People Navigate The Complex Web Of 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Wanting My Fiancé To Contribute Equally To Our Future House Purchase?
“Me (26 F) and my fiancé, Dan (28 M) have been living with his mom for the past 4 years. We have our bedroom + the living room is mostly used by us. It’s a small space as we both work from home in the same bedroom.
In the next 2-3 years we plan to have kids and for me raising a kid without a room solely for the kid is not an option (even as a baby).
As a kid, I suffered from being raised in a small apartment without a space I could call my own and where I could be alone. I just do not want to provide the same for a future kid. I know that people can raise a kid in a shared space in the first 5-6 years in a healthy way but being able to provide a room for my kid from the start is a non-negotiable essentially.
We need a room for a kid and one for an office, so buying a 4-room house/ apartment (1 living room, 3 bedrooms) in the next 2-3 years seems like the best option.
Dan is also not satisfied with our current living space but unlike me, he doesn’t want to commit to such a big purchase/ responsibility.
He wouldn’t say no to living in a bigger space (who would?) but doesn’t want to put in the work or spend at once so much of his saved money. After a lot of discussion, he is kinda on board with purchasing but it’s “to help me cause I am the only one that wants it”, even though we will both be living there.
My salary is significantly larger than Dan’s and I am very very frugal. We keep our finances separate and I can save in a month what my fiancé can save in 4-5 months. Ideally, I want us both to participate with similar amounts of money if we are going to be 50/50 on the loan and ownership of the house.
But he saves a lot less, is not decreasing his spending, not looking to switch jobs (he stayed in the same company for 5-6 years and ex-colleagues with less experience than him changed companies for almost x2 salary). I am saving for the house and if things continue as they do now, in about 2 years I will have saved on my own enough for a down payment, furniture, and renovation.
Meanwhile, in 2 years Dan will have saved less than 25% of this amount.
I feel like the house will mostly be on my shoulders (I don’t want to do it alone) and he will just get the perks of a house with little effort. I wish I had a more supportive partner, someone with whom I can share the joy of planning and reaching the next milestone together.
But it feels like it’s just me wanting this and just dragging him along.
AITJ for wanting a house when we already have decent, free housing?
AITJ for wanting him to put equal effort into saving/ planning for a house when he doesn’t want a house?
He just agreed to the plan to keep me happy and is not changing anything in his lifestyle.
AITJ for being disappointed in him when he doesn’t want it as much as I do? I feel like we aren’t on the same page and we aren’t doing it together”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ BUT YTJ hear me out. This house will be your responsibility. You will be putting money into it. He doesn’t seem to care now and probably will be out when buying. You shouldn’t be buying a house with him.
If you buy make sure it’s under your name only. He doesn’t want the responsibility, he doesn’t want to put money into it. He isn’t interested in working for the future you envision because he doesn’t want it. If you buy a house and have a kid with this man you will be a married single mother with the extra weight of an adult that doesn’t pull his weight.” Otherwise_Degree_729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But my advice would be NOT to move forward with someone who doesn’t make any effort to DO the things he SAYS he wants with you. He expects you to do all the work here. And he “helps” you out.
This is not equal, as you know. He is not an equal partner. He likely won’t ever be. This is a major red flag. Keep saving. Keep meeting people. You will find someone better who will meet you halfway in words and actions.” eowynsheiress
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk, I guess? Your fiance’s attitude towards buying a house is pretty ridiculous. You cannot go into a successful partnership with the attitude that if your partner wants something more, you’re absolved of responsibility for making it happen. But equally, you cannot go into a successful partnership thinking that your partner who makes 50% less than you should still contribute to half of your expenses.
I don’t think either of you are ready to get married.” rose_unfurled
18. AITJ For Getting Frustrated At My Partner's Inability To Ask For A Bathroom?
“I (27f) and my partner (28m) are planning a new bathroom.
I suggested we go to look at bathroom shops and he begrudgingly agreed. I knew he would lag so planned a trip to a bakery as a treat to break up visits.
At the shop before the bakery, he said he needed to pee. He has an undiagnosed but real issue of suddenly needing to pee quickly and at that point, I also needed to go too!
I suggested we still go to the bakery after anyway as there was likely a toilet there and it was just around the corner. The bakery was in a courtyard, each unit doesn’t have its toilet but there is usually one for the complex, we just needed to ask where.
He refused to ask the server while we were in the queue (around a 5-minute wait), so I suggested he go to the petrol station over the road as I’ve used theirs before. I waited in line for 5 mins, collected the goods and asked for the toilet and I used it.
I messaged my partner to let him know there was one there too.
When leaving, I called him to say there was a loo and if he still needed it, he could use it. He said he was in the petrol station waiting behind someone to go to the toilet.
I said I’d drive over and pick him up and asked if he would like to go to a vintage market after, he said ‘Yeah if I can use this toilet’. I then walk to the car and drive over thinking all was fine. When arriving he called to ask where I was, I was at the petrol station.
He’d walked back to the bakery despite me saying I’d get him, and he said he didn’t use the petrol station toilet because it was locked. I asked whether he asked the staff, and he said no. I was annoyed, he just needed to ask at both places to use the toilet, but he refused. I understand he would be stressed because he would need to go but it was frustrating that he wouldn’t advocate for himself.
I raise my voice on the phone and say this is ridiculous. I was also just frustrated because I knew he’d want to go straight home, and he would be so hurt that I got annoyed. When driving home, he said he’d never agreed to go to a market afterward, that I always get annoyed when plans don’t go my way, that I treat him poorly considering his condition, and never appreciate this is a need of his that I need to support and accommodate.
He thought it was selfish of me to go to the bakery despite not being 100% sure there was a toilet there and that it was unreasonable for him to ask a server while still in the queue. I felt hurt, this was a nice trip out that had turned sour, I presented two options to solve the issue, and I had managed to go to the toilet so felt that this was avoidable.
I also felt that just going home was annoying as there was another bathroom shop planned on the list which was now written off. I was also conscious that he lay the blame at my feet and that he still needed to go to the bathroom he was growing in discomfort.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your partner needs to be a big boy and see a doctor. And not blame you because he’s a child who can’t use his big boy words and ask to go potty. You did everything you could. He needs to man up.
You are not his mother and I’m sure he has one if he needs to be diapered so badly” OutrageousMistake515.
Another User Comments:
“Victim complex much? How was any of this your fault? He was completely illogical through this whole ordeal. He won’t ask where the bathroom is.
He won’t ask for the key at the gas station? When you say you will pick him up at the gas station, he walks over to the bakery. He wants to be the victim. He wants you to take the blame. He needs to grow up.
And if he won’t, you need to leave him at home (at the very least).” MissFabulina
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s either refusing to seek medical care to manage his condition or he’s lying about his condition. When you really gotta go, moving around so much *hurts*.
You don’t hike around town refusing to ask store assistants to open the bathroom for you, you desperately ask for the key before you wet yourself. And if you’re a guy, you literally can duck into an alley if you just need to pee! This reeks of weaponized incompetence, especially the part where he’s blaming you for not managing *his* needs on demand.
It honestly feels like he sabotaged your outing rather than just staying home. ” I_wanna_be_anemone
17. AITJ For Calling My Husband's Friend's Ex About Their Daughter Left At My House?
“My husband(28) has a friend, Tom(32m). Tom and I (26f) have never gotten along. One night my husband had planned a get-together. I came home from work exhausted and with a headache so I told my husband it was fine but I was going to bed.
I noticed Tom had brought his daughter, Bree, a 5-year-old with mental disabilities. I was a little frustrated at this because Tom had already been drinking which meant they would be staying the night. She is a very sweet little girl but Tom has a hands-off parenting approach which has caused her to get into things around my house and create huge messes.
I figured I’d deal with everything in the morning and just went to bed.
At around 2 am I heard Bree crying. I got up to investigate and found our friends trying to calm her down. I asked them where Tom was and they told me he had gone to Sheetz for food but had been gone a while.
Bree did not know these people very well so she was not having it. I told them they could go home and I would handle it. I held her close and rocked her back to sleep.
Soon after I heard Tom and his buddy come into my house.
I confronted him and said he could not leave Bree at my house unattended. The whole time I talked he just scowled at me without a word. At that point, I knew there was no getting to him till the morning, and went back to bed.
Morning came and I noticed Tom was not at my house. I checked my son’s room and Bree was sleeping peacefully. I was fuming. I instantly started calling him as I got ready for work. I decided I would call his ex to come get her.
Tom’s ex and her were co-parenting but she had already threatened to take him to court and they were on shaky ground. I knew this but I did not care. I had to work and my husband had our children to take care of and had said he did not want the extra responsibility, especially since we do not know all her needs.
I called some people asking if they knew where he was and left messages on his phone telling him I was going to call his ex if he did not answer before I needed to go to work. An hour passed and I had 30 minutes till I needed to leave I gave up.
I had waited 3hrs total. I called his ex and explained the situation. She left work and came to her daughter immediately. I told her everything that happened, I told her Tom may have a heavy drinking problem. I believe it was her right to know.
Later, as I was walking out the door for work, I pulled Tom and his buddy. Tom’s on the phone pleading with I’m assuming his ex. Tom gets out of the car and starts calling me names, saying I ruined his life and now he won’t have a relationship with his daughter because of me.
Our mutual friends are saying I overreacted and it was wrong of me to get the ex involved. I don’t think I was wrong and I would never leave my child anywhere without permission from the person watching them.
So am I the jerk for getting his baby momma involved?”
Another User Comments:
“Not. You cannot leave a child unattended with people they are unfamiliar with, especially if you didn’t ask the adults if they were okay with that. His ex has every right to know what a neglectful and abhorrent father Tom is.
It’s not your responsibility to paint him in a good light. NTJ” SeaMidnight1933
Another User Comments:
“You have a husband problem! This is his friend he invited over and even if he did not he is there as his guest, your husband is acting like he cares more about Tom than you at this moment.
Like why is he not calling his friend to come get his child, while you are getting ready for work? Who is he to say he does not want to deal with it when the guy comes there to hang out with him? This is 1000% on your husband and YTJ to yourself for allowing the whole thing.
And my husband wants me to add that if any of his friends came to my house calling me a single name for any reason especially this he would be locked up.” AdBroad
Another User Comments:
“Tell those friends Tom is lucky you called the ex and not CPS.
I’m sure CPS would have been interested in a case of child abandonment and Tom might be facing criminal charges in addition to losing custody. Then tell those friends they are welcome to volunteer to watch Tom’s child for him when it’s his time, but you won’t.
And I agree with those that say you have a husband problem. Ask your husband why he supports someone who gets intoxicated and abandons his child. And your husband’s failure to cut ties with Tom should make you worry about how responsible he would be if you had kids.
Tom should be cut out of both of your lives.” User
16. AITJ For Doing Couple Activities During A Group Holiday?
“I went on a group holiday this summer. 11 of us rented an AirBnB. 5 couples, 1 solo. We’ve been friends for a few years and half the group went on a group trip the previous year.
I am not into doing group activities ‘full-time’. Before the trip, I (F30) told 2 friends, F (F31) & L (F31), that I was feeling anxious because I thought there might be pressure to constantly do group activities and that I couldn’t keep up.
I said I wanted to feel free to do things separately with my partner. Both F & L told me that would be fine and at the previous group trip, people “did their own thing”. E.g. F skipped a group day to read her book.
The holiday was incredible and I loved it! But, I didn’t spend all my time with the group. On day 1, I was hungry and wanted to eat dinner early so I went with my partner to a restaurant and had dinner while the rest chilled poolside.
The gang joined us and we had dessert while they had dinner. When our dessert and dinner were over, my partner and I went to bed and left the group there. Similar things happened over the next few days, my partner and I aren’t big partiers and those friends are.
So we were always the first to leave dinner (we wanted to go on morning hikes and runs). One time we visited another region and after spending the day there, we left back to our region for dinner while the group chose to stay. I would say we were a ‘whole’ group at least 2 out of 3 meals every day.
When my partner and I wanted to do something different, I would see if anyone else wanted to join. Some people would show interest but once it was clear that the WHOLE group wouldn’t join, they would back out. In the end, it was just me and my partner doing these outside activities.
On the last day, 3 of them joined us for a pancake breakfast. In the 5 day trip, this was the only occasion that the group split up (outside of me and my partner). That afternoon, I noticed quite a few couples break away from the group to go on walks, etc.
When we got back, I met up with F and asked her to talk. She was hostile during the trip, making mean comments to me, so generally, I avoided her. In our talk, she said I was “selfish” and that I was “never” with the group and only with my partner.
She said if I’m not prepared to join all group activities, I shouldn’t go on a group holiday. When I said I was a bit different to the group when it comes to partying etc she said I knew that before the trip and shouldn’t have come if I couldn’t fit in.
I said it sounded like something more to do with her than me because I couldn’t ruin her trip by not being around. She disagreed and said she wasn’t the only one with issues. L has confessed she found it difficult but because her social anxiety means for her there is a script in social situations and when I broke that script it made her uncomfortable.
I’m hurt by what F said and I can’t get it off my mind so I would like to hear from the internet.
So, AITJ for going on a group holiday and doing couple-y things outside of group activities?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here: I won’t call you a jerk because you paid to go on the trip no one else can dictate what you do and how you spend your time.
At the same time, I understand other people’s feelings saying why come if you want to do nothing with the people you are going with. To me, I would feel like you only came because you’re saving money coming with us instead of just you and your partner.
Also if you’re hurt by what your friends said it’s because it’s true” Apart-Scene-9059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Group holidays don’t have to be about doing EVERYTHING as a group. People have different personalities and interests and you communicated openly about your concern about this up front.
Also, you say you invited others to join every time you went to do something with your partner. Your friends in turn sound like jerks for their way of going about this. Agreed with what was said by someone else.. these people are in their 30s?
Sounds like a high school vibe.” Dry_Dragonfruit_6533
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk, but could also see YTJ. You mentioned that pretty much everyone else functioned as a group, and there was only one day when people ventured off as couples to do things separately.
I think that only spending some meals with the group maybe make them feel like you weren’t a part of the overall vacation. At the end of the day, it was a group trip, and if you spent the majority of that time doing things as a couple, it seems like you maybe shouldn’t have gone on a group trip.
Some of these people likely wanted to spend time with you, but it seems like you were only interested if it was convenient for you, and you prioritized doing things as a couple instead of trying to find things you could all do together. I think your friend saying that your actions messed with her anxiety is a bit much because her social anxiety isn’t your problem.
But I also feel like them being annoyed with you is valid too.” YearOneTeach
15. AITJ For Reporting Classmates Who Mocked My Family's Struggles?
“The place I live is relatively affluent and there’s barely anyone in my school who isn’t upper middle class, which makes me an outlier as I’m not very well off compared to them.
People avoid me because of my family background. I know I have a pretty bad reputation but I don’t get bullied per se, I just get ignored more which is fine I guess since my (16M) anxiety is terrible, I’m quite quiet and I don’t talk to anybody in school.
I had a bad year as my mom passed away and my brother was arrested so we’ve been struggling more than usual. I only told 2 people. I don’t know how but people found out and word spread around maybe through their parents. Last week people started asking me about it even though none of them ever talked to me before.
So in one of my classes, the teacher was talking about incarceration and this guy raised his hand and said “I think ____’s brother got arrested recently why don’t we ask him about his experience”. I was mortified and the teacher just said it was highly inappropriate and shut it down.
I left as soon as possible but from what I heard he got scolded after that.
At lunch, I usually sit with only one other person and the next day that guy and all his friends came over and started asking me about my life.
One of them brought up my mom and said that he was sorry for me but I should try to keep out of trouble and that he wouldn’t want me going down the same path as my brother. I know it sounds harmless but I don’t know I just know that they were trying to get back at me by acting condescending.
I was mad at this point and told them to shut up. The same guy from class called me a mommy’s boy who couldn’t handle a joke and I don’t know why but that set me off and I started crying. And then they realized they had to back off and left.
After that, I heard that they were spreading rumors about my mother and some other disgusting stuff. I knew it was from them because they told my friend to his face. My friend told me I should report all of them for provoking me. The guy in my class who brought up my brother had really good grades and the school was planning on sending him to some competition.
I knew that it would get him in a lot of trouble but I didn’t care at that point. So I followed my friend’s advice and reported all of them.
A week later I found out that he was kicked out of the school team and wouldn’t be allowed to compete in any events for the next 6 months.
This is genuinely a harsh punishment and I didn’t expect it to be so serious. At first, I felt a little satisfied which is bad I know but a lot of people have been glaring at me for days and one of his friends confronted me and told me I had such a massive overreaction and jeopardized his future over this.
I’m not sure whether what I did was justified and if I was overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“He got himself dropped by behaving in such a despicable manner. If there was nothing wrong with his behaviour the school would not have reacted the way they did.
Good grades say nothing about a person’s personality and values. Stepping on someone who he thinks is below him shows what a bully he truly is. Better he learns fast that actions have consequences. I would not feel bad for reporting this type of harassment.
NTJ.” LadyWiezeI
Another User Comments:
“What those guys did was terrible, especially considering what you’ve been going through. Reporting them was the right thing to do. While the punishment may seem harsh, the school has a responsibility to address bullying and protect students. You’re not responsible for the consequences of their actions.
It’s understandable to feel conflicted, but try to focus on taking care of yourself.” QuinnWhimsical
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – honey he isn’t even banned from competing in events forever, and losing an afterschool activity isn’t the end of the world. Does your classmate think that future employers are going to drop him as a candidate because of high school drama?
You jeopardized nothing, and this is 100% a situation where you stuck up for yourself as he was escalating. Of course, his friends pick his side so you just disregard anybody who doesn’t have your best interests at heart, okay?” LemmePet
14. AITJ For Starting My Future Mother-In-Law's Baking Job When She Was Late?
“I (30f) own a bakery business. My fiancee’s mother (65f) works for me as the primary baker. I offered a flexible schedule and told her she could pick the hours she would like to work.
Prep takes place in a kitchen set up within my home. Every week she tells me what day and time she would like to come do her baking prep work. Every week she has been late and I have never complained to her about it or made any comments.
A few days ago she told me she would come bake at 4:30 pm start. Not a problem. I got off work around 3:30 and began prepping dough for her to bake on her arrival. I turned my oven on around 4 pm because it takes a while to heat up.
At 4:20 she texted me she was going to dinner and would come by after. She did not give a time of arrival. I didn’t say anything to her about it. I didn’t complain. I had the oven on and time to kill so I just started doing some of the prep to get ahead of the game.
I figured since she was going to be late, I might as well utilize the time I had. My fiancee’s mom showed up at 5:58. When she got there she asked why I was baking. I said I just figured I could get ahead of the game rather than let the dough sit.
She asked me if I had a problem with her being late. I said I had no issues, I would just appreciate it if the next time she could give me 24-hour notice of when she plans to come work so I could plan accordingly.
She then said that SHE had an issue with it. I asked what she meant. She told me it was insulting that I began her job. I told her I didn’t mean any ill will by it, I was just trying to use the time I had.
She told me she just wanted to get the work done and we would talk about it later.
I gave it a couple of hours and went back into the kitchen to ask if she could take a quick break and we could discuss the issue because I’d like to find a resolution if possible.
I asked her how she was feeling. She told me “If I think there are issues then I should speak first,” I said, “Well I said I had no issues, you were the one who said you had a problem and I’m just trying to understand.” She told me again it was insulting that I started her job.
She said that I told her she could pick her hours, and if I have different expectations to communicate them. I said “I don’t have a problem with you picking your hours. I am just asking that you let me know when you plan to come and arrive at that time so I can plan accordingly.” To this, she said to me “Well, this is how I feel.
I’m not the one for this job. You are the way you are and you can find someone else.”
My fiancee was in the other room listening and was as confused as I was. I went upstairs and cried. I have been close with my fiancee’s mom for years and have never had any sort of argument or disagreement.
We have only ever had a very positive relationship.
AITJ? I’m so confused.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here If you’re going to be a boss then BE A BOSS! You’re letting her call the shots, telling you what to do and not caring that she’s often late.
Would you ever let any other employee do that to you, risking your business? She’s taking advantage of you. She’s disrespectful and rude. Please learn from this. You’ve given her free rein and it’s bitten you in the backside. Next time, hire someone more responsible and pay them accordingly, preferably someone not related to you.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, part of the problem here is you pretending there was no issue. It doesn’t make you a jerk but you’re on the road to being a doormat. By the way, your future MIL knows she was in the wrong and she tried to provoke you into saying something.
She doesn’t care that you started working before she got there. NTJ.” peachypapayas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Very entitled behavior to expect the world to stop for you while you are running late, even for social gatherings people commonly say “don’t wait up” if they are super late to not inconvenience others.
But here we are talking about a business, one I assume she was remunerated for. You have been extremely flexible with her yet she is not taking any responsibility, instead heaping blame on you. Very inappropriate behavior and OP you’re dTJ. Confusing as to why she acted this way, maybe she was embarrassed and felt vulnerable that her lateness led to you doing her role?
Sometimes when people feel vulnerable they lash out, it’s the only thing I can think of.” Sir_Prized
13. AITJ For Going Off On A Bumble Match Who Accused Me Of An Affair?
“I matched with a guy on an app, we chatted and made plans to meet on my lunch break today since he has the day off.
He started today with a good morning text and asked what the plan was.
I gave them a spot close to my work and asked if he was still good to go there. He said yes. After I got to work he said “I have a question” which is a pet peeve of mine, right after the statement he said “You’re being unfaithful huh” without even a question mark.
I said no and asked what led him to ask me that.
He said because I didn’t text him much yesterday, I won’t give him my number, and because I want to meet at lunch. So I got annoyed and explained that there are plenty of creeps online so I prefer to meet and see how I connect with someone before giving out my registered phone number and that I went to college classes and worked a full shift yesterday so I was tired. Also, you said you’re free all day and asked when I wanted to meet I wanted to eat lunch off the property so I offered it, could have done night if that was better (I prefer lunch dates, sue me)
He then said ok, but can we meet up and hang out instead I don’t want to be eating when I first meet someone. I said I get that but it’s my LUNCH break hence the lunch part… so you want to do drinks instead?
He then got weirder and said, “Drinks on your lunch break?? LOL”. I said yes. I take clients out to lunch with a drink or 2 with lunch. I’m not getting intoxicated during the day with my adult responsibilities. Then he proceeded to say “I have an adult job and responsibilities too, honey.”
I asked so what did you mean by meet up and hang out without food and drinks? He said, “So you’re cool with going back to work intoxicated?” And I lost it. Again I’m NOT getting intoxicated and who are you my dad to act like this?
Again what did you mean about meeting up and hangout? He then proceeds to say, “Well since you’re asking, we can always hook up in the car.”
I was so upset. I totally lost it on him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you gave that clown more of your time and energy than what was necessary.
You don’t need closure from a guy you haven’t even met in person yet, and there’s not a snowball’s chance that he’ll absorb (much less learn) from your parting comments to him. After his first cringe comment, I would have blocked and walked.” ThrowRA_shelterprof
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t call this “dad-ing” you. Sounds like negging. Him insulting you so you would somehow think he’s a stud and give in to his inevitable physical demand. Too bad you didn’t just mess with him and send him to various places until he ran out of gas, literally and figuratively.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Refusing To Accept My Stepmom As My Second Mom In Family Therapy?
“My dad, his wife “Eve” and I (17f) are in “family therapy” together. We started therapy 4 weeks ago and the first week we went to see the therapist individually across the week and from the second week onward we were in the sessions together.
In the first session we did together the therapist did most of the talking to us and she pointed out some things she wanted us to know and keep in mind as a group.
Last week we started doing more talking and she asked us why we felt we were in therapy.
My dad said it was because Eve had been my stepmom for a very long time and was not acknowledged appropriately and he felt like we needed to work this out together because it wasn’t fair that she had raised me for so many years and yet she’s discarded as a mother.
Eve said we were in therapy because no matter how hard she tried, I would not accept and embrace her as the motherly figure she has been in our family I broke her heart many times since she met me and now that I’m almost an adult she’s hoping we can turn it around.
My answer was we’re in therapy because my dad and Eve do not listen and cannot accept the fact I have never, will never, claim Eve is my mom or my second mom. I said they appear to be incapable of accepting the fact I have not changed my mind about her being my second mom and they were dumb enough to think that I was lying for years about the fact Eve is not my mom.
I said I had always been honest about this and never claimed otherwise. And that they believed me too young and dumb to know how I felt. So now that I was 17 and saying the same thing as always they had panicked and were still being dumb about this and thinking they could pressure me into feeling a different way.
My dad and Eve were angry about what I said. They told me I did not get to use therapy to insult them. I pointed out I had not wanted to go to therapy with them in the first place.
The quick bg: They got married when I was 8 and I lost my mom when I was 5.
That’s a sensitive subject with Dad because he always blamed her for her death (she went out with friends and ended up drinking too much which led to her death). And he (and Eve) think it should have made me more willing to have another mom.
But I never accepted Eve as my mom. Not even when she gave me half-siblings. I always said I would not call Eve’s mom. I have always said I have one mom. I said no to their faces when they asked me to say I have two moms. We ended up in therapy because my aunt died four years ago and my uncle is getting married again.
My cousin was upset about and I was talking to him and we talked about the whole two moms thing I said I only have one and Eve was never my mom to me and his almost stepmom doesn’t have to be to him either.
My dad and Eve heard, were horrified, and insisted on therapy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your dad that if Eve dies, you’re going to pick out a new wife for him based on what you want in a mother, not what he wants in a wife, and you will take it as selfish, rude, and disrespectful if he does not love his new wife exactly as he loved Eve, with no differentiation allowed, and no coolness or lack of affection.
If he objects, ask him why you are supposed to treat people as interchangeable, replace someone you loved deeply with a stranger he picked for you based on what he wanted in a wife rather than what you wanted in a mother, and change your feelings forcibly to suit what he wants in a family, when he won’t do the same for you.” Katja1236
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – While you should acknowledge what your stepmother does for you and the household, you do not have to consider her your mom, second mom, replacement mom, or anything like it. Getting married was their decision, and that’s their relationship. The relationship you have with your mom is between you and your late mother, and your feelings are yours.
The relationship you choose to have with Eve is between you and Eve, and you get to decide what she is to you.” cracker
Another User Comments:
“I empathize. I lost my mom at 2, suddenly. She died giving birth to my younger brother and my dad came home with a newborn, 2-year-old, 4-year-old, and 8-year-old.
He remarried when I was 4 to a woman who had 4 children who lost their dad to cancer. We were forced to call her mom. And they were forced to call my dad by dad. All pics were taken of the biological parents. Thankfully extended family members had pics to give us years later.
I get that they were trying to make us one family but forcing this issue just causes resentment. You are NTJ. Good luck and stay firm. You could change your mind as you age but I doubt you will as it is being forced down your throat” Alarmed_Comment37.
And hang in there, you are almost an adult and can soon move out.
11. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws To Stop Pressuring Their Widowed Son To Remarry?
“My wife’s cousin lost his wife 2.5 years ago. The cousin, who I’ll call James, was left with 3 young children to raise. My wife’s parents are very close to James and alongside James’ parents (my in-laws’ brother and sister-in-law) they have been suggesting James remarry and find a mother for the children and create a happy family for them again with stability two parents bring that one cannot.
Everyone else, my wife, her siblings, James’ siblings, other family members, they all know that James is in no place to find another relationship. He is not in a space where he would be a good partner to anyone else. His kids are not in a place where they would accept another woman coming into their lives in that way.
Everyone else can see that pushing James to find a new wife right away is going to end badly, and has a few potential bad endings, with really nobody else seeing a chance for a positive one.
I have experience with this. My father lost his first wife when my half-siblings were 6, 5, and 3.
He married my mom 2 years later. My mom was crazy about my dad and truly loved my half-siblings. My father felt like he had “done the best thing” for his kids by finding them another mother figure. Only my half-siblings despised my mom, detested her, and were hateful toward her until the day she died. When I (28m) came along three years into my parent’s marriage, it was to a “family” that was unhealthy and my mom was like a single parent to four, then five, kids.
My father was more like a child who relied on her in a maternal sense than a man who had a spousal relationship. She was the person who wiped his tears while he sobbed over his late wife and who had to assure him the late wife still loved him.
I, too, was resented when I came along. Of course, there is also the fact my father never treated me the same as my half-siblings. He was a father of four but a dad to only three of his kids. I was never acknowledged as a sibling by my half-siblings and when my mom died when I was 17 I was left with no family.
My father ended up moving in with his oldest and that was the last I had any contact with them. My half-siblings didn’t come to my mom’s funeral or anything.
And at the core of everything was my father not being ready or in a place to move on.
He married again for the wrong reasons. And while I wish like heck my mom hadn’t stayed, she also grew up very alone with a very emotionally distant family, so she was just so desperate for a family and hoped she could make it work.
This is why when everyone else’s suggestions to my in-laws to back off James were met with deaf ears, I decided to speak up and suggest they leave James alone and back off on the advice they were giving him because he clearly isn’t ready and I mentioned how it would be far worse for everyone if James and the kids aren’t ready and he forces it because of the pressure being faced. They told me to mind my own business and accused me of trying to shame them with my history.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they need to back up! He’s an adult and in charge of his own life. He probably needs to be the one to tell them to back up because they aren’t going to listen to anyone else. Probably not to him either but you’re right.
There are far too many people including people I know whose parents rushed to marry to bring in a mother/father figure and it was a disaster and backfired badly. He’s doing the right thing prioritising himself and his kid’s healing. If my husband died there’s no way I’d be looking for someone else!
The kids have grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and older cousins who can help be role models and support us there would be zero “need” for me to find a new husband” OneMoreCookie.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In general, I’d say stay out of your wife’s extended family issues unless she asks you to intervene, but given your relevant personal history with a similar situation, I think it was worth sharing.
Your perspective could give them some insight if they chose to listen. Is there anything specific motivating the push for him to remarry from the older generation of the family? Is he relying on them to a much greater extent for childcare, for instance?” phtcmp
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ!! Proud of you for being in James’ corner. He needs that now and in the future. That said, you can only do so much. James does need grief counseling if he hasn’t had it already, but he also needs a friend who understands what the consequences of what the in-laws are “suggesting” might be.
You said that he has a vague idea of your backstory. Maybe sitting down with him when he’s in a receptive mood, or when the subject comes up…again…and will tell him the real story of how you grew up. Don’t sugarcoat it.
This is, of course, if you feel comfortable doing that, but I think if he hears it from the child’s POV, he’ll grow a shiny spine and tell the in-laws to leave him alone, and that when/if he ever remarries, it’ll be on his timetable and not theirs.” Mundane-Scarcity-219
10. AITJ For Reporting My Classmate's Answer Sheet To Our Teacher?
“This happened a few months ago before I graduated, but I’ve been thinking about it recently and wanted some insight because I’m still conflicted about it.
I (18m) had an English class with this guy F (19m) my senior year/his junior year. We didn’t talk much, we had been assigned seats together a few times and made small talk (where I learned that information about him) but not much else.
He was kind of weird and apprehensive sometimes, but I chalked it up to being anxious about Junior year which is understandable because Junior year suuuucked. In this English class, we had a monthly review test; it was always announced weeks beforehand and usually happened about the same day every month.
We would go over the answers beforehand, then put all of our notes away and do the test for 15 minutes (it was like 5-10 questions tops), turn them in, and go over the answers the next day. I had noticed this F guy get a slip of paper from one of the other guys in the class and tried not to pay attention too much because that’s not my business.
You do what you’ve got to do. However, once the test started, I watched this guy sitting right next to me (this was a public school, mind you, so the desks weren’t very large) shove his hand into the front of his pants. Just right into the crotch.
This happened a few times before I heard the sort of crinkly paper sound and realized that he was hiding the piece of paper he had been given in the crotch part of his pants and then retrieving it to look at the answers before shoving it right back into his pants.
I felt sick to my stomach, which has genuinely never happened to me before, but I seriously thought I was gonna hurl.
The teacher called the time, and we tidied up all of the testing stuff, I watched as F took the piece of paper back out of his pants, shoved it elbow-deep into the trash can, and then grabbed a tissue and delicately laid it over the top.
And then sat back down. Like nothing happened. I was decently chummy with the teacher, so after class, I asked to talk with her and told her to please never sit us together again because yes, I’d caught him being dishonest, and he kept shoving his hands down the front of his pants.
One of his friends overheard (though to be fair I think he was standing a few feet away, and though I tried to whisper it’s understandable that he would have heard. Whoops) and he cornered me in the hallway and confronted me about it, very angrily asking to see my phone and what “proof” I had and why the heck would I snitch to the teacher kind of on loop.
I told him to get lost and that I didn’t owe him anything and went on with my day. Later, though, I talked to one of my friends about it, and she said it was OK that I was uncomfortable but I shouldn’t have said anything about it to the teacher and just dealt with it.
Another said the same thing, but he also witnessed this guy muttering profanities under his breath walking past us and thought it was hilarious. I have no idea how to feel, so… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t have to be distracted sitting a test by someone shoving their hands in their pants no matter why they were doing it.” Revolutionary-Dryad
9. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Coworker For A Ruined T-Shirt Quilt?
“I have always had a love of sports growing up. It didn’t matter what sport it was, I loved playing it. So when I got to college, I played every intramural imaginable, oftentimes for like 4 hours a night.
For every championship I won, I got a T-shirt. These became my pride and joy. Upon graduating I had collected 20 of these. I was told I could get these made into a T-shirt quilt and now I wanted one.
Fast forward to the end of my first year of teaching.
It came up in conversation with another colleague of mine that she quilted. I explained the project and she said she would have no problem cutting out the squares from my shirts and making them into a quilt. I dropped them off the last day of school and she said it would get done over the summer.
Well when I arrived back for my second year, she explained she got really busy over the summer and couldn’t get it done. I was disappointed but understood. She said no worries, she will get it done by the end of the school year. Well, that didn’t happen either.
Her plan was now to do it over the summer once more.
Well, the third year started and it still wasn’t done. I asked her about it as I was growing impatient. She told me she had given them to a friend (another teacher who I worked with) who loved doing that kind of thing and had time to do it.
I said okay and went to talk to the other teacher. She said she would cut out the t-shirts into squares and prepare them to put into a quilt. She had that part done by Christmas so I was excited that it was finally moving along.
She told me she was going to a quilting convention in May, and that is when she would finally finish it, right before my wedding as a wedding gift.
April came along and the lady’s son-in-law who I am friends with had heard about my quilt saga for a long time.
I occasionally asked him if he heard any updates since he was over there a lot. His face turned blank one time and I asked what was wrong. He told me she had left the box of my t-shirts out on her deck all winter and when she finally looked at them in April, they were moldy and wrecked. I was devastated.
My wedding was in a week and surprisingly the lady came into my room and said my quilt was done. I didn’t understand how that was possible given what the son-in-law had told me. She brought it in the Thursday before my wedding excited to show me.
That is where I saw the big issue. I gave her 20 shirts to make into a 4×5 quilt. When I saw it, there were only 8 of the shirts I gave her in the quilt. The rest of them got wrecked as I was told. She gave them to me and said, “For your wedding gift, here it is and I’ll give you a discount.
You only owe me $150.”
After 3 years and over half of my stuff wrecked, I refused to pay her. She now brings it up to my coworkers how I’m cheap, unreliable, and won’t ever pay people for services they provide. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You shouldn’t owe her anything, by this time it should have been free with all the delays and now ruining the majority of t-shirts.
You were in no way cheap and unreliable, she was of course. I would take her to small claims court and lay out the facts which are all on your side. And see if the court will give relief for this travesty and fraud she is trying to perpetrate on you.
It would be a hassle to do this, but this lady needs to be taught a lesson.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“You trusted your coworker with your prized shirts, and she let them go moldy and then expected you to pay for a half-finished quilt?
That’s like asking for payment after serving you a half-baked pie! Her whining to coworkers makes her look bad not you. You had every right to refuse payment after such a mess. Stand your ground!” Tam2lano3
Another User Comments:
“Not at all. Take a picture of it.
And if you have pictures of all of your shirts, show them. And tell them why it’s not what you were supposed to get. And, you were told it was a gift. Until you got told you owed $150. Also, you were never asked about her making it.
Over 3 years late. The original one is also a jerk, they should have admitted that they weren’t doing it and given them back. Ha, tell her you’ll deduct the $150 from the cost of the shirts she ruined. Figure out an approximate cost for not just the shirt but the concert or whatever.” Mulewrangler
8. AITJ For Disconnecting My Friend's Phone Service After She Failed To Pay Her Bills?
“My friend asked me to put her on my phone plan a while ago. We have been friends for 10 years. We have been through a lot together. I wanted to help her, but I also knew she didn’t hold to her word about paying people on time.
I am on my dad’s phone plan but I am the main user on the plan and I pay both my dad’s and I’s phone bills. My dad is on fixed income so I try to help him as much as I can. I added her to my plan.
Not long after she asked me if she could get a watch with cellular. This would mean getting the watch & having to make payments every month on it. I was apprehensive because I didn’t want to get stuck with the bill if something ever happened to our friendship.
She’s been awful about paying it. Her partner’s mom stole the watch and she doesn’t even have it anymore. She pays it late and I always have to chase after her for it. Earlier this week we got into an argument because I tried to come out two days in a row to hang out with her & something came up both times.
The first time my dad had just gotten out of the hospital & my mom was working a midnight shift & since I only live 2 blocks from my mom & dad’s house, my dad asked me to be on call. As I was packing to go to her house, he texted me asking if I would be around in case something happened & he needed me.
My friend said don’t worry about it & dad comes first. My friend lives an hour away. The next night, I had made plans to go out there.
My friend works nights. It was 6 pm. She leaves for work at 10 pm. By the time I got out there, it would be 7 pm or even later.
I have to work at 8 am the next morning. I was walking out the door & my sister-in-law who lives next door came outside and needed me. She was having a bad day arguing with my brother & needed me to stay home & be with her.
I chose to support her. I told my friend and I apologized. Her partner texted me and told me how awful of a friend I am. He told me that they both talked & decided that it would be best if I didn’t try to come over anymore because she was pregnant and it was bad for her and the baby.
He said I was hurting her. I apologized. I didn’t mean to and it wasn’t the intention. I mentioned the phone bill to both my friend and her partner. They both said I will get the money. She told me she’d pay me on Wednesday when she got paid from work.
Wednesday came and went. She said she didn’t get paid yet and would pay me Friday when she got money from her sister. Friday came & went and she hasn’t messaged me about it. She hasn’t responded & deleted me on social media.
I contacted Verizon & they said the only way I could disconnect her service would be to move the watch to my dad’s plan, remove cellular from the watch, and then disconnect her line. I will still have to pay $13 a month for the watch, but that’s better than $85 a month which I cannot afford.
So, AITJ for disconnecting her service because I’m afraid she won’t pay it anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She is not holding up her end of the bargain, and you are under no obligation to pay her bills for her. Do whatever you have to do, and disconnect her service.
If she wants one, let her get her plan. By the way, it sounds, like they have no intention of keeping their promise to pay. Time to cut your losses and cut her out of your life. A true friend does not take advantage of another person’s kindness and generosity.
Also, let your father know you are disconnecting her and why. If he wants to pay for her phone bills, then he can take on the payments himself. You are not her keeper.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a bigger problem. I do not mean any disrespect by this.
You are what is known as a doormat. People are taking advantage of your left and right. Look at your post. Dad needs you last minute. You drop everything. Sister-in-law needs you, you drop everything. A friend, who you don’t trust financially, needs you, and you put her on your phone plan.
Friend, now put a watch on your phone plan and you are stuck with the bill. I’m sorry. Being a people-pleaser is the issue.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to add the word ‘No’ to your vocabulary. Why do you let people use you?
You need to reflect on that. Do what you have to do to get rid of the leach and her BF.” Complete_Special_721
7. AITJ For Hiding My Relationship From My Overbearing Stepdad?
“Am I a jerk?
I, 22 (f), live with my aunt and her family.
I grew up in her custody ever since I was an infant but she treated me as her own. I was with her even before she got married to this guy that I now call dad. That’s when my life turned upside down. I have learned that my now dad had 2 other daughters from different women and the way he treated them was always for his benefit.
I had always been afraid that he would do the same to me. Sure enough, he did. I’m now studying 3rd year college attempting to follow my mom’s footsteps in education and everything his mouth goes on about is the money that I would earn and the money that I would give him when I started earning.
He would always tell me to focus on my studies, and never go near any boys. Even my male friends are afraid of him. Even with my gay friends, he would always get suspicious of me being in a relationship with them. He told me that he didn’t want my attention steering away from him and our family.
I met this guy during my first year in college. We began seeing each other. Everything is going well. I am open about my relationship with my mom and she supports me. We both know that Dad wouldn’t like it and would lash out if he found out about it.
He is the type to break stuff and bring innocent people into the issue. So me and my mom hid it from him. He would get suspicious occasionally that I was spending time with a guy because I would get home late and even if it was about school he would not believe me but my mom would always back me up.
It always put pressure on my mental health having his eyes all over me. He even got the school guard to look after me but thankfully that guard had been fired for other matters. I would always feel like he’s everywhere watching me, he is the reason why I have severe anxiety.
I can’t go to parties. I can’t visit a friend. I always feel like I’m not living my own life. He even invaded my privacy before by looking through my phone. I even found him taking pictures of my conversations with friends behind my back.
His excuse for having his eyes on me all the time is that he never lived with the other 2 daughters he had from his previous wives and he wanted to fulfill the feeling of raising a child but he never contributed to my education. He also doesn’t have a job and always relies on my mom’s money as well as his siblings who live in the US.
His excuse for forbidding me to not have a partner is that he said I might get pregnant early. That’s what he always says. He makes me feel like a loose woman, a girl who all want is physical intimacy and he said that all guys are the same so he knows what they want and he was only trying to protect me.
I feel unsafe and afraid of him. He had always been the reason for my mental breakdowns making me think that I was unlovable and my life was not worth living if I disobeyed him. He is also the type who would laugh at my flaws.”
Another User Comments:
“Are you living at home? If you are, can you live on campus? Are you physically safe around him? Is he touching you inappropriately? How does your mom feel about him being so possessive about you? You NTJ for hiding things from him, but you need to separate your life further from him, and let him know that your private life is yours alone, and you do not owe him anything.
Also, your mom/aunt should have resources that are protected so that he can’t claim everything if the marriage fails because he seems like the kind to wipe her out when he leaves the marriage” Ok-Possible9327
6. AITJ For Leaving My Stubborn Mother During A Hurricane Evacuation?
“I 30 live at one of my older brother’s house temporarily, until I find my footing. We live in Florida, and our mother(69) also lives in the same home. Now there’s a hurricane, a category 5, coming to the state and our area will be impacted. For those of you who don’t know, a Cat.5 is incredibly dangerous/deadly.
My older brother’s(49) work requires that he be present in the much more dangerous part of the state to provide relief. So it just leaves me and my mother. As we were preparing I took a look at our town’s evacuation orders. We are situated in an area that’s likely to suffer from a storm surge, a large amount of displaced water that is projected to be about 15ft.
Now with this storm, I did some research and looked at the projected outcomes. I explained to my mom that staying home is dangerous and we should evacuate to a nearby shelter. She says okay and I go about collecting my essentials and some bobbles to keep my mind occupied. When I was done I went to her room and asked if she needed help.
She tells me that she wants to stay, citing that she has “diarrhea.” I tried to reason with her and convince her that this was not safe for about 5 minutes. She dismisses my points and says she wants to stay home and tells me to go.
So this is where I may be the jerk, I left because in my mind landfall of the storm was eminent within a few hours and I didn’t have time to argue. I tried to convince her as I got ready to leave but she was adamant that she was in “God’s hands.”
Now my siblings, who live a few hours away weren’t pleased. I’m sure my mom convinced them that I left her to save my skin without a thought. My sister 46, and another brother (41) were berating me for leaving her. I ended up blocking them, after briefly explaining that I wasn’t successful in convincing her to leave.
Now before them blowing up my phone, I was making periodic checks on my mom. The storm was a few hours out. On one of these checks, I told her to let her pack of wolves know I’m not dealing with them anymore. While we were talking I asked if she wanted to come to the shelter with me as a last-ditch attempt to convince her.
She tells me that she had a friend who offered to pick her up and offer shelter, however, they lived too far and this was the 11th hour of the advent of the storm.
I was incredulous. She’d rather die than go to a shelter at a school for a few hours.
I explained to myself again that the situation was life or death and somehow managed to convince her to join me at the shelter. So I rushed out to get her, the storm was still several hours away and the winds were not too dangerous to drive in.
I told her to get her stuff and we headed towards the shelter. During the drive, I berated her and asked what had changed from 3 hours ago, when I initially told her to come with me. She says that she was convinced that she was in an unsafe situation by my siblings and her friends.
Now I am catching flack for leaving her when she was being undecided.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I used to live in Florida. There are a ridiculous number of retirees down there who refuse to evacuate. It’s frustrating and heartbreaking. She says it’s in God’s hands.
You could try pointing out that God sent you to evacuate her, but I doubt that would make a difference. I have no doubts that your mother is telling your siblings you abandoned her, etc. Diarrhea is the lamest excuse I’ve heard for staying in the path of a Category 5 hurricane.
Hopefully, the brother who stayed can do something to help her.” PikesPique
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s an adult. She made her own decision. You tried getting her to come with you plenty of times. You shouldn’t risk your life just because someone else is too stubborn.
She’s lucky you had enough time to safely get her when she changed her mind. She could’ve caused something tragic to happen to you both just because she was being stubborn.” Stitch_btch626
5. AITJ For Not Walking My Friend Home?
“I lived with “Dee” for about 2 years after college. We hung out all the time, we’d go running together, & we had/still have a lot of mutual friends.
I moved to a different town for a year for a job opportunity & she moved in with her partner for a few years. Not long after they’d been living together, he tragically lost his life in a freak accident. While I certainly wasn’t a perfect friend to her during her grief, I did not give up on her when she tried to push everyone away & I would visit/talk to her as much as I could.
Earlier this year, I got permission to work remotely & moved back to the city & started hanging out with Dee more frequently again.
Main story – About 2 months ago, Dee, 2 friends (“Cee” & “Gee”) & I met up to run a 6-mile loop early on a Wednesday.
We’re all training for a marathon so we run together often. We met up near Dee’s apartment. We start our running loop & we’re all chatting. About 2 miles into the running route, Dee slows down while Cee & Gee are running ahead a bit. I slow down to be near Dee & ask her how she is.
She gives me a thumbs up & says she’s fine. She tells me to carry on running, so I do. Soon, she is running next to me again. About 5 min later we reunite with Cee & Gee. Dee tells us that she thinks she’s done for the day & will walk back.
We all ask her if she is okay & if she’s sure she wants to go alone – she says yes & goes. Later when Cee, Gee, & I finish the run, I text Dee in our group chat to see if she got home.
She says she was not home yet. I ask her if she would like a ride – she says no.
Something seemed off so I texted Dee separately from the group to ask her if she was okay. No reply. About 30 min goes by & finally, she texts that she is home.
I ask her if she is okay. No reply. Two days later on Friday, I text her to ask if she wants to go to the gym. No reply. On Saturday, she skips our weekly long run. On Monday, I texted again to see if she was upset & if she wanted to talk.
No reply. The following weekend, she skips the long run again. I texted her that Sunday saying that I hoped she was okay & that I was available if she wanted to talk or needed anything. Finally, 2 weeks after the Wednesday run, she texted me that she was anxious during the run & had a panic attack when we all left her.
I apologized for not realizing & not staying with her because that truly sucks to go through alone – especially away from home. She didn’t reply. I’ve checked on her since & she’ll not reply. She’ll only go to group runs or activities that we’re both invited to if I can’t make it.
Yesterday Gee brought it to my attention that Dee was still upset specifically me for not going with Dee when she walked home alone from our run while having a panic attack. Dee wasn’t mad at Cee because she doesn’t know them that well & she wasn’t mad at Gee because they’re a guy.
She was mad at me for not sensing that when she said no, she meant yes. Am I the jerk for not going with her?”
Another User Comments:
“UGH – I HATE this game. NTJ. People, surprisingly, can’t read minds. Hence the need for words.
If you’re not ok and need something from someone, who is REPEATEDLY checking on you, that person needs to say so. You could tell Dee was off, you asked multiple times if she needed assistance/company/a ride, etc., and she said no. And now she’s mad you didn’t read into her mind and pick up on what she thought/was feeling because the words that came out of her mouth told you differently?
Did she expect you to sit there and pry it out of her like a child? Tell Dee that next time she needs help, isn’t doing well, or needs something – even just someone to listen, she needs to use her words like a big girl.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dee sounds like a piece of work, outright lying to you when you ask if she’s okay if she wants you to walk with her/drive her, etc. Plus, when you ask multiple times if she’s okay and she lies to you about it, you can’t be blamed for taking her at her word, and for her to now use that as ‘evidence’ that you ‘abandoned’ her is more than a little out of line.
She’s trying to guilt trip you for her own choices, and for the fact that you’re not a mind reader. She sounds like one of those people who thrives on drama, everything is about her, everything she doesn’t like (even if orchestrated by her, as in this case) is a personal attack, and so on.
I’ve dealt with people like that, and it’s incredibly exhausting. While it’s sad she lost her partner, there is probably a reason that she pushed people away: it let her play the victim. If I were you, I’d just ignore her, continue on your runs with your friends, and if Dee wants to sulk in the corner like a toddler, let her.
Stop reaching out to her, because you’re only giving her the attention her narcissistic self craves. If she decides she wants to put on her big girl pants and join your group like an adult, you can decide then if you still want her in your life, but I don’t think I would.” lectricpharaoh
4. AITJ For Not Telling My Mom That She Ate Gluten From My Fridge?
“So my mother and I don’t have a great relationship. I recently moved to a new place in a really nice area because I just got a really nice new job. Suddenly my mom really wants to come and visit and see me. I do my best to make up excuses, but she pushes so hard that eventually, I cave.
I’ve been cooking a lot since I got here because I have a nice big kitchen all to myself. Recently I started making latiao. I love it.
Well, my mom and dad got here yesterday afternoon/evening and settled in and we started talking about dinner.
As usual, mom has to pick after looking at online menus for a couple of hours to make sure they fit with her dietary requirements. She ends up picking a vegan restaurant that’s across town, but she’s just so tired from the drive up that she can’t fathom getting back in the car.
So Dad and I agree to go pick it up while she rests.
Driving across my new city is a long process (which I told her ahead of time), and it’s a little over an hour later when we get home with the vegan/gluten-free food she wanted (she’s not vegan, but she is adamantly gluten-free and has been for a few years now).
We get inside and as I am opening the food in the kitchen I notice the Pyrex snapware container of Latiao that was in my fridge is now empty in my sink. She even dumped out the sauce that I’d been soaking them in.
I asked her if she’d eaten something out of my fridge while we were gone and she said that yes she had eaten some chicken because she was getting lightheaded from hunger, but it was terrible and she was so ready for some ‘real food’.
Now this is where I might have been the jerk; instead of telling her what she had eaten, I just rolled my eyes and dished up the food for everyone and we ate. She continued to remark about how bad and oily the “chicken” was all night.
I finally snapped when she brought it up again first thing this morning when I was picking them up from their hotel. My mom made a joke about not wanting me to cook them breakfast because she didn’t want more oily chicken or something to that effect.
I finally said, “Mom, that was homemade, and I don’t understand why you ate ALL of it if you hated it so much.” She asked me what latiao is and I explained that it’s essentially 100% gluten. I watched as her face dropped, and sure enough within 30 minutes her stomach was “killing her” and she was having difficulty breathing and needed to go to the emergency room.
The whole time we were there she went on and on to the nurses and doctors about how I’d fed her gluten and not told her until it was too late for her to take her medicine and crying because now the whole trip was ruined. Mind you, this is the hospital WHERE I WORK.
My dad essentially told me to go home and think about my actions and give my mother some space, and now I’m just sitting here alone in my cool new place feeling like a jerk and super anxious about what work is going to be like next week.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t give it to her… she sent you to get food for her and while you were gone she ate food from your refrigerator. You made no promise that your home was gluten-free! Interesting that she didn’t get sick until you told her what it was she ate.
Tell everyone at your work that you didn’t feed your mother gluten, she went through your refrigerator when you weren’t home and ate your food. Not your responsibility.” ArreniaQ
Another User Comments:
“She spent a long time finding food she wanted from a place on the other side of town.
Then proceeds to grab something out of the fridge without knowing what it was because she thought it was chicken and ate it all despite it not tasting well. She got what she deserved. NTJ And oh my the moment she knew what it was she suddenly magically got stomach problems and heavy breathing.
100% sure that wouldn’t have happened had you not told her. I feel sorry for you to be forced into having her over and her acting like that. Dad should grow a spine.” DRTvL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who has celiac disease (diagnosed by a specialist) and can’t eat gluten… having difficulty breathing is an allergic reaction thing, not a celiac or gluten sensitivity thing.
An allergic reaction would not be due to gluten, but could be a response to for example wheat, barley, or rye, although not usually 12+ hours in.” Lead-Forsaken
3. AITJ For Refusing To Be A Bridesmaid After Being Overlooked As A Godmother?
“I (19f) have known my aunt, Carol (40f) since I was 7, when she started seeing my uncle. I don’t see them very often since we live on opposite sides of the country (maybe 4 5 times a year), but my dad is very close to his brother so he makes sure we keep in touch.
Two years ago, my aunt got pregnant. I was super happy because I didn’t have any cousins before that, and also because I just love babies. My aunt and uncle had been trying for a baby for a few years and my uncle knew how happy I would be to have a cousin, so, a few years ago he promised me that, if they were one day blessed with a child I would be his godmother, if I wanted to.
I was thrilled, and that was one more reason why I was so excited when I found out that my aunt was pregnant.
Things did not go as planned. I don’t have the full story about this, but 8 months ago my cousin was baptized and I was not chosen as godmother.
My uncle asked that he choose the godmother and my aunt chose the godfather, he asked that I be the godmother, but my aunt refused, saying that she was the one who carried the baby for 9 months and had to go through giving birth, so she deserved to choose both.
She chose her best friend and brother as godparents. I was a bit disappointed and angry but let it go.
Three months ago, my uncle proposed and they are getting married in December. They were starting to plan had made some arrangements, and had chosen their wedding party.
But Carol got in a huge fight with her best friend (my cousin’s godmother) and they don’t talk to each other anymore. Her best friend was supposed to be a bridesmaid, so she was now one bridesmaid short. For that reason, she asked me to be a bridesmaid.
She said that she needed help planning the wedding and that “my creative vision would be appreciated”.
I thought about accepting, despite knowing that I was just asked because she needed a replacement, but then I found out that my uncle originally wanted me to be at the wedding party, but once again my aunt said no. She told him that she was the one who chose the bridesmaids and he chose the groomsmen.
He also asked if I could be a flower girl but she said no. She said something along the lines of “Stop trying to include her in everything, you’re not even that close”. This story could be a little distorted since I heard it from my dad who heard it from other people, but that’s pretty much it.
So I politely declined to be a bridesmaid and told her I wasn’t sure I was the right choice. She got a bit mad because she didn’t have anyone else to ask and insisted a lot. I then told her that I didn’t understand why she wanted me as a bridesmaid since we “weren’t even that close”, and that if she needed a creative vision she should ask a wedding planner.
I know that my reaction was a bit mean and childish, and I probably should’ve just gone with it, but I was tired of being her last option, and only being included when she didn’t have anyone else. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Boundaries are very important never let people treat you like you are always the last option.
I admire you for learning about this while still young. Let her be stressed looking for another bridesmaid, it’s obvious that she is jealous of you.” User
Another User Comments:
“Your response was fine as long as you stop it there. You don’t need to tell her you know that she would rather exclude you from everything.
If she becomes annoyed about this, point out that you live across the country from each other and, therefore would not be available to help with anything, like dress shopping, cake tasting, etc. Also, you know that bridesmaids often help with buying things and with last-minute things, and you would not be able to help with either of those things.
Tell her you can’t wait to celebrate the wedding with her and uncle, but it will have to be as a guest. I would keep conversations with her to text or emails and be sure to include your uncle in them so he knows what is going on.” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are never obliged to let yourself be used, and that’s exactly what she’s trying to do. I don’t think your response was really out of line, given that you both knew you were her choice of last resort and she refused to take no for an answer after you declined politely.
You validated her view of your relationship and gave her good advice about wedding planning. Your wording might make you a bit of a jerk, but it’s no more than she deserves.” Outrageous-Ad-9635
2. AITJ For Planning My Son's Birthday Celebration Without Consulting My Husband?
“My husband (39M) and I (41F) have a son who turns 5 next week. We are having 2 separate bday parties for him this weekend. Saturday we are having close friends and family over to our house, and on Sunday we are having a smaller party at a park with his friends from daycare.
It’s been a lot of work getting everything ready for both parties.
I am also really busy at work. I have an interview for a big promotion coming up next Monday (which happens to be our son’s actual bday). Between all of that and the normal day-to-day stuff, I’m exhausted. I decided to take next Monday off of work.
I figured I would use the morning for final interview prep, have my interview before lunch, then pick up my son early from daycare and do something fun together for his bday.
Last night, I told my husband about this plan and he got kind of upset with me.
He asked me why I didn’t talk to him about this before making a decision. I told him that with all the stuff we have going on, I wanted to take some time for myself to prepare for the interview and thought that doing something fun for our son’s birthday would make it extra special for him.
My husband was upset because he felt like me doing something fun for our son’s birthday without him would make our son think that I care more about his birthday than my husband. I told him that he was being dramatic and that he was welcome to take off work and join us.
He told me that if I had talked to him beforehand then he would have reminded me that he has clients in town all next week to close a big deal. He said he’s told me about this numerous times and that I’ve been so preoccupied with my stuff that I don’t even care to think that sometimes he has things going on, too.
This turned into an argument about me not making my husband feel like a priority.
I will admit that I have been very focused on my own job recently. The promotion is opening up because my boss retired last month and my team has been scrambling since then.
So, yes, I have been very busy with my own stuff in addition to planning 2 bday parties.
My husband then got mad at me for insinuating that he hadn’t helped with any of the party planning, which again, isn’t true. He has done a lot and I’m grateful for that.
But his job is so far off my radar right now with everything else I have going on.
I just wanted to do something fun with our son to not only make his birthday special but to also give myself a reminder of what is most important in life.
My husband told me that this is just another thing that makes him feel like he is not a priority to me. I told him that isn’t true at all, I’ve just been very busy. He told me that actions speak louder than words and I’m making it clear where he stands.
I told him that he is welcome to join us if he can. Or that he can take our son out of daycare whenever he wants to do something fun just the two of them. He told me that’s not the point and that I’m just deflecting.”
Another User Comments:
“Listen very, very carefully when the husband says “actions speak louder than words and I’m making it clear where he stands.” This is about more than just the birthday festivities. Your husband has told you outright he doesn’t feel like a priority for you anymore, and there’s absolutely nothing in your post telling us he’s wrong.
Remind yourself of what is most important in your life. Check. His job is so far off your radar “with everything else going on.” Check. Made plans without him, but he’s “welcome to join us if he can.” Check check check. Your husband may have a valid point.
Consider his perspective… if you still even care. YTJ.” ace_in_space
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, he’s welcome to join the decision you already made about both of your children. It comes across as selfish and dismissive. You did not include him, you should have asked him beforehand and discussed it.
You are in a partnership, well you aren’t but your husband is. It’s all about YOU! You are self-centered and selfish, I hope he finds a better partner next time.” SliceEquivalent825
Another User Comments:
“Your son will be 5yrs/old. Why not bake some cookies, cupcakes, or a small cake with him, get some party hats wait for Dad to come home have some dinner, and break out the treats to celebrate your son’s birthday?
Or if your husband is going to be out, do the baking and celebrate together the following evening. Get back to your husband pronto and let him know you appreciate him and are so sorry for your thoughtless moment – apologies. Tell him your revised plan for Monday – see how he feels about it (hopefully you can reverse the bad feelings).
I would also keep in mind your husband’s feelings, and pamper him a bit, get your son to make a fun birthday card and put a message in there for his dad, and you should also put a little message in there about how much you appreciate that he’s been an outstanding Dad and partner, etc etc.” Kindly-Push-3460
1. AITJ For Being Upset My Husband And MIL Ignored My Request For No Wedding Photos?
“I (35F) got married to my husband (M41) recently.
Neither of us liked the spotlight so agreed on a small event. The only thing I was firm about was I didn’t want photos.
My self-esteem is in the toilet. In the last 18 months, I have put on weight.
I am not looking to make excuses but there are some reasons why.
1. In the last 18 months I have lost both my parents and my grandmother. I have lost 2 jobs and had a miscarriage. Depression has hit me hard at times and I have been comfort eating.
2. I was put on a new medication and weight gain is a side effect.
3. About a year ago I broke my left ankle badly. I have had 3 surgeries to date (the last one was 10 days before the wedding). I can’t walk without pain
I didn’t want photos that would remind me of the fact I am now heavy.
A few weeks before the wedding my mother-in-law is talking about going to a local beauty spot for photos. I say no thank you and that yes I am being serious. My husband heard this and later that night I said again I didn’t want photos and he said that was fine with him.
The week before the wedding I am having the same conversation with MIL and my husband.
The day of the wedding my FIL and MIL picked us up. I am no longer able to drive as I can’t move my ankle.
We get the whole legal shindig done and as we are going back to the car MIL again says let’s go to the beauty spot for photos.
I again say no but she tells FIL to drive there and my husband just sits there. I know I gave him “the look” but total silence.
Long story short the photos are taken and we head back.
In the car driving home, my MIL starts showing me the photos and I hate myself in them.
I look like a pile of heavy nonsense. I look ridiculous in a dress with a medical boot and I can’t stop the tears rolling down my cheeks.
This upsets my mother-in-law and there is an atmosphere the whole rest of the day. I really tried to move on, but I had to get out of that stupid dress and all I really just wanted to hide away.
Privately I told my husband he and his mother ruined our wedding day for me because all I can think of is those pictures. He said he didn’t realize I was so serious about no photos, that it’s only for his mum to keep, and that he thinks I look beautiful.
I told him that not 30 minutes into our marriage he let me down and I don’t know if I am beyond hurt or furious.
He said I was being ridiculous and that I let him down by making such a fuss over a “normal part of weddings”.
He also said I had hurt his mother (she has some mental health issues and has been obsessing over me crying on my wedding day) and that I needed to reassure her she hadn’t done anything wrong.
I told him no and that there would be serious problems if he tried telling her otherwise because as far as I am concerned they both ignored my one request and that was unacceptable.
He thinks I am being an unreasonable jerk.
So am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Why did you get married right now? What was pressing? You don’t seem enthused to be getting married. It sounds like you’re dealing with depression on top of your physical health concerns.
So why get married in a dress you do not like, in a surgical boot, 10 days after surgery? That’s the reason you didn’t want pics. Because you didn’t want to get married. ESH” Apprehensive_War9612
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your husband is right, photos are a completely normal part of any big life event and while I am empathetic to your struggles with your body to put a blanket rule of “no photos” down was perhaps unrealistic.
Now that being said, your MIL effectively trapped you into going to the studio for photos you didn’t want and your husband didn’t back you up. At the end of the day, the wedding is about you and your husband and if he was on the side with wanting photos, he should have discussed that with you *long* before it made it to this point.” coastalkid92
