People Hope We'll Understand Their Points In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Suggesting That My Partner Let His Kids Stay With Their Mom On Christmas?
“My partner and I have been together for 11 months. This is his first Christmas with my family, in fact, the second time meeting them but first Christmas with them.
He has 2 kids (11 & 7). I suggested that since this is his first Christmas with my family he might be feeling a little stressed and having the kids there too might not be the best idea. I suggested that he let them spend Christmas with their mom while he attend my family’s Christmas alone.
He got offended and took it as that I was hiding/excluding his kids from my family but I explained not wanting to expose the kids to any awkward moment there between him and my family since it was the first holiday they spent together and they don’t know him that well.
He got upset and said he felt sad for the kids because of my suggestion and told me it’s his turn to have them this year and he will not spend it away from them. We began to argue and he didn’t take my suggestion well.
I told him it was just a suggestion but he told me to stop trying to ‘justify’ my actions.
He texted later lecturing me about how hurt he was by my suggestion.
AITJ? I was just trying to make sure he will be comfortable around my family.”
Another User Comments:
“Let’s not pretend your suggestion has anything to do with you worrying about him feeling stressed to spend Christmas with your parents. It’s completely about your comfort, let’s be real. If anything, especially given his reaction, having his kids there would probably put him more at ease.
As a parent, this would give me pause for thought on the relationship. He has to alternate spending holidays with his children – most parents are not willing to miss out on that more than they already have to. YTJ.” Mountain_Internal966
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You are also a terrible liar.
‘I was just trying to make sure he will be comfortable around my family.’
If that was even the tiniest teeniest bit true, if you actually cared about his comfort and his feelings, you would have asked him what he wanted to do.
You would have listened to his thoughts and ideas about how he wanted to spend time with his family (that’s his kids, by the way).
Instead, you’re like ‘Kids are a nuisance. Let’s ditch ’em for Christmas’. That’s all about you and your comfort.
You are not ready for a relationship with someone with kids.
If they are a half-decent person, the kids come first.” coffeecoffi
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – He’s a divorced dad, it’s his Christmas with his kids, why on Earth would he consider spending it without them, to ask that of him is appalling. Just because there is potential for an awkward interaction doesn’t mean that the kids couldn’t handle it.
You need to understand that his kids come first, a lot of men don’t get the opportunity to have their kids like this, and you need to be fully supportive of this. Suggestion or not, it should not have even been a question.” Pronebasilisk
22. AITJ For Showering In Front Of My Cat?
“I (nb 27) recently had my partner (m25) move in with me.
He’s from a very city family and I’m very country. He’s never had pets before, whereas I have several animals – most importantly for this story, my cat Pokey.
Pokey was a stray who I took in when he was under a year old. He was very nervous and aggressive initially.
I took him to get neutered and all his shots etc., and with a lot of gentle care and trust-building, he’s… well, he’ll never be the cuddliest cat. But he loves to sit on my lap and get his head scratched for a few minutes before he gets jumpy and bitey, and the rest of the time he really likes to be close to me and watch me and what I’m doing in that cute/creepy way cats do!
He’s very vocal, and if he’s ever shut out of a room he’ll cry. So, rather than having him cry outside my bathroom every time I shower, I just let him come into the bathroom.
My partner says this is weird and unhealthy because I’m letting a cat stare at me without clothes.
I think he’s being ridiculous because… Pokey is a cat. He doesn’t care what I’m wearing or not wearing. It’s not like this is some voyeuristic thing for me! It’s just easier for everyone if he just sits on my clothes and keeps them warm for me while I’m showering, rather than making a fuss outside.
My partner is also upset that I call Pokey ‘my little man’ and ‘my baby boy’ and smooch his little head whenever he’s feeling cuddly. I admit I call my partner ‘baby boy’ too, which my partner loves – it’s a cute thing between us – but he’s really not happy about me using it on the cat, even though the cat’s been ‘baby boy’ longer than he has…
This is where I might be the jerk. I know a relationship is about compromise – and I have compromised quite a lot since we moved in together. I cook stuff my partner likes as he’s a lot pickier than me, and I vacuum a lot more because he thinks the house is ‘dirty’ if he sees even one cat hair on furniture, etc. But I refuse to shut Pokey out of the bathroom when I’m showering and I won’t stop calling him pet names and giving him tiny head kisses.
I’ve tried talking to my partner and have explained that as he’s never lived with an animal before, he doesn’t really understand what it’s like. I’ve explained that it makes me seriously uncomfortable that he’s insinuating that I have some sort of thing going on with my cat.
He says HE’S seriously uncomfortable with how close and affectionate I am with Pokey, and that I would be the jerk if I keep ‘treating the cat like he’s on equal footing with my partner’.
AITJ for still letting Pokey watch me shower?
EDIT: I have plenty of pet names for my partner that I don’t give to the cat, i.e. ‘handsome’ and ‘hot stuff’ are only reserved for him!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And it is seriously unhealthy that your partner is demanding that be placed above your cat. Unless there is a fire, and you can only save one, there is no competition here. You won’t be in a relationship with your cat.
There is enough love for both.
And I suspect the cat is fascinated by the water and warmth aspect of the shower. I also imagine taking off clothes is an alien concept to cats. Wear a swimsuit in the shower; if the cat suddenly and consistently is no longer interested, he might have a point.
ETA: This behavior would also be a red flag for me. It could indicate deep insecurities and hints at a desire to control you to help him feel more secure. Not just a city thing here. At all.” tropicaldiver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should mention that you’re treating Pokey like your baby, not your partner, is he going to be jealous if you guys have kids and you’re affectionate toward them too?
That even explains the shower thing in that young children will come in and join you when you’re in the shower or on the toilet. It’s not inappropriate. Your partner’s the one making it weird. I dunno if I’m weird, but since we’re all trading stories, not only does my cat come in and watch me while I’m on the toilet like the little knight in fuzzy armor she is, but we also put her litter box in there, so sometimes we poop together!
So uh, there’s that.” Catisbackthatsafact
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. being weirdly jealous of your partner’s pets and comparing yourself to them is always a red flag. So is demanding that the relationship your partner has with their pets knowing full well the pet was in their life before you, and it was the pet’s home first. Also, what a weird list of things to be jealous about.
Cats like to watch people and probably like the heat or sound of the shower, besides the fact that Pokey likes to stay close to you anyways.” Worms444Brains
21. AITJ For Prioritizing My Own Family Over My Friends?
“I (25F) have a best friend/roommate (23F) who we’ll call Anna. Anna has a two-year-old son, who also happens to be my godson. I love him to absolute death and I have since the day he was born. Anna and the father aren’t together (one-night stand situation) but they are extremely good co-parents.
I don’t know much about the father, but they’re both in the Air Force and have to report to drill one weekend of every month. Anna gets her drill schedule in advance so I can help her out with my godson when she’s not home and so I could also drive her to her drill (she doesn’t have her license).
I also will watch him for her if she goes out since I’m a homebody and too tired to join her whenever I get home from work.
A few weeks ago I found out that my grandfather who lives in Italy was diagnosed with brain cancer, and this is going to be his last Christmas.
I was always very close with my grandfather, but he moved out of the states when I turned 20, and due to the global crisis I haven’t been able to see him. I decided to book a last-minute trip to go to Italy for a month and a half since I was able to get paid family leave from my job and my grandfather’s health is deteriorating rapidly.
I informed Anna the night (Dec. 7th) I booked my flight and that I would be leaving to see my grandfather. She immediately became enraged and told me that I would be interfering with both of her drill weekends for December and January. I apologized to her and tried explaining the situation, but she continued to call me selfish for not letting her know (or as she says, keeping her in the loop).
I acknowledged that this was completely last minute, and asked if my godson’s father could help in any way. She exploded on me again, telling me that he’s a loser and wants nothing to do with him and that he’s the reason she’s a so-called ‘mess’.
As much as I tried to explain to her that I understand I agreed to help out with her son, my own family comes first. She then proceeded to call me a horrible friend for not helping her, especially since she will have a week-long drill in January while I am away.
She told me that I’m self-centered and making her life 10 times harder. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If you don’t see your grandfather before he passes, then you will have to live with that regret for the rest of your life. Regret can haunt you later in life, and change the person you are now.
Your friend, yes, she is serving but seems to think she is entitled to free child care, and free uber.
Emergencies come up, and what you have to deal with is a lot, and it could end up being traumatic for you. She is worried about drills, babysitting, and a ride.
EDIT: I wonder if she really is your friend at this moment, or if she sees you as a gofer (Go for this, go for that, Run me here, run me there, here babysit my kid). If she was your real friend, a friend would say ‘look go’ and help you pack, and be kicking you out of the door.” Working_Ostrich1780
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What’s making her life harder is the one-night stand she had with the ‘loser’ and she didn’t think of using protection. Sure you’ve agreed to help her out, but that was when you thought you had the time.
Turns out you can’t do it which you told her as soon as you could and decided you will be flying over to your grandfather. Her reaction is just gross. Pretty much as if she’s just using you as a free babysitter tbh, because what kind of friend doesn’t get it, that someone’s own family is more important to them, especially at a time like that?
You did the right thing by booking the flight, you would be really sorry if you couldn’t meet him before he goes. I hope you can have a great time!” Alexandra98s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, now you know what your friendship means to her.
She has easily forgotten all the favors and help you’ve given thus far. You need to put some distance between you and her. You also need to pull back on free babysitting and childcare. You’ve saved her $1000s and she calls you self-centered.
You are going to see your grandfather for the last time.
This is more important than anything else right now.
When we give things frequently and freely without expectation of thanks or payment there will always be those who will take advantage of our kindness and helpfulness.
When you get back from Italy it may be time to move on from this friendship for good.” Pretend_Librarian_35
20. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit A Diabetic Kid?
“I (18F) babysit for several families in my neighborhood. One of the families that I babysit for recommended me to this woman who is new to the neighborhood. She contacted me on Wednesday asking if I could babysit her two kids from Friday evening through Saturday afternoon.
Apparently, it was her friend’s birthday and they were spending a night in the mountains to celebrate. She asked me to show up a little bit early so that she could go over things with me. Nothing abnormal, especially since I’ve never met them before.
I show up and she starts going over the usual stuff, and then she starts talking about insulin and b***d sugars.
Apparently, one of the kids (5 years old) has type one diabetes, and she didn’t think that it would be important to let me know beforehand.
I have ZERO experience caring for diabetic children. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable, and she just said ‘oh don’t worry it’s easy’ and then tried to show me how to give an insulin injection. I also told her that I am squeamish around needles, and she kind of laughed it off and continued trying to teach me.
I finally had to cut her off and basically told her that unfortunately, I wasn’t comfortable caring for her diabetic child on such short notice, especially since she will be hours away (and probably intoxicated let’s be honest).
She started freaking out and begging me to stay, as she didn’t want to miss her trip.
It seemed like she was about to cry as I was leaving, which made me feel bad. I texted her when I got home and basically said that in the future I would be willing to try, but I’d like to have some kind of ‘trial run’ and we could build up to overnight once I actually knew what I was doing.
She read my text but didn’t respond.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that is a serious thing to have to deal with that can have some pretty devastating consequences if you fudge it up. Plus, I can relate to the needle squeamish feeling. I can’t even p***k my own finger for one of those simple allergy tests much less do so to someone else.
You don’t spring it on someone last minute that they’ll have it perform a medical procedure on a kid and keep track of medical information. You warn the person beforehand to make sure that is something they are comfortable doing, especially when your kid requires it to stay alive.” Eviltechnomonkey
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
She should have told you so you could have advised that you were uncomfortable. At 18 this will be something you’ll likely start to run into more often and many babysitting courses do cover first aid, injectables, etc. It would have been nice if a compromise could have been reached – perhaps one of your parents would have been comfortable helping you out in that regard.
This is a learning moment for everyone. For her, to mention up front that a child has a medical condition and for you to ask if any children that you will care for have any medical condition or other issues that you need to be aware of (put that on your list when accepting a new client).
I was a single parent and rarely traveled or went out so I can understand why she would have been in tears. I’m not saying YTJ, it’s just beyond difficult to get a babysitter at the very last moment.” Prudent_Explorer0163
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Parents need to be upfront with prospective babysitters about their children’s accommodations, relevant medical history (if still ongoing), and temperament; I’d never leave a medically vulnerable child with someone who wasn’t trained & comfortable with administering a lifesaving medication that typically cannot wait. Leaving b***d sugars too high for too long can cause a coma or even death; if you’re not trained & comfortable then you did the right thing; even though diabetes is common, not everyone is comfortable taking on the responsibility of caring for a diabetic child.” Few-Entrepreneur383
19. AITJ For Banning My Nephew From My House Until He Changes His Attitude?
“I (31f) have an older brother (37m) who is a narcissist and just a horrible person.
He signed his 2 sons (15m) (16m) over to our mother when they were toddlers. My husband and I live on her property with our two kids because she has a good bit of property and she allowed us to build our home on it when we were married.
My brother has been spending quite a bit of time at my mother’s house. My older nephew has realized what a horrible person my brother is and avoids him as much as possible. The younger one, however, constantly follows my brother everywhere. Every morning, my youngest nephew comes to my home for help with his homeschool work and while he’s here, he complains about how annoying my brother is and how he can’t stand him.
When I questioned him about why he follows him everywhere if he can’t stand him, my nephew said my mother forced him to do it.
Saturday, my mom and I were sitting on her front porch, watching my kids ride their bikes. I asked her why she was forcing my nephew to do everything with my brother when he’s made it clear he can’t stand him.
She was confused so I explained what he had told me while at my house. We also talked about how he is slowly developing an attitude and has started displaying some of the same narcissistic behaviors as my brother. Soon after he came to the porch and she confronted him and he denied everything.
I called him a liar and he got mad and started yelling and being disrespectful. I don’t yell at my kids and don’t accept being yelled at, so I told him I was done talking to him and he wasn’t allowed to come back to my house or play with my kids until he can stop being disrespectful and acting like my brother.
I’m the only one that can help with his school work though, and without my tutoring, his grades will suffer. But I can’t allow him to continue with the things he is doing. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your nephew was caught in a lie and when confronted with that he became aggressive by yelling and being disrespectful.
There is no reason to let that slide and have him continue to come to your living space until he adjusts that behavior. As you said, he is unwelcome UNTIL he can adjust his behavior so if his grades suffer then that is unfortunate, but ultimately it is in his hands to fix it.
He can apologize and as long as he does not continue the negative behavior he would be welcomed back to continue getting help with his work.” tharpenau
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your nephew confided in you how he was feeling and instead of being his confidant and helping him through a difficult time you went behind his back and told your mother what he said.
You have lost his trust and now this kid has no safe place to go.” BlueBelle2019
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anything outside of having him see the consequences of his lying will help him become a pathological liar into adulthood. Narcissism and pathological lying go hand in hand.
They are a complete nightmare and ruin lives. Especially if they have kids. I have known several and have SEVERE trust issues. Some people truly thrive on the attention and chaos they create and he was probably internally thrilled a scene was caused. Stay firm and don’t let him manipulate you as that is where he is getting the benefit of his pathological lying.
It’s hard to lie when people won’t give the attention required to lie.
He needs some therapy and communication skills so he won’t resort to pathological lying. Pathological liars don’t care if they destroy themselves and lying and tantrums become their automatic response to EVERYTHING.
Sowing discord is not a life strategy. I see you care about your nephew and don’t want him to go down a bad path.” IHeartTimTams
18. AITJ For "Booby-Trapping" My Leftovers?
“I (24M) live with my brother (22). We are renting an apartment together and have been since he moved to my city for school. Our parents bought the apartment for us to use until we graduated. After I graduated I talked to my parents and took over paying half of all the bills.
When my brother graduated he also decided to stay.
It is a pretty sweet deal. We live in an expensive city and we could never find something as nice for what we pay.
So my partner and I have been together for about a year now.
My brother is more of a womanizer. Which is fine by me.
Yesterday my partner (21F) and I ordered Thai food and had supper at home. Then she spent the night rather than go back to her dorm. I like my food hot and I like the way flavors blend and mellow in leftovers.
So I put a bunch of chili sauce in my leftovers so I could take them for lunch today.
My brother brought home another date. So my partner and I went to my bedroom to watch tv and stuff.
Around midnight last night, I hear screaming coming from the kitchen.
So we get up to check. I guess the random was hungry and decided to eat my leftovers. Not cool but I could deal with it. But she cannot handle spicy food. So she is in a lot of pain.
My brother is trying to get her to clean her mouth with oat milk.
It isn’t helping. She is calling me a jerk for ************* food. I said she didn’t buy the food so why was she eating it?
So now my brother is on his way to a convenience store to get actual milk. She was still cursing me out when she left with him.
My partner is on my side but my brother says that I should not have spiced my own leftovers. I told him to pay me for what she ate. That shut him up.
I probably wrecked his evening. Don’t care. But he keeps texting me and saying that I screwed him over.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me get this straight: a strange woman comes to your apartment for entertainment, she has no idea who lives there, who does what, then raids your fridge and eats leftover food, then claims you are ‘*************’ your food? Repeat the above several times.
She needs to be grateful the only thing bad that happened to her at a strange apartment is that she ate spicy food. NTJ.” NCKALA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother probably told her that it’s fine she eats the leftovers. You need an agreement that this doesn’t work.
But you can spice your food in any way you like. It’s your food. It’s mental to think you could have expected his hookup could be hungry and wanting to eat your food. Apart from that: it’s a pretty funny story.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know if she just helped herself to whatever looked good or if your brother told her to take it. Either way, this is on them. It was your leftovers and you were the only one expected to eat it. You have every right to spice up your food any way you want.
You don’t owe anyone an apology. The silver lining here is I highly doubt your brother will ever let one of his dates just eat your food again.” User
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Cousin's Family Stay At My House?
“My cousin, his wife, and their three kids (2F, 3M, and 6M) are losing their housing through no fault of their own. They have really scrambled and managed to find other housing, but there is about a 6-week gap between when they are to be out of their old house and when they can move into the new one.
My husband and I don’t have a close bond with them, but geographically we are physically the closest. They’ve asked us if they can stay with us before they move into their new place.
Neither my husband nor I want to house them for 6 weeks.
We both work from home and there is no way we could do so with three young, and very active, children in the house. But the biggest problem is our dog. He is sweet and well-trained, but he absolutely hates kids. He will snarl and growl if they get too close and has straight up just peed out of terror when a kid has run up to him.
Because of this, I don’t think this would be a safe living situation, especially for such a long period of time. I told my cousin no because I don’t think having three little kids in a house with a dog who won’t tolerate them is a smart idea.
My cousin immediately started arguing and suggested I find somewhere for my dog or keep him locked up in our bedroom. I think both of those suggestions are really cruel. That dog is my baby.
My cousin called me a jerk and his mom (my aunt) also called to scream at me for ‘making her grandbabies homeless over a dog.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They can no more ask you to lock your dog in the bedroom than you can ask them to lock their kids in a bedroom. It’s a terrible idea.
It also sounds like, given the WFH situation, their presence will have a negative effect on your profession and livelihood.
And I know better than most that the expected duration of hosting couch surfers is NEVER the true duration. It absolutely has a good chance of being way longer than 6 weeks.
You’re not ‘making her grandbabies homeless over a dog’. You’re refusing to upend your whole life and family and end up ruining your own home life to accommodate the misfortune and entitlement of someone else.
And that someone else isn’t someone who you ever had any obligation to.” SheWolfDanielle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The dog isn’t THE reason but A reason. The fact that you both WFH is already enough. Most of us who have done that realize that many who have not really have little to no respect for what that actually entails.
Your home is a place of business during the workday and unless it is massive, there’s no real way for little kids to be little kids and allow you to conduct business. You would literally be putting your livelihood at risk. nopity nope nope nope.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“It’s your home and your choice. NO is a full sentence.
Your dog is part of the family, why should he have to go elsewhere? Given you work at home another reason to say no.
Just because you are the one nearby, doesn’t mean you have to house them.
If it’s only six weeks, surely there are other relatives like your aunt. She is not helping.
So no NTJ.” Possible_Laugh_9139
16. AITJ For Letting My Son Teach Other Kids About Menstruation?
“My (33F) husband (46M) and I have been married for almost a year, and he has two sons from his previous marriage (13M and 11M).
The other day, he took my son (12M) with them to the birthday of a friend of his kids. They were just going to be outside for a few hours and play (American) football. My son has no interest in playing football but he says he likes being in places where there are a lot of tall boys because he thinks being short is funny.
So, when my husband told him a lot of the boys at the party were going to be tall, he wanted to go but he didn’t play football with them, just watched from outside. After the game, he was eating burgers with the other boys and this was where the issue started. My husband and the other adults were at another table so they didn’t really hear what happened at first.
The kids were talking about girls and the birthday boy ‘explained’ that the reason women usually don’t play physical sports like football is that if they get hurt and bleed, they can’t get pregnant anymore and that this was a medical condition called menstruation. My son corrected him and explained what menstruation was and how periods work.
The issue is that the boy then went crying to his father saying my son made him feel uncomfortable and ruined his birthday. None of the other kids felt offended, it was just him.
My husband thinks that even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with my son having knowledge about feminine issues, I should tell him to be more discrete with that information when talking to other boys his age.
I don’t think he did anything wrong. I would even say he did a good service to those kids, teaching them. I usually never fight with my husband so the fact that we are now having an interpersonal conflict about this makes me doubt if maybe I am a little in the wrong.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Good on you for teaching your son about feminine issues, that’s awesome! I agree he didn’t do anything wrong.
However, I’m not really seeing a jerk here. The crying kid isn’t a jerk. He’s a kid who was probably not raised with the same knowledge your son was, and was reacting as kids do when they’re faced with something that makes them uncomfortable.
He needs to learn, and hopefully, he will, in due time.
Hubby isn’t a jerk either. I wouldn’t call him a saint, but there is rhetoric (especially among men) that period talk is something to be ashamed of or made to be embarrassed by. We all have to unlearn that at one point or another.
Jerk is a little strong. Maybe ‘misinformed’ or ‘ignorant’ could be a better word. Luckily, you’re raising an awesome kid who challenges these norms. Maybe your husband can learn alongside him.” calfred_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Good on your son for being enlightened on what the other half of the population deals with.
Even better that he taught the other kids a thing or two about their ignorance. The other father is part of the problem and should have told his son that your son was correct and that with getting older comes getting educated. Apparently, that father never got that memo – to him it’s better to save face than to learn something (he likely taught his son that nonsense, by the way).
Your husband needs to also learn that perpetuating falsehoods is no way to keep the peace or make friends. Why be discreet about the truth when people are obnoxious about ignorance, falsehoods, and crap?
Do not allow your husband or that other father set a bad precedent for your son – make sure your son is never ashamed or afraid of telling the truth and calling people out on their nonsense.” SilentCounter6750
Another User Comments:
“I mean, I’m a man, but… it seems like most women I know want this sort of talk to be normalized so that it DOESN’T cause this exact scenario, where people are offended or made uncomfortable by a conversation regarding a perfectly normal female bodily function.
Without knowing the tone of what your son said I guess it’s hard to say whether he was condescending or whatever, but if that topic makes the birthday boy uncomfortable he shouldn’t have been talking about it. Sounds like your son accurately and politely corrected him.
No jerks here, unless your husband is being a jerk about this, or the birthday boy’s dad was angry. I’m with you, teenage boys should be educated on this more.
Either way, you’re NTJ op.” sleepingfox307
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the kid was ok with talking about menstruation when it had to do with physical injury but only felt uncomfortable when the conversation changed to actual female bodily functioning?
This tells me that it’s not an issue with your son and more of an issue with how the other kid’s parents talk about women’s bodies. My reaction would be to ask why the kid was uncomfortable about the normal functioning of 50% of the world’s population.
Let the other parents justify out loud why their family is squeamish about this, my guess is that they don’t have a reason that is acceptable to say out loud. No apologies necessary from your end.” bettycoops25282
15. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Food?
“Yesterday I (23m) asked my friend Su (21f) for a ride to my doctor’s appointment because my car has a flat and I can’t afford to replace it right now.
When Su picked me up from my appointment she had one of her friends (let’s call her Qi) with her whom I wasn’t that close with.
She had picked her up during my appointment and the two planned on hanging out after dropping me off at home. I got in the back and was relatively quiet because I was tired and also just didn’t have much to contribute to the conversation.
We stopped for gas and I put as much as I could in her tank while still leaving enough to grab something to eat. Some background, I work overnights and my appointment was at 11 am and I’d been up since 6 pm the night before and hadn’t eaten at all.
Because I don’t have much to eat at home and I was too exhausted to cook anything, I asked Su if we could stop anywhere nearby so I could get something to eat. The only place on the way was a McDonald’s, so we went through the drive thru and I got some fries and nuggets.
After we left McDonald’s I kept the bag closed and didn’t eat any because I wanted to save it to eat while I watched TV and relaxed. A few blocks from my apartment Qi turns around from the passenger seat and asks if she could have a couple of my fries and a nugget.
Awkwardly, I tell her ‘sorry, but I haven’t eaten all day and this is gonna be my one meal.’ Qi and Su are both like ‘come on, it’s just a couple of fries. You don’t need all 20 nuggets,’ and stuff like that. I say more firmly ‘sorry, but no. This is all I have.
I used the last of my money on this.’ After that, it was quiet for the last block or so and nothing was uttered but a quiet goodbye by Su and me when I got out.
I woke up around 7 pm with a long message from Su saying how I was stingy and ungrateful.
She said I embarrassed her in front of Qi and that Qi was offended. She said I was already being rude by not talking much after she picked me up and only made it worse when I didn’t want to share my food with Qi.
I’ve messaged her twice today about how I’m sorry she feels that way but I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, but she insists that I’m a jerk and need to apologize to Qi.
I feel stupid just typing this out because it seems clear to me I did nothing wrong and this is such a dumb thing to be mad about.
But Su is convinced I’m a jerk and now I just need to know if I’m just blind to the fact that I’m actually a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Qi was actually the jerk by asking to share your food. You all went through the drive-thru – she could have ordered something for herself.
You kept your bag closed. That’s a pretty clear signal that you are not planning on eating alone in front of them, nor are you sharing. Su might have felt embarrassed, but she’s directing it at the wrong person.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If they demanded food I would have demanded Su give back the money spent on petrol so you could give it to her in cash so she could buy her food.
Su was the one doing you a favor and taking you to the doctor. As a thank you the petrol was put in her car. She doesn’t get additional compensation and she shouldn’t expect you to feed her AND her friend PLUS put petrol in her car.” Inallea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but Jesus! Su and Qi are just appalling. First, you got gas for Su’s car. Then you spent your last money on your one meal of the day, yet they asked and asked for some of it, then tried to bully you.
And Su did know that you needed the ride because you couldn’t afford to fix your own car. What awful behavior. They should be so ashamed of themselves.” Purple_Joke_1118
14. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Take Care Of The Kids While I'm Away?
“I (29 F) have 2 kids (6F) and (3F). My husband works weekdays from 8 am to 3:30 pm and after work, he normally goes out with the boys and normally gets home around 5 or 6.
Here’s how my typical day looks; I wake up at 6 am, make coffee, and read a book, then I do laundry, make breakfast and work and school lunches, wake my eldest at 7 am, get her ready for school, wake my husband, wake my youngest, drive my daughter to school, then do the shopping, cleaning, making lunch, etc, then I pick up my eldest from school, and make dinner.
I do everything every day and when my husband gets home he eats, watches tv, and falls asleep. I haven’t had a full day to myself since my youngest was born, I really need a break from all this madness.
Well, the other day my friend called me and asked if I wanted to go have lunch with her, then go shopping and maybe go for a drink or two.
I was extremely excited and couldn’t wait to just chill for the first time in ages. I told my husband and he didn’t seem to care that much so I assumed it would be okay and he would watch the kids. Well, the day came and as I was leaving my husband stopped me and asked when the babysitter would be here, I told him there was no sitter and he would have to watch them.
He went insane on me and told me I can’t just expect him to babysit while I go out and have a good time, he told me that unless I find someone to watch the girls I couldn’t go. We got into a huge fight and I ended up just calling my sister to watch them.
He’s been giving me the silent treatment ever since and refusing to talk to me, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband needs to start acting like a parent and a partner. He sounds hostile and selfish. Does he even like you and your daughters?
While you are figuring out what to do about your marriage, may I suggest a few strategies? Find and train 1-2 babysitters. Set them up on regular and recurring schedules so that you have predictable times out of the house to do what you want.
Maybe start at 5 hours a pop, one Saturday a month, and one weekday a month. Also find another stay-at-home mom whom you trust and who has nice children around the same age, and alternate taking each other’s kids for playdates.
Your situation stinks and you have my sympathy.
Good luck, OP.” justmeat23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Excuse me? He won’t LET you go out unless YOU make sure there is a babysitter? Assuming he wanted your children, then you could and should expect him to do his job and be a father sometimes.
Either he mans up and looks after the kids or HE can call a babysitter. How are all things children your solo gig? And now HE is throwing a tantrum because you expected him to be a responsible adult and look after the children he has with you?
I don’t want to sound rude, but there are several, colossal red flags in the room here.” Iothil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to explain to your husband calmly and clearly that you aren’t hiring a babysitter when he’s perfectly capable of taking care of his own children while you go out for a day.
If he is unable to grasp that, then I recommend you screech from the hilltops that he needs to invest in a babysitter if he wants to enjoy some ‘boys time’ after work and see how well that flies with him.” Equivalent_Secret_26
13. AITJ For Being Mad At My Sister-In-Law For Taking My Kids?
“So I (29f) and my husband (31m) have 4 kids together (9f, 8m, 4f, 2f). My husband’s sister (28f) and I were best friends in high school and then grew apart once her brother and I got together. In my opinion, this has made her feel she can take extra liberties with my children and home, and take advantage of me sometimes.
She is also one of those people who laughs and says ‘Oh I’m blunt’ but really she’s just rude.
The conflict is this: Over the weekend, my SIL stopped by my home while my kids were outside playing, opened the door to say Hi to me, and then said she was going to let my kids say hello to hers.
I assumed she meant by opening the door to her vehicle. About 30 seconds later I see her vehicle driving off, and in a panic went to the door to put eyes on my youngest, only to notice all the kids were gone.
As a mother, my first instinct is extreme panic when I don’t see my kids.
In this specific situation, I knew my SIL had them, and assumed she was driving down our road less than half a mile to take them to my Mother in Law’s house. In any other situation, this would have been fine, but I was immediately angry, because not only was I not asked, but she told me something different.
My MIL texted me within a minute to let me know my kids were there, and when my SIL brought them back (about 10 minutes later) she and I had words.
I won’t go into detail, because I honestly don’t remember my exact words, but the gist of it was, don’t ever do that again or I swear to god.
She left and immediately called her brother, my husband, to complain about me, and tell him how I need to have respect for his family. When he and I spoke, he explained how he backed me up but also doesn’t think it was that big a deal because I knew the kids were with an adult and where they were.
I remain convinced I’m justified in being very upset, but after days of the cold shoulder from my SIL and my husband insisting it’s no big deal, I’m wondering if I’m overreacting. So. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You didn’t know where the kids were. You had a guess that fortunately turned out to be correct, but if not, there wouldn’t have been anything you could do about it. And there was no good reason for her not to ask whether it was okay for her to take the kids over there before she just went and did it unless she didn’t want to give you a chance to say ‘no,’ so she deprived you of the opportunity to act or make a decision there, too.
Put your foot down so that she doesn’t get to be around the kids at least until she’s willing to acknowledge what she did wrong here. And if your husband would rather downplay what she did than stand with you fully, maybe it’s time to go to counseling to figure out why he finds it so hard to set boundaries with her.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You do not remove someone’s kids from their property without their clear permission. What she did was kidnapping. This is not a minor situation.
It is nice that your husband backed you up, but if he doesn’t agree that there needs to be a hard boundary against behavior like this then you and he need to have a serious conversation.
Are you sure he got the full and true story from your SIL? It sounds like she is purposefully crossing boundaries (that should not even have to be set – I mean, kidnapping?) as a way to assert dominance within the family dynamic or to ‘put you in your place.'” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ – not even close. When a mother tells you that your actions with her children caused incredible fear and panic, then that is the end of it. A dignified SIL would have responded with the contrition that her innocent intentions caused you such real dread.
Instead, self-righteousness was her priority. She may not have meant harm but she did cause it. Shame on her for her behavior. You are not overreacting. Her indignant reaction is beyond out of line.” Hapnhopeless
12. AITJ For Trying To Catch My Roommate Stealing My Face Wash?
“I have sensitive skin and acne, so I use a special face wash. It’s not prescription, but it’s an expensive and hard-to-find brand.
Over the past few months, I noticed it seems like I’ve been using it up faster than normal. My roommates know about it because when it was late to arrive I asked them to look for it in the mail and when it got here they were like hey your face wash got here.
Coincidentally, I noticed my roommate (the only one I share a bathroom with) hadn’t replaced her face wash for weeks, and I got suspicious she was using mine. So when I left for a two-week vacation last month, I weighed the bottle before leaving (we have a food scale that my roommate has for her diet, and we’ve all explicitly been told we can use it whenever we want).
When I left the face wash weighed 8.3 oz. When I got back it was 6.9 ounces.
I confronted my roommate and told her nicely that it was my special face wash and to please avoid using it. She denied it vehemently. It’s an opaque bottle, so not really visually obvious how much is in it, so she probably thought she could get away with lying.
Then I revealed that I’d weighed it and that 1.4 ounces were missing, which means she must have been using it almost every day. She turned beet red. Now she’s been avoiding me for days, but she told my roommates I’m a psycho, controlling jerk for weighing it, and says normal people wouldn’t do that, and that using a little face wash is normal and isn’t a big deal. I don’t know what to do.
Should I apologize? Did I overstep my boundary? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
People love trying to shift their perspective so their selfishness isn’t the problem This is all on the Roommate. I suggest keeping your facewash in your room until she moves out. If she says anything else about you being the jerk remind her that stealing is the jerk move.
She is essentially stealing funds from you because the facewash is expensive. No one would question the validity of your actions if we were talking about cash directly.” Dammy-J
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. She got caught, that’s why she is angry. You not only caught her stealing but also lying about it and you have proof.
Do you really wonder why she tries to turn this thing around and make you the bad guy of the story and paint her as the victim? It is her only chance to get out with minimal damage to her image. Just remind everyone of the facts, she stole and lied about it and now she’s trying to blame you.
I hope your friends and roommates are not that easily manipulated.” stollentrollin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They shouldn’t be using your stuff, end of discussion.
You’re not crazy for weighing your own things. They’re manipulative. They put you in a situation where you felt you needed to weigh your face wash, and then gaslit you about it when you provided proof.
Maybe keep your products in your own room or somewhere they don’t go so they don’t even have the opportunity.
And me personally, I would start looking for a new place come the end of your lease. Living with someone you can’t trust, who steals from you, lies about it, and then has the audacity to try calling you the psycho is so stressful.” lorannamae
11. AITJ For Wanting A Christmas Present From My Parents?
“My (19M) sister Bree (17) is a brat; my parents spoil her rotten and if she doesn’t immediately get her way she’ll throw a tantrum and my parents will always give in to whatever she asks for.
I wouldn’t say she got in the way of me or our brother (23) getting anything, but it was always really obvious who got more.
My parents emailed me asking if I would be okay with doing a ‘low-stress’ Christmas this year, as in nobody would get gifts for anybody else, we would just spend time together.
I was fine with this since I don’t want anything anyway and it would make things less stressful like they said. I called them to let them know, and they immediately told me what to get Bree. I was confused, and said, ‘I thought we weren’t doing gifts this year?’ My mom said ‘Yeah but Bree is different, you know how she’ll get if she doesn’t get something.
Besides, she’s still a baby.’
This made me mad. Not because I wanted gifts, but because it felt like Bree was getting to be the favorite again. I hung up and looked on the family Amazon account, and they have already gotten her a brand new tablet, a bunch of accessories for it, a name-brand giant makeup case, and loads of smaller things.
I called them back and told them that I won’t come home for Christmas unless I get a gift; it doesn’t have to even be a fraction of what they spent on Bree, it could be literally the smallest thing, I just want one gift. They told me I’m being childish and they thought they raised me better.
I told them that was the deal and hung up.
I told my housemates that I might be staying here over the break, and when I explained why, they said I’m being immature and that my parents don’t owe me anything because I’m an adult now.
I told them the gift isn’t the point, it’s that Bree is obviously being treated differently from me, but they said it’s because she still lives with them and is still a kid, and that I should grow up and stop being entitled. I think I’m justified, but now I wonder AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The rules were no one gets a present but now the golden child has to have a bunch of gifts including gifts from everyone so she doesn’t get upset. Scratch that. For your own mental health and well-being it’s time to consider low to no contact with them.
Don’t keep setting yourself up to get hurt because your parents obviously favor your sister.
You’re a whole 19. This you’re an adult argument is ridiculous. She’s always been favored even before you were 19. Your parents have made it clear they favor one child and that child exploits it to the fullest extent.
There are people out there who may not be blood-related to you but will be a better family than these people. Find them. Go live your life. Don’t keep running back to people who make you feel less than others because ‘family.'” muskiesfan1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
For wanting to be treated equally. Trying to communicate their behavior to them doesn’t work most times either. No matter how old you are your parents owe it to you to treat you better. You may not be ‘entitled’ to a present, but it seems ridiculous that your own parents wouldn’t do for you what they are doing for another barely younger sibling.
I understand how it feels, with direct siblings and stepkids sooooo… No, hold your ground, and set boundaries for how you want to be treated. It’s not about the presents, I see that. It’s a build-up of everything. Stay strong!” Kaaos22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are absolutely right. It’s the principle of being told by your parents that Christmas this year will be low-key with no gifts and treated as a time to spend together as a family, while in the same breath being instructed to buy a gift for your golden child sister (who is already going to receive a ton of presents from them) otherwise, she’ll throw a tantrum.
‘I told them the gift isn’t the point, it’s that Bree is obviously being treated differently from me, but they said it’s because she still lives with them and is still a kid and that I should grow up and stop being entitled.’
Those excuses will continue long after Bree stops being a kid and has flown the nest. They’ve raised a spoiled brat that they don’t know what to do with, so they give her what she wants and demand that others do the same to give them an easy life.
So no, you’re not ruining Christmas and neither are you being entitled or childish. Your parents are only upset with you and lashing out because you’re pointing out where they’ve failed as parents, as well as leaving them on their own to deal with a 17-year-old’s tantrums ruining their ‘low-stress’ Christmas.
Good luck to them.” ImStealingTheTowels
10. AITJ For Removing My Christmas Stocking?
“I’m a married mom of two (4M and 2F), and every year I do everything for Christmas – put up the decorations, get all the gifts (including the ones for the mailman, garbage man, teachers, etc.), get all the gifts ‘from the kids,’ wrap all the gifts, mail all the gifts, put candies in the advent calendar, bake the cookies, plan and cook Christmas Day meals, position the dang elf on the shelf every night, and buy and fill all the stockings.
Including, for the most part, my own.
I spend a lot of time trying to be thoughtful and fill stockings with things I know each person will actually like and appreciate, and mine usually feels like a bit of an afterthought, with one or two things put in by my husband, and the rest of it being things I buy for myself just so it looks like there’s something in it, and so no one else feels bad that they didn’t fill it.
I’m feeling tired of it all this year so I decided not to do all the things I usually do. It still feels ‘Christmas-y’ around the house and the kids won’t notice anything different on Christmas morning, but I told my family not to get me anything because I’m not getting them anything, including stockings.
They kept fighting me on it and figuratively winking at me like they didn’t think I was being serious. So I took my stocking down to show them I mean it. I don’t really care about gifts for myself, anyway, but I especially don’t want to do all the work and spend all the money when I’m the only one who ever does it.
Some extended family members live with us, too, and now they and my husband are trying to guilt me into putting my stocking back up because they don’t like it down and they think it will negatively affect the kids. I told them no, I don’t need to see an empty stocking hanging on Christmas morning and I don’t need to leave it up just so they can put some random things in it because they felt like they had to.
I just don’t care that much, and it honestly feels really freeing to make that choice for myself and stick to it. But they’re all telling me I’m being selfish and taking away from the magic of Christmas for the kids and all of them.
Am I the jerk for scaling back on Christmas and taking my stocking down?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Celebrate the day with your children, spoil them rotten, and ignore anyone who makes no effort for you. Include the kids and people like the mailman, garbage man, and teacher (they do a lot for you!
And it’s lovely that you appreciate them!) but yeah, don’t go above and beyond for people who don’t do anything for you.
Also, can I suggest that you get gifts ‘from the kids’ that are only addressed to you with the money that you save from buying stuff for everyone else, and you fill your own stocking with cute little treats and enjoy it by yourself?
Like, you’ve earned some nice stuff! Those expensive but really nice chocolates and biscuits you can only justify getting at Christmas, a cute jumper, silly socks, a pamper kit/spa day, a new computer game, or whatever it is you’re into!
Have a good Christmas OP, I wish you and your children all the best.” crystal31415
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But sometimes moms/wives put themselves into the exhausting position by trying to ‘do it all’ to start with. Kids don’t need an advent calendar (or dad can go buy it for them). Cookies don’t need to be baked (or dad can bake with the kids), and Elf on the Shelf is a stupid thing some jerk started to make moms feel guilty if they don’t do it right.
And why are you planning and cooking Christmas dinner by yourself? Surely your husband at least does the clean-up afterward?
So no, NTJ for saying ‘enough’. Sit down with your kids and find out what traditions they like best. Then do those, but share the workload.
But spitefully taking down your stocking is kinda… childish. Leave it up and be graceful about whatever ends up in there on Christmas morning. Why would you need to feel bad about what gets put in there, or doesn’t? It’s not your responsibility.” Zootrainer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the kids even notice/ask, then there are any number of ways to explain it without disrupting things, or even reinforcing things.
If your family is one where the stockings are filled by ‘Santa’, then it’s easy enough to say something like, ‘oh, I already have so many gifts coming from you and your Dad and everyone else, I barely even know where to put them all!
So this year I wrote to Santa and told him that I don’t need any more presents, and what would make me happiest would be if he could give the things for my stocking to other kids instead’ etc.
Be wary that your husband (and the other family members) may be using the kids as a cover for their own discomfort at seeing you ‘break tradition’ (this year it’s no stocking, what will it be next year, no tree?).
Might be worth asking if that is really what is going on.” RichardFine
9. AITJ For Asking My Bio Sister To Dress Shop But Not My Bio Mom?
“I (33F) was adopted shortly after birth. I have an identical twin sister, Lena. She was not put up for adoption, because I was the 13th baby, and she was only the 12th.
She was raised not knowing I existed, as were all of her siblings. I knew because originally my parents were supposed to adopt both of us. The bio-parents took her back after a month.
We found each other at 14 at the King of Prussia Mall.
It was rather more shocking for her than for me because I knew she existed. My mom hid tears during the meeting because this was the baby that was taken away from her. Over the years, things have been rocky, but we’re fairly close. We don’t talk about her parents and I see them very rarely but know most of my bio-siblings and nieces and nephews.
My fiancé Damien (34M) proposed in June. I invited Lena and one of my nieces, Callie (16) to be my maid of honor and a bridesmaid respectively. We went dress shopping yesterday. Both took pictures and put them on their social media, as did I.
Now all day, Lena’s mom has been freaking out on social media about how her ‘ungrateful daughter’ didn’t even invite her to go dress shopping.
She’s also been blowing up my emails and my phone about how ‘cruel’ I am to exclude her. She gave me up for being ‘bad luck.’ We have zero relationship. I didn’t even think she’d want to be invited either to the shopping or the wedding, especially when my mom was there.
So AITJ for not inviting her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not her ‘daughter’. She abandoned you for a superstition like a dog, even animals don’t do that. She wasn’t there for the first steps, for when you had a cold, went to school, or any important milestones.
She wanted the good times, but not the consequences, and threw you and your sister initially, like a piece of paper. Your real parents are your adoptive parents who gave you a home and what a child needed most, and that is – not abandoning you.
You owe her nothing. But put that entitled woman in her place.” mary21o
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Lena’s mother isn’t your mother. You don’t see her as your mother. Your mother is your mother.
You, as the bride, get to choose who you want to take with you when you try on dresses.
Whatever the reason, Lena’s mother chose to give you up for adoption, she now has to accept that you do not see her as your mother. You don’t acknowledge her as your mother. You have a mother, and Lena’s mother isn’t her.
Lena’s mother can complain on social media.
She can blow up your phone. She can, unfortunately, try to put Lena in the middle. She cannot force a relationship. She cannot make you love her. She cannot remove the pain that she caused your parents.
NTJ. I am glad that you and Lena found each other and have developed a relationship.” mrslII
Another User Comments:
“It’s wonderful that you have such a great relationship with your sister and your other siblings and family.
But wow. That woman has some nerve. She is NOT your mother. I understand that people have their reasons for giving up a child, but saying you were ‘bad luck’ is beyond disgusting.
She doesn’t deserve to be in your life.
You did nothing wrong. Block her from contacting you.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
NTJ.” cuter_than_thee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and a gentle reminder that the number 13 is mainly considered unlucky because Friday the 13th is when the Roman Catholic Church turned upon its own templar order.
But more to the point: Your DNA donors are superstitious jerks who let a harmful practice destroy any chance at a relationship and don’t deserve you. I hope your twin and niece don’t listen to the flying monkeys who also clearly don’t care about everything you went through knowing that you were given up solely due to the order of your birth.
Your real mom sounds like a lovely woman and please give her a hug from this internet stranger after ensuring you have everything password locked.” twilitfall
8. AITJ For Refusing To Replace A Car I've Written Off?
“It’s incredibly cold in the UK at the moment and there is a lot of snow and ice (at least where I am).
I drive my fiancé’s car to work (I’m a named driver) and today I lost control on the ice and hit a metal barrier. The front axle is broken and the body is pretty badly crumpled and the insurer has said it’s almost certainly a write-off.
I’m okay physically though.
The insurance will pay out but it won’t be enough to cover the cost of buying a new car outright. So my fiancé told me I needed to make up the cost between the insurance payout and buying him a new car because it was my fault.
I’m happy to pay the lion’s share but I said I wouldn’t pay that entirely on my own because 1) it was technically my fault but I wasn’t driving irresponsibly it was bad weather, 2) the old car has depreciated in value anyway so the difference between that and a newer car (he doesn’t want an exact age/mileage equivalent) isn’t solely my responsibility, 3) we’re getting married in spring so these kinds of purchases should be a joint thing as our finances will be joint anyway.
He’s not budging and said I should be paying and if I don’t then I’m unreasonable and unfair and that this isn’t the way to start our life together. He also made a fairly nasty ‘joke’ about me being a female driver which I thought was uncalled for.
He’s now in an absolute huff and doesn’t seem to care I could’ve been really hurt today.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told him you are willing to pay most of it, which is fair. I’d pay the difference between what the insurance pays out and the cost of an exact replacement.
If he wants to upgrade, that’s on him.
Also, maybe take a step back and see if you still want to marry him. He’s worried about money and not your safety, and he’s making sexist jokes. Maybe this is unusual for him and all his good qualities balance the others out but make sure that’s the case before moving forward.
Definitely have a serious talk with him about how you will handle money in the future.” NotACraicKiller
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think he should be buying whatever vehicle the payout will buy, or he needs to argue with his insurance about the actual value of his vehicle.
You sound reasonable to be open to paying ‘the lion’s share’ as you put it, and he really should have considered that letting you use the car that he is assuming risk with this. He wants a sparkly new car out of this mishap and isn’t willing to pay for the upgrade.
This doesn’t feel like it has anything to do with the accident as he’s not happy with just a fair replacement.” FamousResident
Another User Comments:
“I’m glad you are ok! I’m going to go with NTJ and that he’s kinda being the jerk here.
You shouldn’t have to pay more because he wants a certain type of new car. I would agree to pay for what the trade-in value of the car would’ve been BEFORE the accident (less whatever insurance pays out). If you want, you can help him with a downpayment on a new car, but if you do that, I think the decision for WHAT car you get, should be made by both of you, AND that you should purchase the car together.” Bethsoda
7. AITJ For Calling My Friend A Jerk For Not Helping Pay His Daughter's Tuition?
“This all started 17 years ago when my friend and his partner (now married) gave birth to my daughter Jasmine.
They had a baby they didn’t want and gave it to me. I was friends with this guy for a couple of years and my wife was infertile and was devastated we couldn’t have kids. So they gave us the baby and life was good until the global crisis hit.
The global crisis hit hard for us and my wife lost her job. Thankfully, I got a better job and make money now enough to support our needs and barely scrape by for my daughter’s tuition.
Now, on the other hand, my friend and his wife are living on cruise ships.
He makes a lot of money so much so that he basically lives on cruises and owns a nice condo in Honolulu. They wanted to visit my daughter and during dinner (at a fancy restaurant paid for by them) offered to pay 20% of my daughter’s tuition.
My daughter said why not more and they told her that she wasn’t their responsibility as they gave her to me and my wife. Dinner was very awkward after that and outside I called my friend a jerk for not paying my daughter’s tuition. I said he makes very good money and he can afford to pay the tuition.
He told me off and left and went back to his fancy condo might I add. While my daughter was in her room crying claiming she hates her father. So much so that she blocked all contact with her biological parents and claimed she hates them and never wants to speak to them again.
I don’t know how I will cover the 50 grand. (it’s basically half my salary over 2 years)
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The key word here is your daughter. Covering college expenses is something you should have considered and planned for when you adopted her seventeen years ago.
Offering to contribute anything after they relinquished her to your custody is generous and entirely optional on their part, so say ‘thank you’ and work with the school’s financial aid office on figuring out where the rest is going to come from, or with your daughter on looking at cheaper schools before they decide to make it nothing.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I’m curious how you’ve been presenting the situation with her birth parents to your daughter all of this time if she feels so entitled to their money. It sounds like you want him to participate when it’s convenient for you, even though he was clear he didn’t want to raise a child.
If you were going to be open about the relationship and that he was her birth father, then you needed to have set clear boundaries from the beginning.
At least it’s clear that your daughter’s attitude wasn’t genealogical.” Legitimate-Tower-523
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This is under the assumption that you’ve never asked your friend for help during the raising of your daughter. Now that something is expensive and because your friend has achieved a nice lifestyle you want him to contribute. He did a morally nice thing, which he didn’t have to do, by saying he would contribute.
But you decided to press him out for more money and share that same idea with your daughter instead of explaining why he doesn’t have to.” Inner_Ad8390
6. AITJ For Feeding My Baby Sweet Potato?
“My sister is one of those people who is an expert on everything.
Yesterday she saw me feeding my baby sweet potato and freaked out. She said babies can’t handle anything solid until six months. My pediatrician said every baby develops differently and at different rates. My baby has been reaching for toys and bringing them to his mouth to gum on, which to me indicates he is ready for some textural variety.
My sister got very heated, and she kept shoving her phone in my face. I told her that she isn’t a doctor and I don’t care about her opinion. I know that the second part was harsh, but I don’t appreciate being yelled out. She started crying and said I was going to kill her nephew, so I said she had to leave.
My sister told our mom about what happened, and she called me to tell me off for kicking my sister out. She also implied that I’m just being lazy and selfish. I don’t think it’s any of her business or my sister’s, but they both think I’m a jerk for the way I treated her and the sweet potato.
Sorry, forgot to include the baby’s age. He is 20 weeks.”
Another User Comments:
“Pediatric PA here. Every baby is indeed different but if your baby already hit certain milestones it’s perfectly fine to try solids at that age. In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics says it’s fine to start at 4 months as long as certain milestones have been reached as well.
Sweet potatoes are a great one to try, and if your baby is handling it well then great! If not, wait longer. Simple as that.
I’m sure you’ve already done all of this/planned for this but introduce one new food at a time to watch for allergies, expect changes in poop, brush up on infant CPR, and Solid Starts is a great app to help in the solids introduction process.
Oh and NTJ.” Both-Tree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Babies can start solid food at 4 months if they are ready. The usual time to wait is 6 months, but if your baby is ready before 6 mo. you can start them early. The baby has to want the food.
Just because you let your baby have some solid food doesn’t mean you’re going to stop breastfeeding.
I’m assuming the sweet potato was pureed because it could be a choking hazard.” UrsaGeorge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing what you’ve discussed is best with your doctor’s recommendation for YOUR child.
I think your sister is the jerk. She has no right to come into your home and yell at you for your choices in parenting. Also, what’s the point in telling you that you’re going to kill your baby? Was the baby choking?
It sounds to me like your sister has some personal anxiety around child-rearing that she needs to deal with on her own.” Affectionately-
5. AITJ For Expecting That My Fiancé's Brother Would Support Me As I Plan My Wedding?
“I’m (30f) planning our wedding. I’d rather say ‘we’ but although my partner ‘Tony’ seems happy to get married, he’s not that interested in the finer details eg types of flowers, presents for bridesmaids.
He says he doesn’t mind either way which is frustrating me. I’m excited and want to talk about this all the time but he doesn’t and I sense him getting annoyed when I persist. He’s also having to work a lot of hours (he’s a doctor and very busy).
I was trying not to sweat the small stuff but felt a bit resentful.
I sometimes wanted to vent but it seemed disloyal to badmouth him to my friends so I didn’t.
Recently though his twin brother ‘Bill’ called me about some detail and I ended up venting to him.
They are very close and it seemed less disloyal – to clarify, I didn’t say anything terrible – Bill calmed me down and gave a male perspective. I told Tony later; he was fine and maybe a bit grateful to his brother.
I’ve leaned on Bill quite a few times in the last few months, he’s managed to give support like this on several occasions and I’ve felt he was on my side.
We’ve become close and I’ve looked forward to him being my BIL.
2 things have just happened to break my trust in him though. Tony and I went for a night out with Bill and his SO. We started talking about the wedding and I hinted to Bill and his SO they would be next.
Bill said no quite strongly and implied he didn’t need the drama. Could have been talking about his SO though so I left it.
Then, I was trying to organize a ride to the wedding for a relative who lives near Bill. I called him and no answer.
I called a few times and then left a message asking him to call urgently. He immediately called back. When I explained, he was angry, said he had been with a client, and thought Tony had been in an accident or similar. I tried to apologize to him – explained how stressed I am and how the wedding was my top priority.
He said really sarcastically ‘Really, you should have said, I would never have guessed’ and some other things. I was so hurt and betrayed after all his support. It seems he was being deceitful and maybe laughing with his SO behind my back. I lost it a bit with him and told him I thought he was a horrible person and he didn’t need to come.
He said ‘good’.
I told Tony but his first instinct was it was my fault (without fully hearing my side) and he was also being cold with me. All I needed was some support.
How is this my fault?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Holy YTJ Bridezilla!
While your life might revolve around this one small event, not everyone else’s does, and it seems you are shoving it so far down everyone’s throats they’ve had enough. BIL tried. He didn’t have to, and he tried to comfort you, but you have taken it way too far.
You need to take several giant leaps back and reevaluate the situation, and then apologize to those around you that have had to deal with this.
And btw, your fiance knows your side, as he has been dealing with it for a while now.
ETA: you don’t mention when the wedding is, but if it’s not today or tomorrow, then there is nothing ‘urgent’ about whether a relative has a ride.” StevieB85
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
BIL was kind enough to let you vent that one time. That wasn’t an invitation to continuously vent and rope him into wedding planning. It’s not his wedding.
Your wedding might be a big deal to you. That doesn’t make it as important to other people.
And you’re a jerk for expecting that.
Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean that everyone else has to. So saying that BIL is next wasn’t cool. And I’m pretty sure the drama that he was referring to was from you.
Carpooling for a wedding is not an emergency.
Again, just because your life seems to revolve around your wedding doesn’t mean that BIL has to.
If you need help with your wedding, get the guy you’re marrying to do his share. Not the guy-adjacent.
For all the above reasons, YTJ. Also, I hope they answer your question as to why this is your fault.
From now on, keep your BIL out of your wedding planning. Figure out the wedding stuff with the guy that you are actually engaged to.” solo_throwaway254247
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Sis, if you need this much support planning a wedding, then you need to hire a wedding planner.
Roping other people into your drama because they were kind enough to lend an ear once, is not it? I say this as a bride-to-be also planning a wedding, so I get your stress, but you either need to handle it, learn to let some things go, or hire someone to handle it for you.
Hinting that someone ‘will be next’ is incredibly rude. Yikes. You don’t know where they’re at on their timeline, what conversations they’ve had, or if that’s even something they’re considering. Not all people want to get married.
If someone needs a ride and it’s actually urgent, they can call an uber.
Otherwise, you kick that task to a friend/relative to coordinate at their convenience. If this is a VIP guest like an immediate family of the bride/groom, hand that off to an appropriate member of the bridal party so you can follow up. Otherwise, you can let adults arrange their own transportation.
That shouldn’t be a bride’s task.
Your wedding is not everyone’s top priority. Heck, my wedding won’t even be MY top priority until we hit the final two weeks. For everyone else: it won’t be their top priority until the wedding weekend for the maids of honor and the day off for everyone else.
Your future BIL was very kind to put up with your drama at all, and you responded by being rude to him and disrespecting his time. That’s what makes you the jerk here.” Meemaws_BearCheese
4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Forcing My Friend To Move Out?
“I have a friend, Sarah, who separated from her husband 2 months ago. She was staying with me and my husband as her parents and the majority of our friends have pretty much disowned her.
My husband wasn’t happy when I told him she would be staying with us while she processed everything and was able to get back on her feet but he agreed she could.
My husband and brother-in-law are friends with her ex and they’ve continued socializing with him even though I told them he’s a bad person.
Sarah and I went for lunch and we ran into my brother-in-law and his friends, including her ex. Her ex started yelling at us and causing a scene when he noticed us. It was pretty scary and my brother-in-law had to step in to make him leave us alone.
I don’t know what my brother-in-law said to my husband but my husband gave Sarah money and told her to leave.
He never did it in front of me and he didn’t tell me he was going to do it before. I only found out a week after she moved out from her.
One of the reasons Sarah was staying with us is because her mental health is terrible right now and I was supporting her through it. I didn’t want her to be alone but now she is because of my husband.
I had a big fight with him and my brother-in-law.
Both of them kept telling me it was for the best and my husband said he had a responsibility to look after me and not Sarah. I was so mad I told them both they were heartless which left my husband upset with me. They both keep telling me I don’t understand so I’m refusing to apologize or take back what I said.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband and your BIL cannot withhold information from you and tell you it’s for your own good. They have clearly been fed a line by her ex, and they are choosing to believe him over you. That was incredibly condescending.
They need to apologize to you for paying your friend to leave behind your back.
They are both jerks.” sbh56
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for Sarah. You because you TOLD your husband (not asked him) that your friend was moving in. You also don’t get to expect your husband to give up being friends with your friend’s ex just because there’s a divorce.
Your husband: obviously, because he also went behind your back to get your friend to leave. Seriously, you guys have TERRIBLE communication on really big issues.” NorthernLitUp
3. AITJ For Breastfeeding My Baby Around My Father-In-Law?
“My husband’s family doesn’t celebrate Christmas, so in mid-December, we spend a week with them before flying to see my parents (who are Christmas-mad) to spend the holidays with them.
I didn’t really want to go this year as my husband and I had our son in August and they’re very pushy with their ideals. They’re the type of people who tell us their babies were talking and crawling at three months old, and because ours isn’t we’re obviously doing something wrong.
My FIL has made a few comments in the past about me feeding our baby – he has had formula occasionally due to supply issues and he’s very ‘just pick one’ about it. Before we went over he called my husband to tell me he didn’t want me nursing in any ‘family spaces’ because it made him uncomfortable.
Ie, I have to nurse in the bathroom or guest bedroom.
I agreed just because I didn’t want the judgment, but when I got there they asked me repeatedly why I ‘bothered to breastfeed’ when he obviously likes formula. I was upset but once again let it go and my husband had a word with them.
So, I was already uncomfortable, and my baby was hungry. Constantly going upstairs was getting frustrating. My MIL and husband were smoking outside and my FIL was cleaning up the kitchen. I decided to feed my son where I sat as none of them were present.
My FIL happened to walk back in the room and kind of groaned and asked me what I was doing before leaving to complain. My MIL came back in and yelled at me for breaking the house rules and doing something that I knew would make other people uncomfortable.
Called me selfish, asked how I’d feel if they walked around without clothes, etc.
I was pretty upset and my husband did his best to mitigate the situation. I called my mom sobbing and she offered to pay for my and my son’s flight to them but refused to pay for my husband as it was his parents’ fault (and, from her perspective, he didn’t do enough to support me).
I ended up taking the offer because I felt horrible. Obviously, this has made the situation worse, but my husband isn’t overly angry. He has told me I shouldn’t have broken their rules, which feels childish.
I thought I was in the right, and they were being jerks, but then my dad said they had a point and a right to be angry as it was their house and they laid down the rules.
My mom told him to quit playing devil’s advocate but now I’m really not sure. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sooo NTJ. If I’d have been there, I’d have jumped in to defend you. You were totally in the right and I’m disgusted that your baby’s own grandparents made you feel this way.
I’d not let them see the baby for the duration of your breastfeeding – maybe that’ll teach them to not be such jerks and to not judge you, and not to impose their stupid rules on you. Your baby needing food comes before their misplaced discomfort.
Your mother sounds wonderful. I love everything she said. And your husband is a tool.” EllieMacAus19
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Yes, your in-laws have the right to make their own house rules. But the rules are crappy and your in-laws are rude, judgmental people.
Your husband is somewhat of a jerk for not standing up for you more strongly, but at least he doesn’t seem overly angry about the situation.
Your behavior is part of this mess too. You agreed to put yourself in a situation that was likely to upset you (for good reason) and you knowingly broke a house rule, however obnoxious it was.
I’d suggest you thread the needle here by apologizing for breaking the house rule and leaving it at that. Then never visit them again. And when they visit your house to see their son, you can consider what sort of bizarre house rule you can set for them.
Cuz, politeness and pettiness can be a fun combination when you absolutely must deal with jerks.” Kthaeh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry that this is what you have to deal with.
Take a step back from his family. Set boundaries and if they break them I would take steps to cut them off as the disrespect will never end.
Your husband is AGGRAVATING and embarrassing. He should have done more to defend you and should be making sure his annoying family respects his wife, the mother of his child, and the mother of their grandchild.” goldiegolstein
Another User Comments:
“You’re a little bit of a jerk.
You agreed to something and then went back on it.
This is important because you’re going to need to set A LOT of boundaries for them in the future. If you ignore their (stupid) boundaries in their home, you can expect they will treat your boundaries with similar disregard.
That said in-laws are massive jerks and hubs is also a jerk because he should have gotten you all out of the situation earlier rather than trying to appease his parents.
Everyone sucks here.” lolifax
2. AITJ For Telling My Friend To "Man Up"?
“Taylor (30M) and I (31M) have been best friends since forever.
We were school buddies, and college friends, my parents love him, and we’ve vacationed together many times. Taylor is a very affectionate person, a kind, thoughtful guy.
Three years ago Anne (31F) and I started seeing each other, and now I’m pretty sure she’s the love of my life.
Brilliant woman all around. We’re getting married next January.
After a long and thoughtful conversation, my fiance voiced her concerns about inviting Taylor to our wedding. Basically, she had two main reasons for asking him: 1. Dress Code: Taylor is a 30-year-old punk. He wore a dress to our prom.
You know, that kind of guy. 2. Taylor is with a guy. Which is NOT the problem. But his partner is also very flamboyant.
Anne wants a very minimalist, quiet, calm, wedding because she struggles with anxiety and ADHD. So, that was her request.
I talked to Taylor the next day, and I told him about Anne’s concerns.
Tay said ‘do you think I’m gonna show up in a white dress?’ and laughed about it, but I told him he needed to promise he would respect the dress code. Black tuxedo for the guys… that was the code.
I got a little caught in the moment so maybe I was harsher than I should’ve been.
I told him to ‘man up’ and to ‘act his age’. I said some stupid stuff like ‘people laugh at you, you want to be a joke?’
He said ‘Sure, no problem’ and the next day he declined the online invitation. He keeps telling me ‘we’re good’ and everything is okay, but the situation is bothering me.
I love Tay, but I know he can be difficult. My group chat with my family is burning because they don’t understand why he will not be there, and our friends’ group chat is dead since the news dropped. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This could have been really easy ‘hey, it’s important to my fiancée that everyone respects the dress code’.
Telling him to ‘man up’, ‘act his age’, and ‘people laugh at you’ is beyond rude and mean. It’s cruel.
If I was Taylor I wouldn’t attend your wedding either.
You need to apologize and take responsibility for being a jerk if you have any chance of maintaining this friendship. Though I don’t know why Taylor would want to.” mr_waterloo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…
You could have just left it at ‘We would love you to be there with your partner but ask that you please respect the dress code for our special event’ but instead you insulted your friend, told him he’s a laughing stock and implied that ‘everyone laughs at you, you’re a joke’.
You were a real jerk to someone you say you love and who is such a good friend.
I’m surprised he told you that it’s OK because I bet it’s NOT OK. and you should expect Taylor to distance himself from you and likely cut you out of their lives because now you’ve shown him what you really think.” TheDreadPirateJeff
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
First of all, you show how intolerant you are of him expressing himself and him being comfortable in the clothes he wears. Then you go and use a gendered term, ‘man up’ to a gay man who likes wearing dresses – so he needs to be a man and wear a tuxedo or he’s not invited to your wedding.
And you tell him to grow up, so you’re saying that his gender expression is childish. And then you told him that he was a joke. You then say you love him. You don’t love him. You’d only love the version of him that was a straight guy in a suit.
That’s not who he is, and you can’t accept him the way he is.
I’m not sure why this guy is even still speaking to you, because you’re not the type of person I would want as a friend.” AdrenalineAnxiety
1. AITJ For Disciplining My Daughter For Eating Her Brother's Food?
“My daughter is 16 and my son is 15. So, basically, I try to keep grocery expenses down, which is hard with a family of five (my dad also lives with us).
The best way I have found to do this is that I don’t buy food. I buy ingredients. Premade food is just too expensive, but buying the ingredients and making it myself is much cheaper.
My wife and I make dinner every day and breakfast every weekday, but the kids make their own lunches and snacks out of the groceries we buy.
My daughter doesn’t like to cook, so she often buys lunch and snacks with the money she makes at work, which is great. My son loves to cook, and he usually cooks lunch for himself and my dad, which is also great.
Yesterday, the kids got into a fight about some potato chips.
My son made some homemade chips. My daughter loves potato chips. So she took the Ziploc bag he’d put them in out of the cabinet and ate them when he was in his room. When he saw them gone they got into a fight.
Son’s argument was that he made the chips, so they were his.
My daughter’s argument was that they were made with potatoes that were bought for the entire household, therefore they were still communal food. I agreed with my son, once you cook something for yourself, it becomes yours, not the household’s. I made her give her brother $5 and told her not to eat her brother’s food without asking.
My daughter said I’m cruel for ‘punishing her for eating’ and that I’m teaching my son to be greedy and stingy. She said snack foods are expensive, and my son should learn to share, especially since he didn’t pay for the ingredients. Did I really wrong her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your son made them for himself, though it does seem like your system is turning your FAMILY into a roommate situation. Money may be extremely tight but it sounds like you’re nickel & dimming your kids to the point that they feel they must hoard what little food they prepare.
Yes, your son made the chips but it’s kind of sad that either for lack of potatoes or the fact he wasn’t taught to share – that he only made enough for himself.
If somebody wanted cookies – would they bake them and say ‘MINE!!!’ or would it be a shared treat for the family?
Just seems like extending one’s POV to other family members would be a good thing to teach the kids. It’s great your son loves to cook, maybe your daughter hates cooking but wouldn’t mind doing the cleanup for your son when he makes special things like this, or maybe there are other chores she can do to offset this – or MAYBE let your son know that it’s ok to use more than 1 potato and to make a big batch of chips for everybody because that’s a nice thing to do.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“Mild conditional YTJ. Can you really not splurge on any pre-prepared food? I think I would have resented my parents pretty hard if there were literally no non-cookable snacks. Especially chips.
If you guys are really that pinched for cash I can understand but you really should be more thoughtful of your kids.
Food is not just fuel, it’s also an important part of wellbeing to enjoy what you eat.
You’ve already taught the kids to cook and eat well. Don’t punish them with it if you don’t absolutely have to.” agprincess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. By her logic, anything her brother makes would be fair game because it seems he’s cooking with household ingredients and not buying his own.
$5 also seems reasonable since she works and sometimes chooses to pay for her lunch.
Telling her she has to ask first is not teaching your son to be greedy and stingy. It would indeed be nice if your son shared his snacks, but does your daughter then use her work money to buy snacks for herself that she shares with him?
Reciprocity is important and it sounds like she’s just pushing back because she wanted to get away with it.” reggiesnap
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but not for the punishment. You basically had her buy him a bag of chips to replace what she took, although actually making her buy him a bag of his choice at the store probably would have felt fairer.
The bigger problem here is the way you’re shaping her relationship with food. I believe everyone should learn basic cooking, but I don’t think it’s reasonable for high school-aged kids to have to cook multiple times a week. As her parent, you’re responsible to make sure she has reasonable access to food and it doesn’t sound like you are if one kid is trying his own potato chips and they other is crying about having to spend her paychecks on her own groceries.
The way you said it’s great that she works to buy her own food says a lot about what the real attitude in the house is. You need to provide for your children and buy the supplies she needs for lunches because I have a feeling you’re not going to pay for school lunches.” Rando_R_Random_IV
