People Get Vulnerable About Their 'Am I The Jerk' Stories
24. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Sister Because Her Perfume Triggers My Migraines?
“I (24f) have a sister we’ll call Peggy. (15f). Peggy and I made plans to go to the mall today. As soon as she sat down in my car, I was hit with super strong perfume. A minute later I started sneezing, my eyes watering, and got a headache.
I rolled down my windows to allow airflow but it was still bothering me (it’s also winter here and freezing outside).
I’m extremely sensitive to smells like cologne/perfume and too much in an environment triggers a migraine. In the past, I’ve asked Peggy to be conscious of this and not to spray a ton before I pick her up in my car.
I was still parked in the driveway and informed Peggy that her perfume was bothering me and asked her politely to change her clothes. I explained my symptoms and she got upset and said, “Deal with it, it’ll go away eventually.” I told her it doesn’t go away, it soaks into my car seat covers and lingers.
Then she huffed, got out, slammed my door, and walked inside.
Our mom was in the driveway and heard/witnessed this and I informed her of the situation. Peggy comes back out with a different shirt but the same jacket. She gets back in my car and the perfume is still strong and coming from her jacket (it’s a soft jacket that absorbs smell).
I asked her if she could change her jacket as well and bring a winter coat. She got defensive and said no.
Our mom explained that sensitivity is not a small thing and that we needed to talk and work it out. I explained to Peggy that strong smells trigger migraines.
She said, “I’m not changing, I look cute today and don’t want to look ugly.” I tried explaining more but Peggy cut me off several times, made assumptions, and said things like, “She’s making a huge deal out of it.” And, “You always do this.”
I told Peggy I no longer wanted to take her to the mall and told her to get out of my car. She did call me a jerk and I left, driving with windows down. I have a headache from the smell and need to have a better conversation with her.
Is she right? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have issues with certain chemicals used in perfumes and soaps. My sister has it WAY worse than I do. I won’t walk into a Bath and Bodyworks shop, and those ladies passing out soap samples in the mall that get in your face can F right off.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You already made your sensitivity and conditions for riding in the car. She chose to blatantly ignore it. If she wants to go to the mall with you, she needs to be conscious of your needs and your rules for riding in the car.
She’s 15 and I get that she liked her outfit, but she chose to make the clothes smell with her perfume. I don’t understand why she couldn’t take her perfume in her purse, and just spritz a little on in the parking lot of the mall.
That way she’d smell perfumed in the mall, but it’d likely air out and not be as strong by the time you both drove back together. She also needs to learn that a little goes a long way!” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she needed a favor and didn’t want to meet a simple condition.
Those consequences are hers to take. She tried to pull a power move by taking over your space with her scent (lots of people treat their scent as a way of dominating a space, which sucks if you’re sensitive) and it backfired when you didn’t give in.
She learned something; you don’t have to feel bad about that.” redcore4
23. AITJ For Ignoring My Older Coworker Who Keeps Disturbing My Lunch Breaks?
“I work at a Midwestern United States grocery store and I have this coworker who I’ve been trying to ignore because he really annoys me. Every time I’m on my lunch break, I usually prefer to eat in silence as I like to be able to unwind a bit.
My coworker (I don’t want to say his name out of respect so I’ll just call him Seamus) will try to talk to me when I’m showing obvious signs of not wanting to talk. I need to backtrack a bit.
When I first met him, I would talk to him.
He was a bit awkward, but, so am I. He asked for my number and I didn’t want to say no as I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Mind you, I’m a 22F and Seamus is about a 39M (I’m just guessing that number because I don’t know his actual age but I do know that he is MUCH older than me).
He started texting me and I didn’t like it. He would say things like “I’m glad that we’re best friends” or “you’re very beautiful”…he has a wife and I don’t think she knows what he’s doing. I asked him if his wife is okay with the fact that he’s talking to single women in their early twenties that he barely knows and he replied with “yeah, she has no problem with it.” I don’t believe that, not even for a second.
I replied back “I’m sorry but this is just inappropriate. Please don’t text me anymore but feel free to talk to me at work. But don’t try to weasel back in if you talk to me at work. I’ll hate to do it but I will ignore you.” He hasn’t texted me since.
Now that he’s talking to me at work, it’s starting to get REALLY annoying. He talks VERY loudly and he doesn’t know how to read a room. There’s even other people that I’ve talked to that find that being around him is annoying.
I would not give him any eye contact or any kind of body language whatsoever that even hinted that I want to have a conversation. And what does he do? He starts a conversation with me about random stuff that I don’t care about.
I just want to eat in peace. I’ve started ignoring him in hopes that he would eventually stop talking to me.
Am I the jerk for doing this?”
Another User Comments:
“Generally NTJ, you need to draw boundaries where appropriate. However, giving a person your number just to avoid hurting their feelings is just setting yourself up for this.
If you learn any less from this experience, it’s “Saying no is not impolite, and even if their feelings are hurt for it that’s not your problem.” It’s not your job to coddle the feelings of a grown adult, especially ones older than you who should have learned how to take rejection by now.” neophenx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are doing the right thing as his behavior, no matter the disability, is getting out of hand. But I would document and contact your work’s HR to have him talked to before something worse happens. His infatuation with you is wrong and inappropriate.” Mustng1966
22. AITJ For Confronting My Neglectful Father Despite Him Buying Me Gifts?
“I, 14FtM, and my father, 50M, have had complications with our relationship our whole lives. These are some things my father has done over the years: not providing me with sufficient clothing and me almost getting frostbite from it (my father is middle class and my mother’s in poverty so he had to get me clothing), exposing me to extremely adult movies and shows despite me being uncomfortable, degrading me, and that’s not all.
Not to mention, he thinks I’m transgender for attention.
Overall, I’m fed up with him. My parents are divorced and because of everything I haven’t been staying with him for a while. Due to my mother’s aforementioned poverty though, she sent me to live with him until she can get everything together.
He didn’t change, but I couldn’t leave this time so I dealt with it.
My father forgot to pick me up from a weekly event. I waited outside for him for 30 minutes in the cold before a friend offered me a ride. I was obviously not happy with him.
I didn’t say anything because he always causes fights. When I walked in, he was busy fiddling with something he got that day. He told me to stop sending my sister upstairs when I have phone therapy appointments. I said ok and I understood but I was tired and upset.
He took that as disrespect. He stood up and cornered me. Telling me he earned all respect the second he chose not to terminate my pregnancy. When I acted apathetic, he got worse and worse.
The next morning, he told me he’s not getting me anything, or taking me anywhere.
Obviously I wasn’t happy. I have depression and this just worsened it. I remember feeling like a prisoner in my own home. He wouldn’t make eye contact with me, look at me, talk to me, anything. Anytime I talked to him he scowled at me.
When I tried to do school work on our computer, I’m homeschooled because of bullying, it was gone. I texted him about it and he told me he hid it because of past instances of me forgetting to put it back where it goes. The last instance of this was 2 weeks ago, and it was an obvious way to get back on me.
I broke on him, telling him everything I felt and what it caused. The whole time he was threatening me with punishment. He then called the police saying I was going to do terrible things as an act of revenge. I was transferred to the hospital and I was there for hours and hours, and when I got home I passed out from exhaustion.
Like, uncontrollably passed out.
My mom took me back under her wing. He still is treating me terribly though, just over text. There’s one problem though, he gets me gifts. Painted Doc Martens, a whole bass guitar, a Nintendo Switch, I don’t know if I’m just an entitled brat or if he’s actually a bad father.
I’m scared I’m in the wrong. AITJ or is my dad? I wanna know if I’m making a mistake I can never take back.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He should be paying child support to your mom so she can afford to have you live with her rather than giving you gifts to make up for his poor parenting.
That being said, you can’t change him, you can only change how you deal with the situation. Bullying is horrible but I’m worried about you being homeschooled – your best path forward is to do well in school and get a scholarship to college so you can move on in life” Past-Motor-4654
Another User Comments:
“NTJ obviously. And those aren’t gifts – whilst you are financially dependent on him, you are his monetary responsibility. Food, clothing, entertainment, that is his responsibility to pay for. That comes with being a parent. Unfortunately for you, your dad is a jerk.
I hope you can get away and find a better family of your own. (Fellow trans person here btw, finding our own family is just something that lots of us have to do – sending hugs if that helps! It does get easier, especially once you are financially independent)” dany_xiv
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The moment he chose not to terminate your pregnancy, he should have accepted the responsibility of being a parent- and that includes providing you with a safe and loving environment to grow up in. It does not entitle him to your respect.
Him buying you expensive presents isn’t sincere either, it’s a manipulation tactic meant to make you feel guilty and get you under his control again. Don’t let it succeed. Right now, OP, you’re still a child. But maybe for the law you can be considered old enough to have a say in which of your parents you want to stay with primarily- this is a custody battle thing is initiated. And most importantly, nothing of your father’s behavior is your fault, and you deserve much better than this.
Don’t feel guilty for being a child in a bad situation.” PretendingToBeSma-
21. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Brother's Excessive Restaurant Order?
“My parents (60s), brother and his partner (mid 20s), my husband and I (early 30s) went out for a late Christmas/New Year’s dinner because we were busy around the actual time.
I used to work as a surgeon, but now, work as a GP, which is how I met my husband. My parents aren’t very rich and nor is my brother or his partner. My husband and I are both earning a decent amount so I give a bunch of funds to my parents and always pay for their food whenever we go out.
I rarely go out with my brother because he always treated me poorly and hasn’t really changed. I still try to be friendly enough around him.
We went to a pricey restaurant. Everyone except my brother and his partner ordered 1 main, 1-2 sides and 1 drink.
The dishes weren’t small. My brother got 3 of the most expensive meals, 5-6 sides and quite a bit of expensive wine. His partner got 1 meal, 4 sides and quite a bit of expensive wine. When he ordered that much, I half-joked “I’m only paying for a normal amount not a whole restaurant”.
When it came for time to pay, I told both my brother and his partner that I’ll only be paying for 1 main, 2 sides and 1 drink for them. He started screaming that I was being a “jerk” for not paying for all of his food even though I’m now “rich as heck”.
I told him that if he was going to eat that much, he shouldn’t expect me to cover it. His partner was fine with it and said that she can just pay for her own meal (her parents are rich). I told my brother that I warned him that I wasn’t going to pay for him eating an insane amount.
In the end, his partner paid for his meal.
My parents said that I should have paid for his meal and told me to apologise to him, but I told them I had enough of him “taking advantage of everyone”. They half understood but said that I have to “love him anyway because he’s my brother”.
My husband understands since we both recently bought our dream house and aren’t really overflowing with riches and has always disliked my brother.
AITJ for not paying for my brother’s meal?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What grown man has a tantrum because he chose to order an arm and leg’s worth of food?
Does he also not realize that just because you’re a Doctor, it doesn’t exactly make you “rich”. The majority of my family is in the medical field and the only members that have any REAL funds are in Anesthesiology or own their practice.
Him being family doesn’t mean you owe him a darn thing. You offered to pay for a reasonable amount of food. He tried to take advantage of you. If anyone deserves an apology, it’s you.” Grclds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your funds.
I would tell your parents that they should shut up unless they don’t want funds from you anymore either. At your brother’s age I’d be embarrassed to not be able to my own food… it’s not your parents’ choice what you do with your funds.
they need to understand that they are not entitled to it and should be grateful for any support. Everybody in your family seems quite entitled” Illustrious-Tap5791
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Apparently when y’all go out OP always pays. It is one thing to always pay for your parents.
Likely they sacrificed and paid a lot so that OP could become a doctor. But to pay for an adult sibling is not necessary in my opinion. Eating a lot extra because someone else is paying is like deciding how much your gift should cost. Then complaining that the gift wasn’t good enough is inconsiderate.
I think OP should make it clear from now on she doesn’t pay for her brother. Time for some personal boundaries. I doubt the brother brings any benefit to OP. Not financially, emotionally, or even just ‘help me move this Saturday’ kind of assistance. It’s a one-way street is my bet.
And you are not required to love someone just because they happen to have the same parents. Even if you do ‘love someone’ you don’t have to give them anything. Do the parents tell their son he must love his sister? What OP should be prepared for is the parents giving more and more of their current resources to the son.
That is their choice. About all you can do is not enable them so that they can funnel cash and prizes to the boy.” TruckOk7081
20. AITJ For Disconnecting My PS5 From WiFi To Ensure My Baby Was Watched Properly?
“I’m the sole breadwinner in the house. I asked my wife to take care of the baby while I took a nap before I go to work at around 10:00. Half an hour later, I heard a loud banging sound that woke me up. It took me a few minutes, but I realized that it’s the baby kicking her feet on the back door (it’s a sliding glass door).
So I come out of the room and tell the baby to stop kicking the door and I see her sitting on the couch playing her game. So naturally I comment on how I asked her to watch the kid and how is she supposed to do that when she’s playing her game, to which she replies “Sorry I didn’t realize how hard she was kicking the door.”
For one, of course, you don’t realize how loud the baby’s being, your attention is on the video game. For two, I asked you to watch the kid, how are you supposed to do that when you’re investing your time into a video game? So I go back and try and nap with little confrontation and when I do I pause the WiFi to my PlayStation via my Internet service app because this is a regular occurrence (her playing games instead of watching the kid).
Once she realizes, she storms into the bedroom upset and saying I’m controlling her and how she’s gotta leave the house and cool off because she’s so upset when all I want is for her to watch the child while I take a nap before I go to work.
I don’t play video games unless I’m home by myself or the baby’s asleep. She argued that the baby ran to play in their room. My argument is that the baby is two and doesn’t need a parent preoccupied with video games when the baby climbs on furniture and kicks on windows and pulls cat’s tails.
Since she’s stormed out of the house, I’ve put kid shows on and the baby and I have been cuddling on the couch, keeping warm, which tells me that the baby was annoyed that momma was playing her games instead of interacting with her.
Am I the jerk for disconnecting my PS5 from the WiFi so my baby could be properly watched?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would highly suggest for everyone’s mental health you get a safe play space for the kid in the main room everyone spends time in in your house. Our kids were super active and into everything and I was a SAHP burning out constantly while my husband worked and had to sleep more because his work is around heavy machinery etc. tho playing something like Dead by Daylight while a toddler can watch is kinda questionable based on what I’ve seen from the game.
The kid won’t get hurt if they can’t access dangers while playing independently. I used to play Splatoon sometimes while chilling in the play space with the kids. She’s not wrong for video gaming while watching the kid if she’s watching the kid 8+ hours a day every day while you work plus more hours when you’re prepping for work etc, but y’all are wrong for not having a safe space set up for the kid for when someone is doing something nearby whether it’s video gaming, house chores, or going to the bathroom.” Lala_G
Another User Comments:
“Two years is a long time to have not figured out how to be a parent. I *love* video games. I *never* played them when my kids were awake, until they were old enough to play too. A two-year-old is still sleeping 10-12 hours per night and napping a couple hours during the day; she has *plenty* of time for herself where she doesn’t neglect the baby.
NTJ for the record.” 1Negative_Person
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: sounds like she’s a bum, get her out of the house to earn money and find childcare if she’s not willing to be a mother. Me and my partner both work and look after our child we both understand we need rest and alone time and we alternate to make sure we are never burnt out.
Also, that poor kid at that age being left alone never mind the safety aspect, At that age they want interaction they are learning at a rapid pace and want to experiment with words and sounds and general human interaction someone should be with that kid playing and talking constantly at that age.” Ancient-Range-
19. AITJ For Buying Myself Flowers After Boyfriend Didn't?
“I (26 f) had my first baby 14.5 months ago. I had pregnancy insomnia so I barely slept, I had postpartum anxiety after the baby was born and barely slept, and now my body just doesn’t let me sleep. I sleep an hour and then wake up for an hour and the cycle repeats until my son wakes up.
There are even periods where I’d be awake for 2-3 hours at a time. I started taking melatonin and that lets me sleep the first 4 hours uninterrupted but I wake every hour after that. I don’t have the 2-3 hours awake as often so it’s a win in my book.
So I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in over 2 years.
Lately, I and my partner (25 m) have been in the “roommate” phase. We still have intimate moments 5 times a week but there are no dates, cuddles, little gifts, or flowers anymore (I know it’s not like the movies but it was never like this, we always did something).
One night, right after I took my melatonin my partner mentioned being intimate. I said yes of course but told him I just took my melatonin so it needed to happen sooner rather than later. He said “okay let me finish this level and get a quick shower”.
Well he ended up taking about 20 minutes to finish the level and another 15-20 minutes in the shower but I was asleep by the time he got out so being intimate never happened. It wasn’t a big deal to me as I don’t think we lack in that area.
A few days later, I mentioned how he hasn’t got me flowers in a while. Last time I got flowers was my first mother’s day in May, so 8 months ago. Once I said this he replied with “well I wanted to be intimate the other night so sometimes we don’t always get what we want do we?” and walked away.
I was hurt by this but left it at that. The following day I went to the grocery store to get some things and I saw these cheap $10 flowers I found cute and decided to get them for myself. He got mad when I got home because I bought myself flowers and it makes him look like a bad partner because “he can’t even buy his partner flowers”.
So am I the jerk for buying myself flowers?”
Another User Comments:
“Holy cow.. NTJ. Him feeling insecure and looking like a bad partner.. is because him not getting you flowers because you didn’t have intimate moments with him makes him a bad partner. Intimate moments 5 times a week when you haven’t had a good night’s sleep in 2 years…I think he’s lucky enough getting that when he also doesn’t take you out on dates..
am I right in thinking he doesn’t help much with the baby either and calls it babysitting and not parenting?” daywear
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ. Not even remotely. And also: please go get some b***d work done! Lots of vitamin deficiencies can exacerbate insomnia (for example magnesium deficiency), and supplements can help.
You deserve good sleep! I’m glad the melatonin is at least getting you those first 4 hours, and hopefully your body can readjust and learn how to get a full night.” Jaded-Chip343
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is a bad partner for many reasons. First, he knows you don’t sleep well, then he mentions being intimate but isn’t ready until you’re asleep – then he’s upset about it and upset that you bought flowers.
Buy yourself flowers every week. It’s the least you can do.” Emotional_Bonus_934
18. AITJ For Kicking Out My Cousin After His Kids Damaged My Stuff?
“So my (30F) cousin who we will call Jay came over to visit my family yesterday. He came over with his wife Mal and 2 kids Kai (8F) and Lee(6M) and stayed for lunch.
I don’t really know the kids but I didn’t think much of it. I was heading out to the gym, but I ensured to close my bedroom door as I work from home and my workstation (a laptop and 2 screens) is set up there, and I also have my PS5 and books that I treasure in the room.
I left the Switch in the TV room and docked it for the kids before I left.
Fast forward I get home and when I go to my room I see the door open. When I enter I see that K and L switched my laptop on, the Playstation is on, and all my books are pulled off the shelf and thrown on the floor with my Harry Potter and LOTR bookcases torn.
I immediately go outside and tell my mum this is what’s going on. She was shocked and tells me she set the kids up to play in the TV room and that M was checking on them all the time. I asked M and she said the kids wanted to play in my room and she didn’t think I would mind.
This is where I may be the jerk. I told my cousin that my laptop isn’t a toy as it’s my work equipment and my mum bought me those book collections and they were really expensive and now they are ruined, he tells me they are just kids.
I told him if he can’t control his kids and let them act like barnyard animals then he should leave. He ended up leaving and my dad told me I was completely out of line and that I should have more respect. My mum agreed with me, and apologized saying she told them not to go into my or my brother’s room.
My cousin texted me saying I was completely rude and he cannot believe I disrespected him and that I’m being way too childish over books and a game and that I don’t get it because I don’t want kids, I told him after meeting his they became solid birth control for me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those children are old enough to know not to play with stuff they shouldn’t, but also young enough to test those boundaries – which is where their progenitors need to step up and enforce those boundaries. I would have launched the lot out the front door.
And no, NTJ with your responses either. It’s your work kit, and your (expensive) personal effects that they were going through and potentially trashing. If Cousin wants to let their children run riot, Cousin had better have a deep pocket and a willingness to hand out expenses readily.” Fearless_Spring5611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those kids should never have gone into your room. What if they had messed up your work pc? It’s bad enough that they damaged your books. Instead of apologizing, your cousin mocked you about childish books. Never mind that they had sentimental value to you.
Can you get a locking doorknob for your door?” Straysmom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You set up a game for them. They should be watched! I’d tell your cousin that they need to pay you back for everything they damaged. I’d tell your mom that you’re getting a lock on your door.
If you still live with your parents, move out and let them host your cousin whenever they want. Go NC with that cousin until you get an apology and money for your damaged items.” Ginger630
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17. AITJ For Taking Back The Gifts I Gave After My Family Pranked Me On Christmas?
“Ok, in the past couple of years I started making good enough money that I bought a house, and I still have plenty after the monthly bills. My family has all been pranksters and at times entitled, my whole life. But Christmas Eve they took the cake.
I was NC with them for years. But they convinced me to reconnect after I moved closer. For gifts, I got them all good stuff. Like tablets for the kids with built in DVD players. Sports memorabilia and camping stuff for my dad, brother and uncle.
Specific antiques, jewelry and appliances for my mom, SIL and aunt.
I brought my partner with me, as what little family she has are horrid. So she was delighted to spend Christmas Eve with my family. Everything was going smoothly. And I warned my family, no pranks on me or my partner.
AT ALL! They swore none would happen. But they could not resist. We got attacked by silly string from multiple fronts. That stuff reeks and gets everywhere. Somehow we powered through that.
But then came the gifts. I wasn’t expecting much. But none of them even tried. I got dollar store cooking utensils, a pair of insanely ugly holiday socks that I confirmed were also dollar store, and a pink hat.
And that was just from my parents. They all kept snickering and recording me as I unwrapped random junk. One being a used mirror to a car I no longer own. And the one gift there to my partner was a bottle of fart spray.
I told them I’d had enough, and they’d agreed to no pranks. Long story short, they weren’t just gag gifts. They were the only presents there for us.
I had enough and just started gathering up all the presents I’d brought. They all freaked out and demanded I give them back.
I told them all that they didn’t change one bit. And they could kiss all of that stuff goodbye. We bagged everything and stormed out. The family keep calling and messaging me that I’m being greedy, I couldn’t take a joke, couldn’t think of anything to get me, the kids are crying.
I don’t need to go on.
AITJ? I’ve refused to return any of the presents.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is wrong with your family? A prank is only funny if appreciated by everyone involved and you warned them that you didn’t want to partake in anything like that.
Furthermore, how is it funny to get a loved one awful gifts *without* a genuine present at the end? Your family isn’t pulling pranks, they’re just being jerks. You did the right thing by taking away their presents and while there’s not much hope for the “adults” involved, maybe the kids might learn a valuable lesson about messing around and finding out.
Not that they’re to blame in all of this, but a point must be made.” Aruu
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. I’m sorry your family has always treated you like this. You went NC & they reached out and lied to you and then still treated you like a joke.
I’d feel just as disrespected as you and I wouldn’t want to deal with it either. NGL I feel a little bit bad that the kids had to suffer because of the adults in your family, but that’s not on you.” Erickajade1
Another User Comments:
“You gave them another chance and were clear about your expectations and they did this, a time when they could have made amends. This would be so upsetting on so many levels! NTJ and although I’m sure it’s really painful, you can now leave these people in your past if you choose to.
You’ve done everything you can. It’s tough that the kids missed out on their presents but that’s the other adults’ fault and they can deal with the fallout.” Inevitable-Rhubarb11
16. AITJ For Snapping At My Dad After He Complained About My Mom's Cooking During Their Divorce?
“So my (29F) parents are going through a messy divorce after 30+ years together. Due to finances, and awaiting lawyers, they are currently still under the same roof since separation (going on for months now).
My dad has been making passive-aggressive statements about my mother to me for these past few months, mostly indirectly and I usually stay quiet. Tonight, I was in the kitchen when he came home, opened the fridge, and said darn, I’ve eaten the same thing for three days now.
I can’t remember exactly how the conversation went but I said “Are you complaining about it?” and “Why are you telling me?” I don’t think I yelled it or said it rudely but my dad seemed ticked off/surprised at my reaction and kind of dropped his jaw and said wow, [my name] you sound like [indirect version of your mother], what happened to you, you whipping me up, I can’t believe how things are changing around here” etc. I said no, I’m just saying, are you complaining about it?
And then he said something along the lines of he wasn’t complaining and said he should have bought pizza today. I said well then buy it, and walked away upstairs.
Background info: I was maybe shaking with rage because of the nature of how he’s been treating and talking about my mom throughout this whole separation.
This isn’t the first time either that I heard my dad complain about eating the same food multiple days in a row. Mind you he doesn’t cook, only my mom has been cooking.
Also, a few months ago we had a few family meetings where I would say something in defense of my mom or that I disagreed with how my dad was talking, etc and my dad blasted me, saying I seemed to like the “type of woman that would give my husband problems” and that something is wrong with my thinking and that I seem one-sided. And this is after I left an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship myself.
The truth is I’m not one-sided but I just disagree with the way my dad has been talking about and treating my mom since before this whole separation, so our relationship was already kind of rocky. I feel like junk overall tho.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ— your dad is. I understand venting, but parents should never make a habit of bad-mouthing the other parent in the presence of their child. If he needs to blow off steam about the divorce, he needs to go talk to a friend, not his child.
He definitely shouldn’t try to manipulate or guilt you into siding with him. Then to complain about leftovers when he’s lucky that she even cooks for him still? He’s the jerk.” CBoutIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t have to accept the way he is talking about your mother.
You’re allowed to tell him to keep it to himself because you don’t want to hear it. You shouldn’t have to take sides if you don’t want to. You also don’t have to take him insulting you. He is going to have to get used to fending for himself because he won’t have a woman to do all the women’s work like cooking and cleaning.
The food doesn’t just materialize in the refrigerator. Hard lessons. He is a grown man and he can manage to feed himself without complaining. I know fully cooked meals seemed to appear like magic for him, but the magician quit. Sounds like he has certain expectations of women and doesn’t view them as people anyway.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is sexist. Your parents are divorced and he still expects your mother to cook for him and thinks she’s a bad woman who gives her husband problems. I think the only thing you should say to your dad is this: “Dad, you’re getting a divorce.
Splitting up changes things. Please don’t put me in the middle by your comments.” Repeat as needed because I would hate to see your dad take out his anger on you.” ElmLane62
15. AITJ For Calling My Younger Interns 'Kids'?
“I (M43) decided to hire Linda (F25) as the new intern working directly under me at the company I work for. Linda is a long-term friend of my niece Jess (F24), and Jess essentially begged me to hire her as Linda was struggling to find work in her field of study and wanted to live in the city I work in.
I’ve taken on a sort of mentorship role for Linda, teaching her the ins and outs of our field. Linda is a quick learner and has been able to largely succeed in her role.
Given how closely we work, we’ve gotten to know each other quite well, and as such, Linda does regularly open up to me about her own life.
That being said, for the past month or so, I’ve been getting the feeling that Linda seems to want something more than employment. It was subtle at first, but I’ve noticed she has started acting more informally around me. It started with many compliments and bizarre questions; then, her mannerisms started to change.
She has also begun texting me outside of work hours (which is pretty normal) but about things that are more casual and non-work related. At our relatively recent holiday gathering for work, she kept coming into my personal space, and her behaviour and comments were a little suggestive, to say the least.
This past Friday evening, I and a few of the younger workers (including Linda) needed to work late to finish off a project. When it got late, I decided to order us some pizza. I said something along the lines of “What do you kids want on your pizzas?” Linda seemed taken aback by this comment and asked me if I thought she was immature or something.
This caught me by surprise, so I told her that while I didn’t think she or the other interns were immature, I mentioned how since they were all young and new in the field, they lacked experience and were therefore like kids from my perspective.
She seemed very disappointed by this and didn’t speak with me unless work-related for the rest of the evening. She was also absent yesterday from work “due to illness.” I told one of my non-work friends about this last night, and he suspects it’s probably because of what I said.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s outing herself as hot for the boss by throwing a (rather ironic) tantrum about how mature she is. A man in his 40s calling the interns “kids” isn’t weird or offensive, and it was probably the cleanest way for her to get the message.
Let her have a sulk and if she’s absent for more than a reasonable amount of time for an illness, or if her performance suffers, have a professional discussion about it.” ToxicEnabler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something is wrong with Linda. “Kids” was intended as a lighthearted and affectionate endearment for your younger colleagues, and it wasn’t meant to imply immaturity.
But she still shows how immature she is so she prob deserves being called a kid.” DreamyDahliaDance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I saw this title I figured it was going to be about hazing or workplace bullying, but it is not. It’s just said in jest, and lighthearted and a ridiculous overreaction by Linda.
I’d put a quick stop to the casual texts with a 19-year younger subordinate of the opposite s*x though. That can’t lead anywhere good.” jerseytiger1980
14. AITJ For Refusing To Do My Neighbor's Laundry When He Leaves It In The Shared Machines?
“AITJ for not wanting to do my neighbor’s laundry?
My wife and I share a duplex with a single dad (we’ll call him Steven) who for the most part is ok to deal with face to face but we’ve had our problems with (super loud past quiet hours, not following lease agreement rules which got the rent increased for the whole street due to insurance).
We’re civil and have never really had a bad face-to-face moment or any fights. We can typically talk things out.
We share a coin-operated washer and dryer with him and obviously, that can be inconvenient at times but it is what it is. Over two years since we moved in he occasionally leaves his clothes in either one or both machines for hours or even days on end.
We have texted him in the past to ask him to jump in or to just remove his laundry. Sometimes he does, other times we literally can’t find or get a hold of him. Our dryer takes two cycles to fully dry and he will leave them in there after one cycle and forget about them for who knows how long.
The last few times this happened, I removed his clothes, placed them in the cleanest spot I could, and did my laundry without another thought. He has reached out to us explaining how disrespectful that is and how we could have at least warned him or finished drying them.
My wife has had enough and insists that we just dry it for him to avoid conflict but I’ve reiterated a few times now that we are not his parents and if he leaves his laundry for more than a few hours it should be free game to move.
Leaving it all day is disrespectful.
Most people say he’s a jerk here so I didn’t think it would fit here but some have said it would be courteous and just respectful to just wait or do it for him and I’m just being petty.
I completely disagree and although I would love to be the good neighbor here, I’m not doing another grown man’s laundry. So who’s the jerk, my neighbor for leaving his laundry in the machines longer than needed or me for not wanting to just spend the money/time to do it for him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what do you mean do it for him? Is he not a grown man? If he’s grown enough to have a child, he’s grown enough to do his laundry when he needs to. Doing it for him is just going to allow him to keep up with this behavior, now he’s just going to expect it.
You’re not his maid, nor his parent. Y’all are better than me because the next time he would’ve left his clothes for hours on end occupying the machines, he would’ve found them on the ground because there’s no point in being courteous anymore.
He’s done it enough at this point, the ball is in your court to do whatever you please. I don’t care if that’s rude he needs to learn a lesson. Y’all are too nice.” Arch_FireHeart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! What is he 12!!!
He is a grown man and needs to take accountability and responsibility for his laundry. I would never do his laundry. Talk to the landlord ASAP regarding putting a large sign in the laundry room. Also, start taking pictures and videos of evidence that he is leaving the laundry for hours.
Send the information to the landlord via email if possible. Daily if necessary. I would assume that the multiple or excessive complaints would go against his leave agreement and stand for eviction. Of course, depending on your lease agreement.” Life_Emotion_5362
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
There’s nothing “disrespectful” about removing clothes from the washer/dryer, though people do get testy about it. My response? Take your clothes out in a timely fashion! We had that issue w/my bldg (20 units). Eventually, the manager set up two baskets in the laundry room; one for dry clothes, and one for wet clothes.
New rules were that if you didn’t take your laundry out in a timely fashion, other tenants could leave them in the baskets. Talk to your manager/landlord and get them to establish something like that. Do NOT do his laundry to “keep the peace.” And he shouldn’t be doing yours!” troppo
13. AITJ For Disagreeing With The Family Vacation Payment Plan As The Only Single Person?
“My family wants to rent a house for our family vacation and I’m the only single person going. We have 4 couples, one with one toddler, another with a toddler and a baby, and me, 12 people, 9 adults.
Last year I paid $500 to go on the vacation, which I disagreed with at the time, and we had a whole discussion, and I eventually gave in and agreed to pay it.
This year someone found a place that would come out to $430 per family (their words), and I tried to explain that I thought the pricing system wasn’t that fair, and suggested other places in my price range, using their per family pricing system, but they didn’t have everything the first place had, pool, dock for a boat, etc.(not requirements for me).
I got told by multiple people that I wanted them to pay more than me, even though they were going to share a room(I guess two couples were going to share a room, I wasn’t participating in the discussion at that time), and that because I was getting my own room(which they criticized me for until I said never asked for my own room, and I’ll be good with a couch, floor, whatever).
My mom said it would be $475 per couple instead of $430. Three people from three different couples said it was unfair to make them pay more. “So I get what you’re saying _____, but this model is the most fair. You want your own room and all the amenities that every family is getting but want to pay half.
I get your position, but that’s not fair either.” They said I am getting 20% of the value so I should pay 20% of the cost. I disagreed because in my opinion bedrooms are a small part of the vacation and I found it weird to have one person pay 20% of the cost for the entire rental, with 9 adults going.
Also that I have to be more flexible and that they understand money is touchy but we all have to make sacrifices.
It feels like I’m subsidizing everyone else’s vacation, and I’m being pressured into accepting it. Also, I’m sure it might come up, I make the second to third least of all the adults going.
I’m fine financially, but I really disagree with this pay system.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You have a private room and equal access to other amenities. You pay the same as other groups with a private room and access to amenities. “In my opinion bedrooms are a small part of the vacation.” Are the other people impeding your use of common areas?
Or lessening your enjoyment of them?” thirdtryisthecharm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve seen this before too. It should be a combination of room and food cost. Food is definitely per person. I feel that couples are so cheap sometimes. Like they don’t each use supplies and eat food?
They don’t eat half a serving each you know. Singles tax is BS.” gamjatang88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- it’s basically a tax on being single. If you are happy to share, have a small room, or another solution then I don’t see why it can’t be split differently.
Even if this looks like SO’s paying half of your bill between them. So if you were meant to be paying $500, you would pay $250 and then the 4 other SO’s would pay an equivalent of $62.50 dollars each, that’s only $31.25 extra per person for the others, whereas you would be paying an extra $250 to go alone.
I know that’s not the exact numbers but just for the sake of an example.” Dramatic_Window_6685
12. AITJ For Being Upset That My Parents Threw Away A Sentimental Christmas Decoration?
“I (f19) live with my parents and four siblings (one older and three younger).
I’m currently working and finishing up my BA degree. Tonight I got home from work and my mom was taking down/going through some of our Christmas decorations. She and my dad started talking about a (very well-loved) decoration that I had always thought of as a family favorite and planned to ask for when I eventually got my place.
Parts of it are broken, but that’s because it’s been appreciated.
They said they were thinking about throwing it out, and my dad went to toss it in the trash. I asked him if I could keep it if neither of them wanted it anymore because I have very fond memories of it at Christmas.
(for reference it would fit in a box that is less than a foot long and a foot high, so it does not take up much space). My dad said no and threw it away. I asked my mom and she ignored me. I asked again if I could get it out of the trash and keep it if neither of them wanted it as I have very fond memories of it myself and wanted to have it in my house someday.
My dad laughed and said “It’s not coming out of the trash” and watched me to make sure I didn’t get it, so I went upstairs and didn’t come down much for the rest of the night. When my mom asked why I wasn’t spending time with them, I said I was angry, and she treated it like a joke and said I could just buy a new one (which may be true but this one has sentimental value to me because I remember it from so many Christmases when I was little).
I’m aware that it’s stupid, but I don’t see why I couldn’t have just kept the thing in a box in my room because it took up so little space. She said I’d never expressed a preference for it before, which maybe I haven’t verbally.
I have just always liked it.
So am I the jerk for avoiding family for the rest of the night/skipping out on limited family time over break? I was very frustrated, but it does come across as a bit immature typing it out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s beyond mean to be like that about it when it wouldn’t hurt them to let you have it. Get it if you can, but make sure they don’t know. My dad pulled a similar thing and when he saw I was going to get the item, he pulled it out and jumped up and down on it to smash it to pieces.” FloatingPencil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents enjoyed your distress. They didn’t do it despite your distress. They did it because of your distress. You were their holiday entertainment. They’ll laugh about it for years. “Remember throwing out that old decoration! Remember how upset our daughter was!” Your parents are cruel, and their cruelty amuses them.
Adjust your expectations accordingly.” AdOne8433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s not childish to be upset that they deliberately disregarded your feelings after you were clear about them. To the point of preventing you from rescuing something you stated you care about. It’s not childish on your part it’s cruel and childish on theirs, depriving you of something simply for the sake of it.” Fabulous_A_53
11. AITJ For Making A Repairman Uncomfortable While He Was Working In My Home?
“My friend (22F) and I (20F) are left feeling confused after an interaction with a repair man who came to install a chandelier in our home and left abruptly saying he felt ‘too uncomfortable’ to continue working. My mom (55F) also lives in this home.
For context, a repair man (45-55M), came to our home to install the chandelier. When he came, he explained to my mom that removing the old chandelier + installing the new chandelier would take ~2 hours.
Around 2 hours in, my mom notices that the new chandelier isn’t even assembled. She asks about this, and the repair man explains that “some of the parts weren’t going together,” but he would be able to finish the job with more time.
My mom says it was fine, and leaves him to continue.
30 mins later, she notices the new chandelier is still unassembled. She goes to him again to ask if he has experience putting up the new chandelier and if it would be better to leave the rest of the job to someone else.
She did this because the repair man is charging per hour, and is taking longer than proposed. He assures her he just needs more time.
3 hours into the job, my friend and I arrive home. We sit where the chandelier is being installed by the repair man (around ~15 feet from where he’s working).
My mom again asks the repair man again what progress he’s made, and he again requests more time.
I then decide I want to show my friend a music video of a boy band that I like. We watch the video (with AirPods in), and when my favorite member comes on, I tell my friend “isn’t he so attractive?” to which she responds “no, he looks like a girl.” We continue talking about the outfits and hairstyles we prefer in the video.
The music video finishes, we see the repair man pack up (before the job is done), and make his way to the front door. Before leaving, he explains that he no longer wants to work, claiming that “Your mom is checking up on me every 5 minutes and it’s making me very uncomfortable, not to mention your conversation as well.”
My mom comes to ask where the repair man is, and calls him after we explain. Once the repair man picks up, she explains that she wasn’t trying to make him uncomfortable or pressure him to finish the job quickly, but rather wanted to understand why it was taking longer than anticipated and wanted to align expectations.
She explains that if he comes back and finishes the job, she will still pay him.
He responds that my mom’s check-ups were creating a distracting work environment and that he felt he was “being harassed.” He stated my friend and I’s comments were making him uncomfortable as he “wasn’t trying to hear that.”
My mom clarifies that my friend and I were not making comments at him, but rather at a video. He confirms that he understood this.
He ended up coming back to complete the job, this time with us avoiding him to not distract him. It took 6 hours.
AITJ? I want to understand if I did something wrong as it is never my intention to make someone uncomfortable in my home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and service men that take 3x as long to do a job as what they quoted should understand a homeowner continuing to check on them, particularly if they are charging by the hour instead of by the job.
As he understood that you and your friend’s comments were about a video, clearly nothing you said was a problem. It sounds like he wasn’t up to the task the job involved, and he was trying to cover himself by walking out.” BeautifulPhantom1
10. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out From My Abusive Family?
“I 22f have been wanting to move out of the house for a few years now but my mom 44f has been saying that I am selfish for wanting to move out, saying I’m running away.
So for context, I have never had a good relationship with my mom, it’s been okay at most, she isn’t the best person but she does try as a mother to provide for us. Here’s my problem, while raising my siblings and me (16f, 15m) whenever she’s upset, she tends to call us stupid, she’s even gone as far as to say she would disown us, all because something was not done the way she wanted it done.
I grew up in a household where substances were abused and to this day nothing has been done about it as a result, I was diagnosed at 14 with depression after an attempt that landed me hospital. My dad 47m had abused substances and my mom divorced him, currently, my uncle is doing the same and has been for the past 10 years, my grandparents have tried to get him help but to no avail, and eventually they left him as is.
It’s okay these days but I can’t handle all the harsh remarks that are being thrown at my siblings and me or the constant fights that go on because of my uncle. Being a person that doesn’t enjoy confrontation it’s hard to stand up to someone who doesn’t want to hear my opinions or feelings on anything.
Last week I mentioned wanting to move out and my mom told me that she would not let me move out until Im close to 30, when I asked what if I got married, she told me not to think about it now because I’m too young, which yes I agree, I have no desire to get married now but thought that she wouldn’t let me leave right now irks me.
I feel so guilty for thinking about moving out because she is sick but she’s capable of moving around and doing things for herself. So with that being said AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. If you have the resources, move out straight away.
Your environment sounds positively toxic. What your mother is demanding is not normal at all. For a young woman of 22 years, it is perfectly normal to move out and set up a home for herself.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t a good life for anyone.
I live in an area where there are generations of people 3-4, GENERATIONS, living in substance abuse, verbal abuse, and manipulation without any hope for the future. I am in rural America and I am aware there isn’t a lot of help to get out on your own, but this is escape for you!
You are NOT abandoning anyone. You are freeing yourself. Make some kind of plan. Stick to it and please don’t let yourself be manipulated or guilt-tripped into anything.” Wishiwashome
You're 22. If you have the financial means to do so, mom has no say about whether you leave or not and it sounds like you probably should for your own safety and sanity.
NTJ and don't let her dictate your life anymore. Do what's best for you
9. AITJ For Refusing To Join My In-Laws For Dinner After They Rejected My Cooking Plans?
“I (M 31) was going to go all out with everything for the meal at my house. There is the problem. My husband’s (M 32) parents heard about this and first started suggesting I instead cook at their house, so they can host. Admittedly, they have a larger space for entertaining, but this party would only be for 6, which can more than comfortably fit in my own dining space.
This was the first bit that kinda irked me. As I felt the implication was that my husband’s parents were trying to say our house wasn’t good enough. My husband, of course, defended them. Saying what I mentioned before, that they have more space, and they were simply trying to be nice.
The next issue was with what I planned on making for the meal. I skipped the December holidays last month because I wanted to do something extraordinary for this. I planned to order a couple of pounds of A5 Waygu New York strip from Japan, to do up nicely with various accompaniments and a nice bottle of wine I’d gotten for my birthday back in August that I was scared to open for anything too boring.
To which my husband and his parents both started to pretty insistently shut me down. Saying that my idea was too much. That I should just go get some regular steaks from the supermarket. Which now, offended me, as I was now getting contradictory reasons for not doing this dinner I wanted to do.
Firstly everyone wants to change the venue to my in-laws’ house because our house “isn’t good enough”. Then everyone wanted to change my menu because “it’s too good for them”. If it was one argument or the other, I’d have not been as offended.
But now that this visit from my husband’s family draws near (later this week).
My husband and his parents invited me to a fancy restaurant in town that they’re going to take the family to. This set me off and I kinda rudely said no, giving the above info as context for my answer.
AITJ?”
OP Comments:
“I suppose I should add some additional context.
I am a professional chef. What I’d have made would be equal to and/or better than what they’d get where they’re going. I spent a couple of weeks in November politely declining the in-laws’ persistent offers to cook for them at their house, which also, again, is only a bit bigger, but their house is not any more conveniently located or any “nicer”.
The main argument they had against what I wanted to cook is that they’re a relatively frugal family, and they have a hard time being ok with large purchases like Waygu. They’re now all mad at me because I’m refusing to go out to dinner at a restaurant with them.” aFrumpyUnicorn
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think I’d call you a jerk but this sounds like the family version of the sort of guy who goes uncomfortably over the top to impress a date. I’d be uncomfortable with someone flying food from halfway around the world opening a super-special bottle of wine and skipping holidays to host a family dinner.
Even your husband thinks you’re doing too much! Get nice steaks from the supermarket, get a couple decent bottles of wine from the store, and throw a normal dinner party” Bizzy1717
Another User Comments:
“I was all prepared to say no jerks here until reading the comment OP added. They are a professional chef and the in-laws were pushy in November to get OP to cook something for them in their home but OP declined to do so.
Now they see this as an opportunity to get what they want. They want OP to go to the effort of cooking the menu they want in their home. That’s what is pushing me to say NTJ. If my family member who cooks all day at work is nice enough to make me something nice at a family dinner, I want to do everything I can to make this easier on them – not harder.
And cooking someone else’s menu in a kitchen that isn’t yours is making it harder on the person cooking! I would not refuse to go out to dinner with them. Although their behavior is childish for basically saying “It’s my way or none”, aren’t you saying the same thing if you refuse to go?
And also do you want the long-term drama that’s bound to be the result?” sdbrewst
8. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Ask Her Overstaying Friend To Leave?
“My wife has a friend, we can call her “Berta”. Berta likes to show up unannounced, often in an emergency, and late at night. My wife has been friends with Berta for years and through rougher circumstances.
I’ve seen my wife wake me up and herself up in the middle of the night to go pick up Berta from the airport. We’ve offered Berta a place to stay on our couch in the past.
The problem is Berta never really asks, nor does my wife.
I show up, she is already there, and my wife asks if it’s okay she uses our bathroom to get ready for work but doesn’t ask if it’s okay Berta even stays the night.
Berta has stayed a few nights now. Each day, I wait until evening and I say something and my wife says that the day is included in asking to stay for the night.
Then another night passes.
I come home today, after a stressful day and expect to get some privacy. I go to my bedroom and Berta is sleeping in my bed, with my wife. Talking about their day. I passive-aggressively texted my wife.
Both got upset.
I feel like my boundaries and consent are being violated. I’m tired. I just want to be home at peace. I just want to be gross in peace. I want quiet again in my home so I can grade. I want to watch my shows in peace.
My wife thinks I’m being cruel, that I have too many rules and like she can’t have friends. Only today she left me know Berta is houseless and has nowhere to go. So I guess she is staying longer? My wife says since it’s her house too I can’t say what happens with her guests.
Money is tight for us as is. I support us on my own income. And Berta uses a lot of electricity while I’m at work and eats our food. I’m upset my wife didn’t tell me this before I said yes. I want my wife to have friends, I really do.
But this friend overstayed her welcome. AITJ for asking my wife to make this friend leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Set a date for when Berta needs to leave. (48 hours is a good amount of time.) Be ready to change the locks if needed. If your wife is so concerned with Berta, she is welcome to go crash with her somewhere else.
Are we sure Berta isn’t sleeping with your wife? Why is she in your bed? Who tf does that?” Princess_Poppy_Dega
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is being insanely entitled and rude to you. It’s both your houses. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not a dictatorship.
Guests need to be agreed upon by both. But you need to start using your words and setting boundaries. And you also need to ask yourself whether you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone with so little respect for you.” He_Who_Is_Person
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your house too and your wife isn’t considering your boundaries or your peace. Why is Berta taking priority over you? Why is it your wife’s responsibility to pick up the pieces of her friend every time? And why doesn’t she even consult you when making big decisions like this?
It’s not healthy for either of you or your marriage. That said, you need to openly communicate with your wife and explain your healthy boundaries and not be passive-aggressive. If she can’t respect your healthy and reasonable boundaries, maybe she should stay with her parents for a while and take Berta with her.” Abbie_Dorable
7. AITJ For Cutting Off A Friend Who Constantly Cancels Plans?
“I (17F) have been friends with Malik (17M) for a few months since we both graduated from a military program in June. Ever since we got out, we’d make plans to hang out and 90% of the time he stands me up. Sometimes he’ll be the one making the plans and he refuses to show up without explanation.
For example, he invited me to go to a bookstore walking distance from his house, and I drove to his area, just for him to cancel while I’m already on the way there. And he thinks it’s hilarious when it’s not. We’ve hung out 3 times out of the 10+ plans we’ve made.
It’s annoying but I’ve been looking past it and giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Up until today, we had plans with a couple other friends to hang out on his birthday on the 19th. Me and him came up with the plans for that together, but we also had come up with plans to hang out beforehand.
Maybe 4 days prior we had the idea to link up today with another friend, ZJ. All of a sudden last night at 2 am, he tells me he’s not coming. I asked him why and he just said “cause.”
So I moved on and assumed we all just cancelled so I overslept.
I wake up to a group Facetime call from Malik and another one of our friends jokingly asking why I didn’t invite him. I told him it didn’t matter now anyway cause we cancelled it, but Malik said he’d go if that friend went to.
So I added ZJ to the call and we all discussed a plan together and I started getting ready. Then I get added to another group call, and Malik is in the middle of telling them that he didn’t even plan this and he wasn’t showing up.
At this point I’m fed up so I tell him I’m done making plans with him and I’m not hanging out with him anymore. They asked why I can’t just pop out to his birthday, and I said I’m not doing that either.
They think I’m wrong for that, but in my eyes I don’t wanna be friends with someone who constantly plays with my time. Did I go too far? I do have anger problems and see how I could’ve overreacted, but this is like the hundredth time he’s shown this behavior.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as long as you’re doing it because “I’m done being friends with Malik because his lack of consistency doesn’t work for me.” and not “I want to punish Mailk for his inconsistency.” It’s more likely the former, but you say you have anger issues–if you want to have an angry conversation with Malik to tell him why you’re doing this it may be the latter.” BorderAdventurous284
6. AITJ For Telling My Friend My Personal Life Was None Of His Business?
“It started when my friend asked how things were going with my partner. When I told him we broke up after he came out (we’re still friends) my friend started asking how I didn’t know he was gay, how could he be gay if he was seeing me, am I sure he’s actually gay and not just lying, that sorta stuff.
I explained that he was in the closet for personal reasons but that he’s finally comfortable to be himself. My friend then proceeded to ask more private questions about what our bedroom life was like and if there were any signs in that department. My exact response to him was:
“I’m sorry but I’m not really comfortable discussing that stuff. It has nothing to do with you I just don’t talk about that stuff with anyone.”
My friend seemed totally fine with that answer but then he kept asking the question over and over again every couple weeks, each time I would just repeat what I said, that I was sorry but I’m not comfortable with that topic.
This went on for 3 months until it escalated to the point that he started asking me what my body count was and what types of things I’ve done to which I got frustrated and responded:
“I’m sorry but I told you I’m not comfortable discussing this stuff and frankly it’s none of your business.
It’s none of anyone’s business. I’ve tried telling you as nicely and gently as I can but you aren’t listening. This topic is no one’s business, please stop asking.”
He apologized and for a while things were normal until recently when he started getting angry at me for taking longer than 2 minutes to respond to messages (unfortunately I’m not exaggerating) and absolutely furious when I don’t message him while I’m at work which was never an issue before.
When I asked him about this sudden change he said it was because I made him feel like a creep and that I disrespect him when I said it wasn’t his business. I tried talking to my sisters about it but that just made things more confusing.
One says I shouldn’t feel bad since my friend wasn’t respecting my boundaries but my other sister says I overreacted to something “all guys do”. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sounds more like he is a bit too interested and may be that one friend that just wants to get in your pants.
I suggest telling him you are not his partner or his wife so he needs to either calm down and stop getting angry over little things or he can walk and don’t look back.” AlchemyAngel85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set fair but firm boundaries, and he kept pushing them.
It’s not something all guys do, at least not guys who anyone wants to continue talking to. If he felt disrespected by boundaries being set, that’s his problem, not yours. And also anyone who thinks taking longer than two minutes to respond to a message is out of their minds.
I don’t generally like to default to the Reddit standard response of “lose him” but honestly if he doesn’t respect boundaries and gets mad because you don’t spend all hours of the day responding to him, that’s not someone I’d want around.” JNF919
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t make him feel like a creep. He did it himself by asking you private questions when you shut the conversation down multiple times before. Also your other sister should probably reconsider the company she keeps if she considers someone crossing the boundaries and asking about private stuff constantly normal “guys” behavior.
S****l things should be discussed only if both sides are comfortable with. You weren’t comfortable with that and he kept asking about it. He’s the creep. NTJ.” DivineJerziboss
5. AITJ For Suggesting My DIL Relax Her 'Firsts' Rule When I Babysit My Grandson?
“I’m looking for a second opinion. I have always been close with my son and daughter-in-law and think we have a really good relationship.
They live just a mile down the road so we are together quite a bit. Babysitting has started to cause some friction though and I want to make sure that I’m being reasonable.
My son and DIL have a 3-year-old little boy who is as sweet as can be.
My son works M-F and my DIL is a SAHM. I babysit my grandson 2 days during the week so my DIL can have a break and typically one evening/night on weekends for them to have a date night.
My DIL has this rule that she wants to be there for any “firsts” that my grandson does.
I get that though her definition of “first” is very broad. Not just like first trip to the zoo, but first time at a new park, first time seeing a new TV show, first time playing with a toy etc. I personally think the restrictions are a tad over the top, but her kid her rules and I have no problem respecting that.
The issue happens in that she doesn’t do any of these firsts. I’m really not sure what they do all day when they are home but everything I ask to take my grandson to do she says is a first, that she wants to be there for, but then she doesn’t do it.
It’s made it so babysitting is a lot of just sitting at my house with nothing to do and my grandson is bored.
So the other day I told her that I think it would be a good idea for her to relax the first rule a bit so that I can take my grandson to do some things while I am babysitting.
She did not like that and said that I was trying to take memories and special moments away from her. I’m not trying to overstep but a bored three-year-old with no way to burn off energy is a lot to handle and so I told her I don’t know if I could babysit as frequently with the rules how they are.
She accused me of blackmailing her.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At this point, play coy. Take him to the park you had planned to take him to. When she protests afterwards tell her that you thought she said she’d taken him to that park.
If it is a BIG first, obviously leave it for her, but take him to library story time, to all the free events in town and surrounding towns, to little gym or a church playgroup or the new park… When she protests, which she will, play the “Oh my goodness!
You said you had taken him. Well, what’s done is done… the library is now on our weekly rotation.”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s already getting a free babysitter that many would love to have, even if it’s only for a few nights a week.
I personally think her restrictions are a little over the top, but ultimately those are her rules. I would just give her the ultimatum that she needs to do a few of these “firsts” before you babysit again or you won’t be babysitting for her.
Or alternatively, maybe offer to do some firsts with her. It’s also not blackmail because you don’t gain anything from it.” SillyExcitement3973
Another User Comments:
“I agree that you’re NTJ. But here’s a suggestion. Give DIL a schedule of your plans for the next several weeks, and tell her if she’d like to take her son there first, she has until specified date to do that.
Then always keep operating a few weeks ahead until she gets the idea or until you’ve cycled through the places you’d like to take him. Is this stupid and over the top? Of course. But so are her demands and this is one way of dealing with it without creating a lot of extra drama.” JustUgh2323
4. AITJ For Arguing With A Neighbor About My Dog Walking On Public Grass?
“I (m29) was over at my sister’s place and decided to walk my puppy.
I probably was already walking for like 30 min and she had already gone to the bathroom. As I was making my way back she was sniffing around the grass, I hear a whisper of voice but paid no mind and I then hear a bit louder and I hear, “this is private property keep her off.” I say what and he repeats himself and I look around and tell him this is public property and I then point to his lawn and say that is private and I will definitely keep her off.
To clarify the part he was pointing to was the grass close to the street. So it’s his house, his lawn, the sidewalk and then the parkway(the patch of grass between the sidewalk and street).
He then tells me I don’t want your dog on my grass and then I lose my cool and tell him, “I don’t care this is not your grass.
If she goes to the bathroom I will pick it up(like I always do) but I don’t care.” He then points to a tiny sign that says private property keep dogs off. I then go off again and say, “I don’t care, that sign is clearly not a law(it was clearly a custom-made sign).
we were just passing by and she already went to the bathroom. You’re making this a bigger issue”. He then threatened to call the cops which I said go ahead it will be a waste of time for everyone involved. He kept arguing with me and I kept responding back till I said whatever and kept walking.
It turns out my sisters have also had a similar interaction with him when they were walking their dog about a year ago. But they aren’t going to be as confrontational as me and now just avoid that side.
I definitely lost my cool and regret getting so heated, but imo this is an interaction that should not have happened. I would have kept walking and my pup would have just sniffed a bit and kept it moving.
If she had gone to the bathroom I would have picked it up. Simple”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Having your dog walk on/possibly potty on grass that isn’t on your lawn is not ideal. It should be a whoopsie-daisy that you quickly pick up.
There are legit some jerks that take their dogs on walks just so that they do their business on other people’s grass (I hope you’re not one of them). Whether or not you pick it up (also, pee cannot be picked up) it’s still kinda yucky.
You don’t know if neighborhood kids might play in the grass–I, for one, would hate to play in grass with residual poop in it. Dogs can’t help it, and it can and does happen, but having your dog go on someone’s grass isn’t ideal. Also, forget the whole “public property” thing.
Does the neighbor maintain that lawn area? If so, just respect that and move on. Like, is the parking strip between the sidewalk and road technically public? Yes. But you would be a jerk for not respecting the wishes of the person who maintains it (within reason).
This could have ended by simply moving on.” Dri_iz_me
Another User Comments:
“Did anyone saying YTJ or ESH actually read the post? His dog wasn’t even in someone’s yard. It was just near a yard. His dog wasn’t even going potty at this point.
Do you really harass people walking their dogs on a public sidewalk outside of your homes? When the dog hasn’t even taken a pee there? Someone even said, “why’d you confront him? You could have moved on.” OP was the one confronted. What he did is respond.
NTJ. Happy to see that some of us still have spines.” Hannhfknfalcon
Another User Comments:
“ESH. More him than you, but there are always going to be people like that. We have wide parkways in my neighborhood and some people treat them as if it’s their private property with little signs about keeping dogs off.
It’s not worth engaging with them–you can move your puppy along since he doesn’t care which grass he’s sniffing. Technically you’re correct about what you’re allowed to do, but confronting him when there’s no need to makes you almost as much of a jerk as him.
Add to the kindness in the world, not the jerks.” T_G_A_H
3. AITJ For Declining My Boyfriend's Family's Invitation Because They Don't Like Me?
“I really don’t see the problem here but my partner is perturbed so I’m trying to see if I’m losing it.
My partner Dan and I have been together for about a year. We live in a big city while Dan is from the country so he doesn’t see his family that often. However, I have met them several times, and they don’t like me.
That’s fine, I’m not overly keen on them either. We just have nothing in common. I can see them cringing when I talk and they make snide comments about me wanting to stay in a hotel if I visit with Dan, etc.. I want to be clear, I don’t have any problem with this.
We are all civil and can have a pleasant time over a weekend or whatever, and it really is fine that I’m not their ideal in law, they’re not mine either. But the facts are the facts.
So the other night Dan and I were having dinner with a friend of mine, and Dan mentioned his sister wanted my number so that she could invite me to a girl’s weekend with her, Dan’s mother, and Dan’s SIL.
I said he could give her my number but I’m not going to go on the trip, but I would like to be polite and tell her myself and thank her for the invitation. My friend asked why I wouldn’t go and I said because Dan’s family doesn’t like me and I’m not going to ruin their weekend and mine by going on the trip.
Dan balked at this and asked why I would say something like that. I said because it’s true. Dan didn’t deny this, just said that was a crass thing to say and they invited me so I should go. I said absolutely not.
Dan dropped the idea of me going (still thinks I should but knows he won’t win that battle) but is still saying that I shouldn’t have been so blunt in saying they don’t like me, that it was an inappropriate thing to say and paints them in a bad light.
I don’t think it does at all. It’s not a crime to not like people, and you don’t choose your in laws, what are the odds you actually like them? We’re all civil and that’s what counts.
Dan is still upset about it, and I don’t really see why he’s so offended.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People always want honesty when it’s what they want to hear. It seems as if your partner and his family both like keeping up appearances. He knows that they don’t like you but doesn’t want it said out loud?!?
That’s silly. This was a to be polite invite. And if they make faces and snide remarks when you talk, I can’t imagine an entire weekend on my own with them. Ugh!!” Ariesinnc3017
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Going on a trip with them would be like entering a nest of vipers.
(Why is everyone telling her to give them a chance? Why does a woman have to give anyone she doesn’t like a chance? Especially if she knows they don’t like her? It feels like she should just bear the emotional burden and put up with them.
No, just no).” Ysonesse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being honest with Dan. But it could be that Dan’s sister is thinking about this girls trip as a way to bond with you. If Dan’s told them he sees you as his future wife, they may genuinely want to get to know you better and try to find areas in common.
And if you see Dan as a future husband, it could be a good idea to meet them halfway. (Literally.)” Enough-Process9773
2. AITJ For Expecting My Fiancé's Daughter To Sleep In Her Own Room?
“My fiancé (M/29) and I (F/31) just started living together 6 months ago after finding out I’m pregnant. He has a daughter (5yo) and I have a son (3yo) both of which were only children before this. Both his daughter and my son are used to sleeping in bed with us when we were single as we both lived in one-bedroom apartments.
Both kids now have their own room in our new home. I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant and expected to give birth early. My son has had no issue sleeping in his own room throughout the night with the exception of getting up and asking to use the bathroom but will go back to sleep in his own bed. His daughter however will not stay in her own room unless he sleeps in her room with her.
After getting her to sleep he will typically get up and come in our room to sleep or sit up with me as our quality time is few and far between. His daughter will get up multiple times a night if he doesn’t stay in her room.
It’s hard for me to sleep as is being this far along, but she will come in our room 2-3 times a night and eventually he will let her lay in bed with us. When this happens she still will not go to sleep.
It’s bad enough already to not have room in my own bed; but she will toss and turn, pull blankets, whisper “dada” multiple times (she does have speech and learning issues) get up and explore the house, and return to our room instead of her own.
It’s gotten to the point that my fiancé may sleep next to me one night out of two weeks. I know that with a newborn and with breastfeeding as I plan to do, sleep is fleeting. I also know that if his daughter continues to do what she has been at night time that none of us the newborn included will be getting any rest whatsoever.
When I mentioned this to him I hardly get a response other than “well it’s bound to happen” or just simply getting the cold shoulder. Am I the jerk for expecting a better nighttime routine and for her to sleep in her own bed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your fiancé isn’t really making an effort imo. Sleep is very important to pregnant and nursing moms. I think people just try to do these transitions on their own but there is expert help on how to transition to meet everyone’s needs and deal with any separation anxiety.” RLS2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ BUT WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT? Look up sleep training. And once you start it you need to see it through even if it goes on all night so can I suggest a non work night. It may go on for a few nights.
You say in your comments she does sleep in her own room at her mother’s so this is a you and your fiance issue not a her issue. It doesn’t need lots of explaining it just needs putting in place and sticking to.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – this is a tough one. She does need to sleep in her own room but at the same time I wouldn’t want her to feel like she’s losing her daddy to the new baby. Maybe if she sleeps in her own room for the night she can get a treat and daddy/daughter dates?” bluefolder7776
1. AITJ For Not Defending My Friend At Work After She Messed Up?
“I (20F) have been friends with M (19F) for a year now, we were friends before I met my partner, she introduced me to him and well, we’ve been together for about 7 months now.
We work in food service, and both of us are servers. I like to say we are decent servers, however since I’ve known M, she’s been well known to have a reputation of being sensitive which can be a bad thing.
Those who work in food service know that sometimes we get bad guests or we have bad days and we try to help one another out, but with M, she recently started picking up a habit where will forgetting to run her food to tables leaving other servers to run it which as a result, have made people look at M differently.
Yesterday, we had a shift together and one table was getting upset that their food was taking longer than usual. M had forgotten about the food and after getting reminded, quickly picked up the plate without a tray, and dropped the hot plate on the guests.
The table was upset and got on M badly.
M started crying at work and I attempted to help her but it was a busy night so I wasn’t able to comfort her until after our shifts ended. M was upset about how no one came to defend her from the guest, especially me as she found me as her closest friend.
She was saying how she overheard how our other coworkers were speaking about her and was upset that I didn’t stop them.
I attempted to calm her down and tried explaining to her that “when we’re at work, I can’t defend you as a friend sometimes, when we’re outside, that’s a different story but when we’re at work, we have to keep a professional coworker relationship first before anything else.”
This got her so upset that she texted my partner that she no longer approves of us together and she said that she wants nothing to do with me. My partner attempted to calm her but she’s made her mind on how what I said to her was wrong.
I don’t want to ruin my friendship with her because I do care about her but I do think I had a point
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but she’s not ready to work with customers. Especially when she can’t own her own mistakes, AND expects people to defend her mistakes.” The_Bad_Agent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are entirely correct. It’s kind of you to account for M’s behavior as “sensitivity” but it sounds more like she is cynically emoting to try to escape responsibility and accountability for awful performance at her job. And it’s fine if the two of you have disagreements – even serious ones, but it’s pretty callous for her to attempt to weaponize her relationship with her brother to try to force you into line.
I recognize that you don’t want to ruin your friendship with her, but in the situations you are describing, she’s just awful – you can still care about her, but also consider that you have to protect yourself from her narcissism and manipulation.” Proof_Option1386
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She’s human and makes mistakes but you’re servers, it’s not like you’re defending national secrets. Saying you’re servers first is just cold and makes it seem like you take your job way too seriously.” W***********0
