People Won't Rest Until We Give Them Answers Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
17. AITJ For Moving Out While My Parents Are Away?
“I (F20) have three siblings who live at home (M22, M15, M12). My older brother does not work and does not go to school. My middle and youngest brothers are in Middle and High School.
I have been taking care of them for about six years now. My parents both work.
I am the only one who cleans, and makes food and takes care of the dogs. I have access to a car that I share with my brother, but he takes it to go see his friends and hook up with internet randos.
So I have had to bring home groceries on the bus, because oh yeah I also do the grocery shopping.
I have tried talking to my parents about it but they say that my brother is finding himself and the younger ones have to concentrate on school.
I am in my third year of college and it is wrecking me.
My partner (24) has talked to his parents and they are letting me move into the apartment over their garage, he will be paying the rent for the apartment.
He lives at home rent-free but he also graduated and has a great job, so we talked about it and it is fair. We are committed to each other but we are way too young to think about moving in together or getting married. I am not saying that this is too young for anyone else.
We just know what we want in life and until I get my nursing degree and get a job we aren’t ready.
My parents went away this weekend for NASCAR (National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing) in Vegas.
It is their third vacation this year. I do not begrudge them on their holidays, they both work hard, but I am tired of being an unpaid nanny/dog sitter.
So I grabbed my laptop, clothes, and a few other things that I have been gifted. I waited for my older brother to get home, And I left. I told him I was going out for milk but my partner was waiting in the car around the corner.
He started texting me about twenty minutes later saying he needed the car. I did not take the car. I left all the keys on the counter even my house keys.
My grandparents pay for my education so there is literally nothing my parents can hold over me.
I let him know I wasn’t coming back and I let my parents know after the last race that I had left him in charge of the younger kids and bailed.
They drove straight home instead of spending the night partying and driving home today.
Everyone is mad at me for being so immature and thoughtless. I just don’t care anymore. I talked to my grandfather and he says that I am right and my brothers can look after themselves.
My mom keeps calling and complaining that the house is a mess, I was only gone for 9 hours before they got home but my brothers are pigs.
My older brother says I am a jerk because my parents are making him do everything that I used to do.
I cannot find it in myself to care.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“To your brother: ‘Let me get this straight: you never stood up for me when I was living there, you never helped me with all of the things our parents expected me to do, and you regularly monopolized the car so I had to carry groceries home on public transportation.
Why do you expect me to do more for you than you did for me? Especially when I was stuck in that position for years, and you’ve only been in that role for about a week?’
To your mother: ‘Mom, I tried to talk to you for years about the unfair burden you were placing on me to clean up after my brothers, not to mention all the other chores you expected me – and only me – to do.
You had opportunity after opportunity to come to a compromise. So now, it’s yours and Dad’s problem, not mine. I now consider the topic closed. So, is there something else you would like to talk about?
Otherwise, I’ll say goodbye for now.’ (And if she continues trying to complain, say goodbye and hang up… Don’t stay on the line letting her continue to berate you.)
NTJ. And good for you for getting out of that situation.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are using you. It’s not right. I know you’re living there for free and people love to jump on that, but it’s not right that you should be doing all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and babysitting of your brothers when there are 3 other adults in the house.
Yes, your parents work, but you go to school, and right now that’s your job. As far as I’m concerned that means all 3 of you work. My parent’s rule when I turned 18 was always either work, enlist, or go to school, but doing nothing and getting to keep living there rent-free was a no-go.
Your older brother does nothing. Why isn’t he picking up the slack and helping out with domestic duties while you and your parents work and go to school? Seems to me like he has plenty of free time on his hands.
You found an apartment, you’re an adult, and it’s your prerogative to move out. I get the feeling if you told them you were leaving it would be a massive argument because they’d suddenly lose their domestic slave.
This way it’s better: no argument, no negotiation, and you’re leaving. If your parents were normal I’d think it was wrong to just run off while they’re away but your parents aren’t normal. This is wrong.” EmiliusReturns
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents are. You’ve been raising their children and taking care of the house, doing chores and your parents are one thing but you do way more than you should, especially since they have an older son who’s literally doing nothing to help.
Your parents need to put their foot down with your older brother and have him pitch in not you! My family did this to me as well in a different way. I took care of my grandma while going to school and working.
Eventually, I cracked because I was never good enough.
Don’t let them continue to guilt you because they don’t want to put any more effort into their house. You’re not responsible for their house and their children.
It’s not selfish to want to be responsible for yourself at your age, that’s normal. They had a family, they need to take care of them and not make you their surrogate parent, they were selfish and immature.
You could have waited until they got back but I think you didn’t because you didn’t want the blow-up fight in person and you are probably burned out. I don’t blame you for just leaving.
Your older brother is capable of taking care of your siblings, he just hasn’t had to… boo friggin whoo. Too bad for him. I don’t think if you had done it any other way things would have been better.
Your parents would have still complained and tried to guilt and manipulate you. Cut the cord cuz you don’t need that. I haven’t spoken to my mom in 6 years. She was a hurricane of drama, I don’t miss her at all.
It’s hard at first because people will not understand and will guilt you into whatever but do what’s best for you. You’re an adult and they treat you like a servant while you’re older brother is spoiled and they don’t take any responsibility for their children and house… don’t go back.
Finish school and do what you need to for your mental and physical health. They’ll leach your life.” womanroaring78
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Copy From Me?
“So I (16M) have a younger sister (14F) and older brother (19M). I just finished exam crunch time at my school and I’m basically finished for the year. Now, my mother always rants about how I need to give my notes to my little sister because ‘she needs them more’.
Mind you, my brother was never pressured into giving me his notes. I don’t know if this is some youngest-child supremacy stuff but this is how life is for me.
To cut to the chase, I got my essay back today, it was a decent mark but the moment I stepped into the house my mother snatched the paper from me to give to my sister.
I snapped and demanded it back. My mum said yet again ‘she needs it more to study. She has a future and needs to be accepted by the best schools’. My sister got the papers and started laughing and remarking about how it’s useless and how she couldn’t even read the handwriting.
My handwriting is bad but I’ve accepted it at this point. In my petty, hormone-driven mind I said, okay, and snatched the papers back, and tore them to pieces. My mother and sister gasped and started whining about how it ‘was necessary for her future’ and how I was ‘ruining her chances’ nobody I know besides my older brother has taken sides, he’s backing me up here.
So, AITJ for destroying my essay final?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is setting your sister up by putting the temptation of plagiarism in front of her. What’s to stop your sister from just copying your papers, word for word?
I work in a top uni and I have seen way too many teens & young adults get kicked out for plagiarism. I wish I could say that I got satisfaction from it, but it’s quite the opposite.
It’s heartbreaking because I’ve seen so many people ruin their college careers because they think they can game the system. All of their career aspirations are gone because it’s HIGHLY unlikely that they will be able to get into another university after a plagiarism offense is put on your school record.
It’s SO easy to catch plagiarism, it isn’t funny.
Your mom is NOT helping your sister prepare for her future because your sister isn’t putting ANY work into learning. If anything, she’s teaching your sister how to memorize.
When you write notes, you are writing them to YOUR unique learning style. Your sister has her own unique learning style and therefore may not get much use out of your notes.
Learning is NOT the same as memorizing.
NTJ, but your mom needs to get a grip.” jasperjamboree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – ask your mother what about your future? And if she wants to use your notes that badly your mother can hire her a tutor or you as a tutor.
You need to recognize Your sister is equally just as compliant in this, through no fault of her own it’s just how she was raised but she’s actively becoming a product of her environment and you continuously giving her notes and effectively enabling her to never have to work to where she wants to get in life will only let her fail later or sooner in life.
It’s best to stop bringing them home or destroy them all. If Your sister stops getting help now hopefully she’ll stop this entitled attitude she has and grow up to know what the real world is like.” Brief-Finger7474
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If your sister can’t earn good grades on her own merit, how is she going to survive in college where the pace is twice as fast and she won’t have your notes to help her?
Your mother is a massive jerk. Your sister isn’t much better. It’s unbelievable that your mother is putting that much pressure on you for your sister’s success especially when it seems she can’t hack it on her own
Why isn’t your mother encouraging YOUR success and future?
I would strongly consider telling teachers or a trusted counselor that she is not being honest with her work. Copying papers is blatant dishonesty.
This is horrible and I’m so sorry that they are both so awful to you.” 229-northstar
15. AITJ For Being Mad At My Half-Sister For Defending Me?
“I lost contact with my dad’s family after I got married as my dad wasn’t supportive of my marriage but we reconnected in 2020.
My sister usually visits me every year and I invited my half-sisters to come too since we’ve become closer.
We were at a party and my brother-in-law told me my husband wanted me and told me where he was.
My half-sister, Amber, was trying to convince me to dance with them first but my brother-in-law said ‘now’ which upset Amber. She snapped at my brother-in-law that I wasn’t my husband’s dog and I didn’t need to go running as soon as he called. He told her he wasn’t talking to her.
I asked her what was wrong with her because I feel like she was unnecessarily rude. Amber kept doubling down and saying how it was rude of my husband to send his brother to fetch me and I shouldn’t have to drop everything to go to him.
I got upset, especially after she told my brother-in-law he could go away, so I told her to shut up and asked my sister to let me know when they were ready to leave because I was going to go find my husband.
Amber has been pretty much ignoring me ever since and my other half-sisters have both told me she was just trying to defend me and I was mean to her for no reason.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – brother-in-law treated you rudely. Amber tried sticking up for you, and brother in law responded rudely to her. You then decided to be rude to Amber. You didn’t have to be rude.
Being rude is a choice.
You could have easily responded with ‘I appreciate your concern but I’m fine’ and left everything else you said out of it. All you had to do was get up and go find your husband.
This was all so unnecessary and now there’s family drama because of it.” squirreltrap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What happened is that Amber wouldn’t want anyone talking to her that way so she thought you wouldn’t either.
In her head, she was defending you. She is kinda to the jerk cause she needs to realize she acted on an assumption regardless of her intentions.
Your husband and brother-in-law might also be the jerks depending on whether the reason they wanted you there ‘now’, was an emergency or not, and whether or not your husband could come to you instead of having his brother fetch you.
(ETA: and if it wasn’t an emergency, note that Amber had a point)
ETA 2: looks like your husband just wanted to introduce you to someone. In that case note that Amber is right, your husband is treating you like his schedule for you is more important than your own.
I will leave the n t a because Amber can’t tell you how to feel either. BUT as I said, she is right, in my opinion.” lellyla
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I feel bad for your sister she was sticking up for you.
Apparently, you are a very obedient dog for your husband if you go immediately running to him when he calls. I can not imagine why your dad was against you marrying. As a woman just coming out of a highly abusive marriage let me tell you it’s only going to get worse with yours.
All the signs are there in flashing neon. Hope you get out before it’s too late.” Reckie77
14. AITJ For Telling My Brother's Mother-In-Law Not To Tell Me How To Address My Family?
“I (20f) was raised by my older half-brother David (43m) from age 5 up. My mom had her own issues, and our dad wasn’t exactly father of the year, so when David was told I was going to be put in foster care, he did everything he could to get custody of me.
About a year later he met his wife Clara (37f) and the rest is pretty much history. They had their daughter Stevie (7f) when I was 13, and they just had another baby girl last Friday.
Clara’s parents came to stay with Stevie and me since David and Clara are still at the hospital due to some slight complications (thankfully everything is okay though). I definitely could’ve handled Stevie on my own, but David said that didn’t have to be my responsibility and that Clara’s parents wanted to come and help out anyway.
Honestly with Clara’s parents in the house, it feels like I’m babysitting three children instead of just the one I would’ve been watching but that’s beside the point.
When we were winding down and watching some TV before bed, Stevie asked me when dad was coming home because she already knew her mama and her baby sister needed to stay with the doctor for a little longer, and she said she missed them.
I said that dad would be home soon and that he and her mama and baby sister were missing her just as much.
When Stevie was asleep, Clara’s mom asked me why I referred to David as my dad when he was actually my brother.
She said she didn’t like the idea of me confusing Stevie and the new baby like that, and that I should just be honest about the situation from the get-go instead of pretending it’s different than what it really is.
To be honest, the only reason I even called him dad instead of David is because Stevie had asked about ‘dad’ and my brain just didn’t feel the need to put my brother’s name in there, but if I did call him my dad I feel like that’s my business.
I told her that it wasn’t her place to tell me what I can/can’t call David and that Stevie isn’t confused about anything because she knows that I’m her dad’s little sister, the new baby will know that too.
I said that my family consists of the three people staying at the hospital down the road, and the little girl sleeping in her room up the stairs. There is no ‘pretending’ involved because that is what it really is.
We’re a family.
I didn’t stick around to continue the conversation, bc honestly it hurt my feelings in a way. David texted me a little while ago asking if I and Clara’s mom had a disagreement, I don’t know if she told him what the ‘disagreement’ was about, but he then said he hoped she and I can solve it because he doesn’t want Clara to be stressed right now and Clara’s mom has a habit of making things much bigger than they need to be.
That last part kind of makes me think I’m the jerk, I know how this woman is, and I just responded on reflex more than anything else. I feel like I messed up a bit here but I don’t know if I’m overthinking it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is your dad/brother. He took you in… he had the dad role. You are well within your rights to call him dad if you want to… He literally raised you.
The kids won’t be confused. You are in a hybrid sister/aunt situation… How petty of this woman. I’m livid for you… He can be your dad, brother, or whatever, and it’s up to you, your brother, and your sil to talk to the kids.
If she wants to be transparent, she should talk to them… the kids won’t be confused if it’s transparent… X was adopted/taken care of by dad when daddy’s mom passed away…
Read a book on adoption for kids if they seem confused, but this grandma is toxic… But, I also see why you are in a tight spot given the situation with the baby and hospital. Normally I’d say tell your brother, but… I would probably pretend nothing happened tomorrow with mean grandma… maybe fill him in when the stress is down (you can give him a heads up too, he probably knows she is a witch)… Also, I address my kids by saying, dad will be home soon.
I promise I don’t think of my husband as my dad. NTJ but wicked grandma sure is!” mammaistired
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the way you phrased it was the way 90% of us would have phrased it, so it’s clear his MIL was waiting for you to say something so she could bring up the issue.
She wanted to make it clear that your relationship is ‘different’ than her grandkids, which is rude and unnecessary, and you were justified in being upset. Even if you did refer to your brother as your dad, that would be okay, because that’s the role he’s played in your life.
When things settle down you can discuss it with your family, but it sounds like he’s well aware that his MIL likes to make drama and he’s just trying to make sure his Clara isn’t exposed to it because she’s probably stressed out from the complications and all the fun hormones that come with giving birth.
That doesn’t mean he thinks you’re the jerk, it just means he’s got a lot going on.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your brother is just trying to do some damage control so Clara isn’t stressed at home, especially when there were some complications with the birth.
And he knows that his MIL isn’t the type to be reasonable, so he’s asking the reasonable person to help sort it out.
At the very least, I would give him your side of the story, but reassure him that you’re not going to make trouble or stress Clara out.
Good luck OP and congrats on becoming an Aunty again.
You did nothing wrong. That isn’t even something she should be asking you about. If she is concerned that Stevie will misunderstand the situation, then she should talk to Stevie’s parents, not you.
And you are totally right when you told her about who her family is because your brother, his wife, and their children ARE your family. Maybe SHE is the one who misunderstood.” User
13. AITJ For Hanging My Mom's Picture On My Wall?
“My mom passed away when I (22M) was 6, my brother was 2 and my sister was 5 months old, my siblings don’t remember anything about my mom and I remember only a few things but those memories make me love her and miss her all the time, and my dad telling me what an amazing mother she was just makes me wish she was alive more.
My dad met Julia; my stepmom two months later after my mom passed away, they moved on so fast and when I turned eight, they got married, she is the only mother my brother, sister, and half-sister have ever known, they call her mom and see her as their own mom, which is something I don’t see a problem with since she’s been a mother to them, she is sweet and nice to all of us, she is not the creepy stepmom, I always called her Julia though because I already had a mom and I’m the only one who keeps a relationship with our maternal grandparents.
My dad always respected my feelings about mom and Julia, there wasn’t a picture of my mom in the living room but I had one in my own room, Julia seemed sad over the years that she could never take my mom’s place in my life.
I moved out of the house a couple of weeks ago, and I invited them to see my new apartment, the drama started because of a picture. I have a big picture of my mom on the wall and one of my dad, that’s it, pictures of them two on the wall, when Julia came she said that a picture of “another woman” next to her husband’s made her uncomfortable, especially a woman ‘who isn’t part of the family’ then my sister (mom’s biological daughter) said, ‘Yeah, this is weird, mom’s (Julia) picture should be next to my dad´s, how can you put her (my mom) over our mom (Julia) You are being so unfair to mom (Julia)’.
My b***d was boiling, I mean this is MY MOM, and HER MOM too plus Julia can’t expect me to forget my mom since I was old enough to remember her, and it felt like they were insulting my beloved mother.
Thus I said: You are all right, she is no one, not part of this family at all just the woman who gave birth to me and you (pointed at my sister and brother), the one who passed away driving her way home from her job, Do you ever listen to Yourselves?
What a stupid thing to say!
I then asked them to leave, cuz I felt hurt, my dad, called me later to check if I was ok or if I needed his help, he promised to talk to Julia about it so it never happens again, my siblings later called saying I mistreated their mom and I made her cry so bad.
I feel like a little jerk because Julia has been nothing but kind and sweet to all of us but I think she overstepped. My partner thinks I should apologize.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your father understands your feelings and he is on your side. That’s a big thing, and you’re lucky to have such a dad.
Your young siblings don’t remember their birth mom. They were too young when she passed away.
They only know Julia. For them, she is their mom (the person that raised them, even if they aren’t b***d). It’s normal they are defending her when they see her cry. Just like you defend the memory of your mother.
You need to make an effort and understand this.
The only person that overstepped is Julia. She sees it as a personal failure that you never accepted her as a mother. After all these years, she’s still hurt and frustrated by this.
She should be happy she has 3 wonderful children calling her mom, and an older one that respects her and her marriage, but for whom the mother’s place is taken. Julia needs to understand she can never take your mother’s place.” esk_7140
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! Op, I’m so sorry your family is attacking you over your choice to honor your mom. They don’t have memories of another mom, so they can’t understand what your going through/feelings on the subject.
Your dad sounds like he’s understanding however, your siblings must have been pressed into their strong convictions about you not just giving up on your mom. Personally, I’d expect apologies before carrying on with them.
Sure your siblings are ‘young’ but they are old enough to know better. I’m betting ‘Julia’ has probably unloaded her annoyance about this with your siblings. I want to add, you are OWED apologies and you have ZERO reasons to give one.” RoyIbex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They were out of line. Julia especially. She raised them, and it’s okay that they view her as a mother. But she’s NOT your mother. In any way. Your siblings might not understand, but they take their queues from Julia.
She knows that is your Mum. She knows what she’s doing. She overstepped her boundaries, and you had absolutely every right, to defend yourself, and say what you said. Whatever pictures you have in your home are your business.
No one else’s. You stand your ground and keep your boundaries. As for your siblings? Tell them, what they and their ‘mother’ did hurt you, and you need time to forgive them all for their behavior.” LadyBladeWarAngel
12. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Spend A Lot For Halloween?
“We’re both 32, married for 3 years. We finally just bought a house in Denver, CO. Meaning $$$. On top of that, we’re making some minor updates, so finances are tight.
My husband, Pete, is one of those people who has a thing about being the ‘cool’ house on Halloween.
Giving out full-sized candy bars, being ‘cool’ and ‘in the know’ and giving parents drinks or something, over-the-top decorations, etc.
I’m not AGAINST decorating, giving out candy, etc. I love seeing kids in costumes.
But I’m just not into all the excessive spending and the whole meme-y ‘spooky season’ thing. I think $50 for a few bags of candy and some cobwebs/spiders and maybe a pumpkin or two are fine for this year.
However, Pete wanted to go all out. He wanted to get that huge skeleton, all the little ones, etc. Get hundreds of full-sized bars, tons of drinks, etc. He got frustrated that I had no interest, and then finally, I told him:
‘If you want to do all this, you can do it out of your own fun/personal budget for the month, but we have more important things to save our joint funds for right now.’
He got upset because he doesn’t HAVE the funds he would need since he already spent the majority of it on his video gaming hobby.
I said that we can do something bigger next year if he really needed to prove himself.
Plus, we have no way of knowing how into the whole song, and dance people get in this neighborhood. The last thing we need is a ton of candy bars sitting around, I’m already barely squeezing into my size 6 jeans lately.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You agreed to your personal/fun budgets and other major spending decisions have to be made together. You understandably don’t want to go all-out, especially the year you bought your house.
I think you’re also totally right that it makes sense to see how into Halloween the neighborhood is and how many trick-or-treaters you get before spending a lot on the holiday. How annoyed would you be if you spent hundreds on decorations and you don’t even get any trick-or-treaters?
For what it’s worth, I have to say I agree with your husband that the giant skeleton is awesome tho. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think he’d be able to get one anyway—Pretty sure they’ve been out of stock everywhere for a while now.” camellia_s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I also love Halloween, and if I bought a house, the giant skeleton is the top of my list! But, that requires money that your husband doesn’t have.
So he wants to spend his funds on his gaming hobby and your funds on Halloween… you better clear that up right now!
You are totally right that this is something to save for and also to be reasonable about. Buy some fun-sized candy, put up some pumpkins and see what the rest of the neighbors do.
And also, take this time to discuss what is a shared expense and what isn’t, and what could be a shared expense if you saved for it, and do this now before the Christmas tree becomes the next battle!” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Y’all just dropped a lot into a new house. Unless you’ve been staking out the neighborhood over the years and know how many kids there are and such, then you will be wasting your funds.
Tell your husband to take this next year to get a feel for the neighborhood for each holiday. Talk to neighbors and ask what goes on and what people do. You just got a house you don’t need to go all out the first time around only to be disappointed. Get the fun size candy and a couple of carved pumpkins.
Each year the day after Halloween, hit the stores for their Halloween discounts and slowly build up to being the ‘cool’ people who go all out.
Also, regarding the drinks for the adults, not everyone drinks.
He needs to find which of your neighbors are recovering heavy drinkers and would be offended being offered a drink, or that kid that looks 21 but is only 18 taking his/her baby sibling or niblings treating, but will gladly take an offered drink.
Then there are those parents that just would not think about having a drink in front of their kids (trust me, I know 2 of those types).
Many people may not even go to your house as you’re the new people, the ‘strangers.’
There are so many variables, and you need to take the year to figure it out.” GardenSafe8519
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Go To Graduate School?
“I (36f) and my husband (40m) are both nurses. He works full-time and I work part-time, on his days off. We currently have a 2 1/2-year-old, and I am 8 months pregnant with our second and last child.
My husband has talked constantly about going back to school. He really wants to get a doctoral degree in nurse anesthesia (CRNA). If the title sounds like a mouthful, you can only imagine that schooling requires a huge time commitment.
While in school, he would not be able to work or help much with the kids. The CRNA program is a lot like medical school & is 3 years long. I would be 100% financially supporting us, as well as being a mom and dad the majority of the time.
The timeline for him to go into the program would be 4 years from now. Our son would be 6, and our new daughter would be 4 years old. I have told him 4 years is the earliest I could possibly do it because they would be in school (headstart and 1st grade) and not a daycare.
Here is my problem… while it seems like a noble idea to sacrifice myself, and pretty much support our children and finances alone for 3 years, I am really not very happy about the idea.
My husband feels that being a CRNA would make him happy. That is the only reason I feel more pressured to take on the responsibility of being a ‘single mom’ in the near future.
He thinks that I am being unfair in not supporting his dreams. Honestly, though, I think it would be putting too much unneeded stress on both me and the children. I have also struggled with mental health issues for 10 years.
I think one of my worst fears is that if I do everything alone for 3 years, I will get too accustomed to life without his help. I don’t think that is healthy for a marriage.
I also personally don’t feel any reason for him to go back to school other than the fact that he says it will make him happy.
I feel selfish for not wanting him to go back to school, but it also seems to me like he is asking too much of me!
Given this information, AITJ to be upset about him putting pressure on me to do this?
Update: I have talked to my therapist about the situation and we are going to have a couples counseling session to see if we can reach some kind of agreement or compromise on the situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t understand why he would want to do that if your family doesn’t seem to need it… If it’s just because it makes him ‘happy’ then he’s being extremely selfish and should’ve thought of that before marrying you and starting a family.
Because he should’ve known that now it’s not only about his happiness but the family as a whole. If that isn’t going to make his wife and kids happy then why would he even want that?
I also don’t see how he could possibly feel good about his wife being the one with all the stress just bc he wants to pursue what makes him ‘happy’. He’s a husband first, father second, then the rest should fall after that.
I agree that it probably isn’t a good thing for your marriage.” Unpopularopinionpod
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. I think it’s completely reasonable to be concerned about the financial and parenting burden his master’s program would put on you, BUT you lost me at the end when you said how you really feel: him pursuing a master’s has no value because it’s just for his happiness.
I was thinking no jerks before that remark.
Everyone has a right to pursue what makes them happy. You two are a team. If one of you is unhappy it makes them a less effective partner and parent.
That crap compounds over time and is going to cause the stress and tension you’re worried about anyway. (I grew up the child of chronically unhappy parents, careerwise. There’s an effect on the kids no question.) Part of being a team is helping one another succeed in life.
Another part is finding a way to do it while remaining stable. If you’re uncomfortable with the pressure, thays valid, but it doesn’t mean you get veto power in the situation. you two need to discuss ways some of those pressures can be alleviated so that he can pursue his betterment and you’re not drowning while he does.
You don’t see a reason for him to go back, by your priority list and that’s okay, but it’s also not for you to use your opinion to determine whether something is important to him.
I do recommend you stop with the view that his master’s would be worthless just because it’s for self-fulfillment. That’s a huge reason and shouldn’t be downplayed. I’d suggest having a sit down between you with totally open minds (TOTALLY open; like ‘love every idea for 15 minutes’ type open) and explore your options so you may both get what you want and need.” armchairshrink99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for considering the real stresses this puts on your lives. He basically says he wants to opt out of family life and family caregiving for 3 years. And I’m not saying he shouldn’t do the program or not, just that he’s not considered how this will make you essentially the solo adult in your household.
I would wait to make any decisions until your second child’s second birthday (so essentially 26 months from now).
I would also make concrete goals for what your life needs to look like before he starts it.
I would include paying for regular childcare, housekeeping services, maid services, lawn care, etc. Basically, start budgeting now for how to outsource a lot of stuff. I don’t know if you have a lawn or not, but figure out how to get as much of this stuff done as possible by paying other people so it doesn’t consume your time.
I would also figure out what will make it easier for you both as parents, like sleep training the kids when they’re young so you can generally sleep through nights, teaching them to help around and the house in age-appropriate ways.
If he wants to do this, then he needs to come up with some well-thought-out plans for how to address all of the logistical aspects of your lives that he would be dropping in order to pursue this goal. This kind of stuff isn’t just gonna go away.
And if he can’t help you figure out an answer, like really thorough ones, and manage this, then I would say no he shouldn’t do this because he’s being selfish and he’s not considering the repercussions for his family.
He’s not entitled to up end your lives to pursue a passion project.
I do agree that it’s a lot different making these kinds of decisions once both of your kids are over the age of two, versus one toddler and an imminent newborn.
It’s a huge difference in their development and just your parental responsibilities. This is why I say at least table that discussion until after your second child turns two.
If he really wants this to happen then he needs to take your concerns seriously and address them thoroughly, including how this works with your kids to make sure they are able to help and be independent and responsible.
If he can’t prepare you and the kids to be able to function without him in four years then it is he who is being selfish.” Soft-Tangelo-6884
10. AITJ For Telling My Boss To Get Lost?
“So I stopped working at my job in September because of college but I’m still employed within the company. I told my managers I was in college and couldn’t work again till winter break and they have seemed to forget and constantly call me asking to pick up shifts.
Anyways I texted my manager and told her I had no reliable way to get to work and her response was ‘take the bus.’
Anyways there is a monthly mandatory inservice I keep getting scheduled for even tho I haven’t been working.
I didn’t go to the last two (September and October’s) and now my boss is really mad.
I sent her a screenshot of our text conversation saying I wasn’t going to come to the inservice and forwarded her the emails stating I was in college and could not work again till December.
She told me that since I’m still local I should still be working and come into work and take my co-worker’s shifts. That I’m being an unreliable co-worker to these many new hires who I have never even met.
Anyways I told her I wasn’t going to be able to attend the mandatory inservice or work till December and she responded that she saw me at my college campus last week (doing a career fair) and I didn’t look very busy.
This very much upset me that she kept going and wouldn’t accept the fact I can’t work till December so I told her to get lost and leave me alone.
Am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. If you want to keep the job, you’re going to have to put in some sort of effort or compromise. If you can’t do the job, you’re better off quitting and finding another one when the time comes because you cannot fulfill the role.
It is not their job to hold employment for an employee who cannot work several months at a time.” LiveLovelyLala
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You tried. You were polite the first few times.
Then they kept pushing boundaries.
I don’t know how old you are, but whatever age you are is a perfect time to learn about setting boundaries. Signing up to work a job is NOT an agreement to be their slave.
This is borderline harassment from your Manager to keep pestering you when you went to them before and got their agreement to your leave of absence.
Absolutely find another job, and absolutely get more money for doing said job.
Perfect time for a raise!
You need to learn now that NO job will EVER pay you what you are worth, only what you accept. And that includes how you allow them to treat you.
As my grandfather used to say – be polite first, it costs you nothing. But also know when to stand up for yourself, no one else will.” wyck76
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Honestly, you should just quit, or the company should let you go. Expecting to remain employed somewhere while refusing to do anything to keep up with your workplace is not reasonable. Yes, you set clear expectations, but they really aren’t realistic.
And your employer should have been upfront, told you that would not work, and given you the option of picking up a minimum number of hours or quitting.” Eastern_Fox5735
To call you, or demand you work shifts is like calling someone off on maternity leave or medical leave.
You are not currently working hours. If this harassment continues go over their head.
9. AITJ For Removing My Roommate's Fire Alarm?
“My roommate and best friend, each one of us (26M me) (29M), have a fire alarm installed in our room by the landlord.
Our brand of fire alarms is trashy and keeps breaking down (the alarm starts beeping every 30 seconds it’s loud enough to wake me up from my room or annoy the F out of me if I’m elsewhere in the house).
This happened before and the landlord replaced it with the same trashy brand so now its happening again. For some reason, my roommate is REALLY obsessed with keeping his in his room. When it was busted last time and I removed it he got upset, landlord replaced it, and low and behold today it started beeping.
Today it woke me up from my nap, I message him to do something about it he said ‘it’s not bothering me.’ I message the landlord to come to take a look, and she tells him to hit the reset button which pauses the beeping for around 8 hours until it comes back.
8 hours later (now) the beeping starts again, I tell him that we should remove it from the room because this button just pauses the beeping and it’ll start again soon enough. Except for the next time it starts, he will probably be at work and I won’t be able to do anything about it cuz it’s in his room.
He refuses to remove it or let me remove it. So, annoyed, I reach up and remove it against his will. He saw this and got very upset and now won’t talk to me at all or acknowledge that I’m talking to him.
Since he is my best friend I spent 30 min messaging him on all platforms apologizing and offering to put the alarm back or give him the alarm in my room instead. He refused to acknowledge me in any way.
AITJ here? What was I supposed to do? Let him keep it in his room and potentially get woken up again when I have work in the morning/suffer with the alarm at home the next day until he gets back from work.
UPDATE: no, it’s not the battery. This model specifically does not have a replaceable battery, and the beeping pattern means a malfunction as per the manufacturer’s manual. They say when this beeping pattern happens the whole alarm needs replacing.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, do you know how often people remove them because they’re too lazy to buy a new one or put batteries in, and then when an emergency happens they don’t have an alarm?
If the sound bothers you so much, go to your local hardware store and buy a nice quality one, they aren’t expensive at all. The landlord is only obligated to get a basic smoke alarm, you can’t dictate whether it’s the nice one you’d like and your roommate clearly doesn’t mind the beeping as long as it does its job, if it’s not actually working you need to get on the landlord’s case and tell him he keeps buying defective ones and that you’re entitled to a functioning alarm.
You can’t just go about putting people’s safety in danger because you find the beeping sound to be a nuisance.” Substantial-Ad6622
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, the landlord for not coming sooner, you for taking something from your roommate without permission, and both you and your roommate for not communicating.
You could have told him that in 8 hours he will be at work and you will be at home, so you’d appreciate it if he left his door unlocked so you could reset it.
More importantly, I’m not convinced your smoke detector is malfunctioning. In many countries, smoke detectors are wired to the electricity and also have batteries, this is so there’s always a backup power source if the batteries die or the power goes out.
When the batteries die, it makes that beeping. After you replace the batteries, you have to reset the alarm to get it to stop beeping (at least with the brands I’ve used).
Each brand has a different process, but if you google it you can find out how to reset it after replacing the batteries. It’s a different reset than you’re using. If I remember right, for the brand I last reset you had to press the reset button 3 times and on the 3rd time hold it for 20 seconds.
Or something like that. My batteries tend to last about 1.5 years (although it’s recommended here to replace them yearly), but if your landlord put in old batteries when they replaced the detector last time then they wouldn’t last as long.” stinson16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If there is no battery to replace, & the only real option is replacing the whole alarm, then, of course, you’re NTJ for removing it, that’s what needed to be done.
A broken or malfunctioning fire alarm isn’t going to alert you to a fire when it’s beeping every 30 seconds non-stop. I’d want it gone because every time it starts up again I’d immediately think there’s a fire & panic.
It may have been in his room, but you’re renting an apartment together which makes you both equally responsible for handling &/or notifying the landlord of things like this. He refused to do his part in maintaining the apartment, so you had to take matters into your own hands, especially when the landlord themselves won’t deal with it.” Rennnitie
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The landlord is responsible for ensuring functioning fire detectors in the building. Supplying detectors that consistently malfunction is illegal—in the US, at least. Call the local Fire Dept and explain what’s happening, and they should be able to supply you with the info you need to force the landlord to comply.
In some cases, the Fire Dept. might be able to help you procure functioning detectors immediately. Until you get new ones and/or the landlord complies, you need to continue resetting the malfunctioning ones you have, as it is better safe than sorry in my opinion.
Your roommate needs to be more considerate of your needs. It clearly bothers you and interferes with your well-being, and the noise is coming from his room, so it is his responsibility to get up and reset the detector if it triggers falsely.
You should not have taken his detector. It doesn’t belong to you. Technically it may not belong to him, either, since it’s supplied by the landlord, but it is in his room and he is the one who is held liable for it, not you.
You had offered your own detector in its place, which doesn’t make any sense to me. Are not both detectors malfunctioning? And if it’s the case that yours is fine, why wouldn’t you just have swapped them immediately instead of nagging your roommate to reset or deactivate his?
You tried to offer up your detector as a peace offering after you had demonstrated your willingness to take and/or destroy something from his space, which doesn’t fly, as I’m sure you’re aware.
At this point, to your roommate, it’s no longer about the detector; it’s about your behavior.
Your roommate kept the detector not because he enjoyed the beeping, but because he knows a detector can be lifesaving.
The fact you took his away indicates to him that you don’t care whether he lives or dies as long as you get to sleep.
I certainly see both sides of the issue, having been the instigating and receiving jerk in many a petty squabble.
So in this case it’s clear to me that everyone involved needs to shape up and figure out a way to get a working fire detector in the apt as fast as possible, take a nap, share a tub of ice cream and talk about your feelings, and move on.” LuLuDeStruggle
8. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister That She's Being A Jerk?
“I’m F27 and my sister Nicole is F30. She has a daughter, Lily (F7).
Yesterday, I went over to Nicole’s house to catch up. She has been fighting a lot with her husband recently so I wanted to take her mind off things.
Everything was going well until it was dinner time. Lily wanted to read a book on fables while eating, which angered Nicole. Nicole wanted her to focus on eating and talking to the guest (me), but Lily wouldn’t put her book aside.
Nicole told Lily that she could read later (after dinner), but Lily replied that she wanted to keep reading. Nicole started ranting that Lily never listened to her and was always distracted. I told Nicole it was alright, and I didn’t mind Lily reading at dinner.
However, Nicole said, ‘This is MY household – I have rules for MY kid to follow!’
Nicole tried a few more times to take the book away without success. Then suddenly she screamed really loudly – ‘Hand the book to me!’ Lily looked startled and reluctantly handed the book over.
Nicole started violently ripping the book until only it was totally destroyed.
I was really shocked and Lily started crying. Nicole threw what was left of the book into the dustbin and said ‘That’s what you get for testing me!’
I told her it was really unnecessary to tear up Lily’s favorite book, but she just sat at the table and said ‘I have a headache, don’t talk to me.’ I tried to argue with her but it was like talking to a wall.
Frustrated, I yelled that she was being a jerk.
She got angry again and said – ‘Do you know how tiring it is being a mom? No, of course, you don’t know – you have no kids!
I’m tired, leave me alone!’
Eventually, I left. Nicole texted me later saying ‘Don’t bother coming again’. Did I go too far by calling her a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but your sister way more of a jerk.
Your niece should have stopped reading at the first ask, and your saying ‘I don’t mind’ did way more harm than good. It undermined your sister and the initial lesson of politeness she was trying to teach was valid.
You encouraging your niece to be rude might have made your visit more pleasant in the short term, but your niece continues existing once you leave and your sister wants her to grow up to be polite.
However, ripping up the book was incredibly disproportionate and hateful by your sister. I will never get behind parents who destroy things when confiscating them for X hours/days/weeks would be just as effective at the moment.” ttnl35
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your sister overreacted and showed her child that destruction is an appropriate outlet for anger. Not okay. She is definitely the biggest jerk. But you also made a mistake.
I did this as a teenager so I understand being a guest and feeling bad that a parent is making their kid do something for your benefit. But as my mom told me then, and I saw later, it isn’t your place to undermine the parent.
You should have stayed out of it. And Lily should obviously have listened to her mother.
Your sister is on the edge. She needs help. That doesn’t make what she did okay, not at all.
Parents that much at the edge do need help, but so do their kids. I don’t think she’s dangerous – she destroyed the book instead of touching her child- but she needs an intervention.
At this point, you can’t be that for her. If you hadn’t undermined her parenting, it might be different but she’s already on the defensive with you. Maybe talk to her spouse or a parent?” Indusnm
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You for saying it’s alright to do what Lily did. I understand you wanted to avoid conflict but that was a teaching/parenting moment about house rules.
Sadly it went sideways.
Your sister for ripping the book apart. Even frustrated beyond all limits she should’ve just put the book aside with the promise that as soon as Lily is done eating she can resume where she left off.
Lily for bringing the book to the table. She is already 7 and should understand that dinnertime is time spent with the family: talking, sharing, discussing the day they had, etc. What she did is the equivalent of bringing your phone and messaging away or watching videos.
Not nice is it?
I do understand that books can and are quite captivating, I’m an avid reader myself but you shouldn’t bring one to the table if you have company.
Your sister is trying to establish a routine that’s beneficial for the family and you by undermining her words made a bad situation worse.
I suspect your BIL is doing the same so your sister isn’t really an authority figure for her own daughter because others keep contradicting her in front of Lily thus she is stressed and frustrated constantly.
Cue disobedience from the daughter and your sister’s mental breakdown. You went there to support her but ended up pushing her further down the rabbit hole.” Lovrofwine
7. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Has Favorites?
“I (22F) was adopted by my parents (73M and 70F) when I was very little.
In 2007, my adoptive brother (50M) and his wife (50sF) had a son (now 15M). As soon as my nephew was old enough to start school, my mom retired so that she could stay home to babysit him.
Recently, my mom asked me if I thought she was a bad mom because we didn’t get along when I was growing up, but I was super close to my dad. I told her she was a good grandmother to my nephew, but not a good mom to me.
She got very upset and said that I should be more grateful for her and that I was a horrible child for saying she wasn’t good to me. I told her that she very clearly favored him and made me feel unloved most of my teenage years.
Here are some of the main things that made me feel my mom favored him:
If there was something in the house my nephew wanted, even if it belonged to me, he got it.
This included toys, bikes, etc. I was constantly in trouble for not eating all my food (I am autistic and have aversions to most foods, so I was pegged as a picky eater) but he would fill a huge Tupperware with cereal and milk but only eat about 1/4, every single day.
He’d leave it on the side table by the couch and head to school. He still does this, and my dad is the only person that’s ever gotten onto him for it.
I joined the band in middle school and had to be at school early for rehearsal. My mom didn’t want to drive to the school twice and my nephew didn’t like having to wait to go inside, so she wouldn’t go early.
I got a D in band one year due to this.
During an argument over my PS2, my nephew told me that no one loved me as much as they loved him because I’m adopted. My mom heard but said nothing.
On my 16th birthday, I had a band concert. It was in February at night and very cold outside. My nephew wanted to go see a movie, so my mom left halfway through to take him, and left me to walk home.
My mom and dad drove separately, and he thought she had taken me to the movie with them after the concert. I was often stuck at home during summers while she took him to movies, the aquarium, or other places he wanted to go.
At 16, I told my mom it felt like she loved him more than me and she responded, ‘He’s my grandson, it’s supposed to be that way.’
In every argument, she took his side.
His events were more important than mine. On my birthdays, I had to pick a place he would want to eat or just stay home. My entire life became catered to his.
Since that conversation, my phone has been blowing up.
She told my family and they, aside from my dad, are all texting me to say how mean and horrible it was that I said that. I was answering her question honestly, but now I’m afraid I may be the jerk for not just reassuring her and keeping the truth to myself.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ
I get why you answered her truthfully, and to be honest, I am not sure that I would have been able to bite my tongue either. She had very clearly made up her mind about how she is going to treat you and sadly that is likely not to change.
Your nephew sounds like an entitled jerk, but that is also the way he was raised. I do think you knew what your answer would cause and that you honestly would not do anything good for yourself there… but it is hard not to give someone what they ask for…
I would put distance between you and her. Talk to your dad, and answer the rest of your family honestly and explain your side. You can let them decide for themselves if they are going to be blind about things or not.
They likely are aware of how you were treated as it doesn’t sound like your mother hid her actions around others. You might let this be a blessing where you find out who is really YOUR family.
It might only be your dad, and even he might be pushed away from you by your mother. If this is the case, do what others do and make your own family with people who care… they are out there, and you are worth it.” MithrilCache
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it’s fantastic you told her the truth. Anyone who says anything to you just lists all the horrible things she has done and said. There is no excuse for her behavior.
Go no contact with her and love your father. I am sorry she’s such a witch. Be good to yourself and have an amazing relationship with your dad.” jgl1313
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I believe she knew the answer to the question before she asked you. You told her the truth, how these things made you feel. If she couldn’t take the answer, she shouldn’t have asked the question.
If she wanted to further discuss this with you, she blew her chance by whining to the other relatives about the answer she got. Sorry for her hurt feelings, but you spoke your truth.
It’s all you can do. Maybe she thought you were going to give her a pass on those behaviors. I guess she got that wrong. You were a child and after your nephew’s arrival, felt that you weren’t given the same love and attention that you had before.
That would definitely hurt. When you have the opportunity to speak with her about it again, explain this to her. Perhaps she never realized how it affected you, but explain what it felt like as a child.” Fragrant-Art-4753
6. AITJ For Getting A Gift Back?
“My (25F) brother (17M) is quite the golden child and is worshipped by everyone in our house including me. He always gets his way and sometimes even we let him.
I started observing in the past year he has become increasingly entitled and always expects that his demands would be fulfilled. When I first realized we were the ones who are enabling him I started to say no to stuff that I found unreasonable.
I even talked to my parents but they think he is a teen and that’s how they are.
Around a few months back my company laptop stopped working and I had to buy a new laptop as my company said a new device won’t be available for at least 1 month (there was some procurement issue).
My brother insisted I should buy a gaming laptop as they don’t lag and he suggested a model which was within my budget. He said he will play games on it for an hour a day which I did not mind.
I received a new laptop from my work approximately 3 weeks ago. My brother insisted I gift him the gaming laptop I purchased. I said he can play with it like he has been doing but it is not a gift. He kept on insinuating it is ‘his laptop’ to his friends.
He is now addicted to it and last Sunday he spent 12+ hours playing some online games.
I told him he needs to return my laptop and that I will be password-protecting it. He started yelling and called me selfish to take his gift back.
I told him it was never his, to begin with, and I do not wish to enable his addiction. He is throwing tantrums now about how I am taking away a gift from him.
My parents think it is his life and I have no right to interfere. I said they can buy him a laptop but I am not enabling him.
AITJ?
Update: I sat my parents down and tried to have a mature conversation over this.
They were not receptive at first but eventually at least agreed that my brother’s behavior was incorrect.
I had a long conversation with my brother about his entitled attitude (not only on the laptop issue but overall) and I am not sure if he would change easily but for now, he apologized and promised he won’t use the laptop until I allow him to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You, unfortunately, played into the game of enabling him by treating him like he was younger than he is and saying ‘okay, you can play on it for a little bit, but just so you know it is mine’.
You’re not wrong for taking it back, but it sounds like you need to do a lot more questioning and examination on yourself for enabling behavior, cuz the way you handled this situation treated him like a baby and now he’s throwing an absolute hissy fit and you’ll have to deal with that and fight to get your laptop back.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but next time, maybe don’t look the other way for a very long time before you decide to enforce the rules. He sees it as if you didn’t really mean what you said because you immediately basically gave it over to him to use all he wanted, despite your words.
This kind of pattern teaches kids of all ages that words don’t matter so long as they get their way. Then when someone finally tries to enforce the words, they’ve lost all value.” stinkykitty71
Another User Comments:
“I am shocked that your company is allowing you to use a non-Network computer for work purposes. That’s just asking for network trouble… like ransomware, Trojan horses, etc
You should have never let your brother start gaming on that PC but that was a foolish kindness not jerk-ery
The way your brother is behaving makes me wonder if your computer has already been compromised. It doesn’t sound like your brother uses very good judgment about computer activities.
Your brother has a huge sense of entitlement.
Take the computer back to where you bought it, get your money back, and make your place of employment purchase the computer like they’re supposed to or find you a loaner
Keep your computer password locked until you can return it and get your money back.
NTJ” 229-northstar
5. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Worrying?
“I (23f) currently have a job in a medical clinic. I am still in the trial phase of this job but sadly, around a month ago, I got sick.
I am INCREDIBLY tired and feverish and no matter the exams I do doctors can’t seem to find what I suffer from.
As my sickness prevents me from working, I am on sick leave and have been for the past month.
I am still going through appointments with doctors to find out what I have and it’s a lengthy process. I do not know how much longer it will be and how much longer I will be away from work.
As my state requires a bit of monitoring I am staying at my parents’ place. My dad is retired and my mom is disabled and can’t work anymore so if anything happens to me they can call help for me.
Yesterday, my mom asked me when I intended to come back to work, or if I was interested in her calling the hospital to shorten the process so I can go back to work quicker.
I told her that as I am not even well enough to stay home on my own, there is no way I can work at the clinic and that medical processing takes an awful lot of time anyways.
She practically lashed out at me, saying I am worrying her a lot because not only am I sick and we still don’t know why, but I might lose my job if I stay away for too long.
She then proceeded to tell me I should have pushed harder for admission to the hospital since caring for me makes her stressed out. (I mostly sleep and vomit throughout the day and cannot take any medication yet so I hardly think that it’s true).
She said I am not being serious enough about my condition and that it was going to cause me a lot of problems later in life. That my job deserved an apology from me for being away that long.
At that point I was feverish so my patience wasn’t holding up at all. Her words sounded like mashed potatoes translated into sounds and I just wanted her to stop because I felt awful and worried enough as it is, so I told her to please be quiet, because I am doing all I can already, and if a job is bad enough that they fire me because I am sick, they don’t deserve me.
She tried to protest but I told her that at the end of the day, while I appreciated her trying to help, I was sick of her worrying and she was making my fever worse.
She shut down and didn’t say anything, then left the room. Later on, my father came to tell me what I had said had really hurt my mother and that I’d been very rude since she was crying now.
I think if anything, I should be the one crying now but maybe I was too harsh. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, your mother is not a physician. Therefore cannot decide whether or not you need admission to the hospital. Your physician doesn’t think at this point in time it’s necessary.
Now I’m not saying it might not be beneficial, but most of the time they know what they are doing. MOST OF THE TIME. I do understand that as parents we worry. Especially when our children are sick.
But harping on you and trying to guilt you in regard to your employment will not make you feel better. It will only add stress and make you feel worse. Try to understand where your mom is coming from (just a little), her child is very ill and no one knows why, and she can’t make you better (like she did as a child, I assume she took care of you).
She does need to take a breath and realize you are doing your best.” Livid_Yogurtcloset67
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom has the right to worry about you. It’s not appropriate for her to bother you with that worrying at this time.
But, it’s also not her responsibility to care for you right now. I know it feels that way because you’re young and she’s your mom. But you’re an adult. So if she’s telling you that she feels like she can’t care for you and you need to come up with alternate arrangements, that’s on you to do.
She’s not your paid caretaker. And you’re not her minor child. So, unfortunately, the real jerk here is the medical system who isn’t providing you with somebody who can professionally care for you.
She does have the right to decide that this is too anxiety-provoking for her and decide to let you figure it out. And you will eventually have the right to reject taking care of her when she’s old and needs your help.
That’s how the system works. It’s messed up, But the responsibility for this shouldn’t really be on her anyway. Like it or not, you are treating her like this is her responsibility. And it’s not.
It shouldn’t be yours either. The whole situation sucks. But it sounds like she’s trying to tell you that this is too difficult for her, and you should probably listen. Ignoring her would make you the jerk.
Treating her like this is her job would make you the jerk. So don’t do that. You are well enough to type this post, which means you are well enough to call around and try to figure out what your next steps are.
Luckily, your coworkers are medical professionals and I’m sure there are people you know who can help you get advice on how to get care in your own home.
When you realize how expensive it is, you might realize the value of what she’s doing.
If a professional caretaker costs hundreds of dollars a day, that means that your mom is doing hundreds of dollars a day worth of work for free. That’s definitely the way to think about it.
She’s telling you she doesn’t want to do hundreds of dollars a day of work for free. And she has the right to do that. You should be respectful of that boundary. She’s not a volunteer caretaker.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sure your Mom is worried about you, you losing your job, and who will pay your bills, but she probably doesn’t grasp the complexities of getting a medical diagnosis in a complicated situation.
If you lose your job because you’re sick you can claim unemployment benefits. All of that being said, talk to your doctors and see if there is any way to expedite the process.
Even if they say no, it will appease your Mom and soothe her anxiety some. Be gentle with yourself and your parents. I’m sure the stress of the situation is felt by everyone.” GnomieJ29
4. AITJ For Spending My Daughter's College Fund?
“Our daughter is 20F and she recently decided to go back to college after taking a year off.
She dropped out of college a few months saying it wasn’t for her. We adamantly advised against it but she ended up moving in with her significant other and started working in his family’s restaurant business.
There was still a little north of 30k set aside in the account I set aside for her tuition fund. My wife and I had been wanting to remodel our kitchen for a while so decided to go ahead with that money.
Well, now my daughter has decided to go back to college because it didn’t work out with her SO and she didn’t like any of the jobs she had following that.
She was shocked that we had used her college fund towards the house even though we had this conversation before she left. She asked if she could have access to her college tuition account before she moved in with her SO to which we explicitly said no and said that was saved for her tuition only and nothing else and that if she left we’d use it for something else.
She said she thought we were bluffing and didn’t actually mean it and that we need to help her pay for college since we are still paying for her younger brother’s yearly tuition.
I told her she needs to work part-time and go to a cheaper place like a community college rather than a state school.
She’s been angry over this and ignoring her mother’s phone calls.
Her mother has said maybe we can still help her out financially but we’re nearing our retirement age and a little behind our retirement goals so I don’t want to take away from our savings just because my daughter made some bad choices.
I feel like I have given her good alternatives and even offered to let her stay at our house free of rent so she can just focus on paying for college. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes. YTJ. You saved for your daughter’s education for 18 years yet you didn’t hesitate to put the money to other uses the moment she diverted from a traditional education path. If you truly meant the money for her education, you could have held it for her in case she returned to school in the future.
(Often people who don’t complete a four-year degree in one go still return to finish their education later or pursue trade school).
It is your money. Your daughter made a poor decision leaving school and you did warn her the fund would go to other uses.
You are not technically wrong and your daughter is facing the consequences of her decisions. That said people make mistakes, especially when they are young, and you’ve chosen for this to be a much bigger mistake for your daughter than it had to be.
It was your right to do with the money as you saw fit and to remodel the kitchen but it was not a compassionate decision as a parent.” Traveller13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It’s consistently insane to me that people will claim to be loving parents and then pull this kind of nonsense. You understand how young 20 and under really is? Most people don’t have life figured out, and in a time where degrees more and more aren’t a guarantee of a good life anyways, it’s pretty understandable for someone young and not sure of who they are yet to be tempted by relationships or seeming good opportunities.
People can winge all they want that she’s an adult, but it’s insane to expect someone to magically have everything figured out and to be making amazing decisions at 18-19. Their brains aren’t fully developed, they’re often on their own for the first time and have some grace.
I’m 28 and feel like I only really stopped being a child in the past few years. It takes time to learn how to navigate the adult world of jobs and relationships and opportunities, etc.
How selfish do you have to be to see what you, as a sincerely grown adult, can recognize as a likely very temporary poor decision, and immediately spend 30k on a kitchen? How little do you care for your daughter?
How do you even spend that much on a kitchen?
YTJ 100%. Act like a parent and help your daughter. She didn’t suddenly stop being yours the second she hit 18.” EthanEpiale
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you screwed your daughter over and don’t seem too concerned about her. Your wife seems like she’s the only one who cares and wants to help her.
You don’t seem to care what happens to her at all.
You know you can’t pay for community college with a part-time job, (let alone a Bachelor’s). Offer to let her move back in for most parents would be considered the minimum (even for some of the negligent parents featured on this forum).
But who cares about your daughter, I mean obviously not you! And when your wife is sad because her baby won’t talk to her, just show her that beautiful kitchen and say ‘that backsplash is totally worth our child’s financial security.’
If your daughter comes over for the holidays, be sure to give her the tour and explain how the countertops are a better investment than her future. I’m sure she’ll agree as she’s working her butt off to afford one community college course.
Good parents understand young adults make dumb mistakes and need grace and guidance to navigate/correct those mistakes. Instead, you, father of the year, took advantage of the first opportunity to profit off her mistake.
You definitely taught her a lesson. You can’t count on family, and given the chance, Dad will screw you over without remorse or hesitation. But he’ll magnanimously offer you the bare minimum while patting himself on the back.
(I hope for her sake you make your retirement goals, I’d hate to see how else you can eff her over).” LolaJune25
3. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Use A Paid Leave To Go To My Partner's Friend's Memorial?
“I’m 24 F and my partner is 28. We have been together for a year and a half basically since I graduated college.
My partner’s friend passed away tragically from an illness about a year ago. He was absolutely torn up and I did my best to support him. I went with him on the 5-hour flight back to his hometown to be there for the services.
This brings us to the current situation happening now. The first anniversary of his friend’s passing is coming up and his parents are having a special memorial church service and a luncheon afterward.
My partner is going, I told him I am not.
I have a family vacation planned as well as a bachelorette party for one of my best friends coming up by the end of this year.
I have been planning on using my PTO for these. Who knows what can happen especially with the Rona still existing, so I don’t want to use sick days up either. I told him that I wasn’t planning on going with him back for this memorial.
He is extremely upset. Like screaming and slamming doors upset. I’m a terrible partner. I don’t support him. I don’t understand how badly he is hurting and he needs me there for this.
I’d rather get wasted for my friend’s bachelorette instead of being there for him. These are just some of his claims.
I went with him for the actual services a year ago, and I just don’t want to use my time off to go there for this.
My parents are also in town the weekend of this and I want to see them. So AITJ?
Edit: he passed away at the beginning of our relationship, I met him once.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You have very valid reasons for not attending.
He’s obviously still grieving and should probably seek therapy at this point in his grieving process. Grief can make people do jerk things but that wouldn’t make him a jerk as grieving is a very individual process.
Encourage him to see a grief counselor and continue being there for him.” snewton_8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is being manipulative, maybe because he hasn’t processed his own feelings about his friend, but that’s on him, not you.
This isn’t the funeral, which you went to. This is a memorial of the one-year anniversary of his death and he needs to understand that. Grieving has no time frame, but that doesn’t mean that everyone needs to grieve the same.
He needs to work out his feelings for himself. That’s not to say you can’t or shouldn’t be there to support him, but you also have things going on, and you have a life too.
At this point, it’s unfair of him to ask you to put your plans on the back burner for this.” litt3lli0n
Another User Comments:
“This is a difficult one as the obligation that our loved ones place on us for emotional support, and the fulfillment of that – is what bonds us.
I don’t personally believe your partner should be placing the obligation of a remembrance gathering on you a year later. You do need to accept that his thought process and what he feels about this may be entirely different from yours – and although excessive – may lead to the destruction of your relationship.
If he is not being given the support he feels he needs, regardless of your outlook, that changes a lot. It wouldn’t make him wrong – it wouldn’t make you wrong. You simply see your reasoning as carrying more importance to you.
This isn’t really a matter of who is the jerk. The compatibility just isn’t there.
You either accept that you have made a choice and are right in that choice – or decide that the relationship is worth the excessive need for your support.” Lost_Calligrapher694
2. AITJ For Siding With My Partner's Dad?
“I and my partner Corey (both 27) have been together 5 years. I’ve known her family for a long time and have formed a good relationship with her dad. We both golf and watch sports together, I consider him a friend.
Like 3 years ago it comes out (3rd party) that Corey’s mom was having an affair. Her dad moved out and her mom went nuts. I stayed out of it but I refused to accompany Corey to her mom’s house.
I don’t deal with dishonest people and let her go alone unless it is a big Holliday or an important event at her mom’s. This whole time Corey was pushing her dad to reconcile with her mom.
She begged him to try counseling and talked about forgiveness.
I don’t know what happened but Corey’s dad eventually gave in and went to counseling. They reconciled 2 years ago. Then it became this weird situation where Corey’s mom seemed to enjoy bringing up her affair.
She would post on social media how forgiveness and the church brought them back together. Constantly talking about the power of prayer. As a man, I could see her dad HATED it. In my opinion, he was only sticking around for the sake of the family.
In February this year Corey’s dad left in the middle of the night (according to Corey’s mom – her dad told me he left a note). He moved in with a woman he had been seeing.
They are now divorced and Corey’s dad is living with this woman. I’ve maintained my friendship with him. I told him I can’t really blame him as he was in a no-win situation.
Corey on the other hand has been a nightmare. She’s blocked her dad. Bashes him to friends and family. Gets mad at me for carrying on a relationship with him. She also goes to her mom’s house regularly to ‘comfort’ her mom.
None of this she did to her mom whenever she had an affair years ago. Instead saying that ‘they worked past that together’. Last night I called her a hypocrite in front of her brother.
Saying that she never blamed her mom, and instead preached forgiveness. Never cut her mom off and never forced me to stop talking to her dad. She never went over to her dads rental alone to ‘comfort’ him.
Only push him to reconcile. She then demanded I stop talking to her dad. I said I’m an adult who doesn’t let others dictate their relationships. That I and her dad do not discuss her in any form.
We talk baseball lol. So no I wouldn’t stop because she wants to be a hypocrite and not hold her mom accountable for what happened. I recommended therapy for her but was called a jerk for this.
I don’t think I need to apologize as calling her a hypocrite is accurate. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what we know of this situation, the mom’s infidelity was VERY different from the dad’s ‘infidelity’ and it seems like the mom was behaving abusively at least after the affair happened. I get Corey not wanting her parents to split but she’s a grown adult and it seems like she didn’t care about her father’s feelings at all.
However, this is definitely going to drive a wedge between you and Corey.
I think it’s great that at least you’re trying to somewhat be there for her dad whilst he has no other support but it might be necessary to back off a bit from the situation and talk more to Corey about what she’s feeling.
Be there for her, hopefully, she realizes that her actions were also very jerk-ish and maybe she can reconcile with her father someday. It’s not that Corey should completely cut off her mom either but hopefully, she realizes her mom is not just a poor victim in this situation.
The mom is the biggest jerk here, especially for constantly bringing up the affair! Especially in front of other people ONLINE! She is delusional, she made her bed and now she needs to sleep in it.” pastel-spell
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Corey’s mom – For having an affair, and thinking things can ‘just go back to normal’ – but dwelling on the whole situation. She also sucks for being blind to what was going on with her husband.
Corey’s dad – For having an affair, and then moving in with the other woman. If he ‘left in the middle of the night’, and ‘moved in with the woman he had been seeing’ – You think he wasn’t having an affair?
I almost wonder if ‘payback’ wasn’t on his mind.
Corey – For not owning up to what’s been going on, and taking sides, when it appears that both parents have fidelity (and other) issues.
You – For siding with Corey’s dad, when it appears he was probably lying to Corey’s mom – but saying Corey is a hypocrite when she downplayed her mom’s infidelity.” SnooCauliflowers9981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
In a relationship that long it’s a blessing to have a good relationship with your partner’s parents. And the bottom line is your partner has acted like a fool every step of this journey.
She enabled her mother’s narcissism and invalidated her father’s feelings and is probably the driving force in why he made the mistake of trying to reconcile the marriage when he never really wanted it for himself.
I’m sure he was more than bitter about the affair and it was cathartic for him to have his own and helped him realize all he wanted was a fresh start with a new partner, and good on him for taking off.
Your partner seeing her mother as a victim in this situation and holding it against her father is a massive red flag and she is a hypocrite and this is a hill I would let a relationship die on because your partner clearly believes being faithful in a relationship is a rule for thee and not for her.” jm7489
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Mom for having an affair and wrecking the marriage
Dad for having an affair and YES he did have an affair. He had the choice to tell his wife that he can’t forgive her after all and he wants a divorce and get a girl afterward.
Your partner is a hypocrite for taking sides, pressuring her father to forgive his wife, and failing to understand that her mother’s unfaithfulness is the reason this whole situation started in the first place.
It’s her father’s decision alone whether to forgive his wife or not. No real man wants his wife to sleep with another man and I’m 100% behind every man or woman that wants to divorce their unfaithful partner because trust is nonexistent afterward and it’s the most vital part of a relationship.
You are a hypocrite for ‘I don’t deal with dishonest people’. Then why do you stay in contact with her dad? Because he’s your friend? He did to her what she did to him and you’re on his side?
Do you not see the hypocrisy?
As a man, I can understand the father not being able to forgive his wife. I also could never be together with a woman that slept with another man while being married to me.
Breaking marital vows is 100% the reason for an instant divorce and zero chance of forgiveness. But I find it very deceitful that the father was biding his time until he was financially in a better place and was seeing a woman while he was still married to his wife and pretending like he forgave her.
I hope you realize that if you don’t make up your mind really soon (best take a step back and let your partner do what she wants they’re her parents anyway) your partner is probably going to break up with you.” Jorwen
And in your shoes, I'd be thinking hard about what this means for your future with her.
1. AITJ For Making Other Plans On My Brother's Wedding?
“So my brother is getting married this Friday at like 5 pm. I am a groomsman in the wedding, and 2 days ago it was finally communicated that we (the groomsmen) are to be at the venue at 930am to help with set up (and drink).
Some context: this is my youngest brother, and most of the groomsmen are his friends who are single and childless. I am the oldest, married with 2 young kids (3y and 5mo & breastfeeding).
The wedding is semi-local, in that it’s about a 1-1.5 hr drive from our house. My wife is not part of the wedding party. No kids are invited. My wedding nor any wedding I have been a part of required the groomsmen to be there so early, so this was not even on my radar.
My in-laws are planning to watch the kids for the rehearsal and what we assumed would be the afternoon/evening of the wedding day. They are not available the morning of the wedding, and all of our other sitter options either are working (because it’s a Friday wedding) or tied up in the wedding.
Because of the distance, gas prices, and one of us wanting to let loose, my wife and I want to drive together so coming at 930am is not ideal or possible, especially since my wife is not part of the wedding party (or invited to any of the events) and we have no sitter.
I talk to my brother today and lay out my predicament. He basically chastises me, telling me I’ve had a whole year to figure out childcare and his fiance acts as though we are ruining their wedding day.
I tell them that with a 2-4 week heads up we probably could have accommodated, but 6-7 days is not enough, especially for a weekday morning. That’s followed by awkward silence, and a ‘fine, whatever’.
There is a parallel dimension where I would have driven to help set up, then back home to get my wife, only to drive back to be in time for pictures, but now I’m not even considering offering that since they were so rude.
Am I the jerk here?
Edit: My plan and what we had set childcare up for, without any info, was to be there and ready at 1 (the groom’s schedule wants us there and ready at 2).
I did take PTO and don’t have plans in the morning, so the day is cleared per se. With the above plan, our only available sitter made plans for the morning, so we have no option.
Random online babysitter service is a hard no for us.
I did reach out 2-3 weeks ago asking for a schedule and was told one would be made available soon. Could I have been more persistent with follow-up, sure.
But an answer there or even a heads up that we would be needed the whole day would have avoided this whole dilemma.
Lots of different experiences with weddings and expectations for set up, which I expected. The 5 or 6 weddings I have been a part of have never required any or very minimal setup by the bridal party.
Groomsmen were asked to be there an hour before the pictures, so 4ish hrs before the ceremony. That is my experience and what I planned on with no other info.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if it wasn’t communicated that you would be necessary 7+ hours early, it’s not fair to expect you to know. He said you had a year to set up childcare, but you didn’t, you had the 1-week heads up he gave you.
Of course, it’s normal to be there early, but you didn’t know you needed to be that early.
You tried to find someone to watch your kids. But that didn’t work out.
It happens. You’ll still be there standing for him at his wedding, you’ll still be there early for photos and getting ready. You just won’t be there as early as all the other groomsmen.
End of the day, of all the things that could go wrong at a wedding, this is pretty benign.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Yeah, maybe you should have confirmed earlier when and where he would need you, so a very soft YTJ for you.
But a harder YTJ for your brother. He should have informed you way more than a week before the big day of the details of when and where you would be needed. Forget the kids; what about requesting off from work?
5 pm wedding on a Friday? Some people might just take half the day off and work in the morning. And depending on the job, someone might have to fill a work shift. He probably knew about this 6-7 weeks ago, told his friends who were local, and realized that you may not be aware.” Crash_D
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This all seems like a lot of headaches over three hours. Assuming you’d get there at 1 pm like you said in your post, and your brother would be fine with you being there at 10 am instead of 9:30… that’s only three hours…
Ask your brother for a ride if it’s really that important to him. Ask your in-laws if they can be there even an hour earlier. Bring a six-pack if you want to smooth things over.
I don’t like telling people to be a doormat, but if there are two times in life that it’s worth it to give in, and just appease someone, it’s their wedding day, and when they’re pregnant.
You’re not a jerk for not being there, but a good brother would find a way to make it work.” _User_Profile
Another User Comments:
“Sorry op but YTJ. It’s your brother’s wedding.
I understand the issue with your wife and kids but you’re a groomsman and just because his friends are ‘younger’ and don’t have those obligations doesn’t make it a viable excuse for the biggest and most important day of your sibling’s life.
Make the appropriate arrangements to be there on time and arrangements for your wife and kids to get there even if it takes public transportation or family assistance. Life only happens once. Think of all the things you missed that you wish you hadn’t gone halfway on… don’t do it again.” sargentpepperz
