People Want Sage Advice On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
26. AITJ For Using Some Preowned Stuff In My Home?
“I’m a 28-year-old woman who recently purchased my first home. It needs some renovations but all in all, it’s in decent shape. When I moved in last week I found the previous owners had left behind some stuff namely a sofa, some curtains and a dining table and chairs. I contacted the previous owners to ensure they hadn’t forgotten it and they hadn’t they just didn’t have room for it in the van and told me to keep them if I wanted, a result in my opinion as it was all in very good condition.
I had the sofa and curtains professionally cleaned and took care of the table and chairs myself giving it a new varnish and it turned out pretty good. I had my partner of a year who is 29 round to check out the place and he liked how I was setting it up. He saw the sofa, dining table and chairs, and curtains and didn’t recognize them from my apartment so asked if I’d gotten new ones.
I explained how I’d come into them very pleased and told him how I’d gotten them cleaned etc.
He was immediately disgusted by this and asked me how I could use stuff someone else had owned commenting that who knew what kind of dirt was on it, I was confused but pointed out how I’d just told him it was professionally cleaned. He didn’t think that was good enough however and insisted that I dump it as that was disgusting and he couldn’t feel comfortable sitting on it.
I was annoyed at this point and told him it was clean and it wasn’t his business if I had some preowned furniture so long as it was clean enough to be sat on. He tried to insist he was just thinking of me and my health but it didn’t feel that way to me.
I asked him to just leave as I wasn’t in the mood to have company anymore.
He has been texting me insisting I’m overreacting and I really need to think about what he said. Am I maybe overreacting? I don’t see what the big deal is and for anyone wondering he isn’t phobic about germs if he was I’d be more understanding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
Your partner has issues. There is nothing wrong with continuing to use furniture that someone else has used. Surely he has sat on a sofa that other people have sat on before without throwing it out!
He is being ridiculous and you should be paying attention to how he spends money because it sounds as though he wastes it.
If your relationship progresses and you move in together, that could be a problem.
I’m financially comfortable and I have a second-hand sofa. When I lived in an area where most people were wealthy, someone was replacing it. It’s nicer than anything I would have bought new (I like to save money).
Ignore him. When you have a financial emergency and have the budget to deal with it because you haven’t wasted your funds unnecessarily, or when you can retire because you’ve saved money, you’ll be glad you’re sensible!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your partner is trying to steal the happy moment and achievement of your first home purchase and turn it into criticism. Don’t let him rain on your happy day like that. Keep the furniture and toss out the guy.” Left-Coach5781
25. AITJ For Offering To Be My Nephew's Guardian?
“My stepsister, Yas, passed away 4 years ago, leaving behind her son, Louis (now 11), and her husband, Tom. I made up my mind to be there for Louis any way I could, and although I don’t live close, I visited him every 6 weeks, even when I had just had my daughter, I checked in with him daily, etc.
Tom met his fiancée Ruby 8 months after Yas passed. Tom was lost without Yas, and he cut and pasted Ruby into his life quickly, and Louis hated it. Ruby came with three of her own kids, who moved into the house, suddenly Ruby was turning up at his school events and telling him what to do.
Tom felt like it was an adjustment and that eventually, Louis would let Ruby and her kids into his life. It never happened.
In the spring I started to get worried about Louis, so I convinced Tom to let him come and stay with me for the summer. When he arrived, he just looked miserable and burnt out, but I was shocked at how quickly he seemed to come back to life with a little time and fun.
The only time he gets upset is when his dad or Ruby calls or anyone mentions him going home.
Six days ago, he sat me and my husband down and asked if we would consider letting him live with us. He said living with us is the only time he’s felt happy since Yas.
It just shattered my heart into a million pieces. We had a long talk with him, and a long talk with Tom, and Tom had a long talk with Louis. I think that was the first time in a long time that Tom actually heard how unhappy Louis is, and he’s devastated. He said he would consider it, but I could see how hurt he was.
The night before last, I got a call from Ruby. She was howling down the phone that I was ruining Louis and Tom’s relationship. She said that by offering Louis a way out I have basically made it impossible for them to bond, that I’ve put them all in an impossible situation because if Tom says no Louis will hate him, and if Tom says yes Tom will resent her and her kids for being the reason Louis left. She said Louis had a chance to have a real family and that by taking him away just because it’s hard, I’m ruining that for him.
She said I was a meddling jerk out to steal Louis from the one parent he had left. I defended myself on the phone but once she hung up I cried.
I just want what’s best for Louis. When he arrived to stay with us, I didn’t even know a child could look that old.
Maybe my emotions made me cross a line. He already lost his mother, maybe he’s too young to really know what it means to cut off his dad like this and I should have tried harder to make him see that, or not given him a way out.
My parents and husband think we’re doing the right thing but a couple of friends I’ve spoken to have said that while families are hard, Louis might regret leaving his dad later in life when he grows up and they don’t have a bond.
I know this is complex but I guess I’m just wanting some perspective from people who aren’t as emotionally plugged into this as I am. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tom is the jerk for not punting Ruby and her kids and prioritizing his own son first. Jesus Christ this is the obvious answer, RUBY is the problem here!!!
I understand losing a spouse is soul-crushing, but Louis lost his mom too at such a young age. Never in a million years could I imagine being so heartbroken over my spouse’s demise that I would jeopardize hurting my child so badly or losing my relationship with them. In my opinion, it’s disgusting.” ilovesunsets93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Louis brought it up, not you, and you did the right thing by talking to Tom about it. It sounds possible that Ruby either knew this was an issue, or she didn’t but now feels like she should have, and resents that you actually addressed it when she knows she or Tom should have.
No matter what happens I hope someone looks into therapy or something to help Louis deal with all these changes in his life, it’s hard for kids who feel they have to pretend to be okay when they aren’t for the sake of the adults. I’m glad he has you and your husband as a safe space.” ReflectionSweet7222
24. AITJ For Posting The Video Of Me Dropping Off My Ex's Stuff At His New Partner's Place?
“My soon-to-be-ex and I had an amicable separation. At first. We were on the same page, the divorce was going along smoothly, etc. Out of the blue, he starts sending me nasty messages, telling me to hurry the divorce along, and just generally being weird.
He went from ‘the divorce is your choice but I’ll go along with it’ to ‘I want the divorce now you ugly, worthless beast’ in the span of two days. I gave him some space for a few days and then asked him if he was seeing someone. He dodged the question for a few hours and then reluctantly admitted that he had moved in with a woman that he had gone out with back in 2012.
I told him that I didn’t want this woman around our daughter because of her terrible reputation and history of substance use (one of the many reasons they broke up in 2012 along with her tendency to lie, harass, stalk, and just have an overall terrible temper). He said that was fine. I told him that I would like to drop the rest of his things off at her house.
He said that was fine.
Here’s where I may be a jerk. I contacted our local police about the drop off and they suggested that I record it for my safety. I did while informing everyone present that I was recording. I went home and stuck the video on YouTube so that I could clear up space on my phone.
It is private and can only be accessed with a direct link. I found out that she was telling people that I was a monster at the drop off so I sent the link to a few friends to clarify things. Well, it got back to her husband (I didn’t know that she was married; she said divorced) who had been told that my husband was ‘just a friend’ and definitely not living there while they had a ‘break’.
The video exposed them. Now this woman is blowing up and making threats.
I didn’t think that I did anything wrong but then one of my friends told me that I was definitely a jerk, that I knew what kind of unstable person she was, and that I was egging her on by posting the video and sharing the link.
So, AITJ for sharing the video?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your only responsibility is to maintain your own reputation and to defend yourself from the lies she is spreading.
It is not your fault that she is suffering from the fallout of her actions and your friend is a jerk for even thinking you were in the wrong.” PacifistWarFreak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is exactly why you were advised to record. As soon as it was all over, she immediately tried to slander you and make false accusations. She messed with the right one at the wrong time, and now she’s dealing with the consequences.” Vivid-Masterpiece-29
23. AITJ For Not Renting Out My Parking Spaces To My Neighbors?
“I (27F) am currently single. I purchased a nice big apartment in a quiet neighborhood a few years ago and along with it I also got 3 parking spaces (each for about 25k).
This is a lot of money but at the time I figured parking was crap and it was about to get worse in terms of availability.
That turned out to be true. I have two cars and my ex used to have one, so we used all three spaces. Recently we broke up and I started traveling a lot.
I let my baby cousin use one of my cars so I had 2 free parking spots. I offered them to my only neighbor which I like – she is engaged but has no children. I rented them both to her for $100 even though realistically rent should be 700-800$ (I checked prices are going crazy, one space rents for 300-400$).
The rest of our neighbors were not a favorite choice of mine because honestly, they suck. One of my parking spaces is kinda small and I have a big BMW which I parked in that spot one night. The next day they had parked in such a way that I was unable to move without crashing into someone.
When I asked them to move their cars and promised to just switch around parking spots so the issue doesn’t repeat, I got the answer ‘You are smart enough to leave your car there, you should be smart enough to get it out. Don’t you have a million cars? Go drive something else’.
I got them towed and they screamed their butt off so that was fun.
Suffice it to say we are not friends with the 4 families involved in this fiasco which is why my lovely neighbor, Sky, who even defended me got my parking spots.
People noticed Sky’s cars and only a few days later they made a building association meeting (something I had not been invited to in a year) and sat me down and let me know that the parking situation is unfair.
They said I have to put the parking spots up for the whole building and have a ‘rent auction’ for who will pay the most. They said they felt I was being unfair as they had kids and Sky didn’t.
I felt bad and talked it over with Sky. She agreed she and her fiancé could manage with one of the bigger parking spaces which barely fits two cars, the second blocking the first.
Well, they weren’t happy. Apparently, they all wanted this big parking space because it is in the shade and they can put slides and other contraptions for their kids to play in. I let them know this makes me uncomfortable as I will be back at some point and I do not want anyone to invest anything.
They called me selfish. I got upset and told one of the moms who was on my case about my lip fillers that kids are a choice and that does not make her special (she kept saying no wonder you are single/no wonder you don’t have kids). She called me a rich spoiled brat.
No one except Sky speaks with me anymore. Should I just give them the freaking parking spot they want? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You bought those parking spaces, they are yours. It’s not your fault they lacked the same foresight.
You could get one of those fisher price cars and leave it in your other spot as a direct ‘screw you’ to your entitled neighbors.
It sounds like them not speaking to you is a blessing.” blondeboomie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re spaces that you paid for. You can do whatever you want with them. If the building has an HOA I’d check the by-laws and CC&Rs in regards to renting out parking spaces. I’m all for giving back what people dish out.
It won’t always end well, but there’s absolutely no reason to put up with people’s nonsense. Screw them kids.” noggysoodles
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Cousin's Bridesmaid?
“My cousin (26F) and I (17F) were never very close. Mainly due to the age difference but also just because I felt like she was very jealous of me during childhood because she was married into the family with her mom and my uncle while I was the only biological niece/nephew/grandchild.
I always tried to get along with her and made sure to never treat her as if she wasn’t my family but it just didn’t work out.
She recently got engaged and began planning her wedding. She asked to meet up a few weeks ago and she asked me to be her bridesmaid.
I said yes at first and thought this was her way of telling me that she was ready to get closer to me. But unfortunately, after discussing her criteria for the bridesmaids, I had to decline.
I had 3 main reasons which were 1) she wanted me to spend over $7,000 on dresses and jewelry for JUST the ceremony, and another $1,000 for the reception.
2) she asked if she could borrow our grandmother’s necklace that she left for me before she passed, it’s worth just a little under $1,000 and is very important to me. This request was not THAT bad but my cousin is notorious for losing priceless items that could never be recovered. 3) she wanted me to cover my hair during the ceremony because she thought that my hair had always ‘looked so much healthier’.
I was okay with that, not a big deal. But she added that I could ‘pretend’ to be a hijabi so that people wouldn’t ask why my hair was covered. Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s disrespecting a religion/culture.
She got mad at me and said that she even cut down the costs from $11,000 to just $8,000.
I told her I was sorry and left. When I got home I was met with my aunt (her mother) who began yelling at me saying that my cousin had called her crying because I was her last resort as a bridesmaid because the only 2 friends she had, had rejected her due to some of the same reasons as I had.
So AITJ for rejecting her proposal?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
11,000 dollars to be a bridesmaid is insane! That’s a car. It’s absolutely bonkers that she thinks that’s a reasonable thing to ask! Is your family just that well off?
Tell your mum and grandma if they pay for everything and you get to wear the head covering of your choice (many cultures have traditional head coverings for women you should be able to find one from your religion/culture).
Otherwise you as a 17-year-old are priced out and no amount of histrionics is going to change that.
And do your best to hide your grandmother’s necklace!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. $8000 is A LOT of money (since I live in a 3rd world country, I have to work 10 months for that amount). Not even some brides spend that much amount on their own wedding dresses.
Crazy. 2. The necklace is not a big thing, but I get it. It’s your decision at the end. 3. Wearing a hijab disrespecting an entire religion??? What? You know what, I am SURE she is jealous of you and this is her way (or even a plan she made) to make you look bad in front of your family.
I wouldn’t even go to her wedding if she doesn’t treat you well and apologize.” argentinianmuffin
21. AITJ For Redoing My Niece's Inedible Cake?
“I was watching my 6-year-old niece while my sister took her baby to the doctor. We were talking about how her dad’s birthday is coming up. Niece said she wanted to make him a cake. I said that was a brilliant idea and gave her my tablet to look up a recipe.
She picked one and then started gathering ingredients in my kitchen with my little step stool. When I went to help her crack eggs she said ‘No. I’m making daddy’s cake all by myself.’ So I stepped back and just supervised for safety.
We put the cake in the oven. I told her I would put it in the fridge to cool when it was done and we would decorate it tomorrow.
She was very excited when her mom picked her up, and my sister was excited too when she heard about it.
Needless to say, the cake didn’t turn out good. Ingredients weren’t mixed properly. Proportions were wrong. I baked a new cake with the same recipe and pan. When she came over the next day, I presented the new cake as the one she had made, and she decorated it, again, which she wanted to do by herself.
But sloppy frosting tastes just as good as neat and is cuter anyway.
When sister arrived to pick up her daughter and the cake, she was thrilled. We both told her she was going to be a star baker one day, and niece was beaming. I was talking on the phone with my sister about the party tomorrow, and she mentioned how it’s incredible her daughter’s first attempt at baking turned out perfect.
I laughed and told her the truth, knowing that my sister would keep the secret from my niece or anyone who could tell her, because she’s the mom. I figured she would think the story was charming and something to tell niece when she’s an adult and star baker as a funny childhood anecdote.
My sister was livid and asked what I did with the actual cake.
I said I fed it to my dog because it wasn’t really edible. She cussed me out and hung up on me.
I can’t ask anyone in my social circle which of us is wrong, because I don’t want it getting back to my niece that she didn’t actually make the special cake. Am I missing something?
I wanted my niece to be confident and encourage her sense of independence. Did I cross a line here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your sister is a bit of an idiot if she thinks that her 6-year-old can make a perfect cake on her first attempt! I think her anger at you is due to her disappointment that she doesn’t have a prodigy child.
I would just keep my distance until she apologizes. For the future, just bear your sister’s reasoning ability in mind…” trialtestofreddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this could have been a secret between you & your sister. She is being overly dramatic. I personally would APPRECIATE the fact that you let my daughter make a cake on her own & you yourself realized it wasn’t edible so you made one that was.
(You even had her decorate it) So now we can all actually enjoy eating the cake while the face of that little girl glows! Imagine nobody ate the cake that she actually made. The little girl would be upset & probably never wanna bake again.” lisvs
20. AITJ For Getting My Daughter Into Therapy?
“My wife had her daughter with an ex but I adopted her when she was ten, she is now sixteen.
My daughter has been in online school for the past 2-ish years. Her activities closed down and since then she has been nervous about going to a new team, she’s stopped talking to a lot of friends that she had and is getting more introverted.
She and my wife have been arguing a lot, about fairly basic things, but my wife continues to escalate. She always grounds her, like she won’t be allowed to go to a family gathering coming up, and they pretty frequently won’t let her have a sleepover with her cousins, who are the only people she ever really hangs around in the last two years and the last thing she needs.
She hasn’t been social and went through a major change from face-to-face schooling to online.
She’s been vocal that she thinks she’s depressed and she feels anxiety when she goes out in public. She’s pleaded with me and my wife to get her help or a therapist. My wife says no, that she isn’t going to waste money on a therapist when she can ‘just go to church and pray’.
She also says that once she goes back to school her anxiety will be fixed. She said obviously everyone gets nervous but she just has anxiety because she is a loner now.
I just don’t think we should rely on something to be fixed out of nowhere and that’s 2 and a half months away. She is showing signs of depression, her room is a mess, she went from being a hygiene freak to barely being able to shower, she used to love getting her nails done, and she’s a huge girly girl but now I haven’t seen her do that in months no matter how many times I offer.
She has yet to have anything nice to say about herself, you can see her self-esteem going down by the day. She went from waking up at 7 to waking up at 10 to waking up at 12 to waking up at 3:00-4:00 PM.
But this is regardless of what anyone else thinks, it’s the fact that SHE feels that she is depressed SHE feels that she needs help,
I tried reasoning with her, I tried telling her I would pay myself if she didn’t want to, I tried asking her to be more sensitive with her instead of arguing, I tried asking her to try and spend more time with her and encourage her out the house and for girl time like nails or hair, etc. But to no avail.
I try to but I think she needs girl-on-girl time. I just couldn’t sit back and watch anymore. I put her in therapy and when I told her we could she hugged me and started crying.
She’s been going for a month, and slowly but surely, she’s making some great improvements. She’s started waking up earlier, going on walks, got a diary, she’s doing better with hygiene.
I think she’s feeling good and she has more motivation to keep that feeling.
My wife found out. She’s mad. I’m currently sleeping on the couch. She says that I ignored her authority as her bio parent and that I completely disrespected her wishes. She hasn’t talked to me for going on 2 weeks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you adopted her, you became an equal parent regardless of b***d, so for your wife to pull the ‘biology gives me more authority’ nonsense makes her a jerk. Refusing to get her daughter the therapy she needs and asks for makes her a jerk. Escalating disagreements and then grounding her for all of them makes her a jerk.
That means she is at least a triple jerk.
She is also a bad mother.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“1000% NTJ
Sounds like your wife needs therapy too.
Thank goodness you stepped up. All of these are signs of depression and your daughter was begging for help. Your wife is lucky you stepped in before something unthinkable happened. She should be sleeping in the doghouse.” AirlineNo6300
19. WIBTJ If I Don't Want My Sister In My Wedding Party?
“My fiancé and I are engaged and have been discussing potential wedding ideas with our families. One of my mom’s first questions was who the maid of honor was, and I informed her that I wasn’t planning to have one and instead would be having my two male best friends since childhood on my side of the party as ‘men of honor’.
My mom encouraged me to consider adding my only sister to the wedding party ‘for her’ (for what it’s worth, she is not financially contributing to the wedding). I kind of brushed this off but we don’t even have concrete wedding plans yet and she keeps bringing it up.
I do not want my sister in my wedding party because I feel like I was completely ignored in childhood due to my sister.
I felt invisible next to my sister and had very low self-esteem. Our entire lives revolved around my sister’s cheerleading and her drama with friends and boys. It was all that was talked about in our household. My parents paid 0 attention to me and were completely wrapped up and consumed by my sister’s life. As we got older into our later teen years, my sister had some drama with my father and has since become estranged from him.
At my grad school graduation, my sister refused to get in a family photo with my father and what was supposed to be my celebratory dinner after the ceremony ended before we even ordered anything because my father was crying in the restaurant over it.
My sister and I get along reasonably well as adults but we certainly aren’t close and I feel like I am still harboring a lot of mental trauma relating to my sister in the past, because of this I don’t want her in my wedding party.
I don’t want yet another day centered around her when it should be about me and my fiancé.
I’m really getting to a breaking point over it with my mom repeatedly bringing up wanting her in the wedding party. WIBTJ if I just bluntly brought up these examples and told her that the answer is no and she needs to stop bringing it up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting sister in the wedding party.
I wouldn’t bother with the reasoning. Mom’s not going to listen to criticism of the Golden Child from the Scape Goat. That always falls on deaf ears or gets flipped back onto the Scape Goat being an unreasonable jerk. Firm ‘No!’ is about all you’ll be able to get through to her.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I get this so much. The fact that your mom asked you to do it ‘for her’ is so telling. Letting her know the whys & how you feel is perfectly okay. It’s your wedding & life, therefore it’s you who gets the final say.
That being said, don’t expect her or your family to react well when facing the truth about their actions.
While it’d be nice if she/they could see what they did was wrong, that’s not a guarantee. Prepare yourself for the denial/blame/guilt train. Go in knowing what you’re going to say & the consequences of whatever you’re met with (what you’re prepared to do). Ask to speak uninterrupted & don’t raise your voice.
Remaining calm might be tough, but it will get your point across & leave no room for the ‘you’re just being xyz’ comments/excuses. Good luck, OP!” DearOP_
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Open My Aunt's Gift In Front Of Her?
“I (22F) came out as trans a few years ago and almost everyone in my family has been amazingly supportive. The only person who’s ever caused any problems has been my uncle’s wife, but even that has been more annoying than outright offensive.
She’s constantly saying things to try to offend or annoy me, but I never give her the satisfaction of riling me up.
Last Christmas, I opened up her present to find a copy of an incredibly transphobic ‘research’ book. The worst part? It was autographed by the author WITH MY DEADNAME. I was so shocked when I looked up and saw her smirking at me from across the room, I completely lost it.
I couldn’t stop myself from crying and ran to my room just to get away from her. I was devastated.
Since then I’ve had completely no contact with my aunt and uncle. My cousins have been contacting me telling me that they’re sorry for everything that happened and they’ve been trying to educate their parents and get them to apologize.
Certain family members were pushing me to forgive them so they could come to my birthday party and be with the family again.
Since she did eventually text me an apology, I reluctantly agreed that I’d let them come to my party if they promised 1. not to get me any presents AT ALL and 2. not to bring up what happened on Christmas.
They both agreed to those terms and I invited them.
Fast forward to the end of my party when I’m opening up the last few gifts. My aunt goes out to her car and brings back a present, telling me to open it and that she ‘didn’t want to ruin the surprise’ and wanted me to ‘save the best present for last’.
I just grabbed it and put it aside, telling her that I’d open it later. She spent the whole rest of the party pestering me about it and asking me why I hadn’t opened it yet, and I kept reiterating that I’d open it later. After they left, my cousins started texting me telling me that I had really upset their mom and I should’ve just opened the present because it was meant to be an apology to me.
I opened the gift after they left and inside it was a necklace handmade by my aunt along with a receipt for a donation to Stonewall charity. I wasn’t expecting anything like this and I was honestly taken aback. Ever since, my cousins have been calling me a jerk nonstop and I think I need some outside opinions.
AITJ for refusing to open my aunt’s present in front of her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt broke your trust. It is fair you did not want to open the present at the party. She wanted you to open the present in front of everyone so that she would get credit for doing something nice.
It sounds like she cares more about saving her own face than truly making it up to you. If she was truly sorry for hurting you she would have respected your wishes and not brought the present to the party and given it to you afterward in private.” Kmlee2773399
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She only wanted you to open it in front of everyone to get ‘Good Person Points’ because if it really was an apology gift to you, no one else ever needed to know what it was.
She was doing it to show off. Plus you had a good reason to not trust her. Also, she broke one of the two rules/boundaries that you put in place for coming over. It doesn’t matter if it was a good gift. It was a stomped boundary.” Constant_Camera3452
17. AITJ For Moving In With My Half-Sister?
“When I was 14 I found out my dad stepped out on my mom and got another woman pregnant when I was a baby, so I have a half-sister I’d never met.
My mom found out when she realized he was making child support payments, and she kicked him out for a few weeks but she eventually forgave him on the condition that he never contact the ‘affair baby’ (her words) and she never has to hear about or see her.
I’d grown up the youngest of the family with 4 older brothers so the little 14-year-old me was just excited to have a) a sister and b) a younger sister at that.
I begged my dad to get me in contact with her and eventually, he gave me her name so I could look her up on social media. Turns out she knew already she had half-siblings, her mom was pretty open with her about the situation, and she had always been pretty curious to know us, so she was happy to be in contact with me.
I gave my mom a heads-up that I was talking to my half-sister and she was obviously very unhappy about it and said she just didn’t want to know about it. My half-sister and I became really close, I didn’t tell my mom about it, it was weird but we made it work.
Fast forward 6 years and both my half-sister and I were starting to think about moving out of home.
We both felt like the most obvious thing to do was get an apartment together since we both needed a housemate at the same time in the same area, and we were so close, but with my mom’s issues with her, we weren’t sure.
Eventually, I just bit the bullet and asked my mom how she’d feel if I moved in with my half-sister.
Again she was obviously not thrilled about it but said she’d be fine with it as long as she doesn’t have to see or hear anything about my sister. I took that to mean if I wanted to spend time with my mom I’d just go visit home or we’d go out somewhere together. After we moved in, I found out my mom meant she wanted to come visit me sometimes and she wanted me to either have my sister leave or hide in her room for that time.
She’s acting like I should have known that without her telling me, and she’s upset with me that I refuse to kick my sister out of her own apartment or make her hide like Harry Potter, ‘I’ll be in my room, making no noise, and pretending I don’t exist’. It turns out she’s also mad at me for moving in with her in the first place, apparently, I was supposed to know that when she insisted she’d be fine with it, she actually wanted me to not do it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, your mom is acting atrociously. She is blaming a CHILD for the mistakes your father made. Somehow, your sister is the villain of this story instead of her lying husband? You have every right to get to know your sibling, live with her, and foster a relationship with her. If your mom doesn’t want to see her, then she doesn’t need to come over to the home that you and your sister share.
Full stop.
You wouldn’t bring your sister to her home and expect your mom to hide away to avoid her. Your mom is being completely unreasonable. I think you’re showing great character in embracing your sister and standing up for her. Good for you. Sister relationships can be some of the best on the planet, I’m happy you guys were able to find each other despite the parental drama.” YesIDidTripAgain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your mom’s issues are with your dad, not your sister. She is projecting them on your sister. If she can stand to look at your dad then she can look at your sister who is innocent in this whole situation.
It seems your mom wants to pretend like your dad’s affair never happened, she needs to see a therapist. Pretending there isn’t a problem doesn’t solve anything.
You sound like a great sister! And daughter. You handled everything in the right way.” isthisariddle
16. AITJ For Not Telling My Coworkers That I Am Polyamorous?
“I (32F) am in a poly relationship with Ruby, my partner of 11 years, and Louie, my partner of 10 years. The three of us all see each other and are ‘closed off’ to seeing anyone outside of our current relationship.
I never mentioned this to my coworkers because I never cared to, I don’t tend to talk about my life while at work. A few weeks ago my coworker Ken, who was aware I had a partner, saw me making out with Ruby at a bar and took some pictures. He, apparently, started telling everyone that I was sneaking behind Louie’s back and showed the pictures of Ruby and me.
I had noticed that some people were giving me the cold shoulder but I just figured it was something to do with my recent promotion.
A few days ago I was talking to my friend in the break room about her ex and mentioned how much I hate liars, which prompted Ken and a few of my other coworkers to start ‘calling me out’ and tell me that I was a hypocrite.
When I said that I never had an affair, Ken ‘confronted’ me with the pictures of Ruby and me at the bar and a picture of Louie and me out from last week. Ken kept asking ‘So who are you with?!’ while shoving his phone in my face, so I just brushed his arm aside and told him, ‘Both of them.’
That only seemed to see him and others off worse and he started nagging me again and I started laughing. I wasn’t trying to be rude I just actually found it funny how upset everyone was getting over my relationship that they had no idea about. He stopped talking after laughing and I took that time to explain my relationship and showed pictures of all three of us including ones of Ruby and Louie kissing and I joked about him taking pictures ‘like a stalker’.
Now a bunch of my coworkers are mad that I ‘hid’ my polyamory from them and are now saying that it’s ‘my fault’ that they now look like jerks for talking bad about me behind my back.
AITJ for not telling my coworkers that I’m poly and subsequently laughing in their faces?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your polyamory is none of their business. And frankly, Ken deserves to be called out for photographing you in public like some creepy stalker. Since he apparently wasn’t going to show these pictures to Louie as ‘proof’ that you’re having an affair, it looks like he was only showing them around the office to gossip about you.
In your place, I would be talking to HR about Ken.” User
Another User Comments:
“Holy cow, 10000% NTJ, and this workplace sounds really toxic.
Your personal life is none of their business. You owe them nothing. If they want to pry, snoop, jump to conclusions, and spread rumors, it’s not your job to disabuse them of their unfair conclusions.
It’s their job to not draw those trashy conclusions in the first place.
It’s a job-seeker’s market right now. Get out of this workplace if you can.” Most_Poet
15. AITJ For Not Convincing My Friend To Try To Reconcile With His Daughter?
“My friend and I have known each other for 20 years. He was previously married and he and his ex have 4 daughters. They divorced 10 years ago after she was caught having an affair.
Their children also found out.
She tried to apologize and keep the marriage but they quickly got divorced. He told his daughters he would never expect them to not have a relationship with her, but that he never would again. Younger 2 were just confused and upset, but the older 2 hated their mother and refused to speak with her.
We all including their dad suggested they consider reconciling eventually but no one pressured them.
Around a year later they made up with her. Eventually, 2nd daughter asked her dad if he would consider making up with her mom. She said she hated having 2 separate families, and not being able to see them both at once.
As time went on she got more aggressive, saying she couldn’t imagine having kids one day and having separate birthdays, etc., and that she wanted her dad to at least try to get back together. He told her that he felt bad but that he could never forgive his ex. Her mom didn’t put her up to this.
She eventually started hating her dad, refusing to speak or see him. If anyone tried to speak some sense into her she would lash out saying it was her dad’s fault their family was broken. No matter how much he tried she would never come around. If she saw him she would swear and scream at him.
She went to therapy but nothing changed. She cut off her dad and threatened to cut off anyone who talked about him. She said she would speak to him only if he remarried her mom.
He tried a few times to talk to her but she shut him out and even ran away once to scare everyone.
Eventually, my friend gave up. She was 18 at the time. They haven’t spoken since. He would message her on birthdays etc. but got no response. He at one point even considered just getting back with his ex.
It’s been around 6 years. They haven’t spoken since. She also got married 2 years ago. He wasn’t invited to the wedding so his family didn’t go and his oldest daughter also didn’t go.
Last week I was with my friend when he got a call and it was his 2nd daughter. She was just crying. My friend also started crying and she eventually said she found out her husband was having an affair. Apparently, this all came out 3 weeks ago. She was just crying and apologizing and he was crying too and then eventually he hung up.
He said to me it was too late and that he refused to risk having his heart broken again. He’s been immensely stonewalled about this. Whilst I’m a little surprised I completely support whatever decision he chooses.
Most of his family + his partner and his ex are mad at him. Most of his friends including me and his younger kids say it’s his choice.
1st daughter says he shouldn’t reconcile. I might be the only one that could convince him to try but I don’t think I should. 2nd daughter has also called me asking me to try. My wife is not talking to me and says I’m a bad friend. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Not your circus, not your clowns.
If your wife won’t speak to you because you are staying out of your friend’s relationship with his daughter (as you should), you should focus on couples counseling.” Daddy_Muttonchop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
To be blunt, this isn’t really your business. At the end of the day your job is to be there for your friend and unless you feel he is making a terrible horrible decision without all the facts or he’s putting himself or others in danger, choosing to stay out of it and letting him make up his own mind is fully acceptable.
If you wanna be the guy that’s just there to listen to him that’s fine.” katiethekatie
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Pregnant Roommate Anymore?
“My best friend/roommate (F23) and I (F22) just got a new place together at the beginning of Dec ‘21 and everything was going great. That was soon short-lived when she told me that she might be pregnant.
After taking 3 tests it was confirmed that she was with child. I asked her if she thought she was ready for a baby and she said she had no choice since she does not want to terminate the pregnancy. She was very excited and naturally, I was happy but extremely shocked because she is still very young, has not finished school, and she and the baby’s father (M46) are not together as he lives an hour and a half from where she and I live now.
After finding out she was pregnant she quit her job claiming that she was going to find a new one because she was too sick.
2 months later she still does not have a job and can barely pay her half of the rent. Her family pays her rent, car note, insurance, and just about anything else you can think of.
Her father recently passed away so her mom pays my best friend’s bills and the bills her father left behind when he passed. Her mom always tells her that she needs to get a job because she is always giving her last to her daughter. But she is unfazed by these conversations as if she has nothing to worry about.
I asked her what her plan was and she said she plans to stay in this apartment with me and baby while working and doing school at the same time. Her family lives far and so I asked her what she planned to do for childcare and she said she refused to let anyone watch her child and wouldn’t do daycare until he/she was able to talk.
After really contemplating on whether I wanted to live with a baby or not I decided that it might not be the best thing for me.
One day she was on the phone with her mother telling her that she wanted her child to be in a private school. Her mom said that she was going to have to pay for it herself because her mother was not.
My friend’s response was that her mom didn’t have to worry because she and I would be taking care of the tuition for the child. I was very taken aback by this because I did not agree to this or anything to do with the baby. I feel like if I stay I am going to put myself in a terrible situation.
I am still a student at university and I am in my pre-medicine program. This is very important to me as I want to become a doctor in the future. However, I feel like the baby is going to disrupt a lot of my studying or resting time because that’s what babies do.
She is due to have the baby in Sept however the lease does not end until Jan ‘23.
So I will have to live with her and the baby until then. I haven’t told her my plans yet because I know she will take this very personally and we still have 11 months until the lease ends.
But am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is not being even remotely realistic.
She thinks because she is rooming with a future doctor that, what, you’ll take over the expense and care of her child? She won’t even get a job and is draining her mother’s money, if she does that to her MOTHER, she will not hesitate to do it to you. Talk to your landlord, ask if there is any way you can get out of the lease, and RUN as far and as fast as you can.
None of this is your problem or responsibility.” BothReading1229
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does your friend follow a lot of influencers who talk about ‘manifesting’ their ideal lives, or something? Because your friend seems to be living in a delusional world where all the money and support she needs to survive will just magically appear.
In reality, she’s just using people. She’s using her mom currently, and she has plans to use you. You cannot allow that to happen.
It’s just unfortunate that you’re stuck in your lease for almost another year. Do you have family close enough that you could stay with them (at least on weekends) before the baby arrives, and until your lease is up and you can move out?
It’s not ideal by any means, but the easiest way to avoid being roped into unpaid childcare by your friend is to simply never be there.” AccessibleBeige
13. AITJ For Expecting My Mother To Treat Me And My Brother Equally?
“My older brother (22) was truly born at the perfect time and is the perfect gender. My mother literally admits to being sexist, by the way.
Growing up my brother was sweet, hazel-eyed, and chill. While I talk too much, am ‘selfish’, and can’t sit still. I am always in his shadow all the time.
My mother (44) swears she prioritizes education being a teacher and all. My older brother proves she does not, he barely passed high school. While I graduated with a 3.93 GPA. My brother didn’t go to college and instead knocked up his ex.
The global crisis happened during my senior year so I wanted to go to community college.
Full ride and I have scholarships. My mother convinced me to take out loans so I could eventually use the funds for a house. Houses don’t cost 7k but whatever she never steers me wrong. Or so I thought. It’s been two years and it hasn’t been paid off yet. She promised she would but hasn’t.
She instead used the money to fund her move to Houston. She asks for it and I’m like okay whatever. The problem is she always wanted more and more and more. Eventually, I tapped out and had to establish boundaries.
She wasn’t too happy about it, but what could she do? Recently, my brother has wrecked my car.
The insurance company gave us the money. I kept about 6k while my mother kept another 5k. Within 2 weeks I found the perfect car. I asked for the money back. She tells me no. That me and my brother have to figure out a way to buy the car. And because I have good credit it shouldn’t be a problem for me anyway.
I told her I would not be paying a cent on the car.
This convo marinates for weeks. She getting snappy with me. Yelling at me for the smallest things and so forth till I break. She’s like I pay all the bills around here funny cuz I just gave her $400. And how her grown kids living with her made her life harder.
How she could go live with my stepfather with my little siblings and be good. I brush it off at first. Then she’s like I wish (my significant other) would come and put me in check.
I lost it. I tell her how she’s always treated me less than her. How even my older brother can see that he’s treated better.
Gave him 2 cars. How she makes me take care of my nephew while my older brother works, and it isn’t solely my responsibility. How I gave her over 11k without her paying a cent back? It’s been a year. How she’s lazy and can’t get up off her butt. Uses me for money.
And if she’s really the only person paying the bills then she needs to give me back my 11k. This did not end well. Apparently what I said was extremely disrespectful and I made my mother cry.
For the first time in her life, she feels like a bad mother, and it hurts her because she’s tried her best. I am starting to feel like the jerk.
My mother gave me a pretty decent life. I know she’s struggling right now (mostly her fault). She also paid 17k for my car in the first place so who am I to be so ungrateful?
AITJ for making my mother cry because I expect the same treatment as my brother?”
Another User Comments:
“Crocodile tears my friend. She’s crying because she was called out. Not because she’s sorry. She’s abusing you plain and simple. You have more than enough budget to rent an apartment and get a used car. You really need to distance yourself from them. Hopefully, once they realize the cash cow has dried up, they actually take the time to think about how awful they were.
NTJ.” The_Shadow_Of_Yor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom doesn’t feel bad, she’s just switched tactics. She realized being mean wasn’t working so she tried to pull your strings by acting sad. I also don’t agree she’s tried her best if she admitted she was sexist and hasn’t meaningfully addressed that by changing how she treats you and your brother.
Stop giving her money and get away from both her and your brother as soon as you can. You’re the frog in boiling water, and I think as soon as you get some distance from your mom and brother, you’re going to have a realization of just how bad it is.” crockofpot
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Let Go Of My Horse For My Partner?
“My partner (26m) and I (24f) have been together for around ~9 months.
I’ve been riding horses since around four years old when I started taking lessons. When I was ten I started helping out this girl at the stable with her horse Lady.
At 12 she told me she had to sell due to time/interest and asked if me and my parents wanted to buy Lady. Luckily for me, my parents were able to buy her and she’s been mine ever since. She’s my best friend and I love her a lot.
When I started to see my partner I was very honest with the fact that my horse takes a lot of time and he was fine with this.
When single I could spend like three to four hours a day in the stable but as we started going out I cut this down to about three hours every other day as this is roughly how long it takes for me to do all the cleaning/preparing food/riding. Also, most of my friends are at the stable which obviously means this is also social for me.
The other days I would not ride and try to spend less time talking which would make it about an hour.
After about six months he told me I spent too much time at the stable and that I should prioritize my relationship more and somehow his family got involved and said it was strange to prioritize the way I did.
I wasn’t comfortable with this but I am a bit of a pushover so I agreed.
At first, this meant cutting down time at the stable but it has evolved into cutting down riding days. Now I ride about two days a week and the rest I’m simply there to do the basics.
All of this as quickly as I can because otherwise, I know he’ll be annoyed and mad for days and give me the silent treatment. I know my horse isn’t really suffering from not being ridden as often as before but I still feel very guilty that I’m always rushing around her.
Then last night he told me it was time to sell Lady. I laughed at him and asked if he was serious. He was. I told him no and he said I needed to start prioritizing this relationship more and I said I’ve done nothing but prioritize this relationship. We argued about it and he apparently thinks I can just put her down as she’s old anyway.
I was furious at this and told him that was absolutely not happening and that I would never sell her. He said that any reasonable person would sell or put down their horse in favor of their partner and the only reason I wouldn’t is because I only hang out with other insane horse people.
So I come to you. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is waving red flags the way someone would wave an arm to catch a cab’s attention. He’s successfully started to isolate you from your friends and is now trying to make you cut all ties to your horse and your friends at the stables.
What next?
Drop him and start enjoying your time with Lady again.” Kindly-Ant-3850
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is clear that you love all the aspects of having a horse and he wants a relationship where more time is spent together. You will find someone who is fine with you spending time with your horse.
He will find someone who is fine with spending a lot of time with him. Neither of these things will happen if you don’t part ways. You are incompatible.
I would say ‘no jerks here’ but he is being a jerk because a) he initially said he was fine with it and quietly expected you to change when you realized how much more amazing he was than your stupid horse (unrealistic and narcissistic), and b) demanding you sell your horse.
This is an ultimatum, I don’t even like horses but if he is asking you to choose he is clearly making the choice for you.” saintjimmy43
11. AITJ For Calling My Sister An Irresponsible Mother?
“So I (27F) am married (29m) and in February, my sister (34F) dropped her two kids (10F) & (6M) to go on a last-minute out-of-state trip.
When the 10-year-old was getting ready for her shower, she asked if I would check her hair. Confused, I asked why I would be doing that, but also told her yes I’ll check it.
My niece tells me she had headlice and has had it for a while, I’m shocked, after not being told any of this, I check her hair, and sure enough, there are not only eggs but moving headlice.
I ask her what her mom had been using to get rid of it and my niece says ‘mayo and vinegar.’ I’m baffled. I call my sister AGAIN (After I’ve already called about them not having clothes packed – they had random clothes packed in their suitcases).
And she goes ‘Oops. It must have slipped my mind’.
How does headlice slip your mind?! Well, I went off on her. Called her an irresponsible mother for not putting her kids first.
So we haven’t spoken much since February. Well, I’ve texted her a couple of times trying to break the ice so things won’t be so awkward. I love having my nieces and nephew over and spoiling them.
Well my oldest niece was over this weekend (she lives with my mom and dad) & I didn’t have the gas to drive her home last night. My mom sent my sister’s husband (who is an abusive piece of work but that’s a story for another time) to pick up my oldest niece (12F).
My other niece came over, so excited to see us, and informed us that she and her brother were never allowed over to my house again. She begged me to talk to her mom about it.
I called my mother and sister and finally asked what was going on. My mother said she wasn’t pleased with how I handled things with my sister and I was wrong for going off on her.
My sister told me she was ‘salty’ and done discussing HER kids with me. And she hung up. I informed my mother I was going radio silent and wouldn’t be speaking to any of them for a while because my feelings were valid.
I might be the jerk because I tried to tell my sister how irresponsible she was being with her kids.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like they are separating from you because you pointed out she is negligent to her kids, which is a form of reportable mistreatment, and are keeping them away from you because you are the only one even willing to point it out.
Get info from your eldest niece when you see her about what is going on because kids shouldn’t be living in conditions where they have lice and their guardian puts at-home remedies and makes them live with lice long-term rather than actually treat the lice.
Your mother is in the wrong for supporting your sister in mistreating her kids.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister was being irresponsible. Who knowingly sends their kids to someone else’s home with headlice without even telling them? Who drops their kids off somewhere for the weekend without making sure they have appropriate clothes packed?
I feel bad for the kids, but if you are not allowed to voice your concerns, then removing yourself from the situation is the best you can do. Sometimes silence (and not babysitting) speaks louder than words.
However – if you feel the kids are in actual danger or being neglected, you may want to contact your local social services or the kids’ school.” Forward_Squirrel8879
10. AITJ For "Lying" About My Parents' Origin?
“Last week I had a group presentation and after we were done my teammates and I decided to go out for lunch. Then one of them asked if one of her friends could come with us. We’re all international students.
So we’re waiting for her friend, she shows up and we go to eat at this restaurant near campus.
During lunch, she gets a call from her mum. And she starts speaking on the phone in French.
At first, it was normal stuff but then it became ‘These people brought me to this restaurant and I hate the food’, ‘This place isn’t even nice why did they come here’ and ‘These people are so boring’ etc.
I was very uncomfortable by the end of it. Afterward, I told my teammate (the girl’s friend) about what was said. She was angry and apologized to me and told me this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened.
Apparently, they usually speak to each other in Arabic but her friend switches to French if she wants to say something to someone that she doesn’t want my teammate to know about.
Later that night I got a bunch of DM requests from my teammate’s friend. She was like ‘It was rude of me to sit there and listen to her private conversation and I should’ve excused myself and gone somewhere else’.
Then there was ‘You lied to me about where you’re from, you made me think I could have a private conversation around you’.
Okay, so, my dad is Korean and my mum is Swiss. We talked about this over lunch. She asked me what part of Switzerland my family is from. I said my mum’s family is from around Zurich. Because of this, she thought I could only speak German.
This is how I ‘lied’ about where I’m from.
She told me that she’ll apologize for the things she’s said if I acknowledge I’ve ‘purposely deceived her’ as well.
I just ignored her after that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wanted a private conversation, SHE should have excused herself and had the conversation outside. Besides, you should NEVER assume that nobody knows your language just because it isn’t the language of the locals!
What if you didn’t have a French-speaking parent but you had spent every single summer/winter in France and spoke French fluently? Should you disclose that when you sit down with someone new? No. She got caught out and didn’t think she would be. She’s the rude one.” kimsala
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s terribly rude.
If you want a private conversation, go somewhere else. Don’t just change languages.
You did nothing wrong. She said mean things, you shared them because she did not make any effort to go somewhere private.
Hope your friend thinks better of inviting her again.” Apotheuncary
9. AITJ For Keeping A Dove In A Cage At My Shop?
“I (26F) consider myself an animal lover. There was a wedding a few months ago near my shop because there is a really beautiful place nearby for pictures. They let some white doves fly for the ceremony or the pictures.
I saw them fly around and thought they’d be taken back in or something but that was not the case. The street cats had some for lunch and some flew away. One particularly chubby one was flying around like a hen, clearly failing to take off. I thought it would get run over and I felt bad and took it in.
I called the company and asked if they wanted it back and they said they had no obligation to take it back because it’s not an invasive species and they were not coming back for the one. I called animal control, same response. Try to adopt it out but it’s not really considered a pet, not in my country at least.
I sell trinkets but I didn’t wanna keep it free in the shop so I bought the biggest cage and set him in. Before I open and after I close, I let it out and it wobbles around. A vet told me it would never fly because it has grown caged and its muscles have not developed properly.
I let some kids pet it and it enjoys the attention for sure.
A lady came in yesterday and she was out of her mind mad the bird was in a cage and called me horrible. I tried to explain but she just scoffed and went to look around. A client asked me something and I lost her from sight for about five minutes.
When I glanced back up my dove was gone. I ran out and I saw the woman dramatically throwing it in the air. The bird awkwardly flopped on the floor and ran back to the shop like there was no tomorrow.
She kept fuming called me a horrible person and an abuser and went away.
She left a bad review. There was another customer who complained. AITJ? I think I am doing what is best for it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And you will continue to run into people who think that caged/domesticated animals can fare well if liberated. As you saw, the bird knows where it wants to be.
Better than the meddling customer did. And you will continue to run into that romantic ignorance.
My concern is with the petting by children, a kid gets pecked, and you’re screwed. Or, more likely, the bird gets a disease from the kid.” fuzzy_mic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the real jerk is the wedding company knowingly releasing these into the wild for a photo op.
Also whomever is breeding these doves in the first place.
It sounds like there’s no other option for the dove except to stay in your care. Maybe make a little sign saying the dove is a rescue, injured, and can’t fly.” endymion2300
8. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Leave My Son's Party If She Doesn't Like Seeing A Gay Relationship?
“My son Seth’s 16th birthday was today and he decided to have a party with family and friends today after school.
Of course, he invited his best friend Jun (15M) and of course, Jun’s significant other Deon (16M) who’s also friends with Seth came with him. Seth and Jun have been friends for a long time – almost five years now. Jun came out in the 8th grade and I’ve never had a problem with him being gay.
He came over and slept over just as much and nothing changed after he came out.
Well, my sister and her family moved out closer to us a few months ago. My sister never left our hometown which was on the other side of the country so we didn’t really see them a lot so she’s never really met Jun or know that he’s gay.
While at the party she was trying to get the kids off their phones and to actually talk to each other. She so happened to focus in on Jun asking him why he wasn’t talking to any of the pretty girls there. He just kinda nonchalantly wrapped his hand up in Deon’s, kissed him on the cheek, and told her he was taken.
My sister got kinda quiet and didn’t say anything else to Jun. She came over to me and told me I should tell Jun and Deon to go home. I asked why and she went on this whole thing about how her younger boys were there along with Seth’s younger brothers (Erik and Erin 11M) and they don’t need to see Jun and Deon being deviants.
Me and my sister grew up pretty conservative and our dad was a pastor. While I turned out atheist, she took everything to heart. I told her to calm down and to just let it go as I and the twins already knew about Jun and Deon. She got mad at me saying I knew and should have told her then she wouldn’t have brought her boys.
I told her maybe she should leave if she had such a problem. She didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister’s intolerance and homophobia are not your problem. This was Seth’s birthday party, it wasn’t hers. She can not dictate who your son’s friends are or who comes to your house.
Maybe you should’ve mentioned it before she came over, but at this point, that thought never crossed your mind, as the boys’ relationship is normal to you.” Evil_Mel
Another User Comments:
“To be honest, if you’re hosting gay kids who are out in your home, you do have a duty of care to protect them from experiencing homophobia while under your roof.
It’s unlikely they missed your sister’s expression when they kissed and your sister pulled you aside, I highly doubt they didn’t figure out what was going on & why. I highly doubt your sister wasn’t giving them unwelcoming looks after this. You should have kicked your sister out after she got started on her homophobia.
I hope you don’t invite your sister to any more events where Jun and Deon will be until she’s become less homophobic. YTJ for not protecting them from a known homophobe.” excel_pager_420
7. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To My Fiancé For Taking His Food?
“My (f26) fiance (m32) is blind. We don’t disagree a lot except, he always gets bothered whenever I eat different food from what he’s eating when we go out. Like, if we’re having dinner out and I order something else, he’d instantly get upset and accuse me of treating him as less than when I just have different tastes in foods.
I’d just eat what he eats to keep the peace (I eat out alone as an alternative) but since he clearly doesn’t trust me, he’d randomly touch my plate to see if I’m having the same dish. This caused huge arguments between us and I told him to stop doing it and he said he would.
We went out to eat nights ago, and I ordered the same dish he ordered. When the food arrived, he looked somewhat uncomfortable. I asked what was wrong and he refused to say, and before I could even grab the fork he extended his arm and his hand touched the food on my plate. He moved quickly and started excusing what he did saying he ‘just wanted to make sure…’ but I lost it on him, I felt so grossed out and there was no way I could eat the food after he touched it.
He tried to get me to drop it saying I shouldn’t be grossed out by his hand, and that I overreacted, etc…. but I grabbed his plate and told him that I was taking it as my dinner. He at first asked me to be ‘rational’ and give the plate back but I refused.
An argument ensued and we had a fight.
He then ended up leaving and started spam texting me accusing me of being bitter, pathetic, and childish, and robbing his dinner. He went to stay with his friend who picked him up and his friend sided with him saying I was in the wrong. Even went as far as to say that I was abusing my fiance and financially controlling him when I pointed out that I was the one who paid for the food.
The problem is magnified now with him wanting an apology and me refusing to give him one. My parents think I should have more patience and that this is just typical ‘love spats’ between us but I’m not sure.
Was I the jerk with how I handled this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Do not marry this guy!
He is acting super controlling and emotionally immature. Like who gets upset when someone is eating different food from them who isn’t <5yrs old!? Also, he doesn’t trust you or respect your boundaries and sounds like a miserable person." FirekeeperAnnwyl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Just because you’re blind doesn’t mean you are excused from having manners.
The idea of you eating something different and being perceived as slight to him is SO ridiculous. If that’s his hang-up, then you order and he eats whatever you eat. It’s only different when he can’t control you. Then you actually agree to this controlling nonsense and he still can’t respect your boundaries.
Oh, an apology is owed, but by him to you. Hope other things make this relationship worthwhile because he sounds HORRIBLE.” catskilkid
6. AITJ For Wanting My Friend's Partner To Contribute To Our Holiday Accommodation Payment?
“My friend (M47) and I (F43) booked to go to an island we’d both been keen to go to. We booked a 2-bed cabin and because of the popularity of the place we had to book and pay 10 months in advance.
We split the cost 50/50.
2 months before we were due to go, he met someone and they started going out. The holiday came up, and understandably she was a bit uncomfortable with him coming with me. I was given an ultimatum – either she comes or the entire holiday is called off. I didn’t say yes immediately, because I needed to check with the accommodation as the island has a limited number of guests allowed and I needed the okay from them first. My hesitation wasn’t taken well, they thought I wasn’t keen.
I got back to them within 24 hours and said I’d gotten the all-clear for his partner to also come and she could book plane tickets for her. A week later he informed me she had the tickets, and I asked him if we could discuss re-balancing the accommodation costs now that there were 3 of us coming – as it should now be a three-way split.
I was surprised that he responded with anger. As far as he was concerned the accommodation was paid for and it was wrong and greedy of me to expect money from his partner. He told me that he was paying for the entire holiday for his partner, so it was still going to be just him and me paying, so it was unfair of me to not pay for half.
I told him that there were three adults, 3 people – if he chose to pay for his partner’s third that was his choice and nothing to do with me.
He told me his partner was going to buy me a drink to say thank you for the accommodation, but if I was going to insist on a split then I could forget it and buy my own drinks as he couldn’t believe I was being so selfish.
The thing is, a drink is $15, and I was currently covering half her accommodation costs ~ $600.
I don’t think I was a jerk asking her/them to cover her share of the accommodation. I hadn’t even met her yet, but they thought I should cover her costs because it was already paid for. AITJ for insisting she pay for her component of the cost?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but he should buy you out of the holiday and you can go somewhere on your own and not be the third wheel in the obsessive period of someone’s new relationship (coz that’s a lot of fun – not) or be expected to pay for half of your friend’s new partner’s holiday.” Seriouslydude-no-way
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is it too late to get a refund on anything? I wouldn’t want to spend a single second with them considering they’re treating you like trash for asking for a simple contribution on a trip that the new girl has weaseled her way into. I would bet my bottom dollar that she either can’t afford it and is insecure, or she’s just THAT entitled. If he’s paying her whole trip then he needs to cough up more for the stay.
Bad friend.” Ligmaballzss
5. AITJ For Not Giving My Snapchat Handle To The Girl At Work Who Likes Me?
“There’s a girl at my job who likes me, she’s always finding excuses to come around my work area to talk to me, she’s flirtatious, etc. I think she’s attractive too, we’ve worked at the same company for a little over a year now and have talked for the last 8 or so months.
I just try not to talk to or go out with the people I work with. That’s a can of worms that I’ve opened once before at a previous job and it blew up in my face, so I decided never again, with some exceptions of course, but ever since then I haven’t gone out with anyone from work in years and this girl would have been the first one since and I was only willing to break my rule for her because she showed constant genuine interest and she initiated making it very obvious her interest in me.
Like clockwork, she comes to my area and starts talking to me. She’s flirting, and I’m flirting back, then she slides her phone across my desk with her Snapchat open and she says, ‘We should talk outside of work, you should give me your snap.’ Smiling I responded, ‘I don’t want to give you my snap, but I’ll give you my number.’ She tells me that she doesn’t want to give me her number just yet, but if we talk enough and things go well on snap then we can exchange numbers.
I tell her, ‘No, thank you.’ And handed her phone back to her. Her smile drops and she walks away.
Later one of the male coworkers came up to me and asked what I did to make her cry, I responded, ‘Nothing, she wanted my Snapchat and I wanted to give her my phone number instead and she didn’t want that.
I don’t think that’s anything worth crying over.’ He then proceeded to tell me how much of a jerk I am for not giving her my Snapchat and how I should’ve just given it to her. I explain to him that I don’t really care about his opinion and that I find it weird that he’s so distraught about something that doesn’t involve him at all and he storms off.
Then as I’m in line waiting to clock out another male coworker confronts me about it, calling me a jerk because she liked me and I should’ve just given her my Snapchat, I respond that I don’t really trust having conversations through most social media apps, but especially through Snapchat because the conversations automatically delete after a while and using an app like that just feels like someone is hiding something from someone else and that’s something that I do not care to be a part of so unless we met online then it’s either phone number or nothing at all.
He tells me that I’m old for thinking things are still that way with exchanging phone numbers and how exchanging social media is the normal thing to do now. I tell him that I don’t really care. He asks me about her feelings, I tell him she’ll get over it, I’m only one guy, and a little rejection is good for her character.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And you should give HR a visit.
Explain that you don’t want to place a formal complaint at the moment (if you really don’t), but something happened, and you just want to make them aware.
Explain that she’s been going to your workspace and talking for a few months.
You seemed to be under the impression she wanted something more in regard to the relationship.
She asked for social media contact, which you weren’t comfortable sharing, but you offered your phone number, which she refused.
You let her know that you weren’t comfortable with social media. She left.
And now 2 co-workers (tell names or don’t) have approached you calling you names, including jerk, and demanding explanations when they’re not related to the situation.
Tell HR that you’re not comfortable with the environment that they created. You just want to be left alone.
And stay away from this girl.” Technical_Lawbster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t reject her. You offered your phone number. My first thought is she has a significant other who checks her phone and she uses Snapchat to keep her dates hidden.
Maybe that’s too harsh, but that’s the first place my mind went.
I’m not sure why she cried at work. That seems a little excessive, considering you were not really rejecting her, just her weird communication preference. Also, I don’t understand doing this with someone you met irl. It’s weird.
Your two coworkers may not have gotten the whole story or could just be really jealous and taking it out on you.
I would make sure they know you didn’t intend to hurt her and that you are surprised by her reaction.” Yes-GoAway
4. AITJ For Kicking My Roommate Out Because Of Her Dog?
“I (24f) live in a 2-bedroom apartment. I had an extra room, that I wanted to rent out. The new roommate (23f), let’s call her Rachel, moved in 5 months ago, she was a friend of a friend.
Our building is pet friendly, she has a 3-year-old chihuahua. I love dogs, so I was okay with her bringing it along. My conditions were that since it is her dog, she would be responsible for feeding, and cleaning and he should be potty trained and shouldn’t expect me to do it. We have carpets in the apartment.
The issue started, her dog was not potty trained at all, and he would take a dump EVERYWHERE. For the first couple of weeks, she kept saying that it was a new place and he would get used to it so I understood. Rachel would ‘try’ to clean it up but wouldn’t do a good job and then I obviously had to, because it would smell.
There were days when the dog would behave but some days lots of accidents and I didn’t see Rachel trying anything to actively train him.
I told her that 2 months in she needs to figure it out or she is out. I suggested we get an indoor dog potty tray. But she wasn’t too keen and said I would take him out often.
I got that tray for him and tried to train him on that but I work long hours and when I am home I just want to rest. Rachel has a remote job so she is at the house. Our apartment started to smell in different parts and it was exhausting to thoroughly clean everything.
My room was also a no-zone and Rachel knew.
My last straw was, that after an exhausting day, I came home and the dog was in my room and the door was closed. I told Rachel to keep an eye out, she just brushed it off that he was only sleeping in there. I stepped into my closet and my bare foot landed straight on the poop.
I completely lost it. I yelled at Rachel that she shouldn’t have a dog if she can’t take care of it properly, and to give it away to a responsible person. That she needs to pack her stuff and leave. She started crying, I felt bad, but then I smelled the crap again and I was like nope she is out.
She took her dog and went to a friend’s house.
Our common friend called me and said that she was hysterical and that I shouldn’t have kicked her out because of the dog. A few of our friends have sided with her as well. So I wanted to know, AITJ for kicking her out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Another bad dog owner. Drives me nuts. Some people with small dogs think it’s no big deal if they are not totally potty trained because their messes are ‘small’. That is ridiculous, even small messes cause a smell that will grow over time. People get used to the smell and they don’t realize they are living in a home that smells of urine and feces, it’s revolting.
Also, pew pads were invented for very young puppies and elderly dogs, not your purse dog you can’t bother to take outside.” lastyesterdaytoday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She agreed to your conditions that she was responsible for the dog and then completely ignored them. And her neglect of the dog made life unbearable for you, not to mention making you clean up after her dog’s mess.
If she were living by herself, it would be one thing, but she wasn’t. She let her responsibilities fall on your shoulders. And it’s not like she didn’t know about it – you’ve been talking to her about it this whole time. Finally, she knew the dog was not allowed in your room, but let it in there anyway, knowing that the dog goes to the bathroom wherever it is.
She really should not be surprised that she got kicked out. It was not a matter of if, only a matter of when.” bamf1701
3. AITJ For Not Showing Support For My Stepsister's Wedding?
“My step-sister has been around for about 7-8 years.
At first, we were close. We’re the same age (23) and got along great. Hung out, shared items, etc. This girl has destroyed the strong relationship I used to have with my mom because she has caused so many issues and my mom refuses to believe any of it, despite the proof. She has stolen from me, clothes, make-up, purses.
She had posted photos WEARING the clothes she stole. I chose to look past all of this, regardless of how bad it bothered me. I told my mom and my mom thought I was in the wrong because we would share things at one point, WITH PERMISSION. I’d let her USE my stuff, not take it.
Well, the day she crossed the line was the day she stole over 40 pills from my grandmother, and then I got blamed. I am and was sober, and the day this happened she was very evidently NOT. My mother blamed me when I suggested it was her, based on the reputation she created for herself.
These are just a few examples of why she is a terrible person and I want no association with her. Mind you, I have kept my mouth shut aside from speaking to my mom in privacy.
Now 4 years go by and my other step-sister who I love and would do anything for came to me to admit she knows I don’t like her sister, and she knows why.
Apparently, the crappy step-sister told the good step-sister everything.
To prevent any further damage to my relationship with my mother I haven’t told her.
Now crappy step-sister is getting married (to a family friend’s ex-husband).
I haven’t told anyone yet, but AITJ for deciding not to attend anything wedding-related? This will 100% make how I feel obvious.
I refuse to show my support, as well as put even a cent of my own money into anything for her. I can barely be around her as is.
Sister has not been confronted about any of this. Neither has her father. She has gotten off the hook for everything. So she may assume I don’t like her based on my constant distance but that’s all she has.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, it seems like it was a combo of your step-sister and mother that made it grow to such a point. NTJ, and at this point who cares what everyone else says… you don’t have a relationship anymore, and if your mother says something just say that you don’t want to be an inconvenience and ignore future calls.” jfcfanfic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think confrontation or setting the conditions to be confronted comes down to a cost-benefit ratio. The cost of just saying no is the emotional stress of the inevitable pressure and judgment by other family and maybe her friends. If you were disbelieved and unfairly blamed before, it’s unlikely that you’ll be believed now if you try to explain which will probably add to the hurt.
The only probable benefit that I can see is that you’ll get to express for all to see how you feel, and you won’t have to buy a gift or attend any events. So, how do the scales look to you?
You could just attend the engagement party, shower, and wedding to enjoy other people there while avoiding conversations with her.
You could plan trips away to places you want to go for the party and shower, attending only the wedding and avoiding her. You could attend one pre-wedding event and ‘call in sick’ on the day of the wedding. There are many possibilities here. I suggest you consider them all with an eye to what the cost to you and your other relationships might be.
Decide the price you’re willing to pay for whatever benefit you predict.” felice60
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Adjust For My Wife's First Job?
“My wife (32f) and I (40m) have been married for three years.
We currently live in a nice urban area in a condo that I purchased before marriage. What I love most about my current area is that I seldom have to drive. I work in a managerial role in a larger company and generally like my job, especially with the financial stability it provides.
My wife worked after high school for some years before returning to college, and she has been job hunting since last year.
Last month, she had an interview set up a couple of hours away from our home (according to Google Maps it’s about a 1 hour and 43-minute drive, but that could be worse depending on traffic conditions). When she asked if she should go to it, I said it couldn’t hurt if she was interested, but we’d have to talk about the distance and what to do.
Long story short, she got offered the job, and she wanted it badly. The salary is well above the average for her degree. It’s close to what I’m making and I’ve been in this business for years.
She wants to move now. She says that with her other responsibilities, she can’t afford to drive nearly four hours a day.
At first, I told her I’d think about it, but two nights ago I broke the news to her and said no. She asked why my job was more important, and I responded that it was because it was stable and all but guaranteed that I could continue working there, while there were no guarantees with hers.
She asked me to meet her halfway and move to about a 30-minute drive from there so I could be at work and home in about 2.5 hours of driving a day, which I refused.
Then she said I could get a job at a whole number of companies near her workplace for a competitive salary, but the thing is I just don’t want to change jobs.
I asked why she wouldn’t look for something closer to us, at which point she started stonewalling me.
Was this kind of a jerkish thing to do? I feel like I might have gotten her hopes up in relation to the potential of working at that job. On the other hand, I feel like asking me to sell our condo and uproot our lives for her first job offer is kind of silly.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You told her you could talk about it if she accepted it, leading to the assumption you two could figure out a way to make it work. You’re not even interested in meeting halfway and to me, that makes you a jerk. Not to mention saying moving for her first offer is kind of silly is a jerk thing to say.” evie_xoxoxo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – shouldn’t have told her to apply if you didn’t want to talk about what happens if she gets it. You’re going to have to move if you have kids anyway. Why not get started now so it’s less of a shock when you do?
Rent your condo out and buy a house.
You could even bank her whole salary for 6 months while saving for a bigger house. That way you’d have a little more time to adjust, and she would be happy knowing she will be moving closer soon. Plus if her job doesn’t pan out, then everything is fine
She could also rent a room or apt near her work – She could look for a ride share/train so at least she can sleep during the transit and not worry so much.
There are options you’re just lazy. Too lazy to consider anyone but yourself.” marheena
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Dad's House Anymore?
“My (15f) parents split custody, it’s pretty random some days I’m home and sometimes I’m by my dad’s.
Dad started going out with Jane a while ago, maybe a year.
She has a daughter Mandy who’s 12 or 13 I think. Then they started spending A LOT of time by my dad’s. They have their own apartment but they’re still always by him.
The first time they stayed over when I was there somehow Mandy ended up in my bed. Her mom has this cot/bed thing she brought to my dad’s for her but somehow I woke up in the middle of the night and she was in my bed. I kicked her out.
Then my dad and Jane said, ‘That was mean and I have a full anyway so I should share’.
There’s other stuff, I have a chair in my dad’s living room I got as a gift. It’s comfy and when I move out it’ll go with me. Well, Mandy always wants to race for the chair.
Even when I win the ‘race’ my dad makes me let her sit in it because they’re guests. So I end up sitting on the floor because my dad has a recliner and Jane lays across the couch. So I stay in my room instead, my dad’s tried getting me to come out there by them, but why when I have to sit on the floor like a dog?
He keeps saying ‘I’m being a difficult teenager’. That’s not it though.
One time my mom and I went and did some stuff before she dropped me off. She had bought me a blanket that had my favorite team’s logo on it. I was excited to sleep with it (stupid I know) so she let me take it by my dad’s.
My dad made me ‘share’ it with Mandy because it wasn’t fair that I got something and Mandy didn’t.
It’s not just the blanket it’s happened with it’s anything that I have I have to share, but if Mandy has something I’d like to use he tells me it’s hers, and if she doesn’t want to let me she doesn’t have to.
One time Mandy was reading one of my books, and Jane and my dad started fighting, Jane wanted to leave so Mandy wanted to take my book but I said no. So she wouldn’t leave. My dad yelled at me to ‘just let her have it’. They made up so I got it back, but if they didn’t I would have lost one of my favorite books.
My dad and I had plans to go ice fishing, just him and I something we’ve done since I was 7. Well, he brought Jane and Mandy along. All they did was complain, ‘It’s too cold’ ‘Fish are gross’ ‘This is boring’. So we left early. He said, ‘Sometimes you have to compromise’.
When I got home I was mad, my mom was annoyed and called him and they argued and he talked to me and repeated his compromising crap.
I was supposed to go back to his place a few days later but decided I didn’t want to, I never even spend time with just him anymore so what’s the point in going there?
I told my mom she said it was my choice. So we told him, and he said ‘I’m just used to being an only child and I can’t be spoiled my whole life’.
And ‘I can’t run away whenever there’s a problem’.
Well since then, his family has been trying to get me to go back too.
AITJ for not visiting my dad anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
Your dad is prioritizing his new partner and his daughter over your needs and wants. Mandy wants something, she gets it.
Your chair? Mandy gets it. Your book? Mandy gets it. Your new blanket? Mandy gets it.
Your dad and Jane enable the behavior, and your dad’s choices have shown you he doesn’t prioritize your relationship with him.
I wouldn’t want to go somewhere where I am made to feel like a 2nd class citizen.
When your dad asks why you don’t want to go over anymore, send him exactly what you have written here.
I am so glad your mom supports you and stands up for you.
Best of luck, OP!” cschmidtusa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Go and collect your things. Stay with your mom for as long as you need.
Your dad doesn’t understand that a compromise is a lose-lose situation. You can tell him that until he treats you with respect, you refuse to see him, and the compromise is that he can have the family he’s always wanted instead.” lesbian_goose
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