People Want Straightforward Judgment For Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Serving My Cousins Grilled Cheese?
“On Saturday I (32F) found out my aunt and uncle would be coming over to the home my mom and I on Tuesday share for my uncle to put up shelves and my mom to give them both haircuts (my mom does hairdresser as a second job).
I love to cook and cook regularly for my mom, my son (8m) and I and so mom has bragged to her sisters (aunt) about my cooking so I was requested to cook. I came up with a rice-based casserole with meat, bell peppers, and cheese and seasoned with my homemade taco seasoning that would suit all our tastes, except my son’s (I’ll get to that in a bit), and even toned down the spices because my aunt and uncle very much dislike spice.
I thought everything was all set and perfect.
On Monday evening I found out that two of my aunt’s five children would also be joining us Beth (20f) and Bill (17m). Which is a problem. Bill won’t eat any meat but hamburgers, anything with veggies in it, or rice and Beth won’t eat anything spicier than table pepper, anything with veggies in it, or anything with rice mixed with other stuff.
(This family orders chicken wings plain and dips them in ketchup.) Meaning they would not be able to make what I had planned, but already prepared the casserole and put it in the fridge so I would just have to bake it on Tuesday evening.
I’m out of work on disability so I can’t afford to let the food to go to waste. I decided that since my son has food issues (too long to go into detail here but I’d be happy to explain if anyone asks) and I already was planning on making him grilled cheese, I figured I’d just make a few more for them too and tell them they could choose which they wanted.
Tuesday came and we had… An evening (we’re very different people so it’s always a bit awkward). But overall it was pleasant. My cousins chose to eat the grilled cheese as did my son, and everyone else ate my casserole.
There were no complaints.
Wednesday afternoon I started getting texts in my cousin’s group chat saying that I offended them by making grilled cheese because it was infantile and it meant I thought they were babyish. I told them I did that because I don’t ever want someone to leave my house hungry and I knew they wouldn’t eat the dish I made so what else was I supposed to do?
They said I should have made them spaghetti. (In my family spaghetti also includes my grandma’s famous homemade sauce.) I told them they were being ridiculous and entitled brats and they were lucky I was considerate to make them food at all.
Which I guess was a bad choice. They told their mom who told the entire family and now it’s a big mess of drama and everyone is fighting about it and I feel really guilty because I made them grilled cheese which is treating them like babies and called them entitled brats because they wanted spaghetti instead.
So AITJ for assuming they wouldn’t eat my food and making them grilled cheese which they saw as baby food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re on a budget and had already planned and prepared a meal without being informed of the number of people that were coming to your home.
They (it sounds like) invited themselves over without much notice, and are expecting you to cater to their food wants (not needs, there is a difference between a food need and a food want. They don’t have allergies, they’re just picky.) This was very disrespectful towards you and you still graciously made a plan that worked for you and your budget.
Heck, I’m 33 and I still love getting a grilled cheese. It’s not infantilizing someone to make them a grilled cheese. If they’re this picky, they should provide for themselves.” VixieWillow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You found out late that they were coming after you had already made the dinner, and it doesn’t really sound like you invited them anyways, so you made them a sandwich.
Also, they have some weird diet restrictions which aren’t your problem. I guess I probably would have offered them the casserole, knowing that they wouldn’t eat it, then offered to make them sandwiches instead but doesn’t really matter.
Seems like no big deal to me and they are just being entitled/weird.
Tell both of them to learn how to eat adult food then next time they can have what the adults are eating… what kind of adults don’t eat spicy food, vegetables, or anything but hamburgers? Sounds like my 6-year-old niece.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They do have children’s palettes, but grilled cheese is also on many adult menus. And that the meat spaghetti they required is frequently on kids’ menus. Coupled with the bratty whining about dinner at a guest’s house leads me to think they both ARE giant babies and you should buy some bibs and sippy cups for their next visit.” toodifficulttodecide
17. WIBTJ If I Wear A Suit At My Own Wedding?
“I (32M) and my fiancé (31F) are getting married this winter in a couple of days.
We decided to have a nice snow-themed fun wedding where our kid (3M) and other children could play. We have decided to have a little wedding (50-100) so that it can be an extra special event that we only celebrate with family and close friends.
Here is where the problem starts. My best friend is a professional suit-maker (or at least that is what he calls himself) and made me a perfectly fitting high-quality outfit for the wedding. My fiancé has the most beautiful wedding gown I have ever seen.
We look amazing together and are extremely excited about the wedding.
Recently, my best friend (the suitmaker) sadly passed two days ago, and his family is really sad. My suit was the last suit that he made, and his family wanted it so that he could have it buried with him.
The wedding at this point is coming up and the suit already is my dream suit (and I already spent a lot of money buying it). I already feel stressed due to all the complications that come with having a wedding.
I said to his family that I would be wearing the suit to the wedding but would return the suit after it is over.
His family is calling me a jerk because it is apparently disrespectful to wear it to the party.
They also said that the burial is before the wedding and that it wouldn’t work.
So, WIBTJ if I wore the suit?
UPDATE: So, the wedding was this weekend, and it couldn’t have gone worse…
So, Saturday was the Bachelor (and bachelorette) party, and our party took place in a couple of different places.
Anyway, the bachelor party was made so that everyone wrote down what they thought would be a fun thing to do. Turns out, my best friend (the suitmaker) had already written his ‘note’ and we decided as a group to do all the activities chosen by him.
We played laser tag, went to the baseball game, and went to a bar to drink and have fun. I had a blast and was enjoying the time at my party, and we were out until 1 in the morning.
I wake up at 11:00 am in the morning and start dressing up for the wedding.
Now is a good chance to say thank you for all the comments, we decided that I should wear the suit to the wedding to honor my best friend. So, it’s probably 2 pm at this point and the wedding starts.
I’m now standing there at the altar when the parents of my best friend walk in (they don’t have an invitation).
I then have a feeling that this isn’t going to be on script.
You may have guessed it by now but, the parents wanted the suit back.
They said that we should rush to the wedding so that they could pick up the suit for the burial. I then decide to tell them to deal with their grief another way and not to ruin my wedding so that they can have a burial. I said that they could have the suit after the wedding, but I will not be ruining my own wedding so that they can have the suit.
Security then comes and exports them out. We all have a good wedding after that and it’s now Monday morning and in the airport about to go on my honeymoon.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your friend made you the suit FOR your wedding, not himself.
I cannot imagine a better way to celebrate and honor his skill and friendship than to wear it to your wedding. I think returning the suit is a fair compromise after the wedding. The family is obviously dealing with a tragic loss, but he made it for you.
I’d be hard-pressed to think he didn’t make himself a suit along the way that he would rather be buried in any way.” ToxicLogics
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First of all, I am sorry about your friend. That is awful and it can’t be easy for you to lose a best friend, especially right before your wedding.
His family is also grieving, so they may be lashing out at you for seeing things differently than them. Cut them some slack, too.
I think it is a great honor that you are wearing this suit to your wedding.
It’s like he can’t be there, but a part of him will be. And honestly, you’ll look better in it than it’ll look in an enclosed box.
I think you did the best thing possible by offering to return the suit after the wedding.
Aren’t there any other suits that they can use? I would presume there are a lot of them if he’s a suitmaker, where you might only have this one fantastic suit!” Watchfull_Hosemaster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s your suit.
YOUR SUIT. He made it for you.
And it’s for your wedding day. I get that they’re grieving and that they think this would be a nice thing to do, but they’re out of line.
‘It is apparently disrespectful to wear it to the party.’ No, it is appropriate and in fact, is the perfect way to honor him.
He literally made it for you for this day. Wear it for its created purpose. And please please keep it. It’s yours and you deserve that memory too.
There are other ways to honor his life as a suit-maker without burying him with (not in?!) a suit he custom-made for his best friend for an event that hasn’t yet happened.
I’m really sorry for your loss.” embopbopbopdoowop
16. AITJ For Being Honest With My Family?
“I (28M) am a writer.
I mostly write sensual genre and while I don’t make a ton of money doing it I make enough to get by and I enjoy my work. My immediate family knows about this and is fine with it, other than my mother.
While mom is supportive of me and is glad I enjoy my work, she is embarrassed by it and won’t tell her friends or family what I do. If anybody asks I just say I am a writer, but if mom is around she normally jumps into the conversation and blows it off like it’s not a serious thing.
I normally just let it go though as it’s not a big deal to me and I don’t want to embarrass my mother.
So anyways, thanksgiving comes around and I head home for our annual dinner. The whole family is there and everybody is having a good time.
My mother manages to change the topic whenever someone asks about what I’m doing, which was annoying but I could live with it. Things were going well until grandma asks me what I’m doing for work. Mom tries to change the subject again but Grandma is not swayed, her gaze stayed directed at me.
Mom then interjects and tells everyone that I’m working at Denny’s. My brother and I shared a quick glance of confusion. Grandma gets excited as she and Grandpa go to Dennys at least three times a week (which is really confusing why mom would pick Dennys in the first place to choose in her lie, but whatever.)
So grandma starts asking questions about my ‘new job.’ I never got the chance to answer any of them as mom would answer them for me. Finally, I had had enough and said loudly ‘I don’t work at Denny’s, I’m a writer.” (I do feel bad about yelling in front of my grandparents, but I was just annoyed.) My mom looked horrified and started crying while the rest of the family shared looks of confusion with each other.
My grandfather, not phased by any of this, asks me what I write, as he mows down on turkey (the only one left eating at this point.) As I explain to him that write sensual/intimate stories, my mom continues to bawl her eyes out and runs out of the room crying.
Grandpa seems intrigued with my line of work and ask many questions, but we ended up having a good conversation. The rest of the family seemed to settle down and continue eating, nobody but mom seemed upset. My mom did end up coming back to the room to clean up but would not speak with anyone the rest of the night.
My sister says I’m the jerk for making a scene and making my mother seem like a liar in front of everybody. My brother thought the whole thing was kind of funny and agrees with me, other than yelling in front of grandma which I do feel bad about.
I haven’t spoken to my mother since as I’m not sure what to say, she is a good mother and I do love her. AITJ and should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom shouldn’t have lied. It’s not her choice to keep your job a secret from other adults.
YOU make that call. And you made a good one! Your grandpa clearly had no problem with it. The only person who has a problem with your job is your mom, and if she wants to not participate in conversations about your job, she can!
She can even request to not hear details! But she can’t make you lie to other people about it.
Also, romance is, if I recall correctly, a genre most likely to actually make you enough money to live on, so good for you for having the talent and skill for that!” Vivid_Wings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother needs to just learn to tell the truth. That you are a writer. There is absolutely nothing wrong with writing sensual stories. Seems your mom is the only person who has an issue with your line of work.
Apologize to grandma about your yelling in front of her.
And tell mom if she doesn’t want to be seen as a liar then she needs to stop with lies. Tell your mom that she needs to grow up. She isn’t supportive of you.
She needs to get over her shame.” demonmonkey1313
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was the one digging herself deeper with the lie and putting more and more lies out there and would have been found out eventually since you don’t work at Denny’s and your grandparents would have asked for you.
There is nothing wrong with what you write and you’re making money and enjoying the work. And it seems like she is the only one with the problem.” MaleficentBasil4
15. AITJ For Answering My Neighbor's Kid's Questions About Divorce?
“I (40f) am getting divorced. I have two kids, ages 3 and 5. My ex (we’ll call him J) has been out of our house since February 2022.
When J first moved out I was awarded full physical placement (for a number of reasons), but halfway through summer when he got established with a steady job and an apartment we moved to a 50/50 placement schedule.
Next door is a young family with two kids similar in age to mine.
There’s only a short fence between our yards, so the kids get to talk to and play with each other a lot. The parents and I have always gotten along very well. The main difference between us is that they are very religious and I am not in any way.
However, that’s never been a problem, and I’ve always been supportive when their kids talk to me about it (nothing huge, things like saying ‘Happy Birthday Jesus’ on Christmas day).
When my kids started staying at their dad’s half the time, the kids next door would often see me alone and ask where my kids were, and my answer was always ‘They’re with their dad right now, they’ll be back on (insert day).’
A couple of weeks ago, after they asked me where my kids were, the 5-year-old then asked why J didn’t live at the house anymore. My approach to kids is always, to be honest, but use age-appropriate language. So I told him a similar spiel that my kids have heard, along the lines of: ‘J and I are getting a divorce, which means that we don’t want to be married anymore.
We were having lots of fights and weren’t doing a good job living in the same house. Now that we live apart, we are both a lot happier, which has helped us be better mommies and daddies.’ The kiddo took that in stride and went off to play.
The next day, I got a string of angry texts from their mom. She said I had no right to speak to her kids about divorce and that they focus on the sanctity of marriage in their household. She said her eldest asked if she and her husband were going to get divorced and that he isn’t old enough to be worrying or even thinking about that.
She accused me of ‘scarring’ her child. Finally, she asked that the next time they ask me a question, I should tell her kids to ask his parents and say nothing more.
I will absolutely follow that request going forward; I have no intention of trying to impose more ‘divorce talk’ on their kids.
However, I felt pretty attacked for answering a question honestly, with age-appropriate language, and ending it on a high note that J and I are actually better parents this way. But maybe I shouldn’t have said anything at all. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You were asked a question and answered it honestly and appropriately. I might have left out the fighting part but if I were your neighbor and you said that to my kids, neither myself nor my wife would be upset in the least.
I do not think you ‘scarred’ her child. It’s not uncommon for kids to ask their parents about things they hear or see elsewhere. If you see the parents I would wait for them to approach you and then advise them you meant no harm and wanted to be honest. That you will honor their request and did not mean to upset them in any way.
I was raised catholic but we are not religious at all. In my experience, I find people who are VERY religious seem to either be really cool and normal or over the top and crazy. I would just watch my step with your neighbors.
Oh, and I am sorry you are going through the divorce and hope all gets better for you soon.” ElephantNecessary366
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – First – In what world is it appropriate for a NEIGHBOR to explain the meaning of the divorce to a TODDLER and a KINDERGARTENER… much less talk to them about you and your husband fighting and being happier living apart.
Get a therapist or some friends if you want to talk to someone about these topics. Your only response to the 5-year-old’s question should have been ‘we decided that we wanted to live in different houses.’
Second – You cannot ignore how irresponsible you were to drop a bomb like this on someone else’s YOUNG kids and leave it to the parents to deal with any fallout.
Of course, the 5-year-old is now unnecessarily worried about his parents getting divorced… you only gave him a small portion of the information a child would need to be able to understand divorce. You weren’t able to explain how divorce might affect him and his own family.
And now his mom has to deal with this situation. You owe her a big apology.” Remarkable_Buyer4625
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not at fault for answering your neighbor’s kids’ questions about divorce honestly and with age-appropriate language.
It is not your responsibility to censor yourself or to protect their child from the reality of divorce. It is their parents’ job to explain and address any further concerns or questions their child may have. It is important to respect their request to not discuss divorce with their children going forward, but you did not do anything wrong in answering the initial question.” MaliTheMinecraftCat
14. AITJ For Not Giving My Dad Money For His Wedding?
“My (22F) mom (41F) had a one-night stand with my biological father (50M) at a super-wild party. My mom never attempted to contact her sperm donor and instead raised me herself. Only last year did I track my dad down using AncestoryDNA.
So, I’m trying to view his life decisions as objectively as possible.
I met my dad for the first time EVER last year. It did not go well. I also discovered that his personal life is kind of a mess.
He is divorced from his first wife (48F), with whom he has 3 children, 2 of whom he is paying child support for. He also squandered his ex-wife’s inheritance while having affairs.
Last week, my dad called again. He told me that he is getting remarried to a 25-year-old Asian woman that he impregnated. Her parents are demanding proof that he can provide for her, but he’s flat broke and owes $15K in child support/alimony.
My dad asks if he can borrow a few thousand dollars to ‘save his face until the wedding’ (his words). I say I’d love to help, but I’m barely solvent: I owe $100K in student loans, I earn barely $40K per year due to my ‘useless’ liberal arts degree (his words), my rent is being jacked up, I need to help pay my mom’s medical bills, etc…
but actually, I have $0 in student loans because I attended college on a scholarship and worked to pay off the rest; I earn six figures a year as a freelance copywriter and author; I just bought the condo I’m living in; and my mom is perfectly healthy.
My dad’s ex-wife once told me that I’m more his child than any of his legitimate children: that is, I’m a complete jerk who doesn’t care about anyone (besides my mom). Agree or disagree?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ.
So. Not.
Give. That. Man. Money.
You will probably be sparing the poor woman he’s trying to marry from an awful life too.
If he continues to ask, come up with increasingly more complex and/or outrageous reasons… Ie. Your goldfish needs life support, you’re saving to buy part of a Caribbean island as a timeshare, you have an undescended ovary that requires surgery, or your car’s glow spark needs to be replaced, or your mom’s toes fell off and you need to get her replacement toes before sandal season.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: The likelihood of you ever getting any of that money back is slim to none. You do not owe him anything in life just because he mixed a batch with your Mom one night 22 years and 9ish months ago.
If he ever finds out you lied, oh well. What kind of person asks their kid they have known for 1 year for that kind of money? Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t considered explaining to his future wife and inlaws what an absolute stud he is in the kids and ex-spouse department as well as financials.
You not having an interest in his family or anyone but those you care about isn’t a case of the apple not falling far from the tree but a simple fact of them being family by b***d and nothing more.
Enjoy your well earned dept free success!” alreadyovereacting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad seems like one of the worst human beings alive. Your mom made a smart choice never roping this guy into your life.
Okay. Not only does he abandon you, but he abandons one of his other kids too (since he isn’t paying child support for all his kids).
But also he’s a creep who sleeps with women half his age.
When he needs to prove he’s a responsible potential partner, he can’t do it because he’s broke (no judgment for me on the broke part, we all struggle).
So his solution is to LIE by getting money from someone else.
And when he asks you for money he simultaneously INSULTS YOU AND YOUR LIFE CHOICES by calling your highly-professional line of work ‘useless.’
And now he and his family are guilt-tripping you.
No. OP. Don’t ever give this man a dime. And, obviously, this isn’t my decision to make, but I wouldn’t even give him another minute of your time either. Cut him from your life.” ghosts-on-the-ohio
But now, you do.
Go no contact with that walking @**$ and don't give him a dime. Because if you do, you'll have him leeching off you for the rest of your life.
Good luck!
13. AITJ For Making My Sister Choose Between A Stable Life And Her Partner?
“I (F27) was asked by my sister to move in and help.
At the time she was single and struggling really badly financially. It’s been a year and she’s back with baby daddy #1. They had broke up before the child was born 14 years ago because he was on illegal substances really badly.
He’s been couch surfing, stealing, and bumming. For some reason, she thought it was a good idea to get back with him and immediately move him in.
Since he’s moved in all he’s done is eat, pee, and sleep.
He doesn’t lift a finger to help. He’s still on illegal substances really bad. He stole his own daughter’s ADHD meds and took them. He has stolen multiple items of high price value off of me and sold them for a fix.
We have little to no food in the house because of him. He doesn’t work and doesn’t contribute anything. He takes the money that she works for even tho he owes her THOUSANDS of dollars in child support he’s never paid.
I finally put my foot down and told her that he either leaves and doesn’t come back or she can figure out how to make the bills/get food on her own. She hasn’t said anything since. She has told a few people about what I said and they are calling me a jerk saying I know she needs the help.
So AITJ?
Edit: The house isn’t mine, it’s in her name. When I gave her the choice I meant it as ‘He either goes and I stay to continue to help you financially or I move out’. I already have a place lined up.
Edit 2: She’s staying with her friends so I have time to claim down and think about what I’m choosing to do. I sent this ‘It’s not about what I’m choosing to do but what you choose and keep choosing.
Don’t expect me to be here when you come back tomorrow. I’ll be calling Monday and have my card removed from the accounts. If I were you I would stop and get job applications for him on your way home’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister is as addicted to her partner as he is to illegal substances. If she’s willing to let him hang around and leech off her, there’s nothing you can do except get out of the situation.
You don’t owe him anything at all, except maybe a boot to the butt. To continue trying to ‘fix’ this is only enabling your sister in her horrible choices. Time to go – she’ll either decide to dump him and move on, or she won’t, but letting them drag you down with them is being a jerk to yourself.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only thing that I think you’ve done wrong here is giving her a choice – as you describe above, she’s had loads of choices with this man and picked wrong nearly every time.
She’ll almost certainly pick wrong again.
I think it would have been better perhaps to just get rid of this wastrel, either by kicking him out yourself or better yet getting the cops involved over the property he has pinched/the debts he owes/the substances he is clearly still on.” _rodent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you aren’t making her choose between stable living or her partner.
You are simply controlling who lives in your home. And with extremely good reasons (he isn’t sober in your home; he is stealing from you, etc.).
Plus you are willing to financially help your sister and niece but not everyone else she chooses to bring into her life.
She could still visit him outside the home. Of course, she needs to terminate the relationship with her partner.
But, as I read it, you aren’t actually requiring her to do that. Just that he doesn’t live or visit your home.” tropicaldiver
12. AITJ For Not Giving My Sister Back To My Dad?
“I (28f) have a pretty messed up family dynamic. I’m the oldest of 5, then there’s my little sister, Jenna (16f), then 2 boys (14 and 12), then another girl (9). Our mom blatantly favors the younger 3. I moved out when Jenna was 4 but I’ve always babysat her, she’s slept over at least one weekend a month, and we talked every day.
Both boys have a learning disability and anger issues. The youngest girl is just a brat. I don’t speak to any of them. My mom enables all of them. Then there’s my dad. He’s spineless but he is sympathetic to Jenna.
Around 18 months ago, my dad called and asked if I could take Jenna (then 14) for a few months. He wanted to leave our mom and wanted her to be in a safe place. I took her in and at first things were okay.
My dad gave me a couple hundred a month to help with her expenses, he visited a few times a week and they FaceTimed daily. Over time, the visits became fewer and fewer and the payments stopped. My dad hasn’t seen Jenna in 4 months and hasn’t spoken to her in 2.
He’s also gotten into arguments with me about me moving Jenna to a school closer to me and openly judges my parenting. I was driving Jenna to a crappy school (2/10 rating) 20 miles away every day when there’s a school with a 9/10 half a mile away.
Jenna has been with me so long that I’m actually in the process of buying a bigger house for us (we’re in a 2 bed 1 bath and we’re moving to a 5 bed 3 bath).
A couple of weeks ago, my dad called and told me he got a house and he wants Jenna back.
He has custody of all of her siblings and bought a 2 bed 2 bath condo 60 miles away from me. I’ve talked to Jenna and she doesn’t want to go. She doesn’t feel safe sharing a room with her siblings, she doesn’t want to change schools, and she doesn’t want to be 60 miles from me.
I told my dad that Jenna and I don’t feel comfortable with her being so far from me and having to share a room with her younger siblings so she’s going to stay with me.
He said that I can’t do that and she has to live with her parent but she hasn’t lived with him in a year and a half.
She hasn’t spoken to him in 2 months and hasn’t seen him in 4. I’m going to court to have her stay with me but my entire family (except Jenna, of course) is against me so I wanted to know if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but he’s also right. You can’t do that, he’s her parent and (apparently) legal guardian and she was staying with you with his permission. You need to talk to a lawyer as soon as possible if you want to dispute it.
I do have a feeling that you’re being biased by your poor opinion of your family and kind of stuck in the attitude that it’s ‘you and her’ against them.
The fact that there would be 4 kids, boys, and girls, sharing a bedroom would look pretty bad if it came in front of a judge and her wanting to stay with you AND him asking you to take her in the first place would look good… but the laws on this vary a lot and some judges just wouldn’t care.
If he’s as spineless as you think he might just cave rather than go through another custody battle, but if he reports her as a runaway you’re likely to have a knock at your door and a police car to drive her ‘home’.
ETA: Apparently she is the legal guardian which leaves him playing the world’s smallest violin. He thought he was gaming the system by sending her to OP’s house during the custody battle for the other kids and he’s being a sore loser now that he lost the game.” Rando_R_Random_IV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by any means. But I will say document everything. Keep all receipts showing that she’s been in your care for as long as she has. Also don’t delete any sort of text messages and make sure all communication goes through writing just in case he decides to throw a false kidnapping charge or something like that.
She should be considered old enough to be allowed to choose, but that varies not only from place to place but also from judge to judge. So it’s best you have all your ducks in a row.” MuffinOk5507
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep Jenna with you. There is nothing wrong with her staying with you. If he thought there was, he would have never asked you in the first place. 5 people in a 2 bedroom, umm no. There seems to be a lot going on in her life, and you seem to have it a lot better.
Unless you are letting her do inappropriate things, I don’t understand what the issue is. She doesn’t feel safe there, don’t make her go back there. Take him to court. Do what is best for her.” Downtown_Mission_206
11. AITJ For Saying That My Wife's Boundaries Caused My Mom's Favoritism?
“My wife’s sister (Lucy) has a terrible relationship with her in-laws, and because of this, my wife is big on boundaries around my family and especially my mom. Her sister often discusses what boundaries she should have since we found out we were having our son 3 years ago.
The main issue comes from the fact that my brother’s (21) partner, Zara, gave birth to my niece (3) around the same time our son was born so they are only a couple of months apart. Zara’s dad is really the only family she has and he has been a family friend for quite a while and works quite often, so my mom is kind of a mother figure for her.
My wife has a problem with the closeness my mom has with my niece and says it isn’t fair to my son that my mom sees my niece so often. I know his partner visits most days and vice versa for the company and whatnot and I tried to tell her that it’s because my brother’s partner doesn’t really have anyone else.
My wife’s sister was over yesterday and they were talking about how crazy they thought it was that my mom was in the hospital room when my niece was born. Lucy started making passive-aggressive comments about both Zara and my mom, about how they probably did it in spite of my wife having strict boundaries (I should add that it was an extremely traumatic birth and my brother did not cope well).
I argued that point and said that she wasn’t just there for Zara, but for him too, and said that she can’t place boundaries that affect the closeness of her and mom and call the outcome of said boundaries favoritism because my mom chooses to respect those boundaries.
Lucy started to get angry at me for defending them and said that Zara should have those same boundaries and she doesn’t have them out of spite for my wife having them.
The argument just kept going round and round in circles and I told her that she was projecting her own issues with her in-laws onto my family since no one in my family has made problems with my wife’s boundaries and she left early literally storming out of our house shouting about how I must have a perfect family then and that I must be the one that has issues with my wife placing boundaries because I said that is the reason why Zara sees my mom more often and it’s got nothing to do with spite.
My wife continued to argue with me after asking how I could defend them when they are favoring my niece over my own son but in my eyes that is not true. I bring my son to visit my mom as often as I can and I know she loves him just as much and would spend more time with him if she could.
So AITJ? I know that boundaries are important so I do feel like a jerk for making it seem like they are the root problem here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The problem isn’t Grandma, it’s your wife’s jealousy and insecurity that’s making the drama, and her sister Lucy is a giant jerk for stirring the pot.
Of course, your Mom is going to love HER granddaughter (not just your niece) along with her grandson. Your wife’s boundaries are hers to make, but yes, it’s hypocritical to then complain when that limits the time your son gets to spend with her.
Wife and sister need to stop creating issues. It also seems a little misogynistic for her to complain about Zara seeing your Mom. That’s THEIR relationship as the mother of your brother’s daughter.” WholeAd2742
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your wife needs to realize that boundaries need to be set with her sister!!
She’s the one bringing all the issues to your home, I can see why she has issues with her in-laws (I don’t know and I already don’t like her) also how is it fair that her family can come to visit how they please, but your family can’t (they have to leave by a certain time).
Your wife has her own mom, seems Zara only has her father.
Who is your wife to dictate what type of relationship Zara and your mother have, I think you need to sit down with your wife and explain all this?
You don’t want your wife and SIL to put all these ideas in your son’s head once he’s older (grandma having a favorite).” HistorySweet9902
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife didn’t want or ask MIL to be in the room for the birth, cool.
Zara asked your mom to be in the room for the birth, also cool.
Your wife and her sister are toxic. There is no pleasing them. Your wife sets boundaries and your mother follows them, but now they gossip about her for following them.
Your mother is happy to have your son whenever, and your wife is upset that she sees your niece more. So your wife wants to push her boundaries on other people? She expects Zara to limit time with your mother because your wife limits time with your mother.
This is the most absurd logic failure, and at the same time not surprising, because again, this is toxic behavior where your wife is just assuming the worst intentions, deciding people are bad for not doing the same things she is doing and has so little going on in her life that she spends her time gossiping about another woman’s birth plan.” mfruitfly
10. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Christmas With My Dad?
“My (15F) parents have been divorced for 10 years now, but remained amicable until my mom passed away 8 months ago. I used to always, always, spend Christmas eve and Christmas day with my mom, just because it meant more to her and her family than it did my dad (he and his family aren’t really big Christmas lovers, but New Years?
that’s their deal), they never had a problem.
My dad began to date his now partner 3 years ago, she has a 4-year-old son from a previous relationship and to be completely fair the three of us aren’t really close, I like her son and I like to play with him when we’re in the house at the same time, but she and I aren’t really friends and sometimes I feel she ignores me.
This year my dad asked what I wanted to do for Christmas, he offered to drive me to my grandparents and pick me up any day, but it’s still lonely after my mom’s passing, so I asked if we could celebrate it just me and him, nothing big and I promised I won’t ever ask again.
We also didn’t have to make a big dinner and I’ll do it with pizza or something, but I wasn’t really looking forward to spending the day with anyone else but him. The thing is, my mom and I had a whole ‘ritual’ that day, we usually woke up at 8 am, put on music (any music!), and cooked, baked, and wrapped all day while talking and having fun.
My dad dropped my present at 3 pm, every year, and every year my mom gave him a small container full of desserts.
He asked if we could invite his gf and her son and I, being completely honest, said I’d rather not, but that if he insist and made him happy then okay.
He ended up agreeing to be just me and him this year and some family (including his partner) are not happy, since my dad spent the last two years with his partner and her son and people feel like I made him choose, I separated them and I’m not thinking about her kid like at all.
Some cousins called me a jerk and I’m wondering because if I am, I might cancel plans with my dad and just go to my mom’s family.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. It’s totally understandable that a 15-year-old facing her first Christmas without her mom would want to spend special time with her dad.
If anyone is a jerk here it’s the woman, who’s exhibiting a serious lack of empathy. She can’t spare ONE day for her partner to have alone time with his bereaved daughter? She can celebrate with her partner on Christmas Eve and spend Christmas Day with her own family.
I’m so sorry for your loss, OP, I’m sure the first holiday without your mom is going to be incredibly difficult.” ClassicalEd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are grieving, and it’s wonderful that your dad is stepping up to help you.
You may want to sit down with your dad and let him know that the comments the woman and other family members are making about you forcing them apart for Christmas are really hurting you to the point that you are ready to take the emotional hit and say never mind and spend the holiday with your grandparents even though you would rather spend them with him.
Make sure he knows that you are not wanting to put a wedge between him and his partner, or him and the other family members, and as much as it would hurt you, you are willing to step back and let them have the holiday.
He will probably respond by proverbially ripping everyone a new one, not only as your father but as the adult in your situation. Right now as you are adjusting and grieving is the time to keep all communication with your dad open.
Something you might want to consider doing is talking with the woman and telling her that this year while you are grieving your mother you aren’t up to big celebrations involving you, but perhaps she could help with building traditions for future years.
You may have gone all out with your mother in the past, and probably want to keep many of those traditions you and your mother built, but now you need to tailor them to your changed life. Perhaps you don’t make as many different desserts or other foods.
Perhaps it will be not doing the wrapping on that day. Only you know what you may or may not want to continue. Perhaps something new would be doing something special with dad, the woman, and her son in preparation for the days just before Christmas.
Talk this over with your dad and see what ideas you might come up with. It doesn’t need to be implemented this year, but having ideas and potential plans for the future might help with the anger (and bullying) the family is pressing on you.” ToriBethATX
Another User Comments:
“Oh sweetie, you’re NTJ at all, and you have a dad that’s at least trying. It’s never easy to lose a parent, especially at a young age. You and your dad have a great Xmas. If you want to talk about your mom, ask him to tell you some stories about her that you never heard, or fave memory from when you were young or something.
You are not separating them. Also, he made the decision to do just you and him. It’s his relationship, he is the one that needs to deal with it. Does he know people are saying things to you about it?
If he doesn’t, tell him. Also, it is ok to feel bad about this. You can have sympathy and compassion for someone while at the same time not caring to do anything different.
If you did want to do something different you could ask your dad about splitting the day.
It would probably be less drama to ask him for morning and most of the day and say maybe the woman and baby come over like 5 or 6, no earlier than 4 for sure (I say this because if she came over in the am I could see it causing problems when it was time to go).
That way you get the majority of the day with your dad, and they come over later so the little one shouldn’t be up for too long. This would also allow you to go have some alone time (which you may feel you need at the end of the day) if you wanted or needed, without having to worry about feeling bad about leaving him alone or anything.
Regardless, you’re NTJ, make sure your dad knows what’s going on. Also, thank him for being there for you, even though it has caused him some difficulties. I’m sorry for the heartbreak you’re going through right now and sending happy and healing vibes your way.
Have the best Christmas you can.” Nymph-the-scribe
9. AITJ For Making My Friend Pay For Her Own Food?
“I’m broke. Earlier today, I got a text from my friend asking me to come with her to the store to buy some Christmas gifts for her family. Both of us don’t have a car so we had to Uber there and back.
The cost going was $32, and coming back was $36, so $68 in total.
After we got back to her place, she sent me an Apple Pay request charge of $34. I was confused as to why because she was the one that asked me to come with her.
I thought since we didn’t plan on going together and because I didn’t want to go in the first place, I didn’t have to pay for the ride. I mentioned to her, ‘why did you send the request?’ She said, ‘well, we both took the same Uber to go there and come back, so…’.
I was a bit upset but I sent her the money anyway.
Later in the night, I told her I was going to order food (my dad made me use his card). I asked her if she wanted anything, but I had asked in a way to make it seems as if I was going to pay, just like, ‘hey, I’m gonna order food, want anything?’.
She said yes. My order was $34.27 and hers was $47.56. With the delivery fee and tip, it came up to $92.83 in total. After the food came, she looked over and said ‘thanks so much’. I waited until we were both done eating and sent her an Apple Pay request for $53 (that includes her meal, half of the delivery fee, and half tip).
She got very upset with me and told me I was a b-word, she was going on and on about how she thought I was going to pay. I don’t know, am I the jerk here?
Edit: I am a student.
I understand that I could have simply used the money I had to buy groceries, but that would have been impossible for me. I live in dorm hours away from home, my friend doesn’t because her house is 10 minutes away.
So I wouldn’t have anywhere to cook a proper meal.
You might be thinking, why didn’t cook at your friend’s place, I simply didn’t want to do that because her parents weren’t there and I didn’t want to use their things without permission.
My definition of broke is probably different than yours. I have a few bucks in my savings, but that’s for college bills that I can’t touch. I had no money in my checking account because I had sent her the last of it for Uber.
Yes, I understand that the food I ordered was expensive. In my defense, nothing here is cheap, food is overpriced and I thought if I order food that will last me a few days, it was worth it in the end.
Second Edit: She paid me back, and the money was sent back to my dad’s account.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Has she paid you because even if she reimburses you, you are still not made ‘whole’ because there is you are not responsible for half the cost of UBER when someone invites you to the mall because they are running errands?
You share the cost of an UBER when you both have decided to go somewhere that benefits both people – i.e. to a club or other recreational activity both are participating in.
And for what it’s worth, at least among people who I hang out with, it is NEVER assumed that someone else is picking up the cost of a meal unless they literally have invited you over to eat dinner at their house and then it is presumed they are picking up the cost whether it is home cooked or takeout.
But if I am hanging out with a friend and they suggest ordering food OR if someone suggests going out to a restaurant to eat, I assume it is split the bill/Dutch treat.
This whole idea that whoever ‘invites’ the other person pays is very strange to me because someone is always the person who ‘invites’ the other person to do something – i.e. call, email, or text saying let’s have dinner/lunch, or whatever and I wouldn’t assume that means they pay.
There is some ambiguity when it is the first ‘date’ of a romantic kind and very traditionally the male is expected to pay – but most women I know generally offer to split the tab and are prepared to pay and don’t make assumptions.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! She clearly invited you so she could split the Uber ride. Which is messed up.
She also shouldn’t expect someone else to pay for her food. When you go out with friends and they ask you if you want something, you ask them how much it was or ask for the receipt to pay them back.
If they said don’t worry about it or it’s on me that’s when they offered to pay. That person usually pays them back by buying the food next time.
You clearly need to talk to your friend and make things clear.
If you like hanging out with that person let that be known but tell her that you are not in a financially good position. You do like hanging out with her but if it involves money let you know to make sure you can afford it.
You could also make an arrangement to buy groceries at the same time so that way you don’t pay for an Uber ride you just accompanied her for.” Stawberryice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, personally if I invite a friend to run errands with me, I usually cover the cost of travel since I am the one asking for your company and I feel that it is right.
Now your friend did not think the same and asked for payment. Tbh at that moment, she set precedent for anything involving future payment.
With the understanding you’re both currently struggling, then yes she was in her right to ask for half the payments to cover cab fare, but you are also in the right to ask for payment to cover her meal. I would’ve done the same in your shoes.” Chantalle22
8. AITJ For Telling My Grandma Not To Mention My Sister's Relapse In Her Letter?
“My grandma sends out a yearly Christmas letter.
I was at my grandma’s, visiting, today and she showed me her draft of the letter. In the letter, she mentions my sister’s relapse into addiction and how the family has been so strong in such a hard time, with no mention of my sister other than ‘X relapsed back into substance use and it has hurt the US so badly’.
My sister is not my favorite, I wish she would get the help she needs, and yes, it has been hard, but I don’t feel that needs to be detailed in a letter sent to every single family member, some distant who don’t know she’s an addict/relapsed. I also know my sister would see this and would be insanely hurtful to her, and cause her to further pull away from us who are trying to keep her trust so we can help when she’s ready.
So I gently advised my grandma to maybe not put that into the letter, that she doesn’t realize how badly it could affect my sister. My grandma got offended I’m trying to tell her what to do and that everyone deserves to know the truth.
I agree, if anyone asks me about my sister I am honest, but I don’t see how volunteering that information is going to be beneficial to anyone. If anything it means families who aren’t involved could get nosy and start trying to get the gossip from us and that would just cause more stress and drama.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sure, but your grandma is the jerk. It sounds like she’s after what, pity? I’m sure this situation is hard on your family but I agree with what you said, if your sister sees this she will likely be very hurt and not want to reach out for help.
The extended family could ask some pretty triggering questions if they get in touch with her, and if she doesn’t see the newsletter that could be a shock to her to realize they know.
Also sounds like you said you gently advised so I’m assuming it was a calm suggestion and not you yelling at your grandma so yea, NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And I agree that Grandma needs to receive limited information from now on since anything you tell her in confidence is obviously broadcast to the world.
Maybe Grandma needs to be reminded that if she ever wants to have a relationship with her granddaughter in recovery breaking her trust is not the way to go about it and how would she like it if people aired her dirty laundry?
Ultimately you can’t stop your grandmother doing whatever she wants to do but make it clear you won’t be part of any drama and if any relative calls you, wanting further details, just say ‘Sorry I won’t discuss that with you’.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Christmas (letters) shouldn’t include anything inherently negative about family. I understand it’s her perspective of events and how she feels, but she might not realize that others are gonna be reading this and judging your already hurting and suffering sibling.
You seemed to handle this as best as you could, so I will give you that, but maybe you should get someone your granda trusts a bit more to talk to her.” zerodyme87
7. AITJ For Scheduling My Daughter's Appointments?
“I’m (43F) divorced with two teens (15F & 17M) and remarried to my husband (42M). We have the kids every other week. My husband works the night shift and we have two dogs, one puppy who is still working on separation anxiety and barks when alone.
Probably doesn’t help that I work from home in that regard. But, I keep the dogs occupied during the day, they sleep most of it and try to keep them quiet so my husband can sleep.
My daughter has a lot of appointments, therapy, physical therapy, dermatologist, and random others.
She asks me to schedule them and I ask if she wants me or her dad to take her. She always says she wants me to take her. So here lies the problem. My husband is frustrated that I take her to all of her appointments and never her dad.
I’m used to it, he’s an ex for a lot of reasons. That’s mostly the basis, but he also gets frustrated because he is often woken by the dogs when I leave.
He’s also diabetic and sometimes needs his insulin or food if he wakes up from a spike or drop while sleeping.
It doesn’t seem to be any one of these issues, but a combination that makes him upset that I take my daughter to all of her appointments. What gets me thinking is that she’s perfectly happy to have the other house, likely her stepmom, take her for her nail appointments or hair appointments or to get her lashes done (which I’m wholeheartedly against at 15, but gotta pick my battles).
So am I just inconveniencing my husband and myself for no reason? My head is spinning on this one. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re her mother. Taking her to her medical appointments makes sense. She might be more comfortable with you doing that because you’re a mom.
Beauty appointments are more of a fun thing, so doing that with her stepmother may help them have something in common to do.
Your husband is wrong to be upset about you being a responsible parent.
Keep up the good work, Mama!
NTJ.” Diligent-Activity-70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your child feels more comfortable with you taking them to the doctor appointments and that is important. I think the husband is being unreasonable and probably even a little selfish by not understanding this.
Also, to clarify a thing. Medical appointments are a lot more intimate than hair, nail, lashes, etc. She’s trusting you with her medical knowledge and doesn’t seem to feel comfortable sharing that aspect of herself with her other family.” VixieWillow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would suggest you find out why she isn’t as content with her father and/ or stepmom taking her to those appointments. Just to ensure there isn’t a bigger problem here where she is only getting her well-being looked after by you (hair and nails are fun and all, but there is absolutely more to keeping kids healthy, as you well know).
As for your husband. He needs earplugs and to remember that he married you with your kid already a part of your life. She in your life is a permanent thing, not something he gets to pick and choose when it’s convent for him.
About the dogs. Have you tried a routine, especially with the separation anxiety one) that makes your leaving easier on them? It’s time to look at training them to be calm and not stressed when you’re gone. There are a lot of great resources online for dealing with separation anxiety, but you may want to look into getting a trainer as well.
One of my favorite tips to help with separation anxiety is to have a special treat or toy that is reserved for ONLY when you are gone. For a food-motivated pup freeze some peanut butter in a Kong toy. This can lead to hours of content focus where they are getting happy rewards as they play and lick their toy.
For less food-motivated dogs there are all kinds of busy toys that can be used. You can start implementing this in short bursts.
Give a toy or treat and walk out the door. After you close the door immediately open it and walk back in and pick up the toy.
Do this a dozen times or so. Let them associate leaving with coming back. When that is successful start increasing the time from closing the door and going back in. Then when you can go a minute or two go for a short walk and come back.
Then going for a short drive. Seriously. Build up the time you can be away with your pup knowing you will be home. Do it as frequently as possible to help build up the pup’s confidence that you are returning and everything is OK.
Don’t make a fuss over walking out the door. Give the toy or treat and simply leave. That’s it. No ‘bye puppy’ and no baby talk. Put the toy or treat away from the door (preferably where the dog can’t see you leave) and just walk out.
Then when you come in you can pet and reassure them when they’ve been calm. ‘What a good puppy you’ve been!’
Working from home your pup hasn’t built that connection that you are coming back because there isn’t the routine of leave and return retracing that in their brain.
So help the pup see the routine and build on the success. It will take time but you’ll end up with a more secure and confident pup and your husband won’t be so bothered by a dog that can’t handle not having you there.
Win for everyone.” DinahTook
6. AITJ For Calling My Daughter Insane For Expecting Her Little Kids To Buy Her A Present?
“My daughter just turned 40. She was not married but had a partner and the relationship resulted in two children, a daughter now 8, and a son who is 5. Her partner left because of her hot-headed behavior (what he claims). He does not visit or contact the children.
I called her to wish her a happy birthday. She sounded aggravated on the phone. When I asked why she began yelling about how thoughtless her children were. She told me they hadn’t bought her a gift or wished her a happy birthday because they didn’t know.
I told her at that age they don’t remember dates and what did she expect, for them to hitchhike to the store and panhandle until they got enough money for a gift? She started screaming her daughter should know dates like this by now and they’re just so lazy.
I said to my daughter she was being absolutely insane and they were only kids. The call ended with her now yelling at me and hanging up.
I later discussed it with my husband (daughter’s stepfather) who defended her, saying she was a single mom who felt alone today and that we needed to cut her some slack.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her behavior has me concerned she may take her frustration for her unrealistic expectations out on her kids. It might not be physical but it could be emotional abuse. Especially if they are within earshot to hear her call them lazy and thoughtless.
Also if she truly is yelling at you over the phone for pointing out how crazy her expectation is that she thinks an 8 & 5-year-old would somehow remember and be able to afford to buy her a gift. As you pointed out they are growing up in a single-parent household with no contact from their father so who exactly is supposed to give them money and take them to the store.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your husband is right, she’s a single mother who felt alone and neglected. It’s also a milestone for many. You’re also right, they’re children and can’t be expected to remember or have the means to purchase gifts.
I feel like you dropped the ball here, are you far away and couldn’t take the kids to get her a gift? If so, you couldn’t send her one via a post on behalf of the kids?
You couldn’t speak to them and remind them her birthday was coming up?
She may be 40 but she’s still your daughter! Why wouldn’t you make an effort to help her feel special on her birthday? She also majorly sucks for taking it out on the kids, she does deserve grace yes, but punishing them for forgetting is uncalled for and she needs to remember that.” DeeDee-MayMay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your daughter is really struggling, and I know how thoughtless and rude young children can come across sometimes. She is parenting 100% of the time, and responsible for 100% of the costs of raising children, and her children having an off day while having her birthday overlooked was probably just the last straw.
I’ve been rendered speechless by how rude my kids have come across to me when I’m already having a tough time, they’re kids and they don’t know yet, but it’s our job as adults to help them learn.
You know your daughter needs support and you know she feels special about her birthday. It’s a very small thing to help your grandkids celebrate their mum after everything she is doing for them.
As parents/grandparents it is part of your remit to be her village.
Maybe it would be nice if you took the children out for the day, gave them a small budget to buy their mum a gift, and let them surprise her at Christmas (or whenever the next gift-giving occasion is for your family culture,) if you did it now, it would be too close to her missed birthday and feel like an afterthought, if you do it for the next gift-giving occasion it will feel more like appreciation and that you heard her.
Her partner may have left for many reasons – but a decent father would not abandon his children with a parent he had genuine concerns about. Your daughter may have a temper, but he didn’t think it was a danger to the kids otherwise he wouldn’t have utterly abandoned all of them.
This isn’t the 80s. Dads who want parenting time get it. So don’t take his actions as any evidence against your daughter. He’s a deadbeat. His opinions aren’t worth anything.” IllustratorSlow1614
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (except the kids)
Why do you say this: Her partner left because of her hot-headed behavior (what he claims).
As if it’s not true, as if you’re doubting his description of your daughter’s behavior when you then go on to describe her screaming at her children, and you acknowledge she’s being insane?
Your daughter is the jerk for how she treats her children, the father is the jerk for abandoning them with someone he knew has anger issues, and YOU are the jerk for leaving your grandchildren to live and grow up in this environment, which you know is damaging for them (you mention in your comments the kids have ‘developed issues’).
Do something about it! Call CPS, get custody of the kids, anything! This isn’t a suitable environment for them to grow up in.” Vas-yMonRoux
5. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad's Sugar Baby To My Wedding?
“I’m 23F. My parents split up when I was 4 because my mom was having an affair with my dad’s brother.
After that went down, my dad went back to college and got another degree, and is now working a very good job that he got through a friend and is very wealthy.
My relationship with my parents was very strained as my mom didn’t let me see my dad until I was a teenager because she wanted to avoid talking to him.
In recent months, my dad has started having a partner who we’ll call Sarah (24F).
Sarah is obviously a sugar baby. She doesn’t have a job and my dad pays for everything, and Sarah is always bragging about the expensive stuff that my dad buys her. All of her friends live a similar lifestyle (I have them as friends on social media).
The fact that my dad is with a woman who’s a year older than me makes me cringe to the core.
I’m getting married to my partner (24M) next summer and I’ve decided that I don’t want Sarah at my wedding.
She’s not his significant other or partner, she’s his sugar baby.
My dad obviously didn’t take it well and said that Sarah is just as part of the family as my mom’s new husband, and said that I don’t get to decide which relationships are acceptable and which aren’t.
He said I’m being self-righteous and continued to deny that Sarah is a sugar baby, and accused me of trying to manipulate him. He said I have my mom to thank for the fact that they aren’t together anymore.
My future MIL and FIL even got involved and said that if Sarah comes to the wedding they won’t be going as they think my dad’s relationship is disgusting.
Edit: no, my dad is not contributing financially to the wedding and I’m not financially dependent on him. My relationships with both of my parents are not great because of previous actions.
My uncle is NOT invited to my wedding and after the affair, he was estranged from the family.
My dad met Sarah on a sugar baby website but said that their relationship changed and that she was his SO. She’s definitely a sugar baby or gold digger or whatever you want to call it, but it’s definitely not an innocent romantic relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“Your father can deny it until he’s blue in the face, but the age gap makes it painfully, glaringly obvious. If that wasn’t obvious enough, the fact that she doesn’t have a job, and is going all influencer-style to brag about what she got from your father, makes it eye-catching obvious.
She IS a sugar baby.
In addition, your future husband’s parents can see that ‘Sarah’ is obviously trouble, and they’re so repulsed by her that they don’t even want to be in any sort of proximity to her, even if it’s separated by a crowd at the wedding.
They seem to be decent folks with a very active and functional moral compass.
Therefore, you are NTJ. Clearly, definitely, absolutely. It’s your wedding, and you can decide who is to be invited, and who should not be. I also have an alarm bell ringing in my head that ‘Sarah’ wants to use your wedding as another show-off opportunity, a chance to take selfies and go full-influencer mode with her expensive baubles.
NTJ all the way for you. Your father’s not yet fully a jerk, but he’s descending that slippery slope. Your soon-to-be MIL and FIL are also both NTJ, they seem to be really decent folks.” MC_Hans84
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Sugar babies can and often is a more meaningful relationship than it is a business transaction. Especially if they’ve been together for a little while, and her friends are adding you to social media, I would bet there’s a little more to it than just the sugar baby dynamic.
Your dad is a grown adult who was lied to and so he is probably more comfortable with a relationship that has fewer emotional stakes. It sounds like he can afford it and isn’t being taken advantage of, he’s a grown adult who let him choose his relationships.
Further, there doesn’t seem to be any reason you don’t want her there beyond the relationship dynamic (which you can’t possibly know all the details of) makes you cringe. If she was awful to you on the regular or bankrupting your father it might be a different story.
It’s your wedding, so invite who you want, but you will hurt your dad, so it’s a matter of whether that’s important to you or not.” l*********y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your wedding and you get to invite who you want.
But you don’t get to dictate who has a relationship with who. Your mother’s behavior is very questionable… are you inviting the uncle she sneaked around with? Does your dad have anything to do with him now?
Your future in-laws are judgemental and also don’t get a say in who he has a relationship with.
It will be a real hoot if they split up and your FIL decides he too wants to be a sugar daddy.
I would just invite both and everyone can make up their own mind and be as judgemental as they like.
Your dad might be in for a rude shock that people don’t think he’s got it all and can attract the younger women… his money can attract them. He may very well get sick of her sooner rather than later.
Are you prepared to lose any semblance of a relationship with your dad over this? Your mom was completely in the wrong not allowing you to keep contact with your dad as a child because of her adulterous behavior.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your mom sucks for not only having an affair but having an affair with his brother and then denying your dad access to his child.
Your future in-laws suck for sticking their noses in other people’s businesses and ‘threatening’ not to come to your wedding if you invite someone they don’t even know.
You and your dad both suck but, to be honest, I can see both sides here as well. Your dad and his sugar baby are both grown adults capable of making their own decisions, but I can definitely see why your dad being with someone the same age as you would be weird, and he really should acknowledge how that would make you feel uncomfortable.
At the end of the day, it’s your wedding and you can invite whoever you want, but you should be prepared for this to affect your relationship with your dad.” CherryCool000
4. AITJ For Being Ungrateful About My Dad's Gift?
“My partner and I were having dinner with my dad and his wife a few months ago and they mentioned that they had gotten tickets to Cirque du Soleil.
I told him that my partner and I would love to go see it, it looked really cool.
A few days later he excitedly told me he had gotten us tickets for the same night and he sent them to me via email.
He mentioned that the tickets weren’t together because he bought them at separate times, but he figured we could drive together. I figured no big deal, it’s a date anyways.
Last night we had dinner with him and his wife and over the conversation, I found out that the tickets he gave me were his and his wife’s tickets, and they had upgraded to the VIP experience, which involves special seating and special bathrooms, and concessions and free drinks.
I got a bit upset and told my dad it didn’t sound like he did this for me, but because his wife wanted an upgrade and they just threw me the scraps, and that wasn’t a gift.
He told me I didn’t have to go if that’s how I felt and that I was being spoilt, and his wife told me I need to ‘grow up’.
He is ALWAYS going out and doing extravagant things with his wife, and I know they could have afforded to get us the upgraded pa*ses too, but of course, only his wife gets the red carpet.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You didn’t get the scraps. Your dad didn’t have to give you the tickets. He could have (and probably should have) gifted them to somebody else, he could have sold them or maybe gotten a refund but he CHOSE to give them to your ungrateful a*s.
Your dad is right, you are entitled and spoilt and his wife is correct in telling you to ‘grow up.’ Your complaint about your dad always going out and doing extravagant things with his wife is asinine and childish.
You’re a legal adult and not daddy’s little Princess any longer and he is entitled to spend his money how he sees fit. He’s allowed to spoil and pamper his wife and if you want extravagance then provide it for yourself.
It’d certainly be nice if he did buy you upgraded tickets but your sense of entitlement is just ridiculous.
You sound bitter and jealous of your dad’s wife like you believe she’s taking the inheritance you were neither promised nor yet have.” LittleBadger101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The way dad framed it was like out of the goodness of his heart he’d decided to get tickets for them. In truth, he bought upgraded tickets and he thought, ‘Oh, OP wants to go’. And then he gave his now extras to her
Nothing is inherently wrong with the second thing, it’s just weird when you dress it up as the first thing when that’s not what happened. It’s worse if this is a pattern at all. Every time someone says they’re making this huge gesture for you it just turns out that they made it out of convenience.
It makes you wonder if you’re actually a priority, or if you’re just getting ‘scraps’.
The fact that instead of the dad owning the fact that he lied he got defensive, and stepmom backed him up on it, is weird.” FillorianOpium
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, you sound like a spoiled brat. YTJ.
Your father didn’t have to get you tickets at all. This was a thing for him and his wife. It always was. You mentioned that you wanted to go.
He took that opportunity to upgrade his seats with his wife and give you his tickets so you could see them with your partner. He could have just told you two to buy your own tickets. But he didn’t. He gave you his.
You didn’t care originally that you weren’t sitting together; it wasn’t until you found out his seats were so nice that you got upset that you couldn’t be seated with them.
You sound like the only thing you’re upset about is that you’re not getting the VIP treatment, not that you’re not spending time with your dad.
Grow up.” Hot-Jackfruit-3386
3. AITJ For Threatening To Cancel Christmas Because Of My Sister-In-Law's Mood Swings?
“I have never gotten along with my SIL. I find her to be lazy, selfish, loud, and demanding. The only good thing about her is my three nephews (ages 5 to 12).
My brother and SIL are flat broke from their various business ventures and are really struggling.
I’ve stepped up many times with financial assistance. For example, I’m the one who paid for my nephews’ extracurricular activities.
Recently, their financial situation got so bad that they can barely afford groceries. They were literally splitting peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
That was unacceptable and I offered to buy them weekly groceries. They accepted my help.
I don’t do online grocery shopping because most of the time they get the order wrong or don’t have what I want. So I just go to the store.
I’d get an email from my bro or SIL asking for stuff. I’d buy their groceries with mine and then drop their stuff off.
It’s not the money that annoys me, it’s the extra work of bagging and going in the opposite direction of my house to drop off their stuff.
Again, I do it for my nephews and it gives me a chance to see them.
This week I did the grocery shopping on my lunch break and texted my SIL to come outside to get their stuff. My brother was out on interviews and my nephews were at school.
She just said to leave the groceries on the doorstep. I said I’m not UberEATS. I’m doing you a favor by feeding your family so give me the respect of at least coming to your door and acknowledging me. Show me some respect for the time, money, and effort that I’ve put in.
No, she wasn’t in a situation where she could not have taken a minute to do this. She was probably on social media.
She came to the door and had a bad attitude. I told her that if my buying and dropping off groceries was ‘too much’ work for her then I won’t do it anymore.
Later my brother called to find out what happened and I told him. He said my SIL said I was volatile towards her and she didn’t understand why. I told him that she knew and now I’m not doing Xmas if she doesn’t get on the phone to apologize to me.
She did and blamed her ‘hormones.’ I told her that I don’t care about her hormones. I’m not going to let her disrespect me and let her think that she gets a pass by blaming her hormones.
So, yes, I’ll cancel Xmas if she’s going to be rude to me.
I’d hate for that to happen but that’s on my brother and SIL to burden.
And it’s not her hormones. She’s always had this nasty attitude. It’s not new.
Edit: If she had a good reason as to why she couldn’t answer the door then she would have said so.
Saying that a woman can get a pass for being a jerk as long as she blames her hormones is like saying a man can get a pass for being a jerk by saying ‘boys will be boys’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but Christmas and the weekly grocery shopping are two different things.
Your SIL clearly doesn’t appreciate what you are doing for their family and seems a lot entitled. As this is a long-time personality trait, I would suspect a personality disorder.
Which are really hard to deal with.
What are your brother and SIL doing to get out of this mess they are in? How long are you expected to support their entire family? You’re essentially supporting two households.
As for Christmas, I would do this at your place (even if it is small).
Do the Christmas lunch/dinner that you want and if SIL complains then let it go in one ear and out the other. She’s not funding it, she gets no say. Your nephews will appreciate whatever you do. I wouldn’t be stumping up any cash for their parents to buy their presents either.
You buy them what you want, and you give them presents on Christmas days from you. Don’t leave it at their place for their parents to change the labels and make it look like you got them nothing.
They need to look at what sort of welfare support there is for them.
Or you may need to report to CPS if they cannot feed and house their children. They don’t appear to be doing what they can to support their kids… Why do they both not have jobs? The kids are all in school.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Yeah, your sister-in-law could’ve met you at the door and helped, but you just sound like an insufferable jerk who thinks that because you’re helping them they should be bending over backward to praise you and do what you ask.
‘I don’t do online grocery shopping because most of the time they get the order wrong or don’t have what I want. So I just go to the store. I’d get an email from my bro or SIL asking for stuff.
I’d buy their groceries with mine and then drop their stuff off.’
‘It’s not the money that annoys me, it’s the extra work of bagging and going in the opposite direction of my house to drop off their stuff.’
You choose to decline online ordering/delivery and then whine that it’s so much added effort. But it’s only that because you make it so. Just let their groceries be online orders and let them pick them up. But no you need to do it so you can peacock how much effort and trouble you go through to help them.
‘I’m doing you a favor by feeding your family so give me the respect of at least coming to your door and acknowledging me. Show me some respect for the time, money, and effort that I’ve put in.’
But I thought you were doing this for your nephews?
Of course, you aren’t you’re doing this to feel morally superior.
‘now I’m not doing Xmas if she doesn’t get on the phone to apologize to me.’
Ah, ‘do what I say or else’. If this was a marriage this would be textbook financial abuse.
You barely get a pass because you don’t technically have to do it, but get off your moral high horse.
You sound like an insufferable jerk, and I’d put money that if your brother and his family ever get on solid financial footing, they’re gonna cut you out of their lives because you’re a jerk who thinks money makes right.” chimpfunkz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you haven’t really explained what ‘canceling Christmas’ means. Based on everything else you have been doing for your brother’s family (i.e. paying for your nephew’s extracurriculars and groceries) are you saying that you were footing the bill for everyone’s Christmas too?
If that is the case, then by all means, yes, do NOT buy your SIL and brother gifts. However, I would not punish the nephews for it. In other words, get them Christmas presents from you, but if you were also paying for their parents’ gifts to the kids, then tone that down.
A bigger question, however, is not whether you are a jerk… it’s whether you are going to continue to be an enabler. Helping family in times of need (a lost job… a medical issue… an unforeseen event) is one thing, but continually buying groceries and paying for things that they should step up and pay for is something else entirely.
I would suggest that you schedule your brother and SIL an appointment to meet with a debt consolidation professional and financial advisor. There are charities that provide this service for free. They need to get a handle on their finances and stop depending on you.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You seem really bitter about this whole situation. Just give them money or order their stuff online. Then you won’t feel like it’s taking such a toll on you. Also, you have absolutely no idea what she was doing.
Could she have been on social media? Of course. Could it have been any other number of things? Yes. If you don’t want to see her anyway, just leave the groceries on the steps. Then send a text to her and your brother saying they’re all dropped off and ready to go.
Any normal person would express their thanks then. I drop stuff off on people’s porches for them all the time. It’s really not a big deal. Your SIL may be going through any number of things that cause the “bad attitude” or she may just not be a very nice person.
I think she could handle things better, but it sounds like you guys have a lot of conflicts as well. I’d limit your contact with her so it stops making you feel so bitter.” Piaffe_zip16
And go completely no contact with brother and SIL, and report them to CPS immediately. SIL should be hung up by her polished nails. Someone buys your family WEEKS worth of groceries, and you're too spoiled to unload them and carry them into your home? Not another dime would that family get from me. Disgraceful.
2. AITJ For Staying Up All Night While Babysitting?
“I (21F) work night shifts from 12 am till 6 am 3-4 nights a week, I also go to classes so hopefully I can stop working night shifts; I usually sleep 4:30 pm-10 pm.
Even on days where I’m not doing night shifts, I’d be lucky to fall asleep before 4:30 am and then I usually sleep in till 11-12.
I’m currently 3 months pregnant, not planned but it’s happening and we’re excited – my sister decided to ask us to babysit so “we’d get experience” her child is 3.
I didn’t offer to babysit, she asked us and my partner agreed (but he went fishing): I know my sleep pattern, so when by 3 am I hadn’t fallen asleep I knew if I fell asleep I wouldn’t be up till 12 that afternoon – baby wakes up at 6-7.
So I just didn’t sleep, I did complain to my partner because I can’t have coffee. I mean other than me being tired we had a pretty good day though, we went for a bike ride and fed the ducks, I pushed her on the swing for a little while and then when we got home I took us to my bedroom and put a film on, I must’ve fallen asleep (2 hours at most!) but my room is pretty much empty aside from the bed and tv, child friendly.
I guess my niece mentioned to my sister I’d fallen asleep, I apologized and said I hadn’t slept that night and I hadn’t planned on falling asleep.
Sister went off on one about how irresponsible and unsafe that was, how will I cope with a baby, etc, she said ‘I thought you were an adult, do you even think?’ And left, my mother has apparently been agreeing with her that it was completely irresponsible and even then I should’ve checked with my sister if she was ok if I napped.
AIJ?
The bedroom is child-friendly, thanks to previous owners – the lock is out of reach, no blinds or curtains for her to get to, no chest of draws (draws under the bed are locked), and tv securely on the wall.
The lock is one that stops the handle from moving up and down.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
To be honest, this is the time you’re supposed to be relaxing and getting as much sleep as possible because you won’t get any when your child is here.
You don’t need to watch your sister’s three-year-old to prepare for a newborn. That’s an excuse on her end. Yeah, of course, your child will be three in three years but you need to rest right now.
Just stop watching her three-year-old you don’t wanna be put on bed rest for stress.
I don’t know. I fall asleep with my kids all the time and wake shortly after them if they get up before me.
If she wants top-tier child care, maybe not ask a pregnant woman with fatigue to do it
And she needs to stop yelling at you that stress, raises your b***d pressure. You don’t want to be on bed rest.” Harliehu
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and your partner is a jerk for going fishing when HE signed you two up to babysit.
The child was basically left unattended for 2 hours.
Kids are like horses. They can find ways to injure and kill themselves in a padded room, for Pete’s sake. It’s simply not reasonable to have a toddler unattended.
They can hang themselves on the mini blind cord, chew on power cords, insert things into outlets, put things up their nose or in their ears, pull over tables/lamps/dressers onto themselves, eat things they shouldn’t, and the list goes on.
You screwed up. But I’m still mad at your partner too.” UsuallyWrite2
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, your partner left you high and dry and these things happen but you left a three-year-old unsupervised during their waking hours. That’s a huge no-no. Three is possibly the worst age for that.
Three-year-olds have their own mobility and are just skilled enough to escape quietly but not enough to know to not try and hurt themselves.
Your sister is right to be upset.
To be clear you aren’t a bad person and there’s an argument that you shouldn’t have been put in this position in the first place but it’s a very bad thing that happened that should have been avoided.” Shanstergoodheart
1. AITJ For Causing My Brother's Biological Family To Not Be Invited For Christmas?
“I am a 16-year-old male. I have a brother (18) and a sister (13).
My sister and I are biological siblings. We were all adopted by our parents. My brother found a bio family almost 2 years ago. Since then, all he talks about is his new family. I swear, every single day. I feel like he is throwing it in mine and my sister’s faces.
We have no bio relatives. We lost our parents in a car accident when I was 5.
Yesterday, my brother came to dinner and he started talking about his family again. Then he suggested that they come here for Christmas. I lost it.
I told him he should keep his family to himself and not bother us with them. Then I told him he just wants to rub it in our faces and that he should go be with them on Christmas and leave us alone.
Then my dad told me that my brother has every right to have a relationship with his family and that we should all support him. I disagreed and told him that I know that him and mom are suffering too because of him.
Dad told me to apologize, but I refused. I know I’m right. I went to my room and haven’t talked to anyone, except my sister. Today she told me that my brother’s family will not come and he is upset about it.
She told me that it was because my parents don’t want me upset and that I hurt my brother. I don’t see it that way. He hurt us. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
It is understandable that your brother is excited and happy about finding his bio family.
I don’t know if he knew anything about them at all before 2 years ago, but it is clearly from what you said important to him.
It is also very understandable that your brother’s finding his bio family is stirring up grief in you.
It’s a terrible thing to lose your parents in an accident and at 5 you were old enough to understand that loss. It’s not a surprise that the situation with your brother is reminding you that you can never have that and that is hard and tragic.
It’s also not surprising that your brother is so caught up in his joy that he doesn’t see your sorrow.
When you lose important people in your life, especially people you love, grief has a tendency to pop up at weird times.
Major life events, joyful times, sorrowful times. I saw a banana cream pie in a bakery, then I had to buy it and call and talk to my mom about my dad who passed away some years ago. Those are good memories but sometimes the sorrow and missing my dad still hits hard.
I think you need to talk to your mom and dad about seeing if you can talk to a grief counselor. Your brother is not trying to hurt you or your sister or your parents deliberately. You are not wrong or bad at feeling sorrow and anger for your brother finding something you can’t have.
But that is not your brother’s fault, and we each need to find a way through the sorrow/missing/anger and out the other side. And there is no shame in getting help to find the way.” Artneedsmorefloof
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you’re making things harder for everybody. Your brother was understandably excited to find a bio family because he never knew anything about the people he came from. Your parents apparently have understood that and supported him; you’re wrong to tell your dad ‘he and mom are suffering too.’ You don’t know that; you just think they should be suffering.
Maybe they’re happy for him and happy he wants to enlarge the circle of his family, and you’re making it harder for them. It certainly would be worse for them if your brother did what you apparently want and broke away from your family.” Grouchy-Bluejay-4092
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Your brother is happy he found his bio family and is able to reconnect with them. I think it’s something many adopted kids dream of being able to do and he has every right to do it.
He’s not replacing you all, he’s not going to leave you all and it doesn’t mean he prefers them over you.
It’s understandable why you feel envious. It seems less about him leaving or preferring his bio family but the fact that you can’t connect with yours like he can with his.
It’s understandable if you feel unhappy hearing about it all but you should’ve spoken up about it sooner and more gently than how you blew up in the story.
Maybe you should’ve told him that you’re happy for him and you’re glad he’s found his bio family but that it’s brought up some struggles for you since you’ll never be able to do the same, so you’d appreciate it if he avoids bringing them up when you’re around or bringing them over for the holidays.
At least until you sort out your feelings.
Perhaps you could find comfort in the fact that even though your brother can connect with his bio family, you at least grew up with a member of yours. And I’m not sure how to ask this politely but if it’s a route you want to go down, perhaps you may be able to find some extended family that may have known your parents?” Mista_Cash_Ew
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why should he have to hide his bio family away? He shouldn’t have to, he’s happy because he has two amazing families now. I’m very sorry for the loss of your biological parents, but this gives you no right to take that out on your brother.
Just because he loves his biological family doesn’t mean he loves you guys any less. He grew up without them, of course, he’s going to be excited to get to know them. You said that you know you’re right, but you’re not.
You’re allowed to feel upset that you’ll never be able to have that relationship with your bio parents or family, but this needs to be dealt with in therapy (don’t care how many times you’re gonna comment you don’t need it, you do) because this isn’t healthy to be taking it out on your brother, who is innocent.
You owe him an apology.” Striking_Ad_6573
