People Urge Us To Voice Our Thoughts On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Being A "Bad Influence" On A Younger Teammate?
“I’m (f 18) the captain of a team at my school. We have one underclassman on varsity and the rest are seniors (all F 18-19).
We’ll call her Emma (F 16). I don’t believe in hanging out with teammates unless everyone is present, so I’ve invited Emma to hang out with us every time we get together.
It’s pretty hot where we are and I have a pool in my backyard.
Someone mentioned how cool it would be to go swimming and I invited everyone over. I asked Emma if it was okay with her parents if she comes since she’s a minor. Her mom (f 40?) said it was fine as long as she met my mom (f 41).
Understandable.
Emma came over with her mom and she was nice, she knew my mom from PTA meetings and they had a chat. Her mom left after 15 minutes. When Emma arrived, she was wearing a one-piece. Emma was on her period and didn’t know.
She bled through her swimsuit and shorts. I gave Emma a tampon and one of my suits. I helped her put her clothes in the washing machine so they would be clean when she went home.
Here’s where I might have been a jerk: The next day, my mom gets a phone call from Emma’s mom.
I posted a picture of the team by the pool on my social media and Emma’s mother was mad that Emma was wearing a two-piece. She was also mad that I gave her a tampon and not a pad.
Emma said she had worn one before and it was okay, I didn’t know she hadn’t. She blasted me and my mom saying ‘You two aren’t her mother I am’.
Another thing she’s blaming me for is Emma asked her mom about the birds and the bees.
I make it a point to never mention anything I do with my significant other (M 18) when Emma is around. None of us do, nothing inappropriate is discussed when she’s around or with us. She must have overheard something from one of us, or maybe she didn’t hear it from us.
That is a possibility. I apologized for that and I do feel bad if she overheard. Her mom never communicated any ground rules either, I just assumed to keep it school appropriate.
The last thing her mom got really upset about was that Emma has a crush on a boy (M16) that my SO knows.
She won’t stop talking about him and I mentioned I could maybe introduce them and she got really excited. Her mom got mad and expressed that she didn’t want Emma thinking about boys until she’s ready to get married and I just don’t think that’s realistic, however, it isn’t my call and I respect that, I just didn’t know.
She said that I’m a bad influence on her daughter and I need to stop overstepping or else she’ll pull Emma from the team. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This young woman is 16, for Pete’s sake. Does her mother really think she’ll just gain adult life skills at that magical moment she turns 18?
Wow.
You did Emma a great service by helping her in a ‘monthly’ time of need, washing her clothes, and providing supplies for her so she could stay and hang out with the team… you’re a great captain! Inclusive, sensitive, and caring.
Her mother is a big problem here. Yikes.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You sound conscientious, and I think you handled Emma’s leak in a sensitive manner. I have a daughter about Emma’s age, and based on what you’ve written I’d be happy for her to hang out with you.
Emma’s mom sounds like a lunatic, and you might want to consider looping your mom in on this.
Good luck, and sorry you’re being harassed for trying to do the right thing.” Pghlaxdad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Emma is 16. She is old enough to use a tampon, to have questions about sensitive topics, and to be interested in boys.
And offering her a two-piece was a reasonable solution to the issue you faced, especially considering she was wearing it around other teenage girls. The mom is using you as a scapegoat because she doesn’t want to deal with the reality that her child is transitioning into adulthood.” Charming-Barnacle-15
20. AITJ For Refusing To Fulfill My Mother-In-Law's Requests?
“My partner (31m) and I (26f) have been together for more than 7 years. For background, my partner’s parents are immigrants who moved to the US a couple of decades ago.
They’re the typical rags-to-comfort immigrant story. Now they own a house, are healthy, relatively young, still work, and have built up a social network of friends locally. These past few years, future MIL has shared her life wishes for the following, all of which belong in the ‘God no, screw that’ category for me: She wants bio babies.
Currently, we are in a child-free camp. She’s distraught about this and brings up the topic multiple times.
She expects to live with us. She has offered to ‘gift’ us a down payment under the condition we get a house with a permanent space for them.
Also insists she’ll move in with us when we get our own place so she can ‘help’ raise the babies. I would be open to living with her only if medically necessary.
She expects to be taken on extravagant vacations.
She recently learned of our couple’s international trip and is demanding to be treated to future out-of-country vacations because she is getting ‘old and you don’t know how much time we have left together’.
She expects money. She has asked for money and it is the expectation that we give the parents part of our monthly income, even though they don’t need it.
Not to mention I have tons of student loans and no savings yet. They ask for our financial info like salary, loans, expenses, etc. I keep everyone on an info diet but my partner does not.
To me, the above sounds sprinkled with guilt trips, and feel like MIL wants to be my partner’s wife.
I myself come from an immigrant family (different country but culturally similar) and so I am VERY familiar with the dynamics and expectations of their home country. It is PRECISELY why these life ‘goals’ of my future MIL were my dealbreakers before I even met her.
I have experienced and witnessed enough emotional manipulation, loss of privacy/autonomy, marriage strain, etc. through my own family.
I love my partner and am ok with building boundaries as long as we have each others’ backs. As I find myself having similar issues with both sets of parents due to cultural expectations, I am thinking that my approach may be too abrupt (single-generation overhaul of their wishes) and maybe I should compromise.
For now, this is a hill I will die on.
Would I be the jerk for denying what seems like the culturally normal life wishes of my future MIL?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You and your partner have your own lives to live.
It doesn’t sound as if either of your families is in medical or financial need – they just have a lot of selfish, entitled wants. Guess what – they are all old enough that their wants won’t hurt them much.
Yes, this is going to be a very sudden change in one generation, but change has to start somewhere and I seriously doubt that they are going to be any more unhappy with you for dying on all of those hills rather than just some of them.
However, you and your partner really have to be on the same page, both so as to not indulge these selfish and outdated attitudes and to keep everyone on a very limited information diet at all times. If you aren’t together on this, you might as well pack it in and give them what they want or rethink the entire relationship because the result of disconnect here is going to be never-ending stress and grief.
I wish you luck!” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but listen, you should NEVER be the one who has to establish boundaries with HIS mother. He’s the gatekeeper in this, he HAS to make sure he’s the one telling her ‘no,’ he’s free to say ‘we’ but don’t talk to your MIL if she ever sets a conversation to that topic.
Walk away, disengage, ANYTHING to make it clear that you don’t like this line of questioning.
By the way, if you have to say ‘currently’ then you’re not child-free, you’re a fence-sitter leaning towards no. If you change your mind considering how annoying and invasive your MIL is I can’t imagine how she’d go off on anyone saying they’re childfree ‘My DIL changed her mind so you will too!’
If you ever get off that fencesitter attitude, make sure your husband gets a vasectomy first because it’s 100x easier for him to get it and it will cement that it IS his decision.
Concerning the money part? Just no, everything about MIL is a massive deal breaker and I’m surprised you got with him and never discussed her fully before because I can’t imagine all this is new.” McXaven
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
FMIL and you are incompatible. What does your fiance plan for the future? Because if he isn’t on board with MIL’s plans, he needs to tell her.
If Fiancé can’t stand up to his Mom, you probably shouldn’t marry him.
Also, I highly recommend keeping separate finances in that family. Because your SO can’t give his mother your money if he doesn’t have access to it.” teresajs
19. AITJ For Not Giving My Medication To My Mom?
“I am a recovering addict. I used to have Xanax prescribed to me for panic attacks but it was discontinued. I kept an old bottle in the cupboard just in case (I know, I know.)
On Saturday my parents came over.
I told them how I was doing in my recovery and that I was going to properly dispose of my old Xanax at the pharmacy or police department.
For the sake of brevity, she asked me for the medication and I said No. My No was not respected. When I said no she said, ‘Well why, I’m not an addict!’ She then proceeded to rub my nose at the fact that I stole medication from her when I was in active addiction and basically said I owed her.
I was so upset, that I brought up a time she medicated me without a doctor’s consent or prescription when I was a child. She then gaslit me, saying I was making it up and that never happened. I kicked her out of my house.
I’m so upset. I’m in very early recovery and trying my hardest to get well. We haven’t spoken since I kicked her out and my heart hurts. I just wanted my mom to be proud of me, but instead, she tried to guilt me for my old medication.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Congratulations. Addiction is hard and I commend you for choosing sober living today. It sounds like your mom is an enabler. It might be hard for you to maintain a close relationship knowing that she is also abusing medications that are not prescribed to her.
I don’t know if you are going to meetings/counseling but if you are maybe invite your mom along for the experience, and maybe a heart-to-heart about the best ways she can support your sobriety. Best of luck to you!” Loveis_loveislove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s inappropriate for your mother (or anyone) to ask for prescription medication from you.
As you evolve in your recovery, you’ll find it gets less challenging to navigate conflict. This conversation devolved into scorekeeping which never feels good.
The response to her request could have been, ‘I’m trying to develop habits that will keep me in recovery. Exchanging prescription pills is something I used to do, but no longer. Turning these into the police is a step I need to take to be healthier.
Please respect that.'” Choice_Mongoose2427
Another User Comments:
“First things first: congratulations! Sobriety is not an easy decision to make or an easy path to stay on and I’m so proud of you for taking the necessary steps.
(I don’t know if this will help, but give yourself time to heal and forgive if you falter. You’re allowed to take baby steps and consider every one of them an accomplishment because it is. Take everything one day at a time.)
That being said: NTJ
You are not responsible to provide for people even if you have the means, especially when it involves this kind of request. You made a decision and stuck your ground. The resulting situation was super crappy, but it wasn’t your fault.
I’m so sorry that your mom put you in this particular situation regardless of past actions.
And congratulations on getting the temptation out of your space! That is such a HUGE accomplishment, and I hope you allow yourself to bask in that for a moment!
If your mom isn’t going to be a supportive fixture in your life at the moment, please consider us to be your cheerleading team!” Pouchcotato721
Btw, are we sure your mother doesn't also have an addiction problem too? Maybe that she just hasn't admitted to yet? Just something to think about.
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cater To My Daughter's Best Friend's Food Preferences Anymore?
“My daughter has a best friend who we will call Beth (both 8F).
Some relevant background: I don’t make ‘kid’s food’ for my kids. They are expected to eat what I have made for dinner, which is often not food that would be considered ‘kid-friendly.’ As a result, my kids have a wide palate and enjoy eating a variety of foods.
My son’s favorite food is grilled octopus, while my daughter’s is pasta with sea urchin. Of course, there are things they don’t like and I don’t force them to eat those things. But, as a general rule, they have to eat what is available to them.
Beth exclusively eats ‘kids’ food.’ Her family has two separate meals every night – something for the parents and something more kid-friendly for the kids (e.g. chicken nuggets, pizza with no sauce, etc.). Beth is extremely picky.
My daughter and Beth hang out almost every weekend.
The first time Beth was over for dinner, I had made roasted chicken. Beth’s parents hadn’t given me a heads-up about her preferences. She refused to eat the chicken and asked for goldfish crackers instead. The next few times, I tried my best to accommodate Beth’s preferences, but there was always something wrong with what I made and Beth would refuse to eat it.
For example, I made a pasta dish for my family and served Beth plain pasta because she doesn’t like sauce of any kind. She still refused to eat, because I had made penne and Beth only eats farfalle.
I have gotten fed up with Beth’s pickiness and have started to arrange the girls’ playdates so that they end before dinner time.
Beth’s parents noticed and asked why I never host Beth for dinner anymore. I explained that I couldn’t cater to her food preferences. They asked why I can’t just keep chicken nuggets in my freezer and make them for her when she was over for dinner.
I told them that I wouldn’t do that because I don’t want to teach my kids that it’s ok to request something different than what they’re being served. Beth’s parents had some… choice words for me after that and are apparently considering not letting Beth hang out with my daughter anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not required to host a playdate for dinner if you don’t want to and if Beth needs special food, she needs to eat at home where she has it. I don’t understand why Beth’s parents would be so mad about that unless they’re aware they are enabling her to be super picky and possibly end up unhealthy from eating so much processed food.” Weekend_Breakfast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not your responsibility to keep food on hand to feed someone else’s child. You’re willing to serve her food that you prepare, which is of course part of being a great host. I think it’s fine to continue to do that, and if Beth doesn’t eat, so be it.
You’re not required to make additional food for someone else’s child on a regular basis. Maybe once or twice, sure, but not regularly.
So I’m with you on this.” AttimusMorlandre
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you had tried to force Beth to eat something she didn’t want to, or if she had some sort of allergy or even a voluntary restriction (e.g., religious food restrictions), I might think differently, but you accommodated as much as reasonable, and when it became evident that reasonable accommodation wasn’t suitable you planned to make sure her parents could provide as they wished. That’s all you can be asked.
The reaction by Beth’s parents is what makes them the jerks here – making demands of you and using ‘choice words’ is not acceptable adult behavior. If they want to break up their daughter’s friendship, you can’t stop them, but you certainly do not need to cater to their whims or rudeness.” JsCTmav
17. AITJ For Lecturing My Partner About Not Leaving Burp Cloths On The Crib?
“My spouse is a very lax person where ‘It’s not a big deal’ seems to constantly be their mentality. I am on the opposite spectrum where I overthink and freak out over everything. I realize that and I am working on it.
However, sometimes I feel like my spouse uses the fact that I overreact to just dismiss everything. Whereas they never admit they underreact to most situations. I think meeting in the middle would be a healthy balance.
We just had a baby and I have always been very stringent on safe sleeping habits and just overall safety precautions.
That the CDC and pediatricians recommend. If the pediatrician and or CDC don’t warrant strong concern about it I tend to say hey maybe I’m just being paranoid and should let this slide.
My spouse has on multiple occasions left burp cloths in or on the crib.
I have politely spoken to them about it and they say they’ll try and do better. However, as it keeps happening I have started to get angrier, and here’s where I may be the jerk, I’ve taken to lecturing them and probably talking down to them as to me this behavior is childish and could kill our child.
My spouse leaves them on the changing table unmonitored for up to a minute to throw a diaper away. Our child is able to do full 360 turns in 30 seconds in their crib. I feel I was a jerk in the way I spoke to them however I have tried talking nicely about it and nothing changes.
I feel I can’t spare my spouse’s feelings for the safety of our child.
Any advice on how we could work this out would also be appreciated. My spouse said what they did does not warrant the strong response I gave which is making me feel like the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“If the child can roll over on their own, the burp cloths on the crib are not so much a cause for concern. By that time their little airways aren’t so tiny and overall they are better at regulating themselves and not in danger of positional asphyxiation every time they move.
Best practice is always safest though, and your partner should be more mindful.
The changing table is another story. There are exactly 0 appropriate times to have a baby on the changing table without at least one hand on them, let alone walking away.
Literally, everything you set a baby on that they aren’t strapped down in has huge warning labels stating DO NOT LEAVE BABY UNATTENDED because the baby will fall off. If the baby is rolling over now, soon they will be crawling and can’t be left on the changing table for even a second.
However, no amount of yelling, nagging, or hand-wringing is going to keep the baby safer. You need to find a proactive solution such as moving the diaper bin next to the changing table or setting up an alternate changing area.
Maybe not letting your partner change the diapers anymore. Yelling at people rarely makes them more open to taking your concerns seriously.
NTJ.” 1568314
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The burp cloth thing may or may not be a big deal, but the changing table thing absolutely is.
And I can understand ‘The baby was sleeping on my shoulder on a burp cloth, and I transferred them into the crib, and they had a death grip on the cloth and so I left it’, but there’s no reason at all to leave the baby to go and discard a diaper.
Shove the dirty diaper in the corner of the table, on a shelf, on the floor, or wherever it can go, change the baby, put the baby somewhere safe, and then throw away the stinky diaper.
If your spouse can’t use the changing table safely, then throw the changing table out.
Seriously. Once the kid gets a bit bigger and wrigglier, it’s going to be much easier to change them on a mat on the floor anyway. There’s no harm in starting now.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Infant deaths are no joke and it’s statistically proven that safe sleep practice is the only safe option for infant sleeping.
Burp cloths or any other items besides pacifiers are not safe in a crib at that age. Leaving a child on a changing table is a huge issue as well. Your spouse isn’t taking this seriously. Show them videos of what can happen and videos of parents of loss discussing it.
There are many parents of loss who are very open about what happened so that other parents learn from their situations. Do what you have to do to keep your child safe. You’re not overreacting.” itsmylameusername
16. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Brother's Prison Debts?
“I (31M) have a brother (37M) (I’ll call him R) who for the better part of the last 2 decades has been in and out of jail.
R has a substance and gambling addiction that more or less feeds off each other. My brother for lack of better words is a crappy criminal. He does the same routine every time he gets out of prison to the point it’s almost comical.
Day 1. He gets out of jail and hangs out with Mom. She usually gets him a phone, food, temporary place to stay while he waits for a spot in rehab. Once she leaves he goes missing for 24-48 hours to get some substances.
Usually by selling his phone or stealing a car.
Day 3 or 4. He reaches out after his high is over to either have Mom attempt to pay off some debt/gambling or pick him up and take him back to his current residence.
By the end of the week he’s gone missing again and we usually just wait for him to get picked up by police for stealing a car.
This has been the case for the last 4-5 times he’s gotten out of prison.
We’ve moved him out of his city so he couldn’t be in contact with his dealers but he chooses to go back or find new people to aid in his addiction.
So after his most recent arrest (6 months ago), I decided to block his prison # for peace of mind.
At least Until R decided to do better for himself. Yesterday I get a call from a different prison # and regrettably answer. R tells me he accrued a massive prison debt from borrowing snacks and other commissary items (prison no-no #1 don’t borrow anything) and the debt has doubled and tripled. Now multiple people in his unit are telling him he needs to pay up or else things are about to get really difficult.
I flat-out refused. Saying we already don’t have a great relationship due to his actions and I refuse to help in a problem he created for himself and likely is substance-related. My brother feels like family should help regardless of circumstance and that I’m letting my emotions over how I feel about him cloud my judgment as he is in dire need of help.
I blocked his number and called our Mom about the situation and she supports my decision but I do feel somewhat guilty even though I know he put this problem on himself.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your brother is a very sick man with an extremely addictive personality.
Putting him in prison is a travesty of our judicial system. This can be easily seen from the fact that after he leaves prison he still needs rehab.
The thing is that nothing matters to him as much as getting illegal substances.
As much as he may love you and your mother deep down, the drive for illegal stuff is higher.
So you have an incredibly painful choice. You can either remember that you love your brother and help him regardless of how much he uses you or you can back off.
Consequences and punishment are completely irrelevant. This is a choice that I assume you’ve had to make many times.
Neither choice would make you a jerk and both choices will leave you sad and depressed and feeling hopeless.
I am very sorry for what you’re dealing with and NTJ.” Right_Bee_9809
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Maybe there’s a debt, maybe there isn’t. If there isn’t, there’s no problem to fix. If there is, and you pay (especially given the pattern of behavior you describe), there’ll only be another debt tomorrow. Giving him help will only show him that there’s a form of words he can use to extract funds from you.
He has no reason to change if he can continue to outsource the consequences of his actions. It’s time to let him face the consequences.
It might suck but doing anything else just leaves you both worse off long term.” ProtectorofMongeese
Another User Comments:
“While your mom supports your decision, I’d make sure she doesn’t enable him once again. Can you contact the prison to have your mom’s phone # removed from his list of contacts?
Of course R feels like ‘family should help regardless of circumstance’, he’s always been on the receiving end of any help & then he ‘spoils everything’ over & over & over again.
You said R has been in & out of prison for ‘the last 2 decades’, 20 years. He knows the ‘rules’ (spoken & unspoken), and he broke the rules. That’s his problem, not yours. Some people just seem to insist on learning the hard way.
NTJ.” ItCanBeEasy2405
15. AITJ For Not Including My Niece In My Daughter's Birthday Party?
“My (31f) daughter (8F) and my niece (8F) are born 10 days apart. Due to this ever since they were little my SIL (29F) has always pushed for them to have a ‘shared’ birthday party. When the girls were younger (1-4) we used to do shared birthday parties.
But my husband and I realized that we were always the ones to foot the bill for everything (food, decorations, location, etc.). The girls also were complete opposites. My daughter has always been more of a tomboy, while my niece is SUPER girly.
When my husband and I told SIL and my brother that we won’t be doing the shared birthdays anymore, they were really upset and it started a huge fight. They said they can’t afford to throw a nice birthday for my niece but we can, so it makes sense that we pay for it since we’re ‘family’.
Yeah, not gonna fly with my husband and me. So we stuck by what we said and ever since the girls have had separate birthdays.
My daughter and my husband love watching Formula 1 together, and she wanted to have a Formula 1-themed birthday this year.
The weekend before the birthday we had a family dinner at my parents’ house. SIL, my brother, and my niece were present. My parents were asking the girls if they were excited about their upcoming birthdays, and if they were having parties this year.
My daughter told my parents she is having a Formula 1-themed party this year. SIL answered for my niece and said they were not going to have a party for her because things were tight. The conversation was left there.
Fast forward to this past weekend (my daughter’s bday was on Saturday), we had the party and it was going great. The whole family was invited as usual, and everyone was having a great time until the cake.
I’m in the kitchen with my mom, MIL, SIL, and a few other family friends talking.
I pull the cake out to get it ready to bring out for everyone. SIL takes a look at the cake and looks confused.
SIL: Is this the girls’ birthday cake?
Me: What do you mean ‘the girls’? The cake is for (daughter’s name).
SIL: Well I thought since I mentioned that things are tight this year, that you’d include (niece’s name) in the birthday?
Me: I understand your situation, but how come you never once mentioned this to me?
SIL: Well I thought it would be common sense?
Now my daughter isn’t going to have any kind of celebration for her birthday this year because you and your husband are so selfish.
She then stormed out of the kitchen and made a huge scene at the party outside yelling to her husband and my niece that it was time to go and left. Since then she’s been messaging me and my husband non stop trying to make us feel guilty that my niece isn’t going to have a birthday party, and calling us all kinds of names.
I feel bad that my niece isn’t going to get a birthday party. AITJ for not including her even though they can’t afford it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, it’s simply not your job to make sure your niece has a party.
That’s up to her parents. If things are tight maybe they need to be creative but it’s still on them. Secondly, it’s ridiculous for her to think that hinting around will get her daughter added to the party.
If it was as important to her as she acts like it is then she should have had a frank conversation with you and simply asked. You could have still said no but there wouldn’t have been the confusion.
This is on them, not you.” Solid-Order-514
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
While your niece deserves to feel celebrated and loved, it’s not your responsibility to foot the bill for her party.
Having a shared birthday was fine when they were younger, but given your SIL never chipped into those, you made the decision to stop doing them, and that was your right as a parent.
That doesn’t give SIL the right to be entitled to your daughter’s cake or party.
Maybe if she didn’t rely on you every year to do everything for her daughter’s birthday, then she would’ve been more prepared and her daughter would’ve had the birthday SIL so desperately wants.” DarkestMoose538
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is just trying to get a free birthday party out of you. I don’t know their financial situation but she could have a birthday party for your niece, just not at the same financial level as you.
She could have easily made a box cake as a birthday cake and made a potluck-type birthday for family/friends for her daughter. She just didn’t want to put any effort into it and was hoping you would feel bad and allow your niece to share your daughter’s birthday.
Also, the kids are getting older and they are not twins, they are cousins. They need separate birthdays.” Medeya24
SIL's guilt trips on the matter would have me wanting to do less and less everytime she mentions it.
14. AITJ For Washing The Dishes?
“My office has had an issue over the last few months where almost everyone just dumps their dirty dishes in the sink and leaves them there until they need them the next morning and then they wash them. It’s mostly just coffee cups and silverware but still, it’s a gross habit and I think it’s really rude.
We had a meeting about it a few weeks ago and our director made it clear he expected us to behave like adults and clean up after ourselves or there would be consequences.
Nothing changed and I was getting super annoyed about there being a full sink whenever I wanted to wash my lunch container out and clearly nothing anyone was saying was making a difference so I just started washing dishes and leaving them in the dish rack.
I did this for about a week.
On Monday, someone walked into the breakroom while I getting ready to wash all the cups and saw me. He asked if I had been the one washing everything and I said yes.
I was surprised when he got mad and said I shouldn’t be doing that, no one liked it and it was weird that I was taking it upon myself to touch their personal items. So I stopped at that moment and when I went back to my cubicle, he had told everyone in the area and they all agreed that I should have never touched their stuff and that I was violating their ‘boundaries’.
I was really annoyed at this point because I don’t understand how they feel like they have the right to leave a common space filthy and get mad at someone else fixing it but I just thought ‘Okay, bet’ and went and told the director that the improvement he noticed and commented on?
All me. And my coworkers didn’t like it so I would not be continuing.
I thought he’d be a little angry about it but he got furious. He came in and announced to everyone that they had 5 minutes to get their stuff out of the sink and in the future, all abandoned items would be trashed immediately.
I saw 4 people digging their mugs out of the trash yesterday morning and 3 today and they called me a rat jerk who couldn’t mind her business which I also reported them for, and they were in a meeting with HR this afternoon.
Haven’t seen them since.
My partner says I’m being petty but I really like my job and would rather these jerks get fired and replaced with real adults. But he thinks if I hadn’t set the expectation of the dishes being washed for that week by taking it on myself, my boss probably wouldn’t have blown up like that because there wouldn’t have been any ‘big sudden reveal.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They should be thanking you for cleaning up their mess. The fact that you even had to do that shows that they are lazy and rude. If they can’t clean up a coffee cup, they should be fired anyway, obviously, they are crap employees.
Your boss’s reaction was pretty extreme but that’s out of your control.
Plus I bet your boss thinks more of you now, could lead to a promotion at some point now that he knows that you are the only person in the office who cares.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your coworkers are lazy and gross. Who just leaves dishes to sit and then melts down when someone is kind enough to wash their dishes for them? I don’t blame your director for getting so mad.
He saw the improvement and thought everyone was pulling their weight, but they weren’t. You were trying to be a kind coworker by just doing dishes (which I personally would scold you for! Not your job to clean up after others!) but they wanted to have fits that touching their mug is violating boundaries.
Mugs left in a common area take up space others need to use, thereby violating others’ ability to use the sink. They messed around and found out.” TCTX73
13. AITJ For Not Accepting Help From A Stranger?
“I (27F) go to this kind of nice restaurant, order a meal for myself and read up on my job on my laptop.
I like the experience and I like treating myself so, I am kind of a regular there.
I went there again a few nights ago and I was doing my usual thing. When I concentrate, I block the entire world and focus on one thing so I had focused on the text I was reading and I did not care about anything else as I waited for my food.
I noticed a girl pull a chair at my table and sit down. She was in her early twenties and she said she was a part of the group that sat across from me at the other end of the room.
I was honestly super confused. I was like, can I help you, do I know you, why are you at my table, etc. She introduced herself and said she was there to save me from my situation because she noticed that I was alone.
I was like, I’m in the middle of something and I need no help.
She said now I was being rude and I needed to take her out to a proper dinner. I was again super confused. She started up a conversation about my book, which I explained but I still did not understand her.
When my food arrived, she joined her group because they were leaving and called me a ‘clueless jerk’ before leaving. I still don’t know what on earth happened, but I have never had anyone call me a jerk so I panicked and I needed to ask.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone forced themselves on you. You were not rude in your response and they refused to listen to your response. Do not stop treating yourself. Just because the person who sat down cannot imagine eating alone, does not mean the many who are fine with it need to deal with interruptions from people who think they know better what you want.
You know what you want. You are confused because of the sheer rudeness of this girl, and no, her intentions don’t count for anything once you said you did not want company.” lostinRC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Looking at it from the outside, she was hitting on you (and, it seems, trying to get a free dinner out of you).
That said, once it was obvious you weren’t interested and just wanted to be alone, she should have backed off as opposed to calling you rude. Ultimately, she was the rude one.
Sure, you could have gone out with her, but considering how demanding and rude she was in the few minutes she was there, you probably are fortunate you didn’t go out with her.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. There are many things you have described that would leave 99.9% of the world confused as well, and make me wonder if you were interacting with someone that might have some sort of diagnosis in which reading social cues is difficult.
Sitting down at a stranger’s table, interrupting a stranger with a presumption of ‘saving them from loneliness,’ and failing to react when you said ‘you needed no help,’ along with her counter that you were rude and owed her a ‘proper dinner’ is bizarre.” anitarielleliphe
12. AITJ For Being Honest With My Partner's Daughter About My Past Relationships?
“I (27F) have been with my partner (41M) for 2 years. 6 months ago, he moved in with me. He has a daughter (14F) with his ex-wife S (36F). I am bi and my only other relationship was a very long-term relationship with a woman, we were together from ages 13-22 and we ended on really good terms and we’re still pretty good (if slightly awkward) friends.
I have always been open about my s*******y with my partner and after some initial insecurities about me being friends with my ex, he has no issues with it. Neither does S.
I made it clear that I am not looking to replace S in any way.
My partner’s relationship with S is a little rocky, but they’re civil and generally co-parent very well. In the 6 months since we moved in together, I’ve spent a lot more time with S due to proximity as their custody is exactly 50/50.
We’ve become quite good friends and sometimes we hang out together or grab coffee, or she invites me to do things with her and their daughter on her days if it’s something she thinks we’d all enjoy.
Recently, their daughter had a run in her school’s production of Macbeth.
She played Lady Macbeth. I’m Scottish and also an English teacher, so I was very excited. I had originally planned not to go on opening night because S and my partner had planned to go, and the 3 of us would go again the next day so I could see it.
However, my partner had to stay late at work. He texted me that he had already called their daughter. I decided to go with S (and also went to most other shows). Afterward, after their daughter had gone to bed, S and I were talking about exes in my kitchen, which their daughter overheard while coming for a glass of water.
2 days ago their daughter came to me on a night my partner was working late and we were waiting for S to pick her up and have dinner with us. She asked me questions about how I knew I liked women, and what it was like.
I answered honestly. If I’m honest I think she asked because she’s questioning herself.
My partner lost his mind when he found out. He was screaming at me for overstepping boundaries, how I don’t know what their parenting strategy on things like that is.
How I have to run future conversations like this by him first. I had no idea it would be such an issue since he is okay with my s*******y. He asked me to leave, and I have been sleeping on S’ couch for 2 days.
She says she has no problem with it. I have no idea what I did wrong, my partner is acting like I’m some sort of terrible person. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If she is questioning her s*******y, you are in a better position to help her than her mother or father.
She came to you, so she obviously trusts you. If her dad is that upset, he might secretly have a problem with the idea that his daughter is gay. His overly dramatic reaction makes me feel like this is the case.
He may be harboring an illogical fear that you’re somehow influencing his daughter to be bi or lesbian. This is ridiculous, obviously, and he should really be happy that his daughter has a third parental figure that she can trust.
If her mom is giving you a place to stay, she clearly supports what you did and wants you in her daughter’s life.” VisenyaTargaryen2606
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I think this is very close to the line – I don’t think it was probably right for you to be ‘completely honest’ in this situation.
(Relatively short relationship, I think the daughter is still young, and adults don’t always have to be so honest).
I do think this whole scenario of becoming close friends with your partner’s ex-wife is really weird and unacceptable in most cases and is even weirder given that you’re bi.
And being ‘slightly awkward’ friends with your ex of 9 years is also really dumb.
Your partner overreacted though I can’t say to what degree because I don’t know what you said to his daughter.” Schafer_Isaac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your partner is a major jerk, though. Makes me wonder if he’s some kind of religious fanatic — there’s a lot of that about. Sounds like S is not the source of this, so what exactly is his major malfunction?
You did right to answer the kid honestly. Far too many people think it’s ok to lie to kids. It’s not. They always know they are being lied to, and distrust that person afterward.” just_anotherflyboy
11. AITJ For Quitting My Job At My Aunt's Business?
“I worked as a graphic designer in my Aunt’s small business.
It was fairly basic stuff I did but I took pride in my work and loved the freedom it gave me creatively.
My Aunt and I got on well prior to the business but she became an issue to work under near immediately.
It became cutthroat deadlines, no thanks, and little pay so I’ll admit I got annoyed. I started putting less effort into the business as it just wasn’t paying off, I had to look for a new job as the earnings just wouldn’t cover me anymore.
My Aunt and family were disappointed in my lack of interest in her business but refused to listen to why I had to change.
I still worked in the business in my free time and I had accepted further pay reduction due to my now split priorities.
But this apparently wasn’t enough. My Aunt came to me a few weeks after I had moved to ‘part-time’ work and asked me to make up an ad for a full-time graphic designer, I was annoyed and hurt but did it anyway.
Since she wanted a full-time worker I quit and submitted the ad to her as my final bit of work for the business.
I went home and assumed that would be the end of it. A few days later I get angry messages and calls from my family asking why I left the company when I knew my Aunt was struggling.
I was at a loss and called my Aunt who shouted down the phone at me. Eventually, my sister gave me the full story which my family had been told. Basically, my Aunt wanted me to move to full-time and thought the ad would be a good indicator of that desire and she was devastated that I quit.
At this point, I was exhausted and the few days I had away from everything really reminded me how good it felt to relax. So when my Aunt called me and apologized, offering me my job back, I turned her down.
She explained she needed my work back and didn’t have enough budget to hire anyone else (assuming I would go back on my reduced pay). I still refused and we haven’t spoken since.
Her business failed about a month later and everyone is blaming me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and YOU didn’t ruin your Aunt’s business. No business has ever gone under because its graphic designer quit. You were one symptom of a failing business, and as the owner your Aunt bears that responsibility.
Maybe she’s bad at running a business, maybe it was the market, maybe it was sheer bad luck. But it sure as heck wasn’t because their graphic designs fell behind. She’s angry and bitter because she failed and is looking to pass the blame to those around her.
Hopefully, her denial phase is short and she can move on (along with the rest of the family).” hockeymatt85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s completely not your fault. First of all your Aunt sounds like not a very nice employer.
Secondly, having you do that ad was a blatant attempt to manipulate you. You had already tried to have discussions with her about why you couldn’t continue to work there and she didn’t want to listen to you.
It honestly sounds like she didn’t have enough budget to start a business in the first place.” PilotEnvironmental46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Little Auntie is. She didn’t communicate with you about anything, and trying to have you create an ad like it will be some kind of awakening instead of just talking… That’s ridiculous.
She wanted to take advantage of the family card she had, that’s all. Not being able to pay you a living wage in the beginning should have said a lot to you about her, but I get that she is family.
You wanted to help. That’s totally okay, but you do not get to hold the blame for her failing business. I guarantee that the business would have failed with you by her side anyway. She needed someone else to blame because she probably can’t come to terms with herself being a failure.” ForeverYesMyLord
10. AITJ For Keeping My Neighbor's Dog She Abandoned For Months?
“My neighbor ‘Sally’ and I got along fine enough and would help each other with small things sometimes (i.e. get packages), but not close enough to be friends or hang out. Many months back she had approached me and asked if I’d be willing to help watch her dog for her while she was on vacation.
I knew that she had taken in a stray a few weeks prior, but the dog never had any issues so I said ‘Sure’. I already have a dog so I’m familiar with them and Sally said she’d Venmo me for food and care.
On the day she was supposed to return, she never came for her dog. I waited a few days before going next door and ran into her brother who said that she wasn’t on vacation, but actually moved back to their home country.
I tried to contact her, but she ignored me. At first, it was because she had only paid me to watch her dog for 2 weeks, but after a month passed I was genuinely confused and concerned. I DM’d her on social, and even though she was actively posting, she never responded. I didn’t feel like her life was in danger though since her posts seemed to be updated in real-time of her doing fun things.
I ended up having to take Sally’s dog to the vet for a check-up (he ended up being fine) and while there, the vet actually let me know that the dog wasn’t microchipped. It had already been several months at this point, so I decided to claim ownership.
Lo and behold, Sally appears on my doorstep and wants her dog back. At that point, I said no. I had been paying for the dog’s upkeep and he was now part of my family. She also never responded to my messages.
Even if something happened back home, all she had to do was let me know. But I told her that since she just ghosted me for months then she forfeited her right to the dog. Especially since she never registered or microchipped the stray.
My vet says it’ll be hard for Sally to prove she has rights to the dog because she has no paperwork to show she cared for the animal (never took the dog to the vet). My partner thinks I’m a jerk though because technically the dog was Sally’s pet first even if I’ve technically ‘owned’ the dog longer than Sally has.
We’re in a feud now so I just want to make sure I’m in the right.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You paid for the dog’s food, cared for the dog, took it to the vet, microchipped it – and Sally thought you’d just do everything while she is off having fun?
Yeah, no. If she was a week late, your reaction would’ve been too harsh. But after MONTHS and ghosting you on social media? Congratulations, I’m sure your dog will be happier with you than with this irresponsible jerk. She basically took in a stray, then abandoned it again (which is the worst way to treat those loving animals) and everyone else would have probably just taken it to the shelter – you simply skipped the extra steps of taking it to the shelter and re-adopting it as she obviously didn’t even care enough to chip it before.
People like Sally shouldn’t even ever have pets.” Vevaris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If it was a stray that was never taken to the vet, registered, or microchipped it was never ‘her dog’ to begin with. You stepped up to care for a living thing after she abandoned it.
Not only that but she ignored your repeated attempts to reach out. Your willingness to keep him after such a long period, eventually adding him to your family, instead of taking him to a shelter tells me he is much better off where he is now.” exhalos
Another User Comments:
“So, you want to check with the laws in your county. But most states in the US consider dogs property. This is important because that is how the law treats them.
And most states in the United States have laws deciding how long an owner has to come and reclaim their dog.
Usually, it’s about a week at most.
So she has abandoned her dog. Had you taken it to the shelter, they would have had no problems legally rehoming the dog because the owner was not taking care of it.
She had a duty to communicate with you.
And she had a duty to let you know that she was going to be gone more than 2 weeks.
I absolutely would not return the dog to her because who knows when she’s going to flake out and leave the country again.
NTJ.” CanIStopAdultingNow
9. AITJ For Feeling Hurt That My Stepkids Don't Feel A Deep Connection With Me?
“My husband and I have been married for 22 years. He was a widower when we met and he had two young children who were 7 and 8 at the time of our marriage. I always did my best to be a good stepmom and we had an okay relationship over the years.
I admit, sometimes I hoped they would view me as more than just a stepmom, but never expected to be a mom. A true parent to them is more what I would hope they would see me as. Because I believe parents can be more than just mom and dad.
But I know I never got to that in their hearts. I am a stepmom who is more like dad’s wife in their eyes. I accept that. We had our ups and downs. I went to therapy at times when my feelings were hurt and I didn’t want to let it be a burden on my husband or children.
I married a widower. I married a man with kids. I knew going in that I was going to meet them where they were at.
Both of my stepchildren have children of their own. Both of them have gone a more traditional route of naming their children after family members.
Both have honored their mom and dad and their parents-in-law with their first two children. My stepdaughter, the younger of my stepchildren, recently had her third child and she named her after her two grandmothers and her husband’s two grandmothers.
When she announced the name on social media she commented that all the most important women in their lives had been honored now and my stepson agreed with her.
My feelings came up about that and I spoke to my family about it.
Just saying how it did sting though I was still happy for them and glad I got to be in their lives. My husband came home and overheard me. He was angry that I didn’t talk to him. He said we’re married and I should come to him.
I told him I did not feel it fair to bring it up to him because this is not something that can or anyone should attempt to change. He told me it’s relevant because they are his children and I am his wife and he could speak to them.
I told him that would not help at all. He still seems upset with me. And maybe I should have confided in him. But I never wanted him to try and force my stepkids to change how they feel about me.
That never works.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and he will absolutely talk with your stepchildren about it, but show them this sentence. Because this sentence shows how genuinely you love them. And they will come to respect that.
‘I told him I did not feel it fair to bring it up to him because this is not something that can or anyone should attempt to change.’
I cannot begin to fathom what an amazing stepmom this sentence will make you to them. Because it shows, that while it is hard over the years and now decades that you are still only seen as their father’s wife, you do not and will not force them to accept you as a parent.
This sentence of the story will change them to see you in a new light and as a person who truly only wants what is best for them, even at your expense as a parent should.” N0bb1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You NEED a person to talk to who is not your husband. Your family will often defend your partner, help you understand their actions, allow you to fully express feelings that you might be ashamed of having, etc.
It obviously hurts to be left out, even if it doesn’t make anyone a bad guy.
You are right not to dump that on your husband, if you don’t see how he can make any changes to improve the situation.
Your husband CAN talk to his children and remind them that you have been an important part of their life and that you care about them/are proud of them.
That requires a lot of delicacy and tact – if he is capable, maybe let him try.
Also, are you Grandma to the grandkids? If so, that shows respect and care. Hold onto that.” Pianoplayerpiano
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you were being considerate by not saying something negative to him about his kids, especially when it’s not something he can do anything about and could harm their attitude towards you and him if he tried anyways.
But I do wonder – when you say your family, do you mean that you confided in a close relative or were you openly sharing it with a group? Because the former reads like seeking comfort, the latter could come across to him like you are trashing his kids to your family (I don’t think you are, just pointing out that it may appear to him that way if you told more than one person).” SnooPets8873
8. AITJ For "Outshining" The Bride At Her Wedding?
“I (25F) have a friend group of 5 people that I’ve known since I was 15. We’re all extremely close, and I consider them my best friends.
Recently, Jen (26F) from our friend group got married and we all attended her wedding.
I, along with Megan (another member of our friend group) gave a short dance performance at the wedding. Jen also joined us towards the end. This was all planned beforehand, and we made sure to run it through with Jen.
In fact, she really wanted us to do it.
We’re not professional dancers or anything, but I do like dancing and made sure it was perfect. After our dance, several people came up and complimented us. Jen was so happy too, and I thought everything went about smoothly.
However, the next day, I received a text from Jen’s husband Rick and her sister-in-law saying that we went over the top and tried to out-do the bride. Rick also said that Jen would never be honest with us because we’re her friends, but I should know that I’m ‘a horrible person and just wanted attention.’ His sister also went off about how we were trying to ‘impress the men at the wedding.’
We only wanted the best for Jen, and it was never our intention to hurt anybody. I can’t reach Jen right now, but both Megan and I are overthinking this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Jen cleared it. End of story.
While there’s a legitimate argument to be made regarding emotional intelligence and the prospect of somebody perhaps not putting meaning behind their words, in an ideal friendship, you are able to take things at face value. If you can’t trust Jen to mean what she says, you simply have no basis for any sort of relationship.
Conversely, if you do have a strong friendship, then you can take Jen at her word, and therefore the dance is fine.
Rick and his sister are virtue signaling. I hope Jen knew what she was getting into.” reckless150681
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Put it out of your mind until Jen gets back from honeymooning then ask her about it after. If she really felt uncomfortable and it wasn’t just her husband and SIL playing off misogynist ideology then you can address it when you have Jen’s attention.
Until then, don’t bother acknowledging husband and SIL because that gives them a chance to sell a story to Jen.
NOTE: If the husband and SIL are doing this behind Jen’s back, this is a problem for her to confront.
It will look like you don’t trust her to make decisions (the same way her husband does) if you go around her and try to deal with this on your own.” whisker-fisty-cuffs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one can outdo a bride on her wedding day.
The entire day is about her and the groom. If Rick and the sister feel this way, that’s something they should have kept to themselves. He’s basically telling you and your friend he thought you were more attractive than his wife on their wedding day.
That’s really weird and so disrespectful to the bride. You’re not responsible for his feelings. Honestly, I would let him know he made you uncomfortable with his comments and not to contact you again about this.” User
7. AITJ For Leaving And Using My Dad's Card To Pay For The Taxi?
“My (18f) dad (50M) has a habit of dragging me places ‘just for an hour/few hours/afternoon’ only to end up staying for a very long time. It’s frequent. He doesn’t accept me not coming with him.
The same thing happened a few days ago.
He wanted to go visit some of HIS friends and insisted I came with him. I told him no, I had an exam early the next day so I wanted to stay home and study and go to bed early.
He insisted we’d only stay for some coffee and then we’d go, and wouldn’t accept no. I reluctantly went with him.
We left home around noon. It was about a 50-minute drive, so too far to walk back home. I was basically ignored once he saw his friends, so I sat on the couch trying to study from my phone.
At 3ish I asked to go back home, and he said we’d leave as soon as he finished his coffee. At 4 I asked again, and he told me ‘later’. At 5 I asked again, he got annoyed and told me we might as well stay for dinner.
After dinner, 8ish, I asked again, and he said as soon as he finished his beer. I reminded him that I had to get up at 5.30 the next day, so I’d really like to go soon. When he got another beer I left quietly and called a taxi, I used his card to pay (I have a second card from his account for groceries and such, I didn’t take his).
It took him nearly an hour to realize I was gone, he called me and I told him I was nearly home and was going to bed. He was really mad about me leaving without telling him and using his card to pay for the taxi since it was a pretty long ride.
I just wanted to study and get enough sleep.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you gave your father the conditions if you went, he accepted them and then ignored your need to study and rest by repeatedly blowing you off.
The bigger question is why can’t he go somewhere without you? He ignores you once there, my guess is he doesn’t trust you being alone either for your safety or that you would do something he doesn’t approve of.
You need to have a talk with him, at 18 you’re old enough to stay home and study.
You need to go through that night with him and find out why you had to be there to just be ignored and why he didn’t care about your test the next day.” dunnonuttinatall
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to start making plans on how to move out and go low contact.
As in, pick a school far from home to go to. Get a job and start saving for deposit and rent. Are there other family members you could stay with while you go to school or start working? All can be easily explained as ‘this school has the best program for my field of study’ or ‘the city where (family member) lives has the most jobs in my preferred career path available’.
You are now an adult and have the right to make your own choices about your life.
I really don’t understand the mentality of some parents that think their kids are bad/wrong/weird for not acting like they do.
Every living being on this planet is different from each. Even Identical twins have different interests and needs. Stop trying to make your children little mini-me copies!” USMC_Airwinger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to stop this. Guilt tripping and threatening to not speak to you anymore if you don’t visit his friends with him is teenage behavior, so act like he were a teenager and ignore it, and he will come around.
You are an adult now. If you don’t want ppl walking over you, you will need to stand up for yourself bc nobody else will. If you mess up an exam, YOU have to carry the consequences, not your dad.
So it’s in YOUR interest to stop this nonsense, but you are the only one who can stop it by not participating anymore.” Every_Caterpillar945
Word of advice though...my father did the same EXACT thing to me, and it wasn't until I was 30ish that I finally put my foot down. You just have to keep repeating NO, and not listen to anything he says until he says ok. It's hard, but you have to do it for you!!
6. AITJ For Not Adjusting My Kids' Schedule For Their Father?
“I’m married with two young kids (4 and 6).
My husband and I are both working full-time from home.
My husband has been on a work trip for 5 days and is looking forward to seeing the kids again when he returns. He’ll arrive early morning on a Friday at an airport that’s a 4-5 hour train ride away from our home.
The kids and I want to travel there after school to meet him and we are planning to spend the weekend there as a family.
Since my husband is arriving early in the morning he suggested that the kids and I could take an early morning train instead of in the afternoon so that he can spend the day with the kids.
This means that we would need to take the kids out of Kindergarten and school and I would need to shuffle my work day around to catch up on work in the afternoon when he is out with the kids.
I’m hesitant about this since the 4-year-old would miss the Kindergarten’s Easter Egg hunt and the 6-year-old would miss a day of school. He got upset about this and feels that it’s not important to me what he wants.
Am I in the wrong for not accommodating him and instead doing what I think would work best for me and the kids?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Honestly, your work schedule is more of an issue here than the kid’s school. At the ages your kids are, them missing a few days is really no big deal. Young ones are less academically rigorous and more focused on learning how to be a student.
I wouldn’t worry about it until around 3rd grade. That’s when things change focus to a more academically-minded curriculum. As long as they can read and do basic addition/subtraction by 3rd grade, they’ll be fine. And having a family weekend in another town is basically the best form of field trip.
However, your work schedule is important and if it will put you behind, that’s something to consider.” FluffyCloudMornings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The four-year-old would be super bummed to miss the easter egg hunt. The six-year-old probably would be fine missing a day of kindergarten.
But, most of all, you need to be able to work. And, as a parent with two young children, you are probably already constantly having to shift things around to accommodate their school holidays and days off and sick days and snow days and spring break and so on and on.” sanityjanity
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Missing school for a day is not a big deal, especially at those early ages, at most you just check with the teacher to see if there is any part of the lesson they would like you to go over with your kids.
Missing your own work obligation is a much more challenging aspect that may or may not be doable.
The kid getting the Easter celebration should be allowed an opinion on if they miss the celebration to go see Dad early.
Ultimately it comes down to if you can make the changes to your work schedule.
If you can do it, and the kids want to, then go early. If not then wait.” madmatt911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is a lovely gesture he wants to do, and whilst normally who really cares about taking kids out of kindy early, except obviously if it starts to impact your day and becomes a bit of a nuisance rather than something ‘easy’.
It’s super annoying as a working parent to shuffle around your day and then have to catch up on work in the afternoon, he isn’t really thinking of you in that sense, for what maybe a couple of hours with the kids?
I mean what time do you plan on leaving to go?
It will most likely be 12 pm or 1 pm by the time you get there, then get settled, he finally takes the kids somewhere and there isn’t very much time he has them for, so it’s not really ‘a day with the kids’ more like a few hours?
Unless you plan on leaving at like 4 am, LOL.
I have an idea! If he is super keen to spend a day with the kids, why don’t you propose that he can have them most of Saturday? You can go off and book something for yourself, treat yourself to a few things, a bit of alone time?” Free_Historian_8494
5. AITJ For Not Waiting Longer To Say Goodbye To My Mother-In-Law?
“My (28/F) husband (29/M) and I are moving several states away from where we grew up.
We both wanted to leave the state we are from but we never found a good enough reason to do so. Until I got a great job offer with great pay and benefits. I accepted the job and we started to pack up and plan a fun road trip for this 20-hour drive.
I don’t like my MIL (67/F). When I first met her, she was kind of nice but overbearing. I remember when my husband (partner at the time) was helping me study for an exam she thought it was funny to yell, ‘ME!
ME! I KNOW IT!’ when my partner asked me a question from my flashcard set. This wasn’t just a one-time thing. No, she did this several times every hour until we left for the library. Over time I learned to like her less.
There are more stories like how she, FIL, BIL, and I were talking because BIL was graduating college and she said how proud she was that he was getting a useful degree (nursing) and not something as stupid as my husband’s degree (Political Science).
The big nail in the coffin was after my husband and I came back from our honeymoon. We stopped by MIL/FIL’s house to drop something off. MIL was wasted and she told me that she wished we don’t have kids because they would be ugly.
Gosh… I was annoyed and super mad. MIL ‘tried’ to apologize but her apology was, ‘I’m sorry I expressed my feelings.’ MIL does this weird thing where she buys you gifts but treats you like crap, and those gifts that she gets you are supposed to erase all the horrible things she has said or done to you.
Well, this got me two pajama sets instead of the standard one pajama set, but instead of taking them, I told her I didn’t want them. That offended her.
This happened in 2021, and she is still giving me the silent treatment.
On the day we were leaving, we were leaving at 6 pm. That way my husband can say goodbye to his family, we can do most of the driving at night, and we can stop at our favorite local fast-food place.
FIL and BIL were there to say goodbye, but not MIL. They kept texting to see where she was, but she kept saying she will be there in a few minutes. It was 6:30 and our fast food place closes at 7 pm, so I told him I’m going to grab us food and I swung back to pick him up.
He didn’t want that and asked if I can wait with him.
I told him that MIL doesn’t want to say goodbye to me, that she has been texting ‘few minutes’ for the past 30 minutes, and that I want to eat at this restaurant one last time.
I reminded him again, I will come back for him with his food. He decided not to wait and we hit the road.
The road trip wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be. My husband was in a bad mood because he didn’t get to say goodbye to his mother, and for the first time in 2 years, MIL talked to me (through text) calling me a horrible person for not letting her say goodbye to her son.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t block MIL from her son. You didn’t force him to leave. You specifically said you’ll get the food and come back, giving your very much the jerk here MIL time to come and say goodbye to your husband.
Only he chose to leave rather than allow one last disrespect to his wife.
His grumpiness is understandable. It’s his mom and she’s a jerk.
Her misplaced anger is because her ego won’t allow her to look in the mirror.” Senior-Term-635
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yea your MIL is a jerk too, but she’s still your husband’s mom, and HE wanted the chance to say goodbye to her. You thought the food was more important. I would be very upset too if I were him.
You were on the way out from having to deal with her anymore, you should have sucked it up for your husband’s sake.” Moood79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Because you tried to compromise and say that he could stay while you went and picked up the food.
So it’s not really that you didn’t let him, you weren’t standing there telling him screw his mom and demanding he go with you. This was his choice to go with you instead of waiting. And also she knew what time you were leaving.
She should have had her butt there on time.” *************
4. AITJ For Kicking My Ex Out Over Wrapping Paper?
“I (23 F) share a kid with my Ex (34 M). (Yes, I know about the age gap, please do not comment about it. I understand the issue. This isn’t what it’s about.) He recently lost his house and job, I offered to let him stay with me for a week.
It’s been more than that. He hasn’t paid me rent, for any food, for WiFi, water, electricity, anything. Even though I told him if he was going to stay longer, he needed to start paying.
Our daughter will be turning one soon and we went to buy her presents.
I took him with me to make sure he bought her presents as well as other things as he has never bought her clothes or toys, not even for Christmas. The only thing he has contributed other than his sperm is diapers, thrice.
I pay for her food, deal with her long list of medical issues, and daycare. I’ve worked since she was 5 mos. I bought a house and put a roof over her head. I got food stamps when I couldn’t keep up.
I got her insurance. I’ve bought all her clothes from newborn to 1 year.
I have offered to have him not be her father, and no child support is needed. But he refused saying it’s his kid. So for her first-ever birthday, I bought her cake, a toy, a card, and wrapping paper for her gifts.
I bought her ribbons because she loves them and shoes because she just started walking and needs them. And I picked out some clothes and sat with him in the toy aisle for 30 mins edging him to pick a gift. I made him buy those and the gift and diapers, as well as pick out pretty wrapping paper.
He refused to buy her a card, some clothes, and wrapping paper. He told me he was just going to ‘give her the presents.’ I lost it. I told him that this was her first birthday and she will never have another.
I told him that I wanted to make it special and that I would wrap the gifts. He refused. I told him that he hasn’t bought her ANYTHING since she was born and he needed to buy this. He again refused and then later said he would ‘go to the .99 store to buy her a bag.’
I told him to get out of my house, saying this was the least he could do since I’m providing everything else, and he has done nothing for her. It’s not about the wrapping paper, it’s about giving her the world and providing her with things to make her happy, no matter how short-lived it is.
Was I the jerk? I’m second-guessing myself and wondering if I should apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this is so not about the wrapping paper. Maybe it was the final straw, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
It sounds like he was taking advantage of having a free place to live, but wants nothing to do with his daughter, despite his insistence that he does. Just being present does not make you a parent. You actually have to put effort into it.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, but the age gap aside, what on earth is this: ‘He recently lost his house and job, I offered to let him stay with me for a week. It’s been more than that. He hasn’t paid me rent, for any food, for WiFi, water, electricity, anything… as he has never bought her clothes or toys, not even for Christmas.
The only thing he has contributed other than his sperm is diapers, thrice. I pay for her food, deal with her long list of medical issues, and daycare.’
I don’t know how long you were with this guy, but holy cow THIS is the knight in shining armor you chose to be the father of your kid?
The loss of job and house might be a recent development, but the kind of person he is definitely is not. I’m starting to see that you’re perhaps not in the business of making smart life decisions.
But out of all that, it’s wrapping paper that tips the scales to a non-favorable position?
Really? Wrapping paper?
I pray for that child.
Everyone sucks here.” Capital-Literature-9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but also kind of a weird hill to die on. No, she will never have another first birthday, but she also won’t know the difference between wrapping paper and a free Pennysaver they give away at the door.
You said he lost his house and job. I can see why he doesn’t want to spend money on the wrapping paper. Sure, it was the absolute least he could do but it’s also not THAT big of a deal.” aneightfoldway
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You both have made a big mess and I don’t know where to begin.
I realize it’s her 1st birthday but she will never remember it. Only you will. You seem to be going overboard and expecting everything to be perfect, to the point of losing sight of what’s really important: Lots of love and being there for her.
A one-year-old’s attention span and understanding of the occasion are extremely lacking at that age. She won’t remember all the gifts but she’ll always remember feeling loved and safe.
He should be paying child support. It’s not just for her, it’s also to help pay for food, a roof over her head, clothing, and insurance, if he can’t provide insurance through his work since he’s not working.
It’ll also help with her college education and getting a car later on.
Please don’t be arguing in front of your child, especially not yelling. Your little girl needs to feel love and security. I highly advise some counseling to help you navigate through all this strife.” LoveBeach8
3. AITJ For Being Late Again?
“Last week I was invited to brunch with some of my closest friends.
We meet up quite regularly so this wasn’t anything special or uncommon.
Now, I’m gonna be honest, I used to be someone who was chronically late to everything. Like 20 – 30 minutes. I just couldn’t seem to manage my life enough to be on time.
However, I’ve seriously taken the time to change. Life planners, reminders, and overall more awareness of time and stuff have helped me a lot.
In the past 2 (?) years I’ve never been late for anything if there wasn’t a genuine reason.
(Train getting delayed or something like that)
Now all my precautions failed me last week and I found myself running late. Not terribly so big maybe 10 minutes behind schedule. I let the others know via text that I’ll be late and then they can start ordering drinks already and don’t have to wait for me.
I thought everything was dealt with, hurried up, and got to the place maybe 15 minutes late in total.
I was already ready to apologize and sit down at the table but as soon as I sat down everyone got up and left me there.
They told me that if they weren’t worth my time I wasn’t worth theirs either and they left the restaurant together.
I later saw on social media that they went out to eat together somewhere else.
Now I would’ve understood that if it was in my late era but I thought that it was clear that I’ve changed and wasn’t late just because I could.
(My friends are late sometimes too so I don’t see the reason for them being always on time)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a reformed late person who is basically almost never late now, I’m obviously sympathetic from the get-go, but holy crap, your ‘friends’ are such jerks.
One thing I’ve noticed is that even though I’ve been good about being on time for literally like over 6 years, nobody notices. The narrative is always ‘Oh you know OP, she’s always late’ or ‘Wow, I can’t believe you’re on time.’ I HAVE BEEN ON TIME FOR YEARS!
But it’s hard to get narratives like that to go away because people simply don’t notice.
I don’t know what to tell you. If this happened to me I’d text them some version of your post and not speak to them again.
This is some mean girls bullying crap and I wouldn’t put up with it. But that’s me.” hereforlulziguess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I am always on time and I panic if I am 5 minutes late. Even if you were my chronically late friend still, this is really rude.
There is a group of people so no one is left alone waiting, and anything 10 minutes or less beyond the time agreed to meet is just life. I have plenty of friends who are always 5-10 minutes late and I never care; it only matters if we are doing something with a precise start time.
And then, you haven’t been late in a while, so there was no reason for them to act this way.
This feels like a group of ‘friends’ who may have legitimate gripes about when you were chronically late, but haven’t let go of it and when they all got together hyped each other up about how rude it is to be late and did the worst group think/petty crap.
You did nothing wrong, you don’t have to be exactly on time for the rest of your life as penance for your late era, and you should spend time with another friend group. As a stickler for time, please know, it is not okay for them to treat you like this.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“I want to say not, but I also feel like there is a big chance that there is some very untrustworthy narration going on here. The caveat that you haven’t been late ‘unless there was a genuine reason’ makes me wonder if there have been a lot of ‘genuine’ reasons.
I’m guessing your history of lateness had your friends’ ‘nonsense’ meters already at their end and all the ‘genuine’ reasons you have had have started to feel less than genuine. Or it’s just happening too much. Because this kind of reaction just wouldn’t happen if you were actually the non-late person you say you now are with the consistency and transparency that you are implying here.
That this would lead a pretty big group of friends to do this with not a single one of them defending you or noticing your general consistency? Doesn’t add up.
People notice when chronically late people actually start respecting them.
I’m guessing you are just someone who isn’t as late as often as they used to be and who thinks they deserve grace for only wasting 15 minutes at a time instead of 30 or 45. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m going to say ‘no jerks here’, but I really think if you were being honest it’s probably a YTJ.
I live in a city with VERY inconsistent public transit, so I often get places very early and just go for a walk or browse a nearby shop to kill time so I’m not late. If your excuse is consistently the inconsistency of public transit, the fault is purely yours as far as I’m concerned. Because every time you choose being late over being early.” kittygattochat
2. AITJ For Stopping A Kid From Running Around The Restaurant?
“I (m21) went to eat with some friends from college at a restaurant that’s near the campus.
The place is not the nicest, but it’s better food than McDonald’s and we used to go there when we want to have a ‘semi special occasion’. This time the occasion was that the four of us had passed our exams.
It was lunchtime, the place was not completely full, but full enough. We had bad weather so we stayed inside (everyone did). Most people were adults.
Then two women (an older one and a middle-aged one) came with a baby and a kid around 7/10 years old.
I was sitting facing the door so I saw them walk in but I didn’t think any of it, I’m not someone easily annoyed by kids most times. They took a table in a corner. Our table was around the middle of the room.
We were waiting for our food and chatting. The kid was playing with the baby and they were making a bit of noise, but then again we all were making noise as most of us were accompanied and chatting.
After our food came in though, the kid started to wander around.
He wanted to read a sign near the door, then one near the back. After that he wanted to go to the bathroom, then he wanted to go outside, etc. It was kinda annoying but quite easy to just ignore.
Should I say that neither of the women that were with him did anything to stop him, not at any time?
At some point, the kid started to run around while yelling, he was playing with something by himself. He went on and on, and neither of the women did something.
Other people were looking annoyed too. He even accidentally hit my friend’s chair. As we were at the middle table, he started running circles around us. By the third time he tried passing next to me, I put my arm out to stop him.
I told him to stop that and to go sit down and wait until he’s home to run around because it’s inappropriate to bother other people in a public space. I also told him I’ll have him wait outside alone if he doesn’t behave (which I was obviously not gonna do because I can’t basically, it was just to scare him off).
I honestly don’t know how it came out, in my mind I was quite calm but apparently, I was screaming at the kid.
The kid started to cry and then (I assume) his mom came in and told me off for saying something to him and how he’s just a kid and was playing and such.
I told her I wouldn’t have had to do anything if she would have told the kid to stay quiet before.
Some guy from the staff came in and asked what happened. She told him I had yelled at the kid, I told him that yeah I did but calmly explained why I did it.
He said that we should just let this go for once and that next time the staff will manage the situation before anything happens. The woman was fuming so they left.
My friends told me I did in fact scream at the kid but they were annoyed too and said they were about to complain to management over this kid.
I honestly think that would’ve been the best idea and now I think that I took the wrong turn here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you really just put your arm out and didn’t touch him and just raised your voice by saying go sit down (since he’s legit running around your table and running into your friends which is physical, by the way) you had every right to tell him to go sit down and it’s a child so it’s not some huge shock ‘And if you don’t you will get into blah blah trouble’.
If you fully screamed at the child that’s kind of weird and it would have probably been better to first tell the mom to take care of their obnoxious kid before telling the kid to fix his shut, but whenever someone raises their voice people seem to equate it to screaming which is so strange.
Like I swear this happens all the time all you did was raise your voice at little kid being a brat telling him to go sit down and it’s not nice to do that.” uhohstinkyhaha
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Firstly don’t touch random kids, just don’t.
It’ll only cause you trouble. No one thanks you for it and you could get some nasty false accusations that you were violent or something. Secondly, when a child is a vile brat, despite the enjoyment you can see on their faces knowing they are upsetting people, it’s not totally on them, and you have to put the blame and humiliation where it belongs: the adults enabling it.
You should have walked up to the women’s table first and said quite clearly and loudly but calmly ‘Please keep that kid under control, we’ve had a few near misses already and I don’t want to see anyone hurt by him or have their property damaged,’ so that anyone who missed it could see it was them responsible for his rude and dangerous behavior.
If they failed to make him sit still then you get the manager.” Ebechops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the mother knew the kid was misbehaving and didn’t think it was wrong and kept allowing it. She didn’t say anything until you said something.
It didn’t seem like you yelled on purpose as you had to get confirmation from your friends. The staff should have done something too. They waited until it escalated. The mother was not watching her child well enough and was trusting strangers to do her job.
Also, the kid could have run off or been kidnapped. They would probably bring the kid back. It seems like the kid was targeting you specifically.” Puzzleheaded_Skin131
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You’re a jerk because you should have complained to the manager about the kid and the fact that the staff was ignoring it.
Then, if nothing was done, you should have finished up and left one-star reviews on social media, if possible. You shouldn’t have yelled and made threats. The mom, however, is a huge jerk for bringing an undisciplined child she refuses to parent into a restaurant and letting him run wild.
Those are the worst parents. But now that she knows someone else will yell at her child in public, maybe she’ll stop letting him run wild. I wouldn’t hold my breath, though.” User
You would NEVER see my kid (or any kid I was in charge of) running around a restaurant. Because I would have brought something for him to do. On rare occasions when I have been in public with a kid being too loud or whatever (never running around, but I don't play that) I would encourage a stranger to speak to him because kids sometimes listen to strangers better than their own adults.
1. AITJ For Keeping My Late Neighbor's Scarf?
“I (17F) have lived right next to an elderly woman we’ll call Anne who recently passed away at 91 years old. I have no b***d ties to her whatsoever but she’s been my neighbor for as long as I can remember.
I visited her regularly growing up and practically considered her my unofficial grandma.
This February I was hanging out at her house chatting with her and helping her with cleaning up the house when I found an old scarf in a wardrobe, it was grey and decorated with pearls.
I showed it to her and told her I found it to be pretty and she replied I could have it if I wished.
Fast forward to just a couple of days ago and Anne’s children and grandchildren came to my house.
They said they found out Anne gave me her old scarf and they demanded I return it to them because apparently, it was the scarf Anne was wearing when she first met her husband and they had decided they wanted to put that scarf in her grave right next to her husband’s grave.
I told them that Anne never told me anything about that when she gave it to me. Anne’s family said that she wasn’t in her full mental capacity when that happened and that I have no right to appropriate such an important piece of their family’s history.
My parents intervened and the debate got very heated. In the end, they went away and let me keep the scarf but they told me I had disrespected the dead and that I don’t deserve to visit her grave.
The thought of disrespecting Anne’s legacy deeply affected me and I spent that afternoon in tears thinking that maybe their family had a point.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it wasn’t like she offered it to you. You found it and went out of your way to ask her. She probably said yes forgetting the importance of the scarf. Based on what you said, it seems like she had dementia.
She did not want you to have that specific scarf, you asked for something that you happened to find and just said yes to anything that you asked. It seems important to the family as they went out of their way to find out who had it.
It was just a pretty scarf to you.” Puzzleheaded_Skin131
Another User Comments:
“NTJ buuuut… if they noticed that it was missing out of an entire house/life’s worth of belongings, then it probably DID hold significant sentimental value to them.
And if it was the item they were insistent on burying her in, because it also reminded them of her relationship with their father, well… you should’ve handed it over and asked to choose a different memento to remember her by.
Technically it’s yours… and they shouldn’t have said such things to a teenager… but they are also grieving. If you were an adult, I’d have said YTJ, But I wouldn’t fault a teen for not knowing how to handle a sticky situation like this.
I’m very sorry for your (and her family’s) loss. Funerals/burials are for the grieving family, not the dead person, so people saying that it was her dying wish to give you this scarf, are being dramatic.” Glum_Shop_9098
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Either they are telling the truth and it has a lot of sentimental value and she probably forgot why it was so special when she gave it to you. Or, it is valuable and she didn’t realize what she was giving away.
This isn’t like she gave it to you in her will when she would have had to have been in sound mind. This is an exchange that happened between a 91-year-old that the family is saying wasn’t at full mental capacity and a 17-year-old while alone.
I can’t imagine keeping something that the family finds so special they want to bury with the deceased.” GnatOwl
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The scarf is legally yours to do whatever you want. The family is not right, legally, to pursue the scarf in the way they have.
However, it would take a cold soul to not return a treasured memory to a family so it can be buried with her. So that her body can be warmed by the scarf, a constant memory of the husband she (presumably) predeceased, in death.
Absolutely unhinged and unempathetic behavior.
Especially since you took the scarf out of the closet, in my opinion, in the hopes she would give it to you.” Kind_Ease_6580
Her mom, however... just wow. She should be thankful that any of the upperclassmen include her daughter in anything and look out for her well being. Instead, she threatens to remove her daughter from a good social situation because her own ideals are so far out of whack.
If she keeps sheltering her daughter like this and not teach her valuable life lessons like hygiene, what to expect from the opposite jerk and how to value herself she'll end up pregnant by the first guy in college that whispers nice things in her ear and THAT would be tragic.