People Value Our Thoughts On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting My Husband's Brother To Move To The Basement For Our Baby's Nursery?
“When my (24f) husband (30M) and I bought our home, at the time, his brother (26m) was living with him.
I didn’t want to displace him since it was my decision to purchase the home, and I told him he could move in with us.
Everything’s been good, we have 3 bedrooms on the main level, one for our bedroom, one for our computer/office/game room (I work from home so I need that), and his brother’s room.
Now that I am pregnant, I want his brother to move to the room in the basement. It’s twice the size of his room. We even offered to floor and carpet it, and paint the walls his choosing. He doesn’t want to move to the basement because his “cats will feel uncomfortable”.
Darn. Cats. I’m starting a family, and I need my office, and his room was what I had in mind to convert into a nursery. I told him he’s going to hear screaming and crying all the time. He doesn’t care, and now he wants to paint the bedroom.
To mark it? I don’t know.
On top of that, my husband is siding with him saying “he just feels comfortable upstairs. We will change the office into the nursery and bring the computers into the bedroom.” I’m on the verge of throwing them both out of my house, I’m so frustrated. Shouldn’t it be my feelings first?
What I feel comfortable with my baby?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m very confused on why a lot of people want the pregnant woman/mother of an infant to walk up and down stairs instead of telling a GROWN MAN to move to the basement?
The assumption is that the basement is underground with a dirt floor or something when we don’t know that is the case. Also, we are talking about a baby. What adult is going to want to live and sleep next to a baby who is going to spend most of the first MONTHS crying.
Let the man stay there because the cats are gonna run to the basement without him the first night that child screams!” KAT_GRL_WNDR
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you discussed it previously the brother said he would move, and then he just decided but didn’t tell you that he had changed his mind.
It logistically makes sense to not move the office and have the baby once they are able to sleep in their own room, still have a room close to you. The fact that your husband is picking his brother over your work and the child you two are going to be having together over his brother being slightly inconvenient by having to move his stuff, is a problem.
You need to have a big conversation with your husband because his brother is a jerk, but it’s a bigger problem that your husband has his brother’s back over yours.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s reasonable for you to try to organize your space so that you can try to work as efficiently as possible while parenting.
That means office and baby room on the same floor of the house. (For the sake of your marriage, do not move the office and especially do not move the gaming devices into your bedroom!) Becoming a parent is a major additional responsibility with significant financial and social effects on your household, physical effects on you, and emotional effects on your marriage.
So yes, you get to put your anticipated needs as a WFH mother of a newborn first and expect your spouse and tenant to do so as well. Besides, your tenant was already notified that the room would be unavailable due to a family member moving in!
He already agreed to move to the basement space! If he wants to be treated as family, he needs to act like family and flex with the household’s changing needs. Which means moving to the basement. If he wants to be treated like a tenant, he’s been advised with plenty of lead time that the room he occupies will be repossessed for landlord’s use.” Amiedeslivres
21. AITJ For Cancelling Our Sibling Trip Because My Brother's Friend's Father Died?
“I (28F) have a brother (20M) and a sister (25F). We are really close although we don’t live in the same city.
We have been trying to plan a vacation for the last 2 years but the plan always gets cancelled or postponed due to multiple factors like my brother’s semester exams, my sister’s annual leave issues etc. I have been on a vacation with my sister in 2018 but the sibling trip that I have been aiming for is yet a dream.
Recently we agreed to go on a 3-day trip this coming weekend. My sister’s partner got involved in the trip somehow but I have no problem with that. We were almost done with all the decisions and the only thing pending was booking the hotel.
Yesterday my brother got a call that his best friend’s father died and he decided to go to his funeral and be with his friend in this time of need. He was crying nonstop yesterday because, in the span of 1 year, his 2 other best friends lost either their mother or father and I think it took a toll on him.
It didn’t seem right for me to ask him to go on the trip or go without him as it would not be a sibling trip then. So I talked to my sister about it and decided to postpone the trip. But today I got a series of texts from her partner asking me to consider going on the trip with/without my brother because cancelling a trip will do no good to anyone’s “mental health” and that being weak at this time will lead to others being weak as well.
It didn’t make any sense to me and I was really angry. I don’t understand how he can be so apathetic and condescending at the same time. His texts made me feel like a jerk for cancelling the trip. I am going to talk to my sister about it but I wanna know if I am indeed a jerk for cancelling the trip!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a sibling trip. Not a sibling plus an inconsiderate partner trip. You can reschedule the trip when your brother is able to go too because after all of what’s going on in his life, he will need the escape.
Plus putting it on hold lets you and your sister be there for your brother when he really needs you. The partner is being selfish and only hears the word vacation that he invited himself on. Be a good sibling for your brother and maybe take back that invite if the partner wants to keep being dramatic about your vacation.” lil-peanutbutter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he wants to go on the trip so bad, he and his partner can go. If you want to stay and support your brother, then stay and support him. By the way: if your parents are still alive, then your brother is not only coping with the loss of his friends’ parents, but the idea that his (& your) parents aren’t immortal. If your parents have already passed, then it’s probably a reminder & bringing up feelings for him all over again.
Either way, it’s hard to process those feelings, especially if you’re unaware of why they’re hitting you so hard. Your brother needs a lot more support than you think.” rtgd_mmm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because you postponed the siblings’ trip doesn’t mean they can’t go somewhere on their own.
UNLESS you are bankrolling the trip then it all makes perfect sense. He’s mad he doesn’t get to mooch a vacation. I would seriously text him back that you are not stopping them from doing something on their own if the vacation days have already been arranged with work.
The omg you are weak because life changed your plans shows he’s an immature narcissist in the making if he isn’t already. I somewhat expect this behaviour from a young child who doesn’t understand how life works yet, though the child wouldn’t call someone weak and probably would get it better with a little bit of talking about it.
There’s no fixing an adult like this. Expressing disappointment at the cancellation of the trip would have been okay but this was beyond.
I would send a screenshot of the text to your sister and state you are simply confused at this reaction. But think about it carefully first because she is either going to do one of two things double down and make you the bad guy or she may see him in a new light.
Unfortunately the first is far more likely. I would also advise simply ignoring him completely and communicating with your sister only if he sends hostile messages. If she brings it up that he can’t communicate with you send her the screenshots and take those screenshots now so they are date stamped. Keep them somewhere in case you need to file for harassment.
Sends your bro hugs.” Riyukco
20. AITJ For Refusing To Speak To My Brother Until He Apologizes For Insulting My Mental Health?
“Sadly at the start of the year my nephew (my 33M brother’s son) was stillborn, this is obviously an unimaginable pain for a parent and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
The night after it happened he was drinking at our mum’s house and texted me saying he’s going to drink the bottle of booze I left there but he’ll buy me one back/give me the cash for it,
A little background. Every time I’ve left any sort of booze in my mum’s house he’s drank it and said the same, but I’ve never gotten it back, I said okay however, his son just died I’m not going to refuse him.
Fast forward 3 months, I was getting ready to go to a friend’s house for some drinks and I texted him asking if it would be possible for him to give me a bottle back tonight, but if he couldn’t then that’s okay I’ll get it another time.
He texted back with extreme hostility, telling me to “not text him about owing me anything ever again” and called me selfish for asking for it back after his son had passed the night before he drank it. I said I gave him some time before I asked for it back for that reason and he just told me to leave him alone.
Fast forward a few weeks and I went to watch a movie with my twin sister (21f), he was in the kitchen and I walked in to give my mum some brownies and left, after I left the kitchen he slammed the door shut, and started shouting about how I was rude and didn’t even say hi to him.
He continued shouting abuse about me for the next hour and a half, the thing that got me the most was that he shouted that I’m full of nonsense about being depressed, had taken time off work for no reason, and just want everyone to tiptoe around me.
This really hurt my feelings as mental health has been something I have really struggled with since being diagnosed with depression in early 2020. I cried and left.
It’s been a few months and I still can’t see him without some sort of hostility or rude comments.
I won a free party and decided to use it for a charity (SANDS) that aids families going through the loss of a child in memory of my nephew. He reached out and tried to speak to me but I said I won’t be speaking to him without an apology for what he said.
He refused to apologise for saying things he truly believes and I said that’s fine but I won’t be speaking to you. He can come to the fundraiser of course I just won’t be interacting with him. Some of my family have told me I need to just let it go since I’m holding this fundraiser and I’m being petty but I refuse to speak to someone who hurt my feelings like that and just refuses to apologize.
I feel bad because I caused it by asking for the booze back, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… OP, I think your brother might be struggling with drinking, and with the loss of his son, it might just get worse. What you’re doing is commendable, you don’t have to talk to him to do this fundraiser.
Moreover, you DID NOT cause this by asking for your booze back. He shouldn’t take your things without asking, he shouldn’t take things he can’t replace. You aren’t being petty, you’re being firm on your boundaries. Don’t compromise your well-being for others.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I think you should’ve just let the booze go and given it to him as a condolence “gift” unless it was like $200. Even then, you can’t put a price on what he went through so I take that back. If the previous bottles bugged you, you should’ve brought them up earlier.
But how he treated you afterward makes him a jerk too. Your mental health is not a joke or “excuse” to take off work. Good for you for hosting that fundraiser in his honor. I think you both need to apologize and maybe you can extend an olive branch first about the booze?
If he doesn’t reciprocate, that’s on him and his jerk side and you can avoid him, knowing you’ve done your part.” Blonde-Engineer-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but let me share my story. My brother went through a difficult time in his late teens.
I was a year younger than him. He stole money, booze, and small stuff from me. For months I didn’t speak to him. He then died suddenly in a car accident at age 21. I regret how I treated him. I wish I’d been more compassionate and tried to understand what he was going through.
It wasn’t until after he passed that I knew the extent of what he was dealing with. Don’t get hung up on apologies. Try to be compassionate. You never know when they’ll be gone.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Not Inviting My Cousins To My Wedding Due To Past Family Disputes?
“I (23F) am not inviting my cousins to my wedding. This is because of a family dispute that happened and they ended up throwing my grandma out of the house.
Words were exchanged and everyone went their ways. Now it’s been about 1 or 2 years and my mom is making amends with them and is trying her hardest for me to accept them back into my life. This is something that I refuse to do because of other previous actions, and I just prefer not to be involved with people like that.
Anyways, so today my mom came over and RSVPs went out for my wedding but I only invited my aunt (not my uncle because he encouraged what his daughters did). My mom was saying that I should reconsider and invite them and then called my aunt.
My aunt then asked why my cousins were not invited and that it was wrong because she wanted to take her grandkids and there was no way she could take them without their moms. She said that with what face is she going to tell her daughters that they are not invited?
Trying not hurt my aunt’s feeling I said that I simply do not have enough space. My aunt told me to uninvite friends because family comes first. I told her I can’t do that. The call ended a couple of minutes later with my aunt saying she didn’t know if she will go, to which I said I understood if she didn’t.
My mom then started crying saying she raised me to be better and that it was embarrassing that her nieces were not invited. Said she will have to apologize for my behavior. Told me I needed to move on. I told her that I have moved on and that moving on and forgiving doesn’t mean I want to have a relationship with them.
I told her, what happened, happened and their actions had their consequences. In this case, the consequence is that I decided that I don’t want them to be part of my life and I don’t want to be associated with them due to the many things that have happened over the years.
Thus resulting in them not being invited in anything I host really (which is not many things). If my aunt hosts or a family member hosts and they are there I act cordial and respond to any questions they ask. I simply don’t go out of my way to make a conversation with them.
In the end, my mom left crying and said that she might not go and she would have to reconsider. I told her I understood and that if she decided not to go I understood.
Now I feel like a jerk because I know I’m hurting my aunt and my mom, but I don’t want to invite people that I don’t want at my wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ .. but honey stop second guessing yourself. Your mom had no right to try and make you feel guilty about YOUR WEDDING… repeat that, please. YOUR WEDDING. Yours. Not your mom’s or aunt’s. YOURS. The celebration of you starting your life with your partner…You should be surrounded by family and friends who want to celebrate this wonderful happening with you.
This IS NOT A CHANCE FOR MOMS TO SCORE FORGIVENESS POINTS. Or force some kind of reconciliation. If you do not want them there then they do not need to be there..foot down; end of story; drop curtain. Now shine up your spine and stand tall..
do not let your mom guilt you into anything. JUST KEEP REPEATING. THIS IS YOUR WEDDING. YOUR WEDDING.” SeamStressed1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was a long time ago but I was adamant that I would not invite people that I didn’t want to my wedding.
My parents finally got that I wasn’t changing my mind no matter how much they talked. I told them that I had no problem with them telling anyone who had anything to say that it was my wedding and my guest list. There was nothing to discuss.
I have had absolutely no regrets, not even a little. Anyway, my point is that you can and should choose who you want to share on your wedding day.” uTop-Artichoke5020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your mother is manipulative. Does she consider her nieces more than her own daughter?
Your wedding should be more important to her and if she decides to not come just to be well seen by her nieces, she shouldn’t be part of your life. Your wedding, your list: the ones you invite are, in fact, the ones you’re supposed to have in your life, the ones who will be there for you in the future.
These people showed their real faces and you know you don’t want them around you for the next years. If your mother is ok to let them be in her life, good for her. What about your fiancé? What does he/she think about that situation?” Lyzab77
18. AITJ For Not Spending More Time At Home With My Lonely Mom?
“My mom and I tend to argue every other week about how I don’t spend enough time with her. I’m in college and we live together, she’s been single for a while now and I know she’s lonely but she expects me to be home more than I’m able to.
She gets mad that my partner and I don’t spend a lot of time at my house but I don’t know anyone my age that sits around the house with their parents like that.
She told me she fixed up our house and there’s no one to enjoy it and most nights she’s there alone… which of course makes me feel bad.
But at the same time, I feel like I’m being guilt-tripped into spending more time with her when she also throws in my face that she’s the only parent who takes care of me (pays my bills). She says I don’t hold my father accountable for that and I just don’t feel like that’s my place and I shouldn’t be having what she does for me thrown in my face.
She says she does it out of love but it’s constantly thrown in my face. She makes me feel guilty about how I spend my free time outside of school and work. She has everything negative to say about my father and how he “abandoned me”.
But he shows more emotional support for me than financial which I’m completely fine with because I don’t think he’s in the place to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult and cannot be expected to still hang at home like a teenager.
She has to learn how to take care of her own social life/hobbies that she can invest in. You’re not there to fulfill all her needs. My own mother was this way, but also an extreme narcissist so I was made to feel guilty over living life.
You’re not a bad person or selfish for wanting to live your own life and not hang out with your mom every day at the age of 22. She needs to deal.” GottaKnowYourCKN
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re an adult and your mum can’t control you being at home all the time.
Even if you were there with your partner, why would she want to third-wheel that? She is probably lonely and misses your company but it isn’t normal for her to make such a fuss about it. I was super close with my mum in my early teens after my parents separated but I would also spend loads of time with my partner/s at the time, leaving my mum home alone.
The tables turned when I grew up and she got remarried, now I’m the one wanting my mum to come over lol. Have an honest conversation with her about how this makes you feel and listen to her and how she feels too. Tell her you don’t appreciate her bad-mouthing your father and that you don’t want to hear it.
Set some boundaries and try to understand each other.” Overdress_n_stress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I think it’s worth trying to explain that the more she pushes, the less time you do want to spend with her and you’d feel more comfortable there if she weren’t pressuring her.
Then use positive and negative reinforcement techniques to help make it stick. Spend more time with her when she’s not demanding and leave when she is. And if she’s lonely, consider helping her find things she can do to meet other people her own age.
My own mom was a SAHM and didn’t have a lot of friends to talk to. When she started taking art classes, it changed her life and she met lots of friends in her classes and would sometimes go to art conventions and do other activities that helped her lead a more fulfilling life.
You can even offer to go with her to a cooking class, wine tasting, art thing, whatever she might like, to get her started.” AuroraBlue6
17. AITJ For Resigning From My Overworking Job Without Notice?
“I have been working at this place for only two months and have another offer for the same pay but better hours but I need to know am I the jerk???
I started the job here and was offered the same salary as my previous job.
I accepted as I was working with my ex-wife at my previous job (she left me for my best friend).
So I start this job with an understanding of 8 am to 5 pm 5 days a week. This never happened. I have been working 66 odd hours a week for the past two months and do not get overtime and barely get time off.
When I do take my day off I get bombarded with messages over things that are not right at the premises.
Yesterday was my off day but I was also sick as a dog with stomach flu. I was berated for not coming in because the girl who was supposed to work didn’t.
I am a “manager” but it feels like I am a scapegoat and always have to make a plan when something isn’t to their liking. I come in for events and have to stay till 2 am sometimes which was never part of the discussion.
So today I let my boss know I will be resigning and as I am in my trial period I want to leave by month end which is Wednesday.
Two days from now.
She has asked me to stay as they are in Italy and has been slightly condescending about me leaving. I was professional in my resignation letter and very friendly.
Am I the jerk for wanting to leave at the end of the month as I know I will not get paid for the extra days or hours I have put in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m all for leaving on good terms but you owe them nothing. They are making you work overtime and berating you for being sick because someone else didn’t show up? That is literally not your problem. You. Are. Sick. Maybe they should cut their trip to Italy short if you know, people’s time off isn’t that valuable.” MissIllusion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if you are in the US, file a complaint with the government after you leave. You’d be doing a favor to people who work there in the future, and you might get some back pay. That employer isn’t paying its hourly employees in a legal manner, under Federal law.” excoriator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. It is not your fault the department is poorly managed. Your boss should hire more people so you have a reasonable workload. You get sick and everything goes to heck? That is a staffing problem. 2. Loyalty beyond the payroll transaction is reciprocated when there are benefits beyond the payroll transaction, such as a supportive environment, integrity, etc. Your company seems to be bereft of such qualities, therefore they get no extension of loyalty.
3. If managers are not prepared to handle departures that is a competency issue on their side. Good luck with your new job! Forget ’em” ChaoticCapricorn
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Birthday Cake To My Coworkers?
“I (16f) just had my birthday yesterday. We picked 2 Dairy Queen ice cream cakes because there would be a lot of people having cake.
It turned out that not everyone would be having cake so we finished one cake and had only a slice taken out of the second cake.
Today I went outside to talk to my family and my dad asked me how big the freezers are at work.
I told him and asked him why he was asking me, and my stepmom said “We thought you should give away your cake to your coworkers tomorrow.” I asked why we couldn’t keep it and they said they didn’t want it still here when we go on a trip in a week.
I told them I could bring it to my mom’s house and my stepmom started to make passive-aggressive comments towards me that it wasn’t my birthday anymore so I didn’t get to be a diva.
I got upset and said I would not be taking it to work because I knew I would not get any of it.
I got up to leave and got scolded for leaving. My whole family started to talk when they thought I left. They all think I’m being a jerk by not bringing it to work. But it’s my cake that I chose and I want to eat it.
AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got TWO CAKES for your birthday so, yes, the second cake IS actually for you. Your dad is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. It is YOUR cake to do with as you wish. You don’t HAVE to share it.
If you want to sit down tonight and EAT THE WHOLE THING YOURSELF, that is your right.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know people who give away most of the sweets they get because they have some eating disorders and can’t have too many foods like that in the house.
It’s too tempting for them to binge eat it all. Sometimes the parents do it so that the kids don’t binge eat it and get fat. I say that is nonsense though, as it’s your birthday cake and you should be free to do what you want with it.” dajur1
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. That’s your cake and you should get to eat it however and whenever you want. You have no obligation to your coworkers to give them your cake.” savingsanitynotmoney
15. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mother-In-Law's Comments About My Weight And Food Obsession?
“I am 15 weeks pregnant. My partner and I planned on moving in together after we had a recent bed bug incident that had been neglected for 5 months by our entire building site manager.
We got it right before it got bad but now we are all good. Thankfully we have a place lined up for us within the next couple of weeks or so.
Anyway, my mother-in-law knows my dream occupation is to be a sous-chef. I have always been a bigger woman and sometimes she says things without thinking.
For instance last summer I told her I was going to buy a bikini, and she snorted and asked “are you serious?? You in a bikini??” I yelled at her and my partner called her out.
Well, today we do our usual routine of stopping at her place to do our laundry and she hands me these catalogs that she’s been getting.
I’m sifting through reading an article about how wine is bad for your brain but good for your heart, and she tells me not to do it while I’m there. I told her I’m sorry I just like trying to find healthy recipes in the books.
In a very rude tone she says, “Is that really all you think about is food!? Because if so that’s really sad.” I immediately shut down and had to pretend I was okay. I wanted to cry. That stung awful bad…
Her micro-aggressions towards me and my body hurt so badly, especially because I’ve already lost 40 lbs.
I know she loves me and grew up in a different generation but that is not okay to say to me. Am I being too sensitive and AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother-in-law is a bully. If you want to shut someone like this down, next time she says something like “why would you wear a bikini?” You say, “because I want to, does that bother you?” If she says “yes” continue by asking “why?
Were you taught to be ashamed of your body? That’s sad.” When she says “all you think about is food.” Reply, “yes, I enjoy food, does that bother you?” And if she replies with a yes, ask her why. And keep asking her why until she fully explains her problem with it.
Most bullies hate having to give reasons for being a bully and end up making themselves look stupid. Call her out often enough, she’ll stop. Also anytime she says anything that is rude, look her dead in the eye and ask “Did that make you feel better about yourself?” You deserve to be treated with respect, I hope you get it.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That isn’t love. Hurtful, judgmental comments are still hurtful. The “grew up in another era” is an excuse for people to try to get out of having to learn emotional intelligence. She sounds like she has her own hangups and problematic relationships with food and judges others for not being like her.
Be yourself, enjoy what you like, and don’t let her talk to you like that. Because that isn’t love. That’s not even judgment under a veneer of concern, that’s just nastiness. You’re not overly sensitive. You have a right to your feelings.” Just_A_Sad_Unicorn
Another User Comments:
“Oh my God no op, you are NTJ and you’re certainly not oversensitive! Please don’t fall into the “it’s your pregnancy hormones” trap! It’s not okay to say nonsense like that to anybody, regardless of what generation, era, culture, etc. they come from.
Honey, you need to talk to your partner and ask how he plans on handling this because if he doesn’t, you need to. You simply should not put up with being talked down to like that. In any case, I wish you good luck with your pregnancy and hope you are healthy and have a beautiful healthy baby.” Jovon35
14. AITJ For Not Giving My Ex Our Old Baby Stuff For His New Child?
“I (33f) was with my ex (35m) for about 8 years. We share a daughter together. For some background, the last year has been a difficult one.
We broke up after he snuck out on a cycling holiday when I was due to go away with a friend. Stupidly started seeing him again, I had insisted that we go slowly. We were putting away some cash to go on holiday as a family which he ended up taking out of my flat and blowing in a club.
So we fully ended about 2 months ago.
Now it turns out he’s going to be a father again. From what I can gather the woman is past the 12-week mark. When I was dropping off my daughter for the weekend he mentioned the pregnancy and whether he could have the baby stuff I had from when our daughter was little (that we were saving for a potential second).
I told him he’s welcome to take anything that he bought – which is the grand total of a novelty baby grow and a hat.
Obviously, now I don’t need the stuff and I don’t know if I’m being petty but I told him no absolutely not.
He hasn’t even seemed to acknowledge the fact that he got her pregnant when we were trying to get back together but that’s a battle I just can’t get the energy to fight.
My ex-mother-in-law has remained pretty neutral and I have a pretty good relationship with her but she’s been putting a bit of pressure on me to give him the stuff.
AITJ for not even considering passing the baby stuff onto him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He has a lot of nerve to even ask. Plus you may still have another child and you’ll need that stuff. Besides if he can blow money on the club he can buy a stroller, clothes, and all the other stuff he needs for this child.
He just wants it for free so he can spend his money on his wants.” elladee000
Another User Comments:
“Going with NTJ just because he sounds like a jerk, but it depends on who purchased the items. If it was you as a couple, or they were gifted to you as a couple then you become a jerk, because he has as much right to use them as you do.
If you purchased them yourself, or they were gifted to just you, then you are in the clear.” UKNZ007Tubbs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you owe your child a healthy co-parenting relationship, you owe him nothing. At all, not even a response to that question if he asks again.
I would recommend speaking with a counselor in the future to work on how his treatment of you over the course of the relationship could impact you going forward with healthy boundaries with him. I know this is a one-sided situation/story, but you sound like you’ve been through some stuff and need to focus on yourself first, your child second.
If you aren’t 100% you can’t care for your child. Good luck!” JanaleeJones
13. AITJ For Revoking My Sister's Permission To Use My Photos In Her Lectures?
“One of my (28M) hobbies is photography and when I go out I’ll take pictures (nature, city, animals, a bit of everything). Nothing serious and I don’t want to make any money from it, but I just enjoy it and occasionally get some photos that I really like, and I’ll send them to my friends or parents (60s) and sister (27F).
At some point, my parents asked if they could share them, and I said I didn’t want them posted online, but they could show any of them to others in person (say, if friends came over), plus a few specific ones they could print and send in Christmas cards.
My sister is a graduate student who is teaching a few classes and asked me if she could use some of the photos in her lecture slides. I told her the same thing, that she could show them in slides but not distribute them online, which she said was fine.
But last week she later mentioned that she put up all her course materials available for download, at which point I said she had to remove all my photos from the slides if she was going to do that and she no longer had permission to use them.
She got really angry, saying that it wasn’t fair to her students to not make them available for everyone since some might not have seen them the first time and the students wouldn’t distribute them further. All of this is for free of course, and I have no idea how they are used or attributed, where they are hosted, or whether or not students will actually share or distribute them.
My mom agrees with me and thinks she should have asked or just not used them, but my dad says that it’s not fair to her or the students to revoke my permission to use them (which I never granted in that way).
AITJ for telling my sister to remove my photos and not letting her use them in the future?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your dad has a bizarre idea of fair – You made clear before giving the pictures to Sis that you withheld rights to online use. She put them online anyway. Her assurance that her students wouldn’t distribute them further is laughable in the face of her own actions.
If the material has been online for more than 20 minutes, the cat’s out of the bag on these ones. Whether you do this for money or not, your photos are your intellectual property, your dad is basically saying it’s “unfair” to ask for stolen property back.
I see where Sis gets it from.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t need to have a valid reason to request them not to be distributed, that’s quite literally a right you have under copyright law. When you take a photograph, that intellectual property is yours.
This means you hold exclusive rights for distribution. Basically, copyright law says that when you take a photograph, you become the copyright owner of the image created. This means you hold exclusive rights to:
- Reproduce the photograph
- Display the image in a public space
- Distribute the photo
- Create derivatives of the image they are your images and therefore copyrighted to you.
While you have these rights in mind keep note that she still can be protected to share these for educational purposes under fair use. But overall, just know these rights are still for you to remember in future issues if you find redistribution of your photos to be a genuine concern, and want to avoid conflict with the public unlawfully sharing your images for other reasons unbeknownst to you, I’d recommend registering a copyright for your photography even if you don’t label it a profession.
It’s a hobby that you’re obviously somewhat passionate about.” Additional_Refuse_46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ overall. Your sister has a point with the students, though. As a student with multiple disabilities, I use professor-provided slides when I can to help me take notes so I can focus on learning and not on trying to get slide info down, especially due to math and science classes being hard to keep up with typing.
I rely on those slides to be available when a professor states they will be because I am forced to change how I focus/take notes in the classroom. I also have to sign paperwork stating I won’t share materials or recordings (I also get this accommodation) that I get as a result of accommodations.
I can’t even share digital textbooks easily. I have to purchase sometimes physical books too otherwise, publishers won’t give me an accessible book. Totally understand your stuff not wanting to be shared like that though. I just want you OP to understand how that demand could end up hurting some students if it takes more time away from having slide access.
However, any respectful college tech support should be able to help make it a quick process. Next time consider a contract. She may only show the photos in the classroom and share that slideshow with students with documented disabilities as-is (please?), but not be allowed to put the photos into the course.” Bookworm3616
12. AITJ For Telling My Kid Not To Splash Me Due To My Sensitivity To Water?
“I’m 25 and neurodivergent. I am sensitive to certain tactile sensations, one of those being water on my clothes or even a wet swimsuit against my skin.
I don’t know why it bothers me so much but it just does, although it doesn’t keep me from doing what I have to do.
I have a 3.5-year-old kid. They love water and in the summer we spend time at splash parks, the lake near our house, and rivers.
I am that parent who lurks at the edge of the water with a laser focus on their kid, even if they are just knee-deep, which is usually the case. They like to just splash around, dump buckets of water on the sand, and such.
I am always fully prepared to dive into the water if they, or any other kid I can see, need help.
While at a splash park recently, I was standing nearby while my kid filled and dumped a bucket on the ground. They came running over to me with the bucket full and I quickly and gently held them at arm’s length to keep them from dumping it on me and said “I don’t like being wet but you can dump the water on the grass or the ground.” This happens now and then and I try to keep it casual in my response.
They went off and kept playing happily. My younger sister (22) said I was being way too uptight and keeping her from having fun with me. AITJ for telling my kid not to splash me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – neurodivergent or not, boundaries are important for people in general to learn.
Teaching kids to understand your own boundaries can help them possibly express their own so you can help support them mutually. Your sister doesn’t have to agree with your parenting, but boundaries are not being uptight. Uptight is no exception beyond what is responsible, and you expressed you had the ability to put them aside.
But with the same logic, it’s not too much to have a boundary in the first place. Fellow neurodivergent person here and I completely get the sensation issue, the closest I get that we share are wet socks and rained clothes (makes me itch, even thinking about it!) You handled your kid absolutely fine in my opinion.
You explained yourself and redirected the behavior without causing stress to the kid. That’s all they really need! You’re not trying to stop their fun after all, just did a small action to let everyone have a good time!” theKTgurl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you don’t like to be splashed with water, there is absolutely nothing wrong with telling your child not to splash you.
It’s a healthy thing to do, it’s good parenting because you are teaching your children to respect boundaries and respecting wishes. It’s a stepping stone into the concept of “consent”. It teaches your child that if they tell someone to stop doing something they don’t like, the other person needs to stop.” Traditional-Oil5881
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mum does not like being in the water (outside of a bath/shower) and especially does not like her face being underwater. Like you, she would, and once did, leap in if one of us was in difficulty in the water, but she made it calmly and politely clear that if we didn’t need her to be wet, we did not get her wet.
She also made it clear that it was her thing not ours and we’ve always been fine with her limits. It sounds like you handled it really well.” Hatstand82
11. AITJ For Leaving My Husband In The US Due To Health Issues And Not Returning?
“I (30f) met my husband (34m) online. After talking for about a year, I met him during vacation. We visited each other over the next 3 years. Then I decided to take a sabbatical and stay with him for a year.
During that year, we got married. We got along great, but I also figured out that he has a drinking problem.
Well, after about 4 years I got some health issues, and since I didn’t have healthcare in the US, I decided to go back to Europe, to figure this out.
The problem being, that testing and meds, were way too expensive in the US. The issue is, during the same time, my FIL was diagnosed with cancer and his health was going down quickly. Still, I left, to get my own problems checked out. Thinking I might be gone for 6 months or so.
Sadly his dad died, a short while after I left and I couldn’t be there.
Well, it turns out that my health issues are more serious than I thought, I need regular check-ups and medication. The trouble is, there is no way for me to afford this in the US.
Meds alone would be about $750-$1000 a month.
So I had to call my husband and tell him that I couldn’t come back. He doesn’t seem to be able to understand my situation.
I asked him to move to Europe for me, but he just won’t, finding excuses.
And always coming back to tell me I should just return to him. And he would figure out the money issue. Sadly I know that there is just no way to do so, because even right now he is asking me for $$ to help him out, now and again.
So if I’d go back, and not have a job over there, paying for my health issues, would be the least of our problems.
I just can’t get over the fact that he would rather jeopardize my health than move. I miss him but it’s hard and it’s now 2 years we haven’t seen each other.
AITJ for leaving and not going back as planned?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: I’m leaning towards NTJ. But all these questions popped up. Has he visited you in Europe? Has he ever traveled for you in your 4 year relationship history? Does he have valid reason/reasons for not leaving the US?
What kind of health insurance does he have and why doesn’t that cover you? Why can’t you get a job with health insurance in the US? I know the US medical system is more expensive and harder to navigate than most of Europe. But there seems to be a lot of info left out.” otterknowbeter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You really had no choice on the time you left… You didn’t know your FIL would pass away shortly after you left so there was no way of preventing that. Besides, it’s a medical emergency and you could’ve gotten so much worse in the time of waiting.
At first, I wanted to put no jerks here because I’m a firm believer that every reason is a valid reason to not move across the world, but that changed because you mentioned you haven’t seen him in 2 years. If he doesn’t want to move, he doesn’t have to, but he should at least have plans to visit every now and then.” zZombi__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your own health takes top priority. I don’t think he’s a jerk for being upset that you weren’t there to support him while his dad was sick, though, nor for not wanting to move to Europe with you. He specifically is the jerk for asking you to move back to the US, saying that you two will ‘figure out’ the money issue – which really means that he doesn’t care and you’ll have to figure it out.
Especially since he seemingly can’t even afford to live there by himself, without you and the accompanying health issues, given how he’s asked you for money multiple times.” RecommendsMalazan
10. AITJ For Refusing To Fully Pay For My Partner's Broken Sunglasses?
“I just got home from a junk boat party (if you don’t know that term, it’s a boat that fits about 30-40 people and you go out day drinking for about 8 hours).
I accidentally just sat on my partner’s sunglasses which cost about 500 USD. She hasn’t talked to me since. For context:
1. I told her yesterday that I’m not taking my expensive (prescription) sunglasses because I lost my last ones on a junk and a junk is prime time for glasses to get lost or broken.
I recommended she do the same
2. We knew beforehand that the weather wouldn’t be great and the sea would be choppy
3. She put her sunglasses on the bench where people sit. There’s a table right in front of the bench
4. I was about to sit down and I saw the sunglasses and tried to move them out of the way
5. The choppiness of the ocean threw me off balance and I fell onto the bench
The result was that I spun the fall into a turn and sat on and broke the glasses. I offered to pay 25% of the cost of new glasses and stated the reasons above.
She’s demanding I pay the full cost and refusing to talk to me until I do so. Neither of us is particularly wealthy so these glasses are a big chunk of income for both of us. She also broke a similar-priced pair herself a few weeks ago so these were her last pair.
So, AITJ for refusing to fully pay for a pair of new sunglasses?”
Another User Comments:
“Assuming that there is no self-justifying revisionism going on here, what you’re suggesting seems like a fair offer to make. You bear some responsibility for actually causing the damage, but she put the glasses at risk in the first place.
So NTJ. But is her position that this was a “preventable accident” (i.e. you were careless), or does she suspect that you were making a point or deliberately stuffing around? I don’t think you are the jerk, but I can see why from her perspective she might think you are.
Do you want to be right, or do you want to keep the partner?” -Aspinwall-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You specifically warned her about the risk of bringing them with her. She brought them knowing the risk. Then, instead of being extra vigilant to make sure they were in a safe place where she could keep them safe and accounted for, she placed them somewhere where people sit, on a boat, where balance is wonky to begin with, and then additionally, everyone is wasted. You even tried your best to avoid sitting on them and unfortunately despite your best efforts were unable to avoid sitting on them.
You gave her warnings, but she ignored them completely and brought an unreasonably expensive pair. I highly doubt that’s the only pair of sunglasses she has, most girls have several pairs, some cheap some pricey. So not only did she ignore your warnings and bring sunglasses that cost as much as an iPad Air, but continued to act in a way that directly contradicted your advice about this exact thing happening.
It was incredibly generous of you to offer 25% of the cost as it is. If your relationship is worth less than those glasses, looks like you dodged a bullet and should get out now.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“If she is not particularly wealthy and she is going around buying expensive glasses and breaking them, buying new ones then leaving them on a seat instead of her purse, her head, or anywhere else safer than a seat where people SIT, then I don’t know about her.
Seems irresponsible to spend what I assume is about $1,000 on glasses that you are careless with. I can see why she is upset that she’s out $1,000 and has nothing to show for it but that was not your fault. Surely if they were some $80 Ray Bans this wouldn’t be a fight, you get her new ones, done deal. Even though it still was irresponsible to leave them on a seat.
I do not think you are responsible to pay full price. Maybe half. But more importantly I wonder if this whole thing has opened your eyes a little about the kind or person she is and if that’s what you want in a partner.
I am well off and I do not own any $500 glasses, and I actually have some cute Ray Bans that I love that are almost 10 years old (I have others but what I’m saying is glasses should last, it’s possible to not break and loose things like glasses).
I am assuming it’s a designer brand and it’s one of those “look, I’m rich” attempts which is clearly problematic since she’s not actually rich and doesn’t know how to take care of nice things. I would just consider all this if I were you.
It’s not just about the glasses. NTJ.” Oreo_Mochi
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter To Meet Her Half-Sister From My Ex-Husband's Affair?
“When I (40) was pregnant with my daughter (7) my then husband (50) was being unfaithful to me with his secretary (I think she’s 27 now). After I found out we tried to make it work but it came out that she was pregnant, we split and they got engaged but never got married for reasons I don’t know and broke up.
I was able to avoid my ex and his baby mama for a couple of years but recently I was at the store and ran into the baby mama. We made small talk but then she asked me if we could set up a date for the girls to meet.
I was taken aback and asked what she meant by that and she said her daughter has been asking to meet her sister. I said I was sorry to hear that but I don’t want them to meet. She asked why and I said she and her daughter are a part of our old life.
I need to move on. I don’t want my daughter getting attached. We went back and forth some then and once I’d had enough I said goodbye and left.
I’m planning on moving me and my daughter out of this town as soon as possible.
We don’t need anyone holding us back let alone my ex’s baby mama but when talking about the interaction with my mother she said I was being hurtful to the wrong people. When I asked her to elaborate she said I was punishing both kids and the “young woman” for my ex’s actions.
Though I still stand by my decision it got me thinking.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter can always meet up with her half-sister later if she wants. But if you’re about to move or even just planning to move, it’s okay to want to keep her from getting too attached to a new sibling and then ripping her away from it.
That would be hurting both kids. That woman knew what she was doing as she was an adult and 100% complicit in their affair. She doesn’t need pity for she is the one who told her all about her sibling and got her hopes up in the first place.
Or was this dad’s fault? I will say that I think you should speak to your daughter about this because I guarantee she will hear from her father and you want to make sure she understands. At seven she is old enough to understand more than you think.” GeekynGlorious
Another User Comments:
“If you’re not hiding the fact that she has a half-sister or you’re not convincing your daughter she shouldn’t meet her, then NTJ. It’s a tough situation. From personal experience: my half-brother’s dad abandoned him before he was even born and had another kid with another woman just a year later.
My brother has 2 half-sisters from his dad’s side, a fact that my mom never hid from him or discouraged him from seeking a relationship with them. His dad on the other hand never told his daughters they had a brother and when they eventually found out in their 20s they basically disowned their dad.
So I would be very careful in your shoes, let your daughter know about her sister, and let her eventually decide on her own what she wants to do. It’s something only they can decide and you as parents shouldn’t even try to dictate their potential relationship.
It’s not the kid’s fault your ex was an unfaithful jerk.” Ninvemaer
Another User Comments:
“I’ve been in a position similar to yours. My ex and I had our second planned pregnancy. About a month after our daughter was born I found out my ex was emotionally being unfaithful with a barely legal. I told him he needed to stop talking to her otherwise it would get physical. He went straight to her house and physically was unfaithful.
I tried to work it out, went to couples counseling even. 2 months later I found out she was pregnant. He kept seeing her. The biggest difference is that she knew he was married and that we we just had a baby and he was trying to stay with me though.
However, she wanted a baby with him (likely knew I would end it then) so they could be a “happy family” (they weren’t). That is just to say, both my children live with their half-brother. They have a good relationship. I’ve had to make some changes to help accommodate that but it’s worth it for my children’s happiness.
I’m not saying you have to become best buds with the other woman but you shouldn’t prevent the two kids from having a relationship either. Regardless, NTJ.” RedHeaded_Scientist
You can stay butthurt about the end of your marriage if you want, but neither child is to blame and should not be made to suffer.
8. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Brother On Mother's Day To Focus On Schoolwork?
“I (16f) was very excited to get my mom (40f) a Mother’s Day gift this year because this is the first year I’ve actually had funds to get her something special. My relationship with my mom has been rocky due to her substance abuse and physical/psychological torment on me but I truly do my best to get along with her now and show her I love her.
She got pregnant a year ago and had my baby brother in November. He’s now 6 months old and getting bigger quite fast. I’m a sophomore in high school and I was pressured to take online classes so I can babysit. I watch my little brother 5 days a week for up to 12 hours a day.
I’ve been incredibly behind in school and even became truant. I’ve been working hard in school while babysitting and trying to maintain my mental health. But my mom never sees it as enough. If I don’t pick up the house (that she and my younger brother (13m) create all by themselves) I’m the first one to be questioned on why it’s not cleaned. My mom pays me 20 dollars a week to watch my little brother and makes me watch him on separate occasions like if she needs to get some items or if she’s doing her eyelash extensions etc. I barely scraped up enough funds to get her a good Mother’s Day gift.
In return, she didn’t even bother to touch it. Instead, she asked me to clean the house and watch my brother while she went out and did whatever. Although it’s Mother’s Day and to her, I HAVE to do everything for her, I declined because I needed to catch up on work.
Instead of understanding that I’m working on my school work to have acceptable grades, she became angry that I didn’t offer to babysit while she went out for hours. She then left the house with the baby and left me and my brother home alone for about 3-4 hours.
She texted me after she left to tell me to forget about Mother’s Day and to have fun playing “video games” because she didn’t believe I was actually doing work. I blew up on her and said I’m not her babysitter I’m her daughter.
She was completely shocked and hasn’t said anything after. I expressed how I felt about her constantly using me as a babysitter instead of acknowledging that I’m a teenager who deserves somewhat of a life.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because it’s Mother’s Day doesn’t make you her slave.
Why can’t your 13-year-old brother babysit? He’s old enough. You need to speak to your teachers about your grades, and the school needs to have a serious talk with your mother about how her making you babysit 12 hours a day is affecting your grades.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh sweetie, my heart breaks for you. You deserve so much more. It’s hard to face this, but your mom is mistreating you. It’s not your responsibility to take care of a baby when you are supposed to be in high school.
Do you have any family in the area you can go and stay with? You need to prioritize yourself because she will not. It’s not your job to be her co-parent and her live-in cleaning crew.” Maleficent_Ad407
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you have somewhere else you can stay?
You and your brother deserve so much better, I’d contact the authorities and make sure I have my birth certificate/social security card/passport, and anything else you can’t do without and put it in a backpack in case she tries to stop you from leaving.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Making My Son Replace His Step-Dad's Sodas He Took Without Asking?
“I have a 16-year-old son. My ex-husband and I split when he was 8. When he was 10 I met my now husband. We got married 3 years later. When we met, he told me he had glaucoma, which basically causes blindness.
Over time his eye condition has gotten worse and worse and now can barely see anything.
My husband likes to drink sodas a lot but has been noticing that they were going missing on multiple occasions. Once he had 4 left in a box and when he went to grab one, he said he felt only 2 in there.
This was the morning before my son left for school.
The night before I told him to clean his room so when he left for school I went to his room to see if it was clean. I saw a bunch of my husband’s soda cans in his room and confronted him when he got home.
I asked him if he had been taking without permission and he confessed to taking without permission but not that he did it. I told him that he needs to go to the store and get him more using his own money.
After my son came home with the sodas he went to his dad’s house for the weekend and I got a call from his dad asking why I made him buy my husband more sodas and I told him.
He was pretty upset because I made him buy more sodas for his stepdad with my son’s money and now I’m wondering if that was the right approach. Please put me in my place if I am wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Do you guys not share?
Does your son work? Do you give him an allowance? Is there a specific reason your husband needs soda to himself? I’m just confused about the notion of taking without permission in your own home, and a 16-year-old having to buy their own food.
I don’t think anyone’s necessarily right or wrong I’m just totally confused about the dynamic here. Could you explain more?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ imo. I always grew up with the understanding that whilst we could all help ourselves to the general food and drinks, if a particular bar of chocolate or fancy coffee (or soda ) belonged to someone specific, whether that be a parent or sibling, that wasn’t to be taken without asking.
Respecting each other’s stuff is an important lesson to learn. If I had done this, my parents would have asked me to replace it too.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my house we all have our own snacks/drinks too and some we share.
It’s worked for the most part because we all have stuff we like that we don’t want to share. If they want to try something that’s not theirs they have to ask and when they don’t it can be annoying. Also, I do the grocery shopping so all they would have to do is ask for it.
I think it’s fair that he had to go and replace them when all he had to do was ask so more can be bought.” CherryApple_Amazing
6. AITJ For Being Unsure About Baptizing My Future Children?
“I (24 f) am not a very religious person at all. I am in a relationship with someone who also isn’t very religious.
When I was younger, I would go to church with my family (not super often) and we didn’t really talk about religion much.
I did a local Youth Group in high school for the social aspect of it and making friends. Lately, my mom has been getting very into church and religion. Much more than when I was a kid. She doesn’t talk about it a ton but she always goes to church and reads from a special bible.
I am not pregnant nor will I be for a while. My mother and I were on the phone and she was complaining about someone not baptizing their kid. I wasn’t saying much about it (because it isn’t really my concern) so she paused and then asked “will you be baptizing your children?” I said “I’m not sure.
I don’t know.” She was quiet and said “well if I’m honest, you being unsure makes me feel like an awful mother. I’m going to cry. I have to go.” She quickly hung up the phone and we haven’t spoken since. (This is not paraphrased – this is exactly what was said.)
I truly don’t think I’m the jerk but I could be wrong and I’d like some advice. Now I don’t know what to say when she comes back and asks me “why” and “don’t you want your child to have salvation” and “it shouldn’t be a choice”.
HELP!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband’s parents are the same. Under no circumstances will any children I have be baptized. Ever. If I may offer a piece of advice – do not cater to her. You will be setting a precedent that, particularly just before a baby, would make your life difficult.
Give a mouse a cookie, and all that. Stick to your guns. She had her chance to be a mother and raise her child how she saw fit. Now it’s your turn! Or, will be.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, obviously. You were having a normal conversation – you didn’t realize you were having pivotal family values On Which Her Entire Parenting Rests conversation.
But as for the part where you ask for scripts… I got only one. Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be RIGHT? Because the only script where this doesn’t poison your interactions until you cut all contact or one of you dies is where when she brings it up again, you say you hadn’t thought too much about it and the question took you by surprise, but yeah, you realize it’s important and you will, and then you let her talk about why it’s important.
Because this reaction to ‘I don’t know’ (you didn’t even say no!) from a 24yo who isn’t even on the way to being pregnant is not leading up to a productive dialogue. I don’t even know how to guide you for if the actual day to organize a baptism or not comes.” poddy_fries
Another User Comments:
“So I am religious but I know good and well that baptism is just a ritual. Whether you are Catholic or Christian… Baptism isn’t what matters. I doubt you as parents will mind if your child grows up to be religious or not but that is their life… Not your mom’s.
If she is Catholic, she is saying that because she just wants the ceremony. If she is Christian then Baptism is YEARS down the road for a child. Ted Bundy wouldn’t go to heaven if he was baptized and a devout Christian won’t go to heck if they aren’t.” Plaid__Dad
(My child is not baptized because, guess what, i am not a supersitious primitive with imaginary friends and will absolutely NOT pander to this nonsense.)
5. AITJ For Using My BBQ Smoker For Long Hours In My New Terrace House?
“I’ve (30s) recently bought my first house, I’m on the middle terrace in a quiet family area. I’ve always been interested in smoking/BBQing, and now that I have my own place I bought an American-style BBQ smoker.
I’ve been watching shows and YouTube videos about it for years and have been really enjoying my new hobby.
Over the last 4 months, I’ve used my BBQ for a long smoke (around 7 hours) 4 times. The garden is quite small, about 5m x 9m and I usually have the BBQ quite close to the house.
My plan for this weekend was to smoke a brisket. I went out to start the BBQ at 8 am for a 10-hour smoke when my neighbour asked from over the fence how long I was planning on BBQing for. They mentioned that they wanted to have their windows open, that they’d just put some laundry out, and also said that our other neighbour had complained about the smell (this is the first I’m hearing of this).
I asked if I could start later and we agreed on 2 pm.
Around 2:15 pm I knocked at my neighbour’s door to let them know I was going to start cooking, that I’d reduce the cook time to 4 hours, and that I’d moved the BBQ to the back of the garden.
Their response was to tell me that they had looked up on the council website that I was not allowed to BBQ for more than 4 hours, I just said okay and I’ve now started my cook. (I haven’t been able to find anything to back their claim there is a council-enforced 4-hour limit BBQ limit.)
I feel I’ve done my due diligence by letting them know I was starting and checking their laundry had been taken in, AITJ for using my new BBQ?”
Another User Comments:
“The Americans in here don’t understand that most people in the UK hang their washing outside to dry rather than use a dryer.
We also have windows open as we don’t have air conditioning. If someone is smoking all day that stops them from doing washing all day which just isn’t reasonable. If they were just having a BBQ in the evening I’d be on their side. There may not be a law against it but I’m sure there’s not a law about playing Hanson on repeat all day either.
It’s about having respect for the people you live with. Especially in a terraced house where you are very close to your neighbours.” ResolveResident118
Another User Comments:
“As a fellow Brit… YTJ. Not only are you preventing them from accessing vital ventilation during the summer whereby we do not have air conditioning here, you are preventing them from cleaning their clothing which requires drying (and many people here cannot afford a dryer unit).
You are also not considering the smoke itself, rather than just the smell. There are people with respiratory conditions such as asthma, cystic fibrosis, COPD and so forth. With the NHS at breaking point, difficulties getting ambulances and delays in A&E services, your actions could cause neighbours with respiratory conditions to end up severely unwell and could even be fatal, with the smoke you are producing for prolonged periods of time.
You are new to the neighbourhood and starting off on the wrong foot by annoying your neighbours and preventing them from breathing, washing clothing and accessing cooler air for ventilation is not the right way to build a relationship with those who share your street with you.
You may need the neighbours in the future for something. You may need a neighbour to help jump-start your car if your battery is flat. You may need to build an extension or loft conversion and need their support where planning permission is concerned. You may get burgled someday and need to request footage from a Ring doorbell to show the police and the people next door could hold that information.
The neighbours would be well within their rights to not want to help you because you have not been considerate towards them at present.” majesticjewnicorn
Another User Comments:
“Sorry buddy, but YTJ. I’m from the UK, and constant smoke from one house in a row of terraced houses can be infuriating – the whole house smells of smoke, the washing smells of smoke.
It’s a nightmare. Once in a while, with notice? Fine. Constant slow and low – jerk move. Also, they’re right. You absolutely can get into legal trouble for BBQing if they complain to the council. I don’t know which council you’re under, but I’d check the local council website.
I’d give your neighbours’ notice in future, send over some of the smoked meat as an apology, and let them know that you’ve taken what they’ve said on board.” Brookiekathy
4. AITJ For Leaving My Ex-Coworker's Farm Early Because Of Her Son's Behavior?
“My (30sF) ex-coworker Irene (50sF) has a farm. She fosters dogs & runs a boarding business. Irene is divorcing Ted (he moved out). Their son Christian (40sM) lives with Irene. He is a felon with substance & mental health issues. Christian has a son Johnny (4yoM) with his ex Dolly (30sF).
The issue:
Irene called me. She said she had to see family & get docs for her divorce. She & Christian just had a fight & he was kicked out. She couldn’t trust him & asked me to watch the farm. I agreed for free if I could bring my dog T because he had a vet appointment nearby.
She agreed & said she’d give details later.
A week before her trip, Irene emailed. She had extra client dogs she hadn’t mentioned & booked 2 new ones too. This rubbed me the wrong way but I kept quiet because I knew it would be hard to find other boarding on short notice.
Irene also said Christian might be visiting to help. He gives me the ick, so I decided to politely refuse if he came by.
The morning of the trip, Christian was there. He said he & Johnny would be staying in the house with me.
I was dumbstruck, but both of them left before I could process or protest.
The workload was exhausting. There was no time to eat, drink, or go to the bathroom, & chores were endless. It was obvious I was the first person cleaning in ages.
Christian returned with Johnny & it got worse. Christian left dishes in the sink, laundry on the floor & in the washer until they mildewed. Johnny ran around unsupervised. He left stall doors open for animals to escape. He rode his quad along the fence, & rammed into it when the dogs barked. He screamed, kicked, & spit at my dog.
When I asked Christian to help, he would either say he was “just about to do it” or apologize with empty promises, then never do it. He took smoke breaks or watched TikTok or Netflix. He went out shopping or partying for hours. He bullied Dolly into doing his chores if she came by to visit Johnny & belittled her constantly.
Irene’s communication was short & sparse. She didn’t call until midway through the week. I told her Christian was slacking off but not to confront him right away. I didn’t want to risk retaliation. She seemed offended that I felt nervous.
I had enough & made a plan to leave.
The morning of T’s appointment, I packed the car & gave the animals extra care. I went to the vet & texted Irene & Christian that I wasn’t coming back & why. I blocked them on everything & came home to cry & sleep.
Now I’m feeling guilty for leaving the animals, even if it was only 2 days.
Some friends say I could have toughed it out, while others think it’s not abandonment since Christian is there. My husband is furious with Irene.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, if the facility was as filthy as you say, then your coworker definitely is.
And not just because of the lack of adequate cleaning. There is absolutely, positively no way that I’d stay in a house, essentially alone, with a mentally ill felon who gave me the ick. End of. The only times in my life that I’ve ever really had regrets about something is when I’ve gone against my gut.
You have that “gut instinct” for a reason. That’s you trying to keep yourself safe. The only time I’d ever suggest going against your gut is if it’s unavoidable…for example, if you need to go somewhere you aren’t supposed to be as part of trying to keep someone (such as an unruly teen) from doing permanent harm to themselves.
I would’ve done the same. And I would’ve felt bad about it. But you never should’ve been put in that position to begin with. You weren’t given all the info you needed to make the right choice until the last minute. Which is probably why she didn’t tell you.” ringwraith6
Another User Comments:
“I also feel terribly for the animals. Not because you “left” them because you really had no other option, but because (as you said) it was like no one had cleaned at all before you arrived. What state are those poor animals constantly in – living in that type of environment, especially with her son around?
I get feeling guilty but that is because you’re a good person. It isn’t your fault. Your kindness was taken advantage of (this type of thing has happened to me more times than I can count). Also, her son who is a felon with substance addiction and mental health issues and his kid staying with you alone?
No thank you. I would have been terrified to sleep. NTJ.” Mirewen15
Another User Comments:
“ESH – overall communication was poor, or non-existent, and expectations were completely unreasonable on both sides of this equation. You should have asked for compensation for your work, and she should have had the proper assistance or backup plan for trained individuals to run her business.
That said, the circumstances may not have been able to be helped. Additionally, if she was going on a trip she shouldn’t have booked extra clients when she knew she would be away from the business. While my position is you shouldn’t have left, as you gave your word, if you don’t plan on ever being friends with this person ever again you aren’t really losing anything by legging it out of there and blocking everyone.
In short, “No good deed goes unpunished” seems pretty apt here.” TheNamelessSlave
3. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Limit Her Consumption Of My Favorite Rare Tea?
“Like any family, we drink more than just water. My wife buys Crystal Light to put in all her water, buys those sugar-free carbonated ice drinks, currently has two Olipop sodas in the fridge, and some ginger ale.
I don’t like carbonated drinks, so I really just stick to water and tea. We buy liter bottles of a few Japanese tea drinks, as well as, when I can find it, a milk tea drink that is a relatively rare find. This is my favorite treat drink.
My wife has free rein of all the other drinks in the fridge including my tea but she gets very mad at me when I ask her to save the milk tea for me, though I’m not really enforcing any kind of hard rule and I always let her have a few sips when I get a glass if she doesn’t have one as well.
Today when I got home I could see she had a glass of it (she left it on the counter), and then just now she asked me to get her another glass of it. I said she’s drinking more of it than I am and she absolutely raked me over the coals for it, calling me selfish and a brat, that she likes it too, and that I can’t have it all to myself.
I feel like she has all these drinks and I really only have the teas, and one that we can’t stock with any kind of frequency that is my favorite soft drink. She has already drank about two to three times more of the tea in the carton than I have.
Am I being unreasonable about this or should she be more receptive to my requests?”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but gentle YTJ. It’s not her fault that you don’t like any other drinks, and you don’t get to punish her by restricting her access to something you both like because of it, which is exactly what you’re doing.
I get that it’s frustrating, like, TRULY I do – I’m autistic with a LOT of restrictive food issues so I COMPLETELY understand only liking a few things when everyone else seems to have endless choices, and absolutely cringing with they go for the one and only treat you genuinely enjoy and that’s hard to find, when it feels like they could just go have any one of the hundred other things they also like.
It can be incredibly annoying. And I have a ton of compassion for you.
But here’s the problem: even if your wife does like lots of other things, that milk tea may also be one of HER favorite treats. And because it’s hard to find, she gets to taste it just as rarely as you do.
No matter how many other things she normally drinks, it doesn’t make the milk tea ANY LESS OF A SPECIAL TREAT FOR HER, just like it is for you! All those other drinks are just her everyday things . . . just like water is for you. You BOTH deserve to enjoy a rare treat in equal measure.
What other foods you enjoy outside of that are really irrelevant. So yeah, I get that it feels frustrating, but you really can’t say to her, “You only get a few sips of something that you really like too.” She is just as entitled to that milk tea – to ANY treat you both enjoy – as you are.
I do suggest, however, that when you find it, you try to buy several bottles, knowing that you both enjoy it so much.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t gatekeeping, this is, “hey I haven’t gotten any yet, don’t drink it all!” or “you drank more than your fair share!” and “save some for me!” There’s nothing wrong with wanting a special treat for yourself.
I’d be upset if someone drank all my pepsi, even though I can find it easily in stores.” your-yogurt
Another User Comments:
“Seeing a lot of replies here that sounds more like you guys are ignoring the important facts of the situation… It’s hard to find this milk tea, he can’t just stock up on it… The fridge is riddled with drinks only she is drinking because he hates carbonated drinks!!!
That’s his fault and not her problem??? Stop acting like children and give the man the advice that helps the situation!! You and your wife need separate fridges or both buy your own milk tea from now on, stress to her she has like 7 other drinks you can not drink!!
It’s not fair for you to have nothing to drink. She is an adult who can buy her own milk tea. NTJ.” vegetajm
2. AITJ For Not Making A Special Meal For My Picky Cousin?
“We had dinner by my grandparents’ Sunday with my mom and aunt/uncle, cousins. I cooked and made semi-homemade pizza and garlic bread.
My cousin (17) isn’t allergic to anything but he’s picky as can be. Which is why I thought pizza was a safe bet, except I didn’t know he doesn’t eat pizza with veggies on it and there were green peppers and onions on it.
Then the garlic bread….
I made garlic butter with minced fresh garlic.
So when we sat down to dinner my cousin said “oh there’s veggies on it…. I don’t want any.” My grandpa said “just pick them off.” My cousin was like “ew I’ll still taste them.”
So I said “well there’s garlic bread and I have some tomato sauce left if you want to dip.” He said ok, and then when he was going to eat some he asked, “what’s the white stuff?” I said “minced garlic” and he said, “ew no thanks.”
My aunt asked if I made anything else and I said no. She said, “well usually when you make dinner for people you either make something everyone will eat or have something as a backup, like a pasta or something otherwise it’s rude to let a guest go hungry.”
My grandma offered to make him something, but my cousin said “no thanks ” and seemed mad or something.
Everyone else liked it but AITJ for not making a special meal for my cousin when he wouldn’t eat what I made.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Now that you know your cousin has all these issues, the next time you cook for him, of course make something without veggies.
But your aunt was not gracious and made the situation worse. Also, at 17, you think he could manage to suck it up or go make a peanut butter sandwich. You can definitely sort some of this out yourself by the age of 17. You are not the jerk in this situation.” IllustriousPomelo152
Another User Comments:
“In what world would you hear a teenager is a picky eater and assume green peppers are a safe bet? I mean, I get not wanting to cook a whole separate meal for the kid and the garlic bread bit was something you couldn’t reasonably predict, but bell peppers are a very strong flavor and you can’t pick them off without the taste lingering.
Peppers are such a commonly disliked food with picky children and teenagers that including them honestly makes me wonder if you wanted to make a point of not having a special meal while still being able to have the high ground of “pizza being a safe bet”.
If you’re cooking or ordering pizza as a “safe bet” you should always have at least part of a pizza be pepperoni and cheese. NTJ though, if you were just being stupid and not realizing this. You would be the jerk if the pizza bit was on purpose.
Obviously, I know you won’t own up to it to us if that’s the case, but you’ll know.” Kittenn1412
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my college roommate had a partner who would only eat white foods. I repeat A GROWN 20 YEAR OLD WOULD ONLY EAT WHITE FOOD.
I’m still mad 12 years later that I had to miss out on amazing sushi during a trip to Atlanta because Ian had to have plain pasta with butter. Your cousin is turning into an Ian and no one is going to like him. His mom is rude and enabling his behavior.
I can’t believe the entitlement of going to someone’s home for dinner and getting mad that two main courses weren’t served. Where are these people’s manners?!” Fuzzy_Valentine
1. AITJ For Working Hard While My Coworker Does Nothing?
“I (20M) work at a huge retail company as a sales associate. My coworker (21M) also works at the company.
My coworker’s brother is one of my closest friends and is the reason my coworker has the job. Even though we have a few similar interests, my coworker and I are exact opposites when it comes to work habits.
I like to work and get praised for my hard work while he likes to stand around doing nothing. This causes a lot of problems since we are tracked for our performance daily through email and membership sign-ups.
At work, I’m always pushing sales and helping whoever with what they’re looking for.
Not only my managers but other coworkers appreciate my hard work since I take a lot off their shoulders and am pretty quick to respond if they need help.
My coworker on the other hand prefers to do nothing and gives the excuse that the company is a billion-dollar company and that he doesn’t get paid to do the work I do.
Well, recently my manager came up and asked how we were doing and what we got in the day. I had a bunch of signups that day and when it was my coworker’s turn he said he got nothing even though it was a busy weekend.
This resulted in my manager lecturing him and using me as an example of what he should try to be more like.
Afterwards, my coworker just looked mad. I overheard the convo but pretended not to when I asked him what she said. He just ignored me for the rest of the shift.
He only works weekends so I don’t really care if he ignores me, but my friend asked about the situation and I explained it. He said I should wind down and that it doesn’t help when I go out of my way for a company that won’t care if I get fired or leave.
I understand that I may be overworking but I prefer to work than just stand around, especially during the weekends.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a good work ethic. You work hard because you want to, not because you get paid to.
I’m the same way. Management will notice this. It doesn’t matter who you work for….in the long run, hard work always pays off. It could be a promotion or a raise. Or a better opportunity somewhere else because your talents are recognized by a competitor.
So don’t slow down to make others look good. That will only hurt you. Set the example and if your coworkers don’t want to follow, that’s their problem.” Secret-Sample1683
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To put this another way, your work style is you like to keep moving so you don’t get bored and you desire praise.
As long as you don’t vest your identity in this company you’re okay, go run around as much as you want if that makes you feel good. He’s mad because this workplace views him based on productivity, and he’s not being very productive for their standards.
It sucks that your manager got you involved, but it also isn’t your problem. You’re doing what works for you, if he’s mad about it he can stay mad.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re squatting on the side of a company that would leave you jobless in the gutter without hesitation.
You say you’re bothered by him “standing around” when maybe that’s just your misplaced frustration over the fact that lazier coworkers than him take advantage of your work ethic and your tenacity by dumping their extra work on you. At least he’s not pawning his work off on you along with the rest of them.
He is not the one you should be mad at. Your other, work-deferring coworkers, and your boss who enables them and takes advantage of you, are the real jerks.” Quercus408
