People Wish To Talk To Us About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
36. AITJ For Telling My Fiance He Doesn't Have To Ask For Anyone's Permission To Propose To Me?
“My (23 F) now fiancé (24 M) proposed on Christmas Day at his family’s house and it was beautiful and romantic and he did such a wonderful job planning the whole thing.
The issue lies here: my mom is up in arms about him not asking for her blessing or anyone else’s.
My dad is not really in the picture and we barely talk so I told my fiancé he didn’t have to ask him. I am also not a fan of the tradition to begin with because I feel it’s outdated and treats women more like property rather than a grown woman who is able to make her own decisions.
That being said, my mom is now ‘irrevocably hurt’ that she wasn’t asked to give her blessing.
Once I told her my reasoning behind it, she started quoting the Bible at me saying you should honor both your mother and your father. I don’t see how this dishonors her in any way, especially since I have asked her to walk me down the aisle and give me away, which I see as a bigger honor than giving her blessing.
On Saturday, my mom’s partner of 15 years overheard us talking about it and cut in yelling saying that she should have been asked because she’s cared for me and raised me my whole life and that he’s now ‘lost so much respect for fiancé’ because he didn’t ask anyone in the family for their blessing.
He has not spoken to me since. If I had known it was going to be such a big deal I would have had him ask my mom, but I don’t understand how she would be okay with him asking someone besides her, but because he asked no one, it’s a big issue.
AITJ for telling him he didn’t have to ask anyone for their permission/blessing considering I don’t like the tradition and my dad isn’t in the picture?”
35. AITJ For Not Wanting To Ask My Son To Share A Room With His Brother?
“My daughter Avery (24) and her husband Tom (29) are expecting their first baby together. They’re both very excited and have been getting so many things done in a short time.
Because they’ve been busy lately we haven’t seen them in 2 months.
Yesterday they visited me at the house to talk about the baby mostly. Tom asked me if I had emptied one of the rooms so I could turn it into a nursery yet. I was confused by his question and asked him why.
He said that he expected me to. I asked why again, and he looked at me and said that every decent grandmother prepares a nursery at her home specifically to welcome her grandson as a new member of the extended family. Then went on to give examples of how common this tradition is.
I don’t know why but his words irked me. I asked why can’t his mom prepare one for her grandson since this is her grandson too. He laughed and said that his mom already has one prepared that she paid for herself. I have to mention Tom’s family is well off unlike us.
We don’t have an available room or budget to afford a whole nursery yet. Tom insisted it’s necessary and that I make efforts to make sure my grandson gets everything he needs whenever they visit. I looked at my daughter wondering if she agreed with this and by the looks of it, she did.
I told Tom that I don’t have the space or budget to make this happen but he argued that not making this happen will affect how many visits I get compared to his mom who’s fully prepared and ‘considerate’ of her grandbaby’s needs. Avery finally spoke up but told me to please try to move my 16-year-old son to stay with his 14-year-old brother.
I said no the boys are old enough to get their own room but Tom pitched in saying boys can share a room since they’re boys but I wasn’t convinced. In fact, I was upset they came up with this suggestion. Avery didn’t like that and took it as if I don’t care about her baby and don’t want to do anything for him but that is just not true.
The conversation turned into an argument and they left minutes later.
Avery must’ve called my husband because he yelled at me when he came home saying this was no way to treat my daughter and our grandchild. I told him the story and he accused me of favoring the boys over Avery like I always do but this time I just don’t think her request is in any way reasonable.
Edit: I never said this was common. It is not unless you have a well-off family that is why I think Tom said his family considers this normal.
Tom offered to pay for everything and all I have to do is empty my son’s room.
I said no and the argument started again with Tom saying I’m refusing to work with them on a compromise, but this is not a compromise to me.”
34. AITJ For Not Sharing My Inheritance With My Husband?
“My husband and I had triplets (all boys) about 2 years after we got married. They had some health issues.
Because of that, my husband wanted me to quit my job and take care of our boys and our home. Since it was cheaper than paying for specialized child care.
I agreed. Our family lives in a row of townhomes (6 homes in our building) that were owned by our landlord at the time.
I was offered a job cleaning townhomes when a tenant moved out by our landlord. I asked my husband about it. He said that he didn’t care but he didn’t want it to ‘interfere’ with my responsibilities at home. We also agreed the money would be mine since it’s a second job.
We did this for 3 years. It grew into where I cleaned other places for my landlord. I just put the funds into savings. My father-in-law died in June 2019. When my husband received a check from his mom I asked my husband about it. He got angry and said that it was his money and that any future inheritance would not be part of our family budget.
My husband ended up going on several trips with his brothers with the money. I was ok with that. Although I was hurt he got angry when I asked about it.
On October 2021, my grandpa died. I am the only grandchild. My parents make good money so his estate was left to me.
I just transferred the funds and rented out the farmland around his home. I did decide to keep his home since it is close to my parents’ home. I live 4 hours away from them. I didn’t talk to my husband about it since it was ‘my inheritance’.
January of this year my landlord came to me and let me know he was selling the townhomes I live in. With costs rising around us, I was worried about it. It would cause a major impact on our family budget. Things worked out to where I was able to use my inheritance combined with what I had saved from working to buy the building.
My husband came to me and told me he wants me to deposit part of the rental income from the other townhomes into our family account, allowing more spending money for fun.
I reminded him of our agreements. Along with we no longer have a rent payment.
We ended up in a fight.
He is saying I am being the jerk for not sharing the money coming in.”
33. AITJ For Telling My Roommate To Make Her Family Stay At A Hotel?
“Last year I bought my first house, it has 4 bedrooms with me, B, C, and D.
We have 2 guest rules: send a heads up if you are having guests and don’t leave guests home alone. It’s usually ‘For your information, friends are coming for dinner’ or ‘For your information, my SO is staying the night’.
D’s family lives about 5 hours away. Her siblings range from 2 months to 20 years old. She also has a large extended family and told us they were coming for the weekend to visit. She never mentioned a hotel and I asked ‘Hey just curious where is your family staying?
I just can’t have a whole family here’. She said ‘Of course not they have a hotel but can my sister stay some nights, she misses me’. I said, ‘Of course, your sister can stay I just meant the house can’t support a whole fam’.
They canceled at the last minute.
The next weekend she had to work all day on both days. Her family decided to come up that weekend and drove up Fri night. She texted us Fri around 11:49 pm saying ‘Fam came in late, it was spontaneous can they crash in the living room and check into the hotel in the morning’.
I was at my SO’s house. B and D were also away that weekend. No one saw the text or replied till morning, I thought it was fine when I read it since it was only for the night.
Sunday morning I get a text from B saying, ‘Why is there a toddler in the living room?
and who is the old guy?’ She came home to several people in our house. I immediately called and said why is your fam in the house without you? She said they ended up staying and she didn’t tell us cuz ‘her weekend was crazy and she was busy’.
I said that her family has never been to our house before, don’t have a key, she wasn’t with them, and she didn’t tell anyone. She told me her mother, step-father, grandfather, a toddler (I don’t know who), teen sister, and the 2 mo were there completely alone for nearly 2 days.
and her grandfather isn’t immunized.
I don’t think her family was going to break or steal anything and this wasn’t financial because she told me they shopped a bunch and had already had a hotel booked. Afterward, I told her I was sorry for being abrupt but it caught me off guard and please don’t do it again.
She agreed and we moved on
On New Year’s Eve, she does it again. She told us her family would come up to visit on Sat morning and they had an Airbnb. She texts us on NYE at 10 pm ‘My fam decided to drive up today due to weather, we don’t check in until tomorrow.’ I called her immediately and said that she needs to find her family a place for the night and the house is not an option.
She told me they were looking. I find out the next day that B came home and again was surprised to find all the people in the house with no warning. D texted the group chat about their arrival moments after B saw them all.
I told her the time to tell us and the time to find a hotel was 4.5 hours ago when they started driving.
She has avoided me since. AITJ?”
32. AITJ For Punishing My Daughter For Manipulating Her Younger Brother To Give Her His Snacks?
“I work fourteen-hour days on Saturdays, so I pick up food on my way home so I don’t have to cook, and so pick up snacks for the kids too.
Usually, sweet treats that last them all week.
Every Friday I ask what they want. My two younger kids (10 M, 7 F) give me their list. My daughter (14), however, always tells me she doesn’t want anything. She has all of Friday and can message me at work all of Saturday if she changes her mind.
Every week, like clockwork, she insists she doesn’t want anything, multiple times, and then every week she’ll huff and start crying because she doesn’t have anything. My ten-year-old is really sweet and will instead give her his, so he doesn’t have anything for the rest of the week.
He will then end up sharing with his younger sister.
This annoys me. No matter what I do punishment-wise, she won’t quit her behavior. She will cry incessantly, and claim I’m favoring them. Both kids get really upset whenever anyone cries, so it’s just a cycle.
Last Saturday she started again. I’d had a particularly stressful day and said she could either shut up and put up, or take her butt to her room. She continued to whine so I marched her to her room.
She was pretty shocked but stopped crying.
My younger two and I ate our snacks. They were initially kind of upset, but after I explained a little, they were happy to eat. My wife was upset but didn’t say anything.
Every night after I get in we have our sweet treat. Every night oldest starts whining and so I send her to her room.
Today my wife blew up at me over it; saying she has a right to be upset, and that I should just buy her snacks anyway rather than forcefully single her out each night. I disagree; she’s a big girl, she can ask for snacks if she wants them, not manipulate her younger brother into giving his up.
Overall it created a huge rift. I will admit her behavior has been much, much better this week, but I’m now thinking she may just be hiding from me rather than behaving. I don’t know if I went too far with it or not.
So, AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Gifting My Wife With A New Wardrobe?
“My wife has had a tough year. We’ve lost two pregnancies in six months and with both of them, she had such severe morning sickness she could barely leave the house. She felt extremely isolated and depressed due to this but is starting to get back on her feet and is planning to go back to work next month.
As she was so unwell, her body changed. Before pregnancy, she had been a regular gym goer but lost a lot of muscle mass as she was throwing up so often, and since the miscarriages, gained a little more back. I think she looks beautiful but none of her clothes fit/suit her anymore and she says she doesn’t feel confident in herself at all but she’s not been working so feels guilty buying herself new stuff.
I’ve been secretly buying her lots of things over the last couple of weeks so she has a whole new wardrobe to return to work with, both casual everyday stuff and workwear, shoes, a bag, and vouchers for her favorite undergarment shop. I previously worked in fashion so have a good eye and also called in favors from old friends.
I was planning on giving her this next week.
Last night, we had her best friend and husband over for dinner and whilst my wife and her friend’s husband were in the garden, I told her friend about the gift and showed her a few bits.
I thought she’d be excited for my wife but she lost her mind and said it was really offensive of me to try and control how my wife dresses, that it was hurtful the clothes I’d bought were larger sizes, and how it would stop her from having any motivation to get her figure back, however, she also said the gym kit I got was offensive as I was pushing her to return to the gym by giving her that (honestly not my intention, I just wanted her to feel confident if she does go back) she also said it was rude to get someone a gift for no official reason, like birthday or anniversary.
I was dumbfounded as I thought it was a thoughtful gift but now I’m having second thoughts that I could hurt my wife more when she’s already vulnerable.
Am I the jerk if I give my wife this gift?”
30. AITJ For Only Letting Close Family To Visit My Newborn Son?
“My (26 F) sister (28 F) began going out with a guy in November of 2021.
I’m not sure exactly how they met but he gave her a name at first that wasn’t real. He eventually told her his real first name ‘Miles’ and a couple of weeks later gave her his real last name. I thought this was sketchy but it’s not my business and I figure I can just keep my distance.
2 weeks after they meet, Thanksgiving rolls around and I’m hosting it at my house. She tells me she’s bringing Miles to Thanksgiving, doesn’t ask just tells me. I was like ‘I don’t know, I really don’t want the first time I meet this guy to be at my house.’ I bring up the name change thing but she’s upset with me anyways.
My mom and dad take her side and I end up giving in and letting him come. He doesn’t do anything too weird at Thanksgiving but he has a lot of outlandish stories to share. I am nice enough to him anyways!
I decided that since my family all seem to like him that maybe I’m just not giving him a fair shot and decided to go to lunch with the both of them a month or so later.
Within 5 mins he says to me ‘You know your grandpa has dementia right’ I was shocked. My sister sat there nodding her head and their evidence was my sister told him something and he forgot and asked a question about it the next day. Mind you this man is 80 years old but is in otherwise great shape.
He then proceeds to ask me about our family business finances, and how much we make each year, just inappropriate questions that are not his business.
Last month, I tell my cousins (who also work at a family business) the type of inquiries he was making and they ban him from the office (he was coming in for hours in the middle of the day).
I take my cousin’s side obviously. My dad tells me I need to ‘mind my own business’ and my sister is furious with me and avoids me for a while. When we talk again I basically tell her that I cannot trust her partner and do not want to be around him, and I cite the comment about our grandpa in my explanation.
She says to me ‘Wow you’re really hung up on the dementia thing aren’t you’?
Oh, did I mention I’ve been pregnant this whole time?! Last week, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I’m starting to allow close family to come by the house and see him.
She texts me and says ‘Miles and I are coming by to see the baby’. I tell her you can come but he is most definitely not allowed in my house or anywhere near my son. She tells me fine, I’m not coming to see him either, and I respond ‘Ok, that’s your choice.’ Now my parents are mad at me for shutting her out and not ‘allowing her’ to see my son even though I specifically stated she was welcome on her own.
I thought I was in the right but my parents are just making me feel crazy. AITJ for drawing this boundary? This endless conflict is starting to wear me down and I’m wondering if I should just give in to keep the peace. What do y’all think?”
29. AITJ For Wanting Visiting Buyers To Stick To Their Scheduled Time Slot?
“My husband and I are selling our home. We are still living in the home so showings for buyers are on an appointment-only basis. We’ve had quite a bit of showing since we’ve listed. But a trend has started where the buyers and their realtors will start coming way before the scheduled time and walking right into our home.
(We have a key box on our door that has a PIN for realtors so they can just unlock the door with the key from the box). This has been honestly getting on my last nerve. I work from home so it is imperative that they stick to their scheduled time slot so I can let my boss know when I’ll be out and plan the time ahead.
(I usually make sure I’m out of the home about 10-15 minutes before their scheduled time just in case they are a bit early)
Today I was in the middle of working and looked up to see 4 people standing in my living room. They were about 30 minutes early and just walked in.
I (politely) asked them to leave and come back at their scheduled time. I wrapped up what I was doing, and left 15 minutes later.
I got a very agitated call from my husband who spoke to our realtor saying the buyers just left and we’re not interested in the home without even looking at it.
I guess they also complained that I was rude. Even though I was frustrated I made it a point to be polite when asking them to leave and took the blame even though they were at fault in my opinion. My husband is mad at me now because we ‘lost out on a potential buyer’ but I made it clear going forward if someone doesn’t respect the time frame I will ask them to come back when they scheduled.
AITJ? I understand where my husband is coming from but I feel like it’s completely disrespectful for a buyer and their agent to just walk into a home much earlier than their scheduled time when they have been made explicitly aware the home is occupied. And I can’t just drop what I’m doing every time because they are not being respectful.”
28. AITJ For Walking Out After My Partner Showed Me A Tarantula?
“When I was a kid, my father and grandfather used to torment me with spiders – catching them on a line of web and dangling them in front of my face, putting me in time out in the spider-infested shed, capturing them in a glass and leaving it on my bedside table, making me watch them catch flies and put them in the webs of the wolf spiders in the yard.
I have worked on it, I’m now pretty much fine with everyday normal spiders. I still get panicky if they do super awesome things like fall off the ceiling onto the counter in front of me, or crawl on the driver’s side window of my car, but I no longer get paralyzed by fear and don’t stay jumpy for the next few days.
I’ve been going out with my partner for a couple of months, and she knows about my arachnophobia. She has been very understanding, she lives in an old house, and when I’ve stayed over I’ve had a couple of near freakouts after walking into webs in the basement or seeing them on the walls.
Yesterday she invited me to a party, just a small get-together at her friend’s house. We walked in and the host greeted us while wearing a cowboy hat, I said something idiotic like Yeehaw. The host laughed and said, ‘Oh it’s his favorite place to ride, he loves meeting new people!’
She turned around and there was a tarantula on the back of her hat, two of its giant mobile spider legs were raised and I was out of there. I beat feet and sprinted out the door and down to the end of the driveway.
My partner came out after a bit and started yelling at me for being over dramatic, meanwhile, I’m hyperventilating and felt like I’m about to pass out. She said that the host loves spiders, she keeps them as pets and they won’t hurt me, I was like are you kidding me asking me to come here when you know full well how I’d react to someone with giant spiders as pets?!
She got even madder and just told me to get an Uber, said she couldn’t believe how I embarrassed her by acting like a child in front of her friends.
It’s only been about 24 hours but I can’t help but feel this has set me back, I could barely sleep last night due to nightmares and nearly launched through the roof when my cat brushed against my leg.
My partner has been saying her friends think I’m a big baby and that I need to grow up. AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sit At The Kid's Table Anymore?
“My parents had me when they were young. So I’m the oldest grandkid (19) in my family. My cousin that’s closest to my age is 10, the youngest is like 3 I think.
My family still sticks me with the kids, because ‘all the cousins can hang out’.
When we go out to eat/have holiday dinners I’m put at the kids’ table. When were sitting around talking and one of my cousins would ask me to play, my parents made me.
They said ‘They wanna spend time with their big cousin’ and ‘They won’t be little forever’.
Good, they won’t be little forever. I’m not a kid person, kids in general annoy me. They’re loud, boring, talk about nothing, and have dirty hands.
When I was younger (15ish) I started keeping to myself during family stuff.
I didn’t have much in common with adults, but I didn’t wanna be around little kids so I’d go on my phone or take a game to play. My parents would make me play with the kids. They’d take my phone or game and require me to spend a certain amount of time playing with my cousins to get it back.
I’ve told my parents I don’t like kids, but they just said: ‘I was being a teenager’.
I started disliking my cousins, it wasn’t their fault but I hated being forced to be their playmate, especially because when I was little I had to entertain myself.
So why couldn’t they? Especially because there are 3 kids now.
I stopped going to family stuff much. Unless it was a major holiday or something there was no point.
They’re planning a family camping trip for August. My parents are making me go. Yesterday my aunt was over here and she and my mom were talking about plans and sleeping arrangements came up.
My aunt said that ‘all the kids can sleep in one tent, and then adults can split up, however’. I said, ‘All the kids meaning what?’ She said, ‘Well all you guys can stay in a tent together, it’ll be like a slumber party.
Oh, they’ll just love it a whole weekend sleepover with their big cousin’.
I said, ‘Uh no, I’m 19. I’m not sleeping in the same tent as a bunch of hyperactive kids that think it’s a slumber party’. My mom said ‘Oh come on, it won’t be that bad’.
My aunt was like ‘and they haven’t seen you in a while, they miss you’.
I said, ‘No, I’m sick of being stuck with them all the time. They’re like ten years younger than me so we obviously have nothing in common. If I’m going to be stuck babysitting I better be getting paid for it’.
I went into my room because I didn’t feel like debating.
This morning my mom said that I hurt my aunt’s feelings and basically said I hate her kids and need to be paid to spend time with them. She said I should call my aunt and apologize.
It probably was wrong to snap like that but I’m sick of everyone just acting like I’m still 10 years old or I should be excited to basically babysit for free.
AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Leaving My Partner After Her Made Fun Of My Fear Of Heights?
“I just went to the Grand Canyon with my partner. I’m 150% afraid of heights.
Don’t go near windows/railings type of scared. Phobia in the full sense of the word. Because of this, I didn’t want to go in the first place, but it’s a famous destination so I figured it was worth facing my fears.
I had multiple convos with my partner about my fears. At least 5 separate, in-depth convos about how scared I was about having a panic attack around strangers (I have a long history of panic attacks). He assured me he’d help me maintain my distance from ledges & calm me down if I got overwhelmed/scared.
We just went. We planned to do a tour and then go out by ourselves in the following days. Well on day 1 of our tour, we stopped at a scenic lookout to take pictures & he decided it’d be funny to grab me & pretend to try & push me over the edge of the cliff.
I immediately freaked out & (unsurprisingly) had a panic attack, all in front of our group while the poor guide tried to calm me down.
I’m not proud of how I acted, but I’ll tell you it wasn’t pretty. I was sobbing & yelling that he was cruel for doing this.
That he knew I was terrified & he was evil for using that against me. He was yelling back that it was a joke, I was taking it too seriously, & to get over it because I was embarrassing myself/him (which to be fair, I was… it was quite embarrassing).
I think I was the jerk in this next part: I told him he was a horrible person & his ex was right to leave him. (Context: His ex left him because she thought he was immature, but she left right before a ‘high profile’ family event & embarrassed him among his family.) He yelled that was messed up to say & in hindsight, I think he’s right, especially since it was in public.
The tour guide separated us & took me back to their office & I have no idea what he did after that. He wasn’t in our hotel when I got my stuff & I got a flight to my parents’ state & I’ve been staying here while I figure out if this relationship is still alive.
We live together & work for the same company, so if this is over my life is going to get very messy.
The thing is we have a ton of mutual friends & I have half of them texting/calling me to say I’m overreacting & being a ‘psycho jerk.’ Besides my 3 closest friends, I haven’t told anyone anything, but because they all know him too everyone has heard some version of events & they’re making it seem like I’m leading a PR campaign against him.
I don’t have social media & haven’t said anything to anyone besides my best friends.
They’re particularly mad that I left him in Arizona. I don’t think what I did was worth all the hate I’m getting. I left him the rental car & hotel room & took an Uber to the airport, I paid for everything myself (including our hotel room), & I left a note in the room telling him I was going to my parents’.
I feel like people don’t understand, but there are so many people saying the same thing that I’m starting to question myself. So AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Being Good At Riding A Horse And Doing Farm Stuff?
“I (42 f) got into a relationship with a Micheal (45 m) about 6 months ago. During this time I explained to him how I grew up on a farm and the things I did.
When we first discussed this he seemed impressed by my abilities and willingness to get my hands dirty. Recently his friends suggested we all go on a couples date to a day in the life of a farmer. I was ecstatic to show off my skills because I knew none of them have ever stepped foot on one their entire lives.
He however asked me to take a seat so we could talk about this.
Basically said he wanted me to give him a crash course in farm life before going and for me to act like the other girls and just be impressed by everything they do the whole day.
I just said you’re kidding right? He explained how he wanted to look good in front of his friends and not be emasculated by his woman at man’s work. I reminded him how he grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth and this isn’t something you just learn in two weeks.
He begged so I agree to help him learn. I guess he felt his 2 weeks of training would surpass my entire upbringing because he said I didn’t have to play weak anymore.
The day of he was completely hopeless. Work started early and literally only me and one couple were actually up early.
The very first thing we were supposed to do was pick up chickens. He tried to do it how I showed at first but eventually he lost his cool yelling cursing at them. Only me and one other person actually did it right. Later we were supposed to try and chop wood.
He got to 2 and a half giving up after just barely splitting the third one. His friends and I chopped the required amount of 10 with their significant others telling him to just sit back and drink sweet tea with them. The final straw was horseback which really was the guide leading the horse in a circle while you ride it.
Pretty much everyone did it but he flaked out last second. I however told the guide I was fine on my own. I honestly just rode slightly faster than them without the guide. When I got off he was gone. His friend had to drive me home that night.
After 3 days and maybe 20 worried texts later he told me he no longer wanted to be with me and I was a competitive jerk who wouldn’t just let him have this and I embarrassed him in front of his friends. At first, I didn’t take it seriously till my friend group said what I did was wrong and he had more to prove and lose than me and I should’ve been more supportive and let go of my pride.”
24. AITJ For Accepting The Ring From My Grandma?
“So I (24 F) am super close with my grandma. I have a twin sister and an older brother.
(my sister doesn’t have much of a relationship with my grandma and my brother is in the military and isn’t home too often.) and one cousin who is 7 years old.
I’m wanting to get engaged with my partner and was talking to my grandma about this.
I told her we went ring shopping and fell in love with a 1-carat ring until we found out it was 8k. Immediately after I said that she told me she would love it if I took hers. She said it was 2 carats and she couldn’t believe how much rings cost nowadays.
I said YES & in the moment I was so excited and couldn’t wait to receive it! I clearly wasn’t thinking about anyone else, I just wanted my grandma’s ring.
When I told my mom the news, she immediately jumped to that not being fair amongst the other grandkids and I shouldn’t go around flaunting it.
It really hurt my feelings because it was something that really excited me and meant a lot to me. I ended up letting it go and didn’t think much of it. I just got off the phone with my mom today and she definitely didn’t let it go.
She told me that I needed to have a conversation with my grandma about what she would leave for the other grandkids to make it even, & depending on my grandma’s answer was I going to feel ok accepting the ring? (she pretty much put it out there that it would be really trashy of me to take the ring knowing my siblings and cousin won’t receive anything) I told her that it was Grandma who offered it to me and why should I decline if she wants me to have it (& not to mention I’m the only one who is going to get married anytime soon.) My mom is saying she just is looking out for her other kids and if it was me on the other hand she would do the same.
Well, I told my grandma this and her response was ‘I can give the ring to whoever I want to give it to and I want you to have it.’ She said she doesn’t talk to my siblings much and I’m close with her and see her all time time.
To be honest, I thought she made a valid point. Of course, I want my siblings to have something of equal value. That just didn’t cross my mind until there was a big fuss about this.
AITJ if I accept the ring if my grandma doesn’t leave money or other items of the same value to my siblings and cousin?”
23. AITJ For Wanting To Adopt A Dog That My Daughter Would Hate?
“I (52 F) lost my first husband in an accident when our daughter Ava (24F) was just a few months old. It was a devastating and difficult time in both of our lives and it took a while to get things back together. When my older daughter was 8 I met my current husband Mark (50 M).
We dated for a few years before getting married when Ava was 10. Mark moved in after we were married with his senior dog who unfortunately ended up dying four months after moving. We then had Ellie (13 F) when Ava was 11. Mark and Ava have always been close, same with Ava and Ellie, but Ava didn’t like Mark’s dog when she was living with us – she thinks dogs are gross and doesn’t like to be around them.
So, we agreed that as long as Ava lived in the house, we wouldn’t get another dog.
Mark and Ellie both love dogs and volunteer at a local shelter. Ellie has always really wanted a dog, but we had promised Ava there wouldn’t be a dog in the house while she lived there.
We kept this agreement in place while Ava was in college since obviously she would need to come home for breaks and visits and she lived with us for about a year and a half after graduating while saving up funds to move.
Ava recently moved out officially because she got an amazing promotion and will need to live closer to her company in the city.
It’s been about 5 months since Ava moved out, and the other day Mark and Ellie came home and said there’s a dog at the shelter they volunteer at that they just fell in love with. I met him and I love him a lot too, and we decided to put in an application for adoption.
We talked to Ava and assured her we would train him excellently, and that he wouldn’t be allowed near the guest suite so that she doesn’t have to be uncomfortable when she visits. We also said if she doesn’t want to deal with it still we would pay for a hotel room for visits.
She was super annoyed and said even if she were to visit during the day, she’d have to be around a ‘gross dog’ and she’d be disgusted the entire time she was in our house. She said it makes her not want to visit and that we’re making a decision that’s alienating her from the family.
I feel like there’s no way to win here. I don’t want to make Ava uncomfortable but I also don’t think it’s fully fair that she can dictate what we do now that she’s fully moved out. If I get the dog, Ava feels like I’m choosing Ellie over her, and if I don’t, Ellie feels like I’m choosing Ava over her.
We have always been a close and happy family and now this one issue is creating so much conflict. I don’t know what to do and I feel like I’ve messed up here somehow. So, am I a jerk for wanting to adopt a dog that I know Ava will hate?”
22. AITJ For Being Disgusted When My Sister-In-Law Touched My Tacos?
“My SIL, ‘Rowena’ (f 36), owns a sweet small dog. Right now, that dog is very sick with hemorrhagic gastroenteritis. So, yesterday, my (f 43) husband (m 43) bought me, himself, and his sister breakfast tacos. All of us ordered different fillings. We are sharing an apartment with SIL and each pays a third of the bills.
While I was in the kitchen making drinks for all of us, my husband arrived with the tacos and the dog had a severe bout of diarrhea on the living room floor. My SIL grabbed wet wipes and wiped up diarrhea and her dog’s butt.
Without washing her hands, she began taking the tacos out of the bag and unrolling the tortillas to ‘check’ the fillings. My husband was in the room as well and saw all of this. She touched all of them. I was disgusted. I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I told my husband I suddenly wasn’t feeling well (not untrue, the thought of eating those tacos made me nauseous) and would like to lie down.
Here’s where the problem started: my husband followed me to the bedroom, asking what was wrong because I had been SO excited to try the tacos. You can easily hear what’s being said in the bedrooms from the living area, so I maintained that I just suddenly felt nauseous.
He kept insisting that he would save my tacos for me to eat later, and I kept refusing.
My SIL heard the conversation and walked down the hall to tell me I was wasting good food, and that she had wrapped my tacos back up for me to eat for dinner.
I felt trapped, so I caved and admitted that I was sickened by her touching my food after wiping up diarrhea and her dog’s butt and then putting her fingers on my food. I said that I wouldn’t even touch food, especially food someone else was going to eat, after scooping my cat’s litter without washing my hands.
SIL says I insulted her dog by implying she was dirtier than my cat and insulted her by saying she was too stupid to notice if she got poop on her hands while cleaning it up. My husband says I should have just said something in the living room and not ‘pretended’ to be sick, and I made it more dramatic than it needed to be.
I think it’s just basic hygiene not to put your fingers in other people’s food at all, much less right after cleaning up diarrhea, AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Not Asking Our Neighbor To Pay Us Back For Taking Her Kid To The Hospital?
“It was about 1 in the afternoon when I (33 F) hear a knock at the door.
I open it to see the 2 boys who live above us in a panic. 8 M was washing the dishes when they dropped a glass in the sink breaking it & accidentally cutting a large gash into their palm. Not something a simple band-aid could fix.
They ask me for help as both their mom (31 F – father not in picture) & their emergency contact was respectively at least 40-60 min away. They called 911 & had already been waiting 15 minutes upstairs for help but there was little sign of quick assistance (our emergency/medical system is pretty broken at the moment.
You’re lucky to get an ambulance within 35 minutes even if you’re experiencing a heart attack or have stopped breaking – it’s bad, so I’m sadly not surprised).
Anyways, I quickly get myself together, wrap 8 M’s hand a little better with a towel, call a taxi & off we go to the emergency room/urgent care!
16 M spoke to their mom on the way & kept mom up to date. Mom asked me if I wouldn’t mind staying with them until she was able to get there, estimated another 30 min (ended up being 60 due to traffic) Sure, no big deal, we’re on our way and everything will be ok, she can take her time.
Her boys are being looked after.
The ride was only about $15 (about a 10-minute ride), and I spent another $20 on food & a treat for them both. I’m sure after all the panic they were not feeling all that great (felt better after checking at the emergency room/urgent care) & getting a little food & sugar back into their system couldn’t hurt.
Mom finally arrives & is extremely thankful. I say no worries at all, happy to help. Wish them all luck & head on home (later found out 8 M had to get a few stitches but handled it like a champ).
Hubby (35 M) gets home. The hellos & daily debriefing happen.
I tell him about the boys & everything. He’s glad everyone was ok but goes on to ask when I’m going to ask Jenna when she’ll be paying us back.
I was a little surprised & told him I hadn’t planned on it. She doesn’t know it cost us anything & it’s not a lot of money.
It’s $35, it’s not going to break our bank. It was an emergency – no big deal.
He counters with how we’re trying to save for a house, car payments, and all this other stuff & starts getting very hot under the collar. I tell him I’m not going to ask her but if she offers cash as a thank you I won’t decline.
I’m not going to chase her down, however. He called me a ‘fool’ & ‘wasteful’, & that ‘her children aren’t our financial responsibility’. I just rolled my eyes & walked out of the room.
I spoke to my mom who agreed they’re not our financial responsibility but also said that what I did was a kind thing & what lots of people would have done.
So, sort of split the middle I guess?
Hubby is still mad and now I’m wondering what I’m missing – am I the jerk?”
20. AITJ For Not Wanting People To Stay With Us Overnight After I Give Birth?
“My husband & I are expecting our 1st child. We grew up in the same area & bought our house here in 2019.
2 years ago, both of his parents retired & decided to move down south – 8 hrs away & his grandparents moved with them. My parents/extended family are still local to us.
His family wants to stay in our home when the baby is born to meet the baby for a few days within the first 2 weeks after birth.
I am 500% uncomfortable with this. I’m very shy & introverted. I’m not going to feel well enough to host people #1, and #2 I’m not ok with our family bonding time being disrupted by having guests around 24/7 who are going to be all over baby & #3 those first weeks are so important for building a routine & there’s no way to do that with overnight guests here.
He says we don’t need to ‘play host’ – they will cook/entertain themselves. I don’t want people cooking in my kitchen 2 weeks after giving birth, I want to be able to use our kitchen for US freely, without other people in the way or feeling judged or like I have to put on some kind of show.
As far as ‘they’ll entertain themselves’ – yeah they’re going to want to be entertained with OUR BABY the whole time, which again during those first few weeks I’m not comfortable with giving up our time with baby for other people 24/7.
I’m fine with family visiting, during times that we share we’re comfortable & for a limited amount of time within that first month or so.
I’m happy to have people over for a few hours, ESPECIALLY parents & grandparents. My parents will come to meet the baby, but they will come when they’re invited & go home after. I’m fine with his family coming to the area & staying in a hotel – but not ok with them coming over ALL day EVERY day while they’re here.
They can visit just like other family members, & like my parents will do. Not to mention that my mom already said when she comes, she’ll say hi to the baby & then cook/clean/do laundry – she’s coming to help & to support us in bonding with our child by taking loads off of our shoulders, not just to hog the baby.
My husband says I’m a jerk because it’s unfair that his fam should pay for a hotel & not even be able to spend the whole visit with the baby. He says it’s not fair that my family will get to meet the baby sooner.
His fam CHOSE to move 6 hours away. I have no issue with them coming to meet the baby, but I’m not comfortable hosting people in our home, being present for my healing time after labor, disrupting our bonding time & disrupting our routine within those first 2 weeks.
I want his family to come visit & meet the baby, but they can do it like everybody else does – they don’t get special treatment and they don’t get the right to make me uncomfortable after giving birth just because they decided to leave their son.
AITJ for not wanting overnight 24/7 visitors in our home the first 2 weeks after birth? I get how it might sound selfish, but this is our first child & I’m GIVING BIRTH so I’m conflicted.”
19. AITJ For Not Rescheduling My Daughter's Birthday Party?
“I (F 40) and my ex-husband have 50/50 custody of our daughters, Lisa (F 17) and Jenny (F 15).
One of the main reasons I broke up with my husband is that he was abusive (psychologically), manipulative, and possessive. He used the fact that he was the only one who worked while I was a stay-at-home mom to say that if I asked for a divorce, he would fight alongside the best lawyer in town to get full custody of our daughters.
And he was great at hiding that side of him from them.
I managed to escape this nonsense because I received my father’s inheritance and hired a great lawyer who guaranteed me 50/50. With the money I bought a house and live on a great salary (I can’t work for physical reasons) (but actually my ex earns a lot more than me).
Jenny was the one who encouraged me to go through with the divorce, but Lisa bought into her father’s idea that I was destroying our family to be free of the father. Our relationship is very difficult right now.
Saturday was Lisa’s birthday, the deal was that her father would have the day and I would have the night.
Mid-afternoon, Jenny came to the house (my ex MIL dropped her off here) and said that Lisa would be home later.
I ordered a cake, and appetizers and invited my family and her friends to the party. She knew about the party.
Arrived at night, around 6 pm, Lisa called me saying that her father invited her to go to a fancy restaurant in town and asked to reschedule the party with everyone for the following week.
Keep in mind that 1. The party was at 6:30 pm 2. Everything was already bought 3. It was Lisa who came up with the idea for the party.
I was really upset because I would love to be able to take her to this restaurant, but it’s too expensive and I can’t afford it.
I decided to keep the party going so there wouldn’t be any food thrown away and it was a lot of fun. We took pictures, cut cake and even her friends laughed and continued to party.
Lisa arrived around 11 pm and looked shocked that there was a party going on.
She called me privately asking if I’d had a birthday party without her. I said yes and she started to say that she asked to reschedule and that I had embarrassed her by making her arrive at her own party at the end of it and that I was being vindictive and she only went to dinner with her father at the best restaurant in town (she couldn’t deny such an opportunity).
She is in silent treatment with me and my ex being a piece of work that he is, decided he was going to give me a scolding for embarrassing our daughter.
AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Pregnant Cousin To Stay In My Room?
“My parents live in the UK while I live overseas. My cousin (21 F) also lives in the UK and is pregnant with her first child.
Her parents live overseas however it is normal in our culture to go to stay with your parents for the first month or so after you give birth so they can help with the baby and help you get back on your feet.
My dad is her closest relative in the UK so she asked my parents if she can stay with them after she gives birth and they agreed.
Now the house is jointly owned by Mum, Dad, and I. There are 2 guest rooms as well as my room which isn’t occupied when I’m not there obviously. The larger of the guest rooms is only slightly smaller than my room but it has an en suite.
I go back home every 2-3 months and put a lot of funds into renovating my room, and there are also lots of baby supplies there for my own 7-month-old too. (Think cot, a sleep nest, bathtub, car seat, etc.)
So my cousin is due any time in the next fortnight and this week she text me to tell me she wants to use my room.
I told her no. That’s my space, it needs to be open for me to travel home. She said it was the nicest of the available rooms and she needs to be comfortable while recovering from childbirth.
(She also said she wants to use my son’s cot, car seat, and ‘anything else there is to make my life easier after delivery.’ So basically she wants to use my baby supplies instead of making sure she has her own.)
I said no, she can’t just help herself to my space and belongings. She started having a meltdown at me over text so I got my parents involved.
She got her mum involved and now my aunt is arguing with my dad saying he’s allowing me to bully her pregnant daughter when she has nobody else to defend her and how my dad should discipline me and be there for his niece
I don’t think I’m in the wrong but they’re making such a huge deal I’m wondering if maybe I am the jerk.”
17. AITJ For Not Feeding My Kids Dinner?
“I (26 F) have two daughters (3 F). My husband (26 M) is the breadwinner of the family. He convinced me to be a stay-at-home mom, as he already had a top job lined up by his father, which I agreed to.
We met in college and got married about a year after we graduated. I’m also currently pregnant in my first trimester.
Lately, I’ve been very stressed as my toddlers are going through a fussy stage, and I’ve barely gone anywhere and barely gotten dressed some days.
My husband recently had the option to take a day off, (which I’ve been begging him to do since the only times he’s home are the weekends, he works 10-7.) but he said he needed to grow the business and that I’ll be fine, and to stop being dramatic.
He doesn’t get up until 9, won’t help in the morning, and gets home at like 7:30, goes straight to eating, then showers, and then works on the computer. He doesn’t help at night or day, and on the weekends he just hangs around.
My daughters have been asking ‘Where’s Papa’ as he’s been working SO much lately, and it’s just been upsetting to hear, to say the least.
Of course, I was upset, since the day before one toddler refused to sleep, which kept both me and my other daughter awake the whole night.
When he came home that day he asked where dinner was, and I said that he agreed to cook it (I had texted him earlier) and I was way too tired.
He scoffed, but I just went upstairs to finally sleep. Around 3(?) hours later my husband came upstairs, so I assumed he fed the kids.
At around 3 am I was woken up by my daughter crying, saying she was really hungry because Papa didn’t give her food.
At this point I was livid, but I quickly fixed up some food for the twins and stayed with them while they ate, and then put them back to bed.
Of course, I woke my husband up and started to shout at him about how little he was helping, but he shouted back that he didn’t need to do that, it was my job.
I was super mad but exhausted, so I went to sleep in the guest room.
When I woke up he was about to leave for work, which he wasn’t supposed to be at as it was Saturday, and he said that I was a terrible mother and was basically starving my kids for not giving them dinner.
He worked very late and was gone again this morning and now I’m scared I might be the jerk.
So, AITJ?”
16. AIJT For Asking My Wife To Leave The Baby In The Crib?
“I (M 28) live with my wife Macey (F 28).
We have an infant son named Leo. Leo is our first and only child and is 5 months old. Macey works part-time and I work full-time.
Macey works on Tuesdays but I don’t. Macey normally leaves the house at around 8:00 AM to get to work on time, but I like to take the opportunity to sleep in when I can get it.
Whenever Macey gets ready for work, Leo will usually start crying in his crib even after he’s had his first feed of the day. This doesn’t wake me up unless he’s been crying for a little while because I’m a heavy sleeper.
For the past two Tuesdays, Macey has decided to take Leo out of his crib and put him in our bed with me right before she leaves for work, even though I’m sound asleep.
She doesn’t do anything to wake me up because she’s leaving for work, and Leo stops crying when she puts him in our bed.
Luckily nothing bad has happened yet but I know the risks of putting a baby in a normal bed with an adult sleeping in it.
Leo crawls and I’m worried that he could fall out of the bed and hurt himself.
I talked to Macey about this and told her to just leave Leo in his crib when she’s getting ready for work.
Macey got annoyed and said that she can’t ‘just leave him to cry’, and said I’m a bad father for not noticing and waking up when Leo is in the bed, saying that if it was ‘her’, she’d notice and wake up.
I got angry and told Macey that she was being unreasonable and asked her what she thought would happen if Leo fell out of bed. I asked her if she wanted Leo to get injured.
Macey got REALLY MAD and has gone to stay with her sister for a couple of days and took Leo with her, and hasn’t been answering my texts or calls.
She still hasn’t come home.
I’ve never seen Macey this angry with me before so I’m wondering if I was the jerk for how I approached this.
ETA: I get off work at 4 – 5 am on weekdays so I’m getting around 3 hours sleep when Macey goes to work.
Macey only works one day a week, we don’t need her income and I make more money but she likes her job and I respect her choice to work. I work 70 hours a week and do my fair share of housework and cooking when I’m home so I sleep like the deceased when I’m in bed.”
15. AITJ For Not Giving My Partner A Percentage Of My Raise?
“I (f 32) have been with my partner (m 35) for 7 years. He has what he calls ‘supernatural ability’ and that is to ‘dream’ about things and/or events before they take place. In other words, he claims to ‘predict’ the future. LOL.
He once talked about seeing me getting a new car in his dream and in 2 months’ time I bought a new car that I was saving for.
Another example, he told me about seeing a new friend coming into my life in his dream. Turns out he was talking about the dog I adopted in July. Basically, events that weren’t so surprising.
Now, I’ve got a raise at work. around 40% after working my butt off for 6+ years with this company.
I was happy because now I get to renovate parts of the house like I always wanted (Don’t earn much anyway) and when I told my partner. He told me to ‘set aside’ a percentage of the money for him. I was so confused I asked why and he said it was because he already dreamed about me getting a raise and predicted this event before it happened. I said I don’t know since I don’t recall he ever told me.
He got upset and said that the reason he didn’t tell was because of how I kept making fun of his ‘abilities’ and that I could go ask his friends and they’ll confirm that he did in fact see this coming. I said I was sorry but this seemed illogical and unreasonable of him.
I refused to give him any amount and he flipped out and called me ungrateful and claimed that I was ‘turning my back’ on the people who helped me in a way to get this raise. not gonna lie I kinda laughed at the absurdity of this but he got even more offended and said that I can’t blame him for not telling me after I kept mocking him like that.
I refused and said that no way on earth I was going to give him any percentage and would rather save the extra funds for renovation work around the house. We had an argument and he left to be with his friends who later got involved and said that the way I treat my partner and his ‘incredible prediction ability’ was appalling and out of line.
They said that he wasn’t asking for much and I should consider it.”
14. AITJ For Asking My Parents To Return My Key?
“I (29 F) moved last year during the summer and held off on doing any work until recently.
I want to start painting my house to give it more personality now that I have time, and my mom and dad offered to help with no prompting from me.
In fact, due to my history with them, I was reluctant. And you’ll see why.
My parents have always been controlling and heavily lean red. My dad much prefers my older brother (33 M) and his wife over me and I have been constantly subjected to verbal and emotional mistreatment from him throughout my childhood.
My mom has her own mental struggles and has pretty much given up on confronting my father about his behavior. And she buckles to his every request. I sincerely believe he doesn’t truly see my house as my property but rather his since I’m not married.
I gave my mom a key to my house so she could be there to accept a furniture delivery of a couch.
I had another delivery coming a few days later of an end table and coffee table so I let her keep it, thinking I could ask for it back.
During the three days, she had the key, my father took it upon himself to go to home depot and make a copy of the key for him and my brother.
When I asked for the key back from my mom and learned this, he could tell I was uncomfortable and started saying in ‘that’ scary and male angry voice (victims know what I mean) that I was ungrateful and they just wouldn’t come over and help me anymore if I didn’t drop the issue.
I told my sister-in-law but she simply say I was being unreasonable and that both my and my parents have a key to her house, and she has a key to my parents’ house. ‘Should we just change our locks and not let any of you in?'”
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Career Advice From My Partner?
“My partner (29 M) and I (26 F) have been together for 7 years. We both worked at a grocery store together for the first two years and made very little money but we were happy. But even making the same amount of money, he still had trouble saving enough for bills and I often helped him pay his part.
My partner has said my attitude and behavior changed once I got a tech job and started making more money than him. I have been hard on him in the past when he couldn’t pay for his half of the bills because he would’ve had enough funds if he actually saved it.
I feel like he’s always leaned on me to take care of things when he doesn’t have enough money. I’ve been patiently hoping he would ‘figure things out’ like he says he’s been trying to since we first got together. He still works at a grocery store and his mom still helps him out a lot financially.
We bought a house about a year ago and I paid about 90% of the down payment. I pay more of the utilities and mortgage on the months he hasn’t had enough. I pay for anything we want that he can’t afford. I make all of these choices because I love him.
He says he would do the same for me.
Currently, I work for a startup that has downsized and the business is in a rough spot. My employer is currently not able to give me the raise I deserve and keep me full-time. I have agreed to continue working part-time for him but at a higher rate.
This means that I’m able to make the same amount in 3-4 days of work per week instead of 5. I have had health issues from working 40+ hours a week at a desk and it’s stressful so this change gives me more time to improve my mental and physical health and enjoy my hobbies.
My partner thinks I’m crazy for wanting to work part-time when I could be making so much more at a new company full-time. He asked me if I would be mad if he decided not to take a better job offer because his job gives him more free time.
I said that’s different because I already make enough for us to live comfortably and the only difference my raise makes is we would be more comfortable, but he does not make enough to live comfortably even by himself.
He suggested I was being lazy.
He knows I’m stressed and in pain from working 40 hours but he still tried persuading me to do so. I ended up losing my temper. I said he was in no position to tell me what to do with my career, he wouldn’t have been able to pay his bills without me.
I paid for most of our house and he shouldn’t be pushing me to make even more money when he can’t make even half of my salary. I admit I said some hurtful stuff, but I have reached a breaking point with carrying the heavier part of the load.
My partner has been overly critical of me at times and complains a lot. If he was more kind to me on a daily basis, I probably wouldn’t have snapped at him. AITJ for giving him a reality check?”
12. AITJ For Leaving My Sister To Meet With Friends?
“My sister (15 f) and I (17 f) were not close. She’s awful to almost everybody. Kids in school, teachers, me. She’s the person who does something and then blames it on somebody else and lets them get punished. She had one friend for a few years.
Then in October she manipulated a math test and blamed the friend instead. That friendship ended. She did the same thing to me repeatedly. It started when we were little kids with small stuff. Then turned into her taking money and blaming me, breaking our grandmother’s most sentimental vase (owned by her own grandmothers) and blaming me, breaking our dad’s work computer because he didn’t let her eat the dinner she wanted and of course blaming it on me.
She’s smart enough to steal extra coins and leave them in my room and spend what she ‘needs’ and she’s always able to conveniently see me near the scene of a crime or she does it if I’ve had a fight with mom or dad already.
There was also one time she called the cops on me. Can’t prove it was her exactly. But deep down I know it was her. Accused me of breaking into a neighbor’s house when I didn’t. We’d had a fight that morning which is why I have no problem saying it was her.
I don’t have any loyalty toward my sister because of this stuff. She doesn’t care about me and I personally think I would be better off if she had never been born.
She’s been having health stuff for the last six months and two weeks ago she had her appendix removed which had some complications.
She’s still not back up on her feet.
Our parents had a wedding to go to so they asked me to stay with her Friday and take care of her. I left after an hour to meet with friends. Didn’t really feel much like helping her.
My parents are extremely mad at me because of it. They wanted to ground me but I threw it in their faces about all the stuff she has done to me. They still think I was wrong to leave her the way I did.
AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Coming To My Niece's Dance Competition Performance?
“My brother and his ex-wife finalized their divorce last year, and it was messy. During that time, for a variety of reasons, I had to get involved and it did not go well. I was given a protective order because my ex-SIL is crazy. She cannot be in the same general area as me.
So, this last weekend was the final performance for a state dance competition that my niece is a finalist in. Both sides of her family planned to show up (and sit at completely opposite ends of the performance hall.) However, with my restraining order in place, her mother would be forced to leave if I showed up.
I didn’t plan to go just to not stir up any trouble but my niece insisted she wanted me there knowing her mother could not show up.
The truth of this whole situation is I know my brother and niece wanted me there so her mother could not legally show up.
My brother got full custody of their daughter, and his ex only gets to see her twice a month. In the end, I got pressured into going and none of my niece’s other side of her family showed up.
The event went great, but since then I’ve felt kind of awful.
My niece and my brother just used me to make sure her mom could not show up. My parents got a call from my brother’s ex the night of the recital where she was crying and begging for them to step in and stop my brother from using me.
My family is biased, as am I against my brother’s ex. She is a human piece of work, sure, but I feel like this was one step too far in regard to the whole situation. She is still the mother of my niece and I feel it is completely trashy of me to deprive her of at least showing up to support her daughter.
My brother and niece are more than happy about this, but I feel like we’ve taken this to a level where two wrongs don’t make a right.”
10. AITJ For Treating My Daughter Out For Helping Me?
“My husband owns a company with around 75 employees. Every year we host a Christmas party and a 4th of July party at our house for his employees and their families. My husband and I do all of the cooking for these parties.
My husband and I have 6 kids, Jaclyn (19), Ethan (16), Juliet (15), Andrew (11), Emma(10), and Lily (7).
The kids help out with these parties but it’s mostly small things like I’ll ask the older three to run to the store and pick up some ingredients from the store down the street or Andrew and Emma will help set up the condiment table on the 4th of July.
This year my husband’s company has grown from 20 employees to 75, so this is by far the biggest party I’ve ever thrown. On Friday, I asked if anyone would want to help me cook/bake for the party and Lily got excited and volunteered before I could finish the question, which is not surprising considering she loves to cook and bake so much that she gets up an hour early in the mornings so she could help me make breakfast and used to help me pack lunches.
Lily and I spent all of yesterday and this morning making all of the desserts and sides for the party. At around lunchtime yesterday I realized I had to go to Walmart so I made it a little outing for me and Lily. We went to Starbucks, we got burgers for lunch, and at Walmart, I let Lily get whatever she wanted. She chose a bike and 2 Lego sets (around $200 total).
When we got home, Lily was showing everyone her new bike and legos and told them about our Starbucks and burgers. Some of my other kids asked why I didn’t take them or get them anything and I said they didn’t help. They said they didn’t know I’d buy them stuff if they did and stormed off so now I’m wondering if I was the jerk for not advertising that there would be payment/rewards for helping (even though I didn’t plan on doing anything big like the bike and toys).”
9. AITJ For Making Wedding Visitors Who Would Suddenly Cancel Pay $70?
“I (26 F) just got married to my husband (30 M). I have a rocky relationship with most of my family on my mother’s side.
I haven’t seen my mother in roughly 7 or 8 years, we haven’t spoken, the typical strained mother-daughter relationship.
Regardless, I chose to invite some of my family from my mother’s side to attend my wedding. It was small and very intimate, so I wanted the important family to be there.
While I, by no means, have great relationships with the people on that side of the family, they did a lot for me when I was younger and I wanted them to be a part of this special day.
My mother was not invited, for a number of reasons.
She’s known to steal the spotlight and cause problems, plus she has openly shot down and berated my husband to family members despite never meeting him on the basis that he is an artist, and that’s how he makes a living (he makes far more a year than she ever has, too.
A little ironic). So inviting her was just not a smart choice.
Anyways, after sending invitations, word of course gets out on that side of the family that I’m getting married. I get a call from my cousin, about three weeks before the wedding. She wanted to warn me that my mother had decided, for whatever twisted reason in her mind, to get married to her fiance of now a couple of years on the EXACT SAME date.
Keep in mind that my wedding was planned eight months in advance.
A week before my wedding I get a call from one of my aunts on that side explaining that she will be unable to attend, due to a ‘family matter that has arisen’.
Code word for my mother’s wedding, of course.
As soon as I got that first call, I sent out a mass email to everyone explaining that anyone else who cancels last minute who has already RSVP’d will be charged $70 due to the catering and venue fees that would be wasted on them not being present.
I would be able to enforce this given that all parties had to pay an additional $25 for each room that we booked for them at the hotel, so I had all their information, and they were made aware of this charge (we paid for the rest of their room fees, by the way).
Logically, I wasn’t actually planning on enforcing this. It was more of an ‘I know what you all are doing and I’m really mad about it’ move.
So I spent about two days after that email dealing with non-stop phone calls from family on that side saying they ‘had to’ cancel, and it was absolutely ridiculous that ‘I’ was forcing them to pick a side.
I told them they had RSVP’d to my wedding months before my mother’s, and coming to mine was also just blatant common courtesy.
Long story short, that entire side did not show up (aside from my cousin who warned me of the whole thing). I’m still debating actually charging their cards $70, but I think it’s too petty, and being honest, writing and even thinking about this on my honeymoon isn’t fun.
I spent the second night in France crying on my husband’s shoulder over this. So, AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Discouraging My Cousin?
“I (26 m) am my parents’ only child together. My mom and dad had me and divorced when I was a baby. Soon after my dad met his wife Laura and her son and daughter who were 4 and 5 at the time.
Laura was also divorced. She and my dad both shared custody of their kids so it was normally a week where none of us were there and a week where we all were. Laura’s ex did not like that she had remarried and alienated her kids against my dad, me, and later the half-siblings we shared. I remember him being a giant jerk to me in person.
I remember him trying to intimidate my dad. I remember him making my half-sister cry when she was still a baby. Laura’s kids were not fun to live with and eventually, my mom had the weeks moved so I wasn’t there while they were, which was something my dad and Laura didn’t like.
I would still see them for the occasional thing and it was awful.
They chose to live with their dad around the ages of 11 and 12 and with that decision, they were all still pretty trashy people, especially to me and our half siblings. One of them even accused my dad of mistreatment as a way of making us pay (specifically my dad, me, and our half-siblings) because we would all be taken away from him.
Dad was cleared but I remember their dad showing up and cursing at us all while we were inside my dad and Laura’s house saying he had warned them he would get the kids to hate us all.
Both of them are now in their 30s and contact has been extremely minimal. I know Laura reached out several times and so did my dad.
Both of them have kids now and Laura has been told she can see her grandkids if she never tells them my dad and the rest of us exist. They told Laura she should have had three terminated pregnancies (one for each of our half-siblings) and that their kids will NEVER consider any of us family.
My cousin is my dad’s niece. She was a single mom who married a single dad and is dealing with the alienation of her stepkids. My dad and Laura were telling her how it’s all worth it and the kids will come around and see the truth soon.
I intervened and said it’s not always true. That some grow up and feel their parent did the right thing, and that they carry the hatred for their stepfamily/stepparent around. That it happened with Laura’s kids and a friend of mine still believes his stepmom is someone who doesn’t deserve to be in his life because his mom alienated him from her.
I said it might happen, but there are no guarantees.
My dad and Laura were not happy that I said what I did. They said I had no right to discourage my cousin and should not have thrown in Laura’s kids like that.
AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Not Telling Sister About Our Mom's Funeral?
“I am the oldest (male) and there are three younger sisters. My parents made it to their 80s and my mom just passed. Possibly because of bad therapy or lying to her therapist, my youngest sister (53) has become convinced that my parents were abusive. They were poor parents but they were not abusive, just unloving.
She had no problem being the ‘favorite’ and indeed I felt like my parents liked her husband more than me, their own son. Her daughter, my niece, was the firstborn grandchild and was doted on by my parents. I was always amazing to both my nephew and niece.
Sometime during the global crisis, this sister realized that she was expected to take care of mom (very sickly) if dad shuffled off first. It made sense – she lives the closest by far and her family was very much the preferred one. But when this sunk in this sister started to complain at every juncture, ‘I am not taking mom no way no how’.
She said this to the rest of us, not to Mom and Dad directly.
This sister started to weaponize information, trying to convince my parents that I and the eldest sister were doing things we weren’t that affected them. They got really mad at us.
Then it all blew up about a year ago. The youngest called my parents out of the blue, called them awful names, and hung up the phone. She then forced her two children and her husband to ghost all of us, blocking us on social media and going silent.
I was not the biggest fan of my mother but the poor woman spent the last year in a wheelchair unable to wash herself, crying three times a day because her daughter and grandchildren were ‘gone’. It was so sad to watch, so unnecessary and so wrong.
My mom just passed and the funeral is Monday. My father and the other two sisters do not want the youngest there and do not intend to tell her. I do not want her there. She screamed that she wanted nothing to do with this family.
She doesn’t even know Mom is gone. But this is my littlest sister. I fear mental illness or at least bad therapy.
AITJ if I follow everyone’s wishes and do not tell her about her own mother’s funeral, even though that is what she wanted – and deserves?”
6. AITJ For Making Another Cup Of Coffee?
“I (65 m) currently live at home with my pregnant daughter (26 f). She and her partner do have a place together but I live 5 minutes away from the hospital, compared to 30 mins to an hour commute from their place.
Now my house still uses an electricity meter where I have to top it up every week or so depending on how much I put in. Last night I told my daughter I’d have to go out to get some more in the morning and to please not use anything she didn’t need to, which is fine she did.
Well at 2 pm today we still had power but I do admit it could have gone at any second. I mentioned to my daughter who was quite fidgety that I would have another cup of coffee and then go top up the meter. Well while I was getting ready to go out, I spilled the remainder of my coffee and decided to make a new one to which my daughter stormed upstairs.
When I asked her what was wrong, she said she was going to run a bath to which I told her to wait. She snapped back at me that she had been waiting, that she hadn’t used her phone in case the power went off and she needed to phone the hospital. She went upstairs to the bathroom and I told her she can’t run a bath.
She came back down 10 minutes later she had obviously been crying, I told her off saying she doesn’t dictate when I top up the meter, and that I will do it when I wanted to. To be fair my daughter did need to wash her hair, she says it gets greasy quickly since she’s become pregnant.
I did put money in the meter and before anyone else asks my daughter didn’t put any in because she has no funds left since it’s been 6 weeks from her last payday as her company paid her early due to Christmas and she is currently waiting until she gets paid.
Otherwise, she would have gone to put money in the meter herself.
My daughter did have a bath, and she did some washing which is something else we couldn’t do because we didn’t have enough power.”
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Wife Supervise My Daughter's Birthday Party?
“Where I live, the legal drinking age is 19.
I have three kids, Ben (15 M), Zack (17 M), and Mia (19 F).
Mia is turning 20 at the end of June. Back in April, she asked me and my wife (her mom) if she would be allowed to throw a house party for her birthday.
We asked how many people she wanted to invite, Mia said she wasn’t sure about the exact number but that it would be a big party, maybe around 50 people.
She also asked if we would be willing to spend the night at a family member’s house so she could have the house to herself for the night.
My wife and I said that we could talk about it closer to her birthday, but that it should be fine.
Last week, Mia came to us and showed us the planning she had done (theme, budget, the invitations she designed, etc). She also said she called her aunt (my sister) to ask if our family could spend the night at her new house and my sister happily agreed to it.
My wife said that wouldn’t be necessary because she and I would be staying at home for the party. Mia reminded her that we said it’d be fine for her to have the house. My wife said that we had changed our minds and didn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone with her friends.
I have no issue with being out of the house. Mia is responsible, never got in trouble during high school, and has a good group of friends. Her significant other throws parties frequently throughout the year and she’s always made sure to arrange a sober driver to get her there and back.
Her SO’s parents never had any issues and the people who would be at Mia’s party are a similar group. Obviously, I’ll worry because I’m her dad, that’s natural. But I trust her to throw a safe party on her own, and I trust that if something happens, she’ll call.
I told my wife all of what I just mentioned, and I also pointed out that my sister only lives a 25-minute drive away, so we wouldn’t be far if something happened. Also we’re good friends with multiple neighbors who we could ask to keep an eye on the house, just in case.
That night, my wife and I got into a big argument about it. She is insisting on being at home to supervise the party because she doesn’t trust t*************g people when they’re wasted.
The whole household is a disaster. My wife is angry with me, and Mia won’t talk to her mom unless they’re actively arguing.
Usually, we try to tackle things as a duo, but I refuse to take my wife’s side on this. I think Mia will resent my wife/us if we stay for the party, and even if she doesn’t, I want her to be able to have a fun birthday without being stressed or upset that her parents are lurking around.
Her birthdays are usually spent with just family and a couple of friends, so this would be her first big celebration.
AITJ?
EDIT: I want to say that while we never explicitly agreed to Mia getting the house to herself when she first asked, we also never said no, either.
I think it’s also a bit unfair to let her do weeks of planning just to change up on her when my wife could have said something earlier.”
4. AITJ For Holding Grudge Against The Homeless Guy Who Followed Me Home?
“I live in a really safe area, with minimal crime. The worst thing (other than this) that’s happened in my area was car theft.
So basically – this regular homeless guy that was in my area a lot, would always stare at me when I walked past him, and I was always freaked out cause 1) I was a child.
Like literally 14. 2) I also LOOKED like a child. I was 4’11 with a baby face, and never ‘dressed maturely’ so there’s NO WAY anyone could think I was anything other than a child. I’m still mistaken for ages 14-15 at 18 (now).
So what happened was the guy that was always there suddenly got up one day, and began following me home.
So obviously I sped up, I never ran but speed walked. I got to my door and he was at the end of my driveway. Luckily I was inside before he got too close and nothing ever happened. I only saw him 2 more times after that and then he disappeared. I and my whole family thought he had passed away because, around the same time, a homeless person was found dead on arrival in the gardens of the bank next to where he would always sit.
So I hadn’t seen him in years, until last week. We were obviously shocked he was alive. And then today, I saw him again. And in a spur-of-the-moment choice, I decided to post on my story ‘Big ups to the homeless guy who followed me home when I was 14’.
After that, the kid (who’s now making me question whether my anger and fear are valid) basically said that I should give him the benefit of the doubt, and be aware that I have no idea what he’s been through. I explained that this guy is the reason I am terrified to leave my house when it was even slightly dark outside, and this experience genuinely traumatized me.
Yet he keeps saying things like ‘he’s actually a decent guy’ and he’s ‘not that bad’. And he ‘won’t actually do anything’. I’m just like how am I supposed to know that?
When I said that I hope he disappears again he made me feel as though I went too far.
So am I the jerk?
EDIT:: The guy who was defending the guy who followed me home is a little controversial in his opinions. For example, he told my friend he thought it was ‘hot’ that she had to be sent to the mental hospital, and had a breakdown so bad she was throwing chairs all over the place.
3. AITJ For Telling My Brother That Bringing His Significant Other To Meet Our Family Wasn't A Great Idea?
“Last week my (20 M) grandpa came into town to visit, and we were going to go out to dinner together with the whole family.
My grandpa is a very sociable and extroverted man, he loves meeting new people. I told him a while back that I had a significant other and he told me to bring her to dinner. He jokingly added that my brother (17 M) should bring a date too so he wouldn’t be the third wheel.
The thing is my brother is currently going out with a guy, and my grandpa is incredibly religious so I don’t think it would be a good idea to bring him along. My brother is bi and has dated girls before so my grandpa never questioned it.
I told him not to bring his SO to dinner because Grandpa wouldn’t take it well, and he got upset and said he was absolutely going to bring him.
I truly have nothing against his relationship or his s*******y, but it’s been so long since we’ve seen our grandpa, and it would be a shame if the dinner was ruined because of this.
I also don’t think his relationship with his SO was that serious, they had only been together for a couple of months so I don’t think it’s very appropriate for him to meet our family anyway.
So here’s where I guess I do something jerkish.
I called up his SO and told him not to agree to come to the dinner because I didn’t want to make things uncomfortable. He’s an understanding guy so he agreed, and I don’t think he was very affected by it. But my brother seemed really distraught that he didn’t want to come, which is when I felt kinda bad.
I reassured him that it had nothing to do with him and that maybe it was just too early.
I don’t know, maybe I should have just let it happen and seen how things went. AITJ?”
2. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Come To My Daughter's Wedding Because Her Biological Mom Is Her Maid Of Honor?
“My (M 48) wife (Samantha, F 43) and I adopted our daughter (Cassandra, F 22) when she was 4 months old.
Her bio mom (f 38) was a junkie who wanted to terminate her pregnancy before her parents got involved and made her keep it.
We provided Cassandra with a nice life in a well-off town, and she even attended a private school. After I and Samantha divorced due to my meeting my new wife, Ashley (F 35), almost 10 years ago, Cassandra went through a bit of a rebellious phase that continued until she was about 16.
I feared she was going to end up like her birth mom, but between the divorce and welcoming a new child, my hands were tied, so I sent her to live with her grandparents.
What I didn’t know is that her bio mom lived in the same town as my former in-laws and somehow Cassandra and her got in touch.
They became close, and Cassandra even skipped Ashley’s birthday one year to go on vacation with her bio mom. I hated how close they got, especially knowing the bio mom’s past, so I moved Cassandra back in with us, but she moved right after graduation.
My ex doesn’t mind the relationship since the bio mom isn’t trying to replace her, but it’s pretty close.
Now onto the conflict. Cassandra is getting married to Ayden (M 34) and I’m supposed to pay for the entire thing, which I have no problem doing.
However, when I found out that her bio mom was going to be a maid of honor after my ex declined, I lost it. She literally gave her up and wanted her not to have her, and now she’s acting like their best friends.
My wife has been an amazing mother figure to Cassandra, and the fact that she’s choosing some random addict over her is disgusting. I’m not going to not pay for the wedding. I love my daughter and I want her to be happy, but I decided to not attend the wedding as it pains me and my wife to see her bio mom taking my wife’s place as a second mother figure.
My son (M 20) tells me I’m being a jerk.”
1. AITJ For Saying My Husband Is Favoring His Son More Than Our Daughters?
“My husband Tom (37 m) and I (33 f) have been married for 7 years and we have 2 kids, Sammy (3), and Nora (5). He was married before me and had a son (Teddy) who passed on from chronic illness at 4.
So far our family’s been pretty stable, meaning no fights or disagreements. Though I have complaints about some things Tom does. This might sound insensitive but he treats Teddy differently than our kids. e.g he has a ton of framed pictures of Teddy on his office wall and desk but none for our kids.
He also has pillows and blankets with Teddy’s name on them while not doing the same for Sammy & Nora. His argument was that this is his only way of showing love and remembering Teddy since he can’t see or touch him, while Sammy & Nora are here and he shows them affection in a physical form like doing bonding activities and such.
We kind of moved on from this issue until I accidentally came across a whole journal he has that was dedicated to Teddy. I’d read some of what was written and it had details of some moments in Teddy’s life. I felt sad for 2 reasons ~ one, because of how much heartache Tom had experienced, and two, the fact that he never thought of writing about his special moments with Sammy & Nora.
I gently brought it up to him and he got upset and tried to say the same thing about how he adores all three children but in different ways. I said it still hurts because while Sammy & Nora are still young, what if they come across something like that when they’re older and realize that dad didn’t love them as much as his eldest kid?
I said this reeks of favoritism but he said we weren’t even having this conversation nor should I have ‘called him out’ on his ‘alleged’ favoritism after I disrespected his privacy and read his private thoughts. I argued that it is what it is and he should start considering including the kids now and not wait til they’re (God forbid) gone to show them love.
He said I should be ashamed of myself for implying he doesn’t love his young children and for making him guilty only because he suffered a tragedy and was finally at peace with it. I said I was sorry he felt this way but he told me to stop talking and leave the room.
I walked out and he started crying, the kids then entered the room and started comforting him. So far we haven’t been on good terms, I keep trying to stay calm and collected but he’s being cold towards me making me feel like I’m at fault here.
I wanna know if AITJ?”
