People Want To Find Out Our Judgment On Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Going Off At My Creepy Coworker?
“A coworker started to develop some sort of feelings a month into knowing me.
Let’s call him Gray. It may not be something too deep so I was flattered. I let him know I wasn’t interested since I just got out of a long relationship.
A month after this rejection Gray asked me to be his SO.
Again, I rejected it. He said it was cool, but he’d appreciate it if I didn’t cut him off. I didn’t, as he was a nice friend to have. I had to reiterate to him more than once after this that there is no chance I’m reciprocating the feelings at all.
One day one of my closer coworkers let me know that Gray would ask her what my plans for the day were, and if I had any he’d ask where I’d be going and who I’d be with.
He’d also ask her if I was hanging around any other male coworkers.
One time when we were out for a lunch with the team, our boss gave us the rest of the day off. that meant we’d be free to go home or hang out after lunch.
I told everyone I’d be off home as I was too tired. He offered to bring me home and I declined. He snapped and started almost begging to bring me home but I just kept declining. He then said fine let me book you a taxi home and proceeded to type my address correctly when I know for a fact I never gave him my address.
I was majorly uncomfortable at this point.
He’s done weirder things over the past year – stalking my family on social media, memorizing usernames of my close friends on IG, he even found an old Twitter acc I wasn’t using anymore, shipping products he bought online directly to my address, and even got on a taxi and followed mine home.
When I confronted him about it he said he just wanted to make sure I was safe.
Last week while preparing to go home it started to rain so he insisted to bring me home on his motorcycle.
He followed me around the office just going ‘please let me bring you home’. We were around other coworkers but I snapped at him and told him to screw off and leave me alone in a rather high voice.
a coworker (who was aware of the stories I told above) overheard and told me I didn’t have to react that way. I talked to a (non-coworker) friend about it and he told me this might be gray’s way of ‘winning me over’.
Now I’m worried that I’m just viewing him as annoying and stalker-ish because I didn’t reciprocate the feelings and went off on him when he was being kind. AITJ?
UPDATE: I’ve told my coworker (the one he asked about my plans) if she would support me in bringing this to HR but turns out she’s already kinda tipped them off on his behavior (by this I mean she’s mentioned it vaguely to a friend from HR because she didn’t want to get ahead of me and HR said the complaint had to come from me for them to be able to do something about it) and would be supporting me in filing a complaint.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’d also say report him to HR. Stay away from him.
He thinks he’s Superman. See what he has on? That’s not a cape. That’s a frigging red flag.
Also, eff that dumb coworker who told you to not react that way.
They obviously don’t understand/care about your situation if they know the stories and expect you to always be calm. Majorly annoyed at that scene extra.
Anyways, report him. Tell your family about him so they can be aware and beware of him and his presence.
Get a dog, if you don’t have one. Keep some self-defense stuff. This could escalate as time goes by.
DO NOT GIVE HIM A CHANCE.” Flashy_Celebration78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is actual stalker behavior and it’s reached a level where you would be within your rights to talk to your boss or the police about it.
Following you home is completely unacceptable and grounds for a restraining order in some jurisdictions.
I’m sure he thinks he’s ‘winning you over’ but that doesn’t make it OK. This is way over the line, not just some awkward workplace flirting.” Hairy_Dirt3361
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are in a very dangerous situation. You need to make HR aware and start documenting these instances so you have evidence to take to the police. This is going to get much worse before it gets better.
You have a stalker who is escalating. He will eventually become violent. This is not some harmless crush, and no one should be treating it that way.
Seriously, involve HR. Involve the cops. Make all of your coworkers aware of what’s going on.
You need to take action on this immediately. Right now he is in the fantasy stage where he is delusional enough to believe that you two are meant to be if he can just convince you of it.
Once he moves out of that, which it sounds like he is moving into obsession, he will begin to get angry. Anger is going to lead to increased stalking and more packages (it will become a war of attrition).
And then, he will start doing what he can to actually destroy your life before he gets violent.
People joke about stalkers, but they are not a joke. You are in some serious danger and this will keep escalating.
I wish you nothing but the best, but PLEASE take this seriously.” PaganCHICK720
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Shave My Beard For A Wedding?
“My friends Kara and Tony are getting married tomorrow. I went to college with Kara and got to be buddies with Tony too over the last couple of years they’ve been together so they asked me to be at the wedding.
This AM Tony came to me and told me Kara wants me to shave my beard cause all the other men in the wedding are cleanly shaven and it’ll ‘ruin the photos’. I said no and she FREAKED. Let me clarify, my beard isn’t particularly long and I get it styled by my barber so it’s not uneven or scruffy.
I hate the way I look without a beard since I have a total baby face. I haven’t shaved since college, funny enough Kara is probably the only person I still talk to who’s ever seen me without it.
If I shaved it would take me months to grow it back.
I offered to just not be in the wedding party, but that would mean she’d have to drop a bridesmaid which she doesn’t want to do either.
Now everyone is ganging up on me and saying to just******* up and shave the thing off so she’s happy. I really don’t want to do it and I’m standing my ground.
AITJ?
EDIT: The wedding went forward as planned, you’ll be happy to know my beard is still intact.
Kara was not happy about it but she’ll hopefully get over it.
Beard drama aside, it was a wonderful time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sprung this last minute knowing you wouldn’t want to do it but hoping to manipulate/guilt you into it.
It’s especially ridiculous because of the reasoning: that one person with a beard will ‘ruin’ photos.
Imagine any other ridiculous similar requests: shave your head. Dye your hair neon orange. Not wear eyeglasses. It’s all so trivial and stupid.
Your appearance is your own, and she knows full well what you look like when you were asked to be a part of things.” Stargazer-2893
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they knew you had a beard when they asked you to be at the wedding party.
If they had made the request at that point, you would have said no, and they would have had plenty of time to either find someone else or change bridesmaid numbers (not sure why they would have to have the same amount anyway).
A proper beard takes months to grow, and they want you to shave it off so a couple of pictures in one day – ridiculous. They brought this on themselves. I hope they come to their senses and realize how unreasonable they are being – this could be the end of a friendship if they don’t.” Supernova891
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – say you’ll shave your beard if all the bridesmaids cut their hair short. In all cases, it would take months to re-grow. When they asked you to be at the wedding, they didn’t say it was on the condition that you shaved your beard.
They can’t expect this from you now. They should have said it earlier so could have had time to replace you at the wedding. The bride is being a Bridezilla, thinking pretty photos (in her view) are more important than the people involved. She has her priorities all wrong!” MajorAd2679
17. AITJ For Eating Ice Cream?
“My partner is Michael and my stepson is Grant (10 years).
Tonight we had lasagna and salad for dinner. Grant has a portion of lasagna that was as small as his fist, which is the usual metric we use for his portion sizes to make sure we aren’t giving him more than he can handle.
He took a few bites of salad and literally 2 bites of lasagna, and then said he was full.
Like every kid, we struggle with getting Grant to finish his plate, so over time we’ve tried a lot of different strategies to get him to eat, or to figure out why he doesn’t want to.
He’s 10, not 2, so he’s at an age where he is capable of articulating his feelings, wants, and needs. Sometimes if he doesn’t like food, he will say he is full because he doesn’t want to eat the rest. So we asked him if he was really full, or if he didn’t like the lasagna.
Grant said he was full. We asked if he would like something else, like pizza rolls or a PB&J. Again, he said he was full.
He has a tendency to say he is full, then ask for junk food 20 minutes later.
So when we took his unfinished plate away, we reminded him that since he didn’t finish dinner, he doesn’t get to have dessert or junk snacks, but if he is hungry later, we are happy to make him the food options we listed earlier, or have a healthier snack like a granola bar or veggies and dip.
And if he finished a healthy snack, then we will consider some dessert-type stuff. We don’t want to deny him food if he is hungry, but also don’t want him to load up on sugar closer to bedtime.
We made sure he made eye contact and understood what we were telling him.
It gets to be around 8:30 pm and Michael and Grant are in the living room playing Xbox together, so I slip away to have a couple of bites of ice cream by myself in the kitchen.
Well, Grant got up and came into the kitchen to grab a snack from his snack station (it has granola bars, little bags of chips, fruit snacks, etc.), and he saw me. Immediately asked if he could have some ice cream and when I reminded him of what we discussed earlier, he burst into tears.
Now Michael is saying that I was inconsiderate of Grant’s feelings by ‘waving the ice cream in his face’ and that I should have taken it into our bedroom so he wouldn’t have seen it at all.
If I was the jerk in this, it would be because I ate dessert when Grant wasn’t allowed to have any. But I wasn’t blatant about it, and I am an adult who deserves to eat what I want in my house.
Grant had a long list of options to choose from if he was still hungry, and he understands that dessert is a reward.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sometimes, being a proper parent sucks. Grant knew ice cream wasn’t allowed. Tears are a pretty typical reaction at that age, especially seeing ice cream when you aren’t allowed ice cream situation.
Also, your husband is the jerk. You were in another room enjoying dessert. Kids just e****g know when junk food comes out and they find it. I could almost guarantee, if you had gone to your bedroom he would have found you there.
Blaming you for a 10-year-old crying when he realized there was ice cream he couldn’t have is ridiculous.” Senior-Term-635
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The child’s reaction was unfortunate, but you and your husband shouldn’t have to hide your food.
The offer remains the same: eat your dinner, or something healthy, and you can have dessert. Until then, no dessert.
Grant is in what… 4th grade? 5th grade? He’s old enough to understand this.
I wonder if the presence of the snack station is part of the problem.
Knowing he can ‘graze’ junk food any time he wants isn’t going to help with the dinner situation.” RickRussellTX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s 10, he’s more than old enough to understand that not finishing dinner means a loss of dessert and junk food later especially when it’s clearly spelled out to him.
That’s something that should be settled by age 5. And crying about it is really immature for his age. He’s 10, and that’s more than old enough to understand no and the consequences of one’s choices without throwing a tantrum.
I don’t see the problem with eating it in front of the kid, if anything, I’d argue it’s a positive. I had siblings growing up and seeing the entire rest of the family enjoying dessert while you didn’t get to reinforce the lesson.
It’s not like you were taunting him, you went to a different room to eat it.
Your partner absolutely should have backed you up about this instead of telling you to eat it in hiding (p.s.
don’t teach kids that eating in the bedroom is OK). Kids learn from consistency between authority figures. Even worse, he rewarded his son’s tantrum and, by extension, his unfinished meal by reprimanding you. What message is he trying to teach the kid?
He needs to put on his parental pants and stop trying to be the friend parent/good guy by making you the bad guy parent. It’s disrespectful to you and will foster resentment from your kid towards you.
You both agreed to the rules, he needs to back you up when they’re enforced.” ElonDiddlesKids
16. AITJ For Wearing A Romper At A Wedding?
“I (16 genderfluid) was recently at a close relative’s wedding with my family (just guests, not as part of the bridal party or anything).
The dress code the bride told us (and that was on the invite) was that women wore dresses and men had to wear something similarly formal e.g. a suit.
I am assigned female at birth (AFAB) so was told I would have to wear a dress.
I don’t identify as a woman, however, so I wasn’t comfortable with this and asked for a potential compromise on my outfit. She insisted that I wore a dress.
Cut to when my family was ordering their wedding clothes/figuring out their outfits.
My parents asked if I had found anything suitable and I sent them a link to a romper that looks very much like a dress at first glance, it’s genuinely not noticeable unless you look closely that the bottom part is not a skirt.
We got the romper, it arrives and everything is fine. I wore it to the wedding and for the first part, everything seems ok until I am pulled along too hard by a kid and ended up tripping and falling face first, sprawled out on the floor.
As everyone nearby gathers around to see what happened, the bride notices that the bottom part of my outfit is shorts and not a skirt, and loses her mind and starts screaming at me that she made it clear I needed to wear a dress and that I was being selfish by going against her wishes on her special day.
I’m pretty sensitive and also hate loud noise as I’m autistic, so I start crying because the mix of pain from scraping my leg and her loud voice yelling is enough to overstimulate me pretty badly. My cousin leads me away to treat my wound, the bride stalks off still fuming, and won’t speak to us for the rest of the night until we eventually leave at the end of the wedding.
I was reassured by some members of my family that I didn’t do anything wrong, but I’m still super hung up over it and wondering if it was bad of me to wear that.
I’m happy to provide a link to my outfit if anyone wants to see it to gauge for themselves.
Edit: not attending wasn’t really an option. She was marrying a close family member and we were pretty much expected to be there. My parents said that I needed to come as well.
This is the most feminine item I own by far, and the discomfort is mainly subconscious with dysphoria and all, and being forced into a gender binary when that’s not who I am.
Plus, I enjoy the security of not worrying if my skirt will fly up in the wind. I would’ve much preferred a pantsuit or something but knew that wouldn’t go so this was the closest thing to fitting the dress code I could find.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the best compromise you could, which is a romper. As someone who does identify as a woman, but doesn’t like dresses, it totally makes sense that you did the best with what you had.
Honestly the fact you found a romper that looks like a dress was very cool.
It’s kind of weird that the bride was so hung up on you having to wear a dress. But your family also lets you get the romper.
So if your family is on your side, then you aren’t the jerk. I’m sorry this happened, friend.” Ill-Task276
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, The bride sounds insufferable. You wore a romper. Big deal. It’s not like you wore a white gown.
Any bride who thinks she should get to dictate exactly what every guest wears down to the cut of the outfit is a bridezilla. Had she kept her mouth shut, everything would’ve been fine but instead, she decided to have a meltdown and ruin her own wedding.
Her unhinged behavior is not your fault.” cbm984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dictating exactly what people wear is closer to a uniform policy, not a standard wedding dress code. Since the romper passed as a dress at first glance it should not be an issue.
Modern dress codes should be making room for non-binary identities. Give her time – people get stressed and crazy when it comes to weddings. I hope she realizes she was overreacting.” seadecay
15. AITJ For Not Approving Of My Husband's Planned Disco Party?
“My husband told me that he wants to run a disco-themed party from 10 am Friday morning until 4 pm Saturday afternoon in our house and people have to pay for invites to come, he said he’d be getting a good Spotify/Alexa/YouTube playlist and bulk-buying food, be it Pringles, Lay’s, WISE chips, M&M’s, Skittles, cakes, nachos, burritos, etc. and it’d be a great idea.
He said all the money raised would be split 50:50 between a local Down’s Syndrome charity and an autism charity in the area.
I told him there and then this was NOT acceptable in our house and that if he wanted to do it, why not hire a venue like a warehouse or Airbnb apartment?
But he insisted, it was a house party and said his dad did this in their house when my husband was about 11 years old and that his dad ad had locals attending and the money was donated to a cancer charity back then and he felt he had to copy this; his dad raised $5,000 back then in 1995.
I feel very hinky about the idea, but he’s insistent we try it.
I’m a mom to a 13-year-old autistic daughter who’d feel frightened if she saw this as she’s not used to big parties.
I’ve told him no, again and again, but AITJ here for telling him no house parties?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s your house too. He can’t just decide this without your input and expect you to just be okay. You have a daughter that you need to think about.
If he really wants to help raise money for charity by doing this disco party he can do it somewhere else.
He’s being unreasonable and irresponsible wanting random people in your house around your 13-year-old autistic daughter.” Artistic_Accident_79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to think not only about the emotional well-being of his daughter being frightened about massive amounts of unknown people in her safe home but also about the people who do buy tickets to themed events at a private home and scope it out for a house robbery.
Yes, that’s a thing that has occurred. Your suggestions of renting a venue for this type of ‘over 24 hours of disco party’ will surely violate the noise ordinance rules enacted by your city.
Usually, by 10 pm the noise ordinance kicks in.
Also, where is everybody supposed to park? If he wants to raise $5,000 how much are the tickets? $10 each or $100 each? If it’s $100 that’s 50 people in your home. You got room for that? If it’s $25 a person that’s 200 people.
You have enough toilets for that? Also, if someone gets hurt at the party do you have an umbrella policy of a million dollars to cover accidents? Bring up these points to your husband. I hope he realizes it would be safer for your daughter and less of a liability insurance-wise to host this at a party venue.” Prudent_Valuable603
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and who will clean after all those people? And I guess he plans to serve booze? So 30 hours of drinking… Doesn’t he think your neighbors will call the police at one point when it is night and this thing was going on since 10 am – the wasted people will get loud, puke, and pee everywhere.
And who should you and your daughter stay with? He wants to raise money but cares what he does to you and his own daughter. The many people and 30 hours of non-stop noise will cause so much damage.
I’m 41 and autistic and just the thought that this happens in my house causes me to panic. And what about all the damage those people cause?
He has a clouded nostalgic idea because his dad did this in 1995.
But that was nearly 30 years ago! Times change. The behavior of people changes. And I bet if he talks about his mother and how she thinks about what his dad did, he will her ‘we nearly divorced because of this nonsense!’.” EvilFinch
14. AITJ For Quiet Quitting?
“I (F30) am a registered nurse associate (RNA) on a busy ward with acutely unwell patients that are admitted straight from A&E.
When I first qualified about 6 months ago I would do my job and I’d do it well. I have always been a team player and if I do say so myself, a bit of a pushover, doing things that were asked of me that weren’t necessarily my responsibility.
Every shift when I’d finished my own tasks, l would often help in other teams that were busier than mine. I know how stressful and overwhelming it can be when you’ve got seriously poorly patients.
About 2 months ago I was working a day shift with another RNA and a ward Sister. My team was so busy that I barely made it through the day without a breakdown. I had 3 admissions within the space of an hour.
One patient who’d had a stroke and was unresponsive, one had seizures and aspirated vomit, and a breathless patient was struggling to breathe. While I was running around struggling, the other RNA sat at her meds trolly on the computer the whole day.
I’m not even exaggerating, she sat there all day, and she had no patient movement at all in her team and no poor patients. She didn’t once offer me any help.
On another occasion I had a patient admitted riddled with pressure ulcers to the point where I didn’t know what I was looking at and how to document them.
I went to ask the 2 senior RNs sitting at the nurse’s station for their help and they both fully ignored me. When I asked again they said they were busy. These are 2 of the nurses that normally take charge of the ward, who often go without breaks.
I normally take it upon myself to do their admission paperwork for new patients so they can go get a break. anyway, to cut a long story short I feel like I’m always helping others but not getting the same in return.
These are just 2 of the many things that have made me want to quiet quit, or at some points, just plain quit.
Last night I had a nice quiet team, while the same 2 RNs I was on with previously had around 4 admissions each, and both didn’t get a full break.
I didn’t offer them any help at all and I feel so guilty about it. It’s not in my nature to not help. AITJ for deciding to not help anyone with anything anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Firstly just so we are clear, there is no such thing as quiet quitting. Either you are doing the work you are paid by contract to do, or you don’t.
Secondly, stay in your lane.
Our nurses are already overworked and we don’t need another one burning out. If you don’t want to be doing other people’s tasks, that is their issue, not yours.
Third, take care of yourself. If that means finding a new unit to work for?
Go for it. Telling the administration office to get themselves together and get the other RN to do their work? Do that.
At the end of the day, you gotta make sure you’re mentally okay so you can make sure the patients are ok.” Livid_Rip8609
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It sounds like you’ve overworked yourself. It’s incredibly nice that you’re willing to help out others, but you’re doing it at a great detriment to yourself and your patients.
It’s not quiet quitting it’s doing your job. What’s happening is you’re realizing that you can’t be everything for everyone and it’s stressing you out.
Your number one concern should be your basic needs and whether or not you are well-equipped and alert enough to be doing your work well.
After that, your priority is your patients. Do they have what they need? If you can’t meet those needs is there someone on your team who can? After your patients come to your teammates, are they having their needs met so they can do their work well?
Nowhere on the list of things that you need to be attending to are the needs of other teams and their patients. Unless there’s an emergency anything going on that is off your personal task list is none of your business.
That is not where you’ve been asked to be and that is not where you’re being paid to be.
While you weren’t wrong to be helping out where you saw needs, you aren’t going to be punished for no longer offering that help.
No one is going to think less of you. If the guilt gets to the point that it’s impeding your ability to work then you may want to consider talking to a therapist about setting healthier boundaries when it comes to things like giving your time and energy.
Make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Get yourself your favorite snack, watch your favorite movie, and do what you need to recharge between shifts.” Chimalma
Another User Comments:
“You need to make a report to your safeguarding lead.
If Senior RNs are ignoring requests for clinical support with complex cases this is a patient safety issue. Since you’re on the verge of quitting anyway, you have nothing to lose.
I don’t think ‘no longer going above and beyond and helping people who don’t help you’ counts as ‘quiet quitting’.
As long as the patients in your care are receiving your full attention on shift, you’re NTJ for no longer wanting to cover for others’ laziness.
Toxic cultures on wards are endemic in the NHS and need to be eradicated. Many of the baby deaths investigated in the Kirkup report would have been avoided if the toxic attitude of the senior staff had been challenged. Please keep a log of their behavior and take your concerns to safeguard or higher if you have to.” User
13. AITJ For Asking About My Sister's Engagement?
“I (27 F) received a text message from my auntie with a picture of my sister (29 F) and her partner with the text ‘newest couple in town.’ When I looked at the photo I saw my sister had an engagement ring on.
My sister wasn’t speaking with me at the time, so I immediately texted my mom and asked if my sister got engaged. My mom replied saying she didn’t know anything about it. She then proceeded to text my sister and ask if she was engaged. My sister got really upset and hasn’t talked to me since and claims we ruined her engagement and we should have pretended we never received that photo from my aunt.
I do agree that my mom probably shouldn’t have texted my sister and maybe should have waited for my sister to tell her. But AITJ for texting my mom and asking? My sister and my mom have always been really close and I figured she would know.
I didn’t mean to cause such a big fight and really just want the best for my sister. She sent out her invitations to the wedding and everyone (including my mom) got one except me.
More context: My sister wasn’t speaking to me at this time because: When I was 36 weeks pregnant she came over and the first thing she said to me was ‘Holy cow, you’re huge’.
I was so taken aback by this comment because not only was I at the end of my pregnancy but I was also really small and didn’t show a belly. When I did give birth the following week she was the 5th person I told.
I didn’t have a strategic list of who I was going to tell, but to be honest, she wasn’t at the top of my list. She’s not the most supportive sister and she often makes very inappropriate comments.
Then after the last comment she gave me, she wasn’t at the top of my list of people to tell. She ended up hearing from my grandma before I could tell her first, that I had given birth.
She proceeded to text me saying how I was such a jerk for not including her and how offended she was that she wasn’t #1 on the list. That’s when she stopped talking to me initially. From the time of my daughter’s birth, her engagement was 5 months.
I reached out frequently during this time with no response.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked a simple question, besides if she wanted to keep it a secret she should have told her aunt not to send it to you.
To be honest, it sounds like your sister is blowing this out of proportion given the circumstances. If she wants to blame someone for ‘ruining the engagement’ surprise or whatever she should blame your aunt, or herself for taking the photo with an engagement obviously visible without telling your aunt ‘hey please don’t send this to anyone, I want to surprise people first’.” ShoeWarrior_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister likes to create drama. Most people do not care what order they get the news that you have a baby, they just want to know that you and babe are healthy, and then what the name is.
Her creating drama about who got the news first is ridiculous. It’s a nothing thing. I’m a grandparent, and I wouldn’t even ask such a thing.
You heard the news and asked the person who might know the truth about it.
That’s reasonable behavior. If your sister wanted her engagement announced in some other way, she ought not to have given aunt the photo.
It seems that your sister has decided that you are her scapegoat, her person to blame whenever anything in her life goes wrong for her.
Scapegoats will get blamed for things that they cannot control and can’t possibly be responsible for, as if they were responsible. It’s like blaming you for there being rain on a day they want sun.” blueberryyogurtcup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You received information and inquired about it. The fault here lies with either the auntie or your sister. If your sister wanted it to stay quiet so that she could tell your mom, she should have said so.
If she did, then it was your auntie who ruined it.
It sounds like you’ve had a strained relationship with your sister for a long time. It’s her wedding and she gets to decide who comes. I personally wouldn’t invite someone, even if they’re family, to my wedding if I had a strained relationship.
Either try to work on making the relationship better or accept that you and your sister don’t have a relationship.” Sadielady3
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancée's Stepmom To Come To Our Engagement Party?
“I (29m) recently got engaged to my fiancee (23f). I live in another state and plan to move to her state soon. I proposed while visiting her in her home state.
Her mom has passed and he dad is remarried with a 2 yo son.
My fiancee and her dad’s wife have had a rocky relationship over the years. When they had the 2-year-old my fiance was not told until his wife was 5 months pregnant, and was told she could not be there for the birth (this was a home birth, not a hospital so it was an option) and was not allowed to visit until the baby was almost a month old.
Her dad has also stopped helping her financially at all and told her if we moved in together and couldn’t afford it he ‘wouldn’t have the money to help.’
When we mentioned getting married he also let us know he wouldn’t be able to afford to put much towards the wedding and said we needed to wait and save up.
She knows this is nonsense because they spend a ton of money constantly. She knows this is all coming from his wife, and she is basically trying to cut her out.
So when we planned the party to announce our engagement, I only invited her dad and did not let him know what was happening.
Her dad will often meet her for dinner without his wife, so he showed up on his own.
After we had announced the engagement her dad didn’t say much and at the end of the night he took me aside and asked why his wife had not been invited.
I told him that she had not included my fiancee in their big life moments, so she didn’t deserve to be involved in ours.
Her dad said I was a coward and immature, and said he was very disappointed in us, and he doesn’t support his daughter marrying ‘a man who is 30 and acts like a spoiled child’ and told me not to expect him to pay for anything.
He told my fiancee he was disappointed in her as well before leaving and she cried all night and his dad won’t respond to her calls or texts.
So am I?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Why weren’t you inviting people together and were you expecting her dad to still support her at 23?
He has a total right to cut her off. She should deal with her family, you yours. It should have been your fiance’s decision.
There is nothing wrong with not wanting a zoo at a home birth.
A home birth is like a hospital birth but with less privacy. It’s often chosen for calm, and quiet. you don’t want to hear people in the living room or if the birth is planned for the living room making noise.
Home births move rooms as things occur, often exposed. Would your fiance expect to be in the hospital room of her giving birth, no? The one-month no visit is odd, but we should still be cautious health-wise.” Lcdmt3
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re certainly allowed to invite whoever you want to your parties but if Step-Mom didn’t care for your wife before you’ve really sealed the deal with this AND you’ve annoyed her father.
Those ‘Big Moments’ you say your wife wasn’t invited to – the birthday of her baby half-sibling?
Your wife’s step-mom was grunting out a human from her womb – why on earth would your wife expect to be there? Why wouldn’t YOU explain ‘the woman’s giving birth – it’s not a party’? A person is at their most vulnerable; the only people who should have been there are the ones that Step-Mom WANTED ie her husband/maybe her Mom/Sister/best friend etc.
Also, many people do not get financial help from their parents after 18 let alone into their adult years, but it doesn’t mean their parents don’t love them. Babies are expensive, also if StepMom is also employed part of the spending money may be coming from her – your wife isn’t entitled to that.
As for not having visitors to see the baby – you do realize the world was dealing with a (disease not to be spoken of) for the past 3 years right? if the kid is 2 now that was the height of it OF COURSE nobody should be strolling in during birth UNTIL the parents feel safe.
Even in the best of times, new parents keep the infant fairly isolated a few months till immunities develop.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: wow you guys are entitled. First off the stepmom may have not wanted to tell people about her pregnancy for fear of losing the baby – most people who are pregnant while older don’t say anything until after the 3-month mark and depending on how old the step-mom/FIL are it makes complete sense to wait even longer to check that everything is healthy with the baby before wanting to let people know about it.
Second: in regards to both the home birth and not being able to see the baby until after one month – the baby was born in 2021 during a global crisis. Unless you guys offered to completely isolate in order to reassure your FIL and his wife that the baby would be safe, it is completely reasonable to limit exposure.
Also in many cultures (my own included), there are limited visits until the baby is 40 days old – this is both cultural but mainly for the baby and the baby’s momma’s health. Hosting people over can be super exhausting for a new mother.
That being said I can understand feeling a little left out – but you should be more understanding about these things.
Now in regards to the money you guys are being absolutely ridiculous. First off ur FIL just had a baby – he is no longer responsible for his adult daughter.
Needing assistance is normal when you are a young adult but you are definitely not entitled to it – especially if you decide to start living with another adult. Moving in with a partner is a big step and you should be financially prepared before doing so.
Now for the wedding – it seems like the FIL was willing to help pay as much as he could (again keep in mind he has a whole growing family of his own to consider before throwing money for a party) but now that you directly disrespected his wife he is right not to pay at all.
I would apologize if I were you because this will only make the relationship with your family worse.” Existing-Wolf-9432
11. AITJ For Wanting My Husband's Dog Out Of Our House?
“My husband (M32) and I (F26) have been married for over 2 years now. We moved in together one week before we got married. Before getting married, I always felt disgusted when I would visit him because his house always had dog hair everywhere.
Whenever I left, I would find dog hair on my clothes, in my shoes, etc… and that really annoyed me. So when we moved in together, I made it clear to my husband that I wouldn’t want a dirty house, and I refuse to clean after his dog.
At the time, he agreed he would clean the floors and be the one to clean after the dog.
A year ago, we had our first baby boy. I am very protective of my son. As a mother, I want to make sure he is safe and has a clean home where he can play freely.
Previously, when the dog encountered babies or kids, he is always very anxious, nervous, and protective of my husband. With our baby, his behavior is worse. Now that our baby is walking and running around the house, the dog can not find a safe space and is anxious the entire time baby is awake and walking.
This past month, the dog growled at the baby when the baby was walking towards him and on a different occasion, the dog went in to bite the baby when the baby caught him off guard and got close enough to touch him.
Not to mention how jealous the dog gets any time my husband is playing with the baby. My husband was there for both of these incidents and denies them as being anything serious or of concern… I felt the opposite.
This past year has been the hardest year of my life as a first-time mom. Not only do I not find a moment in the day to have a moment for myself, I definitely do not want to spend any free time I have cleaning after the dog, my husband, or my baby.
There is dog hair everywhere, the floors are always dirty with dirt, mud, dog drool, dog hair… etc. the carpet has a layer of dog hair on it. I find dog hair in all my clothes, my food, my cups.
I am so disgusted and annoyed at this point and it takes too much of my mental and physical energy to keep up. I am so unhappy.
For the past few months, I’ve just given up. My husband has noticed and he’s picking up after me.
He’s been cleaning the house (but not the floors) and cooking occasionally. He’s doing the best he can because he sees I’m frustrated… but still it’s not enough. I am really grateful for my husband and tell him that every day.
But I want the dog out of here. Am I the jerk?
EDIT: I clean our home regularly. Our home is not a dump. Currently, any free time I have away from the baby is to cook or clean.
The dog was not there before me. My husband’s brother abandoned the dog because the dog was jealous of his partner and causing issues in their relationship. The dog is now doing that with the baby and has been doing that in our marriage.
For example, the dog wants to steal my attention whenever my husband and I hug, kiss or hold hands… and my husband does end up giving the dog attention instead of me.
We haven’t consulted a dog trainer because my husband does not have the patience and he gets upset with me whenever I bring up seeing a dog trainer.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You would be the jerk if this were just about dog hair, but growling at your baby is concerning behavior.
You might want to try meeting your husband halfway, though. Can you ask that the dog work with a behaviorist, perhaps while temporarily living elsewhere for the safety of your baby?
Do try to be sensitive to the fact that you’re asking him to give up a pet with whom he has, I imagine, a deep emotional bond. He would likely feel grief.
As a separate issue, it sounds like you are really exhausted and struggling emotionally right now.
You state that you have ‘given up,’ which is quite concerning. Have you spoken with a doctor about postpartum depression?
Perhaps if you’re not feeling so overwhelmed, it will be easier to find a workable compromise regarding the dog.” eefr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you have one kid and the dog is growling and snapping at him, what’s going to happen when you have two going in different directions and one actually gets to the dog?
The dog needs to be in a house without children. It doesn’t like children and will most likely bite one. If that happens it will be deemed the dog is dangerous and it will get put down.
All because you kept pushing its boundaries. You need to have a serious conversation about it with your husband. It’s no longer a safe environment for the dog or the baby.” jizzy_lizzie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re not communicating. You have a problem, and fixing it doesn’t require getting rid of the dog.
It does require your husband actively working with and train the dog.
It does require your husband actively cleaning more, including the floor.
It does require you to tell him all these things.
If your family finances can handle it, I would recommend an outside cleaning service that has experience with new babies and dogs that will come in every other week and deep clean everything so your husband just has to keep on top of the day-to-day.” dublos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where is your husband in this? The dog’s behavior is not okay, and it’s your husband’s job to train the dog.
And no, you can’t train a one-year-old never to get ‘too close’ to the dog.
You can help them learn not to bother the dog, but until they know, the dog needs to know to move away and to tolerate a baby existing in his home.
It sounds like you did communicate about the issue.
If that is the case, it might be time to accept that your husband will never be a responsible dog owner and come to a decision that benefits your child’s safety.” Logical-Natural
10. AITJ For Forcing My Husband To Make His Brother Stay In A Hotel?
“I used to be close with my brother-in-law but we aren’t anymore due to how he treated my best friend. I don’t hate him or anything but I would prefer he wasn’t staying in my home.
When my husband told me he was coming to visit, I made it clear I didn’t want him staying here but my husband wouldn’t budge and said his visit would be shorter if he was here as they could work out what they were going to do about some family assets they were thinking about selling more quickly.
Seeing him in my home was irritating me, especially since he’s the type of person who loves making dumb sarcastic jokes constantly. I tried asking my husband to ask him to go stay in a hotel 2 days into his visit but he again wouldn’t budge so I outright told my brother-in-law I didn’t want him here but that still wasn’t enough to make him leave.
I finally decided to walk around the house in my undergarments because I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist making a stupid comment and it would annoy my husband enough to make him ask his brother to stay in a hotel, which is exactly what happened. After my husband told him to go, my brother-in-law accused me of thinking I was hot stuff who tried to lead my husband around by his neck and made a point to tell me it would backfire if I kept this up.
My husband also asked me if I wasn’t going to continue the show during a fight as I stopped doing it once his brother left as my husband often has guests coming and going during the day which made walking around our home in my undergarments awkward.
He was already upset with me but the fact that I stopped immediately after his brother left seems to have upset him even more.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
So, basically, you couldn’t get your way by discussing it with your husband.
Your response is to walk around in your undergarments to get your way by causing your BIL to say something stupid so your husband kicks him out.
In other words, you don’t respect your husband and deliberately will try to get your way in a backhanded fashion when you want something badly enough.
And you wonder why your husband is so upset with you?” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You were being very communicative with your husband and wanted to avoid conflict. Obviously, your husband didn’t take your side into serious consideration.
There was no reason for the brother not to be able to sleep in a hotel. Your husband was putting himself before you.
When his brother’s true colors were revealed, and it became a problem for your husband, is when he acted on it.
This could have been avoided from the start. It’s a shame you had to resort to those tactics.” KerryProvo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – your BIL didn’t do anything to you. Whatever happened between BIL and your best friend isn’t any of your business.
You used to have a good relationship with BIL, but now your feelings are all hurt and are being passive-aggressive and acting like a toddler. Instead of using your big girl words and having a conversation with your husband, you’re parading around in your undergarments hoping to start a fight.
What are you, 12? You’re acting like a child. Grow up. You’re so petty it’s sickening.” partyboysouth
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your husband sucks for being inconsiderate about how you felt about your BIL staying there and not taking into account the fact it’s your house too.
BIL sucks for making sarcastic jokes about you for seemingly no reason.
You suck because you intentionally made things awkward and intentionally provoke your BIL into making a comment about you just to force your husband into doing what you want.” DJ_Too_Supreme
9. AITJ For Punishing My Two Kids?
“I (38M) have 2 boys. Mark (12M) and Steven (16M). Steven recently came home past his curfew, but it’s not a reoccurring issue. He’s got good grades, helps out around the house, and is generally respectful. He’s a big help and because of that, we are a little lenient with him.
Sometimes you’re having a good time and time slips by, no biggy. Mark is also a great kid, but he’s been doing things that are just kind of conniving.
First, was Mark going into Steven’s room. Mark told me with kind of a smirk that he found Steven had a pile-up of dishes in his room, which isn’t allowed. Once you’re done with your food, I expect you to bring your dishes down at the end of the day.
I talked to Steven about it, and he apologized. His punishment? Washing his dishes by hand. We have a dishwasher, but I felt it fitting to make him do it by hand. However, what concerned me was Mark shouldn’t have been in Steven’s room in the first place.
I get it, though. My older brother’s room always seemed so cool when I was growing up. But I told Mark to stay out of Steven’s room unless he has Steven’s permission.
Another time, Mark came to us about Steven playing an inappropriate game.
GTA V. My wife and I bought him the game. Mark didn’t know about it cause we didn’t want him playing it and being exposed to that content (yet). Mark was in Steven’s room watching him play the game.
He stayed to watch him play and told us later that night. Yet again, it seemed like Mark was getting a kick out of telling us. I sat Steven down and explained to him that while we are allowing him to have this game and are comfortable with him viewing mature material, I don’t want him exposing Mark to it.
Lastly, was Steven coming home late from his friend’s? I and my wife knew he was late because when he gets home, he usually knocks on our door and lets us know. Plus, I heard him (clumsily) try to sneak in without us noticing.
My wife was asleep at the time, so I just pretended not to hear and let it slide. However, the next morning, Mark brings it up with a grin. I asked Steven about it, and he admitted it and apologized. I told him that if he was going to be late, he could have at least contacted us.
I told him he couldn’t go out for the rest of the weekend (I knew he was using the weekend to study anyway).
The thing is, I want my kids to stick together. I also didn’t appreciate Mark telling on his brother to humor himself.
So I told Mark that since he enjoys telling on his brother so much, he’s punished too (same punishment). Especially since steven admitted to coming home at a time past marks bedtime. After the kids had dispersed, my wife told me she didn’t approve.
I explained that Mark is clearly getting a kick out of getting Steven in trouble, but my wife explained that if Steven was following the rules, he wouldn’t get in trouble in the first place. She thinks I’m being unfair to Mark.
I doubled down, and now my wife is obviously bothered by my decision and making it very clear. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you need to have a conversation with Mark about when it’s good to tell an adult about something a sibling is doing that’s wrong and how you expect your kids to be a team.
Tell him you’d like to know if Steven is sick/hurt, if he’s doing something that could be dangerous (like drinking or trying illegal stuff, driving recklessly, using a chainsaw with no training, etc.), or if he’s bullying/harassing someone.
Tell him you don’t appreciate your kids trying to get each other in trouble deliberately. Show him your priority is not having a favorite and a problem child but allowing them to grow and learn from their own experiences (within reason) while providing support and love.” Willing-Helicopter26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s completely reasonable to cut a generally good kid some slack. Not every lapse has to be punished. Sometimes it’s enough to remind a kid what the rules are and that you need them to follow the rules.
Mark’s behavior has to stop, though. I would either (1) punish Mark every time he tattles with an appropriate consequence for that misbehavior (not whatever is happening to Steven, that’s just silly for a lot of reasons) or (2) make it very clear to Mark that Steven will definitely not be getting in trouble for any behavior you find out about from Mark.
Take all the fun out of it.
I don’t know what your wife’s deal is.” Miriamathome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is pretty weird that he seems to get his kicks from TRYING to get his brother in trouble.
Good way to address it. And it’s not like he got any severe punishment. But you’re letting him know that snitching on his brother for these little things is just not welcome. Maybe you should explain things the way you explained them to us.
So he knows that your eldest isn’t keeping things from you. That he has an open line of communication with you and that’s why he’s not getting punished. It’s like the youngest is jealous and wants his brother in trouble.
But he’s not understanding that he tells you guys things.” Gurlspida
8. AITJ For Staying Long In The Shower To Miss Church?
“I spend about an hour in the bathroom just so I don’t have to go to church. My father is a pastor and since I was little, it was what was taught and drilled into me.
Now that I’m older I just don’t want to go anymore, things have happened to kind of make me want to distance myself and figure things out for myself.
I’ve vocalized how I don’t want to go to my dad many times but each time it turns into him yelling at me about how I need to read my Bible and how I need this and brings up ‘mistakes’ I’ve made.
Or he’ll go off on a rant about how I’m selfish and ungrateful because I don’t want to do this one thing but want him to do things for me even tho he ‘legally’ doesn’t have to.
When he says that he usually lists things like feeding my siblings and me, taking us to school, and stuff like that. And I mean yea he doesn’t have to do that he could have not had us or given us up but since he didn’t, we’ll then yes legally he has to feed us.
I’m 20 so I’ve been trying to buy my own groceries and do my own thing but even then he goes off at me about how we’re a family and I can’t buy food for only myself.
But anyway this morning I made sure to try and take forever in the bathroom so he’d just leave me so I didn’t have to go to church, he yelled at me and went on one of his rants and eventually I was dragged to church all while he called me ungrateful and selfish
A few things: I know I’m a legal adult, I know I could just go to the bank and do this and that. The thing is I can’t, when I leave the house I have to ask permission and let my parents know where I’m going.
I tried to get my license as soon as I turned 16, but my dad wouldn’t allow it, and still doesn’t I’ve been learning and trying to drive but every time I try to schedule the test he shuts it down and says I’m not ready.
So to go to the bank I’d have to catch the bus, I have a bus pass that he again has access to and puts exact money on so when I say I’m going here he puts the exact amount needed and if it comes up short or not right I’m busted.
I haven’t mentioned my mom, she’s in the picture still married and living together but she’s much worse. I’m terrified of my mom, I’d rather try to work things out with my dad than her.
I also have 2 younger siblings that I basically parent, I can see they get treated better than I was/am but I just can’t leave them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow. This is all wrong on so many levels. You are a hostage in your home. The only way to change this situation is to figure out a way to leave. But you are gonna have to keep your plans secret until you have all your ducks in a row and then just leave with no warning.
Similar to a woman leaving an awful spouse (which I have done). First, you need a job. Then you need a place to live. Then you leave with no warning. It’s not easy and took me months to plan but it was totally worth it.” jasper1108
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 20, no one can force you to go to church, you’re an adult. You need to open a bank account he can’t access, stop giving him your paychecks and get it into your own account and find a room to rent.
He has NO right to your money, if he wants to discuss REASONABLE rent then fine but he can’t just take half of your money. He’s financially abusing you so he can keep control of you.
Fund somewhere to stay, get your finances sorted to be accessible by you only, pack a bag, and roll out.
You’re an adult, you’re allowed to be free!” Thatsthetea123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Find a room for rent or friends/coworkers/classmates to rent an apartment with. You need to get your own life. Every college has a financial aid office and there are websites to apply for scholarships, grants, and student loans.
I bring up college, because you want a career (nursing, teaching, engineering, IT), that you can make enough money to support yourself on. The idea is to be independent. You’re getting there, by buying your own groceries and stuff.
I would highly recommend getting your own cellphone if you’re on your dad’s plan, so he can track you with incoming and outgoing calls.
The freer you are of this, the clearer your mind will be to sort things out.
Being Christian isn’t a bad thing. I’m just worried about the friction between you and your dad. This could turn violent. 2-1-1 is a number for local community resources. Best of luck to you!” Crazy_Cow_4736
7. AITJ For Snapping At My Husband For Questioning My Ability As A Mom And Wife?
“My husband, Jim, and I have an almost 3-month-old baby boy, Dev. Jim is a perfectionist and lately, he’s been frustrated because he feels I’m slacking on staying on top of things around the house and tells me there’s no excuse for the house to not stay immaculate at all times.
Dev is the best baby, but he does not sleep at night. My 3rd trimester was rough, and it’s been nearly 6 months since I’ve slept through the night. Dev is breastfed, so I do all the overnights with him while Jim sleeps, he typically gets 8-10 hours of sleep per night.
I also take care of Dev during the day. Jim takes Dev for an hour or so when he gets home and I use that time to try and rush to catch up on chores so Jim and I don’t argue.
Jim is quick to point out when I don’t do something, for ex: in the kitchen, I’ll wash dishes, clean the stove, wipe counters and table, organize the pantry, and sweep the floor, but I won’t have the energy to mop.
Instead of acknowledging all I do around the house, Jim constantly points out what I don’t do: I see you can’t be bothered to mop the floor. Must be nice to do nothing all day. I wish I could stay home and be lazy.
You have no excuse for this! (And it goes like that across all the household chores.)
I try to explain to Jim I’m constantly exhausted, I’m dealing with chronic pain issues, ehlers danlos, osteoarthritis, pots, mcas, gastroparesis, and neuropathy.
Plus I’ve struggled on and off for years with anxiety, depression, and PTSD. (I have a therapist.) Jim points out that when he’s at home he does his share of the chores with no problem and he works full time, so me being home all day means I should be able to do everything just by myself and take the stress off him.
When Jim gets mad he gets very snarky too. He’ll ask me if I am capable of taking care of Dev since I’m obviously inept at taking care of the house. Says he hopes I don’t neglect Dev like I neglect my other responsibilities.
That he will take Dev and leave if I don’t get my act together and start doing better. And it goes on.
I finally got fed up and snapped at Jim to shut up and leave me alone.
That he gets actual sleep every night and has far more energy than I do. I’m doing my best and I’m sorry it’s not good enough, but please leave me alone about it.
Jim got upset and accused me of attacking him when he was just trying to help and make sure I don’t forget what needs to be done.
And he doesn’t know if he wants to stay in a relationship with someone who attacks him that way and clearly doesn’t care about anything in life.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is emotional mistreatment. Never trust anyone that threatens to take the kids over something so minor.
If you have a family I would leave silently. He’s going to gaslight you into thinking you are the problem and once a parent has the kid it’s very hard to get them until custody orders are in place which can take MONTHS if not years.
If he does take him you might not see him for a while.
Get proof of his attitude too
Even pre-kids I didn’t clean that thoroughly every day – why waste life cleaning if it’s not actually dirty?
Plus when Dev is walking you’ll have a mess tornado.” Auroraburst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jim though is 100% the jerk. He is gaslighting you when he said that you would talk to him. He does not appreciate the effort that you do around the house.
He needs to be contributing more and should be letting you at least nap in the afternoon once he gets home. Keeping a house as clean as you have detailed it’s amazing with three month old and the fact that you haven’t slept in 6 months.
I do believe both of you and your baby will be better off without him.” otterofhides
Another User Comments:
“Awww… I’m so sorry to hear this. Jim is a jerk. Certified.
He’s taking zero responsibility for the baby or the house.
That means you have two full-time jobs and he has only one. For him to criticize you is just ridiculous!
Why don’t you tell him that taking care of a baby is a full-time job, so let’s split the house chores?
You do have, I’ll do half. See how quickly his appreciation grows when it’s his responsibility to do the dishes.
You’re NTJ and in fact, if things don’t approve you should consider leaving Jim.
But at present, he’s gaslighting you into thinking that he has it better than you and that he’s doing more. He’s not. You are. And you should push back instead of trying to avoid confrontation.” criticalgraffiti
6. AITJ For Being Loud?
“I (22) am from New York. I have a very strong New York accent, and I’m Italian, so I guess I speak loud, I don’t mean to and don’t notice.
I was on my second date with this guy James (24).
James is very put together, a conservative, and a grad student. He came from money. We went to a nice restaurant, and I ordered the lightest girliest food possible and wore a nice classy dress. I was very excited because I thought we hit it off on the first date.
The date was going well, we were conversating and laughing. Towards the end, he got rather quiet. After I got home James sent me a text asking why I behaved that way at dinner. I asked him what he meant and he said I was very loud and people were staring.
I didn’t see anyone look at us. I apologized and told him I didn’t realize I was being loud, and he got upset and said I was being obnoxious and embarrassed him at an elegant place and he didn’t think we should go out again.
This makes me feel bad, I never want to embarrass anyone. This was my first time at a really nice restaurant and I don’t know maybe he is overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but there’s more here than meets the eye.
It does look like a culture clash, but also you said it was your very first time in a really nice restaurant. Really nice restaurants do tend to be quieter than others. You were undoubtedly speaking too loud for that situation – I’ve had that same problem.
He didn’t know how to convey to you that you were speaking too loudly – after all, how would you tell your date that he’s being too loud when you don’t know him very well?
The social skill to practice here in fancy restaurants is to go down one level in volume from where you think you should be. In my case, my best friend gives me verbal cues that I’m being too loud and that helps a lot, so there are several ways to fine-tune this.” Kevin28P
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m not going to assume you were out there putting on a broadway play or something. I’m from NY as well. Idk what it is about us but we can be SO LOUD.
My inside voice sometimes echoes. LOL. We’re used to being incredibly animated. We’re also just used to the chaos.
It’s beneficial to have a calmer side to you. Leaving the city for a few years definitely helped me tap into a more chill vibe.
But if that’s not you, then you just need to find someone else who is just as outgoing and ‘loud’. Compatibility matters
Once again this is giving you the benefit of the doubt that you weren’t actually obnoxious and yelling and being rude or something.” Number5MoMo
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You were admittedly on a date in an unfamiliar environment (nice restaurant) and failed to read the room to notice how everyone else was behaving. That’s not really being a jerk, that’s just something you weren’t good at.
I’m sure you’ll do better in the future. He gave you his honest reason for not wanting to go on another date. It sounds like not understanding the social norms of specific environments is a dealbreaker for him.
It sounds like you struggle in that front (not that you can’t eventually learn it – this is just not something you are currently adept at).
Anyway, none of this makes anyone a jerk but it does make the two of you incompatible at this point in time.” Own-Cauliflower2386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people are loud. I’m also a New Yorker, and while I’m not a typically loud person, I have a lot of very close friends who are. And they are truly lovely people.
You put thought into getting ready, and what you ordered, and you behaved in a way that you thought was appropriate. And instead of giving you an opportunity during the date to change something that was making him uncomfortable, your date waited ‘til the evening was over to say something.
There’s a big difference between flirtatiously asking ‘are you always this loud?!’ When you’re waiting for your first drink, and accusing you of ruining the night of other people in the restaurant.” smited_by_cookiegirl
5. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Give My Grandma's Ring To My Sister?
“My (30M) fiancé (let’s call him Wade, fake name) proposed to me (27F) two years ago using a family heirloom ring from my family. For more detail, it belonged to my maternal grandmother and when she passed, my mum inherited it.
It has always been a fact that she will give it to one of her daughters when we grow up. We also always assumed she will give it to my sister Mercy (28F). To be clear, it’s not a super expensive ring or anything.
Mum added a diamond to it but it costs around the same as the average engagement ring.
This might be important to the story: Mercy is my half-sister, same dad different mums. Her bio mum has never been in the picture but my mum has always made it clear we are both her daughters and she loves us both.
She has also always treated Mercy well.
Anyway, when mum gave the ring to my now fiancé to propose to me, I was pleasantly surprised but also confused. But again, mum never said to who she would give the ring.
Later I talked to mum about the ring and found out mum only gave my fiancé the ring because Mercy didn’t think she would ever get married.
I talked to Mercy later and she confirmed this. She felt strongly against marriage and with a good cause which isn’t relevant here.
The issue now is that Mercy has been seeing this nice guy let’s call him Jake (35F). He is sweet, treats her like a queen, and has a cute son. He has been putting it out there that he intends to propose and even asked for our parents’ blessing.
Now Mercy wants the ring back.
My fiancé and I didn’t have any problem giving it back right after our engagement and finding another one but it has come to mean so much to us. We have been planning our wedding with my late grandma in mind and grandma only had one ring, my current engagement ring, and it’s like the final touch.
Other details include remaking her wedding dress, using one of her necklaces, getting a wedding band that’s a perfect match to pair with the engagement ring, etc.
I told Mercy this and she said we can just design a ring that looks the same.
One of her reasons is ‘she isn’t our mum’s biological daughter so she should get this one privilege.’ She also thinks since mum intended to give her the ring anyway, so I should give it back to her.
I still think she should not have said it was okay if it wasn’t, and my fiancé agrees. However, Mercy is not speaking to me and my parents have different opinions on this. So will I be the jerk if I hold onto the ring?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you can’t give it back! You offered it back to her, she had her chance and turned it down. The ring is yours now.
The non-biological daughter argument is such emotional blackmail if your mother has always treated her the same.
If she wants to go down that route you could be equally petty and say your grandmother would have wanted you to have her ring, seeing as Mercy isn’t her biological granddaughter.
Also when she told you you design a similar-looking ring, why doesn’t she do that?
Is it just about the money then – does she think it’s unfair you go a free ring?” ShallWeStartThen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but maybe speak to your parents about her getting your mum’s engagement ring? If that’s a possibility of course since they seem to have opinions on it.
This way it means you both have a ring to pass down.
But do not give her the ring, it’s yours and you now have a connection to it, she had the chance to raise any arguments against it.
And she doesn’t get to pull the not being a biological daughter to basically emotionally blackmail you.” ssddalways
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That ring was given to you by your mother. It wasn’t for a photo shoot to be returned later.
Or a toy to play with until your sister wanted it.
And for all your entitled sister’s logical suggestions of getting a duplicate made – it’s just as easy for her to do the same. Just because she now wants it does not make it hers.
It’s not her ring to ask for it back. Neither is it your mom’s ring to ask you to give it to your sister. It’s YOUR ring and you want to keep it. And to be entirely fair – it’s also a ring that has been in your family.
Not hers. Yours.” User
4. WIBTJ If I Convince Our Landlord To Evict My Roommate?
“Lease clearly states tenants are to keep the ‘peace and quiet’ of the home and not create any nuisances that will disturb other tenants.
Roommate ‘Emma’ has been having loud noisy ‘intimate time’ for 4 months now with her partner. When I say loud, I can hear her panting like a dog while they screw through the wall. I can’t even sit at my desk when they are together because my desk will ricochet off the wall while they are doing the dirty.
This occurs around 3-4x /week, and we are all grad students – so we are all pretty busy and studying. Another roommate had already spoken to ‘Emma’ about keeping the noise level down in Dec. It’s now Feb, and the noise level hasn’t changed.
Also, ‘Emma’ has made a copy of our house key and given it to her partner. The guy now lets himself in when she isn’t there and stays in the house even after she leaves to go to school.
As an all-female house, it’s pretty inconvenient because don’t feel comfortable walking around in a towel anymore. And like I said, he is here 3-4 times a week from 4 pm until the next morning.
Confronted ‘Emma’ and her response is that ‘she pays rent.’ I drafted an email to the landlord with screenshots from the lease.
My other roommate is also willing to corroborate these facts. WIBTJ for getting her evicted?
Edited to add: The house is rented out by the room. So Emma being evicted would not affect me/drive up my monthly payments.
My other roomie who is frustrated and I both plan on going to the landlord and threatening to break our leases if something is not done about this issue. I would also like to state that I have 0 problems with the other roommates who occupy this dwelling.
The exact phrasing of the words in the lease is: ‘Tenant is entitled to quiet enjoyment of the premises. Tenant and guests or invitees will not use the premises or adjacent areas in such a way as to create a nuisance by annoying, disturbing, inconveniencing, or interfering with the quiet enjoyment and peace and quiet of any other tenant or nearby resident’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was just the noise, maybe you would be. But even then, you’ve set boundaries and she’s continuing to cross them, therefore I think it would be justified to ask her to move out.
Her making a copy of the key for her partner (presumably without asking you guys if that’s ok) is a huge no from me. As well as him being there so often. You didn’t agree to live with her AND her partner.
She’s chosen to disrespect you and the other roommates, over and over again. You deserve a safe, quiet, peaceful house!” tacoluvr_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You tried talking it out with her and it didn’t change anything, and on top of the loud noise she gave him the key without talking to you first and he stays there without her without all of your consent.
Yes, she pays rent, but that means SHE gets to use the house without constantly disturbing you, and SHE gets to have a key, not she and whoever else.” annamariapix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once she gave him a copy of the key there is no question that she overstepped. Before giving a spare key to anyone it should be agreed upon by all the tenants of the property.
That to me is the very worst thing she did. He should not be in the apartment if she is not there either. He is her guest, once she leaves there is no reason for him to be there.
She may trust her partner. There is no reason for you to trust him. In my opinion, and it may sound dramatic, but she put your safety at risk by doing this. At the very least you have less peace of mind, knowing that he can come in without you knowing while you are sleeping or in the shower.
I would be very uncomfortable.” ContentedRecluse
3. WIBTJ If I Report My Neighbor For Turning His Place Into A 3-Bedroom Apartment?
“I live in a block of 9 flats and have lived here for about 5 years.
The flats themselves are around 7 years old.
I’m lucky enough to own my flat, and the block itself is a mixture of renters and owners. The flats are, however, all leasehold.
Every flat has a similar layout.
They have two beds, with a main bathroom and one ensuite. The living room and kitchen are open-plan. Each flat has two assigned parking spaces.
Now in the current climate (UK based), the flats aren’t selling too well despite being in a very desirable area of London.
One of our neighbors who owns his flat has therefore decided to rent it out so that he can move to a larger property. My issue is, he has decided he wants to maximize his profit and to do this he has converted the living room into a third bedroom.
This doesn’t sit well with me at all and I’m pretty sure he can’t legally do it.
Firstly, I think it’s pretty trashy to convert the living room and leave the renters with one small kitchen as the only communal space.
I really don’t like the idea of him maximizing his profit at others’ expense and creating overcrowding.
Secondly, this is a block full of couples and families. I’m concerned that if more and more people start doing this it changes the demographic.
Then there are just the issues of having multiple people In one flat. More cars which the block doesn’t have space for, more noise from the occupants, etc.
He has managed to successfully get some renters as the rental market is booming but they haven’t moved in yet.
I’m very tempted to make some inquiries to the freeholder and the council about his setup, but if it is illegal (which I strongly suspect it is) then I’d not only lose this guy his renters, but he’d have to put everything back at the expense.
Alternatively, I could just let it go.
So WIBTJ if I reported him?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Worrying about exploitation is important, but if they get kicked out they’ll just end up somewhere worse. There’s a reason they’re here – they couldn’t find better.
Also, this isn’t really about your concern for them. ‘Demographic’ concerns as if it’s your right to police who moves in – something that has nothing to do with whether or not there’s a third bedroom.
Other people need a place to live too. Parking concerns – as if 1 extra person is going to cause sooooo many problems. In a building where they can’t fill the apartments. Heads up, these people are in a crap living situation because they’re poor.
I doubt they even all have cars.” misconceptions_annoy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am against landlords running slums and making a profit out of not keeping up with a repair. And I think you genuinely don’t want to see any tenants living under him screwed over because he is cramming them all together in that tiny space.
However, it’s also the renter’s choice if they decide to live somewhere without many community rooms (I.E. living room, dining room, kitchen) and what is best for their own situation. They might find that they just need a room with four walls for a short bit of time before they are back in a bigger space, so renting from your neighbor is perfect.
We don’t know all the details and this could be beneficial for the renters, too.
In my opinion, if they aren’t hurting anybody and don’t seem to be mistreated by the owner, I’d keep an eye out for any signs of mistreatment and not say anything until something suspicious or concerning comes up.
If there isn’t any harm happening, then it should be fine. If it gets out of hand, as in nosiness, safety concerns, or lack of parking, then you have every right to turn them in. Good luck out there!” hotdog_chicken
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You don’t even know what people are gonna nice in and whether or not they all have a car, so you’re making up scenarios in your head to be a snitch.
The ‘it doesn’t seem fair to renters’ remark seems like you try to find a way to sound nice, but the thing is anyone who wants to rent the flat knows beforehand what the flat looks like.
And it’s not said that if he doesn’t change the number of bedrooms fewer people would move in because in this economy people share rooms too.” annamariapix
2. AITJ For Not Taking My Partner's Daughter Shopping?
“We’ve been together for just over a year. We moved in together around 3 months ago, or rather she moved in with me. We were both single parents, I have a 14-year-old daughter and she has a 16-year-old daughter.
Our kids never really got along, they’re not hostile toward each other but they have completely different characters and don’t really have anything in common. My daughter likes my partner but my partner’s daughter doesn’t really like me.
So I wasn’t working on Thursday and decided to pick up the girls from school because I was bored (they usually get an Uber). After lunch, her daughter went up to her room as always while mine stayed in the living room watching Disney+.
After about an hour or so she asked me if we could go shopping because she wanted to get some new shoes and other clothes. So I agreed and I told her daughter that we were leaving.
The shopping took us longer than I expected and we came back after about 4 hours and by that time my partner was already home from work. And when she saw all the shopping bags she got mad that I didn’t take her daughter shopping too.
We argued about this for a while and I told her that I don’t mind spoiling my daughter but I’m not going to spend my money on her kid when she never spends money on mine. She then started pointing out how I make more than her etc and it became a whole thing.
Was I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“You have only been living together for three months. You have to decide how to handle your finances. Whether you are going to combine your money into a joint account or keep things separate.
If you make a lot more than she does, you have to decide if you are willing to subsidize her income with yours. Ideally, you should have discussed this before you moved in.
You have a legal and moral obligation to provide for your child.
You have to decide if you want to take on the obligation of providing for her. You need to discuss this with your partner.
You don’t mention the other parents in your story. Hopefully, both girls have the other parents’ support in their lives too.
What financial agreement did you have in place prior to moving in?
NTJ at this point. You need to discuss expectations.” ContentedRecluse
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here because it seems like you slapped two families together without thinking about the realities and logistics.
You purposely left out your SO’s child, that’s harsh. It doesn’t read as though the child has done anything to warrant the hostility that’s vibing from this post. You stated the child didn’t like you, I’m thinking that’s (1) fairly normal when mashing two families together with no sense of direction or purpose and (2) you may be the reason they don’t like you if you’re pulling stuff like this.
This is going to be a disaster if you both keep thinking like this and keeping score, just for your information.” Lacroix24601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you did was the right thing. You and your partner clearly have separate finances, it’s a smart thing to do and I hope you keep it that way.
You took your daughter shopping for new clothes and there’s nothing wrong with that. You said your partner’s daughter doesn’t like you and your daughter and her don’t get along very well. You’re not obligated to pay for new clothes for your partner’s kid.
If your partner’s daughter wants to go shopping, either her mom can take her or she can get a job and pay for it herself, she’s 16 after all. Your entitled partner being mad at you is ridiculous and she should apologize.
It doesn’t matter if you make more money than her. It’s your money and you can spend it however you like. If you don’t want to spend it on her kid it shouldn’t be such a big deal.” CutePandaMiranda
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. To me, it comes down to willingness (or not) to get along. I mean this for everyone involved. They’ve all only been living together for 3 months so there is an adjustment, especially with older kids.
But it just doesn’t seem like OP is really trying with the other daughter. It’s not about spending money, it’s about trying to build relationships and OP doesn’t seem to care. He can’t expect a kid to be the bigger person and initiate getting closer.
He’s the adult.
OP should have included both girls in his offer to shop. She might say no, but at least she’s being included if she wants to.” jaezii
1. AITJ For Telling Someone To Move His Crying Baby Out Of A Quiet Area In The Zoo?
“I (19M) visited the zoo today with my family and we were checking out the koalas, which I was especially excited to see.
You may not know this, but koalas apparently need over eighteen hours of sleep a day to function or else they can get quite unhealthy quite quickly, and so any exhibit of them at a zoo will often come with an expectation that you maintain a certain level of silence while observing them.
This zoo today was no exception – you are made to go through two gates, both of which have signage saying ‘Please be quiet, keep the noise down, silence please, etc’ and then the door to the koala house itself has another sign: ‘Please keep noise levels to a minimum’.
With all those reminders, I figured people would get the memo, but as soon as we entered the enclosure (which was a small room indoors with a glass window looking into the koala pen), I spotted a couple in their early thirties with two young kids and a baby.
I somewhat apprehensively tried to observe the koalas (they were so cute and my little sister was happy to see them) but then, like clockwork, the baby starts crying. Hardly the baby’s fault – it’s a baby, they cry – so I gave the dad of the family the benefit of the doubt thinking he’d either take the baby out or calm her down.
A few moments pass; the baby gets more annoyed and cries louder. The koalas scurry away, hiding in their cubby holes, and others wake up from their sleeping. I give the dad the look. I feel like everyone knows the look – we’ve either had someone give it to us or give it to someone else.
I’m not sure I’d ever been on this end of it, but I’d definitely received some looks at times. Baby continues to cry. I (being a socially awkward autistic teenager) grapple with the idea that the dad might have missed my giving him the look so I do the classic: I shake my head and give a little sigh.
No change. I throw another look his way – this time a little more firm – but I feel like I overdo it – my eyes are a little too intense, perhaps – because suddenly the dad is saying, in the voice of someone who’s just gotten a lecture ‘Well alright mate, it’s just a baby’ to which I reply with a gesture towards the sign ‘Silence, please.’ ‘But it’s a baby!’ he says.
‘Well don’t bring a baby in here’ I reply, in a whisper. My parents jump on me, thinking I’m out of line and the couple and their kids give me the filthiest of looks and leave the enclosure, leaving me feeling very tense.
What do we think? I feel like this is a very common struggle in a public place where there aren’t always members of staff to enforce the rules. We want to pick our battles, of course, but this family bringing their baby in spoiled my little sister’s magical moment of seeing a koala for the first time.
Surely they should’ve seen the signs and thought ‘Probably best not to bring little Charlie in’ or, if they really wanted to see the koalas, the dad could’ve stayed outside with the baby and the mum and the kids could’ve gone in.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Warning: rant incoming. I think you’re fine, you didn’t even say anything that mean? In social settings like this, some looks can save them the embarrassment (if they catch on, which this guy clearly didn’t) of them getting verbally called out.
Also, it reduces noise. OP would be a hypocrite to talk to the dad, making more noise himself, while he was mad about the family making too much noise. Sure, maybe you should’ve left it up to the staff.
But I agree with you, people shouldn’t be stupid enough to bring a baby that will inevitably cry at some point into a silent place.
There was an abundance of signs saying to be quiet. Can they not read?
Your assessment of ‘maybe shouldn’t bring the baby in’ is spot on, in my opinion. If a couple brought their baby into a movie theater, a place that has a similar expectation of remaining quiet, and their kid starts screaming….
People would get justifiably mad! This is arguably worse than that because you’re disturbing animals.
If the couple really wanted to bring their older children in, they could’ve taken turns. One stays outside with the baby, one goes in with the older children, then comes out to watch the baby, other parent goes in.
Too inconvenient? Too bad. You chose to have kids and you can’t bring all kids everywhere all the time. You could also have just one parent go in with the older children and leave it at that.
It’s not like it was a solo parent who had no choice but to bring all 3 inside. Or, better yet, don’t go see the koalas if you can’t follow the rules.
Tons of options that don’t involve making other people and animals inconvenienced by your children.
If the baby started crying and they left soon after, that would be fine. If the baby was in a deep sleep, that’s okay as long as they’re quiet. But as soon as the kid starts crying loudly, you need to take them out.
He tried to say it was okay just because the baby doesn’t know better. Well, you should! For Pete’s sake. From how you’re describing it, it sounds like this kid was crying for a while too.
Not cool.” ilovesunsets93
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A zoo is a family-friendly place, it’s meant for everyone. As a parent, it is already stressful to have kids out and about and have everyone on their best behavior.
It almost never happens, kids have meltdowns and parents can’t always calm them down. Should he have left? Yeah. But it’s not anyone’s place to judge him or the mom for trying to give their kids the same experience as your parents did for you and your sister.
Give them some grace, being a parent is hard and can be very stressful, having someone judging you and giving you dirty looks isn’t going to make it any easier or less stressful. The baby already belted out and scared the koalas, leaving wasn’t going to fix that most likely.” Mommabear0224
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they had 2 grown-ups for 3 kids. One should’ve left with the crying kid while the other stayed with older kids. Animals shouldn’t have to put up with noisy visitors when indicated that quietness is expected.
Also, if parents take toddlers with them, they need to make sure kids don’t disturb anybody. I ‘love’ parents, who basically ignore their kid’s cries in public saying they teach them to come down on their own.
Hey, you can listen to this crap all you want, ALONE. Other people didn’t sign up for that. If they at least tried to come to the kid down, that’s one thing, but they ignored both – the signs and their kid crying.” Ok_Yesterday_6214
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Clearly, this baby wasn’t crying on entry. There are two ways of looking at this. The way that the majority seem to believe: OP is entitled to be the judge of what is acceptable and what time frame the family needs to leave when their baby starts crying.
Hard to tell whether it was reasonable or not. Personally, I would take a baby in there with no worries but leave sharpish if they started crying.
The second way of considering it is that being a parent is really hard work.
The baby won’t have been crying on entry and it is ENTIRELY reasonable to take your kids in to see when the baby is not screaming. Then some judgemental teenager makes a bad situation worse while they try and figure out what’s going on.
Standing there making disapproving noises until finally out of exasperation, having a bad situation made worse by OP the dad says ‘it’s a baby’.
I feel OP’s final paragraph might give some light as to which one applies.
‘This family bringing their baby in spoiled my little sister’s magical moment’ so that is the real issue here. The baby was fine but started crying, OP behaved like a bit of a jerk to the parents and the dad made a snarky comment.
‘best not bring little Charlie in’ baby wasn’t crying, and the couple has two other kids to chase around. It’s not unreasonable. It’s hard to say because if no attempts to calm or remove the child were made then the parents could be the jerks here.
OP to me however sounds like a socially inept, emotionally immature teenage kid to be honest with what is described. Everything is strictly black and white with no empathy for others. But it’s hard to tell.
I’ll go with ‘everyone sucks here’ because OP’s behavior sounds just wholeheartedly unhelpful, unempathetic, and generally a bit trashy.
Having said this it does not sound like the parents tried to calm/remove the baby in a reasonable time frame which is also completely unacceptable and ruining everyone else’s good time. It kinda all depends here.” speakingtoidiots
Dear parents, the world neither revolves around nor stops because you have a baby. If your baby starts crying in the be quiet area of the zoo - MOVE OUT OF THE AREA WITH YOUR BABY.
NTJ
