People Wish To Know Our Opinions On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
34. AITJ For Wanting My Partner's Sister To Move Out?
“I (28F) am wanting my partner’s (29M) sister (23F) to move out. She has been staying with us for a year now. My partner helped her find a job in March 2021 and since then she has stayed with us.
We were living in an apartment at first and when I bought a house in Sept 2021 she tagged along with us.
The reason why my partner asked if she could stay with us is because she is in a lot of debt from college. She cannot find a job related to her degree field (bachelor in psychology) and now is working with my partner in a job he helped her get.
For the entirety of the time she’s been with us, I feel like I can’t fully relax in my own home. She isn’t a terrible person but we aren’t very close. She also isn’t exactly the neatest person and during the whole time we’ve been in the house she has only done dishes maybe 2 times.
The room she stays in is very messy. She pays me only 300 a month which is just enough to cover the expenses of her using utilities here. I actually was the one who decided on only $300 a month so that she could pay her college debts off sooner.
My partner tried asking her how much she owes but she is very reluctant to give an answer. She’s not a very driven person – after she finished college she went back home to her parents for about 1.5 years not doing anything. I think she’s gotten too comfortable staying with us with no intention of really leaving.
Yesterday I told my partner that he will need to tell her that she has 2-3 months to move out. I understand that he is just trying to help his sister out. She has the support of her parents so she can either find a job where they live and move back in with them or find an apartment here and continue the job she has here.
I am starting to hate that I can’t entirely relax in my own home that I worked hard for. I work as a registered nurse so my job is very stressful and I just want to have a place that I can fully relax in.”
33. AITJ For Helping Someone Get The Wedding Dress She Wants?
“My husband and I worked hard and managed to become financially secure adults after both of us grew up in poverty.
We raised our children to work hard. We did not spoil them or provide them with a lavish life. As teens, they all had part-time jobs but we did purchase them their own used cars which they were required to maintain. We also paid for college and we paid for our oldest two kids’ weddings, however, we were merely the ones paying and we did not provide any input or suggestions unless asked. The only thing we didn’t pay for for their weddings was our son’s tuxedo and our oldest daughter’s wedding dress.
Our youngest daughter, Michaela is engaged and we are paying for her wedding with the exception of her dress, she must buy her own wedding dress.
Michaela invited her daddy and me to watch her try on dresses with the bridal party. She found a beautiful dress in her budget and we were so honored to have been allowed to take part in her finding the dress and seeing herself as a bride.
While there I complimented another bride on a dress she was wearing and her mother and I struck up a conversation. I learned that the family was low-income and both the bride and groom and the bride’s parents had taken out loans to have a beautiful wedding. The bride is also plus-sized and I learned that she’d been to six different stores and there had only been a few options for her size and all of them had just been awful.
The bride ended up falling in love with the last dress she tried but was heartbroken to learn that the consultant had misread the price tag and the dress was actually $1000 over budget and with alterations to make it her size it was another $1400. The bride took the dress off and said she’d try to find something online.
I grew up poor and I was also a chubby kid. I was bullied and I was very unhappy. I always wanted more and in this bride, I saw myself and I didn’t want her to have to settle for a dress that fit versus a dress she loved so while my daughter was changing I asked the other bride if I could pay the difference on her dress.
It was very emotional, we all held each other and cried, and she accepted. I very happily paid the difference on her dress. Her mother, herself, and I are now friends on social media and my husband and I have been invited to the wedding, which we will gladly attend.
I felt very honored to have been allowed to help this girl in a small way and being invited to her wedding was so unexpected and so amazing.
When Michaela found out about this she threw a fit and said that I obviously had shown how I truly feel about her wedding and herself and if I cared at all I’d have paid for her dress, too.
She’s now not speaking to me or to her father (who didn’t even have a hand in this, which is unfair). She has now uninvited us from the wedding. We’re so hurt and confused. Was I a jerk?
I wanted to add: Michaela didn’t know I’d paid for the dress while we were at the bridal shop.
She was in the fitting room doing a last-minute try-on and I took the opportunity to go to the payment counter during that time. So, Michaela didn’t lose any of my attention, in fact, we were all done, she’d picked her dress, we’d celebrated, she wasn’t in the same part of the shop as us.
She didn’t find out until a few hours later at dinner when her dad accidentally revealed it then. He’s a little talkative and didn’t mean to reveal it.”
32. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Pay For A Replacement For My Camera?
“I (F32) was on a vacation with my husband and his family for 5 days in another state.
Truth be told I’m not too fond of his family as a whole due to their intrusive, pushy nature but decided to go since he insisted. I brought my video camera with me to capture some moments with him and our 4-year-old daughter. His family and his mom started complaining about not being ‘included’ in the videos I recorded but I already told them I wanted this to be a project for our small family (me, him, our daughter).
He told me that this isn’t right and that his family… his mom especially feels kind of disrespected by me continually excluding them from all of my videos. He suggested I take a video or two of them just to ‘keep the peace’. Well, I told him that this costs me money but still said okay and took 2 videos (8 min long) of his mom, sister, her kids and husband, and the others.
That was still not enough apparently, as his mom wanted to be present in every video I take with my daughter. I was getting frustrated honestly.
We got on a boat for a short tour and his mom saw me recording my daughter and DEMANDED I record her but I politely declined. She threw a fit and told my husband who gave me a horrible stare then demanded that I include his mom in the ENTIRE video but I refused. He suddenly took the camera out of my hand and threw it into the sea.
I verbally gasped and then looked at him and he sat back down nonchalantly telling me I only got myself to blame for this. I was boiling inside I looked over and I swear I saw his mom smirking.
I had an argument with him telling him in front of his family that I’m expecting and then demanding him to replace this expensive camera of mine and the tour was cut short.
His family said that I, once again, ruined their trip after I packed my stuff and said I wanted to go home with my daughter. His mom remained calm while his dad defended him saying that his son was pushed by me, and acted out of frustration and that it was unrealistic of me to expect him to pay that much on something as unimportant as a camera.
We went home and the fight continued now we’re not speaking but he keeps saying that I should’ve included his mom in the video and that I was no saint in this situation and shouldn’t blame the victim, much less demand anything from him. But I just wanted to make some memories with my daughter.
Was I wrong to demand him to pay for a replacement?”
31. AITJ For Excitedly Planning My Wedding Despite My Sister-In-Law's Divorce?
“SIL and I never truly got along. The reason is that we have different mindsets on some stuff regarding how we live our lives. And while I’m respectful or indifferent about her life choices she’s always trying to impose her beliefs and choices on me and my fiancé, her brother.
My fiancé and I (26m and 26f) have been together for 7 years and we have a very loving relationship. He proposed 6 months ago and I started wedding planning 3 months ago. We have a very loving relationship with great communication and we still go on dates and like to dress up, we join activities and hobbies together and overall our relationship hasn’t changed and we haven’t stopped loving each other more and more.
SIL on the other hand has a different mindset. She was married and her marriage was the kind of marriage where they brag about how much they hate and can’t stand each other. She’d also mock my and my fiancé’s relationship the entire time and call our dates, dressing up, and our hobbies crap, claiming we do it for attention and don’t truly love each other and also said how she can’t wait till we end up hating each other too in the future.
She and her husband filed for divorce two months ago and I honestly am indifferent about it. I don’t feel sad, or happy I just don’t care.
Yesterday my MIL & FIL joined us for dinner. As I was talking about some wedding stuff MIL pretty much confronted me and said how can I be so happy and excited to plan a wedding while my SIL is getting divorced. My fiancé tried to intervene but MIL told him to shut up because he’s a terrible brother who doesn’t support his sister through those hard times.
She also said I have no empathy for SIL and I only care about my wedding and my little stupid dates.
I told her I indeed don’t feel sorry that SIL, the person who bragged about hating her husband and being in a loveless marriage, is getting divorced. She and her husband had it coming.
I also won’t feel sorry for a person who mocked my happiness and relationship.
MIL said I’m very insensitive for saying this and she expects an apology to her as well as to my SIL for this. She left after that and only told me and my fiancé to call her if we want to apologize and only then.
AITJ?”
It's time to put your foot down and let him know that the one who owes an apology is his mom....if she wants to be invited to the wedding and remain in your lives
30. AITJ For Not Standing Up For My Mom Against My Wife?
“I (23M) married my wife (22F), let’s call her K, last year and it was recently our 1-year anniversary.
I met K when we were in 6th grade, we became friends and then started going out our freshman year of high school. I proposed to her right before 2020.
K and my mother (46F) have never had a good relationship, and if I’m being honest, she wasn’t the best mother to me but I still love her.
Now getting to the problem. I and K went to my parents’ house for our one-year anniversary because my sister was also visiting and this would be a chance for me to meet my nephew for the first time.
We left for my parents’ house about 5 days before our anniversary. First night: no issues, second night: no issues. The third night is when I realized K was starting to get annoyed with my mother’s remarks to her.
On the day of our anniversary, we went out for the day and had a good time.
When we got back to my parents, my sister, and K were in the kitchen having a glass of wine and talking. It’s about 8 o’clock and we all start to settle down. Nephew is asleep so the adults decided to just sit in the back around the fire pit and talk.
My sister is engaged and is starting to look for dresses so she pops the question and asks K if she can see a pic of her dress because she needs inspiration.
This is where things got bad. As K goes to grab her phone to show her the pictures, my mom says ‘Oh no (sister’s name), you don’t want a dress like hers you’ll look like an absolute scarlet woman.’
As my sister and I went to say something K just looks at my mom and in the calmest voice I’ve ever heard says ‘Oh please, you can kiss my butt’.
Both I and my sister looked at each other and busted out laughing. My dad was wide-eyed and looked like he was holding in a laugh as well.
My mother just silently got up and walked inside the house, dad followed her.
The next morning, we say goodbye to my sister and get on the road back home.
When we get home, I’m receiving multiple calls and texts from multiple family members regarding this situation.
And then late that night, my mom calls me and tells me I’m a total jerk for laughing at what K said, and not standing up for her.
Now she’s mad at me and refuses to answer my text or calls, so am I the jerk?
Edit: Just to clarify, I do not just let my mother trash-talk my wife. Yes, I stand up for my wife and yes, my wife has stood up for herself. Me and my wife will have a serious conversation about what happened and I am totally on her side with this.”
29. AITJ For Threatening To Take My Homeless Sister To Court If She Doesn't Pay Me Back?
“At the beginning of 2019, my sister (21F) became homeless because she lost her job and had no income. I (19F) offered for her to move in with me and my significant other (20M). She said yes so we made some rules. No eating food that wasn’t bought for her, no longer than 30 minutes in the shower, don’t leave lights on and our main one was don’t take money without asking.
She agreed to all of these rules and followed them for about 2 weeks. One day my SO went into the fridge to get his leftover takeout and it was gone, I had been working that night so he knew it was my sister. He asked her about it and she claimed to not know that it was in there.
He let it slide since it was just takeout, but we started to notice that our energy and gas bills had gone up a substantial amount since she moved in, so we sat her down to talk. She told us that she had been following the rules put in place and that it must be us using the extra gas instead.
For months afterward, money kept going missing, my bank card got taken, food was stolen, and she spent about 2 hours every night in the shower and we finally had enough.
I told her that if she wanted to continue to live with me she needed to pay me back every penny that she spent, she needed to pay me every month for gas and electricity and if she wanted specific food, she needed to buy it for herself.
She yelled at me, calling me entitled, selfish, and nasty, saying that I didn’t know what it was like to be in her shoes.
I replied ‘If you don’t pay me back everything you have spent, I will take you to court’. She cried and begged but I didn’t listen.
Her total came to £14,000 and I told her to pay me by the end of the year or she was going to be taken to court.
She has only paid back £7,000 and it’s been 3 years. I am willing to let about 1000-2000 slide but I expect most of it back.
Am I the jerk?”
28. AITJ For Being Angry At My Dad For Excluding Me From His Trip To Paris With My Stepsiblings?
“A few weeks ago I learned from my stepbrother’s TikTok that my dad, stepmom, and two stepbrothers are in Paris. I was staying with my mom at the time.
I’m F16 and would have loved to be there but they didn’t even tell me they were going.
I immediately sent a text to my dad asking if they were enjoying their time in Paris and despite reading it he didn’t reply until late at night. Then he tried to play dumb and said it was great and he wished I could be there.
YEAH ME TOO! So I replied that he could have taken me and he said it wasn’t possible and we’ll talk about it later.
So when they returned I told them that I’m hurt that they didn’t take me. My dad took me aside and told me that their finances are very tight, this vacation was a gift from stepmom’s parents and they only bought it for my dad, their daughter, and their own grandchildren, and not me.
He reminded me that I shouldn’t act in an entitled way. They were effectively guests (even though the grandparents weren’t there, they just paid for it) and I wasn’t invited so I shouldn’t act in an entitled way.
I wasn’t convinced, they could have refused to go without me, paid for me themselves, gone somewhere cheaper, stayed a little longer, or asked my mom to pitch in (and she would have).
My not being there was exclusionary. If this was only about money they could have made it work. So I told my dad that I was disappointed in him.
So last night my stepmom’s parents came over for dinner. The subject of the vacation came up and everyone was talking about it and I was just sitting there being quiet until I thanked them for doing such a nice thing for the ‘family’ while my dad looked at me in a frowny way.
Everyone went quiet, my dad tried explaining that I should have understood that this was a very expensive gift, I’m acting like an entitled brat and should go to my room if I can’t behave myself. I said it doesn’t seem like I belong anyway and told them to enjoy ‘your’ family dinner and left.
Later the grandmother came to my room and tried explaining that they gifted this to their grandchildren and couldn’t afford to include me as well. She said they initially only had a budget for 3 (their daughter and grandchildren) but stretched themselves to 4 to include my dad as well, but while they wished they could have done it for me too they could really not stretch it to 5.
So I told her my problem is with my dad and I have no beef with her, but she doesn’t get to act like she cares about me either and it’s ok. I was like ‘I’m a stranger to you and you don’t care about me, so have some balls, put your big girl pants on, and wear it on your sleeve’ and asked her to get out of my room.
She left and I heard her telling my dad that I was very rude to her, so I’m grounded until further notice.
Am I acting like an entitled brat and AITJ in this situation?”
27. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Wear Something Modest To A Dinner With My Bosses?
“I live/work in a heavily conservative city and state however, I tend to lean left on most issues.
I come from lower middle class background but I put myself through school with student loans and have made a really excellent career. I was recently given a promotion to a director position that will finally allow me to be debt free and financially set. That being said, the majority of the leadership in my company are of a certain age, and very conservative both politically and socially.
This, at times, causes me to leave my political and social leanings unsaid. It sucks, but such is the way of the world.
I started going out with my now-partner about four months ago, and I am very much head over heels for her. She is much more of a free spirit than I am, which is something I love about her.
She very much does not care what people think about her, and it is super refreshing. She has many tattoos and her nose is pierced. I think she is so beautiful and I never neglect to let her know that. I invited her to my promotion dinner held by the leadership of my company.
The CEO, COO, and President would all be there with their significant others. They are hosting it at a very nice steakhouse downtown.
When I picked her up I was a bit taken aback by her outfit. She was wearing a very form-fitting dress, that also revealed some of her midriffs and had pretty deep cleavage and she has a pretty large chest. She looked amazing, and I wouldn’t care about that outfit almost anywhere else, but I honestly didn’t feel it was appropriate for the occasion.
She could tell I felt uncomfortable immediately when I got to her place. She was a glass or two of wine deep, and she asked what was wrong. I told her that she looked beautiful, but I didn’t know if the outfit was the proper selection for the first time meeting my bosses.
She immediately got defensive, and a fight ensued. She told me she would not be changing and if I was uncomfortable to just go without her and accused me of being fake.
At this point, she was yelling and began to cry as I tried to reason with her.
She told me to leave and that she would not be going. As I was leaving I told her I was sorry and wasn’t trying to offend her. She said, ‘Whatever, sorry I’m not classy enough to impress your daddies’… I tried to give her a hug as I was leaving and she told me to get lost. I went to dinner and had mostly a miserable time.
I told the leadership team she wasn’t feeling well and that’s why she wasn’t able to make it.
After dinner, I went home and tried calling her with no answers. She hasn’t called or texted me back since Friday night. I am pretty devastated. I would never want to change her or anything about her.
I guess I was hoping she could have seen my perspective for my promotion dinner.”
26. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Keep My Cats In My Room?
“I (21F) live with my two roommates and my significant other. They have a designated half of the house, with two bedrooms and a bathroom, while my SO (22M) and I have the master bed/bath. Each half has a living area, and there’s a small dining area and a kitchen that everyone shares.
One of my roommates (23F), let’s call her Sarah, has one child with her ex, and he has full custody. She regularly video calls and visits her child, and is sometimes asked to babysit for her ex. Her ex has two children, one with her, and one with another baby mama, so when Sarah babysits, she watches both kids.
Lately, she has decided to start babysitting in our house, which doesn’t bother me horribly, but is a little irritating because I am never asked if children are welcome and am usually surprised when I come out of my bedroom to children screaming and crying. However, today the issue worsened for me.
Last night, I was made aware last minute that the kids would be at the house again, likely for the entire week, to which I told her I appreciate the notice, and that was it.
This morning rolls around and she tells us that one of the children is allergic to cats and that she expects us to keep the cats (we have two) in our room or outside.
This doesn’t work for a number of reasons before I even touch how I feel that it’s an unfair request in general.
Firstly, my cats’ food is in the kitchen. It’s never been a problem so it’s always gone there. On top of that, the litter box is in a little mudroom, which does not require the cats to leave our space or the shared space, as it is in ours, but just off the shared laundry room.
Another physical issue with this suggestion is the fact that it’s consistently 90°F or more outside, so keeping them outside is unsafe. The final physical reason is that we have let our cats out for the last six months or so, but as we may be moving soon, I want them to return to feeling more comfortable indoors so that when we move, they don’t go outside and get lost. (Maybe that’s silly but I’ve never had cats before and I want to be safe.)
Aside from those reasons, I feel as though her request was unfair because I didn’t bring the cats in by surprise. They have been here longer than Sarah and her SO. The children are the visitors, and if the choice was mine and it was discussed previously, I would have suggested that she babysit at their house instead.
I feel like I could be the jerk because the child and Sarah cannot control her allergies, and I could be more accommodating even if I was unaware of the allergies and they’re not my guests.”
25. AITJ For Refusing To Return My Nintendo Switch To My Ex?
“Back in November, I (22F) ended a 5+ year relationship. At the time, I seemed to be a jerk because I did so after meeting someone online and catching feelings for them. I was transparent with my ex (26M) and ended things before meeting this person in real life.
My ex and I were in a long-distance relationship, but I live close to one of his siblings, and he lives close to my mom.
During our relationship, I let him borrow some of my music equipment because I didn’t use it much at the time. However, when we ended things, I made it clear that I wanted my stuff back, and that he could drop it off at my mom’s (20-minute drive from his place) anytime.
All I wanted was for my stuff to be there when I’d come to visit my mom this summer. He said he needed some time to get himself his own equipment. I was fine with it because it wouldn’t change much since I’d only get to my mom’s by July.
In December, I gave his stuff to his sibling that lived near me.
In February, I messaged him to get updates on when he thought he would drop my stuff. He rudely said he had other stuff to care about, so I dropped it.
I’ll be at my mom’s in two weeks, so she decided to message him, so I wouldn’t have to run after my stuff during my summer holidays.
He was rude to her, but they agreed on a time and place for him to drop my stuff.
He just messaged me, saying since he’s dropping off my stuff, he wants me to drop off the Nintendo Switch he got me as a gift to his siblings by the end of the summer.
I only asked him for the stuff that belonged to me, I let him keep the gifts, and I let his other sibling keep a musical instrument I let them borrow.
I am genuinely angry at him, for asking, for being rude to my mom, for waiting SIX MONTHS to give me my stuff back.
I don’t want to give the gift back, just as a matter of principle, but I don’t want to have to deal with a lot of crap when I am at my mom’s.
AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Telling Someone She's Ruining Our Friend Group?
“Over my years in college, I created a large group of friends.
Now also in those years, friends in this group have gone out with each other or are still together. No matter what happens, we all remain friendly and civil and work out our differences.
So one of these friends, Greg, went out with 2 girls in the group – Jessica and Katie.
Things didn’t work out with either, but again we all stayed friends. No drama or anything. It was clear Katie still had feelings left for Greg. For Greg, we weren’t really sure. They still hung out separately from the group.
Then Greg saw people outside the group. That’s how we met Celeste.
To say the least, no one likes her. I won’t lie, our group formed at a very prestigious college and the friends all have the same socioeconomic background. Celeste stands out. She doesn’t fit in. She’s shy and unable to contribute to discussions because again, different backgrounds.
Greg was still hanging out with Katie.
Celeste didn’t know. They didn’t do anything, but Katie, hoping to get Greg back, told Celeste and said Greg still cared for her.
This is where things got messy.
Greg cut off Katie completely to work things out with Celeste. That caused a lot of drama. We understood why, but still…
Then he cut off Jessica.
We all wanted to know why. Finally, he admitted Celeste was very uncomfortable with him being friends with an ex due to the Katie situation and she didn’t think she could handle it so she was going to end it. Greg, desperate to fix the relationship, said he’d cut off all exes for her so she could ‘heal’.
During a cookout, Katie and Jessica were both mentioned and Celeste seemed visibly uncomfortable. Now I was tipsy. I asked her was even their names a trigger. She said no, it’s just still fresh and she’d rather not talk about it. I asked her about therapy because she seems insecure.
She said she thought about it. Finally, I looked around and told her she should work on it before she further ruins a once great friendship group. Before leaving I told her this group was happy and fine before she came in. Maybe she needs to do some reflection.
AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Wanting My Son To Stay With Me Now That His Father Is Gone?
“When I was 18, I pretty much wound up in a church marriage with Erich who was ten years older than me.
I had my son Ethan (13) with him. Even though we had Ethan things weren’t good with Erich. I didn’t know how to get out, I didn’t even have a computer to learn how. But I still made the stupidest mistake and had an affair with Amos, my current husband.
Simply put, it cost me everything from my marriage to my son to my place in the community.
I did get partial custody of Ethan, but he refused to come over and see me. He would refuse to eat and even try and run away. So I resorted to using my custody to see him at big events for him but he didn’t even seem happy to have me there.
It’s been three years since the divorce and Erich passed away in December in a car crash. I obviously got full custody of Ethan even though his aunt wanted to take him in. It has been rough since then and he’s only happy when we let him babysit his sister.
I have tried everything to try and make him happy and I understand that it won’t happen overnight.
He told me last night that he wants to spend Summer Break with his aunt and her family since they are going to Quebec for July and August. I said no because it’s so far away and it would be for two months.
If it were only for a week or two or even a month I’d say yes. I pointed out to him all of the stuff that we could do at that time as a family. He only got mad and called me a jerk for forcing him to stay with me instead of where he belonged. But he’s my son and he does belong with me!”
22. AITJ For Not Using Our Family Heirloom Ring?
“I proposed to my (25m) now fiancée (25f), and she said ‘Yes!’
My parents have always looked down on my fiancée bc she comes from a working-class family.
We are the antithesis.
My mother is cold and condescending to my fiancée. She likes saying things like, ‘I see OP took you to a proper store, that outfit looks different than your usual style.’ Said that at the proposal party in front of people. My father is amused by all of it.
Now, the heirloom: It’s a big 200+-year-old diamond; it is a distinct look and it’s not for everyone. My mother still wants my fiancée to wear it strangely. My fiancée wanted something modern and less flashy. We agreed that using the family stone would allow my mother to hold something over her head.
How I came into possession of the stone: manipulation. She basically ambushed me at lunch in a public space. I never ‘formally’ accepted to use the stone. She never mentioned it again. It was sus but I went with it.
Fast forward to the proposal party. Both our parents, close family, and friends were there.
After I proposed, my mother came running up to my fiancée and asked to see the ring… when she saw it wasn’t the old stone, she burst out in tears – in front of a group. She said I didn’t love her and we betrayed her by not using the stone and keeping this from her.
The family gave us disapproving looks throughout the night. Got ‘compliments’ like, ‘Oh that’s a cute design, oh that’s so unique’.
My parents texted me that they are no longer buying our house for us and cutting off financial support. They were ‘disappointed in the deception and disrespect’.
I don’t care. My fiancée is conflicted. She feels like she’s the reason all of this is happening and just wants to accept the ring.
My family is texting me nasty things that I’m breaking a long tradition for some ‘working-class bimbo; gold digger’. They’re saying they won’t accept her into the family, tradition, blah blah.
I’m putting my foot down and cutting ties with them – at least going low contact. My mother has cornered me my whole life like this.
Everyone is against me. I’m starting to feel crazy.
AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Being Upset About How My Mom Coddles My Sister?
“I (45F) am the youngest of two daughters. My dad died when I was 18. My older sister (52F) and I share a mom. My dad raised her from the age of 5. I moved away from home for college at 17 and I have lived on my own since then.
My sister has been back and forth on her own and back home with Mom, recently living with Mom rent-free for 8 years.
Fast forward to now, my sister recently moved into a new apartment and my elderly mother was helping her move. My mom paid the movers. My mom cleaned the old place.
She is still coddling her like she is a child. I live 45 minutes away and the only time my mom visits or calls me is when she needs me to do a favor for my sister. I have asked her to stop doing that.
Example: I recently renovated my dining room and invited the family for Mother’s Day brunch.
Somehow, that turned into an impromptu birthday party for my sister, whose birthday had been the previous week. She didn’t contribute at all to my mom or aunt’s meal or gift and her excuse was, ‘Well, mom said that it was my birthday, too. So why should I pay?’ When I protested, my mom tried to contribute.
ON MOTHER’S DAY! I told her to put her money away. I can afford it. But I won’t host an expensive brunch again.
Fast forward to today, we normally take a quick family vacation at the end of June. I have a high-stress job and because of work obligations, I can only stay the long weekend.
I spoke to my mom this morning and confirmed that we were leaving on Saturday afternoon. She said, ‘I can’t go until Tuesday because your sister has an MRI scheduled and she needs me to drive her. She still doesn’t know the way to the hospital.’ A grown woman with GPS in her car and on her phone can’t figure out how to get to a major hospital in a city she has lived in all of her adult life?
A place that she has been to several times already? She said that I don’t understand. My sister needs her. I asked her what about my needs. She didn’t respond. Then, I told my mom to forget it. I won’t go at all. She can go on Tuesday and spend time with the only child she intended to have.
From now on she can pretend that my sister is an only child, since having me was clearly a mistake because she doesn’t care about my needs at all. So, AITJ?
EDIT: My sister doesn’t have any kind of disability or anything. She works a full-time job.
She just doesn’t want to do anything. I suspect (and I don’t know this for sure) that she blames my mom for leaving her dad and getting married again. And… having another kid. And this has been stewing inside her for years. So, she acts like she can’t function, so people will do things for her.
I have always had to do things for myself.
A little background about our trip… my parents used to rent a little cabin when we were kids and we would go up together for a week. It was our first vacation of the summer and my dad’s week of rest. My dad and I would hike and go fishing together.
The year before he died, he had the best time. That place holds a lot of memories and even after we got older, we would still try to go, even if it was just for a long weekend. Sometimes just my mom and I would go. Sometimes my sister would come.
It’s about more than just a vacation. It’s about memories of a happier time with my family.”
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Be Part Of My Anniversary Trip With My Wife?
“My wife and I have our 5-year wedding anniversary coming up this fall. To celebrate, I booked us a trip to the same place we took our minimoon after we got married. I figured it would be a nice way for us to celebrate 5 years of marriage.
She loved the idea when I told her and we are both looking forward to it.
My MIL’s birthday happens to be the week before our anniversary. My wife was telling MIL about our anniversary trip recently and MIL started talking about how she always wanted to go there but never had a chance.
I guess my wife suggested that the two of them go there together for MIL’s birthday. My wife told me her plan later.
Apparently, her idea is to leave with MIL the week of her birthday, before our scheduled anniversary trip. Then, they would wait for me to arrive, MIL’s trip would overlap ours by 1-2 days, MIL would leave, and my wife and I would stay for the remainder of our planned trip.
So, essentially my wife would be spending 7-10 days there, half with MIL and half with me.
When she told me her plan, I was less than enthused. I told her it felt like she was hijacking our anniversary trip and turning it into a MIL birthday gift when I was hoping that this would be something special just for the 2 of us.
I told her I understand MIL wants to visit this place, but why does it have to be literally the same trip as our anniversary? Why couldn’t they just go there literally any other time?
She said that it just makes sense for them to overlap so that we can save a little amount.
But since my wife offered this as a gift to MIL, we’re paying for her trip so we aren’t saving anything. She also just assumed that I would be ok with taking care of our 2 kids while she and MIL were gone and since MIL was supposed to watch our kids during our trip, now we need to find other childcare for them too.
I told her that this all just seems a little too complicated and it would all be easier if we kept our anniversary trip and a mommy-daughter trip separate. My wife did not take my criticism of her plan well. She claimed I was being selfish for wanting to make this trip just about ‘us.’ Which, yeah it’s an anniversary trip, not a family vacation.
She said she wants to do something nice for MIL for her birthday and since she’s always wanted to visit this location, it just makes sense to do it all at once. She claims I am being a jerk for not simply agreeing with her and that I’m being selfish since MIL would really like this.
She hasn’t booked anything yet for the part of the trip with her mom, but she wants to as soon as possible. I’ve still been trying to talk her out of it, but she just keeps digging her heels in that this is what she is going to do.
I really, really do not want MIL on any part of an anniversary trip, even for 1-2 days. I know we wouldn’t be sharing a room or anything, but that’s not the point. I thought this was going to be a special trip for my wife and me, and she turned it into something completely different.”
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Brother's Kids And Partner To My Wedding?
“My brother’s family is messy. He’s been married three times, has five kids between the first two marriages, divorced wife #3 a couple of years ago, and is currently going out with a known drinking addict who still drinks.
His first marriage ended because my brother decided he wanted to be with someone else.
That relationship broke up. Wife number two came along not long after. They were married for 4 years and had three kids one after the other, but ultimately, she couldn’t deal with my brother’s oldest kids not wanting her around and treating her badly. That marriage ended more brutally than his first. More than a decade later he was married to wife number three when the past came back up, and his kids from the second marriage started hating their older siblings for breaking up the family and not being remorseful about it.
The older kids said they hadn’t liked the younger kids’ mom and had no regrets about pushing her out of their lives.
They cannot be in the same room today without fighting. Between this, and the kids of the second marriage disliking the third wife, that marriage ended. The older kids said it was funny how the younger ones didn’t like their dad’s wife and that was okay, but they were horrible for not liking the younger siblings’ mom.
My brother tries to make everyone get along but they don’t want to.
Now he’s with someone who has shown up wasted to so many things and has actually caused a couple of scenes.
Because of this, I do not want them near my wedding. Not my nieces and nephews and not the new girl.
I brought this to my brother after he mentioned coming to my wedding. He told me at 55 he should be able to bring whoever he wants, and I should stop treating him like a child. I told him it wasn’t me treating him like a child but about me protecting my wedding.
That I would only invite him if he comes alone.
He believes I’m a jerk for putting a rule on him like this. Is he right?”
18. AITJ For Not Sending My Stepdaughters' Mom Any More Funds?
“I (29F) have been married to my husband (31M) Carlos for a year. We were together for one year before we got married but we went out in high school for two years. We just reconnected and knew we were meant to be. He has 2 daughters (10 and 7) with his baby mama (29F) Laura, and I have a son (10).
So she was kinda the girl in high school who hated me cause she wanted to be with my partner, and she got to have him after I ended up moving to another state summer of junior year.
Now we get the girls half the time. He has half custody but the girls are with mom for school, so we get them weekends, summer, and holidays.
You get the drill. Whenever they’re not in school. They have everything they need here with us, toys, clothes, shoes, etc. They used to be able to take their stuff to their mom’s until we realized it was never coming back. One day we asked the girls what happened to their stuff and they informed us that their mom threw it away when they got home.
We had gotten the girls shoes before the school year started (2 pairs each) and we never saw them again, we did the same for Christmas and yet again never saw them but it makes sense why now that we know what she’s doing so since like February they haven’t been allowed to take anything over and the girls are okay with this.
Now this past Sunday we dropped them off and everything was fine. An hour later Laura texts us (we have a group chat per my husband’s request) saying we need to buy the girls shoes cause they have one pair and it’s jacked up. I straight out said ‘No we won’t.
Carlos just sent you $200 on Friday for the girls to use that money to buy the shoes’, to which she replied ‘I used that money for other important stuff’. My husband replied and said ‘What do you mean? I send you that money for the girls’ needs and that alone, if you’re not using it on them I’m not gonna send any more’.
He’s not on child support because he has half custody but he sends it to her weekly because he knows she only works 3 days out of the week and he doesn’t want the girls to not eat or have basic needs.
She then sent this long paragraph saying that the only reason he won’t send it or buy the shoes is because of me and I’m such a jerk and blah blah blah.
At this point, we’re tired of it and he’s thinking about getting full custody which I’m not against. The girls already have their own room here and I love them. We told his mom and my mom and they think we’re jerks for saying no to getting the girls shoes if they really need them but the thing is we don’t know whether or not that’s true.
So are we in the wrong here?”
17. AITJ For Letting My Fiancé's Niece Not Wear A Dress To My Wedding?
“I (32f) am getting married to my fiance (41m) next year. After we got engaged, I suggested it might be nice if I asked my fiancé’s niece (who’s 15) if she wanted to be a bridesmaid too.
I’ve only met her a couple of times, so we’re not close, but she seemed like a cool kid and I thought it might be a nice way for us to bond/get to know each other/involve her in the wedding. (Side note – she’s the only niece/nephew on either side of the family).
Anyway, cut to a few weeks ago and we’re in my fiancé’s hometown to visit his family and discuss wedding-related stuff. His brother, sister-in-law, and their daughter came over and I noticed this time that she was dressed a lot more androgynous than I remembered. The topic moved to wedding dresses and bridesmaid’s dresses and I could see she was immediately uncomfortable.
Her parents (her mum really) and grandma were making comments about how she’d need to be more feminine/brush her hair etc, and how nice it would be to see her like that. I’ll be honest and say this hit a nerve with me, as I was very much a tomboy as a teenager (even though I’m not anymore) and it absolutely broke me whenever my relatives would say things like that.
Eventually, her mother made a comment along the lines of, ‘It’ll be nice to see you dressed like a girl for once,’ and she looked really sad/embarrassed/upset.
In response, because that REALLY hit a nerve, I immediately told her that my maid of honor would be wearing a trouser suit for the wedding and not a dress and that I’d given all the bridesmaids the option of wearing anything they want as long as it’s in the ‘wedding color’, to make things easier.
I pulled out my phone and started showing her photos of the ideas my friend had sent me (a jumpsuit, culottes, a trouser suit, a tailored tux, etc) and let her know that she could pick anything at all she wanted – she could even wear jeans and trainers if that made her comfortable – and that it’s a wedding, not a fashion show.
My niece perked up a bit when I said that but her mum looked really mad. She’s since asked my fiancé to pressure me into getting all the bridesmaids dresses so their daughter will have to wear one (which, LOL, no). My husband doesn’t care what she wears, but obviously also doesn’t want his family and me to be arguing on the wedding day.
I don’t want to back down because I know what it feels like to be pressured into wearing something that makes you uncomfortable, but on the other hand, I know it’s only for a day and it’d make the family happy.
AITJ for trying to overrule her parents?”
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Tolerate My Parents' Support For My Brother's Irresponsibility?
“I (26) have a brother (30) who has 3 kids. My brother first had my oldest nephew in high school and while disappointed, my family rallied behind him so much to help him and his partner at the time.
My nephew ended up living with my parents and me for almost 5 years, during which my brother managed to get fired from his job and divorced the child’s mom due to getting his coworker pregnant. Along came my niece, which none of us were thrilled about but were trying to make the best out of the situation.
I expressed frustration during this pregnancy with the fact that he was having yet another child that he couldn’t afford or take care of properly so it would then become my parents’ stress.
Nonetheless, she was here and so I wasn’t willing to give up a relationship with her or my nephew who I’m very close to just to keep arguing about what was already done.
However, he’s constantly having to crash at my parent’s house due to his water/electricity being turned off since he can’t afford some months because he doesn’t work. Then came my youngest nephew. Whenever he’s not crashing at my parent’ he’s taking money from them ‘for the kids’ yet posts pictures of him out partying every weekend.
My parents always complain to me about having to pitch in because he doesn’t make better choices.
Fast forward to last night when my partner and I go to my grandma’s house for a family dinner where he announces that he got her pregnant AGAIN. Everyone just kind of stared but my mom said congratulations and tried to play it off.
I was furious. I told him that he’s irresponsible and selfish and I don’t know where he keeps finding these girls dumb enough to get knocked up by him. I told them both that if they really cared about their children, they wouldn’t do this.
I also told my parents that their constant bailing him out of these situations is enabling him to be a crappy father and get away with it. I told them I don’t want to be a part of a family that supports bringing kids into the world just for them to have a struggling life and if they continue to bail him out financially that I won’t come around anymore.
I’m tired of hearing them all complain about their lives with all of these kids but no one is doing anything to stop it.
My brother and his fiancé say I’m a jerk for commenting on their lives that have nothing to do with me (I disagree because they ask for money from me and my parent’s finances have to do with me).
My dad is saying I’m a jerk for giving them an ultimatum and asking me to choose between having me in their lives or their grandkids starving.
I’m pretty sure I won’t be in the family anymore either way, but I’ve been torn on if I was too harsh.
My grandma said she agrees with me but thinks I overreacted and should just let my parents suffer with my brother since that’s what they choose to do.”
15. AITJ For Telling My Dad's Siblings Not To Expect Anything From Us Because They're Not Getting Anything From My Dad's Will?
“I (28F) grew up super wealthy since my father owned a lot of pharmacy branches scattered all over the city where we live in.
I have two younger brothers (24M), both twins. Our birth mom died when she gave birth to my twin brothers, so it was mostly me, them and my father growing up. No particular family issues, he raised us well and even got his family out of poverty. However, only we were somewhat more ‘privileged’ but he was able to help them rise up to the middle class.
My dad had 4 more siblings. Him being the eldest, however, we were not fond of my father’s siblings since we would only see them whenever they needed something.
When my father died, I and my brothers were heartbroken. We took a lot of time trying to grieve but when we did, we arranged a funeral for him and held a reception after at our house.
When all of our relatives came in from both sides of the family, my father’s siblings together with the relatives from his side, were particularly noisy. We mentioned if they could lower their voices since silence is a form to pay respect to the dead. His 1st younger sister looked at us and said, ‘When are you reading the letter?
We want to know what his last words were’ and immediately knew that she was talking about the will. My brothers pulled me in before reading it and said that they just want me to read the will so that they know if there were any property left of our dad that will be passed on to them.
Immediately had a reality check but still read it.
When they found out that nothing would be passed on to his siblings, they flipped. They were particularly fond of my dad’s pharmacy business and said that they had the right to take it over since they are his siblings.
I said the only people who have the right to take over what he left are the ones mentioned in his will. Which was us 3. They couldn’t accept this and started making a scene. They said that I should give them the will cause they thought I was lying.
They said that they would take me and my siblings to court because they were certain that they were also written in the will.
I got fed up and told them that they had to leave and shouldn’t expect anything from us cause they will be getting nothing.
On their way out one of his siblings said ‘Didn’t know – my dad’s name – kids were such brats’ and immediately felt hurt. My dad’s other relatives were gossiping and giving us looks which made me think about the will. AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Talking About "Girl Stuff" On A Girls' Night With My Partner?
“My partner (m27) started asking to join me in my girl’s night at our house.
Every time I tried to say no he’d be like ‘I have to join or you’ll have to cancel’. It made me & the girls miserable having to sit there with him in the middle.
This past Friday he insisted to join us again, I had enough I came up with an idea to get him to hate hanging out with us, made a plan, and told the girls what we were going to do and they were down for it.
The girls came and my partner immediately sat with us and started ruining our conversations by steering them towards him/his work/his achievement. So here’s what I did, I started bringing up gross/embarrassing subjects and the girls were eating them up by talking about them in detail.
Subjects like intimacy, periods (his most sensitive spot), cramp diarrhea, and hairy legs. Squeezing stuff out of our faces, cramp diarrhea, dirty undergarments, and again… cramp diarrhea.
We talked about this stuff in boring details, like… I could feel his discomfort without even looking at him. But God when I turned to see why he got quiet suddenly.
He was getting red in the face, and had sweat all over his forehead, I bet he found himself unable to relate to these subjects and thus couldn’t take part in the conversation.
He got up from the couch ready to head out, I looked at him and asked where he was going and he was like ‘I just, ah… I just remembered that I have an important meeting with a guy in about 10 minutes and… ah… I have to go now’.
He rushed out telling us to have fun. The girls and I started laughing hysterically.
He came home and berated me saying I made him feel uncomfortable/sick with the horrible subjects I kept bringing. I said ‘What u talking about? This is the typical stuff girls talk about all the time’ but he insisted I made him upset and caused him to leave.
He declined to speak to me and has been quiet since then.
AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Losing Temper At A Rude Customer Over Eggs?
“I was serving tables at an IHOP for a while and on my last day (because I was moving) I took a 4 top with a dad, a mom, a daughter (9), and a son (7).
They sit down and before I can greet them I am told by the father ‘It’s way too cold in here, can’t you do something about that?’ To which I responded, ‘I can’t control the thermostat but I’ll go ask my manager, can I get you guys some drinks in the meantime?’ And he responded, ‘No we’ll wait for the temperature to be fixed’.
I walked back to my manager and told them the situation and my manager informed me we couldn’t change the temperature (it was set at 74°) because of corporate policy or whatever.
I informed the customers of this and they reluctantly gave me drink orders. I brought them drinks and took their order where the dad orders his eggs over easy (minute detail but a big problem later).
So, the 4 of them order 6 plates of food. Unfortunately, I can’t carry 6 plates in my hands like other servers can, so I brought them out 3 on the first trip and 3 on the second trip. The moment I set down the final plates before I can even ask if they would like any condiments I am asked ‘Why would you bring them out in this order?
That’s ridiculous’. Obviously, I told him, ‘There wasn’t an order I just can’t carry 6 plates at once’. And he responded, ‘Whatever, just get me ketchup’ and physically snapped at me.
At this point, I was certain I was getting 0 tip and it was my last day on the job so I didn’t care anymore.
I brought him the ketchup and started to walk away as my final interaction with them, as I was more inclined to serve my other tables when he screams at me from across the restaurant, ‘Hey you… Dude! Hey!’
I walk over, ‘What do you need,’ I said.
‘These eggs aren’t cooked all the way through’.
(looks at him like duh…) ‘How did you want them cooked?’
‘Over easy’
‘Yeah by definition over easy is not cooked all the way through bro’. (I was kinda giving him attitude at this point)
But I offered to go get him some over medium eggs and I actually did for some reason.
When I get back to the table to give him his eggs he goes, ‘Dude I’m not trying to be a jerk or anything, but like… is there something wrong with you… like… Mentally?’
I’m legit shocked I didn’t sock this dude in the face.
I promptly responded with a quick ‘Screw you.’
The daughter (9) completely oblivious to this interaction then asks, ‘Can I get some sour cream?’ To which I said ‘Definitely not,’ and I walked away.
They obviously called over my manager who comped their meal for them because she had the customer is always right philosophy and then they left and I refused to leave the kitchen, I couldn’t even look at them.
I told my manager the story and the interaction but she told me it was horrible to tell the guy ‘screw you’ in front of his two kids despite what led to me telling him that so AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Pregnant Mom To The Hospital After She Confiscated My Car Keys?
“I got into a big fight with my mom last week. My mom bought me my car last year and she pays for everything besides gas. She only bought it because I promised to use it to pick up my sister from elementary school which I do every day.
Last week as I was picking up my sister my other sister (my dad’s stepdaughter) who’s twelve called me asking if I could give her a ride from her middle school that was just up the road because her older brother couldn’t. She was crying. I said of course and picked her up.
After my sister got in the car, I dropped her off and went home.
For context, my parents had a very messy divorce and my mom doesn’t speak to my dad at all or his family and kids. She’s told me that I’m not allowed to have any of his stepkids or my half siblings (mind you they are like 4) in my car or she’ll take it back.
When we got home my little sister must have told my mom we gave her a ride because she stormed into my room screaming demanding I give her my key. I asked why and she said because I broke her rules and I let my dad’s non-biological daughter into my car (replace every word with the worst version you can think of) and I can kiss seeing my keys goodbye.
This morning she had the nerve to ask me for a ride to the hospital for her high-risk pregnancy and said we were going to take my car since hers had no gas. I said sure and she told me to go heat it up and gave them to me and I then ran into my room and hid them.
She came in and I told her I wasn’t going to take her after she made me be carless all because I gave my stepsister a ride and that I lost the keys somewhere. I had to walk back and forth to work in the snow. She got very upset and was screaming and crying and I told her that it’s karma for what she did last week.
She made my stepdad call out of work to take her and they’re both saying I’m a major jerk and that what I did is way worse. AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Mom Without My Kids And My Wife?
“I (31M) am married with two kids. One is 3 years old and the other is 1 year old. My wife and I have been married for 5 years but have been together for longer.
I am an only child and have been living out of my parents’ home since 2011.
Up until having kids, I would see my parents once every few weeks plus any special occasions. No complaints from either side though my mother has always been the type to text me on a daily basis which could get annoying depending on how much she was messaging that day.
Once we had kids however, things escalated and she began to insist, with guilt trips and anger, that we visit them at least once a week. We were opposed to this and would usually push it to visiting once every two weeks so that we could visit my wife’s parents every other weekend or at least have friends visit.
Although she resisted she seems to have learned to hold her tongue and accept that (while sneaking in occasional surprise visits on weekday evenings).
However, she has recently begun complaining because she doesn’t get to spend one on one time with me without the kids around. When I visit usually, I bring my wife and kids along.
The kids love to play with their grandparents but it does mean things are more chaotic. Conversations with my parents still happen, but sometimes, if the kids are needy, my parents end up not being able to chat with us very much.
This surfaced recently when she wanted me to go to their home after the kids are in bed to visit her and my dad alone.
They live 10 mins away and the kids are in bed by 7 so it’s possible but I’m usually exhausted most evenings and just want to relax at home. I tried explaining this to her and she responded with ‘I should have had more children, that way at least one of them would visit me every day or every second day’.
This is not the first time she complains about this so I want to know, AITJ for not visiting my parents without my kids? And for not visiting every day or every couple of days?
Edit: For as long as I can remember, she doesn’t visit her mother/parents every day.
We were a military family so we often lived out of province or, later on, out of country.”
10. AITJ For Hiding The Thermostat Because My Roommates Kept On Disobeying Our Rules?
“My roommates (a couple: 35F & 35M) moved into my apt two years ago. Before they moved into the apt we agreed on a few rules including bills being $300 a person, keeping the temperature between 65-68, no smoking in the house, etc.
During the majority of the time they have lived in the apartment, they have broken the agreed-upon rules. Like keeping the temp on 61/62 (which has a huge impact on the electric bill). They were paying their portion of the bills though, so I bought a space heater & just dealt with it.
Last summer we signed a 6-month lease because I got a partner & we have been talking about moving in together. My roommates had expressed interest in keeping the apartment, so I started preparing to move. Around Nov of last year, they fell behind on rent again with no warning or explanation.
At this point, I was starting to get frustrated with the living situation, and the apt across from me was opening up. I told them that I was planning on moving out a few months early, but that I would arrange it so that they could keep my apartment.
And deposit so that I wasn’t ‘screwing them over’. The M roommate got upset and said I was throwing them under the bus.
They told me that they had already found another apartment anyways and that it would be ready to move in on April 1st or earlier (depending on how quickly they could get deposits paid).
I offered to let them pay nothing for the next month or 2 (to get them out faster). They balked at the idea & assured me that they would at least pay $300.
At the end of the 1st month of them not paying $300, I struggled a little financially, but I also expected to do so (so I wasn’t upset).
I was upset, however, when I got the electric bill and it was over $200 because of the AC in the middle of winter.
I spoke with the F roommate about it because she was the one who decided on the temps. I explained that it was a huge financial burden (I am a teacher so $100+ extra in bills is a big deal) & that it couldn’t continue happening.
She claimed it was her husband & that she would talk to him.
2 months past that and they still haven’t paid anything in rent, continue to turn the AC down to 61/62, and the F roommate is smoking in the apartment (and claiming she isn’t).
My dog got sick (huge vet bill) so I programmed the AC on a weekly schedule (of the agreed temps of 65-68) to help cut down on the electrical bill.
They have continually overridden the system and set all the temps to 62 or lower.
I just got the electric bill and it is so high that I now have to choose between paying the bill or going to my psychiatrist. So I took the thermostat off of the wall and spoke with them again about it.
I feel ridiculous & they told me I was being childish and blowing it out of proportion. AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Not Telling My Fiancée To Change Her Outfit?
“I (34m) am getting married to Marcy (32f) in about a month. My brother Eric (36m) has 2 kids with his wife Wendy (33f). Marcy’s a high school teacher (this is relevant).
When I first met Marcy, she was very conservative. Her family originates from Egypt. She’s third generation American, but her family came from an area where it’s not acceptable to show anything ‘provocative’.
Marcy told me that she wanted to dress nicely for once. I didn’t mind. I like her the way she is and how she dresses, but it’s her body so do as you want. So Marcy and her friend Anne went out shopping.
We went out for dinner last night with Eric and Wendy.
She decided she wanted to wear one of the outfits Anne had helped her pick out. It was a fitted long sleeve white hooded shirt that was very low-cut like you could see the strap of her bra. Lace crisscrossed the chest, and the bra was black in contrast to tie it together.
Marcy is very busty (she’s 5’3 and dressed down) so obviously, my eye was drawn to that area. I thought it was very attractive and told her she should wear it. She wore it with jeans and boots.
On the way there, Marcy was talking about how nice she felt and was giddy that she was wearing something her family traditionally wouldn’t have let her.
Dinner with Eric and Wendy went well. It wasn’t upscale but not cheap. The average meal was maybe $20-$25, so we were all dressed appropriately for this place. The dinner was fine, and nothing eventful happened, but when we got home, Eric messaged me and said I should tell Marcy that her outfit was inappropriate and that I shouldn’t let her leave the house like that.
I called him, and he told me that Wendy was uncomfortable sitting across from Marcy and couldn’t enjoy her meal. Eric agreed with her. He said it was awkward that they could see her cleavage and he even said it was hard to concentrate because of her shirt.
I said I didn’t have a problem with how she dressed. I said Marcy looked nice in her shirt and that this was the first time she tried dressing out of her comfort zone.
Eric said it was weird. I said it sounded more like Wendy caught him staring at my fiancée and was either jealous of Marcy or angry at him, but neither means Marcy has to change how she dresses.
He then called me a few names, stated that ‘I would be concerned about how I looked if I worked in a school system but whatever, good night’ and hung up.
Marcy, as far as I know, has no idea this exchange happened. She was so excited to go shopping for different clothes after work today and has already sent me a couple of pictures of things she likes on Amazon asking if I think she’d look good in them.
So AITJ for not telling Marcy to change and telling her the shirt was inappropriate? I didn’t think it was. I thought she looked nice but I want to know.”
8. AITJ For Ditching My Best Friend And His Friends In Another State After They Locked Me Out Of My Trailer?
“My best friend has gotten into going to these Spartan races. He and a small group of his friends have started going to local ones but recently heard about one in another state they wanted to go to and compete in, but they didn’t have anywhere to stay.
So they asked me if they could borrow my truck and trailer (I have a tow behind the camper) for the weekend. I said no, I wasn’t comfortable with them taking my truck and trailer but that I’d drive them and the camper to their event. We made the three-hour trip and set everything up in the area where the race was taking place the next day.
I have a habit of leaving my keys on a hook next to the door to my bedroom in my camper. Remember this.
Come nightfall, I went to take a phone call outside and ended up wandering around the grounds for over an hour. When I got back to the camper, the door was locked, and I was told by my best friend’s older friend through the window that there wasn’t enough room for me in MY trailer.
So I reached for my keys to unlock the door, but realized I had left them inside the camper on the hook in my room. So I called my best friend from outside and all I was told was ‘Sorry bro, nothing I can do’. So I ended up sleeping in my truck that night, which I had fortunately left unlocked by accident.
Their race began at 8 am, and at 7, they came meandering out of the trailer and woke me up. No apology, by the way.
So while they were in their race, I hooked my truck back up to the trailer, closed and locked everything, and waited until just after they finished and started walking back to the trailer (think really wide open field).
When I saw them coming, I started the truck and drove off the property. With them chasing behind. I made the three-hour trip back home declining call after call. When I finally got home, I finally took my best friend’s call. He started yelling at me saying ‘Why would you do this?
We have no way home now’. I just said sorry, you shouldn’t have made me sleep in my truck after I did you this solid.
He told me that there were better ways to handle this than by leaving them in an unfamiliar city with no way home.
I think he ended up calling his dad to come and get them.
Is he right? Was there a better way to handle this? I felt justified until he said that. I am kinda doubting my decision now. Am I the jerk?”
7. AITJ For Refusing To Punish My Daughter Over Some Apples?
“My wife ‘Lisa’ has been sick for the past couple of weeks. Her folks came over to visit (they live in another country) and brought with them some gifts and a small bag of apples. I was in the backyard while Lisa was with her folks.
In about 30 minutes I hear my daughter ‘Alex’ (16) shouting ‘dad dad!’ from the kitchen. I head over to the kitchen and see Alex and Lisa fighting. I ask Lisa why she was yelling at Alex and she tells me that Alex took all the apples my inlaws brought from home and shared them with her friends upstairs.
I tell her Alex probably didn’t know but she tells me that she explicitly told Alex not to touch them. I ask Alex if that was true and she tells me yes but that she and her friends couldn’t find anything else edible.
Lisa goes over to the fridge and opens it saying the fridge was literally full of snacks and Alex did this just to spite her and basically ‘steal’ from her.
I tell Lisa to calm down and that I’d go get her some from the grocery store, Lisa replies that those apples are special because they were from her home country and she needed them for her recovery. She goes on to tell me Alex intended to do this and so something needs to happen, a punishment should be issued.
I tell Alex to go upstairs and Lisa and I start arguing. I refuse to punish Alex because even if what she did was intentional she’s a kid and it’s typical behavior. Lisa starts ranting about how this scenario keeps happening and I never take a stand but I reply that she’s just obsessed with having my daughter punished for some reason.
She stops arguing now and stares at me. She then walks out and goes to stay with her folks until they’ve left.
Later she avoids me and refuses to speak to me. I found this whole thing quite ridiculous because Alex is just a kid and so she acts without thinking sometimes but Lisa tends to get oversensitive and thinks everyone is out to get her or something.
I’m genuinely confused by her insistence to turn this into a huge deal.”
6. AITJ For Refusing To Pay $500 Every Week For Child Support?
“I (35M) have 4 kids.
My youngest is 6 and my oldest is 14 all to my ex-wife Clara. I have 2 girls and 2 twin boys (10). I love my kids more than life. I work full-time so my kids live with my ex although sometimes they will come to my house after school and I will drop them off the next morning on my way to work.
My kids come to my house almost every weekend except for when they stay at grandparents’ or friends’ houses.
My ex doesn’t have a very good job, she is a cashier and her partner works at KFC. I know finances are tight for them so I often send the kids home with snacks for school, I buy them most of their clothes and a lot of extra things they want, like jewelry, phones, play stations, etc.
Well the other day Clara called me asking if we could meet for lunch. As soon as I got there she got straight to the point saying she expected $500 in child support every week or she was going to take me to court. I laughed at her and she called me an arrogant deadbeat and walked out.
Although I do have a good-paying job and could pay her, it’s the principle of it. If she had just told me that finances were tight I would’ve said of course and chipped in, but seeing as though she demanded it, I don’t want to.
My eldest daughter is asking me to because she doesn’t want her mum to make sure I don’t see my kids anymore. But to be honest I don’t think she stands a chance in court. My parents and sister told me that I am a huge jerk for not only freaking out my daughter but not paying Clara when she needs it most. So AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Berating My Sister Because Of Her Comments About My Partner?
“So I (F17) about a month came into my first relationship with someone we’ll call ‘Adam’ (17). Adam is an extremely sweet, shy, and reserved person but often intimidates people because he’s 6″7, built like a Greek demigod, and very frequently trains in martial arts (I’m talking 14 – 21 hours a week in which, though I won’t go into detail, helps him deal with a lot of previous trauma), and has very poor sleep, which leads to his appearance: bags under eyes, droopy expressions, finds it hard to smile, etc (people always seem to rapidly judge him for it).
So, when he first came over about 2 weeks ago, my sister (19), already started acting a bit strange around him. Though my parents seemed to really like him, she wouldn’t stop side-eyeing him, glaring + staring at him, making strange comments about his appearance, that sort of thing. It did seem to be bothering him, so I sort of got him away from her for the rest of the stay, apologized for her behavior, and after he left talked to her about it.
She said that she was watching him because he ‘looks a bit suspicious’, so I told her that’s not on, and I can handle my own relationships thank you very much. She seemed a bit annoyed but appeared to have moved on from it.
However, 3 days ago, he came over again, and this time she just wouldn’t stop harassing him.
Every time he would speak, or even move, there would be some (negative) comment about how he wasn’t doing this right, how his preferred career isn’t good enough, how he needs to work on his appearance more, etc. He made everyone dinner (and it was b****y delicious, by the way), then cleaned all of the dishes (with no one asking him to) and she still was treating him like some parasitic worm who was leeching off our household.
She went so far as to say that, and though I don’t have any right to share that this happened to him, it’s important to my take, ‘it’s no wonder your mother left you with the way you look!’ (there was more, but I think that just about sums it up).
This just made me completely blow up on her, I yelled at her and berated her for being a conniving jerk and jealous of my happy relationship, among other things. ‘Adam’ quietly just sat there through the whole thing then got up and excused himself, and my parents are extremely mad at me and my sister for making the family look bad.
I’ve talked to ‘Adam’, and he seems to be handling it ok but says (rightfully so) that he’d rather that he no longer comes to my house.
I think I’m justified in being super mad at my sister, but wondering if I went too far in blowing up at her in front of a visitor and the things I said.
To be honest, I’m more concerned about getting aggressive and loud in front of ‘Adam’ as it can easily stress him out, for which I apologized and he said it was cool and was very happy that someone finally stuck up for him.
AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Considering My Kittens My Babies?
“I (M24) have been taking care of cats since I was 15.
I love them, I love having them around and so far I’ve been a ‘cat dad’ to over 9 cats. My significant other of 7 months likes my current cat ‘Lilly’ and treats her well however, she does comment about some ‘behaviors’ of mine that she thinks are weird. like insisting on having Lilly in bed to sleep.
Lilly recently had babies, cute little kittens. I was so happy I took a pic and posted it online with the title saying that I’m now a cat dad for these cute kittens and that they’re my babies. My post got lots of likes and reactions, but when my SO saw it she picked a fight with me calling it cringe that I constantly refer to these kittens as my babies.
She told me it’s just weird and lowkey creepy. I told her I call myself that because I’m the one taking care of them; like a parent and a child. She told me to delete the post because some of her friends saw it and were like ‘Mmm’.
I asked her to explain and she lashed out and said that I can’t call myself ‘cat dad’ and call those kittens ‘my babies’. She said that it was creepy and that unless I impregnated Lilly then I should knock it off. I was dumbfounded I said she’s being ridiculous and refused to even talk about this anymore not now not ever.
She threw a fit and then went to stay with one of her friends. Said friend wanted to talk me into just doing what my SO wants to keep the peace but I stated I did nothing that was personally offensive or harmful.
We’re still fighting about it and she keeps on about how inconsiderate I am to keep doing something I know she’s uncomfortable with.
AITJ for calling myself cat dad and my kittens my babies?”
3. AITJ For Thinking That My Sister Shouldn't Become A Mom Right Now?
“My (25F) sister (28F) ‘Mary’ and her husband (30M) ‘Jack’ started trying for a baby three years ago.
They met with an obstetrician a year ago who unfortunately informed them that Mary is infertile and her body would never be able to produce or carry a child. This was devastating news for Mary, as she has wanted to be a mother since we were children.
Luckily, this has not hurt Mary and Jack’s relationship.
They began looking into other options such as surrogacy and adoption. A big obstacle is their finances, though. Mary was able to go to college (our parents helped) and attended but later decided college wasn’t for her and left. Jack didn’t have that option and works at a grocery store.
Mary is also employed at Wendy’s at the moment but lost several jobs in the past.
Because their annual income is under $40,000 and their housing also isn’t stable at the moment, they have been denied by adoption agencies and cannot afford surrogacy. Mary and Jack recently invited me to their home and asked if I would be willing to be a surrogate.
They were unable to offer financial aid for even pre-natal care and hoped I’d do it as a favor.
I should explain that I am only about 100 lbs. When my mother was pregnant, she had hard pregnancies and needed C-sections both times. Her pregnancy with me was especially high-risk.
Doctors did not expect me nor my mother to make it. Luckily we were okay but I am scared to experience pregnancy at all and especially the risks as I am even smaller/frailer than my mother was.
I apologized but told them I wasn’t willing to be a surrogate.
Jack was clearly disappointed but told me he understood. Mary became very angry. She started to scream at me saying that I was only declining because I was jealous and was rubbing it in her face that they didn’t make enough money for a professional surrogate. This came out of nowhere to me.
She then demanded that I ‘be a good sister’ and help fund a professional surrogate. (My annual income is higher than Jack and Mary’s but I cannot afford a surrogate either.)
I tried getting Mary to calm down, which she did but still kept saying I was only refusing out of jealousy/cruelty towards her.
I, as kindly yet firmly as possible, told her, ‘Mary, I’m sorry you are unable to carry your child and it is not fair. You are allowed to be upset but it doesn’t mean you can act this way towards me. The fact is that you and Jack need to wait until you are in a financially stable state to have children.
You two are not in a position to be parents RIGHT NOW’. Emphasis on right now. Mary told me to leave and I obeyed.
Family members are (for the most part) not calling me a jerk for denying surrogacy, but for telling Mary she isn’t in a position to have a child.
They said I was digging the knife deeper than it already was. But I never even implied Mary would be a bad parent. Or Jack. I said that they weren’t ready NOW and needed to wait until they were financially in a good place. Am I just insensitive?
Edit: It’s not an option for Mary and Jack to open a foster home. They live in a one-bedroom apartment at the moment. We live in an area with a ridiculously high cost of living. Mary is able to bring home food from work and Jack gets a very small discount on certain goods from the grocery store, but they struggle to pay rent and have been evicted many times due to lack of payment (hence why I explained their housing is unstable at the moment.) On the rare occasion that they can afford to buy non-essentials, it has to come from a garage sale.
Being poor has no impact on someone’s ability to emotionally provide for their child. I have never believed otherwise. However a crucial part of being a parent is being able to meet their physical/financial needs. As I explained, Mary and Jack can barely even afford rent most months and can only get consistent meals because of their employee discounts.
I’m not even sure they could afford diapers and formula every month, much less everything else an infant with two full-time working parents needs. What I told them had nothing to do with their ability to parent a child, but with their ability to AFFORD a child AT THE MOMENT.”
2. AITJ For Not Inviting My Nephew To My Wedding?
“My fiance and I both had a discussion and both agreed that we don’t want my nephew at our wedding which will be happening in 2 months.
The reason why is that my nephew is out of control, he doesn’t listen, can’t sit still for even a minute, and is loud.
My nephew even ruined my dress, I am a fashion designer and made my own wedding dress and one day my sister came over uninvited with my nephew and niece. I invited them both in but told them all to not go in my office as I’m working on something in there (which was my dress) my nephew goes in there and cuts my dress with a pair of my fabric scissors on purpose while I was in the kitchen getting them some snacks and my niece was playing with my daughter.
My sister didn’t even make him apologize and blamed it on me for leaving my scissors in the open in a room he wasn’t even supposed to be in.
There have been many times when my nephew has been banned from events because of his behavior, my sister has a hard time even getting babysitters for him, and my nephew has even gotten suspended from school on multiple occasions, she still hasn’t done anything about his behavior.
When I told my sister she freaked out saying that if her son’s not allowed to go then she won’t be going and asked me if I was banning our brother’s son as well, she made a social media post about how I hate my nephew and I’m not inviting him to my wedding over a dress and complained to our mom.
My mom agrees with my sister and says that it’s unfair for me to invite my niece but not my nephew and that I’m gonna make my nephew feel like there is something wrong with him.
My brother agrees with me and thinks it will make my sister think about actually doing something about her son’s behavior rather than pretending like there is nothing wrong.
I know how my nephew is and I don’t want his behavior to risk a day I worked so hard in planning.
AITJ here?”
1. AITJ For Cursing At My Dad In Front Of Everyone?
“So there’s my dad and me. Dad married June. She has a son who’s like 11 now and they have a daughter who’s 7 and a son who’s 5.
My mom died when I was 6 and dad met June and married her two years after. Something Dad has always said is he’s glad the past is the past and that he can have this present. It always bothered me because at least to me it’s saying he’s glad mom died so he could remarry and have kids with his second wife.
He always claims the past made him the man he is today. He told me he does miss some things about the past but that our present is just something he wouldn’t trade for anything.
My half-siblings and stepbrother have heard this from him before too.
So the day of the incident June’s family was at our house, and they were celebrating June’s birthday and her son’s birthday.
I was in another room for a while because June’s family aren’t my favorite people in the world. At some point, my half-sister finds me and starts chattering away to me. She then tells me that she’s glad my mom died so I could be her brother.
I saw red. I went from relaxing to enraged in less than a second and I went to my dad and it was like a literal explosion.
I yelled at him in front of everyone, cursed him out, and told him that his whole glad the past is in the past, wouldn’t change anything for the world meant his kids saw my mom’s death as a good thing and I placed the blame on him.
I said my mom’s death was never going to be a good thing for me and that acting like everything is so perfect now has created such a mess. I called him a jerk. I said he disgusted me. I called him evil as well. It felt like I yelled at him for hours but it was probably only minutes.
But everyone heard. The kids. June. Her family…
And I got into so much trouble for it. I also left the kids very upset. They heard me say a lot of stuff and release a lot of anger at Dad. That seems to be the point where I am considered the bad guy.
My dad told me I need to fix things before I run out of time, while I honestly can’t look at those kids and know they feel that way. I know they’re super young but… that will always be between us and it is his fault. He’s the one who sprouted that crap and now I’m dealing with the fallout.
AITJ?”
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!