People Unveil Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories To Seek Validation
22. AITJ For Teaching My Nephew To Be Grateful?
“My (f26) sister (f29) has a son, Eric, he’s eight years old. I don’t visit a lot, we live away, but I see them (and most of my family) at birthdays and holidays.
When I visit I usually buy Eric a toy or some candy, as he’s my only nephew. Tbh, I like to spoil him and maybe I am a little bit to blame for what happened too.
It was Eric’s birthday this week.
I visited them and I brought him a nice car toy, the car was quite big and had lights and stuff. When I got to the party I wished him a happy birthday and handed him the gift. He opened and he loved it, he said ‘So far this is the best one’, at the time I thought he was just excited but with what happened later I kinda get the idea it was more maliciously intended.
An hour or so after the party started, when everyone had already arrived, Eric made an announcement to the table at which the adults were sitting. He said that I have won and that I was now the person who he loved the most because my gift was the one he liked the most. I thought it was sweet that he liked it.
Then he told to my mom that her gift sucked (she brought him a board game) so he didn’t love her anymore, he also told one of his friends that next year he won’t be invited because his gift was poor (he gifted him a set of dinosaurs figures).
I think this whole thing of ranking the gifts people got them was pretty trashy, I expected my sister or her husband to say something, but they didn’t, they just laughed. So I told Eric that he’s not supposed to say that about his gifts, people get them what they can and he should be grateful for it.
He said that he doesn’t understand why he has to love people who don’t buy him nice gifts. I genuinely can’t believe my sister is teaching this crap to her son. His dad told him ‘Yeah, they should give you all the best’.
So I then again told him that a person’s worth is not about how expensive or big the gift they got him was and that if he thought that way then I will not be continuing to buy him gifts.
Eric started to cry, my sister told me off because I made him cry but most of my family and some of her in-laws were on my side and told them it was bad to teach their kid such a thing.
Our mom was quite affected and I wanted to leave too, so we left after that. My sister texted me later to call me a jerk for leaving before the candles were blown and for telling her child he won’t get any more gifts from me, she said I shouldn’t make empty threats to a child.
I said that it’s not empty and it’s not a threat, it’s a promise until they teach their kids some manners.
Am I wrong for discussing this when my nephew was present? Am l being unreasonable to him since he’s young?
And would I be wrong in the future if I keep my promise and do not buy him a gift the next time we see each other?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
At 8, he should know a little better; how to say thank you as a matter of good manners.
This is a parenting failure. And, if it continues, it’s reinforcing a transactional way of thinking about relationships that will be very harmful to him in the long run.
This is an issue of age-appropriate expectations. The parents should have taken the child aside and explained it to him.
Taking his side, even as a joke, sends the wrong message. Your sister should be apologizing to everyone and working on manners.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A lack of gratefulness is a sour trait to have and his parents are clearly teaching him this and enabling this behavior.
You addressed this with him in a respectful, age-appropriate way and your sister calling you a jerk clearly shows she has taught this behavior. You have no obligation to continue buying gifts for a child who hasn’t been taught gratefulness, hopeful this will teach him a lesson that his parents fail to.” Otherwise_Carob9190
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Dude I would have grabbed the car and board game, then left with my mom. Your sis and her husband have some nerve to teach their kid this crap, then double down when the entire family and friends are humiliated and call them out.
That kid is going to lose a lot of friends and partners because his parents are teaching him it’s okay for him to be so selfish and entitled.
He is 8 years old, he’s old enough to know that his words can hurt other people no matter their age.
Look at what happened to your mom and his friend’s feelings. Hurt all around.
Don’t give in until he learns to be more respectful because I doubt anyone kid there will want to go back to his birthday next year.” Intrepid-Database-15
21. AITJ For Having A Big Fight With My Sister Over A Pair Of Leggings?
“During a recent visit to my family home, I (26F) noticed that my younger sister (25F) was wearing a pair of leggings that looked exactly like the ones I had lost a year ago. When I asked her if they were mine, she quickly denied it.
However, I loved those leggings so much that I bought 2 pairs of the same ones ~2 years ago and left 1 spare at home to use later once the old pair was done for. Last year when I went home, I looked for the leggings everywhere, asked everyone in the house if they’d seen them, and made a big production of losing them, but finally couldn’t find them, so I assumed they were lost in the move.
As my sister continued to deny that the leggings belonged to me, I became suspicious. I knew that this particular design had been discontinued and was no longer available in stores because I tried to repurchase them after ‘losing’ them.
When I pressed her further and asked when she bought them, she said she purchased them a few months ago, which I knew was not possible. I showed her my old pair, which I coincidentally wore on this trip, and it was identical in size and design to the one she was wearing.
My sister is 6 inches taller than me, so we never buy the same size.
Finally, my sister switched her argument and said that because I had left them in our shared childhood bedroom and not claimed them for the last year, I couldn’t just come back and demand them back as I pleased. She continued to become very defensive and started insulting me, calling me an instigator, selfish, and problematic.
She even used vulgar language, calling me a spiteful jerk in front of the rest of our family.
Surprisingly, my parents took my sister’s side and criticized me for being selfish. They suggested that I should be less possessive of my clothes and that it was okay for my younger sister to ‘borrow’ them.
When I explained that the issue wasn’t about borrowing, but rather the fact that my sister took it and repeatedly lied to me, they still took her side and accused me of being unreasonable.
This incident made me reflect on the ongoing favoritism in my family, which has been an issue for me for a long time.
I feel like my parents often gaslight me and make me feel like I’m the problem. They even suggested that my stressful job was causing me to have ‘meltdowns’ and that I should quit and move back home.
I finally reached a breaking point and told my family that if they don’t change the way they treat me, I don’t want to continue having a close relationship with them.
This only made things worse, and my family labeled me as the problem yet again.
Although the issue may seem trivial on its own, there are deeper underlying problems in my family dynamic, and this incident with the leggings was just the tipping point.
I feel so strongly about this that I’m baffled that no one else feels that way. So am I the jerk for causing this big fight?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t borrow them: she stole them and then repeatedly lied about them.
When she could no longer maintain the lie, she resorted to insults and tried to blame you.
Your family’s response explains why she feels that it’s alright to behave in this way. This isn’t about the leggings: it’s about how you dared to challenge the golden child.
She can lie, she can steal and she can be verbally abusive and insulting, but you’re not allowed to say anything.” diminishingpatience
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister lied to you. Your family chose her side even when she admitted to taking them and lying about it.
They are gaslighting you by claiming you’re the one at fault here. It sounds like this behavior is not new for them. I’m not telling you to disown your family.
However, I will ask you why you’re tolerating their abusive behavior.
I don’t know if they will change, but I do know that there’s no way they will until you put your foot down.
You need to talk to your family and explain why their behavior is wrong and if they want you to be a part of their life, it has to change.” HammerOn57
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ and you are not the ‘problem’ in your family. Your parents and sister are unreasonable and approaching toxic. The suggestion that you can’t handle the stress of your current job is ridiculous. It is your family’s attempt to infantilize you and get you back under their control.
The last thing in the world you want to do is quit your job and move back home.
It’s time to go low or have no contact with your immediate family for a while. It will shock you how quickly they will fall apart without the designated family scapegoat.
Your sister may start to hear that she isn’t the golden child if you aren’t there to blame for anything that goes wrong.” User
20. AITJ For Locking My Door To Avoid Uninvited Visitors?
“I (32M) live alone in a 1st floor flat – it’s a tiny two-bedroom place, but I will be mortgage-free in 18 months or so.
This area can be sketchy but is usually quiet, aside from the occasional ‘council estate stuff’ happening. I didn’t use to get many visitors before the recent global issue, and even less during – which suits me just fine. However, toward the end of 2021/22, I couldn’t help but notice a sharp increase in… how shall I say?
Nuisance callers. Salesmen, charity workers, obvious scammers, some trying to trick their way inside. 10 out of 10 times I told them NO – mostly I was polite, sometimes I wasn’t.
Access to my front door is up a staircase on the side – only one way in or out.
I have a sturdy door at the bottom that I used to leave open, now it remains shut and locked. I also now have a laminated sign on the door that reads: ‘Due to increased nuisance callers, this door now remains locked. Visitors by invitation only.’ I have a letterbox in the door, and the door leads only to my property – so I will not miss any mail or inconvenience any neighbors.
I didn’t think much more of the matter, but something happened the other day: I was walking home from work through the alleyway – a woman I passed stopped and glared at me like I’d done her some kind of wrong.
I did not know her so I just kept walking. But when I got to my door, she appeared by my side as I was unlocking the gate.
Her: WHY do you lock your gate now? I can’t knock on your door!?
Me: (confused) You need to speak to me? Can I help you?
Her: YES! There was a black car driving slowly down the road last night!
Me: (still confused) Yeah, I don’t have a car – just a bus pass and a bicycle.
Her: Yes, I see you ride in the mornings. But the car was driving slowly, and the windows were tinted! I wanted to let you know there are strange people on our road… but you lock your gate? And that sign is so cold and unfriendly!?
Me: (Shrugging) I had people turning up at all hours of the day, trying to sell me stuff. I work long hours and I don’t have the energy for it. You could pop a note through my letterbox?
Her: (Sighs, rolls her eyes) OK, so when I get mugged, I’ll just leave a note.
You young people are so cold and unfriendly these days.
Me: You got mugged?
Her: “Well no obviously – but… oh forget it, you’re not interested, are you?
And with that, she turned and walked away.
AITJ for putting the signup?
I feel I have a right to keep nuisance callers off my doorstep, but this lady is upset with me. Also, my coworker told me: ‘The sign is a bit far.’ when I mentioned it to him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There is a difference between being neighborly and being noisy. If your pasture is on fire I’ll be NEIGHBORLY and help you put it out. But if there is a different car in your driveway than normal I’m not going to be NOISY and come over to see who’s visiting.
Because it is none of my business who you have over.
Trust me I don’t have any extra time or energy to be about anybody’s beeswax than my own much less have any to spare to be worrying about someone else’s bee’s wax.
It’s not about being cold and unfriendly it’s about being frugal with limited resources.” Mundane_Marsupial_61
Another User Comments:
“Why does your door need to be friendly? It’s a door. It’s there to keep the weather and people out. It’s not there to make sure Susan has a safe harbor from being mugged. That’s what Susan’s door is for.
It sounds like you’re fairly approachable and friendly. And might even share your phone number if someone nearby shares a concern that they might feel unsafe and want a big strong dude around? Rather than mildly unhinged concerns about slowly moving vehicles with tinted windows oh the horror.
NTJ” Rowanever
Another User Comments:
“From my understanding of her concerns, she’d also be a nuisance. She saw a black car with tinted windows driving slowly and needed to tell you about it. Cause obviously that’s super suspicious and there’s no possible way it could be someone who’s trying to find a specific address or just in general is unfamiliar with the area and tinted windows.
Clearly, that’s to hide the ski mask they’re wearing while they case your flat – yours specifically. How dare you not give direct access to your flat so she can warn you about every suspicious car, errant child, or the person wearing a trench coat she sees?
She coulda been mugged and it’ll be all your fault.
NTJ” murdocjones
19. AITJ For Taking My Friend's Phone And Deleting An Embarrassing Video Of Me On It?
“My friend filmed me while I was wasted basically confessing to loving him since we were kids. It isn’t something I ever would’ve said to him sober and I absolutely cannot let anybody else see that video because he’s seeing my best friend and it would hurt her if she saw it.
I asked him to delete it multiple times but he would always turn it into a joke and refuse.
He promised he wouldn’t show it to anybody else but he watched it in front of me in places where anybody could’ve overheard so I didn’t trust him and I secretly deleted it from his phone.
He’s mad at me for taking his phone, deleting the video, and because he thinks I looked at other things on it. The only thing I did was delete the video but he doesn’t believe me. My best friend knows he’s mad at me but doesn’t know why, but he threatened to tell her and is claiming he had the video backed up which I think is pretty crappy of him.
I don’t plan to apologize to him because I feel like he forced my hand as he should’ve deleted it when I asked him to.
But… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your friend certainly is.
He filmed you without your consent, then refused to delete the video.
While I’m generally against deleting things from other people’s phones, I can’t blame you in this instance.
I’d talk to your best friend and get ahead of this. Explain what happened (without fully disclosing what you said in the video), including the fact that he constantly played that video to you around others where it was likely that it would cause hurt and embarrassment.
I’d also let her know that you did not consent to him filming you and that you are hurt and angered by his actions.
If you take away the shock value and get your version out there, that video won’t have any power over you.” MerryMoose923
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Don’t get me wrong, buddy with the video also sucks, doesn’t seem great, but… like… confessing your feelings to your best friend’s significant other IS a crappy thing to do. You’re still responsible for what you do while wasted. Him filming it?
Also kind of crappy, but not remotely criminal. Taking his phone and deleting the video? Also pretty crappy. Yes, having the video was crappy, but he didn’t sneak into your room to take it, you came to him and spilled your guts and he filmed it.
You both made bad choices.
But you decided to go one further, the possible consequences you might have to have for your own choices and decisions were enough to make you violate someone else’s privacy, which you very much did.
His filming it was crappy, but that was still his video, all he got was the video of you telling him things you wanted to tell him at that moment, you literally brought that to him, and then you decided you wanted to put your genie back in your bottle and regardless of everybody’s else’s rights, you wanted what you want.
That guy? Probably a creep, definitely a bit of a d-bag, but I have no idea why anyone is telling you that you’re not the jerk, I don’t know what they’re sniffing, you suck just as bad as this guy.
Seriously, getting wasted doesn’t make it ok or not your fault or anything else, you still chose to basically make a move on your ‘best friend’s’ SO, that’s low. If buddy had taken the video and immediately gone to show your friend, I don’t think he’d be the bad guy at all, that would have been actually looking out for his SO and keeping her in the loop in regards to what her so-called friend was doing.
It’s only the way he made a joke of it that makes him a jerk, and none of that makes you any better, it’s just that you both suck now.
A really straightforward ‘everyone sucks here’. Confessing your love for your best friend’s SO is a crappy thing to do, that OP is somehow the good guy in this story is ridiculous.
The girl/’best friend’ is the one getting the short end.” SaltyDangerHands
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for trying to shoot your shot with your best friend’s SO. He’s a jerk for recording the video. YTJ again for removing things from property that wasn’t yours.
I understand that he was using you in a weak moment but that’s the sacrifice you make while drinking. If I wouldn’t have used my ex in a moment of weakness, I’d have no video proof of him threatening to kill me while he was wasted in the middle of our kitchen claiming he didn’t know where he was.
You need to tell your friend and expect that she will be upset. But people who would tell you that she’s a ‘bad friend’ if she chooses him over you are wrong. You tried to confess your love to her SO and you were recorded doing it.
You aren’t upset that you did it, you’re upset that you got caught doing it.” shaynawill
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ‘everyone sucks here’, but I feel like that’s not even the point.
There is some weird, unaddressed love triangle crap going on here.
He loved having that video of you confessing your feelings waaaay too much. He wasn’t rewatching it for laughs. He has some kind of conflicted feelings too. Or gets off on the self-esteem boost from having a significant other AND sensual tension with the girl’s friend.
He’s also way too worried about what else you might have seen on his phone. Yikes! That makes me suspicious.
But the way he handled this is definitely emotional blackmail. Huge red flag. Do not engage with this messed-up dynamic.
His behavior will hopefully end whatever crush you have on him.” C0V1Dsucks
18. AITJ For Asking My Partner Not To Leave Me Alone?
“Last week, my (29m) younger cousin (21m) passed away unexpectedly. It came as a huge shock and has taken a massive toll on my family. In the meantime, I have been there for my family and other younger cousins to support them.
I thought I was doing okay and shielded myself and others thinking my emotions were in check. Though, I’ve come to realize I’m not fine at all. I feel utterly sad, lonely, and anxious. These feelings are exacerbated when I’m alone.
My partner (26f) socializes every Monday and Tuesday night, and all day Saturday. For context, she has a real sense of community through this and a great group of friends. This is something she has lacked before and gets a real mental health boost from this.
I love seeing her so happy.
So I mentioned to her yesterday that I was struggling and that being alone made it worse. I asked if she would stay in the house to be with me yesterday night and tonight.
She agreed to yesterday but not tonight. She cited her need to look after her own mental health. She has suggested I speak to my family or friends. The truth is, I don’t want to burden my family, who are hurting, and I don’t have any friends who I’d feel comfortable being vulnerable with.
So she offered alternative solutions but I find the most comfort in her.
Why I’m upset about this is because I’ve supported her in the past and been her rock in times of need. Yet, in my time of need, I am not seemingly a priority.
Today, I’ve communicated with her as if everything’s cool and okay; but, really, I’m disappointed and feel this isn’t how to treat a partner of six years going through a tough period.
AITJ? I see her perspective, and that she has provided alternative solutions, but my head’s too foggy to think clearly.”
Another User Comments:
“Honey, first I am so sorry for your loss.
I understand not wanting to be alone, I also understand why she has suggested you lean on other loved ones as well as her.
She can not support you without taking care of herself.
She can not carry your load without also carrying her own. Could she have explained this better to you? Absolutely. This situation sounds like a miscommunication. Talk to her, and find out if she’s worried that you’re asking her to prioritize you forever.
If she is new to taking care of her mental health, asking her to stay home could have made her feel like her continued recovery was at risk. She may also be struggling with this sudden loss and is worried about placing that burden on you by sharing.
This is a delicate situation so I’m saying ‘no jerks here’. Talk to her honey. I’m sending you the biggest hug.” Personal_Regular_569
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand her need to look after her own mental health and I firmly believe in the ‘a partner is not a pacifier’ principle.
But you’re not in a normal situation, and you’re not asking her to do this as a regular thing. You’ve lost somebody important to you, and you’re asking for a couple of days. That’s well within reason, and I think she should be supporting you that far unless there’s an important factor we aren’t hearing or something.” VoyagerVII
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your request was not unreasonable under the circumstances, but it’s also not unreasonable for her to recognize what she needs for her own mental health and where she can compromise. Your grief over your cousin isn’t going to evaporate in a few days, so she needs to be able to support you through a prolonged grieving period.
But she cannot do that for you if she stops taking care of her own mental health and falls into a bad place herself where she can’t provide you with any of the support you need.” morgaine125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do need support but not wanting to burden your family just means you want to place all responsibility on your partner and that’s not fair either. You might find that talking with your family is super helpful and cathartic because they knew your cousin and can share in your grief.
Your grief isn’t a burden btw. It’s ok to ask for support when you need it. Your feelings are valid.
That said, her taking a few days out from socializing to focus on you shouldn’t detract from her mental health.
She is coming off as pretty selfish here. You should tell her how it makes you feel that she isn’t willing to be supportive during a really hard time. Her reaction will be really telling.” manonaca
17. AITJ For Refusing To Work An Extra Shift?
“I (24 female work) as a CNA. I work the night shift for a small branch of nursing, after-surgery recovery centers in my city.
They are all run together by my boss (female late 30s). Everyone knows that there is a shortage of CNAs’ healthcare workers. So no surprise we run short too. This has caused many of us to pick up extra shifts and work OT every week.
Mind you normal work shift is 12 hrs. So I was working 16 hrs back to back. I didn’t mind it because it was winter nothing to do in the snow. I needed the extra funds since my car decided it was going to die without my permission.
I had my first day off after working 8 days straight of 16-hr shifts (6 pm-10 am) and to be honest some of those days. I stayed past the legal 16 hrs because we had no one. I was burnt out and just wanted to sleep.
I had just gotten home around 2 pm. When I got a call from my manager demanding! I had to come back in tonight at 6 pm. Because the other night girl called in again. I told her no, that’s not happening I’m way too tired to drive let alone take care of residents handling NORCs.
She got upset and told me there isn’t anyone else to cover and that she delegating this shift to me. I told her sounds like you have to cover for once and I don’t get paid enough to figure this out.
She was yelling If I don’t show up she is going to write me up and charge me for abandonment. I start to record this conversation with her after she said that. We argued and I hung up on her.
I told myself I’m quitting but went to sleep.
A couple hours later a hear a knock on my door. I thought it was my mom bringing my dog back to me. But realize my mom has a key to my place.
Went to see because there wasn’t any other reason for anyone knocking on my door. It was an officer, thinking the worst I opened the door to go out by him. He must’ve seen the worried look on my face.
He was extremely sweet towards me. Told me his wife called him if he could give me a lift since I’m on the way and he starting his shift. He was under the impression that I was covering but didn’t have a ride to work.
Told him it was not needed and explain everything to him. I had my phone on me when the manager called me. I answered she goes since you were too tired to drive she got her husband to come give me a ride.
She took my phone and said we need to talk and hung up. He gave me my phone and told me to put DND. I told the officer to have a safe shift. He goes I get it get some rest.
I feel bad because he went out of his way to come get me I’m not ‘on the way’ for anyone. I maybe should’ve just sucked it up and gone in. Now they might get in a fight because of me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this woman needs to be fired. She could also get her husband in trouble for doing that I’m sure! But she also gave your address to her husband, who to you is a strange male. Please get the rest you need, OP.
Get your notes straight and get to HR! Who knows who else she’s harassing like this, but this is all not okay. She’s going to end up costing the hospital a lot of funds with some sort of lawsuit whether it comes from abusing the employees or due to a malpractice of a patient by overworked staff.
You are not the jerk and don’t let her or anyone else try to let you think otherwise. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this at your work. You’ll get through it.” Boxed_Juice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Unequivocally not in the wrong here.
I get your boss is probably under a ton of pressure but this is multiple violations on her part. Sending a cop to your door because you wouldn’t do overtime?!
Nurses of every variety are grossly overworked and underpaid.
You told her very clearly you didn’t feel safe to drive due to fatigue but somehow she thinks you’ll be able to provide adequate care for patients? Is she gonna wear the responsibility if you give a patient the wrong meds?
If she’s the manager and struggling to fill shifts then it’s her responsibility to sort it out whether she needs to speak with her higher-ups or what-have-you, not intimidate her current staff into doing overtime on their day off.
No concern of yours whatsoever.” havoc_ado
Another User Comments:
“Loyalty is weaponized by management to get more work out of you. You likely know the laws regarding work hours better than I do. It sounds like she pressured you into doing something illegal. Make sure HR knows this.
16 hours on, 4 off, then back on is unsafe. I don’t know the relationships, but if they’re contracted to deliver more hours than they can deliver that’s their problem, and if it’s the same company is doing the surgery they should cancel elective procedures.
They are putting their bottom line above your health.
NTJ” Puzzleheaded-Sign-46
16. AITJ For Not Trusting My Roommate Enough To Share My Car With Him?
“I have a roommate, Tom (23M), who I’ve been living with for about six months.
We get along well, and our arrangement has been pretty smooth. But a recent issue has come up, and I’m not sure if I’m being an unreasonable jerk.
Tom doesn’t have a car, but he recently started a new job that’s a bit far from our apartment.
The public transportation options aren’t great, and his commute can take over an hour each way. I have a car, which I use for work and errands. Tom has never asked to borrow it before, but last week, he asked if he could use my car to drive to and from work a few times a week.
He said he would chip in for gas and maintenance costs.
I’m hesitant for a few reasons. First, I’m worried about wear and tear on my car. It’s a few years old, but I’ve been meticulous about taking care of it, and I don’t want to see it deteriorate faster.
Second, I’m concerned about the potential liability if Tom were to get into an accident. And finally, I just feel uncomfortable with the idea of someone else using my car regularly. I’ve always seen my car as a personal space, and I don’t want to share it.
I told Tom that I’m not comfortable with the arrangement, but I offered to help him find alternative solutions, like carpooling or renting a car. He didn’t take it well, saying that I’m selfish and that I don’t care about his struggles.
He even said that if I were a true friend, I would let him use my car without hesitation.
I feel guilty for not helping him out, but at the same time, I feel like my concerns are valid. So, AITJ for not wanting to share my car with my roommate?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your car is probably the most expensive thing you own and he wants to use it 3 times a week? I bet he will ask to use it more later when he gets comfortable.
If he wrecks it, he may not help fix it, you would have a deductible on your insurance, you’d be out of a car for a while and your rates would go up.
You have only known him several months, you don’t owe him anything.
He’s a grown man and needs to figure out how to get to work by himself.” Unhappy-Prune-9914
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I bet most people would love to have a car to use when they wanted to and not have to pay for the car and the insurance.
No one is entitled to use stuff you sacrificed your time for. I would want to limit the miles put on the car in order to maintain the most resale value and to stretch out the need for maintenance.
If he wants a car, he can do what most people do and buy his own.
He may have to work more hours or sacrifice somewhere in his spending. Why should you make sacrifices for him? Don’t let yourself be manipulated or taken advantage of.
It is really selfish of him to think that you owe him a car to use when he has done nothing to earn it.” ContentedRecluse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is not a friend. He is a roommate. Your roommate needs to stay in his lane. You owe roommates nothing except respect for communal areas, keeping things clean, etc. No way does it say you have to lend them your car.
A car is a major asset and a means to keep and obtain work. It takes an enormous amount of maintenance and costs of insurance, gas, etc. Your concerns are perfectly valid. Look, the playbook for persuading anyone to get you to do what they want is to call you selfish, mean, stuck up, a poor friend, blah blah.
They might even go so far that they would do it for you.
News flash, no moocher ever returns the favor. In all my scummy scamming uncle’s 80 years of life he never, ever, ever returned any favors. Not once, but he certainly took everything from everyone, including their cars.
He said you don’t care about his struggles, just reply, he is right.” User
15. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Cancel Her Weekend Work To Spend Time With Us?
“I am a proud father of three (24F, 18M, and 16F). I planned for everyone in the family to go out of town as a surprise especially because things have been tough on us lately.
I called my oldest daughter, Emma and she said she couldn’t make it because she had to babysit that weekend. Emma is a professional nanny and she now works full-time for a family of two moms with two kids.
I told her if she could please cancel the weekend and spend the day with us but she said that she had promised the family she’d care for their kids and that they were going out of town for a getaway without kids.
I’m kind of sad because they’re very understanding and Emma could cancel and they’d be okay but she doesn’t want to. She’d rather give them a vacation than spend time with us and I told her this.
She said she loved her job and I was being a jerk for pushing this.
Does it make me a jerk to want to spend time with my daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s an adult with a JOB, you also an adult with a job should be fully aware you cannot always duck out for a trip.
JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK THE TRIP IS IMPORTANT, DOES NOT MAKE IT SO FOR HER.
She’s a full-time nanny, possibly even living-in, which means she cannot just ‘Take time off’. If you don’t respect what she does just say that because it’s obvious.
Take this as a lesson because your 18-year-old will soon enough ALSO have a schedule which means you need to TALK TO AND PLAN THINGS OUT WITH THE OTHER ADULTS.” Fun-Replacement1998
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She gets PAID to babysit those kids, she isn’t doing this for free OP.
Be proud that she is willing to stay committed to work instead of bailing last minute/in the middle of it. You’re NTJ for wanting to spend time with family but you’re a jerk if you push her further
Next time you want to do a family thing, plan it. Making surprise things is often a horrible idea because of the expectation of having to drop everything to attend. Re-plan this and set the dinner for a day and time that makes sure everyone involved is available to attend.” DJ_Too_Supreme
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Imagine a father telling someone to blow off a work commitment for an impromptu out-of-town getaway. Your eldest daughter shows that she has more responsibility than you and that her word actually means something (something that you could learn a thing or two about).
Imagine saying you’re proud and then acting in such a childish manner without any integrity.
Next time how about planning a trip where everyone can attend ahead of time without needing to cancel work? Not everyone can just get up and go on a whim and even if it is somehow possible, the sheer lack of professionalism… just embarrassing.” DrPHP
14. AITJ For Cooking Food According To My Diet?
“I (34F) have been with my husband Abe (43M) for 7 years. My stepdaughter, Jamie (19F) lives at home with us. We generally all have very peaceful, loving relationships with each other and very few disagreements so them both being annoyed with me is very upsetting.
I’ve always done the vast majority of the cooking because it just made sense – my work has been remote since long before 2020, I’m an excellent cook and I legitimately enjoy being in the kitchen. Abe and Jamie are both pickyish eaters.
It’s not terrible; they’re not like pizza-only people but they dislike a lot of types of cuisine. They’ve been open to enough foods though that accommodating them is fairly simple. I, on the other hand, love new foods and have a very adventurous palate.
I tried at the beginning of the relationship to add new things to my dishes but I quickly learned they weren’t going to eat them so I stuck to more basic meals and we compromised on take-out nights. Once or twice a week, I’d get takeout from somewhere they’d never consider trying and they’d get themselves pizza or subs or something like that.
It worked well for years.
I was diagnosed with celiac disease last year and most of my favorite places are celiac nightmares and the gluten-free places in my city were disappointing so takeout night is over for me.
Lately, I’ve been cooking meals I know they won’t like at roughly the same rate as our old takeout nights (1-2 a week) which has upset them both.
I don’t see any reason they can’t continue getting themselves takeout on those nights or just make themselves something. They’re both adults. But they both feel that my excluding 2/3 of the home to cater to myself is selfish and rude and that I have changed a dynamic that has stood for 6+ years with little warning.
They want me to consider cooking them a separate meal on those nights but I don’t want to. I’ve offered to teach Jamie to cook again (she’s never been interested) but she says ‘That’s not the point’ and then doesn’t elaborate on what her point actually is.
My husband agrees and keeps telling me that I’m not acting like a member of a family by only considering myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It may not be intentional, but they’re being incredibly selfish. They should understand that this is your replacement for take-out nights, and their ignorance is appalling.
They already were used to take out at the same frequency, literally, nothing has changed for them. They’re actually unfairly putting more on you and changing YOUR dynamic while they get to sit and do nothing. If they want separate homemade meals they can do it themselves or go without.
Stand firm and don’t let them gaslight you into thinking you’re being unfair.” BRODOOLERINGO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re NOT a servant! They’re adults. They can either cook for themselves or order takeout like before.
Next time they complain, ask them if they have a medical condition that is preventing them from cooking or ordering food.
Offer to make Doctor appointments to get them checked over. Even better, just start dialing the clinic and make the appointment right then. Cus this is THEIR PROBLEM, not yours.” AlfalfaFloozy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They are adults. They can cook for themselves.
You aren’t their servant. You are a partner and a stepparent. They can order takeout or make something themselves. A 19-year-old should definitely be able to cook a few meals. It’s part of being an adult. And it’s honestly very sad that a 43-year-old man can’t make himself dinner 1-2 nights a week or press a few buttons on a phone to have someone deliver food to him.” SomeMidnight411
I'd stop working remotely if I could. Because they can't expect you to cater to their every whim if your not there, then they'll have to learn to take turns cooking.
They are being ridiculous. NTJ
13. AITJ For Calling My Homophobic Aunt "Spiteful And Miserable"?
“I (27F) went to dinner with my family, including my younger brother ‘Jack’ (25M). Jack has been out as gay since he was 16 and is currently seeing ‘Ben’ (26M).
For context, our aunt ‘Judy’ (62F) used to be openly homophobic. She would always ask Jack when he was getting a partner, asking why he didn’t want kids (he never said he doesn’t), etc. Since then, she’s been less open about her bigotry but whenever she’s around we can expect a boatload of microaggressions.
Back to last night: We were sitting at the dinner table, eating and talking. Judy mostly kept her conversations with Jack to school and work. She never interacted with Ben.
Eventually, the conversation turned to politics. Judy is very ‘traditional’ and conservative, and she, of course, had some backward opinions to share.
Judy started bashing gay marriage and trans rights, and Ben spoke up. Jack backed him up, and Judy started right at them and said ‘I pray for you boys. I think you’re deeply misled and confused’.
Everyone looked shocked. My older brother ‘Lenny’ (29M) looked mad.
I got up and started screaming at Judy, calling her a spiteful old lady and a miserable jerk.
I wish I articulated myself better, but at the moment I just saw red. Lenny took Ben and Jack back to our house.
I stayed back for a few minutes and gathered my things. My parents left shortly after.
My cousin texted me later that night saying that the event was awkward after, but she understands why I got so mad. My parents told me that everything I said was right, but I should’ve toned it down just a bit.
Thinking about it today, I wish I chose my words a bit better but in all honesty, Judy has always been what I called her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m proud of you.
But I highly suggest you and everybody around you stop enabling your aunt.
Engaging her in her bigoted crap and even having her at events is just enabling her to continue to act the way she does and believe the things she believes. Cut her off and cut her out. She’s not a positive influence on your life, anyways.
The only way to teach these kinds of people is to make them the excluded ones. Make them the different, ‘wrong’ ones. Either she will continue to play the victim and revel in it and prove she won’t change her crappy self, or she will shape up and at least learn the shut her noise-hole.
If people stop enabling her nonsense games she’ll learn to shut up.” KuhLealKhaos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can only take so much until you just can’t take it anymore. and quite honestly, maybe it’s time someone puts your aunt in her place.
it seems like she solicits her opinions without being asked, rather than it being part of an open conversation, and that in itself creates tension. thank you for standing up for your brother and his SO. By doing so, you also stand up for anyone else going through the same thing.” AcadiaRealistic2090
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Homophobes don’t deserve respect because they don’t give it. Jack is lucky to have such a supportive sister who has his back and speaks up for him. Aunt Judy can keep her homophobia to herself if she doesn’t want to be yelled at.” bethholler
12. AITJ For Not Letting Go Of My Cat Just To Keep My Husband's Untrained Dog?
“My husband and I have 2 boys.
I have a cat (6) and he has a dog (2). I’ve never been a dog person. I knew I had to get over my trauma eventually so after months of harping on me about getting a dog, I allowed it but it wasn’t without protest. I actually adore some dogs (like my mom’s girl who is hands down probably the best dog on this planet).
But in most cases.. I truly just don’t like them and it’s not the dog’s fault, but the owners and lack of training. So when I finally caved and ‘let him’ get a dog, I made it very clear that he was to train the dog and that I would not be responsible.
He got the dog two years ago and she is a terror. 100% my husband’s doing. It’s not even her fault.
So… she still gets in the garbage. Still has accidents inside. Her anxiety is to the point of her whining nonstop and constantly underfoot.
She barks and whines whenever she is in the vehicle (and he insists on bringing her everywhere). She’s reactive. She’s food driven to the point of excessively sniffing the floors for hours on end and never stops until she tires herself out.
She stares at you whining whenever you have food. I was just able to get her to stop nipping faces (her idea of ‘playing and showing affection’ if you go based on what my husband claims). He is the problem.
But it admittedly has made me feel like I’m held captive in my own home. My kids also don’t want this dog and never have. But again, it’s because of my husband.
Well, we found a rent-to-own that my husband desperately wants.
He fell madly in love with it. We have honestly been searching for a while but they’ve made it clear that only one pet is allowed. My immediate reaction was ‘Well, this won’t work’, whereas his reaction was ‘Who can we get to take the cat’.
I told him I wasn’t willing to get rid of my cat so he can keep his untrained dog that no one wants but him. He thinks I’m a jerk because I ‘don’t have the same bond with the cat that he does with the dog’.
I can see his point, as he has an unhealthy obsession with his dog and she is the exact same way with him. But I still won’t do it. He says this may be the only chance we have for a while to get into a home (which also could be true).
But I still stood firm. He won’t speak to me and has been snuggling his dog nonstop for 4 days straight. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ask him to get rid of his dog. He didn’t even ask; he ASSUMED you would get rid of your cat.
Add the fact that he’s an irresponsible dog owner and a selfish man who doesn’t care how much his dog annoys his wife and children who have to share a house with them, and how the dog herself isn’t happy because he isn’t providing her with a healthy bond and home life.
He’s the jerk for sure. It’s unfortunate that this housing opportunity won’t work for your family. But you’d only be a jerk if you actually get rid of your cat.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments;
“NTJ
The cat was there before.
You love the cat. You don‘t give up family members.
He either keeps looking for another place to rent or moves in with his untrained dog alone.
It‘s a deal-breaker when people don‘t train and raise their dogs.
They simply don‘t understand the burden and potential danger of an untrained dog.
Stand your ground. Cat was family first. An untrained dog is untrained and your husband seems not to plan on training him.
Also, he lacks empathy.
It‘s disgusting how he immediately jumps on rehoming the cat.” InkedAlly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like your husband is willing to prioritize the dog over you and your children’s wellbeing. You had the cat first and he pressured you into accepting the dog, he broke his promise to train it (resulting in bad behavior) and now he thinks the cat is the pet that should go?
It’s ridiculous but, OP, this is a hill to die on. Not even so much for the cat (though after 6 years I imagine you are attached), but for your kids, who need to see you taking a stance against toxic behavior.
At this point, your husband must choose between the dog and his family because if he can badger you into letting him have his way (again), then the next ridiculous idea he has might be even worse.” Helpful_Hour1984
11. AITJ For Putting A Lock On My Snacks?
“I work in an office and share it with a couple of people.
I like to snack I eat through the day instead of having a huge lunch I just have a little snack and watch an episode of my current show. I always bring it from home on Mondays. This week it was delicious cheese, crackers, apples, cereal, and oh-so-wonderful jello.
A coworker of mine let’s call her Maddie (from a different office) saw my snacks and knows I snack mentioned how much I brought and they looked good. I said thanks and started putting it away in my drawer and fridge leaving the jello out because I was going smack on that amazing strawberry jiggle.
I left work early on Monday and left my jello out. I came in Tuesday and my office mate said ‘Lock your drawers because people trying to take your stuff’ (she is the real MVP).
I 100% don’t mind sharing when people ask but to just take my stuff without permission?
As an only child that’s a huge no-no for me. My officemates know this. They also bring in snacks for themselves and we often time treat it like elementary school lunch trading snacks during our lunch period.
A different coworker, Steve, came in and tried taking MY jello off my desk.
Our MVP said no-no don’t take her food. Steve said ‘She shares. I can take it’. MVP said, ‘No, that’s her snack from her home if you want snacks, bring it in as she does’. Steve left defeated.
Maddie comes in and said, ‘Can I have a key to your fridge?
I want cheese’. MVP once again guarded the goods.
I locked up all my snacks.
Maddie comes in a couple of hours later taking Tums out of my drawer. This time our hero cannot stop her.
On Tuesday, I come back and lock up all my snacks.
I have to get up and move around constantly one of the times I wasn’t there once again Maddie comes creeping. She was not successful. She asks me why I have everything locked.
I said ‘Because thieves come in and take stuff without permission’.
She got really silent and walked away. Though my mom said she might have thought it was ok since I share and said I was a jerk.
Am I? Isn’t it basic human knowledge that taking stuff without permission is stealing?
Even if I share. Also, everyone has my number can if they’re truly hungry can text me and ask.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are not a jerk. I don’t know what made these entitled coworkers of yours think that your snacks are for everyone.
Even if someone gave me some of their snacks at work and made it seem like they are fine with sharing. I wouldn’t go to their area and take their snacks when they aren’t there. And woooow, the nerve of her asking for the key.
Why does she think it’s locked in the first place? Bears?? Lock it all up and don’t give the key to anyone, except maybe your MVP snack guardian coworker.” hereforyounot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you caused this problem yourself by telling people that you didn’t mind sharing.
Typically in a social situation, sharing is usually followed by ‘help yourself’. If you bring extra cookies in and put them in the break room, most people don’t feel they need to come and ask you if they can have a cookie.
If you don’t intend for people to help themselves, then you need to be clear that you’re not sharing.” dell828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your coworkers have a total lack of manners and boundaries. You have repeatedly told them no. Outside of some dystopia like a zombie apocalypse, it’s really weird for adults to rifle through someone’s things to steal their snacks.
Don’t mention it again, but keep every crumb locked. If anyone complains, say it made you feel really disrespected for the office to act like entitled pirates tossing your stuff, looking for your food to steal so you’d go hungry every day.
It’s inappropriate, and since a simple ‘no’ did not suffice, you had to lock it up.” Shdfx1
10. AITJ For Wanting My Niece To Stop Being Vegan?
“My sister has 4 kids Maria (16f), Liam (16), Willow (13), and Teddy (10). My sister made some really bad choices that led to her being disowned by our parents and left her very poor.
Another thing to know is that she absolutely spoils Maria. We live in a country where special vegan items (vegan meat, etc.) cost 3x more than normal food. However, we have many plant-based dishes that are absolutely vegan-friendly. But my niece won’t eat them (forgot to make that clear)
Maria decided to become vegan when she was 14 and she demanded my sister buy her special vegan stuff this meant much nicer things for her while my other nephews and niece have eaten worse food.
I usually send food anytime there is anything extra left over and usually lend her some funds.
When Maria became vegan and Liam told me about what they were eating my family and I end up sending some sort of meat dish to them 2x a week but I also stopped lending my sister some funds.
My sister finally got upset with me on Friday and asked me why I stopped helping her financially and only send non-vegan food because it’s making Maria upset and I told her that it’s because of Maria.
I told her that unless Maria stops being vegan and she stops spoiling Maria I wouldn’t help her.
She hasn’t talked to me since then and I’m wondering if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maria is 16 years old.
She can get a part-time job if she wants to eat expensive food different from the rest of the family. Her choice to be vegetarian does not trump having enough food for the other kids. You are supplementing all of their groceries.
Rice & beans are a good cheap vegetarian option that provides all the amino acids found in meat. If they are struggling to get enough to eat one person doesn’t not get more of the food budget that the others.” winesis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have no obligation to bail out your sister for her bad life choices. It’s disheartening to see how she favors one child over the others. It’s very noble that you want to help them eat a decent meal as often as possible.
The fact that she gets mad at you for not giving her funds shows just how ungrateful and entitled she is. I would not give her another cent; she doesn’t deserve it if she wastes it on expensive food for only one family member to enjoy.
If you want any charitable involvement with her family, just sending food is fine.” 5cott861
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are entitled to spend your income however you want. You are also entitled to put stipulations on any help you decide to give.
Your sister can choose to turn down your help if she doesn’t agree with the stipulations. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your niece being vegan there is however something extremely wrong with your sister allowing her other children to go malnourished to accommodate her oldest dietary preferences.” Such-Awareness-2960
But choosing to feed the kids who the parents are failing to budget to provide for, while they overspend to accommodate one child's preferences seems reasonable. Possibly a harsh wake-up call if the sister really hadn't realised it had hit "your other children are crying to me that they aren't getting fed properly because of this. If I give you money, it will be used to spoil one of your children, not provide for your family as a whole, and I refuse to support that. I am therefore helping the kids who are currently being deprived right now. Do better" but it also sounds like the sister needs to step back and see that reality if it's accurate...
9. AITJ For Allowing My Son To Not Pay Us Rent?
“My oldest son (24) is not my wife’s biological child and is my child with my late wife.
My late wife and I bought a three-bedroom house when we got married. When I remarried, my current wife moved into this house with me, but I never put her name on the deed. The house was only in my name.
My wife and I ended up having several children and needing to move into a bigger house. When we bought our new home, she wanted me to sell the old one. I said no, that this home was something my late wife and I purchased with the hope of one day passing it on to our son.
I would make it a rental property instead. That was one of the biggest fights we ever had. She insisted we compromise, but I refused to do so.
When my son graduated from college, I put his name on the deed to the house with mine, which was another fight, but I felt he was the appropriate inheritor of his mother’s share.
I didn’t share any of the rental income with him though, as I was still paying all the taxes and insurance. At this point, the mortgage is paid off. I net over 2k a month from this house, which goes into the household budget.
My son just got engaged and wants to move into the house after he marries his fiance. He suggested he pay half rent and eventually buy out my share of the house.
I told my son I agreed to his plan of saving up to buy out my share, but instead of paying rent, he should just take over the taxes and insurance.
We agreed to this. My wife is livid and says I am a massive jerk for dramatically decreasing our household income without consulting her. She likened my decision to financial mistreatment. I suggested we downsize to a smaller house now that our oldest two kids are leaving the nest, and we can rent out the larger one and be in the same situation as before (owning two homes and getting rental income from one).
She called me a selfish jerk and won’t speak to me now.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your son’s name is on the title. You have zero right to charge him any form of rent – he is an equal owner to you at this point.
His paying the taxes and insurance is reasonable since he is using the home as a primary residence, but he is an equal owner and thus has an equal right to use the property. Frankly, he should have been getting half of the rental income as soon as his name was on the property (payment for you denying him the use of what was now joint property), but what’s done is done.
Your wife is mad because the household is losing the rental income, but honestly, it’s a tough situation. It surely isn’t ‘financial mistreament’ and I suspect she’s just angry because you dared to care about your son when he’s not one of her children.” Lithorien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s not your wife’s house. It never was. She seems to have some misplaced entitlement. This isn’t financial mistreatment, not even close. While I agree that couples should come to a mutual decision on financial matters, she should have stayed clear of this one.
All of your reasoning for doing what you did what right and just. If anyone is being abusive, it’s her. You can tell her that silence is an abusive form of manipulation. She sounds incredibly selfish, to be honest.” SignificantCareer565
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your son was morally entitled to his mother’s share of the house. Not your new wife or your joint children. Your wife trying to take it from him is financial mistreatment maybe not legally but morally.
She is being greedy… Your son’s name is not Cinderella.
You need to have it out with your wife, truth is she will probably outlive you and with what is going on in likelihood your son from your previous marriage will not benefit from her will.
You are just getting ahead of it.
It wasn’t her property she doesn’t get a say. BUT and it’s a big one she wanted the property sold and now it has been… to your son. She got her way just not in the way she thought she is going to have to wait for the funds.” Whitestaunton
8. AITJ For Being Mad At My Aunt For Outing Me To My Mom?
“I am a 19-year-old gay man and kept it a secret from pretty much everyone, but especially my parents, because I was scared of the possibility of them judging me.
The previous week I was spending time with my aunt, who has always been good to me and treated me well, almost like a good friend. I ended up opening up about my s*******y and telling her how scared I am to tell my parents.
She said that she knows that my parents will accept me no matter who I am, but I asked her to keep this a secret because I couldn’t be sure. She gave me a promise.
Fast forward to a few days ago, my mom had a serious talk with me.
She told me she found out about me being gay from my aunt and that she felt offended that I thought she might not accept me. And she did accept me, which I was thankful for.
But I snapped at my aunt for revealing my secret.
I said I don’t care about the outcome, this was something personal I could trust her with and now I feel like my trust for her was broken and I want nothing to do with her at this point. She said she had good intentions only but I said that it isn’t a reason to reveal a secret.
She called me an ungrateful jerk and said that I would be living scared my entire life if it weren’t for her talking to my mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but woah boy is your aunt ever. She straight up outed you to your family despite your nerves and concerns.
That is a massive breach of trust.
The end result does not justify her breaking confidence and spreading your s*******y like hot gossip. There was a reason you were nervous and she didn’t take your feelings into consideration she just flapped her gums and acted like she knew what was best. That is an extremely immature, entitled, and toxic attitude.
Only you know when it’s right for you to come out and to whom. That’s a very personal thing and she took that from you.
Her attitude of you being ungrateful is bizarre and honestly just her deflecting. She did something wrong and is now trying to pass the blame back to you.
She’s gaslighting you. That’s not OK!
Also, your mom handled it really poorly. Instead of coming to you with love and acceptance and trying to figure out what she has done to make you feel unsure of her affections and unsafe to talk to her about an important part of your identity, she made it about herself and tried to guilt trip you.
Also unacceptable, and you can tell her I said so.
I’m sorry your coming out experience was less than ideal because of the actions of the self-centered adults in your life BUT congratulations on coming out! I’m proud of you!” manonaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is no one’s place to out you except you. It wasn’t her right to jump the gun and do this for you, she should have given you the time and space to come to this decision on your own, and even if you did decide you never wanted to tell them it still wasn’t her place.
She’s deflecting accountability by calling you ungrateful because it’s easier than admitting to herself that she majorly screwed up and caused mistrust I am within your relationship.” MamaForTheLove
Another User Comments:
“What a malicious harpy.
NTJ, but everyone gay should know not to come out until he or she has reached financial independence.
Kids are still being thrown out onto the street by bigoted parents. You were wrong to trust your aunt.
And she didn’t expose you with good intentions – she didn’t know how that would turn out. She exposed you to feel power over your mother.
Like, I know a secret and you don’t.
Keep this aunt out of your life from now on, because she could have done serious harm to you. Locking her out will dramatize how viciously she behaved.” RealbadtheBandit
Please keep in mind that she was your mother's sister first..and your aunt second. And while you are not to blame for any of this, that she might have felt like she was in between a rock and a hard place. What if your mother found out or you finally told her you gay (sorry not trying to be offensive..not sure what's acceptable anymore) and your mom was fine but then she found out your aunt knew all along and didn't tell her. Who do you think is going to be the recipient of that ire? It's not going to be you. Oh she'll be offended you didn't trust her just like she was, and then take it out on her sister with "how dare you not tell me what was going on with my baby!"
Not everything is cut and dried and easy. Not for you...not for anyone including your aunt or parents. The fact that they've accepted that part of you is actually really great.
I don't blame you for feeling betrayed. I don't blame you for not feeling like you can trust your aunt. She shouldn't have deflected and called you ungrateful. She should have said yes I told your mom. I was trying to help but I respect you feel angry at me and Im sorry I wasnt able to keep your secret and hope you can forgive me one day.
You're NTJ. She did betray your trust. As you get older you'll realize there are different perspectives and right or wrong you gain wisdom when you attempt to understand other people's perspectives (although some people's perspectives are deplorable). It's not always cut and dried like it should be.
I wish you the best of luck!
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Throw A Big Birthday Party For Our Son This Year?
“My partner and I have a 3-year-old who is a good kid. My partner liked to host parties, and when he reached his first birthday, she wanted to have a big birthday party, but I managed to convince her to massively downsize to just us, our parents and siblings, and just have some cake, the little guy was still too young.
The next year she again talked about her plans to have a big party for our 2-year-old, but again I told her it would be just close family and a cake and a happy birthday song.
This year she told me about her plans and again I told her to just do something small, but this time she was frustrated and told me to let her do something bigger for our son for once.
I explained that it is ridiculous to have such big parties for toddlers, they will not remember anything. For example, when I was 2, my family threw me a huge birthday party, the theme was Toy Story, which had just come out.
I have no recollection of it, just some VHS tapes of me looking stupid in a Woody costume while the older kids had fun on their own.
She said it doesn’t matter because there will be lots of people taking pictures and he can just see them when he gets older.
I told her again that it would just be having fun at his expense, the little guy is a heavy sleeper who plays and runs for 30 minutes and then falls asleep on a sofa or a chair or his bed.
She still doesn’t understand my point of view, it’s not like he won’t ever have a birthday party, we should just wait until he’s like 6 or 7, you know when he can actually remember.
My partner is still mad at me and says she is going to plan a birthday party whether I like it or not.
I tried talking to her mom to see if she could talk some sense into her, only to be verbally slammed by her, telling me I’m depriving my child of a childhood. My mom says I should just do what my partner says because Dad’s word is not that important and I should know my place as a father.
I feel like I’m going crazy over this. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Why is it always your way, and never hers? You got your level of parties the first two years, why can’t she celebrate her child how she wants to this year.
But on a larger issue, you really need to examine why you think that your child’s experiences don’t matter unless he can remember them. Like, he still experiences those moments and it helps shape who he is whether he remembers it when he’s 30 or not.
He won’t remember being snuggled and hugged as a newborn, but it mattered to him in the moment and taught him that you were a source of comfort and security.
He won’t remember his first trip to the park or the zoo, but it mattered to him at the moment and taught him the joys of exploring new places.
He won’t remember all the times you comforted him when he hurt himself and cried as he hurt himself learning to walk and run, but it mattered in the moment and taught him that he can come to you when life gets hard.
If nothing matters before age 6 because he won’t remember anything, might as well ship him off to an orphanage until then right? Cause he won’t remember and it’s the same as him not experiencing any of his first six years?
Let him have that day to feel loved and special and celebrated.” Wild_Statement_3142
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, I agree that a 3-year-old kid probably won’t care about a huge party. Your partner clearly does though, and she already gave in the past two years.
Just let her have it the way she wants this time.
Also, you’re acting like you’re the one person who has seen the truth about life when you say things like ‘She still doesn’t understand my point of view’ (yeah, it’s clearly you who understand hers, having things your way twice already and being so annoyed when it might be the other way) and ‘I tried talking to her mom to see if she could talk some sense into her’ (because you’re clearly right about everything and people not following your view are not in their right minds).” DanutMS
Another User Comments:
“Massive YTJ
Your partner is right. Let her organize something for the poor little kid. The fact that you don’t look back at those pictures doesn’t mean that he won’t look back at these parties. You’re being unreasonable and the fact that you told her no twice and you’re doing it again for something that she wants to do for her son is not compromising at all.
You’re just shoving what you think is right onto her.
This is a relationship. Compromises are necessary.” AljosP
6. AITJ For Keeping $300 Worth Of Legos?
“Yesterday I was at a major store and like surreal one of those things you see on social media happened right in front of me where these women just pushing carts out, store people yelling at them, people filming and all that stuff.
As the women were putting stuff in their car they dropped 3 huge Lego sets. It seemed like no one was paying attention so I grabbed them and got in my car and drove off.
I didn’t know but my dad saw my Lock Screen and my boy texted me that I got about $300 worth of Legos.
My dad ask me where I got $300 from and I lied at first but finally, he said ‘Come clean or you’ll go stay with your mom’ and also then he told me my car was his car so I told him and he says now I have to return the Legos.
He doesn’t get that the boxes were damaged so they probably don’t want them back anyways. He says either I do this or he takes my car away and I have to go to my mom’s and transfer to her school where I won’t see my SO.
AITJ for taking those legos?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re stealing.
Take them back. If the store manager agrees that the boxes are items are as damaged as you say that they are, he may let you keep them anyway.
It may prove to be easier for him to claim everything as a loss than deal with those items. But take them back because it’s the right thing to do.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Listen if you went in and said these were from those ladies that just stole, they maybe would’ve given you one (probably the most damaged one) but at least you wouldn’t also be a thief.
The worst part is you trying to justify how you’re not but c’mon, what almost an adult (since you’re driving) steals LEGOS and gets mad when his dad says ‘Hey obviously you can’t be a thief go return these’ like???
Dude he could easily turn you in as well to teach you a lesson. Did you think of that? Just go return the toys, man.” Dat-Tiffnay
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but I’m not gonna lie, a lot of people might have been tempted to do what you did.
I get it.
The problem is you’re potentially on video doing this. You might think you’ve got away with it but you never know. If I were you, I’d just take them back. It gets your dad off your back at least. You can easily frame it to the store as you saw them drop the Lego, you took it when they weren’t looking and planned to return it once things calmed down.
Yes, it’s $300 worth of goods you’re missing out on, but honestly, it’s not worth the hassle. Take them back and just move on.” Correct_Nose7842
5. AITJ For Telling My Friend He's Setting His Son Up For Failure?
“My friend was the class clown for the entire school. Eventually, he decided that he didn’t want to; learn/do homework/sit exams. He left school with three GCSEs above a failing grade. (But only just).
The only reason he has done as well as he has now is down to his SO and her family getting him a job through their friends.
And even then he struggles to keep it.
You can not have a conversation about education without him going off on a long spiel about how broken it is, or how unnecessary it is. Often referring to himself as proof.
It’s gotten to the point where I don’t bring my kids around anymore, they both enjoy and do well at school so don’t need to hear how terrible or useless it is.
His son is now going to primary school, but he constantly sends him in with the wrong uniform, unapproved haircuts, wrong lunches, etc, etc, etc. I don’t doubt for a second that he is telling his son, that the teachers are wrong and he is right, to ignore them etc.
I don’t tend to comment, but I can’t help but think that having that mentality of doing what you want because school doesn’t matter anyway. Is a great way to start, even if some of the rules are a bit arbitrary.
But after a few drinks together… He made some comments about my time in college being a waste of time, how I missed out on something or other. Then started with how I pushed my kids too hard and/school wasn’t important.
Really going on about it.
Eventually, I had enough, I told him, I would rather have my kids do well and be happy than be set up for a life struggle. Because I sabotaged their learning.
He didn’t take it well, his SO isn’t speaking to my wife.
I’m of the opinion that you don’t talk about other people’s parenting if you don’t want a few home truths yourself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Drinking might have loosened his tongue. Yet I got the feeling this would have come to head out now between the two of you anyway.
It’s an incompatibility. It seems like you don’t respect him or his approach to education and he doesn’t respect your commitment to it.
Sometimes we have friends that we outgrow. I could say he’s being a jerk, but that’s really just about my values.
The two of you value different things. Fundamentally. Hash it out and agree firmly to respect the other’s choices and disagree. Or put some space between you and him.” dekebasswood
Another User Comments:
“It’s so hypocritical of him/of them (if his SO supports his stance) to have that attitude.
Because they are benefitting directly from the resources/ knowledge and products that education has afforded society. Doctors/engineers/scientists/programmers… the list is endless. All people who went to school and got an education so that this family can live in a society and benefit from its provided resources.
He sounds like a dropout. Dumb.
NTJ” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, sounds like you and your friend are no longer compatible. It’s okay, we outgrow people. Make peace with it, disconnect yourself from the situation, and get out there.
Make some friends you’re actually compatible with. I feel sorry for his kid who he is totally sabotaging because he has hang-ups about what an educational failure he is – but – it’s not your problem.” Tinkibelle-508
4. AITJ For Wanting To Be Paid Even If My Friend Canceled Last-Minute?
“5 months ago, a friend of a friend ‘Claudia,’ asked me if I could watch her sons while she and her husband attended a wedding out of state. She wanted me to stay 3 days, 2 nights. I babysit a lot to supplement my income and was interested. For overnights, I always charge my usual rate for all waking hours and then a flat rate of $100/night while they’re sleeping.
This covers me still being on call. I can’t leave the house and if the kids wake up, I’ll tend to them.
Overall, the price for those 3 days was going to be $840. Which I know is a lot but to me, this is a luxury service.
I have 10 years of experience and am expected to clean, cook and drive her kids’ places, as well as sleep at their house. Unlike other jobs, I’m basically working 3 days straight.
When I told Claudia, she definitely had sticker shock.
But when I broke down the price and she shopped around, she realized I was the cheaper option. I requested the time off work. I don’t get PTO but figured I was making more doing this than I would working 3 days at my other job, so I figured it’d be worth it.
I’ve babysat in the months since so I can get to know the kids. I don’t have a lot of communication with Claudia’s husband, Rick. Last week, he was the one to relieve me and pay. He asked how much I was charging for the wedding weekend.
When I told him, he was clearly uncomfortable. But he still said, ‘We’ll see you Friday.’
This morning, I got a text from Claudia saying ‘Hey, so Richard’s decided he wants to take the kids to the wedding after all!
We won’t need you’. I checked with my job and they have no need for me this weekend as they found coverage. Basically, I’m out 3 days’ pay.
I texted Claudia and said that she needed to pay me at minimum what I’d make at work in those 3 days ($480).
She told me I was being ridiculous and the whole point is they don’t feel it’s worth it to pay that much. I explained that I took the time off. We didn’t have a contract which in hindsight was stupid.
I know legally they don’t have to and I’d have no case. I didn’t say this, just said the right thing is for her to pay. I added if they had told me earlier and I was able to get those shifts back, it’d be different.
My friend that recommended me to Claudia says I’m being ridiculous. I pointed out that if I had canceled this close, they’d be reasonably mad and screwed.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should start using a contract or written agreement of some kind.
Many services have time-based cancellations. Cancel before x date with no charge, canceled after x date there is a fee. You’re right that if you had been the one to cancel they would be in a bind and you wouldn’t charge them.
You told them the fee upfront, not your fault that she didn’t tell her husband. They could have declined right away. You’re not in the wrong for asking but they probably won’t pay. Don’t work with them without a written agreement.” pnutbuttercups56
Another User Comments:
“Oh, dear. Have to go with ‘no jerks here’ – You’ve learned what you need to do in the future – take a deposit and have clear terms about cancellation and refunds. Since you didn’t, they aren’t jerks for thinking they can just cancel without penalties.
Did they know you took time off from your job and won’t get paid? If they knew, they would be nicer people to give you something for those lost wages, even if not the full amount (they are probably going to have to pay sitters at the out-of-town location now).
I’m sorry, this is really your professional inexperience and you are the one who has to bear the cost of that this time.” Brennan_Boru1031
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They canceled at the last minute. They should pay you something to compensate you for the steps you took to make yourself available for them.
You should consider coming up with a cancellation policy for future clients and require your clients to agree to your policy before you put their dates in your calendar. You don’t even have to make a contract, you can send them your policies via text and ask them to confirm they accept them.
Also, any time you have to take off work to do a babysitting job, you should require a 50% deposit.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I understand why you’re upset but asking for that much when you did not do any of the work is kind of ridiculous.
It also sucks what they did but generally how you should do this in the future if you’re going to take off work is require a deposit they will be less likely to cancel and if they do you still have some funds in your pocket.
I’m making an assumption here too but I imagine it’s extra funds for you and not a business (with an LLC, proper certs, insuranceㅡincome claimed, taxes paid, etc) depending on where you live. So you can’t rely on business protections here either
It’s a side gig – one in which you did not work so you should not expect to be paid, but I sympathize with your position.” SalesLurker
3. AITJ For Pointing Out That My Friend Is An Awful Person When She's Had Too Much To Drink?
“I have this friend who is blind. He wasn’t born blind, but he was young when it happened from an accident.
Saturday night several people were at my place, drinking. My friend was wasted and his story came up. One of the other party attendees was also fairly inebriated. She said that she would never let such a thing happen and that she would be a much better mother than that.
My friend was obviously upset by what she said, but he didn’t verbally respond. It was a really mean and unnecessary comment. I told her that she was out of line, was too wasted, and needed to leave. She was upset and tried to explain what she said, saying it wasn’t fair my friend had such a crappy mom and she was being sympathetic.
I told her she was an obnoxious lush and probably would be the crappy mom because she’s a mean-spirited person.
She started to cry, and I found her shoes and gave them to her. She left with her designated driver, and after that the party was basically over and people mostly left. Sunday she called me, saying I was a massive jerk for humiliating her and saying I owed her an apology.
I told her to learn her limits because she is an awful person when under the influence. This morning she made a social media post about me. People that were at the party commented, some critical of me and some of her.
But it’s mostly my close friends criticizing her and her close friends criticizing me. Since none of you are either of our friends, which of us is the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what you said to her was true, she made personal comments and criticism of someone’s mother.
That is a big no-no. You said she had crossed the line and an awful person when under the influence and should leave. Absolutely correct. You would have been a jerk if you had not supported your friend and asked her to leave.
She called you to ask for an apology, but you had behaved correctly in calling her out and asking to leave. You told her you didn’t owe her an apology because she was an awful person when under the influence, again that it true.
She owes you as the host an apology for her behavior, not your dealing with it.” User
Another User Comments:
“To me, everyone sucks here, clearly the woman was out of line and you were right to tell her so, but I personally think kicking her out was too much.
Obviously kicking someone out of a party, especially when another member of the group has to leave to drive her, is going to disrupt the whole party, so I think it just escalated the whole situation more than it needed to be escalated.
It’s not about whether the woman who made the comment deserved it, it’s about whether it was the smartest decision in general, and I think it wasn’t. Obviously, you wouldn’t know it would blow up this much, but it was always going to create more drama and attention kicking her out than it would have to just say ‘Hey not cool’, and move on.” Heliola
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Though I think this could have been handled better on both ends. She shouldn’t have made the ‘crappy mom’ comment in the first place. But obviously, she made it so she is in the wrong. Though I believe instead of immediately asking her to leave you could have just asked her to drop the topic.
If she complies we move on and then the next day when she is sobered up hopefully there is an apology. If she doesn’t drop the topic and continues then, of course, kicking her out is probably the only way.
But again just to be clear you are definitely NTJ and it’s her fault predominantly.” Phoenix77_
Another User Comments:
“You are commended for defending a friend. The other guest should know better than to insult somebody’s mom, so she’s a jerk.
It sounds like her comment was thoughtless rather than spiteful, though, unless there’s a history we don’t know. Publicly insulting and ejecting her seems an extreme response. Couldn’t you have called her out without going nuclear? I wonder how the friend you were defending feels about it, could be that your response made it worse by drawing more attention to the comment.
If the ejected person has a history of cruel comments when wasted, that is different, but you didn’t say that, so everyone sucks here.” Lucky_Wolverine_5761
2. AITJ For Fat-Shaming My Sister For Breaking My Couch?
“I grew up in a very abusive household.
I graduated high school at 17 years old so I could move out the day I grabbed my diploma. I couch-surfed for a couple of months until I turned 18 and got my first apartment at 18 years old with my partner. We worked minimum wage jobs, working 60+ hours a week so my partner and I could afford rent.
When we moved in, we only had a bed, a small 30-inched TV, my partner’s Xbox, and toiletries. Nothing else.
Over the next two years, we began saving up funds to get our first car. After getting a car we applied to a job that paid more for fewer hours.
We get raises every few months and profit sharing every quarter. We slowly began to update our apartment. Now, the only thing we were missing was a couch.
The couch was donated to us by our apartment. Someone got evicted from their unit and left everything in there.
The office, knowing we don’t have a couch yet, gave us the couch.
After all of the upgrades we decided to start hosting D&D at our house, just me, my partner (the dungeon master), my BIL, and my sister who weighs a whopping 375 lbs.
My sister couldn’t fit into any of our chairs, so she sat on our couch. We originally didn’t have a problem with this until we noticed our couch began to dive in the middle, and the bar that held the futon together underneath started to bend.
My partner and I agreed we’d buy her a chair that’s built for her weight. The chair just came in, and we had D&D on Friday. We showed the chair to my sister, hoping she would be grateful, we paid over $100 for this.
We’re not rich, so we had to dip into our savings to pay for this.
My sister got mad at us, accusing us of calling her fat. We tried to calm her down, but trying to calm her down just made her scream more.
My BIL was telling us to look at what we started, I have to go home to this. You got this couch for free, just buy another one, etc.
With my sister screaming in one ear and my BIL talking in the other, I lost it.
I said (summarizing): ‘Everyone, shut up! You are completely right! Your fat butt is breaking our couch. You can lose weight easily but choose to stay a fat, slob. This is a problem you can literally run from, but you chose to be fat and collect taxpayers’ funds to stay home and eat more and gain more weight.
Until you lose weight under 250 lbs. you’re not allowed on our couch again.’
I admit it was a bit much, and I should have better control of my feelings. I feel bad for saying what I said on Friday, but it felt good to finally say it.
Last night, my BIL was texting me, saying my ‘bullying’ caused her to have a mental breakdown, and that I should apologize. I told him I’d apologize when she apologizes for bending our couch.
AITJ for calling my sister fat by buying her a chair that supports her weight?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You really went to town on fat shaming your sister. And you felt good doing it. That’s appalling. Many people have issues with their weight and a reliance on food, many are well aware of those issues but are stuck in how to deal with it.
I assume your sister also grew up in this abusive household, have you thought that her weight problem could stem from her childhood? Food becomes a comfort.
You were unnecessarily cruel and gained satisfaction from it.” did_nah_do_nuffin
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You were NTJ until your outburst. There was no need to scream about ‘taxpayers’ and call her a fat slob. Just clearly stating that she is damaging your furniture and that is not fair on you was enough.
The suggestion of you buying another couch would be enough to kick them out for disrespecting your property.
You stated you grew up in an abusive household so her weight, mental health, and eating habits may have been due to this.
You certainly didn’t help here.” CheeseAndPasta97
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Firstly, don’t spend 100 dollars specifically on someone without telling or warning beforehand is a lesson here. Then again I guess having an extra chair can’t hurt but yeah.
She was being a jerk, and very rude.
But that doesn’t make you any more justified. You absolutely shamed her as a person, that’s messed up. You went too far. All you had to say is ‘The couch isn’t built to sustain weight as it isn’t that well made, this chair is.
We’d like to not damage our property so this is the chair we’ll use.’ And you’d have stayed completely in the right. But you let it get personal.
And saying ‘a whopping 375lbs’ is already kinda a bit much.
You aren’t introducing a wrestler. That’s a human that you know.
You knew what you said would be hurtful and demeaning, and you liked that. You’ll never not be the jerk for that.” Skyistaken
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I was leaning toward NTJ til you said the stuff about her being a fat slob and choosing to stay that way and collect welfare… I understand that you lost your cool, but those were some seriously loaded and hateful things to say to someone who probably already has low self-esteem, especially if she’s that big.
For the record, some of us are big as a result of trying to lose weight, and some of us try everything TO lose weight and nothing works. (You starve yourself enough and your body begins to store your fat) And for the record, no one in the medical industry takes you seriously if you’re fat – so you could be 400lbs and anorexic – but they won’t believe you because you are not skinny.
OP, your sis was probably embarrassed bc you did this publicly, and she felt shame… Hence why she originally lost her cool. I think you could have found a more private moment to tell her about the chair.” EmoPrincessSpaghetti
1. AITJ For Making An Exception For My Brother's Daughter?
“Our wedding is coming up in a few months. We have decided to make the reception an adults-only event. We are limited on capacity due to the venue and also like the idea of only celebrating the night with only adults.
If we were to invite all of the children for our close guests we would have to add approx 15 children and this would mean 15 of our other guests wouldn’t be able to attend. The only child who will be attending the wedding is my brother’s daughter.
My brother is also visiting from overseas and there would be no one available to babysit.
This has caused a huge argument in my family to the point where some family members have stopped talking to my parents and have said they aren’t coming to the wedding as they feel like they have been disrespected by us for not inviting their children.
I’m really upset that this has caused so much angst in my family and really didn’t foresee this happening. AITJ for not inviting children to the wedding and is it hypocritical for me to invite my brother’s daughter?
(She is the only immediate child related to myself or my finance)”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your wedding, your rules. It is perfectly acceptable not to want kids at your wedding and to make exceptions as you see fit.
But, when you decide no kids are allowed you have to accept that some people are not going to come. Weddings are already expensive and time-consuming to attend and when it comes to spending time at your wedding versus spending time as a family your wedding is going to come up short for people.
Hold your ground but accept that people might not come because of it.” Ill_Understanding826
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wedding, your choice. They can go and cry about it. They can go and act like they are going to take care of their children the whole time but they won’t.
Also, the many times that I went to events with kids there, they ruined special moments. Whether crying or running across the dance floor during a special moment. As well as weddings without kids are fun. Don’t feel bad about it, it’s your night, not theirs.” Afraid_Broccoli_61
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You can decide to invite whoever you want, but once discrimination between guests happens (which kid is good/close enough to be invited ?!) You can’t expect no consequences. There are people who’ll get angry, and that’s it.
You can’t blame them for being angry at not having their kids around and having to possibly find someone to watch them for a whole day and pay them and then seeing a kid who got invited running around.
You’re picking favorites, and this is the result.” Eris-Ares
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your wedding nobody else should have a say in your wedding plans if you don’t want them to. Kids at a wedding reception are a big responsibility and they don’t really even understand it.
It is not your responsibility to provide child care to these children and chances are the parents aren’t going to be watching them the way they need to be watched which will cause some major issues on your big day.
My only note is that your family might feel better about it if there were no exceptions being made.” Tristan-Dilts
