People Want Us To Be Vocal With Our Thoughts Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Telling My Brother That His Toxic Ex Was Trying To Reach Out To Him Before His Wedding?
“My brother started going out with ‘Big Shirl’ when he was in 6th grade. He’s 25 now to show how long this has been going on. To say that he and Big Shirl were toxic together is an understatement.
We have they have well over a decade of torturing out of each other. To say they have broken up and gotten back together well over 1000 times is another understatement.
My entire family would go through the roller coaster ride with him and we’d always see him date a really nice girl, then Big Shirl would get in touch with promises of a fun time and he’d dump the nice girl, and be right back into the Big Shirl’s arms.
It has been about 2 years since their last breakup and he met a girl named Karli who is literally a peach. We all love everything about her. My brother finally went no contact with Big Shirl at the time he met Karli and has had 2 years of relationship bliss.
They got married on Saturday. My brother says he blocked Big Shirl on everything and I am inclined to believe him since it’s been 2 years since her stench has darkened our doors.
We had a very low-key bachelor party on Friday in which we played poker and smoked. At about 11:30 Big Shirl texted me and asked if the wedding was really taking place.
I said yes and to not bother him. She said to please let him know her heart was breaking but she’d be his personal bachelor party if he was so inclined.
I didn’t say anything to my brother that night but on the way from the ceremony to the reception, I made a joke about Big Shirl contacting me and you could see the b***d drain from his face.
All he said was ‘thanks.’
Well, later in the evening Karli caught my brother in the kitchen of the reception place on the phone with Big Shirl. They had a huge fight and while they tried to put on a good face for the rest of the reception… it was cold as ice for the rest of the night.
My brother came over now and said that I ‘ruined his life’ by telling me that Big Shirl had gotten in touch with me. I guess he and Karli have been fighting non-stop since Saturday, and there is talk of canceling the honeymoon.
My brother totally blames me and says I should have known better.
Was I the jerk for telling him that Big Shirl was trying to get in touch with him?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What you did was the equivalent of handing someone a glass of beer after they’ve fought drinking addiction for a decade and were doing everything they could to stay sober for two years.
He was blocking her on everything. You knew that. It was your job as someone who loved him to block her attempts to reach him as well. Instead you. You who claim to dislike her. You who blame your brother for not being able to just break up with her.
You let her back into his life. This is your fault. And we can only wonder how many other times you’ve tanked his attempts to stay away from her and then acted innocent. You. Suck.” Office_Desk906
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But I guess I don’t understand what logic you were following by deciding to tell him on his wedding day.
I mean, you know their toxic history and that your brother apparently has zero self-control when it comes to his ex. You said you really liked Karli and were glad ex is out of your brother’s life. Your brother blocked her so she could only reach out to him through you, and you decided his wedding day was a good day to bring it up?
Your brother is to blame here of course. The dude has zero impulse control with anything Big Shirl-related. He honestly sounds like he needs help letting her go. But you must have known bringing his ex up would not end well – even if he didn’t end up calling her – but you did it anyway on his wedding day.” AlannaAdvice
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, let’s give your brother the benefit of the doubt that he is actively trying to get over his ex and moving on with his life, recognizing that the relationship in any form is bad for him. Just because he hasn’t fully gotten over his addiction and problem doesn’t mean he doesn’t get to move on and pursue happiness.
This is like if he was a recovering substance addict and he’s taken steps to avoid any triggers but you stepped in during his wedding and tossed him some ‘good stuff’, just in case he’d like to know there was some around. Yeah, it sucks he relapsed but to be compromised by your own family in such a direct way on your wedding no less?
You must really hate your brother.” esp-eclipse
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but moreso your brother.
You made a joking reference about his ridiculously toxic ex in the middle of his wedding day. That’s just not a super nice joke to make in that circumstance.
Not relationship destroying, just a big garden variety jerkish.
Your brother super duper sucks though. Poor Karli. If he’s still so hung up on Big Shirl (also, fantastic name there, top marks) that a single mention of her has him calling her AT THEIR WEDDING RECEPTION then he was never ready to commit to her at all, much less in marriage.
This was a cruel, cruel thing he’s done to Karli.
Blaming you for it is stupid. You made one sort of not-cool joke. Hdecisioning to call her (again AT THE WEDDING) is 100% on him. He shouldn’t have even had her number. You did not ruin his life.
He wasted 2 years of Karli’s though. I’m so furious for her I hope she can get an annulment.” Needmoresnakes
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Niece And Nephew Anymore?
“I am 17, I’m a senior in high school, and have a job. My sister had twins last year, we were all excited for her and her husband. When the babies were born they asked if I could stay with them for a ‘few’ weeks to help them settle in, I had no problem doing this as I was excited to spend time with the babies, and it gave me a chance my sister and her husband to get used to having kids.
I figured being married for years and all of a sudden 2 babies coming is a BIG change. (they had been married for 9 years without kids)
Those ‘few’ weeks ended up turning into approximately 3 months, again I didn’t mind because I bonded a lot with my nephew and niece.
When they turned 6 months, my sister had to go back to work so she asked if I could help her babysit them, I wasn’t doing anything important at the time, so I said yes. (I was babysitting Monday-Friday 10 am-6 pm.) I kept to this schedule for about 1yr 4m and never really complained about being there 24/7.
This is where my being a senior and having a job comes in. Where I work I don’t have a set schedule so it’s inconsistent with the hours, and I go to school for only a few hours a day, my school is really flexible.
I also fell behind last year in 2 of my classes because of my having to babysit.
A few weeks ago I sat down with my sister and told her that I couldn’t babysit like I was able to before, she got upset with me because she said she really needed me to babysit because nannies and daycare were WAYYY too expensive for them.
We came to an agreement that I would only go 3 days a week instead of 5, fast forward to 3 days ago I told my sister that I could only go twice a week instead of three. This led to a heated discussion between us two, she said some rude things to me about being inconsiderate, being selfish and other things along those lines.
What she said made me feel bad. My mom and a few siblings keep telling me to stand my ground, the other half of my siblings sided with my sister and are telling me to just help her out for as long as she needs.
I am genuinely conflicted and confused about what I should do because I feel bad but I’m also tired of babysitting and just want to be able to enjoy my senior year. AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen to your mother. YOU didn’t have kids.
YOU are trying to finish high school and get a better job (and maybe get more education?). You are not your sister’s servant or unpaid nanny. Value yourself more than this! Look up what full-time nannies make, and see how much you’ve been used.
Don’t go ANY day of the week until she acknowledges that she’s been using you and pays you for your time IF there is an emergency or daycare is closed or something.
At your age, you need to be building your own future. Not enabling your sister.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your future is being put at risk for something your sister had 9 years to plan for. Focus on your studies and work to support yourself.
Tell your sister that she is taking advantage of your goodwill and your young age.
She needs to sit with her husband and sort it out moving forward.
Tell your sister that if she decides to hold a grudge and makes you feel bad after ALL the help you have provided, then she will show her true colors and that you are happy to have seen this about her now so you can surround yourself with people that appreciate you.
Then get on with your life and do what’s in your best interest.” Panasonic711
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s getting, what I assume, is free childcare from a teenager. Full-time childcare. That’s her taking advantage of you. Even if she is paying you, from how she reacted, I’d bet it’s not anywhere near what she should be.
You’re in your senior year and you need to be preparing for college. If she couldn’t financially afford daycare for her kids then she shouldn’t have chanced to get pregnant. If your parents are backing you up, then that’s great.
She needs to understand that she has 2 choices: pay you the equivalent of a professional babysitter so you can quit your other job and let you go to school for however long you need to go or you can move back to your parents or wherever you live and go back to doing what you did before and she can have a complete stranger watch the kids.
I’d give her 2 weeks’ notice, on paper and make her sign it so she can’t tell people you left her suddenly – and make sure you have on there that you can’t babysit full time because you have to go to school and work and she’s not paying you or willing to let you cut back – and then leave.
There’s always the chance she’ll be mean and not let you see the kids anymore but hopefully, your parents will step in.
Actually, get your parents to step in. See if she’s got the nerve to say that stuff to them about you.” Kooky-Hotel-5632
17. AITJ For Using My Friend's Deceased Ex To Get Back At Him?
“When we were both in high school my best friend lost his significant other passed away.
Understandably, he was scarred, but he never healed from it, and of course, whenever he needed to talk about it or was just sad about it, I would be there for him, as a shoulder to cry on, or as someone to talk to.
I also have a dog.
I have had this dog since I was three years old, so she has been a part of my family for as long as I can remember. She is of course, very old, but she also has cancer and is blind and deaf, essentially a walking corpse at this point.
My mom came in to tell me to say my goodbyes to her because she likely wasn’t going to make it through the week. Of course, being sad, I thought it to be a good idea to reach out to my friend, as he had done so many times to me.
Instead of being there for me, he decided that it was a good idea to have a debate about whether or not I should put my dog down and how she should’ve passed away a long time ago. Obviously, I wasn’t in the mood for this, and, as politely as I could, told him I didn’t want to debate him on this, and that I was just sad and wanted someone to be there for me.
To which he continued to dig into it. At this point, I was mad, as he began to start making jokes about me being cruel to animals, to which I blurted out that he was a jerk and that I was hurting at the moment, and his jokes were making it worse.
He CONTINUED.
I then said, ‘I will remember this the next time you reach out to me about your deceased ex, you jerk.’ Obviously not the right thing to say. He was, at this point furious at me, stating that I was never his friend, that none of my friends liked me, and how he hopes my dog dies violently and painfully and such.
I eventually apologized for bringing his deceased ex into the conversation, but he has yet to apologize for anything he has said to me, and likely won’t. I understand where he is coming from, but I was so shocked that I had been there for him so many times about serious issues, but the moment I want someone to be there for me, he tried his best to make things worse.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you shouldn’t have apologized because what you said was less wrong than what he said. Also, he let his true colors out after. If you’ve been friends for so long and helped him with his deceased ex he should be there for you but instead, he makes jokes.
Sorry to say but that is not a friend. You still sound young so you will find other real friends. Let me tell you, that sometimes having no friends (which you choose) is better than having toxic friends like that. I’ve known people before that treated pets like they are exchangeable.
I’ve lost my cat after 17 years and it hurts. You don’t deserve a trash friend like that. Take care of yourself because that ‘friend’ obviously won’t.” Mundane_Sunday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ditch this fake friend who has been using you as a therapist this whole time.
He’s shown his true colors, and he’s a complete jerk. He not only wasn’t there for you emotionally but he continued to overstep your boundaries and continued to one-up his cruel statements. When you rightly got mad and called him out he then one-upped on saying more nasty stuff to you… this is the type of guy who will turn into an awful person in relationships.
All the red flags are already there. Please discontinue your ‘friendship’ and don’t listen to any of his excuses if he does come crawling back.
It’s never an easy decision to put down a pet even if they are old and sick. It’s also not your call since you’re a minor, I’m assuming that falls to your parents.
I’m sorry about your dog, I grieved my childhood dog for so long, don’t let this jerk make you feel bad for wanting some comfort from your loss.” 9669throwaway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, hun, you don’t understand where he is coming from because he is not coming from anywhere but malice.
Nothing he said to you was okay, and you only notified him that if he can’t put his jerkery away for you, you will no longer be able to support him. His attack after that is inexcusable and shows he is not your friend.
He’s taken advantage of your empathy and you do not deserve that kind of toxicity in your life.
You should not have apologized, because there was nothing to apologize for. You didn’t say anything hurtful to him, you just pointed out how you were there for him and in his handling of your trauma has lost the privilege to further use your support on the topic of his late ex.
You will find and make better friends. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. The slow death of a beloved pet is hard for anyone to witness. And I’m sorry you had to find out your friend is not a friend in a situation like this.” Niasi180
16. AITJ For Turning Down A Christmas Invitation?
“My spouse (28F) and I (32M) have been invited to Christmas here in Denmark at my cousin’s house which we’ve done a lot of times before – without children though. We celebrate Christmas on the evening of the 24th of December.
Our oldest child is 3 years old, and for him, it’ll be a big day and he very much looks forward to it already. That being said, he’s stopped taking naps so his bedtime is around 6-6.30 pm, and if he’s up longer than that he will be a nightmare, running around screaming because of overtiredness.
Because he’s a foster child, he has some baggage from his biological parents.
So I asked my cousin if it would be possible to move the start of the Christmas celebration to 3 pm instead of 5 pm so the kids could unwrap their presents and after that, it would be ‘normal’ traditions with food, presents, etc. My cousin politely declined, and because of that, we turned down the invitation.
Instead, we will spend Christmas with the in-laws.
Now, both of my brothers and dad are single and my brothers don’t have any children. They already expressed their disappointment in us, and now I’m in doubt about whether we did a terrible thing or not.
I think Christmas is for the kids and that’s why we made the decision.
But AITJ for declining the invitation?”
Another User Comments:
“Not at all. You have a whole new family and now is when you give those children a feeling of stability, security, and acceptance – have a Christmas worked around them, not one where either you, they, or other people have to compromise to accommodate them.
I’m sure there will be opportunities over the Christmas and New year period where your children can spend time enjoying being part of your extended family without any fuss being necessary. NTJ at all.” ccl-now
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Part of having kids means rearranging your life and habits around their needs.
While they are developing mental and emotional controls, you have to provide the stability for them.
It’s ok to tell your family you love them and that you’ll miss them. And then not show up for a few years. They can argue and be mad all they want.
But you don’t have to engage or defend. Just inform them of the course you’re taking, and let them know that you’re ok if they continue along their regular way without you. People get scared when somebody breaks tradition. But traditions aren’t rules.
They’re well-worn paths, but not the only path.” kevwelch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Christmas is a family holiday. When there are children around things have to change to accommodate all the family. I’m staunchly child-free but I happily have late lunch/early dinner for Christmas instead of just dinner so the whole family can be involved and I’d get to see the kids losing their minds opening presents.
You know what happens then? The kids tire themselves out and they fall asleep and the adults hang out doing the adult traditions.
Your cousin couldn’t change the plans. That’s fine. I’m sure there’s tradition or logistics or something. You made alternative arrangements. Your extended family (and you) can feel sad that you aren’t going to spend Christmas Eve together.
But they can’t/shouldn’t make you feel guilty for making sure your child has the best Christmas with the least interruption to habits.” Natural_Garbage7674
15. AITJ For Being Mad At My Sister For Drinking When She's Supposed To Babysit?
“I (f34) got married last month to my husband (m35).
We had our honeymoon booked four days after our wedding, and it was for two weeks.
We have a son (m9) and my younger sister (f31) agreed ahead of time to babysit him during the two weeks.
My sister and I have a relationship where we do each other favors, but I was going to give her some money for the babysitting anyway.
When I went to go drop my son off at her house, my sister answered the door and she was as wasted as a skunk and it was only 6 pm.
There was no way I could leave my son in her care. I was so irritated because she knew I was going to drop him off at that time and had agreed to babysit. I told my sister to go lie down and she fell asleep after a few minutes then we left.
I told my son that auntie was a bit sick and needed some time to herself.
Luckily, my dad agreed to babysit him on such short notice and my son had a great time with his grandpa.
When we got back from the honeymoon, my sister was acting really odd around me.
She asked me in private if I was mad at her. I said I was mad, and that I think she was being a careless jerk for what she did. My sister called me entitled, and said that she doesn’t owe me babysitting, and told me to hire a professional next time.
She said she was an adult and can do what she wants. I told her I don’t care and said that she shouldn’t agree to things and then bail out by getting hammered.
My sister started yelling at me and said that I can’t tell her what to do, and accused me of treating her like a child.
I think my sister is acting like a stroppy teenager and needs to get her act together, but the rest of my family think I was being too hard on her and should be grateful she even agreed to babysit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even though it’s a favor that your sister is doing, you two had an agreement and she should have honored that.
She could have gotten wasted on some other day but it’s irresponsible for her to do that on the evening you’re going to ask her to babysit your son. Fortunately, your father pulled through. If you are going to continually ask your sister for favors, I’d not harp on her but try to be more understanding.
Meanwhile, find an alternative so you don’t have to burden your sister more than you need to. Plus, your son is growing up – he won’t need a babysitter so much soon. Good luck!” Philosophy_1017
Another User Comments:
“Yeah NTJ
Putting aside the ‘we do favors like this all the time’ and ‘you were going to pay her’ she was acting ‘off’ around you.
Asked if you were mad at her then lashed out when you (justifiably) said you were mad at her for being wasted when she agreed to watch your son.
You would be the jerk if you bullied her into babysitting and wouldn’t listen to her say she couldn’t do it for whatever reason otherwise there’s no reason for her to act the way she did.” ConfusionPossible590
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She agreed to watch your son and you were going to pay her as well. If she had changed her mind then she should have been an adult and said something so that you could make other plans. As for doing favors she obviously doesn’t need them from you anymore.
Your mom is wrong by the way, Your family is wrong, you can’t be grateful for services not rendered but you can be upset about it.” TypicalAd3575
14. AITJ For Not Giving My Friend A Wedding Present?
“My (28M) friend Sam (28F) was due to get married in 2020. She had a registry so as soon as she sent it out, I purchased a really nice, expensive tea set.
She received it long before the wedding and thanked me.
As we all know, the global crisis ruined a lot of wedding plans in 2020. Sam went ahead with her wedding but at an incredibly reduced capacity. All her friends and a lot of her family were understandably uninvited. She had an incredibly intimate ceremony, no reception, and no honeymoon.
But she was happy to tie the knot sooner rather than later. We were all thrilled for her.
Two years later, Sam and her husband decided to renew their vows in front of everyone and finally throw the reception they had originally planned. I attended and we all had a fantastic night.
I was thrilled for her and she seemed to have a great time.
But one week later, I get a lengthy message from Sam about how upset and disappointed she was that I didn’t get her a wedding gift. Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind to get her another one.
I guess since she was renewing her vows, she thought it should be treated like a whole new wedding. But because I didn’t attend the first one, in my mind they had one wedding.
I reminded her that I did buy a gift from their registry before the initial wedding, but she insists that it is etiquette to buy a present for renewals because they are just as important as first weddings.
I don’t deny they’re important but what if someone wants to renew their vows every couple of years? I don’t see why I should have to keep buying gifts.
I was always taught that you purchase a gift that costs more than your meal does since brides and grooms pay a lot to feed their guests.
If they had a reception at the first wedding, then I might have gotten them a gift to compensate for my meal at the renewal. I called Sam up to better explain myself and tried to explain this concept I was brought up with. To lighten the mood, I jokingly said something to the effect of ‘I only got one meal, so you only got one present’.
Big mistake. Sam absolutely blew up at me and hung up soon after.
Now she is telling our friends that I’m a selfish pig who doesn’t respect her marriage. That I only came to the wedding for a free meal (the hotel stay and cab fare cost me way more than the meal, so that doesn’t even make sense!) My friends aren’t taking sides but some of them said they did buy her another wedding present for the renewal (not sure if these presents were from the registry).
But surely I’m not the only one who thought one wedding gift was enough? I’m hoping lots of other guests had the same mindset as me. Or else I’m missing some really obvious rules about wedding gifts? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend doesn’t have the first clue about etiquette (which is really only a set of completely made-up, arbitrary rules… but she brought it up.)
Strictly speaking, it’s considered rude for her to even MENTION presents, as a present is never an obligation. It’s doubly rude for her to call you and question you about not sending a SECOND wedding present. It’s triple-dog rude for her to berate you to other people.
She’s rude, entitled, and manifestly ungrateful.
Wedding presents used to be about giving a new couple a good start on building a household. Now, it’s often just an entitled, money-grabbing greed-fest.
You are in the right here, and your friend has behaved horribly.” havartna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your ‘friend’ was greedy and entitled. Also, assuming that you are in the US or UK, the idea of having to ’cover your plate’ is a myth.
Couples hold the event they can afford. A gift is usual but not required, and it should be something which is in your budget, regardless of what they may choose to spend on their wedding)
Added to this, your friend’s actions in seeking to criticize you for the gift you gave are incredibly rude and super tacky. A gift is NEVER required, and commenting negatively on what someone did or didn’t give us is ALWAYS rude.
It’s no obligation to give gifts at a vow renewal (heck, it’s not obligatory at the wedding) and in any event, it sounds as though this was more of a belated party/reception because they couldn’t have one at the time.
You gave a gift, you spent time and money to attend to support her, unfortunately, it seems this wasn’t about support for her marriage or celebrating with people who care about her and her spouse, it looks like it was a gift-grab and she’s mad that she didn’t take in as much as she expected.
Your ‘friend’ has a lot to learn about appropriate behavior. And her suggestion that somehow not giving a second gift means you don’t respect her marriage is utterly ludicrous.” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are never required to give a gift, it is a polite thing to do, but not a requirement.
It is unspeakably rude to mention it if a gift is not given. If your friend had given a large gift to your wedding and you gave nothing, then she might have been justified in distancing herself. But again, you do not tell people about the lack of gifts.
A vow renewal done on a major anniversary (25, 30, 40, or 50) would probably get gifts because of a major anniversary, but again gifts are never required. But vow renewals themselves, done within 2 years, your friend should have been doing everything to signal no gifts needed, expected, or wanted. Possibly including a note about how lovely and understanding everyone was with the change in plans 2 years ago.
It is incredibly important to note that requiring gifts, especially gifts at the value of the plate means you cannot invite members of your circle of lower income to you. Would your friend shun people of lower income or expect them to go without food for a week?
Important question: did you get a thank you note from the couple 2 years ago?
Your friend is very rude, and I don’t expect her to improve unless someone can properly give her a serious lecture on etiquette. Your joke should have been a mild wake-up call.
but she is too dense to figure that out.” glom4ever
13. AITJ For Not Inviting My Husband's Family To My Twins' Second Birthday?
“My (F27) SIL (F 32) is very overbearing and has to be the center of attention. Which is fine most of the time since I’m a very passive person who prefers to not be the center of attention.
SIL has proven to make things about her on numerous occasions. She announced her pregnancy at my engagement party, shared she was moving to another state at her brother’s graduation and did more little things to steal moments from others. She seems to have the whole family wrapped around her little finger.
Last year I was starting to plan my twins’ first birthday party. With her living out of state I asked her to let me know if she could make it on the date I had picked out. She confirmed and so I went on with planning.
Flash forward to about a month before the party I sent out email invitations to their birthday party. My husband and I then got bombarded with texts saying that every person on his side couldn’t make it. Including SIL.
I was upset but even more so when we asked each person why.
FIL and MIL are divorced and remarried so they each had different excuses.
FIL said they had season tickets to a small local college game on that day. It wasn’t a special game the day we were holding the party.
MIL who is a on the go barber said she had to do hair for a client that day.
My husband‘s godmother said she had plans at her Lakehouse that weekend.
Finally, SIL texted us back and told us that she could make it if we combined her baby shower with the twins’ first birthday. She is about two months pregnant at this point.
I was confused because she had already said she could make it and had planned on making it.
Then his side of the family started texting us about her idea. She told everyone that we were going to do it before we even agreed.
I had spent months planning the boy’s first birthday I know it’s silly and that they’ll never remember their first birthday but it was special to us.
Then suddenly everyone could come and move their plants around for this combined baby shower birthday party.
I refused to combine their party with her baby shower you can take the attention away from me but you can’t take the attention away from my babies.
That’s where I draw the line.
His whole family was angry and decided to go back to their original plans and not come to the boy’s first birthday and said we’ll celebrate another day.
She planned her shower for the day after their party.
So everyone came to her baby shower and at the end of it, they sing happy birthday to the twins.
I know it’s petty but this year I decided not to invite them to the twins’ birthday party. Their party is next month and my husband supports us by not inviting them however my MIL asked us when their party was going to be.
And I told her that they weren’t invited this year because of the way they disregarded my kids last year. She had a huge fit. So am I the jerk to leave out his side of the family after they ditched my boys last year?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They made their bed now they can lie in it. All of them specifically chose not to come to your kiddo’s party and they are making it very obvious that they have a favorite in the family. Have a fun birthday with your kids and let your husband’s side of the family deal with the consequences of their actions.
If they wanted to be in the twins’ life they would make the time and they can also deal with the consequences of their actions when they miss out on the opportunities to make cherished memories with your kids.” Mad_Lemur18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Stories like this make me angry and sad. None of them had good excuses to not attend the party last year, they simply just wouldn’t put in the effort because they don’t care. We know who the favorite child is. Keep your son and yourself away from these toxic people who will hurt your feelings over and over again just because they feel like it.
Good for you that your husband supports you. Consider going no contact/low contact with his family they have shown how little they care about their son and grandchild. They need to put in more effort and gain back your and your husband’s respect before they are allowed to see their grandson.
Be careful because when your son is older he will feel he’s been treated differently and less worthy than SIL’s child by dad’s side of the family. It will literally be how it was between your husband and his sister all over again with the grandchildren.
Protect your son from these selfish awful and toxic people.” xxDiamondgirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, your sister-in-law is organized, she found out your date and arranged with her entire family to switch up so that she could get her kid’s birthday party at a discount.
Like the levels of planning to this my goodness.
I think you’re a jerk if you just don’t fully cut off contact with these people. Because if they all are servants, following the whims of a woman who clearly does not respect you or your husband and is willing to come out when your kids are old enough to be cognizant of this, hurt your kids to serve her own interests, why should they be in your kids’ life at all?
You need to talk about going fully no contact with your husband, because of his family all don’t care about your family, there’s no reason for them to know your kids.” JCBashBash
12. AITJ For Wanting 30 Minutes Of Silence When I Come Home From Work?
“I (23f) live with my parents and work two jobs and go to school, one of my jobs is during the week. This job takes me about an hour to an hour and a half to get home because of traffic. Now I get really anxious with freeways and I get really nervous and freaked out.
But I do the drive, that’s not an issue though. the Issue is when I come home after feeling freaked out with all that pent-up stress I need a little bit of time to unwind and decompress. My parents, are really sweet and want to know about my day, how was work, and all that jazz.
But since I am on edge and freaked from the drive home. I just want to shower and calm myself down with some ‘me-time’ as they call it.
After a few weeks of them asking questions right when I get home, and me being short in response even though I did try to be more lively with my answers but it wasn’t welcoming (their words).
I’m just exhausted from being so anxious on the freeway. So I thought a good way to compromise was after I greet my parents hello, they will give me 30 minutes to just decompress, and then from there, it will be all good and dandy.
But it was not good and dandy my mom said I was being really rude and a jerk for inconveniencing them. And putting that kind of energy into the home. I thought my mom would understand since she can’t drive freeways. she also gets anxious
For the record I’m not asking for the whole house to be silent I’m just asking to not be bombarded with questions when I first come in.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They sound like my parents (and you sound like me, I absolutely need a couple of minutes at home after work to wind down before I can be a friendly human again.) Sometimes you have to reiterate a boundary a few times before people get it.
Especially if after the 30 minutes of me-time you come bouncing out of your room with a smile on your face and willing to chat with them. Gotta train your parents ‘oh OP is grumpy when they get home but if we give them a little me-time they will be a happy person again.’ If they prove untrainable though, might be time to get your own place.” manaliabrid
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is a classic example of two people (or three people, in this case) not communicating well. Your parents are trying to be supportive, but they’re doing it in the way that they want to be supported, not in the way that you want to be supported.
This is the kind of thing that’s usually resolved with a calm, reasonable conversation about how to communicate. If you have that conversation and they persist, then they’re the jerk.” DukeMaximum
Another User Comments:
“You live with your parents whether you’re living with your parents or coming home to your own family it is normal for them to want to greet you and talk to you when you come in the door.
That being said we do need time to decompress. Great brother-in-law of mine had the idea to decompress in his car before he walked in and saw his family. And both he and the family were much better for it. NTJ, it’s hard to expect others to change positive habits so sometimes adapting our habits around it is much easier.
Plus this is a good habit to get into for the future.” boiledpenny
11. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Pay Me?
“My husband (50m) and I (50f) own a small restaurant. He runs the kitchen and I run the front of the house.
I pay all of our household bills with the tips that I make as a waitress. Recently, one of the cooks had to have shoulder surgery and was told he would be off for sixteen weeks. I gave up my fifteen-hour waitress shift to go in the back to cook.
I asked that I be paid for those hours as a cook since he was already paying someone those hours because I could make a lot of money as a waitress but nothing as a cook. On the day I cook, I would have made $200 as a server – that’s $400 in one pay period – and that money is what I use to pay the bills.
He says he shouldn’t have to pay me, as I am part owner, but I say that he would be spending that same amount to pay someone else and that is what I use to pay our bills. He doesn’t pay himself, so every bill is paid by me.
Edit: He controls all the finances for the business. Basically, I’m just a server in charge of other servers. He doesn’t take pay to save on labor. I cook other days without being paid, but because he took me off the floor to cook for someone he was already paying, I asked to be paid for that one shift only.
It’s a fifteen-hour shift that I lost on the floor to cook.
Second edit: I am going to talk to one of my regulars who is a CPA and have them check things out. To be fair, I make a lot of money as a server there.
I’ve put seven out of eight of our kids through school, they’ve always been well taken care of, and I really am a good server. I know it seems like a strange hill to die on, but I absolutely think that since he is asking me to work where he was already paying someone else, he should give me their pay.
I promise you, the business is not failing. When the global crisis hit, our projected sales were a little over a million dollars for that year. As it stands now, I’m thinking we will hit about $750,000 in sales this year. We regularly update equipment and the tables and chairs, etc. and I can now see where I have been taken advantage of.
One cool thing is since I pay all the bills when we bought the house we live in, it’s only in my name. So at least there’s that.”
Another User Comments:
“Since you pay all the household bills with tips, he needs to pony up anytime you have to cook.
Bills can’t get paid with air. Next time let him know if you don’t get paid then he needs to find another to cook or do it himself. His not paying himself won’t hurt paying the bills. So the logical choice is him cooking if he wants to not pay.
Unless you can look at the books and they aren’t cooked, then you would know for sure if he doesn’t take a cut. ‘His way, you could just quit waitressing and that would be on the same terms as your cooking unpaid. Let him figure out how the bills can get paid from his profits minus paying you and using you to serve customers.
NTJ.” pensaha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to pay you, (and himself but right now we are talking about you.) His way of handling the business finances to save labor is setting you up for a WORLD of future hurt. He is being incredibly shortsighted by ‘saving labor funds’ in ways that you will only find out when you need money the most. And be SURE you know or learn your tax situation, for both business and individual taxes.
If he’s cutting corners there too that will impact you so badly. Stand your ground, get paid, and good luck.” Outside-Ice-5665
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is clear financial mistreatment. You deserve to be paid (not tips) and if you are a co-owner then you deserve half the profit drawn too.
You deserve to pay a fair (50%) amount of the bills. You are working your butt off but he can buy himself a shiny car! This man is taking you for a fool. I understand what it’s like to be scared of always being alone etc but you can’t keep doing this.
You need to dump this whole situation.
Divorce this jerk, get half the house and use the dough to buy a smaller house with cheaper bills. Get your share of the business/profits that you are actually entitled to. Get a job that actually pays and has reasonable working conditions.
Please stop killing yourself for a man who clearly is taking you for a ride! I really hope you, in a few months, can tell us about your divorce and how much your life has improved with your freedom.” Away-Breadfruit-35
10. AITJ For Not Consulting With My Sister When We Named Our Child?
“My (27m) and my wife (26f) have been together since we were 16. We got married two years ago and just had our first child.
For the sake of privacy, I’ll call our child ‘Mason.’
When we announced our baby’s name at his birth, everyone seemed happy. But after everyone gave my wife and me to bond with our son, my sister (25f) asked me if she could talk to me.
When we were in private, she blew up at me saying I was betraying her by naming my child Mason.
She said his name was on a list of ‘potential baby names’ if she had a boy. I had not known about this list beforehand so that was a surprise.
She asked me to change my son’s name because apparently, Mason was one of two names she chose for a boy.
My father sided with me but my mother sided with my sister. AITJ?
EDIT: No, she is not in a relationship/married.
She’s not pregnant as far as I know.
She doesn’t want to go to therapy because it will ‘brainwash’ her. (I don’t get her reasoning on that.)
She was the golden child growing up because she was a high-risk pregnancy.
And now onto the update: It’s been a day since my wife and I had our son.
My family has left due to work things etc and I’ve been working from home in order to help my wife if she needs it.
I got a call from my sister today asking if I’ve changed the name. I said no. She got mad at me and continued to berate me about ‘stealing’ her baby’s name because she had ‘mentioned’ it at a Christmas party last year to our mother and assumed she told me.
(My wife and I had to leave 10 minutes in due to my wife not feeling well. Turns out that’s how we found out we were pregnant.) I told her she could use her other choice as a name for a son and she said ‘Colton’ (fake name) isn’t as good as Mason.
Mason’s a strong boy name, and well… Colton’s the opposite. Since you and your wife are both professors I think you would like the name Colton better.’
I was so mad at her that I hung up. Looking for something to do, I suggested to my wife that she take a nap so I could take care of Mason.
She asked if I was okay (she heard the call) and I said yes and that I loved her and our family just the way it was.
There’s absolutely no way we were changing his name and I’m honestly debating on cutting my sister out of my life as of now.
I cannot deal with this drama and a newborn.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your baby was given a name chosen by you and your partner. Your sister’s future possible baby is not even conceived let alone born. For all she knows, she will only have daughters.
Or her husband may hate the name Mason. It’s not like a car ride where you claim ‘shotgun’ and get the front seat. Also, you can’t betray your sister because you didn’t read her mind or consult with her about a child she didn’t participate in the creation of.
Congrats on the baby. And be careful of your sister’s behavior with him. If she’s that unhinged about celebrating your new child, then who knows what she will say to him about why you chose his name.” SaltyMoose41520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She kept a secret list of names for a potential baby that she may or may not have in the future.
And if anyone close to her happens to pick any of the names on her secret list, they have to be the ones to accommodate her. What kind of narcissistic, sociopathic nonsense is that?
I’ve always found ‘reserving names’ in poor taste because nobody owns a name.
I can sometimes give a pass if it’s a name that has a deep, personal meaning to someone. But even then, if the name is common enough, it’s still not a good enough reason to demand other people not to use it.
Your sister is weird.
Your mother is weird for siding with her. Tell your sister she can go pound sand.” Apprehensive_Secret2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she didn’t make it known that she wanted to name a son Mason someday, then you didn’t betray her. That’s just not what betrayal is; it requires intent and malice, and you were possessed of neither.
Even so, she doesn’t get to trademark names when she’s not herself pregnant. And again, even so, if you want dibs on a name, you speak up. The notion that her desire to maybe someday have a son named Mason is somehow more important than your desire to definitely have a son named Mason right now is frankly ridiculous.” TurtleTheMoon
9. AITJ For Stealing The Spotlight At My Sister's Birthday Dinner?
“My (25F) Dad (52M) remarried. His wife has a daughter (30F) and granddaughter (9? F). They planned a birthday dinner for my step-sister at their house in the evening.
I have a very good/close relationship with my Dad, he is the best Dad ever. I haven’t seen him in roughly 3 weeks, which is unusual for us.
While we were eating, step sis took up the majority of the conversation. Not a problem; it’s her birthday. Later we had cake and she opened presents/letters.
After dinner, I got with my Dad and asked him to help me pin a coat for my Halloween costume.
I had no one else to help me, and Halloween is almost here. I also showed everyone my finished embroidery project because I was proud of it. I also got with Dad and showed him a handrail I am designing/making at work.
Towards the end of the night, step-sis was acting bitter and made a couple of jabs at me for ‘stealing the night’ and wishing her daughter could have spent more time with Papa.
I didn’t think what I did was an issue. She was spending time with her Mom so I thought everything was fine. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your stepsister is being ridiculous. She’s 30 years old and a mother. If she honestly expects her birthday to be solely focused on herself for 24hs then she’s in for a very bitter time once a year for the rest of her life.
You didn’t make anything about yourself. You waited until well after the whole main event was over and she was celebrated by everyone until that point. Catching up with your dad isn’t wrong at all and showing him some projects you made is perfectly fine.
The fact your stepsister tried to use her daughter as an excuse for her own childish, jealous behavior makes her the jerk.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t understand people like this, she’s 30 years old, Is no one allowed to talk about what’s going on in their lives during a family get-together?
It’s not like you ‘stole the limelight’ by making some big announcement or monopolizing your father’s attention. You just shared something that’s been keeping you busy these days and that you’re proud of. She had her celebration with cake and presents, other adults can have discussions.” hare_and_fox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as long as you waited until after all the main birthday events for the evening had finished. She’s 30 and can get over herself. If she wants her daughter to spend more time with your father then she needs to start bringing her daughter around him more often.” _BigJuicy
8. AITJ For Going Off On My Friend For Discriminating My Sister?
“My sister (28F)has a learning disability that made it hard for her to hold down a job and so she has lived with our parents for most of her life.
My sister and parents had a lot of fights over the global crisis because she still wanted to go out and they wanted her to stay at home to avoid getting sick. So now she wants to move out and recently found a job. It doesn’t pay well but she wants to move out.
Because she doesn’t make a lot she can’t afford most places and has been stuck living at home with our mom driving her to work every day.
Then my friend said her basement suite was open at a good price to rent and I jumped on asking for her to rent to my sister.
My sister went to see the place and she loved it. My friend wanted a background check and credit check and my sister agreed to it. My sister didn’t want me involved and wanted to handle it to prove she was independent. Ok, I stepped back and 2 weeks later she calls me and cries saying my friend discriminated against her for her learning disability.
I confront my friend and she defends herself by saying she asked for my sister’s email and kept getting the wrong email. Apparently, my sister kept giving her the wrong email for a week before she got the right one. Then she said that my sister didn’t fill out the forms and kept saying she was going to.
My sister said she didn’t know how to but my friend said she never asked her. I told my friend she should have come to me and she said I told her to discuss it with my sister and she didn’t say she didn’t know how to fill it out, only that she would get to it.
She said she gave her a week to fill it out and got sick of waiting and signed with someone else. I got angry with her saying she should accommodate her disability better (she knows she has a disability). She got mad at me and pointed out that my sister should have told me or her that she didn’t know how to fill out the form and that she wasn’t going to baby her like I do.
I got so mad and she hung up on me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your sister asked you not to get involved, but then she wasn’t capable of handling it herself. That is proof she is not ready to be living by herself without some kind of assistance.
What is your friend to do when your sister needs to pay rent and can’t set up the transfer or write a check? Just accept that she has to rent for free because your sister has a disability? I’m sorry, but that’s not how the world works.
Your sister wasn’t ‘discriminated against’, she just failed to meet the minimum requirements of being able to rent – which is filling out the proper paperwork OR asking help from someone who could fill it out with her.” EatAPotatoOrSeven
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you need to think about what your sister asked of you and the whole situation.
Your sister wanted to do this on her own without you. BUT she could not fill out a form or send an email in a reasonable timeframe which shows the renter she might be incapable of renting. That is a completely reasonable assumption of what has happened. She can’t get things done with an extension so will the rent be the same?
What about cleaning up a room or dealing with problems will things just be pushed off forever unless people nag her? That isn’t a fair situation for the renters or the other people renting so her denying is completely justifiable.
You were the major jerk when you pushed the ‘disability attack’ topic.
It is kinda similar to when someone pulls a race card this was a ‘just because she is disabled’ hit that is completely irrelevant here.
There were chances given and a lack of adult-needed proactiveness that your sister asked YOU TO RESPECT and you didn’t.
So YTJ, it’s on you.” www_dot_no
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for calling your friend a witch
Your sister has struggled with and failed the relatively easy task of filling out paperwork on time.
It might not be what you want to hear, but your sister isn’t yet capable of living on her own.
Perhaps you should apologize to your friend, and then look realistically at your sister and start working out where her weak areas are and how to address them. I don’t mean with you just saying ‘oh, I’ll do that for her’. Be realistic. How will she get to work, manage finances, fill out forms, etc without you?
Use that list of things as a plan towards enablement of independence.
It’s possible that the list might also show that your sister may never be capable of living alone, and so the cost of a daily carer may need to be factored in.” Middle–Earth
7. AITJ For Not Letting My Roommate Borrow My Laptop?
“I share a house with 2 other roommates and we’re all ages 22-24.
My laptop stopped working a few weeks ago and I started checking out laptops from my school library. Had to return them and check out a new one weekly.
During that time my roommate needed to complete some paperwork for a new job and since she doesn’t have a laptop, I offered for her to use the rental laptop.
She got the paperwork done in a couple of days and after that continued to ask to borrow the laptop to play on it. And when I say play I mean play club penguin, Webkinz, pixie hollow… I didn’t roast her too hard for that because those were games I grew up playing and I understand the nostalgia factor.
So she has been borrowing it every couple of days to do that. (edit: she is NOT a student so no she cannot rent a laptop from school.)
Now, my parents generously decided to buy me a new laptop. Call me spoiled if you want (I’m not).
In recent years they have jumped a tax bracket or two and I’m still in school so they enjoy helping where they can. My roommate asked to borrow the laptop to ‘look up some things’ and I said no. Now that it’s my personal laptop and not a rental I don’t feel super comfortable with people borrowing it.
Not to mention, I don’t want to keep up this sharing thing we’ve got going forever. I feel like if you have to ask someone over and over to borrow something, maybe it’s time to get your own. I still feel bad though for saying no.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and no you are not spoiled, it seems you recognize that it is a generous gift and you are grateful. Many parents when they start making more money will give things like this to help in ways that they were not able to do before and there is no reason to feel guilty about that.
You are under no obligation to let this roommate use something of yours, especially a laptop. Offer her other solutions. There are plenty of used laptops to be found for cheap that she could buy if all she is doing is playing some games like that on them.” jmilred
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
With a rental, you don’t have any expectation of privacy. With your own personal computer, you do. Doesn’t mean you have things to hide, just means that the situation is different now, and you aren’t comfortable with sharing a personal computer like you would a rental. With a rental, you wouldn’t have cookies that stay, or chances that a password would be accidentally found out.
So, you have valid reasons.
Thing is, you don’t need valid reasons to say ‘no’ about a personal item when someone wants to borrow it. You can just have a policy that you don’t loan things anymore. You can just say ‘no’ about this one thing or to this one person.
The reasons don’t matter.
You do not have to explain your reasons to the roommate. All you have to do is say, ‘I was okay sharing a rental, but I’m not okay sharing my personal computer. Sorry.’ And then do not discuss it further.
If she wants reasons, that doesn’t mean you have to give them. Someone that respects other people might ask ‘why’ but when you repeat the same thing, that you aren’t okay with this, someone that respects you will accept this without pushing. So, if she pushes for reasons, she’s rude.
And you do not have to answer. Change the subject. If she can’t take that hint, say ‘I’ve made my decision about this, and I’m not discussing it.’
This is about your decisions, and having them respected. You are the only one qualified and with any right to make this decision.
Other people, like roommates, should accept your decisions about your personal items. If she can’t do that, and especially if she gets pushy about it, it’s time to explore a change in housing, either for you or for her, at the next opportunity. She’s not entitled to your stuff, whether you are using it or not.
Saying no is often a very healthy boundary. With practice, you can get used to doing this and not feel guilty about it.” blueberryyogurtcup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Laptops are like phones. You don’t constantly borrow. Seriously there’s a lot of personal and private information stored on there.
Tell her to get a refurbished one off Amazon for a couple of hundred bucks. Laptops are cheap these days.” Fun-Statistician-550
6. WIBTJ If I Prevent Guests From Playing With My Things?
“This has been going on for most of my (25f) life, where all my parents’ friends have children smaller than me (14-year-old or younger) that I have (almost) nothing in common with. I still live at home for context. The kids always end up with me, in my room for hours on end.
They bother the cat constantly, who hides under blankets because she doesn’t like strangers. My gaming consoles are just expected to be free real estate and I am indirectly forced to stay with the kids for hours on end out of fear they might break things or mess up my saves etc. And when I try to leave and join the adults because, breaking news, I am an adult, the kids pull me back to come to see this, come get the cat, come change the game… It feels like I don’t get to breathe for a single minute.
Also, let’s not pretend the kids want to hang out with me specifically, they want to play with my stuff and me helping them when they want something else
The adult guests completely ignore their own children and chill with my parents in the living/dining room.
I hate it. I’m a full-on adult, I have a job, why am I STILL treated like a free babysitter… Last weeks were the final straw when some acquaintances self-invited themselves to our home and the same thing happened. Now they asked us if the kids can come over on Saturday evening.
And guess what, instead of agreeing to bring their kids’ tablets to keep them busy, they okayed their kids playing on MY CONSOLE without ever asking me if it’s ok they come over or if they can play or if I’m ok with hanging out with the kids.
I’ve had it and put my parents up to the task after they didn’t say no. If I don’t they’ll still bother me the most so I will move my console to the living room and lock my cat and myself in my room and work on my computer and wait it out.
I don’t hate the kids for this situation, I am upset at their parents for this entitlement and complete disregard for whether or not I’m fine with watching and spending time with the kids each time. The more fun the kids have at our place, the more the parents will send them over so I feel I have no other choice than to let the kids be more bored.
WIBTJ if I start ignoring the kids as much as possible, not letting them see the cat, and keep hiding/refusing to let them play with my things? My parents agreed to watch them so I feel it’s only fair they then watch them since nobody ever asked me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your time and your belongings are not just up for grabs. Also, shame on your parents for failing to see the burden they have been placing on you by making assumptions about your willingness to engage with the kids the entire time they’re visiting.
And shame on the parents of those kids for making assumptions too.
Lock your console in your room with you and don’t give in to the kids’ pleas to use it. Your parents might find it petty, but their opinion ceased to matter when they decided to never ask about your feelings on the subject.
The kids’ parents might be fine with their kids using your things, and your parents might be fine with it too, but all that really matters is if you’re fine with it.” _BigJuicy
Another User Comments:
“It is not up to your parents to fight your battles for you: as you pointed out, you are an adult, so it is up to you – not up to your parents – to decide who to allow in your room.
Yours is the final word, and this entails experiencing temporary discomfort when you (calmly) tell the guests that your room is off-limits.
They will whine, and will try to cajole you to entertain the kids – and it will make you feel uncomfortable – but you have to plow through it once, so they get the message.
In practical terms: Can you lock the door to your room (with the cat and the console inside, so the kids don’t have access to them), and then go socialize with the adults?
When (inevitably) someone asks you to let the kids play, you answer along the lines of ‘I was having some technical issues with (equipment), and would prefer not to’.
Repeat, verbatim, until they let go. Calmly. Breathe.
This is the first step to setting boundaries like an adult (and, be assured, the older adults will push back and will start themselves behaving like kids when you deny them the free babysitting they have gotten used to – but you will have to go through this once, there is no way around it).
NTJ” Ok_Bookkeeper_3481
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your parents don’t put a stop to it, inform all the parents of what your fee will be per hour of you providing entertainment for their kids. Don’t just charge for your time, charge for the wear and tear on your property as well.
Write up a contract and make them sign it so they know you are serious.” User
5. AITJ For Reporting A Touchy Coworker?
“I (33f) have high-spectrum autism. I do fine for the most part and this doesn’t have a lot of relevance other than the fact that social cues tend to go over my head and I can overreact to normal things.
On to the situation.
I can’t stand to have my shoulders or back touched. My mother used to get mad at me when I was younger because she would rub the sides of my neck with her fingers and I would flinch. It’s a reflexive reaction, I am unable to stop it.
Someone massaging my shoulders or back can make me gag, it feels that unpleasant. I have coworker friends who are well aware of this and will give me advanced warning if they give me a hug.
The coworker in question is an older female, definitely not my friend.
I’ll speak to her in the mornings while buying my breakfast and dutifully admire the expensive custom nail jobs she gets every month or for special occasions, but that’s about the end of our social interactions.
On Monday, I was buying my lunch and she was in the area, helping another customer (we work in a large retail chain).
Without warning, she walks over behind me and runs her fingernails up and down my spine in a pattern I assume she meant to be ticklish. Instead, all the muscles in my back and shoulders lock up, I nearly gag, and I quickly say ‘Please don’t do that.’ She complies; I finish paying for my food and hurry away, thoroughly creeped out.
I have avoided using the registers that she watches since going out of my way to do so. I have never given her any sort of permission to touch me nor any indicator that she was a friend and had that sort of leeway.
So, would I be the jerk here for saying something about it to our management?
Am I just overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Some people are touchy. As a person who hates being touched, I hate that casual touch that people, especially extroverts like your coworker, sometimes feel entitled to.
Let’s break it down. She touched your back, possibly/probably inappropriately.
You had an immediate physical reaction and told her firmly but politely not to do that. If you know that she has a pattern of touching people who don’t want to be touched or if she touches you again: report it. If she never touches you again: let it go.
It’s not worth the drama in your own life.
There’s no need to avoid her, although you can continue to do so if you want. If she’s reasonable your response will have immediately clued her in and she will never touch you again.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“I think at this point YWBTJ to report her. To me, it sounds like despite your not considering her a friend you have cultivated a positive and friendly working relationship with her. If you’re not close, she had no way of knowing your particular issues surrounding even minor touching.
While some will say she’s a jerk for touching you without permission to me, this is more like when you’re at work thing and excuse yourself from a conversation with a tap on the arm goodbye or a clap on the shoulder for a job well done, etc. so I don’t think she really did anything wrong.
It may not have been welcome, but it seemed like an endearment action. But you don’t like it and you said so. That’s completely legit and fair. No foul there.
Now, you’ve not been around her since to know whether or not your request is going to be complied with, which means that reporting her to HR is jumping the gun.
They’re going to ask if you spoke to her about this, and you say yes. They’ll say did she comply, and right now, you’re response is you don’t know because you’ve been avoiding her. You’ve made a request to her directly. At least wait until you know she won’t comply before you rope in the life ruiners.” armchairshrink99
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Honestly, I kinda get why she did it. Yes, it’s ‘unprofessional’ and strange. However, since you’ve already admired her nails, she might’ve gotten the assumption you’d enjoy the feeling that comes with nails brushed up your spine (similar to a full body chill for me, at least)
Good on you for speaking up on your boundary. And properly good that she stopped as well. Maybe sit her down and just explain that you don’t like being touched without warning, in those areas especially.
You don’t have to give any reasoning besides it making you uncomfortable.
I agree with another commenter about having a neutral witness present. Maybe one of your coworkers, who already understand the situation.” BipolarBippidyBoo
Another User Comments:
“Gently, YWBTJ.
She did a behavior that she had no idea you didn’t like. When you communicated this to her, she immediately stopped.
If she does it again, then that would be a reason to report it, but a one-off isn’t in my book. Sure, she may have been a bit forward, but some people are like that. She was probably trying to make you jump a little (playful scaring) or get your attention but had no idea that you were averse to people touching your back.
It might be worth having a conversation with her just to say ‘hey, I really don’t like people touching my back or shoulders it makes me gag, if you need to get my attention please use my name, or a tap on the elbow/arm/(insert place you are comfortable being touched).
Thank you’.
Then you’ve laid down a clear boundary, and if she crosses it again, you can go to your manager knowing that you’ve made it clear to her that it’s not OK.” NarrativeScorpion
4. AITJ For Demanding Payment From My Friend After He Was Robbed?
“About 17 months ago, my (28M) friend (29M) was going through a rough patch and needed money. I’m not particularly affluent, but I had some funds that I wasn’t in immediate need of, and I trusted him, so I gave it to him (with the agreement that he’d give it back as fast as he could).
Luckily, he was able to get back on track thanks to the money. He got a nice job, started saving, and in just 17 months, he was ready to pay me back the full amount. He was really thankful, and I felt great for having helped him, so everything was perfect.
The problem started when he got mugged by two men in the street while he was carrying the money.
He knocked on my door like ten times and looked distraught when I saw him. And when he told me what happened he felt awful, I could see it on his face.
But, he ended the story with ‘I’m so sorry you won’t get your money back’. That confused me, so I asked him what he meant. Apparently, since what he was carrying was already considered my property, he feels like it was the same as if I had been the one who was stolen from.
So, it’s in no way or form his responsibility, he just got caught in the middle. He said he doesn’t have any obligations towards me anymore, and it’s really unlucky, but he shouldn’t have to pay 2x his debt because of some thieves.
I get where he’s coming from, the whole situation sucks, but I don’t get why I should be the one to suffer all of the consequences. I’m saving up to buy my own apartment and gave him all of that money with 0 interest because I wanted to help.
I’m not even the one who got robbed, and frankly, I don’t think that would’ve happened to me (I’m like 6 inches taller than him, and he honestly doesn’t look very intimidating).
After a lot of discussions, he agreed to pay me back half of the amount but said he felt like I was being terribly unfair.
How am I unfair? Honestly, I’m not satisfied with this outcome. I won’t sue or anything (it’s not like we even documented the loan), but I want to know if I’m as insane as he’s making me feel for thinking he should still give me all of my money back.
(just to clarify, we live in Argentina, so 15k is A LOT, thieves are common, and banks are not trusted since they’ve kept our money before—’corralito’)
So, am I the jerk?
Edit: This person has been one of my closest friends for about 15 years, we’ve been through a lot together, so of course, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and not immediately think he’s screwing me over.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He needs to give you all of your money. It seems weird that he was mugged when he had your money. He’s the one that needed the money not you. He’s the one that carried funds, not you. You would probably still have it in a bank, not carrying funds.
This is in no way your fault. And while it may not be his fault, it’s still his responsibility. That’s a big difference there. He needs to pay for all of it. You’re being too nice.” INFJPersonality-52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And why did he wait to pay the whole thing at once?
Like wouldn’t a normal person paying a debt toss you $1000 here, $2000 there? Most people would not wait a year and a half, saving the whole sum. They would pay the sum down gradually.
That alone is reason to believe he was not really mugged. But his ‘your money was stolen’ line is not valid either.
It wasn’t yours yet, it never touched your hand.
He is playing you, with no intention of paying you.
He agreed to pay half. I bet if you ask for monthly payments he would find a reason he can’t pay monthly. And I bet it will be a long time before you see a cent.
So sorry your friend fooled you. Basically, that is what he is doing and he is not a good friend.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s definitely lying but honestly, it doesn’t even matter if it was true. He still owes you the money.
He is lying to you! He needs to give you back all of the money he owes you. Not half.
Send him a message and tell him that he must’ve really been crazy to think he would get away with what he did, that you know exactly what happened and if he doesn’t give you your money back within a few days or a few hours you will go to the cops or take him to court
Do not say anything else and do not give any details, let him think you knew exactly what he did.” rainbow_mak3r
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Accommodate Someone We Don't Really Know?
“I (F24), my partner (M25), and his cousin (M30) are immigrants from one European country to another.
The 3 of us are living together in a 2-bedroom one-living room open space kitchen apartment. I came to this country 6 months ago and the arrangement works for us for now. The other day, my partner received a call from his father informing him that he had a conversation with this person (M40) that in summary went like this: the M40 told my partner’s family that he is afraid that he will lose his job, that his wife quit her job to stay at home with their child who has special needs.
(I don’t know what the child was diagnosed with).
Now my partner’s dad had the great idea that this 40M could come work and live with us. When my partner’s dad called (via video chat) he just point blank told only my partner that he needs to help this M40 because he knows him, because it is difficult for the M40 and his family, and because the mother of his wife (who passed away 2 or 3 years ago) was the godmother of my partner and he needs to honor her memory and, that having this person live with us would help us on rent.
So all in all with will be a win-win for everyone.
I need to point out that the dad never once asked if we will be okay with this. Just presented this list of reasons that my partner needs to accept. Not once his father addressed me.
My partner never said no. He just said we’ll see. Never once said this wasn’t ok or even seemed upset about this. I don’t think he ever said NO to his family regardless of his wanting to do or not do certain things. He is very non-confrontational with everyone.
After the call ended, my partner had an explosion of emotions toward his family, anger being the most prominent. (How could his parents do this to him. His father doesn’t pay rent in this apartment, he can’t demand anything. He is a grown man he doesn’t need to be told what to do) He tried to come up with poorly judged solutions (We’ll move so we don’t have to live with this person.
We’ll let this person only make his papers (address, ID) at our place and he will stay with someone else) Now I was becoming very upset. He had the chance to say everything to his parents but he didn’t.
I needed space to be angry myself because this affects me as well.
If the situation was put differently, if only his parents had the minimum amount of respect to just ASK if and not guilt us things will be different. My partner told me that he will talk to them and make things straight one day, and another day told me that the situation is very bad but now he knows that we can’t get out of it.
That even if we are not ok we need to accept it because his parents sorta kinda promised this to the M40. I don’t know what to do. This isn’t the first time that they heavily involved themselves in our business.
UPDATE: Now, last night my partner came home and while I was preparing dinner he said that he will call his parents.
I panicked a bit and told him to wait, to discuss this with me so we can be on the same page, and truly I wanted to talk to him about all the good advice I received here, I was even considering showing him this post. But no, that didn’t happen.
He said that he called his dad or that his dad called him while he was at work and that ‘the issue is resolved’. I was dumbfounded. We communicated via text all day and he never mentioned anything about that. I was very sad. This would have been the perfect solution, clean, not my business, go for it, you know?
Before he went into the bedroom to make the call I tried to reason with him to give me more details about what happened but he just brushed me off. I was confused and frustrated. I kept my cool through dinner and when we came to the bedroom I started asking questions (a lot of them) to find out what happened. He wasn’t pleased. He told me that they had I fight and I don’t need to know what was about.
I continue pressuring him because I felt I needed to know since I was involved and he continued to avoid and call me a nag. (Nagging him) After we calmed down he told me that the convo went like this: Dad – No one is coming, don’t worry about that anymore.
My partner – We’ll that’s good, you can give me advice but not intrude in my life like this. Dad – Yeah, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t think about it. My partner – I’m not leaving solo in this apartment there are 3 of us, and it’s not ok.
Dad – Yeah, I know, I didn’t think about that. So on and so forth. No apologies, no boundaries set, no nothing. That’s all…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If his parents feel so badly about this person, they should take him and not force him on to others who don’t know him.
I wouldn’t want some strange person living in my apartment either. And since it’s not just your partner’s place but yours too, you can and should put your foot down and say absolutely not. In other words, if your partner won’t tell his father, you should.
Maybe then his father will learn that he shouldn’t promise things that he has no business promising.” ladygreyowl13
Another User Comments:
“You need to talk this out with your partner as soon as possible – like today – before his parents put this guy on a train.
They are so pushy that it sounds like they might do this anyway, even if your partner tells them No.
You should probably involve the cousin in this, too. (I wonder if the parents are able to control the cousin, though, through his parents.)
Perhaps, your partner could tell his parents that both you and cousin are leaving immediately if this guy (and his family – let’s face it) come.
He could tell them that since he can’t afford the place and care for this guy alone, that they will have to send him money every month.
NTJ” Swedishpunsch
Another User Comments:
“Tell them no and shut the door in their face. It’s not your responsibility to take in a stranger you don’t know.
If they want to care so much they can open their home to the guy, not volunteer your place. They have no right to open your home up to someone else. The only house they can promise the guy is their own.
If they try leaving him there call the cops.
It’s nuclear but will save you so much trouble in the figure. Don’t take in human strays. Getting them out later is always a nightmare.
You have no idea if the guy is a criminal, on illegal substances, or will just disrespect or harm you or your family.
They can’t force you to take anyone in. Just say no with zero discussion.” depressivedarling
2. AITJ For Telling My Brother That His Boss Is Out Of His League?
“My (29F) brother (33M) started working at a new firm. He is working there because I asked my husband´s cousin, (36M) his boss to hire him as a ‘family favor’, My husband’s cousin owns this firm so it wasn’t a problem for him to hire my brother like two weeks later my brother started telling me that he was attracted to his boss and found him handsome, My brother is bi and when he found out that Jeff (his boss) is gay, went crazy about it, because He likes him, here is the thing, my brother knows Jeff if married to Liam (His husband) and has a four-year-old son with Liam, my brother thinks that as Jeff is nice and polite to him, Jeff is into him.
My brother came to my house yesterday and told me and my husband that he was planning on asking Jeff out, I mean, I am mad because he is talking as if Jeff was single so I told my brother: ‘Ok, let’s ignore the fact that going after a married person is wrong and morally incorrect, do you think he’d leave his handsome husband who is an engineer and makes twice what you do and who he has a child with for you?
A man he just met? C’mon buddy, he is completely out of your league, he has a great job, a handsome husband, and a happy family with a child, if he leaves his husband would be for the better and not the worse.’
My brother called me a jerk for comparing him to Jeff’s husband, my husband says I’m the jerk because I was too rude and made a big deal over a feeling, my mom called me rude about my brother’s feelings. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to tell Jeff what is going on. Your brother has a deluded crush and the rest of your family (including your husband) are encouraging him in this. He is going to do something that should get him fired and if Jeff doesn’t know why he might keep your brother on out of family loyalty.
When he does something bad enough your family will blame you and/or Jeff. And what if he tries to sabotage Jeff’s marriage? You could have been nicer about it, but he certainly doesn’t deserve it.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother might not hear this blunt language from anyone else, but he has heard it.
Now it’s up to him to decide whether he is going to take it seriously. He might not. He might move ahead with his plan and watch the whole house of cards come crashing down. It might make him resent you more because he’s hearing ‘I told you so’s’ in his head.
But nonetheless, it would be a real disservice if no one ever mentioned the elephant in the room. So all you can do at this point is wait and see what happens. If he loses the job, please be as sympathetic as you possibly can.
If the worst happens, I imagine he might use it as a teachable moment and behave differently if a similar situation arises in the future.” PandoraClove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s pretend that your brother is straight and his boss is a woman.
This is obsessive and toxic behavior that everyone would be even more alarmed with.
Your brother is seriously deranged. Someone was nice to him and now he’s obsessed to the point that he’s willing to try and break a family up. What’s next? Stalking?
Also, you vouched for this guy. Your personal and professional reputation is on the line.
I would talk to this man. He did you a favor and he’s about to be a part of something dangerous.
He has the right to know what’s coming so he can prepare. I would also be worried that your brother will retaliate against him by lying about something happening.
Get this under control.” bucktoothedhazelnut
1. AITJ For Calling The Debt Collector On My Cousin?
“A few years ago, my cousin’s business closed and he ran into some issues with the law, leaving him with a debt and a fine. A number of my family members pooled some money to lend him and I lent the bulk (the equivalent of USD 25k) of that amount.
His parents are unemployed so they were unable to help much.
He started a new business in second-hand car dealings and stuff and I never thought much about it as I assumed he would pay back when he was in a more stable situation.
One day, my younger brother informs me that my cousin took his family to Paris (a 12-hour flight away) for a vacation.
I saw it was posted on my cousin’s social media page but I was unable to view it even though we are connected there which means he probably hid it from me.
I met up with my cousin after he was back and asked if there were any updates on the amount owed. He was surprised and asked about me suddenly bringing it up.
I said I was aware that he took his family to Paris and asked why did he not at least pay a certain portion back. My cousin got defensive and accused me of trying to control his life like he was bankrupt. I said that since he’s in a much better financial situation, I would expect some repayments to start.
I got my parents to enquire about their other siblings (my other uncles) who had lent money to check on their status and it turns out that my cousin had already repaid them (about 7k USD in total). I got mad and called my cousin to demand an explanation.
He said that since I was the ‘richest’ of them, I didn’t need the money and he would repay me last, along with some choice words about me hounding him, including ‘Dude just admit it that you’re broke and need the money’. I said that if I didn’t hear any plans for repayment within the next few days, I would explore other avenues.
He dared me to sue him before hanging up.
After a week of silence, I approached a debt-collecting agency I had used frequently for my own business. Lawsuits and whatnot were out of the question because lawyer fees would eat up half of that amount and even if the court awards me that amount, the onus still falls to me in terms of collecting it.
A week after that, my cousin calls me and curses me for embarrassing him at his workplace. Turns out the debt collector had headed down to his place of business and created a commotion and warned him that if he does not want to discuss an installment plan, they would visit his house and his wife’s workplace.
I insisted that he speak to my debt collector about any issues regarding payment from now on.
My relatives including my parents said that I was wrong to drag an outsider in and I was too harsh as well especially given I was aware of how the agency operates from past experience.
Debt collectors are legal here but many of their methods skirt the law in terms of legality. I’m aware but I honestly don’t see any other avenues for someone who is deliberately being difficult.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He blew you off when you tried to talk with him, as well as spent large sums on leisure activities that he deliberately concealed from you.
Patiently waiting for him to pay you back was no longer a good option. In my opinion, the ‘keep everything in the family’ mentality is incredibly toxic, especially when this is used to sweep problems under the rug, which is what I believe would have happened if you tried to use family pressure to get him to pay.
(I could be wrong, I don’t know your family after all).” Free_Ad_7708
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
How does someone a nice chunk of dough, pay everyone one back but the one that loaned them the most money, go to Paris, get mad when confronted about it, and then taunt them about it?
The cousin had every right to have the debt collector called on him at work… the only issue I have a fault with is leaving the wife’s workplace and home alone. That takes it to a whole new level when the family is threatened.” Low-Security9915
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he sent you the message very plainly he was never going to repay you because your b***d relation does not entitle you to be treated as family by him. So if you’re not family, then he is just some guy you loaned funds to who isn’t paying you back, that’s what a debt collector is for.
It’s not wrong to drag in an outsider when you’re already being treated like an outsider. If your parents and other relatives have an issue with it, then they need to start applying pressure for him to pay you back. Do they think it is wrong that he feels no call to pay you back and is just trying to steal from you?” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You shouldn’t loan anyone, especially a family member, money and expect it to be paid back. It always becomes a mess like this. When you give someone a loan, you have to accept that you might just not ever see that money again.
I also don’t understand why so many people take expensive vacations when they are in deep debt.
It’s a lot of money, so I don’t blame you for wanting to get it back, but the debt collectors you hired sound like they’re from the mafia.
LOL. They’d visit his house and his wife’s workplace? Hopefully, your cousin doesn’t call you again asking to cover his medical costs.” Mucho_Maas_
