People Expect Honest Judgment On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Kicking Out A Guy For Giving Me The Silent Treatment?
“I’m part of a large friend group, late 20s to early 30s.
The majority of the time, we hang out at my place, the ‘Launch Pad’. My place was chosen because I have a pool (an apartment pool, I’m not that fancy), it’s pretty central, and it has the biggest kitchen so it’s where we usually decide to do the group’s cooking.
I would say that usually 8-12 people come to most things, and the core group is maybe 20 of us. All dating back to college.
There are a few people in the group I don’t get along that well with, but whatever, they’re part of the group.
I still invite them. However, last night (Saturday night), something weird happened. One of the people who doesn’t like me much, Jordan, was acting like a space case and wasn’t responding to anything I said. It actually led to him burning the group’s nachos because he ignored my directions to take them out of the oven.
The fire alarm went off and everything.
I found out through another group member that Jordan decided he is not going to acknowledge my existence anymore because he doesn’t like me. To be clear, Jordan and I have never had any kind of argument or fight.
I asked Jordan if this was the case and he wouldn’t even respond. This man had the gall to come to my home as my guest, cook food in my kitchen, nearly cause a fire, and then refuse to speak to me!
I told Jordan to get out of my apartment if he wasn’t willing to speak to me in my own home.
Jordan, to his credit, complied and left immediately, grinning smugly like a Cheshire Cat after filling my place with burnt nacho smoke. Jordan’s good friend Amber (who isn’t my biggest fan either, apparently) said I was being ‘a controlling witch’ and also left with him.
I also booted Jordan out of the Launch Pad group chat, which has sparked a serious controversy amongst my friends because it’s where all the group planning for my place takes place.
Anyway, it’s escalated, and the group is split. Half of our friends seem to think it’s fine that I removed Jordan (both in real life from my house and from the Launch Pad chat) because he was at my house and refusing to even interact.
The other half thinks that Jordan is a longstanding group member and I should just put up with him ignoring me and continue to invite him even if he doesn’t like me because he’s been part of the group a long time and he didn’t choose my house as the home base.
So I’m wondering, AITJ for booting someone that won’t speak to me from my own house when I’m the central hub for our friends?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There should be no division. It is your home. Your sanctuary. The place you pay for.
You were kind enough to allow them to use it as a ‘hang out’ spot. Your friends are not owed anything. This is the height of entitlement. Jordan is immature and pathetic. Even if he didn’t like you, to blatantly ignore you to your face is just awful.
It shows his lack of maturity. He is a perpetual middle schooler.
Anyone who is pressuring you to just ‘accept’ this blatant disrespect only cares about how this will affect their fun. They aren’t thinking of you and your feelings. Quite frankly, those friends suck and you deserve better friends.” Pinacoco5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’d wonder how these ‘friends’ would react if this level of disrespect was levied towards them in their home. If he doesn’t want to interact with you he could have politely declined the invitation to your home instead he came, ignored you, started to cook and then burn food in your home, and then not even offer an apology.
He seems like a child, not a full-grown adult, and part of me thinks he left with that smile because he did this intentionally to splinter the group thinking they would choose him over you. It may be time to re-evaluate the friend group as it seems some of you have grown apart and now have different values when it comes to being a good friend.” rocklandguy324
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No way, no how!
You should not have to ‘put up with’ someone disrespecting you in your own home. I think Jordan intended on burning the food. Now, kicking him out of the group chat may not have been cool, but if ALL gatherings are at your place, there’s no need to include him because he’s not invited to your place.
Who exactly is telling you to just put up with being disrespected? Can you have a private chat with them?
There was no reason for Jordan to give you the silent treatment and frankly your FRIENDS let you down. Right there, in real-time, as it was happening.
They should’ve stood up for you and told him to stop being a jerk.
Please stop hosting parties at your place. Let someone else do the work.” CarrotofInsanity
18. AITJ For Distancing Myself From My Mom After Everything She Did?
“My parents divorced when my sister (20f) and I (19m) were 5 and 6 years old. She met her husband three years later.
He was a widower with a 7-month-old son (I think he was 7 months old when they met). She instantly moved them in and started claiming his son as her own and raising him like us. She got engaged to him and a few weeks before the wedding our dad passed away.
By this point, my mom had just become estranged from her entire extended family. She told my dad’s parents that if they wanted to see us again soon, they would need to come to her wedding and watch all three of us (including my stepbrother).
She then told them after the wedding that going forward if they wanted to see us, or spend time with us, they had to include him. They hadn’t wanted to. They tried to argue for time with just us. Offering to pay for it all 100%.
But mom said no. She said they needed to come to the house and make an effort with all three and not just take two with them.
My sister and I would argue with mom over one day in particular. My dad’s birthday. We celebrated that every year with dad’s family after he passed away, but she wouldn’t even let that day be just us and them.
Our stepbrother had to be there. She said they did not get to be just our family and we shouldn’t see him as any less deserving of being present. But we did. He was not our dad’s kid and had never met him. So why was he deserving of being there?
I never got that. She called us selfish for our mindset.
Last year I turned 18 and I moved in with my partner. Once I left home, my stepbrother was no longer invited to anything to do with my dad’s family. He no longer saw them.
My sister and I also stopped spending any time at mom’s house. Then we stopped speaking to them at all. It was quiet for several months and then last week mom showed up where I work and demanded we talk. She told me how she was tired of one of her kids being left out and how sick was it to discard him that way, and why weren’t my sister and I advocating for him.
I told her she only had one kid, her stepson, and that my sister and I were no longer her kids and my family was no longer forced to include him to see us, and that it was all her fault for forcing it in the first place.
Then I wished her luck, which was kinda sarcastic not gonna lie, and then asked her to leave. She texted me later that night to say she had been a good mom to all three of us and to say she only had one kid was low.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, resentment built over time is a lot harsher than the unrealized punishment dished out, the fact that she didn’t even consider her first 2 children and the loss of losing your father was taken so lightly.
As for your stepbrother and all, that was the package deal she opted into when she chose to be with his father, she should have been more open, and communicated the concerns across the board with everyone involved, instead of fitting everything to her own agenda.
Seems like an unfortunate outcome for everyone, when if things were considered more, you guys might have gotten along more… but that’s my opinion.” Real-Concentrate5239
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom tried to force an unrelated child on people who were grieving the loss of their family member.
That time with your dad’s family would have been good for you and your sister. There was no reason to force the stepchild into the mix. Your dad’s family even offered to cover all expenses to be able to have time with you and your sister.
This is all caused by your mom. Trying to get you 2 to have a relationship with your stepbrother is one thing, forcing him onto people he’s not even related to is a her-problem. That was unfair to you, your sister, and your dad’s family.
Honestly, it seems like your mom favored your stepbrother. She was so concerned with forcing him to be accepted as family that she prevented her own children from being able to grieve with their own family.
A lot of people want to say what you did wasn’t right, but it doesn’t sound like there was a chance to let a relationship grow organically.
Your mom pushed and forced your stepbrother on you all of the time. Took time away from your family if he wasn’t included. Essentially tried to erase and replace your dad to force a family. The path to the underworld is paved with good intentions.
She may have meant well, but you were never given a choice. The resentment and lack of relationship are completely her fault. Step-siblings aren’t always going to get along. Stepchildren aren’t always going to get along with stepparents. Your mom forcing it seems to be what caused the issue.
She is dealing with the consequences of her actions.” muskiesfan1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom tried to force something that nobody else was comfortable with. I could see her having that view with HER side of the family, but not your dad’s. She basically estranged you from them because they wouldn’t dance to her preferred tune.
To be fair, your paternal grandparents (depending on where you live) could have petitioned the court for a court-ordered grandparent time with just you and your sister, but your mom created all these issues with her unreasonable demands and now she’s facing consequences for that behavior.
Your feelings, in my opinion, are valid.” jammy913
17. AITJ For Walking Out Of My Husband's Birthday Party?
“I (f32) just completed my treatment for a medical issue that affected my body.
I had gained weight due to this medical condition and also medication and none of my old clothes were fitting anymore. I bought new fitting clothes but for my husband’s birthday party, he asked me to wear one of my old dresses that was one of his favorites.
To appease him I said yes although I didn’t feel comfortable wearing it, especially after the weight gain.
He was at the restaurant with his family and friends when I arrived with my sister. As soon as he saw me walking in, he busted out laughing… he pointed at the dress and was going hysterical saying ‘oh my God.’ I felt so incredibly mad.
Especially when the others started laughing as well. One of his friends started whistling in a mocking tone. I turned around instantly and walked out and my sister followed me. I went home and cried a little but he kept calling non-stop.
He came home and started talking about how oversensitive I was and that ‘it was just a natural reaction’ he had upon seeing me in this dress again after all this time.
He said I overreacted and made a scene over nothing. He also said I ruined his birthday and urged me to get therapy for this oversensitivity that I’m inflicting upon him.
AITJ? Did I overreact? He’s so upset he refused to even receive the gift.
Edit! I need to explain the way he laughed more. He first started giggling and tried to cover his mouth then, in a matter of seconds he busted out laughing. In the middle of the restaurant. The guests were confused then they must’ve understood why he was laughing because they joined in and his friend whistled at me mockingly while repeatedly turning his head like something caught his ‘attention’.
Could it be that I overreacted? It could be just me getting overwhelmed because joking and laughing are not new when it comes to him. He’s the kind to tease about any and everything even with family. The kids also.
He also said he was ‘caught off guard’ and so I shouldn’t blame him for his reaction.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, so your husband told you to wear something then was caught off guard by it? And then spent the evening fuming after you very reasonably left after getting laughed at rather than running after you asking forgiveness?
He’s a jerk.
You’re married to a selfish, bullying jerk. He should absolutely know there is a valid reason for you to be sensitive about your weight after you’ve been struggling so hard. He told you to wear the dress he likes for his own selfish reasons.
Then he chose to laugh at you when you made the effort FOR HIM even tho you weren’t comfortable with it. Then blames you for the result of his decision to laugh at you wearing what he chose, at the restaurant he chose, around the people he chose to have there.” TendoninBOB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s a good thing his birthday got ruined. People who laugh AT their partners instead of WITH their partners deserve to get their birthdays ruined. He’s throwing a hissy fit because he knows he’s in the wrong.
People can be teasing, but from the moment that clearly hurts someone they should cut it out and apologize.
Especially partners who like and are supportive of their partner.
Take the gift back and buy a nice dress for yourself, that fits your current body and makes you feel beautiful and confident. Everyone deserves to feel like that.” my-vice-is-books
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if he didn’t mean to react like that he absolutely humiliated you in front of your friends and family and now he’s trying to avoid taking responsibility for it by claiming that you’re ‘over-sensitive’.
Like, he was literally pointing and laughing at you, there are very few things he could have done that would have been more hurtful than that. Even if he was ‘caught off guard’, the way to follow up on that would be with a profuse apology, not by trying to pass it off as if you’re the one with the problem.
You say he teases and jokes a lot, but his reaction to you being upset about this has me wondering how many more of his ‘teasing’ and ‘jokes’ are actually bullying and gaslighting since he clearly doesn’t care when he’s crossed the line.” RebelScientist
16. AITJ For Continuing Cooking Lessons With My Brother-In-Law After My Sister Told Me To Stop?
“My brother-in-law asked me if I could teach him how to cook as he doesn’t know how to and he said he enjoys my food.
We aren’t particularly close so I thought it was an odd request but I said yes as I didn’t want to make things awkward by saying no.
He’s been doing really well but my sister asked me to stop teaching him as she doesn’t like it and thinks he should spend that time with her and the kids.
She expects me to tell him I’m not comfortable teaching him anymore but I don’t want to make things weird between us, so I asked her to speak to him.
I’ve been continuing his once-a-week lessons, which has caused issues between my sister and me.
She told me I was being a jerk and is implying to the rest of our family that I’m after her husband which isn’t true.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s upset that he’s spending ONE DAY a week trying to improve himself, probably to help her out at home.
And he’s doing it with a family member, for free, instead of taking a class? Jesus, this sister sounds needy and paranoid… unless there’s some missing piece she’s not shared with you like he’s had an affair or lied to her before or something. I think the big part is she’s asking you to lie instead of telling HIM she doesn’t like it.
She probably would rather do that because she doesn’t want to have to explain to him why she’s uncomfortable. Which is not your problem.” otsukaren_613
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – because you genuinely seem to have good intentions.
But you’re basically having weekly dinner dates with your BIL.
I don’t understand why you can’t go over to your BIL and sister’s house and teach him how to cook there. Why is your BIL insisting on your home away from his family?
If you guys aren’t close and he’s suddenly spending all this time at your home, you don’t see how your sister might feel uncomfortable?
Especially with him making it clear he doesn’t like her cooking and would rather have yours.
In my opinion, if somebody’s spouse was telling me they were uncomfortable, I would respect their wishes, regardless of if I think I’m doing nothing wrong. Continuing to ignore your sister’s request does make you the jerk.
I suggest you stay far, far away from all this OP.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not your job to manage marital communications between your sister and her husband.
If she can’t do that, that’s on her.
I suspect there are other issues afoot here, likely jealousy on your sister’s part – once-a-week lessons don’t sound like they’re taking too much time away from home, so I am guessing your sister’s excuse is nonsense.
I’m additionally guessing that your sister and her husband have already fought about this, which is why your sister wants it to come from you and not her.
In any case, everyone involved here is a full-grown adult who should be able to use their words and decide things for themselves.
This isn’t your problem.” hannahsflora
15. AITJ For Unintentionally Causing My Mother-In-Law To Get Reprimanded At Work?
“MIL (F50s) and I (F20) work at the same daycare. She’s been there a lot longer than I have. This past Friday I was called into our director’s office to have a chat with her. The gist of it was that my MIL had been causing my son (M2) to have meltdowns because she would go down there during the day and disrupt his schedule, and when she left the caretakers weren’t able to console him.
The reason he becomes inconsolable is that he thinks he’s going to get to come home every time one of us appears in the classroom.
My director asked if it was okay if she talked to my MIL about this and asked if I wanted her to be able to go in there.
I said no, that my son’s mental and physical well-being is more important to me than her seeing her grandson when she’s supposed to be working. I thought they were only going to have a little chat with her and ask her to stay out of the room.
Instead, they gave her a letter of reprimand, which is a big deal and stays on your record.
Instead of coming to me and asking me about it, MIL decided to blow up my fiancé’s (M20) phone while he was at work. She harassed him for about 3-4 hours.
Then his dad, my FIL (M50s) texted him saying to enjoy his new family and that they want all their stuff back, which we have maybe 2 things of theirs that we had been planning on returning already. Now no one is speaking to each other.
I feel bad that my fiancé is in the middle of all of this, and the whole situation is so messed up. AITJ for getting my mother-in-law in trouble at work?
Edit: Just wanted to clarify. This wasn’t MIL’s first time hearing this same complaint.
I had asked her before to stop going into his room. My son is autistic, so he has some behavioral problems we’ve been working on. She knew that they talked to me because apparently on the letter of reprimand, it stated which child she had to stay away from.
I don’t know this for sure, this is just what I heard from her and I’m going to request a copy today since if my child’s name is on it, I should be able to have a copy.
I can’t just move daycares.
Since I work at this one, I am getting childcare for free and there’s no daycare that’s gonna beat that. Also, I’ve been promised by many members of upper management, including the director, that if anything else happens with her at work then their doors are always open.
I’m fortunate enough to have enough people on my side that see her behavior too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You did the right thing in prioritizing your child’s overall health and mental wellness.
You also don’t know if MIL has faced prior disciplinary action in the past here and that’s why a harsher action was taken against her in this instance.
It seems out of the blue to you but it may simply be the next escalating step in her history there.
You could ask your director to clarify why they chose to act the way they did but they may not legally be able to disclose that or willing to.” northstarette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There was no way for you to know they would write a letter of reprimand. Your workplace set you up. I will bet that they ALREADY had a chat or two with MIL about disrupting your child’s classroom.
She probably told them that you asked her to check on your son, to justify being there.
So they needed to talk with you and put it in writing in order to correct the behavior.
As far as the letter being in her ‘permanent record’ this is not that big of a deal. It will not affect her employment at all, as long as she stays away from your child’s classroom.
And THAT is what she’s upset about – not being able to see her grandson in the middle of her work day.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You did not get her in trouble at work. She got herself in trouble. You did not report what she was doing; someone else did.
You were only asked for your opinion regarding their care of your child. If they are being this petty and asking for their stuff back, give it to them and send them on their way. It sounds like they need the babysitters with their childish behavior.
I’m sorry that you’ll still have to see her at work though. Hopefully, you can mostly avoid her. Good luck and I hope your son is doing well.” ScoutBandit
14. AITJ For Calling The Cops On Kids?
“I (M) have a house with a pool that I rent on weekends or throw parties.
The kitchen and swimming pool are outside. Friday, I went to the market to buy drinks, meats, and various things, because Sunday there would be a party in this house. So the fridge had a lot of things.
On Saturday, my brother called me asking if I had rented the house this Saturday for someone, and when I said no, he informed me that he passed by and heard very loud music in it in addition to several voices.
I asked him to meet me there and I went with my husband. There were about 20 people enjoying the pool, drinking, and having a barbecue with my stuff. Apparently, they used a ladder to jump over the wall. The wall had a ‘broken’ fence and will be replaced tomorrow.
It’s the only wall that faces the street. When they saw us, they started to get even more desperate that my brother had the ladder.
They tried to escape but we kind of protected the wall.
The police had already been called, so we didn’t want anyone to escape.
Nothing happened to anyone to make it clear, they just tried to get past us to go to the lowest wall, but couldn’t.
The police arrived. There were 7 children (6-13 yo), 12 adolescents (14-17 yo), and 1 adult (39 yo).
Those responsible for the minors were called and this caused a mess, as they started to accuse us of holding minors in my house when I am not a police authority.
The police gave me the freedom to press charges or not, but I said I just wanted the value of the items consumed, pay for a cleaning lady, and clean the pool. Yes, it would cost a high value, because the outside area was a mess and almost everything was used in the fridge.
The adults began to say that just scolding from the police would be enough and that I know how stupid young people can be and begged me not to charge that amount, as most of them were extremely poor.
I stood by my decision, saying that they would have until today (Monday) to pay for my damage, otherwise, I would press charges against everyone.
Yes, I heard a lot of curses, but today I received the full amount.
My husband said that I was very harsh because I paid out of my pocket anyway (there was the party anyway) and that for us, there would be no difference in that money, but for extremely poor families?
Yes.
I really don’t think it’s fair to have this expense, despite being able to pay without weighing on my pocket. Young people are stupid, but still, they broke into a house, used everything in it, and left a mess.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Please tell your husband that instead of rewarding criminal behavior, he would better serve his community by investing in the families who need help. Bailing out criminals is not the way to aid poor families. Take the money paid to repair the damage done, and invest in education, after-school care, and whatever the community needs.
Or, instead of cash, have the involved individuals contribute work towards repairing homes, supporting the disabled, or whatever the community needs.
If you didn’t press charges on the adult in that group, in my opinion, you made a mistake.” Jaded-Moose983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Those kids broke the law and committed a few crimes so why shouldn’t they be held responsible?
Financial adversity is not your concern. If they had enough time and energy to break in, they had enough time to go get a job. It’s not your responsibility to care.
Their parents trying to brush it off as innocent child behavior is the reason they did it in the first place.
Maybe now that they have to pay for their lackadaisical parenting maybe they’ll put in work to teach better.” IndependentBid1854
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you were a complete pushover. The only thing these people learned is that when you break into houses, steal their food, use their pool, and leave their house filthy, you might, maybe, have to pay fair market costs for that.
At worst. That makes it a really good gamble to keep doing since sometimes they will party for free. I would have pressed charges against everyone old enough to know better, so that they all comprehend there are consequences to trespassing, breaking and entering, theft, vandalism, and child neglect.
This was a tragedy waiting to happen, and the next time they do it, worse could happen. They need consequences now to prevent worse later.” SearchApprehensive35
13. AITJ For Telling My Niece The Real Reason My Husband And I Aren't Invited To Her Birthday Party?
“I have been with my husband for 10 years. We have been married for 5 of those years.
He has suffered horrific trauma at the hands of his dad. His parents were married and expecting twins when his mom suffered some kind of hemorrhage and she ended up with eclampsia. My husband’s mom and twin sister did not make it. But my husband did after a period of time in the NICU.
His dad told him it was his fault they passed away. He had grandparents who meant the world to him and tried to shield him from his dad’s anger, but when he was 8 years old they passed away also. His father then blamed him. He spent the next 10 years hearing day after day that he was the reason.
At no point did he have another person to reassure him he wasn’t.
When we met he had just started to heal. He was away from his dad and attending therapy. It was a very big fear of his that what his dad said was true.
He is a wonderful man and my nieces and nephews adore him. He was always so good with them and the rest of my family.
In January 2020 I was pregnant and we went for a scan where we learned I had miscarried. As soon as my husband heard this, something inside of him broke.
He started to unravel. He was in the middle of a mental health crisis. He was doing this weird manic laugh that was also a sob. He ran out of the room and I followed after him, concerned. My mom and sister both work at the hospital (my sister’s a nurse while my mom worked in the little gift store).
Both saw him in this worst moment. The medical personnel was forced to intervene because he was in the middle of a breakdown, hysterical, and totally out of it. He was totally broken and nothing could reach him. It was the scariest moment of my life.
The worst moment of his.
And they judged him for ‘laughing’. Then when they told the rest of the adults in my family, they also judged him. All of my family were aware of his history. He told them about it years ago.
My husband ended up under the care of a psychiatrist who suggested he needed a lot more help than therapy could provide.
Instead of understanding my family no longer wanted him around. They said a man who could laugh at his own wife’s miscarriage was not the kind of man they wanted around the kids. I told them I would not leave him behind.
My niece is turning 12 this year and is having her first big party since 2020.
She called and said she wanted us there but she hadn’t seen us on her mom’s list. I told her we wouldn’t be able to come and that I was sorry, we both were. She was upset and asked why she never saw us. Why we wouldn’t come to her birthday party.
Why have we missed them all now? I told her that my husband was not welcome by the other adults in the family anymore. She apparently yelled at her parents and mine. Then I got crap from them for telling her what I did. They said I had no business saying that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but your family is!
In today’s society where mental health is talked about so frequently, you stood up and are standing up for your husband and I applaud you!! Why did your mother and sister judge your husband when as a medical professional with all the facts know exactly what happened?
Shame on them and then to further spread their incorrect assessment/judgment they tell the rest of your family their narrative. To make it worse ‘they’ as a family pass judgment and no longer want to support you and your husband. Shame on them! What do the ghosts in their closet look like?
I applaud you for sticking by your husband’s side – for better or worse. In this case, I believe you did the right thing, at 12 years old your niece is old enough to hear the truth and decide for herself. It sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders and can see through the nonsense her family is feeding her.
They are only mad at you because you took away their narrative.
I hope they see the error of their ways soon! Good luck to you and God bless you!” No_Requirement_4316
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It really amazes me when people ‘make a stand’ that they dig their heels into and feel totally justified doing, but when it comes time to answer for it from their children, suddenly they aren’t as brave.
You did not tell them anything specific, which was the right thing to do. You must know that this is how guilty people act when faced with what they have done, and deep down I am sure you know that you are both SO MUCH BETTER OFF without these people in your lives.
When your nieces and nephews are older, they can make the decision to come and look you up on their own.” kimariesingsMD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family is awful. His reaction, laughing, is a trauma response. Your sister should at least know that as a nurse.
Your family is horrible if they think they can be offended on your behalf and ignore the mental health crisis that man suffered(s) at losing his child on top of being told he was at fault for his own mother’s passing. I am so sorry for your loss OP and it was no one’s fault, miscarriages sometimes happen without clear reason and I hope your husband has been able to process that.
I also hope he has been able to process what his father did to him as the loss of his mother and sister was not his fault, could never be his fault.
I hope you are able to someday teach your family how horrible they’re being to the two of you.
Taking his trauma lightly and putting yours onto themselves.” semmama
12. AITJ For Not Inviting My Parents To My Wedding Because Of Their Anti-Social Behavior?
“My (31M) mom and dad both are severely Anti-Social. It is at a level that they haven’t left our neighborhood for 12 years since I left for medical school in another city.
In my childhood, I wasn’t also allowed to call any friend of mine to my house, and they never came to any parent-child conferences, my school stuff, or even family events because it was ‘Too Many People’. They would e-mail my teachers or have phone calls (this would be in emergencies, mostly they emailed them).
Luckily both of my grandparents and my uncles and aunts from both sides cared for me immensely even though all of them had their own kids or their own life etc. At my medical school graduation, all of them were there and at my graduation from residency, they organized a festival in our neighborhood (there were 400ish people, not kidding).
If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have had a normal childhood. My parents are also both working from home as data analysts since the early 2000s so they 95% of the time don’t leave their houses.
I’ve also been engaged to my fiance (35M) for 6 months and we’ve been together for 9 years.
To be fair, my parents tried to have a relationship with him but it was ‘too much’ for them (seriously, they said that) and they said, ‘You are happy so we are happy too, just send us an invitation to your wedding.’ Even through all of this, I love my parents and I want them to have their place as my parents in my wedding and I just want them to be present in one of my life events so I asked them to participate in planning.
They said no. I said, ‘Maybe a wedding speech?’ They said they wouldn’t. Then I asked, ‘Sit in the front row at least?’ They said, ‘We don’t like to be the attention.’ I finally exploded and said they weren’t in my significant moments, they never participated in any of my life events and they even didn’t try getting to know my fiance.
I said ‘just stay at your heaven (they call their house their heaven) and don’t bother me anymore. Good night,’ and I left their house.
2 days later, I sent the wedding list to our organizer and my parents weren’t on the list. Our organizer is also my cousin’s partner so when he saw the list, he called her and she texted all of my family and in-laws.
My in-laws and my grandparents think they got what they deserved but all my parents’ siblings and their kids think I should abide by them and invite them as normal guests. So, AITJ?
Note: No one will refuse to show up because of this or a big drama will happen.
This is just something that disturbs me, no one else.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your parents have a serious phobia going on. They can’t help their disability, but from your post, it doesn’t sound like they’ve taken any steps toward getting treatment.
That’s the tipping point for me: you can be compassionate about a mental health issue, but it’s not a blanket free pass. You get to have feelings too because it impacts you as well, in a very direct sense. You’re allowed to feel upset about the absences because they’re your parents – that hurts.
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Two things to think about:
Your grandparents did a lot of heavy lifting for your parents so that you could have as normal a childhood as possible – would it be possible to place them in the spot of honor reserved for the parents at your ceremony and reception?
Even if you don’t call attention to it with a strobe light and backhanded announcement, it might be nice to give them that place of honor for all they’ve done.
Have your parents said anything about the issue? The commotion seems to be centered around the family’s reactions to the leaked guest list rather than anything your parents have said.
It may help to clarify if your parents are upset or if the upset is coming from family that can’t wrap their heads around it.” Ok-Procedure6647
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they knew they had these problems, why did they have a child(ren)? Things such as this happen in your life when you have kids.
You obviously had to do social things in life even when it was uncomfortable for you. Going to a family member’s funeral to show support for your loved ones, because their pain means more to you than some family members you just can’t stand; needing to sign your child up for school, because education is required; having to go to school yourself, and the experience of all that; having to get a job, and going to interviews; groceries (or stuff for gardening if you have a garden) because you need to live and survive, paying bills, the list goes on.
So for one day, to spend it with someone who you don’t just supposedly love, but bothered to bring into this world, and react this way, is just mind-boggling to me. Of all the things that you had to do up close and personal with people you don’t even know, this is the event where you draw the line?” Lgtabvandendoftnl100
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But you should either fire or complain to the owner (if he works at a company) about the organizer sharing private details of a client’s wedding. If he was just helping informally, consider having someone else help the rest of the way because he can’t be trusted. Make sure other people who use him know that too.
And then, your parents are able to make it to the wedding – with a crowd – but won’t sit in the front. They also won’t help with organizing, even though most of that can be done from home. I’m so sorry they never prioritized you and still aren’t.
Don’t invite them and have a day surrounded by the people who have been there for you. Just block any conversation where people bring it up.
And definitely, no more of that organizer guy.” mfruitfly
BUT, you ask me to be up in front of people? I hate that, so much that I would rather not go. The anticipatory anxiety will cause nightmares, insomnia, and much more.
I go places I've never been before and I will find my comfort zone.
Usually in the back, right by a door/exit. I cannot feel comfortable when I'm literally trapped in place by tables, chairs, and other people.
I need my escape route free and clear. I am completely comfortable in this setting, relaxed, sociable, at ease.
Your parents have not shown a willingness to participate at any level in your life. That is a choice.
11. AITJ For Being Jealous Of My Husband's Pregnant Relative?
“So my husband and I have a beautiful child (F3) and she is my whole world.
I had a difficult labor and ended up with complications that left it difficult for us to conceive again and we have been trying for 7 months with no luck.
I understand that I am blessed to have one already and I love her with all my heart but I can’t help but long for more kids, we worked hard to provide a good life for the child we have and we have more love and means to care for another child and we really just want to expand our family.
My husband’s cousin, who has openly said she hates kids, has become pregnant by accident. She announced she was pregnant and said: ‘she was feeling okay about the pregnancy as she wouldn’t plan to have kids but since ‘the accident’ happened she will just keep it as a lot of celebrities are having babies and cute baby pics will get her more social media followers.’
I can’t help but feel hurt and disgusted by her words, a child is not an inconvenience or a fashion accessory but a human being and it makes me so angry that she doesn’t realize how lucky she is. She still drinks, wastes money on getting her eyelashes done, hair done, and builds up a debt, and hasn’t bothered planning for the baby’s arrival. She calls the baby ‘the accident’ and does nothing but complain about how she doesn’t want to be a mum and can’t wait to ‘get it out of her’ so her partner can ‘deal with it’ and she will borrow it when needed for photos etc.
I am honestly appalled by her words and I know it’s not a nice emotion to have but I am jealous of her. I have avoided her at family gatherings and I declined an invite to her shower. Am I the jerk for almost hating her (not for being pregnant but for being irresponsible and drinking every weekend, and saying out loud how much she isn’t looking forward to being a mum)?
I know jealousy is a horrible thing but I am human and after having several miscarriages at 3 months, 5 1/2 months, and a stillbirth at 7 months it’s heartbreaking to be around someone who is pregnant, decided to keep it but puts her baby at risk by drinking heavily and doing illegal stuff and talks about how much she hates it.
I recognize jealousy is a not nice emotion but it’s how I feel so I have been avoiding her for my own mental health and seeking therapy to help with my jealousy towards her and my own separate grief of child loss.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have specifically removed yourself from the situation and are going to therapy. Plus you are self-aware enough to realize that jealousy isn’t helpful.
I would be staying away from this person also. I have no children myself but if she is constantly drinking and doing illegal stuff and obviously has no care for the baby based on those actions alone she would disgust me.
It’s better to remove yourself from the situation.
Also, keep in mind it’s not anyone’s fault that you are having difficulty trying to have more kids. Sometimes it’s just not in the cards for everyone. Have you considered fostering or even fostering with the option to adopt?
You would be able to share your love and the resources you have with children that are in need.” Agile_Medicine1600
Another User Comments:
“If she really is drinking and using illegal stuff – NTJ and in your place, I would have a talk with social services.
A person like that would probably neglect or even put her child at risk. Also, there is obviously a much higher chance of the child being born with birth defects, and depending on how often she uses during pregnancy, there is a risk the baby could be born addicted, which would also affect them long-term and require specialized care.
Depending on where you all live, if social services are notified before the birth and the hospital is contacted, they could test the baby right after they are born and take the necessary steps to protect them.” BakerStreetBaker21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She is openly treating her pregnancy like a disposable extension of herself.
It’s happening to her, it inconveniences her. She can’t wait to not have to deal with it. She isn’t planning for her baby’s immediate or long-term future and in fact, sounds like she’s an incredibly un-self-aware person who was setting herself and her child up for a fairly miserable time.
From what you say she comes across as disrespectful, unenthused, and uneducated about the institution of motherhood. Is actually quite vocal about plans to use this tiny person for petty social gain instead of raising it to be a happy healthy human being. She is drinking on weekends because easing her own boredom is, repeatedly, more important to her than the safety of the child she doesn’t want to acknowledge.
She doesn’t want this kid or the responsibility that goes with it. Which from a developmental standpoint and in my opinion, is insanely unethical. Why are you forcing life and existence on a child you don’t want? Why are you forcing responsibility you don’t want on yourself?
Like, either get on board and love this kid and care, prepare for it, or put them up for adoption.
In your shoes, I think it’s fair to take a frustrated and yes, slightly jealous, step (or 10) back from this lady and ask ‘what are you even doing?'” ruffpatches
10. AITJ For Wanting To Change Tables Because Of A Crying Baby?
“My husband and I went out for dinner a couple of nights ago. It was our first time by ourselves after our baby was born. It’s my second child, the first for my husband so it was kind of a big deal for us.
We got a babysitter and we went to a very nice fancy restaurant.
A few minutes after we ordered, another couple sat at the table next to us… with a small baby in a stroller. At first, it was fine but after a few minutes, the baby started crying.
They tried to comfort it, but every time it seemed they had managed to make it sleep, it woke up crying again.
By then we just wanted to leave but we had already ordered so we decided to ask the waiter if we could change tables to the other side of the restaurant.
The waiter asked if there was a problem and I said it was our first time out after having a baby and we didn’t feel like spending our evening next to someone else’s crying baby. He was super nice and quickly asked another waiter to help him set up the new table for us.
Another couple that was in the same area also asked to be seated elsewhere.
The couple with the baby overheard what we said to the waiter and especially the mom got upset and called me a jerk. She went on and on saying that I probably don’t have kids (mm… I have 2) and that babies are also people and we should just accept that babies can be loud and cry and there’s nothing she could do about it.
I didn’t want to start a fight or anything but I got really annoyed by her attitude, so I told her that she could actually do something about the crying… she could take her baby home so it can properly sleep and then let everyone else there enjoy their meals.
She kept saying stuff but I just ignored her, went to our new table, and tried to have a nice dinner (although we could still hear the crying baby but at least it was not right next to us).
This morning I told my sister what happened and she said she agrees that I might have been a jerk.
She said I shouldn’t have said to the waiter that we wanted to move because of the baby and I shouldn’t have said what I said to the mom. So now I am not sure. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It was the other mother who decided to raise the issue with you.
She could have chosen to pretend she didn’t overhear you and got on with her own meal as everyone is suggesting you should have. Especially considering she clearly only bothered to listen to the part that antagonized her and not the part where you also have a baby and this was your first time away from them.
You could have been nicer in your response but the situation could have been left as it was with no need for any discussion whatsoever. You don’t need any reason to leave any situation you are uncomfortable with and it was rude of her to basically insist you had to put up with it.
It’s also incredibly entitled to think that a room full of people who have also come out for a nice dinner should have to just accept it because that’s what you want.” IllegallyWicked
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to be subjected to a crying infant after attempting to escape your own for the evening.
You were polite by asking to be reseated. The other mom decided to involve herself and start a pointless interaction. Could you have kept it moving without interacting with that mom? Sure. You didn’t say anything horrible. Horrible would be behaving like you’re completely unhinged, ie getting close to the baby’s face and yelling to shut up, calling the parents terrible people for having the audacity to bring an infant to a fancy establishment, or putting the waitstaff in the middle of things past your initial interaction with the mom.
You did nothing of the sort. You kept it moving, and there was no reason for the mom to continue speaking about the folks that moved away from their table afterward.
I hope you got to enjoy your dinner after all of that.
ETA: your mentioning the reason was important.
If two couples randomly requested to be moved out of a particular server’s section, management might think that the server’s behavior was to blame. By telling them the reason, you might have saved the server from getting in trouble for something that wasn’t their fault.
You didn’t approach the waiter and say I need to be reseated due to the crying baby. You only provided your reasoning after you were asked if there was a problem. You weren’t trying to start anything, and the only person who decided to blow everything out of proportion was the other mom.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When that couple realized that their baby was disturbing others, the right thing to do was to take the baby out of the restaurant and give it what it needed. Instead, they let the baby continue to fuss and bother the people around them.
They are probably the kind of people who take their baby to an R-rated movie and refuse to leave when the baby cries. If it was a family-oriented place, I would be more inclined to cut them some slack. But at an upscale restaurant, people aren’t going there to hear a baby scream while they try to enjoy their expensive meal.
Doubly rude for them to call you out when they found out you were moving away from them. Selfish, entitled, and obnoxious. You weren’t hurting them and had every right to want to be moved away from their little noise maker. You didn’t make a fuss or cause a scene; they did.
How would I have responded? ‘Yes, babies are people too, and what your little person is telling you right now is that he doesn’t want to be here. But you selfishly sit here while he is miserable. It’s you disrespecting him, not us.’
Don’t worry about it.
You did nothing wrong.” ScoutBandit
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Father Get Closure With My Sick Mom?
“My parents were separated for decades but continued to attack one another verbally through their friends and acquaintances, often putting me and my siblings in the middle of their ongoing feud. As the eldest, I was often the one most caught in the middle.
My parents pretended to be in no contact with each other (when they weren’t fighting via their lawyers) but each would often contact me to just trash the other and then expect me to deliver their toxic messages to the other person. This went on for many, many years.
It was exhausting. Periodically I would lose it and go no contact with one or the other of them, but eventually, I’d relent, and get back in touch (because they needed my help with some practical matter or because I wanted my children to have some kind of relationship with their grandparents), and the cycle would continue.
My mother recently became very ill and went downhill quickly. I took her into my home and was her caregiver until she died. Until the end, she was very angry with my father, and she explicitly told me she never wanted to see him or speak to him.
She became very agitated at the thought that he might visit her and made me promise that I would not discuss her illness with him or permit him to see her if he tried to visit.
In spite of my best efforts to keep my mother’s illness a secret, as I had promised my mother, my father eventually learned through some mutual acquaintances that she was dying.
He then contacted me, demanding that I allow him to visit her so that he could achieve ‘closure’ before she passed away. I explained that she did not want to see or speak to him and that I needed to honor her dying wish. He became furious with me and started yelling and insisting that a final meeting between the two of them was the right thing to do and that I was a bad person and a bad daughter for standing in the way.
I told my father that my mother’s death was not about him, that I was sorry he would not be able to achieve the ‘closure’ he wanted, but that I would not be allowing him to come into my home to upset my mother in her final days.
In my mind it was not my decision to make, it was my mother’s alone. My only job was to keep her as comfortable and peaceful as I could.
My mother passed away a few days later. My father never achieved the ‘closure’ he wanted. He is still angry with me for not persuading or forcing my mother to see him when she was ill.
I think if he had wanted closure he had decades to work it out with her before she became ill. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He had his entire life to ‘get closure’, instead he chose it to talk trash about her, and put you and your siblings in the middle.
She explicitly told you, as she was dying, that she didn’t want to see him or talk to him. You were carrying out her wishes. That’s kindness, I might add, that a lot of people wouldn’t have done since she put you in the middle of their arguments too.
He’s angry with you because he didn’t get his way so he could have the very last word. I guarantee you’ll become the next target of his vitriol because he sounds like a miserable human being.” PrincessBuzzkill
Another User Comments:
“I decided you were NTJ the minute you said that your mother did not want to hear from him and didn’t even want him to know she was sick.
You’re right. This was your mother’s choice. You were just respecting her wishes and making sure her final days were comfortable. Your mother had every right to decide who she wanted around her in her final days and your father didn’t make the cut (for good reason).
Your father’s reaction is very telling. He didn’t want closure. He didn’t want to make amends. He’s had decades for that. He just wanted to make her final days as miserable as possible. Especially based on what you said about what their relationship was like for decades.
Good on you for keeping him away from her.” LoudSize7
Another User Comments:
“You were carrying out dying wishes, that makes you NTJ. If your dad really cared about your mom in any capacity, he should have made amends decades ago. But instead, he steadfastly refused to make tiny concessions, continued to put you in the middle, and refused to make even token peace offerings until it was too late for him.
It would be different if your mom had also wanted to see him, and you were the sole blocker. But you were doing what your mom wanted. I wish you the best of luck, OP.” spiteful_rr_dm_TA
8. AITJ For Telling My Coworker That My Husband Is Better Than Hers?
“I (F23) have a co-worker who’s twice older than me (F45). She’s on the brink of losing her job because she’s not performing well and has a bad attitude toward other coworkers, and many have expressed their issues about her.
She also loves to overshare her life details with her coworkers (ie. her unhappy marriage). Our manager has talked to her about this, but she’s not improving. Ever since she knew she was probably losing her job soon, she starts belittling others more viciously.
Unfortunately, I am one of the people she belittles.
While I understand she does this as a way to make herself feel better, she likes to judge/make assumptions about my personal life (even though I rarely talk about it at work) and sometimes praises herself for being better than me—then spreading that misinformation to other coworkers.
For example, she said she was glad she wasn’t like me; because I love reading and hanging out with my friends. I must be neglecting my husband at home. Or I that I’m spoiled because I brought my mom’s cooking to work ONCE. She also talked to people from another department that I was the one turning her into our manager, while in reality, our manager asked people in our team one by one about her performance before he talked to her about it.
I usually ignored her because what she said is not true and did not cause any real damage to my career, but my tipping point is when she said something about my struggle to conceive. She said my struggle is caused by our own mistakes; God is not going to give us any children because I’m too focused on my career and education.
In her point of view, marriage is about having babies and if that’s not our priority, then God is going to ignore our prayers for children. While it’s true my husband and I postponed our pregnancy, it’s been a year since we tried for a baby, so it kinda hit me right where it hurts.
When she said this, I snapped and told her at least I have a loving and caring husband.
After our ‘argument’, she stopped spreading rumors about me. Instead, she started avoiding and blatantly excluding me from her conversation. Deep down I’m glad that I snapped at her if it means standing up to her, but I also know she’s hurt by my words—and I felt childish for saying those things to her, for getting involved in office drama.
I feel like our ‘argument’ starts to affect our professional relationship as she continuously avoided me. I feel like I cross the line here. So, AITJ for snapping at her? Especially since I live in a country where I must respect people who are older than me no matter what happens?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you gave her a long lead before you had a reaction, and she really went below the belt. Her constant belittling isn’t healthy and she was likely to get a reaction at some point.
If you think she’s gonna be around a while and it’s better for your mood and mental health, apologize for snapping, but make it clear why you did and that you’d appreciate it if she didn’t talk to you or about you like that.
Unfortunately, some people use personal information as fuel, so be careful who you share this with.” luwaonline1
Another User Comments:
“In looking at this, I’m seeing pettiness operating in two people here, not just one. This doesn’t change the fact that you’re NTJ in this situation.
Just as an example: ‘Or that I’m spoiled because I brought my mom’s cooking to work ONCE.’
Seriously? You’re letting this bother you?
It seems obvious to me that she’s jealous, probably because you have a good relationship with your mother who is willing to cook for you at least once in a while.
Why is she (and you) even worried about how many times your mother cooks for you? If I was in your workplace, I think it would be nice for you to have home-cooked meals to bring in for your lunch. But what I’m hearing from you is, ‘Oh, I’m bringing in my mother’s home-cooked food for lunch today.
Better not do it too often or people will think I’m spoiled! So, I’ll only do it once. ONCE!’
Do you not even see how ridiculous it is to worry about that? It’s petty, no-life, jealous and immature. If you did that every single day, I wouldn’t snipe about how spoiled you supposedly are.
I’d be happy for you, and I’d also think that your mother must be a wonderful person.
She’s probably also jealous because she’s about to lose her job. It sounds like she’ll be gone soon enough. But there’s no reason you’re not allowed to help things along.
If she’s gossiping about you, there’s no reason you shouldn’t complain about it. Your workplace might be collecting information about her to justify her dismissal. So, give them another log to throw on the pile.
I’m not saying that you should do this to be petty.
I’m saying you should do this because you have a right to do your job without someone creating a hostile work environment. And if someone’s active gossip about you is interfering with that, then someone should be reported.
You’re NTJ for standing up to her.
But I’m also pointing out that you shouldn’t have to. Not in your workplace.” RighteousVengeance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it. And you don’t have to go along with unreasonable cultural norms either. It’s pretty culturally normal to be accepting of guns in my country, but I’m not at all accepting of them.
She decided to attack and then shocked Pikachu face when she gets it right back. Maybe she should just shut her mouth if she doesn’t have anything nice to say. Being older doesn’t give her a pass to be a jerk.” jammy913
7. AITJ For Not Immediately Taking My Kids To See Their Mom?
“My kids’ mom made poor choices and can now only see our kids for a few hours every other weekend at a public place. Her current partner is not allowed to be around our kids due to criminal circumstances (involving their mom).
She was given the option to choose between him and our kids by the court. They stated if their mom were to leave him and get a restraining order, things could return to normal placement. She chose him and then weeks later became pregnant.
9 months later and she just had her baby and is still with the guy.
Now she demands I bring the kids to see the baby and expects me to drop EVERYTHING to do so as I would have to stay and supervise due to her visit restrictions. I have 3 kids, with extra activities, I work 3rd shift and plan things.
I have all intentions to take our kids to see their new sibling, I have asked her repeatedly for us to plan something but she just demands that instant.
Part of me wants to be the jerk and make her wait until she can resume her public visits because she chose him and to have a baby over our 2 kids and should have thought about these things.
But I do anything and everything for all my kids. So AITJ for not instantly dropping everything at that moment to go to her home to see the baby? Or is it too much to ask for her to plan with me given her restrictions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ whatsoever. You have taken on the Lion’s Share of parenting the kids. She made the choice of putting her children secondary to her romantic partner and unfortunately, there are consequences that come with that choice.
Conversely, you have chosen over and over to put your children first. That means that you do not interrupt their regular schedule by bending to your ex’s whims. Just stick to the court-ordered agreement and politely let her know you can’t deviate from it.
You’re a wonderful father… thank you for showing your kids what that looks like.” Jovon35
Another User Comments:
“Do not take your children outside of any publicly ordered supervised visits. The person she chose has a violent history. There are reasons why he is not allowed. The mother sounds like she has severe mental health issues as she is choosing this dangerous individual to have more children with.
Postpartum women with mental health issues can be dangerous to themselves and others. Your children’s safety and security are much more important than her issues.
She needs professional help and firm boundaries. Do not deviate from any court-ordered safe parenting plan. I would further advise you to look at having all communication directed through a non-partial 3rd party, a social worker or lawyer perhaps.
You have zero responsibility towards her, and zero responsibility for her feelings and desires. You are great for putting your children first. She has chosen to not make these children a priority. They are not dolls she can pick up and put down when she feels like it.
Keep on keeping them safe. She is unsafe and unstable. If she ever makes the effort to protect herself and her children by removing the dangerous person from her life and complying with court recommendations, you could revisit the current visitation agreement under court order.
Until that time, grey rock her and keep the littles safe. NTJ.” upv395
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You aren’t the jerk but she sure is. DO NOT drop everything. She made her choice and it wasn’t to be able to see her kids. It’s not that you are not working with her at all, you are just asking her to actually make plans, and that is not a huge ask.
If she really cared about seeing them then she would do just that and plan something. However, she’s selfish and yet again only thinking about herself.” *************
6. AITJ For Not Being Interested In Meeting My Brother's Baby Because We Aren't Close Anymore?
“I’m 30f and my brother Joe is 24. Growing up we weren’t super close because he always considered me a half-sibling versus a ‘real’ sibling but as he got older our relationship did get better.
We spoke on the phone probably once every 6 months for 3+ hours. However, we only saw each other maybe once every couple of years. In between both of us working and me having a family of my own, time never seemed to line up. With that said though, my kids saw him a lot more than I did.
Whenever my mom asked to take my kids for an overnight visit, she would generally end up seeing Joe so my kids were around him a lot more frequently than I have been and always loved him to death. But two years ago everything went sideways.
He ends up seeing a girl named Jenna. He called and told me about her when they had been hanging out for roughly 3 months and vented to me about not knowing what to do because Jenna was moving far too quickly, despite my brother trying to put the brakes on things (talking about marriage and babies and moving in together, etc).
He was overwhelmed because he didn’t know if he felt that deeply for her yet. But after that, he went complete no contact with me. Wouldn’t return my calls and left my messages on read. He stopped hanging out with our mother and siblings. Kept telling my mom he was too busy.
My mom started getting super concerned because it was unlike him to not speak to or see her.
Not too long afterward, we find out Jenna is 4 months pregnant. She went off birth control without telling my brother and tampered with the protection. She fully admitted to it.
Waited to tell my brother until she was past the mark of being able to terminate the pregnancy, from what he told our mom. He didn’t want anything to do with it but he would never abandon his child so he did the right thing and stuck it out.
But he was miserable and wouldn’t talk to anyone, outside of calling my mom crying a few times. But, at this point, he still won’t talk to me and my kids had not seen him in 2 years either. My youngest doesn’t even remember who he is.
Well, he just had his baby recently and he didn’t tell me until days afterward. He sent pictures. She is beautiful; looks just like he did as a baby. He is in full daddy mode from the sounds of it. He asked me yesterday why I wasn’t acting as happy for him as I did when I found out our sister was pregnant and why I hadn’t asked to see his baby yet because I was there with our sister as soon as she had my niece.
I was honest with him and told him it was because we hardly knew him anymore, whereas our sister kept in full contact and we saw each other often. She wanted me there, he didn’t. He wouldn’t even return my calls or texts. I told him I was happy for him but the situation was different.
He says I am insensitive as heck and I should have tried harder. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He is in a bad situation obviously, based on your story. He is angry about where he is and can’t express it in a healthy way.
So he lashes out at you to release some of that frustration. It’s not healthy, nor good for your relationship. You could try to confront him on the facts but because he is trapped in a bad relationship with his baby momma he isn’t happy with and a daughter he adores.
He’s too close to see the problems. All you can do is try to make him see his situation, which is tough. But he was lied to and manipulated into his current situation and may not know what to do. It’s a crappy situation regardless.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You appear to have attempted to reach out somewhat. Could you have done more? Maybe. But he didn’t respond to any of your calls or messages. Could he have done more? Probably. If he hadn’t gone low-contact to no-contact with you, I’d say no jerks here, but that’s not the case.
It sounds from this post as if your brother is in a complicated space. One of the problems here is that you don’t see him more often than a couple of years. I understand lives and families and such. But if you set a goal of seeing someone, then you see someone.
No ‘fault’ being assigned here to one of you; you both failed to nurture your relationship.
What do you want out of this relationship? If it’s something closer, then you need to take action to open that door. Then it’s up to him to step through (while acknowledging that parenting a new baby is a consuming thing even if there’s none of the drama you believe happened).” bobledrew
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here except your brother’s partner. Here’s some armchair opinions coming your way.
That relationship is going to crash and burn hard. She baby-trapped him far too early in the relationship and emotionally manipulated him into staying in the relationship. Your brother is probably reeling from being miserable from being trapped in a relationship, and also overjoyed at being a father.
He wants you to feel as happy as he is, because on some level he’s trying to use that feeling to deflect from the circumstances of the conception, and you not validating that is causing dissonance.
Eventually, he’ll come to realize the relationship he’s in isn’t good, and she’ll start weaponizing the child ‘you’ll never see your daughter if you leave’ to try and keep him in the relationship.
Just be there for your brother for when things go bad, consider looking up good family lawyers in the area ahead of time.” ciknay
5. AITJ For Standing My Ground In Following The Rules?
“I’ve (23 F) had issues with this coworker in the past, and I’m so fed up with the hostility. We’ll call her Dee (23 F).
So yesterday, she is on DT (drive-through) and I am at the bar making drinks (I am always on DT so I was relieved to finally have a break from the window).
I set the drinks down on the counter beside Dee and proceed to start the next drinks. Simultaneously, Dee is taking an order over the headset, when another customer pulls up to the window and proceeds to whistle at me to get my attention. Nope.
I’m not a dog, and it’s not in my training to respond to whistles. Dee can handle this one.
Dee stops what she’s doing and snaps at me, in front of the customer at the window. ‘What is wrong with you? Why didn’t you just cash them out?
How dare you ignore a customer like that?’ The customer at the window has a menacing grin while my partner berates me.
I stand my ground. ‘Our store manager has been very clear, under no circumstances can we till share. It is a fireable offense.’ I look at the customer dead in the face, his menacing grin turns into a look of offense.
I could care less, and continue doing my job.
She continues to go off. ‘I can’t believe you. It would have taken 3 seconds to cash him out!’ She gets so angry and red-faced that she tells the shift she needs to step off the floor because she ‘can’t STAND working with’ me.
Then she goes home early and we’re short-staffed until the shift change.
I suppose I could have avoided the situation if I did what she wanted, but I’m not willing to stick my neck out for a coworker who is awful to me (even in front of customers) at any chance she gets.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“First, NTJ. Shift supervisor here, you’re completely correct about it being a fireable offense, so thanks for being one of the baristas that take it to heart. Maybe just pretend you’re swamped in the bar— maybe even take a few cafe drinks to ham it up— and really, really can’t help Dee cash someone out (wink wink).
Besides, most shift supervisors prefer you stay planted unless we give you a secondary position; having someone on the bar and also taking cash is unsanitary and interrupts the flow, and doesn’t really happen unless we tell you to drive the bar at the end of the night.
If possible, let your assistant manager know about Dee (not all stores have one). If your manager is MIA, your district manager is always there to support you should Dee try to escalate her behavior, and their numbers are generally available in the back of house.
If their number isn’t available, you can go into another store in your district on your day off and ask them – someone’s gotta know! Maybe get your buddy shift supervisor to back you up! However, your manager may not deem this enough of a problem to take action, so keep that in mind.
Unfortunately, there’s not much support shift supervisors can give regarding cliques unless the behavior escalates into something that requires coaching or write-up (though Dee’s aberrations in front of customers should have probably already earned her a few) so transferring to another store in your district might relieve your stresses.
I’m sorry that this has been troubling you! Best of luck, and good job dealing with Dee!” luckyladybeetle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also if she’s already hostile to you DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SHARE A TILL WITH HER… all she has to do is grab funds from her till and say you stole it… even if they prove you didn’t she will then say you were sharing her till without her ok and get you fired. That will follow you around forever and prevent you from other job sectors such as finance and anything handling cash.
Save yourself the headache and possible future issues. I would go to HR though because this is harassment and let them know it happened because you refused to break company policy and it will all be on video. If they admit cameras don’t work you can bring that up with corporate and explain the situation and hopefully have a much less stressful job.
Also document everything and if you’re in a one-party consent state record her harassment.” pandatron3221
4. AITJ For Hating Going On Road Trips With My Husband?
“Last year my husband (46M) wanted to go visit his sister who lives roughly 600km away. We left right after Christmas day. After like 150km I (41F) asked if we could break for the toilet. I guess I could drink less before a long trip but I don’t want to risk dehydration either, it gives me a bad headache.
Well, my husband asked me ‘Do we really need to stop?’ and kind of brushed me off. Later my husband told me I should have insisted, but I was too shocked at that point, I never had to beg for a toilet break before in my life.
He later said he didn’t want to let pass those other drivers he had passed on the way. I also told my husband I could not sleep well at his sister’s place because the walls are paper thin and my husband and his sister were drinking and catching up until 4 am on both days we were staying.
I did not want to interrupt them, they only meet each other so few times a year. But I just can’t sleep if someone’s talking and earplugs press my ears when sleeping.
This year he wants to go again but I said I will stay home and rest. I like sleeping and peeing so I don’t want to go.
I could take a train and stay in a hotel but the whole point of my going is to keep my husband company in the car and hand him sandwiches so he can eat without stopping.
My husband is now sulking because I ‘don’t want to go anywhere with him, and I don’t want to do things as a family and that I’m being difficult’.
I’d go if we stopped when I ask to but that’s not going to happen. When I asked he got angry and said he could drive 1000km without a toilet break so he’s still not willing to have a toilet break for me.
He’s perfectly capable of rational thinking though, he’s just trying to make a point that I should accompany his needs. His needs are as long as the possible uninterrupted drive, and me being there to keep him company. But he won’t make any effort to turn the trip tolerable for me.
WIBTJ if I stayed at home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds thoroughly unpleasant to ride with him. I’ve driven a LOT across Europe. Serious road trips, such as Trier-Florence, Trier – Roskilde, Kaiserslautern – Vienna, etc…
I did about 90% of the driving. My husband about 10%.
I have ADHD and I’m a terribly bored passenger. I can’t even imagine being trapped as you are. Your husband is being massively inconsiderate.
You need to stop every 2-3 hours to stretch your legs and wake up as a driver! It’s a safety issue.
With fuel prices as high as they are across Europe, why don’t you both take the train? He won’t be as stressed passing slower vehicles all of the time, especially if he’s barely faster than they are.
(I’ve sat behind too many drivers like what he sounds like to be.
He causes a hazard with backups if he does what I suspect he’s doing).
But no way should you get in the vehicle with him. He can manage his own sandwiches and be a stressed-out, obsessed nonstop driver all on his own.
‘My husband is now sulking because I ‘don’t want to go anywhere with him, and I don’t want to do things as a family and that I’m being difficult.”
If he was willing to treat you like an equal member of the family, then perhaps. He could prove that he really wants you along by joining you on a train journey. Compromise by staying there, but he needs to wrap up his late-night conversations by 1 am or midnight.
As it stands now… YWNBTJ for staying home.” Bring-out-le-mort
Another User Comments:
“Depending on where in the world you are, it might be a long way from a toilet and you have to plan those breaks into the drive. It might be the side of the road as much as an actual servo.
While I have managed to go for similar distances in one hit when necessary, it’s not ideal for the body, and those situations were a bit desperate. You do need to stop at least once on a 600km drive, even if it’s just to refuel the car.
On this point your husband is wrong.
The driver needs to accommodate their passengers’ needs. The passenger also has responsibilities, and being a sandwich delivery system is a crude way of describing it. It’s about being a company to stay alert and awake to conditions, being a navigation helper, and yes being in charge of drinks and food/snacks.
Being an active passenger on a long drive is important, and he is being rude about it but technically correct. If you are not ready to be an active passenger, that needs to be agreed upon in advance.
You are NTJ here, as you do not feel comfortable both on the trip and sleeping in your sister’s house, and offering to not go is a reasonable solution.
That other people might be fine with the conditions is not the point either, as it is your marriage and if he can’t accommodate your preferences, then he is disrespecting you and can go alone.
Have you tried to suggest that one year your husband drives up to his sister and the next year she drives down to him?
Is that feasible with both their work and other responsibilities?” AntipodeanOwl
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your husband, on the other hand…
It doesn’t matter how long he can go without a toilet break. You can’t, and you’re more likely to get UTIs than he is.
He cannot demand that your biology changes on his say-so.
He should not demand that you risk your health because he does not want to stop for a toilet break.
He’s supposed to be a loving partner, yet he cannot do a small thing to make you comfortable.
Last but by no means least, nobody can concentrate for 6-8 h in one go. Ideally, drivers should stop every 2h; 4 at a maximum. He’s at risk to his own life, yours, and the lives of other road users because he’s too proud to get pee breaks?
WHAT?!
(The excitedly talking with a rarely seen sister I could just about forgive, though I’d expect ‘we’ll try to keep it down’. The rest? Nope.)” allyearswift
3. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Don't Like What She Cooked After She Asked Me?
“So yesterday my mom cooked a noodle meal, that I didn’t like. She knows I don’t like this particular type of meal, as I always tell her, but she told me that this one was different and that I would like it.
Well, I ate it and when she asked I said ‘better than nothing, but not amazing.’ After dinner, I got some for lunch the next day too (I always get leftovers for lunch), and after eating, she said ‘not so bad now, eh?’ I answered, ‘Better than nothing.’ She then asked if I liked it, and I simply answered ‘No.’
She said something about me being rude and walked away, then was just quiet for a while (unusual since she usually talks A LOT), but I’ve been feeling kinda guilty since then. She usually makes really great food, but once in a while she makes it the way she likes it, knowing I don’t like it, and I think that is fair, as long as it’s not too often, which it isn’t.
But my logic has always been, if you don’t want a truthful answer, don’t ask me.
So, am I the jerk?
Edit: I don’t mean that only sometimes she cooks food that she likes, I mean that sometimes she cooks food that ONLY she likes, usually, she cooks food we all like, including her.
I’m 16.
I always thank her for the food, and I did too this time.
I’m not good at cooking and prefer her food, and lastly, I didn’t just TAKE the leftovers, she ASKED me to take them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re allowed to not like things.
Your mom knew you didn’t like it and tried to get you to lie to her. Yeah, it could’ve been worded better but she again already knew you didn’t like it. To all the people saying they should make their own food. Parents are supposed to provide for their children.
Kids are allowed to have different tastes. Your mom needs to get over you not liking everything she likes. In the future maybe ask her ahead of time if you can help make a dish you would prefer as you don’t enjoy this kind of food.” Nivala_NE
Another User Comments:
“If by ‘jerk’ you mean ‘was I rude?’ then yeah, sure.
You definitely could have provided a much nicer way to say this. It’s always good to respect the feelings and emotions of others, PARTICULARLY those that provide for and look after us.
You don’t want to take her for granted.
But, I mean, you’re allowed to not like a dish. There’s nothing controversial about that, and I feel if you lied then she would make that dish for you more and more, which means you are eating something you don’t want to, AND repeatedly lying to your mother.
NTJ, but it would be a good idea to apologize to your mother all the same, to make both yourself and your mother feel better.” Significant-Staff-22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t like it and she knows. She needs to understand that the fact that you don’t like it, in general, has nothing to do with her cooking skills or it being objectively good, so there is no point in getting offended.
If you want, next time try to say so in a more diplomatic way or explain that she has nothing to do with the fact that you don’t like it, that you love her even when she cooks something she likes despite the fact you (and family) don’t like it and that you’re happy when she is happy to eat and cook something she likes.
You don’t have to lie to make people feel better when you can make them feel better explaining the truth.” Mediocre-Cat2
2. AITJ For Wanting To Build A Privacy Fence To Protect My Dogs?
“So I’ll be closing on a house in about 7 days in a pretty quiet, older neighborhood. I’m a K9 trainer and bring my dog pretty much everywhere so, of course, I brought him with me to our most recent inspection of the property after some work was done.
The backyard is pretty sizable but it only has a 5ft picket fence. While I was inside I left my boy to roam the yard and caught my elderly neighbors on both sides trying to give him treats. I immediately paused the inspection and asked them not to feed my dog anything because he had recently been poisoned by a lunatic in my current neighborhood that targeted all the houses with dogs.
The older gentleman immediately snatched his hand back and apologized profusely, which wasn’t necessary but appreciated.
On the other hand, the older woman sucked her teeth at me and threw the treats at my dog. Since he has training and a good ‘out’ he just ignored them and came to me.
I reiterated my request and why as politely as I could but she, instead, went on a tirade about how I shouldn’t be moving into a neighborhood with dog lovers if I don’t want my dog to be loved by them, that I was rude and that my dog was ‘too skinny and looks mistreated’.
Yes, he looks too skinny, he is. He was poisoned and lost a ton of weight! This sent me over the top and I yelled that I was going to build a privacy fence along our property lines so that she could never interact with my dogs or family again.
This apparently wasn’t the correct response, according to the person I’m buying the home from. He said that she’s just a sweet old lady and doesn’t get much interaction since she’s a widower, her family doesn’t come around, and she’s the last house on the block that backs up into the woods.
That I should have just let her give my dog treats and start off with a good relationship. I’m aware that my proposal was a bit extreme/absurd but I refuse to allow my dog to be put in that situation on top of the disrespect.
Edit: I forgot to mention that he’s on a special diet because of the damage to his organs.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sit down with her and start the conversation with ‘Look we got off on the wrong foot, however, you didn’t listen to me when I shared that my dog had just been poisoned by a person in my old neighborhood.
That is why he looks so skinny and unhealthy. He has organ damage and is now on a special diet. Your treats aren’t a part of his veterinary-approved diet and could have caused a setback if he’d eaten them. I was coming from a place of protecting my dog from another potential poisoner.
I didn’t know who you were, can you really blame me for my reaction based off of what had already happened to my dog?’
If she tries to defend herself and/or claim she didn’t hear you say that your dog had been recently poisoned point out that the other neighbor heard what you had said about the dog being poisoned and stopped trying to give your dog treats.
She has no excuse. If she doubles down, build the fence and put up a net to either catch the treats she tosses or block them from going into your yard.
‘her family doesn’t come around’
I wonder why. I bet she boundary stomps with them as well and they cut her off.” naranghim
Another User Comments:
“I am so glad your dog survived being poisoned! Poor pupper. I hope he recovers well!
Also absolutely NTJ. Being old doesn’t excuse bad behavior, and trying to feed someone’s animal without permission is not acceptable. You never know if someone’s dog is allergic to something, for example!
And as you said in an edit, your dog is on a special diet because the poisoning damaged his organs. Whatever this granny tried to give him could have made him worse!
And your yelling was okay too, as you did it after explaining yourself first and she was being disrespectful.
But I don’t think you should move there. I wouldn’t want neighbors that intentionally put my dog in danger. And yes, as soon as you said no and she threw the treats she was being intentionally malicious. You didn’t need to explain the poisoning or anything about the special diet, she should have done as you requested the first time.” Jatulintarha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Let’s say she loves kids. Would you want her going to your kid at the playground and saying ‘here’s a big plate of cupcakes, eat as many as you want?’ Of course not.
This isn’t really about dogs or loving dogs though.
It’s about respect and boundaries. You calmly asked her to please not feed your dog. She apparently feels she has a right to treat YOUR dog. If she wants to play with a dog she should get a dog of her own.
I’d suggest talking to the man – try to impress on him how important it is that neither of them feeds or treats your dogs.
Tell him you don’t want to build a fence, and you want to be friendly neighbors with them, but it is absolutely essential that neither of them feeds or treats the dogs. So if you and them can have an understanding that the dogs get left alone, you won’t need the fence and perhaps can even have some structured playtime with the dogs and his wife.
Have him talk to his wife and see if she agrees, and if she does agree you need to hear it from her that she promises to never give the dogs any food or treats without your permission.
Also, get some cameras.” SirEDCaLot
Good luck!!
1. AITJ For Eating Ice Cream Off My Sister's Spoon?
“My partner (18f), my sister (21f), and I (19m) were at a mall and stopped to eat ice cream.
We all made our orders together, but the girls’ orders were delivered first. My sister offered me a spoonful of her ice cream to try, and I accepted. Then, my partner immediately stormed out of the store and called an Uber to get her home.
We couldn’t follow her because we hadn’t paid the bill yet.
Later, she sent me an audio message saying that eating food from another person’s spoon is an indirect kiss and, therefore, being unfaithful. She would only agree to talk to me when I am ready to apologize.
It has been two days, and she’s still ghosting me.
I talked with a few friends about it, half said we did nothing wrong, and the other half said it was gross but not being unfaithful. My parents say I should be the bigger person and apologize for hurting her feelings.
AITJ?
UPDATE: My partner called me and explained herself. She’s ‘half-Korean’ (her parents immigrated from South Korea). They seem to have a concept of ‘indirect kiss’ that is non-existent in western cultures.
She apologized for ghosting me and promised never to do it again (she was crying and seemed sincere).
Hence, I will give her another chance. We had a heart-to-heart conversation about our boundaries and things that were hurting us, and we both compromised on a few things. I won’t be sharing utensils with other people anymore. I don’t think this is a big request, and what was bothering me about our fight was how she handled it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Personally, I think you’ve had a lucky escape, Her behavior over sharing a spoon with your sister is a huge red flag and a warning of how toxic this relationship would be if you chose to stay with her. If your partner affects how you behave around family, so much so that you have to watch what you say and do around your sister so as not to upset them, then that girl has serious issues.
Cut your losses and move on.” Ophelia39
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s the jerk. Eating with a spoon or fork is NOT even remotely close to an indirect kiss, for Pete’s sake! You dodged your bullet because she’s somewhat loony, sorry to say that. Don’t apologize because you have NOTHING to apologize for except sampling your sister’s ice cream.
SHE IS YOUR SISTER, FOR PETE’S SAKE, NOT SOME OTHER GIRL! If another girl offered you a sample, that may be different. But your sister? Oh please!” MischievousBish
He is welcome to participate in an activity that is not in my home or on the property I reside on.
Anyone that does not want to attend events at my house due to this choice, I will miss you".