People Feel Uneasy With How They Left Off Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Calling My Son A Loser Because He Dislikes My Fiancé?
“My son’s father and I split up 5 years ago, my son was 11 at the time, he’s now 16. I started seeing another man 3 years ago and my son disliked him from the moment they met.
My fiancé has always been great to him and his father does not talk bad about my fiancé, in fact, they’re friends, but my son is always making inappropriate comments and backtalking him.
I’ve refrained from moving my fiancé in with us due to my son’s dislike for him but a few months ago on a hike my partner proposed and I said yes.
Planning this wedding has been a nightmare so far, my son is arguing every step of the way, even butting heads with my fiancé’s son who he usually gets along with perfectly. Things hit a boiling point last night when my son told me he hates my fiancé and that he’s a loser, I told my son that my fiancé isn’t a loser and that he’s the loser.
He kind of looked at me stunned, said ‘wow’ and went to his room, he hasn’t come down since but I know he’s texted his father because his father called me to have a go at me, calling me a jerk, and that he’d like our son to move in with him full time, which I do not support.
My mother-in-law and father-in-law also found out and even my fiancé said it was a bit of a jerk move and that my son should be allowed to express his dislike for him, even if he wants my son to like him that it’s a big adjustment or something.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get that it’s frustrating and draining to deal with that constant conflict, but you went too far. Your kid isn’t a loser and I doubt you believe that. Is he sad and angry and frustrated and all the other stuff teens feel for no reason?
Absolutely. But a loser. No. Apologize to him. Own your feelings. Use the best vocabulary you can about how you feel to help him identify how he may be feeling. He may not accept the apology and he may not own his feelings but you will have shown him how to act when you are wrong and will have cracked open a door between you two that, right now is slammed shut.
You’re in a hard place, doing a hard job. Good luck and keep us posted.” mle667
Another User Comments:
“You are so definitely the jerk here. And it seems like you are the jerk generally. You’re marrying someone your son hates and it doesn’t even seem like you have listened to WHY, or given him any indication that it matters to you.
I’m not saying give your kid full veto power over your relationships, but you don’t seem to even see your child as a real person. His feelings don’t matter enough even for you to wait a couple of years until he’s old enough to move out.
This is a red flag about your fiancé also, that he would propose knowing that your son hates him. It’s one thing to have a partner. It is another to force your son to accept him as a stepfather, to move him in, and to give him authority over your kid.
The fact that your fiancé also wants to force your kid to accept him in this role doesn’t speak well of him either. Nowhere in your writing do I see any indication that your son’s needs matter to you at all.
You shouldn’t have called him a loser but you are also making it very clear to him at every moment that you don’t consider him in decisions that affect him, and that is awful.” FoxBoneCrown
Another User Comments:
“At no point over the last 3 years you’ve been seeing each other have you thought “hmm I wonder why my child actually hates my partner?’ And tried to get to the bottom of it? Then despite him hating him when he didn’t live with you, you moved him in and expected what exactly?
It to be all happy families because he proposed? Then you called him a loser. YTJ AND the loser here. You’ve placed a man above your child, and moved him in without getting to the root of the issue.
You say in a comment he can’t live with his father because he has gang affiliations, but your ex and your partner are friends so in my opinion your logic is flawed, massively.” HunterDangerous1366
20. AITJ For Wanting To Be A Kid Instead Of A Full-Time Caregiver For My Disabled Brother?
“I (15f) have a little brother (11m) who has SMA (spinal muscular atrophy) and cannot walk.
I often help my mother care for him since she is easily stressed and not always available to help him.
About 4 days ago, I made plans with my grandmother to go shopping and some other things. I told my mother I had made these plans and she was completely fine with it.
The day I was supposed to go, she asked me to watch my younger brother for a few minutes while she went to go pick up my other brother and I agreed. She left at 10 and didn’t return home until 2.
I texted her multiple times asking her to please hurry up and she didn’t respond to any of my messages or calls. When she came back, she screamed at me about how I’m a brat and that “she doesn’t operate on my time” as well as going off on a tirade about how I’m horrible for not wanting to help with my little brother, going as far as to tell me I’m selfish and ableist for it.
This is not the first time I’ve had to cancel plans because she needs me to watch my little brother. Don’t get me wrong, I love my little brother with all my heart and I help with him because of that but I feel like she could hire a nurse or a babysitter.
I hardly ever get to leave the house because she’s always on about how it’s my responsibility to help her with him. It sounds so selfish I know, but I just want to be a kid.
I’m tired of having to spend all of my free time doing what my mother should be doing instead.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is the jerk, definitely not you. She’s being very unfair. Doesn’t matter that she has her hands full, that’s no excuse for what she’s doing to you.
You’re still a child and need to have time for yourself to spend with people you care about. She’ll pull this again, so next time have grandma pick you up a half hour before the time you tell your mom you’re leaving.
That way mom can’t dump and run. NTJ.” AgitatedJacket9627
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ, and God I hope you move out the moment you turn 18, because what she’s doing isn’t going to stop, and will in fact get worse as you get older.
I also suggest that if you’re applying for colleges, you choose ones faaaaar away, or if you’re not and are just going to move out, don’t tell her anything! If there’s anyone you can trust to help you, have them assist you in renting a storage unit and slowly move your stuff into it.
I stress again – do NOT tell your mother or anyone who you even THINK might spill the beans to her. She’s trying to steal your childhood and it’s absolutely unfair to you.” Due-Shake8055
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ.
Let me explain you a thing honey: She is his parent, not you. While I’m assuming you’re pretty mature for your age since this happens a lot a child shouldn’t be left in charge of a child.
Period. In the event of an emergency, you have no ability to consent to medical care. In an absolute pinch for a short period of time, sure maybe. But to leave you with your brother like that constantly and for her to not respond to any texts or phone calls is completely irresponsible and could potentially have some horrendous consequences.
This is not something you should have to bear. If she needs help she needs to seek it elsewhere. You deserve to just be a kid. I applaud the size of your heart for being so loving and willing to help your family but they’re mistreating it, dear.
Don’t back down from this fight, this shouldn’t be happening.” ellsthecreeper
19. AITJ For Being Upset That My Aunt Announced Her Pregnancy At My Graduation Party?
“I (20f) graduated in 2020. I’m a very sentimental and traditional person, so walking across the stage in my high school gym was something I had been looking forward to for YEARS.
So you can only imagine how upset I was when the final two months of my senior year were thrown down the drain. I spent $300 on a prom dress I didn’t get the opportunity to wear, I finally made it into honor hand after trying for 4 years and they canceled it, they canceled senior night for the band kids, and I graduated in a parking lot.
I was absolutely devastated and am honestly still a little bitter about it, 2 years later. So in the span of a couple weeks, my dad passed away, they pulled us out of school, and we moved in with my mom’s partner (now husband).
That was a lot to happen to me in such a short time, and it took a noticeable toll on me.
Fast forward to June, everything had calmed down a little and I was planning my open house.
It would give me the opportunity to see all my friends again before going to college, and it was a day that my family specifically wanted to set aside for me. They knew how upset I had been and wanted me to feel special, and they wanted me to feel like I was heard and listened to.
We invited a ton of people. My stepdad has a large family and we had all grown very close, plus my mom’s side of the family, which was significantly smaller.
My stepdad’s brother and his wife were there (I just call them my aunt and uncle), and everyone in the family knows they have been trying and struggling to get pregnant.
Nothing was said for the entire day until we went to take the group picture. I was thrilled to be able to capture that moment on that day, where I could look back and remember that, despite the odds, I made it.
There were so many people in the picture, and my aunt and uncle were standing at the end. The instant before the picture was taken, my aunt yelled out “I’m pregnant!” And once everyone realized what she said, everyone was tripping over each other to hug and congratulate her and her husband.
Obviously, I was so happy for them and in the moment the energy was all positive and everyone was happy.
After everyone left I was talking with my family about it, and it just got under my skin a little bit.
Everyone knew how long I had been looking forward to this and planning it. Again, I was so happy for them, but they decided they wanted to announce the pregnancy on a day that was supposed to be for me.
They wanted to make it about them, they wanted the reactions of the announcement in the group photo. I get very mixed reactions about this, some people telling me I was selfish, but we have family get-togethers all the time, they could have picked any other time to announce it.
They even told us they’d known for a while, and just “weren’t ready to tell anyone yet”, so why announce it on someone else’s day?
I want to think I’m not the jerk, but I’m not sure.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Announcements like that should never be made at an event celebrating someone else. And to do that right before the picture was just so very rude. This was something you waited for and were looking forward to for so long, and they took that away from you.
It was very selfish of your aunt and uncle to hijack the day from you. That you could be gracious and happy for them in the moment says a lot about the kind of person you are. Good luck and much success in college and life, OP.” LeReineNoir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d wait until her baby shower/gender reveal and find out what she is having before it happens, and then announce on social media ‘BECAUSE YOU’RE JUST SO EXCITED ABOUT YOUR NEW COUSIN!!!’ a week or so before the event.
Then when you go to the event, open a letter you ‘just got.’ OH I GOT ACCEPTED AT MY FIRST CHOICE SCHOOL! HERE I COME HARVARD! Nah, definitely NTJ, and hopefully someone will serve them a nice dish of karma very soon.” AbbyFB6969
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Generally, it’s considered bad form to make a major announcement at someone else’s event. But TBH the most common examples of that are weddings and baby showers. I’ve never heard of someone being this protective about a high school graduation party.
Maybe because usually lots of people are graduating at the same time, so it’s never really just one person’s day? I guess I’ve always looked at graduation as an important milestone, but not necessarily an “all eyes on me” event.
I do have compassion for how important this was to you though, especially given the long delay in being able to celebrate. I can imagine that the exact timing of the announcement (right in the middle of the official picture) was part of what made you upset.
I think what this couple did was innocent though. Having struggled for so long, they got carried away with their excitement to share the news with the family. The reason most couples don’t tell people right away when they are pregnant is because they are waiting to get out of the high-risk period where miscarriages are more likely.
Chances are this was the first time they were together with family after making it through the first trimester.” Used_Mark_7911
18. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Can't Disregard My Parenting Decisions?
“Over the weekend, my husband (26m) and I (26f) took our kids (1.5m & 7 months f) to my parents’ (59m & 56f).
While there, numerous times my mom would tell me I was being unsafe with my kids. For example, they only have one high chair so my daughter was sitting on the counter directly in front of me. Or I was holding my son in their pool with no floaties on (he doesn’t know how to swim on his own yet & I was only with him, no other distractions).
In each scenario, I would tell my mom “I’m with them, they’re safe, please leave it be.” She would overstep that boundary and then do the thing she offered even though I had already told her no. For example, pushing me out of the way to hold my daughter on the counter herself.
Or making a rule that my son couldn’t swim without a Puddle Jumper on (which he doesn’t know how to use, and cries when we’d put it on him).
After the weekend I sent her a message that I felt unheard and disregarded when I told her no about something in regards to my children and she didn’t listen.
She hasn’t responded. She’s now saying she is upset that no one asked how the first day of her new job went (that as far as I knew, wasn’t happening anymore). That no one gives a darn about what she says.
And has told my dad she “doesn’t know how to respond to me & that she’d do it again to keep her grandkids safe.”
I’m genuinely starting to question if I’m a jerk for trying to establish this particular boundary.
So AITJ for telling her what she did was wrong? Am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for 90%. If it’s her pool, I feel it legitimately is her call on how kids are allowed in. Even if you had it handled…that’s her pool.
If a guest came to my house and wanted to swim inappropriately, or if I knew they couldn’t swim and they wanted to jump in the deep end, I’d tell em they can’t get in. My pool, my rule.
Disregarding what you’re saying entirely, however, and even pushing you aside to do what she wants instead is rude af. Sorry you’re not being respected as a parent.” Trouble_in_Mind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s overstepping.
It’s one thing to say something out of concern, it’s quite another to then insist on your way of doing things. I put my kid on the counter – when I’m there holding him. My kid also hates floaties, and also can’t swim.
Guess what? I hold him the entire time we’re in the water. Problem solved. Lots of parents do that, it’s fine. Granted, it is her pool, so she is allowed to make her own rules about it if she feels it’s necessary.
But ignoring you when you’re the parent isn’t ok.” Wolfenbro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mother is pushing your boundaries and now that you’ve kindly asked she stops, she is trying to make herself a victim while simultaneously continuing to say she doesn’t care what you’ve decided – for setting boundaries and asking she be more respectful of your parenting you are not the jerk, however with that said, for the pool she is in the right even with your complete focus on him serious accidents happen.
If he can’t swim you would be the jerk if you don’t get him used to wearing safe life jackets when in the water.” WatsonandDawson
17. AITJ For Proposing To My Partner At My Sister's Wedding?
“I’m 29M, my partner (fiance) is 28M. We have been together for 6 years and have discussed marriage many times. A few weeks ago we both agreed that we want to get married.
My sister got married two weeks ago and my partner and I were both invited, so were about 150 other people. My partner wears a lot of bracelets but doesn’t like rings, so I bought him a new bracelet for the engagement.
It has been in my wallet for a couple of weeks.
At the reception, when my dad was giving a toast, I just got crazy emotional. After the toast, my dad came up to me and my partner and jokingly said to me “you better be the next one I get to walk down the aisle.”
I then told my partner to come and take a little walk with me and on that walk, I proposed to him. I didn’t get down on one knee, I just asked him the question, and when he said yes, I gave him the bracelet and we kissed.
We told our parents a week after my sister’s wedding. We posted an engagement photo on social media yesterday, so two weeks after the wedding. The photo was from our apartment and not from the wedding, so no one knew I proposed at the wedding.
My sister called me upset saying I shouldn’t have proposed so soon after her wedding when she hadn’t even had a chance to upload the good photos from her wedding etc. I said that’s ridiculous and she started asking me when did I even propose and couldn’t I have just waited.
After arguing for a while, I just told her I proposed 2 weeks ago and she lost it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only reason it’s taboo to propose at another person’s wedding is because it takes everyone’s attention away from the bride and groom.
You didn’t do that. You proposed quietly, with nobody else around, and nobody was told anything about it till weeks later. That right there cleared you of any wrongdoing. The fact that your sister is mad that it’s 2 weeks later when you announced it makes her a huge jerk.
She doesn’t get to claim the spotlight for a whole freaking year. She gets one day. That’s it. Anything before or after that day is fair game.” Zestyclose-Page-1507
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you didn’t make a public proposal at her wedding.
You kept it private and only posted about it TWO WHOLE WEEKS after the wedding. She does not have propriety of the whole month before or after the wedding, much less command time just because she didn’t post the good pics.
That’s entitled behavior. Maybe you were a bit of a jerk by annoying her saying you proposed at her wedding but it’s a justifiable jerk and just a bit. You did not, again, do a public proposal at the wedding.” Anizziepluto
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t propose in front of other people so none of the wedding guests even knew you had. That’s not proposing during her wedding in my book that’s just proposing on the same day as her wedding.
And what’s with the waiting time? She can’t gatekeep a whole month for her wedding. That’s ridiculous. Some people are getting more and more entitled. First, people turned their birthdays into “birthday week” and now she blocks a whole month around her wedding for everyone to put their lives on hold.” xxSKSxx_
16. AITJ For Wanting To Share What My Salary Is With My Underpaid Brother?
“My brother and I are both in our 30s and in somewhat related creative fields. I live in a high-cost-of-living area, and have a remote job based in another high-cost-of-living area.
He lives in a small town with a significantly lower cost of living. His job is government-funded at a local organization he likes. But he shared with me recently that he knows he’s underpaid and that his current job has little room for growth, and he’s discontented with both those things.
I truly don’t know that he understands just how underpaid he is! I make almost 3x more than him, with a comparable level of experience and education. I’m older by a few years and have a master’s degree, but I also have made a couple of career pivots that make me more junior in my current path, so I think it evens out.
Anyway, I encouraged him to look at remote jobs based in high-cost-of-living areas, since I think he would find ample options for interesting work that would better recognize his value. But I wonder if it would be pushy or boastful to put a finer point on it by sharing my actual salary?
I’m two months into a new job, so have fresh job-hunting perspective, and I really think he could do a lot better! WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hey. I’m kind of on the fence about this because there are other ways to show him that there are better jobs out there and sometimes telling someone your salary can come off as kind of braggy.
But I don’t feel like that’s your intention so NTJ. Also, you said you’re in more of a creative field? What are you doing what does he do? Because experience and job level and all that can vary greatly between career paths so something that you make three times more in a job he’s in might not have that high of a salary.
Maybe also encourage him to push for promotion or raise if he knows that the opportunity is there. It’s one thing to know that there’s opportunity for growth and it’s another thing to make it known that you want to grow with the company.
Him being discontented doesn’t necessarily mean he’s doing anything to accomplish furthering himself. Especially if it’s a job he enjoys he just knows he isn’t making as much as he should.” Missmouse1988
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because the only one who wins when people hide salaries is corporate.
However, your brother’s location (low cost of living) and employer (government) make a significant difference here. Government employees make less overall, period. They usually make up for lower salary by having better health insurance, and a different kind of retirement plan.
Be sure to tell your brother that private industry pays more, even in his location, but that the salary you make is very heavily weighted by your location – both your physical location and the location of the company you work for.
So while yes you make significantly more, it’s not comparing the same thing. You have a different health insurance and retirement plan set up, for example, in addition to the cost of living situation. Encourage him to look at LinkedIn and Glassdoor for salaries of various job titles in various locations (including his).” LadyCiani
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Do some research on what PR folks actually make before you do this. Unless you’re encouraging him to change careers entirely (UX and PR are *completely* different) and get a master’s degree like you have, this is not a good idea.
You’re just going to show that you don’t understand what your brother does for a living, or the reality of his situation. For reference: Avg PR salary ~$63K, avg UX salary ~$109K.” Bluebird-True
15. AITJ For Wanting To Leave Home When My MIL Visits?
“I’ve been with my husband for nearly 8 years, married nearly 3.
From day one, my MIL and I have not gotten on. She accused me of stealing her boy away (he was 29 when we met), she said I was desperate for a handsome partner and was taking advantage of her inexperienced, naive son by making him fall in love with me; she would compare her looks to me and say she is more “beautiful and carefree” than me and I am apparently jealous of her, (she has had cosmetic surgery and I am more relaxed in my day to day appearance).
You get the idea.
Over the years I’ve tried to make an effort with her. We have hosted her at our place, we have spent time with her too. Probably 70% of these visits end in disaster. She dislikes what I cook, takes something I say wrong, or has a major dig at me personally, and it just blows up.
Thanks to recent circumstances, the subject of visits hasn’t come up for a couple of years. My husband went to her small wedding alone and I was happy with that. I said 3 years ago I wouldn’t entertain her in my life unless she sincerely apologized for all the hurt she has caused me.
She knows this but has never apologized.
My husband and I have been trying for a baby for 6 years and we went through miscarriages, operations, and finally, 6 rounds of IVF and we are beyond happy that round 6 worked and I am 16 weeks pregnant.
We have also moved house and now live in a beautiful area and our home is just perfect.
My husband has told me that his mum is really depressed. Her marriage has failed after only one year, she is all alone and he wants her to come visit us for a few days.
We live at the seaside and she lives in London. It would do her good to hit the beach and see the house and have a mini holiday.
However, I am not comfortable spending a few days with her in our home.
My stress levels go through the roof and I am worried she will nitpick what I eat, where I sit (she says rocking chairs cause the baby to get seasick), anything, and I will just lose it.
So I have suggested I go away for a few days by myself and my husband hosts her on his own.
He has said that is fine, but I can see he is upset by this.
Here is where I might be the jerk. She very kindly paid for our 6th round of IVF which resulted in this pregnancy, this money was gifted to my husband and I had nothing to do with it.
I could have said no, but that would have broken my husband’s heart so we accepted the money. So she has literally made this baby possible.
Should I take one for the team and host her for a few days?”
Another User Comments:
“Unless she’s had a personality transplant then her visit is going to go the way every other visit has ever gone. If you feel you can stay there with the expectation that nothing has changed then good for you.
You’re a better woman than me. She’s shown you time and time again who she is and what she’s capable of. In an ideal world, you’d all get on just great, but she’s made sure that is never going to happen.
I’d be going away too. That she paid for the IVF would have no bearing on my decision. That was her gift. This is something else entirely. This would be you making a decision to remove yourself from a toxic situation that is only going to end in more stress and drama for all concerned, but mainly for you.
Go away. Take a break. Let MIL and son have some quality bonding time. Perhaps four days with her might focus his mind a bit on what an absolute nightmare she truly is. Sometimes we do have to ‘take one for the team’.
This isn’t one of those occasions. You don’t have to willingly put yourself in the firing line for anyone, ever. Instead, choose self-protection and inner peace. Your husband may be upset but if you point out exactly what she’s done to you in the past and that you have no reason to believe that this time will be different then hopefully he will see it as you making a boundary to keep yourself safe.
NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not a situation. It’s not a situation. It’s NOT a situation. She didn’t make your baby possible. She DIDN’T make your baby possible. SHE DIDN’T make your baby possible.
I just wanted to start by clearing ALL of that nonsense out. It’s not a situation because her gifting you money and her visiting you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with one another. Her gifting you money and your being pregnant have NOTHING TO DO with one another.
And you might say well, Tashia her money paid for the last round. Who’s money? Her money. NOOOOO. Who’s money? Your money. Because she GAVE that money to your husband. I don’t care if she said it was for planting Ficus’ in your backyard.
The money was a gift. You can use it for what you want. The fact that it happened to be used for the things she said it was “for” means nothing. Once someone gives you a gift that former ownership nonsense is over.
Once someone gives you money what’s done with it is none of their business. Cause it’s yours now. I don’t have much else to say. She’s someone that makes you uncomfortable. She’s someone you don’t like.
And she’s someone who causes you stress. All things you don’t need when it took this much work to conceive.” TashiaNicole1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not there to see you – she’s there to see her son.
The money wasn’t for you – it was for her son. She’d prefer you’re not there. You’d prefer not to see her. Go. Or better – why doesn’t she stay in a hotel nearby?
Why does she have to stay in your home? Would your hubby be ok with that? Also – your hubby can pound sand. He’s been letting his mum be horrific to you for years. If he had shut that down from the beginning – you wouldn’t be in this situation now.
So he can deal with the consequences of his own lack of action. NTJ.” Bruiscear
14. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Stop Singing While I'm Trying To Sleep?
“Last night my wife and I went to go see the Bob’s Burgers movie she has been wanting to see, when we got home it was rather late.
Around 11:00. I usually go to bed around 9:30 or 10:00 because I wake up for work at 5:30 a.m.
I was pretty tired and told my wife, I was going to go to sleep. She said okay and put our daughter to sleep.
I’m not sure how much later, she comes into our bedroom singing the “Friends” theme song. She’s a fan of the show and was watching it on her phone.
She wakes me up and notices and apologizes. I fall back to sleep and was awoken again by her singing.
I roll over and eventually fall back asleep.
I don’t know why but she kept singing out loud. Not super loud but loud enough to wake me up. I look at the clock and it’s almost 1 a.m.
I tell her “babe, do you mind keeping it down?” She apologizes and keeps humming. I can sleep with the sound of the show but her singing kept waking me up.
Once again she woke me up at 2 a.m. with her singing so I turned over and said “Will you shut up, I have to be at work in a few hours.”
She gave me a death stare and got up and went to sleep in our guest bedroom. In the morning, she made me my lunch and when I went to leave, she called me a jerk for talking to her that way.
I asked her nicely to quiet down and asked her who sings while someone is sleeping, it’s just inconsiderate. She has been giving me the cold shoulder but I think I was justified.
AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m not a fan of the language you used, but come on… you asked her repeatedly and who continuously sings next to a sleeping person? You were justified in snapping, I’d be livid myself.
It doesn’t matter what the situation was, it doesn’t change the language.
Was it the worst it could be? Absolutely not. Was it understandable? Absolutely. Was OP the jerk or does telling his wife to shut up make him one? Absolutely not. Is her repeated singing disrespectful and inconsiderate? Absolutely.
Does the situation make telling her to shut up in itself in any way a nicer act or one that he can’t take any ownership for? No, it does not. If you don’t agree with me that it is generally better to avoid hurtful language or apologize for it after it happens in the heat of the moment, that’s your decision.
Live and let live.” worldwearypumpkin
Another User Comments:
“So in reading your other posts and knowing your wife is a stay-at-home mom, you guys need marriage counseling pronto. This is passive-aggressive behavior because she feels invisible, unseen, and unappreciated. What have you done since your last posts to show her that work and working out aren’t the only important things to you?
Does she get time to herself without kids? Do you parent when home and give her breaks? Do you create more mess and stress for her when home, treating her basically like hired help you expect to want to have intimacy with you?
Not saying you do, but those can be reasons a woman doesn’t respect her partner anymore. Normally, I’d have told anybody to be quiet and get out by the third time, and what she did was incredibly inconsiderate and rude.
However, it seems like passive-aggressive actions indicative of much larger issues. NTJ but you need to evaluate how you’re relating to and appreciating one another in your relationship in ways meaningful to the other person. Marriage counseling is in order.” BTanalyst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I also wake up really early and I go to bed at 8 p.m. or 9 p.m. to be up at 4:30 a.m., I’m a light sleeper and my husband has breathing issues. He knows the machine would wake me up so he takes it out of the room so I can sleep.
Especially when I have to wake up for work. It would have been one thing if it was a day off. But who wouldn’t have snapped, we all have our rituals for sleep on work nights and the fact of the matter is you stayed up later so you guys had some time to yourselves.
She should have respected you having to work in a few and hung out on the couch or the guest room if she was so into her show.” West-Helicopter-7210
13. AITJ For Getting Intoxicated On My Husband's Birthday And Ruining Our Casual Dinner Plans?
“My husband wants to go to a previously decided casual (like fast food casual) restaurant. It’s a couple of hours before and I’m intoxicated (btw it’s just us, it’s not like we’re meeting people).
He says he doesn’t wanna go with me like this and I ruined his birthday. (Like literally no one would notice because it’s freaking Panda Express, and why does it matter?)
I’m very chill when I drink, even he didn’t know I’d been drinking until I told him, it was just the knowledge of that that made him like “no, I don’t want to be around you”… ???
Huh?
To add context: he doesn’t drink and doesn’t even know if I’ve had drinks until I tell him, but then he’s immediately opposed to it, he doesn’t like it.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m counting four or five rationalizations of your drinking in a very short post. “Who cares it’s a casual place,” “it’s just us,” “No one will notice,” “I’m chill when I drink”, “he didn’t even know”… If you’re ready with that many excuses for your drinking that suggests to me you might have more of a problem than you’re letting on and your husband is tired of it.
YTJ since you know it bothers him and couldn’t hold off for ONE darn day.” crockofpot
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you need help. Your other comments state you don’t know why you got intoxicated and that’s a bad sign.
When my partner’s drinking started to become a problem, but before I recognized it as a him problem I used to wonder what was wrong with me that he felt he needed to be intoxicated to spend time with me.
I ended up not going out when I found out he had already been drinking and started withdrawing from him a lot. I got lucky in that he recognized the issue and has gone sober. If he starts acting more distant and you find yourself drinking for no reasons you can describe, I hope you can see the signs and get the help that you need.” thecatmouse
Another User Comments:
“Hey OP. We’re all strangers on the internet but based on a few comments here about how you aren’t sure about why you felt the need to get intoxicated – I hope you’re okay.
Resources are out there. My whole family is now sober, and are all ex-heavy drinkers. Perhaps examining your relationship with booze could be beneficial. Coping is hard. It sounds like this situation upset your partner because they didn’t understand why you couldn’t have been sober on their special day – I would talk to them about why you felt that getting intoxicated was necessary.
I would examine that with them. Perhaps a heart-to-heart is in order. Whatever is going on I hope you’re okay.” dogearth
12. AITJ For Not Allowing Real World Issues Into My DnD Game?
“Last Friday one of my coworkers suggested we start a DnD (Dungeons & Dragons) campaign. I agreed and offered to be the game organizer (Dungeon Master) as I want more experience, and the group is relatively small. Since Friday we have created a discord and dndbeyond campaign.
I purchased the highest tier subscription so that they could use the content I have purchased on dndbeyond to supplement their characters since none of them have used it before.
Everyone has their characters built and we are planning our first session for this Saturday.
One of the guys has mentioned he wants to play a “cantankerous dwarf” and I told him it was fine for his character to be grumpy. Today at lunch he mentioned something about how he had to be careful when saying racist things as his character.
I took that opportunity to let him know that I don’t allow real-world issues into my DnD games.
Racism, bigotry, xenophobia, all of those things are a big enough problem IRL and I don’t think as a group of 4 white people from the South it’s our place to have a commentary on it.
He got extremely upset and insisted that fantasy racism has nothing to do with real life and that he should be allowed to hate other characters. I tried to talk with him but he got frustrated and walked away.
I don’t know if I was being too strict, but another member of the campaign, we all sit together at lunch, thanked me for saying the things they didn’t feel brave enough to. I know that most fantasy media portrays orcs as bad guys, or elves-hating dwarves, but I don’t want to label an entire group of people based on preexisting stereotypes.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your coworker is way too excited to find someone to hate for no reason. Big cringe. Much sus. You do not need to cater to that. And the fact that he casually floated ‘gotta be careful with how awful I am’ as a means of checking on whether or not you’re okay with him being openly horrible is him testing the waters on how much you agree with him choosing to be horrible randomly to one or multiple of you in the group.
He told you, flat out, he intended to target and make someone in your game miserable on purpose. Ew.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is an ongoing issue with DND that people have varying opinions on. I myself don’t mind the old Tolkien-style elves + dwarves having issues.
And if he’s playing a duergar it makes sense given their history that there might be antagonism built into their backstory, if you follow official canon. However, as the DM it’s perfectly within your purview to define expectations for character interactions, and the backstory of your world.
I myself as a DM try to avoid going too heavy on that stuff… but that’s mostly because my players are bonkers and don’t need the guiding hand.” samford91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. May I recommend that if he does it in character, to have the entire tavern/place react as if he’s just loudly said a slur, no matter how mild I’m talking reactions to the level of kicking him out of the tavern, and small town conversation blacklisting him from the rest of the businesses (small town because I know most campaigns don’t start in a big city).
If he wants to be racist in a fantasy world without racism, he can enjoy the consequences, welcome to dnd jerk.” em578
11. AITJ For Calling My Doctor Out For Incorrectly Blaming My Symptoms On Diabetes?
“I don’t have diabetes. Very important to the story.
I have been suffering from candidiasis for the majority of my life. As a kid, my mom told me it was psoriasis and acted like it was normal, despite me having huge red rashes on my inner thighs on the swim team when nobody else did.
It wasn’t until I went to the sliding scale clinic in my 30s for an overdue pap smear (yes I live in the USA) that I learned I had candidiasis (or is it cutaneous candidiasis? Not important to the story).
The gyno that diagnosed me sent me back to the general practitioner who rx’d a cream and powder.
It didn’t help.
When I went back and told her, she said it’s because of my diabetes. I told her I don’t have diabetes, and she told me I was wrong.
She gave me a slip for bloodwork and continued to blame diabetes. I told her I have been having these rashes and discomfort since elementary school and was tested for diabetes roughly 4 years prior and the test was negative.
She waved her hand at me and told me to come back after I got tested.
Surprise, surprise. I was right and she was wrong. I went back to the appointment and she read the results. I told her I wanted an apology for her refusing to listen and writing me off over my weight.
She refused and said that I needed to take another test to make sure I wasn’t diabetic. I then called her a stupid jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had many MANY problems with doctors being dismissive of me that ended up in me deteriorating so much that now I am disabled. It took me 11 years and 9 doctors to get my endometriosis diagnosed despite having textbook symptoms. A quick Google and any of them could have seen it.
Most doctors are jerks who will not listen to women and our symptoms. You should not have insulted her but she totally deserved it. What you need to do is ask for a complaint form and explain how she ignored your symptoms and risked your life because of prejudice.
If possible leave a terrible review. And change doctors, never to see her again.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is it the nicest thing to call her? No. Did she deserve it? Yes. Overweight people tend to have all of their health problems blamed on their weight.
It’s absurd, offensive, and unhelpful. It’s annoying when nonmedical professionals do it; it’s dangerous when coming from medical professionals. I went for more than 3 years with untreated insomnia because my doctor decided that my being overweight meant I was lazy and so clearly I wasn’t sleeping because I didn’t do enough.
Turns out it was a symptom of my severe depression. The lack of sleep led to severe migraines that have since become chronic. When I moved for grad school and needed a physical, I asked my doctor to also give me some names of local psychologists/psychiatrists because I was in a completely new place and wanted to make sure that I had support in place.
Instead, he sent me a list of nutritionists. Even my current anti-depressant was suggested by my psychiatrist because it has a tendency to suppress appetite. I had to spend an hour arguing with a previous partner because he didn’t believe that I didn’t have health problems. The only physical health problem I have is celiac—and if that has anything to do with my weight, it’s a cause, not a symptom.
If you’ve never been a fat person dealing with a doctor like this, you have no idea how painful and harmful it is. I avoid doctors at all costs. I’ve never had a doctor that has made me feel comfortable.
I know that my avoidance of doctors has a high potential of leading to problems, but I’m just tired of being made to feel like rubbish about my weight when I want to talk about other medical issues.” KassyKeil91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s like doctors never want to listen. In my family 8 people had their gallbladder taken out, so once I started showing the same symptoms of it, (couldn’t eat certain foods or I’d vomit, bent over in pain, couldn’t lie down, and extreme pain in my ribs and back) I went to multiple doctors told them all how it could be my gallbladder because of family history and all they did was blood test after blood test. I was anemic (I had 2 EDs at this time) and because I didn’t smoke and was very skinny they didn’t take me seriously, this was for a year and a half!
It got to the point where my mum demanded her doctor and flat out told them to do a scan because it is my gallbladder! And surprise surprise, I had 3 gallstones!! I suffered a year and a half of pain after eating certain foods (with 2 EDs) because they didn’t listen!!
I was the 9th in the family to have it taken out.” SL33PYSL0THIE
10. AITJ For Telling My Cousin About Her Mom's Harsh Treatment Towards Me?
“My (18NB) cousins (13f and 11f) and I have always been very close, but their mom (my dad’s sister) often gives me “advice” or tells me things she doesn’t want me to do around her daughters.
Recently, the older of my cousins (13f) and I were talking, and I offhandedly mentioned the time her mom screamed at me and my younger brother (we were 12 and 11 at the time, respectively, while my cousins were 7 and 5) for accidentally denting the garage door while playing with her daughters.
My cousin was shocked since she recalled her mom laughing it off as an accident. I told her the truth–that my brother and I had gotten yelled at to the point where I was nearly in tears.
She asked what else her mom had done, so I told her what I could remember.
The list includes her calling me to tell me off for dyeing my hair, as her daughters looked up to me and now wanted to dye their hair too, her yelling at me for not knowing how to say grace properly at Thanksgiving dinners, and “embarrassing her family” in front of her husband (my uncle)’s mother, and attempting to friend me on Snapchat so she could “see what her daughters were seeing me do” to make sure it wasn’t too inappropriate.
Fast forward a day or two after I was telling my cousin this, and her mom calls me up (they don’t live in the same state as me) and goes off on a tirade about how her daughter confronted her about all this and now she’s mad and it’s all my fault.
My dad agrees and thinks I shouldn’t have told my cousin about stuff that happened in the past, but my brother thinks she should know the truth. AITJ?’
Another User Comments:
“Ah yes, the fun of having family all up in your social media.
(Just one of the many reasons I’m no longer on most socials.) I once posted something about my grandma being sick, on my way up to help the family with hospice, and got in trouble with my aunt and uncle because they hadn’t told my cousin yet.
Time to block them all so they can’t see your content. 13 is a little young (imo) to be talking smack about their parents to them but it’s also the prime age for them to realize their parent is totally fallible and from the sound of it a bit of a jerk!
NTJ.” LLCoolBeans19
Another User Comments:
“They’re children. They didn’t need to be involved. I understand you’re young too but at 18 I did not involve 13-year-olds in my family issues. I was also raised not to talk poorly about parents to their kids.
Let the kids vent to you, but chances are with a mom like that they have more problems than you. Keep the peace, and since she doesn’t live in your state, why not just block her? If you wanted to confront her you should’ve done it on your own.
Block her from your social media and express maturely to her that you feel like she’s always needling you. Don’t bring her kids into it. At the end of the day, what did you gain from getting a 13-year-old mad at their mother?
If anything the fact that you would talk to them candidly about every wrongdoing their mother has made toward you is evidence that maybe her concerns were valid. That being said this is still fairly vague and I want to give you the benefit of the doubt and say you’re not a jerk.
Just young and emotional. Maybe don’t do that again though, and if the aunt is a jerk then just block her.” Zombiestrudel
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you had stopped at addressing the first situation you mentioned where you thought your cousin already knew the truth, that would be one thing.
But you then rattled off a list — and for what? The fact that someone asks, “What else should I know about?” does not mean you are obligated to answer and definitely doesn’t mean it’s wise to answer comprehensively.
It’s unfortunate that your aunt is sugarcoating things with your cousin, at least according to you, but you gained nothing here by “setting the record straight” — and even that assumes that YOUR version of events was objective rather than biased in the opposite direction.
I have trouble believing that your cousin benefited overall here either. You may also turn out to have damaged your relationship with your cousin, who may come to resent you for how she now feels about her mother.
Yes, that’s shooting the messenger, but that won’t change how she feels. As an analogy, every single book and counselor that deals with divorce says that the parents should never, EVER disparage each other to their kids, because it just makes it worse on the kids.
I realize that this cousin isn’t already dealing with a divorce and that you’re not the aunt’s ex, but you’ve disparaged your cousin’s mother to her young teenage daughter.” jphughan
9. AITJ For Getting My Sister Laid Off?
“My sister Meg 21f and I 24f no longer have a relationship. We were close growing up but about a year ago I discovered that she had an affair with my long-term partner.
It was a huge mess and I haven’t spoken to her since, despite her repeated attempts to reach out.
Meg and I both worked at a plant where our dad is a supervisor, until recently. He got us both jobs there right out of high school.
We worked different shifts in different areas after I got enough seniority to move to days.
Fast forward to last month, and I heard that her line was being shut down and the employees were being distributed to other departments.
She was supposed to be coming to my department on my shift.
As soon as I heard this, I talked to my supervisor, Todd. We’ve worked together for years now so I was honest with him. I told him about her affair and said that if she came to our shift I would quit.
I’m a team lead, so I would be forced to interact with her every day.
Todd offered to deny her, and I said yes. Unfortunately, the only other department she could work in would be our dad’s, and neither of us is allowed to report directly to him, so she ended up getting laid off.
Afterward, Meg sent me a long text from a number I didn’t know, pouring her heart out. She said that she could no longer afford her apartment or car with no income and begged me to talk to HR for her.
I replied that none of that is my problem and to not contact me again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So her line was shutting down, yes? The line consisted of 2 people total? Otherwise, they did indeed have the ability to shift people around.
Your work chose not to. Also. Why can’t either of you work under your father, but you can be her direct lead every shift? NTJ. FIRST OFF her actions are so messed up. I’m so sorry you had to go through that OP.
But you knew your boundaries, you can’t work with that person, and made your sup aware. If they couldn’t manage to shift people around, then that’s that and was out of your hands.” Fiendishfrenzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You didn’t publicly smear or badmouth her, you privately stated the facts to your manager and offered to quit. They chose you because you are the better employee and are more valuable to the company, which says a lot about you because you both started at the same point and you both had the same opportunities.
The company decided to pick the stable employee who works well rather than hiring someone who is not as good and would cause workplace drama. That’s the smarter business decision. Additionally, you’re NTJ because you didn’t use any of the incredibly petty and awesome responses that were just right there for you to use, so another point to you for showing some class.
Every business out there is desperate for employees. Your sister could find a job in a heartbeat if she really wanted to. I think she wanted to stay in this company because she got some nepotism points since it’s your dad’s a supervisor.
Block her, and move on with your life.” DutyValuable
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t give the supervisor false information or exaggerated events as I read it. But just laid the facts out x and x things happened and due to that you would not be able to work with her.
And gave him an option, you would quit if she joined the team. All that is fair and square, the supervisor made a choice based on information. A supervisor would have been (if they do their job) able to spot problems even if you didn’t quit.
No one would have been able to treat someone fairly after a betrayal like that. Furthermore. It’s no different than if it had been a regular person from work. They do something that makes working together impossible. You go to a higher-up and inform them.
Always up to the higher-ups to pick what happens based on information.” Dangerous-WinterElf
8. AITJ For Leaving Home After My Dad Threw Me Out Over A Misunderstanding?
“I, a 19-year-old female have a 21-year-old partner. We have a tradition of going out every Saturday to take my 2 dogs out somewhere. One Saturday I booked a grooming appointment for one of my dogs.
My mom is one of those moms who has me on Google Maps and loves monitoring me. I mentioned to her about the grooming appointment of my dog.
I left early that Sat to leave my dog at the groomer and went with my other dog to the park.
Then my partner and I were at the McDonald’s drive-thru when my mom calls me furious telling me ‘where the heck was I, that I told her that my dog’s grooming appointment was today and I hadn’t gone back.’ I told her that the groomer said my dog would be ready in 3-4 hours.
My mom called me a liar and wanted me to give her the direct phone number of the groomer. I told her that that was not necessary and that she should trust me and I was old enough (I have been homeschooled since I was 14).
My dad later called me telling me to go back because I was disrespectful to my mom for insinuating she was toxic. Then proceeded to tell me that if I do not go to the house in 20 min they would kick me out.
I went to the house and when I arrived angry of course he said “if you don’t like it leave.” I took some belongings, made a suitcase, and left with my partner. My sister said I was being childish, so did my mom, my grandma, my aunt, and my uncle.”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like the phone conversation might have gotten pretty heated. NTJ. But at 19, you are way past the age of needing to be tracked. Your mother should trust you, and you’re out and about in the middle of a Saturday!
It’s not like you’re out bar hopping at 2 AM. Your parents are both in the wrong. You made a good decision to leave. I’d find something you can afford, and get an apartment.” Comfortable_Cut_8751
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry you are going through this OP. Your family sounds really controlling and toxic. Your post brought me flashbacks. Get your important documents as soon as you can, passport, SS number, birth certificate, and your cherished items. You need to extricate yourself from them because their control is not normal. Make sure your banking and savings are in your name only and they cannot have access.
Make sure you do all of this stuff in a way that they won’t notice and then disable the tracking. If only to placate your mum while you get everything out and then do it or if they might hassle you then disable it now.
Also, make sure they cannot apply for credit in your name. (I’m not sure how it works in your country).
It’s going to really really suck for a bit because you’ll question yourself many times over and it will hurt but I promise you you’re doing the right thing for self-preservation and your health, for your future.
It will get better because you’ll have your freedom and it sounds like you have a lovely partner who is part of your support network. Make sure you have a good support network that doesn’t snitch you out to your toxic family.
It’s also OK to play your cards close to your chest (i.e. be cautious) to make sure you are safe and secure. It will get better with time and you’re gonna be fine without them in your life.
You 100 percent have done the right thing. NTJ.” Upper-File462
Another User Comments:
“You’re a young adult and you’re growing up, but your parents are still treating you like a child. You have a right to be upset; your dad was wrong to throw you out over something like this.
You didn’t do anything bad. You should stay away and find another place to live if you can; find a job if you don’t already have one and try to rent a room with friends or other roommates.
But if you go back, you will continue to be monitored by your parents and berated if they get mad about where you are. I’m more than twice your age but my parents are still like yours. I didn’t answer my phone once at night because I accidentally left it in my car.
They blew up my phone and then called the cops to demand they check on me. The cops said no. I was in my 30s at the time. Some parents refuse to recognize that their kids have grown.
NTJ.” ComprehensiveBand586
7. AITJ For Letting The Chocolate Milk I Bought Go Bad?
“So I (22f) love this particular brand of chocolate milk that’s only available in a different province that’s about 6 hours away from where I live. Every time I travel up that way I make a point to stop and buy the biggest jug they have.
It’s literally my favorite thing.
At the beginning of March, I went for a trip up that way with some friends and brought home a 4L jug. When I came home I buried it in the back of the fridge and I told my parents (mid-50s) and my brothers (24&20) to please not drink it as I bought it with my own money and I rarely get to have it.
I did end up giving my younger brother and my dad a glass of it eventually though.
So unfortunately I got sick and wasn’t in the mood for chocolate milk and I totally forgot it was even in the fridge.
By the time I got better, the jug had expired and been thrown out.
Tonight we were having a family dinner and my dad had gotten groceries today and he picked up a jug of chocolate milk for everyone (or so I thought).
I went to pour a glass and my mom snatched it out of my hands and told me I was not allowed to have ANY chocolate milk EVER AGAIN because I selfishly would not share mine and let it expire instead of letting my brothers have it.
I was confused because like I bought it for myself? No one ever asked to have any? Even when I was sick and it was about to expire, it was never brought up and I didn’t think it was that big of an issue.
I totally understand not sharing something that I myself wouldn’t share but they all know how much I love this chocolate milk and how I always bring it back from my trips. Also, I don’t understand why I’m banned from drinking chocolate milk in the house now?
To me, the punishment does not fit the crime, but the rest of my family agreed with my mom and they told me I was a jerk for keeping the milk all to myself.
So I ask you, AITJ for not sharing my chocolate milk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got something that you have to travel for (paid for it yourself), and you got sick before you could finish it. No one asked you about sharing, and again, you were sick. The milk your mother bought was presumably for the entire household, that’s usually the case so of course you’d expect that.
Your mother and co are being incredibly petty about this. You sharing a special treat is by no means the same as them sharing something you can get at every grocery store.” 0dd_bitty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s a hard-to-get item and you chose to treat yourself, and if you had to tell them not to drink it it’s probably because they would’ve finished it without consideration. I’m sure if they asked you would have said yes, especially with the whole expiry date coming.
Your mum has issues and needs to get over herself. Everyone involved is an adult, your brothers are certainly old enough to buy their own chocolate milk with their own money if they want it. Why should you have to share?
Your dad bought it for the family, with the family food budget, you are part of the family. If your dad bought the milk as his treat, different story.” cassiaclay
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You would’ve been the jerk if they had asked you for some of your special drink and you denied them.
If they wanted it, they should have made it known and asked. I know how it goes where you get something and put it in the fridge only to have it absolutely run through so that everyone else gets more than you do, so I get why you would make the request for them not to drink it.
The only caveat is that depending on how you asked them not to drink it, you may have made it sound like you wouldn’t share it with them at all even if they asked, which would be a jerk thing to do.
I would say they were the jerks, but the communication could have been better across the board.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Not Giving My Mother One Of My Two Phones?
“I have two iPhones.
One is for the business I own & one is personal. I also do DoorDash to make ends meet while building my client base (I’ve moved states to take care of my mom and my clients are mainly in my previous state).
I will consolidate my phones as soon as the contract is up on one of my phones. I’ll end up saving about $100 per month!
About 9 months ago I bought my mom a new iPhone & put her on the service contract for my personal phone (I use a different service provider for my business phone).
She has macular degeneration among other ailments and even though I increased the size of the font on her phone, she still has problems when texting. I think it’s her clumsy fingers, not paying attention, and her eyesight combined. She gets so frustrated with the phone that she bangs it on her table.
I tell her not to, but she has quite a temper and would still continue to bang her iPhone against her living room table or throw it. She would cuss in texts and out loud about how much she hated her phone and how it wouldn’t work.
Fast forward ~9 months and my mother slammed her phone down on her living room table so many times and so hard that it’s bent. It quit working properly. I took it to the Apple Store & they told me they couldn’t fix it.
I’m still paying it off so I didn’t buy her a new one. She can’t use any apps, can’t answer any phone calls. She can only call people by saying “Siri call so-and-so” and she can send and receive texts using Siri.
One of my aunts has been pressuring me to give my mom one of my cell phones. I do not want to. I use both of them & I’m consolidating them at the end of the month when my contract is up.
Also, I don’t want her (or anyone else) to have access to my info that is on either phone. If she loses it or breaks it, I’m screwed.
My aunt put me in a group text with other family members calling me out and making me look bad for not giving my mom one of my phones.
I’ll copy/paste my response to her in the group text:
“My phones will be consolidated at the end of the month! It’s going to save me over $100 per month! The work one is where the lawyers who are having me do two files for (business name) can get ahold of me.
And they need to get ahold of me several times per day. It also has all my financials. The personal one is how my friends, family, and partner can get ahold of me, and where I can do DoorDash, and how the (another business I work for) gets ahold of me.
So I can’t really give up either one. The answer is no. Please don’t ask again because it makes me sound like I’m just being a selfish jerk when there’s actually a valid reason. Plus I don’t trust her not to break whichever one I give her!
Lol. After they’re consolidated, I can get the screen fixed on the (service provider) one and give that to her.”
AITJ for not giving my mom one of my phones? Was my response rude/jerky? I’m not confrontational, so I’m worried.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you probably shouldn’t be buying your mom some expensive iPhone if she does stuff like that. I’m no expert but I think a phone with an actual physical keyboard would probably work better for your mom.
They are a lot easier to use when typing compared to something like an iPhone keyboard. You can only find Androids like that nowadays though. If she wants to stay in the Apple ecosystem and doesn’t care as much about form factor maybe buy her an iPad or an iPad mini and put a SIM card in it.
It will basically be able to do everything your phone can do except everything will be a lot bigger and more visible, not to mention it would be a lot cheaper.” FaizerLaser
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. What a terrible move from your aunt to call you out like that.
Also, I feel you are already stretching out your resources as much as possible to accommodate your mom and the whole situation, and your mom did not appreciate the phone you had already given her. As long as she can communicate in case of an emergency, which she can, I do not see any reason to leave you without one of your phones.
Also.. it sounds you have a plan once you have consolidated your phones, so it is just a matter of time. They are being impatient and selfish, not you.” Ale_vv
Another User Comments:
“I think the communication was unclear because it included unnecessary details (I don’t know why we/your family needs to know how much you’ll be saving when you go down to one phone plan?) and obscured important ones.
“I’ll be consolidating phones on X date. If you’d like to get her a new phone before then, I’m happy to help her set it up on our billing plan,” gives everyone what they need to know and nothing to confuse them.
Your mom got frustrated with the phone because she’s getting older and things that were once easy are now hard. That’s a fact of aging, and everyone has to decide how they’ll respond to it, and try to make things easier where they can.
There are products that can help, sometimes it’s embarrassing. A heavy-duty phone case is a lot cheaper than a phone. If you’re going to give your mom another phone, give it to her in a heavy-duty case. You could also look into the accessibility features the phone has.
Your mom’s vision is getting worse and there’s software that can help. Apple may have classes at their stores on the topic. NTJ I guess. Your family members kind of suck.” TheMoneyOfArt
5. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Sister After She Spread Lies About Me?
“My sister has proven time and time again that she cannot be trusted by doing various things:
1. Talking negatively about me to my roommate and playing both sides profusely.
2. Made my pregnancy a living nightmare by spreading lies with our cousin that she lived with (at the time) on a very public platform.
My sister and I’s relationship has been rocky ever since she confessed to her and my roommate talking negatively about me anytime there was any type of confrontation between my roommate and me.
Ever since then, I had decided to still maintain the relationship with her being that she was my sister. Over the summer I made a friend and expressed to her how I didn’t like sharing friends with my sister due to the roommate situation a couple of months prior.
Near the end of the summer, I find out that they had been hanging out the entire time and even with my cousin (the one my sister was living with, we’re not on good terms as she is a pathological liar/raging narcissist and we went separate ways).
I said nothing to either of them and instead, just cut contact by blocking them both on social media and leaving my sister’s number unblocked (in case of emergency). That caused her to flip out on me calling me controlling and a psychopath.
There were a few more things said that I cannot recall off the top of my head. The point being was, that I had set a boundary with her in hopes of still being able to maintain a relationship with her, and she completely disregarded it.
I told her to contact me when she moves out of our cousin’s house, as I could tell she was speaking through her.
My cousin then took it upon herself to help my sister make the next 5-6 months of my life a living nightmare.
At least once a month I would wake up to screenshots of my cousin and sister making posts about me on a social media platform FILLED with lies. I was always so caught off guard considering I had them blocked for 5-6 months.
I also stopped leaving my house due to being terrified of the public BECAUSE of their posts.
Here recently, my cousin kicked my sister out and she’s back to square one living with a family member. Our mother and grandma keep pushing me to consider talking to her again saying that she is “back to the old her”.
I find it hard to forgive her so fast being that she knows I’ve always wanted to be a mother and that this was basically a dream come true for me, and she made it a terrifying and miserable experience.
I also firmly believe she wouldn’t be so quick to make amends, had our cousin not switched up on her like that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She shamed and lied about you publicly, she can stay living with your parents.
If she was truly sorry I’d be demanding a sincere apology AND for her to make a statement on any public platform, that she used to share lies, admitting that what was said about you was untrue and she is sorry for lying and the pain it caused you.
Only then will you consider opening the doors to a relationship with her (not her moving in, just in general aka have a coffee). If she is not willing to do this then she isn’t sorry and is not worth your time.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Has she even apologized or asked to be forgiven? You should tell your mother and grandmother that their experience with your sister is different from yours. You only put up with her for as long as you did because she was your sister.
She has not come close to making up for all she’s done to you, and it’s not your responsibility to fix the relationship that SHE broke, it’s hers. A simple apology is empty words. Until she demonstrates actual remorse for her behavior and accepts full responsibility and makes amends in a meaningful way (talk is cheap), she proves she not truly sorry and does not deserve forgiveness.
You don’t need to talk to her for her to prove she’s sorry or to show she accepts responsibility. If she’s not willing to put in the work to repair your relationship, why should you make it easy by letting her weasel her way with empty words.” Veridical_Perception
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Family is who you choose to be your family, and a toxic lie-spreading stalker does not need to be one of them. If your mother and grandmother disrespect the boundary you’ve set about not having your sister in your life (i.e. continue to harass you about it, facilitate communication between you and your sister, inviting you places your sister is without telling you, etc.), then you need to go LC or NC with them as well, and any other flying monkeys that come at you.
I’ve had to deal with a toxic family member before (my mother), and believe me, the flying monkeys are the worst. Let’s just say that out of my family of roughly 100 people, I’m only talking to about 5 of them.” HappyElephant82
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Play With My Partner's Spoiled Younger Sister?
“I’ve (F) been seeing my partner (Rosalie) for about 4 years now and have been to her house numerous times. She has a younger sister who I’ll call Elaine (6yo), who her parents had 12 years after and because of this, the whole house spoils her.
About 6 months ago they allowed her to have a computer and now every time I come over Elaine wants me to play with her. Normally I’ll come up and play with her for about 30 minutes but when I eventually try to break away to be with who I actually came for, Elaine will cry and scream at the top of her lungs which is very annoying.
This recent time when I tried to break away from her she started to cry and Rosalie came out of her room and told me that it was fine for me to play with Elaine for a little longer.
However, I didn’t want to and this caused a big fight between us and I ended up going home early.
Elaine also just generally sucks the fun out of anything I try to do with her. For example, when I do eventually give in it turns into her screaming and crying because I did one minuscule thing that she thinks is the end of the world (ex: picking up a different color truck than the one she wants).
Because of Elaine’s attitude, I have stopped playing with her as often and purposefully pretend like I don’t hear her asking me to play with her or giving short answers when she shoves her tablet in my face to show me her game character.
I understand that she’s only 6 and I’ve tried to ignore it but it seriously ticks me off when she throws her tantrums and Rosalie looks at me as if I’m the jerk for not catering to HER little sister.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It isn’t all the kid’s fault she’s a brat. What the family thinks is cute now, won’t be soon. Unless the child has a condition other than overindulgent parents, I wouldn’t put up with it.
I would set a limit. You will play with her as long as she is respectful of you saying no, not bending to her whims, etc. She is six not two. The minute she starts a tantrum, remind her once.
She continues, immediately stop playing. If anyone doesn’t like it, then don’t play with her at all. NTJ.” Accomplished_Two1611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like a tricky dynamic to navigate. Are you spending a lot of time with Elaine alone, while Rosalie is elsewhere?
It seems like Rosalie might be similarly frustrated with having to hang out with her much younger sister and uses you as a chance to give herself a break. Is it possible to hang with your partner in ways that don’t involve Elaine, like outside of the house, at yours, or when Elaine is out?
Feels like minimizing contact with the 6-year-old will save you the most pain while still being able to hang with Rosalie.” lxv371
Another User Comments:
“Having tantrums that result in getting your way creates self-centered manipulative spoiled brats.
If little sister is “the boss” of the family at 6 years old, which it kind of seems like she is, imagine what the family scenarios will be when she is 10, 12, 14, 16, etc. I would not expect this family dynamic to change.
Leadership has to come from the parents, and it sounds like they are very ok with the current situation – not having to spend time with 6 year old precious. You are young and might want to consider other relationship options unless you are ok with being further pulled into this dysfunctional family.” MushroomSufficient
3. AITJ For Telling My Friend Why People Don't Like Her After She Triggered My Body Image Issues?
“I have this friend and she’s very straightforward. She also struggled with making friends which took a toll on her mental health. She’s nice and sweet but the problem is, she has no filter. I appreciate her honesty but sometimes, she pokes fun at my insecurities despite me coming clean to her a couple of times on why we should lay off topics about dress sizes and body weight because it triggers my body image issues.
So we went to the mall and she wanted to help me shop. I told her that I wear a size medium or large then her first reaction was “Oh my god! You’re a large? I’m extra small.
I can’t believe you’re large.” I tried to laugh it off and told her, “Yeah. I’m not petite.” I didn’t think much of it until she started handing me clothes that are sizes small and extra small which I obviously can’t fit into.
She also started repeating over and over how she couldn’t buy this shirt because they only have it in small and it was too loose on her. She then went on about how she could fit into child-size clothes.
She basically spent the entire afternoon talking about how she was extra small and I was large. I hit my boiling point when she commented that I don’t look Japanese to her because my face is round and big with no v-line.
She eventually asked my opinion about why a lot of people don’t like her. Since I was so annoyed anyway, I just told her straight, “It’s because you act like a pick-me girl and you are overly competitive over pointless things.” She stared at me in disbelief and started crying.
I usually apologize but this time, I didn’t.
Should I call in and apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve found the vast majority of people who are “I’m just brutally honest, it’s nothing personal, I just say it how it is!” are actually not that nice, don’t just say how things are but instead cherry pick things they know will annoy/offend/denigrate in an effort to make themselves look good in comparison.
It sounds like your friend’s ego and self-worth are tied into her perception of others and how she’s “better”, in her eyes, than them. You were honest, in the moment, and that doesn’t require an apology. An afternoon of supposedly friendly shopping which was just her complimenting herself or being nasty to you?
That’s what she needs to apologize for.” Sacred_Apollyon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, she doesn’t sound ‘straightforward’ or nice or sweet, she sounds purposely malicious. She knows you have body image issues and she’s purposefully pointing out your size and comparing herself to you to make you feel bad (or herself feel better?).
A truly ‘straightforward’ person with no filter might do something hurtful like telling you you look large in something or something doesn’t suit you. The nonsense about giving you obviously too-small clothes and talking about how small she is isn’t because she doesn’t have a filter, it’s because she’s intentionally being spiteful.
This girl is not your friend.” grammarlysucksass
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is not straightforward she is a jerk. Being straightforward doesn’t mean making ridiculous comments that have the potential to hurt someone, it means sharing Constructive Feedback or unpopular truth about something that requires feedback.
She might be honest and this is her real personality. There is a reason why people don’t want to be her friend and I would advise you to maybe stay away from her because she is not the kind of person you want to share your important experiences or expect support.” Expensive_Pepper9725
2. AITJ For Pretending My Taller Sister Wasn't My Sister At My Birthday Party?
“My (17m) 17th birthday party was yesterday, and I had invited a ton of my friends over to my house. The thing is, my sister also attended, which was kind of embarrassing.
My friends already tease me about my height of 5’6 (although we all tease each other about different things), and I knew my sister (18f) wasn’t going to help since she’s a good three to four inches taller than me, not to mention if she wore her boots which would make her even taller.
It’s honestly really embarrassing to have her as my sister when I’m with friends since I know they probably would make fun of my height more if they found out I had a much taller sister, but I don’t really care when I’m not with friends.
At the party, my sister went to talk to me when I was with my friends. One of my friends asked her if she was my sister, but before she could respond, I just said that she was a female friend of mine with the same last name.
My sister was staring at me with her mouth open because she knew I said it seriously, and then she just left.
The party ended a couple of hours later, but my sister hadn’t said a word to me and is ignoring me.
I’ve already told her why I pretended not to have her as my sister, but she’s still not talking to me. Our parents are really upset with me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you need to get over the short man syndrome and concentrate on your personality.
No one really cares how tall or short you are when you are a genuinely good person and fun to be around. You also owe your sister an apology along with a great hamburger at her favorite burger joint.” Nagadavida
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your insecurity is a you problem, and a pathetically big one it seems… to pretty much deny your sister’s existence because you either have bad friends or are too much of a coward to seriously bring up what bothers you (i.e. you can’t deal with jokes about your height, because you’re actually insecure about it), is no excuse for this kind of behavior.
The only embarrassing person I can make out is you.” Nyaseoki
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Pretending that you don’t know your own sister over something as trivial as height? I don’t blame her for pretending you don’t exist since you decided to do the same thing to her.
And you’re young, so you probably think that her being taller than you is just the worst thing in the world, but it isn’t. It really isn’t. You’ll realize that when you’re older and realize how stupid it is.
But you need to apologize to your sister. What you did was really really bad.” InuMiroLover
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Go To Church With His Friend's Family?
“My son was at a sleepover last night. The other boy’s mom called me this morning to ask if my son could go to church with them this morning instead of dropping him off here as originally planned. I firmly but politely said no. She said he was interested in going and they were running late, so skipping dropoff would help them get there on time.
I said I could pick him up, but she said that would delay them further because they’d need to wait for me to drive out there before they left. I reiterated that under no circumstances was my son going to church with them.
She got offended and said she’d let her son go to the mosque with us. I said that was her prerogative, but I wasn’t her. She was upset when she hung up. I texted my son, and he said they’re on their way to our house.
Now that the heat of the moment has passed, I wonder if I was rude to her. Was there a better way to handle the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting things to go like the original plan.
After all, it was the plan. But did you talk to your son to check if he was interested in going? Because if he was and if you didn’t have any plans, then you could be a little jerk, there’s no harm in it, experiencing different religions helped me form my own opinion about goodness and god.
Religious people can get pretty intense in some situations, he would be alone with people you don’t know, so yeah, maybe it was the right call.” bzno
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know some people believe all religions are good.
And it doesn’t matter where you’re going because you’re getting your God fix wherever. I’m not one of those people, and there are a lot of religions I don’t want anything to do with and if I had a child I definitely wouldn’t want them to be exposed to it.
I understand your feelings, she definitely put you on the spot. And I don’t know what else you could have done beyond saying I don’t want him to go, that’s your prerogative as a parent. It wasn’t something discussed when making the arrangements, they weren’t like – “hey we go to church at this time what are we going to do about picking up or dropping off?” Which makes me think that maybe they did it on purpose because they wanted him to go with them?
I would say apologize to the mom if any offense was taken, and just say it is something that you’re not comfortable with. And no disrespect to her, you think they’re a wonderful family. And that you hope that your kids can hang out again, and next time you can make arrangements ahead so that it doesn’t make them late in the morning.” jenniferandjustlyso
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a pretty serious discussion and not something for them to spring on you last minute just because they can’t manage their own time. Also, she claimed your son was interested in going – but was he?
How would you know unless you had actually spoken to him? It could be an interesting experience for him – but would require actual advance conversation between you and him and whoever family else is in the picture, and so forth!
Honestly, I have been accidentally tricked into going to church enough that I’m grateful on his behalf that you insisted he be brought back. One time, my “friend” said, “let’s meet up for lunch!” And the lunch she meant was immediately after church service and so I had to listen to a church service and then eat church lunch.
Yeah, we’re not friends anymore. Another time in middle school, my super religious friend campaigned for me to go to her youth group and finally I agreed because I was promised ice cream at the end of the night.
Well, it was a terrible experience where they all talked about the people who were going to heck, too bad so sad, because they weren’t part of the church, and about weird missionary experiences, and then WE DIDN’T GET ICE CREAM.
I could go on but in essence: NTJ.” SnooRadishes5305
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