People Are Curious Of What Judgment We're Going To Give Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
20. AITJ For Thinking That I'm Being Taken Advantage Of?
“I (15f, Asian American) and my family are pretty well off.
We live in a 3-story house in a privileged neighborhood. My parents own and manage several successful businesses. They also work very hard for the stuff we have. Before this, we used to have to move all the time and even got evicted once because we couldn’t keep up with bills.
My dad couldn’t even afford to buy new clothes. My two other friends aren’t even necessarily worse off, just average.
They also take my clothes from my closet, thinking that I don’t notice, and lie whenever I question them. I never bring the argument any further because I am a very non-confrontational person and have a hard time making friends.
I try to avoid conflict at all costs. one of them has had my sweatshirt for over 2 weeks now and wears it to school all the time, but still thinks I wouldn’t notice.
Lastly, they always ‘joke’ about how it’s okay to take stuff like food from me at school because ‘it’s okay her family is rich anyways.’ They always guilt trip me and make me feel bad for them.
They make me feel like I’m a terrible person just because my family works hard. They act like I don’t understand any of their struggles when I’ve experienced financial struggles during my childhood too.
Recently, these 2 friends and I went to this concert (which they all wanted to go to).
I provided rides to and back from the concert and I also bought them tickets. they got free tickets and rides at no cost. But during the concert, which is ALL time favorite artist, they complain about how they want to leave and how hungry they are.
I have been waiting to go to this concert for years, and this ruined my experience because I was the only one enjoying it and everything had to be about them.
They want to get food after, but once we drive up to 2 stores, they are all closed. My uncle is getting annoyed because it is 11 pm, so I decide we should drive them home.
They then start whining and complaining about how they don’t have any food at home and how they are starving. I’m annoyed by them because they act like I’m being a jerk just because I won’t get them food. They had time before the concert to eat dinner, so why is it my responsibility to feed them when they could’ve fed themselves?
I ate before the concert because I knew. They knew and could’ve easily used common sense. Not only this, but they just got free tickets and rides. They don’t express any gratitude.
That’s when I snap. I mention this and how they never say thank you, and they deny everything and claim that I’m being dramatic.
My family and I always provide free meals and rides. They think that it shouldn’t be a big deal for me because my family is rich and I don’t know how it feels. I know I let this buildup, but then again, I’m a very turbulent soft-spoken person.
So am I the jerk for calling out my friends when I feel like they are taking advantage of me?”
Another User Comments:
“You are never the jerk when your friends are the ones taking advantage of you. Eventually, anyone would reach their breaking point.
I would have told them that if they needed money that badly if they’re the same age as you, it’s time for them to quit stealing stuff from you and trying to get you to throw money at them and for them actually stop being lazy and to get out and get a job.
It’s not your job to feed them.
It’s not your job to provide them with free rides or free tickets.
It’s not your job to cater to their every whim just because they don’t have as much money and are jealous because they don’t have the things you have.
These aren’t your friends. They are manipulating you and taking advantage of your situation, and you don’t need to put up with it anymore. It’s time to end this friendship.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These people are not your friends.
I understand it’s difficult to make friends, but if they’d really be your friends they would treat you better. If they would be your friends there wouldn’t be a reason to ask the internet if you’re the jerk because the situation would not have happened. Friends don’t take advantage of each other.
They share the love and joy they have for each other as friends and in their lives.
Really. Get your stuff back from them and cut ties with them. You don’t need them in your life. You’re still young, there are plenty of places where there are nice people you can make friends with.
If you don’t want to lose them, try to have a conversation with them. Explain how you feel and what you don’t and also do like about your friendship with them. Maybe if this is spoken about out loud there could be a friendship.
If not or if they keep on profiting off of you, it’s time to leave them behind.” Itsallormuffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you are a doormat. You let these people take advantage of you because you don’t want them angry at you for living comfortably.
They don’t care if you know struggling or not it is their way of getting anything they want out of you, and you let them.
Stop trying to be nice to people who are not nice to you, the saying goes ‘TREAT OTHERS THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!’ Don’t invite them over to your house anymore because these are not your friends, they are using you, and don’t care about you.
Tell them from now on you will no longer be sponsoring them and if they take anything else from you, you will press charges. THEN GET AS FAR AWAY FROM THEM AS YOU CAN!
Good luck you deserve better, find it and be happy.” Public-Muffin2832
19. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Bed For My Dad And His Partner?
“I and my partner are hosting a family NYE party this year. We don’t live close to the people in our family who are coming so her family is getting an air bnb and my dad and his partner will be staying at ours on our sofa bed.
Yesterday my dad (who’s visiting on his own right now) tells me that his partner doesn’t really like partying so would likely need to crash on my and my partner’s bed before everyone else – and us (me and my partner) to take the sofa bed. I said no off the bat because I just found it an odd request, to be honest, our flat is two rooms and a bathroom so our bedroom would be off-limits to everyone.
He said I’d be a bad host if I didn’t let them stay in our bed but I’d just feel uncomfortable with it (and when I’m hungover I know I want to be in my own space.
LOL). AITJ?
Edit: Unfortunately, our doors don’t have locks on and because we rent it would be unlikely for us to fit locks ourselves. However, we are considering laying a bunch of boxes, plug-in radiators, scattered makeup from getting ready, and dirty laundry on our bed to deter any ‘accidental laydowns’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I can see why he would request it if he needs to go to bed early but there’s a party going on and it’s not going to be quiet regardless. He needs to find an Airbnb if he needs to sleep.
If he capitulates and agrees to the sofa bed now but when he gets there all of a sudden he needs your bed… I would leave 2-4 week grotty old sheets on your bed with food stains (hey you can tell him he agreed to the sofa bed).
Make sure you make the bed good so there is no realization that the sheets are disgusting till he decides to get in!” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Look, you want to host, fair enough. Your dad is telling you that he is not feeling comfortable with the arrangements you made for your guests (AKA him and his partner).
You are not obligated to give them your bed, but they are also not obligated to ever visit again if they don’t think you are a good host. So as long you are fine with your dad declining future invitations, there is no problem here.
But from your story, I get the feeling you don’t really want to host guests at all, so why did you invite your dad and his partner in the first place? It sounds to me that you see your guests as a burden you want to get rid of as fast as possible, to be honest.” Every_Caterpillar945
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You never have to share your bed. Plus it’s not just your bed, it’s your partner’s too. Locking off your bedroom and office space during a party is not only acceptable, but it is also wise.
If your father’s partner is not comfortable with what you have offered, they need to make other plans instead of trying to kick you and your partner out of your bedroom.” justmeat23
18. AITJ For Skipping My Stepson's Wedding And Staying Home With My Children?
“I have been married to my husband for 25 years. He has two children from his first marriage. Kai is 28, and Mia is 27. My husband’s first marriage ended during the pregnancy with Mia when his ex moved another man into their home.
She told my husband to leave and she was planning to marry the other guy. A DNA test was done when Mia was born, and another was done on Kai later, custody was decided and the divorce was finalized when Mia was still a baby.
I met him 6 months later and we married after a year together.
My husband’s ex made our lives miserable. She alienated the kids from me, we were in and out of court, and therapy, and they were always placed in mediation and co-parenting classes to try and get them to a better place.
Nothing helped. Her second husband left and that only made her worse. Then she married again but that also ended.
My relationship with my stepkids breaks my heart. I love them, I have always tried to be a respectful and loving stepparent who doesn’t talk bad about their mom, overstep my place or assume they would love me the same as their parents.
But I hoped we would be close. They have been rude or distant and cold. But I loved them regardless and my husband took the lead with them. When my husband and I had our own two children together they did not bond with them but we still hoped time and therapy would help some kind of relationship form.
Now my stepson is due to get married. He told my husband our kids were not invited since it was a child-free wedding. But then he told me what I could not wear (because the two mothers were going to match the theme and I am not counted in that), that I would not be given a corsage to wear so people would know I was not one of the parents, he said I would not be mentioned in any of the toasts, I was not welcome to give a toast, that the photos with the parents and immediate family would not include me and after my husband asked him why he was making such a big deal out of this he said I needed to know my place and then admitted he didn’t even want me there.
So I made the decision not to attend and instead stay home with my children. I have reached a breaking point where I just no longer see a future where we might get along better and clearly I am not wanted at all.
But my husband’s family are furious and say I was invited so I should go.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband’s son is entitled to his feelings and his preferences regarding you and the role you play in his life, as unfair or unwarranted as they might be in your eyes.
And if he was simply being honest about his feelings, then he wouldn’t have invited you. This isn’t it. This is plain mistreatment: he invited you, but then went out of his way to express all the multiple ways in which he plans to dig the ‘you’re not my mommy’ knife into your heart, publicly humiliate you in front of family and friends, and exclude you and your children in every possible way.
That’s just malicious, and quite concerning from a man who is almost 30 and is about to become someone’s husband. He needs help.
You can tell the family the reason you’re not going (that he openly said he doesn’t really want you to), or you can just ignore them.
But you’re NTJ and not attending this wedding is the right decision. You would only be victimizing yourself and giving him the pleasure of hurting you.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I feel you are actually doing the right thing by not going and supporting your husband in going.
A child-free wedding is absolutely fine, your kids are not being excluded if it is the wedding they want.
Some of the requests are reasonable about photos and wedding roles… if the animosity wasn’t there it could have been seen as a decent heads-up or useful info.
I would take the high road and let people know that you are respecting the bride and groom and making sure there is no drama at the wedding. Send your love, and make sure the wedding present is from you both.
It does sound like you have tried really hard to avoid the drama, the kids have been poisoned by their mum and there is nothing that will change that. Keep avoiding the drama.” squirlysquirel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were invited because you are expected to be there as the stepmother.
People will wonder and talk about you not being there. The invite is to protect him from being embarrassed by his action if he didn’t invite you. You are being used to paint a pretty picture over an ugly canvas!
He said he didn’t want you there, and no there is turmoil because you won’t attend. Why go where you are not truly wanted!?
He has already made you feel uncomfortable. There is no reason to continue feeling uncomfortable at his wedding.
Plan something fun to do with your kids, and make it a great day!” User
17. AITJ For Telling My Stepson He's Entitled?
“My (51m) wife (56f) have been married for five years and we each have two children from our previous marriages. My children are in their upper twenties and hers are well into their thirties. None of them have ever lived with us and they are all living on their own.
After getting married my wife and I purchased a farm that we currently live on. The problem is that my stepson has laid claim to everything we own by calling it ‘ours’. We were sitting at the table and we were looking at a magazine and saw something he liked in it.
He looked at me and said, ‘We need this on our farm’. He has referred to everything this way. Our farm, our cows, our tractor, our truck, our pond, our workshop. You get the idea. One day he told me he needed the truck to haul something.
He was referring to my pick-up. In my mind I was thinking couldn’t you ask me to borrow my truck like most people would instead of telling me you’re taking it?
The final straw was when he went into my workshop and rearranged stuff and made adjustments to some equipment I have without me knowing about it.
I sent him a text and blew up at him telling him that he was entitled and had no respect for the stuff that his mom work hard to have. I told him that because his mom and I own something it doesn’t mean that he also owns it.
I also told him to never make changes to my equipment without talking to me about it first. He told me to shut up and that he never really liked me anyway. He was just nice to me because of his mom.
I could understand if he was ten years old and lived with us. However, he’s in his mid-thirties and has never lived with us or on our farm. Is this normal behavior?
My wife thinks I’m the jerk for blowing up him.
Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s an adult that’s acting like he’s 10. You were rightfully upset and had to set the boundaries straight since this is habitual. My biggest concern is your wife since her son was raised believing this is acceptable behavior.
You need to talk with your wife and explain why you feel the way you do. Hopefully, she can at least see your perspective then you can go from there on how to handle this together in the future.” IntoTheSinBinForYou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Would it be ok if you went to his home and rearranged his kitchen, changed the settings on his tv, and announced you were using his car? No, and you wouldn’t. He is an adult and had probably done these things with his mom’s place his entire life.
You and your wife need to get on the same page with boundaries, and what’s acceptable, and then she needs to follow through with her son. Not tell him oh, you know I would let you do X, it’s OP and we just need to deal with it.
You two are a team. Her son is an adult and needs to start acting like one.
Make sure he doesn’t have a set of keys to the house, cars, etc.” travelkmac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not normal, it is a sign that a son has been boundary stomping and laying claim to everything belonging to his mother.
He probably believes when she’s gone, everything will belong to him. Or when you pass away, everything goes to his mum, ie HIM. These kinds of entitled people can be very dangerous when they are so possessive as to march into your workshop and rearrange everything and thinks he can use THE truck whenever he wants.
You may need to ban him from the farm for some time to separate his ownership of it from his mind.” Which_Pudding_4332
Please go now and even if your wife doesn't agree, make a will just in case and store it somewhere safe so it cant be destroyed or lost
16. AITJ For Not Taking My Son To Visit His Dad At The Hospital?
“My ex was hospitalized after an accident. His family called me and asked me to bring my son to see him as they thought he would want to see him when he woke up.
My son is only 3 and I didn’t want him to be traumatized by seeing his dad in a bad state so I decided to go see him myself first.
When I arrived his family was upset that I hadn’t brought my son with me but seeing my ex like that was hard for me and I don’t exactly have fond feelings for him so I didn’t think it was a good idea for my son to visit until he was out of the hospital. I told his family I wouldn’t bring my son hoping they would understand but they were all angry with me for not thinking about what my ex wanted.
My ex’s mother, who I’ve remained close with since we separated, told me I was a selfish woman and a bad wife. I’m trying not to let what they said get to me since emotions were running high but now my ex has asked me directly to bring our son and I said no which has caused his family to be angry at me all over again even though he’s going to go home soon and I said I would bring him to visit once he’s at home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First, not a jerk for going to see him first without your son to assess the situation. Seeing a parent- or anyone- severely injured can be traumatizing, and no matter how many times you say ‘daddy will be okay’ the visual says otherwise.
Second, after assessing the situation, you decided it did look bad and not good for your son to see him. If he is stable and likely to go home, then this is the right course of action for your son, because it isn’t like a ‘final goodbye’ scenario.
Finally, your son doesn’t benefit from seeing his dad in the hospital. He is 3 and doesn’t really understand what is going on. If he was older or asked to see his dad to make sure he was okay, then of course you should take him.
But this is purely for your ex’s benefit of just wanting to see his kid… or more likely the family who have decided that your son should be there because that is what family does.
I cannot tell you the times we sat at the hospital as kids, for what my mother now calls ‘the vigil’, which isn’t waiting for someone to pass, but just all sitting around in awkward silence while the patient is just chilling but GOD FORBID someone isn’t there because the family must at all times be present and observing.
It was so stupid, so annoying, and as a patient later I can tell you it is not helpful-bring my the chocolates and let me rest!” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he’s your child, not your ex-MIL’s, although I kind of think I know one reason why she’s ‘ex’ now.
They don’t get to make the call, you do. Bringing him to visit after hospital release is a perfectly appropriate compromise. Has anyone even checked about whether kids that young are allowed in the hospital? Because some places have age limits.
Either because they don’t want to deal with screaming children, or the fact that kids can’t help being little Petri dishes and could spread illness to already badly off patients.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are protecting your son.
You didn’t exactly say no altogether, you just said it’s not best to bring him to the hospital. Your plan is to take your son to see him when he is healed enough to be home. The injuries sound extensive enough that if you are having a hard time, there is no way a 3-year-old is going to be able to process this and cope.
He’s only going to see daddy’s boo-boo and it could be potentially traumatic for him.” DreamyDragonfly77
Imagine roles reversed. You're in the hospital and are stable and out of danger but they are not quite ready to sign your discharge papers. You have just been through something traumatic and potentially life changing and ALL you want us to see your little boy. His smile, his eyes, hold his little hand. But no, your ex says you have to wait longer for no real concrete reason.
YTA for still onsisting he has to be home first. Hospitals are a normal part of life. We all end up in them eventually.
15. AITJ For Not Comforting My Wife?
“I have three children; 15,11 and 3.
My (35) partner (28) have been together for 10 years.
We have 50/50 custody of the two eldest.
Nearly 4 years ago we had a rough patch and a one-night stand is what led to my youngest being born, we’ve got full custody, but my wife is all she knows as her mother.
All children call my wife their mum, she’s a great parent; she got the eldest into gymnastics and swimming, she does their homework with them and they’re really close – it’s nice to see. It’s hard to explain exactly how she’s a good parent.
She just is.
We found out we were expecting 8 months ago, and this caused our youngest to start acting out (nursery teachers told us it was completely normal for young children to regress when big news happens). 7 months into our pregnancy we lost the baby, it upset me but it’s completely devastated my wife… she acts like everything’s normal, but she’s crying herself to sleep.
I don’t have the emotional bandwidth anymore, I’m exhausted. We just lost a child, not just her.
I’d been trying to get ready for work, while my wife got the youngest ready and I guess we were having a rough morning because I heard my youngest tell my wife ‘you’re not my mum, you don’t love me.
Obviously not exact wordings, but it’s not the first time she’s told my wife this (we don’t even know how the youngest knows this).
I went to work, and when I came back the eldest told us that my wife dropped the youngest off at nursery and then locked herself in our room, and apparently had been crying for a few hours then left… I messaged her and got told ‘thanks for helping me this morning, I’m staying with my mother.
I’m not in the mood to help with your child at the moment since you don’t help me/tell her I’m her mother’.
Youngest deserves to know her background, we’ve tried to explain to her stepmother, etc but she’s young, she’ll understand when she’s older.
I explained that I had work, she’s handled it before but I’ve been left on read. I apologized, and didn’t realize she was so unhappy but said at the end of the day youngest lost her sibling too and it’s been a difficult transition, we’re looking into family counseling.
I did say I’d appreciate her not having the eldest witness her being this upset next time as she’s still a child.
If I’ve left any info out I’ll answer, my hands are greasy and it’s hard to type!
It was a casual morning, she usually handles getting them ready and we’ve had issues like this before that she’s handled, honestly sometimes hearing things like this has become white noise now because I know my wife can handle it when I’ve got to work.
Edit: the reason I say not to be as upset in front of my eldest is that the eldest went to her biological mum and told her she was worried about her mum (my wife) which I don’t think is fair.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight.
You had an affair and had a child with a stranger. Instead of leaving you, your wife decides to step up and raise your child for you.
Your wife suffered a stillbirth at 7 months a month ago and has been depressed to the point that she’s crying herself to sleep at night.
The child, whom your wife had no obligation to raise, has started acting out and you heard her yell at your wife that she’s not the child’s real mom, and you ‘did nothing’ except decide ‘welp, this is her problem, I’m going to work!’
Then when you finally did address the situation you didn’t talk to your child, you complained to your wife that she should be more compassionate because your child lost its sibling and that she needs to suffer silently instead of getting upset in front of a teenager.
Dude, this is next-level jerkiness. YTJ. You should be kissing your wife’s feet every night out of gratitude that she didn’t leave your sorry butt to be a single parent to three kids. I recommend counseling for you and the kids and a divorce attorney for her.” Known-Specialist-735
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You had to work and you don’t appreciate having your eldest witness her being upset? You have got a lot of gall. She raising YOUR affair baby. She has lost her bio child and YOUR affair baby is screaming at her about not being her mom and she doesn’t love her and the best excuse you can come up with is you had to work and it’s happened before so it’s no big deal. I notice you used the phrase ‘I guess we were having a rough morning’.
Nah, dude you were having a fine morning while your wife is getting screamed at by YOUR affair baby.
And you don’t appreciate your eldest witnessing her be upset? Why not? Being upset after an emotionally trying day is completely normal. Maybe instead of lecturing her via text, you should ask what you could to help.
You should hope your wife forgives you. You should beg for forgiveness because you don’t sound like a very nice partner, with the affair babies and telling your wife how she’s allowed to act.” Lazuli_Rose
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You are being incredibly insensitive to your wife. She just lost pregnancy a month ago and every day she cares for a child whose very existence reminds her of the rough patch that you guys had (and maybe that you had an affair, I’m not sure of the situation here) and this child calls her mom and she has to act like this child’s mom, but this child also regularly reminds her that she is not her mom… And all you had to say to her was sorry that you’re upset but we’re going to family counseling and don’t let the oldest kids see you cry?
And you’re confused about why she’s deeply hurt by this behavior? Yikes.” NotSoSaintly13
14. AITJ For Calling Out My Step-Family's Dirty Laundry On Thanksgiving?
“I’m 29F, the players are my mom, step-dad, and four step-siblings (35M, 37M, 40F, 42M) and their families. I’m the black sheep in that I’m the only one not married with kids, but that’s my preference.
I love living alone, I don’t want kids, and having a partner just isn’t that important to me. My family has been asking me when I’m going to get a man and settle down since I was 19 and the answer has always been ‘ew, never.’
I was going to skip Thanksgiving, but my mom insisted that she wanted everyone home this year if possible so I went. It was the usual drill, but the youngest step-brother and his wife are having another kid so that was the big announcement.
This was fine until around the end of dinner one of the step-SILs asks if I’m not anxious to have kids since I’m almost 30 and time is running out. I laughed and said, ‘Nah, I’m good.’ That led to one of the step-brothers saying that every family needs an old maiden aunt and some other comments I didn’t appreciate.
I said let’s move on, but my mom said ‘We’re just worried about you.’
This is where I’m possibly the jerk. I know all the family dirt so I said, ‘Well, I’m the only person at this table that’s not a heavy drinker, unfaithful, or constantly broke because I have more kids than I can afford so I’m not one to worry about.’
And that’s how I brought Thanksgiving to a dead halt and no one said a thing for the rest of dinner, but my texts are radioactive still.
I feel like it was probably riding the line and my mom says this has caused a lot of problems among the siblings, but also they kinda started it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family simply got back what they dished out.
Your Mom insisted you join them for Thanksgiving. That wasn’t your plan or what you wanted, but you were a good soul and agreed.
To make you feel welcome and happy to be with your family on a big holiday, your family started with inappropriate comments and digs.
Putting you on the spot with everyone watching.
You asked them to stop and then the Mom who insisted on family unity doubled down on the implied criticism. They played an unwanted family game with you and won unwanted prizes.
On the upside, you may have a permanent pass from upcoming family gatherings. I’d take that as a win.” MariaLynd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What you said was definitely a 100, it wasn’t like you went 0-100 immediately. You said let’s move on, you tried to disengage, but they kept insisting.
At that point, they were being jerks, so it’s totally fine for you to slap back; that’s the jerk equivalent of self-defense.
Don’t apologize until they do, in which case just do a mild, secondary apology after theirs. But you were totally justified in going hard to stop their awful treatment, so don’t you dare apologize unless they really come to you with peace first.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I think a lot of people perpetuate harmful behavior because they see it as just some inevitable result of ‘human nature’. When some of us make decisions to avoid those behaviors and the social constructs that reinforce them, we are seen as betraying some social contract.
You don’t have to be in a romantic relationship. You don’t have to have kids. You don’t have to take that stress and dysfunction into your life. And if someone tries to tell you otherwise it is totally OK to point out the pitfalls of those choices and make it clear that you do not plan on taking on the same struggles that they have made.
Even if that makes them uncomfortable.” MrsEsterhouse69
13. AITJ For Making My Husband's Family Feel Guilty?
“I was an affair baby though it’s complicated. My mom was not married, she was actually divorced from my sister’s bio dad but they were back together and had my sister. Mom treated him like crap. He left her and then I was born a few months later.
When I was 6 months old my mom got arrested. The man I have known as my dad my whole life, my sister’s bio dad, did not want us to grow up apart so he took me in. My bio is a piece of work.
He had a son after me and was trying to use him to get to me. Dad tried to help us have contact but bio showed to be not a good parent and so dad reported him to CPS. Dad ended up adopting him too.
So the three of us were raised together. My sister the only bio of dad’s but us not caring because he treated all three of us the same.
I am used to comments about me not being dad’s real daughter or how he only adopted my brother because he wanted a son if he had to raise two girls (where we grew up people were nosy, gossiped a lot, and were unafraid of being mean).
But I have always loved that the people closest to me never saw us as less of a true family and never said those hurtful things.
I’m married and my husband is one of those people who was never awful about it.
But his family was confused the first time they met us and we were clearly not a bio family. They expected me to have my husband’s dad walk me down the aisle at my wedding, said how sad it is I never knew my dad, and have many other comments about not having a real parent.
My husband and I took a break from them because they would not listen to him and stop saying those things. They apologized and we had just started being around them again when they said our future children would at least have two grandparents.
My husband said our kids would have three. They brushed him off. So we were done again. But I was so mad that I really leaned in on what they were saying. I pointed out how terrible it is to have a dad who loves his kids regardless of the b***d and instead two criminal parents would have been better, parents who would not be good to their kids, and I went into details about just how bad things would have been with bio and how messed up my mom is.
I wanted them to feel bad for ever implying the man who saved my brother and me and who raised us was less our parent. And it worked. They were mad though and said on top of depressing everyone I was a jerk for trying to make them feel bad.
My husband thought it was amazing because it really stopped them in their tracks.
But now I feel like I might have gone too far, especially with the anger his family showed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. It’s sad, frustrating, and disrespectful how they kept ignoring and invalidating your and your brother’s relationship with your father.
It’s condescending too that they expected your FIL to walk you down the aisle when you have a wonderful father perfectly able willing and able to do so.
‘I am used to comments about me not being dad’s real daughter’
People who cannot process that being a real family isn’t about whether you’re related by b***d or not, are incredibly sad people.
By the way, your hubby is def a keeper.” fancythat012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, how wonderful that you had a dad to love you and take care of you and your siblings when your bio parents were not able to.
This is a very lucky situation that doesn’t happen often and you should be able to celebrate it with your family and loved ones instead of being made to feel bad or having to defend yourself or your dad. Your husband’s parents don’t seem like great people so maybe you can cut ties and if you and your husband are ok then he and your future kids can keep a very basic relationship with them (if your husband’s parents can be civil).
Please remember this: you don’t have to suffer just because you married their son.” ectof
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone keeps saying how amazing your husband is and how lucky you are, but I hope both of you recognize the reverse is also true.
To come from a situation like yours with the strength that you’ve displayed just in this short post shows a lot of grit and personal fortitude. I imagine that standing up to your in-laws isn’t the only way those personal qualities come through in your life.
Not to mention, the loyalty and love you have for your dad bode very well for a long and happy marriage. Congratulations! I wish you all the best.” Pintsize90
12. AITJ For Not Inviting My Parents To My Wedding?
“My partner and I (both 27) have been together for almost six years and recently we decided to get married. My parents have never liked her, or anything about my life to be fair.
I’m an informatic engineer, but they resent me for not becoming a doctor like my sister, and I broke up with their ‘favorite girl’ (AKA my mean ex) when I was 18. When I told them about the wedding, my mom immediately asked to help my partner choose her dress.
Now, my partner has been trying really hard to please them, even though I’ve told her I don’t care, so she accepted. I explained to her my worries about the whole thing, but she decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.
My mom went out with her, her mother, and her two best friends. Two hours later, my partner comes back home crying. She said my mom had done nothing but insult her the whole time, calling her fat and ugly.
She also said something along the line of ‘my son shouldn’t be with a fat pig like you’.
My partner had an eating disorder as a teen (and my mom KNOWS that), so that was particularly cruel of her. I got so mad I called my parents and told them not to bother coming to my wedding at all.
Now almost my entire family is accusing me of having exaggerated, my sister thinks I’m too sensitive when it comes to my partner and my dad called me to scream at me because I’m a ‘terrible son who’s taking them away the chance to attend their son’s most important day.’ AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely NTJ for not inviting parents who express their disappointment in your career and choice of partner openly. Further, it would be pretty jerkish to invite them after your partner, trying her best to be nice to them, getting called names and insulted by your mother the whole time.
That would be ignoring her very real feelings on the issue.
It’s great that you’re taking your partner’s feelings into consideration over your obviously exhausting, entitled parents who can’t even see your partner as a person or your career as valid.
I hope you guys have a great wedding.” DjinnOftheBeresaad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Good for you for supporting your fiance. If they can’t be nice to her before the wedding there’s no guarantee they’ll be nice to her during the wedding.
At the price of these things, do you really want your day ruined because your mom said something rude or did something atrocious? If they can’t get over a breakup that happened nine years ago, I wouldn’t even be surprised if they invited her to the wedding just to mess things up more.
Engineering is a good field too. It’s super weird that they’re not pleased.” mystical_princess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You don’t need their permission or their approval to do anything in life. Your mother is a jerk and she could cause a medical setback to your fiancé, maybe even her untimely death.
CUT THESE TOXIC PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE! What did her mother do the whole time your mother was insulting her? As for your dad, tell the jerk that perhaps he should be talking to his not-so-better half about why she’s the cause of all this.
Maybe someone should zero in on your sister’s shortcomings and see how she’ll feel about herself. Your fiancé was trying to win their approval. Tell her to stop, because I’m sorry to say, your family isn’t worth it.
By the way, if your mother is doing this to her during wedding dress shopping, imagine the vitriol she’ll spew on your wedding day.
Think of that and then ask yourself if you did the right thing.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
11. AITJ For Parking My Car In My Driveway?
“I mostly ride a motorcycle. But I have a piece of work Sunfire that I keep for grocery shopping or really bad weather.
I was out doing my groceries and when I came home there was someone parked in my driveway. It’s really not that big a deal to me. So I parked behind them and brought my stuff into the house. I watched a hockey game.
Then a friend invited me over.
And I completely spaced. I went to my garage that faces my alley not the driveway in front of my mouse. And I took off on my motorcycle. The next day I got home around noon.
When I checked my mail I saw notes in my mailbox and on my car. I had trapped some poor guy in my driveway. I honestly felt bad about it. I moved my car onto the street.
Until my neighbor came over to yell at me for trapping her daughter’s SO in my driveway.
I apologized and mentioned that I had been home for nearly four hours before I left and they could have asked me to move at any time and I would have.
She said she saw me come home but didn’t want to bother me until it was time for him to leave.
And when they came around ten at night I wasn’t home. And they don’t have my number.
I apologized again but now I feel kind of stupid because they were parked on my property. And they chose to wait nearly four hours.
What if I was home but asleep? I think that it was kind of a jerk move to trap the car. But it was an accident.
I think that they are jerks for not asking to get the car out as soon as I came home.
AITJ?
EDIT: The reason I mentioned that I have a crappy car is that where I live if you park on the street your car will probably get scratched. My neighbors have parked in my driveway before and I have asked them to move if I need the car.
But like I said I usually ride my motorcycle everywhere.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People parking in your driveway without your express permission are always in the wrong. The fact that they also waited for hours before doing anything about it – as it got later and more likely you’d be inconvenienced by having to go move your car no less – is all on them.
The guy learned an important lesson about being a responsible driver – it doesn’t end when you shut off the engine.” gavrielkay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would have stopped mid-apology to say ‘wait why am I apologizing to you for using my own driveway?’ And then just left. You were much nicer about your reaction to the whole scenario that they put themselves in for not considering that they literally do not own your driveway.
They should actually be thanking you for not towing the car at their own expense. I would rather be blocked in due to my own hubris than towed for the same reason. Don’t feel bad about their entitlement and pat yourself on the back for having far more empathy than most people in this situation.” CauliflowerOld2025
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – stay tf out of my driveway, problem solved. It’s not up to me to hunt you down when I need to use my car or my own driveway. You took a chance that it would work out and it didn’t… not on me.
But given your rude reaction to me and your refusal to own that this is 100% a problem that you created by parking in my driveway without permission – let me be clear… stay out of my driveway. Next time I’ll tow it.” chuckinhoutex
10. AITJ For Leaving My Friend At The Airport?
“I (20f) and my friend, Emma (f22) recently went on a trip to California.
She asked if I wanted to go on the trip with her because we’d stay with one of her other friends (Lena, 24f) and go sightseeing. I agreed, we booked our tickets, and she commuted to my city where we’d be taking off from and staying the night.
She told me her ticket back was a lot later in the day on the day we get back to the city, and I told her not to worry, she can stay with me and I’ll take her to the station.
I told her specifically that I wanted to go see the Golden Gate Bridge and the Japanese Tea Garden. Her friend’s parents housed us at their house so we’d have more room and privacy, and she also picked us up from the airport, prepared gifts for us, and excitedly told us that she was so happy to have guests.
We saw the bridge twice, the Japanese Tea Garden, Ghirardelli Square, Japan Town, the Pier, and tons more, and took tons of pictures. Emma always asked if I wanted my picture taken in front of things, and offered to retake or take more photos if I was unhappy with them.
After the trip, someone had taken Emma’s carry-on, which had everything she brought. When I grabbed mine, Emma said, ‘OP, my carry-on isn’t here’, and I didn’t really think much of it. It was a long flight, I was tired, and it was super early in the morning.
She said that she wanted to try and find it before the person who took it left with it, and she hurried off. I didn’t see her past customs, so I left to meet my partner who was picking us up, and left without her.
Eventually, I messaged her and told her that she could find her own way back to the station. Emma was confused and said that she was supposed to go back with me and my partner since her train was later, and she was just waiting for flight staff to get her carry-on back and if I was leaving her there.
I asked her what she wanted me to do, run after her. She said that she just wanted a bit of understanding that she had her carry-on taken because everything she brought was in the bag and it was a stressful situation.
I snapped back and said that the trip we went on wasn’t even to sightsee, it was just so she could see her friend, and she responded that we went to see everything I specifically wanted to see and more.
Further, Emma said that Lena hosted us well and drove us around the entire week we were there, housed us, her parents fed us breakfast in the mornings, and Lena paid for all the gas, parking, and tolls. I can admit that I was a little passive-aggressive, but she went on to say that if my luggage was taken, she would be with me as support: I said well it’s not my fault she lost her luggage.
Emma hasn’t spoken to me since and has since removed me from everything. I don’t think I was wrong, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
‘She told me her ticket back was a lot later in the day on the day we get back to the city, and I told her not to worry, she can stay with me and I’ll take her to the station.’
She communicated this beforehand and you said it was okay.
All of a sudden her bag was lost and you didn’t have the decency to stay and see what the staff said. Would’ve taken all of 10-20 minutes. Through her friend connection, she basically got you a huge discount on the trip.
You even got to see the sights you wanted to see. And you were with your friend and her other friend which was most important.
Regardless if you had a nice time or not or how you felt about this other friend, that’s no way to treat someone.
All you had to do was communicate and maybe say let’s give it 5 more minutes but you doubt the staff will be helpful and she files a lost baggage claim. That’s all there was to it. And you handled it like you were the one treated like crap.
‘I can admit that I was a little passive-aggressive’
You acted like a jerk to your friend, who’s no longer your friend.” MilkCartonDandruff
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re a crap friend OP. Like completely. I don’t know why you even posted considering you don’t think you were wrong.
You were not passive-aggressive OP you were a full-on jerk. You wouldn’t have even gotten to see and do all that you did because SHE is the one who asked you to come along. All this stuff is done for you by her, her other friend, AND that friend’s family and this is how you repay her?
Yeah, she was right to drop you as a friend and I hope your mutual friends have heard about your behavior.” LhadyLoki
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You snobbishly abandoned a girl with no money or way to defend herself in an airport and when she very politely explained to you how stupid and careless your actions were, you bit her head off.
You didn’t snap back, that would imply she was out of order, to begin with, but she wasn’t. You’re a gaslighting narcissist and a truly despicable human…
You had responsibilities according to decency and you failed.
It’s a shame cancer doesn’t exclusively target horrible people.” ImNothingJustLikeYou
9. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Get Out Of Her Own Head?
“I’m (45f) a mom to three children.
My daughter Eden is 20, almost 21, and my sons are 18 and 16 years old.
Eden is an incredibly bright girl, I’m so proud of her. She’s in school full time, in the honor society, and she has a 3.8gpa. She’s about to graduate with her BA a year early, and she plans on going right back to school for either another BA or her Masters.
Starting in June, she ended up in and out of the ER a few times. Her last visit there was in August. She was having some abdominal pain, she could barely keep anything down, and she would faint too. She was exhausted 24/7, and she barely did anything other than sleep and study.
The doctors have been running all sorts of tests trying to figure out what was wrong, but everything has come back completely normal.
They ran some more extensive tests a while ago, and today she had an appointment to talk to the doctor about the results.
She called me after the appointment and told me that the doctor told her they thought she had functional abdominal pain and she was going to work with them on ways to treat it. I asked her to explain to me what that was, and what it more or less boils down to is her stressing herself out so bad that her body physically hurts.
Eden has always been a worrier, she panics about everything only for it to turn out just fine in the end, she overthinks all the time. So I told her that if she didn’t like feeling so awful all of the time, she needed to get out of her own head and try not to worry 24/7.
She got upset and told me that it wasn’t just something that was ‘in her head’, that it was causing her physical issues, and that it was going to take more than just trying not to worry about things to make it stop.
I said that if being anxious was making her have fainting episodes, bouts of exhaustion, and nausea, then it really was something that was in her head and the way to solve it would be to stop overthinking all the time.
Eden said she didn’t want to talk about it anymore because she wasn’t feeling well and she just wanted to go home and sleep. She ended up texting me when she got home and saying that she wished I wasn’t so dismissive of her problems, and that my saying that it’s just ‘in her head’ is upsetting to her.
I replied back saying that just because it’s upsetting, doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. She hasn’t responded since.
Am I being too insensitive with this? I mean the problem really is that she’s stuck in her own head too much.
Does it make me a jerk to tell her that?
Edit: I called Eden (she didn’t answer) and left her a voicemail apologizing for being dismissive of what she was going through. Admittedly I don’t understand the ins and outs of all this, and I know that I must have dropped the ball somewhere down the line as she was growing up for her worrying/overthinking to have gotten to this point.
I don’t mean to ignore my daughter’s illness or blame her for it. This is the most withdrawn and sad I’ve ever seen her, I want her to be well again. Obviously, I’ve been expressing that to her in the wrong ways.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! In a world where women are constantly told ‘it’s all in your head, go take an aspirin and a nap’, you should be advocating for her not browbeating her. Women are constantly in the news for being ignored or downplayed by their doctors and family until suddenly, ‘you have stage four cancer, sorry we ignored you and didn’t take you seriously sooner, you have X amount of time to live’.
Call your daughter and apologize immediately! And tell her she doesn’t need to keep working herself to the point of risking a hospital stay, that you are proud of her.” Unusual_Variant
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Functional abdominal pain is a physical condition that can be triggered and worsened by stress, but it is, at its core, a physical condition.
And if it has sent her to the ER multiple times it is obviously causing her a lot of pain and suffering. It’s a very real thing she’s going through, and she needs treatment – medication, diet changes, and therapy.
And she needs support and understanding from her mother. You telling her to ‘just get out of her head and stop worrying’ is about as helpful as telling someone with asthma to ‘just breathe’.
While I understand your intentions are good, it does come off as an incredibly dismissive and insensitive reaction.
And I can totally understand why she would be upset by it. You doubling down and dismissing her when she expressed that to you certainly doesn’t help matters.” Grand-Management-720
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – while her stress level is most likely the culprit of her ailments (stress, unfortunately, will come out in other ways if you don’t deal with it) instead of stressing her out more with the ‘get out of your own head’ advice – tell her ways to help ease it!
Encourage her to try yoga or running, or other forms of exercise or meditation. I’m afraid if she doesn’t change her ways, she may cause herself some serious medical issues. She needs to learn some coping skills too – maybe encourage her to seek some weekly therapy for a while.
No shame in getting help to better manage life stresses! Good luck!” DLCMotroni
8. AITJ For Not Going On A Cabin Vacation With My Family For Christmas?
“I (17F) have split parents (both 37). Since I was three, my mother has lived 1000+ miles away. My paternal family tells me she left me when in reality she lost her job and wouldn’t be able to pay her bills, so she had no choice but to move back to where her mom was since her mother could help her get a job.
My father offered to help her move if she signed over full custody.
Due to this, I haven’t seen my mom much growing up, and being raised by a young man with no knowledge of how to raise a girl without a mother is difficult.
My mom moved again when I was 14 (same amount of miles, just a different direction). She now lives around 3 hours from my paternal great-grandmother, so it’s been easier for me to see her more often because my family is more willing to see their family and just drop me off with my mom.
My uncle recently passed away at 35 because of a work accident, and ever since my family has decided they want to be more close-knit. They planned this cabin trip for Christmas and were really hoping I’d go.
I so badly wanted to go on this cabin trip, but I already got summer with my mom cut short, and wasn’t able to see her for my birthday.
This left me with two options; Thanksgiving or Christmas (can’t have both because even one is too much to ask for).
Considering my mother was planning to go back to her hometown for Christmas, I decided that I should go with her then.
This made the most sense because for Thanksgiving I’d get to see my great-grandmother maybe one last time, and for Christmas, I’d get to see my other great-grandparents since they’re also getting very old. Reminder, this was NOT an easy decision.
That cabin sounds like an amazing time. My paternal family, however, did not like that.
The first time my grandmother saw me after the decision she immediately started guilt-tripping me. She said I haven’t spent Christmas with my paternal family in ages (I’ve only spent the last two Christmases with my mother.
Every other Christmas has been spent with my paternal family, and I spent a decade without seeing my mother on any of them.) My grandmother claimed that my cousin’s friend (my replacement) loved her more and was her new grandchild.
I then got to watch the rest of my family have fun trying on matching pajamas, guilt-tripping me, and talking about how much fun they were going to have without me. No doubt it’s going to be worse after Christmas when they’re all talking and going ‘it’s a shame you didn’t come’.
I literally just want to see my mother. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I want to send you a big hug… no child or even young adult’s family should do this to them. THIS is unbelievably trashy. You live with your dad and you presumably get to see his side of the family more often.
This sounds like it is your one chance to see the extended maternal side of the family and if you want to do that no one should be asking or guilting you to give it up.
Have you spoken to your father and asked him to make it stop?
If you have and he won’t…
What you could do is this (it’s mean by the way) She wants to emotionally blackmail and threaten you she deserves everything she gets.
When Granny does this to you start crying if you’re a girl, be wet-eyed if a boy though crying would be sooo effective if you can bring yourself to do it and say it in a quiet voice.
‘I am so heartbroken… thought you loved me… I have seen you x times this year and yet unless I am prepared to not see my other grandmother, or great-grandparents at all this year you say you are replacing me with someone else.
You care so little for my feeling that you want me to miss out on possibly my last opportunities to see them by using such awful emotional blackmail… I guess my emotional and mental welfare doesn’t really matter to you.
I am so disappointed and hurt I guess I thought I mattered to you more than that…’
Get up and leave the room and if they try to talk about refusing to discuss it further with this line ‘I am not prepared to talk about it any further it’s too distressing and hurtful, you/she made your/her position extremely clear and I understood and I don’t want to and won’t go over it.’ It is really important you don’t let her or anyone else draw you into a conversation about it after you have had your say… don’t let her defend herself or explain it away.
Work smarter not harder.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are old enough to make your own decisions now, and you have very sound and rational reasons for celebrating Christmas with your mum and great-grandparents. Your mum signing over full custody in exchange for financial help to move away sounds like parental alienation and I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to move a lot closer to your mum once school is finished.
Hold fast OP, state your boundaries firmly, and don’t accept any crap. A grandmother who manipulates you and replaces you with a cousin’s friend at the drop of a hat isn’t worth spending any more time with. How is your dad behaving?
Have a wonderful Christmas OP, making memories with your mum. You two can wear matching pajamas too!” AggravatingPatient18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you are 18 and no longer under their control, you won’t have to submit to their whims! Just keep telling yourself that.
You’ve been given a lot of stuff, and yet the motivation behind it sounds mean. The idea of a young father taking total control of a girl baby sounds extremely cruel, to your mother and to you. Your dad and his enablers don’t seem to consider much about your life and well-being; instead, it’s all about owning you.
NTK. Please consider getting hands on your birth certificate and Social Security card. As long as those two things are in your hands, you will have a lot more freedom from their control.” Purple_Joke_1118
7. AITJ For Learning How To Play A Song For My Roommate's Significant Other?
“So I live with a very good friend in an apartment. We have known each other since middle school and it has overall been a great time.
Recently my roommate started seeing a new girl and has been having her over a lot. She isn’t exactly my cup of tea but she is nice enough.
One night we were talking as a group and she brought up that she wanted to go to a concert.
Of course, I asked what concert, and she named a pretty popular band that had a well-known song with a cool guitar part.
She said that the concert was really expensive and far away so she probably wouldn’t go. I jokingly said I would give her a concert since she couldn’t go.
The conversation turned away from the song after that. From what I could tell my roommate didn’t seem to be upset by what I said.
The next time I was playing guitar I remembered the conversation and decided I was going to learn the song.
It had been a while since I tried and wanted to see if I could.
I added it to the songs I practice when I play and after about a week I could play it pretty well.
That night I said I had a surprise and brought out my guitar and played the song for her.
I only played the popular part of it so it was about a minute of playing.
She said she was impressed and didn’t need to go to the concert because she had me. She asked if I could learn some other songs and I said I would try.
After I put the guitar away my roommate was obviously upset. The next morning he texted me saying that he doesn’t want me to play guitar in front of his SO ever again. Saying I made him look bad because he couldn’t play guitar and the only reason I did that was to steal her from him.
I was pretty shocked I responded that I was in no way trying to do that and learned it because of the conversation we had about the band. Quite frankly I would never ever date his SO for a lot of reasons and he knows this.
Now he is still pretty angry at me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yup, YTJ.
You need to re-examine this whole ‘nice enough but not my cup of tea’ crap. You basically practiced the song she liked. You wanted to impress this girl and you did.
You might not be trying to steal her from your roommate, but you were stealing her attention. You were borderline flirting and she was either flirting back or just being polite.
You don’t mention a significant other of your own, but if you had one she wouldn’t like this any more than your roommate did.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You learned a song for your friend’s SO. It would have been one thing if you already knew it and played it at the moment. But to prioritize her statement, learn a new piece of music, and then surprise her in the form of a grand gesture letting her know it was specifically done for her?
That’s the plot of every movie where the guy is trying to get the girl. The next scene in this movie is you two telling each other ‘You are my music’ while a slow rendition of an 80’s pop song plays in the background.
Even if it wasn’t your intention and you they’ll have no interest in her… the optics aren’t great.
But for someone you say you would never date ever you spend an awfully large amount of time thinking about what she said and putting together something just to make her happy.
The OP doth protest too much, methinks.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here/Everyone sucks here.
Taking everything you say at face value, I think you meant well, and this was your attempt to maybe get along better with someone new.
Without knowing the tone in which things were said, it’s hard to know whether flirting happened or just playful banter.
But from the outside looking in, this does come off as a very nice gesture that is usually made by someone who’s making a move romantically (the word ‘serenade’ comes to mind).
I can sort of understand where the roommate is coming from, though he may be overreacting a tad. I would just be honest with him about your actual intentions and maybe include him in your ideas for his SO going forward.
You can (and should!) be nice to other people’s SOs, but just be aware that somewhere is a line where it’s past just being friendly. I think you found it by accident.” should_be_sleepin
6. AITJ For Continuing Taking The Kids To Physical Activities?
“My husband was in a car accident, which was scary for us. Luckily he will make a full recovery and as of now just has a broken leg. However, the itching has made him very cranky.
So I’m not sure if he’s being irritable or I’m being insensitive.
Our kids are very outdoorsy and have a lot of energy. Our 7-year-old does little league and our 4-year-old does soccer, but they have lots of energy beyond that too.
Lately, whenever the kids ask to go on a bike ride or to the park my husband gets frustrated. Yesterday my husband and I were talking and the 7-year-old said he finished his homework and wanted to go bike riding.
I said I would take him in twenty minutes and to get ready and ask his sister if she wants to come.
Husband was irritated that I didn’t ask him to do a puzzle or board game instead. I said when we get back the kids will have a less restless energy and be more likely to sit still for the duration of a board game.
He rolled his eyes and said, ‘you’re loving being supermom while I look like a lazy do-nothing.’ I said that wasn’t true or fair, but he was upset.
We still watch TV with the kids, play board games, and all of that.
But yes, sometimes they want to go outside. I don’t want to discourage that, because I feel it is healthy. Am I the jerk for not discouraging exercise because of my husband’s temporary injury?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your kids did not break their legs; your husband did.
And if he thinks it’s such a bad thing for them to be out getting exercise, just leave them with him at home all afternoon as they bounce off the walls and he’ll probably beg you to take them out.
I understand your husband isn’t happy about having restrictions on his activities while he heals, but this is childish. I’m sure you are having to do quite a bit more to take care of things while he is laid up and he needs to stop making life harder.
Some people just make lousy patients and I’m just not even going to start on which gender; I’ve seen both ways.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It sounds like your husband may be feeling jealous or resentful, but it’s not your fault.
Does he have a transport chair or something so he can accompany you for walks? Or maybe he can throw the ball and let your kids practice hitting. They’ll have to gather them and bring them back, but my friend and I have done this with our kids and they don’t seem to mind rounding up all the balls.
Stores sell small bags with plastic practice balls, they’re made to not go crazy far. If you have a strong hitter they may, but at that age, it’s not likely.” kimmie1223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normal life needs to continue despite your husband’s injury.
I can understand your husband being frustrated with his physical limitations, but your kids should not suffer because of it. Is there something physical he can do to feel better? Honestly now would be a great time to engage the kids in a pull-up challenge or whatever your husband can physically do.” Independent-Length54
5. WIBTJ If I Sell My Share Of The Business?
“Three years ago I and my fiancee (now ex) started a business together and we split it 50/50. The thing is two weeks ago was our wedding day, I proposed a year ago, I’m the last of my siblings to get married and I was very excited to start my life with her.
I began to get worried when she was 20 minutes late, as punctuality was a big thing for her, the relief I felt when her car showed up was immense which quickly turned into confusion when I saw that she wasn’t wearing her wedding dress.
She told me that she couldn’t marry me anymore as she wasn’t sure that we were right for each other then she gave me back the ring and left. I was understandably crushed and embarrassed as she had done this in front of everyone.
Her sister told me that she went on what was supposed to be our honeymoon and would be back in a few weeks when she came to get ex’s things from my house. So while I’ve been dealing with the fallout of her leaving me at the altar in front of everyone, she’s been off having fun and my brother told me that I should sell my share of the business so that I would never have to deal with her again and I’ve been considering it
So WIBTJ if I sell my share of the business?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all but your best bet is to consult a lawyer on all your available options and what they would mean. You are going to eventually have to have some kind of communication with her about the business (another reason for a lawyer as it can go through them).
You have at least 2 different ways to look at this through. First is your mental, emotional, and even physical health and well-being by being attached to her through your business. The other is your financial well-being, as well as your future.
Also, she may be considering the same things so that she doesn’t have to be connected to you (or not want to in order to have some excuse to stay in contact with you in case she changes her mind, thinking she could get you to take her back or something).
Your best bet, get a lawyer before she gets back.” Nymph-the-scribe
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ
Don’t base a businessfinancial decision on emotions and your want to punish her.
No one plans a wedding planning to abandon it and her going on the honeymoon does not mean she is heartless or doesn’t have regret.
She came and told you in person, which sucked for her and for you.
I would absolutely be speaking to a lawyer and looking for ways to divide the business, but not selling to a stranger within a few weeks so you destroy her or yourself financially.
You need to deal with it like a grown-up.” squirlysquirel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but be smart here. Selling a small business is super hard even in a normal economic climate. In this one unless your growth is hockey stick-like and you’ve got a defensible moat or a niche that you just dominate in, your sale price is going to be pathetic.
In my opinion, give her an offer to buy you out so that she retains majority control and you get to keep an equity stake, in the buyout agreement have a clause that she’s prohibited from shutting down this business and starting a substantially similar one.
In this scenario, the business gets to continue on and you get to collect an effort-free paycheck from her work on top of a payout for selling her a piece of your equity.
Put your feelings aside and be smart.” Individual_Put_3214
4. AITJ For Telling My Brother's Roommate His Christmas Plans Don't Matter?
“My family and I were discussing how we want to celebrate Christmas this year at our weekly family dinner. My brother’s roommate (27? M) joins us for dinner every week.
In previous years, we gathered at my parents’ house around 8 am to open presents and stay until lunch at 1.
I, (24 F) requested that we do something different this year. I have a daughter who is in toddlerhood and I want to open Santa presents with her at our house.
Last year my daughter and I lived at my parents’ house so obviously, it was no big deal and we did our normal thing. Since we have our own home now, I’d like to open presents with her at my house and asked if we could all gather at 2 pm at my parents, do presents, then have dinner at about 5.
This way we’re still spending the same amount of time together. It’s important to note that this is what we did growing up, my brother (26 M) and I would spend the morning at our house and then we would all go to grandma’s for dinner.
When I brought this up, the roommate turned to my brother and said: ‘That doesn’t work, I’ll be at my parents’ house Christmas Eve to Christmas morning’. I said ‘… It doesn’t really matter, does it?’ (Also, how does that conflict?
If he wants to come, he can, if he doesn’t want to come he just stays at home while my brother comes to celebrate Christmas?!) my mom extended the invitation for the roommate to join us for Christmas and then later told me that I was being rude.
I don’t really think so, because this is the way it was when I was growing up, and I think is the way most families do it. I mean, it would be weird to tell my daughter Santa to come to her grandma’s house.
ETA: I don’t believe my brother’s roommate is his significant other. I’m out as bi and my brother has never told me he was bi or gay and does not act like his roommate is his partner.
ETA (2): he was NOT invited before he made that comment.
He’s not in the family group chat and wasn’t involved in the secret Santa name drawing.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I don’t think roommate is just a roommate if your brother wasn’t weird about him inserting himself into the Christmas schedule.
You say you don’t think so, but if he accepts this level of familiarity without complaint, there is more to this relationship than is on the surface of this story.
I think he probably was invited on some level that you don’t know about, because otherwise, his plans are obviously irrelevant.
The only other thing you could tell me is that your family is, outside of your view, coddling this super attached friend. And if that’s the case, I think you would be included.
But I don’t know your family’s deal. Just consider you’re not totally in the loop.” einsteinGO
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The way you said it was rude. There is no relevance to what occurred when you were kids. This is now, things change, and they had been different for a while. There is no reason why you can’t get up with your kid, do presents, make it to lunch, and do presents there after and be done by 2 or so.
Maybe your parents do not want to cook dinner? That is a lot more work than lunch. This is their house and they are the ones putting in the work.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are asking to move a morning event to the afternoon.
Why doesn’t that work for him if he doesn’t leave his family until the morning? Also, this should be a family/majority rule decision. Everyone’s day shouldn’t be planned around his schedule. Even in your case, you are asking if it’s ok, not vetoing the plan for everyone like he is.
The amount of consideration this man is getting in your family tells me he isn’t a roommate. You need to have a conversation with your brother about what’s going on. Or make a new tradition for yourself and your daughter if a stranger’s schedule is more important than yours.” Glum_Hamster_1076
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You are all adults who work. Can none of you really communicate in a respectful fashion or rather a less rude manner? EVERYONE could have worded it better. I honestly can’t say I’ve heard people saying ‘that doesn’t work’ without a follow-up explanation.
And you don’t have to be dismissive of the roommate’s schedule.
If the roommate feels the impetus to chime in, you should assume YOU don’t know something that YOUR BROTHER does and wait for them to offer a solution.
If no solution can be offered, start working on a compromise
If it matters to your brother, THEN IT MATTERS. I don’t give a flying eff of closest or not. And your being bi has nothing to do with it.
By the same token, if he’s not going to come out but also expects the same courtesies to be extended to his roommates as a member of the family rather than a tack-on, then he needs to say.
But more I can easily 100% see family actually including close family friends schedules in planning the holidays.
And I’ve seen it. So yeah—your mom has a point too. He’s been included like he’s family on a weekly basis. I’d say by defacto his option matters somewhat. Also, there was probably a reason why you were on speaker phone with him and his roommate—because your brother cared about his input
Your need for your family also makes sense too and your logic is not wrong FOR YOUR NUCLEAR UNIT, but it doesn’t have to be for the rest of yourself asking to change the expected norms up with.” PettyHonestThrowaway
3. AITJ For Not Giving $18000 To My Grandfather?
“When I was a child, my grandfather started a savings account in my name with the intent of it being a college fund for me later in life. He put $10,000 into it.
Now, I’m currently attending a junior college.
I haven’t touched the money, but he has helped pay for some of my tuition- estimated about $5000 of it.
Recently, he called me and he is asking me to close the account and give him the money. It is currently at $18,000 – the extra $8,000 interest. I’ve checked the account and found that he’s made several attempts to claim ownership of the account so he could do this on his own – but he can’t; the money is legally mine.
He’s even tried to claim I’m a minor to get ownership of the account (I’m over the drinking age).
I think what I’d like to do is give him $10,000 since that’s what he put into it, and keep the remaining $8,000 for saving or something important down the line (like a mortgage down payment for example).
I should also add that he’s financially well off. He sold his company two years ago – there should be no reason for him to be in financial strain unless he’s in the red.
My grandfather is a good person, I believe – he’s helped me a lot, let me stay in his home for almost a year rent-free, and as noted before he paid for some of my tuition.
I don’t want to ‘steal’ from him.
I worry that if I don’t give him everything, he’ll make a huge stink about it – he’ll try to turn the family against me and he’ll take me out of his will.
It may just be best to concede.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but is it possible he’s actually in the red & struggling financially and just trying to hide it? Why not have an honest conversation first & just be upfront about it?
I.e. ‘grandfather, I’m struggling to understand why you’re asking for your gift of my college money back. I could understand if you were struggling for money but your lifestyle makes it seem like that can’t be the reason. Could you explain it to me?’
If he’s genuinely struggling & needs the money back personally I would do it BUT I don’t think you’re a jerk if you don’t since it was a gift & it’s for your college. If you do give it back though there is definitely no reason to give any part of the $8,000 that was earned from interest. That’s 100% your money.
The only money that could potentially go back is the initial gift of $10,000.” wrenwynn
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ
He put the money in the account to help pay for your college. You wrote that you haven’t touched the money and he has paid out of pocket for your college so far.
I think you owe him at least what he had paid out of pocket, especially since the original 10,000 was to be used for tuition/books etc. Make the offer of returning what he has already paid, if you don’t use the rest of the money for school and other family members need it, offer it to them.
His initial intention was for school. As for the interest, I think that would be yours but I am not an accountant or financial advisor.
PS: Talk to him and find out what is really going on, you are making a lot of assumptions regarding his financial status.” Sufficient_Ant_3470
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, make that offer to him and see what he says. He would be a jerk if he’s adamant about taking the whole thing. But then just give it to him. You can’t really miss what you never really had and this way you stay in the will which should be worth more money.
It does suck having a promised gift being asked for it back.” Live_Power_2843
2. AITJ For Saying That I Should Be Invited To My Cousin's Wedding?
“My (f20) cousin (M32) is getting married in August. The two of us have always been pretty close, he is probably the person I talk to the most on that side of the family. I love his fiancee, and we both get along as well.
A little bit of background: I am the third youngest cousin in my family, with two younger cousins (m19 and f17) who are not particularly close to the rest of the family. When the wedding date was announced, we already knew that neither was coming since they both go to out-of-state colleges.
The wedding was announced to be child-free a while ago. There are five children under the age of 5 on our side of the family alone. I was under the assumption that child-free typically means anyone older than somewhere from 16-18 for guests.
At Thanksgiving, a bunch of the cousins were all sitting around and the wedding was brought up. They were talking about the venue, which is a vineyard, and the long list of wines they are going to have for the drinks menu.
My brother (22) made a joke about how I won’t be 21 yet (I will be 21 a month after the wedding), and everyone kind of became quiet and changed the topic.
The next day, my aunt called me and told me that there was a misunderstanding.
The wedding was for 21+ and since I would not be 21 yet, I was not invited. I got upset because no one had told me that it was 21+ (we have a save the date but no invite) and I will literally be less than 20 days away from being 21.
I told her while I understood their choice, that it was not fair that I couldn’t go just because I was born a month too late. I said that they should have invited me anyways but just mark that I can’t drink.
She got upset with me and told me that it was their choice and to stop acting selfishly. My aunt told my mom that I said this, and my mom told me to stop acting like a ‘privileged little jerk’ and get over it.
I understand that they are having the wedding at a winery and that drinking will be the main focus of the wedding, but I will be a month away from being 21 so I feel like I am justified in being at least a little upset by this.
So AITJ?
Edit: As far as I am aware, the venue is not for 21+. His brother got married at the same venue when I was 18 and me and my younger cousins all attended and just had to wear wristbands. There might be a special situation, but ask far as I know, the venue allows under 21.
Also, I am asking more so because of my mom’s response. It is what it is at this point, but I didn’t expect my mom to freak out at me for saying that I thought the rule was stupid.
I knew that nothing was going to change.
Edit/Update: I did receive a save the date to my college residence, so I did have a separate invite from my family.
I spoke to my cousin last night.
He apologized for his mother’s reaction and that she told me first. He explained that his fiancee has a cousin who is either 19 or 20 as well.
She tends to drink too much and is an angry person when wasted, so in order to nicely uninvite her, they made it 21+. At first, he thought I would be 21 by the time of the wedding, but when my brother mentioned it at Thanksgiving he realized that I won’t be.
According to him, he and his fiancee are trying to figure out what to do still. They have me on the guest list, however, they did tell the venue that all attendees will be over 21 so they have to check with the venue and the contract.
He had told his mom about the situation to confirm my birthday and age and mentioned that I might have to be uninvited. He did not tell her to uninvite me and planned on discussing the situation with me once he talked to the venue.
He looked at the contract and they should be able to just give me a wristband, and his wedding planner is calling the venue either tonight or tomorrow to check with them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Yes, people can make their own decisions about who to have at their wedding and the rules.
I also think it is okay to express disappointment in those rules, and it sounds like you did it once, and politely. You aren’t harassing the bride and groom or turning the family against them, you made the case once, to your aunt, about how you think you should go, and so long as you don’t keep bringing it up beyond this one convo, you aren’t a jerk for it.
Your mom is a jerk for calling you names, and I hope you know you should never be treated like that.
And if you have limitations on a wedding, you should include that in the save the date, because it isn’t nice to get people’s hopes up, and often invitations only come out two months or so before the wedding, so people plan.
Your family has done a wedding here, with underage people, so good planning and guest etiquette mean they should have clarified in the save the date so people can plan accordingly.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s a family wedding, it’s not out of the ordinary that you would assume you’re invited. 20 is not a child, so the fact that it was announced as child-free makes no difference.
Your aunt shouldn’t have called you selfish for wanting to attend your cousin’s wedding and your mom was way out of line calling you a little jerk over it.
The edit also makes it clearer, you’ve been to a wedding at the same venue so it’s not a case of the venue not allowing underage guests.
I know that it’s their wedding and they can invite whoever they want, but when everyone but you got invited and you know you’re allowed at the venue (so it really was them deciding not to invite you) I can see why you’re upset.
It sucks to be left out. They can make the choice not to invite you but it will obviously have consequences.
Honestly, you probably won’t be able to convince them to invite you. But you’re not as close to your cousin as you think you are if he’s not willing to invite you to his wedding.” NJtoOx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you seem to be the only person over 20 not invited to a wedding. You know it is not because of the venue as you have been there before. There was no reason for you to believe a childfree wedding meant 21+
Your brother also assumed you would attend (hence the joke), but your other cousins knew otherwise. I think you should just touch base with your M32 cousin and check the invite status. If he says you weren’t invited just accept it, but mention you would have preferred to have been told, rather than being caught off guard.
I’d then arrange to be somewhere else on the day, so you aren’t getting stuck babysitting the kids, cos I’m wondering if you are not invited so you can babysit instead.” Maldesu
1. AITJ For Bringing My Toddler To A Wedding?
“I (32f) and my husband got married about five years ago. At that time we decided to have a child-free wedding and told our respective families of our wishes. We reiterated our feelings on the matter twice verbally and once in written form (the invitation).
However, I guess up until the actual invite our families assumed that we were joking, would change our minds, or allow a special exception for their specific child/children.
My husband and I remained firm on our stance, and when the calls and messages from family members came in trying to shame us for our choices the arguments just seemed to be endless.
When we made our decision to hold a child-free wedding we knew that this meant that some people may not be able to go so when our families started to say that they couldn’t come if their children weren’t allowed due to lack of child care, my husband and I told them that we understood and would send pictures.
My parents even went so low as to threaten to pull their financial contribution if we didn’t cave in. I was shocked and hurt but told them that at the end of the day, it was their money, and if they chose this route my husband and I would be forced to downsize, and the people my parents especially wanted there would be the first on the chopping block and we would be sure to let them know why.
My husband and I seemed to be at a stalemate with our families for about a week before my parents came to us with an apology, along with a few other relatives, and promised to look into other arrangements for child care.
Fast forward to a week before the wedding, my husband overheard his family talking about ‘the plan’ of secretly bringing the children to the wedding in an attempt to pressure us on the spot the day of the wedding.
We were furious and in an act of passion my husband and I decided to elope and got married at the courthouse the next day, sending and posting pics while talking about how we ‘just couldn’t wait any longer.’ For years there was a bit of resentment on both sides but we were all slowly able to mend fences, especially after the birth of my daughter ‘Elsie’ (3f).
Back in October my cousin ‘Wendy’ (37f) and her husband got married and stated that children were welcome so my husband and I brought Elsie along. Despite having a nice time my husband and I couldn’t help but feel oddness with everyone at the event but thought it was just in our heads until this past Thanksgiving when I confronted my family about their odd treatment of me and my husband.
My cousin ‘Brenda’ (26f) then said how everyone found it so hypocritical of my husband and me to bring our own child to Wendy’s wedding when we explicitly forbade her and everyone else’s kids from coming to ours and even eloped to spite our families over it.
It’s been almost over a week and we’re arguing so I have to ask, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe you should google the definition of hypocrite and send it to Brenda. Along with an explanation using little words, so she can understand (I’m petty, sue me) that Wendy explicitly stated children were welcome to attend HER wedding.
And then remind her and the rest of your family, that YOUR wedding NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED because of all the manipulation, threats, and underhanded tactics from BOTH families, to the point you and your husband eloped to save yourselves from the stress and heartache that you suffered, knowing your dream wedding was ruined by the very people who you thought you could count on to celebrate YOUR very special day, the way YOU wanted to celebrate it.
I mean, you only sent invitations out MONTHS in advance, so that they had TIME to find childcare. But no, let’s make it all about themselves. Then on top of that, they give you grief about it for months, or years.
Quite frankly it’s a miracle you haven’t gone low contact/no contact with your family members.” KnightOwl5665
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Weddings are a family event and you were extremely hostile to the younger members of your respective families. And you clearly lack the humility to admit that you didn’t understand before you became parents that bringing your child might actually be nice or important.
You absolutely behaved in a very spiteful and immature way about your child-free wedding, and it was almost certainly very hurtful to many of your family members.
Children are people too. Children are part of your family too. They don’t have to be part of everything, but you don’t get to ban an entire category of person and then act shocked that people might hold it against you.” succedaneousone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If their whole thing is that people SHOULD have kids at weddings, wouldn’t you be the jerk if you DIDN’T bring your daughter when everyone else bought their kids, as if you were making a point ‘decent people don’t bring the kid along’ style?
I’m so sorry you had to ditch your planned wedding because they couldn’t respect your right to decide as a couple what kind of day you wanted. Why they didn’t work it out among themselves so they could have one solution for all the kids together is beyond me, it doesn’t sound like they were all traveling a long way for the wedding.
Wedding venues should cotton on to the money-making potential of having separate childcare arrangements on-site but out of sight. We were on a ferry once that had a whole soft play, ball pits, slides, and a room full of Nintendos (it was 1990), all supervised, we got one look and sped off going ‘Byeeeeeeeeee,’ you couldn’t have prized us out of there for the wedding of a legit fairy queen to actual Superman, never mind an auntie.” Ebechops
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Do only as you want to be done to you. You wanted everyone to focus on the event child-free. Great. Why did you take yours to someone else’s event like that? What if your child causes the very disruptions you wanted to prevent at your wedding?
You eloped to get back at a secret plan. A plan you have no idea who all was involved in or if it would have happened. To boot it was his family saying that, not yours. I get why they feel the way they do, but you should have thought twice about the hypocrisy of your actions.” Gotz2BReal2MySelf
I've had wealthy friends. And yes, sometimes they bought me dinner, treated me to zoo admission, etc. Me, not wealthy, would reciprocate our friendship in ways I could. "Oh, you're offering to pay for the zoo? Cool, I'll make and bring cookies and sandwiches." "You're bringing over Chinese take-out? Sounds yum! I'll have that movie you wanted to see cued up and ready to go" Thoughtfulness and thankfulness are a huge part of any relationship.
Friends do not steal. They do not demand. They are not thankless. They are not rude and thoughtless. They do not use you as an ATM, cab, restaraunt, closet, or entertainment provider.
Hence, these people are not friends. You are all young and they, too, could LEARN this lesson, but you don't have to be the one to teach it unless you think there is something worth saving. Myself, I'd probably cut my losses and move on, but there is always something to be said about deep conversations, laying boundaries, and second chances.
Good luck OP.