People Want Us To Assure Them That They're Blameless In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Children To See Their Grandparents?
“I (27f) lost my husband in January 2022 while I was pregnant with our youngest. I’ve got three kids ages 6y, 3y, and 4mo.
Both sets of grandparents help out a lot and I am very grateful for that. However, since I had the youngest (my only daughter) my parents have been pressuring me to meet new people.
I’m not ready for that yet.
They’ve set me up without talking to me. They’ve invited these people over without telling me. The list goes on. This I handled.
However, when I picked up my kids from my parents’ house yesterday my oldest asked me why I don’t want to give them another dad.
That grandma had told him that I didn’t care about them having a dad. I explained the best as I could that I wasn’t ready and I wanted to be sure they were ready as well.
After I got them into bed I called my parents.
I told them that they were way out of line bringing my kids into it and that they won’t be visiting for a while.
I’ve been getting messages nonstop from my parents, aunts, and uncles that they only want what’s best for me.
Now I’m wondering if I took it too far. Way too close to this.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents have lost their minds. You just gave birth 4 months ago! You just lost your husband THIS YEAR.
You did the right thing – give them a timeout.
Put them on an information ‘diet’. They don’t have to know everything at all times. Slowly, over time, you can visit again, but for now, you can’t leave them there, clearly, since they are out of line with what they’re telling your SIX YEAR OLD.
They may have ‘good intentions’ but you know what the road to the underworld is paved with, right…?
Good luck and stay strong – you’ve got this – when the time is right you will meet someone else, but you need time to heal physically, mentally, and emotionally.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only jerks here are your parents and family members who condone their disgusting behavior! What kind of parent sees their child’s life partner die and instead of asking how they can support their child in their grief try to force them to ‘move on’?
And what kind of grandparent would say something so disgusting to their grandchild trying to upset them and emotionally manipulate them instead of going out of their way to show extra love when they have just lost a parent? Your parents are disgusting!
You did the right thing to go no contact with them and prevent contact between your children and them, a parent’s job is to protect their child and you did the right thing, protecting them from your parents who emotionally manipulated them – which is awful!
So sorry for your loss, and sorry you don’t have a better support system like you deserve.” Sunnymum93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You have not even begun to grieve and process your husband’s passing. Good job telling your parents no visits. Now it’s time for them to receive a list of boundaries and repercussions.
Discuss my remarrying in front of or with my children, even small comments, will result in 2 weeks of no contact. Figure out your boundaries and stick to them.
I would also have a conversation in person with your parents and tell them the third time they bring up a new daddy or husband, it will be a full year before they see your children again.
Period. They are not well intended, they do not have your or your children’s best interests in mind. They are attempting to force their misogynistic beliefs on you. You are a smart, strong, and brave person. You are protecting your children. You don’t want to be dragging people in and out of their lives.
Sorry you are dealing with this crap.” Neat-Boysenberry5333
18. AITJ For Upstaging My Cousin At Her Wedding?
“My (22f) cousin (23f) got married weeks ago.
Between the two of us, she was always the prettier one. I don’t care really.
I never cared about how I looked. The only time that I actually make some effort to look good is for special occasions like weddings so for my cousin’s wedding I put on some makeup and got a cute dress.
When the wedding started and we saw her… well, I think it was the excessive use of makeup but she didn’t look pretty at all.
Since she got back from her honeymoon she hasn’t been talking to me at all which was weird because we were always close. I finally got tired so last night when we met at our grandparent’s home I asked her what was wrong with her and she snapped at me and said I upstaged her at her wedding.
I got angry and asked her what she wanted me to do and she said I did it on purpose because I never care about my looks but I had to make myself look pretty at her wedding. This is where I might be the jerk because I was so angry so I told her what do you want me to do you looked like a clown, I would look better than you even if I came to your wedding wearing my pajamas.
She called me a jerk and left.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Yes, your comment was unkind. That said, her bridezilla reaction to you simply trying to look nice for her wedding is over the top. I find it interesting that she sees your lack of interest in your looks on a day-to-day basis means that you will never prioritize it.
The people I know who don’t prioritize dress and makeup don’t do so because they’re slobs but because they just don’t prioritize it. When they do prioritize it for an event it isn’t with an ill-intent (eg, upstaging a bride) but because they prioritize the event or the people involved.” Upset-Valuable-2086
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t upstage her. ‘Upstaging’ at someone else’s wedding would be you telling everyone that you’re pregnant or wearing a wedding dress/white gown to their wedding. She’s just jealous, and the fact that she singled you out of every other guest there proves it.
If her makeup was caked on, she should’ve felt upstaged by EVERY other female that was present. Instead, she only felt threatened by one person, Y-O-U. She actually should’ve been thankful you took her wedding seriously and dressed up for the occasion, but I do think your comment was a bit over the top.
Overall, NTJ.” Anxious_Pie_7788
Another User Comments:
“NOT THE JERK. Her reaction after the wedding was her own insecurities about her looks that came out. She either went through all the photos or watched the video of the wedding to come to that conclusion. You have to ask yourself – Why did she single you out of all the guests that got dressed up for her big day, to say you upstaged her?
Hmmm… because she wanted you to be that frumpy ugly unkempt cousin. She purposefully invited you to look ugly in her pictures and was disappointed that you didn’t.
Think about your relationship with her, are you really that close? Or did she keep you around to boost her ego because on a regular basis, you don’t care about superficial stuff like her and that’s why she felt she was prettier?” SkepticAquarian876
17. AITJ For Making Family Members Fight Over A Water Bottle?
“My son (9M) is very particular with food and drink, he doesn’t like the food touching each other on a plate, and under no circumstances will he allow anyone to drink out of his bottle. I used to be the same with my food and I still don’t like anyone drinking out of my bottle so I get it.
I grew out of the food issue, I assume he will too. Anyway moving on…
My brother (30M) has a daughter (2F). We were both visiting our parents. My son comes running into the kitchen crying because my brother had given his daughter my son’s drink bottle because he didn’t bring hers.
So I told my brother that my son doesn’t share his bottle so he can’t give it to her. There is a shop just down the road that sells bottles, he could have easily gone for a short walk to get one, or god forbid, use a cup.
My brother then bends down to my son and tells him that his daughter can not drink because of him. I saw red, I told him that he is completely out of order and he can not blame my son and told him that he is causing this problem because he forgot to bring his daughter’s drink bottle.
We argued, and I went to take the bottle back. He snatched it away from me and threw the bottle over a large fence. AITJ for the way I reacted? Should I have just let her have the juice bottle? He is not the type of person to let this go and I will absolutely suffer for this for years to come, no over-exaggeration.
Also, my niece had been in the house for approximately 5 minutes, I wouldn’t have let her dehydrate.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is a bully. Who tells a 9-year-old old that it’s their fault a 2-year-old can’t drink? It sounds like it’s your brother’s fault that ‘she can’t drink’ because he forgot her cup.
Also, throwing it over the fence because he didn’t get what he wanted screaming: ‘there, now no one can have it’. Your brother sounds like he never grew past that 10-year-old mentally. Plus, he is gonna make your life miserable since you dared to defy him?
Why are people putting up with this toxic, bullying behavior? I would cut that man right out and let anyone who tries to intervene in that decision know that I would do the same for them if they don’t cut that crap out.
I am guessing he is anywhere from mid-20s to early 30s and he is still pulling this crap?
Wow. Someone needs a reality check. I won’t be surprised if his daughter either turns out like him or goes no contact with him because he will probably bully her too. This man thinks he’s top dog, you got to take him down a notch or nothing will change.” TheThriftingFox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First off we are still in a crisis and even if we were not, it’s flu season, and young kids are always carrying colds, infections, etc. You don’t need to go on about your son being particular, just say it’s not appropriate to share because of colds and flu and other illnesses.
Second – no you won’t suffer for this for years – you shouldn’t let him in your home near your son. Your son should not be spoken to like that by anyone even if family and your son should not witness bouts of anger like that.
Protect your son, you might have grown up with him and been forced to accept his behavior but your son does not need to.” Tantrums_and_Tiaras
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother has no right to bully your son. Not in your parent’s house or anywhere else.
If you haven’t noticed we are still in a global crisis and on the verge of flu season. Not sharing bottles is smart. Also, a two-year-old starts learning boundaries by being given boundaries and for your kid, you set the boundaries. In your place, I’d have told your brother you wouldn’t be returning until he’d purchased a new bottle for your son and one for his daughter as well and he can apologize for his behavior.
He can explain why you left and won’t be seeing the family while he’s there until then. Then stand on that hill.” Winter-eyed
Stand your ground with your son. Don't let him be bullied by any one especially an adult who's supposed to love him. Great job, mom.
16. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Giving My Furniture To My Sister?
“I bought a house last year, and historically my mother kept telling me I could take the furniture in my childhood bedroom, which has been there for about 20 years.
After she had told me I could for a long time, I then asked her when I actually bought the house whether I could take the chest of drawers. She said yes.
The next time I visited home, I went upstairs to my bedroom. The drawers had been removed from my bedroom without warning or explanation and my belongings from said drawers were scattered on the floor.
I said nothing and assumed I had done something wrong which means I was no longer allowed the drawers.
I didn’t mention it to my mother at all.
A few months later, my sister bought a house and sent me a video of it. In her video was my chest of drawers, the ones I had asked my mother for.
I was so hurt and upset but didn’t mention it to my sister.
The other day, I realized this situation wasn’t very fair and I mentioned it to my mother. She has completely withdrawn from me and gone very cold and is not speaking to me.
AITJ for being angry that my own furniture was dangled in front of me, for me to have, then secretly given to my sister?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it was offered and you accepted to take the furniture. It therefore should have been given to you, or at the very least your mother should have asked if it was ok that your sister had it instead.
I do not like that there is no conversation/request. I do not like that your belongings in the drawers were treated so poorly, that’s rude.
You seem very worried about causing an upset by your unwillingness to bring it up. It makes me think you have to tread on eggshells, or that you are not very assertive.
You were right to bring it up, but your mother is only being cold because she’s been (rightly) called out. Why don’t you ask your sister if she knew it was promised to you? She might give them back. I think your mother is in the wrong.” Lionsloyal
Another User Comments:
“When you saw your belongings scattered on the floor and the chest of drawers gone, you assumed you had done something wrong.
I want you to read that again and again because it absolutely screams ongoing family dysfunction and possible emotional abuse.
It is not normal to find something like that gone, with your belongings scattered on the floor, and to think ‘I must have done something wrong so I can’t have it anymore.’ And then to just accept that and say nothing? OP, what has your mother done to you that makes you think any of this is normal or okay?
It is perfectly rational to be angry about this.
You really need to do some thinking about how your mother treats you because it really seems like she has destroyed your self-esteem and your ability to judge what is normal.
NTJ.” ZestycloseCrow4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Give your mum the same treatment and go low contact. She expects you will grovel for her attention and love. Ice her out and don’t initiate contact or your mum will always use the silent treatment to control you. Do you have a partner or friends you can spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with?
You assumed you had done something wrong when you saw your furniture gone, but didn’t ask your mum. It seems there is a pattern of punishing you for some slight.” FloppyEaredDog
15. AITJ For Wanting My Dad And His Family To Stop Meddling With My Son's Name?
“My wife Briony (29f) and I (30m) had our little boy last week. He’s our first child. When Bri was pregnant we had talked about names and she knew I would love to name our child (we did not know the gender) after my mom who died when I was 8 years old.
My mom’s name works as a gender-neutral name and we both loved a nickname for it so we decided to go ahead with that as his first name. We did not announce the name until he was born, though we told my maternal grandparents beforehand.
My dad and I are not all that close. We’ve had our differences over the years and one of those has come up again. How controlling he is. It was always there but came up after he and his wife Jana had my half-sister. There was a whole argument about me being present for the birth because Jana’s kids were going to be.
How he saw it as a great bonding moment and important for me to witness. There was also stuff like don’t mention mom around Jana or her kids. Don’t speak to my maternal family members if Jana or her kids are in the house. Don’t skip college and go for an apprenticeship, that’s not what our family does.
Don’t move out at 18 if you’re staying in town. He also tried to dictate my and Bri’s wedding.
So fast forward to now. My dad brings the whole family over to meet my son and as soon as they hear the name it becomes clear they are not happy.
My dad and his stepson tell me unless we’d name a future daughter Jana then my son’s name should not be after my mom. Jana tells me how uncomfortable the name makes her. Her daughter (not my half-sister but her daughter from a different relationship) tells me the name takes my son right out of their family and places a wall up.
My half-siblings say it’s weird for him to be named after someone who isn’t part of the family. This is all coming at me and I had to get loud for them to stop. I told them my son’s name is none of their business and if they don’t like it, they do not need to be part of his life.
Cue arguing from everyone and I make them leave. My dad called back the next day alone and told me I was a jerk for saying my son’s name was none of their business and that they didn’t have to be in his life. He said I am doing everything to make them feel like they don’t matter and aren’t family to me.
He demanded I change the name. I told him to get lost and stay away from us.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“To be sure I’m clear on this:
Your father’s second wife, her children from her first marriage, your half-siblings, and your father are telling you in no uncertain terms that the NAMING of your baby after your deceased mother is a deal-breaker for all of them being in your life?
Assuming I’m correct, your last line is perfection.
NTJ, but your father, his second wife, your step-siblings, and half-siblings – all folk who are ‘uncomfortable’ with you honoring your dead mother by naming your child after her, most assuredly are. Go no contact. Stay no contact until they come to their senses.
And name your next baby after your maternal grandmother or grandfather. Or your favorite actor. Ignore your father’s requirements, and his new family’s.” tosser9212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is so bizarre? I’m a stepmom and I would never question any name my kids (stepkids) picked. Of course you love your mom.
Of course you can name your child after her.
Your stepmom has to be really insecure and jealous. But for her kids to join in too? It would never even occur to me to be jealous if I were in her shoes. You can love 1 parent, 2 parents, or even 4 parents.
How narcissistic of her? Who thinks that you’re going to stop loving someone just because she came into your life?
I think your stepmom is a perfect example of the reason why there are so many step-family problems everywhere. Everyone is trying to make other people be what they want them to be instead of loving them for who they are.
I let my stepkids be who they are. I don’t try and force them to behave a certain way. I love them, support them and try to guide them & advise them, but at the end of the day, I realize their life is their choice.
Any mistakes they make are theirs to make. It didn’t happen overnight, but eventually, my kids came to see that I had their best interests at heart and I had their back. I love them and I hope they love me back, if not, that’s okay too.
At least we all get along.
I’m so sorry your stepmom isn’t willing to be that for you and that you guys aren’t close. I’m so sorry they can’t just be happy for you and are trying to change who you are instead of loving and accepting you for who you are.
You are perfectly justified in cutting them off. My (step) daughter just had a baby, and being a grandma to her beautiful boy is the best thing about being a stepmom. It’s her loss to be cut off, not yours. Congratulations dad. I know you’ll do a great job.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This can’t be real! My jaw dropped halfway through reading this story! It’s astonishing that they would make your son’s name an opportunity to power grab! It’s not even an issue of just controlling, but it seems like your Dad and Jana are trying to erase any and all things relating to your mother and her memory/presence in your life.
Something doesn’t sound right to me.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that is it possible that maybe they were having a relationship while your dad was still with your mother before she passed. That’s the only reason I can see for your stepmom and dad being so pressed about anything related to your mother’s name or even just mentioning her.
I have stepchildren and I would never ever ask them to change the name of THEIR child being named after their mother or name their child after me. That’s just crazy and very disturbing. You don’t need toxic people like that in your life.
Love them from a distance.” BabyCakes373
14. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Vacation?
“My (F) work, in addition to the vacation period, offers a week of the year that the person can choose not to work.
But it has some items:
- Two people can’t choose the same week.
- The order of week selection is longest serving to short serving employees.
- Regardless of position.
- Must choose this year for the next.
- You can change it later, but if the week has already been chosen by another co-worker, you have to talk.
- Does not deduct anything from salary or allowances.
- The highest positions in the company (3 people) do not enter.
Obviously, the most desired weeks are pre-Christmas and post-New Year (my company has days off from December 20 to January 4), and post-New Year is always very chaotic, so they need as many employees as possible.
I am currently the longest-serving employee (finally!). For 3 years now, I always choose post-new year.
I already sent it there at the beginning my usual choice.
2 years ago, the company hired Marcos and he is one of the youngest (there are 15 and he is in position 13). He is in a higher position than mine (he does not enter the 6th item).
On Thursday, he came to talk to me, he started to say that his daughter is going to get married in another country on 7/1 and it would be very difficult to have to travel on a Friday and come back on Sunday, in addition to wanting to spend a longer time.
And that he asked for 3/4 days off for the company, but as it is a very chaotic date, they said they would not release it and that if he did, the absent days would be deducted if he did not make up. Well, he asked if I could trade with him or choose another one, or even trade for a few days.
I just said ‘Look, I understand your situation, but the new year is when I go to the beach to spend more time with my family, I always wanted that date and I finally got it. I apologize, but I won’t change, because all other holidays are chosen and I’m not interested in dates other than the new year and don’t want to interrupt them in the middle either.
Sorry, but I’m not going to open something that took me years to get.’
He left angry, but first, he said I could accept it, after all, he gave good alternatives and that I could help a father who wants to take his daughter down the aisle, but I decided to be selfish.
Some co-workers totally agree with me, but others said I could give 1/2 day and it wouldn’t be too much. I even heard that he is saying that this system of weeks is unfair and that it should be for preference of positions in the company.
AITJ?
I don’t know if it was clear, but they didn’t forbid him to do that, but they said they wouldn’t pay as if it were a normal day off (day paid with transportation/food allowance), so for him not to lose it, after he comes back he’ll have to work more to make it up for the lost hours of service.
He wants my days so he doesn’t have to make up for them later.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just because he asked nicely does not mean you are required to say yes. I’m sure there are other people taking that week off who can give it to him if they are so upset about you not giving it up.
You worked hard for it and set plans for your family at that time. He can still take the time, he just has to make sacrifices. A lack of planning on his part does not constitute an emergency on yours. He could have talked to his daughter while she was planning and told her that he is not promised that time off instead of expecting people to just give up their time for him.” StormingSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all! But perhaps not the wisest decision.
He ranks higher than you do in the corporate structure. Giving this now might make him willing to do things to help you in the future. Refusing will create a higher-ranking enemy who might do everything he can to ruin your life.
You could approach management with a compromise. Perhaps you could give him a few days out of your week this time in exchange for some of his days, or perhaps have the days you gave to him added to your week next year.
You could see if management will guarantee you the week after New Year next year, regardless of any policy change they may make.
Or ask them to help you reach a compromise.
Again, you are NTJ! But he appears to be one, and a higher-ranking one at that. You can hold your ground, knowing that he will see you as the bad guy, or you can give a little and earn his gratitude.
Only you can decide which is better for you and your future.” Wewagirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He could still take a vacation he is just greedy that he does not want to be unpaid on those days. His issue on that is not your problem.
Go take your vacation as you want to, you deserve it. I bet if the roles were reversed he wouldn’t have accommodated it. You have requested this before him and already made plans why should you change it? He is a jerk for expecting this of you.” adie_sammy1202
13. AITJ For Not Insisting That My Step-Children Call Me "Mom"?
“I (40F) have been married to ‘Chris’ (42M) for 10 years.
His previous marriage ended very badly and his kids (17M, 15F) have not seen their mom ever since the oldest was 4. When we got married he was 8 and his sister was 6 and they have always been adorable.
We get along very well. When we spend time together, we play and laugh or maybe they want to do something more calm and relaxing.
Still, we do our best to make that activity enjoyable for everyone involved, it has always been like this as it should be. I don’t push my interests on them and rather get to know what they like and try it and do something they actually enjoy like sports, I and ‘Eric’ (the eldest son) love ice skating while I love watching animes with ‘Alice’ (the youngest daughter) as they are a passion for her, we have been watching Hunter x Hunter together lately.
Even though they present me to other people as their mom and them telling me various times they look up to me as a mother figure, I have always understood they might not want to call me mom when we’re having a convo or talking to other relatives and that’s totally fine, it isn’t a problem, as long as we have an amazing relationship I don’t care whatever title they feel like calling me.
However, this is a problem for my in-laws.
His mom told me ‘But how can they not call you mom? You are their mother!’ and I gently explained to her that being a mother figure for someone and calling that someone a mom can be separate things but she still insisted and insisted for days.
She would call, text, and even talk about it in our presence, not leaving us alone for even a second.
The last time we saw her my husband lashed out at her about how she was basically harassing us and when she looked at me in search of protection, I agreed with my husband and told her to please leave the matter, she doesn’t hold any power against what the children prefer to address me as.
My SIL and other relatives later reached out to me telling me I should have protected my MIL to keep being a part of the family. Some of our friends have also said we are jerks for not making our kids call me mom on every occasion and how we should agree with his mother.
AITJ for not insisting that my stepkids call me mom and not agreeing with my MIL?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From one step to another, you’re handling the step-mum/mum title situation absolutely perfectly. Refreshing, when you see so many step scenarios on here, demanding the parental title, regardless of how the kids feel.
This should be an entirely kid-led decision and you understand that. More to the point, you had already made your position very clear to your MIL, and she chose to disregard and push it. She rightly got told to butt out. I reckon, if your MIL was in your place, she’d be insisting on being called mum, and the kids would despise her for it.
Why on earth do your friends think you should insist on this? What possible benefit could it bring? What a stupid position to take and why on earth do they think their opinion on the matter carries any weight?
I will never understand why people think that a step-parent demanding a parental title, when the kids haven’t chosen to bestow it, will ever lead to anything other than alienation, resentment, and misery.” JustASW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re a model stepmom. Loving the children and respecting their choices has helped you all create a solid family unit.
It’s always confusing when people make a big fuss out of something that doesn’t actually affect them.
Maybe MIL thinks that a natural consequence of your great relationship with the kids is that you are called mom and maybe she thinks she’s showing you solidarity by bringing it up again and again.
She may need more of an explanation from you to reassure her that it’s precisely the love and respect you show each other that is the foundation of the relationship and ‘making’ the kids call you mom would not result in what she wants.” SunMoonTruth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been successfully raising two happy kids for 9 years, obviously, you know what you are doing!! Your MIL is trying to control you all according to her standards, NOT according to what is right for your family. I am glad you and hubby are united on this.
Your MIL needs to be explicitly told (verbally and in a text/email so there is a written record) that if she EVER tries to bring this up to you/hubby again, or to the kids, she is permanently banned from your house and the kids will not be visiting hers, and no phone or online conversations either with the kids because she might use those to push her views on the kids.
You two can just hang up/delete it.
Copy this email to your SIL and others that they also ought not to bring it up, same consequences. Your decision is final, they need to shut up.” bkwormtricia
12. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Just Focus On Her Kids?
“My (25f) friend (25f), B, has five kids all to different baby daddies.
I’m not one to usually judge that but her parents are raising them as she still lives at home. She refuses to let the fathers see the kids and she’s never home always out with her friends and at parties leaving the kids with her parents because it’s ‘their responsibility’.
She recently got with her new man and they decided to try for a baby. She called me last week and said that she was pregnant.
I was so happy for her until she started making rude comments toward me. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant with our second baby for 2 years now with no luck.
I usually don’t get upset about other people’s pregnancies because it’s no one’s fault or problem that I can’t get pregnant. But she was making comments like ‘it must suck to be you I get pregnant so easily’.
Today she called me crying saying that she didn’t want this baby because she and her partner were fighting.
Not even an hour later she sent me a picture of her bloated belly and said ‘oh my gosh I look so pregnant already I bet you wish you could get pregnant I love my baby so much’. I snapped and told her that she should worry more about her kids and focus on herself instead of random guys and my infertility.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but verging on ‘everyone sucks here’ because what the heck are you doing even communicating with someone who spouts such toxic, intentionally malicious nonsense? She gets off on the attention and spotlight she gets from pregnancy and wants to try to use it to put you down and lift herself up.
Do NOT play her games and for your own well-being consider this one an easy-to-solve problem: block, ignore, and move on to surround yourself with actual humans who have empathy, and compassion and don’t see babies as trading cards to collect and gloat over.” jmaeww
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you weren’t even harsh, she just sounds like a straight-up awful person and her parents are enabling it. She’s probably jealous of what you have, which is a stable family life, whereas she has six different baby daddies and not one is a suitable spouse, that’s why she feels the need to put you down.” Accurate-Ad-4905
11. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Meddling In My Relationship?
“My friend, Sienna (f32) has had a very toxic marriage with a serial two-timer. It was bad and I supported her throughout and helped her get out.
She’s been single for over a year now.
I (f32) have been with my partner (m34) for 8 years. He, Tom, was diagnosed with ADHD-I in 2019 however, he refuses any type of treatment or therapy. He thinks it’s a gift and I should accept him for who he is and shouldn’t try to change him and he doesn’t care that things also affect me.
His attentiveness is really bad. With time, according to him, I stopped giving him the dopamine boost he needs and while he loves me, I’m not a novelty anymore and he simply can’t be as attentive as he used to be. That’s what he says.
And while I understand it to a degree, I simply cannot accept being completely ignored to the point where I feel invisible.
To give you an example, he quit his job (he now works a part-time job because I really pushed for him to have a job) and spends most of his type gaming, trying to get his twitch going but it’s not happening because he ‘forgets’ to even stream.
I can leave our house for a few hours and when I come back, he’ll be surprised because he hasn’t noticed that I was gone. He won’t ask how my day was, he won’t ask about anything I’m doing. I’ve signed up for adult ballet classes and after I told him, he completely forgot and told me he thought I quit because I stopped mentioning it.
But when I mention things he changes the topic because he’s not interested. He simply doesn’t know me as a person anymore and doesn’t know anything about what I do or what my interests are. And he doesn’t even notice it.
Of course, there are more examples but I want to keep it brief.
I was telling my friend about this and that I’m thinking of breaking up with him because I lost all my confidence and self-worth, that I don’t feel like myself anymore because I feel invisible.
She told me that I shouldn’t complain, that he’s a great partner because he would never two-time me and that I should be glad that I have all the free time without him being on my case. That I shouldn’t complain because others have it worse and I won’t find anyone better and that he loves me.
I asked if she was serious and she said yes and compared to her, I have a perfect relationship. I told her it’s not a competition and just because she had it really bad doesn’t mean that I don’t have a right to complain.
She said that I’m spoiled and don’t know what a bad relationship is and that I’m insensitive because I know what she’s been through.
What’s worse, she told my partner about this and we had a huge fight (he thinks I’m over-sensitive and too demanding) and I called her and told her to get lost and never mess with my relationship again.
She called me a witch and told me to grow up. I feel bad because I know that realistically she had it really bad and I could’ve been more sensitive to her struggles, I don’t know. AITJ here? Should I apologize to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by a long shot. If you break your arm you have the right to complain, even if some people have had their arms amputated. It’s clear that your friend’s idea of normal is off, possibly because she had such a bad relationship herself and she normalized a lot of it.
Her bar for what a good relationship is is so low that you’d have to break out some shovels to be able to limbo under it. Her relationship advice is useless at best.
ADHD can be medicated and if you find the right meds they can do wonders for you.
If he’s never tried he probably doesn’t realize how much it can help. However, the fact that he quit his job and you had to push him to work at least part-time should tell you loud and clear that he expects you to carry him.
This isn’t the ADHD, this is him using you. He doesn’t think you’ll leave him so he doesn’t put in the effort anymore. And maybe he loves the idea of you, but if he doesn’t know you he can’t love you.
Don’t apologize to your friend.
You deserve friends who you can vent to without them tattling and berating you. You deserve a partner who loves you and lifts you up, not ignores you.” Most-Particular-8392
Another User Comments:
“Apologize? No! Your ‘friend’ should apologize to YOU for sharing a private conversation with your partner, and for making your desire for support all about HER.
She is a perfect example of ‘misery loves company.’ NTJ
These two relationships have run their course, and it’s time to move on. You deserve better from your friends and partner. I am sure that your friend and partner both had a purpose in your life, as they each helped you become who you are today.
But your needs and desires have changed as you’ve matured, and it is okay to pursue your dreams. Be grateful for the good times you shared with each of them. Let them go so they too can learn how to offer friendship instead of just taking it.
Neither of them will become better people as long as you stay and enable them.” justmeat23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your partner is not your partner, he’s a roommate. If he wants his ‘dopamine’ as he put it, then he needs to learn you get out of a relationship what you put into it, and he’s not putting anything in.
Your friend is the jerk for telling your partner a private conversation. By the sounds of it though she didn’t like the fact that someone else may have a problem that’s bigger than hers and no longer making her center of attention. Your partner may be loyal but that doesn’t mean it’s a good relationship and the sole reason to stay.
There’s a bigger picture that you tried to explain to your friend which she dismissed, because of her own past experiences.” Subject-Ad-4651
10. AITJ For Throwing My Coworker Under The Bus?
“I’ve been with this firm for almost four years and largely work in my own team since I’m the only Executive Assistant. There are two other assistants whose sole job is to keep the office running and operational. My job is to micromanage the bosses as their EA.
To be honest, the only reason why one of the admins still has her job is because of me. Every year before reviews, our bosses express great concern for her usefulness and productivity. They ask for my insight and I’ve always been honest about her positive traits while purposely avoiding her shortcomings.
I try to be the coworker that I’d like to be so I gave this admin the heads up that I looked out for her and never asked for anything in return. All I ask is do not make more work for me.
Well, this year she’s made a lot of work for me.
It’s more like I’m overwhelmed and she has way too much downtime which she prefers. I get stuff done so she tries to push her work on me. That annoyed me.
It led to some conflicts and her response was to report me for bullying yet still asking me for favors.
I think she thought that I could be bullied into picking up her slack and if I pushed back, then she’d complain that I was mean to her.
I don’t need her to do my job and told her so. She’s there to back me up, not the other way around.
Reviews and next year’s staffing budget is being worked on. Our firm does well but we are starting to feel the recession and the powers that be are looking to trim payroll. They’ve already let go of a few people who either had too much free time and/or were not impressing the bosses and/or no one wanted to work with them.
Those former employees would have slid a year ago.
I have no doubt that when our bosses start to look at their admin team I will be asked about my coworker. For better or worse, I’m going to be honest, that she doesn’t do much and is of no use to me because it’s more work for me to work with her.
Had my coworker been better to me, then I’d say something different and positive.
My coworker is very concerned about reviews because she has nothing to show since she didn’t do much except collect a check. She asked me about it and it dawned on me that if the roles were reversed, then she’d be campaigning to get me fired.
I told her that her work is going to speak for itself and I will not run interference with her review. That means she’s all on her own.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, given that she’s already leaning towards complaining about you bullying her I worry that you’re opening yourself up to problems by being so honest with her.
She can now try to angle it as you trying to get her fired because you don’t like her and you’re a nasty bully, not because she’s useless.
I would recommend that you instead take more of a two-pronged approach:
When she goes ‘I’m worried about my review’ then just go blank and respond with things like “I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to get involved, your work should be between you and (line manager), or ‘That’s for you to discuss with (line manager).’
If she keeps trying to palm work off on you then reply with ‘I’m sorry I don’t have resources to take on extra work right now’. Make sure you’re keeping a to-do list of tasks for yourself so that if she complains about it you can then pull out the list and go ‘These are things I’ve been doing recently, I would need to deprioritize some of them in order to take her work on too’.
If she tries to do it in person rather than email then email her with something like ‘Following on from our conversation this morning, I just want to reiterate that I don’t currently have resources to take on these tasks. But I do understand that you’re struggling so maybe you should speak to (line manager) so they can help you identify what’s a priority and what can be left.’ You need to appear to be supportive but non-committal.
Ultimately you just need to keep pushing her onto people that are actually supposed to be managing her and her work. She’ll either realize she needs to start pulling her weight as she’ll be embarrassed to raise it with management, or they’ll become more aware of how little she’s doing and will start to watch her more closely.
That being said, this is all dependent on bosses being decent and the company being decent too. If they’re not then I’m afraid you’re a bit stuffed.” NannyOggsKnickers
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you’ve been lying to your employer. I can’t tell from your story if you are her actual manager, or if you are just supposed to be managing her work.
Regardless, it seems that some element of keeping an eye on what she does is supposed to be part of your job. By doing her job for her, letting her get away with poor work and little of it, and deliberately avoiding being honest about her shortcomings you have been screwing over your employer, yourself, and the others that you work with.
Telling the truth now is a start. However, if I was your boss, I would be asking some hard questions about why these problems materialized so suddenly and why you never noticed or reported them.” GreenMarbleCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her own lack of work ethic/habits will be what she is judged on.
If she gets fired, that is all on her. Do not put your integrity and good name on the line for someone who wants to throw you under the bus for not doing her work.
If your bosses ask – tell them: ‘No comment. Please judge her as you would everyone else.’
If they ask if her work has slipped, since you defended her in the past, be honest, just as you posted. Don’t necessarily put her down, but certainly don’t defend her.” Electronic-Cat-4478
Another User Comments:
“I think you are in a lose-lose situation reading this not going to lie.
I would be hesitant to say your reaction would be taken as anything other than you are mad. She reported you which is what your boss will see if you complain about her during the yearly review. However not saying anything would encourage her to keep doing what she’s doing by weaponizing HR against you.
If you aren’t careful then both of you will be on the chopping block. Plus not to mention you mentioning you were covering for her originally because she was your friend opens up a justified HR case of favoritism.
I think everyone sucks here because you have willingly allowed an incompetent person to have a job they are underqualified for and are now refusing.
After all, their incompetence is now negatively affecting you.” Polarpunk99
9. AITJ For Refusing To Break Company Policy For A Kid With A Disability?
“I (27f) have worked for a chain restaurant for 4 years. I serve, bartend, and I’m a shift supervisor. For context, this restaurant is known for its endless refills for our dine-in guests. Most of these refills are sides such as fries, salad, chips, etc. Then for the kids, they get refills on mac and cheese.
This restaurant offers takeout, which has skyrocketed since 2020. The bottomless sides and kids’ mac used to apply to takeout orders, and people would order one thing and then an insane amount of refills, especially with the mac and cheese. However, early into 2020, corporate decided to limit refills on sides to one per purchased item.
They also disallowed mac refills altogether for takeout. You can’t order those refills online, and our hosts have been told not to enter them manually. This has upset people, but upper management explicitly told us not to make exceptions.
So last night I was on a supervisor shift and one of my hosts said there was an angry guest on the phone who wanted to speak to a manager after being denied mac refills for his order.
I picked up, and the man said he wanted two refills for his son. I politely told him that our host was correct and that it was against policy. He was very upset and said he wasn’t able to take his son into the restaurant for dine-in because he was disabled. I have no idea what level of disability his son has, but I will say that our restaurant is known for taking really great care of disabled/special needs guests.
But of course, this is his son, and he decides what’s best.
However, this does not change our policy of no refills on mac to go. The man told me that a manager who used to work at our location would always make this exception for him.
I knew this manager for a total of 3 days after transferring locations last month, so he and I never discussed this. I explained to the man that he may have made an exception, but from a company standpoint, I am not supposed to. He kept going off saying ‘you’re really going to say no to a disabled kid?’ Which I admit did make me feel bad.
But I calmly explained that he would have to buy another one if he wanted more. I also told him since it was a Wednesday that with an adult meal, he could get up to 4 kids’ meals for 50% off. This also upset him and he accused me of trying to get him to spend even more of his money, but I was just trying to give him options to give him more for less.
He ended up saying he’d go elsewhere and hanging up on me.
All that said, I technically COULD have done it and probably wouldn’t have gotten in trouble. But I’ve witnessed when one manager makes an exception to the rules how it can affect people down the line (case and point this interaction) and employees getting yelled at by guests for doing as they’ve been told.
So AITJ for not making an exception for this man’s disabled son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No refills on takeout orders are pretty standard because otherwise, you are going to get gluttons who order for additional people or whatever.
It is like not allowing people to doggie bags in unlimited buffets.
At some of the all-you-can-eat sushi places, you are charged a penalty if you don’t eat everything you order and/or you try to not eat the rice from the nigiri.
Restaurants allow unlimited refills when people eat in because they know it is self-limited because very few people can actually eat huge amounts of what is unlimited and the unlimited stuff tends to be relatively inexpensive stuff like fries or breadsticks.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The rules are the rules – set by the people that (theoretically) know a lot more about how to manage a business and menu than the wait staff.
And from an outside perspective, those rules seem pretty sensible – in person, you can quite clearly see that the meal is being eaten by the person that ordered it, to go you have no idea if the five plates of food ordered are being eaten by one very hungry person or an entire family dining for the price of a single meal. One detail for me is the pricing though – if you don’t get refills (and also lack the service and care a restaurant provides in person) then the price should be cheaper than the price sitting in…
Does it suck to potentially miss out because they are housebound? Absolutely, but that is just an unfortunate fact of life, and not one every restaurant can adjust without any proof or consideration.” nrsys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, generally if you make an exception for one person and others hear about it then they would expect you to make exceptions for them and it just becomes a huge mess.
Also, I work somewhere where people do try to say ‘well the person I spoke with before let me’ when I know for sure that is not the case so unless you’re told differently I would take that comment with a grain of salt. Besides that, what one person doesn’t dictate what you should do as… Well… You’re not that person.
It’s honestly just a pain in the butt overall to make exceptions, especially when the person is rude.” Randomusers93
8. WIBTJ If I Tell My Cousin He Is Not Allowed To Use My Home Gym?
“We have a home gym that we set up a year ago and have been using very often. My dad built the gym himself but he did not buy pretty much any of the equipment aside from the pull-up bar.
My partner bought the weight rack, weights, etc. My partner explicitly asked that we don’t let anyone use the equipment because it’s her property and she spent a lot of money on it and she doesn’t want anyone to get injured and sue her. She also doesn’t want her equipment to get ruined. If anyone uses it who is not my dad and me she said she would take it all back home.
Only my dad and I are allowed to use it. I felt this was fair since she is letting us use it for free and she bought it all.
My cousin who lives nearby asked my dad if he could work out there because he has a health issue and his doctor advised him to exercise.
He told him, yes, and I told my dad he had to tell him no but my dad didn’t listen and told him yes the next time he asked again. I put up a sign asking my cousin to see me before using the gym, and I intend to just outright tell him he can’t use the equipment because we don’t own it, and I won’t say this but I also don’t want other people’s germs there and that’s the whole reason we put the home gym up in the first place instead of going to a public one.
I plan to tell him that I’m more than happy to help him plan out home workouts he can do as I’ve been into fitness for a decade now and know he can get in shape without equipment. I can’t personally train him as I’m not certified or insured at the moment, but I can give him a path to follow and learn.
My dad is angry and telling me I’m extremely selfish for planning this and that he doesn’t know why I’m being a jerk, and my cousin and his family may think I’m a jerk too. I’m just concerned about my partner feeling betrayed or getting sued if an injury happens.
Edit: I personally don’t think my partner is in the wrong here because she was letting us use the equipment for free and that’s why she left it here, she just doesn’t want anyone else using it. I saw this as her trying to be kind to my dad and me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, simply because if your Dad wants to use gym equipment and not pay for it you have to put up with the rules the owner makes. If he doesn’t like it he can and should ask your partner to remove the equipment so he can put his own in there.
Whoever actually owns the equipment gets to make the rules in my opinion.
However, I do also see that your Dad did put in work to make a gym room and it’s at his house so from his perspective I can see why he would think he has more rights to it than maybe he has.
But if your partner was clear and he knew said rules then again if he didn’t like it he should have objected so she knew to remove her equipment somewhere it would be safe and respected.” Nienna000
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I understand you and your partner not wanting the entire neighborhood using her gym equipment.
I also understand your dad getting annoyed that so many restrictions are being put on his gym in his house. Gym equipment is expensive; I’m guessing your dad was planning on equipping his gym overtime before she decided to use him as free storage.
Easy solution: her gym equipment gets moved back to her place and your dad starts buying his own.
It’s not reasonable for you and your partner to take over space in someone else’s house and make demands on how that space is used. The way you wrote this, it sounds like she bought the equipment after the gym was built.
You’re both taking advantage of your dad’s house. You don’t mention your age, but if you’re an adult living in your parents’ house you’ve put yourself in a tough situation: you’re not a kid and have more freedom, but you don’t have the right to live freely in your parents’ home.
You and your partner should discuss future plans for you both and her weights.” zippygremlin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your stuff, and it’s not your dad’s stuff, so how does he logic it out that the one respecting the (very reasonable) rules of the actual owner is the selfish jerk?
I agree with others that you need to tell your partner if this continues. In fact, I’d lay that out to dad. ‘I know you’re trying to be kind to cousin but you’re doing it with equipment that isn’t yours and that you’ve been specifically asked not to do so with.
If you do it again you’re leaving me with no choice except to tell her so that she can make an informed decision about what to do with her equipment to protect it and, legally speaking, herself.’
Legally speaking, by the way, your dad might also want to look into what his homeowner’s policy says about people injured on his property – that could be a thing that could come back to bite him in the butt, too.
Regarding your cousin, at this point, it sounds like he asked in good faith and was using the equipment in good faith. All you can do is approach him in the same spirit. ‘I have to apologize for my dad, he’s told you it’s okay to use the gym equipment at our place but the problem is it doesn’t belong to us and the owner has specifically told us we’re not to let other people use it.
I definitely want to help you out though, and while I’m not a trainer, I’ve been into fitness for a long time now. There are lots of exercise options that don’t require weights and utilize your own body weight instead. If you’re interested, I’d love to help you map out a few routines that work for you.’
If he & his family respond poorly, well, that’s on them for not being able to deal with reality as it stands, and once again you’re back to needing to let your partner know as soon as possible so she can deal with it however she feels best.” ISTFMM
7. AITJ For Enjoying My Birthday Despite My Partner's Mental State?
“My partner suggested we have a joint birthday party – my birthday is September and hers is October. The date we chose to have the joint party was her actual birthday as it made the most sense for us to do it on that date.
She’s been going through a lot for the past 6 months and has ended up depressed.
We both invited our respective friends. Many of mine said they could come, but in the lead-up to the party, my partner only had 1 friend coming. She was crying constantly about the fact that I had 20 friends coming, and only 1 of her friends was coming to celebrate her birthday.
I have healthy boundaries and didn’t let her upset bring me down since it was my birthday too. She got upset again when I told her I invited more people from work and now had 25 people coming. I felt like she didn’t care that it was my birthday party too, and wanted me to join her in her sadness that no one was coming for her.
The day before, she was crying and wanted to cancel her side of the party and just go for a drink with her 1 friend that was coming. She did end up coming to the birthday party with her friend after spending her entire birthday crying and depressed about her situation.
I took her to a cafe and she literally just sat opposite me crying. I feel bad now but I’d completely had enough so I just sat opposite her on my phone. I understand if you’re having a bad time then you might be sad, but at the same time, it doesn’t help to wallow like this.
She is angry with me because she planned a surprise birthday party years ago, and she says I never make the same effort for her birthday. She has been through a bad time recently as her family was mistreating her and she has recently cut them off, but it’s gotten to the point that she just seems like she will never feel better.
I’ve tried to support her as best as I can, but I don’t want to ruin my own birthday because she’s upset about something that we both have no control over.
We have argued since. She did enjoy the birthday party and it was lovely to see her smiling with her friend and having a good time.
She thinks I was rubbing her lack of friends in her face when I was telling her I was excited about the birthday party and thinks I should have suppressed my own excitement because she was hurting and feeling rejected. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think your partner needs therapy and you need to be patient if she isn’t getting better right away.
She suggested the joint birthday, which honestly doesn’t seem like it was the best idea. Maybe choose a day to make her feel special and surprise her, and celebrate her birthday just you and her.
Depression as a result of past trauma is tricky, the fact only one person attended for her probably brought back the pain of not having her family around even if they are trashy, and while you’re right it’s up to her to pull herself out of it, knowing that she matters to you will make a difference.” Accurate-Ad-4905
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, look it’s great that you wanted to have a joint birthday but really what did you do for her? You’re brushing off all of her statements like you never do anything for her birthday, (which really held true throughout this story) you completely ignored her when you took her out to a cafe while she was upset instead of actually being there for her, you changed the date of the birthday party instead of trying to do something to help her enjoy it.
She just had to cut off family right before her birthday and all you care about is the fact that she was miserable and it wasn’t fun for you. You didn’t mention any way you tried to comfort her, you didn’t mention any way you tried to make her feel seen and heard other than taking her to a cafe (while she’s bawling) and ignoring her.
Like seriously disappointing to have a partner so me me me when she literally had to cut off her family and only has one friend, she doesn’t even have a supportive partner.” BigBoiBriggs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It isn’t your fault that you invited your friends, to your OWN party.
I would understand if it was JUST her party and you invited all your friends and ignored her… but you didn’t.
It isn’t your fault she doesn’t have that many friends or chose not to invite them.
Your partner (in the kindest way possible) needs to see a therapist. She may not be doing it on purpose, but she’s making you feel guilty for something out of your control.
She also seems to be jumping to conclusions about your intentions.
You both need clear communication about these things. Be kind, and understanding to her. But don’t just let these things happen over, and over again.
You set your boundaries which was a good move, and if she can’t respect them, then it’s not your problem to fix.” arsonists_Iullabye
6. AITJ For Wanting To Remove My Brother From My Parents' Will?
“I (50f) have one sibling (older brother). We are not close because of years of mistreatment, lies, and theft growing up which then carried on into young adulthood until I had the power and independence to cut him out of my life and cut off his access to my belongings.
He barely talks to my parents, and that’s only when he wants something.
From my early 20s, I’ve felt like an only child. My brother disappeared to another state for over 10 years and called a couple of times to say he had a child or two (we then started good relationships with the baby mommas because my brother bailed and never saw the kids).
And only reappeared when he was broke and homeless.
After that, he lived with my parents for a year (it was miserable), moved out to his own place in the next town, met someone, and got married.
In all this time he has never offered my parents his time or even a coffee.
He has never invited them to dinner, or holidays, or helped with chores or hospital appointments. It’s all been on me. Every request for help from him has been shut down, but he has no problem asking for help for himself or his wife.
My mom is a difficult person but my brother treats her so disrespectfully, still blaming her for why he had a bad childhood and all the bad choices he made in his adulthood. My feelings on this are yes, she could’ve been a better mom, but at what point in your life do you take responsibility for your own life choices and make yourself accountable for your own actions?
20? 30? 40? 50? He never has. His victim mentality is outstanding.
So now my folks are in their late 70s and relying on me more and more. I’m of two minds. 1) I love them and want them to always know they can rely on me. 2) I resent that I’m doing everything for them.
My parents updated their will a few years ago when I had my youngest child. I’m the exec of the will so I know the contents. The majority of the estate is split between me and my brother with token amounts for the 4 grandkids.
The other day I was at my parents and we were organizing prepaid funeral policies (creepy but practical… I know) and I commented that I didn’t know why my brother was getting left so much in the will because even the next-door neighbor is a better son than my brother is.
(Lovely man, mows their lawns when he does his).
I suggested that my brother gets a token amount/taken out, so do I, and the majority gets split between the grandkids.
My dad (who is always the peacemaker) bluntly said ‘that’s not how it works.
You don’t get to choose family.’ My mom spoke to me later that she understood but even though she doesn’t like my brother, this is what dad wants. She hinted that given the choice, she would do things differently.
AITJ for speaking out?
It’s not my money. They are right, I don’t get a vote, but why should he get the same large amount as me or more than the loving and helpful grandkids just for doing nothing?
Edit: I never asked my parents to change their will in my favor.
I expressed my frustration that he’s in their will even after his history and current actions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking and suggesting. And I do understand the frustration. If your dad passes before your mom, she can then update her own Will.
They each have their own Will, no way can they both have the same Will/Estate Plan. What your dad said about the Will made it sound as if one parent passes, nothing goes to the surviving spouse and only to the children/grandchildren, which makes no sense.
So if your dad passes first, your mom will be able to distribute her assets the way she wants as long as it is legal in your area.” NCKALA
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Your feelings are valid, and if you cannot share them with your own parents, who should you share them with?
On the other hand, your parents are legally entitled to their own money, and I understand they may not want to leave their troubled child penniless, especially if some mistakes of theirs may have contributed to his poor life choices.
Regardless, you may want to set some boundaries and get more time for yourself, especially since you have a family of your own.” Angel_in_Training_2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset, but I think you should actually have a larger conversation with your parents about restructuring your role in their life. Because it sounds like you are getting bitter because you are putting their wants before yours and spending way too much time doing things for them.
You should stop doing that immediately, but you should also talk with them about hiring an external executor if there are those available in your area. If they want to include your brother as a beneficiary and you don’t want to deal with him, then they need to figure out someone else to be the executor.
What they’re just saying is that because they want to give him money you would then have to deal with him for the rest of your life. If you don’t want to be signed up for that then you need to say so.” JCBashBash
5. AITJ For Blaming My Partner For Making Me Late?
“My family and I got into a road accident a few weeks ago.
Everyone is fine, but I broke my leg in two places.
The doctor gave me the ok to go back to school. I’m (17F) in a bunch of AP classes and have a lot of books I have to carry with me. It’s hard going between my locker to class because it’s hard to manage a heavy backpack with crutches and a bulky cast.
Last Tuesday, one of my classes ran late. I was with my partner Josh, who shares both classes with me. Josh is a heavy guy who prides himself on being unathletic because why need sports when you have video games?
We’re running to the next class.
I can’t keep up because crutches and a heavy backpack make it freaking hard. I asked Josh if he could help me carry some of my books. He said he can’t because he can’t carry my books plus his. I end up late to class by ten minutes when Josh was on time.
Ms. Sanchez, my teacher, is chastising me for being late. And I snapped, ‘well if Josh wasn’t so out of shape and would help me, I wouldn’t be late!’
I got detention for talking back to the teacher. And my friends and classmates think that I’m a jerk for fat-shaming Josh.
Josh says I’m unfair to him because I know he’s out of shape, and can’t help me. I’m just sick of being let down by him all the time! AITJ? Or should I try to be more understanding?
Edit: we don’t have any turtle patrol, so my teachers haven’t been all that accommodating.
My mom was mad about the detention and has been hammering the principal and superintendent’s ears. Until then, I’m learning remotely. She thinks the detention is nonsense.
As for my ex, I dumped him a few hours ago. Then he blew up my phone to call me a witch.
Turns out word got around to his parents. His parents are hardcore conservatives who think that guys have to help a lady no matter what. His dad confiscated his Xbox until further notice.
I blocked his number. Good riddance.
I’m just going to focus the rest of senior year on getting use of my leg back and getting out of here.
Josh sucks and I can’t believe I went out with that loser.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for trying to throw your partner under the bus by fat shaming him instead of calmly, rationally explaining to your teacher that the previous class ran over (which they can confirm with the teacher of that class) & clearly you can’t move at a rapid pace with crutches.
How exactly is any of what happened to you, from the car crash to the broken leg to the class running late, your partner’s fault? It’s not.
At least Josh now understands exactly where he fits in your view of the world; he won’t be under any further illusions that you actually like him, care about him, or have any respect for what he prefers to do with his spare time.” Far_Anteater_256
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You shouldn’t have thrown Josh under the bus.
Your teacher’s a jerk and shouldn’t have blamed you since it’s not your fault if you’re late, the previous teacher let you go late, you’re handicapped right now, and no one helped you.
Josh clearly isn’t partner material. He could have helped, would it have been pleasant? Probably not, but you can’t be out of shape at 17 years old without a serious health issue to the point you can’t carry some books. Plus he left without you.” Gameraben
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It sounds like you never even liked him. You constantly bring up his weight and degrade his hobbies (sarcastically saying ‘why need sports when you have video games?’).
Your teacher made you late, not your partner. If you had an issue, maybe you should’ve said another teacher made you stay back instead of whining about how your partner isn’t doing everything for you.
Thank you for reminding me how horribly entitled high schoolers can be. Glad you guys broke up, he definitely deserves better than you. You will forever be known as the bully who called a kid fat and lazy in front of the entire class. That’s who you are now.” Automatic-Lie-9237
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Yeah, you were out of line talking about Josh being out of shape.
Josh is out of line for not carrying your books. His claim that he can’t carry his stuff plus yours is nonsense. Fat people can still carry stuff.
Yeah – it would have been heavy and might have slowed him down. He might have had to stop halfway. But you’re slow on crutches, so he’d be able to keep up with you.
And Josh is also a jerk for going ahead of you and getting to class on time, rather than helping you through the halls.
And your teacher is a jerk for yelling at you about being late when it’s quite obvious why you would be slow getting to class.” _mmiggs_
Oh, and you didn't "fat shame" him; HE was the one saying he wasn't in shape. You just agreed.
Good for your mom to keep you out of jerk teacher's clutches. Stay home until the cast comes off, and steer clear of Josh. He doesn't deserve you.
4. AITJ For Not Giving My Aunt's Info To My Siblings?
“So, my (20f) mom (38f) had me young and her parents were furious and kicked her out. My Aunt Rita (38f) was my mom’s best friend and when she and her parents found out what my mom’s parents did they welcomed her in with open arms. Part of the reason why my mom’s parents were so angry was that she hooked up with a guy she barely knew and who gave her a fake name so she didn’t know where to find him or how to get in contact.
My mom told me for years that without Aunt Rita and her family, she never would’ve made it and would always love her for it. Eventually, my mom met my stepdad and she gave birth to my siblings, ‘Justin’ (15m) and ‘Carla’ (15f), and everything seemed good.
My Aunt Rita even met and married her husband ‘John’ (40m) who I thought was great. However, things finally took a turn for the worse.
I’m unsure about all the details because I was around 12 at the time but I woke up to my parents yelling and then my stepdad leaving the home.
I remember my mom crying and begging Aunt Rita to talk to her and apologizing and I never understood why. I just remember my stepdad leaving and never seeing my Aunt Rita again.
Once I got older I finally learned that John was my bio dad and that he may be Justin and Carla’s dad too.
Aunt Rita struggled to have kids of her own for years so this was especially hurtful. Did I also mention that during that same year, Aunt Rita’s parents died in a car accident?
To this day I resent my mom over this and ironically her parents are the only reason why I still talk to her.
Eventually, I found Aunt Rita on social media and sent her a DM. I was so happy that she responded and the first thing I did was give a lengthy apology and Aunt Rita assured me that there was nothing for me to apologize for and that she was sorry for not keeping in contact.
We’ve been slowly reconnecting and Aunt Rita has remarried and had two kids of her own and I’m very happy for her. She and I have been talking in secret as Aunt Rita still doesn’t wish to see my mom and wants to wait until Justin and Carla are adults before reaching out to them, which I was cool with.
I secretly planned a meet-up with Rita and I guess Carla overheard because as soon as I left, she went through my things, told my mom and Justin, and they all confronted me when I came back.
Justin and Carla are angry because they miss Aunt Rita too and hate that I saw her without them.
I apologized and explained the situation but Justin and Carla didn’t care and are demanding that I give them all the information that I have so that they can reach out to Aunt Rita on their own. Aunt Rita was very clear about her boundary and I’m trying to protect that but everyone is angry with me so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s a sad situation for your siblings, but your Aunt Rita has made her wishes clear. You need to respect the promise you made… Meanwhile, you’re caught in the difficult middle of being honorable.
But the secret is out.
What you can do… tell your siblings to write actual letters to her.
You will deliver (or mail them) to Rita. Then it’s up to her to respond. She can use you as a go-between.
But this is difficult with your siblings being minors. No way can your mom get involved. But going behind her back w underage siblings is risky.
YOU are NTJ for keeping her contact info a secret. Just make certain that your siblings cannot access anything of yours that could lead them to her. But be warned, a Google search can find most people these days, especially if they know her age & places she has resided.” Bring-out-le-mort
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. Dig your heels into the ground, tell them that giving someone else’s number would be a breach of trust equal to eavesdropping on a private conversation (Carla!) and that you have integrity and respect for your relationship with Rita (Mom!).
Definitely reach out to Rita though to give her fair warning. Be aware of the possibility that this may make Rita withdraw even more and cut contact with you, not because you did anything wrong, but because the people in your orbit can’t be trusted.” Equal_Eggplant_4187
Another User Comments:
“You’re 20. You’re an adult. Carla should never have had the opportunity to know that you were in touch with your Aunt, but somehow you didn’t ensure that – so now you have to manage the fallout. Be more careful and put your siblings on an information starvation diet on this subject.
Just don’t engage in any conversation around it.
One question though – you were able to find your aunt’s contacts on social media. Is there any reason why your siblings can’t do the same?
NTJ.” ccl-now
3. AITJ For Telling My Ex's Family Where He Is?
“My ex and I were together since we were 15 until he just disappeared one day without any explanation. His family has spent thousands trying to track him down without any luck and there’s been radio silence from him for 2 years.
He finally broke his silence and called me a month ago.
I was really really really angry at him but he kept telling me he missed me and wanted to see me so I agreed to meet up with him.
His family has always been like a second family to me so I’ve stayed in contact with them and the closer it got to the day I was supposed to see him, the more guilty I felt for not telling them.
So, I did.
His dad and grandfather ended up going with me to see him and my ex was really upset with me for not coming alone. We talked and then they talked to him privately and now he’s back but he’s still upset with me even though he seemed to have resolved whatever issue he had with his family that made him leave.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is absolutely unfair to ever force someone into a situation where they have to carry a heavy secret for you without their consent. If you force someone to know a secret—a very serious one no less—without their consent they are under absolutely no obligation to keep that secret.
Especially when withholding information on a missing person is illegal in many places (no, not all. Don’t come for me). Not only is this forcing someone to do something against their will that they probably are morally against, but you’re forcing them to choose between withholding information from law enforcement (which could be a crime) or coming clean with the information.
You can’t just force people to keep your secrets. If he didn’t want to risk his secret coming out then he shouldn’t have forced you to know it. That’s his own problem. People aren’t under an obligation to keep secrets you force onto them.
Don’t reach out if you want to keep your location anonymous so badly. If you force someone into a situation, they’re not a jerk for not catering to what you want them to do.” RepulsiveThing3618
Another User Comments:
“Based on the available info, yes YTJ.
We here don’t know why he disappeared. Do you, even? You might say you do and it’s not a bad thing, or you might even say/think he did it for no reason, but unless he tells you, you will never know for certain. I’m thinking someone could have mistreated him, yes even one of these good people you’re close to, anything could have happened that you have no idea about.
Now, he may be the jerk asking you to keep his secret. But I’m assuming you agreed to keep it or that this was implicit by agreeing to meet? You could have said no, you could have told him no before it even got to him revealing his location or making arrangements.
You had a choice in that.
You took his choice from him; you tricked him, took those exact people he wanted away from for whatever reason right to him. He could have been going to tell you exactly why he didn’t want that, and now you’ll never know.
Separate your own anger and feelings of betrayal over his disappearing and how that impacted you, how that was for him, and what you’ve now done to him. People don’t disappear or cut ties lightly, or on a whim, and you’ve disrespected his right to privacy and maybe, depending on what the trigger was for that in the first place, compromised his comfort at best and safety at worst.
YTJ all day long.” Solifuga
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He didn’t tell/ask you to keep it a secret AND he knew you are very close with his family. It’s quite possible he set you up to break the news so he would not need to.
Someone who vanishes for 2 years without a word to anyone is probably someone who would not want to announce an arrival. You don’t know what’s in his head. In fact, the early-mid 20s is an average point for schizophrenia to manifest. There’s something off about this whole situation.
Honestly, I think his dad & grandfather going along with you FOR YOUR SAFETY was the best option. You really don’t know if you can trust someone who vanished for 2 years. He’s a stranger. If he’s upset because you told & was accompanied to this meet, even though he has been ‘unfound’ for two years, he’s really focused on the wrong issue.
You have no grounds to trust him for anything.” Bring-out-le-mort
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it wasn’t your place to do that. Maybe he wanted to start a new life breaking free from toxic ties and now you’ll never know. And you took that away from him.
2 years is a long time… this isn’t about you, it’s not your family, and it wasn’t your place. He doesn’t even owe you an explanation but he was ready to give you one. If I was him I would have left for another 2+ years.
You made this about you. Yes, you have a right to be mad about YOUR part of the relationship with him, but if you were then don’t agree to meet up with him. Then don’t talk to HIS family. Then move on with YOUR life.” Lilmisfit37
2. AITJ For Calling My Grandparents Out For Not Attending My Wedding In My Speech?
“My parents eloped because my mom was a teenage mom and her parents were not chill about it so, to stand in solidarity, my dad agreed and told my grandparents that they weren’t going to have a wedding and only have two witnesses.
Jump 30 years and now I am getting married. My entire life I was told this story from every angle so I felt that with bringing both sets of grandparents together would finally close this off and put a nice ribbon on the situation. My grandparents say they are coming and everything seems great.
Jump to about a month before the wedding and my grandparents tell my dad (not me) that they would not be coming and instead going to Scotland for vacation. The only explanation they gave was that this may be their last chance to go (Note this is not the first time they have gone to Scotland).
So when it came to giving my wedding speech, I gave the obvious thank yous and whatnot and then said ‘We thank those for coming, and for those who couldn’t, thank you for at least staying in the country.’
My Uncle, their other Son, let them know that this was said and now they are giving me the cold shoulder and my Uncle thinks I should apologize.
My family and my wife have agreed with me that it was a tame thing to say and I could have been a lot worse. What do you guys think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Family doesn’t get a pass from accountability just because they’re b***d.
They did you dirty, you made a joke. Pretty tame response to being disrespected like that. And you did get disrespected, don’t let anyone tell you differently. You were disrespected the second they chose pettiness over you, and didn’t even have the guts to say it to you.
Your Mom, their child, agrees with what you did, and that should tell you something. The way they treated your Mom should tell you something. You don’t owe them anything.” krasche
Another User Comments:
“You’re right, it’s pretty tame, but on balance, I’m going with YTJ.
Your invite to your wedding isn’t a summons, they don’t have to go if they don’t want to. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, you don’t know about their health, or anxieties, or whatever.
I’m not sure if it’s bad enough to warrant an apology, but your grandparents did nothing wrong by not going to your wedding, and having a dig at them about it is actually kind of out of order.
‘(Note this is not the first time they have gone to Scotland).’
I don’t know why you think this matters, they feel it might be the ‘last’ time not the first, lots of people want to go places one more time before they become too infirm or before they pass away.
I reject this as an attempt to somehow diminish why they want to go to Scotland, like they have to justify it to you, like if it was the first time, well, that changes everything, maybe you’ll let them go?
Nope. Jerk.” Click_To_Sign_In
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your grandparents suck but that could be seen by any normal person. They remind me of parents who treat their children like crap but when grandkids come on the scene, they go high and low to regain contact.
You, however, suck because of your speech.
I understand you’re hurt how they played you like that but was it worth it? I wouldn’t bother mentioning them during the day that is supposed to be the happiest in my life.
Move on but don’t apologize.” Kaiser93
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but it’s not your grandparents who’ve been wronged.
YTJ for making it about them and about your hurt feelings when it’s not the time & place for that. Your wife, even if she understands your feelings, could’ve probably done without the passive aggression, hostility, and sarcasm during what is supposed to be a celebratory, joyous, memorable occasion.
Also, using a thank you to the people who did come as a set-up to take a swipe at the ones who didn’t? Not cool.
Yeah, you could’ve said something worse, but why on earth would you? Talk about it in therapy, not during your wedding speech!” EmilyAnne1170
1. AITJ For Running Away After My Father Yelled At Me During A Wedding?
“My father was remarried 11 years ago to a loving wife. We were all happy until my step-sister was born and everything became a mess. I (17F) and my dad don’t have the best relationship anymore. He always ignores my needs, yells at me for the smallest mistake, and focuses on my step-sister more.
Anyways let’s start. It was my Aunt’s 3rd wedding. Everything was planned perfectly for her wedding. I was watching over my step-sister in case she does anything while my parents were talking to other guests. Some hours pass and my sister starts getting bored. I wasn’t focusing on her at that time as I was talking with my cousins plus my mother told me she was watching over her.
An hour passes and I hear a loud scream.
When I went to check, I saw my aunt’s dress being ripped and my sister holding on to the ripped cloth. I gasped. The wedding was canceled and when my parents came to the scene, they started yelling at me in front of all the remaining guests.
Calling me useless, a mistake, etc. I lost it and ran away from the wedding. Now I’m staying at my friend’s house and my parents are calling me all the time to come home so I can apologize to my aunt for ruining her wedding.
I don’t really get why I should be yelled at when I’m not my sister’s babysitter and it’s my stepmother’s job to look after her but I guess I could be wrong… please tell me what I should do and if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ.
Read that and remember it.
Your parents are literally practicing parentification with you. This is when your deadbeat parents are using a form of mistreatment that practically forces you to be the parent for your siblings. They’ll make you take care of them and will hold you accountable for anything your sibling does wrong.
They are responsible for the child. After all, your stepmom gave birth to her, and she is literally their child, but they don’t want to take care of their children. They want to have fun while they make you carry what they see as a burden.
You need to move out as soon as you turn 18.
You are being mistreated, and it is not – and will never be – your fault.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ. They and particularly your father (doesn’t sound worthy of the title ‘dad’) are vile.
Your sister is their responsibility, not yours. You had even checked someone (not sure on the wording if it was your bio Mum or step Mum) was watching her.
You don’t owe anyone an apology, the only way you could word this to your aunt is I’m sorry I’m saddled with parents who won’t look after their own child and are saddling me with the blame for you canceling your wedding.
Must be deflecting attention from their failures and their child’s behavior.
Not really understanding why the wedding was canceled over a ripped dress. It seems really dramatic.
The only thing I think of from the step mum’s side – is she bullied by your Dad too?
Could she be scared to admit she was meant to be watching her daughter?
Also depending on the age of your sister and how the dress was ripped, someone needs to address why it happened (assuming it wasn’t an accident).” Ejclincoln
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (sorta) – although it isn’t necessarily your job, it sounds like your parents were under the impression that you were watching your sis. Prob would have been the right thing to do to walk sis over to your parents and hand her off… saying you are going to hang with your cousins and won’t be watching sis anymore.
Your parents aren’t taking responsibility for their daughter. They are putting the blame on you when ultimately, they are the parents. I’m sure they are embarrassed about the situation and are finding it easier to save face by making little sister’s actions your fault.
It’s hard when living in a toxic home environment. You are able to move out in a year (turning 18). My advice would be to use this year to begin saving to move out and remove yourself from the negativity you are currently ‘stuck’ in.
My opinion is that the only thing you could have done differently in this situation would be to personally hand the little girl directly to your parents and make it clear you aren’t watching her anymore. That would have covered your bases (even though you weren’t actually committed to watching her in the 1st place).” 4fxsakes
