People Want Us To Be Honest When Discussing Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Not Sharing My Inheritance With My Step-Siblings?
“My (22f) mom and grandparents passed away a few months ago in a terrible accident and left me everything.
My mom and grandparents were incredibly rich (old money-rich type) so it’s a lot of money.
My parents divorced when I was 15 when my dad had an affair with his coworker.
They had a prenup signed so my dad basically received nothing from the divorce and I lived with my mom full time.
I visited my dad during school holidays but I was never a fan of his new family (the woman he had an affair with and her kids).
Anyway, I’m still processing the loss of my grandparents and mom but my dad wants me to share my inheritance with his stepkids. Dad was fired from his old job after the affair blew up and is struggling to maintain a job. So his living situation is pretty bad.
My mom paid for my university and I’m planning to invest this money and also continue studying (master’s). My step-siblings will be turning 18 next year and my dad was saying how they have to get student loans to pay for their college.
I told my dad it’s not my problem because I don’t see them as my family.
And this money is from my mom and grandparents who definitely don’t see them as family. He blew up on me calling me heartless.
His wife is also messaging me asking for money to help them out but I told her to leave me alone because she’s not entitled to anything.
They are now harassing my partner into changing my mind. It’s getting increasingly annoying.
Some of my friends think I can give them just 10% to help them out. Because I will still have more than enough money. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That money is yours.
If your mom or grandparents wanted the stepkids to have any money, then they would have left some to them. Please do yourself a favor and block stepmom and step-siblings from your phone.
‘My friends think I can give them just 10% to help them out’.
Never, ever, ever, let friends, family, neighbors, random internet strangers, or the clergy be generous with YOUR money. Please, when it comes to money, put everyone on an information diet. Your friends and other family members don’t need to know anything about your inheritance. Stop telling people about it.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They have no right to any of it. You don’t have to share your inheritance. It’s up to you to decide what to do with your money. Your father and your step-siblings have no connection to your mother or grandmother’s inheritance.
That bond was separated when your parents got divorced. What they are asking is ridiculous. The money was left to you. Don’t do what your friends are suggesting. Yes, you could afford to give them 10% and not be affected by the loss. But once you give them anything, they will keep asking you for money.
It will never end. You will be seen as nothing but a piggy bank to them.
If you truly decide to help your step-siblings, set up a trust for their college needs that has a set amount in it or pay for their tuition directly to the college.
Do not under any circumstances give them money, they will use you. But again only do this if you want to, it’s your decision and no one else’s. I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry the people who are supposed to be there for you in your time of need are being greedy jerks.” samk2487
23. AITJ For Making My Son Finish His Food?
“I (36m) adopted my wife’s two sons and we have two of our own. Our oldest son is 11 and has always had special meals made for him.
I proposed that we try my family’s technique, we put the food out, and if they don’t want it they can go and play, but that food gets put away for the next meal. This meal will be there for when they get hungry.
My in-laws and wife were opposed to this. So I suggested that he go to therapy. They diagnosed him with ADHD and ODD and gave him medications. They gave my wife instructions for healthier eating strategies and she just didn’t do any of it.
Two years later I was fed up as a stay-at-home dad of 4 and battling the food thing. I told my wife I was taking over. After a rough couple of months where once a week I’d put a meal that wasn’t what he wanted, he’s eating whatever is put in front of him.
He’s having vegetables and feeling proud that he’s overcoming the anxiety he’s had around food.
We went to his great-grandparents’ house for lunch. I told him he’d need to have a spoonful of everything and as much of whatever he wanted. My wife made him a plate and she served less than a spoonful, but hey, not gonna fight that.
After eating most of it he complained that the salt was burning a cut on his lip and I told him to finish the last bites, it was a couple of spoonfuls of cheesy potatoes and a tiny piece of ham.
I then went outside to check on my other two boys.
When I came back in I overheard my son’s great aunt bragging to my mother-in-law about how she just ate his food for him. She saw that I overheard and shut up real quick.
I then pulled my son aside and asked him about it and he said that she said ‘You don’t have to eat that’.
He tried to to tell her that he had to and then she proceeded to eat it anyway. I told him we were gonna go back in there and I’d give him a similar portion the small amount that he was supposed to eat.
Of course, they got huffy but didn’t say anything. When he finished I sent all of the kids outside. The adults were all talking, so I waited until there was a lull and said, ‘I didn’t think I’d have to say this, if you disagree with how I’m raising my son you can come to talk to me, but I will not tolerate (looking at great aunt) you encouraging my son to disobey me’.
She just outright denied doing it. I told her to shut up, that I heard her bragging about it and my son told me. It went off the rails. Her daughter yelled at me not to talk to her mother that way. My father-in-law yelled at me for being an atheist. My mother-in-law yelled at me saying my son’s ADHD and ODD are my fault.
My wife and her whole family are upset with me, but my son isn’t. My wife thinks I should have waited to bring it up or I shouldn’t have said it with my ‘tone’. I took time to calm myself, I got the kids out of the house and tried to set this boundary.
I don’t want any of her family around the kids until they apologize to my son and me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think everyone sucks here. Great aunt sucks because she encouraged your child to disobey you and that can leave a kid confused and feeling like they can turn to the other adult whenever they don’t want to listen.
But I think you took your son’s eating habits too far. You moved the goalposts and he’s not 4 anymore. He’s 11. He’s old enough to determine what he likes to eat and why and as long as he’s still eating healthily you should not have this much control over what he eats and how much.
You told him to try everything and he did. When he gave you a valid reason for no longer wanting to eat you should have let it go. You could have easily gone back to saying that the plate will be there when he wants it later, OR you could have just let it go completely.
He ate most of it so obviously this wasn’t a matter of him being picky. It sounds like you went from wanting him to eat healthy to forcing him to finish food no matter if he actually likes it or has the room for it and that’s not healthy either.
You are ruining his relationship with food.” heyitsta12
Look for trends in what he likes and dislikes. If he likes broccoli but hates auliflower, is it such a hardship to help him learn to make good choices like that? Carrots and good but celery isn't? Let him have some say in meal prep since he is older now. This also teaches him that he can't say I don't like this one day but it is good the next. Keep a tracking list. If he turns something down multiple times, you know something is up with not liking it. He may feel the need to try it again later and discover he does like it. At 11, though, try to make him a part of the food selections as long as it doesn't become a game to him.
22. AITJ For Wanting My Old Hair Back?
“So, I saved money all year to buy hair extensions because I don’t like how fine my hair is… I loved it, it was REALLY expensive but worth it, I felt really confident and happy with it.
And then comes my mom, I love her but she tends to be very controlling and uses money as a way to manipulate me and make me feel ungrateful.
We have very different styles and she hated my long extensions, just kept criticizing my hair every day calling it hideous and ugly.
Honestly, I just let it slide, but then she paid hundreds of dollars to a hairstylist so he would take it off, it was kind of forced, because I told her hundreds of times I didn’t want to get it removed. Then she got me super expensive hair nutrition etc, etc… but I’m feeling super insecure and unhappy.
I didn’t like it. She even begged me to cut it but I didn’t let her. So I got home and cried in the mirror, and she flipped saying I was ungrateful, that she would stop caring for me or doing anything for me.
I feel bad for not liking it, and a jerk for telling her that. But at the end of the day, I’m 19 years old and should be able to have the hair I want for myself.
AITJ for hating the hair my mom paid hundreds of dollars for and wanting my old hair back?”
Another User Comments:
“A very gentle YTJ because you are a legal adult and had the power to say no. I understand it doesn’t FEEL that way. And if you’re living at home or your parents are paying for school or they’re supporting you in another way then they may be using that as leverage, which is wrong and abusive.
However, no hairstylist would have removed those extensions if you said no or that you were being coerced into being there. It’s time to figure out how to be in a space where you feel confident enough to use your voice. Start saving up so you have enough financial security that you can afford to say no. I would also talk to a therapist – it can be hard to find healthy boundaries when all you know are unhealthy ones.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“You are 19 and you now need to start standing up to your mom. She will remain controlling and manipulative until you don’t feed it. Just say NO and don’t discuss it anymore. When she keeps pushing, ignore it. She will tell you how ungrateful you are, etc etc but this is all a ploy.
Your anger is not just because of your hair, it’s because you caved into her. It’s going to be hard to break this cycle, and you will not be able to do it all at once, but you need to start doing it. You are not in the wrong!
You want what you want and your mom doesn’t respect that. Good luck.” goldenfingernails
21. AITJ For Suing My Ex For The $20,000 He Owes Me?
“My ex lied to me, a lot. He lied to me about being divorced. He lied to me about his family refusing to help. He lied to me about the reason why his wife separated from him – he had an affair and they were separated for 2 years.
He tricked me out of a lot of funds (about 20,000 USD – in paying for his divorce, paying his debts, paying a lot of his traffic fees, borrowing funds, etc)
I was in a vulnerable position. I had a miscarriage and had broken up with my ex because of it.
I was alone, hurt, and vulnerable. He lovebombed me, pretended to love me, and put me in a bad spot due to stuff I won’t get into. He basically convinced me to let him move in with me. He immediately changed. Turns out he was a heavy-drinking liar who treated me awfully.
After 6 long months in which he ate through my savings, sabotaged me, and cost me my job, he blissfully moved out to ‘start a new job’. He promised me he would pay his debt to me when the house he and his wife had would be sold in the divorce.
That didn’t happen. He let his ex have the house in exchange for a bunch of money he owed her in child support. And after all that? He spread lies about me and refused to pay me back.
I recently found out his parents both passed and had left him their house.
He was allegedly bragging to common friends about how he was going to sell the house. So I traveled down to his state, hired a lawyer, presented my evidence for the funds he tricked me out of, and sued him. He never showed up, so we obtained a judgment and had a lien put on his house.
The sale fell through and he called me to beg me to remove the lien because he needs the money for his daughter’s college. Then I got called a jerk by him, his family, and friends, and harassed on social media.
According to our common friends, I am the jerk for doing this 4 years after we broke up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get your money back and don’t think twice. It could be 10 years later, and it wouldn’t matter. You finally have the means to collect. He’s also probably lying about the college fund and to all those people harassing you.
You’re also not preventing him from selling the house. He’s welcome to negotiate a settlement with you that would be funded directly through the purchase of the house. The only person screwing him over at this point is himself.” screamqueen57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were a jerk to yourself for far too long, props to you for finally standing up to him. DO NOT remove the lien, not until he pays you back every last cent he owes, with interest. Great job at standing up for yourself!
And as for your ‘friends’, I’d ask them how many of them would be willing to forgive such a huge debt. (those people are not your friends. They are his, and he is likely trying to get them to manipulate you.)” SuccessDifficult5981
20. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Half-Sibling?
“Dad and I (17M) do not have a good relationship. When my mom was sick with cancer my dad was out having an affair and he left me to take care of my younger siblings (12F and 11M).
He even let me catch him with two different women during that time and my mom was on hospice so it was really difficult not to say anything but I was so overwhelmed and scared that saying the wrong thing would take her from us sooner.
This was 4 years ago and I never forgave him for what he put me through.
I told him before that I never want to be like him when I grow up and he’s no role model for me. I also called him a failure as a husband and a father.
He was angry at being called a failure as a father. But when his three kids needed him the most he wasn’t there, instead he was hooking up with women on the side. He also said he loved my mom and never wanted me to say he was all bad as her husband.
I said I found it so hard to believe and he would never convince me he actually loved her.
I was still mostly in charge after Mom died but eventually, my siblings started to pick up some skills so I wasn’t doing it all. It really helped and made us regular siblings again instead of me being almost a dad.
But it was also tough because they’re really young and I hated that they were forced to grow up so fast. Losing mom did that anyway.
Dad met someone a couple of years ago and he introduced her to us last year and it took only a few weeks for her to move in.
Then suddenly she’s pregnant and they race to get married. My dad’s wife tried to involve my siblings and me in her pregnancy excitement but I wasn’t excited and I don’t think they were either. I’m pretty sure we all avoided her as much as we could.
The baby was born in December and she has been reaching out to me to help pretty often. But I don’t help her. I check in on my siblings where I can but other than that I focus on me. I know biologically that baby is my half-sibling but I don’t care.
I don’t see them as a sibling and I’m not planning to bond with them or keep them in my life once I’m in college. I won’t speak to Dad either. Just my siblings.
Recently Dad’s wife has been pressing more for my help and the other day she asked me why I could be such a great big brother to my younger siblings but I have never even held her baby or cooed over her baby.
She told me she sees me do so much for my siblings and knows I was the person who helped them through when mom was sick and then when she died. She told me she figured I would want to be the same for her baby.
I told her it wasn’t my job to help and to get her husband to help if she needed it. She told me she wanted her baby to be accepted and none of us had accepted the baby yet. None of us had interacted with the baby yet.
She said it’s not fair and she needs help. I told her I was not her helper and she needed to hire someone if she wanted the help, or again, get Dad. But I won’t be doing anything for her or her baby. She called me disgusting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad and his wife did not consult you about them living together, getting married, or having a baby. It seems like getting pregnant and married quickly was her plan, or they were just very careless. They CHOSE to have a baby; you and your siblings bonded over losing your mom to cancer, which was NOBODY’S choice.
New parents don’t normally have ready-made babysitters in the house. It should be up to your dad to help her with the baby.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. The only way you are actually related to that baby is through your so-called father. And if he couldn’t even be a real father to you and your siblings, then you’re not really related to that baby.
On top of that, children should not be expected to take care of their siblings, ever. It’s different if the help is offered.
You were forced into raising your siblings because your mom was too sick to do it and your dad is not a true dad.
If your father and his wife cannot see the difference there and she needs that much help, they never should have had that baby. If she was a good woman and just a person in general, she would’ve realized that your father is not the man to have children with if he so easily abandons them for her.
I’m 17f, I have younger twin half-sisters, and I help take care of them. That is because I WANT to and I also get paid to do it. Your situation is completely different and you have no obligation to do anything for that baby whatsoever.” AdOutside3014
19. AITJ For Not Defending My Wife When My Family Ripped Her Apart For Not Wanting Children?
“I (30M) have two siblings. ‘Dani’ (37F) is my sister, and then my brother is married to ‘Leah’ (26F). Leah has two children (7 and 2).
I’ve been with my wife (27F) for 9 amazing years, she’s the most incredible and loving woman I know… she’s currently a primary school teacher (think 5-6-year-olds) and we’ve been trying for a baby for 6 years, we’ve never had any luck.
One day last month my wife came home and suddenly decided she didn’t want a baby, now this is from the woman whose entire career is children and who has dreamed of being a mother since childhood, she wouldn’t explain.
She finally told me they got a child with special educational needs (SEN) at the school and she’s been hit with the realization that if we have a child, eventually, would we be capable of caring for a child with SEN?
She’s just overwhelmed.
We went to dinner with my parents, siblings, and nephews, Dani asked us if we had any luck recently in the baby department – my wife jumped in and essentially said tonight she’s setting the boundary that there’s no children talk, she’s exhausted from work and trying for so long and she doesn’t want children anymore.
Dani and Leah made a joke that maybe my wife is already pregnant hence the attitude. My wife reiterated she doesn’t want children anymore – Leah got upset, asking my wife why she’s a teacher then if she doesn’t like children? And Dani tagged in saying it’s hardly as though we’re infertile.
My wife has been checked out and so have I, we both have working parts, we just don’t know why we can’t have children and we haven’t explored it too much.
I didn’t say anything and continued speaking to my parents.
Now I’m in the dog house with my wife, I said if she’s old enough to make this decision for the both of us then she’s old enough to set boundaries with my sister and SIL.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife set a clear boundary and your sister and SIL stomped all over it.
You absolutely should have shut that crap down. ‘Leah got upset, asking my wife why she’s a teacher then if she doesn’t like children? And Dani tagged in saying it’s hardly as though we’re infertile.’ Who do these women think they are?
Seriously, do they always stick their noses in like this? They were completely out of line here. You and your wife need to discuss the matter of having children privately, not in front of your sister and SIL. ” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. They ganged up on your wife and you didn’t do anything, but also it sounds like you were not really part of the conversation from how you explain it.
You still should have helped defend her though. Also, someone can love kids but not want to be a parent. There are tons of teachers without children who love the kids they teach. Your sister-in-law sounds a bit overwhelming. If she thinks that someone may not want their own kids that they don’t like kids.” Sweetcilantro
18. AITJ For Not Offering My Sister To Live With Us?
“I’ve (28F) just moved into a new bigger house. I’ve been in and out of hospital while 35 weeks pregnant. My grandmother has passed on, and she and my sister (36F) have always had a special bond, and Gran clearly played favorites. I was treated like a maid my whole life until I met my now husband (28M).
My sister was staying with my gran in an old age village.
About 4 months ago I told my sister, ‘Not to be insensitive or anything but Gran is starting to get really sickly, now that you have started a new job and you are not paying rent, try saving towards getting your own place because Gran is not going to live forever’.
Gran is 85 years old, by the way.
A few days after my Gran passed, my sister received a notice advising that she needed to vacate the premises in 14 days. My mother is a narc and started blowing up my MIL and my husband’s phones saying she needs to speak to me urgently regarding my sister’s living situation.
(their phones because I blocked my mother and had no contact with her after my daughter was born).
I lived with my sister a few years ago when she and her son had no place to go and I needed someone to look after my 5-month-old baby so at the time I thought it would be a win-win situation for both of us.
My sister would not reprimand or correct her son when he stepped out of line, she was and still is not monogamous to one man, had several men visiting her, and led a party-based lifestyle where she knew her son would be safe as he is with me and would stay out all night not letting us know if or when she is coming home.
Not judging as this is the example my mother set for her but this is not what I want around me and my family. I have a daughter and as someone who had very close encounters with several of the strange men my mother and gran had parading in and out of the house and had to run away to safety to escape them, I’m not comfortable having that around my daughter.
Also when her son would step out of line with my husband, he would take it out on me advising that it’s my family and I need to correct the son. My husband is not my sister’s biggest fan, I know he doesn’t like her because of her lifestyle, but he tolerates her because she is my sister.
So when my husband asked me why I was crying about this they could come and stay with us again as we have the space, I called him out and said that he always took pet peeves he had with them out on me, and it feels like I need to choose my marriage’s happiness or choose to rescue my sister once again from homelessness.
I feel like I’m kind of being punished for being a responsible adult.
My mom won’t take her in because ‘she can’t handle my sister and her child it’s too much for her’. So AITJ for not inviting my sister to stay with me again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just say no and stick to it. Also, tell your husband and MIL that you have blocked your mother for a reason, and you recommend they do the same, and you won’t be responding to her. Finally, talk to your husband, and let him know that you do not want your sister or mother anywhere near your family and that his even entertaining the idea adds stress to your life.
You need him to stand firm with you, and if contacted, just to say, ‘No, that wouldn’t work for us’. This is a point where he needs to take his lead from you, but be very firm about it as if it was his idea too.” PenBoom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t sound like taking your sister in is in the best interest of you, your marriage, or your family. The last time your sister stayed with you, it caused issues in your home. I see no reason to repeat that experience.
Your sister is an adult (older than you) and it’s her responsibility to figure her situation out. If she stayed with your grandmother for years and didn’t save towards a place of her own, that’s serious bad planning on her part. Your mother is calling on you to do something that she won’t do herself.
Don’t do it. If you can offer your sister a SMALL amount of money to find herself a place, do that but don’t go any further.” moew4974
17. AITJ For Having Dinner With My Son?
“The other night, my son (M 18) and I (F 53) decided on the spur of the moment to go out for dinner, using a gift certificate that I had for 3.5 years because we don’t go out much (given to me as a 50th birthday present).
I am recovering from surgery and also just recovered from a cold and wanted to get out of the house. My son just wanted to eat.
We asked my husband (M 66) if he wanted to come. He said he couldn’t because he was busy working on tax stuff and asked that we postpone and go all together another night when he and my daughter (F 20) are available.
I know how this goes. There is a reason this gift certificate is 3.5 years old. We have another gift certificate for a local restaurant that is 13 years old. We just don’t go out much. Generally, we prefer to order in, and it’s very rare that all 4 of us are available at the same time.
So, I said my son and I would go tonight, but we would happily go again any other time my husband wanted to go (yes, we can afford this. We’re not rich, but this would not in any way be a financial strain). This angered both my husband and daughter because they felt we should put off our spontaneous decision and plan for a time they could go.
I didn’t really get it. My husband hates being spontaneous. It really stresses him out. We have to plan everything outside our usual routine very carefully if it involves him or he will get upset. I have no problem with this quirk of his. He’s a wonderful man.
But I don’t really see why his quirk has to affect my spontaneous nature if my spontaneous decisions aren’t affecting him. Can’t I just do what I want to do spontaneously if I also do planned things with him? Why can’t my son and I enjoy a spontaneous dinner AND a planned dinner?
My son and I went anyway. I told my husband he was being petty by not wanting me to do something for the sole reason that he couldn’t do it, too. My staying home would be no benefit to him. We would not have eaten together or spent time together.
He was going to work, exercise, then go to bed. Now he and my daughter are mad at me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Husband and Daughter are selfish, controlling fools. Their response should have been… ‘Great have a good time. We’ll all go together some other time’.
The less you talk about this the better. An argument that solves nothing will ensue and you will both be unhappy for a while. The high road is where you should be. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ No matter what he says or does repeat this phrase over and over.
Eventually, he will tire and the subject will die. Neither of you is prepared for what will happen if you allow an argument to happen. Someone has to be the adult here. And, you are probably better able to make it happen. Avoid trying to get the impossible… understanding and compassion.
It ain’t happenin’.” harleybidness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked if he wanted to go and he said no. Your invitation wasn’t a negotiation, and your not being home didn’t mess up any of your husband’s plans. Plus it was YOUR birthday gift. If you want to invite your friends and leave your husband’s home, that’s your choice.
If you wanted to set the certificate on fire so no one could use it, it has nothing to do with him. If you wanted to go all by yourself, order one of everything on the menu, take one bite of each dish, and throw the rest out without touching them, that’d be YOUR prerogative.
I’d tell him, ‘Next time I get a gift certificate for my birthday, just so I know, what is the timeline before I’m allowed to use it without you? Four years? Ten? Do you want to set any other ground rules while we’re at it, like that I can only wear the blouse I got for my birthday if you can wear it too?'” PolkaDotPenguins1945
16. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Ex-In-Laws' Friends So They Could See My Daughter?
“My ex (33m) and I (33f) have not been together since 2017. We have one daughter together (7f). His life has been messy since before we called it quits and I have allowed his parents to spend time with our daughter in my home. For context, his parents live in the US and I live in Canada.
We live about a 5-hour drive apart.
Because my ex lives with roommates and he can’t really host them at his, I have allowed them to hang out with her at my place. They are in our city often for business and to visit other friends, like sometimes I feel that it’s too often (every day for 2 months, sometimes less ) but I want my daughter to have a relationship with her grandparents.
They have done some very sketchy things in the past and my ex did not have the best childhood – his parents neglected him and now laugh it off like ‘it’s ok, we’re important‘ type of entitlement. I recall an incident when my ex-MIL called my 2-year-old annoying for touching her iPad.
For this and other reasons, we agree that she cannot spend the night with them without one of us. Ex-MIL is really upset that I refuse to let her take my daughter for months on end in a cabin in the Hamptons. I’m going to visit their large city for the first time with my kid in April and they somehow found out and made plans to have us rotate to all of their friends’ houses the entire time we’re there.
I refused. We can go out for dinner but I’m not visiting all their friends. Ex-MIL is in tears and thinks I hate her and I’m heartless. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re allowing them to spend time with your daughter so she can have a relationship with her grandparents.
You’re also maintaining a healthy distance so that the relationship doesn’t cause trauma to your daughter due to their previous neglect of their own son. Most importantly, they are your ex-in-laws. You have no reason nor need to meet or spend time with all of their friends.
And if they wanted to show off their granddaughter to their friends they should’ve learned to be better parents and grandparents. They themselves are the reason they cannot be trusted alone with your daughter, so you are 100% NTJ. Especially if you are agreeing to still spend time with them when you’re visiting the city.” notan_avocadothx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are free to vacation with your child anywhere you want. Tell your ex-MIL that you are going to the U.S. to vacation and spend time with your child. This trip is NOT about visiting them and their random friends.
You will try and plan a single lunch or dinner during your trip but you won’t be seeing them beyond that one meal. If she wants to keep pushing, take the meal off the table. How did they find out about your trip? If they know where you are staying, change hotels otherwise you will get constant ambushes.
Plan the lunch/dinner at the end of your trip so they can’t pump your daughter about where you are staying and the plans you have for outings and such.” TarzanKitty
15. AITJ For Telling My Friend It's Unfair Of Her To Get A Tent For Herself?
“My best friend (girl) and I (guy) planned to go to a camping-themed NYE party with some of her friends.
The event went well, all of us had fun but this one giant guy (one of her friends) got too wasted and took over the tent we were supposed to share. There was still some room in the tent where the giant had passed out but my friend was reluctant to sleep alongside the giant guy, understandably cause so was I.
The giant guy before passing out kept saying he needed more space cause of his duvet that he got from home.
The only other remaining tent was this one-person tent that was meant for the giant guy. She insisted that she wanted to sleep in peace, not near the snoring giant, I also wanted the same.
After 15 minutes of pleading with each other we both got tired (it was like 3 am) and she said ‘Try to understand I am a girl so I want to sleep alone’ to which I replied with ‘Don’t use THAT card right now’. (I wasn’t asking her to sleep with the guy.
I was suggesting we share the single tent since I didn’t want to sleep with the guy either)
I understand I was wrong in saying that, although I don’t understand what she meant by ‘I’m a girl’ and how that means that she gets a tent to herself to sleep in comfort.
I do feel guilty, I just want to know what I could’ve done here.
In the end, we both ended up sleeping in the one-person tent and her giant friend got a good hearing from her about him taking over the entire tent.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend was in a position to compromise with you and they chose to try and force their demand instead. No one wants to sleep next to the snoring boulder. She shouldn’t automatically assume you’ll give her the whole tent the same way you shouldn’t assume she wants to be alone when you both were going to share the main tent in the first place.
She didn’t make better plans to have a separate tent for herself. As a woman, or really, as a rational adult, everyone should be prepared for a situation such as there not being enough tents. Always bring a spare if you can. At the end of the day, at least you two managed through the night without issue AND she gave him an earful.
That sounds like it went better than it could have.” User
Another User Comments:
“Before passing judgment I want to know what the sleeping arrangements were before the big guy took over the tent. If the original plan was to share a larger tent, but since he took it she didn’t want to share a smaller tent, well then NTJ.
You don’t just kick someone out of their planned sleeping arrangements last minute, especially on a holiday where it’s impossible to find any accommodations.” curiously_curious3
14. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Stop Complaining About My Daughter's Haircut?
“I (40M) and my wife (42F) have been married for 5 years. I have a 14-year-old daughter from a previous relationship.
Her mother wanted nothing to do with her when she was born. When I met my wife, she was worried about being a bad stepmother to my daughter. They became close and they do a spa day every Mother’s Day.
My daughter has very long hair down to her shoulders.
She hates putting it up in ponytails and she complains about the length of time it takes to blow-dry. She’s a big tomboy and one of her friends recommended she get a pixie cut. I booked her an appointment to get the cut she wanted and she was very happy.
She’s been in such a great mood and loves having short hair.
When I brought her home to see my wife, my wife dropped what she was doing and looked like she was about to faint. She asked why I allowed my daughter to cut all her hair off.
I told her that this was the cut my daughter wanted. My wife got furious and started telling me about how I ruined my daughter’s image. I shot back at her to get over the haircut as it made my daughter happy. That was all I wanted was for my daughter to be happy.
My wife continued to complain about the haircut even around my daughter and I had to tell her multiple times to drop it. My daughter has been very depressed and it’s worrying me. I have been giving my wife the cold shoulder and she’s been very cold to both me and my daughter.
AITJ for telling my wife to get over my daughter’s short hair?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The way she’s continuing to complain about the cut itself and the girl’s ‘image’ sounds like she straight-up thinks girls shouldn’t have short hair. Maybe she was ok with your daughter’s tomboy-ness as long as she still had what your wife considers a major signal of femininity and now she feels the girl is ‘too masculine.’ She may or may not have ideas about this having something to do with your having been a single father.
Maybe she feels an inappropriate level of authority or control over your child’s choices about how she presents herself in general, regardless of gender norms, and feels her authority was usurped. Regardless of the nature of her issue, she is making a child feel bad about her appearance and her preferences for her own body, and she needs to stop.” mwmandorla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would definitely talk to your wife privately when your daughter is not around. Cold shoulder is not going to help it stop from happening again. I’d find out what’s up. I guarantee she has said something and talked to your daughter privately!
So you need to speak to her as well. Your wife needs to respect that at 14 this girl has a right, just as a person to choose her own hairstyle. Not even a matter of mom, stepmom, etc. Please set some boundaries with your wife now.
This could get really bad as this girl continues through her teens. You can’t ignore it.” NotyJewel
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Son The Family Heirloom Rings?
“There is a set of wedding rings that have been passed down by the family and it will be given to the first child.
I’ve given the rings to my daughter (27F) and her fiance and they love them so much that they plan to use them as their actual rings.
I have 2 other children and my youngest son (21M) isn’t happy with the whole arrangement. He doesn’t think it’s fair and he wants the ring. He has asked my daughter for it on multiple occasions, and she has said no but he isn’t backing down.
I did offer up other heirlooms like a pair of earrings or cufflinks that we could turn into earrings. He has his ears pierced so he can definitely wear them or gift them to his current partner but he doesn’t want those so I’m not sure what else I can do for him.
My son talked about the rings to my daughter again so I called him again and basically told him to stop bothering his sister about the rings. I had promised them to her before he was born. I also brought up how the earrings and cufflinks are still up for grabs as my other daughter hasn’t yet decided, but if he doesn’t want them then he can have nothing at all.
He obviously wasn’t happy at this so he said some insults and hung up. We haven’t talked for a couple of days and I’m wondering if I might be the jerk for how I said things. I’m standing my ground on my decision to let my daughter keep the rings.”
Another User Comments:
“I do think it’s a bit jerkish to start handing or promising emotionally valuable items to kids if the other kids aren’t involved in the discussion. Yeah, it’s by birth order or a tradition but that doesn’t mean that it automatically feels okay for the other children who were skipped. You have two children who are interested in those rings and you took only one into consideration.
You didn’t even ask him why he was interested in them: you just assumed: ‘Well, we still have earrings/cufflinks, that should be enough’: it isn’t. In the case of heirlooms, it nearly always isn’t about the functional use or value. Sometimes feeling like you’re also being taken into consideration despite tradition and included in decisions is enough to cool these kinds of emotions and for all kids to come to an agreement on who gets what.
Now, that’s not an option.” First-Industry4762
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Man, this thing of the eldest kid having dibs is so stupid and a sure way to alienate your other kids. It’s just a way of playing favorites. You are telling the other kids you don’t like them enough to even consider giving them the rings.
Also saying it’s a tradition is such a bad argument. You are still making a choice to prioritise one kid and that is a clear message. If it were me, anytime you asked or needed something I would direct you to your eldest. If I am not good enough to even be considered to get a family heirloom then I am not good enough to help you with whatever you need.
You keep saying rings, how many are there, and how many kids have you got? Can’t you divide the rings between the kids? Also, why not get the rings and turn them into something that can be divided between them? That way all of them get to have a piece of the family heirloom and feel like they are valued and a part of the family.
You could’ve also asked 1st if any of your kids wanted the rings, chances are not all of them would want them and the problem was solved. If more than 1 wanted you could do as I mentioned before. Oh and offering the earrings and cufflinks is even worse, it’s like you’re throwing them a bone just to shut them up.
Especially considering they don’t have nearly as much emotional weight as the rings.” stuff_sir
Another User Comments:
“On the surface, I want to say NTJ, however, if we dig in a little deeper… Family traditions can be a tricky thing. Imagine a tradition already established that has nothing to do with you, such as your youngest son being born and being told certain items are given to the oldest born and passed down.
He already has failed. He wasn’t the first born so he feels like he’s not a top priority. Furthermore, if these rings are supposed to be passed down, will they still be if this couple keeps them as their rings? Ending with ‘no jerks here’ because I have a feeling as a lastborn, he has been forgotten about many times and he’s trying to uproot a tradition that was kind of weird in the first place.” Y2Flax
12. AITJ For Refusing To Eat My Partner's Casserole?
“So my partner had her whole family over at our place the other day and she cooked her best recipe; an egg casserole.
The issue here is that I really hate eggs. I don’t like the smell, the texture, the sight and I especially hate the taste of eggs and I’ve hated eggs my whole life.
My partner knows this and she doesn’t force me to eat eggs but she begged me to try her casserole.
At dinner, I tried it and my partner was looking at me and she knew I didn’t like it. I had to pour a lot of ketchup on the casserole and pinch my nose just so I could eat it.
Her cousins asked me what was wrong and my partner explained my aversion to eggs and they understood. My partner, on the other hand, sounded like she was offended and she told me that she cooked her eggs so they didn’t taste like eggs.
We have a lot of leftovers and last night I made myself some kraft macaroni.
My partner asked me why I wasn’t having any of the casserole and I was surprised that she even asked. I told her I didn’t like it and she looked at me silently for like a minute and went to our room where she went to bed.
I can tell she is mad at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a long-standing and well-known aversion to eggs. She knows this. She makes her ‘best recipe, an egg casserole’ for a large gathering. Of course, you aren’t going to suddenly like eggs.
No one cooks eggs to not taste like eggs. She is delusional. Eggs can be detected and if you don’t like them, you don’t like them. It’s not personal. She could have prepared a simple side dish for you that had no egg in it.
You weren’t rude, you were honest. She has to accept that you don’t like eggs, even in disguise, or when she makes them.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s acting like you said her food tasted like regurgitated cat upchuck when all you said was you didn’t like the dish because of your known aversion to eggs.
Even she is acknowledging the aversion despite that in practice she’s still trying to make you eat something unpleasant. Food preferences are not indicative of the person’s cooking ability. It could’ve been the best tasting thing ever but if you hate eggs it will be unpalatable to you.” nikkesen
11. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Be Mindful Of How She Responds To People Online?
“My close friend (28F) got into an online debate about young children attending daycare before kindy, stating ‘Don’t have children if you can’t afford them’ in a comment on a public social media post. This comment was in response to someone saying the cost of living crisis in Australia has meant that both parents have to work in this economy.
She revealed to commenters that she’s a kindergarten teacher and based on her research, parents should take some personal responsibility and stay at home with their kids if they’re under 4 years old, otherwise, they aren’t fit to be parents. Naturally, people were really upset by these comments.
One of her responses to people defending sending their children to daycare was ‘Your response stems from guilt, not child development research. Raise your child’.
After I saw her comments appear on my feed, I messaged her privately and, as gently as possible, told her she should probably delete comments that state she is a kindergarten teacher while sharing this view on a public post. I also pointed out she has her full name, location, and franchise name as her workplace info on her profile.
I tried to be empathetic to her, as I know she’s passionate about child development and the first five years, but also warned her about how easy it is for people to get doxxed and fired when they work in roles that deal with the public.
I also stated it might be against her school’s social media policy because she’s basically dragging the parent community for something that is a difficult but necessary choice at the moment. I made sure to tell her I’m sure her research is valid, but it’s unrealistic in this economy to tell parents they are unfit parents because they need to work while their children are young.
She was very angry at me and essentially told me it was none of my business. She states it’s her personal account which has nothing to do with her work, that she’s not representing her school on a private social media account, and that teachers are allowed to have opinions outside of work.
She also said her opinions don’t affect her role or performance as a teacher, as she cares deeply about the kids, just not the parents.
She’s also told our friend group that what I said is threatening, that I must have some sort of vendetta against her and that I just don’t want to see her succeed in her passion.
She has now blocked me on everything.
Did I overstep here?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow NTJ. You are just trying to protect her career. It is very easy to call someone’s work and complain. Teachers aren’t exactly in positions of high power. All she needs is one parent at her school who disagrees with her to see what she wrote and she risks being blackballed in her community.
You are gently sounding the alarm before her house burns down. But she isn’t listening. You can lead a horse to water… Maybe she will unblock you when she gets fired, but I doubt it.” purplepeopletreater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s playing with fire… and probably going to be unemployed in a fortnight… if she works at a private kindergarten/daycare hybrid model (or any school really) she will have signed a social media policy – the fact that she has her employer on her personal social media in the first place is problematic, but now she’s saying things that are commercially sensitive (no one wants to send their kids to her class, for Pete’s sake!) she’s in deep doo-doo.
Don’t worry. Someone who knows someone will say something to someone… and she’s doomed. You were being a good friend pointing this out… and she can’t take the dirt but she can dish it. Given her reaction, you aren’t losing much of a quality friend here.
Ignore her bleating. It will pass. Her friends who agree with her stance aren’t people you want in your future anyway, and the ones who know she’s nuts for doing this will smile and nod and move along and not get involved in her nonsense too deeply… you can hang with them without her.” Particular-Try5584
10. AITJ For Telling My Mom "My House, My Rules"?
“I (17M) live with my three brothers (15M, 13M, 10M), and my ma (40F). We’re not very well off. I pay almost half the rent, I pay for groceries more often than not, and I juggle having a job, going to school, and raising these three kids, one of whom is disabled.
I say raising, because my ma, between having two jobs and basically never being home, doesn’t contribute. She’s gone by 8 am, and usually not back before 10 or 11 pm. In the past year, she’s been home even less, getting home later and later. I’m pretty sure she goes out drinking.
The fight went like this: My ma came home last night a bit before 9 pm for once, instead of 11 or later as she’s been doing. 15M came out of his room to say hi, and 13M was already on the couch reading something for school, so she hugged both of them, and said hi, and said she’d stopped by the gas station to buy us all something and gave us all a candy bar, which was cool of her.
Then, she asked where 10M was, because she wanted to say hi to him.
Now, I’ve practically raised these kids on my own for years now. And I do my best. On the very rare occasion my mom comes home early, she usually just goes to bed.
I have 10M go to bed at 8 pm, which I don’t think is unreasonable, and I let the other two stay up until 10 pm because they’re older. We all eat dinner at 6, get home from school around 4, and have a pretty clean routine altogether.
Now, my ma was asking where he was, so I told her he was asleep.
She asked why, so I told her it was past his bedtime. She told me he didn’t have to go to bed that early. I told her he did. She told me no he didn’t, she’d said we could all stay up until 10.
I said that doesn’t work, and she told me she’s the parent, and it does work.
And then she said it’s not my place to micromanage the other three. She said, her kids, her house, her rules. And then she exploded, that I could stop being such a control freak because it wasn’t my place to do that, or to have signed up 13M for soccer, or to have repainted the fence, or to have taken 10M to the doctor some weeks ago or any of the things I’ve been doing without asking her.
I told her, it’s also my house, I pay a lot of rent, and they’re basically my kids, because she’s never around, so it’s more my house, my rules if we wanna play that game. I told her she wouldn’t know what works for 10M because she’s too busy to know him.
I told her I might ask for her input if she was ever around, but she never is, so I don’t care how she thinks I should raise these kids, and she doesn’t get to have a say in it. Not anymore.
She broke down crying, called me ungrateful ‘for all that she does,’ said she ‘doesn’t know where she went wrong’ and left the room.
She either went to her room or she left the house, I don’t know and I don’t care. She’s an adult, it’s her life. 13M said I’m a jerk for making her cry, and 15M left the room a minute later, saying he was going to bed. So, am I the jerk for telling my mother off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is horrible to you and those boys. they are going to wake up one day and realize that it was YOU who kept them out of trouble, fed them, clothed them, kept them alive and together, and got them into college or trade school.
They will realize that if it hadn’t been for you stepping up you all would have been dumped into foster care and maybe even split up. Aside from the 10yr, the other two are old enough to know what you’re going through and the realities that if YOU aren’t paying the rent you won’t have a place to live or food to eat, that if anyone finds out your mom isn’t home taking care of you guys then child services might take you all away.
Your mom sucks and she knows it. She skipped out on being a mom a long time ago, she just doesn’t want to have to physically get rid of you all and be called a bad mom. It is easier for her to pretend that she’s a good mom, and she’s working so hard for you than to face reality.
You are amazing for doing all of this at your age. You shouldn’t have to deal with this at all right now. Your mom should be thanking you for stepping up and handling this because she doesn’t want to. That’s why. Because she simply doesn’t want to be bothered to take care of you guys.
You’re doing amazing, you pay the bills, keep food on the table, get those kids to school and soccer, and make sure they still have friends.
I agree with you, your house, your kids, your rules. If she doesn’t like the way you’re raising those kids then she can step up.
Get a better job, come home and take care of the kids, and let you live your life instead of paying the bills. If she isn’t going to do any of that and actually parent those kids, then she needs to step back and get out of your business and let you handle things, because you’re all clearly doing just fine without her.
Again, you’re all doing just fine without her. So ignore her and give the boys the truth if you want but keep doing what you’re doing. You’re amazing. Hopefully, you can still find a way to go to college and help those boys.” New-Link5725
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were upset and you were harsh but your mom needs to live in reality. Also obviously sending the 10-year-old to bed at 8 is the correct thing. Your mom was just trying to exert authority, probably because she KNOWS she’s not really being a parent and she doesn’t like that, and possibly it makes her full of regret, shame, and resentment.
That’s not your problem though, she’s the adult and it’s her place to try to help you, not undermine you if you have to be the one in charge the majority of the time.
Your siblings probably feel bad because they don’t have the same relationship with your mom that you do and they just want her around.
Also, it doesn’t feel good to see your mom cry. Would a conversation when you aren’t angry have any chance of getting through to her? You could apologize for your bluntness but also explain that you are doing your best and feel like she doesn’t appreciate that.
Also, since you pay for a huge chunk of the family costs why does she have two jobs? Could she not just get a single job? It seems like she’s wasting her time for not enough reward. Especially if the 15-year-old can get a part-time job.
You don’t have to explain to me or anyone else, I’m just wondering if there’s any shot at asking her about changing jobs. Also, I know jobs don’t grow on trees, but seems like maybe one fast food job would be better than whatever she’s doing now.” sarahmegatron
Either way, as the main parental figure, that is up to you. At some point, you might want to start the process of CPS and abandonment if you want to retain legal custody of your siblings when you turn 18. Not cutting your mom out, but making it LEGAL for you to have parental rights-if that is what you want. If you are the legal guardian, she has no say in the matter from a legal standpoint.
9. AITJ For Being Angry That My Husband's Friends Side With Everything He Says?
“It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say people bend over backwards for my husband from his friends to his family. I think on some level he must know it’s happening because it’s so obvious but I don’t think anyone besides me has ever mentioned it to him.
It’s a bit weird but this was the first time it genuinely upset me.
So, I don’t currently work but growing up it was drilled into my head that getting a good education and then a good job was the best way to make sure I would have a secure future.
I got the degree but I only worked for one year after graduation because we moved abroad shortly after getting married and in the beginning the novelty of having someone look after me and not having to stress about money and the future was really nice.
It’s been almost 3 years and I’ve started feeling antsy about not working. I’m also bored and I can feel my brain slowing down because I’m not challenging myself. So, my husband’s friend works in the same industry as I want to go into so I asked him if he knew of any opportunities coming up.
He said no at the time so I moved on and have been looking for my own thing.
My husband knows I want to work but doesn’t think it’s a good idea and thinks this feeling will pass. We’ve had a few conversations about it and it’s not like he’s said I can’t work but he doesn’t think it’s the solution here.
Anyway, the friend brought it up yesterday to my husband in front of friends and they dogpiled on me about how it was such a bad idea because that’s what my husband originally said. I was upset. Like I wanted to cry but also yell at them because I knew they were only saying it because they thought it was what my husband wanted to hear.
He noticed I was upset so he changed his stance (not completely but enough) and they all suddenly didn’t think it was the worst thing ever anymore, which made me angrier.
Once we were home I snapped at him that people blew smoke at his butt.
I could see he was upset so when he asked me what I said I originally said nothing because I didn’t actually want to fight with him but he wouldn’t drop it so I repeated it. He’s in heavy denial and he even said he thought they were agreeing with him because he was right which is complete nonsense.
Now he’s upset with me and I would apologize but I know I’m right and I don’t believe for a second he doesn’t have enough self-awareness to know people act like that around him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So, he’s not actively preventing you from getting a job, he backed you up when his friends ganged up on you, and what you’re held up on is people blowing smoke up his butt?
YTJ. You don’t need his permission to work, nor does he need to handhold you. You don’t state he told his friends to do this, so I’m not going to insinuate that like the vast majority of other commenters. I’m curious if you’d have married him if he weren’t wealthy, but either way, the judgment stands.
Your husband backing you up in front of his friends is not the occasion to be going at him for being liked. I’d love to have heard his side of this…” Early_Elk7754
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight, they all agreed with him, then when he flipped after seeing you were upset, they all flipped too?
Those aren’t friends, those are brown-nosers. A true friend requires convincing; because they don’t blow any way the wind does. And if it happens again, ask them if their wives work. And do you have any friends? Or is removing you from society part of moving abroad?
NTJ. Not only is it detrimental to your relationship to have your husband listening to his yesmen, but it’s also bad for him to surround himself with people who won’t tell him he’s wrong.” TooCool_TooFool
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ because you clearly have misplaced guilt about the fact that you aren’t working and feel like you should be.
‘It was drilled in my head.’ This, to me, says that a big part of your self-worth comes from accomplishment and personal achievement. And that’s fine generally speaking, but it seems like you’re letting the fact that you aren’t working have an undue impact on you because of it.
I’m going to go a step further – I think the reason you snapped on your husband even after he DID support you when the ‘dogpiling’ began (vague), isn’t that you resent that his friends ‘blow smoke up his butt’ but because you think, if he wanted to, your husband could leverage that and get this friend to get you a job.” AcidScarab
8. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Wear A Different Dress To My Dad's Birthday Party?
“My wife Sasha and I have been married for 2 years now. We’ve never had issues or arguments until now.
Some necessary background — I come from a wealthier family, who always had an ‘upper-class’ mindset to everything, whereas Sasha’s had more of a financially difficult upbringing.
Nevertheless, this has never seemed to be an issue until now. Every year, my father does a big thing for his birthday, which includes renting out a yacht and inviting basically everyone he knows. Sasha and I hadn’t gone last year since we were out of town, but this will be her first year attending.
When I was going over the gifts we would be bringing and what we would need to wear, Sasha said I didn’t need to bother picking her outfit, as she would be wearing a dress that was ‘special’ to her. This dress is honestly hideous, and couldn’t have cost her more than $20, but she’s insistent on wearing it since apparently, her father (who died 6 years ago) bought it for her, and she’s been waiting for the ‘perfect occasion’ to wear it, and for some reason thinks my dad’s luxurious party is a good time.
Now as I said before, my family is on the wealthier side. They already had been hesitant about my and Sasha’s marriage, as I was basically with someone with no class or status whatsoever, so I already had to work extra hard to make sure it seemed she belonged on my side of the family.
At first, I asked her politely to wear a different dress, but when it seemed she wouldn’t budge, my irritation overtook me and I blew up at her, basically telling her that the dress was unacceptable in every situation possible and that my family would never take her seriously in some Goodwill-looking trash.
I guess this struck a nerve because she stormed off to her sister’s house and hasn’t been back since. I have no idea what to do here. I’ve been thinking I might just go to the party alone and save myself the embarrassment and hassle, but I’m not too sure if I was harsh on Sasha.
The party’s in a couple of days, and she won’t answer my calls.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How on earth did you think that this was okay? You hurt your wife by insulting the dress, her life, her father, her taste, and her class.
You said you married beneath you, but I don’t think that is true. WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR FAMILY? Your wife is your family now. You should care about what she wants, and how she feels.
I don’t know what your way of asking politely is, but I think you could have done better.
She felt beautiful and loved the dress that she picked. You could have possibly said, ‘I love you in that dress, and I know that you love it, but I don’t think it is right for this occasion. Do you think we could shop for a new dress for you, I will take you on a night out that is dressy and you can wear this dress?’ I mean, you could have done anything to make this better, and you blew up your marriage over a dress.” JGalKnit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you know you are. She might not know conventions like what to wear at a yacht party, so you should let her know that she will be ‘making a statement’ or that ‘the dress is going to stick out’. Once she knows that, she is free to do whatever she wants.
She IS from a different background than you. If she were African and wanted to wear something Nigerian, if she were Muslim and wanted to wear something conservative, or if she were from a different socio-economic background that made her tastes different than yours, you need to stop centering yourself and your family as aspirational. You are just different.
And you are choosing to marry someone different. And by choosing to marry somebody different, you have to be okay with the fact that she will dress and act differently.
If you want someone that will blend into your family, then you need to marry someone that blends into your family.
But your family is not better than hers. They just have more money than hers. I’d go so far as to say… your family doesn’t sound very great. And the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. This is kinda a classic ‘I got with her because she was fun and different and now I want to change her into someone boring and conventional.'” Appropriate_Buyer401
7. AITJ For Being Upset At My Partner For Crashing My Business Dinner?
“My partner and I have been together for about 8 months and since then there have been multiple occasions where I have ended up feeling frustrated due to this kind of behavior.
Context – We work in the same industry so this makes a lot of my meetings and connections desirable for her.
Most recently I had an important meeting with a potential new agent. It was my second meeting and he was coming to meet at our house for a chat then we (me and the agent) planned to go out to dinner. My partner came home during the meeting, said hello, and then pulled up a chair and said ‘I’m so hungry, what are you both up to, are you going for dinner?’ This threw me a bit, I was a bit lost for words, and after a bit of awkwardness, the agent said we should all go for dinner.
At the dinner, she spoke about herself, exaggerated a few things to look more impressive, made it clear she was agentless, and would randomly bring up that she did great work today, etc. I will say she comes across as very lovely and sweet so, of course, the agent ended up being interested in her, when we were leaving he wanted to meet up with her in NY (at dinner she said ‘I’m in NY next month’ despite it not actually being confirmed) and then it became awkward as she had to admit the NY trip didn’t have dates yet and wasn’t 100%.
When we got back home I just said that something didn’t feel right, and I didn’t expect her to come home and do that. She got upset and defensive, and would say things like ‘I just won’t talk to anyone in the future’ which feels a little manipulative.”
Another User Comments:
“She’s absolutely using you for your contacts. I‘d play a game with this, call it a ‘trust confirmation’ or test if you will. Set up a different agent (fake or mate) to come by and do similar… and see how she behaves.
If she pulls this crap again, dump her. But it sounds like you are in the entertainment industry – I assume there are different rules and expectations in this than the norm – so I might be wrong in this. If you are in the entertainment industry is she competing with you for roles?
I’m not suggesting you openly give her your address book, but maybe her ‘threat level’ isn’t that high? Never the jerk (NTJ) for calling her on her manipulative crap. That’s what that was.” Particular-Try5584
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s not social climbing, it is networking but she is jeopardizing your career to promote her own.
She put you and your agent in a really bad place. Her coming with you is an implicit recommendation by you of her and she wasn’t prepared enough so made you both look bad. I’d stress the boundary that personal life and business life are separate and she doesn’t get to muscle in on your work meetings without explicit permission.
If she walks, then you know what your worth was to her.” Timely_Egg_6827
6. AITJ For Not Trying To Hide My Pregnancy?
“I (20F) am pregnant and my significant other (23M) is the father. He comes from a rather conservative Jewish community although he isn’t practicing himself. My family is also pretty conservative but not as much as his.
Although this is MUCH earlier than I ever planned on becoming a mother, I’ve decided to take it on the chin and go through with having the child. My SO and I already live together and are extremely stable relationship-wise, and he works a full-time job.
I’m not an influencer by any means but I like to post on my social media. I posted a small baby announcement a few days ago which is the point of contention.
Since my SO’s mother and my father are such good friends, we decided to inform them together that we were expecting.
Neither of us is close to our other parent.
Neither of them took it well, mainly because we were not married. I get it because they’re both religious and have communities to look good to but at the very least they could be happy for us.
My SO’s mother was particularly unhappy as because I’m not Jewish, there will be some issues regarding our child’s religiousness (is that even a word) as Judaism is matrilineal. She hasn’t accepted that her son doesn’t practice anymore either.
She asked me if I could keep quiet about the baby until she told her family because she needed to ‘break the news’.
I agreed until I realized she meant that I couldn’t even appear to be pregnant in public. She saw me in the maternity aisle in our local supermarket and scolded me because ‘what if someone sees’.
My SO told me to ignore her and to post whatever I wanted, hence the baby announcement.
His cousin who follows me on Instagram spread it through their family and I received a very angry call from her telling me that I’ve made her look bad. My SO has also been getting calls scolding him for being ‘irresponsible’ (ouch) and so have I been but to a lesser degree.
My SO’s mother is demanding I apologize and placate the family instead of her doing it since I sprung this baby announcement on them. I don’t think I was wrong but now I’m not so sure. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Evidently NTJ. Your SO’s mother might have issues with the situation, but she’s making things considerably worse with her attitude.
There is no amount of wishful thinking on her part that will make this pregnancy not happen.
‘She asked me if I could keep quiet about the baby until she told her family because she needed to ‘break the news’. I agreed until I realized she meant that I couldn’t even appear to be pregnant in public.
She saw me in the maternity aisle in our local supermarket and scolded me because ‘what if someone sees.’’
Ok but why has she not ‘broken the news’ yet? It’s not gonna get any easier over the next few months to hide it. This sounds like a way to force you into hiding this pregnancy because she can always say that there’s someone she hasn’t told yet.” ladyteruki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t get over the fact that she really expected you to not even appear pregnant in public. Like how would that even work? I think your SO’s mom is going overboard with that. She is really scolding your SO and saying YOU should apologize?
I would tell her absolutely not. She would not get any apology from me. She said you ‘sprung’ the announcement on them, actually, you simply posted it on your social media. If anyone ‘sprung’ the announcement it was the cousin for just telling everyone. (not that she is wrong for it) NO offense to your SO’s mom, I just think she was being a little extra because it wasn’t anything tragic so why did she say she had to ‘break the news’?
Yea NTJ 100%.” Humble_Coyote_5100
5. AITJ For Moving My Significant Other While He's Asleep?
“Over the weekend my significant other (22M) and I (24M) went to a friend’s house for a small Easter get-together thing with a few friends. We had drinks and my SO got really wasted, he doesn’t drink often and is a lightweight. We were already planning on staying overnight as our friend opened her home so that people could drink and not have to worry.
One of the people there is my SO’s ex (David). We are cordial but definitely not friends mostly due to him. He doesn’t care for me and I know he still has feelings for my SO. But we try to work it out for the sake of the ‘friend group’.
It was around maybe 11ish when my SO said he needed to lay down, he was really wasted at that point so I set up our floor pallet in the living room and got him laid down for the night. I was still having a good time so decided to stay up with everyone else in the kitchen.
About 10 minutes later with zero announcement or anything, David got up from the kitchen and went to the living room to lay down on the pallet right next to my SO. I gave my friends a look but they kind of dismissed it and said he’s fine.
I just felt weird about this. I stayed up for another hour or so and went to lie down. When I did I moved my SO over and I laid down in between him and David. David got up and was like WHAT?! and when my SO and I went to leave the next morning a few of the other people there acted weird about what I did.
Basically insinuating that I think David is some sort of creep. I do kind of feel bad about it but I never said anything bad about this person. I wasn’t even expecting him to share the pallet with us so the situation threw me off guard.
I also feel like my friends are over-exaggerating as my SO wasn’t upset. He said it’s not a big deal that I did that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The person you moved was your SO who doesn’t have a problem with it. And honestly, what’s with the ex getting into the same sleeping spot as your passed-out SO?
That would be an absolute NO for me too. And you didn’t make a big deal, didn’t make him move or say anything, you just got in between them. It is creepy to cuddle up to an asleep person (especially an ex) without their knowledge/consent.
If they feel you going in between them alluded to that being creepy, well… Hindsight he should have found somewhere else to sleep, obviously you were going to sleep next to your SO on the bed you set up… Common sense.” cocopuffscocopuffs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having regular contact with your SO’s ex, especially when it is known that he still has feelings, is a very bad situation already. Not something you can influence a lot, but definitely something your SO should be more consequential about. The fact that your SO’s ex is behaving so aggressively makes this a lot worse.
Lying down next to your SO was a pretty clear move, and definitely disrespecting boundaries.
The fact that YOU were the one people acted weird towards only shows that they’re not accepting you, or more precisely your relationship, at all. Under these circumstances, even if that’s hard, you and your SO should drastically reduce contact with these people.
You’re not really welcome there and there are very good reasons there for you to be uncomfortable. That should be reason enough for your SO to stay away as well if he is serious about your relationship. NTJ.” Grayscale8350
4. AITJ For Being Disappointed About My Partner Not Being Invited To My Cousin's Wedding?
“My cousin (28F) and I (26F) are incredibly close, practically like sisters.
We’ve shared everything from childhood memories to discussing our love lives. I’ve always been there for her, offering a shoulder to cry on whenever a guy broke her heart. She is getting married this DECEMBER. In my country, everyone pays for their own seat at the table.
I’ve been in a committed relationship with my partner for four years, and we’re eagerly planning our own future together, including getting married.
Despite our close bond, my cousin has never met my partner in person, only through video calls. I’ve extended invitations for her to visit and meet him numerous times, but due to her busy schedule, she’s never been able to make it.
Conversely, I’ve made the effort to travel to her city and meet her partner. We were eagerly anticipating the moment when they would finally meet at her wedding, and we had even discussed it during our last conversation. We had dreams of traveling the world together, making plans, and continuing to be the inseparable duo (now four) we’ve always been.
However, my excitement was abruptly shattered when my mom received a call from my aunt (my cousin’s mom) delivering unexpected news. They had decided not to invite significant others of family members to the wedding due to budget constraints, while still allowing the partners of her friends to attend.
This decision felt like a slap in the face, particularly after all the anticipation we had shared about her and her partner finally meeting mine at her wedding. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this decision was made to avoid upsetting her friends, some of whom had let her down multiple times in the past, and that they take me for granted.
The news left me feeling devastated. It wasn’t just about not being invited anymore; it felt like I had lost a piece of my family. All the plans we had made together suddenly evaporated. While my partner wasn’t angry, he understandably questioned the value of investing in future vacations with someone who hadn’t even invited him to their wedding.
Additionally, it hurt even more that my cousin didn’t have the courage to tell me herself; instead, she had her mom relay the message to me.
When I expressed my disappointment, some family members, particularly uncles and aunts, accused me of ruining my cousin’s wedding day by speaking up.
They argued that it was her day, and she had the right to do as she pleased. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal. While I understood weddings are expensive, my partner had even offered to pay for his seat, as is customary in our country.
So, AITJ for speaking up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly you have not ruined anything. Weddings are tricky and for whatever reason this is the decision your cousin and her partner have made, whether you agree with it or not. They are perfectly entitled to invite whomever they wish, and in the same breath, you are perfectly entitled to decide not to go.
The invite is that, an invite. I think it is the way that your cousin handled the situation that probably hurts more than the sucky situation itself, and that is completely understandable. However, I would say that you should have initially spoken to your cousin rather than raising this immediately with other family members.” wahkens
Another User Comments:
“Your family is right, it is her day and she gets to do what she wants… but it’s also an invitation and not a command so you get to choose if you don’t want to attend without your SO. Your cousin was especially unkind to not relay this to you herself.
You are her cousin and will be part of her social life for the rest of your life. Her friends and their partners could wane over the next years so her choosing them over you is even more hurtful. I would write a note to your cousin and calmly explain what you’ve explained here, hard to speak so easier to write it.
Definitely NTJ.” SadFlatworm1436
3. AITJ For Calling My Parents Losers?
“When I was born my mom had just received an offer from her current company to move abroad for a really handsome amount of money. My dad was poor and wasn’t doing particularly well in life. He couldn’t bear to see her earning more than him so, he went and complained to my grandparents.
Then, my grandparents told her that they’d take care of me if she decided to accept.
My mom made the decision to stay here. I never really saw her until I was in 5th grade, my grandparents took me away from them for obvious reasons.
I never really felt the presence of my family, my grandparents have done everything for me from raising me to paying for everything I ever needed in life.
My dad used to hesitate to buy me even a pen. My dad lost his job and now they barely make enough to eat every month, I live very lavishly thanks to my grandparents, they did very well for themselves.
I stopped my grandfather from helping them out financially as I was in complete control of their finances and my parents eventually found out.
My dad scolded my mom and she confronted me about it. I just told her that if she accepted that offer, she could’ve raised me with her own pride and that I wasn’t going to let a bunch of losers take my grandfather’s hard-earned money.
Completely fractured me from them. A lot of relatives came over asking me to apologize. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“The fact that you’re here suggests that you already regret calling them losers. But your parents did lack foresight, letting fragile egos guide their decisions instead.
It’s pretty childish and even more unmanly for a man to complain to his wife’s parents that his wife makes more money than he does as if they can do anything to change the situation. And now your own parents are mad at you for looking out for the real parents who raised you, provided for you, and looked after your own well-being.
Older people require more medical care, so you’re just making sure your grandparents don’t end up depending on anyone else. Your own parents are adults and they need to get their act together. Perhaps what you can do is set an income limit to cover their basic needs and just supplement it when they fall short of that limit.
Food stamps and unemployment should be an option for them also and should be factored into their basic income.” beet3637
Another User Comments:
“So… your mom is in an abusive relationship she can’t get out of due to cultural reasons. You made your dad angry, leading to your mom suffering more abuse.
She confronts you and you tell her it’s her own fault for being a woman in your culture and being stuck? But thank god her parents, who ‘regret’ everything are spending all their money on you instead of helping the woman they sacrificed? Yeah… There are plenty of jerks, but not your mom.
Everyone sucks here.” issy_haatin
2. AITJ For Wanting My Son To Pay Back Everything He Spent On His Online "Partner"?
“I (45M) have a son (16M) who loves to play video games.
I purchased him a PlayStation 5 for his birthday last year and he plays online with friends. He’s been telling me that he has been chatting online with a girl (15F) and they have slowly started getting closer. They don’t talk over the microphone as hers broke and he has no idea what she looks like.
I told him to be careful about what he sends her and to not give her any personal information.
My son has his own credit card with a limit on it and I told him to not go over the limit and only use it for emergencies.
I got the credit card bill for this month and there were charges repeatedly for the game he plays in charges of $50-100. I was furious as he got gift cards for the games for his birthday and Christmas. I approached him with the bill and asked him what the charges were.
He told me that his significant other wanted new stuff for the game and would break up with him if he didn’t purchase them.
I told him that I would pay the charges and that he would have to pay me back the money. I told him that there were many jobs that would hire him.
He got angry with me that he wouldn’t have time to work as he plays sports and school. I told him that if I was able to balance working and school, he would have no problem doing it. I took his credit card away.
He’s not speaking to me now only if it’s in regards to being picked up or needing a ride to see his friends.
He’s mad that I’m making him pay the money back and get a job.
AITJ for telling my son to pay back the money he spent on his online partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve tried discussing the dangers of being scammed/catfished. Reopen that discussion; this is definitely a teachable moment.
However, he needs an actual consequence to hit the point home, and I agree that holding him liable for the funds he elected to give this stranger is a smart choice. This also reinforces that this CC is to be used for emergencies only, in case he was ever feeling froggy in the future.” prismaticintellect
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but because you’re focusing on the wrong thing here. And with your punishment, you’re making this into a forbidden romance. You could be teaching your son about how to safely talk to people online. Also, you could be teaching him about what a healthy relationship looks like.
Instead, you’re prioritizing money, which is exactly what his online ‘partner’ is doing. You think you can ban him from talking to her? He’ll just do it at school, at a library, at his friend’s house. You can forbid him, but it won’t work. ‘Son, I love you, and if you needed something, I would give it to you.
I love your mom, and I would give her her anything she asked for. But how often does your mom demand I buy her X, Y, and Z? When’s the last time you heard her say, ‘If you don’t give me a Dior purse, I’m going to divorce you!’?’ You could have used this as an opportunity to teach him that loving relationships shouldn’t consist of threats and demands of money.
Your approach has practically guaranteed that not only is he going to resent you for sabotaging his ‘relationship,’ but that he will continue this relationship (or a similar one) in the future.” NotSoAverage_sister
1. AITJ For Pointing Out My Parents' Favoritism During Family Dinner?
“I (F 17) have a younger sister, Emily (F 16). Even though they don’t say it explicitly, Emily is clearly my parents’ favorite child. I can understand why they’re proud of Emily: she is a straight-A student, has the lead roles in student theatre, swims competitively, is popular at school, and is very, very good-looking.
I, on the other hand, am probably more plain. I work hard at school, but am not as outgoing or intelligent as Emily, and don’t excel at any extracurriculars like she does.
My parents always celebrate Emily; we have certificates of her work on the fridge, always have outings and meals to commemorate her achievements, and attend all her swim events and plays.
I know my parents love me, but I don’t get close to the level of attention, even when I work hard.
The other night, we went out with my parents, uncle, aunt, and cousins. We’d just been to one of Emily’s shows, and she recently got accepted into a summer program she wanted to complete.
The whole meal revolved around discussing Emily and how proud everyone was of her accomplishments. I don’t think I was mentioned once.
I’m usually more reserved or just bite my tongue but midway through the meal I shouted out ‘Maybe if you paid more attention to me and not just your golden child, you’d have more things to celebrate’.
Everyone just went silent and my mom said we’d discuss this when we got home and not to ruin the meal. Emily looked shocked and close to crying. To say the rest of the meal was awkward would be putting it lightly.
When we got home, my parents shouted at me for embarrassing them and said that Emily deserved to be celebrated and that if I did something that merited celebration, I would receive the same treatment.
I said how unfair this was and nothing I do gets recognized regardless. Emily joined in and said she works hard and deserves to be recognized for that and as the older sister, I should grow up and actually work for once if I want her success.
I haven’t spoken to Emily since then and my parents are still annoyed at me for ruining the meal.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but honestly feel like people are being way too harsh on you here, OP. You know what you did was wrong, especially the timing.
Not every child has special skills and perfect grades, and yet other parents find a way to celebrate. You are being unfairly compared to your sister. That sucks. You are 17 – so of course, you react. That doesn’t make you a brat or justify judging you like this.
Apologize to your sister, focus on finding something you love to do, and accept that your parents are likely never going to really see you. I know, I know. This is the internet, so tons of therapy and healthy communication, etc but the sooner you learn to adjust expectations when people show you their character the better.
You can readjust if they change.” HeidiRSDK
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You chose a moment that was specifically about Emily to unload your anger. You also blamed your sister for being who she is. I’m the quiet one in my family and my brother is the social one.
The main reason he received more attention was because he was more social than me. Apologize to your sister. Let her know you love her and you are very proud of her, you’re just feeling very undervalued (does not excuse your behavior). Then apologize to your parents for choosing a family dinner to tell them.
Then talk to them about how you feel like they love Emily more because of all her achievements. It’s completely okay to not be just like Emily. Come up with some ways they can make you feel special without ignoring your sister. Both of you are important.
Just in different ways.” BookDragon1108
Another User Comments:
“This one is a tough one for me. Personally, I’m not the golden child but I am the one with the accomplishments. It doesn’t seem like this is about not being celebrated for when you have accomplishments as much as it is you lashing out at the prolonged observable disparity of treatment by your parents.
Maybe you would have had more accomplishments if you were treated as well as your sister. And before anyone says that it might now be true, kids don’t just feel like that out of nowhere. It would also make sense for you to lash out while other people could see because you knew the reaction would be lessened and they would be forced to take action if they were embarrassed.
I’m going to say everyone sucks here except your sister. Your parents are jerks for letting this disparity go on and letting this resentment build up. And though I understand why you would bring this up during this time, it’s not fair to your sister to ruin her time.
Your anger is at your parents and it’s not your sister’s fault.” DoubleRah
