People Should Be Warned About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Reporting My Friend's Negative Tumblr Posts About Our Workplace?
“I befriended this person, let’s call her Jane, back in college. When she lost her job, I recommended her to where I work and she got the job. I’m in management and since I knew her, she was assigned to a different team, and things were going well.
Then about a year ago she decided to move to the Midwest where she didn’t know anybody, and it didn’t take long to see my friend fall into a bit of a depressive state. She would express much of her anger and frustration on Tumblr, which I had followed since college, which I mostly ignored at first. Then she started posting a lot of “vent” posts where she would insult and complain about our company and certain coworkers.
While she never used names, it was pretty easy to tell who she was talking about. Then she started making many aggressive rude comments about management, including myself. I knew she was venting and while it hurt me and caused a lot of anxiety for me, I did my best to ignore it.
Meanwhile, my management team was dealing with a flood of anonymous negative feedback. For each piece of negative feedback we receive, it’s customary to hold a 30-60 minute trying to figure out how we can change and improve our workplace. With all of this negative feedback though, we were having to stay late a lot to try to figure out what was going on, especially since no one of our teams ever told us most of what was being said.
Then I saw on Tumblr that Jane was bragging about how she caused so many meetings with her feedback and wasted our time. It really upset me so I sent a screenshot to her team lead and let him decide what to do with it.
Recently he showed it to HR and they had a meeting with Jane about it but didn’t fire her. She knew I was the one who took the screenshot and now she is mad at me for reporting her, choosing work over our friendship, and ruining her “safe place” and is returning everything I’ve ever given her to basically cut me off.
I get that she’s going through a hard time and was mainly venting and I should have talked to her about it beforehand but I still think I was obligated to show my coworker who was causing us stress and having to work late, especially when Jane was proud of it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was including enough info that people were able to identify the company and she boasted that she had caused the company to receive complaints that prompted extra work. Also, she closed the door on you going to her directly when she made rude comments about you specifically.
You handled it in a professional way, alerting someone to the issue so that it could be addressed officially.” miyuki_m
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She purposely caused you many issues affecting your work/life balance, she bad-mouthed you and messed with your ability to go home on time.
She was proud of her actions and posted about it publicly online. She learned what we all learn, you are free to say what you want, but that doesn’t mean free of the consequences.” Senior-Term-635
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough situation because it’s clear you valued your friendship with Jane and tried to help her when she was struggling.
You went out of your way to recommend her for a job and even avoided confronting her venting for a while, likely out of concern for her well-being. That said, the situation grew more complicated when her venting began to directly affect your workplace, including your role as a manager and your team’s morale.
From an ethical perspective, it’s understandable why you felt obligated to report her posts. Publicly bragging about sabotaging workplace productivity crosses a line, especially when it creates a hostile or disruptive environment for others. Your decision wasn’t necessarily about choosing work over your friendship but rather about addressing a professional issue that could no longer be ignored. While HR’s decision not to fire her might suggest leniency, her actions had real consequences for you and your colleagues.
That said, it’s worth reflecting on whether there was a way to address this without escalating it directly to HR. Could you have reached out to Jane first, expressing concern about her posts and giving her a chance to course-correct? While it’s possible she still would have reacted negatively, this approach might have preserved the friendship or at least given her the opportunity to make amends on her own terms. Jane’s reaction—returning your gifts and cutting ties—likely stems from feeling betrayed. While her actions were inappropriate, it’s also clear she’s in a tough mental space.
If you still value the friendship, it might be worth reaching out once emotions have settled. You could acknowledge how hard this situation was for both of you while standing by the fact that her behavior wasn’t acceptable in a professional context. Ultimately, you’re not the jerk, but this is a learning moment about navigating boundaries between work and personal relationships.” User
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy Expensive Gifts For My Husband's Ungrateful Family?
“After a year or so of being in a relationship with my now-husband, I took over the gift-planning responsibilities for my husband’s family. Prior to this, my husband wouldn’t really give his family any gifts – it’s just not his thing. He would chip in if they did a group gift.
Little did I know, some of his family members expect LARGE gifts. Between his family and my family, the number of people and children add up (my husband and I don’t have children) – so what I often do is spend under $50, and get the kids either a thoughtful toy, or a few outfits – or for the adults, I will get them something small I think they would like, or a gift card.
Everyone is over 30, and while I love giving gifts, I think we are all at the age where it means more to receive a card or a phone call over an elaborate gift you could’ve purchased yourself.
A few things happened, that really made me step back and reconsider if I want to give presents to the adults of my husband’s family – and it also had me reevaluate what I do for the children as well.
– My sister-in-law made a comment to my mother-in-law last Christmas saying, “That’s it??” In reference to the presents, I got from her and her children.
– Often, I will get X person a gift, and then a few days before the birthday, my husband will get a call from his sister-in-law requesting $100+ for a group gift. He will often oblige, even after I explain to him I already have something for the person.
One Christmas, we all chipped in $200 each for a new iPhone for his sister-in-law.
– I had a really terrible birthday last year. It really meant a lot when my friends/family reached out throughout the day. However, my sister-in-law didn’t even send me a “happy birthday” text.
My sister-in-law’s birthday is coming up in a few days. Last night my husband asked what I had planned for her. I told him – “I was going to tell her happy birthday, but that’s all I have planned.” I really wanted to at least send her a card, but I didn’t think it would be appreciated.
My husband is upset with me, and angrily said he would just give his brother $100 toward the gift he bought.
I am starting to feel like a jerk here. I know I am being a bit salty. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if your husband has such specific expectations for HIS family’s gifts, HE can take responsibility for them and figure out how to fit them into the budget.
But before he gets his generosity on, maybe point out to him that he’s talking about giving $100 to someone who didn’t even wish you a happy birthday. Gifts should be gifts, without expectation of reciprocity, but your in-laws sound like greedy little gimme pigs at the trough of your bank account and you are not obligated to gift at all, much less generously, to people who treat you poorly.” in-a-sense-lost
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s his family. If he wants to get his sister a present why is he waiting until the last minute and why is he putting it on you? Especially since he often handles the present by sending money – why would you put in the money and effort if he’s likely to handle the gift by contributing $100?
It’s a pretty normal thing that a wife gets stuck doing things like remembering dates sending cards buying presents and making plans for her husband’s family. That doesn’t make it reasonable or fair.” 217liz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a bunch of entitled, spoiled people.
You don’t need to continue throwing money at your in-laws when they aren’t even a little bit appreciative and can’t be bothered to reciprocate even the tiniest bit by taking two whole seconds to wish you a happy birthday. Time for you to bow out as the gift planner and let your husband deal with his own ungrateful family.” prairiemountainzen
19. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Be More Involved In Our Finances?
“This has been ongoing since February and came to a head today. In general, we don’t fight. In all our time together, we have never had any kind of actual fight or argument. We have had five-minute disagreements and discussions, but never any kind of knock-down-drag-out fight.
In February, when my husband had his heart attack, it got me thinking about a lot of things. One of them was what would have happened if it had been me. I have always been the one who managed our bank accounts and bills. He has always been more passive, saying that since he manages the yard and pool, it equals out.
He keeps our marriage interesting that way. Anyway, after his open heart surgery, I really started asking him to be more active in knowing how things work with our money. One time I was able to get him to sit down with me and I showed him our online banking and bill pay screens and the hold spreadsheet I keep that has all our bills and monthly expenses.
He sat with me that one time and we paid all the bills together and I felt like okay, this is good. Any other time I try to get him to sit with me or maybe pay the bills for the month and his eyes gloss over and he goes and does something different.
This morning I asked him to sit down with me while I finished out last month’s budget spreadsheet and pay a few bills so he could see exactly where our money was going. He said it was okay, that he was actually getting ready to head over to his parents’ house.
I told him it wouldn’t take that long and that I really felt like he needed to know more and see what was going on. (No, nothing was wrong.) Once again it came back with him saying that he completely trusted me and that it wasn’t anything that he felt he needed to know about.
I tried one more time and then he blew up at me and asked why I was so obsessed with him knowing about our finances.
I threw it back to him, saying what would have happened if it had been me who had the heart attack and wasn’t able to do anything for a little bit.
Or what happens if I get a new job that requires me to be out of town at certain times? I asked him how he knew I’m not taking him to the cleaners.
He said that he just doesn’t think it’s that important for him to know, that I’m way healthier than him and it’s not in my nature to steal and that he trusts me completely.
He stormed off and I didn’t see him for the rest of the day. I just want him to have an idea of how our home operates. Is that so bad?
So, AITJ for wanting my husband to be more active in our finances?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m pretty torn about this. On one hand, I understand what you’re thinking, and wanting him to know what’s going on, that’s pretty reasonable. The part where I get stuck is when your husband is still recovering from a heart attack and you’re very focused on how that made you feel and all the what-ifs which is leading you to nag him seemingly pretty incessantly.
Is this the time? Like is right now the time to be harping on this to the point of an ongoing argument with someone still recovering from a heart attack? Edit: I have to go with YTJ. You’re focusing on the wrong things here and I’m disturbed that you’ve been pushing this literally within weeks of his heart attack and for 2 months.
Let him recover. This stress you’re adding isn’t good for him.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’ve both been through a very scary life-threatening experience and are reacting differently to it. It’s the first time you are both facing the issue of mortality.
Your fix is that you both need to be prepared for whatever might happen. Your husband wants to avoid any talk of the possibility of you becoming ill or having an accident. He’s probably very scared and wants to avoid all of it. You would both benefit from therapy to come to terms with the reality of what happened. I wish good health to both of you.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There is something really strange about a complete lack of interest in your mutual finances, however, this isn’t something you can force him to do without a fight apparently. If I had to guess I’d say he, and I don’t agree with this at all by the way, sees this as a division of labor, you trust him to do the yard; he trusts you to balance the books, each of you has your own little kingdom of responsibility to themselves.
To some people, that sort of boundary really matters and he could be feeling that you are violating a long-standing tradition. Or he just doesn’t want to do anything more than he has to; I don’t know what he’s like so I can’t really say, either way, you are correct that this is something he should know how to do in the event of some tragedy.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Adopting Only Three Of Our Four Foster Daughters?
“So my wife and I are raising four foster daughters aged 14 to 16. All of them have been with us from a young age.
Some time ago we had a family discussion about adopting and after giving it some thought they all said they would like us to adopt them. Of course, we were very happy and honored so we put the process in motion.
Now three of the four girls have either no biological family left or their remaining family agreed to the adoption, but in the case of our youngest daughter, the family refused. They were against her being placed into foster care in the first place yet none of them offered to take them in after her addicted mother abandoned her.
They have played a fairly marginal role in her life so far. However when they don’t agree the adoption can’t happen and we have to respect that.
The problem is my youngest daughter has developed abandonment issues after her mother abandoned her at two years old and she went through three foster families before arriving at us.
She has been in therapy for several years now and although it has gotten a lot better the fears are still present. After she heard she couldn’t be adopted she got very sad and anxious and talked about how if she was the only one not adopted she would be the only one who could still legally be removed from the family.
We have been telling her that after almost a decade of her being with u,s that chance is very small but she is still afraid about it.
Now, one of the reasons we wanted to at least propose adoption to our daughters – although the main one is of course that we love them to pieces – is that we would make clear to them that we are committed to being their parent their whole lives, not just till they are 18.
But while the other three girls are very happy and looking forward to it the whole affair seems to only have made the abandonment issues of the youngest worse and we feel bad about that. We have been telling her a lot that if her biological family ever changes their minds we will adopt her in a heartbeat and that it won’t change how we treat her or her sisters, but she is still very sad.
She isn’t sure she wants to come to the adoption ceremony because ‘I will cry for sure and I don’t want to ruin it for them’. We have offered to ceremonially adopt her at the same ceremony but she refused because ‘it isn’t the same’ (to be fair, it isn’t).
She has never explicitly said she doesn’t want us to go through with the adoption of the other three but we can see she is very sad about it and that it is feeding into her issues. On the other hand, we don’t want to disappoint our other daughters.
So, would we be the jerks for adopting only three of our daughters?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re all stuck in a tough place because your youngest cannot be adopted. It sounds like you are supporting her as much as possible through this- on top of being caring parents for all of them.
However, it wouldn’t be fair on your other daughters to not adopt them and give them the security that adoption provides. No jerks here (because I don’t think the kids are jerks). If you can do “adult adoption” maybe do that when the youngest is old enough.
Or have some other sort of ceremony?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think dropping the other adoptions is the right way to solve this. The idea is already there and some issues have already been poked at. I assume she currently has some kind of therapist?
You should probably discuss with a therapist what the best course of action would be. I’ve heard of foster parents getting their kids promise rings. ‘you might not be my daughter in name, but as long as you have this ring/necklace/whatever, I promise I will adopt you as soon as your biological family makes it possible.’ That sort of thing?
It might give her something physical to make it more real. I don’t know, that is my very unprofessional opinion, but you sound like you’re doing everything you can to make your children feel happy and loved and that is the important thing.” Lion_ebony___
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a sad lesson in how life is unfair and how some people go out of their way to make it even more painful. The important lesson for your daughter is that she is wanted and cherished by the family you’ve built.
Why not talk to the other three girls and ask them to put together a special part of their adoption process where they ‘adopt’ her as their sister? There’s no way to remove the sting of being prevented from being legally adopted but you can underline the truth that it is other people who are the impediment to the process.
Start planning with her for the day that she can also be adopted, even if that is not until she is 18. Making concrete plans is often really helpful with adolescents who are struggling. Give her the tools to start designing her own future and developing contingency plans for when things go wrong.
Explore your legal options, because in many places a child may petition the court to override the protests of family members in regard to something like this. There is nearly always a way to get what you want in a situation like this, where the protesting family does not have custodial rights and has not materially contributed. Wishing the best for you and your family.” Mirianda666
17. AITJ For Telling My Stepsister She Can't Use Her Mom's Death As An Excuse For Bad Behavior?
“So I (F18) live with my brother (M19), my mom, her husband, and his daughter (f18). My step-sister’s mom passed away during childbirth. From what I’ve been told, she never had a mother figure in her life. I felt for her, I really did.
But around 16, it got really old when she got away with stuff because she used the death of her mom as an excuse. My mom remarried when I was 13 btw.
It turned from small things she got away with to larger things. For instance, when we were 14, she completely trashed my room after she lost in a game of Uno. Everything in my room from posters to my bed sheets was ruined. Her dad gave me $10 and said I shouldn’t take it to heart because she was upset about not having a mother figure.
Another one, my brother got his first car at 17 and she wanted him to take her to see friends, go shopping, and just treat him like a personal Uber. He said no so she scratched it up with something and it was ruined. Again, my mom and her dad said “She’s just not in the right mindset because she misses her mom”.
Today, my brother and I were going to see my dad for his birthday. We made a cake for him and got him a custom blanket with a picture of his dog who passed a few weeks ago. As we’re getting ready to go, my step-sister complained to her dad about us getting to “leave out” but she’s not allowed to see her friends.
We told her we were only going to see my dad and coming back and it was just the three of us, not a large group of friends. She got mad and stormed off and we didn’t think much of it. It was stupid of me but I left the blanket downstairs not thinking much about it and when I went back down, it had bleach on it and the cake was sort of smashed by a ketchup bottle in the fridge.
I already knew it was her and asked what was wrong with her. Both my brother and I were upset and it just turned into a screaming match. My mom came down to see what was happening and she started fake crying and said “It hurts seeing them get to visit their dad but I can’t visit my mom, I miss her so much it’s not fair”.
Surprisingly enough my mom got upset with her but her dad came in and told us it wasn’t a big deal and we could just get a new one he continued with ‘She just misses her mom a lot, cut her some slack’
I finally lost it and told her she couldn’t keep using the death of her mom because it was not a valid excuse.
I kinda got into detail how she was just being a jerk and I was not letting this slide. She stormed off crying (as usual) and her dad wanted me to apologize because “I’d never understand the pain of losing a parent”. I said I wasn’t apologizing and my brother stood by my side.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not having her mother around doesn’t excuse your stepsister for being a jerk. That just sounds like poor parenting on her father’s part for letting this go on for 18 years. She’s in for a big surprise when she moves out and realizes that no one is gonna have any sympathy for her BS sob stories.” kkpls
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would honestly bring up the fact that enabling her behavior is doing her a massive disservice. How is she going to cope in the real world? Her future coworkers and bosses aren’t going to care about her mother being dead, poor excuses and temper tantrums won’t be tolerated. Future partners won’t put up with being mistreated. And watch what could happen if she has her own kids; I never had a mother, so it’s not my fault I’m a crappy parent.
Bull. Stuff.” cynical-mage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepsister knows her father is going to back her up no matter what as long as she keeps crying after her deceased mother. He is doing a massive disservice to his daughter, and also to the rest of your family.
And giving you 10 bucks to cover the damage his daughter did to your room and telling you to drop it? Not. Good. Enough. It is awful that she never got to know her mum, and I do feel for her. But she is a grown woman acting violently and being manipulative while excusing her behavior with her mother’s passing.
She needs to be held responsible for her destructive actions. You and your brother should have a discussion with your mother. Your stepsis is bouncing the family around as she pleases and her father enables it. Your mother and stepdad have a responsibility to make sure you and your brother get to live in a safe, non-destructive environment.
I would not be surprised if you and your brother would eventually go NC with your stepsis and stepdad, possibly also with your mother depending on her response to the situation.” ElViirafights
16. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister And Her Family After They Disrespected My Home?
“During a difficult time, my brother-in-law lost his job and, because they could no longer afford rent, my sister, her husband, and their three kids (aged five to a newborn) moved in with me.
I (22M) live in a small flat, but since I work nights and sleep most of the day, it’s sorta like they live in the flat and I’m just some random guy.
I understand that kids are very hard to take care of, but I expected my sister to at least try and keep the flat clean.
That would be a hard ‘no’, since every time I come home, there are dirty dishes all over the place and toys on the floor and it just smells….awful. I don’t know what it is, and neither does my sister, evidently, but it’s terrible.
The eldest colored all over the wall and spilled juice all over my rug. She also broke several fragile glass figurines that I inherited from my mother, who has passed away. My sister (we don’t share the same mother) disregarded all of these things, and when I got upset, just told me to get over it because her kid didn’t mean it.
I’ve had to get rid of a chair because the second eldest vomited all over it and nothing could save it. The youngest cried a lot, and it understandably irritated my neighbors, who never said anything to the landlady but did come over multiple times to complain.
I have sat my sister down and explained my frustrations to her multiple times, but she just doesn’t care! I have tried to explain everything to my brother-in-law, but he’s rarely home, despite not having a job yet, even though it’s been months.
The kids were up at the same time that I was asleep, and they constantly ran in and out of my room, screaming their little heads off.
I love them, really, but I couldn’t deal with that, especially since you have to be alert and present in my line of work (security guard).
The final straw for me was that somebody, more than likely the eldest child, let loose my leopard geckos.
It took hours, and although I finally managed to find all of them, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and I told my sister that she had to leave and that I couldn’t take it anymore.
It’s been a week since then.
I have gotten no word from my sister, but the rest of our family has been calling non-stop, demanding to know how I could just kick my niece and nephews onto the street.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ! NTJ! NTJ! What kind of sister/person does that?
I cannot wrap my head around the sense of entitlement your sister and her family have. They did not respect you, your home, and your belongings, while you were helping them. Honestly, I would have thrown them out earlier. For the ones calling you, say that they can take them in.
Let’s see how they are managing it” LuLivia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve put up with more than I would! They’ve trashed your house, broken things with sentimental value and let loose your pets. If they were adults I’d be suggesting you call the police!
But your sister needs to step up as a mum. What sort of mum lets their children wreck a property that isn’t even theirs? If my brother and I ever did that when we were visitors at someone’s house then we would have heard all about it.
They’re going to end up as jerks when they grow up if their mum can’t sort out some boundaries. In that sense, I kinda feel sorry for them. What chance do they have if their mum won’t step up and be a parent?” naynay2908
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The adults overused your hospitality and were flippant about it. They should have been grateful for a place to stay, but instead they acted undeservedly entitled. You didn’t “kick your nieces/nephews onto the street” – you removed destructive tenants. It was on the adults to act appropriately – in failing to do so, they are responsible for the outcome.” MrShaunce
15. AITJ For Denying My MIL A Picture Of My Baby?
“My partner (37M) and I (33F) just had a beautiful little girl 2 months ago. We are very much in love and would do anything for our LO. As a little bit of background info, my MIL and I DO NOT get along (and to be honest, no one in the family really gets along with her).
For this post just know that she does not respect boundaries or other people’s wishes. She also likes to play the victim.
MIL didn’t really have much contact with us throughout my pregnancy but we did make a trip to visit so we could lay out some rules.
Nothing too crazy. No unannounced visits. She needed to get a booster. And no social media posts. This last one is a bit contentious as it only applies to her. Unfortunately, she friends or follows anyone and I’m not too keen on these people having access to photos of my child.
Well, our little one came and it has been a whirlwind of learning how to be parents and just marveling at how amazing this little girl is. A couple of weeks ago, we made the 4-hour trek down to see a bunch of families that had not met LO yet.
This included MIL. She was ok during the few times we saw her and did not ask to hold LO (she didn’t get the booster). She did ask if she could have a photo. The problem was that LO was screaming both times she asked. I told her no, not while she was screaming.
She pouted and my partner, after the second request, reminded me that I had printed out some photos. I handed over my cranky little baby to her dad and started for the car to grab one. Realizing I didn’t have the keys, I turned around and when I got back to my partner, MIL had her phone out and was trying to sneakily take a photo of my very upset girl.
I call her action out and we go back and forth for a few seconds. She pulled out the “I’m the grandma” victim card so I collected my child and left. Before this, I was not opposed to her having a photo of my child.
Now I feel that trust has been violated.
I decided that at this time I was not comfortable with her having a photo of my child. She tried to take a photo without our consent and I know that it would’ve ended up on social media.
My partner thinks I’m being the jerk since this is the only grandchild she is being allowed to meet (she has others who don’t know her). So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And make your mama’s boy husband read all the comments here.
You went out of your way to include somebody who other people won’t and your reward was her going right behind your back. And if she won’t even get a booster, I don’t know what to tell you. As somebody else suggested, you can feel free to send her a picture, but you’re definitely under zero obligation to do so.
PS> Tell your coward Millennial husband that he needs to learn to stick up for the mother of his child. He’s a bigger jerk than the mother.” Samhain34
Another User Comments:
“NTJ there are disturbing people online. You have a right to know people who post pictures of your kids are responsible.
I never share pictures of kids on my page without parental permission. You set boundaries and then she violated them so she loses privileges. You are the parent. Not her.” fantasticfugicude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And it seems like there are grandchildren she can’t meet.
Why? Is it her behavior? Seriously the way I measure people’s behavior to get away from the “but it’s family” reasoning is to think how I would react if a stranger did this to me. If I wouldn’t tolerate it then I’m certainly not going to accept mistreatement or disrespect just because someone shares some DNA with me.
Your husband sounds like he may be operating out of a little guilt because of his mother’s “role” rather than what’s best for his child. At least he backs you up” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Of My Family's Property To Pursue My Own Life?
“I (19F) live on a shared family property in the northern US. My immediate family hasn’t lived here my whole life but has for the last few years, and my grandparents and one of my uncles and his partner live in houses on it as well.
The living situation is not horrible, they don’t make me pay rent because I’m in college and I dislike change in general, so I hadn’t planned on leaving before I graduate until lately. However, recently my father retired from his civilian military job, and now that he’s home all the time, things have changed a lot.
He wants to be working on something at all times & wants us (my younger siblings and I) to be working with him. This means he wants us to be up, dressed and fed with a packed lunch, and ready to work by 8:30 AM, and then expects us to work with him until dinner around 6.
He only pays us sporadically, sometimes not at all, never more than $5/hr, & he doesn’t allow us to go out and get actual jobs because he says we have a responsibility to be on the land helping him. When I told him I needed to make more money for school, he said I didn’t because I was on a scholarship.
I do have a really good scholarship, but that doesn’t mean I want to have absolutely nothing in my pockets after I graduate- then I really *might* have to live at home forever.
I brought it up again last week, & he blew up at me & told me that I lived there rent-free, that they never made me pay for food or internet access or water and that if I wanted to remain in the house I would work as he needed me to.
It made me start thinking it might be better to just move out, but when I mentioned that a few days ago to my mom, she burst into tears and told my dad I wanted to leave them and I got in enormous trouble for upsetting my mom.
My extended family both on & off the property have made it known to me that I was in the wrong for bringing it up because mommas never want to lose their babies and I should have been gentler (all I said was “I’ve been thinking of looking for apartments in town”), my grandparents were also really upset to hear I was thinking of moving out, and my siblings actually got mad at me for thinking of abandoning them to work without me.
I’ve realized that I don’t think my older family members ever expected me or my siblings to leave because we have this big property and so much of our family lives on it already. But I don’t think I can finish school like this and I didn’t want to stay here after graduation anyway!
I know that moving out eventually is somewhat expected and I’m not a jerk for *wanting* to leave, but WIBTJ if I expedited my escape from this house, “abandoned” my siblings, and broke my family’s heart? I’m just tired of feeling like a hired farmhand just because my dad never learned how to relax (at least if I was a farmhand I would get paid).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your father is ridiculous. When are you supposed to study? Personally, I would say no and refuse to budge out of the house but I understand that situation could escalate quickly with someone as unreasonable as Dad. If your extended family really wants you to stay, then you move in with aunts, uncles, or grandparents Without working for a dad.
Otherwise, leave.” verycrazycatlady6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your father created a family cult because retirement bores him? This is as weird as you think it is. Set up a meeting with a college counselor and see if there is a grant or scholarship for housing.
You have every right as an adult to move out.” concretism
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, get out and live your life, your family is trying to emotionally manipulate you into staying, also, your dad clearly doesn’t understand he’s not in the military anymore, he’s just ordering everyone around like you’re his underlings instead of being his children… I would have a serious talk with your siblings to tell them if they’re so unhappy working for your father they should stop (remember, they’re upset because they’ll have to work more once you’re gone), explain to them that your dad will be mad of course, but they’re their own people, and shouldn’t feel obligated to be his slaves, and spent all of their time with your dad projects just because he feels like it.
Finally (and optional), I would also talk to your father about his attitude, he basically expects everyone around him to treat him as an authority figure, and if they refuse, he gets mad about how you’re not obeying him and how you’re being “disrespectful” (total lie by the way, not obeying his every whim and saying no, isn’t being disrespectful), again, he’s not in the military and neither is your family, he needs to start acting like a father.” chickenmeh
13. AITJ For Using Peanut Butter In My Own Home Despite My Roommate's Guest's Severe Allergy?
“So, my roommate invited over one of their friends today. He didn’t mention anything to me or my other roommate about it, and so when I walked out of my room and saw this random girl I was just kind of like “Uhm, who are you?” Because my roommate was not in the room.
She goes “Oh, I’m here with my roommate” to which I was just like “Oh, okay, whatever” It was a little annoying that he didn’t give us a heads up that someone was coming, but it was not like it changed much so I just let it go.
Anyways, I go out into my kitchen and get some chips, and pull out the peanut butter and the jelly, you know all the fixings for a primo PB&J.
I start with my peanut butter side, and I get all the way done and go to put the peanut butter away.
Well, the friend sees it in my hand and comes into the kitchen and goes “Oh my god, are you about to use peanut butter?” And I said, “No, I already used it, that’s why I put it away”. She goes “Well, you can’t” and I’m like “Can’t what?” And she goes “Use peanut butter.
You need to throw away whatever you just started” and I was like “Uhm, no? I’m making a sandwich” and she says “I’m super allergic, you can’t use peanut butter while I’m here” and I said “well if you don’t try and eat my sandwich, I think you’ll be fine” and she goes “even the particles in the air can hurt me” so I told her “well, if that’s the case since I already used the peanut butter, therefore the particles are already in the air, it would probably be better if you just left to keep it safe.
Or, you could leave the room, I can eat it in here and then clean the counters” and she told me that she wasn’t leaving and that cleaning wasn’t going to be sufficient.
At this point, my roommate comes out of the bathroom and the girl starts telling him what happened. She told him pretty much exactly what I would have said, so she didn’t really exaggerate it.
But he told me that I was being insensitive and that if I had a life-threatening illness they would accommodate me I said “Well, I live here, so I would hope that a guest in my house would accommodate me” and the girl stormed off to my friends room.
I explained what happened to my other roommate and he thinks that the friend was being ridiculous, but roommate one told me later tonight that I pretty much ruined his relationship with this girl because she was already weary that he was living with another girl, and then my difficult attitude made her not trust me completely.
I think that’s really not my problem, and that I tried to give an appropriate solution and she tried to prevent me from doing a normal thing during my day, and my roommate could have at least given us a heads up before she came and that she had a special requirement for being here, and that if he had I would have accommodated her, but that I was not about to throw away a half made sandwich.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ABSOLUTELY NTJ. It’s crazy entitled to be a stranger in another person’s home and demand something like that. Like you said, if her allergy was that severe, nothing would have helped since the damage was already done, so to speak. If it really is that severe, your roommate should have given you advance notice.” gunnyhunty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s her responsibility to get away from an allergen. You did nothing wrong by trying to eat in your apartment and trying to accommodate her as best as you could. She is free to leave and go home. If she really felt like she was going to die from particles in the air, she would have left instead of sticking around to whine after you’d already used it.” JMUDan
12. AITJ For Not Attending My Ex-Husband's Family Funeral And Continuing My Planned Vacation?
“My [41F] ex-husband [42M] had an affair with a much younger woman [23F] who had a young child [5F] at the time. I divorced him and he got together officially with her.
We also have 4 children together [20 M&F], 19F and 18M. Unfortunately, my ex-husband’s stepson passed away a few days ago after a struggle with some kind of illness. Maybe due to the stress of it all, his partner was rushed to hospital and delivered a stillborn, I still don’t know the entire details of what happened.
I feel bad for my ex-husband but I want nothing to do with him. I had planned this trip forever and partially to distract myself from empty nest syndrome since my son has recently moved out. I have not spoken to my ex-husband since the divorce and I don’t want to hear anything about him or have anything to do with him, especially since now my children are grown.
I only found out about this through the grapevine but I have not reached out to him. My ex-husband however reached out to me to invite me to the tragic double funeral.
I feel this is highly inappropriate. There is absolutely no way that his woman would want me there.
Who on earth would want the ex-wife of the marriage you wrecked standing beside her 4 grown children while you buried two of your own? If I were in her shoes I would turn violent if she saw me. I’d be the last person on earth she’d want to see.
And also, as callous as it sounds, I stopped caring about the man the moment he was unfaithful to me. I never want to stay friends, I never reached out to him when he lost his grandfather and I don’t want to be there for him now.
If he doesn’t have any other support networks, I’m not going to get sucked into what is going to become drama from his family and hers in case people think I want him back or I’m taking advantage of him while I’m vulnerable.
So I told him I wasn’t going to come to respect his partner and her grief and he was trying to tell me she wanted me to come but I am not stupid enough to believe that.
He also got upset because none of our kids went to the funeral. I never told them not to but they live in different parts of the country now and either couldn’t come or didn’t try very hard to go. I did try to tell them they should go since it’s their step and half siblings but they felt uncomfortable going there.
So I went on my trip as planned. Somehow the photos of my trip on my social media have made it into his hands even though I have him and his family and friends blocked. He has now been blowing up my phone until I blocked him about how unfeeling and cruel I am to go on a holiday and that I poisoned our kids against him which is why they didn’t come to the funeral. I understand that he is grieving which is why I have blocked him but AITJ of not forcing my children to go to the funeral and for continuing on with my holiday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once your marriage ended, your obligation to your ex-husband also ended. Your children are adults and completely capable of deciding for themselves whether or not to attend the funeral. He’s allowed to grieve but he isn’t allowed to take his grief out on you and your children.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your children are all adults. They can make their own decisions as to what funerals they will attend. I think it was super inappropriate of him to invite you after using this woman to blow up your marriage. If he hasn’t maintained enough of a relationship with his original children that they feel compelled to come to support him during this time of mourning, and you haven’t actually poisoned the well there, that’s on him.” nopecakes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ all the way. your kids are autonomous beings in themselves and are fully capable of making decisions so this placing the onus on you to both “be there” and to force your kids to be there despite the fact you have made strides to distance yourself from his life is jerk behavior.
there is a line between grieving and being a jerk and he crossed it.” JJSec
11. AITJ For Giving A Red Card To A Disrespectful Youth Soccer Player?
“I volunteer referee for a youth football(soccer) league, and usually it’s a pretty fun experience. However, there is this one kid Jake who is always giving the other kids, the coaches, and the refs a hard time.
He’s one of the best players in the league (the star striker), but he often throws temper tantrums when things don’t go his way. It also doesn’t help that his parents are your stereotypical overbearing soccer parents; they would shout all game, lose their temper whenever he gets fouled, and scream at the refs about decisions.
Most of the refs seem scared of the parents, and because of that Jake gets away with so much, almost never getting called out for pushing, tripping, or otherwise fouling his opponents. I admit that I have been part of the problem too, I was intimidated by his parents and therefore didn’t give Jake a punishment even when it was deserved (he made a bad tackle on his opponent which normally should’ve been given a yellow card, but I just backed it down to just a free kick for the opponent’s team).
So there has been a tournament going on in our youth league, and Jake’s team has progressed to the semi-finals, and I was supposed to be the referee for this game. The game was going well for the most part, but at one point, it seemed like an opponent fouled Jake, and Jake fell down – from my perspective, the opponent never made contact with Jake, and Jake fell down to “feign” injury, so I signaled “play on”.
Jake’s parents lost their temper from the stands and started calling me every name under the sun, saying I should never referee another game again. At the next stoppage in play, Jake then came up to me and said “I was clearly fouled, are you blind or just dumb?” Usually, I would just give a verbal warning if a kid badmouths me, but between his past history, his parents screaming at me, and that statement, I had enough and showed him the red card (which means he’s expelled from the game, and the team has to play the remainder of the game with one less player).
Jake’s team ending losing the game and getting knocked out of the tournament. Everyone – his teammates, Jake, and especially his parents – were furious with me and told me that I was the worst referee in the world and should never officiate another match.
However, the other referees were on my side, they said that albeit that was a bit harsh, I wasn’t in the wrong for showing the red card.
So guys, am I the jerk? I’ll be honest if it was any other kid who said that to me, I would’ve just given him a warning, or at most a yellow card.”
Another User Comments:
“As a former soccer ref, everyone’s a jerk. Jake and his parents are definitely jerks for everything, but this is also on all the refs for not enforcing this during the season. You can’t suddenly change the standards, especially in a tournament game.
Additionally, he should’ve gotten a yellow card first. While there is the stipulation that abusive language gets a straight red, I’d place that statement squarely in unsportsmanlike conduct. You also mention his season-long behavior as part of your verdict. That shouldn’t be a factor in the individual game.
You should only make judgments based on what happens on the field that day.” bnamen732
Another User Comments:
“Take it you’re UK. I’m a football mom so I know where you’re at. Some so many bad kids are just jerks and bullies and allowed to get away with it.
Good for you! Without you, we can’t play and without stopping this behavior our kids are at risk. Log a complaint about the parent’s behavior with the league – it needs to stop RESPECT and all that NTJ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“LMAO. WOW, youth sports have come a long way since I was a kid.
I can’t imagine a kid saying that to a ref and being allowed to finish the season lmao. they would just drop you from the league for unsportsmanlike conduct. harassing the refs was like the biggest no-no in all of youth sports. I don’t mean like “What’s that call” I mean calling them dumb to their faces.
like what? how did he think that would go exactly? that you’d be intimidated by all 4 feet of him?” SetPhasers2LoveMe
10. AITJ For Refusing To Record For My Friend's Band Without Pay?
“This friend of mine is in a band of sorts, but doesn’t have a bassist, and so when they need one, they’ll usually get someone in as a session player. For this the band shell out a fair sum of money.
Now a few months ago, a friend of mine mentioned to me that they were recording again and asked me if I were interested in recording the bass if they needed someone. I said that it sounded like a great idea and so we left it at that.
At this stage, he did mention to me that he’d cover the studio fee for me and that he’d pay me whatever my rate was for the work.
Two weeks ago, he emailed me telling me that he’d written this song, which needed a bassist because it was a slap-bass line and he wanted a real bass sound and not a computer playing it.
I agreed to do a rough draft recording for him for nothing, as he’s a good friend and I thought that with even a really rough recording he would at least be able to get a demo version done and find someone to play it in the studio for the proper version.
So I recorded it for him on my own time, sent it to him and thought nothing more about it.
Last week he contacted me to tell me they were hitting the studio with the song and asked me if I was interested in doing the session with them playing bass again, this time for real. We discussed the details and I could make the studio date and time and so on.
Then I asked him about the money we’d talked about before, and this is when things took a turn. He told me that he’d agreed to pay my studio fee, but that he was hoping that I’d do it for them pretty much ‘as a friend’ (his words, not mine, meaning he wanted a freebie) because I’d done the draft recording for nothing.
I told him that if he wasn’t willing to pay me as promised, then not only was I not doing the studio session, but I wasn’t willing to let him use my draft recording either.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, you aren’t. Whilst some people are willing to play music for free in these contexts, you made it very clear from the start that you expected to be paid in a similar fashion to previous session bassists.
The fact that your friend reneged on that deal and then tried to emotionally blackmail you by stating that you should do it for free because you’re his friend makes him the jerk. I get that he might be tight on money so he’s looking for a freebie, but this is not the fair way to do it.” a_hirst
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re not allowing him to use the rough recording that you previously had agreed to do for free is what pushes you into jerk territory here. If you hadn’t reneged on that, I’d say you weren’t being a jerk, but after that, yeah you are.
I’m not saying he wasn’t being a jerk, too, but two jerks don’t make a nice. **Never mind, I misunderstood – OP is NTJ**” Kath__
9. AITJ For Calling The Cops On Kids Using The Vacant House Next Door To Smoke?
“The house next door is vacant. Two weeks ago, I came home and three young males, high school age, came out of the gate on the fence between my home and that house.
As they walk away I shout at them that I’m calling the cops if I see them again doing that. They get into a new Camaro that’s parked at the end of the street and drive off. I didn’t get the plate number. I figure they’re in there smoking something or other.
Didn’t look thuggish. I call security. Just to let them know what happened. They show up with the cops in tow. They go into the house, find all the sliding doors and windows open and close them.
This afternoon I saw an SUV parked at the same spot.
I get suspicious. I peek over the fence and yep, there’s a window and a sliding door open. Security says to call the cops this time. I come out to wait for the cops and there’s the black Camaro with 2 young males in it, just idling by the curb one house down from the vacant one.
They drive off. 3 cruisers show up. I explain it’s not THAT big a deal, I just want a report filed. The report gets written up. I get a copy.
AITJ for making a fuss about some kids going into the house next door to smoke some stuff?
They didn’t look like thugs. Just some kids from the neighborhood. Cops said it reeked the last time when they went in. Just some kids hiding out to smoke some stuff.
But. This is Miami. We live next to the wall inside a gated community and there’s nothing on the other side of the wall but an empty lot.
We got broken into two years ago. A dude was murdered walking to work one morning less than a mile from our backyard. A couple was killed for their car a half mile down the street from that. You get the picture.
The guy across has seen them numerous times going in there and never called security or the cops.
This is what’s making me doubt myself. Maybe he sees them, figures it pretty harmless, and doesn’t bother. Cops show up on these kids and they could get arrested, and mess up their lives, and for what? For hiding out to smoke some stuff?
But the house is not theirs.
It’s vacant. It’s private property. Now the windows are open. Anyone can go in there. I’m looking at the window every little knock I hear now.
I actually want to be the overreacting jerk because that would mean I don’t have anything to be so worried about.”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, honestly, there are better places they could be smoking than a vacant house. I don’t know if I would have called the cops, but I don’t blame you for it. If I were your neighbor, I’d have reacted the same way as him (by not doing anything), but I probably would have been a little relieved that you did do something about it.
Would make me feel safer.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Resenting My Cousin's Easy Job Acquisition?
“I’ve always been considered the most academic of the family and so things like good grades and school performance reports weren’t a negotiation, I was expected to work hard and get them.
Even when I did, I was rarely given praise for it, other than a short ‘well done’ or ‘good’. Basically, I was expected to be a ‘good little girl’ and just do what I was told.
Then there’s my cousin. He basically never tried at school and left at 16 with close to nothing to show for it.
He was also, and still is to some extent, allowed to do as he pleased. He just seemed content to sit on his bum, collect his unemployment funds and just generally laze his life away. Any attempt to speak with him about going to college and getting some qualifications (I wasn’t the one speaking to him to clarify.) or about applying for work was met with ‘dunno’ or ‘I’m looking at a course’ or ‘I’m speaking to a mate’ or some other lazy excuse.
So skip forward to two weeks ago and a family member mentions that she’s heard from someone she knows that there is this job going which my cousin should be ‘perfect’ to do. Stuff happens, calls get made and Abracadabra, my cousin gets the job, no effort is required on his part.
Now part of the problem I have with the whole thing is that the same help wasn’t exactly forthcoming when it came to my own job searching, and if anything I was made to feel quite a horrible failure of a human being by my family for it.
There were times when things devolved into screaming matches (not instigated by myself for the most part) because of it.
Rather it was the situation that it was down to my effort, despite my family, to find jobs, to post CVs to companies, to secure interviews and then to finally secure the job I now have.
All of it was because I put in real effort and actually did something.
Another part of me also feels resentment because I know that my cousin isn’t the person my family thinks he is. They think he’s this wonderful innocent kid, and that he’s somehow on a pedestal because he’ll do a few odd jobs for them now and again.
Yet I’ve seen the other side of him for myself and I know he’s just playing the goodie-two-shoes act so he’ll get the praise (and funds/favors) from them.
So, am I being a jerk or not here?”
Another User Comments:
“From what you have described, you are not the jerk.
You would become a jerk if you did something about your resentment, whether actively or passive-aggressively. Personally, I wouldn’t worry about him. His existence, his behavior, and how your family treats him don’t matter to you. With a bit of luck, he sorts his stuff out and makes something of the job.
If your family has failed to support and encourage you, that might be something to get angry with them about, but I’d just ignore your cousin.” onsos
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are a jerk, you’re just frustrated with how your cousin was raised compared to how you were.
There is nothing that can be done so having extreme feelings about it will get you nothing other than you feeling bad, it’s not worth it. Learn to move on and worry about your own life and not what others are doing, you’ll be happier for it.
While I’m sure you know that life isn’t fair, this just might be the closest example of this you have found. If he really is lazy, then I doubt he’ll have this job for very long. ” nsgiad
Another User Comments:
“Certainly not! While I agree that the treatment your cousin seems to be getting is unfair, it’s not worth ruining relationships for.
You should be proud of your achievements, and just know that at the end of the day, you’re the one doing well and you’ve truly earned it. From the sounds of it it’s not worth expecting any more from your family as it’s only causing rifts.
If you can get by without the help your cousin is getting, then you’re the winner.” Alligatronica
7. AITJ For Almost Causing An Accident And Being Followed To The Grocery Store?
“So, I live in a college neighborhood. I was just leaving my apartment to go to the grocery store, and I got to a “T” on the road.
The other car, a pretty new-looking silver Audi, is driving down the straight part. I’ll admit I wasn’t 100% attentive at this moment, but I also think the Audi was going a bit too fast for being in a parking lot. There was no stop sign where I was, it was a situation where I was supposed to yield.
I judged that the car was far enough away that I had time to make the turn, so I did. The Audi got really close to my car while I turned and had to stop. I knew I messed up–I was pretty embarrassed so I didn’t look to see the driver’s face, but I could tell out of the corner of my eye that he wasn’t happy.
I thought “Oh well, at least it’s over. What’s the worst that could happen, he follows me?” (Which I never thought would actually happen. When this happened, he was driving in the opposite direction from where I was headed. Which means he actually made an effort to stop and turn around.)
Fast forward about five minutes. I parked at the grocery store. I was grabbing my stuff to get out of the car, and I heard a knock on the window. I was about to get out anyway, so I opened the door. It was someone I didn’t recognize.
He starts to say, “Next time, learn how to drive!”
I immediately realized who it was, and I said, “You followed me here…?!”
“Yeah, you almost did some serious damage to my car. I live at–I actually work at [apartment complex], and I just don’t wanna see people around there driving like that.”
“I’m really sorry…what do you want me to say? Nothing happened. I’ll admit I wasn’t paying full attention. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
At this point, I was really freaked out. I figured if this guy followed me, he was at least a little crazy…but after that, he pretty much accepted my apology and went on his way.
I feel like I should mention that while he got out of his car to talk to me, he left his car parked in the middle of the parking lot. The incident had me pretty shaken up for the rest of the day. I have generalized anxiety disorder, and it’s people like this who are the reason why I don’t like to leave my apartment often.
I told my roomies about it later, and we wondered, how far would he have followed me. What if I was driving to the other side of town? This happened a couple of days ago, and I’ve been terrified of running into him again ever since.
In my opinion, if you’re so worried about your fancy car being damaged, don’t bring it to a college neighborhood full of inexperienced drivers.”
Another User Comments:
“While you should pay more attention in the future, you were not the jerk here. He didn’t need to follow you like that or berate you.
So yeah, you’re not a jerk, you just almost made a mistake. He, however, was the jerk here for the way he followed you.” cleverpseudoname
Another User Comments:
“What upsets us in road rage is the lack of human contact and empathy. A giant piece of metal tried to cut you off on a freeway, not a person who had a momentary lapse with no ill will.
When you almost bump into someone walking down the street, you both tip your hats, say sorry, and carry on. Make sure to tip your hat next time. I am almost certain he was as surprised as you were that the other wasn’t a roving lunatic when the actual human contact began.
There is a lot more confusion when you don’t ‘tip your hat’ in a car.” NrwhlBcnSmrt-ttck
Another User Comments:
“What you experienced sounds incredibly unsettling, and it’s understandable that the encounter has left you feeling shaken. Even though you admitted you made a small driving mistake, the other driver’s reaction was disproportionate and intimidating.
Following someone after a minor traffic incident—especially to the point of confronting them in a parking lot—is not only unnecessary but crosses a line into threatening behavior. Your immediate reaction was both honest and reasonable. You apologized, acknowledged your error, and expressed remorse.
At that point, there was no reason for him to escalate the situation further. His decision to follow you speaks more to his temperament than anything you did. It’s concerning that he left his car in the middle of the parking lot just to confront you—it suggests he acted impulsively, with little regard for how his actions might affect you.
People often forget that not all confrontations are equal. For someone with generalized anxiety disorder, as you mentioned, an interaction like this can feel much more distressing than the other person might realize. It’s understandable that the incident has made you feel wary about running into him again.
While his behavior seems to have stopped short of true aggression, it’s fair to feel uncomfortable and cautious. Moving forward, it might help to remind yourself that this was likely a one-off interaction. The odds of running into him again, especially under similar circumstances, are slim.
If you do see him, it’s unlikely he’d escalate further since your previous apology seemed to satisfy him. That said, your safety and peace of mind are paramount. If something similar happens in the future, you could prioritize driving to a public place or contacting someone for support.
People should not use intimidation as a way to make their point, regardless of how fancy their car is.” User
6. AITJ For Having Feelings And Sleeping With My Friend Who Has A Partner?
“Met this guy at a social gathering and became close friends with him quickly. We talk every day and hang out on average 2-3 times a week. We started hugging more often, then cuddling during movies/TV at my place, and one night after one too many beers we started making out.
He ends up sleeping in my bed and the next morning I discuss it with him.
We both decided it would be best if it didn’t happen again, that neither of us regretted the action, and that we shouldn’t tell his partner about it. That we should try to go back to how things were.
That works for a little while until one evening we end up sleeping together again. This time we talk a little more in-depth about it, I tell him I like him a lot and he tells me that he thinks I’m cute and funny but that he’s confused about his feelings toward me and that he’s not the best at figuring his feelings out.
He did say he knows that he’s not ready to give up on his relationship yet and that it wouldn’t be fair to me or him if I waited around for him.
Despite being hurt by his words, he was very gentle about it and stressed that he would hate it if this ruined our friendship.
So now we’re back to being friends, we still talk pretty frequently and hang out every week. Basically, everything is nearly identical to how things were prior. The only issue is that I still have these feelings and I’m trying to get over them. I don’t want to change anything between us because I think that would hurt too much.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’re all jerks. It doesn’t really matter if his partner is a jerk too, though; that’s no excuse for helping him be unfaithful, not even counting the fact that you’re only hearing one side of the story. He would probably be a jerk to you if you guys ended up together.
What kind of person justifies being unfaithful based on their partner’s mental problems and unconfirmed infidelity? If you want advice, just get out of there, cause it could get way messier.” evemarching
Another User Comments:
“I won’t say anyone’s the jerk except your friend’s partner.
Dissociative identity disorder is very rare and is often used as an excuse for bad behavior. I think you’re just kinda confused and maybe lonely. Really, having a relationship with someone who was unfaithful to their SO is never a good idea. If he was unfaithful to his partner, then he’ll most likely be unfaithful to you, or you will always be thinking he is.” Diarygirl
Another User Comments:
“This is a deeply emotional and complex situation, and I can sense how much you value your friendship with this person. It’s clear you’ve built a meaningful bond, which makes the situation even more challenging. Navigating feelings for someone who’s not emotionally available is tough, especially when the line between friendship and something more has already been crossed. First, it’s commendable that you both had open conversations after each intimate moment.
Communication like that takes courage and maturity. However, it’s worth noting that staying so close while harboring romantic feelings can make it harder for you to heal and move on. Even though he’s expressed care for you, his reluctance to give up his current relationship shows that his priorities lie elsewhere for now, and waiting for him—whether explicitly or implicitly—may only prolong your emotional pain.
It’s also significant that he stressed wanting to preserve the friendship. While his words seem sincere, his actions have blurred boundaries that might make a truly platonic friendship difficult for you. Right now, maintaining such frequent contact could be preventing you from processing your feelings fully and achieving the emotional clarity you need. It might be worth considering some distance—not as a punishment or a way to sever the friendship but as an act of self-care.
Space can help you reflect on what you truly want and deserve in a relationship. It’s important to prioritize your emotional well-being and avoid a dynamic that could leave you feeling stuck or second-best. If you feel ready, an honest conversation with him about your feelings and boundaries could help you both figure out a path forward.
True friendships can survive difficult conversations and even temporary space if the foundation is strong. You deserve clarity, respect, and a connection that fulfills you.” User
5. AITJ For Reporting My Co-Worker Who Took My Tip And Broke Procedure?
“I work in a restaurant, I am a waitress and my co-worker is a door host (i.e. greets customers, takes them to tables, and so on). So on Saturday night, the place is really busy, I have a million things to do, just the usual. A co-worker sits at a table of four and spends about ten minutes standing there talking to them.
Door hosts usually just give them menus, tell them info about the place, and hand them off to me. He finally stops chatting waves me over and says they want to order.
For the rest of the time they are there, he is CONSTANTLY coming over to them, for a good 10 minutes at a time, leaving the other door host, who has worked there for 2 days, by herself on the door.
They want to order more drinks and instead of telling me, which is standard procedure, he goes off to the bar and gets them himself. I ended up having to ask them what they had so I could add it to the bill which I find really unprofessional.
They ask for the bill, I drop it and go to the back to get a drink for someone, and I come back to find him taking the payment. Now door hosts are not floor or till trained, they are in no way allowed to use the micros, put in orders, or take payments.
However, I’m not going to go charging up in front of guests and grab the card machine from him so I let it happen. I then find out at the end of the night he was boasting to other members of staff that my table gave him a £10 tip and he’s keeping it.
So I put in a complaint to management, and the next day they had an investigation meeting, I was on the floor at the time and during the course of the meeting, he is crying and getting really upset. And now I feel bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re just feeling bad because he cried. It seems your co-worker knows the standard procedure and broke some rules, as well as took a tip you were supposed to receive. I don’t think you’re in the wrong at all. Maybe confronting your co-worker before management may have been better, but it also could have made it worse.
Don’t feel bad.” CosmicCam
Another User Comments:
“Really, he cried. I don’t care if you’re a man or woman, you don’t cry at work. Either he’s way too sensitive to be in the restaurant business or he was trying to get sympathy. He can’t say he didn’t know what he did was wrong after bragging to your coworkers about the tip.
You are definitely not the jerk here.” Diarygirl
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not the jerk, your co-worker is. He’s just upset he got called out. Bottom line, he was neglecting his job and stepping on your toes preventing you from doing yours. He also directly benefited from this.
Let management handle it.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Offending My Classmate's Mom By Debunking Her Misinformation?
“I (17f) am the president of our class. Misinformation is prevalent in our country, and elderly people are always the ones who fall for this false information because they don’t care to fact check to be honest. I, on the other hand, have trust issues.
I always make sure that all information I have is from a reliable source.
This happened last month when our midterm exams were approaching. The problem started when it was announced that there would be a transport strike on the same days as our exams, so many were confused about whether exams would be postponed.
A parent (40+F) sent a class suspension announcement to the parents’ group chat. The message includes the places that “announced” class suspensions. Our location was there. It looked real to be honest because it has a link attached to it. However, when I read the article (link), it never mentioned anything about class suspensions.
The thing is this was sent as a message wherein everyone can just type anything, then forward it. Therefore, I researched and checked every official page of news. I found one with the same caption, the only difference is our location was not included there.
Later that day, a classmate of mine asked me in our own GC if exams were postponed or not. He forwarded the announcement sent from a parent earlier and said “I saw this in the parents’ GC”. My response was “Isn’t that fake?”
Vince joked “Mother of “Baby” again”.
Indeed, it was Baby’s mother who sent that. Vince said “again” because his mother is known for sending these fake announcements. She sometimes calls the school to suspend classes. There’s this one time that she messed up big time that the school itself was pressured to suspend classes because of a big confusion.
Baby defended his mother saying “She always has sources”. Because of that, I explained why I said it was fake. I even showed them the original article. This is a big deal for me because I felt responsible as the class president. This will affect a big part of our grades because this concerns our midterms.
After that, more classmates of mine joked saying “We should report her account” “Remove her from the GC” “Social media of old people should be separate from us” etc. I recognized those as jokes and found them silly and funny.
A week later, I woke up and a long message welcomed me when I opened my phone.
It was Baby’s mother using his account. She sent a very long message regarding how we hurt her feelings when she read our messages. (I and Vince were specially mentioned).
According to her, she is professional and will never send false information. She is very hands-on so why would we report her account etc?
In short, she took the jokes literally and seriously.
I understood that the jokes might be offending for her. I just don’t understand why I am in the wrong here. I just explained my point. Nonetheless, I still apologized to her on behalf of our class and said that it was never my intention to personally attack her.
So, AITJ for offending her because I proved that she sent misinformation?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean honestly, she was NOT sharing false information, she herself was completely making stuff up. And she should be suspended from whatever account she posted it from. If someone quoted HER then they would be responsible for spreading misinformation, but she herself is the complete liar and fabricator of false information.” Personibe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She feels offended because she knows she’s wrong for spreading disinformation; as well as stupid for getting called out by a teenager. Your school should really consider some repercussions for her childishly targeting you and Vince in her message.” mango_script
3. AITJ For Insisting My Husband Keep Our Baby Away From Big Waves At The Beach?
“I am a new mom and like all moms, I worry about safety, especially around water. It is our 10-month-old girl’s first trip to the beach and my husband has been looking forward to it for months. He grew up coming to the beach every summer and he was eager to continue this tradition with our daughter.
This morning he took her down to play in the sand. When I joined them he was ready to take her into the water for the first time. The sea wasn’t exactly rough but it wasn’t calm either. The frequency and size of the waves were “fun” for adults and older kids, my 11-year-old nephew was having the time of his life.
The waves were relatively big for kids and came frequently, with the biggest ones hitting us in the middle of the back and often splashing onto my shoulders. They were big enough that we had to turn our back to the waves about half the time.
I asked my husband, who was holding the baby, to take her back into shallower water a few times, saying that I was nervous about the size of the waves. Each time he responded, “Don’t be nervous!” and from his tone of voice, I could tell he was mad and probably thought I was ruining his experience making this memory with the baby, something he probably envisioned multiple times.
He said that if I was so nervous I should just take her out of the water altogether. (This is a common type of response he has to any sort of complaint or unpleasant request. His first instinct is to just give up the activity altogether rather than modify it.)
However, the baby did not have on any water wings, life vest, or anything of that sort and the waves kept on coming. After a big wave that broke on my husband’s shoulders came, I said, “I don’t care, take her back away from these waves!” He was livid but complied, stomping off and back to the shore.
A minute or two after that big wave an even bigger one came which dumped my nephew off his floaty and pushed the floaty back to shore. Even he, who had been happily playing up till that point, said “It’s getting dangerous, it’s better if we get out.”
I took the baby back home for a nap and my husband stayed down on the beach to supervise my nephew. Now he isn’t talking to me. So AITJ here for being extremely cautious around these medium-to-big sized waves and potentially ruining an important first for my husband and baby?”
Another User Comments:
“Is it wrong to prioritize your child’s safety first? No, so NTJ, but your husband needs to mature, if the waves were strong enough to knock an 11-year-old boy off his floater, what chance does a baby have? The sea is no joke, if some current had caught your baby he would have been taken away?
Please have a calm and constructive conversation with your husband, he needs to understand that you are against risky situations, not situations of fatherhood.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My husband was having a blast in really heavy surf the last time we went (in June) and I kept asking him to go more shallow – and I’m the stronger swimmer.
He didn’t take me seriously until I jetted out past him stuck in a riptide. We both eventually got out but have learned to respect the ocean a bit more. Also learned some areas don’t have red flags, which was what we’d both learned to expect but this was a new beach.
I don’t think he was intentionally trying to endanger her at all, but I also think that it’s worth being cautious with a baby in arms” sliverofoptimism
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The most common cause of death in children is drowning. If something had knocked your husband off balance he might have lost his grip on the baby.
He was being contrarian and annoyed over child safety, not a good look. He should have waited for gentler conditions to try introducing her to water.” Prof_Hyde_White
2. AITJ For Not Inviting My Aunt To My Graduation?
“So, my commencement is next Thursday and the school gives out 5 tickets to each student who is graduating. I decided to give one to each of my immediate family which includes my mother who is coming from Florida, my father who came home from overseas, and my brother who I share an apartment with.
Then I gave one to my old manager and supervisor from work both of which I am close to and bent over backwards to make sure I could work full-time and go to school full-time.
These two have given me time off when I needed it, looked the other way when I would come in 30 minutes late, half asleep from a nap I was barely able to get in (I work the night shift from 23:00 to 7:00).
Have allowed me to take vacation time during spring break even though other people were already off during that week and I shouldn’t have been able to. Generally, they have been very supportive of my struggle. My old manager is coming up from Georgia, and my supervisor who lives in the same city as me will be there even though she is struggling with a multitude of her own personal problems.
Today, 5 days before graduation my mom tells me that I’m messed up because I didn’t save a ticket for my aunt. Who has honestly been a part of my life since I was a baby? My mother and her sister are close and we spent a lot of time over there as children.
But now I only see her on holidays, and she nor anyone else in my family for that matter has given me any help getting to where I am today. I love my aunt I really do, but I was limited to only 5 tickets.
So in the grand scheme of things I thought it was more important to give a ticket to the people who helped me achieve my goals than just a family member that I’m close with.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are your tickets for the people YOU are close with. Time to shake off the chains of your parents, set appropriate barriers, and enforce them. Remind your mom that these are your tickets, that you’ve grown away from your aunt, that these two people are very important to you, and tell her to drop the subject.
You can remind her if she brings it up again. It would also be a very nice gesture to reach out to your aunt and express your sympathies that she didn’t make the cut (with nicer caring words of course). Unless your aunt isn’t aware.or expressing any concern herself.
Perhaps this is all your mom…” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I totally get your mom wanting your aunt there, and it wasn’t unreasonable to assume she’d be invited, since family is usually who attends. But it’s your day, and your decision to invite people who were pivotal in getting you to this moment is wonderful.” HiHoJufro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your graduation so if you choose to invite people who have been supportive of your endeavors over some relative you barely see, that’s your choice. If you really wanted to include Aunt, is it possible to put out an appeal to your fellow grads to see if any of them could spare a ticket?
When I was in college, we had the same policy (5-6 per grade), but there were always people who didn’t need all of theirs and there were others who always needed a few extra. Both sides would advertise their need or their surplus on the campus email.” clutzycook
1. AITJ For Checking On My Teenage Daughter While She's Out With Friends?
“My daughter is 14 years old and is my and my wife’s only child. She’s just getting to that age where she wants to go out on Friday and Saturday nights to hang out in the town center/go to arcades/shop/ etc with her group of friends, all of whom are good kids.
We live in a small town and most parents will actually also convene in the center where there are plenty of open-air restaurants/ fountains etc so it’s not uncommon to see families drive in and split up with the teen kids hanging out while the rest wine and dine.
It’s a fairly safe town but as in any small town, the individuals with bad intentions are really bad and our town has a decent percentage of out-of-towners come through at any given time due to our proximity to the beach. My daughter is incredibly beautiful and it pains me to say she’s been the target of losers harassing her plenty of times over the years.
A creep approached my wife when my daughter was 4 and tried to buy her. When she was out with her cousin when she was 12 a man tried to grab her. I’ve been out with her and seen grown men approach her bravely like she isn’t a kid so naturally I and my wife are very cautious and have spoken to her regarding personal safety.
Last Friday rolled around and she wanted to go out wearing attire that whilst I wouldn’t describe as scandalous AT ALL, it’s what all teens wear, which made me concerned for her safety. My wife and I had planned to meet her folks for dinner anyway so we took her into town with us and after asking her where she’d be (at the bubble tea place) we sat down to have dinner.
All of our businesses and stores are basically clustered together so after dinner was finished but before we moved on to drinks I briefly told my wife I was going to check in on our kid and I walked over to the store, stuck my neck in to see if she was ok.
She looked up and saw me, seemed happy to see me, and asked if I wanted to try her tea flavor, and all was well so I walked back to my wife and in-laws.
The reason why I didn’t call or text was because my kid always has her phone on silent and more often than not won’t reply til hours later, which I’m assuming is a universal teen thing.
My MIL was less than impressed and basically told me I was being an overbearing father and that I needed to give my daughter breathing space. My wife interjected and told her mom that we support and love our kid and would never stop her from living her life, but if we are in the area of course we’ll use it to our advantage to periodically check that she’s safe.
To be clear, we know we can’t always protect our kid, but we have had enough bad experiences with men being predators that we feel we owe it to her to try and always do what we can.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the reaction that matters here is your daughters, not your mother-in-law.
If your daughter seemed happy to see you, you just said a quick hi and then left, and your daughter didn’t mind, then what do you care what your mother-in-law thinks? On the other hand, if your daughter gets frustrated and embarrassed and thinks you check up on her too much and wants you to stop, then you may be a little overbearing.” CalLil6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your MIL is. Sure kids need freedom, but this is a pretty good way of giving it to them. You’re nearby, and as long as your daughter isn’t bothered I wouldn’t call it breathing down her neck. Ask your daughter how she feels about it, I think that’s far more important than what your MIL thinks.
Also good on your wife for defending your choices!” goudentientje
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a mom who used to be a 14-year-old who was similarly approached by older men. You sound reasonable—allowing her to go off with her friends close by, and popping in to check on her every so often while still allowing her to have freedom.
She sounds like a good kid—she is where she says she’ll be, and she seems to understand that you’re not trying to invade her space: her inviting you in to try her tea is a really good sign! It says that she appreciates you and that she doesn’t see your checking in as an imposition or anything embarrassing.
I say keep doing what you’re doing.” funtime_snack
