People Yearn To Tell Their Side Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Telling My Husband He's Not Vacuuming Right?
“I (F, 35) told my spouse (M, 40) that if he wanted to help me clean the house he could vacuum two area rugs because they were covered in dog fur. He agreed and proceeded to vacuum.
When I saw the rugs afterward, there was still noticeable dog fur on them. I debated telling him vs just vacuuming them again but figured I should tell him. I did start by thanking him for vacuuming but said for your information, there’s still a bunch of dog fur.
He laughed and basically called me ungrateful and demanded pictures of the dog hair on the rugs (he was watching TV & eating and didn’t want to get up.) I was annoyed but sent him the pictures and he reluctantly said he’d vacuum again but he still thinks I’m an ungrateful witch.
For reference, he’s done this before with stuff like dishes. He’ll wash pots etc but put them away with obvious food residue still on them and I stopped saying anything because he just tells me I’m ungrateful and to just wash dishes myself if I don’t like the way he does it.
So I just re-wash them and move on with life but today I was tired from cleaning and really didn’t want to have to stop what I was doing (laundry) to vacuum the floors again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is weaponized incompetence.
From now on just go with it but make sure the consequences are his. Don’t re-wash the dishes. Serve his food on them. Wash only the pots that hold the food you will eat and your own dishes.
If he thinks they are good enough to put away, they are good enough for him to use.
Also, figure out what tasks you do that he gets great benefit from and start putting half-effort into them.
Do you do his laundry? Leave clothes in the dryer overnight before you hang them up, if he doesn’t like shirts full of wrinkles he can ‘do it himself if he doesn’t like the way you do it.’
I hate this nonsense so much.” SuperLoris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
His kind of ‘help’ isn’t actually help because you’re having to do it yourself again. Then he doesn’t believe you when you call him out despite his history of doing this kind of nonsense.
It seems to me that he does a crap job intentionally so you’ll stop asking and just do everything for him.
Whether you can live with it or what you want to do about it is up to you.
Good luck.” gen_angry
17. AITJ For Making My Husband Miss Our First Baby's Birth?
“My (23F) husband (24M) and I just had our first baby. My husband was so excited and was super supportive and caring throughout the pregnancy. The only thing is that he became slightly obsessed with watching YouTube and TikTok videos of husbands pulling pranks on their wives while in labor.
I didn’t mind at first but then he started casually joking about doing things he saw in the videos saying it would be funny. I clearly stated my distaste for them and asked him not to do anything like what he saw.
He agreed and continued to joke about it from time to time but I brushed it off since I trusted him and thought nothing would come of it.
The day of the delivery came and I had been in labor for 8 hrs (12 hr total labor).
I had just finished another round of contractions when my husband let out the loudest fart, turned to me, and said, ‘what have you been eating OP? It smells disgusting.’ I immediately recognized that as one of the pranks in the videos.
Outraged at him for not honoring what I asked him not to do I demanded that he leave the room. He started arguing saying it was just a joke but I insisted and luckily the nurse helped get him out.
I went through the last 4 hrs of labor by myself since my family lives out of state and I’m not close to my MIL.
After the delivery, I told the nurse he could come back into the room and he was fuming.
He started demanding that I tell him why I kicked him out. I calmly told him the reason but he was mad. He hasn’t talked to me in a week. His mom is taking his side saying that I was a complete witch for kicking him out.
Normally he will defend me from her but this time he completely agreed. I might be the jerk because I know how much he was looking forward to being there for the birth of our first kid and especially when he got to cut the cord, but I still kicked him out and refused to let him back in.
The nurse asked a few times if I wanted him back but each time I said no. AITJ for kicking out my husband after a stupid prank he agreed not to do?
Edit: He has been bonding with the baby but not quite helping.
When he felt like holding her he would just take her from my arms or if MIL was around he would ask her to get the baby. If he had been apologetic in any way I would have let him come back into the delivery room.
And the nurse checked on him but he was sulking and complaining that I did that.
UPDATE: It’s been a rough first week but thankfully my mother arrived this morning to help out.
I talked to my husband (as best I could since he is still upset and ignoring me) and told him how I was feeling (I have been feeling depressed and anxious since we brought the baby home) and that I understood why he was upset but asked him to please see my side.
He told me that I had no right to kick him out and that our daughter would come to hate me one day for having him miss her birth. I started crying and begged him to please talk things through instead of saying things out of anger.
He refused and said I was under his roof so he had the final say and called me a jerk for kicking him out of the delivery room. I didn’t say anything else to him I just started packing myself and the baby’s things and planned on leaving.
He yelled telling me that I couldn’t take anything he paid for (I haven’t worked since the start of 2020). I just took the baby and told my mom we were leaving. We are staying at a motel and will drive to my parents’ house tomorrow.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and for SO many reasons.
Firstly, congratulations on your beautiful new baby. Secondly, I am so proud of you for recognizing and walking away from such a toxic person. I’m not usually one who would suggest a breakup, but girl please run for the hills.
Taking away all the extras in the story, it boils down to this: your husband is abusive, will most likely remain that way, and will not be a good influence on your child. Please let me explain…
- You placed a perfectly reasonable boundary ahead of time because you saw this could become an issue and wanted to prevent it. Communication.
- He chose the absolute moment you were the most vulnerable to hurt you (regardless of how major or minor that hurt was).
Awful people do this to establish control.
- All it would have taken for him to be involved in the birth was an apology. His PRIDE wouldn’t allow that and he couldn’t even acknowledge his error.
His actions made him miss the birth.
- Because you enforced your reasonable boundary and wouldn’t allow him to stomp all over it he decided to PUNISH you by withholding support after you just birthed a child.
More isolation and control.
- After not allowing him to stomp on your boundary and him punishing you, HE BROUGHT IN HIS FLYING MONKEY FOR SUPPORT. Awful people tend to do this so that you get overwhelmed and confused about the legitimacy of your perfectly reasonable boundary.
- After you refused to cave to his emotional abuse he decided to pull the financial abuse card. That’s 2/3 and my bet is next he would’ve started hitting you once he’d isolated you from anyone who would believe you.
Awful people are great at manipulation, hence why he was the ‘perfect’ husband leading up to this. His goal was to not just tie you to him thru marriage but a child as well as it puts up SO many more barriers to escape the mistreatment.
It’s super easy to miss the signs when you’re emotionally close to these situations, but as a totally random person reading this, the red flags are popping up like it’s red flag day.
I want you to know this is NOT your fault, this was his fault.
His actions and inactions led to him missing the birth. It doesn’t matter how big or little the transgression is, it was the response and actions after that that show you who he truly is.
His words alone tell so much, please believe them even if it hurts.
If you stay he will teach your child how to do this or will use her as a target.
Please protect both yourself and your baby and I hope your momma is supportive and you have support for the long journey ahead.
If you decide to stay, please make sure you have a savings fund he has no access to so if things go south you can escape. I wish you the best and hope you are safe, please update when/if you can.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I get where you are coming from and where all of the NTJ came from… But
After commenting about him watching ‘prank’ videos, I was expecting something far worse than your husband farting and trying to blame it on you.
He is a jerk for disrespecting you, your child, and anyone else who may have been in the room (4 hours before delivery, probably 1 other person, if that). No disagreements from me here.
Why do I think you are also the jerk?
You kicked your partner out of the birth of your first child for a stupid joke. There is one of two ways this can be taken…
You were upset about the prank. The punishment did not fit the crime, at all.
You were upset at him for breaking his trust and doing something he promised not to do. In which case, you pretty much removed him from the start of your family as punishment.
Here is the deal: The nurses asking you if you want to let him back in should have been your clue to give him a chance to be there for the start of your shared family.
They hinted that he probably got enough time out. But you chose to double down and make it a special moment for you and a lifetime regret for him. By doing this, you escalated tension instead of de-escalating.
You put yourself before your kid and husband. Can you even try to put yourself in his shoes here?
Whatever happens, learn how to be a partnership. Both of you. This relationship prognosis looks dim.” entity330
Another User Comments:
“You already know you’re NTJ, but I am so glad that you’re no longer staying in that house. You’ve just given birth to an entire human being and yet he thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to verbally abuse you, threaten to manipulate your child into hating you because he didn’t like the consequences of his actions, and try to exert financial dominance over you.
This is a terrible partner and you cannot stay with him. Please make plans with your mom on how to stay out of his grasp while deciding how to move forward. I would not go back without an agreement to attend counseling and with the ground rules, he cannot be abusive.
If things don’t go well, you may need this independent record for securing custody.” jetfuel_o
16. AITJ For Making A Sandwich For My Partner?
“My (30F) partner (36M) and I have been sick for a few days. We’ve lived together for over a year now, so we’re pretty used to each other. I’ll get spurts of energy and want to get a lot accomplished when I’m feeling healthy.
This morning I offered to go get coffee (curbside pickup). I came back, and we had breakfast and watched a few shows together. I went upstairs to finish up some laundry, clean a bit, and get a bath.
This took about an hour and felt worn down after. I had gotten a lot done and my partner was really surprised and commented the house looked tidy.
After a bit of time, I asked if he wanted lunch.
He said he’ll eat when I eat and I started making lunch. He said, ‘Are you sure? I don’t want to eat if you’re not hungry. And if you don’t feel like making stuff I can just run to Taco Bell’.
I said no I was up for it, as I planned to make sandwiches/melts with leftovers. As I was making the sandwiches, the food got a little less appetizing, so I decided to make soup for myself (which I LOVE, I always have to have soup in the house).
Still, this didn’t take long, maybe 10 minutes.
I brought everything out at the same time and we started to eat. He said the sandwich was delicious, then said ‘you aren’t having a sandwich?’ I said ‘no, I started to make them and they just didn’t sit well with me, I got a little dizzy too.’ So he shook his head and seemed visibly angry.
I asked him what was wrong again. He said ‘yeah I’m just annoyed. You don’t have to patronize me. If you didn’t want to eat the sandwich you should’ve said something.
I’m a perfectly capable adult I don’t need to have you do things for me’…
I apologized as it wasn’t my intention. He said I made him feel guilty for eating a sandwich while I sat there ‘looking all sick eating soup’.
He said I ‘couldn’t just relax and sit down, I had to do all this extra cleaning and not ask for any help’. He said he was upset because I ‘couldn’t just listen to him and wasted food’ and I ‘constantly complained’ that I was sick.
He said I disrespected him in that I couldn’t tell him I didn’t want to make food. I could’ve listened to him, but I wanted to put effort into making food and just didn’t want the same food as I was making it.
After a few minutes of silence, he then proceeded to explain the sandwich was cold and not made the best, and explained a better way I could’ve made it. He said I made him feel guilty for eating the sandwich, and that I should’ve just sat with him on the couch for the day.
I’ve been trying to explain it wasn’t my intention to patronize him, but I also don’t feel like this should’ve been made a big deal and that he was being too critical.
I understand him feeling upset if he thinks I’m not listening to him, but If it was reversed, I would’ve just eaten. AITJ for not being considerate of his feelings and making him a sandwich?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The correct response would be for him to offer compassion and concern about how you were feeling and gratitude that you made the food, even though you weren’t feeling well.
Go back and read what you wrote. Notice that it is all about him and how you ‘disrespected’ him and ‘made him feel guilty.’ Then he has the gall to critique the food because it didn’t meet his expectations.
Dude has some issues.” Magnanimoe
Another User Comments:
“I think a little bit YTJ.
It sounds like you’re describing some chronic condition where sometimes you do a lot and sometimes you can’t get anything done, and he’s probably struggling with the unpredictability.
So you said that you’ll just make him what you are making, and he confirmed 2x and offered to get lunch himself. You kept declining, and then after doing it, you said ‘yeah, doing it made me feel sick.'” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and frankly making you out to be wrong for doing ordinary stuff is awful behavior. Lengthy harangues about the imagined nefarious implications of innocent actions are also a sign of narcissism.
He expects you to orient your every move around propping up his fragile ego. That kind of dynamic will quickly become miserable. You should re-examine this relationship.” Key-Significance6728
15. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad To My Wedding Despite My Grandmother's Wishes?
“I (F28) was adopted at 5 months old and raised by my paternal grandparents my whole life.
My father was my neighbor and he had two sons after I was born and raised them with my stepmom. He never made eye contact with me growing up, barely acknowledged my existence, and doesn’t know my birthday or middle name.
So today my grandmother (his mother) cried when I told her he wasn’t invited to my wedding. I have too much pain associated with constantly trying to gain his love from a young age.
I don’t think he deserves to see me on my special day and it’s more embarrassing to have him there without walking me down the aisle.
My grandmother is a very stubborn woman who holds grudges against many family members that she hasn’t let go of for 20+ years.
She’s being hypocritical by begging me to let it go and invite him. My fiance thinks I could break the cycle of the grudges that all my family has against one person or another.
And that I have a chance to say I tried to be a good person and include him. But he is also supportive of my decision and wants me to just consider it for her sake.
He agrees that it is ultimately my decision but he didn’t like seeing her cry either.
It hurts me so much to see her hurt because there’s always division in my family and I feel like a jerk for not sucking it up for her since she’s 80.
I know it would make her happy to see everyone there, but it’s either my pain or hers. My father is so indifferent toward me and I know it wouldn’t affect him in any way.
So, AITJ for putting my feelings before my 80-year-old grandmother/mother’s?
ETA: When I was around 16, my stepmom left him and he lost his mind for a while. He called me that day and made some threats.
He told me, for the first time in my life, that he loved me. I burst into tears, unsure of what to do. He kept telling me over and over that, it was my stepmom’s fault and to blame her.
Later that day I went to be with my stepmom and brothers while they stayed at a relative’s. My dad ended up burning their house down while they were gone instead of going through with his threats.
He claims it was an accident to this day. He moved into their unfinished house that same day. She felt bad and asked me to take the boys to see him and to take some food to him.
I drove over with my brothers and had some dinner. He never said a word to me and on the way out, he said ‘love you, boys.’
That was when I realized that he told me he loved me to turn me against my stepmom and guilt her into getting back with him.
(which I never did because I love my stepmom)
She opened up to me that night and said their first child was a girl and he talked her into terminating her pregnancy. He never wanted girls.
Years passed like nothing ever happened and he got back with my biological mother. Then that’s when the ‘bonding’ attempt happened. He got me alone and asked me to forgive him for not being in my life and claimed that my stepmom wouldn’t allow him to get close to me.
I told him even if that was true, he had ample time to bond after she left him and he never did. I just told him I can move past it and we can continue like we always have.
He was once again using me emotionally for the current woman he wanted and I wasn’t willing to play family.
We got along and I would pay him for helping me with car troubles and handyman-related stuff.
I worked with his friend who scolded him for taking funds from me since I’m his daughter. The last time I asked him to help me move and offered to pay him, he never showed up and I haven’t talked to him since.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t want him there and you are absolutely right. He doesn’t need to be there for your special day. If your grandmother wants to hold a grudge for the rest of her life for the next 20 years let her.
Your dad doesn’t care! He hasn’t asked! No, do not put yourself in a position to be rejected. This guy doesn’t even know your birthday and middle name! Your grandma wants to save face and put on a false front.
You have it right. You don’t want him there and do not let her manipulate you.” mcmurrml
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, considering he burned down a house I wouldn’t want to ever be anywhere near him.
He sounds like he is stunted emotionally amongst other problems and you are better off with a large distance.” Knittingfairy09113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your wedding and he sounds horrible. Just because he’s your dad doesn’t mean he’s entitled to an invite.
Obviously, it’s upsetting and unfortunate that your grandmother is upset, but I think she’s being unfair in expecting you to give up your peace for the sake of your family’s peace. Have you tried explaining your reasons for why you don’t want him there to her?” rosealoe
14. AITJ For Not Trusting My Friend With The Original Keys?
“My (28F) best friend is getting married next week in our hometown, where I also live. My other best friend Julie (30F) is coming in from out of town to attend but is not in the wedding.
My husband (28M) and I are in the wedding party. We live fairly close to the venue but will be staying with the bridal/groom’s wedding party the night before and then at the hotel for a night away.
So our house will be completely empty – since her family is no longer in the area, I offered Julie to stay at our place.
My husband was fine with this too as she has been a good houseguest in the past. I let Julie know that I was copying her a set of keys from Home Depot this week and would plan to leave them hidden outside our house so she could grab them anytime since we’ll be busy the whole weekend with wedding duties.
She asked why I was doing this – ‘you don’t need to do all that! I can just borrow one of your sets.’ Thing is… Julie loses everything. She is notorious for losing all kinds of things – credit cards, her entire wallet, and her car keys.
When we lived together in college, she lost her student ID (which contained her bus pass), then lost two more replacements in a span of a week, then lost MY pass that I loaned her for three days.
So I don’t fully trust her with my keys. I told her it was because my husband and I won’t be together the whole time and could potentially need to stop at home.
She didn’t seem to buy that and said she could always let me in since she’ll be home when not at the wedding. She kept pressing and I needed to say something.
I said, ‘I wanted you to have your own set in case something happens to them!’ She got very upset, calling me a jerk but also saying I wasn’t fully wrong. I told a couple of friends about the situation and they are split.
Everyone agrees she loses stuff a lot but some think I shouldn’t have told her that and should’ve just given her the keys instead of spending money on it.”
Another User Comments:
“Your friend is a jerk for pressing the question when you gave her a valid answer and then calling you a jerk when you told the truth. You easily could have said ‘oh we’ve been meaning to make a spare key to keep outside for emergencies and this seems like a reason to push me to get it done now rather than later’.
Like why would a friend care to question that unless they knew that in fact, they do lose everything they borrow? NTJ.” commenter23450
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s strange that having a copy of the keys would upset her so much, especially since it makes it more convenient for everyone.
You don’t want to be called away from wedding activities to let her in. She should be saying ‘thank you’ for giving her a place to stay. Have you asked her why she was pushing the issue?” amylynn83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Very simple excuse if in the situation again or something similar is just say you have been meaning to get an extra set anyways. Pretty well impossible for anyone to tell if it’s a lie or not and there aren’t any further questions to go with it.
Of course, your friend should have just let it be, to begin with.” User
It's weird that she pressed the issue. You decided to have a guest key made and you did.
13. AITJ For Refusing To Go To My Father's Birthday Dinner?
“My father doesn’t act like a father. He doesn’t do any parenting. I’m resentful of both parents for the trauma, emotional mistreatment, and emotional neglect I have experienced, but a lot of that resentment is focused on my father because I don’t have any childhood memories with him.
He didn’t go to my sports games, he didn’t know any of my friends, could never tell you what grade I was in, and sometimes he forgot my age or when my birthday was.
He has never gotten me birthday or Christmas gifts, that was always my mother. All the things he knows about me were from when I was seven years old.
This is a lead-up to why I don’t want to go to dinner with him.
My mother made reservations at a super expensive restaurant for my father’s birthday. We’ve been before and I hated it. It’s normal to have long waits in busy restaurants, especially for the amount and quality of food they are serving, but I dread waiting for over an hour at a table with my father.
I’m scared of him. I resent him. We have nothing to talk about. He’s extremely homophobic and transphobic, and a bit misogynistic, and because I am a part of all three groups I feel super uncomfortable at a table with him (though I’m not ‘out’ yet, so I can avoid his hate).
I couldn’t bear it if he started to go on a transphobic rant (like he has before) and I was unable to remove myself from the situation like I can at home. I might actually cry.
My hands are shaking just writing this out.
My mother also made reservations for a night when I was supposed to have my therapy appointment. I have therapy every single Wednesday, and she knows that.
But she still went ahead and planned the night for us. She’s lucky this Wednesday I don’t have my appointment because my therapist is still on holiday. This isn’t the first time my mother has forgotten that I have therapy.
My mother knows I feel uncomfortable and unsafe with my father. She still wants me to go to dinner ‘as a family’ for his birthday. She gets super mad when I express not wanting to go at all (I don’t like my father, I don’t like social situations because of anxiety, and I have an eating disorder which will make dinner in a public place difficult).
I didn’t get him a birthday gift, and I know I’m going to receive so much anger and backlash if I refuse to go to his birthday dinner. Would I really be a jerk if I tried to skip the dinner, or should I just******* up and go?
I feel so conflicted and like such a horrible daughter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother has unrealistic and inappropriate expectations that you put yourself in an emotionally dangerous situation just so she can meet her need to maintain her fantasy of an idealized family.
It’s time to set some boundaries with them and stick to them. Take the steps to protect yourself. They’re obviously not going to.” Magnanimoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If a person refuses to be a parent, this person can not expect to be treated as a parent.
Not wanting to spend time with someone ranting against his hated minority of choice is perfectly normal.
Your mother sounds exhausting, too. She forgot that her daughter has therapy? WHAT? She knows you feel unsafe around him and still wants you to go?
OMG…
Stand your ground. Get as much distance as possible from your father, and move out if you can. What you’re experiencing is cruel.” dhippo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Find a way to not go, whatever works best for you, come down ill the day before, an emergency with a friend… I don’t know your situation so don’t know what will work for you, but you don’t have to go to this meal. Wishing you all the support!” trashfirepanda
12. WIBTJ If I Make My Friends Drive My Truck Back?
“I let my friends borrow my truck every year for a vacation.
We all go to a big cabin every winter and their vehicles aren’t big enough for all their family and supplies. They end up taking their own car plus this truck. It’s also 4×4 and they kind of need that to get to the cabin as well (drive it in front of the SUV as a way to track the snow/follow).
We have been driving the truck to their place and picking it up every year and I’m sick of it. Usually, we are only 30 minutes away but this year we are almost 2 hours away.
We dropped it off in advance and they said they would drive it back to us. Now they want to drive halfway and have us meet them to pick it up. I think they should drive it all the way back to us as we drove it down to them.
WIBTJ if I told them to bring it all the way back to us? This has happened a few years in a row and I know I should have made this stipulation before but is it really bad to expect them to bring back the truck when they use it for free?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Now that you’re much further away I would completely stop loaning them your truck. It’s one thing if you’re in the same city but 2 hours is too far, in my opinion, to be loaning a vehicle.
Especially if you have to drive to drop it off & pick it up.” Stefie25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you borrow something of importance, you do the most you can to not trouble or put out the person who is loaning it to you.
The fact you drop it off at all is kind of saintly.
And to be clear, if they take issue with it, just maybe back off on the loan in the future.” johnnyqdoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. If I borrowed a truck from a friend to go on vacation, without them also, I would be bringing it back to them cleaned with a full tank of gas. You are doing them the favor by lending them the truck they can do you the courtesy of bringing it back to you.” blimpinthesky
11. AITJ For Trying To Prove A Point By Ignoring My Cousin?
“I (14 NB) go to a very strict private school, I like to take the few 2-3 week holidays as a time to relax and have time by myself since I barely have time to focus on my needs and mental health.
My cousin (15 F) doesn’t get out much and barely has social interaction, she lives in a community where there are no places to walk or hang out with a high chance of danger (she isn’t very street smart).
Okay so basically we have her at my family’s house for the majority of the holidays to get her out and about which I have no problem with… The part that gets me is the fact that both of my parents heavily encourage me to bring her everywhere with me.
I get that she needs to get out but when she comes over the reason I’m made to hang out with her is purely based on one thing; we’re close in age. It’s chill but when C (cousin) is over we have to do everything together, I can’t even be alone in my own room.
I feel put on the spot because my parents leave me to plan everything we’ll do which leaves me completely stumped. After all, she doesn’t want to hang out with me and my friends or if I plan anything with just us she doesn’t want to do it.
I have decided I’m not taking this anymore, everything I offer she rejects. I have recently decided to just have 0 interaction with each other when we all went to see a movie. There was no interaction except at dinner with occasional small talk and normal convo.
I know this is a pretty jerk move but I don’t like how my parents force this relationship, we don’t even have much in common and I feel like I’m being used and being forced to put my holidays aside for her.
I ignored her to show my parents that they don’t need me to give her a good time going out.
Later on, I had a talk with my older sister who is way older than me, and said it’d be the same for her if C was S’s (sister’s) age.
My parents are now frustrated and trying to guilt trip me by talking about her disabled siblings and how she didn’t grow up like me, I feel like a total jerk.
AITJ?
Edit: She still had a good time at the movies it wasn’t the silent treatment it was more avoiding being by her side the whole time, I should’ve phrased this differently.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are not her Emotional Support Animal. Your parents need to understand that you are your own person and don’t have to do things with her just because you are her age.
You are allowed to have your own friends. Let your parents be her entertainment since they are so concerned about her. She isn’t your responsibility.” Weneeditdun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 13-15 was about the age range when the same-age cousins in my own family stopped hanging out with one another.
By that age range, you are developing your circle. You have every right to feel how you feel. Just remember that your parents are probably feeling pressure from your cousin’s parents that they want her to be socialized when they are visiting your family.
At 14 you are old enough to have a sit down with your parents.
Without getting into emotions, calmly state the facts of why you should no longer shoulder the responsibility of hosting your cousin; that she rejects all your ideas, that you like your school break time to have peace, that hosting her has nothing to do with her disabled siblings, etc. Make sure you tell them you understand WHY they want her to be hosted by you.
This is your chance to show your decision was mature and coming not from a place of malice but from a place of your own mental well-being.
If after the conversation your parents still disagree then let them know that you understand and end the conversation.
The next holiday just continues to do what you did this year. By then you’re 15 and she is 16; she will naturally disassociate with you by then. I’m sorry you have to go through this but I’m glad you have someone in your family agreeing with your feelings (your sister).” ExpensivelyMundane
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Go To A College Party?
“I (48M) have a daughter that is turning 16 years old this week. She is a junior currently in high school and has been hanging out with some friends that also hang with college students.
I find it very concerning and have spoken to my daughter about the friendships. She assures me that none of the boys want a relationship with her. I have explained to my daughter that it’s not just a relationship I’m worried about.
She told me that one of her college friends was hosting a huge party and she wanted to attend. I told her my concerns and that for her own safety, she can not go.
She got very upset and promised that there would not be any booze or illegal stuff being used. I told her no again and she got very upset, claiming that I did not care about her being sociable.
My ex reached out and started yelling at me that I was wrong for not letting my daughter attend a party and not trusting her. My daughter will now only leave her room for school and dinner.
My ex is perfectly fine with her attending the party.
AITJ for not letting my daughter attend a college party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s young. She can say there won’t be illegal stuff and drinking all she wants but the grown adults at a college party are going to have them.
She is not an adult and it is your responsibility as her parent to help keep her safe. Keeping your 15-year-old away from partying with 18-23-year-olds is a perfectly reasonable boundary.
That being said, make sure she knows she can always call for help.
She has mature friends and teens will be teens. She may sneak out so she needs to know you’ll always be a safe way home in an emergency.” snowwhitesludge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
OK maybe these college kids don’t do illegal stuff, I’m willing to believe that.
I was in a large club of about 60 people in college and I never heard a whisper or saw any evidence of any of us doing some sneaky stuff (half of us were RAs and the club was through the housing organization so we were all very careful).
But there’s more than likely going to be smoking, even if they’re polite like my group, and anyone who wanted to smoke went outside to do it.
But come on, no booze at a college party?
Please, she’s definitely too young to be going if she thinks you’re going to believe that one.
She isn’t showing that she’s emotionally mature enough to hang out with college kids, let alone go to a college party.
But at least she asked permission and didn’t sneak out or lie about where she was going, so she does get points for that in my book.
Also just passing on the most important advice I ever got from my older brother.
When she does start going to college parties she needs to know that the second her drink leaves her line of sight the drink is dead to her.
Doesn’t matter if she hasn’t even had a sip yet, or the party is full of her nearest and dearest friends.
Honestly, I used a tumbler with a straw and lid at every party I went to, keeps the drink cold and safer than something with an open top.” gabbydearest91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was in college at 16 and I can assure you that there will be booze, most likely some illegal stuff, and absolutely lots of hanky-panky.
And no, none of the guys are interested in a relationship but they are certainly interested in relations. Now, not all of them are like that, but think back 30 years – remember what they guys were like back then?
Things have not improved with time. For some, and it’s awful, but a 16-year-old would be a fine trophy lay.
Protect her from these people. Sometimes it’s too tempting for a young girl to hang with the older kids and ‘adults’.
The problem is once a bad thing happens it can’t be taken back. I’d also try to talk to her about her autonomy and security. I was raised to respect myself and did not want to do illegal stuff and only had (minimal) drinks at home.
Getting wasted is a great way to wake up next to someone you barely know.
I was also pretty clear on under what circumstances I was going to let someone put their hands on me and I had to shut a few down.
It wasn’t fun going to parties where drinking, hookups, and illegal stuff were the norm so after the first few I chose my friends more carefully. But I had the support of both my parents and carte blanche for calling for a ride if things got dicey.
It also helped that my parents had to meet anyone I went out with and one handshake with my father was usually all it took to bring out the gentleman in them.” ohsogreen
9. AITJ For Not Intending To Help My Brother After His Surgery?
“I (15F) have always kinda taken care of my family. I have two brothers, Markus (17M) and Xander (11M). And to say we don’t get along would be an understatement. They always gang up on me and they have their clever ways of getting me to do their chores.
I should also mention, my mom has a lot of health issues so it is hard for her to get up in the morning, but she still has a job. Also for those of you asking, our Dad doesn’t live with us, we see him every other weekend.
Due to these health issues, sometimes my mom can’t get up and get food. If she asks my siblings, they refuse and run away. I couldn’t believe it. So I started feeding her while my siblings got to play their games.
Soon enough though it turned into a cycle where I’d have to feed them too. They all also expected me to do the dishes, laundry, pet care, etc. It gets so exhausting.
So this brings us to the problem: my brother had to get extreme surgery on his dominant right wrist. I already had a lot on my plate because I have all the chores to do.
One day, Markus, called me to his room. So went upstairs and asked him what. And he basically started on this whole tangent that I needed to help him and that he needed food.
I told him no and that I have a list of chores to do and I couldn’t help him.
‘Why can’t you take care of your poor older brother?’ He asked
And I told him back: ‘No, I didn’t sign up for this.
I already made up my mind, I have too many things to do already and I’m not going to help you. You can do it yourself.’ And I walked away.
Later, my mom came home from work, she was not pleased that I didn’t help my ‘poor sick brother’.
I told her that he isn’t a baby anymore and that in one year he could move out on his own since he is 17. She said still I should have helped and I have been lazy.
She sent me to my room for the rest of the day. Now the more I think about it, I feel like a jerk. So please tell me, am I the jerk?
Edit: I have talked to my mom and siblings and they promised to change and help me.
It’s been about 1 hour at this point and I see improvement. They also told me that if I need help, to ask them. Hopefully, it will stay like this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are the sister, not a parent.
Your brothers are old enough to pull their own weight. Do your food and your mother’s, do laundry for the two of you, and clean up after yourself.
At most, if your brothers demand food, make them a plain bologna sandwich: two slices of bread, one slice of bologna, done.
Unless you stand your ground your brothers will continue to see you as their maid and servant.” RCKJD
Another User Comments:
“I’m glad to see your edit as you’re definitely NTJ. Your brothers are, and a soft one your mom is.
Moreso she needs to step up a bit and have your brothers pull their weight.
My only caveat is that it’s a slippery slope to say you need to ask any time you need help.
This is an emotional burden. I would sit down again, and let them know you’re happy to suggest things as you can, but as they become more accustomed to being helpful they need to take the responsibility and onus on themselves to do things without being told.
It’s called emotional labor and many women are realizing this is almost as bad as just having to do it ourselves. We’ve been socialized to have to do it or plan it out and ask for help which should be obvious.
I’m very glad they’re picking up slack but they need to realize if they see dishes piling up, they need to just do them instead of you needing to ask. If they see the TP is low or out, replace it, you shouldn’t have to ask.
Trash, groceries, cleaning stuff – they notice. Or need to.
Best of luck and again, I’m so so glad this worked out. You deserve a childhood in addition to contributing to your home and family.
All the love.” Educational-Scene497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are getting treated like the mother. Your brothers and mother show that they couldn’t care less and fully expect you to do everything for the family.
It’s your brothers’ job to help themselves and it’s your mother’s job to help and not expect you to do everything. If the brothers expect you to do something for you do it half fast. If you keep complying with your brother’s needs then he will never learn and continue to treat you like a maid.” WowItsDominique1
8. AITJ For Forgetting To Prioritize My Daughter's Feelings?
“I (46F) am married to my husband (47M) and we share two children, a daughter ‘Olivia’ (22F), and a son ‘Liam’ (20M). My husband also has a son ‘James’ (28M) from a previous relationship.
James’ mother is not in his life, and I have raised him ever since he was a baby. I love him dearly and consider him my eldest child. James has been engaged to his fiancee ‘Emma’ (28F) for the past three years, and they are planning to get married in the next two weeks.
Emma is a nice and wonderful girl, and I know she’d be a great addition to the family. Olivia doesn’t like Emma, as she has always wanted her best friend to marry James. Olivia works as a clothing designer and owns a small boutique.
She told Emma that she would only allow the wedding if she could design her wedding gown. Emma, however, politely declined and said that she wanted to wear her late mother’s wedding gown instead.
Frustrated, Olivia came up to me and complained that she would not attend the wedding if Emma did not wear a gown designed by Olivia. I calmly explained to Olivia that it was not her wedding, but Emma’s, and that only Emma had the right to choose her wedding gown.
Olivia broke down in tears saying that she was not going to the wedding, which I said was completely up to her.
It seems that she has complained to Liam about it, as he called me later asking me why I was siding with another woman’s son’s fiancee rather than my own daughter.
I was shocked hearing this because I don’t know where Liam got that impression because I always consider James as my own son. I’m not sure if I’m the jerk, because Liam says that Olivia’s feelings are hurt and that I’ve forgotten to prioritize my own daughter’s feelings.
AITJ?
Edit: I spoke to Liam about his behavior, and he has apologized to me for his words. He said that Olivia ran to him crying, telling him to say ‘why are you siding with another woman’s son’s fiancee rather than your own daughter’.
Liam said he wasn’t exactly comfortable saying it, but he said he wanted to stick up for his older sister. I’m not sure if Liam is telling the truth just yet, but it seems plausible enough.
Edit: I finally got a chance to sit down and talk with Olivia and asked her why she feels upset about James’ wedding and why she made Liam say such things to me. She admitted to me that she made Liam say that to make me feel guilty.
She said that after she realized her best friend could not marry her brother, she at least wanted the opportunity to design the bride’s dress to promote her store. I told her that since it was Emma’s wedding day, only she can choose her bridal gown, however, I told Olivia that she could possibly talk with Emma about wearing a dress she makes for their wedding reception or perhaps another event.
I told her what she said about James was out of line, to which she apologized. After I promised Olivia to have a ‘spa weekend’ following James’ wedding, she agreed to attend the wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: you were completely fair in what you said to Olivia. It seems Olivia is just coming up with reasons to find fault with the wedding, and saying she will not go if she can’t design the wedding gown seems controlling and unfair.
You seem to have handled the situation really well, and another woman may have given birth to James, but it seems you are his mum and have acted like it throughout this whole situation.
You shouldn’t ever ‘prioritize’ either child’s feelings, and you haven’t done that. You have acted fairly and not like a jerk!” NormanEthman
Another User Comments:
“You were so close to NTJ.
Olivia didn’t even offer to design the dress as a kind offer. It was a 100% selfish self-centered move. It was about promoting her own brand. She was using that as an attempt to make her brother’s wedding about herself.
And when she admits her completely inappropriate selfish plan, YOU suggest she try to jump into the spotlight at the reception. Her entire plan is to use Emma to promote herself at Emma’s own wedding.
Why would you suggest she keep up with her attempt to steal the spotlight at your son’s wedding? And then you are taking her on a spa weekend for trying to make their wedding all about her?
Let’s be clear, she is not a little girl who felt ignored & neglected. She is an adult woman, mature enough to own a business, who threw a childish tantrum, cruelly called James not family, admitted the entire mess is because she wants to use their wedding to promote herself and you gave her more ideas on how to still use them for her own gain & taking her on a spa vacation.
No big surprise that Olivia is so self-centered & selfish.
YTJ.” Gimmecheesenow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You aren’t prioritizing anyone’s feelings, you are simply telling your daughter the truth that she can’t control what another woman wears on her wedding day.
Emma politely declined to wear a dress, and if Olivia doesn’t want to go to a wedding because of it, okay. What are you supposed to do here? Force Emma to wear the dress or force Olivia to go to the wedding?
It seems your daughter wants you to do an impossible task here.
I’d call your son Liam back and make sure he understands what the topic of conversation actually was – that Olivia said she wouldn’t go if Emma didn’t wear her design, and what would he propose is the solution to this situation entirely created by Olivia?
I have a feeling he got a very different version, and he should know what is actually going on because he may be the person who can build a bridge here to get Olivia back from crazy town.
Then remind him that yes, James is not your biological son, but he is your son and it is not okay in times of conflict to point out this fact that has nothing to do with how you created a family.” mfruitfly
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Ex For Being A Trash Parent?
“Coparenting between myself (25F) and my ex (28M) is rough, to say the least. Every interaction seems to be a toxic one.
During our marriage, I found that he was manipulative, would gaslight me, and was just a bully in general. Our recent disagreement has me wondering if I am overreacting or reacting appropriately and am just getting manipulated again.
My ex had our son (age 5) over the weekend and I met up with his partner to pick up my son today and she explained they forgot to wash clothes and would return the outfit I sent my son to his dad’s in at a later date.
When my son saw me, he wanted me to pick him up and hold him anyway but I didn’t realize until I put him in the car that he didn’t have shoes on.
I asked him why, and he said his dad and dad’s partner said they didn’t want his shoes to end up at my house. Keep in mind, they have an outfit of his and a pair of shoes that came from my house but are worried about their pair of shoes.
It was 30 degrees and flurrying outside when this was happening. I brought it up to my son’s dad that that didn’t sit well with me and asked that it not happen again.
He explained to me that our son was in the cold all of 5 minutes between cars and that I had no plans today so it didn’t matter. He also told me ‘it doesn’t seem to be a big deal when you send him in clothes that are too small’ but that isn’t the case and he didn’t know what kind of plans I had today.
My ex is also the type that has never paid child support willingly and for the past 5 years, I’ve been working with the state to get child support from him and still to this day have no luck with that.
I told him if he had a problem with what I dress our son in he could actually pay some child support and I would buy him all the clothes in the world. I also told him he had no idea what my plans were with my son but whatever makes him feel like less of a piece of crap.
He laugh-reacted to my text and that was that.
So, what do you think? AITJ for calling names or is it well deserved?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What shoes did he have on when he went there and why weren’t they put on to come back?
Your ex is a major jerk and so is his partner. They’re mistreating your son. Keep records and proof of EVERYTHING. What’s your custody arrangement, is it legally drawn or something you came up with together, not including the courts?
The state obviously isn’t trying hard enough or his wages would be garnished or he’d be in jail. Get a lawyer, a good one, I’m sure there are pro bono ones available who would love to rip into him or even willing to wait for payment until you win the case… you’ll get every penny of owed child support and things will be made right.
Stay strong mama and don’t fall for his manipulative nonsense.” Lovely_Rae
Another User Comments:
“Honestly everyone sucks here.
I think you guys are both being pretty petty. You need to realize he’s always going to be petty.
I really don’t think the shoe thing is something to get in a fuss about. (also I’m confused, where were the shoes you dropped him off in?)
Stick to enforcing the basics: make sure he pays you child support, and make sure he treats your child well when he is with him.
Outside of that you gotta let this go.” Dry-Expression
Another User Comments:
“Oh, he sounds delightful. You are not overreacting, this is a safeguarding issue – you do not send a child outside in winter without shoes, no matter the reason.
The fact that your ex sees slighting and gaslighting you as more important than his child’s well-being is appalling. Keep a written record of every interaction you have with your ex. Screenshot every conversation.
Be able to prove to a third party that he is doing this. I’m sorry, but you are going to have to fight him for the basic child support your child is entitled to.
If you can get a lawyer, do so and let them deal with the deadbeat. NTJ.” Night-Frost55
6. WIBTJ If I Stop Cooking For My Brother?
“I (14F) have an older brother (17M), ‘Lucas’. For context, I live in a household with seven people, my grandparents, parents, and two siblings (13F, my other sibling, isn’t involved).
Because there are seven of us, we each cook a meal one day a week and have family dinners most days. My day is Wednesday, and Lucas’ is Friday. Lucas is scheduled (he has a job at a restaurant) to work on Fridays most nights.
He claims he doesn’t have any control over it, but I doubt it.
Lucas has a massive sweet tooth. Anything chocolate will be eaten in two to three days at our house, even if no one else eats any of it.
This has been going on for years. My grandma stopped buying sweets for several months because they wouldn’t last a week, and my mom only buys them if someone specifically asks. I, on the other hand, don’t eat very many sweets.
Generally, I prefer to eat stuff like apples or carrots for a snack instead of ice cream or cookies. This is to show the contrast. I’m just not a huge sugar fan, and his being one isn’t the conflict.
I like to cook things sometimes beyond that. Generally sweets or muffins. I decided the other day to try a recipe in a cookbook, for chocolate chip cookie bars. It’s chocolate chip cookies in a pan, and it’s delicious according to my whole family.
I love doing stuff like this since there are not a lot of sweets in our house and I like to treat my family.
There’s a bit of buildup to this, but I’ll try to keep it brief.
I absolutely love gummy bears, so sometimes I’ll get some if we’re at a store. I’ll put the snack in my room and eat it a little at a time.
When I got home from school, my snack wasn’t in my room.
This has happened before so I went into the living room and it was on the couch by Lucas. I asked him to replace it since it was almost completely full when I left it the day before.
He said he would.
It took three months for it to be replaced, and his partner had to do it since he wouldn’t. Lucas had charged me interest on the funds I borrowed from him so I thought he’d be quick.
I was upset, but I let it go.
I’ll offer Lucas some of my lunch when I make it (because he won’t cook for himself). Usually, he won’t even watch the pot for a minute or two so it doesn’t boil over when I go to the bathroom.
I also generally get very little of what I make.
Then, I made the cookie bars. I decided to make some muffins for us to eat for breakfast when school starts again. I was doing dishes when Lucas came in to get a cookie bar.
I asked him to only get one. He yelled that I wasn’t in charge of him and was being all high and mighty about making it. Then he left.
Just now I checked how many were left. I cut it into twenty-four pieces so I was expecting a fair few to be left over.
There are three left. I’d asked everyone to just have one at a time, but I had no hope for Lucas to listen.
So, I’m obviously annoyed at this point. I’m thinking about not cooking when he asks.
I’m sick of this. Would I be the jerk if I didn’t cook for him anymore?
Edit: I am definitely going to stop cooking for him; he’s seventeen and can do it himself.
As for the idea of putting laxatives in something, there aren’t any in my house and there’s no way my parents would let me get them at the store since I can’t drive myself anywhere yet.
Also, sugar-free Haribo exists? I didn’t know that, I’ve never seen them before.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Stop cooking for him. If you want to make treats for everyone, do it when he’s working on Fridays.
Then, hide whatever isn’t finished.
My husband occasionally raids the kitchen like a raccoon with a tip on a famine, but he only eats what’s front-facing. If there’s something I really don’t want him to eat, I put it behind labor-intensive things and he never touches it.
Even though he knows I do it. (He replaces whatever he eats and cooks with me, it’s all male appetite, no malice.)
Your brother is a jerk with an appetite, stop accommodating him and make it hard for him to access your snacks.
If needed, I’d consider asking your parents to designate one cabinet or cubby to you that you can lock.” YinzerChick70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Buy some sugar-free gummy bears and ‘hide’ them in plain sight.
Try to make sure he doesn’t eat them on a day he’s working, though. He’ll eat them and the results will likely keep him from taking (stealing) your sweets ever again.” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. This conflict sounds totally manageable, but not until he learns to have a little more respect for you. It sounds like you do a lot for the family and he kind of takes advantage of it.
The main thing that stuck out to me was eating all of your gummy bears, that you spent money on, and then charging you interest on the funds you borrowed. I don’t think you owe him anything, and until he learns to respect you, you shouldn’t have to do anything.” shannonkauber
5. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Sob Post On Social Media?
“This year marked the first Christmas since my father passed away after a brief battle with cancer. He passed away in October.
Our family’s tradition has been to spend Christmas Eve with my parents.
We all knew this would be a hard year for all of us, but especially my mom. My younger sisters (37 and 39) and I discussed how important it was for us all to be there and agreed on the time and the food we would bring.
My middle sister, however, began seeing a guy right around the time my dad passed away. After we made our plans, He invited her to his family’s for Christmas Eve and she decided to do that instead of spending the evening with us as planned. She went so far as to tell us she didn’t want us to do any of the things we traditionally did because she didn’t want to miss them.
My youngest sister, my mom, my husband, and I were all very upset but we couldn’t talk her into changing her mind. At one point she said she didn’t want to miss spending her first Christmas Eve with him.
On the morning of Christmas Eve, she posted on social media that she was sad to be spending the first Christmas Eve since my dad passed away from her family. By the time I saw her post, more than a dozen people had commented offering sympathy and concern.
She had replied to all of them basically making it seem like it was not her choice. This is where I might be the jerk. I commented, ‘We are all here at Mom’s.
You could come here instead of going to your new partner’s house.’ (I admit, my wording was intentional and perhaps petty.
EDIT: I went and looked at my exact wording. I said ‘We are all here at Mom’s.
You can still change your mind and come here.’
Ten minutes later my sister called my mom sobbing, complaining that I was being mean to her and making her look bad. After my mom got off the phone, she knew I had heard through the speaker (we were both in the backseat while my husband was driving).
Before I could say anything, my mom said, ‘You should have just let it go.’
I was really angry but have been through enough therapy to have learned when to keep my mouth shut, but my other sister jumped in and railed that my middle sister was a real piece of work and had chosen a new guy over her family when we need each other the most.
The whole rest of the evening was awkward because we couldn’t do any of our traditions and my youngest sister couldn’t control her rage at my middle sister and frequently muttered about her under her breath.
Later, my mom said I should have just let it go so that no one was upset that night.
AITJ?
Edit: in case it matters, my middle sister and I are fine. We spent Christmas at her house and hung out for a few days after the holidays.
I guess I’m here trying to figure out what my therapist is going to say next week.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
So, from what I understand: Your sister decided to spend Christmas at her partner’s, expected you to change your traditions because of it, and then posted comments that implied you excluded her?
No, you’re definitely NTJ for calling her hypocrisy out.
It looks like your younger sister is correct, she is a piece of work. That level of entitlement and hypocrisy is concerning. She should’ve learned that the world does not revolve around her.
It’s understandable that your mother does not like to deal with all that stuff, but that does not mean you have to accept your sister’s public badmouthing.” dhippo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your sister is a jerk for making a post about how sad she is to miss Xmas with her family when she chose not to.
You are a jerk for the petty comment on her post. You are all adults and can choose to spend the holiday however you want without guilt or condemnation from your family. The rest of your family could have had a good time without your sister but chose to focus on being angry at her absence instead.
What a waste of energy from everyone.” easterwest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The whole thing sounds really messed up. And you obviously didn’t do anything wrong. But from an outside perspective, it sounds like everyone is just having a really hard time, which is to be expected.
Your troublesome sister may be a jerk, or she may be less strong than you and struggling more than you know. Perhaps her post was sincere, albeit emotionally immature. Maybe she couldn’t bear a Christmas at home without your dad, but she also couldn’t bear the thought of you all celebrating without her.
It was unfair of her to insist on that last part, but try to be kind. It’s a really difficult time for all of you, and I’m sure everyone is doing the best they can.
I’m sorry for your loss.” Red-belliedOrator
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, your sister shouldn’t have been looking for sympathy from people online. But why did you want to go out of your way to hurt your sister?
I wonder if I’m the only one wondering if maybe she didn’t want to be around your family and spend the entire Christmas thinking that your father isn’t there. Very possible that she believed being with her partner was better for her mental health.” OneMikeNation
4. AITJ For Yelling At My Spouse To Do The Dishes?
“My (36, enby) spouse (36M) and I have a 15-year relationship, are very much in love, with very few conflicts but this is a repeated one. Every time it comes up, it makes me angrier and angrier.
I’m open to the fact that this makes me the jerk.
I’m the primary cook in the house. We have an agreement that whoever cooks, the other cleans up. There’s some flexibility and we’ve both let dishes sit overnight.
If I’m having a hard time I ask him if he can help. He often does.
Thing is, if it goes beyond a day for him, he’ll never ask for help. So I’ll ask him if he can do the dishes, and his response is ALWAYS defensive.
‘But I put this dish and this dish in the dishwasher’ and then when I remind him that I cooked, he cuts me off and repeats his list of dishes he washed that day.
Ok, so now the conflict: We had a small NYE party and I made a spread. We were both exhausted after, so no one did the dishes that night. Fine. Yesterday he did a few in the morning and ran the dishwasher, which I’d helped load.
We have a small dishwasher so not everything fits. So there’s still a sizable pile of dishes, and we left them for this AM. I woke up early and washed the majority of the dishes.
Came back to bed and he asked me to make pancakes. Said I was too tired. Also mentioned there are still more dishes to do. So after lunch, he empties the dishwasher and puts in a few dirty glasses.
The pile is still there.
Fast forward to this evening. I want to cook dinner so I ask him to do the rest of the dishes. ‘But I emptied the dishwasher and loaded it!’ So I’m about to lose it because it’s this line again, but I try and calmly say ‘I washed the dishes this morning even tho I cooked all that food for the party’—he cuts me off about 4 words in and starts listing the exact dishes he loaded, all of which were water glasses and had nothing to do with the party.
It’s been a long couple of days so now I do lose it, and I SHOUT at him that I’m sick of him saying this every time and why can’t he just do the dishes when I’m the one who cooked and is trying to cook again in a clean kitchen?
I shut myself in another room because I realized I’m too angry to be around him right now; yelling really triggers him. I heard him washing dishes while I’m in here and I feel like a huge jerk.
So yeah, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband used to pull this nonsense too. Loading the dishwasher is not the same as doing the dishes/cleaning the kitchen. If there are still dirty dishes, then no you don’t get credit.
The dishwasher is the bare minimum for getting the dishes done. There are things that can’t go into the dishwasher, and sometimes not everything fits. He needs to actually DO THE DISHES – which means getting ALL of the dishes clean.
Not fiddling with the dishwasher and walking away.” Padloq
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Neither of you is communicating well. Your partner is leaving you to bear the burden of either cleaning yourself or monitoring him as he does so, which is exhausting and unfair to you.
You already know that shouting at him is inappropriate. Sit down and discuss this rationally with him (without the pressure of heightened emotions), and move forward from there.” bethfromHR
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I (27M) have the exact same agreement as my fiancée (28F).
I’m the primary cook in our household, and she cleans up after me. It works out fine, and we don’t have any problems with it. Cooking can be a time-consuming pain in the butt, and cooking takes significantly longer than the 5-10 minutes needed to wash some dishes, glasses, silverware, etc. No offense, but your spouse seems pretty lazy here, and he expects you to cook and produce, but is unwilling to put forth the minimal effort to clean.
You’re not the jerk here, and he should probably learn to carry his weight in the relationship.” JohnsRoastPork
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, you shouldn’t have to ask for help as he’s not five and you asked twice already.
You shouldn’t have shouted which you know.
I think you need a convo with lots of ‘I’s in. ‘I felt very frustrated as I had already asked and felt I had contributed to the party a lot already by cooking.
I am sorry for shouting.’ Then he apologizes and done.
However, if you have to ask him to do things a lot I think you would need to sit down and have a conversation about different standards of cleanliness and how you can work a way where you do an equal share.
This will require compromise on your side too e.g. if you say I would like the hoovering done once a week you don’t get a day on when he does it.” popcorndragon93
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be In The Delivery Room When My Cousin Gives Birth?
“My cousin (26F) and I (20M) are not that close, (we used to spend a lot more time together when we were younger) but we’ve lived in the same town for 2 years now, so we have seen each other occasionally.
She now is currently 7 months pregnant and the father of the baby isn’t around, so I offered her my support and tried to make things a bit easier for her over the last couple of weeks.
Now here’s the thing, the rest of her family all live at least a couple thousand miles away, and won’t be able to travel here on time to be with her when she is going to give birth.
So my aunt (her mom) recently called me and asked me if I would be ok with being in the delivery room with my cousin so that someone she knows is there with her.
I was honestly kinda shocked that my aunt would even ask me this and told her that I’m absolutely not up for it. In my opinion, giving birth is such an intense and intimate experience, and I feel like it would be inappropriate for me to be there when we are not even that close.
Now everyone in my family is mad at me, and my dad told me to ‘man up’ and asked me if I was gonna behave like this with my future wife, but I feel like that’s a completely different situation.
I asked my cousin what she thinks about all of this, and she said that she would like me to be there, but she also understands if I don’t want to. My family won’t stop giving me trouble about it and I’m really starting to feel bad about it now, but I also feel like they’re not in their right minds for not seeing how wrong and kinda creepy all of this is.
I feel like I’m going insane right now, so please tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but think for a bit if you want her alone if something goes wrong. Labor can take a long time and there are lots of things to keep track of.
Maternal mortality rates go down when there’s a support person. I happen to agree that it’s creepy with other people who aren’t the SO or the medical team in the room. That said the process is only fast if you’re very very lucky or very unlucky.
I suspect that’s the real reason your family is pushing it.
My suggestion to you would be to hang out with her during the labor part and go to the waiting room or outside her room during checks on her dilation etc and during the part of the process where people are telling her to push.
Or cutting her open if the fetal heart rate drops or is breech or gets stuck on the pelvic bone. At that point, she’ll have a medical team in the room with her to keep track of potential problems and you wouldn’t be in the way.
She gives birth, more medical stuff happens, and she holds the baby for the first time all without you. At some point, she’ll be back in a state where the nurses are ok leaving her with someone who can yell for them if she has an unexpected complication (passes out).
After the delivery is when things tend to get dangerous. People start focusing on the newborn and forget that mom is at risk of bleeding to death or developing post eclampsia or, or, you get the idea.
She doesn’t need emotional support from you. She needs someone who will advocate for her if it goes south. It doesn’t need to be you though.” mipmipmip
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for calling your cousin’s wish for support ‘wrong and kinda creepy.’
You don’t have to do it and that’s fine; the person in question isn’t pressuring you to. But your cousin is alone and probably terrified about both her future and the incredibly painful, risky medical event she no longer has a choice about.
There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with her looking for support wherever she can find it. There’s nothing ‘creepy’ about holding someone’s hand when they are in pain and scared. ‘Creepy’ is such a nasty word too.
What do you think your cousin is going to do to you while she’s pushing a baby out of her? Is all the b***d and fluid and stuff supposed to be naughty or i********s?
No. Stop being ridiculous.
If you don’t want to help her, that’s ok…but that’s on you, not on the situation (which is medical) and not on your cousin (who has totally reasonable wishes and is respectful of the decision).
In your shoes, someone else who was less squeamish or less concerned about what they think others think would step up. I’d do it for her, and I’m an internet stranger.” effthatnoisetosser
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your aunt, her mom, cared that much then she’d bring her butt into town about a week before her due date and stay until the baby comes.
As others have suggested she can get a doula.
Also, why does she live in a town where she has no one? Not a friend or anyone? Very strange.
Your family is giving you trouble about this. Next, it’ll be that you aren’t your cousin’s full-time babysitter whenever needed.
Stand firm on this. Also… your future wife and future child should be your first experience with labor and delivery. Your family is trying to away something very special from you and your future family.
Tell your dad he can man up and come stay with his niece while she pushes a human out of her.” Lovely_Rae
2. AITJ For Snapping At My Half-Sister When She Called Me By My Nickname?
“I (18F) have 2 full-blooded siblings, an older sister Talia (22), a younger brother Micah (15), and an older half-sister Lisa (26).
I’m very close with both of my full-blooded siblings and none of us are close to Lisa. We found out about her existence about 8 years ago – our dad and her mom went out and broke up, then our dad met our mom a few weeks later.
Her mom didn’t tell our dad about her and none of us knew until Lisa turned 18 and found her dad on social media.
Our mom never stopped our dad from having a relationship with her, and dad and Lisa get along pretty well but said she doesn’t want to know her at all.
Our parents also fought about whether or not we should be allowed to get to know her but stopped because we told them we weren’t interested. Before 2020, we would see her every few months at various family events with dad’s family and we just never clicked. She’s so different from us – part of it is her mom is from a very loud culture and our mom is from a very quiet culture – but she’s not someone I’ve ever felt like I could be friends with, let alone treat like a sibling.
It just feels like she’s someone we have to tolerate.
So, this situation came about because we spent New Year’s Eve with some of dad’s family and Lisa was there. She overheard Talia use my nickname and then followed us around for a while using the nickname.
Talia came up with my nickname when we were little – it’s a combination of my first and middle names and in our mom’s native language, Talia made up a funny rhyme to go along with it, kind of like a little poem or tongue twister.
It’s special to me, only Talia and Micah use it. Lisa doesn’t speak the language and I just got so annoyed with her that I told her she sounded like a stupid parrot and that only my real siblings got to call me it.
This upset her and she cried loudly about it. I didn’t mean to make her cry, but she’s so presumptuous and annoying, I hate having to pretend to like her, and I don’t understand why she keeps trying to get close to us when we’ve been clear that we don’t want to be close.
Talia and Micah are on my side and say that she has never taken any of our hints or respected our boundaries over the past 8 years so I’m justified in what I said to get her to back off, but dad thinks it was too far.
AITJ for what I said?
Edit: to be clear, we have spent time with her. We’ve told her in the past we’re not interested in having a relationship with her. Getting to know her at family functions has not changed any of our minds.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting her to use your nickname but honestly you, your siblings, and mom sound toxic.
Your dad didn’t have an affair and none of this is Lisa’s fault.
She spent 18 years wanting her dad… so much so that when she turned 18 she found him. Imagine what that must’ve been like for her and then she’s shunned out by her dad’s family..
for what reason exactly? All of you said from the beginning you didn’t want anything to do with her before you even knew what kind of a person she was.
She’s different – fine.
She has a different culture than you – fine. She’s not someone you’d be friends with – fine. (Which I’m really curious as to how much of this is legit and how much of it was predetermined before even meeting her since you said no one wanted anything to do with her from the jump.) But none of this means you, your siblings, and your mom shouldn’t respect her.
You sound like a bunch of mean girls.” Lovely_Rae
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – it’s just a name. She’s trying to bond with you and you’re just excluding her purposefully. She’s a single child who has found out she has siblings.
She sees the relationship you all have and wants the same – is that too hard for you to understand? You acted childish saying you’re ‘real siblings’ – she’s related to you by your dad so like it or not she is a half sibling and it’s not her fault.
You say she never took your ‘hints’ or ‘respected boundaries’ but it doesn’t even sound like you had a spoken conversation where you set your boundaries out loud to her. How is she meant to know?
You want clear boundaries, then set them and don’t leave it up to hints and assumptions.” Dramatic-Dish8009
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are most certainly NTJ.
First of all, you’re right in the fact that you do not owe her a sibling relationship even more so considering she came on later.
As long as you did not go out of your way to verbally/physically attack her the last 8 years with no provocation then don’t see why you owe her more than that.
The internet in general likes to preach about boundaries and I’ve seen stories similar to this where OP does not share any love for their half or steps.
Family is who you make it. If a child can consider someone who raised them or the people that they grew up with surrounded by love as their REAL family as opposed to the bio family.
Then I see no reason why it’s wrong for you not to consider Lisa as your real family. You did not grow up together. Yes, you’ve known each other for 8 years but you and your sibs were 7-14 years old and she was already 18 years old.
So old enough to make your own decisions. For you and your siblings, she was a stranger and there was no place for her in your own sibling dynamics. Still isn’t. She is older she isn’t a younger child where you may have had 9 months to get adjusted or get used to the idea and bond.
A full-grown woman was thrown into your laps and you 3 made the decision not to have a relationship. Which is fair and within your right.
As long as you do not interfere with her relationship with your dad then I don’t see any issues with you and your mum keeping your distance.
You guys grew up differently and yea I don’t see why people are so outraged that her loud personality background is something you don’t like. Different personalities are totally okay. Don’t like it keep your distance which is what it looks like you’ve tried to do.
Yes, rejection hurts so I feel bad for her but after being repeatedly told to leave you alone? Yikes, it’s giving me flashbacks to my primary school self desperate for validation and love.
Cringing.
Anyways that’s on her. you haven’t made it a secret that you want nothing to do with her. So any reactions to her trying to force her way into your space are warranted. Especially again at her age, she’s not a 10-year-old child wanting to play with her older half-sibs.
She’s 26.
Unless she’s intellectually or socially challenged dunno why she thinks using your nickname is okay and then cries about it when you make your feelings on the matter known.
Your text does come off arrogant which is probably why you got the response that you did I see it as frustration.
Lisa should focus on her relationship with her father and whoever else wants to have one with her but this does not include you guys and your mother. Don’t chase after people who don’t love you and all that
As long as you and your siblings aren’t a posse of bullies then see no reason why you are a jerk.” Night_Shade_Lotus
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. This was heartbreaking to read.
As someone with 4 half-siblings, each a pair biologically related to the other, I couldn’t imagine them shunning me just because I didn’t grow up with them. I would probably cry too if any of them told me that I’m not a ‘real sibling’.
Sure, she shouldn’t have used your nickname. But she absolutely did it because she wanted to connect with you.
You aren’t a jerk for not wanting to be close to her, but you are a jerk for the way you spoke to her.
She grew up differently than you and wanted her dad. She might not be a model addition to your ‘perfect family’ but she’s your family. And maybe one day, even if you don’t like her, you will be able to accept her.
Just remember, you never even gave her a chance. You saw that your dad had another child, and seems like you and your siblings (and your mother!) immediately went into defense mode and shut her out as much as you could.” salsa_bread_relish
1. WIBTJ If I Ask My Neighbor To Tone Down Her Kids' Noise?
“Like many college students, I will be doing part, if not all, of my winter quarter online. My main problem with this setup is that my neighbors have extremely loud kids (3 boys & 1 girl, between 8-13 yo) that love to yell every time they are outside.
The beginning of 2020 was an absolute nightmare because it happened every day. It is impossible to move to a different room because I’m already in the furthest room possible, and I can still hear them when I’m wearing earphones.
It makes it hard for me to listen and pay attention to my lectures.
During the summer months, the children were playing outside almost every day with the screams that seem to accompany them wherever they go.
They also have gotten into the habit of tossing balls and other toys over the fence, running over to bang on my front door to get the toys that they tossed over. And then they get mad when we can’t find the stuff they threw over.
They also like to play baseball in their yard, and we have found multiple baseballs in our yard, and now my mom is a little hesitant to go outside because she is worried she might be injured by one of these balls when she is outside.
WIBTJ if I asked my neighbor to be more mindful that people are either going to school or working from home and it’s hard to do that successfully if we can hear the constant loud shrieks of children in the background.
I’m also not sure how to approach them, I’m a nonconfrontational person, so I was planning on sending the mom a text, but I’m unsure how that would be perceived.
I’m not telling the neighbor to shut her kids up and not let them play outside, only to be more mindful of how loud they are.
I completely understand that kids need to run around and have fun, and they are on their property, so they are allowed to do whatever they want. However, it is important to remember that there are people in their houses that don’t appreciate loud noises daily.
I feel like I might be the jerk because I’m asking strangers to moderate their children’s behavior and sending a text might be too hands-off.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ if you politely asked if they could be quieter during certain hours.
Kids are kids, and depending on your area’s laws they may or may not be violating noise ordinances. If you have a somewhat friendly relationship, I would let the mom know your approximate class schedule and ask if the kids can have inside time or quieter outside activities during that time.
If you frame it in the context that you have to work from home due to the crisis, people are more likely to understand. She’s likely had to deal with a lot of new pressures too with the global crisis and having kids home from school, so may be more sympathetic to you asking for reasonable considerations.” Meggers26
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ for asking them to be quieter when outside, yes. It’s, unfortunately, a part of having neighbors and living in any kind of built-up area. Screaming and playing in their own backyard is a completely normal way for kids to blow off energy.
HOWEVER – constantly having things come over your fence to the point of people being worried about going outside for fear of a wayward baseball would be absolutely a reasonable thing to talk to them about NOT doing.
There is a difference between an occasional stray ball and a constant.
I live right next to a family with 3 kids (all of the kids are completely off the hinges rats imo) but in 5 years I have only had 1 item come to my side of the fence.” Acedia_spark
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you sent your neighbor a text telling her to make her kids quieter when they are outside. However, if you went over and asked that they not knock on the door to get things they tossed into your yard because you’re in class and it’s disruptive, that would be more polite and might help with both issues.” coldgator
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Being noisy in the daytime on their own property isn’t bad behavior. Playing outside is great for kids, amazing for their brain and body development, as well as helps in regulating their emotional state, improves sleep quality, and basically helps to prevent a lifetime of problems from being sedentary.
I can’t even fathom wanting to tone that down for someone else’s temporary benefit.
Invest in some decent noise-canceling headphones, a heavy pair of curtains to block the noise, and a white noise machine.” Braign
