People Want To Clarify Where They Stand In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Give More Support To His Daughter?
“My (45F) partner’s (54M) first grandbaby turned a year old two days ago and his daughter (24F) is having another baby June 6. His daughter is not married and works in food service and the father drives a school bus and has two kids from a former relationship.
This makes four kids for her bf (30M). Her baby’s dad is always behind in his child support for his other two.
Right now my partner sends his daughter a big portion of his paycheck, which is why they live in a very nice suburban home and have utilities.
The thing is, this girl is a brat. I was in his truck when he was on the phone with her (he was driving so she was on speakerphone). He told her he had ordered several gifts from her gift register, she said ‘But I need them all!’ He told her what he had gotten for her, which included a crib, stroller, gliding rocking chair, bassinet, cashmere baby blanket, and more.
He spent over $4,000.
She never thanked him and said she expected him to double what he is currently sending her now. I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t heard her. I told my bf that he shouldn’t increase what he’s giving her now.
She expects the monthly allowance because her partner (baby’s dad) can’t even afford the child support payments that he is legally bound to pay. My partner is not happy about the situation either but feels like he has to, and my partner is working two jobs.
I told him that she needs a reality check instead of a bank check and that he should send her details of the government support programs available. He hates the thought of her struggling but I hate the thought that she feels that he is supposed to reward her for having kids she can’t take care of because her partner is paying child support for two kids from a prior relationship.
I told him this guy should be paying child support for four when this child is born. His daughter and babies’ dad live together.
I know he feels obligated to help her, but she used no birth control and told my partner that ‘You KNOW that I always wanted a big family!’ and she is trying to put the financial burden on him.
(My partner, her dad.) I don’t think he should increase it, however, my partner and I aren’t married yet and I might be overstepping boundaries here. I have no children myself but I imagine the guilt trip she is putting him through must be terrible, but God, after hearing that call I am angry.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is subsidizing her family when he should not. She refuses to use birth control and should suffer the consequences. If she can’t care for her kids, then report her to CPS. You need to decide though if this is the life you want, your SO working two jobs to support an irresponsible adult instead of working towards funding his own retirement.
He is not helping her by supporting her. He won’t be here forever. She needs to sink or swim on her own.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“I have to go with ‘everyone sucks here’ (except the kids).
The daughter for having babies she can’t afford with a baby daddy who can’t/won’t support the babies.
And for insisting that her own father give give give while not even saying thank you.
Your partner for raising and enabling an entitled brat of a daughter.
The daughter’s partner for not supporting his own kids.
Oh, and the one-year-old might be the jerk for being unemployed. She should be pulling her own weight!
And finally, a mild YTJ for sticking your nose in your partner’s personal financial affairs. I have to admit, I probably would too, if I were in your shoes, but he’s your partner, not your husband, and presumably you two haven’t combined finances, so it’s his moolah to do with as he likes, even if what he likes is to enable his entitled, fecund daughter.
This is who he is, and his daughter is who she is. You aren’t likely to accomplish any good outcome by insisting that he not help his daughter. You need to accept him as he is or break up with him.
Them’s your choices.” BogBabe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nobody NEEDS a cashmere baby blanket. And just because she wants a big family doesn’t mean someone else should have to finance those dreams. I would love to have just one child but can’t afford it, and I’m not calling up my relatives to yell at them to pay for IVF.
This is her responsibility (and the children’s father, obviously). But it sounds like she purposely had children she knew she couldn’t support.” zingingcutie35
23. AITJ For Arguing With My Partner About Losing Weight?
“My partner (28M) and I (27F) have been together for 5 years and never really argue about much of anything as we have a pretty idyllic homelife (own home, 2 dogs, no kids, double income).
Also for reference, he has never had an issue with weight and eats 5k-8k calories a day and can’t put weight on even though he wants to. Unfortunately, as I have worked for the health dept since well before 2020, I was on the front line for all the craziness and was required to work insane hours 7 days/week for over a year and a half.
With the long stressful hours, not being able to cook my own meals, and the constant supply of pizza/chocolate/fast food delivered by well-wishers, I have gained 70lbs since 2020. This caused a great deal of stress in my relationship as my partner was not shy about stating how he didn’t like the way my stomach or chin looked and would frequently yank on my belly flab, all making me feel like garbage.
A few months ago, after I had enough of the remarks, I started dieting and I have already made 30 lbs of progress! I have never had so much success staying on track before, and I figured my partner would be thrilled as I am almost halfway back to ‘normal’.
Unfortunately, though, this was not the case, when I told him how much I have lost, he made remarks on how he’d rather the weight come off my midsection rather than my butt and thighs (it’s been coming off everywhere).
He also has made several mentions about how my chest is getting smaller (even when I was skinny I was a G cup so I’m not concerned).
This all blew up when he told me my dieting strategy was not working as I was losing fat in all the wrong places and suggested I try something else.
I blew up and threw a hangry fit, accusing him of not knowing what he was talking about and that he shouldn’t have a say anyway. We’re both now giving each other the silent treatment several days later and I feel terrible.
He’s my best friend and I would like to reconcile ASAP but I am also not ready to let what he said to go without an apology. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is though because he consistently treats you like garbage.
You deserve SO much better than someone who tells you on a regular basis that he doesn’t like your body and that you should always be doing something different (most of which is literally physically impossible, btw). This guy doesn’t appreciate you and he will never be happy.
Please dump him before he destroys your self-esteem so much that you start to believe him.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he clearly knows nothing about how fat and weight loss work, and he is clearly a super jerk.
It’s easy to be kind when things are going your way, but now you have seen him when things were not idyllic; you say he’s your best friend, but I don’t even talk to strangers (or people I don’t like) this way, let alone my friends.
If you stay with him, this is who he will be every time things go ‘sideways’ (and even when it is not your fault, he will probably take it out on you).” Himkano
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think he’s trying to keep you feeling insecure.
The way he puts you down isn’t okay. No matter what he thinks you can’t alter any diet or exercise to target fat and keep it in other places. That’s just not how it works.
Your partner is a jerk for the way he treats you and makes you feel.
If he’s acting this way even if you start working on targeting your muscles in certain places he will still find something to make you feel insecure. Would you ever do this to him? If not, why would you allow him to do it to you?” upsettispaghetti97
22. AITJ For Telling My Coworker To Help With The Work?
“I’m 23F, this is my first full-time ‘real’ job after graduating from uni and I work in an all-female office so there’s always drama.
I try to avoid it as much as I can, but next week I have a few things coming up. I take my oath of citizenship and have a dentist’s appointment on back-to-back days. I’m taking unpaid leave for one and a vacation for the other.
My coworkers have a hard time being flexible with my requests and act annoyed every time I ask. Prior to this, I had already asked for coverage for a 2-week vacation in June (which I am entitled to) and spent 2 days arguing with them and had to even reschedule my flights as they told me they were busy on the days I wanted. One of them later admitted that she was actually available and I wasted my 1 free change for nothing.
I got the time for my citizenship oath 2 days ago and it is at a time that is inconvenient for my college and has to ask another coworker out of my department who always is huffy when I ask. When I let her know I might need her help she said ‘it isn’t her responsibility’ even when management told me to speak to her.
Currently, I’m on leave since I am sick and I feel so guilty asking for more when they’re already covering for me due to it.
I have been delaying our conversation regarding the oath as I don’t want to deal with the long excuses and denials.
I’ve been waiting for my oath for 2 years and a half and I cannot miss it. but I am also overthinking the situation.
Note that my job requires me to see 80-100 patients daily and that someone needs to be doing it.
Am I the jerk/being unreasonable?
Edit: I’m not stupid and do know it’s their responsibility to cover. but they’ve made me feel like I am annoying and inconveniencing them so many times that I don’t wanna deal with it anymore.
This being my first office job I don’t know if what I am asking is out of the ordinary or not. Most of my coworkers have less demanding jobs and can usually get out during the day without needing a cover or can request to work from home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You should actively look to find something else ASAP and get out of that location as it sounds toxic. While on your vacation, start looking for a new place of employment.
Good luck and congratulations on the Oath Ceremony.
I also went through the ceremony and I know how much work had to go through to get to this point.” True-Tomatillo-4720
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – stop asking, it’s their job to cover someone who is out. What happens when one of the others is out?
It’s like you are asking for permission, you don’t need to do this. Your time off is your time off. What happens while you are gone is on them and your boss. When I take time off, I just tell folks I won’t be in, I don’t wander around asking folks if they will cover my work.
It’s on my boss to figure it out.” skbloom
21. AITJ For Wanting To Hire A Maid?
“My husband and I both work full-time. He recently got a promotion and he now makes twice what I do.
Since he got the promotion, he has been pressuring me to quit my job and be a full-time housewife.
The reason that my husband is into this idea is because that would make me responsible for all the cooking and cleaning.
Right now we split chores evenly since we both work similar hours, and I like that arrangement. My husband is not a fan, he hates having to do chores around the house.
I admit that I would love to not have to work, but the tradeoff being offered is not appealing to me.
I suggested that my husband should use some of the extra income to hire a maid service, and then neither of us would have to do the chores. He accused me of ‘just wanting to coast off of his moolah without doing anything’ and has been annoyed all morning that I suggested it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Do not quit your job. This is how women end up trapped in unhappy marriages. I’m not saying that your marriage is unhappy, but his comment about you ‘wanting to coast off his moolah’ is ominous.
What happens when he’s the only one bringing in money? He hates doing chores, but is unwilling to pay someone, so he does not see value in this. He sees it as a waste of because he has you, and you can be free labor so he can enjoy his time off to do things he enjoys with ‘his’ moolah.
What will your life look like? How much will he complain when the house doesn’t look as clean as he thinks it should? What will he say when you want to use ‘his’ moolah for something he doesn’t want?
If the idea of being a housewife is unappealing to you, DO NOT DO IT.
He doesn’t see you as an equal. In his eyes, your value is less than his because you don’t make as much money.” slyteach11
Another User Comments:
“‘He accused me of ‘just wanting to coast off of his moolah without doing anything’ and has been annoyed all morning that I suggested it.’
Yuck. What a horrible attitude.
Not only that, if that’s his view, how would he be fine with you being a full-time housewife?
Something tells me there’s more going on that he’s not being forthright about, and may not even be aware of himself.
How does he feel about women working? Have you discussed having children?
Anyway, as an alternative to the above, why not suggest that you split the costs–not 50/50, but as a proportion of your incomes. So he makes 2/3rds of the household income, and he would pay for 2/3rds of the maid services.
Alternatively, my wife and I both split household cleaning duties. I hate cleaning, so I pay for someone to come in every two weeks. I, therefore, had ‘done my part,’ and my wife did whatever she thought still needed doing on the weeks the cleaner didn’t come.
It worked well for us… to the point that my wife now pays for the other two weeks, lol.
NTJ.
Edit to add: if he does just want you home as a symbol of his ability to provide or whatever, and you’re not totally grossed out by that or feel like you wouldn’t go crazy being bored, why not negotiate?
Say you’ll stay at home just fine, but that he has to hire a cleaning service as well. If he’s about status, that shouldn’t be a problem. You’ll still cook all the meals or whatever, but you don’t have to worry about cleaning.
Also, make sure you have access to an acceptable amount of personal spending moolah under the arrangement… don’t want him getting controlling there, either.” aabbccbb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
DO NOT let your husband pressure you into quitting. He will quickly become very controlling.
‘you owe me this, this, and this because I pay for everything around here’.
He is obviously of the garbage opinion that women love doing chores. He can’t even comprehend that you probably don’t enjoy cleaning either, but you do it because you’re not a disgusting human being.
He has two options; hire a cleaning service or do his half of the chores himself. That’s it. You could perhaps offer to chip into the cost of a cleaning service.
And as for ‘coasting off his moolah without doing anything’?!
I’m assuming you do contribute to household bills, but he’s not the only one in the house working full-time, you also are. This means that you’re contributing to the household income, and doing half the chores.
Stick to your guns.
Don’t let him pressure you into becoming a stay-at-home mom.” NarrativeScorpion
Something is out of joint here. There's another issue in play that he's not telling you about. I'd bet next month's mortgage payment on it. Maybe he wants to have "the little woman" at home so he can keep track of her, and spend time with a side chick? Not saying this is the case, but something is rotten here, and he's keeping secrets.
Do NOT quit your job. Do not EVER let any man make you completely financially dependent upon him. That leads to control, and control leads to abuse. Don't go there. You'll be miserable, and trapped.
Good luck!
20. WIBTJ If I Don't Attend My Cousin's First Birthday?
“So my cousin’s kid is turning one. He’s having a birthday party upstate about 2 hours away. I am buying him a gift and planning to send it to my parents who are going. The reason I plan not to go is my birthday is the same weekend and my friends and I organized going to a craft beverage festival. My one friend even pulled a favor and got her sister to give us free tickets.
So I’m planning to go as I already made those plans before I knew about the birthday party. I thought it was no problem, but I’ve heard some comments from family about how it was irresponsible of me to skip out on a family event to ‘go drink.’ Was wondering if it was a jerk move?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
1st birthday parties are fun for parents, maybe grandparents. The birthday boy will have no idea you’re not there! Some people put family gatherings ahead of social events with friends, but I’m not one of them–particularly when family events happen all the time or when they’re not ‘special’ like a wedding or funeral or grandparents’ 50th anniversary.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not even a little bit. I had a one-year-old birthday party for my daughter, and trust me… they are 100% for the adults. The kid won’t remember it, and the kid will already have plenty of adults there to give him or her all the attention they could ever want.
You aren’t skipping a family event to ‘go drink.’ You’re skipping ‘everyone sits around for 5 hours, make small talk, and have someone point out a cute thing the baby is doing the whole time’ in favor of ‘you’re an adult who has already made excellent plans with your friends for your own birthday’.” Dakkendoofer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. An invitation is not a court summons and you can always say no. Plus a first birthday party is entirely for the parents because the one-year-old barely knows what’s happening and won’t notice or care who’s there for it.
Next time someone gives you crap for it, say ‘Oh I know, isn’t it so inconvenient that both me and Nephew are going to have birthdays on the same weekend for the rest of our lives? Maybe when he’s old enough we can have a joint party’.” User
19. AITJ For Not Attending My Coworker's Baby Shower?
“I (35F) work in the office of a smaller business (~45 people, 18 in office) the office is all women except for 2 people, I’m the newest employee there (1.5yrs).
One of the younger girls is pregnant and due shortly.
I can’t have children, I’m the only childless one in the office and I have mentioned my previous miscarriages (6 over 10 years) vaguely and my inability to have kids firmly, usually when people ask if I have kids.
Being childless weighs on me every day, children were something I wanted very badly and can never have (even with a million dollars and unlimited IVF the chances are less than 1% I could carry to term). Normally I’m pretty good with it, it is a reality other people have kids and babies, but after a miscarriage last fall, I just can’t be around pregnant women and newborns without bursting into tears.
And I don’t mean just passing in the hall I mean prolonged things where the focus is all baby: like baby showers.
When they announced the shower 2 weeks ago (an offsite, outside of work hours activity) I tried to talk to the woman organizing it as she was aware of my last miscarriage (she’s office manager, and I was out a week) to let her know I didn’t think I could attend but would contribute generously towards the group gift and send a personal one as well.
She looked at me like I insulted her greatly and gave a very cold ‘if you don’t want to attend, don’t.’ And I guess she went and told everyone else, as there were snide remarks about me and the mother-to-be won’t even look at me now.
AITJ for declining to go? I felt my reasons were valid but now every single female in my workplace won’t speak to me, they will leave the break room if I walk in, stop conversations midsentence to glare at me before walking away.
Are baby showers really that big of a deal? I wanted to avoid a month-long or more depression cycle but somehow I made everything worse. I’d quit my job but things are limited in this area and my husband has a good job so moving isn’t an option either.
Edit: I wanted to clarify that there is no HR at my work right now the office manager/shower organizer is actually acting HR while they transition to a digital service. That’s also why she knew about the miscarriage, she demanded to know why I was off that week for medical leave.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your coworkers sure are and are not worth your mental anguish. Regardless of your reasons, you are not obligated to attend a shower for a coworker. Declining an invite pretty much never makes you a jerk, and you don’t owe anyone (especially coworkers) an explanation.
Sending a gift anyway is very generous.
You are protecting your mental health. My sister had trouble conceiving for a long time and her friends having showers were nothing but understanding and empathetic. You are processing a loss. Any decent human being would not hold that against you.
I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but it sounds like whoever organized the shower is a real piece of trash and is fanning the flames somehow – her reaction was uncalled for, and I wouldn’t be shocked if she’s twisting your words behind your back, because the cold reaction you’re getting doesn’t seem normal at all.
I would maybe consider talking to the mom-to-be directly if you think that’s the case.” AnalysisParalysis907
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not have to attend the shower. I think where you made your mistake was offering any explanation to the organizer.
Next time, wait until the date is announced and then just say you are so sorry, you can’t attend. And do not explain why.
Now, a possible explanation for what is going on is that the organizer told all the women your story and now they think they can’t talk about the shower in front of you.
To nip this all in the bud, you can try either the organizer or the mother or both. To the mother, explain that you’ve had a painful history of miscarriages and infertility and that you just cannot attend any showers for personal reasons.
Then explain to her that you are happy for her, and hope she has a wonderful day and that you’ll look forward to hearing about it.
To the organizer, tell her that all of a sudden people are treating you differently.
Ask her what is going on? Let her know that just because you cannot attend does not mean that people should feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you – you do not want or need that. Then see what happens.
Good luck!” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They seem to have forgotten, that the fact of working in the same place does not in any way obligate any worker to participate in another coworker’s outside-of-work life. Also, despite the popular media images of ‘super wonderful’ the reality is, baby showers are a nightmare from the underworld for some ladies.
If they are having a stick up their backsides about it, that’s their problem, not yours. Do as you said, though, send a nice gift and contribute generously, after all, it wasn’t the lady in question who made things weird, it was the office manager.” Haunting_Sign_177
18. AITJ For Speaking My Mind To My Brother?
“My brother and I have been in the same friend circle since high school.
For the most part, he’s my best friend but he has a temper he’s constantly calling out my character in front of family and friends he’ll say he’s joking but if I react ‘I’m drama’ or he gives a half-apology and I feel like I have to take what I can get.
Nevertheless, I’ve never really confidently and acutely expressed how I feel and I believe he’s genuinely unaware of the extent of my offense to some of the things he’s said to me. Then last night while out with friends the conversation somehow went there and I admit that he hurts my feelings a lot.
He wanted to talk but I didn’t want to do it in front of people.
At that moment I had a choice I could have just let it go but I thought maybe this was a good opportunity to get it off my chest. I asked him to walk me to my car so we could talk in private.
Needless to say, he was completely caught off guard by the things I had to say. I was calm and reasonable but he did not like that I out-of-the-blue tried to unpack years of trauma and to his credit, he couldn’t even accurately remember some of the moments.
If he would have let me finish, I probably would have apologized to him the next day because nobody deserves to be ambushed but about 10 minutes in he called me a witch and left even though I begged him to stay.
Now, this morning I can’t decide if I should reach out or wait for him too. I know it may be hard to pick a side without the incidents but then it just becomes a novel. Basically, if someone hurts you but you don’t speak up, at what point are you the bad guy for throwing it back at their face?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re going about this the wrong way. When he says something that bothers you, call it out then and there to his face. Don’t let it fester or wait until long after he’s forgotten what was even done.
If he says something hurtful in front of your friends, immediately chime in with, ‘Thanks, jerk,’ or ‘That was kind of a jerk move, dissing your own brother like that.’ Bottling it all up inside until it explodes in a giant burst of drama is counterproductive.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but quit looking to your brother for approval or anything else. He has shown you who he is and has no intention of changing. Line up some comebacks to immediately throw out when he says hurtful things.
They do recommend something in counseling, but he won’t get it unless it is explained in advance and that is to say ‘ouch’ immediately when they say something hurtful.
Even if you go childish, you can make a point. Nasty comment.
Possible responses – ‘I know you are but what am I?’ ‘Quit talking about yourself like that.’ ‘Why don’t you tell someone that cares?’ When said over and over it pounds the message into his head that what he is saying is not acceptable, plus it just gets annoying hearing it over and over.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but definitely don’t wait to crush things he says that crush you. The dude should not have called you a witch – not cool bro.
If you don’t stand up for yourself when someone is being a jerk to you, you’ll either look weak and/or accepting of what they do as truth.
No matter how close someone is to you, you got to call them out on their nonsense.” FuegoAvocado
17. AITJ For Encouraging My Daughter To Make Friends?
“My (55F) daughter Ellie (28F) is a catch. She’s beautiful, brilliant (I mean genius smart), kind, and creative. She’s the type of person to excel at anything and everything she does.
She’s never one to raise her voice or act inappropriately; she’s pragmatic beyond her years and she’s a problem solver. Her career is flourishing (IT security) and she pays all of the bills. I’ve lived with her in her apartment for a year while I get back on my feet after a separation.
Ellie does have one problem: she has no friends (that I know of), except for her cat. This is a choice as far as I can tell, as she usually doesn’t seem lonely or sad. It seems as if she functions alone and is comfortable being that way.
I think she struggles to vocalize her feelings and she always has. She’s never dated or seemed interested in it.
It worries me. I know Ellie has a different personality and she’s pretty quiet and shy while I’ve always been a social butterfly.
But I see her at family functions and parties. She looks uncomfortable and tends to keep to herself. When she’s approached or spoken to, she chats normally and engages but it’s brief. Ellie never complains about it and seems to have a nice time if asked about it later.
Well, yesterday I called and told her I was bringing someone home with me for the night. She doesn’t care who I interact with, but I wanted some privacy. I asked her to leave before I got there, but she told me she couldn’t as she had something to do for work.
I wound up coming home before my guest to confront her. She was in her room listening to loud music and working on her computer.
I interrupted her and we got into a heated debate. I feel like it’s unfair that she won’t give me the apartment to myself once in a while.
She said she has work to do and that she won’t get involved in whatever I do. Eventually, I exploded and said that she wouldn’t understand my point of view because she has no friends or relationships and then I said that our family members judge her for it.
I told her everyone is always worried because she’s strange and distant.
She doesn’t wear her emotions on her sleeve, but I saw her face fall. She gathered some clothes, and a laptop, and left the apartment without saying anything.
I figured she needed to blow off some steam so I enjoyed my night. She hadn’t come back since yesterday and she won’t answer her phone. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings but I just want her to open up and act normal once in a while.
I wanted to help my baby.
AITJ?
Edit: she wouldn’t and won’t kick me out. She gets nervous and retreats into herself and will shut everyone out so an argument or conversation will end. She doesn’t like conflict.
Edit 2: she isn’t complete without a social life.
She has three older brothers (all married with children) with whom she shares strong bonds. She looks up to them and seems to think the world of them.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Wow, this started so nicely, too.
Your daughter is doing you a HUGE favor and you just rewarded her by trying to kick her out of her own place and making hurtful, judgmental comments about her personality and lifestyle.
What horrible, ungrateful behavior.
And to be clear – you weren’t trying to ‘help your baby.’ You wanted things your way and, once you got them, you were perfectly fine having a fun night. You didn’t even try to get her to come back or check in on her overnight.
You need to do two things – apologize profusely, if you’re capable of that, and move out. Find yourself your own apartment and pay your own way. And, while you’re at it, pay Ellie the back rent you should have for the past year.
And leave her alone to enjoy her lovely, peaceful, drama-free life.” Arbor_Arabicae
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As an introvert, I wonder why so many of you extroverts have to be so loud, intrusive, and demanding. She’s kindly letting you stay in her apartment, which, if she’s the sort who prefers to be alone, is already graciously generous.
There is nothing wrong with her. Some people prefer to be alone. And you want to throw her out of her own place so you can hook up? She’s not your college dorm roommate.
That is her place of tranquility.
Her space to go to get away from the loud, busy world. Her sanctum sanctorum. Her private space.
Just because she isn’t like you doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with her. At least she’s not kicking you out of your own space so she can********.
Extroverts can be so needy and entitled. Some of them are lovely people, but the ones who assume that we all want and need to be like them are insufferable.” UrsaGeorge
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
This was honestly painful for me to read because I’m a lot like Ellie, and knowing my mom and/or my other relatives think I’m not ‘normal’ and not living my life ‘correctly’ hurts a lot–I am super glad I do not have to be gracious enough to let her live with me.
Speaking of which, she is letting you live with her! You do not get to kick her out of the apartment, let alone when she is working and giving you privacy by staying in her room.
You are probably a big part of the reason your daughter ‘hates conflict’–as a quiet, self-contained person, I learned early on that expressing opinions or needs that were different from my social butterfly, extrovert, confident mother never ended well for me.
And no, you didn’t want to ‘help.’ You wanted to ‘confront’ her and manipulate and guilt trip her into giving you what you wanted, which was to kick her out of her own house for the night. The times my mom pretends her preferences/demands on me are ‘concerns’ for my own good are the most painful–because if I contradict them or stand up for myself at all, I am in the wrong.
Hence, conflict is avoidant.
Hence, in a lot of ways, my mother will never really know the adult version of me, just like she didn’t really know the teenage one, as much as she boasted about how close we were.
On the other hand, she’ll never understand enough to know that, either, I guess. She just knows I don’t visit as much as she wants me to.” notarealrabbit
16. AITJ For Telling My Partner Not To Call My Parents "Mom" And "Dad"?
“I introduced my significant other (24M) to my parents a few months ago and since then, he has been spending so much time together (especially with dad) and they love him, he said that he’s really happy that they are acting like his parents since he is an orphan and never really had an actual parent for most of his life.
Then these weeks, he started calling them ‘dad’ and ‘mom’ and it’s just so weird. These aren’t his parents, these are MY parents. And we aren’t even married yet, so are they even his parents-in-law?
I told him to stop calling them ‘dad’ and ‘mom’ because it’s creeping me out.
He said that they are fine with it, and I told him that it doesn’t matter if they are fine with it, it feels like he is replacing me and he is overstepping into a territory he shouldn’t step into because we are only been together for 8 months and we aren’t even married yet.
I’m not gonna get more into the details, I’m just gonna say that he got very upset, called me a huge jerk, and left. Now he is distant from me.
I really don’t know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
While I don’t understand the ‘replacing you’ part and that sounds like a you-problem, 8 months is not that long a relationship, and yeah, I’d probably feel a little weird about this if I were in your shoes. It’s a little overly intimate.
That being said, I also feel for your SO, and I don’t think there’s anything exactly harmful about him having found new parent figures in your parents. If your parents are okay with it, I would probably leave it be.” fairymascot
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How could he ‘replace’ you? You’re their kid & he’s a friend. Not the same thing at all. Are you by any chance an only child? If you were, it might be more understandable that you are jealous & insecure about your parents having a bond with another young person.
People with siblings are used to the idea that they have to share with their parents. However, if your SO can find parental figures in his life, something he clearly misses, that’s a good thing for him & kindness on your parents’ part.
They may well have found a friendship that has nothing to do with you.” YMMV-But
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he sounds a bit too much and as though he’s too immersed in your life and has the white picket fence all planned out.
This would make me feel claustrophobic and I’d have a big ole mental ‘Run’ chuffing away at my subconscious. You know that if you break up he’s going to still be hanging around with your parents. Having said that, he doesn’t sound bad, it’s just that you’re not syncopated either each other at where you’re at in your relationship right now.” CymruB
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
If you didn’t want your SO & your parents to get along as well as they do, why did you introduce them??? Like, you can’t introduce your partner to your parents after (I’m guessing) ~4-5 ish months of being together, only to complain when they gasp LIKE each other too soon!
You do not get to play the ‘it’s too early’ card here.
You might have a leg to stand on if your parents thought it was weird, but they don’t. It seems like the relationship between him and your parents are mutually beneficial.
The only one with a problem here is you. Some people might take that for a hint.” Out_geek
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Talk To My Husband's Mom And Sister?
“I’m pregnant and my husband’s side of the family cannot seem to accept it, except for FIL. MIL, let’s call her Diane, found out about our pregnancy before we even announced it to relatives. She wasn’t very happy about it.
SIL wasn’t very happy about it either, everyone else was through the roof with excitement. FIL is divorced from MIL so they barely communicate but FIL has been there for us when we need someone the most. Long story short after we reveal the baby’s gender and shared pictures with everyone a few days later MIL decided to look for ultrasounds off of the internet that looks similar to ours and compare them then she proceeded to say ‘they got these off of the internet’ ‘look it’s my grandchild’ when as most of you know ultrasounds are most of the time very similar.
FIL let us know about this whole thing, and he was annoyed and wanted answers. To be fair, we were too. We got confirmation that those are correct, those are ours even though I saw it with my own eyes but you know.
MIL and SIL decided the next day they were going to say a lot of trashy things to my husband about our baby and us. MIL never liked me because I got my husband out of a dark place in his life, yet they think I’m manipulating him and controlling him.
They think I’m behind this and controlling my husband to think the same. So am I the jerk for refusing to speak to MIL and SIL?
Edit: They told my husband we’re lying, they told my husband that family is always there for him.
He cut them off so they started calling me names.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
A new child should be a time I joy. Tell him to cut them off completely until they give a real apology and stick to it or your new child will also grow up dealing with this type of behavior.” grumbol
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Make sure those two are never part of your baby’s life.
If they do make enough nice to be given access, make sure visits are closely supervised now and forever.” Remdog58
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you both should have cut them off long ago and asked FIL not to fill you in on their drama anymore.
Time to pretend they do not exist.” holisarcasm
14. AITJ For Giving My Daughter's Car To Her Brother?
“I have two kids, Nina (20F) and Liam (15M). We decided that we would buy each a starter car for them to learn to drive and have as a vehicle.
When Nina turn 16, we surprised her with a car and driving lessons. She struggles with anxiety and is on medications as well as having regular visits with a therapist. She’s doing good, but there are still some things that she struggles with.
So when she said that she wasn’t ready to learn how to drive yet, we told her it was no problem. We said that there was no pressure on her to learn and that the car would be there when she was ready for it.
That was about 4 years ago now and although the topic has been brought up many times, Nina has shown no interest in driving.
We have offered to take her out to practice, offered to book her driving lessons, and she has always shut us down.
Our city has very reliable public transit which she said that she prefers to use.
Because of this, we figured that driving wasn’t for her. So we decided that since Liam turns 16 next month, we would give the car to him.
We ran this by Nina today and she was incredibly angry. She told us that it’s not her fault that she has anxiety. She also said that we promised that the car would be ready for her whenever she was.
She got angry with us for breaking that promise. Both her points are very valid, and I do understand her frustration.
At the same time though, it’s been 4 years. And the car has been costing us that whole time, both insurance and maintenance costs.
We don’t want to purchase a second car and be doubling our costs when we have a car sitting in the garage unused.
And honestly, we’d probably buy a different car for Liam if Nina was ready to learn. But she says that she still isn’t ready to learn and she doesn’t know when she will be.
All that being said, I’d like some outside perspective. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Nina may be frustrated with feelings that her anxiety is holding her back, but if she still isn’t ready, there is no reason for the car and the spent on it to continue to be wasted. If you’re willing to get a car when she decides she is ready, you’re not remotely a jerk.
It’s not her fault she has anxiety, it is her responsibility to deal with it. If she wants to take on the insurance and maintenance costs of the car, then it would be fair for her to keep it (though I don’t know if she can take over the insurance when she’s not licensed?) She’s 20, it’s been 4 years.
Having no end date, no plan, and expecting you to keep paying when there is someone else that can use the car is pretty selfish and unreasonable. Tell her that you’re happy to buy a second car when she actually starts pursuing driving lessons?
She needs to take some responsibility here – either take over the costs, start lessons or let the car be used by someone else.” TimeandEntropy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s been four years. Time to write out an agreement and let her know if she wants to keep the car, she has to sign that agreement.
That way, the consequences of keeping it up to par are on her and she has to go to driving school on her own time. If she does not agree to it, then the car is yours to give to your son or however you see fit.
If you decide that you want to sell it to someone else, you have that right. This is harsh, but it sounds like she’s using her mental health problems as an excuse instead of getting proper therapy to help her overcome her fears.” Devegas49
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nina has a point, but at the same time, you either gotta get on the horse, or put it out to pasture. She has made no effort to make herself comfortable with the car itself, or even the idea of driving, and so far as I can tell has no real reason to drive.
So here’s the deal I would give her. Either she can sell the car, and keep the from the sale to buy a car for herself when she is ready, or she can take over payments and upkeep.
I don’t have her problems with anxiety, so I can’t speak to that, but it’s not fair to you guys to pay for maintenance, insurance, and what have you for a car that’s gathering dust. Especially if she refuses to let her brother use it.” Alternative_Step_629
13. AITJ For Not Accepting My Wife's Anniversary Gift?
“My wife has been interested in expensive designer brands lately (Louis Vuitton, Burberry, Louboutin, etc.) and has been doing a lot of buying and selling used bags and fashion accessories. She tends to spend a lot of time on live streams bidding on items, and it takes away from family time, something that we’ve discussed and continue to work through.
I try to be supportive, and although I’ve always been adamant that we are not spending on new and insanely expensive designer bags (we both work and plan big purchases together); I’ve conceded to the used bags as being acceptable.
Every other week she shows me a carry-on luggage bag, coat, or laptop bag that’s by a designer and asks me if I’d use it. I am always clear that I would not, that I don’t care for the brand or design, and that I want something more functional. I’ve never wavered and sometimes might get a little direct with my responses.
I buy items that are more utilitarian – the look or design is secondary or tertiary to function and usefulness.
Last night, in advance of our wedding anniversary, she gave me a gift, consisting of a used Louis Vuitton shaving bag.
I was not thankful and asked her why she would have bought that for me knowing that I don’t want items of this nature. She responded that it’s nice and tried to compare it with my old shaving bag, which has two main pouches and two side pockets – allowing me to organize items. I tried to explain that it’s not functional, that I don’t want to worry about accidentally damaging something expensive, and that what I have is nice, and never gets seen by anybody anyway.
While a bit upset, I directly asked my wife if she ‘knew her husband’ and expanded that I’m always responding to her inquiries that I don’t want designer brand items. She knows that I am very particular with this type of thing, and it’s understood that I’m not easy to shop for.
I rejected the gift and suggested she sell it to recoup her losses.
So, AITJ for rejecting my wife’s anniversary gift and suggesting she sell it?”
Another User Comments:
“Eh, no jerks here. She bought you a gift you obviously wouldn’t like, you said you don’t like and won’t use it.
This is a bit childish but, in my opinion, doesn’t rise to a jerk level but it is silly that this seems like such a big deal to you both. Honestly, you both seem annoying on this issue. Some people are crappy gift-givers and some tend to give gifts They would like.
If she continues you can just give the gifts to charity (as once gifted to you they are yours to do what you like with) instead of telling her to take them back, hopefully, she’ll get the point.” ServelanDarrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve tried to calmly communicate with her about these spending habits, you’ve compromised on the used bags, and she knows you’re not interested in these for yourself. Sounds like she’s using this strange bag obsession to escape her feelings or something, and it’s more like she got herself a gift instead of you.
I wonder what the root of her bag obsession could be.” zingingcutie35
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
First-‘designer’ doesn’t always mean ‘better’. I completely agree with that.
I get it, I have been in your shoes. I have certain items I like and use regularly.
Items do not need to be replaced. My wife will try and ‘update’ certain items more to her taste, with less practicality (or they’re a downgrade in my opinion).
With that said, you were very adamant about not wanting certain items (a used item at that), and she didn’t listen.
I would be frustrated as well. That’s the thing, frustration is a feeling, I can’t blame you for having certain feelings.
Yes, you could have been more ‘gentler’ with this situation, as it was a gift. At the end of the day, your wife wanted to do something nice for you (even if it wasn’t in line with what you wanted).
It sounds like you two need a deep conversation about expectations, and possibly reconnecting. Because it sounds like you’re a little disconnected from one another.” Jameson18dude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She bought it because SHE liked it. Not because she thought you might, but because you have been crystal clear in your opinion of designer items. It’s one thing if someone genuinely has no clue about your tastes and gets you something you don’t like.
It’s honest and you should appreciate the sincere attempt. This case is completely different. It was a selfish gift.” throwawayneanderthal
12. WIBTJ If I Cut My Family Off?
“I’ve dealt with a great deal of awful stuff in my life. As a result, I have never felt included and like I belong with my immediate family. Trying to heal from the past is impossible with my family.
(my mom 50f, dad 50m, brother 30f, my sister 28f, me 22f) Everyone has trauma but for some reason, in my family, mine is invalid and I haven’t been shown the compassion that they show each other. For example, each of my siblings sprained their ankles at one point and was treated accordingly.
Myself, no one could even spare an ace bandage and my dad yelled and me for crying in pain. Another example is when my great-grandmother went to hospice when I was 13, no one told me what that meant. I had to Google what hospice was and that’s how I found out she was about to pass away.
Today really hurt, my mom, basically gaslit me into saying we never had a conversation about how she feels about my artwork. In reality, I’ve asked her a number of times and she just lied. I’m really sick of living here.
I have the opportunity to move in with my partner at the end of next semester. The only issue is I’d lose my job and maybe my car because we would be living an hour away and the car is technically my mom’s.
She always said that she would sell it to me when I was ready to move out, but I just let y’all know she’s good for lying to save herself. I always envisioned myself moving out and ignoring them for a very long time.
So they could finally have a taste of how I feel but part of me thinks I need a clean break altogether. WIBTJ if I cut them off 100%?
Edit: I neglected to mention my relationship with my partner. Admittedly we’ve been rockyish lately but we love and respect one another greatly.
He is someone I trust implicitly and he is supportive of my decisions even if it’s something silly like ‘Kevin Bacon didn’t star in Footloose.’ He ALWAYS has my back. We’ve had a lot of serious discussions lately about our relationship and what’s been working.
We both realized that we grow distant/stand-offish because we miss each other and we grow up in similar trashy situations and we didn’t feel comfortable communicating that to one another. We had to remind each other that we are a team and that one won’t hurt the other.
In this particular situation, my health and the anxiety surrounding my being sick in combination with his mom’s irresponsibility and his long work hours were causing A LOT of displaced emotions. We have since made up, he gave me an amazing anniversary surprise and I believe in our future 100%.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ to make some grand dramatic gesture of ‘never speaking’ to your family again. If visiting and contact become less and less frequent after you move out, well that’s life. As much of the forgotten child as you seem to be in the family, maybe they won’t even notice.
Just make your plans like an adult to move in with your partner and proceed. Ask mum if she’s still willing to sell you the car you’ve been using. She’ll probably say ‘no’ so be prepared for that.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“I’m really sorry about your situation but I want you to make sure that moving in with your partner is a good idea…you’d essentially be isolated, unemployed and without a car and this puts you at risk of being mistreated by him and if that happens and from what I read, you know your family won’t try to help you.
If you really feel like you trust your partner and your life would be better with him then go for it, but please be cautious. Your other option would be to stay with your fam just until you can afford to move on your own and then you can start distancing from them, at least then you’d be in charge of your own life and not dependent on your partner.” ClownFacedNinja
Another User Comments:
“That sucks – NTJ to cut off and find a family that actually supports you. Maybe see if you can arrange to get the car before leaving? If not, that might just be the price you have to pay to get somewhere you can work on healing.
Good luck!” Lurkingentropy
11. AITJ For Telling My Classmate Not To Call Me?
“A guy from my class (online) called me early in the morning. I woke up to his call but didn’t bother to answer because I was too sleepy. Now, I know that I wasn’t getting enough sleep lately and that was some good sleep I was getting and I was kind of annoyed that my sleep was ruined. So, there’s that too.
After some time I texted him asking what he needed.
This was the exact conversation:
Me: You called?
Me (after 2 mins): I would like it if you texted first instead of calling.
Him: Yes you’re the respective prime minister of the country so I have to take an appointment.
(He then blocked me.)
We’re not friends. We don’t talk that much. He called me a few times before and I answered or called back. But I never called him I always texted him if I needed anything from him because that’s what I do all the time.
I text people if they’re not my friends or if it’s someone I don’t talk to very often and wait until they respond. I know that there are a lot of people who prefer calls over texts. But I’m not one of those people.
So, I texted him what I wrote above. I am kind of offended that he said that and blocked me.
AITJ here? AITJ for telling the guy to text me instead of calling? AITJ for thinking he’s entitled to get offended over that?
Edit: For the people asking at what time he called. It was precisely at 08:37.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only mistake you ever made was answering his phone calls. I only answer calls from work, the doctor, my attorney, and family (and even then it’s usually a text first then a phone call).
Everything else goes to voice-mail and then I usually text back when I have time to check the voice-mail. I have a cell phone for my convenience, and I have made it very clear in what ways and context to get a hold of me.
No one has ever had an issue with it.” CantalopeHoneydew
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I don’t answer calls except for my mom and maybe a few of my closest people, or doctor, etc. I don’t even usually answer messages that are just ‘Hello’ or ‘Hi how are you?’ If people want to talk, they can tell me what they want to talk about.
You don’t owe someone a phone conversation on their schedule; it’s something we do when we want to. And his overreaction is absurd. Good thing the trash took itself out.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, we live in a day and age where it is VERY normal to text and check and make sure it’s a good time to call first. PARTICULARLY if you are not close.
And even if we didn’t, for him to get annoyed that you stated a preference that is very easy to accommodate is like… major jerk move. Don’t even bother trying to patch this up. Doesn’t sound worth it.” waterlilypadd23
10. AITJ For Complimenting My Wife's Friend?
“Me (28M) and my wife (26F) recently decided to rent a relatively fancy apartment after our marriage. We have been living here for about 3 weeks now. I and my wife have the same friends so we decided to invite them all over for a formal dinner to celebrate our new home.
We specifically mentioned that fancy clothes must be worn.
Now the meet-up was set to start at 8 PM, but one of our friends, M, (29F) arrived about 10-15 minutes early. My wife was in the kitchen finishing the food so I opened the door, I greeted M and commented saying she looked beautiful.
She thanked me and gave me a compliment back on my suit, saying I looked very gentlemanly. I showed her to the sitting room but my wife called me into the kitchen, she looked really frustrated. She started being aggressive asking me why I said that and if I liked her but more people arrived before I could say anything.
After that the night was just wonderful, we had a lovely dinner and did some karaoke. One of my friends even made a cake for the occasion.
After everyone had left, I was getting ready for bed because it was late, I was in our en suite when my wife walked in looking distressed. I asked if she was okay and she blew up on me saying how I complimented M and none of the other females.
I said I only complimented M because she was the first person to arrive, I would have complimented everyone but since she got annoyed at me for doing so I stopped. She then accused me of liking her more than a friend and possibly having an affair.
I got so annoyed I slept on the couch.
I don’t feel like I’m the jerk because I would have complimented everyone if my wife hadn’t gotten annoyed at me, there isn’t anything going on between me and M. AITJ?
EDIT: yes I compliment her, and I complimented her on the night.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I was told by my friend’s husband that I looked pretty in my wedding dress when I went over to her house to put it on and get her opinion of it and I knew he didn’t mean anything inappropriate by it.
I know I beamed when he said it because it was nice. My friend had nothing negative to say about it either.
Maybe it was using the word beautiful that irked your wife. It could be for a myriad of reasons, but maybe use tamer language in the future.
Like ‘nice” or ‘great’ instead of beautiful.
I can see how a wife might view her husband calling another woman beautiful as inappropriate.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – notice the difference in compliments here? The friend commented on your suit – she was commenting on your taste and not rating your attractiveness to her.
It cannot be interpreted as anything other than friendly or polite. Your compliment to her however was something else entirely. You basically told her you to find her hot which is not a thing you say to friends and a super uncomfortable thing to say in front of your wife.” OrangeCubit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t hitting on her. You were complimenting her fancy outfit. Telling someone they look nice/good/beautiful/handsome when they’re dressed up for an occasion is kind of just routine politeness in most cases.
Plus, you stopped as soon as your wife expressed her frustration. Your wife sounds extremely insecure. Accusing you of having an affair based on one innocent compliment at a fancy dress party? Seriously?” zingingcutie35
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Dog?
“I (15M) recently got a dog for my birthday.
My brother and mom bought her for me and it was the best gift. I’d wanted a dog for so long so when I finally got it, you could see how excited I was. As time went on, I did everything for this job.
I paid for the vet and dog food, took it on walks, and went to the dog park. I didn’t have a lot of dough because I’m not old enough to work where I live, so I had to go into my savings I’ve had since I was a kid.
Recently, I noticed my account is low, and I’m not going to be able to pay for stuff a lot longer. A few days ago, I noticed we were low on dog food, but I didn’t have enough to buy a bag.
I asked my mom if I could do something to earn from her so I could buy dog food. She immediately acted upset, saying stuff like, ‘I have to do everything around here,’ and, ‘I guess some people aren’t responsible at all.’ I got mad but still wanted the dog food.
So I said, ‘What’re you talking about? I’ve paid for everything for this dog so far.’
This made her go irate or something because she started fuming and yelling. I wasn’t listening to her really, but at the end, she said, ‘I paid for this dog, so it’s mine anyway.
Why did I expect you to be mature enough to care for a dog?’
That made me really upset because I have been waiting for hand and foot for this dog. I told her, ‘fine, it’s your dog then.’ Before going into my room.
The next day, my mom asked me to take the dog on a walk. To which I replied, ‘I thought she was your dog.’ This made her flip out, eventually, my brother came out and told her to calm down.
My brother was on my side and eventually just said he’d pay for the dog food.
Then, my aunt and cousins came over, and they said I was being completely rude for no reason.
So, AITJ for refusing to take care of my own dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not refusing to take care of your dog. You tried every way you could to get food and all that. The walking thing though, if you are still calling it your dog, and expecting it to be yours in the future, you need to form a bond early.
If you truly don’t want the dog, find someone who does, please… it would be better for everyone in the end if that’s the case.” EchoOfEternity
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here because, at the end of the day, that poor dog can’t feed or exercise itself.
Someone needs to take care of it, and all the bickering and refusal to do so on either side is really unfair to a living, breathing pet. You being petty to try and get back at your mom hurts the dog.
The dog doesn’t deserve that.
Your mom should’ve known better than to expect a 15-year-old to be able to afford the costs associated with a dog.
You shouldn’t be punishing the dog as a means to get back at your mom.” ImpressionOk1458
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did what you could within your means. She knew you wouldn’t be able to financially take care of this dog, but it sounds like she did get the dog for you with good intentions.
Perhaps ask her if she would be willing to drive you to a fast food place for work, or grocery store, or ask a neighbor if you can walk their dog, cut their grass, or help around to earn money.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I know you’re just a kid, but I’ll say the same thing I’d say to any pet owner. Pets are a commitment, a commitment you should have planned for better. Don’t beg for the responsibility you’re not ready for.
Your mom was right, she should have known better. Frankly, it’s pretty stupid of her to have expected a 15-year-old to be able to pay all the associated bills of being a pet owner.” Charlie-Wilbury
8. AITJ For Joking On A Plane?
“I was just on a flight and really needed to use the restroom right after take off. I was waiting until the flight attendants were walking around to quickly run back to the bathroom, and got up once I saw one of the flight attendants walking around the front of the plane near my seat.
It was a small plane with one bathroom in the back, and the flight attendant in the back was sitting by the bathroom door. I asked to use the bathroom and she told me the seatbelt sign was still on and that she was sitting in front of the bathroom door.
I asked if I could be seated in a nearby empty seat to wait and she told me I couldn’t, so I returned to my seat.
She was then passing by about a minute later to get the snack cart, and I asked if I could use the bathroom now.
She told me that I could, but basically that I’d be blocked away from my seat because of the snack cart in a few minutes so I should wait until they were done passing out snacks. I then said ‘we’ll, it’s either the bathroom or my seat’, and she quickly turned around and said ‘excuse me?’, to which I responded, ‘I made a joke that I need to use the bathroom or I’d be going in my seat.’ She shook her head and walked away.
I then went to the bathroom and everything was fine, although she clearly was annoyed with me the rest of the flight.
My wife told me not to make jokes like that on a plane and that it could come across as aggressive.
AITJ here for my flight etiquette?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The flight attendant cared more about her convenience than your need to use the restroom. You having to stand and wait until the snack cart cleared meant that you might get in someone’s way.
You should not be asked to wait to use the restroom simply out of convenience for someone else. You have a right to use the bathroom if it’s available and you need it.” Gingykins87
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. People do crazy things on planes all the time and the flight attendant had no way of knowing that you were actually joking vs actually threatening to pee in your seat.
Plane passengers behave like animals. Next time just keep it short and sweet and polite.” User
Another User Commentss:
“NTJ – Flight attendant here- never ask to use the restroom when the seatbelt sign is on. Just go. Literally, all we are allowed to say when asked is ‘the seatbelt sign is on’ which really means ‘go at your own discretion.’ This is all because of liability and turbulence.
If someone got hurt when the seatbelt sign was on they would say ‘but the flight attendant said we could use the bathroom’ vs if they went on their own accord and got hurt we would be in the clear.
People continue to ask and we have to respond the same way. I’ve been at that seat in the back sandwiched between a bathroom on both sides and you can get by her into the bathroom just fine. As far as your comment I wouldn’t worry about it- I’d laugh if someone said that.
Getting stuck behind the carts happens all the time- it’s all part of the job. The only time I straight up denied bathroom access is during severe turbulence and most people don’t get up in cases like that but if they do it’s not a polite convo but a more direct ‘go sit down now.’ Safety first.” Secret_Atmosphere521
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You should’ve just gone to the bathroom. This isn’t a graded school. And the flight wouldn’t have been grounded because someone used the bathroom while the seatbelt sign was on.” MilkCartonDandruff
7. WIBTJ For Removing The Next Tenant's Things From My Apartment?
“I (21F) live in a three-bedroom apartment with 2 roommates (21F). We are moving out in one week, as our last day of the lease is April 29th.
We live in a small university town and one-year leases from May to May are most common.
Our landlord came by yesterday and asked if the next tenants who are moving out of on-campus residence could move some of their things in.
We asked if it would be ‘something like bins/storage totes’ and he said yes, so agreed and asked him to let us know when they’re coming by. We have a little storage room and he asked if there was room there, so we told him No and that we had just cleaned out the closet by the dining room table, so they can use that.
We end up leaving the apartment for hours and come back to the closet being filled up with a dresser and a bunch of suitcases. Not only that, there is a deep freezer and a giant desk in our dining room, and a shoe rack underneath that desk.
It was simply not what we had agreed on.
We expected things in the closet only, and to be notified when they were coming. We did not agree on a full-out move-in session where we don’t know what the other tenants could have done in our apartment.
I immediately contacted the landlord. He replied not long ago and told me that ‘I didn’t give permission for that’ and he will ‘move things out of the way.’
I would like that because we never agreed to have those things in here.
At the same time, we could technically live with it and the next tenant’s lives (plus the landlords) would be much easier. Then I go back to thinking why do we need to sacrifice for some stranger that couldn’t be bothered to let the landlord know what they’re moving in?
So WIBTJ for getting the extra furniture outside of the closet removed???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, I’m the type of person who would just******* up, but having the stuff removed is actually the smarter decision. It would probably be a legal nightmare for the landlord if you were to get hurt tripping over furniture that wasn’t supposed to be in your place.” Elle_Vetica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The good thing about it he has to return the security deposit in full because there is no way to determine who made the damage and the cleanliness of the apt can’t be considered in the security deposit because of the inability to clean around other people’s stuff” Comprehensive-Hand60
Another User Comments:
“Eh – might be more trouble than it’s worth, but the landlord messed up. If they did something not agreed to (according to the landlord), it means that he was not there supervising, when he let them in your apartment.
I would hold him liable for anything lost or broken in your apartment, and if there was any kind of security deposit, I would expect it returned, in full (because new tenants helped create the mess, and their stuff is in the way of cleaning).
This is probably why your landlord is being so accommodating.
On the other hand, I don’t rent, but it seems that a big part of renting is referrals from previous landlords, so I’m not sure how far I’d take this, without a really good reason.” Himkano
6. WIBTJ If I Don't Repay The Tickets My Aunt Bought?
“My aunt is part of a play, and my grandma asked if I would like to see it last December. I said yes at the time. The performance is in May. I’ve decided that I don’t want to see it because I don’t want to hang out with my grandma.
I’ve been questioning why I’m even in contact with her due to her past toxic behavior, and I want to spend the least amount of time around her as possible. I told my grandma that I don’t want to attend the play, and she said she hadn’t bought the tickets yet so that was fine.
I received a message from my aunt saying she found out that I won’t be attending the performance, but she already paid for a ticket for me. If she can’t find somebody to accept my ticket by the time the performance is on, I would have to give her some to cover the cost of the ticket.
The thing is, I feel like I’m being ripped off because I never asked her specifically to pay for my ticket in the first place. I assumed my grandma might pay, or ask me to pay at some time.
I don’t want to pay for something I didn’t want to attend, but I don’t know what the right thing to do in this situation would be. Of course, the situation can be avoided if my aunt finds somebody to accept my ticket, but I’m preparing for the worst-case scenario.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Of course, your aunt was the one to buy the tickets as being the play she has access easier. The thing is, you are punishing your aunt for not attending because of your nan and now you expect your aunt to pay for your ticket.
You should go to support your aunt. If you aren’t going to go, you should pay her for the ticket instead of adding insult to injury.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ? This is a tricky situation. I think you should tell your aunt ‘hi aunt, I let nan know that I was not going to be able to attend and she said she had not bought tickets yet.
It sounds like she neglected to tell you I would not be attending. I’m sure she will cover the ticket since it’s her responsibility.’
I guess you don’t like your aunt either. Otherwise, I would think you’d go to the play, even if you didn’t sit with your nan.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you don’t pay. You said you would go and likely aunt paid because Nan couldn’t and aunt wanted you both there.” ygracie
5. AITJ For Wanting To Be Accountable For My Phone Line?
“I (30F) share a phone plan with my sister (28F). A little background about how this happened, she talked me into it after I had broken up with my last partner.
I had wanted to get off his plan and she wanted me to join hers so it would be cheaper.
Now, normally I would want something like this in my name because I’m responsible with finances and paying bills on time.
My sister really wanted to control the account because paying a bill regularly would help her terrible credit. I was hesitant at first because she has a terrible track record of paying her bills on time and keeping a job in general. I have lent her some amount on more than one occasion and I would say I get it back most of the time.
Usually, I have to hound her and it causes a big fight.
I give in because I’m a sucker. We add a line to her plan and I choose to finance a new phone because Verizon has a good deal going on.
Low and behold, she falls behind on her part of the payments. One day, when making a call it doesn’t go through instead I get a message from Verizon saying that our account is behind so our service has been suspended. Of course, I freak out and try to call her and message her over social media using wifi.
We fight over it. She swears that Verizon is stupid and that’s not what is happening to my phone. So I asked for access to the account she refused to give it to me. She managed to fix it. Whatever.
Fast forward to now. She wants to have T-Mobile buy out our contracts because it is ‘cheaper.’ This is bad for me because either I have to switch to T-mobile which has bad service where I live or I have to pay the remaining balance on my phone and lose the rebate.
I once again asked for access so I could discuss all my options and I feel like she reacted poorly. So I threatened to leave her hanging and just go get my own phone line. She refuses to budge. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve seen this with sooooo many friends and SOs regarding family members controlling finances. People try to control one another by holding financial interests hostage.
Sounds like you’re solid with your moolah and your sister is a silly goose.
You shouldn’t have to take responsibility for her financial mistakes. That’s her job, not yours. Seriously, if you can’t pay a phone bill… come on now, just set it on autopay ya dummy.
Get ur own line there darlin’!
NTJ.” FuegoAvocado
Another User Comments:
“My kids’ phones are on my account, even though they’re young adults (23,21). Even they have the ability to walk into att and discuss their options for changing their phones, seeing the bill, etc…
You’re a 30-year-old woman who can’t do that.
NTJ.
It’s entirely normal for two adults to share a phone plan, but it’s also entirely normal for two adults to BOTH have access to said plan. That she’s blocking you from having it is weird, and controlling.” SpiritOne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has repeatedly shown you that she doesn’t care about what you think or need. Just get your own plan and leave her the mess she created.” _fiona_goode_
4. AITJ For Arguing With My Dad Because Of My Ex?
“I (nonbinary 16) used to date my ex (m17) a few months ago.
We had a great time together, don’t get me wrong, but with his autism, it got hard for me to handle it. He would easily get jealous, wouldn’t listen, didn’t accept my opinion, always wanted to do what he wanted, etc. So I broke up with him, but ever since I left him, he has been nagging at me to hang out and even comes to my house without permission.
He has talked to my dad (M46) and said that I am the only friend he has and that he does not want to lose me, etc.
Now he is coming to my house almost every weekend even if I say no. My dad feels bad for him and lets him come and then makes me spend time with him because, ‘Oh but he is so lonely he told me you are his only friend.’ And this has been going on for like a month now and every time I say I don’t have energy for my ex, my dad gets angry at me.
Okay so fast forward: Last week my ex was here again and we went on an Easter walk with my nephew, I was hoping he would take the train home around 5:30 PM but obviously refused and said, ‘no I can stay a bit longer.’ And I lost it, I got so angry at my ex and yelled at him on the way home saying how annoying he is and how I don’t want him here, I saw he got sad at me but I couldn’t have it anymore.
When we came home, I went straight up to my room bc I had a headache but my dad came up and told me to go downstairs and be social bc he is all alone on the couch, I told him I don’t have the energy for this and he just got angry at me.
I yelled at my dad and said the same thing as I told my ex that I don’t want my ex here and I don’t understand why he’s always here when he has a family. I went down to be with the rest of the people but I could see my dad was annoyed at me for yelling at him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You don’t want to see or spend time with this person. End of story. Your father should listen to you. This person is also displaying some very serious red flag behavior like showing up even when you say no and consistently pushing past your boundaries.
You do not owe your ex anything. It’s nice in a way that your father feels sorry for him but your father should be prioritizing your needs over your ex’s.” Yellowjacketnumber7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your dad is enabling toxic behavior, and you don’t have the authority to prevent that from happening, and your dad isn’t listening to you.
Yelling is what happens when talking is being prevented to solve a problem.” toofat2serve
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father has no right to force you to hang out with him. Why don’t you sit down with your father and, without screaming, tell him what you just told us?
Explain how you feel controlled, manipulated, and somewhat stalked even by your ex and that his being there forces you into a situation that is hurting you mentally. You could also add that you need his support in breaking this pattern.” simskij
3. AITJ For Not Talking To My Grandmother?
“So basically my grandmother is an old lady who is very ill and can’t use all her body properly, but still tries to be as independent as possible. She’s trying really hard and her life is dominated by pain.
And that is what she mostly talks about. How awful her life is and how much pain she is in. It really makes me feel awful all the time and everyone always feels bad for her and I do too.
It’s horrible. But I have my own huge problems I need to deal with and she makes it really hard.
She doesn’t know I’m transgender so she deadnames me like the rest of my family who knows. I should tell her but I’m too scared and she will probably try to talk me out of it.
Because of all this, I haven’t really been reaching out to her, and every time we visit her, I feel my energy draining. The last time we visited, we stayed 2 hours and I felt really crappy afterward, but we should have stayed longer and I feel bad.
She didn’t seem to realize, it but was sad when I didn’t join anyone to visit her.
Now the thing: She even made some socks for me I didn’t manage to pick up (she never told me they were done) so my mom brought them.
I was just about to leave when my mother gave them to me and I was honestly really happy, but since I was in a hurry I put them on top of my drawer and left.
It’s been 2 days and I completely forgot the socks.
My mother came into my room yelling about how my grandmother just called her, telling her how awful she felt and that she was really mad I didn’t even say thanks for the socks. My grandmother never calls me, only calls my mother and yells at my mother so she can yell at me afterward.
I feel honestly bad now, and my grandmother told my mother I shouldn’t bother calling now as well. So I won’t call and leave her alone instead.
Honestly, I should be glad because of how much I couldn’t deal with her but this is awful.
I’ve been having a down phase and school is stressing me out (I have a really big examination next week) so I also didn’t join my brother today when he visited my grandmother. I really should have done that.
What’s the point of this post if I regret it so much?
Well, I want to know if how I treated her was selfish and wrong, after all, she never told me how she felt. She would always tell my mom and my mom would break under the pressure and I would have to build her up again.
Am I the jerk here?
edit: I should also mention another reason why I didn’t reach out to her: I didn’t want to explode on my grandmother and make her feel like a burden. Because for her it will seem like this if I tell her the truth.
update: this conflict is thankfully resolved! My grandmother called me and apologized saying she was acting off and her pain got her really stressed and it was too much. I said I would come to visit her next Friday and she was glad I would.
I said my honest thank you for the socks and she was so glad I liked them.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The lady is trying. She doesn’t want to be a burden, she is as independent as she can be despite her illness AND she still spends her time making a gift for you?
Even though she is in pain? For you to not even say thank you is just rude.
Try to spend time with her. You don’t know how much longer will she be around.” Antithinks
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My MIL A Grandma Shower?
“I (29F) was at my BIL’s and SIL’s, Ben and Shay, house this past weekend. They invited my husband’s family over and announced they were expecting a baby.
Everyone was really excited and we continued to celebrate. We were all hanging out talking about the potential names for the baby, the gender, and how they were going to decorate the nursery, and my MIL (my husband Tom and Ben’s mother) said she was so excited to start planning the shower.
I said if it was okay with Shay to include me in the plans because I would love to help.
Shay said that her two sisters were planning her baby shower for the next three months when she’s six months along.
My MIL said she wasn’t talking about Shay’s baby shower, she was talking about her grandma’s shower. Everyone was confused because I don’t think they’d heard of it until then, but I knew what it was so I asked her why she needed a grandma shower.
She said this is her first grandchild and that deserves to be celebrated. I said yeah that’s true, but it’s a little self-centered and inappropriate to throw a party to congratulate yourself on a baby that isn’t yours.
She said it wasn’t my place to determine that and asked Shay and Ben if it was okay, They seemed really uncomfortable to me and Ben finally said, ‘If that’s what you want to do…’ The conversation ended there and we didn’t talk about it for the rest of the night.
My husband was quiet the rest of the weekend and on Monday before work, I asked him to tell me what was wrong. He said it was rude to call his mother self-centered and that it wouldn’t harm anything for her to have a shower.
I brushed it off, but it’s been bothering me all week. Was what I said really that bad? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but absolutely support her in throwing it. Apologize to her for calling her self-centered, and then when the grandma shower comes up, DON’T GO.
Don’t tell her the gender, the potential names, and not even the color theme for YOUR nursery. That way when people ask her for details about the baby, she has nothing to say. We agree none of us have ever heard of a grandma shower so tell her you assumed she didn’t need you to be there and made alternative plans that can’t be changed. Call it a pre-mommy day.
Then on the day of her grandma’s shower go and have a pre-mommy day. Make it look extravagant, even if you just stand in the spa waiting room and take pics. Put kool-aid in a wine glass and take pictures.
Go nuts and have the best day you possibly can.
Let her do her. People aren’t going to get it, and you not going will indicate to them that this was as ridiculous as it sounded to them.
Side note: this is the petty part of me I try to pray about, but then don’t… obviously.” she_who_is_not_named
Another User Comments:
“I see nothing wrong with MIL’s friends giving her a grandma shower. To start planning it on her own, AT the pregnancy announcement was in poor taste. Your comments about her wanting to celebrate her first grandchild were truly jerk remarks though.
She’s excited and wants to share in the joy. Not the worst thing in the world.
Honestly, why do you care if she has a shower? How does it affect you? Or Shay and Ben? I wish my mom had a shower instead of me having to buy two of everything to keep at her house for visits.
YTJ. It’s none of your business. If the parents of the baby had an issue it was their job to tell her so. Not yours. Nothing about the situation affects your life whatsoever.” Charming_Ad8910
Another User Comments:
“This is the second time I’ve seen ‘grandma shower’ come up on this sub and… like, it’s one thing if you’re about to be a grandmother and you’re excited and you want to invite a couple of besties over for martinis to celebrate your excitement, and if you want to call it a ‘shower’ to be cute, I don’t care, you do you, gran.
But in both cases, and especially this one, the women seemed to think it was an opportunity to ignore the actual mother and make it all about themselves.
To be talking about a shower in front of the expecting mother and then throw the curveball ‘oh not for you, for me’ is unfathomable egotism.
I’m hoping for the sake of humanity that I’m just missing some nuance and MIL isn’t as bad as this makes her sound. Regardless: NTJ.” ginsengtea3
Another User Comments:
“I really want to call you not the jerk but I’ll go with a very slight edge to YTJ just because this is about your BIL and your MIL, not you.
I’ve never heard of a grandma shower and it’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen; but since you’re not the one having the baby and you’re also not the child of your MIL, you should have let them work it out themselves.
By coming out forcefully against your MIL, you put your BIL/SIL in a more awkward position of being forced to either take your side or MIL’s side, which probably escalated everything farther than it needed to go. If you hadn’t come right out of the gate swinging there would have been a chance for BIL/SIL to defuse it quicker.
Just because you’re right doesn’t mean you should speak your mind 100% of the time. Think carefully about what your husband is telling you about his relationship with his mom and what this means for any potential future children you guys have and how you’ll deal with your MIL since this is the part that actually has to do with you.” User
1. WIBTJ If I Ask My Significant Other To Have Longer Breaks?
“Me (33m) and my significant other (31f) both work from home full time, in different companies.
Also, meals are cooked and prepared by me, except for Saturday’s pancake breakfast that she cooks.
Otherwise, every breakfast, lunch, and dinner is my responsibility.
Now, in terms of work, we both work usual hours, but she has an arrangement with her employer, from even before we met, that she can start at 8 AM and take only a 30-min lunch break to be able to finish work by 4 PM.
My workplace has a 1-hour lunch break, which I use to be able to cook lunch, and I finish by 5.30 pm.
The thing is that I often feel like I’m wasting my lunch break just cooking for her just so she can have a shorter work day.
I’ve tried to subtly bring it up but she didn’t seem open to the idea.
As a note, she has some anxiety issues and doesn’t really like to work, so having more free time outside of work is something important for her
Edit: to clear some confusion, the point of her having a longer break would be to help me with some stuff, like washing some dishes or prepping some part of the meal. As it is right now, her 30-min break starts the moment food is ready.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Her lunch break being longer wouldn’t change that you’re spending your entire break making her food. If you don’t want to make her food, that’s fine, but it’s her decision on how long her break is, not yours.
Just be upfront like you are here – you’re not able to enjoy your break because you’re spending the entire time making food. It doesn’t make sense to me as you have to make food anyways so be prepared for that argument, but you aren’t obligated to make her food regardless.
She has so many other food options that don’t involve you making it for her.” Eastern_Amphibian385
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk if you brought this up and explained how you felt, but if she does say ‘no’, then find another way to resolve this.
Simple ways are to change what you have for lunch to have simpler or quicker meals, or as others have pointed out, to make extra at dinner so that you can use the leftovers for lunch the next day, or use parts of it for lunch.
If you tried to pressure her to change her lunch duration after she said no, then you WOULD be the jerk.
Cooking is a pain in the butt, however, if you are feeling resentment about it, the healthiest thing to do will be to talk to your SO.
Otherwise, that resentment will begin to mess up your relationship. Deal with it now and talk about it. You are both adults and can work through this. If you love her, and she loves you, then you should be able to climb this food mountain of an issue together and conquer it.
Good luck OP.” True-Tomatillo-4720
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Cook less. She’s done earlier in the day–why isn’t she cooking dinners?
Having anyone EXTEND their working day so they can do some dishes mid-day? That’s a non-starter of an idea. Making the time period for which one is enslaved to a job each day LONGER goes against every fiber of a worker’s being.
You are disgruntled that you’re cooking all the time and she gets to enjoy shortened workdays. Find some way to redistribute the workload between the two of you or stop cooking so many meals per week.” User
Another User Comments:
“She has a 30-minute lunch break and she comes home to eat what you cook for her? Am I misunderstanding this? Why would she not just pack a lunch to take with her and then find a nice quiet, anxiety-free place to eat it?
Couldn’t you just make a bigger dinner so she can take leftovers with her? She keeps her 30 minutes lunches and you don’t have to cook lunch for her. Wouldn’t that solve the problem? I think everyone sucks here since no one seems to want to actually fix the issue and would rather create drama where the shouldn’t be any.” ElectronicEcho2788
