People Worry They Handled Things Wrong In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Proving To A Neighbor I Wasn't Speeding On My Motorcycle?
“The speed limit in my neighborhood is 15 mph, and I take that very seriously because there are a ton of small animals and children that live in my community.
Anyway, I took my motorcycle and I was leaving my house to go for a ride yesterday evening, going 15mph on the dot, when I passed by a family in their driveway. The kids were drawing in chalk and the parents were watching them. As I was just about to pass by, I saw the dad gesture and yell something at me.
I didn’t hear him because I had a helmet on, and my exhaust system was kinda loud. So I stopped and he basically said I need to slow down because he’s got kids and I’m just speeding down the street because I think I’m so cool.
I told him I was doing the speed limit and definitely not speeding. I take that very seriously because I have almost been hit a few times by people who speed through neighborhoods.
He wasn’t buying it, and I was feeling really petty so I offered to ride by again, but record my speedometer to prove I was only going 15 and he agreed. So I put my phone on my phone mount and ride by only doing 14 mph to prove a point.
Turned around, showed him the video, and he just said “bet you feel like a big man now, huh?” Then he said to get outta here.
So am I the jerk? I understand this dude was probably just looking out for his kids, but I was literally doing nothing wrong and showed him proof.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He felt you were going fast, you proved you were driving appropriately. Then, instead of saying “ok, my bad” he doubled down and tried to insult you, clearly showing his lack of maturity. I understand wanting people to slow down in neighborhoods.
My house is at the entrance/exit of my neighborhood, so I’ve seen people rip by going very fast. But he went about it all the wrong way, and when proven wrong, he couldn’t admit it. Shows you who the real “big man” is.” Wolfenbro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t even get why you stopped to prove your point. Frankly, he’s not a police officer and you have nothing to prove to anyone. As long as you’re not speeding, you’re totally ok. As I’m French I don’t really have a clue how fast you were going but I’m gonna assume it’s 30km/h which is usually what we have in an area where there are kids around.
If you were going at that speed, whatever! He has no right to even open his mouth. Yeah, he could be upset that you were on a motorcycle and seeing the behaviour of other people on motorcycles but that’s not your problem. The only time I ever get annoyed is when motos drive at 70km/h on a 30km/h road with no helmet and flip flops and on one wheel to seem cool.
You weren’t. He’s the jerk.” glitchy-student
Another User Comments:
“The speed limit in my neighborhood is 20 mph. One of my neighbors wrote a letter about how he’s lived there a really long time, blah blah blah. Anyways basically said people are driving too fast. I’m fairly confident almost every if not all drives 20 mph.
People. Especially old people. Do not realize how fast 20 or even 15 mph is. It’s a car. Unless it’s crawling any amount of speed is going to seem scary and dangerous. Because it is. You just have to watch out for it and always always be vigilant.” spyro5433
21. AITJ For Asking My Pregnant Wife If She Wants Me To Be Honest About How She Looks?
“My wife is 24 weeks pregnant. We have been super excited about it since we found out since we’re first-time parents.
We planned a dinner with family for the coming Sunday at a fancy restaurant.
My wife has been trying to find the perfect dress to wear but has been unsuccessful so far because of multiple reasons. Either the fit isn’t good, or it’s not appropriate for the venue or something else. Her bump has been growing a lot (more than the usual) which is making it very hard for her to buy good-fitting clothes.
Yesterday, we went to a store to check out more dresses. I was sitting outside the dressing room when she came out wearing a jumpsuit. It was a very pale pink skin-tight jumpsuit with white patterns. She asked me how it looked. I felt like she looked very washed out against the dress.
More like both her complexion as well as the dress color were too pale together. I didn’t want to sound offensive to her though, plus it fitted her perfectly so I didn’t know what to say. I just told her that she looked beautiful as always and the dress fitted her form very well.
She was not satisfied by my answer though, and asked me if I was holding back anything. I asked her if she wanted me to be completely honest with her and she got upset when I asked her that. She stormed off into the dressing room and got changed into her clothes and told me that we’re going home.
When we reached home, I tried explaining to her what I meant but she said that I implied she was looking ugly or I wouldn’t have asked her if I should be honest or not. I told her that she didn’t look ugly, just very pale in the dress but she refused to talk to me and went to sleep in the guest bedroom.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say no jerks here, it sounds like you had the best intentions and I get why she was upset. But for future reference never do the “do you want me to be honest?” thing. That phrase always puts someone in a terrible position – it’s saying “I have something negative to say, but I won’t tell you what it is until you give me permission to say it, and then you can’t be mad at me because you gave me permission”.
It’s a trap. And she’s obviously going to assume the worst-case scenario instead of “not quite your color”, especially when she’s insecure and pregnant! You should have either decided to not say anything bad OR said she looked great and it fits her well, you just wish it came in a different color, she looks so great in bolder/darker/whatever colors!
Also, make your critiques about the clothing, not her. Instead of saying “it makes you look too pale and washes you out”, say “the dress is too pale and washed out.”” charonthemoon
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ the question definitely primes her to think worst-case scenario, she’s hideous, the bump looks awkward in clothes, etc next time, say the things you like and the things you don’t like (diplomacy is real) but in a way that lets her have the final say.
e.g. “that fits you really well! I like the waistline. The color is a little light, do you think they have other colors?” That way even if they don’t have other colors? You still haven’t put her down or set her up for a reaction based on volatile pregnancy hormones, when she already feels bad about her looks you meant well but like others here have said– you fell into a trap, my dude.
Learn the pitfalls. No one wants to be told they look bad, so don’t ask if they do.” adasser
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is one of those rare times in life where the rules go right out the window and logic is not your friend.
I can see your train of thought and you were trying to be honest and helpful, but it’s like watching someone walk onto a rake, unfortunately. In literally any other situation, you could’ve just spoken honestly from the start and probably been fine. Which I would encourage you to do, in other situations.
That being said, on her end, she’s not only dealing with all the hormones, but body image issues are pretty normal as well sadly. She’s not the jerk either, she’s gonna have times where from your perspective she seems unhinged, it’s just part of the process though, you gotta give her some grace when this stuff happens.
Also, as a rule of thumb for all of life, if any pregnant woman asks how she looks, the correct answer is “excellent” no matter what’s in your head, lie if you have to. (see what I mean about the rules?)” associaterogue
20. AITJ For Not Allowing My BIL To Move Into The Trailer On My Property?
“Recently my BIL quit his job for medical reasons.
His wife took a low-paying job online making a fraction of what he used to make and seems to refuse to look for anything that pays better. They also have 5 kids. Since leaving his job they’ve been quickly getting drained of money, yet best I can tell, still spend like they always did.
My wife and I have a single-wide trailer on our property that’s unoccupied and has no utility hookups.
We have spent the last three years trying to get this property set up the way we want it, then yesterday are basically just told that our BIL and his family are going to sell their house and come live in the trailer (told this, not asked in any way shape or form).
At this point, we just told them no, we didn’t want them living right in our face.
They have a spot of land in their name, and we told them they could gladly have the trailer if they just got it pulled out of here.
My wife and I would gladly do anything we could to help them, be it financially or otherwise when we can afford it. We just don’t want them right in our face, especially since we have plans for the property and have always planned to get rid of the trailer.
Now they’re mad at us, and my wife’s parents don’t seem to be too happy either. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your property. Your rules. If your wife’s parents are unhappy why don’t they open their home to their son and family? Oh yeah, because they don’t want him living there huh?
Here’s the thing, your trailer has no utilities soooo how are they going to shower, cook clean? Right, your house. Next thing you know all seven of them will have moved right on in. Nope. Perhaps if they adjusted their spending habits things might be a bit easier.” stinstin555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would be interested to know how they phrased it to your ILs. I would send a letter immediately, with proof of delivery saying something like: You called on (date) and informed us that you will be moving onto our property at (location).
The answer to this is no. This was never discussed with us, and we did not agree to it. The trailer has no hookups, and we do not want it to. As such, it is not fit for habitation. You may not occupy or alter our property.
You are welcome to the trailer, as-is, at no cost IF you move it to a different location at your own expense. If you try to move into the trailer or any other part of our property, we will immediately notify the proper authorities to have you removed. You should also get a lawyer ASAP.
You do not want them to establish any rights to your property. Or come home one day to find the utility guys at work on hookups. Your zoning may not even permit what they’re asking for, and guess who will be fined? Your ILs should offer them a place to stay, help them move the trailer, or shut up.
You’re not starting a trailer court in the backyard because they demand it.” Abject-Technician558
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They need to move the home to their own land. I’m not sure what your local zoning and housing ordinances are and how rigorously they’re enforced, but if they moved into a trailer without utility hookups, you could end up in some trouble.
You’d be a de facto landlord (even if not charging rent) and you might get into trouble for renting a home not up to code. They can tow the home to their own land or nothing. Would you consider offering to split the hauling away fee with them?
If you need it gone, you might find this to be the cheapest and easiest for you in the long run, better than paying the full tow-away cost yourself. I’m assuming it’s a pretty old home with basically no sale value? You want to get it looked at ASAP, once they reach a certain age or condition, it becomes illegal to tow away and then you have to pay for it to be demolished. This has become a huge problem in some areas, leading to hundreds of derelict trailers rotting where they sit.
I know that NC has an initiative meant to help address this issue, maybe your state does too.” adlittle
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For Damages After Hitting A Deer With My Partner's Car?
“I (31m) hit a deer with my partner’s (24f) car. So a little backstory, we were driving home on the highway from a weekend at my other house and had a great time, and a deer jumped out onto the highway. I swerved to avoid it in that braking would have flipped it over the car.
If I swerved the other way she would have taken the brunt force of the impact. If I didn’t swerve and hit it straight on there would have been extensive damage to the car across the whole front of the car and possibly the windshield.
All that was damaged was the headlight and fender.
After talking to the police and her father, we drove the car home. There was no other damage, the car drives well, except over bumps, and the highlights miraculously still work. Now my partner and her brother have called me asking me to pitch in to help pay for the damages to the car, in that it’s “my fault” that I hit a deer.
She does not have comprehensive insurance so she can’t go through insurance to have it fixed.
So AITJ if I don’t want to pay for something that wasn’t my fault, and on something I feel I mitigated how much damage could have been inflicted not only on the car but us as well?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve honestly never seen so many ridiculous responses to a post, ever. She asked him to drive the car. Just because a deer jumped out it’s automatically his fault as the driver? What?? Everyone is trying to point fingers and place blame, but the fact of the matter is, no one is truly at fault here!
Deer happen, wear and tear happens, weather happens, other drivers happen, that’s what insurance is for! It makes zero difference who was at the wheel when they are there at the owner’s explicit request! If you want to help her out with the cost of repairs, that’d be super nice of you.
But you’re NTJ.” crabcakesnseaweed
Another User Comments:
“Of course it’s your fault, who else’s? You should have driven in a way so you could have anticipated the deer, and stopped on time. It’s only fair that you chip in. They don’t even ask you to pay for everything, only to help pay.
They’re being incredibly fair and YTJ. We have a forest nearby, and even in autumn, when it’s dark, people race through it with 100+. It’s insane. I go a bit slower, scan the sides. I had a deer jump out from the side after five years of nothing happening.
Was able to stop. The guy behind me thought I wanted to annoy him by breaking and messed around with his high beams for the rest of the forest, didn’t even see the deer clearly on the road and running back into the forest after standing there for a few seconds.
Most people have zero clue when it comes to how to adjust their driving.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – why didn’t your partner drive? I’m sorry but the same thing would have happened if she was driving if not something worse. They shouldn’t even be asking you.
I can understand if you were driving recklessly or doing something illegal but you shouldn’t have to pay. That’s WHY you pay insurance for this exact reason. She should have gotten better insurance. It’s on her.
The fact that she asked you to drive makes you massively NTJ!
She is the jerk for even asking. If she asks you to drive because she hates driving she takes liability. That’s it, she could have driven her car but chose not to. Instead, she asked you. Nope. All on her. Do not pay a dime.
All these people who say that you are the jerk if they were in your shoes wouldn’t pay either. Just saying.” diewitasmile
18. AITJ For Considering Stopping My Cancer Treatment Despite My Family's Objections?
“I (53F) was diagnosed a year ago been on chemo cycles and radiation and thought I was getting a break finally but the PET scan shows cancer in my bones and spots on my lungs so now they want to give me stronger chemo and radiation and still the 5yr survival rate is 40%
I’m tired of fighting its constant bad news, tired of being sick all the time. I sat my kids and my sister down and told them I was considering stopping treatment my sister became so angry and said I was being selfish and I should want to fight to be with them to see my grandbabies grow up my kids were just silent and in shock.
So my sister is saying I’m a quitter and I should fight for them, she just won’t stop with the you can’t give up it’ll destroy the family do you want that. She says there’s a 40% chance and I should try. I’m not sure how to feel I know it’s my choice but am I being selfish am I giving up maybe she’s right.
She actually said I was a jerk for not considering their feelings and it should be a family decision.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, soft jerk on sis. I get she wants you to fight and survive, but to call you a quitter and selfish is just wrong.
Nobody but you understands what chemo and/or radiation does to your body, and how hard it is to deal with it. There are some serious, often permanent side effects from treatment. Sometimes quality is more important than quantity. Only you get to decide that.
They don’t want to lose you, and I get that, but that really is selfish on their part. And that’s okay. I’d feel the same way. I feel like your sister’s anger at the cancer is misdirected to you. Good luck with your journey.
I hope you will be surrounded with love and support, whatever you decide to do.” highwaygirl2004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t know your diagnosis. You have to decide what is best for you in this case. Cancer treatments are protracted and often painful and exhausting.
Exhausting to be point of sleeping on the chair because you’re too tired to go to bed. If you are too tired to go on, you are too tired to go on. You need to make this decision. I expect your sister to be in shock and disbelief.
And she doesn’t understand what you are going through. And all she can do is lash out and try to use guilt to get you to care. She is trying to take your choice away and make it “our choice” as a way to prevent you from making a choice that you feel is best for you.
She doesn’t understand that you may be too tired to care, or too tired to do anything. If you decide to stop treatment: harness your remaining strength and prepare everything you can in advance to limit the amount of paperwork and bureaucracy they have to deal with afterwards.
They will have some work to do in your absence, but try to avoid adding anything unneeded.” Elfich47
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ not at all. I just went through this with my mom last week. She had 40 years on you but her cancer that was in remission came back and the last 6 months the treatments and medicine just were not making her feel well plus they were not helping as much.
My family is super angry because she said she was done and wanted no more treatments etc (she was in the hospital since she was having issues) and her doctor told her/us if she stops it will be 24-48 hours. Long story short she didn’t want to fight anymore.
We are/were angry about it but my mom’s body listened and didn’t really give her a chance to go off her meds. She passed after telling us she didn’t want to fight anymore. Your family’s reaction is normal TBH but they also have to respect what you think is right for your immediate family.
It is hard to not have my mom here this last week and it makes me angry but I think that is part of the grief. But I do accept that it was my mom’s choice to go off meds/treatments. And yes I could be upset and angry but ultimately I was not the one physically suffering.
I wish you peace in whatever you decide and your family as well. I wish I had better advice to give you. Best wishes.” EvilOverLordEly
17. AITJ For Kicking Out My Disrespectful Mother-In-Law?
“Recently my mother-in-law has been coming to my house way too often on a daily basis. And if we don’t let her in she will bang on that darn door. Plus my husband begs me not to call the authorities because she has already had other offenses and he doesn’t want her to go back to jail.
The big incident came last night when I let her in and she was helping me with the kids. I have one 5-year-old and a 5-month-old daughter. Well, when she was holding my daughter she was being really disrespectful to me saying that I’m so irresponsible to not take care of my kids and that I’m a horrible mother and that I should burn.
I got furious and screamed at her to leave or I would call the cops she then proceeded to threaten me by saying if I kick her out she would call CPS.
Well, when my husband got home from work his mother had already told him about it and he screamed at me demanding that I apologize.
I of course wasn’t budging. I needed some space from him so I decided to take the kids and go to my parents’ house for a little while.
AITJ for kicking my mother-in-law out?”
Another User Comments:
“Talk to your husband immediately – ask him over.
Someone has threatened to report your kids to CPS. Doesn’t matter if it’s his mother. That’s the most horrendous disgusting thing a human, let alone family can do to innocent parents and children. He has to agree that there will now be no contact at all.
And that if she comes near you, you will file a harassment order. It works against you now that you didn’t call the police, if you had it on record then if she did ever call CPS you could show them that you’d reported her and this is an extension of the harassment.
If your husband refused to cut her out – after the worst possible thing she could do – to threaten to take your kids away from you both – then you should leave the marriage.” Big__Bang
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. I cannot understand why your hubby sided with her knowing her previous behavior.
He has begged you not to call and report her so he obviously knew what her behavior was already like. He didn’t even give you a chance to explain your side. It sounds like you need to report this ASAP. AND stay away from hubby too.
How long will it be before he starts behavior reflecting his mother’s? You also need restraining orders for MiL and an order for visitation for hubby WITH a court-appointed someone present for the kids!” mammyeagle54
Another User Comments:
“Oh good lord what a morning. First off NTJ.
Maybe a soft no jerks here but I’m feeling generous. Seriously though, are you by chance living in the Ozarks? Because this is some rural baldknobber-level nonsense. I have seen it up close, I can identify the stuff. Seriously, let me guess. MiL may or may not have an active warrant on that last case for which she maybe didn’t appear in court.
If so, please alert your local law enforcement to her location. You may live close enough to MiL that she can walk to your place. And your husband has a high school education, as do you, at best. You are very likely under 25. Your MiL is not far north of 40.
And you like each other some of the time, but you spend too much time together because extended family is a big thing where you live and also because she sometimes helps with the bills. And this is not the first screaming match you’ve had with her, nor is it the first time she’s threatened you with CPS.
And you know she’ll call them, too, if she gets her last court case cleared up. Because she and her sisters, if she has them, have done it to each other before. You should try to scrub your life of people like this. Girl, you need two things: 1) to get out, and 2) to do whatever it takes to get an education so that you can raise your kids in another environment.
It’s hard as heck but it can be done. Please value yourself and your kids more than these toxic trashbags value you.” hrhiqwm
16. AITJ For Calling My Manager Delusional For Wanting Me To Hold My Pee?
“I (f, 23) am in the UK. I just finished my last year of uni and I’m starting my masters after summer.
Since my first year, I’ve been working in a fast-food place that mostly hires students. Because of working there for over 2 years, I cannot be fired without a good reason.
Lately, our old manager quit and a new one started and she’s been problematic ever since.
The owner of the place is a single mom in her 40s and she’s been wonderful. She knows she hires mostly students thus our exam dates or graduation dates are always booked off and are untouchable.
Well, the new manager tried to make me come to work on the day of my graduation.
She was surprised when she got a firm no.
I am someone with a small bladder and I go to pee quite often. It’s not a problem though as I never leave when it’s busy or we have customers waiting. I always wait when we have a second to spare.
Just the other day, our manager got super annoyed with me and my toilet going (we’re talking 2-3 times during an 8-hour shift for literally 1-minute pee and washing my hands). She suggested I should hold it and not drink water to stop going to the toilet.
I told her she’s delusional if she thinks I’m going to hold my pee for 8 hours.
I now feel kind of bad for telling her she was delusional but I’ve just about had it with her and I’m going to complain to the owner.
AITJ for calling her delusional?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Also she’s not delusional she knows exactly what she’s doing. A bully who tries to pick on university-educated bright young things? She’s jealous of you. Remember anything she says to you is her word against yours – try to ensure you have witnesses.
If she does it again – tell her to formally warn you and copy in the owner and you will make representations to them both about it. I think you did fantastic.” LouieAvalonMac
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ. There may not be an actual bathroom law or whatever but it would come under health and safety (what does she want you to do pee on the floor) also I have never known any employer stopping people from going to the toilet.
Also, that sounds like a normal bladder to me. 2-3 times during an 8-hour period is pretty normal its not like you’re going 20 times a shift, only a normal amount of times. Would she expect someone who had given birth to hold it almost the entire shift?
(since I had my child depending on how much I drink I sometimes go to the toilet every 1hr 30/2hrs) I think not.” RavenStar1995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I used to work full time at a call center and they wanted to implement a policy where we would have to clock out for our bathroom breaks and basically not get paid for no more than 5 minutes we’d need to use the bathroom.
I bluntly told them that if they make me clock out for any reason other than lunch or end of day then I’m not coming back.” JSpooner94
15. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Disinterested And Unprofessional Therapist?
“I (26F) started seeing my therapist in November of last year and ended that in February. My therapist (~35f) always seemed disinterested during our Zoom sessions. She would yawn continuously and it was very clear that she would be doing things on her computer in the background completely unrelated to our session.
This was made even more obvious when she would ask me the same questions more than once:
“How has the last week been for you?”
I respond, and then after I finish talking, I get an “ah, yes um so how has the week been for you?”
Aside from being disinterested, she would also say things that I’m not sure she’s actually allowed to say as a therapist?
After talking to her a couple of times about my ex, my therapist, during a session, said: “You know what they say ‘The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.’”
She said this on more than one occasion and eventually, I had enough and sought a new therapist.
It’s now June, but I keep thinking about her lack of care/responsibility in working with people who have potentially severe mental illnesses.
AITJ if I reported her, at least to my other doctor who works with her on occasion, even though I haven’t seen her in a while?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if nothing she said was actionable (and I honestly have no idea whether it is or not) your doctor needs to hear about your experience. Your doctor’s other patients deserve to be referred to someone who isn’t doing stuff in the background, and who doesn’t make skeevy comments.” DeVitreousHumor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she did it to you so comfortably like nothing’s wrong then she did it to a lot of others. However, I am worried that you wouldn’t be taken seriously since you probably don’t have any recordings and haven’t been with her for a while.
But I still think you should do it, after all, you already got a new therapist and they probably won’t kick you out because of that.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Rent To My Mum After Her Partner Moved In?
“I’m 16 and still in high school, I have a casual job earning around $270 AUD each paycheck.
I want to save my money to be able to afford further studies, transport, housing, etc for my future, and also want to be able to treat myself every so often. But my mum has been asking me to pay $40 rent and fuel money weekly, I’ve been refusing to do so as I’m really protective (?) in a way about my money, like buying myself food for $15 makes me want to cry.
Maybe it makes me a jerk for refusing, but she’s only started asking since her partner moved in, him being the one telling her to ask. He barely even pays for anything himself and asks me for money for his smokes all the time, this makes it more upsetting that my mum is asking for money because we both know that’s what it’ll go to.
I understand my mum struggles financially but I don’t find it fair I’m expected to pay and he’s not when he gets around $800 from benefits, not having a job, or doing anything around the house.
My mum has always said she’d never make me pay for necessities as long as I’m in school because she wasn’t raised having to do so but I guess that’s all changed because of her partner.
I don’t know maybe I’m in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re a minor your mum is the one responsible for your housing, not you. Your mum’s partner is clearly nothing but a deadbeat and is trying to sponge even more from your family.
I would be careful with your money in the future, if he doesn’t get the money from your mum via board he might try pinching while you’re out of the house or swipe your card so he can tap and pay for smokes.
So make sure you always have your money and cards secured at all times.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are not obligated to pay. You are still a child. Until you turn 18 you are still a child and not an adult. Now at 18, they could make you pay rent because legally you would be an adult.
Your mum’s partner is a lazy mooch. I mean it’s a win-win for him to move in with your mom and do nothing not have to pay for rent or food and convince your mom to get a minor to pay rent? No dice. Just say you’re a child and they are the ones who are supposed to support you.
I would get out as soon as you’re 18. I can see the partner if he’s still there forcing your mom to get you to pay a lot in rent and such. At least it’s how it goes in the USA, I don’t know about laws in Australia.” amaerau03
Another User Comments:
“Tough situation but she isn’t asking much & needs the help, she’s your mom so I think it’s the least you can do. Obviously, the partner should help. Not really up to you though. Maybe negotiate? It’s such a small amount though, she’s probably just trying to teach you to be responsible too.” emma-ps
13. AITJ For Telling My Dad's Fiancée I Hope Their Wedding Falls Apart?
“My (15m) parents recently got divorced after years of fighting and miserably living in a loveless, arranged marriage. My mom always hated me and severely harmed me. She greatly preferred my siblings over me; my entire existence enraged her. I admit I’m troubled and easily get furious but I have bad memories of her from childhood.
She would pretend to call the cops or orphanage whenever I “misbehaved” and make me pack up, telling me I was going to get taken away to a bad place. Sometimes she’d pretend to put me up for adoption.
My dad tried his best to help me, but it was never enough.
I’m mentally ill and my parents have known that for at least 2 years, but they ignored the doctor. My mental and psychological states were unstable, which resulted in me getting sent to a juvenile detention center. After I was released, my parents got divorced. They’ve openly expressed their hatred for each other but didn’t separate until they could use me as a solid reason.
Throughout the months I spent at the center, my dad was laying his ducks in a row. My mom has full custody of my siblings while my dad has full custody of me. She discovered that the house was under my dad’s name only, which meant she had to find her own place.
She has her parents’ support and is planning on moving back to our home country. That’s all I know.
In the first week of living with my dad by ourselves, he introduced me to his fiancée. He confessed to having been unfaithful to my mom for years and I felt 0 empathy for her.
Luckily, my dad’s fiancée doesn’t look or act like my mom. She and my dad were engaged for months before I was sent to the center. Them constantly talking about their wedding makes me feel like they used my condition to help my dad get a divorce so they can be together.
Because of my mom, I don’t want a mother figure, but I still want attention and validation. My dad’s fiancée is nothing to me. She doesn’t care about my condition despite trying to adopt me.
It was just the two of us in the house.
She was setting dinner while I tried ignoring her. I said no to adoption because I have bad memories regarding that. We started arguing and I told her that I’m not entitled to her, especially not when she’s taking my dad from me. For context: he promised he’d enroll me in therapy and support me after he got divorced, but all he’s done is prepare for his wedding.
She called me self-centered and said she’s still an important part of my dad’s life and someone he loves. She kept pushing it by telling me I should be happy my dad is finally getting to enjoy his life. I started yelling at her and throwing insults.
After a while, she said she hoped that I’d get sent back to the center. In return, I said I hope their wedding falls apart.
After we fought more and she went upstairs to my dad’s room, I get a call from my dad about my unacceptable behavior.
He said I made his fiancée cry and need to stop being selfish. I hung up on him and am now overthinking everything.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with ESH. YTJ because, while it sucks and I understand where you’re coming from, your dad deserves happiness and care and love in a way you can’t give him.
Your father is a jerk because he hasn’t delivered on promises. I come from a family that looks down on mental illness and after I separated from the military, I left with a long laundry list of issues so getting help is as important and treatment for any physical ailment IMO.
The fiancée is a jerk because that’s not an issue she should have pushed. I understand trying to be in your partner’s children’s lives. And if she sincerely wishes to adopt you as her own, that’s awesome. But she should have asked, heard your thoughts and feelings, then dropped it.
The end. ESH everyone’s feelings should be respected here and your mental health should 100% be a priority.” Obsidian-Wolf-Knight
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, but ESH. I’m not going to minimize the hardships you’ve endured. You have a pair of bad parents, pure and simple.
They used you as a rock to hurl at each other when they wanted to inflict some pain. And the new fiancee isn’t exactly a saint, as she was willing to be unfaithful to a married man, and contribute to the destruction of his family.
But….she hasn’t done anything to you OP. Ask yourself; do you think your dad, with all his smarts in this, is discussing your mental state with this woman? He’s probably sold her some song-and-dance about you just being moody and mean cause you miss your mom.
That way, he manipulates her into feeling sorry for you and covering any arguments she might overhear between you and him regarding your mother.
You’ve got three more years living in this situation. And you do need to make some hard decisions for yourself. The biggest is deciding if you want your parents in your life after you turn 18.
It’s really easy, hopped up on anger and emotion, to just scream “Screw EM!!!” and go live your life elsewhere. It’s also easy to need that family, and not have it, because of that choice. I’ve got a complex relationship with some of my family.
The one thing I’m grateful for is that I got emotion out of the equation before I did anything that I might have gone to prison for. But again, your folks are pretty toxic. Right now, however, you are veering dangerously close to following in their footsteps.
You’ve got mental health issues, but when you’re 18, those are going to be just YOUR issues. If you don’t work out a way to process them in a safe manner, you could become every bit as bad as your parents with other people. And saying “Well, that’s how my folks raised me,” isn’t gonna earn you any sympathy.
The fiancee is at least trying. That is something. One ember can start a fire that warms a soul or burns down a life. You need to decide how much to nurture that, or crush it out of existence.” Khasimyr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jesus, this whole situation is a mess.
I’d be angry too if everyone around me made me feel like they used me for their own personal gain. And your father knows how you feel about adoption and he’s supporting his fiancée with that attitude? You poor kid, there’s just no winning.
Your reaction is valid. You tried to ignore her and do your own thing, but someone coming into your personal space and trying to force something you are not comfortable with on you would make anyone mad. I’d react the same way. If you’ve said no and made your feelings clear, why push the subject?
To upset you? To have an excuse to go run crying to your father? She’s being ridiculous. When you said no she should’ve dropped the subject and left it. Instead she backed you into a corner. NTJ and you should push your dad to keep his promise about therapy and such.” YeetMyExistanceMan
12. AITJ For Leaving My Friend At Disneyland After Feeling Ignored?
“I (F 24) and Jenny ( F24) have been best friends for 10 years. A few years ago, I moved to another state and I only visit 1-2 times per year. This time when I told Jenny I was coming she asked if I wanted to go to Disney with her (I am originally from a town about 2 hours from the park).
The day of, I was running about half an hour late and when I reached out she told me she was inside the park already and she let me know what ride she was at. 25 minutes later I got a message from her that she was at another ride already even though I asked her to message me when she came out.
I told her I had been waiting for her where she originally told me she was. She again took a while to respond and told me she was headed to another ride. I was very close, so it took me maybe 3 minutes to get there, but she did not wait and she had again gone on the ride without waiting for me.
We finally met up and she was with other family members who I hadn’t met and she didn’t even introduce me to them, the whole time they didn’t even acknowledge me. We walked into another ride and the whole time she was not talking to me or the conversation felt very forced. She would talk to her family members, and leave me alone in the back while she chatted away with them.
We walked to a third ride and while waiting in line my friend was in the front talking to her cousins while I was alone in the back.
I wasn’t mad but more so hurt. I had bought this ticket to see my friend and to spend time with her and the whole time it felt like she did not want me to be there.
We went on this ride which was very slow and chill and although we were sitting right next to each other she spent the whole time turned around talking to her family. At this point, I felt like I was going to have a meltdown in the middle of Disney.
I was very hurt by the way she was acting with me. I figured if the rest of my day would go like this I should just go back to my hotel. After getting out of the ride she and her family huddled to decide where to go next completely ignoring me.
I then told her I was not feeling well and that I was going to head to my hotel and possibly return later. All she said was “Okay, bye.”
She has not reached out to me ever since and neither have I. My husband and other friends have told me that the way she acted was not okay and have even told me to end the friendship.
She has been my most constant friend I have a lot of love and appreciation for her, so it hurts to consider that. I didn’t end up returning to the park and just went back to my hotel and cried for hours. I don’t know if I overreacted by walking out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s the jerk. Who does that? Disney tickets aren’t cheap. Honestly, I know it sucks but I would’ve just pulled a Han Solo and had fun yourself. It’s Disney, ride some rides, get some plushies, and just focus on you.
After I would send her a message of how you felt and if she can’t understand or see the wrong that she made then it’s best to close that friendship chapter and move on.” GoatTacos
Another User Comments:
“From the reply, NTJ. It sounds like she engineered a day to be a jerk to you about a perceived slight.
Even recruited family into it (wtf did she tell them about you for them to treat you so badly upon first meeting???). She needs to learn to use her words, and you need better friends. INFO: Are you regularly late for meet-ups? Did you have plans to meet at a specific time, that you missed “running about half an hour late”?
Did you communicate with your friend that you would be late before you arrived? Did you apologize (if there was a specific plan)? Your friend’s behavior was really rude, but could it have been anger?” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like there was some major miscommunication regarding expectations for this trip on both your parts and that you both have hurt feelings.
Instead of communicating how you were feeling, you walked away! You can’t blame her for you choosing to walk away. Maybe she doesn’t realize how it looked and she doesn’t know because you feigned illness and walked away without discussing it! Maybe she has no understanding of the real reason you walked away!
Either you want the friendship or you don’t. Only you know the answer to that. One thing I can guarantee you is that if someone doesn’t speak first, the friendship will go down the tubes! Who’s going to be the better person? Someone has to do it!
No jerks here!” Justanopinion24
11. AITJ For Not Helping My Dad Lift Heavy Items Due To His Sexist Beliefs?
“My dad never let me lift heavy things. When I was a child if I tried to pick up a 4L milk jug or help put groceries on the cart I got yelled at for not acting ladylike. I wasn’t allowed to touch power tools or help move anything my dad would yell and glare at me until I sat down because I would look like a man if I helped and I wasn’t allowed to do any tough sports because it wasn’t for girls.
I am pretty resentful of my dad because he expected me to do the cooking and cleaning but I wasn’t even allowed to help fix my car because it’s a man’s job. I also wasn’t supposed to talk, only listen or talk too loud or ever get angry because it wasn’t ladylike.
And he dislikes my profession. I’m a software engineer so I only have male colleagues (only 1 other woman on the team) and my dad is always telling me no man will want me once they find out I only work with men.
Now he is in his 60s and in poor physical shape.
He is just as stubborn and when we were putting our winter tires in the basement he yelled at me again for trying to lift the tires because I’m still a woman. I don’t even bother and just sit back and let him do it.
My mom begged me to help him but I told her he doesn’t want help. My mom never confronts my dad on his beliefs and does all the cooking and cleaning and my dad has never done a single load of laundry since they have been married. He then hurt his back in the process of lifting the tires himself and is now on bed rest and my mom is angry because I didn’t help.
In my opinion, if he is going to yell at me for trying to help and then he hurts himself it’s just Karma.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fellow female software engineer here. The joke’s on him. I have the benefit of being able to financially support myself for the rest of my life in a non-labor-intensive job with lots of upward mobility and options.
I only had 1 other female dev at my last company but in my current team, female devs outnumber the guys 4 : 3. So it’s really not as bad depending on the company culture. Also, guess what- double income is a major perk and goal for couples these days.” ConcentrateRegular79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. FFS you’re a grown-up and can do what you want. He’s way too stubborn and did this to himself. By the way…women who lift weights and work on cars are much, much more appealing than the ultra-girly type. Your dad’s old-school beliefs be darned.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Being Upset That My Friend Plans To Overstay Her Visa?
“I met a girl in another country. We became friends, but I was cautious at first because I wasn’t sure if she had ulterior motives (because she really made an effort to become friends, and it wasn’t mutual at first).
But she grew on me and we in fact did become best friends.
Her dream was always coming to the US, so I wanted to do something nice for her and buy her plane tickets to come and stay with me for a month. I paid for her to go get a visa (which is really hard to get in her country), but she got it!
She used my name as a reference, and I had one thing she had to promise me: that she wouldn’t overstay. That she was just visiting and would return. I told her she could come back in the future if she wanted to, and figure out her life then, but not for this visit.
She agreed.
Well, after arriving, 3 weeks into her stay, she sits me down and tells me that she isn’t returning. She’s staying here forever. I feel utter betrayal. I get mad at her and our friendship becomes more hostile (from my end). She gets mad at me and says I’m wrong for not supporting her decision, that it’s the best option for her, and that I’m not being a good friend.
Even says that all her friends think that I’m treating her wrong. So guys, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m graduated DACA. If you don’t know what that means look it up. But living as an undocumented here in the US is not as easy as she thinks it will be.
No SSN means you don’t exist. You can’t work (at least not legally and with the fines to employers who hire under the table being high – most don’t take the risk), can’t get a driver’s license, can’t get health insurance, can’t rent get an apartment, can’t buy a house or a car, can’t qualify for any loans, if you go to school you can’t get student aid, you have no legal rights whatsoever or anything, it’s a whole world full of no. Most who manage to survive have a support system (family who are legal and helping support them while they work to adjust their status – aka marrying an American), and it’s tough.
I don’t know anyone who goes at it alone. Yes, she used you, but you need to tell her these facts – that you won’t support her, and that she needs to go home. The US is not a kind place for undocumented folk – much else ones with no family to depend on.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, also don’t listen to the people saying not to report her. You’ll be putting your livelihood in danger by being aware of a crime and not reporting it. Also, there are reasons why citizenship is necessary for living in the US.
She’s not your friend, she used you. And she’s making a complete mockery of all the immigrants who are going through the process of gaining citizenship legally. She needs to face the consequences of her actions. And I’d suggest distancing yourself from her, she’ll continue to manipulate you if you give her the chance to.
Also, you might want to get her out if she lives with you, otherwise she might be able to obtain squatter’s rights.” RosyMapl3
Another User Comments:
“She is the jerk, but you kinda enabled her. You paid for her ticket and visa which was great coming from you but she saw it as an opportunity.
Coming from someone who overstayed on a visa for more than a year (in Italy), involving your friends is such a big risk. Though I overstayed and my friends were cool about it, I knew that if anything happened they would also be in trouble cause they were my emergency contacts.
My suggestion is: tell her to leave as soon as her month with you ends, you already helped her a lot, if she wants to stay (like I did in Europe) then she gotta figure that out by herself, just like I did.” pony_salvaje04
9. AITJ For Ignoring My Estranged Mother's Plea To See Me While She's Sick?
“I (19M) have had a “complicated” history with my mother to say the least. My dad passed away when I was just 4 and my mom signed away her rights the same day. My aunt took me in and gave me a better life than my mother ever could’ve.
I would go on to see my mom once a year at most until sixth grade and then haven’t seen her since. She repeatedly lied to me as a kid saying she was going to come visit me and then just not show.
Well, now she’s sick.
Some “flesh-eating” disease that could possibly cause her to lose her leg. She texted me this three days after my birthday (that she didn’t talk to me on) saying this and that.
Surprise, surprise she wants to see me. I completely ignored her and left it alone.
Now I have cousins texting me saying that I should talk to her and that all she wants is to see me
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ya know, my dad was my best friend. He died in the middle of the night, a heart attack and was an organ donor, I was next of kin and he had no wife, so they got ahold of me, I went into shock and they asked if I wanted to come down and say my goodbyes.
I go down to the ER, and there he is, lying there hooked up to all kinds of machines. It’s the last time I got to see him. My biggest regret is going to the hospital. That isn’t the memory I wanted. Yet it’s what I have.
Think about how you want to remember your “mom.” Think about what you would want to say to her because it could be the last time. And if it’s nothing, that’s okay too. Ignore your family, do what’s best for you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s actually super healthy that you’re protecting yourself that way, from somebody who has hurt and disappointed you so many times! Maybe ask your cousins if they can be nice enough to have just as much compassion for your feelings as they have for your Mom (who I assume is their aunt).
I always felt like it’s a terrible thing when people use sickness to guilt trip someone into doing things that they don’t want to or aren’t ready for. I’m a mom myself and completely understand your point of view!” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a tricky situation. She has certainly abdicated all her rights to a relationship with you. And I wonder now whether she just needs someone to look after her and so she’s reaching out to you. I would suggest a compromise to you in which you text her your exact reasons for not contacting her so she understands the impact she has had on you; you clearly draw the line for both your sakes.
If it’s obvious that all she wants to do is use you as a carer then you will know what to do.” AffectionateMine2220
8. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Dad And His Wife Live In My Backyard?
“My dad and I have basically no relationship. We talk occasionally, but not on any regular schedule. That said, I’m really close with the rest of his family.
A few years ago he married B, who is the most recent in a string of women he’s been with.
B seems to assume he’s closer to his family than he actually is, and so has been trying to push some limits when it comes to boundaries.
Dad & B live a fair ways away from me and the rest of his family – we live in one of the more desirable and temperate parts, they live in a wintery place that’s quite far away.
A while ago, they came out here to stay with us and some family, and in an effort to extend an olive branch, I said they could visit if they made accommodations for themselves or brought camping gear as my house only has one bedroom and an unfinished but working on basement.
Readers, it was a pain.
My dad was fine, but B was picky and judgemental the whole time.
More recently, Dad has made noises about moving out here again, but there are a couple of problems;
1: The housing market where we live is particularly insane right now
2: The market where they are is not going to get them enough to buy out here, so at best they’d be renting and working
3: B refuses to work, so it would just be Dad providing, and given his background it’s gonna be tough finding work
4: They outright refuse to use the internet, so I have no idea how they intend to look up properties…
Well, B’s idea is that they live in my inlaws’ camper on our property for free while they look for a house!
I told B that’s a terrible idea, and that she’d better start calling some property agents out here for advice, and hung up.
Heard through my grandma that they put the house up anyways, and they’re not getting the offers they want, and occasionally are still calling me even though I’m not picking up because I don’t want the guilt trip.
I mentioned this to a couple of friends, and they seem to think I’m being harsh in not talking to them at all because I don’t want them thinking we’re cool enough for them to ship out across the country to my backyard, but I can’t have a 1 on 1 conversation with my dad because B will always listen in on their other line.
So, AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to just be direct and and firm with them. If you don’t close the door it sounds like they are going to “play dumb” and show up anyway. If they sell the house and have nowhere else to go they are going to really put you in a tough spot.
I’d stop ignoring them and put an end to it. Don’t budge, it may be uncomfortable but you’ll feel better when you get it over with. It’s your property, you don’t want to feel uncomfortable on your own land. No matter how disappointed they are they have to accept this.” papa8706
Another User Comments:
“You NEED to make it clear they are not allowed, and you need to make it clear in AT LEAST ONE TEXT so you have physical proof you told them no if it becomes a problem. They sound like the kind of people that would park their rear ends on your land.
And then give you legal troubles when you try to get them to leave. You need to make it clear over the phone and at least one physical text that is screenshotted once they respond and acknowledge the no. ESH. You need to grow up a bit and tell them no flat out, and them for obvious reasons.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said it was a bad idea and were not okay with it, you even said B should contact property agents. THEY CHOSE NOT TO LISTEN. That is not going to change if you answer the phone and say “no” again.
You don’t owe them anything, but if answering the phone is triggering too much anxiety for you, maybe write a letter (keep a copy of it in case they try to use it against you later by twisting your words) explicitly stating you are unwilling to home them.
You can even put in stipulations that you would be willing to accommodate them if they have adequate jobs. Also important to note, If you let them move onto your property and they establish residency, you will have a very difficult time kicking them out.” BananaLemonLime
7. AITJ For Banning My Cousins From My Room To Protect My Cat?
“My cousins (ranging in ages from 3-14) have been staying at me and my parents’ house for about a week now because they’re about to move away.
I haven’t really minded their presence all that much and I’ve been trying to be as nice as possible even though they can be very irritating.
My cat hasn’t enjoyed their stay here though. Since the little ones are constantly rough with her and because she doesn’t like new people; she’ll hiss at them and become visibly annoyed whenever they enter my room, which I’ve told them countless times not to enter.
Lately, the oldest and youngest cousins have made a habit of barging into my room in the morning while I’m half awake, so they can pet my cat; she hasn’t enjoyed this and has become really on edge around them and me.
Well this morning when my parents came into my room to wake me up, she flipped out and peed on my bed out of fear because she thought it was the kids.
My parents tried to blame me for this, saying her litter box wasn’t clean, even though I just cleaned it out the night before. I tried to tell them it was the kids who made her act this way and they acted like I had just accused the kids of a serious crime.
Afterward, I told the kids to not go around my cat without my permission anymore and to not come into my room in the mornings. They were extremely upset and told my mom, which caused even more outrage. I’m just trying to protect my cat and keep her happy; AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family clearly doesn’t understand cat behavior and also doesn’t seem to respect your cat’s right to her boundaries. She is a living, feeling, thinking creature who is being pretty firm in letting people know this is a hard boundary for her and she is being ignored. It’s natural that she is now stressed and frightened. You’re doing the right thing here, don’t let them convince you otherwise.
If you have funds you can try buying some Feliway to help her feel safe in the space again. It is rather expensive though, so that may not be an option. If it’s not that’s okay, with time and love she should adjust once they’ve moved out.” _Kenndrah_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – kids need to learn that animals are living beings and need to be respected or kids will learn the hard way. It’s unfair to the cat to be under this stress because the kids haven’t been taught boundaries. My son is almost 3 and my mum has 2 cats and a dog and my son doesn’t go near them at all.
We never taught him to stay away from the animals, he just for some reason we don’t know doesn’t really like to go up to animals and touch them. When we go out he will shout dog or doggy but that’s it and even step back if a dog or cat goes near him.
I was actually shocked when I and my son went out to the shops and he let a tiny fluffy dog stand up against him which he’s never done before.” SL33PYSL0THIE
Another User Comments:
“Op’s cousin here (not the annoying ones). Pumpkin is a very sweet cat, but these kids have stressed her out so much she’s hiding every chance she gets.
Not only are these cousins annoying to the cat, but they’re annoying to the dogs too. These dogs CRAVE attention and pets, but they even run away from the kids (to put in perspective on how rough and annoying they are). These kids are the most entitled, bratty, and annoying kids you’ll ever meet.” ADrawn13
6. AITJ For Reacting To My Wife And In-Laws Constantly Excluding Me From Family Outings?
“I (30M) have been married to my wife (30F) for almost 3 years.
2 years ago, I moved to the other side of the country (US) for my wife’s job. She and her family are from the Middle East. Her sister lives in the next state over.
Each time they’ve visited, they go out as a family to dinner/brunch at a nice place without me.
I expressed it made me uncomfortable and felt disrespectful especially considering they were staying here. This continued to happen with every visit. I expressed my increasing discomfort and anger with each occurrence.
Cue current visit. They are to be here in our home from Thursday to Tuesday.
After work, at 7:45 I go out to the deck for a smoke and to decompress. At 8:25 PM, my mother-in-law comes to the deck and tells me the dinner reservation is at 8:30 and to get ready.
No one told me anything? I go upstairs and my wife is getting ready in a room.
I pop in and incredulously ask her why she didn’t tell me about dinner?? Her response was:
“You could have asked, couldn’t you?”
I tell her this is incredibly rude. She said this is about her father’s birthday. I go to my desk for more work and ask my wife to let me know when she’s done getting ready.
My sister-in-law and wife both pass behind me while getting my wife ready not saying a word. I then hear them go downstairs and the front door closing. I go downstairs and they’re gone. I called my wife 4 times. No answer.
I am seething. I drive to cool off and get a call from my wife 20 minutes later.
I go off about why she didn’t say anything to me and about how they all ditched me and how this is extremely disrespectful. She says:
“Oh, okay! I’ll tell them you said so.”
They get back at 11:00 PM. My sister-in-law asks if I ate.
I said yes even though I didn’t. My father-in-law looks at the TV and asks if I’m watching X. I curtly say yes. They say goodnight and go to bed.
Saturday morning, I go get breakfast. I took extra time because I wanted to be anywhere away from them.
I get a message from my father-in-law:
“We are making brunch for everyone.”
My wife texted asking where I am.
I didn’t reply.
My father-in-law and mother-in-law are in the kitchen saying brunch is ready and to please eat. I tell them “I ate” before heading upstairs to my desk to game for the first time in months.
My wife comes and says something but I can’t hear her.
At 6:30 PM, I go downstairs to heat up food.
My sister-in-law is on the couch. My wife, mother-in-law, and father-in-law walk downstairs. No one says anything to me. My wife is in the middle of the stairs when she yells:
“Is everyone stressed out and quiet because of that RUDE, boring, BUZZKILL!? Don’t let that fat jerk ruin your day.”
I respond:
“Oh, look. It’s a talking garbage can. Hey Oscar!”
My sister-in-law looks at me and throws up her hands. I continue to eat my sandwich as everyone leaves.
My wife texts me that my mother-in-law is crying in the car because of how uncomfortable I made all of them. They are all leaving, my wife included. I said their leaving is completely fine by me and that they’re the ones who showed the disrespect first. They are all leaving tomorrow morning for a lake resort for the remainder of their time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife clearly disrespects you and puts her family way ahead of you. They all trick you, deceive you and enjoy it, whilst pretending to be dumb, like it’s all your fault. They’re gaslighting you. Separate. Pack your bags and go to a hotel.
Get an attorney and file for divorce. You have been in a marriage of one person married to other people.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Everyone should have communicated better. You were told to go get ready for dinner. Other people were getting ready. You were very obviously expected to be at this dinner.
Clearly, no one gives a care about being on time, so who cares that it was in 5 min? (I don’t believe your weirdly specific timeline by the way) Now that you KNOW you are invited and expected to be there, you go off and work instead of heading down to the living room, going out to the car, or any other common area to meet up with others.
You make yourself unavailable. Could your wife have said something at several different times? Yes. Could you have taken on the responsibility of BEING PRESENT? Also yes. Again, you were invited to eat and be with the family, and YOU LEFT. How are they being rude because you went off on your own and then isolated yourself to play video games like a moody teenager?
YOU are hosting THEM. Why are you not stepping up in any way to arrange plans or to at least be aware of what’s happening?
You sound like the kind of man who puts all the responsibility on his wife to do everything. You just expect to walk through your home life putting in absolutely zero effort and then lash out when that is embarrassingly obvious.
Also, what does it matter that she is Middle Eastern? Why do you specify that about her and her family, but you don’t say anything like that about yourself? What lens are you expecting people to read this through by giving that information?” No_Dark8446
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So let me get this right, the family told you when dinner is and you saw your wife getting ready. Instead of also getting ready with your wife, you went back to work. You didn’t bother to put on nice clothes or shower, brush your teeth after smoking.
Nothing? Didn’t wait and chat with your father-in-law for 5 minutes while people finished up. You went back to work. Yeah, you’re the jerk. They told you when dinner was, you knew they were getting ready, yet you expect everyone to make sure you came with.
Then you are rude to your family when they come back, miss brunch and have a massive attitude. I would be tired of you if I were your wife.” Marowo14
5. AITJ For Not Consulting My Partner On Our Takeout Order?
“I, 22 F, serve tables a few nights a week.
I worked tonight, and my partner was borrowing my car so I knew I was going to see him once I got off work. They don’t allow us to eat on shift at my job so I ordered some Indian food delivery at this place that is open till late.
There was a promo code available that I needed to hit a minimum spend for, so I got 2 entrees, naan bread, and an appetizer. I figured why not order the extra food, my partner would probably want in on it, he isn’t picky and I often share with him.
I was working and was in a rush to order before they closed so I didn’t think to call him and inquire about if he may have wanted something different.
We got home, he opened the bag of food and was extremely disappointed. He was upset that I didn’t order enough naan bread and that I didn’t ask what he wanted. I thought I was being nice by sharing with him and paying for dinner and I still offered to share the naan bread.
He did not say thank you and is still holding his ground that he’s upset with me for not being more considerate while ordering food for myself. I don’t think I did anything wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are paying for your own food with your own money.
If your partner thinks he’s so entitled, maybe he should at least tell you what he wants next time and chip in on the meal cost. This is stupidly petty – it’s just food. You can get food any time. Your partner is being a big baby.
He is an adult, he shouldn’t be making such a fuss over food.” Ill_Assistant_9543
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you were just trying to be thoughtful by ordering extra food for both of you. It’s not fair for him to be upset about the naan bread when you were working and rushed to order.
Maybe next time just double-check with him, but he shouldn’t have reacted like that.” BikiniBreezeBall
Another User Comments:
“If I know I am meeting with someone and I plan on going to take some food I would call and ask what he wants and If I don’t have time to call him and order food I would just ask him to do it.
Regardless if it’s a friend or partner. I think it’s not about the money but about being aware that there is another person that will be with you, so it’s more considerate. I will sometimes just get something for the other person without asking..
to surprise them. He overreacted though… he could have just said thank you but please let me know beforehand when you want to order food so I can choose for myself. So I’m just gonna say ESH.” Storieslistener1
4. AITJ For Snapping At A Woman Trying To Unload My Grocery Cart Without Asking?
“Today was a pretty rough day. I woke up in a blah mood and decided I was just going to stay home and get some vitamin D instead of running errands. I had taken the day off to piggyback on my vacation that starts tomorrow.
I was hanging around when my husband asked what I wanted for dinner. I didn’t feel like cooking and was just going to have a salad and leftover grilled chicken. My husband sheepishly admitted that he had eaten the leftover chicken but that he would go to the supermarket, buy some more, and grill me a fresh piece.
This man is an angel and is always thinking of others, so I can’t be mad at all. He does so much for our family and if he wants the leftover chicken, he can have it.
I told him I needed to grab a couple of things anyway and that I would go.
So off to the store I went. I quickly realized, that one of the errands I had blown off today, was grocery shopping. I grabbed a smaller cart and set off to shop. I ended up with a cart full of stuff and a couple of cases of water.
I finished shopping, paid and headed out to my car to load it up and head home.
This is where I might be the jerk. As I was loading my car, a woman with two kids comes up to me and tells me she can take my cart.
The cart still has bags of groceries and the cases of water on it. I told her thank you, but I was still unloading the cart and I’ll put it back, but that I appreciated the offer.
This lady starts unloading my cart for me.
Putting my bags on the ground and directs her son to remove the cases of water from the bottom of the cart. I snapped at her and told her I didn’t need help and to not put my things on the ground. She had one of my bags in her hand, dropped it, and said she was just trying to help and I didn’t need to snap at her.
I told her I didn’t ask for or need help. She rolled her eyes at me and muttered “freaking witch” and walked away. She walked a couple of feet ahead and yelled back that I can put my own cart away then. I yelled back that I had intended to from the beginning.
I was pretty rude I guess, I did have an attitude when I told her to back off, but I felt like she was in my personal space. I finished loading my car and returned the cart to the store vestibule. She and her kids were standing in the vestibule talking with someone from my neighborhood that my husband and I are friendly with.
I gave my neighbor a wave and walked back to my car.
AITJ or was I justified in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Putting your things on the ground is not at all helpful. It’s harder to lift them off the ground than out of a cart; being put on the ground is going to make them dirty.
It’s rather weird that she had to have that specific cart. Most grocery stores have plenty of carts and they’re all the same. I don’t understand this “helper’s” attitude but you did nothing wrong by refusing her help and she should have left you alone when you told her not to help.” Altruistic-Staff-159
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The other woman was trying to virtue signal by being “the good helpful one who takes shopping carts so that the previous customer doesn’t have to bother putting it away,” but went totally over the edge into the crazy lands.
You were 100% right in telling her to screw off.” RCKJD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The lady just wanted to be lazy and not look for her own cart and thought helping you would get her the cart faster, but you didn’t ask for help, and putting stuff on the dirty ground parking lot isn’t helpful at all, nor is dropping your stuff.
But my question is, why didn’t hubby come along to help you? I don’t know about you, but I prefer my hubby keeping me company for errands when able because it keeps people like this away from us. lolol.” EconomyFalcon1170
3. AITJ For Interrupting My Husband's Conversation To Help With Our Son's Bath Time?
“My son is 2 and bath time is always interesting. Some days he absolutely loves having a bath, some days he decides the water is scary and he’ll cry and try to get out the entire time.
We figured out that if he’s scared to have a bath and I or my husband go in the bath with him, he’s usually fine. The only issue with that is he has a different preference on who he wants to have a bath with every time, and it only works if it’s the parent he wants.
We were on vacation with my in-laws and I was going to give my son a bath but he started crying and saying he wanted his dad to go in with him. Since my husband was speaking with some of his family, I tried to persuade our son the bath wasn’t scary and to have a bath with me but he was just getting increasingly upset.
I ended up interrupting them and asking my husband to have a bath with our son, which he did.
My brother-in-law and cousin-in-law were upset because apparently they were having an important conversation before I interrupted and I could’ve just put our son to bed without a bath.
We ended up arguing because I said I wouldn’t put him to sleep dirty and that their conversation obviously wasn’t that important.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going against the flow: NTJ. Here is my reasoning: 1) Toddlers on vacation. Holy cow. 2) The scared of the bath thing isn’t a huge deal. The OP and husband want the toddler to stick to his routine which includes a bath (through whatever means necessary including bathing with a parent).
If this is the strategy at home, why are you blaming OP and not her husband, too? 3) Maybe saying the interrupted conversation wasn’t important was not tactful, but it is probably correct. They have tons of time on vacation with his family to discuss important stuff.
4) Give OP a break. Vacationing with inlaws and a toddler is a lot. The boy got his bath. The husband got his family time. This is the system they have at home. OP’s husband isn’t exempt because of vacationing.” Gloomy-Aide1914
Another User Comments:
“As a mom of a 2yo kid who acts the same with bathing, I’d say NTJ If the conversation was so important, it was up to your husband to refuse to take a bath with your son.
But he didn’t, which means that he probably thought that the conversation could be interrupted or continue later. Bath time with your kid is one of the nicest things ever, so it makes sense to make it a priority and help your kid when they seem upset.
That is NOT spoiling them or whatever BS other people are commenting. Not everything must be tinted with discipline, sometimes it’s OK to be a softie… And bathtime is definitely one of those things. But I do agree that it was not nice of you to say that the conversation didn’t seem important.” bieloanya
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but not for why you’re asking. Your child is at an age where testing their impact on the environment around them is the norm. But lives cannot be dictated to you by your 2-year-old. By continuing to enable this behavior, you’re reinforcing actions that will cause you, your child, and their future teachers/babysitters problems. It’s time to reclaim bath time for bathing.
It is not scary, and it does not require any specific adult to also bathe. If the child is having issues with the bath, quickly finishing bathing and getting out is the option. Then some cool-down time and talking about how baths can be fun, but mostly they are just necessary.
Quick baths aren’t bad, but we cannot demand others stop everything to do it. Children at that age are learning socialized behavior, but they don’t have any of the wiring yet for consideration. We MUST model that to them; it’s literally how they learn.” CaligoAccedito
2. AITJ For Making My Partner Stay At My Family's Apartment Instead Of A Hotel?
“I’m South African and my partner is American. We’ve been together for 3 years, two weeks ago I took her to see my family. My parents and sister live in a small apartment, we agreed to spend the first 3 days at their place (my sister offered her bedroom to my partner) and the remaining 7 at a hotel.
After dinner, my partner told me to take her to a hotel. When I asked her what was wrong she said that the bed was squeaky and if she was going to sleep alone after a long flight and in a foreign country at least it should be comfortable.
I suggested we spend that night at their place and then give them an excuse the next day about not staying for the other 2 nights. I told her she should stay at least as a courtesy to my little sister (15) after what she did for her.
(In addition to giving her the room she bought her a traditional dress and some jewelry from her own savings, and made some hertzoggies (jam-filled cookies) for her). But she refused my suggestion and insisted on spending the night at a hotel.
I told her I wasn’t going to drive her because I was also tired and since she doesn’t feel comfortable taking a taxi or Uber alone she doesn’t have any other choice other than staying the night.
Safe to say that the rest of the visit was awkward and terrible. My partner only pretended to talk with me when we visited my parents. My sister was sad and didn’t buy the excuse we gave because she thought my partner didn’t like her room and blamed herself for not putting more effort into preparing it to my partner’s liking.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Break up with her. You need to be with someone who will respect your family and home country. I understand everyone has different cultures, but in my South Asian culture this is disrespectful and I wouldn’t want to be with a partner who complains like that over a 3-day living arrangement- especially since you compromised and offered to take her to a hotel the next day.
It’s only one night, she’s been with you for 3 years if she really cared she would suck it up for 3 days but she couldn’t even do one night for you.” Express-Gift-9750
Another User Comments:
“Info: was this your partner’s first time traveling internationally? I assume you flew in from America?
I am trying to give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she went in with good intentions of staying with your family the first 3 days, but after longer/harder traveling than she expected, she just wanted to decompress and have her own space? I personally never want to stay with other people, not even for one night, not even share a hotel with anyone but my husband.
I am VERY uncomfortable in unfamiliar places, so that’s where my thoughts are coming from. Time for you two to have a nice long talk. It does sound like she needs to apologize though.” AnarchyAcid
Another User Comments:
“She is not the one. My family was lower class growing up.
my ex’s family was middle class and he pulled this stunt all the time. Always an excuse or a reason he couldn’t humble himself to stay a single night where I spent most of my life. I get that it wasn’t the most comfortable but it made me feel so cheap acting like my family’s place was too bad for him to stay a night in.
We had stayed in some crappy hotels before and he could handle that yet not suck it up for my Christmas? And my family bought him gifts and stuff… The kicker is my ex’s family was very racist and homophobic. I hated staying at their home but it did for HIM.
I don’t care that they had a hot tub in the bedroom or a walk-in closet the size of an office. I couldn’t stand the conversation or company. My family might not have wealth class but they are kind to others and don’t try and push their ideological bs at you.
My current partner is similarly from a better-off background. He has no problem at all going to my parents’ place where there’s no Internet or TV and hanging out. He is perfectly fine with the fact that my family can be a bit “white trash” Walmart clothes and smoking and having several rusted-out vehicles that live on their front lawn.
He loves my mom’s food and always brings her candies and stuff. It’s not about the money it’s the personality…and money can’t fix that. The point is: get you a better partner with a better personality.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Ex-Husband's Mistress With Their Baby?
“My (31F) ex-husband (31M) and I split up about a year ago when he left me for “Amy” (32F).
It turns out he and Amy had been having an affair for months and when she got pregnant he decided that he wanted to be with her. For the past year, my ex and I have only interacted when it comes to co-parenting our daughter.
Because of my daughter, I have tried to be civil to him and Amy but I am still angry at both of them about the affair.
Anyway, I was at my ex and Amy’s house a few days ago to pick up my daughter, and Amy and I were “hanging out” in the kitchen with the new baby (I was just waiting for my daughter to grab some things from her room) when the baby started crying and Amy asked me to hand her the bottle on the counter.
I kind of laughed a bit and told her “no way I am helping you with this baby.” She looked at me funny, but it wasn’t a big deal or anything.
Later, I told my sister about what happened at Amy’s house and how she had the audacity to ask me for help with the baby after she was unfaithful with my husband.
My sister kind of freaked out and told me I was a jerk for not doing a simple favor for a new mom. I agree that if it was anyone other than Amy, I would have totally handed her the bottle, but I am not friends with Amy and I don’t owe her any politeness.
So who is right, me or my sister? Am I the jerk for not helping Amy with the baby?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: Can you describe the situation in a bit more detail? The picture that comes into my head – is that this was less about “helping”, and more of – you were standing right there.
It reminded me of growing up … when a grandparent would say, ‘don’t reach across the table in front of X, ask them to pass it to you’. Were you really “helping”, or just literally passing something to her?” SDstartingOut
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I agree with OP’s sister.
OP was at her ex-husband and Amy’s house, and all Amy asked was to hand her the bottle. OP was not asked to babysit while Ex and Amy went for a ten-day vacation, it was simply handing over a bottle. If OP wants a good co-parenting relationship for your raising of your daughter with Ex and Amy, then you should be able to do one meaningless courtesy like handing a bottle for an innocent baby.
If OP cannot even do that, OP should never go into Ex and Amy’s house at all.” Watsondoggod
Another User Comments:
“If you are on polite enough terms to come into their home to wait for your daughter, I would expect you to hand her the bottle.
If you are really that mad (which is fair) you should remain outside their home when you collect her. So yeah, ESH. They are jerks for having an affair and getting pregnant, and you are the jerk for going into their home and behaving in a way that you admit you wouldn’t normally do to another woman because it would be rude and unkind.” aspergianwoman
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!