People Tell Their Worst "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Making My Daughter Apologize To My Stepmother?
“I (41F) have one daughter Sofia (16F), who lives in her own one-bedroom apartment three floors down from my husband and me. She spends most of her time in our apartment which is where she grew up but moved downstairs over the summer.
The other important background is that Sofia has quite a close relationship with my dad, but no real relationship with his wife, Sally, who she has barely seen throughout her life.
Sofia’s birthday is next month and my father will be visiting from abroad for the celebration. He asked if his wife could come and after asking Sofia I said yes.
Hotels are quite expensive in our city so I offered for my father and Sally to stay at our apartment, fully expecting that he would decline, which he did. I presumed they would find a hotel and left it at that. A few days later I got a text from Sally, asking if she and my father could stay in my daughter’s apartment while they were visiting “so that we can all have our own space”.
I thought this was impudent but told her I would ask my daughter and get back to her. Sofia said she didn’t want to come and stay upstairs because she was going to have a small party at her apartment one of the days of her birthday week which she can’t do at our apartment, and that her best friend would be staying over two nights that week.
I told Sally no, and she persisted, saying hotels were expensive, etc. but I told her that Sofia had said no and that was final.
The next day, I get a call from my dad saying Sofia had upset Sally and I needed to speak to her. He said Sofia had sent Sally a rude text uninviting her to the birthday celebrations.
I went down to Sofia’s and she showed me the conversation. Sally had taken it upon herself to text Sofia asking that she vacate her apartment. Sofia again said no and Sally kept pushing, saying how she and my father couldn’t afford to go if they had to pay for accommodation. The text messages were extremely patronizing and manipulative.
Sofia replied saying that my dad could come on his own, and since Sally is the reason they have to stay at a hotel and Sofia didn’t mind if she didn’t come. Sally didn’t reply, but obviously, she’d been tattling. After seeing the whole thread I told my dad the way I see it, Sally attempted to bully a child and she picked the wrong one.
I said Sofia had offered a viable solution to the problem and if they couldn’t afford to pay for the trip my dad was welcome to stay with me.
My father has since been texting me multiple times a day asking that Sofia apologize and saying I am making him choose between his wife and his granddaughter as now Sally is “pitching a fit”.
I don’t think I am making him choose, no one said she couldn’t come. But he seems a bit desperate and I know Sally can be very temperamental over things like this so I’m beginning to think maybe I should have asked Sofia to apologize. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ.
What I find most infuriating about this, is that sally expects Sophia to sacrifice having her friend sleep over 2 nights as well as the get-together with all her friends JUST so she gets “her own space”.
The whole purpose of them coming into town is to celebrate Sophia’s birthday, yet she seems to have no problem ruining her birthday week in every other way simply for her own comfort. Sally is selfish, entitled, manipulative, AND a bully.
Stick to your guns. If they choose not to come that’s on them.
It shows exactly where their priorities lay!” MainEgg320
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry her grandfather is wanting to come from abroad to celebrate your birthday. A 17-year-old child who I’m assuming is not paying rent for her “apartment” and your family can’t make accommodations work out? My children would jump at the chance to see their grandparents again, and would gladly give up their ‘own’ space to have them be able to celebrate.
And since none of the people sound very gracious, Sally probably doesn’t feel very comfortable. But she’s trying to do what her husband would like. And maybe slowly be able to get to know the family. I don’t like anyone being bullied but I just don’t understand this behavior whatsoever from the family.” RoyalQueasy9116
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Plainly speaking, your dad needs to be uninvited at this point. He was supposedly coming to celebrate Sofia’s birthday and instead his wife tried to completely take over Sofia’s space and destroy her plans, and when told no she turned toxic and is now demanding an apology and your dad would rather cater to her than confront her behavior.
That man doesn’t deserve to celebrate your daughter by his own actions.” Throwawayhater3343
20. AITJ For Missing The Birth Of My Grandchild To Walk My Daughter Down The Aisle?
“I am the mother to two wonderful daughters; Sophia, (32) and Nichole (26) and I’m really not sure if I was cruel toward Sophia for this decision or not. Nichole got married this year and Sophia had her first child who is my first grandchild.
I’ve had a good relationship with both of my daughters and I’ve always tried to make sure neither of them felt like I favored the other but I admit there were some rough patches with Sophia. When Nichole got engaged she asked if I would walk her down the aisle since her father has never been in her life.
I asked her what about her uncles or brother and she said no, she wanted me. I was more than happy to agree and helped her plan her wedding.
My daughter Sophia announced her pregnancy around the beginning of the year. The timing panned out that she would be due after Nichole’s wedding so she asked if I would be in the delivery room with her and stay with her and her husband for a few weeks after the baby was born to help out.
I was very excited too, and since we already live in the same town and see each other almost daily, staying with her wouldn’t have been a problem at all.
Instead, Sophia went into labor almost 3 weeks early; the afternoon before Nichole’s wedding. I missed Sophia’s first call because I was helping set things up and doing last minutes errands to help with Nichole’s ceremony.
When I called her back I found out she was in labor and she wanted me to get there as soon as possible. I told Sophia I would do the best I could and would let her know immediately when I’d be there. I explained the situation to Nichole, who understandably also wanted me to be there for her but understood that Sophia wanted me with her too.
Nichole was able to move her ceremony to the morning and make it a quick 25ish-minute ceremony and there would just be a few hours between the ceremony and reception. I thought this was a good compromise that would let me be there for both of my girls. I called Sophia and she wanted me to get there that night.
I asked if her husband was with her and she said yes, so I asked her to please consider him as a second choice until I could get there. Sophia got upset and told me to forget about it.
I got to the hospital early the next afternoon and missed the birth by a couple of hours.
Sophia was so mad she didn’t want me to come in when she was moved to a room. I thought that was understandable and that she would talk to me soon but it’s been a couple of weeks now and I have tried to apologize to her. I’ve talked to my son-in-law and he said they’re both mad that I chose to ditch Sophia when she needed me most for a party.
So I am here asking an outsider’s perspective if I was wrong to not go to the hospital right away. AITJ?
Edit: I did not stay for Nichole’s reception. I left immediately following the ceremony, she still had to wait a few hours from the end of her wedding ceremony in the morning until her reception that afternoon.
It could not be pushed back later in the day due to the reception venue having an event in the evening.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk, but in the same situation I’d have made the other choice and I can see why Sophia is furious. The jealousy/difficulty in her and Nicole’s relationship aside, a first-time baby coming 3 weeks early is never good and Sophia was probably terrified. IMO, she needed you more and your lack of urgency to her situation implies you cared more about the wedding.” Objective-Elephant13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m really surprised by the responses here. A wedding is not just a party. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime event and almost by definition has parents there to celebrate (unless there’s an exceptionally strained relationship).
Childbirth is a medical procedure that usually only has 1-2 support people and in many families happens 2-3 or more times.
It’s nice, but not common or even expected, to have grandma there.
And it’s not like you planned to attend one over the other. The baby came 3 weeks early. Your other daughter rescheduled her wedding (!!) in hopes of you making both work out. How anyone could assume you intended to prioritize one kid over another or that people weren’t accommodating enough considering what was done here just baffles my mind.” newbeginingshey
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but I have to say YTJ. Childbirth is life-threatening, agonizing, terrifying, and beyond awful. The birth of your grandchild is more important than a wedding. You did ditch Sophia to go to a party, and it’s clear which daughter you like more.” possumseamstress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A reception is a party.
A wedding is another matter entirely. The baby came early, you were already hours away, the bride rescheduled the wedding, and you clearly moved heaven and earth to accommodate both daughters. I feel a bit sorry for Sophia, but sometimes it pans out like that.” Reddit User
19. AITJ For Breaking This Family Promise?
“I (19M) moved away from home for university, I made the promise to come home on weekends. This was in order to calm my Mom down as she expressed concern she would end up in the hospital from stress and my Dad said that he isn’t sure if my Mum will cope. I had every intention to go back.
I moved out two weeks ago, and I have yet to return home.
The reasons are complex. Quick context: I’m gay, and my family is Christian. They are homophobic. I developed an unhealthy lifestyle due to their unacceptance. I also have borderline personality disorder, which developed from both my parent’s mental illness and their emotional mistreatment (a term I don’t agree with but my partner uses to describe them).
However, I have also been unkind to them. I mean I tore the family apart by being a gay atheist, I had heated, brutal arguments, and I ruined peace with mental illness.
But wait, there’s more.
My parents want me to stay. In fact, they are making it so that I have to go back home.
I planned to move out independently, but they told me not to, expressed concern over my safety, and accused me of manipulating and practicing homos*******y. They even said, “I would end up in the hospital in 2 months’ time.” They also expressed valid concerns that I wasn’t ready, and that I need to get well.
I didn’t listen.
I have valid reasons to go back. For example, I promised my family that I wouldn’t cut them off. Another example is my Mom literally keeps my medication from me and she gives it to me on a week-to-week basis. I have no medication.
AITJ for not going back home, after my family wants me to and causing distress on my already stressed mother, and creating even more disharmony at home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would suggest therapy. The way you talk about “tearing the family apart” with your s*******y and religious beliefs and “ruining the peace” with your mental illness is concerning to me. None of that is your fault. You didn’t choose to be gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that) or mentally ill, and it does sound like your family is emotionally awful.
A healthy, loving family doesn’t hold necessary medication hostage just to get what they want. I’m really sorry all of this happened to you and is continuing to happen. I hope it all works out.” Apprehensive-Net2687
Another User Comments:
“NTJ contact the school about medical care, they will help you get your medicine and some counseling.
You didn’t cause any problems in your family, they caused the problems. Your mother withholding medication is mistreatment. You don’t have to cut your family off, but you don’t have to let them control you either.” bellePunk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you should talk to the pharmacy and tell them only you can pick up your medication.
Tell them why. You are especially an adult now. You shouldn’t feel guilted into going home if you don’t want to.” myalternateself
18. AITJ For Telling My Stepmother The Harsh Truth About How I Feel About Her?
“My parents divorced when I (25M) was 3. My dad met Charlotte, his wife, when I was 5. I met her when I was 6. I still remember that day because dad told me were going to meet someone important to him and she shows up, pulls me in for a hug that I tried to avoid, and tells me how excited she is to have a kid.
I remember finding it so weird back then to have some strange woman say that to me. When I went home from my dad’s later that week, Charlotte came along and told my mom she had wanted “to see where my kid lives when he’s not with his dad”. My mom laughed at her. I went to hug my mom and then went indoors which apparently Charlotte remembered because when dad picked me up the next week he had with me, she tried to force another hug that my mom stopped. Things between them were never good.
Charlotte married my dad a year later and it was a crappy day for me. She promised during her vows to always love me and be a good mom to me, but I found her weird still, and I didn’t like how pushy she was.
When I was 9 my mom got sick and she died a week before my 10th birthday.
Charlotte was insufferable during that time. She kept trying to get me to talk to her and would tell me she was sad that I talked to my granny and granddad, aka my dad’s parents, but not to her. She attempted to harass my mom whenever I was with her. She’d try to keep me away from my mom.
Dad never did anything. He never cared how I felt about it. He failed me so badly that I hate him worse than her. Charlotte only got worse with the “mom” stuff after my mom’s death. Even telling me now that she was my only mom, she thought it was only right for me to call her mom.
Dad and I started fighting about her when I was 13 and I went low contact with them once I left for college.
News that I’m getting married reached Charlotte. She attempted to reach out to find out if they were invited. She told me she would love to watch her first baby boy get married and she would love to have a moment, a special dance, with her oldest child.
She also said that she wanted me back in their lives. That they missed me. I ended up showing up at her and my dad’s while he was at work, to talk, and I told her exactly how I felt about her. How I had found her weird for years and how she had made it impossible for me to love her when she was so forceful.
I told her the day we met she was a stranger. I told her at no point did she deserve to be at the same level as my mom. I told her I would never give her the relationship she wants with me and I wanted her to know, not for the first time, how uncomfortable she made me.
She started to sob and I left.
My dad contacted me later that day and told me she was devastated when he got home, how could I say that to her. He said I was cruel and petty and spiteful. Then my uncle called and told me I had been unfair and cruel to Charlotte and that I should be more mature than that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m guessing that simply saying “no you’re not invited” wouldn’t have been enough for her. So you told her exactly why she wasn’t invited.
The thing is, you were the child. You were vulnerable enough, even before your mother died. And you were never protected, your feelings were dismissed and ignored. You never had a voice in that situation.
So now this woman finds a way to trigger you again, even though you had gone low contact with her. Talking about how she wants a mother-son dance with you at your wedding, even though you have never seen her as a mother, and your own mother is no longer here to participate in that.
It would have brought up all the old feelings of being unheard and invisible and vulnerable. And you acted accordingly.
You were not cruel or petty or spiteful or unfair. You finally had the chance to make her listen to what you had been saying since you were a child. I hope there was some healing in that for you.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“With these, I always wonder if there is any communication about their behavior before the snap. The way it was written sounds like it wasn’t something that was talked about with stepmom. Doesn’t make it right, but I wonder if things could have been more comfortable if there was a conversation or two about how you were feeling op.
Either way NTJ. You told her how you felt. She is allowed to not like it, but it doesn’t make you a jerk for saying it either.” No_Character7056
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the problem with parents that get remarried. Your new partner and their family are not a replacement for their biological family.
You can’t force a relationship and Mom is not the same title like a teacher or a boss. It’s not something you demand of a child trying to adjust to their new living situation. Especially when their other parent just died. I’m sorry you had to go through that op, and I’m sorry you have such an ignorant father.” WinterWizard9497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She came on way too strong from the beginning and practically tried to force your Mother aside from the sounds of it. Your Mum will always be your Mum. I’m sorry this lady tried to take her place.
You did the right thing going and talking to her privately about it, it’s a very mature move to do so in person so that everything is extremely clear.” Reddit User
17. AITJ For Not Getting My Friend An Anniversary Gift?
“I (20F) and my best friend Hannah (20F) have been best friends since we were babies, partly due to our mums also being childhood friends and having us play together a lot. We always buy each other birthday and Christmas gifts and celebrate holidays by hanging out together too.
Just over a week ago, Hannah hit her one-year anniversary of being in a relationship with her partner Mason (22M) which is a big deal as she has never had a relationship this long-term before. Her longest previous relationship lasted 6 months.
On our most recent catch-up, Hannah brought up a few times that their anniversary was coming up.
She told me that she had bought three gifts for Mason. She then said that Mason had on a whim recently bought her a tv box set. However, it slipped his mind that their anniversary was also coming up, and told her afterward the purchase meant he would not be able to buy another gift for their anniversary as he could not afford it.
Hannah seemed annoyed at him but brushed it off as a joke like “oh isn’t it so cute how silly and forgetful he is!”
On their one-year anniversary, I sent both Hannah and Mason short “Happy one year! ” texts. Mason replied with a “Thanks,” but Hannah did not reply.
As I mentioned previously, our mums were childhood friends and speak frequently.
Three days after Hannah and Mason’s anniversary, my mum approached me and said Hannah’s mum had said Hannah had expressed she was upset with me for not giving her an anniversary card or gift. This puzzled me because I did not think it was the norm to give someone an anniversary gift unless you are in the relationship yourself or they are married, and I didn’t think Hannah expected one from me.
I messaged Hannah straight afterward and apologized but explained that I didn’t think people usually gifted their friend a one-year anniversary gift for their relationship. She replied 10 hours later with a long text telling me how wrong it was to not get them an anniversary gift and that I don’t support her relationship with Mason because it seems that I don’t like him and that I was jealous because I’m not in a relationship but how I don’t have to take that out on them (admittedly I was skeptical of Mason at first because Hannah has a bad track record with toxic and manipulative partners but now I get along with him and trust him very well).
I texted her back and told her that she was completely mistaken and that I had no ill intention by not getting them a gift and once again apologized.
I’ve texted her multiple times since but have been left on read every time. I tried phoning her, but she doesn’t pick up. I messaged Mason too, but he hasn’t opened any of my messages.
So, am I the jerk for not buying my best friend and her partner an anniversary gift?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re not the jerk, your friend is. How did she get it into her head that friends give you gifts on your anniversary? That is not a thing. It’s not even typical for couples to give “anniversary” gifts to each other.
Anniversary gifts are typically something only married couples do, and then only for each other unless it’s like their 50th anniversary.
Stop apologizing, you did nothing to apologize for and your friend is acting very entitled.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And ditch Hannah, She sounds entitled and high maintenance especially because she seems to also dismiss the fact that Mason is also in his 20s and probably isn’t rich so her getting upset over him buying a box set and not being able to buy further gifts says it all.
She clearly has some growing up to do and needs to learn that friendship does not mean you get constant gifts from people.
Good luck to Mason, He’s going to need it.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she sounds like she’s very needy and insecure. Friends and family do NOT need to get gifts for an anniversary – that’s between partners.
I’d stop reaching out and take some time until SHE apologizes to you. How is she going to accuse you of being jealous of her for being in a relationship?” SpiritedTheme7
Another User Comments:
“Talk about Main Character Syndrome. Her being able to maintain a relationship with someone for a year has absolutely nothing to do with you.
This is something that only matters to the two of them.
How many cards has she given you for things that matter to you? “Good job getting the oil changes in your car!!” “Congratulations on having a job at the same place for a year.” “Sorry about your annual doctor’s appointment.”
Seriously, your life shouldn’t revolve around her, and it’s concerning that she thinks it does.
NTJ.” EastPractice2616
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepfather To Share My Pregnancy On Social Media?
“I’m currently expecting my first child. I don’t live close to my mom or her family, so we have a group chat going where I keep them updated on my pregnancy since I am not on social media.
I had asked them not to share anything. Then my stepfather makes a post on social media announcing he’s going to be a grandpa, that his “baby girl” is expecting and shares not only the ultrasound photo but also the name we have chosen for our baby. A friend of mine on social media told me about the post and shared a screenshot with me.
I called him up and asked him what he was thinking and how dare he do it when we had explicitly stated not to. He told me he was sorry and that he had let excitement get to him. Then he told me I should be happy because my baby is going to be loved and has their grandparents all present and excited for them.
I saw red because my dad passed several years ago so no, my baby will not have all their grandparents in their life. They are missing the one who would probably have been the best.
I told him he was being insensitive and that I needed to end the call before I said something I would regret.
The next day he sent me a text apologizing again and saying we should be closer now than ever and he feels like I am taking stuff out on him and that it’s not his fault. A few hours after that he called and told me I wouldn’t have reacted as badly if mom had shared. I told him I would still be mad.
But he especially had no right to share. That he is not my father. That he did everything he could to make my dad’s life miserable before he died and that I would always blame him for my dad’s more sudden death.
The background on that is my dad started suffering from a number of health complications about 2 months after my mom remarried. My stepfather tried to get dad to surrender custody and just “visit” but let him take over being the dad to me.
Dad refused and continued being an active participant in my life. Stepfather continued trying to take over the role. Then he told my dad he would adopt me once he was gone so I would always have a dad. Dad was still alive and still able to do stuff with me, and here was this guy who already tried to get him out of the picture telling him he would take his place.
Dad didn’t make it too long after that. He went down rapidly. My stepfather was never shy about the stuff he was saying so I always knew. The adoption never happened. I spoke to the judge and said I would never want my stepfather to be my father. I never called him dad. Never loved him or said I love you to him.
I have never hugged him. I have never ever celebrated or honored him for Father’s Day.
So when I told him that he especially had no right and that I did blame him for how my dad died, he told me I was being unfair, he told me how cold it was, that he has been in my life for 22 years now and I should embrace him and give my child the gift of a loving grandparent.
My mom then called after and told me it was mean to tell him he had no right as though he were a stranger.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and even without the added layer of him trying to replace your dad (when your dad was still present in your life!!), it would be a terrible thing to do.
You don’t announce somebody’s pregnancy before they get to share their news, and you don’t share details they trusted you with but don’t want to be shared. You would be absolutely right to be angry with anyone doing this.” PurpleMuskogee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this isn’t really about the baby and the social media post. Your relationship has a lot going on, and I would unpack with a therapist so you can make a cool-headed decision about where you stand with your stepfather.” SwimmingCritical
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, irrespective of his past actions it’s your pregnancy and therefore information is shared by your rules. Everyone should be on an info diet because of his actions now, no more details in that chat because you can’t be sure they won’t end up public. If he can’t respect your wishes, continue to cut him out further.” switchbladeeatworld
15. AITJ For Telling My Wife And Son To Get Over Their Jealousy?
“I have two children. Laurel (24) and Kevin (15). Laurel is from my first marriage.
Kevin and my wife think that I favor Laurel, but that’s just not true. They’ve complained about it over the years, but now it’s at a boiling point. The most recent complaint is that I gave her a “free house”. None of their accusations have ever been true, but this one especially isn’t.
I’ve been with the same company for over 35 years.
Decades ago, my job made me, and several other employees travel to their HQ so often that they bought us condos in the home city because it was cheaper at the time than constantly paying for hotels. At the time, property in the city was cheap. We had free use, but technically the company owned them, and they paid all expenses.
In 2020, obviously, all business travel stopped. At the time, Laurel was moving to that city with her new husband, and they were looking for a place. Because it was just sitting empty and would be for a long time, I told her that they could live in the condo until things went back to normal.
It would be safe and clean, and it would give them a chance to save for a better place of their own as they were expecting their first child. In 2021, two things happened. The company decided to shut down all physical offices for a permanent WFH (work from home), and I decided to take my retirement.
With closing the physical offices, they also really wanted to get rid of the condos. They offered them to us at an extreme discount. I didn’t want it, but Laurel did. She and her husband offered to pay the cost, and I let them. It was less than a 1/4th of the market cost, but it wasn’t free or a gift to her.
Kevin realizes that there’s not going to be anything like that for him, and he is raging about it. He claims I’ve “always done things like this” and that I “gave her a house but am probably going to kick him out at 18 like every American parent”. My wife is on his side and is angry that I “let” Laurel be a stay-at-home mother and not her.
None of these things are true. I didn’t give her a free house. I let her buy one for a discount because she happened to be buying at the exact time that there was an opportunity for one. Also, she got to be a stay-at-home mother because she happened to be having a baby at the only time in modern history that required people to stay home, not because I was funding her.
I realize how it must look, but really, she just ended up doing things in special situations where there were unique opportunities. I don’t think I’m in the wrong here because I don’t treat my children differently. If I happen to come across an opportunity for Kevin to do the same with the same, I would make sure he’s aware.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But honestly, I feel like your wife is the source of what Kevin is spewing out. What 15-year-old boy cares about housing? It seems like your wife is using Kevin to try and get you to buy a property in his or her name to “even” the scoring between Kevin and Laurel.” bumblebee7310
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, the opportunity to buy the house at a huge discount wasn’t offered to everyone. It was offered to you and you gave the opportunity to your daughter knowing you could not do the same for your son in the future. There were other options you could have done so both kids benefited.
If your son feels you’re playing favorites and have been for some time then it’s definitely impacting your relationship with him. Your family needs therapy.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Well, Kevin is 15…so what does he expect? He’s an entitled kid, and your wife needs to understand that you won’t let any of your children have a harder time navigating through life if it’s at no cost to you.
You need to fix whatever you have going on with your wife, Kevin is the last person you should worry about.
NTJ: Fix your marriage dude.” tayl8raven
14. AITJ For Telling My Son He Has To Help Take Care Of His Sibilings?
“I (46F) am a mother of five. I am five months pregnant, Emily (1F), twin girls Lisa and Sophia (10F), Joshua (17m), and my oldest son Danny (21m).
We were on a trip to Hawaii a few weeks ago, my husband didn’t come because of an unexpected work emergency, but he told us to have fun.
My twins cried, A LOT, so my son Joshua and I comforted them, but Danny stood doing nothing. We had so many fun things planned to do with their father, but since he couldn’t come we didn’t end up doing much, but whatever we did, (except eat) Danny was absent from it. For example, going to the beach, banana boats, Luaus, and watching his younger sisters when they just wanted to go to the pool, he’d stay in his room on his phone, chatting with his friends.
The next week of vacation I was stressed with Danny. I hated having to put most of the work on Josh because he wanted to have fun too, and my daughters helped with the baby. I called him down to help, but he said he “wanted to relax and chill,” when we literally came here to relax, chill, and have FUN, though we weren’t having lots of fun with less help, a crying baby, two ten-year-olds who wanted to go to the pool but had to do what I had the capability of doing while carrying, and my other son who wanted to get away from his sisters for at least an hour.
It was a mess.
I shouted at him “If you can’t step up and help the woman who gave birth to you, lets you live in her house rent-free while giving you a job, and lets you buy silly games instead of getting an apartment, then you can get out of my house and pay for your own stuff.” He looked shocked and left, and just about an hour after my in-laws called, asking me why I’d shout at my son when he did nothing, I told them, “Yeah he’s been doing nothing except eating and chatting in his room with his silly friends, instead of helping his mother and siblings,” and hung up.
When we got back from our vacation, my husband yelled at our son for not helping and sent him up to his room. Lots of our family are on my side, but my in-laws think I was in the wrong, so AITJ?
EDIT: I should’ve added more details to avoid confusion. Danny does minimal work, I am not that type of parent.
He babysits once or twice a month when his dad and I want to have some time alone. Josh also steps up as frequently as Danny too. Danny does also have a job I gave him, but he is an introvert, stays in his room all day, every day when he doesn’t have work which is only twice or three times a week, and only gets out to eat or go out to parties to hang out with friends, other than that, I expect nothing less from him than, him keeping up good work in his job, and helping out every once in a while with his sisters, just as Josh does, but his dad and I do on a daily.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. These are YOUR kids. Stop making your other children do childcare for you. If you can’t handle your own children you shouldn’t have had so many. If you couldn’t handle them alone on vacation you shouldn’t have taken the vacation.
It is not your oldest child’s job to be your servant.
If you want them to pay rent or something, that’s reasonable, but they didn’t keep popping out more and more kids — you did. Those babies are no one’s responsibility but yours and your husband’s.” imothro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Danny is an adult. You don’t owe him a place to stay.
It was a family vacation–he should know that doing things with the family is part of the deal. You probably should have expressly told him that since his father couldn’t come on the trip, you expected him to help with certain things.
And even better if you had very specific items you needed help with. (E.g, “Take your sisters to the pool one hour a day.”)” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – there is so much wrong here. 21 and 17 years old can look after themselves, and you couldn’t handle two 10-year-olds and a toddler? How are you going to look after the next baby?
Why do your 10-year-olds scream so much? They are 10, not 4. Why are you treating your 22-year-old like a young teenager, giving him a part-time job and being happy with that? How will he earn enough to become independent like that? Grounding him? Expecting him to co-parent? These are not his children.” E1431
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The people here saying YTJ “because your kids aren’t his responsibility, it’s his holiday too!” are acting like going with his sisters to the pool, or spending time with his family on vacation is the greatest sacrifice since Jesus on the cross.
I especially love the people saying “you shouldn’t have had so many kids” like, wow, really??
She didn’t ask her 21-year-old to co-parent her kids, she asked him to go to the pool, and spend time with the family at the beach and a luau.
I’m 100% the guy who hates doing those things on holiday, love just being in the room, but my mom would disintegrate my phone out of my hand with anger-induced heat vision if I tried to pull something like this on a family vacation (and I’m the youngest of two).” userabe
Expecting your oldest to be a parent instead of you is a good way to lose them. I have been where your son is. I was expected to parent my siblings. Now i dont really have a relationship with my siblings or most of my family.
13. AITJ For Telling On My Coworker?
“Backstory: about two months ago a coworker of mine accused me (22F) of stealing work from my other coworkers and it was proven that I didn’t, and I did not get in trouble.
As a result of the accusation, my job has been watching more closely to make sure no work theft is happening.
So last Friday a coworker, H (28F), got caught stealing work and I think she thinks that I am the one who told, but I never left the room to talk to the manager so I don’t actually know who did.
She came back to her desk huffing and said, “Why can’t people mind their own business?” I asked what happened but she just ignored me.
So today, I noticed that every time I began a new project, she would write something on her notepad and then continue with her project. At the end of the day, she left before me and I looked at the notepad.
I found out she was tracking what projects I had and was saying that I would be “pretending to be busy” to avoid certain projects. The two times she listed as me “pretending” was me cleaning my desk off and me taping papers back together. It was very off-putting to me so I took the notes and showed them to my director.
I explained that it was incredibly irritating and uncomfortable that she was watching my every move and documenting when she thought I was being suspicious. He looked at the cameras and said it didn’t appear I was doing anything weird. I should add that this job is very tight-knit and if you fall out w one person you fall out with everyone.
Since I was accused 2 months ago no one has been nice to me at all and I feel like I’m being scrutinized for everything I do.
I have been careful and taking extra steps to make sure I’m not seen as someone who is stealing work, but it feels like I just can’t do anything right.
So AITJ for turning her notes in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as long as she left the notepad in view. Your work environment is very important, however, you not rocking the boat doesn’t pay your bills. I probably would have gone without the notes and talked about the hostile environment and how that coworker refused to speak to you today but was staring at you and taking notes.
Honestly though? Sounds like a manager needs to step in and de-escalate this drama fest in your department. Stealing work? Whoever started the accusations likely has been badmouthing you for some time because you are finishing jobs more efficiently. If management can’t do their job, you may want to start looking elsewhere.” bunnyhopskip
Another User Comments:
“All of you need to grow up and focus on your own work. She shouldn’t be monitoring what you are doing all day and you should not be looking at her notebook.” Cubadog
Another User Comments:
NTJ. She’s trying to find dirt on you for no reason. Sounds to me like you have no reason to have any suspicions placed on you.
So it sounds to me like your coworker is trying to find that dirt out of revenge rather than an actual concern. And your supervisor confirmed that you did nothing out of the ordinary.” JupiterSWarrior
12. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband Walk His Sister Down The Aisle?
“My husband, Mike (37) is the eldest in his family. He’s pretty close with his sister Beth, (28) and they spend almost all week together. Beth had issues with her father growing up.
She went no contact with him after he took her first car and damaged it. She only remained in contact with Mike since everybody else judged her for going no contact.
She’s getting married to her fiancé of 3 years. From what I understand, she and her dad are slowly getting reconciled, but she made it clear she wants him to take no part in the wedding.
She asked Mike if he could walk her down the aisle and he agreed. I have to say that I was taken aback, and it felt a bit odd for me because, her dad is alive, they’re on speaking terms again, and he’s gonna be there at the wedding so the logical thing to do is to have him walk her down the aisle.
This role isn’t for her older brother but for her father. Not to mention how FIL will feel about it. I brought this up with Beth and she had an attitude and implied that I was just saying this and objecting because of how I feel about the situation not how our traditions should be practiced. We got into an argument, and I went home.
Mike thinks I’m being unreasonable and possibly causing him to miss something so sentimental and that if anything, he feels honored to be asked to do this for her and said that I should stop worrying about what others might say.
Now we’re having this conflict (3 of us) and cannot seem to reach a solution.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You’re offering your opinion where it’s not wanted and trying to make a decision that’s not yours to make. The way this gets resolved is you saying “I’m sorry for my behavior. You are right I am objecting because of how I feel, and this is not my decision nor something I should be pushing my feelings on.” You then be happy that your husband is so close with his sister that she wants him to walk her down the aisle.
That he was there for her all of those years when no one else was.” CompletelyChaotic
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
The tradition is for the man who has been the bride’s biggest support to walk her down the aisle. Typically, that happens to be the father. In this case, it is not so. Mind your own business, you got to decide who walked you down the aisle, you don’t dictate who should walk Beth down the aisle.
It’s petty and ignorant to think otherwise, or that your thoughts on the matter should be taken into consideration.” LetThemEatHay
Another User Comments:
“The fact that somebody would alter their relationship long term with their father over a damaged vehicle seems extraordinary. It could not have been the first occurrence; I would speculate that the father was generally reckless and that was a straw that broke the camel’s back as opposed to an isolated occurrence.
As far as your husband wanting to walk his sister down the aisle after being invited to do so is not an imposition in any way it would not cause you to compromise your moral or principle beliefs.
If you could have used it to facilitate the repairing of some relationships, which seems that you actually tried to do that is reasonable.
But after your husband and sister-in-law resisted your suggestion, I would have let it go.” Important_Return_110
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Stepfamily To My Wedding?
“I (20F) don’t get along with my stepfamily. Mainly my stepfather. He and my mom got married a few years ago. My mom had me and my little sister and he brought in 5 of his kids. We all used to get along decently until the last few years
I recently got engaged to my amazing fiancé.
It was beautiful and perfect. Unfortunately, most of my side of the family was not too thrilled about it. I kept hearing how young I was and how nobody had the money for a wedding. Understandably, I was upset about it. My stepfather was and has been the worst about it.
Later when I saw him, I told him and showed him the ring.
He just looked at me and said, “You know I’m not going to act excited about this right?” I wasn’t expecting him to be happy but I wasn’t expecting him to say that. Then he went on to say he feels disrespected because he feels like he had no say/part in it. He is someone who believes in more traditional values such as “the man of the house”, asking for the daughter’s hand, children moving out at 18, etc. I don’t believe in those things.
I told my fiancé early in the relationship that I didn’t believe in asking for the daughter’s hand and that it was up to me who I marry. My stepfather knows this too and I reminded him about that after he said he felt disrespected.
Well after that interaction, his usual demeanor toward me only got worse.
He almost never talked to me unless he was criticizing me for something, complaining about me, or making snide comments. It got to the point where his kids were doing it to me as well, but ten times worse. They would put things outside my bedroom door for me to step in, corner me in my room while I was crying and wouldn’t let me out and recording it and laughing, would call me names, steal/break my stuff, etc. I would tell my mom about it and he would get mad at me and tell me if there was a problem to tell him instead of bothering my mother while she was working.
If I did tell him, he never did anything about it.
Eventually, he even started to take it out on my fiancé. One day my fiancé came over and wanted to cook a meal for him and I and my stepfather told him to leave. Telling me that he doesn’t want anyone over and to just go to his house for a meal. Now I wasn’t mad that he didn’t want anyone over, it was how he said it and what he did afterward.
Not long after he told my fiancé to leave, he told my best friend that she could come over and come over any time she wanted. After that, I decided I didn’t want him or his kids to come to my wedding because I would be worried about what they would do/say to me the whole time.
I haven’t told my mom or them that I have decided this yet because I know there is a chance she won’t come if I don’t invite my stepfamily. They have caused my already bad mental health to be even worse and I don’t want them around me on such an important day.
So would I be the jerk if I uninvited my stepfather and siblings to my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But before you go doing something as strong as uninviting the stepfamily, please get yourself safe. I assume you’re still living at home so please, start making your plans to leave – ASAP.
As for actually uninviting.. have you sent/given out formal invitations? Do you have a wedding date set?
If not then I’d recommend just keeping quiet for now. No need to create drama when you are already suffering. Protect you first.” Substantial-Fox-4905
Another User Comments:
“No. Uninvite them! Also can have someone look out for them and make sure they aren’t allowed in the venue. You risk them making the day about themselves more than you.
I had my wedding in July, and I never invited my mother. Luckily my younger brother could come as well as my grandparents but let me tell you, being able to avoid that negative energy was amazing. Only being surrounded by the ones that truly love and care about you makes the day so much more magical, and way less stressful.
No wedding is smooth or perfect, you can’t control certain things. But you can control who you’re able to celebrate with! And honestly, that’s the most important part.” Underthec21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But before you do anything in regard to a wedding, you need to be independent. Which means in your own place (alone or with fiancé or with a roommate), paying your own bills with a job (or part with scholarships/student loans if you are in college).
You cannot tell your family to get lost regarding the wedding if they are still supporting you like a child.” bkwormtricia
10. AITJ For Not Completing My Household Tasks?
“My wife told me 10 days ago that she was planning on going on a “wives” trip to NYC for an extended weekend and wanted to know if I was OK to watch our two boys. I told her not a problem, I know how hard she works as a stay-at-home mom. I wanted to give her a chance to get some R&R, and I knew that I would also get important stuff done.
She left on Friday, and I dropped my boys off with my parents so I could catch up on projects.
I took Friday evening off, as it was the first time I’d been truly alone in months. Drank some beer, ate pizza (made the way I like it, as I usually buy what the wife and kids prefer), and caught up on my favorite TV shows.
I crashed early and woke up Saturday ready to work.
I made myself a list of things I wanted done:
- fix the kitchen drawer (broken for 3 months)
- fix all 5 loose curtains rods (2 boys do a number on curtains screwed into drywall)
- clean half of the garage which is my workshop.
- get caught up on all laundry (wash, dry, and fold) nearly 5 loads!
- finish my youngest son’s room, I needed to shiplap one wall, fill the holes, and prime it.
I got through the first four items on my list, but as I was finishing one of the projects, I tweaked my back. I called my parents that night and picked the kids up the following morning. Got them home and they asked if they could play on their tablets.
I saw a golden opportunity; I could finish renovating my youngest son’s room while they play! I got to it until I had two cuts left, the bottom row. I went into my workshop to set up my table saw, and when I went to lift it, I aggravated my back injury from the day before and threw my back out.
— if you’ve never thrown your back out, it is one of the most painful things you can do. I called it a day, turned on football, and waited for my wife to come home.
She gets home, and I slowly get up and explain to her what I’d been up to while she was gone.
I showed her the things I fixed, and the progress on my son’s room. I was expecting a boatload of appreciation. Instead, my wife looked super upset and walked out of the room. I followed her and asked why she was upset. She said that if I was going to do all this work, I should have known to do our son’s room first, and everything else later.
I honestly told her I was expecting some appreciation that I had spent my weekend off catching up on all these tasks that had accumulated. Her response, in the most sarcastic and insincere tone: “Thank you… I guess.”
She then told me she was taking a break, and that I needed to handle dinner. I explained to her I was in significant pain and needed to lie down, and she just walked away.
I ended up doing dinner, two baths, and bedtime solo.
I tried talking to her today about everything, and her response was:
- it’s your fault you got hurt
- You should have managed your time better
- She deserved a break after being in the car for hours, so she took one.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I am going with YTJ. The order in which you went about these project tasks shows that these were projects you wanted to do, not that needed to be done. Cleaning up your workshop is a task that benefits you alone. Loose curtain rods are annoying, but not something noticeable except when you mess with them.
Same with the single kitchen drawer. Laundry is a household task, not a “project.” The thing the house needed to be done, the thing that was the glaring task that is on the brain every time she goes in your son’s room is the shiplap. Sure, she should have said thank you for the other fixes, but where you are the jerk is getting all bent out of shape that she was disappointed that you did a bunch of projects of things that were bothering YOU and not what really needed to be done and sounds like could only be done with you involved or you alone.
I can just hear the frustration in your wife’s comment. It’s the frustration of a spouse who has asked a bunch about finishing a project that continues to get kicked down the road. It’s the frustration of “this project is never getting finished” and “he had an entire weekend to work on projects and he still procrastinated on this.” It’s the same frustration of asking your spouse to help with the cleaning for a dinner party that evening and they choose to organize the outdoor shed and accuse their spouse of being ungrateful because they had commented last week that the shed was messy.
The point is— when you were making your list, you failed to assess what was a priority for the whole family, or at least your wife. She should not need to hand-hold your understanding of how to prioritize household projects. Not to mention, the shiplap is the project that is the most labor and time intensive— saving it for last was a bone-headed move regardless of any back issue.” anglerfishtacos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This comes from a 34 yrs married 54F farm wife. My husband often puts in 60-70 hrs a week at work and doesn’t take time off or have time to make home repairs. I am the one who does it a lot of the time. When he does have that rare day at home he lets me do whatever I want and he fixes whatever I have flagged as important.
I always thank him for what he gets done. It’s called being a good person. It shows him he is appreciated. For your wife to act the way she did says a lot about her character….and lack thereof. I see your list as having been done in the order of items used or seen most so those needed to be done first. I’d have let the room go to last as well.
Her having no understanding of your back? I deeply hope she hurts hers as badly or worse than yours just because I cannot stand people like her. So what if the kids went to their friend’s home? Ours got sent across the yard to their grandparents constantly so I could stay ahead of their messes.
My husband can’t get anything done at home if they are here. There is no shame in not having them with you while you tried to do the projects.” FugglerFan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a stay-at-home mom I see so many posts of women saying they want appreciation. I agree. it’s nice to get recognition for all we do.
but it goes both ways. Regardless of what is expected of being a homeowner, it’s nice to come home and stuff is done! It’s as simple as a thank you for doing this even though it wasn’t expected.” knuckifyoubuckingham
Another User Comments:
NTJ. I have a ton of stuff I’ve been begging my husband to get to!
These particular things are things I don’t know how to do, physically can’t do, or don’t know how he wants them done (new fencing to contain our sheep from roaming all over, busted sprinklers, heavy metal being recycled, etc..) I’m a stay-at-home mom too. If I came home from a vacation of all things to find that my husband got all (or even most) of these chores done, even though I’ve been pestering him for months to get this stuff done, I’d be so appreciative.
She needs to rest from driving from a vacation?! Wow! I can understand being tired, but she should’ve jumped right in to help & let you rest your back, or at least assisted you with the dinner & kid’s baths. Hope your back is feeling better! I’ve thrown my back & neck out numerous times…so painful!!!” Hot-Fail3728
9. AITJ For Being Upset My Husband Ate Without Me?
“My husband took me out for my birthday dinner the other night. While we were waiting on the food, I saw an old co-worker and told my husband I wanted to speak to them for a moment. While talking, I kept looking back towards our table to see if our food was out and to check on my husband.
No food that I could tell (I’m super nearsighted), and he seemed to be reading something on his phone. I wrapped up the convo (maybe 10-15 mins) only to come back to him finishing his food. I asked if he was done already and why didn’t he let me know the food was out.
He told me he had small portions, didn’t think it was a big deal, didn’t want to interrupt my conversation, etc. I asked why he didn’t motion toward me or something, he said he didn’t think it would be a big deal for him to just eat.
Now I understand what some may think about me walking over to speak to the former co-worker, it was a quick 10-15 mins conversation.
I even asked him if he cared if I went over and spoke to them for a few minutes because I had not seen them in quite some time. This wasn’t a super fancy sit-down restaurant either, our budget was tight, so we went to Cracker Barrel. I feel like he could have at least let me know the food was out or something.
A little more context, we’ve been married for 16 years with two children in their teens. Nothing like this has ever happened before.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Walking away for 15 minutes when you had food ordered and were supposed to be celebrating with your husband is way ruder than your husband eating his food while it was hot and fresh.
You should be apologetic, not indignant.” WorldWideWig
Another User Comments:
“Going against the grain here to say no jerks here.
Understandably, you wanted to speak to some people you haven’t seen in a while. And you were under the assumption that this wouldn’t disrupt your dinner with your husband, as he would call you back if the food was brought out.
Because you didn’t say ‘hey honey, I’m gonna go say hi to x and y, can you flag me down when dinner comes out?’, he reasonably assumed you would just come back when you were ready.
He wasn’t a jerk for assuming this, and you’re not a jerk for assuming he would call you over.
Just need some better communication.” Mission_Ad_2224
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If it was cool with your husband that you left him for 15 minutes, then that’s great for all involved. But for you to get mad at him that he ate the food that was in front of him is silly. Also, it’s on you to be aware if the food has been served or not.
You should’ve checked every few minutes or clearly communicated and received confirmation that your husband should let you know when the food arrived.” dbohat
Another User Comments:
“My guess is if your husband was the one to wander off, birthday or not, you would be upset with him. As a parent of three on a tight budget, night outs are few and far between.
A quick hello is one thing, but fifteen minutes? That’s a little rude. YTJ.” kcrane1969
8. AITJ For Returning My Daughter's Birthday Cake?
“I (37M) have a daughter (now 13) “Olivia” from my former relationship. Currently, I’m married to my wife who has a daughter (16) “Britney”.
So, Britney is the opposite of Olivia. for example, Britney is a social kid and Olivia is an introvert. The list is long but they’re just the complete opposite.
Olivia’s 13th birthday was 2 days ago.
She loves chocolate and I decided this is the flavor I was going to go with when I contacted the bakery. However, my wife objected since Britney absolutely hates chocolate and suggested we go with Vanilla. I said no way because for one, Olivia hates vanilla and it’s also her birthday so, she gets to have her cake with her favorite flavor.
My wife got upset and took it as in I had no regard for Britney and that we should just choose another neutral flavor instead. I shut that down and said no more discussing this because I’d already decided to go with what Olivia wanted.
On the day of the birthday, I was supposed to go get the cake but I was surprised to see my wife coming home after picking up the cake from the bakery.
I looked at it and discovered that it wasn’t a chocolate cake but a vanilla cake with small pieces of chocolate on top. I got upset thinking they got my order wrong and was about to contact them, but my wife said there was no mistake and that she called the bakery the day before and made “slight changes” to the cake to please both girls.
I was stunned I lost it on her and asked why she did that. She got defensive saying that birthdays are no “excuse” to show favoritism and that her daughter is “watching” and “observing” how I’m treating both girls. I told her off since I was the one paying then called the bakery and explained what happened. I had the cake returned and replaced with a chocolate cake.
This one was smaller, but it was fine.
My wife declined to take part in the celebration and later we got into a huge argument where she called me controlling and selfish for returning the cake instead of using this opportunity to teach Olivia to compromise so everyone’s happy. now I’m teaching her to be “selfish”.
I said that my daughter gets to act “selfish” on her birthday and that she (my wife) was teaching her daughter to be entitled. Word for word and it led to a bigger argument. We’re not talking as of now.
AITJ for returning the cake and not taking my wife’s input into consideration?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s Olivia’s birthday, not Britney’s birthday. The cake should be the flavor of what the birthday kid wants. This is a special day for Olivia, therefore there doesn’t really need to be “fairness” between your daughters. I don’t like chocolate, but when it’s my sister’s birthday, we get chocolate because it’s what she likes.
I******* up because it’s her special day.
Your wife is a jerk for going behind your back. The cake was basically vanilla to make Britney happy, with tiny bits of chocolate for the birthday girl.
Why can’t Britney learn to compromise? She’s older. And she should know that she can’t get what she wants on a day that’s NOT her birthday.” luvduvbunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course, you are right. How much do you want to bet on her daughter’s birthday there will be a vanilla cake and that for some reason won’t be considered selfish?” RedditDK2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ it’s clear your wife hates your daughter’s guts and doesn’t want her to exist. You need to divorce her asap, she is making your daughter’s life miserable.
Who knows how horribly she treats her when you are not there? Your wife is a classic evil stepmom. Besides that she is manipulative, controlling, and a liar.” National_Explorer288
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but there was a better way of handling the situation overall (on both parts), the key being, to get your daughter the smaller chocolate cake, and a small selection of mini non-chocolate flavored cupcakes.
This is something I regularly do on my birthday because many of my friends have food intolerances. Yes it is my birthday, and yes I get to choose my cake, but when it’s a celebration where others are being asked to participate and you know someone outright hates something, it’s courteous to supply an alternative option.
My main cake is what I want and love, the mini cakes are all allergy friendly and have a variety of flavors so people can pick and choose what they are in the mood for. I want everyone to enjoy my birthday – not sit and watch me pig out on cake while they stand around twiddling their thumbs.
That said what your wife did was incredibly out of line, despite having discussed things with you, and you being firm on your decision she intentionally went behind your back and expected you to be okay with it.
Without knowing how long you two have been together, Britney is 16 – she’s not looking for a dad, and you aren’t likely to become a dad in the next couple of years regardless of how much you bend to her will and desires.
It’s not favoritism to recognize that Olivia has more time at home and has a personality type that needs more accommodations. Britney also has a birthday, and when it’s her birthday she can choose hers. It’s not favoritism, it’s fairness.
But as I said, in the future consider having an alternative option for those who don’t worship at the temple of the chocolate gods at future parties.
I’m not saying go all out and break the bank, even if it was just some store-bought ones, it’s still including and providing an alternative option.” Aradene
7. AITJ For Kicking My Husband Out Of The House For Selling My Cat?
“My husband and I have been together for 2 years. We had a beautiful cat named Molly with whom he did not have any issues until recently.
Last week he kept complaining about how the cat was “annoying him” and how her meowing was distracting him from working. I replied to his complaints asking why he was just bringing it up now when we’ve had the cat for a year now.
He went off. He started yelling about how he “put up” with the cat because he loved me, and that he couldn’t bear to break it to me that he hated cats. I felt betrayed and angry since he wasn’t honest with me from the start.
The night ended with him apologizing and telling me that he really didn’t want the cat, and so, I agreed to give Molly to my cousins, as I knew they would take great care of her.
They live a few minutes away, so it would give me a good opportunity to visit her frequently. He seemed on board, and I trusted him.
The next morning Molly was gone. I originally thought she had escaped or run away until my husband told me that he sold her. I was distraught. He sold her to a random person on Gumtree, without doing proper background checks and forms.
I was furious and kicked him out. He’s now texting me, calling me stupid for kicking him out, and that he didn’t deserve any of this. AITJ?
UPDATE: I have been reunited with Molly! I guess the whole “I sold her” story was a lie since I found her at a shelter. She is healthy and happy.
I cannot thank you guys enough for your support and kindness. No updates on the husband, the lawyers are figuring things out right now. Please give all of your pets a hug from Molly and me. Thank you.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is! Who does that? You need to find the gumtree account, contact the person and tell them the cat is yours and was stolen.
Get the police involved if you need to. Keep the kitty and get rid of the horrible husband.” UpseyDai5y
Another User Comments
“25+ years later it still haunts me that an ex probably did this to his own dog who adored him.
He said that the dog “ran away”.
This is not normal human behavior.
Utterly without empathy or kindness.
People who buy small pets this way sometimes don’t want them for good reasons, it’s not always the case obviously but PLEASE PLEASE try to get her/him back.” mylifeisadankmeme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
For him to sell the cat that “fast” was in the works before he complained to you.
It was just a ploy to get you to agree to get rid of the cat, he probably just didn’t anticipate you being reasonable and finding a home for it.
This makes me so mad. I’m sorry you are married to him. Had there been any other red flags in the past? This can’t be the first instance that he has gone off the rails like this.
If ANYONE sold my pet without my permission, they would be gone from my life, I don’t care who they are.” Elysiumsw
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your husband is worst but you are ready to leave your cat just because your husband is angry? How many years did your cat spend time with you and was by your side?
Why would you adopt a cat if you are ready to throw it away for such a thing? It’s not like you got a big problem that forced you to go into a small apartment where cats are not admitted. I can understand things happen and you just have to try your best but here?
A disgusting decision that snowballed in worst.” Cyaaanure
6. AITJ For Not Helping My Husband With His Nephew?
“My husband (37) took his nephew (12) in after his dad (my husband’s brother) was diagnosed with cancer. He told me that his nephew would be staying with us till his dad completes his chemo treatment.
I agreed although he did not consult me about it first. but I told him that he’ll be his responsibility, not mine. He asked me to explain why, and I told him it was because 1. he didn’t consult me before taking his nephew in, and 2. I’m not equipped nor experienced in taking care/being committed to childcare.
I still have to cook and clean obviously. He said it was fine and that he’d be taking care of him on his own.
The other day he called me in the afternoon saying he was stuck in a 2hr meeting and asked if I could go pick his nephew up from school. I said I was having lunch with mom and discussing family issues.
He insisted but I reminded him that he said he’d be taking care of his nephew including school pickup/drop-off. I suggested he try to get off work or call some family member to go pick him up. He tried to argue but I hung up.
I went home at 3 and surprisingly found my husband there.
He was angry he started yelling at me calling me selfish and unfeeling. I told him that his lack of management wasn’t my fault. He yelled saying that my lunch with mom could’ve waited but I chose to be “petty” just to prove a point. I said that wasn’t true and told him to get over himself and stop acting like he was the victim when he put himself in this situation knowing he wouldn’t commit.
He yelled that he was trying to do all he can to help his brother out, but it was me who was playing victim after I refused to help out. We argued some more, and I ended up going to stay with my mom for the night. He texted me some choice words that’s when I turned my phone off.
We’re still arguing about it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “I suggested… he call some family member to go pick him up”. That’s exactly what he did. His wife, who should be a partner in the relationship.
You’re displaying zero empathy for a family suffering through the effects of cancer. Your husband may lose his brother, and your nephew his dad, but you’d rather score petty points because you weren’t consulted about helping a family going through Chemotherapy.
You’d better hope you never get cancer because I’m not sure you’ll have a support system.” Jay-Arr10
Another User Comments:
“Wow, this is the most cold-hearted thing I ever read. Strong YTJ here. That’s your husband and your nephew, they are your family. You speak about your nephew like he’s a dog and not a human child.
The child whose dad has cancer needing to be collected from school far outweighs your need for lunch with your mom, as does your husband’s need to be at work. Could you and your mom not have collected him together and taken him for a bite to eat afterward? Even if it’s not something you wish to do on a regular basis, why won’t you help your husband out on just one occasion?
You’re supposed to be a team, and this is one of the most selfish things I’ve ever read, fair play to your husband for putting up with this he’s a better person than me.” Personal_Fuel_9088
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set clear boundaries and he agreed to them. He simply thought that being around the kid would make you want to take on a more active role.
He could’ve explained to his employers ahead of time the situation he is in so things like this wouldn’t happen at the last minute.” -LifeIsBoring-
5. AITJ For Stealing My Stepsister's Necklace?
“I am 19F and my stepsister 20. My dad married her mom when I was 16 and she was 17, they went out for 3 years before they got married. My mom died when I was 8.
My grandmother had this beautiful necklace that has been in the family since they immigrated from Italy about ~3 generations ago. It was given to her by her mom and so on. My grandma passed a few years ago and so the necklace was given to my dad since she disowned his other siblings. So, all my life I was told that the necklace goes to the oldest child (usually the daughter) and is given when they’re 20.
Well, my stepsister turned 20 last week and one of the gifts that were given was obviously my grandma’s necklace from my dad. Not gonna lie, I lost it. My stepmother said that it “unites” us as a family and it’s good to merge family traditions. I told her that merging family traditions applies to making cookies at Christmas, not giving away familial heirlooms that are not in her bloodline.
My dad’s defense is that he’s “following” the rules, she’s the oldest and she turned 20 so she should have it.
My stepsister and I get on well enough to have dinner together once a week but she loves material things, so obviously when a pretty diamond necklace gets put in her hand, she’ll die before she lets go of it.
So, 2 days ago before I left to study abroad, I went into my stepsister’s room while she was at a party and stole the necklace back. Now I’m in Germany and my phone has been blowing up from my dad, stepsister, and stepmother. They’re basically saying I’m a brat and I need to give the necklace back before I get disowned. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From someone whose family also does these types of hand-me-down traditions where someone obtains something based on age, you have to plan for lost spouses and re-married family members. In the end, it should go to the kid who actually cares about its meaning and history. Not be thrown away as a tool to placate people who might see it only as another object.
This is how traditions are lost, even when the kids are full b***d.
Them having a piece of paper saying they’re married tied the family together. Not that necklace. It should be yours because you care enough to take care of it and can pass it on to your own kid who’s just as competent.” itsme_Imtheproblem
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the design of the necklace isn’t too complicated, I would personally take it to a jeweler and ask them to create a cheap version of it, and then send the cheap version back to try and keep the peace.” GingerbeardZA
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you stole and that’s a crime, period.
The necklace was in your dad’s possession and he is free to do with it what he wants, even if it means breaking family traditions.
You have the right to be upset and I would have understood if you cut contact with your dad about this, but you chose to steal and made yourself the bad guy.
They have every right to be mad at you.” Every_Caterpillar945
4. AITJ For Telling My Friend He Caused His Divorce?
“I (25F) recently got into an argument with my now Ex Best friend Ben (30M) who ended up divorced after he ruined his marriage. During the argument, he told me I didn’t support him as a friend should.
Basically, he forced his wife Gwen (27F), a girl I am also friends with, into an open relationship (I had warned Ben that this wasn’t gonna end the way he wanted). I had to comfort her about this because she tends to let people walk all over her. I helped her through it and convinced her to just take advantage of the situation because she was going to find someone better than my idiot best friend.
Well, 6 months later Ben comes complaining that Gwen won’t close the relationship and has been seeing this guy Martin for 4 months. He had stopped seeing other women and tried to give her more attention in hopes she’ll dump Martin but she won’t. He then asked me if I could talk some sense into her so they could close their relationship
I just deadpanned looked at him and said he was an idiot who wanted his cake and eat it too and now he had to face the consequences of his actions and I warned him this would happen. He then called me a witch and left. After three months Gwen filed for divorce, they don’t have kids and had a prenuptial so it was easy.
Ben was complaining to me again and I told him he now has what he wanted and that he could go out with whoever he wanted. He got mad at me for rubbing his face in his divorce and told me not to contact him and that all women are alike.
I myself don’t see myself as a jerk but some of our friends are saying I shouldn’t be rubbing it in his face and being smug about it.
So am I a jerk for telling him the truth about how this was going to end?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you warned him and he didn’t listen. Open relationships can work if you’re doing it for the right reasons. Ben wanted to go out with whoever he wanted but then instantly changed his mind when she starts seeing another guy.
Ben has no reason to be mad here.” chubbywhiteboy420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Just because you’re friends with someone, doesn’t mean you have to support all of their decisions. Friends do look out for each other, but also should be honest when they disagree with certain choices.
Ben messed up by wanting an open relationship with his wife WITHOUT her full consent (seems like he pressured and coerced her).
Opening the relationship started very rocky and it seems like he only wanted it so he could see other women.
You told Ben the truth about what would happen, and he didn’t listen. It’s not your fault for manipulating or getting Gwen to change her mind. She is a human being that can make her own decisions.” luvduvbunny
Another User Comments:
“Everyone except Gwen is a jerk here. He did want his cake and to eat it too, but you took so much glee in the breakdown of his marriage and the fact that he recognized his mistake. I find it hard to believe you were ever this man’s friend as you sound so happy that you correctly predicted the outcome and also couldn’t wait to rub it in.
Not once did you do anything helpful, kind, or remotely in the realm of being a decent friend.” Angelblade92
3. AITJ For Not Looking After My Sister's Kids?
“To make a long story short, I (25F) am a medical student. My free time is very limited, and I have lots and lots of commitments. My sister (33F) has 3 kids all under 10 and she often expects me to babysit for her which isn’t the main problem, but she drops them off at random times with very short notice or no notice at all.
The other day, she called saying she was on her way to drop the kids off at my place because she was attending her friend’s child-free wedding and she couldn’t take the kids with her. I had a huge argument with her on the phone because I had to study for my upcoming exam but the next thing I knew, the kids were at my doorstep and she was already back in the car and then drove off with her husband.
I was so upset I couldn’t handle it. I decided to get dressed 30 mins later and take the kids right where their mom and dad were. I drove them to the wedding which was at her friend’s house and had them go in. The men there tried to stop the kids till my sister and her husband came rushing.
My sister was shocked. She started shouting after me, but I quickly got into the car and drove off.
I went home and she started calling me. After she realized I wasn’t going to pick up, she sent a few texts calling me unhinged for putting her in this situation and embarrassing her in front of her friends.
She mentioned that by bringing the kids to the child-free wedding I disrespected her friend which affected their relationship and caused her and her husband to go home and miss out on the rest of the wedding. Her husband called later, and I picked up thinking he’d speak to me rationally like he always does but he scolded me saying that it wouldn’t hurt if I kept the kids for a few hours, and then expressed how disappointed he was and how selfish and petty I was to do this to my sister and her kids.
Now I’m thinking I should’ve sucked it up for a few hours. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister dropped her kids off at your house without prior arrangements assuming you had nothing else to do. She thinks she’s entitled to everyone else’s time and help. Hint: she’s not!
You didn’t do this to your sister.
She did it to herself. She knew she had a wedding. She should have arranged with you in advance or hired a babysitter. You did not disrespect her. On the contrary, she disrespected you and doesn’t value you or your time.
She and hubby decided to be parents. It’s their responsibility to take care of their children and not dump it on someone else when it is inconvenient for them.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never babysit again. Your sister is disrespecting your life and commitments because she really does feel hers is more important. Until now, you agreed with her. Her husband is your sister’s enabler and your breaking of the shackles doesn’t benefit him. Sure, he usually seems more reasonable, but that’s what makes him worse.
He could be better, he chooses not to. Good luck with your exams! You’ve fought for your study time, get the grades you deserve, and don’t allow your sister to be an obstacle one moment longer.” Impressive-Amoeba-97
Another User Comments:
“You, your sister, and her husband are treating the kids like props to be passed around.
What they did is wrong, flat out. There’s no denying that. If they couldn’t make honest arrangements, then they shouldn’t have attended.
By the same token, you dumping the kids at the wedding isn’t any better. I get that you have other priorities. And right now, those kids are trapped in a terrible cycle that you are, unfortunately, part of.” JollyJoeGingerbeard
2. AITJ For Telling My Stepdaughter Her Father Is Tracking Her?
“I (36F) have been married to my husband for 3 years. He has one daughter “Christine”, she’ll soon be 18 years old and he’s bought her a new car as her birthday gift.
Here’s the thing. Christine’s mom is deceased. She has a good relationship with me. In fact, not too long ago she told me I was like a second mom to her.
This of course means everything to me. However, she and her dad don’t get along that much. I have to say that he’s incredibly overprotective of her but has done things that affected their relationship. Like how he caused her to break up with her ex-partner after he got diagnosed with multiple health conditions.
Because of that, Christine has grown distant from her dad.
For her 18th birthday, he wanted to throw her a big celebration and buy her the car she always wanted to reconcile with her. They’re on ok terms now but he says he wants to gain back her trust.
2 days ago, I overheard him speaking with a friend of his about installing a tracking device in the new car.
I was stunned. I brought it up with him later at night and told him how wrong this was. He said it was none of my business, but I told him that if and when Christine finds out it’s going to cause trouble. He got upset and went on about how he was just doing this out of concern and protection for her and said it was none of my business whatsoever since I didn’t buy the car.
I called him unreasonable and said that if he doesn’t back off then I’ll tell her at the party and when he hands her the key. He was shocked at this, he called me crazy and said that I shouldn’t have been snooping and listening to his private talks in the first place. I said I’d tell her, but he told me to stay out of it since it’s his daughter, not mine and that if I wanted to parent my way then I was free to have my own children.
This stung because he knows I can’t have kids due to infertility problems.
We argued about it, and I said I’d still tell her. He called me unhinged and said I get no say, nor do I have the right to get involved whatsoever. Just stay out of it, he kept repeating.
I consulted my mom, and she agreed it was none of my business.
She told me to stay out of it and not try to stir drama and cause scenes. She said I should know better and stay on my husband’s side since stepkids are always flippant. I’m torn on this but I’m still insisting on it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ CHECK YOUR CAR AND DEVICES FOR TRACKERS/SPYWARE!
If he’s doing it to her on the sly he may have/probably has done the same to you.
It’s insanely creepy and violating, and even more concerning is his “keep your mouth shut” type reaction.
Don’t walk. Run.
Preferably leave before telling your stepdaughter everything (don’t do it at the party) and make sure she knows you’re there for her.
He actually brought up your infertility issues to win this ‘argument’?! RUN!!!” Britsgirl30
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone trying to present this to you as a father-daughter conflict is off-base here. This is a man who is doubling down on his loss of control over a grown woman fed up with not being able to make her own choices by making it clear he will never allow her to live her life without his approval. What would you do if Christine were a friend in a relationship with a man like this and not your stepdaughter?
What would you want her to do for you?” mm172
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You say they are already distant and your solution is to go and tell her?!?!
I think your need to be seen as a mum, to this girl means you are trying to destroy her relationship with everyone else including her dad.
She is not your daughter so I agree with your mom to keep your nose out of it.” TheVoiceofOlaf
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My boys are in their 20s. I still track their locations and they are aware and don’t mind, they can track me too. If my partner interfered with my parenting, I would be very mad.
He parents his kids and I parent mine. Not your business. Have you thought if he got a call from her saying help me he could at least see her last location? I don’t care where my boys go or what they do and the only time I track them is if I can’t reach them after multiple attempts, we text or chat daily, and one hasn’t heard from the other.
Purely for safety in this crazy world. Are you trying to divide their relationship further and get closer to her? Mind your business as your mom said. If he starts being crazy about it and stalking her that’s a different story.” Pure-Party-9623
1. AITJ For Not Going To My Grandfather's Funeral?
“I (20F) am not close with my paternal grandfather, to me, he is a person I saw once a year at Christmas, he never acknowledged me when I tried to talk to him, and he always talked over me when I was talking to other family members, and while he was not what one could consider warm and sociable he was warmer with my cousins yet he was always particularly cold to me.
Around 13 I figured out that me putting in the effort was never going to get me anywhere with him so I stopped trying.
So now he is in hospice and the doctors are saying he won’t make it to October so my aunt has started his funeral preparations. When she told us about his prognosis she gave an approximate date for the funeral and asked would we be attending I said no and she went off on me saying how can I be so cold, that I was going to regret not going when the guilt started eating me alive, and how could I be sad about my maternal grandfather’s death yet not be upset about soon losing my paternal grandfather, etc. After about two minutes of this without her letting me get a word in edgewise, I hung up.
Since then I have been getting call after call after call from other family members which I have been ignoring.
Now my own dad who doesn’t really like his father either is playing the disappointed dad card trying to get me to cave and saying it’s what my grandfather wanted. At this point, I am at my wit’s end and I don’t know what to do.
Do I go and look like a jerk by not being sad in the slightest that he is gone, or not go and look like an uncaring ungrateful jerk?
Edit: I probably should have mentioned this originally, but my relationship with my dad’s side of the family is pretty bad, I was that family member that was invited because if they only invited my dad, mom and brother it would look bad so I was allowed to go to family events.
The only family members I would be willing to go to the funeral to support are two cousins Ben and Kyle. I have already explained why I don’t want to go to Kyle and he understands, and Ben is not invited for the “crime” of being gay. Honestly, I am not grieving, my family and I don’t really like each other, and one of the two family members I would go to support isn’t even invited. I really don’t see a point in going but the pressure from my family to go for my grandfather’s sake is starting to get to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. Your grandfather was toxic and a total jerk to you, and you don’t have to tolerate toxic people in your life or pretend to be sad after their passing.
You’re a grown woman, and you can make whatever choice you feel is right.
Your family may not understand why, but they don’t have to. It’s none of their business why you don’t want to go. You don’t have to do anything they want you to do. You need to do what you want to do, and your family can stop being nosy and hounding you about it and just mind their own business.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t go. Funerals are meant for grieving people, and for those wanting to pay respects. If you are neither of these things I would argue it would be more disrespectful to go and not care. It sounds like your family is projecting and wants you to play into an image of a person who never was and soon won’t be.
I would argue they’re the jerks for disregarding your feelings.” beansbeansbeans_69
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to judge you. I just want to share some info.
I just attended my paternal grandfather’s funeral on Saturday. I saw that jerk maybe 6 times in the last 20 yrs. My siblings didn’t bother to go. We were the outcast among his grandchildren because of our late father.
I went & caught up with 2 cousins who I hadn’t seen in a long while & talked with them & their husbands. I wasn’t sad in the slightest either. Most people there were having a good time at the wake. Nobody was upset I wasn’t upset.
What I’m getting at is you aren’t going to be the only one who isn’t sad.
Nobody seemed upset my siblings weren’t there either. 4 other cousins didn’t show up either.
You are putting too much thought into this.” Maleficent-Cable-942
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The way I see it the funeral is not for the dead it’s for the living. It’s for the piece of mind of the people who were close to those who died. The dead don’t care.
They can’t. If you really want to spite him go for it. But if you love any relatives who loved him then******* up and go. Funerals are not fun for everyone, he is family, just go.” B_Shmurda
The purpose of the trip was to celebrate Sofia, but Sally is doing the opposite. Disrespecting Sofia, not celebrating her. Sally is the jerk.
A solution was offered for Dad and Sally to stay with OP for a few days.