People Worry For What We'll Say About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Trouble-Making Brother?
“I (18 f) am the oldest of 3, I have a twin brother and another who is 16 (I’m going to call him Matt (his nickname) during this).
I have had my own apartment with my fiancé (18 m) since we graduated high school (1 year ago).
My apartment is situated downtown and there are a lot of buses since it’s also next to my school and a high school.
My twin brother lives with his best friend in another city and Matt was living with my mother until today.
(My dad divorced my mom when my youngest brother was 3 and we never talked to him again)
Matt was always a bit of a delinquent and would always disrespect everything and everyone. My mom never did anything about it. But earlier today my mom caught him smoking and drinking in his room.
She kicked him out because of it and he only had the time to get a bag of essentials. (He can go back to get all of his things later).
Matt decided to come to my apartment by bus and I let him in.
I was wearing a sports bra/top and a pair of basketball shorts, It’s my favorite outfit and I wear it a lot. After we talked for a bit I decided to let him stay the night and told him we would talk more tomorrow since I needed to take care of my fiancé who got into a minor accident a couple of days ago.
While I was walking to my room he yelled at me about how I shouldn’t wear such things because it made me look like an ‘easy girl’. I got really mad but decided to not say anything.
I took care of my fiancé for a bit before going back into the living room and finding my brother eating and making a mess all over my couch while listening to his show really loud.
I was getting even more annoyed and decided to tell him my terms at the moment instead of waiting.
I told him if he wanted to stay I can’t let him stay for free since he dropped out of high school.
I told him I give him 1 month to find a job and he needs to sleep on the couch and he can only bring his clothes since we don’t have a place for the rest of his things and that in 1 year I want him gone.
He told me I can’t kick him out or force him to do anything especially when he needs to sleep on the couch ‘like a dirty dog’ and then he called our mom who is, for stupid reasons, on his side and she started calling me a selfish jerk.
I think I might be the jerk for potentially kicking him out since he is my brother but I’m not his caretaker or legal guardian, I don’t have time, energy, or money to deal with him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he’s gonna come into your home, criticize you for what you’re wearing in your own home, make a mess of your home, and call you a selfish jerk for asking him to respect your home… he shouldn’t be in your home.
That’s not fair to you OR your fiancé.
The jerk here is your mom – for not enforcing some decent behavior, and for kicking him out. I don’t know what country you’re in, but here in the US, it’s considered child abandonment to kick him out at 16.
That’s a crime.” SirEDCaLot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your younger brother’s abusive behavior is a direct result of your mom not enforcing boundaries with him. Providing him with a place to stay is NOT your obligation.
If you or your mom are worried about him you can always tell him to visit a youth shelter, though they probably won’t let him stay either if he shows the same trashy attitude.
Also, it sounds like you’ve got a lot on your shoulders at the moment, I hope you get time to do self-care & be there for yourself too.” coquela
Another User Comments:
“Wait a second – your mother is too weak or ignorant or whatever to be a parent and set up rules and make sure he follows those rules.
Instead, she kicks him out for some petty reason – a 16-year-old smoking and drinking? What a surprise!
He continues to behave like an idiot and you set up rules and consequences and now the same mother is on his side?
What?!
NTJ, your brother is also NTJ because he obviously never faced parenting and is only partly to blame for being an idiot.
But your mother is the major jerk.” wulfenganck
19. AITJ For Letting My Partner Sleep While My Sister Was Driving?
“My sister, ‘Elise,’ drives a 2021 Mercedes Benz. It’s a super nice (and crazy expensive) car that Elise is very proud of. As a result, Elise has very strict rules surrounding her car. Some of them are reasonable, like no eating/drinking, placing your feet on the dashboard, or messing with the controls.
Other of her rules, to me, seem a bit outlandish like; No sleeping; No chewing gum; No talking loudly; No playing music that she doesn’t like.
I could go on, but these are the ones that I could think of off the top of my head.
Though I might find some of her rules a little odd, I can’t really do anything about it. It’s not my car and I rarely ride in her car anyway.
My partner, ‘Tina,’ and I have been together for almost 3 years.
She’s lovely and certainly the woman that I want to marry in the future. Elise, however, doesn’t like Tina at all.
Elise believes that Tina is ‘low-class’ and ‘pretending to be posh,’ (as opposed to actually being ‘posh’ I assume).
I think it’s nonsense and I always tell Elise to stop whenever she becomes unnecessarily passive-aggressive. Despite her views on Tina, she is usually nice and cordial towards her. Tina, for the most part, is unbothered by Elise’s opinions and is much nicer to Elise than she deserves.
Unfortunately, a close friend of Tina’s, ‘Will,’ passed away recently. His death was unexpected and Tina is heartbroken. She’s grieving and I want to be there for her.
Elise knew Will’s brother from university, and though they weren’t that close, she still wanted to pass on her condolences.
She asked to attend the wake with Tina – and even offered Tina and me a ride to the wake. It’s a 4-hour drive (one way). I didn’t want to burden Elise, but she insisted.
The journey to the wake was alright.
Although I was finding it hard not to fall asleep, everyone was silent and kept to themselves.
The journey from the wake was a bit problematic.
We leave for our house at around 6:30 PM and I could tell that Tina was exhausted. She had to wake up early to get to the wake, and she spent most of the day helping Will’s family.
She was tired, emotionally and physically.
About 2 hours in, Tina falls asleep on the ride home. I notice, but I don’t really say anything and let her rest for a few moments.
Almost 30 minutes later, Elise notices and abruptly pulls the car to a stop (we were on an empty road so we got lucky).
Tina wakes up, startled. Elise immediately starts yelling at her about disrespecting her rules, especially after she was ‘gracious enough to take her to her friend.’
I can tell Tina is confused, so I apologize but I tell Elise that she’s acting overdramatic.
She continues yelling and even threatens to leave us on the side of the road (in the middle of the night).
She eventually drops us home, but sends me a long text message about how I ‘took advantage of her kindness.’ Tina is starting to feel guilty because Elise did sacrifice a lot for us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Zero tolerance policies are zero intelligence policies.
Your sister is being deliberately belligerent to a woman who just went to a funeral and did the (apparently) heinous crime of falling asleep.
Regardless of what the ‘rule’ was, your partner deserves some leniency and empathy in this situation.
But it really is a stupid rule. Falling asleep does not damage the car or distract the driver or really do anything. It’s completely ridiculous that she stopped the car just to chew out your partner and make a stressful day even worse.
Super petty and antagonistic.” WizTachibana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister didn’t ‘sacrifice a lot for you’. She wanted to go with you because she knew the dearly departed’s brother and offered to take you and Tina for four hours.
She. Offered. To. Take. You. She doesn’t like Tina and she has proven that she cannot be a decent human being. It’s time to go no contact and allow your sister to be with her car because that’s all she truly cares about.” xPrincess_Jellyfishx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No, Elise didn’t sacrifice a lot for you guys. She insisted on going and being the driver in her car. That means she too wanted to go and was no sacrifice.
Your sister was unreasonable, and a jerk.
How is falling asleep in a car taking advantage of her kindness?
I would from now on, not ride ever in your sister’s car for any reason. I also would go low contact with her if not no contact, because she is an awful person.
You don’t insist on doing something, and then throw it back into the faces of those you insisted on doing something for.” Whiskeygirl81
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Leave My Pregnant Wife At Home?
“My wife is currently seven months pregnant and has been having a rough pregnancy. She is also pretty emotional right now which is to be expected. My mom has a birthday coming up and I wanted to take her to dinner.
My mom loves seafood and picked a restaurant that is about 40 minutes away. My wife is uncomfortable being in the car for long stretches of time, and there isn’t much on the menu she could eat as she can’t have shellfish.
I explained this to my mom and she said my wife can stay home. I told her my wife is particularly sensitive right now and that would make her feel bad. My mom got annoyed and asked if she really had to pick something else because a grown woman ‘couldn’t be left home alone’.
I told her pregnancy isn’t forever and please just work with us. She said to forget it. She wants seafood and all of the good seafood restaurants are that far away. I asked her to pick another type of cuisine though (she loves Mexican and hibachi, both of which we have locally) but she yelled at me that her birthday isn’t about my wife.
I accused her of being selfish and childish and said my wife comes first, so she hung up.
Now everyone is telling me that I am a jerk, and my wife is in tears as the whole family is mad at her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. 40 minutes is not really a long drive, and your wife can either have fish (not shellfish), something else, or stay home for a few hours. Usually, when you’re treating someone for their birthday, you do something that they want to do.
Your mother is not out of line here – she could have been kinder, but you told her you were treating her to dinner, asked her to pick a restaurant, and then tried to make her change her birthday treat to suit your wife.
Pregnancy is not a free pass to behave badly, for either you or your wife.” MzzMolly
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – because this is your mom’s birthday and it’s literally one day.
What is the point of giving a gift if it’s fully on our terms?
It’s her birthday, you wanted to take her out, she gave you a place, now all of a sudden the offering has conditions? That does not seem fair.
Even the crappiest seafood restaurant has chicken tenders or a salad, or maybe she misses the dinner and makes plans with her friends for the night; these are all reasonable concessions.
Don’t ask ‘hey what would you like to do?’ Then try to guilt people into an alternative.” gurlwithdragontat2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I am not saying this to be rude but just as a fact, the world doesn’t revolve around pregnant women, and expecting entire plans (where to go and what type of food you can eat) that are centered around your wife’s pregnancy is a lot to ask of others and a little selfish.
Your mom said ‘Forget it’ and that should have been the end of it, but you of course had to keep at it by asking her to compromise, and by compromise what you meant was for her to say thank you for a birthday dinner at a place and type of cuisine she doesn’t even want.
You offered to take her out for a birthday dinner, and she got excited, but then only to find out the conditions are it has to be somewhere that caters to your wife’s needs, which essentially isn’t anything she wants to have for dinner.
I think it’s great you love your wife and put her first, but your mother’s birthday dinner is about her, not your wife. If you have to make your mom’s birthday dinner about your wife’s needs and don’t feel comfortable being away from your wife for a few hours and leaving her home, maybe you should have offered to pay for your mom and a friend of hers to go to dinner, your treat.
Or just gotten her a gift and called it a day.” redditerla
17. AITJ For Letting My Friend Who's Going Through A Divorce Stay At Our House?
“My friend wanted to leave her husband but she had nowhere to go so she felt stuck in the marriage. I offered to let her stay with me for a few months since I had the space and my fiancé was working in the US for 5 months.
When I told my fiancé she would be staying here he told me he didn’t want her staying in his home. My fiancé and my friend don’t like each other but I thought he would be okay with it since he wouldn’t be here anyway and because I explained how awful her husband was to him.
We argued about it multiple times but I couldn’t just not help her given the situation so I let her stay even though I knew he didn’t want me to.
He came home unexpectedly to surprise me and is mad because he found out she’s been living here.
He was going to tell her to leave but didn’t because I started crying and practically begged him not to but he’s still angry at me for going behind his back and letting her live here when he made it clear he didn’t want her in our home.
He wants me to tell her she has a week to leave but I told him I couldn’t because she had nowhere else to go and she only filed for divorce because I said she could stay with me while she saved for her own place so I feel responsible.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I know you wanted to help, but you should never have agreed to let her stay before consulting your fiancé about that, let alone for such a long period of time. And once you knew he wasn’t comfortable with having her there, I don’t know why you thought you could just go ahead with the plan anyway and have that work out for you.
See if you can talk him into at least two weeks’ notice, but you’re going to have to figure out other arrangements for her because your place was never actually an option.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, should you have gone behind your fiancé’s back?
No, but you were helping a friend in a desperate situation, I don’t care about the issues they have with each other any normal person should have the slightest bit of sympathy for someone in that situation. He was completely heartless for saying no over something so petty, not even mentioning the fact he won’t even be there so who cares about the fact they don’t like each other?
You were the jerk for going behind his back but he’s the jerk for saying no in the first place, sure it’s his house he has every right to say no, doesn’t mean he isn’t a jerk for it, and I think his jerkery far outweighs yours in this situation.” dumbafblonde
Another User Comments:
“What is going to happen if you guys get married? He says no to a dog. You get one anyway. He says no to your newborn son getting circumcised. You do it anyway. He says no to…fill in the blanks.
You don’t respect him. You don’t love him. You don’t anything him bc you only care about what you want. If you want a marriage that will work and last…you have to communicate. You have to listen to your partner and RESPECT their decision.
You moved someone into his home against his wishes bc you don’t respect him.” Beautiful-Act6485
16. AITJ For Banning My Partner From Using My Gaming Stuff?
“I (F 25) live with my partner (M 25) in a 2-bedroom apartment. The spare room is the game room/my art room. 100% of what is inside that room is mine, the desk, the bookcase, the DVDs, the TV, the Xbox One, the chair, the bed, blankets, stuffed animals, and the laptop.
However, I have given him complete free range to use/take anything anytime as long as I am not actively using it, my one and ONLY rule was please close the door when you are leaving the room for any reason if it will be longer than 5 minutes.
The reason for this is his jerk cat enjoys peeing on my clothes, scratching the TV, trying to sit on the Xbox, trying to pee on my stuffed animals, climbing onto the desk to try and look out of the window, and in the process knocks down all my makeup, jewelry, stationary, or he will be standing directly on the laptop screen whenever he is allowed to be alone in the room.
My partner forgot so I put up signs.
He still forgot, so I put up 2 BIGGER signs and in large black letters it says ‘CLOSE THE DOOR BEFORE YOU LEAVE PLEASE’ on 12×18 paper. He still leaves it open. It has now been 4 months, the cat has knocked down my things several times, peed on some clothes I had on the floor, and there is now a mark on the television.
I have confronted him, I have asked nicely, I have warned him, I have begged him, I have pleaded with him, I have reminded him why I need it to be closed, and he tells me he understands completely.
I have also asked what he plans to do if the cat were to destroy my things and he has confirmed he would not pay to replace anything the cat damaged after he leaves the door open.
My partner only comes into this room to play games on my Xbox, as a last desperate resort I told him he has exactly one last chance, and if he leaves the door open again he is banned from using my Xbox because he clearly doesn’t care if my things get destroyed since they aren’t things that he paid for and has to replace when they get damaged and he isn’t the one that has to do laundry constantly because the cat pees on my clothes (even when his litter box is clean, even when his bowls are full of food and water, even when he’s being given attention).
He says he gets it but also doesn’t like that I’m giving him a punishment like a little kid and that I am a jerk for banning him from a room in his home. I explained I am not banning him from the room he can do whatever he wants and still use my things when he wants to, just not the Xbox if he leaves the door open again because he needs some consequences to his lack of respect and consideration for me.
He agreed and apologized again but is still not happy and seems really defensive about me ‘punishing’ him. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He’s a trashy roommate, and that makes him an even trashier partner. He’s lucky you haven’t broken up with him and given him the boot for his inability to respect boundaries.
When a person has expressed through their words and actions that they absolutely don’t care about my space or possessions the way he has, they get reduced access to that space and those possessions. That means the door gets a deadbolt and locking knob installed, and he doesn’t get the keys to those.
‘But my lease and deposit…’ Sure, but how much are you going to spend needlessly washing clothes that used to be clean before they got peed on, replacing cables, consoles, and controllers because his cat damaged them, and replacing or buying covers for furniture to protect it from the cat?
I’m going to guess based on what I’ve read here that you paid for the pet deposit and not him, yeah? One way or the other, living with this cat and its crappy owner has already cost you money; you can choose your things or your deposit because, at this point, you can’t have both regardless of what you do.
If he doesn’t like not having access to that room, he can leave.
Hon, this should be a gigantic red flag that this person doesn’t respect you. You can’t actually love a person for whom you maintain no respect. That means he doesn’t love you, and it’s not manipulative of you to say, ‘If you can’t respect my boundaries, you have an unhealthy sense of relationships, and I can’t be in one with you like this.’ That’s really the bigger, core problem here.
Y’all need a serious conversation, and it sounds to me like he needs to go. We’re even past the point for me where I’d allow him to rehome the cat and stay. It’s clear that the cat means more to him than you.
Let them go be the couple he seems to want.” untenable681
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself to be with him. HE straight up said that he wouldn’t pay for damages caused by his cat. Legally he is actually responsible.
He does not respect you or he would not have said that regardless of how OK of a partner he is in other aspects. You should ‘accidentally’ leave the front door open every time he leaves your game room door open.
I just can’t believe you think his attitude is ok. But if you really want to continue to be his doormat, get a spring-loaded door hinge. It’s a pretty easy thing to swap out, like 6-8 screws, and then the door will shut itself.
I can tell you one thing, he’s lucky I’m not your brother or his cat’s tail would be hanging from his one brown eye…” gloryhokinetic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for banning your partner from XBox, but you’re honestly beyond comprehension for thinking your partner is a good partner after what you just wrote.
He doesn’t give a crap about you, your property, or what you have to say. When you say, ‘Close the door!’ He hears ‘BLAH BLAH BLAH!’ and replies, ‘Yeah, sure… why not?’ because he doesn’t care.
He has even told you that he is not willing to replace anything of yours that his cat breaks, because that’s YOUR problem. It’s his way of saying ‘I don’t care about you.’ WAKE UP, there are red flags all around you and you refuse to see them.” Oxfordcomma42
15. AITJ For Not Putting Up Christmas Decorations?
“I (20 f) moved into my new apartment in November. It’s been great and I love it here. I had lived with my parents previously (obviously) and every year, they (my stepmom mostly) would force me to put up Christmas decorations (a task that my stepmom always controls so I can’t even decorate it the way I want).
Every year, she says that the tree is for me and every year I say that I don’t really want/care for a Christmas tree.
Now, since I live on my own this year, I can happily go on my merry way without a Christmas tree/decorating for Christmas in general. My stepmom has asked me a few times if I’m decorating/have started decorating yet.
I’ve told her no and that I don’t really care about Christmas. If they wanna do a gift exchange then I’ll participate but I’m honestly not a super Christmas-y person.
Well, now she’s upset because I kinda blew up at her after she asked me about it again and told her that the tree was never for me because I don’t care about Christmas.
The tree was for her and she needs to stop pretending that it was for me the whole time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I know a lot of adults who don’t have Christmas trees or even decorations in their home.
Most adults without kids have better things to do than spend time and money decorating for Christmas. I mean realistically many adults don’t have a huge number of visitors, don’t have a holiday party, and get more than enough of Christmas at work and in stores.
You can’t escape Christmas decorations.
If someone wants to decorate for their own pleasure – god bless them but I don’t know any childless people who have a tree – the most might be a wreath on their front door if they have a lot of spirit.
But of course, the issue is that your stepmother has no right to have any say over OP’s home and what she does or doesn’t do in it. If OP wanted to decorate with satanic cult stuff, that would be her prerogative.
Of course, OP could also tell her no tree this year but I am doing a multicultural thing with a menorah and a kinara.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ, not because you didn’t put up a tree, but for how you conveyed the fact that you weren’t doing so.
Christmas is very much about time spent connecting with family and friends to celebrate. Saying ‘I don’t care about Christmas’ implies you don’t care about spending time with friends and family celebrating.
An accurate description of how you feel is ‘I don’t enjoy holiday decorating.’ This communicates what you object to without seeming to reject time with friends and family.
The tactful way to answer this question, however, doesn’t have to go that far into your specific likes and dislikes.
It’s kind of silly for a single person living alone to decorate for a holiday when they don’t enjoy decorating for holidays and aren’t hosting any holiday events.
‘I’ve decided not to decorate, as I live on my own, and am mostly out of the house for work or asleep when at home, and won’t really have a chance to enjoy the decorations’ answers the question without judging the holiday or the company you keep for the holiday.
And what would you put under the tree? Gifts from yourself to yourself?
Under different circumstances, it would be jerkish not to decorate. Primarily if circumstances led to you being the one hosting the family celebration, or a celebration for your friends.
In that situation, decorating appropriately for the occasion is part of being a good host.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“You are so NTJ. It’s parents/parental figures like this that drive people to insanity and therapy.
Congratulations on getting your own place.
Your home is your escape, sanctuary/retreat to do with it as you wish.
Please be firm and polite if she brings it up yet again. You don’t need to say things like ‘I don’t care about Christmas’ to someone who truly cares about that holiday.
Fine if it’s not your thing but watch your tone. I’d tell her she can’t see you if she doesn’t behave. And honestly, my hunch is she may be overbearing in other areas, too. Set boundaries now.
You don’t want to be one of those grown adults who still has boundary issues with their elders.” User
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Borrow My Wedding Dress And Modify It?
“I (32F) got married 7 years ago. My mom made my wedding dress and she also did the same for my older sister at her wedding 9 years ago.
Sadly, my mother passed away 3 years ago from cancer.
My younger sister Jess (27F) is currently engaged and her wedding will be in 1 year.
We recently met for coffee and she commented that she always wanted our mother to make her dress, but at the time she wasn’t even with her current fiancé and now she can’t anymore.
After a little chat, she asked if I still had my wedding dress, as she would like to wear it too, as it is something my mother made. I was a little disconcerted and asked if it could be our sister’s dress (she already borrowed it from someone else), as I was very attached to the wedding dress.
She said she didn’t want hers because it wasn’t white (pastel pink) and my body and hers were more similar. I said I didn’t want to, because even though we have similar bodies, it would need adjustments. I don’t want to ‘modify’ the dress.
But I could lend her the veil so she can have something from our mother.
She started complaining, saying that it wouldn’t hurt me to borrow the dress, the adjustments would be minimal, she was the only one of the sisters who can’t have something done by our mom and she basically has to turn to me to get something of hers.
She practically begged me to borrow the dress.
I feel bad for her, but I really don’t want to modify something in the dress because it’s a memory of my mom and one of the best days of my life, it was just for me.
In the face of all this, I don’t feel comfortable lending the dress, but I could make the concession of the veil. She walked away crying after I stood by my decision, saying that I was being selfish not to allow her to have any feelings close to having something done by our mother and not being able to share something so special with her too when she never will have something close to that.
People are calling me a jerk (our father, fiancé, and in-laws – except my older sister who didn’t choose ‘sides’).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Honestly, my heart breaks for both of you. You don’t want to change something your mother did for you.
She doesn’t want to be the only one without something made by your mother. It’s just really sad and you’re both hurting, and both want your mama. That’s something that doesn’t go away.
I completely understand you not wanting to let her borrow the dress and you are definitely not obligated to.
You made the choice that feels right to you and that’s admirable. Though I understand your sister getting emotional as well, she wants a piece of her mom with her too and just feels sad that she can’t share this memory with her.
I don’t really have any advice other than to be kind to each other right now. You’re both going through a lot of pain and grief and you need each other’s support through this. Would it be possible to commission a dress that matches your mom’s design?
It won’t be the same but it’ll have a bit of the spirit in there. I’m sorry you’re both going through this.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There would have been no jerks here but your sister decided to get family to start attacking you.
I feel for your sister, not being able to have her gorgeous dress made for her by her mother. It’s not fair that your mother can’t be there.
However, the circumstances of life do not entitle your sister to the dress your mother made for you.
Would it be a beautiful gesture on your part? Of course. But the fact is that your dress has a great deal of meaning to you that the required alterations could ruin. It’s a special thing between you and your mother.
Your sister’s inability to have one of her own is not your responsibility.” muffiewrites
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I say this as someone whose mother died of cancer more recently than yours, I wish so much that my mom could be at my wedding.
You got that, and your sister never will. Your mom never met her partner, and I think that makes it even more difficult. It will always be a tough day for her, and this is a way to support your sister and help her on that day.
You could make it a condition to get the dress back, or not make permanent alterations.
I can’t help but think if your mother made two wedding dresses, she’d have made other personal things for you in your lifetime.
How would your mom have felt about this? I know it’s tough to think about letting go of anything so sentimental, even if it’s only temporary, but I hope you change your mind.” alligatorhill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The dress was made to be unique and lending it to your sister will result in changes, I totally get it. If she said there were NO MODIFICATIONS to the dress I would think that maybe she should get to wear it, but something so sentimental and special shouldn’t be modified in order for someone to borrow it.
You offered her the veil.
What I do suggest she do is take pictures of it and see if she can get one custom-made for her that is just like what your mother made. No, it’s not the same, but if it were me I wouldn’t want to wear a dress that my mom made special for someone else, if I could not have her do it, then I’d find another way to have a dress made and provide pictures so I could have some of the designs incorporated.” McflyThrowaway01
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex's Stepson To Spend The Day With Us?
“My ex (35F) and I (35M) divorced early this year. We have a 3-year-old son ‘Henry’. I was awarded near full custody.
The relationship with my ex is strained but on relatively good terms. My ex’s new partner has a 12-year-old son (‘stepson’) that moved in with them.
Since the divorce, Henry has been happy and thriving with me. On the days he sees his mother, he’s not quite himself but he does relatively well.
However, when his mother and I are in the same room, Henry becomes very sad and hides between my legs or refuses to talk to anyone.
I had proposed that my ex and I (and maybe her partner) have a day where it’s just us, and Henry is the center of attention.
We do something fun, play games, etc. to show him that we are on good terms and that he doesn’t have to be withdrawn and anxious, and that he can be himself.
My ex replied by saying that she is down for it, but that her stepson should be included. I responded by saying that I completely understand her POV and that she wants her stepson to feel like part of the family, but that my goal for this particular event was focused on Henry.
I had proposed that we can do a separate event with all of us, stepson included, but that was shot down saying that stepson should be included regardless.
Stepson is a great and wonderful kid, nothing against him at all, but he has a personality that takes center stage and Henry fades into the sidelines when he is around.
Also when I am around, my ex’s stepson is very attached to me and kinda sorta pushes Henry away.
AITJ for wanting a day with just the adults and my son, even though I had offered to do another event with the stepson included?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex & her partner are being unreasonable.
Even happily married couples with more than 1 kid will have ‘special days’ with 1 child at a time. The fact that you want to spend ‘family days’ with everybody – stepson included shows you want the best for all the kids.
Henry just needs some extra time right now, really it’s up to your ex to make this happen.
The stepson is 12 not 5, at that age – if his mom explains it correctly – he’d understand how his 3-year-old ‘brother’ has been feeling anxious and needs to see all the grown-ups happy and spend an afternoon doing things a 3-year-old would enjoy.
This is a great time for stepson to have a play date at a friend’s house/visit grandma etc. That night your ex & her partner can let him pick a movie/game and make his favorite meal.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even though your child is a 3-year-old, your divorce may have taken a toll on him. Your suggestion is great in your situation to allow him to understand that even though you two, his parents, are already divorced, he still has 2 loving parents regardless.
I feel your decision on not including her stepson is valid! I hope you can find a counselor or therapist for your son and also make him understand your current situation with his mom without making anyone look bad.
Also, always remind your son that you are open to communicating with him anytime about anything, there might be something bothering him or something he doesn’t quite understand yet, but at least you are there to make him understand things!
Always remember communication and patience are your partners in parenting!” Serious-Sky-8621
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The stepson may be the reason he is withdrawn and ‘different’ when he comes home. Like you said the stepson is an awesome kid but takes center stage.
It’s not a bad thing but it’s also not helpful in this situation. You want your kiddo to be center stage to show him he matters. You can’t do that if the stepson is there. It’s just not possible.
And yes the stepson is a part of the family… but he’s not a part of your family. He is a part of the ex’s family. It’s kinda like saying ‘My parents are inviting you over to celebrate something we do so that our kid can have both parents involved’ and her saying… but my partner’s son should come too.
No. He shouldn’t. He’s not part of your family. She needs to understand there is a difference.” Beautiful-Act6485
12. AITJ For Choosing To Work On-Site?
“I work for a tech company. My husband is an aspiring author. He has had some success and we hope for more in the future.
When I got pregnant I negotiated a full year of maternity leave with my employer.
I would not lose seniority or miss out on certain aspects of profit sharing.
In return for the accommodation I made with my employer, I got a month of completely uninterrupted time with my new baby. Then I started taking on tasks from home on my own schedule.
On average it was 15 hours or so a week.
My husband writes at home so we decided that he would be the stay-at-home parent and when I was working he would care for our baby. It was a pretty good arrangement I thought.
And it was for about a month. Then he would start ignoring the baby crying, or claiming that the baby wanted me. That sort of thing. It started to interfere with my deal with my boss. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he kept interrupting me while I was working I would hire a nanny for help, but take the funds out of our fun budget.
The budget that pays for dinners out, vacations, and hobbies. He got the point and I got my one to two hours of uninterrupted time every day.
Until recently. It is almost time for me to return to work full-time.
Once again my employer was very accommodating. They were impressed with my ability to contribute meaningfully to my group during my maternity leave. So they offered me a choice of working from home, working in the office, or a hybrid schedule.
I discussed it with my husband, and he said I should choose to work from home to help more with the baby. I chose to return to the office.
I have access to a private room and a freezer so I can store milk.
I am able to interact with my team and I enjoy the environment.
My husband is saying that I’m being cruel and that my baby needs me. I said I would work from home if he got a job to pay for the nanny so it didn’t affect our budget.
He said it didn’t make sense. I almost said ‘Really, Sherlock.’
He wants me to be the main breadwinner while he tries to get published, he wants to enjoy life in an expensive city, and he wants to stay home to write.
Some of these desires are mutually exclusive without him stepping up and giving me time and space to earn a living.
We just saw his family for Thanksgiving and he was complaining to his mom about me choosing to leave him at home with the baby and returning to work.
She started in on me for my choice. I was embarrassed until his dad spoke up and reminded her that when my husband was born she was a stay-at-home mom and housewife. He said that was what my husband signed up for if he didn’t want a job.
It just became a big argument.
Now we are home and I feel bad and he says that he feels emasculated. So we are arguing. I feel like a jerk abandoning him and our baby. And his mom thinks I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He feels emasculated? Apart from the fact that that’s just an attempt at manipulation, if his masculinity is that fragile he can fix it by getting a job.
So, to clarify, he wants to stay home, not work, and not take care of the baby.
Essentially he wants to contribute literally NOTHING to the household in terms of either money or effort.
This is absurd. He is beyond entitled and selfish. You HAVE to work because nobody else is. If I were you, I’d be telling him I’ll ‘compromise’ by giving him two options.
He stays home and takes care of the baby, or you hire a nanny and he can get lost because he’s dead weight at this point.
Your FIL is right. This is what he signed up for if he didn’t want a job.
He has to pick one. Work or childcare. He doesn’t get to just say ‘neither.'” ItsAllALot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yo, your husband is trying to manipulate you, it seems like he’s done some of the baby-watching and realizes it’s gonna be rough.
One thing that has been highly upsetting is seeing how many spouses try to get the other spouse to do all kinds of stuff just because they work from home… Just because you are physically there doesn’t mean you can just stop your actual job and handle anything, this is disrespectful.
Go into the office, he has a trend of not upholding his side of things, if you stay home eventually your work will suffer.” AsuraRathalos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He wants to stay home and write, and he’s lucky enough to have a partner who is both willing and capable of providing for the family alone.
Most aspiring artists have to work a day job to make ends meet, and his is taking care of your child.
I almost said everyone sucks, but the more I thought about it, your choice to return to the office isn’t in need of a compromise.
Stay-at-home moms have been soloing multiple kids for a long time. Surely he can manage one. I get that a crying baby might interrupt his flow, but that’s just life. Could you switch to the hybrid model? Sure, but I don’t think you’re the jerk for not doing that.” chronberries
11. AITJ For Not Doing A Co-Passenger A Favor?
“I was on a 3-hour flight on an airplane traveling back home. I didn’t have any form of entertainment on me besides my phone and I had to purchase Wi-Fi to use the internet during the flight. It was 8.99 for the whole trip so I decided to purchase it since I didn’t want to be bored the entire trip.
There was a passenger sitting next to me. He asked me if I can check the score for a certain NBA game that was happening. Since I paid for the Wi-Fi, I should be able to use it however I want so I said no. He wouldn’t accept no for an answer and said it was only going to take less than 5 seconds to check the score.
I said I don’t care, you can buy Wi-Fi yourself if you want to know so badly. Would I be the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This isn’t going to be a one-time request on this trip.
The other passenger, if serious about the game, is going to constantly be interrupting you to ask for updates.
I doubt they’d be content to ask once, a few minutes into the game, and then hear nothing at all until they land.
Not to mention wanting things like streaming video of the game, highlight clips, or commentary. People who can’t wait until a flight lands to find out the score of the game are not casual about knowing what is going on.
(Plus, there is often more than one sports event going on at the same time, will they want to know about other games as well?)
Unless the game was already over and you’d only have to check once to keep this person content, I wouldn’t touch that mess with a ten-foot pole.
You paid for wifi for your own entertainment, not so a stranger could follow along with a game.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re within your rights to decline and maybe he shouldn’t have pushed it, but you’re still a jerk for not taking 5 seconds to extend a small courtesy to someone.
It’s unnecessarily petty and it’s sad that we live in a world where someone asks for a small favor that costs nothing (you wouldn’t have been paying extra for the game score) and it turns into a whole thing instead of ‘sure, why not’.
Literally, no legit reason why not in this case.” AllAFantasy30
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t an emergency. You aren’t entitled to someone’s Internet or phone unless it’s an emergency. Also, the game hadn’t happened, it was in progress. This meant that OP would have to be checking the scores throughout the flight, which is a waste of OP’s time and money.
The NBA game wasn’t important to OP, but it was important to the man. It clearly wasn’t a trivial matter to the man as he became upset when OP said no, and would not take no for an answer. So the man could have easily paid the 8.99 and checked the scores throughout the flight if he wanted to.
He didn’t. He was being a cheap jerk.” ArwenandEowyn
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
He is not entitled to your Wi-Fi or favors from you. And not taking no for an answer is not okay.
But you’re a jerk.
You could have done a literally 5-second favor for someone. You just wanted to be spiteful that you paid $9 for 3 hours and he didn’t. $0.05/min. It would have been about $0.01 to you to look it up.
It’s not like you didn’t want to see other scores or something accidentally, you just didn’t want to be nice for something so absolutely minimal to you, but meaningful to him.” Usrname52
10. WIBTJ If I Don't Cook For My Husband Anymore Because He Doesn't Help With The Dishes?
“My (28F) husband (32M) has started refusing to help clean dishes when I cook. He says I use too much cookware.
I do use more cookware because I make more elaborate meals. Not like a 3-course meal but I might make chicken thighs, salad, and homemade dinner rolls whereas he would make spaghetti or tacos. Yesterday I was cleaning up dishes from the meals I cooked the day before when he told me he would not help me clean up.
I hadn’t even asked him to help me, so I’m not sure why he felt the need to tell me that. I explained I was frustrated that he takes this stance of refusing to help me with any dishes I cook with when I go out of my way to try to help him.
I reminded him that I do things to help him like regularly cleaning his car. I also help with cleaning dishes when he cooks. He said he doesn’t ask me to do that. I’m thinking I should start making meals for just myself and I will do all my own dishes since he can’t reciprocate being helpful.
WIBTJ if I stopped cooking for my husband?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I suggest only doing this if you’ve already had several discussions about the division of labor. He sounds like he’s following what is ‘his job’ to the letter and accepting your help while benefitting from you choosing to go above and beyond to help him (and also to cook more elaborate meals).
It’s just nicer living in a household where everyone helps each other, rather than one where everyone is bitterly making sure they don’t do more than their fair share.
You can stop making meals for him (and stop helping him clean!), but I suggest you have a plan of what to do after that.
It’s a short-term solution to prove a point.” charonthemoon
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You’re in a marriage, which means partnership. If you stop cooking for him and only cook for yourself, it will make things worse for no reason.
Because then he will do the same and both of you are going to go back and forth being petty with each other. He’s a jerk for not wanting to help you but both of you should find another compromise like you not helping him clean his car or not helping him wash dishes when he cooks (he admits he doesn’t ask for your help so just stop doing it).” WickedAngelLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Personally, the person who cooks shouldn’t be expected to do the cleaning (though it’s NICE to help), but even if that wasn’t what the two of you agreed to, he’s being the jerk in the way he’s approaching it.
He could have come to you and had a conversation about it, but he’s just drawing an arbitrary line in the sand because he doesn’t want to clean dishes.
Ultimately, this is something you should sit down and have a conversation about, because if you go down this path, you’re likely to create a bigger rift, but definitely not the jerk for saying ‘Okay, if you don’t want to do the dishes, then I don’t want to do the cooking for you’.” Samael13
9. AITJ For Wanting My Kids To Respect Other People's Property?
“I have 3 kids. I have a 12-year-old son, an 8-year-old, and a 3-year-old daughter.
Each person has their own snacks that belong to them and I write down foods and names that each food belongs to. The expectation is to only eat leftover foods and snacks that did not have someone else’s name on them.
My 12 and 8-year-olds eat at home sometimes. They have plenty to eat for themselves and they are perfectly capable of making a sandwich and ramen noodles for themselves to keep them full until dinner, they will sometimes encroach on each other’s property.
My 8-year-old daughter will eat my son’s favorite meals, including pizza rolls and fruit punch soda. My son is autistic and must have pizza rolls like his life depends on it. He throws a fit every time the other kids eat his food.
My son will eat my daughter’s yogurt, which causes a fight. I’m usually the one to control the situation.
The real issue happened when we went to a family cookout and their father brought home a take-home tray of spare ribs, and ribeye steaks.
The kids had their tray of hotdogs, fried chicken, and mac and cheese. My husband wants to have his meal when he gets off work and will throw a major fit if someone eats his food.
One of my kids ate my husband’s ribeye and spare ribs, and when my husband came home from work, had a full-blown meltdown.
By the way, each take-home tray had a name on it. My kids already had theirs and they had some of my 3-year-old’s food. Husband and I fought over it, and even screamed at the kids to the point where one of them cried. I had to send the kids upstairs and spend half an hour to calm him down.
After that, I went upstairs to talk to the kids. I told them that they cannot take things that aren’t theirs, and if the food has someone else’s name on it, it’s not theirs to eat and as they can see, Dad is really mad because they ate his food.
My son cried about it and said that there was nothing else to eat in the house, despite me cooking dinner almost daily and they had plenty to eat until dinner. I told them they can have a sandwich, or some noodles or cereal, which they complained they didn’t want.
I also told them if they won’t want what’s in the house then they can wait until dinner.
Both my kids are extremely upset about what I said to them and about Dad’s outbursts. I explained it to the parents in the autism group my son goes to and they stated that I’m setting them up for eating disorders which was never my intention.
I just wanted my kids to respect other people’s property.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (kindly, because parenting is hard!)
They are kids. You guys need to parent this issue better.
Your system isn’t working. It sounds as if labeling food is bringing up fear of missing out, entitlement, and sharing issues.
Those are all age-appropriate things to struggle with and you guys should be dealing with those, not food.
You need to figure something else out because food should have healthy feelings associated with it and it sounds like this is a battleground issue instead.” okayish_22
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – to be clear, you and your husband, NOT your children.
These are your children, not your adult roommates – it sounds like you’ve created a very narrowly defined food organization system that is clearly not working for your family.
But in any case, that’s almost irrelevant to the real reason why you’re both jerks.
Your husband – a full-grown adult – had a meltdown over a plate of leftovers to the point that he screamed at one of your children so much they CRIED and based on your story, this is not at all the first time this has happened. He’s abusive and needs anger management, like, yesterday.
And you – instead of going to comfort your mistreated children – sent your children upstairs so you could calm down your husband. You are teaching your children that their emotions are secondary to their father’s anger and in fact, justifying his anger to them since they did something ‘wrong’.
Awful.” hannahsflora
Another User Comments:
“You, apparently, have four kids, even if you don’t know it. An adult having a meltdown, a tantrum because his own kids ate his food? Surprise, you married a toddler.
Yes, teach kids to be respectful of others’ property.
But your husband shouldn’t be having meltdowns at all over food, especially not because his own kids ate his. That’s just crappy. Kids will make mistakes like this sometimes, and come on, ribs and steak will definitely be a bigger draw than more regular foods.
They gave in to temptation. It happens. But an adult yelling at them until one of them cried is not okay. He’s a jerk for doing that, YTJ for allowing it to happen to your kids. Your family dynamic sounds awful.” TimisAllia
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You are both causing horrible emotional and mental damage to your children. They will grow up thinking this is what marriage is, and this is how adults/parents are supposed to behave.
You suck for not teaching your children how to respect other people’s things.
The 3-year-old gets a pass, but I doubt she’s getting in the fridge and eating food that she shouldn’t.
Your 12-year-old and 8-year-old suck because they are certainly old enough to know better than to take things that belong to others.
I’m guessing there aren’t normal consequences, which has allowed it to get to this point.
Your husband definitely sucks for having a ‘full-blown meltdown’ because someone ate his leftovers. Dude needs to grow up. If it takes half an hour for him to calm down because a CHILD ate his leftovers, there’s a much larger issue that he needs to deal with.
Both you and your husband suck so hard for fighting like that in front of your children.
Both you and your husband suck a million times for yelling and screaming at the kids until they cried.
After growing up like this, if you don’t fix this, your children will either become abusers or will end up being mistreated in their own relationships as adults.
All of you need therapy. And maybe consider if this marriage is worth the damage it’s inflicting on you and your children.” DisneyBuckeye
8. AITJ For How I Raised My Children?
“My (62) oldest daughter (f28) and I always have had a rough relationship. I had PTSD after fleeing my home country and looking back I might’ve also had postpartum depression after she was born.
I admit I’ve been very hard and strict with her, more than I did with her younger sister/my youngest daughter (24). I raised my daughter with outdated non-western principles, I see that now. But back then it seemed right because I was raised the same way.
My daughter has been struggling with depression and in my attempt to understand why we got into an argument. I’ve tried to talk about it a few times but she never wanted to. Today she was upset about her grades.
She’s a master’s student. She passed all her exams but she gets very upset and frustrated when she doesn’t get the highest score. I was trying to calm her down and cheer her on. At one point asked her: why are you like this?
She got furious and told me that I and her dad were the reason why. That her whole life she had to earn our approval. She brought up the time when she scored ‘middle education’ instead of ‘higher education’ (our country has a three-school system depending on your degrees).
I and my husband were angry and disappointed, and we did not talk to her for 2 weeks and she could not eat with us at the dinner table. She ate in the kitchen standing up or would put her plate in front of her door and knock.
I’m very embarrassed looking back at it and when she brought it up I got tears thinking that I did that to my child.
I told her that looking back we see that negative reinforcement wasn’t the right way.
I told her that we fled our home and started over elsewhere for her future so it was/is really important to us that she and her sister get high degrees, a good job, and a good salary so they have a better life than we had.
It was frustrating to us to see that she could do better than average or middle and we handled it wrongly.
I then said: ‘But we could’ve never known it would have such effects on your mental health when you got older, your sister was raised the same way and isn’t as insecure as you it’s also a little bit about you as a person’.
The conversation then escalated. She asked me where I got the nerve to blame her personality while her whole life we made her feel like she had to earn our love and approval. She said this affected her life in every aspect and it’s why she has depression.
She called me a jerk and said that I was basically saying she has a weak personality.
I know we made horrible mistakes and I’m ashamed of some of the things I’ve done. But I feel that it’s true.
Her sister was pushed the same way and isn’t so insecure to the point it affects her mental health. She isn’t insecure at all.
My husband said there was no reason to bring that up. I believe it’s not completely our parenting style that caused her depression.
AITJ for saying that to her?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You admitted in the beginning that you were harsher with your oldest than the youngest. Now you’re saying you raised them all the same way and it’s your daughter’s personality differences.
You enforced this idea that she must excel. Now she shows stress when she doesn’t and your response is ‘Why are you like this?’
This is all from your own words. Sounds like you’re constantly sending out mixed signals and contradicting yourself.
Yeah, it’s not her. It’s you. If somewhere down the line she stops talking to you don’t come back here with ‘but I don’t understand? I gave her everything.'” Fun-Statistician-550
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
OP I understand that you were raised the same way.
That you struggled to try and give your daughter a better life. You are not a bad person or wrong for the way you grew up or for trying to do your best for your kids.
The problem is, that what you did to them was still wrong, and no amount of good intentions can change that.
What was done to YOU was abuse. If you were raised the same way as you describe raising your daughter, then you were mistreated.
And before you say ‘but I turned out fine’
You turned right around and perpetuated the cycle on your own children.
You did not turn out fine.
I’m not saying this to be cruel. You don’t deserve cruelty. You deserve compassion. I don’t think you intended to hurt your kids. But you also have to own up to the fact that you DID hurt them.
Deeply. And no amount of explaining ‘why’ is going to change that.
If you want to repair the relationship with your daughter you need to apologize and you need to accept that yes, this was entirely your fault. Because until you can do that, your daughter is never going to stop blaming you, and she’s not wrong.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. While her nature may be less resilient or more prone to depression, that’s still not her fault and doesn’t negate your role in her lifelong difficulties. You just took one thing that she couldn’t control and told her she was to blame by pointing at another thing that also isn’t under her control.
I’m glad that you’ve come to realize that how you parented her may not have been the best, and I think she should give you credit for that change of heart and mind. But, I think you need to own up to all the lasting ways it has and will continue to harm your children and work toward addressing their current struggles, not just saying you wish you hadn’t done what you did in the past. Show them that you’ve changed by actually doing better now.” Illustrious-Shirt569
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Husband's Aunt For Taking Photos Of Us?
“My husband (43M) and I (32F) got married a few months ago. It was a short ceremony, followed by lunch with family and later a dinner party with more guests. I am quite an anxious person, so I requested not to invite anybody who I do not know or I do not like.
For my side, I could keep this, but my husband really wanted to invite some relatives from the countryside that I have not met before and his uncles who have a judgmental vibe. We visited the distant relatives before the wedding and I explicitly asked him to deal with a possible conflict emerging on his side.
At the wedding, I was surprised to see several people taking photos with phones and crappy cameras. The church and restaurant were quite dark so obviously none of the guest photos I saw later turned out ok. We had an excellent photographer, so I thought it is evident to just sit, enjoy and wait for the professional photos.
One of the distant relatives, L (50s F) was particularly annoying as she used flash during the ceremony. I asked my husband to say something to her, but it turned out that earlier she asked his permission to take some photos and he gave it.
I think he did not expect her to take 100 photos during the ceremony. So we just accepted that we screwed this up, and at our next wedding, we should be more careful.
After lunch, we went to take a couple of photos and encouraged guests to join us and take a few shots with us.
L was weirdly following us with her camera to the park and kept taking photos of us along with the photographer. The photographer did not care and my husband did not say anything. I think it was weird, but I did not want to stress about it.
We took our dog with us to the photoshoot and he was just too excited. It was difficult to make him stay in one place. At one moment when he happened to sit super cutely and the photographer was just about to shoot, L cut in front of him to take some photos, and I just could not hold it back and yelled at her to get out of the way of our professional photographer.
She was somewhat sulking after this and did not take more photos. I feel crappy because she had my husband’s permission and I lost control.
She probably got offended, because she did not send us her photos (we got them from my MIL) and we found out later that she did not show our professional photos to the relatives living near her (we sent them to her, as she is the only one there who can use a notebook/smartphone).
So AITJ bridezilla for snapping at her photographing us even though she had permission?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The time to tell her was when she started following you guys. You should have told your husband to say something to her.
Let him deal with his relatives. He should have done something before then. The photographer should have set boundaries (mine did when she was by guests, quietly requesting them to move out of her frame), and finally, you could have told her before snapping.
Additionally, this lady should know to read the room. So it was handled pretty trashy all around.” femmebeast
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your husband and you needed to be on the same page from the start about this.
I actually included in my wedding information that we were going to have a professional photographer and although it might be longer than taking their own photos, we’d appreciate it if folks let our photographer take the lead, and we’d share once we could.
I understand you being upset, but once your husband gave permission, you needed to deal with it before it turned into a yelling situation, preferably as soon as the ceremony was over. ‘Hey Aunty, I know my husband said you can take photos, but please try to stay out of the way of the photographer’ would have been a much more appropriate way of handling it once you knew your husband had given her his okay.
But he shouldn’t have given the okay, and she should not have been rude (though it’s a pretty common form of wedding rudeness, frustratingly).” peithecelt
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – She sucks because she shouldn’t have gotten in the way of the professional and should not have used flash during the ceremony.
As a guest, she should know to stand behind and to the side of the professional.
Your husband sucks because he didn’t ask if you were okay with the aunt taking pics.
And you suck because you were mad from the get-go that she was taking pics in general, and you were annoyed your husband gave her permission without discussing it with you.
And you then took it out on her by yelling and embarrassing her in front of everyone.” Reddit User
6. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Help My Sister Anymore?
“I (33) have a sister (27) and a brother (21). I am married and have 2 daughters (twins age 6). My husband is a home builder, I am a realtor. My husband and I have done well for ourselves.
My sister is a cosmetologist and she is struggling hard. She has 3 children ages 5, 3, and 1. Her husband lost his job 2 years ago and hasn’t worked since. They lost their apartment and are currently living in a camper trailer.
Since her older 2 children are girls we often send her nice clothes our children have grown out of because her children are growing into them.
I’ve also helped my sister financially by buying her food, paying her power bill when she couldn’t pay it, etc. My husband, dad, and brother also completely set up everything for her camper (power, plumbing, etc.). My parents have tried to help financially as well.
However, they aren’t helping themselves. They are constantly spending a lot on frivolous things, their credit is wrecked so they can’t get anything nicer. My sister is still paying on student loans, they are drowning in debt and haven’t stopped digging yet.
Also, their yard looks like a Toys R Us and a garbage truck collided and blew up, there are toys and trash everywhere.
My brother on the other hand has followed our dad into construction. He is a framer and our dad does plumbing.
He has been doing well for himself and has saved up a decent chunk of change.
So my brother and my dad called and told me they wanted a house that was in foreclosure. I dug into it and got everything together.
We put in an offer. We were the highest bidders and the offer was accepted. My brother didn’t have the full cash amount (we were aware and planned to help already) but had most of it so my husband and I along with my father threw in the rest. My brother got a loan and immediately paid us back.
The house needs some work but it isn’t awful. Just small stuff.
My sister found out we helped and now she is furious that we would give him money and buy a house for him but wouldn’t do the same for her.
We tried to explain that he paid us back immediately afterward he just needed the advance cash right then.
She has been very angry and has told the entire family we are picking favorites and our brother got a house but she is left to fend for herself.
The family knows what actually happened and she is angry no one has taken her side as well.
I’ve done everything in my power to help her but we aren’t going to just buy her a house. They have proven that they aren’t financially responsible and wouldn’t be able to even keep up with the regular expenses of being a homeowner.
All of this has left a sour taste in my mouth and I am thinking about just not even helping her anymore if this is how she is going to act.
WIBTJ if I stopped helping her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister keeps digging this hole for herself, and keeps going ‘Woe is me, how did I get in this hole!’ She needs to learn that her actions have consequences.
If I were you, I would stop financially supporting her so she learns to save funds for her needs, not her wants.
Also, two years of her SO not having a job!? Why is his behavior continuing to be enabled (assuming he isn’t disabled or there isn’t a valid reason for it)? At the end of the day, that’s your choice.
But just realize that she will do anything she can to make sure you keep giving her money, which is why she’s suddenly playing the victim game.
Your brother has been doing well for himself and has paid you back.
I highly doubt your sister has paid you back for anything.” idioticprogram
Another User Comments:
“Your sister has to learn to manage her finances. It’s obvious she isn’t ready to get a better job that will help her get herself into a better living situation, much less even getting a house.
You’ve tried to do as much as you can to help her, but she is never truly grateful, and it’s because nothing is ever good enough for her.
She expects everything to be given to her. You’ve been enabling her for years and haven’t realized it, but when you were doing something to help her out of the goodness of your heart, she took advantage of you and then continued to use up whatever resources she had available to her when she needed someone to bail her out: also you.
Sometimes people have to learn their lessons on their own. As much as we don’t want to see someone in pain or struggling, at some point we have to throw in the towel. You’ve given so much and you’ve done your best, but now you have to leave her on her own and go your own way.
You tried, and that is good enough.
People won’t know what they’ve lost and just how good they had it until it’s gone.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is clearly struggling, possibly for reasons that have nothing to do with finances.
She might benefit from a therapist or life coach to help her get unstuck or figure out if there’s an underlying issue.
You have the right to help or not help anyone you’d like. And it sounds like your family has really tried to help her move on from the situation she’s in, but if she and her husband are not cooperating there is no such thing as ‘enough’ you can do.
But. If you don’t want to enable her, but also don’t want to abandon her, you might want to make it not about helping her. Instead, focus on what you can do that will be of benefit to the kids long term.
It’s a sucky situation with no good options. I‘m sorry you’re dealing with it.” jerbrett
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Rid Of Our Cats Because Of My Pregnancy?
“I (20 f) am pregnant with my first baby. I understand that I’m on the younger side but that’s not what this is about.
My fiancé (22 m) has a mom who I’d call overbearing to put it nicely. She’s always had a need to be semi-controlling and due to a car my fiancé got as a gift she likes to hang that over our heads.
Now since I’ve gotten pregnant she’s flip-flopped on her opinion on the pregnancy, her current issue is that we have 4 cats that came well before this pregnancy did. She is adamant that we have to get rid of our pets and has already stated that since she is the one with the money her opinion is our only option regardless of what we think.
She has messaged me and my fiancé separately and I’ve chosen to ignore her messages to avoid stress on our baby. Neither of us wants to get rid of our cats because they are tiny family members and I don’t want to ask my fiancé to tell his family off as I fear they’ll take us down to one vehicle.
So AITJ for ignoring my future MIL’s texts and keeping my cats?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The age-old prejudice against cats with babies is pure ignorance. Frankly, I suspect it goes back to medieval witches’ familiar superstitions, but I can’t prove it.
Speaking of witches, your MIL has actually kind of done you a favor with her (ridiculous) ultimatum: she has shown you exactly who and what she is. Someone who will always attach strings to gifts and who will beat you about the head and shoulders with their ‘I’m older and I know better and you’re an idiot if you don’t do what I say’ shtick.
Sucks about the car though. That IS a painful lesson, and really awful timing to learn it.
Go love on your fur babies, and best of luck with the human baby!” BakeTime1089
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you really need to get her out of your relationship before she drives you apart.
And you absolutely should start doing whatever it takes to not be financially or otherwise dependent on your future MIL. If the car is in her name, then it wasn’t a gift; it was a way to make you depend on her and keep her son (and you) under her control.
Let her have it back and figure out how to make it work with 1 vehicle as soon as possible.
It’s only going to get worse now that you have a baby on the way. You need to set hard boundaries with her about the level of involvement in your life/relationship before the baby comes.
And stop taking any and all ‘gifts’ from her as they will always come with strings attached.” 1Cattywampus1
Another User Comments:
“The way you’ve explained it, it seems really straightforward to me – you simply have to decide which is more important to you, your furbabies or the second car.
Because it sounds like she’s going to force a situation where you can have one or the other. To me, the floofs would always take priority, a car can be replaced but they can’t. Plus, how dare she try to involve herself in what happens in your home.
Let her take the car away, because the alternative is you setting a precedent for her getting everything her way, it’ll be more than just your precious cats you lose, she’ll dictate your lives forever onwards.
But sure, if the car is more important to you, let her make you renege on the commitment you made to your cats and take away the only family they know.” Sprogpaws
4. WIBTJ If I Still Allow My Son's Friends To Come With Us On Our Family Trip?
“My son is 13 and he and his three friends are accompanying my family for one week to our winter house next month.
The vacation has been planned weeks in advance. All of the boys’ parents paid me for the plane tickets and I’ve already bought them. There is a fifth boy in this group, Nick (fake name). Nick wasn’t able to afford the ticket.
Nick’s mother called me and said the other three boys (not my son, who tried to get them to stop) rubbed it in his face that he wasn’t able to go. She said she called each of the boys’ parents and they made their sons apologize to Nick but she tried to get them to withdraw their sons from the trip as punishment and they refused. She said I’m the only one who can stop this trip now.
I was put in a spot because they aren’t my sons and it’s not my place to discipline them (and I later confirmed from their parents that they’ve all been disciplined by being grounded for a week or more, just not enough for Nick’s mom).
I later politely told her I can’t, but she’s been repeatedly texting me saying it’s the only way to make what they did right. My son was upset with his friends’ behavior, but he’s still really excited to go.
I thought about if I want him to have friends like that, but despite this, I know they’re fundamentally nice kids and he still loves them. I really don’t want to ruin this for him so WIBTJ if I don’t stop the three kids from coming?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here or WBTJ
I don’t think the trip should be canceled but I do think that there should be a group effort to truly apologize to Nick and the behavior should not be encouraged to ever happen again, throwing that kind of thing in someone’s face is a jerk move and 13-year-olds are little jerks as it is.
I understand why Nick’s mom is upset and I empathize with her, I mean her son is getting punished because the family doesn’t have the budget to afford it and as a kid who grew up without money, I understand her heartbreak because I saw it in my parent’s face.
But forcing her will is not the way to do it.” IamAustinCG
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only does Nick’s mom not get to decide how other children are punished, but this wouldn’t just be punishing the kids. The plane tickets are already purchased. Are they refundable or are all the other parents supposed to just lose that money?
What if they’ve already made plans for the week their children are away? Sometimes 13-year-old boys are jerks, and they need to be taught their behavior isn’t okay, but it’s up to parents to decide how to do that.” Moon-Queen95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s an unfortunate situation, and you did play a part in it by setting up the ‘poorer’ Nick to be the only one not able to come. However, the other boys aren’t your children and you don’t need to punish them for their thoughtless remarks (although it would be appropriate to share your disapproval, again, because you did set up this situation).
Vacations and so much else in life just aren’t fair. In the future, consider paying Nick’s way if you do something that only excludes one of your son’s friends like that. For this already-planned, already-paid-for trip… just go with all the boys.” Tangerine_Bouquet
3. AITJ For Feeling Sick While My Partner Was In Labor?
“My (m 22) significant other (f 21) and I had our first baby boy yesterday. I’m beyond happy and grateful, never knew being a father would make me feel this way and fill such a huge part in my life. My SO is an amazing woman and I know she’ll be an amazing mom.
It was yesterday when she went through labor and I wanted to be available for her and our child as much as possible (which is my duty). I was in the delivery room with her and she did want me to stay with her, the problem was I started feeling really nauseous when she was giving birth.
I tried to look away, hold my breath and do some breathing exercises. It was helping but at some point, I started to feel sick to my stomach. I tried to stay until she gave birth and I left right when I heard our baby’s cries and the staff congratulating us, perfect timing because I did throw up once I entered the bathroom.
I went back right away and my SO was visibly upset.
She ignored me until we were settled in our private room. I went to finish some legal papers and by the time I was done visits were open and her parents along with mine and some of our siblings were there.
She mentioned how I couldn’t even wait for a little to hold our baby before leaving, everyone backed her up and I did apologize and I’ve been trying to make it up to her but it’s embarrassing because she has been mentioning it to any visitor and that’s all they’ve been talking about since yesterday.
I tried to tell my sister to brush it off but this made it even worse and they’re saying I should stop being a jerk and own up to my mistake which I am doing.
This is not a new thing for me, I do feel nauseous at the most inappropriate times and everyone who knows me knows that too.
I did feel bad for not being there to share our son’s first moments but I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t be happy to have me throw up in the delivery room but she doesn’t want to hear any of my ‘excuses’ anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I hesitate to call you a jerk but I completely understand why your SO is so angry with you.
While you cannot always control how your body reacts to things you could have said ‘I am going to throw up,’ and grabbed a bin from inside the room.
Your SO was at the tail end of what was probably a long, painful, and exhausting birth process, and she probably feels like you put your (relatively to hers) brief discomfort over what she’d just been through/was going through.
Labor is a very scary time for some people and you literally walked out the door right at the point you were both waiting for. She probably feels like you didn’t care enough to stick it out and would have much preferred you to vomit in the corner so that you stayed with her.
And to be honest, when one partner is in labor I do feel like the laborer’s needs outweigh their partner’s (obviously there are certain exceptions to this).
Definitely try and apologize again and try your best to help her during the postpartum healing process and hopefully, she’ll end up thinking you running to go vomit is funny once she’s had some time.
No jerks here.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You can’t control how your body reacts sometimes. Goodness, I’d think someone who went through 9 months of pregnancy would be the most understanding of that. I do get that emotions and feelings were high and she probably felt she needed you in that moment, but what did she want you to do?
Barf on your newborn?
I understand her being a little upset at the moment, but for her to tell everyone who visits about it? To drag it out days later? To get everyone else to guilt you and effectively rob you of your new joy in being a dad?
This is just cruel at this point. It sounds like she cares more about that one moment than the actual baby. No, I wouldn’t even say you made a mistake here. You knew your limit, you stepped away, you gathered yourself, you came back as soon as you were able.
I think you handled it very well.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You didn’t step out because you didn’t care or felt like taking a breather, you left for a legitimate physical reason. The timing sucked, but that wasn’t something you could control.
But your SO isn’t a jerk for being unhappy either. It’s a main part of her birthing story, that after X hours of labor, she finally gave birth to her son… and you puked.
Also, the timing was really unfortunate because you puked just after watching her push the baby out.
Even though you’ve said this is an ongoing issue, I wonder if she’s thinking THAT is actually why you got sick? That you were so disgusted by the sight that it made you vomit? If that is something she might think, you need to make sure to address this with her.” thoughtandprayer
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but hopefully you two can work through it together.
‘I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t be happy to have me throw up in the delivery room’
I dunno, dude, I think she’s making it pretty clear she would’ve preferred you just ask for a bucket or bedpan or some other nearby receptacle than miss a moment you’re never getting back.
It’s not like they weren’t going to have to clean the room anyway.
That said, you can’t get the moment back. She can either accept that and focus on all the good memories and first times to come, or she can keep dragging this on.
Apologize for one last time without any attempts to justify yourself, maybe take advantage of being in the hospital to see if there are any resources that can help you work on controlling your urge to barf better in the future, and see if you can move forward from there.” User
2. AITJ For How I Responded To Someone Who Always Questions My Eating Choices?
“There’s a girl (19 F) who lives in my (19 F) hallway. Our ‘RA’ figure has hallway bonding events twice a week that people are kind of supposed to attend or are strongly encouraged to.
They are enjoyable but for this one girl.
She is always commenting on my eating choices. On one occasion, she said she had just finished dinner. I said oh, same. She asked what I thought about the dining hall options that night.
I said I had gone to a restaurant. She said in a weird way ‘That’s an expensive restaurant.’ I was like ‘I suppose.’ It wasn’t really, but I suppose it’s a nice restaurant compared to fast food or something.
On another occasion, she asks what I had been doing before the event. I said dinner. She said, ‘At a restaurant, I’m sure.’ I was like ‘Yeah, that’s what I typically do.’ I don’t like the dining hall food, so I prefer going to restaurants usually.
She said, ‘Must be nice.’ I was like ‘Yeah, it is.’ And thought what a strange girl, she does not seem to understand how to have polite social interaction.
It kept seeming to happen. She said, ‘Where did you eat tonight?’ I’m like, ‘I went to X,’ not that it’s her business.
She said in a vapid weird kind of way ‘I could never afford that.’ And still not sure why she’s asking about where I eat, I said ‘Well, it’s not like I invited you, so you don’t need to worry about if you can afford it.’ She said she doesn’t feel comfortable at our bonding events because of my aggression.”
Another User Comments:
“One great thing about university and living in rez, is you meet all sorts of people you might not otherwise meet – including people from different socio-economic backgrounds.
She sounds like she comes from a smaller town and doesn’t have a lot of money.
It could be in her family, they go out to dinner once or twice a year. She sounds very unsophisticated and socially awkward. In larger cities where there are plenty of restaurants and generally higher incomes, people eat out often once a week or more.
This could be a real revelation to her. When she asks these questions it sounds like she’s trying to process what you’re all about possibly because she’s never met anyone who does that.
I don’t think what you said was jerkish but maybe you aren’t reading her right.
You might find out where she’s coming from if you ask her a few questions about herself.
I’m going with ‘no jerks here.'” DoYouHaveAnyIdea16
Another User Comments:
“‘You seem overly interested in my eating habits. I don’t appreciate it, nor do I appreciate your speculations on my financial decisions.
Please stop making comments to me on this topic’.
She was being extremely rude by making snide comments about her perception of your eating and spending habits. And her most recent interaction, when she asked you about where you had eaten for the specific purpose of passive-aggressively criticizing you, was completely out of line.
While you did not respond to it in an ideal way, your response was perfectly appropriate to such an uncalled-for comment. NTJ.
And, if she truly didn’t mean it in a passive-aggressive way, then the only possible reason she could be commenting on it is that she does have anxiety about what she can afford.
And in that unlikely scenario, your response was still appropriate, because it basically reassured her that you were not expecting her to magically come up with the money.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like one of those interactions where tone can change everything.
Are you self-conscious about your wealth at all? Because most of the examples you used are really just observations and you’re telling it through your eyes, which means you’re adding the tone you think they had. If you are self-conscious about your wealth or spending habits then I could see why you would add the tone you did.
But honestly, the only actual concretely rude thing that was said was what you said to her. She could have been rude, or she could have been making conversation and inadvertently hit a nerve with you because you’re sensitive to the subject matter.
I’m gonna go with ‘no jerks here’ but I would really do some self-reflection if I were you and try to figure out why this hit such a sensitive nerve for you.” netnet1014
1. AITJ For Inviting My Ex-Brother-In-Law To Our Thanksgiving Dinner?
“I (F32) have 4 siblings but this issue involves my sister ‘Annie’ (F42).
Annie married her first husband when she was 21. I was pretty young then and I remember him being kind and caring. But the way Annie talks about him even now, she seems to put some type of saint status on him (surely no guy is this perfect).
He died of a sudden stroke not long after they married.
Annie then married ‘John’ (M 42/43), he’s extremely well off and a really nice guy overall, but they ended up divorcing a couple of years ago. My partner and I ended up being good friends with him.
She just kept saying it ‘isn’t working out’ or whatever, but we thought Annie just never tried and held onto her ‘young love’. Nevertheless, their decision.
My partner and I hosted a small Thanksgiving lunch this year mainly family and some friends.
We decided to invite John, as again, we consider him our friend and I assumed everyone could be civil, you know. My niece was also at lunch and I thought she and John might want to catch up as well.
My assumption Annie could be civil was completely wrong and as soon as John showed up, she started asking me why he was here and why I would invite him. I replied she knows we were still friends with John and we invited him as a friend.
John didn’t stay for long, but Annie was mad. Even my niece got involved saying we never should’ve invited John and went off at me. I eventually got tired and said it’s my house, I can invite whoever I want and now Annie’s turned my niece against John also.
He’s friends with both me and my partner and we both decided to invite him, end of story.
Some of my other siblings said we shouldn’t have invited John, and Annie was mad. I just think I should be allowed to invite whoever I want to my own house, so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Not necessarily for inviting him, but for inviting him and not letting her know beforehand. It doesn’t matter what you think about their divorce or whether or not you think she tried. You could have given her the respect, as a person, to know someone she recently divorced was going to be invited to be where she was.” niennabobenna
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes you are correct that it is your house but John is just a friend, Annie is your sister. They divorced for reasons that you may not know about but either way, it still would have been polite and respectful to your own sister to let her know that you invited John.
That way Annie and your niece could decide if they wanted to attend still or not.
Also, no Annie didn’t turn your niece against John, seems like John is just a crappy guy and they both don’t want to be around him.” Little_Grogu
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You mention your niece was going to be at the meal and you ‘thought she might want to catch up with him as well’ – why did you think that? Either she liked him enough she could have kept in touch with him herself or for whatever reason she didn’t want to see him/didn’t care to see him previously.
The same goes for your sister.
You forced this on them because you didn’t even tell them and now are being stubborn that they are rightfully upset.” junipercanuck
