People Feel Wronged In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
26. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Sister Move Back In After She Left Me To Pay Full Rent?
“I (22F) moved out with my (18F ) younger sister 4 months ago.
A little back story, we come from a dysfunctional family and my younger sister was depressed and unhappy living with my parents. I’ve always been there for her emotionally, physically, financially, and more before I started college.
I told her to start saving money so we can move out together because she works.
Now: I recently transferred college and moved away so I took my sister with me and we agreed she would pay half the rent. Our rent is 1,400 for a 2bd apartment.
She had a hard time finding a job so I covered for her for the first 2 months. Fast forward to now, she sent me a text saying she has gone to live with her partner because she doesn’t like living paycheck to paycheck and that she wants to spend more time with him.
I didn’t freak out on her and just let her know to send me the money I paid to cover her rent twice. She gets angry when I ask her for money and claims I should care more about her. I got mad and blocked her and she reached out to my partner to try and talk to me.
I ignore her. I am a student who works part-time to cover my expenses and now I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. I am very hurt by her actions because I’ve always been there for her as an older sister and a friend.
A couple of days went by and she texted my partner again saying she was not happy in her relationship and she wanted to come back or have the chance to come back. I said not, even if I have to figure things out myself.
Any advice and am I the bad person here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is not a reliable roommate and it sounds like she doesn’t want to be. She just wants a crash pad. It’s up to you to decide if you want to allow her to occasionally stay with you when she’s on the outs with her partner, but you have no obligation to let her back in as a roommate.
Especially since she hasn’t paid for the time she already spent there.” frauleingitte
Another User Comments:
“Has your sister paid you back what she owes you? You are 22, in school, and working. You are trying to get ahead in life. It sounds like your sis is 18 and working but not in school.
Your sister needs to figure out what it is she wants. it is hard to be on your own, particularly if your home life isn’t great. She can have the chance to come back, but you need to set the conditions, define the boundaries that will work for you, and help your sister mature.
Paying rent on time is one example. NTJ” Aggravating-Pain9249
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she left you in the lurch having to cover her rent (that’s without the fact that she owes you rent), she doesn’t appear to have shown any regard for the position she left you in.
In my opinion, you need to decide if you want a relationship with her moving forward, if you do calmly explain to her the burden all of this has put on you – I know she’s an adult but she’s very young so she might not see the consequences of her actions.
But under no circumstances let her move back in with you if she hasn’t paid you back or won’t be able to pay her way in the future.” bramblefirespooks
25. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate About Her Spending Habits And Late Payments?
“My (25F) roommate (25F) is not very responsible. Let’s call her Mary.
Mary is always complaining about how she is low on money and struggling. I feel for her, I do, but it seems like every day she is ordering DoorDash and/or ridiculous things she doesn’t need from Amazon.
Everything is in my name – rent, utilities, internet, etc. Mary doesn’t always pay me on time, and so I have to cover everything with my own money.
Sometimes it will take her weeks to pay me back. It’s starting to make me resent her.
I’ve told her over and over again that I need the money on time because it isn’t fair that I should have to cover her for nearly every bill.
She always tells me she understands and will try to do better. Well, at the beginning of the month, it was time to pay our rent. When I asked Mary for her half, she told me that she didn’t have the money yet and that she would pay me soon.
I finally snapped and said, “Well maybe if you weren’t ordering food and buying frivolous things every day you’d be able to pay me on time.”
She got SO angry and told me that it was none of my business. I told her that she NEVER pays me on time, and should be smarter with her money when she knows she has a roommate counting on her.
I said she should’ve stayed living with her parents if she didn’t have the means to move out.
We barely speak now. We’re like strangers living together. We were good friends before roommates, and I’m afraid things will never be the same.
I know I might be a jerk because I could have gone about this conversation in a better way. I could have sat her down to have a serious discussion instead of bringing up her spending habits. I just lost it.
By the way – still haven’t gotten this month’s rent from her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her spending habits do concern you because that’s money she owes you and it’s going to those other things. It’s time to talk to her and tell her you will be looking for another roommate if she can’t pay on time.
Tell her you’re done paying her way and you want your money now.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- actually it is your business. She’s using you as a payday loan service, and having you cover her bills. If she had to use credit- she’d be forced to pay interest on that.
This fundamentally MAKES it your business, because she refuses to pay you back on time. Could you have approached this more delicately? Probably. Doesn’t matter or make you wrong though. If she refuses to pay you and isn’t on the lease, can you ask her to leave?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normally, her spending habits would be none of your business, but since she keeps delaying her payments, it has become your business. She made it so. She’s living large and you gotta pay for her bills? No way. Tell her you’re gonna kick her out and find a new roommate if she delays again.” Red-Octopus91
24. AITJ For Supporting My Nephew's Dream To Become A Chef Despite My Brother's Disapproval?
“My brother has been in prison for three years now and will be out in two. At first, he was happy with the updates on how my nephew(14) was doing. Good grades in every subject, no particular plan for the future, devotes equal amount of time to his humanities and sciences.
Basically a well-rounded student.
Two months ago we were watching Masterchef together when he turned to me and said ‘Uncle, I wanna do that one day.’ I told him if he practices a lot then he could get on a competitive cooking show himself one day but he said he wants to have his own restaurant and cook those fancy meals.
Full-time job, not just as a contestant on a show. He also said that maybe one day he will be the Prime Minister’s personal chef. Said he’s been thinking about it for some time but wasn’t sure if I’d be supportive.
I got him a cookbook to get started and have also been paying for cooking classes on the condition that he does not neglect school studies, and he has been keeping his end of the bargain.
When I visited my brother yesterday and told him about it though, he was not happy.
We were just catching up, with him asking me how our parents were doing and me assuring him that they are in good health, and asking if he wants more money for commissary et cetera.
Then I told him that the kid wants to be a pro chef and has been taking classes.
I told him about how passionate my nephew is and he said that I ‘shouldn’t let him get too carried away’ and should ‘be realistic.’
I haven’t told my nephew that it will betought to succeed to the extent that he is dreaming of, thinking it better to let him dream big and work hard.
My brother said that I’m being too optimistic and that I should tell my nephew that things might not work out so spectacularly.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is wonderful when a kid has a passion and a goal! Who cares whether he ends up owning a restaurant or cooking for the prime minister?
Maybe he will. Or maybe he will just learn to be a great chef who makes awesome meals someday for his wife and kids, and yes, maybe even his skeptical father. What would be so bad about that?” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If your nephew enjoys it and it’s something he’s interested in, what’s the harm??
He may end up pursuing this as a career…He may not I mean let’s face it, Most of us aren’t what we said we would be at age 14 I’m sorry but if your brother was irresponsible enough to end up in prison, has made poor life choices, and put his child through that kind of trauma I don’t think he should be trying to influence his son on anything” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a chef and have buddies who have been on Top Chef, Chopped, Netflix, etc. It’s not an inconceivable goal by any means whatsoever. It’s extremely achievable. I know chefs who worked as private chefs for billionaires in the Hamptons.
That’s also not an inconceivable dream either. It’s very attainable. You don’t even need to go to an expensive culinary school to do it. I never went to culinary school and I worked for several Michelin-starred and James Beard-winning chefs. If he shoots for the moon and lands among the stars (learns to cook for himself, and impress his partner and friends with his skills) that’s still a win.
He may change his mind later but learning the culinary arts can satisfy his creativity in life and provides a useful skill, no matter what direction his life takes him. So yeah tell your brother to get a clue. Becoming a successful chef isn’t like trying to become Michael Jordan.
It’s very doable.” Lolalamb224
23. AITJ For Asking A Sick Woman To Move Her Walker So I Could Pass With My Baby Stroller?
“I was walking home from an errand with a sleeping baby in the stroller. I came across a woman sitting in front of her house in the middle of the sidewalk on her walker.
I didn’t see her until I was up close because it was at the end of a big turn and one side of the sidewalk was covered in shrubbery obstructing the view. When I saw her I stopped and looked around to see how I could pass through.
The woman saw me, gave me a dirty look, then went back to scrolling on her phone. I’m standing there, on one side of the sidewalk there are bushes and the other side is landscaped with rocks and plants. Her driveway ramp was right behind her but from my direction, I wasn’t able to access it.
I looked back and there wasn’t another driveway or crosswalk close by. With many cars parked on the street, I didn’t feel comfortable walking the baby in the middle of the road.
So I asked the woman if she would mind moving off to the side a bit so I could get through.
She gave me another dirty look said she didn’t mind and went back to her phone. I said she was in the middle of the sidewalk. And she yelled out “Other people just go around me but since you’re so insistent on me moving I’ll move”.
Then she stood up and moved two steps and I was on my way. I said thanks and have a good day. She said no I won’t and some other choice words. I told her I’m sorry she’s having a bad day and I hope it gets better.
She yelled, “I’m sick you should understand that”.
I feel bad making the sick woman move. If I had seen her earlier I would have crossed the street. But at that point, I would have had to walk an entire block back to cross the street and frankly, with her attitude, I just didn’t want to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you were not a jerk. She’s sitting in the middle of a public sidewalk in which there was no other way around her. She seems entitled and using her disability to justify illogical behavior and expectations, though perhaps she has some form of dementia which can affect cognition and personality.
I would not worry about it, and chalk it up to just things that happen. You treated her with kindness throughout when she did not do the same.” anitarielleliphe
22. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Leave My House Before My Baby Arrives?
“I F33 and my husband M32 are expecting our first child soon. My parents live out of state and have come to stay with us to be here when the baby gets here.
This is their first grandchild and they are very excited. My parents have a tight budget so I wanted for them to live here rent-free, have all the free food they want, and overall a stress-free lifestyle. In return, they wanted to help with the baby to alleviate some stress for us as well.
They are habitual smokers. They smoke multiple times a day, a piece. All I ask is that they do not do that in my house or around my baby. They also have pets. Their dog is not potty trained. I also requested that they just monitor for accidents.
They have been here for 2 weeks and have smoked INSIDE my house and their dog has left smelly surprises daily. My house currently smells like smoke and dog poop. They have also eaten my whole kitchen without saving me or my husband a crumb (we have since resolved the food issue).
My stepdad came down with the stomach bug at the same time as me. I offered to help him while I was sick. He decided to smoke in my house while he was sick and was upset that I still didn’t like him smoking in the house despite him not feeling well.
I too was sick and my OB ended up sending me to the triage at the hospital for an IV of fluids, Zofran, and baby monitoring. I come home to my house smelling like smoke and again, dog poop. Which made me feel sick all over again.
I am considering having them stay with someone else but I am afraid to damage our relationship as my stepdad already thinks I’m being unreasonable.”
Another User Comments:
“You can damage your relationship with them because they refuse to respect any rules or boundaries you set *in your own house.* or you can risk further damaging your health and damaging the health of your child.
Which do you think is more important? NTJ for wanting them out. You would be the jerk if you continue to expose your child to this, especially after the baby is born.” Izzy4162305
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kick them out now, kick them out yesterday, change the locks, keep them away from your kid.
Not against smoking, just against the rampant disrespect and inability to be responsible for themselves and their pet. Of course, they have a tight budget if all they do is buy and smoke (which is not cheap!!!) and sit around all day. They are not there to help you, they are there to leech off you and have you be their mom too.
To the curb with alacrity.” Footnotegirl1
Another User Comments:
“Remind me how they’re going to help with the baby when they can’t even take care of their dog and they’re high all day? Kick them out and move on. Your parents are infants and you will soon have your hands full of your newborn.
You and your husband are the only grown-ups in the house – so it’s time to take action against people who are taking advantage of you and would likely be negligent with your child, too. Pretty sad. Don’t listen to their tears – they are selfish and suck – and if they loved you at all, they would not act like this or think this is how you treat a new mom-to-be when she’s about to give birth!” AEM1016
21. AITJ For Urging My Mother To Be Financially Independent And Stop Relying On Me?
“I moved my mother and two younger brothers in with me from another state. I paid for the entire move, and we split everything in half. Her job was easily transferable because she worked for the federal government. I’m currently in school, and I’ve been urging my mother to progress in her career by going back to school part-time so that when I’m done with school, I move because this isn’t permanent.
She will have been promoted and make enough to survive without my financial help.
In the past, when I was going to school, she and her husband promised to help me financially when I needed it, not pay for school but little things. However, they got divorced not long after, and my mother started asking me for money, so I had to leave school.
I don’t bring it up to throw it in her face. I tell her I bring it up so that it doesn’t happen again and she won’t need to rely on anyone for financial help. However, she takes it as a personal attack, starts crying, and tells me that her life hasn’t been easy getting away from what I’m telling her to do.
I tell her, “Mom, the past is the past. Let’s move forward from that and not repeat it.” But she continues crying and tells me that I think she’s stupid and blame her for everything. It gets to the point that every time we discuss it, I say, “You know what?
You’re not getting what I’m saying, so let’s end the conversation here.” She then accuses me of constantly dismissing her and not caring about her.
I’m tired of this. It’s stressful, and when she can’t make it in the future, it always falls on me.
Growing up, I had to take care of my brothers, pick them up from daycare, and cook for everyone while she was constantly switching careers because she would have to leave due to her poor choices. I’m tired of playing the role of her son and husband.
This is just me complaining, and I apologize if it’s all over the place.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ cut the dependency now. Do you see what’s going on? You quit school, you paid for the move and unless you stop you will have to finance her for life.
She is manipulating you with the tears. Hun, your mom doesn’t want to be financially independent. She relied on her husband and now she intends to rely on you. So you need to let her know that you are moving on your own by a certain time whether or not she’s ready.
This is your notice to her and you are serious. Do not renew any leases in the premises you live in with her. Don’t get stuck. Let her figure it out because trying to help her in the process will get you nowhere. When the time comes, leave.
More likely than not she won’t be ready but you still leave OR you will be “son and husband” forever or until she can transfer that burden to one of your younger brothers.” RLS2023
Another User Comments:
“You told her. She heard you. She’s going to pinch you for money and support for as long as you allow it.
Make your plans and don’t think twice that it’s your responsibility to support her. She’s going to accuse you of abandoning her and your brothers when you move on, but she’s the one who failed to mind her business. Don’t worry; she’ll figure it out when the time comes and she will be fine.” RandoCollision
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…your mother and your siblings are not your lifelong responsibility. While I think it is good that you are encouraging her to do better in her career, you need to drive the point home that your assistance to her will not be forever.
Tell her to stop with the guilt trips. She can cry all she wants you. She is an adult. She is your parent. She is supposed to be the responsible one.” Worth-Season3645
20. AITJ For Not Helping My Housemate With Interview Prep Late At Night?
“My friend/housemate has an interview in 2 ish weeks, that she wants badly.
(I think she feels a bit insecure and nervous about it).
She asked me if I would help her go through some interview questions and help her with answers, which we did for about 20-30 minutes.
The next evening, we chilled in the living room just watching TV / chatting for a couple of hours.
I then said once it got to about 11 pm, that I was going to bed now as I needed to be up early tomorrow as I had loads of uni work to do. She then decides to say, oh but please can you do some interview prep with me before you go to bed?
I declined and said she had the last two hours whilst we were doing nothing to ask me that, where I would have said yes. But now I’m tired and going to sleep, but we can do it tomorrow. She said multiple times but it will only take 10/15 minutes to come on etc. I was firmly saying no as I was too tired, but promised we would tomorrow and walked upstairs.
She then came into my room to ask again lol, and when I said no again, told me that I am selfish and that I can never do anything for anyone (which I know is a feeling she has brought up to me before), and that I can’t even do something to help my friend out for 10 minutes.
For me, it was the principle that if it had been organized in advance, I would have done it. But she sprung it on me late at night as I said I was going to bed. And I also felt it was an unfair criticism to say I never help, as I helped the night before, said I would do it again tomorrow, but there was no appreciation for that.
But AITJ for not just running through her interview questions with her for 10 minutes before I went to bed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend/housemate sounds ungrateful and manipulative. “Nobody ever helps me.” Except you had the night before. And you offered to help the next day as well.
How rude! And then even after you said no, she comes and bugs you in your bedroom. No means no! How rude again! It’s none of my business, but if it were me, I wouldn’t help her again until she apologizes for being ungrateful and rude.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s got two weeks. You said you’ll help tomorrow. You did help yesterday. If she wants to work on it every day up until the interview, she can look up questions online. If she snarks and brings up the situation again, consider playing along and asking her this interview question (or a variation of it): “How do you deal with a coworker who insists on making you do work for them that is not part of their job duties, even after you’ve already set your boundaries and advised them that you can’t help them right at this moment, but you can schedule a time to help them tomorrow?” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your reasoning is correct. You don’t spend hours chatting away and then ask someone to do something for you just as they are going to bed. Her lack of gratitude for your past help, coupled with her lashing out at you, are reasons to tell her straight up to not bother to ask you for help again — as it doesn’t count when you do help as it’s forgotten the very next day.” kurokomainu
19. AITJ For Rating A Book Club Selection One Star?
“I (30F) am a co-host of a book club. Two of the other co-hosts are one of my close friends, who is just as active in the book club as I am, and a mutual friend, who over time has been evidently losing interest and only showing up/reading the book whenever she feels like it.
For context, this book club has operated on alternating nominations from all the members so everyone has had a say in what we read. This particular month, the mutual friend’s family member chose the book. To be frank, I hated the book. So did a handful of others that read it.
I try to remain neutral during meetings so I don’t complain about what I didn’t like, but I do rate the book honestly on our book club website.
I proceeded to rate the book 1 star when we were two weeks out from our meeting and I finished the book.
When the mutual friend noticed my rating, she came out the gate super aggressive asking why I would rate the book so low, and then sent several angry texts to the other co-host saying how much of a jerk move it is to give a rating that low and that “no one likes book club anymore” (funny enough that month’s meeting was the best attended meeting in a couple of months) and a whole slew of other complaints.
She claimed it wasn’t appropriate to give the book a rating so low. For clarity, she’s the only one who’s ever been offended when anyone hasn’t liked a book she (or her family member) nominated. Everyone else is aware it’s not a personal attack.
The whole thing baffles me because… that’s the point of a book club?!
We all have different opinions and the way she reacted, you’d think she wrote the darn book. I feel like we’re all entitled to like or hate a book. The whole encounter has honestly soured my opinion of her ever since.
I stopped providing my ratings until after the meetings because I don’t want this kind of drama again, but I have no idea where the outrage came from.
Am I missing something? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she wrote the horrible books herself she should limit herself to making the case for why she enjoyed them, not giving you grief for expressing your opinion. Is there anything else going on in the club that would make her feel picked on?
Is she substantially less articulate about literature, or does her taste run to romance while every one else is into classics (or vice versa) or anything else that would explain her taking your opinion so very hard? If so you might make it better by addressing it.
But in no case should she be shaming you for doing the exact thing book clubs are for.” Moderatelysure
Another User Comments:
“I think there’s a widespread “rating taboo” since the emergence of online ratings: on a scale from 1 to 5, 5 means acceptable or outstanding and 4 means just horrible.
I’m not from the US, but it seems similar to their tipping culture in some ways: horrible or normal service deserves at a minimum 20% or you are a bad-person… Similarly, if you give a 4 from 5 for above average service or product, you are just rude.
If you give a 3, you are trying to destroy reputations. If you give 1 or 2, you are on a mission to completely ruin someone. I think this is crazy, but it exists and the majority decides the meaning of ratings, not individuals. Also, NTJ.” wi11forgetusername
Another User Comments:
“What is your rating supposed to be? Is it “how much did I like this” or “how good is it?” I know what my tastes are, and I can tell you that there are plenty of popular books that I wouldn’t enjoy.
But I’m able to recognize a good quality book, even if it’s in a style I personally hate. So perhaps I’d give it a 4/5 for quality, but a 1/5 for how much I personally liked it. But really, the ratings are such a minor part of a book club.
The point, surely, is to discuss the book, analyze the characters and the tools the author uses, not just say “I liked it. 5/5. Pass the wine.” NTJ” _mmiggs_
18. AITJ For Being Upset That I Wasn't Invited To The Group Vacation I Suggested?
“So me and all of my friends are finishing up with college and stuff forever and it’s our first summer where we’re all 18. I’ve suggested ever since we were like 15/16 how cool it would be if we all went on holiday/vacation that sorta thing together and everyone’s been all for it.
Then this week whilst me and one of them are out the others start looking at places to go and flight prices. Me and the friend I was with found it cool cause we were just talking bout it. A few days pass and I get pulled to the side by that friend saying ‘I’m gonna be upfront a group chat was made with 8 of us called ‘girls trip’ and you aren’t in it and we’ve been looking and planning on going away for a week over summer I’m shocked like hurt by this and one of the reasons I was told I wasn’t invited got me confused.
Context I’m a gay man and have been friends with them all for like 5/6 years now, the reason I wasn’t invited is because they wanna wear bikinis in the pool and walk around in their pants without it being awkward. I’ve seen almost them all in the equivalent before and it’s never been an issue prior but I respect their opinions and said ‘ok that’s chill I mean I’ve wanted to go away as a group for ages so if that’s the issue myself and maybe other men in the group who weren’t invited could get a place together nearby that way we’re still on holiday together’.
We’re a big group and not everyone can be invited I get but I’ve asked for this for time suggesting it regularly and I just don’t get why I wasn’t invited”
Another User Comments:
“Although I find it beggars belief that they don’t want to be around you because of bikinis, YTJ.
I’m a straight woman; my best friend is a gay man. We have a pair of season tickets to our favorite sports team. When he wants to go on a guys’ trip with our mutual friends who are gay, I don’t whine about not being invited. If you planned an entire trip and had an itinerary for it, I might feel differently.
But you talked about it without setting up any plans for it, and they went ahead and planned an all-woman trip.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“It sounds strange that walking around in bikinis would be an issue in any way, so that’s probably just an excuse.
With that said, the girls have every right to do a girls-only trip if they want. And it doesn’t matter that you’ve been invited in the past. You’re a guy, and sometimes we just wanna do things without guys. I get that you’re upset that they didn’t include you tho.
It sucks even more that the guys *also* didn’t include you because they assumed you’d be with the girls. If none of the groups invite you after hearing about your current situation, they’re all pretty bad friends tbh.” ValerianMage
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not understanding that the girls want to go on a girl’s trip. It doesn’t matter that you suggested it, it matters that they’re not interested in having a man with them. You may get the same response from the guys. I’m sorry. Maybe they’re not the close friends you thought they were.
In college, I had a good friend who wanted to come to my city for the Purple Rain concert. She and a couple of other girls were driving down, staying at my parent’s house, and my dad and sister bought the tickets; it was hilarious because Dad wasn’t a concert guy. Chick ghosted me and 2 other girls came down.
My sister was always joining so it was me, my sister, and 2 girls I didn’t know as well.” Emotional_Bonus_934
17. AITJ For Hiding Ramen From My Cousin Who Eats At My House?
“I (27f) live in my mother’s (56f) house with my son (2m) I pay rent, and cell phone bill (mine and my mom’s), and I buy the groceries for our household. A little over a year ago my aunt (60s) and cousin (14) came to stay with us.
They stored their food in their room separate from ours. If my aunt cooked it was usually only enough for 2. If I cooked they would eat whatever I made but I didn’t mind because I always make more than we need. To make a long story short, they recently moved into their new home but my cousin still catches her bus here in the mornings and gets dropped off here after school, her mom picks her 45min to an hour later.
When I did the shopping on Saturday I bought a 6pack of ramen. We don’t eat ramen very often but I like to have it on hand in case we need a quick meal or a backup meal for my son who can be picky.
When I checked the pantry on Tuesday the box of ramen was half empty. I asked my mom and she hadn’t eaten any but said my cousin had asked for one the day before. This annoyed me, 3 packs in 2 days? I took the ramen and put it on the top shelf of the pantry semi-hidden behind the paper towels.
The next day I got home and she was eating another pack. That’s when I took the whole thing and put it in my room. The next day she looked and when she couldn’t find them she called my mom to let her know “we” needed her to get more because “we” were out.
I let her know there was Mac and cheese in the pot on the stove and chicken nuggets in the oven if she wanted some. She ate the Mac and cheese but my mom says I’m a jerk for hiding the ramen. My partner/son’s father feels I’m not wrong.
I personally just don’t know anymore, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but she’s old enough to be able to have a direct conversation with her instead of feeling like you need to hide food. Tell her that you’re happy to provide her with after-school snacks, but to please ask before taking something to make sure it’s not there for a planned meal later in the week.” Ajstross
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Let your mom stock the pantry for her sister and niece. Just so darn easy for Mom to say you’re a jerk for hiding YOUR Ramen. Okay, Mom. You buy Ramen for her. It’s not just the Ramen –it’s the principle of the thing.
Why does the niece feel entitled to raid the pantry? Entitlement is one of those bad attitudes a young person can develop. Your mom isn’t helping by allowing her niece to take it without asking –and makes it worse by suggesting you need to be the one to fund her entitlement.
Grandma is free to be the benevolent one if she wants to put HER money where her mouth is.” SleightofHand13
Another User Comments:
“Teenagers tend to be bottomless pits when it comes to food, ’cause they’re growing, and schools run at stupid hours. It’s normal for a teen to want to eat when they get home from school.
She’s spending an hour at your place before her mom collects her – she’s going to want to eat. It’s fine to “hide” an emergency stash of food that you don’t want to be in general circulation, but your family should plan to feed her when she gets home from school.
NTJ” _mmiggs_
16. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Choose An Acceptable Bridesmaid Dress Or Leave The Wedding Party?
“I 25F am getting married to my fiance 29M in May.
He owns a business and is rather wealthy. Our wedding is very important to both of us and we wanted it to be our dream. He wasn’t set on colors or themes, but I wanted to do a pearl color for my bride’s maids and wear a sapphire color because pearl is my birthstone and sapphire is his.
He liked the idea, and I had a custom wedding gown tailored. We also agreed that it would be a black-tie event.
My bride’s maids can pick from styles and stores I have approved of; my fiance has paid for the ones already purchased as well as custom-tailored suits for his groomsmen as he wants the wedding party to have luxe brands for their outfits, which was one of his only requests.
I have four bride’s maids. My Future SIL, my childhood best friend, my sister, and my cousin. My SIL, best friend, and cousin have selected dresses from the list and they look amazing! They all look so beautiful.
My sister found this dress of Shien.
I’ll be frank, it’s ugly, it’s not elegant, not formal, and not from a luxe brand. I told my sister we could go shopping for a better dress together and I showed her the list of 15 brands and about 50 styles that my fiance and I had approved. She said every single one of them is ugly and she wants what she wants.
I said unless she is going to pick an acceptable dress I have to let her go. She stormed out and texted me, telling me I’m a jerk and I don’t deserve to get married to my fiance. I feel like I could have been a jerk but I don’t know if I was.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is not *remotely* a dress suited for a formal wedding. I am shocked that she’s not jazzed to get a designer dress and that she doesn’t have to pay for it. I don’t know if there’s any wiggle room in branching out a teeny bit style-wise to get something she’s slightly more comfortable wearing in an acceptable color and brand, but also being a bridesmaid means not always getting to wear your ideal style or color and I don’t know why your sister doesn’t understand that.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your fiancé is paying for the insanely expensive bridesmaids dresses and she has multiple options to choose from but declares them “ugly” and wants to get some cheap crappy SHEIN dress that looks like a $20 dress you’d wear to a barbecue….then I’d kick her out of the bridal party because she seems not only petty but jealous.
It’s YOUR wedding, not hers, she’s lucky you even offered the many options, most people get less than 5 styles to choose from. No one else in the bridal party had an issue. Also who turns down Dior….for SHEIN?? That’s done on purpose so either she’s jealous or she does have THAT tacky taste.
Either way, it’s unacceptable as a bridesmaid.” deadlygummibear
Another User Comments:
“Your sister wants a dress. She can wear it all the time. And if he thinks the dress you picked is nice. She has no style. The friend’s dress fits your style. And if you and your fiance are willing to pay for the dress it doesn’t matter if it’s cheap or expensive, they’re not paying for it.
Stick to your guns and tell your sister to either pick another dress or you will replace her. Let her scream let her argue, but if you can’t follow simple rules then goodbye. You are not dressing these people as characters. You are not using them as props.
You want a beautiful wedding that might be a little over the top but if you could afford it, go for it. If you can’t follow your rules and your theme then stop her as a bridesmaid have her as a regular guest and move on NTJ” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Throwing A Baby Shower After My Baby Was Born And Kicking Out My Partner's Family For Insulting Me?
“I 24f suffered a cryptic pregnancy. I had no clue I was pregnant until a week before I went into active labor, I wasn’t aware of my symptoms and I didn’t gain barely any weight.
This was a complete shock to my partner & me and we could use the help of a baby shower extremely, and I thought it’d be a fun gathering as well. My daughter is a little over a month old, and I thought what the heck?
We threw one and invited family and friends.
At my baby shower I heard my partner’s mom talking with my partner’s sister about how we shouldn’t have kept this baby if we had to have a baby shower to get help, then talking down on my job (I work at Dunkin but my partner already has a career in place) and talking down on me in general. I’ve always had issues with my partner’s side of the family, my partner is the only boy with, a weird mindset on their side.
Anyway, I confronted her and said why doesn’t say it to my face, and how my baby would be well taken care of. She said it was weird I was having a baby shower after my daughter was born, that it sounded like it was more of a cry for help, and pathetic because of how stingy it was.
We got into a big argument and we were yelling in front of a crowd of my guests before my partner and I ended up having them leave. Later on, they were both spamming my partner’s phone saying how wrong he was for taking my side and that I needed to apologize, that it was their grandchild’s/niece’s baby shower and they deserved to be there.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Guests at your party can behave themselves they can be asked to leave. And this includes opinionated in-laws. And in-laws that don’t respect you can have greatly reduced, (or nonexistent ), access to your baby. And they don’t have to like it.
NTJ for standing up for yourself. Good for you, and good for your partner, too. And don’t apologize, it isn’t *you* that should apologize.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ people have baby showers specifically because babies are expensive. Almost everyone struggles to deal with a first baby especially.
They’re being ridiculous I’d cut them out until they apologize sincerely. Maybe not even then they have absolutely no right to an opinion on this to begin with never mind voicing that opinion publicly at a baby shower.” TheVaneja
Another User Comments:
“I don’t get it.
Would they have been ok if the shower happened before the baby was born or are they just flat out against the 2 of you having this child? I mean most people have baby showers to get the items they need for their baby (and some have a shower for each kid they pop out).
The same thing can be said for bridal showers. Some families have it after the baby is born for various reasons. I know a woman at work whose family is of Greek ancestry and they had her baby shower after her baby was born. It seems like they were just looking for something to be mad at.
Stop taking their bait and ignore their little quips, they might be looking to get a ride out of you to make you look like the bad guy. Do what’s best for you and your baby.” no_thanks_9802
14. AITJ For Going Out To Dinner Without My Step-Brother And His Family?
“For context, my dad remarried when I was 23 and I have three step-brothers. 20 years later, we are/were pretty close and our kids are cousins. Last Christmas we planned several family activities throughout the year for our parents because they wanted more family time.
One of those activities was getting family pictures together. We had planned to go out to dinner at a favorite restaurant after pictures, too.
About two weeks before the pictures (which were scheduled months in advance), my SIL informed us that her husband (my stepbrother) had planned a guy’s trip that weekend and we would have to reschedule.
After a lot of back and forth, we rescheduled the pictures (begrudgingly) but decided to keep the plans to go out to dinner. We invited SIL and niece to dinner and she was outraged that we would even consider going out to dinner without my stepbrother and his son (my nephew).
We insisted that it was *just* dinner and one that we hoped to do more in the future. We went anyway, even though it was clear she did not think we should.
More than 6 months later, they have completely cut us out of their lives.
My kids are devastated and miss their cousins. She feels like we owe her entire family apologies for not respecting their feelings/wishes. I’m not willing to apologize when I feel like I did nothing wrong by going out to dinner. I am willing to move on and make this a thing of the past, even though I feel like she owes us an apology for the way they’ve behaved over the last 6 months, but that’s not good enough for her.
I feel like they expect the family to revolve around them. I suspect that this is deeper than just dinner and they’ve always been jealous when other people get attention, but when I pressed her for more reasons, all she talked about was dinner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had plans in place that your brother decided weren’t important enough to keep. He doesn’t get to be upset when you still decide to have dinner together.” nixiedust85
13. AITJ For Demanding My Sister Replace The Expensive Markers She Ruined?
“I (20f) demanded that my sister (16f) buy me expensive watercolor markers.
My little sister has just started fashion school and asked me if she could borrow my set of watercolor markers. It’s a huge set I got for my birthday when I was eighteen.
So my sister borrowed them and I made her promise she would be careful with them.
A few weeks later she gave me my markers back because she got new booze markers from our parents. When I went to use the markers the soft tips of more than half of them were destroyed and the rest of them either had different colors on the tips or were empty of ink.
And I mean being empty of ink is okay but my markers being destroyed is not.
So I asked my sister to buy me new ones and she offered to give me her booze markers. However, there were fewer colors and I prefer watercolor ones.
I thanked her for the offer but explained that I needed more variety in colors and that I preferred watercolor.
She gave in and asked for the Amazon link. I sent her the exact brand and set that I had had before I don’t know exactly how much it was when I got them but now to buy it new it’s 40 dollars on Amazon.
When my sister saw the price she exploded she has an income but 40 dollars is a lot for her (which I do understand). But she started to scream at me and accused me of picking a more expensive set.
I showed her the set she destroyed and that it was the same and told her that SHE destroyed it so SHE had to buy it again.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she’s 16. My sister is 17, very heavily involved in the art program at school, and knows how to properly care for items… that doesn’t mean I always get back the items I give her in the best condition. I liked the suggestion someone else had about maybe splitting the cost. I feel that would be appropriate, and don’t loan them out to her or anyone else again.” Ok_Government_4222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister promised to replace them, and flipping out after seeing the price is like, hello! It’s only fair that she covers the cost. Don’t let her guilt-trip you or make it seem like you’re asking for the moon. She needs to own up to her mistake.
She owes it to you to make it right.” FlawlessFemmeFable
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While reasonable wear and tear are to be expected, it sounded like this went beyond that. There was no carefulness in what she did, and that was inconsiderate of her. So long as you requested she buy you the same set—which it sounds like is the case—then your request is completely reasonable.
“You break it you buy it” exists for a reason.” MythArchangel
12. AITJ For Preventing My Neighbors From Using My Driveway In Winter?
“I live in a townhouse and had new neighbors move in next door last summer. During the summer they parked one car on the road in front of their house and one car in the driveway.
Now that it’s winter they can’t park on the road overnight (it’s banned during winter due to snow removal) so they have been parking both cars in their driveway.
Our driveways are connected side by side, with no barrier or anything. I park my car in the garage.
Since they started parking both cars in the driveway, instead of rearranging cars in the morning when the person parked closest to the house has to go to work, she will just angle the car out onto my driveway to drive around their other car, and use my driveway to get out.
This didn’t bother me too much at first but now that we are getting significant amounts of snow and I have to shovel, her driving over my snow-filled driveway packs down the snow where she drives and makes it harder for me to shovel. (For anyone who has never shoveled before, the shovel will get caught on the raised parts where the tires have packed snow down).
I don’t talk to these neighbors or see them ever. If it keeps happening though I’m considering leaving a note on their door or something to ask them to stop. I just don’t want them to retaliate by being horrible like other terrible neighbor stories I’ve heard.
The other option someone suggested was me parking in my driveway so they can’t use it, but I’d rather not because I like not having to clear snow off my car in the morning.
So – I’m wondering about WIBTJ for preventing them from using my driveway, and think they may be upset about it because it will inconvenience them in that they’ll have to swap cars around to go to work in the morning rather than use my driveway.”
Another User Comments:
“You would not necessarily be a jerk, but it’s also kind of a weird thing IMO. I get the pain of shoveling over compacted snow, but it’s not that big of a deal either. Especially if you have a sidewalk scraper. Perhaps there’s a middle ground to be found here, like asking if they would mind shoveling the area they will drive on first as necessary, or if they buy /put down salt sometimes or something. I assume the only reason why they don’t just rearrange cars in the morning to avoid briefly using your driveway is that this isn’t something that seems to be an issue for them.
I doubt most people would care too much. Not saying it’s wrong to care, just a perspective thing. But I’m sure they’re not trying to be rude either. ” ObeseVegetable
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As a fellow person living in a snowy area, nothing sucks more than people driving over fresh snow in the driveway before you have a chance to remove it.
It packs it down, creates humps, and makes it a much bigger pain to remove. It’s your driveway and it’s perfectly fine to want it kept clear. They can simply just move cars as needed, or plan the evening before so they don’t have to do it in the morning.” TheDestroyer229
11. AITJ For Turning Off The Internet After My Husband's Gaming Addiction Became Financially Damaging?
“I (24f) met my husband (25m) a few years ago, and he has always identified as a gamer.
He, at one point, even attempted to maintain a livestream. It didn’t end up working out despite his skill because he could not focus on any one game long enough to draw a fanbase or play consistent hours so people knew when to watch.
Then we had a baby, and the gaming never stopped. He told me it helped keep him emotionally regulated, and our baby never seemed to suffer for it, so I let it continue.
Well, he has been paying for in-game currency that we cannot afford behind my back, and a couple of nights ago I managed to get him to look at his gaming hours for something unrelated. Curious about his other games, he took the initiative and looked into his main game’s hours played.
Now how these hours work if you don’t already know, is after a certain number of hours played they calculate hours into the higher time units. 24 hours = 1 day, 7 days is one week, etc. He had played, since September (currently January, so around 4 months) for over a month.
A quarter of his life over the last 4 months had been spent on just that one game. And like I said before, he doesn’t just play one game.
He broke down and finally admitted he had a problem. He asked me for my help and I said we would work it out together.
Well, today I went to pay bills and noticed he had purchased MORE in-game currency LAST NIGHT. When I asked him about it he came clean and said it was an impulse buy. So I called our wireless company and turned off the internet. Now I am wondering if there was a better way to handle this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But just turning off the Internet isn’t going to fix it. He needs addiction counseling to address his impulse control issues. Also, how much are we talking about? Everyone needs some actual “fun” money to be budgeted for entertainment, and as long as you can both agree and stick to the costs, it would be responsible.
Him hiding and lying about it, especially when you have a kid to support, is entirely unacceptable” WholeAd2742
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He acknowledged he has an addiction and asked for your help. Cutting off his main source to gaming makes sense. But he also needs addiction counseling, and you should make sure he can’t hotspot off his phone to game more, and that he doesn’t just go game somewhere else with an internet connection.
Ultimately it’s his responsibility to get a hold of his addiction (you can’t change him or force him) but he could use your help. Encourage counseling and talk about how to keep him accountable. ” 1cecream4breakfast
Another User Comments:
“So I wouldn’t consider myself old-fashioned. I have a small bias toward gender roles to some very small extent but not to the point that I would care about my partner being independent and even making more money than me.
However, I could not just be a sitting-at-home husband, even if I was a dad. I would at least have some laid-back low low-paying remote job because I just couldn’t deal with my wife having to work so hard to provide everything for the family while I’m at home playing video games all day.
I’m also not saying he’s a bad dad, but if he’s home all day with the stuff you have said here, he’s definitely on the game all day and just attending to the baby when they need something. He needs help or something has to change.
I feel very bad for your situation and I see you heading towards a huge breakdown eventually if he doesn’t step up.” TheScaredOwl
10. AITJ For Not Using My Credit Card Points To Upgrade My Friends' Flights?
“This is a short one. I don’t want to be arrogant here… but I know the answer will be NTJ.
But my 2 friends are convinced I’m in the wrong here…
Some time ago (I forget when exactly) I brought up that one of my favorite singers is coming to Cali as part of their world tour. They are going to some other places, but Cali is the closest to my area.
I mentioned that I have plans to go to the concert and will be taking a business class to fly there because I have a lot of points on my CC. And I will be using the points for essentially a “free” round trip Business class.
Now several weeks ago, 2 of my friends decided to join me. Which I have zero problems at all. I’m glad they want to go there too. More the merrier.
Now yesterday, my 2 friends mentioned my miles and business class and such. I explained I have XYZ amount of points (it’s a very decent amount.
As I’m into churning) and that using points, I can get free flights, upgrades, etc etc.
They then asked me if I could use my points to get them business-class flights for the trip as well. Because I got the points for “free” and I’m not paying for the business class.
I explained to them how it works and that it’s not “free”. But I guess they are still seeing it in a vacuum. I don’t have to pay anything for the business class flights.
They are saying (in a passive-aggressive way) that it’s kinda selfish that I wouldn’t want to use the points that I’m not paying anything/free, and I’m just hoarding up the points.
AITJ if I refuse to use my points to get them, business class?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And those greedy snots are not your friends if they don’t knock it off. If they want the benefits of having good credit and the benefits that come with certain credit card perks, it is up to them to get their credit cards and earn their points.
They don’t get to use you like a piggy bank because they have FOMO and entitlement.” derpyhermit
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Do they have money in the bank that they’re not currently “using” for anything? Are they greedy for not giving it away?
No… just as you aren’t greedy for not giving away the points that you accumulated/earned.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends don’t seem to understand how miles/points work. You earn points through spending, going on trips, or other travel activities. Whether you paid for it, or you accrued them through work, they are yours.
Of course, it’s up to you how you want to use those points, companion certificates, etc. Or if you wanted to book all the flights under your status (and they pay you) so you get the miles on your CCs and they might get upgraded to premium economy, get free checked bags, etc, I could understand that.
They just seem like they are selfish and greedy.” Independent-Length54
9. AITJ For Being Upset At My Partner's Early Alarm Habits?
“I struggle with insomnia, it takes me a couple of hours to fall asleep usually. He falls asleep as soon as he decides to, sometimes within 1 second of closing his eyes.
My partner always sets multiple alarms to wake up for work, he gets up before me.
I’ve always found this annoying and said so a few times but I assumed he just changed his mind each morning and decided to sleep in a little longer.
Until this morning. I needed to be up for 7 today and he set the alarm for it.
So when I heard the alarm I started to get up but he said “No not yet, that’s the first alarm” I looked at my phone and it was 6 am! I got annoyed and asked why he set it so early if we weren’t getting up.
He said he always does it in case he sleeps through the alarm… I still don’t get his logic. I can understand setting maybe 7:00 then 7:05, 7:10, etc but why set it an hour early just to go back to sleep??
Anyways, then he got annoyed at me for being upset saying he does it every day and I never mind and always go back to sleep.
This made me angry because as I said, I mentioned it multiple times. Yes, sometimes I can go back to sleep in the morning but also sometimes I can’t and I wake up with the first alarm and just lay there trying to sleep again while he snores away unbothered.
When I realized he was PURPOSEFULLY setting his alarms to sleep through I called him selfish and he started swearing at me about how I’m overreacting or whatever. I called his method stupid and he called me stupid for not understanding why he does it and that it’s worked many times how he wanted it to (again, I still don’t understand the purpose so maybe I’m being stupid idk)
So we are both just not understanding each other.
I don’t understand why he does that
He doesn’t understand why I think it’s a selfish thing to do or why I’m upset
maybe I overreacted but I’m ill and only got 4 hours of sleep because of this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s pretty messed up that he appointed himself to dictate your sleep schedule. The fact that he won’t back down makes him a complete jerk. This would be a dealbreaker for me if it was frequent – either he can show some mutual respect or get out.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Very very very gentle ESH It’s like you’re describing me and my fiancé – I need to set several alarms and he can set one. He gets in bed and is asleep in 5 seconds, and it can take me hours – and then when I want to sleep in the morning.
We were annoyed with each other at first (for years), but then we both met in the middle to compromise. I now only set ONE alarm and snooze ONCE. I also got a wake-up light to help me in case I fall back asleep. He puts up with my two alarms before his one (instead of five alarms before one) and we are happier for it – but it did take a lot of talking through and compromise.
It sounds like you both got upset at each other and like you’re not willing to try to listen and understand each other, which is why ESH. You’re not being stupid but it is selfish to not want to try and understand. If you truly have insomnia, or because you have chronic anxiety and you spiral, it’s worth getting it looked at to see if there’s a medical solution – it’s likely helping those issues would help your sleep in general. If it’s just because you play on your phone in bed and then can’t fall asleep, I’m out of ideas.” jdr0p
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sleep is important and sleeping well as a couple takes compromise. My Fitbit vibrates as an alarm, there may be some kind of solution there. Though his total lack of understanding, even with an explicit explanation! means maybe he’s not a great partner.
Sometimes people are just so used to their way that they don’t see anything about it, if he’s like this in other areas though that’s gonna be hard to work with.” NeglectedPatient
8. AITJ For Refusing To Cook Thanksgiving If My Stepdaughter's Father-In-Law Comes?
“I (61f) normally cook for Thanksgiving. I have an autoimmune disease which means I’m in pain all the time and very fatigued. Several years ago we moved my stepdaughter and family (4) closer to us.
She started coming for Thanksgiving and even asking her to make something like potato salad has been met with resentment. She never helps clean up or helps her kids with their food. Until we moved her here our dinner consisted of my husband, fil, and bil.
Every year I do everything by myself except my husband smoking Turkey and ham. Everything else is left to me. My fil gripes every year about what I didn’t make or complains there’s not enough salt or it’s too sweet. Nothing but complaints and certainly no “thank you” after dinner.
BIL is the biggest slob and spills things all down my cabinets and leaves them for me to clean. Honestly, I’m sick of cleaning up after a bunch of ungrateful men.
So anyway my stepdaughter recently moved her father-in-law out here too. He is living with them and expects me to add him to Holiday dinners.
All I need is another man standing around waiting for me to get dinner on the table. I told her I would NOT be inviting him 1. He’s not family 2. He contributes nothing and 3 He too acts like he’s entitled and is unappreciative afterwards.
I’m not very good at standing up for myself so I tend to get walked all over. I’m trying to stop this before it gets started but my husband says it’s no big deal. It’s just one more plate. I have refused to cook if he comes.
Stepdaughter says she will help but she hasn’t lifted a finger in the 4 years they have been here. We do all the cooking and they take home 90% of the leftovers. I’m just tired of being used. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You may as well start calling yourself a proctologist, OP.
You’re surrounded by jerks. I think you should sit this year out. Whatever money you would have spent on food prep, use it to treat yourself to a small vacation away from these entitled people. If they want a big meal so badly, they can do it themselves.” Brisbane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, at this stage, I’d stop hosting altogether. Tell your husband that you are happy for him to take over all of the prep and cooking if he still wants to host, otherwise, you want to cut way back, maybe say you’re happy for your step-daughter to host at her home, and you’ll bring a salad or dessert, or if they want to try to find somewhere that’s not yet fully booked and eat out, otherwise, you’d prefer to give it a miss as the whole thing is too exhausting.
Another option is to suggest a radical change – say you are happy to have a big meet-up and spend time together, but the cooking, prep, and clean-up are too much given your health, so you’re happy to host pizza night with everyone splitting the bill, paper plates all round so everything just goes in the bin at the end of the party, and no one has to cook.
It sounds as though everyone who comes is a relation of your husband’s, not yours, but you are the one doing all the work and having people complain.” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nobody is entitled to your forced, unappreciated labor. I’m all about breaking toxic cycles and creating my traditions, and it doesn’t sound like you enjoy any aspect of being the sole person responsible for Thanksgiving, so take my opinion as you wish: I don’t like Thanksgiving personally.
It seems forced and the labor is often unequal. My mother always did Thanksgiving at her house I’d watch her go crazy with the planning, shopping, prepping, cooking and it just seemed——not worth it. I don’t think she liked it but she’s bought more into “be miserable for the family because that’s what family does.” She’s a bit upset with me because I’m not carrying on that same “tradition”.
But—I’m not gonna make myself have a bad time. No way. And I’m certainly not gonna pay these crazy prices to cater to whiners and beggars. I’d like you to take to heart “you do not have to be miserable for your family”.
I know it’s hard to break that cycle of expectation and performance but after that first time, it gets so much easier. Please, do not put effort towards people that make no effort with you. This isn’t about an extra guest. This is about your whole family not appreciating all the work you put in.
Nobody is going to put you first. You need to make that your job this Thanksgiving, whatever that looks like.” Lacroix24601
7. AITJ For Being Kicked Out Over Car Scratches After Helping My Dad?
“So my dad and I have always had a pretty good relationship, he and my mom went through a serious divorce.
It wasn’t until after I was 18, but the relationship was slowly decomposing ever since I was a kid.
Long story short, I’ve been staying at his house for over a year, I would just keep quiet and keep to myself, but then he’d always call me down and beckon conversation, but the thing is he always makes me feel like an idiot for trying to discuss points with him.
Things I genuinely believe in, he would shoot down.
Now it all came to a halt when I asked to use his car to go see my mother his ex-wife. I rode there and back, around a 3-hour drive, then when I came back he saw some “scratches” on the car and decided that that was enough and I needed to move out.
I was flabbergasted, I mean scratches on a car that I have no idea got there and maybe had nothing to do with the trip there and/or back.
Over the past couple of decades, I’ve had to be the microphone for my mom to my dad and vice versa, and no matter how much I wanted peace, it just seemed like war was inevitable between the two.
I feel used up, why didn’t he kick me out when he was on trips and ordered furniture for his new house and needed someone there to make sure it was installed correctly?
Why did he call me saying to get out of my mother’s house because “my destiny isn’t in that city?” now that I’m out of her house (on his whim) the divorce is done, and his furniture is moved in, just because I used the car to go see mom and you see scratches on the car that’s grounds to move me out?
I hope I never turn out like that monster”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t put the scratches there. They were just a convenient excuse to move you out after he had someone there to get his furniture installed so he didn’t have to cancel trips.
His need for you is done, so he’s kicked you out. The crappy thing for a parent to do. Hopefully, you have somewhere to go.” BeautifulPhantom1
6. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Financially Supporting My Unemployed Father?
“My father (m 54) recently lost his job at the end of August. I (f 21) have been helping him with money since, helping him pay for his power and internet, and buying him a new power supply when he asked. I also gave him 300$ for his birthday in September.
My husband (m 23) is starting to get irritated with sending him money every week, and I understand where he is coming from. We just had a baby in early September, and we are trying to save for a better more reliable vehicle and to buy a home.
We used to live with my father. We paid him rent every month and bought our groceries. After finding out I was pregnant and knowing we wouldn’t be able to afford a place to rent with the prices right now, we decided to go live with my mother.
The living conditions at my dad’s weren’t suitable for a child, and we simply wouldn’t have enough room with it being a single-wide trailer with five people already living there.
Today he called me, and one of the first things he said was “I need to bum 30$ tomorrow, I haven’t asked for anything in a while.” When he asks just about every week.
I want to help him, but it’s been over two months since he lost his job and I can’t keep doing it forever. I also can’t help but feel a bit irritated with the way he “asks” if you can even call it that.
I feel as though he’s more demanding. I would also like to point out that ever since I started working and having my own money, ever since high school, he had constantly asked me for money.
So, WIBTJ if I tell him no and stop sending him money?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. You shouldn’t have been giving him money this long. If he lost his job, he should have been collecting unemployment payments. That should be enough to hold him over ’til he gets a new job. An initial gift to hold him until his first unemployment check would have been reasonable.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – At all. Your dad sounds like he never really learned to be truly financially responsible, always asking someone else to bail him out when he couldn’t financially cope. In this case, I would say “Dad, you ask for money all the time, I’m not a bank, it’s been two months.
Get off your backside and get a job. Flip burgers if you have to.”” franknorth2010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In your current circumstances, you need to focus on your family’s needs. The very instance you decide to have a child, you and that child immediately become your family.
Your father is now extended family, and as such he must fend for himself. You shouldn’t have been giving him money after having moved away from him.” FragrantEconomist386
5. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My MIL About Favoritism Despite My Daughter's Request?
“I have 2 children, aged 11 and 9. The oldest one has been actively drawing – both on paper and digitally – for the past few years and has been very successful at it, to the point an artist working for a major company doing just that suggested she has talent.
My youngest is just picking it up and mostly out of a desire to be like the big sis. This past weekend was my youngest’s birthday and she got lots of drawing supplies.
My mother-in-law was in town for the occasion and, after she left, my oldest confided her disdain that the mother-in-law praised the youngster’s art skills and how she’s using some computer app for it (she’s not), and she’ll likely get a scholarship with that.
While the oldest, she said, is terrible and won’t get that far, let alone get a scholarship.
That got me fuming and I wanted to either tell my mother-in-law myself to stop comparing and saying such things or have my husband relay it. But my child requested that I don’t mention it to either one of them, even her father.
It pains me to watch her just sweep it under the rug and eat it, painfully. My mother-in-law is the kind of a person who won’t spare a mean word and will not think twice but will get offended at anything remotely close in her direction, so animosity would be inevitable, and my child could get more flack for it, which is what she’s concerned about.
I must add, this isn’t the first time someone has done my kid wrong where adult intervention was more than necessary and she insisted on handling it herself (I did let her but also got on the same page with the offending party’s parent who reached out to me first).
Should I respect my child’s request to not rock the boat and let her suffer, or should I go full parent bear and possibly lose her trust for further confiding in me?”
Another User Comments:
“I can’t say at this point what my judgment would be.
I would first sit her down and ask her why at the least she doesn’t want you to mention it to Dad. What does she think will happen? Also, does the mother-in-law favor the youngest one in an obvious way? If so, ask her how she feels about it.
Try to get her to verbalize as much as possible. Then be sure and remind her you have her back. I’m wondering if she just hates or is afraid of confrontation. Let her know that you are NOT okay with that happening and you will protect her.
I would also try to keep an ear out when the mother-in-law is visiting so YOU can nip that stuff in the bud. As far as not telling your husband, that’s a hard one. Talk to your daughter first and maybe the path forward will become clearer.” ElegantAmphibian4252
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You should be the adult here and by that I mean you should mention this to your husband. It should not go any further than that from either of you. Your two’s only concern should be discussing how to handle the mother-in-law in the future, limiting her time alone with your kids, and if you need to talk to your kids about what they can and can’t say to the mother-in-law in their defense.
Your kids need to learn how to handle conflict, insults, and difficult people on their own. That’s why letting them know what they can and can’t say to those sorts of people is a good thing. Use generalizations. Bring up news about someone acting cruelly towards someone, ask them what they think or what they might do in that situation, how you might handle it safely, etc. let them know that trading insults isn’t the best, but other words might be more effective.
“I’m not sure why you would say that when someone in that industry has already said I have talent.” Holisarcasm
4. AITJ For Wanting To Go No-Contact With My Narcissistic Future Mother-In-Law?
“My partner’s (both in our 30s) mother promised (unsolicited) to give him a monetary gift when he buys his first home. We’re now ready to buy in our very HCOL city. We could do it on our own, but the gift would help.
When he approached her about it, she said no. After some prodding, she told him it was because of me.
She said she doesn’t like that I don’t visit very often and so she doesn’t “know or trust me”. He explained that we would have a property agreement whereby what’s his is his etc. but she was unmoved. I’m not surprised as I wondered if her “promise” was a manipulation tactic.
I don’t visit very often because her narcissism is hard to deal with.
He asked me not to say anything, fine. But he wants me to just go along as if nothing has changed. He knows that she’s a narcissist, and he knows she manipulated him (again), but he’s able to brush it under the rug as he’s done his whole life.
I don’t want her money, it’s the fact that she called my character into question and continues to jerk my partner around for her vanity.
I told him I couldn’t just pretend I didn’t know this. I don’t want to see her for Thanksgiving, and tbh, I don’t know when/if I’ll ever see her.
(No plans to get married/kids so…)
He understands my reasons but is asking me to go along as if I don’t know anything. His feeling is that you can only go silent on or superficially appease a narcissist, there’s no point in trying to confront or “talk” to them.
He’s chosen the grin and bear it approach and is asking me to do the same for him.
AITJ for wanting to go no-contact with her. I can’t control the relationship he has, but I find it hard to go along with this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m divorced now, but when I was married my husband pretty much avoided my family as much as he could because my mom is a narc and everyone else is entangled. At first, I was like your partner and was slightly annoyed and hurt that he wouldn’t “help me” deal with her/their antics.
But then I realized one day I don’t even want to deal with her and she’s my mother, why on earth would he want to? Life is too short. I started accepting that he didn’t want to see them and started seeing them less myself once I realized it brought me mostly pain.
I cut contact with them earlier this year after I saw that they were also starting to impact my daughter with their mind games and codependency issues. It’s a crappy situation for both of you to be in, hopefully with time your partner will fully appreciate how unhealthy his relationship is with his mother and either set some boundaries or cut contact.
Best of luck.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only way to win with a game-playing narc (apologies for the redundancy) is not to play. You can be NC and no one should force you to have any contact with a toxic person. Period. Full stop.
Your partner can have whatever relationship he wants, so long as he respects you, respects your space, and choice to be NC. That means he doesn’t talk about you or share info with the narc. Likewise, he doesn’t carry stories back to you.
Other people’s opinions of you are their concern, not yours. Same with their feelings about your absence, those are theirs to manage, and the consequences for being jerks. Live your best life and enjoy your peace. We’re NC with certain narc in-laws and it’s lovely.” 2FatC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is not your job to help him appease his mother. If he wants to continue a toxic relationship with a manipulative narcissist that’s on him. There are zero reasons why you would do the same. Don’t go to Thanksgiving or Christmas with her if you do not want to go.
Go to NC if it’s what feels best. He can then decide who he wants to spend the holidays with and make the best decision for himself. R/jnmil has a lot of people in the same boat. Some are a little over the top, but there’s a lot of support there, too.” CheckIntelligent7828
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be The Legal Guardian Of My Best Friend's Kids?
“My best friend Laura and I have been friends for over 20 years. Laura is a single mom of 2 kids (both teens) who is struggling financially and I’ve helped her with money at times.
Her ex-husband is still in the picture but hasn’t paid her child support for a while.
She told me one day (twice actually!) that she asked her kids if anything happened to her, who do they wanted to live with, me and my fiancé, or a family relative.
The kids chose me and my fiancé. When Laura told me this, I think she was saying it due to the emotional stress from the divorce and financial struggles in an area where the cost of living is high.
Even though I am honored her kids chose me, I’m feeling uncomfortable being in this situation nor do I believe I have legal standing (I’m not a blood relative).
When I told this story to my fiancé, he said it sounded pretty selfish of her to put these kids on us, which makes him uncomfortable too.
I’ve told her to stay strong for her kids (esp since she has a new job starting soon) and I also told her not to put us in this situation because we don’t have the financial means to take care of teenagers.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the kids dearly, but I would not be the right person to be their legal guardian. My fiancé and I haven’t gotten married yet, have no kids of our own (but trying), and have a small home that I know doesn’t fit 2 more people.
AITJ for even thinking this way or being a horrible best friend?
To give more context, she doesn’t get along with her family and she says I’m the only one she confides in (which is ironic that I’m saying this on a public subreddit).
Would need some advice because it’s concerning me and don’t know what to do or think.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there are some weird gaps here. It almost seems like maybe you suspect she is considering harming herself. It is wise for parents to think about who might take their kids in if they were to pass away; even more so for a single parent.
Possibly she stresses over this. But yeah it’s only proper to have a conversation and **ask** if the person/people you’d like to name are comfortable with it, and certainly to be gracious if they are not comfortable with it. In terms of ‘legal standing’, I mean 100% she’d need to put it into a will but if she did that, you would have legal standing (but would presumably not be legally obligated to take in the kids).
Ideally, she would have talked to you about this differently and given you an ‘out’; instead she seems to have taken it for granted that you’d be comfortable being their guardian if she passes, or at least accepting. And of course, for most parents, this is something they plan but it never comes to fruition so it’s also possible she considers it so unlikely or such a long shot, it isn’t worth properly planning for.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re being realistic. Her kids probably look upon you and your fiance as the fun aunt and uncle, not as someone who would realistically make good parents/guardians if the worst happens. She just wants peace of mind that her kids would go to someone who loves them.
However, their father is the one who should be responsible if their mother were to die. I am not a lawyer, but I do not think that his failure to consistently pay child support would keep him from getting the kids if that happens, no matter what she puts in her will.
There is no good way to firmly tell her this, but the least hurtful way is to say you are flattered and will always be there for the kids as much as you can, but becoming their guardians is just something you are not prepared to commit to doing.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is something she should have discussed with you and your fiancée before saying anything to the kids. My wife and I had a similar concern as OP’s friend. We know some relatives would gladly take in our son, but the grandparents are getting older, my brother lives abroad, and her sister is irresponsible.
We asked some close friends of ours if they would be willing should something happen to us. They didn’t hesitate to say yes, and our son calls them Aunt and Uncle anyway.” WarpedHumorIsTheBest
2. AITJ For Considering Not Attending My Sister's Wedding After Being Replaced As Her Walk Down The Aisle?
“Long story short, my (37M) little sister (34F) asked me to walk her down the aisle as her dad (my ex-stepfather) is a jerk who wasn’t in their lives for reasons I can’t put here (not prison or anything, a long and complicated family situation that involved the courts).
He’s wrangled his way back into my sister’s life and suddenly out of nowhere she calls me and makes up some story that her fella has asked her dad to walk her down the aisle without remembering I was doing it.
I almost always know when my family is lying to me and it just came across that she’d decided to hide behind her other half.
After making up with her father (how I’ll never know) she decided to push me to the side. I’m not easily hurt but it annoyed me off and hurt my feelings at the same time. The worst part is if she’d just asked I think I’d have stepped aside for her happiness but it just feels like it’s been done slyly.
But I don’t know how much of that is just hurt or paranoia.
The last part is why I feel I’d be a jerk. Because, if I would have bowed out if it was done properly rather than just dropped on me, then am I just creating drama for no reason?
My partner agrees with my initial reaction but we’ve been together for two decades so that’s a given. Just want an unbiased opinion. Would I be a jerk if I pulled out of going? I’m trying to be as unbiased as possible but personal feelings get in the way.
And I have zero enthusiasm for it now. It’s a big deal for me to go to big gatherings as it is (I’m autistic and struggle a lot with crowds of people) and I spent a lot of time building myself up for this. This kinda pulled a rug out from under me.”
Another User Comments:
“This is one where the question of whether you’re a jerk is entirely separate from working out the right thing to do. Being hurt by your sister’s rejection / possible dishonesty is completely understandable. If you decided not to go as a result of that, then you’d be NTJ.
But just because you *could* choose to do something without technically being a jerk doesn’t mean you *should* do it. Dropping out of the wedding will be incredibly hurtful for your sister in turn: if my sibling did that to me over a perceived slight, it would make me never want to speak to them again.
This is her big day: maybe your feelings, as valid as they are, can afford to take a back seat temporarily? I think you need to sit down with your sister and be straight with her. Tell her you love her, that you’re happy she’s patched things up with her dad, but that her demoting you (and potentially being a bit shady about it) hurt.
Hopefully getting those feelings out in the open will help resolve them. If you can’t walk your sister down the aisle, is there something else you can do, befitting your love for each other and your place in her life? Maybe you could do a reading during the service, a speech at the reception, something like that?” Gillett
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if you don’t at least sit her down and talk to her about it first, then make a decision based on how that conversation goes. If you cut people out of your life every time they hurt your feelings you’re going to end up very lonely after a while.
Friends and family need to be given a chance to do dumb, thoughtless, hurtful things on occasion and still be forgiven. You’re close enough that she asked you to walk her down the aisle. That means you should be close enough to talk this out.
Of course, what I’ve just written only applies if this is an unusual deal with her. If she has a consistent pattern of dodgy behavior like this then ignore my advice and set your boundaries where you will.” Zaxacavabanem
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one.
But you’re NTJ. I don’t think you need to pull out of going altogether, especially if you still care about your sister and want to be a part of this big life event for her. It’s your choice and I completely understand your frustration and upset at the way she’s chosen to handle this and the situation itself.
I’d speak to her about how it’s made you feel and base your decision on the way she chooses to handle it – that should tell you whether her intentions were kind and misguided or whether she has no regard for your feelings.” familiarutopia
1. AITJ For Yelling At My Stepdad After He Woke Me Up To Clean My Room?
“So I (F19) live with my mum (F46) and stepdad (M50). I’m currently in university so to save money I live with my parents but due to work and school, I’m only ever home to sleep.
Due to this, my room got quite messy but I haven’t had a full day off to relax in over 2 weeks and yesterday was the first time I was able to just lay in bed and sleep in.
So yesterday was my first full day off and I wanted to sleep in and play some video games; however, at the crack of dawn, my step father barged into my room, yelling at me to wake up and to clean my room.
I, having just woke up, was extremely confused and tired so, in my tired defensive state, I shouted back for the first time and called him (in my exact words) “a narcissistic jerk who needs severe mental help”.
He got even angrier and yelled a few more things before slamming my door and demanding I move out.
I just ignored him and went back to sleep but my mum told me later that night that he was very hurt by what I said (ironic since everything he says hurts my feelings but no one cares about those) and told me to apologize.
I asked my step-sister if I was in the wrong and she said that he had it coming but my aunt who I’m very close with said I was disrespectful.
I don’t think I’m the jerk here but I love and value my aunt’s opinions so now I’m a little unsure and think I should apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The person who decided to yell at another adult while they were trying to sleep is the jerk here. Incidentally, since you’re paying rent, I think it would be appropriate to install a doorknob with a keyed lock. That way, no one would be entering your room while you’re asleep and no one would need to be bothered by the messiness of your room while you’re not home.” MarkedByFerocity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you pay rent. Your space is your space and messy or not, it’s none of his business. He barged in without an invitation, which is rude, and probably not legal given you pay rent. Here’s your apology, if you would like to make one: I’m sorry you behaved so rudely and abusively that it startled me from a deep sleep and I accidentally said hurtful—though factual—things.
I am sorry if my accidentally telling the truth offended you.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you pay rent, he has no right to barge into your room. He is only allowed to enter with your permission. Do you keep your door closed? If so what difference does it make if you have cleaned your room or not?
If not, why not keep it closed (and locked)? Is your mum willing to give up her daughter? Because that is what SD is leading to and aiming for. It may be difficult, but you need to be working hard to move out.” emeslyaakov
