People Seek Validation In Their Controversial "Am I The Jerk?" Dilemmas
18. AITJ For Not Making An Exception For My Nephew At My Child-Free Wedding?
“I (f, 33) am getting married come October to my fiance Derek. Wedding planning went okay but as soon as we started sending out invitations the problems began coming our way.
Thing is Derek and I decided the wedding would be child-free, it wasn’t out of the blue and this possibility was there.
I have a 42-year-old brother Paul who’s married but he and his wife suffered from several miscarriages and failed pregnancies during their marriage.
They finally were blessed with a son that everyone calls a miracle and a rainbow baby. My nephew is 4-yrs-old and everyone salutes him and treats him as a king and also turns a blind eye to any misbehaviors he has which cause him to become loud, destructive, out of control, and punish-less.
When Paul received the invitation and found out out kids weren’t included he and mom lost it and decided on an urgent meeting with me and Derek. Paul said “my son is an exception, right?” I said no and this rule is to be followed by everyone.
He argued that I was making a mistake by excluding my nephew. He and mom went on about how he’s a miracle since he’s their rainbow baby/grandbaby then Paul said he had no problem with my wedding being child-free but expects me to make an exception for his son.
He explicitly said “you can have your ‘child-free wedding’ but you’re gonna have to make an exception for my son and you know why”.
Derek apologized and said we won’t since our friends and my inlaws had kids too but now have to leave them home and arrange for babysitters and advised him to do the same.
Paul was offended and said if his son isn’t invited then he won’t come and gave us an ultimatum to drop out if we don’t edit his invitation. That caused my family to freak out because Paul is the only and oldest sibling I have and they said his presence at the wedding is a must.
I had an argument with mom and dad who said the fact I’m choosing this to be my hill to die on and treating Paul and my nephew like that was appalling. They emphasized how my nephew is special and I should be ashamed to exclude him even when the wedding is child-free.
My parents said if Paul won’t come they won’t come either which devastated me a lot and caused me to break down. Derek said they were the ones being unreasonable and disrespectful of our wedding and we should wait maybe they’ll come around eventually but they’ve doubled down.
This morning my aunt and uncle dropped out as well as my other uncle last week. Paul told everyone and they’re supporting him and won’t come unless I make an exception for my nephew but that will upset my guests and they’ll call me a hypocrite.
My family is divided saying I’m ruining my own wedding basically saying this is all on me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are not the one dying on this hill. Your brother is, and he’s involving the rest of the family.
If your family cares more about whether a 4-year-old gets to go to a wedding and/or reception (which, as the only child there, won’t be any fun for him) than they do about celebrating you and your new husband, then that will make the decision about which family to spend the holidays with that much easier.
You are not being malicious, you are making a decision about your guest list. Your wedding is about you and your fiancé; it is NOT about your nephew, or your brother and his wife. The fact that they are making it about them is absolutely shameful.” chiterkins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your hill to die on. Your SO family’s children are no less important to you than your nephew just because he was born following losses. Your wedding your rules. Let them miss it, you won’t regret it….
THEY will. Your family’s behavior is disgusting. To even think they can bully you into this and call emergency meetings. Fudge me! Also. What 4-year-old even wants to go to a wedding? I mean come on… You need to set firm boundaries and expectations now.
God forbid you ever have kids and your family treats them as less important because they weren’t born after losses. Congratulations on the wedding. Forget about them and enjoy starting your life with the man you love.” ThelmaHorse
Another User Comments:
“So, let me see if I got this right.
Your brother has a rainbow baby that farts rainbows and poops glitter. Plus, his rainbow baby is so much more special that he’s magical, does no wrong, listens, stays out from under foot, stays quiet, and is Mary Poppins perfect? You know what, nonsense.
His rainbow baby is the same as my rainbow baby. A child. Children do not always have to go where mom and dad go. You’re NTJ.” OldKindheartedness73
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Grandfather's Estranged Twins Into His Funeral To Protect My Grandmother?
“My grandfather passed away at the age of 97. 56 of those years were spent married to my grandmother (90f).
Before that, my grandfather had a first marriage to another woman, and from that union, a pair of twins, Steven and Shawn (both 77m), were born. My grandfather and his first wife divorced when the twins turned 18.
My grandfather met my grandmother 3 years after her divorce.
From the beginning of their relationship, neither of the twins accepted my grandmother. When my grandmother and grandfather got married, Steven and Shawn cut off permanent contact with my grandfather. He always made attempts to contact them, but the twins always rejected him.
My grandfather’s funeral was held yesterday. My grandmother was inconsolable and the whole family absolutely destroyed. I (19m) was in charge of, so to speak, the “door security”, as the funeral home did not provide one.
To my utter surprise, Steve and Shawn showed up at the funeral with ALL of their families (wives, children, and grandchildren).
Neither my family nor I know any of these people, except for the twins. They showed up and asked to please be allowed to come inside, but I didn’t let them pass since my grandmother was inside.
My reasoning is that
- The twins treated my grandmother horribly, and their absence tortured my grandfather all his life.
My grandmother also resents herself terribly, since she thinks she is the reason why the twins went no contact with grandpa. I know that if my grandma went to see the twins, she would be absolutely devastated.
- I don’t think that someone who hasn’t talked to my grandfather for more than half a century has the right to say goodbye to him.
I offered to call them when my grandma left the place so they could pay their respects, but they refused. I also told them that if they could wait a few hours until most of the people left, I would let them come in, but they refused anyway, they wanted to go inside now.
In the end, they ended up leaving the place incredibly angry and super mad at me since I wouldn’t budge.
Somehow the twin’s family found my social media, and now their children and grandchildren keep sending me messages about how I denied the twins the opportunity to “make up for their mistake” and say goodbye to “the person they love the most.”
My father and uncle thanked me for trying to protect my grandmother and they say they will defend me from anyone who speaks ill of my actions, but the messages from the twins’ family really cut deep into me and I feel like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“As much as they have some “right” to pay their respect to their father, say goodbye, etc., YOU OFFERED IT TO THEM. You didn’t offer it to them on their terms, but we don’t negotiate with t********s. You don’t sound like you were being spiteful or vindictive or anything, you were being protective of your elderly and distraught grandmother while also, somehow, remaining respectful to these people who you don’t really have any reason to respect.
Sounds like you handled this like a champ. NTJ.” Flyhro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Shawn and Steven made their feelings very clear much to the pain of your grandparents, and to your knowledge didn’t try to reconcile until after their father’s deathbed. On top of this, they brought a bunch of strangers to the funeral, three generations, so the emotional support argument isn’t strong.
“Somehow the twin’s family found my social media, and now their children and grandchildren keep sending me messages about how I denied the twins the opportunity to “make up for their mistake” and say goodbye to “the person they love the most.””
The flying monkeys don’t realize it was up to Steven and Shawn to reach out in their father’s lifetime or ignore this to defend family. If the twins wanted to make it up it needed to be to their father in life for it to be meaningful and heal rifts.
If they loved him, why the half-century no contact on their part?” ScorchieSong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You didn’t deny them entrance. You gave them an opportunity to come back later so it wouldn’t upset your grandmother or other family members, but they rejected it.
Their pride is what got in the way, much as it sounds like it did when your grandfather was alive. Sorry for your loss.” CandyEnvironmental95
16. AITJ For Spending My Birthday With My Biological Brother Instead Of My Stepbrother?
“My dad got married last year and for a while his wife’s kids have been living here too. I (16m) hate it to be honest cause there is no privacy, we have to share everything even my room with her other 2 sons Bryce (15) and Alan (9).
And everything is family time, if we’re going to get ice cream or see a movie or go to the park it has to be everyone or no one goes. Like yeah I guess I’m used to only doing stuff with my dad and my older brother (24) so maybe that’s why it’s hard but still.
We don’t spend any time together AT ALL.
For birthdays it was always a thing where my dad takes each of us out to do something special. Then something later as a family together. Even when my brother was living here with us, he always spent equal time but now every time with him got to be shared by everyone else.
My birthday was last Friday. We were supposed to go kayaking. And the thing is Bryce’s birthday is the same day as mine. So my dad tells me he’s coming too so we could celebrate our birthdays but I didn’t want that.
I told my dad we never get a second to do something that is only me and him. Yeah, he’s got other kids now so it’s not gonna be the same time we spend together but we spend NO time at all anymore.
And I ask him for once if this can be me and him. He told me he was sorry we don’t hang out anymore and he knows all the time is going to them. But it is Bryce’s birthday too and he wants to come.
It got me mad after telling him how I had been feeling he still didn’t wanna make this only for me and him so I told him I don’t feel like going anymore.
My dad told me to come with them but I didn’t want to.
When they left my brother came to pick me up after I told him what happened. He took me to eat and we went to the movies which was fun. Now my dad thinks I’m the jerk for not choosing to go with my brother instead when it would’ve been nice if I was with him and Bryce.
Also that I owe Bryce an apology for skipping out and going with my actual brother instead. I don’t know, he seemed really hurt because he wanted us to do this together and he won’t say anything to me right now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is doing a bad job of blending the families. You made a reasonable request and he wouldn’t listen. It’s good that you have your brother to help you out! The good news is you only have two more years of dealing with your dad’s house.” LefthandedLemur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- your Dad really should work harder to understand where you are coming from. If he had just split the day, spent some alone time with you, and then asked you to do a family activity – there wouldn’t have been a problem.
He needs to own up to his unwillingness to meet you where you are at is causing this.” justsippingteahere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get that your dad is trying to blend the families and all, but he shouldn’t neglect his kid’s needs.
You didn’t choose your stepmom and her kids, your dad did. On another note, your older brother sounds like an awesome guy for taking you out to celebrate. Hang in there.” Mudbuttbro69
15. AITJ For Getting Upset Over My Partner's Sister And Her Birds Moving In Without Consultation?
“My partner (26F) and I (28M) have been together for 4 years and she just moved into my apartment 3 months ago. We looked into getting a new apartment, but given the proximity of my apartment to both of our jobs, it made sense to just have her move in with me.
She’s on the lease now and we split all rent and utilities. So far things have been going great.
Last week my partner’s younger sister, Jade, broke up with her partner and called my partner to ask if she could stay with her.
My partner had not told Jade that she moved in with me yet, so Jade was under the assumption that my partner was still living on her own. Without a second thought, my partner agreed to allow Jade to stay with us.
She told me about it after the fact like it was already decided.
I will admit I was a little less than nice about it when my partner told me. I told her that this is the kind of thing we need to discuss beforehand now that we live together.
She said Jade has nowhere else to go and she won’t have her staying on the streets, so of course she’s going to say yes to letting her stay. I told her I don’t necessarily disagree, but I would have appreciated this being a conversation instead of her making the decision on her own, especially since it seems that her sister’s stay with us will be open-ended.
So Jade comes over with bags and bags of stuff and loads it all into our spare bedroom (which I had to move all of my office stuff out of so Jade could move in). Then, she asks where she can put her birds.
I ask her what she means and my partner says “Oh, Jade has 3 parakeets she’s bringing.”
This is where I might be a jerk. I kind of flipped out on both my partner and Jade. I told them I feel like I’m being fed bits of information little by little without being able to get the complete story.
I told them I do not want to live with 3 loud birds for the foreseeable future. Jade tried to tell me that they were like the quietest birds ever, but yeah right. I know what pet birds sound like and I don’t want that in my space.
My partner tried to tell me to calm down so we can have a conversation about this, but I told her “Oh, now you want to have a conversation about this? Now, after you’ve already decided all of this on your own?
Now we can try to talk about it? What other stuff are you not telling me about this?”
At that point my partner grabbed Jade and said they should go to give me a little space and time to calm down. My partner texted me an hour later asking me if I was calmed down.
I told her I feel incredibly disrespected by what she did. She said it’s her place now too and she’s allowed to have guests. I told her that long-term guests and loud birds are definitely something we need to discuss beforehand, no matter who the guest is.
She asked if I would rather her sister be homeless, and I told her of course not, but I don’t want the birds. She said she would talk to Jade about finding a space for the birds, but they have to come with her for now.
And yes, the birds are loud.”
Another User Comments:
“Partner definitely should have discussed this with you first. Moving her sister and parakeets in isn’t having a guest, it’s bringing in another roommate. It is extremely manipulative of your partner to ask if you would rather her sister be homeless.
Why can’t the sister work out her own alternative living arrangements? You should have kept your cool and outlined your valid points and feelings, but I’m going with NTJ.” HappiestApple
Another User Comments:
“This is incredibly disrespectful and dishonest. Your partner is spoon-feeding you bits and pieces of information so you don’t see the big picture.
So you’ll accept the situation she is controlling the flow of information to you. In light of this bad start, you need to sit down and negotiate a closed end to this scenario. You need to agree to a time when the sister can leave.
The conversation is not over until this is done and don’t relent or else you’ll have a long-term guest on your hands. One area I wouldn’t back down is the birds, they have to go. You are not wrong and your partner is handling this the wrong way.
NTJ.” BeeYehWoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even without the birds I would be upset. Not only did your partner not consult you, but she offered your office up to her sister? This sounds like more than a week or so to find a new place.
Had she given up the sofa for a few days or an air mattress I’d be unhappy and get over it. But an entire room and birds, NO. I’d be even less nice and make it clear I’m not paying rent on a room I no longer have access to, and only 1/3 of the common space and utilities.
Birds are messy as well.” Odd-Equipment1419
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Nephew Hold My Nintendo Switch After He Threw A Tantrum?
“I brought my Switch to Thanksgiving as a way to connect with my younger pre-teen cousins over Smash Bros and Pokémon. I’m in my early 20s so this is the only way I know how to build a relationship with them, they don’t like sports or throwing the football around.
For context, my older sister has a 4-year-old toddler who has some behavioral issues. She’s raising both her children in some unorthodox ways and we’re all kind of expected to understand the ways she’s taught them to deal with interacting with people and their emotions.
(I don’t disagree with most of it but some of it is strange)
I have my switch in my hands, 4 year old comes up and tries to grab it out of my hands. I’m not necessarily opposed to letting him hold it with supervision, so I said “say please and I’ll give it to you.” (thinking this is a good)
All chaos broke loose. He started to scream, cry, and throw things. Not even a normal scream, you would think I was torturing him. Then everyone is looking at me, thinking I did the most terrible thing. My sister comes up, consoles the child with some strange verbiage, and asks me for the switch.
I say no, she says “I’m asking on his behalf”. I still said no, if this is how he behaves, I’m not giving him the switch. I said if he calms down and asks nicely, I’ll let him hold it.
I don’t think that feeding into tantrums is a good thing to do.
She then, instead of explaining asking nicely for something to her son, calms her child down and has him come up and ask me “why are you being a jerk to me?” (I almost busted out laughing at this 4-year-old cursing) Then my sister says to me, in her irritated mother voice, “sometimes when you’re 4 years old you don’t know how to express your emotions” and “this is a great way to build a relationship with your nephew.” (sarcastically) Ok, that’s fine, but you had that child come up and call me a jerk but you couldn’t get him to say please??
Anyway, I didn’t give him the switch. BOTH my sisters are vehemently upset with me, older sister expects an apology for “being rude to her son”. She says I will not be seeing her children anymore because she wants her sons to be “in touch with their emotions”.
Personally, I think she’s raising brats. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your response to “why are you being a jerk to me?” should have been, “because you were being a jerk to me. That’s how life works, if you’re a jerk to someone they’ll be a jerk right back.
If you want people to be nice to you, you have to be nice to them.” This would not go against the way your sister is teaching them to express their emotions. It would show him that you can’t use emotional outbursts to get your way.” TallChick66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These things cost a lot, and parents don’t feel responsible for their kids (if I were you I wouldn’t bring, or hide, expensive electronics). Yep, your sister is raising a brat (meaning either her brain got messed up after pregnancy or she is one and self-replicating).” einat162
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your sister is. She can’t get her son to say “please” but she can get him to say “jerk” to someone because he didn’t get his way. If an adult or child tries to snatch my belongings and then calls me a jerk for it, I’m not letting them see it either.
Your sister is raising a brat.” hungry4wolves
13. AITJ For Not Bringing My Kids To My Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife's Parents' House On Christmas Morning?
“My wife and I are in the middle of a divorce. We have four kids together. This is the first holiday season since we’ve been separated. We made an arrangement: she will have the kids for the holidays we usually spend at her parents’ vacation home with her family: Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and New Year’s Eve.
I would get them for Christmas Day, since that’s when we would go to see my side of the family, and Halloween, since that’s my favorite holiday.
We agreed on this months ago. I asked her multiple times if she was sure, and reminded her that she wouldn’t be there to see the kids open the gifts from Santa (she knew I would record it, or video call if she wanted).
She agreed multiple times she was okay with it, she’d rather the kids not miss out on the big family dinners and keep their traditions as close to normal as possible.
This morning came and she called me before the kids woke up, sobbing, telling me she had made a mistake, she wanted to see them Christmas morning, she wanted me to drive them back up to her parents’ house (four hours away).
I told her that wasn’t doable, the kids were going to open their gifts and then we were going to have breakfast over my parents’ house and start the holiday traditions we normally do over there. I told her I would compromise and meet her at home after church tonight instead of having the kids sleep over at my parents’ house (which was the original plan), so she could spend the night with the kids.
She told me no, that wasn’t enough time with them. I told her it wasn’t fair to either my family or the kids, who are excited to see their cousins and other grandparents.
She’s upset at me now, calling me vindictive, purposefully keeping the kids from her, and won’t call them because she “doesn’t want them to see her this upset.” Meanwhile my four-year-old is crying because she wants to show her the dollhouse she got.
(Note; her reasoning is that “I’m welcome to stay at her parents’ house, but she’s not welcome at my parents’ house, due to the reason for our separation being her being unfaithful she’s not welcome there)
I am not looking for relationship advice!
I want to know, AITJ for not bringing my kids back to my soon-to-be ex-wife’s parent’s house like she wants, and instead taking them to my parents’ house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get she is sad, but why are her feelings more important than everyone else’s?
I genuinely believe your compromise is really good. Plus she already has them every other holiday, so it sounds more than fair that she only sees them tonight. From now on, I would either record calls or only use text messages to keep proof of anything for the future.
Just in case it isn’t a 1-time thing and also in case the divorce gets nasty or something. This way you have proof for these exact situations, that you were looking for the best compromise, while she was being selfish.” ifyouknowyouknow4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- She’s upset and she regrets her decision; you checked with her multiple times, and she still stuck by it. Having to wake up the kids, drive them four hours, while also not allowing them to see their other cousins and family?
Not fair on her part. If she wants to see them, she can drive to you.” kayglock0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Co-parenting requires compromising and accepting that you won’t have your kids around some days that you would want them to be there.
My sister and former BIL trade holidays every other year. This Thanksgiving, my nephew was with my sister, and today is with his father. Next year it will be the opposite. Regarding your situation, it may be better to come to that kind of arrangement, because it’s selfish and manipulative for her to be doing what she’s doing right now.
You’ve already offered a compromise for the evening even when she’s not owed it, and we’ve seen her response. She’s going to have to be an adult about it and you’ll probably have to get a firm, mutually agreed on schedule that is on record with the court before it’s all said and done.” Godaistudios
12. AITJ For Buying My Husband A Cheaper Christmas Gift With The Money He Gave Me?
“My (F29) husband (M33) is the breadwinner and I’m a sahm. We used to both work but due to medical problems, I couldn’t keep working. As a result, I don’t have money to spend however I want. My husband gives me money only to spend on the house or the kids but that’s that.
I might borrow money here and there or try to figure something out if I needed essential stuff like hygiene products.
This Christmas my husband gave me 600 dollars as my Christmas gift. I freaked out thinking I now have to get him a decent gift to match his.
So I went shopping and got him the most affordable thing on his wish list which was a 180-dollar pair of sneakers in his favorite color. I didn’t show him the gift until we visited his parents’ house for Christmas and when it was time for gift opening he opened the gift, saw the sneakers, and looked extremely extremely upset like he was about to blow up.
I asked what’s up and he asked why “in the blue heck” I decided to “waste money” and get him sneakers aka: the cheapest gift on his wishlist. I said it’s all I could afford and he literally lashed out and said “bull!
I gave you 600 dollars that’s about the right price for a new gaming console and it was right there at the top of my wishlist!”
He said it in front of his parents!! It was so so awkward I felt so horrible I wanted to disappear.
But I apologized and said I was sorry but I had other stuff I needed to buy and the money wasn’t enough. He took it as if I was blaming him for not giving me enough money and picked an argument with me about how wasteful and financially irresponsible I am otherwise I wouldn’t be struggling with money for long.
I disagreed and said I don’t have a salary due to medical issues not being irresponsible. Also told him he could get the gaming console himself since he has money but he got all dramatic and ranted about how he wouldn’t because then he’ll be judged for getting anything for himself.
His parents tried to get involved but he straight up told me how disappointed he was and said that I ruined his Christmas then went upstairs and avoided talking to me til we got back and the whole argument restarted. He kept repeating that he was disappointed and that I ruined Christmas for him saying “good job screwing up” even after I pointed out how rude it was of him to react like that in front of his parents.
He’s wanting an apology atm and is still upset about what I did. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is abusing you. This is literally financial abuse. You deserve money to spend on yourself, doesn’t matter if you don’t make a salary; you still do work keeping house.
Not only that but yelling at you like that at all, especially in front of people is also abusive. PLEASE look into getting disability or unemployment and get AWAY from him!!!” kokihi_55
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely not. I’m also the breadwinner for my family and if I gave my s/o funds as a gift that would be her money.
If she didn’t spend a penny on me, I wouldn’t be upset because it was HER money. I also tell my s/o to pick whatever she wants for me for Christmas and take it directly out of the checking account, which she has full access to whenever she wants or needs it.
You’re 100% NOT the jerk in this situation and I’m sorry you’re going through that. Also, if $180 sneakers is wasteful spending, then a $600 game console is definitely not what I would consider a cheap (not wasteful) gift.” Exact-Glove-5026
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lady your husband is financially and emotionally abusing you.
In a normal relationship where one party is the SAHP, the other party’s income is shared equally in the household and both parties are able to purchase what they need. Under no circumstances should you be left borrowing money for personal hygiene products and clothing.
Please see if you can access a local woman’s support service to get yourself out of this situation. Financial and emotional abuse can be a precursor to physical violence, but even if it isn’t, you do not have to live this way.
Good luck and stay safe.” EliraeTheBow
11. AITJ For Telling My MIL She Can't See Her Grandkids?
“My (27F) husband (29M) got married 8 years ago. My husband’s family is very old-fashioned, they believe that a woman should stay at home with the kids and basically be a slave to her husband. My husband is not like that, so I’m the breadwinner for our family while my husband stays at home and takes care of the kids (7F, 5M.
2M, 2F) and house. My husband is Latino and I’m white. This has never been a problem for either of us before, but it has for his family. His mom has always commented on how our children take after me and had even said quite a few times that she believes I was unfaithful to her son because all our kids look like me the most (skin tone, hair, eyes).
When our last child (4 months) was born it was obvious that he would take after my husband in the looks department. Because of certain circumstances, we hadn’t introduced our families to our son until yesterday. This is where the problem started.
The first thing my MIL said when she saw my son was “oh my first real grandbaby”. This caused issues but my husband told her not to say it again and we let it go. However, she kept commenting in front of our children how our son was her favorite grandchild.
She was being all around rude to the rest of the children. My husband finally snapped and told her our son wasn’t her only grandchild and she needed to stop acting like she was or we were leaving. She then said “those white children are not my grandkids and I doubt they are yours, heavens knows your wife is probably being unfaithful while she’s at her job.
You should get a job and make her stay at home.”
This is where I might be the jerk. I told her if that’s how she truly felt then she just won’t be a part of the children’s lives and took my children to the car and went home.
She hasn’t stopped messaging saying we can’t take her grandbaby from her. My husband said I was a jerk for telling her she can’t be around our children anymore and that she just needs time to adjust. His family also thinks I’m being a jerk.
So AITJ for telling my MIL she can’t see her grandkids.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your husband needs to man up and tell his mother that until she apologizes to you and the kids she cannot see them. If in the future you allow her to see them, it should always be supervised. Lord knows what other comments she says when either of you isn’t around.” Which_Relation_9766
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your husband definitely is for letting his wife and his SMALL CHILDREN be bullied. Kids aren’t stupid. They’re going to see that their dad thinks this kind of behavior towards you and them is just fine. They just learned that their dad won’t stand up for them.” TheQuixoticTribble
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs time to adjust? Let’s see. Your oldest is 7 so she has already had 7 years to adjust. I don’t think that is going to happen anytime soon…EVER!!! Also, has your husband and the rest of his family noticed that she is only upset because you “can’t take her grandbaby from her?” Notice the singular.
Not “grandbabies,” meaning the other children, just the one that she accepts as hers. You know, the one that you didn’t be unfaithful with on your husband. OMG, you CANNOT let her come near the youngest, the one that she CARES about.
No good can come from that. She will tell him that you were unfaithful to your husband with the others. There will be a huge rift between him and your other children. This cannot turn out well.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Leaving Home After My Mom's Partner Invaded My Privacy?
“I (17F), my half-siblings (4&5), my older brother (19), my mom and her partner Ted. My mom and Ted started seeing each other around 6 months ago.
I normally wake my siblings up and get them ready for school. I drop them off when I go to school. I pick them up and watch them until my mom comes home and I often watch them at night when my mom and Ted go out.
My mom approached me a week ago and told me that Ted was moving in with us. That they were expecting me to help take care of his daughter when she was staying there. Moving day: Ted’s daughter wanted my room. I was kind but showed her to the room my mom set up for her.
Later on, Ted moved my things, breaking a music box my grandma left me when she died. Along with several other things. When I approached my mom about it her reply was “we all need to make sacrifices.” I was changing my clothes and Ted just barged into my room, no knocking, nothing.
His daughter wanted something else of mine. I told my mom I felt really uncomfortable about it. She just blew it off. Finally, it got to the point I called my dad. He came over and we packed my stuff. (My cell phone and Jeep were given to me by my dad)
My older brother came and watched my siblings until Ted and my mom came home. My mom was angry. She called me, my dad had changed the number. Then she called my dad and asked him when I was coming home. He replied “she is already home”.
My grandma called my dad and told him I was a jerk for not giving my mom more time to work things out and leaving her with no child care and no way to get the kids back and forth to school.
Am I the jerk here? Should I have given her more time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not even a little bit! I am SO glad you have your dad and that he jumped right into action and got you out of there.
1) They are not your kids. They are not your responsibility. This is not your problem. Don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise! 2) Your mom is continually choosing a man over you. Letting his kid take your room, breaking stuff, and having no respect for privacy are absolutely no-gos.
3) The partner sounds creepy as heck. Barging in while you’re changing is beyond unacceptable! And the fact that your mom doesn’t get this or care is incredibly disturbing. Stay at your dad’s. He’s right. You are home!!!” Ok-Mode-2038
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Who apologized to you when Ted took and broke your things? When he just walked in on you (that’s creepy)? You told your mother more than once and she didn’t care then. Also more than anything else this sounds like a case of parentification.
It is not your responsibility to take care of your siblings all the time. What was their emergency plan when you were sick?” drakkya
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. Your room and your stuff should be sacrosanct, not given away to other kids without permission to placate her new man.
A grown man has no business barging in and if he didn’t know it, your mom should have stood up for you. They caused this, not you.” Intelligent_Stop5564
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend's Partner Propose At My Wedding?
“My husband and I (30M, 27F) got married last month and had a small and wonderful wedding.
2 weeks before the wedding, my best friend/maid of honor’s (28F) partner (27M) asked if it would be okay to propose during my reception. I first told him how thrilled I was that he was proposing to my friend and how excited she would be, but I really wasn’t comfortable with him proposing during the wedding, at least as a public thing.
He seemed totally shocked that I said no, which I can understand. He said that weddings are supposed to be about celebrating love, and that as her (his partner’s) best friend, I should want them to finally be engaged after 11 years together.
I absolutely want that for them, but I just didn’t understand why it needed to happen during the 5.5-hour window of my ceremony/cocktail hour/reception. I was very apologetic and offered to help however I could with the proposal on any other day, but he was clearly not happy with me.
I hadn’t heard from MOH since the wedding, which is probably the longest we’ve ever gone without talking. I had tried several times to get in touch with her and let her know at one point that I had something of hers she had lost at the wedding.
Never any response. I texted the other day saying I was going to drop the lost item off at her house so she’d have it, and she finally responded. Apparently, during the after-party at the hotel bar, MOH’s partner got very inebriated and told her that she would’ve been engaged that night if I hadn’t ruined his plan.
She said she isn’t exactly mad at me, but she feels like her future engagement is ruined and that I denied her a chance at happiness. I told her I was so sorry and the conversation ended pretty awkwardly. Another mutual friend who knows what’s going on says she doesn’t love that he planned to propose at the wedding, but thinks I was the jerk ultimately for saying no.”
Another User Comments:
“You should reply back “A man that really wants to marry you will make the effort to do so. He won’t base your future together on usurping someone else’s celebration. I’m very sorry that you think I ruined your chance at happiness.
I’m sorrier that you think your happiness depends on a proposal from a man that is putting in the bare minimum of effort to plan a life with you.”” ScubaCC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He asked because he knew that it is one of the things you should never do at someone’s wedding.
And when he got the answer I’m sure he expected, he decided to be petty and immature. And how laughable, after ELEVEN years of being together, all of a sudden YOU are the reason she’s not engaged. Seems like he’s using you as yet another reason he hasn’t proposed yet and maybe your friend subconsciously knows it.” redpatoot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Proposing at someone else’s wedding is tacky unless the bride and groom are 100% on board. I can understand why some brides would be ok with it and some wouldn’t, and both responses are absolutely valid. It’s the bride and groom’s day, and they get to decide what they want to go down at their wedding.
Your MOH’s partner sounds entitled and lazy. Lazy because after 11 years, he can’t think of a way to propose without using someone else’s wedding reception. Entitled because he seems to think he has a right to piggyback on your reception without any consideration to the time and $$$ you spent (because you know, it’s YOUR wedding).
To be upset you set a totally reasonable boundary to the point that he blames you to his partner and tries to create a rift between you, makes him the jerk. A really really big one. Your friend is the one not being a good friend to you, not the other way around.
If I were her, I’d be so embarrassed that my partner tried to (1) hijack my bff’s wedding and (2) ruined a marriage proposal by throwing a tantrum. She’s marrying a huge jerk but she’s invested 11 years in him, so it’s easier to scapegoat you than to face that.
Big time NTJ.” NayNay_Cee
1) women do NOT wear white, cream, champagne outfits to a wedding because it is Rude and Tacky and 2) you DO NOT use someone else's wedding reception as the backdrop for your engagement. That's being a Rude jerk and a cheap one too. I have honestly heard of girls saying NO because they were so embarrassed that their fiance pulled that stunt. It is the day to celebrate the newly wed couple, not to get excited over another couple's engagement
By pulling thst stunt you are taking the spotlight away from tre bridal ciipke and trying to make it all about you. Honestly, were those two raised in a cave by some forest creatures. RUDE. TACKY. ILL-MANNERED, UNCOUTH. CHEAP. I have heard of people geing tossed out of receptions for trying that stunt. You are totally correct I'm saying NO.
8. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Only Lecture Me About Work When I'm On The Clock?
“I (26m) live with my Mom (55) and Dad (56) and pay rent.
It’s a convenient situation for all of us, as I can finish up college while having an affordable play to stay, and they have a live-in housekeeper/dogsitter. My Mom also has medical issues that sometimes require someone to help her, and my Dad works kind of late.
For similar reasons, I also work for my Mom at her business that she started with a friend. I get some money, the hours work for my classes, and I can keep an eye out if Mom is having a bad day.
My Mom is usually kind of chill, except when it comes to her business. Occasionally, I will forget to do some small task and she will blow up at me as if it was a major crisis. This can be anything from forgetting to call back a client immediately to forgetting to empty the trash in the bathroom.
The mistakes are few and far between but she acts like I’m constantly screwing up at work when she’s mad, then tells me how well I’m doing when she’s not. It gets old.
After a particularly rough and busy day, I decided to come home and go straight to bed for a bit for a nap before homework.
Right as I’m dozing off, Mom bursts into my room and starts ranting about a stack of papers I left on my desk and how I should have put them away (I wasn’t sure where they went, as that is another employee’s job.) I cut her off and basically told her that if I was working any other job and my boss busted into the room that I pay rent for and started yelling at me for something that happened at work, I’d quit immediately.
Then I told her she’s my boss at work and Mom at home, and if she wants to lecture me about work stuff she can wait until I’m on the clock and getting paid to be lectured. She fumed and slammed the door on me.
Now she hasn’t talked to me in a couple of days unless she’s had to and to ask me about every single detail of my job to make sure I do everything I’m supposed to. My Dad says I should apologize and make peace but I feel like I was standing up for myself and that my argument wasn’t unreasonable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I totally agree with the “boss at work, Mom at home” mindset. I work with my father, and though I don’t live at my parents’ place, we see each other regularly outside of work. Any issue regarding work is discussed during normal working hours.
That’s how it should be.” 9okm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she knows it. That is why she is passive-aggressively giving you the silent treatment at home and micromanaging you at work. Up to you if you want to extend an olive branch.
Personally I’d be tempted to act like a raw recruit to a drill sergeant. Answer only with “Yes, MA’AM!” “No, MA’AM!” or “No excuse, MA’AM!” (But then, I’m kind of a jerk.)” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you work for your mom and live with her, the lines will be blurred between work and home life.
However, if your mom is blowing up about nothing, that’s a jerk thing to do regardless of whether it’s at work or home. I often think sometimes it’s worth it to just apologize and move on but it really seems like your mom should be the one to apologize here.” jengaj2016
7. AITJ For Not Asking My Maternal Family To Accept My Stepsister?
“Here is the thing. My mother found out that she was pregnant a few weeks after she broke up with my dad.
My dad started seeing Tina after the breakup. My mom passed away when I was 2. I don’t remember her at all.
My dad went on to marry Tina and they had one child, Angela. I love Tina and Angela and they love me.
I consider Tina to be my mom and she loves me as much as my step-sister.
My mother’s family lives in another country and I fly out to them once a year and spend a month there with them. For some reason, they disliked my dad & Tina and were indifferent towards Ang.
They flew me out at their own expense.
My dad and Tina don’t have any family. My dad was in foster care and Tina cut off her toxic family and ran away when she was 16. It has always just been us 4 and some friends, that’s it.
I get the big family experience every year with my mom’s family. They are too nice. They shower me with love and affection. They also send me a lot of gifts when I return.
Recently, Ang has been jealous of my relationship with them and asked me if she could come along with me next time I go.
She told me that she too wanted to experience some familial love (like grandparents’ affection, uncle/aunt pampering, etc.).
I tried talking to my grandma about it and she just shut me down. Turns out, when I was 2, Tina proposed an idea to my mom’s family: Tina would raise me like her own and would not have any kids with my dad if my mom’s family would leave them alone and I would be told that Tina is my bio mom.
They disagreed and apparently, dad went no contact with them for more than a year. Only when they were threatened with court did Tina and my dad drop the “plan”.
Everyone is adamant about not wanting to know Ang. My parents are expecting me to give them an ultimatum about accepting Ang.
I, however, don’t want to. Ang is heartbroken and cries constantly over this.
When I tried to tell her that I could not force them to accept her because they aren’t related, she asked me if I would be okay if Tina didn’t love me as she isn’t related to me either.
Now, everyone in the house has told me that they are disappointed in me and are giving me the silent treatment. It is not like I wanna hurt Ang and I know that she is asking from a good place.
Am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well, neither you nor Ang are jerks. She’s a kid. But your stepmother and your father? They are gaping jerks who tried to kick them out of your lives. They are the ones who wanted to raise you under a lie.
And they’re jerks now for wanting your mother’s parents to be grandparents to Ang, too, and being willing to use emotional manipulation to do it.” ClothDiaperAddicts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve said this before – The Silent Treatment is emotional abuse. Your dad, Tina, and Angela are emotionally abusing you because your mom’s family doesn’t want her to come on your trip, with good reason, too, after what Tina and your dad proposed. It’s very likely that your Dad was involved with Tina while he was still with your mom.
Tina wanted to basically take you away from your Mom’s family and make them and your mom disappear. That was so wrong and I can understand why your Mom’s family doesn’t want to have anything to do with Tina/Angela. I’m sorry Angela doesn’t have the “familial love” she apparently craves, but that is NOT YOUR fault.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother’s family has a right not to want to pay for/see a child not related to them, nor love her. Tina loving you is a gift, that’s true, but it doesn’t mean you have to cut out an entire side of your family if they won’t accept your half-sister.
Blended families are HARD, and each is unique and needs to find its own way of coming together. You have a right to love and want to see your maternal family. TBH, if what your grandparents told you was true about Tina’s “proposal”, I’m amazed your sister isn’t furious with her mother, because if they had accepted she wouldn’t even exist. This sounds weird and sketchy, have you talked to your parents about it?” Alarmed-Hamster-4047
6. AITJ For Dumping Bags Of Dead Cockroaches On My Parents' Bed To Prove A Point?
“I’m 16(f), so I live with my parents. I started having asthma symptoms a couple of years ago but only when I was trying to sleep, I would be unable to breathe. I’ve been brought to all sorts of specialists and put on various allergy medicines because the best they could tell us was that it must be an allergy.
Around the same time that started I began seeing an occasional cockroach in my room. I would squish it and throw it out. Then the air coming from my vents started smelling musty. And I would see more and more cockroaches. I told my parents all of this and they are convinced there’s not a cockroach problem.
I’ve been seeing about 15-20 cockroaches in my room (any time of day/night) every day for months. My parents keep telling me that I’m being dramatic, it’s just an occasional cockroach. I’ve done some research and supposedly cockroaches can cause respiratory problems. My parents refuse to call a bug exterminator person.
I’m really tired of living with these things, I can hear them crawling in the walls of my room. They’re in my bed, I feel them crawl on me while I’m trying to go to sleep. And no, I don’t eat in my room.
I used to have a bowl of soup in my room if I was sick at home, but I stopped because of the cockroaches since I don’t want to attract them.
I started taking a photo of every one I killed and sending the picture to my parents.
So again, 15-20 pictures a day. They got upset I’m bothering them at work and that I’m sending a photo of the same dead cockroach over and over. Like literally they were going to ground me over winter break if kept doing it.
So instead over this past week I’ve been keeping the dead ones in a bag marked with the date and then the number of cockroach it was. There were 118 of them over 7 days. I dumped all the little bags on my parents’ bed (so the actual dead cockroaches didn’t touch their bed, just the bags).
My parents are LIVID. They’re arguing about what to do about me like I can hear them and in the meantime I’ve been sent to my room. I just really don’t know how to get across how uncomfortable I am constantly.
These things are ALIVE when they’re in my bed. I really don’t know how else to make them see this is a problem, but this might have been the nuclear option and I could have just shown them the bags in my room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Well this just gave me nightmares, thanks OP. Also I know this is a very seriously messed up situation but your response is also really funny as well as justified. You’re meticulous and I admire it. I would be freaking out over a few cockroaches regularly in my room, let alone my bed, let alone if it caused me asthma, and the sound of my cockroach destruction activities would not be allowing anyone else to sleep, for sure.
So your reaction is actually quite measured, in the circumstances. Seriously though, your parents are literally legally obligated to make sure you have sanitary living conditions and this is not it. If this went to something like child protective services they’d be in deep trouble.
I don’t know what’s wrong with them to be like this, but it’s ….. seriously wrong. And illegal?” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your parents are pretty disgusting for allowing this to continue, especially since it’s causing you breathing problems. Do your parents own the place you live in, or do they rent?
If they rent, you could try to find out the landlord’s contact info because usually they are responsible for exterminators unless it says otherwise in the lease. You can calmly tell your parents either they call an exterminator or you are going to tell all of your family members, your teachers, your doctor, your clergy person…anyone and everyone you can think of.
Some on that list are mandated reporters and hopefully it will motivate your parents to step up.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Ewww, I’m sorry but this just makes my skin crawl I absolutely hate cockroaches! I don’t think you are a jerk for doing what you did, it’s actually pretty admirable that you “documented” the evidence like you did.
You didn’t say if your parents were renting or if they owned the home, is it the costs that keep them from calling an exterminator? It’s still a health issue and HAS to be taken care of. In my state, the Health dept., either state or county would be my next “rebel” step.
NTJ.” Merciless-Mandy
5. AITJ For Insisting My Niece Couldn't Use Her IPad During My Wedding Ceremony?
“My wife and I got married September 4th, and this drama is STILL going on.
We paid a lot for a videographer to capture our ceremony. We told everyone at the rehearsal dinner we would be having everyone turn their devices off for the ceremony, just so that there wouldn’t be any distractions.
My brother pulled me aside later on to tell me that his daughter (4F) would need to have her iPad to get through the ceremony, otherwise, she would be really noisy and wouldn’t sit still and might ruin the day for us.
I told him no, she wouldn’t be using it because there’s a chance she may turn the volume on or something, and I really don’t want to take that risk.
I thought that was the end of it, but the next day, my brother who was also my best man, came to me and said that his daughter was having a hard time today and that she would need her iPad.
I again told him no. He said that if she didn’t have it, she would make a fuss, and “the missus wouldn’t want that ruining her big day, now would she?”
And that kind of annoyed me because yeah, it’s her day, but it’s also mine!
I’m marrying the woman I love, and we both made this no-device decision together.
I told him if he couldn’t respect it, then his daughter could wait outside with either him or his wife. But her iPad wouldn’t be in there.
He was annoyed, but we left it at that.
And then it happens. Middle of the ceremony, we hear “We finally found the perfect house” and then some fumbling as my SIL is trying to get the iPad to shut off and my niece starts to whine.
Some ad started playing as my niece was playing a game.
My wife and I were annoyed, but we, along with everyone else, laughed it off and continued on.
During the reception, my SIL and brother ran up to us, saying they didn’t know the volume was up so loud, and they had my niece apologize for it.
My wife said it’s done and over with and “it was rude of you to do.”
My bro said it wasn’t fair so I said that it wasn’t fair SIL allowed it seeing as we already talked about it and that going against what we had already asked of them and the iPad, was a major jerk move.
And that them not apologizing, but having their daughter make a big show of doing so was sending the wrong message seeing as she’s 4 and she doesn’t understand. And that it was them who allowed it to happen.
My brother said that it wasn’t that deep and that I’m being ridiculous.
Then the rest of the reception was kind of awkward, even during the best man speech. He tried to make a joke “yeah, that was my daughter’s iPad making the noise. She likes to be a rule breaker.”
And it just made my wife and me angry.
I’ve said very few things to him since this happened.
My parents are starting to think I’m the jerk for not just moving on and for waiting for him to apologize.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
SIL could’ve sat outside with the kid if she NEEDED the iPad.
You made your boundaries clear, and your worst fear happened. Then for him to blow it off is disrespectful. They both need to sincerely apologize as adults and buy you guys dinner or something.” wesmellthecolor9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They knew beforehand that no electronics would be allowed during the ceremony, and besides it’s just rude in general to be on your phone/iPad during a wedding.
I’m addicted to my phone, but I can put the darn thing away for a bit during an important event. No one needs an iPad, and I honestly think her parents should be ashamed for making her that dependent on technology so early in her life.” Blue_Moon913
Another User Comments:
“When I was little and had to go to a wedding (or funeral, or church, or anywhere we needed to be quiet), we would bring books to look at, and crayons and paper. I think it’s ridiculous how quickly everyone jumps to a screen to distract kids.
It’s bad for their brain and social skills!
You clearly stated your expectations for your ceremony. You clearly stated them multiple times, and your brother not only doesn’t listen, but disregards what you said like it was no biggie. By him disregarding what you said shows he has no respect for you, especially drawing attention to it during his speech.
NTJ. I’m sorry that this happened.” Crazy-Basket7306
4. AITJ For Limiting My Daughter's Time With Her Overzealous Cheer Coach?
“I F25 have a daughter that is 7 years old who is a cheerleader. When I initially signed her up it was just for her to have a hobby. My daughter absolutely loves cheering and with everything that is going on between my ex-husband (aka her dad), I was glad she found an outlet to get her mind off all the family drama.
Throughout the summer, my daughter spent the majority of her time training in gymnastics and dance. But in her gymnastics class, her coach really took a liking to my daughter and my daughter also adores her back. Sadly, this summer she spent most of her time with her coach more than me because I’m a single mother and it’s sometimes hard because I also have 4 other kids besides her, so it can be hard finding that 1 on 1 time with her.
My daughter talks about her coach non-stop and all the things she does with her and even other moms tell me that my daughter is the coach’s favorite and the paranoid side of me starts thinking is this relationship weird because when I looked at my daughter and the coach together it was literally looking at mother and daughter.
When school started back up again I told the coach she can’t come as much anymore because school was starting back up and she started kind of getting visibly upset that I was putting school first before cheer. She then offers that she comes straight after school for 1hr and a half fully paid for.
My daughter really wanted to still attend her class so I agreed.
But now this week she asked me if my daughter can join her elite team. But that means more time my daughter will have to spend training and I can’t travel with her all the time because I have other kids plus I have a custody agreement with her dad so it’s really not in the cards.
So I told her she couldn’t and we got into a disagreement and she told me that I’m holding my daughter back and she can be in the Olympics and that I’m neglecting her and that she’s trying to save her from becoming like me (which was a mom at 18).
That was yesterday and I cried when I had time to myself. Because she made me feel like I didn’t care about my daughter. Right now I’m feeling like I don’t want my daughter back with that teacher, it would crush my daughter if I told her she can’t see her coach anymore so am I the jerk for taking away a hobby my kid loves?”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry but YTJ. Your only reason for reducing her time with this hobby, from what I can tell, is that you want more time with her. And while that’s totally understandable, it’s also selfish – you’re putting your desire to spend time with her, ahead of her own desires and goals.
I think you are also jealous – the coach can and wants to spend a ton of time with her, while you don’t have as much time to spend with other kids. As a parent it’s reasonable for you to set boundaries and limits to ensure her life is balanced. For the coach to say she’s Olympic material as young as 7 is a bit of a stretch.
And it’s reasonable to want her to focus on school more than cheer. But that has to come in the form of a boundary – i.e. if your grades slip, then you will have to reduce your cheer time to study more.
You should also ENCOURAGE your daughter to spend some time doing other things like playing with friends.
But look at this from daughter’s POV. It sounds like your home life is hard, and with other kids, she’s going to be fighting for your attention all the time.
So she found a place where not only is she having a great time, but she IS getting the attention. She LOVES that. And if she gets pulled out, she won’t forgive you for it. I think you should be selfless here – recognize that, to some degree, your daughter is better in the cheer class than with you.
Just set some boundaries – make sure she understands the cheer/gymnastics class is a privilege that she has to work to maintain, by keeping her grades up and other responsibilities taken care of. As long as she does that, leave her be to do what she loves.
And besides, she’s 7. She may well grow out of this and find another hobby. Just make sure she knows you will be there and will understand if she does, and that saying no is always an option.” SirEDCaLot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
While at first you did come off a little bit jealous, the coach seems way overzealous and overstepped, especially when she accused you of neglecting your daughter when it genuinely sounded like a scheduling/time issue. Maybe try to find another cheer/gymnastics class so your daughter can still do the activity but with a less intense coach.” MSWStudent23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re not looking at all available options here. You can transfer her to another cheer program away from the coach who is undermining you as a parent and sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong and still allow your daughter to do cheer.
It’s great to have a coach who thinks your kid is capable of great things but when you have other kids and a full-time job to attend to, taking all your kids to pro level in their interests just isn’t feasible and it’s not a coach’s place to pressure you or talk down to you because you don’t have the time, money, or resources to do it.” JJ-Anthrax
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.. it seems like a lot of this is maybe you having some big feelings about her relationship with her Coach. She obviously has a gift that this person wants to foster and you’re taking that away because 1.
You’re jealous of the relationship 2. You use the excuse of having multiple other kids but the thing is.. you decided to have all of those kids. You actively wanted them. Now you need to cater to their needs even if it’s difficult for you.
The Coach is giving you options… why would you take that away? You should be proud that your daughter is still capable of making positive relationships after your relationship failed and she had to watch it happen.” Happy-Chicken9393
3. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Brother's Vegan Fiancée's Unspecified Dietary Preferences?
“Full disclosure, I do eat meat, eggs, and dairy. That being said I’m lazy and prepping and cooking meat takes more work than I’m willing to do a lot of the time, so I’ve built up a pretty okay repertoire of vegetarian and vegan meals.
That’s why I volunteered to cook last night for a small family dinner even though I would normally never. Love my mom to bits but if the first step isn’t browning a pound of ground beef, she’s a little lost on what to make.
This is all a thing because my brother has recently gotten engaged to a vegan woman. None of us have really spent a lot of time with her due to various reasons and generally having our own lives. The time I have spent with her has been perfectly nice.
I’d thought this would also be perfectly nice.
So I did my best. I put together a dijon vinaigrette salad, pasta tossed with roasted asparagus and cherry tomatoes, and because this is America where carb on carb doesn’t have to be just a dream, some bread I seriously vetted to make sure it didn’t have milk or eggs in it.
She could eat every single thing served.
At least I thought so. We sit down, plates are dished, she has questions. Whatever, fair enough. I can imagine that she’s been in situations where things seemed safe to eat but surprise, there’s honey in the salad dressing or something.
Reassurances are made, I did my homework but…she has other complaints. You roasted the veggies in olive oil? There’s olive oil in the salad dressing? The pasta isn’t whole wheat? This is white bread? Yes. Vegan, all of it, but not stripped down to as few calories as possible.
And now she won’t eat, just sat there and tore one of the rolls up into tiny pieces until the table was cleared.
My brother texted me later that night about how messed up it was that she had to go home hungry, and this is where I may be the jerk.
I replied something to the effect of saying I thought I had to cook to accommodate veganism, not an eating disorder. He told me to screw off, which again, fair. Now I imagine a cold war is brewing and mom is inevitably going to get sucked in.
I also could have tried to make something healthier, though I don’t think what was served was that bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. His partner is out of line for going to a dinner without bringing her own food or explaining her dietary preferences ahead of time.
They obviously should have hosted. Your brother is way way way out of line for not reaching out to apologize to you for how the dinner went down. Sure, your quip was irreverent but it was right and you didn’t say it until your brother came at you like you did something wrong by cooking an entire vegan dinner to accommodate his boo.” Maximum_System_7819
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You DID accommodate her, you knew she had ONE dietary restriction (i.e. veganism) and you cooked everything vegan. Not just vegan options, EVERYTHING was vegan-friendly. That’s next-level accommodation if you ask me. For the record, I’m a vegetarian and I’m used to bringing my own food or sticking to the salads available, I’ve never been to a non-vegetarian household where they make only vegetarian food to accommodate me (nor do I expect them to) and if it were me I’d be thanking you for days.
That’s a really nice thing to do. Now, she has some other dietary restrictions that she didn’t tell you about, and then apparently you’re the jerk for not reading minds and just knowing without nobody telling you that she has some other “requirements” for food.
Like how does that even make sense to your brother? If I were you I’d be super passive-aggressive and say something along the lines of “I’m so sorry I haven’t upgraded my seer abilities yet and thus was unable to just guess your partner’s food restrictions.
I will let you know when I’m a full-on psychic so I can have all the information without anyone telling me, and then you’ll be welcome in my house again”. NTJ NTJ NTJ NTJ. His partner is the biggest jerk and your brother for enabling her and snapping at you when you were nothing but perfectly nice.” Apprehensive_Sand_77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Goodness, does she act that entitled everywhere she goes? You cooked a vegan meal, how were you to know the specifics of what she eats outside of veganism (because she’s clearly just being picky). Shame on you for not using your crystal ball that day.
Granted your response wasn’t polite (but still great IMO), but there was no need for their dramatics. She didn’t HAVE to go home hungry. She CHOSE to.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Calling Out My Wife's MLM-Pushing Friend On Social Media?
“I’m going to start this off by saying I hate MLMs. If you have a high school diploma and are worried about going nowhere in life, go to trade school. Stop with the MLMs.
My wife and I have been married for 2 years. We are both 23 and have been together since we were sophomores in high school. My wife used to be friends with “Jane” in junior high and early high school before Jane transferred. I knew her a little bit, and we have both been social media friends with her since we made our accounts.
You know how it is when you’re young, you add everyone on social media. I didn’t get around to deleting a lot of people from high school since I don’t go on it much. But I do know that Jane sells Beachbody and constantly posts pics/videos/testimonials.
“Who is ready to kick some butt with me this (season/time of year)? Come on ladies, take control.” Oh my god I can’t stand it.
She has reached out to my wife a few times before. The first time she did the stereotypical social media message “how you doing girl??
Omg I miss you so much you’ve been doing so well in life! By the way are you interested in losing weight?” That type of stuff. My wife told her politely that she’s not interested. She has reached out to her 3 more times since then.
She is not taking no for an answer. After my wife expressed her frustration, I commented on her latest Beachbody-inspired post.
“Hey Jane, not sure if you remember me, but I hope you’re doing well. Please do me a favor and leave my wife alone.
She is not interested in being a part of your pyramid scheme. By the way, you lose weight from exercise, your magic shakes don’t work. Sincerely, an actual business person.”
The comment was deleted, Jane unfriends my wife and me, then I get a really angry post from her rural husband.
(Jane now lives on a farm in the middle of nowhere) her husband basically told me I better not show my head around their town. I told him don’t worry if everything goes to plan I won’t ever have to be in that area.
My wife didn’t mind that I said something to her but she thinks I went over the line. In my opinion, I solved the problem because she unfriended both of us. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You could have muted or blocked. Besides, your wife is an adult and should be able to deal with nuisances on her own.
Your whole post has a very condescending tone. It just reads like you wanted to rub it in the face of someone you went to high school with.” joanclaytonesq
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t curse her out or anything, your comment was pretty mild and doesn’t warrant the threat you received from her crusty husband.
I wish more people commented stuff like that on MLM posts lol.” Remote-Ball-3724
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Yeah, people who buy into MLMs aren’t the brightest crayons but your comment was unnecessarily mean. Your wife had the option of simply blocking this woman from messaging her and moving on.” NUT-me-SHELL
1. AITJ For Prioritizing Our Adoption Over Taking In My Deceased Sister's Children?
“My husband “Craig” (38M) and I (33F) are in the process of adopting a little girl “Catalina” (10F).
We have been seeking to adopt for quite some time as I cannot have children, and we’ve known about Catalina for a few months.
However, my sister “Cara” (31F) just passed away in a car crash. My BIL sadly died alongside her, and they left behind Charles (6M) and Chloe (3F).
They have been staying with my parents since the crash, but they had us pretty late so they are both in their 70s and have health problems. Admittedly neither of them is in the condition to be raising little kids. I’ve been helping as I can and today I brought over dinner for parents and niblings.
Everything went well until my mom asked to speak to me.
Put simply, she and dad know they can’t take care of Charles and Chloe, and their expectation is that I will take them in. This would have been a no-brainer of course if it had happened even a year ago.
We would not have hesitated to take the niblings.
But the issue lies with Catalina. She has what they think is FAS (it’s an international adoption and they don’t even know for sure who her bio parents are). That’s fine, Craig and I are okay with having a special needs child, but we’re also aware that she’s going to need a lot of our time and attention especially at first. I love my niblings but they’re both pretty rambunctious.
At least until we know for sure what life with Catalina is going to be like, I’m not willing to take them in right now.
My mom proceeded to call me the jerk and tell me I must not care about the kids because some little girl I’ve never even met is more important than them, and that if I won’t take them they’ll probably have to go to foster care.
I actually have met Catalina and will see her again at the end of next month, and I would obviously take the kids in under any other circumstances. Mom wouldn’t listen and proceeded to tell the kids “Aunt OP doesn’t care about you.”
Now I feel really bad and am worried I’m failing my niblings because I won’t take them in at present (if once Catalina’s here I think we could handle it I will absolutely). I really don’t want to go back on the adoption.
In the country she’s in now, a child like that doesn’t really have a chance. But am I wrong to be prioritizing her and what’s right for our family?
Side note: Cara wanted BIL to raise the kids if something happened to her but obviously we can’t honor that.”
Another User Comments:
“This may be an unpopular opinion, but YTJ. I’m so sorry for your loss. You and your family are going through a heart-wrenching situation. And while I believe your mom’s comment was made during a moment of unimaginable sadness and anger, that doesn’t make it okay.
She shouldn’t have said it. All that said… She was your SISTER. Those children are family that you’ve known for years, and they are going through the worst time of their life. They’re just little kids. They need help and care and love.
The casualness with which you would potentially shrug them off into foster care — eh, maybe you’ll take them in, eh, maybe not — is just honestly mind-blowing to me. I know I’m on the outside looking in, and I can never REALLY say what I’d do in a situation until I’ve lived it, but I genuinely, without a doubt believe that if I were in your shoes and those kids went to foster care … I would never be able to look at myself in a mirror again.
If I were in your mom’s shoes, I’d be astounded at how callous my child is being to their b***d kin. I’m sorry, I know this is harsh, but … I just can’t follow your thought process at all. I’m sorry again.
This is a horrible situation for you all.” dbthrowawayrowaway
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are the worst aunt I’ve ever encountered in my life. You’re okay with letting your 3- & 6-year-old FAMILY go into the system to get a 10-year-old disabled child (that you met ONE time) out of it?
That is the most heartless stuff I’ve ever heard in my life. Don’t even call yourself an aunt tbh. No REAL aunt would ever do what you’re doing & your mom was justified in her comment. You clearly don’t care about them so they should know the truth.” sisitsathrowaway
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say YTJ, but begrudgingly because I don’t think being willing to adopt, especially a kid with an intellectual disability, is wrong. That said, your niece and nephew need you and your husband and the safe environment you can provide them.
They need love and stability from someone they’re bonded to. I can’t imagine putting Catalina above the other two.” neverthelessidissent
It's urs and ur fiancé's wedding. It's ur decision and yall made it. End of story.
Ur nephew will wind up in jail one of these days thanks to them.