People Are Ready To Face Themselves In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
31. AITJ For Not Wanting My Son To Move Back In Even Though He's Being Evicted?
“My adult son (35) is in the process of being evicted and will have no place to live.
He told me I am a terrible person for not letting him move in with me. He said any decent parent would do whatever they could to help their child, even if that meant letting them live at home forever.
Some background. Our son lived with us until he was in his early 20s. He moved out when he got married. When he and his wife divorced, we let him move back in to help him get on his feet.
He went to work in the family business at that time and lived here for over two years. He didn’t pay us a dime and had a room, food, electricity, water, utilities, linens, cable, and wifi. His two sons were always welcome here as well and were provided for.
He failed to save a single penny. When he came home and told us his new girl was pregnant, we told him it was time to move out. If he could afford another baby, he should be able to afford his own place.
He left angry, and never once thanked us for what we had done. He began drinking excessively, missing work regularly and he crashed two cars (no Dui was charged, but I have my doubts). He was eventually fired from the family business, for which we were labeled horrible parents for firing him while he had a new baby on the way.
He was given a second chance, and when the same problems resurfaced, was fired again.
The two sons he already had did not like the new partner, and our son stopped seeing his own kids to make new girl happy.
They went on to have a total of four kids together. Each time they announced a new pregnancy, they told everyone to mind their own business about it; that their choices were none of our concern.
In the last two years, our son has been diagnosed with mental illness, and he has developed a substance problem that resulted in the 4 small children being removed from the home.
They are currently being fostered by our other son and his wife. He refuses to go to rehab or to a mental health facility to get his meds straightened out. He has separated from the second wife and refuses to do any of the steps CPS has outlined for him in order to regain custody of his kids.
I did give him money last month, which he spent on a new tattoo. Now he is being evicted from yet another house. He has no job. His heat has been turned off. For Christmas, I got him an electric blanket, a solar battery that he could use to run the thing, gloves, a scarf, a hat, wool socks, a sweatshirt, and some food.
He got mad that I was preparing him to be homeless instead of offering him a home.
I always swore there was nothing that my kids could do that would make me stop loving them, and that is still true, but does love equal help when he is unwilling to help himself?
AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Refusing To Sell My House To Help My Late Husband's Kids?
“My step-children’s mother wants me to sell my home so that they can receive 50% of the proceeds.
I am refusing. She has told me that I am hurting my late husband’s children and that I am a jerk.
My late husband, David, had 2 children – Thomas and Megan. Their mother, Kelly, had primary custody with David getting the kids every other weekend.
Kelly was just a joy – dragging David into court at every opportunity. If David found a dollar on the street, Kelly would drag him into court to get “her fair share”. David always took care of his kids – paying not just his child support but also much more.
When David and I decided to build our home we set up what would happen if one of us died before the other. Basically the survivor would get the house, but when the survivor died or sold the home – 50% of the proceeds would go to their designated heirs (for David – his children, for me it was my sister).
We were both contributing equally to the new home.
Then in 2018, David decided to change jobs and he was taking 2 weeks off between the end of his old job and the start of his new one. David had almost all of his insurance (including life insurance) through his employer.
He was killed in an accident a week before he was to start his new job. David had a will that left his savings (we kept our finances separate) and 401k to his children – but there wasn’t a large amount.
There was no life insurance. We did have mortgage insurance, so when David died the house was paid off.
Kelly hated me and did everything she could to make her kids do so as well. So it was no surprise we didn’t have any contact after David passed. I was surprised when Kelly reached out to me a couple of weeks ago.
She said that she and the children are struggling financially since she ended up having to close down her business in 2020. She is working now – but at a low-paying call center job. She wants me to sell the house so that half the proceeds would go to the kids and she can use that for their education/medical expenses.
According to Kelly, Megan is having medical issues and needs treatment that her insurance does not cover and Kelly cannot afford.
I said no – I was not selling my home. Honestly I could care less what Kelly thinks – she has been a witch to me since the day I met her.
However David’s parents – whose opinion I do respect – also called to say that they believe it is what David would have wanted. I told them I would think about it. I know my husband loved his children more than anything and would have done anything for them.
Right now – living without rent/mortgage – I am on track to retire very early. I have decided I am not giving that up. His parents told me that David would be ashamed of me for being a selfish jerk which I admit hurt to hear.
AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Buying New Bed Sheets?
“I (39m) have been married to my wife (38f) for over a decade.
About 6 months ago my job switched me to the graveyard shift. It wasn’t my idea, but I’ve only been working there for a couple of years and wasn’t given a choice.
Since the move I’ve been having a horrible time sleeping. I either get home in the morning and lay down and just can’t fall asleep, or I do fall asleep but then wake up an hour or two later wide awake.
My sleep has been horrible. We have two kids (9f and 6f) and it’s affecting my mood around them as well as both my physical and mental health.
I’ve explored every possibility to try to get better sleep. I’ve put up blackout curtains; put in a white noise machine, etc. Those things have helped but only marginally.
I read that darker-colored sheets can be beneficial, as white sheets reflect light and lower melatonin levels. I had no idea if there was any truth to this and I still don’t, but it made sense and I figured it was worth a try.
We’ve always had white sheets for our bed. My wife likes white sheets because she thinks they are more “cool and clean” and can be bleached if they pick up stains. But I wanted to try darker-colored sheets to see if they would help me sleep better.
When I brought it up my wife had just received bad news about her brother. He’s always been in trouble with the law and it turns out he’d screwed up his probation and was heading to prison for a couple of years.
When I tried to talk to her about me buying new, darker-colored sheets she said “I can’t talk about this right now. Who cares about sheet colors?” OK, I get that she was upset, but her brother has been in and out of jail and prison the entire time I’ve known her.
It’s nothing new, and I didn’t really understand why we couldn’t have a simple conversation about changing the color of our bedsheets.
Since it seemed fairly trivial anyway I just went ahead and bought new, dark gray sheets and put them on the bed after I washed and dried them.
When my wife came home later that evening she got upset and said that I should have consulted her first. I told her that I’d tried to consult her but that she blew off the conversation and that I wanted to try out darker sheets to see if they’d help me sleep better.
She said that she only ever wanted to sleep on white sheets and that all I’d done was waste our money buying sheets we’d never use and I answered that it was my bed too. AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Naming My Son After Myself?
“I (F29) was with my ex (M39) for a year and a half.
I own a business that I started and grew before meeting him. He worked/works for his dad’s company.
We started having issues in the relationship when he started to talk about leaving his family business to co-own mine. I would politely but very firmly say no, you don’t have any knowledge about how my company works (think beauty industry vs.
auto industry) and if you want to work in my company you will have to start in areas where your skill set can be applied. You can’t just step in as a new co-owner and not to mention we hadn’t even discussed marriage at this point, I’m not about to hand over half of my business to a guy I haven’t even considered marrying yet, whether on paper or not.
Well anyways the relationship started to become extremely toxic and we were fighting all the time about me “not seeing him as an equal” and “if I respected him, I should be confident letting him into my business as an owner,” I wasn’t being a team player in the relationship, etc. In his words.
I finally had enough so we broke up. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later. When I told him he said to end it or to take him to court when the baby got here but to never contact him again and blocked me.
Well, when I was 8 months along I guess he decided to unblock my number and call me. I ignored the call because I had already spent my entire pregnancy preparing to be a single mom and making arrangements to have my best friend move in with me and help with the baby.
He got mad that I didn’t pick up his call and texted me saying “I don’t really care about our past disagreements but if you have any decency I ask that you name him (ex’s full name).” Idk how he knows it’s a boy if he has me blocked everywhere but I guess he could have used a friend account to look me up.
Well I blocked him and when I had my son I named him after MYSELF. For example, if my name was Julianne, my son is Julian, or if my name was Brenda my son is named Brendan. (Fake names obviously but you get the idea)
Well he’s mad and his whole family is now harassing me on social media and calling my business asking for me by name to cuss me out and because I am at home with the baby, my employees are being harassed.
I feel like I might be the jerk here because I had several baby names picked out that I could have used instead of naming my baby after myself and causing all this drama.
My friend says I should change my baby’s name to something unrelated to both of us but I love his name.”
27. WITBJ For Writing A Bad Review On The Doctor I Saw?
“Backstory: In 2017 I (39F) was pregnant with twins. I always wanted kids and we were over the moon. At 25 weeks it all went to heck, as I discovered a problem, went to the hospital and they found out that both kids had died in my womb.
I was devastated. It took me a whole year to get normal again because I developed severe depression (helped by the fact that there was burnout waiting to happen before I got pregnant). Long story short. I was a mess, had to go to a clinic but learned to live with it.
Now I am a happy Mom of an adorable little girl (almost 2).
A few weeks ago I had a doctor’s appointment and she diagnosed a bursa inflammation in my left shoulder. She prescribed physiotherapy. I got an appointment right away which is a small wonder of its own.
The guy working on my shoulder was really nice and competent, asked about my job and stress level, and said no wonder. The next week I had to cancel all appointments because our little one brought a highly infectious disease home (the one where you get spots at hand, feet, and mouth) and the next appointment I got, the first guy was on vacation.
I got to work with his boss, a woman in her 50s.
She remembered me because I had an appointment back in the day with my first pregnancy. She asked and I told her what happened. I was proud of myself for talking about it calmly.
She then asked for the reason and I told her, there is no 100% sure reason but all of the doctors agreed that there was a problem right at the beginning. She DISAGREED! She told me some esoteric stuff about how during a pregnancy souls have to manifest and my children looked around and decided they didn’t WANT to come to this world.
I completely broke down crying. She basically told me that my kids didn’t want to be my kids after looking at me and my surroundings. I had to work long and hard to accept that I wasn’t at fault.
And then she told me I wasn’t over it because of my left shoulder being so bad and that is the side where the heart resides. Of course I am not over it! You never get over something like that.
You just learn to live with it.
At home I broke down again, and barely managed work the next day. The whole weekend I was in a deep depression, working to climb out by teeth and nails. On Monday I called her and asked if I could switch to her colleague again.
She asked why and I told her very calmly that her words triggered a mental breakdown and I couldn’t take it again. I didn’t make any accusations. She said her coworker was on vacation and she would cancel all appointments and advised me to go to my doctor to get a new prescription.
She didn’t even apologize or offer to work on my shoulder without the talk. I got a new prescription but couldn’t find a free therapist.
WIBTJ if I wrote a review on Google to warn others in similar circumstances?”
26. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Start Looking For A Job?
“My wife and I moved to Germany from the US last November.
We were both born and raised in the US, I also hold German citizenship because my Dad was still a German citizen when I was born.
My wife came here knowing no German and was able to pass an A1 proficiency exam studying with DuoLingo so she could get her German residence permit, which allows her to work legally in Germany.
I earn a decent salary and our bills are paid, but there isn’t much left over, Munich is an expensive area to live in. We have together around 6k in credit card debt incurred when we moved into our new apartment and had to buy our kitchen (apartments in Germany usually come with an unfitted kitchen) and all our furniture.
I have shared a spreadsheet with my wife detailing our expenses because she seems to think we should have more than enough money, and doesn’t understand why I am constantly pouring cold water on her ideas to take a weekend mini vacation, etc. because we simply don’t have the money, at the end of the day we have about 300 EUR left over per month before any kind of entertainment is even factored in.
My son is graduating high school this year, and I want to fly back for the ceremony, then fly him to Germany so he can spend the summer here, all of this of course costs money. She also plans for her kids to visit this summer.
My wife and I also came here to travel around Europe, but financially all we can afford to do is sit around the house.
My wife has zero interest in finding a job, despite my pleas. Every time I broach the subject, she immediately says all the reasons why she can’t, the main reason being she doesn’t speak good enough German.
She is currently enrolled in a language class that meets 3 times a week for 4 hours, outside of that her daily activities mostly consist of sitting on the couch and watching TV. She does some housekeeping chores, I help out, and I for the most part take care of my own laundry.
The bulk of her career she has spent as a Retail Manager and in Customer Service. Her main sticking point is she says she does not speak German, therefore she cannot get a job. The truth of the matter is, there are plenty of companies here that use English as their business language, but every time I bring this topic up to her, it becomes a huge fight, and she frames me as the jerk.
I have tried being nice about it, tried explaining why it is so important with numbers, but nothing seems to reach her. I am exhausted and at my wit’s end. I am not even asking her to just take any job, just to start looking in her area of expertise and if something fits, go for it!
She seems to think 12 hours of school a week is more than enough, and won’t even try and apply anywhere.”
25. AITJ For Telling My Sister That She Needs To Help Financially Support Our Parents?
“Context: My family, Mom (52f), Dad (54m), Me (30m), my sister Neza (27f), and my twin brothers Mark and Lucas (25m), grew up dirty poor. However, my parents always provided us with everything we needed and more. I would say we had a pretty good childhood, filled with love and care.
Somehow, they managed to put us through college, stopping us from going into debt. Sadly, this means that their already hurt finances suffered even more. Out of the four of us, Neza’s tuition was the most expensive, since she decided she wanted to go to college out of the state.
We all tried to talk her out of this, but she was adamant about 1.- Going out of the state and 2.- My parents paying for her. In 5 years of college, she never had a job.
About a year ago, my parents confided to me that they wanted to start saving up for their retirement, but they were unable to since they were still paying loans they took to pay for college and other expenses.
I decided to tell my siblings and came up with a plan to give our parents an “alimony” (don’t know if this is the right word), for my parents to be able to save some money while staying on top of the bills.
All my siblings agreed to contribute to this “alimony” and I have written proof of that. I made the arrangements, set up the account and we started paying. Since I was the one that came up with the idea, I am paying 50% of the total amount, the twins pay 15% each and Neza pays the rest.
Neza hasn’t been paying what we agreed to almost since the beginning. She always has an excuse to not pay even tho we all know that she has the means to do it. Yesterday I went to collect the payment and I realized that Neza, again, had not made it and there was even money missing from the account.
Not going to lie, I was furious, because my siblings and I made an agreement, and she was violating that. I send her a text message:
“This is the last time I talk to you about this. You have the moral obligation to contribute to our parent’s finances given that they are mostly ruined because of you.
Make the payment or I will take you off the account and tell my parents they raised an ungrateful woman”.
She later called me screaming and yelling at me that I am not her father, and she can do with her money whatever she wants to.
She said that our parents made the choice to pay for her college and she owes them nothing.
I told the twins what happened, and while they agree with me, they also said Neza was right. She does not owe our parents anything, but would be nice of her to try and repay them.
AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Not Giving My Laptop Back To My Parents?
“I (17f) got a belly button piercing a month ago. I went alone after work and didn’t tell my parents because they’re very religious and very strict.
Well, yesterday morning, I was in the living room with my mom and took off my hoodie cause it was getting hot.
My shirt underneath rode up a bit and when my mom saw my piercing, she freaked. She started yelling at me and called me a ton of insults. She called my dad, who was at work, to tell him about my piercing.
He drove home and they both continued yelling at me. My mom said I’d either have to take my piercing out or leave home. I said that I wouldn’t take it out cause I paid for it and I didn’t see how it was such a big deal cause I can cover it with a shirt.
My mom kept saying that only “loose girls” get piercings like those and that I had disappointed them. I was fuming.
I went up to my room while they followed me to keep yelling at me. They eventually left me alone but not before telling me that if my belly button piercing was still in tomorrow, I’d be on the street.
When everyone was asleep, I packed my bags and left home, took the subway, and went to my Grandma’s place, she lives on the other side of the city. She gave me a key to her house since my University’s campus is about a block away so I’m usually free to be there in between classes or overnight if I’m too busy to commute home.
I didn’t want to wake her up since it was late so I just set up in the guest bedroom. When I woke up, I had so many missed calls and texts from my parents asking to know where I was.
My Grandma was downstairs and asked me what had happened. I told her everything and she agreed it was overkill and sided with me. My parents called again and I told them I wasn’t coming home.
They lost it and demanded I bring my laptop back since they bought it for me as a graduation gift. I can’t give them the laptop since I use it for school and it’s just unreasonable, but I told them I’d pay them back the full amount of the laptop.
It’s more than half of my savings from work but I don’t care if it’ll get them to leave me alone. They still refused though, they want the actual laptop back. I said no and hung up.
My Grandma thinks they’re being petty and childish but my Aunt called me and said what I did was crappy since the laptop technically belongs to my parents. AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Enrolling My Kids Into My Partner's Kid's School?
“We’ve been together for almost two years. It’s been rocky but the love is definitely there.
When we started out, our sons were friends. His son would visit us and the kids got along great. My ex got involved and he stopped bringing his son around, which I understood. So the kids stopped seeing each other but we didn’t.
Fast forward to now, and I’m in a difficult place. Single mom to three, struggling with my mental health and keeping it together every day. All I want is more and better for my sons and it beats me up that I’m unable to do anything.
Their father is a vindictive deadbeat that withholds money “so I’ll suffer” as he put it. Making his 3 kids suffer as well. It’s insanity but I’m slowly working through the courts to get away from him.
So I’ve never really been able to work because my kids have varying schedules and employers almost always require flexibility which I don’t have.
My partner mentioned the school his son goes to and the fact that they have free, in-house after-school program. Not having anyone to watch my boys has been the reason why I can’t get a job.
So I applied for my two boys to go to his son’s school.
They got accepted and the after-school program has space for them. I need this because I have a remote job starting on Oct 11th. It’s just perfect.
I told him and he’s not happy about it. He says I’m violating his boundaries because he wants to keep his relationship with me and his relationship with his son’s mother separate.
I said that doesn’t have to change. I don’t know this woman and she doesn’t know me. Our kids are not friends anymore thanks to him so what’s the issue?
I kept asking for a straight answer and he just says he doesn’t like it.
His partner and his ex/baby mama’s kids all in one school, like something wrong is bound to happen. I don’t buy it.
While we are arguing on the phone about it, he asks a stranger in the street if I’m wrong and of course they agree with him.
His reasoning was something along the lines of if we break up, he doesn’t want two failed relationships in the same place as like a reminder I guess? Idk.
His son doesn’t live with him. He sees him maybe twice a month.
I’m not looking to embarrass or interfere with his two separate lives and his privacy, but I really need to go to work.
I feel like things are finally coming together for me for once and he wants to ruin that for no good reason other than he wants things to go his way.
He doesn’t offer an alternative and he hasn’t been helping me financially. I have to do what I gotta do and I’m not stepping on his toes so what is the issue?
I understand wanting privacy and keeping things to yourself, but he’s like borderline secretive and deceptive to me, I can’t shake the feeling and I don’t trust his excuse.
What do y’all think? Am I wrong for trying to enroll my two sons in my partner’s son’s school even though he doesn’t want me to? Or is he wrong for putting his selfish needs above mine and my boys when he knows I need this right now?”
22. AITJ For Telling My Wife That I Don't Want Her Mom Helping Us Out Anymore?
“My wife and I have a 2-year-old son.
About a month ago his daycare center closed its doors due to staffing issues. We were given 1-week notice before they closed and had to scramble to find someone to care for our son during the day as we both work full-time.
Luckily, her mom doesn’t work and was able to come to help us out. We’ve been looking for a new daycare but it’s been a struggle. So, for the last month my mother-in-law has been living with us.
I know my son loves his grandma time and mother-in-law is good with him.
I will also admit that mother-in-law does help out around the house with small stuff like dishes and laundry that I do appreciate. But at the same time, it’s been a month and I am just feeling very cramped in my own house.
I wake up and mother-in-law is there, usually on a video call with her sister having coffee in the kitchen. I come home from work and mother-in-law is there. I try to watch TV and mother-in-law is there. It’s just getting to be a lot for me.
I find myself being very short with my wife and just being angry a lot. My wife has noticed and I told her I’m frustrated with the daycare situation and just stressed with having mother-in-law here. She told me that her mom is doing us a huge favor and I need to******* up and deal with it.
This past Monday I had a particularly bad day at work so I got home already in a rough mood. During dinner, mother-in-law just kept going on and on about her sister’s kids and some problems they were having. I didn’t say anything I just kind of kept my head down and ate my dinner.
My wife noticed I was quiet and asked me if I was ok. I told her I just had a rough day and I was fine.
A little later I was on my phone looking through emails about a new daycare and my wife asked me again if I was ok.
I told her I was fine, just trying to find a new daycare. Not even 15 minutes later she asked me again and I kind of snapped at her that if she asked the question 6 more times maybe she’d get a different answer.
Mind you, every time she asked me if I was ok, mother-in-law was right there too so it wasn’t like I could tell my wife that living with her mom is driving me nuts.
I then decided to take the dog for a walk to clear my head a bit and mother-in-law said she’d come with, I just about screamed. The entire walk I just listened to her babble on about whatever thought came into her head and by the time we got home I was mentally exhausted.
I just wanted to go to bed but my wife asked me again if I was ok. I finally told her I didn’t want to talk about it because it’s not going to change anything, and the last time I told her how I felt she told me to******* up, so why should I open up to her.
I told her I just want to go back to our old life and have some privacy in our house again. She got defensive and told me her mom is doing us a huge favor and it’s short-term and I just need to deal with it.
She told me I’m being a jerk for letting it affect me so much and acting like a petulant teenager about it.”
21. AITJ For Telling My Roommate That We Can't Have Chocolate In The Apartment Anymore?
“6 months ago, I (22f) needed a new roommate after my last one moved out to live with her partner. My new roomie, (we’ll call her Tina) had a cat, and I had no issue with that.
The apartment building allowed pets, so it was fine. The only thing was, Tina wanted to ban house plants from the apartment because she had a bad experience with her cat eating a house plant and getting very sick a few years back.
I’ve always kept plants, my whole life. Some of my plants I tended to for years, and I was emotionally attached to them, but I understood why she would want them gone, so we reached a compromise. We sat down and googled every single plant I had to find out if they were poisonous to cats, and threw away anything that was even slightly poisonous, and unfortunately that ended up being all of them.
I’ll admit, I was greatly disappointed. I poured years of my life into those plants, and it might seem stupid, but they were important to me. But at the end of the day, I know the cat’s life trumps the plants, so I threw them out, but I wasn’t happy about it.
And I never got back into keeping plants, because I felt like I had lost so much progress, and I didn’t want to have to start over, but I do miss it.
I did, however, end up getting a puppy.
I talked it over with Tina beforehand, we carefully introduced her cat to the puppy, and everything went smoothly! Things were going great, until three days ago.
I came into the kitchen and found a chocolate bar on the floor, wrapper open, and half eaten.
Luckily, my puppy was doing crate training, so he couldn’t have gotten to it, but the fact that it was on the floor bothered me.
I went to Tina and asked her about it, and she said her cat must’ve knocked it off the counter, where she left it.
I asked her to please be more careful and to keep it where neither pet can get to it… she totally dismissed it and deflected all blame. She basically shrugged it off.
Then today, I found another chocolate bar, unopened this time, on the couch, as I was bringing my puppy back inside from his walk, so again, luckily he did not get the chance to go for it since he was still on the leash… but the fact that it was laying where he might have gotten the chance bothered me a lot.
I brought it up to Tina again and reminded her that I threw away my plants for her cat and that I deserved the same consideration for my puppy. She didn’t seem to understand why it was a big deal since my puppy never got the chance to go for it.
I explained to her that the only reason he didn’t is because he’s very young, and so I’m constantly keeping a close eye on him. If I had not been so vigilant, he 100% could have gotten it.
I told her she’s being a hypocrite, and if she gets to ban houseplants, I get to ban chocolate, since she can’t seem to be responsible with it, and she said that’s not the same thing, because one is about her eating habits, and the other is “just a hobby.”
AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Yelling Orders At My Wife During A Tornado Warning?
“We had known that a big storm and possibly tornados were on the way. We discussed a plan with my parents in the event of an emergency, which was to leave our trailer and get to their house (a hurricane fortress.
Not tornado though.) We know their house stands a better chance than our doublewide.
At a lil past 1 am, we get the warnings. No big deal so far, but I double-checked the radar and we were about 30 minutes out and directly (DIRECTLY) in the path.
Now generally she and I have a pretty good understanding of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. She is caring, kind, and nurturing, but she does not have a good flight or fight response; she freezes. When adrenaline hits she loses the ability to think on her feet.
I am not faulting her here, people cannot help their response and it would take intense training to try and only maybe change it.
I am almost the exact opposite. I have a security background. Mostly residential or hospitality, but I got my start working in a jail.
Emergency prep, quick assessment, decision-making, and clear thinking under stress. Those are my skills.
What I lack though is the ability to consider one’s feelings during those times.
So it is 1 am, warnings go off, we are 30min out in a danger zone.
I wake up my wife, explain the situation. As I am trying to contact my parents she is like, trying to rationalize staying in bed. Telling me but it’s raining, or that it’s 1 am…
At that point my empathy turned off.
No time for conversation. To me, at decision time we follow through. No time to discuss, we can talk about it after.
So I cut her off, abruptly, by shouting her name at the absolute top of my lungs, and then started issuing orders once I had her attention.
Was it nice? Of course not. Until that point our conversation had eaten up time and she had not even budged, rolled over to look at me, and I still had to gather our daughters. I was not comfortable with a 30min lead when I would need a second trip to get our animals.
So no, it was not nice, but it got her up and moving instantly while I got the kids.
We were able to get across the street quickly after that, sheltering nicely. The warning was soon canceled after we arrived, the best possible outcome….
But she is still mad, seeing the storm pass as if we should have just ignored the warning. Telling me again, that it is 1 am and I didn’t have to shout. As if a tornado keeps track of time. I’m not mad at her for being mad at me.
I understand she’s sleepy but… For real “…but it’s 1 am” when I tell you the thing we were worried might happen is probably about to happen NOW.
Idk. I don’t feel foolish as you always plan for the worst and hope for the best. I know most of these warnings fall flat, but this was aimed straight at my neighborhood with only 30 minutes to move.
Also she has a habit of falling back asleep if you don’t keep pestering her to wake up. We just didn’t have time for the normal pester routine. (She busts her butt, not faulting my sleepy baby.)
Idk guys? AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit For My Friend?
“I (28F) have a friend Lauren (27F) who recently became single in the last couple of months. She has 4 children ranging from 6 months to 4 including 2-year-old twins. The children’s grandmother would watch them for a couple of hours in the morning for free when her ex went to work until Lauren got home.
Lauren has accepted a new job that pays a few more dollars an hour than her previous one. The hours no longer work for grandmother because she is working during those hours and cannot quit working to watch them full time.
Lauren messaged me asking since I’m a “stay-at-home mom” if I could watch her kids temporarily until she got a new sitter. However, grandmother started watching her oldest when he was born and that was supposed to be temporary.
When she was sick and unable to watch the children, Lauren has been known to short babysitters on payment or lie about the working hours. She’s been banned from two (that I know of) local social media babysitter groups for this behavior.
So I don’t believe this would really be temporary.
That being said, I am not a SAHM. I work 3 months straight with 16-18 hour days offshore and it’s not uncommon to be awake for two straights. I also have one month I work straight.
I have 4 children (2, 4, 6, and 10) and half my check goes straight to a nanny we pay to get our oldest children to the bus on time, pick up from the bus and take care of the other two during the day until husband gets home from work.
I declined Lauren’s offer and did not offer to help find a new sitter given her history of burning babysitters. I don’t want to get my name entwined with hers if we ever need another. I explained to Lauren I need my months off and taking care of my youngest two is already draining enough after coming back exhausted from work.
Also, after Christmas I leave for one month. She said I’m a stay-at-home mom with a part-time job and have nothing else going on. I got upset and pointed out she works 40 hours a week for roughly 2,080 hours a year.
Where I have, at minimum 1,920 hours a year with 16 hours 7 days a week but mine is just all at once for the most part. I suggested she try care.com
She doesn’t want to pay and said I don’t understand how expensive childcare is.
I do. I pay $30,000 a year for our daytime nanny during those 4 months. We are in an LCOL area. She’s retired military and is very happy with her pay. To the point she doesn’t make any long-term commitments with other families during my off months.
My last message to Lauren basically stated I wouldn’t be able to watch her children and that I leave again soon. When I return I’ll have to get turned around and leave for 3 months again. With my schedule, I would not be a reliable sitter and that she needs to secure stable childcare now.
She said I was a jerk, didn’t understand what she was going through, and couldn’t make a social media post to recommend her some sitters. AITJ for not watching her children and not posting in a babysitter group she’s banned from?”
18. AITJ For Telling My Roommate He Needs To Fix His Snoring Or Move Out?
“About two months ago, one of our roommates developed a snoring problem. It used to be a night here or there, now it’s every night without fail. And it’s bad. We all sleep with our doors closed, most of us are fairly heavy sleepers, but we all get woken up by his snoring.
It practically shakes the whole house, and even the people living in the basement on the other side of the house can hear it!
We’ve tried just about everything we can, stuffing clothing under doors to try and help soundproof rooms and wearing earplugs.
I have some issues with ear infections so I can’t, I wear earbuds and try and play music instead. But, even these measures aren’t enough to drown out the sound. It’s like he’s full-on screaming at this point!
All of us have been losing sleep, and despite being as earnest and helpful as we can, our roommate does nothing.
I don’t want to speak for him, but he seems to be of the mindset that because it doesn’t keep him awake, it’s not an issue. But all of us are at wit’s end. Unless we can get to sleep before him and end up in a deep enough sleep not to wake up in the middle of the night, we’re all just about guaranteed not to get any sleep.
We’ve bought him snoring strips, encouraged doctors appointments, told him it could be a sign of health issues and he really should get it checked out. He does nothing, we all remain sleepless and grow more irritable by the day.
I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention that this guy has $$$ and good health insurance, so it’s not a money issue for him that he won’t go in to a doctor.
Since this clearly isn’t sustainable, we roommates finally came together and decided we had to draw the line.
As the most confrontational of us, I was elected to deliver an ultimatum: get help to stop the snoring, or we ask our Landlord to remove him from the lease/deny a renewal of his lease. Obviously, this was not received well.
Our roommate feels we are picking on him for something he can’t control, and also feels that it is unfair for us to threaten his housing situation over this.
Now, we can understand him being upset about the housing thing, it’s a big deal to have your roommates hold something like that over your head.
That being said, we feel like he hasn’t given us a choice. He’s made himself impossible to live with, so to us, it stands to reason that unless he is willing to at least work with us as his roommates and TRY to do something about the snoring, he needs to find somewhere else.
It also doesn’t seem fair that we should be the ones displaced since we aren’t the ones being difficult to live with. And it isn’t like we’re saying stop snoring or get out, we’re just asking him to actually try to solve the issue.
Anyway, he’s very angry, we fluctuate between feeling justified and feeling bad. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Wanting To Wear The Wedding Dress That Suits My Style?
“My (f24) fiancé Gabe (m26) and I got engaged a while back and have been planning our wedding. Gabe and I aren’t really “traditional” people, and that’s part of why we get along so well.
So I was looking into wedding dresses a few weeks ago and I found one that I loved. It’s a purple gown with pink lace and it fits like a glove. I’ve always found plain white dresses boring and it seems like this purple one was made for me.
I asked Gabe for his opinion on whether I should go for a more traditional dress, and he said that I should get whatever dress would make me happy and that I was the one getting married in it.
Last night, my mother called me and asked about dresses.
I told her I found one that I really liked (leaving out details because I knew she would try to talk me out of it). She seemed deeply offended that I didn’t want to wear her wedding dress, which has been in her family for generations.
Ever since I was a child, she’s been talking about how she can’t wait to see me walk down the aisle in that stupid dress. And since I was like thirteen, she’s constantly had me try it on and “model” it for her.
I’ve always hated the thing but never said anything because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
I gently told her that I didn’t want to wear her dress and I was in the process of purchasing one of my own, which she took as an offense.
She also brought up that my two older sisters, Clair (f29) and Ally (f32) wore the dress and that my younger sister Hailey (f20) was already planning on using the dress when she gets married. She said I was “breaking tradition” by not using it.
I made up an excuse to end the call and a few hours later I got one from my sister Clair. She said that I should just wear the stupid dress to make my mother happy and that it was her “life’s dream” to see all four of her daughters wear it, and eventually her granddaughters.
(I’m not even kidding, she’s already saying that Clair’s newborn girl will be beautiful in the dress). I said that it was my wedding and me and Gabe have already decided that I should wear the dress I want.
I got frustrated and hung up on Clair. A while later, Ally called me and said that I should wear whatever I want, but my mother and Clair haven’t talked to me since.
AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Ruining The Plans I Made For His Birthday?
“I’ve (23F) been with my partner (27M) for a year and a half and his birthday was coming up. I’m not the type of person to do grand gestures but he’s the first person I see myself settling down with and I wanted to do something special. A month ago I asked if I can plan his b-day, he agreed and seemed excited. So I started and decided to do it at this really nice and pretty well-known restaurant in our city, and since my dad knew the owner I asked for special favors.
I asked to do some signature drinks and I even placed an order of specialized pastries and desserts from this cute bakery and was given the go-ahead to bring it. There was also a lot of headache surrounding the attendees as I was only allowed to reserve for 10 people.
There was a lot of communication going on. This was happening during my summer courses so I was somewhat stressed.
Fast forward to yesterday night, he called and proceeded to tell me that his mom wanted the entire extended family for his birthday and it would be best to have it in her house.
He said he tried to tell her no but his grandma intervened and he gave in. His birthday is literally 5 days away and it’s honestly unbelievable that he would relent when I spent all this time and energy into planning it and I’m so embarrassed that I made so many demands from the owner and then had to call and say “oops never mind.” He was really apologetic but I still can’t believe someone would do this, especially since I was communicating with them.
He told me we can still go to the restaurant at lunch just the two of us and then go to the party at his parents’ house. He said he really wants to spend his birthday with me and he’ll make it up to me.
I told him I can’t even think about spending the day with him much less his mom, after being so inconsiderate.
I’m really conflicted, it’s his birthday, but this is upsetting. I’m angry at both him and his mom. I don’t think I can stomach being polite.
WIBTJ if I don’t spend his birthday with him?”
15. AITJ For Defending My Friends After They Made Jokes About My Fiancee?
“My m30 fiancee f32 works as a security guard in one of the malls in the city.
She’s well-educated and very smart. Now I don’t really care about who does what for a living but she keeps complaining about my friends (especially guy friends) playfully teasing her about her job saying it’s manly and making passive comments like “oh here comes the security guy” or call her “mall cop” and making security guard related jokes.
I told her this is who they are they like teasing and it’s part of our bonding activities and shouldn’t be taken seriously but she said she didn’t like it and it had to stop.
I explained to the guys that this isn’t cool and they needed to tone it down and they apologized and we moved on from this issue.
Days ago we were all hanging out at the bar. My fiancee joined us and then there was some noise coming from the back. We all looked up and saw a couple yelling at each other. The lady yelled for the bouncer to come but one of my friends shouted back while pointing at my fiancee saying we got a security guard over here and he’s going to handle the situation.
The entire group laughed except me. My fiancee looked around and saw some folks staring. She yelled at my friends calling them ignorants and they stopped laughing then she got up took her purse and rushed out. I followed her and we went home by an Uber.
My friends kept texting me about how hurt they were my fiancee called them ignorants.
I told her it was just a joke and she overreacted and called my friends hurtful names. She was shocked she told me it’s weird that I feel so strongly about defending them but not doing the same for her when they keep throwing hurtful comments about her job and insulting her all the time.
I said yes I get she felt offended but it was a joke while her insult wasn’t and let’s say that she finds it very offensive, still she should’ve been the bigger person and had some grace. I still think she overreacted and caused some tension.
Also if she doesn’t like being with them then she doesn’t have to, end of story. They treat me well and are standup guys generally. She said fine she will no longer be around them but I should stop making her go to events where they’re present which I’m not.
I went to bed but couldn’t sleep because she was crying. I ended up taking the couch and called my sister to vent and she said yes my friends can be a bit much but my fiance should loosen up a bit and take a joke.
AITJ for that?”
14. AITJ For Accepting A Free Drink From A Guy While I Was Out With Another Guy?
“I have no idea if I’m in the wrong here.
So, I was texting back and forth with a guy for about a week that I met at a football game. We had seats next to each other, struck up a conversation, and exchanged numbers.
Seemed pretty normal in texts and definitely looking for a relationship. I was honest I was up in the air for anything hahaha not that I didn’t want a relationship but I’m not actively seeking one.
So boom, he invites me out to dinner at a nice bar and I was going out with my friends later that night so I figured it would be a cool pre-game before I met up with my friends.
Things are going pretty okay and we just grab some wings to share and a charcuterie board along with a bottle of wine. When the waitress comes back she has all the appetizers, the wine, and a shot.
The guy tells her we didn’t order the shot.
And, she points over to a guy sitting at the bar and says he sent that over for me. He then tells the waitress that we didn’t need it and that he appreciated the offer though. I’m not one to waste free beverages and I tell her that’s fine she can leave it.
I was sitting facing the bar and just as the waitress leaves I’m grabbing the shot and the guy who sent me the drink turns around and gives me an across-the-room cheers motion with his drink. I do the same and I’m about to take the shot and my date is like “are you really going to accept a drink from another guy while we are on a date?” I tell him it’s just a drink and it’s not a huge deal and I don’t even know that guy.
Then, I take the shot and try to keep talking.
He’s not eating and barely interacting then he just gets up and heads over to the bar. He goes up there, closes out the bill, and walks out the door.
Totally leaving me there.
I tried to text him the next day and he basically said I disregarded his feelings and that I was a bit of a jerk the way I brushed off what he was saying and taking that shot was like a slap in the face.
I really don’t think I’m in the wrong. I didn’t flirt with the guy and he wasn’t an ex. I don’t even know the bar stranger. If my date didn’t make a huge deal about it we could’ve enjoyed the rest of the night.
So, am I the jerk?”
13. AITJ For Hating The Engagement Ring My Fiance Got Me?
“I am 27 F & my fiancé is 29 M. We have been together for around 3 years & just recently got engaged. We had talked about marriage before & I showed him a few pictures of rings that I liked & that were my style & told him my ring size which is an 8.
I do like slightly bigger diamonds cus I have chunkier fingers & I feel like small diamonds kinda get lost on my chubby hands. I know real diamonds the size I wanted would be wayyy too expensive so I looked into moissanite & found beautiful rings so I even told him I didn’t want expensive real diamonds I just wanted moissanite in order to get a bigger rock & my style & as long as it didn’t turn my finger green.
So skip to the engagement day, it was overall really beautiful & I obviously said yes. When he went to put the ring on, the ring itself was too small.. it fit but it made my finger look like the Michelin man & it was the complete opposite of everything I showed him (note: I like simple minimal bands, this ring was vintage looking & very busy & the diamond was really small.) Even the metal color was not what I showed him.
I still said the ring was pretty but I obviously wasn’t elated or beaming with happiness over it. I was actually pretty hurt he didn’t listen to anything I told him & thought he didn’t care.
I sat on these thoughts & feelings for a few days & I tried my hardest to love the ring even tho it didn’t feel me at all.
I even told myself I could lose a few pounds so the ring could fit better. After about a week I decided to open up to him about everything & he got really mad. I asked him why he bought this specific ring knowing what I liked?
& he said it was the ring his mom & grandma helped him pick out & cus they said the ring was nice. I asked how much the ring cost & it was wayyy more than the moissanite rings I showed him.
I asked him if he could take the ring & return it & we just buy the one I liked which was much cheaper & told him he could have that extra money back for himself. He’s still soooo mad at me saying how ungrateful & spoiled I am & hasn’t even tried to return the ring.
It’s been an awkward few days. I even tried getting him to put himself in my shoes & pretend I got him a gold ring instead of his black ring but he just doesn’t get it.. (note: he HATES gold jewelry & told me he loved the way black rings looked so that’s what I got him… what he likes.)
I know it’s such a dumb situation over a ring, but it really hurts me & makes me feel like he didn’t take into consideration anything I told him about what I like. It’s not like I want a $10k huge diamond ring.
The rings I liked are literally $1k-$2k cheaper than what he got me. I know it’s just a ring, but it’s a ring I’m going to have & stare at for the rest of my life & it doesn’t feel like me at all.
Am I just being dramatic & being a jerk??”
12. AITJ For Complaining To My Wife That I'm Tired?
“My wife (26F) and I (29M) got married a couple of years ago and had our first baby back in August. My wife decided to take a long maternity leave as she wanted to spend as much time as possible with the baby and I’m working full-time.
Since the first week of pregnancy, I’ve taken over doing all of the house chores. The only thing my wife was comfortable doing was laundry and often I’d have to help with that as well.
Now the baby is here and I still do all of the chores, but now also look after the baby whenever I can.
The baby gets fed on average every 4 hours, and on work days I feed the baby at 11 PM and 7 AM (before I leave for work), and my wife does one feed somewhere in the middle of the night so that I can get at least some sleep.
On Saturday I’d also do the middle of the night feed to allow her to have 1 good night of sleep and she feeds the baby at 11 PM, middle of the night, and 7 AM on Sunday so that I can get some sleep.
On the weekends, my wife will usually go out with her friends and family for 6+ hours, taking the baby with her, leaving me alone to clean the house and cook, with no time to rest.
Recently I’ve started to feel exhausted from all of this.
I literally had 60 minutes to myself every day, 30 of which was lunch at work.
One day last week I came home absolutely shattered because we had a massive delivery of very heavy boxes and they needed unpacking and storing. I literally came through the door, said hi, how was your day, and sat on the sofa.
Wife asked me if I’m alright and I said “Yeah, just very tired”. That apparently didn’t land very well. Her response was “Well, I’m tired too, but you don’t see me complaining.” I asked her if the baby’s been giving her a hard time.
Her response “No, it’s been good, but I still need to look after it. We went out for a walk to give it some fresh air, kept making sure it’s ok and it’s very mentally taxing to make sure it’s happy.
I am tired too all the time, but that’s what comes with being a parent and you should have been prepared for it. If you’re not tired all the time, you’re doing it wrong. We don’t get any time to ourselves anymore, he takes up both of our time.
By you saying you’re tired you’re making me feel guilty that I’m not doing enough.”
I just wanted to tell my wife how I was feeling. I said I’m tired because I was genuinely tired after a hard day at work, but from further conversation it turned out that if I say I’m tired my wife will not ask me for help with anything because by me saying that, she understands “Leave me alone, I’ve had enough”.
I told her that I should be allowed to say I’m tired just as she is, and just because I’m tired I won’t stop cooking dinner, looking after the baby, and doing stuff for her, I’m just… tired.
We left the conversation at: We will not be saying the word “tired” anymore because we both should expect to be tired at all times because that’s what babies do to humans.
AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Banning My Son From Playing Video Games After He Didn't Listen To Me?
“My son’s (16) favorite activity is video games, something which he looks forward to most of the time. I’m a pretty laid-back Dad, but I do ensure there are limits, so I don’t let him play for more than 2.5 hours a day so that he can focus on the more important stuff in his life.
His bedroom is all the way across my own, but 3 days ago, he shifted his setup in the study room next to mine for better internet connection, and I have been able to hear him talking to either his friends or random people online while gaming.
He uses the term ‘autistic’ to my surprise in an attempt to insult or ridicule people he plays with or against I’m not too sure. Whatever it is, I’ve never really appreciated autism being used as an insult, having grown up with my brother who is on the spectrum.
So I brought up the issue with him the same day, and I told him strictly how I did not want him to use autism in such a way, to which he didn’t argue, but gave a rather confused expression and just said okay.
Then the day after, he uses it again, and I remind him more firmly this time, intercepting his game to tell him off. He quickly dismisses me to get back into his game, but he confirmed to not use it again so I left it.
Then finally yesterday, he went back at it again.
After his session, I told him that he was not allowed to play any video games for the next 2 weeks as punishment for disobeying me when I told him 3 times to not use it.
He got extremely annoyed. I was not expecting such a reaction from him, he tried to argue with me for a whole hour about how he didn’t think of autism as something bad but was using it in a different context.
I do understand that he doesn’t think autism is bad on the inside, but to use it as an insult in his game however he does it, gives off that message.
My wife thought that banning him for 2 weeks was too much and a day should be plenty, but after he ignored me for 3 days straight I disagreed, so we had a little conflict there.
My son is showing a lot of attitude and not talking to me, so I’m wondering if this was an overreaction from me?”
10. AITJ For How I Reacted When A Guy Called Me "Angel"?
“So I (17F) am in high school. Today while in study hall, I was sitting and chatting with some friends when a guy tapped me on my shoulder.
I should mention that I don’t know more about this guy than his name. We’ve never spoken, so he isn’t my friend or even someone I’m really acquainted with. He gave a smirk and said:
“Hey angel.
Pass me that paper over there?”
It definitely wasn’t said in a friendly way. To me it felt very condescending, especially because I don’t know the guy. My reputation to people who don’t know me is kind of “the serious/nerd girl” as I’m at the top of the class and president of a few honor societies/clubs, so I did feel like he was trying to get under my skin.
“Here you go. Don’t call me that.”
I didn’t smile, but I feel like I wasn’t overly sharp or angry-sounding. I just said it very straightforward, no pleases or niceties.
The guy gets his paper and I walk back to my table.
A friend (we’ll call E) looks at me, giggles a second, and says “Wow. Aggressive!”
Me: “What do you mean? I just said I didn’t want to be called that.”
E: “Yeah but when that happens you just gotta ignore it.”
Me: “If I ignored it, it would seem like I was fine with it. I wasn’t, so I said so.”
E: “You could have said it nicer. It was just a pet name.”
The other girls at my table agreed with this first friend, so I just brushed it off and went back to working.
I’ve replayed this in my head over and over, and I don’t feel like I was overly aggressive. No yelling or dirty looks, I just felt like it was condescending so I bluntly told him to stop.
Sometimes I’m bad at judging scenarios like this, so when I got home I went to my dad and asked for his opinion.
I was honestly really surprised to hear he felt the same as my friends. He actually went further, saying “in college you will hear a lot worse from guys passing by, so you can either act like you did and face the social consequences or you can be more polite.” I was so taken aback that I didn’t know what to say.
Why should I have to be kind when guys are condescending, or worse? When I asked this he said, “Just because you’re not wrong doesn’t mean it’s going to be well-received socially.”
Again, I feel I am sometimes bad at judging these scenarios, so I’ll leave the judgment to you all.
AITJ for bluntly telling a guy to not call me “angel.” Should I have smiled or said please?”
9. AITJ For Talking Back At The Waiter?
“Local restaurant. It’s family owned and managed. Prices are high but what’s not these days. Decent food. Usually. Wife and kids like it.
I get a braised short rib on mushroom risotto. The fam their usual. They seem fine w/ the food but my short rib is rock hard and bone dry.
The risotto feels like it’s been sitting under a heat lamp for an hour.
I ask for a replacement. The waiter asks why. I tap audibly on the rib. “Super dry”. He seems to get it. (I find out later this waiter is the chef’s son)
Meal goes away and the manager appears, asks me what’s wrong. I explain again – the short rib is dry. She replies the chef (as I later discover – her husband) feels the rib was fine and won’t replace it.
“You don’t know short rib. You’re the ONLY person EVER to complain.”
Whoa she’s angry. That’s unexpected.
“If that’s the chef’s idea of a braised short rib, you should take it off the menu”.
Her eyes flare. I hand the menu back and tell her I don’t want anything else.
She storms off. A few minutes later, I look up and she’s eyeballing me.
The waiter reappears. Asks if I want anything else. “Your manager just wants to belittle me so screw her. Can I just get the check?”
(Note – I WANT to feel bad about saying “screw her”.
I don’t talk badly about wait staff because I’ve been wait staff and it sucks. But this manager REALLY annoyed me.)
Two minutes later, the manager is back.
“How dare you speak to me like that!”
“I wasn’t speaking TO you.
I was talking to your waiter. You belittled me for returning a bad meal. Screw that.”
“My husband’s been a cook for 40 years! How dare you! I’ll call the cops!”
“Do that. Call the cops.”
She leaves and one of my kids starts bawling.
I want to leave. The credit card is sitting there, waiting.
Now her intimidatingly large husband shows up. Wants to talk about ribs & his work experience. His wife returns and I jokingly ask if she’s called the cops yet.
She says something in Russian and her husband says “go away woman”. He keeps talking but I’ve checked out mentally. Finally, he wanders off.
Check is finally paid and we get up to leave. Everyone is staring at us. Fine.
Whatever. I spy the manager still glaring at me. I point at her and say “you have a nice day”. Suddenly, the bartender gets in my face and says “don’t talk to my mother like that”. Threatening.
“What? Shouldn’t your mom have a nice day?”
Finally, we’re gone.
A quick check on Yelp shows this manager has a history of confrontations with customers and says nonsense like “no, that human hair is actually shredded cheese.”
It’s a family establishment. Their pride and livelihood are on the line.
Still….
AITJ? I might be, but I need a reality check. I’ve never had an experience like this.”
8. AITJ For Reaching Out To Ex-Friends To Try And Get Closure?
“A few years ago, my husband & I had a falling out with Quentin & Aurora because of my mental health & changing life circumstances.
It was messy because things were blown out of proportion & they cut contact shortly after we had a talk where I explained to them how I didn’t feel they were supportive enough (I admit it was partially my fault, but I was depressed & didn’t expect them to take it so personally).
I tried apologizing, but Quentin gave me a plain ‘ok’ whilst Aurora left me on read (I found out from my husband later that Aurora was furious at me for downplaying her & Quentin’s efforts to be there for me & for the list I made that helped me communicate my disappointment at them).
I admit that I didn’t handle that conversation well, but respected their decision to have some space.
This incident has been weighing heavily on me & my therapist suggested that maybe I could reach out to have a conversation with them.
My husband asked if I was sure, and I was because this was my chance to either make things right or get some closure. Aurora was hesitant, but Quentin convinced her to at least hear me out. We met at a cafe, & Aurora didn’t seem keen to talk to me & gave very cold replies.
I told them about my journey of getting better mentally, & added that I wanted to talk about what happened last time.
I asked Aurora why hadn’t she responded to my apology back then, & she said that she was under no obligation to reply.
I told her that it was hurtful that my efforts were wasted, & that she couldn’t blame me for my actions because I was depressed. She said that she understood, but that I can’t keep blaming everything on depression & not take responsibility for my actions.
That really stung, & I said that I understood I made a mistake but she should know better since she was also depressed for a period of time. She told me that she never used it as an excuse & reminded me that I was the one who blocked her (I unblocked her a year later).
My husband tried to de-escalate the situation, but Aurora called him an enabler for never telling me the truth about how terribly I treated other people. I told her that she was horrible for punishing me for an illness, & she just shook her head & got up to leave.
Things were awkward, then Quentin left as well after saying that it was a mistake to try to patch the friendship.
I asked my husband if what Aurora said about him was true, but he got defensive & said that I handled the entire thing badly & he didn’t want me to blame him for the repercussions.
I feel absolutely betrayed by everyone at the moment, but not sure if I really am the jerk for wanting closure.”
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Daughter To Go Out With An Older Boy?
“Our 15-year-old daughter (Lisa) recently informed my wife that she was asked out by a popular boy (Rick) at school. Rick is 17 and Lisa mentioned that he would be turning 18 next month. My daughter has never gone out with anyone before, and I was understandably apprehensive about the age difference.
However, that’s not why I decided that I did not want them to see each other.
Our 17-year-old son is in Rick’s class and was friends with him until last year. They’d had a falling out but asked why as I figured it was none of my business.
After I heard that my daughter had made plans to go out with Rick, I asked my son what he thought of Rick and if I was right to be concerned that he had suddenly shown interest in our daughter.
Our son immediately started to beg me to forbid Lisa from seeing Rick because “Rick is no good”. He proceeded to tell me all kinds of horrible things about Rick, particularly stories about how he had mistreated girls he had gone out with over the last two years.
He also mentioned that Rick had been dealing in school the year before, but had apparently stopped this year because he was worried about getting caught and losing his scholarships (he’s a star athlete on the basketball and football teams).
The issue I have is that my son tends to tell lies and make up stories about people he doesn’t like. We’ve caught him doing this before about other people, and about his sister when he was mad at her.
Rick and my son were friends because they’d played sports together growing up, but Rick kept getting bigger and better whereas my son stopped growing around age 15 and then was cut last year from the football and basketball teams. I have some suspicion that he is jealous of Rick, which is why he doesn’t want Lisa to see him.
I tossed and turned all night trying to decide what to do, talked it over with my wife, and we decided that we have issues with the age difference, plus there is the chance that what our son was saying about Rick is at least partially true.
This morning we told Lisa that we don’t want her to go out with Rick this weekend. She immediately started screaming at us, and accused me of being a racist (Rick is black and we’re white), and said that she was going to see him “secretly” anyway.
We’ve grounded her for the weekend and taken away her phone so that she can’t get in touch with him outside of school.
The problem is that I now feel like a jerk. Maybe subconsciously the reason I believed my son’s stories was due to some racial bias I am unaware of?
Maybe I should let my daughter make her own mistakes now that she’s 15? So AITJ for forbidding our daughter from going out with Rick?
Edit:
1) Lisa turned 15 last month. She’s not “almost 16”. However, after talking to my daughter some more, I was mistaken about Rick — he’s not turning 18 next month, he’s turning 18 in January.
2) I took Lisa’s phone because she was being very disrespectful to her mother and me when we tried to talk to her about our concerns about her seeing Rick. She refused to discuss our concerns with us, swore at me repeatedly and accused me of being racist, and threatened to see him anyway.
Taking her phone away and grounding her for the weekend seemed like a reasonable punishment considering how she talked to us. We took her phone away so that she wouldn’t spend the weekend texting with Rick and her friends from school, which is how she already spends most of her weekends when she’s not “grounded”.
3) The reason I talked to my son about Rick is because they were BEST FRIENDS for years and then suddenly had a falling out last year. It’s not because I’m some “misogynist”. I wanted to know why my son seemed to suddenly really hate Rick, out of concern for my daughter’s well-being.
My son had some really disturbing things to say about Rick, most of which I cannot mention here. However, my son has been known to exaggerate in the past, so my concern is that he wasn’t being entirely truthful (or passing on rumors as fact) due to his hatred of Rick.
However, he’s not a pathological liar.
4) We live in Ontario, Canada. The drinking age is 19 here, but we live near the Quebec border. High school kids traditionally go across the border to drink (or to buy booze and bring it back to Ontario) once they turn 18.
This really isn’t a huge concern of mine, because if my daughter is going to drink underage, she’d do it with or without Rick.
5) My wife and I are going to talk to Lisa again later today about the situation.
We’re also going to look into some of the allegations that were made about Rick by our son, and will talk to Rick if we do decide to let our daughter go out with him.”
6. AITJ For Calling My Mom Out On Why She's So Obsessed With My Son?
“When I was 19 many years ago I was home one weekend from college. I had gotten into a huge argument with my partner at a party and called a taxi to my hometown two hours away. My mom was the only one home and she was also inebriated from a few coolers that night.
I spilled my guts out about how my partner was being unfaithful to me and flirting with other girls behind my back to my her. We’re not close at all so I never spoke about my romantic life to her.
To my surprise, she started opening up to me as well. She told me she’s been betrayed before and has even betrayed others herself. She started crying. I got uncomfortable assuming she meant my dad and she said yes and that my father has never betrayed her but she has stepped out on him but never during the marriage.
I was beyond shocked. She told me she told my dad and he forgave her and she never did it again. It happened years before my birth and that in some relationships people can move past it. When she brought up my birth she looked away and I got a sick feeling in my stomach.
I am their only child. We were never really close but I started looking at her different. She never brought it up again and neither did I. We acted like it never happened.
Sadly my dad passed away in July of 2020.
I welcomed my son in November of 2020. He looks a lot like my dad and his side of the family and has his ginger hair and blue eyes that both skipped me. My mom is so obsessed with him. Despite not being affectionate towards me at all and even being rude to me still she always comes to visit my son.
She was holding my son and made a comment about how she’s so “grateful and relieved” that my son and my dad look alike after spending ten minutes berating me for not feeding my son fewer ounces. She’s always trying to parent my son while being a horrible mom to me.
I thought it was an odd choice of word to use and my mind immediately went to the memory she told me of her stepping out on my dad. I asked her what she had to be grateful and relieved for and she gave me a hard look and said to not ask stupid questions.
I knew she knew what I meant. I always wondered if I was my father’s child ever since that conversation back in the day and the way she can’t stop commenting on my son’s resemblance to my dad is so weird.
I said that my son looking like dad is normal since he’s MY son and I’m my daughter’s father. She gave me a dirty look and said I was being weird and that I should be grateful she helps me with my son.
I told her she’s the weird one and she’s only obsessed with my son because she didn’t know if my dad was my dad or not and she was never close to me or cared about me and she’s only obsessed with my son because he’s proof my dad is my dad because they’re twins.
She started crying saying I’m insulting her. AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Refusing To Invite My Fiance's Friend To Our Wedding?
“I (28F) have been with my fiancé Adam since our teenage years. When we first started seeing each other, I met his best friend Nicole (28F).
Since I met her, nothing but red flags.
The whole time, she flirted with Adam, ignored me. To be honest, I was upset with Adam that night too because he never took any action to even introduce me (I have bad social anxiety and autism, and need help in new situations, Adam knew this since day 1).
It got even worse when it became evident that Nicole was a HUGE racist. I am white, so is Adam, but my best friend is Black so this was not okay with me.
After that night, Adam was talking about having a gathering with everyone (me, Nicole, and my friend).
I broke down and told Adam how I felt and why I was upset he didn’t say anything. He was very apologetic, and I have not had direct contact with Nicole since then but she still communicates with Adam.
Now, Adam and I are getting married next fall. Last week he explained that Nicole reached out to him about the wedding since he announced the wedding on social media.
She asked if invites had been sent yet, and Adam told her the truth and that she hadn’t gotten one because I was not okay with her attending.
She got very upset and was using pretty much any insult she could about me over text and said I had no real reason to dislike her.
I talked to my maid of honor “Cam” (27F). Cam told me that the reason I disliked her was valid.
She told me to reach out to Nicole myself to set the record straight. (Cam is the friend I mentioned before)
So I messaged her and told her the truth. That when we were still teens, she disrespected my relationship by openly flirting with him in front of me many times, and by refusing to acknowledge that I existed for months.
And to top it all off, I said that my maid of honor and I were simply not okay with her racism. I told her that until she apologizes for her actions, recent or not, she will not be getting any wedding invites in the mail.
She left me on seen.
Next day Adam was upset with me and when asked why, he said that Nicole was in his DMs telling him how I’m a hateful person and that I’m just jealous I’ve known Adam for less time than her.
She sent him FORGED screenshots of me saying some nasty things that were never actually said. During my whole conversation with her, I was nothing but civil though my petty spirit wanted to say other things. After I calmed Adam down & showed him the real conversation, he moved his anger to Nicole but still told me I should consider her for the wedding because she’s his friend and he would feel weird without her.
I’m not gonna lie, I did laugh. Because I was in shock that despite her clear as day hatred of both me and my maid of honor, he still is defending her. I told him after her behavior, she clearly has no intentions of changing and at this point she’s not getting invited whether she apologizes or not and I’m sorry but his friend can’t come.
He’s been giving me the silent treatment and only talking when needed since. AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Telling A Tattoo Artist That His Work Sucks?
“So I (25m) am in the market for some new ink – I have an idea in mind just looking for a tattoo artist who has the skills to do the piece (my usual artist moved to another city for better opportunities).
I spread the word to my friend group and social media asking if they know anyone, and asked for them to also link me to the artist’s portfolio. My one friend (well not really my friend – but my partner’s friend) got in contact with me and said that he’s a tattoo artist, and would love to do my piece – and at a discounted price too (that honestly made me warier, good art ain’t cheap is my motto for tattoos) so I asked him if he had social media or anywhere I can view his past works – and he told me he doesn’t really do social media (don’t know why but that made me even more apprehensive) but then just linked me to like, a google drive folder.
Looked through all his past works and I told him thanks but it appears that he hadn’t really done what I was looking for previously but that I appreciated the offer.
The piece I’m looking at getting would be a whole shoulder piece – expecting to drop a couple of grand to get this done – and the center point of the piece has a picture of my mom who sadly passed earlier this year so looking for an artist who has prior experience doing realistic faces.
And to be completely real here – he is not a good artist, like mainly does small tattoos of like cartoon characters – and even those are not too good, like no clean lines and shading is just not good.
Even his lettering wasn’t anything to be impressed about.
He asked me for a reason why – and I just said that his previous works weren’t really fitting for what I want done – to keep it civil y’know? But ever since then he or any of his friends or our mutual friends had been going on about that I should just let him do it, even my partner had been on my case about this – the whole time I just played it cool and just confirmed that it’s just not what I’m looking for (it’s been like 2 months – they won’t let it go).
Yesterday, while I was chilling at home after work, doing some more research, my partner comes over with a few of her friends, one of which is the tattoo artist – they again tried to convince me that I should let him do it – and this is where I may be the jerk – so I lost my cool and said “dudes, it’s been over a month – I already said no, so it’s not going to happen!” They asked for the specific reason and not just “his style isn’t what you’re looking for” and in response I said “you want to know the truth?
It’s because you (speaking to the artist) are not a good artist – I looked through your pieces and I honestly feel bad for whoever got you to do them, they’re bad my dude – ain’t no way I’m going to let you permanently mark my body.”
And I’m sure you can expect what happened next, but things got messy. Everyone is now mad at me saying I took it too far – some of my friends say I was right but I shouldn’t have said it.
so, AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Telling My Son His Wife Isn't Welcome In My House Again?
“I (44f) have a twenty-three-year-old biological son as well as three foster children 2 boys (9 and 17) and one girl (12.) I have been a foster parent since my son was four.
I am a social worker as well. He has gone through life understanding the system and the horrors these kids face. The three that I have right now I am planning to adopt. I love them as my own. The last two Christmas’ I have not had my biological son, Tyler, home.
He has spent them with his partner and wife’s, now of eight months, family. I have always respected it. She is much less independent than Tyler and her family suffered the loss of a grandfather so they wanted her there for the holidays.
This Christmas Tyler has been telling me that he and Sonia (my DIL) will spend Christmas with our family. Well, the day before yesterday Tyler told me he feels like he owes a debt to Sonia’s family for the extravagant wedding gift they gave them and he felt pressured to spend another holiday with them.
I didn’t believe him. I know when my son is lying. After pressing for about fifteen minutes he revealed to me that Sonia felt uncomfortable spending Christmas at our home because it did not feel genuine. She says that my foster children are not real family so it takes away from the spirit of the holiday.
I would never let anyone be so disrespectful to Tyler so why would I let this fly with my other children?
I told him fine but if she doesn’t feel comfortable at Christmas then I don’t ever feel comfortable with her around my kids, and she cannot step foot in this house again.
I have always treated her with kindness and respect. I love her because she loves my son and he loves her, but I will not let anyone exclude my children. My husband believes I am going to cause a wedge between us and our son, but right now I am so so disappointed in him.
This is not who I raised him to be maybe a wedge is needed for him to come to his senses. So am I the jerk?”
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Parents Move In Because They Never Believed In Me?
“My (37m) family comes from and is a long line of doctors, being a doctor is the only acceptable profession in their eyes and anything aside from that is met with literal abandonment.
Which is what happened to me when I turned 17 and told my family I was NOT going to be a doctor but to build an acting career/social media career (Youtube wasn’t huge then) and supplement my income with small business endeavors.
When I told my family this they kicked me out and we subsequently lost contact for 17 years.
During time they moved to the UK and my sister became a doctor and my older brother got into a very competitive stream for surgery (neurosurgery specializing in spinal tumor diagnosis and removal), which he has now finished. We reconnected when they told me they were moving back to Sydney for lifestyle reasons and because my brother has found a $ 750k-a-year job.
During the last 2 years they never asked me how my acting career/social media stuff went, and basically assumed I was just slumming in it Sydney. To their credit, they were correct in that I didn’t “make it big” in acting (maybe the world wasn’t ready for a mainstream leading role Indian…), or make it at all.
I did however “make it big” as an investment banker and recently made partner at the bank I work.
This came to a head on Friday when I met them for house shopping (I walked to meet them, and when they asked about my car, I just said I preferred to walk), and they realized the areas they wanted to live; despite being highly paid medical professionals, simply wasn’t going to be happening, as the houses cost north of $20m.
When we decided to call it a day and regroup they suggested going to my place before going out to dinner.
When we arrived at my house they thought I was renting a room and enquired how much rent was, I informed them that I wasn’t renting and that this was my house.
They lost their cool, accusing me of lying to them for years and only meeting up to rub their face in my “probably illegally gained” wealth, and capped it off by informing me that they’ll be living with me now instead of with my oldest brother since they can’t be seen living in a worse house than their son.
I laughed at them and reminded them that they bet on my brother and sister not me, and that they have a better chance of living with my neighbors than me. At that point they threatened to “cut me out of their will”, to which I reminded them of the fact that they can’t even afford to buy in my area, so their will and assets don’t really matter to me.
Now they aren’t talking to me, and my brother and sister are saying I should have been proactive in letting them know of my success (I have a public Linkedin profile, so they literally never googled me).”
1. AITJ For Kicking My Fiance's Mom Out Of My Engagement Party?
“This happened a couple of months ago, but I wasn’t aware that it was an issue until recently when I called and asked if she would like me to bring anything to Christmas and she said we weren’t invited.
I’m going to call my fiancé’s mom Madeline and her partner Robert. So Madeline and I have had a really difficult relationship. I am open to fixing it because I know MILs and DILs have a hard time sometimes, but right now it is very tense.
Also in our social circle weddings are a huge deal. I don’t know if this is a thing everywhere, but around here it is typical for the bride to wear white at all pre-wedding festivities and honestly we are all a little extra.
Madeline also likes to needle people. I heard her once saying she was in love with Robert because he is a jerk back to her. She has also implied she finds me boring because I don’t do the whole sarcasm and ticking people off for fun.
My parents hosted a very nice engagement party for us and Madeline showed up a little late. My mom gave her the obligatory compliment on her dress, and Robert turned to me, smirked, and said I should thank him because Madeline had a white cocktail dress she had planned on wearing, but he spilled champagne on her on a boat a few months ago and she didn’t realize it had stained. I just looked at him kind of like what the heck, why would you tell me that?
Robert laughed, kissed her, and was like sorry baby I’ll buy you another dress. Also it is important to note that my fiancé does back me up but wasn’t there at the moment. My mother was clearly horrified and about to say something, and I was furious.
I asked them both to leave. Madeline said she would leave but don’t expect her to get dressed up for one of my “stupid” parties again if I’m just going to kick her out. My mom told her to leave and never step foot on our property again, so they left and we haven’t heard from them, but that is not abnormal. Madeline and my fiancé don’t really talk anymore, but we always spend Christmas Eve with her.
I texted a few days ago and asked if she would like me to bring anything and she said I wasn’t invited because I kicked her out of our party over a joke that she didn’t even make. I said that we should really put that aside because it is Christmas and doesn’t she want to see her son?
She wrote back lol no. I just feel like she is really overreacting and being mentally abusive by keeping him from the family.”
