People Need To Know What We Think Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
30. AITJ For Defending My Aunt Against My Great Aunt-In-Law?
“My aunt “Emily” is married to my uncle “Jeff.” That makes Jeff’s mother “Linda” my great aunt-in-law, which is how I know her. Linda has never been discrete about the fact that she doesn’t like Emily.
Emily’s always been nice to Linda, but Linda is always super rude to her. Linda’s super sexist against women despite being a woman herself. She says things like how Emily would be a homemaker if she were a good wife and actually cared about Jeff.
Despite Emily and Jeff earning about the same amount, Linda also has this weird logic that Emily is “stealing Jeff’s money” because they aren’t actively trying for a baby. Most of the adults in the family make excuses for Linda’s rudeness and sexism because “she’s old” and “it was a different time.” So you can’t call her out without becoming the bad guy.
Jeff, Emily, and my parents are basically the only adults in the family not constantly making excuses for her.
Emily’s dad (my actual grandpa) has had mobility issues for a while. Before he was staying in a gated community for older adults, but it started getting really expensive to live there and he and Emily both agreed they’d be happier if my grandpa lived with her.
Jeff had no problem with it since he and my grandpa get along really well. But Linda threw a fit when she found out. She said that my grandpa couldn’t move in because they “had” to keep an open bedroom in case Linda needed to move in.
Jeff put his foot down with Linda, and during a family barbeque, Linda was complaining to anyone who would listen how Emily “poisoned” Jeff against her, that it’s the woman’s job to take care of her husband’s family, and even said it was “unfortunate” for my grandpa that he didn’t have a son.
Linda turned to me and told me that she hopes I’ll not be like Emily and “do what’s right” when I have my own husband. I was really annoyed with Linda, so I told her that women have more purpose in life than just obeying their husbands’ families.
This is the part where I may be the jerk, but I then commented that “It’s no wonder your daughter doesn’t talk to you.” Linda’s daughter is no contact with her (likely for the kind of attitudes and behaviors listed above.)
Linda caused a scene and ended up going home early.
My parents defended me but the rest of the adults there (Emily and Jeff weren’t present) told me my behavior was unacceptable. They agreed that a lot of the things Linda says are “outdated/old-fashioned” but I have to remember that she’s old and I can’t judge people from a different time for not having a modern viewpoint.
They all said that someday I’m gonna grow up and be embarrassed of myself now for “picking on” an elderly woman, my own great aunt-in-law, no less, and then told my parents that they’ve raised a brat. I know bringing Linda’s relationship with her daughter into it was a low blow, and the majority of the adults in this situation said I was the jerk.
So I’m looking for neutral perspectives on here.”
Another User Comments:
“She’s an adult. She doesn’t get a free pass to be rude because she’s old. She’s old enough to know better and everybody telling you otherwise is ridiculous. Would they accept racism from her?
Homophobia? Other hatred? I sincerely hope not, but the point is you don’t have to accept it. She lives in the modern world and she has to deal with it. Old is not an excuse to be a jerk. NTJ at all.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is not Great aunt-in-law. Great aunt-in-law would be your SO’s Great aunt. Linda is literally nothing to you and I don’t understand how or why you interact with her. Also, “You’ll regret that when you grow up” is for getting bangs or going through a goth phase not standing up to horrible people.” CinderRebel
29. AITJ For Paying A Bill With Venmo Instead Of A Credit Card?
“My fiancé had to go into the office today while I was at home, and I was still wrapping up an appointment with a landscaper when a guy arrived to drop off some rugs of my fiancé’s that he had professionally cleaned.
As soon as the rug guy had brought the rugs inside and set them down, he presented me with the invoice and asked “Venmo, Zelle or check?”
I didn’t realize I would have to pay for the (very expensive) rug cleaning, but wanted to be helpful and paid the guy via Venmo.
As soon as he left, I saw that my fiancé had called me while I was paying, and I called him right back to tell him I had Venmo’d the guy, would Venmo request him for reimbursement, and the rugs looked great.
His response was to get super angry and berate me incessantly for paying without asking him if Venmo was the way he wanted to pay. All day long he has continued to chastise me, calling me an “idiot”, “financially irresponsible”, and having “no common sense” because I should have somehow known that he wanted to use his credit card for the points.
I believe that if he wanted to use his credit card, he should have communicated that to me – he scheduled the drop off himself and told me they would be coming within a certain time window days in advance, so he had plenty of time to let me know his preference.
He believes that the onus is on me, and I should have either A: anticipated that he would want the points and refuse the options the rug guy presented in order to coordinate a way to pay by credit card or B: made the guy wait while I call him and ask him how he wants me to pay.
I’ve said repeatedly that I believe I deserve an apology, and that he can’t be this awful to me (calling me names, continuing all day to reprimand me for not doing what he thought I should do) when he could have simply let me know in advance that he hadn’t paid yet and would want to pay by card, but he refuses to apologize, feels completely justified, and remains so furious at me that he’s sleeping in another room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How are they going to say you’re financially irresponsible when they’re having a meltdown over missing some credit card points? You deserve more than an apology. Calling you an idiot is messed up. Leave the jerk before it’s too late.
They seem abusive and the fact he feels justified makes it seem like it will only get worse. Also the whole thing is his fault. He’s schedule irresponsible and can’t even own up to it” Aztimoth
Another User Comments:
“Of course, NTJ. Please don’t buy into his narrative.
He’s demanding, controlling, manipulative, and says you’re an “idiot”? Why would you subject yourself to his behavior? Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you this way?” katg913
28. AITJ For Not Changing My Last Name After Divorce To Match My Ex-Husband's Request?
“My ex-husband “Alan” (34) and I divorced around August of last year. We have two young children together that I have sole custody and conservatorship of, but he gets visitation (which he rarely takes).
He was very toxic to me, especially towards the end of the relationship, and is still pretty hostile towards me. Let’s just say I regret not pressing charges.
We were officially divorced around August, but he moved out of the house towards the beginning of the year.
He told me he was seeing someone a month after he asked for a divorce. He is now on partner #3 (“Brandy”) since then (that I know of) and has said each partner was “serious” and he was certain they would be in his life “long term”.
I have never asked for this information, he volunteers it.
Over the past month, Alan has asked me three times to change my last name back to my maiden name instead of keeping his. In his first request, and before I even asked, he told me he refuses to explain why and that he has “personal reasons” for wanting this change.
I told him then, that it was very important to me to have the same last name as our kids. Not just for my own personal feelings, but as the parent with sole custody because I didn’t want schools, doctors offices, etc to constantly ask for proof I was their mother/guardian since my last name did not match theirs.
I said if he consented to our children changing their last name to mine, I would happily change my name back to my maiden name, otherwise, I would keep my current last name.
Long story short, he has been quite upset at my response.
Today he told me that he and Brandy are engaged and she is very upset I am “refusing” to change my name.
I once again told him that I am not refusing and presented him with the two options I have stated. He became very hostile and told me that my request was “raising a lot of red flags” and that if he allowed the kids to change their names, it would seem as if he abandoned them, whereas if I change my last name, it would have no impact on anyone.
I asked him if he really thought it was ok for me to change my last name, and would have no impact on our kids, even though, according to him, him changing his last name would. He agreed and said because I have the kids more, my last name would not matter.
In this year he has only picked the kids up ONCE for his visitation, and seen them twice besides that.
So Reddit, AITJ for not wanting to change my last name?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As an educator with a divorce, I kept my husband’s name aka my children’s last name.
Why? Because like it or not, the name in the “system” or “computer” matters and that’s the one that people assume is the mother. Not trying to get into the feminist arguments about it; it’s reality. I couldn’t bear to not be the first one called from the school.
Doesn’t matter that Brandy will be the same last name maybe…You’re still going to be listed as “mother.”” skoolisgud
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it is NOT his call. Ignore him on that. Every time. “Brandy” will get over it. And her upset is definitely NOT your concern either.” PsiBlaze
Another User Comments:
“First of all NTJ. My wife changed her last name to mine when we got married, and it was a nightmare. If we were to do it again, I’d tell her not to bother….. so knowing that, if you don’t mind the name you currently have, don’t waste your time changing it… that said, for him, you may consider saying “uh huh.
sure.” And do nothing about it, just as an insult to him.” fluteofski-
27. AITJ For Snapping At A Stranger Who Touched My Post-Surgery Scar On The Bus?
“About a week into June I was taking the bus home alone with shorts on, it was my first time wearing shorts since the surgery I had on my left leg that left behind a giant scar that goes from my ankle to my knee.
It isn’t exactly gruesome but I guess it’s a little off-putting to see on a girl of my size since I’m fairly thin and am in the 5ft radius. I also have a very childlike voice and face. As I was taking the bus an older man had hopped on and had came and sat diagonally from me in perfect view of the scar, he’d kept staring at it which I’d originally tried to ignore until he kept pointing out the scar out loud to everyone on the bus putting unwanted attention on me, he then went to touch it poking it quite hardly which though the surface area of the wound is healed it is still sore with enough pressure to the area, I had snapped in pain slapping the man’s hand away and then yelled at him creating a big public scene which ended in me storming off the bus and calling my mother to pick me up but the more I sit with the memory in my head the more I feel I could’ve handled the situation better so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely, 100% NEVER the jerk in that situation. Strangers should NEVER touch you without your permission. You did the right thing removing yourself from the situation, and he’s lucky he got away with a slap on the hand and a scolding.
NTJ.” Intelligent_Box_3718
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For a moment, I thought you might be my daughter writing this, as she is recovering from a major left leg surgery too, but knee to hip, so not her. If I ever got wind that someone poked my daughter on her surgery scar, I would go ballistic.
That man had no right to touch you. What he did is assault if you’re in the USA, and you could have pressed charges. He caused you physical pain by touching you without your permission. Take care, and use cocoa or shea butter on those scars after each and every shower/bath.
If anyone touches you again, scream assault. Get well soon.” Just-Contribution418
Another User Comments:
“You are DEFINITELY NTJ. How DARE he treat you that way? Who does he think he is, poking and prodding at the body of a stranger? This makes me so angry!” Competitive-Way7780
26. AITJ For Asking My Neighbors To Stop Setting Off Illegal Fireworks That Scare My Horses?
“I (a 30 y/o property owner) own a horse farm and breed horses, which during foaling (birthing) season can be a stressful time for mares and humans. However, these neighbors recently started launching illegal fireworks (aerial stuff that goes 50 or 100ft up) and it has freaked out my pregnant mares and nearly caused some accidents with clients.
I went down and said “Hey, the fireworks are causing some issues with the safety and well-being of horses and riders down here, do you mind toning it down?” I was met with “We’ve lived here 50 years and you’re gonna tell us what to do on our property??” Among other things.
All I asked for was just a heads-up if they’re going to launch them. I get that it’s the summer and holidays and whatnot, but basically I was met with “fireworks > neighbor safety”. I then researched my state laws and indeed only ground or handheld stuff is legal. It’s also a Thursday night and not a holiday.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ. They’re causing problems that are affecting you, your business, and the animals you work to take care of. They’re the jerks for doing this completely unnecessarily, even if it was legal. The fact that they’re using illegal fireworks is not only a mean move, it’s scary.
Contact some degree of authority before they continue being a nuisance at best, and cause an uncontrolled fire at worst.” DoctorObservation
Another User Comments:
“As a fellow horse owner, you are absolutely NTJ. That is so incredibly dangerous if you’re not prepared for it.
It’s one thing to set them off on the Fourth of July because people are prepared for that, but to do it now without warning someone is a jerk move. My neighbors used to do that all the time and twice when I had my puppy outside to go to the bathroom she got so scared she took off for hours in the middle of the night.
This was a town with a fair amount of houses around it too. Suffice it to say I was really upset.” User
25. AITJ For Confronting My Ex And Former Best Friend In Public?
“For some background, I met my ex-partner when we were in 5th grade.
So obviously I know him and how he operates. In our college years things changed, he grew disconnected and kept talking to himself and I assumed he was just grieving his sister and that he’d (hopefully) get over it, then one day he started talking to me about these dreams he had and how they started coming true one after the other but in no particular order.
I tried to explain to him how impossible this was and even did some research and set up a small explanation sit down for the both of us. He told me to forget it and didn’t bring it up again after that. He started becoming sadder and sadder and kept ranting to my best friend about these dreams because she wouldn’t stop indulging him and eventually, I cut her off from listening to him and stopped letting them speak because she kept telling him to try and ‘prevent’ things.
I told him to get new hobbies and things because they may just be directly affecting how he sees the world. (He was into horror at the time.)
Eventually he broke up with me and told me I just kept trying to change him and he kicked me out of our shared apartment.
That leads us to this afternoon I’m in the grocery store and I see my old best friend, him, and two kids. I’m considerably upset because she knew how much I loved him. When I confronted them they laughed at me and said I was ridiculous for making their ‘peaceful life’ all about me.
I called her a heartless monster and we got into a shouting match before the security forced me to leave.
Not only was I forced to leave my cart full of groceries behind, but I then saw that they both made posts talking about how grateful they were for one another.
They’re beyond petty for doing this to me and I feel I was in the right to be upset. AITJ for this??”
Another User Comments:
“Holy main character syndrome! YTJ They’re not “doing this to you”. You do not factor into their life. They’re not compatible, in love, or have children together because of you or to get back at you.
In all, good for them. You were an unsupportive and controlling partner and he recognized the poor treatment, broke up, and found someone compatible. Time to move on, yeah?” Mmm_hummus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ How are you not the jerk? You disregarded your ex and his feelings.
If you loved him, you would have listened to him. You didn’t. He was hurting Then you caused a scene because he found comfort with someone who did? It has been far too long (two kids worth) and you need to move on. YTJ.” Potential_Ad_1397
24. AITJ For Not Spending Enough Time With My Lonely Roommate?
“At the end of last year, my flatmate and I moved into a shared apartment together, just the two of us. We’re both in our thirties. I met them a few years ago through a mutual friend and while we weren’t super close before moving in, we have some things in common and we got along.
We started looking for a place together because we were unhappy in our previous shared places, and we wanted to live in the same part of the city.
I have a really intense job and sometimes work 50+ hour weeks. During the week, I like to chill out at home after a busy day and read a book or study.
If my flatmate is around, we’ll watch movies together, share dinner, or get a takeaway. At the weekends, I prefer to get out of the house and see my long-term partner or close friends. We live in a big city and we’re all really busy, so it can be tricky for us to make plans.
A few months ago my flatmate got intoxicated and texted me while I was away visiting family. They said they were sick of me never being around and that they “wake up alone every weekend and wonder if this is what [they] signed up for.” They also complained that I went away for a long weekend with my parents and didn’t text them (my flatmate) much while I was gone.
In the moment I felt really anxious and placated them, but as time has gone by I feel like they were out of line. I know they’re lonely; their friends are all in relationships, meanwhile they haven’t been out with anyone in a long time.
I don’t feel like I should be held responsible for their loneliness or happiness. I pay my share, I’m clean and tidy, and I’m quiet as a mouse when I’m here.
AITJ? On the one hand I think absolutely not. On the other, I wonder if I’m somehow being cruel or uncaring, or not really ‘fulfilling my role’ as a flatmate.
It’s really got me questioning if I’m behaving poorly somehow.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t owe a roommate being there on weekends. They need to find other people to hang out with. It isn’t your responsibility” 11treetrunk
Another User Comments:
“Being flatmates is a shared living situation, not a relationship.
For all practical purposes, the person who lives in the other room well might have been living in the apartment across the hallway. Wouldn’t it seem strange – and borderline creepy – if the next-door neighbor starts shaming you for not spending enough quality time with them?
That said, it might be a good idea to talk (not text) with flatmate, and define your expectations and boundaries.” Ok_Bookkeeper_3481
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. You both get on well and don’t have any problems living together and it also sounds as if you create a good, positive dynamic when you’re there.
But your friend needs to make his own social life. It’s quite normal that anyone in their 30s is going to have a demanding job and a partner of some kind, plus friends and family commitments. You’re just living life like a normal well-adjusted person.” Yikes44
23. AITJ For Refusing To Cut My Long Hair Before Attending A Concert?
“I’m an 18-year-old guy.
I unfortunately have a receding hairline already and it’s very noticeable. Problem is I love having long hair but even with a nice haircut my hairline is far more noticeable when cut. My mother HATES my long hair. She is very entitled and I plan to post about her.
Let’s call her “Lizard” for Liz. Anyway I got my wristband for Inkcarceration of 2023. My mother is not going I’m actually going with a family friend and her father. I’ve known them both since I was 3 years old. My family friend gets her ticket and my mother tells me.
Mind you I’m sick at the moment and it’s 8:30 am so I’m still processing the day. She yells back
Lizard: “You’re going to have to get a haircut.”
Me: “No. I’m not there’s no need.”
Lizard: “Yes you will or you’re not going.”
Me: “I already paid and have the ticket.”
Lizard: “Well I know family doesn’t want to be seen with you looking like trash.”
Me: “I don’t look like trash.”
Lizard: “Yes you do every time you go out you look trashy. I’ll just tell her you don’t want to look decent and that you can find another ride.”
Mind you we live in south Eastern Ohio and this is taking place in Columbus. So it’s about an hour and a half drive she claims she knows family friend takes time to look nice and dress well to go out in public she’s a very beautiful girl so she kinda of shows it off in skimpy really expensive clothes but we’re going to see flipping Gwar, Megadeth, Slipknot!
Who I’ve been dying to see my entire life before they disband and I just plan to wear a Nirvana t-shirt jeans and Converse with some rings on and wrist jewelry. So am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is just looking for a way to be controlling.
You are an adult. Even if your hair is truly the ugliest rat nest to exist, she cannot make you cut it off. My partner has a “bad” hairline, (deep widow’s peak) and it’s definitely least noticeable when his hair is longer. If you like your hair long, keep it.
If you’re worried about looking ‘trashy’, make sure to brush it beforehand. Otherwise, ignore her. Also, long hair on men is real normal in the alt scene, you’ll be fine lol Literally no one will give your hair a second thought.” YearOutrageous2333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are an adult. It’s not like you are 8 years old and still need mommy to pick your haircut for you. She should mind her own business with this one, you are your own person, with your own taste and fashion choice. I bet she wouldn’t like it if you were about to go somewhere together and you said “you are NOT wearing that.
Family doesn’t want to be seen with you dressed like this.”” Calm_Pay8009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your hair, you’re an adult (even if you weren’t, it’s still your hair). I grew up here in Cbus and you absolutely will not look out of place here with long hair, and most certainly not at Inkcarceration lol (side note- I just looked up where it’s gonna be, holy that’s gonna be so creepily awesome at the Reformatory!!!!)” floranhatesguilder
22. AITJ For Changing Plans To Give My Wife Some Rest?
“So… I woke up today around 5.40.
I work and also take care of our daughter (9 months) at night. So today I woke up after sleeping for 4 hours because nights are difficult (her teeth are coming out). My wife who is on maternity leave sleeps with our son (3 years). Today I have a free day so when they woke up soon after us and I saw her tired I sent her to sleep (she usually wouldn’t go but today she did)… After that, I dressed up children, cleaned up and took them out – to the bakery for breakfast. After that, we walked for a while (our son loves walks) so she can have some peace at home… When I came home I told her I’ll take our son shopping in an hour.
She was supposed to go (we talked about that yesterday) but I thought she’ll be happy to rest with our daughter (she’s less work than our son). She got angry and didn’t talk to me for a few hours after which I asked repeatedly what happened and was told that she was supposed to meet her friend outside and that our son is looking forward to go with me now (I didn’t tell him that we’ll go out again, she did while she was angry).
I never said she could not go (in fact nobody went shopping after the argument). Now I understand she was angry about the change of plans but I never said anything just like that. I asked if she’d be happy If I went and took our son….
I understand she’s tired and maternity leave ain’t no holiday and I’m trying to help as much as I can (sleeping with our daughter so she can sleep now, I always play with children, take our son for trips as soon as I’m home from work, I do my part of housework) but I’m tired as these things are always happening.
I even understand it’s hard to function after two births and she doesn’t have much company besides me… But I just feel I didn’t deserve this. So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You sound really helpful and thoughtful and what you did was really lovely.
However, it’s likely you’re both just really tired and ‘in the trenches’ of parenthood. My husband and I frequently argued over really dumb things when our kids were at that stage – mostly just because of exhaustion I think. That part gets easier once the kids are older.
Your wife definitely didn’t need to react the way she did, but I don’t feel comfortable calling her a Jerk too because I’ve definitely had moments I’m not proud of when my kids were those ages. Though seriously, attending the baby overnight is amazing haha.
My husband never did that so kudos to you for being so on it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wife is stretched thin and it’s unfortunate that she didn’t handle this particular situation better. Hopefully, she apologizes soon. You were only trying to help, and had no idea that your suggestion, with the intent of easing her day, would cause a conflict with other plans for the wife.
When we judge jerks.. intent is important. Honest mistakes made in situations where reasonable people would not see a downside do not make people jerks. Intentionally messing up, or even having good intentions but being oblivious to reality can push that slider back towards Jerk… Neither of those things appear to have happened here.” ValidDuck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I just think you need to both communicate more, she could have told you about her friend, and you could have not assumed she wanted to sleep in. Seems like no malice, but just irritation.” Bushido_Jo
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share Leftover Life Insurance Money With My Uncle?
“My grandfather recently passed and left no beneficiary for his life insurance policy, I since had to source all the documents and begin the claim process to get the funds and plan his funeral.
As I was his grandson I had no paperwork directly indicating I was his grandson and had to have one of my uncles fill out a deed of indemnity to show he was a next of kin to receive the payment.
We have now received it after a few weeks of me finding and sending through paperwork and it had to be paid to his account which we agreed to then send to me so I could pay our funeral director and arrange to have his and my grandmother’s headstones engraved. (My grandfather was never able to bring himself to get it done)
Within the first 20 minutes of receiving the payment his now asking me for some portion of whatever is left over before I’ve even started making payments despite the massive inheritance he will be receiving.
I’ve told him whatever money there is left from the funeral will be for the headstones, if anything is left I’m unsure of what to do with it as it doesn’t feel right to keep but not does he deserve to just take it?
AITJ for not wanting to just give him the money? And what would you personally do with the remaining amount?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your uncle sounds super selfish. Just to CYA – I’d keep a spreadsheet of the funds received and what you spent it on (getting and saving ALL receipts).
At the end, send everything to him. Keep saying you’ll keep all the receipts and will be keeping track of expenses. Have a sentence/comment ready for him, and repeat it as many times as he asks. With the remaining amount (if any), I’d make a donation to a cause my grandfather cared about, or to a charity dedicated to a cure for whatever he died from (cancer, heart, Alzheimer’s).
That’s what I do (in lieu of flowers) when someone I care for passes away. Death and the possibility of money bring out the absolute worst in people. Realize that he is being a Jerk, and try to ignore what he’s saying (until he threatens a lawsuit, then tell him that it would be a shame to waste the money from his life insurance on litigation).
Good luck.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but… Did your grandfather have a will? If he did then all the funds from his life insurance must be disbursed according to the terms of the will since he didn’t list a beneficiary in the insurance policy.
If he did not then they have to be split according to the laws of intestate succession in your state/country. Morally you’re golden, however, from a legal standpoint you need to do a bit more research to avoid potential lawsuits…” whitewolf3399
20. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up A Flower Pot I Accidentally Knocked Over At My Sister's Place?
“I (f23) was visiting my sister (f25) and her partner (m25) at their apartment. On my way out I accidentally knocked over a plastic flower pot that was standing on one of the planks in the hallway.
Before I could say sorry she said: ‘Yeah, you have to clean that up because it’s your fault’.
It was completely out of nowhere, I thought we were having a good time.
Something in that tone just made me angry, I wanted to help, maybe ask for a cloth or something but now I just didn’t want to do it anymore.
She’s used that tone before whenever she wanted something done, she’s a very bossy person. Even when we were children.
I just walked out saying nothing while closing the door behind me. It’s been a day and her partner said the spill is still not cleaned up and she didn’t allow him to clean it up because I had to do it.
I’m not planning on doing it. My parents say I’m petty and should just do it to make her happy. But I don’t want to reward her for being bossy with me, even if I definitely should’ve cleaned it up.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You made the mess, and it is a jerk move not to clean it up. My guess is that her comment was motivated by a history of you finding excuses not to clean up after yourself.” morgaine125
Another User Comments:
“ESH You should clean up the mess you made.
That’s common courtesy. She shouldn’t have spoken to you in that way. If my visitors knocked over a flower pot I would actually clean after them myself but I would expect them to offer to help.” Ok_Examination3023
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you clearly have a form for this.
You knocked it over and then didn’t clean it up cause you didn’t like her tone. Seriously? You’re 23 for God’s sake. It’s so petty. At the end of the day, you made a mess and refused to clean it up. It’s not about making her happy, it’s about being a grown-up and taking care of a mess caused entirely by you.
Is this really the hill you want to die on? Over something so stupid too.” Angelblade92
19. AITJ For Struggling To Say I'm Proud Of My Successful Sister Who Often Puts Me Down?
“I (25M) don’t have a really good relationship with my sister (23F), mainly because she’s been judging me for being shy, awkward, “dumb”, and unaccomplished ever since we were teenagers. At first I tried to defend myself by putting up an angry facade, but it soon became a one-sided “beating”, with me quietly accepting whatever she said, even to this day.
It’s true that I’m extremely shy, have never done well at school or in college, and have quit early on to pursue a career but haven’t found a shred of success even after 5 years. Still, having a sister making you feel bad for not being good enough is a pain, even though I recognize that she’s done and is doing better than me at everything,
Anyway, a few days ago, she came back home to visit our parents. I went to pick her up at the station and, on the way back, she told me that she’d been offered a great job by another company, while still working at her already good job, and that she’d also aced her last exam in university.
I said, “That’s great!”, and she said, “Yeah, it is!”. Then asked, “So, are you proud of me? Yes?”
I couldn’t answer. Perhaps because I never really rooted for her. I also never rooted against her, though. I found it too difficult to say that I was proud of her, who had put me down so many times.
So, I just told her that I was really happy for her, and that her achievements were definitely praiseworthy. But she didn’t like my initial hesitation.
“Ok, but are you proud?” she asked again.
“Well, I’m happy for you.”
“Oh come on! Why can’t you just say Yes?
Why do you have to be like this?”
“I… don’t know. Sorry, it’s just that I’ve been in the dumps for so long and have failed so many times that I’ve forgotten how such a feeling feels like, you know?”
“Ok, but I was talking about things I did!
It doesn’t have anything to do with how you feel about your situation! My friends at least immediately told me they were really proud of me. You are my own brother, and you’re like this!”
“You’re right. I was too focused on my own issues.”
“Whatever. Let’s just talk about something else.”
Next day, one of my sister’s friends, who’d apparently heard about it, told me that I could have just said “yes”, plain and simple and that just because I’m failing at everything in life, it’s not a valid excuse to be such a “party pooper”.
I said that it wasn’t my intention at all, but I agreed with her that I could have just said a simple “yes”.
I’m thinking that my sister and her friend had a point. I might have been too self-centered. If a sister scores a great achievement, a brother should be happy for her (well, I did say that), and simply say that yes, he’s proud of her achievements.
I probably had no right to act like I did just because I didn’t enjoy all the times she criticized me. She might have even been doing it to push me to be better all along.
I’m conflicted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your sister is the self-centered one, why does she need your approval so much?
She was basically bragging about her life to you, expected praise for it and then berated you for not giving her the exact reaction she wanted. I’m not saying she’s a full-blown narcissist but she has traits.” drinking-up-the-tea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister isn’t the Jerk for asking but she is for her prior behavior.
You might want to see out therapy (possibly even family therapy) for what you went through. And by the way, you say you’re not a success and shy and maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not but regardless of the truth of it, you are still deserving of love and kindness.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you acted like a normal human, also who does your sister’s friend think they are to be able to talk to you like that? It’s extremely disrespectful. Your sister seems like a Jerk to be talking to her friends about this minor problem and her friend definitely is a jerk too.
This post made me pretty angry for some reason.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Blocking My MIL On Social Media For Posting Pictures Of My Daughter Without Permission?
“MIL, hubs, and I have been at odds since I got pregnant.
She’s typically a little narcissistic and we’ve been back and forth over boundaries for almost a year. She’s notorious for “not remembering” things (either on her end or yours, whichever works best for the situation). I no longer talk to her on the phone without hubs present and prefer to text.
The boundary set was don’t post pictures of daughter without permission. MIL conveniently doesn’t remember us setting this boundary.
She and I got into it over her posting on Instagram. 3 posts, one of which was daughter in a towel. The picture of hubs and baby with a caption praising him like a single father (other issue is her trying to push me out of the family.
She makes backhanded comments “you do what you have to to see your child ” -said to my husband “when you leave I hope his brother is there for him and the baby” -said to me during the boundaries talk) was the last straw.
I blocked her on all social media, sent screenshots and said until she can respect the boundary she will only be able to speak to me through text/phone and I won’t be sending any pictures.
She took it too far, bashing me and making me feel terrible. Hubs and I both told her she needed to apologize. She spent the better half of 2 months lashing out and cussing me out. Asked hubs, FIL, BIL, and I “can I have pictures now?”/ “I did x will you please let me see pictures now?” every other sentence at one point which creeped me out so I was definitely not comfortable sending her anything.
(It’s not like she’s never gotten pictures. I could make a post and she’d message me and ask for more. I literally just posted the newest ones, what do you want me to do, take more so you have ones no one else does?)
Father’s Day via phone call became a back and forth of I obviously want it this way and no matter what she does (you know, everything BUT apologize) it’s never enough.
I did mention she had been creepy and she acted like I shot her. Hung up, called right back crying told me I should be ashamed of myself “all grandparents want to see pictures of their grandchildren” I told her I clearly wasn’t getting through to her, thank you for the apology and hung up.
(Hubs said she technically apologized). I later voiced all of my concerns through text, told her this was all from the past and I’m moving forward, where does she want to go from here. Hubs reached out and talked to her a little and as of right now I haven’t gotten a response.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – keep your boundaries up. In a similar situation, but with narcissistic parents. Normal people will just respect your boundary, or have a discussion about it. NPD behavior is going ballistic on boundaries, and trying to test/break them. Keep strong, this behavior must end with your MIL’s generation and doesn’t need to be carried on as a bad legacy.” Change_contract
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I’m a grandparent, so I personally know how it feels to want to be “attached” to the life of a grandchild, but it kind of sounds like your MIL is a control freak. You and your husband need to stand your ground and stand up to her now.
If you don’t, she will start issuing more demands.” JHugh4749
17. AITJ For Not Accepting My Stepmother After She Neglected Me And Favored Her Own Children?
“I, a young teen girl, have always had a rough relationship with my dad due to his drinking problems. He went to rehab about 4 years ago and he was doing great, he met a woman. Let’s call her Grace. Grace was going through a divorce with two children, one of which was on the spectrum.
She and my father had an affair and she later found out she was pregnant. She moved in and welcomed my sister with open arms but stated I looked too much like my mom to want me near her.
We lived in a smaller area so we always ran into each other and my outfit choices many times caused issues because “my legs should be covered”.
But the main issue was when I asked about lunch, she told me she’d start cooking it soon so I left it alone. About an hour later my sister barged into our shared room asking if I still hated peanut butter. I responded yes and my mom (still in the picture) called me.
I answer and slowly made my way to the kitchen. My dad was at work, but everyone else was sitting eating peanut butter sandwiches.
I had asked Grace about if she had forgotten to call me and she stated “I fed the important children”. At this point I had forgotten my mom was still on the phone and stormed outside crying.
Sometime during this my mom called my dad screaming asking what Grace was thinking. My dad blamed baby brain and let it slide, after this she treated me horribly. I am basically a live-in babysitter, she doesn’t even ask me she just leaves me with them.
About a year ago we moved into a bigger apartment and she got promoted. I don’t see her often anymore due to conflicting schedules. Unfortunately, she’s been taking a lot more time off and has been politely nagging me to hang out with her in appropriate attire.
Both my dad and she still leave me with my little sister, my baby brother (2), and Grace’s autistic child often enough that it’s sparking as an issue.
I still hate Grace for everything she put me through though she’s turned over a new leaf. She refuses to apologize and states it wasn’t her fault and that I was acting like a problem.
My dad keeps saying we need to figure it out and tries to push us together. But the breaking point for me is when she told me since we were friends that I can lift the no booze in the house rule that me and my mom set for my dad.
My dad says I’m acting like a child and I need to forgive her so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That woman is a toxic mess. Since you have to spend time with her and your dad is completely ignoring the situation, treat her like you would a teacher or other adult in your life.
Be polite and civil when talking to her, but don’t engage any more than necessary. Right now, it’s a waiting game until you are old enough to get out of that house.” jess3842
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop babysitting. Tell your dad you will be contacting child services if they don’t stop treating you like a slave and his wife better apologize and start treating you with respect or you will file a complaint about their mistreatment.” gloryhokinetic
16. AITJ For Wanting A Refund From An Old Friend For A Delayed Art Commission?
“I (26f) have an old friend (26nb) who I have not really talked to in over 5 years. Nothing significant happened to end the friendship. To be honest, we fell into different friend groups and drifted apart. This old friend recently posted on social media that their pet was really sick, and needed emergency vet help.
The vet was very expensive, and their pet needed to be put on a special diet that is outside of their price range. To raise funds for the expenses, old friend was offering small commissions since they are an artist. I read this, and reached out for a commission that I had been wanting done for a while.
The commission I wanted is of my D&D character. I have seen this old friend’s work before, so I knew that they would be able to do a good job. I reached out asking if this was something they would do. They agreed to the commission, and I paid double what they asked on the spot.
I really wanted the commission, and I figured that if it went to an old friend, and it helped their pet, I would not mind the extra cost.
I’m currently between jobs, and am living off of my savings. I had this amount put to the side for free spending money, and getting this character commissioned was something I have had in mind for a while.
A week passed, and I checked on the progress, they didn’t respond for 3 days, after which they said they hadn’t started yet, and would be working on it the following week. I left them alone for a while, and 2 weeks later (yesterday) I messaged them again for any update.
They didn’t respond until today, and the response was basically that they were having a rough time with their mental health and didn’t know when they would be able to work on the commission, but emphasized that they didn’t forget and gave me no time frame for completion.
I plan on giving this another two weeks, but if I don’t hear any updates or changes, would I be the jerk for making a claim to get my money back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would have asked for a refund by now, you are being overly generous of anything.” Sufficient_Cat
Another User Comments:
“It’s not necessarily a scam, but you kind of are being taken advantage of. You gave the commission out of kindness and overpaid. I probably have more disposable income than you do and when I’ve experienced a similar situation with a PayPal commission, it was a little easier for me to chill about it.
In my case, all turned out well in the end when I waited. By the way, if you did pay by him via PayPal or similar, if you called it a Gift so he didn’t get charged a fee, you probably have no recourse. I don’t know, maybe it’s worth a frank conversation if you don’t want to lose a friend.
Because I can assure you that he will always hold this against you. I know that sounds weird, but every time he thinks about you, he’ll remember that he deceived you. So he won’t want to think about you, much less be around you. NTJ if you do, of course.
But that also loses the friendship.” Elladan71
15. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom's Freeloading Best Friend Over Wifi Bills?
“I (19 female) live with my mother, father, and my mother’s best friend. She (her best friend, who I will call J) has been living with us since I started middle school, she was only supposed to be staying with us for a year or two she’s been here for around 7 years.
My mother constantly stands up for her but not me in every situation. That is my main problem. She does not pay bills because my mother feels bad for her, but my father says that she should and I think he is right because he literally paid all of the bills in the house until I started helping (because my mother said I had to if I wanted to keep living with them).
So now that you know a little bit more about the people I have to deal with I am will tell you why I yelled at her and “hurt her feelings”.
J (39 female ) woke me up out of my sleep because the wifi was cut off, I told her I was going to pay it when I went out of the house later that day, she yelled at me telling me that it was my job to pay the wifi and that she has things to do that can’t be done without the internet.
(Mind you, she pays no bills.) So I get up from my bed and tell her that if she wants it on so bad then maybe she should pay for it. She starts full-on screaming about how I was disrespectful and had no right telling her what to pay as if she didn’t just yell at me to pay for the wifi.
I get upset and yell at her about how she was supposed to leave the house years ago but never did, on how she never really took care of the house she lived in for free, about her talking to me as if I’m her child, having no respect for the house and about her disgusting attitude.
She call me a jerk, grabbed some of her stuff, her child (who had while living with us, he is 4 ) got in her car and drove off. When she left my dad said that I was in the right but my mother told me that I had to apologize to her and stop being so stuck up and full of myself because I had a job now and she (J) didn’t.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“Nah not the jerk, to me that woman is leaching off your mum’s desire to be a good friend and your dad seems like he’s only putting up with her to make your mum happy. That woman needs a serious reality check if she thinks she’s entitled to bully a teenager to pay bills that she can’t even pay herself.
Leach and Leach Jr definitely won’t go far in life if that’s her way of getting by. Don’t apologize.” HelpTheOJHasNoPulp
Another User Comments:
“big time NTJ – I agree with you and your dad based on the description here. Maybe it is one-sided…
but if she woke you up complaining about WiFi when she pays nothing… well.. ummm, I think I know who the jerk here might be. I cannot believe your mom is on board with this. But if that’s true… I am sorry to hear that.” WishSuperb1427
14. AITJ For Asking My Aunt Not To Bring Her Giant Dog To My Small House Party?
“My cousin and I hosted a 16-person family BBQ at our house and I asked my aunt not to bring her 125lb king German shepherd over.
My house is small. It’s cute and totally livable with a decent-sized backyard, but it’s still a small house.
My cousin and I decided (more like had no choice) to host our entire family for a going away BBQ for our grandmother (visiting from a different country, and going home). I have a four-month-old puppy, and I asked my aunt not to bring her dog to the party.
Her dog is nice enough, but he’s friggin huge and not very well socialized with other dogs.
I text my aunt the morning of the party and asked her to please not bring her dog and she flipped out on me. She said “if he can’t come, we won’t come” I said “Please aunt, I feel like you aren’t being very understanding about this.” She says “the dogs need to meet.
She’ll be fine. My dog isn’t going to hurt your dog.” I said “I’m not worried about your boy attacking my pup. Accidents happen and today is not the day I want to risk it.” She then says “well if he can’t come we are going to be there.” I said “ok.
That’s entirely your choice”.
Then about 10 minutes later after fighting with my mom on the phone about it, I text my aunt and said that she can bring the dog. I’m more interested in keeping the peace. I’ve just been having a really stressful couple of days looking after grandma (she stayed in my house for 80% of her month-long visit all while the aunt in question did not host her one single time).
I told her I didn’t want to fight so if she needs to bring her dog over, so be it.
She posted in our family group chat that she was no longer “welcome to join the party, so they will not be attending” AFTER I had told her to just bring her dog.
So, I snapped in the group chat and called her out on being dramatic, and told the family that I did indeed say she could bring the dog.
She decided to come to the party, but left her husband and dog at home. She didn’t say a single word to me the entire time.
Today, I was talking to my mom and she was insinuating that I needed to apologize to my aunt. I told her that it’s my home and I should get to decide when people bring their animals over. It’s disrespectful of my aunt to make such a huge deal about it, especially when she didn’t even ask if she could bring the dog in the first place.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only thing you did wrong here was cave to “keep the peace.” A 125 lb King Shepherd (and don’t even get me started on King Shepherds) could do serious damage to your pup, or make your impressionable young puppy fearful of other dogs.
Not to mention that at best an untrained giant dog is going to be an agent of chaos at a family party. Your aunt is not entitled to bring her dog. She needs to either leave the dog at home or not go, and she needs to be graceful about it.
The end.” ADawg28
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You made it clear you didn’t want the dog there. She made it clear she would not come if she couldn’t bring her dog. She could obviously tell that when you backtracked and invited her dog, you did not mean it.
You were both being dramatic on the group chat/social media/whatever it was, trying to play the victim and make the other person look like the bad guy. You told the family that you “did indeed say she could bring the dog” – did you also explain that you first told her that you absolutely did not want her to bring the dog?
That you said that even though you weren’t worried about the dog attacking your pup, you still said “accidents happen” and you didn’t want her dog there and you were fine with her not coming if that was what it led to? If you don’t want other people bringing their pets over, fine.
That’s not the issue. That’s not what makes you a jerk here. The jerk behavior is you backtracking, claiming you are the one “keeping the peace” by then telling them they can bring their pets, and playing the victim when people see through your bs and know you don’t mean it.” Swirlyflurry
13. AITJ For Wanting To Date Outside My Family's Expectations?
“I come from a fairly well-off family in a non-US country. My parents have achieved notability for themselves, as has my family as a whole. It would not be exaggerated to say I am a child of privilege.
I know that my parents have always been there for me, always loved me, always given me what I need. There has always been an expectation that I would see and marry someone from within this circle or at least someone well-off.
I met someone a month ago that things just…
clicked with. They absolutely just clicked, from interests to values to ambitions for the future. He is from the US but Asian, grew up there and is working here within a startup (though he has equity and stocks in it). I don’t think I’ve ever connected so quickly with someone in my life.
Recently he asked me to dinner and I accepted. Told my mom and it became an issue for a number of reasons. 1) He’s a stranger to them, unaware of his background or his family. 2) They have no idea if in the future he would be able to take care of me and give me a lifestyle similar to that which I currently have.
3) If it gets out I saw him, it might undermine the value I have in finding a future partner 4) They are not sure about what his life values are, the things he finds important, and are certain that they will not see eye to eye.
My stance is, that is what seeing someone is for – to suss out the character and “capability” of the other person. I don’t want to judge based on family or background but by what he is like, what he is capable of.
AITJ for wanting to go on a date, and wanting to keep seeing this guy?”
Another User Comments:
“Awww, NTJ at all. Of course you want to date as you obviously have had Western influence. I support your decision and wish you two good luck! Just try to be honest with your parents as soon as possible. If you get too far along it may be problematic with family.
Try to come to a compromise?” mlssac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to go on a date, but this is for sure a culture clash, and you need to be very careful about how you go about this. Your choices are 1) go out with him in secret and hope no one finds out and ruins your future prospects or 2) introduce him to your parents first and try to get their permission to date.
I don’t envy the spot you’re in; I hope you find a way to work it out!” InterabangSmoose
12. AITJ For Defending My Partner From Her Sister's Weight Comments?
“My partner’s (25F) sister (22F) is one of those people who doesn’t really filter what she says at any given moment. Now, sometimes that can be headache-inducing, other times it can be the funniest thing ever.
She lives nearby where my partner and I live and, sometimes when my partner and I are out to dinner and are pondering grabbing a drink after, she’ll call her sister up and we’ll meet her somewhere.
On Monday night, we were at dinner and decided we wanted to try this new bar down the street, just for 1 drink to try it out. We also decided we wanted her to come with so we texted her, and she met us over there.
Well, one drink became four, and when my partner left for the bathroom, her sister goes, “Her weight is out of control, let’s be honest”
Last year, my partner was fired from her job and all of the uncertainty of employment, plus the stress of job interviews led her to start comfort eating to cope.
When she did find a new job, comfort eating became a way to cope with the fear of getting fired from there.
Her sister knows all this. She knows the weight wasn’t just her sister trying to put on weight for no reason. So, for her to say this upset me.
I told her to watch her mouth. She told me not to say that. I pointed out to her that for all the attacks she has on her sister’s weight, she should take notice that her sister’s in a relationship while she( her sister) is alone.
I made the case that she is trashing her sister’s weight to cover up her own sad feelings that she’s single and relies on us to be her social life.
Partner sits back down and her sister tells her that I just randomly started venting about how I’m annoyed we invited her out.
I didn’t want to start a fight so, I sat there and said nothing. My partner bought her sister’s story.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you need to tell her the truth. At the end the sister will come between the two if you don’t tell her how things really are.
Trust me it sucks when a sister from your partner doesn’t want you together. You should be clear with how things were said and avoid lies being brought that will cause issues down the line.” Tempurasushi1
Another User Comments:
“Soft NJH. Whether or not your partner has a good reason, if she’s gained a lot of weight from emotional eating and is still doing it now that she’s employed it’s a concern.
She needs to see a therapist and develop better coping strategies. Overusing food is no better than overusing drinks. I don’t know if her sister is genuinely concerned or if she was criticizing for no reason. Maybe she was trying to broach it with you to figure out how to encourage her sister to get help.
I don’t know her thoughts, so I can’t call either of you jerks.” dobbysreward
11. AITJ For Buying Concert Tickets For My Birthday After My Wife's Birthday Plans Failed Again?
“Every year since I’ve been with my wife, her birthday gets messed up somehow. We have to work, it’s raining, we don’t have funds, the kids are ill, the babysitter bails, etc etc. Something always happens.
And it’s not like she even asks for much. She’s so easygoing. Usually she just wants to go fishing or something of that nature but if plans don’t work out, she doesn’t want to plan for another day. She said it’s not the same and eventually..
she just stopped asking to do anything on her birthday at all. Every time I would ask what she wanted to do, I was met with a “I don’t want to do anything. It won’t work out anyways so I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing.” Really, the only thing we have ever been able to do for her birthday is go to the bar and play pool, which she does enjoy but you can tell she’s just over trying to celebrate herself and it makes me feel like a jerk despite it being out of my hands.
My birthday is the opposite. Plans always work out. Every year we do something for my birthday. Boating mostly but we have been to concerts or parties as well. This year one of my favorite bands is coming to town on my birthday. Her birthday was 2 weeks ago and once again, we didn’t do anything.
She said she “only wants to go fishing”. It was downpouring and had been for a week straight and our kids were ill. I offered to send her off to the spa for the day but she declined (she didn’t want to leave the boys).
I could tell she was disappointed. I made her a nice dinner and rubbed her down but she just acted so disappointed. My birthday is next week. I got us the tickets to the concert. I figured it could be a double whammy. Bring her out to celebrate her birthday on my birthday.
Well, when I showed her the tickets she just started crying. I tried comforting her but she said “you put so much more effort in to celebrating yourself every single year than you do me.” Granted I hadn’t told her the tickets were also for her either..
but it just made me feel like a jerk and now I want to return the tickets. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Don’t worry, her birthday next year will be spectacular because it will be when the divorce is finalized. You won’t have a wife, you will see the kids only on weekends, and the alimony and child support will put a serious dent in your lifestyle.
But she will have a great birthday. Translation: you messed up one year too many and now you have no more chances.” mrbnlkld
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. To be honest, this whole setup seems terribly one-sided. It is far too convenient for it to always be her birthday that is ruined and not yours.
It sounds like you may actually be using the fact that she is guarding her own feelings from past and reoccurring disappointment to your own advantage. Real easy to give up on something that you weren’t even trying to do, especially when she is clearly so accustomed to being let down.
Sounds like you have dimmed her joy and hurt her self-esteem to a drastic degree.” bettythiccc
Another User Comments:
“YTJ This past year for my birthday, the bar I hang out at and am friends with many of the patrons and bartenders at threw me a surprise party with custom charcuterie board and cake.
It was also a karaoke night. It was crazy and the biggest birthday experience I’ve ever had. I love that they did this, it was a surprise, they arranged it in about 3 days. Even a little bit of forethought to do something really special for someone makes a huge difference.
You dislike your wife.” junglequeen88
10. AITJ For Being Upset That My Roommate Eats My Leftovers Without Asking?
“I (20f) have been living with my roommate (21m) for about a year now. Whenever I get takeout or something like that I will usually offer him some and usually he’ll turn it down in the moment. Most of the time I get takeout I’ll have leftovers and put the rest in the fridge to eat later.
Recently whenever I go back to eat my leftovers either the next day or a couple of days later it will be eaten and if I bring it up to my roommate he’ll say that I offered some to him to begin with so why is it different now?
This has made me want to stop offering it to him in general because I will be looking forward to my leftovers all day and then not have any at all because I offered it to my roommate two days previous. AITJ for being upset by this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would never feel entitled enough to eat someone else’s food without asking. He’s your roommate, not your partner. Even then it’s important to ask. I’ve been with my partner for 8 years and I still ask him every time.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s a giant jerk. I would be upset if my HUSBAND did this without asking and I’m married to him! In your case, it’s a bigger deal because it’s your finances! You paid for it! Not him. He needs to ask you and no means no. Your leftovers are YOURS.
You can give them away, eat them, or trash them but unless they’re rotting in the fridge and causing a legit problem for him, he needs to keep his grubby mits OFF.” DragonBard_Z
Another User Comments:
“ESH “and if I bring it up to my roommate he’ll say that I offered some to him to begin with so why is it different now?” There’s your problem.
The ambiguity. Don’t offer anymore and establish a clear boundary regarding your food.” 295Phoenix
9. AITJ For Suggesting My Wife Get Checked For OCD And ADHD Due To Her Recent Behavioral Changes?
“I’m not one to self-diagnose or even point fingers honestly but lately (within the past couple years) my wife has been different.
Look, I have issues too and I’m trying to work on them so again, I have no room to point fingers. But I’m just at my wit’s end.
So just within the past 2 years, my wife has been nit-picky about things that never used to bother her.
Things have to go a certain way in the cupboards or the fridge. I mean, she even lines her discarded items in a perfect line when she puts them out. She gets irritable at the drop of a hat, despite being literally hysterically laughing just minutes before.
Nothing can be placed on an odd number anymore (even the temperature gauge or TV volume). Her shoes need to be lined in the perfect order and in a specific spot when she used to just kick them off and let them lay where they landed. She is starting to disassociate or check out partway through a conversation.
Getting forgetful when usually her memory is top-notch (she literally remembers the exact date of our first kiss in the 7th grade and my phone number from when we started seeing each other 12 years ago or her first boss’s number from when she was 15 but now she can’t remember where she placed important mail or what time she’s supposed to be at work).
So the other day she spaced out bad. And when she came back to, she was annoyed for no reason. She kind of just looks at me and with a raised voice said “I’m so sorry. There’s something wrong with me. Something isn’t right.” I’ve heard A LOT about late-diagnosed ADHD in adults and how it can affect you long-term and I genuinely think that this is it.
My nephew has ADHD and OCD tendencies due to ADHD and she acts just like he does. So I told her to get checked for OCD and ADHD. She said she would. But now my brother (nephew’s father) is annoyed because I compared my wife to his kid when “it’s obvious your wife is just having a kid life crisis”.
ETA: my wife has been checked medically within the last couple of weeks. MRI, b***d work, CT Scans, mammograms and a few other things. Medically she is fine.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are seeing a radical change in behaviour in an adult. Definitely should check that out.
You’ve ruled out big obvious medical stuff… so now it’s time for a clinical psych or psychiatrist to have a crack. Sounds like it falls in that ballpark, or maybe neurological (not sure what was scanned).” Particular-Try5584
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but respectfully disagree. People with ADHD don’t have new symptoms in adulthood, you would have met her and she would have had symptoms. This is too quick of a crutch everyone jumps to, it’s next to impossible this is the case going off what your post says.
Does she feel it’s disrupting her life? How does she feel about this? You said she’d go because you want her to, but does she think her behaviours are disruptive and a problem? Perhaps couples counselling may be helpful, because it sounds like the issue is more yours than hers, please know this is not a criticism, but learning to express your frustrations, needs and wants through therapy may help you.
Good luck!” User
8. AITJ For Taking Away My Son's GPS Tracking Watch His Mother Gave Him?
“Am I the jerk for taking away my 6yo son’s smart, GPS tracking, watch that his mother gave him? I have full custody, she sees him ~4-6 days a month on average, it seems really creepy and brings back a lot of haunting memories of how controlling she was when we were together – she’s had bouts of paranoia and related delusions to put it lightly… I don’t see the need for a 6yo to have something like that unless you’re an extremely paranoid parent or your kid is going places you don’t trust them to be.
He’s either with me, her, or school so it feels like she’s trying to indirectly track me. I planned on getting him a phone later – around 10 or so, this seems early for this kind of connectivity. My son loves it, taking pictures and video with it, but I can’t get over the GPS, which makes me feel even more like this is some sort of manipulation tactic.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ When in your care, YOUR rules. Next time your child goes to stay with mom have them leave it there. Another option is to mail it to her with a note saying you don’t want the responsibility in case it gets broken and would be best if used when the child is with her only.
Lol, imagine if she is tracking you and sees the watch going through the delivery process.” JLineman09
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Though give it back to your ex rather than throw it away. In theory, I guess he can wear it while he’s with her, but make it clear that he’s not to wear it back to your house.
Maybe there’s some sort of kid-safe tablet or camera you can buy your son to allow him to take pictures and video? That way he still gets the fun features he likes without worries of your ex tracking your movements.” hannahsflora
7. AITJ For Not Attending My Friend's Event Because I Wasn't Directly Invited?
“Our group of friends consists of 9 people, ages 32-33, and we’ve known each other since we were 6. We were always very tight until people started graduating and started having serious relationships, and until people started moving out of our original ‘home city’. There was no drama, people just grew apart a tiny bit.
Three of us moved to different cities and ever since we were less available for small time stuff such as grabbing a beer or having a quick bite in between other appointments. All 9 of us were present for any moderately important social event without exception.
We also have at least one weekend every year where everyone takes a few days off work and where we visit a random European city for a few days to stay in touch.
The other 6 slowly started disliking the fact we we there less, to various degrees based upon who we would be talking about.
They created their own Whatsapp group called ‘OG ‘ give or take 5 years ago. I knew this from the start, but I didn’t mind whatsoever as I kind of understood them, and because anything more or less serious was discussed in ‘our main group’ anyway.
Fast forward 5 years later and the situation is still the same. I moved back to our town about 2 years ago and I’ve been in touch with my friends a lot more since, but definitely not as much as in the past before I relocated the first time.
One of my friends, part of those 6, is opening a summer bar tonight. He’s hosting a ‘test run’ this evening for friends and family and I heard there were about 60 people invited. He contacted all of them personally, but he posted our so-called group invite in a separate chat group so I simply didn’t know about the event.
That was 2 weeks ago.
Yesterday another friend called me to ask if I was going and if he needed to pick me up. I said we were thinking about it while hiding my mild surprise, and that me and my partner would go on our own if we had room in our agenda.
I know we have room in our agenda, I’m just not planning on going because in my eyes I haven’t been invited.
Am I being petty for stumbling over this technicality? I know I’m very welcome there tonight. I also know people will be rather annoyed or even angry with me if I don’t show up for this reason.
Knowing all that, I still don’t want to go.”
Another User Comments:
“Eh, I’d honestly not go if I were in your situation. Firstly, you said it yourself, you don’t wanna go. And second, why would you bother going if you didn’t get an invite?
If someone asks why you weren’t there, just tell them the truth. You didn’t know about it (as long at least), because you weren’t invited. Simple.” TheJokingArsonist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why didn’t you tell the friend who asked that you hadn’t been invited?
This is a symptom of a larger issue; if they want the 7 of you who live in town at events, then they need to invite all 7 of you. Either add you to the smaller group chat, start a new small group chat, or remember to reach out when they use that chat for invites but want to include you as well.
If they choose not to do that, they can’t be mad about you not showing up to events you’re not notified about/invited to.” SaltyCrashNerd
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Put your pride aside and ask if your invite was lost. It sounds like it could have been a mistake.
Individually texting 60 people is a lot. Don’t be dumb and hold this “grudge” against your friends when it could have been an honest mistake. This happened to me years ago and they forgot to text me because there were a lot of people in different friend groups.
If I just assumed the worst and not asked, I might have lost really good friendships over nothing. Adult friendships that are this deep are extremely rare to find as an adult. Don’t lose something this valuable.” altergeeko
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend To Join My Delivery Gigs?
“My friend keeps asking me to bring him along for my delivery gigs saying it’ll go faster and we’ll make more money etc. I brought him along once and we literally made less than I do by myself in the same amount of time. Then we had to split it.
He says I’m just not doing the right areas, but again, by myself I am content with what I make. Not every day is a winner, and when I’m by myself I can decide “screw this I’m going home.” If I’m with someone else, I kinda gotta keep going and hope it becomes worth it.
I told him I’d rather do it alone and he got huge puppy eyes like “you don’t want me to come with you?” And I feel so guilty. But at the same time, I need all the money I’m making. I’m so far behind on bills it’s not even funny.
I don’t know if it matters but this isn’t my main job. This is literally just a side gig so I’m not out like 8 hours a day. By myself I average like $20/hr some days are better some days are worse. With another person, it becomes $10/hr and I’m still paying gas.
It’s just not worth it.
If he was a romantic partner whom I shared money with already, it would be different. But he’s just a friend (who I think may have feelings for me? But I’m not 100% gonna assume. Either way I’m not in the right state of mind for that kind of thing) part of me is worried he’s taking advantage of my ability to do gig work since he can’t for some reason or another.
Anyway I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.. but AITJ? And if I’m not.. any chance y’all can help me figure out what to tell him to get him off my back here without ruining the friendship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ,… best advice I can give is just to be honest and straight up.
the friendship means a lot but the reality of your side gig is not compatible with the idea of being a 2 man thing. Just not logistically practical and just not your preference.” BeginningAccording96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he is clearly trying to make money off you.
This is your job, your gig, and your friend is trying to take half of what you earn. He doesn’t even cover your gas expenses? It makes no sense that sharing the job with him would mean more money for you. Just tell him to back off.
He is the one putting pressure on the friendship. And yes if he has feelings for you that’s a whole other thing. He’s acting like a toxic partner.” ViolaVetch75
5. AITJ For Not Introducing My Partner To My Stepdad?
“About 4 months ago I (m25) got dumped by my partner and had to move back home with my mom and step-dad.
I’ve recently started seeing someone again but I have a space problem. My stepdad is kinda grouchy and unfriendly. I didn’t feel comfortable having friends over in high school and I don’t really feel comfortable now.
She also lives with her parents for various reasons.
My stepdad works from home and doesn’t really have any hobbies and is almost always home. My mother will go camping with her horse but he rarely joins. Giving me no good opportunities for company.
The other day I got permission from my mother to have company over.
She came over and she and I went right upstairs to the semi-privacy of my own room, which I couldn’t close the door to because the house (in Iowa) doesn’t have central air and I don’t have a unit in my room which he also won’t allow.
We walked past his office on our way and I didn’t really say anything. I’m not ready to introduce her to my family and If I had my own place currently they wouldn’t know she existed.
He took this as a personal offense and said I was being rude to him and her, I checked with her and she didn’t care.
He might actually go camping for the first time and I might have a Saturday night to the house to myself for the first time since I’ve moved back and made a comment that she couldn’t come over this weekend. I pay rent and buy food it’s not like I’m a freeloader?
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t introduce my mom to someone unless it was pretty official. I did live with her at the same age during college and had girls over sometimes and we would do exactly the same thing.
I think that it would be weird to introduce them. Plus living with your parents while in between places sounds pretty normal to me. Especially if you pay rent. I would ignore that comment if possible.” Aztimoth
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your step dad sounds like a pain but bringing someone home and not introducing them is rude.” FalconJaeger
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This isn’t about her being your partner or not though. If you bring someone into his and your mum’s house, then it is common courtesy to introduce them. Sorry you are just being plain rude and honestly trying to blame your stepdad for it.” FunTimes1970
4. AITJ For Naming My Daughter After My Partner's Mother, Upsetting My Own Mother?
“I, 31 female, had a baby girl with my partner, 42 male, of 4 years back in 2021.
The pregnancy was planned and we were so happy to add to our family (I have a daughter from a previous relationship). This is my partner’s only child. When we were talking about having a baby, he always insisted that he wanted to name his baby girl after his mother.
This was a hill that he was going to die on and nothing would change his mind. I understood and went along.
When we found out that we were having a girl, he once again stated that she will be named after his mother and I agreed. Before we formally announced the pregnancy, her name was already decided.
My mother was having difficulty with accepting my pregnancy. She doesn’t like my partner and she wasn’t used to the idea that she would have to share this grandbaby with his family. Well, when she found out the name, she was livid. She held in her anger until I was out 8 months pregnant.
She told me that it wasn’t fair to name the baby after one grandmother and not the other. It should be both of them or not at all. When I told her that this was my partner’s decision that I went along with, I was told that I didn’t fight for her and I don’t care about her feelings.
That I choose my partner over her all the time, which isn’t true at all.
After this, my mother became distant. She didn’t come to my baby shower, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. My baby girl had a first birthday party and she didn’t come. My mother doesn’t see the baby at all unless I make the trip to her.
Now, we only live 20 minutes apart and all the effort is on my part. She refuses to call my baby girl by her name. I’m wondering if I should have just given the baby her name to avoid all of this. My mother and I used to be so close and now, our relationship is ruined. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is your mother’s doing not yours. “My mother was having difficulty with accepting my pregnancy. She doesn’t like my partner and she wasn’t used to the idea that she would have to share this grandbaby with his family.” It’s flabbergasting that a mother of adult children would feel she has an option of “accepting” her daughter’s decision to become pregnant – she doesn’t get a say in your creation of a new life, her own grandchild, that’s YOUR decision (& your partner’s OC).
Also she has no right to judge your partner and his family, and a child is not a possession like a summer home for family members to squabble over. A new baby is time for joy and celebration and coming together of family and friends to support this new life and new journey – a long one that will need continual support.
Your mother is the Jerk for making this all about her when it is not and I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve noticed such behavior. She sounds toxic and if she doesn’t want to be in your baby’s life, the child will probably be better off for it.
Seems like LC/NC is the best way all around. Good luck OP.” J*************1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother is acting like a toddler who was told she can’t have a toy. Sure she can feel disappointed, but in no way should those feelings translate into punishing you or a literal innocent child.
Obviously, your relationship was good when she felt in control, I would stop going to her and tell her she needs to apologize for her terrible behavior.” PantsLess1101
Another User Comments:
“ESH You’ve had a child with a control freak ready to go nuclear if he doesn’t get everything his way.
Your mother’s massively upset that she will not get to have a special relationship with this child that she has with your first kid.” HammerOn57
3. AITJ For Wanting To Hyphenate My Last Name Instead Of Taking My Husband's?
“My husband and I (both late 20s) have been together for 9 years, married for 7. I never changed my last name. Now I’m about to publish 3 first author papers and graduate within the next few months with my PhD. If I’m going to change my name now is the time, after my papers come out I won’t be changing anything.
Quick background, growing up my dad used to call himself Dr. Johnson (fake last name) whenever he would give me bandaids or check on my booboos, etc. It’s a fond memory I have of growing up, as such I want to be Dr. Johnson as kind of a homage to those happy memories.
So when he brought up changing my name (on his own) I pitched the idea of hyphenating my last name with his, turning into Johnson-Reynolds (fake names but correct # of letters). He said he didn’t like hyphenated names because it seemed like a cop-out to real commitment and ‘not real’.
I relayed the story above to him and he still said the same thing. I followed up with if he’d prefer no name change over a hyphenated name then and he said no name change. So I said okay and went on with my day.
That night he called me a jerk for not taking his feelings into consideration and showing “full commitment”. I retorted with he was being a hypocrite because he’s completely ignoring my own feelings about the issue. I mean, this is the same man who won’t wear his wedding band because he “doesn’t like the feeling” even though I really wish he would and he knows it.
Today he is being all sulky and won’t talk to me. This isn’t something I’m willing to budge on but am I really being a jerk about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why is he not changing his name and “showing commitment”?
Very funny to not wear your wedding ring but throw around “showing commitment”. He is being very unfair. His feelings do not trump yours. You want to keep your name. He wants you to change your name. You already offered a compromise and he reacted ungrateful as heck.
This and his sulking would make me livid.” CakeEatingRabbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—you’ve kept your last name for the past 7 years. Being married in itself is a full commitment, not necessarily changing your last name. Besides, why would it be a cop-out to hyphenate your last name?
You’re literally including his last name in your name. If anything, I think he’s the one who’s not being considerate of your feelings. He’s not the one changing his name.” olivixm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if it’s so important to him that you both have the same last name he should take Johnson.
My sister and her husband both hyphenated their names.” Chrono_Constant3
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother To Give My Son A Box Of Candy As A Gift?
“My brother Hugh is pretty close with my 10-year-old son, Foster, because he has no kids of his own. My wife and I encourage a relationship between the two.
It’s customary that Hugh gets Foster a “graduation” present for completing whatever grade he’s in. Last year he got him a Lego set and a blanket that looks like a tortilla.
This time he got him an explosion gift box with candy yesterday. It was like 20 mini chocolate bars and Warheads. I wasn’t thrilled by it. I just started to allow my son to make his own food choices so obviously he thinks he could gobble up all that candy.
I told my brother that it wasn’t a good idea to give candy to a 10yo boy like that and he should have run it by me. He asked me if I was being serious and I said I was. He said it’s just candy.
I said he needs to get him something different. I have nothing against candy. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to pump 10-year-old boys up with candy. Plus he eats half and the other half ends up under his bed, between the couch, in the yard, etc. He has about half left.
My wife and brother think I’m being hyper-controlling over Foster and to let it go.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ it’s just some candy yeah it’s not healthy but it’s not like it’s a regular occurrence. As for him leaving partially eaten candies all over the place, you should tell him to not make messes like that.
He’s 10 he’s old enough to use a garbage can.” Cheryl_Canning
Another User Comments:
“YTJ at 10 years old he can begin to understand the concept of moderation. It’s your job to help him learn that life skill. Why are you shrugging off your duties?
You are a parent, it’s not only no, no, no, no, sometimes it’s “let me show you how to manage this.”” PerkyLurkey
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you have no common sense at all? Just take the box and tell your son in an age-appropriate manner that he can only have 1 chocolate a day?” borsadilatta
1. AITJ For Wanting To Report Med School Classmates For Memorizing Past Exams?
“I’m in med school, here, and some of the professors have a chance of 70% repeating many past years’ questions for exams. It’s completely not allowed to take pictures of the exams after we pass them, but some people did for the past 5 years of this school’s lifetime, they take pictures and send them to an internet page for the next generations to help them.
What I’m noticing is that most people are focusing more on memorizing the solutions of the past exams for certain subjects than actually solving them or even memorizing the lessons!! Does this even happen in the other countries? I think not!
That’s why I’m planning to report this to the administration as anon by email, I’m putting in a huge effort and yet you only memorize a few pages?
I despise this! But I don’t know if it will be right or wrong because it might make my friends very upset. I don’t know, you decide, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and do it as soon as possible. It would be a problem in normal schools as well.
And this is medical school. Those kids who memorize just the answer and don’t find the solution could in the future seriously hurt someone once they are given a job. I would go honestly even further than just the administration of the school. Cause this is really dangerous” Many-Acanthaceae-296
Another User Comments:
“I can’t speak for every country, but in Canada for some professions (like mine) this happens. That being said, YWNBTJ cause no one wants to get treated by a doctor who doesn’t have critical thinking skills and got by on just memorizing the correct exam answers.” profanitea_
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. There’s not a huge difference between memorizing the information for a text/lecture and memorizing the information from a past exam. It is going to be the exact same answer/info. It’s school students are exactly working to really understand the answer/solution, they are memorizing the info to pass exams and pass the class.
It’s a means to an end. This is extremely common and honestly a pretty smart and efficient tactic. I wouldn’t mind being treated by a doctor who did this because to me it shows they’re resourceful and know how to utilize the tools they have and prioritize their time and energy.
I wouldn’t want a doctor who’s so focused on what everyone else is doing, and whose concern is if I’m working hard/struggling then everyone should too. You’re doing this because you’re mad you’re doing all this work and want to punish everyone else for working smarter instead of harder.” AGirlHasNoGame_
