People Wonder If They Can Still Redeem Themselves With Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex-Wife To Be Around My Daughter's Partner?
“I am a father of one girl (violet)
Her mom is very ‘religious’ and you can get lost if you don’t fit into every single religious belief she has.
Violet came out a few years ago saying she liked girls, I was suspicious of her mom’s reaction.
I was absolutely right to be. She did a lot of messed up stuff to my daughter and said some really harmful things. It was typical of what you hear from people like her, she’s not going to heaven, she’s not normal, she needs to be baptized and see a priest, had her go to church multiple times a week, blocked all girls from her phone, outed her to people in her family, told people in the church, gone as far as to send her paragraphs when she was at school reminding her not to look at girls, she’s crazy, and more, this isn’t everything.
I hadn’t known this until she slipped up, I divorced her immediately and my daughter now lives with me full time and she only gets visits no sleepovers, no staying at her house and she has pretty much no right to violet.
Anyways I’ve met my daughter’s now-partner and she comes over frequently, at this time she was going to come over a little later and stay for the weekend and I drop her off.
However I got a surprise visit from my daughter’s mom, it was 2 hours before so I told her she can only stay for an hour.
She agreed and they talked for a little while.
Then her partner ended up coming much earlier than I expected and her mom was still here.
I told her that she needed to go and that we will plan a visit sometime soon, but I guess she had other plans and said no that she wanted to meet and my kid’s face said a lot.
I told her that this is a conversation for another day.
She said that she hasn’t done anything like she did before and she earned the right to meet who her daughter is with.
I said she shouldn’t have done it at all and she doesn’t have a right to be here unannounced and she’s lucky she got that.
She said that I am ‘holding her past against her’ and I’m not allowing her to prove that she’s willing to put her religious facts, behind her.
All I said was this is not how we are doing this, and she isn’t entitled to anything and is in no position to be making demands.
We went back and forth with her saying she’s never going to be allowed to prove herself to violet and me saying she needs to try and be a mom to her instead of thinking proving herself is just supporting her s*******y alone.
She did leave, and I’ve told this to a few of my family members and they’ve said that she deserves to at least prove she can support her.
While yes at some point she does at this moment wasn’t a good time and I would like to sit both of them down including her partner’s parents before moving forward, and I feel like her thinking just meeting the girl is a way to prove herself isn’t ideal.
Although I know this is what I feel was in my kid’s best interest knowing her progression, was I wrong for this ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can’t trust homophobes, they’ll say they changed but still say extremely ignorant and harmful/hateful things out of nowhere all under the guise of ‘being supportive’.
My mom has been a lot like that. It’s very suspicious that she was so insistent, and that that’s how she wants to prove herself. I think you made the right choice. If you allowed her to stay it may have ended up horribly with her forcing her homophobic religious beliefs onto the girls and causing some type of scene or even just passive-aggressive behavior that would still have negative effects.
It’s extremely hard being an LGBT youth, especially when you have an unsupportive parent. Your daughter is lucky to have you in her life supporting her.” Then_Exchange2907
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has a history of mistreatment in her background toward her own child specifically over her s*******y.
If I was a parent of the girl I would be livid if that woman was given access to my daughter. This isn’t a solely you-decision. This is your daughter’s decision with your support, and for the girl, it’s the girl’s and her parents’ decision.
Your ex doesn’t get to demand access to anyone with ‘I get to prove I’ve changed!’ No, she doesn’t. She deliberately and maliciously caused irreparable harm. If she’s sorry, she can do better going forward with people who are comfortable being around her.
Starting by refusing to leave when asked and demanding (not asking) for access to children she already has a history of mistreatment around is a sign she has not changed and shouldn’t be trusted. And she started using hyperbolic language when you were offering perfectly reasonable opportunities for her to sit down and discuss it and how she can prove she has changed by following and respecting the boundaries of the people she hurt once already and who would be risking her hurting again.
‘I’ll never get to prove myself to violet!’ She had her chance. She blew it as badly as possible which is why neither you nor your daughter felt safe around her anymore.
If she wants a second chance that’s something that is everyone else’s choice involved, not hers.
People who argue with you that she ‘deserves’ or either isn’t hearing the full story or are also unsafe based on placing family image and their wish for happy endings for homophobes over the safety and happiness of the people they hurt.” ISTFMM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Yes at some point it is worth her being given a chance, but that needs to be when your daughter is ready and entirely on your daughter’s terms, not your ex’s. You said your daughter’s face said a lot, so it was clear that she didn’t want that to be the time and you did what a good parent should do, you saw this discomfort and said no.
You sound like you are doing a great job, don’t let anyone tell you that you are being unreasonable, just be guided by what your daughter wants and continue to defend her against the things she doesn’t want.” Sunflower_dream85
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To Thanksgiving?
“I’m (22) the youngest cousin in the family by a lot (I was a surprise/mistake) All of my older cousins have kids.
Every Thanksgiving we go to my aunt’s house my cousins put their kids in the playroom and start drinking and I get stuck watching the kids all day.
Anytime one cries or has to go to the bathroom or any of them fight I get stuck dealing with it. They also sit me at the kids’ table.
I complain to my mom every year and she just tells me it’s not like that and that is it a big deal to give the parents the day off.
I don’t look forward to thanksgiving anymore because it happens every year.
My SO invited me to his family thanksgiving this year and I decided to go. I told my mom and she is flipping out telling me it will break her heart to not have me there for thanksgiving and everyone will miss me.
I just want to enjoy thanksgiving this year.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, go enjoy your Thanksgiving with your SO’s. If your mom thinks her Thanksgiving will be ruined if you’re not there, maybe she should consider how your family’s been ruining you for years and she hasn’t had your back.
She never stood up for you and put a stop to it. So now you’re old enough to make your own choice. Take Thanksgiving back for yourself and have a good time. Hopefully, your family will realize their treatment of you sucked and they’ll make sure they don’t do it anymore.” wanderingwoman70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, you may be using the wrong approach when talking to your mom about your concerns. When you start a conversation by complaining, it automatically puts the person you are complaining to on the defense. In your mom’s eyes, she probably views your complaints as being ungrateful, and exaggerating and whining automatically devalues your opinion and instills (in her mind) that you are, in fact, a child.
Try a new strategy since this one is clearly not working.
Actually, sit her down and start with a request that she just hears you out. Preface the conversation by explaining that you love her and you aren’t attacking her but X, Y, and Z are the reasons you no longer enjoy Thanksgiving.
It doesn’t sound like the majority of these issues are your mom’s fault, so just tell her you are confiding in her because she’s your mom and you know she’ll understand. When you reframe the way you approach someone, it’s amazing how much they are more likely to both listen and understand.
Emphasize that your desire to boycott has nothing to do with not loving her but everything to do with not feeling respected as an independent adult.
Remember: the biggest problem with communication is the assumption that it happened in the first place.
Change your approach and you may be surprised how your mom’s reaction might change.
NTJ.” Adrock_4the_Win
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Yeah, everyone will miss the free babysitter that they have for the day. That’s really what she means.
You shouldn’t be stuck having a bad Thanksgiving so everyone else can have a good time. And they sit you at the kids’ table and you are 22! No, screw that. If they truly wanted you there they would have respected you.
Tell your mom if it was going to break her heart so much to not have you there she would have listened to your YEARS of telling her that you were unhappy with spending your whole Thanksgiving day being a babysitter while also being treated like a child.” *************
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Twin Sister To My Wedding?
“I (F28) and my twin sister V (f28) were born to a teen mom who raised us the best she could but led us both to have very different ways of dealing with abandonment and unstable home life. My mom has had a very strained relationship with V since when she was 17 she started doing many different substances, partying, drinking, and smoking.
I, being her sister, always tried my best to support her, as my mother did, but I was more of a best friend whereas my mom was the one to force her to sort her life out, rehab, etc. I, on the other hand, turned out to be very obsessed with having control and structure in my life which has made it very difficult for me to maintain romantic relationships as I can be controlling and paranoid about abandonment.
Cut forward to when I went to uni, V found herself in a very bad toxic relationship and practically cut off my mother which severed their relationship entirely. She eventually got pregnant and gave birth to my nephew in my second year at uni.
After struggling with romantic partners all my life and having very short-term partners, I met my ex-fiancé (let’s call him D) who I genuinely thought I’d met the one. During this time V had broken up with her toxic ex and was now a single mother, so I and D would have her and my nephew over most weekends.
I however fell pregnant and a year after my daughter was born D proposed. I had never been happier about starting my family.
We decided to wait a year to get married and genuinely enjoyed our new family life. However one weekend I decided to go see my mother and spend the day with her and my daughter, but we came home early since my mother became busy.
When I arrived home I saw V’s car outside which wasn’t unusual and went inside, nothing would have prepared me for what I would find. V and D were alone together in my bedroom on my bed. It seemed like the deed had already been done.
I went straight to packing for myself and my daughter and left. I gave D no chance for excuses and cut both of them out of my life entirely except for allowing D visitation to our daughter.
Jump forward three years I have barely spoken to V, except for when she pops back up into my life to apologize or explain, but I don’t care.
There is no excuse she could give me. I am now engaged to my beautiful fiancé M and he loves my daughter and me more than I could ever imagine. Although my mother is now begging me to invite my sister to my wedding coming up in June, saying to put the past in the past, since my mother has been able to forgive her and mend their relationship.
I refuse which has caused tension, she’s telling me this may be the only way to fix our bond and for my daughter to have her aunt and cousin back. But I still refuse, so AITJ?
UPDATE: First of all, I haven’t spoken to my mom yet and I’m going to see her tomorrow and intended to speak to her, but I’m also planning on reaching out to my sister myself and seeing her one-on-one maybe in the next week or so.
To talk, not to invite her to my wedding, but simply to see what she has to say since we have not had a sit-down proper conversation in over three years, I just have not been up to talking with her.
Now my life is stable and I’m happy I’m willing to hear her out, mainly for myself and closure, if not proper forgiveness for my own health. At this moment I have NO intention of inviting her, only to put my own thoughts at rest.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although this is an awful lot of backstory for a situation that effectively boils down to ‘do I need to let someone who hurt me back into my life because they’re family, even though no one would be questioning me cutting them off permanently if they weren’t after what they did?’
‘this may be the only way to fix our bond’
Nope. Bond’s broken. If you wanted to see whether establishing a new one was possible, that’d be one thing, but that’s up to you.
‘and for my daughter to have her aunt and cousin back’
D is your daughter’s father, yes? How exactly does she benefit from having the aunt who helped break up her family back in her life? Sucks for V’s kid that he’s going to miss out because of Mom’s actions, but he can fix that when he’s old enough to reach out himself.
Until then, your mom can accept V’s the reason she doesn’t get picture-perfect moments of family togetherness and keep her two cents to herself – and if she won’t drop it, she doesn’t need to be there, either.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“Is your mother grossly insensitive, or what?
Your ex and your sister betrayed you in the grossest way possible. A wedding is not the place to ‘make amends’ or ‘fix your bond.’ People who genuinely want to make amends, start small and sincerely.
A meet-up away from the house. A coffee+ and discussion.
Not ‘Let me turn up at your wedding, bring back all the memories, and you can be tense or miserable the whole day’ Will she bring your ex as her plus one?
After all, ‘family!’ and he is your daughter’s father.
See how ridiculous that approach is?
Seriously, you have NOTHING to feel guilty about.
Plan and enjoy your lovely day. It might be a good idea to have security, as your mother might be misguided enough to bring your sister along.
Hold your head up. You came back from a devastating blow and your future is bright.
NTJ.” Successful_Dot2813
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have moved on you’ve created a happy life for yourself. Your sister and your mom are the ones that have not moved on.
Forgive and forget does not mean that you accept a the person who hurt and betrayed you back into your life. The consequence of what she and your ex did is that they have limited to no access to you or your immediate family unit.
Sorry, not sorry.
If she had been a friend or random person, you wouldn’t be expected to make nice and kiss cheeks. Family members do not get blanket forgiveness without consequence because you have DNA in common.
Tell your mom and anyone else who keeps bringing up how sad and left out your sister feels that they can join her when you limit contact with them for trying to manipulate you into accepting her back into your life.” One-Possibility1178
16. AITJ For Demanding My Partner To Pay For The Pan?
“I (24F) have been with Ayden (26M) for 7 months. We don’t live together and I usually sleep at his place when we spend the night together as I have a roommate and I like to have more privacy.
I recently bought a non-stick cookware kit from a good, expensive brand.
I like to cook, so having good quality pans has always been a dream and I managed to get myself one as a birthday present 2 2 weeks ago.
My roommate traveled the weekend and I invited Ayden to stay at home these days.
He came on Friday and the next day I was going to work until 13, so I said that if he needed to eat something, he could, but that the new pans (I showed what they were) should be used carefully, not using a knife or fork.
There were other pans to be used and these new ones were different from the others (red and black). I had bought it the week before and had only used it 3x.
The weekend went smoothly, he waited for me for lunch and we went out to eat for lunch and dinner.
On Sunday, he woke me up with breakfast in bed. All ok, when we went to take the dishes to the kitchen, I saw the new frying pan in the sink. While I was doing the dishes, I picked up the pan and it had some scratches on it.
I asked him if he had used a metal knife or fork on it and he made a face of despair, apologizing a thousand times, saying he had forgotten and ended up using a metal fork.
I put it aside so as not to spoil the day, but I was angry.
He left on Monday and Wednesday, I sent a screenshot of the cheapest price found for the frying pan (same brand and still expensive) with the following ‘Hey, I found it on this site for this price, I thank you for the breakfast intention and that It wasn’t intentional, but you used something I said to be careful and ended up damaging something special for me.
I want you to buy a new one’.
He started to say that it was too expensive and that some scratches were no reason to buy a brand-new pan and that I was overreacting. Basically refusing to pay for a new one and calling me a jerk for demanding that I pay for it, being that it was only a few scratches, he even questioned if he did it himself, as it could have been my roommate (it wasn’t, she never used these pans).
I don’t know if I’m wrong here, but it’s disheartening to see my new birthday present damaged, given that I’ve always been careful and I asked him to be too. I even suggested he get mine for him if he wanted
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he ruined the pan, after having simple instructions on its use.
He could have been feeding the homeless for all his intentions mattered. He was using your tools and he broke them. He should be trying to rectify his mistake but he’s doubling down.
If he can’t afford the whole cost he could offer to part pay or pay off over time, instead of just expecting you to cover the cost.
I’d probably use this as an opportunity to judge his character and worth:
He failed to follow simple instructions. Didn’t immediately own up to his mistake hoping you wouldn’t notice. Tried to blame it on your roommate or you. Refused to pay for any of his mistakes and suggests you’re overreacting.
If you’re okay with all that, at the very least you should ban him from your tools unless you want to replace them.” oscillius
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is a GIANT red flag. First, he openly admitted to doing it with no hesitation, and then as soon as you asked him to replace it he flipped to ‘okay but maybe it wasn’t even me are you sure it wasn’t someone else?’ There is no way he didn’t see the scratches in the pan as soon as he made them and he didn’t even bother to tell you and then you asked about it so he profusely and dramatically apologized to you thinking that would be the end of it and when you asked him to replace the thing he ruined suddenly you’re the jerk.
Get a new man.” pastapearldesaucer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You warned him and he damaged your belongings by forgetting or ignoring that warning. He needs to be an adult and accept consequences.
And yes, it’s a big deal. You should not be using those pans after they’re scratched. A single scratch on a nonstick surface releases over 9,600 particles of microplastic into your food, and that new flaw in the coating allows more carcinogenic PFOA/PFAS/Teflon to leach into your food while cooking.
Stop using the scratched pans and stand your ground.
Watch the documentary ‘The Devil We Know’ before choosing to buy more non-stick pans, though.” LadyMacGuffin
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Mother-In-Law's House Again?
“We recently got back from visiting my husband’s mom out of state. We’ve never been close but she is a nice enough person and I have no issues with her. Her husband however made me very uncomfortable. He sulked the entire time we were there, hardly spoke to anyone, and by the end of the trip was eating alone in the bedroom.
MIL mentioned multiple times that he is just ‘sad’ as he is used to having all of her attention. She seemed like she was trying to divide her attention all the time and seemed very concerned that he was ‘sad’.
He even said he felt bad and that she should focus on her son, so he would remove himself, but every time he came out MIL would cuddle with him and talk to him in this annoying cutesy voice.
His sister came over at one point and told me he hates kids and that is probably why he is hiding.
She also told me he and MIL are extremely clingy and he is probably having separation anxiety. I got up early one morning and overheard MIL teasing him about doesn’t he want to visit us in the middle of nowhere and maybe he can babysit our kids while she spends some time with her son.
He told her he loved her and would never want to prevent her from seeing her son, but can he go on vacation next visit? It really rubbed me the wrong way.
As soon as we left I set a boundary with my husband that I will not stay in their house again as I don’t like being treated like a burden and that guy freaked me out.
My husband said I was overreacting and just let the guy chill in his bedroom. I said I would not stay in that house again and we would have to get a hotel. He said I was just trying to get out of visiting as a hotel would cost a fortune.
For some reason, he told MIL about my boundary and she sent me an angry text about how I’m mean and judgemental and her husband didn’t do anything to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Remember – to MIL (and maybe to your husband, since he knows his step-FIL) – this is all normal. It’s what they’re used to.
But it is in no way normal for a grown man to lock himself in a room and refuse to interact for days on end. And for people to recognize he has ‘separation anxiety’ when his spouse is right there in the house with him, but not giving him 100% of her attention?
Sorry – that is NOT normal.
I wouldn’t have announced a boundary when you got home though. I would have kept my mouth shut until it was time for the next trip, and then insisted (sweetly) on staying in a hotel so as not to trouble step-FIL.
Now you just look like an ungrateful guest, whereas the reality is that step-FIL was a truly ungrateful host.
With your husband, I’d say sorry for making this about you, and that next time it would be more comfortable for step-FIL and you if you’re away in a hotel, while hubby is welcome to stay with MIL.
OR – if your husband feels the financials aren’t up to it – let him go on his own to visit.
If he’s not bothered by his step-FIL treating him like he’s a leper, then tell him to have at it.
It’s not right to expect you to want to visit a place where it’s clear that one of the residents does not welcome or want you there.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“The real jerk here is your husband for telling his mom, thereby weaponizing her.
There is literally no reason to tell her yet, with no anticipated visit on the horizon, and her upset means he really didn’t bother selling the idea. He just knew she’d come down on you. Trashy husband behavior and he deserves to be called out.
I’d respond to MIL and spin this better: everyone has misunderstood why you suggested a hotel. Explain that her partner’s discomfort with sharing – the way he obviously didn’t feel able to traverse his own home while you were there, his statement that he’d rather take a vacation next time than spend it with you – is hard to ignore.
Rather than put him through it, it seemed logical and kind to insist on staying at a hotel, rather than ‘booting’ him to one, so that everyone wins. You want to have a good relationship with these people! That’s the POINT.
Express that.
Of course, we know it’s really because the dude’s behavior was not inviting and made you feel like an imposition instead of a member of the family, plus his creepy needy behavior where he obviously wants to be the coddled one (looking for another ‘mom’ – hoo boy).
But I dare MIL to meet your polite earnest care with vitriol lol. If she does, even better, you’re obv the rational one here.
NTJ.” Classic_Sugar7991
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband and his mother are the jerks for forcing ‘their way’ on their significant others.
Her husband was clearly unhappy and didn’t want the house guests, but MIL got her way on this. Maybe he’s an introvert, maybe he has other social/mental problems, whatever – he didn’t handle it well. That’s an issue for MIL and him to work out.
Shame on MIL for dragging guests into her domestic problem. She should’ve compromised and had you stay in a hotel in the first place. The resulting experience was poor for you and her husband. Your husband refuses to ‘read the room’ and see that it was NOT a good visit, and compounds it by sharing your private marital conversation with his mother.” TrainingDearest
14. AITJ For Not Being Able To Give My Friend Emotional Support Anymore?
“I (33F) moved cities during the global crisis, leaving behind a close-knit group of friends with whom I stayed close and in touch. I was particularly close to one of these friends, Mark (33M). Mark went through the wringer in 2021; he had job and family issues, and his long-term partner broke up with him unexpectedly.
Although I had already moved when it all went down, I was as supportive as humanly possible from a distance: prioritized answering his texts and calls, constantly checked on him, etc. I’m not saying this to get any credit, since it’s pretty basic stuff, just to illustrate how close our friendship was.
Since earlier this year, Mark has turned a new leaf: new job, friends, and hobbies, and he’s feeling the best he’s felt in a long time, which is great and well-deserved.
However, once he started this new chapter, he became very distant.
He gradually stopped replying to texts; if he replied at all, it would be days later and only because he had something he wanted to talk about. Replies were short or just emojis. I cut him some slack for a long time because I understand that new things require a lot of energy, but it never improved. On the one occasion where I was in a pickle and looking for his input, he replied 4 days later with thoughtless ‘advice’ (‘tell your boss to get lost’) and moved on to something he wanted to discuss.
I let him know then that our friendship was feeling increasingly one-sided. He was apologetic and explained that his new group of friends was super intense, with a busy social life, but he would try to do better. Nothing changed, so I accepted that we had grown apart.
I will always cherish the friendship we had, but it didn’t make sense to continue pushing things and I stopped engaging. As expected, once I quit making all the effort, we barely spoke for months.
Cue this Friday, when I woke up to a million texts from him.
Apparently, he was in a romantic situationship that didn’t work out and feeling very down. I replied with ‘sorry you are feeling this way, it sounds rough, hope you feel better soon’. He sent more texts about his feelings and asked if we could have a call that evening.
I said I had plans and he asked when we could talk because he really wanted to know how I’ve been and misses me. I decided to be honest and replied: ‘Mark, I’ve been choosing to spend my time and energy in relationships where the emotional labor is more evenly distributed. I wish you the best, but I’m not able to provide the support you’re looking for.’ He didn’t reply.
The next day, one of our friends told me that Mark was very sad about what I said. He doesn’t think I owe Mark my attention but believes I should’ve just lied and said I was busy instead of adding to his troubles.
I don’t see how that’s feasible (‘hey, I’m too busy, forever’), but I do see his general point. I’m wondering if I was the jerk for saying what I said.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were straightforward and polite.
I don’t understand why people think you need to lie about telling someone how you feel. Like it is okay to just lie and beat around the bush? That just causes bigger issues down the road. Sure in general someone can be straightforward and come off as a jerk about it but you didn’t.
You were polite about the situation. That is how you handle those situations.
His feelings are not your responsibility and he put himself in this situation. Yes sometimes you need that support from your friends, but he didn’t support you.
The friendship was one-sided. What if he just expects for you to drop what you’re doing to be his emotional crutch when he couldn’t bother to be there for you? Let alone reply 4 days later to you when you needed his support?
You handled it like a champ.” Disco_Pegasus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I mean what did he expect? He already told you that he was investing a lot of energy in his new friend group and would not have a reciprocal relationship with you.
Like he straight up said that he had emotional energy, but he was giving it to other people.
I also think you should stop being friends with this person who’s telling you that you’re a villain for being honest. You were an adult.
Why would you lie to someone when you can tell them the truth and they can then have the opportunity to treat other people in their life better? It sounds like he wants to give Mark all his attention, he can go and do so.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“Not only NTJ but good on you for actually saying things many of us wish we had.
For some weird reason, many of us have been taught that actually explaining why we have changed our minds is a bad thing.
So we dither and come up with untrue stuff, which – precisely because it’s not final – winds up generating hope.
Giving any reason at all is bad for some people because they think it can be argued with. All they have to do is prove you’re wrong, and they’ll get what they’re after.
So your tactic might not work for everyone always, but congrats if Mark does learn from it and leaves you alone. Or even better, learns how compassion works both ways.” Purple_Joke_1118
13. AITJ For Not Liking It When My Mom Told Me She's Proud Of Me?
“I am currently 18 years old and have a steady relationship going with my parents at the moment, however in the past, I do believe my mother genuinely hated me. My mum would make jokes with her partner about how they used to hate coming back home because I would be there and other harsh stuff, but I built up an immunity to it after a while so it started to just be something they would say as a joke, a frequent joke though.
Today my mum and her partner got home after spending the weekend at her in-laws’ house and they were tired and we were just talking about things and randomly my mother goes, ‘oh, by the way, I’m supposed to tell you I’m proud of you, and oh, I’m happy for your achievements and all the other stuff.’
I’m not gonna lie, I can’t remember everything too well but yeah stuff along those lines and me and her partner looked at her like she was crazy, because while she was talking while looking at a wall and using a monotone the whole time and I accidentally kinda told her to shut up, while mystep-parentt was like, staring at her in shock and trying to get her to stop but then she got really upset and said stiff like I don’t do anything right and no matter what I do it’s not good enough, but the way she said that stuff felt really undermining and sarcastic and made me genuinely uncomfortable and it was the first time she had ever said these things.
I feel a bit like a jerk and maybe I explained this badly but I don’t know, my feelings still kinda feel valid.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This sounds like someone has had a go at her for how she treats you and/or otherwise shamed her for it in some way.
Like either some relative or close friend of the family saw how you were treated all these years and finally had a huge rant at her, or one of her friends was saying really nice things about her own kid and inadvertently shamed your mum by saying something like ‘those parents who only ever put down their kid and never say they are proud are the worst kind of people’.
Or maybe someone even said ‘I heard OP just did X, you must be so proud of him’.
Anyway, point is, the way you described it made me think your mum was saying those things because she was shamed into it, had no idea how to do it properly, and wasn’t doing it because she wanted to, so was all monotone and no eye contact about it.
Like a kid being forced to apologize for something.” ttnl35
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – can’t know why she said those things, but the way she acted, most people here seem to be right: someone had a heart-to-heart with her and told her to cut the crap and be a better parent, and while her handling of the situation was terrible, the reaction ‘kay, seems I can’t do anything right’, kinda sounds like she actually tried to be better than before and you guys just shrugged it off.
Dunno, why anyone would want to stay in a toxic environment like that and would actually deflect and try to improve the situation, but giving someone trouble for trying, is an a-class jerk thing to do. By the way, not saying your mum and your stepdad aren’t jerks as well, but this whole family dynamic seems to be kinda trashy and there usually is some sort of line between being hurtful and poking fun at each other – which doesn’t seem to exist in your household.
Thing is, none of us can look into your mum’s head, and we can’t actually know if someone forced her, pushed her, or shamed her into saying that, but the thing is: if that’s not the case and someone just made her realize how horrible she acted before and she’s trying to do better now, your reaction was just…
not good. Despite my understanding of how you feel and her poor execution. Also, I think your new stepdad enables her trashy behavior.” ThoMcSure
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was reciting what she was supposed to say to become a ‘better parent’.
Someone clearly told her that she was being a trashy parent and told her that she should be proud of you. I’m guessing that person was her partner. But just saying stuff with a flat tone while staring at a wall isn’t even remotely close to actually telling someone they’re proud, to their face and with feeling.
So biggest NTJ, she didn’t mean it and you had every right to be mad about it. You’re 18, maybe start looking into moving out on your own?” jlnbtr
12. AITJ For Enrolling My Brother Without Our Parents' Permission?
“I (17F) have a 9-year-old brother. He is autistic. My parents love us equally but we’ve always been given ‘labels’ of sorts ever since we were little. I was always the academically gifted overachiever while my brother was the lovable but difficult child who is good at music and bad at school.
He doesn’t get very good marks at school, but funnily enough, he’s great at maths. He never gets full marks because he skips questions for no reason and doesn’t follow the teacher’s standard method, but give him a question related to patterns and he’ll answer it even if the question is beyond his age level.
A logical reasoning exam is going to be held in his school. The fees are not much, but not negligible either. I can easily pay for it with my pocket money. My brother wanted to take part in the exam, but my parents didn’t let him as they don’t want to waste money somewhere where my brother won’t be able to excel.
This logical reasoning exam used to be there when I was his age, and mom and dad always enrolled me in it.
My brother was really upset, so I filled out the form for him and gave him the required amount of money for the exam after making him promise he wouldn’t skip any questions and practice hard.
He told our parents after submitting the form to his teacher, and now they are mad at me for doing this behind their backs.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re a great sister, you succeeded in motivating your brother to study hard and you took financial responsibility for it, just keep doing what you’re doing.
The best thing now would be to help your parents see how your brother can thrive in the things he’s passionate about so that they can help you. They shouldn’t be mad at you especially if they enrolled you when you were his age and you’re the one who paid for it.
Honestly, there are worse ways to disobey your parents.” AirJvon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Your parents are bad people! (Not a whole judgment, but just in this situation) I can understand perhaps a small amount of hesitation at paying a fee for any examination, but seeing as they paid it for you there is no reason not to help your brother.
They should be excited that he is interested in aspects of his education, god knows I’m not interested in mine. What you did was incredible and if I was in his place I would be proud to have such a great sister.
Your parents are entirely out of pocket for being mad at you here.” xxXDogwaterXxx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, we’re able to sign him up without their permission, it seems like their permission was not needed. It was your money to spend and given that they are actively trying to hold your brother back, it seems in his best interests for someone to be advocating that he should be given a chance to try.” JCBashBash
11. AITJ For Calling My Friend An Idiot?
“I (30F) have a friend, ‘Adam’ (29M). A year and a half ago, he met ‘Emily’ (33F) online, and they started going out. Emily and I have become good friends. So, Adam asked Emily to move in with him, and she did.
Then 2 months after, he broke up with her out of the blue. When asked why he said that he just couldn’t stand that his house didn’t feel like his house anymore. And when I asked why he never talked to Emily about it, he said that she kept offering to switch the furniture up to make him more comfortable, but he kept saying no and that he thought that he would get used to it, but he never did.
Emily was devastated by the breakup because she felt that she had been trying so hard to make him happy. Because of the current rental market in our area, Emily couldn’t move out for a couple of months after the breakup.
Adam became an entirely different person after the breakup. He insisted that they ignore each other unless they had to talk about the house. He had promised to help her move so she didn’t have to pay for movers, then decided that he changed his mind and didn’t want to help.
If they argued about anything, and Emily would start to get upset, he would accuse her of being belligerent towards him in his own home. He would call up women that he met online and have conversations with them when he knew Emily could hear.
But he still asked her to watch his dog if he had to go out of town and expected her to keep the house clean.
So, she finally moved out. He called me up for a beer, and while we were hanging out, he was going on about Emily, saying things that I know are flat-out lies.
Then, he accused her of (and I’m not joking about this), deliberately diminishing his cleaning supplies just to be vindictive. Like, she was dumping them down the drain or something. I finally reached my limit. I told him that he was being an idiot about all of this, that she had simply been cleaning his house (which he stopped helping with after the breakup because he ‘wasn’t using it’ because he chose to basically move into the basement), and that any supply refills she bought to replace his, she took with her when she left. I told him that I didn’t want to hear any of his lies about Emily anymore.
He called me a jerk and that I can’t talk to him that way, and he left. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like you can’t win either way – you become friends with his SO when they were together (which would have been in his favor), then when he breaks up with her he expects you to end your friendship with her and listen to him bag her out.
Adam IS an idiot and actually sounds a little unstable (ie invites Emily to move in then becomes petulant when he decides it’s working out, notwithstanding her doing nothing wrong, and then outright dumping her instead of talking things through like a rational human being).
If you lose Adam as a friend because you called him out for being overly dramatic about cleaning products he purchased being used to clean his house, you’re better off without him. At least Emily sounds like a decent and reasonable human being and an actual friend.
Adam is being a vindictive jerk and the truth obviously hurts.
Again, NTJ” SleepDeprivedMummy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So Adam asked Emily to move in and it went terribly as expected because he didn’t compromise about anything in the house it seems. It is his home but when you invite a partner to move in then you need to realize they are going to… gasp… make themselves at home.
It’s always an adjustment going from living alone to living with a partner. Sounds like Adam isn’t ready to share his home or life with another person.” WinEquivalent4069
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, calling him an idiot is mild for how you described his behavior.
I (41m) had a few buddies from college like this and watched them since then never have healthy relationships. It’s never their fault and always has bs excuses for their partner being the problem. He’s basically a walking cautionary tale for others.
Black hole him and keep being friends with Emily. It really sounds like she was the only one looking for a relationship in their relationship. Maybe get her a dog of the same breed. (seriously don’t do this, never buy someone else a pet, they’re huge responsibilities).” FradinRyth
10. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Sleep With Her Partner At My House?
“I (29M) am getting married to my long-time partner in a few days and it’s been hectic.
My sister who lives in a different city (23F) has come home for the wedding and bought along with her partner (also 23 M), which is ok because we allow for a plus one and I won’t turn away a guest from ours.
I’m doing well for myself so I have a pretty decent house and now my parents, a few of my cousins, an aunt ad uncle, and my sister have come down to live with me there till the reception is over.
Don’t be shocked this is just how things are done in my culture. (My fiance has also moved back with her parents until all this is over).
I have absolutely no problem with her bringing her partner around and I think neither do my parents.
But my aunt and uncle certainly do. I’ve even heard them whispering what effect this might have on the younger cousins when they heard he was coming.
I tried to placate everyone and distract them with my wedding plans and it worked. However, when my sister got here things got a little more complicated. Sister came home with a warm welcome and it wasn’t that awkward with aunt and uncle and her partner either.
But when she saw the sleeping arrangements her face fell. I was bunking with another male cousin. My parents and aunt and uncle got a room each and there was another bedroom for her to share with 2 female cousins. She got annoyed and asked what her partner was supposed to do.
I told her we can set up the couch for him.
This irritated her and she said she’d sleep on the couch out with him. I flat-out refused as to what would our parents and aunt and uncle think.
She then said she didn’t like that he’d be on the couch and that she’d get a comfy bed even if she was sharing.
I told her this was out of the question and that she was behaving like a brat.
Then she suggested the cousin I was bunking with and her partner take turns on the couch (in our culture the wedding can last for a few days).
I refused this as well because well my cousin’s brother is my buddy and I don’t want to share space with her partner who is practically a stranger.
Sis started getting angry at this point and yelling at me asking why did I say she was allowed to bring someone then.
I told her she could bring someone to the wedding and not to my house.
She got even angry at this and told me I know Indian weddings last for 4-5 days and where was he to go during the wedding functions as they can’t afford a hotel for those many days.
I told her this wasn’t my problem and that she’s forgotten our culture. There’s no way my parents would accept her sleeping on the couch with her partner.
She flipped me off and told me if she doesn’t get to stay with her partner or if my cousin doesn’t alternate, she’ll leave.
I told her I would be a waste of travel expenses and time and to stop behaving like a brat.
Her partner at this point butt in and saihe was’s perfectly happy on the couch. But I could see he only did this to keep the peace.
And sis won’t stop giving me the stink eye.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You knew the wedding will last for days, so of course he’d need a comfortable space to sleep. And she didn’t invite a random date – she invited her partner, which you also knew about.
You’re honestly too locked up in people’s judgments to give your sister any consideration, but since she’s right in her demands you’re writing her off as a brat.
You could have handled this in 20 other ways. But you chose the typical desi guy route – dismiss the person causing you issues on something as minor as alternate sleeping arrangements.
Isn’t our culture also big on hospitality? Would make sense to remember that. Make the poor guy feel welcome, groomzilla.” rb50_meow
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Put the cultural stuff aside for a second. In what world is putting your sister’s partner on the couch something a good host would do?
Whoever sleeps on the couch has to go to bed after the latest night owl, and get up before the earliest morning bird. They and their things are at the center of everything. They get the least sleep and the least privacy out of anyone in the house, and you’ve assigned that role to the one person who doesn’t have the comfort of being part of the family.
This dude is going to be miserable. You should have either given your sister and her partner their own room or told them ahead of time that space was tight and you couldn’t fit them.” aetius476
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I get the culture that it’s expected that unmarried men and women sleep separately so that’s fine. But I would expect that you treat your guests equally. I would be offended if I brought my partner and the host was like ok so we have bed arrangements for everyone except that guy, he gets the couch.
If your sister only demanded they sleep together then I would say everyone sucks here because she should know that’s not culturally acceptable, but it seems like she saw the unequal way her partner was being treated and was just trying to fix it because she also suggested that he switch off with someone else for the couch every other night.
That seems like a perfectly acceptable arrangement. But you declined because you don’t like him much. He’s a guest and that was rude of you.” Dellis3
9. AITJ For Being Disappointed At My Partner's Family?
“I’ve been staying at my (19f) partner’s (18f) house for a couple of days. We are long-distance and have been together for 18 months.
This is the first time we’ve seen each other in 2 months. We have been staying on the sofa bed at her house in the living room because it’s a double bed. Yesterday, we had the living room door shut as I was getting changed. My partner’s mum started to push the door open and she shouted ‘wait OP is getting changed’.
Her mum then carried on coming in, so naturally, I shouted ‘God!’. She then just stuck her arm through the door to show my partner something.
I, naturally, felt quite uncomfortable. I was just in my bra and I didn’t want her to see me like that.
I was then upset. My partner then went to say to her mum that I was upset and asked her to apologize. (I and her mum don’t get on great due to previous reasons, but I have been trying to make an effort with her).
Her mother then shouted ‘well it’s me that’s upset’. We then left to go to my partner’s auntie’s house and we get on well.
Later on, we went back and my partner’s mum gave me dirty looks. I later found out that her mum and her sister (14f) had been slagging me off and her sister had been saying that I shouldn’t be there.
We just went back there now and as her mother was leaving, I shouted ‘yeah thanks for the apology’. I get that maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t do anything wrong.
What this says is that your partner’s mom hates you, and is just going to paint you as a villain for anything because she already was talking trash about you.
No, you’re not a jerk, you have nothing to apologize for.
But you do need to talk with your partner about no longer going to her house. If her mom and her little sister hate you so much that they are going to actively get antagonistic with you and mess with basic boundaries, it’s not a place to go.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You guys were more than happy to change from your partner’s normal room to the living room to help out the family. You had no idea the mom would be there, yet you didn’t make a fuss because you were making an effort.
(Seems like she won’t) Your partner’s mom is an abusive heavy drinker, which means on top of being in an unusual sleeping arrangement catching up with your SO, you have to deal with her now too.
OP and his partner stay with nan during visits because it was their safe place away from the mom.
The mom not only invaded their privacy by barging in; she went a step further ignoring both of y’all’s boundaries by continuing to come in after she knew OP was changing. But what gets me the most is that when the girl told her mom to apologize she was the one that was upset.
About what? Not being able to walk in on her daughter’s partner changing?
I’m glad you guys are in a new safe place to catch up on the time apart. I hope one day lil sis can see how toxic her mom is.” levinrhea
8. AITJ For Snitching To My Ex-In-Laws?
“I co-parent with my ex, we’re not on great terms but we’re civil, I still take my children to his parents’ house so they can maintain a bond with them, he doesn’t see his parents often as he lives further away.
I’m a nurse, and I do night shifts 3 times a week from 7 pm to 11 am (Mon-Wed) so from Wednesday to Saturday I’ll have my little one (7F) and then Sunday she’ll go to her dad’s.
There are two separate arguments that led up to this one I’ll try and keep brief; my daughter loves American girl dolls, and I’ve been buying them for her since she was 5 (were in the UK, but I’ve yet to find something she likes as much) problem is my ex’s partner’s daughter likes them too, they just can’t afford them (this year I bought a doll + set and it was like 400+) so they claim I’m doing that to make a rift, I’m not.
They recently had a baby and my ex’s partner was sick, so he was looking after the baby so on Tuesday around 12:30 (I’d been asleep like an hour) they phoned and texted asking if I’d pick up my daughter, I refused and they were still texting me that night asking (which I couldn’t even see).
When I picked my daughter up my ex’s partner essentially said maybe instead of spoiling my daughter I could actually be a mother, instead of part-time, I said to her maybe if she worked her daughter wouldn’t try and steal my daughter’s Nintendo switch or dolls.
I got a text from in-laws asking if I’d visit, I said ‘maybe if I’m not too busy being a part-time mother’ they asked and I explained, apparently, they got upset with my ex and it’s caused issues with them and he asked why we can’t just be civil for the children, but he says his partner has a point since Wednesday I only get her at 4 pm but she didn’t mean it, she’s just sick and they recently had a baby (3 months).
AITJ? Probably irrelevant how much I spent on the doll, but my ex did decide to Google it when I told him, so as far as I see it they wouldn’t have otherwise known.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex and his partner are though.
You are being civil. The partner is trying to pick a fight. They are being petty and ridiculous. The partner really just needs to keep her nasty thoughts to herself. Her opinion wasn’t asked for and I would push that back on her.
You work hard, you buy nice things for your daughter. You’re entitled to do those things for your daughter. In terms of the pickup, those arrangements are between you and your ex, the partner really needs to stay out of it altogether.” DreamyDragonfly77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He either needs to handle his wife or don’t get mad when you do. Y’all are following a parenting plan. Does that make him a part-time dad then? Wife needs to mind her business because y’all parenting situation isn’t her place.
It’s crazy but wives sometimes are jealous of the ex. Her child can have those things too if she took her butt to work. Dad isn’t making the situation better at all… it’s sad cause he could fix the situation but he’s choosing to ‘stay out of it’.” chefbae96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe the grandparents can talk some sense into the ex and his wife. Civil only works if people are being civil to you. That said, as a collector of American Girl dolls, part of the fun is having someone to play them with.
I don’t know how many your daughter has or how old the other girl is (and how careful she is with other people’s things) but if your daughter is okay with lending one to the other little girl, it might enhance her own playing experience.
If the other little girl is still too young to play nicely, then it might be better for the dolls to live permanently at your house to remove the temptation. When my parents divorced, we had mom’s house toys and dad’s house toys and managed okay.” PokeyWeirdo12
7. AITJ For Wanting Bullies To Understand My Daughter's Situation?
“I (f33) have a daughter (12) with cancer specifically osteosarcoma. She got diagnosed with osteosarcoma about 3 months ago. The tumor was on her hip and she was able to get limb salvage surgery 2 weeks ago.
Well about a few days before her surgery, we found out that 3 girls she considered friends (obviously not anymore) were making fun of my daughter.
They said she was being dramatic and that chemotherapy probably doesn’t make you that sick, and they were making fun of her being bald. Of course that hurt my daughter because before this she considered them to be friends.
I talked to the girl’s parents and they ended up all writing apology letters.
I was talking to one of my daughter’s doctors about that whole situation. She said how the girls are uneducated about cancer and that maybe if my daughter and I are comfortable with it they can come and see the oncology part of the hospital just to learn a bit more about cancer.
Well, I talked it over with my daughter and she was ok with it. So I tried talking to the girl’s parents. None of them were willing to let their daughter go. Saying it would be traumatizing. I brought up kids who go through cancer all the time.
If anything it’s traumatizing for my daughter and any other kid who has to deal with having cancer. They called me a jerk for trying to make their daughter’s more sorry and said they already wrote the letters so that should be enough.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
They wrote apology letters, had talks with their kids about the appalling lack of empathy, and stopped the behavior, so they don’t owe you a ‘scared straight’ opportunity. You offered, but they’re not interested and don’t think it’s necessary, so move on.
I am also thinking it’s a bit jerkish of you to use the patients going through a tough and vulnerable time as a visual aid. They did not sign up for their suffering to be a sideshow. The doctor talking to the girls would be great, but a walk through the oncology department to point out how wretched the people are is crappy and would make me feel crappy if I were one of the patients there that day.
You’d have to get permission from each person for it to be ok.
I know you want some vengeance, but you got your justice and will need to settle for that.” millac7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand them not wanting to subject their own children to trauma when they’ve already apologized, but you’re not a jerk for asking.
You can’t force them, though. You’ve already discussed it and it’s time to drop it.
If they manage to make amends with your daughter and/or they continue to bully her, bring up that discussion again. If there’s any indication that their apologies weren’t sincere or wouldn’t stick, they obviously need to go a step further, but again, you can’t force them.
At the moment there’s no reason to press the issue.” floatingwithobrien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but let it go. The parents are jerks who don’t want to have their children understand that life sucks for some people. They prefer to leave such things at a comfortable distance so that they and their kids aren’t forced to deal with the realities of their actions.
It’s like how none of us wants to actually know about how things like lithium are mined and processed, or how our electronics are built by men women, and children in essentially slavery conditions. Or how our demand for cheap goods is killing people on the other side of the world.
Because as soon as we are actually aware of those things, we have to take responsibility for our actions.
These kids have already learned their lesson: don’t get caught. Don’t push things so far that you get noticed. Keep it low-key enough to let the adults pretend nobody is getting hurt, that way, nobody has to change.” kevwelch
6. AITJ For Ringing My Neighbors' Doorbell At Midnight?
“I was walking my dog right before bed and it was around midnight.
One of the houses I go past has one of their cars parked directly over the sidewalk to the point where you have to walk in the snow to get around it. Like this is the worst parking I’ve ever seen.
I decided that since this person was inconveniencing everyone in the neighborhood who wants to use the sidewalk, I didn’t care that I would be inconveniencing him by ringing at this hour. The conversation went like this:
Me: Hi, just wanted to let you know your car is blocking the sidewalk.
Him: Oh, that’s not my car, it’s my buddies.
Me: Oh ok, is there some way you can move it? It’s completely blocking the sidewalk.
Him: What are you, with the city or something?
Me: No, I’m just out walking my dog and saw you were blocking the sidewalk.
Him: So you ring my doorbell at midnight just to tell me I’m blocking the sidewalk?
Me: Yea, you can just move it or I can just call the police and they’ll give you a ticket.
Him: Hmm, well why don’t you just get off my property, you dummy.
Me: Ha, that’s cute, ok then see ya, have a nice night.
I tell my wife about it when I get home and she thinks I was a jerk because it was too late to ring their doorbell and it’s not that big of a deal, but it’s winter and you have to walk in the snow to get past the car.
Some context, this is a completely empty residential street so it’s not a big deal to walk on the road if needed and I didn’t actually call the police to report it since I’ve never seen them park like that before.
I just want to know if I’m justified in doing so next time.
Note: The lights were on all throughout the house, it wasn’t like the house was totally dark.
EDIT: To clear up some things: It’s illegal to park on sidewalks here and during the winter months, they ban street parking overnight so lots of people will park sideways on the space between the road and the sidewalk, this person just did a HORRIBLE job of it.
This is a small Canadian town, people aren’t answering their doors with guns like all the Americans here are afraid of.
We get our sidewalks cleared by the city with these mini plows, however, there hasn’t been any snow for a couple of days now.
I figured they would have just given a ticket if I called the police, in which case that doesn’t help those who would use the sidewalk in the morning. It would have been in everyone’s best interest if he would have just moved it so the obstacle was immediately cleared and then would also be saved from a potential ticket.
I don’t know if they got a ticket because I didn’t wake up until 10 am and it’s a weekday so everyone is already gone.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and super petty at that.
Did you get the car successfully moved?
No, and if you actually cared you would have called the cops. Which proves that you just wanted to get petty revenge on the guy and give yourself a big ole dose of self-righteousness.
Should he park there? No. Should you address it with your neighbor at an appropriate time?
Yes. Was this issue so important that it had to be addressed at midnight? Nah. Why couldn’t it wait till the morning? Oh right, because you wanted to get some revenge rather than justice or some sort of actual neighborly resolution.
You aren’t technically wrong but your motivations are obviously in bad faith.” sawdeanz
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your neighbor shouldn’t have had a car parked like that in their driveway. It’s inconsiderate and frustrating.
You, though, need to get perspective.
You probably just ruined your relationship with your neighbor by ringing their door at midnight and threatening to call the police for something so minor that has apparently only happened once. It’s one of those times where you get to be ‘right’ but I guarantee you would be better off if you had just walked in the snow for five feet and moved on with your night.” JohnnyFootballStar
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I feel like this is one of those cases where you’re just being an overbearing stickler for the rules. If this was happening during the day when sidewalks are actively being used then I’d say that you have a point, the sidewalk shouldn’t be blocked and hindering people’s passage because the street is also being used by cars.
However this is happening at night close to midnight… the streets are practically dead and very very few if any people are walking the sidewalks.
Just because you were slightly inconvenienced and had to walk maybe a few feet in snow for a single house, you decide that its ok to disturb the guy and his household at 12 at night just so you can feel justified about being right about him not being allowed to block the sidewalk… then try to threaten him with police no less.
Dude, how boring is your life that you need to be this butt hurt over something like this?” ThatBrownGuy120
5. AITJ For Selling My House?
“My husband and father of my kids passed away when they were 11 & 8, 10 years ago. There has been other trauma with one of the kids having an emotionally disturbed mental illness that resulted in trauma for both the other child and myself.
Both kids have identified the house as a potential trigger.
The housing market by me has been super hot for about 2 years. Interest rates are spiking rapidly, and prices are expected to drop an additional 10% in the next year. (In the month since I decided to sell and have the house ready to be put on the market, the asking price decreased by $25k.) Both of my kids are away at college now.
My older daughter is getting married in August. My original plan was to sell after the wedding (that I am paying for 100%), but with the potential of losing $100k, I have decided to put it on the market now.
My older daughter’s plan was to never move back home but to move straight from college housing to the future apartment she will share with her fiancé.
Neither of them has a nickel.
The day the house goes on the market, my older daughter calls me and is losing her mind that I’m not considering her in this and that I’m taking away her ‘stability.’ That this is severely affecting her mental health because she no longer feels secure, and $100k isn’t worth taking away her stability.
AITJ for prioritizing some financial security for my later years over her feeling of security?
PS – There will be a bedroom for her wherever I move to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘Older daughter calls me and is losing her mind that I’m not considering her in this and that I’m taking away her ‘stability’.’
At 21, about to be married, and never planned to move back home?
This is a reaction that means she should seek therapy to manage the anxiety over this and work through those feelings.
Her feelings are real and valid, AND it’s not reasonable to expect you to take the financial hit of keeping the house.
Having feelings doesn’t mean other people have to change their lives and plans to avoid those feelings.
And some of this is probably also part of the normal experience a lot of adult children experience when their parent’s home is no longer their home.
For some, it’s when the parent downsizes to a smaller home, for others it may be when rooms are dismantled and repurposed for the people still living there.
It is often the moment that an adult child has to recognize they no longer have the same safety net because they are – or are supposed to be – an independent adult.
‘and $100k isn’t worth taking away her stability.’
That’s an unfair thing to say when she’s not the one paying the cost. She can’t hold your life in amber to soothe her anxiety.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%. But you may want to speak with your daughter about her concerns. The job and housing markets are impossible right now, especially for new grads. She’s probably having a lot of anxiety. You should still sell the house if that’s what you want to do since it’s yours and she’s an adult, but you should also maybe have a discussion with her to try to get to the root of why she’s insecure enough to act so entitled.
ETA: what I mean by talk to her is like. Lay down the law and say ‘I am selling my house because it is mine and I think that this is the best time to do it’, but also ‘how can I help you come up with some sort of plan to get a job now so that you can start saving to move out after college’.
You don’t have to give her money; you shouldn’t, even. However it may help her though if she feels like you do hear her by sitting down and talking it through with her, and it may help her if she’s got some sort of plan in place to focus on.
Making one together might be a good way to ease her into the idea that you are selling your house, while also assuring her that it does not mean she can’t have stability; it’ll help her find stability on her own if she’s got a plan on how to do that.” Holiday_Cabinet_
Another User Comments:
“She probably just feels like her not being informed of your intentions is a sign that she isn’t wanted. Especially if she struggles with other mental issues. Growing up is weird. I’m sure you remember that awkward and confusing period when you suddenly become an adult.
It’s anxiety-inducing for sure. Reassurance is likely all she needs. Let her know that you will always have a place for her to come home to, but you have to make decisions that are best for YOUR future. It’s selfish for her not to consider that your future is equally important.
She’s getting worked up over a future that she has planned to avoid anyway.
She made choices to move directly into her own place with her partner, but not having a plan b when and if her decision doesn’t work out… is not fair to you.
That was a bit immature of her. I don’t know your personal financial situation, but 100K is a whole lot of money. She shouldn’t expect you to sacrifice such a huge profit so she has a fallback plan.
Again. Selfish. Not to mention unreasonable! Again, she is probably just feeling scared that you won’t be there if she needs some help. Likely she just needs to be reminded that she has nothing to worry about. Maybe ask her to help you choose your new home?
That way she feels like part of the process.” Mean-Tie-6018
4. AITJ For Yelling At A Bridesmaid?
“A friend of mine from high school (we will call her M) is getting married early next year, and I am honored to be part of her bridal party. M has always been a bubbly and sweet girl. The bridesmaid, M’s sister, is also a sweetie pie and we hang out a lot as well.
M also invited all her female cousins to be her bridesmaids as well. One of them, Y, has been on my nerves as soon as I am aware of her involvement.
Basically, it all started when Y accompanied M to her makeup trial appointment as according to M, Y is a makeup enthusiast and could probably give constructive feedback on the look.
Originally, M’s sister was supposed to be going to the appointment as well but due to health restrictions, only one guest can attend the appointment with the bride. M said she chose Y in the end cause she felt that, and I quote, ‘Y might get really angry and make a scene if I called her all the way out for the appointment and not let her oversee it.’ However, according to M’s sister, the makeup made M look really tired and old, but Y insisted M looked amazing in it.
But Y apparently defended and said M is supposed to look older for her wedding day since she currently looked too much like a baby.
The bridesmaids decided to organize a day to get all our dresses in one go.
An hour after we started, Y finally arrived, no hi, no sorry I’m late, just stormed in and said I want this dress help me get it. While we were waiting to get our measurements, M decided to let Y know she will be changing her makeup artist because she really didn’t feel right with the previous one.
M is a small girl, and she was already hunching a bit when she told Y that. Y, being a bigger girl, literally towered over M and demanded ‘Why not the previous one? I told you she is good! You should follow my advice!’ M was already huddled in a corner and I couldn’t let this go on, so I stepped up and said ‘hey technically it’s none of your business.
if she didn’t like it then she has every right to change.’ Y just glanced at me and said ‘But I like it so she should follow me!’ She continued ‘She hasn’t even tried the new one yet right?
How would she know whether she’ll like this new one?’ So I said, ‘Well doesn’t matter because at least we know she didn’t like the previous one.’
The next day, I got a text from M saying Y demanded an apology that night because we were mean and made her upset.
M started explaining that Y was mistreated as a kid and didn’t really know how to communicate properly with people, plus she was always considered the glam and pretty one of the family so she’s very defensive with her opinions when it came to fashion and beauty.
I said I wouldn’t say sorry because I was just trying to defend a friend when Y overstepped her boundaries. M said she thinks I am edging into a manic episode because I have been very grumpy recently. She also said I should just avoid conflict with Y from now on because Y was really hurt that time and I was the one in the wrong and should be on my meds again.
So, what do you all think?
Edit: M wasn’t being malicious, but ever since I knew her, her delivery wasn’t the greatest so I wasn’t too upset about it. My therapist does agree I am more irritated than usual lately so I got my meds again.
I had some money issues a few months back so had to stop therapy and eventually ran out of meds. But guess I wasn’t ok without them.
But rest assured I will never be apologizing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This bridesmaid was bullying the bride and you stood up to her. Sure, it might have led to an uncomfortable moment, and yes it might have been better to have that conversation away from others, but sometimes you have to step in to stop a bully at the moment.
Also, I’m sorry but it’s also kind of a jerk move to suggest you did this because of your mental health. The bride has clearly enabled Y’s behavior for years, perhaps because she’s scared of her.
It’s interesting to me that the bride says allowances have to be made for Y because she’s suffered mistreatment in the past, but is quick to criticize your actions which she thinks might have been caused by your mental health.
Definitely avoid conflict from Y going forward, but also have a good think if you want to be part of the wedding party at all.” theHannig
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Y is a nightmare and M should think seriously about why she is enabling that kind of behavior.
Y is an adult now and can’t use childhood bullying as an excuse to treat other people like crap. M was nasty to bring your mental health into it. If she was worried about your mental health she should have raised it as a separate issue.
What you said wasn’t even rude.” FlameHawkfish88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Unfortunately, M, the bride, sides with her bully because she feels sorry for Y’s past trauma. Y was bullied as a child and is now doing the same to others.
Problem is, this is not your wedding. You did your best, defended your friend, etc. However, the bride decides what to do. And it seems she’s deciding Y will manage her wedding.
So, now you have a choice. Accept that you’re there for the bride, no matter how wrong she is lol, and support her and her stupid decisions, or, step out of the bridal party.
M has already chosen, she supports Y while she told you that you ‘need to go back on your meds’, which is a really trashy thing to say.
If you decide to continue as a bridesmaid, you need to apologize to keep the peace (a fake apology, just for appearances, but the words need to come out of your mouth).
Because remember, you are there to support the bride.” esk_7140
3. AITJ For Working Hard To Get A Promotion?
“I’m in my 30s and everyone involved is between 30-50.
About 6 months ago, our unit VP announced his retirement by the end of the year so the company went into search mode. We recently found out our manager will be promoted to the VP position so now his position needs to be filled. This brings us to my current situation.
I’m single with no kids so I have no other responsibilities except to myself. I really want this position because it’s a visible position and a great stepping stone to my career (as seen by my manager’s promotion) and it’ll almost double my pay.
Once we found out about our manager’s promotion, I started to take on extra projects and take work home. I leave work at my normal hours and then work from home until 9 or 10 pm, even on the weekends. All of those extra hours have allowed me to take on harder projects that other people turned down and complete more than anyone else.
My manager and the VP have noticed and complimented me on my hustle. My colleagues also noticed my increased production. Last week a work friend asked me how I’m able to do all of those projects in 8 hrs and I told her about my nights and weekends.
Word got around and this week during our weekly conference call, my colleagues told me to cut it out. They accused me of being dishonest because I’m putting in the number of hours they can’t so I’m skewing the production numbers.
I refused and don’t think it was dishonesty at all and argued they can put in the same amount of hours. Some said they can’t because of family time and others refuse to work hours they won’t get paid for (we’re all on salary).
We spent most of the meeting arguing about it.
Am I being dishonest? AITJ?
Edit: My colleagues and I are all supervisors. I have a mentor who’s a VP in a different unit and he’s advising me on the promotion process and the steps I need to take.
He also told me what to expect if I get promoted so I’m going into this fully informed. Basically, my manager worked about 50-60 hrs a week because he was always on call.
Edit 2: I won’t get promoted just because I hustled for a month or two.
Management looks over my entire career and time at the company. However, my mentor told me to think of it as having an important project coming up and what will I do to complete it. He said my VP and Manager don’t expect me to keep up the production but are looking to see who is climbing for the open position.
He goes on to say with everything being equal (skills, knowledge, etc) there is little chance for a person who religiously works only 40 hrs to be promoted to a position that requires 50-60 hrs. Personally, I view double pay as more compensation for the increasing hrs.
Edit 3: The one ‘leading the charge’ and making the most noise is a lady in her 50s. She’s been here the longest, longer than even our recently promoted manager. We’ve always had a cordial working relationship but she’s been vicious as of late.
We’re all supervisors and are on salary. I know some places require sign-in sheets for salary positions but we don’t have such constraint. I do know they audit our computer usage to see how much or little we work.
My colleagues and I all submitted our application and CV for the position. There are other applications from other business units within the company as this is a highly desirable job.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but… Hustle culture is a sickness.
Know that companies and bosses will happily extract everything they can from you, praise you for your loyalty and dedication to the company… and fire you (for no reason, with no notice, no severance unless required under law) and not feel one bit bad about it.
Also, be sure to document how your knowledge, skill, and ability make you an outstanding candidate for the job. Think ahead – will these colleagues become direct reports? How can you strengthen the relationships with them, while not sacrificing your own goals?
Even if they will still be peers, if they collectively freeze you out or undermine you – you will fail.
Time to polish up people skills. You need them on your side. Start showing them you can be a leader.
Advocate for them. Help them get what they need. Don’t give up on the new role, just pick up the people part. They need to know you are not stepping on them, you are stepping up for them.” SmartyChance
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and here’s why.
No, you’re not being dishonest, but doing this type of thing is a terrible precedent to set. Especially, if you become a manager, you will be leading by example, and expecting others to practically devote their entire life to work is just awful.
It will be impossible for anyone to look at you and think ‘I can do that and someday, I can have OP’s position’ and that’s super discouraging.
Essentially, overworking like this leads to a toxic work culture and if you wouldn’t expect it from your team as a manager, you shouldn’t do it yourself.
If you DO expect people to work 12-14 days and on weekends in order to get a promotion, then you are a toxic people leader not worthy of having high-performing people.
Ultimately, your performance should be weighed against the hours you’re paid to work and it’s an utter failure of your management team now not to encourage you to set healthy and safe boundaries with your work.
You can’t keep doing this, so stop now. And if you’re strong-willed enough to keep doing this, what’s the point of doubling your salary if you don’t have free time to enjoy it?
On a side note, if you work in the private sector, cut this thing out… devoting this much time to your work just for you to be laid off, under-valued, or treated poorly isn’t worth it.
In 98% of cases, you are not above being replaced or let go at any moment. I’m not saying don’t work hard, or put in an extra hour or two when needed but don’t make a habit of giving any more of your life to your employer.” NGRoachClip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, if I was looking at this as a manager I’d be looking at your output prior to when the position opened up. You just doing work now because you want a promotion that’s available is not really a true reflection of your work ethic.
I would just assume you’re hustling now to get it and will return to whatever the status quo was prior to the position opening up. If they are filling the position correctly they should be looking at much more than a short stint of higher productivity.
If you don’t plan on maintaining the same level after being promoted you’re not giving a true reflection of the type of manager you would be.” Affectionate_Log7215
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – but not because you’re being dishonest, but because you’re being unrealistic and possibly setting expectations for everyone else that they can’t follow.
What if you find a partner and they want to spend time with you but you can’t because you’ve already shown you can work absurd hours and that’s what they’ll expect? What if you have a child, are you going to keep working those hours?
You’re hurting yourself in the long run. Are you going to keep working crazy hours after you get the promotion? Because if you don’t, that’ll be a noticeable decline in your work performance. It’s not healthy.
What if your bosses start to expect that from everyone else, but for them it’s not realistic? At this point you won’t get the job because you deserve it, you’ll get it because they know they can work you like crazy and not pay you for it.” Itzy0307
2. AITJ For Blackmailing My Cousins Into Not Telling An Embarrassing Story?
“My (35m) little sister was born when I was ten. My parents expected me to help with her and I tried my best. When she was about three months off I was told to change her diaper.
I tried but I ended up puking on the poor baby. It was so gross. My older cousin (38) was there and he loves to tell that story.
Well, we are talking about my sister’s wedding and he says that he is going to tell the story.
I say it’s gross and not appropriate and that it is embarrassing to me and my sister. He said it’s part of the family legend and everyone will think it’s funny.
So fine I agree. Then I mentioned the time that he almost threw his baby son over a picnic table.
He was holding his son and making himself a sandwich when he noticed that he had mustard on his arm. So he licked it off. It wasn’t mustard. Baby poop is weird. I had to take the baby because he literally was looking like he was going to chuck the kid.
Then he went over to a tree and threw up for about five minutes. We told everyone there that it was food poisoning.
He started yelling and saying that it wasn’t the same and that I am a jerk for threatening to bring that up and that lots of people don’t know.
Yeah, lots of people don’t know because I kept my mouth shut.
So am I the jerk for threatening reciprocity?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your cousin needs to grow up a bit. If your cousin brings it up at the wedding be classy and don’t say anything.
He’ll look like the jerk if you and your sister don’t react to the story. Remember the day is your sister’s. But it would be funny if someone had him escorted out if he told the story. But be sure at a family dinner or some such gathering, you bring up his embarrassing moment before he can bring up yours again.” fehk82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he’s gonna tell an embarrassing story, then you get to tell an embarrassing story. You asked him not to tell it because you and your sister hate the story and it wouldn’t be appropriate for your sister’s wedding.
He refused so you threatened to dish out what he’s planning on serving. He can either risk getting embarrassed or keep his mouth shut.” ManicPanicPeach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not uncommon to get a gag reflex going when you’re dealing with baby poop.
For someone not accustomed to the sight or smell, the chances of it happening are much higher. T*t for tat. He tells the story you don’t want to be told, and he does anyway, all bets are off. Old saying… ‘Don’t dish it, if you can’t take it’.
Most people aren’t going to just sit there, under attack without retaliation. You saved BIL’s dignity once, not to mention the poop/ mustard incident.
Now, both of you are acting like children. Just avoid BIL at the party if you can.
Make small talk. Play nice, I suppose. Keep in mind, all of this happened over 25 years ago! if he brings it up again, tell him it’s old news, and doesn’t he have any new material.? Worse comes to worst, skip the party.” BeadsAndReads
1. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Buy Presents For All The Kids?
“My husband and I have 2 children, ‘Danny’ (10M) and ‘Clarissa’ (6F).
For 2 years now, we’ve fostered children. Our families have been supportive. Last Christmas, we had a long-term placement ‘Whitney’ (they were with us for 6 months at the time). My husband’s family made sure to get her gifts if they were buying some for our bio children.
Mine did the same, except for my mother. She got my kids really nice gifts, but for Whitney she got nothing. Whitney was a toddler so she didn’t notice, but it did rub me the wrong way. I talked with my mom and she said she didn’t think it’d matter as Whitney would be going home soon.
I told her in the future, of course, gifts for our own kids aren’t expected, but if she buys for one, she has to buy for everyone.
Whitney was reunited with her parents 2 months later. Shortly after we got our next placement ‘Samantha’.
She’s 8 years old. We don’t know how much longer she’ll be with us but it does seem like reunification is on the horizon (exciting for Samantha!).
My mom recently called me asking what ‘the kids wanted for Christmas’.
She worded it just like that, not ‘what do Danny and Clarissa’, just ‘the kids’. I mentioned an idea for each child, including Samantha. She then said ‘But she’s going home soon’. I replied yes but she will be with us through the holidays at a minimum and she’s old enough to understand that the other kids are receiving gifts and she’s not.
My mom kept arguing and finally, I said I won’t accept gifts for Danny and Clarissa. If she shows up with just gifts for them, then they’ll be sent back. My mom told me I’m being spiteful.
I said I can’t control her buying gifts for Samantha, but she won’t exclude her.
My kids are not the type to expect gifts. They wouldn’t notice if grandma didn’t get them anything. Another relative who usually goes all out was having a hard time last year and didn’t get them anything, they didn’t say a word.
So I know they won’t even be fazed by this. This also isn’t an issue of money on my mom’s end. She admits she could afford to buy Samantha something.
My husband is backing me up but some of my relatives aren’t.
AITJ?
Edit: My mom comes in person to drop off gifts and she physically passes out the gifts. So it’d be obvious if I then gave her a gift while my mom excluded her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You aren’t expecting presents or telling her what to buy, you are simply telling her that she needs to buy for all, or for none.
She can then budget accordingly and buy all the kids something less expensive, or just not give gifts.
And yes, no one should expect presents or demand that presents should be bought for them or their children. However, as adults, we can also appreciate that kids have complicated feelings and need to be treated equally no matter their formal relationship.
You are doing incredible work fostering kids, and you aren’t asking your mother to spend more money, just to help make sure the foster kids feel included by buying for everyone OR not buying at all. It’s really not that hard, and it also makes sense to anyone with even half a heart.
The kids you are fostering are going through what may be the toughest time of their life, and they need to feel valued and included.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
On a basic, human level: Yeah, your mom’s kinda being trashy if she can make a foster kid’s life a little better (without any undue hardship) and actively chooses not to.
Jerk move, no question.
That being said, my family ran foster/care homes over multiple generations. Here’s a thing you don’t seem to understand. You signed up to foster these kids. Not your mom, not your kids, you.
You are the only one who actually bears that responsibility.
If your Mom only wants to buy presents for her grandkids, that is her right. (Like I said, it’d be a jerk move, but…). You really have no right to punish your kids (who did not sign up for any of this) for your mom’s choices.
Do you want a solution? Buy the extra present yourself, and don’t allow grandma to hand them out herself. That way, you minimize the impact of the situation on the kids. If grandma refuses, then she’s choosing not to give those presents on Christmas.
That wouldn’t be on you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but on the condition that you’re not expecting her to buy an equal gift to your children.
It’s wonderful that your foster child will likely be reunified soon.
That suggests to me that her connection with her own family is still strong. She not only doesn’t need your parents to step into a familial role but also likely would be uncomfortable if they did so. This is currently viewed as temporary for everyone, including Samantha.
Treating her the same way as if she’s going to stay forever may not be what she wants.
That being said, they should buy her something if they are giving other gifts to children. As someone who opened gifts at the same time as cousins and second cousins, we all understood the magnitude of the gift would be different based on the relationship.
Something thoughtful she would appreciate and easily take with her would be lovely and appropriate.
It’s not about the size of the gift. It’s about conveying she is welcome and part of the celebration.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your mom for obvious reasons. You because you chose to foster children, not your mom. Your children don’t have a say, either. It’s great that you treat her like one of your own, but refusing gifts from grandma because of the foster children just punishes your bio kids.
That’s a recipe for resentment. Just get an extra gift and either has your mom give it to her or don’t let her pass the gifts out personally. You can’t go year after year refusing things for your bio kids because others don’t feel the same way about your foster children as you.” Fine_Baseball6921
