People Confess Their Wildest 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Not Inviting My Flatmates To A Christmas Dinner With My New Local Friends?
“I (single, male) recently moved to a new country and currently live with a couple who also moved here. The guy in the couple has been a long-time friend of mine, and I’m also friends with his wife. That said, living with couples as a single guy can be challenging.
They tend to exist in their own world, and I often find myself having to compromise or “promise” things to keep the balance, even though we’re all good friends. Lately, I’ve been working on being more assertive and looking out for myself.
Since moving, I’ve made an effort to build a life outside of this couple, as I know there will be times (and already have been times) when I’ll be left out of group trips or events because they ‘need couple time’ or make plans with others.
Thankfully, I’ve been pretty successful so far—I’ve met a fun group of local friends whom I frequently socialize with.
On the other hand, the couple hasn’t been as successful in building a social circle here. Being a couple, they often stick together, and my friend (the guy) has been commenting recently that he wishes they had more friends.
They do have one or two other couples (also from our home country) they are close to, and we sometimes socialize together. I also make an effort to spend time with my guy friend—suggesting concerts, dinners, drinks, etc.—so we get some ‘guy time.’ Even so, he continues to express that he’d like to expand his circle.
There was a recent Thanksgiving (Friendsgiving) dinner hosted by one of those couples. I was invited, but only because my flatmates “forgot” to include me until it was too late, so I couldn’t go. Whether they genuinely forgot or not, I’m unsure, but it definitely reinforced how they exist in their own bubble.
It was disappointing, especially because I’ve made an effort to include my flatmates—for example, I invited them to a party hosted by my new local friends.
Now, my local friends are hosting a Christmas dinner and have kindly extended the invite to my flatmates as well.
Here’s where I’m conflicted: I need to maintain a separate social life from my flatmates for my own mental well-being. Would I be the jerk if I didn’t pass along the invite, effectively keeping them from integrating with my new friends? On the flip side, my new friends might think I’m being unfair or unkind for excluding them.
I also don’t want to lie and say my flatmates are busy, as that could easily come back to bite me.
I’m really battling between trying to be a good friend and protecting my own boundaries and well-being. Would I be in the wrong for choosing not to invite them?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your feelings on the whole situation are valid and it is understandable to want to have a friend group outside of them. But the fact of the matter is that they *are* invited. You would be *withholding* the invite from them.
That’s rude and uncalled for.” PaladiinDM
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for this particular instance because they’ve been invited. You should pass that invitation along. Also, Christmas in a different country is huge and that adds extra jerk points for me for not wanting to pass along the invite.
In general, NTJ wants to build separate friendships. I just don’t think this is the right instance to insist on it.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“First off, I want to say that you’re in a very understandable position, and it’s clear you’re trying to navigate this with fairness and thoughtfulness.
It’s a tricky balance to maintain—looking out for yourself while also being considerate of the relationships you have with your flatmates. Living with couples as a single person can be uniquely challenging. While there’s no ill intent here, it’s true that couples can often exist in a “unit,” creating an unspoken dynamic where you end up feeling like a secondary participant.
You’ve done an admirable job building a separate social life—something that takes effort and intentionality, especially in a new country. That space you’ve carved out for yourself is crucial for your mental well-being, as you’ve pointed out, and it’s not something you should feel guilty about protecting.
That said, you’re also empathetic toward your flatmates’ struggles. You’ve made efforts to include them and even seek out one-on-one time with your guy friend. It seems like you’re being far more accommodating than many others might be in your shoes. Your flatmates, however, have not been as considerate in return—forgetting to invite you to Friendsgiving, for example.
While you’re unsure if it was intentional, it clearly hurt and reinforced a dynamic where you feel left out. That’s not something to ignore when considering how much energy you want to invest in further “including” them. Regarding the Christmas dinner invite, here’s the core question: do you owe them this invitation? The short answer is no. This dinner is part of the social life you’ve worked hard to cultivate, and it’s completely okay to keep this as your own space.
If your well-being relies on having a separate circle, you’re entitled to that boundary. Friendship and kindness don’t require you to sacrifice your autonomy or compromise your mental health. However, the situation gets murky because your local friends have kindly extended the invite to your flatmates.
They’ve included them, likely because they know you all live together, and perhaps they want to foster a sense of openness or community. Declining to pass the invitation along could be perceived as exclusionary—not just by your flatmates, but also by your new friends—especially if they later realize your flatmates weren’t even aware of the invite.
That’s a social minefield you’ll want to tread carefully.” User
20. AITJ For Demanding My Friend Pay For The Concert Ticket She Agreed To Buy?
“On Sunday, I went to a concert and had originally planned to go with my friend—let’s call her Lili.
I have over 18 screenshots of me asking Lili if she was still good to pay for her ticket, which was $75. I even texted her the day before, a message she read but never responded to. Looking back, there were red flags:
- She repeatedly said she ‘forgot’ the money every time I asked.
- She told me her parents wanted to talk to me, but when I checked with my mom, she said Lili’s parents hadn’t reached out.
- She stopped answering altogether.
- Still, I’ve always been the kind of person to give others the benefit of the doubt.
I thought, maybe she just hadn’t had the chance to respond or confirm.
Sunday comes around, and I’m waiting in the living room, checking my phone. I had even reminded Lili again at 3 PM, which she read. By 4 PM, she still hadn’t shown up or texted. I thought, maybe she’s running late—traffic to my house can be bad.
But at this point, I had a gut feeling she was going to ditch me.
Panicking, I started calling friends—around 30 of them—begging someone to take the extra ticket. The tickets cost $150 total, and I couldn’t afford to lose the money. Plus, I’m not allowed to go to this city alone, so I needed a friend to come with me.
I was sobbing in the kitchen, stressed and desperate, when Friend B—let’s call her Debby—finally said yes after getting permission.
On the way to the concert, I picked Debby up, and as we were sitting in the car, she casually said, “You know Lili’s on Roblox right now, right?” I was shocked and asked, “Wait, are you serious?” I checked my phone (I wasn’t driving—my mom was), and sure enough, Lili was active on Roblox and Instagram.
She had even updated her status multiple times with new songs.
At 7 PM, while Debby and I were waiting in line for the concert, Lili finally texted: “So sorry, my mom took my phone.” (Not her exact words, but close.) I thought, If your mom took your phone, how were you playing Roblox and active on Instagram all day?
It was beyond frustrating.
After the concert, I posted stories and videos on Instagram. And guess who watched every single one of them? Lili. But no phone, right?
I’m planning to confront her next Monday when I see her. I’m going to demand she pay the $75 she agreed to.
I have 18 texts as proof and the ticket itself. Am I the jerk for expecting her to pay me back? I’ll follow up after I talk to her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but seriously, good luck getting money from her. If she’s willing to burn the friendship over $75 then she’s no friend to you.
Also, if you ever do this again in the future, be kinder to yourself by giving yourself at least a two-day buffer with a hard deadline of “if you can’t get my payment by x date, I’m selling it to someone else.” That kind of stress is so awful, but it is avoidable.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But don’t waste your time confronting her. She knows she should pay, but since you guys seem young she might not even have the money (like she thought her mom was going to give it to her). Next time get the money upfront before you buy a ticket for someone.” Mchottie69
19. AITJ For Deciding To Keep My Kids In Chad Instead Of Sending Them Back To The US For School?
“I (54F) and my kids (17M and 16M) came on vacation to Chad (a country in Africa) a year ago, telling them that we would be on vacation, but before school started I made the decision to stay there because I wanted a better life for myself because I was miserable in the US, but I didn’t tell them this.
What I did tell them was that they would be staying here, and that was a week before school started. Since then, we have been getting into constant fights about the school they have been going to, which they don’t like because it didn’t offer the same opportunities as the school they went to back in the US, but I think it is better for them because it offers the ability to graduate early, but they don’t want to graduate early either.
Two weeks ago I got into a fight with the kids when both of them asked me to go back to the United States for their extracurriculars and advanced classes and I told them to ask their dad. They told me that he is not the one who decides; I am.
After a few minutes of back and forth, I called a relative to pick them up.
But what happened today is what stressed me out, as this argument was worse than the one a few weeks ago. For a few weeks now, I have been doing their renewal of their expired passports so I can send them back to do their school in the US.
Today, their passports came back to me, and my kids asked me if they could go back now. I told them that I had changed my mind and that they would not be going back to the US to finish up their school because I have a job here and my life and that I had asked my cousin to go and she said she wasn’t able to.
Both of my kids exploded on me, telling me I have every reason to drop everything and go back to the US with them, and that their education, happiness, and opportunities are more important than my happiness. I told them that while they may be upset now, they will thank me later when they realize that they have a big family here and they can build better relationships here.
They told me that I did not care about them at all and that the only thing I cared about was filling up my “delusional” dream of a perfect child because I was so obsessed with the idea of them finishing high school here early when they didn’t want to.
They then called me a jerk for not sending them back and lying to them about sending them back and they stormed off into their room.
AITJ for changing my mind and not sending them back to the US to finish their school?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for duping 16 and 17-year-old American kids to go on “vacation” to Chad when you had decided to stay there for your reasons. Part of being a parent is making sacrifices for your kids, and even if you think you’ll be happier in Chad, you don’t dupe or force your 16 and 17-year-old kids to move there.
This isn’t about them “graduating early” in Chad. I’ve been to Chad. It’s bleak. No American 16 or 17-year-old kid wants to live in Chad, where the average monthly salary is 300. Prospects in Chad are so bleak that young men from Chad risk drowning in the Mediterranean just to get to France and Spain.
You’ve done a selfish, deceitful, horrible thing.” DonnyDonnellan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And selfish as can be. They are old enough that they have established lives in the United States, and they have friends and extracurricular and…lives. Full lives. And you just picked them up and moved them to Africa without even discussing it with them??
That’s insane. You do realize they’re going to turn 18, take their passports and leave? And never speak to you again? Also, what is the big deal about them graduating “early” when they’re both so close to graduating at home?” GraveDancer40
Another User Comments:
“Major YTJ. Think about it from your kids’ perspective – they’ve suddenly been shipped to a country they barely know anything about, uprooting their existing lives, and are told that they have to stay there just because their mother feels like it. Junior and senior years are massively important in the USA, especially for getting into college.
Graduating on time with good grades is going to look a lot better than graduating early from a country whose education system works completely differently and might even affect their chances of getting into university. And this is not even factoring in the emotional aspect.
Africa and the USA have huge cultural differences, and adjusting to those along with their new school and friends is going to be overwhelming. You’re entitled to pack up and leave any time you want: but they’re not obligated to follow you.” PlanesOfRuins
18. AITJ For Asking My Stylist For My Head Measurements To Buy A Wig Elsewhere?
“I’ve been going to the same stylist for over a decade, spending over $10K on my hair, with individual appointments costing between $1K and $3K.
We’ve even hung out outside of my appointments—nothing that made me think we were ‘close friends,’ but I did feel we’d built enough trust that I could ask her for something simple, like my head measurements.
Recently, I started a new job that doesn’t allow for luxuries like $3K hair appointments.
Instead, I’ve decided to purchase my wigs and need my head measurements to order a custom piece. My stylist had previously taken these for me, so I messaged her to ask, verbatim, if she still had them. She replied, “When I need her to make me the wig.” I clarified, “I just need the measurements!” I never asked her to make me a wig.
That was a week ago. Today, I messaged again asking if she was able to find the measurements, assuming she still had them. She said she did, but asked again if I wasn’t ordering a wig from her. I replied that I needed the numbers to order a wig myself.
Her response caught me off guard. She mentioned her injuries from a car accident—which I’m aware of and sympathetic to—and said she could have someone gather the measurements for her if I was ordering from her. Since I wasn’t, she suggested I measure myself instead.
I don’t understand how sending me numbers she already has on file requires more effort than making a wig. It feels like being fitted for a bra at La Senza but only being told your size if you buy a bra from that specific salesperson.
Yes, I can take my measurements myself—and I have since then—but I’m more surprised at how someone I’ve built a personal and business relationship with is suddenly treating me like a first-time client.
This isn’t someone I barely know. We’ve talked on the phone for hours; she even called me after her car accident to update me.
I’m aware of her injuries because we’ve discussed them. She’s not bedridden or completely incapacitated—she’s been actively messaging me, even pestering me to meet for lunch to “catch up.” Naturally, she’s noticed I’ve stopped booking appointments since I can no longer afford them.
What’s frustrating is that if she had asked for a fee to share the measurements, I would’ve paid it. I value her work and have been a loyal client for years. I just can’t think of another business that would withhold measurements they’ve already taken unless you make a purchase on the spot.
AITJ for feeling this way? I’m not carrying any anger over this—I get that she’s running a business. I’m just taken aback by the shift in how she’s treating me after all this time.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – she probably feels the same ‘I thought we had a connection, now she wants to go someplace else for her services’.
Usually, a ‘professional measurement’ becomes a service they provided you, and asking for it to go and shop elsewhere, for something SHE provides, is a tiny bit tacky I think. Like a painter came into your house and created a custom paint color for your walls, and now you want to ask the formula and hire another painter to do it for you.
Sorry, you want to ‘go on your own’, you go take your measurements. However, she should have told you that, if that’s what she was feeling. Or, just given you the dang measurements.” Canadian_01
17. AITJ For Keeping Control Of My Mother's Emergency Fund Against Her Wishes?
“A bit of background. My Mother who is 63 years old has always had a poor relationship with money and finances. She has a borderline personality disorder (diagnosed by a mental health professional) and as a result, can be very impulsive with money.
She has always lived beyond her means and has never had savings. She currently has zero personal savings and nothing in a 401k. She does get a small amount of retirement from working in public schools and is eligible for social security next year (I think?).
About 5 years ago she was forced to sell our childhood home due to deferred maintenance, credit card debt, and an inability to pay her monthly bills on her income. She used what little was left after paying off her debt to put a down payment on a much cheaper house in a new city.
It was in a very rough, high-crime but historic neighborhood, and after a year or so of living there decided to sell the house and buy a small house out in the country.
She was able to net about $15k after putting a down payment on the new house in the country and settling any new debts.
We agreed that I would take the $15k to invest and keep safe as an emergency fund. The money would be used for any unexpected expenses (medical, car issues, house problems, etc.) but would otherwise be left untouched.
In the 2-3 years since I’ve had the $15k, she has had to pull out money for a few unexpected expenses and the total now sits at just over $9k.
Because she was consistently pulling money out I decided to shift the money from volatile long-term investments to a high yield savings earning 5%, which I happily pay the taxes on.
She has asked for me to return the money to her a few times in the past 2-3 years.
Usually when she’s in a low swing with her BPD and wants to spend money as a coping mechanism. She’ll call me and get extremely angry about how I’m controlling her money. These sorts of outbursts are not unique to this situation. For anyone who knows someone with BPD these sorts of episodes are expected and usually short-lived. The person seldom recalls the state of mind they were in and has difficulty discussing the episodes without getting upset.
If I state my case and give it a few days/weeks she gets over it and is glad I retained the money. Ultimately her volatile mental state makes it hard to assess what her real preference is and whether I should take seriously her requests for the money back.
My instinct is to do what I believe is best for her, regardless of her preference and its impact on our relationship. She agreed at the time she would likely ask for it back in the future and that I should do my best to resist. We already have a shaky relationship which is typical of people with BPD.
I am nearly certain that it would all be spent within a year if I sent it back to her and I think it’s worth whatever interpersonal issues may result.
Am I the jerk for continuing to control my Mom’s emergency fund against her wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean it sounds like you’re just doing what you both agreed to, right? I think as long as she’s okay with you having control over that money when she’s in her right mind, then that’s fine. If it gets to a point where even when she’s not having a breakdown she’s demanding control of the money, then you may want to reconsider.” mcq76
Another User Comments:
“It’s something you should consider speaking with her mental health professional (if she’s seeing one currently) about enacting a Durable Power of Attorney, which would handle her financial affairs. It also wouldn’t be a bad idea to consider Healthcare and HIPAA (which I recommend to EVERYONE) regardless because no one is ever promised not to end up in a situation where we can’t speak for ourselves.
A lot of states with their Health and Human Services have templates for free on their websites that you can download. Not just your mom but you should have people designated on your behalf as well. It’s not an easy job, but it’s easier than trying to bail her out later on.” NumbersGuy22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all! As a 63F who didn’t get my BPD diagnosed until I was 53 and I had squandered all my money and become disabled, you are doing the right thing! She is incredibly lucky to both have $9K, and more importantly, have someone trustworthy looking out for her best interests.
Even if I had some money, I have no one I can trust to help me, and you can’t put a price on that!” chart1961
16. AITJ For Enforcing The First Right Of Refusal Clause And Not Letting My Ex-Mother-In-Law Watch My Kids?
“I (34 F) have been engaged in a contentious divorce with my husband for going on three years now. His mom (we’ll call her Martha) and I had always had a good relationship, she stood by me throughout the years when my husband, her son, had fallen short in our marriage and with our family.
My husband never participated equally in our household and I was always exhausted trying to keep up with everything. I’m a “wear my heart on my sleeve” type of person and never kept secrets about my values or beliefs and what I wanted out of a marriage.
Looking back, I truly thought that he was the partner that I had always dreamed of and was so in love with him. It turns out that he wasn’t that person. He was content watching me do all the things he didn’t want to do, and the things that he didn’t feel he should have to.
Our marriage deteriorated and he had an affair, stating that I was making him unhappy and that he needed “more” out of life.
At first, Martha was supportive of me. She helped me find my home, handled everything, and even helped me move in and clean my new house.
While we were going through mediation, she continuously showed up for me and supported me through the process.
Everything was going well, considering the circumstances, until I retained a lawyer because I found out that Martha and my husband had taken advantage of me financially when we separated our assets.
She and my ex had screwed me out of a substantial amount of our home’s equity when we split, to the tune of 60K+. I was disgusted and hurt. I felt lied to, deceived, and angry that he was going to profit financially from destroying my family, and she had helped him and supported him in doing so.
As the divorce grew more and more unfriendly, the relationship I had once cherished with Martha turned sour. He has stated that he wants to “erase me from his family” and wants his family to have no contact with me.
We have a “first right of refusal” clause in our parenting agreement stating that if he is away overnight, or needs someone to watch the kids, he is to contact me for that opportunity first. I found out that he will be on vacation in Mexico this week and his mother was going to watch the kids during his parenting time.
I was never contacted.
I let her know that I wanted my kids for a couple of days before my weekend and that I would be picking them up after my work day. She said she was “crushed” and that she hasn’t had a chance for an overnight with them since last summer..
it was unfortunate that I would enforce that clause when the kids would be spending time with their grandparents.
I feel like this could have been worked out in a way that felt acceptable to everyone if we could have discussed it and worked out an agreement.
Asking, instead of sneaking behind my back, would have gone a long way with me. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like Martha was never your friend, and is a manipulative piece of work. She “helped” you move out – why exactly was it you moving out, and not your unfaithful husband?
She is looking to get her grandkids away from you as much as possible. She will sneak, and lie, and cry crocodile tears, and deceive and manipulate, all the while helping her son drive a wedge between you and your kids. You are NTJ for wanting to spend time with your kids.
You need to lean on that lawyer more and get his failure to follow the court order on the record. His contempt of court may help you down the line.” cchrestomathy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There was a podcast I listened to a while back talking about manipulative MILs and grandparents, and one of the guests mentioned something that has stuck with me even today.
“You are not automatically given the right to be a grandparent. You earn that title.” This 100% applies to her. If she cannot respect the mother of her grandchildren, despite her feelings towards you – which btw, I’m so sorry you’re going through this – then she has no place to be in their lives.
From one mama to the next, stay strong.” candy-jellyfish
Another User Comments:
“You are entitled to dictate who your kids do and don’t spend time with, explicitly as you pointed out. But you don’t say why you won’t let them stay. Which implies it’s to do with a personal grudge i.e. your being petty and seeking to hurt her.
Your anger towards her is reasonable. But yeah if you’re hurting someone on purpose then you’re the jerk, even if you’re the jerk. Also if your kids like their grandmother they will figure out that you are interfering with their relationship and they will resent you for it.
There is a chance you’re just shooting yourself in the foot to be petty.” Anguscablejnr
15. AITJ For Telling My Friend I'm Tired Of Hearing About Her Ex?
“I’m a 24F and I have a friend I’ll call Jan. Last year Jan got into a relationship with a mutual friend and she was head-over-heels for the guy.
They were cute and she liked them.
Long story short about 1 or 2 months later he broke up with her, it was messy. He just wasn’t ready for a relationship. He was very nonchalant about it all but Jan struggled through it. She was torn up about it all.
I’m her friend so I’d listen to her woes whenever I could. I’d hype her up, point out how her ex sucked, and treat her to a few goodies. Anything I could do to help her through it and move on. For those first few months, I’d be ok with her bringing up her ex.
How certain activities reminded her of him, how she didn’t understand what went wrong, how he’s so immature, is wrong to miss him after all the pain he caused, etc. All those times I’d listen talk about it and move on.
The issue is that it didn’t stop after the first few months.
6 months later Jan is STILL bringing him up. She’ll send me a social media profile and say things along the lines of: “He’s taller than my ex!” or “Ew I can’t see him he’s the same height” or “The datasheet good! But his voice reminded me of my ex so I can’t see him anymore..” or “how he treats me is similar to how my ex did and it makes me miss him…”.
Every time I’d talk about it with her. Jan would even say to me “Is it annoying that I keep talking about him?” I’d say no because I don’t want to sound like a jerk who won’t help out their friend. Recently I’ve started to tell her that it’s not my favorite topic to talk about, but if it’s something she needs to get off her chest I’ll let her.
It’s now almost a whole year later and she STILL brings him up. At this point, I’m tired of hearing about him. When Jan brings him up I try to brush it off and move past it like she should do.
It all boiled over a few days ago and we were playing a game online.
We were talking to a mutual online friend and she BRINGS UP HER EX. We weren’t even talking about anything similar to her “traumatic” breakup.
Honestly, I’m tired of hearing about it, but I also don’t know what to say to Jan anymore. We have traveled the same conversation paths about her ex hundreds of times at this point.
Like I don’t even know what to say to her about it that could be beneficial to her!
This is where I feel that I’m the jerk. Afterward, Jan texts me about missing her ex, how she’s sad about it, how I ignore her when she brings it up, but also how I’m the only one she feels she can talk about it all with.
I tell Jan that I’m not trying to ignore her or dismiss her feelings but I simply don’t know what to add to the conversation and that I cannot relate to the emotional turmoil that she’s felt over the situation.
Then she blocked me.
Am I the jerk for saying what I said to her after everything boiled over?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she sounds exhausting. You listened and listened and commiserated and listened and listened…. And you weren’t rude about having nothing more to add, and you would have been justified in releasing your frustration. Her blocking you was her being an idiot and cutting off her nose to spite her face.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; This is what I would do/say- I want to be there for you, and I think the best way to be there would be to help you move on; so I think we should have one final night of talking about him & start moving forward with seeing new people – it was a short time in your life that was amazing.
But think about all of the amazing opportunities you’re passing up because of this guy. Then I’d go into if you let it go & move on – don’t compare anyone with him because I’m sure there are going to be small things about every person you meet that could remind you of your ex.
That’s normal, sometimes the right person comes along at the wrong time or the wrong person comes along at the right time – at some point it will be the right person and right time. People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime – don’t try to make those people fit where they aren’t intended. That is what causes you pain and brokenness.
Try to find the lesson being sent to you through that person to build your strength and character.” MissMedusa2
14. AITJ For Asking A Classmate To Stop Talking During A Lecture?
“I (30F) have started taking a 4th-year University course and most classes have a small-ish size and have discussion-based classes rather than traditional lectures. This course is an exception as there are 30+ people enrolled and the classroom is too small to fit us all.
The lecturer(Dr. K) introduces himself, stating that he would like more discussion, however, the first half of the class is quiet and he decides to switch to the more traditional form of lecturing (talking to us).
I sit in the middle front left to hear him better as he is quiet.
In the second half, I am getting repeatedly distracted by a girl half a bench away from me, talking to her friend about something she doesn’t understand. I can see other classmates looking uncomfortable, too.
The lecturer moves to the other side of the room, and I hear even less. I missed the end part of the lecture, and since the content is mathematically dense, I got lost.
I decided to chat with her after the lecture and I mentioned to her friends that if they didn’t mind, could they either ask the lecturer/turn it into a group discussion, or talk to her friend afterward to avoid disturbing others.
She stated that she had every right to talk in a lecture and that I should not tell her what to do. Fair enough, I shouldn’t tell her what to do. I raised the issue of how it was disturbing others. I was told that since I had a problem, I should move.
I mentioned that I needed to hear the lecturer, and moving further away from the center front would not help, and perhaps her friend and she could move to the side of the room if they wanted to talk. She said that since she was there first, I should move.
Righto, how about if she had a question about the course material, to raise it with the lecturer and we have a discussion? She mentioned she didn’t want to disrupt the class with questions.
I mentioned that it is generally considered disrespectful to talk when someone else is talking, especially the lecturer.
She mentioned it wasn’t my business to tell her, and I have the problem, so I have to deal with it. Okay, fair enough.
I agreed that we had not come to a solution, so I told her I would talk to Dr. K to see if he had one.
I was thinking if he could speak louder/wear a microphone or something. She asked who was Dr. K. Well.
In speaking with Dr. K about my dilemma (my friend witnessed this all and backed me up), Dr. K mentioned that he moved away because he, himself, was getting distracted by the conversation.
He mentioned that he would bring it up if he heard it again, but he wanted to encourage discussion, too. However, he mentioned that I also have the right to learn and it was not ideal to have someone talking concurrently with him.
AITJ for asking her to not talk in the first place?
She is right in saying that I have no right to tell her what to do; it’s her choice. I just thought that perhaps she was oblivious.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were entirely in your rights to ask her not to destroy your ability to hear the lecture.
It *was* your business. She *should* have moved. She was inconsiderate, obnoxious, and entitled in her behavior and attitude. She does not, in any way, shape, or form have the right to disturb a lecture by talking, and whether she was there first or not has zero bearing on the situation she created. The professor is also at fault for allowing her to persist in her distracting conversation.” Proof_Option1386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t “tell her what to do” you made a perfectly reasonable request and this entitled, insecure jerk decided to take it personally. Instead of taking accountability, and being a polite member of society, she decided to be a self-centered jerk.
She is 100% in the wrong, and you’re justified in making your request for this absolute baboon of a human to act like someone who wasn’t raised in a barn.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Not Redistributing My Aunt's Inheritance As My Uncle Wanted?
“It’s been a rough two years for my family. My (35) Nan passed away 8 months before my aunt (on mum’s side) and then just under two weeks later my other aunt JP (dad’s side).
Both unexpectedly, both (along with Nan) pillar people in my and my sister’s (32) lives.
Our uncle Charles (JP’s brother) has had a strained relationship with the family as a result of his behavior towards my late Nan and has distanced himself over the years.
My sister and I have always acted as a bridge and done our best to mend the gap, which has often meant sweeping our anger under the rug for the sake of attempting to reunite the family unit.
Charles inherited money when our Nan passed away (as did my cousins).
Charles appeared to do a 360 after Nan died and showed up for the family- we had drinks after the funeral and they hosted dinner for the first time in over a decade. Charles and his family live in the flat above my late Nan and JP.
He was even at JP’s side when she died having battled a short illness, while we were overseas.
Here comes the problem- JP didn’t include many people in her will. JP’s sister, her best friend, and two of her mate’s kids inherited a small amount of spending money, our cousin Charles’ss daughter) inherited her car and the majority went to my sister and I (who JP saw as the closest thing to her having children).
My sister and I decided to share our inheritance because we didn’t want anything standing in between us and we both had just as close a relationship with JP as one another.
Charles found out about this and asked us to consider how much our cousins (his kids) would get.
We gave it a lot of thought but neither of us felt comfortable fundamentally changing JP’s will. We felt it wasn’t our place to decide who gets what and that sharing with each other as sisters is different from redistributing the will. I should mention, that Charles is the only person JP confided in before she passed about what she was going to do in her will and he said nothing at the time.
Also, his daughter is the third highest beneficiary after my sister and I.
As a result of us saying we were not going to change JP’s will, Charles and his partner sent my sister and me a string of nasty messages, following which they cut us out of their lives.
Charles has also said no one who supports my sister and me in our decision is welcome in their lives.
I’ve always had an incredibly close relationship with my younger cousins and although Charles’ son initially messaged saying that he didn’t want the drama to affect our generation’s relationship, he has now gone quiet.
I love my cousins and I’m devastated that Charles and his partner have cut us out for the sake of money. But I am angry that Charles has tried to bully us and am stunned that he clearly views our relationship as purely transactional. I should also mention, that this isn’t a life-changing amount of money.
So, are my sister and I the jerks for not throwing out my aunt’s last will?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is very interesting: 1- Charles didn’t address this with JP. He probably knew he’d be rejected 2- Charles did wait until JP was gone and no longer able to express her wishes, to ask you 3- When he didn’t get his way, against JP’s will, he no longer had any desire to associate with you, or to even be civil 4- He insists on spreading the hate.
These are all good reasons to stick with your decision. I’m sorry for your loss, OP. It’s good you and your sister are aligned.” jeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Charles is a hypocrite, too, if he didn’t share some of his inheritance from your Nan with you and your sister.
It sounds like Charles is an interesting character to deal with if he doesn’t get his way. JP left you two money that she wanted you to have. Full stop. For you to knuckle under to Charles would, in my view, be disrespectful to her and unappreciative of the way she chose to demonstrate her love for you and your sister.” felice60
12. AITJ For Giving My Sister Honest Fashion Advice She Asked For?
“I (20F) was asked by my younger sister (16F) to take her to the gym. Before we left, I saw that she was wearing some pajama pants. I asked if she was wearing those to the gym and told her she would probably be hot and that they weren’t appropriate to wear there.
My mother chimed in and told her it was fine and to just wear them. In the car, my sister asked me if I thought she looked like a bum, and I said “No it’s fine”. She says “Just give me your honest opinion”.
So I told her that yes, I do think it’s bummy to wear pajama pants to the gym.
Now I probably wouldn’t have said anything further, but just the other day she was asking me why I never said anything when she was going through a phase of wearing the same dirty sweatpants, wrinkly t-shirts, and torn-up sneakers to school every day.
She is in high school now, and I know how mean high school kids can be. I was bullied in elementary school for that kinda thing and of course, I don’t want her to experience something similar. She always asks for my advice on clothes and makeup, so I know she values my opinion.
I told her (in a sisterly way) that I would be looking at someone weirdly if they were wearing pj’s at the gym. She responds “I think you care too much about things like that.” I say that appearances and impressions are everything in public places where people only see you and don’t get to speak to you.
This is also a gym that many people we know go to.
She then tells me that she doesn’t want to go anymore and to turn around. I said, If you don’t care what others think then it doesn’t matter and it’s fine, just go to the gym”.
She said I made her feel insecure, and I offered to go back home and let her borrow some athletic leggings since she told me she didn’t have any. She said no because she had already told her friend (who was already at the gym) that she wasn’t coming anymore.
I tried to convince her to go, but she still didn’t want to, so I took her home. She then told my mom and they started bad-mouthing me, with my mother saying I “got off” on making her feel bad about herself and that I’m a hateful and rude person, while my mother purposely spoke loudly to make sure I would hear her calling some of my hobbies weird and telling my sister to just “use me for rides to places” and other than that “forget her (me)” (biggest hypocrite I know, because isn’t that a perfect example of her getting off on making me feel bad and tearing me down to build my sister up?)
It made me angry that my mother is telling her not to care what others think, but uses insults and hateful comments about our appearance or physical traits anytime she’s mad (very emotionally abusive).
Of course, I feel bad for upsetting my sister, but I don’t think it warrants her and my mother (mainly my mother) talking badly about me after I just gave my honest opinion/advice that she asked for.
I meant it with good intentions, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked for an honest opinion and you gave it to her. You said she values your opinion. You could have another talk with her, away from your narcissistic mother, and tell her that you would never steer her in the wrong direction with any advice you give her.
Let her know that you were bullied in grade school so you know how mean people can be. That could be a connecting point for you two.” MoetNChandon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked for your honest opinion, and you gave it. Considering your sisters and have already had similar conversations before, it’s dumb that this wasn’t hashed out before you were both already on your way.
Your mother sounds toxic though, and I hope you both find separate accommodations and a chance to heal from her poison.” Forward_Scheme5033
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Adjust Utility Bill Split Based On Time Spent At Home?
“So I (20f) live with three other flatmates and recently have been arguing about how to split our utility bill. Three of us (including me) work a regular 9 to 5 from home or are university students while John (24m) works 5 to 6 days a week at a restaurant.
His shifts and commute are very long so when he gets home there are only 3/4 hours left before he goes to sleep.
Our utility bill is based on our consumption and can vary. Before moving in we all agreed to split our utility bill into 4 equal shares and be reasonable with our energy use to keep costs low for everyone.
However, we always have been flexible and accommodating to not make people pay if they are on holiday and don’t contribute towards bills. John moved in last. He knew of this agreement and that the three of us were home most of the time.
He never raised this as an issue for the past few months we have been living together.
Now he seems to struggle financially. John told us that he couldn’t afford bills or to eat and would be at his partner’s house for an entire week to save money and promised to shut everything off in his room.
We agreed that he could skip payment for the week that he was gone. However, without saying anything John still came back home as usual (so being home for 3 hours a day and the entire weekend) with the only difference of not sleeping in the flat.
I was a bit annoyed because I felt like he lied or distorted reality. I decided to not bring it up since it seemed to be a one-off. However, this week John asked to pay around 30% less than everyone else since he is home so little and doesn’t cook.
Everyone seemed ok with this but I strongly disagreed since I didn’t want this to become a regular thing. I earn less than John and I am not in the financial position to make up for someone else’s share. I argued that there are daily costs (standard service charge, fridge, heating the flat) that still apply no matter how much time he spends at home and should be shared. He got defensive very quickly and said it is unfair since I am actively in the flat while he isn’t – meaning I cook once a day, use the kettle, use lights, and charge my laptop more often.
I don’t think those are valid points since he for instance showers 30 minutes to an hour while my showers only last 5-10 minutes. Our argument got heated and petty.
Everyone took offense when I said that I don’t care if people are struggling but we are still responsible for paying our share and can’t expect others to make up for it.
I regret my choice of words given his financial struggles but still don’t think his paying less is ok. I know that splitting bills 4 ways probably doesn’t 100% reflect our actual usage but that’s impossible to determine and at the end of the day what we agreed on.
Am I being unreasonable? All my other flatmates think the amount of money we are fighting over is insignificant and John’s energy use is objectively the lowest so he “deserves” a discount…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve never heard of splitting a utility bill according to theoretical usage.
Split it evenly 4 ways and end the squabble. Everyone who rents expects to share the cost equally and it’s just easier. People don’t prorate rent based on how many hours they are home, and utilities should be the same.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Johns is a snake playing games like this.
He should be splitting it even 4 ways. This “time spent” at the place is irrelevant. It’s nonsense in its purest form. You’re right about daily charges like service fees, and costs to keep the appliances running and such.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Most of the energy bill comes from heating/cooling and large appliances, like a refrigerator, that need to be plugged in at all times. If you unplugged everything in your home except the stuff that has to stay on (frig) and only used heating/cooling, your power bill would be so very close to what it would be with the lights and computer plugged in.
And for heating/cooling, therareis only manyuch of those costs that you can control or lower. Sure he doesn’t benefit from the heat being on when he isn’t home, but the heat has to be on when he isn’t home so he doesn’t freeze when he is.
It isn’t cost-effective to have the heat off and turn it on only when people are home- my point is that when he comes home even for 3 hours, he isn’t freezing and that’s because the heat is on when he isn’t home too. I think you can apologize for your framing of the issue, but affirm that splitting the bill based on who is home when is difficult, will constantly change, and won’t change the bill that much.
Maybe if your roommate wants to keep everything unplugged and you recognize he isn’t home as much as everyone else, you can agree to a flat discount- like $10-15 off each month. Trying to calculate how much each person is home and split a bill seems difficult and takes time, and doesn’t factor in that some costs are fixed (frig) regardless of who is home.” fruitfly
10. AITJ For Confronting My Fiancé And His Family About Their Disrespectful Behavior?
“My fiancé (20M) and I (21F) have reluctantly lived with his family since 2020 when we were 17. His family included MIL, Amber, youngest BIL, Matt (19M), and my fiancé, James. I helped their mom gain the courage to leave her abusive ex-husband, and we moved in together.
But then I noticed Matt treating me poorly, slamming doors in my face, ignoring me, and making rude comments. He even talked badly about me to his mom while I was nearby. I allowed him to do those things to please him and keep our friendship.
I would go to James’s room and cry about it, but James and Amber brushed it off as Matt being moody and told me to move on. Things escalated when he talked badly about me to his mom, literally 5 feet away. All the emotions I buried came to the surface and I confronted his mom about what he said.
She denied he said anything and defended him as usual. This led to a big fight with everyone in the house, and James called me crazy for reacting. I left but returned a few days later. Fast forward to a month ago, Matt has not spoken to me in 10 months but I still overhear him talking badly about me when he thinks I’m asleep.
Since the fight, I’ve discovered his mom secretly meeting with him to talk badly about me, all while pretending to be friendly because she is unaware that I’m aware. This has been going on for months, similar to the last fight. When I informed James about it, he said he talked to them but they’re never gonna change and should worry about moving out.
I vented to James about catching Matt talking badly about me to his mom on the phone and Amber acting like we’re friends but then talking badly with Matt. James comforted me while I cried. Then I left for my sister’s place, only to find out that Matt had listened at our door on our conversation and twisted it up and said I said something awful about his mother.
“And James, how could you allow someone to insult your mom like that?” (without specifying any specific remarks, just constantly repeating that).
When James tried to explain to Amber what was said, Matt kept interrupting him and claimed that I brainwashed James, causing Amber to believe him and act as the victim.
So I decided to stay at my sister’s house after James informed me about the situation, and I expressed my initial reluctance to marry into a family like this (though I later took it back as it wasn’t James’s fault his family was like this).
When I came back, I didn’t speak to Amber for a week and began to hate Matt. Before I simply disliked him for his treatment of me but now I look at him with disgust. Despite James’ continuous pleas for me to reconcile with his mom, I eventually gave in.
However, Matt is now annoying me by purposefully separating my belongings from everyone else’s – relocating dishes, piling their stuff on top of mine in the fridge, and kicking my shoes away from the shoe rack. AITJ for addressing these recent petty annoyances to Amber and James?
Or should I let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“This sounds very complicated. You are effectively one of your MIL’s children, but you seem to either act or expect to be treated like her equal given your intervention in her relationship. I do not understand what is going on here with this dynamic, but I think it is time for you and James to get your own place.
It sounds like you have overstayed your welcome in their home so you gotta go, and it would make sense for James to go with you. ESH” KartlindWitch
Another User Comments:
“ESH. They’re not nice for doing this to you, to their face. But to their credit, I always am impressed with people who can shamelessly talk badly in front of the person.
You’re a jerk to yourself for staying this long. You’ve watched this happening for 10+ months now and you keep going back to the situation and expecting it to change. As Albert Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” They aren’t going to change.
James doesn’t care and enjoys the status quo and wants you to suck it up. This IS what your life will be like when you get married. I wouldn’t stay. You have a partner who doesn’t view you as a team and allows this to continue.
His family is HIS business to confront. I would never allow anyone to speak about my partner that way to my face. I also don’t think it’s your place to police them. You don’t like it? You can LEAVE. Why do you keep coming back?” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“You have tried talking to both Amber and James before and it hasn’t helped. Amber is not going to act against her son. James has comforted you but hasn’t acted decisively to help. Matt is not going to change. I’d not be surprised if he escalated. You need to leave permanently.
Make it clear you will not be going back. Give James the choice of being with you, moving in together, beginning your lives together properly, and free of their toxicity. If he refuses and demands you continue to live where you are not wanted, then you know you are not his priority.
You deserve better. NTJ” Guernicus
9. AITJ For Considering Telling My Partner He Was Called 'Creepy' At The Beauty School?
“I (F24) have been with my partner (M24) for over two years, and he’s never given me any reason to think he’d give someone “weird” vibes. He’s a naturally talkative and friendly person—his jobs have always been customer-oriented, so he’s used to striking up conversations.
He’ll chat with anyone: barbers, customers, people in line at Chick-fil-A—anyone who’ll talk to him, he’ll happily talk to.
Today, though, something happened that made me question how he might come across to others. We both went to a beauty school—me for a trim, him to get his hair braided. I got in before him, and while I was in the chair, another hairdresser-in-training walked up to the girl cutting my hair.
She didn’t know we came in together and said, “That dude came in a while ago to get braids, but I don’t want to do them again. I think he’s creepy.”
My heart started pounding. My hairdresser asked her why, and she said that last time, he talked a lot and asked the girls if men often get “weird” in the salon.
She said she didn’t know how to respond, so she just laughed it off. But apparently, he also kept saying he felt “pampered” because multiple girls were helping out, and it gave her the ick. She remembered it well enough to refuse service again.
My hairdresser shrugged it off and said, “That’s kinda out of pocket, but not the worst thing we hear, to be honest,” and the other girl agreed but still insisted it was too uncomfortable for her to braid his hair again.
I can’t stop thinking about it.
On one hand, I don’t personally find what he said that weird—he probably thought he was just being friendly or funny—but the fact that she felt creeped out enough to refuse him makes me wonder if I should bring it up. I don’t believe for a second that he’d intentionally make someone uncomfortable, especially someone providing a service for him.
But if this is happening elsewhere, maybe he’d want to know.
At the same time, I don’t want to hurt his feelings or “dim his sparkle,” so to speak. He’s outgoing and kind, and I’d hate to make him self-conscious if this was just a one-off misunderstanding or her reading too much into it.
So, WIBTJ if I brought this up and asked him to tone it down a bit? Or WIBTJ if I chose not to say anything at all?”
Another User Comments:
“If she is going to be a hairdresser she needs to learn to work with all kinds of personalities.
Creepy people get their hair done too. I would not burden your bf with her weirdness. Nothing he did was creepy and even if it made her uncomfortable, that’s the business of working in an industry where you spend time with a person on personal care.
Do not tell your bf what you heard. It’s embarrassing and has no basis.” hoping to thrive.
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here You love your partner and see him as a kind, outgoing, lovely person. She sees him as an overly talkative, weird vibes-giving dude.
That’s life. She is allowed to have her feelings. Her thinking he’s creepy doesn’t make him a creep. Why tell your partner anything if this is the first instance you’ve ever encountered this? It’s an issue for this woman, not your bf. All he would know is that he never has this same person again doing his services.
That said if this happens repeatedly that he makes people uncomfortable and it causes issues in your day-to-day lives then say something.” Laines_Ecossaises
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – In many cases ‘being creepy’ can be in the eye of the beholder and in this case only one hairdresser.
So I wouldn’t put too much into it than that. Some people who are outgoing and easy in their demeanor can come across as ‘creepy’ to those who are more reserved themselves. Yeah to do so may dim his sparkle so I wouldn’t mention it to BF unless, of course, you think he is being creepy.
LOL.” Mustng1966
8. AITJ For Being Upset About My Cousin's Unfulfilled Will And Inheritance Drama?
“I (61F) lost my cousin Brenda (60) in Nov. Our mothers were identical twins, extremely close, and our relationship was more like sisters than cousins. Brenda never married/had children, and her brother Ben and his husband John lived in a city 2 hours from our small town but rarely visited. While Brenda and Ben were close at one point, Brenda developed a strong dislike for John and felt he was conniving, domineering with Ben, pursued him for his wealth, and overstepped with family/estate matters when my uncle was terminally ill in 2009.
After my aunt passed in 2005, despite my uncle still living, Ben took jewelry from her jewelry box without permission because he gifted it to her years ago and felt he was entitled to it. This led to fallout, and he was made to return it.
He was originally to serve as the executor of my uncle’s will, but whatever he had drawn up and had Brenda sign raised concerns for my uncle, and he told her at one point “I see I need to make some changes here before you end up on the street.” He drew a new will naming them co-executors and divided the estate 50/50.
Ben was unaware of this change before my uncle’s death and was enraged by the discovery. This led to a heated argument in which he referred to Brenda as a “freeloader” for still living at home despite splitting expenses with their parents and serving as their primary caregiver near the end of their lives, with Ben minimally involved. Ben made Brenda buy his half of the house to continue living there and the estate was settled.
After this, Brenda informed me/several family members that I was to be the executor of her will. She was a notorious procrastinator and discussed it often, but never took steps to address it. After she asked about the process again last spring, I suggested that she and a paralegal we both knew who would be attending our July 4th party could discuss the matter there.
She dictated her wishes to her, who compiled the will on her laptop that day with the plan to email it to me so I could print it and give it to Brenda since she didn’t own a computer. She always told me I was to receive her jewelry as I was her closest female relative, but informed me that she wanted to leave her house and half of her wealth to me as well, with the rest to go to Ben, and was adamant she didn’t want her home to end up in John’s possession.
We didn’t discuss it again until Sept. when she told me that she was waiting for the transfer upon death deed to be processed to sign everything together. Unfortunately, she passed before this was completed and Ben found her will, unsigned, in her house. When I broached the topic, he erupted, told me I stepped on his soul and accused me of planting Brenda’s will in her house the day she died. He honored none of her wishes, cleaned out/listed her house within 6 weeks, kept all of her wealth, and distributed her jewelry to others.
I felt like they had unresolved issues and I was dragged into the middle and left holding the bag…”
Another User Comments:
“This isn’t a relationship advice sub. Ben wanted his half-house inheritance as was his right, either by selling it to Brenda or selling it to a third party.
He did nothing wrong there. Brenda didn’t have a valid will, which means her wishes weren’t made legal and the laws of wherever you live determine who inherited. You seemed to drag yourself in, being annoyed Brenda didn’t get the full house she inherited only half of and annoyed her wishes weren’t met despite her not making them legal. Stay out of it and there’d be no bad to be left holding, you aren’t involved in any of it.
YTJ.” Ok-Raspberry7884
Another User Comments:
“Being a jerk or not a jerk doesn’t matter in a legal matter like this. He sounds like a jerk, but of course, he would because you paint him that way. He’s abiding by the current enforceable will. You had the idea of a new will in your favor, but it was never signed, so it’s not real. If I were in his shoes and had a legally signed will say one thing and some family member came up to me after someone did say that they were verbally told they would get X, I’d probably ignore the request too.
No jerks here” Jacked-to-the-wits
7. AITJ For Losing My Temper With My Cousin Who Disrupted My Quiet Lifestyle?
“I don’t have any roommates and never see myself having any, as long as I can afford it. So, when my cousin asked if he could stay with me for a while, I was a bit reluctant at first. I’ll admit, I am a pretty particular person; that’s one of the main reasons I prefer living alone.
I have routines and live a generally quiet lifestyle, and I get very overwhelmed when I can’t maintain that, especially at home. He explained that it would only be for a short time while he got back on his feet. He is willing to help with rent and also to provide his share of food.
Since I have an extra bedroom already set up for guests, I agreed under those conditions.
He moved in yesterday and brought a lot of food with him. Despite my initial reluctance, I was fairly optimistic. However, after a few hours, I noticed a heavy smell of booze; he had been drinking since he arrived. This led to him playing music and wanting to jam out for a while, which I didn’t have a problem with at that point.
Eventually, I had to ask him to turn off the music because it was getting late, and I needed to sleep soon. He started making phone calls, and during one, I overheard him say, ‘Well, come over then, I’ve got a place we can get messed up.’ Upon hearing this, I abruptly interrupted, ‘No one is coming over here, especially not to get messed up.’ At this point, I was getting frustrated; I needed to sleep and was now worried about people coming into my house.
I did manage to go to sleep after noticing that he had passed out on my couch.
Now this is where I question if I was being unreasonable or not. My bedroom is right below my living room, so I already knew it might be a bit louder having someone with me.
What I did not expect was just how loud and obnoxious it would be. When I went to bed he was asleep, but shortly after it sounded like someone was stomping around upstairs. Then came the talking; I’m not sure who he was talking to, or if he was just talking to himself, but I could hear every word.
I lay there trying to sleep for what felt like an eternity until I decided to finally check my phone. 1:00 am. When I saw that, something immediately flipped in my brain, and I lost it. I went upstairs and immediately lost my temper with him and started yelling, ‘I swear to God, if you don’t stop whatever you are doing right now, you are out of this house.
If this happens one more time—you’re gone.’ I went off like this for about 2 minutes and finally told him, ‘I made your bed; the least you can do is sleep in it,’ before I went back downstairs and tried to sleep again.
This morning I’m sitting here wondering if perhaps I was a bit too harsh. He was a pretty heavy drinker but seemed receptive and did go straight to bed after I got angry. He woke up this morning and apologized to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He doesn’t see your place as a refuge to get back on his feet, he sees your place as a party pad to get messed up in. The minute you aren’t watching, that’s exactly what it will become. If you’re feeling generous, give him a week to find another place, with the clear understanding that it will be “leave immediately” if anyone gets invited over, or he interrupts your sleep.
And under no circumstances allow him to stay longer or he could try to claim tenancy.” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ his behavior is selfish and unacceptable and he needs to hear what you said. It would have been bad for you to have not spoken up. This guy has issues and he’s making them your issues. The longer he stays the worse it will get.
Unless you see clear immediate signs of improvement (it sounds like you won’t) you need to get him out sooner rather than later. ” Kind_Regular_3207
6. AITJ For Using An Old Test As A Study Guide For My Makeup Exam?
“Last week, I took a math quiz and, in my opinion, performed exceptionally well for someone who is not great at math.
For context, all test-takers in Ms. Jingles’ class are allowed a notecard during their tests, where they can include formulas, problems from the study guide, practice problems, etc. I was absent for the initial test day, and the teacher granted me two extensions. On the first day of the extension, I couldn’t take the test because my friend couldn’t get a ride home, and she insisted I drive them.
On the second makeup day, Ms. Jingles made an entirely new test for me, borrowing problems from the old test but changing the numbers so it wasn’t the same. This was in the same format as some of the study guides and tests. The study guide was essentially the same as the test, with only different numbers, and some of the answers were even the same.
This carried into my rationale for what I did next.
I borrowed the older version of the test from my friend Peter, who was not in my class but had already taken it, and copied the problems down onto the notecard. I simply thought this was acceptable, considering the test was essentially the same as the study guides, and I was copying problems from that.
Later that day, I showed Ms. Jingles my notecard, and she approved it, but I guess she didn’t look hard enough. She then made me go down to the teacher’s lounge and take it while she had a meeting, constantly watching me.
The next day, the dean, Mr. Howard, talked to me about how Ms. Jingles told him I had been dishonest on the math test. I explained that I thought I was using the resources available because using an old test was similar to using the study guides, which were always in the same format but with different numbers.
I learned that the teacher tried to accuse my friend in the class, Gavin, of helping me be dishonest, even though he had nothing to do with it, and it wasn’t him. Ms. Jingles told me I should tell her, but I said I’d rather take a 0 than tell her who I got the old test from (Peter).
Later that same day, I had Ms. Jingles’ class. In class, she began by asking the class about hypothetical scenarios on what being dishonest was, without directly asking if it was being dishonest or not and what the consequences should be. It was clearly about me, even being very specific.
She asked questions like:
1. “Would it be rude if someone got an extension and was dishonest?”
2. “Is it being dishonest if someone uses an old test?”
The class knew it was about me too, and they gave mixed answers, which made me even more upset.
I was going to talk it out with Ms. Jingles after class, but if she wasn’t going to face me and talk about it head-on, instead going to the dean first and not talking to me, being the adult she is, then I felt I shouldn’t either.
Although I did later that day, but not right after class as I felt I should’ve. I apologized kind of half-heartedly.
So, AITJ for being “dishonest”?”
Another User Comments:
“Not at all, this was a miscommunication. And if the teacher gave you the green light on the notecard then you’re in the clear.
Maybe talking it over with the teacher and a vice principal would be good. The teacher sounds like a jerk to me tbh” Emykinz725.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You used the resources available to you. This was why she wrote you a new test (and it is on her if she chooses to take the lazy option and keep the test largely the same – when I write a new test it is a very different test to the original).
As an example: at university, I had a lecturer who had used the same exam every year for a decade. We had access to the old exams, along with their marking schemes. I noticed that the exam was the same year after year, and when I talked to his PhD students they said he would do the same.
So I got a copy of the old answers, memorized them and aced the exam. No one else did this (they had the same access to old exams and the PhD students as I did) so I threw the curve. I used my resources to do this.” Humble_Scarcity1195
Another User Comments:
“ESH. you, for being dishonest. You used materials not known to previous test takers to do well. You can say “But she approved my notecard!” or “Technically nothing on the notecard *wasn’t* allowed!” but that is being deliberately obtuse. Your teacher is a jerk for posing hypothetical questions to the class while it was obvious it was referring to you.
That was unprofessional. She is absolutely justified in punishing your academic dishonesty, though.” emototheextremeo
5. AITJ For Putting My Daughter's Porcelain Dolls In Storage To Stop Her From Scaring Her Siblings?
“My daughter, 14, collects porcelain dolls; they are creepy. I don’t understand it but they make her happy. I have two younger kids, 12 and 9. They dislike these dolls but she is told to keep them in her room mostly and not leave them in the common areas.
It’s summer and all the kids are home.
She thinks it is fun to leave the dolls around and scare her siblings. When we were on a date night, she showed them Annabelle so now the two younger ones are even more scared of dolls.
She is moving them around the house, hiding them in areas, and more. We have talked with her and grounded her before. She hid the doll in the shower and the 12-year-old lost it and threw it, cracking the doll. We dealt with that situation and she stopped doing it for a bit.
Today my youngest had soccer practice and she hid the doll in her sports bag. Well, she saw it and started crying. I got her to calm down and she didn’t do practice today. We have talked about it so many times and she can’t torment her siblings.
So, I took them and they are in our storage unit and she is not getting them back for a while. She was crying the whole time I had her pack them up and my wife thinks I am going too far and I’m a jerk but she can’t torment her siblings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if she kept the dolls in her room, you would have been at fault. But she’s actively scaring the kids and refusing to listen to reason, so I don’t see why you shouldn’t put them in storage until she learns not to scare her siblings.” bl00d_luster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You did what was best for your other children because she was actively scaring them and even enjoying it. Since you did talk to her about why what she was doing was wrong, but she still kept doing it, you did the right thing by taking away the dolls.
Once she understands the gravity of her actions however she should have them back since they are so important to her.” Few_Mongoose9522
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She’s consciously traumatizing her siblings and getting a kick out of it. This is good parenting. From what you wrote you took the steps required, had the talks, grounded them, and when they didn’t change their behavior took appropriate action.
This is a lesson in consequences, and she’s at an age where if you allow her to get away with this kind of behavior, then she’s going to keep doing it and potentially become a spoilt and entitled kid. Your wife needs to harden up and get on board otherwise your kids who are soon reaching their terrible teen years are going to pit you against one another.” Violets
4. AITJ For Yelling At My ADHD Kids During A Chaotic Morning?
“I (35F) have 4 kids of the age 2F, 8F, 8M and 11M. All of my kids except for the toddler have been diagnosed with ADHD, and she probably has it too, because it runs in my husband’s family. It was a very chaotic Monday morning and I was trying to get my kids to school/daycare.
The twins were fighting, the toddler was throwing her breakfast everywhere, and my tween sat in his room refusing to do as I said. After separating the twins I went up to my youngest’s room to change her clothes the third time that morning.
As I’m changing my crying toddler’s clothes my oldest bursts in complaining that he can’t find his headphones and shortly after the twins come into the room fighting over god knows what.
I snap and yell at them to shut the heck up. Even the toddler shut up for a short second because my yell was so riveting. My older kids left the room and now I only had the toddler to deal with. But one of them must have told my husband because later that day I got a thousand text messages from him telling me I had no right to yell at them and that their ADHD can often cause anger, bad memory, etc. They that they were only trying to get some help from me.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“My mom started screaming at me to shut the heck up before I was even in middle school. We don’t have a relationship because I don’t like being screamed at by a crazy lady. It’s a slippery slope, OP.
I’m not judging you as a parent, but YTJ for screaming profanities at your children in this instance.” pennywhistlesmoonpie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I understand, you felt overwhelmed, but yelling obscenities at your children is wrong. It may have stunned them into momentary quiet, but it also harmed their trust in you, as their mother, caretaker, and safe person.
It’s up to you to set boundaries without using verbal violence.” neoncactusfields
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s one thing to be overwhelmed and another to yell “shut the heck up” at your children. Yelling and swearing at your kids is abusive. You are the adult.
You need to remove yourself from the situation for a moment if you are so overwhelmed, but yelling and swearing is so not okay” poweller65
3. AITJ For Snapping At My Brother Over His Criticism Of My Parenting?
“I (48F) have 2 brothers who are 53 and 47. My younger brother and I share a father, but my older brother and I only have the same mother and we didn’t live together when I was growing up.
He did however live with my mother and father from the time he graduated high school, as his biological father kicked him out, until he was in his 40s. We’ve never been close and I’ve cut contact with him many times in my life as he tends to be really belittling and verbally abusive towards my family and my other brother.
My mother passed away when I was in high school and my father passed away in 2015, and I cut all contact with him afterward until recently.
My brother has a daughter who is 11. She and I have never been close, and I don’t know her mother very well.
She and my brother aren’t very financially well off and in the past, I tried to help them as I could, however, they were never grateful for it so eventually I stopped.
My husband and I have 2 kids, a 24-year-old daughter and a 21-year-old son.
They both currently live with us while they finish school. My daughter is set to finish her master’s degree after this semester, and my son is on track to earn his bachelor’s. They both attended community college for the first 2 years (which is free in our state) and worked full-time during that period to save up money.
My son is still working full time in retail and my daughter is working as an assistant in her field. My son is currently paying for half of his tuition and my daughter did until she earned her bachelor’s. She didn’t have enough saved for tuition for her master’s, so my husband and I are paying for that in full (as well as the other half of my son’s tuition).
My brother reached back out to me and we’ve been back in contact for almost a year. During that time what we’ve been fighting about most often is the fact that my kids (more so my daughter) still live with us and that I’m paying my daughter’s tuition.
He told me that I should’ve made her take out student loans “like everyone else” and kicked her out since that’s what my father did. I’ve told him that was different as he was much older than my daughter was when he kicked him out, wasn’t in school and he had already had his daughter by that point.
I had another argument with him about it this morning and he commented on how my daughter was “too dependent on me and needed to fly” I snapped and told him that he should worry about his daughter who is in middle school and can’t multiply before he worries about my kids who have degrees.
He started cussing me out after that and I got overwhelmed and hung up.
My husband and younger brother agreed with me but my husband told me I didn’t have to bring up my niece’s problems with school and I feel like the whole argument escalated quickly and I wasn’t thinking.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Didn’t he live with your mother and dad (his stepdad) until he was in his 40s?? I think retrying for a relationship with him was the wrong idea. He insulted your kids and yourself. Honestly, why do you even bother with this guy?” svdw_nyxoxo
Another User Comments:
“ESH You’re fighting fire with fire and that’s never going to resolve anything. Your brother has been in and out of your life, you put boundaries in place and then remove them. Time to set firm boundaries about unsolicited advice. Your life is none of his business.
Learn to walk away without retaliating, tell him you aren’t prepared to discuss this, and if all else fails grey rocking or go NC and stick to it. All of these shenanigans have little to do with any of your children so neither of you should be bringing them into it, that’s why ESH.
Sounds like he has unresolved issues that he needs to deal with.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Asking My Roommates To Be Quiet During My Sleep Hours?
“I work the night shift and have been since July, so my sleep schedule is inverted—I sleep during the day, usually from 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. if I’m lucky.
Unfortunately, my room is next to the front door and the street, so I’m already a light sleeper, and noise really disrupts me.
From August to December, my roommates were pretty considerate, keeping to their rooms or hanging out in the basement where their noise was contained. But since January, two of them—let’s call them Abigail and Jessica—have started making things unbearable.
Abigail constantly hangs out in the foyer just outside my room, shouting across the house to people upstairs or down the hall. She laughs loudly, and it’s not like she’s even going anywhere—she’ll wander to the kitchen for a minute and then go back to the foyer, still being loud.
Jessica, meanwhile, loves to scream and laugh in the kitchen, which carries throughout the house. Normally, I could deal with some noise if they weren’t also doing a lot of other inconsiderate things:
- Dishes: Both Abigail and Jessica leave their dirty dishes piled in the sink for days.
Abigail even left pots and pans on the stove and got mad when another roommate, Ulysses, asked her to move them.
- Smoking: They smoke in the kitchen because it’s too cold to go outside (we live in Canada). They’ll leave the door open, and the wind blows smoke straight into the house, which wakes me up because of the smell.
When I asked them to stop, they got mad, opened all the windows, and froze out of the house.
The noise issue was the final straw. I texted the group chat and said, “To whoever is laughing super loud in the kitchen, a reminder that I work nights.
And when you do it in the evening, remember some people have morning classes.” I was being intentionally vague, even though I suspected who was responsible.
Jessica DM’d me directly and said, “I pay to be here, so I’m in my rights. I never complained about you, so you shouldn’t complain about me.
I’m moving out in 3 months, so just cope until I’m gone.”
At this point, I was fed up and replied, “You knew you were doing this and kept being a problem. If you at least have your conversations downstairs, I’ll stop doing what annoys you.”
She doubled down, saying, “I pay to be here, so I’m not tip-toeing. You’re the only one complaining.” I brought up how Ulysses also gets attacked for complaining, and she blocked me.
So here I am—AITJ for calling out their noise, or should I just deal with it until Jessica moves out in April?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your roommate sounds super unpleasant and disrespectful. Unfortunately, I don’t think you’re going to win the fight, she sounds like the type to be louder on purpose just because she knows it upsets you. I would recommend some noise-canceling headphones and just trying to make it through until she moves out.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I don’t think you’re going to win this. Perhaps you can use earplugs or a white noise machine to help sleep through it. Going forward, when looking into a roommate situation, I’d make sure your work hours are clear and that the other persons perhaps work similar hours, work away from home during the daytime hours, or, at the very least, are willing to accommodate.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. God I do not miss living with roommates. They sound like a nightmare. Unfortunately, they also sound petty as heck and will likely continue their nonsense. You could always contact the agency that manages the property and report their behavior, but I’m not sure how much good that’ll do.” camembert23
1. AITJ For Getting Upset My Husband Tracked My Personal Game Purchases?
“My spouse and I share an Apple ID. We’ve done this for close to two decades and did this initially in the “old days” of Apple where it was common practice. He’s had an Apple ID since he was a teen, so I’m on his.
However, it is my credit card that is used to make purchases. This means anything I purchase on my phone with my credit card still results in an email receipt that gets sent to him. We each keep our personal checking accounts and then have one joint account to pay for shared expenses that we put money into (eg household bills.) We wanted to avoid getting upset with one another for personal purchases, so by keeping separate personal checking accounts, we didn’t know what the other person was spending with their own money.
Recently I got into one of my micro-transaction games hardcore and made a lot of successive purchases over the past month. However, the money spent has been entirely coming out of my account, so I know exactly what I have been spending. But he has been getting the receipts for my purchases because of the shared Apple ID.
He decided that before asking me about the increased uptick of purchases (which he is not paying for) he collected and wrote down every single purchase and calculated it. He even took the step of not including any line items like AppleCare. He then brought the list with the running total to me “out of concern.”
We got into an argument as I felt like my privacy had been invaded; even though he happens to get the receipts taking the extra step to go through the emails, collate, separate, and calculate the total before ever talking to me about it felt like a check-up to me.
He argued it was a ‘check-in’ and not a ‘check-up’. I told him if it had just been a check-in a simple “I noticed I’ve been getting a lot of receipts, just wanted to make sure everything was okay and that they were valid purchases.” But taking the step to collect all that data and calculate the total to present to me felt like a check-up and I told him so.
He argued that as my partner he was allowed to do this if he had a concern. I tried to point out that if it was not for the receipts he would have never known I made the purchases since it pulled entirely from my account, so it felt like he was taking advantage of the access he had.
We went back and forth (his arguments included that he was concerned I was being taken advantage of, that he was getting the receipts sent to him and it was a lot of money, etc) But as I am a middle-aged adult and I am spending my own money I did not feel it was his place to do what he did.
It also felt like he was a parent checking up on their kid for actions they didn’t agree with.
AITJ for arguing that he was checking up on me and he should have minded his own business when I only spent my own money?
Or AITJ for being wrong that this was a case of checking in rather than checking up?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – how much did you spend exactly? Those things can be a slippery slope. Was it like $100 or more like $700 or something else? I’m not sure where I’d draw the line but at some point, I would be more concerned about it becoming an addiction.
You have the receipts set up to be sent to him. That’s not an invasion of privacy.” Ok_Job_9417
Another User Comments:
“If he was doing the same thing with sports betting, and you were concerned, would you say something? Your defensiveness reminds me of the behavior of an addict who has been caught.
Why? Have you considered that his concern is valid?” Feisty-Cheetah-8078
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re jumping through hoops to avoid saying how much you spent. Even giving ambiguous answers in comments, avoiding the amount. And you’re so defensive about it, it’s likely that you know once the amount is made known, it will be YTJ votes flooding in.
Your position is based on principle, trying to hide details under the rug, while your BF laid out the details for you and grounded his concern in the details of the matter…which you are upset about but refuse to disclose.” pyx299299
