People Insist That Their Reasons Are Worth Hearing Through Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Hold My Baby?
“I (20f) had a baby four months ago and obviously all my family was incredibly excited since he’s the first nephew/grandchild.
I have eight siblings so he has plenty of aunts and uncles to love on him.
Well, we’ve visited my family a few times since his birth and the oldest of my sisters (I’ll refer to her as Sis) has always been a ‘baby hog’ so she was the first to hold him.
We recently had a party at my parents’ house for friends and extended family to meet my son. During the party, Sis wouldn’t let anyone else hold him. At one point I couldn’t find either of them for over an hour and it turned out she had locked herself in my parents’ bedroom with my son.
Then I found out that the whole time she was holding him she was sick with some sort of cough (she thought it might be strep or bronchitis). I was furious and told Sis that if she can’t respect my son’s safety and my boundaries, she won’t be allowed to hold him anymore.
Now, whenever I visit she follows me around begging to take a turn holding him and telling me that ‘this is the only way I can be happy’. (She is currently pregnant and miserable.) She has started complaining to my family about how unfair I am being by not letting her bond with her nephew.
Everyone except our mom, who has refused to take sides, agrees with her and says I should let it go.
Am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Locking yourself in a room with someone else’s baby is bizarre and unhealthy behavior. Doing it while you are sick is doubly so.
She isn’t pregnant and miserable, she’s pregnant and likely suffering from a mental illness that needs treatment.
Your sister needs to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist about her feelings and behavior. You may not be the one to recommend that, but someone in her trusted orbit needs to make sure she has the support she needs before and after she has a baby.” foursevens
Another User Comments:
“God no. She disappeared for an HOUR with your child without saying one word to anyone and had LOCKED herself and your child in the room. This is inexcusable even if she WASN’T sick. Your child is not her emotional support animal. And it’s incredibly disturbing that she says holding your child is the only thing that makes her happy.
Also, she doesn’t NEED to bond with your baby. The only people who need to bond with your baby are you and the baby’s father. She needs a timeout, and so do all of the people who are persisting in harassing you. Having a four-month-old is stressful enough without someone who clearly needs mental help constantly whining about not being able to hide your child from you.
NTJ.” smartiesmouth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has clearly demonstrated that she values her own wants and comfort above the safety and well-being of your baby if she’s locking herself away to hold him for ages while she’s sick. I wouldn’t let her hold him either after that without supervision (so she doesn’t hide the baby like a maniac), a temperature check, and making sure any other healthy person who wants to love on the little guy for a bit has had a turn.
Holding the baby is a privilege, not a right. Even visiting is a privilege, and nobody should visit a family with a baby when they know they’re sick.” gluevah
18. AITJ For Uninviting My Mother From My Wedding?
“My fiancee (29f) and me (34m) are getting married in two weeks after 13 years of friendship and four years of being together.
She is fantastic and our relationship has been so good for both of us. Planning the wedding has been uncomplicated and fun. We included my mother a lot, for example, my fiancee took her dress shopping.
The reason is, that my fiancee has always had a good relationship with my parents, and it grew much closer over the past year after her mother died. They kind of see her as another child and I know that fiancee appreciates that immensely.
As for my fiancee’s father, she went no contact when she was 15, even before he hadn’t played an important role in her life. His behavior was one cause of her depression and low self-esteem, it took her years to heal. She is happy with the way things are now, I never met the man, so neither of us considered inviting him to the wedding.
My mother however won’t understand why we won’t invite him. Mum is a retired psychologist. She has had some experience with children-parent reunification and she thinks my fiancee needs that, even more after the fiancee’s mom’s passing. My fiancee and I both have shut my mum down plenty of times.
We both made it clear, that this man was not to know anything about my fiancee’s life nor would be welcome anywhere near the wedding. For a while, my mum shut up. My mum doesn’t know my fiancee’s father.
The other night we had dinner with my family.
My mum had an announcement. Apparently, she looked my fiancee’s father up and went to see him. Then she invited him to our wedding. She seemed so pleased. My family was appalled and angry, they all know what has happened. My fiancee somehow remained calm and told mum how inappropriate that was, how mum hurt my fiancee terribly by stepping over the one boundary she ever had.
How fiancee had lost all her trust in mum after this. I then uninvited my mom and we left. My fiancee only broke down at home.
My mother’s also been inconsolable since and called me dozens of times, but I haven’t picked up yet. Fiancee feels unsafe to have the wedding if there was a chance that her father might show up.
We might just cancel the whole thing. My father, who’s not condoning any of my mother’s actions, thinks I should talk to mum, and hear her out. My siblings agree that uninviting her was too drastic. I just see the distress my mother had caused my fiancee and get angry all over again.
So AITJ/AWTJ for sticking to our decision?
Edit: I met my dad earlier. He is really sorry for what my mom did and how he’d pushed me to listen to her at first. I told him that my fiancee was the person hurt in this and that it was really up to her.
Dad did offer to cover additional costs we might have now. Both siblings called individually to apologize to fiancee as well. I don’t know what to make of it just now, it’s a good start I think. Haven’t talked to mum though.
Also, my fiancee’s BIL had a good idea regarding the wedding, we might do it earlier.
That way we’d at least keep the venue. We’re still figuring details out, but it might actually work.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cancel the wedding and go and elope instead. That kind of betrayal would be enough for me to consider going no contact with my mum.
It wasn’t just a small mistake or an oversight. It was a deliberate action to trample boundaries and to push an agenda you had made very clear you and your fiancee had no desire to pursue. As a retired psychologist, your mother should have known better than anyone just how damaging the actions she chose would be to your fiancee, and any existing relationship between the both of you and herself.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If your wife feels unsafe around your mom, then you would not be the jerk if you kept your mom from the wedding. Your mom refused to listen and believe everyone telling her to mind her business because she thought she knew better.
Well, she screwed around and found out, only it was your fiancee who was hurt the most. Trust is hard to mend once broken.
If you keep the wedding date, it’s important to make sure the dad doesn’t show. Make your mom (with your dad for insurance) go back and tell him he isn’t welcome.
That if he shows up anywhere near the wedding then the authorities will be called. Assign people at the wedding to keep watch for him and make sure he leaves.
It would be a shame to call off the wedding, but if neither of you would enjoy it because she’d be so on edge about her dad knowing and showing up, then what’s the point?” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your mother is a giant egoistic jerk. Screw psychologists that think they know everything best. The dad was out of her life for a reason, your fiancée is an adult and can decide when and IF she will let her dad back into it.
Your mom has absolutely NO RIGHT to force it like that. Her behavior is disgusting. If she forces things like that on your wedding then she can just go drink a coffee with FIL on the wedding day.
I don’t think you were harsh and you should stick by your decision.
Your mother fcked up big time, especially when you both repeatedly told her, that you don’t want him in your life. Such a huge break of trust. I just hope she didn’t give FIL too much information or your fiancée might soon have an absent father bothering her too.” Mundane_Sunday
17. AITJ For Not Supporting My Cousin's Wedding?
“My (25F) cousin (27F) got married last month to her co-worker (45M). We were close in our childhood but lost touch growing up and barely interacted. I got to know from my parents she was getting married and I was really happy for her.
However, I got to know a couple of days later that her parents are totally against it as they found out he was previously married with 3 kids and as per her parents, their affair began while he was still married to his ex (my cousin denied it).
They refused to participate in the wedding and tried to convince her to reconsider it. They involved other people including my parents and everyone tried their best to either persuade my cousin or convince her parents to give her their blessings.
I talked to my cousin about it and she said they are in love and she cannot imagine life without him.
I told her it’s her life so she can do whatever she wants but I agree with her parents and I won’t play a part in convincing them to bless her. Her parents finally agreed and everyone from the family attended the wedding.
Yesterday my cousin called to tell me she cannot live with the man.
She says he hardly helps her with chores and his kids absolutely dislike her. They also have a difference in religious opinions and he tries to impose them on her. I asked her if any DV was involved to which she said no. She asked me to help her out as her parents are not ready to help out.
I told her I can lend money if that’s an issue. She says she needs emotional support now and I should help her mend her relationship with her parents. I absolutely refused.
She kept on pushing on how I should help her out as she married this man for love but got deceived etc. I pointed out that she wilfully ignored everyone’s advice and now she wants help when things have gone south.
I told her I can only provide temporary financial help but she should not expect more from me. She started sobbing and called me names. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, willfully had a relationship with a man who had a wife and kids, didn’t care of the impact on his kids, didn’t think for a second that they’d rightfully despised her.
She thought a man who was so weak to have an affair would be a good partner. Lololol she went with a guy who didn’t care for his wife or kid’s feelings and married someone 18 years younger. She knew his religion before. And she should have lived with him or been in a relationship for a couple of years before marrying someone with kids anyway.
She absolutely does not deserve any emotional support.
You offered money, and you asked about DV. Am sure her family would also pluck her out if he did become violent too. But she deserves zero emotional sympathies. She can give that to his wife and kids.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your cousin were not even close anymore in your adulthood. Why in the world with anyone expects you to suddenly be obligated to be there for someone that did not try to have a relationship with you, broke up somebody else’s marriage, and now expects you to be there for them because nobody else is?
This is not your obligation. She created this mess. This is not someone who even listens to guidance or instruction. Yes, people can say whatever heck they want but at the end of the day, this is not your responsibility! Misery loves company, so she is going to call anyone that is going to answer and try to push her problems onto them.
I wouldn’t answer those phone calls if I were you. I wouldn’t let this ruin my day.” Sea_Bar8885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 45… I mean without details it’s entirely possible those ‘kids’ are legally adults, but if we are generous they’re almost certainly over 10 – thus old enough to not like their dad’s preferences.
And a 45-year-old man not helping with household chores who had also been willing to have an affair with a coworker 18 years younger than him? Well color me shocked, it’s like he doesn’t respect women in his home life.
It sucks for your cousin, but she insisted on learning through trial by fire.
She had no shortage of people telling her this wasn’t going to be her happily ever after with the talking animals and rainbows that she imagined.
You did the right thing by confirming there was no DV, and offering her financial assistance if she wants out.
But I am 100% with you, anything else she needs to figure out how to deal with the consequences of her own impulsive actions.” Aradene
16. AITJ For Berating My Sister For Doing My Husband's Laundry?
“My (f31) sister (f23) moved in with me and my husband (m29) a week ago. She does not contribute money but takes on lots of house chores as a way to compensate for it.
She cooks, cleans, organizes, vacuums, etc.
Yesterday, I was at work and came home and found that she’d done my husband’s laundry. I was stunned as I felt this was… not her place nor was it appropriate because for one I always do his laundry and more importantly, I did not think it was appropriate for her to be looking at his briefs.
She downplayed the whole thing saying it was no big deal and that she saw that I was struggling with work and then kids and wanted to help me by doing the laundry. I told her she shouldn’t have done it but my husband didn’t react and she used that to support her argument saying no one thinks it’s a big deal except me.
We argued and she shut me down then started crying saying she meant well and was trying to help out. But I couldn’t help but think this was not her place.
My husband told me to drop it but I can’t shake this weird feeling I got.
He told me I should apologize to her for berating her but I refused.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She‘s trying to help and it’s just clothing… pieces of fabric! What do you think she‘s doing when she throws his clothes into the washing machine?
Imagine what his privates might look like. That‘s ridiculous.
Would you be freaking out as well if it was swimming wear?
I don‘t know if it‘s jealousy or insecurity but there is literally nothing inappropriate to wash the laundry of family members.
Be it a shirt or briefs.
The exception would be if your husband himself said that he didn‘t like it and would prefer to wash his briefs himself. Why would you decide for him though?
You owe an apology to her. She just wanted to help and there is nothing wrong with it.” InkedAlly
Another User Comments:
“If this is a bright line for you, fine. But your sister was being helpful and thoughtful. Laundry is a chore, and as she is doing those around the house, it makes sense for her to throw a load in. If you didn’t tell her that putting your husband’s dirty drawers in the washer and folding them when they’re dry is off-limits, she has no way of knowing that.
YTJ because you got into an argument instead of trying ‘thank you so much! I actually really like doing Joe’s laundry though, so you can leave it for me.’
And try to let go of thinking that it’s unseemly for her to look at his briefs.
The briefs don’t carry the psychic imprint of a ween, it’s not hot, it’s just clothes.” purposefullyblank
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your little sister tried to help you out and do her part to help contribute and you go off on her like washing his undergarments is some dirty thing she did.
She’s not a creeper! She is your baby sister and deserves to be treated better than this.
You have some weird hangs ups if this is the thing that drives you up a wall. As others said, it is just fabric. If it bothers you that much (which is absolutely RIDICULOUS, for the record), you should have thanked her but said that in the future, you would like to take care of his laundry.
You didn’t have to be a nasty jerk to someone who only tried to help you out!
And a final point, your husband is old enough to do his own laundry. Why should anyone else have to clean his clothing (you or anyone else)? He’s supposedly a grown man.
Anyway, I think it’s pretty obvious that you are being a giant, ungrateful, YTJ.” Antha_A
What's next? You gonna yell at her for washing the dishes because hubs put a fork in his mouth? You need to wash his forks specifically? You see how silly this sounds?
Yeah, you are the jerk. You suck. If you don't want to help her, don't. Kick her out. But gosh, don't make it like she's doing something wrong by doing chores.
15. AITJ For Prioritizing My Partner Over My Best Friend?
“I (22F), live with my two best friends (George 24M, and Caitlin 22F). George and I’s friendship has been very strained recently due to my relationship with my partner Aleksandr (23M), who was my figure skating partner when we were younger.
I have loved him for a long time but we only started going out 6 months ago. The whole issue with George has been going on the whole time Aleksandr and I have gone out but it all exploded five days ago.
The first ‘incident’ was about 6 months ago when Aleksandr was over and stayed the night in my room.
He’d had a rough day and couldn’t sleep so we cuddled and I read out loud to him. George came in without knocking and stood there. I asked him if he needed anything and he was silent and left. The next morning he confronted me saying I shouldn’t be so affectionate with Aleksandr when he was over at our house, as he didn’t want to see that and it was gross.
I thought fair enough, it’s his house too. He also said it was weird that I was reading to Aleksandr. I told him it helps him sleep, and George says he should go to a doctor if he has insomnia. I got exasperated at him, and he said Aleksandr can read himself and it was disgusting that I was infantilizing a grown man.
We got mad but it blew over.
Since then, there have been lots of other instances where George has gotten annoyed. He has gotten angry at Aleksandr staying over, saying it insinuated we hook up and he didn’t want to think about that. He has gotten mad that Aleksandr kisses me on the head and cheek.
George was not like this before I got a man, and he and Aleksandr used to be good friends, but they’ve grown distant too.
I talked to Caitlin about it, and she said maybe George was upset that I wasn’t spending as much time as I used to.
It made sense to me, and I understood how George might’ve felt, so I decided to make sure I spent time with him too. We had fun, but it didn’t change his attitude toward my relationship.
One day George asked if we could hang out later that night.
I got a text later from Aleksandr that he was feeling very ill so I went over to his place. Aleksandr had a bad case of the flu, and I realized he needed me, so I texted George to apologize saying that we could do it another time.
I quickly went back to the house to pick up some stuff to make Aleksandr soup and so I could stay over at his house. When I got back, George was angry because I had blown him off ‘like I do ALL THE TIME’, and said Aleksandr could look after himself.
He said he didn’t think Aleksandr was good for me and was manipulative, and isolating me from the rest of my friends. I lost it at him. I don’t usually get angry but I felt that I had been accommodating to him. I said he was being ridiculous and he didn’t know anything about our relationship and what was good for me and I was sick of the way he was acting.
I feel very guilty about what I said. I don’t want to lose George as a friend, but I feel his requests were excessive.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. George either has a crush on you or he is possessive of you. It’s pretty clear he feels threatened by your partner and is trying to manipulate both of you as much as possible to minimize your relationship.
To be clear, your room is your space – you are allowed to do what you please in it. George’s issues with ‘omg but you could be having intimate times and I don’t want to think about that!’ Are his issues not yours?
That’s for him to take up with a therapist. It is not your responsibility to tailor your relationship to his comfort.
I would be putting as much distance between yourself and George in your shoes – whether he is in love or wants to control/possess you (or your partner, you haven’t stated his leanings so it’s not outside the realm of possibility that your partner is his target, but less likely given the hostility unless he has got some internalized homophobia going on) his actions are not healthy and this is not something you can fix.
This is 100% a him-issue, pandering to him will only make him escalate further and claw as much ground/control as he can.
You need to establish firm boundaries, as long as you aren’t having wild encounters on the kitchen bench and are generally being considerate to your housemates, you are not in the wrong and have nothing to apologize for.” Aradene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. George has a crush on you and is blaming your partner for ‘losing’ you. George is behaving super inappropriately (seriously, silently staring at the two of you in your room? Ew), he had been doing what he accuses your partner of doing (trying to isolate you from him by getting angry and complaining when you spend time with him, whether it’s at this place or not).
You call George your friend but I am sorry to say this guy doesn’t sound like he has ever been your friend – he was just being nice to you with the expectation of getting a relationship out of it in the end, and now that you’ve dared to crush that expectation by being a woman he wants with a guy that isn’t him, he was showing his true colors.
Going forward, it’s okay to set very forth boundaries with George around his behavior toward you. You’ve heard his concerns about your partner, and disagree. Further concerns are unwelcome. If he starts up, wait away. If he escalates, consider moving. It’s not fair, but it’s better than sticking around someone who sees you as a possession and is angry at you for not taking the same view.” ISTFMM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to continue being friends with someone just because you’ve known them for a long time. George is dangerous. YOU may think of him as just a friend but he has clearly set more expectations for the relationship. You need to end the friendship.
No ifs and/or buts. Not only is he not a supportive person in your life, but he also doesn’t respect your boundaries and your relationship, and he probably never respected you, to be honest. Just faked it to try and get in your pants.
He wouldn’t ‘HAVE to think about you guys having intimate time’ if he never busted into a closed room he wasn’t invited into. It’s very weird behavior and I think for the sake of your mental health and your relationship with Aleksandr you need to cut George out of your life.
Do it around other people. Make sure you are NEVER alone with him. I get hardcore incel vibes and that never ends well.” cornyloveee13
14. AITJ For Threatening To Rehome My Husband's Dog?
“My husband (37M) and I (35 F) have been married for 15 years.
We have had our ups and downs, but we always work it out. We have two children (12F, and 11M). My husband is in the military (where we met), so he spends a lot of time away from home. The last time he was gone.
He was out of the country for 2 years. When he got back, I was in charge of packing up the house and relocating to his new duty station. While I was across the country handling the move, the kids were with him getting reacquainted. To get them to love him, he got them a dog.
The problem is, I am allergic to pet dander, as is my daughter. He knows this because he brought a dog home when I was pregnant as a surprise that put me in the hospital. With medication, we can handle a hypoallergenic breed, and he knows this as well.
He got a mutt from the pound. I am 100% on board with adopting vs breeders, which is why we don’t have a dog. I also love animals. I will love on someone else’s dog in a heartbeat and suffer for a while scarring down Benadryl.
We had a conversation when I got home, and he made me feel like a monster bc the kids loved it. But we are miserable. My daughter and I are forced to take allergy medicine every day, her asthma has gotten worse and our eczema is out of control.
While rubbing cortisone cream on my daughter’s legs and back yesterday I just snapped and told him that if he didn’t find it a new home, we are leaving. Everyone thinks I am overreacting but I can’t breathe! There’s dog hair everywhere and no amount of air purifiers is helping.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you won’t be able to live in the home comfortably for months, either. See if you can get moved to new housing on base if that’s where you are. He deliberately put your health and your daughter’s health at risk in an attempt to buy their love.
Heck, not even ‘at risk’ but deliberately made you very ill. I feel bad for the dog but rehome it immediately and point the finger right at him when they ask why. He brought home something toxic to your daughter and you. He COULD have gotten a different pet, there are dozens out there, but I guess a dog was easiest to get.
NTJ in the slightest. He knew you were HIGHLY allergic; Eczema, for crying out loud! Poor kids, poor you, poor dog, and it’s all on his shoulders for making a very jerkish decision.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband shouldn’t have adopted a dog without asking you, especially since he knew you were allergic to pet dander.
It’s also not fair to get an animal and then essentially force other people to take care of it since he’s gone all the time. While in an ideal situation, a dog should never be rehomed, your husband created a super unideal situation for everyone.
Rehoming is the best option, in my opinion, given half the people in the house are miserable. You are a compassionate person and I am sure will do right by the animal and find it a good home, honestly, that should be your husband’s responsibility but it remains to be seen if he has the time or compassion to do it.
Tough situation, but you have to do what’s best for you and your kids.” Ciphree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What your husband did, knowing that you and your daughter are highly allergic to pet dander, was wrong on so many levels, and extremely cruel to do to a dog.
Dogs don’t have the ability to reason, as humans do, so it’s especially hard on them in being forced to leave home… they don’t understand what they’ve done wrong.
Could it be your husband is having mood or anxiety issues from being overseas that might have affected his thought processes?
I believe you do love animals, and I hope you can be part of finding a new, loving, and trustworthy home for the sake of the dog. I wouldn’t want to see that task be in the hands of your husband, because his ability to put the best interest of others in the forefront seems a bit lagging.
Also, there IS a compromise, and using a reputable breeder in order to obtain a certain breed of dog for legitimate reasons is NOT a bad thing. In your case, getting one of the breeds that allergy sufferers can have is not doing anything wrong against dogs up for adoption!
The bad reputation comes from the backyard breeders, who don’t know a thing about breeding in a professional and responsible manner. They only want to make money selling puppies, healthy or not.” User
13. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out?
“I recently kicked my sister out of our home for the way she reacted to a photo of my husband & his first wife.
I met him a few months after she died in a car accident, got married 2 years after that. We’ve been together for 6 years.
He was devastated when she died. I told him I never expected to ‘replace’ her in any way & considered myself another chapter in his life.
I was warmly accepted into the family and his circle of friends.
My sister, recently fell on hard times – lost her job, apartment, and so on. We took her in.
My husband has always had a home office. My sister was poking around the house when he was out and discovered a photo of him & his first wife among the framed pictures he has.
It’s not their wedding photo or anything, just a typical cute couple photo. It’s the only printed photo of her in the house, taking a few months before her accident. They didn’t have kids, so pics are all he has.
There are a lot more photos of us.
I was reading on the couch when my sister came stomping into the room, holding the framed photo.
She angrily asked, ‘Why do you let him keep a photo of his ex in your house?’
I replied: ‘First, it’s our house, & second she’s not an ex.
She died in an accident and was his wife for 8 years. She was a huge part of his life. He keeps that one photo out.’
She replied, ‘An ex is anyone you’ve slept with who’s not in the picture anymore.’
Me: ‘No, that’s not how it works.
She passed away.’
Sis: ‘Doesn’t matter. So what if she got passed by a truck, an ex is an ex. You shouldn’t be letting him keep any pictures.’
Me: ‘You are being extremely disrespectful to me & my husband right now. You are a guest in this house.
Walk back those comments & apologize, now.’
Sis: ‘Why should I apologize? How can you let him keep pictures of an ex-fling?’
I never knew his first wife, but I know how much she meant to him. I know how much he loves me.
My sister talking about her like that insulted him, & by extension me – not to mention how disrespectful she was being to a poor woman who passed away young.
I said: ‘Get your crap and leave.’
I didn’t care that it was November in MN, or that she didn’t have anywhere else to go, or any money.
She had been beyond disrespectful to me and my husband, over a single small photo.
Me: “If you are worried about sleeping in your car this winter, you should’ve thought of that before insulting the people sheltering you.”
I made sure she was gone before my husband even got home.
He was shocked when I told him what’d happened since he’d always had a polite-neutral relationship with her. He thanked me for having his back.
I got a call from my mom, telling me it was my responsibility to take care of my sister. I laughed and hung up.
How I could basically destroy my relationship with my sister over this? She was the one who did so.
AITJ for how I handled this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It feels like there are just a ton of people anymore that didn’t learn basic respect and boundaries with other people.
A rational person – after asking about the picture and receiving an explanation – would then apologize, put the picture back, and let the subject go. Even if they still disagreed with the explanation they would still let it go because it’s none of their business and it doesn’t impact their life in any way.
Your sister doubled down and died on a very stupid hill – determined to disregard your feelings and disrespect both you and your husband. Now she’s learning there are consequences to being a disrespectful and belligerent person.” Silvangelz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister is a jerk which is probably why she’s in this situation.
She should not have been in your husband’s office at all as she was clearly violating his privacy and just wanted to snoop. Once she found the picture and confronted you about it and stated she thought it was wrong. When you clearly told her that you were okay with it, that was the end of the discussion.
She should have dropped the whole situation.
Everyone’s marriages are different, no one has the right to set rules in someone else’s marriage. Some people have open relationships while others have multiple wives. Whatever works for them, it’s up to them and just because one person doesn’t agree doesn’t mean they get to stomp all over the marriage.
Everyone has something weird that they put up with in their marriage. As long as the partner is not too harmful, it’s good to tune everyone else out.” Live_Power_2843
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was insulting to your husband, to his late wife, and you.
You tried to head her off when it was just a simple ‘why do you have this photo out’ but she proceeded to push and push and be disrespectful and gross. It’s almost like she wanted a confrontation. Well, she got it. You were right to have your husband and his late wife’s back.
You have a big heart, OP, and you handled your husband’s former life (before you) with respect, kindness, and compassion. I am sure that’s one of many reasons he loves you!” Common_Shoe_4634
12. AITJ For Prioritizing My Mental Health Over My Sister?
“I (f29) really don’t think I am in the wrong here but my mom does.
So my grandad has dementia and is in a home. I go to see him several times a week and see him at his worst and best. He’s 90 but still holding in there. My younger (f22) complained about me posting pics and vids of him (obviously on good days) to my IG, so mam asked me to stop cause it upsets sis.
I told her she doesn’t have to look.
After that, I was told that sis doesn’t want updates on him because it hurts to see him like that and it’s bad for her mental health. I get that I do, I cry almost every time I come out but I’d rather have time with him than regret it later.
I was on a GC with mam and sis and mam said that when something happens to grandad that sis doesn’t have to worry because I will be there for her and I’ll be strong for her. I laughed and told them I didn’t agree with sis for cutting grandad out and I haven’t been contacting her about it but I will not be there for her.
Mam said I had to be as her older sister and I am being selfish because it will be harder on sis. I don’t think it will be, he brought me up as his own. I’ve been with him since I was born and I think it’s not fair to put that on me because I’ll be dealing with my own grief I told them the only people I’ll look after when he does pass are myself and my gran but I will not be there for my sis when she made the decision to cut him out her life because she is bad for my mental health.
I am being told I am selfish and in that situation, my mental health isn’t important and I am being a brat. So AITJ?
EDIT: I will try laying down some clear boundaries with mam and sis. Which may involve radio silence for a few weeks as people have suggested. To round up, I don’t agree with my sister’s methods but have respected them as much as possible without straying from the usual but I will not currently be supporting her as I don’t receive the same from her.
As for the photos, I will continue to ask his permission as I always have done and will not take or post without his go-ahead as I always have done.
The account was made several years ago when he was not in care. It’s even under his name and he requested it to stay in touch with his cousins in Canada.
I have always and will continue to ask his permission to take a photo and post it as I always have done. The care home does the exact same thing for their social media page except our IG is private and for family only.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your Mum is so concerned can’t she be there for your sister? Also don’t feel like you are selfish because you are not. However, your sister seems to be. Mental health is important but not a get-out-of-jail-free card to be a self-centered selfish brat but for me, your mum is the bigger jerk here making you feel responsible to look after your granddad and parent your sister.
What exactly besides chat her bias does your Mum do? Take care of granddad and you. Take support from your partner and leave them to their cop-out ‘mental health.'” One-Possibility-8265
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I personally think the photos you take of your grandfather should be private and not available to anyone but you, but not my decision.
Your sister, however, is getting a little old for mum to still consider her the baby-way who must be treated so special because she’s too emotionally immature to act like an adult. Her grief will not be greater than yours even if there is guilt mixed in with it that she was too weak/mentally fragile to even visit her grandfather.
Let your mum ‘take care’ of your sister when the time comes and you take care of yourself. I recommend a nice long trip after the funeral if you can swing it.” lonnielee3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Block your sister from social media, it annoys me when cry babies try to control what to post.
Your mom is causing problems. Saying she would get hurt more. Huh? Who even says that? Don’t let her comments get to you and do your own thing.
If you all need to comfort each other that’s understandable but they’re not entitled to your support.
It comes naturally. In fact, by what you wrote I can tell that you will be impacted the most. Where are they getting at?
My advice, even if you are not asking for any is to not entertain your mom and sister’s opinions. They’re weird.
Keep seeing your grandpa and enjoy him to the fullest.
Wish him so much more time. Best wishes.” RockIsRx
11. AITJ For Not Updating My Ex Regarding Our Son's Surgery?
“I (25f) and my ex (28m) have a 2-year-old son together. Our son was born with a birth defect that required surgery last year, which resulted in a week at the hospital to recover and a month of recovery at home.
While at the hospital, I would get constant calls and texts 24/7 from my ex asking for updates, which is a normal thing to ask. However, every time I would tell him his response always led to yelling at me for not ‘telling him sooner’ even if whatever it was had just happened. His thought was that the second I heard a slight change I should be immediately calling him.
I never waited longer than a full day to update him, however, the calls and texts from him were becoming extremely exhausting. Not to mention I was extremely depressed and overwhelmed during this time. What frustrated me the most was he never made a single attempt to come up to the hospital, or even see him after.
It’s been a year since then, and due to the damage from the birth defect, our son needs another surgery with the same recovery time. Not once did my ex ever go to any doctor’s appointments, testing, etc., but would consistently berate me if I did not call him immediately to tell him every detail.
So yesterday, I went to pick my son up at his grandmom’s (ex’s mom’s house), and when seeing my ex I reminded him of our son’s surgery coming up soon. His first response was that I better ‘make sure to constantly call him’ and I stopped him mid-sentence and told him no. He looked confused, so I explained if he wanted to know what was going on, he could go to the hospital and ask the doctors himself.
He got angry and started yelling, but I just took my son and went home. Now I’ve gotten a ton of messages from him saying I am the jerk and denying him access to his child, but I am tired of being the messenger.
AITJ?
Edit: I should also add that I am a full-time single mom. We never married and have no custody arrangement. I have him 7 days a week 24/7, along with working two jobs and going to college online. Just taking 2 weeks off of work for both jobs is already a huge financial stress that I can’t afford to make but I have no choice.
I also receive no financial help from him whatsoever.
Update: Thankfully the surgery with my son went well and we are finally back home! My ex continued to throw a fit the whole time we were there. He even tried telling his mom I was ‘ignoring him’ when I was sending him a message once a day.
Instead of responding to his behavior, I have been looking up lawyers that specialize in child support that won’t break the bank.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Send him a text message- for proof- reminding him of the day, time, and surgery location. Add in ‘If you aren’t there, I will try to provide you and others updates, but will not be able to give a lot of updates because I will be with our son, or speaking to the doctors, or just not on my phone much.’
That way you have a nice, polite, but firm text message about expectations. Will this make him suddenly rational? No, but it is good for a judge to see if he creates an issue there, or for a family who may reach out and give you a hard time.
Plus, you will not feel guilty when you don’t update him all the time, because you told him what to expect, and like you said if he is so worried, he can be there.
Then, on the day of the surgery, do not let him upset you or take you away from your son, or just when you are having a quiet moment and don’t want to deal with him.
You will send him the updates you send everyone- in surgery, out of surgery, doctor summary, etc.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to be focusing on your child who is in the hospital, not constantly updating another adult who could also come to the hospital to focus on his child as well (but just chooses not to).
His choice not to come to the hospital to monitor his son himself does not translate to you becoming his personal assistant to answer his every beck & call immediately. I’d turn the phone off while you are at your child’s bedside. He can come to the hospital himself if he wants constant & immediate updates or he’s welcome to send some family member of his (or even hire himself a personal assistant to go sit at the hospital to jump to action updating him every single time your child blinks).” myhairs0nfire2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is abusing and harassing his son’s only caretaker during a stressful period, distracting you from more important things, attacking the person paying for his son’s medical care, and manipulating an incredibly vulnerable person.
You are not in a physical, financial, emotional, or any state to be able to defend yourself and it is awful that you might ever consider yourself to be a jerk when the person making accusations owes you tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars, has been exploiting and abusing the single mother of a sick infant and radically neglecting his own baby in a way that puts his baby at risk.
Overworked, highly stressed parents can make mistakes and he is the person insuring you remain all those things. You’ve made it this far, he can go at least half the distance. You deserve so much more than to ever feel like you owe anything to someone who psychologically tortures you.” HannahAnthonia
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconcile With My Cousin Over A Laptop?
“A while ago I gave my younger cousin, a teen just trying to live in a messed up home, my gaming laptop. My only gaming laptop at the time. It was worth 2k. He loved it. Nearly cried. I set it up for him, bought some steam games for him, and planned to hang with him online when I got a new laptop.
After buying myself a cheaper laptop, I try and set up some gaming times like we had planned. He seemed oddly evasive and avoided any discussions about gaming or the laptop. Eventually said the battery died. I offered to buy him a new one. He avoided the topic again.
I find out that his mom sold/stole his laptop for illegal stuff and he was just trying to protect his mom. I sent him a small desktop to at least get him his own pc, so let’s hope she doesn’t steal that one too…
After hearing about what happened, I was irate, naturally. It’s been almost a year since then and now that Christmas is here, my family is trying to get me to treat the thief like everything is normal. She hasn’t even apologized. I’ve so far refused to have anything to do with her.
So, AITJ for holding a grudge against family? Supposedly she is off the substances now. Supposedly.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your family is just enabling her. It’s totally your call if you want to forgive her or if you even want to be in the same room as her.
This would be your decision but if she is stealing his property to purchase illegal substances, I can’t imagine what else she is doing to her son. You might consider dropping a dime with child protective services.” TechnologyLivid9247
Another User Comments:
“If you give the laptop to the kid get it in writing it’s a loaned item.
If she steals it again tell her you will be calling the police and having her charged. NTJ.
Also if this is a big issue and she starts back doing stuff like this you need to call CPS. This isn’t ok. This isn’t safe or healthy and he shouldn’t be around that environment where nothing of his is safe and his mom is tweaking out with him a room away.
NTJ” BooksAndStarsLover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! If she is clean and if she is working the steps (AA) she has to make amends. She hasn’t.
What she has done to her child is criminal—literally, emotionally, and psychologically.
Until she works the steps, has a history of sobriety, and makes amends for her transgressions she gets no forgiveness.
She is a thief, an horrible mother, and a toxic human being. Addicts destroy everything around them (experience here) and they too often con those around them.
You owe her nothing! But your support of her child is commendable and I am sure it means the world to him.
Stay firm, she has earned nothing but contempt. Too often empathy and compassion turn out to be enabling. They know that and use it to their advantage. She shouldn’t even have custody of her child.” MagicianOk6393
9. AITJ For Not Paying My Friend's Speeding Fine?
“I asked my friend (and housemate) to help drop me off at the airport. She was cool with it. No dramas.
A couple of weeks later she received a penalty notice of $124 and 1 demerit point. She was fined for going 6km/hr over the speed limit.
The timing of the fine indicates that It was on the same day she had dropped me off at the airport and was headed back home.
She asserted that I should be the one to pay the fine, her reasons were that: she doesn’t usually drive out that way and was unfamiliar with the road, and that she would never have been fined had she not done me the favor of dropping me off at the airport.
She also said that since she was already copping the demerit point, the least I could do was pay the speeding fine.
We got into a bit of a disagreement as I explained to her that I shouldn’t have to pay for her speeding fine when she was the one who made that mistake.
Some would say $124 isn’t much to pay, but it’s not just about the money. It’s also about her accepting the responsibility for driving over the speed limit and not passing the blame onto me for asking her a favor.
I don’t want to make it any more awkward between us considering that we live in the same house.
So AITJ? Should I just fold and pay the fine to avoid further drama?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was the one driving, not you. Unless you specifically incited her to drive at a higher speed, then you are not at fault.
Personally, I don’t understand how she arrived at the conclusion that it’s your responsibility.
I suppose in the future when she drives her kids to school, and she is ‘unfamiliar with the road’, and gets a speeding ticket, her kids should pay the ticket.” xemanzs
Another User Comments:
“An unfortunate situation certainly… but NTJ. She was responsible enough to have her own license and her own car… she should be responsible enough to follow the basic rules of the road no matter where she is.
You don’t get a free pass just because you are driving somewhere you don’t usually drive. Speed limit signs exist for a reason. And it’s not even like it was on the way there and you were in the passenger seat urging her to hurry up and drive faster.
She was alone, driving back, and presumably taking the same or similar route that she had just taken to get you there…” rmoto
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as you were not driving and not in the car. On another note, if she received a ticket in the mail a couple of weeks later, it was probably an automated camera that took a picture of the license plate.
They are probably just fining the registered owner of the vehicle. Your friend should make some inquiries because she should not be losing a demerit point unless they can prove she was behind the wheel. If she pays the fine, there should be no demerit point but if she goes to court to contest and admits being behind the wheel, then yes to a demerit point loss.
I understand that this may not apply to all jurisdictions, but it is worth looking into.” survival-nut
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter's Great Grandmother Name Her?
“GMIL (my husband’s maternal grandmother) named her daughter (MIL) Georgina Grace because she wanted to call her Gigi. MIL is in no way a Gigi and wants to be called Georgina or she just flat up will not respond.
I recently had a baby girl and decided on the name Gianna. I don’t plan on calling her Gigi but am totally aware it is the go-to nickname and in general don’t care if other people do. However the first time GMIL heard the name she said ‘I can finally have my little Gigi’ Bonus points for GMIL my baby does look a lot like MIL.
I feel like GMIL is getting weirder and weirder in terms of seeing my baby as a replacement for MIL. MIL will not let GMIL touch her and moves away or yells at her when she tries but lets her own MIL kiss her on the lips, hug her, etc. Obviously, this hurts GMIL and she has been demanding to hold Gianna every single time MIL rejects her lately.
She has also made comments about it is like having MIL as a baby again before she turned into such a massive jerk. Overall this makes me very uncomfortable.
Recently we had a family event. GMIL’s husband made a joke about how strange and Victorian it is that MIL refers to her mother as mother, never mom.
MIL’s MIL looked right at GMIL and said ‘she calls me mommy’ which I haven’t ever heard MIL do unless she was being sarcastic or wanted something, but whatever.
GMIL immediately picked up Gianna and started cooing about her little Gigi, her perfect one, she is going to grow up perfect.
I asked for my baby back and she didn’t want to give her to me right away. She finally did and I asked to talk to her in private. I told her I don’t want her to call her Gigi anymore, I as her mom don’t like it, and I am sorry MIL wants to be called Georgina but my baby is not her do-over.
GMIL cried and called me selfish and controlling. She said it is just a nickname and we are so uptight. My husband backed me in front of her but in private told me he thought I was being mean. GMIL’s husband blew up at me and said I should respect my elders and I am as bad as MIL.
I don’t know I I went too far. She is a good great-grandmother and I feel bad because I can’t imagine having my own daughter rejected me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
However, the problem is not the nickname. The problem is the desire for a perfect do-over child.
And, even more, the expectation that this child will be ‘perfect’ which is an insane expectation for any human being, let alone an infant with a lot of growing and learning to do.
If she wants the nickname but gives up the expectations, you don’t have a problem.
If you force her to give up the nickname, but she still expects the child to be her perfect do-over descendant, you have major problems.
You need to address the root of the problem, the desire for a perfect do-over child. Not focus on the superficial details such as a nickname.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
GMIL sounds emotionally harmful and a little creepy. People can be really hesitant to draw boundaries with elderly people because they’re set in their ways, they’re sometimes lonely, they’re closer to death, and lots of cultures emphasize being very deferential to your elders.
But they can still mistreat children. As much as she’s vulnerable, your baby is more vulnerable. You might have a one-to-one conversation with MIL sometimes about her relationship with GMIL and the Gigi thing and see if you can find out what she was like to grow up with.” WTF_Happened_o__0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
THIS BEHAVIOUR IS WHY YOUR MIL IS COLD TO HER AND REFUSES TO ENGAGE.
You ask her not to use a nickname and tell her this baby is not her do-over and she calls you selfish (this is your child???) and controlling (for having a firm boundary that this is not a do-over child for her and to not use a nickname).
And her husband said you were as bad as MIL. Consider what that actually means: your MIL refuses to be called a name she dislikes which her mother is for some reason obsessed with to the point she had to take up refusing to respond if not called her name to be listened to and refuses physical contact.
GMIL CONTINUES to try to push these boundaries then plays the victim card about how MIL is hurting her. How her feelings are hurt. She literally insults her for not wanting to be called a nickname and not wanting to be touched.
MIL doesn’t reject her for the sake of it, she rejects her because she is emotionally harmful, tries to stomp on her boundaries at every opportunity, then cries to everyone about how she is the bad guy for even having boundaries in the first place.
EDIT: Oh, and I forgot to mention, she is praising your child as a replacement for her own daughter, in front of her. Which is an incredibly cruel and callous thing to do.” EnergyThat1518
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Stethoscope?
“I am a doctor (30/M) and a few days back I gave a major career-defining exam with several other candidates.
During the exam, you are expected to carry some of your own equipment such as a stethoscope.
One of the candidates (30-35 M) forgot to get his own stethoscope. The examination center didn’t have an extra stethoscope and asked him to borrow one from the other candidates. I was starting a little later than the rest so he asked me for my stethoscope.
Some background. A stethoscope needs to be put into the ears and I don’t like sharing mine as it feels gross to put something in my ears that has been in someone else’s ears. Additionally, I didn’t want to have to worry about getting my stethoscope back in time or getting delayed in any way for my exam if I lent it to someone else.
Finally, right before the exam, I like to be in a focused zone and I don’t want to talk to or engage with anyone at all.
As soon as he approached me and started to speak to me, I said please don’t talk to me I need to focus.
Perhaps I could have been more polite here but I didn’t want to get out of my focus zone or think about anything else before my exam. I was mentally revising my examination routine and really didn’t want to be disturbed.
He still proceeded to engage and said I need your stethoscope, I forgot mine and the examiners said to borrow yours.
I replied saying I needed mine and I don’t share my stethoscope. He started pleading, and I very firmly said stop disturbing me, stop talking to me. He walked off in a huff and was visibly upset. I was pretty irritated too because I had been distracted and had to refocus to get back into my zone.
After the exam, he was giving me nasty looks. It was pretty clear he did poorly. I think it’s a reasonable guess that someone who forgot to carry critical equipment before a major exam probably didn’t take preparation for the exam too seriously.
A few of my exam-going colleagues think I was a jerk for not helping him and for refusing to talk to him.
From my perspective, I felt he was a jerk for disturbing me before a critical exam. I had been preparing for this for months. The instructions are clear to bring your own stethoscope. If he didn’t have one, the exam center should have had a backup.
Besides, I really didn’t want my stethoscope in his ears. I didn’t want to risk having to look for him if he forgot to return it. This exam has multiple stations in multiple different rooms and if he went into another room with it and forgot to give me my stethoscope I’d have a hard time getting it back.
So AITJ?
Info/Update: My stethoscope is a Littmann Cardiology IV. Costs USD 200 so not exactly cheap! My trusty steth and I have been through a lot together including 2 years of extremely difficult global crisis duties. I probably shouldn’t be so attached to an inanimate object but I am a bit attached to my steth.
It would pain me to lose it.
These exams are chaotic with people running from one station to the next. One of my teachers specifically advised me to shut out everything around me and just focus on the exam. So I had decided that I wouldn’t engage with anyone and would just mentally revise my examination routines etc.
This exam was something that I put a lot of effort into. I compromised on gym and family time to get extra study time. I used up all my PTO. I skipped watching a few episodes of Andor and House of Dragons to study! It was crazy dodging spoilers (caught up now & WOW).
I did not get any pleasure from turning him down, I just wanted to focus 100% on my own performance.
All the examiners had stethoscopes and he could have easily asked them to borrow theirs instead of mine.
The fees to give the exam + travel costs + hotel costs + time off from work all result in a net cost of a few thousand USD per attempt.
My state doesn’t have an exam center so I have to travel out of state to give it. My partner is also in a med program and pretty much all our extra income is going toward her tuition & living expenses. If I fail and have to give the exam a second time that will require finding a few thousand dollars in our budget.
The stress and guilt of that will weigh heavily on me. Also, it would be super embarrassing at work if I fail. Can’t take any chances with my performance.
The examiners are trained not to let off at all if you are doing well or not, so I couldn’t get a clear read on my performance.
I think I did well but I also know I made a few stupid mistakes. I am hopeful for a good score but there’s still uncertainty with these things.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The reality is he came unprepared. That’s not your fault. He lied to you the examiner didn’t say for you specifically to give him your stethoscope (they can’t).
That’s not your fault. Different people have different hygiene standards. Maybe he has a lot of wax in his ears. I mean you can wipe it down with booze which is what we do with peeps in isolation in the hospital. They get their own stethoscope and everyone uses it to keep the isolation in the room.
BUT it’s your stethoscope you paid for and it belongs to you. That means you get to decide what happens with it. And let’s take the hygiene issues and track them down out of consideration. You know what is really annoying and painful?!?!
When someone readjusts the ear pieces to fit them and then you put them in your ear.
It’s painful and it sucks. Maybe others don’t have the issues I do… I am sure of it LOL so maybe that process doesn’t hurt most people but it’s freakin painful to me and it takes forever to get it back in the right place so the earpieces don’t hurt my ears.
For this one reason alone I didn’t share my stethoscope. And it didn’t make me a jerk either.” Beautiful-Act6485
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You sure as heck don’t have to share, especially in an exam situation.
However, I would try to work on your feelings of not sharing mainly when it comes to practice because, at some time in your career, you are going to forget your stethoscope and need to borrow someone else’s.
It’s inevitable. And you can’t compromise patient care just because you don’t want to put something that has been in someone else’s ears in yours.
That’s all I came to say.” Nameless_oneder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like a pencil for a written exam.
And it’s not like a specific instrument that you may not have anticipated needing or typically carried with you. (Struggling to find a good example – a b***d pressure cuff perhaps? B***d draw supplies? Those typically stay in the room you are working in)
Doctors live with their stethoscopes attached to them at work. It shouldn’t have been forgotten. Getting into the habit of having one with you is part of the job. I see a lot of doctors being chronically ill, and I’ve never walked into an appointment and seen a doctor enter the exam room without one.
You may be ta for refusing to even speak to him about this though. That’s honestly just bad manners. A simple, I am sorry this happened, but I do not share for hygiene purposes, followed by I hope you find someone willing to lend you one, would make a big difference.
I am hoping this was pre-exam jitters and not your typical behavior. (Manners matter in healthcare, not just studies, and skills).” littlestgoldfish
6. AITJ For Not Paying For My Best Friend's Dinner?
“I (21F) have never had troubles when it comes to money. I come from a financially comfortable family and am shortly planning to move abroad for further education, post which I’ll settle down there.
Since high school, I’ve been working so I could be independent. However, my dad has graciously offered to pay for my postgraduate degree abroad to prevent me from being stuck with a study loan, and we worked out that I’d pay him back eventually. I am putting this bit of information here not to brag but because it’s relevant later.
So, I’ve had this best friend since middle school. We’ll call her Acie. While she doesn’t come from a lot of money, her family is financially stable. Acie however hasn’t started working yet, and she completely depends on her parents. She has pretty expensive tastes, far more than what her parents can afford to pay for at times.
Everything she owns has to be branded. She even judges me when I buy jewelry from the flea market, as she thinks it’s tacky and cheap. She’s an only child, but not too long ago, her parents decided to cut her off. Ever since then, she’s had me pick up her tabs whenever we hang out.
I didn’t mind at first, as the restaurants we were going to were affordable.
Acie had wanted to try this fine dining restaurant on the expensive side of the city for a while, and we had a huge festival (cultural) going on. This happened approximately two weeks ago.
I assumed that we would go Dutch as previously, Acie was boasting about how much money she’d received from relatives as a gift during the festival. However, soon as we were handed the bill, Acie looked at me expectantly. She used to ask earlier if I could cover her, but she got so in the habit of me paying that she just waited for me to do it without even asking.
I laughed and told her I couldn’t afford to pay all of it, and we’d have to pay for our own parts. She told me to pay this time as she didn’t have any money. I asked her about the checks she’d received as gifts, and she told me she was saving them up to buy a gold necklace.
I told her I was willing to split it instead of paying for only my part. She had ordered a lot more than me, but I didn’t want to argue over it longer.
This annoyed her, and she told me I was being stuck up and that since I was ‘rich’, I should be the one paying.
I told her that I was paying for the meal out of my own pocket, not my parents’, but she mentioned that my dad was going to pay my tuition and said I was entitled, privileged and bratty for that. And since he was helping me with moving abroad, I could afford to spend a little.
She also accused me of not caring for her or our friendship. I was so upset at that point that I put funds worth half the bill on the table and left.
Later, I learned that her dad had to bail her out. And she has been posting about me on social media and making me feel bad for abandoning her like that.
So I don’t know if I should have left the way I did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s treating you like her personal bank and it will only get worse from there. You need to cut your friendship now or at the very least establish boundaries because if you don’t she will continue to use you for the rest of your life.
If you decide to go somewhere with her again, straight-up tell her that she MUST pay for what she gets and only pay for yourself before doing anything. When the bill comes, if she refuses just pay for your stuff and walk out. Make sure she always has her wallet with her otherwise she may pull the ‘I left my wallet at home’ trick.” Throw-away-cos-y-not
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having the things you do and your parents’ ability to help financially does not make you a spoiled brat. But your ‘friend’ sure is acting like an entitled spoiled brat. Offering to pay and expecting you to pay are 2 very different things.
Time to evaluate the friendship as I think it has run its course. Not everyone in our life remains for life. Some people are in our life for a season or a reason. Seems yours was a reason for learning.
Good luck abroad and get better friends who won’t use you for what you have (or don’t have).” GardenSafe8519
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone that’s been in similar situations, she’s been using you for quite some time. You are not her ATM as she’s been treating you. You are a good friend for paying in the past but she is manipulative at the very minimum.
She is not your friend and has shown you her true self. Believe her when she has shown you who she really is and drop her. If you feel the need to defend yourself on social media, post what happened and how she’s done this in the past along with a tip for other people to be wary of her antics.
Then block her. You might be wealthy and your parents are helping by giving you money, but it is certainly not her money to demand.” Cute_Acanthaceae_225
5. AITJ For Leaving Fairy Lights On?
“I (19F) live in a suite with 5 other people on my university campus. My room has fairy lights that I just leave plugged into the electrical outlet and I leave them on at all times.
One of the girls in my flat has asked me to turn off the fairy lights when I leave my room for a class or go back home for the weekend. She’s very environmentally conscious and I generally comply with her requests like recycling the toilet paper rolls.
However, it’s a bit of a hassle turning on and off the fairy lights every time I leave, especially since I am usually rushing for class.
To be clear, I pay hostel fees to the university which covers all my utilities and food, etc. We are not renting a house and splitting the utility bill amongst 6 people in which case I would have understood her request since it affects how much she has to pay.
I refused and she’s upset about it. Some of my flatmates took her side but most are ambivalent about it.
AITJ for not turning off the fairy lights?
Edit: these are LED fairy lights from IKEA.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Leaving something as cheap as fairy lights on at all times is a fire hazard, and completely unnecessary.
While occasionally forgetting when you arein a rush in the morning is forgivable, there is no excuse when you are leaving for the entire weekend. It’s not so much the actual environmental damage caused nor the cost, but you have to realize this behavior is the outside manifestation of a massively wasteful and selfish attitude that your roommates find insulting.
I would recommend purchasing a switch button for your power socket, so you can switch it off more easily (it works like a socket adapter – but with a switch).” Smithmillers
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ.
Environmentally speaking, a string of LED fairy lights uses so little electricity that it is completely irrelevant.
We’re talking about a couple of watt-hours per month or the equivalent of leaving a traditional incandescent bulb on for about 5 minutes. A typical television uses many times as much electricity while it is turned off. Some people suggested that you get a timer for the lights.
If that timer is powered by the electrical socket, it will use about the same amount of power as the string of lights themselves.
As far as being a fire hazard, unless you bought them from some fly-by-night operation over the internet, that is total crap.
If you bought it off the shelf at a retailer in (I assume based on your use of the term ‘fairy lights’) the U.K., Canada, or Australia, then it must conform to consumer safety standards for fire risk.” ANameLessTaken
Another User Comments:
“There are inexpensive devices that turn your plug into a remote control device.
They are not smart devices at all, purely analog. Super cheap and you can find them on Amazon.
Everyone sucks here. Asking you to turn off their fairy lights because she’s an environmentalist is a weird approach. If you don’t know her or care about her in particular, it won’t make a difference.
Your flatmates who are taking her side are reinforcing her childish, churlish behavior. She will never be an effective environmental advocate by whining.
You can easily turn a set of fairy lights off. You are refusing because it’s a power issue for you and there’s a lot of ‘can’t make me’ in your response to her request. It’s not a completely unreasonable request, and you can easily leave 15 seconds earlier to find the time to turn off some lights.
Be honest, you just don’t want to.
All in all, it’s a really weird thing to get into any kind of conflict about. Just have a chat with her.” BeddingtonBlvd
4. AITJ For Making My Dad Cry Because I Don't Want To Live With Him?
“I (15f) am a child of divorced parents (mom 44 & dad 44), they got divorced when I was 7 and my sister was 2, the divorce was pretty intense on my mom we had to go live with my grandparents for a year since my dad took the house and it was really hard on us, but we’re better now.
My dad has always been emotionally closed and hard on me and my sister, for example, when I was little I was kind of chubby, so my dad put everything in his power to make me ‘fit’ like him and I hated it, this situation made me disinvolve body dysmorphia and an eating disorder he also always pressured me to be perfect at everything I did so now I have severe anxiety, so thanks, dad.
He also has no patience whatsoever. At every little mistake, he screamed at me, forgot to do the dishes, and a whole hour lecturing me for being quote ‘lazy’.
My mom on the other hand was the sweetest person on earth, like the total opposite of my dad, she helped me every time e called her crying because of an argument I had with him and I am really grateful for having her.
One year ago my dad found a girl, she’s a personal trainer, dancer, and an influencer and I hate her. She is like a feminine version of him and she is the fakest person to ever walk on this earth she was annoying, spoiled, and rude.
Every time she screamed at me for stupid reasons my dad always took her side because he was so madly in love with her.
So 3 months ago a talked with my mom and told her I was tired and wanted to live with her full time, she was aware of my dad’s actions and of his emotional mistreatment, so she agreed.
We talked to him and he said no then went all bonkers telling me that I was ungrateful and that I didn’t what to live with him anymore because he didn’t always give me what I wanted.
Then he started to cry which I have never seen him do And I just snapped and told him of all the pain he caused me over the year, all the critics, screams, fights, all the anxiety, and nights I fell asleep crying because of him.
After that, he just left and the next day it was like nothing happened.
I talked with his side of the family and they said that what I did was unnecessary and selfish.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… not in the slightest.
Your dad isn’t a decent person.
Who tf takes a house from their children?
Also, he’s more focused on images, which means that if you chose to not stay with him anymore his perfect persona will start to crack because people will question him.
His crying was manipulation. His family are enablers to his awful behavior.
Look up narcissistic behavior. Get ahead of his tactics and free yourself so you can heal. He’ll try to suck you back in… don’t let him.” Fire_or_water_kai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He cried because he wanted to manipulate you into thinking you are the bad guy.
His family is taking his side because he will look bad if he doesn’t have custody of his daughter. I am sorry to tell you this, but he doesn’t want custody, he just doesn’t want to look bad for not having it.
Your father should not be obsessed with your weight, and he absolutely should not be letting his partner of ONE YEAR yell at you. Just no, some random woman has no right to call you any names just because your dad is with her. Go live with your mom, who knows how to show you love.
You don’t need this cruel, narcissist in your life anymore. I would also block his family on everything, all they want is to guilt trip you.” Ch-Ch-Ch-CherryBomb0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Just don’t go back, stay with your mom. Anyone comes knocking to try to bring you back (some authority or whatnot) tell them you don’t feel safe at your dad’s house, tell them he is emotionally abusing you and you are scared of him.
Never change that story, repeat it like a mantra if you are asked ‘He’s abusing me and I am scared of him.’
Your dad is a jerk and most likely a narcissist who’s trying every card he’s got to manipulate you to remain his punching bag.
Don’t let him. My mother is a narcissist and it took me 20 years to realize all the awful things she’d done to me, you are 14 and already know your dad is a jerk. If your relatives from your dad give you a hard time you have a few options: 1.
Block them. 2. Ask them if they’re telling you to put up with awftul treatment? Do they want you to be mistreated? Do they want your dad to hurt you? Don’t let them try to rug-sweep it either. Personally, I’d tell you to just block them and move on ’cause you are only a kid and shouldn’t have to deal with this.
But, if you want to see them scramble like cockroaches out of the light use the other option. It might shut them up ’cause they won’t like being called out on their crap.
Good luck!” Dawnyzza-Dark
3. AITJ For Displaying A Photo Of My Son's DNA In The Living Room?
“I (m32) met my wife 3 years ago. We got married 9 months ago.
We have a baby boy together that she got pregnant with while we were engaged. My wife used to work for other people’s pleasure. No judgment on that, please! She did what she had to do to survive. My parents were always being ‘skeptical’ about her and a lot of times asked if I wanna settle down with her.
When she got pregnant, they went nuts and demanded a DNA test. They refused to attend the wedding til the DNA test was done which caused a huge problem.
They ended up missing the wedding obviously. The test was done BECAUSE my wife wanted to prove a point and eventually, my parents made amends and we reconciled.
They started visiting and yesterday noticed the photo of the DNA test that I hang in the living room. They asked about it and I told them that it serves as a reminder of why they didn’t attend my wedding, they were stunned and livid when I mentioned that I tell any guest the same thing I told them.
Mom and dad were mad and asked me repeatedly to take it down saying I am being too harsh on them and refusing to let go of the past as well as embarrassing them to the other family members. I refused to take it down and I admit to being sarcastic in my response saying ‘it goes with the house decor!’.
They begged and then refused to come over anymore til I remove it. My brother thinks it’s petty and childish and said I should take it down.
Alright, I am editing some stuff. First of all, my wife does not mind having the photo up, she laughs about it sometimes but she’s still carrying some hurt that was caused by what happened. And second of all, no, she no longer does her previous work.
It’s all in the past.
And did I mention that my brother and I aren’t close? He’s known as the ‘crackhead’ in the family! So that’s that!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What was petty and childish is your parents demanding a DNA test before attending the wedding.
Since you mentioned your wife’s previous employment was just to survive, I assume she quit when she got herself in a better living situation so it only makes sense that you got her pregnant and it wasn’t a product of her past. I don’t believe you owe anyone an apology and don’t take it down unless it offends your wife.
Your parents deserve that reminder and embarrassment. They’re the ones that demanded the test. And they should be embarrassed that they did that to you and your wife!” Commercial_Yellow344
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your parents suck for obvious reasons.
You suck because if you are going to allow reconciliation then you have to do your part too.
Reminding your parents of their judgment is one thing, but actively belittling and mocking your parents to all other guests is trashy and a clear indicator that you have no real intent to reconcile.” kytomo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
Your parents being ‘skeptical’ about her since the beginning just because she used to work for other people’s pleasure is a big fat no. Your parents losing their minds and demanding a DNA test and using it as a blackmail tactic to attend the wedding is also a big fat no.
They got what they deserved. Keep the framed test! However, if you feel that something must be done about it, the best person that should have the final say about it is your wife. She is the one who got the hate from your parents, she is the one who had to go through that crap with the test to ‘prove’ herself.
So she should decide what to do with it and hopefully, everyone else will respect her decision.” vdritz
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your parents were petty, judgmental jerks toward your wife. But actually having the test framed to constantly throw it back in their faces is a whole new level of passive aggressiveness.
The kind that ruins relationships. Just go no contact at that point instead of fanning the flames of resentment that will kill your relationship with them anyway.
Also if I was a guest in someone’s house and they told me the story of why there’s a framed DNA test I’d be super uncomfortable and probably not want to be friends with them anymore, because my life experience so far has taught me that people who are spiteful to their supposed loved ones are probably gonna be spiteful to me too.
I don’t need that kinda energy in my life and wouldn’t even want to be in a room where that energy is front and center in a literal frame that is clearly meant to make it a conversation starter.” Maxwells_Demona
2. WIBTJ If I Want The Roast Pork Medium Rare?
“Thanksgiving is right around the corner and my wife and I (27F, 29M) are making plans to host our family. I am doing the bulk of the cooking, including a rib roast. I am excited since it’s one of my favorite dishes and I much prefer it to turkey.
We’ve been fortunate this year to be able to afford a good one.
I plan on cooking it to a medium rare temperature since that’s what I and most people in general prefer. And, objectively, it’s juicier and more tender that way. My wife is annoyed by this and says I should make it medium well or well done since she and her parents ‘don’t like it b****y’ (that’s not b***d but whatever).
I told her that they can eat the end slices, which tend to be more cooked than the bulk of the roast. And if that’s still too ‘b****y’, they can nuke their piece after it’s cut.
I think this makes perfect sense. Obviously, if I were making steaks, each one could be made to the preferred doneness of each person.
But this is one (expensive) piece of meat, and I don’t want to ruin all of it when the solution is clear: you can always cook a piece more. You can’t uncook it.
WIBTJ? My wife says I am and that this is my way of imposing my ‘pretentious preferences’ onto everyone at Thanksgiving.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your job as a host, especially for Thanksgiving, is to provide plenty of food enjoyable for all your guests. Even people who put ketchup on rubber steak or hot sauce on everything. Get an extra roast. Slice off extra and cook it longer.
This isn’t difficult unless you just want an excuse for it not to work.
Thanksgiving is about welcoming everyone, regardless, or perhaps, especially because of their differences. Sometimes that means the sulky 11-year-old gets microwave nuggets or your ancient relative needs utensils to eat finger food because they think it is rude to use their hands.
Don’t be a Thanksgiving Scrooge. Let your heart grow 3 times bigger. Be the guy that everyone feels great about because they know they will have something to eat. The house that people breathe a sigh of relief because they don’t have to bring a sandwich bag of snacks for their picky eater family member.” craftygamergirl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
1st please just stop with the ‘ruin it’ and ‘cook it properly’ nonsense. That is pretentious. People are allowed to have different preferences for food. You don’t have to insult your wife or her family in order to eat food the way you like it.
You are choosing to be rude. Cook part of the roast longer. It’s not rocket science. Cut a third off and put it in the oven earlier.
You get to choose between being a gracious host or a pretentious jerk. Being gracious will cost you 2 minutes with a knife.” MeanestGoose
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – as a host you have an obligation to provide hospitality to guests who have their own obligations.
You’ve decided to serve something that you know several of your guests will not like the way you prepared it. There is an easy way to make it prepared to your guest’s liking (cutting the part off and cooking it longer) not doing something to easily meet your guest’s preferences makes you a poor host.
You are choosing to take a food-centric holiday and creating a fight and giving guests a poor experience. Further, all of these guests are from your wife’s family being a poor host to a whole group of people is even poorer hosts behavior. YTJ because you are actively trying to be a bad host.” johnrgrace
1. AITJ For Refusing To Leave A Comedy Show Early?
“So last night me (23f) and my partner (29m) went to a local comedy show/fundraiser here in town.
The event had a pre-party and served beer and wine.
I and my partner didn’t attend the party beforehand but we did grab a few white claws before we took our seats.
It was a sold-out show so we found a couple of seats in between two other couples.
As soon as we sat down the guy in the couple to our left started fidgeting and moving all over the place. I noticed and thought it was odd but didn’t pay much mind to it.
It was a 3-hour show with multiple comedians and at intermission, I got up to use the restroom.
I came back to find the woman GLARING at me and the guy was reading a small pamphlet. Then the show started once again and my partner leaned over and whispered ‘the guy next to us is in recovery we should leave’.
It was a show that served booze, there were a lot of people drinking.
We just happened to be the ones that sat next to this couple. I am of the opinion of your recovery is that difficult when it comes to being around others drinking then you shouldn’t be at an event that serves booze but maybe that makes me the jerk.
I told him that I was ‘sympathetic but if he couldn’t handle it then they could leave’ I shouldn’t have to cut my time enjoying the show because of it.
It was clear the event served booze, with the pre-party, and as soon as you walked into the theater the two bars were right there.
The lady just glared at us throughout the whole show and we ended up leaving before the final comedian because my partner just kept bugging me.
We argued in the car and he said I was being a jerk by not leaving sooner. I told him I didn’t want to leave at all and if the man next to us couldn’t handle being around people drinking then he shouldn’t be.
So AITJ?
Edit to add: My partner is a great man, never been a ‘doormat’, especially in social situations. He was an addict (not drinking but other things) so he’s sympathetic to anyone struggling like that. It may have been causing him issues as well seeing the man like that and that’s something I hadn’t even thought about honestly.
Not trying to white night for him just wanted to add. Also, we didn’t want to just toss our drinks, We wanted to drink and enjoy the show and relax on our night off together.
We didn’t assume the pamphlet was an AA one.
My partner had overheard them talking about it.”
Another User Comments:
“Going to a comedy show and expecting no one to drink around you is complete stupidity. Are these people new or just really dumb? Let me guess they went to a club after and expected it to be dry as well.
NTJ. Not your problem someone gets triggered by their own issues. The vast majority of people at a comedy show are drinking. Your significant other needs to grow a spine. Just because someone is being unreasonable doesn’t mean you need to bend to their stupidity.
If they were uncomfortable for being illogical and going to a place that is clearly triggering then they shouldn’t have come.” Pand0raHaze
Another User Comments:
“You are the jerk and here are my reasons why. No hate no malice. I am sure your situation has difficulties and you just sound like you want a nice date with your partner but I believe the issue is being overlooked by you.
Your partner encounters a situation that he is probably the one struggling with himself. This is an assumption of a stranger being in recovery this assumption was given by your partner. It appears to be a deflection rather than a known fact. Very much not enough reason to leave for granted. Though it is possible they could have known each other maybe from recovery or anywhere else which could explain the pamphlet and glare.
While I would have agreed on NTJ if the strangers next to you has told you to leave as they have no right is make you have to leave a public event due to personal uncomfortable in a situation in which they could have left from at any point.
For whatever reason, your partner was telling you how he wanted to leave, and your responses appear to be disregarding his feelings or own issues with drinking and being around liquor.
He called you a jerk for disregarding him rather than it being about strangers.
As you have already had to skip the pre-party to avoid drinking, it appears that the is some deep issue your partner is struggling with that you are not facing either together or with your partner. It is incredibly difficult being in a relationship with someone in recovery no matter the stage as it is a lifelong disease with a great possibility of recovery with an intense amount of lifelong daily work.
You have a fixed view on recovery and clearly, a strong will to sit for almost 3 hours while your partner is ‘bugging you’ and trying to leave a clearly uncomfortable situation for him. Seeing that pamphlet most likely triggers to remember he himself is in recovery and can not cope with the surroundings and your strong views and responses to someone you view as in recovery could be triggering in my opinion.
That’s what makes you the jerk.” InevitableBottle8886
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Recovering addict here, and I can 100% say, without a shadow of a doubt – you are absolutely right in your assessment of the situation. If he’s in active recovery, then it’s on him to protect his own recovery.
That means – if sitting next to someone drinking is triggering you, then YOU REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION. Let your partner know that at least 5 people in recovery have given you the green light, and are a little miffed that your partner pretty much ruined your night.
Yeesh. Your partner needs to apologize for calling you a jerk, and possibly even take you out on a nice date to make up for it.” ceejay413
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Why do you want to stay in a festive place, in a festive mode, when your partner isn’t comfortable?
Do you really think it’s good for your relationship to ignore his discomfort, or to try to convince him his discomfort is irrelevant just because you disagree?
As far as the couple sitting next to you that didn’t want to be around your booze, I think there’s a whole lot of context missing from this story, and probably from your understanding of their situation as well.
The truth is, lots of people try to get sober in lots of different ways. Just because you think he should get sober according to your rules doesn’t mean that’s what he has chosen. So using your rules to evaluate his behavior doesn’t really help you – it doesn’t help you understand the actual situation you are in and it doesn’t help you choose right.
Maybe it wasn’t fair for him to ask you to change your behavior to suit his needs. But more than one thing can be true. Maybe it was also unfair of you to refuse to make a really insignificant and temporary change to your day in order to make life easier for the human being in front of you.
Like, what would it actually cost you to not keep drinking this one time?” Purple_riso
