People Ask To Be Corrected With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For How I Reacted When My Roommate's Significant Other Broke My Keyboard?
“I’m a 19M college student living with ‘Alex,’ a 20M fellow college student who’s in a relationship with ‘Dana,’ a 19F, also a college student.
Alex and I pay for the apartment, Dana does not. She spends a lot of her day here and spends a few nights a week. I don’t really care that much for her; I’m not crazy social, so her being in the apt is mainly unnoticed by me since I spend most of the day at school, work, and practicing piano. That’s important, I promise.
You see, I really enjoy the piano. I own a keyboard that isn’t great, but it gets the job done, and I’ve had it since I was 15. I paid for it with my own funds, and I am weirdly attached to it.
I don’t like people to touch it or mess with it without my direct permission and supervision, and I treat it very gently since it’s a bit old.
Anyway, one day I was in my room doing homework in bed as usual, and Dana came in to talk with me about something.
I was just chatting with her about nothing super relevant when she sat down at my piano bench. Okay, whatever; she’s not even facing the keyboard and clearly isn’t interested in messing with it at all. Or so I thought.
We finish up talking, and she stands up to leave, realizes she’s been sitting in front of the piano, turns around, and turns it on. I started getting stressed a bit, but oh well. She starts playing a few notes with one hand, and I notice that it’s come off its stand about halfway.
Her fault? Maybe, maybe not. I stood up and said something like, ‘Hey, it’s about to fall; let me fix it.’ Before I could finish my sentence, she slammed down with her left hand, and the whole thing came off the stand and hit the wood floor corner first. It clattered to the ground, and I noticed a little white shard go flying across the floor.
I told her to back up and walk away so I could pick up the keyboard and assess the damage.
Upon looking at it, I realized that one of the keys had snapped off. I tried not to get angry and plugged it back into the wall, only to find that it just wouldn’t turn on.
I sighed and told her just to leave and come back when Alex got home from work since I just didn’t want her around after breaking something so important to me. She said I was being silly and that she wouldn’t leave; she would just go out to the living room.
I responded that I’d prefer she just completely leave, but if she were to stay in the apartment, she should just leave me alone. She left my room and went to watch television in the living room.
When Alex got back, she told him everything, with an emphasis on how angry I had seemed while asking her to get out.
Alex agreed with her that I was being irrational and a bit creepy over everything and that it wasn’t my place to tell her to leave. I don’t know what I should have done; I don’t necessarily think it’s worth apologizing for since I was the one who has to pay for a new keyboard, but I want to know if I can handle it any better in the future.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask your roommate about when his guest is going to pay for the stuff she broke. It is a natural boundary that guests of one roommate don’t mess with the stuff of another and really shouldn’t be there unless the host is.
That is a good boundary to set. Yes, you have the right to ask an uninvited intruder to leave your home. Your roommate isn’t there. She doesn’t live there or pay rent. So she doesn’t need to be there.
It is not irrational to be upset when a person breaks something dear to you and fails to take responsibility for it.
I suspect she was messing with you as you are around enough to know it is precious to you.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She didn’t ask to use your keyboard; she ignored you when you said it could potentially fall if its stand was broken; she proceeded to roughly play the keyboard which in turn broke it, and she didn’t apologize?!
She should have 100% offered to pay for that mistake. Also, you have EVERY right to kick her out of YOUR apartment. She is getting too comfortable in a place that she is not paying rent for.” jd_5344
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She shouldn’t be there when your roommates aren’t there. Talk with your roommate and make boundaries.
A normal, nice person would have left after you asked them to because it’s NOT THEIR HOME and the person they go to see at that time is NOT EVEN THERE.
They will or are going to take advantage of the fact that she will be there more than half the week, even though it is technically NOT her home.
If I were you, I would at least make it a requirement that no guest be allowed unless the person they are visiting is home.
PERIOD.” celerysticks22
19. AITJ For Asking My Sister-In-Law To Relocate Her Son's Birthday Party For Me?
“I (26F) am the youngest of 5 children and have a close-knit family, but I do have a rocky relationship with my SIL.
She and my brother have 4 kids together, and she definitely wears the pants in the relationship.
My nephews (they are twins) are turning 9, and my SIL wants to have a family birthday party for them. My family lives relatively close to one another (30 minutes or so) with the exception of my brother and SIL, who live about 2 hours away from all of us.
My SIL is planning to have the birthday party at her home with just my family, her parents (they live near her), and her SIL’s family (equal distance between our family and my brother or SIL). After speaking with my mom, I called my SIL and asked if we could relocate the party to my parents’ house.
I am 37 weeks pregnant, will be closer to 39 weeks at the time of the party, and would feel more comfortable closer to home.
Two hours in the car at 39 weeks pregnant is a lot, not to mention feeling nervous about the possibility of going into labor.
I told my SIL that my mom (and myself, to the best of my ability) could plan and pay for everything for the party since they would have to make the trip to us; my mom had agreed to this.
She could still plan and do whatever she wanted, but the thought was to compromise and take some of the pressure off of her in return for her relocating so I could be there.
My SIL refuses. She said that it is her kids’ party and must be done at her house.
She said it was selfish and disrespectful of me to even ask. She said that it takes the boys out of their environment; their older girls (12 and 14) would not be able to hang out with friends after the party, and now her parents would have to make the trip too.
I tried to reason with her, but she wasn’t having it. She said I was ruining my nephew’s party by causing this tension, and if I didn’t want to come, I didn’t have to. She accused me of using my pregnancy as an excuse to gain control.
As it stands now, the party is at her house, and my husband and I will not be going. I am just not comfortable being that far from home so close to giving birth, and clearly, she didn’t want to take me up on my offer to make the party easier for her and have all of our family together.
She is mad at my mom for not telling me that I was being ridiculous. My parents are still going to the party (as they should, but I’m sure my SIL will make it known that she is upset with my mom).
AITJ for asking my SIL to relocate my nephew’s birthday so I could attend?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you really need to check your main character syndrome now that you’re about to be a parent. I don’t know why you think your presence is so important that your nephew’s whole party should be relocated 2 hours away from his home just for your comfort, but you need to understand that you aren’t at the center of everyone’s lives, and very soon now you’ll need to get used to putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own.” doobieduder
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It isn’t reasonable to request that everyone change their plans to accommodate your pregnancy. It is reasonable to call and tell them that you and your husband will not be able to attend due to the birthday party being so close to your due date.
That’s all you had to say.
It doesn’t matter if you and your mother are willing to host the event; this is her family’s event to plan as they see fit.
I was kind of leaning toward ‘everyone sucks’, because she does sound like an unpleasant person, but you never should have asked her to relocate the party to accommodate you.
Your reasons for not wanting to travel are legitimate, but that just means you don’t attend the party.” Oliviarose85
Another User Comments:
“Oh yes, YTJ. Your nephews’ party needs to be focused on them, not you. You are being reasonable in not wanting to travel at this stage in your pregnancy.
You are being unreasonable in expecting your SIL to cater to you. You are not the star here.
Since it would be very simple to send gifts for the boys and explain why you cannot go, what is really going on here?
It’s clear you don’t like your SIL. Is this some sort of power play for you? Proving you are more important to the family than her? If so, drop it. Life is too short, and family is too precious. At the rate you are going, your child will not know their cousins.
Unless that is your actual goal, If so, then carry on.” Initial-Respond7967
18. AITJ For Arguing With My Mother-In-Law Who's Living In My House?
“I (24 f) and my husband (30 m) live with his mother (50 f). MIL is a clean freak she expects our house to be spotless every room of it like no one lives here and our house is just on display.
My husband and I do not live like this and haven’t lived like this for as long as I’ve known him.
My husband is lazy and I’ve grown to accept it sure our bathroom floor has a pile of laundry on it with clothes and towels, but my BIL was frustrated, and understandably so.
He texted my husband and my husband said I’ll pick it up when I get him. This is where it gets crazy MIL asked why and I told her to ask her son why. It doesn’t matter how many laundry baskets I put in there he just doesn’t use them.
She said well maybe you should do it then I told her I am not going to and then she called me a jerk and said I was giving her attitude.
I told her if she didn’t like things then she could leave.
She then said I was only with her son for his salary. She also called me lazy I’m a mother and a full-time college student and I’m sorry my days don’t look like yours spending them cleaning I don’t have the mental space or capacity for it.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If MIL wants the house to be perfectly clean and tidy, then she can do the housework. Doesn’t want to do that? She can move out. It’s not your job to clean up after your husband.
And personally, I would be sweeping MIL (and possibly BIL) right out of my house if she called me a jerk or said those other things. I wouldn’t even have said, ‘If you don’t like it, you can leave’. More like, ‘You have a month to find somewhere else to live’.
By the way, be careful because now that they live with you, it could be very hard to evict them if it comes to that.” indendosha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: If his mother wants the house to meet her standards of cleanliness, she should clean the house, and if it’s her son not picking up after himself, she did not teach him well, so she should pick up after him.
You are not his mother, so you have no responsibility to pick up after him to make his mom happy.” Be_kind2_each_other
17. AITJ For Sitting On My Partner's Friend's Lap?
“I (25F) and my significant other B (25M) have been together for 2 years.
B is very intelligent, thoughtful, and polite, but he is a people pleaser and does not like confrontation. He has a best friend K (21M). K has big eyes, a cute button nose, and an adorable smile, and an awful personality.
If he doesn’t know you, he’s rude. B says that’s just how he is. K likes to make fun of me. But B says K is just teasing me and he likes me a lot.
B keeps inviting K on our outings that are supposed to be dates.
Most recently, B organized a hiking or nature outing. When we arrived, I found out he had invited K. The three of us did an easy but long hike for the entire day. At the end of the trail, there is a ride that takes you back to civilization.
I don’t know exactly how to explain it, but it’s a truck that is attached to a trap with seats. It’s not enclosed, so you can see the night sky and feel the breeze. The ride comes around every 2 hours.
There were several people waiting for the ride back at the end of the hike. When it came, everyone scrambled on, and I didn’t have a seat. The driver yelled that I couldn’t stand. I asked B to move over since I’m pretty small, but he said he didn’t think it was allowed since it was one seat.
He told me to wait here for the next ride. I didn’t want to wait alone while it was getting dark. The driver said to either sit down or get off. I started to move to get off. K said to sit on his lap.
I wasn’t in the mood to joke, so I sat on his lap. The ride was about 50 minutes to an hour long. We got off, B and I went to my car, and I thought that was the end of that.
B told me that I had embarrassed K and everyone in the ride with the stunt I pulled. He said that I acted immaturely and should not have done that. I should’ve waited for the next ride. He requested an apology.
I said I didn’t think I did anything wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Your SO refuses to stand up for you and makes excuses for his friend. He was more concerned about you ’embarrassing’ his friend than leaving you alone, in the dark, in the middle of the woods, for TWO HOURS.
He keeps inviting K on your dates.
He either has some serious and unhealthy co-dependent attachment with K or maybe he secretly has feelings for him. In any case, if he’s a people-pleaser, he doesn’t seem to care about pleasing you, the one who is supposed to be his significant other.
He cares more about pleasing K.
You deserve to be respected by your partner, not reprimanded like a child, and you don’t deserve to be insulted by his friends. Your partner should not ‘demand’ apologies from you. You are better than both of them.
Since he’s intent on choosing K above you, leave him to him and remove yourself from the situation. It isn’t going to get better.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh honey, your SO wanted you to stay alone on a trail in the dark for two hours rather than get off and wait with you, shoot over and let you sit down, or sit in his lap.
He would rather have abandoned you. Even his friend who bullied you knew that was very wrong. Then he berates you for embarrassing them? He already lets you be subject to others making fun of you, and tries to leave you behind, and when you manage to avoid that he berates you and calls you immature?
The way a person acts in one situation is how they will act in other situations. There will be more times more dire than that one and he won’t be there for you, but he will pull you down. A guy who takes his best friend on dates all the time likes the friend more than he does you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SO wanted you to get off and wait two hours for the next ride all by yourself in the dark. K was the one who told you you can sit on his lap, but it should have been your SO.
And if he wasn’t okay with it, he should have immediately used his voice about it. If K felt embarrassed, he should have also told you and from what you wrote about his personality, I assume he would have told you to get off him if that was the case.
What exactly is your SO’s problem? He was ready to abandon you in nature without thinking of any other possible solution and now he acts like a child. Dump him as soon as possible.” aflowercalledlily
16. AITJ For Reporting My Parents' Neglect To Authorities?
“My brother Terry is non-verbal and, according to his specialist, has the intellectual and mental capacity of a very young child. Terry can still be very difficult to look after.
He will experience meltdowns if something makes him uncomfortable (such as a food texture he does not like) or will throw fits if he cannot have his way. Terry has broken holes in the walls during his meltdowns and fits, and I am honestly afraid of him whenever he becomes destructive that way because he is larger and stronger than me.
I had been parentified by the time I was about thirteen because my parents expected me to handle Terry’s needs whenever they were busy or needed a break (which was often). I have been upfront with my parents that I still hold resentment towards them because of this and that Terry should not have been my responsibility to the extent they made him.
My parents insist their parenting was perfect and are unwilling to alter their viewpoint. I have told them that I am not going to be Terry’s caregiver and to not leave him with me.
Unfortunately, my parents know where I live.
Recently, my parents have begun ringing my doorbell, telling me to watch Terry, and then leaving before I can say anything back. Then I’d have to cancel my plans and wait on the porch with Terry until they came back.
When they came back, I told them all four times to stop doing this, but I was ignored every time. I was forced to call out of work for the most recent ‘drop-off’ incident. I lost my temper with my mother when she came to pick up Terry and told her that if she or my father tried to leave Terry with me even one more time, I would call Adult Protective Services and report Terry as abandoned.
A few days later, my mother again dropped Terry off on my porch and took off. So I followed through with my word and called to report Terry as an abandoned disabled adult. I waited with him on the porch until a social worker came.
My parents exploded on me, calling me a horrible daughter and sister. They said they were barely able to get Terry back and accused me of only caring about myself and wanting Terry to be neglected in a public group home.
I snapped at them that Terry would probably be better off in a public group home because they’re the ones neglecting him for their own convenience. And that I’m not going to keep putting my life on pause for their own personal comfort anymore.
Now people (mostly friends of my parents) who I barely even knew or remembered before are bombarding me with messages calling me selfish. A few have approached me in public to tell me that I don’t care about my brother and that I’m ungrateful for all the sacrifices that my parents made for me and Terry.
I’ve already changed my phone number. But it’s getting so bad that I am considering applying for a job transfer and moving. AITJ, and are their words toward me deserved?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents wouldn’t respect your boundaries; they will now.
Your parents wouldn’t take proper care and arrange for proper respite care for Terry. They will now.
As for the peanut gallery, reply to every message that they are never to contact you again, and if they do, you will call the police for stalking.
You should screenshot the message so you have proof later. If they accost you in public, immediately ask them for $1,000 so you can create a respite care fund so Terry can get qualified, safe care when your parents need a break.
When they refuse, tell them they need to shut up about how your family takes care of your dangerous and unstable brother and never speak to you again until they pony up for his care.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m really sorry that your parents don’t see you as their child but as a built-in caregiver for Terry.
The truth is that your parents are never going to protect you. They’re never going to put you above Terry. You must protect yourself from your parents and their behavior.
Terry is not your responsibility. Anyone who tries to tell you that you are a bad person for refusing to give in to your parents’ entitlement is a jerk. Your parents have to figure out how to manage Terry’s care, and managing his care by dumping him at your door does not count.
They deserve to have APS called on them because they are neglecting your brother.
For the future, because it will certainly only get worse as your parents get older if your parents name you as Terry’s caregiver, you do not have to accept.
They cannot force you, while they are alive or after they die, to become Terry’s carer.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, your brother will benefit from specialized care. You are an adult with your own life and cannot be expected to assume your parent’s responsibilities or defer & ignore meeting your own responsibilities to compensate for their neglect.
You did the correct thing by notifying adult protective services. You are correct that a group home with trained habilitation specialists and a peer group may be in the best interests of your brother’s happiness. My developmentally disabled niece enjoyed the education, social life, friends, and supportive work environment she experienced in her group home.
It is indeed a good option.” stephnetkin
15. AITJ For Being Angry At My Sister-In-Law For Calling While I'm At Work?
“I work in an environment where the use of mobile phones, or even bringing them into the area, is strictly prohibited. So, while I’m at work, the only way to get in contact with me is via the desk phone, or send me a text so that I can answer while I’m either on my lunch break or have finished work for the day and am on my way home.
I’ve known my SIL for 7 years, and I’ve been working in this environment for 5 years this November. I’ve changed locations twice, but the environment has been the same: no mobile phones or smart devices (this includes any type of electronic; cameras, audio recording, etc.).
I told her when I started working there of the situation and requested that if she needs to get in contact, use those specific methods. I’ve had to remind her of this more times than I can count over the years—that I’m not able to answer my mobile at all while I’m at work.
But still, she calls. She doesn’t call just once either; she will call 3–4 times in one go if you don’t answer on the first attempt, which makes me believe that there’s an emergency and sends me into a panic when all she wants is to ask if I’d like to go for coffee.
Last week, she called my mobile as I was walking into the locker room, and so I answered the phone. (I’d just walked out of the office after having a disagreement with a stakeholder over the phone over a policy and wanted to have a tea and calm down.) She started saying that she was surprised that I answered because I never answer the phone.
I told her what happened, and then I asked if she knew I wasn’t going to answer, then why did she call and not just send a text? She then muttered, ‘Well, I’ll just message you then,’ and went to hang up.
I got frustrated and told her (very directly, but not disrespectfully), ‘There’s no point texting me now just to ask me the question she was calling me for. It wasn’t even an urgent question; it was about my plans for the weekend (it was Wednesday).’
I told her that I wasn’t sure and that I would call her when I knew. I explained that I had a bad work call and wasn’t able to speak just yet. I reminded her again about just sending me a text when she knew that I was at work.
I told her that it wasn’t the first time that I asked for this simple request, and I even made sure that she had my desk phone number to call if it was really urgent. She seemed understanding, and we ended the call.
I got home later, and my partner immediately questioned me about the phone call, as SIL called him straight after, apparently in tears, because I was disrespectful and she was convinced that I hated her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister-in-law is the jerk for crying to your partner about the disagreement.
Also in general for not listening and being someone who calls repeatedly over non-emergencies. If she prefers calling over texting, she can still leave a voicemail.
You contributed to the problem by answering the phone and then saying you didn’t have time to talk.
Why answer at all? This didn’t make you a jerk, but it didn’t help.” february_third
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your SIL has chosen this hill to die on, and you are unfortunately enabling it by picking it up for her at all.
You said you told her over and over about the no phone rule at work, and she blithely ignored you. Calling that number over and over is an act of stubborn hostility. SIL does not like you because you are thwarting her will.
She will never stop doing it, because this is how she knows she’s alive. As for crying about it with your partner, that’s an act.
But notice how she’s dragging him into it.
Either put up with these antics or cut her phoning out of your workday.” RealbadtheBandit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like SIL is emotionally high-maintenance and disrespectful, and it seems like she’s kind of an idiot.
You’ve told this woman numerous times. I assume she does not have special needs or a learning disability.
What part of ‘Do not call me while I am at work’ is so hard to understand? Especially saying it for FIVE YEARS! It’s pretty simple, for Pete’s sake.
Sorry, OP. It’s sad to say, but you can’t fix stupid.
If she doesn’t get it by now, she never will. I don’t know what else you can possibly do other than just ignore her calls and texts until you get to leave work.” 1moreKnife2theheart
SIL isn't mentally challenged or on the spectrum, so the only explanation for her behavior is that she's a stubborn cow with no respect for boundaries. Teach her some. Yesterday.
14. AITJ For Walking Out When People Started Singing "Happy Birthday" To Me?
“I (35f) am an introvert and have severe anxiety.
Being the center of attention is my biggest nightmare. I would be fine living alone in the woods as a recluse.
Because of that, I HATE going out for my birthday; I’ll either spend it alone or at home with close friends, where I am more comfortable.
I have some friends and family who always want me to go out for my birthday with them, and sometimes I go.
Unfortunately, even though I literally beg them not to, every once in a while, someone will think it’s funny to tell the staff it’s my birthday and have them do the whole dessert and sing happy birthday, and I literally go into a full-on panic attack.
They think it’s hilarious; I’ve even had them pull out cameras and record while they laugh.
A week ago, my grandma died. The family pushed and wanted to have a birthday dinner. Said it would be good to get out of the house.
Some close friends also went.
Well, we are finishing up dinner, and I hear the sound that literally filled me with anger and rage.
It was the sounds of the line of wait staff clapping as they were all walking towards us with a dessert with candles, and they started their restaurant’s signature, loud, obnoxious birthday song.
My brother and his wife started laughing.
With the wait staff midway and about 5 feet from our table, I got up, walked out of the restaurant, got in my car, and went home.
My mom says she was mortified and said I was the major jerk, and that it wasn’t only rude to everyone who came to my birthday but also to the staff, and that she had to apologize profusely and leave an extra tip.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve repeatedly told them you don’t want this treatment, they’ve repeatedly seen the negative impact on your mental health. Any friends who continue to subject you to this torment are not your friends; any family members who subject you to this torment don’t deserve to remain family.
I can’t imagine being mad at anybody – let alone my own child – for taking measures to safeguard their own mental health. Your mom should be mortified, but not for the reasons she is. She should be mortified at having her emotionally abusive behavior laid bare for the world to see.
They repeatedly trigger your extreme emotional distress and then film it for their entertainment. I mean what do they do, get together when you’re not there for a comedic screening of the panic attacks they’ve given you? They should all be ashamed of themselves, and you did nothing wrong.
I gotta say, with a family like that, it’s no wonder you grew up to value your solitude. Not only are you not the jerk, you’d be completely justified in cutting them all off and never looking back.” TurtleTheMoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have set clear boundaries with your family that they continuously trample because they find it enjoyable to see you have a panic attack. That right there makes them jerks, giant ones. You have a true medical condition that your family treats as a funny inconvenience rather than the serious issue it is.
Consistently triggering a panic attack in a person can actually lead to not only further mental health issues but literal heart damage. Time to put an end to any public dinners with family members until they learn to respect you as a person and your boundaries.” Grannywine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve asked them to stop doing this. They know how much it upsets you when they do this (that seems to be the bit they enjoy, for some reason). They refuse to stop doing it.
At that point, your only remaining option is to remove yourself from the situation. So you did.
You didn’t cause a scene; you didn’t tell them what a bunch of jerks they are. You just quietly left. If they wanted you to stay and enjoy celebrating your birthday with them, then they could have achieved that very easily by just not trying to humiliate you for their own amusement.
If you choose to go out with them in the future, always drive yourself, and if they pull this crap again, respond in the exact same way. Keep doing that until they learn that you will not allow them to do this to you.
If it were me, I’d just never go out with them again, but I appreciate that’s not an easy choice for everyone.” lemlemsx
13. AITJ For Being Offended By My Partner's Comments About My Looks Before?
“So I (21 M) have been with my partner for a little over 6 months, and all was going well until my partner (22 M) made some hurtful comments about some old pictures of me.
I used to be very overweight and had bad acne in high school, but after graduating and the global crisis hitting, I went on a huge journey of self-improvement and managed to change myself drastically for the better.
I would even say I managed to change myself into my almost ideal self.
Despite all this, I wouldn’t say I was insecure about my physical self; my personality feels the same; I just changed my outside to better reflect it.
So the interaction with my partner occurred as follows:
He and I are doing a little digging in some file containers at my place in search of my documents, and he finds an old picture of me.
Him: Whoa, babe, is this you?
Me: yup
Him: I didn’t realize you used to be so big.
A moment of awkward silence passes.
Me: Yeah… Does that make you think of me differently?
Him: Well, not really… But I am not sure if I would have even looked at you while passing back then.
This last comment was the one that made me feel some sort of way.
Me: You realize that when you say something like that, it can be a little demeaning, right?
Him: Well, you weren’t the best-looking, and it’s kind of easy to tell.
Me: Even so, it was never anyone’s place to say that.
Him: Hey, the truth hurts, but I can see you are getting a little butthurt about it, so I will drop it.
Then from there, things escalated, and we ended up arguing about it for a while, and well… We are still a little tense about it.
He says that I am blowing it out of proportion and that there is no reason to feel any way about it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are allowed your feelings, and you were open and communicative about them.
The issue is less about making those hurtful comments (yes, that was cruel and unnecessary), but that he also doesn’t own up to hurting you, and it’s somehow your fault for reacting this way both to the comment and his response to your feelings.
He needs to apologize and understand why those kinds of comments hurt, but he probably won’t. It’s on you to just get over his callous statements because anything he deems an overreaction is obviously not his fault.
NTJ” CurrencyOld7187
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He insulted you, and you reacted appropriately. The photos of you as a larger person were still you. Making negative comments about the way you looked back then was hurtful, and if he had any empathy, he would know that.
I don’t think I could feel the same way about him after he made those comments. Now you know that if something happens and you gain some of the weight back, he’s going to reject you. That’s not the basis for a real and lasting bond.
People’s physical appearance changes over time, so you need a deeper connection than just physical attraction to make a relationship last long-term.” Crazy_Banshee_333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, comments like this make me worried about the future. Bodies change and looks change.
If that’s what he is saying – that he wouldn’t have dated you if you looked like that, I’m wondering what about if you have health issues and gain weight again. I would be asking myself, ‘Will he still want to be with me or leave because I look like what he said he wouldn’t have dated?’ I know you said you have been together a short time but it’s better to know this now than later after you waste your time.” OkRecognition773
12. AITJ For My Reaction When My Sister Ate The Last Piece Of Cake?
“I (24F) live with my older sister (27F) in a small apartment. We generally get along well and share household responsibilities. We also share groceries and occasionally treat ourselves to some desserts or snacks.
Last week, I bought a small cake for us to share. We each had a slice, and there was one piece left. I mentioned that I wanted to save the last piece for a treat after work the following day.
My sister agreed, and I didn’t think much of it.
The next day, I came home from work looking forward to enjoying the last slice of cake. When I opened the fridge, I discovered that the cake was gone. My sister admitted that she had eaten it, even though she knew I had called first dibs on it.
She said she had a moment of weakness and thought it wouldn’t be a big deal.
I got upset and accused her of being selfish and inconsiderate for eating the piece I had been looking forward to all day. She felt guilty and apologized, but I was still really hurt by her actions.
My sister offered to buy another cake or any other dessert of my choice to make it up to me, but I told her it wasn’t about the cake itself. It’s about her not respecting my wishes and taking something that I had clearly claimed.
This incident has made me reconsider living with my sister. I feel like our relationship is strained, and I’m thinking about moving out to have my own space and avoid any further conflicts. However, I’m aware that my sister can’t afford the rent on her own, and if I move out, she’ll likely have to move back in with our parents.
My sister thinks I’m overreacting to a small issue and that it’s just a piece of cake. She has already apologized and offered to replace it, but I still feel hurt and disrespected.
So, AITJ for considering moving out because my sister ate the last piece of cake I had been saving for myself, knowing she can’t afford the rent on her own?”
Another User Comments:
“If this is the only issue you have living with your sister, then I think it is an over-the-top reaction. If you don’t like living with your sister, you shouldn’t have to live with her. I would rather live alone in a tiny space than share a larger space with someone else.
Couldn’t your sister find another roommate if you chose to move out on your own? You should do whatever will make you happy in the long term. I wouldn’t make this sort of change over a piece of cake. I don’t think you are the jerk here, and neither is your sister; she did something a bit selfish but has apologized and tried to make it up to you.
I wouldn’t hold a grudge over it.
No jerks here” ContentedRecluse
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you are going nuclear over a piece of cake. Should she have respected the fact that it was your piece of cake? Yeah, but she apologized and offered to not only replace it but buy an entirely new whole cake or any other dessert to make up for it.
It sounds like there haven’t been any major problems between the two of you before, so I am flabbergasted why something as small as this is causing you to strain an otherwise good relationship and living arrangement.
Do you seriously think cohabitating with anyone will be perfect all the time?
No, sometimes there will be miscommunication, annoyances, eating your food, or any number of other conflicts. What matters is resolving it, and it sounds like your sister is more than willing to go above and beyond. It’s one thing if she consistently overstepped your boundaries, but she ate your slice of cake once.
It’s seriously not that deep. Take a breath.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not about the cake. It’s about your boundaries not being respected. You have a right to feel safe in your home. If that’s not happening, then you need to find another home.
If your sister cannot afford the place on her own, she’ll need to get a roommate. If this is the first incident, give her a chance to change. If this is a habit of repeated behavior, start looking for a new place.” The_Matt_In_The_Hatt
Another User Comments:
“Grow up! I’m a teenager and you’re an adult, and I’m telling you to grow up. I understand 100% why it would make you upset overall, but she: explained her actions by saying she had a moment of weakness, kept that as a reason without making it an excuse and she said sorry, she feels bad about it, and offered to take responsibility and buy you another cake or dessert of your choice.
She took all responsibility and offered to make it better, that’s a real apology. Like, I get that she should’ve not eaten it when she agreed not to, or maybe she could’ve bought another cake for herself, but to threaten to move out because of it?
You obviously don’t have the maturity level to accept that situation and the apology and move on. She took more responsibility for a slice of cake than most people would take for crazy severe situations. You are extremely immature and YTJ!
AND you ADMIT she wouldn’t be able to pay rent without you living there with her!? You’re ridiculous and immature. 100000000% jerk.” love_ViolentVira
11. AITJ For Prohibiting Dogs At My Wedding?
“I (27F) am getting married in a few months to my fiance (28M). We have been planning our dream wedding for over a year, and everything is finally falling into place.
However, there is one issue that has been causing quite a bit of controversy in our family.
My nephew (18 m), ‘James’, has a service dog, ‘Max’, for his anxiety and panic attacks. Max is a well-trained and well-behaved dog, and he has been a great help to James over the years.
However, I am severely allergic to dogs, to the point where I could have a severe reaction if I am around them for an extended period of time. This is something my family is well aware of.
When we sent out the invitations for our wedding, we made it clear that there would be a strict no-pets policy due to my allergies.
James and his parents approached us and asked if Max could be an exception, as he is a service dog and not just a pet. They assured us that Max would be on his best behavior and that he would not cause any problems.
As much as I understand the importance of Max to James, I had to say no. My wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, and I do not want to risk having a severe allergic reaction during the ceremony or reception.
I explained this to James and his parents, and I offered to help find alternative accommodations for Max during the wedding.
However, my decision has caused a lot of controversy in the family. Some of my relatives believe that I am being selfish and inconsiderate, while others understand my point of view and support my decision.
James is understandably upset, and I feel terrible about the situation.
So, AITJ for not allowing my nephew to bring his service dog to my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jesus Christ, some of your relatives are mad about you preserving your own health?
At your wedding, on top of that? What’s their idea, that James comes to a bride-less marriage? That your honeymoon ends up between a privacy room curtain and a beeping ECG?
I get the feeling that it kind of stinks for your nephew to be required to leave his service dog (as far as I am concerned, his need for his dog is as valid as your motives to prevent an ER trip) or that he wouldn’t be able to attend.
But between his presence at a non-about-him wedding and your presence at a totally about-you wedding, his absence will be the least damaging option to consider, no matter how you feel about the idea. It’s about health; it’s about a you-and-your-husband day; the reasoning is pretty straightforward considering solely these two reasons.” Svelva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normally I’d say service dogs should be permitted, but you are SEVERELY ALLERGIC. While I feel for your nephew having anxiety, going without the dog won’t harm his physical health. He also has the option of not going in order to preserve his mental health if he can’t go without the dog for a day.
You having a reaction to a guest’s dog will not only endanger your physical health but ruin the day for everyone. Will it not make your nephew anxious if people blame his dog (and him by extension) for hospitalizing the bride and ruining the wedding that cost them time to attend?” Medysus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Allergies are a legitimate medical concern. They also make you miserable. You should not have to concede your legitimate medical concern, i.e. your dog allergy, to his mental health concern. It’s your wedding, but even if it wasn’t, I think that you still win out here.
You shouldn’t have to be stuck next to a dog on a plane even if it’s a service dog. People who have allergies to animals should not have to******* up for people who have other issues and require a dog.
The fact that it’s your wedding clinches the deal for me. You don’t have to put up with anything at your wedding that would distract from your special day. Even if this was a legal question, the accommodation only has to be reasonable.
Causing an allergic reaction to another person is not reasonable. Every way I look at it, you are NTA. It is an extremely unfortunate conflict, but in the end, I think you are completely justified in telling him to stay home.” Apprehensive_Sky1832
In your position, I would explain ONE MORE TIME that Max's presence at your wedding will quite probably send you into anaphylactic shock, and that isn't something you can risk on your wedding day. Max is not to come to your wedding, and if they show up with him, they will be made to leave. And the subject is closed. And then drop it.
10. AITJ For Being Hands-On With My Sister's Wedding?
“My (30f) sister (32f) is getting married soon. She and her fiancé (34f) are very non-traditional go-with-the-flow people. We have a brother with two kids (5m and 6f). 5m was asked to be the ring bearer. He is in the spectrum and we know that he has tactile issues with some fabrics and the traditional wedding wear would be an issue.
Since he loves the soft fabric of his unicorn pajamas, I suggested we find a similar onesie/footy PJ that’s a bear. My sister and fiancé loved this. 6f is not a girly girl and is the only flower girl.
She was jealous so my sister found her a similar flower onsie/footy PJs to wear. Sister and fiancé got to talking.
There are quite a few little kids coming to the wedding and they know that getting little kids all dressed up can be expensive and a hassle.
They care more that everyone is comfortable and having a good time. So their dress code officially changed for all kids – PJs. Adults were already casual-formal. Personally, I think this is genius. If your kid falls asleep on the way home, you can throw them into bed as is.
And if they get cake frosting on themselves, it’s just pajamas, not an expensive dress. Our parents lost their minds when they heard this. My sister and fiancé have been paying for the wedding so the opinion of our parents has really just been an opinion.
Their wedding gift to my sister was paying for the photographer.
After hearing about the kids’ dress code, my parents said that either the kids dress up or they are not paying for the photographer. They don’t want to pay for photos that are not being taken seriously.
My sister and her fiancé were not yet responding to my parents. They know that it was their wedding and their choice but they did want to try to keep the peace with my parents. They had suggested compromises and my parents were not having it.
I happen to know a photographer that is amazing and open that weekend. I put down a deposit to reserve them and sent my mother and sister a text. I let them know that I would be more than willing to cover these expenses.
My sister could have the wedding they wanted and parents wouldn’t have to pay for a service they were not happy with. I would even pay them back for their photographer’s fee deposit. My sister and her fiancé checked out the photographer’s portfolio and found that their style clicked a lot more.
Additionally, they openly supported LGBT rights, whereas my mother’s choice was clearly uneasy with it. Well, now my sister, guests, and fiancé are happy which in my opinion is the most important. Well, all guests except my parents and a few relatives.
I’ve been bombarded with texts and calls about minding my own business and staying out of it. Truth is normally I do stay out of it. But this is my best friend and big sister’s wedding day. I want her to have the best day possible.
But I am also wondering if I should have stepped back. Little more. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although you might have jumped the gun a little by putting down a deposit before your sister had a chance to check out the portfolio.
Minor detail, and it sounds like your sis is happy with the photographer so no harm done. Your parents are only mad and telling you that you should have stayed out of it because your parents were trying to use what they claimed was a wedding gift to make your sister have the wedding they want.
It’s not really a ‘gift’ if you have to do what they want to get it. They played a stupid game and got a stupid prize. (Seriously, in the absolute worst case your sister could have said ‘Fine, no photographer.
We will just encourage guests to take lots of photos.’) And what’s up with your parents wanting to strong-arm their own autistic grandson into wearing formal clothes? The PJ idea is an adorable resolution to help the little guy!
I think the wedding is going to have a lot of kids that are going to be more comfortable.” CemeteryDweller7719
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister and her fiancée’s plans for the children’s dress code are clever, thoughtful (especially for the two niblings), and fun for everyone.
That your parents don’t like this is their prerogative, but it’s a poor show for them to make their funding of the photographer conditional on your sister and fiancée capitulating to their tastes on dress code. It’s not their wedding!
And of course, they gave an ultimatum, assuming they’d get their way, and are angry they didn’t!
I think you did a really nice, thoughtful, and generous thing, not only to remove any sense of stress from your sister but to also show both your sister and your parents the importance of supporting family and understanding that their wedding is about them.
I’d understand if your sister and fiancée had suggested something many would find inappropriate, but kids in PJs and onesies are cute!
Your parents and anyone siding with them then need to get over themselves.” YouSayWotNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are a few things to really touch on. First, your parents picked a photographer who is uncomfortable with LGBT weddings for an LGBT wedding. That could easily ruin the wedding pictures. Unlike all the kids wearing PJs which could be really cute plus like you said is super functional. Second, your parents would rather your nephew be so uncomfortable he might have a meltdown when he is part of the ceremony than have kids not ‘dressed up’.
Lastly, your parents claimed to be uncomfortable spending on photos that aren’t being taken seriously, so your paying should have been a solution. Obviously not, so the problem is your parents wanted to manipulate your sister into making all the kids less comfortable, especially your nephew, all so the wedding could be ruined by a homophobic photographer that they picked. Makes me wonder if they are mad that the PJs are gonna ruin the wedding because kids aren’t dressed up or if they are mad that they can no longer ruin the wedding themselves.
Love to see you want your sister to have a wonderful wedding!” Ennah_Schemer
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Leave Our Son In The Car?
“I came home from an appointment today and asked how things went while I was gone.
My husband said that our 3-year-old fell asleep in the car, and he ran into a coffee shop to grab a drink while our son slept in the car. When I asked him if he brought our toddler with him, he said no.
I told him that he could not leave our child unattended in a car. He said it was only for 90 seconds, and the door was locked.
I told him there was no negotiating in this situation, and if he cannot take our son with him, I would prefer for him to not take him on the drive and to leave our son with me.
I told him someone could steal the car with our toddler in the back, he could wake up scared, etc.
My husband has left the house angrily because he said I wouldn’t listen to his thoughts about why it’s okay.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband is being naive if he thinks it’s OK to leave a child in the car unattended, even for a short while. There are lots of accounts of cars being stolen from a garage forecourt while a parent pays for petrol, and kids being taken too.
It’s an avoidable issue, and while it’s an inconvenience for him, his child is worth so much more than a cup of coffee to him.
He may not like it, but you’re not wrong. Be good to find common ground though so he doesn’t feel he has to butt heads or stand down: maybe agreement that you both value your child equally—it’s possible he is just unaware of the potential for harm.” Hefty_Drawing3357
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’ve invented extremely unlikely situations to justify something you feel. You and your husband obviously have different levels of risk comfort with your child and you don’t get to unilaterally make those decisions. You are both parents and both get to contribute to making decisions about the safety of your child.
You are obviously uncomfortable with the decision he made so you guys need to find a compromise. His feelings are just as valid as yours. Assuming your husband was being responsible and the temperature was not an issue, he was ordering his drink ahead of time so he wouldn’t get delayed, and was in relative line of sight from start to finish, then he wasn’t being reckless.
The only caveat I’ll add is that depending on where you live, there may be laws surrounding this explicitly; some states allow for up to 10 minutes, so 90 seconds is a pretty small amount.” shadedmystic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, anything could have happened while he was getting his coffee.
He was endangering your toddler on purpose. So what if he locked the doors? Three-year-olds can unlock doors by seeing it done by adults. He’s lucky someone didn’t see him do that and report him for child endangerment or child neglect.
You could be dealing with CPS, or an injured or missing child right now. I’d be livid. I wouldn’t listen to his nonsense excuses either.” CharliAP
8. AITJ For Not Including Some Of My Siblings On My Tattoo?
“I (20m) got a tattoo a year ago that represents those in my family who mean the most to me.
The main focus is my late mom and stillborn sister who died when I was 6. It also has my dad, my maternal grandpa, and my paternal grandma. They are the people who mean everything to me and I love them so much and wanted to have represented in this.
I didn’t flaunt the tattoo or anything. It’s not something I got to show off to the world.
But a few weeks ago I was at my grandma’s house and my dad and stepfamily were there along with my aunts and uncles.
My 8-year-old half-sister was tugging on me a lot and tearing at my shirt and actually did tear it when she got it caught in a toy she was playing with and everyone there saw my tattoo.
My half-siblings who saw it are 8, 11, and 12, and they were very upset.
My stepmom also saw it, and she was upset to see none of my half siblings or my stepsister (her daughter from a previous relationship) on it. Dad was really touched when he saw it. Didn’t seem to sense that the others were upset about it.
After I got a new shirt (grandma had clothes there that fit me), I was confronted by my stepmom, who asked what that was about and how I thought it wouldn’t hurt when they inevitably saw it. I said it was a tattoo on my body and I should be entitled to get what I wanted on it, not to mention the fact I was not flaunting it.
She told me that after being my stepmom for 14 years, she thought she would have earned a place on it and would have been given space as my second mom. But for me to add a sibling who was stillborn and who died when I was so young while leaving off the siblings I get to watch grow up is cruel and shows that my mom and sister’s deaths left me deeply damaged.
My dad remarried when I was 8 and my stepsister was 3. She lived mostly with my stepmom when she married my dad, but when she was 5, she went to primarily live with her dad, who moved out of state and brought it to court to take her with him.
I never saw my stepmom as a second mom. She’s more like my dad’s wife than my mom or maternal figure. I know she wanted to be a lot more to me than that, but I never felt that way about her.
I am close to my half-siblings and love them, but it’s not very close. It’s hard to describe, but they weren’t who I wanted on my tattoo.
So with all of that, my stepmother wanted me to apologize to my half-siblings.
She wanted me to make up for hurting their feelings. My dad, when he heard about it, said it shouldn’t require an apology. She asked him what they were going to say to their kids since they clearly saw living people represented on the tattoo—living family members—and they were not included, which shows them they don’t matter to me.
Dad told her I was a good big brother to them, and that matters more. Some of my aunts and uncles thought apologizing would be a good idea too because my half-siblings now have to face the reality that I see them as less than a sister I never knew.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and thank God your dad has your back on this; that seems rare. Your body, your choice.
Your stepmother has the right to feel hurt. Being a stepparent can be hard, and I’m sure there are a lot of complicated feelings involved when you try to love a child for years and it is seemingly unreciprocated. But she does NOT have the right to make her hurt feelings your problem.
She also does not have the right to demand that you make permanent changes to your body and/or apologize for your tattoo, which you keep discreet.
You don’t have to apologize to your siblings. Just reassure them that you love them and will always be their big brother (if you mean it).” When_Pandas_Fly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is a super hard situation, and I’m sorry you are dealing with it. Ultimately it’s your body so you get to choose. Your step mum is out of line, she does not get to dictate who is that close to your heart, and it’s very bold of her to want to be memorialized on your body as a mum.
The other kids are young, but you are not a bad brother for not adding them.
It is your parents’ responsibility to help them with their feelings. It’s clear this tattoo is about who you loved when you were a young child, they were just not in that part of your life.
Also, I wouldn’t apologize because it will make out like you regret it and they may then ask to be added to it.” firegirlaus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s your body; it’s your choice.
I would have understood if she was hurt to not be there if she considered you her own child and had always tried to make everyone feel part of the family.
But then you don’t go around and talk that way to your stepson and try to force him to do anything.
You behave like a grownup, which would mean being sad about it, having a little cry, and maybe venting to your husband.
And that’s it. You don’t mention it to the kids. They’re not here to deal with your emotional baggage.
And if the children were to ask anything (which I don’t think they would), she could just tell them that big brother wanted to give her a tattoo of the family he grew up with.
But he still loves you, and you’re his little siblings, whom he is protecting and whatnot.
They don’t need to be involved.” Pettypris
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Play Escape Rooms With My Significant Other Anymore?
“My friends and I (25 m) often go to escape rooms in our city for fun.
Like, every two or three weeks or so. At first, it was just us, then one guy asked if he could invite his SO. We said sure, and she seemed cool; everything was good.
I started going out with ‘Beth’ (24f) about 7 months ago, and she showed some interest in going to the escape rooms with us.
So I checked with the other guys and invited her along.
And this is where the problem started. All of us (4 guys, counting me, plus my friend’s SO) are pretty evenly matched when it comes to figuring out the puzzles.
We all find it fun to put our heads together and figure it out. But my SO is considerably better at it than the rest of us. Which is great and all, but she started doing all of the puzzles basically by herself.
She was having a good time, but the rest of us weren’t. We were basically standing there watching her do puzzles while trying to get a solution edgewise. This happened twice, and then my friends said they didn’t really want her there anymore.
I asked to talk to her first, and then I told her what they said and asked if she could just sit back and give all of us a chance to solve some of the puzzles too. Then we invited her along again.
And it was the same thing. We got to solve the first couple of puzzles together, and then she just stepped in and did the rest herself. My friends were pretty unhappy, and I honestly didn’t have a very good time either.
She was the only one having any fun.
She’s still invited to everything else we do, but I told her that we weren’t having fun with her doing all of the puzzles like that. She’s mad at me, and I honestly don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to hurt her, but I also don’t want to forego something that’s important to me for a new relationship.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You don’t sound compatible for this activity when there is a really big skill difference; either she does it and others don’t have fun, or she stands there knowing the solution while others fail at something she figured out ages ago.
If your local rooms offer different levels of difficulty, maybe you could all have lunch and then she could do a hard room while you guys do an easier room.” AntipodeanAnise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, anytime you’re doing a social activity for fun, and some are better than others, if you know that relaxing a bit so others can participate makes it more fun for everyone, then you should do that.
She obviously doesn’t care enough about the enjoyment of everyone else, at least not enough to make a decent conscious effort.
This is honestly kind of a red flag. Not the biggest one ever, but it could be a trait that can lead to bigger problems later.” boomosaur
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, she can’t help that she’s just better at it than everyone else, and it would probably be as boring for her to sit and watch everyone solve a puzzle she already figured out as it is for you guys to watch her solve them all by herself.
No one here is guilty of jerk behavior. Likewise, you don’t need to do everything together.
Have you considered making it competitive in such a way that her advantage is an asset? Maybe doing two groups and splitting the teams up randomly so that there’s some variety?
I don’t know, that’s just the first idea I came up with.” Rfg711
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Escape Rooms cost funds to play. It isn’t fair for the rest of the group to pay for an experience that only one person gets to enjoy.
She should talk to the staff and ask if there are any more experienced groups in your area that she might be able to join. If she is solving the rooms your group is choosing that quickly, she should consider playing different (more difficult) rooms.
Ask her to play the most difficult room with a group of advanced players. She will either have a better time with players who can keep pace with her or she will see what it’s like to be constantly outpaced by someone more skilled. Maybe both.” JasmineAndCloves
6. AITJ For Choosing My Phone?
“My (17F) mom kept confiscating my phone whenever she saw me on it, despite me studying from it. I have a very important exam in a month, and it basically decides my uni. A few hours ago, she took my phone again, and while I was mad, I didn’t say anything.
I went and lay in my room after a while because I was getting overwhelmed by the bright lights and sounds and was feeling nauseous. My mom asked me to have dinner, and I told her I wasn’t hungry. She thought it was a way of me rebelling against her for taking the phone, and she tauntingly gave me my phone back and asked me to come for dinner now.
I explained to her that I was genuinely not hungry and that I wasn’t rebelling against her or anything.
She got mad and started ranting about me in front of my dad (who has a very short temper), and my dad demanded that I shouldn’t eat dinner from now on and that my phone should be ‘broken into pieces’.
This ended up being a huge argument between my parents and escalated very quickly as my dad started blaming my mom for raising me horribly to be a brat and stuff. My mom asked me if I was happy for making them have a fight, and I quietly went into my room without saying a word.
She comes to me a few minutes later and asks me to choose between her and the phone. If I chose her, it would mean that I wouldn’t receive my phone permanently, and she would do a factory reset. I was quiet for a while before asking her if I could take a backup of my phone before giving it to her, and she said no and that I wouldn’t get any electronic devices from now on.
I got mad and chose the phone instead, and now she practically disowns me. She told me that I was dead to her and that she wouldn’t cook any food or have anything to do with me from now on.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother seems your more reasonable parent so choose the right calm, receptive attitude moment to talk to her. Explain that your phone is crucial for your studies but she is crucial for your heart – that will melt her.
Tell her you love her and miss her cooking and are sorry to cause conflict between your parents. Then as she talks, introduce the idea of maybe it would be best if you went to a university a bit further so you wouldn’t be underfoot, aggravating your dad.
Use this to pull her on your side and go ahead and apply for further universities. You have to be foxlike to outwit a bear.” Viva_Veracity1906
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It must be nice for your mom to not have problems until she imagines them.
If your retelling is accurate, you could have been a pot plant in this situation, and she would have found something wrong.
I hate to say it, but the loans to live on your own would be worth it to get far away from them.
Save every dollar you can, and good luck. Make sure your bank accounts and cash are not where they can access them. Get a lock box for your phone while you’re asleep and chain it to the bed. They’ll have to at least put in more effort.
If they let you keep a more cluttered room, I’d let it get messy with unimportant things (especially under the bed) so if she starts a rampage it’ll take time for her to find your valuables/phone.” throwaway1000164
5. AITJ For Telling My Partner That I Don't Like His Pranks?
“I (32F) and my partner (31M) have been together for a little over two years. We don’t live together but I stay over at his most weekends. For a few months now it’s slowly become a regular thing where he will try to jump-scare me.
It started off just being whilst we were watching a scary film he’d jump during a tense scene to in turn make me jump. Then it transitioned to him hiding behind the bed when I’d come back from the bathroom to jump out on me.
For context, I’m easily scared and jump very easily. I have no idea why this even started as we were together for almost a half/2 years before this even became a thing.
I’d sometimes try to ‘get my own back’ and also hide when he’d come out of the bathroom to scare him.
These kinds of pranks I’d been mostly okay with. I mean, I’d rather they weren’t a thing, but I just took it as him being playful, so I was trying to do the same back.
I can’t even remember at what point they took this turn, but he started randomly jumping up in bed when I was trying to get to sleep.
He’ll jump up and pretend he heard or saw something. Or pretend something was dragging him out of bed. Again, to begin with, I laughed it off, as he’d just do it once or twice and then stop, and I’d be able to fall asleep.
Then he started doing it more and more each evening. He started just jumping randomly for about an hour or so right after we’d go to bed in an attempt to make me jump and scare me.
Well, the scaring worked, and I’d end up feeling so on edge and anxious that I couldn’t fall asleep for an hour or two after he stopped. It got to the point where I’d say to him when he kept doing this that I don’t like it; it makes me uncomfortable or uneasy, and I’d ask him to please stop.
He’d just laugh off my requests as if I were just joking, but he did put a stop to doing this, or so I thought.
He’d stopped for a good few weeks, but as of last night, he started doing this again when I was trying to fall asleep.
I kept asking him to please stop and saying I don’t like when he does this, but he continued. I ended up snapping and telling him that I was being serious and to stop. I felt so uneasy again; I was shaking and my heart was racing.
He just laughed and rolled over, but he did stop. I ended up crying quietly in bed next to him because I thought this had stopped, and his doing this again for the first time after a few weeks resulted in me feeling more on edge than ever.
Plus, I was clearly upset when I asked him for the final time to stop, yet all he did was laugh and rollover.
I’m now back in my own home whilst typing this, and I’m considering messaging him to ask if we can seriously talk about this, so really my question is, AITJ for reacting in this way to my partner’s playfulness/jump scare pranks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These ‘pranks’ have now gotten so bad that you’re on edge and have literally cried yourself to sleep when you’re at his place. Not only that, you’ve begged him to please stop and that you hate that he does it all the time.
A significant other that cares about and respects you would STOP doing what you say you don’t like, especially taking in the fact that he only started doing this after 2.5 years of relationship.
Honestly, I’d be questioning if his other attributes in the relationship are worth being so nervous every time you go to his house and knowing he doesn’t respect you enough to stop when you ask.
Good luck, OP; just know you deserve better and you don’t have to put up with his crap. (I’m incredibly glad to read that you two don’t live together and you have your own home.)” SokovianAce77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and he’s an abusive jerk you should never spend time with again.
Just don’t ever put yourself in that situation again.
You know why he waited so long to start terrorizing you? So you’d be invested and think you had to put up with it. Do you know why he stopped and then started again?
Because he loves torturing you into a mess who can’t sleep but wants you to stick around for him to keep doing it.
He’s cruel. Thankfully, it appears you don’t live together. Don’t let him ruin your peace or your sleep.
This is a very good reason to break up. Also, if you don’t leave, he’ll escalate. Because he’ll know he can.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is something that he is doing that is bothering you. It’s time to be more firm about how you expect to be treated. It’s not great behavior, and while I don’t think that it is automatic breakup time, it’s not a good trend.
When someone repeatedly does something that you don’t like, even after you have asked them to stop, and it’s a reasonable ask, then there are consequences.
It sounds like he isn’t really paying attention to what you are saying.
That might be a sign that he doesn’t understand how much it bothers you. It’s possible that he does and doesn’t think it matters much. I’m hoping for the first option because that is possible to correct.
The latter really isn’t.
Don’t text him about it. Just respond at the moment when he does it next. Tell him to stop doing that, firmly. State that you don’t enjoy it and that you won’t spend time with him when he does things like that.
If he responds with laughter, you have some options. If he responds with an apology or contrition, great.
If you want to demonstrate that it isn’t cool and you won’t put up with it, take some harmless action that demonstrates your point.
Get a glass of cold water (preferably ice water) and pour it on his groin. It won’t be comfortable, but it also won’t do any permanent damage. He will definitely pay attention when it happens. But to be honest, the cold water treatment shouldn’t be necessary.
You can walk away from him for a while or leave his place and go home.” Endomagazine
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Come To My Wedding?
“I (f27) have been with my partner (m27) for 3 years but have known each other since childhood.
I’ve never believed in the idea of marriage, so my wedding is more sort of a spiritual ceremony to combine two souls. So it’s a very untraditional wedding that is just for me and my partner, so I don’t care if someone is upset about not being invited. I only want people who truly love me and my partner to be there for something that is a huge step for me.
I have not lived with my mom since I was 16. We never had a good relationship, and she was not a very good mother to me. My partner’s mother was more involved in my life than my own. She didn’t even come to my high school graduation or call.
From 18 to 21, I had barely any contact with my mom. We didn’t live in the same state, and there was no reason to see each other. I didn’t reconnect with my dad until I was 23, and our relationship in this short time is better than mine with my mom.
I’ve tried to fix my relationship with my mom in recent years, but she has shown no interest in me and continues to criticize me.
So naturally, I didn’t invite her to my wedding, which is in 2 weeks.
My partner respects my decision, as he’s seen firsthand what our relationship is like. My stepdad called me, saying my mom was really upset to find out I was getting married and they weren’t invited. I told him that I’m not changing my decision, and if they show up, they will not be allowed in.
My brother, who is a momma’s boy, told me I was being a jerk and immature.
My father thinks I will regret it later if my mom isn’t at my wedding because I am just ‘mad’ right now.
My sister has no opinion on the matter but says if my mom shows up, I should allow her in so she doesn’t cause a scene and ruin my day. I told her to tell my mom that she would be escorted out if she came.
So am I the jerk, or is my reasoning justified?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She can’t show any interest in you, not show up for important things for your sake, not reach out, treat you badly when you do try to speak to her, and then be upset when she isn’t invited to your wedding.
She made her bed; now she’s going to have to lay in it. She can’t just play good mom at your wedding after her past.
In the end, your wedding is your event. My mother didn’t invite her mom to her wedding.
Simply because she wanted a real small get-together, not because of any drama, etc! It’s your decision.
Your brother sounds like a golden child who was treated better than you and never cared about your mother’s treatment of you.
Your dad seems to not understand that you’ve been let down by your mom for years.
This isn’t just ‘I’m mad right now!’ It’s been going on for years.” Coy_Koi9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Guests at a wedding are there to bear witness and be a supporting factor in the relationship. If your mother was an abrasive factor in your life, it doesn’t meet the qualifications.
It is an honor to be invited to a wedding as you are one of the chosen few that are considered important in the couple’s life. Birthright does not instantly qualify a person.
Good luck and have a wonderful celebration.” HowEyeSeeTheWorld
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘I’ve tried to fix my relationship with my mom in recent years, and she has had no interest in me and continues to criticize me.’
I wouldn’t want this person at my wedding either, and the decision doesn’t sound like immaturity.
(Your brother calling you a jerk for that just sounds like run-of-the-mill misogyny for not being a doormat.)
Weddings aren’t a place to heal family relationships; your mother is dealing with the consequences of her choices in how she treated you.
You already tried to reach out, but she wasn’t interested. If you are open to a relationship, it’s not too late for her to change and be a better person to you after the wedding.
And if she shows up uninvited, that’s just her being entitled and not treating you with respect.
The relationship you have with your children when they are adults is essentially a performance review of your parenting; no parent is owed a relationship with their adult child.
Good luck at the wedding, and congrats, OP!” Kettlewise
3. AITJ For Responding Passive-Aggressively To My Aunt?
“So my aunt helped raise me a lot; my parents were both addicts, mom to pills and dad to work.
My aunt even cosigned my college loans when we discovered my mom had stolen my college fund.
Recently, though, I’ve been noticing (thanks to therapy) that she lacks respect for all my boundaries. She will do things like text me, ‘We are going shoe shopping tomorrow; be ready at noon,’ or ‘We are going to an auction tonight, so be here by 6,’ things that I can’t always attend.
Recently, she made one of these statements, and I just told her, ‘If you rephrase that as a question, sure.’
She lost it and called me an ingrate, a brat, and a few other synonyms; you get the point.
She then loudly exclaimed, ‘Nevermind, I guess!’ and stormed out of the room.
I’m 28, not a child, and I just want my family to respect that I have my own life and sometimes can’t drop everything for them. These are the same people who expect me to call in sick to work for every major holiday, despite us not even celebrating them.
AITJ for handling this so bluntly instead of more softly?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the way you handled it. You had this realization from therapy and you should have talked to your aunt about it, not made a childish remark like you did.
It’s OK to have boundaries, but you need to have adult conversations about them. You should also realize that even if she phrases it as a command, you can still treat it as a question and say no. I don’t think her way if communicating is that uncommon, especially in a child/parent-like situation.” keesouth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this wasn’t the most constructive way to deal with it.
You’re a fully mature and capable adult. With that in mind, you need to discuss this face-to-face, not when a demand has been issued to you by text and your b***d is running.
She needs to hear that although you’re very grateful for everything she did for you, you aren’t a child anymore, you aren’t able to be available at short notice, and you have other demands on your time that can’t always be shifted.
There is no guarantee she will take it well. It sounds like she perceives you owe her a debt for what she did (‘ingrate’). Be clear to her: you were a child who didn’t ask for her help (though you’ll always be grateful for it), and what she gave you was a gift, not a loan with interest.
If that’s the case, despite the history, you may need to let her know you’ll be pulling back from your relationship with her until she is able to respect your position.
You are not her property, and you are not her servant.
She needs to see that too.” MedicinalPorpoises
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for how you phrased it, not for setting boundaries. You’re annoyed at your aunt’s approach to communication but yours isn’t great either. You can simply say ‘I can’t make it, have fun’.
No need to force her into phrasing it a certain way. Especially implying that the answer would be yes if she would rephrase it. Either you can/want to go, or you don’t.” Helpful_Hour1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are an adult, and you deserve to be treated as one.
Your aunt has helped you in the past, but that does not entitle her to issue demands, directives, or orders to you. Your response was entirely appropriate.
In a few days, you might want to talk to her and tell her, maybe in these exact words, that you are grateful for all she has done for you and that you enjoy spending time with her, but when she talks to you that way, it sends the message that you have no choice but to do whatever she tells you to do.
You would prefer if she would make a suggestion, realizing that you might or might not want to do what she is proposing.” AntelopeOld8683
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for how you handled it, but not for your desire for her to respect your independence.
She has gone above and beyond for you-way, way, way above and beyond. That doesn’t give her the right to run your life or schedule, but it should earn her some respect and courtesy in how you talk to her.
Were you, for some reason, incapable of politely explaining that sometimes you have other plans and, whilst you enjoy spending time with her, you can’t always do so every time she wants? You couldn’t have told her that you would be grateful if she could ask rather than assume and be understanding of your independence while still being courteous and respectful.
2. AITJ For Excluding My Brother's Fiancée From Movie Night?
“I (24M) have 2 younger siblings, T (23M) and F (22M). My youngest brother recently got engaged to his now-fiancée (22F).
For some context, my two younger siblings picked on me relentlessly growing up; I was constantly bullied and picked on day in and day out growing up, so I’ve always felt isolated from my brothers because they got along so well, whereas none of them seemed to ever like me and bullied me any chance they could.
Additionally, F’s fiancée is constantly spreading drama and gossip about other people’s businesses to anyone who will listen.
Anyway, onto the story: Last week I decided that I would make plans a little different than usual and go out with everyone to the movies.
The plans were to hang out at my place for a few hours before catching a movie, and I invited my two brothers and some friends to come along with me.
Yesterday, I and my dad were in the car going grocery shopping (I can’t drive due to medical reasons, so my dad will take me with him when he goes, and I help with gas).
When I brought up our plans with my dad, my dad called F for me to see if he was still available for our plans. F picked up, and I asked if he was still interested in going. We began discussing what movies we should see when I heard his fiancée say how ‘they’ were excited about going with us.
Now admittedly I could’ve been nicer about how I handled things, but I quite bluntly said ‘Fiancée, you weren’t invited.’
I heard some mumbling between my brother and his fiancée when I heard her say, ‘Well, wherever he goes, I go.’ At this point, I felt incredibly disrespected by F and his fiancée.
I set a clear boundary that was completely ignored, so I snapped back, ‘It’s not an option.’ My brother then dropped out of the plans and hung up. I then texted T to let him know that he was still invited, but he was in the room with F when we were on call, so he heard everything.
He said he didn’t want to go because F was going to pay for him and that he didn’t want to cram into an Uber.
My father then chipped in and said that I could’ve handled that better, how I could’ve been nicer, etc. I got home with my groceries when my mother called me.
When I answered the phone, my mother started screaming and yelling at me, asking me what was wrong with me and telling me how disappointed she was in me. I couldn’t get a word in to explain my side of things because she would just yell over me.
When the call ended, I just broke down crying. All I wanted was to spend quality time with F without his fiancée there. I’ve tried so hard my entire life to build a relationship between me and my siblings, but I was the only one ever putting in any effort.
I was made to feel wrong for standing up for myself, that I hurt F’s feelings, and that it was all my fault. What’s worse is that I caught F and T leaving the theater later that night after my friends and I went, his fiancée nowhere in sight.
I was crushed, to say the least, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not communicating it properly.
If you want to make it a guy’s night, then just say so!
‘Hey everyone, I’m thinking about doing a guy’s night at the movies.
Just me and some guy friends and my brothers. My treat.’
THERE. That’s not so hard.
If you miscommunicated it initially, then just say so. Nicely. Like, ‘Oh, sorry for the miscommunication. I was trying to plan a guys’ night out.
I still want to keep it to just the guys for now, especially since I’m paying for it. Maybe we can hang out together next time?’
If your goal is to have a better relationship with your brothers, it helps to be diplomatic about how you address things.
You need to communicate your intentions upfront, rather than expect everyone to read your mind simply based on what you may have said or not said in the past. And also, you should communicate to correct any misunderstandings, rather than letting your parents act as middlemen.” Citizen_Me0w
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
However, you’re being a jerk to yourself. I feel like it’s hammered into our heads that if we lose family, we don’t have anyone else. However, that’s a bald-faced lie. Family is the group of people who stick by you without bullying or verbally abusing you.
It seems like only your dad fits those criteria. It’s hard, and it hurts, but trying to still maintain a relationship with your brothers and your mother is just harming you.
Do you feel good when you’re with your brothers?
Do you feel like they’d support you? Because if they aren’t, then they’re really not worth the time or effort. Your mother is clearly enabling them, so she isn’t very supportive. B***d doesn’t mean anything. It’s really just convenient for b***d donations.
You’re better off for not putting yourself in such crappy situations by just walking away.
Also, your brother’s fiancee seems like a walking red flag. But not your circus.” bebacterial
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Boundaries are where we set limits on our OWN behavior, where we do and do not choose to put our limited time, energy, and resources.
You are frustrated because the other people involved violated the rules you set for THEIR behavior while you never communicated that to them.
You imposed a rule that you wanted only guys on this trip. You seem to also have the rule that only you can extend invitations to join movie night.
Did you offer to buy everyone’s tickets when you invited them? Was there any reason for any of them to think adding another friend was something you’d need to approve? Did you tell them this is your event, or was it more of a casual ‘Let’s all get together and do this?’
Your brother assumed his fiancée is welcome whereas he is welcome in casual social outings. Since this is their usual behavior, you should have been clear in communicating you wanted an unusual restriction.” curious382
Anywhich way though, it sounds like you have a lot of resentment built up and could benefit from some therapy to help you handle that and so on. You might need to examine things to see if you want to, or should, have a relationship with them all because there seems to be some toxicity.
Also, your mother's behavior was off the wall unacceptable!! And could explain some of the problems that are there between you and your brothers and the bullying!!
1. AITJ For Not Giving My Late Brother's Wife A Portion From His Inheritance?
“I (40M) lost my brother (42M) ‘Jay’ in a car accident a few months ago. Growing up, he was the golden child. He got a full ride to a prestigious college while I had to pay my own way and eventually drop out.
He went on to grad school, but I got married and settled down with my wife (42F) ‘Brittany’ early on.
We have had financial struggles which caused us to not be able to start a family. We live paycheck to paycheck in a one-bedroom apartment.
Jay always had great jobs but wasn’t lucky in love. He was very picky and while he had some longer 1-2 year relationships, he was looking for perfection before getting married. He finally married his wife (40F) Mary in 2019.
She also made a good salary, like Jay. She also had 2 children from a previous relationship, now 18 and 19. One is in college and the other will be starting next year. She and Jay also had twin girls about a year ago.
Mary and Jay both worked and have a nanny they share with a neighbor for their girls. When they got pregnant, she sold her house where they were living and he sold his condo that he had been renting out and they bought a larger family home together.
All this to say money is not a problem for them.
Like I said, Jay passed away recently in a car accident, and Mary found out that I was the beneficiary of his 401(k) and life insurance policies through his employer.
The life insurance is 150k, but the 401k is much more substantial. He set it up that way years ago, before Mary was in the picture, and never changed it.
Mary begged me to give her a portion of it, but I said no. She inherited his part of their house and their joint savings account, which is about $50,000.
She said that she paid for his funeral, and to make it work on her income alone, she will have to sell the house, give up the nanny, put the girls in daycare, and won’t be able to help her older kids with college the way they planned.
I told her it wasn’t my fault. If he wanted to change the beneficiary, he should have done that. But he didn’t, so it’s mine. My wife and I plan to use it to buy a home and finally start a family.
She says her husband’s funds should go to his children, but she doesn’t see that using the inheritance to have my own children is more important.
Our parents think I’m a jerk because the funds should go to his kids.
I offered to take $50,000 and put it in trust for the girls’ education. But they said Mary needs the help now. They said the life insurance would pay off their mortgage and the boys’ college and put some away for the girls’ future, and her income would cover the rest so they wouldn’t have to move.
But what about my family?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You know well that if your brother had realized that you were still listed as the beneficiary, he would have changed it.
Your make-believe unborn children are NOT more important than the children who just tragically lost their dad, one of the worst traumas that can happen to children.
You describe your brother with vindictiveness as the golden child, as though he did not earn his full ride to college while you couldn’t make it.” Pepper-90210
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
He has small twin children who will grow up fatherless.
Raising two small twins as a single mother won’t be easy, and you are depriving those children.
She is getting 50k. While you claim to be getting 150k plus a substantial chunk more. So what, like 500k total?
You know YTJ.
You cannot expect it to be easy for a single mom of four kids to raise them with what you are claiming she has.
You know your brother would not have wanted this after having those two small children.
At a minimum, share A LOT of it!” SimonaMeow
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your brother almost certainly meant to change his beneficiary information but never got around to it because, you know, life happens. At the end of the day, your brother’s commitment was doubtlessly to his family before yours; after all, he was paying their bills, not yours.
What you’ve done is fairly vile, and you’re now hoping that ‘well, he never changed the beneficiary information, so it’s ethically right for me to keep the funds’ is a sufficient argument to win everyone here over. It’s not. What you’ve done is despicable, and there is no outcome here where what you’ve chosen to do is ethically or morally acceptable.
The fact of the matter is, you’re looking to start a family off of somebody else’s funds because you and your own wife are too fiscally illiterate to be successful on your own. Pound sand, dude.” kalashbash-2302
