People Want Our Unbiased Opinion About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For "Throwing A Tantrum" Over Having Another Sibling?
“I’m 18f, I’m the middle child of 9. 7 out of the 9 of us have severe physical and mental disabilities, and I firmly believe my parents kept popping out more in order to have a healthy child they can force to help out. Those two healthy children are me and my twin brother, Jake.
9 kids, 7 of whom are severely disabled, and the other two being financially dependent on me is a lot. My parents are super broke, and Jake and I have been footing the bill a lot. The main current example I have of this is that and Jake and I were meant to be going on a week-long trip with friends that we had both saved up for but siblings needed something and we had to give our savings up.
We were going to move out recently but the funds we saved toward a deposit were also needed, and never paid back.
Jake and I can’t do any activities or go out very often with a global situation like this so these were two things that were important to us that were robbed.
The 9 of us range from 25 down to 3, and I was really thinking my parents were done popping kids out because my mom is 43, but no. Clearly not.
They dropped the bomb on me on Saturday, and I immediately lost my mind. I started saying things like they can’t afford another baby, or more therapies, they can’t even properly take care of the 7 that need it without relying on me and Jake and other family members.
Eventually, I told my mom just to make ‘the hard decision.’ Kinda regret saying it, kinda don’t
My mom started to cry, my dad started to shout back at me. I simply said, screw this, I’m leaving, and left on Saturday night. I’m staying at a friend’s house, and my parents have been calling and texting – can’t be stressing mom out while she’s pregnant nonsense.
Jake did text tho, said I was being a bit of a jerk over this, and what I said to mom was uncalled for. He also thinks I’m the jerk for running out when he can’t do everything on his own. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Does it sound like you raised your voice and maybe you were a bit less tactful/polite than they would have liked?
Yes. But you don’t owe someone politeness when speaking honestly about how much they have harmed, and continue to harm you.
And none of what you actually said should be written off as you ‘throwing a tantrum’. You were right; 7 children with severe disabilities require incredibly significant emotional and financial resources that it doesn’t sound like your parents have.
Continuing to have children, knowing they cannot adequately care for the 9 children they already have, is beyond irresponsible – it is downright dangerous.
And the fact that you feel like you and your twin were conceived in an effort to hopefully have more ‘helping hands’ around the house doesn’t sound far-fetched at all.
It’s reasonable for you to have a very emotional, panicked reaction to the news when you’re aware that when they are inevitably unable to provide adequate care to their 10th child, they will shift the burden to you and your brother.” El_Ren
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re old enough to have your own life. Even before you were old enough to move out, you still should not have had that level of responsibility. Jake should follow your lead and move out too. Sadly, some people only learn the hard way. Your parents will not get their lives together till they don’t have the two of you to lean on anymore.
Do you really want to be paying off their responsibilities for the rest of your life? Their failure to provide is going to kill your ability to graduate college, save for retirement, have your own family, and have a life beyond working and stressing. Do not be that person.
Get out and don’t ever regret it. You need to take care of yourself, they clearly won’t.” RosyClearwater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you have to stand firm. Do not give them any more money. If you can stay away, I believe that is the best option.
If you have to stay there it would not be totally unreasonable to pay some sort of fee for rent/utilities/food but do not just give and arbitrarily give your parents money. Protect your assets. Do not babysit or otherwise contribute without proper compensation.
I could go off for a while about why I think your parents are wrong but the fact is nobody can force them to stop having kids.
The situation for you and your siblings is awful. The best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself and take care of yourself. If you desire to help your siblings, work to get yourself into a position where you can do that on your own terms. Just know the only one you’re obligated to care for is yourself.” DankyMcJangles
20. WIBTJ If I Don't Reach Out To My Mentee After He's Been Absent For Two Meetings?
“I am in my late 30s, and I am serving as a mentor for a dude in my same field in his early 20s. He approached my company about a year ago to see if he could intern, but we didn’t have an opening. I knew one of his family members (keeping it vague here for privacy), so I told him that while we can’t hire him as an intern, I can provide mentoring for him.
Mentoring is completely free, this is just my way of paying it forward because I made it to where I am because I had some good mentors for the past 15+ years.
We meet once a month. No scheduled days, but we do schedule these calls a month in advance.
A few months ago he once skipped a meeting without telling me beforehand. I waited for the Teams meeting for 5 minutes before emailing him saying, ‘Hey, sorry to miss you. Let’s reschedule for next week’. He attended that rescheduled meeting, so I just let it go.
About a month ago, we had another scheduled call.
He skips without telling me. I wait my usual 5 minutes, then emailed him to say, ‘Hey, sorry to miss you, let’s reschedule for next week’. He accepts the calendar invite, so I figure that was that. The time for the rescheduled meeting comes and goes, I wait for 5 minutes, and nothing.
At this point, I’m mildly annoyed, but I figure I’ve given him free mentoring over the past year, and I don’t owe him anything. It’s super disrespectful to me to just skip on these meetings without a word, so it’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t tried to reschedule, and have gone full no contact.
He hasn’t reached out to me either, if he reaches out then I’ll probably answer.
On the flip side, and why I’m having doubts if I’m the jerk:
He’s in his early 20’s. Maybe he doesn’t fully understand email and meeting etiquette. He’s working for a really small company and reports directly to the owner.
If that’s the case, is it my job to educate him?
Maybe he’s not feeling well or doing ok, maybe I should check on him? Or have his family member that I know check on him?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t think you would be the jerk to leave the ball in his court.
Unless you have reason to believe he is unwell beyond just missing your meetings, I think reaching out to his family would be an overreaction.
These meetings are for his benefit. If he is not willing to put in the effort, that is on him. I don’t think he is hesitant to reach out because of the implied power imbalance.
If that was the case, he would be more concerned about missing meetings. He may be done with the mentoring and unsure of how to tell you, though he should realize that ghosting you are more disrespectful than thanking you for your time and telling you he needs to focus on other things right now.
I would just let this go. Not every mentor/mentee relationship is going to work out. If he does reach out again, you can make clear that if you are going to restart the meetings your expectations are that if he needs to reschedule he lets you know before missing the meeting and that he takes the initiative on rescheduling.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – he’s obviously a jerk for skipping with no notice but this seems like a situation where as a mentor you could explain how rude that is and how it could affect him if he does it with others. Kinda wondering why you didn’t do this the first time you rescheduled. If he does it again – I would send him a message saying that you were going to stop scheduling meetings – and then really do that unless you get a sincere apology for wasting your time with clear evidence that he is going to change.” Snoo90169
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What if he skipped out on a meeting with a client etc. without calling to say he can’t make it and offered no explanation, no call to reschedule and the company lost a person’s business because of it? Then how would you address that?
Both times it’s been you trying to get ahold of him and doing the rescheduling when it should have been him making amends and offering somewhat of an explanation. It’s rude, disrespectful, and unprofessional.” cattripper
19. AITJ For Not Letting My In-Laws Take My Baby On A Trip?
“Last night, after hubby came home from visiting my mother-in-law (MIL) and father-in-law (FIL), he told me that MIL wants to take our baby on a trip to visit her family.
Saying it might be the last time our baby sees her (MIL’s) dad. MIL plans to go either in June or July and will be gone for a week. MIL’s family lives 2 states away & her dad is in his 80s & blind & I don’t know anything about the rest of her family.
MIL & FIL both have health problems that may make it hard for them to care for my baby on their own for long periods of time. This makes me uncomfortable leaving my baby with them for more than a couple of hours without another adult there to help, usually that person being hubby.
Hubby told me that he told them that they have his ok but would need to ask me. He said he knew I would say no but would try & convince me to. When he got home he started on how it’ll probably be the last time my baby sees his granddad and that I need to trust MIL & FIL.
That we already let my baby spend most of a day over at my MIL’s (their next door) and my baby will be good for my MIL. Hubby also said that my MIL already expects me to say no cause she thinks I don’t trust her.
I gave hubby a choice where I’d let my baby go but only if he or another able-bodied adult goes with them.
Since this will be the longest my baby will have been away from home, I’d feel more comfortable with someone going with them for help. Plus it’ll probably be the last time hubby would see his grandpa too and since he’s not working we won’t lose income if he goes on the trip.
Of course, hubby doesn’t want to go and wants me to change my mind.
So AITJ?
Edit: Hubby & I talked about it again yesterday. He seems to understand where I’m coming from but said MIL wants to show us that she can be trusted with my baby for long amounts of time.
Saying that she raised him so my baby will be ok. And the reason he doesn’t want to go is cause he blames granddad for his aunt’s passing.
Final edit: We came up with a solution. MIL brought up that the whole family, including a few other family members, could take a weekend trip together.
Instead of my baby only going with them for a full week that we should all take a 3-day trip to go visit. I have a feeling hubby told her my stand but I’ll take this option over the other.”
Another User Comments:
“You gave a compromise, husband said no. Sounds like neither your husband nor MIL is doing anything productive to establish better communication with you.
‘I knew you’d say no so I’m just going to go behind your back’ is a great way for your husband to start sleeping on the couch. I’d show him your post to see how even strangers don’t agree with him! Your kiddo is too young, you’re correct in your stance and it is very reasonable that you want someone younger and able-bodied to go.
NTJ” Crazyhowthatworks304
Another User Comments:
“You have the perfect answer already in your post. Tell them I would be delighted to have baby and hubby go with you guys, what a great opportunity for them all. That way if hubby refuses to go, then the blame is on him, not on you.
He has to be the one to say no. Make a big deal about how you know baby will love time with hubby and how it’s best for everyone. Your hubby threw you under the bus, he should have said I’ll have to talk to my spouse and get back to you.
This, while petty, pushes it right back on him. NTJ.” Worldly_Price_3217
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. God, it’s exhausting taking little ones on a trip for a week… I remember taking mine to visit my mom out of state and it was super tiring… and I had help.
Little ones get extra needy when their routine is disrupted, and if your MIL and FIL have health issues, it’s going to be a nightmare for them. They are definitely looking at this with rose-tinted glasses. I understand they want to do something nice, but you’re right. Either your hubby ponies up and goes with to help, or the baby stays home.” toxiclight
My mother in law tried that with my 6 week old and I said no. When she argued, I laughed in her face. That set the boundaries needed for the duration. Nobody wears me down when it comes to the safety of my children.
18. AITJ For Not Having A Priest At Our Wedding?
“My parents divorced when I was turned 10 and only my father remarried. I (29F) lived with my father and stepmother.
I saw my mother and her partner over the weekends. My stepmother is very religious and was a teacher at the local Christian school. I came out as a lesbian after graduating high school and my stepmother kicked me out. My father agreed with her decision and I blocked him on everything.
I graduated college with my bachelor’s and got engaged to my wonderful fiance (29F). I did send an invitation to my father and didn’t hear anything back. The wedding was very small, probably about 100 guests. My wife’s father has cancer and wanted to officiant the wedding. He did an excellent job and everything was going great.
My father and stepmother did come to the wedding and it was going okay. My stepmother pulled me aside and asked why there wasn’t a priest. I looked at her and said because my wife wanted her father to do it. She shakes her head and says, ‘Well, every wedding has to be officiated by a priest. I guess YOU people do it differently.’ I smiled and walked away to dance with my wife.
My father and I had a talk afterward about how to hurt my stepmother was that we didn’t have a priest as it was tradition. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – contrary to what your stepmom might think people who aren’t Christian can get married and don’t need a priest to do it!
It sounds like your FIL was a wonderful officiant, and I don’t know how serious his cancer is, but the fact that your wife will always have the memory of her father being the one to oversee her starting a new family is lovely and far more meaningful than a priest, in my opinion.
Also, your dad and stepmom have some nerve considering how they weaponized their religion when you came out.” Caladrius-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nope. Not one bit.
You owe NOTHING to your father or stepmother. They were absolutely horrible to you at a time when you should’ve had them in your support group.
I’m a lesbian, and I understand the pain of losing people just for that sole fact, but that’s their loss. Your dad and sm definitely do not get to dictate who officiates your wedding either. It was absolutely lovely to let your FIL officiate, I’m sure that made him incredibly happy.
Congratulations on your wedding, may you have a great married life.” Crazyhowthatworks304
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your stepmother has a lot of nerve. She kicks you out and has the audacity to complain about how you chose to have your wedding. Your father too. Why on earth should you care about ‘hurting’ her after what they both did?
You don’t owe either of these jerks anything. I how you enjoyed your wedding!” Muted-Appeal-823
17. AITJ For Not Buying Mom Expensive Presents?
“I (31F) don’t have a good relationship with mom (who’s retired now) but she supports me… somewhat. I’ve helped with the bills and house chores as I currently live with her and dad.
Every occasion/holiday, she expects me to buy her an expensive present for her birthday, Mother’s day, Wedding Anniversary, etc. But one time, I thought it’d be nice to make something for her birthday. Her reaction was disappointment when I gave it to her. In the end, I gave her either a gift card or a purse she’ll point to me what she wants me to give for the occasion.
What irritates me to this point is she makes a huge fuss to me that I can’t ‘read her mind’ and expect me to know what to get her for any occasion instead of asking her what kind of gift would she like. Quick backstory: she’s the type that if she doesn’t like it, she would ask to return or exchange for something else on the spot.
Another thing… the gifts she expects me to buy are a little out of the budget of what I spend on myself.
Mother’s Day is around the corner… and I was upfront with her, saying I won’t buy a present for the occasion and instead I’ll treat the whole family out to dinner.
She’s mad and called me disrespectful for not appreciating her on a special day. Honestly, I do respect her as a hardworking person and I never lash out at her since the last argument years back. Does this make me a jerk for not getting her an expensive gift?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mom seems very particular and that receiving gifts is her number one love language.
You should sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her. Tell her about your financial worries and how it’s hindering you when you’re trying to save funds.
You could also mention that it’s hurting your feelings when something isn’t good enough for her and that you feel like you’re disappointing her. Tell her you you feel a gap being created in your relationship over this.
Stand your ground and don’t buy her an expensive gift. It’ll show her that you’ll cave and she’ll end up getting what she wants.” soggy-oat
Another User Comments:
“A MASSIVE NTJ – the value in presents comes with the thought and sentiment behind them. She sounds very materialistic and does not value the right things. I would spend time and thought getting her a gift but not an expensive one, if she hates that, then it’s nothing from me.
Offering to pay for a family meal when children are grown up and doing their own thing is lovely. It provides her with the opportunity to spend time with all her family – far more valuable than physical presents.” Chunky_mummy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you gift whatever you want, as long as the thought went into.
It’s not physical funds that matter. But not all occasions require a gift, or an a card. I guess it depends on what occasions you’re referring to. Birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Christmas (or similar) are gift holidays. Valentine’s Day, nothing is required but some people do cards/gifts.” Big_Bowler8424
16. AITJ For Refusing My Grandparent's Gifts To My Kids?
“My grandparents indulge my young 6-year-old cousin. At everyone else’s birthday celebrations, they give her a little wrapped gift as the birthday person opens gifts so so she ‘won’t feel left out’.
I think this is ridiculous and it’s a life lesson that sometimes we celebrate others when it’s their day, and we all have a turn on our birthday when it’s our day.
At the last family birthday, my grandmother tried giving my kids (ages 3 and 1) a little wrapped gift to each of them so they didn’t feel left out.
I tried to quietly and discretely decline the gifts so as to not cause a scene but my grandmother was getting insistent. I snagged the gifts and put them back in my grandmother’s purse, saying thank you but no thank you and we’ll be teaching the kids that they don’t get gifts at every birthday party.
My aunt and uncle (cousin’s parents) were offended and a few other relatives said I should have just let my grandmother give my kids the gifts since they were inexpensive. AITJ for refusing the gifts?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m not crazy about Grandma doing this as the birthday person is opening their gifts – and I’d sorta want to know what age is Grandma’s cut off, but this is definitely something I grew up with.
(But that’s cuz I was brought up with giving little presents to siblings early on. The party wasn’t about them – it was about the birthday child. So if they were getting something – they got it early.)
The younger sibling (or close in age) of the birthday child getting a small present is reasonable to me.
Typically for kids under 6/7 – when they are young enough that they don’t quite get why their sibling is getting presents and they aren’t.
That doesn’t mean that this is what every parent wants or is okay with – so it’s important to share with your friends and family that you want your kids to learn from day 1 that they aren’t always going to get something when their sibling(s) get something.” rak1882
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re the parent, you get to choose how to teach them how life works. It’s not about the gifts and what they are. You’re totally reasonable that not starting this weird habit will prevent issues down the line. I’m sure you can deal with a toddler tantrum if 3y/o doesn’t understand why they don’t get a gift, but that 6 y/o is gonna have issueeessss when they’re cut off.” katmindae
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If this was anyone else besides their great-grandmother, then fine. But come on. She is the only one doing this, the gifts are trinkets, and I assume she must have one foot in the grave. This isn’t exactly a recipe for creating entitled kids.
Show a little grace.
Your kids are very young and still rely on the tangible to understand the world and create relationships. This is probably one of the only ways your grandparents are able to feel like they are a part of your kids’ lives, that they will be loved and remembered after they pass.
I still remember fondly the cheap bottles of bubble bath my great-grandmother bought us for Xmas and the peppermints my absolutely ancient great-grandfather snuck me when I was like 3. Don’t deprive your kids of being able to feel like they are special to Great Meemaw.” WholeCollection6454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s an important lesson. The devil’s in the details – how are you handling it? Seems that you did attempt the discreet route and polite. You’re the parent and it’s on you to decide certain things for your children. Starting early to establish behavior and social expectations is important.
You may look like the bad guy but you’re responsible for guiding your children and setting them up for later-in-life success. The others may not understand but you do.” nikkesen
I dealt with that crap growing up. My spoiled little sister always got stuff on my birthday but it never happened fir me on hers.
I taught my kids early that it was a special day for the birthday person and it would be their turn on their birthday.
They had no problem with it.
15. AITJ For Saying My Mom Is Wrong?
“So last night, I was talking to my mom and her partner about the bills. We moved into a house about a month ago but she is finally getting the bills since everything is transferred over to this house. Now we agreed that my brother and I would pay for the cable bill and that’s it.
Suddenly, it changed to both the electric and the cable. I said to her I thought it was only the cable we had to pay for. She said no we agreed on the electricity and cable. I said since when? I didn’t know about this and I told her she was wrong for just throwing that onto me.
I don’t mind paying both but I would like to know in advance because I have other bills to worry about. Then she threw in my face how I’m always going to my best friend’s house and how that has to stop because it’s wearing down my tires then I have to get new tires (which I’m planning on getting).
Then tells me that I’m never home but I’m out of closing most nights (til 11) or I just park my car and sit in my car for a little.
I’m not always out, sometimes I just come straight home and go to sleep so by the time she gets home she doesn’t see me.
I don’t really go out because I’m always working, and if I leave early it’s because I don’t want to be in the house. During this disagreement, she asked my brother ‘am I right that she’s never really home?’ And he of course agrees with her. Then she says I have to relax with my car because I’m always using it.
I look at her in disbelief because 1) it’s my car, and I pay for it. and 2) if I have my own car why would I need someone else’s car to run errands when I have my own? I told her that it’s wrong for her to throw that in my face because she knows I’m working most days and that it’s a lot easier for my brother because he doesn’t have to worry about a car note, car insurance and etc.
I’m also trying to figure out working getting another higher-paying job or doing something on the side. I am thinking of doing Doordash as a side hustle after I get new tires but after hearing that I’m never home, I don’t wanna put in that extra work sadly but I have to if I want to move out and stuff.
AITJ for saying she was wrong?
The reason why I feel like I could be the jerk is that I’m slightly being stubborn about paying both bills. Which I feel like I’m not. It’s just let’s have a conversation about this and not let me find out before the second bill is due.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – sounds like your mom didn’t realize how much the bills would be at the new place & now her budget is busted.
If you are never home, then you are not using the electricity. Offer to pay part of it but not the entirety, or even half.
Sounds like she may be worried that if you have car expenses, then you won’t be able to afford these bills too. She’s more concerned with you paying these bills over other expenses.
I’m not saying what she did was right but if she’s stressing over finances, she may not be handling it well.
It would probably be a good idea for y’all to have a sit-down talk about how she’s going to cover bills when you are ready to move out. This lets her know your intentions, and also gives her a chance to talk it out to problem solve.
It’s not fair that she expects you to stay with her bc she can’t afford to live independently but she needs to be realistic about her situation. Start looking at her options for resources with assistance.
Keep the conversation calm and remember it’s not what you say but how you say it.
She may get defensive but reassure her.
Best wishes.” beleif
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are paying rent.
I’d recommend caution with doing DoorDash or similar work. It creates a lot of burden and liability that many people don’t factor into the work vs pay. Obviously, you take on car maintenance.
Also, tax liability as being an ‘independent contractor’. There’s a potential financial liability for theft and/or bad orders, and insurance considerations (I do not know if DoorDash insures your vehicle, but even if they do, that is insuring them). There’s also legal liability for booze (or other contraband) – either as delivering it to a minor, or open container/possession laws.” redroguetech
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She wants you to be responsible for a bill whose service she herself admits you don’t use very often? What if the bill is astronomical for one month because of THEIR use?
If you feel like you want to negotiate instead of outright refusing, tell her you are only willing to pay $XX (however much is realistic for you) per month for electricity and anything else is her responsibility, and get it in writing with her signature.
Your car is none of her business and I wouldn’t let anything she has to say on that matter influence your decisions. It also seems like she wants you to work less but just enough to cover the bills she needs you to, possibly in order to keep you living with her.
It sounds like you need to work toward moving out. Maybe look for someone to rent with or a small apartment for yourself? I lived in a basement apartment for a time; the rent was cheap because the landlady (sweet little old school teacher) had to come into my apartment to use the washer and dryer.
Sometimes it takes a lot of looking to find situations like that but my advice is to start looking now and squirreling away any extra money you can.” EatTheGhostPepper
14. AITJ For Not Responding To My Manager When I'm On A Day Off?
“I heavily believe in work-life balance and made that clear before I even got the job and they were just interviewing me. This job also made it clear they supposedly understand and will respect that.
I also don’t do anything ‘important’ for work that would require my constant availability to be reached, like healthcare, firefighting, or law enforcement. I work in the wellness industry at a relaxation/medical spa.
On days I’m not scheduled to work, I mute all work-related group chats and mute text threads with my four managers, however, there’s no need to mute them all because consistently since starting this job only 1 ever has contacted me on my days off.
They’re never particularly important emergencies, but they’ll contact me to set up meeting/date times, sales and performance goals, reviews, updates from corporate, etc. All things that we could discuss at work, in my opinion, if they were truly a problem (which, they aren’t! I never hear anything from other managers or coworkers about it and this person just happens to be a bit of a micro-manager who wants things specifically done their way) especially since we work together 3 days out of the week with our offices right next to each other.
Let me also add, that this specific manager is the kind of person who makes their job their whole life. They’re at work almost 6-7 days a week including their off days, they’re constantly looking for work, and constantly sometimes talking to themselves in our work group chat.
This manager also does not care what time of day they decide to contact a person on their day off, whether it be before 10 am or after 6 pm.
So… with all that being said… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you’re on the clock, they are a manager.
If you’re not being paid to deal with the nonsense, don’t. Time, even a few seconds to answer a text, is something you can’t get back. If that manager persists in trying to engage in working conversations off the clock send an email CC’d with all other managers that when you’re not at work, all working problems need to be put on hold until you are.” Fun_Armadillo408
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, also even if you were in fire fighting (I am) or one of those other related fields, you still have shifts and don’t have to concern yourself with what is going on during your off days. There are a few extreme situations where they can call you back in without an option but those are incredibly rare and you’ll generally know it’s a possibility ahead of time.” stmlb4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I assume you are paid by the hour? If so, you are not being paid to answer messages, take calls and reply to emails when you are not on the clock.
You basically have three ways to deal with it –
Ignore the messages.
If questioned while at work, say, ‘Sorry, I don’t check my work messages when I’m off’.
Have a direct conversation with that manager while at work. Tell them that you won’t be responding to messages while not at work.
Talk to HR or another manager about how you feel in the hope that they will fix it for you.” ScousePete
13. AITJ For Dumping A Guy Because Of Medical Reasons?
“I (32F) have been dealing with health issues for about a year now. Most of which is a huge hindrance to my daily life. Anemia is the main problem, but also a large fibroid the hospital found last year.
It explained the pain I felt every once in a while regardless of being that time of the month or not.
About a year ago, I left the best relationship of my life until he showed his true colors and made it clear his selfish wants mattered more to him than my personal needs.
I mentally checked out before we broke up, so I wasn’t heartbroken about it nor did I cry about it. We never slept together since he never told me he was ready. Being aromantic, I never cared for bedroom activities but loved him more than enough to want to, especially since we planned on marrying down the line.
Now then, there’s an employee from another company that sets up a stand at my job to promote business relating to the store I work in. Let’s call him ‘Felix’ in his mid or late 30s, and a few months ago asked me out to dinner. I figured why not?
Shake things up a bit. The date went okay, but I felt no connection with Felix, and we had almost nothing in common. I’m a huge nerd for anime, comics, and love to read. He’s into none of those things. More so, he wasn’t a good listener, often complimenting my appearance and smiling when I was done talking as if to end the subject.
He later texts me that he wanted to kiss me that night but could tell I wasn’t having it. I reminded him of the long-term relationship I just got out of, and how kissing on the first date (and no, not a peck on the cheek but a real kiss) is a no-no for me.
That coupled with some other things about him, he wanted to move too fast.
Then on, he almost never texted me and I forgot about him until last week he came by my job and asked me out to lunch. I told him no as I hadn’t been feeling well lately, which was true.
He texted asking if I went out with anyone else since our date. I was honest and said no, and how I don’t think I should be seeing people right now due to my health issues. I’m over the mess of my breakup and just want to get myself healthy again.
But also, I noticed he only contacted me when he wanted to go out, not to chat or just say hi.
I could tell I hurt his feelings, so I feel bad about that, but I don’t want a relationship where a guy makes me an option, not a priority.
Even so, bedroom activities are expected in relationships, which is not something I want to do. Mainly because I just don’t care for it, but also because my fibroid will make the act unpleasant for me. Imagine having an awful stomach cramp that you only feel when you’re doing it with someone.
Yeah, no thank you.
I told him how we had little in common, but he doesn’t seem to care. That makes me suspect he’s after one thing… I spared him the gory details, but maybe I should have worded it better.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one is entitled to date you.
Yeah, he feels bad right now, but that’s the risk he took when he put himself out there. It’s not like you set out to hurt him. You’re fine. (Honestly, I think you dodged a bullet.)
You can find a relationship where bedroom activities are not expected. It is harder, and you’ll probably have to find a fellow ace, but it’s not impossible.
Just clearly communicate that upfront.” Impossible-Pause3788
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – You are not obligated to date someone or to give them a reason why you are not interested. But I also don’t think he was out of line at any point during the interactions you describe.
Not everyone needs to have a lot of hobbies in common to feel a connection with someone or to want to get to know them better.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t a good connection, and it’s totally okay to say that. You don’t have to say it’s your health issue if the main reason was that you felt that you guys didn’t click.
He’s a big boy, he’ll move on.
Also, I want to say, sleeping together is not necessarily an expectation in any relationship. Some people are aromantic like you, some are disinterested, some are too busy, some have other medical problems they’re working on like you, and some want to wait until marriage.
The important thing is to be open and honest about your wants and needs.” artichoke313
12. AITJ For Refusing To Be Part Of My Mom's Wedding?
“This morning, I received messages from four different people. I have my mom blocked on everything (again back story is coming, so buckle in).
All of them were telling me my mom was trying to reach out and invite me to her wedding that’s coming up in September and be her Maid of Honor.
My mom found a guy, we’ll call him Jason, and they had been on and off for the three years since she got divorced from my stepdad.
Jacob has made comments about calling girls cute who are close to my age. Creep vibes. Two Christmas’ ago, he pointed out the tree and that he and my mom decorated it. Then he took out, I kid you not, my mom’s actual ‘toy’ they hung on the tree.
I was APPALLED.
Later, I confronted my mom about it and said I was uncomfortable. Jason sent me a text off my mom’s phone saying I was a prude, I didn’t know how to have fun, and I was a witch if I didn’t apologize to him and my mom, etc. He went on to say he was going to record all conversations I had with my mom and that he had to be present from now on to monitor our conversations.
I told my mom I didn’t think I was in the wrong, which maybe I was, but I’m not going to apologize for feeling uncomfortable. I told her I needed some space.
I had to contact her to get her social security number a few months later because I was worried my identity was stolen.
I called and asked her for her social security and Jacob was in the background telling my mom I was going to steal her identity. She called me back after a while and accused me of stealing her identity and trying to mess her over for getting approved for a house loan that she and Jacob were trying to get.
I told her that was absurd. I was just trying to verify her SS benefits were causing notifications to come in the mail about my SS. She refused to listen and Jacob kept saying in the background that I was crooked and a witch. I blocked her at that point.
Now to the present, she’s tried to reach out a few times, but she still stands strong that she and Jacob did nothing wrong. I have told her I don’t want any contact from her until Jacob is out of the picture, which might have been wrong of me.
Now they live together and are getting married. So, am I wrong for not giving my mom a chance?
All my family will be there, and I’m sure it’ll look bad if I don’t go, but I think it is rude for me to show up to a wedding I don’t agree with.
I know I should support her happiness and be there for her, but I just can’t get past it. My family on her side told me to talk to my mom and mend our relationship. They are all saying I’m being too harsh on her, and she’s had a rough go-around.
They think I’m in the wrong for not supporting her more. They also think I’m being too judgmental of Jacob. I am so unsure. Should I forgive her? I still don’t want to go to the wedding. I can’t stand Jacob, and I wouldn’t be okay watching them get married. Am I the jerk for refusing to go to her wedding and be her Maid of Honor?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Please do not go to that wedding. All the people telling you to go, and that Jacob isn’t all that bad, don’t know what is actually going on. Her partner is incredibly toxic and making your mom as toxic as him – she isn’t listening to anything you try to tell her, and she won’t leave this loser until she figures it out for herself.
And if it looks bad that you aren’t there – oh well. It’s more important for you to take care of yourself, and going to that wedding, much less being a maid of honor will be very damaging to you emotionally. Please take care of yourself.” PeachCinnamonToast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jacob acted deliberately to sever your relationship with your mother. He will exponentially increase his horrible behavior if you agree to be the maid of honor.
I’m sorry you are going through this, but your mother married a jealous, manipulative jerk. There is nothing you can do about it.
She has to see it for herself.
Also: Sign up for a credit report. If they are having issues getting a loan, I can only imagine Jacob is drooling over the idea of taking out credit cards in your name.” Corpuscular_Ocelot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom made a choice and you were not it.
She supported her partner’s abusive attitude towards you. I would also be uncomfortable with my parent displaying inappropriate stuff with me on a Christmas tree – that is really odd. Do not go to this wedding or you are accepting this trashy behavior. Going no contact was the correct move and unfortunately for your mother, these are consequences of her actions and choices.” Electrical_Promise89
11. AITJ For Being An Overprotective Mom?
“I (23F) recently had my first baby. I had a tough pregnancy that ended with me going into premature labor at 34 weeks. Luckily, my little baby was not so little, weighing about 8 pounds, but despite their size, they had some issues with jaundice and regulating b***d sugar.
Luckily, their lungs were in good shape and didn’t need any oxygen support. However, the nurses and my OB made it very clear to us that, especially since my baby is a preemie, to abstain from letting them around smoke, candles, etc. Ever since, my family has been very pushy about seeing them.
I have let some of my family see them, but I was particular in that those family members didn’t smoke (and a few other things as well but mainly, they didn’t smoke).
Now, my husband finds the smell of smoke triggering. It reminds him of some extremely terrible childhood memories, and he just doesn’t like it (finds it nauseating).
I’ve never been a fan of it myself because of similar trauma.
My parents (in their 50s) have been getting at me about not letting our child go over to my grandma’s (80s F) place. It smells very heavily of smoke, and she’s a chain smoker. My husband is very much against letting our child go over there as am I, but my parents are saying that we should just do it because we never know when my grandma is going to be gone and that she isn’t a bad person.
That (baby’s name) will be fine because he isn’t around that kind of stuff 24/7 and to essentially ‘take one for the team.’ I’m being told that ‘(baby’s name) isn’t technically a preemie, because they’re so big!’ And that I’m being too much of an overprotective mom because of my postpartum depression.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! A preemie is a preemie regardless of size. I was forever told my baby wasn’t a preemie as he was born just before 37 weeks… I just tell people to argue with his medical records. I’ve always said ‘your baby, your rules’. If they can’t follow them then tough.
If your parents start again, you could possibly say well how about you pick up grandma and bring her over making sure she has a smoke-free top on (or brings a change of clothes with her)? That way they’re ensuring she gets to see the baby but it’s still under your terms. If they can’t do that then tough luck to them they can stop guilt-tripping you.” ConsciousNectarine9
Another User Comments:
“This is difficult for you because you’ve been brought up by your family and you’re used to their manipulation. Now you’re a mama and things are different and of course, you want to protect your baby at any cost.
So, you’ve made a boundary but they’re not accepting it and are even arguing with you about your reasons.
If they were friends and not family they would be blocked and deleted. Right?
This should be a time of peace and bonding for you, your baby, and your baby’s father. Instead, you find yourself in the middle of drama and upset. It’s not good for any of you.
Stop trying to reason with your family. You can’t reason with unreasonable people. Ask yourself and answer honestly. Do you want your baby to have a relationship with your family? If you do, then you arrange a meeting somewhere neutral and you stipulate no smoking. You make it clear that this is a deal breaker and non-negotiable.
Meet them and see how it goes.
If you don’t want your baby to have a relationship with these people, then block and delete their sorry butts and get on with building a beautiful non-toxic life for yourselves.
NTJ.” SassyPieHole173
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did you have gestational diabetes?
That tends to make babies bigger but their organs are not as well developed as their size or even gestational age. In short, you should definitely NOT take your baby and also not your husband inside your grandmother’s house, especially as the doctors made that clear.
If your grandmother really wants to meet baby, tell her to smoke her last one, go take a shower and change into just washed clothes that were stored/dried outside, and then leave her house immediately after she showers and dresses and you can meet her at a local park or at your parents or even in her front yard, wherever, and she can hold the baby.
You are the parents and your job is to protect your baby until s/he gets big and mature enough to make decisions for him/herself. Stay strong!” sbg-sbg
10. AITJ For Leaving A Guy Waiting?
“I was due to meet a guy for a third date and we had agreed to meet in a public square at 7:30 and walk together to the restaurant.
Just as I was leaving, I got a call from my mom who told me that my aunt (her sister) had died very suddenly at 44. I was totally shocked and devastated ofc but was trying also to console my mother who was distraught. Because I was living abroad at the time too, I was also trying to book a flight home for the weekend.
After half an hour on the phone with my mum and brother, I hung up saying I was due to meet a guy and needed to tell him that I couldn’t come and ask him to reschedule. At this point, it was 20 mins after we were due to meet and I could see he’d messaged saying he was there and asking where I was.
He then sent a message saying he was super mad and that I had wasted his time.
Feeling bad, I immediately rang him up but he hung up so I messaged him explaining what had happened and saying how bad I felt for leaving him waiting and apologizing for everything.
I thought that he would be understanding and that would be that.
But he messaged back almost immediately saying that, although he was sorry to hear about my aunt he was annoyed, thought I was selfish, and said he didn’t want to see me again as I should have left a message so he wasn’t standing there waiting.
Btw this was southern Spain in late April so it was about 22 degrees Celsius still so not cold or anything.
I was pretty taken aback by his response and explained that I felt his response lacked compassion as I was in shock when I’d first heard and our date wasn’t at the forefront of my mind but that I had cut short a phone call with my mother to let him know.
He then messaged me again saying that ‘one of the few things in life I hate is waiting’ and that it was ‘a matter of good education’ to be on time. He again said I was selfish and arrogant for leaving him waiting and that it showed my true character.
Again, I was astounded by his response so messaged back saying ‘one of the few things that I hate in life is members of my family being gone so I guess we both had to deal with things we hate today.’ I apologized for his inconvenience and said I thought his response showed me everything I needed to know about him and we left it at that.
Was it unreasonable or selfish of me to leave him waiting for 20 mins without explanation whilst I was on the phone? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You dodged a bullet. Any well-adjusted person would understand your situation and feel compassionate even if they had been upset minutes before… They might still be upset, but 20 minutes is not much at all (especially in Southern Europe where time is notoriously fake) to be late.” katmindae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One of the best early indicators of who you’re going out with is how they act when they’re inconvenienced. First date with a guy who was losing his temper because he wasn’t getting coffee refills fast enough at peak rush time in a busy restaurant… yeah.
No need for a second date with that one. As others are saying, OP, you’re better off without this self-centered jerk.” HeartpineFloors
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, my condolences.
Secondly, the major red flag he just showed. So you didn’t miss anything there. ‘A matter of good education’ has nothing to do with these kinds of situations, these kind of situations are when the rule doesn’t apply.
Don’t worry, you weren’t unreasonable or selfish. And I am wondering how long he has been living in southern Spain, because for them tranquile y familia es muy importante! (calm down and family is very important)” Majestic-Moon-1986
9. AITJ For Threatening My Mom About Her Replacing My Brother?
“So I (18 F) had a brother. He was the best thing in the world, but he died three years ago and everything changed. Dad left mom and moved back to Montreal, and mom changed a lot. She went from being the absolute best mom ever to either super strict or like super careless.
Ever since I turned 18, she got even weirder. She had her SO remove the door to my room, she’s come into my room at night and started massaging my arms and legs like she used to my brother (he had severe muscle issues) or will cuddle like we did after my brother passed away.
Oh, and she cranks up the heat so much all the time and says it’s cause she’s from Texas but even though she was born there, she grew up in Quebec. That’s just to let you guys know how much she changed. The only time she’s normal like how she was is during our therapy sessions.
That’s why I look forward to those.
But the worst part was that she and her SO decided to have a baby and they were using one of those websites to find a sperm donor. At the time, they started focusing on guys who I feel my brother would have looked like if he grew up.
And then, mom told me if they have a boy the name will be the Russian version of my brother’s name and if a girl, the female version. So, if his name was Michael, then Mikhail and Michaeala. So, I told my mom she couldn’t replace my brother and we got into a fight cause of it.
And then yesterday mom had a complete freakout. Apparently, there was some children’s book she used to read to my brother when he was small and she wanted to find it for when she has another baby. But she couldn’t find it. I offered to order a new copy off Amazon but she wanted my brother’s book.
She went nuts after she couldn’t find it and when she found an old picture of my dad, she literally took her SO’s lighter and burned it instead. I don’t know, I got scared so I begged mom not to replace my brother and said I wouldn’t come home from Montreal (I got into Concordia University) if she did.
She got even angrier and started crying and actually called me a jerk for trying to blackmail her. I’m really confused, she’s never said that before so maybe I was acting that way toward her.”
Another User Comments:
“This is just so, so sad. Obviously, your mother has not worked through her grief and gotten herself to a healthy place yet.
She should not be having another child until she does.
It’s one thing for her to want to have another baby. It’s another thing entirely for her to want that child to be a replacement for the one that is gone, which is obviously what she wants to do given what you said about the name.
That child will never, ever be able to live up to the image of your deceased brother.
I’m going to go with ‘no jerks here’. Obviously, you are not. And I think she is so deep in her grief that she doesn’t realize how unreasonable she is being.
Please push her to continue therapy and maybe join a group for grieving parents and encourage her to wait on having another child until she is certain it’s because she actually wants another one, and not because she wants to replace the one she lost.” SamiHami24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Next time you’re in family therapy, ask to speak first without being interrupted and try saying something like this: ‘Mom, I’m scared for you. I get why you’re terrified to let me have my privacy or leave for college, but this is my life and I need to keep moving forward.
It genuinely feels as though you’re trying to resurrect or replace Michael with your name and donor choices, and it seems like you’ll never let the baby be the person they actually are because you want Michael back so badly. I don’t believe doing this will help or heal you: It’ll make you stagnate in the grief that’s holding you hostage.
That’s why I can’t be part of any of it if you go through with it. Please try to understand. I love you and I want you to get better.’
It’s up to your mother after that. If she can’t or won’t help herself, then look after yourself first. It’s okay to do that.” Multi-Facets
Another User Comments:
“I would say your mother is deep in the throws of grief – she’s not able to make rational decisions. She couldn’t protect/save your brother so she’s being over the top with you by doing things like taking away your door and coming into your room at night.
Her choice to have another child could be not so much of a replacement but more of a can’t let go – I’d imagine losing a child would leave a person feeling like they lost a part of their heart and she could be thinking about having a baby might heal part of her heart.
She definitely needs professional help before having a baby. No jerks here.” beez8383
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but try and get her into counseling – she has serious mental issues from the loss of her child and WILL NOT get over it without professional help. Please understand that your Mom is ill and that her actions are a result of this.
You don’t have to play along and in fact, you shouldn’t but she needs to be pushed hard (VERY hard) into counseling and treatment.
I suspect your Dad is also suffering. There is so much unsaid in your post about your family dynamics but the one thing that comes across very clearly is that the family is broken and needs help.” Frittzy1960
8. AITJ For Getting A Cat?
“Before I moved out, I and my roommate had discussed that I was getting a kitten from my friend who had a litter.
She seemed excited for me, having just given a child up for adoption because of a serious abusive situation I got out of, I was hugely depressed and missed physical intimacy. My roommate just began going out with a guy who is allergic to cats.
Knowing this, I decided to take precautions (that I don’t believe I even had to take but did because I care) to make sure it wouldn’t affect him.
The cat is hypoallergenic (Siamese) and I have bought allergen sprays and air purifiers designed for pet allergens. I also told her I’d keep the cat in my room and only my room until her partner left this August to move to Colorado. She also has a cat and has left the cat at her parents’ house until he moves.
She told me this was all fine… until I got a cat.
Now she says she is not ok with it, and that I am taking away from her time with her partner that ‘she deserves.’ She says I’m creating a huge problem in her relationship and it’s unfair.
She is making me feel guilty for getting the cat and says her partner can now never sleep over even with all the precautions I’m taking. He doesn’t pay rent here, so in my mind, he doesn’t have a say in what I do. Especially when our townhouse allows pets.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because he’s not paying rent and he’s not a roommate. However, there’s no such thing as a hypoallergenic cat. Some cats produce fewer allergens than others, and there is food available that also reduces the allergens they produce. But it will never be zero (at least with current solutions available).
Regardless, you’ve done what you can to minimize exposure, which is very considerate of you. Sucks for him that he can’t come over, but their apartment together is only a few months away.” M**********y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her reasoning is so idiotic. If they’re having relationship issues, you can bet it goes deeper than her roommate’s cat.
He has no right to dictate what goes on in the apartment, and she only has shared rights. And that’s if she’s actually even on the lease. If having a pet is allowed by the lease then she can’t force you not to.
You were so kind and considerate with all the allergy accommodations when no one even asked you to.
If she brings it up again, just put your foot down and say ‘we agreed on this prior to getting the cat and it’s too late to undo it now. You both need to find a way to manage until the guy leaves.’
And then insist that she doesn’t bring up the topic again.
Edit: I see other people are pointing out that they can go sleep together at his house. I would like to jump on that bandwagon too.” i_am_jocko_willink
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you’re co-habiting with people everyone needs to say yes to getting a pet before you get one.
You asked. She said yes. The guy does not live there, so he does not get a vote. As far as I’m concerned that’s it.
It would be different if your roommate noticed that she was allergic to your new cat after you brought it home, and your precautions did not eliminate her reaction.
In that case, it would be a jerk move to keep it, in my opinion.” NotLostForWords
7. AITJ For Using My Friend's Surname When Making Reservations?
“My best friend and I love to go out to restaurants, bars, etc. and we usually make a reservation beforehand. My best friend‘s last name is very, very simple. It‘s in the top 15 most common surnames in the country we live in. My surname on the other hand is very complicated. I have never heard the name anywhere else and people haven‘t either so they always misspell it or ask me to pronounce it 5 times.
If I’m making the reservation, I always use her surname, just because it‘s easier that way. But every time I do it, she gets really mad and says, ‘it‘s not your name, so you have no right to use it’. AITJ here?
Update: The first time I did it, she just said that she thinks it was a little weird that I used her name, but I didn‘t think it bothered her so I used it again.
The next time she told me that she feels uncomfortable and I should stop doing it. After that, I never used her name again. I actually just made a dinner reservation for today and used my own name haha I was just wondering if other people would get upset about something like that as well.
(For clarification – I only use her surname if she is joining me and not every time I make a reservation, even if it‘s without her.)”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – if she feels uncomfortable about it, she feels uncomfortable. In my family we use various names interchangeably so to me, it doesn’t seem odd you’d assume it’s OK.
And you stopped once you realized she wasn’t OK with it.
(but yeah, I’d just invent a name or use your first name. I have a first name that is just uncommon enough that I can use it like that).” quenishi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can start making the reservations if she doesn’t like the way you do it.
I have an unusual last name but my sister married into something akin to Miller, and when we go out to dinner, I put her last name. It’s not that deep. Don’t let her know about all of the other people in your country that share her surname, she might get annoyed that they are all making reservations in her name, too.” Repulsive-Exercise-4
Another User Comments:
“Just use a shorter version of your name or make one up. Use the same one every time so you don’t forget what name you used. The restaurant doesn’t care. Just like Starbucks. They just need a way to identify you and tell you apart from everyone else with reservations.
(I do the same with requests for a date of birth from some company that has no reason to need it but wants to know I’m over 18 or send me birthday coupons. Restaurant apps for example. I use a different date I remember but unconnected to anything official.)
It’s a little weird your friend minds so much. But most people are a little weird. Respect her preference and move on.
No jerks here.” Desert_Sea_4998
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You don’t have to give a real name when you’re making reservations. And if your friend’s surname is one of the most common ones in your country, then you’re not using her surname necessarily.
You’re using one of those other people’s surnames with that same surname.” toofat2serve
6. AITJ For Selling A Used Car That Immediately Broke Down?
“I just sold a used car with 160k miles on it.
I met this guy and let him inspect the car. We even took the car for a test drive (where he was honestly pretty brutal with the car, slamming on the gas and whatnot) which I understood since I’m sure he was trying to see how the car performed. The thing is he did not speak English, and I do not speak Spanish.
So we communicated through Google translate. He paid me a few grand (less than 5k) and I signed the back of the title, I assumed he was going to sign it at home. I also signed a bill of sale stating the car is sold ‘as is’ and had him sign it too.
I received a text early the next morning saying something along the lines of ‘what’s wrong with the car, you didn’t tell me I had to leave it thrown away because the tunnel caused a problem with the transmission’ now obviously that’s a little confusing cause I’m sure it’s translated from Spanish to English.
But I got the gist, the car seems to have broken down in a tunnel.
Now here’s the thing, I obviously feel awful for the guy as that really sucks. I also understand that he probably couldn’t read the ‘bill of sale’ where it says the car is sold ‘as is’ but I also can’t really afford to give him his back and take the loss myself… I had that car for 7 months and never had a problem with it breaking down, so I am wary of how he may have been driving it or treating it.
So I’m at a serious crossroads here. WIBTJ if I didn’t refund him for the car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, his inability to understand a language while attempting to conduct business in a country where it’s spoken including the purchase of a significant asset is not your problem.
You are not obligated to refund any when selling a used car and he signed a document acknowledging the car was sold to him as-is.
Why did he sign a document, he probably couldn’t read the ‘bill of sale’ where it says the car is sold ‘as is’?
Why didn’t he bring along a translator? He bought it, he owns it.” BeeYehWoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If I were buying a big ticket item like a car and couldn’t speak or read the seller’s language, I’d sure as heck bring along a friend, gf, coworker, or whoever who COULD.
The buyer looked over and test-drove the car, it’s not your fault that it broke down the next day. Obviously, it sucks for the buyer, but there’s no way to know what he did to the car after he drove it away.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unless there was an issue with the car you didn’t disclose, which does not seem to be the case.
He signed the bill of sale, that’s on him. If the language barrier was problematic, then it’s on him to understand what he’s signing.” User
5. AITJ For Giving My Sister Wrong Answers?
“Usually when my siblings and cousins have homework that they don’t want to deal with it’s given to me (F19). I used to have perfect grades before I fell down the ‘sad hole’ and so my mother and aunts see me as perfect for the job.
My brother (M20) studies in a foreign country and I was looking for ads on social media to find him an apartment to rent before his plane landed in said country.
On that same day, my sister (F15) happened to have an ICT exam. My mother asked me to help her as she didn’t know much of the answers (we were dishonest but isn’t everyone in an online school?).
I was texting a man about an apartment that he put up for rent and he made it clear that he appreciated fast replies as he was talking to other customers in real life too simultaneously.
I told my mom and sister that I wouldn’t be of much help because I was under the pressure the man was laying on me and I wanted to find my brother an apartment so that he wouldn’t be homeless once he gets there.
Nevertheless, my mom insisted I helped her. I panicked because it’s what I do under pressure, messed up, and gave my sister the wrong answers.
She broke down in tears after she found out about her grade. That resulted in an argument between my mother and me where she told me I should’ve helped my sister instead of texting the man because her grades mattered more.
She lost two points for the two questions I answered incorrectly.
Edit: She did a study for it but it was difficult.
Edit x2: I know it’s a hard ask on the internet but I’m going through a really hard time and my intention by being dishonest was not to be horrible but to help myself and my sister.
AITJ for not prioritizing my sister’s exam?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are an absolute pushover. You are performing basic tasks for your siblings and feel GUILTY when you don’t get THEIR life perfectly. Your mother has the audacity to blame you for your siblings not doing anything!
And frankly, if your brother feels adult enough to move to a new country, he should be adult enough to get an apartment. Or the actual adult responsible for him, your mom, should be helping him. Not his 17-year-old sister.
You show signs of depression to the point your academics are dropping.
You’re downplaying how you feel even on the internet. You don’t sound confident in yourself at all. And frankly, your family situation is saddening to me. Normally, I don’t comment but if this is a genuine story, you need help. Like, you need to learn how to say no and how to take your own feelings seriously.
And if it helps, this stranger thinks that if you’re sad enough to stop being able to live your life like you used to, you can say you felt depressed.” p14gu3
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here! NO! Not everyone was dishonest in online school and what a crappy attitude you have!
You’re no better than your mother. You’re a family full of lazy thinkers and just overall being lazy in general. Your lazy sister should study and take her own exams and I don’t care if she passes or fails and neither should you. That’s on her. Your lazy brother is 20 years old.
He should be finding his own apartment. Your lazy mother has a poor and delusional attitude about school. Does she think your sister doesn’t need a good educational background because why? She thinks she just needs to be married and taken care of by someone. That’s the impression I’m getting.
And you… STOP ENABLING EVERYONE! Stop thinking that people go through their life the easy way. You are WRONG!!” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if she wanted a good grade she could have done the work herself very simply. Your mother blaming you for this is disgusting on her part and I have to ask whether or not your mental health isn’t linked to the fact that a parent and other adults are just throwing a bunch of THEIR jobs onto you.
(an adult moving out of the country should be able to find his own place. A parent should be the one helping with their child’s homework. etc.)
Honestly, your answers in the comment sound like someone who’s been a bit (for lack of a nicer word, apologies for that) brainwashed. You seem to think that somehow them being DNA related is the same thing as treating you like family, at least if I’m understanding your responses to people correctly.
Please be aware it isn’t the same thing, and it sounds like they’ve also instilled a belief their love is conditional (basing this on the answer about why you do this, being ‘I like having people that love me no matter what’ and the implication that not doing it will somehow alter that).
Please take some time for you, ideally find a friend or someone distanced from all of them and ask if you can stay a month or two with them where you aren’t around your b***d. This isn’t normal behavior. (I’m an older brother, not once was I ever blamed for my sister’s homework even if when I helped we got it wrong.)
To clarify, the reason I use b***d rather than family, is the two are very distinct to me. Love, Care, and Respect are all three of these things that must occur to be defined as family, if even one tenet is completely discarded they lose the claim.
B***d are people you happen to share slightly more DNA with than the rest of humanity and will weaponize the word ‘Family’ to manipulate you into doing things for them or accepting poor treatment etc.” StrykerC13
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Being dishonest is never okay, and no – plenty of people are honorable in an online school or elsewhere.
It’s not okay for you and not okay for your sister or cousins or anyone else in your messed up family.
Your sister should have done the test herself. If she’s upset that she got a bad grade, then next time she can do it herself. If she doesn’t understand the subject matter, she should meet with the teacher or get a tutor.
Your brother is the jerk because he needs to find his own apartment. Why is that your job?!
Your mother and aunt are the worst since she’s the adult and seems to think this is all fine and good and apparently minimizes your depression and uses you to do everyone else’s homework.
Move out. You’ll likely be happier. Stop doing everyone else’s work for them and start working on yourself. You’re really NOT doing them any favors by doing it for them.” EconomyVoice7358
4. AITJ For Calling My Brother A Lazy Leech?
“My 23M brother lives at home with my parents. He’ll only cook for himself and other than maybe going to the gym, he’ll spend his free time generally just wasting himself on video games, browsing through his phone, watching movies, etc. He has no job and no career ambitions and spends upwards of 20K-30K on trips, online shopping, and clothing a year.
The only reason my parents allow this is because he got lucky. In high school and college, my brother was such an overachiever and the star of the family. He was so passionate and bright and had all these career objectives and ambitions. However, in college, he’d spend a lot of time on little side projects on top of his classes and internships and everything, and two of them happened to blow up and turn into small businesses that almost completely are passive and require like 5 hours per week to maintain.
Because of the money he was making from this, and the reliability of how stable it is, he worked hard to get his college degree and then just gave up and stayed at home.
He was discussing this online with one of his close friends when I happened to overhear when I was visiting my parents.
He basically makes around 400K per year pre-tax, and after taxes and all that and spending his 20K-30K, saves up around 260K in his bank account. His grand plan is to save up for around 10 years and then officially retire and do absolutely nothing for the rest of his life except maybe travel.
That night I confronted him and told him that it was horrible to see him waste himself away like this. I understand that technically he can support himself but money isn’t everything and he’s literally burning his life away. He’s basically set himself up to do nothing but work out, travel, rock climbing, and stuff with no real work and it’s sad to see coming from his brother.
He’s also leeching off my parents by showing them it’s OK to live a life like this. After I told him all this, he literally started laughing at me and said that he was not hurting anyone and just wants to live his life like this with no stress.
The next day my parents basically told me not to feed him bad ideas – either they overheard or he told them or something. Honestly, though, I don’t think I’m in the wrong at all of this. I just want my old brother back, not this literal couch potato that has no ambitions except to – do nothing for the rest of my life.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, he has a successful business by the sound of this, and he’s making a very respectable income. Like he says he’s not hurting anyone just doing what makes him happy, what is so wrong with him enjoying his life the way he pleases?
I feel that you wrote the title, to spark a conversation where you ‘seem to be right’ because at first glance I genuinely thought your brother was a wreck, living off your parents’ money and doing nothing for himself whatsoever.
But after reading this, it sounds very much like you’re bitter, or just set in your ways, looking down at everyone.
Just because his views on things are not the same as yours doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. I am going to tell you something you may not like, but the way your brother is living his life is none of your business! It’s simple, mind your own and live your own life!” Chantalle22
Another User Comments:
“There’s a saying how, ‘if you throw a rock at a pack of dogs, the one who barks is the one that got hit’, meaning if you’re barking (you’re angry and upset) it’s because this specifically hits YOU somehow. You’re parents and brother and other people in your life clearly don’t care.
Only you.
Why is that?
What about the situation objectively bothers you when it doesn’t bother others? A lot of the time it is resentment and jealousy because it speaks to some deep insecurity.
So what is it? Do you not feel that you measure up? That you couldn’t achieve the same thing so you need to find some fault in your brother that you can act superior to?
Do you feel you’re working harder and it’s not fair?
Maybe it’s not fair. Life is not fair and siblings are not promised equal success or happiness in life.
But most of the time people don’t like admitting to a jealous narrative, that their sibling being successful bothers them, because that would be a petty, pathetic, selfish perspective.
So you lie to yourself about how it’s actually disappointing that they’re not living to the standard you’ve chosen for them, that they’re actually failing somehow- now it’s a moral high ground instead of a petty sibling rivalry attitude.
Honestly, you’re acting very sanctimonious and above-it-all.
You’re acting like a snob who looks down on people for liking spending their time on the internet and not reading classical literature. As if intelligent, well-rounded people can’t enjoy and do multiple things.
Your brother sounds like he’s wanting to be a well-rounded person.
Successful at a young age, business savvy, well-traveled, physically motivated, and healthy. Those things may not hold importance to you, but they clearly do to him.
People don’t have to have the same values- and they don’t. They just don’t. You’re trying to push your values onto someone else and honestly, your brother doesn’t sound like he’s hurting anyone and he doesn’t need nor want your judgment.
I thought maybe he was financially leeching off of your parents or being a jerk, but you don’t say he actually is doing any of that. Just that he’s living his life differently from you, and you’re the Life Police who makes the rules of what is acceptable and what is a failure.
I would leave him alone if you actually care about him at all. I’d look inside yourself and wonder exactly what was going on. You’re reaction, being obsessed with his world contribution, is not normal. You’re being pushy and weird.
And just practically speaking, you can’t change people or guilt them into doing things they don’t want to do.
This is his life course right now and he’s an adult with the agency. You have to respect that.
Oh, YTJ.” MoonPrincess666
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
He is doing healthy productive things. He just doesn’t need to work a lot to fund those things. His growth isn’t in attaining a health and safety certificate.
You realize the rest of us work to create and enjoy the opportunities that allow us to grow those other parts of ourselves right?
No speech, obituary, or gravestone says, “Here lies an excellent accountant who did a lot of overtime.”
People will remember you as a friend, son, father, spouse, a member of whatever community you engaged in but not as a worker.
Unless you achieved excellence or added to the body of knowledge and it can be celebrated still 20 years after your retirement.
The businesses he has created will go on to be the foundation of something else or inform another idea. You only think he is lazy because he is intelligent enough to only need so much time and energy to do what he needs to do to generate that much income.
You may find it takes you working 9-5, 52 weeks of the year for decades to be able to achieve the same. There is no such thing as luck. Genetics, privilege, and education are a thing, however. Those all would have helped but he still had to make all of it happen.
He just had the tools in his toolbox to build it – some he was born with, some he was given easily, some he was given by others and the rest he has earned. Still had to do something with all those advantages though.
He’s done and is doing enough to enjoy his experience as a human.
Your parents have no problem with their adult son living with them. A good many parents don’t. Keeps things lively and you continue to know your children as they grow further into adulthood. And maybe they still get to influence and mentor them through all that.
Enjoy your own life.
Comparison is the thief of joy.” mangonlime
3. AITJ For Scowling At A Screaming Child?
“Last night, I decided to treat my family to a Korean restaurant. That place is pretty new, so there aren’t many customers at all. I think only two tables were occupied by the time we arrived. Anyway, we sat next to this group which consists of six women who are in their late 30s.
One of them has a girl around 3 years old with them. Ever since we arrived, they have been talking loudly as if they owned their place.
So I’m partially deaf and wear a hearing aid. I have always hated using my hearing aids, but I have to because I can’t hear anything at all without them.
Imagine the hassle while sitting next to them. Even at the lowest volume, they were still annoying. So much so, I requested the waiter to put us at another table. My mom, however, protested against the idea because that table is the most comfortable one. I had no choice but to endure it.
But my patience has limits, and it started to hit my nerve when the girl began screaming at her mom. The mom, however, is ignoring her. She just kept on talking loudly with her friend. Probably after the seventh time of her screaming when I glared at her.
The girl suddenly cried loudly. It was that time when the mom finally looked at her. The kid was pointing at me, and the mom also scowled at me. I was ready to pick a fight when my brother interjected and apologized on my behalf. That was when the group decided to leave.
Now that it was silent, my mom reprimanded me for my action. In my defense, I told her the non-stop screaming is hurting my ears. But she still thinks I’m rude.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a mother of two toddlers who grew up in the deaf community (I’m hearing, and my sister is deaf).
Your mom should have been willing to move so you weren’t in pain vs her slight discomfort. Hearing aids can be excruciating in loud environments and it’s ridiculous she ignored that fact. Especially since you’re paying! And the mom shouldn’t have let her child continuously screech.
As I said, I have two toddlers, and getting them to use their inside voices is a big struggle. But it’s not a struggle that I make other people’s problems. But I won’t lie and say I won’t become a momma bear if someone were to scowl at my kids, but that’s beside the point because I wouldn’t ignore my child being loud.” YellowRAML
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re not the jerk for having an uncomfortable dining experience and most definitely should have asked to move. No need to put up with something that is causing you physical discomfort. The other group is also not the jerk because they possibly picked a restaurant and time where it wouldn’t be too much of a disturbance to other diners if they were loud.
Did they notice you were sitting there unhappy? When I’m with my friends, I’m not really paying attention to anyone else. If I’m unintentionally getting loud and am asked to simmer down, I’m super apologetic and oblige. I don’t mean to be loud, but when there are a few drinks and my friends, sometimes it happens.
Were they Korean? I’m Korean and we get a bit loud. It’s just part of the culture.
Kids scream. Sometimes they stop if you ignore them or they need a time out, but I wouldn’t necessarily jump to mom as the jerk for not doing anything.
Maybe the mom knows what works best for her kid and was giving the kid a chance to settle. Maybe mom needed this outing for her sanity. I wouldn’t call any parent a jerk without knowing what they’re going thru.” Lxlee55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That said, it’s the child’s parents you should be scowling at, as it is on them to ensure their child behaves.
If they don’t teach their kids to behave in public or discipline or take them out when they do not, they are bad parents. I have told off parents in restaurants whose kids were being disruptive, or gone to management and gotten them kicked out in extreme cases.
The worst I ever saw was a mother who was letting her son lick the tops of the salt and pepper shakers, even going so far as to hand him one. These are items not normally changed between customers. I rightly told her off, and ensured the person who cleared their table knew and replaced them.” WardenWolf
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You admit that your mother made you stay at a table when you could have moved to another further away. So basically, your mom is the number one problem-maker here. She shows no respect for your hearing issues, refuses to move, and then scolds you.
The truth is you did have a choice. You could have gotten up and left your mom/family at that table, but you didn’t. She is the one you need to stand up to.
While the people may have been louder than you like, they were there first. You could have asked the wait staff if there was anything they could do and explain about the hearing aids, but since you already weren’t going to move, that part is on you.
You could have gone over to them and explained that you have hearing aids and unfortunately a lot of loud background noise makes it extremely difficult for you could they possibly console the child? You did not give them a chance.
Also, you need to develop your child’s quieting abilities if you are going to try it again.
First try smiling, waving, or making funny faces. If that does not work, it’s not about scowling. It is about a parental look that makes them think they should not be doing what they were doing.” holisarcasm
2. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Let Her Cat Go?
“My (30M) partner, ‘Ann’, (29F) and I live together with her cat, Whiskers (9). I love them both. I help take care of W, though Ann does more of the cat chores. It’s my first cat, but an ex I lived with for a year owned a dog and we both took care of it with no issues in a similar manner.
The dog was never a problem with my ex; we broke up for other reasons.
About a year ago, Whiskers began to have serious medical problems. I’ve taken her to the vet even in the middle of the night or to specialists hours away. I’ve paid for some vet bills and helped with medicine and watched her.
I’ve held Ann when she cries and comforted her.
I have not been perfect. I’ve voiced my frustration when Whiskers is making noise all night and we haven’t slept all week (the vets say Whiskers is not in pain – it’s from the illness) or when I think Ann is being unreasonable.
For example, Ann doesn’t ever want W to be left unattended in case she has an episode. So Whiskers has had essentially 24-hour supervision for around half a year. I have never laid a hand on Whiskers or my partner, but one time I did take the cat from her by force when she wanted to bring it into our bed after it had an accident (feces all over back legs and rear) but refused to wash it as she thought a bath would be too much stress on the cat.
I took Whiskers and cleaned her despite her protests then we slept with it in the bed. Sleeping with actual feces is where I draw the line. There are other things too, but I don’t want to beat a dead horse. We’ve fought over these things.
Whiskers has declined rapidly.
She can sleep, eat, and yowl. She’s on five medications. She can barely walk on her own. She is blind. The vet has stated we should seriously consider euthanasia. I agree. Everybody who sees Whiskers brings it up without prompting. A friend (who owns a dog) will not even come over because ‘seeing an animal living like that’ upsets him so much.
Ann has refused to consider euthanasia. Her mother agrees with her.
I know she is grieving, but this situation feels like it has gone completely off the rails. Ann wants to ‘hold out for a miracle’ but we are being run ragged by caring for Whiskers. Our physical, mental, and financial health has suffered. Our relationship has also suffered. I feel I’ve basically turned into a cat nurse rather than her SO.
I don’t have the capacity to keep supporting her in this.
At this point, leaving Whiskers with this quality of life is unethical to me. When I bring up that it’s time for Whiskers to find peace, I’m told that it’s a horrible thing to suggest and she asks me if I would do that to my hypothetical child or my mother.
When she says things like this, I feel like a monster. I know this cat is like a child to her but every person involved in this situation is suffering.
AITJ for telling her it is time to let Whiskers go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s past time to let Whiskers go.
At some point, just keeping her alive is more selfish than letting her go. She’s past that point. There aren’t any miracles that can turn the clock back… as someone who has had to make this decision more times than I care to remember, believe me, I looked for one every time.
They don’t exist.
At this point, your partner isn’t doing this FOR Whiskers, she’s doing it TO Whiskers. It’s part of our responsibility as pet owners to liberate them from suffering needlessly.
Whiskers is suffering. Your partner can make the decision to stop her suffering.
She needs to step up. As for the ‘what if she were a child or your mother thing,’ I have medical professionals in my family and there are times when treatment is withdrawn just for this reason… because sometimes ‘living’ is far worse than being gone.
I’m sorry you’re both going through this.
It’s awful, I know.” NoreastNorwest
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I completely understand where both of you are coming from. You are absolutely right that it should be about the quality of life, and my heart breaks for poor Whiskers. But I also understand that, with any loved one who is declining, you can get so into the caregiver mindset that you don’t realize how much they are suffering.
And, once you’ve become so emotionally involved in caring for them, letting them go peacefully is very difficult. It’s doubly hard with pets because they can’t clearly articulate their wishes, at least with humans, they can articulate their choice to DNR (Do Not Attempt Resuscitation) or shift to hospice care (side note: this is why EVERYONE should have a living will made up as soon as they reach majority).
But with pets, it’s even harder.
Rather than bringing up that you think it’s time, maybe try framing the conversation differently. Try, as part of a natural conversation on Whiskers’ care to feel out what SHE feels should trigger the hard decision to euthanize.
This should both help you understand what her quality of life decision points are and help set a line in the sand.
This should also help open her mind to the possibility. Once she’s started thinking about it some, a more realistic conversation can be had bout what is best for Whiskers. And always, always, always frame it that way.
There are also some great therapy resources out there both for pre- and post-loss.
You might also look at home euthanasia… there are vets that will do this for you. Don’t start the convo as ‘let’s have the vet come over’ but rather bring it up as ‘I love Whiskers and want to make sure that when the time comes, his passing is as easy for him as possible.
When it is time, we probably won’t be emotionally capable of doing the research, so let’s make a plan now. That way, we can give Whiskers the best possible care and not be scrambling/causing him to suffer… but only when it’s time.’
That is also a good convo that can segue into the quality of life/when the right time is.
At the end of the day, it is never easy to say goodbye to our faithful companions, but providing them with a pain-free and quiet passing surrounded by love is one small last gift we can give them.” Eak-the-Cat
1. AITJ For Telling My Boss My Assistant Is Not Helping?
“I (19 female) teach two dance classes at a studio with a friend (21 female). I assist her class for the first hour and she is supposed to assist mine for the second hour. Now she knows nothing about dance and can barely think of anything new to teach the kids so, I’m often jumping in and filling in the blanks for her.
She acts like a child in class, rather than being a teacher and she has zero clue how to structure a dance class. However, I’m the assistant so I let it go and have stopped jumping in as much considering she needs to figure out how to teach.
Now when it comes to my class even though she doesn’t know much I expect her to actually help me with the kids and demonstrate what to do. During our break before my class every week she starts saying ‘omg I’m so tired I don’t want to be here anymore.’ ‘I can’t teach another class I’m too tired.’ She says this constantly and starts yawning looking disengaged the entire time.
When we let the kids inside she doesn’t say hi or greet them or anything. Then when I start teaching she leaves and grabss her phone, she will come back for 5 mins and then leave again. Last week was the last straw, while preparing for a recital, she actually went to go sit down in the corner with her jacket while on tik tok.
Meanwhile, I was trying to teach 15 seven-year-olds. Every time I made eye contact with her she would yawn and close her eyes. I’m completely fed up and annoyed, however, I don’t want to be ‘that person’ that tells on their co-worker. But honestly what is she even getting paid for?
So AITJ if I tell my boss my assistant doesn’t work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would talk to your boss. Invite your boss to come to observe a class unannounced, possibly catching her in the act. Also, are there any parents present who can back up your claims?
Parents are paying to have their kids take this class where a teacher isn’t teaching them? I would be asking for a refund.” Serious-Currency108
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s getting paid to do that and she’s not doing the job she’s expected to do. It’s basically free money for her.
You doing her work is just gonna exhaust you physically and mentally. She knows she’s not doing the work she’s supposed to do and starts yawning and saying she’s tired when she literally did nothing. Teaching 7-year-olds is a whole different thing that’s why there are 2 adults in the class.
Tell ur boss that she’s not doing anything. It’s sometimes ok to be ‘that person’.” Curious_CatExists
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but honestly I wouldn’t tell the boss at first. First thing I would do is talk directly to her and say everything so if she just doesn’t try to improve or come with some effort then I would say to the boss.” pandamal00
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