People Excite Us With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
16. AITJ For Refusing To Serve My Father-In-Law And Telling Him I Don't Care If He Starves?
“My husband and I (both 26) recently hosted a family dinner to announce our pregnancy, it’s important to add that my husband doesn’t have a close relationship with his father, but we keep him around because he still has 3 minor siblings that we love and care for.
My FIL is the type of person that still thinks women should serve men at dining times (like, he has to be served first because he’s the breadwinner and crap like that), we usually don’t care since we mostly ignore them, however, this time my family was present and we consider he screwed around and found out.
My dad is my favorite person in the world, my mom died when I was little and my dad took care of my older sister and me, they’re the only family I have left. At dinner, both my husband and I cooked things we knew both of our families would like, the first issue started when my FIL tried to sit at one of the heads of the table and my husband said no, he sat at one and I sat at the other, me with my father and sister on either side and him with his brothers, so my FIL was kinda in the middle and didn’t like it.
The second problem and the cause of all of this, was everyone was kinda serving themselves, however, my dad has a damaged nerve on his right hand and he struggles when holding spoons/forks and such (my sister bought him a Parkinson-friendly cutlery set that he brings around, but a big spoon for serving is still hard for him), so I offered to serve him his plate while my sister served him his drink and then we all sat to eat and chat.
Three or four minutes after that, my FIL asks out loud ”Is no one going to serve me my plate?” and my husband looks at him confused and says ”No, we don’t do that here??” My MIL just gets up in a hurry and takes his plate but my FIL says no and that ”the hostess did it for her father, so she can’t do it for me?” I say ”Yes, my father who has an injured hand, you’re fine.” He says that he won’t eat then and I just shrugged and said that he could starve and I didn’t care.
He leaves with my MIL and while everyone agrees with me, my own father said that it was a disrespectful thing to say and I should apologize for the way I did it. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like “shrug I don’t care if you starve” is a reasonable response to an “I don’t wanna eat this!” tantrum, especially if your father-in-law is older than three years old or so.
If he actually is a toddler, or developmentally delayed such that he has a three-year-old level of cognition, you might have wanted to phrase it a little differently, but if your father-in-law is developmentally twelve years old or older, it’s probably fine.
There were other ways you could have responded, of course. I think my response to “if you don’t personally put food on my plate, I won’t eat” would have been, “okay”; but “that’s nice” and my personal favorite, “how nice for you,” would also have worked.
On the other hand, it would NOT have been okay if you had picked up a steak knife and stabbed his right hand pinning it to the table, and said, “Okay, now your right hand is injured, too, so I will serve you as well.” If you had done that, I think I would have thought you were a jerk.
But what you did was fine.” IanDOsmond
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am tired of people who just allow rude and wrong behavior and chalk it up to “that’s just the way it is” or “they are too old to change.” My in-laws are horrible horrible house guests.
They argue and bicker and yell and expect everyone to serve them when they want it. My wife and I are black sheep because we will have none of it. Let the rest of the family suffer. I have more dignity than that!” NoMouthFilter
Another User Comments:
“Are you kidding me OP? I’m so sorry you even had to ask this question because that means they’ve got your head turned so much around you don’t know what to do. The entitlement that seeps off of your FIL is horrifying and seems like it’s only going to continue.
I applaud you for taking a stand and your husband as well. NTJ by a big margin and I hope this situation gets better, y’all do not deserve that at all and maybe next time y’all have a family gathering I’d make sure there was an empty seat.” Formal_Librarian4401
15. WIBTJ For Not Selling A Property To Help My Brother Out?
“To start I’ll talk about my brother and what he did. He was a real estate agent. I don’t know about all of you but around here they cold call people asking if they are looking to sell their house.
There was an old man who he and his agency had called. The man’s family had a lawyer reach out to say the man was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s Disease to my brother’s agency and a few others around here because of the calls.
Even though my brother knew he kept engaging with the man. He convinced him to sign papers to sell the house anyways and there was other stuff too: fraud, forgery, identity theft, and regular theft beyond the sale of the house.
My brother got caught because there was a power of attorney for the man and it all unraveled because he couldn’t actually consent to the sale. My brother was arrested and convicted and is going to be in prison for a long time now.
I come into this because my dad’s aunt never got married or had kids. In her will, she had 2 properties and she left them to us. One is owned by me and my parents and one by my brother and my parents.
My brother lived in his place alone and when he got arrested, he and my parents sold it to help pay for legal bills because of all the criminal, real estate, and civil lawsuit problems he had. I live on my property with my parents.
When my dad’s aunt died I wasn’t an adult yet but my brother already was. I am 100% aware of how lucky I am especially because the mortgage on it was already paid off.
Now that my brother has been convicted and every consult he and my parents have done says an appeal will fail, my parents want me to agree to sell this property so that we can move closer to the prison my brother is in and so we have finances for him to use to buy stuff from the prison shop while he is there.
I don’t want to sell it because the price of homes where my parents are moving means you would not be able to buy a property outright. Also, I don’t want to move, I have lived here my entire life and all my friends are here and so is my job.
If I sold I would have to find a place to rent. If I don’t agree to sell, they can’t sell without me. They could sell their stake to me which I am willing to do. I spoke with the bank about it and I would qualify for a loan to buy them out.
But my parents don’t like this because it means less finances for them. And only fair market value and not a bidding war. It’s led to fighting because my parents accuse me of not being a supportive sister to my brother.
If they don’t move to visit him they would have to stay in a hotel overnight because of the distance. They have also delayed their own retirements by years and want to start over with a mortgage or to rent because of the move.
If I didn’t agree to sell would it make me a jerk? I love my brother but I don’t like what he did and I think he belongs in prison. I just don’t want to screw myself over because I know I am so lucky to have this property.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, I do real estate and so does my family and absolutely none of that is okay. Your brother’s broker is probably screwed too because of the situation to be honest. His actions are incredibly predatory and you shouldn’t spare any more sympathy than you can help, he’s exactly why the general public hates real estate agents and why the government does its best to protect the elderly.
The market is cooling off anyway; while it is still busy, I wouldn’t expect a bidding war to land them a sale significantly above appraisal value. It may actually be in your best financial interest to get a loan and buy them out, seeing as interest rates are likely going to continue to increase as housing prices stabilize or decrease going into our recession.
The sooner you do it, the better it will be financially for you to mitigate increased interest. Heck, maybe during the downturn you may be able to refinance if housing plummets enough in a few years. It’s not worth the headache of finding a new place right now, take care of yourself and do what is best for you.” J-thorne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This really greatly impacts your livelihood and, frankly, your brother’s actions have consequences.
I think you are being equitable in being willing to buy your parents out.
If you want to be as generous to your parents as you can be, and I do not think you need to do this at all, you could compromise and agree to sell the house but that you will buy something else in the area because your job is here.
You have a sentimental attachment to the house, so this may not be right for you. But, since you are willing to take on a mortgage to buy your parents out, this may be a way to extinguish any shared interest you have in property with your family (i.e. have no reason for future pressure) while maintaining more peace with your family.
I am not saying you should do this, but just saying it may be an option worth evaluating. It is highly dependent on you being able to find another home in the area you can afford and like.” Mooncaller3
Another User Comments:
“Stand firm in your decision to buy your parents out; after all, they are willing to jeopardize your future for your brother by trying to force you to sell your home.
Your brother committed a crime, one he had been warned specifically to back off but he decided to pursue it instead, so now he must pay the price.
I’m not saying your parents are wrong not to want to support him, I’m saying they are wrong for being willing to put you in a disadvantageous position to help him. By accepting your offer (despite the fact they won’t get as much) they should be willing to accept such an offer as it helps YOU just as they had been willing to help your brother.
NTJ.” Repulsive-Nerve5127
14. WIBTJ If I Refused To Offer A Vegetarian Dish At My Wedding For My Brother?
“For background, I have a very complicated relationship with my family (mom, dad, and older brother (OB)) and have always felt second best to my OB. When trying to conceive, my parents had a lot of issues and delays and so when my OB came along it was like a miracle for them.
In comparison, I came exactly when they wanted me. I am in therapy and my fiance says he sees signs of favoritism and my therapist is always very affirming to confirm I’m not just paranoid.
Anyway enough background, I met my now fiance 3.5 years ago and we got engaged earlier this year.
Due to the ADHD, I need to be organized so I have been cracking on with planning. I had originally wanted to elope but my fiance requested a small intimate ceremony as he wants me to have the memories of the day and says it should be celebrated. He is of course right so I agreed to the ceremony and to our surprise our parents are insisting on paying.
The issue is currently with the menu for our three-course wedding breakfast. I have the caterer all arranged and we have been trying to pick menu items as we have family with IBS etc. Plus, both myself and my fiance have a history of issues with food and while we are both better now it does mean us being relaxed and enjoying the food at our wedding is precious.
Two menu options have really jumped out to us as suitable for everyone and that we are both excited about.
The issue is they are chicken and fish dishes. My OB has in the last few months decided he can’t stand the thought of meat and cut a lot from his diet but is still eating eggs, cheese, etc. But at a recent family barbeque, I got a vegetarian tart and bought two different vegetarian sausages so I knew he could enjoy.
However, OB ate the meat ones and has been eating meat at restaurants too.
When discussing the wedding I asked OB whether he would eat either of the mains myself and my fiance had selected. He said no and selected the two vegetarian options as what he would be willing to eat.
He also only likes one canape we chose so I’m now feeling pressure to order an extra canape he can eat which will increase the cost.
The main is currently the bigger issue as my fiance doesn’t feel we should give up an option we feel will suit everyone else attending just because my brother wants a vegetarian choice when he does still eat meat.
Especially as adding a third option would drastically increase costs which we are keeping down out of respect for our parents and I really don’t want my soon-to-be in-laws, who have been very supportive, to have to help foot the increased costs because of my OB.
Would I be the jerk if I didn’t include a vegetarian option on our wedding menu?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone who’s been raised vegetarian, I’d gently advise that you include one or two vegetarian options in your wedding—not for your brother, but for anyone at the wedding who might be vegetarian (assuming they haven’t already reported their dietary restrictions to you).
I always appreciate it when an event has thoughtful enough catering to include several filling vegan/vegetarian options because I’d wither away on sides and salads alone! Including a few dishes without meat is a thoughtful thing to do to ensure all your guests have a good time.
But, in the case of your brother, you’ve already been very accommodating in the past with the tart/sausages. But in that context (and at restaurants) he’s chosen to eat meat, so he should be fine with eating the wedding menu you’ve already chosen.
His ‘vegetarianism’ is probably performative for your family’s attention then, and you have no obligation to accommodate that, especially since you’re paying for catering with your finances.
NTJ, if you didn’t include his specific choices (the canape, etc.). My verdict, though, would be to include at least one vegetarian dish.
I disagree with your fiance: you don’t have to give up your meat choices to include a vegetarian dish. Swap out one of the chicken or fish preparations for a vegetarian option that works within your budget. You don’t have to cater to your brother’s wishes, but you can include it out of courtesy for anyone who might need it.” Major-Masterpiece921
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
Your brother sounds like a piece of work, but yeah, my opinion is that if you invite a vegetarian to your wedding, you need to include a vegetarian option. Even if you feel they are not rigidly adhering to a vegetarian diet.” ImpressionOk1458
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your brother is a flexitarian, meaning he prefers vegetarian food but will occasionally eat meat. I’m flexitarian and don’t mind a little bit of chicken or a good steak once in a while but that’s about it.
Ask the caterer if there’s an extra cost for a single vegetarian plate; if there is, I would tell your parents that if they insist he has that option they pay for it. To be honest, it sounds like he’s being difficult.
If it were me I would be perfectly satisfied with the chicken and the one canapé and wouldn’t think to ask the couple to pay for more food just because I would prefer something else. It’s a wedding, not a restaurant; you’re expected to accommodate restrictions and allergies, not preferences and whims.” Vegetable_Salad86
13. AITJ For Being Upset At My Sister For Announcing Her Pregnancy On My Birthday?
Ouch, there’s a time and a place…
“This occurred about a month ago. My sister texts me asking if we could change plans for my 18th birthday. Mind you, all I wanted to do was get food and see a movie.
She suggested we go to a place closer and see a different movie but the food wasn’t as good and I didn’t care about that movie. I asked why she wanted to change plans all of a sudden and she says it is to spend time with her in-laws.
Her father-in-law was turning 56, so it wasn’t like a huge birthday. Also, her in-laws are always the priority. She spends way more time with them. She shows up late to our family gatherings because they were at the in-laws’ house.
She is rude to all of us if we don’t do exactly what she wants us to do, but acts like the perfect, easy-going daughter-in-law to them. Anyways, I took offense to this because 18, to me, was a big deal and I wanted to celebrate it with my family.
I don’t make big deals about anything, but I just wanted to have a day about me because I don’t get that ever. I told her I took offense to her suggesting that, but she never apologized.
DAY OF BIRTHDAY: We were going to carpool because we were all going to the same place.
In the car, she is telling me I am dramatic, I’m self-centered for being upset, and she still didn’t apologize. We unite with our family in a different car (they were busy in the morning), and I try to enjoy my birthday.
We ate food, went to the movie, and picked up a cake. There were issues with the movie, but in the end, it was okay.
ANNOUNCEMENT: She announces she is pregnant by showing us her ultrasound photos. She is only 10 weeks along.
They do live two hours away, but they didn’t have anything to do the next weekend (in-laws live in the same town as us). My birthday ends with everyone talking about her and her husband. I didn’t know how to react because I felt so isolated. I just didn’t feel supported or excited that I’m 18.
My birthday party was completely overshadowed by them. Not only was my week bad because she wanted it to make it about her in-laws and that made me feel like I was a burden, but she is pregnant too?! Am I the jerk for trying to talk to my family about how it made me feel?
My mother said I shouldn’t feel upset about it because they (mother and sister) are excited about the pregnancy. Nobody understood why I am upset by this, and I should just be happy for my sister.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister is being really selfish. I’m sorry you didn’t feel loved and supported on your 18th birthday, which is a significant milestone. I am trying to cut your mother some slack because I can see how she might be overwhelmed with the news she will be a grandmother but her response to you trying to tell her your feelings wasn’t great.
She basically just said you shouldn’t have those feelings because they’re not compatible with hers. That’s not fair and I can see why you feel isolated and erased.
Unfortunately many times our families of origin are far from perfect.
I don’t think there’s much you can do about this except try to focus on yourself and your future and put a little distance between you and your sister and maybe even the rest of your family.
There are people out there who will make you feel like the most important person in the world when you turn 30.
Go find them.” StompyKitten
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s a jerk. Happy birthday! It sounds like she just asked if you could change plans. She didn’t complain or insist. You could just say no. She doesn’t have to apologize for asking.
If she demanded you changed plans she’d be a jerk. And it sounds like you did all the stuff you wanted for your birthday and she announced at the end? I get you wanted a day for just you but that rarely happens in life.
Like millions of things are happening every second of every day. She could’ve waited to tell. Should probably have waited. But maybe she was excited and wanted to tell the family in person without having to plan another trip to visit?
Like 2 hours there, 2 hours back. That’s 4 hours. Just to say, hey I’m pregnant. I don’t think anyone here is a jerk. Just people being excited about different things. However, if she announced at the beginning of the birthday get-together, then she’s the jerk.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you have to cut her off completely, because your parents will give you a hard time about that, just…stop letting her call the shots. Say no a lot. Does she want to change agreed on plans?
No. Do you just not feel like being in the audience of the Sister Show today? No.
Whether or not your parents choose to see it, she clearly planned this. It’s why she wanted to go to her in-laws.
So now that you know your sister will upstage and undermine you, do what you can to minimize her ability to do that.
If you can’t just blatantly not invite her to your personal celebrations, make it as awkward as possible for her to be there.
Are you going off to college? Make some awesome friends there and plan some ridiculous college student shenanigans for your birthday that a woman with an infant could not possibly be expected to attend.
Let her seek your company rather than taking it for granted.” SaraAmis
12. AITJ For Not Helping My Ex During A Financial Struggle?
“My (21F) ex (21M) has recently complained to me that he has no savings and asked me to backtrack where all his finances went.
For context, he left me about 2.5 months ago after a stable 4-year relationship. I was the one responsible for finances as I had more experience with handling finances.
We still made decisions together and had our own fun pocket change, but most of what was bought was shared so it wasn’t much of an issue. He would send the majority of his income to me and I would pay the bills and do the grocery shopping etc. We always discussed everything and he agreed with the way we did things at the time.
We lived together for a year, and during that time, we had a whole system with our accounts. We had our own personal debts, mine was used for usual monthly spending and his for his fun spending. My savings account hadn’t been taken off of since the creation of it so I had quite some extras for it, so mine was the savings for bigger things like a car or house.
His was newer and had rather frequent use before so his was the one we put extra funds into since I don’t like having too much on my debit myself.
The system worked really well and we were rather careful with our finances, so we were known as the ‘rich friends’ in our friend group.
Around Christmas we started spending a lot on gifts, takeout, and visiting friends, so we had to tap into his savings to pay for the bills and groceries. We tried to be more careful in the months after but it didn’t work and we kept having to use his savings every now and then.
He broke up with me for unrelated reasons about 2 and a half months ago. His rent is lower than mine and he earns more than me so I figured he would be able to easily save up. I did notice he had been spending quite a lot, way more than he did when we were together.
But it’s his life and I have no say in this so I didn’t comment on it. He went to concerts, got a lot of takeout, went out a lot, bought new stuff for his pc, and started with some bad habits again (which he admitted to himself to me).
A few days ago he complained he had no savings anymore and asked me to backtrack where all the finances went all the way to the beginning of living together. It felt like he was trying to get funds out of me from the way he was talking.
He tried to claim that my safety deposit was paid with his finances, but it wasn’t as I had a lot of finances on my debit back then and paid it straight off of that. He claims he is down 6k but I know he never had that much on his account as I always had more in savings (I don’t even have 5k and that didn’t change once from when we started living together).
He tried to claim my deposit as his twice already and I really don’t like how it feels like he is trying to get finances from me even though he knows I’m struggling and wouldn’t have a penny left at the end of the month.
This is my own fault as I’m struggling to get back into living alone and keeping depression under control.
AITJ for not giving him anything?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
To be honest, I guess I am just confused why you are letting him guilt you.
This relationship is over, he ended it. What he has done with his finances since is none of your business and you seem to be aware of that and also a smart individual. If I were you I would send a quick “Your finances are no longer my concern, everything we did together was agreed on and I don’t owe you a dime whether you believe that to be true or not, these messages are harming my mental well-being and this relationship was over months ago.
I will be cutting contact for the future, I wish you all the best” or something along those lines.” Appropriate_Oven_360
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You managed your joint expenses so that you would each contribute to them fairly.
With regard to your individual finances, you saved yours and he spent his on individual, although possibly frivolous, things that he wanted.
Now he wants you to reimburse him for his toys and entertainment expenses.
Just no. He made his choices, those choices resulted in his not having savings, so now if he wants to start saving finances, he’ll have to make different choices.
None of this is your fault.” AntelopeOld8683
Another User Comments:
“No relationship ever ends with both people walking away with exactly equal shares. Life just doesn’t work that way despite what appears to be a very good-faith effort on your part to organize and track.
My previous relationship splits were mixed, in some cases, I walked away better off, and in other cases, I was grateful for keeping the shirt on my back. I hold no ill will towards any of them, it is what it is.
Your ex needs to get over it and move on. NTJ.” Peppermintrose-700
11. AITJ For Leaving Without My Daughter Because She Took A Shower?
“I have a 17f daughter (Cara) and 9m son (Mark.) Cara is back and forth between me and her dad, Mark lives primarily with me.
They do not have the same dad.
I was picking Cara up from her dad’s for the week, she’s autistic and does not drive, I’d asked her repeatedly to be ready when I got there. Cara hadn’t started getting ready and it was 2 hours before she was ready to go.
(Thankfully my ex’s long-term partner is lovely and I enjoy time catching up with her.) Still, I was getting annoyed because we’d gone over this and Cara knew the time I’d be there and when to be ready.
I’d made plans to take the kids to a fun park they like on Saturday and out for ice cream after.
They knew about these plans for over a week. Due to limited people allowed at once, they are asking people to schedule time slots. Ours was from 1:30 pm-3:30 pm. Cara and Mark love arcade games/rides. We needed to leave the house a few minutes after 1 pm at the latest to get there with time to account for traffic and the check-in process.
I tell them to make sure they’re ready to go and we need to be out the door in 5 minutes tops. The next thing I know, the shower is running and Cara is screaming she needs to get a shower first and we can’t leave yet.
This is after I told her repeatedly when we needed to leave by, it was on her reminder calendar as well as our family calendar, so Cara definitely knew. Mark was getting upset and worried about we might miss our outing.
While Cara was in the shower I sent her a text saying Mark and I went on so as not to lose our time slot, plus I’d paid in advance, and I was sorry she could not join us. Cara called me about 50 minutes or so later screaming for me to come back and pick her up so she could have a few minutes of fun, saying I’m an awful mom, I’m unfair, I should have waited, she shouldn’t be punished for getting a shower.
I told her I’m not driving back to get her, it’s unfair to Mark to make him leave early and miss most of his fun time. Cara screamed that she hates me and I love Mark more than her and hung up on me.
When Mark and I were leaving, I tried calling and texting Cara to see if she’d like me to pick her up for ice cream. She did not answer so it ended up being just me and Mark for ice cream.
I did bring Cara back a pint of her favorite to have later.
When I got home, Cara was giving me the silent treatment and being standoffish toward Mark. At midnight Cara came into my room and unloaded on me for leaving her, saying I excluded her, made her feel less, she’d been excited to go today, I didn’t take her needs into consideration, and we don’t go often and I failed to realize how special it was to her and she’s hurt by my actions today.
I told Cara this was not a last-minute plan, we talked about this for over a week, plus I’d set reminders for her and she knew the schedule and that she was expected to manage to get herself ready on time and be prepared to leave on time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re not alone. I have a teen who struggles with executive function and time management. Sometimes this kid has missed things because they didn’t get ready on time. They’ve been bummed out, but they have learned. They have improved with age and effort.
Recently, they have consistently got themself to their weekly theatre workshop on time. This is a major sign of growth for them. So—have hope!
The thing is that missing stuff isn’t enough of a teaching tool by itself.
A therapist may be able to advise on tools and methods. One way that worked for my kid was to provide a broken-down timeline of prep tasks and get the other household on board with making sure the teen gets reminders of when to do the next step.
‘Shower at noon. Dress at 12:30.’ ‘It’s 12:30, are you ready to go?’ This will require the participating adults in both houses to take part, can’t emphasize that enough.
It can feel like you shouldn’t have to do so much for a kid her age, but executive function issues are real and can’t be improved without patient teaching of skills that come easily to other kids.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She isn’t the jerk either.
Is she stressed or something? I am lately. I have autism myself. And it feels like there is something wrong in my head. I’m late for things, not that bad.
Is she trying her best to be on time or does she just not care?
I don’t blame you for doing this. But I hope you understand she’s really hurt. Even tho it’s her own fault. I know how it feels to have problems with yourself.
And doing things all wrong” cornerlane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Taking her needs into consideration doesn’t mean ignoring everyone else’s needs and plans.
She’s talking about being hurt and excluded but is missing that she didn’t get to go because of HER actions.
She was invited. You had paid for her to go. She self-excluded because of her own lateness.
Being time blind means there is a responsibility of the individual to learn coping methods – not to expect they can screw everyone else over.
You left when you had planned, at the time she had known about. As for her hurt – how does she think people feel when she is clearly disrespectful of their time?
Five minutes late is one thing, two hours or fifty minutes is another.
You aren’t unfair. Again, she was invited and you had paid for her ticket.
Hopefully keeping these consequences will eventually pay off and she’ll start to recognize she’s the one treating people badly. This wasn’t punishment.
It was choosing to not let her decision impact you or your other child.” Kettlewise
10. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Future Family Christmas Celebrations?
“I’m 17f. I still live with my parents and my two brothers 16m and 13m. My mom has two older kids. Half-brother 29m and Half-sister 27f.
Mom divorced their dad right after her pregnancy with the youngest was up. They had broken up before Mom even gave birth to their daughter. But things were never easy. She met my dad two years post-divorce and married him after three years together.
They had us and all should have been fine, if not good.
But their dad was not letting my dad or me and my brothers be important to his and my mom’s kids and he used all kinds of parental alienation he could.
It was messy. Mom was awarded full custody after a while, but then he sued again and they wanted to return once they were teenagers. During all this, Mom had them in therapy, family therapy. They were awful to be around.
They did not treat us well and they did not treat Dad well. They would treat us like crap. Calling us names, telling us they wished we had never been born or that their dad would come and make us pay for being born.
Crap like that was so common and then they were gone. They were mostly at their dad’s.
Then a few years ago we started seeing them some more but they still didn’t like us. Neither did their spouses. My half-sister has two kids and we’re not allowed to interact with her kids.
She tells her kids my brothers and I are the mistakes “grandma” made, and my dad is ignored by them entirely.
Every Christmas they spend some time with us and it’s awful. My brothers and I hate it, my dad hates it.
But we have to deal with it for Mom. Dad does so willingly. The rest of us not so much.
Last Christmas was the worst one yet. Mom’s son is expecting a baby with his wife and all the while they were celebrating, we were ignored, and then I heard her kids talk about us being so annoying and in their face simply for being present.
Half sister’s husband made one joke to me the whole time, saying they’d just have to make their Christmas wish that next year none of us would be there and their family could be together. That was about all he said to me the whole time.
I’m just so done. Mom will never let them go. Dad will never want to see her sad. I don’t wanna deal with it. So I told them I am done with family Christmas after they started talking about it a few weeks ago.
That I will not be with them celebrating. That I might only be 17 but they cannot expect me to spend the rest of my holidays being treated like I was a mistake/shouldn’t be here, because I was born, which is not something I can control.
Mom was so upset. Then she told me I had no say. I told them I would stay in my room. But I was not going to hang out with people who despise me and literally wish us all dead, because we all know it’s what they do.
So let me know people, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom needs to wake up and realize that if she continues to allow these people to disrespect you, your brothers, and your father.
She WILL lose EVERYTHING.
She is already losing YOU, and it’s only a matter of time before your brothers stand up for themselves too.
If she “forces” you to participate in that crapshow, make it a living HECK!
Make your mom regret forcing you to participate in that nonsense.
They are rude? Be worse. They are jerks? Be worse. They talk crap? Be worse.
Make things awkward as HECK. Make it so they don’t want to join EVER again, and tell your mom that THAT is EXACTLY what you will do if she doesn’t step up.
She is in a “tough spot”, but she FAILED MASSIVELY.
She should have put an end to that nonsense YEARS ago.
And those loser half-siblings…need to grow the heck up.
29 and 27 and they act like THIS? I feel sorry for their kids…….
NTJ.” QYB1990
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Otherwise, ESH.
Your purportedly adult half-siblings should be utterly and absolutely ashamed of themselves for acting this way. They are the jerks.
Your mother, however, should put her foot down and not tolerate this. I’m assuming she does because she feels they will not come around otherwise.
And I’m assuming this is also why your father tolerates this behavior. It’s reasonable to have them for Christmas, and obviously, she can’t make them want to have a close relationship with you. It is reasonable to demand a certain standard of civility towards her husband and particularly her minor children.
If your mother wants things to get better, she needs to be firm with her other children and their spouses about what is and is not acceptable behavior. If the only attraction of Christmas at your house is seeing just how much your mother will put up with, and just how mean and unreasonable they can be to her family, they may stop coming.
If, however, they actually want to see their mother, the one who obviously loves them and wishes things were different, they might remember to act like civil adults.
I suppose you could start needling back, but that’s obviously not going to make your parents happy, and probably isn’t all that constructive either.” pdeb22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Apparently, your mother has no idea of the nightmare that awaits her or what all is going to happen when the last of her children turn 18, and that is a real shame.
The problem here is that you do not want to be there, and you have every right not to want to be around abusive jerks like that.
And your mother does not seem to understand that this is an issue that can backfire and ruin it for everyone. How would she like it if you or your brother got tired of it and insulted your half-siblings, their children, and their spouses?
Would it be a nice Christmas if the cops were called in for a domestic disturbance?
And how is she going to feel in say 7 years when you and your full-blooded siblings decide that enough is enough and go low contact to no contact with her and not be there for the holidays?
You need to sit down and think and make an exit strategy along with your 2 younger brothers, where there is a plan to turn 18, graduate, and get out of there, supporting each other, and then going LC with your mother.
You could be nice and tell your mother, that as much as she wants this, that when you turn 18, she will not see you when they are not around. And that you are already thinking about your future wedding and who is not going to be invited.” JCWa50
9. AITJ For Lying About Why I Was Away From Work?
Sometimes white lies are necessary.
“When I (33F) was in 4th grade, my parents gave me a kitten, Milo. Milo was my best little buddy in the world. He was the most laidback cat; I used to plop him on my shoulders and walk him around the neighborhood.
He was awesome. Milo passed away this spring at 24 years old. I am SO lucky to have gotten so much time with him.
I do freelance admin/bookkeeping work for a number of small local businesses. The majority of my clients share everything with me remotely but I have 4 clients that still prefer doing things the old-fashioned way and leave it to me to digitize.
Every Tuesday, I make the rounds to drop off/pick up whatever I need from them that week. 3 of these clients didn’t pull their files for me & I would spend 20-30 minutes getting everything together before I could move on to the next place.
No big deal; they’re all older people and it’s not hard for me to do.
In March, when Milo really started going downhill, I became more and more reluctant to spend too much time away from him. He was just so old & frail… I was worried he’d die all alone if I was out for too long so I emailed the 3 applicable clients and asked for a small, short-term accommodation – please stack your files & leave them in this easily grabbed spot.
I didn’t want to come off as a crazy person so I worded it as having a sick family member to care for at home and needed to limit my time away. This was not a lie in my eyes; Milo was family.
I was aware that my wording would lead people to believe it was a human but I did not think it mattered much – in my opinion, I would be within my rights to make this a permanent policy for no reason other than my convenience.
They obliged and Milo passed away in May, at home with me. I let my clients know that they could return to the original system if they wanted. 2/3 kept the new way but one small café went back to leaving it for me to do.
I went to the cafe for this week and the owner’s granddaughter (19ishF) was the MoD. And she had some things to say to me.
I can’t stand this stupid little girl. She is convinced I’m her grandfather’s employee & even when I explain, she thinks I’m lying.
She’ll make comments about how nice it must be to get out of working the register but she’s easy to ignore. Anyway, apparently she found my personal social media & a few posts I had made about Milo’s care/passing.
She dug through the business emails, compared the dates to my posts & guessed that my family member was actually my cat. And then confronted me about it.
I’m weirded the heck out, frankly. The profile was public, sure but who does that?
She’s going to tell my client so I’ll “get fired” and while I doubt anything will come of it, it’s still annoying. I felt totally justified in my choices but I was discussing with a friend and she said that I was dishonest & that she understands why but that I knew I was being deceptive & don’t have the right to be irritated by the consequences.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you may get some blowback from Gramps. Could be an opportunity to tell him that his granddaughter is insufferable to work with and that she treats everyone like crap because she’s related to the owner…I’m willing to bet that you’re not the only person she plays princess with.
When I was in my 20s I worked for a family-owned office furniture company that had about 100 employees. Three generations worked there, and the founder and his three sons were amazing – hard workers, honest, etc. At some point, one of the grandsons started working there, and he treated the business like it was his own.
He was incredibly rude and bossy to people who had worked there for decades, and he was always threatening to fire people for perceived slights. At one point, one of the warehouse guys had enough and went to the owner and told him what was going on.
I’m not exactly sure what the conversation was, but for the next two weeks whenever we looked out the window we could see The Prince – as we called him – cleaning out a massive drain with a shovel.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: You don’t have to explain anything to your clients about why you needed a change in how things were done. You could have simply told them you were changing policy permanently, but you didn’t. You made it temporary because you know it’s hard for them.
I’d talk to your client about their granddaughter in general. Let them know how she treats you and that you will not tolerate it anymore. If she continues to harass you or cyberstalk you they will need to find another bookkeeper.
Sorry for the loss of your pet/family member. And yes, when you’ve had a pet for more than 2 decades it’s a family member.” debdnow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pets are family. You raised him from when he was a kitten and he lived for a very long time.
Heck, even if he didn’t live for that long, you’re still allowed to spend as much time with him in his final days. You’re fully sane to want to be able to say goodbye and be there for him so he doesn’t pass all alone.
Yes, many people have their social media set to public and there’s nothing wrong with that. She stalked you and made a big deal of this because she doesn’t like you. It’s possible that your job wasn’t fully explained to her but that’s not your fault.
I’d reach out to your client and explain your side of things. Chances are that if she’s acted this way towards you, you probably aren’t the first she’s been awful to.
And sorry about Milo. Losing a pet is extremely difficult.” Mellbxo
8. AITJ For Admitting I Don't Care About My Ex And His Wife's Household?
“Ex and I were never married but we share two sons, Cole 9 and Mika 8. Three years ago he met his wife Janessa and 18 months ago they started living together with her kids who are under the age of 10 I believe.
The boys struggled with their dad being serious with someone and I hated that for them, so I put them both into therapy. My ex wasn’t thrilled. His biggest complaint was therapy wasn’t something he believed in. But our court order states either of us can put the kids in therapy as long as the parent who makes the choice pays, provides access to the therapist to the other parent and it doesn’t interfere with the other parent’s schedule.
I take the boys on my time so it was never an issue.
Once they moved in together the boys started to really dislike things, and it only got worse when my ex and Janessa married. They felt like Janessa was trying to take over as their mom which they didn’t like.
There was pressure put on them to call her mom and her kids brother and sister. I don’t know everything, the boys prefer to keep certain things between them and their therapists, but after a while the two therapists raised concerns about the environment at my ex’s house and having no cooperation from him when both tried to speak to him, it was agreed I should try to amend the parenting time he gets.
The judge decided he should go from 50/50 to every other weekend and a dinner every other Wednesday. Ex was not happy. He argued that he could provide them with a two-parent home. The judge said they were engaging in parental alienation by attempting to force the title of mom for his wife.
He also told my ex that he should have cared more about his sons’ well-being and engaged with their therapists.
Ex and Janessa are really unhappy with the new schedule and they have both attempted to complain to me that it was disruptive to their household to have the boys so little and to have more finances taken out of their household.
I do my best not to engage. Janessa is pregnant now and they wanted to have the boys “the weeks leading up to the birth” so they would be present when she has the baby. I said no. I told them it was not in the best interest of the boys.
So they decided to bring it up around Janessa’s daughter, during a moment when the boys were not present, how it impacted their household and how much of a strain is on them. I told them I did not care about their household.
I care about my sons and their best interest. The child heard. My ex and Janessa called me a jerk for saying that in front of her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Who chose to engage in a discussion second-guessing the court order in front of their daughter, them?
Or you?
If they don’t think a potential response is appropriate in front of their daughter, they shouldn’t have raised the issue there.
OP, this isn’t supposed to be an advice forum, but they shouldn’t be insulting you in front of their daughter.
That is another form of “alienation” because the daughter will repeat that to your sons “your mom is a jerk, your dad said so.” You need to document this.
You might also consider reaching out to your lawyer about all the complaints and asking your lawyer how to approach moving to a documented, court-approved co-parenting communication ap like “My Family Wizard” because there is no reason for you to have to listen to their complaints and their insults in a he-said-she-said format.
If he doesn’t think that’s possible without going back to court, ask him if it’s OK to tell your ex you want all communications by text from now on. And keep screenshots if so.
By the way, for the judge to drop from 50/50 to every other weekend and a dinner, there has to have been some inappropriate stuff going down more than “my stepmom wants me to call her mom and her kids bro and sis”.
Possibly “father refuses to discuss concerns with therapists” might do it, but I think there was probably more going on.
Stick to the court-ordered custody plan and continue to document. Date, time, what was said. I don’t think “I don’t care about your household, I care about my sons’ best interest” “You’re a jerk!” is gonna play too well in court.
And I think you will wind up back in court because your ex and Janessa don’t sound as though they have their heads on quite right. Why would they even believe that you should care about disruption to their household or the strain on them in the first place?” DevilSilver
Another User Comments:
“NTA. She is not entitled to the title of mom and your ex has a very unhealthy mindset if he 1: doesn’t believe in therapy 2: Tries to force your boys to call his wife “mom” and their kids their siblings if they are not comfortable doing so.
Your ex and his wife trying to force it instead of backing off and letting the boys feel more comfortable with them naturally is just making things worse and instead of owning up to that they keep doubling down and insisting on continuing.
3: The fact that he brought up that he can provide them a two-parent household is again an unhealthy mindset that his family is automatically better than you because there are two parents in his household which is messed up. 4: They were the ones that brought up the subject in front of their child in hopes of guilting/manipulating you and it backfired. Does it suck that the child heard that?
Yes but that’s on them for trying to use her as a pawn against you. It’s not on you.
The judge made the right decision to limit his time considering how he and his wife are behaving. They are not considering the boys’ feelings at all and are only thinking about themselves and making things convenient for them.” Random-User-00
7. AITJ For Not Going To My Stepsister's Graduation?
“My stepsister graduated almost a week ago. I was never planning to attend. But I am close by. My mom, her husband, and my little brother and sister were meant to be there. That morning both their cars wouldn’t start, then their cab was really late and they made it just after the ceremony had ended. My mom had called when she realized and asked if I would go and “support my sister” at the last minute.
I had said no. Apparently, she was really upset when she realized nobody was there. My stepsister went with one of her friends to graduation and everyone else was supposed to meet her there.
I have a long list of issues with her and have chosen not to treat her like part of my family after none of the issues were resolved in the time we have known each other.
For context, I’m 19 and she’s 18. We have known each other since we were 8 and 9. The last time I spoke to her was when I still lived at home, and I moved out roughly 15 months ago. The last time I saw her was then too.
My mom was kinda upset with me but her husband is LIVID. He said I have always been an amazing big sister to my little brother and sister and I had the chance to be that for his daughter, and to show her that I love her, but I turned it down.
He told me his daughter was heartbroken to have nobody in her family there to witness it. I pointed out how we were never family and how she has made it clear my feelings don’t matter, she can crap all over the death of my dad, and she can try to interfere in my relationships (she told our shared siblings that they had no big sisters and we didn’t love them and it was dumb for them to think differently).
That I was just standing by what I had said before I moved out. That she is not good to me, is actually downright toxic when it comes to me, and therefore I am ceasing to recognize her as part of my family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ on your part. Why should you go to their graduation if she was horribly toxic to you for 10 years?
A huge YTJ on the part of your stepsister and your mom and stepdad. If my stepsister would say something like this about my mom (who is still alive) there would be heck to pay and she would be the one who gets the bill.
Also, where were your parents when she pulled these stunts? It sounds like they just let her do that without interfering. And now they want you to play happy family? If they insist on you being at fault they can screw off just like your stepsister.” nexutus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m sorry that you weren’t allowed to freely grieve your dad’s passing. I hope you have already, or are planning on getting some professional counseling; you deserve to find a way to heal your emotional wounds.
It was their responsibility to be there for your step-sister; not yours. If both their cars didn’t start, they’ve got some serious issues going on that they need to sort out before they start demanding you make up for their irresponsibility.
She’s upset that no one was there, not that, you specifically, weren’t there.
Given what you’ve stated about your relationship with her, I’d say she would have still been upset if it was just you anyway. You don’t need to subject yourself to that abuse.
Your mom has done a poor job of protecting you from this abuse and you need to hold her accountable. By that I just mean, don’t let her off the hook in all this. She had an obligation to look out for you and make sure the transition to your new family life went a lot smoother than it did.
Her poor judgment led her to marry a jerk that appears to have done too little to make things any better.
Keep taking care of yourself, and take pride in all you’ve done to get yourself out of that abusive home.” DonHozy
6. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Friend Use My Hotel Room?
“I (26M) have a friend, Frank (25M). We are part of the same friend group and have been best friends for 7 years. He has always been frugal when it comes to his spending, even though finances are not an issue for him.
The group was 11 of us including dates. The wedding was 5 hours away. We booked our rooms at the same hotel weeks in advance so we could pregame together before and go out after.
Frank told his date about the wedding once and reminded her again the week of the wedding.
She forgot about it and told him she would try to get that Saturday off. Thursday night, she said she would not be coming.
Frank called me and said he wanted to cancel his hotel room since he could no longer split the cost of his room with his date.
Frank asked if he could sleep on the floor in my hotel room and chip in for the cost of the room. I was staying with one of the guys, Blake, who did not have a partner. My date, Mary, is my friend and lives in the same city as the wedding.
She was going back to her house that night and wouldn’t be staying with us. Honestly, I was hoping to find someone at the bars to bring back to the room with me, and Blake was fine with waiting at the hotel bar for a bit.
I didn’t want Frank staying on the floor in my room for obvious reasons. I told Frank no and that he should not cancel his room, but he did anyways.
He ended up bringing a guy friend, Joey, who is not part of the group as his plus one.
Joey lives in a camper and would be driving it to the wedding and camping by the wedding venue, 40 minutes from the hotel and out of town. Joey told Frank that he couldn’t sleep in the camper with him and he would have to sleep in a tent.
Frank called again and asked if they could get ready in my hotel room and if he could sleep on the floor. I said no because he made the choice to cancel his hotel room. He then asked if I could stay at Mary’s house so he could have my hotel room.
I said no. Frank then called Mary and asked if he could shower at her house when they got into town. She said yes but did not extend her house to them for the night since they don’t know each other that well.
We (9 people, not Frank/Joey) met at the hotel. Mary drove 2 people, and the other 6 took an Uber XL to the venue. At the wedding, Frank was standoffish but took photos and danced with us. The venue had no service and there was no way to call an Uber back into town.
We got 6 people in Mary’s car on the way back but we needed to get 3 more back to the city. We asked Joey if he could drive the other 3 back and he said he would if we paid him.
We gave him $50.
We tried to convince Joey and Frank to get a room in town so they could hang out with us for the night but they said no and went to the campsite.
Now Frank refuses to talk to a few of the members of the friend group because he feels slighted by our unwillingness to have him sleep on our floor.
When he is willing to speak he says we “treated him like a dog” and that we should have let him stay.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if he couldn’t foot the bill he should have tried looking for another hotel nearby there must have been a few other options.
Also would camping in a tent just for one night be too much to ask for if he made the decision to cancel his hotel room?” SpeedBlitzX
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk.
Your friend should have taken no as an answer the first time and not canceled his room.
That’s on him.
You want to make your friend wait at the bar while you bring someone back to your room then kick them out so your friend can come back and sleep in the room? That’s legitimately tacky, cheap, and desperate.
If you want to use this outing as a hook-up opportunity, get your own room like a big boy.” Sunshine_butta_bikit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if he wanted to stay in your room he could have split the costs and gone head to toe like a bro.
If finances aren’t the issue, you’re definitely not the jerk. His behavior makes me think he enjoys trying to freeload and is hurt by being called out on it or he actually isn’t as well off as you think.” mu_kid
5. AITJ For Making My Brother Feel Guilty For Keeping His Cat?
“So my (17m) kid brother (10m) recently adopted a new cat that we fostered for a few weeks. My parents decided to get her for him because they had a really special bond and they decided that all of us kids should have our own pet at some point.
I myself have a mini Aussie who’s a little over a year old, so they wanted to be fair about it. My sister (15f) will get her own soon enough.
My problem isn’t the fact that my brother got a cat, I’m completely fine with it so long as she stays out of my room.
This is for two reasons. One, I’m mildly allergic to cats so her fur being all over my stuff will cause breathing problems and skin irritation that I don’t want to deal with. And two, for whatever reason, she still isn’t trained to use the litter box.
No one really knows why, since we’ve fostered kittens and puppies for years. My parents just think that she’s stubborn, but I think my brother has been a bit lazy in trying to train her. Maybe it’s both?
Anyway, she poops and pees all over the house but her favorite spots are always by or in my room for some reason.
She pees in the pantry, which is a walk-in and has no door, and is a good 15 feet away from my room so I can always smell it. She also poops in the corners of my room and pees on my dirty laundry all the time so I’m constantly doing more loads than I need to.
Then my parents will yell at me for wasting detergent and water but every time I try to explain why they brush it off. I was getting really annoyed at this point but I decided to give it a bit more time because I know potty training animals is hard and takes time.
I talked with my brother about keeping my bedroom door shut at all times and working with his cat on using the litter boxes and he agreed.
I thought that would be the end of it so I relaxed a bit, but the other day I came home and found my door wide open and the cat was walking out.
I know I closed my door that morning because I always do when I put my dog up before I leave. I went into my room and could smell the mess but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I spent a good thirty minutes looking before I pulled back my bed and chair and found more messes than I could count.
I cleaned it all up and almost puked at least twice because I have a sensitive stomach and the cat hair was making it harder to breathe. I had to wash my bed linens and disinfect and mop my entire floor, and by the time I was done, my brother had gotten home.
I tried to stay as calm as possible because I know he was only a kid, but I eventually started yelling a bit out of frustration. I told him about all of the messes I just cleaned up and that if he wasn’t going to put the time and effort into caring for his cat then he shouldn’t have kept her.
I reminded him that he signed up for the hard part of owning a pet too and that he should be the one putting in 90% of the care that goes into this cat. He started crying and said that I was a bad person for saying he shouldn’t have kept her, and my sister agrees.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, but I also understand your frustration. You don’t really train a cat to use a litter box, it’s pretty instinctual for them to use one and if they aren’t there’s a reason. They might not like the brand of litter or it might not be kept clean enough, they could have a medical condition or are expressing their unhappiness about something in their environment.
How often does your brother clean the litter box? Do the other animals in the house chase the cat or stress her out? Is it a big house where only 1 litter box might not be enough? How often does your brother/family play with the cat?
Is the cat skittish? Maybe she’s just too scared to seek out her litter box sometimes and instead goes in the next closest/quiet space.” 3*********e
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents shouldn’t have a cat in the house at all if you’re allergic.
You have explained to your brother & your parents how the constant mess in your room needs to stop due to the effect on your health, that brother needs to sort the litter training out (the cat is his, but due to his age, your parents should at least be reinforcing that training), your door is being opened & depending on the type of handle that could easily be the cat itself so you need a lock on your door to keep the cat out of there.
Your brother isn’t being a responsible pet owner & if he’s not going to put the required effort in to train & clean up after the cat then no he shouldn’t have been allowed to keep it, for the cat’s sake if nothing else.” Kindly-Platform-2193
Another User Comments:
“This is a bit confusing. If you’re allergic (mild or not) why does your family foster cats? Is it possible this kitten was messing up your room before your brother “adopted” her? Because that seems like a lot of mess for a kitten.
Not to mention she could have been having problems while you were still in the fostering stage. Seeing as you’ve fostered before you didn’t think to take her to the vet? Possible kidney/urination problems? Seems like something you should do.
Your brother is 10 and you’re almost an adult so yes losing your temper on him was kind of a jerk move especially when you admitted the cat has been hard to train. If she is stubborn that sucks for your brother, who has probably been waiting for his pet since you have one and is now suddenly “lazy” for not training his cat appropriately when there was already evidence this cat is having a hard time.
I’ve had three cats and none of them required any more than setting them in the litter box ONE time. I know every cat is different, but try to convince your family to take the cat to the vet and try to be kinder to your brother.
I am sorry about your room and laundry however, that truly sucks.” fleshpunch
4. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Friend For Sleeping Instead Of Hanging Out With Me?
“About half a year ago I moved out with my best friend from our parents’ houses. We are both autistic and mentally ill, so we’re both a bit odd.
One of my big issues is plans being ruined. I understand if an emergency happens or someone misses their alarm but not when they intentionally mess up. It’s one of my few boundaries, and besides that, I’m rather flexible. My roommate doesn’t have a job and hasn’t for months, he had his partner move in with us without my full permission but this isn’t about that.
My roommate and I haven’t hung out for about a month, and when we have hung out he’s with his partner who absorbs a lot of his time and attention. Personal time together is one of my main love languages so when my roommate came into my room to talk about hanging out the next day I was buzzing with excitement.
He made a whole list of stuff we can do all day after I get off work and it included a lot of my favorite things. I’ve been trying to hang out with him for a while now and he’s either too tired, is asleep, or is hanging out with his partner.
When I got off work I ran into his room and he was asleep. His partner told me they stayed up all night and just went to bed about an hour before I got off work. I was devastated. I went to my room and cried over it for hours.
I told a mutual friend of ours, a stable friend, who is more emotionally and mentally stable than either of us. They became LIVID and arranged for them to sleep over the next day because they wanted to comfort me.
Around midnight, my roommate woke up and asked if I still wanted to hang out. I was like, “Are you serious?” but thought it would be the mature thing to do so we walked around the block with my dog.
Every time I tried to mention I was upset, I was met with “Ok” or silence. I mentioned how plans are one of my only boundaries and my roommate said he didn’t know, which is either a lie or he forgot.
When we got home he offered to make me food, but I was so nauseous being in the same space as him that I denied. I then said goodnight. My roommate asked if I was going to bed and I said no, but I just can’t be around him for a while.
My roommate seemed sad and then I went to my room.
The next day, as soon as my friend and I got into my room and closed the door, my roommate knocked. I opened it and my roommate asked to hang out with us.
I was shocked and just said I need more time. He understood and went back to his room. This was a few days ago. I asked to talk today because I just keep feeling worse, and he told me he had some serious emotional issues going on with a relative and he couldn’t deal with this right now, which made me feel worse and really guilty.
Especially since I finally gave my friend permission to confront my roommate, something they’ve been wanting to do for months. My friend messaged him and he said he can’t do this today and to leave him alone and that this is a boundary.
We both feel pretty bad. I don’t know what to do at this point because we’re both suffering right now and it sucks not being able to support each other. AITJ? What do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – this is a very unhealthy dynamic where you are simultaneously missing each other and making each other completely miserable.
I understand your mental health prevents you from seeing the larger picture, however, you escalated a small situation where your friend did the wrong thing, into a massive Cold War that resulted in both of you being unfair and stubborn.
Also, it’s not appropriate for you to have a third, unrelated person go to bat for you with your roommate. Fight your own corner. Also, you told your roommate to leave you alone, that you weren’t ready to talk, but you then ignored him when he said the same thing and had your friend message him after he told you he could not deal with you or the situation right then.
I think you’re the jerk, unfortunately.” Angelblade92
Another User Comments:
“To be honest, this doesn’t sound like the healthiest living situation. It shouldn’t be that hard for roommates to hang out together. You are each falling back on mental health issues as the reason you can’t… whether these issues are legit excuses or not doesn’t really matter as what is concerning is the fact that you keep throwing them at each other instead of helping each other out.
Your roommate should have kept your original plans, so they’re a jerk. But I feel this was a way more forgivable offense than you seem to, so you’re a bit of a jerk as well for escalating the matter. ESH.” JeepersCreepers74
3. AITJ For Exposing My Sister's Secret Relationship?
“For context, my (20M) sister, Zo, (15F) has always been the golden child. I, on the other hand, was not. I always got yelled at for everything as a kid, especially when it came to her.
She was really sensitive when she moved in with us (having lived with my aunt and uncle until she was 6 due to my parents not being able to support two kids) and cried at nearly everything. Got her the wrong snack?
Cried and told Dad. Put one cube too much ice in her water? Cried and told Dad. I hold a bit of a grudge cus I feel like I had to grow up too fast because of her. Things have gotten better as we grew up, both parents apologizing to me for everything and her toughening up, but we still don’t enjoy each other.
On to the story, Zo has had a ‘friend,’ Elle (16F), come over to our house (I still live with my parents) a lot recently. Elle and Zo have hung out at least a dozen times in the past month and slept over 3 times, the most recent (unknown to me at the time) being last night at our house.
(Zo’s school got canceled for today and yesterday due to electrical issues.)
So, imagine my surprise when I came into Zo’s room (not knocking) this morning to ask if she wanted eggs and found two figures sleeping in her bed.
I quickly assume she snuck a boy in. I know I really should’ve known better but Elle has a very boyish frame and haircut and usually, they sleep separately at sleepovers. They also were in an intimate position, cuddling in a nonplatonic way.
I was able to get out before either awoke.
Here’s where I admit I did a jerk move. After a bit, I woke up my mom and told her Zo had snuck a boy in. My mom, forgetting Elle slept over, bursts into my sister’s room, and we both walk in on something we weren’t meant to see.
Zo and Elle locking lips.
They break away when we walk in, but I know that both my Mom and I already saw it. I’ll clarify that both were fully clothed and the kiss was chaste. I don’t care whether anyone likes anyone, but I know for a fact my mother does.
Mom tells Elle to head home, which Zo makes her do. Then the fun began.
My mom and later dad yell at Zo for /hours/. I know a better person would have helped but a part of me saw it as revenge for years of being scolded because of her.
My parents go out to cool down and I apologize to Zo for not knocking. She doesn’t respond.
So I jokingly say, “Not the little golden child anymore.”
She says that I’m a bad brother and a mistake, which escalates to a little argument when I tell her that I had it worse and to toughen up.
We exchanged some harsh words before she kicks me out of her room. She’s currently at my aunt and uncle’s while my parents figure out what to do.
My parents think I did the right thing, but I talked to my partner and a couple of my friends about this, and most of my friends agree that my only jerk move was not knocking, but my girl says that I’m a huge jerk for how I talked to Zo afterward.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The golden child who was abandoned by her parents for the first six years of her life and dumped off to relatives. The golden child who had her entire life uprooted at the very young age of six.
You wouldn’t even begin to know the definition of golden child. Your girl is right. You are 100% the jerk.” TheOneAndOnlyJoey
Another User Comments:
“Your entire post, from beginning to end, reeks of nothing but bitter resentment and pettiness. Even if we were to work off of the assumption that you genuinely believed your sister had snuck a boy into her room, the fact that you took such gross delight in watching Zo get scolded, not even for something petty like forgetting to do her chores or getting into trouble at school, but for kissing a girl, is absolutely appalling.
You should honestly be ashamed and disgusted with yourself. Seriously. You’re a 20-year-old man who is jealous and spiteful of a 15-year-old girl. Let that sink in for a minute.
While I can agree that your parents did not treat you fairly when they should have, that in no way is your sister’s fault.
She didn’t ask for them to treat her that way; they made that decision themselves, likely to try and make up for the fact that they essentially pawned her off when she was a baby. If you want to be upset with someone, yell at your parents.
Blame them. But don’t you dare try and blame a teenage girl who was all but abandoned by the lot of you.” Phoenixflame3009
Another User Comments:
“Oh dear. Well, I will get it out of the way. YTJ and an all-around crappy person.
You’re upset with the child for being the favorite when it’s your parents who were the problem treating their kids differently. You, however, an adult, can’t seem to understand this. You didn’t accidentally invade her privacy you just did.
It’s not like you fell into the door and it opened you just went in. While I will not judge too much on you ratting out your sister for having someone over and doing things in the house she wasn’t supposed to (personally, I think you’re a jerk for that, but there’s a respect factor on multiple fronts here).
Your joke wasn’t a joke. You just outed your sister and her parents tore into her for it. I don’t know what was said, but it wasn’t good. Your crappy joke just made you a party to everything your parents said.
Let’s be honest it wasn’t a joke it was hateful. You’re a hateful person. This will be how she remembers you for the rest of her life and I hope you don’t recover from it and come to regret it.
What a garbage person move out of your parents’ house and learn what it’s like to be a decent person.” Braumen2771
2. WIBTJ If I Told My Coworker I Can't Give Her Rides To Work Anymore?
At some point, you have to set boundaries.
“My coworker was hired a month or 2 ago at a job that I take very seriously. I need to be there at 8 am and leave at 4:30 pm most days. I normally arrive at work 10-15 mins early because I like to get coffee and settle in at my desk to get ready for the day.
I have been let go or fired from previous jobs due to my attendance and I finally got a hold of that problem about a year ago. I recently moved to a better place 20-30mins away, instead of 10mins away from my job.
I started taking her to work a month or so ago and have been late several times because she is not ready when I get to her place to pick her up. I have told her for the past few weeks to be downstairs and ready in her apartment between 7:20-7:30 so we can leave on time, but she keeps running late which causes me to be late.
This is risking a job that I have a lot of investment in, because of the team I work with and the pay I get.
I told her today that she needs to be ready at 7:30 and if she is not downstairs and getting in the car at 7:30 I need to leave.
When she got in the car, she blew up on me, told me I am being unreasonable, said that since she is not ready she is going to have migraines all week, and doesn’t understand why I can’t wait 5 minutes for her.
I told her I was too anxious to discuss it at that moment and we will talk about it later.
I tried to explain to her that I get anxious and stressed out when I arrive at 8 am exactly because I don’t have enough time to settle in, but it doesn’t seem like she respects that.
When I told her she was not respecting me or my car, she turned it around on me and said I was not respecting that she needs to be fully ready. It felt like she was gaslighting me saying I am never ready on time and am always late when I get there by 7:30 every day.
She kept on saying “what if I am running late by x mins? Will you leave me?”
It ended up with a back and forth where I told her I will be at her place around 7:20-7:30 and if she isn’t there I need to leave.
She finally said “I will be there at 7:30” with HECKA attitude.
I feel like the jerk for setting this boundary, but this is my livelihood. Everyone around me is telling me to just tell her I can’t give her rides anymore, but it’s hard for me since we live 5 minutes away from each other and I want to help her.
Logically it makes sense to give her rides since we are so close to each other, but now it is becoming an issue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At this stage, she is letting you know, she does not care if you are late to work or not.
She is NOT the one doing you a favor. You are definitely doing her the favor. It is your car, and you get to decide at what time you pick her up.
I say, if she complains one more time, tell her driving her to work is not working for you anymore.
That you will not be disrespected because you like to be at work 15 minutes early.
OP I had an arrangement with someone who lived down the street from me, so 1-minute drive to my house. We share petrol and I asked him what time he wanted me to be ready.
He said 7:45 am and at that time, I was sitting on an armchair, by the window, fully ready. When I saw his car drive past the window, I got up and was coming out the front door, as he was pulling up the driveway.
She complains that she is not fully ready and causes her issues. Well, all she has to do is get up earlier, so she is not late getting out of her house. If she complains about getting up earlier, tell her, if you did not drive her, she would have to get up even EARLIER to use public transport.
People should always be grateful for being given a ride to work.” KarenMaca
Another User Comments:
“As someone who might not be as invested in their company and position, it may be difficult to understand your fixation with being there on time – especially since many consider the first 5-15 minutes of their workday as time to settle in.
I’m not saying you’re unreasonable, but it may be difficult to imagine for her. Why don’t you grab a coffee with her during lunch or after work, and explain to her that just as she takes extra time to get ready to prevent her migraines, you get there a little early to help with your anxiety, that you’re not just going early because you’re a stickler (not that that would be wrong) or because you want to stress her, but because it’s important to you, and if she can’t accept and accommodate that, then you can’t offer her a ride anymore.
NTJ.” Quakiquack
1. AITJ For Blaming My Mother-In-Law For Ruining Our Wedding?
She’s one of THOSE mothers-in-law.
“My (f29) husband (m30) and I recently got married in Paris. It was a huge wedding with over 60 people attending. I’ve never been on good terms with my MIL and if it were my choice wouldn’t have had her at the wedding but I put our differences aside for my husband and invited her.
Everything was fine after I sent the invitations out until I got a text from my mil asking if any children would be attending the wedding. I, of course, said yes as I have a son (6) from a previous relationship who loves my husband as if he were his dad.
This was a huge problem for my mil and demanded that I hire a babysitter for my son as he isn’t even my husband’s real son. My b***d was boiling at this point but I kept my cool for my husband and explained calmly that it is my wedding and I would like my son to be there.
After some back-and-forth words, she finally agreed.
After that one little argument, everything was great and we had a few days to go to the wedding. It was stressful getting everyone to the airport and into hotels but it all went smoothly enough.
We all got to the hotels and mil insisted that she would share a room with me, my husband, and my son. Both my husband and I told her that we wanted some alone time with OUR son before the wedding when we won’t be able to pay him much attention so mil should just share a room with my sil.
She walked away angrily.
After that, I thought mil would lay back on the arguing to not cause me any stress or problems for the wedding but just a day before my wedding she started kicking off again. Saying how she should’ve been my maid of honor, I don’t get where this came from as she knew she wasn’t the maid of honor from the start.
I didn’t want to argue, so I just walked away. And then finally the day of the wedding came, the ceremony went perfectly and it was amazing truly the best day of my life.
Until the after-party where everyone just had drinks and had fun without a care in the world.
It was time for me and my husband’s dance to my choice of song. We were halfway through dancing when I hear a loud booing from a person in the crowd, and of course, it was mil. She stood up and started shouting, “You have taken my boy away from me, he will never love you as much as he loved me.
A boy’s mom should be the only woman he should ever love.” I turned to look at her. She finished with, “You will never be good enough for my son.” That’s when I lost it and got up in her face shouting, “You have done nothing but ruin everything for me!
You ruined the days leading up to the wedding and the day of my wedding, and I will never accept you as my mil!” She started to cry and ran out of the church. The rest of the night was very awkward and everyone went home early.
All of my family is calling me a jerk, but my sil and husband agree with me.
So tell me: did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just described my grandma’s relationship with my mother. Grandma passed away some years back now but she made my mother’s life heck from before the wedding to the day she died. A strong piece of advice.
Never let her move in with you. Not for 5 minutes. She will never leave and you will be lucky if she doesn’t ruin your marriage.
I will also say kudos to your husband for having your back on this. He may not have stood up to his mom but the fact that he supports your response is bigger than you know.
Hopefully that continues. If he’s really on your side, hopefully, he will decrease his amount of contact with his mother. Also be warned that if you leave your son alone with her too long or too often, she will attempt to turn him against you as well.” Minigoalqueen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! She wanted a reaction out of you that would make you look bad and was probably hoping her “baby boy” would leave you after seeing how “horrible” you really are. What she wasn’t expecting was instead of getting the reaction she wanted, both her “baby boy” and daughter sided with you and not her.
A couple of questions though. Did you tell your family how she acted before the wedding? Not wanting your son to attend because he’s not your husband’s son (which btw is disgusting). Getting mad that she wouldn’t be staying in y’all’s hotel room.
And being insulted that she wasn’t made MOH. Smart choice on that one btw.
If you haven’t I would sit them down and explain how nasty MIL had been and that ruining your first dance with your husband was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
If you have and they still think you’re the jerk, maybe it’s time to go LC or NC with your family as well as MIL for a while. You have a new family to enjoy and dealing with nonsense from either side of the family isn’t what you need at the moment.
Enjoy your family hon. Personally, I think you did great and I would have done the same.” stripeymouse3050
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! for lowering yourself to her level.
A much better response would have been ignoring her completely and having your husband deal with her.
His mother, his problem to deal with. From now on, DO NOT get involved with her in any capacity. No vacations, no holidays, no visits. No interactions of any kind. Leave your husband to deal with her entirely. It’s his sole responsibility to get her under control.
Not yours.
If she phones you, don’t answer the call or block her number. Block her on all social media you have. She confronts you in person, walk away. Do not, under any circumstances lose your cool around her no matter the provocation.
You need to get yourself under control. Your lack of reaction will drive her insane and she will end up earning herself a restraining order, but you need to keep your cool at all times. Never, ever let your temper get the better of you.
She is your husband’s responsibility to deal with in ALL matters. Not yours.
I also highly recommend, if you don’t already, installing a solid security system along with cameras with sound all around your property. Some crazy MILs are known to break into homes and destroy the spouse’s property whom they hate so much.
Which, judging by your description of her, I wouldn’t put it past her trying to do.
Do not be uncivilized like her. The ultimate aim is to get her to change her behavior or get a restraining order against her, by you being completely under control at all times around her no matter how badly she provokes you.
She needs to have other people around her, not you, showing her that her behaviors and attitudes are totally unacceptable. The only way this will happen is when you do not respond to her in any negative way at all.
Let her wreck and isolate herself by you doing absolutely nothing.
If the frustrations of her behavior get too much for you, go someplace out of everyone’s earshot and scream your lungs out until you are hoarse.
Insist on your husband dealing with her in all things.
She’s his responsibility.” Thisisnotalibrary97
