People Wail Over Their Actions In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Treating My Kids Equally?
“I (20f) am married to my husband (23m). Before we met, he had two daughters (currently 7f & 5f) and I had one son (3m). My son’s bio dad and my daughters’ bio mum have no relationship and zero rights, as my son’s dad was unfaithful with his partner with me and the girls’ mum basically decided she wanted to pursue another man without her children.
We also have one son together (1m). This is not about our ages as I know we are both super young parents however, we are 100% financially responsible for our children and have finished our educations.
So my mum and I were out to eat, I had brought the girls with me.
My boys were at home with my husband and my daughters had come with me quite frankly since they liked this place. My mum commented on how when I said I was bringing two of my children she thought she meant my “real” children. All four of my children call me “Mummy” or “Mama” and I have known my girls for the past 3 years.
So I do feel they are my real children, if someone asks they are my daughters. I don’t believe in treating them any differently.
Anyway, the real problem started on Christmas Day. Either spent Christmas at his family’s house or just the six of us.
But this year my parents said we had to come over to theirs as we went to my in-laws last year. So we did. But when my parents brought out presents, they brought out a notebook and pen for each of the girls and large bags filled with what must have been £100+ worth of presents.
The girls looked sad and left out, both my boys ended up sharing with them and letting them help open presents. But it did make me feel angry. I decided to talk about it to them later.
Well, at the Christmas lunch table, my mother brought up the topic of “When is the next baby coming?” we said we were done having children for the foreseeable future since we were still super young.
She started crying and said, “So you’re never giving us a granddaughter?” I lost it. Those girls may not be my biological daughters, but they are my children. I love them dearly and couldn’t imagine a world without them. I told them “You’ve got two granddaughters right here, and before you know it you won’t have any grandsons either.” I grabbed my husband, and we all left.
My dad is forever sending me angry texts saying how I didn’t birth them that they aren’t their granddaughters and that I’ve made my mother upset. Well quite honestly, I don’t care how upset my mother is. Whether she has to go to therapy and be on anti-depressants I don’t care.
She disrespected my family and my daughters. But I really just want outside opinions. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if more mothers (yes mother and not step mother – as evidently you view and treat your daughters as your own) were like you, there would be a lot more happy blended families and adults without ongoing resentment towards their childhoods.
Well done you for defending your daughters and putting your mum and dad in their places.” LittlePea0617
21. AITJ For Refusing To Plan My Daughter's Birthday?
“I have two children with my ex. Our daughter’s 5th birthday was the first birthday we weren’t together so we came to the agreement that I would plan everything and he would pay for it. He said I could spend as much money as I wanted and since our daughter was taking the breakup badly, I wanted to go all out for her special day.
Despite acting like he wanted no part in the planning, he was an absolute nightmare. I had his credit card and he originally said he didn’t need me to tell him everything I was spending money on but then he suddenly started being nasty about it.
He kept demanding I tell him everything I’d booked and would criticize every little thing. I didn’t care about him wanting input into the party but the way he was speaking to me made me feel dirty for needing to have him pay for everything.
I only sucked it up because our daughter knew about some of the things I had arranged for her already which I would’ve had to cancel if I started fighting with him.
Now our son’s 2nd birthday is next month and my ex has once again suggested I plan the party and he’ll pay for it.
I’ve refused because I’m not going to let him make me feel the way he did while I planned our daughters again. I told him he would need to plan the party and that I wanted no part in it. He has apologized for how he behaved and he claims he’d never do it again.
Granted he has been a lot nicer to me recently but I’m still not comfortable putting myself in that position again.
Since I won’t plan the party, he’s making up nonsense claims that I favor our daughter over our son. He’s also said if I don’t plan a party our son wouldn’t have one since he’s too busy to plan it but he could always ask his mother for help.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You’re separated. Throw separate parties. A second birthday party is as simple as a boxed cake and some balloons from the dollar store. If you need to throw the party together and he wants you to plan it while he pays for it, then get a budget from him and stick to it.
Then he has nothing to complain about. You can throw a 2yr old birthday party for less than $50 easily.” my-kind-of-crazy
20. WIBTJ If I Fight With My Ex-Wife Over Schedules?
“My (39 m) ex-wife (35 f) and I have two young kids, 10 & 5. We have 50/50 custody and live about 10-15 minutes away from each other. We’ve been officially apart for 3 years and divorced for 2.5.
We get along well for the most part and we do a great job of co-parenting.
My ex-wife loves Halloween, and I love Christmas. She has always told me she dislikes Christmas because of some bad memories from her youth (family drama, nothing too crazy).
Up until 2021, we did holidays together, even when we were having our issues/starting to separate. In October of 21, she told me she wanted to start doing holidays separately, so she’d be taking them trick or treating by herself with her friends that year.
It hurt and I didn’t like it, but we were finalizing the divorce so I understand. We ended up coming to the agreement that Halloween would be hers and Christmas morning would be mine and we’d alternate other holidays.
Fast forward to today and she texts me and says she wants to have the kid’s Christmas morning.
She moved into her place in January (she lived in her grandparents’ mother-in-law suite up until then) and really would like to be able to do Christmas at her house with the kids, she also was off thanksgiving so she’d be doing it at her house with her family and the kids.
I asked about Halloween and she said she’s still doing that as usual. I was instantly pretty upset and told her that. We had a heated text conversation and I ended up telling her we’d talk about it later as I was about to start a meeting.
For some context. I’m not originally from the city we live in, my closest relative is an 85-year-old aunt who used to live about an hour away but last year moved 2 hours away to be closer to her adult children. My parents have passed away, and my sister lives in another state.
My ex’s family is pretty much all within about 10 minutes of us. During most holidays I make sure to take the kids by if it’s my holiday because I think it’s important that they see their extended family, Growing up I always did.
But the only thing I ever want is Christmas morning. In all honesty, once I calmed down I re-read her texts and I don’t think she’s making an unreasonable request, so I called her and told her we could talk about everything tomorrow and get it all figured out.
She’s been adamant that she just wants it once things can go back to normal next year, and that she didn’t want to have to be “tit for tat”. Part of me wants to give in this year and then demand Halloween and Christmas next year, which I’m pretty sure would make me a passive-aggressive jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“I just want to make sure I understand: – your ex claimed Halloween, and effective two years ago said you’re no longer invited – your ex hates Christmas so the kids were with you – this year, she wants Halloween *and* Christmas, and you’re not invited NTJ.
She might want to wash her hands of you, but you’re their dad. It’s wrong for her to monopolize. If she wants Christmas, you get Halloween. You can switch next year.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Nope. She doesn’t get all the holidays.
It’s family time and she’s got to let YOU have family time too. It won’t be just once. Next year it’s a fresh negotiation again. NTJ. Hold firm. Tell her “This is important to me. I know you’d like this, but that’s all THREE holidays to you, and me left alone without my family to celebrate.
It’s a firm no on my end. I will have the kids Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, you can collect them at 1130am on your way to lunch if you’d like”. And hold firm.” Particular-Try5584
19. WIBTJ For Not Supporting My Friend's Marriage?
“I (27F) am considering backing out of my close friend’s wedding and I could really use some outside opinions.
My friend (26F) Jess and I have been friends for over a decade. She asked me to be a bridesmaid for her wedding last month and at first I agreed… but now I’m not so sure.
Jess has been with her fiancé (30M), Jason, for over 5 years.
He proposed less than 2 months ago and he’s already getting cold feet.
I’ve never liked Jason. He’s mean, disrespectful, and has made it clear Jess’ needs are secondary to his. About 2 years into their relationship, he told her that he could never see himself marrying “someone like her,” especially after finding out she was once involved with a married man.
The hypocrisy kills me because his previous marriage ended because he was unfaithful to his wife.
They’ve had a rocky relationship, including several breaks and even a brief time living together. They ended up deciding to live separately when he still lived in our area because living together was too straining on their relationship (she was doing all the household work, going to school full time, and carrying the entire mental load for the household).
Jason has two kids from previous relationships. Jess doesn’t want kids but he expects her to act like a mother to his children. Regardless of how she feels about wanting kids, she goes above and beyond for the children (buying them birthday and Christmas presents, making sure she has their rooms made up to their liking when they come to visit, etc.).
She accommodates his wishes and ends up being the default parent, doing all the chores while he gets the fun parts. Additionally, the kids don’t really even seem to like her or appreciate her efforts.
They’re currently long-distance, with Jason living in his home state (to be closer to his kids) and her finishing her degree in ours.
She planned to move in with him again (it’s a big move, about 1,500 miles away) after graduating, but now he’s unsure about marrying her. It seems like Jason has been enjoying his “single life” while being away from her, and doesn’t want to give that up.
Despite my concerns, I’ve tried to balance being supportive with being honest. I’ve told Jess I think staying with Jason is a mistake. Now, with his doubts about the engagement, I was hoping she would find the strength to leave. But they’re trying to work it out, and if they go through with the wedding, I’m not sure I can stand by her side.
But… she was an amazing bridesmaid at my wedding, and I feel like I owe her. Also, she doesn’t have many close friends, so my backing out would leave her with only one bridesmaid and she’s always been insecure about not having many friends. Still… supporting this marriage goes against everything I believe about what a healthy relationship should be.
So, WIBTJ if I told her I decided I can’t be a bridesmaid, even though I already agreed?”
Another User Comments:
“Be the friend she wants and not the one she needs cause no matter what you tell her, she already has made up her mind.
Let her marry and let her be the fool, at least shes got you to turn to when it all crumbles. At least you are there for her and you support her even when you believe it’s wrong. Sometimes we just need someone to accept us even when we are making the wrong choice.
You will be there like a true and loyal friend. Let’s just hope Jason breaks it off.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Not Getting My Partner Groceries?
” I (38M, autistic) live with my partner “Ash” (44NB) and my SIL “Darcy” (40F). My partner has joint custody of their daughter “Kit” (10F), and we have her 2 on, 2 off, and every other weekend.
We’re in the PNW so we’ve been snowed/iced in with the nasty winter storm, and we’re all going a bit stir-crazy.
Ash and Darcy work from home, and their school has been canceled. With the schools closed and the roads iced over, Kit’s been here all week, and unfortunately, her ADHD meds are at her dad’s house. She’s been bouncing off the walls, and driving us a bit nuts.
There was a brief window where the roads were drivable, so I mentioned going out to grab a few groceries, but the snow behind our cars was frozen solid, and we couldn’t break up the ice, so we dropped the subject.
Now, every time I ever go to the store, I ask if they need anything because I’m paranoid about being inconsiderate when it comes to getting groceries.
The last time I did this, Ash said, almost annoyed: “If I need something, I’ll tell you.”
Not once during our talk did either of them mention that they NEEDED stuff- they weren’t even going to go with me. So I ordered a bit of groceries from Instacart using my money.
It shows up, I put it away and go to bed. (I have odd sleep hours due to health issues, so I grab sleep when I can.)
A few hours into my sleep, Ash bursts into my room, yelling at me “What the actual heck?
Why didn’t you ask, you could have used my card, we’re running low on milk and we can’t order anything now because it’s an ice rink out there and no one will be driving, and what are we supposed to give Kit???” I’m sleepy and confused as heck, but they just slam my door shut and storm off.
Meanwhile, I’m freaked out by this, because it’s VERY out of character for them. They don’t yell, or slam doors normally.
I didn’t even realize we were low on milk, because apparently, Darcy bought two half gallons of EGG NOG instead of milk, and now they’re all “We’re low on milk” even though we have plenty of Kit’s favorite foods- fish sticks, stuff to make homemade pizza, ham/cheese sandwiches etc. She won’t go hungry.
Not only that, but Kit actually loves ice water more than any other beverage. She hasn’t complained about food or drink, just that “This snow sucks, I can’t play in it.”
Meanwhile, I’ve actively been hiding in my room to avoid a confrontation because I honestly have no idea why Ash exploded at me.
Part of me thinks they’re just overwhelmed by everything going on, but I have no idea how to express that I didn’t mean to be malicious, selfish, or what have you.
My autistic self didn’t hear “We need this” so I didn’t bother, because the last time I asked, I was told ***not*** to ask…
…so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTj. You are not Kit’s or Ash’s parent. Ash can order groceries themselves, as they are made perfectly, and to my reading, rudely clear. Go make clear you will not be spoken to like that, that this is a problem of Ash’s making, and however upset Ash is about this it has nothing to do with you.
Do not consent to being a punching bag or scapegoat. If Ash genuinely cannot see how far wrong they are, seriously look into leaving before your relationship deteriorates.” chrestomancy
17. AITJ For Not Visiting My Friends After Flying To Their City For A Race?
“Many moons ago, I met up with friends I had found online. LCT Bill & Frank.
We ended up becoming close friends, and over the years we would have trips, bail each other out of difficult life/health situations, and ultimately become quite tight.
Unfortunately, they moved to a different region in my country. I kept in touch with them over the years and continued to visit and stay with them when I needed a getaway, on their offer.
A little over two months ago, I had an opportunity with funds, scheduling, and training to attend a footrace in their region. I reached out to Bill, letting him know I’d be around. Bill mentions he has important functions that weekend with others to host and will be unable to host me.
No issue, I already booked a hotel because I wasn’t already invited like that.
So. The big weekend comes, I fly, pick up my rental, and get to the hotel. “I’ve made it to [City] safely!” Crickets. NBD, I knew they had other things on their agenda.
Three days pass. “What’s with this weather here? Just finished that marathon!” Bill responded, “You brought the cold weather with you. Lol.” That’s our typical joke. I asked Bill, “How was your weekend?” Crickets.
The following night, I went to a restaurant I’d enjoyed when I stayed with them.
It was about 1km from their house. I shoot a message, “Closer to your neck of the woods, I’m hoping to hit up [Restaurant] if they’re open tonight. Waving hello”
Still, no response.
Two nights after the restaurant message – I told Bill I had fun in their city and while we couldn’t meet up, I hoped the weekend was good to them too [with their events and guests].
Today Bill messages me, “We’re kind of floored that you could be less than a mile from my house and you didn’t even make an effort to stop by for five minutes.” … ”If they are a friend they are a priority.” – I take this to mean they would have made time for me, yet – “We would’ve expected that you would’ve said hey I’m a mile from your house.” Bill went on to say that Frank was upset too, yet I cannot say for certain that Frank knows anything other than what Bill told him.
My last message to him today read, “My message history shows no response to my text [from that night].”
I was able to make connections with other friends when in this region during this trip. Neither Bill nor Frank reached out to me that weekend to ask how the race was or how I was, I figured they were rather tight in scheduling, hence the ghosting.
Now I feel upset that I upset him, and I’ve been beating myself up for it. Should I have just stopped by unannounced like that? I feel that would’ve been rude.
Reddit. AITJ for neither reaching out more nor appearing at their house after making such a long journey, even though the intent wasn’t expressly to see them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it was made clear they had a full agenda while you were there. You did message when you went to the restaurant and got no response, given the situation I don’t think many people would have simply dropped by unannounced. Sounds like their issue, not yours, and I would make that crystal clear.
A friend would have responded and inquired how your race was.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I mean, *you* texted them that you wanted to go to a restaurant close to their house, *they* never responded, and then *they* blame *you* for not trying to meet up with them when you were that close?
Especially when they had told you they had other plans that weekend? Some nerve!” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“You meant well. You sent very obvious invitations to hang out. You’re NTJ since he told you he wouldn’t be able to host and didn’t respond to your messages and took offense that you stopped by when they didn’t even make it clear they wanted you to.
Communication is hard sometimes, but your friend should have been more responsive.” isaacmiria23
16. AITJ For Parking In An Unassigned Spot Near My Building For Safety Reasons?
“I also am a DV survivor. The domestic violence group I worked with that helped me develop a safety plan said it would be safer to not park in the lot in front of my building because then people know when I am home and not home.
Parking in lots near my building so I have a short walk, but also not associated with my building would be the safest option, which is what I have been doing.
I have lived in this condo complex for over 5 years. My condo complex has no assigned parking.
The only parking rule is if you have multiple cars only one can be parked close to the buildings, the other has to be parked in the spots, not in front of a building (middle of the lots, in front of the grass, and street).
Situation: When I (F35) got home from work today I was starting to park my car in the lot I have been parking in for the past 10 months. This lot is near my building, but not in front of my building, and the spot I was parking is not in front of any building it is in front of the grass.
There were two cars on each side of the spot I was trying to park in.
The car on the left of me was clearly over the line, like a full tire. The driver of this car (M70s) was still in his vehicle, and as I was pulling in got out of his car.
I rolled down my window and politely asked him if he could move his car so it was not over the line.
He immediately started screaming at me saying that he would not be moving his car because he didn’t want to park it too close to the curb, that he needed to unload his car, that this was his assigned spot, that I was a rude woman for asking him to move his car.
He then continued to scream at me saying how he told the HOA and management company I have been parking here, and how I am not allowed to park here and I need to park closer to my building, and he has written many complaints about me because I am being “an entitled rude woman” by parking next to his car which is why he “has to park over the line” so that I “learn where I should be” parking my car.
I drove to a different spot in a different section of the lot, which is further from my building, and parked there. I had to walk past his car to get to my building. When I walked past he was still screaming at me. I did not engage.
I took pictures of his car clearly over the line, emailed the management company that handles common areas maintenance and disputes for our complex, and informed them of this interaction.
So I just wanted to check, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“At an old job, the owner of the business next to ours felt the unassigned spots in front of his office were his and no one else could park there.
I was unaware of this and one day parked in one of the spots because it was raining and the spot was 5 steps away from my company’s front door. We didn’t do customer-facing work so our front door was always locked. I was in my office working with earbuds when my coworker came to tell me someone was screaming out front and trying to rip the door off the hinges.
I wasn’t paid enough to deal with that so we ignored it. Eventually, my boss came in and the guy came screaming out of his business. Long story short, my boss was awesome and petty, he told the guy to apologize to his employees for screaming at them, and when he refused he had us start packing all of the company vehicles in “his” spots.
Screw people like this, park right next to his door and let him suffer” 777joeb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-you asked the guy something nicely and went off on you completely. You mentioned he said he parked over the line to stop “you” from parking next to him, but he’s stopping most everyone else (not just you).
I’m not sure how parking works where you are, but here, if a spot is unassigned, it’s first come first serve.” togocann49
15. AITJ For Locking My Room to Prevent My Mom from Snooping and Correcting My Homework?
“I (15M) Live with my mother, younger sister, and father.
I have my room and my parents know I’m rather messy. My mom often tells me to clean my room. I usually end up doing it but sometimes I have more important things to do. Recently I’ve discovered my mom magically knows about whether my room is clean, where all my dirty clothes are, and what was on my desk.
This had me a bit confused at first but after around a month I realized she’s been going through my room.
She does this when I go to school and on weekends. She not only goes through my room but she also takes my homework or worksheets that are in my desks and corrects them, keep in mind she is not a teacher.
I’ve told her multiple times I appreciate the fact she’s trying to be active in my education but she should back off a bit. I’ve also told her that she shouldn’t correct my work since the point of the homework is so my teachers can see what I understand and can improve on, not what she knows.
She always responds with “But you should be grateful that you know the answers now that I corrected your work”. Now this annoys me a bit because she knows that I am a rather quiet person when it comes to academics. I usually don’t talk about them and I don’t need or ask for help, it kind of makes me a bit uncomfortable.
Recently I asked her for some privacy and told her “You don’t need to go through my room every day.” She replied “But you’re my child and I need to check what you’re doing.” Now this made me a bit confused and mad so I said, “How do you see what I’m doing in my room when I’m not even in my room?”
Now she snapped, she started going crazy and started shouting at me, and at this point, my dad came into this argument. My dad often comes into arguments where he has no context but always blindly defends my mother. I tried to explain to him I wanted my privacy and that there was no need for her to be in my room all the time.
He disagreed and I respectfully asked my mother again if she could stay out of my room and she said no. So a few days ago I built my makeshift lock. I tried it out and went to school, as soon as I got back home from school the first thing my mom said was my door didn’t open and I told her that I locked it for privacy.
This infuriated her and she went crazy again. I once again respectfully told her I wanted some privacy and that she didn’t need to go through my room. My parents are pretty mad but I honestly feel like my privacy is being invaded.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 15 and entitled to your privacy. I don’t know why people are saying YTJ or ESH when you’re a teenager. If you were a teenage girl, the votes would be a lot different, these people would be saying she is entitled to privacy, so why should that rule be different for a male child?
Some people truly make no sense. The second I turned 13 my mother flat out refused to go into my room whether I was there or not. She never just entered and she was very respectful about my privacy. And when I was in my room, she would always knock.
She modeled great behavior and respect. Why does your mother always feel the need to snoop on her teenage son? That’s rather weird in my opinion.” ThornedRoseWrites
Another User Comments:
“ESH You’re 15. What “more important” things keep you from not living like a slob?
You also live with your parents – I presume they pay the bills and feed you while you live under their roof. Their house. Their rules. Suck it up and clean your room. I agree that her correcting your homework is over the top. Why not sit down with her a couple of times a week and review your homework together?
She shouldn’t correct your answers, but help you to understand if you are wrong and where and why.” ShadowedTrillium
Another User Comments:
“You are not a jerk. You deserve privacy, and she definitely shouldn’t be going through your homework. However, I don’t think you can keep your mom out.
It is their house, and you are a dependent. My recommendation would be to keep your room clean (to minimize reasons for her to go in there) and to get a box with a lock for any items you don’t want her to go through.
You can’t legally add a lock to your door, but you can lock up your stuff. And be prepared for her to explode when she can’t open it.” TheBookishFoodie
14. AITJ For Being Upset My Best Friend Didn't Ask Me To Be A Bridesmaid?
“Me (22F) and my best friend (22F) have been best friends for about 5 years now.
A few months ago, she got engaged to her fiancé, who she’s been with for about 10 months. I have been pretty badly disabled for almost 2 years, but the doctors are finally figuring me out and I’m getting much better.
When she got engaged, I waited and waited for her to make me a bridesmaid, but she never did.
Then I got a Save the Date card in the mail.
When I asked if I was in the wedding (which is July 2024) she said no, because I couldn’t walk. I’d told her multiple times that physical therapy was going extremely well and my walking was steadily improving.
We’d always talked about helping each other with wedding stuff and being bridesmaids or MOHs to each other since we’ve known each other basically, but she never involved me whatsoever.
When I explained I still really wanted to be there for her on her day, she said I could be a bride’s assistant, and run all of her errands on the day of the wedding.
It didn’t make sense to me that she thought I couldn’t handle being a bridesmaid, but wanted to pencil me in as an assistant, which is about the same amount of work.
I said I was okay with it and ruminated on it for a day before realizing it hurt a lot that she would even suggest that.
When I told her it hurt me that she didn’t talk to me about not being in the wedding before sending me an invite with next to zero communication, she claimed it was because we barely talked and never hung out anymore.
We live about 1.5 hours away from each other and I can’t drive, but my partner of 3 years has always been more than willing to drive me to her so we could spend time together, and she always had some excuse why we couldn’t and the conversation dropped. I’ve never even met her fiancé because of this, and the last time I saw her (like 2mos pre-engagement) he was sick, and I couldn’t risk seeing him.
We’re both adults with lives and it’s normal for us not to talk like we did all the time when we were younger. She told me she picked her college roommate (who she’s complained about more than once to me) to be a bridesmaid instead of me.
I’m not as hurt that she didn’t choose me as I am that she didn’t even talk to me about it or ask if I’d be able to do it. I’ve always had such open and honest communication with everyone around, and I thought she’d at least say “Hey do you think you’ll be able to be at my wedding” or something to that effect.
I guess I wanna know if I’m the jerk for being upset that she didn’t even think of me in her plans or talk to me about my involvement after years of us talking about being in each other’s weddings.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t think you’re a jerk as much as I think you have a slightly different impression of your friendship than she does. Two years is a long time and it does seem like you drifted apart. If you haven’t even met your fiancé it would be a bit strange for you to be at the wedding.
It doesn’t seem like she feels all that close to you anymore, and I am sorry you have to find out this way.” fckinsleepless
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with no jerks here. If I had my wedding to do over again, I’d exclude my best friend as MOH.
She had just given birth after a very difficult pregnancy and I was selfish and didn’t think about her when planning – just what my “dream” had always been. She of course enthusiastically accepted- we had talked about this since we were kids. However, she lives in a different town from myself, and by the time the wedding was over I saw what a drain it was on her.
Being a bridesmaid is a lot of WORK and I wish she’d have had a chance to enjoy the wedding. Now that I’m older, I wish I had chosen all the cousins my mother was trying to pressure me into using to fill the roles, as that’s all they were in hindsight.
I wouldn’t be surprised if your friend is just trying to get things done and get it over with as stress-free as possible.” CheezyCatFace
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It’s okay to be disappointed, but if she’s not even going to include you as a bridesmaid, it seems to me you put more value on this relationship than she does.
The appropriate thing to do after she explained her rationale would be to just accept it and decide if that’s a friendship you want to pursue. She hasn’t given you the courtesy of being honest about moving on, then tries to make you her gofer to make her feel like she’s not a bad person.” srgonzo75
13. AITJ For Going Hunting After My Mom Banned Me Despite Her Previous Promises?
“I (21F) first got my dog, a sighthound, nearly 3 years ago as a hunting dog. I live with my parents (44F & 45M) and they knew and approved this.
My stepdad has been supportive of my wanting to go hunting as I’ve told him I wanted to go for years.
My mom, on the other hand, promised me for years that I’d be able to go hunting when I had the funds to pay for it myself.
I have paid for, taken, and passed all the legally required hunter safety and firearm classes to be able to purchase my hunting license. I not only purchased my license but all the permits and tags I needed for my hunt. When my mom found out I had bought all my stuff she forbade me from hunting.
Around Christmas I told my stepdad I was sad I couldn’t go hunting and he said I should go because I worked hard to do it right and I was an adult. On Dec 30th I told my mom I was going to stay with my bio dad’s family with my dog for New Year and she let me go.
I spent the 30th with my bio dad’s family, and then went hunting for 3 days. My stepdad and everyone on my bio dad’s side knew where I was during my hunt.
The problem is, someone on my bio dad’s side posted a picture online saying “Good luck OP on your and [dog]’s first hunt!” and my mom saw it.
When I came back home after the weekend she was waiting for me and started yelling at me for disobeying and lying to her. I told her I didn’t understand why she decided to change her mind when she promised I could go if I paid for everything and did.
She just walked away and refused to talk to me until I apologized.
I know I was wrong for lying to her about what I was doing but I didn’t want to throw away all the money I spent on gear, classes, licenses, and permits for my hunt.
Not including the time and all the funds that went into my dog, her training, and her health. She let me pay for all these things but when hearing I had bought everything she decided to ban me from going.
I enjoyed my time outdoors with my dog and our hunts, even if they all ended with no catch.
I felt very free and met some other houndsmen outdoors as well and did a joint hunt with one. We set up a date to meet up and hunt together again. My dog was also very happy while hunting, happier than I’ve ever seen her, and I want to make her happy again.
I don’t regret or feel sorry for disobeying my mom but my friends say I’m the jerk for lying to her and I’m second-guessing myself.”
Another User Comments:
“Lying is only justified (IMO) in extremis like to save someone’s life. But did you lie?
You said you were going to bio-dad’s with your dog. You did. Did you tell her everything about your plan? No. Privacy isn’t a lie. I’m concerned you’re this much in a twist about your mom’s opinions about hunting. Maybe she’s a vegan pacifist who thinks killing is murder, and she only agreed to the list of conditions to allow you to hunt because she thought you wouldn’t do them.
But you’re 21 now. She just doesn’t allow it anymore. She suggests, she advises. She can say you can’t both hunt and live in my house. But you are “allowed” to live your own life. Sounds like you have options. NTJ.” Agnostic_optomist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Although lying to your mother seems wrong, she backed out of the agreement she made with you, so she set the precedent. You took on all the responsibility and expense to ensure you did everything properly, and it doesn’t seem that your mother was burdened in any way.
It seems everyone else was in favor of your hunting. Maybe your mother was afraid something would happen to you but could not express her feelings. That’s the only thing I can think of that may have caused her to become so unreasonable.” KweeNeeBee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not sure why you felt the need to lie, or even if you did, but I’m guessing it’s because you still think your Mom can tell you what to do. It’s time to start asserting yourself. You are an Adult. She does not have any more power over you than you allow her to have.
You do not owe her an apology – she owes YOU an apology for overstepping her limits and for *her deception*. She falsely ‘supported’ your desire to hunt, even watched you spend your money on classes, gear, and licenses, and *then* tried to yank back the permissions?
What kind of person does this? Why is no one else calling her out on this behavior?” TrainingDearest
12. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Booked A Vacation Without Consulting Me?
“She (27F) mentioned wanting to take a 7-day destination getaway with me (35M) about two weeks ago during a phone conversation. We’re 3 years together, (2 years long distance, with visits) and speak every day.
Due to my current life and financial challenges, I said I would visit in March, (she visited for Christmas) giving myself approximately 3 months to get in order, and a vacation could be discussed at a later date.
Three days ago, she sent me a screenshot of a booked vacation itinerary, departing the second week in February.
No prior conversation, no questions asked.
I’m currently self-employed, trying to acquire work locally. But, between the holidays and a few unforeseen and costly vehicle repairs this month, I have absolutely no fluid spending cash.
She said she would cover everything. However, I am extremely uncomfortable being unable to pull my financial weight, more so when I am out of the country.
On that note, the hotel she selected is non-inclusive, with breakfast only. Which means I’ll be entirely dependent on her finances to get through the trip. This is in a destination country full of all-inclusive hotels. The reason being, that she has some family she would like to visit, and the hotel is closer to them.
I consider all-inclusive to be important when booking these types of vacations, for both financial reasons and general peace of mind.
The timeframe is also causing me an incredible amount of stress. I had been planning my life around the three-month mark, (which includes personal and health goals) and this trip overlaps one family, and one business event during the week of the trip, she was aware of neither.
Originally, she expected me to drive up to her (a 2-day trip) but as a result of my schedule, her revised solution is to fly me out to the departing airport, which allows me to attend my family event but overlaps my business.
Ultimately, it feels like I have absolutely no say in the matter.
Having already voiced my concerns, I’m being met with hostility, so I’m treading lightly. She reached out today to tell me she contacted customer service, but they can’t change anything, as it’s too close to the departure date, and she declined insurance.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but feel the decision was made in haste.
Long term, we are planning toward a life together. Engagement has been spoken about, so I feel like this is irresponsible spending, along with indications that my wants/needs aren’t being considered.
At this point, I either have to go along on the trip, or not at all.
I’m concerned I’ll hold some resentment, as this entire situation has made me extremely uncomfortable. I can swallow my pride, and hustle over the next 2 weeks, but potentially will have to sell some stuff to have a small amount of spending cash. If I choose not to go, that’s pretty much a one-way ticket to break up town.
I’m a laid-back person, but everything surrounding this situation has me out of my skin. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I really can’t wrap my head around her thinking it was perfectly fine to book a trip not only without your knowledge but also without knowing your availability AND without insurance.
That’s just foolish. To then be hostile with you because it makes you uncomfortable (for a completely valid reason) is not cool. She needs to be able to understand your point of view and why this was probably not a good idea. She also needs to know that you want to be included in decisions with stuff like this in the future.
As for being unable to cancel due to it being too close to departure, there’s a chance she can call and *move* the booking to a later time in the year. If they allow her to do that, then she stands a good chance that she WILL be able to cancel once it has been moved.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A full-week trip is not a small expense. It’s great that she wants to pay for it all, but the lack of communication is the issue. My wife would smack me upside the head if I booked a full trip without her knowing, even if she wanted to go to that place.
She’s in the wrong for just going ahead with it and expecting you to be cool. Like you said, you are uncomfortable with not being able to pull your weight. There is an emotional piece of finances that she didn’t even think about.” paradigm_x2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ solely because she should have discussed this with you before booking the vacation. You have professional, financial, & personal responsibilities to take into consideration before taking such a break, not counting the financial consequences of taking such a break from work and the other expenses of being on a trip.” SunshineShoulders87
11. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Sister She Bought Us A Wrong Wedding Ornament?
“My (M29) wife (F33) and I got married in late December of 2022. This date is important to us and our family for multiple reasons so it felt appropriate. We had a Christmas-themed wedding during our engagement and when we got married we always received wedding-themed ornaments from our friends and relatives alongside our other gifts.
This year my wife and I were sick (not related to any serious illness) on the day we were supposed to meet my parents and my sister’s (F32) family to exchange gifts. My sister has recently had a small child and we missed the party to avoid making others sick.
This meant we had to move Christmas from my sister’s house to a local restaurant a week later.
When we exchanged gifts this year we didn’t get any ornaments. Just a pasta pot, utensils, a premade pasta kit, and some white wine. Very generous, especially since my sister knows one of my wife and I’s bond is cooking and I have always gotten compliments on my food.
We thought nothing of this and thanked them for the gift. We thought that my family must have just decided not to do it as we were now into year two of our marriage so perhaps there was less interest in wedding-themed reminders.
Yesterday my sister realized that forgot that she had bought us an ornament and sent me a photo via text saying that we could work on picking it up later.
As I look at the photo I get a little smirk. In a nice cursive font, I can see “Mr. and Mr. EST 2022”. I have confirmed with my wife that I am reading it right. I am not sure how my sister would make this mistake since she’s an elementary school teacher and definitely can read cursive.
I genuinely cannot tell if this is an accident or a continuation of a recurring joke on my part.
I regularly give cards and gifts to others for occasions other than the one being celebrated as a joke (a 3rd year birthday card for my sister’s 30th birthday for example).
My sister knows I do this and even participated by making the baby announcement she sent me a birthday card for my birthday (this was not done on my birthday but as it happens the baby and I do share a birthday along with my mom).
Everyone else’s baby announcement was a normal one, the birthday card one was just for me.
WIBTJ if I told my sister that she got a gift we cannot use? I could see her being embarrassed by getting it wrong especially since her job is teaching cursive and my wife and I could easily hide it and keep it hidden somewhere on the tree.
However, my wife also pointed out that if unintended my sister could get a refund”
Another User Comments:
“Always better to err on the side of politeness, especially if it’s no big deal to you and, as you said, you can just “hide it” on your tree.
Maybe sometime in the future (like next year, if you still remember/care) you can tell your sis, “Oh, hey… I didn’t notice this at first, but that ornament you got us last year says “Mr. and Mr.” isn’t that hilarious? You sound like you’re pretty laid back about it, so why not make it a fun memory/inside family joke?
Yeah, you WBTJ if you just point it out like it’s a fault.” BrittleVine
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here talk to her about it, if she feels awful about it you could insist that you love it because it is funny to you and will have pride of place as a gag ornament on your tree.
If you don’t talk to her about it she may enquire further in the future and then feel worse. It might not even be her fault she might not have clocked that the wrong one got sent to her or any other innocent mistakes. It’s all in the delivery of how you say what you say to her.
Healthy adult relationships have healthy communication. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.” The-Third-Child
10. AITJ For Kicking Out My Former Best Friend Who Neglected His Cat And Infested Our Apartment With Fleas?
“My former best friend moved in with me in June of 2023, and things went downhill fast. I was doing all of the chores, and paying for groceries, he was never home and I was taking care of his cat constantly.
I was changing her litter, and her water, brushing her, and so on. I later realized he wasn’t feeding her, and that he was making our two cats share from an automatic feeder that was only set up for my cat. He then got extremely defensive and angry when I moved the feeder into my room.
He had his cat at another person’s apartment for a while after that, and his cat got fleas. He treated her for fleas and came back to the apartment to change. A month later, I realized my cat had fleas. Problem number 1, I have a panic disorder and have an extreme phobia of parasites.
It wasn’t that bad at first until I was finding fleas on my carpet, my bed, my clothes, and so on. I started staying at my partner’s house, coming home to take care of my cat, and taking burning hot showers to feel comfortable.
My best friend did nothing.
I paid for flea treatments, I offered to pay for his too. I was vacuuming, spraying flea spray on everything, trying so hard to get rid of them but he wouldn’t treat his cat or let him treat his room. He said it wasn’t his fault so he didn’t have to do anything about it.
At some point, my dad realized something was wrong, and told me that either my best friend does flea treatment for his cat and his bedroom, or he was going to have to leave.
I relayed this message, and my best friend went on this whole rant on how horrible it was that I was telling my dad (who was on the lease, my best friend was not) what was going on.
He then said he wasn’t going to pay rent for the next month, which I was okay with if he was going to be leaving. He came to get his cat with his friend and demanded that I come out of my room and talk.
At this time I had a severe respiratory infection that almost took my life a few days later, and I was exhausted in my room trying to sleep. I told him to please leave me alone.
We talked a few days later and I told him he didn’t have to leave, that he just needed to help me get rid of the fleas.
He refused and moved everything out of the apartment a few weeks later.
I still feel bad, because I know that he had to go back to his mom, who was verbally abusive to him, and he was my best friend. I have a better-supporting friend group now, but it’s still been hard.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he didn’t help with chores and dumped his cat’s care on you, then infested your home with fleas. He didn’t respect you, your home, your cat. Those are not the actions of a friend, much less a best friend. Don’t feel bad for taking back your space and peace of mind.
You are better off without people that treat you like that.” SweeperOfChimneys
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry this happened, but he was not a good friend to you. You were treated terribly by your friend. It’s an unfortunate fact that abuse is learned. Hurt people hurt others.
However, that doesn’t negate or excuse the hurt they cause. And until they are forced to accept the reality and consequences of their actions, the cycle never stops. Don’t become part of that cycle.” km flushing
Another User Comments:
“Your friend was never there, yet you were doing all the chores and buying all the groceries.
Well, if he was never there; then the chores were cleaning your mess, and you were the one eating the groceries? The cat part? Yeah, NTJ at all.” stepstothehouse
9. AITJ For Stop Sharing With My Ungrateful Roommate?
“I (21F) have a roommate (18F) we’ll call her Penny. So Penny has told me her story and how she’s come from basically nothing, she’s never really had anything of her own and I believed her because….
Well, I don’t know her like that so I didn’t want to write her off as a liar. Penny usually asks me for some of my snacks/resources so I try to get her things without her asking so she doesn’t have to feel bad/awkward.
So a few nights after Penny moved into my room she asked me if I had anything to snack on because she was “starving” so I shared some of my Ritz crackers because that was all I had at the time. Penny was on the phone while she was eating the crackers and the person she was talking to asked what she was eating Penny said “Crackers, they dry as heck but it’ll do.” I didn’t say anything because… I mean… it’s crackers..
they’re going to be dry.. so I just let it slide.
Two weekends ago, I went to Walmart with a group of girls, Penny didn’t go because she didn’t have any money so I called her and asked if she would like anything back from Walmart to which she responded “Just a snack and a drink, I don’t care what it is.” So being the person I am, I thought to get her a big bag of Doritos and a six-pack of Sunny D because I thought that if I got her something big then she wouldn’t need to ask anyone for anything for a while.
Once I returned from Walmart, I handed Penny the grocery bag with her snacks and she thanked me at first until she looked in the bag and saw what I got then she said to me “Dang, I just wanted a small bag of chips and a soda, this is overkill.” I was slightly offended so I just left the room for a bit.
Then yesterday I ordered Sonic, so I thought it to be nice again. I ordered Penny some McDonald’s, I got her a medium cheeseburger meal with a lemonade. Once I got Penny her food, I put it in our dorm and went to her in the study area and let her know that I got her food.
Penny asked me if I got her Sweet Tea in I told her Lemonade, and this girl said to me “You should have gotten me sweet tea, it’s my favorite drink. If not sweet tea or Dr.Pepper but lemonade is okay I guess.” It was at that point that I figured that Penny is one of the most needy yet ungrateful people that I know so I stopped sharing with her.
Lately, she’s been hinting that she wants food or that she needs something but I’m over getting things just for her to complain about it. She’s been getting more and more persistent AITJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t her caretaker or her mom, and she needs to learn to take care of herself.
You’ve gone above and beyond by buying her food when she hasn’t even asked for anything, so for her to complain about what you got for her? Sheesh. There has to be some other resources for low-income students and just people in the area — food banks and whatnot where she can get what she can get.
Though I worry that she may stop asking and just steal your food/snacks if she knows where you keep them.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop doing things for her. She doesn’t appreciate you or the help you are getting her. It sucks she is treating you like this, but no, you are NTJ.
Set up healthy boundaries with her. If you decide you still want to help her with food, tell her she needs to be EXACT in what she wants because you’re done playing the guessing game with her, because you always lose, by no fault of your own.” blueeyedwolff
Another User Comments:
“She’s entitled and I’d stop if I were you. You two may not be able to live together for the long run if she’s going to continue to drop hints- because they may go into confrontations. During the day, she’s not owed snacks or fast food from you or anyone.
I’ve been broke af, and I knew people didn’t owe me things. Just because someone has had unfortunate situations doesn’t mean they can’t be entitled and greedy. NTJ.” FancyPantsDancer
8. AITJ For Wanting My Money Back From My Mom Who I've Been Supporting?
“I am a high school senior (16F) who is supporting my mom, although I have a busy schedule. I’m graduating a year early so I take extra classes, I’m a member of 3 extracurriculars, and I used to have two jobs before one closed down earlier this month– I would work 25-35 hours a week back then.
On the other hand, my mom has a job where she works maybe 6 hours a day for a few days a week. She doesn’t cook or clean, and every time I ask her to do something or take me somewhere she has a problem, I have to lend her money all the time.
Anyway, I never had a problem with this because I don’t want us to be evicted. My sister (19F, she’s now moved out) and I have given her thousands of dollars to help pay rent and bills and give her gas money, especially over the past six months.
I have not been able to save for college. I can only dream of saving for a car. I don’t have any savings at all except for the coins in my piggy bank. And I figured I would just tough it out until she gets a real job and steps up as a mother but she keeps saying stuff like “I can’t work” and “I’ll deal with the consequences if we can’t pay rent” and I’m just confused because she’s acting like she doesn’t have a child she’s supposed to take care of.
If she’s so comfortable with being put out then I can make it on my own. If we get evicted I want all of the money I ever gave her back and for her to give my sister her money back too. Do you guys get where I’m coming from?
I haven’t mentioned that I want it back yet because I feel like it’s a jerk move but I’m sick and tired of this. Not to mention she tends to steal my things and acts stupid when I confront her about it and she vents to me about her feelings and her problems with her partner as if I don’t have my problems. It’s annoying.
I want to be cared for and treated like a real person by my mother. And if not then I want my darn money back.
I completely care for myself. Buy my food, clothes, hygiene stuff, bought my cap and gown which was 80 dollars, and stuff like that.
And she still feels some urge to take from me. She’s so evidently jealous of me and she copies everything I do. The only thing she isn’t copying is how I work, I guess. And she’s ADDICTED to her phone she spends ALL her time on there.
Is this woman not crazy?
My post was way longer but I had to remove some stuff so it would fit the character limit. So if anyone wants to know other stuff that makes me feel like she’s crazy then let me know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sweetie, your mother is awful and you’re never going to get what you want out of her, either your money or care. Since you’re about to graduate anyway, it might not hurt to look into legal emancipation and find somewhere else to live or move in with your sister for a while.” writinwater
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, you need to be focused on the next steps for you. Applying for college and housing and grants and everything that will help you if your mom isn’t willing to. That may mean looking into emancipation, if you’re in the US, it’s a hard climb but may be feasible.
You’re essentially done with high school so it doesn’t benefit you to keep that tie- it would help you to cut it because you wouldn’t need your parents for financial forms. But you need to accept that money is gone. The question is just what is next.
However, you are allowed and it is reasonable to feel this way. NTJ” rak1882
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. However, you’ll never see that money, so please don’t work yourself up about it. Please consider becoming an emancipated youth. If you are, you can get SUBSTANTIAL financial assistance from most colleges.
Don’t be afraid to apply to expensive schools either. They often have better financial aid packages. ” CarpenterMom
7. AITJ For Letting My 2-Year-Old Son Play In Our Apartment Despite Neighbor's Complaints?
“Last November my family of 4 husband 21 me 21 f and our two sons 2 and 8 months, moved into a small apartment complex. From the front of the apartment, it looks as if we are entering the ground floor.
While doing the tours we knew we wanted a downstairs. We chose the apartment and moving day came. We decide to look around for the on-site laundry mat. Upon exploring we realize there are 3 stories to the complex. (The apartment looks like one large house where you enter a closed hallway and then go into your door) meaning we have the middle level.
At that point it’s too late, we have signed the lease and paid the money. No backing out now. Well, fast forward a week or so and we can tell the downstairs neighbor is getting upset. My son is 2 so he is very very hyperactive.
We have worked really hard on an established routine so he goes to bed around 8 pm every night and wakes up around 8/9. I feel like this is pretty reasonable.
Every time my son jumps, dances, or even remotely walks just a little too heavy they will bang and beat onto the walls.
And it’s pretty loud. It terrifies him. I try to assure him he’s safe and that it’s nothing to worry about. From the time he was 6 months old, he slept in his own bed in his own room with no problems since moving in he refused to sleep in his room or even in a bed in our room he will only sleep in mom and dad’s bed. He just says the “monsters” the going to get him.
When they start banging he will scream and cry about the “monsters” My husband had a conversation with the neighbor and she asked us not to let him play around during the day since she worked overnight and slept during the day. She claimed she wasn’t able to get any rest with him playing around up here.
Don’t get me wrong I try to make sure he isn’t running around for hours on end. But even if we have been gone all day and come home at dinner time the mini we walk in the door they start banging. We have contacted the property manager and they have done nothing.
We got snowed in for about a week and she actually came up to the apartment with her next door neighbor who was mad at her for banging on the walls. Again she asked us not to let him play around during the day. We told her tough luck.
He’s 2 him playing through the day for 20/30 minutes at a time isn’t unreasonable. I’m not going to force him to sit on his behind all day. And yes we do go out a lot I take him to the park, store, and even go to visit family 3/4 times a week.
But it’s still his house and he deserves to play. AITJ for just letting him?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. It’s understandable that a 2 year old will make noise. It’s also understandable that the neighbor is upset. Especially when they need to sleep during the day.
Perhaps try find ways of reducing noise, such as some carpeting, or some at home soft play cushions which they can play on. This may help reduce banging. Also consider where their bedroom is. See if your child can play in rooms that aren’t directly above where the neighbour is sleeping.
It’s just about trying to have respect for one another.” LexAnonX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I were you, I would find a non profit that gives free legal advice and see if this is grounds for breaking the lease. Your neighbor’s behavior could be considered as harassment and your property manager has been informed but has done nothing to stop it.
If the laws in your city would allow you to break the lease under these circumstances and you communicate that to the property manager, it might force them to do something about your neighbor.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as someone who used to work night shift it’s totally unreasonable to ask the neighbors to stop doing regular daytime activities.
Most people work/ are awake during the day. Night shift work is the minority. I can’t ask my apartment manager to not vacuum the hall during normal waking hours just because I work at night, when my 5 other neighbors work during the day. She can get ear plug or a white noise machine or move.” SaorsaAgusDochas
6. AITJ For Refusing To Serve A Customer?
“At my work, no one can use the bathroom. Due to someone literally making a mess on our bathroom floor a few months ago and a number of other disgusting incidents, we have made the bathroom employee-only.
It has an “out of order” sign on the door and a giant cardboard cutout blocking the door so most of the time customers don’t even know we have a bathroom.
Today a man in his 60’s came in and immediately asked to use the bathroom.
I usually feel bad about this so I just said “I’m sorry, it’s out of order.” And he immediately called my bluff and said that he knew it was working. At this point he was getting visibly frustrated, so my co-worker jumped in and said that the bathroom was not public.
Then I kid you not, this man yelled, “I am 64 years old, I need to go now, I will make a mess on the floor if you don’t let me in!”
So my co-worker was like, “ok, just this once.” At this point, I was already getting uncomfortable since even though the guy was old he was tall and BIG.
He came back out and started to walk to my register, so I immediately went into the back room and told my managers about the situation.
Needless to say, they were upset at the guy and told me I could stay in the office until he left. It took this guy at least 15 minutes to get all his stuff, but I was so relieved when he left. My manager let me know that this guy will not be allowed back to the store due to his aggressive behavior not only for the bathroom thing but also just the way he was talking to my co-worker when he was helping him.
Anyway, the reason I’m posting here is because I mentioned this to a friend today and she said that we were the jerks for not allowing our bathroom to be used by customers. She said that we should expect people to get upset when there’s a perfectly good bathroom that they aren’t allowed to use, and the fact I didn’t help him when he went to my register makes me a bad employee(my managers would say otherwise) and a coward for not being able to face this guy.
So tell me, am I the jerk for refusing service to an aggressive old man who threatened to make a mess himself in the lobby?”
Another User Comments:
“He was threatening… this wasn’t someone begging to use the bathroom politely this was someone demanding to use a nonpublic bathroom.
Proceeded to retaliate by leaving his pee all over the toilet. And was being rude and aggressive with my coworker when he was helping him. I don’t care how old you are, if you ask nicely I’ll direct you to the medical side of the lot where there IS a public bathroom.
But get loud and mean… that’s crossing the line” Lopsided_Hat_8983
5. AITJ For Turning Off My Child's IPad?
“I’m (40f) not seeking validation. I’m genuinely conflicted and this feels complicated to me. Wondering if it’s very simple to others.
My ex-husband (37m) Frank bought our child (6) Pat an iPad for Christmas.
He checked with me first to see if I was OK with this (kinda—it was a bit rushed, but he did). I had concerns about screen addiction in general, but we agreed we’d keep an eye on it/would work together on it/etc.
Fast forward to when Pat returns home from Christmas with Dad. We’re laughing and joking as usual while I cook dinner when I overhear another voice—Pat’s dad! Frank had FaceTimed Pat on the iPad. This felt invasive to me, but I didn’t want to disturb my child’s fun, so I just made a mental note.
That next weekend when Pat’s at Frank’s house, Frank texts to try Facetiming with Pat. I text back, “Is it an emergency? It’s not a good time.” In reality, I was lounging on the couch unclothed, and didn’t particularly feel like putting on clothes to Facetime.
He said no, but texted an hour later to see if now was a good time. I figured they were just excited about the iPad, so I put on clothes and obliged.
The next Sat, Pat and I were hanging with my Parents—big grandparent fun—when I got a text from Frank [and I looked this up just now so it’s word-for-word]: “Hey [iCodeSwitch], Happy New Year, Is Pat not allowed tablet time?
Like when do you cut it off or what did you set screen time to? I’ve been trying to Facetime Pat all week”
Pat has no set time—we just hadn’t been using the iPad. I texted Frank back that I didn’t know he was trying to call.
And to let me know next time and I’ll get the iPad out.
My question: WIBTJ for turning the iPad off in my home unless requested (and letting Frank know)? I’m uncomfortable with the idea that a 6 y/o should have open access to calls at any time, for multiple reasons—but I also find it extremely invasive for my ex to expect to Facetime anytime—with my home and life in the background—without coordinating with me first.
I’m torn, because I don’t think my ex has ulterior motives—he just wants more access to talk to Pat day-to-day. But twice over the weekend Frank Facetimed Pat without my knowledge while I was having sensitive conversations in the background. And while I don’t chill unclothed around Pat, I certainly relax my styling and how much I have on (braless, toothless, wigless—you name it) more than I would in public, and something about him Facetiming with no notice just annoys the heck out of me!!
We are generally pretty competent and mature co-parents who get along and put our child first, but this just feels like a bridge too far for me—AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think your ex automatically should gain 24/7 access to your child just because he bought him an iPad.
I think you are justified in feeling that this is an intrusion. I take it that you have a custody plan and that a judge has signed off on the amount of access your ex should have. It would not be unreasonable if your ex had to text you before any Face Timing to check whether it is a good time or not.
It would be different if the child was older, but with a 6-year-old, limited screen time is also in order, especially when it is on an iPad with a sim card in it.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and it sounds like your relationship with your ex is pretty amicable.
Understanding when your son is using the iPad to place calls is pretty important, and managing your privacy is important, especially if you work from home and work with particularly sensitive information. Just work out some predictable rules for the iPad with your ex, whether that be firing you a quick message to give a little pat the iPad to talk or setting a predictable time Pat will have the iPad.” SelectCase
4. AITJ For Asking My Uncle To Compensate For My Lost Childhood Toys?
“I am (25f) deeply connected to my childhood years and I consider them the best years of my life so far.
My toys are the pride of my childhood.
My family house (owned by my father) was rented out by my uncle which is okay for me as I live overseas and I am sincerely happy someone is residing currently and looking after the property. The issue being he did not provide notice and moved my belongings without my input.
**EDIT** To clarify the living situation, the house is partitioned into 3 spaces within one building, my grandma living in one, my uncle in another, and myself and mum living in the last before we moved out, and the whole house including the 3 spaces is owned by my dad.
My uncle had no authority to rent out my place and if he did so at least he should have done a proper job respecting my items. Mind you, I am not getting a single penny for my house being rented out. The rental happened in secret and I could no longer return to gather my stuff as I was waiting for citizenship.
The property belongs to my father and he did not consent to the rental at all. We all considered our family home as our safe place left unattended we would eventually return to.
The issue being… my uncle left my childhood toys in the rented-out family house **with strangers**.
As a result, my toys were lost over time. His excuse? Not enough room. I told him if one wants to make room they can. My family are hoarders they have so much trash. I said if it was your stuff you would go above and beyond to keep them safe.
The people who transferred my stuff are my mother and uncle. At that time I was overseas and was not allowed to go back home for bureaucratic reasons. My mother assured me she did not throw anything out and could not enter our family house as strangers were residing at that time and did not want to disturb them.
My uncle admitted he left my stuff under my old bed and asked the tenants if the stuff bothered them. They said no. But since then many tenants have changed.
I was heartbroken and kept crying hysterically looking through storage rooms, under some stairs and a separate room.
It did hurt me that my stuff was not in a single place but rather scattered here and there. I felt like I was tirelessly collecting my pieces trying to reclaim control and keep my cool at the same time.
I was relieving past trauma as years ago my stepmother tore apart childhood photos which included my mom.
I wasn’t present at that time. I found out when I last visited my family’s house. All my photos and even baptism pictures were placed in a little hole at the back of the house. It’s not an attic. (It’s legit just a hole at the back of the house that’s far far up.
I had to climb there like a cat). That’s really bad as the moisture can severely damage my belongings. That happened years ago and again I was tirelessly collecting my pieces together. The hole where the pictures were placed is not safe at all to reach as one can easily fall and break their bones.
I felt excluded from my own family. My dad did nothing to stop this. He has poor boundaries and wants to please his new wife.
This happened ages ago with my pictures and now my toys..
It is not easy to travel to my family house as I literally have to travel 20 hours.
The last time I visited the house was not rented out yet and my childhood toys were still under my bed. I wish I made room to take them with me at that time.
So AITJ for trying to negotiate with my uncle to pay for my lost toys?”
Another User Comments:
“Unfortunately, it really is your responsibility to make sure your important items are stored properly where they couldn’t get lost or damaged, and not expect to leave them with family for an indefinite amount of time. But, I am not going to call you the jerk because life gets the better of us sometimes and it is clear that you have been dealt a lot of mistreatment by some of the adults in your life.
I hope you are able to salvage as much as possible and are able to find a safe place to keep what you can. NTJ” EsharaLight
Another User Comments:
“I don’t comment super often on these but I disagree with almost every comment I’ve seen here.
NTJ at all. I do agree that money won’t “solve” anything as it cannot replace the memories, etc. but that doesn’t mean it isn’t an appropriate solution. Your uncle broke into the home OWNED BY YOUR FATHER and rented out the space without your father’s permission.
Anything that occurs as a result of that is his fault and responsibility. If a teenager throws a party at their parent’s house without permission and several memorable keepsakes are misplaced or stolen by attendees, I have no doubt everyone would agree that the teenager should face consequences.
While there is little expectation for safety with an unattended house for a long period of time, there is the expectation that your uncle would not rent out a space he has no authority to rent and make money off it. Even if it was a simple case of theft by a stranger, they would still be responsible for the monetary value of the stolen items. I’m very sorry you lost your childhood toys, I hope that there are enough of your childhood belongings remaining for you to cherish and protect.
While it isn’t your fault this happened, I urge you to better secure the remaining items you may have, seeing as you cannot trust some of your family.” hangrypiglet
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – Yes, you shouldn’t have left them after the pics were holed away.
Your uncle was negligent, true but you had a hand as well by not securing them when you realized what happened to the pics. And what compensation are you looking for something that is truly irreplaceable?” Mustng1966
3. AITJ For Confronting My Parents About Their Favoritism Towards My Older Brother?
“I’m (30)M from India and have two older brothers. The eldest lives in Australia while the other lives in the Middle East. After 5 years of absence, my eldest brother finally came home recently.
And we were delighted to have him. He’s not as financially as well off as my 2nd brother but is doing fine.
From my childhood, I’ve witnessed situations where my parents, mostly my mother, favored my eldest brother. Like if he wanted a new phone he would often get it while I always get the hand-me-downs.
During squabble between siblings, they always tell me to compromise. Not wanting to prolong problems I usually relented. There was even a time when I received a phone from my father and he got jealous and got moody. My mother, at that time, told me to give it to him for the time being and I will get a newer one later.
I was upset at first but I relented due to my passive nature. It was through the intervention of my 2nd brother that I got the phone back. Like this, there were many instances where they favored him over us.
During our adult years, we took turns taking care of our family’s financial burdens and sometimes we covered for one another when times got rough.
I don’t earn much but I bust my backside to take care of my family. Even though I do or sacrifice a lot I feel like I don’t get much appreciation as my older siblings. Like I mentioned before he returned home after 6 years abroad and went shopping with my parents.
We were talking casually and asked him about our current house. He told me his allotted room was quite small and I replied out of all the rooms here mine was the biggest. He joked back that had he not gone abroad that room would’ve been his.
I became annoyed by this statement. I even think it was petty of me but my forgotten bag of grudges replayed in my mind at that moment. While I was going to my room my mother asked me what we were talking about. And I told her everything even his statement about the room.
She just giggled on hearing this. I further poked and said “Why not? Isn’t that the truth? If he was there and we both liked the room you would give it to him despite my pleas. She said it’s only because he’s the oldest but I called BS and yelled it was due to her favoritism.
We both got annoyed and angry and soon became a rant fest.
I walked out of my house for a while to cool down and later returned to my room. Right now we’re doing the “silent treatment”. Despite the quarrel, I don’t despise my family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you must know that this is so common in some families right? It’s not even about personality or life success – the eldest children very often get privileges and favoritism because they are the eldest and our culture has long had a social hierarchy that favors by age.
I’m not sure it’s going to do you much good to look for equality. I found the most peace I’ve ever known when I accepted that there was nothing I could do to get my parents to treat me the way they treated my oldest sibling, nor had I done anything to deserve the disparate treatment.
It was one of their traits that I’d need to protect myself from by expecting it to happen or choosing not to be around it so I didn’t experience any practical effects. The best thing is to focus on future change – if you have kids, don’t do this.
If you have nieces and nephews, don’t favor the eldest, and love them all equally instead. I stay on my parents about my niece and nephew and treating them the same (haven’t seen any issues yet) to make sure we break this stupid practice.” SnooPets8873
2. AITJ For Quitting On The Spot During A Major Event Setup?
“We won this huge 2 weeks Halloween event, and to be honest, I (the account manager) am not an event expert. I was hired to join this agency to manage the digital product, and my biggest event client is a dinner with 1000 attendees. So, I am not confident that our team is going to make it, so I raised the concern to my management.
I mentioned that I needed help to do this because I have no experience. What I was told is that the client did not pay enough to have more people join the execution and planning, so yup, only me and the other operation director.
I arrived 2 days before the event day at the site to support.
When the client was at the site, they came to me and began complaining about a lot of stuff too. I tried my best to resolve the complaints and until a point client started to complain to me about my management decision, saying that they were sending people who were not capable of doing this event to manage their super huge event.
After sitting down and listening to my client’s complaints for 2.5 hours, I walked back to the event site just to find out my whole team members vanished from the event site. At that hour, they should be setting up the event site, as the next day will be a whole day of rehearsal, we are out of time.
I listed down the complaints and tasks to do to get prepared for the event in our group chat and sought advice from my supervisor and setup team on what would be our decision to resolve. Everyone read the message but did not reply. So after 30 minutes, I texted my boss and asked if the team had any suggestions now it would be great, but what he said to me was that stop being a huge baby and start working.
He said that I was not trying hard to resolve the issues and I was not helping the team in any way.
I am actually serving my 1-month notice to resign. This on-site job was a messed up experience for me as the team lead didn’t even arrange my meal when I was on-site, I needed to find my meal and my own transportation.
I tried to be understanding as they might be too busy to bother one more team member so it’s fine. But during that moment, I was left alone in the event site, not having any dinner, sitting in the dark, unfinished Halloween event site, thinking about the next step I needed to take.
And one thought that came into my mind, and I immediately acted, was to reply to my direct supervisor, that they don’t need to pay me my salary for the month, as I’m going to stop serving my notice and leave immediately. My supervisor replied if I think this is a good idea, then go ahead, and I think it is a good idea, so I did.”
Another User Comments: “I think you’ve been the jerk to yourself in this instance. I’m not sure how large your industry is or what the grapevine in the industry but bailing on a customer event in this way can’t help but hurt your reputation and it’s not something that would be easy to explain.
I think it would have been more appropriate for you to have done your best to complete the engagement and then resigned afterward. I also think that would have been better for you, professionally.” AffectionateTruck984
Another User Comments: “Everyone sucks here. You didn’t resign on the event set-up day.
You left them in the lurch by leaving immediately. So you are a giant jerk for that and unprofessional. Bad karma may bite you in the rear for that one day. But maybe you think this won’t get out from a reputational perspective, as the agency is not particularly influential. That may be right today, but may not be right tomorrow.
Your company is a jerk for putting you in a tricky situation, but it just sounds like you were already looking for excuses to leave before you got there, because you didn’t think you had the right experience. A lot of people have to learn on the job (extrapolating from a 2k event, using common sense, ought to have been possible).
It is what it is. As soon as the client complained about you, it sounds like you no longer tried to fix their issues. Clients complain. If you work in the service industry, managing difficult clients is a big part of the job. You saw the team had walked out, and did what to get them back?
What kind of a colleague are you that your coworkers had no qualms about leaving you? Did you offer possible solutions in the group chat as well as listing complaints? Did you jump in and try to do anything productive other than texting? Why does the team lead have to arrange your dinner?
The biggest jerk here is your boss. Never bet your reputation on an employee who has already handed on their notice or bid on a project you can’t deliver. Your boss should have been in the trenches, rolling their sleeves up to deliver this to the team.
So, everyone sucks here, but you don’t come across as someone I’d want to work with, either.” Squiggles567
1. AITJ For Defending My Dad Against My Grandfather's Insults and Risking My College Tuition?
“My parents had me (19f) and my brother (18m) when they were teens. They worked their tails off for us and never once made us feel like we were a burden. Honestly, I don’t remember ever feeling very unhappy during my childhood.
Anyway, my dad had a hard childhood and his mom told us that it’s why he finds it hard to express and recognize certain emotions and that it took a lot of experience and practice for him to be able to be as open as he is now.
He’s also been diagnosed with a certain mental illness.
Doesn’t change anything for me. He’s still my dad and he’s a good dad and human being. My brother agrees.
My maternal grandfather hates him because of these “issues.” We don’t see them very often but when we do, I always end up angry because my grandfather is always complaining about my dad.
But he does it passive-aggressively so if you get mad at him it’s very easy for him to turn things around and make it so that my dad is dangerous and does have a problem.
I overheard my mom talking about this with her sister, and the only reason we still visit them is because they promised to pay for me and my brother’s university.
I told my brother and we just feel terrible. I don’t think I can explain how guilty I feel.
When we visited them last weekend, I tried to keep my mouth shut. But then my grandfather started to make comments about how me and my brother “suffered” our whole lives because of who our father is and that they should’ve given him custody of my brother and me when we were kids.
He usually says these things, and my dad just apologizes. It makes me so incredibly angry but I keep it in.
But then I remembered how my dad had to listen to this nonsense because of me and I sort of yelled at him to shut up.
I told him that my brother and I were and are actually very happy and have never once suffered. I should’ve ended it here but I couldn’t help myself and said that if I had to live with him, I definitely wouldn’t be able to say the same and I’d have gone insane if I was raised by him.
Didn’t end well. He kicked us out, accused my father of somehow passing on his issues to me, told them to get me checked, and said they’d no longer be helping with my tuition. My dad didn’t say anything but my mom started crying and told me that they’re adults and they can take these comments and I don’t need to step in because now I’ve pretty much ruined my life.
She told me to go beg for forgiveness and is saying we should be thankful they’ll still pay for my brother.
I don’t feel bad or regret anything. But my grandfather keeps calling my dad just to yell at him about me and I feel like I should say sorry and all that but I can’t.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I can see your mom’s POV. She and your dad had almost finished putting the years of groveling/work in to get your university paid for when you blew it. Life isn’t fair like in the movies, and you gave up part of your parent’s dreams for you with the tuition.
There were less aggressive ways to stick up for your dad, but it was understandable that you snapped.” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“You don’t need Grandpa for college tuition. Go to a community college for your freshman/sophomore years. Hunt for scholarships for your junior/senior at university.
Start working on being independent. Your grandfather uses the threat of tuition as leverage over your parents and you. Don’t let him do it. Your life isn’t ruined, why does your mom say that? Has her father trained her to be a doormat? (sorry, don’t mean to be rude).
Soft YTJ for how you spoke to your grandfather but otherwise, NTJ.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“OP, I wouldn’t want you to do anything that would make you lose your self-respect. Your parents have demonstrated that through hard work it is possible to have a good life; however, I imagine your parents would rather see you not have to work as hard as they did.
Talk to your parents about this strategy. Tell grandfather that you are very sorry that you misbehaved and yelled at him. He is your grandfather and deserves respect. You know that your grandfather cares about you and you promise to show more respect in the future.
HOWEVER, it hurts you terribly when he says mean things about your Dad. Then you need to work out a strategy with your parents so that when your grandfather goes on a mean tirade, you say, “I think it is going to rain”. Then everyone bites their tongue, gets their coats, and leaves.” Key_Plastic_3372
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