People Aren’t Sure Who’s In The Right In Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Taking My Daughter To Disneyland After She Chose To Stay With Her Dad All Summer?
“I (40F) have two daughters, 12 and 14. Their father and I have been divorced for 5 years. Last year, I took my kids to Disneyland because they’ve always wanted to go and I finally had the money to take them.
Their dad ended up coming for the last day of the trip. The girls had a great time. They’ve been wanting to go this summer too, but this was a bit harder to promise because money is always an issue.
Still, I saved up enough and surprised them recently with the news that we could go.
Custody is set up so that their dad gets them half the summer and I get the other half. So I planned on taking them during my half, which is coming up soon. Well, come to find out 14yo doesn’t want to come home. She wants to spend the rest of the summer with her dad.
When asked why, she says she just feels bored at my place and has more fun playing games at her dad’s (it’s true they have more fun with him because he lets them play longer–they don’t have to do as many chores because he’s more well-off than me and can afford house cleanings, etc.).
I was hurt but not too surprised because over the last year or so, this has become a bit of a pattern with 14yo (staying longer with her dad, not wanting to come home with me). I never forced the issue because I don’t want to get in the way of her relationship with her father.
I reminded her about the Disneyland trip and how I was supposed to take them during the second half of their summer. She said I can just pick her up from her dad’s and then drop her off with him for the rest of the summer after the trip until school starts (she also said this very flippantly, as though I’m a glorified chauffeur).
Well, I saw she clearly didn’t really have much interest in this trip, so I told her she could stay with her dad this summer if she wants, but if she wants to come to Disneyland she needs to come back with me or I’d just take her sister.
She started throwing a tantrum and saying I was favoring her sister, that this was unfair and she’s being punished for loving her dad. I don’t see this as a punishment, as far as I’m concerned this is a bonus trip because I already took them last year and they don’t NEED to go again.
As for being mad she loves her dad, that’s ludicrous–I invited him for the last day last year because they wanted to see him. Even though we’re decent co-parents, I certainly wouldn’t call us friends, so I did that purely for them.
14yo is insisting that I take her to Disneyland with her sister and also let her stay with her dad like she wants.
Her dad is staying neutral and saying he’ll comply with what I decide. I don’t think I owe her everything on her terms. Part of me is indeed hurt that she doesn’t want to spend time with me outside of things like Disneyland trips though.
I don’t want to be taking that out on her. WIBTJ if I don’t take her to Disneyland?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 14yo can’t have her cake and eat it, too. She’s manipulative from her reasoning of you “punishing her for loving her dad” and “favoring her sister.” She may prefer dad, which you’ve mentioned, but it doesn’t mean you deserve the bitter end.
You’ve given them a trip they’ve always wanted and placed your terms which aren’t even restricting. You’re her mother, not her chauffeur. Kudos, too, for you and their father on keeping things civil and supportive.” FlashyEntertainer136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BUT I think that it’s the wrong choice if you want to cultivate a close relationship with your daughter.
I understand that she’s kind of being a brat and that she’s hurt your feelings, but keep in mind that excluding her from this trip may have a severe and long-term impact on your relationship with her. This is only going to give her another reason (in her mind) to favor her dad over you.
I’d suggest having an honest talk about how and why her choice to stay with Dad all summer is hurting your feelings. She’s old enough to understand that. Explain to her that if she comes on this trip, you don’t want to feel like her chauffeur.
You’re her mom and you want to spend time with her. Maybe tell her that if she’s going to stay with Dad all summer, then you’d like the chance to spend quality time with her on the trip since you won’t be seeing her for the rest of the summer.
Even if she can’t agree to that, I might still consider bringing her if I were you. I know it seems like rewarding her for bad behavior but teenagers are tough to deal with. Not bringing her is going to create more problems than it’s worth and widen the distance between you two.
Let Dad be her favorite for now, as much as it may hurt. But keep the door open for her, because sooner or later, she’s going to need her mom.” Mother_of_turts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think she resents you for not being as well off and may not realize that their relationship dynamic may not be as fulfilling if it’s just about what she can do with the access he provides.
It sounds like her ideas of love are tied to the benefits of it, not the love itself and the sacrifices that come with it. I can’t speak for his parenting, but if she’s allowed to do whatever then he is probably a little more hands-off than you and she can take advantage of it.
Regardless, you’re doing the right thing. She cannot enjoy a trip on your dime and not want to be in your company at the same time. You shouldn’t feel bad about making her realize that she is being greedy and self-centered.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Not Giving The Last Easter Egg Kit To A Woman With Memory Loss?
“I (50f) am a parent of 3 Autistic kids, at various points on the spectrum, who are currently on school holidays. Last week my oldest told me that she wanted us to make our own Easter eggs this year, and I thought it was a good idea – something to do for the rest of the holidays!
Unfortunately, buying the chocolate mold was not as easy as I thought, and after calling around various businesses in the city trying to find one, I ended up doing a search online and found that our local Spotlight store had some in stock. So, I go down there, and after half an hour of searching the store, I find them.
They only have two left, so I grab them both.
When I turn around there’s a woman staring at me, and she tells me that she was wanting to buy the kits. I tell her that these are the last two, but she can have one of them, and I give her one of the kits figuring that was fair as we got one each.
She then tells me that she wanted both of them, and I tell her that I wanted both of them too, but at least this way we both get one. She shakes her head, and says ‘but I have memory loss’ – and I’m thinking WTF?
But I don’t say anything, and go to walk away. She stops me, and again tells me that she wants both the kits, and that I should give the other one to her because she has memory loss. I sort of try and brush her off, and say ‘I’m sorry about that, but I have 3 kids with autism and they want to make chocolate eggs.’
She gets all agitated at this point, and says ‘but my problems are legitimate, I had a car accident and now I have memory loss.’ I admit at that point I was getting very annoyed, so I told her that just because she had memory loss doesn’t mean she deserves the last kit, and I had been nice enough to give her one, so she should say thank you and go away – and I showed restraint, I didn’t use colorful language or anything!
She starts telling me that I’m awful and that I stole the last egg-making kit from a disabled person, and at that point I just walked away, paid for the kit, and left the store.
When I get home, I tell my husband about it, and he tells me that I was a bit mean to the ‘poor woman,’ and that I should have given her the second kit.
When I pointed out – again – that I had given her one of them so we both had one, he said I was being petty and it was probably hard for her to get out because of her condition, so this was probably the only chance she had to get what she was looking for.
Even if that is true, it’s not like I can just go out looking for the darn things every day either, I’m a full-time carer for the kids, and the only reason I got to the store yesterday was because he was able to take over for a few hours.
He’s digging his heels in though, saying I was selfish, so I’ll put it to you – AITJ for not giving this woman the second kit?”
Another User Comments:
“Wtf no! NTJ. Since when does memory loss entitle a person to products over others (products not specifically designed for memory loss people only or something super specific like that)?
Had you been 20 seconds faster this would be a non-issue and she would’ve had none. Your husband is probably just trying to play devil’s advocate.” Zorgas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ memory loss doesn’t have anything to do with how many Easter kits she needs. It doesn’t affect anything.
It makes no sense for that to be her excuse. To me a more reasonable excuse would have been if she wanted one for herself and another person then it would make sense to need two. Yes, disabilities should be respected but only if they are relevant to the issue at hand.
It honestly seems like she was trying to manipulate you into giving her both.” cara1888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good lord. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t see it. I don’t know what was going on with that woman, but if she’s out and about on her own, she ought to be able to understand the basics that you owed her nothing, yet gave her one of the kits.
You were under no obligation to do even that (though it was the nice thing to do).” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Tricking My Cousin After She Kept Crashing My Dates With My Partner?
“I (24F) have a cousin, April (30F), who moved in with me and my mom last year because of a divorce. I live with my mom because of her health issues, but since April has been here to watch her, I have mostly been with my partner, James (25M).
Since April has met James, I could tell she took a liking to him. Whenever he came over, she dressed in revealing clothing, asks us questions that are mostly directed to James like, “Does my chest look better in this shirt?” I was a little bit annoyed by it, especially because James looked very uncomfortable with it and hates when women other than his mom and I touch him.
Recently, I found out that she has been looking into my planner and looking for the time, dates, and places that we were going to and crashing the date. After the first two times, James asked me if I noticed it and how it was getting annoying.
I decided to make a plan to put a time and place for a restaurant that was far from where we lived. When April got there and saw that we were not there, she realized what happened. It turns out April got a ride from a friend and expected to get one back from James.
My mom and aunt found out and are demanding me to give April an apology.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not the business of your mother or your aunt. This is solely between you and April. What did April do, tattle on you? How mature!
She was invading your privacy by looking at your planner as well as invading it by showing up wherever you and your partner were. She does NOT deserve an apology. She got exactly what she deserved. She is 30. It is about time she grew up and acted like an adult.
By the way, you ARE an adult. You do not have to give into the “demands” of your mom and aunt.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Your mistake was admitting to it. You should have said “Oh yeah, I was planning to get steak on our date, but I had a craving for sushi so we went there instead!
Wait… How did you even know about my date? Why were you stalking me? That’s really creepy!”” overseas-mango
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She got caught. Serves her right. She should apologize to you for chasing your SO and crashing your dates and snooping in your planner.
You don’t owe her a darned thing. Your mom and your aunt are jerks for insisting you apologize to her. In my opinion, your cousin should be kicked out of your house.” Paevatar
19. AITJ For Wanting To End A Friendship Over Grief Differences?
“My friend’s cat died almost a year ago and ever since then, I have been listening to her talk about her cat hours a day.
It is honestly all we talk about and she doesn’t want to talk about anything else. I have been bored out of my mind but have tried to be a good friend. It did hurt my feelings a bit that she talks to other people about other things and cares to hear about their lives but not mine.
Anyway last week my aunt died of cancer and I have tried to juggle grieving and comforting her but the last straw was when she told me I was rude to talk about my aunt when she lost her cat since my aunt didn’t even live in the same city but she’s lived with her cat for years.
I am this close to telling her I can’t take it anymore. Would that be wrong of me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m so sorry for your loss and lack of support from someone who claims to be your friend. She is being very selfish.
A friendship goes two ways, give and take, but you have been doing all of the giving and she has been doing all of the taking. Her saying that you’re rude for grieving would honestly be the last straw for me to end this farce of a friendship.
If you think it can be salvaged, though, you need to seriously sit down with her and explain that you can’t and won’t be her therapist. You’re not qualified for that. You have mental and emotional needs too, you need support, and constantly hearing someone talk about their passed pet and having to always be the comforter is taxing.
And that her expecting you to be that for her makes you feel used, like you’re unequal in your relationship, and that you need to bury your feelings in order to address hers.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I get how losing a cat can be like losing a family member.
But she’s just insane. She can mourn and cry about her cat for a year and you are apparently rude because you talk about your aunt who died just a week ago. I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my grandma last month, and talking about her (happy memories) comforts me a lot.
Surround yourself with people who you can talk to. I’d reconsider the whole friendship, she’s a toxic person and only cares about herself. Right now you need to focus on yourself and grieve.” MyCatIsADramaqueen
Another User Comments:
“OP you’re definitely NTJ here but your friend is absolutely a jerk for her comments.
My sincerest condolences on the loss of your aunt. I too have lost beloved cats over many years and still occasionally mention them to family and friends who had known them. But it’s normally funny stories, not this constant pity-me party she is throwing. You need to step away from this friendship as it’s quite toxic.
It appears she’s using you as an emotional crutch and you truly need to end that. She’s showing you that she doesn’t care about you and what’s going on in your life. That’s not friendship. You are not wrong to end this.” Duchess1405
18. AITJ For Requesting Time Off For A Scholarship Interview Despite "Blackout Dates"?
“I (17) applied for a prestigious scholarship back in April and completed the first round of interviews about 2 1/2 weeks ago.
Two days ago, I received an email from the manager of the program saying that I was selected for the final round of interviews and that I would have to travel to Denver.
My boss can be somewhat “harsh” when it comes to monthly scheduling to see who’s able to work which days, who needs off, etc, and I always make sure that I know what my plans are for the next month so that way there won’t be any scheduling issues.
I also wasn’t aware that I would have to travel to Denver if I did make it this far within the program.
I messaged my boss the same day I received the email, telling them which days I wouldn’t be able to work, their response being said dates were “blackout dates,” how they posted in Slack back in April saying those were the “blackout dates,” and that they weren’t sure if they could give me that time off.
I clarified by saying that the trip wasn’t for vacation or leisure, but it was for a scholarship program and I’m required to go in person, even though I did ask to see if there’s an online interview option. My boss then responded with “K.” They never clarified on their response and I’m a bit nervous to ask for clarification.
Lowkey, their response felt petty in a way. I completely understand why they may be upset, especially with them giving a two-month notice about said dates, but I found out only two days ago that I would have to travel. I’ll be missing only two days of work as well.
At the same time, I don’t want to lose my job. But *also* in two months, I’ll be in college anyway.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your boss provided plenty of notice for the dates but… you’re 17. I’m assuming this is a part-time job while you’re in high school.
You absolutely SHOULD prioritize the scholarship interview. And your boss should probably know that a temporary part-time job is not going to be your first priority. I’m not sure if this is a fireable offense but even if you do lose your job, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
You’ll be moving on to the next stage of your life soon anyway.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The boss said no time off. This sounds like a seasonal or seasonally high-volume job. You are going to college soon, so likely a minimum wage/summer job situation.
You may not have intended to go, but things change. They aren’t obligated to give you the time, and you aren’t obligated to stay there. If they give it- great. If not- that is management’s prerogative. You are welcome to just turn in notice and do what you need to for your future.
It’s not irresponsible, and you should have no guilt.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Looking through the responses I’m wondering if some of the people are more of, well, my generation and don’t realize how “K” is viewed as a pretty negative response. My kids HATED it when I replied that way until they clued me in.
I thought it was just an easy and lazy reply with no tone attached. Anyway, in your position I think you should probably let things be for now. If your boss comes back with “I’m sorry but you are going to have to work” then you explain that you were not asking for permission but instead were informing them that you would be gone.
Short-term jobs are short-term jobs. It’s good to do the best you can with them but also keep in mind their relatively low importance in the greater scheme of things. Congratulations and good luck with all of it!” Superb_Grapefruit854
17. AITJ For Yelling At My Wife For Berating Our Daughter About Her Weight?
“Our daughter has always struggled with her weight. We’ve tried everything over the years from after-dinner walks to seeing specialists, personal trainers, and everything in between. This past year was her freshman year of college and things were rocky for her, but, that’s to be expected, as it’s a transition.
When she came home for Christmas noticeably heavier than when we last saw her in August, I expected it. I didn’t feel the need to do this big sit-down chat. I said nothing, and my wife stewed over it and ended up telling our daughter she needed to handle it and that she was trusting our daughter to handle it.
She recently came home for the summer much heavier than she was at Christmas. This absolutely floored my wife who began this scatterbrained screaming about how she was going to make our daughter work out every day and about how she looked like she’d outgrown all of her clothes save for the sweats, and how obesity is not going to be celebrated here and on and on.
I could see how sad my daughter was, so, I yelled at my wife to cool it and go calm down somewhere. She stormed off, and my daughter & I hugged. Later that night my wife told me I’d betrayed her trust for not presenting a united front.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A united parental front is great… when the message is beneficial. Your wife reacted out of fear and anger and frustration. That’s not the hill to be united on. Perhaps your daughter has multiple different factors that influence her weight.
Emotional stress is a pretty common one, and feeling like your parents are ashamed of you is a pretty good reason to feel emotional stress. The cruel irony of it is that all of the pressure to lose weight might be indirectly leading to her gaining it.” HolyGonzo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Right after high school, I went to basic training. I was skeletal when I got out. A few weeks later I was speaking to my dad on the phone while eating pizza. He said, “you’re eating pizza? You want to gain that weight back?” He didn’t even mean to be hurtful, and that was 11 years ago & I can’t forget it.
Your wife is setting up for your daughter’s entire life to revolve around food & body image. Your wife likely struggles with these things herself & thinks it’s what needs to be done. It is not. Continue to do your best to protect your daughter.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your wife is. Your daughter could be suffering from thyroid issues. She could also be suffering from endometriosis and/or polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). She could also be suffering from mental health issues and sometimes that leads to eating more which leads to weight gain.
If she is on medication that can also lead to weight gain. There can be many underlying issues that are causing this. I think you and your daughter should sit down and talk. Talk about school and her life. See if she having mental issues you are unaware of.
Have her get checked for those health issues I mentioned above.” Purple-Raven1991
16. AITJ For Telling My Mom She's A Terrible Mother After Her Unethical Therapy Practices?
“My mother is a child therapist and since she had me she always centered everything in my life around me talking to her. She didn’t want me to talk to other kids because I would become immature, she wanted me to just hang out with her.
When I turned ten she started to acknowledge some mental trouble I’d been having, I was involuntary destroying things while fidgeting, getting picky about food, and refusing to talk to any new people unless she introduced me. Instead of going to a therapist, my mom said she could lose her job if she was seen taking me to someone else as a child therapist.
So I was bounced around my therapist family members who didn’t know what to do. She used to give me these mystery pills that she took that basically gave me motivation. Eventually, she took it away after seeing I became dependent on them just to get out of bed. She told me that she knew something was wrong but she grew up without medication and that she’s fine now.
Following the years she finally got me a therapist but we only communicate by phone and when I tell her how paranoid and scared I get when alone or in public settings she urges me to pray it away. They insisted that it was the devil trying to isolate me.
I was upset because she was bringing religion into my mental health. I told my mom that she was a terrible mother after the session and she began crying. She lost her mom about 12 years ago and she’s just been freestyling with trying to raise me right.
I felt really selfish then and feel like shot right now. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my opinion, your mother has violated professional ethics concerning you. She should have arranged for you to see another therapist right from the start. Treating one’s own family members is a big no-no as far as I know.
She should not have been giving you “mystery pills” without a doctor’s prescription. You have the right to have a therapist you feel comfortable with instead of the one you have. I hope you get one. Can your father help? It’s also troubling that she isolated you and kept you from talking with other kids.
Maybe she needs therapy herself. Good luck to you and I hope you find a good, competent therapist who listens to you.” Paevatar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a child therapist. Your mother would not have lost her job by taking you to a different therapist. It is unethical and unprofessional for her to treat a family member, and illegal to give you medication without a prescription.
THIS is how she could lose her job. How she treated you was neglectful and unhealthy. She should not have any part in your therapy. Therapy is a place to get an unbiased, objective opinion and guidance, and your mom doesn’t belong there. I’m so sorry that you have had to deal with this, and I hope that you are able to find a good therapist who treats you professionally and respectfully.” beautiful_angel_girl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She severely restricted you from outside influences during your most critical years of development. Talking to others is absolutely necessary during that time to develop and socialize properly. She took that away from you, which is why you’re struggling now. Also, mystery pills??
What in the world was going on in her mind when she thought it was a good idea to get you dependent on substances??? You absolutely need to go no contact with her. I mean this in the most serious way possible, but her actions will continue to affect you for the rest of your life.
Never ever talk to her again, and I sincerely wish you the best.” kaosayo
15. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Needs To Act Like A Parent And Not Use Me As A Babysitter?
“I (16f) watch my (24f) sister’s baby (8 months f) Monday through Friday with the exception of Tuesdays. Sometimes I see her on the weekends too. I babysit from 8 to 5:30 and she pays me $25 a week and my mom pays the other $25. Her baby daddy (27m) doesn’t work at all which forced me to watch the baby.
I hate children. I stopped going to school and started doing online just to watch her so I can’t even do my senior year at school with friends. Every time my sister is around she passes the baby to someone else or acts like she doesn’t have a kid.
She’s the only one who works so I understand she gets frustrated but I watch her kid all day and it frustrates me because I never really get a break and when I do I still end up having to do something with the baby.
Last night we were in the kitchen cutting fruit and the baby started crying because she had a dirty diaper. When I asked her if she was going to change it she said no because her hands were sticky and she would have to wait for our mom.
I said why did she have to wait which my sister replied with I can’t do it my hands are dirty. I said that she’s her mom and that she needs to act like a parent and that it’s not our fault her partner is a jerk and doesn’t help.
My sister always complains about having to do everything at home but I’m basically her kid’s parent because after she goes home she eats and goes to sleep for the night but everyone thinks I don’t do anything and that I have it easy being at home all day.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“A classic case of parentification where they make the child do all the work of raising younger kids, I would refuse, and for $50 a week?! Most babysitters are paid $10ish an hour at LEAST, they are overworking and underpaying you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP and you’ve got everyone on your side in this battle.” Angelic-Guardian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not have to do this. This is completely wrong to have you forced to care for your sister’s kid full-time and not be able to go to school as you should.
I believe that they are violating employment laws by having you work so many hours babysitting and not paying you minimum wage. This is not your kid or your sibling. Tell your mom and your sister you will call Child Protective Services and report this, that you have to leave school because of forced labor, unless you can go to school physically.
Don’t allow them to force parentification upon you. Your sister chose to have a kid, you did not. This is NOT your problem. Go to school. Do not follow in your sister’s footprint!!!” Maybeidontknow99
Another User Comments:
“Okay, first off, if your sister is the only one working and bringing in income, why aren’t your parents watching the baby while you attend school?
If the child’s father is not working, why isn’t he watching the baby? Has your sister gone to court to establish paternity and get child support? I feel like they threw out a whole lot of important resources before deciding that the teen should stop attending school and care for the newborn.
At any rate, none of this is your problem. You need to get reenrolled in school ASAP and let the adults handle the baby. There are resources out there to help with child care costs and there are other social service benefits out there that your sister should take advantage of.
But, at 16, you should be in school and focused on your own future. You deserve to have a future. Use this situation to motivate yourself to do EVERYTHING you possibly can to avoid the same situation your sister is in. It would be one thing to help out with the baby from time to time but you should under no circumstances be that child’s primary caregiver.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Giving Our Son My Last Name Despite Our Family's Disapproval?
“I 36F am 6 months pregnant with a boy. This will be our only child. When my husband and I got married four years ago, I kept my last name. He had no problem with it, and neither did anyone in either of our families, so it was no issue.
Now that I’m pregnant, we have decided to give our son my last name. My father died a few years ago. He will never know him, so for me, it’s important for him to have his last name at least. I also feel like since there are two last names in the relationship, it should be a discussion about what last name he gets, not just assumed it would be his.
My husband is fine with it, and his last name will be the middle name.
When we told our families, most of them were unhappy about the decision, my mother telling me I’m disrespectful, his mother freaking out about carrying on the name (she has another son), and how that’s just how it’s done.
They will not stop bothering us about it. His mother calls crying a few times a week, making it out like I’m somehow doing this to spite her, even though the baby’s first name will be her husband’s (FIL) name. She is getting other family members involved to harass us over it, sending nasty messages about how horrible we are.
My mother keeps telling me to just give the baby his last name to make everyone happy, and that’s just how things work. (Wait until they find out we are not getting him baptized.)
I feel like only two people’s opinions matter, and we have decided, and that’s the end of it.
So AITJ for giving our son my last name?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I began reading the post, I thought you had decided this on your own, but since your husband agreed, then what is the problem? You both chose this, so it’s fine, and it should be no one else’s business.
My best “resolution” would be to have both last names added, but since you guys are already doing that, then tell them to screw off. It’s your choice, and as you mentioned, she has another son. Your mother should have your back on this too, but I think this comes down to being about generations and how “old school” and set in their ways some people are.
Not a big deal. NTJ, live your life with your husband and baby. As long as you three are happy and the baby is born healthy, who cares about last names.” ChimiJae123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sure. It’s too bad your family members are wasting so much time and energy making a futile argument for something they have no say in.
Can’t they just be happy you’re honoring FIL by giving your baby his first and last name (as a middle name)? Sounds like you and your husband are on the same page, so all should be good. Ignore the chatter. And congrats on becoming parents!!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I think more women should question why their kids automatically get the man’s last name. Especially if they didn’t change their own last names upon marriage—I think the reasons would be similar. “It’s just how it’s done”/“that’s just how it is” – but why?
I bet there are other situations in life where you would fight back against this answer. “You need to respect the man’s family and carry on the name” – so they’re saying that your family means less than theirs, huh. 50/50 went into this child.
And I don’t think anyone needs a particular explanation, but you mentioned your own dad passed away, and you wanted to honor him this way, so that would make their “respect our family” reason even more unreasonable.” savannahkellen
13. AITJ For Filing A Noise Complaint Against My Loud Neighbors?
“I’ve lived in my complex for 2 and a half years now.
I want to start by saying, I understand that noise happens. I hear footsteps, I understand people have to be able to walk around their apartments. But that’s not the problem.
A few months ago, they were being pretty loud one night and I heard someone walk outside the door and walk downstairs so I went and talked to them.
It was the daughter of the woman who actually lived in the house. We had a good talk and she said, “If we’re being too loud, please let us know.” Great.
So a few weeks ago, they got loud again and I heard an extremely loud door slam and stomping down the stairs, so I went outside and this time it was some dude I’d never seen before.
I asked him to please not be so loud and he responded with, “We already talked to the guy down here, we’re not being loud.” So I just reiterated and walked back inside. THEN, the woman who actually lived there comes downstairs, banging on my door and trying to get in my face.
I had to step from my doorway and into the open area by my front door to distance myself. She kept yelling, basically telling me, “Nothing can be done, screw off.”
Since that day, they’ve just gotten louder and louder. I’ve invested in expensive noise-canceling headphones and a white noise machine.
It’s gotten to the point where I can have a loud movie on with the headphones and I can feel the house shake from how much noise they’re making. I even have to sleep with noise-canceling headphones on and blast loud rain sounds to drown it out.
Oh, and now there’s a kid upstairs, and they let him jump around all day and into the night sometimes. This is where I would feel like a jerk because now they can use that as a defense. It just seems so inconsiderate to me, and the fact that I can’t even have any quiet time in my own house seems too much.
My dog even gets anxiety from how much noise there is. So WIBTJ for filing a complaint?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Inconsiderate jerks clearly don’t respond to ‘nice.’ I just wrote a complaint to my apartment management office about people using the pool as their own private nightclub at 9:45 on Monday night, because I knew that talking to them myself was not going to make a difference.” sdxab1my
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Check your city’s specific noise ordinance first, don’t rely on just the counties (unless you live in a rural/unincorporated area) since the hours and things that constitute a violation may not be the same. I say this because you are less likely to get anyone to come out if you are outside of the hours, and if you do get somebody to come out and it doesn’t meet the requirements, you’re just going to anger your neighbors even more and it’s going to get worse.” JustSomeApparition
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is beyond ‘annoying neighbors.’ File that complaint like a month ago. I also don’t know what agreements get signed to live in your complex, but in some places having ‘unregistered residents’ is grounds for eviction. Every person over 18 has to have their name on the rental/lease agreement.
Your comment about ‘now there’s a kid upstairs’ makes me wonder if the woman has moved someone in who shouldn’t be there if your complex has anything like that.” DefunctPenguin
12. AITJ For Hiding In The Bathroom During My Birthday Dinner At Work?
“I (23F) have always been the type who doesn’t like attention or to be confronted 1 on 1.
Working with people, especially strangers makes me nervous in general and when I am nervous past a point I either break down or find somewhere to hide before I do. I know very well it is my own problem, so to live with that I tend to say out in advance to people whom I will be working with and most people are understanding by keeping a distance when I ask to.
This happened about a week ago during my birthday when my colleague “Sarah” (35-45?) decided to treat me to a dinner with the others and welcome me to the company. I know they are being nice, and I was actually very happy when I found out that my colleagues would do something nice to a new person like me.
During the dinner they had the restaurant staff sing me a birthday song and present me with the cake, which started to make me uncomfortable. I then whispered to Sarah that I appreciated this very much but I don’t like attention like that. She said it is fine and I should just enjoy myself.
Later on, Sarah started to encourage me to talk about my personal life despite me telling her I rather not talk about it. I started to recite the menu, something I do to distract myself, to which they all started to laugh. I was close to breaking so I excused myself to the toilet and hid there.
Sarah came knocking on the door asking if I am alright and despite telling her I need some space she kept knocking. I swear I was this close to start screaming, but fortunately, it did not happen as I focused on breathing and reading random text from my phone.
When I finally got out after about 15 minutes it all got awkward with everyone, so I apologized and reminded them again that while I appreciate all these I hope they give me some space when asked, and I can communicate normally when I am not nervous.
They seemed to understand and the rest of the dinner went much quieter.
Sarah told me a day later at work that I’ve “got a problem” and I should get it “fixed” before embarrassing her again. She said she got blamed for upsetting me and it was not fair when all she did was try to make me feel welcome.
I feel sorry for what she went through, but at the same time I did tell her and other colleagues to not push me to answer nonwork-related stuff, I only hid in the toilet because otherwise, I’d start bawling my eyes out or something. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I completely understand where you’re coming from. Social anxiety sucks and it sounds like it rules your work life. I make sure never to tell waitstaff it’s my birthday, or tell them not to sing. Your coworkers are major jerks. They forced you to do things you hate doing for their own enjoyment.
They saw a reason to party and took it. You have nothing to apologize for. Sarah should be apologizing for using you. Counseling wouldn’t be the worst idea. I know it’s a big help to me. Situations will arise from time to time when you are put on the spot.
Ask your doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist. And then find your favorite chair and curl up with a good book. And happy birthday.” Special-Attitude-242
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk about some serious boundary issues she’s got. She has absolutely zero respect for you or anyone else for that matter.
She should be getting blamed for making you upset…she did! I hate being sung to at a restaurant on my birthday as well. I would have left at that time. I would have told the wait staff ahead of time that, under no circumstances, are they to do it.
But that’s me. You told her you didn’t want it and her response was “it’s fine.” Ummm…NO!!! You told her it wasn’t. As such, it is NOT fine. She doesn’t get to tell you what is and isn’t fine for you.
She wasn’t trying to make you feel welcome. And she sure as anything isn’t your friend. She was simply trying to make herself look good in front of others. If it comes up again and she comments that you embarrassed her, let her know that no, she did that all on her own by not being respectful of you.” Ok-Mode-2038
Another User Comments:
“NTJ clearly Sarah doesn’t understand anxiety and felt guilty for putting you in that state of distress but instead of being an adult and apologizing she’s turning that emotion onto you and being defensive. You did nothing wrong. Actually I think you did really well!
You should feel proud that you recognized your feelings and avoided your emotional “breakdown”! I’m so proud! You seem like a lovely person who is working on yourself. It takes time though, and those around you should understand that!” Lower_River_5647
11. AITJ For Yelling At My Dad About My Bunny's New Cage?
“I’m a 15-year-old female and decided recently to adopt a bunny.
I bought the bunny with my own money, set up the entire adoption, and paid for gas money to go and pick it up. I got the bunny and paid for the appliances.
Fast forward to a few days ago, and I decided I wanted to upgrade my rabbit’s enclosure.
I told my parents my idea and what my plan was, which they both understood. I bought everything off Amazon, and constantly reminded my parents so they wouldn’t be confused once it arrived.
I received everything and started to put together all the upgraded parts and toys.
As I was bringing old stuff down to store in the garage, my dad decided to confront me and told me that my bunny wasn’t allowed to roam freely all day and needed a cage. Which I was confused about and started to explain to him again that I just bought a new cage and was currently setting it up.
He then started to yell at me for not buying a litter box. Which again, I explained to him once again that I already did and that I was currently setting it up. My dad then went back to the point that there was no cage (there was) and that I was disrespecting him.
I was confused so I started walking away and then he started to yell even more. Eventually, I got frustrated at him yelling at me, and then yelled back at him, “I already told you multiple times, I just bought completely new parts for my bunny.
Please stop yelling at me I’m starting to get frustrated.” He paused for a second and responded with, “I don’t care if you’re frustrated.” He then threatened to throw my rabbit outside the next time I left the house. After that, I simply walked away and continued to work on the cage.
Fast forward after my parents had taken a nap, I went to go vent to my mom about it. Keep in mind my mom is usually a sweet person and would never hurt a fly, she just always takes my dad’s side despite him being a terrible husband.
I explained to her the situation and she immediately told me I was being disrespectful and I needed to respect my dad. I got upset and told her, “I can’t respect someone who won’t even listen to me. I can’t magically turn my respect on and off.” My mom got upset back and responded with, “That doesn’t matter, next time don’t tell me about something like this.” I immediately went up to my room and started to write this AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your dad was being weird and was unable to comprehend what was going on. Your mom sounds like she wants absolutely nothing to do with the situation and that your mother’s logic when faced with confrontation is to just bow her head and respect him above else.” Letsmakeathread
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already explained that you had a cage and litter box, yet your father kept yelling at you about you not having them. You were calm and respectful throughout the whole situation but he pushed his limits not wanting to back down because of obviously large ego.
You had every right to blow up at him but I think it was very mature of you to say that you felt frustrated to your father in that situation. Also, congratulations on getting a bunny! Just wanted to add thank you for trying to free-roam your rabbit, it’s really refreshing to see from people keeping their rabbits in cages all day.
Also, if your father is against free-roaming full-time, I don’t know what cage you purchased/have but you could get an exercise pen for your bunny and use that as an enclosure for him/her to have a decent space to live in.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please try to lay low and avoid conflict with both of them as best you can until you’re old enough to move out or go to college. They’ll be confused when you’re older and don’t want anything to do with them and you can reference this moment.
It sounds as if your mom is scared to take the side of anyone who isn’t your dad. That’s not okay. She can’t just bury her head in the sand when her child is being treated badly and expect respect either. She’s proving that she’s not worthy of your respect and your father has ALREADY proven it.
I hope that you’re not too far away from being 18. If you’re able to work, please secretly save as much money as possible so that you have more options when you’re legally old enough to leave. It’s not fair but the stress that it’ll take off of your shoulders when you’re finally free from this situation will do wonders for your soul.
Good luck, OP. Just try your best to focus on the positives, like your bunny.” Affectionate_Salt351
10. AITJ For Considering Mailing My Childhood Home Key To My Distant Parents Without A Note?
“I (34f) have had some amazing things happen over the past year – I got married, bought a house, got promoted, graduated with my Master’s. When my now-husband proposed, I reached out to my family to let them know. None of them seemed particularly excited, and my mother hadn’t really been talking to me for a while.
She wouldn’t admit that there was a problem, but the last time I saw her, she didn’t even look at me.
Around December of 2020, I told her that I knew something was wrong and that if she couldn’t talk to me about it I didn’t want to talk to her until she was ready to talk about it.
I didn’t block her on anything, but she did delete me on social media, and I did cut contact. The door is always open if she decides to grow up. She missed my wedding, my graduation, etc.
My dad has kind of been distant too, which I get.
He admitted she was ticked about something but wouldn’t tell me what. He tried and failed to get her to talk to me.
I’m still in possession of a key to my childhood home where my parents still live. I’m thinking that, since it’s been over a year and all these major milestones have been missed, it’s time for me to give up this one last connection I have.
WIBTJ if I mailed the key back with no forewarning and no included note?”
Another User Comments:
“If you mail it back you are engaging in the emotionally unhealthy pageantry and becoming a willing participant. That makes you like them. Is that what you want?
Or will you continue to grow stronger and more self-sufficient in every aspect of your life? People as damaging as your parents seem to be do not feel remorse, or at least not the remorse you seem to be hoping for. This will not make you stronger – it will only keep you in their head-trip game.
You wouldn’t be the jerk, but you’d be weak, sad, and foolish.” HiveJiveLive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I mean, of course not, but I feel like we don’t have all the information here. Going off what we do know… Am I correct in saying that this happened right after you got engaged?
Perhaps she has a major issue with your now-husband or his family, something you know nothing about? Who knows. At any rate, not attending these life events and then refusing to discuss this with you or even connect on a basic level during the most important moments of your life, you would absolutely not be a jerk for mailing your parents your key.
I am sorry this happened, but don’t let that ruin the joy you now have. And congratulations on all of these things! All the best to you.” CherryPopcornGoddess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t think sending it without any kind of note will get the message across.
It’s probably best to write a letter explaining that you’re hurt by their passive aggressiveness. If you’re really sure that it’s time to lose the relationship you have with your parents (and that’s your decision, it sounds like it was a painful one and I won’t pretend to understand your family situation better than you do) then tell them that– be the bigger person and show them what communicating like an adult looks like.
I suspect it’ll be more of a weight off your chest and that way they can’t use the “vagueness” of the gesture to take advantage of any lingering guilt and wriggle their way back in when it suits them. If you’re still hoping for reconciliation at some future date tell them that too — but think up some firm, clear boundaries you want to keep for now and politely but firmly tell them you expect these boundaries to be respected if they want to continue a path to reconciliation.
Be prepared for them to try to undermine whatever you decide to do, and be prepared for them to possibly attempt to guilt and reject you as a way to try to manipulate you into a place where they keep all the “power” in the relationship.” counting_daisies
9. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mother's Comments About Our Baby's French Name?
“My husband and I have been keeping our baby’s name secret/are still finalizing it.
I have a rocky relationship with my mother but have been talking to her more as my pregnancy progresses (could have been a mistake on my part). One day, I accidentally slipped and said the frontrunner to the baby name, as my husband and I have been referring to him this way.
A couple of weeks later, I told her I really liked the name, and my husband and I were going to go through one last round of trying to name the kid. I was planning on bringing ridiculous names to that talk because I really wanted name #1.
Her response was “your kid is going to be made fun of in middle school with that name, here’s what they will call him.” My husband’s family is French-speaking and we have been planning on giving him a (very common) French name. She also went on about how if he has a French first and last name, people are going to assume he speaks French, and how awful that would be, and what if he doesn’t want to learn French.
She has always been a little bit odd about my in-laws and scowled through my wedding because she felt my side of the family wasn’t included enough (objectively untrue, as my dad did the ceremony and I gave her a special public thing as well).
I told her that these name comments were a little much and after a little bit of this, I told her she was starting to annoy me and it wasn’t great for her to speak about this name the way she was. She told me not to speak to her for a couple of days.
Today, she texts me to let me know how hurt she is that we haven’t spoken and that she’s really upset that I would be offended because she had been so supportive through the pregnancy. I haven’t responded because this seems super nuts and I was literally following a boundary she asked of me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – people are famous and successful with a variety of names so do what you want. but if she is saying these things as much as it sucks other people or yes classmates will too. It’s ok to know that and not let it deter you.
Just know the bullying part might be right, it also might be wrong. Some kids’ names you think would get bullied just have a personality where nobody challenges them and people love them. It’s a crap shoot.” Drew_P_Nuts
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like your mom is always causing drama.
Why do you enable her? Did you read your text above? Does the woman you describe as your mother sound like a nice person? To me, she doesn’t even appear to be a good person, never mind a nice person. Stop enabling her tantrums and dramatics.
Just treat her like the toddler she behaves like – some kind of time out or Naughty-Step? Or else, maybe laugh at her when she pulls these kinds of stunts? The latter might backfire though: manipulative drama queens such as your mom tend to make everything hard work.
NTJ.” Bruiscear
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is right in one aspect; with French first and last names people are gonna assume he’s French and speak French. But so what if they do? It’s not the end of the world. I had a co-worker who had a Swedish first name and her husband’s Finnish last name.
Phone operators and telemarketers would see the last name and call speaking to her in Finnish, which she doesn’t speak a lick of. She just laughed and told them to repeat in Swedish, please. The only ones embarrassed were them for making the assumption, which she thought was funny as heck.
Name your kid what you want. As long as it’s not offensive or ridiculous you’ll be fine. NTJ.” Remruna
8. AITJ For Obeying A New Teacher's Order To Show My Face And Then Getting Scolded?
“I had an accident when I was a baby and I lost my left eye. I don’t have an eye socket I could put a fake eye in, it’s just normal skin and some scars on a big patch of my face (they reconstructed my face with a later surgery this way).
The right side and the bottom half of my face are completely normal.
I have big side bangs that hide the left side of my face so I don’t freak anyone out and I don’t get weird looks. I’ve been going to the same school since I was 5, so the teachers and the kids know about it.
We got a new teacher this week. He started by asking us to go around and introduce ourselves. When it got to me, he was rude and asked me “do your parents know you come to school looking like this? It’s extremely disrespectful, fix your bangs, I want to see your face!”
So I obeyed and tucked my bangs behind my ear, showing the left side of my face. He gasped, his face turned red, my classmates laughed and he told me that I can let my bangs down.
Later that day, my head teacher came to me to scold me.
She told me I was wrong to “shock” the new teacher and I should’ve just told him about it.
Did I do anything wrong? I just obeyed his orders, it’s not my fault he ended up not wanting to look at my face. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the teacher put you in an awful position. Even if you were not missing an eye there are so many viable reasons why someone would want to ‘hide behind bangs.” That teacher bullied you. Yes, you should file a complaint. Have your parents do it if they are willing to go to bat.
That teacher has no business around kids.” Key_Transition_6036
Another User Comments:
“This reminds me so much of a situation at our school at around grade 8 or so. A schoolmate of ours had cancer and was going through chemo. Ergo she was bald and she always wore a hat to school.
A teacher told her to take it off (he probably just thought she had short hair). Various of us classmates told the teacher he should just leave it. Well, she then spoke up that she has cancer and would rather not and that luckily shut him up.
I don’t get why teachers don’t get these things shared by other teachers. It’s kids who have to go through enough, without having to go explain themselves to every new person…” VivAlina_YT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have bodily autonomy and can fix your hair the way you please.
There are obviously some exceptions, but this isn’t about those. That remark from the teacher is an outdated way of thinking (my mother has remarked on bangs in my face, I was an adult, ugh) and needs to go away. You complied with instructions, despite the disrespect shown towards your autonomy.
He got what he asked for, to see your face. Now, take your parents in, and bring both teachers in, and ask why you are being harassed for a medical condition, complying with instructions, and fixing your hair. And ask if you are responsible for those teachers’ feelings, both of their feelings because the second one seems to feel a degree of control over something that was handled already.” unicorn_345
7. AITJ For Sticking To My Plans When My Partner Unexpectedly Had His Son For The Weekend?
“My dad died on July 4th.
This year is the 10-year anniversary. For weeks now I have had a tubing trip, a visit with my sister, and a night spent with friends who are my family up at a campground (literally 20 minutes from home) planned for Saturday and Sunday. Monday and Tuesday I was going to spend at home with my partner (let’s call him T) and we were going to have a fire and enjoy the holiday and go visit my dad.
I told T this, I explained my plans in detail MANY times over the last few weeks, and he said it was fine.
Cue to this actual weekend, he unexpectedly has to keep his 10yo son (let’s call him K) for the weekend. I went out last night as planned, and this morning T called and asked if I wanted to go to the beach with him and K.
I said no because I had plans to meet with my sister and nephew and go up to the camp. Cue the freaking out. I got broken up with, told that I was a jerk for not spending time with him, and that I always run away when he has his kid.
Told to not come home, and if I want to “go out and be youthful, get the heck out.”
I’m so confused and SO heartbroken that of all the weekends, he chooses this one to do this to me. I am trying to understand where he’s coming from but I’m really struggling.
I had these plans made almost a month in advance and he was totally fine with it until it came to actually doing them. Please guys, am I the jerk here?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s his kid, not yours. It’s nice but not your responsibility to watch the kid.
And your partner knew about this trip. Sounds like the two of you don’t live together which is great. Because this whole behavior that you have to drop everything to help him with his child is not cool. Move on, do not apologize to him, don’t try to chat to understand, etc. just move on.” Annual-Contract-115
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. When he didn’t get exactly what he wanted, he showed you what he thinks of you and your relationship… not very much! 6 years is a long time so I have to guess that this behavior has happened in the past. Please care enough about yourself to believe him and his actions.
This is also an opportunity to see this as a huge but painful blessing. You now have the chance to not sink/waste more time on this person/relationship who thinks so poorly of you and doesn’t value you or your time.” BassoHaase
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m betting there is no communication between the actual mom and OP. That he ‘suddenly’ and ‘unexpectedly’ has to have his kid? How many times has he planned this for when OP is gonna be around, so he can run around on ‘work’ duty?
DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. Ten to one he demanded this weekend, so that he’d have a sitter, even if he had to manipulate OP into doing it. Very likely he has a hot Fourth of July date or event planned. This will be a case of ‘be careful what you wish for’, for HIM.
He wants her gone? OP will be gone, with no takebacks. I’m sorry you wasted years on him, but you learned a valuable lesson and at least you aren’t married or pregnant. You can have a clean, albeit painful, break.” AbbyFB6969
6. AITJ For Wanting To Be Invited To Family Events After Going Out With My Brother's Ex?
“I (20f) have a twin brother who’s decided I’m no longer allowed at family events. A little background, when we were kids our parents got divorced and I moved away with our dad. He passed away when we were 17 and I moved back to live with my brother, mother, and stepfather.
One day I met my brother’s partner, also 17 at the time, of about one and a half years. I didn’t know anyone, so I started hanging out with his partner, we became friends and she admitted to me that she thought she was into girls.
This eventually led to us hooking up behind my brother’s back and we eventually fell in love, this part I knew was wrong. The whole thing blew up one day and we were caught and my family and brother were devastated.
Fast forward to now and I’ve moved into a new place with my brother’s ex, who is now my partner.
I’ve spent the last 3 years mending my relationship with my brother and everyone seemed to have forgiven us. But now that my brother has been seeing his new partner for a while and started bringing her to family events, my partner and I haven’t been invited to any.
When I confronted my brother about it he told me it was because he doesn’t want me to take another girl from him. My mother agreed with him, but my stepfather agrees with me and thinks they’re being stupid. My partner is just keeping her head down and hasn’t really picked a side.
I think this is ridiculous because I’m not going to two-time my partner and I just want things to go back to normal. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you can’t give him a timeline of when to get over this. He hadn’t met this girl for coffee once.
He had been seeing her for a year and a half. For all you know in his head, he had planned their wedding, children, and future together. Just because YOU want things to be better doesn’t mean HE is ready. How would you feel if the situation were reversed?
Don’t just blow it off, really think about your answer. How would you feel?” Dopamineoftheweek
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Dude, you and his then SO two-timed him, and she is now your SO. And you wonder why he does not want you two around? You don’t get to decide when he’s ready to trust you and have you two in family events and introduce you to his new partner.
You realize that you hurt him, right? And he might be still hurting. You betrayed him, so now you wait and keep letting him know that you understand where he’s coming from and you’ll be there when he’s ready. Fighting this will only make it worse and make the process last longer.
Get over yourself, you made the choice to start a relationship with your twin brother’s partner, so you are not the person who decides when “things go back to normal”. Which they won’t, by the way. This whole situation is a direct consequence of your actions.” Rush_Electronic
Another User Comments:
“The audacity. Yes, YTJ. Someone else suggested smaller events with just the family and without your partner. That’s a good place to start. Nothing is stopping you from hosting events either. But I hope you are aware, you have a long, looooooong way to go to repair this relationship with your brother.
You feel bad about it…but neither of you felt badly enough about it that you ended the relationship, so, I don’t know that that is really true. And you both decided to hurt him in one of the worst ways possible because what, love conquers all or something?
Because your love was “special” and “once in a lifetime” and “it wouldn’t have worked out anyway”? Nothing was stopping her from dumping him before hooking up with you. Nothing was stopping YOU from saying “no, we can’t do this to him, dump him first”.
You can’t be surprised that your actions have consequences. Things are not ever going to be the same between you two, and you are either hopelessly naive or have staggeringly little self-awareness to think that it would ever go back to being what it was.
I’m optimistic that you will be able to get some sort of working relationship with your brother, only because he already hasn’t cut you out entirely. But you need to humble yourself and be grateful for even that while you work on proving to everyone that you’re trustworthy.
And that is going to take a long time.” RoseDelirium21
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Son To Take My New Husband's Last Name?
“I (27F) was previously married and have a 4-year-old son. When I was pregnant with my son, I discovered that my then-husband had been carrying on an affair for over a year.
I divorced him as quickly as I could. I gave my son my maiden last name instead of his father’s because his father ran off after I found out about the affair and basically wanted nothing to do with us.
Fast forward 4 years, and I have recently gotten remarried. My new husband has been in my son’s life pretty much since the beginning.
He’s a childhood friend, and he’s pretty much always been around. My son loves him and my husband wants to adopt him. Of course, my son loves this idea.
However, even though I took my husband’s last name, I don’t want my son to take it.
This is because, by taking my husband’s last name, my son would end up with the same name as a very popular fictional character (think Harry Potter). I don’t want my son to have that to carry around for the rest of his life.
My husband thinks I’m making too much of it and wants us all to have the same last name so that we will be more like a family. Normally I would agree and do it in a heartbeat, but I never would have chosen this first name for my son if this had been his original last name.
Should I just let it go? I’m not sure how to respond. He really wants to have my son be his son and to him that includes taking his name.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How about this: you get married, your new husband adopts your son, and he takes your last name.
Everyone gets the same last name that way. There is nothing legally required about a woman taking her husband’s last name. It’s merely a carry-over from an era when women were essentially “sold” to their husbands, becoming their property.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Names are tricky. I found myself in a similar situation when I married my wife. She had a child from a previous relationship, but I actually met her when she was still pregnant – so I’ve known the child their whole life. We started a relationship and eventually got married. My wife took my last name and I went through the adoption process to formally adopt her child.
I was beyond honored to adopt my wife’s child and give the child my last name. (child was 6 when adopted) My wife and I went on to have more children together and sharing a last name went a long way to making us a family.
There was no awkwardness at school trying to explain why one child had a different last name. No hurt feelings when we sent out Christmas cards that said, “From the ______ family”. We were united and there was never any distinction between the children. I can understand the concern with giving your son a name that may align with a popular fictional character, but I also know the power in a shared surname that unites a family.
Going to relatives with the same last name, being part of a larger tribe. It can make you feel like part of the family sharing a last name while having a different surname from your family can make you feel like you’re outside the family and not a part of the greater biological collective.” CrackedTick1776
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with go all or nothing. But Info: after the divorce, did you keep your ex’s name or go back to your maiden name? No one can predict now if your son (as an adult) would like to share the name with a character or not.
(It would make his internet privacy better). But, he may grow up feeling like a 3rd wheel if he’s the only one in the family with a different last name. By the age of 4, most kids highly identify with their first name, but not their last name.
I think your son’s last name should be the same as yours, whether that be your maiden or newly married. Meaning, if keeping his name the same is your hill to die on, don’t change your name to your new husband’s and leave him behind.” Girl_with_no_Swag
4. AITJ For Telling My Classmate To Cover Up Her Eczema Spots?
“I’m in the 8th grade and we’re doing senior trips all of this week.
Yesterday we went to a trampoline park. One of my classmates wore shorts, but she has eczema and has hyperpigmentation spots on her legs. On the right she has this really big one, and on the left she has multiple smaller ones. They’re all healed but it’s just hyperpigmentation that’s left.
Another one of our classmates who’s also my friend kept talking to me about the spots. And he even jokingly referred to them as cow spots or giraffe spots. And she heard us and got upset and told us “leave my legs out of your conversation.
I get enough crap from strangers thinking I’ll give their kids a disease.” And my friend told her to mind her business.
I told her “if you don’t want people talking about your legs, then cover them up.” And one of her friends came to play knight in shining armor and said “cover up and die of heatstroke?
Because it’s only getting hotter here in the Bronx, and no one is wearing sweats all the time.” A teacher then broke it up. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So, you are young and I want you to think about this. There are a lot of things wrong here.
First, shaming someone for what they look like is wrong. Attacking someone for body weight or for skin color is wrong. Making fun of what someone’s skin looks like is wrong. Second, telling someone that they have to dress a certain way to avoid unwanted attention is victim blaming.
You told this poor person that it was her fault someone else wasn’t being respectful. Third, when one of her friends did stand up for her, you made fun of his actions and told him to butt out—even though you and your friend were already butting into the victim’s business.
Fourth, you justify saying she needs to cover up by saying she has done so in the past. Past decisions don’t force someone to do the same moving forward. Maybe she did wear jeans and that’s how she decided she was too hot this time.
Maybe she changed her mind about what is comfortable. Right now is the time to take in the fact that someone can change their mind about what they are comfortable with and people need to respect the new boundary. YTJ.” allosaurusfromsd
Another User Comments:
“Girl: “Don’t talk about my legs.” You: “it’s not your business if I talk about your legs.” You: “cover them up if you don’t want me to talk about them.” You: “am I a jerk?”
I’m sorry, what did you think you were if not a jerk? So everyone with pigmentation has to cover up now because you and your jerk friend can’t mind your own business about other people’s bodies? Out of curiosity, do you talk crap about people with disabilities when you see them too?
YTJ. Duh.” Theyneverputyoufirst
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I’ve got a lot of scarring up and down my body, mostly my arms and legs. Some of it is due to accidents, and some of it is due to skin issues. I used to be really self-conscious about it, until I decided that forget it.
If people don’t want to see it, don’t look. I actually went away on a weekend trip with a bunch of people last weekend, and it was the first time many of them saw my scars because they’d never seen me in a bikini.
I would have been a lot less nice than this girl if someone had given me grief like you and your friend did. Something along the lines of “Well, I have to see your stupid face all the time, and somehow, I can manage not to make dumb jokes about it, without demanding you put a paper bag over your head to stop me.”” TheGrimDweeber
3. AITJ For Telling Grandma She Shouldn't Babysit A Non-English Speaking Child?
“My grandma often babysits. I don’t mind helping her in the slightest, that’s not my problem. My problem is that one kid she watches speaks not a word of English. He’s about 5-6 years old, and he’s not that bad of a kid.
He’s well-behaved and mostly plays on his tablet, but every time he speaks, nobody knows a word he’s saying. My grandma expects me to translate since I took Spanish in high school, but I barely understand what he’s saying too. And she doesn’t seem to understand that I can’t be her translator for him.
I told her that she shouldn’t watch a kid who speaks a language she doesn’t understand because once I get a new job I won’t be around to help her and try to translate. I know he’s just a kid, and I hold nothing towards him in this, but my grandma really doesn’t know how to understand the situation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your concern completely makes sense; babysitting kids is a huge responsibility and anyone doing so should be able to understand them when they express their wants/needs. However, you can explain the situation to the parents, and if they don’t find that it’s important that you understand their kid then I think it’s their call and it would be fine for your grandmother to continue babysitting the kid.” whatisthislol21
Another User Comments:
“ESH – your grandmother for expecting you to translate when you’re not really equipped to do so and did not agree to it, but you for thinking you have the right to decide who should babysit someone else’s kid. That’s a decision for the kid’s parent(s) and the babysitter, and you are neither.
You are within your rights to refuse to act as a translator, but you don’t have the right to tell her she shouldn’t be babysitting him. Maybe the parent(s) wanted to place him with an English-speaking babysitter so he might pick up some English.
Or maybe they just can’t afford any other option. Whatever the case, as long as the kid is safe with your grandmother, that’s all that matters, and there’s no reason I can see that he isn’t safe. You just don’t want to be the translator, which is fair (again, it’s unfair of your grandmother to expect you to get involved in a choice she made), but you shouldn’t be accusing your grandmother of wrongdoing in babysitting him because you don’t want to translate.
Just be honest and tell her you don’t want to translate because you’re not equipped to do so reliably, it wasn’t your choice, and you’re not getting paid to do so. She agreed to babysit him, it’s her responsibility to figure out how to communicate with him.
Show her how to use a translation app, or recommend her a Spanish language book or something, but you don’t get to decide who she should or shouldn’t babysit.” minicooperlove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is so unfair to that kid. Imagine how frustrating it must be for him to have a caregiver who he can’t speak to, form a close connection with, or even be understood by.
How frustrated would you be if the person taking care of you didn’t understand you? Craving strawberries for a snack? Sucks for you because no one knows what you’re saying. Had a hard day at school and need to talk it out? Well, that’s not an option with your English-speaking caregiver.
He’s a little kid. But he doesn’t get to go home and play, he sits on his iPad because neither of you speaks the language to play with him. It’s just really sad for his poor little boy. (And expecting someone who took high school Spanish to be able to translate at all is delusional, let alone translating the misspoken and odd sentences of a young child).” JustheBean
2. AITJ For Not Finishing My Stepdaughter's Favorite Book And Lying About It?
“My stepdaughter and I don’t have much in common, but I’ve worked hard to cultivate a good relationship with her.
We even all went to family therapy leading up to and following the wedding so we could make sure we were all on the same page. One thing that came up was my stepdaughter mentioning we don’t have much to talk about. The therapist recommended learning about each other’s interests.
My stepdaughter asked me if I’d like to read her favorite book (Pride and Prejudice), and I said that sounded like a good idea. She loaned me one of her copies (she has three) to read. It’s been a few months, but I have made very little progress on this book and to be honest, mostly given up.
It’s so boring. Even when I force myself to read it, I find myself not retaining anything because my mind wanders.
I tried to take a shortcut by watching a movie adaptation (which I also didn’t enjoy at all) but there’s so much stuff missing that she realized I hadn’t read the book.
Now she’s upset and doesn’t really want to talk to me. My husband said he gets it but I should just try to force myself to read it or watch the more accurate adaptation (which is SIX hours long). My MiL is FURIOUS with me and said I’m a brat and nasty person for disappointing her granddaughter like this.
I didn’t do it on purpose. It’s just hard to read stuff written with antiquated language about a boring topic. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Pride and Prejudice is a classic and a short easy read. As a classic, it can easily be viewed with a critical eye and deals with a lot of topics that are very current.
A woman’s value being tied to marriage. A person’s wealth determining worthiness. Predatory behavior towards young women. The fact that you aren’t even willing to dedicate 6 hours to a mini-series that does the book justice just shows how ambivalent you are towards your stepdaughter. You could have been honest about having difficulty reading it and offered to read it together a chapter at a time or asked her to watch the series with you, but you took a lazy shortcut.
And lied about it until you were called out. You seem to only want the relationship on your terms without any sincere effort. You owe your stepdaughter an apology and some sincere effort. YTJ.” A-typ-self
Another User Comments:
“Ok so disclaimer I love Pride & Prejudice!
But if you really can’t get into the book (I get not everyone will love it or maybe just isn’t a ‘reader’ in general) why don’t you get hold of the BBC adaptation? I’ve watched this with my family including Dad & brother who definitely would never read the book and even they enjoyed it.
But more importantly, this can be something you do together with your stepdaughter. Watch 1 episode a week – that’s 6 weeks of bonding time & showing a genuine interest/commitment to building a relationship with her!” cherryglitz
Another User Comments:
“YTJ the issue isn’t that you didn’t read the book it’s that you lied about having done so.
I wouldn’t want to read Pride and Prejudice either but I would have explained to her I was finding it difficult to read as it’s not my kind of book and then asked her why she finds it so interesting. What big things happen later on, who is her favorite character, and why she likes them then you could give it another go and see if you can see what she sees.
Then if she still can’t you read a few chapters and then ask her questions about what you have read and what you think and explain that you’re finding it hard still but you’re happy to talk about the bits you’ve read and you’ll keep going.
Maybe even suggest watching the movie together so she can explain a bit about why she likes it so much or explain in what way the books are different. There are so many ways you could have handled this and all it would have taken was a bit of honesty.
If you really want this to work then you have to be honest with her and explain why a) you didn’t read it and b) why you lied about it.” Mamaknowsbest45
1. AITJ For Telling My Niece She Was Acting Like A Child?
“My wife and I both lost our jobs due to our workplace shutting down and have been living with my sister and her daughter while we get back on our feet, we’re saving up to hopefully have an apartment before winter.
My niece (20) is a fairly nice girl but she is rather spoiled, sensitive, and can’t seem to handle not getting her way. My sister is fairly well off and a single mother so she seems to have no issue giving her daughter whatever she wants either, which just makes her more spoiled. That girl will literally break down sobbing over something useless like not getting pizza for dinner.
My niece also has an annoying obsession with K-pop. It’s like her whole personality surrounds it as it’s all she ever wants to talk about. She can tell you every detail about her favorite idol, has hundreds of pictures and videos saved, and owns about every album or merchandise piece for her favorite groups.
I try my best to tolerate it since it is her house but the constant obsessing over a music genre I can’t stand is pretty annoying.
She failed to get tickets to a concert for one of her favorite groups recently and ever since she’s been almost unbearable.
She’s constantly crying and whining about how badly she wanted to go, locks herself in her room to sulk, and is overall just throwing a fit about it. I don’t know whether she wants us to sympathize with her or if she thinks being a child will magically make tickets appear but after last night I had enough of her whining.
My niece was ranting to her mom during dinner about how she checked again and the concert was still sold out and I finally just snapped at her. I didn’t raise my voice but told her flatly she was acting like a child and needed to grow up because no one cares she didn’t get tickets to her darn concert that she couldn’t afford anyway.
She got emotional and snapped back that she worked hard to try and get them and it meant a lot to her. I told her wasting money on all of this was foolish and she argued at least she could while I was stuck being bitter and ruining her fun.
This ticked me off even more and I told her that maybe if she stopped obsessing so much over some random Korean boys that will never know of or care about her existence maybe she could actually learn how to save money and be a proper adult people wanted to be around instead of a spoiled brat who always relies on her mom for everything.
She broke down crying and went to lock herself in her room for the rest of the night. My sister called me a jerk and told me to apologize because she’s still a kid and her interests don’t concern me. When my wife found out she said what I told her was probably right but I could have been nicer because I knew my niece was sensitive.
Honestly, I felt like this would be a good wake-up call for her but apparently, I was too harsh, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for taking such aggressive verbal action without first consulting your sister, who is fully capable of deciding how she wants to engage with her adult daughter/how much she wants to permit on her turf.
It’s hard when we see a situation as being a clear example of right or wrong, but our voices and opinions aren’t always needed or wanted in a situation, especially when it comes to family dynamics. You could have easily quietly pulled your sister aside to discuss this with her privately, but instead, you thrust yourself uninvited into an already tense situation and turned it into a nuclear disaster for everyone.
There were ways to go about this that could’ve actually helped your niece more in the long run — if your sister asked for help, that is — but you let your temper get the better of you and are now trying to excuse your temper as being a ‘wake-up call’ despite the fact you’re a guest in their house and are benefiting from your sister’s generosity just as much as your niece is.
Just think — maybe you could’ve bonded with your niece over her K-pop hobby and began to gradually present a positive influence to her that might’ve helped her mature on her own terms. Instead, your temper cost you that chance.” one_1f_by_land
Another User Comments:
“When I was 20 I spent every dollar on rock shows. I’d have spit in your face and we’d have fought for sure right at the table because it’s my money and none of your business. And my mom would have kicked you out that very night because it ain’t your business.
I had a full-time job so a little different, but yeah, you’re the jerk living off your sister and getting mad at HER CHILD for doing the same thing at 20 that you’re probably doing at 40. You both lost your jobs? Cry me a river. Both of y’all go get 2 jobs if you have to and stand on your own 2 feet.
I’ve worked 3 jobs before for 3 months because it was necessary. Companies are throwing buckets of cash at people trying to get employees and y’all 2 grown adults can’t afford your own place? Nonsense. Man up and do what’s necessary and stop getting mad at a kid because you ain’t supporting yourself.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And it’s not just a matter of delivery. You have no right to comment on how she spends her money (or how she would spend her money if she could get the tickets) end of story. Here’s why I think you’re in the wrong:
1. Do you read her bank statements? You don’t know what she can afford. Even if she’s not working or has a low-paying job she could have money saved up from somewhere else. Even if your sister was going to pay, if she’s fine with it you should be fine with it.
2. Just because you’re having money issues doesn’t mean she has to save like you do.
3. Your sister is right. Why do you care so much that your niece likes K-pop? I had two roommates who were obsessed with country music, which I don’t like, but I was never as bothered as you seem to be.
I would just smile and nod when they talked about their favorite singers. It sounds like you’ve never learned how to deal with people with different interests or with people who might not pick up social cues to stop talking about a certain subject
4. You don’t speak to a grown woman this way.
You’re not her parent.
5. Even if you do think of her as a kid, it’s disrespectful to “correct” someone else’s kid in front of them. It’s like saying that your sister is not a good enough parent so you’ll step in.
6. You’re already imposing on them.
I know your sister is the one who is likely dealing with the added expenses of hosting you, but I’m sure your niece would also prefer to not have you up in her space. You should try to be pleasant. All this said I understand that you are probably under a lot of stress.
Hopefully, everyone will have time to calm down and realize this was not you at your best.” [deleted]
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