People Plead For Us To Speak Our Minds About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
20. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner For Being Late To Work?
“My (23M) partner (22F) recently lost her job as a chef at a higher-end restaurant because of reasons unknown.
She told me that her higher-ups were corrupt and we were looking to get her out of being one of the only other female chefs in the building.
I don’t know too much about that story I just know she got fired, I paid her rent for her because she was unable to pay after being fired and we both started looking for a new job for her.
We end up finding a job where she can make $18 an hour working at a warehouse that’s closer to home.
Fast forward to today only maybe three or four weeks since getting the job – I am home from work during the week which is rare so I decided to take her to work because of the snow and bad weather.
her alarm goes off probably around 740 and she decides she wants to lay in bed until 815.
She has to be at work at 8 so I start expressing my concern about her being late to work and she tries to tell me ‘Oh it’s fine her boss likes her and she could be late.
It doesn’t matter to me.’ This is very disrespectful because being late is typically a way that you can get fired and she’s OK being late after I had just paid for her rent after she got fired once already, so I find it disrespectful that she would be OK being late and possibly risking her job.
Especially just after losing one.
So we get into an argument that turns into some yelling and she gets upset saying I shouldn’t even care and it’s her life and her decisions and that I don’t need to worry about it. She then starts getting upset and crying because I told her to get her head on straight, she started making me feel bad for caring so much when I really just don’t want her to have to struggle to find another job but it does bother me that she’s willing to risk one job already after maybe three weeks of working there.
It just makes me feel like she believes I’m just somebody to fall back on it and she can just do whatever. She feels as though I am rubbing it in that I paid her rent but in reality, I’m hurt because she’s risking her job right in front of my eyes after just losing her job and I have heaving to keep her afloat.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. A couple of points here, one, it doesn’t matter if her boss likes her, she shouldn’t be showing up 45 min late. If she’s doing that now she’s likely done it before and that’s probably what got her fired in the first place.
Two, relationships are partnerships and you’re supposed to make each other better. Your concern is warranted and she should be happy she has someone who cares enough to try to push her. I’ve dated people who couldn’t care less what I do and those relationships generally turn out poorly.
You may have delivered the message in a less-than-ideal way (yelling) BUT the message is the same nonetheless. I would sit her down and talk to her and say exactly what you said here. You care about her and don’t want her to struggle.” affluent_krunch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your partner needs therapy and help. You, as her partner, aren’t expected or equipped to handle it.
Being irresponsible because ‘there’s no way’ a boss will fire her is… Well, irresponsible in the extreme.
1 month into a new job is very far away from having a solid read on the team and unspoken rules.
Your partner might have a very different standard for ‘adult responsibility’ from you. It’s important to consider whether or not that’s a fundamental difference.
But I’d see if she is open to getting help. Losing a job suddenly can have similar effects to losing a loved one – and grief makes us do weird stuff.
Hopefully, it’s just that, and processing her firing will help her regain a sense of responsibility.
But in case she doesn’t, don’t feel bad. It’s her own fault for being irresponsible. She is an adult, as much as she’s not acting like one. She’s responsible for her own success and her failures.” shinynewcharrcar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for caring. She made her employment your problem when you had to cover her rent. Don’t do it again. Frankly, the whole corrupt last job thing doesn’t track. I am not sure I would be able to trust her.
She needs to behave like an adult. I will say it is bad to shout. Depending on the shouting situation you could be the jerk. But if I’m being fair, I would start shouting too if I just spent my savings bailing out a person who can’t be bothered to show up on time for their job when they only just got it and they told me it’s not my business.
Like if I’m your fallback it’s my business. If it weren’t my business I would say the relationship is over… I’m not investing time and emotion in someone who wastes my funds and disrespects my efforts to be a good partner.” ASlightHiccup
19. AITJ For Being Sad That I Won't Be Seeing My Grandson On Christmas?
“I (46F) have been having problems with my daughter Sara (24).
It began when she eloped with her husband three years ago, I and my husband were really sad that we couldn’t see her get married or even know about it until it was over. We were sad but got over it, it was her day and if she didn’t want anyone there then that was that.
We talk on the phone or met up at least every week so it was a huge surprise.
Then they moved down two states, it would be a trip to visit so we still talk on the phone more instead of visits. So for holidays, we would visit or they would visit.
This year at Thanksgiving she brought a surprise, her son Dave (1 month). I didn’t even know she was pregnant, we talked all the time and nothing. Again was sad we missed such a large milestone in her life but didn’t say anything. We were happy to meet the grandbaby.
I called today to ask about what they wanted me to bring out for the baby for the Christmas visit, the old baby bed, and whatnot. Sara told me that they will not be coming up for Christmas, I asked if we were going down this year.
She said no that was just nuclear family for Dave’s first Christmas. I asked if we could facetime Christmas morning or that day to see Dave and their tree and she said no. After that conversation, I talked to my husband.
We are both sad again and tired of missing milestones in Sara’s life, I sent Sara a text that I and her dad are going to take a step back.
(Low contact). She called and asked what this was about, I told her and it broke into an argument. That it is her life and that she can do what she wants with her kid and so on. I told her she clearly doesn’t want us involved in her life and we are stepping out for now.
She called me a jerk.
So AITJ here? I need a second opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter doesn’t let you know about things that are important life events even though you talk all the time. Her reason for eloping makes sense, but not telling you she was pregnant and claiming she thought she did doesn’t make sense at all.
And her reaction to you telling her you’re going to back off from contacting her as much makes no sense either since she doesn’t tell you what’s really going on (pregnancy) and won’t even FaceTime you Christmas morning.
It’s normal you would be hurt and confused by it all and would not contact her as much when it appears that’s what she wants.
Unless her husband is controlling and/or abusive, but without some hint from her, you have no way of knowing that and assuming it could damage what relationship you have left.” leggyblond1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I personally don’t care how your relationship was prior during or after any of this as it doesn’t matter.
Your daughter has the right to not include you in a major milestone of her life if she chooses to keep them from you. I’m so sorry but that’s her choice.
Similarly I 100% respect your choice to step back/go low contact with your daughter because her actions are causing you harm and making you feel uncomfortable/bad.
Your daughter is an adult and does not need your help as demonstrated by doing these major life steps on her own. She does not have the right to demand that you have to be there for the exact amount of time she chooses. That is a mutual decision made between people.
If you want to go low contact, you do so.
I hope you and your daughter find your way to a better footing with each other and I hope your holidays are still enjoyable even without the family you’d like to have present.” M_Viv_Van_Buren
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she keeps keeping big milestone moments out of knowledge from you guys, and I think it’s pretty reasonable to be upset about not knowing your daughter had a baby. Sure, your daughter is allowed to make the choices like moving away, not telling you she got eloped, not telling you about her baby, etc. But she needs to understand that all of our choices will have consequences, whether they be good or bad.
You’re completely within your rights to start talking less with your daughter, and if what you are telling us is true and that she had no reason to keep quiet continuously, then yeah I don’t blame you for being upset. She doesn’t get to call you a jerk just because you made a choice after she made hers, she decided to no longer tell you about important life moments, and you decided that you wanted to go low contact due to this.
You are not in the wrong here.” Striking_Ad_6573
18. AITJ For Not Cleaning My Workmate's Tupperware?
“I (35M) have a coworker (28F) who likes to bake stuff and sometimes brings her baking into work. A few months ago, I told her about some new cookies I had discovered that I was nuts about and she agreed to make me some.
When she gave me the cookies, she told me to give back the Tupperware after because it was ‘good Tupperware.’
I ate the cookies in my office over the next couple of days. When I finished the last cookie, I noticed she was still in her office and hadn’t left for the evening. So I knocked, went in, complimented her and told her thank you for the cookies, handed her the Tupperware back as she asked, and left for the day.
The next day, she seemed kinda mad and made a comment to me about ‘You could’ve done the courteous thing.’ I didn’t really get what she was on about.
I confronted her about her comment, and she said that it was rude not to clean or wash the Tupperware before giving it back and that when someone lends you their dishes it’s common sense to clean it before returning it.
She also said that from now on, when she bakes me stuff she’s only giving me it on paper plates.
She never mentioned it again, but every time she baked me stuff after that, she kept giving it to me wrapped on paper plates, which made it hard to store the stuff in my office, and felt pretty passive-aggressive.
Eventually, I told her enough was enough and to just stop baking me stuff if she was going to keep shaming and singling me out for ONE mistake. She seemed kinda offended but said okay and did stop baking me stuff.
We get along okay still but we’re not as close and chatty as we used to be.
I wish I’d done something different in the beginning, but I didn’t know about the Tupperware rule! She didn’t say to clean it, just to give it back which I did. I feel like she was unnecessarily passive-aggressive and aggravated the situation.
She didn’t need to rub it in and give me stuff only on paper plates, and now everyone else gets baked goods besides me and it kind of sucks.
However, I recently told my friend about this and he says I’m a jerk.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It is an unspoken rule that you should clean someone’s dishes before returning them (sometimes it’s even better if you make them something to put in the Tupperware when you return it!). I don’t think she was being passive-aggressive by giving you paper plates – if it was too much of a hassle for you to take the Tupperware home to wash it, paper plates would be easier.
Plus, she continued to bake stuff for you regardless, yet you chose to make it an issue.” Remi_niscence3301
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and an ungrateful at that. It is common courtesy to wash a container you are giving back, regardless of if it is any effort for the recipient to wash or not.
Also, she continued baking you goodies, you could have brought your own container to put them into. Instead, you threw a tantrum and even felt offended because she gave them to you on a paper plate. She was not passive-aggressive, she warned you well in advance.
You scolding her for giving you free baked goodies on a paper plate and essentially telling her to ‘stop baking unless she packages it for you better’ was a major jerk move… you should apologize if this friendship has any worth to you.” Judgmental_puffer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ not for the Tupperware thing but how you handled it.
Not washing the Tupperware? Fair, honest mistake. She gave them to you in-office, they stayed in the office, there are not many places to wash dishes in the office, and cookie crumbs aren’t all that messy, especially in a sealed Tupperware.
HOWEVER, your interpretation of the paper plates as ‘passive-aggressive’ is an assumption on your part when it could have just been an honest solution for her. Plus, she still continued to bake you things, so obviously she couldn’t have been that mad about it. So you got mad over something you perceived as a slight and instead of doing the reasonable thing and just talking to her about why you felt this way, you jumped to conclusions and told her to stop baking you things altogether.
Now, you feel upset because everyone else gets baked goods and you don’t, but you’re the one who told her to stop baking you goods. She’s respecting your wishes.” lilac_insomniac2
17. AITJ For Not Wanting Garlic In My Food?
“So I (18F) just got back from college for winter break and this situation happened so I want to know if I am in the wrong. My and my parents do not get along, I was a good kid and got good grades but we started fighting a lot when I was in high school.
Long story short I went to a college four states away to get away from my family. My sister (15) was the one to suggest it.
Anyways I have been back for about a week now and my mom makes this extremely good chicken pot pie, it basically takes all day to make and it is one of my favorite meals.
I hate garlic, I don’t know why but I refuse to eat anything if I can smell it in the food. My mom is making the chicken pot pie and I walked into the kitchen and could smell the garlic. I made the comment, wow gone for a few months and you forgot a hate garlic.
She just said wow, it’s like you don’t cook and don’t know what is in your food, the pasta I made two days ago had garlic and you loved that. This started an argument, I was mad that she could hold off on the garlic when I am here and that she tricked me into eating it.
The argument continues and she called me a brat that can cook her own food from now on. My sister heard the whole thing and basically said I am a jerk and that I am the problem in the house, not our parents
So AITJ or problem?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You need to grow up and stop being picky. Clearly, you have no issues with garlic because you’ve eaten and enjoyed food made with garlic. Your favorite meal, the chicken pot pie, has seemingly always been made with garlic, so why is it only now an issue?
You’re being argumentative for no reason. Your mother did not ‘trick’ you into eating garlic, nor has she been ‘tricking’ you your entire life. You are most definitely the problem here, not them.” Remi_niscence3301
Another User Comments:
“Dude. YTJ. Pretty much guarantee her recipe has had garlic in it the entire time you lived at home and you just never noticed because you couldn’t smell it in the food.
(Since it seems ‘smell’ is your trigger for hating it rather than ‘taste.’). If you don’t like what she cooked then you’re a grown adult. Buy some groceries and make your own meals. She made supper and you acted like an entitled, spoiled brat because you don’t like how she made it.
Thankfully the cure for most teenage jerk behavior is the time since mine came back from college after their freshman year with a much-improved attitude over how they were when they left. We were happy to see their moody butts go when college started and ecstatic to get back to reasonable adults after their freshman year ended. Here’s hoping you experience the same growth this year by end of 2nd semester.” jenibella
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, grow up, you sound like a toddler. She’s right you didn’t even taste it in the pasta and barely complaining now because you’re seeing the garlic (she probably always made it with garlic) – it’s just a mental barrier thing with you.
Cook yourself something if you’re going to be so ungrateful and stop feeling so entitled to expect everyone to accommodate all your likes and dislikes regardless of what they all enjoy… You sound insufferable and I bet your mom can’t wait until you go back to school, it’s probably been a lovely break not having to deal with your bratty attitude.
Your mom is slaving away in the kitchen all day making chicken pot pies from scratch and the first thing you do when you walk in is start complaining about her using one of the most basic and widely used ingredients for cooking. Next thing we’ll hear is how badly she wronged you for putting a little salt and pepper on your eggs.” User
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Niece Borrow My Phone?
“We had to go two hours earlier to the café to reserve seats for watching the game and I felt sorry for my little niece (8F) just sitting there not having anything to do. I gave her my phone so she can play games or watch some youtube to pass the time.
When the game started though, I took back my phone from her because it’s fun to keep watching over the Reddit/Twitter threads and how messy things get in there. Anyway, it was part of the fun and my niece was also fascinated by the game when it started and gave me back my phone smoothly.
(If you ever tried to take something away after you’ve given it to a kid then you know ‘smoothly’ isn’t easy to come by.)
30 minutes into the game, my niece is getting bored and started clamoring to have the phone back. I told her no and that I was doing something very important.
She reluctantly dropped it.
5 minutes later, my niece asks for it again and I still say no and a few minutes later she starts crying. She goes to my brother and sister-in-law’s table and cries about the phone. My sister-in-law comes over and asks me if I could give it to her just until the game ends because they already gave both their phones to their two other children.
I told her sorry I’m using it, I’ll give her my notebook and a pen so she can doodle on it.
I thought that was the end of the matter but my brother also came over and said she didn’t want to doodle and was throwing a temper tantrum and if I could just give her the phone.
I told him that I was really using it and he said what are you using it for. I told him how it was part of the fun of watching the game to also participate in those threads and he said dude just give her the phone you can do that later the game is only now.
I still said no and he was annoyed and went back.
A few minutes later, my niece comes over to me and says I’m mad at you, I tell her okay I know and hug her to my lap and she strangely stays quiet for the remainder of the game.
After the game was finished and the celebrations were over, the kids were all fast asleep in the car but my brother was still mad about me not giving him the phone. We parted with an argument and it just left a bad taste in my mouth.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your niece is old enough to learn that she has no entitlement to other people’s property and that No is a complete sentence. Obviously, your jerk brother isn’t teaching her this lesson, which is why you had this issue, to begin with.
She was obviously satisfied just to have some adult attention, probably all she wanted in the first place. You could try suggesting that to your bother, but it likely won’t do any good.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother needs to step up and parent his children.
Most kids in my family are perfectly fine in a public place. One pair is terrible because their mother and father can’t agree on how to parent, so the brats run wild. Your nephews and niece are desperate for good parenting, and bullying their aunt into giving up her phone isn’t good parenting.
Also, you don’t NEED a reason for saying no. It’s your phone. You can be doing anything on it; it doesn’t matter what you were doing. It’s none of his business because it isn’t his phone. Your brother is entitled af, and it shows in his kids.” NemoOfConsequence
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your niece’s parents are… instead of berating you for making a choice about your own equipment you pay for they should focus on disciplining their children and teaching them how to behave. They could take parenting classes to help get tips on how to entertain children whilst out of the home.
You did nothing wrong, your SIL and Bro were both extremely rude and had no right to question, dismiss and demand you do anything… this situation was a parenting issue. The fact some parents like to tell everyone else but their own children what to do and how and blame everyone else for their child’s undesirable behavior is crazy.” A************1
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Eat Meat On Christmas Eve Dinner?
“Both I and my partner live abroad and can’t come to our homes for Christmas. We decided to celebrate it together and I wanted to celebrate it in the traditional for my country way because I’m sad I can’t be with my family. It’s my favorite holiday and is very important to me.
He doesn’t really care about Christmas though and doesn’t have some strict traditions.
In my country we don’t eat meat on Christmas eve, it’s a tradition and we always followed it in my home. There’s plenty of food though that is amazing and filling. You can’t even feel like it’s lacking meat.
He comes from a different country and he wants to have turkey etc just because he likes meat and wants to have it. I feel like if he agreed to do it my traditional way, then his meal addition is completely interrupting it. I don’t mind if he brings other meatless dishes, but the tradition of no meat is important to me.
Similarly with sitting at the table at the right time, or opening gifts after dinner. Just things that I feel like make it special and are tradition.
I told him he could have it the next day like we do, and he could make other things without meat as there are plenty.
I’m not vegetarian and I don’t mind meat, but I want this one dinner to be like it always was in the traditional way. It isn’t an important event for him, he just likes meat.
Edit: He would probably buy the turkey and bring it.
It’s at my house.
I am asking about Christmas EVE, he has no traditions for that day. If anything he usually celebrated Christmas DAY when I don’t mind it.
He can eat it before, I don’t care, I don’t want it DURING DINNER ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
He AGEEED to do it my traditional way, but he obviously could have forgotten what it included as we talked about them a while ago.
He wants to eat it on Christmas EVE because he wants meat, not because it’s his tradition for Christmas EVE.
It is not a tradition for Christmas eve!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He agreed to follow your traditions for one meal. That meal is centered around non-meat traditional dishes. He’s not willing to participate in a single meal to experience your traditions. Considering how tame they are, that’s a red flag to me.
Sounds like he won’t even try for one night, and you’re clearly open to his traditions (or non-traditional wants) being part of everything else about Christmas except one single meal.
He can go one meal without his turkey because it’s important to you. How does he know he won’t like the meal/ be hungry afterward?
He won’t even give it a shot!
Yeah, he agreed to do this for you, and now he’s whining and asking you to change it to make him slightly more comfortable, in a way that ruins the whole thing for you. You’d be a jerk to simply inform him what he’ll be doing for a holiday, but you didn’t.
You talked, and he agreed. You’re not a jerk, but you guys might just not be compatible.” fastyellowtuesday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are asking your partner to observe a tradition that is important to you for just one meal, which you are hosting at your own house.
This is clearly important to you, as it is a custom that you grew up around, and since he does not have any traditions tied to this day, it really wouldn’t hurt him to support you to go ONE meal without any meat.
This belies potentially deeper issues, namely that he doesn’t really value you or what is important to you, so long as he gets his way without any substantial reasoning behind it other than because… meat.
This might be a good time to evaluate your relationship as a whole, and see if there are any other areas that he hasn’t really been supportive in the ways that are important to you, then sit down and have a discussion about things moving forward.” Locke_Demosthenes42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He still gets his Christmas meal on Christmas Day, and you get yours on Christmas Eve. Your meal is also a religious vigil and the food is symbolic. I can’t imagine a guest or family member insisting on having fresh, yeasty grain bread at a Passover Seder, saying they eat bread with every meal and can’t skip it just once – that would be pretty rude.
He should be open to learning about and experiencing your culture and traditions. And if he’s not full after eating the fish and other dishes, he can always make himself a sandwich or order takeout later.” WorkingOnTheRundown
14. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Husband's Family Stay At My House Without Me?
“I live in the same city as my parents, my brother does not. He is about a 6-hour drive away. He recently married a woman with 3 kids (6,9,11). I met the kids once at the wedding, they seem hyper but generally like normal kids at that age.
For Christmas, my wife and I and our 3 kids will be traveling to visit her family a few hours away. My brother asked if he, his wife, and her kids could stay at our place while their home since my parents downsized to a one-bedroom condo a couple of years ago.
Personally, I don’t love the idea of people in my home while I’m not there, especially 3 kids who at this point are still basically strangers to me. I don’t want to come home to a mess or any of my kid’s stuff from their rooms or around the house stolen/broken/lost etc. So I told him no.
He’s now calling me a jerk, telling me how much hotels/airbnbs in our west coast city cost and how it’s not fair for me to make him pay a ton offunds when I won’t even be there. I know he’s recently gotten furloughed and funds is tight but still, I don’t like the idea.
If I knew them better I think I would, but I just don’t feel great about it. AITJ for sticking to my guns?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wants to use your relationship for free lodging. He isn’t coming to visit you, there is no reason for him to stay in your home.
It also makes a lot of extra work for you. I would have to clean my home from top to bottom if someone stayed there for a week. Changing sheets on beds, and cleaning bathrooms is a lot of work. I wouldn’t trust anyone who said they would do it either.
It would be nice for you to do but I would not be comfortable with someone living in my home while I wasn’t there.” ContentedRecluse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ whatsoever. Your brother is being entitled and unreasonable. I know very few people who would want someone staying at their place while they are gone.
Especially when you barely know most of them apart from your brother. Not to mention, if you feel this way now just imagine how you’ll be feeling once you are away and they were there. You’d probably be constantly worried and thinking about it which in turn would ruin your own trip for you.” MainEgg320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No one stays at my place unless I am there. That’s a perfectly reasonable boundary to have. You also don’t know the new wife or her kids, and I guarantee those kids are going to be getting into your kid’s stuff.
Things will get moved, broken, or taken.
If he is unhappy with the cost of hotels or Airbnb then he should have either started planning and saving earlier or offered to host your parents at their house.
This messed up idea that just because you are siblings you have to share everything just annoys me.
You are both adults and it really sounds like he needs to grow up.
Hey adult sibling, lend me your house and all your and your families stuff so I can be a cheapskate oh and I’m bringing 4 people you basically don’t know into your personal space while your not there, and if you dare say no Imma throw a temper tanty.” Upper-Spell-3588
13. AITJ For Not Giving My Squishmellos To My Cousin's Kid?
“I (24 F) have a cousin (21 F) who has a daughter (7 F) and has always been self-centered. She always thinks that she and her family are the most perfect family who deserves nothing.
I collect these little stuffed animals called Squishmellos that are very popular with kids, and I have a lot of them. This Monday our family had our annual Christmas Party, and my cousin and her kid came. Her kid automatically saw my squishmello collection as you could see inside my bedroom door when you walk through the front door.
The first thing she said to me was ‘Can I see your Stuffies?!’ And I wasn’t going to be rude so I let her. She kept on repeating the same phrase ‘I wish I had squishmellos’ but I kinda ignored it.
She spent her whole time glaring at me and my Squishmellos as if she was mad or something.
When it was time to leave I saw my cousin’s kid crying and my cousin walked up to me. Can’t remember exactly what she said but it was something along the lines of ‘Look, you have so many Squishmellos and my daughter has none so can you give her like 5?’ And I said ‘no, sorry, I’ve been building this collection for a while and I can’t just give it away’ she SCOFFED and walked out with her kid.
Since then I’ve gotten many calls from family that I am the jerk and say I should have just given her the stuffed animals. Am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wants one that badly then her mum and the rest of the family can buy one for her, particularly with Christmas around the corner.
Apart from the fact that you are collecting them, they are not free and there is such a thing as respecting other people’s properties. If she doesn’t get a reality check she is just going to grow up really spoiled and a nightmare to manage, but that won’t be your problem.” Whatever-and-breathe
Another User Comments:
“NTTJ. Your cousin is the jerk for bringing up a spoilt entitled brat. The child has no right to turn up at someone’s home and expect the people to part with items on which they’ve spent the funds that they’ve earned. The mother has no right to expect people to give into her brat’s temper tantrums, especially by trying to guilt trip, as she did to you, regarding you having so many squishmellos and the child nothing.
You were absolutely right to say no, and by doing so you are actually teaching this child boundaries: she can not and will not always hear the word ‘yes,’ as she constantly does at home.
Don’t be sorry, don’t apologize. The way the child is being brought up and behaving, she is sadly developing a spirit of envy and greed, as demonstrated by the way she glared at you and kept repeating she wished she had squishmellos.
If you had relented, she would not have appreciated it; in addition, you would have reinforced that bad behavior, i.e., she can demand whatever she wants, using emotional blackmail, if she doesn’t succeed the first time. The mother is setting her child up for a horrible fall.” Aggressive-Peace-698
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they are your collection and your cousin’s child needs to learn they can’t have everything they want. life doesn’t work that way and if this child never learns that they’re going to have a rude awakening when they get into the real world.
Also, those family members who are harassing you maybe ask if they could go buy the child the squishmellows instead since they’re so concerned. I mean if they have the time to harass you about it they have enough time to pacify the entitled child and mother right?!” ChampismyPuppy
12. AITJ For Wanting To Get My Wedding Gift Back After I Was Unincluded From The Reception?
“My (20F) cousin Isabelle (26F) is getting married in January. I chose a set of Royal Albert plates from the gift registry and they’ve already been delivered.
The invitation said the ceremony would be first, followed immediately by meals and guests would start making their way to the reception hall. The invitation also said to ‘be prepared for a night of drinking and dancing’ at the reception.
A couple of days ago Isabelle called me, we made some small talk.
She then said she wanted to call just to confirm I knew the reception was more for partying, and it isn’t really suitable for me considering I’m not even 21. I said I’m fine drinking water and soda, but she replied the capacity for the reception hall is smaller so they’re not including younger guests.
Mind you this is a child-free wedding so there aren’t really any ‘younger’ guests, I get not wanting to have kids around for the reception.
Isabelle said I’m invited to the ceremony and dinner. I was confused and told her this is really weird, the invitation said ceremony and reception.
She replied she was sorry for the misunderstanding but it said there would be drinking and stuff.
Eventually, I told her, okay, I respect that but if she could kindly send the plates back so I can get a refund. Isabelle asked why because I’m going to be there for the most important part and they’ve included me in the catering.
I said I was expecting to attend the entire wedding, not half and I bought the gift based on that. I might not attend at all now, so she needs to send the plates back and I’ll decide on another suitable gift if any.
She said no one takes back gifts and it’s not like I’m uninvited, if I don’t want to come now that’s on me and I’ve already gotten the gift.
I also got a text from my other cousin (Isabelle’s sister) that I’m making a scene (she’s 19 by the way and attending the reception. I know another cousin the same age as me is attending the reception), and I think Isabelle’s talked to other relatives about it.
My fiance thinks I’m okay though. So was I the jerk for asking to return the plates?
Edit – I just got off the phone with my mom because I wanted to ask her if they’d picked a gift for Isabelle yet, otherwise, they can potentially take mine and the whole situation.
She said Isabelle called her also and said they’re welcome to the ceremony, but the reception is more for friends and partying. My parents are definitely over 21 and they also had a ceremony and reception on their invitation.
Parents were planning to gift funds so they haven’t given it yet.
They think it was really rude of Isabelle to invite then uninvite, and they might attend the ceremony but not sure. And I am officially confused. Why not just have the ceremony on our invitations in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if she didn’t want younger aged people during reception then she should have informed you before but she didn’t.
You gave the gift on the basis that you are attending the whole wedding, since she can suddenly uninvite you from the reception then you can also ask for your gift back.
To be honest, I feel like she wanted the gift before rejecting you.
(Sorry coz I always think of the worst reasons for things happening) But whatever it is you are absolutely right in wanting your gift back. But your relationship with her might be damaged so be ready for that. I don’t even think she thinks much of the relationship between you and her since she is uninviting you from reception by not giving a proper reason other than your age and also acting salty about returning the gift.” Stunning_Context_418
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she should have clarified this with you upon sending the invitation, not after. And in general, you are 20, not 17. She should at the most approach you to ensure you would not partake in underage drinking, not ban you from the party.
There were many ways of dealing with this situation and she chose the wrong one. I’ve never heard of being ‘partially’ invited to a wedding ceremony and would also have been offended. There are many ways to ‘hide’ the crazy partying from guests you might not be comfortable partying around (like having an ‘after party’ or a ‘fake ending’).
But not clearly telling someone – okay, now we want to go wild so please excuse yourself.” Strange_Poet293
Another User Comments:
“The bit about not being able to drink is just her cover. She admits that what really happened is that she invited too many people and the venue needs her to trim it down.
It’s probably a fire code violation. The other D-list guests are probably getting the same speech, but with a different reason behind it.
On wedding discussion forums you always get gimme pigs advising about inviting people you’re not close to because they’ll probably send a gift in lieu of attending.
She was hoping you would do that, and when you didn’t she tried to force your hand. She just didn’t expect you to thwart her plan so directly.
She’s not treating you like a beloved family member, so you’re NTJ for not behaving like one.
I don’t think you’re going to get that gift back, so I’d give up on that, but asking was the right move. I also think you should skip the wedding entirely. No wedding food is good enough to make up for a slight like that.” Nemesis0408
11. AITJ For Not Welcoming My Son's Significant Other Into The Family?
“My son’s father and I separated when he was 3, my ex was much more of a free spirit than I, and our son inherited this trait, my ex took as many trips as possible with our son which is something I know was a good experience for him.
Four years ago my son decided he’d travel, he’s explained it as volunteer work, but that was obviously 4 years ago, and whilst in the early days he was good at communicating with me and my ex he’s slowly drifted off, we asked if he’d come home for his 25th (by that I mean we’re lucky to get a text or call every 2-3 months.)
Last month he surprised me, didn’t even tell me he was visiting and surprise it was! Because he promptly introduced me to his fiancé, his very pregnant fiancé.
My ex has taken a shine to her, and so have my sons (12,7) but she can be… an acquired taste, she’s very eccentric and free spirit… my son wanted me to instantly bond with her, I’ve tried and we just don’t click.
So I and my son were talking and he got upset I hadn’t instantly connected to her, I mentioned I was upset with his lack of communication and I didn’t even know he was engaged or expecting… he said it doesn’t matter, she’s family now.
Not that they’re planning on staying, because they want to travel more.
It’s nothing personal, I’m not hostile I’m just not keen on inviting her out whenever I go out like food shopping or girls’ days with my friends/family… If I had more time to form a bond, but I think it’s a bit daft ‘hi, here’s my fiancé, love her and your grandchild that you won’t actually meet for a few years’ because they’re planning on leaving soon, and he doesn’t tell anyone (including my ex, so it’s not specifically me!) where he’s going.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The heart of the issue is your son. You need to meet one on one and ask why he didn’t introduce you. Why he wants you to instantly like his fiancee?
You’re both adults and should be able to properly communicate.
You’ll get nowhere unless you address the issue directly. Your concerns are valid and the situation is very weird.
If the situation is as you’re saying it is, you might not be reacting enough. If I heard this in real life, I’d immediately think something was wrong.
I’d possibly think it could’ve been the fiancee who forced your son to not tell you. There are abusive partners who cut off their other partner from their families to isolate them. There are women who do it and purposely get pregnant to try and cement the relationship.
I’m not saying it is the situation. It’s just an extremely concerning situation.” mimi7600
Another User Comments:
“Your son seems to think that just because you’re supposed to love him unconditionally, you’re also supposed to roll with his choices at a moment’s notice while he offers zero ground for you to process those choices.
He contacts you once every 2-3 months, doesn’t even MENTION that he has a partner, that he’s gonna be a dad, that he got engaged – he doesn’t even inform you he’s going to visit and that he’s bringing someone along.
And he expects it all to resolve itself because ‘she’s family now’?
No. She is HIS family. She is not yours, not yet. She’s a stranger to you right now, and the kind of person that you admit you don’t easily connect with.
You should be making her feel welcome, yes, but instantly forming a bond when you barely have the time to even understand what just happened, that’s completely unreasonable. Does he expect the fiancee to immediately treat you like a mom, too?
This is so immature.
He isn’t playing Sims where you can make people friends within minutes. He introduces two human beings to your family with no heads up, with zero consideration for your feelings, and is about to take off again before you can build any sort of connection.
NTJ” MicciMichi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son sounds emotionally immature, unrealistic, and spoiled. Are you prepared to support them? I ask because traveling to new and exotic places for ‘volunteer’ work is gonna be crazy hard with a newborn. I foresee them showing up months or weeks after her due date because they can’t manage the responsibility of raising a fresh baby on the road.
Best of luck. I hope I’m wrong and he turns out to be a great dad that finds the means to support his family. But in the meantime, I would start thinking ahead about how you’re gonna handle it if he doesn’t.
I doubt he is.” TheGungaLaGunga
10. AITJ For Dropping Out Of My Best Friend's Wedding?
“Me and my BFF have known each other since we were children. After school, I moved back home where I struggled to find job opportunities in a small town. She and her fiance picked a date for their wedding and she asked me to be the maid of honor.
We began planning the wedding. I decided that the best thing to do was to move to a bigger city (3 hrs away) where I would have more job opportunities. I told my BFF I would be leaving but would still perform my maid of honor duties, even making trips back home so I could be there for her.
She said she understood why I had to leave.
After the move, I noticed she wouldn’t answer my calls or text. I asked to be reminded when she wanted to go dress shopping so I could plan to be there. I asked her a few times if she was upset with me about anything and she said no. One day she told me she was adding two more maids of honor.
I told her that it was her wedding, and I didn’t mind. Weeks later I get a call from BFF saying she needed my dress size and funds for a deposit on the bridesmaid dress she and the other maids of honor picked out! I didn’t have the funds on such little notice.
She said it was fine but I could tell she wasn’t happy. I asked why she didn’t mention they were dress shopping and she said she didn’t want to bother me. I found out she and the other girls excluded me from her plans to shop for bridal gowns.
I didn’t want to be one of those bridesmaids that makes things about themselves so I let it go.
After this, we didn’t talk much. She rarely took my calls. I planned a surprise bachelorette trip. I found fairly priced plane tickets and a hotel for the bridal party.
Made a budget that would allow me to pay for the bride’s travel expenses and my own. I tried to surprise her with the trip she shut the idea down saying she didn’t want a bachelorette party. She later mentioned that she was going on a cruise.
I know she and her fiance love to go on cruises so I didn’t think anything of it. The NEXT day I’m scrolling on social media and see she posted about being excited about the cruise she’s taking with her MAIDS OF HONOR! I called her and she brushed it off saying it wasn’t a bachelorette party and that I could get a ticket on the same cruise I wanted to!
I asked her why she hadn’t told me anything about it she didn’t really have a good reason.
Found out that once I moved she began hanging out with these girls more often and became resentful that I left. They talked crap about me in my absence.
She texted me soon after this and asked if I was going to pay for the dress or not. While I was able to get the funds together for the dress deposit, I’d have to work extra overtime to finish paying it off. I was sick of intentionally being excluded and getting heat for trying to make a better life for myself.
I ended up telling her I couldn’t afford the dress and wouldn’t be able to be at the wedding party. We’ve hardly spoken since. AITJ for dropping out the wedding and lying about not having the funds?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she doesn’t seem interested in including you.
You don’t seem interested in putting up with her.
One bit of unsolicited advice though – if you don’t want to do something, try not to claim it’s because of funds (unless that is actually the only thing that keeps you from doing it). While you’re trying to be nice and spare feelings, someone might surprise you by paying for it (or worse, buying it ‘for you’ and expecting you to pay it back).
It can end up much worse than if you just say (nicely) that you’re not going to be interested.” JsCTmav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She is no longer your friend – she is resentful you left and has discarded you for new friends and is essentially ‘punishing’ you for moving.
I bet the second you stop contacting her, the next time you will hear from her is when she needs/wants something, the day of the wedding, or really, never again.
Because she was too immature to talk to you and say that she no longer wanted you in this role or to talk through her feelings about you moving.” EnergyThat1518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
For whatever reason, she was clearly excluding you and being passive-aggressive about it. There are zero excuses for excluding you from the cruise and posting about going with the maid of honor while knowing you weren’t there is likely deliberate, or at best means she forgot about you.
Neither option is great.
Don’t play games. Remove yourself from the situation. She’s going to blow up the friendship over whatever issues she has without talking to you, so it’s best to step away because she clearly has zero issues making you uncomfortable, and the wedding is very unlikely to be different.
Honestly, there’s a decent chance it’ll be worse because she knows you can’t publicly say anything during it without causing drama.
Focus on making friends in your new city and taking care of yourself.” whichwitch9
9. AITJ For Ordering Overpriced Pizza?
“I (M33) recently got married, in a holiday town about an hour away from my wife’s hometown in Australia.
Two nights before the wedding, my wife’s immediate family divided off for the evening, with the males and females doing separate activities. My future father-in-law and 2 future brothers-in-law (33 and 40) decided to spend the night in my father-in-law’s hotel room, for a quiet night, watching sports on tv, over beers and pizza.
I rang the pizza shop (a well-known national franchise) and was starting to place orders for some pizzas. As I was ordering, the youngest brother-in-law asked me what was the price of the pizzas that were being ordered. I told him the prices. He immediately started yelling: ‘Cancel the order.
It’s too much. The same pizzas in (his hometown) from the same store cost $5 less’.
For context, I have a well-paying job so the price of the pizzas wasn’t something that affected my decision about whether to order. It’s a holiday town and so there was going to be a premium for what was already fairly cheap pizza from a no-frills cheap-and-cheerful franchise.
My BIL lives in a regional town, earns reasonable coin for the area, but has a well-honed appreciation for the value of funds shall we say.
I dismissed the BIL’s objection with a wave of my hand and said: ‘don’t worry, I got this.”
The BIL kept protesting but when I hung up the phone, he got up, said I’m not eating that pizza and made himself a toasted sandwich, which he proceeded to eat, and gave the rest of us the silent treatment for the rest of the night.
The pizzas arrived and the rest of us ate them in largely awkward silence.
So, readers, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He threw a tantrum because he couldn’t control you and he didn’t like that. It’s none of his business how you choose to spend your funds and he has no right to make demands.
If he just wanted the other pizza because he prefers the taste, he can buy one of his own when he gets there.
I’d ask your wife for clarification on what to expect from this guy, like if this is normal behavior with him, and to make sure she isn’t given a fake story from her domineering sibling about you bullying him or something.” Slight_Flamingo_7697
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘he got up, said I’m not eating that pizza, and made himself a toasted sandwich, which he proceeded to eat, and gave the rest of us the silent treatment for the rest of the night.’
This is just outright bizarre behavior, and a jerk move.
‘My BIL lives in a regional town, earns reasonable coin for the area, but has a well-honed appreciation for the value of funds shall we say.’
If someone else not getting the cheapest option leads to what amounts to a tantrum, that’s not appreciation – he’s a judgemental miser.
If he’s married, I feel sorry for his wife; because yikes. I bet he pulls that crap to get his way. ‘If you don’t do what I want, I will make you miserable’.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the core issue here is that he wanted to be disrespectful to you as well as this local business and you were just supposed to cow and give him complete control of the situation.
Which ended up happening anyway with all of you being silent and uncomfortable rather than treating his tantrum appropriately. But given that he was comfortable making such an egregious display, that might be because your new wife’s family allow him to get away with this kind of behavior.
It’s a conversation to have with her and determine boundaries so that if he is invited to events, you both are prepared to deal with him.” JCBashBash
8. AITJ For Giving My Family A Moving-Out Date?
“My (36M) brother (40M) and his wife have been struggling with purchasing a home for some time.
They have previously rented. My brother asked me back last summer if they could live with me and my wife in our new house we purchased in the Fall of 2021. My wife and I are well off, both have high-paying jobs, no kids, and our house is bigger than we need. I told my brother that it should be fine and asked how long they need to stay.
He said until the end of the year which should give him enough time to save up some funds and pay off some credit card bills and look for a house. The agreed-upon time was from August until December.
At first, everything was great. I love my brother and his wife and I enjoy spending time with them.
Over time, though, I noticed that the timeline wasn’t adding up. They moved in a bunch of stuff, took over our pantry, and stored stuff in areas I told them I didn’t want it. It didn’t appear they were making much effort to look for a home either and when I asked him about it, he said mortgage interest rates are too high.
He bought a good bit of stuff too like a 3090Ti graphics card, expensive collectibles, etc. I’m not judging him on what he spends his funds on but the whole point of this was for him to save funds. I’m not charging him anything at all to live here and I even paid for their meals a few times.
In November I asked him what his plans were. I told him it takes a long time to close on a house and this would go past the December date we agreed upon. He said he now needed to stay until the summer. Once I heard this, I realized that once summer gets here, the date may get pushed again for as long as I allow.
I work from home so having someone here most of the time where previously there wasn’t has been a change for me. As much as I appreciate spending time with them, I was ready to have my privacy and quietness back.
One night we let them know that we’d be happy to extend the deadline to the end of February but summer will be too long.
He seemed to take it okay at the time but things have gotten weird. I understand that he’s hurt and feels like his brother is kicking him out because essentially, I am. In the past few weeks, they have been mostly standoffish. They will talk to us some nights and on others, they lock themselves up in their room.
They decided that they aren’t staying until February and had already packed up most of their stuff and moved it out. They do have arrangements to stay with their parents until summer. Today, their food was given away to one of their coworkers instead of being offered to us.
We haven’t received any thanks or anything and now I feel like we’re going to be portrayed as the bad guys to our families for kicking them out. I did this to help them but it seems it has backfired. My mom has already guilted me by saying ‘This is your brother, are you sure you can’t let him stay longer?’.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they asked for temporary accommodation, which you provided and they then proceeded to take over your house and now seek to make this a permanent free residence. They need to get their crap together and go find another rental if that’s what it takes.
You’ve run that gravy train long enough and are entitled to the peaceful enjoyment of your home without junk everywhere. Tell your mom she’s welcome to house them if she thinks making them arrange living quarters of their home is too hard for two grown-up adults.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He was not realistic about the timeline and/or honest when he approached you with the situation, then it took you talking to him about when they were moving out.
Even if they were saving all their funds, the initial agreement was Aug-Dec, living rent-free.
You have every right to say you don’t want to extend the agreement. Given they had 4 months to save up, looking for a place to rent with 2 1/2 months’ notice wouldn’t have been a big issue so it’s not like they would have been homeless.
Family or not, they took advantage. Let them take advantage of someone else.” XxQueenOfSwordsXx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would’ve thrown a flag the minute he was living rent-free but spending fun funds on graphics cards and collectibles. Interest rates are high, too bad he has to commit to that for a 30-year mortgage.
Wait, he doesn’t have to. He can refinance when the market improves. You’re NTJ for expecting a grown-up to live up to his responsibilities and promises. You’re NTJ for putting the hammer down when it was clear that he didn’t mind moving the flag poles on you.
Let your parents and other family members deal with it. You did your time and put in the effort. Now it’s time to reclaim your home and get back to work.
If he circles back, don’t shut him out. Tell him you want the best for him but it’s not going to happen without intentional effort on his part.
Discipline, planning, execution. Can’t help those that won’t help themselves. But you can help them help themselves. Some people struggle with what others find easy. Some are athletic. Some are smart. Some people naturally take to certain life skills that help them be successful grown-ups.
Some don’t and they don’t understand why those around them seem to ‘have it easy.’ My brother and I struggle with this dynamic. Thank god one of us married someone that had herself together. If that’s the case for him then work with him to set realistic goals and hold him accountable.
But if he’s just looking for a free ride then you’ve already proven that you ain’t it.
Best of luck to you and your brother. Family dynamics are hard and no matter what some folks say, your brother is your brother until the end.
And we are charged with looking out for each other to an extent. Be there for him, but don’t let him take advantage of you.” TheGungaLaGunga
7. AITJ For Making My Husband Babysit A Child I'm Supposed To Take Care Of?
“I’m (23) a nursery teacher/assistant, whatever you wanna call it, children I look after are 1-5 sometimes older during school break but the point is I find the younger the more tiring (until they’re teenagers…) we’ve also got a 3 and 5-year-old… it’s like going to work, coming home, and working still; I love my job and my children, and wouldn’t change it for the world but I do think it’s almost toxic implying I’m not allowed to be tired.
Anyway, I’m off for a week, then it’s Christmas break coming up but for part of that time, my nursery stays open.
So my husband answers the door this morning and in comes a 2-3-year-old I’ve never met before, and he’s like ‘you volunteered?’ So I asked when he said the night before… I was conked out most of the night, like did he ask me while I’m asleep?
And he’s like ‘you woke up at about 2 to use the loo so I asked then, and you agreed’.
So I just grabbed my bag and walked past him, visited my sister who I haven’t seen in yonks… he’s obviously upset and said I would’ve been looking after my children for free too but I gave birth to my children and this one didn’t come out of me…
He says it was for a work friend, a one-time thing and he had to look after 3 children alone all day (he’s never even done that for our children).
My sister says I should’ve at least taken our kids and that it was a jerk move because I agreed, doesn’t matter what time.
I don’t think I am but two people who usually agree with me are disagreeing.
AITJ?
Edit: My husband’s work friend asked him to babysit their 2/3-year-old, he said he’d ask me since I have experience in childcare.
He asks me at 2 am and apparently I agreed.
It was expected to be done for free, apparently since I was looking after my children for free.”
Another User Comments:
“God, no, NTJ.
Firstly, you do not ask someone to babysit at 2 am the morning of! What?! You were not awake enough to even remember, let alone make an informed decision.
But I’d bet dimes to dollars he’s lying and didn’t ask in the first place. Going from ‘you volunteered’ to ‘I asked last night’ to ‘I asked at 2 am while you were dazed out of your mind’ is a dead giveaway. He told his work friend you’d do it, forgot to ask you, and gaslighted you into thinking you’d agreed so you’d do it anyway.
Screw that.
Your husband doesn’t get to rent you out as free childcare for his buddies. And no father should be ‘clueless about childcare’. Why are you with this jerk?” sci_fi_bi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand how he couldn’t have possibly asked you any earlier than that brief moment you were awake at 2 am.
And then to not bring it up again that morning as a reminder like ‘hey – you might’ve been half asleep when I asked you this last night, but…’ It seems more like he just agreed to it, maybe forgot until the night before & may or may not have actually mentioned it while you were half asleep.
I don’t think you were wrong in leaving and I don’t think you were wrong in leaving your children with their own father for once in his life. Also, you don’t know anything about this kid, any food allergies, behavioral problems, or health issues & that could be a liability, especially since childcare is your profession.
I hope your husband learned a lesson in communication & gained some empathy for what you do every day.” thehotmcpoyle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he couldn’t answer before you went to bed the night before, he should have told his coworker no. Waiting until 2 AM to ask you was inappropriate, and he knows it.
Plus, I’m suspicious that it even happened. What parent was still waiting around at 2 AM the night before to hear about childcare and then was ready to go in the morning? Sounds to me like he said yes before he even asked you.
At best, he tried to pull a sneaky move to get you to watch a kid.
It failed. At worst, he told the coworker yes without talking to you and tried to cover. Either way, that’s on him, so he can watch the kid plus his own two children, who he should be used to caring for anyway.” Meemaws_BearCheese
6. WIBTJ If I Buy Potty Training Stickers For My Roommates?
“I (F23) have four male roommates (22M, 22M, 24 M, and 24m) they’re all really fun and nice guys and we get along well personality-wise.
I share a bathroom with two of them. Who we’ll call Ethan (24M) and Brandon (22M). Brandon for the most part is pretty chill, super respectful of the shared bathroom space, puts the seat down, and cleans when it’s his turn (not exactly to my standard but I know I grew up in a house where my mom was super a**l about cleaning and he tries, and that’s really all I care about).
He never leaves an egregious mess, and always cleans the drain.
Ethan however never cleans the bathroom, always leave various types of hair everywhere, often forgets to flush, leaves trash on the floor, and has the worst aim imaginable. It’s like he tries to pee facing away from the toilet with a blindfold on.
Every time Brandon and I scrub the bathroom, the next day (sometimes even sooner) there’s pee on the rim, seat, the outside of the bowl, floor, and WALL. All over basically. It’s like someone exploded a pee monster inside the bathroom. and he NEVER wipes it up.
I’ll ask him, and he’ll be like ‘For sure, I’ll do that, my bad.’ and then doesn’t. One time I found literal poop on the floor.
Both Ethan and I have brought it up in our roommate meetings and talked to him independently about this and it’ll change for a day or two only to return to the same status.
In the beginning, I just dealt with it but it’s been six months now and I’m fed up. So I found one of those ‘Aim Here’ stickers for potty training kids that I planned on buying and putting in the toilet with no further comment.
When I mentioned this to Brandon he said it might be a bit rude and would cause more problems than solving them. Male friends, I mentioned this to told me that it was rude and that I can’t expect a man to sit down to pee.
(which I never said but they extrapolated).
I’m just over having a pee-covered bathroom.
Would I be the jerk for putting potty training devices and stickers in the bathroom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He should be cleaning up the mess he’s leaving in the bathroom, hands down.
For that alone, he’s the jerk here. But there might be a reason why he has poor bathroom hygiene that might embarrass him. Like a medical issue of some kind? So maybe the stickers might be a tad mean if that’s the case, but if he’s just a straight-up jerk, that’s hilarious.
You should be able to take a situation (that you’re literally cleaning up the mess of) and make a harmless joke to help show him how much of a jerk he really is.” PreviousWerewolf1398
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Do it. If Ethan has a problem, hand him a scrubbing brush and tell him to learn how to clean up his pee like a big boy then.
Make a written log and track every instance of being unable to sanitarily use the bathroom due to his mess and present it in your roommate meetings. Some people refuse to see a problem with their behavior until you publicly humiliate or shame them, sounds harsh but have to be done sometimes and this sounds like one of those times!” givemethc27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Peeing all over the bathroom and not cleaning up after yourself is rude, putting up a sticker isn’t. Sure yeah it can happen rarely that aim is off due to high fever or being wasted or whatever but any decent guy cleans up after himself in this case.
And since he never even cleans the bathroom it can be pretty gross. Maybe you should have a serious talk with the other roommate (the one you’re sharing a bathroom with) about how gross it is and you’re tired of cleaning up after that guy, and about that pee sprinkler – just leave it uncleaned and send him to the bathroom and have him cleaning up after himself.
You’re not obligated to clean up someone else’s bodily fluids just because they don’t want to do it.” Andy_Chaoz
5. AITJ For Talking To My Brother About How He Talks About Our Sister-In-Law?
“I (24F) have two brothers (Sam 32M, who’s married to Aly 32F with two kids, and Ben 35M who is divorced and has been seeing someone since Jan).
For reasons I don’t get, Ben has a lot of contempt for Aly.
Aly has anxiety and chronic illness, she’s allergic to many things. She has anxiety abt germs so she sanitizes everything regularly and uses lots of hand sanitizer. She’s allergic to cinnamon and chocolate but the chocolate thing is not constant so sometimes she can indulge but others she can’t.
She’s mildly allergic to dogs, but she runs a dog-sitting business, which she handles by changing clothes after dealing w/ the dogs (who are contained in the backyard) and sanitizing; Sam also helps out. This business boosts their income and I think it’s impressive how she manages that.
She also gets anxious about her kids and likes to keep them to a pretty strict schedule and asks my parents to respect that schedule and her other rules.
The way my parents and Ben talk about her, you’d think she’s insane. They say she’s over dramatic about sanitizing (she’s zealous but come on, the world fell into chaos 2 years ago because of a disease), she’s lying about being allergic to chocolate and cinnamon (why would anyone—), she’s ridiculous for running the dog business when she’s allergic to dogs, and that she’s way to strict with her kids.
Ben in particular seems to want an antagonistic relationship with her; he ignores her calls (because she called him too many times in a day once), disparages her around my parents & me, and says passive-aggressive things to her when we’re together.
It bothers me because I really like Aly.
We have similar issues, but she’s more assertive about managing hers. The way my family talks about Aly makes me wonder if I started taking better care of myself and asking my family to make concessions for me, would they treat me the same way?
Do they already discuss my issues with the same contempt they use for her?
Recently, I was with my brother and his partner, and Aly came up. My brother launched into his usual thing, and if you hadn’t met Aly (as his partner hasn’t) you’d probably assume things are as bad as he says.
I pushed back (I always do, they don’t listen). I pointed out to Ben that we have similar issues (he insists I don’t, that I’m not as controlling as she is, on and on), and finally I said that he was being mean and needed to lay off.
We dropped it, but I guess it bothered his partner because he called me later and called me a jerk, said that he and his partner were having all kinds of problems now as she doesn’t want to be with someone who is cruel, and now he thinks he’s going to lose her.
I’m not surprised this is an issue, I assumed it came up already, as Ben tends to be mean and controlling (hence the divorce), but I guess his partner was tolerating it until now. I don’t want to be the reason they break up, but I think this is something Ben needs to change about himself if he wants a long-lasting relationship.
Also, Aly deserves better. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s weird that your brother blames you for the fact that his partner perceived his cruelty. If he hadn’t acted like a jerk, to begin with, his partner would never have seen him that way. If he loses her it will be because he still refuses to accept responsibility for his actions, not because you asked him to keep his actions in check.
I’m surprised that he didn’t engage in some self-reflection after his divorce. He should be thanking you for your good advice and following it. Instead, he’s blaming you for something that’s entirely his fault.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… what about this is in any way shape or form your doing?!
HE MIGHT LOSE HER BECAUSE HE IS A CRUEL PERSON AND SHE DOESN’T WANT A CRUEL PARTNER.
You didn’t force him to do anything except break the facade, and this isn’t a one-time thing… this is just a hard and fast jeez… this is how he treats people he is supposed to care about what does that mean for me… and bam… self-value and preservation of sanity wins again.
Please, please, please look at this situation as if you were reading this about someone else… you are not to blame and please also take care of yourself.” pandatron3221
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m assuming the girl is also an adult woman who is capable herself of recognizing when someone is just a jerk.
It’s not like you randomly told her that he’s like that, he did it right in front of her. Even if she wouldn’t have realized it that night without you explaining that he was exaggerating, she would have figured it out eventually when she met Aly.
His behavior is the problem. It would have been trashy whether you called it out or not.” CumulativeHazard
4. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To See Our Sons Just By Himself?
“My ex-husband (34m) has been a part of our sons’ (8m, 7m) lives inconsistently. About 3.5 months ago, he broke up with his partner and got evicted. He told me that he was couch surfing and couldn’t take our sons on his weekends. Ok, cool, no problem.
I’ve let him know that he can still see the boys but not overnight because I don’t want them at random people’s houses. He agreed because they wouldn’t have anywhere to sleep. He’s ended up not seeing them at all because he tells me he can’t get them.
Last night he texted me asking when his next weekend is. I told him that it was Christmas Eve weekend but I had plans to go see my older sister. He then asked about seeing them this Sunday. I said that’s fine as long as they’re not sick (Flu has hit our house).
He said that he and his partner and thought he could take the boys for a couple of hours. I then said that I’d prefer if he took them just by himself without introducing someone new just yet. He then proceeded to say that he can’t get them then.
I said ok and that was the end of the conversation.
Now however, I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for saying that I’d want him to spend that time with them by himself because he hasn’t seen them in 3.5 months. Especially because now he’s saying he can’t see them.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex is not stable and for children as young as yours still, that can be traumatizing. Wanting to introduce someone he’s maybe been seeing for at least 6 months or longer is understandable, but if this is someone who is completely new he needs to wait to introduce them.
You have the best interest of your children in mind and that’s what matters. It’s unfortunate that your ex can’t seem to get himself together and doesn’t seem to understand that his kids should be more important than whoever his current partner is.” litt3lli0n
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Under other circumstances, I might say to cut him a break and try to facilitate time with your sons as much as possible because seeing their dad regularly and consistently is obviously best for them. But it seems like there has already been a lot of upheaval and inconsistency, your boys are young, and the last thing they need is to have another stranger thrown into the mix at this point, making things awkward and potentially uncomfortable.
They need time JUST with their dad, particularly since they haven’t had much in recent months.
And if the issue was that his partner was his transportation, assuming that they’re local, he could have asked HER to do him a favor and drop him off and pick him up.
it’s not her job, but it would be the kind thing to do if your new man is a dad and struggling to see his kids.
It sounds like you’re not being petty, just trying to manage a difficult situation in a way that supports your kids’ well-being.
NTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy doesn’t have his crap together and that’s why he hasn’t seen his sons in almost 4 months. His inability to manage his own financial/housing/transportation situation without relying on his brand-new partner is no reason for you to feel like you are a jerk.
Furthermore, based on what you’ve written, he also doesn’t consider you a jerk. The only way you might be a jerk is if his child support payments are so exorbitantly high to the point that those are the reasons he cannot get his feet on the ground.” Own-Cauliflower2386
3. AITJ For Picking My Step-Siblings' Side Against My Sister?
“In my immediate family, excluding my mother and stepfather there is my sister (18), stepsister (22), stepbrother (27), and myself (M27).
Our parents got married last year and there has been a bit of tension between my mother and stepdad’s kids for reasons not really worth mentioning other than the fact that they just see the world differently.
My sister is a good kid and has a very close bond with my mum.
I think she may have taken a hold of my mum’s tension with my step-siblings and went with it.
The real issue that has happened is this; my sister is 18, still lives at home and her only real expense is her car insurance so she has a lot of extra funds for her age since she works full time.
I and the others do not have this luxury. I’d be the best off out of the 3 of us and even at that there are months when I have to be very careful with funds.
In an attempt to make Xmas easier for all of us, we decided about 2 weeks ago to book our parents a nice overnight trip away to a fancy hotel, split 4 ways.
We picked something right at the top of our budgets cause we love our parents and want to do what we can for them. My sister agreed despite saying she’d already spent a lot of funds on our parents (she likes to show off how much extra funds she has by spending the most at Xmas/birthdays etc and can kind of brag about it if I’m honest).
When my stepbrother messaged saying it was booked my sister then decided to say she was not paying cause she feels she’s spent enough on them already. This has created a lot of tension cause none of the rest of us can really afford the extra between the cost of living right now and getting Christmas sorted for everyone else in our lives.
When challenged my sister left the group chat, ignored all calls and messages, and left us all out of pocket.
I eventually called my mother in an attempt to resolve this and she sided with my sister, saying she ‘felt obliged’ and that she’s ‘already spent enough’ and is now saying she will just pay the other quarter which feels wrong to me.
I tried to challenge her saying my sister could have said no and that we would have got something in our price range if she’d said she didn’t want in but now I’m caught in the middle. My mum is showing her clear bias and I can’t in good conscience take her side on this because I think my sister is in the wrong.
My stepbrother is understandably stressed as he’s been left dealing with it coming out of his bank account so I sent the extra until I find a resolution.
I truly don’t think my step-siblings are wrong to be upset but I can also see they may have come on strong when asking for the funds.
I also may have jumped the gun calling my mum but I am an anxious person who finds Xmas stressful enough and just needed some kind of resolution.
AITJ?”
Antoher User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t just agree to pitch into a joint purchase, and then pull out when it’s time to pay up.
She bailed with no good reason and left the rest of you footing the bill. Conflict with the step-siblings aside, she’s willing to do that to her own sister, and your mom should not have dismissed it.
I’m not sure there’s much you can do to get your sister to make it right, especially since your mother has decided to play favorites.
So personally, I think the difference should come out of your budget for your sister’s gifts for the next year or so.” sci_fi_bi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are in the middle here. Stepkids can be expected to come out strong because your sister is being a selfish jerk.
She shouldn’t have agreed to contribute if she couldn’t. A polite, ‘I am sorry I can’t go in with you all on that because I already spent my holiday budget on other things.’ would have been perfectly appropriate.
Personally, if she gave me a gift this Christmas I would hand it back to her and say, ‘I love you and appreciate the thought but until you pay back, (stepbrother) for the cost of our parents’ gift you promised to contribute toward, I really can’t accept gifts in good conscience.
Can you return this and pass the funds towards what you owe?’.” LadyCass79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘We picked something right at the top of our budgets cause we love our parents and want to do what we can for them. My sister agreed’
That’s it right there. As soon as she agreed, she had given her word that she would help you pay. She’s the jerk for backing out as soon as you actually booked it.
‘she likes to show off how much extra funds she has by spending the most at Xmas/birthdays etc and can kind of brag about it if I’m honest’
She’s also the jerk just because of this. Bragging about having more funds than you when you are struggling isn’t right.
She needs to get off her high horse and do what she agreed to do. It’s not your fault she spent too much of her funds on them already, she never should’ve agreed in the first place if she had no intention of spending more.” PreviousWerewolf1398
2. AITJ For Trying To Be Supportive Of My Partner's Weight Loss?
“My partner says she doesn’t feel attractive anymore because she gained about 65 lbs. The lack of self-esteem has hindered our intimate life (regardless of my insistence that it’s not an issue). She goes to the gym once in a while but doesn’t seem motivated like she used to be when we met.
So I offered her an incentive. I would buy her a hot new outfit every time she met a self-prescribed milestone (whether it be a certain number of pounds lost, a dress size change, or whatever she thought appropriate).
Then my head got bit off.
She got upset and said she knew I wasn’t happy with the weight gain, and that this proved I didn’t find her attractive anymore. I thought it was a cute way to show her she will always be attractive while motivating her to get where she wants to be.
AITJ here?
(To clarify) she did express she wanted to lose weight. Saying she wanted to be slimmer for me. Weeks BEFORE this conversation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, you are in a lose-lose situation here.
I don’t think there is a way to be supportive of this kind of thing really.
Ie: You try to be supportive and do something for her when she hits a mark. She gets upset. You check in on her progress to show you care; you are micromanaging. You don’t check in on her progress; you obviously don’t care. You try to take walks with her or cook healthy food; obviously, you think she needs to lose weight because you are pushing it.
You don’t offer walks or healthy food with her; you think she is a grown woman who can make her own decisions because you don’t care enough.
Really it is all going to come down to whether or not she wants to lose the weight.
She says she wants to but she doesn’t actually want to yet. She isn’t motivated because she reeeaaallly isn’t ready to yet. Until she comes to terms with her own readiness it’s just going to be a listen-and-keep-your-mouth-shut situation. Sorry dude.” Sarahmartin0911
Another User Comments:
“Op is 100% not the jerk. You were being supportive and suggested something that has actually been shown to be effective. HOWEVER, I would be careful about calling your partner a jerk. There isn’t a precise timeline, but 65lbs is quite a lot to gain, and it wouldn’t be unlikely that there is an eating disorder at play; best case scenario it’s ‘just’ disordered eating.
So having set these grounds gives us a new perspective on her behavior. The decreased libido, the shame, the inability to stick to a weight loss program. You did absolutely nothing wrong, but you may be facing a problem bigger than either of you.
Try to gather more information, and don’t take on too much on your own.
She’s your partner, and it’s clear you care, but you’re not responsible for her mental health. Try to approach the topic calmly once you feel comfortable doing that, and in the meantime try to avoid any comments on eating behavior and looks.
Take also care about your own mental health; if my guess is right, you might be facing some great challenges. But you have to listen to yourself, and stepping back when it gets too hard is a completely reasonable decision.” Deathwishgremlin
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are a jerk, OP, you do come across as clueless though.
Being supportive would be more like offering to help find her a counselor if she would like to talk about the root causes of her weight gain (why has she ‘lost motivation’ for instance, why is her self-esteem so low) and through that either moving towards body acceptance or towards losing weight, whichever she wants to do.
Or it could look like going for a walk with her a few times a week if she is having trouble motivating herself to get out of the house. Buying and cooking groceries if you are both eating a lot of takeaways or snack foods.
Offering to treat her (you, really) to a variety of hot outfits, especially when she’s already struggling with not feeling good about herself, is not such a good or supportive idea.” Legal-Needle81
1. AITJ For Saying My Partner Is Needy?
“I (23m) have been with my partner (22f) for two and a half years. She is amazing, funny and beautiful, but she got a big problem, she just can’t stop talking, she is always talking about anything and everything.
But what really gets on my nerves are the hypothetical questions ‘If we had a cat and a kid, and the cat needed to go to the vet but the only extra funds we have is going to buy our kid bday present, what would you do?
If our kid got switched at birth but we only discovered after, what would you do? If you discovered that you only got 7 days left, what would you do?’. Just random and annoying questions that she wants to have lengthy conversations about. She even has a book that has a bunch of these useless questions, she loves this crap.
Even worst, sometimes we fight about these things that never happened to us, like, come on.
Well, last week I snapped, I just wanted to have a good time with my girl and she asked what would i do if all the internet and phones stopped working out of nowhere, and nobody knew what was happening.
And I just said I would be happy that I would be able to have time off from her needy questions, always needing me to say I would look out for her. I just was annoyed and wanted her to stop. She just said my wish was granted and left, because of a simple comment.
Maybe I was a bit harsh, but come on, I just wanted a night off and said something unnecessary. She stopped the questions but also is kinda cold with me, and my friends keep insisting I got to apologize, but I don’t see why, finally she stopped the bugging, I just want her to go back to her normal self now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It‘s annoying and weird for sure, and you don’t have to play along. But you were cruel and could’ve definitely been nicer or offered a compromise instead of brushing her off for something so innocent.
You now want her to go back to her normal self — but she now knows that you don’t like her the way she is and can‘t communicate something that bothers you without being rude and inconsiderate.” realstareyes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Listen, I get it. The endless questions would drive me nuts too. But this is where you put on your big boy pants and actually TALK to your partner about it instead of letting it fester and fester and fester until you snap and say hurtful things.
It’s so easy to say something like, ‘Hey, I know you like to ask hypothetical questions and have conversations about them, but I really hate getting in fights over something that didn’t actually happen and it’s starting to wear on me. Can we maybe limit the hypothetical questions to one a week and agree that if it somehow starts a fight, we’ll just table the conversation?’ If you pick a time where you can say this in a calm, kind tone, it might start a great conversation about what both your needs are for quiet time and personal space.” SpaceyAwesome
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She doesn’t owe you to ‘not be annoying’, especially if you never talked to her about this. On the other hand, you owe her to be respectful and not snap at her for not being able to read your mind. You said you just wanted to have fun with her.
What does this fun include? Because she seems like she loves to get to know you through all these questions and like any topic can be fun if she discusses it with you. What would you do instead? What does ‘have fun’ mean? She sounds so interesting and sweet, I would love to chat with her about all these things.
And please, if you dislike who she is so much, just do her a favor and break up with her.” 12kindsoftrouble
