People Express Their Concerns About Their Worrisome "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For Not Giving My Father My Kidney?
“My dad was diagnosed with kidney failure about 20 years ago. It was really a hard time for my mom as my siblings and I were all still young at the time (2, 5, and 7 years old) but I remember her going through it taking him to the hospital, taking care of him, and working, struggling with no help.
It was a scary time for a while, my dad was on a permanent sick leave from work but luckily he got a donor and got better.
His recovery was brutal but he took his meds and became stable and from my perspective as a child, made a full recovery. He didn’t go back to work.
My mom struggled for years being the only parent provider she tried to make ends meet and give us everything we needed for school. My dad had a small pay phone business for extra income (not everyone had phones) which helped around the house. Naturally, everyone started having phones and he shut his doors and stayed at home.
He said he would go back to work, but the day never came.
My siblings and I don’t get along well with our father (I try to keep the peace being the eldest). He does not recognise us as individuals only children that he can talk down to and can be cruel. My father called me a failure several times and never believed in any of my endeavors.
After he was sick, he was no longer as present as a father (my sisters and brother have hardly any positive memories of the man) and let my mother do a lot of the parenting. So she went to work, cooked, cleaned, did homework, parenting all of it. My dad branded himself as someone we couldn’t ask for help from for anything.
He would get angry if we asked him for anything so we never did.
I hold a lot of resentment towards my father. For letting my mother struggle. He really mastered weaponized incompetence and used his illness as an excuse to not be there for his family. I say excuse because he recovered and yes taking meds but was happy to just sit at home and watch mom struggle.
Now his kidney is failing again and asked me for a kidney I said no. What if I need it I heard this could be hereditary. This isn’t my real reason. He was given a second chance when all his dialysis buddies didn’t make it. And he wasted it. He won’t dare ask my siblings he knows they’ll say no and won’t be as polite.”
35. AITJ For Commenting On My Daughter's Social Media Post?
“My daughter, Casey, has struggled with lying throughout her life. From little things like ‘I had Wendy’s for lunch’ when she had McDonald’s all the way up to big things like ‘I got into a fight at school’ when she didn’t. We started her in therapy when she was around 8 years old to try to get to the root of it.
Even she couldn’t see why she was lying. We tried 3 different therapists but they all seemed to think it was age appropriate. My husband and I focused on teaching her what lies cause, making sure she knew she could come to us with anything, etc. We’ve always been the type to let our kids make mistakes while knowing we’ll always be there with no judgment, just there to help them do better.
Things somewhat got better as she got older. There’d be the occasional small white lie but when we talked about it, she got better. When Casey came out as a lesbian at 16, we were supportive and treated her significant other as one of the family.
Issues arose when the lying began again and Casey became rather aggressive.
We took her back to therapy and she was diagnosed with BPD. She refused treatment. We did all we could to get her in, but she was diagnosed shortly before she turned 18 so there was very little we could do. After a really bad incident, we told her she either sought help (that we’d pay for) or she had to leave.
She chose to leave. A few years later, she finally agreed to accept help. She’s now 23 and doing a bit better.
Casey works as a DEI (diversity, equality, and inclusion) manager for a company. For Pride Month, the company showcased LGBTQ+ employees, sharing their stories. I was excited to read Casey’s when she shared it on social media.
My heart sank when I read it. Casey wrote that her parents were not at all supportive when she came out. She added that we had kicked her out of the house for a week after she told us, but took her back when we were ‘guilted into it’. I tried to reach out to Casey but she didn’t answer.
So many people in her social media comment section were apologizing for the ‘traumatizing’ experience she went through. They were attacking me and my husband. I finally commented that none of this was true and it was extremely hurtful to see this narrative spun.
Casey finally got back to me and said I need to remove my comment.
She said it’s just a way to get clicks. I said it’s a lie and she posted it so everyone can see, making us look bad. I shared how hurt I was that yet again, she was lying for attention. She then deleted my comment for me.
I made a post showing the various pride events we went to, pictures of her partner on vacation with us, even videos Casey took herself of the two of us discussing her journey, etc. I tagged Casey in it.
Some still back her up, but most have apologized to me. Her SO also finally called her out on it and said I’ve always been nothing but nice to her.
She is mad at me, saying I’m making her look bad and saying I don’t understand how stuff like this works. AITJ?”
34. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sit Next To My Stepfather's Family?
“I (M 14) am on vacation with my mom and stepfather and a bunch of his family. This is the second summer we have done this.
Last year I enjoyed the vacation but the flights sucked. I have a switch with lots of games on it. My mom made me share with my stepfather’s brother’s kids because they didn’t bring anything for entertainment.
They could have watched a movie or something on the screen on the seat. I got to be bored because they didn’t plan ahead.
So this year I planned ahead. My dad gives me an allowance so I can buy souvenirs and do my own thing. I asked him if he could upgrade my seat for me.
He looked it up and saw that it was on sort of an auction system. If there are better seats to be had then if you win your bid you get the seat. He checked with my mom and asked her if she was okay with it. She said she was. We put in $55 for an upgrade to Coach+ or something.
More legroom and closer to the front of the plane. I got it. It was great. I sat by the window up front instead of in a middle row in the back. And I had my own plug-in for charging my switch.
When we landed my stepfather said I was rude to not want to sit with the family.
I said that I had permission from my mom and dad to sit there.
Now he is arguing with my mom because he said that it should have been discussed with him since he paid for the original ticket. I think I made things worse when I said that no one discussed it with me when I was told to share my switch even though I bought it with my own money.
He is saying that I’m not allowed to upgrade my seat on the way home. AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Not Wanting To Contribute To My Wife's Parents' Assisted Living?
“My wife’s parents are at the point in their lives where they can no longer live by themselves. Their children decided the best place for them was an assisted living facility. They started to look into different facilities and admittedly, I didn’t help because I figured the 5 adult siblings could handle it and I was never close to my in-laws.
They found one that was perfect and my wife was very excited when she told me about it. I was less than thrilled when I found out our contribution would be roughly $3,000 upfront and then $5,000 a month.
I immediately questioned why it costs roughly $15,000 upfront fee and $25,000 a month for 2 people in an assisted living apartment.
I admit I sarcastically asked if their apartment was next door to Elon Musk’s parents. She then told me that we’re going to cover the lion’s share of the costs because we make more than her siblings. That was the beginning of a week of texts, phone, and in-person arguments. She argues that her siblings make less money combined than we do and some are single so it would impact them more thus it’s only fair we pay more.
She also argues that this facility is not the best or most expensive, it’s a mid-tier one with the best ratings.
According to her, anything lower has bad ratings and could put her parents’ safety in jeopardy. My argument is that there are 5 siblings so the costs should be divided equally between the 5 of them.
I also argued that if 5 people can’t afford that place, they need to lower their standards. That started a circular argument for hours between cost and safety. I couldn’t take it anymore and in the heat of the moment, I yelled, ‘We don’t make more than your brothers and sisters, I make more than all of you which is why you all want me to cover the cost for YOUR parents!’
That was the beginning of my nights sleeping in the guest bedroom. I know as a married couple I shouldn’t consider ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ income but realistically I do make more than all of them and I think it’s unfair to make me pay the largest portion.
What do you all think?”
32. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Husband Before Our Trips?
“I’ve been with my husband (35 m) since I (29 f) was 18. He went back to school for 8 years & I was the breadwinner (our parents helped us too).
He went back to give us a better life so I was happy to support him. It was a difficult time for him & made me want to step up even more. All this to say, he had no income & couldn’t plan trips for us.
In our 10 years, I’ve planned most if not all of our trips (he did at the beginning, around 9 years ago when he was working full-time).
I don’t mind though, I really enjoy planning trips and all that comes with it. It’s genuinely fun for me. I wish he would give a bit of input sometimes, but it’s okay, he’s always happy with my choices.
The hardest part is I struggle with feeling annoyed or unappreciated before our trips. There’s always tension on the day or on road trips.
Because I do all the planning, I have a set time I want to get somewhere. If I don’t push him to hurry, we never get there on time. We never do anyway, but one time we didn’t get to our spot til 7 pm, I feel it’s a waste of our day & hard-earned money.
Anyway, what gets me is he ALWAYS dilly-dallies the day of. He almost always decides that’s when he’s going to do that thing I asked him to do weeks ago. Or he HAS to clean something. Or he’s just scrolling his phone or playing video games. Things like that. It reads like he doesn’t care about the trip.
I try not to take it personally and keep our energy light by giving him gentle nudges at first, like ‘Hey babe, do you think we can still get there on time?’ Or ‘Can you please jump in the shower?’ etc. But honestly, then I just get annoyed when I don’t see a change in his behavior or he remains nonchalant – almost dismissive.
I put a lot of effort into these trips so we can have fond memories together. I think it’s so important when we’ve been together for so long. I try to make it fun AND romantic for us both. But why does he act like it’s a chore? He loads things into our vehicle and drives us there.
I even take care of a babysitter for our lizard. He rarely mentions our trips together but will go on and on about his trip to Australia as a 19-year-old.
Anyway, I usually get annoyed and that makes him annoyed and then the whole trip, or at least the ride there is just tense and hard for us.
I do feel unreasonable and crazy for being annoyed at him, he never actually does anything trashy except take his sweet time? I feel unseen and unheard and he feels I am being a bad partner.
Today the same thing happened. I planned a trip an hour away. He said he would do laundry and then shower, but he did a load and then just scrolled his phone.
I finished the laundry, packed our things, loaded the cooler & he still hadn’t showered. When I caught an attitude he told me ‘not to ruin another car trip’. We just acted like nothing happened because my sister was with us. But gosh. It sucks every time it happens.”
31. AITJ For Telling My Sister She's More Annoying Than My Kids?
“My parents wanted to take a family vacation over the summer and offered to subsidize everyone’s tickets, paying half for everyone. My sister was a pill about the trip from the very beginning, but we were still really excited to go.
Once there, we all tried to have a great time, but my sister was demanding and entitled the entire time. She was constantly asking me to go to adult-only activities with her when I either already had plans or didn’t think they sounded fun. Every time I turned her down she acted like I’d committed a grievous slight against her.
My sister wanted my husband and me, or just me, to go to a bar with her every night. That didn’t sound fun to us, but we did agree we would go with her one night. The night we went to the bar we got there a little after seven. Just before nine we both agreed we were tired and wanted to head back upstairs.
My sister was upset and said we promised to hang out with her. We said we did, but now we are tired. She said that was nonsense. She then griped that she didn’t even know why she came on the trip. Out of annoyance, I said I didn’t either, because she seemed determined not to have fun.
She said we were abandoning her to go check on our annoying kids. I snapped at her and said my kids collectively could never be as annoying as her no matter how hard they tried. She said I was the world’s worst sister and stormed off.
She refused to do a family excursion the next day that was already paid for and spent the rest of the trip moping.
My mom wants me to apologize, and even my husband says I went from zero to sixty. My dad says she will get over it if I just ignore her. I don’t know if I owe her an apology or not.”
30. AITJ For Making My Nephews Cry Over A Guitar?
“My son recently died. I have not moved his stuff other than keeping it clean.
I usually leave the door to his room closed.
I pick up and babysit my two nephews for around an hour on weekdays since their mom (my sister-in-law) gets off work too late to pick them up. They are 11 and 13. Usually, they are well-behaved and do their own thing or even sometimes help me with chores.
On Friday I was cooking a very pungent soup so I aired the whole house out by opening all the windows and doors. I should have left my son’s room closed in hindsight, but I think I opened it out of habit. When their mom went to pick up her kids, I went to get them and saw them messing around with my son’s guitar.
The older one was messing with the string screws while the younger one was plucking at the strings.
I admittedly freaked out a lot and I raised my voice at them, which I have never done. I said, ‘What are you doing? Drop that right now! What are you even doing in his room? Get out!
Never come in this room again!’ At that point they started crying, I pulled the guitar away, and their mother came in. She tried to mediate the situation and console them, but I told them all to get out of my house and they left. The guitar was thankfully okay and not scratched.
Their mom called me later to talk and apologized on their behalf, but told me that she thinks that we should all have a sit-down and apologize to each other.
She told me that I really scared her boys and that although she thought what I did was understandable, I overreacted in front of them. She told me that at the end of the day, they didn’t really do anything harmful and that they deserve an apology from me too.
I told her I did think that I overreacted but that I wasn’t sorry because they could’ve broken my son’s guitar.
She told me that it’s extremely cruel to ever raise your voice at children and that I should be the bigger person.
Was I the jerk for doing that?”
29. AITJ For Not Knowing That My Nephew Didn't Know About His Birthday Present?
“I am unmarried and do not have children so I don’t understand this situation from a parent’s standpoint. I have a niece, Kay (21), and a nephew, Joe (16).
My sister and her husband have spent the last few years (since the global crisis started) trying to get Kay sorted. By that I mean she has a lot of unexplained ailments. They’ve been seeing specialists, chiropractors, acupuncture, etc. To this day I’m still not entirely sure what is wrong. Kay posts on social media a lot about feeling fatigued, having migraines, weakness, and other symptoms along with her various appointments.
Personally, I worry this is being driven by attention because it has become her entire personality.
I try to help Kay when I can (I’ve taken her to a few appointments because she doesn’t drive) but I’ve tried to be present mostly for Joe who is overshadowed by all of this. Joe is a very simple young man and doesn’t ask for much but I can tell he wants some attention.
He makes this known by pushing himself in sports, getting the best grades, getting a job, and trying to be as independent as possible. He’s 16 but acts 20. It kind of sucks to watch.
For his birthday I bought two tickets to a football game and transferred them to my sister so that she or her husband could take him.
I told them that if they absolutely couldn’t then I would but they accepted the tickets.
Fast forward a couple weeks later and I see a post from my sister selling two football game tickets and they were very quickly bought. I confronted her and said those tickets were for Joe. Her response was they needed help covering new allergy testing for Kay and that’s what the money would be used for.
I took Joe to lunch yesterday and asked him how he was really doing. He was honest and said he doesn’t feel like an equal member of his family and I told him I see it too. I asked him why he agreed to sell his birthday tickets and learned he never did and never even knew anything about them.
I told him the sequence of events. He was quiet for a bit and then sighed and accepted it. To my surprise he must have said something to his parents because they called me for a conversation, accusing me of being a jerk and saying I hurt Joe’s feelings and that he was better off not knowing.
I disagree wholeheartedly but am open to other perspectives. AITJ?
And yes I am trying to buy new tickets for Joe.”
28. AITJ For Not Inviting A "Close Friend" To My Party?
“I (28 M) have a friend, let’s call her Sarah, whom I met through my wife (then partner) in college. We’ve always had a great friendship and have been there for her when she was constantly bullied in college.
My wife, Jane, has a close bond with Sarah over the years. We’ve spent countless evenings hanging out, celebrating birthdays, and even going on vacations together.
Here’s where the issue comes in. A while ago, Sarah got married. I was happy for her, of course, and I naturally assumed that my wife, Jane, would receive an invitation to the wedding.
However, the invitation never arrived although she discussed her wedding preps with Jane for quite a long while along with the games and events she wanted to have in the build-up to her wedding where all her friends would be included. Jane was really hurt by this, as she had always considered Sarah to be a close friend, and this omission seemed pretty odd.
Fast forward to now. I’m hosting a party to celebrate a milestone, and I’m putting together the guest list. When it came to inviting Sarah, I decided to exclude her from the list. Sarah claimed that she and Jane were close friends, yet Jane wasn’t important enough to be invited to her wedding. I wanted to convey that her actions hurt Jane’s feelings, and I wanted to stand up for my wife.
Jane was initially hurt by this whole situation and wasn’t sure if we should even remain friends with Sarah. However, she also felt a bit uneasy about me intentionally excluding Sarah from the party but I can be very petty when it comes to my wife.
Sarah was very upset and complained to all our friends because she assumed we would understand (whatever that meant) and let it go which was really not a good enough excuse.
Some of our mutual friends are divided on whether I’m in the right or the wrong. Some think it’s a bit extreme to not invite her based on a single incident, while others agree that there’s a principle at stake here – that if someone claims to be close, their actions should align with their words.
Jane is not happy with me on this but she’s not the type of person to confront anyone until absolutely necessary which annoys me because that means people tend to walk all over her.
So, AITJ for not inviting Sarah to my party because she didn’t invite my wife to her wedding despite claiming my wife is a close friend?
Did I handle this situation poorly?”
27. AITJ For Changing My Mind About My Friend's Stay?
“I have a friend that I’ve known for more than 30 years, although I haven’t seen her much in person during most of that time. She’s somewhat flaky and has had a rough life, although a lot of it has been through her own decisions. In the last couple of years, she’s ended up jobless, homeless, and living in her older car with her dog.
There’s a lot more to why she’s homeless, but it’s irrelevant to this. She got back into online school and is living off of student loans.
Last summer, with my husband’s encouragement, I invited her to come and stay in our spare room for a year while she finished school. She’s several states away. I told her she would just have to get any extras she wanted, but wouldn’t need to chip in on bills or food.
The big problem was getting down here with her old car. She immediately started talking about growing pot in our garden to make extra cash, I told her that she couldn’t do that, and that pot is illegal here, so she couldn’t have it at our house. That, and not letting her dog harass our elderly cats, were the only things I asked. She decided to stay where she was, for the time being.
She was planning to use part of her next student loan check to get a weekly rate room to stay in. Instead, she put a downpayment on an SUV at a sketchy car lot. She then drove here with no warning on Thanksgiving, not to move, but to visit for 4 days and to leave some of her belongings here for storage.
While here she sat in her car for hours, smoking huge amounts of pot, so much so that even though she never smoked in the house, it reeked of pot for weeks after she left. She also wouldn’t keep her dog under control and said it was a natural instinct for a dog to chase cats.
My cats stayed in hiding for days. She didn’t like any of the food we served, the room she was in, or our internet speed, because it slowed her online gaming. She insisted on buying steaks to cook, even though I argued with her that she should save the money. She was insulting to me and my husband in a ‘just kidding’ kind of way several times.
It was a remarkably stressful few days. She got back to her camping area, and within a few weeks the SUV got repossessed, and the lady whose yard it was asked her to leave. So she was back in her old car, apparently couch-surfing with people she knew. She hadn’t mentioned coming back here until a couple of days ago when she asked if she should try to get back down here.
I told her no. Now she’s posting pictures of snow around her car on social media, and talking about how she’s going to die from the cold. I feel terrible about her situation and I’m worried about her, but if her car actually manages to get this far, I know it’s for long-term, and she obviously isn’t going to go along with the two things I asked of her to stay here, as well as being the most stressful guest I’ve ever had.
AITJ for saying no?”
26. AITJ For Bringing Up My Brother's Dog's Death?
“I (19 F) have a Poodle Toy that had an accident days ago. She is very hyperactive, so she was jumping and hit her hind leg against the corner of the couch. My mother and I were scared, but in the end, it was nothing serious. In case you’re wondering, she’s fine and walks perfectly.
Only that day she was limping. We just gave her an analgesic that my veterinarian prescribed.
That day at night my brother (26 M) arrives from work. He is very playful with her, so I told him to be careful. He picks her up, and immediately changes his attitude, telling me that I must have dislocated her (it didn’t happen).
I told him that I didn’t do anything, that she was jumping and hit herself, but that there was no problem because we already gave her an analgesic.
He told me that it didn’t matter and that it was my fault because she was mine and anything that happened to her was only my fault.
So I replied, ‘Under that logic, your dog died because of you’.
To give context, my brother also had a Poodle that we had to put down last year. He developed a tumor in the t******e because my brother never wanted to spay him even when my mother offered to pay for it. My mother couldn’t bear to see him like this and took him to the vet assuming the costs of the exams and everything else.
He needed an operation, but his tests revealed some altered things that prevented him from being able to operate immediately, so he had to receive medication until he was regulated. He had to receive daily medication (intravenously). My brother only took it for two days. The others woke up late and said ‘It’s too late, I’ll take it tomorrow’ as an excuse.
Time passed and one day he woke up with a strong fever. I took him to the vet and they told us he was worse. He was on medication for a week (I took him to the vet those times, not my brother), but he could not recover and they told us that it was best to put him to sleep.
My brother wasn’t even there when we put him to sleep. I alone carried him to the vet so they could put him to sleep because keeping him in that state was already inhumane and painful.
Coming back to the story, my brother looks at me and says ‘No. That doesn’t apply to me.’ I told him that it did apply because it was his dog and everything that happened to him was his responsibility.
He just shook his head and didn’t speak to me for the rest of the night.
I don’t think I’m the jerk, but I don’t know if I was right to answer him like that. I know that my pet is my responsibility but it bothered me that he said it was my fault as if I had caused the accident.
So… AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Not Letting My Wife Take My Daughter To Her Home Country?
“We have a 10-month-old daughter, our first child. I was born and raised in the US while my wife’s family is from Asia.
After our daughter was born, my wife’s family had not had the chance to see her. My wife hasn’t seen her family in about 2 years as well. Except for her sister and brother who live in the same city as us, the rest of her family is in Asia.
She wanted to plan a trip to visit them with the baby. She wanted to leave around the end of April initially. Initially, I was 100% on board with it. We are not financially well off, so in order to pay for her trip I have been working close to 60 hours for the past 3 months. I was putting my money and actions where my mouth was.
Things got complicated when she wanted to celebrate our daughter’s first birthday away from me. She now wants to leave 1 week before her initial plan so our daughter can celebrate her birthday with her parents and family back home, while I would still be in the US. She also wanted to go for about 4 months.
I had multiple discussions with her. I explained to her that I wanted to be with my daughter for her 1st birthday. I also do not want to spend such a long time away from her. I want to watch my daughter grow up. I don’t want to miss her first moments. I cannot make this trip with her due to finances.
We both cannot afford to stop working at the same time. We are barely keeping afloat, especially with how expensive the trip will be. Her taking such a long time off work is also not financially feasible.
Her response was that I should come for a week with her, celebrate our daughter’s birthday, and then go back.
Her family lives on a remote island between Asia mainland and Australia. It’s a 2-day trip each way costing more than $4000 dollars in tickets. So her expectation is I travel for 4 days, stay for 3 days, and spend 4k rather than her delaying her trip by a week.
She is now calling me a controlling misogynic jerk who is not supportive of her.”
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be A Vegetarian?
“My (27 M) partner (28 F) and I have been together for 3 years, living together for 1. She announced a few months ago ‘We’re going to be vegetarians from now on.’ I flat out said, ‘You can be, I’m not going to be’ because I like meat far too much to give it up. She insisted that yes, we were, and I finally gave up arguing with her about it.
Now, since she does most of the cooking at home and we rarely go out for dinner, in practice it means we’re vegetarian at home. It doesn’t stop me from grabbing a burger at lunchtime when I’m at work, but I don’t bring that up to her. I’m not hiding it, but I’m not volunteering the information.
A week ago, she was going on a girl’s night out with her friends for the first time in a LONG time, and they were expecting to be very late. I told her to have a great time and I’d see her whenever she got home.
Here’s where I may be kind of the jerk.
She wasn’t going to be home so instead of eating what we had in the house, I stopped off at the butcher, got myself a really nice steak, and slapped it on the grill.
I was in the middle of enjoying it when she came home unexpectedly early because one of her friends wasn’t feeling well and they all decided to go again another night.
She saw the steak I was eating and started yelling at me for being a jerk and eating a steak when ‘we’re vegetarians!’ I told her that I had in no way agreed to be vegetarian and that I could eat a steak in my own home if I wanted to, especially when she wasn’t there.
I was mad because she was interrupting the dinner that I’d been looking forward to. She was REALLY unhappy with me and I ended up sleeping on the couch that night, and she’s been cold to me ever since.
In my mind, I didn’t do anything wrong, but she insists I’m a jerk for bringing steak into our house and eating it.
So what do you think? AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Adopting Our Late Best Friends' Son?
“My sister (35 f) and her husband (37 m) have been struggling with infertility since they got married 12 years ago. They’ve tried absolutely everything, from medical to spiritual, but unfortunately, nothing works. Now that she’s approaching her late 30s, they’re starting to look into adoption, but it’s also been slow going since their financial condition isn’t exactly stable from multiple rounds of fertility treatments they went through.
I can only imagine the struggle, and I sympathize with her, but the stress this situation is bringing her and her husband honestly puts a strain on our relationship.
My husband and I (both 30) lost our best friends, Mason, and his wife, Kate, two weeks ago in a horrible car accident. They left behind their son Pete, who isn’t even two yet.
It was so sudden and so heart-wrenching. We’re still grieving, which lowers our contact with a lot of people, including my sister and BIL. Our main concern right now is ourselves and Pete, whose custody has come to us because we’re both his godparents, actively engaged in Pete’s life since his birth and because Mason and Kate have neither left a Will nor have immediate living relatives who can take him in.
We’ve decided to adopt Pete as soon as we can stomach the process. My husband and I never planned on having kids, and even if we did, this is absolutely not the way we want to go about it. The situation is far from ideal, but we’re starting the adoption process yesterday, for Pete’s safety if nothing else.
We broke the news to our extended families and friends, letting them know that my husband and I wouldn’t be very available for a little longer because of this.
I know my sister and BIL will have something to say about this. I’m prepared for a few heated text messages or voicemails. However, I didn’t expect them to turn up on our doorstep, crying about how ‘unfair’ it is that we were given everything they wanted, and how we didn’t deserve to be parents because we didn’t go through what they had to.
I’ve never seen my husband so angry before. He’s usually very mild and gentle, but recent events have stretched our patience to the limits. We kicked them off of our porch, and I told my sister before she left that since our pain inconveniences her so much, I wouldn’t have her around me and my family at all anymore.
I know she made a fuss about it, and now everyone has something to say to us. We turned off our phones, so we don’t know which ones are cursing us and which ones aren’t. I know some did/are. My husband and I are both in pain and grieving, and we can’t trust ourselves to be objective.
Did we go too far?”
22. AITJ For Hating My Stepfather's Partner And Not Considering Her Family?
“So basically my stepdad is an abusive piece of work who I was raised by for a good portion of my life. My mom died when I was 15 and immediately after, he got a new partner who he met through WhatsApp, and she moved to the country to be with him.
She moved into our house and she was nice at first, but slowly ended up turning into the female version of my stepdad.
When I was 19, I finally moved out and cut all ties with the family. We briefly talk to each other maybe once a year to discuss external family matters, but I have not had a casual conversation with them since I moved out and I never planned to.
Last week, I went to the grocery store (I was traveling through town so I ended up going to a different location than usual), where I saw my stepdad’s partner working there. Well, she saw me first. She walked up to me and started a friendly conversation saying how she missed me and everything. She was also very pregnant, assumingly with my stepdad’s child.
I tried to keep the convo short but when I walked away, she started talking to me again about how I was going to have a new sibling soon and how I should come back/reestablish ties so I could meet my new brother or something similar to that.
I was really surprised, and I didn’t even know if I should consider their baby as my ‘sibling’ because I’m not related to them by b***d at all.
I said, ‘Maybe one of these days,’ and started to segue into exiting. However, that apparently wasn’t a good answer to her, as she interrupted me and asked, ‘What is that supposed to mean?’
I didn’t really mean anything by it, I just don’t know if I’ll ever visit them and see their baby.
It was honestly kind of a truthful answer. But some back and forth happened, and eventually, she started expressing how she was ‘So sad that I don’t consider her to be my real family.’ For some reason, that really ticked me off so I said, ‘Why would I consider a mail-to-order bride as my family?’
I could have stopped there but I didn’t, I just went on about how she started going out with my dad RIGHT after my mom passed away, and how she probably came to the country for my stepdad’s money and probably for a green card, and a BUNCH of other crap she’s done and about her familial/personal life.
We got into a LOUD argument right then and there in the middle of the produce section, and eventually her manager came over and I was asked to leave which I happily did.
Well, recently my stepdad called me telling me what I did was COMPLETELY out of line, how I absolutely humiliated her in front of all her coworkers, and how I NEEDED to apologize to her.
I hung up on him and he tried calling me several more times but I’ve denied all of them. My uncle, who usually has my back, however, reached out to me and told me pretty much the same thing, about how what I did was crossing the line. AITJ here?”
21. AITJ For Treating My Sister's Dog And Another Sister's Baby Differently?
“I (32 m) live across the country from the rest of my family.
My older sister is Nina (36) and my younger sister is Jen (25).
Last month, Nina gave birth to her first child. When she went into labor, I booked the first ticket across the country to meet her new son.
I took a week off work and spent the entire time helping her out where I could, catching up with family, and looking for any excuse to hold her new baby.
During this time, Jen was becoming visibly frustrated with the attention the baby was getting, and she went full passive-aggressive mode on me for the last few days of the trip. On the last day, I gave Nina $5,000 for the baby to use as she wished. I know she and her husband aren’t in the greatest situation financially, and she would never ask me for money, but I was happy to give it to her.
A week later, I suddenly got a message directing me to Jen’s Twitter. I ignored it at first because I don’t use Twitter. Then I got a Skype message from her with a picture of a new puppy. I told her the dog was super cute and asked where she got it. Apparently, she had ‘saved’ it from a local pound from euthanasia (absolute horsecrap by the way; that puppy could be an addict and someone would adopt it).
I congratulated her on her new dog and figured that was that.
During the next week, Jen kept getting more and more persistent about when I would visit again to see her new dog. I told her I wouldn’t be doing so, and so Jen linked me to her Amazon wishlist for new dog necessities.
Since she doesn’t work, it’s not really any surprise that she would ask for someone to buy her things for her dog. I ignored it.
Finally, Jen snapped and sent me a really long message about how much attention I gave to Nina for ‘sleeping with someone’ (yuck, she’s my sister too you know), how her dog means just as much to her as Nina’s baby, and how I was such a jerk to give Nina $1,000.
Apparently, word got to her that I gave Nina money, but luckily she misunderstood and thought it was only $1,000. Thank God for that.
Jen is still refusing to talk to me and our mother even says the least I could do is buy her a leash, but I don’t want to encourage her behavior any further.
AITJ for sticking to my guns here?”
20. AITJ For Asking My Neighbors To Remove Their Trash From My Bin?
“I have lived here for a few years and generally get on with my neighbors but there are a few issues around noise and bins.
So we both have our own bins I have blue (plastic/paper and tins), brown (food and garden waste), purple (glass), and green (for everything else).
They have 2 big green bins and a big blue bin, they also had brown and purple bins but got rid of them as they wanted to use the space for a bike store.
So now they don’t have enough room for rubbish.
I have ample room and clean my bins after every empty as I hate smelly bins.
I had allowed them in the past to use my blue bin on collection day for paper/plastic as they had extra stuff and mine is only about a quarter full today I noticed they had filled it with general waste and lots of food (not meant to go in that bin) they also put in opened bags of peanuts (I’m very allergic to nuts) so I asked them to remove the food as they won’t pick up the bins if it’s the wrong things in them.
They said I was a jerk for asking them to take the rubbish out as it would smell their bins as the green one doesn’t get emptied for another week. I did offer them some food waste bags and put them into my brown bin as they don’t have one but they flat-out refused.
I ended up having to get my partner to come to mine to remove it as I can’t risk touching the peanuts. Even with gloves on it would make me too close to them.
I thought about a lock but they never put anything in the bins till it’s the pickup day.
I honestly don’t think I’m the jerk as I’ve been letting them use my extra space since I moved in.”
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Accommodate My Husband's Friend?
“My (24 F) husband’s (26 M) friend (25 M, let’s call him A) has been having some… problems with his wife (B, 22 F). To be honest, they don’t seem like they’re gonna last, but they’re both trying to resolve the issues.
They do not want to jump straight to divorce.
For context, I am 10 weeks pregnant with twins. A’s wife is 24 weeks pregnant with a single baby. A’s wife has had a very easy pregnancy, while I have been extremely sick, I have been hospitalized twice and I am on the strongest medication I can be.
I’m surviving, but barely.
A and B have two children already (6 M and 5 F), who will be coming with A if he comes to stay. They also have 4 dogs.
My husband and I have not had any support from A and B at all while I have been in the hospital. Barely even a text, most days, yet B expects me to text every day, and if I don’t, she will grow increasingly aggravated with me, saying I don’t care about her or her children.
B works an extremely flexible job, around 2 to 3 days a week, I am (at the moment) working 7 days a week to get my business up and running before maternity leave. Bad timing? Yes. But my husband and I are making it work for the sake of the twins.
Enough context, onto the issue at hand.
I texted B this morning, and she said that as we are ‘supposed to be’ their friends, we should have A stay for the weekend to allow them some room to breathe and take some space. I felt like I couldn’t say no, as B was saying I had always hated A, and that if I was being truthful in not hating A, I would open up my home to him and help them ‘save their marriage’.
The thing is, I’m exhausted. I wanted a couple of evenings with my husband to relax, and to just sleep, to be honest. But I know that his coming to stay means a weekend of them going out and partying, leaving me to do all of the housework, take sole charge of the children, and be responsible for the dogs, etc. I’m tired. I don’t want to do this.
But B persisted that, if I loved their children and wanted them to grow up with two parents who were together, I would let A come and stay.
B would not relent, saying I would be responsible for their breakup, that A would think I hate him and ‘god knows what will happen if he’s left alone this weekendd’, and that if I said no, she would tell all of our mutual friends that I wanted them to break up.
My husband has said it would ‘look bad’ if I turned around and said no now, that it would ‘make it seem like I do hate him’, and that we really should have him stay.
So now I’m facing a weekend of work, sole childcare, becoming a doggy daycare, and taking care of two hungover, grown men, all while trying to keep my head above water with regard to the sickness and exhaustion that comes from the first trimester, let alone with twins.
I know that so, so many people have it way worse, that some women are single mothers and have to cope with all of this alone. But I’m exhausted.
So, AITJ for not wanting to have my husband’s friend stay with us for the weekend?”
18. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister-In-Law From Our Mother's Day Party?
“For Mother’s Day this year, we decided to have a family party for my husband’s mother because it’s also her 70th next week.
My husband’s brother who lives out of state sort of invited himself/his wife/their 3 kids to stay at our house Wed-Sun for the Sunday party to give our kids a chance to ‘bond’ and then fly home Sunday night.
I’m a stay-at-home mom to our 4 kids, but we also have a full-time housekeeper/nanny Zara.
My husband works very long hours and when he’s home we’d prefer he focus on being a dad so between me and Zara we try to cover everything else.
Between hosting 5 guests, prepping for the party, and my older 2 kids having some big events this week, it’s a been really stressful week. Zara has been hugely helpful at things like prepping guest beds, putting together some nice meals since we have guests, getting the house ready for the party, and keeping an eye on the kids while I run around getting decorations, gifts, and food.
She had Sunday off but Sunday morning I actually brought in another nanny we’ve used on date nights because I had multiple errands including taking my MIL to get her hair done.
So we’re at the party on Sunday afternoon. We had little gift bags for each mom. SIL piped up that really Zara should have one as well.
Seeing our confusion, she said, ‘Well from what I’ve seen, she’s spending more time with the kids than you haha, you’re barely with them.’ I said, ‘Well I’ve been busy getting ready for this party and hosting guests.’ She said, ‘Still some of us manage to get things like that done without a nanny and a backup nanny haha.
WE’VE really enjoyed spending time with our kids this weekend.’ BIL chuckled but everyone else just stared at her until someone changed the subject.
I was STEAMING MAD the more I thought about it, it distracted me the rest of the party. SIL could tell but laughed it off, even making another off-hand remark about my free time.
The moment the last other guest had left, I said I was sure the 5 of them were eager to go to the airport and beat traffic so I’d already called a car for them in 30 min. SIL said, ‘Our flight isn’t for 6 hours, we’re fine!’ so I said, ‘With traffic, you never know and we have a lot of cleaning up to do so I think we’re done with guests’ and then (nicely) called upstairs to their kids to get their stuff together (they were mostly already packed anyway).
BIL said, ‘Well we’re clearly not welcome’ and I didn’t respond.
SIL said I didn’t need to get all bent out of shape over them pointing out my privilege, and I was feeling very Done so I said yes, and what a privilege it’s been to have you all here as well. The meanest part was even though a regular car would have been cheaper/faster for 5 people, I got them one of those group shuttles that take longer.
And even still they got to the airport 4.5 hours early. I do think I was right to be mad but maybe marooning their family at the airport was taking it too far.”
17. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Husband When He Peed On My Plants?
“I (32 f) started getting into gardening 9 months ago, I’d planted some of my personal favorite plans in the backyard and they’d been taking time and effort to grow.
I love taking care of them and it’s become part of my routine.
My husband doesn’t like it, and has made some comments about me wasting time on those plants instead of working (I already have an office job) or taking care of the house (I do 90% of chores). I didn’t pay much attention to him because I too nag him about spending so much time playing video games, at least gardening has benefits.
Yesterday I was at work and when I came home to check on my plants I started noticing a really strong smell of pee. My plants looked like they had a dog pee on them or something but it was strange because we don’t have dogs nor does the neighbor have dogs. I went inside the house and asked my husband about the smell of pee, he nonchalantly said that the toilet was ‘clogged’ but didn’t have time to get it fixed then he needed to pee so he rushed to the backyard and did it.
I was shocked I blew up saying he peed on my plants but he said he wasn’t paying attention to where he was peeing because he really needed to go. I unloaded on him and said I put money, time, and effort into taking care of my plants and now they smelled like pee and were probably damaged. He lashed back saying it was not a huge deal for me to blow up like that and accused me of wanting him sick from holding it in rather than getting my ‘precious’ plants wet.
I felt disgusted I couldn’t even come near them. He left in the evening to see his dad and get him involved in the argument. His dad told me to let it go and that I really overreacted because the plants were okay but I really felt the disrespect with what he did.”
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Mother-In-Law And My Husband's Ex Into My Home?
“My (27 F) husband (32 M) divorced his ex (36 F) ‘Elise’ 4 years ago.
They share 6-year-old twins.
My MIL is still hung up on Elise as her daughter-in-law. For some information there was no third party or anything, my husband divorced her because she ‘decided’ she didn’t want to work anymore after her maternity leave and my husband had to provide for all of them, he didn’t like it and it ended their marriage.
Elise is the one paying child support tho, because my husband and I have the twins more than her. My MIL is always asking me to include her as ‘the mother of her grandchildren’, as ‘My husband’s first love’, that she’s ‘alone in this city’, and that all she does is work but both my husband and I refuse.
Recently, my husband just got a big promotion and is finally landing in the position of his dreams, I was so happy and proud of him so I decided to host a small party with family (MIL, BIL, and his family, the lovely twins and some cousins) as well as friends. I did warn MIL that Elise was not invited and that if she dared to show up, I wasn’t going to open the door.
Well my MIL had de audacity to show up with her as her ‘plus one’ since FIL is not here anymore. I said this wasn’t a wedding so they aren’t ‘plus ones’ so I turned to Elise and said she should leave, but my MIL tried to walk past me and said ‘Nonsense, we are already here, move girl’.
But I said no and I stood my ground, my Mil tried to play the ‘this was her house’ card, but I just said it’s mine now and she’s not allowed in. She said ‘If she’s not allowed then I won’t come either’ and I was like ‘kay’ and closed the door.
When going back to the kitchen my husband asked who it was I told him it was his mother and Elise.
My BIL was like ‘Did you close the door on my mother’ and I said yes again. She demands I open it, that I’m a ‘nobody’, that it’s not my call and I say that he’s allowed to leave with her if he doesn’t like it and he does. My husband doesn’t get mad and still enjoys the evening with the rest of his family and friends but my MIL and BIL said I crossed a major line and that this won’t go unforgiven.”
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner's Lie In Front Of His Doctor?
“My partner (25 M) has a family history of skin cancer and both his dad and uncle had lots of basal cell carcinoma removed and his aunt had full-blown melanoma but she is okay now. He is a ginger and very light-skinned and doesn’t tan at all he turns into a tomato with any sunlight exposure but he refuses to wear sunscreen.
The 2 reasons he’s given are that he doesn’t like the feeling and it’s girly. I think it’s ridiculous I wear sunscreen every day and I’m not even as at risk as him.
He walks around on vacation with no sunscreen and gets second-degree burns at least once or twice a year.
It’s crazy how much pain he is willing to go through to avoid sunscreen. I tried to buy him Korean and Japanese sunscreens because that is what I use on my face but he says it’s a girl’s sunscreen and refuses to put it on. I also got him ‘manly’ sunscreens like Jack Black but then he complains it’s too greasy.
He also uses one bar of soap on his whole body and head despite having dandruff and refuses to use moisturizer even when his legs are almost peeling in the winter.
I’ve since given up and assumed he would get skin cancer and hopefully that would wake him up. Well, he did his yearly dermatologist trip and they found basal cell carcinoma on his arm and he had to get it cut off.
Thankfully it wasn’t very invasive but the doctor asked him in the follow-up if he wore sunscreen and he said every day.
I couldn’t help but snort and mutter ‘liar’ and she instantly was on him lecturing him about how dangerous it was for him to not use sunscreen and went on a rant about skin cancer mortality rates.
He was mad and yelled at me in the car saying it was his appointment and he could say whatever he wanted to the doctor. I told him he got cancer and he’s still so stubborn because he is more concerned about being a man than not getting cancer. We got into a massive fight over it and he was yelling ‘You have no right’ and stormed out.”
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Spend Time With My Sister?
“I (27 m) have a 6-year-old daughter Mia. My parents weren’t happy with me being a young dad raising a kid by myself and they became very distant from us. I have a younger sister (22 F).
No one in my family has ever shown my daughter much interest and she’s only really seen them on holidays, birthdays, or the occasional weekend.
My issue is that a year ago I bought my first house and my daughter was thrilled, my neighbors, Annie (37 F) and her wife Laura (40 F) have four kids and a massive farm, and they would always bring us fresh eggs, vegetables and baked goods.
When the global crisis ramped up in my country, I had to work longer hours.
I reached out to my family, trying to find someone to look after my daughter, but my parents refused, saying they were too old to be running around after a kid, which I understood and when I reached out to my sister, she scoffed at me saying it’s not her fault I wasn’t careful, which I thought was very rude and I called her out on it but she just hung up.
I asked Annie if she could watch her for a day while I tried and sort out something, she didn’t mind watching Mia while I was at work as Mia was the same age as her youngest and the girls had become great friends, I had become good friends with Annie at this point and was friendly with Laura, plus all their kids were adopted which means they had to pass multiple background checks so I trusted them.
My daughter loved it. She would do her online Zoom school at their house, do farm work with them, and play with the kids. Laura showed her how to knit and Annie taught her how to bake. Needless to say, she became very close with them and called them both Auntie. Which I thought was very sweet and was glad I had a bigger support system now.
This became an issue last week when Mia and I went to see my dad for his birthday and she couldn’t stop talking about how much fun she had with her Aunties. My sister looked at me and said very bluntly I thought you didn’t talk to (my ex’s) sisters. I explained I didn’t and that she was, in fact, talking about my neighbors, which made my sister scowl and tell my daughter that they weren’t her aunties and that only she was.
My dad then asked if was i interested in one of them. I explained that they are lesbians and married to each other which made him hit the roof, saying very homophobic slurs and not want them around his granddaughter as they would make her gay.
I took my daughter and left, but since then I’ve been getting calls multiple times a day from my sister asking me to let her babysit her.
I refused the first few times as I didn’t need a babysitter that day. But then she kept insisting, to the point it felt like she was begging me, this made me very uncomfortable as she had never shown an interest in my daughter before.
She said I was a jerk for not letting her spend time with her niece and I was destroying Mia’s relationship with her and our parents.
AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Ditching My Sister's Birthday For My Friend's Wedding?
“I (f 19) have recently gotten into an argument with my sister, her birthday was last weekend and she hosted a party for the whole family but I didn’t show up because it was the same day as my friend’s wedding and I thought that a wedding was more important than just another birthday.
For a little context, because I think this might be important, I have a big age gap with both of my sisters.
The eldest (whom I got into a fight with) just turned 32 and my other sister is 30. They went to college when I was still really young so we couldn’t spend much time together but we still loved each other, as I didn’t have any other siblings my age I became really close with friends. I have this one friend, Mary, who’s been my friend since middle school so we’re obviously very close and I consider her family.
She got married last weekend and I was a bridesmaid, obviously, I couldn’t just skip the wedding. I told my sister that we could celebrate a few days before or after her actual birthday but she was kinda ‘That’s my day, you can’t spend it with people who’s not family’ and got into an argument back then too (that happened like three months ago) but after a week or so we forgot about it, so I didn’t think anything and figure we would do something another day for her birthday.
Anyways, the day of the wedding came and as a bridesmaid, of course, I had to help my friend, when I checked my phone (after the ceremony, really the only time I had my phone on), I see a lot of messages from my sister/family asking me where I am and why I’m not there, also a lot of messages from my sister calling me a jerk and other names.
I decided to not deal with it at the moment (which was a bad idea) but called my sister the next morning.
She called me a lot of mean names and told me I always thought that just because I was the youngest I could do whatever I wanted and I never think of the consequences of my acts.
At that point, I was crying but she was still yelling at me. I tried to explain to her that I had to drive four hours from where I live to where she lives and I wouldn’t be able to make it back on time to help with the wedding, but she told me I should’ve quit being a bridesmaid maid when my friend told me the wedding would be the same day as her birthday.
She says she is angry because this is not the first time I skip family events and it seems like I don’t care about my family. I tried telling her that wasn’t the case but she hung up and hasn’t been answering my calls or texts.
I feel like I’ve let my whole family down so I might be wrong for this.”
12. AITJ For Making My Husband Work A Full-Time Job That He Hates?
“My husband (M 34) and I (F 35) have been together for 13 years, been through a lot emotionally (both my parents have passed away, etc.) – but specifically work-related, I’ve always maintained a full-time position, at home or shift work (I recently scored an awesome shift so my work-life balance yearly is equal) – I’ve been the ‘breadwinner’ as my husband has always bounced around, on and off work throughout the years.
Around 5 years ago, upon agreeing to me doing steady shift work, he wanted to no longer work so we could have fun and see each other on my days off. Also, he’s always been upfront that he does not want to be with someone who isn’t around so he’s always hated my line of work.
But at that time, we both agreed to see how it worked out.
Fast forward 5 years later and he hasn’t worked for that duration. He wanted to move to another place with a high cost of living cause of the milder winter, sure, I sold my house and we moved. Upon my acceptance of this new work position with the better work-life balance for me (and a slight pay cut) I asked him to get a job and support himself (he spends a fair bit on smoke monthly) at the very least to help offset the financial side for me.
I told him I wanted him to get a job or we were going to have to find an alternative living arrangement because I don’t want to have to pay his way in life, it’s not fair.
This has now become an ongoing argument with text comments (while I’m away at work) that he hates work, wants to quit, and has already attempted to quit 3 months in.
His whole motivation to not work during the summer is because that’s when he can enjoy his hobbies etc. but I don’t understand how he thinks he somehow deserves to be catered to. I feel like I’m resentful now, and I want an equal partner, who can plan for the future with instead of someone just saying they’re going to die young anyways.
I can sympathize with him disliking me working away, I get it, he’s lonely, but this isn’t anything new, I’ve been In the same industry the entire time. I thought by now he’d be content with it.
I feel conflicted because I do love him, but our work ethics are completely different.
He wants to just ‘get by’ as long as we are together physically, as I want to work hard, especially now while we are younger, so we can plan for an easier future.
AITJ for making him work?!”
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepdad And Stepsister At My Wedding?
“So I (26 M) am about to get married this fall and am running into family drama. So my parents are divorced. They got divorced when I was 16 due to my mom having an affair.
My mom then proceeded to move in with the guy she had an affair with and I refused to move with her. So I lived with my dad fully from the age of 16 on. My mom to her credit did try to keep our relationship but I was pretty much disgusted with her and refused to meet her partner (now husband).
I didn’t show up to their wedding and this caused a lot of tension. I don’t attend any holidays with them and I have met my stepsister (stepdad’s daughter) 1 time by accident. I’ve soft-ghosted my mom since college. Like I will respond if it’s an emergency but other than that I’ve kinda removed her from my life.
My dad remarried a few years ago to a wonderful woman named Debbie. Debbie was a family friend and I’ve known her a lot of my life. She and I have a great relationship. So as me and my fiancée Ashlee (25 F) we’re going over the details for the wedding. I had a few requests:
1. No stepdad or stepsister was to be invited. I don’t know these people and couldn’t care less.
2. My dad, Debbie, and mom will be sitting at the head table with my stepbro (Debbie’s son, 22 M) and Ashlee’s family.
3. Debbie’s son will be included in the wedding as an usher.
4. Since Debbie and my dad are helping me out with the wedding cost. I feel like it’s only appropriate to include Debbie in some way.
So we would do two mother/son dances. My mom going first then Debbie.
5. If my mom wants to throw a fit about any of this she can stay home too.
Well, my mom blew up when I told her all these things that would be happening. Claiming that my dad and Debbie put me up to this.
I said that wasn’t true. But since Debbie and dad were helping pay while she was not… she really didn’t have a leg to stand on. And that she can stay home if she is gonna be upset. Debbie can do the mom roll including the toast (family traditional for us that the parents give a toast).
Well, my fiancé (who has a difficult relationship with a parent) is getting on me. Saying that I’m putting my mom in a difficult spot with these requests. I said my mom put me in a difficult spot with her actions and I’m not about to make her life easier at this point.
And before you recommend the typical ‘therapy and sit down conversations’. Those have already happened and I’m in a good place with my thought process. I just frankly don’t care about my mom’s feelings or if she is uncomfortable coming alone. It really isn’t my issue. But my fiancé is saying I’m being a jerk and to show empathy.
AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Not Helping My Brother And His Family?
“I have an older brother (31) who lives on the other side of the country. He has a wife that my mother initially didn’t like because she thought his wife was taking him away from her.
My brother eventually moved out when I was in like 4-5th grade. I recently turned 23. My mom also has two autistic sons; one is in a group home and the other one lives with us, and he’s practically a baby that doesn’t know what’s going on. My piece of work father was giving us a hard time, and it’s been 5 years since he left us.
Ever since then, it’s been my mother and I. My mother worked every day with a part-time job for these past few years while I tried to finish college and find a job so my mom could retire.
I believe it was when I was in like 7th grade my brother started asking my mom for money.
He and his wife had 3 children altogether (my mother only saw them twice as she traveled to visit them whereas I never saw them once except through pictures. They are all mute/unable to talk for some reason) and were homeless for a part of their lives ever since moving states. Ever since then, she’s been sending funds because of the kids.
She’s even been using her savings to send them funds.
No matter how many speeches we give him, he always resorts back to asking for money almost every day. He works as a janitor at some amusement park 2 days a week and… no idea what the wife works as. It’s as if he doesn’t know how to turn his life around and has become accustomed to asking for money.
I even went out of my way to help him find a decent-paying job with a full-time shift for months. He couldn’t get anything.
Now this is the part where I feel as if I’m the jerk because of what I said to him:
I recently landed a job interview and the pay is pretty nice.
I have confidence that I might actually get the job and my mother was super excited for me. Then came my brother and his wife who heard the news and congratulated me. He joked that he could start asking me for money, to which I was quick to reply that I would never send him or his family any money.
I mentioned that I honestly don’t know him since it’s been a little over a decade since I’ve seen him, nor do I know his wife (who I only knew for months before they both moved out), nor his children, so I may not have the same emotional connection to them the same way my mom does.
I’ve always made the effort to call them and try to cheer them up and make conversation, but all I’m getting are short responses. Why would I help people I practically have no relationship with?
Then I said your kids… yeah they didn’t deserve any of this, but I just don’t know them, nor do I want the responsibility of taking care of two families at once.
I then gave him a single warning that he should imprint in his brain: if he asks, I’m saying no and probably block him and cutting ties altogether.”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Add My Mom To My Flight Benefits?
“For more than half my (28 F) life my mom gave up being a parent to me, my brother, and my sisters. She didn’t teach us how to drive.
Didn’t go to any extracurricular activities or teach us girls about puberty and what to expect with our bodies. We literally had to learn these things from school or friends. She was always mean and angry. We couldn’t ask to go anywhere and didn’t have a good upbringing. I am one of six kids.
My twin and I are basically the only 2 that have done something with our lives.
I currently work at an airline company and had to move up North. My mom was already living here so it was a no-brainer to move in with her. She lied about her living situation and I was forced to look for other accommodations.
But now she’s approved through section 8 for a 2-bedroom apartment. The condition is she has to have a live-in aid to get the 2br so I accepted to live with her. Otherwise, they would only put her in a 1BR apartment.
Now on to the situation. The airline I work for has strict rules when it comes to flight benefits.
You are responsible for anybody who I put on my flight list. The least that can happen is I lose this privilege and the worst that can happen is I get fired. Now I know my mom. She is a narcissist jerk. She is manipulative to get what she wants. She gets an attitude when she doesn’t get her way.
Right now she’s trying to manipulate me by bringing up what she did for us as kids, which she was obligated to do since we were kids. We didn’t birth ourselves. Now she’s trying to throw in my face that she’s letting me stay with her. It’s all about her.
She doesn’t even care that I can lose my job if she goes off at the airport. She thinks I’m just being mean. Truthfully I want to add her but the slight possibility of something going on with the flight annoys her and I’m responsible for scares me. I’d rather not add and won’t.
This is my livelihood. I just started this week and haven’t used my own benefits. This isn’t about her but she thinks it is. I’ll be moving out soon because she has always been like this. You can’t ask for nothing without returning the favor but this is a big request.
AITJ for not wanting to add her to my flight benefits?”
8. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister-In-Law During Family Dinner?
“My SIL (F 27) and I (F 26) don’t have a great relationship. I am autistic and SIL has histrionic personality disorder (both are diagnosed) big factor in why it escalated.
She had the habit of talking about a traumatic story that I confessed to her in front of my family.
It always resulted in me crying and her saying she didn’t understand, that she loves me etc… she would also talk about me behind my back to my brothers and other SIL. Never clear mean things, always things that make you wonder if is she mean or actually concerned about my difficulties. (difficulties always related to my autism)
I asked help from my therapist and did research on how to communicate my needs and limits… SIL would always be so lovely when others were around and I was convinced that she really didn’t want to hurt me. I understood that sometimes we don’t see that some of our behaviors can hurt others.
When we sat together to talk about it, SIL told me that she didn’t see a problem with her behavior, that she didn’t agree that it was hurtful, and would not say sorry.
I felt so bad… I tried so hard to do the right thing and felt like my difficulties were the reason why the more I tried, the worse it was getting…
I talked with my therapist and she explained SIL’s disorder. It made more sense that it would never get better because of it… so we decided that I would tell SIL that I didn’t want her to talk about me and start conversations with me at family dinners.
(Saying Hi or necessary stuff was okay)
My brother had to step in to convince SIL to accept since it was an easy limit to respect (we have a big family she can talk to other people).
Family dinner arrives. She had a hard time respecting my limit, it made me mad but I was able to manage it.
During the dinner, my family talked a lot to me since I hadn’t seen them in a while. SIL cut a conversation I was having to talk to me about one of my special interests and continued even when I stopped looking at her and was looking at my phone, insisting that I answer and asking why I was ignoring her, that she thought it was a subject I liked, that she didn’t want to hurt my feelings w that subject…
I snapped and told all my family everything she did/told me, the agreement we had. SIL said she didn’t understand, that she loved me and would never want to hurt me. So I took my phone and showed all the conversations. I then left.
My brother is mad at me for ruining the dinner and humiliating his partner in front of everybody… that it was just an innocent subject, that she didn’t deserve this because she loves me…
AITJ for snapping like that?”
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Come To My Mother-In-Law's Birthday Party?
“MIL had a birthday recently. Saturday her mom wanted to throw her a little family party. MIL and her mom have a super unstable relationship which might be relevant later. She invited a bunch of family from out of town, and I was skeptical because that didn’t even sound like something MIL would like.
GMIL kept dropping hints about how excited the family was to meet my son, and MIL eventually found out people only cared about meeting him and not her birthday.
MIL responded to this by saying she was no longer attending, and blocking her mom, me, and my husband, on everything, so I just assumed the party was off.
My husband has been panicking trying to get MIL to unblock him and trying to involve his sisters, but I’m staying out of it. I also received some nasty text calling me a pig witch, and I think that came from MIL’s new husband or her sister, or maybe one of the SILs. So Saturday was the day of the party, and I assumed it was canceled because we lost the birthday girl.
I was at home hanging out with my husband and son and got a frantic call from GMIL asking where we were and saying everyone was waiting. I was confused, and she explained the party was still on as she had already paid for it, and she thought we could celebrate without MIL. I said that was kind of weird, and she tried to guilt me about how everyone was waiting to meet my son.
I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable going to what was supposed to be MIL’s birthday party. She blew up on me and said I was selfish and ruining the party she put so much effort into, and being rude to extended family. I ultimately refused to go as we were already comfortable at home and it felt weird.”
6. AITJ For Giving My Friends A Last-Minute Notice About My Wedding?
“My partner (34 M) and I (31 F) decided yesterday morning to get married. Neither of us thinks of marriage as a huge milestone (we’ve been living together for five years and we have a one-year-old), but I got a job in another country and this will make paperwork easier. We decided to do it in two weeks: we’ll go to the courthouse, get married, and then have a little get-together in my parents’ backyard.
It will be an excuse for us to dress up and for me to get a pretty dress for our daughter.
I have a group of very close friends from school (we’re 5 girls), and two of them live abroad. I sent a message in our group chat right after talking to my partner, even before I told my family, and I assured them it wasn’t a big deal and no one needed to make travel plans or take time off work to come, we would have the chance to celebrate together another time.
Most of them got excited and congratulated me, and one of the girls who lives abroad asked the ones who could attend to take pictures, but the other one (the one who lives farthest away) was silent.
A few hours went by, I didn’t think much of it (she was probably sleeping and didn’t read the message, the time difference is huge) then at night I got a spontaneous call from her.
She never calls me without planning it first, so I got worried that something had happened.
Basically, she told me she was very hurt by the way we were doing this. I, again, reminded her it was not important at all, but she wouldn’t listen. She really wants to be here, and she felt that because I didn’t give them enough of a heads up, ‘She’s obviously not important enough for me to want her here’, otherwise I’d have done it with more time and made sure my friends could be by my side.
I’m the first one in our group to get married, and she always pictured us all together for these moments. She thought I didn’t care if she was here or not. She told me ‘You didn’t even call me, this is not group text news’. Of course, I’d want her here, and I get that marriage may be more of a big deal to her than it is to me, but she lives very far away and I didn’t plan this thinking about her.
Honestly, I didn’t even think about me, I thought about what was best for my family and our future plans.
I didn’t think what I did was selfish, but she’s pretty upset and I feel awful. So, AITJ?”
5. WIBTJ If I Don't Allow A Bridesmaid To Bring Her "Affair Partner" To My Wedding?
“My fiance (33 f) and I (33 m) have finally finalized plans for our wedding. It will be smaller by choice and hopefully, everything we are hoping for. We’ve invited only those we feel will be supportive and promote the loving environment we are hoping for (as well as those required by parents but that’s another story for another day).
My fiance has a bridesmaid who recently went through a breakup. She almost immediately got into another relationship which is fine, that’s her own right. But the last year or two of her last relationship (~10 years with children involved) she was involved in an ‘open’ relationship. I use quotation marks because I know they both were fairly disrespectful towards each other on their dates etc. Lots of back-and-forth squabbling over slights and disrespectful behavior.
Now this new relationship is with someone who she was developing feelings for during her last relationship but it wasn’t until her ex left that she basically within the week started the new relationship. I have my own issues with this because of the specific viewpoints I have regarding how they went about their ‘open’ relationship.
Mostly that when she started developing feelings for this other guy she should have made the call to end either relationship.
So basically WIBTJ for outright telling her that her plus 1 (that obviously was for her ex because we invited them as a couple) is retracted because my personal feeling is that this is basically her affair partner and I’d rather not have a guy I have never met before attending our wedding because I don’t think this helps the atmosphere we want at the wedding.
My fiance agrees but she fears the repercussions of telling one of her best friends that she’s not allowed to bring this guy as her date.”
4. AITJ For Not Liking How My Sister Treated My Sons During Our Visit?
“I (33 F) went to visit my dad during my kids’ spring break. My boys are Jake (10), Mark (8), and Parker (6).
My sister Delia (18) was also off.
This is the second time the boys have stayed + seen Delia in person.
I am just gonna list what happened, cause I had them say this was way too long.
1. I told the boys to ‘Say hello to Auntie Delia’ and she said, ‘No, call me Delia. Not Aunt.’
2. Delia moved the game systems into her room and told me ‘God no’ when I asked if they could borrow them. I said I would pay for anything broken. She said ‘Don’t ask again.’
3. Delia told dad she was going to Taco Bell. I said the boys would like something, I would pay for her food as well. She said ‘You have a car.’
4. She yelled at the boys for knocking on her door to ‘visit’ and to not use her bathroom. She locked the door to the upstairs to keep the kids away from her room (which is the only one up there.)
5. I asked if the boys could use her bathroom, she has the only tub. She said no.
6. The boys asked to see her kitten, and she told them ‘Have your mom buy you a kitten.’
7. I said ‘You are their aunt and they love you.’ She said ‘No you THINK I am their aunt.
I don’t want to be their aunt.’
8. She ended up talking to Dad and he suggested we take the boys to the beach for the rest of the trip. We ended up going to the beach for the rest of the trip, in a hotel, while Delia stayed home.
I tried to talk to Dad about what happened and he said Delia was upset about the last time the boys were here (destroyed a remote and erased gameplay) because I left them alone with her consoles.
I apologized and said I would pay for anything they broke. He said after they went home, Delia cried and said she didn’t want me to visit again with the kids.
AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Being Mad When My Online Best Friend Didn't Invite Me To Her Wedding?
“My friend (26 f) and I (27 f) have been friends since we were 18/17. We met online and bonded through blogs and everything. She lives halfway across the country and we never have met up.
She got engaged early last year and we were both freaking out about it. She called me screaming/crying when it happened and even told me I was the first person she thought to tell.
So, months go by and she’s planning the wedding and she’s asking me for advice because I helped plan my other friend’s wedding and was the maid of honor. Everything seems to be going pretty well, but then one day she mentions that she just put the invitations in the mail. I say ‘Yay I can’t wait to get mine!’ And she responds ‘LOL!’ I didn’t think anything of it at the moment because we frequently use that as a ,y’know, conversation ender.
About two weeks went by and I mentioned to her that my invite didn’t come. I told her this ‘My invite still hasn’t come (crying face emoji)’ and she said ‘LOL keep waiting’ so I did but it still didn’t come a week later. Finally, she realized I was actually expecting an invitation.
She said she didn’t understand why I would want to come because I don’t know any of her family.
I was really shocked because up until this point, I was really excited to be there for her big day and also thought it would be nice to have like a few days before the wedding where I’d steal her for a few hours and we could have like lunch and get like massages or something.
Just because I know she wouldn’t have time at the wedding or after and it would probably be nice to relieve a little stress from the wedding.
All in all, I have multiple texts where I’m saying ‘Ahh can’t wait to see you get married!’ ‘Can’t wait to finally meet up’ etc. all of which she says ‘Yes!
Same!’ Or some variation.
I brought this to her attention and I’ll be honest I was getting emotional, and she said ‘Well you can fly out but you can’t come to the wedding.’ I don’t know what it was, but that really annoyed me. Like she was dismissing me.
I said, ‘Oh wow, screw you’.
And that was a week ago. I haven’t heard from her since then. I do regret saying it but now I don’t know how to even express my feelings. It might seem childish but I was really looking forward to this. It just hurts that I thought she was excited for me to come, and she really wasn’t.
AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Sister?
“My (22 f) sister (27 f) and I had babies within two weeks of each other, and our sons are now 3 and 5 weeks old.
Her son is breastfed and mine is not. I needed to get surgery recently, and because my son’s father isn’t around, my sister and BIL offered to babysit my son while I was in the hospital (3 days total) free of charge.
When I came home today, I walked into my son on my sister’s chest, which I actually didn’t have an issue with to begin with because it was probably easier to breastfeed him than make bottles but she told me after she had thrown out all of the ‘garbage’ I was feeding him and she was going to pump+donate milk to him.
I was kind of in shock so I didn’t react straight away but I went to the bathroom and called the police on her. Apparently what she did wasn’t a crime, and the child is being fed so they couldn’t even do anything about it.
My sister then blew up at me, saying it was completely wrong of me to call the police on her when she was just trying to help, I told her she dumped 14 cans of formula without even consulting me and currently had nothing to replace it with, just plans to.
She now wants me to pay her for the babysitting she did but I told her I can’t even afford to replace the formula while I’m on maternity leave so I won’t be paying her for the babysitting.
She ended up storming out and blocked me on everything. Our parents were able to replace 2 of the cans she threw out but can’t do much else.
They also think I was a jerk for calling the police on her because getting a record could affect her government job and therefore my nephew. AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex's Husband Adopt My Son?
“I (40 m) have a 9-year-old son (Sam) with my ex (37 f) Sara. Sara and I were never married and for the first 2 years or so of Sam’s life, I saw him once a month or so for a few hours at a time.
Then my job and mental health tanked and I stepped away for a few years. I came back into Sam’s life when he was 5, but he didn’t remember me so it was like starting over again which was hard and made things worse for me and I couldn’t relate to Sam.
Since then, I’ve called Sam a handful of times a year and talked to him, most conversations are not very long and I send him small gifts on his birthday and Christmas.
I live about 30 minutes away but I don’t see Sam in person because of the emotional toll it takes on me. I’m also often jobless due to mental health issues and poor work history.
Last year Sara married some guy she’s been with since Sam was in kindergarten, Sam calls that guy Dad and me by my name.
Sara and her new guy are asking me to let him adopt Sam and make my son fully part of their family. They say between them that Sam will have all he needs. This could be true, between them, they clear 300k annually.
The issue is, I got a vasectomy when my ex was pregnant.
I did not want kids with her or anybody ever. Yet as I’ve gotten older, I think at some point I may be ready for a relationship with Sam in the future or if Sam has his own family someday. Letting Sara’s husband adopt my son could prevent that from ever happening, but they keep telling me I’ve already failed as a parent.
I think when I’m ready I can certainly make up for it, so I’m telling them no to adopting Sam and they are threatening me with court because I’ve been unreliable for so long and I’ve not paid child support since Sam was 2, but Sara has never pushed it and has always been able to support Sam herself so I feel she’s being unfair trying to take Sam away.
I’ve been advised to get a lawyer and fight Sara and her husband for stealing Sam, but Sara is kind of right that I’ve not been the kind of dad Sam needed.
Adding: I’ve informed Sara that once Sam turns 12 or 13 I’d like to start establishing a real custody routine where I have him maybe 1-2 nights a month and progress from there at my comfort level.
I’m overall not comfortable around children though that may someday change and interactions with Sam leave me anxious, depressed, and irritable. This is not my fault and I feel I’ve been doing my best while having Sara and hundreds of others tell me I’m not.”
