn't Meet My Partner's Expectations?
“My partner of 6 years and I currently live in a townhouse that I own, that feels very cramped/cluttered.
Originally, I had a bedroom and two guest rooms one of which doubled as an office which worked very well for me.
(I’m not from here, and used to have friends and family that visited fairly regularly).
Before moving in we both sold, donated, and threw out lots of stuff, but our 18′ x 28′ townhouse still feels very cramped.
I am here basically 22/7 and the house is just not meeting my needs.
And ecstatically leaves me feeling trapped/confined. Like I get bruises from our footboard if I don’t walk around my bed carefully.
My partner likes where we are because he has a small workshop and he uses one of the three rooms as a walk-in closet for his suits (he works a uniform job) but they look great on him.
We share the master bedroom, and the third bedroom is kind of a guest bedroom, my clothes, etc. My office is kind of in the living room/dining room. There is zero floor space for exercise.
I want to buy a house. He contributes $700 to the household and had previously agreed to contribute $1100 if I buy a bigger place.
He does not want to be a homeowner.
He said he was open to moving, but only if he doesn’t lose his changing room, he gets a workshop, and the new house is not too far from work.
I would like a freehold house, built after 1986 (asbestos).
I would like a guest room so I can have friends and family stay, An office (with a Murphy bed so it can be a second guest room -big family), and a soaking tub. More than one bathroom. Floor space so I can exercise. And newer roofs/furnaces/windows are a definite plus!
I want a place I’m proud of. I’ve looked for years, and I just can’t find a home that meets all his expectations and mine AND that fits within my budget.
I told him I couldn’t afford a 4 bedroom (master/his closet room/office/guestroom) house with a workshop, close to his work.
I suggested a 3 bedroom with a walk-in closet and he could have the walk-in closet. That was a no.
I asked if he could choose between the two and he told me it’s hard and unfair that he should have to lower his standards. And it’s more fair if he gets a room and I get a room.
His response was to tell me I shouldn’t need to have a room for guests. That he lives there all the time. We should get them hotels.
But he’s not willing to buy a house with me and if I’m spending all these funds I feel like I should get a better situation, not just the same situation in a more expensive home that I’ll be paying a mortgage/property tax/insurance, emergency and routine repairs on.
To be fair He hates change and he hates moving.
In his last place, he had a bedroom, a suit room/closet then too, and the living-dining room was their workshop (which he didn’t /doesn’t use that often).
He’s a very good and supportive partner for reasons outside this post. We love each other deeply.
This is just something we’re struggling through.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your funds, your choice. You tried to follow his wishes, but they can’t be fulfilled. So do what is best for you and buy a house that fits your wishes. If it makes a price difference, maybe look for a bigger place a little bit farther away from the workplace – as this is a point your partner can’t change.
If you choose a 3 bedroom + walk-in closet house, your partner could still decide that he wants room number 3 for his suits and you would have to constantly fight because of that.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“Nope NTJ. Your partner needs to get over this.
Your funds, your choice of property. Yes, he’s paying you, but it’s essentially rent. Paying rent does not give him a stake in the decision. It sounds like he should be grateful to you for providing him housing, not being a baby with unreasonable expectations that you cater to his needs.
If you move into a new place without a workshop, he can rent a garage or basement nearby.” WealthOk9637
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – in this housing market, people need to be flexible. Some walk-in wardrobes can be huge. What about flex spaces? A finished basement could be ideal for a workout space, or a home office if you want a work/home separation.
If the budget allowed, an attached garage could be carpeted and insulated to make an agreeable gym or multipurpose area.” MaudeBaggins
4. AITJ For Ignoring My Late Father's Partner?
“A few months ago we were notified that my dad had passed.
We were not close, both he and my mom stepped out of my life when I was little, gave me to his parents, and gave up their parental rights.
Over the years I saw him once in a while and once I had my own kids, he sent them birthday cards. He visited us once.
Anyway, the reason I was contacted is because the police had me as next of kin, which once our family situation was explained, they changed this and I was taken off their notes as legally, I wasn’t.
His parents were given all information and they had been working with coroner, funeral home, etc.
The problem is… it gets complex with his partner. They were together over 2 decades and when we were notified he had passed, they gave me her number to call.
I’d never talked to her and neither of us had each other’s numbers.
I called her, and I regret it. I just wanted to help. She had lived with him for 2 decades and suddenly he was gone. So I felt bad for her.
She didn’t know what to do with his things, his house, car, job/coworkers so I was offering to help. We don’t live in the same state so it was all over the phone.
It’s well over the scope of this post but his parents were named his beneficiary at work so they took care of that (he had no personal will) and them and her have a very bad relationship.
Ultimately she wanted his parents to come up and help her and I knew they wouldn’t so I offered.
In the state they lived in there’s very loose guidelines behind what a common law spouse is, what that person gets in case of death, etc.
His parents signed off that he was not married on his death certificate, and evidently this causes issues on what his partner now has claim to. She technically didn’t contribute to their income and she isn’t on the car or house. So her family got a lawyer.
I immediately stepped out. Everyone started trying to make me mediator.
Over the weeks I’ve gotten small rant updates from his parents that the coroner called because her lawyer called them, or the funeral home, or his job. From my very little understanding, to get his parents to amend the marital status.
Last week his partner started calling me again. I just had a baby 2 weeks ago, and we were released from the hospital this Tuesday. I just cant/don’t want to deal with it. I answered once last week and tried to explain this but she seemed to want to get straight to talking about all of that and then (thankfully) the call dropped. She called today again and I was nursing so it went to voicemail but I sent her a text asking how she was doing, no response.
She left a voicemail talking about past family issues, how she didn’t know what was going on, asking what his parents had been telling me and essentially that our family is heartless. I’m just going to keep ignoring her? Or does that make me a huge jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at this point you are helping a stranger really. You didn’t know or care for your father. It seems like the people who raised you are being really mean to the person he lived with for 20 years, and he was super dumb (or purposefully mean) to not officially marry her and leave her name off all the assets, which have now been inherited by your grandparents.
I don’t know what help she thinks you can provide, but to lose a partner, her home and possessions because of negligence with a will is rather sad.” joosdeproon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d send her a final note explaining that you need to step away, without explaining why.
And then I would block her and explain the same to your family. An excellent example of no good deed going unpunished. Congrats on the new baby. I wish you peace from here. Good luck, OP.” vinnie_barbell_ino
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just had a baby.
That’s your priority, and you’ve explained that. Your father’s partner seems to want your family and others to say that they were married, which they were not. You can vouch for what you know to be true-that they were partners for twenty years-but not married. Hopefully, some benefits will accrue for her.” Euphoric_Travel2541
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents To Track My Phone?
“I (20M) am a sophomore in college. I live alone in an apartment off campus and have an upcoming trip to Europe, so I bought some clothes since I don’t own much for summer and went to bed early around 7 pm. I woke up to pounding on my door from the police; it caught me by surprise, and I asked why and he said that my mother was doing a wellness check because I wasn’t answering my phone.
I responded with a sigh and resolved the conversation. I then went back to grab my phone and call my parents who my father was already driving to see me (I live 1.5 hours away from their house). My mother was freaking out because she received one of those fake emails trying to make you click on a link with it saying in Apple Mail “From My Name” and she never checked the email it was sent from.
My dad was freaking out because he saw that I ordered something from a clothing store and that was enough cause for alarm. These two things together freaked them out enough to warrant my immediate attention from 7-11:10 pm.
I understand some of the concern but both of those things aren’t really that unusual to me, so I was somewhat surprised by their necessity to get in contact with me immediately instead of waiting for me to answer.
This brewed into a mini-argument regarding them having tracking on my phone to see where I am at all times (keep in mind they already track my car, and they fully know that I rarely go out). I have lived here for 2 years and only recently has it begun to be an issue for my mother because she wants some assured way of getting in contact with me (via neighbors’ phone numbers or something over the top (keep in mind I don’t even have my neighbors phone numbers or see them for that matter)).
I refuse to give them tracking on my phone since they already track my bank and car.
So AITJ for not wanting them to track me and for trying to get my mother to stop being so overprotective as she does know that I am fully able to take care of myself since I already travel alone, already have a bachelor degree, already cook every meal that I eat myself, etc. I’m quite used to living alone and going about my life.
I don’t intend to give my mother tracking abilities on my phone because I believe that it is too much for me since I like a shred of privacy from my parents, but she is being very insistent as well with having neighbors’ phone numbers and such so she can always contact me.
I just don’t agree. She can wait for my answer on my phone. I mean I’ve had exams that were 8 hours long and what if she started freaking out during any period that I am simply preoccupied or asleep as in this instance. I think it is excessive, but maybe not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but also, tracking isn’t the issue here. Even if it was turned on and they could see you were at your residence, they still would have freaked at not being able to contact you. They could tell where your vehicle was so could assume you were home.
It’s you not answering them that prompted the “emergency” in their eyes. Look, as a parent it’s difficult when your kids finally escape from under your watchful eye but it’s something you HAVE to adjust to.” Mauinfinity-0805
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are never the jerk as an adult, not wanting someone else to track your location.
Sometimes, you need to give tough love back, otherwise you can never separate from them. I’ve got a high school friend, who now (mid 20’s) cannot go out on her own except to go to work. I can’t imagine this kind of restriction (for the most part she doesn’t mind because she has no partner).
I threatened my mother with no contact (and actually did go no contact when I first moved out of home suddenly) if she infringed too much. After the first time she called the police when I left home, the police called and had me show up at the police station (she then ambushed me and took me home).
The next time I left home, I called the police in advance and told them not to be alarmed if she called.” KittyKatWombat
Another User Comments:
“If your parents don’t fund you financially, then they need to make the (albeit difficult) emotional journey to detach from you.
There is a process that successful parents make where they move themselves from a “manager” mindset to an “on-call consultant” mindset. Making the change from being a parent of a minor-child to an adult-child in your head is hard, and for mothers who subsumed their own identities into being “mother” rather than “Jane,” it involves both grieving and self-re-discovery.
Your role in this is to be firm, unapologetic, and consistent in behaving as an adult. That involves calmly saying NO without anger and without explanation beyond “I’m an adult and I’m not doing that” (only at the beginning and only if necessary.
You can claim your adult status without hating your parents. It’s a process that you have a part in, and it takes a while. Ntj” HappySummerBreeze
2. AITJ For Considering Skipping My Sister's Birthday After Feeling Disappointed About My Own?
“I recently turned 25, and my birthday did not go as I expected it to. Personally, it was a big deal since I viewed it as a milestone, and wanted it to be special. My mom wanted to invite the family out to lunch, which was very kind of her, but she had her vision in mind and did not take into consideration what I wanted. Now my sister’s 21st birthday is coming up, and her birthday will be more extravagant.
I am considering not going since I am still upset over how my birthday went. I am not thinking of skipping to punish my sister or because I am upset at her. I also felt like my birthday wasn’t that important to people, which added to my being disappointed. My relationship with both my mother and my sister is really good, but I don’t think that she feels that I must attend either.
I have moved back home to my single mom’s (48F) house since my long-term relationship ended. The breakup happened about 7 months ago. I’m also dealing with mental health issues which is probably playing a part in how I’m feeling about all of this.
My birthday was on a Friday, and I wanted to celebrate it on the same day if possible.
Everyone involved was technically free that day but my mom and her partner were going to a party on Thursday, and in case of her partner getting a hangover, they decided that celebrating on Saturday would be better. Even though I felt like it wasn’t ideal – which I told my mom and discussed it with her twice, I agreed to it.
It wasn’t that big of a deal.
My mom had also picked out a place and wanted to invite us all to lunch. I gave some other suggestions on places I wanted to go, but at the end of the day, she was treating everyone so I thought that I could let her decide.
Later on, everyone was too full to have dessert, so we skipped that part. There was no cake or anything and the other guests went home right after giving me my gifts (which I am very thankful for), but that was pretty much it. The whole “party” didn’t go the way I wanted, but I didn’t have much of a reason to complain.
I was slightly upset about there not being any cake or much of a celebration. My mom just went straight to her partner after lunch, so it’s not like we celebrated as a family, which I did tell her that I wanted to do.
To be fair to my mom – she did however buy a small cake a day or two before my birthday, but it wasn’t like a celebration or anything.
We just ate the cake, my brother took a piece and ran up to his room. I was upset since I wanted to eat together with my family and talk. When I brought it up, she said that she didn’t buy it only due to it being my birthday, but also because it was easter.
We don’t even celebrate easter. I did apologize for overreacting, and that was pretty much it.
My sister’s (20F) birthday is coming up soon, and she gets to pick the place. Later we will go to my mom’s partner’s and have cake/dessert there to continue celebrating.
The place she picked out is like 2-3x more expensive than the one we went to for my birthday, and my mom let her pick a place instead of choosing one for her. It also sounds like it will be a bigger deal than my lunch gathering, which makes me upset, and feels like she is being prioritised.
If our birthdays were on the same level then I wouldn’t be upset at all. But it feels like my sister is getting better treatment than what I did.”
Another User Comments:
“I feel for you AND I’m wondering if there’s a chance your sister communicated to your mom about what she wanted more than you did?
Sometimes it seems like others are getting more than we did/are and we automatically assume it’s because they are more loved than we are, when in reality it’s because they’ve made more demands/made their wishes clearer. I know this happens to me a lot.
I won’t vocalize my wishes and so no one knows what is important to me. I expect people to read my mind and it rarely works in my favor. I agree with another comment that said your problem is with your mom, not your sister.” insomnia1144
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Happy belated birthday. I’m sorry you were disappointed. You have the right to feel any way you want. But in my opinion, since you are an adult you need to stop expecting people to do things for you. When they choose to do something be grateful for it and move on.
Adulting is boring at best. Also, even though you feel 25 is a milestone many people won’t.” Echo10000
Another User Comments:
“I was confused reading this whole thing because it felt like something written by a 16-year-old. You’re 25. Most people at that age plan something themselves.
They say what they want. “I’d prefer to have dinner here. Can we get a cake for the party?” Or, better yet, if you’re paying, you just choose everything you want. It’s not wrong to want something fun with your family, but it is strange to sit back and do nothing for your birthday but then be upset it’s not what you want at 25 years old.
I mean, do lunch with your family, and then go out dancing with your friends, or whatever. You’re an adult. Take more control over your life. YTJ gently.” crystallz2000
1. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Wake Me Up From The Couch No Matter What?
“I’m (34F) am a deep sleeper – maybe about once every 2 weeks or so I fall asleep on the couch watching tv. Once I’m out I’m out cold until my alarm wakes me up in the morning. I have asked my husband (36M) to please wake me up when this happens because I hate waking up in the morning knowing I’ve fallen asleep on the couch which sets off my day.
Even though I’ve slept through the night I’ve slept in a twisted position and sometimes my back/neck hurts which tends to lead to a headache or migraine. Usually, he successfully wakes me up by just saying “Hey wake up let’s go to bed” and I go to bed. But on the rare occasion that I don’t he just leaves me there and goes to our bed to sleep.
AITJ for wanting him to do whatever it takes to wake me up? The last time it happened he said he tried to wake me up a few times but I shrugged him off so he went to bed. He asked what I expect him to do if I don’t wake up and I told him to try harder, nudge me, or physically move me into a sitting position so that I can wake up.
He says that’s ridiculous. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. When you have to wake someone who won’t wake up after a couple of attempts, it becomes frustrating, and having to keep trying makes it likely that he’ll get irritated to the point it will make it hard for him to get to sleep.
Maybe set an alarm on your phone or smart watch that goes off about 5 minutes before your normal bedtime so that, if you do happen to fall asleep on the couch, it will go off and wake you up but would do so early enough that it wouldn’t disrupt your sleep if you don’t.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Falling asleep on the couch and sleeping there all night is a “you” problem, but you’re trying to make it your husband’s problem. It’s not his responsibility to trundle you off to bed every night like you’re a toddler. Set an alarm on your phone — 10 or 11 or midnight or 1 or whatever time you want to be in bed. If you’re sleeping through that time on the couch, the alarm will go off and wake you.
If you wake up on your own to go to bed, then you simply turn the alarm off on your way to bed. Problem solved without making another human being responsible for your adulting.” BogBabe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Set yourself an alarm at whatever time you need to get yourself to bed. Asking him to make a reasonable effort is one thing, and that’s fine.
2 times “Honey, c’mon, time to go to bed ” and a healthy shoulder shake? Not too much to ask. Insisting that he do “whatever it takes”, even if the frustration & the physical exertion of actively manhandling you affect HIS sleep is not fine. This is a “you” problem.
Solve it or live with it.” rapt2right
