People Want To Get Reactions To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Being Unable To Fulfill My Daughter's Birthday Requests?
“My daughter is turning 15 in a few days. Money is a bit tight so I told her we can’t afford a birthday party this year instead we can buy a cake, a gift, and go out for dinner. She threw a tantrum over not getting a birthday party but finally got over it.
She told me she wants a peanut butter chocolate cake, and a tablet and wants to go to an Indian restaurant.
I told her she is being unreasonable, she knows her brother is allergic to peanut butter, I even offered to buy her a cupcake but she insisted on having a cake so I said fine, you are getting a chocolate cake then.
We had another argument over the gifts because I can’t really afford a tablet so I asked her to choose something else but she wouldn’t choose so I bought a new phone case for her then we had another argument.
She knows neither me nor any of her siblings eat Indian food so I told her we’ll go to her favorite fast food instead.
She threw another tantrum and called me a jerk and said ‘Fine have fun then I’m not coming’.
She then called her dad and left with him. I’ve been trying to talk to her but the only thing she says is that she is not coming with us and won’t talk to me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – It seems more like you’re making HER birthday about everyone else.
‘Your brother is allergic to peanut butter’. Okay so make her a peanut butter chocolate cake and him a regular chocolate cake. It doesn’t sound like you sat down and explained your budget and asked her if she would like something within your price range but rather argued instead.
‘We don’t eat Indian food’. Okay, so order her takeout from her favorite place and you get fast food. It doesn’t sound like you even remotely tried to accommodate. That’s why YTJ.” WiddlyScudsTV
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Okay, you can’t afford a party or a tablet, that just is, that does not make you a jerk.
But you have not indicated that your son is so allergic to peanuts that he can’t be in the same room as a peanut butter chocolate cake, especially because you said she could have a cupcake. It’s her birthday, get her the cake she wants and get him the cupcake.
As for this whole business about keeping a kid out of a cake being hard, you should be teaching that anyway but especially for a kid with an allergy.
And you haven’t even tried to accommodate her with Indian food.
No one else likes Indian food. Well, it’s her birthday. What can be done here? If her siblings won’t eat it, is there a family member who will watch her siblings while you take her to an Indian place? Surely you, as an adult, can******* up for one meal on your daughter’s birthday to make her happy, right?
Or, maybe you get her Indian takeout and pizza for everyone else and eat at home.
The message you are sending here is that everyone else comes before your daughter, so I’m not at all surprised she went to her dad if he makes her feel valued. You won’t even make her feel valued and special on her own birthday.” VictorianPlatypus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said she’s being selfish, but it’s her birthday. You asked her what she wanted and then proceeded to shut down everything she said. It’s not that you can’t afford the tablet or a grand party, YTJ because you’re making her birthday about what you and your son want.
Get your son the cupcake. Let her get the food she wants and order you and your son something else. She’s going to resent you if you don’t prioritize her wants now and then, too.” deviebabyxxx
20. AITJ For Putting My Dog's Health First?
“My partner graduated from his master’s program last week. His thesis approval is in May but his faculty had a party for his class. I wasn’t able to go because my dog, an 8-year-old Shepard mix, has had a lot of trouble breathing and the ultrasound showed a tumor.
The vet had done a biopsy to conclude it was cancer.
They told me I had to go to a specialist to look at treatment options. The booking for the specialist was supposed to be a month but then they called me to say they had a spot open for when the party was.
I didn’t ask my partner I just agreed because even a month could be a huge difference in terms of cancer and I thought he would understand. I texted him that there was a spot open for tomorrow and that I would come to the party after the appointment.
He didn’t reply.
The appointment and driving took nearly 2 hours so after I dropped off my dog at my mom’s and got back to the university the party was almost done. I found my partner but he waved me away and continued to talk to his colleagues.
I was a bit annoyed because it was rude but talked with some other people and he left without me when the party was over. I was annoyed he didn’t say anything and just left and called him and he complained to me over the phone I made him look bad by not showing up when he added me as a plus one and I ‘chose my dog over him’ when I could have just waited a month for the next appointment.
I told him I do value my dog’s health over his party since it’s optional and not life or death and he said it was selfish and I had promised to go. I think he’s being extremely childish but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s understandable that he might be upset, but he should also understand the situation. It’s not like you took the first available dog grooming appointment. You took the first possible oncologist appointment, because this may be a matter of life or death.
A reasonable response would’ve been, ‘I’m sorry you weren’t able to be there, but I hope everything went well at the doctor’s.’ Not ‘You made me look bad’, or ‘You chose your dog over me’. Those comments are both insane.
Your partner apparently lacks empathy and is pretty self-involved. Explain how you feel and see how he responds. To be honest, if he still acts like a child… You know what to do.” Captainb0bo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if he’s your partner then he should know the importance of your dog to you and should have been understanding + supportive in the face of a really stressful moment for you rather than making it about him.
However, at the end of the day, I just think this means you’re not compatible and may be a sign you need to reflect on whether your values align. I say this because while he was a crappy partner to you don’t get me wrong, I think his feelings and reaction were 100% valid for him and your actions and feelings were 100% valid for you.
Some people don’t value pets the same way, I’ve never had a dog and I can’t say I wouldn’t feel as your partner did because I honestly just don’t ‘get’ people’s deep love/prioritization of their pets over people. While I definitely respect it, can abstractly understand why a friend/stranger/someone in your shoes would choose the appointment over being there for your SO, and (would never disparage a friend for that choice either) I wouldn’t want my partner to choose that way.
!! BUT that also means I would also never choose a partner who was a die-hard pet lover because I would never want them to feel wrong for loving their beloved pet or to be forced to choose between us. I think your partner and you need to talk about what your priorities are/values and what your future looks like to you because it’s not fair for him to be unsupportive and make you feel wrong for loving your dog.” lovinbagels
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are in the wrong. When it comes to things like diseases that put you within a time limit, it’s better to do it as soon as possible. You also made the effort to still come to the party despite the time being late.
Other people would just give up and go to sleep after going to stressful appointments.
Others might argue that an animal’s life isn’t as important for you to forgo the other option but these animals need to be taken care of, especially since we also benefit from them emotionally and physically.
I think your partner was being inconsiderate because he felt betrayed or something since his significant other wasn’t there to support him. But the fact that he didn’t reply to your message to talk it out, was on him.
Anyway, I think you are not a jerk.” vive_777
No, waving his partner away rudely, ignoring them, and then leaving without his partner IN FRONT OF EVERYONE made him look bad. NTJ but he definitely is
19. AITJ For Telling My Youngest Child She Has To Give Up Her Room If She Refuses To Keep Her Cat In There?
“Whenever my MIL visits, my wife always insists that one of the kids give up their room for her. It’s usually my oldest (17) or youngest (14) for a couple of reasons but this time my wife decided that our middle daughter (16) will be giving up her room no matter what.
My youngest also has a cat that my middle daughter is scared of.
My wife recently told the kids that my MIL is coming to stay with us for 6 weeks and announced that it’s our middle daughter’s turn to give up her room.
My middle daughter complained but I talked to her about it and tried to come up with a compromise, and I tried to get my wife to agree that one of our older kids’ rooms would be better for a few reasons.
First, our middle daughter’s room is not near a bathroom, MIL gets up multiple times at night, and she just hurt her ankle. Second, middle daughter’s room is big enough that we could put an air mattress for one of the other kids.
Our oldest daughter’s room isn’t big enough for that and our youngest daughter has a cat that middle is afraid of so she can’t sleep in there. There’s also the issue that I strongly think our middle daughter might be autistic and any change in routine is hard for her.
Then I said that if our middle daughter sleeps on the couch, our youngest daughter has to keep the cat in her room at night. My youngest daughter refused because the cat will wake her up and want to play but I told her it’s fair for middle to not want the cat harassing her while she sleeps and that she either keeps the cat in her room or she gives MIL her room.
My wife and youngest are saying this is unfair and I’m just trying to get middle out of giving up her room but I truly think this is a fair compromise. Middle will give up her room as long as the cat is away from her at night.
I told middle if they keep the cat out at night, I will take her to sleep at my parent’s house every night until my MIL leaves but my wife is refusing that too because her mom is already upset that middle likes my parents better (my parents have lived a half mile from her since she was born, MIL lives across the country.) and that this will make her think middle is sleeping there to get away from her.
AITJ for saying either my youngest gives up her room, keeps the cat in her room, or my middle sleeps at my parents’ house while my MIL is here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This isn’t okay, and the ‘solutions’ are all going to negatively impact your kids.
If MIL is definitely staying for that long, I vote that you and your wife are on an air mattress in the living room the whole time and MIL uses your room. If your wife thinks it’s so important that her mom has a room, and you aren’t willing/able to have a say in that, the two adults in the household absolutely need to inconvenience themselves and leave the kids out of it.” Illustrious-Shirt569
Another User Comments:
“SIX WEEKS?
Everyone sucks here except for the daughter. What are you and your wife and your MIL thinking, to throw your kid out of her own room for six weeks? MIL can stay in a hotel and/or come for a much shorter visit and/or sleep on a folding bed. This plan is wholly awful.
Your MIL should be ashamed for even thinking to disrupt your home for six weeks. Not to mention the disruption to the cat. Not to mention you think your kid may be autistic but haven’t actually had her evaluated?! All you adults should be ashamed of yourselves for your parenting failures.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is your house too. Unless you both agreed no overnight visitors should come at all.
6 weeks is an unacceptable stay unless all agree to it. Including the kids as they’re older. This is their home too.
No kid should lose a room for 6 weeks, it’s cruel.
Frankly, your wife should be the one giving up her room. Why does she think it’s ok to do that to kids, but not herself?
Protect your kids!
If your wife is incapable of treating you and your kids with respect, take who you need to sleep at your parents’. I’d also be evaluating if this is common behavior of hers where it’s her way or no way.
Because that’s no way to live or raise kids. Your home should not be a dictatorship.” Rosalie-83
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here if you allow this. Your wife cannot decide unilaterally on a 6-week visit. That is beyond ridiculous.
It is also unreasonable for any member of the family to give up their room that long. You cannot ask a teenager to sleep on the couch for 6 weeks. Go over her head if you have to and talk to MIL directly before this happens.
Seek counseling; y’all need to communicate.
Also, if you suspect your daughter is autistic and haven’t gotten her assessed big issue. Even at an older age, she can benefit from therapy, and even if she’s not autistic it may be beneficial to talk to someone if routine changes disrupt her that much.
If your wife continues to insist on this, volunteer the main bedroom and see how she likes it. Yeah, it will suck, but why do the kids keep having to take turns, especially if you know one has a fear issue with a pet.
Her decision – she gives up her bed.” whichwitch9
18. AITJ For Ruining My Brother's Relationship After Pushing His Ex To Be More Involved With Our Family?
“I (28f) always had a great relationship with my brother (38m) and the rest of my family.
When my son (now 5) was born, they supported me through a lot, especially since my baby’s father abandoned us.
The problem started when he met his SO (30s) at university. At the start, I was truly happy for him, especially since he’d talked to me about wanting to ask her out ever since he heard of her from her classmates.
what I didn’t like is that she didn’t care much to keep in contact with us, even after being together for well over a year. She was always too busy to meet our family.
He told me she was an amazing cook, was kind, brilliant, etc. and he wanted to marry her and travel with her back to her country once she finished her Ph.D.
He’d always talk to us about how lucky he was to be with her (she’s a judge) and how her government was financing her. I’ll admit, knowing a childless woman wasn’t working and was paid more money than me, on top of having her rent and other things covered, stung a little, but it had nothing to do with my dislike of her.
I wanted her to be more involved in our family, but there was always an excuse as to why she couldn’t meet us for dinners, etc. She’d be studying, helping someone from abroad (which I don’t really believe, what could she be doing for anyone being miles away?), and on the rare occasions she was free, she was either traveling to see her family, hosting friends or wanted to be alone.
I didn’t buy that she didn’t have any time for us because she doesn’t work and was always at home, but she stopped accepting my visits and refused anything to do with my son as well, which slowly distanced my brother.
She wouldn’t even babysit when my parents were out of town and I needed her to watch him so I could work. Personally, I don’t think she’s as kind as my brother thought.
My parents were on my side, my brother wanted to be ‘neutral’, but asked us to not ‘stress her out even more’.
A few days ago, I and my parents went to her house to talk things out with them both. We were upset but tried our best to explain why her distance and refusal to help were unacceptable since she doesn’t work and has free time, I told her I wished she’d be more caring and she got increasingly angrier but said nothing.
Then she turned to my brother and asked him if he agreed, but he said he didn’t want to take sides. She said that this was ‘another example of why she felt so resistant to the idea of getting into a relationship’, and that ‘she couldn’t take it anymore and felt better being alone’ and then broke up with him.
I was shocked, none of us expected this and my brother immediately tried to backtrack, but she told all of us to leave her house immediately and to not come back.
Now I’m feeling guilty and my brother won’t speak to us because I ruined his relationship and she’s irreplaceable.
She isn’t bothering to listen to anyone in our family and I’m afraid there’s no way to fix this. AITJ or did she overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sound really jealous of her lifestyle and opportunities.
You chose to become a mother at a fairly young age.
It’s great that you have some family support, but being with your brother doesn’t mean someone’s signing on to babysit. Your kid is your responsibility. And studying for a graduate degree IS work, whether or not you respect it.
Your brother is right to cut you off.
His mistake here was not stepping in to protect his ex from your demands before she got sick of your entitled, condescending attitude. That woman deserves better, so hopefully, she’ll eventually find a partner who’ll have her back.
When you say, ‘She isn’t bothering to listen to anyone in our family,’ that makes it sound like y’all are still hassling this poor woman.
Leave her alone. You’ve already screwed things up; piling on at this point just makes it more clear that you have no sense of boundaries so she’s right to get away from you.” karavasa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
A sibling’s significant other is under no obligation to be close to the other’s family.
This woman gave you MANY hints (her unavailability) that she was not interested in a close relationship with the family.
You pushed and she pushed back and your brother is out in the cold.
Your brother, by ‘staying neutral,’ gave her the clear message that he wanted her to have a closer relationship with his family than she was comfortable with.
Hopefully, he can find someone who will be at your beck and call to babysit and do whatever else you deem necessary to be a contributing family member before marriage.
Good luck!” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you can ASK for help, but you can’t demand it just because she’s going out with your brother.
And the way you talk about her… you’re completely ignorant of her having her own life and not coming running, just because you assume she doesn’t have a job she MUST have the time to babysit your child?
One year is not anywhere near enough for your family to act this controlling over her.
Also, nowhere in your text did you say that you did anything for her, you only demanded things, acted selfishly, and wondered why she wouldn’t want to meet you all.
And then you went to her house because she didn’t act the way you wanted? Nah gurl, you totally invaded her privacy because you were jealous and wanted her to work more for her life. I’ll say this very bluntly but you destroyed your brother’s relationship out of pure delusion.
If I was you, I’d do everything to apologize to her and tell her, that your brother was in the difficult situation of having to decide between his family and her, thereby it was all your fault. It’s the least you can do.” Chalkboardchacky
17. WIBTJ For Wanting To Be In My Niece's Life?
“I (25m) have two older twin sisters (32f). We’ll call them Jenn and Liz.
Jenn had been with her ex since college up until last year.
They were engaged but broke up because her fiance was sleeping with Liz behind her back, they ended up falling in love and she got pregnant. Jenn’s ex-fiance dumped her and married Liz and they had a baby girl.
I want to say I don’t condone infidelity at all, I definitely think that he and Liz could have handled this better, but I also understand sometimes people fall in love under less-than-ideal circumstances, and I think Liz is a better fit with him anyway.
Jenn is still devastated and is not over him (again no judgment) and she never wants to see them again nor meet our niece. She has leaned on me a lot throughout this, and at first, I was mad at them for what they did but I want to put that all behind me and be a good uncle, this child is innocent and not responsible for what her parents did.
Our parents/niece’s grandparents feel the same way and want to be involved with their grandbaby.
Jenn is threatening to go no contact with the whole family over this. While I feel horrible for her I don’t like that I’m being forced to choose between my sister and niece, and it’s definitely unfair for our parents to be forced to choose between their daughter and granddaughter.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. How is a newborn niece you never met more important than your sister Jenn? I get that your niece is innocent, but Liz did something unforgivable, she made her choice and now she should deal with the consequences of them.
Having people surround her with the baby is the same as condoning her actions just because she got pregnant. Jenn is completely justified with going no contact with the whole family if they accept Liz even if it is just ‘for the baby’.
Liz is the one who chose to break the family with her actions. Has Liz even shown proper remorse and regret for her actions? Has she even tried to fix the long-term lasting damage she did to Jenn? And just an apology wouldn’t cut it either.
The baby isn’t gonna realize it lost an uncle, but your sister will realize you chose a baby you never met over her. Honestly, the fact you even said Liz was a better fit for Jenn’s fiance makes you a jerk.
I seriously hope you never said that in front of Jenn. I just feel bad for Jenn in all this mess.” TheBrokenFuture
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for Jenn and the child. Here’s the thing. By the family and you choosing the niece/granddaughter, by default, you’re choosing her unfaithful parents.
They will be at family events because everyone wants to see their daughter and they won’t just drop her off. Jenn has been hurt deeply by them, and now her family is abandoning her for an innocent child, but unfaithful parents.
In her position, I’d cut my family off too. She’s losing everything just because she fell in love with a jerk.” leggyblond1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I don’t buy the way you are framing the issue (i.e. ‘The child is innocent’).
Yes, she is innocent, but it is a total strawman argument.
In a just situation, you all should have sided with Jenn and gone no contact with Liz the moment you all found out about the betrayal, and that is the end of it.
She is not your sister, her daughter is not your niece, and the niece is not being hurt by you not seeing her, because you are not her uncle.
At this point, Liz’s daughter is no more your niece than a stranger.
You are not hurting Liz’s daughter. They made their choice and will have to live with the remaining family they have left on the husband’s side of the family.
It really is that simple. At this point, you are pretty much trying to gaslight Jenn into thinking she is making you hurt an innocent child, which makes this an extreme YTJ.
But thank god Jenn can see through your crap and is ready to go no contact with you, which is exactly what she should do if you maintain a relationship with Liz and this niece.” dschk
16. AITJ For Not Cleaning Up My Friend's Son?
“My friend (M30) was visiting me (F30) with his son let’s call him Jacob. We were hanging out and decided to play some Mario Kart in the living room, while his son was playing a game on his Ipad.
His son then wanted to use the bathroom.
He’s been here before and knows where to go. I don’t have children, but I feel like children, around 5 or 6, should be able to wipe themselves, however, my friend and his wife still clean him up and wipe him.
We have since stopped playing and were talking when we hear Jacob call out that he was done (meaning that he was waiting for someone to help him wipe).
My friend groaned and didn’t get up. He asked me if I could go clean up Jacob. I looked at him with a blank stare which annoyed him. He scoffed and got up to go see Jacob. After 10 minutes they both emerged from the bathroom.
My friend looks livid and says that he has poop on his shirt because of me. (I don’t even want to know HOW he ended up with poop on his shirt) and that I should have done it for him.
He hates doing it and feels like it’s his wife’s job. I told him well thankfully I’m not his wife and I’ll never clean up his son. He ended up cutting his visit short and left.
I don’t think I was the jerk but his wife texted me later berating me for not doing this because my friend was having a very rough time.
He lost his job and was depressed (I didn’t know that) and visited me to clear his head. I felt bad because maybe I should have noticed that his demand was out of the ordinary and done it, now that I know how he felt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not your kid, not your butt to wipe. I can’t even imagine how you could mess up cleaning a school-aged child so badly that you get poop on your clothing. Based on his wife’s response, however, it’s clear that this man has no experience caring for his kid’s basic hygiene.
That isn’t your problem, though. It’s not reasonable to expect your friends to take care of your kid and it’s way out of line that he’s mad about this.” joanclaytonesq
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not your responsibility. Period.
Some kids can still slightly struggle with poop wipes at that age and getting it all but I digress.
That is still not your job just cause you are a woman.
His wife is the other problem. She is enabling her husband and child. Also while it’s ok to empathize with him, his job loss and depression are not your responsibility nor an excuse to slack at being a parent when friends are around.” nackle09
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Kids are required to be fully potty trained by the time they go to school. At five, little Jacob should be able to handle the bathroom himself. Also, your friend is the one responsible for his son, not you, and his wife is also not the one who ‘should’ be doing things like this.
They both had a kid, they’re both responsible for said kid.
Not sure how many issues you’ve had like this, but when people start texting me because their significant other didn’t take care of things, I’m done. And while losing a job is rough, you still take care of your kid.
That’s a cop-out. Sounds like the mother has two kids she sent to play at your house that you were responsible for.” MakingMyWorldSpin
15. AITJ For Defending My Dad From My Mom And Stepdad?
“My mom left my and my sister’s dad when we were 2(m) and 1(f) for our stepdad. Our parents split custody of us but as you can imagine, it was not a beautiful, ‘everyone is BFFs’ kind of blended family.
Dad was hurt. Dad still probably is in some ways. Mom is the one who told us what happened when we were still small (maybe when we were around 5 and 6) because she thought we were confused by the fact dad wasn’t going to meet her and my stepdad’s baby and the fact we weren’t around the baby all the time, which is something she thought we were sad about.
We were never confused about Dad not being around the baby. We knew why. Because the baby was not his kid like we were his kids.
We also weren’t exactly sad because babies are loud and we loved our dad’s place.
His house had him, we had more outdoor space and we had kids to play with in the neighborhood. I think it did more harm than good the way Mom talked about it because she came across to us like she wanted us to dislike Dad for being mad at her for leaving him for our stepdad.
There was a point a year ago too where my sister said she felt like mom wanted us to say we were glad it happened or something. I kinda got that too. But my sister could put it into words where I couldn’t before.
My parents don’t really talk. I don’t think Dad is mad anymore but he’s never going to go out of his way for Mom or our stepdad. I don’t think he’s wrong for that either. They don’t care about his feelings.
And our half-siblings aren’t any of his concern so it’s never going to bother me.
A couple of years ago my mom and stepdad got into a car accident while we were all in school. My sister and I were at Dad’s that week so he picked us up from school like normal. I’m not sure who asked or how many different people asked him but at least one person asked if he could pick up my half-siblings from school when he picked us up (they were in different schools but they are right next to each other).
My dad said no and he didn’t take them. But someone communicated badly because my half-siblings were left there and it became a whole ordeal. My dad ended up being painted as the bad guy. My half-siblings were made very aware of the fact my dad didn’t pick them up and how wrong others thought that was.
My dad is now spoken about like he owed something and didn’t follow through. My stepdad has called him a petty jerk.
I’m tired of it and when my mom and stepdad were complaining about how cruel he was to my half-siblings, I told them my dad didn’t owe their kids anything, and given how much my half-siblings speak crap about my dad, they were making them just as entitled as the two of them are.
That they should never have been told crap and should not think my dad owes them something. They tried to ground me for speaking to them that way and I told them they were ridiculous and I was so done with them.
My mom said I am the oldest and should be more compassionate and understanding. She also accused me of being like my dad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, not at all.
First of all, your Dad was not obligated to pick up kids that weren’t his.
He doesn’t even need a reason for that, but in this instance, he had a couple of very good reasons. Not only his personal distress and discomfort but also that this is the kind of situation where accusations fly left and right if something goes wrong.
Good on your Dad for having appropriate boundaries.
Your Dad should actually never have been asked in the first place. He was not the appropriate person and should not have been placed in that position. This is then entirely on the people who didn’t communicate properly and find an appropriate person.
I think it is fantastic that you are standing up for your Dad. Your Mum and StepDad are engaging in behaviors designed to drive a wedge between you and your Dad, which is both unfair and harmful to you. They’re trying to basically cover up their own poor behavior by painting him as the bad guy whenever they can.
They can’t accept responsibility.” msfinch87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father has handled everything appropriately.
What your mother is doing is called parental alienation and it’s trashy. Your mom and stepdad are responsible for their own children. They are also responsible for being decent human beings to you and your sister.
They are failing.
If you’re old enough, most courts will listen to where you want to live if 50-50 doesn’t work anymore. They also take parental alienation very seriously. Talk to your dad and your sister if things need to change.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
High compliment there, be like your dad, don’t take their crap. Your mom and stepdad don’t seem to make an effort to find their peace, instead, they go out of their way to fuel their rage with petty nonsense all the time.
Worse yet, they seem intent on infecting their kids with the same mentality. If you’re willing, you have a chance to convince your half-siblings not to listen to them, but I would just bite my tongue and wait to be old enough to move to dad’s full-time.” Bo_O58
14. AITJ For Asking My Husband If We Have To Pay For His Parents' Dinner?
“My (37F) husband (40M) and I are amateur foodies – we don’t know anything about anything, but really enjoy good food and going to new places.
We have a lifestyle that allows us to eat out whenever we like, and live in an area with lots of good food and unique restaurants. We also like to share our favorites, and so recently have begun inviting either my parents or his parents out with us.
We take them out maybe once every 3-4 months (not including celebrations), and because we invite, we always pay. This isn’t the only time we see our parents.
A few months ago, my in-laws invited us out to a restaurant they liked near their house.
We hadn’t ever been, and even though it wasn’t a place we normally would have chosen, we figured it was their way of ‘joining the fun’ and showing us something new as we had shown them. After dinner, my MIL slid the bill over to my husband without looking at it.
He looked surprised, but dinner wasn’t expensive, so we paid for it without saying anything. A few weeks later, my in-laws invited us out again, to a moderately expensive place we had taken them once before, and did the same thing.
Recently, while on a call with his Mom, my husband mentioned that I had gotten an award at work. His mother immediately suggested we all go out to a very fancy restaurant nearby to celebrate. I quietly asked if we were going to have to pay for it, and my husband started glaring daggers at me.
He ended the call quickly and called me rude. I told him I didn’t think we should have to pay every time his parents wanted to go to dinner, and that they were using my award (which really wasn’t a big deal at all) to get a fancy night out.
He said we could afford it and they couldn’t (this is true), and I was a jerk for refusing to pay for them. Later, after he had spoken to his dad, he told me I had embarrassed his parents and made them feel like moochers.
They want an apology, and to make up for it, he said we should just take them out to the fancy restaurant they want. No pretense of celebrating my award this time.
AITJ? I don’t feel like it’s wrong to expect not to pay when you’re invited out.
Because I know someone will ask: yes, in an attempt to resolve the fight with my husband, I suggested holding off on fancy restaurants until their anniversary at the end of summer. They want to go now. Also, splitting the bill is apparently not an option, and suggesting that was rude, too.”
Another User Comments:
“Your in-laws are moochers.
They invite you for dinner and then slip the bill for you to pay. They might be able to do that to their son, assuming you have separate finances and he is paying for dinner from his fun budget.
The most concerning thing is that your husband is taking their side and expecting you to apologize. You did nothing wrong.
If my husband did this to me, he would get an earful, and I would tell him he is welcome to take his parents out for a fancy meal without me, and he better be paying with his card.
Yes, this would be a hill to die on.
NTJ.” RedSAuthor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You stated in your story that because you invite them, y’all always pay. Which is the standard for dining with others. Unless it is a double date & each couple pays for themselves.
The fact your in-laws invited y’all out, you expected them to pay. They didn’t even ask or anything but slid the check to your husband to pay as they expected y’all to pay. This happened more than once.
There is nothing wrong with your reaction to them wanting to go out to ‘celebrate your award’. As you took it as them taking y’all out to celebrate but because of their past behavior you wanted clarity on who would pay.
It doesn’t even sound like you asked rudely. Just matter of factly. At least, that’s how you made it sound in your story.
Your husband, on the other hand, is making excuses for his parents for acting like moochers.
Because that is how they are acting. Especially with their response to celebrate your award.
You don’t owe them an apology and your husband should be on your side.” Pixiedust027
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s lovely that you and your husband treat the parents and in-laws to a free meal at a nice restaurant every 3-4 months, but it sounds like your in-laws are starting to expect to get a free meal at least every month.
Your husband clearly doesn’t have a problem with this, but if his parents get a free meal every month, why not your parents too?
Shared finances should have an agreement on shared expenses. If you and your husband have separate finances, then he can pay for his parents out of his fun budget.” pyrrhaHA
13. AITJ For Worrying About My Laptop First?
“Today I was in the middle of a conversation with my roommate and all of a sudden I accidentally knocked over my water bottle on his table, and it spilled across the surface. Luckily, the only thing on the table at the time was my laptop, which I rushed to make sure it was safe and dry before the water spread to it.
However, my roommate was quite angry that I prioritized my own property over drying off his wooden table that it was sitting on (which he had bought), despite me drying off the table as soon as I was sure my laptop wasn’t irreparably destroyed by the water.
No lasting damage was caused to the table, yet my roommate remains mad at me and insists that I am a jerk for not prioritizing wiping down his table before making sure my $1000+ laptop was safe. He told me ‘It is telling that you took care of your own property before that of other people,’ although I believe it was justified to do so given the circumstances.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because of course you are going to take care of your property that you bought with YOUR money! You were also responsible for cleaning up the water that spilled before it harmed his table, but an expensive laptop takes precedence over a table he probably bought for less than 100 bucks (if he tells you differently he is either lying or his purchase priorities lie in the wrong things: Laptop > Table, just like Food > Clothes).
Next time he makes a mistake at the cost of something you own (even if it’s cheap) give him a taste of his own medicine (i.e ‘I can’t believe you are so irresponsible to spill your drink on my shirt!’, even if it’s a cheap one.)” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t prioritize your own property over his. You prioritized the property most at risk from damage.
I assume that if his laptop was also sitting on the table you would have first grabbed the one nearest the spill…
Also, he is talking about a table here – any table that will be damaged by spilling any normal liquid (be that water, juices, coffee, soup, or whatever else) on it for a matter of seconds is barely fit for purpose, or should never be allowed to have anything like that near it to start with.
First, you save the delicate items, then you clean up the spill, seems like a pretty simple process.” nrsys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your roommate is a fool. Water damage could render your laptop unusable. The only way water is going to damage that table is if you let it sit there for hours or days and keep it wet.
It sounds like your roommate is intentionally trying to cause conflict with you and inventing clownish reasons in the process.” False-Guess
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom She's Ugly Too?
“I (16f) am fat. I know I am. I should lose weight and I’ve started watching my calories and have already lost 10 pounds (although I need to lose lots more, it’s a start).
Anyway, my mom has many opinions on the clothes that I wear, specifically which ones I look good in. She has basically one shirt and one pair of pants that she likes that I wear for formal occasions because she says that they’re flattering and slimming.
I hate that set. I really like dresses and I’ve been gifted quite a few from family members that also fit me (I don’t know if they look good but they cover all of me that needs to be covered).
My sister (13f) is taller and thinner than me so my mom will give them to my sister before I’ve got a chance to wear them. They look good on her, and, in all honesty, I’d be fine passing on most of them to her if I at least got a chance to feel pretty in them once.
She is gifted her own dresses, after all, that I never get to touch, so I’d really like to have a chance with my own.
I’ve told my mom this and she basically doesn’t care, and my arguments are pretty bad because I really have no concept of what looks good (I’ve pretty much let her decide my wardrobe because she won’t insult it too much when she’s the one picking out and purchasing every single outfit).
I’m receiving an award at school and my mom wants me to wear the shirt and pant set. I asked her if I could wear one of my dresses. Why can’t I wear the one that was bought for my birthday, that my sister wore to her sports luncheon?
Because it’s black and white and my mom thinks I should wear color. Why can’t I wear the one that was a Christmas present, that my sister wore to her middle school awards? Because it’s got cap sleeves and that’s not appropriate.
After I kept pressing my mom she finally admitted that she thinks the dresses look ugly on me. She says that my thighs make me look most fat and I need to de-emphasize them with slacks (I’d argue that an A-line dress would hide them better, especially with a tight top because my shoulders aren’t as fat as the rest of me).
She asked me why I’m so uncomfortable in my clothes, because if I really hate myself so much I should exercise more. I started crying because I have tried exercising and she was the one who mocked my every attempt until I was too afraid to move in front of her.
She told me then that I looked ugly when I cried, so I called her ugly back.
That got her to stop talking to me, which was nice, but I’m now feeling bad. My mom told me that she was not going to help me anymore if I won’t take it nicely, and I can wear whatever I want and deal with everybody at school making fun of me for being fat.
I’m not too afraid of that because my school has decent body diversity and I’ve literally never seen anybody make fun of anybody else for being fat. My mom’s done the most making fun and has made me feel the worst about myself.
Still, she was pretty upset, and now I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for making her upset for a few days now?”
Another User Comments:
“Dear girl, your mom is a bully. She’s wrong to be treating you this way.
Do not believe the words she’s saying to you, how she’s trying to put you down all the time. Do what’s best for you. Well done on working hard and achieving results! 10 pounds lost is no small feat, no matter how long the road ahead is.
Remember, steady, continuous progress, even when slow, will yield the desired results. You just have to be patient and consistent.
You acted out. You’re a teen and you were pushed to your limits, and that can be forgiven. In general, it’s not right to treat others with unkindness, but when you’re pressed against the wall you turn to whatever defense mechanism you have available.
So NTJ. Your mom is a grown-up, she’ll get over it. Don’t let her guilt trip you, what you told her isn’t at all that horrible.
And wear the dress you want to wear. It’s a school event.
Cap sleeves are totally okay.” MidwinterSun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course it wasn’t well done for you to call your mom ugly, but I dare anyone to keep their composure perfectly in a situation like that. Especially after years of the same treatment.
Your mom, on the other hand, is a huge jerk for picking on you about your clothes and making fun of you when you tried to exercise. Your family is supposed to be a soft place to land, not people who put you down and make you feel trashy.
She should apologize for systematically tearing down your confidence. IF you decide to apologize, do it for yourself only, to feel better about everything. You did nothing wrong.
Congratulations on your award – keep shining.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom is emotionally abusive. She was never helping you, she is only hurting you. Her issues with food and body should not be yours to carry.
Take control of your wardrobe. One of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to wear things you like and feel good about.
Delight in wearing things that annoy her. Because she’s wrong and if she’s mad it’s because you’re doing something right by taking her control over you away.
Be careful with weight loss, ok? Talk to your doctor.
Make sure you’re being safe and not wandering into dangerous eating disorder territory. Eating disorders are among the most fatal mental illnesses.” Possible_Thief
11. AITJ For Not Correcting My Grandma Who Has Dementia?
“My Grandma is 90 years old and has dementia, she lives with my aunt who takes care of her. My aunt called me and asked if I could stay with Grandma for a little while she went out to do some shopping.
Of course, I agreed. I get there Grandma is sitting in her chair. I say ‘Hi, Grandma’.
She tells me ‘Hi, Linda’. (Linda is her sister who died in 1980).
My aunt leaves and Grandma and I just sit there talking and having a little bit of lunch.
From the best description I can give, Grandma’s basically Lost in Time mixing up things that happened in the fifties, the ’70s, the ’90s, last week, and from when she was a kid. But I just nod my head and agree with her.
She seems happy to be telling me these stories.
My aunt gets back and has her son with her. Grandma declares she needs to go to the bathroom so she gets up and starts walking over there, she falls in the bathroom.
My cousin will not pick her up because Grandma fell with her pants down and according to him, that’s embarrassing to see.
My aunt gets frustrated with my grandma because my Grandma keeps saying Anna is coming for her and she doesn’t want my aunt to help her (Anna is another sister who has been dead 20 years) and my aunt keeps arguing that Anna is not coming.
I finally go in there and tell Grandma I need to pick you up, she keeps telling me ‘No, Anna is coming’. So I tell her ‘Grandma, if Anna is coming she doesn’t want to see you on the floor with your butt hanging out now does she?’
Grandma looks at me and lets me pick her up. We get her pants pulled up and I tell her okay Grandma if your sister is coming let’s get you in bed so you can rest until she gets here.
Grandma listens and gets in bed and tells me ‘Good night Jude’ (Jude is my cousin’s kid, and he’s 6 years old).
I tell her good night, to sleep well, and get good rest. Then I leave her room.
My aunt all of a sudden gets on my case about lying to Grandma about Anna.
Saying that I should correct Grandma every time she says something wrong and that I shouldn’t answer to other people’s names. I see my grandma has no clue what’s going on with life. I think it’s easier just to agree with her to get things taken care of than argue with a woman with dementia.
Both my aunt, cousin, and even my dad think I’m wrong to just agree with Grandma. I do it because I don’t want to argue with Grandma and Grandma has no clue honestly so AITJ for just going along with whoever Grandma says because she has dementia?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are doing the right thing and your aunt (and other family) is completely wrong. Nothing whatsoever can be achieved by trying to ‘pull people out of’ their dementia, except distressing them which is awful for them (and for everyone around).
Your kindness and compassion are really lovely to hear about. Keep doing what you’re doing.
If your grandma can’t be cared for properly by her family then someone needs to look at other options (eg home help, care facility).” msfinch87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, with dementia, the best course of direction is to agree and/or deflect. So your response was perfect. ‘Well if Anna is coming let’s get you ready for her’.
It sounds like her dementia is severe enough that she’s not going to just sit and wait all day for something that’s not going to happen because she’s just going to get confused or forget and convince herself something else is going on anyway.
So it makes no difference if you say Anna is or isn’t coming because she’s not going to remember either way; it’s just going to make her argumentative and/or upset when you try to correct her.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, dementia is an absolutely horrible disease.” IamtheRealDill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did exactly the right thing. Arguing with Grandma while she is on the floor is not only counterproductive but potentially dangerous for someone her age. You got Grandma up off the floor and safely into bed.
Your family is experiencing a long goodbye. They are already mourning because they are already losing her bit by bit and want more than anything for her to remember. After the dust settles tell your family how much you enjoyed her stories even if you played multiple family members.
Grandma knows you belong to her even if she isn’t sure where in her family you belong.” EnthusiasmNo9876
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get My Daughter Baptized?
“My in-laws are very catholic, my husband grew up very religious obviously but now believes in nothing. I grew up kind of catholic, my parents made me do all the religious stuff because it’s kind of just what you do not really because they believed in it.
I too now believe in nothing. His parents moved down south a few years ago to be closer to my husband’s grandparents, about a 6-hour drive away.
MIL is a pain in the butt about religion, she begged us to get married in a catholic church or at least by a priest, but we didn’t.
At our rehearsal dinner, she led an entire prayer with the entire room where she mentioned my dead dad several times which I really hated but I kept my mouth shut.
We had our daughter 6 months ago and MIL has been bugging us about getting her baptized. We have told her over and over we are not doing it.
Yesterday she called and asked if she could get her baptized in a church near her home and she would throw a little party down there for his parents, grandparents, and us since we don’t care about getting her baptized. She keeps saying getting her baptized is for her and his grandparents and it is important to them.
I snapped and told her it was not happening just drop it already. She went on social media and made a nasty post about it and is getting a lot of support. Even my mom is saying we are jerks and just do it to appease her but I’m really sick of having her religion shoved down my throat.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not her child, not her choice. She doesn’t get to force her religion on you and your child. Stop answering her calls and text. If you do end the conversation as soon as she brings it up.
Cut her off. Not up for discussion and hang up. If it’s a text don’t respond. If she keeps calling and texting mute her notifications and make her contact ringer silent.” Witty_Comfortable777
Another User Comments:
“You cannot get the child baptized in the Catholic Church because neither of the child’s parents intends to raise her in the Catholic faith, and that intention is one of the core requirements.
Granted, some people will be all, ‘It’s a harmless lie!’ but if religion is THAT IMPORTANT to someone, respecting the tenets of that creed ought to be equally important. If anyone pushes, simply say that even if one tables the ‘do it to make Grandma happy’ argument, it’s morally unsavory to lie about one’s intentions and you would feel as if you’re making a mockery of someone else’s deeply held tenets of faith.
NTJ.” lschmeiser
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your child, not anyone else’s. If you and your spouse have already decided not to do it then the decision is final. If it’s brought up again tell her you two have already had this discussion and the decision is final then change the subject.
You need to set the boundary now because she will just get worse. I also wouldn’t let her be alone with your child as she may do it behind your back.” LilBoo2019TR
Sounds like you and your husband are united in the decision to not raise your children in any faith. Stick to your guns and tell your husband to handle his parents and grandparents.
NTJ
9. AITJ For Being Considerate Of My Partner's Roommates?
“My partner and I are in a long-distance relationship, she shares a house with some other university people (4 other girls) and I would usually drive down and stay with her for a couple of days every 2 weeks.
However, I’ve been coming down a lot more and been in the house a lot more. When I came down recently her housemates asked my partner if it would be okay if I didn’t go in the kitchen as much and wouldn’t go in when they are cooking.
They also said they sometimes wait until my partner and I are done in the kitchen before they use it as they find it uncomfortable and awkward.
My partner and I both agreed it was fine and okay. However, a couple of days later, I wouldn’t go into the kitchen if I heard the housemates in there and would wait but my partner told me to just go.
Additionally, I once tried to leave the kitchen as I didn’t have any more cooking to do in case the housemates were gonna come down and my partner got annoyed. I was just trying to avoid contact as I don’t want the housemates to feel awkward.
I still do the washing up late at night and will be with my partner sometimes when she cooks so it’s not about me finding an excuse to be lazy.
Anyway, I expressed how I can’t go in the kitchen as much and I am trying to avoid them but my partner thinks I am putting them on a pedestal and I am ignoring what she wants (us in the kitchen more).
We argued back and forth and I was just explaining how I don’t want anyone to feel awkward and our time in the kitchen is a fraction of the day so it won’t matter.
She refused to talk to me for a while and now kicked me out of the house, I’ve just been sitting in my car with only my phone for hours.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I hope you didn’t just sit around in your car for much longer and went home. Because that’s ridiculous. You are doing what a good housemate does: compromising. They’re okay with you being over so often, and just ask that you’re in the kitchen less.
That’s perfectly reasonable, and I’m glad you recognize it as such. Because this isn’t just your partner’s home, it’s their home too. I don’t like that she is willing to make them less comfortable in their own home just for her personal convenience.” delicate-butterfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re a guest there, you’re not on the lease and you’re not paying rent, it is your obligation to respect the boundaries of all people there. Good for you OP on that.
Your partner is weird, does she not think of the consequences of potential conflict with her roommates?
She lives with 4 women, they may not feel comfortable with a complete stranger in their home, and may not feel comfortable sharing space with a man. While I think it is a bit weird for the kitchen to be a place of peculiarity, it is totally within their right to expect respect from house guests.” Oinkeroo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
From where I sit, you actually ARE prioritizing your partner. You’re being mindful of her roommates and thus making sure her living situation isn’t jeopardized by your behavior. She may not care about them, but you care about whether or not they will retaliate against her if you’re not mindful of their comfort as well.” User
8. AITJ For Not Liking The Birthday Cake My Mom Got Me?
“My birthday was the other day and I (16M) just turned 16 (as you can guess). Also, my family has never really been big on birthdays, unless they are big numbers like 18,21,30,40,50 (etc).
Anyways come the night before my birthday and my mom (45F) comes up to me and says ‘You didn’t want anything for your birthday right?’ I was confused cause I had already said a couple of things that I wanted/needed. So she noticed I look confused and was like ‘Well did you want toys or clothes?’ (She knows I’m not a kid and she also knows I hate when people buy clothes for me, so stupid to even ask that.) I say no but said I would like to have Burger King for dinner, immediately she turns down the idea because she doesn’t want it.
So oh well, not a big deal I can live with whatever it is she wants.
Come the day and I offered to work all day considering it was a public holiday and I wasn’t doing anything else. This annoyed my mom for some reason (don’t know why) so she was salty with me up until I left for work.
Once I got home I was looking for my brother (20M) as he said he was gonna come, turns out mom told him not to bother as I was gonna be at work all day. That upset me a bit as we don’t see each other as often as we used to and it’s always fun to just talk.
Anyways everyone else wants to go to bed as it was around 8:30 so there was me, my mom, dad (48M), and one of mom’s friends (F29) standing around the table as mom brings out the cake. The cake is caramel flavored. I’m not a picky eater at all but there are a few things that I despise and just can’t seem to like, one of them being caramel.
So they sing and mom is handing out the cake asking who wants a piece and as she hands one to me I politely decline saying how I don’t like caramel. Wrong thing to say apparently cause she goes off.
Saying how nothing is ever good enough for me and that I’m a jerk for not even trying it and whatnot.
So I’m thinking was I the jerk? Should I have just been appreciative?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The real jerk is a mother who feigns interest in her children without ever grasping or remembering a single detail about them. She asked you if you wanted toys like you were an actual child, clothes despite knowing you prefer to buy your own, and turned down the only thing you asked for.
Then, when clearly your birthday wasn’t going in any fashion like you’d prefer she gets annoyed because you choose to work that day, and tells your brother not to be around to spite you. Finally, she buys a cake that at this point I’m not entirely convinced wasn’t chosen just to fabricate drama, because surely she knows you don’t like caramel.” MundanePlanet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mum is being very unreasonable here saying ‘Nothing is good enough for you’. You literally got nothing for your birthday except a cake in a flavor you don’t like. She bought nothing, canceled the one person you wanted to see, and refused to have the kind of dinner you requested. It sounds like she just doesn’t see you as a separate individual with preferences that differ from hers.” cynical_overlord1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, what is there to appreciate about your mother? She didn’t care whether you wanted something for your birthday. Her asking ‘You didn’t want anything for your birthday, right?’ was her just looking for validation, not a genuine question.
She doesn’t know what kind of cake you like or didn’t bother to ask. She didn’t even care what you wanted to eat on your birthday because it’s not something she wanted (why couldn’t she just buy you burger king and get something else for herself?).
She didn’t care whether you got to see your brother or not… She treated you like a coworker she barely knows or interacts with and only saw it was their birthday that morning.
So honestly, why should you appreciate anything about your mother?
It doesn’t sound like she’s a decent parent. Putting food on the table and making sure you are not homeless aren’t anything to appreciate because she is obligated to do that, both morally and by law so she can’t get credit for that.
If your mother is genuinely upset (which I don’t believe, I think it’s manufactured), then it’s her own fault for being an idiot.” False-Guess
7. AITJ For Thinking My Brother Will Never Marry?
“I have a younger brother that’s 16, but due to intellectual disabilities, he has the mental age of 6-7 years old.
For an illustration of this, he’s fully convinced that superpowers like in Marvel movies exist and one day he’ll discover he has them. His doctor says that his development has stagnated and it’s very likely he’ll never develop past this even into adulthood.
This to me clearly shows that when he’s an adult, he’ll need a full-time caretaker and not have a ‘normal’ life. But my parents seem to be in denial. They say that he’ll get a good white collar job because he’s a ‘hard worker’ and they say that will overcome his intellectual disabilities.
Plus, they say he’ll attract lots of girls because he’s ‘tall and good looking and sweet’ and so will find a smart girl to marry who will help him with life.
I just don’t think either of these things is realistic.
Regardless of hard work, it doesn’t seem likely he’ll be able to have a white-collar profession with the mental ability of a 6-year-old. Plus, I truly can’t see a smart girl with good intentions marrying him, because how could she when he’s mentally a child?
If anything, if somebody agreed I’d see them as wanting to take advantage of him.
Today, my mom was talking about how she’s sure he’ll find a good and smart girl to help him, so I told her essentially what I said above — that I don’t think that’s likely and the reasons why.
She got upset and said that was a ‘mean’ and ‘rude’ thing to say. I see it as just the truth, and one she and my dad have to accept — if my parents keep being delusional about my brother’s prospects instead of making preparations he actually will need, that will be bad for him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents are not preparing properly if they haven’t discussed this with your brother’s doctor. They’re also unfair to you, you shouldn’t be in the position to give them the wake-up call or make them prepared for the future.
If they continue denying this, I recommend consistently redirecting them to a doctor and also start making plans on how you will be fully independent. You probably can’t rely on them.” lellyla
Another User Comments:
“So while your mom is wishful thinking in believing that a normal person would be wanting to take care of your brother, it is not outside of the realm of possibility that your brother finds someone similar to him to marry.
I have seen stories of people that met in group homes or other assistance programs and they got married.
NTJ for trying to bring your mother to reality, but it may take another 16 years before your mother is willing to accept it.” Mike_in_CO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds to me like your parents are deluding themselves because the reality of the situation may be that he’s a dependent child for life. This is something that they don’t want to know and this is something that they don’t want to hear.
As a result, it doesn’t sound like anyone is preparing him for any kind of independence that he may actually be capable of.
If I were you, OP, I would distance myself from this whole thing. Otherwise, when reality finally sets in, they may try to stick you with the problem.” Arisia118
6. AITJ For Taking My Daughter's Dog To A Shelter?
“I (60 F) have a daughter (28 F) who we will call May. May lives with me along with her (large) dog. Now here is the issue. May is ‘self-diagnosed.’ I won’t say exactly what it is, but as far as I am concerned all she has is a classic case of depression.
She moved in with me when this all started and I had no qualms under the condition that she maintain a job, save her money to get back on her feet, and see a therapist or find some sort of way to help manage it.
For the past 6 months, she has called off work, taken sick and vacation days day after day, and I am pretty sure she is pretty close to losing her job. She saw a therapist for a few weeks but hasn’t been back since and since she has used up her sick leave I am the one paying for it because her insurance won’t cover this particular therapist. Her bedroom is a mess, there is garbage everywhere, dirty dishes, stains, food scraps, and her laundry is just disgusting.
I have tried to help when I can like doing her laundry, but at almost 30 I would expect someone to be able to clean up after themselves.
Now onto the real issue: May has a 4-year-old dog. The dog is nice enough, but it’s very large and very strong.
Whatever the breed is it requires a lot of exercise which May has been slacking in. This is leading to the dog becoming VERY destructive. Chewing on the furniture, tearing the pillows and couch, and relieving itself everywhere. I still work, I am gone all day.
I am not home to watch or walk this dog, May is. I have told her time and time again that she needs to take care of the dog, she needs to walk the dog, she needs to exercise the dog because I can’t.
I physically cannot. Her response is the same: ‘I can’t I have depression’ or a similar response but with the same underlying meaning.
This is where I might be the jerk. After coming home yesterday night, the dog had made a complete mess in the living room but the final straw was the fact the dog had torn up my brand new couch.
I was livid. I had given her one too many chances and opportunities but this was it. I called up the neighbor boys, loaded the dog into the car, and took it to the nearest shelter.
After coming home a few hours later, May decided to make an appearance to ask where her dog is and I told her.
Cue the screaming match. I was accused I could have done more for the dog and if I really loved her and understood her situation I would have just taken care of the dog while she took ‘care of herself’.
She has now locked herself in her room and is refusing to come out claiming what I did was irredeemable and everyone will know what a monster I was and proceeded to call up the whole family dragging them into this nonsense.
Now the whole family is involved and divided on this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know people suffer from depression and sometimes it takes all the will you have to just get out of bed. Your daughter is lucky that you are providing her shelter.
Even in her state, she should respect the boundaries that come with staying with someone else. If she is not able to take care of the dog then it’s not your responsibility as well. It’s already mentally draining to take care of an adult with depression.
You don’t have to come home from work and take care of the dog as well. Hope your daughter feels better but clearly you are NTJ.” infinitely_clueless
Another User Comments:
“I would say YTJ for how you went about it.
You could have found a good home for the dog and had a discussion with your daughter about how this is a better home for the dog. That way she would not be left wondering where he is and what condition he is in.
Better yet maybe a friend or family member who has more time and is a dog lover could have taken the dog in until your daughter starts feeling better (with her consent).
Maybe this could have been something to help motivate her to make some healthy changes in her life (I do not have experience/knowledge with treating depression so I’m not sure if that would help or not but am pretty confident it would be better than her having no idea where the dog is).
But if that wasn’t a possibility then yea, you could have talked to your daughter and told her since she was clearly not taking care of the dog it needed to be rehomed, and if she wasn’t going to find him a home, you would.” PastaandPages
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
We can debate whether the shelter was the right rehoming approach ad nauseam, but everything else was flawless. It is her dog and her responsibility. This was not a matter of you not dog-sitting when she had to run out, this was a matter of her forcing the work of dog ownership onto you while she had the enjoyment.
The fact that you are paying the bills only further demonstrates her apathy towards the dog. Additionally, dogs more frequently treat these conditions; they can give us positive energy and something to focus on. Caring for that dog should have been how she picked herself up and avoided therapy.
The fact that you tolerated as much as you did is remarkable.” AconitinePoisoning
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your daughter needs treatment whether she wants it or not and hopefully, she can pull herself together to get it and stop being so disgusting.
You suck because you didn’t rehome this dog, you ABANDONED IT! Rehoming implies you found a new place to live with a new forever home, what you did was abandon it at a shelter where it may or may not have to live for months before being adopted or put down, I just hope you brought it to a no-kill home.
If you just dropped it at the nearest one without research you are worse than your daughter.” hurtfulproduct
5. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Update Me About Her Trips?
“My wife needed a weekend to herself, which I fully support.
I need one too every once in a while. When she made the plans she said she was going camping with a friend after wine tasting during the day (today). She mentioned the general area they’d be camping and when she’d be home.
Cool, no big deal. So I hear from her this morning via text and then nothing again from her until 9:00 pm. No check-ins or anything. I thought this was strange.
After she texts me I asked how the day was, etc., and she mentions they were staying at some house that one of the other people in the group had set up and is very far away from where she said they’d be camping.
I tried very hard to not be annoyed by this, but I responded by saying that it would have been nice for her to let me know in case of an emergency. I also mentioned that it annoys me that she doesn’t check in when she goes on these kinds of trips.
She responded that she was with a group of people as an invited guest and that she was just going with the flow and that she always has her phone in case of an emergency. I told her that was all fine and good, but that if I couldn’t get a hold of her I’d have no idea where to look or where I could let someone know (like police or rescue) to look.
I could tell immediately that she thinks I am crazy for wanting this information and I imagine she’ll come back tomorrow saying that I’m trying to control her. For the record, I don’t care that she needs time to herself away from me and our kids, but not checking in and not telling me where she is staying seems discourteous.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s supposed to be common sense to tell you these things. Just because she has her phone doesn’t mean she will be safe, especially in a large group that could outnumber her.
She should’ve told you. Anything could happen – phone breaking, her turning her back for a sec then getting knocked out, her calling and it being too late or you literally couldn’t find the area, or literally just she gets injured and the group can’t do much to help.
You always tell people the area, the dates and times, and when you are moving out of that area.” HeyCanYouNotThanks
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You guys really need to settle all of that info beforehand. She was doing a good job of staying in touch and being available if needed. Your annoyance seems unwarranted but if you didn’t take it out on her or get in the way of her trip then you’re not a jerk.
The norm is for you to have the info about any house or hotel she’s headed to before she leaves. If she feels uncomfortable with that, the two of you are going to have to have a serious conversation about why that is.” TheUnsolicitedAdvice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’d probably want an update (and would update) when the plans changed too, not well afterward. It’s more important for her to be on top of this communication as a parent. Unfortunately, you can’t just drop responsibility and stop thinking of your family when you’re in that role.
Maybe work on your communication style, though. You’re not wrong to be annoyed, but you could approach this with the focus of her safety being important, if she were to have an emergency and can’t convey her location at that time you’d all be out of luck for a long time until authorities could help.
You’re not controlling where she’s going or what she’s doing, you want her to have fun and relax. You aren’t interested in sharing locations in your phone or weird tracking like that but you’d like contact and general info as her family who wants the best for her and her safety.
So maybe a solution can be worked out. Propose maybe a check-in in the morning with some general plans for the day if there are any and check-in at night that you’re safe and going to bed. I don’t think that’s too much for a committed relationship with children.” searchforstix
4. AITJ For Not Seeming Excited About My Friend's New Relationship?
“My (24f) friend (23f) revealed to me at a dinner that she’s been in a relationship for one year.
Every time she’s been out with him, she’s been lying and telling me she’s been out with friends or just saying she’s going out. She told me she understands if I’m upset with her for not telling me.
I wasn’t upset, I just felt it was odd because my friend will make comments about not being able to find someone or will talk about her appearance and how she was destined to be alone.
She told me her whole reason for keeping it a secret was because she was self-sabotaging and embarrassed about developing feelings for someone.
This is her first relationship. She told me I could ask her anything and I genuinely didn’t have anything to ask. I feel it would’ve been different if she had told me along the way about him and I would’ve had more questions.
But finding out they’d been together for a year, I could only ask the basics like what’s his name. It took her about forty mins of non-interrupted talking to tell me about him including his job, values, and where she met him.
So there was no info left out for me to ask about. Afterward, she asked if I wanted her to share more in the future about him and my response was, ‘Sure but only if you want’.
I get why I may be the jerk as this may have come across as passive-aggressive.
But throughout her telling me about him, she talked about not wanting people to judge her or feeling uncomfortable bringing him up. So, I don’t want her to feel forced to tell me.
Today, she sent me a long audio note about how she feels I’m not excited for or supportive of her because, since that conversation on Friday, I haven’t asked her about him.
She said she doesn’t think it’s something that I should be upset about because I’m the first person she told and she would’ve expected more from her best friend. Again, I never said I was upset nor looked like I was upset.
I smiled at her and also thanked her after she initially told me. I’m more so just surprised. I’ve also been keeping up conversation with her since the reveal. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It doesn’t sound like you’re unsupportive, but it absolutely sounds like your friend is being very self-involved and thoughtless about this interaction, especially given that her relationship is not at all new from her perspective, so it’s hard to even blame it on her being excited about something that has JUST happened to her.
No, you are NTJ, because you ARE supportive from the sound of it, but she is asking you to be ‘excited’ about something that she – your friend – has been actively and deliberately going out of her way to lie to you about for a year.
She didn’t just ‘not tell you’… she made a concerted effort to hide it from you (which fine, she’s entitled to her privacy), but in the process, she did a lot of things that are hurtful and not conducive to a mutually supportive friendship.
And she expects you to put aside your very valid feelings about having been lied to for all this time, and just forget them and be ‘excited’ for her… about something she didn’t trust you with for a year.
What she’s asking isn’t fair, and it doesn’t respect YOUR right to have feelings.
So no, you’ve done nothing wrong here, but she owes you a real, genuine apology for treating you like a receptacle for her news instead of an actual person.” Sorry_I_Guess
Another User Comments:
“If she didn’t want to talk about him – fine.
But the issue to me is that she lied to you over and over and over again. She has a weird hang-up about relationships ok, that’s her business, yet she was willing to use your relationship as collateral for her choices.
No matter what her reason, it was her choice to lie to you repeatedly and it was your trust and friendship she was okay with betraying. Anxiety can make you do a lot of things but it’s your choices that make you who you are – and your friend’s choices here are horrible.
When you make the wrong choices and lie to someone, you have to be willing to deal with the consequences, not be upset that the person you lied to is still upset. This shows she is still trying to control the narrative and does not value your position in the friendship.
I am very strongly convinced, and this is only my personal opinion, that she will lie/manipulate/disregard you again. I hope you will reconsider your friendship with someone who does not value you.
NTJ.” shadow-pop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your best friend seems to be very insecure and is surely in need of your approval/confirmation. Perhaps a kind message to tell her you’re happy for her but need a little time to think through it would be calming to her.
She’s probably anxious and pushy as a result of her insecurities and she needs her best friend to validate her.
On another hand. She should also understand that she’s hidden her life from you for a whole year.
Then came up with loads of information, probably too much so you couldn’t process everything at once.
She should learn how to express her needs clearly to you. And she isn’t morally allowed to tell you you aren’t allowed to be upset about the year of lies cause you’re the first one she opened up to about this relationship.” AITAAllbananas
3. AITJ For Being Angry At My Cousins Who Bully Me?
“Ever since elementary school my cousins constantly bullied me and a couple of weeks ago I got into a fight with one of my cousins because he tried to call me his cousin after I won this competition we were having at school.
I filled up with rage and I just yelled ‘Oh so now I’m your cousin?!’ I instantly regretted it but he went on and on about how I’m his cousin with my other cousins. I then said, ‘All these years y’all treated me like I was a stranger and now y’all wanna call me y’all’s cousin because I won this competition?!’ I was already done with them because they dogged me out multiple times like flirting with my bullies and even posting pics with them.
Next week I’m gonna have my last wrestling match and my dad said that my aunt asked if she and the rest of my family could come and I told him how I got into an argument with my cousins then he went to their house and made them apologize but that made it worse.
I don’t know what to do now.
Never would I ever turn on my cousin just because my friend told me to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There are always gonna be fake people like this in life, who only want to be associated with you when you have something to offer.
Right now because you’re young, you lashing out at them is understandable. But when you mature, you’ll realize the smart thing to do is to smile at them and let them think whatever they want. You know who your true friends are.
Still, there’s no need to make enemies with users like that.” NeedMoniesCuzImBroke
Another User Comments:
“You are never obligated to spend time with people that make you feel bad or hurt you.
NTJ but you need to develop the skill of communicating how you feel before it reaches a point where you lash out because it’s important for others to respect your boundaries but they cannot do that if they don’t know what they are.
It would be a good idea to write out an explanation for your dad on why you don’t want your cousins to attend your match and how they have made you feel (ideally with examples of what they have done that made you feel that way).
You didn’t include your age here but you sound young and I think it’s too much to expect you to explain things to your aunt at this point and it’s fair to ask your dad to tell her that/why it’s best they don’t attend your match.
If at this point you have told your dad how you feel about your cousins and that you don’t want to be around them then you will have established that boundary with your dad and it becomes his responsibility to respect it.
If he doesn’t (like if he tells you to get over it or doesn’t respect your wishes) then that would make him the jerk and I’m sorry he hasn’t developed that skill yet.
Hopefully, though, he’ll respect your needs and you can continue to grow in your communication skills.
Good luck kid!” NowKissPlease
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you are being bullied, you can’t solve it this way. Think of the bigger picture and start addressing the bullying every time, and get help from your parents or anyone else who will help you.
Your bullies are just going to use this to make you look bad if you don’t address the bullying in the right way.
No one should be bullying you. Even if you lose the competition. Winning the competition is not the thing that makes it wrong to bully you.” Balthazar-the-Dwarf
In future, don't ever hesitate to stand up for yourself, because no one is going to do it for you. A favorite saying of mine is "Be careful what you tolerate; you're teaching people how to treat you." Because you didn't defend yourself to the bullies, they got the idea that you'd allow them to get away with it. But now, they won't. Good job!
2. AITJ For Making My Teenage Nephew Pay Rent?
“In February my 16-year-old nephew moved out of my younger sister’s home and came to live with me. My sister has 4 other kids with my nephew’s stepdad. The oldest is 8 and the youngest is just a few months. My nephew and his stepdad both hate each other.
My nephew had been couch surfing with friends on and off for a few months before he moved in with me. My roommate moved out at the end of last year and I can afford the rent without him now so wasn’t planning on having someone else move in.
My nephew has a job and works around 20 hours a week. When I offered him a place to stay it was on the condition that he pays me 10% of his weekly paycheck. His mom knows I am taking part of his earnings as rent and has no problem with it.
However, my older sister (not his mom) found out I was charging him rent to live with me and thought I’m a jerk. She says because he is still 16 nobody should be charging him rent. I disagree as he has a bedroom he can sleep in free of charge and where he can get all his food free of charge.
He is choosing not to live there. He is choosing to live with me even though he knew upfront he would have to pay rent. I don’t have any kind of custody and am not his legal guardian, his mom still is.
My sister argues because I can afford to house him/feed him etc that means I’m charging him for no reason (I can afford it but not comfortably as my grocery bill has doubled and electricity has gone up), and he should be saving or spending that money on himself.
She also thinks he’s not really choosing to live with me but rather choosing to live somewhere he feels safe (which is not with his stepdad) and that I’m making him pay for something he has a right to.
This point makes me question myself as I somewhat agree.
I know he would rather be living with his mom because they are very close but living with his stepdad has become too hard for him. He would probably live anywhere else right now. I am also the only relative that lives in the same town as his mom, so even if my older sister would happily let him live with her, she lives too far away.
I’m his only alternative option that isn’t his friends’ houses. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like your older sister likes to complain when she doesn’t have skin in the game.
A simple response is that the expense for the nephew is X dollars per month, so is she willing to spend that much?
Split it with you?
10% of paycheck really isn’t all that much and it probably helps him feel better about his decision, because like you said, he has a room at home that he can use for free. He’s old enough to understand that while he has a right to food and shelter, you are not the person obligated to provide it.
If you really feel bad about taking his money, just keep it in a savings account and give it to him as a gift when he leaves for college, or whatever.
Enjoy this time with your nephew!” ComputerCrafty4781
Another User Comments:
“It’s 10% of his wages… say 30 of 300$, to help with the grocery bill. Plenty of us were paying a lot more at his age.
Teenage boys eat a lot. It’s easy for your sister to say you should cover all his expenses, but he’s your nephew, not your son, and she’s not paying for his food and water bill.
If your sister has a problem with it, she’s welcome to pay his actual expenses. 30$ or so would barely cover it.
There’s nothing wrong with him helping out a bit to get used to contributing to household expenses. Life costs money, and you’re not depriving him of spending money, he’s still got 90% for spending money and saving for his long-term goals, and presumably in addition to giving him free housing, you’re also being a good aunt/uncle to him.
NTJ.” EstherVCA
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, except nephew. Mom and stepdad should be paying you all his expenses if they are not willing to create a home where he feels safe. You should be supporting him emotionally and getting financial assistance from the adults legally responsible for providing for the minor in your care.
The stepfather should treat him better and not make his mom choose. And mom should not allow her husband to run her child out of his own home. Nephew has enough barriers in place right now; he doesn’t need to feel like a financial burden or a payday on top of everything else.” AdInteresting8032
1. AITJ For Telling My Brother That I'm Not His Real Brother?
“I (21) was visiting home over Christmas break, and my brother (15) got annoyed with me because I wouldn’t take him out for a driving lesson.
He said, ‘Well, why would you help me anyway since you aren’t my real brother.’ This hurt me a lot, but I didn’t say anything. Before Spring Break my family asked while we were face timing if I would be visiting, and I said I had plans with friends.
My brother said he was disappointed, and I said ‘Why? I’m not your real brother.’ Our parents were shocked and angry I said that. I had a phone call with my dad later and we talked about it. He said it’s wrong to hold a grudge over something a fifteen-year-old said and I need to let it go.
This weekend I was at home for our dad’s birthday. My brother again asked me to take him to practice for his driving test. I said, ‘I’ll help you, even though I’m not your real brother.’ It was on impulse that I said it, just because the situation was similar to the original one.
He yelled at me that he was sorry about what he said and to stop bringing it up. I said okay, that I wouldn’t do it again. I said we can just go drive and not think about it anymore.
He said forget it and screw you and went to his room. My dad said I owe him an apology. I don’t know why what he said got to me so much, but I couldn’t let it go. When you say things, it affects people.
Of course, now he can say the same to me. I just don’t know. I don’t know if I’m being a huge jerk or an overemotional crybaby or maybe I’m in the right? I need some perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, your brother is 15, old enough to know what he said was hurtful and it was the reason why he said it. So no free pass just because he is young. You should have had a talk with him and let him know what he said was uncalled for.
When you want someone to help, you don’t resort to mean tactics. There was no healthy communication between the 2 of you so no wonder nothing was resolved. There is enough blame to go around.” Background-Cow8401
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but you suck more because you’re older.
You’re acting like kids, not adults. The 15-year-old gets a bit of a pass because even though what he said was hurtful he may be feeling some stress or insecurity, or he may be a jerk, hard to tell but 15-year-olds aren’t known for maturity.
You decided to handle it not in a mature way but in a passive-aggressive ‘I know you are but what am I?’’ childish manner. You suck even more for not letting it go but digging in deeper. Work on your ability to effectively communicate rather than passive-aggressive lashing out.
It’ll help you in the long run.” No-Personality1840
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
In theory, this is ‘everyone sucks here’ because you both said the same mean phrase, right? But in reality, you were deliberately cruel vs. his angry outburst.
First of all, you’re 21, use your words. This never should’ve made it past December. Your brother could’ve learned a real lesson in December, ‘saying cruel things when angry isn’t okay, and you should apologize for what you say instead of just moving on and ignoring it.’
Instead, you waited like 3 months for a tender family moment where your brother was expressing disappointment at not seeing you drop that phrase like a gotcha moment. Not only was that petty, but it was objectively cruel, and nowhere near the same circumstances.
You then did it again, in a closer circumstance. Now you’re surprised your brother doesn’t wanna interact with you? You turned a potential life lesson into showing your brother you are a petty jerk who holds massive grudges. Now, you owe him an apology, and please just tell him your feelings.
Maybe you’ll get a real apology when you do.” SugarSpicenNuthnNice
